#can his ass get back on twitter i loved that he just said shit

[torsamors]

remember when patrick was like ‘um i never punched pete in the FACE. our fist fights were very tame’ <- somethings wrong with him

[norrizzandpia]

The Video (LN4)

Summary: Y/n and Lando’s club dancing sends the F1 world into a frenzy.

Warnings: sexual innuendos, sexual conversations, its short im sorry, if you want something more to this storyline lmk in the requests ill prob do it lol

Note: IVE HAD THIS IDEA IN MY HEAD LONG BEFORE I EVEN STARTED WRITING

TWITTER

ln4andop81 how yall feeling after that leaked vid?

- mclarensgirly FIGHTING. FOR. MY. LIFE.

- f1fan2 if i speak.

- ln4andop81 what shall we address first.

- mclarensgirly maybe the GRINDING????

- f1fan2 PLZ I SCREAMED THE WAY HIS HANDS GUIDED HER HIPS 😫😫😫😫

- ln4andop81 THE WHISPERING IN THE EAR???

- mclarensgirly BRUH I JUST KNOW LANDO SAID SOMETHING SO GODDAMN QUESTIONABLE BY THE LOOK OF Y/N’S FACE

- f1fan2 bro literally moved his hands up to the bottom of her boobs and down and then whispered some crazed shit in her ear and i died. THE PERSON WHO FILMED THAT VIDEO I LOVE YOU 😋😋

- ln4andop81 yeah i think its safe to say that lando norizz is definitely a myth.

—

y/nnn so about last night.

Comments:

mclarensgirly ABOUT LAST NIGHT MY ASS

ln4andop81 girly had a whole video of her grinding on her bf leaked and her response is “about last night”. icon.

landonorris i had fun 😙

- mclarensgirly BYE

- ln4andop81 MANS IS INSANE

- f1fan2 so moral of the story lando basically fucked his gf in public and said “i had fun” NO SHIT

- mclaren dont think you understand the pr situation at hand 😀

- mclarensgirly NOW IM DONE FOR

- ln4andop81 MCLAREN ADMIN IS FIGHTING ON THE FRONT LINES RN

maxverstappen this is why i said to not drink too much

- y/nnn YOU PUT THE DRINKS IN. MY. HAND.

- landonorris i think your exact words were “next round on me?”

- kellypiquet i am afraid babe that you did in fact do and say both of those things

—

TWITTER

Mclarenfan22 its the way lando pushes y/ns hips into him so she can be as CLOSE as possible

- circledriving-racers plz when i first saw that vid i rlly didnt think by the end of it i would know what lando looked like when he was clearly feeling some type of way

- ln4andop81 yeah bc the way he threw his head back when she started circling her hips against his spoke VOLUMES

- papayafan it had ME feelin some typa way and i wasnt even the one getting danced on

- ln4andop81 i feel like its prob for the best the vid ended before we could see them separate bc i feel like we wouldve seen LANDO and not lando if yk what i mean 😟

- papayafan a bone-

- mclarenfan22 we would rlly know EVERYTHING abt him at that point

- ln4andop81 im willing to bet a large sum of money (im broke) that hes big

- y/nnn is this where im supposed to “enter the chat”?

- ln4andop81 MAAM.

- mclarensgirly YES. SPILL THE TEA.

- f1fan2 YEAH DO THE PUBLIC A SERVICE AND TELL US ‼️‼️‼️

- y/nnn i think i would like to gatekeep this one girlies 💋💋

-mclarensgirly wow.

- ln4andop81 ill never get over how it girl she is.

—

landonorris it was a great night and thats all i have to say abt it

Comments:

oscarpiastri UHHHHHHH

mclaren we cant catch a break ever

y/nnn BABE THE SIGN 😭😭

- landonorris i thought it really translated my thoughts 🙏🏻

- mclarensgirly BRO DOESNT GIVE A FUCK GAHDAMN

ln4andop81 so i guess the question rlly is: did the sign become reality?

- landonorris what do you think 🤭

[lxclerc]

𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐜𝐚𝐭 𝐠𝐟 | 𝐚𝐥𝟏𝟐

summary… arthur is dating someone and his fans don’t like it request… yes but it’s for the og arthur girlie faceclaim… xowie jones pairing… arthur leclerc x reader

note… @coffeehurricanes have been begging me to make something for arthur since forever and i finally caved

𝙢𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

yourusername

liked by arthur_leclerc, lorenzotl and others

yourusername my “that’s her” pictures but it’s the pics my bf showed his mum

view all comments…

user1 girlie this isn’t something to be proud of

user2 she’s so cool and different and quirky and not like other girls !!!!!!!!!! do you want a cookie or sumthing?

lorenzotl can confirm! 😂

⤷ yourusername you loved me the moment you saw me, admit it

⤷ lorenzotl i admit it!

charles_leclerc maman nearly had a heart attack!!

⤷ yourusername then i became her fav 🤭

⤷ user7 pascale prolly can’t stand this bitch

user3 nah bc what the hell does she have on the leclerc brothers bc no way they genuinely like her dating arthur

arthur_leclerc and i wouldn’t have it any other way ❤️

⤷ yourusername idiot

⤷ arthur_leclerc *your* idiot

⤷ user4 arthur was being sweet and this bitch just insults him for no reason

⤷ user5 arthur blink twice if you’re being held captive

user6 so many jealous and mad bitches in this comment section. not so gentle reminder for yall that he’ll never date you in any universe lol ♡ liked by arthur_leclerc, charles_leclerc and 203 others

arthur_leclerc

liked by yourusername, pascale_leclerc and others

arthur_leclerc my beautiful, beautiful girl ❤️

view all comments…

user1 is the beautiful beautiful girl in the room with us?

user2 arthur wear red next weekend if she’s holding a gun to your head

user3 i could be a better girlfriend than her

yourusername i’ll always save my last chicken nuggy for you, mi amore

⤷ arthur_leclerc you must really love me 😌

⤷ yourusername don’t push it

⤷ user4 she just has to ruin every sweet moment

charles_leclerc really mate?

⤷ yourusername if you’re jealous, close your eyes

⤷ user8 girl what does charles have to be jealous about

user5 why do we even hate her? like has she done anything worth hating her for? or is it just bc she looks a little different than what’s considered as conventional and happened to be dating your white boy of the month?

⤷ user6 i think she’s really a bad influence on arthur and she publicly argues with a lot of people on twitter

⤷ user5 doesn’t she only argue with people who say shit abt arthur? i mean why isn’t she not allowed to defend her bf? also where’s your proof abt her being a bad influence on arthur

⤷ user7 bitches real quiet cause they’ve got nothing to use

arthur_leclerc

liked by charles_leclerc, lorenzotl, and others

arthur_leclerc i’ve let this go on long enough and now she’s gotten hurt. i have no words to express how disappointed i am of everyone who has ever said anything against y/n for no reason other than she is with me. she has done nothing to deserve the bullying she gets and yet she does nothing to any of you.

any hate i see about her will be automatically blocked. i would rather have no fans at all than have fans who can’t respect the woman i intend to spend my life with.

and if anyone do anything to her physically, i will retaliate worse than i did today. this is a warning.

and to @yourusername i’ve failed you, baby. i sat back and watch everyone bully you telling you to just ignore it all and you didn’t deserve that. i will spend the rest of my life making up to you.

view all comments…

charles_leclerc i am so proud of you for taking a stand, brother. y/n does not deserve any of this

lorenzotl fully behind the two of you 🤍

user1 arthur has had enough on all of your bullshits and it’s time yall knew it

user2 he let yall know he’s not afraid to throw hands

user3 where yall loud mouthed ass bitches now????

yourusername i love you more than words

⤷ arthur_leclerc i will love you better now, baby

user4 it’s always seemed so fucking stupid how much hates she gets for literally no reason

[c0llisiion]

“I love you.” - G.ST

Cr. _3aem on twitter/x for the pic

★pairing : gojo satoru + fem!reader

★genre : smut , slight angst , fluff(?)

★: clan leader!gojo , mean dom!gojo , dubcon/cnc , lots of crying, name calling, degrading, choking, slapping, gojo is a douchebag towards reader in the beginning, fluff at the end, aftercare — lmk if i missed any!

★W/C: 861

A/N: saw the comments under the first gojo post SO I WROTE A REDEMPTION 😍☝️ gonna be going on a break till the end of feb so 💔 i have so many clan leader gojo headcanons hehehe anyways enjoy!

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★ MDNI. Please refrain from reading if the topics make you uncomfortable. ☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

“Shit- fuck- look at you. So pathetic. Crying and whining. You better stop before I smack some sense into you.” He said, harshly as he thrusted into you from beneath. He had you bouncing on his long, thick cock while your hands clawed at his chest and shoulders. Head low, and hot tears fell on his broad chest. His hands tightened around your hips, keeping you in place while he pushed up into you at an inhumane rate.

“I told you to stop crying. What is the reason to cry? Is the dick too good?” He said darkly with a chuckle, landing a harsh slap on your reddening ass. This time, Satoru was particularly rough. And it was making you uncomfortable. You had no desire to do it. The feeling alone was making you feel weird. But you, of course, couldn't say anything because you were scared he would lash out at you, so you kept silent, letting your tears do the talking. Tears were staining your face. You looked like a mess, but that wasn't the concern at the moment. You yell in pain and shake your head. Satoru looked at you, amused. He knew something was off, but he ignored his intuition. Through tear-filled eyes, you glanced at his face. His face had a stern look. He scowled at your lack of response and tightened his grip on your hips, guaranteed to form bruises as he thrusted up into you harshly. He pulled you off his dick before slamming you back with great force. mouth flung open and eyes wide, choked-out cries slipping from your lips every second. “You wanna be all bratty right? Im gonna make you regret it.”

The pleasure quickly turned into pain as he continued fucking into you. Satoru now had you on your back, his hand wrapped around your neck, in a tight grasp as he pounded into you. He seemed to not get the signal that you weren’t enjoying it. “Gojo..!” You cried out as his cock hit a specific spot. Your hands were around his wrist, trying to push him away. “Quit resisting, bitch. I know you like it. Better stay still before I do something bad.” You shook your head, tears running down the sides of your face. Satoru slapped your face, which made your breathing stop for a second. “Take it, you stupid cunt. Take it. I know you can.” He said smoothing over your cheek. You nod out of fear and let him keep pounding into you.

