#can be merciful as well as merciless depending on situation

[amorvincitomniamore]

If we're talking about show ending, then I think it's still better than making Arya randomly go see the world

and, well, she could be her master of whispers?

Queen Sansa and her bodyguard sister Arya, my beloathed.

[howlingday]

Thinking back on the idea of RWBY and rogue galleries in general, which comic book rogues do you think would be interesting to see Team RWBY (and JNPR/ORNJ) go against?

Obviously some villains would be flat out ridiculous (Superman's, Hulk's, etc.), but others, like the Spiderman or Batman villains, seem like they have potential...

Both rogue galleries are accustomed to teenage heroics yet are still susceptible to being defeated by them.

Some members are flat out crazy (Joker, Electro, etc.) and will probably get trounced without mercy while others are WAY more sympathetic in spite of their villainy (Curt Connors, Clayface, Mr. Freeze, etc.) adding a "human" twist that RWBY isn't exactly used to.

I mean can you imagine Blake, a faunus, trying to call the Lizard or Clayface monsters despite them not wanting their horrendous appearance?

Or Weiss trying to stop Mr. Freeze plunging beacon into the Ice Age despite the fact that all he wants to do is save his wife who brings warmth to his lonely existence?

What do you think?

When it comes to RWBYs own rogues gallery, it's not hard to find a set point on who fits who best.

For example, starting from the beginning, there's Vale's criminal underworld run by Roman Torchwick. I'd consider this

GANG-LEVEL

Street thugs, ne'er-do-wells, and general human scum who will lie, cheat, and steal, doing whatever it takes to survive. These are villains on the same level as most of Gotham's worst of the worst; Joker, Penguin, Scarecrow, Riddler, ordinary humans with slightly above average physical skills. But, it should be noted that these are also villains who have tricks up their sleeves. Tricks like, well, a trick cane... or Joker Venom.

But after the Fall of Beacon, we reached a new level of threat that gives us a broader perspective. These are the villains who have went beyond the ordinary and into the extraordinary, bringing with them a dangerous arsenal of weapons, skills, and super-powers that make them a threat to even the most skilled fighters. In honor of this, I choose to classify them as

HUNTSMAN-LEVEL

Superhumans, supervillains, and super pains in our backsides, these are the kinds of baddies that definitely make a Death Battle list. Villains like Tyrian Callows, Adam Taurus, Arthur Watts from RWBY get put up against super-criminals like The Scorpion, Shredder, and Doctor Doom. These would be tough fights for RWBY and would require help from the other side to assist. I'm thinking entire stories with them as the big bad guys. There's some kind of superhuman skill they have that makes them more than just a threat, but a super threat.

Speaking of Big Bads, going beyond the scope further are the enemies that are way too much for RWBY and would actually the fun of writing these universe together. Yeah, I'm talking

EXTINCTION-LEVEL

Thanos, Darkseid, Salem; you know them, you fear them, and there's a reason for both. These are the final bosses of their own franchises, and the reason for that is pretty clear. Planets? Dusted. Galaxies? Peanuts. Life? Meaningless. Resistance? Futile. However, my biggest problem with these villains for RWBY is they're too big. Like, these guys just blink, and the worst thing that could happen to our heroes is just the start. So, yeah, don't expect me to write anything serious with these players anytime soon.

---------------------------------------------------

Now, as for sympathetic VS merciless, it kinda depends on the situation they're in.

For example, Basil Karlo, Clayface, was a famous actor who desperately wants to regain his original appearance. Sympathetic. However, I can also see Weiss freezing him without hesitation because he's trying to kill a doctor who can't fix him.

Dr. Kurt Connors would be similar with Blake, as you said, but I feel she would also feel no hesitation in putting him down. She might draw some parallels between him, and another seemingly passionate man driven over the edge into becoming a monster.

Honestly, these are both interesting scenarios, and I'd like to do more with them if I get the chance (COUGH, COUGH, 70 ASKS) but we'll just have to wait and see until then.

Keep up the good work and thanks for the food for thought!

[scarletooyoroi]

I feel like extending this into a whole HC and more of a latent ability, so I'm going to!

To begin with, this detail extends to Thoma's divine aspect with his flames as well. There will always be a weight that taps into the spiritual boundary whether he fashion his flames for attack or defense. An undeniable bareness finds itself breathing a particular sense of life when it comes into his flames. Where his shields feel like a supportive embrace or a firm hand upon the shoulder, or whether the merciless raze of his energy is like a force attempting to skewer through flesh and bone, it can actively be perceived.

This also goes for the extent of his emotions. To those that have a tune with elemental power, you can find a hidden read to his emotional state depending on the scale of connection you have with him. If he isn't always vocal about a situation, this is one way to glean and get him to open up.

Beyond that? An ability found itself unknowingly driven from this refinement of the heart was also born.

He'd come to call it samsara.

It's an emotionally driven ability that alters the sensation of his flames when it comes to striking an enemy. After either learning of his foe in question through bits of their history, disposition and overall the nature exuded in two particular extremes. It primarily effects those who thrive in cruelty and depravity, and those who find themselves bent and broken into a state of anguished violence beyond their control.

For those who are warped through tragic circumstances, it causes attacks and being burned away by his energy of Pyro to be akin to tearing away the pain. Peaceful feelings would reign as a means of allowing their spirit to grasp back their original state, and in turn, tearing away from the spiritual maladies and lead them onto a path safely finding voyage to the ley lines or their original form.

On the other hand? Those who thrive off the poisoned ichor of cruelty and come to find delight in that endless void will feel the extent of that wrath. Burning that dives proudly into acidic, as if Thoma's presence is actively working like a poison in their veins (to the spiritual extent), it's a technique devoid of mercy as intends to annihilate their cruel methods, and let those they made suffer have a modest portion of what they endured seared onto the target.

That said, the condition for such an ability is the conscious awareness of these circumstances. It's an ability that truly requires Thoma's soul to be infused in the act, where no doubt is cast into the moment at hand to create such effects.

[105ttt]

Yet another interesting choice in script changes on Viz’s part: this time, with some statements from Green!

(Do not tag this post as Lin//ked Uni//verse, any tags related to Lin//ked Uni//verse, or any implied or outright ship tags.)

The translations shown, from top to bottom, are: original Japanese, English fan translation, official French translation, and official English translation (referred to as Viz to distinguish it from the fan translaton). Pages and dialogue bubbles are in Japanese reading order (right to left).

Note here that the English fan translation and French translation are very accurate to the original Japanese, so whatever I say about the Japanese can be assumed to be true most of the time for those two as well. The way that Viz changes Green’s dialogue in the two pages I’ve collected above causes a dramatic shift in Green’s feelings about the “Vio is a traitor” situation.

In the fan translation, Green is mad at Vio for obeying Shadow without question. The French translation changes this slightly to have Green say that Vio has become conceited just because “these monsters” have stroked his ego. From what limited Japanese I know, I actually think the French version is closer to the meaning of the Japanese version. Regardless, in both versions, Green is not mad that Vio has joined the dark side per se, but rather because he is either following orders without question or because he has become incredibly vain. In fact, this means Green is mad at what Vio has become as a result of being brought to the dark side and not the fact that he joined the dark side.

VIz’s translation, on the other hand, changes this line a lot. It now is incredibly snarky and implies that Green thinks Vio would naturally be inclined to join the darkness, or at least that he cannot believe Vio would so easily do so without being kept in line. He clearly sees Vio as a nuisance that has to be checked on constantly, because he wouldn’t have gotten in this mess if he hadn’t been left alone, right?

The original Japanese, fan translation, and French version all then have Green say either “you’re not my friend, Vio!” or “I don’t recognize you anymore!” Again, the French version, which uses “I don’t recognize you anymore!” is closer to the original Japanese in terms of sentiment, as he implies that the Vio he’s fighting is not “his friend, Vio”. Regardless, this text bubble establishes that Green does not - and cannot - believe that this is the Vio he was friends with.

Viz’s version instead has Green, again in a snarky manner, throw one of Vio’s insults back at him, saying he’s the soft one (though this makes no sense if you ask me). Viz also appears to want to push the “Green is the same as Link” agenda, having him say he’s ashamed that Vio is part of him. Of course, Green could mean this in the sense that they are all Link and therefore all part of each other, but other lines in the Viz version try to imply Green = Link. Therefore, the disbelief on Green’s part - that this really is Vio, his Vio, and yet it’s not - is gone. Green is now just angry and snarky all around.

On the next page, in Viz, the fan translation, and the original Japanese, Green then remarks how his friend, Vio, has vanished. In the original Japanese, Viz, and French, Green also mentions that Vio has become merciless and unfriendly. In the fan translation, Green says he has become reckless. All versions therefore establish that Vio is fighting as if he really does intend to kill Green and kill him without mercy. Viz’s version is the only one where Green doesn’t remark that Vio has become very strong, though this doesn’t change too much. The important part is the next panel.

In the next panel in all versions but Viz, Green begs Vio to “wake up” (literally “open [his] eyes” in Japanese) or “snap out of it”. This line is very important, as it shows that Green ultimately does not believe that this is natural or characteristic of Vio! He believes that Vio has been tricked, or maybe even controlled, by Shadow and Vaati, and that Vio has the potential to go back to his old self if he would just wake up. He still believes Vio truly is a good person and is still his Vio. He thinks that if he can just get that across to Vio, maybe this terrible situation would resolve itself. Of course, the only way to wake him may be to hurt him or kill him, which adds drama to the scene. He even calls Vio by his name as he asks him to awaken in the original Japanese and fan translation, and in French, he says “I beg of you!” as if he is desperate.

But what about Viz? The line was changed a lot here as well. Instead of saying “Wake up!”, he states his intent to kill Vio: “I have to end this now!” This emphasizes the fact that Green, in Viz, is extremely angry at Vio and does not see him as redeemable. He does not believe that Vio is a truly good person anymore. In fact, he thinks Vio has the most capacity to be evil (for some reason, which again makes no sense) and that his Vio is gone. He doesn’t even want to acknowledge Vio as his Vio because he’s ashamed that a part of Link, and therefore himself, could stoop to this low of a level. He thinks, then, that he better kill off this disgusting part of Link and himself before it can cause any more harm.

So, how is Green feeling in these pages? Not great, that’s for sure. But beyond that, it depends on what translation you read. If you’re reading Viz, Green is angry, hates Vio to the core, believes his old friend is gone, and wants to kill Vio before things can escalate. If you’re reading the other three versions, including the original version (which is the definitive version), then Green is angry, yes, but he is also confused, concerned and worried. He’s worried his old friend is trapped somewhere inside the current Vio, who has been misguided by the dark side, and that there is potential for the Vio he knows - a good person that he loves - to come back, if only Vio would wake up. He knows Vio has changed, but this change can be undone; it was caused by the dark side, not by Vio’s own innate disposition to work for good or evil. As far as Viz!Green is concerned, Vio was always prone to being evil, and now that he has committed to it, he must be eliminated to prevent the darkness from gaining a powerful asset.

Very interesting stuff. It says a lot about Green’s character regardless of which version of him you encounter, though I’d argue the Japanese version is more in-character for him, as it contains elements of Viz’s version but still has an element to it that is so Green.

[fandomsnfluff]

hiyoooo it’s the same anon that asked for the pact tickling head cannons blah blah blah... do you mind sharing your thoughts on if the brothers do/don’t take revenge and how?

also i’m really sorry on how the trip has drained your motivation, don’t push yourself too hard :(

oh hey, nice seeing you again!! and thanks, i'm doing a bit better now and sorry this response was so late, i wasn't feeling very well this week but i decided to come back when i saw that i had stuff in my ask box to answer :D

luci would not hesitate to get his revenge. he doesn't like being tickled very much and he doesn't like having that type of weakness, so he usually decides to come back at his tickler tenfold. and he's absolutely MERCILESS, let me tell you, he will not stop until he leaves his tickler wheezing and shrieking in laughter and absolutely begging for him to stop, but he'll only stop when he's satisfied. most people who come at him end up being much more ticklish than he is, so it's often pretty successful.

mammon would likely be winded and panting from the attack, exhausted from all of his own screaming laughter and flailing to get away. his revenge often comes a bit later; if you tickle him in the afternoon, once dinner comes around, he may come at you and jab you in the sides, causing you to squeal and everyone to turn their heads. he's happy to embarrass you like you embarrassed him earlier <3

levi is extremely shy when getting people back; he's a messy tickler, so his hands kind of try and go everywhere at once without really doing much with his fingers or the pressure that he can give. he's left absolutely winded after being attacked, so he probably won't get you back right away, unless if you're just as messy of a tickler as him. but he's a lee all the way, he will die if you go on for too long

satan attempts to get his revenge as quickly as possible; no hesitation will ever come from this man. he doesn't like being tickled, so he'll spring up at the first chance to get you back, even if you're in the middle of tickling him. he will push you over onto your stomach and mercilessly attack your sides and underarms, also your neck, and he'll headlock your ankles and tickle your feet until you're absolutely screaming and crying. he will NOT stop until he wants to.

for asmo, it really depends on the situation. he doesn't mind being on either end, but he loves hearing your laughter, especially after you tickle him first. he thinks that your nerves are all excited after touching him (lol) which is why if he wants to tickle you he'll wait for you to get him first. but be careful, because he knows exactly how to tickle people; he knows every weak spot on your body and how to attack it so you turn into a squealing puddle beneath him. he's a bit more merciful than his other brothers though, so he'll let up a bit whenever you tell him to stop.

beel is such a tickle monster and he absolutely loves hearing your laugh, so there's no way that he won't try and get some kind of revenge. he's strong boy so he'll probably hold you against his chest after you tickle his stomach, fingers running up and down your sides until you shriek, but he always stops when you tell him to.

belphie is honestly the god of getting revenge if you've ever seen one. he usually tickles you the most often, so when you finally get him, he's much more determined to settle the score, regardless if he was usually the one to come out on top before anyways. he'll pin you against the mattress and dig into your hips and your sides, maybe even giving you a few raspberries on your stomach and your neck until you cry for mercy. he'll playfully encourage you to try and keep going, maybe even saying "how do you like them apples?" but eventually he'll stop because he gets to sleepy and he honestly just wants to snuggle. ;w;

[toxic-chasey]

Undertale: Inverted Lore (and first post)

Facts about AU:

• The au was not completed leaving the characters with an inverted colour palette and frequent glitches

• The characters health wise are slightly weaker than the classics

• The personalities of the characters are more unpredictable because of the characters not being completed

• Sometimes some of the characters will have episodes of soulessness lasting from minutes to days because of their incomplete souls

• Based on before the human came

• A finished parallel universe that is not inverted exists (I will create it soon)

• Would’ve been based on a neutral run if the au was finished

• Monsters will dust much sooner because of glitches sometimes having negative effects on a weaker monster

• The world is in mostly negative colours

• Characters will never experience a pacifist since the world is forever glitched

• Because of some events not happening, the underground is different

Sans:

• Very similar powers to classic with the exception of better stamina

• He is faster than classic thanks to not being lazy

• Also very similar to science sans

• He fell into the void instead of gaster

• This sans where’s the same symbol as papyrus (the one on the battle body) on his jacket

• Wears proper shoes

• Enjoys tomusto sauce and puts chicken salt on everything

• Prankster and loves puns

• This sans wears glasses occasionally since he is near sighted and he thinks it makes him look more like a scientist

• Sans does recall having a brother but barely knows anything about him

• Vibes

• Sometimes giggles to himself about the smallest things like a random Doritos packet floating in the void will make him giggle for hours

Gaster:

• Gaster likes bagels instead of eggs

• He looks like discord light mode

• He can barely remember sans, it feels like a dream

• He gave up similar to sans

• He is not as merciful as sans

• Makes puns and is not above using his power for pranks

Papyrus:

• Papyrus likes puns but thinks there’s a time and place for them

• Papyrus doesn’t understand most puns

• Papyrus doesn’t know who sans is because of Gaster replacing him

• Papyrus can also become soulless sometimes, making him one of the strongest and most feared when acting soulless

• Papyrus acts very similar to classic

• Papyrus can use Gaster blasters

• Papyrus knows a lot more than he let’s on

• Can do Physic breaking acrobatics

• Is still really kind

Undyne:

• Still leader of the Royal guard

• Very similar to classic

• Makes rash decisions

• Doesn’t know gaster too well

• Never met queen toriel

Toriel:

• Makes cheesecake instead of pie

• Talks to gaster instead of sans

• Talks similar to starfire from Teen Titans Go

• Stays in the ruins similar to classic

• Sometimes can act very blunt

• Hates parties until she gets involved (she becomes a party animal)

• Hates Asgore

• Since there is no pacifist she doesn’t know undyne, alphys, Mettaton and all the others

Asgore

• Does what he has to for monster kind

• Merciful and merciless depending on the situation

• Makes dad jokes

• Poppies are everywhere instead of buttercup flowers

• Tries to make cheesecake but fails a lot

Alphys:

• Was never Royal scientist

• Never created the amalgamates

• Just a nerd

• Never really got to know undyne

• Likes anime

• Still shy

Mettaton:

• More advanced since alphys had free time to think about it

Nabstablook:

• Sometimes crashes

• When turning on and off he makes the windows sound

• Can sometimes build up friction and zap someone (sometimes uses it for pranks)

• Very similar to classic

• Talks to nabstablook more

• Nabstablook is DJ for mettatons shows

• Body was completed so is not often sexy rectangle anymore

• Ohhhh yessssss

• Is now a robot similar to mettaton

• Acts very similar to classic

Flowey:

• Very similar to classic

• Is sometimes freaked out when monsters go soulless

• Bored all the time

Would you guys like to know more? This is my first au so I hope you like it! I only have a drawing of Inverted!Sans so far so if you'd like to see the other characters or (maybe) an ask blog let me know!

[simplive]

you will become a memory.

manhunt au! dream team, badboyhalo. general hunter mini headcanons

caution. death, insane sapnap per usual, maybe hints of yandere

DREAM.

─ “to hunt or be hunted.”

to be the hunter when he is usually the hunted is uncommon, but it is welcomed all the same ─ dream will revel in your fear from start, to finish as long as he possibly can. confident enough in his abilities to let you roam about in the world for a lengthy period of time because the direction of this compass will always point to where you resided. he’s not even worried when you reach the nether. whatever pace you decide to go about, will he respectively follow a suit, choosing to be calm and calculating. you don’t hear him ever speak from the ear piece, only the sounds of his shoes crushing the leaves below him as he gains closer, and closer towards your way. letting the impending dread crawl in.

he’ll let you have that sense of security, before tearing it all away.

to strike fear in others... it is what he does best.

sometimes you can get him to have conversation, just not for long. no larger than five minutes because he always returns to the same withdrawn, quiet self everyone knows him by. maybe smart, funny comments here and there to fill in the initial silence, but they are all disregarded by the fact that dream is coming to kill you regardless. there’s nothing he wants to change about that, you both signed yourself for this situation... he’s simply going to honor what it takes to be a professional, merciless hunter. an unofficial title he silently wears like an emblem. so you were doomed from the very start the moment it’s been heard who’d be tracking you down exactly.

out of everyone, they send out him, making you wonder as if the whole world wanted you to perish.

death is to be expected. you can still be good friends and still die at his hands. you’ll let him, won’t you? it’s destiny, your destiny, and everyone knows nobody can escape it once their future has been set, written in stone. what is there to have hope for? a painless death, maybe, depends on how dream feels that exact moment ─ their pain is what makes up a part of the amusement in the chase. although, it’s not like he’s going to drag it out unlike a close friend of his. do not fret, you’ll go down in history as the first prey he’s bothered to open up to... isn’t that good enough?

so why does his heart still pang at the thought?

no no, these are just mindless feelings, barely skin-deep. they’ll go away within seconds if he pays them no attention, just getting his objectives over with and moving onto the next victim. he’s doing this all for survival, and who knows... you’d do the exact same if you too wanted to live. this is a dog-eat-dog world, you either kill someone, or get killed. in fact, because you’re inflicting these unknown emotions on him gives dream more motivation to follow through with these objectives.

he’ll have you until your last breath.

GEORGE.

