#whorrorgrl

[whorrorgrl]

What I Watched in July

What didn't I watch this month?

I was going to do my usual thing of just listing off every, single movie I watched within the month. They're usually short of ten, which is good since I'm only able to upload ten pictures at a time on here. But I had a very, very long leave. 31 days exactly. I was bored out of my mind, broke so there's not much I can do, and a natural homebody anyway. I watched a total of 20 movies, and that's only counting new ones. I watched all eleven seasons of Modern Family and then circled back halfway. I watched The Bear, which was pretty good! I'm a sucker for corny sitcoms so I polished off American Housewife. Rewatched some episodes of iZombie. Rewatched a few comfort movies, and decided to go down the horrors of the 80's.

I had a rule and that rule was to watch as many new movies as I could. I'm so prone to sticking to my comfort zones in many sectors of my life. It's why I'm a home-body, it's why I have three good friends, and it's also why hitting failure in the gym's a challenge - my 10-12 reps of moderate weights that only begin to challenge me on the last three is enough.

Anyway!

My favorite era of horror is the 2000's for two good reasons. It gave us gems like Wrong Turn, Texas Chainsaw (2006), Triangle, The Ring, Shutter, Dead Silence, etc. There's a style in storylines, tropes, camera angles, and just general ambiance that bookmarks it as the 2000's. Final girls running through the woods in a classic white tank and blue daisy shorts; A roofless Jeep barreling down a detoured road with teenagers/YA; an entity terrifying a protagonist and the library scene of them researching connections to their harrowing situations. The second reason is, of course, nostalgia. Kind of hard to beat. I grew up on these movies. They're so comforting. I've managed to stick to mostly 2000's and 2010's movies, but I know there are gems I'm missing out on. Few I'm already acquainted with are Misery, Death Becomes Her, The Craft, the Scream franchise, the Sixth Sense, etc. However, these movies are only a few years to a decade shy of the 2000's, which obviously took its influence from its predecessors. But two generations away? The 80's seemed far fetched. I convinced myself that I wouldn't like it or maybe I was too used to other horrors to find the syrupy, gooey looking blood and corny jumpscares scary enough, much less enjoyable. Granted, I did watch Nightmare on Elm Street, Child's Play, and Halloween, but I was only afraid of Child's Play because I watched it as a literal child. Nightmare and Halloween I'd watched a lot older and I don't like them at all. They're actually overrated to me.

So that was the goal this month. Watch some old shit. And that I did.

1. Shrooms (2007, Paddy Breathnach)

A group of American teenagers head to Ireland to get high in the woods. With the help of a local tour guide, the group sets up camp for a trip of a lifetime. However, things take a turn when a deadly mushroom gives Tara the ability to see which of her friends will be killed off, as a mysterious murderer lurks close by.

I had to start with a new 2000's just to grease my way in.

This movie is not one to take seriously. It's a horror movie involving shrooms where there's a scene of a talking cow, so calm the think pieces on this one. It gives you a decent storyline and there are psychological aspects as one would guess, but nothing much different from any other YA slasher. It honestly requires nostalgia for me to love above a normal degree. Since I don't have that, it's a nice one and done watch. For some reason, though, I still bought the DVD. Maybe I'll watch it on my own trip.

One surprise is the hillbillies the teens run into that remind me of Tucker and Dale. They have absolutely nothing to do with the mess going on outside but are the easier targets to blame. Random, but it's so funny seeing hill billies outside of America. Growing up in another country where you watch all these American movies, you get these stereotypes in your head of what it all is. School lockers, Disney World, and Hillbillies in some state like West Virginia or Kentucky. Seeing an Aussie in the sticks is so funny to me.

The movie encompasses all that I like: dumb teens being killed off but in another country. Indigenous (2014), Hostel (2005), The Green Inferno (2013), As Above So Below (2014), and Turistas (2006) aren't shaking in their boots though. I for some reason don't want to talk about the ending. It's good. I just feel like this review is getting too long for how I really feel about this movie. A decent 5/10

2. Frankenhooker (1990, Frank Henenlotter)

After a horrific accident butchers his wife Elizabeth, a pseudo-scientist Jeffrey gauges up a plan to rebuild his wife and bring her back to life piece by piece.

I found this one on Amazon Prime....which I thought I unsubscribed from. Not that this connects, but they are currently being sued for a few class action lawsuits, one being making it difficult to unsubscribe from their membership. But anyway, I had Prime. While simultaneously going through my bank statements, I was checking out their horror options. The ones that were free were obscure. Frankenhooker was among them.

The accident that murdered his wife Elizabeth was a lawnmower that Jeffrey himself created. It ran her over and tore her to bits. Aside from her head, a hand, and some miscellaneous limbs, he didn't get much from his dearly departed before her other parts were cleaned up. He concocts a plan to revive her with the upcoming lightning storm that should help reanimate her back into one piece. Only, he needs parts. So he shops for hookers downtown.

I outright laughed with this movie because it's so ridiculous. The scene of the hookers blowing up was so campy. When you can see the split second they replaced the actress with a dummy, oh my god. So goofy, but I actually respected. When you can see the amount of time that went into something so silly, it's actually fun. Practical effects show effort. I was imagining them making head molds out of the actresses and spending hours getting them right just to blow them up. Or painting those limbs; a dislocated foot, an arm, an entire thigh. It was all so much. The burbling purple liquid...so odd.

I would watch this one drunk with a group of friends. It's just camp, that's all I can say. That scene of the reanimated left over body parts? The ending?! The ridiculousness of it all. 9/10. I don't care. I just skimmed the director's other works and I'm adding them all to my lift if they're even close to Frankenhooker. A fun watch.

3. Christine (1983, dir. John Carpenter)

17-year old, Arnie, buys and restores a rusty 1958 Nlumouyh Fury automobile. Unbeknownst to him, the car is possessed by a murderous entity.

I ain't even gon' hold you. I thought this movie would be stupid. In my head, it's only so thin the line can be to tread with a villain like this. A car....

But!

I was wrong. I am completely surprised by this and I understand why it is a classic. I even bought the DVD. We're officially in 80's territory, bordering on the 70's so the characters and their mannerisms were very uncanny valley for me but not too bad. This is my second John Carpenter movie alongside Halloween (1978). I've only watched The Fog (2005), but I've added 1980's to my list. I actually tried to start it but fell asleep and gave up. Not sure why, but anything other than Freaky Friday that has Jamie Lee Curtis as the final girl makes me sleepy.

I liked how there's no backstory as to why there's an entity in this car. From the day it was made, my girl Christine was killing. Didn't crawl out of hell and run into a conveyer belt, no Charles Lee Ray business; just made bad. She's regenerative, vengeful, and even jealous when Arnie, her new owner, gets a girlfriend. Arnie isn't the most popular guy in school and is constantly bullied, even with the help of his friend. Christine makes it her mission to rid Arnie of those who harm him. Later, she'll rid him of those who try to get between them. It was just such a good plot that was executed perfectly. I thought this was going to be some mess, but 10/10

4. Psycho II (1983, dir. Richard Franklin)

After the murders in his hotel, Norman Bates is back in town on a clean slate. He goes back to Bates Motel where mother awaits.

In Scream 4, Kirby Reed made a comment about Psycho II being underrated. It stuck in my head for a while until I finally decided to watch it. I can 100% agree. Listen I'll find any reason to hate on Alfred Hitchcock like I would any abusive, misogynistic director in Hollywood, but Psycho II is better than its predecessor. Anthony Perkins reprises his role two decades later as the movie follows the same time frame. Norman has been hospitalized, diagnosed with BPD, and is released 20 years later following the incidents. Not all are on board, especially a persistent Lila Crane, but Emma Spool vouches for him so that he can get a job at a diner. He meets Mary Loomis (with apparent relations to Billy Loomis) and a new set of killing starts.

Before I even start, there are two Tillys? I was casually stalking the actors and realized that the actress for Mary is Jennifer Tilly's sister, Meg Tilly. I couldn't believe how small a'world we live in. Now I have to watch Body Snatchers (1993) and anything else Meg is in.

I loved the plot twist of this movie and how it all ended. Norman is really an unwell character so you find yourself sympathizing with the man. He's awful, but you watch as this man fails to discern reality from his own madness and how mother is incorporated into it. She is a mysterious woman. We don't see much of her, sort of like The Woman in Black. She is this big entity in the movie even though you know she isn't real. This movie is the peak of mommy issues. The ending where a real, flesh and blood option is open to Norman to have a mother but he's only interested in the twisted, evil version that haunts his head is fantastic. 10/10

5. Psycho III (1986)

Bates Motel is still in business, and Norman is still free. He's fallen in love once more, this time to a fallen nun. But will his past be behind him, or will it all unravel in this third addition to the world of Norman Bates.

It only made sense to watch the third installment. You see more of the look of the 80's that it's so known for, especially slashers. This is where the infamous scene from Scream (1996) comes in when Billy Loomis says, "We all go a little mad sometimes."

The parts I liked were of course mother. She continues to be this looming, bigger than life figure tormenting those around Norman. I liked the slasher-like scene of the young partygoers dying at the hands of "mother." Maureen replaces Mary as a potential love interest as Norman provides her shelter in his motel. They fall in love, despite her knowing his past. The ice machine scene, the bathroom scene, even the showdown in room 12. Again, you really begin to feel sorry for Norman and the cards he was dealt. Not that a serial killing, mentally unwell white man needs it, but mother is really a prison of his own making. The scene of the cop sucking on that bloody ice cube turned by stomach more than my laxative pills ever could. 8/10

6. Psycho IV (1990)

Released again, Norman Bates calls in on a radio show to retell his life as a young boy. Much to everyone's horror, when the show ends he has one last murder to commit to end it all.

I'm conflicted with this movie.

It's not bad...but 90% unnecessary. Aside from the ending where he finally burns down the house where it all started, I kind of didn't like that we got to meet mother. I've watched and loved Bates Motel (2013), so I'm aware that Norman and Norma always have incest - more so on Norman's part than Norma. In Bates Motel, Norma was creeped out but ignored it or tried to gently transition from Norman's weird attachment. In Psych IV, Norma punishes him harshly. She's severely abusive, negligent, and just awful. She blames Norman for everything, including his existence.

While it's interesting to watch his origin story and how he came to be, I kind of liked not really meeting Norma. I liked her being a decayed, fried out corpse in a chair. I liked meeting her only through Norman's unreliable retelling and untreated borderline personality. She was an entity..smoke and mirrors. Now that I've met her...I wanna kiss her.

She's hot.

Why would they make her hot? Plus she was a hypocrite. She would shame and abuse these women for being whores and sluts while she paraded around in no panties with a man she wasn't betroth to. I always pictured her as this uber-anal, only-have-sex-to-reproduce, stiff, old hag. When you build up a character that's existence is reliant on a character's retelling or the audience to fill in the blanks, it's so easy to ruin them by making them flesh and blood.

I want to pretend this movie doesn't exist.

Aside from the disappointment in meeting my hero, I liked the movie. The ending was solid. It's hopeful...and opens the door for more movies for Norman's spawn. 6/10. I really liked the movie. It can't be 100% a stand alone but it'd be a 8/10 if it was. I'd watch it as one and pretend it didn't ruin three other movies for me.

7. Black Christmas (2006)

A murdering sociopath escapes prison and returns to his childhood home. However, he finds out that his house has been converted into a sorority house and begins killing the students living there.

The casting is amazing, for one. They pulled Lacey Chabert fresh off the set of Mean Girls. May Elizabeth Winstead had just wrapped up making history with Final Destination 3 (2006), lugging Crystal Lowe on set with her. Katie Cassidy had just finished getting slaughtered on When A Stranger Calls (2006). We practically grew up with Michelle Trachtenberg. It's like Do Revenge: drag the pop girls and boys from popular shows/movies and you'll have a cast people will be excited to see before even considering the plot.

Because this story sucked.

Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm the problem. This has everything I ever asked for in a 2000's movie. What else could I need? Am I ungrateful?

I have tried countless times to get into this movie. I'll cut the shit, like three times. And every time I have zoned out. I'm burnt out with this movie. It takes too much effort to be fully engaged and I don't know why. I love Sorority Row (2009), which has a similar premise, and Scream 2 with that sorority scene was amazing. I eat it up every time I watch it. Slashers with predominantly women casted is one of my bread and butters. But Black Xmas is just....I don't know. I don't know! I can't get into her. 3/10

8. The Thing (2011)

Kate Lloyed, a paleontologist, is recruited to Antartica by a team of scientists when they discover an alien buried in the ice. However, when the alien escapes, the team fights to figure out who they can trust as the alien could be any one of them, mimicking their dead crew.

This is such a good movie to watch when it's grey, raining, or ice cold. I love Mary Elizabeth Winstead and she is one of my favorite horror girls. Plus I get to see Kristofer Hivju, who I drooled over in Game of Thrones. This creature feature has a good creature reveal that doesn't completely ruin it. If anything, it enhances it. That one scene of the alien merging too people together and then crawling around on all fours was amazing. They don't make it an easy alien movie where you can pinpoint the creature. It can turn itself into one of the crew members, mimicking everything except inorganic materials like teeth. You get this claustrophobic feeling since there's limited places to run. They're stuck in the cold, unforgiving land of Antartica with a town miles away. The ending was a nice addition. I immediately bought the DVD and it is now added to my collection. It would've been better to watch the original John Carpenter movie, but this one popped up on my Netflix header and I immediately clicked on it. 9/10

9. The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)

When her parents go out of town, high school senior Trish decides to throw a slumber party. But things go downhill when an escaped killer wielding a power drill is loose in the neighborhood.

This movie seems derivative of Black Christmas (1974) and also came out the same year as the original The House on Sorority Row. Escaped convicts hacking up young girls were just on trend.

This one is kind of like Black Christmas (2006) for me. No matter how many times I watched it, it's like I never did. This is a rewatch, but not really because I didn't pay much attention the first time. It really brings nothing new for me. A movie doesn't necessarily need to be groundbreaking and fresh plot wise for me to like it, but it sure does need allure...some type of glue that keeps me watching. The Slumber Party Massacre didn't really have that for me. I watched it and immediately forget all that I just finished watching. As I watch these 80's movies, you really realize how nude obsessed this generation was. Pluto in Scorpio, sure, but these movies are just filled with boobs and bush, bush, bush. 5/10

PART TWO COMING SOON!

[whorrorgrl]

What I Watched In May

I have been gone for a long, long long, time. It's mostly because of my job, but also because of my lack of motivation in writing. I have a lot of ideas, but not really much time to write them. I

I watched a lot of things since February, things that I want to have their own individual posts, and others I forgot. Most of them are rewatches. I got HBO and was just playing Friends as white noise maybe 5-6 times (all. ten. damn seasons.). I'm not going to beat myself much about it or it'll feel like a chore, so I'm going slow. I want to upload my ideas soon though.

Anyway, here's what I watched for the month of May.

Lovecraft Country (2020)

After the disappearance of his father, Atticus "Tic" Freeman, his paternal uncle George, and childhood friend Letita "Leti" Lewis travel across segregated United States in the 1950's in search for answers. This trip kickstarts Tic into a world seemingly unreal as they fight against supernatural forces of evil and ones at their very door.

After the recent allegations against Jonathan Mayers, I was hesitant to watch this show. I knew him from that Antman movie, nothing much else. I thought he was a promising actor; decent. It’s disappointing he turned out to be an alleged awful human being. After watching Lovecraft Country, it’s an even bigger tragedy. This show is a whirlwind. Spoilers ahead.