After a moment, you reach your breaking point. It was just too much, and you were getting really uncomfortable. “G-gojo..” Your voice was soft and hoarse as you called out to him. Satoru was too immersed in the pleasure and ignored you. You call out to him once again. “Gojo.. i-i dont-“ “shut up.” That was all he said as he increased his speed. You cried out. “Gojo..! P-please..!” With every word you said, his pace and strength increased. “Satoru stop! I don’t like it! Stop it, please!” You screamed out, bursting into tears, making Satoru stop and look at you, astonished. You were not expecting his next move. Satoru immediately wrapped his arms around your body, pulling you closer to his sweaty body. He held your shaking body tightly towards himself. You were too out of it to process the embrace and just cried into his chest. His hands smoothed over your lower back. “Shh..shh..” he shushed you, kissing your forehead softly. This was the first time he ever showed you affection. His grip tightened. “Its fine.. you are safe with me. Dont cry. Im sorry..” he whispered into your ears. You couldn’t help but cry into his chest more. “Im gonna prepare us a bath… will that be okay with you?” He asked you tenderly. You nod and feel his warmth leave your side. He quickly wrapped you in his haori, put his pants back on, and walked out of the room. You heard him ordering his servants to prepare a bath immediately before he returned to your shared room. He sat in front of you and pulled you into his lap, hugging you tightly. “Its alright.. You are okay..” He kissed your head before picking you up in bridal style.

He slowly placed you in the warm water before getting in himself. His hands wrapped around your waist gently, pulling you closer to his chest. Your head lay on his chest as you sniffled and cried. Satoru was gently stroking your hair, not wanting to make you even more uncomfortable. “I..im- im sorry.. g-gojo” you managed to mumble out. Satoru shook his head, pulling you in closer. “No. Im sorry. I'm such an idiot. I'm so sorry. Are you okay? Why didn’t you tell me you were uncomfortable?” He asks you with concern. You nod. “I- i… was scared. Im sorry. Im sorry i was not able to-“ “shh..shh.. its alright. I'm glad you are feeling okay. That's the only thing that matters right now."

You nuzzle into his chest, loving the warmth of his body wrapped around you. Satoru sighed and kissed your forehead. “I love you.” 

A/N: HEHE THANK YOU FOR READING!!! Sorry if it seemed too rushed 😭 More clan leader gojo headcanons? 🤫🧏‍♂️

[dilfl0v3rss]

take it

summary: aran breaking your bad habit

cw: smutttt

word count: 1.8k

── ⋅⋅⋅ ────꒰ ୨ ♡ ୧ ꒱───────

it was a calm saturday night. you and aran were chilling on the couch in your own little worlds. the tv flashing constantly with different images as he played call of duty. face deep in concentration as he and who you assumed to be osamu and atsumu all spoke to each other through his mic. “you keep saying ‘push push’ but when we push we fucking die nigga. we not listening t’you no more tsumu.”

you were paying him no mind, leaning on the armrest as you sat with your feet facing him. phone in hand while tiktok videos played out loud in the living room. while you were scrolling, your attention was moved to a notification on the top of your screen.

emoni💋

twitter.com

look at this shit LMFAOOO

a smile crept to your face as you watched the video your friend sent you, trying your best not to bust out laughing in the middle of the living room.

me

LMFAOOO that’s definitely what she said😭

you continued to scroll through your twitter feed, watching and reading the comments on different posts, eventually getting bored. you thought to yourself “might as well add more to my collection” before making the stupid decision of going into your bookmarks.

your pussy thumped repeatedly in your shorts as you continued to torture yourself with watching video after video on some random homemade porn account. videos of this woman getting her shit tore up left and right. letting her lover do whatever it was that he desired while on camera. in a way it reminded you of how aran would do you. when’s the last time y’all had sex anyway?

your phone was discarded on the armrest as you began to crawl your way to aran’s side of the couch. it was normal that you’d want to cuddle during times like these so he had no problem with you straddling his lap while he continued his game. “you tired?” he asked, but you ignored him. slowly grinding your soaked shorts onto his print. you kept your face in the crook of his neck to keep him from seeing how desperate you looked right now.

aran was just about finish playing his game anyways, mic muted as he laid his controller next to him. the game was still on the home screen since osamu wanted to take a break for some snacks and atsumu wanted to go roll up. aran’s large hands gripped your ass, rubbing and spreading it until he felt your pussy leaking through the shorts on his fingertips. you moved your hips faster to try to distract him, but he was quick. holding your hips still before whispering in your ear.

“easy baby. ian even do nun so why you so wet like this?” his deep voice rumbled through his chest as he awaited your reply. now where you going to really tell your boyfriend that you got horny from watching porn? absolutely not, so you lied. “jus love you so much” you whined, trying your best to get the slightest bit of friction as he continued to hold your hips. aran was very observant, sadly, and he could already tell you were watching porn just by how you kept rubbing your thighs together while looking through the videos on your phone.

you grabbing your earphones didn’t help either, obviously doing so because you didn’t want him to hear. the icing on the cake was your damn glasses. the reflection clear as day every time he glanced in your direction to check on you. he could see every position the man had his wife in. every slap he brought to her ass as well as every time you moved your thumb to add a video to your bookmarks. it was only a matter of time before you came to him so he can fix your little “problem”.

“i love you more, but why you lying t’me?” he lightly pulled your head back before leaning over to grab your phone from the armrest. your horny ass didn’t even turn it off, the video still playing over and over again as he brought the screen to your face. “horny lil thing” he mumbled before abruptly moving you off of him. while he started pulling his sweats down you got the memo to do the same. shorts discarded on the floor as you sat in nothing but his shirt. “this what you want right?” he groaned. large hand stroking his length to life. “y-yea”

“then take it.”

your body moved on its own, quickly straddling him again before lining him up with your entrance. pretty brown eyes slowly rolling back as you sunk down on top of him. inch by thick inch of his long dick rubbing fluently against your tight walls. “fuckk” you moaned as you bottomed out on him. aran watched each of your pretty face expressions, holding a light smirk as he waited for you to start bouncing. “cmon mama. this your dick”

you eagerly got started, bouncing your pretty ass up and down as you caressed the nape of his neck. aran picked up his controller, closing up the game before opening netflix and putting on a show. he knew eventually you’d get tired and ask for his help, but he had other things in mind tonight.

you weren’t a lazy lover, but it’s been brought to his attention that you’ve been a little spoiled lately. you never really did anything for long before you’re complaining bout how tired you were and how he needed to help you. whether it be riding him or throwing it back. aran was sick of this behavior since sometimes it’d be you coming to him begging for some dick then barely even working for it. just laying under him or letting him fuck you from the bottom. he wasn’t going to let that happen tonight though. if you wanted this dick he wasn’t going to just keep giving it to you how you wanted, you were going to have to take it on your own.

it was only about ten minutes into the show where your pace slowed down almost to a stop. hips grinding on him as you whined in his ear. “i-i can’t” “yea you can mama. you gon have to if you wanna cum cause ian helping” you moved your head from his neck, staring him in the eyes with a sad expression on your face. aran could tell you were asking “why?” without even having to hear you say it. “daddy’s tired, but you can do it on your own, right pretty? can make yourself feel good without my help”

you shook your head at this. aran knew your body like the back of his hand, dick always touching places in you that you didn’t even know where there. you knew how to ride him, but it was much different from when he would help you. and you’d get so tireddd. you didn’t have time for that, huffing as you replied to him. “s’not gonna be as good without your help. i cant-”

“sh sh sh. ion wanna hear nun. get that nut on your own.” he didn’t want to hear your excuse. hands lightly gripping and tapping your ass. you sighed, starting back up to a slow pace. ass clapping repeatedly on his thighs as he continued to watch the show as if you weren’t there.

after about ten minutes, your legs began to feel as if they were on fire, tears flooding your eyes as you cried over aran’s shoulder. “p-please baby, i can’t d-do it on my ownnn” your salty tears were wetting up the back of the couch as you were grinding your hips down in his dick. no more energy in your legs for you to keep bouncing. “please fuck me” voice small as your crying quieted down to just sniffles and hiccups. aran didn’t realize how much he’s spoiled you until now, but he didn’t care.

“keep bouncing ma” was all he said, brown eyes glued to the tv, paying you no mind as you started crying and whining again. “s’not fairrr.” you stopped your hips completely, seated on his dick fully as you gave him a defiant look. aran looked down at your petty action, smirking before sliding his hand to your neck. his palm pressed against your throat as he lightly began to squeeze it. the next thing you knew, your face was snatched closer to his, ear right by his mouth as he spoke deeply. “keep bouncing that ass on me princess. if you stop before i tell you to, we gon have a problem y’hear me?”

your pussy instantly began to soak on his dick. his words making butterflies go wild in your stomach as you felt him release your neck and place both of his palms back on your ass. caressing and skin before helping give you a few warmup bounces before letting you continue the action on your own. you kept your pace slow, trying to save energy so you didn’t tire yourself out quickly. he didn’t mind this, liking the feeling of your wet walls slowly gripping and moving against his dick. his tattooed hands rubbing all over your back and ass while he kept encouraging you to keep going.

“uhh huhh jus like that princess”

“see? s’not that hard is it?”

“making daddy feel so good right now”

the praises made things easier, ass bouncing a little harder as you quickened your pace. aran’s bored and uninterested act broken as you listened to him moan under you, hips stagnant as he let you take whatever you needed from him. you started moving your hips in circles as you kept bouncing, dick hitting your sweet spot as moans flew from your lips as well. “feel s-so good shittt” you moaned as your wetness began to trickle down his shaft. your were tired as hell, but you knew if you tried to stop you’d get in trouble. deciding to stay on his good side tonight and pushing yourself to bounce even harder.

aran’s head flew back, adams apple bared to you as he roughly bit his lip. just the sight of him made your pussy flutter, bringing you closer to your climax as you picked up your pace again. you bounced quickly, chasing your orgasm as aran’s grip on your ass tightened. “there you go ma. take what you need. love when you listen t’me” his words pushed you over the edge.

you gave him three more hard bounces before your pussy began leaking all over the cushion. body spasming as his dick was fully soaked. you breathed heavily, try to catch your breath over him before you moved to get off. his big rough palms stooped you. inked hands gripping tight on your thighs. “wha-”

“you not done yet pretty, help daddy cum next.”

[chuusheartattck]

THAT’S THAT ME ESPRESSO (TTME)

Chapter 6- Apologies ☕️

You’ve woken up to the sounds of the birds chirping and the morning sun peaking in through the windows. You would’ve loved waking up in the giant room provided by Ayaka, if only you weren’t so violently hung over.

The feeling of being incredibly nauseous while remembering some of the memories from last night, started hitting you like a semi truck.

Why did you have to drink so much? You’re never drinking again.

You always say this but never actually stick through with your word.

You loved being drunk but hated the consequences that come the next morning. Your phone was buzzing with new messages. Have you always hated the sounds of notifications? Or was it the headache talking? Annoyed, you checked your phone.

Bergrudgingly, you got up. As soon as you stood up however, you felt like you needed to throw up.

Quickly, you rushed to the toilet. Expecting for something to come out. Nothing did.

“I hate being hungover.” You quickly muttered before making your way to the dining room.