─ “love me until you die.”

george wants you to be comfortable and scared at the same time, he doesn’t want you to think of him as only a monster like the others. see? there’s still a bit of mercy in him to let you slide at times, shaking it off as a ‘silly little mistake’ of his, but it’s all planned. always has been. he doesn’t like to say this much, but, he pities your situation. the game cannot end until one completes the objectives... and by the looks of it, you’re nowhere as close to the finish line. be free to ask for tips or pointers whenever, he’s generous to share what he thinks will benefit you. it’s up to you whether you trust him or not, there is no offense to be taken, he’d have a hard time believing in your situation.

you can try to talk him out of this for a chance, but a job is a job, someone has to get this done.

and who knows what’ll happen to him if he doesn’t follow through.

your moments together were only meant to be full on bittersweet. you hate that he still tries to be nice against all, as if your life wasn’t placed in his hands to begin with. it would’ve been so much easier to despise george if he’d been vile, heartless, cruel even... but he isn’t. he’s kind, too kind, and you’re starting to think that maybe this was just your unescapable fate. something that transpired during your blurred life was apparently unacceptable for you to live on, it’s starting to finally make sense. no one can elude destiny as much as they pray. of course, when given a chance to slip from death, you’d take it without hesitation... but if all doesn’t go well, then that’s alright too.

everything should be okay if george is here, with you.

will you tell him these sentimental views, especially when you’re lying carelessly on the verge of death? absolutely not. he’d start to feel bad, and that’s the last thing you’d want from him. he’s only doing his job like anyone else, this is somewhat normal despite a few circumstances. you’ll keep reminding yourself anytime despair tries to reach out to you, pulling away from its tantalizing vicinity. don’t go back on this choice, don’t let the sadness take you.

don’t let him regret.

with your head perched comfortably onto his lap, blood spilling at your lips as you try to confess multiple things all at once, then failing miserably. they come out as a garbled mess of sounds unsurprisingly, rather faint to the ears, but there’s enough affection to get through him. you’ll squeeze his hand weakly in hopes of delivering a message, certainly woozy and content nonetheless. he smiles, smiles sadly at the result of his success, but this is what george had desired the whole time.

a chance to spill out his true feelings for you.

SAPNAP.

─ “look at me in the eyes.”

perhaps the most happiest one of the bunch to end someone’s life for the fun of it, quickly that is. he doesn’t want to waste time chasing after you endlessly all over the world, takes too much energy and patience... sapnap prefers to have you right in front of him so he can get right into action. there’s no point in running, everyone knows this. you do too, but such fact could never stop you from trying anyways ─ why not take advantage of that ten percent chance survival rate than do nothing at all? even he somewhat agrees with this new knowledge. there’s no fun in having a compliant little mouse. despite the obvious frustration of tracking you down, he knows it’ll be worth it in the finale when seeing you beg.

always, always looking forward to new targets. everyone is unique: their reactions, their struggles, every part of them. it’s good to have a taste of something refreshing and new. for being the type of person he was, having the same type of people to play with is completely boring, hunting would’ve became a tedious chore at that point. sapnap is ecstatic to hear about you. not much information was disclosed about you, there must be something intriguing then for the lack of story.

he hopes you won’t disappoint him.

sometimes he’ll let his ‘guard down’, sometimes. it’s only to get you motivated again because hopelessness will begin to bore him exceedingly. “don’t give up completely, little [name],” sapnap coos sickeningly, “maybe you’ll have a chance if you actually try for once. should i be nice like george, and give you another head start?” his encouragement, if you could even call it that are down right patronizing, doesn’t try to hide any malicious undertones because he’s confident his words will affect you just the way he wanted.

the fun can’t go on forever. he wants you to suffer for everything you’d put him through. sapnap did not waste three full days trying to corner you, shedding sweat, effort, and time in doing so for you to try and come up with some other excuse for him not to kill you. no, you’re misunderstanding, that’s not what he’s here for. money? no. fame? absolutely not. if it wasn’t any obvious,

he’s here to feed on your fear.

BAD.

─ “forgive me.”

like george, does manhunts because he has to, and it is quite absurd. bad has a huge problem with others having a foul mouth, but happens to not have any qualms raising a blade at someone’s throat. what kind of morals were those? he too questions these actions like any sane person would, however, does not do anything to change his ways because... it’s not in his power. what good would it do to suddenly just switch mindsets all of a sudden, superiors will start to question him and everyone he’d grown to love would suspect. to quit then would be breaking the code, and that’ll be like breaking someone’s trust. bad shouldn’t do it, he’s always reminding himself.

he shouldn’t...

and still, he’s probably the only one who has the hearts to let you go.

for first impressions, bad certainly doesn’t strike you as a hunter. he takes the time to introduce him properly, salutations and a heartfelt apology. you ask, why apologize so suddenly, we just met. he can’t do anything other than sigh, letting the silence answer your question. well, you’re currently the first one on his list, the first to die at that. he’s just here for warnings, letting you gain a huge head start...

calls you muffin as another form of affection. strikes to be strange at first, but you slowly get used to the nickname as you do him, able to enjoy the situation because it’s starting to feel like a nice game of a fusion of hide and seek, and good ol’ tag. he hasn’t been able to physically hurt you once, or at least is trying to make it seem like a mistake ─ missing opportunities, or forgetting to. whatever the case may be, you’re not complaining one bit. in fact, you too haven’t tried to raise a blade at him either.

why would you even?

your kindness is limitless, and it proves when bad cannot fathom hurting you under any circumstances. most of his victims were very aggressive, always cussing at him no matter the context, maybe that’s why guilt hasn’t officially hit him until now. the you who still manages to laugh despite everything, thank you for letting him see the horrors of his actions. “will... i’ll be able to see you again?” you murmur, unsure if you should turn your back on him and leave.

“... maybe some day! for now, you should go. be careful though, some might recognize your face as well.”

he never tells you that his life would be of no more, and he lets you go, the oblivious one, with a bittersweet smile.

[dredreadsdrawing]

Oc-tober day 5: Old

For Day 5’s challenge, I brought back what I believe to be my first trans character haha. This will start as cringe plz bear with me. Im copy pasting the Quickie I had planned for a post in my writing blog.

PunchLine: Quickie Summary

Just suddenly grew nostalgic of this story lol. Notes before delving into the plot:

-        I literally started this story’s concept when I was in 5th – 6th grade and first watched Ouran High School Host Club. My kid brain was mad at Haruhi for not taking advantage of her passing as a boy so I made what started as a self-insert oc that gradually transformed into my first trans character ever. Whack, lol.

-        Just a side thing, most of my damn stories have playlists and I swear, All Time Low/All American Rejects songs are exclusively this story’s official soundtrack.

-        The main character’s name is super…. Wow lol. Please bear with me I might change it, just… this was a story I started making when I was 11 and really liked ‘unique’ names instead of conventional ones >X,,D

-        Please have mercy on my tiny weeb soul.

Lolol ok, plot start naw. Keep in mind I was very influenced by anime at this point of my life so I started this in a stereotypical Japanese setting but made it more Americanized over the years. Big oof.

Protagonist (I called em Echo lol) is a hella poor girl living pretty much by herself in a shitty apartment. Her aunt is her caretaker but she’s never home and she doesn’t work. Echo has to work a job herself to make money for food. She has a quiet personality, long, terrible hair with split ends everywhere, and a boxy frame. She works doing lots of manual labor, adding to her poor health.

Because she’s always been quiet, no one knows who she really is. She’s just ‘that poor girl who never talks’,  and they mostly leave her alone. One particularly shitty night however, after getting fired without her pay, she gets caught by some hotshot popular dude and his cronies with her work uniform on. Kids aren’t supposed to work. He takes a picture and threatens to turn her in if she doesn’t follow him. He’s just looking for some easy fun with a docile girl he can make do anything. She’s done being docile.

In true anime fashion she beats the hell out of these dudes, trash talking them the entire time. She’s merciless, bashing them all black and blue until they pass out. Only once everyone but the main instigator is down does she take his phone. “I have back-ups!” The boy exclaims through broken teeth. She looks at him and posts the image onto his feed herself. She’s done going to school anyways. She destroys the phone, laughing, and he loses consciousness. She gets up and dusts herself off.

She had a spectator. Some dude had watched the whole thing from his fancy car. He thinks he could use someone like her.

The following week goes as expected. She’s expelled. Her aunt came to act as a concerned guardian in front of the school but left immediately after. She took Echo’s savings. Echo is laying in her mattress on the floor, pretty much wishing to be dead when a knock on the door breaks her concentration.

Oh boy. It’s the spectator dude with two other boys (one of em may end up being cut lol). He has a proposition. She join their prestigious team from some fancy school for something (idk I initially had her join a mob lol but these kids are still in highschool. Maybe their fighting club?) and they’ll pay for her tuition and living expenses. But there’s a catch. The team is boys-only and she has to crossdress. She signs up immediately anyways lol. From now on, she will live as a boy (so I will use he/him pronouns).

Hmm… mayhaps the reason Echo has such a ‘unique’ name is because he chose it himself. Like the edgy teen he is. Cries.

Echo packs his stuff and goes with em. He hears the specifics about his new group. Eric is the leader, who’s father founded the group. He clearly puts on an aura of being tough and in control, but his delivery is too forced. The spectator dude that found Echo is his co-leader, a guy who actually knows what he’s doing, but doesn’t want to overthrow Eric because he thinks it’s funny seeing him struggle. He is a dick lol. Depending on whether or not I’ll use him, the third dude is Eric’s best friend from childhood meant to be the soft one who helps Echo settle at first.

Moving on, I don’t have a coherent timeline of events, just scattered things that will happen. For sure, Eric and Echo keep butting heads, mostly because Eric tries to control Echo and the group as a whole too much, and Echo is like ‘dude, your demanding for perfection only makes me want to screw things up more to show you how unhealthy your expectations are. And also cuz youre cute when you’re mad.’

Eric has a legacy to live up to. He’s the classic worrywart trying to live up to an image and failing. Echo was brazen at first with his trying to mess Eric up, but he softens as he realizes how much it effects Eric. They eventually hear eachother out and come to a compromise. That’s the start of their friendship.

Then, a year later, comes Kimmie. She’s Eric’s childhood crush. She’s short, she’s plump, and she has a rude attitude. Eric’s been a simp for her since he was a kid. He tries way too hard to make her see him as a romantic partner; she’s the reason he grew out his hair when he heard her casually mention she likes it long.

What’s his reason for liking her so much? When they were kids, Eric was plump too, but unlike with her, kids would pick on him because he always just took it. She defended him a lot, and her fiery personality mixed with her ability to hit kids and get away with it made her feared. He idolized her ever since.

She reacts to this as well as you’d imagine a childhood crush staying just a crush is handled. Meaning she clearly sets up walls around him and tells him he’s not interested. Echo, however, catches her eye.

After a P.E session, Kimmie follows Echo to his usual changing place and catches him with his top off. Kimmie knew Echo was a ‘girl.’ Kimmie explains she had seen Echo before his transition. Echo laughs it off, finding her brazenness cute. “So what now? You wanna tell the school?” “… I require you for something actually…”

Kimmie is dating Echo now. Eric is devastated. Kimmie flaunts Echo around like a trophy, breaking many girl’s hearts that had previously asked him out. Echo has to follow her around as a part of their deal, but he doesn’t mind it. The more he learns about her, the more he likes her.

Eric tries to confront him about it along with his friends. Eric’s approach is…. Well… “You’re faking this, right? You don’t like girls, you’re not really a boy!” “Dude, I like what I like. Deal with it.” This response further punches Eric in the gut as everyone laughs nervously.

Some big event comes and Echo is Kimmie’s plus one. Eric doesn’t want to attend it so he stays in the mansion. Echo is feeling the guilt of the situation more with each day that passed. At the event, him and Kimmie have a great time, but when they escape the crowd and are alone, she tries for a kiss. Echo doesn’t proceed. Kimmie is disappointed, but Echo explains.

“I know the real reason you wanted to date me. It’s the same reason you touch my chest so much, why you wanted to see me in a dress, and why you told Eric you like long hair. Kimmie, you like girls.” He steps away from her. “And I can’t be your girlfriend in disguise.”

Kimmie is floored. She begins to cry. Echo is right. She’s a lesbian but she never wanted to accept it. She kept telling herself she’d find the right boy, and when Echo came, it felt so perfect. She thought she could just slip in and pretend that she was straight. But she isn’t.

She apologizes. She says, however, that she truly does like Echo now. Echo sighs and rubs their neck. “You can’t like me Kimmie… I’m not…” Kimmie thinks it through. “But… you were a girl before! The only reason you’re dressed like this is because of the contract!” “Yeaaaah… but I kinda like it now. This feels…. Better. More me.” Echo grins with confidence. “I’m a man now.”

Kimmie takes Echo’s figure in and sighs. “Ew. I can’t be date a man.” They laugh and break up, Echo going back home. Kimmie returns to the party and is spotted by one of Eric’s friends. He asks where Echo is and she tells him everything. Echo is going home, him and Kimmie just broke up. The friend tells Kimmie some comforting words before running away to the hall to call Eric and tell him the good news. Kimmie is available again, and he can be more aggressive this time!

Eric is slumped in the couch after binging Netflix and eating a pint of icecream. When he hears the news, his mind is stuck on only one piece of information. Echo is coming back home. Instead of feeling happy about Kimmie being available again, Eric realizes Echo is coming back after a break up. His worrywart tendencies has him picturing a comedically sobbing Echo, ruthlessly broken up with by Kimmie, wondering how he could continue to live without her. He cleans up the couch and by the time Echo enters, he’s saved him a spot on the couch and his own pint of icecream. Echo laughs but sits right beside him, accepting the comfort, even if Eric doesn’t know the full story. They have a nice night together, and by the morning, Kimmie’s sexuality is revealed thanks to a picture she posted in her social media celebrating with a girl she kissed.

She’s officially out and happier for it. Eric congratulates her when they run into eachother in the hallway. She’s surprised he’s not as sad as she expected him to be, but she’s touched by how genuinely kind he’s being to her. They stay friends, and even get closer thanks to Kimmie now putting her walls down again.

Movin on to another story event, Eric’s mom has been away for most of Echo’s stay, but she comes back. Eric has made it clear that Echo should stay away from her, and never let her know his transition. She somehow finds out thanks to some mishaps anyways. When the contract is revealed, she is ASTOUNDED that her boy would force a GIRL to live as a MAN. She’s putting a stop to this! She takes Echo away for a weekend spa treatment, girling Echo up, talking over him through the whole thing, never listening to his complaints and only reassuring herself that Echo is safe now and free to be pretty and feminine once more! It’s the proper way!

Needless to say Echo is uncomfortable.

The more Eric’s mom talks about herself and her own life, it’s clear that her way of thinking stems from some issues she had as a kid, being forced to work and to give up feminine things, but Echo doesn’t feel like she did at all. And though Echo enjoys some of the spa things, and doesn’t much mind being put in a dress, he just… prefers a suit. Would rather stay at home training with the group. Would rather keep his hair short as opposed to the length Eric’s mom proposes him to grow it at. It’s a bunch of little things, but they culminate in solidifying to Echo… he just wants to stay a boy. He’s not being forced to be one. He genuinely likes it.

When they return from their trip, Echo is in a skirt and heels. He is dolled up with professional make up and styled hair. The group ogles him, but as comments get thrown around about how good Echo looks as a girl, Eric can’t feel the same. He just feels it’s too… off. He doesn’t bring it up, he’s afraid he’ll hurt Echo’s feelings. All his mom’s mutterings got to him, and Eric feels guilty for forcing Echo to live as a man. 

During dinner, he reassures his mom and Echo that they can get rid of the contract and Echo can live in their house and attend their school clause free.

Echo stops him right there.

“I don’t want to be a girl. I’m a boy.”

Eric and his mom are confused. They try to reassure Echo, but Echo continues. “No. No offence ma’am, but all weekend, you have talked over me, never listening to what I have to say. I don’t want to be a girl. I am not like you. I do not share your experiences nor your desires. I like being a boy. I like being called a boy. I like dressing like a boy. I want to be known as a boy.”

Echo gets up.

“I’m going to go change now. But before I go, I want to keep the contract. I have no problem with any of the conditions.” Echo looks at Eric and smiles. “I like being a part of the group and competing with you guys.” He’s flustered by his sincerity. Echo leaves. For the rest of the day, Echo is unbothered in his room, but when night comes, Eric goes up to bring him some food.

Echo didn’t really wash off the make up very good (damn that high quality stuff), and his hair is a mess. But he’s in comfortable clothes and he brings in Eric so they can hang. They talk about trivial stuff at first, spend an hour playing a game, and when it’s 3am, Eric gathers the guts to talk about it. That he’s glad Echo stood up for himself, and he sees him as a boy too. Echo bursts into laughter, teasing Eric.

“So that’s what you were so nervous about. I thought you were planning to ask me on a date.” More flustered Eric. “W-Why would I-“ Echo gives him a half hug that stops him, hiding his own blushing face. “Thanks…” Eric hugs him back. It’s yet another sweet moment before they finally get together…. In some other event in the future mwahahaha. Idk, I haven’t decided yet when they confess and actually start going out ;p cries.

Welp, there ya go. This is a story I still cringe at because of how anime it starts but damn these chars got me. I love Echo, Eric and Kimmie ;o; I’m sorry I’m a sucker v-v

[foxtophat]

in chapter 3, nick brings john some food and tries to interrogate him, but it doesn’t go quite as planned. john sure is acting weird! i mean, weirder than usual. i mean, usual for john, anyway. i mean... well, let’s just say that nick is as in control as he can be in today’s update!

WHEW i really like this chapter actually, i had fun editing and writing it and all that. soooo i’ve been doing weekly updates but for the sake of consistency i’m going to be changing that to a bi-weekly schedule instead. gives me more time to flesh out these thinner chapters before i get them out to you, the viewer!

speaking of viewers, DAMN thank you guys for the warm ass welcome for this story! i’m so glad to see that people are enjoying my self-indulgent mess. i’ve had so much fun working on it by myself but i’m having even more fun now that i know other people like it!

hey, i’ll slap the text of this chapter below the cut so you don’t have to go off-site if you don’t feel like it. if you read, please consider reblogging, as that’s the best way for me to get this update out there :) otherwise, just like, have a good day and junk!

John is, unfortunately, still alive when Nick goes to check on him. He even seems to be aware of his surroundings, unsurprised when Nick opens the door and downright guarded as Nick approaches him with a plate of vegetables and some smoked venison. The role reversal doesn't sit right at all with Nick, but at least he knows he's in control of the situation for now. Give the bastard a couple of nights of good rest and John will no doubt attempt to get back on top, but tonight he's too sick to do anything but cringe away as Nick unceremoniously drops into a crouch and drops the plate in his general direction.

Tense, with his fingers twisting in the blanket below him, John rasps, "What's this?"

Nick frowns. "Food," he snaps, trying not to let his own rudeness bother him. He doesn't have to feel guilty being short with John — it's fucking John . Nick should be mad at himself for not being more of a dick! Being in a position that would earn a normal person sympathy doesn't mean squat when the guy is a murdering, violent psychopath wearing the thin veneer of a human being! He doesn't deserve anything Nick gives him, besides a swift and merciless kick to the temple.

Nick exhales heavily and reluctantly adds, "You look like you need it."

It's only once Nick rises to his feet again that John reaches for the plate, dragging it into his lap and proving Nick right as he quickly begins to inhale his food. It's alarming to watch John cramming jerky and vegetables into his mouth hand-over-fist, and despite himself he warns, "Slow down, you're gonna choke."

John stops eating like a switch has been flipped, dropping his hands to the plate as though he's been physically restrained. He doesn't say anything, just twists his fingers against the rim and stares at Nick's boots.

Okay.

This, uh. This is weird.

Nick feels his unease chewing at his nerves. "Well?" he snaps, trying to bluster his way through it.

"Well, what ?" John asks in return. There's an edge of annoyance in his voice, an old-world relic of John's normally nasty attitude, but it's not enough to reassure Nick.

"You know what. You're supposed to be dead . Rook put you down almost a decade ago, and I dunno if you noticed, but there's been a nuclear apocalypse since then. There's no way I'm putting you in your grave before you tell me how you got this far in the first place."

It's a lie, but the important part is that Nick sounds tough when he says it.

John clenches his jaw in response and finally meets Nick's glare with his own steely gaze. "They shot me," he says, his ragged voice still managing to scrape together enough attitude to sound vaguely condescending. He touches his gut, fingers prodding gently. "Then, the deputy left me for dead. I assume they returned to your welcoming arms."

Ugh, it is so fucking weird to hear John's passive-aggressive bullshit. Eight years apparently wasn't enough time for him to get over his nasty infatuation, if he's still bitter about Rook picking the Ryes over his own family.

"All of us were happy you were gone," Nick says, unwilling to indulge in John's creepy pity-lust for the deputy. "So, what then? How did you find that bunker? How'd you even know it was there ?"

John picks up a piece of jerky, bending it between his thumb and index finger. "It was my backup plan."

"What, in case the Cult backfired on you?" Nick scoffs loudly as John silently pops the piece of meat into his mouth. "I bet your brother would be real pleased to know you tried to weasel your way out of his prophecy."

John chews and swallows. "I doubt Joseph survived the Deputy at close range. I doubt I'll survive the second round myself. Where... is the Deputy, anyway? Shouldn't they be here casting down judgment, too?"

Nick sets his jaw. "I don't know," he says, folding his arms over his chest. "Nobody knows. They went to confront Joseph, but with all the Bliss in the air... I don't know. We lost track of them in the chaos. If they've had access to a radio, they haven't used it to contact anyone."