I adore horror in show formatting. I believe it allows a plot to be properly fleshed out. But! That also means more of a dedication. That has to be the only excuse I have for not getting around to this masterpiece sooner. At only ten (10) episodes, Lovecraft Country is worth the binge.

I can easily watch certain movies and shows that others would find too hard to handle. One part I struggle with is suspense. I swear I feel it in the air and my lungs pump thick with it. But I get through it in one piece. Depending on how hard it hit me, I might not rewatch it again. After finishing LC, I think the ease at which I can watch certain movies/shows is accredited to it feeling outside of the realm of my own reality, or at least shit I wouldn't be caught dead doing.

I found it very uncomfortable to watch.

I almost didn't want to finish it.

On top of dealing with sharp teeth blob creatures, our characters have to take on the worst horror of all: racism in the 50's. Evil, pink skinned, sweaty and entitled white people make it their mission to harass and brutalize black bodies for simply existing. Worse, some wielded powers.

Horror movies are notoriously white. Even some of my favorites are all white casts with maybe an Asian or black character that gets killed off. They're usually slashers, demonic possessions, or ghosts walking in and out of frames. I'm used to that. Any underlying issues the characters battle are usually standard. In Evil Dead (2013), the main character dealt with addiction and those around her struggled keeping her focused this go-around at sobriety. In The Witch, Thomason had to assimilate to new life after being casted out by her previous community. In I See You (2019), the couple treads the aftermath of an affair - so on and so forth. The A plot is usually horrifying (messing with a spell that releases a demon, witches bordering on the edge of the forrest, or a bunch of new kids disappearing years after a case is seemingly closed) while the B plot is more grounded. I get that. But when I tell you, monsters and prophecies about magic is the least of Leti (Jurnee Smollet) and Atticus's (Jonathan Mayers) worries, I mean it. I'd prefer it. The worst scene was the very first episode where they're stuck in a sundown town with seven minutes til and have to drive 25 miles the speed limit with only seconds to spare or a shitty cop would murder them. I paused that scene countless times. The riots were another. The diner scene got me good.

Racism is just ugly. As more and more documentation reaches the mass through social media, what really happened during slavery and Jim Crow is more horrifying than the popular teachings of history in schools or dramatization in Hollywood tells. I despise this type of plot and try to avoid it. I don’t watch slave movies. The ones that I have were torture. I liked Django, but mainly because it barely had Jamie Fox suffering and actually showed him being a bad ass. I found out they wanted to do a movie on Emmett Till after the success of Central Park Five’s retelling, which was so alarming. It’s now money driven, these stories. It seems that's the only black stories Hollywood thinks is profitable. Them TV series (2021), Karen (2021), etc, are recent movies that popped up after the success of Jordan Peele debut movie. Get Out (2017) did it well. Its sons? Not so much.

That’s why I liked Little Monsters (2018), Us (2019), or my childhood favorite Haunted Mansion (2001), because they are horror movies with black lead that isn't full on KKK torture porn. Once Jordan Peele did his thing with Get Out, these studios are slowly falling into a box. Even Peele's future works like Nope and Us were speculated on being political pieces. It's only when they were first release did people realize he can create black horror without the traumas of racism. Even in the new Little Mermaid movie with Halle Bailey, there's a discourse about Ariel needing to be a slave to be historically accurate. A mermaid that got her legs from the witchcraft of a squid needs to be historically accurate. Her dad's cape is made of fish! I don't think anything is accurate in any dimension.

(Huffs) Anyway, Lovecraft.

I'd still recommend in a heart beat. So amazing. I cannot give it enough praise. The music choice was a little random and ill-fitting, some of the spoken words were excessive and didn't hit with the scenes they overlaid, and (love Jurnee but) Leti, another of many light skin love interest, was an annoying casting. Ji-Ah's storyline ending was okayish - I expected a little more since it was one of the best plots of the many packed into this show. But other than that, A in my books. I'll have to rewatch it again with my boyfriend, so I hope those painful scenes go down better the second time around. That scene with the two girls following Diana around was horrifuckingfying. It reminded me of Peele's 2022 Nope with the kids in the barnyard. Their eyes, especially in the alley when Dee waited to follow the cops, was chef's kiss. One thing I will also add is Montrose's sexuality not going down the path I thought it would. We're so used to some public, traumatizing rejection of a closeted man's sexuality to his partner and we didn't get that. It didn't end satisfactory for me since we don't know what's next for him and his partner, so it felt a little throw-away. I truly find it ironic that our characters faced racism, hated being treated as below human, yet discriminated against those within the black community that were gay, etc. It wasn't talked about much between "Tic" and Montrose enough for me and kind of seemed glossed over in order to incorporate other storylines.That's a thing with ten episode shows as opposed to 24, but not a big deal.

9/10.

2. I See You (2019)

After the abduction of a 10 year old boy, a detective and his family experience strange occurrences in their home that may or may not be related.

Weird things begin to happen in the family's home that is later explained. I kind of assumed who the abductor/killer was simply based on the small amount of characters we're introduced to, so process of elimination was short. There are three big plot twists in this movie: who the boy-abductor is of course, who killed a certain mister, and why mysterious things seem to happen under Detective Greg's Harper's roof. All were equally as shocking as the last. Some things were weird, like the green pocket knives and why those specifically. Also, why the killer would just...have a bag of them in his car where those closest to him had access to? I liked the way all the stories came together and how they perfectly made sense and answered certain behaviors characters had. For example, Alec's obsession with taunting the family and going against the rules of "phrogging." I thought he was just a jealous, sadistic street rat that hated the life the Harper's son had since the boy seemed to be the main focus. When it all came together, by then it made sense what he was doing, but still an amazing shock. Random but the story telling reminds me of A Place Beyond The Pines (2012). The interludes (that seem unrelated) between stories is a storytelling I'm now realizing I really love.

9/10.

3. The Night House (2023)

The Night House is everything Smile (2023) thought it was. If you've read my previous review on Smile, you know I do not like that movie. If it had been released in the early 00's, I would've felt a little differently, but considering it's an overplayed formula that I already loved, grew accustomed to, and now only nostalgia could draw me to it, Smile just wasn't it for me. The Night House, however, is!

Beth (played by Rebecca Hall) is dealing with the death of her late-husband who recently committed suicide, leaving her alone in her lakeside home. We witness as she reels from the tragedy in ways that leave her friends uncomfortable, concerned, and out of their element on how to console. Certain things begin to happen around the home that makes her believe there is more to her husband's death. She feels there is a presence that could be her husband haunting her and her dreams seem to blur the lines between reality and something dark that parallels. As she does more research, we’re lead to believe that her husband might’ve cheated on her when she finds multiple pictures in his electronics of women who look weirdly similar to her. When I watched the trailer, I assumed there was this mirrored house across the lake in another dimension. A second her, a second husband. Maybe hers really died but that mirrored husband lives on. In the same house. With a double her. It’s what hooked me to it.

She just has such good people around her. Claire (played by Sarah Goldberg), her neighbor Mel, and even her husband all have this woman's best interest in mind and it's really refreshing to see that those around her did what they could to help her. And you might say, her cheating husband had good intensions? Listen, listen!

You see, years ago, Beth had died for four minutes in a car accident. While others claim to see many things, Beth saw nothing. However this nothing is an entire intelligence that wants her back.

Nothing isn't over the four-minute stand he had with Beth, haunting her husband, Owen, into killing her to get her back to Nothing. Owen instead creates a reverse home by the lake, luring Beth look-alikes back to the home to trick Nothing into thinking Beth died.

This confused me a little, because I'm assuming Nothing is a lot smarter than assuming a look-alike is the Beth. Doesn't it have blood sample? A better, soul-based verification? Clearly not. It realized Owen's tricks and that lead to his "suicide." In the end, Beth is almost convinced to take her life until Claire and Mel save her in time. I believe Nothing is a metaphor of “stopping the pain.” It’s the promise of an end to the torment, the depression, the dull and excruciating task of living in misery. I just really loved it and am glad I got recommended it by TikTok.

8/10

4. Scream 6

Y'all, I don't think I can stop loving this franchise.

In an effort to not be seen as a hypocrite since, if I remember correctly, I was pretty tepid with my review on Scream V, BUT! But! This one has rejuvinated the small, itty-bitty hope I had in this franchise. 'Cause that's what she is; my baby's a franchise.

I don't know why I don't like Sydney Prescott. It's not that I hate her, but you gotta admit she's overstayed her welcome. This is why I was happy Ms Never Wanna Die was not in Scream 6. It makes so much sense, this show. It's a repeat, one I hope they don't continue, but Scream 5 is technically just "Scream," just like the first movie from 1996. The boyfriend was the killer in the original, so it's cool that the boyfriend's the killer in Scream (2022). In Scream 2 (1997), the killer's family comes back to blame Sydney Prescott for their piss-poor parenting. So In Scream 6 (2023), it's now a realized pattern that they're intentional by making the killers Richie's dad and siblings - one serial killer is bad enough, but the entire family is fucked. Hopefully in Scream 7, this isn't the same because that'd only mean the off screen Carpenter mother had some random love child with Adolf Hitler and that kid felt left out of the already dysfunctional family of the sisters.

Or it's Tara. But that's wishful thinking.

I loved loved loved loved LOVED it. The opening scene of the Jaime King kin member Samara Weaving dying was fantastic. We get to see a Ghostface reveal in the first few minutes, which is a first of the movies and so refreshing. It made me excited when I assumed we'd know one of the identities and how they'd incorporate that into the story. However, when said Ghostface heads home just to be killed by another, it blew my mind. "Who gives a fuck about the movies?!" Plus that angle? Y'all I was in heaven! I truly do not think I will EVER get tired of these movies and it's really sad. This is my Fast and Furious. This is my James Bond, my Star Wars franchise, my Days of Our Lives, My Greys Anatomy...I hope it never ends and if it does, what would life be? Bleak, I think.

I have to admit there are a few logistical issues. Like, why Kirby didn't do extensive research into Wayne Bailey the second she hopped onto the case for a "helping hand." Matter of fact, how was he even transferred to NY without a background search and the discovery of a link between Richie? Given Kirby's past and how no one in these situations can be trusted, why hadn't she done this? How had Bailey been able to bribe that many criminal evidence from the one police station without anyone finding out? Are there no inventories? Not many big cases seem to happen in that town, so I feel like the top four big cases of Ghostface would've been noticed gone. How did her therapist not know who she was since she's practically infamous, and what was his purpose in the story? I know it's to build up the many cases of defamation against Sammy but it was pretty weak. To be quite honest, a final girl like Kirby should've been handled with better care. I kind of felt like she was there for a legacy token coin and a misdirection that I'll admit got me. Other than that, pretty good.

I think these movies will be better than most being sputtered out today because of the pressure these writers have not to fuck up Wes Craven's work. A good idea would've been all the costumes on Halloween night paying tribute to Craven's many movies, but they are dated so I understand. Would've been cool though.

10/10 shit

5. The Lighthouse

I don't want to be that girl. I already stated how I am when it comes to slow burns, but I tolerate elevated horror. Tara Carpenter is rolling her eyes, but she has a stab wound to heal from so priorities. I clicked on this one and just watched it quickly before I talked myself out of it.

I like it.

I think.

Seeing Willem Dafoe being walked like a dog was an interesting scene.

Seeing a mermaid pussy was also one for the books.

The Lighthouse was directed by Robert Eggers, who we all know from The Witch. He's an amazing director and clearly has a niche for period pieces. I don't know how to properly review this since I still do not know what the fuck I watched - Watch Mojo couldn't even help me. It's based on a Greek mythology and is about wanting something you cannot have. One of the references was Icarus, who died after flying too closely to the sun despite his father's warning. Proteus, a sea god that controlled the changes of oceanic bodies of water was also mentioned. Thomas Wake (played by Willem Dafoe) warned "Ephraim Winslow" of not killing seagulls to avoid bad luck, who were believed to be reincarnated sailers. However, out of frustration of one getting in the cistern, he kills a seagull, and all goes downhill from there. Since the beginning, the demands of being a lighthouse keeper proved to be demanding for Winslow:doing menial, disgusting, or laborious jobs around the rock the lighthouse resided on. What follows is Winslow's slow turn into madness, hysteria, and greed.

The part on sailers being reincarnated into seagulls was so interesting. The one-eyed seagull attacking him multiple times correlates to the previous "wickie" under Wake who had only one eye, the other seemingly singed in. Time going by differently for Winslow when he missed the lighthouse tender because of the storm. In the end, when Wake is murdered by Winslow and Winslow finally gets to ascend to the lighthouse, a growing curiosity of his since Wake never allowed him up there but himself, it reminded me of Icarus. Getting too close to the sun. He is then seen, one eyed, laying on the rocks as seagulls pick at his intestines.

I can dissect some parts of this movie, but that's it. It was an interesting watch. If I rewatch it again, I hope to discover things I missed. Hopefully next time I'll have subtitles.

6. Bodies, Bodies, Bodies! (2023)

Directed by Halina Reijn, this movies follows a group of young adults who get stuck in a remote mansion during a hurricane. When one stumbles up dead, this kick-starts a night of horrors as the group is picked off one by one by a mysterious killer.

This movie is so funny. I knew it would be fun to watch since majority of the scenes were Tiktok sounds, my favorite being the upper middle class one. There's nothing really revolutionary to talk about during the entire movie. Majority of the drama are things that happened off screen since the movie starts when Sophie shows up on the last day of an already existing hangout. It was still good, just a little annoying when they spoke on drama between a random guy name Max and Emma. Everything else was fine and easy to follow along with. This is the friend group where everyone hates each other and probably just tolerates each other just because they grew up together. It's also a really fun and tasteful jab at our generation's internet culture and the obsessive need to find victimhood. I mention victimhood because the ending is so ridiculous and unavoidable that it's crazy. David (played by Pete Davidson) is threatened by the geriatric Greg (played by Lee Pace), a “vet" that is hanging out with a bunch of 20-somethings at his gargantuan age. Greg used a machete to cut open a bottle of champagne, which all the girls fawn over. This annoys David, who is threatened by a new man in the group and it shows. After leaving a game of heated Bodies, Bodies, Bodies between David and Greg, David goes on Tiktok to try and replicate the champagne trick, slicing his neck open in the process. He stumbles up to the house with an open neck, freaking out the girls, and making Greg suspect number one. After the most nauseating misunderstandings happen between Greg and the girls, he is killed by Bee, Sophie's new two-finger warmer, with a kettlebell. These girls went through a night of hell, accidentally killing each other off or turning against one another as preexisting tensions comes to light.

There is no killer.

I was watching this trying to do my process of elimination and coming up empty. I thought, if it's this fucking off-scene dude, Max, I will throw a fit. This cannot be Pretty Little Liar's season finale where they introduce the culprit as someone we never saw. Max was at least mentioned but still.

It was just so ridiculous in a good way. Sophie annoyed me. She didn't stand up to them kicking Bee out or the fight with Bee and Jordan. Plus, she was cheating on sweet Bee. What country is that girl from? Who knows. Aside from being a foreign girl from an unnamed country, she is the outside of the group or long term friends so they quickly turn against each other. Plus Sophie was a romantic two-timer, which raised even more tension for third party Jordan. This movie was so ridiculous that I loved it. I just keep repeating, “He’s a Libra Moon! He wouldn’t do this!”

What I really want to know is what was on that phone of Sophie's?

