#can not do all 6 shows by myself with all the travel and shit i'm actually so exhausted all the time

[finexbright]

.

[canirove]

In The Name of Love | Chapter 6

Author's note: Since next Monday is Christmas day, I will be posting the chapter that should be up that day on Wednesday, which means that next week you will have new chapters on Wednesday and Thursday 😊 Also sorry about this chapter being a bit meh and on the short side, but I think I am making up for it on the next one 😁 Also, to those of you who are just reading this and don't follow me, happy holidays and merry christmas to those of you who celebrate! 💜

Previous chapter | Next chapter

Masterlist

Good luck tonight! Hopefully it won't rain, because those clouds look so bad… (📸) Also look at the sea. Back home it doesn't get like this  (📸) The food here is just 🤤 (📸) You have fans who aren't teenagers 😱 (📸) I wonder if they'll think I'm one too (📸)

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"And?"

"Nothing yet" I sigh. "This was a good idea, right?"

"It was" Emma says, giving my hand an encouraging squeeze. "Traveling to the other side of the country to watch him play is so romantic!"

"I don't care if it is romantic or not. I just want to explain everything to him and for things to go back to the way they were."

"Who would have thought you would end up missing a teenager's dick, uh?" she laughs.

"I should have brought Silvia with me" I reply, rolling my eyes.

"But sadly, she's too busy with Pau finally being back, so you'll have to deal with me" she smiles.

It's been a month since that stupid engagement party, since Pedri and I had that argument, since I last saw him in person. And I've felt like shit every single day.

I should have been honest with him. I should have opened myself to him, share all my fears. But I couldn't. I was too much of a coward, and because of it, I may have lost the person who managed to finally make me close a chapter of my life. The person that gave me what I needed to finally let go. 

But I'm ready now. I'm ready to tell him everything. And that's why Emma and I are here, though her first plan was a bit stalkery.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"I just sent him a good luck message before the game and he has left me as read. Again" I sigh. 

"At least you know he hasn't blocked you."

"Yeah, I guess. But I can't keep living this, I have to do something."

"Why don't you just show up at his house and don't leave until he listens to you?"

"I can't do that, Emma. He'll end up calling the police."

"Then why don't you go watch him play at the Camp Nou? Maybe his friends can help you corner him somewhere so you can talk."

"That isn't such a bad idea, you know… Though they are going on international break after tonight's game." 

"Then let's go watch him play with Spain! You could even wear his shirt, I'm sure he would like that. You aren't allergic to that one, are you?"

"I'm not, no" I laugh. "But I don't know where they are playing and when. And there may not be tickets left."

"Then let's find out" she says, taking out her phone and starting to type.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

A couple of hours after that conversation, and mostly thanks to Ferran, we had it all ready. We would be spending the weekend in La Coruña, a city in the West of Spain where the national team is playing, and where, hopefully, I will find a way to convince Pedri to let me explain myself. 

"Is it him?" Emma asks when my phone buzzes.

"Oh my God" I gasp. "It's him, he has replied!" I say, my hand shaking.

"What does he say?"

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

Val, what is all that? 

Are those photos real?

Yep

Are you here? 

In La Coruña? 

And wearing my shirt? 😳

I am

Wait a second

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Emma, he's facetiming me."

"Then pick up!"

"How do I look?"

"For the love of God, Valeria. Who cares? Pick up!"

"Ok" I say, taking a deep breath. "Hello" I smile.

"Show me around."

"What?"

"Show me around, Valeria."

"Don't need to be so rude, Pedro" I say, moving so he can see where I am. Emma and I had sat down on a bench not too far away from the stadium to kill time until we can go inside.

"You are here. You… Why?"

"Well, Emma and I had a free weekend and wanted to disconnect from the kids, we saw an ad about the game, we had never been to La Coruña, and we said, why not?" I shrug.

"Let's go disconnect from the kids by watching other kids play" Pedri chuckles.

"Asensio isn't a kid."

"Then why are you wearing my shirt?" he asks, arching an eyebrow.

"It was the only one left in the shop" I shrug again.

"Sure" he laughs.

"It was yours or Morata's, and you know how I feel about him."

"I do, yes" he laughs again. God, I had missed hearing him laugh. "Anyway, I gotta go, we are leaving the hotel now."

"Ok."

"Thank you for coming to the game."

"Of course" I smile. But he doesn't. He's gone serious again.

"Bye, Valeria."

"Bye" I say before he hangs up.

"That went well, didn't it?" Emma says.

"Did it?" I sigh.

"It did! You had a little moment there, so there still is hope."

"I guess, but he kept calling me Valeria and… Wait" I say when my phone buzzes again.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

Don't forget to send me your good luck text. 

It is the last thing I always read before warm up

I won't. I promise 😊

❤️

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"See? There still is hope!" Emma says, grabbing my arm and squeezing it. She's actually hurting me, but I don't care.

Because there still is hope.

[chibivesicle]

Asks that I will never really answer. My apologies; life gets busy and I get distracted.

I'm dropping these here today, so I can clear out some of the asks from my inbox. Apologies for some of these going back to when Trigun Stampede was still airing. >_< If I don't have a clear and concise answer, I'll let things sit in the inbox but they occasionally do fall off my radar.

Uuummm sorry Anon, I meant to give this more of a response but as I got angrier at Stampede, I just couldn't bring myself to give you a well thought out reply. My overall vibes for the Christian themes that were missing in Stampede had to do how they kept a lot of the surface content, images/style/design from the original but with the sci-fi emphasis removed the weird esoteric Christian stuff and made it look that way. Vash was more willing to engage with others in the original manga/'98 anime based on what Rem taught him. Yet, we never get why he does what he does in Stampede. By changing Wolfwood from being a traveling preacher where Vash lambasts him with 'thou shall not kill' the nuance of his character's moral conflict is lost. He's a trained killer for a quasi-religious organization that might be using a Zia in a really not cool way. We also do not see him act in a self-sacrificing way, which he does from the get go in the original. The angelic body horror was gone, replaced by a sci-fi reading of plants and the concept of plant worship was missing in there as well. There is a lot of internal dialogue that many of the characters pose through the anime and manga and its just gone from Stampede and it revolves around forgiveness, violence, and justice.

For me, the complete re-interpretation of the world and loss of the moral conflict that all characters show hurt the Christian (and Buddhist) themes that underpinned the original. It really came down to how the characters acted and talked. There is no point to a gunslinger who is almost completely passive when one who is active but uses a non-lethal method based on principle. There is a chapter where Vash gets taunted by some enemy for how bad his target practice is until they determine he was that accurate at shooting someone but not killing them. The best way to summarize is that they took some of the aesthetics of the original and didn't follow through on how the characters acted. There is so much contemplation in the original and that is missing in the remake.

Let's just make this a list: 1.) Leo would actually have a real girlfriend. I already have issues with White, I think adding her in as a quasi-girlfriend was a disservice to Leo's character. 2.) Zapp would be white. Less of a manwhore perhaps? 3.) Chain would be cute as opposed to cold and distant. No drinking assholes under the table and vomiting in her bathroom later. See Meryl Stryfe.

4.) K.K. would have boobs, and somehow be more sexy than an awkward and doting mother. See Rem and Luida. 5.) Steven's scar would be smaller or missing to make him a real lady killer. Either they'd lean way too far into Steven's shady side or they'd clean it up completely. Like he'd wink at women as opposed to sleeping with them to get intel. Be Klaus #1 fan! But like all the time, making himself to work too much. His hangry side would either be missing or played up for laughs. 6.) Zed would be dropped because he's the non-human team member. What's the point of having him? 7.) Luciana Estevez would only appear in her super sexy doctor form not her silly clone or normal form.

8.) They would try to create lore and filler to explain things that you have to assume are just how things work. Or they would info dump as opposed to leaving it up to you to worry about things and figure it out from the context. 9.) The entire cast gets aged down, because having a bunch of 30+ cast members who don't have all their shit together is too embarrassing aka very realistic. e.g. K.K. has a house husband (not a good mother like Rem and Luida in Stampede), Steven will die single and alone, Daniel will die single and alone, Patrick carries a torch for Guinness but is single, Abrams is a walking disaster.

10.) Character designs which are super unique and fun, especially in the manga all get 'isekai treatment' were they look homogeneous. The whole point of the diversity of the cast is lost. Women are short and cute, men are tall and slender or tall and buff. No other options.

11.) They attempt to rationalize the 13 Kings and give deep meaning behind their behaviors. Which maybe we will get that someday, but part of the fun is how fucking chaotic they are.

12.) Hellsalem's Lot is an empty city. Somehow, the city lacks people on the streets and we don't get the rooftop betting scene between the giant stomping creature and super-sized Riel. Sex, drugs, gambling are minimized in their version.

13.) The entire Prosfair story line is cut because it is so fucking bizarre and awesome; they wouldn't understand the point of the entire game.

14.) The OST is bad.

[ymaohoh]

Hellcheer addition! (ignoring the 1 like thing as I just want to write about these two crazy kids) 1. Chrissy being single. 2. So I don't have just one, but the music from the soundtrack 'I wouldn't remember me either' which plays for them? It's a beaut! (bit of a cop-out answer this one, sorry). 3. The ship observed by other people (so alternative POV's - Max, Jason, Dustin etc.) 4. Has to be my own as we only got one damn episode. 5. In the woods, when Chrissy says 'me?' so cute and Eddie is just soft and silly. 6. When Eddie heads back to the trailer with Steve/Nancy/Robin in the Upside Down and there's just a missing 'oh shit this is where Chrissy died' moment I would have liked to see. 7. (god this is tough as there's loads) Eddie being really really into eating Chrissy out. 8. I've seen a lot of fics that take Jason's character maybe too far (though yeah, he was a lunatic in the show). I don't think he'd harm Chrissy. 9. The 'opposites attract' angle. They have no business being so perfect for one another - but they are (second option would be how hot they are as a couple). 10. That Eddie would have to step on Jason's toes pretty severely (thanks Joe) and it would be messy. Ideally Chrissy would end it before getting with Eddie. 11. Deffo canon, thanks, but yeah I need them to come back to life in season 5 for more... Time travel? Alternative universe? Come on, Duffer Brothers. 12. Baldur's Gate 3... I could see them both as Bard's but maybe Chrissy could be a Cleric. Chrissy's BFF is clearly Karlach and Lae'zel scares tf out of Eddie (someone write me a crossover with the whole party being there?) 13. Eddie's easier to write than Chrissy, I think. Some authors really NAIL Eddie. 14. I've not been drawn to another pairing from Stranger Things in the same way - but I do like Chrissy shipped basically with anyone ('cause she's pretty). 15. Chrissy. I'd give her a big hug and we'd hang out watching 80's flicks. My girl needs love and take out. 16. The only way I could see this playing out is if one of them tries being all stupid noble and self-sacrificing. Eddie might so Chrissy goes to college (if she wants to stay behind with him) and Chrissy might because she doesn't want him to get hurt by Jason etc. It wouldn't last. 17. I think so - both have vulnerable spots which everyone can relate to. I find myself very similar to Chrissy (especially at her age). 18. I didn't like Eddie leaving Wayne to find Chrissy's body, but I get that's a character choice and he was scared af. 19. Lots? (and I'm new to the fandom). More are incoming, sorry. 20. You know, I didn't get sucked in when I first watched season 4 but on a re-watch? Yeah. I have no control over my fixations and I re-watched when I was recovering from surgery so...plenty of time to go mad? 21. I'm an angst girl. Always have been (but the smut is HOT too).

(psss pass it on - what do ya'll think?)

Template by @aph-cb 

[tsandoverwhelmed]

just a little Carrie-Bradshaw-style reflecting on my trip to Chicago in june of 2024:

DAY 1:

realizing 3 hours into our 6-hour trip that i had left my wallet at home.

most of my shit was on my phone, but this meant that i wouldn't be able to get into bars womp womp.

friday night there is a drag show that I want to see, better time than never to get re-familiar to using the metro alone at night.

a man followed me home on the brown line 2 years ago, the closest i've been to violence in a minute.