If John has any insight into what might've happened, he doesn't share it. He picks at a few pieces of carrot but it seems like he's lost his appetite again. "I see," he says, too pensively for someone who seems half out of their gourd.

"So, you survived being shot down, crawled into a hole with a gut full of buckshot, survived that , and then... what?"

"You saw what," John sighs. He looks tired — all this talking must be wearing him out. It's hard to believe John Seed is too weak to hold a conversation, considering how hard it used to be to get him to shut the fuck up. Nick tries not to spend too much time thinking about it.

"You want me to believe that you spent eight years just sitting there ?" Nick asks. The disbelief in his voice doesn't come close to the incredulity he's feeling. There's no way that John spent the last eight years in a quiet limbo. Hell, Nick's bunker life wouldn't make for riveting television or anything, but he still did more than exist . Even if he was on his own, John had to have some kind of — of backup backup plan, a plot to manipulate the nuclear apocalypse in his favor, something . Right?

"What do you want me to say? The bunker was lacking in entertainment. I was trapped alone, miles away from the Project, with nowhere near enough supplies. I was certain I would die before the first year was over, and from then on I assumed every day would somehow become my last. My being here is as much a surprise to you as it is to me."

He glances up, watching Nick's reaction with a wariness Nick isn't comfortable with. It's too much like a wounded dog, and John has to be playing some kind of angle to be using it.

"I had a radio, but no microphone," he says. "All I could do was listen."

Nick remembers what the radio channels were like for the first couple of months after the bombs dropped. Everyone going through every step of the grieving process over the world they'd known, screaming, begging, arguing, crying all the time. Lots of repentant Peggy idiots cursing Eden's Gate, even more innocent people sending out their last painful goodbyes. Kim would talk to them, sometimes, but for a while, it was safer to just leave the damned thing off.

"Eventually, the radio died," John mutters. "I thought it would be... better, somehow, being isolated. After all, that's how Joseph spoke to God, and I had a lot of questions that He might have answered."

"The last thing we need is another hallucinating prophet," Nick warns. He hopes John tries to sell him on some new-wave Josephism, though — he'd love to shoot the guy on principle and be done with everything. Boy, would that take a load of ethical weight off his back!

John's lips tighten wryly. "Apparently I don't possess the same qualities that made Joseph such an inviting disciple," he says. "I was alone. For... seven years, eight months, three days. Give or take."

"You keep a calendar down there?" Nick snaps, as if he and Kim hadn't quickly sorted time out themselves.

"I did," John replies, somewhat smugly. "Long enough to know when I ran out of supplies, at least. After that, it wasn't long before I had to leave the bunker. I couldn't... I couldn't take it anymore."

Nick waits for John to continue, but he doesn't. There must be more to it than that, Nick's sure of it, but John doesn't seem capable of handling the conversation.

John drops his line of sight to the pistol holstered at Nick's hip. He seems to be waiting for something.

"What happens now?" he asks, once whatever he's waiting for fails to happen. No doubt he expects Nick to brandish the gun in his face, to intimidate him or threaten him or... whatever. Shoot him, probably, because not even John Seed would be stupid enough to give himself clemency for all his crimes.

"Now?" Nick repeats. "Well, I guess that depends on you." He crouches down once more, sure that he's well out of John's grasp as he does so. He wants John to look him in the eye. "See, it's been a while, but I still really fuckin' hate you. After everything you've done, to me, my family, my home ... Honestly, I should've probably put you down the moment I recognized you."

John meets Nick's hard glare with the resolve of a condemned man. "Why didn't you?" he asks.

"Because I haven't had to kill anybody in nearly a decade, and y'know, I'd like to keep that streak." Nick jabs a finger at John, inwardly pleased when he recoils to avoid contact. " You're the one who came to Hope County looking for a fight. So I'm not gonna kill you. Not yet."

Nick figures he sounds pretty intimidating, but John doesn't seem moved by the indirect threat. Of course he isn't. The guy built half a religious movement out of his sadomasochism — he's not going to feel threatened by Nick, not even if he were holding a pair of pliers to his teeth. He doesn't even give Nick the satisfaction of asking what he means — he only stares and waits for Nick to hand down his sentence.

"First, we gotta see if you're gonna make it through the night," Nick says, gesturing towards the abandoned plate. "After that, I'm gonna put you to work. Kim and I, we got a list of things we need to get done. It's back-breaking manual labor, and you're gonna be the one whose back breaks." Nick rises to his feet, trying to seem tough when in reality, his knees are starting to ache, and he can't afford to throw one out over a show of force. "You do what you're told with no back-talking, and I guess we'll find a way to keep you fed."

"And if I don't?"

"I don't think you're in any position to refuse, jackass. Nobody else is going to think twice about shooting you around here. The cult, your followers, family, they're all dead and gone. Anyone left who knows your face is gonna want to smash it to bits, and they aren't going to be inclined to be as generous as Kim and I are being. So it's either this, or I throw you back in that bunker where you belong."

For a moment, Nick thinks that John might try to turn him down anyway. He hopes he does — it'd be nice to get to punch the guy without feeling guilty for hitting a seriously ill man. But John's pale face belies how desperate he is to avoid that bunker of his, and eventually he gives in with a slow, resigned nod.

"You're right," John replies, voice hoarse from exhaustion. "Joseph — the Project — it's all gone. And I..."

John trails off with a heavy, resigned sigh. He looks up at Nick through a thick clump of long, tangled hair that's fallen over his face. "I'm at your mercy," he finally says, dropping Nick's gaze immediately after as though he doesn't expect much mercy at all.

"What, that's it?" Nick asks, honestly fucking confounded at the lack of backtalk. He'd made a good argument, sure, but — what? "No arguing? No negotiating, no defending the cult? No trying to deflect blame?"

"What good would it do?" John replies. Despite everything, he manages to scrape together enough attitude to look unimpressed by Nick's entire deal. It's the first time since realizing John was alive that Nick feels a twinge of that old-fashioned irritation that used to make shooting John seem so appealing. "I have nothing. You've won, Nick. I hope you've been enjoying the prize."

"I ought to punch you," Nick snaps. "Lucky for you, I'd feel bad for giving you a beat-down in your sorry state." He nudges the plate with his boot, sliding it closer to John. "I'll be back with some water so you can clean yourself up. You stink enough to put me off my own dinner. Anything else, well..."

He gestures to the ratty, mildewy pile of junk that they've been collecting in the room, as if any of it could be useful. Broken picture frames, mouse-torn bedding, broken down cardboard boxes and more all piled innocently away in what was going to be Carmina's room. Looking at it fills Nick with a sense of profound sadness that he shoves right back down where it belongs.

"You can figure something out," he tells John, who doesn't seem capable of making another dig at Nick's new position as prison guard. Unwilling to be moved by John's labored breathing as he simply nods in return, Nick quickly about-faces, storming from the room with just enough anger to hide the retreat for what it is.

[artificialqueens]

Cruising for a bruising, Part 7 (Branjie) - Q-Tip & TheDane

Authors note: This is the last chapter of Cruising for a bruising. Thank you to everyone who has read along, and both Q-tip and I are beyond great full for every comment, like, ask and interaction we have received!

“I can’t stand this… mess of emotions between us. I don’t know how to do it.”

“You think I do?”

“I don’t want to be angry anymore. I want all of this to be done.”

-

It was hot and heavy, angry and dangerous in a way Vanjie barely recognised. They were fighting, bodies expressing what their words couldn’tsay, rage crashing together until Vanjie gripped Brooke’s hair, ripping into curls, forcing his head backwards, Brooke moaning, broken and desperate.

“You belong to me.” Vanjie wasn’t used to saying it so directly, the words burning on his tongue, but he meant every syllable. “You’re mine.” It was intoxicating, Brooke’s complete attention washing over him, power coursing through his veins.

“You don’t own me.”

Normally Vanjie would back down from Brook’s disagreement, let his partner lead. Brooke so sure on his feet, showing the way. He would agree with whatever, just to be done with it, but not here, not now, not when white hot anger was roaring in his belly. “Yes I fucking do.” Vanjie pulled again, almost tearing the hair from the roots.

“I hate you.” Brooke spat the words, both of them knowing it was a lie.

“I hate you more.”

Vanjie kissed him again and Brooke grabbed his knee and pulled, both of them falling on the bed, Brooke landing on Vanjie, knocking the air from his lungs. It was a flurry of fabric as Vanjie fumbled with Brooke’s belt, desperate fingers pulling his white t-shirt and taking it up up up until Brooke finally let go and raised himself up, sitting back on his knees, pulling his shirt over his head and Vanjie lost his breath. Brooke was breathtaking, his hair an utter mess, strong arms raised above his head as he threw away the shirt, lips already bruised.

“Hurry up.”

Brooke almost growled, and Vanjie felt chills run over his body.

“Shut it.”

It was nothing like the playful tone from earlier, Brooke telling him to be quiet in the wardrobe, his plea sprinkled with desperation. Here it was hard, merciless, cold and Vanjie shivered in delight.

“You’re a fucking psycho.”

Brooke laughed, short and cruel, his voice filled with venom.

“I’m the psycho?” Brooke leaned over Vanjie, looming like a dangerous animal, his hand fisting in the fabric of Vanjie’s shirt, pulling him up, the only thing holding Brooke up his left arm, the muscle working and straining right next to Vanjie’s head, and Vanjie was once again reminded of how small he was, how he was here entirely at Brooke’s mercy. Their safeword FLEW through his mind, almost leaving his lips, but Vanjie swallowed it, Brooke’s gaze holding his own. “You’re a fucking liar Jose.”

“I’m no-”

“You are.” Brooke’s body was so heavy, pinning him down.

“If I’m a liar.” Vanjie spat. “You’re a whore.”

Brooke snorted, his leg moving and Vanjie groaned, Brooke’s thigh on his cock, pressing down down down, bordering on painful, and Vanjie knew that this had nothing to do with his pleasure, but his cock was so hard it had a heartbeat of its own, his body pulsing, his lungs too big for his chest, his eyes falling shut.

“Apologise.” Vanjie felt Brooke’s hand twisting the fabric, raising him off the bed, the t-shirt almost creaking so loudly Vanjie can hear it. He was suspended above the bed, Brooke carrying his entire upper body in one single sure grip.

“Apologise Jose.”

Vanjie whined, turning his head. He felt so weak, like a newborn kitten, but he wasn’t backing down. Vanjie opened his eyes, brown and blue meeting each other as Vanjie spat his words.

“Fuck you.”

Brooke slammed him down, and Vanjie hit Brooke’s arm, the other man falling, both of them tumbling around, nails marking, teeth biting, skin sliding against each other in a desperate search for friction and dominance. A battle of wills that lasted right until the blinding white of coming, raw and needy and angry, Vanjie falling on Brooke so exhausted every bone in his body hurt, the darkness of night taking him before he had a chance to soothe the wounded animal inside, Vanjie clinging to Brooke as he slipped away, sleep giving him a break he wasn’t sure he deserved from the fight that was wreaking havoc on one of the most important things in his life.

/

“Ow!” Brooke woke up due to a terrifyingly accurate kick to the softest part of his shin. He swore, eyes shooting open to lock with Vanjie’s. The other man was just lying there, looking at him as if he was just some stranger that he woke up next to. Like Vanjie’s hair wasn’t sticking in all directions and his chest wasn’t covered in red marks, Brooke own body matching, both of them clawing at each other just hours before, Vanjie attempting to mark him like a branded cow, stopping just short of pressing burning iron into his skin, though Brooke was sure would have if the opportunity had presented itself.

“What?” Brooke asked. The indifference on Vanjie’s face, no matter how fake Brooke knew it was, made his stomach fade with anger once again, the fact that they had fallen asleep, bodies pressed against each other, Brooke’s cum still on Vanjie’s thighs, apparently not making a difference.

“We gotta get back to our room.” Brooke looked at the balcony. It was pitch black outside, and he knew Vanjie was right, the fact that they had effectively chased Nina from her own room momentarily making his chest clench with guilt, but then, Vanjie continued speaking. “You have to take your meds in the morning.”

Brooke felt his heart break, Vanjie’s attitude forcing him to think of ditsy secretaries that spend their work day filing nails and popping bubblegum, the clear lack of interest cutting him to the bone, Vanjie normally so diligent and caring in helping him remember his medication.

Brooke rolled over. “Maybe you should take your meds,” he huffs, “so you don’t throw a tantrum again.” Brooke didn’t mean to, but it came out harsh, his voice sounding more like a growl than the exasperated sadness he felt inside

“You fucking bitch.” Vanjie kicked his legs over the side of the bed, sitting up with his back to Brooke. “You know damn well that my meds have shit to do with that.”

“Yeah, well.” Brooke sat up. “Apparently I’m the only one who knows anything around here.”

Vanjie turns to look at him. “Oh, cause you’re so clever? You never do anything wrong.”

“Babe.” Brooke sighed, resting his elbows on his knees, head in hands. The wound in his palm is stinging, the paramedics warning him that he shouldn’t have left, but he had still chosen to, the white bandage soaked in red. “Let’s just go to our room, take our meds in the morning, and stop acting like children.”

“I ain’t no fucking child. I’m not the one who’s running around like a middle school girl with ten fucking boyfriends.”

“Jose. Please.”

The response is a huff, and then they’re both on their feet, shuffling around the room to collect their clothes, Brooke quickly finding his underwear, throwing Vanjie Nina’s Minnie Mouse shirt. Vanjie holds it up in front of him, a deep frown taking over his face.

“Shit.”

There’s a tear from the collar down to about mid chest - definitely too large for Brooke to fix with a thread and needle. It looked like Minnie’s head has been cracked wide open, and Brooke cringed, already worrying about Nina’s reaction.

“We’ll get her a new one,” Brooke tried, tone neutral in an attempt to de-escalate the situation as he picked up his own shirt and slipped it on.

“Another 90th anniversary edition t-shirt?” Vanjie deadpanned, turning the shirt around, and there it is indeed, a big, golden emblem with 90 written within, 1928-2018 printed below.

“They have to have it on Ebay.” Brooke shrugged, though his mind was racing away, already trying to come up with anything he could say to Nina that could somehow make this okay again. “We’ll just split the cost.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re the one who ruined it.“

“Is that really what you want to discuss right now?” Brooke took another deep breath, trying to stay focused. “There’s more important things to-”

“More important than Nina’s Disney shirt collection?” Vanjie snorted, but the tension in the room made his attempt at humor fall flat, Brooke barely feeling any of the usual warmth that filled his chest whenever Vanjie turned that blinding smile in his direction. “Depends on which bitch you ask.”

Brooke picked up his jacket, holding it out to Vanjie. “Here.” Normally, Vanjie would accept it without a single pause, but now, he just looked at it, eyeing it warily. “It’s not gonna hurt you, just-” Brooke pushed it into Vanjie’s arms. “Just wear it.”

Vanjie shrugged, and Brooke stepped forward. He was sure that Vanjie would roar at him to get away, but instead he was allowed close. Brooke raised a brow, silently asking if he could place the jacket on Vanjie’s shoulder. His mouth had gotten him in way too much trouble, and he wasn’t going to open it again when they were finally standing so closely together, Vanjie like summer weather, ready to brew up a storm at any moment.

Vanjie rolled his eyes, hands dropping to his sides, Brooke putting the jacket on him,his eyes catching on the red of Vanjie’s chest.

He was so distracted he barely heard the gasp, Vanjie grabbing his hand and holding it up.

“What the fuck happened?”

Vanjie’s voice was thick with worry, his thumb running over the bandage, barely touching it, like he was afraid he’d hurt Brooke if he wasn’tt delicate. Brooke smiled a sad half-smile, the entire situation so close to being touching and heartwarming, Vanjie’s semi-conscious comfort all he truly wanted, if only it didn’t sting so badly, if only they weren’t still having one of the worst arguments in the herstory of drag queens dating each other.

“Why are you bleeding?”

“I-“ Brooke hesitated. He didn’t want to bring up what had happened at the bar after Vanjie left, knowing all too well that it would only bring everything back to the surface, the truce between them as thin as winters first ice. However, brushing it aside, or even lying about it, would only serve to escalate the situation if the truth rose to the surface.

“I cut it on a piece of glass, after you…” Brooke gestured vaguely, unsure what to say. “Left.” He knew it wasn’t perfect, but it was all he could think of. If he hadn’t still been mad, confused and even a little scared of the tension between them, he would have wrapped his arms around his boyfriend.

“I did this to you?” Vanjie’s voice was so tiny, choking up in a way Brooke had so rarely heard.

“What?” Brooke grabbed Vanjie’s arm, his fingers digging in. “No! Jose, you didn’t throw any glass at me, remember?”

“But I broke it,” Vanjie looked up, their eyes meeting, tears collecting and threatening to spill. “If I hadn’t broken it, you wouldn’t have been hurt.

“I was inattentive, I didn’t look and I touched the bar. It went through my palm but it’s not your fault.” Brooke held on even tighter, hoping, praying, that Vanjie would understand. “I was rushing to go after you, and I was an idio-”

“That’s why you didn’t come,” Brooke could see the realization draw on Vanjie’s face, his voice back to the barely audible mumble as he basically whispered. “I thought you were too pissed to chase after me.”

“I wanted to. I really did.” Brooke bit his lip, pulling back, hands ending up at his side now that Vanjie was zipped in. “The paramedics told me I should probably have stitches..”

“Please tell me you didn’t skip them?” Vanjie scoffed, and Brooke was unsure if he was being scolded, or if Vanjie was angry with himself.

“I had better things to do.” Brooke saw his jeans, thankful for any opportunity to get away from Vanjie, to lick his wounds as he slipped into them, one leg at a time.

“Cause getting in a fight with your boyfriend is more important than taking care of your fucking health?” Vanjie tilted his head, crossing his arms over his chest.

“The fight wasn’t exactly part of the plan.” Brooke huffed, annoyance rising yet again at Vanjie’s inability to see where he was coming from. “I wanted to check on you. Make sure you were okay.”

“Well, congrats on a job horribly done.” Vanjie sneered, teeth bared like a wild animal. “You’ve proven to be pretty fucking shit at making sure I’m okay.”

“Oh I’m bad at making this work?” Brooke snorted. “At least I tried. At least I’m trying.” Brooke realised he was ready to leave, Vanjie having pulled his shorts on when he wasn’t looking. “You have the keys.”

“You’re a terrible boyfriend.” Vanjie sighed, digging into the pocket of Brooke’s jacket, pulling out the room key and handing it to him.

“Excuse me?” Brooke huffed indignantly.

“You ain’t good at comforting, you flirt with other boys, you’re out here buying clothes behind my back when I would have been the world’s best shopping assistant.” Vanjie stopped talking, clearly amused at the shock Brooke knew he hadn’t been able to keep off his face. “Oh? You didn’t know I knew? Well guess what. I did.” Vanjie looked Brooke up and down. “Who knows what other dirty little secrets you got pitter patting around in that head of yours.”

“We’re grown men.” Brooke put on his shoes.

“You sure don’t act like it.”

Brooke sighed, taking one last look around the room. “I don’t have any dirty little secrets.”

“Don’t lie.”

“Oh? You think I’m lying? Guess I never do anything for you. I only think about myself, and lord knows I’m having several affairs. It’s just part of my selfish nature, I guess.”

“Brock-”

“No, you’re right.” Brooke powered through, cutting Vanjie off before he even had a chance to speak. “I’m a shitty boyfriend,” The words stung, his eyes watering from voicing every horrible thing he had ever thought about himself when he had been at his lowest lows. “I’m selfish, arrogant, a stuck up bitch. Someone who’s just waiting to betray your trust. Isn’t that what everyone is saying? That I’m not good enough for you.”

“Come on,” Vanjie said, his entire body shrinking. “Stop.”

“Why, Jose?” Brooke sneered. “So you can tell me everything I’m doing wrong? That I like ballet and classical music and literature, because I want to be better than everybody else? That I bought new clothes so everyone else would -“

“You made me feel like a fucking idiot, okay?!” Vanjie shouted, and Brooke stopped dead in his tracks.

“When you were talking to Justin, I felt like thin fucking air,” Vanjie said softly. His head was downcast, Vanjie looking so much like a broken kid that Brooke felt like crying. “You talked to him about all this stuff that I don’t know nothing about, and you made me feel so stupid . Like, Silky at a salad bar kinda stupid.”

“You’re not stupid.” Brooke bit his lip, his voice low as he carefully voiced the only thing he could think of. “Can we just- let’s just go to our room. Please?”

/

Vanjie tore off Brooke’s jacket the moment they made it to their room, Nina’s shirt stuffed in his pocket. He was still fuming inside, the night feeling like a trip on the world’s worst roller coaster, up and down, down and up and down again, his heart breaking over and over again. Brooke dumped down on the bed, pulling his shirt over his head. Vanjie waited for a beat. Then another, and then yet another one, Brooke not saying anything.