8/10

7. His House (2020)

Wunmi Mosaku twice in one month? I'm not complaining.

Rial and Bol are refugees who make a harrowing escape from war-torn South Sudan. However, they get more than they bargained for with their new home.

His House is…. a trip. Directed by Remi Reeks, it stars Mosaku and Sope Dirisu who move into a home after seeking asylum in England. They’re on a trial base stay where they’re placed under strict restrictions they have to abide by or else face deportation. Bol is excited to start his new life in England and assimilates quickly to their customs. He opts to eat on a table as opposed to the floor, uses utensils instead of his hands, and buys western clothing. In a later scene, he even tries to stop Rial from speaking dinka, their mother language. He attempts to be friendly with the neighbors, especially this one white woman above him, but is met with hostility. Rial, however, is less willing to assimilate to British culture and keeps her Sudanese customs, much to Bol’s dislike. I first assumed it was because everything seemed trivial after all the couple endured. On their way to England on a small fisher boat, majority of the people they were with died, including their daughter, Nyagak. But on Rial’s first trip to the doctors, she tells a physician that growing up in Sudan, two warring gang would mark themselves distinctively to whichever group they belonged to. Rial marked herself with both, signifying that she belonged nowhere. She’s used to being an outsider, so trying to fit into a country that expects her to be happy with “unseasoned scraps” is not a priority for her. Being “one of the good ones.”

The depiction of racism in this movie is so similar to how I hear it’s handled in England: it night as well not exist.

You know what they mean when they say certain things, do certain things, and treat you a certain way. Unlike the United States, racism in England is so covert that they themselves will deny ever having this problem. It’s kind of like that parent (England) traumatizing their child (United States) and then are shocked when the child goes on to live a more volatile life. Where is the origin of this madness? How did it get this bad? Not a clue.

I read Reni Eddo-Lodge’s book on Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race. The very first paragraph spoke on British’s hidden racist history. They learned about American history with racism, yet not their own, so people will swear up and down it’s not a thing.

But the racial undertones are just that in this movie, undertones. It isn’t on equal grounds as Lovecraft Country when it comes to the most impeding issue Bol and Rial will have to face. An apeth, a night witch, haunts the home, tormenting the couple so that a “debt” is paid.

The horror elements were amazing. I love this new turn in supernatural movies, especially when it comes to hauntings. Lingering shots, horrifying visuals that are so vivid, and those ghosts that sneak up on you out of frame. Is this an elevated horror? If so, it’s what The Babadook was for others but for me. I really don’t like the Babadook, but that was years ago. If I have time to waste, I’ll rewatch it and see how I like it.

Now to the spoilers. The twist was a twist for sure. On my second rewatching, it was a completely different experience because it’s so obvious yet so not what was really happening. This apeth that keeps haunting them calls Bol a thief and he seems to be the primary focus of the entity. Rial tells a story of a man that was poor and wanted a home, just like Bol, who stole from another man that he didn’t know was a night witch. He got his home and the apeth moved in with him, haunting and tormenting the man. I sat to wonder, what did Bol steal? Why isn’t this life his to have? I assumed he was a member of one of the gang that must’ve changed his mind on murdering and wanted to seek refuge. Did he kill someone to get the opportunity?

Girl no.

He stole Nyagak, his “daughter.” After Rial survives a massacre of her friends and Bol goes to find her, they escape with other people seeking refuge. They happen upon a bus that’s only loading people with children. As people fight to be let on, the bus lead refuses single people. As the gang shoots in a distance, Bol sees a child separated from her parent and grabs her, lying to the bus head and giving Rial and Bol a seat to freedom. Nyagak ends up dying on the boat, which starts the chain of a apeth following then to whichever home they get.

It’s funny when they get to the house and Mark greets them. The house is bigger than those afforded to refugees. Rial asks why they got such a big house and Mark states, “Must’ve won the jackpot.”

I really liked this movie and, unlike most elevated horrors, it has a good rewatch quality to it. I��d highly recommend it.

One random realization is that Brits are amazing actors. I realize this when I watched Fish Tank (2009). It’s just so realistic and so natural. One scene where Rial sees three black boys playing. She gets a sense of relief seeing them and goes to ask them for directions. They’re assholes and even tell her to go back to Africa, mocking her mother language and pronunciation. They were just so realistic and so natural. Even the most random actors with small roles are so good, I don’t know. Those acting coaches there are something else.

Lastly, Netflix, I need everything translated. I don’t care how insignificant it is, translate that shit! [Speaking in Dinka] motherfuckers. Tsk!

10/10

8. Swarm (2023)

An obsessed, Houston-base fan goes to increasingly violent lengths for her favorite R&B singer amid a death.

This one is hilarious. Why? Because I am a Beyonce fan. I even have her tatted on me, no joke. With that said, I know the Hive can be an interesting fandom. Does it rival Nicki Minaj's? Closely. Does it Chris Brown's? Crack always prevails, so no.

I do not like Donald Glover, nor his portrayal of black women. When it comes to Dre, a mentally ill black woman, he describes her as he would a rabid dog and directed Dominique Fishback as such. Instead of allowing Swarm to be a depiction - of sorts - of mental illness of a black woman taking form in murderous ways funneled through a shared interest between her and her late sister Marissa, we get this. The links between Beyonce I think was a good touch because it's funny and kinda true. The soul of the movie and its intentions I'll save for another day.

Fishback is amazing and my first time with her. Billie Eilish as Eva was jaw dropping. But best of all, Rickey Thompson as Kenny just trying to do his job was hilarious. I wanted to watch him over and over again and I hope it's a start to an amazing acting career.

The question I have with this show is, did Dre kill Marissa? I believe so. At first, I didn't. Marissa had a history of depression and seemed co-dependent so I'd assumed she killed herself from the breakup. But as I watched more reviewers who pointed out things I hadn't noticed, it seems more plausible.

I don't think Dre's murderous rampage is just because she loves Ni'Jah. The R&B singer was something Dre and Marissa shared together. She was this successful woman that inspired the girls, especially Marissa who wanted to be a popular makeup artist. She had Youtube videos of makeup tutorials and dreamed of being big. When she died, Dre (who might've been the one to take that life) saw Ni'Jah as the potential, the stardom, the fame that Marissa could've had. She essentially saw this woman as a way to still have some remnant of her late sister. Anyone who did not like Ni'Jah Dre viewed as insulting her best friend. They might as well have spat on Marissa’s dead body. The obsession with driving across states to see Ni'Jah, wanting to get close to her and be at that concert no matter what obstacle came in her way showed that. We don’t see this much length be measured when Marissa was alive.

Marissa and the R&B singer were one in the same. This proves true when Dre steals her way on stage with Ni'Jah. Instead of being tackled off, the dancers and Ni'Jah helps her up. Instead of the R&B singer's face, we see Marissa, who embraces her.

The show kept me on my toes every episode. The many casts were also interesting. My favorite death would be Paris Jackson's. I love the tongue-in-cheek jokes that mirror scandals and rumors of the actors, including Beyonce. That fact that Dre is the one to bite Bey was on the nose. The mini documentary that shows that what we're viewing is a dramatization of actors and seeing pictures of the "real" Dre was a nice twist too.

Let's talk about Ms Eilish! Those big, Piscean eyes. This woman is stunning. For her first acting debut, she was a plot twist of the many that were in this show. She came off creepy yet comforting at the same time, the perfect depiction of a cult leader. Truthfully, if that's a cult, I'd join. That's how I know I'd be perfect for these cult recruiters because to this day I don't see the red flags of those white bitches. Of course, they leverage your deepest secrets above your head to keep you in but honestly it's all namaste and ashwagandha mellows from there. Hiking, sisterhood, meditations? I hope I don't sound stupid...

Apparently there'll be a season two. I'm not the best in figuring out if a show needs one, but I don't think this one does. There are a lot of unanswered questions but I think for an ending like the one we were given....dead it. It's an open-ended answer and the speculation of what is real and what isn't is fun and elevates it. If it comes out I'll still watch it, but I hope that's it.

10/10

9. Level 16 (2018)

Girls in a prison-like boarding school embark on a desperate search to uncover the awful truth behind their captivity.

This is literally The Promised Neverland. It really isn't far off from what I hear is being done for people to retain youth. Especially for those who can afford it. If anyone knows that one Ellen interview with Sandra Bullock, I don't even think that's the tip of the iceberg.

This one was all over my Tiktok feed, plus Stephanie Soo made a video on it so I knew what it was about and knew the big reveal. I still liked the movie, so I don't think it ruined it for me. But I do know my experience would've been a lot different hadn't I known. It's so hard avoiding spoilers. Even harder when you don't realize it's a spoiler you'll want to avoid in the future.

I know Katie Douglas from Ginny and Georgia and a few clips of The Girl Who Escaped (2021). Sara Canning is Jenna from The Vampire Diaries, so it was nice seeing that she's still employed. Love her.

Like The Promised Neverland, the children of this "boarding school" endure sixteen years of indoctrination in an attempt to be the perfect child in hopes of being adopted. They have never been outside and have only been within the walls of the school. The girls don't know certain things like "movies," calling them "moving pictures." They're unaware of how to read and I assume write. Every day is a schedule that doesn't falter. If there are any interruptions, the fear of being sent to the basement for punishment and being seen as "unclean" keeps them in line. There are also guards. Unclean girls are ostracized and treated as infections that might spread to the others. Vivian hides that secret of being "unclean" years ago after an incident on level 10, but it isn't a pressing issue in the story.

This is a good plot. It was weirdly paced, but still good. Maybe it has to do with me knowing the stakes, but I felt like it wasn't better shown? I just couldn't take this joke of a school seriously. It seemed like they only had two guards and the rooms were poorly ran. If the girls knew any better they'd easily overpower them or just break through the thin, rotting walls.

Certain things didn't make sense. Vivian was punished on level 10 trying to help Sophia. Years pass when the girls meet each other on level 16 once again, their final year. Vivian is now a obedient girl that treads the line and avoid getting involved with anything that would jeopardize adoption. With that said, why would she not take the medication when Sophia told her? Sophia gave no explanation. From the point of view of Vivian, Sophia is the reason why she went through something so traumatic in the basement that still haunts her six years later. So why just automatically believe her with no reason to and the potential of defying these "caretakers" that once punished her for something similar?

I'm nitpicking.

I just like this specific plot and had my jaws to the floor when The Promised Neverland first released it. Who would've thought an orphanage would turn out to be a farm for harvesting children...Definitely doesn't happen in the real world that's for sure! (sarcasm)

An amazing plot. It had one horrific scene which is horror enough for me, so I added it to this month's reviews.

7/10

10. The Babysitter: Killer Queen

Two years after defeating a satanic cult lead by his babysitter, Cole once again has to outsmart the forces if evil when old enemies unexpectedly return.

Starring Judah Lewis once again as Cole, he is now a junior in high school still being bullied. The fact that all the events of the first 2017 movie was cleaned up results in no one believing Cole who is mocked for being “crazy.” His parents think he’s nuts, even his best friend Melanie (reprised by Emily Alyn Lind) who’d helped him that night of outrunning his satanic babysitter, didn’t really see much to help his case. Even her new boneheaded boyfriend picks on Cole.

This one was also on my lift for a long time. I really liked the first movie, but had forgotten it, so I rewatched it before watching this new sequel (new to me anyway), so I guess you can add that to the list of what I watched this May. Killer Queen is so fun. I watched it two more times after because it’s a light movie, which is surprising given the premise. Black comedy horror are usually good and this is no exception. I might make a list honoring them. The comedic timing, the visual effects, the casting, and, the best of all, Jenna mother fucking Ortega.

I didn’t really like this role much for her for some reason. The character is great and all, but something was just off. Not sure. It doesn’t ruin my rating of this movie but I just wanted to put that out there.

Now to the spoilers. Melanie is the new blond goddess with her name in the devil’s book. I did not see that shit coming. They corner Cole on a boat after taking him on a trip to “relax” after he finds out his parents are fed up with their crazy son and are planning to ship him off to a psychiatric hospital. The new group of teens are Melanie, her boyfriend, Jimmy, Diego, and Boom-Boom are all playing a game when Diego tastelessly ask Cole about his killer babysitter. Melanie instigates, but Diego presses. Melanie slips up a detail of the night that Cole never mentioned to her and she is figured out when Cole doesn’t budge on never having had mentioned that information. Melanie slits Boom-Boom’s throat. The sacrificed. Cole is once again face to face with the same cult that wanted to use his blood for power, fame, and glory. Funnily enough tonight is the night the old friend group of his dead babysitter, Bee, comes back. They are still on the pursuit to use Cole’s blood to get their wildest dreams. Phoebe, Jenna Ortega’s character that’s on her own side quest that independently seems to be related to Cole’s, opens the door to the scene. Her jet ski ran out of gas and she’d stopped on the anchored boat for help but quickly leaves once it’s obvious this is no ordinary party.

I don’t mean to victim blame here, but all of this could’ve been avoided if Cole just got drugged. Actually, I do mean to victim blame. It would be less traumatizing, wouldn’t it?

In the first movie, Bee laced a shot glass of alcohol she was going to give to young Cole but he was afraid of the taste and downed it in the plant when Bee wasn’t looking. From what I got, they were going to leave the boy alive. In Killer Queen, that seemed to be the same case. But that didn’t happen, so Melanie had to quickly improvise. Her deal with the devil was more important than her friendship with Cole, who she teases his feelings for her on many occasions.

I’m not saying just let them use you for a satanic ritual, but if you end up alive… I don’t know. Seems better than running around trying to outrun two groups of killers out for blood.

This movie is just hilarious. My three favorite characters are Robbie Amell, jock head of Bee’s friend group, and Ken Marino, who plays Cole’s father. Marino I know from iZombie and he is hilarious on that too. Everything Amell says is just so perfectly timed and he’s not so bad to look at. I liked him in Duff and that one Scooby live action in 2009. He’s also in a show called Upload I’m excited to start - the clips looked amazing on Tiktok. Samara Weaving is an iconic given, and I’m happy that she and Ortega have worked together in Scream 6.

I recommend both movies strongly. The plot is so good and the actors are perfectly casted. The ending is nice too. I’m just really glad his parents will finally realize he’s telling the truth. Misunderstandings and gaslighting a protagonist is the worst. If they make a third movie, I wouldn’t mind at all. I hope Netflix does since they love to run things into the mud, but we’ll see.

10/10.

Next month I plan on watching the new Evil Dead Rise. I'm just waiting on my boyfriend, so it'll take a while. He also hasn't watched any Jordan Peele movies, which is crazy but perfect for me because I get to rewatch them all over again. I'm mostly excited for Get Out. Thank you for those who read my reviews. I hope I inspired a movie night or two, a binge watch or five.

[whorrorgrl]

Can Horror Ever Be Truly Dark

Yes. I know plenty (not enough) that are, but the latter always seem to outweigh them

The only reason I even asked this question is because of the very few movies and show I watched that ruined their work simply because they were too afraid of giving into the shadows of evil. Instead, they’ll set up camp on the outskirts. Many movies need this darkness in order for it to have an impactful effect on its audience, or simply because it makes the most sense to the storyline. Sadly, they will resort to a lackluster ending that the audience will disregard in a few months, hell forbid before they even leave the theatre.

I want to analyze two very different yet similar movies that have to do with satanic witchcraft and how they portray it. 