You noticed everyone had arrived before you. They all looked like shit. Including you. Mona was in deep explanation of how she read Yae’s birthchart. Apparently the woman has a lot of baggage.

You sat down in between Hu Tao and Mona.

Ayaka handed you a bowl of miso soup, “It’s for your hangover. You look rough.” She smiles.

You quietly thank her. The miso soup looks good but were you able to eat this without throwing it back up? You took your chances and fed yourself.

Luckily you didn’t.

Before you could finish the soup, Hu Tao turned towards you.

“So are you going to explain what happened last night?” She questioned.

You cleared your throat and explained your experience at the party. From start to finish. Everyone had listened intently to your story. Someone would occasionally gasp.

.

.

.

“Well he sure does know how to act like he cares about someone.” Mona mentioned. Scaramouche is actually a good actor.

It seems like he practiced on you the most.

As you were showing the group the texts you sent to Scaramouche and Childe, your phone buzzed. It was a text from Childe. Everyone began freaking out.

“Shit what do I say??” You were panicking because you didn’t really expect him to answer.

“Maybe an apology?” Lynette suggested.

So fucking annoying.

He’s so fucking annoying.

How can he be like this? Why was he being like this? You heavily sighed. The audacity of this man.

Lynette looked up at you, “Is everything alright?”

You put your phone in the middle of the table and stood up.

“Yes. Everything is so perfect.” You replied sarcastically, “Ayaka thank you for the breakfast and sleepover. Have fun everyone reading those stupid ass texts. I’ll be getting ready to leave.”

When the words left your mouth, you walked away and towards the room you were sleeping in.

As you were packing up you heard a knock at the door.

It was Hu Tao. She was returning your phone.

“I’m so sorry Y/n. He’s such a big dick. You don’t deserve this. She pulled you into a hug.

“It’s ok, don’t worry about it. It’s how he is.” You reassured her.

She helped you pack the rest of your stuff.

You then said goodbye to everyone and got inside your car.

Masterlist II Previous II Next

A/N: Hi I’m back! Ik its been a few days but I haven’t been feeling the best so I took a while to update. I’m still sick but I feel better enough to update even if this chapter was a bit short. Another written chapter I hope you guys like it!! Also pls ignore the typo in furina’s text I meant to put ‘parties’ 😭

ALSOOO lmk if you guys want your users to be added to this au and i’ll make you a twitter user :)

Synopsis: You’re a new idol that just debuted under ‘Fontaine Entertainment’ with your new single ‘Espresso.’ You just graduated high school which means all your classmates are shocked to see you into stardom. Including your old situationship, who happens to be an actor.

Taglist: @skyoverkill1 @quacking-simp @lolmeowing @astro-stars @kaitfae @sl-vega @veekoko @scarawiki @yuminako @samyayaya @kur0kki @practicoi @kukikoooo @scaraenthusiast1 @shutingstar @lloovvv @moonjellyfishie @miy-svz @xionri @lalalaloveallmydays @hearts4lizzzz @kathiwis @state-of-grac3 @morgyyyyyyy

[lowkeyrobin]

MCYT with a reader who would literally get into a fist fight for them?? Literally, if someone even looks at them wrong reader will throw hands. It's literally that meme (Random person) "GET YO FUCKING DOG BITCH" (MCYT) "it don't bite" "YES IT FUCKIN DO-" I'm sorry I'm feeling silly 😔

OH MY FUCKING GOD I LOVE THIS PROMPT AND THE REFERENCE TO THIS MEME LMFAOOO OH MY LORD BSHWJRHEJJAJW ; very vine oriented so I apologize. you threw me into a loop referencing that

MCYT ; "anytime, anywhere, I'd beat a bitches ass for you"

includes ; tommyinnit, ranboo, badlinu, nihachu, slimecicle, quackity, & foolish gamers

warnings ; language, talk of blood/injuries, physical fighting, vine cringe because I got very carried away and you can tell

masterlist

TOMMYINNIT

he was one of those kids in high school that made light offensive jokes but would never fight anyone over anything, he's not a violent person at all other than in his jokes

but God forbid some random person look at you two weird in public, you're on their ass

you're more offended that they were judging Tommy at all, you couldn't care that they were judging you

"sorry, do you have a problem?" You squint your eyes at the person, "me and my boyfriend are just trying to shop and you keep following us around and staring, like, can I help you?"

just a teenage Karen

yall do take it outside when the motherfucker follows you out and begins to record you

you beat this fuckers ass to a PULP

Tommy's just holding the few bags of stuff you'd purchased staring down, jaw on the fucking floor like "Oh my God wtf do I do"

he had the vlog camera on so he kinda got it all on video before he pulled you away from the person

yall sprinted the hell away bc the security guards were running towards yall 😭😭

#neveridentified

#the person admitted guilt anyways and said they were planning to hurt you so no point in trying to track yall down for self defense

#i barely know the law shush

RANBOO

they just kind of accepted that you were like this

"I do not endorse violence unless you are y/n. I can't make them un-violent. I have tried, they're a vicious guard dog now"

hurricane Katrina? more like hurricane tortilla when you enter the building

yk the free style dance teacher vine? that'll be ranboo out in public and someone will stare at them all weird and you'll glare back

"walk away, walk away" you mumble, watching the person hurrily walk away as they see you like glaring daggers into their skull

your dynamic is the one vine that's like "Oh can I have a sip of your water?" and "It's not water or vodka, it's vinegar" "bitch what"

then you'll go make angsty edge lord posts to the one bojack horseman audio "I'm not a violent dog" and insert a clip of you beating the shit out of someone in high school

FREDDIE BADLINU

you post the "look at all those chickens" vine on your Twitter everytime you see a hate comment made for one of you

you love instigating fights w people online it's the funniest fucking thing

if you don't know how to reply to some dumbass edgelord response you'll just spam the guacamole vine until they shut up

"wait, why does y/n have so many soaps?"

"MIND YOUR FUCKIN BUISNESS DAVID"

Freddie's response to your violence is usually the saxophone seal vine. he genuinely laughs everytime he sees you fighting w someone online

sometimes you'll stream it while you wait for a response and while you're fighting online trolls who've been brainwashed by Twitter

"You're gay?!?!?!?11??11"

insert the "ms keisha dead" vine and the battle is over idk what to say

fight fire with fire I guess

NIKI NIHACHU

she hates yet loves that you'd fight ppl for her

oh, someone treated her wrong? you'll be trending on Twitter for fighting the person

#y/u/n will literally be at number 1 for a week

people edit the fight too

she appreciates it though, even though she doesn't exactly like to promote violence, she'll accept it from you

"Oh, don't worry about them, they're just a little... nervous around people sometimes"

"nervous? girl that mf is SNARLING at me"

you'll see a post that's like "me when someone tries to start shit w my s/o" and reply with the "hahaha I do that" vine

when I tell you she CACKLES reading online fights with people 😭🙏

CHARLIE SLIMECICLE

"get the F off my yard!" proceeds to have to drag you away from situations where someone's actin a little funny in a /neg way

he genuinely thinks you fighting people for him is funny

he'll tell the stories on stream and to his friends like "dude they fucked this guy up, I honestly feel bad for laughing"

honestly most the time it's people victimizing themselves

like that one meme where the lady very obviously and fakely falls over that bench on LIVE TELEVISION.

he's your biggest supporter

he's the old guy from that one vine of the kid singing "Oh wait a minute mister postman" and he does the whole ass high note

"here's y/n fighting someone for idk what because they're talking to the police 😋"

you're a problem at this point

QUACKITY

you've physically fought so many wild racists for him it's crazy

he'll gladly cheer you on

"AHHHH COME GET YO DOG BRO HELP"

"Oh it don't bite"

you proceed to bite the bitch

online fights are usually responded w the purple teletubby twerking meme

"L don't be a weak ass racist pussy next time"

you fight Logan Paul for some reason??? Twitter drama mostly

don't worry quackitys there to watch

17-3 don't worry... ehehehrhahahha

when he tells you that you need to stop instigating fights you send him the "They ask you how you are but you just have to say that you're fine when you're not really fine" meme BAHDNHAHA

FOOLISH GAMERS

"YOU KNOW WHAT DUDE? IM OUTTA HERE" vine in a nutshell with you two. I can't explain this but it makes sense I swear

"whatd you do to your eyebrows?" meme except its "Whyd you fight that person!?" "I don't really know!"

Twitter fights are like "and they were roommates!" "ohmygodtheywereroomates" I swear to fucking god

you love instigating shit with Twitter trolls

when you stand up for him/reply to edgelord haters for him he replies with the "country boy I love youuuuuuu" vine

"GIVE ME YOUR FUCKIN MONEY!" vine with the law and order intro is literallt how physical fights go

let's just say some stalker edgelords tracked you guys down at the streamer awards...

HE AND PUNZ GENUINLEY CHEER YOU ON

here you go trending on Twitter again

[ayyy-pee]

𝔼𝕡𝕚𝕤𝕠𝕕𝕖 𝟘.𝟝 - 𝕋𝕠𝕠 𝕄𝕦𝕔𝕙 𝕥𝕠 𝔻𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕜

Discord 18+ - Twitter - Next Episode

Pairing: JJK Men x Female Reader

Episode Summary: After a drunken night of binge watching your (least?) favorite show, you find yourself making a grave mistake.

STORY TWIST: READERS WILL VOTE AFTER CERTAIN CHAPTERS TO CHOOSE WHO GETS A ROSE AND MAKES IT TO THE NEXT WEEK. KEEP A LOOKOUT FOR THE VOTING LINK AT THE END OF CHAPTERS

Story Warning: DRAMA, lying and scheming, REVERSE HAREM, profanity bc I can only be me, arguments, fights probably, heartbreak and tears, (more to come)

Artist Credit: momoya348, Umbra3terna, ilameys,maoyaoyao519, _0_0219 Divider Credit: Cafekitsune (Tumblr)

A/N: IT'S FINALLY HEREEEEEE! I hope you guys enjoy this ride (that you're in charge of in later chapters!!!) I'll put up Episode 1 tomorrow after proofreading!!! <3

“God, this show is so stupid,” you mutter, shoving a handful of popcorn into your mouth while you get settled onto the couch.

“Please…It’s so bad, but I tune in to every season.”

You glance over when your friend reaches into your lap and dips her fingers into your bowl of popcorn and grabs a few kernels.

That was the perfect way to describe what was happening now. You’re currently huddled up on the couch, having spent the day binging the most recent season of The Bachelor until you’re all caught up. The new episode airs tonight and you’re eager to see who Joey ends up picking. Will it be Rachel? She’s gorgeous, funny, and her family seems to really get along with this season’s Bachelor. They have great chemistry. Or maybe it will be Daisy? Though you couldn’t see that working out. The girl is a total bore. Or it could be…what’s her name again? The one who looks a little bit like she could be his sister. Ah, whatever.