“So, are you just going to pretend none of that just happened?”

“Can’t we be cool for just 10 minutes?” Brooke turned their bedside lamp on, standing up to take his jeans off. “I can’t stand this… mess of emotions between us. I don’t know how to do it.”

“You think I do?” Vanjie felt the anger bubbling again, the rollercoaster taking him up, up, up yet again.

“I don’t want to be angry anymore.” Brooke leaned on the nightstand. “I want all of this-” Brooke gestured between them. “to be done.”

“… What?” Vanjie felt like a bomb had just been dropped on him. What had Brooke just said? Did he mean it?

“I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“So, what?” Vanjie’s body shook with a silent, toxic laughter. “We just stop ?” Vanjie sneered even as tears began to roll down his cheeks, hot and angry.

“What? No. Shit. Shit shit shit.” Brooke walked over, grabbing Vanjie like he had already done so many times that night. “I don’t want us to stop.” Brooke looked horrified, like he only just realised what he had actually said. “I want us to stop fighting .”

“You said you want to be done .” Vanjie was fully crying now, fat tears streaming down his face.

“ Done fighting ,” Brooke cupped his face, big palms and disgusting bandage against Vanjie’s cheek, but he didn’t even care, everything in him so desperately needing the confirmation that Brooke was there, that he was still with him. “Jose, baby, I’m not breaking up with you. Holy shit. I can’t do anything right, huh? I love you, I love you so so so much.”

“No you can’t you fucking piece of shit.” Vanjie rubbed his eyes, trying to wipe away his tears. A broken but oh so happy laugh leaving him. “I love you too you absolute idiot.”

Brooke laughed as well, and Vanjie felt his heart break for the final time that night as Brooke gently tilted his head, their lips meeting in a kiss. “I’m really really sorry.”

“You better be.”

“Jose-”

Vanjie smiled, his tears obscuring his vision. “I’m sorry too.”

/

Vanjie spat into the sink, putting his toothbrush back in its place. He was so tired he was sure he could fall over at any minute, his phone telling him it was past 3 am when he had finally pulled it from Brooke’s pocket, the 37 missed calls making another wave of shame wash over him. He had really put Brooke, both of them, through the ringer tonight, though Brooke wasn’t exactly innocent either. Brooke had whispered into his hair over and over again that he was sorry, Vanjie holding him as well as they both cried, the anger finally gone.

They had changed Brooke’s bandage, Vanjie wincing as he saw the wound, Brooke accepting the talking to Vanjie had given him without a single peep, though Vanjie knew he was actually the one who deserved it. It wasn’t okay that he had freaked out in the way that he had, his own insecurities rearing their ugly head so suddenly and loudly that he hadn’t been able to control it. Brooke had scrubbed his arm down, Justin’s number disappearing down the drain, and while it had made Vanjie feel better, he also knew that it wasn’t the end of what they, what he, needed to work on.  

Vanjie took one last sip of water, before he made his way into their bedroom, Brooke’s suitcase still filled with the mysterious new clothes that Vanjie knew they had to talk about, though he wasn’t sure he’d have the energy for it right now, even if he had an entire case of Red Bull. Vanjie looked at the bed, fully expecting Brooke to be tucked underneath the covers, but instead, he found him sitting against the headboard, Vanjie’s computer open on his lap.

"What are you doing?” Vanjie knew he had to have a puzzled expression on his face, even as he crawled into bed, their sheets so much more comfortable than Nina’s, even though he knew they had to be the same, simply because they were theirs.

“I found the movie.” Brooke turned the screen slightly, and Vanjie could see that he had pulled it up, the entire thing ready to play. “I figured we could-”

“I don’t wanna do that.” Vanjie leaned against the headboard. He was touched by the gesture, but in so many ways, it was utterly useless. At least for where they were now.

“… Didn’t you buy it for this exact purpose?”

Vanjie wanted to reach out, the confusion in Brooke’s voice so real he could taste it, and thankfully he could do just that, making sure their legs were touching each other.

"I did, but I don’t-” Vanjie scratched his head, trying his very very best to choose his words carefully. “I tried so fucking hard Brooke. I tried to care about the stupid-” Vanjie interrupted himself. “Sorry. I tried to care about the… stuff you care about. I even found Lord of the Flies, and then you said no.”

Brooke chuckled, the sound so surprising Vanjie wasn’t even sure he had heard it right.

"What?” Vanjie turned. “What’s so funny to you?”

“I just realised that’s the first time you’ve said the title right.”

Brooke was smiling, and Vanjie wanted to punch him in the face. “Fuck you.” Vanjie had already formed a resolute and firm middle finger, the thing ready to be flipped up, but Brooke caught his fist.

“I was tired, and I just wanted to go to bed.” Brooke squeezed Vanjie’s hand. “I didn’t realize I had hurt you that badly.”

“You don’t realize a lot of shit.”

“Maybe you’re the one who doesn’t realize a lot of shit.” Brooke closed the laptop, turning slightly in the bed, so he was looking at Vanjie. “Jose, you’re the only one I want to be with.”

Vanjie huffed, barely even realising he wasn’t trusting Brooke’s words, until Brooke squeezed his hand again. “I’m not going to be with anyone else, and I can’t make you trust my words, but I can tell you that…you’re the only person in the entire world that I want to fight with.”

Vanjie laughed, Brooke’s words taking him by absolute surprise. “Guess you proved that tonight, huh?”

“I think we proved it tonight.”

Vanjie rolled his eyes, but he stayed perfectly still.

“You’re the only want I want to fight with, when it comes to how you say sequins in plural. I want to listen to you spend an entire dinner dramatically retelling me every detail of whatever soap you’re watching with Alexis, not because I’m ever going to watch it, but because I care about you. I love you Jose, your crazy brain and your conspiracy theories included.“

“You’re still going to take me to that fucking Balanchine show.”

“Bless you.” Brooke smiled, and Vanjie laughed.

“You’re the actual worst.”

/

“Fuck!”

Brooke looked over his shoulder, almost startled at the fog horn that had just went off. He had simply pulled the curtains back, something many people did each and every day, but Vanjie looked like someone had just pissed on his mother, both hands covering his eyes. Brooke was still tired, his every bone aching, but they had a long day in front of them, even if they had been up for most of the night.

“What the heck, you trying to kill me bitch?!”

Brooke laughed, his boyfriend, the wonderful man that was actually still his boyfriend, ever the dramatist. “A little sunlight isn’t going to kill you.”

Brooke had already been up for a while, showering, taking his meds and brushing his teeth. He had their first aid kit in hand, the bandage not as badly soaked as the night before, but there were still clear traces of blood in the white gauze.

“No, but the view might.” Vanjie smirked, looking out between his fingers. Vanjie was starring with unapologetic glee, his gaze wandering over Brooke’s naked body, and for a moment he felt almost self conscious. Brooke left the curtains, creaking the window open for good measure before he crawled back into bed.

Brooke had no idea how he had gotten so lucky, how someone could look at him like this, with the bruises and extra flab that came from doing drag on the road, could look at him in his awkward morning glory, limp dick and all, and still find him attractive.

“Move.”

Vanjie groaned, but it seemed like he had given himself over to his new destiny of being forced to endure the fact that it was morning. Brooke lifted the blanket, sliding in next to his boyfriend, his arm bent so he could rest his head on it, their legs touching as Vanjie made himself comfortable immediately, resting his head on Brooke’s arm as if he owned his body, and if Brooke was honest; he absolutely did.

“I need your help.”

“Mmh?”

Brooke nudged Vanjie slightly with the first aid kit, Vanjie turning and grabbing it, forcing Brooke’s hand into the air as he removed the dressing from the day before.

“This is almost kinda kinky.”

Brooke snorted, Vanjie always and forever surprising him. “If you find this hot, I’m going to need a safe word of my own so I can give this a hard, hard, hard pass.”

Vajie rolled his eyes and rolled over, taking Brooke with him as he forced the other to cuddle with him, Brooke slowly nodding off. He knew they would be late for breakfast, but he honestly couldn’t find it in himself to care. Vanjie was in his arms, his boyfriend going through his morning ritual of checking every social media platform under the sun. Brooke’s phone was buzzing away on the floor as Vanjie was tagging him left and right instead of showing it to him on his own screen like a normal person.

“Wake up.”

“I’m not sleeping.”

“We’re gonna miss breakfast.”

“Mmh.” Brooke sat up, Vanjie already out and getting dressed, his boyfriend pulling on a lilac hoodie and white shorts. Brooke looked at his suitcase, all the new clothes there suddenly taunting him.”

“Here.”

Vanjie threw him a top, and Brooke caught it. He held it up, recognising it as his red hoodie. “You want me to wear this?“

“Sure? Isn’t it one of your classics? Keeping it tight for the hytes and shit?”

Brooke laughed, slipping into it as Vanjie threw a pair of shorts his way too. “You don’t want to pick any of the new stuff?”

“No.”

“You sure?”

“You’re being awfully insistant miss thing.” Vanjie looked at Brooke, and Brooke suddenly realised he had never explained. “You sure you’re not hiding any of those dirty little secrets?”

“I bought them for you.” Brooke blurted it out, barely even realising he had said it.

“That’s real sweet of you, but I don’t wear floral, and there ain’t no way I can fit in a large-”

“No, not for you. I got them…” Brooke bit his cheek, suddenly realising how stupid it sounded. “I got them for photos.”

“For photos?”

Brooke stood up, pulling on his shorts, the fact that he hadn’t bothered with underwear not even crossing his mind. “So I don’t always wear the same stuff.” Brooke stood up, slipping on the shorts. “You know, on your Instagram.”

Brooke tied the string, fully expecting a response from Vanjie, but when he got nothing, he looked up to see his boyfriend frozen on the spot, cologne bottle and cap in hand.

“You did this for me?”

“And me I guess, if we’re being totally honest.” Brooke bit his lip. “I was just tired of embarrassing yo-”

Vanjie shot into Brooke’s arms, the smaller man jumping, legs and arms clinging to him like a koala as Vanjie kissed him, both of them falling into the bed, Vanjie attacking him with nothing but love for the first time and eager, sloppy kisses.

/

“Did you hear anything last night?”

Nina bit her lip. “No. Not a peep. Did you?”

A’keria smirked, and Nina knew exactly what A’keria was refering to, though she was pretty sure her friend believed she was the one who had had a round of whatever marathon monkey sex Brook and Vanjie had engaged in. They were all having breakfast, Nina sitting with A’keria as she was used to, A’keria making her way through her bowl of cereal, and while Nina would usually have been devouring her small tower of croissants, she hadn’t been able to this morning. She had made a run for it as soon as she could last night, unsure if Brooke and Vanjie were going to tear each other’s heads off, or fuck their way through the floor. She had sought refuge in Ariel’s room, the brunette for once actually opening her door which Nina had been beyond grateful for.

Everyone else was at breakfast, except Vanjie and Brooke, and Nina was slowly but surely tearing her way through her pastries, the delicious treats getting turned to a mountain of flakes on her plate, when Brooke and Vanjie finally entered the room, the two walking hand in hand and heading directly for the breakfast buffet. A’keria finished her food, leaving with a smile to Nina, before Brooke and Vanjie sat down, both carrying matching trays of food.

“Hey.” Brooke was the first one to break the silence, and Nina was about to explode with curiosity and worry.

“Hey.” She tried to keep her face in place, answering Brooke’s greeting, but then, Vanjie smiled, and Nina swore she felt a stone drop from her heart, all three of them laughing together, Nina possibly the loudest out of all of them. She reached out, grabbing both of their hands.

“I’m so glad you guys figured it out.”

Brooke nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. “Me too.” Brooke was practically radiating, and Nina felt her heart sing, except when she noticed the flicker in her friends eye.

“… Where is the poop Brooke?”

“What makes you think there’s a poop?” Brooke took a sip of his coffee, very obviously looking anywhere but directly at Nina. “Vanjie and I are amazing, it really helped to talk things ou-”

“Where is the poop Brooke?”

“I’m not-”

Vanjie laughed, and Brooke sighed. “Fine. Fine.” Brooke put his cup down, Vanjie gently nudging his shoulder, and Brooke looked directly at Nina. “So.. I was just wondering.. What size Disney shirt do you wear?”

Nina felt like a bucket of ice cold water had been dumped over her. “No. Please don’t tell me-”

“Large? X-tra large?” Brooke searched her face, his blue eyes watching her every move. “Medium? Nina do you use a medium?” Brooke bit his lip. “You just need to nod.”

“I really hope the makeup sex was beyond amazing.”

Vanjie smiled. "Oh don’t worry. It was.”

[nataandreev]

Fragments from “Sister Outsider” Essays & Speeches by Audre Lorde

“Sister Outsider” was probably one of the most soul-fucking-searching book I ever read in my life. It made me question what I stand for so many times, that it made me sick to my stomach. I realized that I am not that good at this self-reflective-shit.

That my efforts of doing better are not anywhere close to where they should be. Audre Lorde taught me through her works that I got a lot of work to do. Like a lot. Her truth cuts deep. She has no mercy and her opinions are raw. They are hard to swallow. There were moments when I had to pause, because I wasn’t fully understanding it and weird enought I finished to read it today, February 18, 2020, on her birthday. Audre would’ve turn today 86 yo. Here are just a few fragments from the book, but, please, if you can read the whole thing. 

Biography:

Audre Lorde is an American writer, feminist, womanist, librarian, and civil rights activist. As a poet, she is best known for technical mastery and emotional expression, as well as her poems that express anger and outrage at civil and social injustices she observed throughout her life. Her poems and prose largely deal with issues related to civil rights, feminism, lesbianism, illness and disability, and the exploration of black female identity via Wikipedia.