I go to the drag show and act all cutesy, talked to a door guy, then a bigger door guy, then the guy who owned the bar who told me I could come in if I agreed not to drink :^)

the show was so good, Chicago drag really does it different, but unfortunately I wasn't able to get any singles for tips w/ no physical card :^( but I hooted and hollered and took some really good videos of some beautiful performances.

went home alone on the Metro at night, had to constantly remind myself that my fears and anxieties of being harassed aren't something I'm going to let myself stop me from experiencing things around me! I stayed frosty and watched my back, took selfies in the same window I always do.

DAY 2:

The next day it's up early and we're going to PRIDE. a large part of this trip was going somewhere different for pride rather than experiencing the one hosted in my native St Louis, which receives large sums of money from Boeing which also makes bombs that kill children.

surprisingly the amount of people there does not seem to rival St Louis, at times feeling even smaller than St Louis's downtown pride event. there are three stages, each catering to a different queer experience. the stage for the oldest attendants is a quirked up band playing classic rock covers, the mid-tier stages cover band playing lady gaga katy perry pride classics, and the third stage, near and dear to my heart was house and electronic.

the large crowd was dancing very hard, joyous gay boys all around me, one of them dancing with a small Ken doll that he stuck in my cleavage at one point. we had the Ken doll smoking joints and doing poppers with us it was adorable. I could have stayed and danced forever but it was very hot and sweaty and my friends wanted to go home.

that night it is raining and there is an event happening that I was eager to attend. a club dancey house music event at the drag bar I went to the night previously. ID-less i traveled through the rain in a cute little mesh outfit nervous and eager to convincingly work my way into the bar like I did the night before. in true Shakespearean tragedy there is a different bouncer and a different group organizing the event, it is 21 plus and there is no way I can get in.

feeling dejected and broken, i sit outside of the venue getting rained on recontextualizing my entire life. i think about getting a drink at a bar but feel so neutered by my lack of legal identification, i accept defeat and take a long rainy metro home. that night I sit at home with my friends, we watch sex and the city and i remind myself that the people I came here with are a large part of my experience on this journey, and smoking weed and hearing them laugh fills me with joy that feels the same in every city.

DAY 3:

the next morning we wake up and it's the main reason I came to chicago: The Kathy Osterman gay beach. I've been to this place before and it was fabulous, a soft sanded beach with beautiful views of skyscrapers juxtaposed against vast void of lake Michigan. I eagerly woke up first and bought duncan breakfast for all of us to motivate late morning friends to hit the water with me. the day was spent feeling the love and warmth of my friends as we described what we would look like if we were mermaids and smoked a blunt under the hot sun on the beach.

the day goes on and my friends leave, I get a light cheap lunch and return to the beach for a lakeside drag show. while sitting and taking in the ambience before the show I decide to start reading the book I brought for the trip, Detransition Baby by Torrey Peters. I make it one page in before receiving a text from my friend who recently moved to Chicago telling me that she sees me. I move my towel next to her and we spend time catching up and reflecting on her passage from St Louis to Chicago. I missed hearing her voice and the way that she told jokes, as another trans woman she understands many things about existing here the same way I do and it's relieving to be able to talk to her about this.

the drag show starts and again, I'm floored. euphoric at this identificationless experience in such a natural place, the charming banter from the hosts and the elegant movements of the performers backlit by the warm orange and pink of the Chicago sunset. at the end of the show it is around 8:00, music is playing and I'm walking back and forth in the water hoping that one or two of my Chicago drag crushes might find the confidence to introduce themselves to me, a total stranger who they have never met lmao.

yea that doesn't happen so instead I get on a near-hour-long bus ride to a movie theater showing a late night showing of inside out 2. I'm not quite sure what drove me to this place, but the movie theater has always been a comfortable choice for me to make when I want to be in a community without needing any social pressure.

micro-review of Inside Out 2:

The movie was cute, visually stunning and the plotline was some cute coming of age Pixar Disney nonsense. still brought a tear to my eye during a scene depicting the protagonist having an anxiety attack. I am particularly sensitive to the ways in which modern kids movies depict anxiety, cuz I think it is helping kids a lot in understanding how to process large emotional breakdowns. many of the children I work with experience anxiety attacks to some capacity and I think it's cool that movies are helping kids develop the tools for processing things like that. 3 stars.

long bus ride home around midnight and I feel accomplished with how able I am to get myself around the city independently, even alone at night, and how I manage to have an incredibly fulfilling day without my need for state identification.

DAY 4

the next morning my ID arrives in the mail, having been sent to me by my brand new roommate who is now the coolest person ever. I'm happy to be able to explore Chicago unimpeded.

the next morning we are hitting up andersonville, a cute neighborhood of queer owned shops. spent the day looking at poetry sections in bookstores, and flipping through overpriced high fashion thrift skirts in resale shops. wound up buying a collection of sappho's poetry, I guess being here has me feeling romantic.

My friends leave and I plan on going to a park that I have heard much about, Humboldt Park. as I navigate to what I believe is that, I reach my destination and realize that I have brought myself to Humboldt Park the neighborhood, not the park. no big deal, it's a 36-minute walk and a beautiful sunset day so I decide to walk.

[TW] The next part of the story is hard to share but I feel like it is important to reflect on these experiences. as I'm walking through this neighborhood I hear a loud voice yell behind me. they are yelling "HEY" repeatedly, I keep my head down and don't react or respond. I hear them yell "OH SO IT'S GONNA BE LIKE THAT HUH?" I keep walking and a few blocks later see two young men walk out of an alleyway towards me. they crossed the street to the other side where I am quickly while shouting at me " HEY YOU RIGHT THERE" in a quick panic I rapidly walk forward where I see a group of people selling snow cones and elotes on the street corner. I walk up to them quickly, turn around and the two men approaching me were gone.

now I cannot say that I 100% knew what the intentions of these men were, I cannot say with 100% certainty that they wanted to harass or hurt me, I'm very aware that I have anxieties around these things based on previous experiences. it is very suspicious to me that they disappeared as soon as I was around other people. instead of panicking I took a deep breath and called a lyft to pick me up and take me to my friend's house. I stayed near people until they arrived.

THE BATH HOUSE:

that night I had been invited to an event by my friend at the beach the night before, a trans girl night at a local bath house. I had never been to a bath house before but was eager for new experiences and determined to not let my encounter earlier that day stifle my Chicago experience, so I walked through a light thunderstorm to take a bath with a bunch of gay dudes. this wound up being one of the most empowering and profound experiences I think I've ever had or something like that. luckily arriving at the exact same time as my friend, I was able to have an emotional anchor nearby and someone who could show me the way to the smoke room. after smoking a cigarette for the first time ever, I was feeling comfortable enough to walk to the bath.

i'm now going to describe the four hookups I had that night, [warning if you don't want to read that]

~ the first was a dude named Jay. he approached me very quickly, and while he was not exactly good looking I have always said that confidence is like 99% of the game so I wound up hooking up with him right off the bat. I didn't go back to his room, I told him I wanted to look around. not sure if he would respect my boundaries or not, I was pleasantly surprised that he left me alone.

~ the second was a guy whose name was Mike. he was very shy but very cute, I approached him and he seemed very nervous. we made small talk, he was from out of town too and had never been here before. he confessed to me that he is a virgin. I told him I wasn't trying to have sex that night but I was willing to have fun. he asked me what that meant and I asked him if he wanted to find out. I went back to his room. at one point i ask him if he's ever been with a girl. he says no, then corrects himself "wait, do you mean like a real girl or ?" he didn't last long.

~ the third was a dude whose name I honestly don't remember lmao. he came on to me pretty quick and was honestly very good looking and a bit younger than many of the men who were there. it became very clear to me at a point that he was primarily interested in me doing things to him in crowded rooms while other people watched, which I might have felt a way about normally but Mama was ready to put on a show. eventually all of the attention that we were getting from people around us was a lot so I left and went somewhere else.

~ the fourth dude was named Samir, reminiscent of the first, an older man who was riding almost entirely off of charisma. he was very eager to dote over me and place his hand on my lower back, something the other men seemed to be afraid to do. while he was not very good looking he was very charming, I asked him if he had a room. he didn't, but offered to buy one for us, I told him that wasn't necessary. he wound up taking me to a bathroom. I'm going to leave it there, but I'll say that dude was eager.

BONUS: following this encounter I'm using a drinking fountain that has mouthwash in it, when a young trans girl next to me asks me how my night is going. I had seen lots of girls walking around that night, but most of them were either in small clicks with each other or talking to one of their many suitors. this girl's name was Christina. she began our conversation by talking about how this event has made her realize she is much more interested in women than men. we spent a lot of time talking and laughing, she had a tattoo on her thigh that was an abstract a depiction of 9/11. told me she was kind of a conspiracy theorist, I started talking to her about how I was certain that aliens were real. the friend who told me about the event joined us in conversation at one moment and the three of us all began talking about our wildest conspiracy theories. this was a real moment of trans girl love and I hope that girl is doing well. she was cute as fuck and was wearing a leash the whole time. I'm just saying.

the end of the night I leave, it is around midnight and I navigate home, reading small portions of sappho's poetry whenever I'm waiting for my stop. feeling deeply connected to this city and of the queer culture in it. the bath house was an incredibly empowering experience, after having many bad experiences with male attention in my life, some very recent, it felt so divinely beautiful to be able to walk through a room and feel men praising me. feel men looking with desire at my hips and breasts. being in a space that allowed me to take ownership over my relationship to male attention was something I really greatly benefited from. I was on the fence about going to this event during a thunderstorm but I'm grateful that I chose to experience.

DAY 5:

the next morning my friends and I get brunch at a Mexican restaurant, the best meal I've eaten all week. spinach green onion feta cheese frittatas with street corn.

i take a very large amount of LSD and go to the contemporary art museum. on the metro I'm finally starting to read Detransition Baby, The story is beautifully written and it's a very clear why people compare this book to Stone Butch Blues. the contemporary art museum has a teacher discount and is incredibly gorgeous, the exhibitions are stunning. I feel at home in an art museum in any city, in Chicago's dedication to art is so present in their art museums. beautiful video art displays and exhibits on form and human body shape.

i run home quickly, change into my swimsuit and head to the beach for a "trans girl beach night" organized by the same group that organized the event at the bath house the night prior. I metro out to the beach, I've never been here at night before in the view of the twinkling buildings over the dark reflective Waters of lake Michigan was divine.

i find it hard to talk to any of the other trans girls who are there. many of them seem to already be in an existing group of friends and know each other deeply, it's hard as someone from out of town to feel comfortable walking into a group of people and saying hi. I'm also still tripping quite a lot at this point. I wind up spending a lot of the night wading around in the cool waters and admiring the stars above me, shining skyscrapers around me, and sounds of trans women laughing and smoking cigarettes on the beach. I'm attempting to decide whether I should stay longer or go home and rest before traveling home, and two girls next to me are just going at it. unfortunately their proximity to me is separating me from the rest of the group so I can't even look at the other attendees there without getting an eyeful of these two girls going to town. at one point one of the organizers, an artist I recognize, tells the two girls they can't do that on the blanket they are on, as it belong to somebody else. they loudly complain, to which the organizer tells them "I don't know what you want me to say, it's someone else's blanket!" at this point I can hear the Larry David music playing and I decided it is time to go home.

walking through the park at night, many dark bushes corridors and alleyways around me, I reflect on my relationship to my personified boogeyman in my head. he bears the face of the man who followed me 2 years ago, and if I look into any dark alleyway long enough I start to see the shape of him. maybe some version of this man has lived with me my entire life, but a large part of my trip to Chicago was proving to myself that i'm not going to have my life be confined or agoraphobic from the fears of others' harassment.

i'm writing all of this as I walk home from the Metro, my ass and tits are covered in sand and I'm picking up snacks for my friends on the way home. this trip has done a lot for me, and maybe it's just the Carrie-Bradshaw-Sex-and-the-City of it all, but I wanted to spend some time reflecting on the experiences I had here. someday I will be older and it will be hard to experience as much of the world as I can right now. I can hear the voice of the 100-year-old-ancient-grandma version of myself, telling me to go out and go and feel the city as much as I can while I can.