I’ve recently become obsessed with minimalism to declutter my space. So, a few months ago, I got rid of 50% of my possessions until my room felt bare. My clothes would take some time to sort through, my collection of DVD’s even longer. In order to declutter my movies, I would have to sit and watch them all to see if they tickled my clit enough to keep, or whatever Marie Condo says. So I decided to start with Gretel and Hansel and The Witch.

I picked them because they were slow burns and I wanted to get them out the way. They just happen to both share a similar theme. I adore some slow burns and I understand the importance and beauty of them, but they aren’t my first pick when it comes to a Friday night. I usually like fast, bloody, “schlocky” horrors. Young adults going on road trips to get picked off, cannibalistic families, annoying Americans not heeding the warnings of locals as they climb some mountain, descend into some cave, trek through a rainforest - only to never be seen again. I’ve only watched a handful of slow burns, and while I liked them, I never watched them again. One of these will be no different.

Let’s start with Gretel and Hansel.

This 2020 release was directed by Oz Perkins, who I know from Legally Blonde and Psycho II. He also directed another slow burn I never got around to watching but heard was cinematically beautiful, I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives In The House. Small world. Gretel and Hansel shares Perkin’s pictorial eye. The movie follows Gretel and her younger brother Hansel who are sent out to find work by their mother. Gretel turns down a housekeeping job offered by a creep, however their mother threatens to kill her children if they come back without a job. She can no longer support them and is desperate to rid herself of them. So the siblings flee. They’re helped by a huntsman for one night before being sent on their way in the winding woods where we learn that Gretel can see more than meets the eye. She has these supernatural abilities. What they are? No clue, but she makes it a thing to not tell anyone.

Lost in the woods, the children are lured to a home when Hansel smells cake. It’s one of those Norwegian homes painted black with wide, big windows the kids peek through to witness an untouched feast. Honeyed pig, fresh loaves, caramelized pies, and every delicious meal a kid could want spread out on the table untouched. Of course the starving kids would sneak in to take a bite. They're caught by an elderly woman, Holda, who houses the children despite Gretel’s suspicions of the stranger’s convenient hospitality.

I really loved the retelling of an old story such as Hansel and Gretel. Previous movies have put their twists on it such as 2013′s action fantasy Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters, where after escaping an encounter with a witch, the siblings dedicate their lives to hunting them down . In Oz Perkins’s, the witch tries to convert Gretel, sensing her supernatural abilities. It appealed to the growing trend of more than half a decade where we are now living in a time that the label “witch” can not only be reclaimed but proclaimed. It no longer had to be a dirty secret and people could finally get into the taboo of witchcraft like they always wanted to. Take 1998′s Practical Magic. For generations, the Owens family were been ostracized and made a spectacle of in their small town. It wasn’t until Sally, in desperately needing the town’s help to exorcise her sister Gillian, did the very people that feared the sisters express secret fascination for the Owens family. There is a covert curiosity to the oddities of society. People love the occult. So why not give it to them?

There’s this invasion of Christian morals that annoys me when it pertains to how deep screenwriters and their directors are willing to go when it comes to evil. I could tell that with Gretel and Hansel. 

Spoiler alert (not really), the witch eats kids. Even bigger spoiler alert (not really), Honda is fattening up Hansel to make him into food. She’s done this with plenty of children, starting with her very own, and her property is haunted by the trapped, adolescent souls. She lures them in with sweets and savories, rips them limb from limb, then performs a spell that turns their parts into delicious sweets and savories to then lure more kids like Hansel. Lastly, Honda isn’t an old hag. Quite the opposite. She’s young and youthful, but disguises herself as an old woman since they’re more trusting (even though she was the most unsettling old women I ever saw). She sees Gretel’s potential, expecting Gretel to eat her brother as Honda did her own child so that Gretel won’t have any distractions should she start her practice. In a forceful attempt to make Gretel eat her brother, the witch is killed and Gretel saves Hansel before it’s too late. Now a witch, she sends her brother off to work as a woodsman as she stays behind in the home of the now dead witch. Her hands begin to turn black, like Honda’s, as she narrates about keeping the evil that’s within her at bay.

Whatever.

I never understand why witches can’t just embrace the darkness of their nature, especially in this universe. Honda is a servant of Satan and is the root of her powers. He doesn’t make a guest appearance or anything, but she carves the markings into her tree, which Hansel recognized and finally realized that his sister was right in being skeptical of Honda. This movie had the opportunity of being perspectively vile, yet missed it entirely. Gretel wants to fight her evil nature that threatens to take over. But I’ll do you one better, girl, why not give into it? Why turn your back on a master that sourced the very power you wish to seek agency? We have so many movies where the protagonist avoids their destiny or their true nature when it would be more memorable and frankly more interesting if Gretel had completely immersed herself in the delicious power that her new-found destiny would promise. Instead, she’s the Captain America of witches. Boring.

In Anton LaVey’s controversial book, The Satanic Bible, there’s a part in his chapter Some Evidence of a New Satanic Age where he says: “White witchcraft groups say that if you curse a person, it will return to you three-fold, come home to roost, or in some way boomerang back to the sender. This is yet another indication of the guilt-ridden philosophy, which is held by these Neo-Pagan, pseudo-Christian groups. White witches want to delve into witchcraft, but cannot divorce themselves from the stigma attached to it. Therefore, they call themselves white magicians, and base seventy five per cent of their philosophy on the trite and hackneyed tenet of Christianity. Anyone who pretends to be interested in magic or the occult for reasons other than gaining personal power is the worst kind of hypocrite. The Satanist [...] can only feel contempt for people who attempt to appear emancipated from guilt by joining a witchcraft group, then practice the same basic philosophy as Christianity.”

Witchcraft in this universe is a purely selfish thing to partake it. It is a means to an end for Honda, and that’s fine. Witchcraft can be holistic and connected to the “white” of nature. But, baby, this is Satan, who in this universe is a real life being these witches owe their gratitude to. There is no doubt Honda benefits by staying youthful and many other off screen benefits. If you don’t want to be a witch, get the fuck out of that lady’s house! Don’t use a power gifted to you while disrespecting Satan who provided it in the very first place. Why are you trying to reform this when you can simply go with your brother and take a different path?

Many movies who think they’re so dark and edgy for dabbling in things like this are so annoying because these tendrils of Christian guilt in even making something so “blasphemous” forces them to balance it out with some type of “good,”even if the story suffers for it. Like, you’re already getting the heat for putting Gretel in front of Hansel in the title by male incels who think this is the uprooting of their social capita ( and not their swamp ass being molded to their beds), so you might as well go all in. 

I’m not saying a good protagonist fighting their fate of being “bad” isn’t good. It’s just so overplayed and just didn’t fit into this particular story, for me. Witchcraft is using nature, both “good” and “bad”, and I hate to see the rejection of the BAD. Besides, you can’t show me baby limbs being turned into peach cobblers and honey glazed pork and think I don’t want to to go all the way.

So when I popped 2015′s The Witch into the DVD, I expected the same. 

Robert Egger’s folklore horror is placed in 1630′s New England. William, his wife Katherine, daughter Thomasin, son Caleb,  twins Mercy and Jonas and baby Samuel are banished from their Puritan colony over religious differences. They pack up and relocate to the edge of a large secluded forest where the family begins to build a farm in their attempt to live on their own. It’s important to note they have a billy goat they call Black Phillip.

One day while playing peakaboo with Samuel, the baby goes missing when Thomasin opens her eyes, resulting in the family blaming Thomasin for the disappearance. This puts a lot of tension between Thomasin, who is the oldest of the children, and Katherine. Katherine even accuses Thomasin of silver cups disappearing, not knowing that William had actually sold them to gather enough food since he’s a shit farmer and cannot actually provide for his family. Through pride, he left a colony that is probably the only way of his family surviving This man can’t even hunt properly. With the cups gone and no one for resource, the family ponders sending Thomasin away to serve another family. The kids overhear this, so Caleb (who sometimes looks at his sister in a not so sibling way) decides to try to hunt, dragging Thomasin along who is afraid of leaving him alone.

In the woods, she loses him, and he is caught by a witch who clings onto his face and kisses him much to Caleb’s horror. Thomasin returns home without Caleb to an awaiting Katherine who blames her eldest child for losing another. Later on that night, Caleb is found naked and delirious outside of their home. He falls into a coma and is strangely ill. However the next day he wakes up, vomits a half eaten apple, professes his devotion to Christ, then dies. The twins accuse Thomasin of witchcraft. The family, who have been going through grief over Samuel, the disappointment of the farm, and overall stress from not being apart of their colony anymore take all their frustrations out on Thomasin who denies all accusations thrown at her to no avail. Even William assumes his daughter to be a witch. 

Pushed in a corner, Thomasin accuses the family’s billy goat of being Satan and that the twins talk to it. Williams, not knowing who to believe, throws them into the goat shed to wait until morning. During the night, a witch enters the goat house, murder the twins, drink the blood of the nanny goat, and smear blood on Thomasin’s hands. The next morning when William awakes, he sees this, fully believing Thomasin is the witch. Suddenly, before he can do anything, the billy goat rams William to death. An enraged Katherine comes out to the scene of all her family, except Thomasin, dead. She accuses Thomasin of being a witch, of seducing her brother, the works. They begin to fight and Thomasin kills her mother in self defense.  

Now alone, she enters into the stable where the billy goat waits and urges it to speak to her. It does, in human tongue, and has her sign her name in a book, no doubt selling her soul. She then enters the forest with the goat, joining a Witches’ Sabbath for her newfound sense of belonging. 

Phew.

This movie, while subtle, sated my hunger for all things dark. Granted, I had to wait for the final few minutes of the show to see the darkness that was there all along, but still very satisfying and true to nature. There’s no repression, only indulgence. The movie knows the horrors of witches and doesn’t shy away from the ugliness of it, nor does it create a protagonist that tries to fight it. She accepts it completely. 

However, even that acceptance of her fate isn’t this crescendo that Gretel and Hansel could’ve given. In Gretel, witchcraft is an answer to all her problems. She lives in a society where she has no control. Her mother forces her into the big world that preys on her youth, is almost murdered by some madman, and cannot go back home because her mom will murder her too. This life of abundance is promised to her by Honda who is willing to train her. Only catch is she’ll have to rid her brother out of her path and kill a few kids every once in a while. This path is one she accepts...with a few alterations. Of course I don’t like the repressive path she wants to walk where she fights the evil that literally comes with the territory, but staying behind to hone her powers now gives her agency and self-sufficiency in a society she had none of before she went on that property. 

The ending of The Witch is not a crescendo because it’s truly dark in all the best ways. You watch as Thomasin, who was used as the scapegoat to all her family’s problems, is accused of everything that could go wrong. You think, typical Christian family. The oldest daughter is burdened by all the responsibilities the parents should shoulder! You tilt your head up at those Puritanical losers and see this new coven of witches as her true family. Happy ending.

But is it?

Are these witches truly her family?

This “family” framed her multiple times to cast doubt in her parents and siblings, weakened her family’s faith, and left Thomasin with no other option (no other sense of community) than a bunch of smelly, girating femmes (that probably got trapped the same way) to worship this man in the woods.

Such a Christian thing to do.

While religions surrounding the Abrahamic god relies on fear-mongering, I always liked the idea of satan giving you a choice. Live on one’s own accord, live finitely, and live deliciously. Give into human nature and all its desires instead of choosing humility. While many religions view this life as a transitionary plane onto an unknowing one, they’re restricted on enjoying the fruits of life. Who we are as humans is nothing to be ashamed of, and restricting it will only cause it to pour over. That description alone would have anyone considering it. 

If so, wouldn’t knocking on William’s door like some Jehovah’s Witness and preaching the good word of Satan to Thomasin be better? This would allow Thomasin to choose the life she wants by weighing her options. Instead, it was taken from her and she was manipulated.

The family moving away from their colony already creates a weakness in their faith. Katherine even claims that the family is cursed and even questions her belief in god. 

But she’s not wrong.

The family isn’t cursed but more so targeted. They set up shop on the edge of a forest, one with a life of its own. They’re literally on the edge of their own demise.

Tie this in with a missing baby (on Thomasin’s watch), missing silver cups (Thomasin’s fault, apparently), Caleb’s attraction to Thomasin, his disappearance and spooky reappearance (Thomasin’s fault), then the twins going missing in the goat shed (damnit, Thomasin!), this family was bound to ostracize their eldest. They practically handed her to satan.

They took the only family Thomasin knew, orchestrating everything in order to syncretize Thomasin into selling her soul. When she’s alone, the blood of her siblings and freshly killed mother on her hands, satan beacons her. All of her family’s dead. She has no one. So he asks her, would you like to live deliciously? Sign your name in this book and you will have a family once more. You won’t be alone.

Of course she’d sign. No matter how weakened her faith is, you don’t jump from believing in god to now signing your life away to satan in a day. It would be more so a pipeline. She signed out of desperation and cloudiness from the madness of the last 24 hours of her life. If she were of sound mind and body, would she have signed?

You could also argue that with how misogynistic Christianity and the expectations and responsibilities eldest daughters have, the family would’ve driven Thomasin into the clutches of the witches regardless. Thomasin would’ve broken and chosen the very life we see her be weakened into. That’s also true. Smearing her hands with blood and kidnapping her siblings sped up the process I guess. Another argument rattling around my brain is Egger’s background and if this predatory interpretation of satanism is also influenced by Christianity. 

To give the benefit of the doubt, maybe this new coven of witches will be the best family she’ll ever get where she can freely be herself with no responsibility of anyone else’s but her own. If she had somehow walked back, bloody, to the colony and begged to be accepted, despite her father’s sins, would she have wanted that faith? Or has her faith been so weakened and her be so religiously traumatized that she’s outgrown it completely? 

In the end, she laughs maniacally, almost as if releasing the pain of her past life. But I sat quietly. Being manipulated into selling her soul the way that she was makes you stare at the rolling credit in discomfort. 

And that’s all that I wanted. That discomfort.  

[whorrorgrl]

My Beef with Parker Finn's 2022 Film, Smile.

My gripe with Smile (2022) is not because I'm a hater. I mean...I am on most things as I'm sure we all are. I briefly reviewed this movie in my monthly watches and didn't have anything good to say but said it anyway. I had an idea as to why this movie annoyed me but couldn't put it into words then. Weeks later, in a longer format, I can finally properly explain why this movie irks me.

It simply was a missed opportunity.

After witnessing a bizarre, traumatic incident involving a patient, Dr. Rose Cotter starts experiencing frightening occurrences that she can't explain, nor prove. As an overwhelming terror begins taking over her life, Rose must confront her troubling past in order to survive and escape her horrifying present.

Let's start on a good note.

I love the visuals for Smile. The eery smirk combined with the tilt of the head that casts shadows on piercing eyes. It was enough to be the movie's entire marketing. What was the plot? No clue. We just knew there were creepy people posted up around cities, baseball games, and abandoned roads staring ominously into cameras. It even drew my attention, who usually miss movie advertisements in this day and age of streaming. That's the only thing I like about the movie. The actual smile.

Smile tried too hard to be something it was not. It took itself too seriously. The visuals are unforgettable, fresh, and reminiscent of the Joker, whose image is iconic on its own. But this same visual is playful. It reminds me of movies like Fantasy Island (2020), Truth or Dare (2018), Countdown (2019), Happy Death Day (2017), etc. They all have visuals and plot that aren't taken too seriously, or if serious, is still a fun, self-aware watch. Blumhouse, not A24. Cronenberg, not Carpenter. I tie it back to the obsession movies have today with being "elevated."