You’re not sure when you really began to even give a shit about this mess of a show. It’s corny. No one falls in love within a few weeks of knowing each other. And why does one man or woman need to date twenty people to find someone to marry? Are they that unlikeable in the real world? Not to mention, it’s totally unrealistic. Do these relationships even work out once the cameras cut off? Unlikely. You find the entire premise of the show downright stupid.

And yet, you can’t tear your eyes away as this season’s Bachelor takes each girl out on an extravagant date that…you can’t lie, you would love to be on.

Dancing in Malta? Sunbathing on a yacht off the coast of Spain? Getting to see Niagara Falls up close? Sign you up. You don’t think you would stand a chance being the object of everyone’s affection, but you could definitely milk being a contestant for free trips and good food.

“Why can’t he see that Rachel is the best pick here? Ugh, annoying. You know he’s going to give what’s-her-name the last rose.” Your friend downs her wine in one swig and you don’t bother to hold back the laugh bubbling in your chest. She’s all red faced. You’re not sure if it’s from how passionate she is about the show or from the two empty bottles of merlot she’s managed to down practically on her own, but the glowing hue it gives her highlights the thick scar across her face. A product of her line of work, and said line of work being the reason she’s guzzling wine in the first place.

“Maybe take it easy on the drinks, Utahime.”

She hiccups next to you, slouching in her seat. “I haven’t even had that much to drink!”

“You’ve had most of the wine just on your own!”

“Oh my god, you have one or nine glasses of wine and suddenly you’re wasted,” she mutters sarcastically. “I’m fine.”

You roll your eyes, because you know there’s no going back and forth with her stubborn ass when she starts drinking. 

The living room dims for about three seconds before it lights back up, the show now having gone on commercial break. The rose ceremony is next and despite shit-talking the show only ten minutes ago, you’re eager for the commercials to wrap up so you can see who goes home. It better not be Rachel. You use this brief intermission to go and get some water for yourself but mostly Utahime so she can sober up.

This has been your routine for the last few weeks. Every Monday night, Utahime comes over, peels you out of your bed and forces you on the couch to chug alcohol and watch this ridiculous show. While you find the entire premise of the show nonsensical, you’re grateful for the time it’s given you with Utahime.

You’re fairly new to the Kyoto area and Utahime was the first person you’d met on your first day at your new – how can you put this? – unique job. You see, you and Utahime both work in the field of Jujutsu sorcery. But there’s about where your similarities in the field stop.

Utahime is an active Sorcerer. She’s an instructor raising up the next generation of Sorcerers, building them up so that they can one day join the frontlines to protect the unaware non-Sorcerers of Japan. She’s strong– a grade 1 Sorcerer. Quite impressive. She could easily knock a curse’s head off if she wanted to.

But you? Well, while Utahime is at the top of the ranks of Jujutsu society, you are what some would refer to as a bottomfeeder – an unranked, unimportant, lowly Window. You’re someone who has just enough cursed energy to see a curse. But can you do anything about them? Not unless you want to end up in the nearest trauma center. So if you’re smart, you’ll do your job and whip your phone out to report it so that the real Sorcerers can handle it.

You’ve been in this field for several years now, but working outside of the major cities of Japan. Transferring to Kyoto was your idea of wanting something new and different. Utahime had quickly taken you under her wing. You were certain it was because she took pity on you. A weak, barely gifted Window. But as time went on, you came to realize that that was just Utahime. She was kind and funny, and had a good heart. Well, except when it came to –

“Hey!” Utahime calls from her spot on the couch. You can hear a slur in her words as she speaks and you know she’s opened yet another bottle of wine from who knows where. “Come here! Look at this!” You peer at the television from the doorway of your kitchen and see Utahime has it paused on a very ugly ad. It’s bright white with a background full of red rose petals across the screen. Your eyes roam over the words.

“THE SEARCH IS ON FOR THE ELIGIBLE WOMEN WHO ARE READY TO FIND TRUE LOVE! DO YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW HAVE THE CHARM, STYLE, AND PERSONALITY TO BE OUR NEXT STAR? IF SO, APPLY OR NOMINATE SOMEONE NOW!”

“Will you hurry up? Come look!” Utahime demands, messily pouring more wine into her glass. But it looks like a normal advertisement to you, so you’re not entirely sure what has Utahime’s interest so piqued.

She beckons you again, yelling “Come here!” So you quickly grab a couple bottles of water from your fridge and head back. Utahime is pointing insistently at the screen. “Look. Look really hard.”

You follow the path where her finger points, shuffling closer to the t.v. to get a clearer look. It takes a moment for you to see it, like really see it, but it’s definitely there. Underneath the last line, hidden from the eyes of those unable to see the horrors that you and those like Utahime can, is another message. You fall to your knees, eyes glued to the tiny additional message floating beneath, glowing with cursed energy that reads, “JUJUTSU SorcererS PREFERRED”. 

Confusion slowly takes over your features, the corners of your lips turning down with a frown, a brow arched and skepticism in your eyes. Were you missing something? Was this some sick joke? Were Jujutsu Sorcerers huge fans of The Bachelor or something? You spin around to face your friend who has a look of mischief twinkling in her eyes. You know it all too well, mouth falling open and a finger pointing when you scream “NO” at the exact moment Utahime yells “YOU SHOULD APPLY!”

“Absolutely not!” You must be looking at Utahime like she’s grown two more heads because she looks just as confused as you.

“Why not?! You’d be great on there!”

Maybe she hasn’t grown two more heads. Maybe her brain was swapped while you were in the kitchen because why the hell was she suggesting this?

“Well, for starters, I’m not really looking to date.”

Utahime rolls her eyes, as if that’s just not a good enough excuse. You should just ignore her, snatch the remote from her hand and hit play so you can get back to the show and see who this guy chooses to potentially get engaged to. But for some reason (could be the single drop of wine your friend allowed you to have while she downed the rest), you feel the need to keep listing off reasons to not sign up. “Secondly, I– why would I even want to go on this show?”

Utahime sips her wine, eyes low as she falls into her drunkenness, but you can still see the sparkle of mischief in those brown hues…and it scares you. So you keep talking, chatting away and listing excuse after excuse to your friend, eventually finding yourself back on the couch trying to drive your final point home.

“Besides, they want Sorcerers.” This seems to get Utahime’s attention again, makes her set her glass down as she looks at you.

“I’m sure it’s fine. You are a Sorcerer.”

“I’m a Window.”

“Semantics. You can see curses, can’t you?” Utahime argues.

“...yes.” You shift uncomfortably in your seat. “But I can’t do anything about them.”

It’s not something you should be ashamed of, but there’s just the tiniest bit of you that is ashamed. Because being able to see these monsters and not having the power to do anything about them…well, it feels like a curse in and of itself.

To this, she sighs. “Sorcerers, Windows. They’re just terms used by the higher-ups to keep their stupid, fucked up heirarchy intact.”

You know it’s the wine that’s loosened her tongue. In public, Utahime would not dare to speak so freely. The Jujutsu politics in Kyoto were a lot stricter than they were in Tokyo. Not that that said much anyway. The politics were shit regardless. But Utahime worked closely with those connected to the higher-ups, so outside of this little bubble in your apartment, she kept pretty hush hush about her true feelings.

You watch Utahime closely as she fiddles with her wine glass. She really is beautiful. You think she’d be incredible on a show like this. Which gives you the idea.

“What don’t you apply?”

Utahime leans back, a cackle so loud and abrupt leaving her tiny body.

“No way. I would never date any of these Sorcerers.”

“And you want me to?!” You ask incredulously. You don’t know whether to be offended or not.

Your friend fixes you with a deadpan stare. “You don’t know them the way I do. The only good one out of all of them is Nanami Kento…and Shoko.” She mutters the last name quietly, like it’s a secret that she thinks so highly of her. And maybe it is a secret…the way she feels about the doctor in Tokyo who you couldn’t help but notice has Utahime’s cheeks glowing red whenever she’s mentioned.

“Besides,” Utahime continues. “If I signed up for this and got paired with Gojo –” she shudders at the mere thought of being near the man. “I don’t think I’d be able to keep myself from projectile vomiting just at the prospect of having to kiss him.”

It’s your turn to laugh obnoxiously now, because – “Why the hell would the strongest Sorcerer in a thousand years sign up for this shit? You don’t think he has anything better to do? Like, you know…keep all of Japan safe?”

“Satoru Gojo does whatever Satoru Gojo wants.”

You can’t argue with that. Utahime would know best. She did grow up with him after all. She knew him well. You’ve never met the man, being just a Window, you doubt you ever will. Out of all the Sorcerers, you’ve only ever met Utahime and Principal Gakuganji. You’ve never even met any of the students. You all run in different circles, but that doesn't mean you don’t keep up with the going-ons of the Jujutsu world. Everyone knows Satoru Gojo.

“You should really sign up, though,” Utahime suggests once more. “You might meet a good person. If anything, you’ll get a good vacation out of it.” With that, she stands. It’s clear that the wine is hitting her again, because she wobbles clumsily to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

If it’s anything like every other week before this, you’ll be peeling Utahime out of your bathtub because she will have inevitably fallen asleep.

Your eyes fall back on the hidden message on the television, reading it over and over before you finally just hit play and let the finale finish.

Joey chooses whatever that girl’s name is. You’re only halfway paying attention because against your better judgment, you’re actually thinking about applying to this. But you think the show is stupid, right? Why would you waste your time? But what if Utahime is right? What if you do meet someone? It’s not that you’re against dating. You’re just not actively in the market for romance because you’ve found that dating non-Sorcerers is more stress than it’s worth.

The constant obligation you feel to regulate their emotions so you can avoid the creation of a cursed spirit that you’ll have to call in and do paperwork for? Exhausting. Not to mention, if you ever grew to truly love this person, you’d be overwhelmed with guilt if a curse manifested and harmed them in any way and you couldn’t do anything but watch in horror as you made a phone call.

You’d never really given any thought to it, but perhaps dating a Sorcerer is what you needed. You could end up meeting an amazing man!

But also, semantics or not, you were not technically a Sorcerer. You were simply a Window. Why the hell would an actual Sorcerer want to be with you? Better yet, what were the chances of this show even choosing you as their next Bachelorette?

- - - - - -

Apparently, the chances were extremely high, because one phone call, four video interviews, a nearly five hour drive from Kyoto to Tokyo, and days of promotional video and photo shoots later, you find yourself standing outside of the Bachelor Mansion, donning the most expensive gown that money could buy.

This is not what you expected. Not at all. There is so much going on. You want to run and hide from every single camera you see being propped up. You want to curl into yourself when the lights come on and the director calls, “Action!” And you see some man you’re just meeting for the first time approaching as he speaks directly to the camera.