⁃ Poetry Is Not a Luxury

We are all more blind to what we have than to what we have not. The white fathers told us: I think therefore I am. The Black mother within each of us-the poet-whispers in our dreams: I feel, therefore I can be free. ⁃ The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action For within living structures defined by profit, by linear power, by institutional dehumanization, our feelings were not meant to survive. Kept around as unavoidable adjuncts or pleasant pastimes, feelings were expected to kneel to thought as women were expect to kneel to men. But women have survived. As poets. And there are no new pains. We have felt them all already. We have hidden that fact in the same place where we have hidden our power. They surface in our dreams, and it is our dreams that point the way to freedom. In becoming forcibly and essentially aware of my mortality, and of what I wished and wanted for my life, however short it might be, priorities and omissions became strongly etched in a merciless light, and what I most regretted were my silences. And I began to recognize a source of power within myself that comes from the knowledge that while it is most desirable not to be afraid, learning to put fear into a perspective gave me great strength. “Tell them about how you’re never really a whole person if you remain silent, because there’s always that one little piece inside you that wants to be spoken out, and if you keep ignoring it, it gets madder and madder and hotter, and if you don’t speak it out one day it will punch you in the mouth from the inside.” Because the machine will try to grind you into dust anyway, whether or not we speak. We can sit in our corners mute forever while our sisters and our selves are wasted, while our children are distorted, while our earth is poisoned; we can sit in our safe corners mute as bottles, and we will still be no less afraid. ⁃ Scratching the Surface: Some Notes on Barriers to Women and Loving The above forms of human blindness (racism, sexism, heterosexism and homophobia) stem from the same root - an inability to recognize the notion of difference as a dynamic human force, one which is enriching rather than threatening to define self, when there are shared goals. This kind of action is a prevalent error among oppressed peoples. It is based upon the false notion that there is only a limited and particular amount of freedom that must be divided up between us, with the largest and juiciest pieces of liberty going as spoils to the victor or the strongest. So instead of joining together to fight for more, we quarrel between ourselves for a larger slice of the one pie. ⁃ Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power* In order to perpetuate itself, every oppression must corrupt or distort those various sources of power within the culture of oppressed that can provide energy for change. The erotic is a measure between the beginnings of our sense of self and the chaos of our strongest feelings. It is an internal sense of satisfaction to which, once we experienced it, we know we can aspire. The principal horror of any system which defines the good in terms of profit rather than in terms of human need, or which defines human need to the exclusion of the psychic and emotional components of that need - the principal horror of such a s system is that it robs our work of its erotic value, it’s erotic power and life appeal and fulfillment. Such a system reduces work to a travesty of necessities, a duty by which we earn bread or oblivion for ourselves and those we love. But this is tantamount to blinding a painter and then telling her to improve her work, and to enjoy the act of painting. It is not only next to impossible, it is also profoundly cruel. That self-connection shared is a measure of the joy which I know myself to be capable of feeling, a reminder of my capacity for feeling. And that deep and irreplaceable knowledge of my capacity for joy comes to demand from all of my life that it be lived within the knowledge that such satisfaction is possible, and does not have to be called marriage , nor god , nor an afterlife. ⁃ Sexism: An American Disease in Blackface Black feminism is not white feminism in blackface. Black women have particular and legitimate issues which affect our lives as Black women, and addressing those issues does not make us any less Black. Now I am sure there are still some Black men who marry white women because they feel a white woman can better fit the model of “femininity” set forth in this country. As Black women and men, we cannot hope to begin dialogue by denying the oppressive nature of male privilege. And if Black makes choose to assume that privilege for whatever reason- raping,brutalizing, and killing Black women- then ignoring these acts of Black male oppression within our communities can only serve our destroyers. One oppression does not justify another. As people, we most certainly must work together. It would be shortsighted to believe that Black men alone are to blame for the above situations in a society dominated by white male privilege. But the Black male consciousness must be raised to the realization that sexism and woman-hating are critically dysfunctional to his liberation as Black man because they arise out of the same constellation that engenders racism and homophobia. ⁃ Man Child: A Black Lesbian Feminist’s Response Men who are afraid to feel must keep women around to do their feeling for them while dismissing us for the same supposedly “inferior “ capacity to feel deeply. But in this way also, men deny themselves their own essential humanity, becoming trapped in dependency and fear. “The next time you come in here crying ...,” and I suddenly caught myself in horror. This is the way we allow the destruction of our sons to begin in the name of protection and to ease our own pain. My son get beaten up? I was about to demand that he buy that first lesson in the corruption of power, that might makes right I could hear my cell beginning to perpetuate the age old distortions about what strength and ready bravery really are. It is hard for our children to believe that we are not only potent as it is for us to know it, as parents. But that knowledge is necessary as the first step in the reassessment of power as something other than might, age, privilege, or the lack of fear. It is important to step for a boy, whose societal destruction begins when he’s forced to believe that he can only be strong if he doesn’t feel, or if he wins. ⁃ An interview: Audre Lorde and Adrienne Rich They were very streetwise, but they had done very little work with themselves as Black women. They had done it only in relation to, against, whitey. The enemy was always outside. I did that course in the same way I did all the others, which was learning as I went along, asking the hard questions, not knowing what was coming next. The learning process is something you can incite, literally incite, like a riot. And then, just possibly, hopefully, it goes home, or on. I knew, as I had always known, that the only way you can head people off from using who you are against you is to be honest and open first, to talk about yourself before they talk about you. It wasn’t even courage. Speaking up was a protective mechanism for myself. The Black mother who is the poet exists in everyone of us. Now when males or patriarchal thinkers (whether male or a female) reject a combination, then we are truncated. Rationality is not necessary. It serves the chaos of knowledge. It serves feeling. It servers to get from this place to that place. But if you don’t honor those places, then the road is meaningless. Because we cannot fight old power in old power terms only. The only way we can do it is by creating another whole structure that touches every aspect of our existence, at the same time as we are resisting. There are different choices facing Black and white women in life, certain specifically different pitfalls surrounding us because of our experiences, our color. Not only are some of the problems that face us dissimilate, but some of the entrapments in the weapons used to neutralizers are not the same. I wish we could explore this more , about you and me, but also in general. I think it needs to be talked about, written about it: the differences in alternatives or choices we are offered as black and white women. There is a danger of seeing it in an all or nothing way. I think it’s very complex thing done what women are constantly offer choices or the appearance of choices but also real choices that are undeniable. We don’t always perceive the difference between the two. But documentation does not help one perceive. At best it only analyzes the perception that at worst, it provides a screen by which to avoid concentrating on the court revelation, following it down to how it feels. Again, knowledge and understanding. They can function in concert, but they don’t replace each other. But I am not rejecting your need for documentation. I can document the road to Abomey for you, and true, you might not get there without that information. I can respect what you are saying. But once you get there, only you know why, what you came for, as you search for it and perhaps find it. So at certain stages that request documentation as a blinder, a questioning of my perceptions. Someone once said to me that I hadn’t documented the goddess in Africa, the woman bond that moves throughout The Black Unicorn. I had to laugh. I am a poet, not a historian. I’ve shared my knowledge, I hope. Now you go documented it, if you, if you wish. I was holding back because I had not asked myself the question: “Why is women loving women so frightening to black men unless they want to assume the white male position?” It was a question of how much I could bear, and of not realizing I could bear more than I thought I could at the time. It was also a question of how could I use that perception other than just in rage or destruction. What understanding begins to do is to make knowledge available for use, and that’s the urgency, that’s the push , that’s the drive. That you had to understand what you knew and also make it available to others. ⁃ Master’s Tools For women, the need and desire to nurture each other is not pathological but redemptive, and it is within that knowledge that our real power is rediscovered. It is this real connection which is so feared by a patriarchal world. Only within a patriarchal structure is maternity the only social power open to women. Interdependency between women is the way to a freedom which allows the I to be, not in order to be used, but in order to be creative. This is the difference between the passive be and the active being. For the master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house. They may allow us temporarily to beat him at his own game, but they will never enable us to bring about genuine change. And this fact is only threatening to those women who still define the master’s house as their only source of support. If white American feminist theory need not deal with the difference in oppressions, then how do you deal with the fact that the women who clean your houses and tend your children while you attend conferences on feminist theory are, for the most part, poor women and women of color? What is the theory behind racist feminism. The failure of academic feminists to recognize difference as a crucial strength is a failure to reach beyond the first patriarchal lesson. In our world, divide and conquer must become define and empower. In academic feminist circles, the answer to these questions is often, “We did not know who to ask.” But that is the same evasion of responsibility, the same cop-out, that keeps Black women’s art out of women’s exhibitions, Black women’s work out of most feminist publications except for the occasional “Special Third World Women’s Issue,” and Black women’s texts off your reading lists. But as Adrienne Rich pointed out in a recent talk, white feminists have educated themselves about such an enormous amount over the past ten years, how come you haven’t also educated yourselves about Black women and the difference between us-white and Black-when it is key to our survival as a movement? Women of today are still being called upon to stretch across the gap of male ignorance and to educate men as to our existence and our needs. This is an old and primary tool of all oppressors to keep the oppressed occupied with the master’s concerns. Now we hear that it is the task of women of Color to educate white women-in the face of tremendous resistance-as to our existence, our differences, our relative roles in our joint survival. This is a diversion of energies and a tragical repetition of racist patriarchal thought. Simone de Beauvoir once said: “It is in the knowledge of the genuine conditions of our lives that we must draw our strength to live and our reasons for acting.” Racism and homophobia are real conditions of all our lives in this place and time. I urge each one of us here to reach down into that deep place of knowledge inside herself and touch that terror and loathing of any difference that lives there. See whose face it wears. Then the personal as the political can begin to illuminate all our choices. ⁃ Age, Race, Class, and Sex: Women Redefining Difference Black and Third World people are expected to educate white people as to our humanity. Women are expected to educate men. Lesbians and gay men are expected to educate the heterosexual world. The oppressors maintain their position and evade responsibility for their own actions. There is a constant drain of energy which might be better used in redefining ourselves and devising realistic scenarios for altering the present and constructing the future. Too often , we pour the energy needed for recognizing and exploring difference into pretending those differences are insourmountable barriers, or that they do you not exist at all. The results in a voluntary isolation or false and treacherous connections. Either way, we did not develop tools for using human difference as a springboard for a creative change within our lives. We speak not of human difference but if human deviance. By and large within the women’s movement today, white women focus upon their oppression as women and ignore differences of race, sexual preference, class, and age. There is a pretense to a homogeneity of experience covered by the world sisterhood that does not in fact exist. Unacknowledged class differences rob women of each other’s energy and creative insight. By ignoring the past, we are encouraged to repeat its mistakes. The “generation gap” is an important social tool for any repressive society. If the younger members of a community view the older members as contemptible or suspect or excess, they will never be able to join hands and examine the living memories of the community nor ask the all important question, “Why?” This gives rise to a historical amnesia that keeps us working to invent the wheel every time we have to go to the store for bread. Ignoring the differences of race between women and the implications of those differences presents the most serious threat to the mobilization of women’s joint power. As white women ignore their built-in privilege of whiteness and define and woman in terms of their own experience alone then women of color become “other,” the outsider whose experience and tradition is too “alien” to comprehend. Refusing to recognize differences makes it impossible to see the different problems and pitfalls facing us as women. The tokenism that is sometimes extended to us is not an invitation to join power; our racial “otherness” is a visible reality that makes that quite clear. For white women there is a wider range of pretended choices and rewards for identifying with patriarchical power and its tools. Today, with the defeat of ERA, the tightening economy, and increased conservatism It is easier once again for white women to believe the dangerous fantasy that if you are good enough pretty enough sweet enough quite enough teach the children to behave hate the right people and married the right man then you will be allowed to coexist with patriarchy in relative peace at least until a man needs your job or the neighborhood rapist happens along and true unless one lives in loves in the trenches it is difficult to remember that the war against dehumanization is senseless. Some problems we share as women, some we do not. You fear your children will grow up to join the patriarchy and testify against you we fear our children will be dragged from a car and shut down in the street and you turn your backs up on the reasons why they’re dying. Within black communities where racism is a living reality, differences among us often seem dangerous and suspect. The need for unity is often misnamed as a need for homogeneity, and a black feminist vision mistaken for betrayal of our common interests as people. Because of the continuous battle against a racial erasure the black women and black men share, some black women still refused to recognize that we are also opressed as women and that sexual hostility against black women as practiced not only by the white racist society but implemented within our black communities as well. It is a disease striking the heart of black nation of hood and silence will not make it disappear. Exacerbated by racism and the pressures of powerlessness, violence against black women and children often becomes a standard within our communities, one by which manliness can be measured. But this woman-hating acts are rarely discussed as crimes against black women. “As long as male domination exists, rape will exist. Only women revolting and men made conscience of their responsibility to fight sexism can collectively stop rape.” - Kalamu ya Salaam, a black male writer Black women who once insisted that lesbianism was a white woman’s problem now insist that black lesbians are a threat to black nationhood, are consorting with the enemy, are basically on un-black. These accusations, coming from the very women to whom we look for deep and real understanding, have served to keep many black lesbians in hiding, caught between the racism of white women and the homophobia of their sisters. What are the particular details within each of our lives that can be scrutinized and altered to help bring about change? How do we redefine difference for all women? It is not our differences which separate women, but our reluctance to recognize those differences and to deal effectively with the distortion which have resulted from the ignoring and misnaming of those differences. All of us have had to learn to live or work Or coexist with men from our fathers on. We have recognized and negotiated this differences, even when this recognition only continued the old dominant/subordinate mode of human relationship, where the oppressed must recognize the masters’ difference in order to survive. But our future survival predicated upon our ability to relate within equality. As women we must root our internalize patterns of oppression within ourselves if we are to move beyond the most superficial aspects of social change. Now we must recognize differences among women who are our equals, neither inferior nor superior, and devise ways to each to others’ difference to enrich our visions and our joint struggles. ⁃ The Uses of Anger: Women Responding to Racism Guilt and defensiveness are bricks in a wall against which we all flounder; they serve none of our futures. ⁃ Learning from the 60s When we disagreed with one another about the solution to a particular problem, we were often far more vicious to each other than to the originators of our common problem. We forget that the necessary ingredients needed to make the past work for the future is our energy in the present, metabolizing one into the other. Continuity does not happen automatically, nor is it a passive process. That is how I learned that if I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive. My poetry, my life, my work, my energies for struggle were not acceptable unless I pretended to match somebody’s else’s norm. I learned that not only couldn’t I succeed at that game, but the energy needed for that masquerade would be lost to my work. We are functioning under government ready to repeat in El Salvador and Nicaragua the tragedy of Vietnam, a government which stands on the wrong side of every single battle for liberation taking place upon this globe. Decisions to cut aid for the terminally eel, for the elderly, for dependent children, for food stamps, even school lunches, are being made by men with full stomachs who live in comfortable houses with two cars and umpteen tax shelters. None of them go hungry to bed at night. Recently, it was suggested that senior citizens be hired to work in atomic plants because they’re close to the end of their lives anyway. Revolution is not a one time event. It is becoming always vigilant for the smallest opportunity to make a genuine change in established, outgrown responses; for instants, it is learning to address each other’s difference with respect. You do not have to be me in order for us to fight alongside each other.I do not have to be you to recognize that they were Warriors are the same.what we must do is commit ourselves to some future that can include each other and to work toward that future it with the particular strength of our individual identities dot and the other in an order to do this, we must allow each other our differences at the same time as we recognize our sameness. ⁃ Eye to Eye: Black Women, Hatred and Anger It is easier to deal with the external manifestations of racism and sexism then it is to deal with the results of those distortions internalized within our consciousness of ourselves and one another. Anger - a passion of displeasure that may be excessive or misplaced but not necessarily harmful. Hatred - and emotional habit or attitude of mine in which aversion is coupled with ill will. Anger, used, does not destroy. Hatred does. Growing up, metabolizing hatred like a daily bread. Because I’m black, because I’m a woman, because I’m not black enough, because I am not some particular fantasy of a woman, because I AM. On such a consistent diet one can eventually come to value the hatred of one’s enemies more than one values the love of friends, for that hatred becomes the source of anger, and anger as a powerful fuel. Anger is useful to help clarify our differences, but in the long run, strength that is bred by anger alone as a blind fours which cannot create the future. It can only demolish the past. Such strength does not focus upon what lies ahead, but up on what lies behind, upon what created it - hatred. And hatred is a deathwish for the hated, not to a lifewish for anything else. For example: At this point in time, were racism to be totally eradicated from those middle range relationships between black women and white women, those relationships might become deeper, but they would still never satisfy our particular black woman’s need for one another, given our shared knowledge and traditions and history. There are two very different struggles involved here. One is the war against racism in white people, and the other is the need for black women to confront and wade through the racist constructs underlying our deprivation of each other. and this battles are not at all the same. Most of the black women I know think I cry too much, or that I am to public about it. I’ve been told that crying makes me seem soft and therefore of little consequence. As if our softness has to be the price we pay out for power, rather than simply the one that’s paid most easily and most often. “Don’t trust white people because they mean us no good and don’t trust anyone darker than you because they are hearts are as black as their faces.” (And where did that leave me, the darkest one?) it is painful even now to write it down. How many messages like that come down to all of us, and in how many different voices, how many different ways? And how can we expunge these messages from our consciousness without first recognizing what it was they were saying, and how destructive they were? When there is no connection at all between people, then anger is a way of bringing them closer together, of making contact. but when there is a great deal of connectedness that is problematic or threatening or acknowledged, then anger is a way of keeping people separate and putting distance between us. That’s because we sometimes rise to each other‘s defense against outsiders, we do not need to look at devaluation and dismissal among ourselves. Support against outsider is very different from cherishing each other. We refused to give up the artificial distances between us, or to examine all real differences for creative exchange. I am too different for us to communicate. Meaning, I must establish myself as not you. And the road to anger is paid with our unexpressed fear of each other’s judgment. ⁃ Grenada Revisited: An Interim Report This short, undeclared, and cynical weren’t against Granada is not a new direction for American foreign policy. It is merely a blatant example of 160 year old course of action called the Monroe doctrine. In its name America has invaded small Caribbean and Central American countries over and over again since 1823, cloaking this invasion is under a variety of names. 38 such invasion secured prior to 1917 before the Soviet Union even existed. I am only a relative. I must listen long and hard and ponder the implications of what I have heard, or be guilty of the same quick arrogance of the US government in believing their external solutions to Granados future.

[cassiexbailey]

HOLY SHIT IS THAT [ KAT MCNAMARA ]?! Oh, wait it’s just [ CASSIOPEIA “CASSIE” BAILEY ]. Damn, [ SHE/HER ] looks good for [ 22 ], good thing that they’re [ BISEXUAL ], I might have a chance. I hear that they call them the [ NANCY DREW ] of the [ NORTH SIDE ]. I guess that’s because they’re [ INDEPENDENT ] and [ RESOURCEFUL ]. But I don’t think a lot of people know that they’re also [ SECRETIVE ] and [ STUBBORN ].

01. BASICS

Full Name: Cassiopeia Sebine Bailey

Nickname: Cassie, Cas, Teeny

Sex/Gender: Female

Birthday: November 11, 1996

Age: 22

Astrological Sign: Scorpio

Occupation: Private Investigator

Spoken Languages: English, French, Italian

Sexual Orientation: Bisexual; Heteroromantic

Birthplace: Riverdale, MA

Hometown: Port Townsend, WA // Chicago, IL

Relationship status: Single but complicated

02. PHYSICAL TRAITS

Hair Color/Style: Red-orange or blonde, depending on her mood; she was born with bright red hair, but when she was younger she used to dye it dirty blonde so that she’d look more like her mother; since she found out both of her parents were lying to her about who she was, she let her hair go back to it’s natural color. As for style, she doesn’t really style it often, but it’s usually either down, in a ponytail, or put up in a messy clip

Eye Color: Green

Face Claim: Kat McNamara

Height: 5′3″

Weight: 120 pounds

Tattoos: a large phoenix covering part of her back and left hip symbolizing her love for Greek myth but also as a means for covering up an old stab wound; a small ring of laurel leaves with ‘03/19/1980′ on one side and ‘06/12/2019′ on the other on the inside of her right arm, representing her mother { photos coming soon }

Piercings: Both her ears are pierced twice

Unique Attributes: coming soon

Defining Gestures/Movements: running a hand through her hair; bouncing her leg/knee when she’s nervous; cracking her neck and knuckles; drumming her fingers on whatever surface she’s nearby

Posture: Decent posture, but slouches from time to time

03. PERSONALITY TRAITS

Pet Peeves: { she has a lot okay? this isn’t even all of them } ignorance, lairs, cheaters, being chronically late, people who talk loudly on their phones, people chewing loudly or with their mouths open, people who walk slowly in the middle of the sidewalk or stop suddenly, line cutters, people who don’t use their turn signals, bad grammar, passive aggressive behavior (even though she’s guilty of this herself), people who refer to themselves in the third person 

Hobbies/Interests: dance, writing, photography, criminal justice, reading, cooking, hiking

Special Skills/Abilities: private investigation, adaptable, researching, staying calm under pressure

Likes: sex, coffee, tattoos, photography, hiking, swimming, astrology, astronomy, nature, traveling

Dislikes: rude people, ignorance, fake people, cigarettes/smoking in general

Insecurities: losing people she cares about, not being good enough for someone { i’ll probably add more later }

Quirks/Eccentricities: coming soon

Strengths: coming soon

Weaknesses: coming soon

Speaking Style: coming soon

Temperament: she can keep a calm head in most situations, but she does have a bad temper

04. FAMILY & HOME

Immediate Family: Edward Bailey (Anderson) { father }; Sebine Smythe { mother }; Athena Bailey { adopted mother, deceased }; Sebastian Smythe { half-brother }, Sebrina Smythe { half-sister, deceased }; Bruce Anderson { uncle }; Blaine Anderson { cousin }; Darius Anderson { cousin }

How do they feel about their family? coming soon

How does their family feel about them? coming soon

Pets: None yet

Where do they live? She lives in a small one bedroom house in the neutral zone

Description of their home: coming soon

Description of their bedroom: coming soon

05. THIS OR THAT

Introvert or Extrovert? A bit of both, depending on the situation and people

Optimist or Pessimist?

Leader or Follower?

Confident or Self-Conscious? A bit of both

Cautious or Careless?

Religious or Secular? Raised Catholic, but doesn’t practice anymore

Passionate or Apathetic?

Book Smarts or Street Smarts? Both

Compliments or Insults? Depends on the person

Pajamas or Lingerie? Neither; she sleeps in a loose-fitting tank top and short shorts

06. FAVORITES

Favorite Color: dark green

Favorite Clothing Style/Outfit: coming soon

Favorite Bands/Songs/Type of Music: coming soon

Favorite Movies: coming soon

Favorite Books: coming soon

Favorite Foods/Drinks: coffee

Favorite Sports/Sports Teams: She doesn’t necessarily have a favorite team, but she enjoys watching hockey and football

Favorite Time of Day: early evening

Favorite Weather/Season: tied between fall and winter; she loves the cold

Favorite Animal: wolf

07. MISCELLANEOUS

Fears/Superstitions: not being good enough; people finding out who she really is and blaming her for Sebrina’s death

Political Views: she doesn’t really care to be honest; she doesn’t have a party declared, she votes with who she thinks will be best at the time

Addictions: coffee, sex

Best School Subject: English, History

Worst School Subject: Math

School Clubs/Sports: dance team

How does she get money? she owns her own private investigation business

How is she with technology? very adept; not hacker-level, but she can get by

08. PAST & FUTURE

Fondest Memory: learning to cook with her mother

Deepest, Darkest Secret: coming soon

Dream Vacation: coming soon

Best thing that has ever happened to this character: coming soon

Worst thing that has ever happened to this character: Losing her mother and learning that both she and Edward had been lying to her for her entire life

What do they want to be when they grow up? she is grown up, and she’s doing what she wants to do; that being said, married to someone who loves her for who she is. maybe a few kids.

Perfect Date: she doesn’t really have anything in mind for a perfect date. good food, good company. that’s all she can ask for.

09. BRIEF BIOGRAPHY

triggers: mention of presumed KIA military status, drive-by gun violence, torture, murder, death

Growing up, life for Sebine Laurent had been anything but normal. Her parents had died at a young age, leaving her growing up as an orphan on the South Side. Early in her teen years, she fell in love with a young South Sider named Edward Anderson - the youngest son of the Serpents leader. The two were together for years, but despite this relationship when the Smythes came looking for a wife for their youngest son, Sebine ended things with Edward per her new in-laws demands; they shoved a hefty prenup in her direction demanding she not bring any scandal to the family name via her relationship with the South Side boy she had been involved with for so long, and she had begrudgingly accepted it in search of a better life.

Years passed without any contact between Edward and Sebine. She gave birth to two beautiful twins, Sebastian and Sebrina, and her life seemed perfect; her marriage was far from perfect, but she loved her family regardless. A chance encounter brought Edward and Sebine back into each other's lives, and the spark quickly reignited between the two of them. The Smythes knew what was going on between their daughter-in-law and her old flame, but they let it go. They had their picture-perfect family and their beautiful grandchildren. As far as everyone else was concerned, the Alexander and Sebine Smythe had the perfect family. Problems quickly arose, though, when Sebine fell pregnant, and it was clear that Alexander wasn't the father this time.

The family threatened to leave her completely desolate if she didn't end things with the Serpent once and for all, including giving the baby to the Sisters of Quiet Mercy once Sebine had given birth. They thought they had everything under control until Edward refused to be pushed out of Sebine's life for a second time. He had secret, grand plans to sweep Sebine away from her life in the North Side so they could run away to be together, but her in-laws intercepted. They gave Edward a counter-offer that was almost too hard to refuse. Sebine would never leave with him, but he could still have a piece of her; they offered to give him a substantial amount of money to get out of the gang-life that was expected of him in the South Side as well as to leave Riverdale with the baby and never return.

After trying and failing to convince Sebine to leave with him, Edward refused the Smythe’s offer at first, though instead of leaving town like they had asked, he simply took Cassie and left the North side. He returned to the familiarity of the South Side with his daughter, but instead of pledging his loyalty to the Serpents like he was expected to - like his older brother, Bruce, had done - he joined the Ghoulies alongside his best friend, Luca Gilbert. His brother was furious at this perceived betrayal, especially since Bruce had taken over the Serpents in the wake of their father’s passing in the years before. Knowing how angry Bruce was, Edward and Luca prepared for some sort of retaliation, but after weeks of quiet on the Serpents end it seemed as if it wasn’t going to come. In retrospect, Edward should have known better.

Time passed and a relative peace between the Serpents and the Ghoulies settled in. Weeks turned into months. Months into years. It was just long enough that Edward and Luca began to let their guard down, and that was all the chance that Bruce needed. He knew attacking Edward wouldn’t work - while Bruce was brutal and merciless, his brother was worse, and he knew Bruce’s few weaknesses. Hurting Edward himself wouldn’t work, and even he wouldn’t have touched his newborn niece, though he’d never admit that particular fact to anyone. Instead, Bruce turned his rage towards Luca and Derek Gilbert; Luca was Edward’s best friend, and he’d come to see Derek as a son himself. Hurting Edward by killing his family was the best kind of revenge Bruce could have come up with; he knew it would break his baby brother.

Two years of relative quiet between the gangs on the Southside passed, and then suddenly Luca and Derek went missing. Edward had searched for his family for a few days until he got the word from fellow Ghoulies that they’d found Luca’s body beside the river that runs through Fox Forest. He’d been beaten and clearly tortured to death, but they’d been unable to find Derek; from what they could tell, though, it seemed as if he had suffered the same fate as his father. From what he’d seen of the scene himself, Edward suspected that Bruce had dumped Derek’s body in the river as a means of torturing him even further. There would be no closure without the body, and Bruce knew Edward enough to know how much that would bother him.