I love being in cities, I love being around people, I love bright lights loud sounds and neon signs, I love hearing others laugh kiki lovingly with each other, I love being in queer spaces and around trans community,

I love how the Moon is visible no matter where I am.

[ransomnote]

RANSOMNOTE'S TOP 10 ALBUMS OF 2023

this year was, despite everything, an incredible year for music. i haven't had a top 10 AOTY list this stacked since i started making lists. this is my comprehensive list of albums from this year i think everyone should listen to. there are some well known picks on here as well as some more obscure choices that nevertheless blew my face clean off.

10. Voir Dire - Earl Sweatshirt, The Alchemist

earl sweatshirt has never once disappointed me honestly. the production combined with the lyrics and the way this album flows is comforting yet confrontational and everything i've come to expect from ES. my only critique is that i wish there was more variety with regards to the speed of the songs themselves. that being said, the hypnotic nature of the sound can hold its own.

rate: 8/10

fave track: mancala (feat. vince staples)

9. PUNK TACTICS - Joey Valence & Brae

this album is hard to describe as anything other than really fucking fun. like have you ever seen, watched, or listened to a piece of art and felt in your soul that the people who made is had the time of their lives making it? that's punk tactics. these two bring the sound of 80s-90s east coast alt hip hop into 2023 in a way that doesn't feel like they're just rehashing the sound of beastie boys. i can't wait to see what else comes out of these two. that being said, i worry that a few of the samples utilizing memes popular between january-august 2023 are going to date this album.

rate: 8.3/10

fave track: STARTAFIGHT

8. everything is alive - Slowdive

so. with a track record like theirs, there was no way slowdive was going to put out something bad. and i was right! they didn't! though i still prefer their 90s albums a bit more probably solely based on nostalgia, this album is a fascinating and beautiful translation of their signature slowcore style into 2023. these musicians and their sound have evolved so much, and this album is a reflection of that growth. for critiques, i would say i don't find myself revisiting this album as much as i do slowdive's other work, and i'm not sure why. maybe its just me.

rate: 8.4/10

fave track: the slab

7. HELLMODE - Jeff Rosenstock

jeff rosenstock is known for exploring different genres, from punk to folk to metal to indie rock to ska. this album does that in a way i've never heard from him before. this album switches genres not just between songs, but mid-song sometimes. it keeps you on your toes for sure, but manages to sound cohesive and like it belongs together. to put it lightly, it's great. i was really worried with how he was going to follow up no dream/ska dream, and those fears have been effectively proven wrong. the only thing i would really change about this album is the track order, but that's so nitpicky i don't feel like getting into it.

rate: 8.6/10

fave track: LIKED U BETTER

6. SCARING THE HOES - JPEGMAFIA, Danny Brown

before i say anything else: peggy and danny brown hip hop duo of the year. i am not debating that with anyone. ok now we can start. oh my god this album. it's not exactly controversial to say that 2023 was one of the best years for experimental and alternative rap and hip hop on record, and i think this album shows all of that. the best part of this album in my opinion (though almost every aspect of it is a standout) is the sampling. i have never in my life heard sampling innovated like this. these two have turned what was already an art form into something almost like a sport. i don't have a critique as much as i have advice: develop this. don't let it stagnate here. these two are on the cusp of genre revolutionizing shit.

rate: 8.8/10

fave track: garbage pale kids

5. Appearance - peopling

i feel like i have to explain this album. have you ever played electric guitar or any instrument that gets run through an amp and heard it pick up radio waves traveling through the air while plugged in? this album does that intentionally. which. ok let me pick the pieces of my skull off the floor. this album makes me feel like i'm listening to ghosts talking, and in a way, i am. i don't know what to critique about it because i've never heard anything like it in my life. please go listen to this.

rate: 9/10

fave track: cRIPpLinG dEBt PArTy

4. Javelin - Sufjan Stevens

this is such an instant classic sufjan stevens album. i love it. i don't have a lot to say beyond that because i feel like you could take any sufjan stevens album, pick out what's so great about it, and copy and paste that for every album of his. that being said, it's not stale. there's a distinct fairytale sound that's distinct from the ethereal sound of earlier projects that gets combined with a healthy dose of warranted cynicism given how rough this year has been for stevens. go cry to this.

rate: 9.3/10

fave track: tie between shit talk and javelin (to have and to hold)

3. This Is Why - Paramore

after after laughter in 2017, my only question for paramore was "how are they going to top this?" the band certainly took their sweet time answering that question, but with what we got, i can't complain. hayley williams is, as always, a complete powerhouse, but that didn't need to be said. you can tell how much new wave, specifically the likes of talking heads, influenced the artistic direction of this album. it's a new sound for paramore, a band that refuses to stagnate it seems, and i can't get enough of it. i don't yearn for old paramore the same way i yearn for, say, old fall out boy or old green day because their new stuff is just. better. i don't want to hear a scene veteran yap about how nostalgia is what keeps the bills paid ever again.

rate: 9.4/10

fave track: you first

2. Fat Chance - Mr. Phylzzz

i had never heard of this band before my friend trixie and i made the last minute decision to see them live opening for the melvins and boris. their set consisted mainly of songs off this album, and what a fucking set it was. i enjoyed them more than both the acts that followed. this duo has an intense stage presence on par with groups like mcr and death grips, and that translates into their music even when it's not live. this is 2023 post-hardcore punk perfection that makes you feel like you're being chased by dogs. with guns. gundogs. seriously, if i put you on to one band with this post, i hope its them.

rate: 9.7/10

fave track: tie between dirty hands and insisting

1. Census Designated - Jane Remover

coming out of nowhere with the steel chair at the end of october, this album makes me feel things that i can't classify as normal. i will never be normal about this album. ever. it's cemented itself as not just my album of the year, but as one of my favorite albums of all time. the pushing of her already so solid hyperpop sound into grunge territory is. i can't describe it as anything other than insane. this album demands your attention while simultaneously making a point to demand nothing. it's as contemporary and 2023 as it gets, and yet i think it's going to age beautifully. this is, without a doubt in my mind, the best album of 2023. listen to it before i lose my mind.

rate: 10/10

fave track: fling

well! that wraps it up! i'm going into 2024 with my standards set high. let me know if you think i snubbed or overlooked anyone! when the world is the most turbulent, the greatest art gets made. heres to a more peaceful 2024 and free that motherfucking palestine <3

[vodka-glrl]

Sean's story voice-lines ᰔ

@nogenderbee

Hello:

So you're the oh-so mighty traveler everyone keeps talking about... No I'm not judging you or anything! Just thought you would look different... If you get what I mean. Anyways I'm Sean it's... Nice to meet you I guess.

Morning:

Oh good morning. I wasn't expecting to see you up in the mountains so early in the morning...

Afternoon:

Hey traveler! I'm going to Seirai Island to get some Naku Weed care to join me?

Evening:

Oh, it's you again... No no! It's not that I don't want to see you specifically I just like being alone but that can't be helped I guess... Well since you came all the way here why not have dinner with me?

Night:

It's night already... You should leave before it gets even darker... It was fun spending time with you... I guess

When it rains:

Shit it's raining! Now I can't even use my vision. Huh, why? Because all it's going to do now is electrocute me...

When the sun is out:

Ahh that's much better. Come on let's get going before it starts to rain again!

About Sean (family):

"What happened to my family"? I lost my mom due to an illness and my dad... I'd rather not talk about it.

About Sean (Isolation):

I... Don't like people... I don't like crowds... I don't like socializing...

About us (Acquaintances):

Huh? You want to know how I view you?... You're a great friend I guess.

About us (Traveling partners):

*friendship level 6*

I see you as a great friend and a traveling partner no-nothing else! Don't get the wrong idea.

About Visions:

*friendship level 4*

My vision isn't something I'm proud of... But it's something I should hold close to myself.

About Raiden Shogun:

*friendship level 6*

Her ways of doing stuff is rather... Interesting. As someone who also wishes I could be with my loved ones for all eternity her excellency show her desire of eternity in a rather inhumane way so to say.

About Shumatsuban Sayu:

*friendship level 6*

She is an... interesting child. She claims she is a ninja but slacks off quite often. I once found her sleeping around the shrine, I tried to wake her up but she didn't even move an inch... Weird...

About Thoma

*friendship level 6*

Oh... The butler of the Kamisato estate? I don't really know much about him other than he is much more friendly than I like... It really bothers me how kind he is...

About Sangonomia Kokomi:

*friendship level 6*

I've known lady kokomi for a long time... We weren't acquainted or anything we just grew up in similar environments... Maybe if I didn't make some drastic choices I would have gotten to know her more.

About Yae Miko

*friendship level 6*

Ugh! Why bring her up all of a sudden? If I told you Thoma was bad she is ten times worse. She is such a nuance... Can we...not talk about her?

About Shikanoin Heizou

*friendship level 6*

That scoundrel of a detective is so persistent of me opening up to him... Ughh! As if me disappearing before his very eyes isn't a way of saying I'm not interested.

About Naganohara Yoimiya:

*friendship level 6*

Oh the firework girl right, I've seen her a few time... She is nice. She invites me to go watch the fireworks. She's always cheery and energetic... Cute...

About Arataki Itto:

*friendship level 6*

There are only two things that irratate me in life: one crowds, two Itto how could anyone be so stupid and loud a t the same time... Beats me...

About Derreth (@nogenderbee 's Oc):

*friendship level 6*

If I remember correctly she was Heizou's partner was she not? She isn't as annoying as him. Strange enough I can consider her a friend as well.

About Gorou:

*friendship level 6*

Gorou is like a younger brother to me... We obviously have our differences but we manage to put them all aside.

Favorite food:

I'll eat anything. I was never a picky eater, still am not I mean not like I have a choice not to eat what I can find up here In the mountains.

Least favorite food:

Remember what I said about not being a picky eater... Just throw that out the window when it comes to mushrooms. I would rather die than put a single bite of mushrooms in my mouth

Receiving gifts 1:

Oh my... This is better than anything I've ever tasted! You're a really great cook.

Receiving gifts 2:

It's okay... I guess

Receiving gifts 3:

Ughh, thanks I'm not hungry!

[weer02]

25. Ramble about anything, everything you are dying to tell the world of your WIP.

Sorry you had to wait so long for me to answer your ask, but I held off answering it until I'd have chapter 20 posted. It's the part of my WIP I'd like to ramble about 'cause I feel like quite a lot has happened in there. It will make more sense after reading the chapter, sooo I'd recommend reading the chapter first (it's posted now) then this post!

Max&Nathan doing jigsaw puzzle on the visits

I'm gonna start with a fun one, not really important to the plot . I wondered about the things they can do at the visits, have something that would help them bond as friends. I went for jigsaw puzzle, inspired by my own inexplicable need to assemble a jigsaw puzzle (which I did btw, bought myself a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle and assembled it alone within like a week haha). While I was doing the puzzle, I thought about the size, what kind of assembling strategies they'd have. Yeah, that starts to sound like "method writing" ��

Nathan getting worried about Max's emotional state

Ok, I'm gonna ramble a lot about it, 'cause that's one of my fav things in this chapter,! I love to write nice and sweet scenes with them after so many angsty scenes! One thing that I love about my very slow build is how they slowly warm up to each other, start to trust themselves more to share certain stuff, how they begin to notice odd behavior in each other.

Max being quiet on the visits is something alarming, because she was always rambling about random stuff, so he asks her to tell him about how is she. He's the first one to know about what's bothering her lately, what makes it more easy for her is that he is/was dealing with more severe emotional issues than her, so she assumes he'll understand + won't judge her. And what she assumes turns out to be true.

Surprise, now it's Nathan who's helping Max! How the tables had turned! Yeah... at some point of writing this fic, I think I was writing chapter 6? I figured out that Max will develop some kind of mental issues because of the trauma she went through. One of the tropes? in the caulscott I'm writing is that they both somehow bond over their issues, and the help part (that in many caulscott fics is often one sided) is reciprocated here. It's gonna be explored more in further chapters!