“...and she’ll be making history tonight as The Bachelorette’s first Jujutsu Sorcerer,” you hear him tell the camera as he stops just a few feet short of you. Tall, blonde and handsome. He looks like an American football player. “I’m Jesse Palmer, ladies and gentleman. Now, let’s meet our Bachelorette!”

He turns to you, wearing a bright smile. The cameras follow, moving closer to catch a close-up of your face, so you smile as naturally as you can and try not to flinch when Jesse moves forward to embrace you in a swift hug.

Jesse calls your name as though you’ve been friends for a long time. “So nice to finally see you. You look great.”

The camera pans down your body and back up to your face. “Likewise, Jesse.”

“How’re you feeling?” he asks.

“I’m nervous! Definitely nervous, but feeling good! I’m so excited for this,” you lie. You’re dreading this process. But it’s too late to back out now. So you just hold your smile, conversing politely as Jesse makes small talk and gets to know you before the first contestant pulls up.

And you hope that if Utahime is watching, she sees the message behind your eyes screaming that you’re absolutely going to kill her.

[neiptune]

aot boys x guilty pleasures

a/n: this is me being self indulgent and having a lil fun so forgive the shitposting but also feedback is always appreciated mwah

eren loves the shit out of nature documentaries you'll leave him alone one saturday night and you'll come back to find him sprawled on the couch watching life of mammals or some shit on netflix lmao you'd be on a date and he'd get suddenly excited enough to hit you with random facts like “btw did you know that the average blood pressure of a giraffe is around 300/190?” he'd literally barge in rooms with a “babe omg hummingbirds are like the only birds that can fly backwards” and you'd just be sitting on the toilet with a very unimpressed look but he's cute 12/10 would make a good park ranger or whatever

armin is lowkey obsessed with youtubers like he legitimaly sits down and watches hours on end of unboxing/reaction videos or travel vlogs jfc and it's always the dumb stuff ya know like person x unboxing the same phone in 10 different colors or person y reacting to drake's new single and THAT controversial lyric. it's exhausting really he'd be in bed at 3am still going through chrissy's 27 min travel vlog about some bali vacation gone wrong and don't even get me started on drama and internal feuds or breakups oh my god he has a whole playlist of breaking my silence videos on youtube to keep track of who's said what so he can pick the best side

you've introduced jean to the world of fandoms and fanfiction and at first he was all like nah that's too weird but now he has his own ao3 account and eats the weirdest most hilarious shit up, will also use acquired terms in the wrongest way like you'd be watching bridgerton together and he'd suddenly nod to himself with a OOOO TRIGGER WARNING THEY BOUT TO FUCK lmao he's obsessed tbh his twitter is filled with commentary on random chapters he's screenshot and that I WILL GO DOWN WITH THIS SHIP titanic gif posted over and over again like no honey you will not we've moved past that 10 years ago

oh god connie is such a chronic playlist creator he'd have one for EVERYTHING and he genuinely spends hours selecting the perfect most appropriate songs and titles for each one, you best believe before you first started dating he's made one for you called “i like you idgaf about your boyfriend” which came with a weird ass mix of sweet stuff like just the way you are by bruno mars and cash shit by megan thee stallion lmaooo he's so random he thinks he's good at it too and you don't have the heart to tell him that “get down dirty bedroom sexy lapdance music” ain't a good title. it's kinda attractive that he's not a music snob tho like he'd be blasting country music classics while cooking, rap mixtapes when he's taking a shower or full on broadway showtunes when driving, he also has a cute voice that cracks on higher notes but it secretly turns you on how deep in the moment he is while screaming to defying gravity in the car

levi gets a weird kick out of serial killer documentaries or real footage of their interviews/trials, also listens to A LOT of true crime podcasts and TAKES NOTES about the most interesting cases to check if he'd be able to solve the unsolved ones and he'd always test you as well? you'd be reading a book in bed and he'd plop next to you with a dead serious look on his face asking shit like “would you help some random guy with a cast on his arm carry his bags?” 🤨 out of the blue like ?????? baby that's kinda weird can you not but it's really just him trying to flex his big big brain thank fuck he's not an actual cop he'd be insufferable (and way less hot)

to absolutely no one's surprise reiner's guilty pleasure has to do with you, the man's all about you (and hockey), you've asked him to take a bath with you once and now not a single motherfucking week goes by without him looking at you big big puppy eyes asking “bath???” most evenings after work. it doesn't even have to lead to anything he's just content basking in warm water and bubbles with you in his lap, he gets to massage shampoo into your scalp if you want to wash your hair and is now a pro at creating the perfect atmosphere with oils and dimmed lights and omg don't even get me started on candles, he's memorized your favorite scents and now also has his own preferences, catch him walking around a yankee candle store at least twice a month, girls working there ask this big scary grumpy guy if he needs help and he'd reply with the softest most polite & specific hi hello yes actually i need to stock up on sparkling cinnamon and snow globe wonderland tyvm

porco 100% checks his naked self out in the mirror lmaooo i know this shouldn't count as something people wouldn't believe he'd do but it's kinda a guilty pleasure i guess??? he finds putting clothes on a lil depressing and knows he's hot. sometimes you'd catch him doing that after showering and the man would be so fucking thirsty for compliments cause what is he supposed to do with muscles and abs and prominent biceps if you won't drool over them a little? he's annoying & also gets soooo whiny if you don't indulge him like :( do you not think your dashing boyfriend is cute :( while flexing, also always tries to convince you to take your clothes off as well for “inspection purposes” to which you simply flick his forehead lol whether you end up pressed against that very mirror 10 minutes later it's between you and him xoxo

[luvrrgirl444]

chapter 21: would u rather ft eren

IRL, INSTAGRAM!

“yo, wassup guys!” connie screamed into the camera. he was sitting in the passenger seat of jean’s car, as usual.

“today we’re back in the car-”

“-my car” jean interrupted.

you, connie and sasha all rolled your eyes.

“anyway, we’re back in jean’s car for would you rather part two, and we’ve got a not so special guest”

“you fucking cunt!” eren shouted from the backseat. he was sat behind connie, with his arm around you. you were sat in between him and sasha. connie mocked eren and flipped him off.

you rolled your eyes. “as this dumbass was saying, today we’re here with eren. aka photography guy. aka that one hot drummer. aka-.”

“bro can you thirst for him on twitter and not in the car.” connie said, gagging.

“not even thirsting, just being real.” you shrugged, making eren chuckle.

“someone spay this motherfucker.”

“shut the fuck up, we didn’t even mention what we’re eating today.” jean interrupted, once again. “sash?”

“today, we’re eating chick-fil-a! because eren’s never had it. allegedly.”

“allegedly?” he questioned.

“yes. anyway, we’ll see you when we get the goods.” sasha said, smiling.

🫧

“WE GOT THE FUCKING GOODS” sasha screamed. “now, we’re gonna get the questions and get this shit started.”

jean pulled out his phone and went into instagram to find the questions.

“alright. would you rather be hot and stupid or ugly and intelligent?”

“hot and stupid” connie responded. “i already am.” he smiled.

“delusional ass” jean replied.

“y’all, please stop gassing connie’s ugly ass up.” you said.

“y’all not funny.” he rolled his eyes.

“ugly and intelligent is obviously the right choice.”eren said.

“definitely.”

“DICKRIDER” connie shouted.

“bitch shut up. as i was saying, those scientist paychecks are heavy. if i’m getting paid millions, i wouldn’t give a fuck about how i looked.” you agreed.

“bitch think she mariah the scientist.”

you rolled your eyes and pulled connie’s ear. “you want me to beat your ass so bad.”

“hot and stupid. i could literally get a modeling job and i’d be rich too.” sasha argued, before taking a sip of her milkshake.

“okay, thats valid.” jean said. “nobody wants to be fucking stupid tho.”

“id rather be stupid than ugly.” connie piped in.

“you’re already both tho?” you said, making everyone giggle, except for connie.

“imma need you to choke on that chicken.”

“moving on.”

“would you rather be bald or have no teeth.” jean read out. “bald. no hesitation.”

“definitely bald, i could literally just wear wigs and nobody would know. those human hair wigs go crazy.” you said.

“being bald is crazy. i’m having no teeth and getting dentures.”

“connie, you’re literally one shave away from being bald” sasha told him. “i’m going bald too, i need my teeth.”

“my hair is my best feature. i’m getting dentures with connie.” eren said.

“my motherfucking man!” connie shouted and dapped eren up.

“you two are fucking insane.” jean grimaced.

🫧

you guys did about 5 more would you rathers before ending the video.

“thats all for today guys, hope you enjoyed us screaming like children! see you in the next video!”

the recording ended there. a black screen then followed, with the question “would you rather choke and die or subscribe to bigcheese4000?” on it.

liked by lifearlert, mikasackerman & 456,777 others

👤 jaegerbomb

bigcheese4000 new video ft eren out now run it up 🔥🔥🔥🔥

comments

jaegerbomb CONNIE WTF IS THIS

⤷ user220 the way he instantly knew it was connie ECVEEVHWHW

jaegerbomb ugly picture n i still look better than you @conman69

⤷ conman69 WOAH???????

⤷ planetyn CLOCK HIS TEA BAE

⤷ bigcheeseluvr4 STOP I LOVE THEM

sashluvsfood chick fil a 🤤

⤷ horseface fatass

user111 eren’s arm around y/n??? IM SCREAMING

user2020 i need jean

⤷ jeansbbygirl333 so bad

hotgirlsloveyn WE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE

planetyn the tattoos im screaming

⤷ user20 “someone spay this mf”

user500 new bigcheese video with EREN???? ABOUT DAMN TIME

view 43.2k others..

🫧

- the way i’ve been neglecting my og series omg..

taglist <3 : @greeniegreengreen @bakuhoes-bxtch @itzgabz22 @princess-jaeger @marsandsaturn @violenthots @roses-arerosies @conniesbbymama @llovergirlll @iheartamajiki @clipperlighter @liliorsstuff-blog @hoohoohope @akvrae @rinslutz @miniaturelunar @sheluvzeren @shigamiryuk @chamomilespetal @booistoleyou @asp7n @heartz444anna @thatartistshar0n @vintagexparker @tsukkisukkii @venusinx @seeingivy @cyberkitty1 @anitatvd @blamemef0rit @crvzy-fujoshi

[bunnyathy]

my favorite and funny silly headcannons (not rlly) and ooc ideas about the batfamily:

Damian Wayne:

- has a dedicated social media accounts for his pets. he gets income and sponsorship from luxury pet brands all the time because of it. he doesn’t really care about the money he’s just happy his pets get to have free stuff that give them a better and spoiled life.