Losing both Luca and Derek did exactly what Bruce thought it would have done: it broke Edward. When Bruce threatened to kill Cassie if Edward didn’t leave Riverdale behind him, Edward had no choice but to take his daughter and run. He didn’t stick around long enough to learn that police found Derek wandering through the woods alone days later. Instead, he went back to the Smythes. While they wouldn’t give him as much as they had initially offered, they still gave him a hefty amount of money when he threatened to make his affair with Sebine public knowledge. Taking the hush money that they gave him, Edward changed his last name and left the small town in his rear-view mirror with his daughter in tow. Moving them all the way across the country, Edward set out to put his past in the past and start over.

Cassie spent most of her early life in Port Townsend, Washington, a small maritime town located just north of Seattle, with absolutely no recollection of her early life in Riverdale. Edward wanted to get as far away from Riverdale as possible, and a small town located literally on the other side of the country seemed like the best option to him.

Six months after moving to Port Townsend, Edward met a woman named Athena working as an emergency room resident in the local hospital. He’d been working various protection details for important people around the city and had been stabbed while protecting someone. What started as innocent flirtation between Athena and Edward quickly blossomed into something more. She looked beyond the damaged and rough exterior to the broken man inside, and it was Athena who helped him begin to heal. She knew who he was and what kind of man he had been raised to be, and she loved him anyway. She treated and raised Cassie as her own, and she is the only mother that Cassie has ever known.

Shortly after Cassie’s ninth birthday, Athena took a job at a medical center in the South Side of Chicago, and before she knew it, Cassie’s life was being uprooted and moved back east. Edward took various jobs in an attempt to keep up the semi normal life he’d been living in Port Townsend, but eventually he fell back into the only life he’d ever known, working as an enforcer for a local mob group in the city. It was the only real talent he had, and while Athena didn’t necessarily approve of it she stood by the man’s side regardless as he fell back into the familiar role. As she grew older, Cassie began following in her father’s footsteps, though Edward’s way of life was the last thing either parent wanted for Cassie. With time, though, they came to realize that there was no stopping the young woman. Much like both of her parents, once she set her mind to something there was no way she was going to budge.

Shortly after graduating from high school, Cassie literally ran into the man of her dreams. Anthony had stopped by a local diner for lunch; the same diner that Cassie was working part-time in. She had been in a hurry and not fully paying attention and slammed right into the taller man as he went to take a seat at one of the booths; luckily, his reflexes were amazing, and strong arms caught her before she could stumble backwards. He was only home on leave for a few weeks, but it only took a few short weeks for Cassie to fall head over heels in love with the Marine. Their relationship took off faster than most, but even to those around them it was as if they’d been together for years.

Cassie and Anthony were together for six months before he asked her to marry him. Her parents weren’t exactly thrilled at just how quickly the two had gotten to that point - it was one thing to approve of it, quite another to be okay with your daughter getting engaged after such a short time - but they didn’t object to it. Both Edward and Athena agreed that Anthony and Cassie were good for each other; the fact that he was going to be serving an entire deployment before they actually got married also helped Edward accept their engagement a little easier.

Tragedy struck their small family, though, when a notification party showed up on Cassie’s doorstep one morning to inform her that Anthony had officially been declared as Missing in Action, and Cassie and her family were listed as his only next of kin. Given the fact that he was a member of a Delta Force team, there wasn’t a lot that they could tell her about his disappearance, but they were certain that he had been gone missing during one of their missions. He had been presumed dead, but they hadn’t found a body so they couldn’t officially declare him Killed in Action yet. Cassie was torn apart at this news, but Edward and Athena were there to help her pick up the pieces. Even still, she hasn’t dated anyone since; there’s a part of her that hopes Anthony will show up on her doorstep one day.

Despite helping her father whenever she could, Cassie still had her own life as well. She had her own passions and interests outside of following in her father’s footsteps. Cassie had always been a curious nature, and after spending years of helping people on the South Side (of Chicago) with their own problems she decided to make a career out of it. Cassie enrolled in a local college to study criminal justice, though she dropped out just a few credits shy of graduating when another tragedy struck her family once more.

Throughout his years as an enforcer, Edward had made more than a few enemies. He never worried about it until the day that one of those enemies came after his family. Athena had been waiting outside of a local, family-owned restaurant for Edward and Cassie to meet her there for a family night out - a tradition they had started when she began college - when she was shot multiple times in a drive-by shooting; Edward and Cassie had arrived moments later, and Cassie’s world began to come crashing down around her. Athena bled out in Edward’s arms while Cassie watched horrified from the sidelines.

In the months that followed, Cassie’s life was turned upside down. Not only had she lost the only mother she’d ever known, but she uncovered a truth she’d never thought possible. Edward had never hidden the fact that Athena wasn’t Cassie’s biological mother, but he had always told her that the woman who’d given birth to her had died in childbirth. Cassie had always believed him - she’d never had reason to doubt him - until the day she stumbled across letters between Sebine and Edward. She hadn’t thought anything of them at first, many of them were from when they were teenagers and before she was born, but then - as she continued to read - she realized that they continued for nearly a year after she was born. Letters in which Edward spoke about how he still loved her, but he understood her decision to stay with the Smythes, and he would continue to send her photos of Cassie as she grew. Not only had Edward lied about her mother’s death, but he’d kept an entire family from her for years.

In her anger, and after doing months worth of research on her mother and the woman’s family, Cassie left Chicago without a word to her father. She wasn’t sure exactly what she was looking for in Riverdale or from Sebine, but she knew she had to see the woman in person.

10. HEADCANONS

Cassie absolutely loves to dance. She stopped dancing for a while, but now that she’s in Riverdale she’s started going to Jackie’s dance studio more often.

[viostormcaller]

Ego Headcanons: Antisepticeye

Ah, how iconic to do both the hero and the villain on the same day. This is the last headcanons list! After this, you all will have the basics of my versions of the Egos. You can ask me questions about them too, of course, in case there's something I didn't mention that you wanted to know. And you know the drill, it's gonna be long, yadda yadda yadda. Now, without further ado, here's Anti's headcanons list:

Antisepticeye is a demon. Class: Tulpa. He's extremely powerful and dangerous and his form is always changing, not unlike a virus

The main source of his power comes from us and our attention. Whether we know it or not, he's been deriving his power from us with every video we watch, every mention of his name.

His presence is made known by glitches, and usually if there's glitches in a video, it means he's active. His presence affects technology, and that's why this happens. It's also why he can change the lights in a specific area, as well

Anti is a master of disguise. He can easily mask himself as one of the other Egos, and he can not only possess them, but hide his presence within them altogether.

Even though he sees all the Egos as his puppets, his toys to play with and break, he has a personal vendetta against Henrik. The good doctor ruined his plans on Halloween night by saving Jack's life. He got his revenge on August 3rd, and kidnapped Henrik and held him for 9 months as punishment for getting in the way.

Jack is Anti's original host, but since Jack is comatose he learned to control multiple hosts at once without losing too much power. Had he not tested this, though, Henrik wouldn't have escaped.

Because Chase is currently running the channel, on top of keeping Jack trapped in his mind, his main target is Chase.

Anti used to be known for his slit, always-bleeding throat, but in his most recent appearances his throat is completely healed over, not a scar in sight.

Anti can change his sclera from white to pitch black at will, and his right pupil (our left) can glow a bright green, though this has only been seen once.

Anti is extremely difficult to pin down, and is Jackie's top priority in terms of villains. Anti hasn't messed with Jackie yet, however, but he knows eventually he will

Despite what most might think, Anti is actually highly intelligent and very patient. He knows when to lie in wait, when to lay low and watch things unfold before striking. When he does attack, though, he's merciless and relentless and persistent.

Anti does not have a good or merciful bone in his body. He does not spare anyone, and he couldn't give a single fuck about anyone else. If you aren't useful to him, you're in his way and will be killed. No exceptions.

Anti is very cunning, and he's very cheeky. He knows just what to do to get us riled up, and a lot of the time he doesn't even have to do anything. He relies a lot less on our attention than he used to, but it still gives him a huge power boost when we're talking about him in excessive amounts

If there's anything Anti hates, though, it's being mocked. He no longer acts right away, preferring to wait until the right moment to deliver a fatal blow, but the punishment for this is extremely severe.

Anti doesn't get tired. He doesnt need to rely on normal human bodily processes and needs, simply because he's not human. To be without these limitations makes him a lot stronger

His favorite thing is to see his puppets suffer. He loves torturing his victims, and his nine months torturing Schneep were some of the best for him. His power has increased significantly during that time

Anti can't feel pain to the level that humans. That's why the cut in his throat never bothered him. His pain tolerance is inhumanely high

The symptoms his hosts feel change all the time and they vary depending on the situation and the person. Mood swings are a common one, as well as bleeding from the eyes, but even then those symptoms don't appear every time. This makes Anti extremely difficult to pin down, and he prefers to keep things that way

There isn't much known about Anti, and this sense of mystery that surrounds him is a perfect breeding ground for theories about him. To theorize about him means he gets attention, which is why he's always changing and adapting and his appearances are rarely ever the same.

And I think that's everything! Because not much is known about canon Anti it's hard to come up with much information and headcanons about him. So if this post is shorter than the others, that's why.

But yeah, that's the last of the headcanon lists!! They're all finally finished! Glad to have them all done! Once the inbox is cleared I'll make a post probably after a few days (when I'm feeling better) saying that prompts are open. Until then though you guys can ask me questions if you want!

[gphoenixsims]

Was tagged by @ultroslovesyou, thank you for thinking of me :D And since I know Ultros is Uncle Jacques #1 Fan, here you have him... again! With an updated image, just for you! :P There was also a Character Strengths meme, so I did that one too.

Negative traits meme

Rules: bold traits that apply always. Italicize occasional or situational traits. aggressive | arrogant | authoritarian | bitter | brutal | callous | cannibal | careless | cold/cold-hearted | compulsive | controlling | corrects others constantly | cowardly | critical | cruel | delusional | demanding | disillusioned | domineering | envious | emotionally stunted | greedy | grim | guarded | hard | harsh | hypocritical | impatient | impolite | intimidating | irritable | kidnapper | lazy | liar | lustful | manipulative | materialistic | mean | merciless | messianic | mistrusting | murderer | narrow-minded | obsessive | opinionated | over-bearing | over-critical | over-emotional | over-thinking | patronizing | proud | remote | repressed | rigid | rules with an iron fist | ruthless | sarcastic | self-righteous | self-indulgent | serial killer | taciturn | torturer | touchy | traitorous | unsympathetic | unpredictable | uptight | vain | vengeful

 Character Strengths Meme

Rules: bold traits that apply always. Italicize occasional or situational traits. adaptable | adventurous | affectionate | ambitious | artistic | athletic | assertive | beautiful | brave | charming | clever | compassionate | confident | considerate | cooperative | courteous | creative | curious | decisive | dependable | determined | diplomatic | easy-going | enthusiastic | fair | fashionable | forgiving | friendly | fun-loving | funny | generous | gentle | hard-working | heroic | honest | hopeful | humble |  imaginative | incorruptible | intelligent | intuitive | inventive | jocular | leader | lively | loving | loyal | merciful | musical | observant | open-minded | optimistic | organized | outgoing | passionate | patient | playful | polite | popular | practical | resourceful | self-assured | selfless | sensible | sincere | strong | studious | thoughtful | tough | versatile | warm-hearted | well-intentioned | wise | witty

And then Ultros tagged me on the judgement call one too, so yay for more Uncle Jacques! XD

Character Judgement Call

RULES: You can only say guilty or innocent. Don’t explain anything unless someone asks you.

  Asked someone to marry you? - Innocent

Kissed one of your friends? - Guilty

Danced on a table in a bar / tavern? - Guilty

Ever told a lie? - Guilty

Had feelings for someone whom you can’t have? - Guilty

Ever kissed someone of the same sex? – Innocent

Kissed a picture? - Innocent

Slept until 5pm? - Guilty

Fallen asleep at work / school? - Guilty

Held a snake? - Guilty

Been suspended from school? - Innocent

Worked at a fast food chain / restaurant? - Innocent

Stolen something? - Innocent

Been fired from a job? - Innocent

Done something you regret? - Guilty

Laughed until something you were drinking came out of your nose?- Guilty

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? - Innocent

Kissed in the rain? - Innocent

Sat on a roof top? - Innocent

Kissed someone you shouldn’t? - Guilty

Sang in the shower? - Guilty

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? - Guilty

Shaved your head? - Innocent

Slept naked? - Guilty

Made a boyfriend / girlfriend cry? - Guilty

Shot a gun? - Guilty

Still love someone you shouldn’t? - Innocent

Have / had a tattoo? - Innocent

Liked someone, but will never tell who? - Innocent

Been too honest? - Guilty

Ruined a surprise? - Guilty

Been told that you’re beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said? - Innocent

Still have communication w/ your ex? - Guilty

Cheated on someone? - Guilty

Got so angry that you cried? - Innocent

Tried to stay away from someone for their own good? - Innocent

Thoughts about suicide? - Innocent

Thoughts about murder? - Guilty

How about mass murder? - Innocent

Stalked someone? - Guilty

Had a girlfriend / boyfriend? - Guilty

Gotten totally drunk during a holiday? - Guilty As for tags, I’d tag anyone who wants to make a bit of character study, these are really good to flesh out a OC, I strongly advise anyone that has one to do this :)

[ronnyshaiwrites]

Long Lived the King: The Extent of Chivalry in Malory’s Le Morte d’Arthur

The chivalric code is a fundamental feature of Malory’s “The Deth of Arthur,” characterizing a system of conduct which unifies all knights in Arthurian society under the leadership of the King. The code serves the equally important purpose of holding knights accountable for their actions as well as prescribes how they should react in situations which put their honour, or that of their brethren, into question. Yet, the most direct challenge to chivalric code and the society on which it rests comes from within the inner circle of the Round Table itself. Sir Launcelot’s elicit sexual relationship to Queen Guinevere is a blatant misgiving on the part of Arthur’s most celebrated knight, causing an internal crisis in Arthur’s court for which the laws of chivalry provide no immediate solution. Although Launcelot strains his relationship to Arthur, the adverse response of Sir Gawain and other knights of the Round Table to Launcelot’s indiscretion only further aggravates the situation – ultimately resulting in fracturing of Arthur’s kingdom. Launcelot’s ability to employ discretion, even when it means his defiance of the chivalric code, contrasts Sir Gawain’s rigid obedience to his feudal obligations and together reveal the limitations of a society governed by the laws of honour.

From the moment of the Round Table’s inception, King Arthur makes the chivalric code central to his accretion of power. Arthur’s strict obedience to these laws lead him to overlook blatant contradictions within the code, allowing for the proliferation of conflicts that later cause his ruin. Honour codes, including Arthur’s, require unwavering compliance on behalf of knights to the tenets of civility and loyalty. In order to preserve their feudal lordships, knights thus have the obligation to maintain the image of their King as a respected leader. Arthur verbalizes the specific conditions of his code at the end of “The Weddyng of Kyng Arthur,” charging his knights “always to fle treson, and to gyff mercy unto him that askith mercy, uppon payne of forfeiture of their worship and lordship.” (Malory 77) The strict conditions of these laws rewards Knights for acting in defence of the King’s honour, even if it means doing so without taking into account the repercussions of their actions. This leads knights to immediately condemn outsiders for their disloyalty to the King and enables them to enact swift retribution upon those who wane from their responsibilities. However, the ideals of chivalric code do not reflect the diverse nature of interpersonal challenges which the knights face, nor does it adequality prepare them to deal with internal dissention. The knights of the Round Table reveal the adverse effects of the code’s rigidity through their inability to mediate their response to Launcelot’s indiscretions with the Queen. 

The same tenets of the honour code which brought Arthur success in the outside world, falter when issues arise from inside the court. In attempting to protect the honour of Arthur, Sir Agravain, Sir Gawain, and their followers, prove the code to lack a solution for dealing with internal conflict. Adversely, the limitations of the code ultimately cause the destruction of the Round Table. Sir Gawain’s invocation of the chivalric code in response to Launcelot’s indiscretions limits Arthur’s ability to stand up for Launcelot, holding both him and Gawain accountable to their feudal bonds:  

Now I shall make you a promyse whych I shall holde by my knyghthode, that frome thys day forewarde I shall never fayle Sir Launcelot untyll that one of us have slayne that other. And therefore I requyre you, my lorde and kynge, dresse you unto the warres, for wyte you well, I woll be revenged upon Sir Launcelot; and therefore, as ye woll have my servyse and my love, now haste you thereto and assay youre frendis. (659)

The inflexibility of the code forces knights to defend the honour of their lord and impedes their capacity to discern whether civil discourse rather than violence can remedy the conflict. Even Arthur, an avid supporter of Launcelot’s integrity, is forcibly made to take up arms against his long-standing companion. Sir Gawain’s inability to employ discretion when applying the code of honour to the situation of Sir Launcelot’s disloyalty emulates through Arthur, as the center of feudal society, to all corners of his kingdom.  

Employing the same language Arthur first uses to commit his men to the bond of chivalry, the knights, express a literal and rigid understanding of the honour code. Their inability to adapt their response to unique situations, such as Sir Launcelot’s, forbids them from showing mercy to even the most honourable knight among them. Many of Arthur’s men, including Gawain, call Launcelot a “traytoure,” (647) accusing him of committing “treson” (648) against the King. Unable to act against the word of the law, the knights disregard Launcelot’s previous acts of chivalrous loyalty and instead engage him in direct conflict. Sir Gawain is explicitly guilty of this, proven by his hypocritical remarks as to the strength of Sir Launcelot’s character. When Launcelot is initially accused of treason, Gawain is one of the first knights to come to his defence: “‘I will never be ayenste Sir Launcelot for one days dede: that was when he rescowed me frome Kynge Carados of the Dolerous Towre… and saved my lyff… methynkis suche noble dedis and kyndnes shulde be remembirde.’” (647) Following the death of his brothers, however, Gawain becomes increasingly less reasonable and reverts to acting in the provocatory manner prescribed by the chivalric code. Malory inadvertently comments on the rigidity of the code in the sense it forces the knights to act without regard to the individual or the situation they are uniting against. Instead, the chivalric code condemns a knight in the strongest possible manner for a single act of disloyalty, for if “they were founden gylty of treson there shuld be none other remedy but death, and othir the menour of the takynge with the dede shulde be causer of their hasty jougement.” (655) The generic “they” by which Malory refers to Launcelot, and more broadly to all those who betray the King, disregards the unique situation of Launcelot’s indiscretion. Gawain, as he previously states, knows Launcelot to possess loyalty, but in the face of overwhelming anger ultimately decides to treat him as any other disobedient knight. Sir Gawain’s lack of discretion serves only to further doom Arthur by pitting him against Launcelot, widening the gap between the once great friends. 

The way in which Sir Gawain and Sir Launcelot employ the honour code in their actions is telling of how a more liberally applied commitment to chivalry allows for the maintenance of interpersonal relationships. Arthur’s authority as King rests in his ability to foster brotherhood between the knights of the Round Table; The loyalty of knights to Arthur and consequently to one another is the cohesive force which binds together Arthurian society. Sir Launcelot has an apt understanding of this defining principle. Contrary to the internal limitations of the chivalric code and the mercilessness of Sir Gawain, Sir Launcelot employs discretion before taking action, allowing him to uphold his honour without further aggravating an already tense situation. Launcelot shutters at the idea that he may face his King in battle: “‘God deffende me’, seyde Sir Launcelot, ‘that ever I shulde encounter with the most noble kynge that made me knygth.’” (659) Whereas the letter of the honour code would force Launcelot to take up arms against his opponent, his humility proves itself more sensible to his situation than if he were to act blindly within the terms of the law. Sir Gawain, however, poses Arthur an ultimatum, telling Launcelot that “if myne uncle Kynge Arthur wyll accorde with the, he shall loose my servys.” (668) Sir Gawain’s decision and, by-in-large, the implications of the rigid moral code from which he refuses to deviate, restrain Arthur’s ability to reunite his fracturing society. In order to maintain the honour code that he created, Arthur is forced to choose between the disgraced Launcelot and the supposedly “loyal” Sir Gawain. Gawain’s actions suggest that the chivalric code has a definite boundary, one which Malory delineates as the circumference of the Round Table. Arthur and his knights obey the honour code almost to the letter, yet in doing so are required to enforce the penalty for disloyal behaviour upon one of their own. 

In the Arthurian world, where the continuing success of society depends on the stability of Arthur’s court, the chivalric code leaves little room for internal error. Launcelot’s valiant attempt to consolidate balance by employing discretion is no match for the rigid code of honour sworn to by the Round Table knights, who, in failing to recognize their own transgressions make apparent the limits of codified chivalry. 

Works Cited

Malory, Sir Thomas, Le Morte Darthur, edited by Stephen H. A. Shepherd, W. W. Norton & Company, 2004.