Take Get Out, for instance.

I consider Get Out elevated horror. However I'm not using Get Out to prove a point about the term. I'm using it in the sense of Jordan Peele starting a new trend in storytelling.

The 2017 film stars Daniel Kaluuya and Allison Williams as an interracial couple going to see the 'rents. Chris, black, is nervous about how Rose's white parents will receive him -- he allegedly is the first black partner she's been with. She reassures him it'll be fine, so off they go to unpredictable horrors. This movie, like many before, intertwined racism with modern horror plot lines. Similar to movies like You're Next (2011) and The Strangers (2008). Only racial. We see this in 1992's Candyman, so racism interwoven into horror didn't start with Peele, sure, but more so revived.

I say revive because we begin to see series like Lovecraft Country (2020), Them (2021); movies like Karen (2021), The Invitation (2022) get greenlit that feature racism backdropped. Many wanted to profit off of Peele's paved path and a movie such as his having huge box office success made a lot of similar works be trusted to be released. A lot of these works copied Peele's signature directing, down to the sound effects and how their actors were managed. Others were decent enough and I was here for the storyline...even if it was becoming a boxed in trope. Diet slave movies.

With elevated horror, Hereditary, Midsommar, the Witch, It Follows, etc. were hits after hits. It started to grow the pretentious sectors of horror fans that didn't want to go near a slasher or poltergeist ridden movie unless it linked back to some multilayered psycho analysis of some textbook chapter of sociology/psychology. We've kind of already seen that with The Shining (1980) and how its talked about then and decades after. Everything had to be deep, doubled up on meaning with slow, lingering shots to match. I adore many of these, don't get me wrong. It's just a new era of horror like any wave.

But Smile trying to ride that wave annoyed me.

How many more movies about grief-horny demons can we have? Actually, I don't even think that's my issue. I can watch ten in a row and love them all. But at least know what you're making. It's why Riverdale is a corny, funny mess...and Thirteen Reasons Why, who took itself too seriously, is an unwatchable corny, annoying mess. With visuals like that, do you really think making a movie about a woman facing her grief of a lost loved one is what I want to see? I want to see playfulness. A group of friends thinking the other's just killing themselves off when really the victims are witnessing the entity. A survive the night. Something Evil Dead (2013) meets Drag Me to Hell (2009).

Smile taking itself too seriously, as if they're tackling the topic of grief in a new fresh way, feels like if House of Wax (2005) tried to be Hereditary (2018); just a silly family dispute. What if Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) tried to be Raw (2016); family members going on a unique diet? Even if Smile didn't want to handle grief differently like Antichrist (2009), Hereditary (2018), Midsommar (2019), The Witch (2015), The Babadook (2014), The Descent (2005), Pet Sematary (1989 & 2019), The Final Girls (2015), The Uninvited (2009), or its better twin The Night House (2020), then why exist? A cash grab then? If so, now we fall under morals. Did you try to depict grief in a different scope terribly or cash in on the growing focus on mental illness? Which is it? 'Cause I got you in a rock and a hard place.

A win we deserved for such a year as 2022 was Smile just being schlocky with some fun jumpscares and a good enough director to drudge it out of the murky forgettable waters of fad-filled, cheap movies like the ones of Countdown, Truth or Dare, or even Fantasy Island. No offense. The Boogeyman (2023) is a perfect example. The title is explanation enough but with a solid director such as Rob Savage, this movie, also about grief, didn't feel repetitive and is actually able to be on someone's favorites list. It was a solid watch and pretty good. I assumed the childish villain’s retelling would set a silly tone for the movie but it held its own and executed a plot we can take seriously. Seeing people deeply analyze Smile like a art critic would a painting (what it means, what it signifies, the undertones, bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh) kills me. It's 3D painting of a pool on a sidewalk.

The Night House is truly what I believe Smile was aiming for and has earned the respect that Smile thought it would get. I'm really so saddened by a disappointing plot surrounded by one of the best horror visuals I have ever seen. Let's all bow our heads and mourn.

[whorrorgrl]

Good for Her?

I love a good Good For Her movie. The Other Woman is one of my favorites. Gone Girl, Kill Bill, Midsommar (even though I’m now realizing that’s a white supremacist cult), Gerald’s Game, and even Ready or Not are ones I really enjoy. When it comes to horror, I have a few. These are not only about the justice the women deserve after being wronged, but it makes you deeply think if the ending is really a satisfying one. 

Trigger Warning: SA or implied SA.

GOTHIKA (2003)

Starring the iconic and beautiful Halle Berry, this 2003 film ages so beautifully. It follows a psychiatrist Miranda Grey who clocks out one night at the mental institution she works at only to wake up in psychiatric hold, her husband brutally murdered, and she the main suspect. Only, she remembers nothing of the night she supposedly killed her perfect husband and cannot even think of why she would ever do that to the man she loved. But no one believes her. She begins to suspect a vengeful spirit that haunts and torments her is connected to it all.

I’ve watched this movie multiple times and there is always something new you discover that you didn’t before.  Miranda is a very unreliable character, so what she remembers and knows is all we can really go off of...which isn’t much. Throughout the movie, she’s gaslighted by doctors and nurses she once called friends and tormented by a mysterious spirit with no real answers. But the more she digs into who would’ve wanted her husband dead, the wilder the story gets. This movie shows how psychiatric patients are viewed on both sides of the table and it’s really heartbreaking, especially with the context of sexual assault.

My favorite aspect of the movie was how Miranda’s relationship developed with Penèlope Cruz’s character Chloe Sava. As Sava’s psychiatrist, Miranda wasn’t fully able to understand the weight of the words Chloe meant and had casted her off as crazy.  But after her husband is murdered and she’s thrown into the same facility as Chloe where these women are being abused, she finally sees. She is now no different that Chloe, both women screaming for their own truths to be heard by those who won’t listen...not in the way that they should anyway. Overrall, the supernatural aspect of the move made it ten times better. It would’ve been amazing without it but it’s like the final spice in the pot to make the whole meal come together. 

SUCKER PUNCH (2011)

Suckerpunch is a gem. It’s not so hidden. It’s talked about from time to time so people know about this amazing movie. But I’m still not satisfied with the level of praise I think it deserves. I personally believe it should have the very same cult following Jennifer Body rightfully gets. Like JB, Suckerpunch was promoted to boys as a sexy action movie instead of what it truly is, a psycological/fantasy dealing with trauma. There’s some actiom of course, but Psycological. Fantasy. Not much horror but I still want to add it to the list.

Directed by Zack Snyder, it follows Baby Doll (played by Emily Browning) who is sent away to a mental asylum after her step father murdered her mother and sister and planted the crimes on a traumatized Baby Doll (there’s a pattern here, yall!). To make sure that the cops don’t question Baby Doll during the investigation, her step father pays off a grimey orderly Blue Jones (played by the sexy Oscar Issac) to forge the asylum’s psychiatrist’s signature to approve of a lobotomy. This inhumane procedure will be performed in 7 days, so that is the amount of time Baby Doll has to convince the other girls she meets at the asylum to help her escape, including perky Rocket and her reluctant sister Sweet Pea. In order to cope with the sexual abuse the girls go through in the asylum, Baby Doll builds a fantasy world where the asylum is instead a brothel and in order to get the tools she needs (a knife, fire, map, a key, and a sacrifice) has to distract whoever hold each tool. Where the doctor comes in seven days to lobotomize Baby Doll, in the fantasy world of the brothel it’s a high rolling John who’ll do some “cherry picking” on the newly orphaned, virgin Baby Doll.

This distraction of the brothel Johns and the workers lunges us into another fantasy world that mirrors the task at hand. In one, Sweet Pea has to copy the map in the office of the head of the brothel who parallels Blue in the asylum. Baby Doll dances to distract Brothel Blue who left his office. As she dances, the second world opens up. We are now behind enemy lines of World War I. Bombs detonate and magazines of bullets are released on each side of the battle as zombified men fight. Babydoll and her new friends are tasked to get behind enemy lines and retrieve a map. Whether or not they complete this mission reflects if Sweet Pea got the map from Brothel Blue’s office which definitely reflects if the map is also acquired in the asylum. My very guess is that this “dancing” she does is “sexual favors” in the asylum, the distraction needed to get the tools.

The action alone is amazing, so I see why they relied on it being the biggest thing the advertised, but it really did this movie a disservice. The story has layers so it won’t be seen on the first watch. It took me many watches to understand the complexities of the world within worlds, why they exist, and what certain things meant in parallel to each world. While I once watched it for the fun action, it became more sad, more soul-sinking. Even the ending I had to understand it was for the best of the character, despite it not being what we all expected it to. But it’s so beautifully sad, this bittersweet feeling. I might make an entire post talking the ending of it. One of my favorite movies.

SHUTTER (2012) (2003)

Shutter is very similar to Gothika. If it weren’t already a Thai remake of the same name, I would’ve assumed it was derivative of it. But it stands perfectly on its own. 

Shutter follows newly wed couple Jane and Ben, played by Rachael Taylor and Joshua Jackson, who relocate to Japan shortly after their wedding. Ben is a photographer at the school and had already worked at the school previously, so he has American friends there, Adam and Bruno. While driving, similar to Gothika, the couple a girl that walked out into the road. But when the frightened couple gets out to help the victim, she’s nowhere to be found. Over the following few days, Jane is haunted by a mysterious spirit that relentless harasses her to no end. The only way to see this spirit is to take pictures from a polaroid. This spirit has also shown up in her wedding pictures back in the states and now appears in every photo as a smudge that seemed like a printing defect. But Jane learns that these spirits show up in photos when there is an intense emotion attached to it, and the reason why is grim. 

I don’t remember how I discovered the movie but I’m glad I did. It seems like the typical movie like The Ring or Drag Me To Hell where an entity haunts the main character, there’s some research done in a library or a boxy computer, and then the evil is defeated through help. However, Shutter adds the same layer I love to all these movies where nothing is how it seems. This entity isn’t just some bored spirit that wants to pick on a newly wed couples. There is a reason.

Like Gothika, I loved the supernatural addition. It don’t hurt nobody to add in a demon, a vengeful spirit, or some gremlin running around an apartment building luring your kids to impending doom. Anything out of this dimensional world gets a gold star for me. Even in serious topics that’s more than just a family moving into a haunted home. Shutter does it perfectly. But like Suckerpunch, the ending is pretty sad. It still gives that Good For Her message, but…..is it really? I don’t want to spoil much of the ending, but is that really the afterlife we would want for Megume? Attached to a person that doesn’t deserve her time instead of moving on? 

 You can tell this movie came at a time where the cut and dry Evil Has Been Defeated movies they vomited out in the 2000’s were getting predictable and directors wanted to switch it up. I’m never big on adapting foreign films, especially when the Thai one was just as good, but I’m a little biased here since the 2012 version is the one I first saw. The 2004 Thai version is amazing and should be watched along with the 2012 remake. 

[whorrorgrl]

Legally Blond is Perfect

Legally Blond is cinematic perfection.

If I sit down and list off movies that I think are all-round perfect, it would be pretty short. Like, 2-3. No matter how many movies I highly rate, there’s always somethin I either thought wasn’t fleshed out enough or shouldn’t have been there in the first place. It’s so hard for a movie to be perfect for me. I’m not picky. I don’t do it on purpose. But 🤷‍♀️. 

Legally Blond, however, checks all my boxes.

Starring Reese Witherspoon, Luke Wilson, Mathew Davis, and Jennifer Coolidge, this 2003 comedy follows Elle Woods, a fashion major, who transfers to Harvard Law following a recent break-up. The more and more I watch this movie, the deeper I fall in love with it. It’s so perfectly done, so perfectly filmed, perfectly casted, perfectly everything.

I am going to do what I do best: completely break apart this movie into bits and tiny little pieces.

Astrology?

I’m pretty into Astrology, so rewatching it and hearing that Elle and Bruiser, her tiny dog, are both Gemini vegetarians was a cool moment. But when you really think about Elle’s character (even Bruiser being classified as “friendly” when Vivian Kensington tries to pick him up), it perfectly matches.

Based on the stereotype of Geminis, those who hold placements in the sign are known to be friendly, conversational, and witty. Geminis usually have a variety of interests, hobbies or skills. When I think of them, the word that comes to mind is “multifaceded,” because they truly are. It all of course depends on how it manifests in each individual’s life, but they have a range of random knowledge, thoughts, etc. They can always easily pick up on small details and remember them. These people I always see as great presenters, interviewers, writers, and study partners. Depending on the person, of course.

Elle Woods embodies her Sun sign. She’s very smart and knows even the smallest of details. As a fashion major, she’s able to pick up on a sly sales clerk trying to pass off a last season dress as the recent. When she’s moping in her room, a sorority sister goes to Elle to ask for a homework question, signifying that she’s the go-to for the girls on all things school. She also has the highest GPA in her sorority.

When she assumes joining Harvard Law will prove to Warner Huntington that she’s smart (assuming this will make him take her more seriously as a future wife), she spends the entire movie montage studying to up her LSAT scores. She never had any plans to actually continue. But When Warner still devalued her knowledge, this motivates her more to study, improving her presence as a student in each of her teachers’ classes. Not to mention her humility. “What, like it’s hard?”

She’s easily influenced by other’s opinions of her and can’t think much for herself. I’ll go deeper into it further, but many people have had the power in influencing Elle’s choices and decisions. Whether it results in a counteractive response (fueling those who doubt her to study for Harvard), it almost makes her quit law all together. Gemini being a mute sign, I made the connection.

There’s this bigger-picture mindset I always see in Gemini/Sag axis where they speak generally instead of giving details. As a Sagittarius Mercury myself, I can relate. When Elle finds out that Enrique is gay and rushes into court to tell the news, she just blurts “Hey’s gay! Warner, what type of shoes do I have on?” When he answers, “Uh...black ones?” She whips her head around to Callahan and says, “See?” As if the context of Enrique shading her by the water fountain would just materialize in Callahan’s head. She speaks in ways where she assumes everyone within the room will understand her, despite that most of what she’s saying requires a lot of context. This also could do with her being in a different setting with people who lack the range of her previous surroundings.

Her ability to adapt to new environments (of course with her own flare) and new hobbies is prevalent. She's a fashion major and now a law student in just few months, her quick wits rivaling even Waitlist Warner. When she combined both when it came to Brook’s case, it only showed that her versatility is necessary. Who else in that damn school would’ve known that taking a shower hours after getting a perm would deactivate the ammonium thioglycolate? Certainly not V05, 10-In-One Warner. 

Realistic Male-Centeredism 

All her life, Elle has been taught to work to be a trophy wife. She is beautiful and in shape. That’s all that matters. Even her parents insinuate that she isn’t “serious” and that law is only for “ugly people.” Elle probably never realized the low bars people set for her until she ventured out of the expectations. While her reasoning for joining Harvard and maintaining her place were fueled by the possibility of winning Warner, she later realizes that she actually likes law - and she’s pretty good at it.

Doesn’t matter why she started, as long as she’s on the right path.  

Elle joins Harvard because she assumes that it will change Warner’s mind in choosing her as a future wife. However, when he says she isn’t “smart enough,” despite the fact that they got accepted into the same school and have the same classes, this gives her the similar motivation to continue to study. On a call with her friends, they urge her to get the ring and hurry back home. Harvard was only meant to be temporary. When he continued to still doubt her, the goalpost moves. Getting into Harvard wouldn’t earn her his heart; it was now maintaining it.