- bro’s a gen alpha he’s probably a brainrot humor kind of kid but he hides it well but it comes out at random times

- he’s a dedicated hater, he loved kendrick lamar’s drake diss songs

- his personal/ official Damian Wayne tiktok account is literally just a hate page for his brothers (but in an endearing way he still loves them)

- prefers watching reels over tiktok bcs of the funny comments and the unhinged reels that come out there

- Damian Wayne is a weeb… he was absolutely there during the Anime tiktok lockdown era (if he was even born yet idk) so he knows all the cringe weeb shit.. he quotes it at random times….

- Damian was strictly shoujo mangas and anime but Jon showed him My Hero Academia and he LOVED it. he respects Koda and likes his quirk. MHA was one of the only mangas he read that’s not shoujo lol. (lets ignore the part where there was official damian wayne art where there was a chainsaw man manga with him (i dislike csm))

- he probably did one of those kpop pc decora things out of a printed picture of his fave anime character cough bakugo and tamaki suoh cough (he got influenced by flatline nika)

- he most likely listens to Twice bcs Flatline suggested it to him (this is not bcs I am a once (yes it is))

Batfam:

- to be able to keep up with Brucie Wayne’s diva it boy appearance he occasionally does those derma clinic facials and time to time he invites his kids. Stephanie absolutely is always with him, Cass as well but she’s only there because Steph seems to love it so she’ll always do what Steph loves. It came to a point where Tim Drake, Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson, Duke Thomas started to become pretty boys (Jason is not there he could not stand Brucie persona)

- there has been rumors of Brucie Wayne having a bbl and to prove them all wrong Brucie posted a gym workout where his focus was his ass. lets just say BRUCIE JUICY ASS?? on twitter was trending and the kids HATED it. maybe haha certain heroes liked it a little more than others lmfao

- Damian got hyperfixated on into the spiderverse and across the spiderverse he forced his whole family to rewatch it with him

- Jason got asked to come over to the manor by one of the siblings and took a sneaky pic of his whole body just to put it in one of those “dance if you love your family” ai dancing thing on tiktok. he never came back to the manor….

- Tim and Damian have this online feud in tiktok where they comment unhinge and insulting comments to their public official account each other but ofc its filtered so it can cross the tos. Damian once commented “I hope to see you hanging in the streets” and almost got banned from tiktok

- whenever any of the fam asks something from Cass that she doesn’t wanna do she goes “sorry I’m mute” (she takes advantage of her not so disability) Stephanie taught her that she said it would be funny. it works sometimes bcs the other was probably too tired to notice or just goes along bcs they think Cass learning gen Z humor is funny.

aight ive ran out of ideas they were just mostly damian and batfam AHAHAHAH

[norrizzandpia]

this is about oscar? part 3 but its freak by doja cat 🙏🏻

I fear y/n has released an entire album this time lol @golden-flora

The Album (OP81)

Summary: She’s done singles, one song at a time about her and Oscar’s sex life, but, now, she’s ready for a whole album.

Warnings: dirtiest one of the series, sexual discussions, Oscar being cocky

Note: THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF THE WHO IS OSCAR PIASTRI SERIES IS HERE EVERYONE!!!! Hope you like it, i added some new things. First, as you know, y/n releases an album here, but, also, at the end, instead of smau, it’s just a regular story abt them on a podcast 🤭

y/nnn Oscar, the album, out tonight with a track list of Freak, Agora Hills, Dick, and Pussy Poppin 🤭

Comments:

Mclarensgirly SHE NAMED THE WHOLE THING OSCAR IM FUCKING CRYING

F1fan2023 using a photo McLaren took is cray

- y/nnn say it with me everyone: he looks hot!

- Mclarensgirly he looks hot!

- ln4andop81 he looks hot!

- f1fan81 he looks hot!

landonorris plz. plz don’t release it. I’ve never felt terror like this in my entire life after seeing that track list

- y/nnn don’t you put your life on the line every weekend to drive a car?

- landonorris yes.

oscarpiastri anyone want to come to the listening party?

- Danielricciardo no.

- landonorris absolutely fucking not

- logansargeant YOU THINK IM GOING TO BE LISTENING TO THESE???

- y/nnn y’all are some fake ass bitches

oscarpiastri haha have fun everyone!!!

- ln4andop81 mans is enjoying himself

- oscarpiastri more than enjoying myself

- landonorris like I’ll literally kill you

—

TWITTER

Mclarensgirly i would just like to say that this is the man all those songs are about

- ln4andop81 i mean she did say “tied him down to my queen bed” in freak so that pic does fit the sub allegations

- f1fan2023 she also said “love it when he hit and smack too” in agora hills

- Mclarensgirly also said “hold me down, when a hole need dick”

- f1fan81 also said “he want a quickie, let him lick me, then I started gasping. The way his tongue be going crazy, you wouldn’t imagine. I let him stick me, hair got frizzy, I might let him crash it”

- Mclarensgirly also said “He put that woo all down my throat until i started coughing.”

- ln4andop81 OKAY OKAY I GET IT 😭

- ln4andop81 but also like… lets talk abt it

- Mclarensgirly IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS

- f1fan2023 “he like it when i bend it over and i arch my back. He tap me on my shoulders, i said ‘yeah, i like that’” YOURE KIDDING.

- ln4andop81 i envision that in my head at night

- Mclarensgirly oh?

- ln4andop81 moving on! “Pull the panties to the side, watch a movie and make it two. We just finished number one, but I’m ready for round two” YUM.MY.

- F1fan81 sometimes i wonder if I’m jealous of Oscar or jealous of y/n

- Mclarensgirly real.

- ln4andop81 we also need to talk about Dick bc she literally goes “i met the boy in the 6, but measurements wasn’t a six” UHHHHHHH

- f1fan2023 it baffles me that he’s packing that seriously

- ln4andop81 nothing baffles me when it comes to that boy now that y/n sang “When I made a little mess on it, he told me to clean my act up” BRUHHHH THATS FUCKING HOT AS SHIT

- Mclarensgirly “Skirt up, fuck in the backseat. Take that shirt off, baby, put it on me. Got me like ‘yeehow’, ride it like a horsey. Kinda like seesaw, up and down on the D, give it to him” McLaren’s kicking and crying rn bc they know they cant take their car back from Oscar after y/n confirmed they christened it

- f1fan2023 okay okay but can we talk about “suck a little dick in the bathroom” in agora hills (slay song btw i ate that shit up)

- ln4andop81 YEAH BC IM GOING TO NEED SOME MORE INFO THAN THAT. WHEN. WHERE. WHAT.

- F1fan81 i bet your ass it was in the mtc

- ln4andop81 or in the Australian Grand Prix paddock remember when no one could find him after the face was over and all he said he was with y/n? SHE HAD TO HAVE BEEN GIVING HIM CELEBRATORY HEAD

- Mclarensgirly honestly? They prob did it in both

- oscarpiastri mhm

—

Oscar and Y/n sat next to each other on the soft sofa of the studio. They giggled with the podcast host as she said their introduction.

“Breaking the internet right now with their sex life, Oscar Piastri and Y/n Y/l/n! Hi, guys, welcome.” Samantha, the host, spoke to them.

Y/n and Oscar mumbled pleasantries, their legs squished together even with all the space to Y/n’s left. The woman was quick to getting into the topic of conversation, having already discussed boundaries with the couple before the cameras started rolling.

“So, Y/n, you’ve just released a small album that focuses mostly on Oscar and the things you two get up to in the bedroom. Were you ever nervous to share these songs with the world?”

Y/n nodded, “At first, yeah, all the way back when we started with 34+35, but it got easier once I saw the overwhelming support for it. I think the best part about releasing them is seeing the jokes that the fans make about Oscar and that side of him.”

Samantha smiled, “That leads me to my next question, Oscar, were you ever nervous to have people know about that side of you? Seeing as it was such a shocker.”

He laughed as he adjusted his position, throwing an arm around his girlfriend, “Um, well, I didn’t think it was that shocking. We didn’t expect people to go haywire over hearing that I lean more towards the dominant side. We kind of assumed people inferred that.”

Samantha’s jaw dropped, “Really?! Oh! I’ll be honest, I was quite surprised when I heard it.”

Y/n shook her head, “I don’t know, I guess the way Oscar is in front of cameras is drastically different from how he actually is. He’s still very soft spoken and quiet, but a bit more outgoing.”

Samantha nodded as she glanced over her next question, “Oscar, what’s your favorite song off this album?”

“Oh, I am so ready for this. Agora Hills.” He answered immediately, smiling proudly at the others in the room.

Y/n turned to look at him, “Really?! Why?!”

His head leaned from side to side, “Just, it’s more romantic? I mean, you talk about tying the knot alongside the sex stuff.”

Y/n and Samantha laugh at his comment, Samantha agreeing, “No, I see what you’re saying. Y/n, you do say you want to show him off multiple times throughout the song.”

“Because I do!” She exclaimed, leaning into her boyfriend lovingly.

He kissed her temple, listening intently to Samantha.

“Your interactions with the fans are hilarious. Do you guys look forward to fucking with them?”

“Hell yeah!” Oscar exclaimed, “Once I caught wind of the fact that they didn’t think I did shit in the bedroom, I became very obnoxious when rubbing what happens between Y/n and I in their faces.”

Y/n cooed jokingly, “Aw, Osc, was your masculinity damaged?”

He rolled his eyes at her, laughing at her dig and pushing her away softly. They came back together, though.

“Before we move on from this subject, I want to ask Y/n, was the over six inches comment really true?” Samantha eyed her as Y/n glanced beside her at Oscar, silently asking him if she could do what he knew she wanted to do.

He nodded at her, shaking his head lightly as she said, “A lady never kisses and tells.”

Silence passed as she raised her hands and aimed them around nine inches apart. Winking suggestively at the camera, the women in the room gasped.

“IS THAT NINE INCHES?!” Samantha screamed, causing all of them to fall into a fit of giggles.

Y/n brought the microphone to her mouth and whispered, “Oh, yeah, it is.”

[agendabymooner]

here comes the sun ! daniel r. x ofc (måneskin member!ofc)

“little darling, the smile’s returning to their faces.”

summary: daniel and their fans (altogether) made sure that lorelei ‘lester’ ricciardo’s weeks of return in both the paddock and stage are bearable as their son, beau, made his presence known to the public a year after being born.