The other patient's breakdown

Something that I came up with to show more of the hospital environment; that it's a relatively calm space for Max and Nathan to form their friendship, but there are also moments when something unnerving can happen, because it's still a psychiatric hospital. It's also for the plot's sake, the breakdown adds some action to a scene, but also serves as a some kind of a parallel to Nathan's situation, in his group therapy he has people who committed crimes like him; and his line "Yes, I did fucked up shit and that's why I'm locked up  here with other people who also did fucked up shit. I don't know why are you so shocked." is a great summary to what I was trying to achieve by introducing that OC (? idk if an episodic character counts as oc)

The Nightmare

I decided to do more "Nigtmare Sequences" because of the feedback I've got for it (and because of one of your reviews Kris @kpchrs :DD)

-For the hallway part I have to say that I drew some inspiration for the setting from my interest in dreamcore/liminal spaces -For the second part with flashes were inspired by the nightmare sequence from the original game, the visit scene floating in the void by the Max&Chloe "memory lane" -The part that happens after the "blood red flash", the "worst outcome of that day/alternate universe glimpse" is actually an angsty thought I had once, that "what if things in chapter 1 went not in favor of our protagonist(s)", "What if Jefferson's plan worked?". That's just plain angst(tm) for all the readers from me :")

I really enjoy considering "what if" scenarios, and because LiS' universe heavily connected time travel/parallel worlds, I took the opportunity.

But is it just a nightmare and her brain fearing the worst or a glimpse of an alternate universe? "Our" Max thinks she got to see a glimpse of another universe, mostly because of her alter-ego's implication, but what's the truth is up to the reader's interpretation. I had so much fun writing in the dreamlike, nightmarish setting, and I'm not done with it yet!

The therapy session

An attempt of a rational explanation of Max's powers, one of things that can be found in one of my first outlines. It was supposed to go like she went through multiple therapists, and from the last one she'll hear she made up the powers to cope with a traumatic experience. I think it's a plausible explanation of her powers, especially for like a realistic approach. It's not the typical "character wakes up and realizes everything (supernatural) that happened was a dream" (though "Staying Vertical" by midnight_neverland on AO3 does it SO well), but something in between. I'll see where that will go in my fic 'cause I have a few ideas how to wrap up the Max's powers part, even though it's not a main focus of this fic. But some kind of explanation about why Max had got her powers is something I wish was more explored in the game.

Speaking of the therapist scene, there's a funny thing in context of my new obsession, THG. I named Max's therapist Dr. Collins, because that was what the name generator came up with, before I even started watching THG and got into it. The authors' name is Collins too. I'm gonna leave it like that 'cause I love a funny coincidence 😂

Oh, so many things happened in this chapter but at the same time I feel like nothing happened at all 😩 I sometimes feel like going in circles with this fic, even though I'm satisfied with my outline and I'm following that outline! Ugh, writing struggles once again! As of right now I have around 10 more chaps planned so the fic would have a nice number of 30 chapters. No one knows what will be left of these plans, 'cause in the original it was supposed to be 20 chapters 🥲

For anyone that stayed up until now, thanks for reading!💖💖

[valentinsylve]

Planners and Pantsers can be Friends

The permission I have been giving myself to back out of plans if I'm not feeling up to things is all well and good; but I had a recent adjustment to the way I approach that, which allows me to be kind to myself and also kind to others.

Here's the pattern I'd developed: The closer a friend was and the less "obligatory" the gathering was, the more I felt OK backing out at the last minute. You know, that text that says "I know we were going to hang out 15 minutes from now but I'm not up to it, sorry, love you" Because work is an obligation and friendship is cake, right?

Anyway, back in September, one of my closest local friends finally texted me with a sincere message asking me to please knock that off. He told me that every time I backed out on plans at the last minute, it hurt his feelings and made me wonder if I was someone he could rely on to be there for him. He was telling me how my behavior pattern made him feel sad and unimportant. He added, "I don't want you to force yourself to go out if you feel like shit, but if you aren't sure you are going to be able to go, I would rather you simply say No when I ask."

What's so important is that this was NOT a guilt trip! This was a really great example of how to confront a friend in good faith about something they do which hurts you. He kept it about his feelings, and not accusing me of being inherently flaky or cruel. I took it to heart, sat quietly with my defensive impulses before responding, and then made it a priority to be more considerate.

I started out by trying to overcompensate, of course. I took a long car ride to meet him at the club (where I live, there is no Club). I had been fighting off some sort of migraine situation, but I went anyway, making sure to eat, hydrate, and take my meds first (they don't make me sleepy). I had a great time for about 45 minutes. Danced, had one drink, kissed a cute girl, enjoyed some drag performances. Then I threw up in the bathroom and had to go home! So. Yeah. Don't force yourself to go when you feel like shit, he had said, and welp!

So we've been through a lot since then, me having a family emergency, him coping with his mother's end of life with all the practicalities and emotional excavation that entails. Even though we were both pretty wiped, we still went on the little vacation we'd been planning for the whole year. He did give me the option to back out the week before, which was gentle. But we went and it was wonderful! We were gentle with ourselves and each other, I only had a couple small meltdowns, we went at a pace which worked for both of us. The upshot is we both got energized and learned that we travel well together. Our friendship is stronger than ever.

So this week, he'd asked me impromptu if I wanted to get dinner after he finished an appointment near my place. I said it sounded good and I'd love to see him, but I didn't want to make a false promise, because it was going to be a busy day of work and errands. I asked if it would be OK for me to say "Not sure right now, but if I decide I can go, I will text you at 6:30 PM." That would be the time his appointment was over, so if he didn't see my message he'd know I wasn't available and he could go catch his bus home or do whatever he wanted without me. He said that sounded like a fine way to do it. So, when I actually got home at 6:55, I texted him saying I'd just gotten in the door, hoped his appointment had gone well, and hoped he would have a lovely evening. He was on the bus and delighted to hear from me even if we hadn't hung out. No one was stressed, no one was hurt.

Friendship is not a job, but it does require "work" in the form of being reliable and thoughtful. Everything we care about should be treated with active care. Friends who support our needs are treasure. I should treat them as kindly as they treat me, with respect for how we differ. Showing up for each other is a process of checking in and understanding limits with appreciation and respect, and being true. This is how we can best be free.

[multifandumbmeg]

Started watching The Bear a couple days ago and it's fantastic but season 2 episode 6?! The Christmas flashback episode?! Holy fuck I have so many feelings. A fully functional horror film in a 45min Christmas special. Not to mention I was watching it with my mom and it was profoundly uncomfortable because she was like, horrified, and I was like... This is every holiday here, my guy, but you are not prepared to have that conversation.

The moment that hit me the hardest was Carmy trying to calm down his mom, to manage her emotions, and over and over she keeps saying nobody cares nobody loves me and I have to do all the work myself. And you can see it kill him quietly after he's spent the whole evening desperately trying to help her and putting so much work in just to have her completely overlook it and even call him the wrong name at one point.

Fuckin hey that hit home. The other worst bit was watching how Donna treated Nat, but I don't personally relate to eldest daughter syndrome because A) my older sister definitely did not fill that roll and B) I relate to Carmy so fucking hard it hurts.

To get so personal on main, no shits given- I'm the forgotten younger child who spent their childhood taking potshots from dad and their older sibling all while somehow regulating mom to keep her from falling apart so I could still get fed. Not to mention I was the gifted, unsociable, Autistic child who went off the second I graduated. Travelled the world, got a masters straight out of college etc. People were proud of me and lauded me, but those people were not my family. No, the family says you think you're too good for us. You just hate us because you think you're so special, huh? No, I overachieved because you never told me I did good and by the time I realized you never would, I liked that it kept me busy and provided external validation and kept me the fuck away from this toxic monstrosity.

Anyway, this show really is a masterpiece. It goes from hilarious to high art to heartbreaking to uplifting and makes it all look easy. And don't get me started on the restaraunt shit because with seven years experience working every position in them holy shit that's real. Somebody on the writing team actually knows their shit.

[thesoulofasurvivor]

The Last of Us Episode 9 FINALE + season review

this entire post is of strictly my personal opinions only, just a disclaimer. I only speak for myself. Another very entertaining episode, there are many scenes that hold so true to the game and those scenes I appreciate.

But I gotta be honest. I'd be lying if I gave Season 1 more than at best a 6/10 rating.

SPOILERS BENEATH THE CUT!! long post warning ahead

Episode 9: we get the giraffe scene, it's very lovely and so goddamn sweet. I love the interactions we finally get between Ellie and Joel, just pure Ellie and Joel content finally, just the two of them with nothing interrupting, plus, we got to see Ellie's mom; it was so great to see Ashley on screen! And wow, they actually blessed us with one single infected. But again... Boy was this ever ridiculously rushed. They spent $500,000 on making a bloater suit and used it once for 3 minutes. Ellie is telling jokes and bam so suddenly the screen goes black and they're already in the hospital. It just happened so goddamn fast I could physically feel the rushing time limit of the episode that was only 42 minutes. Don't lie to yourself. It says 44 minutes but we all know that intro sequence is at least a minute and a half long lol 😂 even my mom was like ?? oh uh, okay... everybody is dead okay, show over. Even SHE acknowledged how rushed this was. The hospital scene was, despite my criticism, done well, it was great. They ended the show how they ended the game, I believe that was beautiful! Though I do admit, I wish we got a glimpse of Abby mourning her father to give the audience that feeling of, "omg, what's going to happen next?"

I support Joel's decision. I don't care what anybody says. The Fireflies wanted to murder a 14 year old child for an "I think," they wanted to kill her thinking they could make a cure from ONE try at it? Nah. That's not how it works. There are many ways an intelligent doctor could have gone about it to keep her alive while running tests and experiments. Vaccines and cures and shit aren't made from ONE try. Killing the person with the antibodies you want is literally so dumb and no one can ever convince me otherwise. #TeamJoel. I love you Marlene but oof. They literally said it's like... Cells or some shit. They can just extract the stuff without killing her. I dunno, I just think it's dumb.

Anyways, I am not going to say anything more about tonight's episode. Why did I rate the show 6/10? I don't hate it, I don't think it's terrible or bad. But I do feel very disappointed and like it was severely lacking. It could have been so much more, clearly, because what we did get is in fact absolutely amazing.

Their biggest enemy is time. They rushed it, and they rushed it badly. They cut corners, they basically strictly took cutscenes from the game and that was the show, which I personally believe is just... Lazy. The story is more than just the game's cutscenes. We get so much wholesome content that happens during the gameplay. Like Ellie's admittance to a fear / dislike of fairies!

The acting? Goddamn, flawless, the actors' performances were amazing and nobody fell short. The visuals? The scenery? The infected? Absolutely gorgeous, breathtaking. They DO stay true to the game for so much of the show, some things they executed better than the game, the music, the audios, it's all so well done.

But the rushing really brings it down for me. They rushed it just far too much, and they made the world so safe it barely feels like a "zombie" apocalypse (and I say "zombie" loosely because the infected aren't such). Joel and Ellie travel hundreds of miles and... I guess just, barely any trouble whatsoever. Marlene asking how they travelled "all this way" and making it sound like some big feat? Really wasn't earned in the show in my opinion as it was in the game. Of course they made it all that way, there was very little trouble along the way.

The infected feel very unimportant. I'm left asking... What's the point of Ellie's immunity? What's the point in the Fireflies quest to find a "cure" ?? The infected aren't really much of a threat, it seems pretty easy to avoid them altogether. I've seen people calling The Last of Us an apocalypse that would be relatively easy to survive based on the show due to the fact that you just rarely ever seem to encounter infected or other hostile survivors.

And yes I can understand they seem to have made the infected "more dangerous" and they don't want to "flood every episode with infected," but there's a difference between overdoing it and... Just having zero infected altogether. If you search up, they say over 60% of the population is either dead or infected... Well in the show it seems like they're just all dead rather than infected.