Unsurprisingly, she accomplishes that when she begins to study more, much to Vivian and Warner’s surprise.  Elle has high hopes for joining Callahan’s internship and expresses this to Warner, who still doubts her. So when she impresses Professor Callahan enough for him to ask if she’s applying for his internship, she replies, “I don’t know.” Warner doesn’t think she’ll do it so she questions herself. 

Lastly is when Callahan comes onto her in his office, clearly not seeing her true potential beyond her gorgeous looks. She’s doubtful of her starlight given knowledge and once again allows a man to determine her path. That is until Professor Stromwell, a woman, reminds her of her potential. This is where everything flips. No longer is she guided by the men in her life, nor does she seek their approval. You see this when winning her first case is finally all the proof Warner needs to see Elle as smart and worthy of mooching off of her name. But it’s already too late and we are lucky to witness her reject him.

A small thing I also realize is when Vivian criticizes Callahan using her as his personal assistant and Warner’s laundry incompetencies, Elle says, “You know men are helpless.” She’s almost excusing men’s uselessness and misogyny as a cute little character flaws because at that time stamp she still sees Warner and Callahan in a good light. It makes me think of those TikToks of wives laughing because their husband can’t bring home the right brand of tampons or those dad that don’t know their kids are deathly allergic to penicillin.

It should be shocking considering Elle is so strongly supportive of the women in her life that she, too, is victim of centering Warner. Her relationship with her sorority sisters and how she treats Vivian and the other women at the school who horribly misjudge her would make you assume that Professor Stromwell would’ve been the best guidance she should’ve paid attention to. But even a before-her-time Gemini vegetarian like Elle Woods fall victim to the male gaze. It isn’t in your face or obnoxious like She-Hulk. She realizes that her worth is from within and changes the pattern in prioritizing men’s opinions before her own. I think the first sight of this was when her father discouraged her from going to Harvard and she chose to ignore it anyway. However, I don’t think her parents, especially her dad, are meant to be interpreted deeply. But it’s still there.

It’s always funny that Elle constantly was doubted by men like Warner and Callahan when these men are not qualified. Vivian reveals that Warner was waitlisted until his dad paid his way in; Elle obliterates his argument in class; and he’s simply played by Mathew Davis, so that sucks in its own right. Warner never stood a chance. Secondly, Callahan has all his research done by Emmett, doesn’t have a trustworthy relationship with his clients, and overlook important details that Elle was able to catch. He’s a seasoned lawyer that’s gotten comfortable. Lazy.

Anyway.

The Sisterhood.

I’m so in love with the sisterhood in this movie. That damn sorority would help you hide a body with no weak links waking up in cold sweats. Rumor Willis’s Ellie, clock out.

I see these sorority girls as iron-tight friends that would never break the bonds of sisterhood. They help each other, support each other, and don’t discriminate. But sororities aren’t  generally known for this, especially ones predominantly white and blond as Delta Nu (which is weird if you think about it). So when Elle leaves the bubble of sorority row into the more dull, less fashionable world of Harvard Law where plaid sweaters and grey pantsuit are more a la mode, she struggles to find that sisterhood. The girls are less loyal, less warm...less, well, Elle.

The girls lie to you and have you show up to a party as a bunny, don’t invite you to study groups, and are rude to you based off of the fact that you’re blond and wear pink. While her sorority girls would help her study in between breaks of their pilates class, grade her LSAT practice tests, and stay up in the library with you instead of going to a frat party, these Law girls are more exclusive...even if you brought muffins. They treat Elle the way they assume she would them. Despite it, she keeps her head up, never assumes the worst, and takes it all with a grain of salt. People pick at her like easy prey, saying whatever they want to, to her, etc. It never fazes her. It doesn’t waver her confidence nor her kindness.

That’s the thing about Elle. She isn’t nice. She’s kind.

What I loved was how she never told Brook Taylor’s alibi, even if it meant Brook getting off of the murder of her husband. Brook swore her to secrecy, so Elle is a closed book. Period. Figure out another way.

She empowers a once meek, soft-spoken Paulette to get her dog back from her cheating ex-boyfriend and to embrace her sexuality when it came to UPS Guy. She doesn’t hold grudges against Vivian and even create a friendship with her. She connects with the women in the beauty salon. She’s just so damn great.

Consistent Themes

The one thing I hate about movies now is that there are always parts of them that’s not fleshed out enough and sort of just get abandoned. I never leave full with these movies. They make a simple story shitty because it’s a cash grab. Movies like Mean Girls, Legally Blond, and Jennifer’s Body you can tell were thought intensively for more than a minute instead of just going out both ends all watery.

The theme of the movie is judging a book by its cover. Throughout the movie, Elle is judged for being blond. She’s stereotyped as stupid, unserious, and shallow. She’s from a sorority, so people assumed she’s an exlcusive mean girl and treat her as such, especially Vivian. Considering Elle is the ex, Warner probably telling Vivian exaggerated, untrue things about Elle during prep school, and Elle showing up to Professor Stromwell’s class not aware of the summer reads, Elle doesn’t have much going for her in Vivian’s eyes. In a world where what’s in your brain matters more than all else, Elle is an anomaly; proof that there is the option of prioritizing both and either one not meaning the lack of the other. (It reminds me of Booksmart where Annabelle surprises Molly that they’re going to the same school next year. Molly assumed that only prioritizing school instead of a social life was the only option and is shocked that people she thought she were above weren’t peaked). Elle’s humility hides the blood, sweat, and tears she puts into her studies, so Vivian thinks this is a reverse Sharpay Evans/Gabriella Montez thing. It’s not. 

However, while Elle is judged for being who she is, she also judges those who are brunette. Aside from her friend Serena, everyone around her is blond, even Warner. So when she meets dark-haired Vivian and new love interest Emmett, it’s a all-around switch-up. Dorky David Kidney even being rejected by those girls is another layer. Warner only proposed to Vivian because of her family, even recycling the same nickname he used for Elle. Everyone is judging someone and treating them according to labels predetermined.

When Elle tells Emmet to have faith in people after he questions the reasoning for Brook not giving an alibi, he follows this new-found ideology through when Elle makes an observation of Enrique being gay. Enrique’s on the stand claiming  a three-month affair with Brook, which would convince the jury of Brook having reason to kill her husband. Elle mentions this after he calls her Prada Damen pumps last season, an observation not many straight men would commonly know, but Callahan dismisses it. Emmett asks Elle if she’s sure and trusts her judgement, jumping into the cross examination. Enrique slips up and admits to having a boyfriend and the court is shocked. A new perspective is brought forth. Aristotle was wrong. Passion is necessary in law.

This theme of faith is continued when Brook trusts Elle enough to represent her as a first year law student. Emmett agreeing to supervise her and pushing through the first few minutes of Elle’s awkward cross-examination was beautiful.

While Warner and Callahan try to influence her choices, Emmett allows them to flow. He gives her range to think things through no matter how they come across. He doesn’t question her, nor does he doubt her. She is his equal and he learns from her as much as she learns from him.

Another theme that carries throughout is Vivan’s internalized misogyny. While Elle’s loyalty to women around her is strong, Vivan’s quick-to-judge attitude rivals it. It’s unrealistic to think internalized misogyny would disappear overnight.

Trigger Warning: I will be defending Vivian Kensington. You’ve been warned.

Look at it from Vi’s perspective. She probably comes from a high strung family who prides themselves in competitive environments. It’s the classic Blair vs Serena bit. It’s not hard to see how easy she falls victim to seeing Elle the way she does. Take Elle being Warner’s ex and the first week of school out of the equation. She’s in an environment where people expect the worst in others. Elle had to even convince Emmett, who lived in that environment longer, to have faith, so Vivian assuming that Elle was accepting Callahan’s advances makes sense. 

Now put the ex bit and the first week back into the equation. Vivian states that Warner told their prep group a lot about Elle. We already know how he sees her so it’s pretty clear how he portrayed her. But for Vivian to witness Elle be called out by Professor Stromwell for not reading the summer read, you can only assume all the gossip of Elle during that summer was confirmed in Vivian’s mind. Elle is a privileged, pretty girl.

She repaired her relationship with Elle, but she still has that mindset buried somewhere. It came out in the worst situation, but it’s very believable.

Lastly, Elle is very humble. After spending an entire summer studying her ass off, she casually acts as if joining Harvard was something simple and not beating the 5% rate of acceptance. When she wins the case for Brook, she downplays her catching a flaw in Brook’s stepdaughter’s story as something any girl would notice. She can be too humble to where she believes her accomplishments aren’t as impressive as they are, though.

Ahead of Its Time

Sisterhood, denouncing slurs against sexual orientation, putting yourself before men’s perspective...I’m not saying the early 2000′s were void of these themes, but in a general sense, they weren’t as popular. Legally Blond was so ahead of its time and does what shows and movies today handle harshly.

Watching She-Hulk, I realized this more than ever. Aside from the show seeming to not have a specific timeline in the MCU and the episodes not having much content, they don’t call out misogyny in the practice of law the way Legally Blond did (I didn’t even realize the law-relation between the two until I wrote the last sentence). It was cheaply done, vulgar, and inorganic. The men were cartoonishly horrible, conveniently terrible, and it almost came off bully-ish. This is crazy coming from me because I love a good man-hating content but She-Hulk did it in a way that was more whiney than point-driven. They even trivialized Hulk’s entire journey of Bruce’s mental struggles. You can’t tell men to go to therapy and them shame them at the rate they get through it. While I liked the implications of women’s life-time experience in composure being the reason why Jennifer Walters was successful in immersing herself with her hulk, her accomplishing other milestones so easily and fast that took Bruce years to master was just too much. If Thor: Ragnorok didn’t already bury Hulk’s entire characteristic, She-Hulk hit the final nail in the coffin.

MCU having a male-dominant fanbase also doesn’t help. They’ll quickly click off of it. I believe men can still watch movies like Legally Blond, Jennifer’s Body, Gothika, Sucker Punch, Practical Magic, etc. They can learn the lessons that the men in those movies fell short at and broaden their understanding of the society they live in. In She-Hulk, there is no message. There is no reflection. It’s only filled with dogwhistle-like phrases copied from Twitter and pasted into the screenplay to fit the woke trend bulldozing through Hollywood screenwriting rooms.

I mean...a man being brutally murdered by a succubus is more easy to watch than whatever She-Hulk uploads. It sucks.

Legally Blond only seems more perfect when you really think about it. Content today only wish they could handle sensitive topics like this without coming off tacky.

In Conclusion:

All in all, this movie is so delightful. I pop it in every time I want a good back ground noise. There’s always something new to discover, always something to unpack, and it’s such a well-rounded film. Even the extras and minor roles can act their asses off. So beautifully done. I truly miss the 2000′s formatting of movies. I know there are plenty that suck, but more than today’s average that don’t.

If I missed anything, let me know.

BTW, Mattew Davis being exposed as a raging racist only makes you realize another aspect of this movie that just ages like fine wine.

[whorrorgrl]

Reviewing all the Scream Movies

I’ve written the review on the new Scream movie, the fifth one in the franchise, but for some reason never published it and had no energy to rewrite the parts I didn’t like. But! I decided to watch the entire franchise and review it all all. Heavy spoilers, of course.

Scream (1996) dir. by Wes Craven

10/10

“Rule number one. Don’t fuck with the originals.”

Considering this entire franchise is a homage to the classics of horror, I really think Skeet Ulrich was casted because he looked like Johnny Depp in 1984′s Nightmare on Elm Street (confession, I’m not obsessed with that movie).

Rewatching it, I just realized that after the murder of Casey Becker and the Ghostface attacking Sydney Prescott, a high schooler runs through the hallway in a Ghostface mask. The two boys are then reprimanded in the principal’s office. The two boys had the same hair styles  to Billy and Stu who’ll be the killers. 

This movie is a classic and have made it up there with the films it pays homage to. Every time I watch it, there’s something new to peel back. While I always thought Billy killing Sydney’s mom and doing all of what he did over a divorce was bizarre, I then remember that they’re teenagers. Of course your parents divorcing sends you into a psychopathic, serial killing spree. Or whatever. I love Gail Weathers going to great lengths to get a story, only to be put in it, I love the call-outs of movie tropes, and I love Mathew Lillard. Sydney is relatable. While she criticizes how stupid girls are in horror, I always love the irony of her doing the exact same thing they do (like running towards the stairs instead of the door) - it shows that you really don’t know what you’d do until it’s you. The reveal is always iconic. Endlessly rewatch it. 

Scream (1997) dir. by Wes Craven

9/10

The movie opens up with Jada Pinkett-Smith  and Omar Epps playing college seniors Maureen Evans and Phil Stevens. Maureen criticizes slasher films as being predominantly white with their black characters being killed off...and then she and Phil get killed shortly after. In fact, even Sydney’s black roommate gets murdered. Maybe she wasn’t the first to be killed off, but she was definitely murdered....which made the entire self-awareness monologue in the beginning not so self-aware. I always questioned the point of it.

I automantically felt the I Know What You Did Last Summer references, especially with casting Sarah Michelle Geller, and even the I Still Know What You Did Last Summer set-up. Scream 2 came out before I Still. Not sure when each movie were filmed as opposed to released, but I peeped it. I’m not the most knowledgable person on horror references but I picked up on a few. Casey Cooper’s death reminded me of The House on Sorority Row, Friday the 13th’s killkillkillkilldiediedie when Cooper talked to her friend, and the Psycho reference at the very beginning of of the movie. There are a lot more, especially when Randy and Mickey listed off movies, but those were the ones I caught. 

I picked up on Mickey being the killer right away, or at least were 70% sure of it. I assumed he was Billy’s brother since they looked so similar, but the random news reporter being Billy’s mom? Did not even think of that in a million years! I assumed it would be movie 3, so I wasn’t expecting her yet. I don’t really rewatch Scream 2 or even 3, so I only knew the killers of 1, 4, and of course 5. For a second, I thought the killer was Sydney’s boyfriend. The lingering camera angles and lighting made me go back and forth with if I thought he were the killer. One thing I love about these movies is that you’ll constantly ping-pong on if all the characters are guilty. Even when Randy so obviously calls out Mickey, that 30% pulsed.  Even when Mickey was revealed and shoot Sydney’s boyfriend, I thought, “Probably fake.” He’s gonna get up and be the second killer. But when the eager news reporter, Billy’s mom, holding a gun? Blew my mind.

It following the iconic first one as a sequel and holding up against it I thought they did well. Ms Maureen had the worst roster of men because Cotton is grimy from head to toe. Mr. Loomis having a son like Billy and a ex-wife like that alone makes me question him too. Even when Cotton killed Ms. Loomis it was only because Sydney promised him an interview. So grimy. I especially loved the mock-movie that reenacted the first movie. I don’t know why I don’t rewatch it enough.

Scream 3 (2000) dir. Wes Craven

6/10

So whenever I remember the franchise, I always confuse whether or not 2 or 3 was the one the weak link of the three. After finishing this one....it’s so obvious which one it is. I talked so much shit about 2 assuming that it was the one I didn’t care for and now I wonder if whoever I told that thinks I have terrible taste. At least Cotton dies. Hi, Ms. Van Der Woodsen!