[withasideofeggsy]

In the AM :: Im Jaebum

Hello friends! Mafia/gang au were always my favourite after watching KHR haha. So I finally gave a shot at it! I was really inspired by two amazing tumblr writers so I would like to thank them for motivating me to write after reading their work! A massive thank you to @narika-a who wrote a scenario with mafia GOT7, the plot of this fic is mainly developed from their scenario with Youngjae. And a special thank you to @jungk0oksthighs​ and their amazing mafia au fic giving me the final push to write this! I hope everyone enjoys it!

(Bless the soul who took this picture)

Word count: 28K (Mother of god)

Warning: coarse language, drunk people, smut, unprotected sex, violence, blood

Part 2

Summary: Jaebum is one of the most notorious gang leaders in South Korea. He is merciless and brutal allowing him and his group, GOT7, to own most of Seoul. One day he goes after a young female who happened to be interfering with his business, who ultimately stole 40 grand from him. However, he got the wrong girl. She was nothing but a poor student who worked overtime at night to pay for her rent, and when she’s not busy with school or work her favourite pass time was to give Jaebum a never-ending headache. The girl didn’t steal 40 grand from him. She stole so much more, his heart.

Jaebum pov

I watch her through the tinted windows of my car before wandering to the red digital numbers glowing on the dashboard. It read exactly 2 AM on the dot. A small smirk stretches across my face as I watch her bend over to lock the front doors of the run down pub cueing me to proceed with the schedule. It was all perfectly timed, in exactly 5 minutes she will be in the optimal position. I slip out of the black Camaro closely following her in her haste footsteps as she made her way back to her dingy apartment. At exactly 5 minutes time she stood in front of the dark alley, wasting no time I lunged forward grabbing her by the back of her jacket’s collar and pulled her into the dead end. She opened her mouth to scream so I quickly shut her up by slamming her small frame into the graffiti covered brick wall. She lets out a small cry which was then quickly followed by soft sniffles. Her body quakes under my strong grip and I almost felt slightly bad, just almost.

“Stop crying!” I order turning her around to face her tear streaked face.

Her eyes were squeezed shut in utter terror.

“Yah look at me girly, that’s the least you could do after stealing over 40 grand from my business!”

To say I was taken aback was an understatement when she started to yell.

“I don’t know what you are talking about! I’m dirt broke! Why else do you think I am out this late working at a shitty run down pub in the fucking ghettos?! I already had a shit day with creeps like you trying to take me home so for gods sake just leave me alone!” She screams finally opening her eyes to reveal the warmest (e/c) hue I’ve ever seen.

I would be more appreciative of them if they weren’t full of rage and sending daggers into my soul. I shook my head to clear out the doubts that started to swim in my mind. My perfect plan was flawless to the second but a small detail may have been missed, I may have gotten the wrong girl? No impossible, she must be acting innocent.

“Don’t lie to me!” I yell out in frustration causing her frustration to skyrocket as well.

She flails her arms smacking me in the face causing my already boiling anger to overflow.

“Let go of me you freak! Do you think I would be out here in shit city at 2 AM if I stole 40k from you? No! I would be at home rolling in silk sheets in piles of money you idiot!”

Okay I’ll admit, even though she was infuriating seeing that she was so keen on lying I couldn’t help but find her charming, especially at the wild reasoning she spewed on about. I roll my eyes roughly turning her to face the wall once again.

“Alright, that was funny at first but now I’m done,” I sigh ripping her long wool jacket clean off her back.

The seams of her coat tore open with a satisfying pop along with the plain white t-shirt she wore underneath. I toss the torn fabric across the snow covered alleyway leaving her cold and vulnerable in the cold night air. Her fierce aura left her body as quick as it came as she started sobbing once more, hugging herself as she stood there hunched over with a thin ripped shirt. I could clearly see the cold winter air biting at her bare skin where goose bumps started to form, however I couldn’t seem to find the signature dragon tattoo that was supposed to litter the vast majority of her back. At that moment I knew I fucked up.

“Fuck…fuck I’m so sorry. I-I got the wrong person. Haha surprise?” I nervously grin finally letting her out of my iron grip that will probably cause bruises to bloom all over her body later from man handling her.

Her lips quiver as she spares me one final look with her large doe eyes before bursting out in tears and making a mad dash out of the alley.

“Hey!” I called out, it wasn’t supposed to sound so threatening but I guess being friendly and approachable was not my forte. At my voice she sped up, disappearing around the corner.

“Fuck!” I hiss under my breath, kicking her jacket out of the way to follow her.

Your pov

I was running as if my life depended on it, and it probably was with this asshole creep stalking me. Work was rough like always with intoxicated greasy men trying to snag you home and now god was testing me by having this creep jump me. I could barely see with my tear-blurred vision but his loud booming voice motivated me to run raster than I’d ever had in my life. With adrenaline pumping through my veins I didn’t realize that there was a large group of men blocking my path until I slammed right into them. I quickly bow stuttering out an apology before trying to continue on home.

“Hey girly, watch where you are going huh? You spilled my beer all over my shirt!” One of the burly men slurred, great they were drunks.

“I’m sorry,” I repeat causing him to tut.

“A shirt for a shirt, take off yours babe and we can have some fun,” he suggests slyly reaching out to touch my exposed back.

I nervously step back, making contact with a sculpted body. Before I could successfully jump forward to break the contact the person held me tightly against his front.

“She said sorry, so fuck off,” says the voice behind me nonchalantly.

I break eye contact with the furious grubby drunkard to look up at my saviour. I practically jumped out of my skin when I see my “saviour” to only be the man who literally jumped me not even a minute ago. Was this a save to conquer situation? I wanted to pull away but for someone who dragged my ass into an alley to profusely scream at my face and then proceeded to rip the only jacket I owned to shreds – I felt quite safe in his arms. Well safer than to be at the dispense of the group of intoxicated men. I was taken aback by how calm and collected his entire aura seemed, he was indeed the human personification of a ticking time bomb. The group of drunks started to growl and advance like a pack of wolves closing on their prey. I subconsciously snuggle closer to the even scarier man behind me. In which he gladly pulls me behind him where I proceeded to clutch onto the back of his leather jacket.

“Do you know who you are talking to?” One of the men growls causing the tall well built man before me to chuckle.

“Maybe you should stop eying the girl and take a good look at who you are talking to.”

I was doomed.

How was pretty boy going to save me from a group of 8 brawny men? Should I just make a dash for it when they beat up this guy?  Is that wrong of me? Then again he attacked me first. I could be at home chilling in my pjs by now. All these thoughts swam through my head that I almost missed the scene that unfolded before me. Reluctantly the man who I bumped into looked up first, no matter how bad it hurt his ego to follow this stranger’s suggestion. I move my hands from the leather to gingerly hold his waist in anticipation. I watched in awe and slight worry, when the intoxicated man stumbled backwards. The man’s eyes grew to the size of saucers as one by one his friends started to do the same. As if the situation couldn’t get any weirder the group of men started to profusely bow their heads.

“I-I apologize JB! Please I’m drunk I didn’t know I was disrespecting you sir!” the man was a stuttering mess, and to be honest I’m not sure if I should feel smug about this or be terrified for my life.

Who was this guy?

The man, supposedly called JB, simply chuckles deeply instead of giving him a reply. The man stands there with his head lowered in anticipation as JB hummed.

“You alright?”

I blinked for a few moments taken aback by his unexpected soft side before nodding up at him.

“Consider yourself lucky then,” he sighs facing the group.

Relief fills me knowing that I wasn’t going to witness what this man JB was capable of doing that made him so notoriously well known on this side of town. The men collectively bowed and apologized once more only halting when JB lifted his hand in a silencing gesture. I hear the desperate shuffling of feet to get out of the proximity in case JB’s act of mercy fell short. I squeeze his waist subconsciously and he takes me by surprise wen he looks over his shoulder to flash me a small smile. I drop my hands back to my side looking away bashfully.

“Thanks…I guess considering that you jumped me earlier,” I wince at how sarcastic it came out.

I usually would take pride in my sarcasm but I realized that this guy could be the Asian equivalent of the Godfather. I rub at my arms awkwardly when he decided to stay silent instead of cussing me out, which I’ve pretty much associated with him. He scoffs rolling his eyes so hard he probably saw his brain. Another awkward silence envelopes us in the cold winter night causing me to sniffle.

“Um…this isn’t a save and conquer right?” I ask to be sure causing him to roll his eyes once again.

“No,” he clears his throat, “I’m sorry for attacking you earlier. I uh…thought you were someone else.”

I nod slowly still not maintaining eye contact with the handsome stranger.

“I guess that’s okay since you saved me and all…um I’m gonna head home now it’s kinda cold,” I mumble hugging myself as a futile attempt to maintain my body heat.

It took real effort in to not cuss him out, afterall I was cold because he destroyed the only jacket I owned and it was in the stark middle of winter. I kept the anger at bay though to take one final glance at him before turning on my heel.

“Wait,” he puts a hand on my shoulder stopping me in my tracks.

I reluctantly turn around to watch him shrug out of his leather jacket.

“Sorry about your jacket…you must be freezing,” he cheekily grins knowing fully well that this was all his fault.

I lick my dry lips and tugged my bottom one between my teeth shyly. I squeeze my eyes shut when he took a step forward only daring to open them again when I felt the warm embrace of the soft leather drape on my shoulders. He tugs the jacket closed with his beautifully long slender fingers.

“This is really not necessary…” I mumble attempting to shimmy off the jacket but he stubbornly held the jacket securely closed.

The man was painfully pushy, but I was already well aware of this when he physically pushed me into a wall earlier.

“Hold onto it for me until you get another,” he states coolly.

I couldn’t catch the scoff fast enough before it left my lips.

“Yeah I’ll keep this forever then. Like I mentioned before, I’m poor you jerk and you still ruined the only jacket I owned!”

JB’s expression turned surprised and fell back to his stoic one as quickly as it happened.

“Sorry? I guess you can keep it then.”

I roll my eyes throwing the jacket back into his arms, which he successfully caught mid air with his fast reflexes. I cross my arms over my chest with a huff.

“I don’t want it! You are probably associated with a gang or something and if I wear that it’ll probably make me the biggest target in this shit side of the city!”

At my little out burst I was taken aback when he threw his head back and started laughing.

“I can assure you, no one will touch you when you have this on your back,” he says between laughs draping the leather over my shoulders again.

“But you don’t deny that you are some gangster?” I try and he shrugs casually in his fitted black t-shirt seemingly unbothered by the cold weather.

“Let’s get you home,” he suggests placing a large hand on the small of my back. I took a few steps back towards the pub until some sense rang in my head.

“What? No thank you! I can get home myself!” I exclaim eying him suspiciously.

He rolls his eyes, “Was almost getting kidnapped twice in one night not enough for you?”

I pull away from him with both hands on my hips.

“Yes! That is why I rather go home myself,” I say defensively.

He sighs in frustration, his short fuse igniting. JB pauses for a moment then he abruptly chuckles.

“Honestly. It doesn’t matter I already know your address.”

My heart speeds up at his confession, it was practically hammering against my ribs. Seriously who is this guy? And how did he get the wrong person being so knowledgeable of his targets. I didn’t realize that I was looking at him with a gapping mouth until he gently taps my chin to close.

“Come, my car is this way,” he says guiding me back towards the pub.

“Oh no no no no!” I laugh planting my heel into the sidewalk, “I am not getting into your car! God knows where you will drive me to.”

“Your run down apartment?” he snarkily offers causing me to roll my eyes.

Literally every minute I’m with this one my blood pressure increases to concerning levels.

“Fine, we walk then,” he says leading me – back to my own home.

I wondered if he was freezing just being clad in a black t-shirt and in dark washed jeans but I didn’t want to seem to care so I didn’t ask. This stalker literally walks me to my apartment door and it was honestly extremely unsettling.

It was quite dark outside so when we stood in the dimly lit hallway in the apartment I finally got a good look at JB. His skin was fair especially in comparison to his dark midnight locks that were tastefully pushed back away from his forehead allowing a display of his forehead and beautifully sculpted eyebrows.

He was painfully handsome.

I clear my throat and fiddled with my keys avoiding eye contact with the handsome stranger.

“You know staring is rude,” he comments indifferently.

I gap at him and crossed my arms childishly, “So is jumping a person!”

JB chuckles deeply flashing his pearly whites in an award winning smile.

“You’ll never let that down huh?”

I shake my head, “Of course not! You really scared me!”

He unexpectedly tips my chin up with his index and middle finger.

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah whatever…” I lamely add, I was really at a lack of words.

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

I blink up at him. I could think of a million sarcastic remarks as to why I would ever want to see him again, but I decided to just humour him.

“Yeah okay JB.”

JB’s expression softened at the mention of his name, “You can call me Jaebum,” he suggests with a small smile.

“Yeah okay Jaebummie,” I tease rolling my eyes.

He winces at the nickname and I realized it could be a nickname only reserved for his girlfriend, which made the already awkward lingering air ten times thicker.

I clear my throat, “Sorry…”

His eyes widen in realization and he shakes his head, “Oh no it’s fine…it’s just that I’m not used to getting called by cute nicknames.”

Blood rushes to m cheeks an aftermath from his utter cuteness, but of course what left my lips was snarky per usual.

“Well obviously since you are using Justin Bieber’s nickname as your street name you goof.”

The expression on Jaebum’s face was ghastly. He was in complete shock by my comment and to be honest I was too. As soon as that left my mouth I slapped a hand over it.

“Okay that was uncalled for. I’m sorry! You make me really nervious and I can’t control what comes out!” I muffle out the confession beneath my fingers.

Jaebum shyly smiles shaking his head, “I…I think it’s endearing.”

Then his firecracker personality switched on, “But never refer to me as Justin Bieber okay? I’ll put a bullet through your head.”

“Yeah yeah yeah! It’s not like we will see each other again anyways!”

But we did

2 AM

As per usual I clicked together the last lock on the pub’s door. I really need to resign. It was like any other every night besides Monday’s where I got the luxury to have the evening off, it was shit. The only difference was when I turned around the typical view of the littered street was not there, instead my line of vision could only make out black leather, lots of black leather.

Please don’t be who I think it is, please god have mercy, I prayed slowly raising my head up.

“Oh god it’s you…” I sigh pinching the arch of my nose between my index and thumb, “We’re closed sorry, not really, go beat it.”

Jaebum stood there like the wall he was.

I roll my eyes, “Excuse me!” I chime side stepping away.

He chuckles pulling me back with ease.

“It’s nice to see you again, (Y/N),” he greets with a charming grin.

I raise a brow at him with a knowing smirk and he knew what was to come so he simply explained himself before I could question him.

“Yeah yeah, I finally learned your name by stalking you a little bit more.”

The sagging of his usually tall confident stance was a sight to see. As much as I enjoyed his company, sarcasm intended, I was very curious as to why he would be here, again, at this ungodly hour of the night – morning depending on how you perceived time.

I rub my arms for warmth as the relentless cold winter night nipped at my thin sweater.

“Ah…I knew you would be too shy to wear my jacket. Good thing I know you like the back of my hand due to my skilled stalking expertise!”

I blink.

Fiddling with the loops of keys, waiting for him to explain why he was such a big creep, or ultimately what brought him here again, since there wasn’t much to explain.

Despite yesterday’s embarrassing mistake he was intelligent enough to catch on quickly. He stutters slightly.

“I-I uh got you this…”

Jaebum forcibly shoves a nicely wrapped box in my arms before quickly running his fingers through his gel slicked black locks to keep his hands busy.

I gulp, looking up at him and back to the hefty gift box in my arms, “Should I be scared?”

With the signature roll of his eyes he waves his hand impatiently, “Just open it!”

I finally nod placing the box gently on the hood of the black Camaro he rolled up in.

He leans against the side of the car and watched as I pulled loose the silk ribbon. The lid of the box popped open to reveal crisp ivory tissue paper. At least I didn’t have to feat that there was someone’s cut off ligament in here.

I peer up at him and he nods his head towards the box.

Ripping off the tissue paper with the upmost care, you know, just in case there was a bomb in there. It revealed a classic Burberry scarf that laid on top of a now white wool jacket similar to the one that I lost yesterday. The only difference was that the quality was much better and the inner lining had the same pattern that the scarf had. Which only meant one thing.

It was way too expensive of a gift to accept.

I run my fingers gently across the soft fabric, “W-Why?” I shyly ask finally tearing my eyes away from the gift to Jaebum in utter awe.

Jaebum chuckles reaching out his large hand to pat my head gently, “Cause I feel bad destroying your only jacket, you literally poor soul.”

I nodded slowly, “But that doesn’t explain why it has to be Burberry! I can’t accept this!” I exclaim pushing the box of garments back to him.

A flustered blush dusted my cheeks, man who does this guy think he is? Seriously though who was this guy?

Throwing Burberry left and right where I can’t even throw spare change to the homeless on my way to work.

Jaebum sighs playing with the soft material of the wool scarf.

“Why can’t you accept the small gift (Y/N)?”

At his statement I was rendered speechless, “Small gift?”

I thought geez this guy is rolling in dirty money and it honestly made me furious that he sees no value in money for him to spend it so needlessly on materialistic possessions.

“It’s not a small gift! A small gift is like a…I don’t know? A keychain from a convenience store! Or like a ten dollar gift card to Mcdonald’s! I can’t accept this, it literally worths more than my life!” I explain waving my hands frantically for added effect to show Jaebum just how ridiculous this entire situation was.

Jaebum didn’t answer, but instead he drapes the soft scarf acround my neck snuggly.

“Yah, nothing is worth more than your life, you got it?” he chides, his fingers slipping from the scarf to return to his side.

I gingerly touch the soft wool engulfing my neck, almost afraid that I would ruin the much too expensive article of clothing.

“That’s a funny thought considering that you were about to kill me yesterday for costing you 40 grand,” I sarcastically add rolling my eyes.

Jaebum had a fond expression on his face, for some reason he found my defiance endearing when most found it extremely annoying.

“You will never let that go huh?” he chuckles unfolding the jacket from its box.

“You act like this happened years ago and I’m bringing it up. It literally happened yesterday!”

He laughs throwing his head back, he was adorable, his perfect pearly white teeth to his eye smile. I sometimes forget that this man was dangerous.

“I know, it’s just that I feel like we are long friends. You are so casual with me.”

“Who wouldn’t? You attacked me yesterday, we literally unlocked friendship level 7 where we can now share our tragic back stories and each other’s clothes.”

“You’re funny (Y/N),” he says with his cutesy smile, “I guess since we are at friendship level 7, you can kindly accept my gift!”

I wanted to slap the man.

He was adorable.

So I wanted to slap him even more.

“It’s really too much Jaebum. I could pay for my year’s rent with this! What would my landlord think if he sees me wearing this? He will think I’m lying when I tell him that my rent will be late cause I don’t have money!”

Jaebum rolls back and forth on the balls of his feet in thought, “Hmm…move into a better neighbourhood?”

I stare at him as if he was the biggest idiot on earth and he chuckles.

“Who cares what people think?”

“I think I’m scared to get robbed, Jaebum.”

“What happened to Jaebummie?” he pouts playfully causing me to roll my eyes and slightly, not so slightly, cringe.

“He’s dead.”

“I think it’s endearing and cute,” Jaebum says tilting his head side to side.

I want to slap him.

So I did.

“You are so annoying…Jaebummie”

He gingerly rubs the spot on his chest where I assaulted him, “Ahh you are so cute.”

How can a person you met only yesterday be so dotting?

“Aish…you are too much,” I awkwardly pick at the black button on my new wool coat, “Okay, good night, thank you for the gift Jaebummie, and I hope this is the last time I see you.”

He hums with a gentle smile upon his lips, “Ah, ah, ah, I want something in return.”

Great, of course nothing is free in this world. “And what does his majesty want?”

Jaebum chuckles and pushes himself off the side of his car to open the door.

“Wha…” I watch him get into the low sitting vehicle and I groan.

Instead of getting into his passenger seat like he probably expected, I whip open the door to the driver’s side to peer in to see what was his deal.

He innocently looks up with his perfectly sculpted eyebrows raised, “Oh you want to drive?”

I couldn’t help the laugh that mixed in with the scoff, causing the corners of his lips to tug upwards. I shake my head and proceeded to be angry, “No! Where are we going? Are you driving me back home so that we can smash? I’m not a prostitute you know. I can’t be bought!”

Jaebum’s smile never wavered, he reaches a hand out to ruffle my hair, “I just want to get a coffee with you, silly.”

Oh.

I blush, clearing my throat aggressively, “Oh…well…it’s 2 AM!”

He rolls his eyes, “Yah, just get in the car. I won’t do anything weird I promise.”

“You won’t just drop me in the middle of Hicksville?”

“Why would I do such a thing after putting in effort to make sure you stay healthy and warm? Don’t be stupid. Get in, it’s cold outside and you are letting out all the heat escape.”

He had a point.