They changed the lore of the game, they changed it completely, and then did absolutely nothing with the new lore. I still honestly barely know anything about the new lore because they really didn't show us anything about it. Not once, NOT ONCE, did we see any character enter a building or any location with the living fungus tendrils where they have to avoid touching it or whatever.

The show is just far too rushed for me to give it anything more than a 6/10. They seriously missed a lot, they cut way too many corners and they made the world seem too safe, and in my opinion, they reduced the threat levels of the infected. Who cares if they are more "crazy" if you barely ever see them?

I really enjoyed it, it was entertaining and it was nice to have those moments of pointing at the screen and going "omg that's from the game!" and if they release it on dvd, guess what? I'm buying it. But it was rushed. Too many cut corners. World is too safe. They went from one extreme to the other; too many infected to practically zero infected... There is infact this thing called middle ground, but I personally feel they just skipped to the extreme of practically zero and that was that.

I absolutely do recommend the show. But... Do I recommend it over just watching the game on youtube? Probably not... If someone said, hey I wanna know the story but I will only watch the show or watch the game on youtube, what one do I watch? I'd tell them to watch the game on youtube, and then if they love it enough, THEN watch the show.

Thank you to everybody who actually reads these! Again, all of this is personal opinion of me myself and I, I speak for nobody but myself.

[whorrorgrl]

What I Watched In May

I have been gone for a long, long long, time. It's mostly because of my job, but also because of my lack of motivation in writing. I have a lot of ideas, but not really much time to write them. I

I watched a lot of things since February, things that I want to have their own individual posts, and others I forgot. Most of them are rewatches. I got HBO and was just playing Friends as white noise maybe 5-6 times (all. ten. damn seasons.). I'm not going to beat myself much about it or it'll feel like a chore, so I'm going slow. I want to upload my ideas soon though.

Anyway, here's what I watched for the month of May.

Lovecraft Country (2020)

After the disappearance of his father, Atticus "Tic" Freeman, his paternal uncle George, and childhood friend Letita "Leti" Lewis travel across segregated United States in the 1950's in search for answers. This trip kickstarts Tic into a world seemingly unreal as they fight against supernatural forces of evil and ones at their very door.

After the recent allegations against Jonathan Mayers, I was hesitant to watch this show. I knew him from that Antman movie, nothing much else. I thought he was a promising actor; decent. It’s disappointing he turned out to be an alleged awful human being. After watching Lovecraft Country, it’s an even bigger tragedy. This show is a whirlwind. Spoilers ahead.

I adore horror in show formatting. I believe it allows a plot to be properly fleshed out. But! That also means more of a dedication. That has to be the only excuse I have for not getting around to this masterpiece sooner. At only ten (10) episodes, Lovecraft Country is worth the binge.

I can easily watch certain movies and shows that others would find too hard to handle. One part I struggle with is suspense. I swear I feel it in the air and my lungs pump thick with it. But I get through it in one piece. Depending on how hard it hit me, I might not rewatch it again. After finishing LC, I think the ease at which I can watch certain movies/shows is accredited to it feeling outside of the realm of my own reality, or at least shit I wouldn't be caught dead doing.

I found it very uncomfortable to watch.

I almost didn't want to finish it.

On top of dealing with sharp teeth blob creatures, our characters have to take on the worst horror of all: racism in the 50's. Evil, pink skinned, sweaty and entitled white people make it their mission to harass and brutalize black bodies for simply existing. Worse, some wielded powers.

Horror movies are notoriously white. Even some of my favorites are all white casts with maybe an Asian or black character that gets killed off. They're usually slashers, demonic possessions, or ghosts walking in and out of frames. I'm used to that. Any underlying issues the characters battle are usually standard. In Evil Dead (2013), the main character dealt with addiction and those around her struggled keeping her focused this go-around at sobriety. In The Witch, Thomason had to assimilate to new life after being casted out by her previous community. In I See You (2019), the couple treads the aftermath of an affair - so on and so forth. The A plot is usually horrifying (messing with a spell that releases a demon, witches bordering on the edge of the forrest, or a bunch of new kids disappearing years after a case is seemingly closed) while the B plot is more grounded. I get that. But when I tell you, monsters and prophecies about magic is the least of Leti (Jurnee Smollet) and Atticus's (Jonathan Mayers) worries, I mean it. I'd prefer it. The worst scene was the very first episode where they're stuck in a sundown town with seven minutes til and have to drive 25 miles the speed limit with only seconds to spare or a shitty cop would murder them. I paused that scene countless times. The riots were another. The diner scene got me good.

Racism is just ugly. As more and more documentation reaches the mass through social media, what really happened during slavery and Jim Crow is more horrifying than the popular teachings of history in schools or dramatization in Hollywood tells. I despise this type of plot and try to avoid it. I don’t watch slave movies. The ones that I have were torture. I liked Django, but mainly because it barely had Jamie Fox suffering and actually showed him being a bad ass. I found out they wanted to do a movie on Emmett Till after the success of Central Park Five’s retelling, which was so alarming. It’s now money driven, these stories. It seems that's the only black stories Hollywood thinks is profitable. Them TV series (2021), Karen (2021), etc, are recent movies that popped up after the success of Jordan Peele debut movie. Get Out (2017) did it well. Its sons? Not so much.

That’s why I liked Little Monsters (2018), Us (2019), or my childhood favorite Haunted Mansion (2001), because they are horror movies with black lead that isn't full on KKK torture porn. Once Jordan Peele did his thing with Get Out, these studios are slowly falling into a box. Even Peele's future works like Nope and Us were speculated on being political pieces. It's only when they were first release did people realize he can create black horror without the traumas of racism. Even in the new Little Mermaid movie with Halle Bailey, there's a discourse about Ariel needing to be a slave to be historically accurate. A mermaid that got her legs from the witchcraft of a squid needs to be historically accurate. Her dad's cape is made of fish! I don't think anything is accurate in any dimension.

(Huffs) Anyway, Lovecraft.

I'd still recommend in a heart beat. So amazing. I cannot give it enough praise. The music choice was a little random and ill-fitting, some of the spoken words were excessive and didn't hit with the scenes they overlaid, and (love Jurnee but) Leti, another of many light skin love interest, was an annoying casting. Ji-Ah's storyline ending was okayish - I expected a little more since it was one of the best plots of the many packed into this show. But other than that, A in my books. I'll have to rewatch it again with my boyfriend, so I hope those painful scenes go down better the second time around. That scene with the two girls following Diana around was horrifuckingfying. It reminded me of Peele's 2022 Nope with the kids in the barnyard. Their eyes, especially in the alley when Dee waited to follow the cops, was chef's kiss. One thing I will also add is Montrose's sexuality not going down the path I thought it would. We're so used to some public, traumatizing rejection of a closeted man's sexuality to his partner and we didn't get that. It didn't end satisfactory for me since we don't know what's next for him and his partner, so it felt a little throw-away. I truly find it ironic that our characters faced racism, hated being treated as below human, yet discriminated against those within the black community that were gay, etc. It wasn't talked about much between "Tic" and Montrose enough for me and kind of seemed glossed over in order to incorporate other storylines.That's a thing with ten episode shows as opposed to 24, but not a big deal.

9/10.

2. I See You (2019)

After the abduction of a 10 year old boy, a detective and his family experience strange occurrences in their home that may or may not be related.

Weird things begin to happen in the family's home that is later explained. I kind of assumed who the abductor/killer was simply based on the small amount of characters we're introduced to, so process of elimination was short. There are three big plot twists in this movie: who the boy-abductor is of course, who killed a certain mister, and why mysterious things seem to happen under Detective Greg's Harper's roof. All were equally as shocking as the last. Some things were weird, like the green pocket knives and why those specifically. Also, why the killer would just...have a bag of them in his car where those closest to him had access to? I liked the way all the stories came together and how they perfectly made sense and answered certain behaviors characters had. For example, Alec's obsession with taunting the family and going against the rules of "phrogging." I thought he was just a jealous, sadistic street rat that hated the life the Harper's son had since the boy seemed to be the main focus. When it all came together, by then it made sense what he was doing, but still an amazing shock. Random but the story telling reminds me of A Place Beyond The Pines (2012). The interludes (that seem unrelated) between stories is a storytelling I'm now realizing I really love.

9/10.

3. The Night House (2023)

The Night House is everything Smile (2023) thought it was. If you've read my previous review on Smile, you know I do not like that movie. If it had been released in the early 00's, I would've felt a little differently, but considering it's an overplayed formula that I already loved, grew accustomed to, and now only nostalgia could draw me to it, Smile just wasn't it for me. The Night House, however, is!

Beth (played by Rebecca Hall) is dealing with the death of her late-husband who recently committed suicide, leaving her alone in her lakeside home. We witness as she reels from the tragedy in ways that leave her friends uncomfortable, concerned, and out of their element on how to console. Certain things begin to happen around the home that makes her believe there is more to her husband's death. She feels there is a presence that could be her husband haunting her and her dreams seem to blur the lines between reality and something dark that parallels. As she does more research, we’re lead to believe that her husband might’ve cheated on her when she finds multiple pictures in his electronics of women who look weirdly similar to her. When I watched the trailer, I assumed there was this mirrored house across the lake in another dimension. A second her, a second husband. Maybe hers really died but that mirrored husband lives on. In the same house. With a double her. It’s what hooked me to it.

She just has such good people around her. Claire (played by Sarah Goldberg), her neighbor Mel, and even her husband all have this woman's best interest in mind and it's really refreshing to see that those around her did what they could to help her. And you might say, her cheating husband had good intensions? Listen, listen!

You see, years ago, Beth had died for four minutes in a car accident. While others claim to see many things, Beth saw nothing. However this nothing is an entire intelligence that wants her back.

Nothing isn't over the four-minute stand he had with Beth, haunting her husband, Owen, into killing her to get her back to Nothing. Owen instead creates a reverse home by the lake, luring Beth look-alikes back to the home to trick Nothing into thinking Beth died.

This confused me a little, because I'm assuming Nothing is a lot smarter than assuming a look-alike is the Beth. Doesn't it have blood sample? A better, soul-based verification? Clearly not. It realized Owen's tricks and that lead to his "suicide." In the end, Beth is almost convinced to take her life until Claire and Mel save her in time. I believe Nothing is a metaphor of “stopping the pain.” It’s the promise of an end to the torment, the depression, the dull and excruciating task of living in misery. I just really loved it and am glad I got recommended it by TikTok.

8/10

4. Scream 6

Y'all, I don't think I can stop loving this franchise.

In an effort to not be seen as a hypocrite since, if I remember correctly, I was pretty tepid with my review on Scream V, BUT! But! This one has rejuvinated the small, itty-bitty hope I had in this franchise. 'Cause that's what she is; my baby's a franchise.

I don't know why I don't like Sydney Prescott. It's not that I hate her, but you gotta admit she's overstayed her welcome. This is why I was happy Ms Never Wanna Die was not in Scream 6. It makes so much sense, this show. It's a repeat, one I hope they don't continue, but Scream 5 is technically just "Scream," just like the first movie from 1996. The boyfriend was the killer in the original, so it's cool that the boyfriend's the killer in Scream (2022). In Scream 2 (1997), the killer's family comes back to blame Sydney Prescott for their piss-poor parenting. So In Scream 6 (2023), it's now a realized pattern that they're intentional by making the killers Richie's dad and siblings - one serial killer is bad enough, but the entire family is fucked. Hopefully in Scream 7, this isn't the same because that'd only mean the off screen Carpenter mother had some random love child with Adolf Hitler and that kid felt left out of the already dysfunctional family of the sisters.

Or it's Tara. But that's wishful thinking.

I loved loved loved loved LOVED it. The opening scene of the Jaime King kin member Samara Weaving dying was fantastic. We get to see a Ghostface reveal in the first few minutes, which is a first of the movies and so refreshing. It made me excited when I assumed we'd know one of the identities and how they'd incorporate that into the story. However, when said Ghostface heads home just to be killed by another, it blew my mind. "Who gives a fuck about the movies?!" Plus that angle? Y'all I was in heaven! I truly do not think I will EVER get tired of these movies and it's really sad. This is my Fast and Furious. This is my James Bond, my Star Wars franchise, my Days of Our Lives, My Greys Anatomy...I hope it never ends and if it does, what would life be? Bleak, I think.