I fell asleep halfway through and had to restart it again. Other than the original cast, the new ones I wasn’t obsessed with. The setting didn’t do it enough for me either. It was like The Seed of Chucky but that released four years ago so I’m not sure if it’s derivative of it. The new setting was Hollywood on a set that’s built to resemble 261 Turner Lane and Sydney’s house.  Gale has these terrible bangs. Dewey finally has grown man weight. Sydney works at a call center under the name Lauren in a secluded house that would’ve been perfect for Ghostface to trip and stumble around trying to kill her in. Even the woods that moated the property would’ve been great to have the characters running into.  It would’ve given When A Stranger Calls vibe. Instead, it’s in some large mansion owned by John Milton which was a Wes Craven cameo.

This movie promises that a sequel in the franchise will make you question something from the original. What this movie gives us is more details to Maureen’s death and someone claiming to have killed her. Turns out, she was an actress in Hollywood that got assaulted by Milton While in Hollywood, she also had a child she abandoned and no longer claimed...even when when he showed up on her doorsteps. His father was Milton, so.

That child is Roman Bridger, the director of the movie they’re working on. He's angry that Sydney had a life with their mother when he didn’t. He convinced Billy to drag Stu into murdering Maureen, which isn’t hard since we know Billy’s family broke apart because of their dad’s affair.

 Record scratch for a second. Mrs. Loomis and Billy needed to focus their energy on their off-screen ex-husband and dad and leave Sydney alone. Maureen’s already dead, that’s spilled milk. But why is Sydney being lugged into this day in and day out and this mysterious Mr. Loomis is just somewhere in a one bedroom apartment glad he’s no longer paying alimony since Mrs. Loomis wants to redirect her anger to a college student. 

The end of Scream 3 was better than the beginning and made me forgive them for not using her house as the final scene. But everything else? I just wouldn’t rewatch it, or at least not as much as I would the others. It’s like a filler anime episode. I take nothing that happened in it seriously.

The jokes just fell flat. I honestly didn’t care who was running around killing people. Oh, and the black cameraman Tyson from the second movie finally dies. It was bound to happen.

I like that Sydney in the end no longer allows fear to rule her life. 

But as long as she’s alive someone will get inspired by the crime in some cryptic online chat and come after her. At this point, even I would feel honored to kill the Sydney Prescott because there’s only so many times you can evade death before I call up Jason. 

Scream 4 dir. Wes Craven (2011)

10/10

“You just won’t die will you? Who are you, Michael fucking Meyers?”

I already know my rating of all five of the movies and Scream 4 is up there. One of my favorites. I mean, only one of all the movies sucks for me, but Scream 4 is the one I rewatch the most behind Scream 1. 

This movie gives me Sorority Row remake vibes. They’re vastly different but I think it might just be the filters being similar. Jill, Sydney’s cousin, is the Ghostface killer along with a film fan Charlie Walker.

I can see where she’s coming from. Not with the fame hungry, final girl obsession but because, from an outsider’s perspective, everything is about Sydney-fucking-Prescott. Even Jill’s mom, Maureen’s sister, mentions that she also lost a sister. The sorority girls from movie 2 is passive aggressively annoyed at the attention Sydney gets for being the survivor or a serial murder. Every killer has had some obsession with being the one to gut Sydney. She’s always in the center of it all. For people like Jill and Cotton, even Sydney’s publicist Rebecca, they will try to milk her of what they can. They act as if she purposely survives these murders to get media attention If anything, there was a time she wanted a secluded life before she embraced the attention she’ll get regardless. She goes into hiding, Ghostface brings her out. She becomes public, Ghostface still attacks. 

Kristen Bell’s character in the intro mentions that there’s something so good about just someone with a knife murdering. I think that’s what I love about the Scream franchise. While I love me a good demonic entity, I love realism too. In the second Scream movie when Ghostface is just running around, tripping over shit, getting knocked out, it was just so good Even in the sinful third movie when he’s running around the set clumsily, I enjoyed it. Movies like Texas Chainsaw or Jason, no matter how slowly they walked and how fast the victims ran Jason and Leatherface always caught up. It’s bordering on supernatural. I think this is why people flock to movies like The Strangers (2008). Humans are just as evil as any monster.

Everything pointed to Jill being the killer but Scream 4 did it in a way where you still question it. I never had the pleasure of not knowing Jill wasn’t the killer since my first watch of it I’d already been spoiled, but still a good movie. Jill’s face the entire movie is just so sly. You probably wouldn’t pick up on it your first time watching, but every line delivered was so...layered. She seemed amused by the whole thing, always holding back a laugh. Her reaction to her friends dying was so bad! The acting was terrible! Although Emma Roberts is not my favorite person, she’s a great actor so the bad acting is purposeful. Jill is what’s wrong with everyone trying to get big off of a tragedy. I’d rank her the second best Ghostface behind Stu and Billy. 

What I never understood with these murderers staging the scene is if they don’t think professional investigators can see something’s off with the placement of bodies, blood splatter, gun shots/knife wounds, all that. When you give them a play by play and it doesn’t match, what then? And these videos you plan on being found, how will you explain you getting stabbed, getting your hair ripped out, crashing into glass coffee tables not being on the videos? This is Gonjiam all over again; I’m over thinking it. But...be fucking for real, Jilly girl.

I’ll suspend belief, I guess. Iconic villain. Who knew a domestic abuser could perfectly play a believable murdering bitch. ❤️ 

Scream (2022) dir.  Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, Tyler Gillett

7/10

I like it. I do, I swear. Just...

This is the only one not directed by Wes Craven since he, you know, died. This man is iconic, directing movies that pays homage to his own is crazy. Directing Vampire in Brooklyn? You’ll be missed, king. 

So will you, Dewey. 

Yeah, Dewey dies.

I’m a basic bitch when it comes to horror. I own The Witch, Get Out, and Gretel and Hansel so I can appreciate a “complex, emotional and thematically underpinned” “elevated horror” every once in a while, but I love a good “schlocky, cheeseball nonsense with wall-to-wall jump scares.” In fact, they’re my favorite. 

Yeah, Tara. 

There’s nothing wrong with watching a good senseless slasher with decent enough “underpinning.” BTW, it means a foundation of ideas, motives, or devices to justify the basis of something, or the foundations of a fucking building. Had to look that up. Fuck you, Tara. This is why you and Anna Paquin got stabbed up for being rude.

I do like Scream. There’s another coming out next year so I’m guessing the Carpenter sisters will be the new final girls. Sydney Prescott yet again survives. Love you girl, but it’s your time. Clearly Jenna Ortega and Melissa Barrerra will continue on the legacy. They already have the questionable mom to start off. I loved seeing Skeet Ulrich reprising his role. I adore (practically obsessed with) Jenna Ortega. Ms. Barrerra is okay. I liked her in Keep Breathing (2022). I feel as if she’s up and coming too. She’s in Vida, which I haven’t watched, along with a few telenovelas, so she’s a seasoned actor. However, her acting in Scream was so stiff!

The new friend group, Tara’s friends, are all descendants of the originals of the Woodsboro murders, except Amber who lives in the old Macher house. Deputy Judy Hicks also dies too but I never liked her or her lemon squares, so whatever. Dewey advising that it’s always the boyfriend is hilarious because it turned out to be in this movie. Any mother fucker that looks like Curtis Lepore is questionable. Not sure if it’s based off of other horror movies, but it’s really only been the boyfriend twice, and that’s if you count that random film freak in Scream 4. 

How do you not look at Amber and not know she’s the killer? This is also another movie I got spoiled so I knew she was the killer from the get-go, but the boyfriend was an educated guess. I love how Mindy, Randy’s daughter and the show’s film nerd, theorized that Judy Hicks and her son Wes won’t be killed since Judy’s not in the original  only for Richie and Amber to promptly kill them. 

I don’t know...I didn’t like the ending. When the Richie tries to play with Sam’s mind on who the killer might be and suggested Tara, tell me why I fell in love with that idea. Imagine if they all were Ghostface? Sam being surrounded by the friend group who secretly hate her for abandoning Tara and wanting their fame for killing Loomis��s mysterious child. Tara could’ve stumbled on her mom’s old journal and fueled her hatred for her sister, planned it with her friends to lure her back, and now she’s dealing with countless ghost faces. Never been done before. Speaking of her mom, her existing with a demon child in her is so bizarre. It’s plausible. Still bizarre. 

“Something about this feels different,” Dewey had said. But it didn’t. It felt like when Sydney found out the had a random sibling. Why is everyone having secret children? Pretty Little Liars (the books) is the only one that did it right.

Plus Ms. Prescott has kids! Endless remakes that’ll last into my grandkid’s generation.

Furthermore...

I don’t have high hopes for this franchise. I don’t know....I don’t know why I don’t but I don’t. No amount of Jenna Ortega scenes is going to convince me. But who knows. 

                                                My Ranking:

1. Scream (1996) is obviously first. It’s just so perfect and layered that I can’t think of putting anything else above it. I rewatch it so much, so much so that I have all the lines down. As Sydney loves to say, no one can mess with the original.

2. Scream 4 (2011) is second. My second most rewatched. Jill being the killer, the kills, even the surprise second killer was so good. It payed homage to the remakes of originals while Jill parallels trying to be the new final girl by taking out her cousin. Kirby Reed panicking as she lists off all the remakes give the same energy as April Kepner stammering out her life story to a gunman. 

3. Scream 2 (1997). I’m conflicted on if this deserves second spot or third, but then I remember the ending. Didn’t like it as much as 4. Mrs. Loomis took me by a surprise, but Jill still tops it. Ilove the setting being college and that mini sorority scene. That crashed police car scene where Sydney and Hallie have to crawl over an “unconscious” Ghostface alone was so good, especially when I was waiting for Hallie to get stabbed when it was her turn to go. Lastly, everyone was rocking bouncy, cute bobs.

4. Scream (2022). I didn’t like it that much, but I did like it enough for it to be fourth and Scream 3 to be last. It’s not a bad movie. I realize the way I’m writing about it makes it seem like I hate it, but I don’t. Just really wanted the entire group to be Ghostface. 

5. Scream 3 (2000). Beautiful, lovely, transcendent gowns. Those damn bangs, Ms Cox, obliterate them!

[whorrorgrl]

Nope (2022)

Months later and I finally watch Nope. Illegally. 

Sorry, Mr. Peele

Starring Daniel Kaluuya, Keke Palmer, Steven Yeun, and Brandon Perea, Nope is described as a “Neo-Western” supernatural horror about siblings that inherit their father’s horse ranch shortly after his death. Keke is her fun loving self as always and Daniel was so monotone and unfazed by anything that I had to research a Taurus placement I predicted he had. It was his mars. 

I love Peele’s movies. While I adore the meaning behind his two works Get Out and Us, I didn’t want to deeply psycho-analyze Nope and attach it to some racial inequality black people face. Why? It’s kind of tiring. Besides, not because there are black characters mean that it speaks on racial inequality; we are very versatile people. Assuming everything Peele releases will be deconstructing some sub-structure of systemic racism is no fun and frankly not fair. Maybe it’s just about aliens. 

I mean, it is. In a sense.

It’s very obvious that it speaks on animal exploitation and the obsession many have with watching a “spectacle,” as the movie themes. It’s repetitive in telling the many different way animals, including the alien, are exploited. The first one I’ll talk about is Ricky “Jupe” Park.

His story affected me the most.

As a child, Ricky was apart of a sitcom called Gordy’s Home centered around a chimp living with a family. Filmed in front of a live studio audience, Gordy the chimp was triggered by a balloon popping and attacked the cast members. Little Jupe hid under the table and witnessed it all: Gordy attacking the actors, blood smeared across its hairy face, its paws, splashed across the pastel furniture. Even when another actor tried to interfere, Ricky’s character, Jupe, watched as Gordy cornered him in another room and mutilated him too. We as the audience watched as Gordy wandered back out to where Ricky’s hiding under the table. It’s just this tense moment of if this wild animal will turn on Jupe next. Table cloth shielding Jupe’s eyes from the perspective of Gordy, the chimp approached the table and reached his paw out to give Jupe the signature fist bump. Authorities broke into the set and shot Gordy dead. A shoe that belonged to Jupe’s on screen sister Mary Joe stood. 

I wanted to cry. His story was the most interesting because, now as an adult, he tries to cling onto the legacy of what was obviously a very traumatic thing to happen to him. He’s been spit up and washed up by Hollywood and now buys a park, Jupiter’s Claim, hoping to revive his reputation. Jupiter’s “claim” to fame? He exploits his trauma, even having a showroom for guests who pay extra. One of his showcases is Mary Joe’s shoe standing upright. While unnaturally in his memory, it’s propped up in a case. Waiting for the shoe to drop that hadn’t. Gordy hadn’t mauled him because his eyes, from the perspective of the chimp, were covered by the table sheets.

Ricky, however,  doesn’t know that. In the movie, what Gordy, Lucky (OJ’s horse), and the alien have in common is that they are triggered by those who look them in the eye. When Gordy hadn’t mauled Jupe like he did the other cast mates, Ricky grows to assume he has a connection with wild animals, subsequently becoming an unreliable character. Even assuming that the shoe could stand on its own is proof enough that his memories aren’t the most accurate.

Fine. Believe that on your own time, Ricky.

But to be so arrogant, to be so hungry for fame again, that you risk the lives of your guests, your wife and three kids included, to try to lure out a wild animal that is the alien? You lost me. 

The shoe finally drops when that alien swallows them whole, all except for Lucky who didn’t look the creature in the eye, and now Ricky is in the stomach of the alien, hearing his family and guests scream for their lives, as they are slowly digested and shitted out. 

After sitting on Ricky’s storyline for a day, it really angered me. I understand that he acts and is the way he is from trauma, but my understanding hardens when you hurt harmless victims. Instead of warning people of this alien, you buy horses off of OJ (who planned on buying them back once his ranch got back in financial order) and feed them to this creature for months. 

While I love a good jump scare and a demonic asian girl or five, I have a small appreciation for slow burns like this. Not all of them, but most. It allows you to slow down, pay attention to every detail, every word, every movement of the camera; even the slightest, seemingly minor movement. Nope did that for me. I had to have a little help with research to understand every meaning, because good directors like Peele, and even Ari Aster, don’t just do things just because. 

This alien is terrifying. In a setting like the not-so-wild west, there’s nowhere to hide. You are in a plane field just watching this large monstrosity of a thing hover over you. You look left, you look right, all dirty, cut off by large mountains that begin more dirt. Town is 20...30 minutes tops away. Perfection. 

Em and OJ are polar opposites. While Em is vibrantly outgoing and charismatic, OJ is stoic and reclusive. Em has been to the city where she’s able to meet a lot of different characters, while OH mainly focuses on horses. Even the way he treats people is similar to how he treats his animals. He isn’t used to people and everything he says is so awkwardly sputtered out in these guttural grunts. Are they words? They’re so low and smushed together that your guess is as good as mine. 

While many people want something of the creature (Ricky wanting it to revive his career, Em wanting to capture it so she can sell it, that TMZ bicyclist wanting to report on it, Antlers Holst wanting to get the perfect shot even if his life depends on it), OJ just sees it as it is: a wild animal. He hasn’t been corrupted by the ideals that Hollywood does to the people around him - you can tell by the music he listens to, his relationship with others, rejecting the offers to buy his ranch. He’s very old school and cut off from the influence of modern society’s obsession with capturing everything. He just wants to save his father’s ranch. That’s it. 

The scene where Em is yanked into the air was my favorite.  Ricky’s kids spooking OJ in the barn...perfection. That scene with the blood running down the window? Love it. I love picking apart his movies like raw meat. It’s so layered and beautiful. I love his versatility. 