OR lester continues to prove that she'll always be with the tifosi first and be a red bull driver's wife after.

content warning: dad!daniel x mom!ofc content, red bull and ferrari admins being themselves (again), baby ric/little parmesan’s paddock debut, fluff fluff fluff, grid uncles and måneskin uncles, arthur leclerc being a piece of shit on twitter but i love him or sumn like that

note: i’m back from a lecture mwehehehe. check out the prequel for the rush series, own my mind!! enjoy xx

masterlist

danielricciardo posted a story !!

tagged loricciardo, maneskinofficial, _thomasraggi, ethaneskin, ykaaar

liked by ethaneskin, charles_leclerc, scuderiaferrari

user1 MOOOOOMMY 😍🥵

user2 do y'all ever wonder if charles had a crush on her?

user3 where did that even come from?

user2 idk he's been listening to them for as long as he knew them lmfaooooo it's just a question

user4 drivers in the attendance were charles, lando, max and pierre (with danny ofc) btw

user5 oh bless 🙏

charles_leclerc watching the concert was one thing but to experience it firsthand with the little parmesan was incredibly priceless liked by danielricciardo

landonorris in the end, little par is THE VIBE. no exceptions liked by danielricciardo

oscarpiastri saw little par kick a football in monza 👌 he can still make it to the socceroos team liked by danielricciardo

danielricciardo he's bout to be australia's pride

colabebe you're half italian, danny. if you're half and lester's full, bambino beau is 3/4 😽

oscarpiastri i refuse to accept these ideals, cola. i'm sorry. once an aussie, always an aussie

scuderiaferrari she's so back, welcome her 😭😍

redbullracing she is the moment your honour 🤭

ykaaar nice to see you again dan! not that i don't see your insufferable ass every other week 🤔 liked by danielricciardo

danielricciardo you're making me really sad with these claims, damiano 🥲

ykaaar do u want me to kiss it better 🤕

loricciardo omg my biggest fans 🥺 liked by danielricciardo

loricciardo i love you and the little bear soooo much 🥰 liked by danielricciardo

danielricciardo my favourite musician 🤩

tagged loricciardo

liked by charles_leclerc, lewishamilton, maxverstappen1

landonorris slee🅱️y boys liked by danielricciardo

colabebe LOOK AT MY LITTLE NEPHEW !!!! beau beaaaaar!!! 🐻 liked by danielricciardo

nora_alessandro such handsome boys!!! 😍 liked by danielricciardo

georgerussell63 excuse me, ma'am? 🤨

danielricciardo go back to your tea, my dear brother-in-law georgerussell63

georgerussell63 🙄

user1 DADDY RIC!!!!

maxverstappen1 daddy ric ^^ liked by danielricciardo

user2 this is the kind of shit that we do NOT say aloud alright max 😭

user3 us maxiel enjoyers cannot take it 🥲 stop keeping our hopes up

oscarpiastri me and colabebe would babysit him if you'd allow it 🙌

landonorris i think you and i would have to talk about the babysitting privileges first, oscar.

user4 THE PERIOD IN THE END IM-

user5 bro really said "watch yo mouth" 😭

lewishamilton it wouldn't be a surprise if beau's just as energetic as you are 🤣 liked by danielricciardo

ethaneskin the next time i see him, i will spoil the f out of him 🤧 liked by danielricciardo

_thomasraggi uncle tommy's otw to get him everything he wants 😍 liked by danielricciardo

ykaaar he is so uncle dami-coded 😊 liked by danielricciardo

danielricciardo he doesn't look like you but ok 🙄

ykaaar just wait.

loricciardo my loveeeeees 😩😍 liked by danielricciardo

danielricciardo is it bad that i'm trying to outdo the little bear when it comes to your love? 🤔

loricciardo you will not need to try that hard, mio tasso. beau will always have the first place in my heart. you're a close second though 😽

danielricciardo aw it's all good, i guess. he is number one in mine too 🥰

loricciardo i'm glad we can come to an agreement then, my love 🤝

danielricciardo 🤝

[esquen]

Hey I loved ur last post, could you do a Jude smut where they’re best friends and it’s her first time <3

this is tooooo cute !!

euphoric ;; j.b

smut under the cut, proceed at your own caution

“how many bodies do you have?” jude asked, putting down his cup of water as you set up to couch for bed.

“none.” you shrugged and turned back to him as you fixed your sleeping shorts.

“none? you’re nineteen years old with no bodies?” he asked.

“yeah. is that a problem?” you asked and giggled as you pulled your shirt down.

“well i mean, it’s kind of pathetic.” he joked, watching your expression change from amusement to sadness.

you two joked like that all the time, so why did it hurt for him to call you pathetic?

“oh.” you replied and got on the couch, turning to face away from him.

“oh c’mon, don’t tell me that actually hurt your feelings.” he asked nervously.

you didn’t respond, just scrolled through twitter and instagram until he found the courage to get up and pull the covers off of you.

“y/n.” he said sternly, waiting for you to turn around. when you did and he saw your face, his eyes softened.

“i’m sorry.” he apologized and watched as you wiped your eyes. “sorry, i’m overreacting.” you sniffed and sat up.

“you aren’t pathetic y/n.” he whispered as he sat on the couch next to you.

“you’re great. i hope you find someone who w—“ you cut him off with a kiss to the lips.

you pulled back and what you did had registered. “oh, god.” you whispered. “sorry.. i’m just—“

without another thought, jude pulled you back into the kiss.

you pulled away one more to catch your breath and sit up correctly, cupping his face with both hands as you went back in.

his hands traveled under your shirt and right above the waistband of your shorts.

“mm, wait.” he pulled away and rubbed his thumb on your hips as you searched his eyes for the reason why he pulled away.

“we should go to my room.” he whispered and stared at your lips, pulling you in again.

“loved you ever since i met you,” you stated and pecked his lips again. “wanted to do this for such a long time.”

“yeah?” he asked, laying his hand on the small of your back. he slowly backed up to give you room to get up.

you stood up as his arms wrapped around the back of your thighs, signaling you to jump.

when you did you wrapped your legs around his waist and he kept his hands on your ass, walking off towards his room with you in his arms.

he dropped you on the bed carefully, leaning down to place a kiss on your lips before straightening up again.

“okay first i need to.. open you up. so it won’t hurt when i go in.” he left chaste kisses down from your collarbone, down your chest and to your waist.

“don’t wanna do that— need you right now.” you whined. “i can’t, it’ll hurt and make it no fun for you.” he spoke and placed his hands on your waist.

“don’t care.” you shoke your head. again he refused, pulling at your waistband. “listen to me. please?” he asked as he pulled your shorts down.

“.. fine.” you huffed and watched as he slipped your underwear off aswell. “you’re so good.” he spoke and parted your legs slightly.

“how long have you been like this?” he asked, running his thumb past your slit. “since i saw you today.” you whispered.

“really?” you nodded and he slowly stuck a finger into you, whining at the sensation. “shit, you’re really tight. it’s gonna hurt a little.” he spoke, using his other hand to rub your clit.

“there you go..” he praised as you began to ease up, able to put two fingers in.

“ready?” he asked. you looked at him confused before he curled his fingers, trying to look for your g spot.

you gasped at the feeling, grabbing his wrist. “c’mon, you can take it.” he pushed, continuing to use his fingers to open you up.

“i think— ‘m gonna cum.” you whispered and dragged your hips along his hands.

“do you feel it? in your stomach?” he asked. you nodded silently and bit your lip before he felt your clench on his fingers.

“fuck!” you squeaked, your bestfriend bringing you to an orgasm.

you sighed out and looked up at him before he pulled his fingers out. “you think you’re ready for me?” he asked.

you nodded impatiently as he pulled his plaid pajama pants down along with his boxers.

“it might be.. a little uncomfortable.” he explained, pulling you towards the side of the bed where he stood.

when you looked down, you saw what we have talking about. he was big, bigger than his fingers that was for sure.

“you alright?” he asked, putting a hand on your stomach.

“just nervous.” you spoke with a shaky breath, laying back down. “dont tense up, it’ll hurt more.” he suggested and grabbed the base if his dick with his left hand, pushing into you slightly.

you were already struggling to take him, your jaw clenched and your cunt squeezing the life out of him.

“shit,, ease up would you?” he rubbed your tummy as you slowly let go.

“that’s right, just like that.” he praised, pushing in the rest.

it felt like an eternity as you laid there, waiting to get used to it.

“are you okay? does it hurt?” he asked. you shook your head. “feels weird. i feel full.” you huffed out.

“okay.. move.” you asked before jude immediately started pulling his hips back and fowards.

“oh—“ the air got knocked out of your lungs when he pushed back in.

“shit, i can barely move baby.” jude struggles as he grabbed your waist and continued on.

“please, please—“ you whined, pushing your hips to meet his. he winced and pushed your hips down to keep you planted.

“there you, just like that huh?” you nodded and grabbed the hand that rested on your left hip.

“wait, i’m gonna cum again,” you whispered, looking up at him.

“hold on baby, i’m right behind you.” he replied out of breath.

“mm mm, can’t hold it.” you complained. “okay, c’mon let go.” he approved, pulling you down to meet his thrusts.

“oh fuck!” you cried out and grabbed his wrist as he came along with you, a long groan escaping his lips.

“there you go.” he spoke, pulling out of you completely.

you shut your eyes for a second before he shook you. your eyes flashed open and he began wiping you down with a cloth.

“you can’t go to sleep yet, we have to get you in the shower.” he offered his hand which you took, wrapping his arms around your hips.

“i hope this wasn’t just meaningless sex, y/n.” he whispered and let you sit on the toilet. you frowned at that and looked at him.

“you think i only had sex with you to get it over with?” you asked as he turned the shower on.

“i hope that isn’t the case.” he pulled his head out of the curtain to look at you.

“it isn’t. i promise. that was the most euphoric thing i’ve ever felt.” you smiled at him.

[murdock-barnes]

I NEED A MATTHEW MURDOCK ANGST sort of? based on the she hulk episode. so they're like married but he's still this huge player and sleeps with random women when his wife isn't at home, like when he went to LA or whatever he fucked she hulk even when he's in a relationship and she finds out and just breaks down preferably no smut with reader and matty but add whatever u want with him and anyone else ty!!

A Million Heartbreaks

Matt Murdock x Fem!Wife!Reader

Warnings: Manwhore Matt(he deserves his own warning lmao), pure angst

Word Count: 1,8K

A/N: Reblogs and comments are sooo appreciated! I really wanna hear what you think of this🥹

You stirred awake upon hearing the door being shut. Confusion and panic filled you for a second but then you remembered that your husband had a late flight. It must have been him.

"Matthew?" you called out.

"Yeah, it's me," his voice came. A relief filled you when you heard his voice, accompanied by deep sorrow.

He entered the bedroom, dropping his suitcase. "Sorry, did I wake you up?"

You shook your head no, he could tell. Matt was always so sweet... until he's not.

You sat up, your back on the bedframe. "How was your trip?"

"Uh... it was okay." He was shaking off his clothes as he talked.

"That's it?" you asked. "Tell me more. I would love to hear about She-Hulk. She's so famous these days."

"Yeah... she was cool. Jen is a great lawyer."

"Jen?" you mumbled under your breath.