I have to admit there are a few logistical issues. Like, why Kirby didn't do extensive research into Wayne Bailey the second she hopped onto the case for a "helping hand." Matter of fact, how was he even transferred to NY without a background search and the discovery of a link between Richie? Given Kirby's past and how no one in these situations can be trusted, why hadn't she done this? How had Bailey been able to bribe that many criminal evidence from the one police station without anyone finding out? Are there no inventories? Not many big cases seem to happen in that town, so I feel like the top four big cases of Ghostface would've been noticed gone. How did her therapist not know who she was since she's practically infamous, and what was his purpose in the story? I know it's to build up the many cases of defamation against Sammy but it was pretty weak. To be quite honest, a final girl like Kirby should've been handled with better care. I kind of felt like she was there for a legacy token coin and a misdirection that I'll admit got me. Other than that, pretty good.

I think these movies will be better than most being sputtered out today because of the pressure these writers have not to fuck up Wes Craven's work. A good idea would've been all the costumes on Halloween night paying tribute to Craven's many movies, but they are dated so I understand. Would've been cool though.

10/10 shit

5. The Lighthouse

I don't want to be that girl. I already stated how I am when it comes to slow burns, but I tolerate elevated horror. Tara Carpenter is rolling her eyes, but she has a stab wound to heal from so priorities. I clicked on this one and just watched it quickly before I talked myself out of it.

I like it.

I think.

Seeing Willem Dafoe being walked like a dog was an interesting scene.

Seeing a mermaid pussy was also one for the books.

The Lighthouse was directed by Robert Eggers, who we all know from The Witch. He's an amazing director and clearly has a niche for period pieces. I don't know how to properly review this since I still do not know what the fuck I watched - Watch Mojo couldn't even help me. It's based on a Greek mythology and is about wanting something you cannot have. One of the references was Icarus, who died after flying too closely to the sun despite his father's warning. Proteus, a sea god that controlled the changes of oceanic bodies of water was also mentioned. Thomas Wake (played by Willem Dafoe) warned "Ephraim Winslow" of not killing seagulls to avoid bad luck, who were believed to be reincarnated sailers. However, out of frustration of one getting in the cistern, he kills a seagull, and all goes downhill from there. Since the beginning, the demands of being a lighthouse keeper proved to be demanding for Winslow:doing menial, disgusting, or laborious jobs around the rock the lighthouse resided on. What follows is Winslow's slow turn into madness, hysteria, and greed.

The part on sailers being reincarnated into seagulls was so interesting. The one-eyed seagull attacking him multiple times correlates to the previous "wickie" under Wake who had only one eye, the other seemingly singed in. Time going by differently for Winslow when he missed the lighthouse tender because of the storm. In the end, when Wake is murdered by Winslow and Winslow finally gets to ascend to the lighthouse, a growing curiosity of his since Wake never allowed him up there but himself, it reminded me of Icarus. Getting too close to the sun. He is then seen, one eyed, laying on the rocks as seagulls pick at his intestines.

I can dissect some parts of this movie, but that's it. It was an interesting watch. If I rewatch it again, I hope to discover things I missed. Hopefully next time I'll have subtitles.

6. Bodies, Bodies, Bodies! (2023)

Directed by Halina Reijn, this movies follows a group of young adults who get stuck in a remote mansion during a hurricane. When one stumbles up dead, this kick-starts a night of horrors as the group is picked off one by one by a mysterious killer.

This movie is so funny. I knew it would be fun to watch since majority of the scenes were Tiktok sounds, my favorite being the upper middle class one. There's nothing really revolutionary to talk about during the entire movie. Majority of the drama are things that happened off screen since the movie starts when Sophie shows up on the last day of an already existing hangout. It was still good, just a little annoying when they spoke on drama between a random guy name Max and Emma. Everything else was fine and easy to follow along with. This is the friend group where everyone hates each other and probably just tolerates each other just because they grew up together. It's also a really fun and tasteful jab at our generation's internet culture and the obsessive need to find victimhood. I mention victimhood because the ending is so ridiculous and unavoidable that it's crazy. David (played by Pete Davidson) is threatened by the geriatric Greg (played by Lee Pace), a “vet" that is hanging out with a bunch of 20-somethings at his gargantuan age. Greg used a machete to cut open a bottle of champagne, which all the girls fawn over. This annoys David, who is threatened by a new man in the group and it shows. After leaving a game of heated Bodies, Bodies, Bodies between David and Greg, David goes on Tiktok to try and replicate the champagne trick, slicing his neck open in the process. He stumbles up to the house with an open neck, freaking out the girls, and making Greg suspect number one. After the most nauseating misunderstandings happen between Greg and the girls, he is killed by Bee, Sophie's new two-finger warmer, with a kettlebell. These girls went through a night of hell, accidentally killing each other off or turning against one another as preexisting tensions comes to light.

There is no killer.

I was watching this trying to do my process of elimination and coming up empty. I thought, if it's this fucking off-scene dude, Max, I will throw a fit. This cannot be Pretty Little Liar's season finale where they introduce the culprit as someone we never saw. Max was at least mentioned but still.

It was just so ridiculous in a good way. Sophie annoyed me. She didn't stand up to them kicking Bee out or the fight with Bee and Jordan. Plus, she was cheating on sweet Bee. What country is that girl from? Who knows. Aside from being a foreign girl from an unnamed country, she is the outside of the group or long term friends so they quickly turn against each other. Plus Sophie was a romantic two-timer, which raised even more tension for third party Jordan. This movie was so ridiculous that I loved it. I just keep repeating, “He’s a Libra Moon! He wouldn’t do this!”

What I really want to know is what was on that phone of Sophie's?

8/10

7. His House (2020)

Wunmi Mosaku twice in one month? I'm not complaining.

Rial and Bol are refugees who make a harrowing escape from war-torn South Sudan. However, they get more than they bargained for with their new home.

His House is…. a trip. Directed by Remi Reeks, it stars Mosaku and Sope Dirisu who move into a home after seeking asylum in England. They’re on a trial base stay where they’re placed under strict restrictions they have to abide by or else face deportation. Bol is excited to start his new life in England and assimilates quickly to their customs. He opts to eat on a table as opposed to the floor, uses utensils instead of his hands, and buys western clothing. In a later scene, he even tries to stop Rial from speaking dinka, their mother language. He attempts to be friendly with the neighbors, especially this one white woman above him, but is met with hostility. Rial, however, is less willing to assimilate to British culture and keeps her Sudanese customs, much to Bol’s dislike. I first assumed it was because everything seemed trivial after all the couple endured. On their way to England on a small fisher boat, majority of the people they were with died, including their daughter, Nyagak. But on Rial’s first trip to the doctors, she tells a physician that growing up in Sudan, two warring gang would mark themselves distinctively to whichever group they belonged to. Rial marked herself with both, signifying that she belonged nowhere. She’s used to being an outsider, so trying to fit into a country that expects her to be happy with “unseasoned scraps” is not a priority for her. Being “one of the good ones.”

The depiction of racism in this movie is so similar to how I hear it’s handled in England: it night as well not exist.

You know what they mean when they say certain things, do certain things, and treat you a certain way. Unlike the United States, racism in England is so covert that they themselves will deny ever having this problem. It’s kind of like that parent (England) traumatizing their child (United States) and then are shocked when the child goes on to live a more volatile life. Where is the origin of this madness? How did it get this bad? Not a clue.

I read Reni Eddo-Lodge’s book on Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race. The very first paragraph spoke on British’s hidden racist history. They learned about American history with racism, yet not their own, so people will swear up and down it’s not a thing.

But the racial undertones are just that in this movie, undertones. It isn’t on equal grounds as Lovecraft Country when it comes to the most impeding issue Bol and Rial will have to face. An apeth, a night witch, haunts the home, tormenting the couple so that a “debt” is paid.

The horror elements were amazing. I love this new turn in supernatural movies, especially when it comes to hauntings. Lingering shots, horrifying visuals that are so vivid, and those ghosts that sneak up on you out of frame. Is this an elevated horror? If so, it’s what The Babadook was for others but for me. I really don’t like the Babadook, but that was years ago. If I have time to waste, I’ll rewatch it and see how I like it.

Now to the spoilers. The twist was a twist for sure. On my second rewatching, it was a completely different experience because it’s so obvious yet so not what was really happening. This apeth that keeps haunting them calls Bol a thief and he seems to be the primary focus of the entity. Rial tells a story of a man that was poor and wanted a home, just like Bol, who stole from another man that he didn’t know was a night witch. He got his home and the apeth moved in with him, haunting and tormenting the man. I sat to wonder, what did Bol steal? Why isn’t this life his to have? I assumed he was a member of one of the gang that must’ve changed his mind on murdering and wanted to seek refuge. Did he kill someone to get the opportunity?

Girl no.

He stole Nyagak, his “daughter.” After Rial survives a massacre of her friends and Bol goes to find her, they escape with other people seeking refuge. They happen upon a bus that’s only loading people with children. As people fight to be let on, the bus lead refuses single people. As the gang shoots in a distance, Bol sees a child separated from her parent and grabs her, lying to the bus head and giving Rial and Bol a seat to freedom. Nyagak ends up dying on the boat, which starts the chain of a apeth following then to whichever home they get.

It’s funny when they get to the house and Mark greets them. The house is bigger than those afforded to refugees. Rial asks why they got such a big house and Mark states, “Must’ve won the jackpot.”

I really liked this movie and, unlike most elevated horrors, it has a good rewatch quality to it. I’d highly recommend it.

One random realization is that Brits are amazing actors. I realize this when I watched Fish Tank (2009). It’s just so realistic and so natural. One scene where Rial sees three black boys playing. She gets a sense of relief seeing them and goes to ask them for directions. They’re assholes and even tell her to go back to Africa, mocking her mother language and pronunciation. They were just so realistic and so natural. Even the most random actors with small roles are so good, I don’t know. Those acting coaches there are something else.

Lastly, Netflix, I need everything translated. I don’t care how insignificant it is, translate that shit! [Speaking in Dinka] motherfuckers. Tsk!

10/10

8. Swarm (2023)

An obsessed, Houston-base fan goes to increasingly violent lengths for her favorite R&B singer amid a death.

This one is hilarious. Why? Because I am a Beyonce fan. I even have her tatted on me, no joke. With that said, I know the Hive can be an interesting fandom. Does it rival Nicki Minaj's? Closely. Does it Chris Brown's? Crack always prevails, so no.

I do not like Donald Glover, nor his portrayal of black women. When it comes to Dre, a mentally ill black woman, he describes her as he would a rabid dog and directed Dominique Fishback as such. Instead of allowing Swarm to be a depiction - of sorts - of mental illness of a black woman taking form in murderous ways funneled through a shared interest between her and her late sister Marissa, we get this. The links between Beyonce I think was a good touch because it's funny and kinda true. The soul of the movie and its intentions I'll save for another day.

Fishback is amazing and my first time with her. Billie Eilish as Eva was jaw dropping. But best of all, Rickey Thompson as Kenny just trying to do his job was hilarious. I wanted to watch him over and over again and I hope it's a start to an amazing acting career.

The question I have with this show is, did Dre kill Marissa? I believe so. At first, I didn't. Marissa had a history of depression and seemed co-dependent so I'd assumed she killed herself from the breakup. But as I watched more reviewers who pointed out things I hadn't noticed, it seems more plausible.

I don't think Dre's murderous rampage is just because she loves Ni'Jah. The R&B singer was something Dre and Marissa shared together. She was this successful woman that inspired the girls, especially Marissa who wanted to be a popular makeup artist. She had Youtube videos of makeup tutorials and dreamed of being big. When she died, Dre (who might've been the one to take that life) saw Ni'Jah as the potential, the stardom, the fame that Marissa could've had. She essentially saw this woman as a way to still have some remnant of her late sister. Anyone who did not like Ni'Jah Dre viewed as insulting her best friend. They might as well have spat on Marissa’s dead body. The obsession with driving across states to see Ni'Jah, wanting to get close to her and be at that concert no matter what obstacle came in her way showed that. We don’t see this much length be measured when Marissa was alive.