Any criticism? I do think that it went on a little longer than necessary. Sometimes movies are perfect only being 90 minutes. A lot can be done, less risk of filler, and the pacing is perfect to follow. While I understand OJ’s this out-of-touch person, especially when it comes to socializing, his dialogue seems so awkward...especially around his sister who he should be comfortable enough for. Kaluuya’s deliver seemed off-beat in a way. That one scene where the alien hovers over his truck and he opens the door, sees it, then swiftly closes it with a “Nope” just.....I don’t know. Didn’t like that part as much as I expected. He just doesn’t have the comedic delivery.

But other than that, I loved the movie. Cannot wait for the next.

8/10

By the way, Logan Paul not liking this movie is the most funny thing ever. I almost hope he’s paid to rant about not understanding the movie because this movie could’ve been a message just for him and only him. I mean, did you forget the Japanese forest, Loge? No way you did. 

[whorrorgrl]

The Hunt (2020)

I decided to rewatch the Hunt after ordering the DVD online. I’m pretty inconsistent and I change my mind with movies I’d consider my Top 10, but this one....If I ever sit down to review all the movies I’ve ever watched, this one might make it up there.

If you watched and loved The Hunger Games and The Purge franchises, The Hunt, directed by Craig Zobel, stars Betty Gilpin, Ethan Surplee, and the lovely Hilary Swank (hi, queen, love you) is like a beautiful hybrid. You also see actors like Justin Hartley Ike Barinholtz, and Emma Roberts, who’s still somehow employed after abusing her then boyfriend, and many other familiar faces. 

The Hunt does this twist I’ve only personally seen Scream (1996) do where they misdirect you with who the protagonist will be. I wasn’t alive to watch Scream market Drew Barrymore as the main protagonist in their trailer and tour only for moviegoers to head to the cinema and watch her get killed off in the first 10 minutes, but I can only imagine that experience being iconic. I never watched The Hunt’s trailers, so I don’t know if they marketed it with Emma Roberts and Ike Barinholtz as the main characters, but if they had ruined it and showed Betty Gilpin, I’m glad I didn’t see it. I went in blind. It made my first time watching this movie amazing. I didn’t know what the hell was going on the first 20-30 minutes.

The movie opens up with Athena Stone, played by Swank, talking to her publicists about exposed text messages of her and her friends talking about hunting people in her Vermont manor. She denies the rumors. 

On a private plane, Richard, played by Glenn Howerton is obnoxious with a flight attendant. As she’s pouring champagne, a large  drugged, drooling man runs out from the back of the plane, clearly not knowing where he is. This frightens everyone on the plane since the man, Randy, woke up too early. For what? No clue yet. A male attendant on the plane subdues him then stabs him in the neck with a pen, killing him so he won’t say what he saw. He’s dragged back to the back where the camera pans to an unconscious Emma Roberts, who they call Yoga Pants. Is she be our protagonist?

Yoga Pants wakes up in the forest with a gag in her mouth. Ten other captives are with her, including Crystal who, seeming to have survivalist skills, is placing a leaf in the lake’s water. There’s a clearing in the woods where a large wooden box is in the center, kind of like the Hunger Games where all the weapons the tributes will need to survive is there. After a character pries open the box and a shirted pig wobbles out, the captives find the key to their gags as well as weapons. Yoga Pants is reluctant to use the gun, probably anti-gun, but Don, played by Wayne Duvall, tells her she better learn.However, Yoga Pants and another are shot dead. 

Oh. 

Their blood splatters onto Trucker, played by Justin Hartley, who then run to the woods. Okay, he’s our protagonist. My bad. Little (2019), Smallville (2001), Revenge (2011), of course he’s the main guy. 

Nope. 

Gets blown up by a landmine. 

Ike Barinholtz, or Staten Island, jumps into view. Okay. Got me there. The Mindy Project’s Ike is our protagonist. 

Nope. 

Blown to bits by a shotgun.

I really love gas station in horror movies, so it being in this thriller....fuck. Yes. Before Staten Island dies, they stumble upon a gas station that resembles every horror movie’s pit stop before hell unleashes. It’s Ma and Pop ran, couples Miranda and Julius telling the group that they’re in Arkansas, states away from where each in the group are from. Big Red grabs a powdered doughnut and eats it. Vanilla Nice wanders around the gas station. The group realizes that the rumors of the elites kidnapping people to kill off is true and that they’ve all been kidnapped. Miranda criticizes Staten Island about the hypocrisy of the second amendment rights and how whoever is hunting them down is doing exactly what Staten Island does back home. Exercising the right to bear arms. Big Red suddenly chokes on the doughnut, obviously poisoned, and Ma and Pop murder the group. They then report to the other elites through walkie-talkie.

As they’re cleaning up the blood, resetting the gas station for the other captives that would wander there, Crystal is slowly walking up the road. She asks the couple if they know what state she’s in and for a pack of cigarettes. They find it weird that she doesn’t know what state she’s in and hands her the change from a sweaty $20 Crystal had in her sock for emergencies. She eyes the change. Julius reaches for the gun he’d just finished killing Staten Island with. But Crystal already knows something’s up. Arkansas smokes cost $6 and the change doesn’t match up. She’s not in Arkansas and they aren’t a sweet old couple running a run-down gas station. She kills the couple, discovers that she’s in Europe, and listens in on the elites conversing on the walkie-talkie. She later meets Gary and Don as she fights to figure out how to escape.

I love movies criticizing the bourgeoisie and hate them at the same time. The Platform (2019), The Hunger Games trilogies, Parasite (2019), Sorry to Bother You (2018), even the Purge franchises are ones I think of that bring light to how the rich treat the poor. To them, those below them are expendable and only have value depending on what the proletariat can do for them. Reading The Communist Manifesto, Black Marxism, and simply being apart of the working class society of America, these movies are always fun to watch. Will anything ever come of them? No. Does it only show that the rich that make these movies are self-aware with no intention of changing? Maybe. Celebrities reviews on Parasite and Jay Z’s questionable views on his empire only proved this. 

I still love The Hunt.

This movie makes fun of both sides I would say. It’s clearly the fake liberal rich vs closed-minded Republicans/people who criticize them. Sure they hunt and murder people in the woods, but at least they believe in global warming, is against the NRA, and don’t say the N word. Each of the elite is targeting the 12 victims for their online presences that criticize them. Gary spoke on the released text messages on his podcast, Staten Island protecting his Amendment rights to bear arms, or Crystal Mae Creasey calling out Athena Stone online. The others, like Yoga Pants, aren’t specified but you can only assume their reasons for being chosen are similar. 

These elites want them hunted to know why they’re there and reflect on it before they are murdered. Before the hunt had started, the elites mulled over who to pick as they clicked through slides showcasing potential captives. They can only choose 12. Stone has her eyes set specifically on Crystal. 

Crystal is a bad ass. She’s prior enlisted, so she knows how to fight. She knows how to survive. Unlike most who are left to fend for themselves and just end up running around as they get picked off, she’s pretty smart, calculated, and observant. She’s completely underestimated by her captors. All the captives are considered to be idiots with too much time on the internet by these elites, so country, ex military red-neck Crystal is no different. Her online posts Athena takes personally enough to want to be the one to kill her when she’s discovered to be still alive. No guns. No weapons. A fair fight. 

After being welcomed into Athena’s rented manor where Athena’s villain-speech happens, Crystal reveals to Athena that Athena got the wrong Crystal. Crystal Mae Creasey was the one making those posts about Athena, not Crystal May Creasey who stood before Athena. Crystal sometimes even gets the other Crystal’s mail sometimes, but Athena doesn’t believe it. I mean, there’s really no reason for Crystal to be lying at this point in it all, but the women begin fighting. One of the best fight scenes I’ve seen. At the end, when both women are dying on the floor from their wounds, Athena asks if she really did get the right Crystal. Crystal tells her no and Athena dies. Crystal then gets up after seeing a  bunny that ties into a metaphoric story that my eyes glazed over during and boards the plane that awaited the now dead elites. She takes a long gulp of the champagne and the movie ends. 

This movie isn’t horror, but I still wanted to write about it. It’s just so good. Never did I think a movie would make me sympathize with Republicans. It was so tongue-in-cheek with so many issues. My favorite was Don not wanting to murder one of the female elites because she was a woman, only for the elite to rather die to be equal. 

 I haven’t watched Bodies, Bodies, Bodies (2022) yet and the reviews are all mixed, but from what I gathered they could be pretty similar. Black/dark comedies about a serious issue is always easier to digest. With The Hunger Games, it was all so bizarre and far from our own reality that even if it was so serious, not many reflected on if it’s any similar to our society. If they did, no action came of it.

The Hunt’s humor in it makes me laugh for a moment, but the leaked messages of the elites, how they think they are somehow moral for believing in certain issues, and Athena’s unawareness when she accuses people like Crystal of warping their own views to change reality parallels our own. How many podcasts, documentaries, or articles do we read like Gary’s podcast where they call out something that big, capitalist companies are doing? Countless. Reddit, Twitter, and other sites like it are breeding group of underground conversations that aren’t just by incels. Even Facebook allows the averge Anna Walker to tweet her controversial thoughts as she waits for her peach cobbler to cool by the window sill. This can very much happen and probably already does. The Pepsi Number Five thing is one that comes to mind. 

It’s light enough for me to want to rewatch it over and over again. I love movies like this, but I fear that it’ll be too desensitizing for people to really realize that there’s something way more to learn from these movies. It’ll soon become a sub-genre that’s fun to watch and people will line up to the movies to see them. I just see the theaters being this pot and us just ribbiting and hopping into those seats. 

P.S. Was Don on their side? I don’t think so and I don’t think it’s open ended but it’s fun to assume.

9/10

[whorrorgrl]

Is Mother! a “Good for Her” Movie?

So a week or two ago, I finally had the pleasure of watching Mother!, starring Jennifer Lawrence. I liked it so much that I ordered a physical copy to keep in my collection.

I love Jennifer Lawrence as an actress, and this movie added to my favorite works she’s been in. I had to watch this movie twice to really understand what the hell I just watched. After a second viewing and reading a few articles, I finally understood what the message of this movie represented. While I don’t want to get into the biblical meaning behind it all (considering I can relate the movie to many other things than that), I still wanted to talk about it.

For my last post, I looked up movies that were considered “Good for Her,” but was surprised to find that during my research the 2017 psychological film Mother! was considered one. The movies I’d chosen were supposed to question if the ending was really the satisfactory, feminist movie people claimed they were. While those movies were covert in the unjustified suffering those women went though with an ending that, upon closer inspection, revealed that they were no more freer than how they’d started out, I thought Mother!’s was more...obvious?

Like, literally from the get-go.

Mother! narrates a husband driving his wife to the brink of insanity for over an hour. Her boundaries are disrespected when he husband allows his fans to destroy their home, rip her newborn baby boy from her sleeping arms to then be consumed, and have her pushed to the brink of madness that she burns herself and the house down with him in it. Only, he comes out of it untouched. If that wasn’t enough, after he’s drained her in every possible way, he pulls her heart from her charred body and cherishes it more than he ever did her. Despite that this is an ironic derivative of the bible and that alone, where in that says good for her? 

Mother feels very surreal. I’m surprised it isn’t a surrealist film. I don’t want to sound pretentious and say “film,” but “surrealist film” sounds better than “surrealist movie” so here we are. 

It’s fucking bizarre. 

It’s the kind of movie that leaves you staring at your TV as the credits roll wondering what the fuck just happened or if it even did. That one baby scene alone was enough for me to realize how ridiculous it got. Not the full blown war and human trafficking happening in the living room. Communion.

I love this film because of how it made me feel. I was so uncomfortable. I’m pretty big on people touching my things. My biggest fear has always been throwing a party in my house and having people touching my possessions, like Mean Girls and that fertility vase from the Ndebele tribe. People’s sticky, grubby hands all over something you possess most. It feels so tainted and unclean. No one knows how to handle your things more than you do, and some see it as an extension of oneself. I sure do. So watching Mother! was like a curated movie for me and my Taurus moon’s biggest horrors.

Our main character, Mother, is ignored, gaslit, traumatized, and witnesses a crowd feast on her newborn baby. Seeing her plead and beg these rowdy guests to leave made me angry. Seeing how they broke apart her home drove me up the wall. But it’s even worse when you realize her husband, Him, allows it. In fact, he encourages it. When the tear apart the walls, rip open the floor boards, scavenge their furniture, he smiles. He’s happy that people love him enough to want to rip his home apart. Even when they kill his only begotten son, he believeth in them. 

At the end of the movie, she is driven to insanity. Shit, I’m on the road with her. She gives and gives so much of herself to this man that takes and takes. And even as she lay, charred from lighting the house ablaze, he asks for more. Her heart. Her literal, calcified heart to put on a mantle like he did the other many hearts of the other many Mothers he drove to the same fate. It makes me look at the movie so emptily on the second rewatch. It reminds me of literal motherhood. Of womanhood in its entirety.

Mother doesn’t win in the end. Not in my eyes anyway. God- I mean, Him has learned nothing from his past mistakes and from how the movie began and ended, he probably won’t ever. He uses these Mothers as his muse for his work and he doesn’t plan on stopping. Their pain is his victory.

Where is the feminism in that? These type of movies classified as Good For Her have some feminist appeal of the woman taking back her own agency in a situation where she’s wronged. It’s always a triumphant closing. Ready or Not is a good example. Instead of being killed by a maniacally rich family in some weird sacrificial ritual she’s tricked into, she survives and they blow up like ketchup filled balloons. Good for her. In Knives Out, Marta gets the house and the millions of dollars after her late boss’s greedy, racist family harasses her. Good for her. Even in The Witches of Eastwick (1987), the three witches regain their control from the literal devil. 

A man stressing you out to the point where you try to kill yourself by blowing up the house with you and him in it and he is untouched? I don’t know….I don’t know.

I guess I can see why people would say the latter Maybe when Mother gives her heart to Him and dies, she’s finally fre-

Yeah, no. There is no spin on making this a “Good for Her” movie. The only Mother movie that would make this criteria is Bong Joon Ho’s 2009 crime mystery of the same name. It’s a less talked about project of his but I had the pleasure of watching it and it’s pretty good. It isn’t horror so I won’t be talking about it but the only Mother movie I can even lump in any feminist-driven criteria. Mother!, while amazing, is not it.

[whorrorgrl]

Unpopular Horror Opinion #1

Pretty Little Liars....is a horror drama.

The amount of time I have watched those episodes and could feel the chill running down my back, afraid that A was outside my window waiting for me to go to sleep? 

Marlene King ruins everything she touches, that we can agree on. But the world she adapted from Sara Sheppard’s books force even her biggest haters (me included) to admit she did the damn thing. How you literally feel as if your life is just as much in danger as the liars, how you’re completely submerged in the terrifying scandals as the liars. A is sending Emily, Hanna, Spencer, Aria, and [ Your Name ] threatening messages. Cunt. For all you know, you’re the fifth liar. Not Allison that should’ve stayed dead and revealing that she was alive ruined the most iconic mean girl in mean girl history - my blood pressure’s rising.

If Marlene hadn’t doubled back on Aria being A or decided to literally unearth Alison from a grave she should’ve stayed in, Pretty Little Liars would have gone down in history as one of the best shows. It would’ve ended in season 4 with a maniacal Aria.

But no.

I’m obviously not the only one who thinks this, but I don’t see it talked about enough. This show is pure horror with a side of drama.