He noticed the change in your tone but didn't want to further investigate. He was left in his boxers and now slipped under the covers beside you. He seemed ready to sleep.

"I saw the trial, you know? On the news," you said. "Jennifer was talking to the reporters outside the court and I saw you in the back, leaving the building with that designer guy."

"Uh huh."

"You weren't wearing your wedding ring."

Matt's eyes opened. You couldn't hear heartbeats but you knew his got way quicker now.

"Baby..." he started.

“You just can’t help it, can you?" The disappointment in your voice burned his chest. Matt was truly sorry but yes he knew he just couldn't help it.

"What are you talking about?" His brows furrowed. Oh, he was gonna take the highway again.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about! You couldn't keep it in your pants... AGAIN. You fucked Jennifer."

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me... I don't have to explain myself but that did not happen."

There he was. The same old same old.

"I can't believe you..."

"Sweetheart, I swear nothing happened between me and her. Can we just talk about this in the morning?" He closed his eyes and shuffled to get into a more comfortable position.

"Oh my God! You're unbelievable and insufferable!"

He opened his eyes with a huff. His attitude only made you more annoyed and angry.

"Don't even try, Matt. There's a literal video of you leaving her house, doing the walk of shame. Some dude recognized your pathetic ass, filmed it, and put it on Twitter."

"What? That couldn't be me. I was in my hotel room all night."

He was kidding, right? Did he really think you were that dumb?

"I swear to God, if you attempt to gaslight me one more time, I'm gonna smack you so hard in the face."

He squeezed his eyes shut with a grunt. You didn't say a word and just waited for him to admit it. It's always been the same. He cheated, you confronted him, he denied it, and then confessed his sins. The same cat and mouse game.

"I did it." His voice was bitter, guilt dripping from every word. You couldn't give two fucks about his so-called guilt.

You chuckled, knowingly. He did it again despite his promises... and the promises before that... and before that. You gave him another chance every time because you wanted to believe in him. You've seen how determined he could be with his vigilante shit. Maybe he could put the same effort into his marriage. He never did.

"I'm sorry... I don't know what-"

"Shut it!" your voice grew stronger now. Your body was burning with rage and sadness and disappointment.

"How could you, Matt? Again?" You threw off the covers, sitting taller. "I am so sick and tired. I can't take it anymore."

He got up and sit, turning to you. His hands reached yours to hold but you drew them back, away from his touch. You got off the bed and started pacing the room.

"Please, I'll make it up-"

You couldn't stand hearing his whining, honestly. "Oh, stop it! It's the same thing every time. You go fuck around and come back, begging me to forgive you. You have no fucking respect for me, let alone love! I've had enough."

He pouted "Don't say that, you know I love you."

"No, you don't... No. If you were, you wouldn't do any of this."

He got up quickly and before you know it, he was at your feet, groveling. His forehead hit the ground and his hands grabbed your ankles. "I'll pray. I'll confess and repent my sins. Please, forgive me. I truly am sorry. Please."

Was he fucking for real? You backed away, slipping away from his clutch.

"You're such a good Catholic boy, aren't you? Catholic, my ass! Your conscience only seems to be working when it comes to killing but adultery and lying are okay, huh?"

A pained grunt came from him but he stayed in the same position. "I know, I'm a horrible person. I've made a mistake again. Please, take me back."

"You said it was a mistake with Claire, too and it was just one time with Karen. And Elektra... don't even get me started on her." You took in a sharp breath. Tears were burning your eyes. "You always went back to her. Whenever you were in trouble, you didn't come to me. Instead, you went into her arms."

He was silent as he sat up, taking his head between his hands.

"I don't know... maybe I am the problem. Maybe I couldn't give you the comfort that a wife should've given but I tried my best, Matt. You didn't even try." Your voice cracked in the last part and tears started to spill down your face.

"No... no. It's not you. You've been nothing but supportive and loving to me. I... I ruin everything." He swallowed hard with that lump in his throat. He hated seeing you sad and especially knowing that he was the one that was making you sad.

"You can't just say you ruin everything and move on with your life being an impending doom, Matt. You gave up. You're not even trying to be better. I've been on my own in this marriage for a long time now."

You sat on the bed with a huff. How did your relationship turn into this? It was all so sweet in the beginning. That night at the bar changed your life. This handsome, mysterious stranger approached you, buying you a drink. Honestly, you just wanted a free drink but the conversation hooked you. He was a charming man and a dangerous one. It felt like he was luring you into dark, shady waters but he was oh-so-sweet.

It was a month into your relationship when you found out he was the devil of Hell's Kitchen. One night, he stumbled into your apartment, beaten up and bloody. You spent the rest of the night tending his wounds. For you, it was hard to accept that he was risking his life out there every night. Somehow you got used to it.

Three months after getting married, you got promoted at work. Everything was so great, you were so happy. However, now your position required you to travel sometimes and you hated being away from Matt.

It was one of those nights that you came from a trip. Matt wasn't home so you just changed and decided to wait for him. You poured yourself a glass of wine and right when you were about to sit on the couch, something caught your eye. You leaned down to check. There was a red thong beside the couch, almost under it. Your body froze, all the air in your lungs emptying. It definitely wasn't yours. When you confronted Matt about it, he refused to recognize the underwear. Shocking! He even claimed that it was yours. That was your first big fight and when you find out about Claire.

There have been more work trips and more women. You only knew about Claire, Karen, and Elektra but you were certain that there were so much more. Why was he doing this? Why having you wasn't enough?

"Was I ever enough for you, Matthew?"

Matt never ever heard your voice so broken. He was drowning in your sadness while the taste of your tears filled the room.

"I gave you all of me and I did it gladly. I love you with all my heart, all my existence. We took a vow. We swore before God. We promised to honor each other." Your voice was barely a whisper now but he heard you loud and clear.

You fiddled with your ring, it almost burned your flesh now. "We promised to wear these rings to show our love and faithfulness."

Matt was sitting there silently and tears were falling out of his eyes. He was well aware that he fucked up. He ruined the best thing in his life. He made his one and only's heart bleed.

You were just sitting there contemplating the broken shards that were your marriage. You never loved anyone as much as you loved him. Hell, that was probably the only reason you kept forgiving him. He was a good man, you knew but he was in a constant battle with his demons. He would sometimes be off the rails but he always came back to you.

How long could you do this? How many more women? All these years, he trampled down your honor and dignity in the name of love and mistakes but no more.

No more.

You took a deep breath in and got up. It might've looked like a simple movement but it took all your courage and what's left of your dignity. You wouldn't take this man's disrespect and dishonesty anymore. Matt's head snapped in your direction, following every little movement.

You walked to the front door, grabbing your purse and coat. When Matt realized what was happening, he was by your side before you know it.

"Baby, please don't go. Let's just talk." He grabbed you by the waist and tried to halt your motion.

You tried to shrug him off but his hold was strong. "There's nothing to talk about. Let me go."

Matt's heart was breaking into million pieces. The idea of you leaving him... the idea of moving on with his life without you... he wished he could take back the time and undo every misdeed he committed.

"Don't leave me. Please... I'll change... for good this time, I swear. Baby, please don't do this to me."

His words burned through your chest. Even though he broke your heart a million times, you still felt sad because he was sad. His pretty face was contorted in pain. His unfocused eyes were filled with tears. You wanted to reach and wipe his tears away, give him a kiss and hug him.

No more.

"I'm done, Matt. I can't do this anymore. I don't deserve to be treated like this. I never did." You freed yourself from his grip and opened the door.

He fell onto his knees with a sob. "Please..."

You took in the view in front of you, feeling pity for him. Right before you walked out of the door, you said "Sign the divorce papers when they arrive."

[lemon-muncher]

I was thinking some Shalnark x Dom reader? The gender and particular flavour is up to you :3 whether you're in the mood for sadism, bondage, pet play, whatever really. I just want to make him whine and feel so good he cries ✨😌

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH GOOD LORD SOMEONE HOLD ME BACK FROM HIM

Doing this headcanon style so I can add a bunch of stuff for him <3

I'll be keeping this gender neutral and have separate mini headcanons in some of them for female and male genitalia :]

Shalnark is definitely a crier. As much as he hates to admit it, the second he gets the tiniest bit overwhelmed, his eyes water like crazy.

Considering he's a manipulator, both as a person and as a nen user, giving up control isn't something he's use to. But the second his partner rips the control from under his feet, he's at their mercy without complaint.

Definitely a switch... Like I said, he's a manipulator and needs control to do pretty much anything but he finds it nice to let o of all the stress every once in a while.

He's kinky... THERE I SAID IT!!! He may have a cute and innocent face but the things he searches on his phone will get him sent to horny jail! Dude as 50 taps open dedicated to porn and twitter threads of some of the most foul things. I'm talking the hub, X Videos, probably some sketchy furry roleplay is mixed in there too.

Lets get into some of the specifics:

Chocking: He has the biggest turn on for breath play and he has ZERO clue where it came from... Whether you're riding him, plowing into him from behind, or forcing his head deeper into you sex, if you restrict his breathing in anyway, his eyes are immediately rolling back.

Hair Pulling: Another one that'll get his eyes rolling. He has the prettiest blonde hair and who wouldn't take the opportunity to pull him up by it. He has a really sensitive scalp so the slightest tug will have him yelping. If you snuggle after the deed, and you scratch his head he'll quite literally purr

Impact Play: I have nothing to say about this just know it's on my mind...

Roleplay: Yeah...

Feminization: Put this man in a pink frilly skirt! Call him princess and throw some thigh highs on him. Another one of his kinks that he randomly developed. Probably started from a twitter video to be honest. But he loves if you dress him up all nice and pretty and takes him out. Call him 'your girl' or 'princess' out in public and he'll pull you to a nearby alleyway.

Exhibitionism: Will have sex with you anywhere. And I mean ANYWHERE. The alleyway I mentioned, yeah, that's a frequent quicky spot for you guys. He already has to be careful about being spotted since he's a criminal but the thought of being spotted in such a vulnerable position has his holding back moans

Voyeurism: I guess you could call watching your own sex tapes voyeurism... But he always has his phone recording during sessions between the two of you. Even if its just making out, he has it on tape. If either of you are away on a mission and he's horny, he's going through his achieves of the two of you.

Mommy/Daddy Kink: He randomly whined mommy/daddy while you fucked him and quite literally caused you to freeze in place. Not cause it's a bad thing but because he pulled that shit straight out of his ass and surprised the both of you. Wants to be babied from his mommy/daddy but also wants his back blown out by them.

Anal Play/Pegging: This man thrives off of prostate orgasm. Loves the feeling of having endless orgasms without spilling a drop of cum. Whether it's your fingers, tongue, buttplug, or cock/strap-on, he'll end up shivering from it the feeling of being full. I'd like to think he sent you a porn link of anal play on 'accident' just to give you the hint of what he wants.