Marissa and the R&B singer were one in the same. This proves true when Dre steals her way on stage with Ni'Jah. Instead of being tackled off, the dancers and Ni'Jah helps her up. Instead of the R&B singer's face, we see Marissa, who embraces her.

The show kept me on my toes every episode. The many casts were also interesting. My favorite death would be Paris Jackson's. I love the tongue-in-cheek jokes that mirror scandals and rumors of the actors, including Beyonce. That fact that Dre is the one to bite Bey was on the nose. The mini documentary that shows that what we're viewing is a dramatization of actors and seeing pictures of the "real" Dre was a nice twist too.

Let's talk about Ms Eilish! Those big, Piscean eyes. This woman is stunning. For her first acting debut, she was a plot twist of the many that were in this show. She came off creepy yet comforting at the same time, the perfect depiction of a cult leader. Truthfully, if that's a cult, I'd join. That's how I know I'd be perfect for these cult recruiters because to this day I don't see the red flags of those white bitches. Of course, they leverage your deepest secrets above your head to keep you in but honestly it's all namaste and ashwagandha mellows from there. Hiking, sisterhood, meditations? I hope I don't sound stupid...

Apparently there'll be a season two. I'm not the best in figuring out if a show needs one, but I don't think this one does. There are a lot of unanswered questions but I think for an ending like the one we were given....dead it. It's an open-ended answer and the speculation of what is real and what isn't is fun and elevates it. If it comes out I'll still watch it, but I hope that's it.

10/10

9. Level 16 (2018)

Girls in a prison-like boarding school embark on a desperate search to uncover the awful truth behind their captivity.

This is literally The Promised Neverland. It really isn't far off from what I hear is being done for people to retain youth. Especially for those who can afford it. If anyone knows that one Ellen interview with Sandra Bullock, I don't even think that's the tip of the iceberg.

This one was all over my Tiktok feed, plus Stephanie Soo made a video on it so I knew what it was about and knew the big reveal. I still liked the movie, so I don't think it ruined it for me. But I do know my experience would've been a lot different hadn't I known. It's so hard avoiding spoilers. Even harder when you don't realize it's a spoiler you'll want to avoid in the future.

I know Katie Douglas from Ginny and Georgia and a few clips of The Girl Who Escaped (2021). Sara Canning is Jenna from The Vampire Diaries, so it was nice seeing that she's still employed. Love her.

Like The Promised Neverland, the children of this "boarding school" endure sixteen years of indoctrination in an attempt to be the perfect child in hopes of being adopted. They have never been outside and have only been within the walls of the school. The girls don't know certain things like "movies," calling them "moving pictures." They're unaware of how to read and I assume write. Every day is a schedule that doesn't falter. If there are any interruptions, the fear of being sent to the basement for punishment and being seen as "unclean" keeps them in line. There are also guards. Unclean girls are ostracized and treated as infections that might spread to the others. Vivian hides that secret of being "unclean" years ago after an incident on level 10, but it isn't a pressing issue in the story.

This is a good plot. It was weirdly paced, but still good. Maybe it has to do with me knowing the stakes, but I felt like it wasn't better shown? I just couldn't take this joke of a school seriously. It seemed like they only had two guards and the rooms were poorly ran. If the girls knew any better they'd easily overpower them or just break through the thin, rotting walls.

Certain things didn't make sense. Vivian was punished on level 10 trying to help Sophia. Years pass when the girls meet each other on level 16 once again, their final year. Vivian is now a obedient girl that treads the line and avoid getting involved with anything that would jeopardize adoption. With that said, why would she not take the medication when Sophia told her? Sophia gave no explanation. From the point of view of Vivian, Sophia is the reason why she went through something so traumatic in the basement that still haunts her six years later. So why just automatically believe her with no reason to and the potential of defying these "caretakers" that once punished her for something similar?

I'm nitpicking.

I just like this specific plot and had my jaws to the floor when The Promised Neverland first released it. Who would've thought an orphanage would turn out to be a farm for harvesting children...Definitely doesn't happen in the real world that's for sure! (sarcasm)

An amazing plot. It had one horrific scene which is horror enough for me, so I added it to this month's reviews.

7/10

10. The Babysitter: Killer Queen

Two years after defeating a satanic cult lead by his babysitter, Cole once again has to outsmart the forces if evil when old enemies unexpectedly return.

Starring Judah Lewis once again as Cole, he is now a junior in high school still being bullied. The fact that all the events of the first 2017 movie was cleaned up results in no one believing Cole who is mocked for being “crazy.” His parents think he’s nuts, even his best friend Melanie (reprised by Emily Alyn Lind) who’d helped him that night of outrunning his satanic babysitter, didn’t really see much to help his case. Even her new boneheaded boyfriend picks on Cole.

This one was also on my lift for a long time. I really liked the first movie, but had forgotten it, so I rewatched it before watching this new sequel (new to me anyway), so I guess you can add that to the list of what I watched this May. Killer Queen is so fun. I watched it two more times after because it’s a light movie, which is surprising given the premise. Black comedy horror are usually good and this is no exception. I might make a list honoring them. The comedic timing, the visual effects, the casting, and, the best of all, Jenna mother fucking Ortega.

I didn’t really like this role much for her for some reason. The character is great and all, but something was just off. Not sure. It doesn’t ruin my rating of this movie but I just wanted to put that out there.

Now to the spoilers. Melanie is the new blond goddess with her name in the devil’s book. I did not see that shit coming. They corner Cole on a boat after taking him on a trip to “relax” after he finds out his parents are fed up with their crazy son and are planning to ship him off to a psychiatric hospital. The new group of teens are Melanie, her boyfriend, Jimmy, Diego, and Boom-Boom are all playing a game when Diego tastelessly ask Cole about his killer babysitter. Melanie instigates, but Diego presses. Melanie slips up a detail of the night that Cole never mentioned to her and she is figured out when Cole doesn’t budge on never having had mentioned that information. Melanie slits Boom-Boom’s throat. The sacrificed. Cole is once again face to face with the same cult that wanted to use his blood for power, fame, and glory. Funnily enough tonight is the night the old friend group of his dead babysitter, Bee, comes back. They are still on the pursuit to use Cole’s blood to get their wildest dreams. Phoebe, Jenna Ortega’s character that’s on her own side quest that independently seems to be related to Cole’s, opens the door to the scene. Her jet ski ran out of gas and she’d stopped on the anchored boat for help but quickly leaves once it’s obvious this is no ordinary party.

I don’t mean to victim blame here, but all of this could’ve been avoided if Cole just got drugged. Actually, I do mean to victim blame. It would be less traumatizing, wouldn’t it?

In the first movie, Bee laced a shot glass of alcohol she was going to give to young Cole but he was afraid of the taste and downed it in the plant when Bee wasn’t looking. From what I got, they were going to leave the boy alive. In Killer Queen, that seemed to be the same case. But that didn’t happen, so Melanie had to quickly improvise. Her deal with the devil was more important than her friendship with Cole, who she teases his feelings for her on many occasions.

I’m not saying just let them use you for a satanic ritual, but if you end up alive… I don’t know. Seems better than running around trying to outrun two groups of killers out for blood.

This movie is just hilarious. My three favorite characters are Robbie Amell, jock head of Bee’s friend group, and Ken Marino, who plays Cole’s father. Marino I know from iZombie and he is hilarious on that too. Everything Amell says is just so perfectly timed and he’s not so bad to look at. I liked him in Duff and that one Scooby live action in 2009. He’s also in a show called Upload I’m excited to start - the clips looked amazing on Tiktok. Samara Weaving is an iconic given, and I’m happy that she and Ortega have worked together in Scream 6.

I recommend both movies strongly. The plot is so good and the actors are perfectly casted. The ending is nice too. I’m just really glad his parents will finally realize he’s telling the truth. Misunderstandings and gaslighting a protagonist is the worst. If they make a third movie, I wouldn’t mind at all. I hope Netflix does since they love to run things into the mud, but we’ll see.

10/10.

Next month I plan on watching the new Evil Dead Rise. I'm just waiting on my boyfriend, so it'll take a while. He also hasn't watched any Jordan Peele movies, which is crazy but perfect for me because I get to rewatch them all over again. I'm mostly excited for Get Out. Thank you for those who read my reviews. I hope I inspired a movie night or two, a binge watch or five.

[kerra-and-company]

OC Music prompt! All 6 for your newest kiddo (unless you've already done one for them in which case all 6 for Brook!) (@uselessidiotsquad)

Hmm. What if Both? :3 (And thus this post became Long asl;dkjfasdf) But thanks a bunch for the ask! Ever and Brook songs be upon ye!

Ever

1. backstory

The Newly Awakened (from the official LWS2 soundtrack)

This song isn't used in entirely its original context since Ever's not a Secondborn by a long shot--they awaken during LWS3--but the vibes of this track are very much early!Ever regardless, so they get this one.

2. personality

I'm just young enough to still believe, still believe But young enough not to know what to believe in Young enough not to know what to believe

If I can live through this If I can live through this If I can live through this I can do anything

(Champion by Fall Out Boy)

Ever is not that old but also not that young. It gets Fall Out Boy, which is appropriate because of both the lyrics and the vibes of this song--and, on a more personal level, it's close to the same (mental, at least, I was older than 6 lol) age I was when I found that group, so...yeah. There you go!

3. angst

I seem fine But I can't take the highs and the lows All I am is a weapon I shoot 'em down 'til I end up alone

I always say I hate the way you look at me now And I swear, I didn't mean to be a let down What I broke can't be fixed with all my sorry excuses, no

(weapon by Against The Current)

...presented without comment.

4. comfort

We are friends for life Hold that deep inside Let this be a drive To survive

And just stand, high and tall Make sure you give your all And if you ever fall Know that I'm right here

We'll always be together, don't you worry I'll always be by your side, don't you worry

(Always Be Together by Little Mix)

Ever desperately wants to believe this.

5. love life

Not applicable (yet!! that'll likely change :3)

6. fight scene

Countdown's on you best get moving I'm about to change the game Go ahead, try to outrun me It's all the same Ready or not

(Ready or Not by WAR*HALL)

Aaaand bonus Brook songs under the cut! :D

Brook

1. backstory

If you let me I could I'd show you how to build your fences Set restrictions, separate from the world The constant battle that you hate to fight Just blame the limelight Don't look up, just let them think There's no place else you'd rather be

(Fences by Paramore)

Growing up in the Ash fahrar with magic that even you don't understand is a Time, to say the least.

2. personality

So tired from the miles I'm traveling Getting lost somewhere that I haven't been When all the bad shit starts happening I ain't never throwing that towel in

There's a lion in the wardrobe And a wolf out the door I might never get to heaven But I've been there before

(Lion by Hearts & Colors)

I mentioned this on another post at some point, but Brook is very resilient in the specific kinda sense of "you cannot kill me in a way that matters". They will build some semblance of a life back from ashes and will slowly work towards being at least vaguely happy again, even if they can't ever fully get there.

3. angst

Nowhere to run Nowhere to hide You left me spinning around in my mind I got no signal You never replied And I can't get no sleep

I keep telling my, telling myself your ghost story You got me lying awake in my bed, you still haunt me And I can't break free

(Ghost Story by Cheat Codes and All Time Low)

This song isn't meant to be about exactly what I envision it to be about in Brook's case, but it's funny how a song about ghosting someone can also sound a little bit like a song about someone you think is dead. This is one I could dissect in depth for them, weirdly enough aklsjdf

4. comfort

You've seen some trouble Some dark and stormy nights Dry your eyes my son, you're not alone I know the brave, hard You carry your little light up the path in every way you go

Paint the skies Chase the highs Draw the colors of the night Follow the rhythm of your hungry heart Feel the sun catch the vibe for a limited time Be the hunger in your hungry heart Our hungry hearts

(Hungry Hearts by River)

A little bit of Brook's worship of Kormir coming in here, but also them finding a home with the Olmakhan for the years they're there.

5. love life

Nobody gets me like you do I'm not the same, not after you So many things that we've been through I'm not the same, not after All that's been said and done I don't even feel like I'm back at one Nobody gets me like you do I'm not the same, not after you

(After You by Gryffin)

For Brook and Casca - truly a combination of the lyrics, the music, and the vibes of the music video.

Bonus one:

And nothing left unspoken When you whisper, I heard you say

Go on then, love And show me your heart 'Cause you are enough As you are and I'm awestruck So go on then, love

(Go on Then, Love by Said The Sky)

6. fight scene

The Call (the League of Legends one)

Almost more for the vibes than the lyrics (so listen to it if you want a more accurate impression), but the lyrics don't not fit, either!

[galactic-pirates]

Hello! For the elemental writer's game:

Water, Fire, Air, Shadows, and Space! 😊

Oh wow so many! Thank you so much!!!!

Water: How did you start writing? I don't remember.

That is the honest answer because I have been writing for the entire of my living memory. I don't have anything I wrote when I was like 6 or something. I do have some scribbles from when I was 9 I think? I was obsessed with the Hardy Boys books, and Diagnosis Murder TV show at the time. These were more ideas than complete stories. The first complete stories were fanfic for The Royal/Heartbeat which was an odd fandom for me to accidentally fall into, and it was nothing to do with being obsessed and everything to do with wanting to make a friend IRL. This girl at school was obsessed and I found her trying to make a fansite and I knew how to code so helped, she then asked me to beta read her fanfic, and being story-minded, I then dove into writing my own. It was a good gateway I guess because while I didn't care all that much about that show, it led me into fan spaces online and I found fandoms that I did really love.

Anyway, it's been 23 years since I posted my first fanfic on the internet, and I've been writing for longer than that so yeah, I don't recall precisely how I first picked up the pen. I had stories I wanted to tell and that's just how it's always been.

Side note: I think this is a "how I was raised" thing because mum is more about words, and if the topic of 'art' comes up, always states very firmly that she can't draw. It's a point of frustration for me now in trying to teach myself how to draw, that the years when I could have comfortably been shit at it (when I was a child) were decades ago and I missed them because I didn't even contemplate drawing until I was an adult. I think if I'd grown up in a more artistic environment then I would have had an outlet other than words for crafting stories, but instead words were all I had.

Fire: What’s a scene that you are dying to write? As I don't write fanfic anymore, and trying to describe a scene from my novel would be missing so much context, I'll instead pick an art piece I hope to make in the next couple of months :)

Janeway and Amelia Earhart from Star Trek: Voyager for AU August. I think it could fit under Day 1 (canon divergence) or 18 (space travel) but I want Amelia on Voyager dammit! It's been years since I watched "The 37s" episode and it has never left me. The injustice. Amelia Earhart should have joined the crew, become a pilot, hooked up with Janeway. Ahem.

Obviously I want to make everything on my list (and hopefully will one day) but when I ran my eyes down the list, this is the one that jumped out. So cross fingers I can make it happen.

Air: What’s the easiest part of writing for you? Can I say the ideas? Planning. I love it when pieces just click into place and then everything unfolds. It's just like magic.

Buuuuut as I said when I answered the question about the hardest part, that is probably not what is meant? It's probably more about the words. In which case... I guess dialogue? I mean I said description was the hard part as setting the scene can be clunky and I need to fix that in revision. And if something isn't description then it's dialogue. I mean there's a lot in between too like whether something is scene setting, action beats, thoughts etc. though that kinda all falls under the heading 'description'. I think I'm overthinking this.

Shadows: What’s the darkest theme you’ve ever written about? I don't know. I'm not really given to dark themes because I always like a happy ending. Sometimes characters go through some shit but only so they can have revelations and become happier/more at peace with themselves. There was the apocalypse in Life Without Purpose. I did do a time loop character death fic The Beauty and the Tragedy but I wound up writing an alternate happy ending as while structurally it was beautiful (one of those that I look at and I'm like I wrote that?? as it's so not my usual style), it was too sad. Painting Layers of Love had agoraphobia and that's why it's abandoned because I have that, and put too much of myself into it and then couldn't fix it.

I guess in a lot of ways I don't think I've really written dark 'themes' because while bad stuff happens, it's never the end. There is always hope. I don't like unrelenting misery in my entertainment - there's enough of that in real life. That doesn't mean characters don't go on journeys, or grapple with darker issues. Like my current novel thematically is a battle about losing hope. Some characters give up and surrender to despair, others make unwise choices out of fear, there is the constant question of do they persevere? I don't just write fluff, I just like to make it right in the end.

Space: Where’s your favorite place to write? Answered here. So have an extra :)

Spring: Have you ever scrapped (a huge chunk of) a story to start over?  Why did the change come about? Bwahahahaha - I laugh so I do not cry.

I have scrapped hundreds of thousands of words over the years I'm sure. Maybe even a million I don't know. There was an espionage novel which was a NaNo project on... at least 4 occasions (possibly more), and I kept doing complete rewrites because when I went to revise it was never the story that I had hoped to tell. My current novel series I am writing a rebooted version. So essentially complete rewrites. Very little of the original books remain, so just off those I have tossed probably getting on for 200k. I also have a complete rewrite in the works for my sci-fi thriller novel (another 80k or so tossed). Eventually I will reboot my Camelot retelling and that will be another 50k out the window as I turn it from the wreck of a rushed, sloppy novella into an actual series. I haven't looked at my Steampunk since I took a break from it, but I'm pretty sure that'll need an almost complete rewrite as well (another 60k tossed).

Why do I scrap and start over? Because past!Me thought I had done a good job and hadn't basically. When idea met reality on the page, that's when all the flaws are revealed. Plus I have read a metric ton of craft books in the past year and learned loads. I know I can do it better now - this is the TLDR of it all. Basically I want the story to fulfil it's potential - I want it to be good! - and to get the story to where I want it requires sacrifice and hard work.

Now if the question is "have I ever scrapped a huge chunk of fanfic" then the answer to that is no (aside from the unfinished messes on my HD anyway). I have very little filter when it comes to fanfic. Sometimes I rework things a little bit, go back and add in extra scenes or something, but otherwise the fanfics are just driven by pure love and obsession. What you see is what you get with them.

[iszzyb]

I just need a place to rant

ahahhahahahhaha guess who need $691 to get her wisdom teeth removed 🙃

I finally worked up the courage to go to the dentist , and no insurance but found one that had discounts and a free consultation. I've been trying to save for a trip to see friends so i been working more ( i do uber eats n have applied to others but no ones hiring mee imma go through my resume tomorrow and redo it again) , but shit keeps popping up and i only have like $60 towards that. ( its in Oct so i still have some time but i was trying to at least get the flight tickets by next month )

I might just have to take a train or drive??? up there idk both would be like a 24-48 travel time.

back to the dentist i need wisdom teeth removed ( one has a hole both are impacted ) there's 2 cleanings which are some what affordable to me and than filling last . ovb not all at once but the wisdom teeth need to come out asp. The total price is like $4,491 ( with a 30% discount what ever it could be applied to ) I signed up for a credit plan that will help cover$3000 ( with me paying $149 a month to pay it off after the op ) but that covers most the extraction and leaves $691 for me to pay towards it ( the wisdom teeth extraction is $3691 in total)

I been on the phone and chatting with dental insurance all this morning and the main things I would need cover I wouldn't have acess to untill 6 months ; which is too far for what i need done asp . My mum has helps a bit by telling me and getting me a meeting with a possible free option ( they will be calling me Friday , so hopefully i qualify for that)

Mentally I been doing ok , not too deep of depression mostly lonelyness here n there cuz well everyone is busy or depressed them self right now .

I Still have the goal of moving out ( well getting a car 1st) but that would come after getting a more stable job( dentist stuff and trip). I appiled to about 7 diff jobs so far and got a " not selected by employer " on 4 of them ( come on sam's club or lib job!!!) (as for the bakery position I'm pretty sure i just don't have it cuz they have just left me hanging )

Good things :

Ive gotten better at setting boundaries & taking up space. I'm still working on it but i am not minimizing myself as much

( although they are not helping) I'm able to call insurance company sand job search with out getting to overwhelmed. I've been pacing myself pretty well lately and am able to get a lot more thing done on a day to day basis.

I haven't been streaming/gamming as much but i have been consistant with content creating ( mostly been uploading shorts on youtube & tiktok) , not to become n influencer but just to create / show others that its ok to have multi hobbied and be weird, ect . just having fun online . I feel like its helping me out with my anxiety.

& at home me and my mum have come up with a non verbal day , where we don't really speak to each other . If its an emergency or warning each other then yes we do speak but no causal convo. This helps me not feel so overwhelmed by her and this gives mum some time alone(kinda). Honestly it helps slowdown the weird co-dependency we have going on here; its just been super nice having a quiet day once a week ( still plan on moving out when i can)

[dreaminmetaphors]

Limes

Okay, you just crossed the line in a big way,

so now we're gonna have a little talk, you & me.

Don't think I haven't noticed how the world is changing.

Portland used to be a slate gray winter,

hazing a drizzle-cloud around rather than downpouring up on ya,

I didn't mind the rain; it's what I came here to plant myself in,

but now? It comes down 1-night-stand hard & heavy,

pounding it fast as if to get it over with.

Alternate winters bring weeks of bitter cold cloudlessness,

though I realize you're messing with my head on that one,

gradually warming up the threshold of what cold means.

Global Warming, I see what you're doing, and I don't like it,

but I'm willing to accept the future with you in my life--

As long as you do NOT mess with my limes.

See, I don't drink soda except when there's rum in it,

and where one little squeeze can make a good drink great,

juicy, chunky limes have straight-up rescued some miss-mixed messes.

Think how the lime's acidity pulls all the flavors of Pad Thai into a choral harmony.

I love my limes. After I've got my squeezing out, I'm not done.

I'll eat every bit of that tart, sticky flesh.

I accept the pucker-face.

LIVE that pucker-face like breathing through a yoga position...

So. Time for the reckoning:

Polar bears? Yeah, our bad.

& that ice cap slowly gliding off Antarctica.

(Ozone almost patched, too.)

There's probably other stuff I should be worried about, yeah?

Funny thing is, I don't mind an explosion of tornadoes ripping up Arkansas every April.

Nobody else is volunteering to pry guns from their shit-stupid redneck fat-fingers.

After Stand Your Ground, kids playing Hunger Games,

& don't think I forgot those butterfly ballots,

another Category 5 hurricane, or fuck it, show us what a Category 6 is

could be the best thing to happen to Florida.

Rest of America would taste that rainbow.

Yeah, I realize I'm sacrificing Key Lime Pie, but that's mostly marketing.

The majority of limes come from Mexico, where they're experiencing more droughts in the growing area...

So let's deal. You can pimp slap the American South

like you were the reincarnation of General Sherman.

They deserve it. Again.

I'll even throw in Manhattan:

drown those coke-snorting Wall Street rats in the subway tunnels.

But do not Do Not destroy my limes.

Do you realize how hard it is to replicate lime with artificial flavoring?

Unlike strawberry, so easy to forge that only the freshest real deals make the fakes offensive,

No one really does it. Lime runts are chalky.

Skittles gave up and switched in green apple when they couldn't get the lime right.

You can barely catch the tart shock of how a lime feels even standing in the lime light!

So I will do whatever I need to.

Even if I have to travel to a now-defrosting Northern Canada,

Buy up soon-to-be-sunny beachfront property,

plant my own lime trees all across my acres,

I'll do that while the rest of a stupid humanity is dying out like dinosaurs.

When you're all out of fossil fuel fools feeding your feedback loops,

whose pollution are you gonna use?

You gonna come crawling back like spring?

Or be falling at my feet like autumn leaves, all at once these days,

in between the two remaining seasons?

I've been cutting out red meat. I don't even drive a car. I will give you NOTHING.

Global warming, this is a warning: I will have my limes.

I WILL HAVE MY LIMES!

Do Not FUCK with my LIMES!!!