I nod reluctantly walking over to the other side of the car to slip inside.

The leather was heated and warm, making the long ride extremely comforting especially with the new leather smell that enveloped the air.

I was determined to not fall asleep in this stranger’s car.

I watched as the tenth run down 24 hour coffee shop flew by, seriously where is the man taking me.

“Should I be concerned now?” I casually ask looking over to him.

He scoffs with a cocky smirk, “When will you trust me? I mean we are already at friendship level 7.”

“Hm I don’t know maybe when the bruise on my forehead disappears after you smashed my head into a brick wall.”

Jaebum silently continues to drive without a remark.

He then suddenly pulls the car over and I felt mixed emotions bubble in my stomach. I know I was giving him a hard time but did I cross it this time? He was nothing but nice since after the unpleasant first encounter we had and I was nothing but an asshole.

I sigh, turning to face him to only see that he was intently observing me as well.

“I was just kidding…I didn’t mean it,” I say with a reassuring smile but he didn’t buy it.

Jaebum reaches out and gently brushes my fringe away from my forehead to reveal a dark purple blotch. With the pad of his thumb he gingerly caresses the supple skin on the rather large bump.

“Look, it’s not as bad as it looks. It doesn’t even hurt,” I say pulling away from his heated touch, “Let’s just go get your coffee so that I can go home and sleep.”

Jaebum pulls back into his seat and sighs, looking out the tinted window on his side.

“I’m sorry, regardless if it hurts or not.”

“It’s fine. Did you end up finding the real girl you were after?”

I watch his reflection blink in surprise at the topic change, he turns around to face me and he grins, “Yeah, I got a text from a friend saying that the situation is resolved a few minutes ago.”

“Oh? Why didn’t you go handle it Jaebummie? You lost your confidence after yesterday?” I tease with a laugh and he rolls his eyes.

The silence that followed was comfortable, the air was thinning out, I wasn’t as hostile towards him and he knew it.

“I wanted to make sure you got home safely,” he confesses with a sigh.

He bites his plump lower lip and nervously runs his hand through his gelled back locks, “Also I didn’t want you to catch cold. Without a jacket and all.”

I nonchalantly nod turning to look outside the window at the dark horizon and bashfully smiled.

“Thank you…” I turn around to smile at him and he reciprocates causing the butterflies in my stomach to go wild.

I clear my throat, “Well, keep driving. The faster we are done the faster I get home!” I nervously stutter turning towards the window again.

“Is it really that bad to spend some time with me?” he curiously inquires.

Was it really that bad to spend time with Jaebum? I surprisingly didn’t have much of a problem with him considering the circumstances regarding how we met. However, I still find myself trying my best to give him a hard time. I guess it was my stubbornness that couldn’t accept how easily he got under my skin. No matter how much I wanted to stay mad at him I simply couldn’t due to how charming and sweet his actions are. Damn him.

I was too busy having an internal war with myself that I didn’t realize I never answered his question. However, I guess he deduced that I was rather not fond with him and he let that be considering that he didn’t press on. Jaebum was rather patient tonight I assume, most likely that the woman who was costing his gang a significant loss was finally caught and most likely taken out of the picture for good a few hours ago. I haven’t known the handsome man for long but it was easy to tell that he had an extremely short fuse and he was being quite pleasant for the past half hour since he swooped me off the grungy pub entrance, especially when I was nothing but the opposite of pleasant towards him.

The car ride to wherever Jaebum had planned to go was short lived, mostly due the frightening speeds the man drove at. The entire duration of the ride lasted about 20 minutes and we pulled up in a nice neighbourhood in front of a small single detached café. I peer through the generously sized windows to see an elegantly decorated interior, I got rather excited until my eyes landed on the wooden plaque with cursive that read “closed”. Of course such a place would definitely not be open for business during this ungodly hour at 2:30 AM.

“Why are we here Jaebum? It’s closed…” I pout squinting towards the open hours chart, “…4 hours ago.”

He softly smiles placing a hand on the small of my back. The tall male guides me towards the spotless glass door and pulls the handle, and much to my surprise the door opens to the warm and sweet aroma filled space.

“I got the place rented out for the night,” he explains indifferently, pulling out my chair. And people thought that chivalry was dead.

I sit down and watch Jaebum curiously as he takes a seat adjacent from mine. He pushes his hair back before lazily propping his elbow on the table to hold up the menu. I clear my throat before doing the same. How does one be so casual yet extremely alluring? It was also amusing that such a person like Jaebum would be caught seen in this scenery, it was quite refreshing. His masculine features and his for the lack of a better word, fuck boy clothes, were at a harsh contrast with the muted pastels that painted the walls and the dainty floral teacups that sat on equally dainty plates on lacy doilies on an extremely Instagram-able ivory marble table. I smile behind the menu as I intently continue to watch his rather bored expression as he continues reading the menu.

It was all fun and games until I took a good look at the menu and my stomach dropped through the floor and all the way to the deeps of hell. These prices are ridiculous! Probably because they need the income to pay for the excessive fancy décor that littered the place. An old regular cup of coffee costs $5 and any specialty drinks started at $9. Not to mention the selection of desserts where the cheapest one started at the very reasonable price of $15. I barely had time to decide on what to order as a petite female makes her way to our table to take our orders. She smiles warmly but I could see how her eyes tiredly twitched.

“What can I get you today?” she sweetly asks with a smile.

I nervously hand her the menu with a bashful smile, “Just a cup of water will be okay thank you.”

I mean, water is free here right? Then again I wouldn’t be surprised if they charged me $10 for a cup of tap water. In my quake of nervousness he flashes me a quick glance before looking up at the waitress.

“Just get her a caramel macchiato or something, I’ll take a black coffee.”

I gape at Jaebum, why was the man ordering for me? I don’t have money to drop on such extravagant liquids. I silently watch him as he continues to order and I was about to drop dead when he said what every rich man says in those cliché films, “And the entire dessert selection you have at the moment will be fine.”

After ordering he gives me a soft smile before turning towards his phone that vibrated against the marble table that I would be able to cover the cost for tonight with the enormous bill that was coming my way. “Sorry, I need to take this,” he smiles apologetically getting up to take a step outside. I nod politely and as soon as the door closed behind him I rummaged through my purse for my wallet. Please have money, please have money, I pray squeezing my eyes shut. After channeling my magic into my pathetic wallet I opened it to see a wrinkly ten dollar bill. I wheezed – causing the waitress to pop her head up from behind the barista counter. I flash her a pained grin before casting my gaze down to the sorry sight. I surely had more than 10 dollars! I fumbled with the zipper on the coin department and aggressively poured all the change I had on the table. I was halfway counting the nickels I owned when I was interrupted by the screeching of a chair against the hard wood floor. I looked up to see Jaebum curiously watching the pathetic scene before him. He chuckles reaching a hand out to pat my head gently.

“Don’t worry about the bill, silly.”

“But…but you said I owe you a coffee,” I pout allowing him to ruffle my hair.

“I said, I want to get a coffee with you not buy me a coffee. Besides, usually when someone asks you out on a coffee date they don’t want you to pay for their drink. They usually want your time, no?”

He had a very valid point. But that still made me feel awful for not being able to repay him in anyway for his generous gifts. I nod in defeat, scooping up the change that would make even a homeless person laugh. The waitress made her way over to our table with our overpriced beverages which I timidly took a sip from.

“You really have nothing more than that crumpled up ten dollar bill?” he teasingly asks while taking a sip of his black coffee. Even though it was true that my state was very pathetic I hated when people pointed it out, especially filthy rich people like him.

“Jaebum you are a horrible person,” I mumble under my breath just loud enough for him to hear.

“I guess since you really don’t want me here I’ll just leave~” he chimes getting up from his seat.

“Ah! No wait!” I splutter putting down my cup to frantically reach out to hold his hand.

He smiles smugly lacing his long slender fingers with mine giving me a gentle squeeze. I blush pulling my hand away to give my ceramic cup the death grip.

“I-It’s not like I want you here or anything, I just can’t pay for the bill, okay?” I wasn’t completely lying but I also didn’t necessary not want him here either. The grin plastered on his face showed that he knew as well.

“How are you so broke anyways?” He asks taking another sip from his cup.

“Well I’m a student what else is there than that? And you should’ve known that since you stalk-” I couldn’t finish my sentence as I feasted my eyes on the waitress that was barely seen behind the huge silver tier that was loaded to the brim with cakes and various sweets that she was struggling to carry. She plopped it onto the table with a heavy thud and a cheery “Enjoy!”

I couldn’t even see Jaebum now. I peer around the tier and mouthed a “holy shit” causing him to throw his head back in laughter. The selection was amazing, I didn’t even know they had this stuff as I was too busy staring at the prices earlier. There were macarons of every colour, multiple kinds of mille crepes, cream puffs, every cake flavour imaginable, mousse cups, and an assortment of cookies. I peer over at Jaebum again and he tilts his head gesturing to the sweets, “Well go on.”

Without another moment to waste I reach out for a macaron and popped it into my mouth, and I almost cried at how delicious that tiny thing was. I barely finished swallowing the sweet before I got my hands on a matcha flavoured mille crepe. As I was about to stick my fork into the delicately layered cake I look up to Jaebum to see that he haven’t even moved an inch to help himself.

“Jaebummie? Why aren’t you eating?” I ask shoving a piece of fluffy crepe into my mouth.

“Ah I’m not really into sweets,” he admits sipping at his bitter coffee again, “But go ahead and enjoy yourself.”

“Then why the hell did you order all this?!?” I exclaim causing him to chuckle in which he quickly reasons by saying, “Well I didn’t know what you like.”

I shake my head with flustered cheeks scooting my chair closer to his. Shovelling a piece of cake onto the fork I raise it up to Jaebum’s lips in which he stubbornly does not open. I sigh reaching out to squeeze his cheeks forcing his lips to part in a kissy face fashion.

“Say ahhh Jaebummie!” I tease causing him to roll his eyes but nonetheless part his lips allowing the sweet fluffy treat to slip in.

I watch intently for his reaction and it definitely did not fall short. His usual steely gaze softened and became practically blissful as the corners of his lips curled up. We both tried to hide things between one another but similar to how he could easily read through me I could do the same for him. He was definitely lying when he said that he didn’t like sweets.

“Now that wasn’t so bad right?” I giggle resuming to finish off the slice so that I could pick out a next delicious piece, “You know there’s nothing wrong with being a scary big bad guy who enjoys cute dainty desserts served on doilies.”

“I don’t know, it sounds like you are already judging,” he sighs in defeat but not failing to reach out for a cookie.

“I’m not judging,” I admit giving him a reassuring smile, “I think it’s cute. Scary monster by day and cookie monster by night.”

If I had a dollar for every time I make Jaebum roll his eyes I would be rich. He was cute being all pissed off in his all black attire while stuffing his face with desserts. I only wished it wouldn’t be considered creepy if I could just take out my phone right now to snap a picture of him so that I could essentially stare at it forever, or use it as blackmail if it was ever necessary.

By the time of 4:00 AM we were halfway through the desserts and were too stuffed to eat anymore. Despite being reluctant to come I had a wonderful time with Jaebum. No matter how much I rather not admit it, he was good company. I yawn placing down my fork. Thankfully Jaebum noticed my drowsiness most likely itis induced if it weren’t caused by the ungodly hour that was 4:00 AM. He kindly got the cheque and placed down four crisp $100 bills causing an unexpected wheeze to escape my lungs.

“Oh my god Jaebum…”

“Don’t worry let’s go,” his eyes turn into little crescents as he passes me a large take away box that held all the desserts that we couldn’t finish. He was letting me keep the leftovers too? This was the best date ever! I hug the box tightly to my chest as I thank the waitress who worked way over time, before contently skipping back to Jaebum’s car. The car ride back to my apartment was quiet, mostly because I was falling asleep, not because I was personally trying to give him a hard time. I lethargically watch as the scenery changed from high-end boutiques and cafes to dingy pizzeria joints and pubs, signalling that I was getting closer to home. Jaebum pulls up to my apartment and being the gentleman he was, he parked his car and walked me up to my room where we both find ourselves in the same awkward situation similar to yesterday.

“I’m sorry…” I sigh picking at the Bristol board edges of the take away box.

“For what?” Jaebum asks genuinely confused as to why I would be apologizing.

“For giving you nothing but a hard time,” I confess shifting my weight on one foot to the other.

Jaebum scoffs with a smile that reaches his chocolate brown eyes. He reaches a hand out and gently ruffles my hair affectionately. I pout at him ruining my hair yet again.

“Good night (Y/N).”

“It’s technically morning,” I explain matter-of-factly resulting in him to do his signature eye roll.

The tall and undeniably handsome man waved his hand in dismissal, taking a few steps backwards before turning around to make his own way home. However, before he could get very far, I quickly call out his name successfully stopping him in his tracks. He tilts his head so that I had the perfect view of his profile where the two cute tiny moles on his eyes were on full display.

“Thank you Jaebummie!”

“I’ll see you around,” he smirks rather smugly.

And surprisingly I found myself anticipating for our next encounter, unlike yesterday where I wanted nothing more to do with him. I wait until he disappears behind the corner before I slip into the apartment. Only then did I allow the high-pitched schoolgirl squeal leave my lips.

2:04 AM

I lock up the door like routine, the only difference was that I was ten times more tired than usual. Yesterday’s late night outing left me drained considering that I had less than 4 hours of sleep before I had to go attend my early morning class. After checking the lock twice, I turn around to see nothing out of the usual. I guess Jaebum wasn’t going to come anymore after ‘making it up’ to me for jumping me the other night. I sigh heavily full of disappointment as I drag my feet down the littered street back home. My blood ran cold as a black Ferrari pulls up right beside me on the curb. I literally haven’t walked ten steps from the pub and I was already approached. However, to my pleasant surprise the tinted window rolled down to only reveal Jaebum.

“Sorry I’m late, I got caught up with something,” he explains flashing me his precious crescent eyed smile.

I purse my lips nodding slowly, “I thought you weren’t coming…”

“Don’t be silly, get in the car it’s cold out.”

I slip into the passenger seat and similar to his other car, the confined compartment smelled of new leather.

“Where are we going today?” I yawn looking out the window.

“Home, sorry I didn’t have anything planned tonight. I need to go deal with something after,” he sighs obviously not looking forward to whatever he had to do.

I gasp, “Don’t tell me…” I lower my voice to a mere whisper, “Are you going to assassinate someone?”

Jaebum snorts at my wild accusation, “I’m not some assassin. To be honest I wouldn’t even consider us as a gang.”

I look up to him curiously, have a gotten it wrong? Was he actually not apart of the underground society?

“We’re more similar to the mafia,” he casually explains with a shrug.

I choke on my spit a bit before I could get a word out, “How is that any different?!” I finally exclaim.

Jaebum grins with another shrug, “It’s more classy!”

I mumble under my breath. Man was definitely crazy. Thank god he seemed to have liked me enough, or else with the amount of attitude I have given him in the span of two days would’ve ended my life and probably my next of kin as well.

“Well since you have much more important matters at hand I can walk home tonight! Thanks for the ride!” I hastily exclaim looking for the handle of the car door. Jaebum chuckles reaching over to place a hand on my smaller clammy one that gripped on the handle. He pulls my hand to gently place it back on my lap. Jaebum caresses my knuckles with the pad of his thumb before shyly retracting his hand to grip the steering wheel when he realized what he was doing. Shortly he pulls up to my apartment where he parks and walks me up to my room.

I look up at him shyly, “You know…you don’t have to come pick me up. I don’t want to be a nuisance to you.”

“I’ll always come escort you home, unless you find a better job with a better schedule and in a better area. But I’m going to be honest with you, even then I would come pick you up.”

At his little confession I felt the butterflies in my stomach flutter. How does one say something so easily to someone they practically just met? I timidly grin nodding at his sweet words, “That makes me happy,” I confess myself.

The corner of his lips twitches upwards at my unexpected confession. It seemed like there was something else he wanted to say but the vibrating in his pocket made him dismiss whatever he had on mind. He pulled his phone from his pocket and illuminated the screen, and whatever that was on the screen caused him to pull his bottom lip between his lips in agitation. “Well I need to get going now, you should go get some rest (Y/N).”

Without waiting for my reply he quickly turns around in a hurry. My heart hammers against my chest as I was at war with myself, my brain said no but my body reacted by itself and lunged forward. I grab onto his bulging bicep, “Wait!”

He stops abruptly to look down at me. I look up at him with flush cheeks, “I…” I stutter letting go of his arm, “Please stay safe…” I mumble looking deeply into his chocolate brown orbs. Instead of replying, he pulls me into a strong embrace engulfing me in his warmth and comforting musk scent. I wrap my arms around his back and buried my face into the crook of his neck as his face became flush against my scarf.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

1:55 AM

Throughout the entire day I worried about Jaebum seeing that I had no other way to check if he was alright until I finish work and hopefully see him at the front. I peep out the little window I just cleaned and there wasn’t a vehicle in sight. Deciding that he was probably caught up in something again I slip on my new winter coat bracing myself for the cold winter night waiting for me on the other side.

The headlights from a car outside seeped into the pub illuminating a bright strip across the bar. I excitedly run up to the window to peer outside but it was too dark to make out anything. Abruptly the front door flies open causing me to jump with a shrilling scream. I timidly peer at the two intruders from behind a booth that I hid in. They both were tall in stature with bleached blonde hair and wore all black, one in a long frock coat while the other dressed more casually in a bomber jacket.

“Sorry we’re closed!” I call out from behind the safety of my cushiony backseat.

The one with the bomber jacket follows my voice and cocks an eyebrow when he finally sees me pathetically hiding behind the booth. He suddenly giggles like a little girl completely washing away the scary aura that earlier radiated from him.

“Awww baby! You are cute! Mark she is actually cute!” he exclaims wildly gesturing for the quieter one, Mark to come closer.

Mark pinches the arch of his slim nose in annoyance, “JB won’t be happy if he hears that you are making her uncomfortable,” he takes a few steps closer approaching me with a soft smile, “Just ignore Jackson. JB sent us to pick escort you home today.”

I nod slowly, suddenly at ease when I realized that the two were sent by Jaebum, but that just set another wave of nerves to hit my gut. After a moment I was finally able to form words, “I-Is…Jaebummie okay?”

The one who was called Jackson scrunched up his face and clutched his heart, “The one who you call lovingly, Jaebummie, is dead!” he screams. My mouth drops open along with my stomach and I look towards Mark, who seems a little more reliable than drama queen Jackson. Mark rolls his eyes, “JB isn’t dead, but Jackson will be if he finds out that he called him Jaebummie.”

I sigh out in relief, I can’t believe I am so gullible specially when Jackson was so obviously poking fun, “Mark? Is he okay?”

“JB? Yeah he’s fine,” the handsome blonde smiles warmly, “He just has something to deal with is all.”

I nod with a small smile of my own, “Ahh thank god…” I mumble with a relived sigh.

Jackson suddenly beams and runs towards the stools in front of the bar. I raise my brow at his unusual antics as I watch him do a 360 spin in his seat, “Since we are at a bar, let’s have some drinks!”

“Jackson, we are supposed to deliver her home immediately,” Mark groans but didn’t put up a fight, apparently this happens often seeing how fast he compliantly plops in the seat beside the over hyper male.

I quickly got up from the booth and made my way around the bar, “Well what can I get you?” I grin.

When Jaebum proclaimed that his group was more mafia than gang because they were classy, he wasn’t kidding. Jackson ordered, and I quote, “the most expensive whiskey on the rocks you can make at this ghetto ass bar”, while Mark went with a simple gin and tonic cocktail. I awkwardly shift my weight from foot to foot waiting for them to take their first sip. And much to my delight the drinks were satisfactory enough for their delicate taste buds.

“It tastes like ass but I know it’s made with love so I’ll finish it,” Jackson, the one I deem the funny one, comments causing me to giggle.

“I know this is a sensitive topic but…what do you guys do?” I nervously ask tapping away at the wood countertop.

Jackson looks towards Mark who shrugs, “We don’t really do much to be honest. Things have been running smoothly only until recently.”

I nod even though I had no idea what he was spouting about. Regardless Mark continued his explanation.

“We run about half of Gangnam at the moment, the usual: drug trafficking, prostitution, smuggling, and the occasional weapons dealing,” Mark explains nonchalantly as I nervously nod along as if these things didn’t shock me.

“S-So…are you the mafia boss?”

At my confrontation Jackson bursts out in laughter slamming his hand on the grubby counter. Mark gives me a polite smile and shakes his head, “No, that’s JB.”

I choke on my spit at the new shocking discovery, not only was Jaebum apart of some mafia organization he was the leader of it all? How can such a sweet guy be involved in such heinous crimes? Considering if we dismiss how we got off at the wrong foot, he has been nothing but kind and doting.

“J-Jaebummie?” I whisper and Mark reaffirms with a nod. “But he’s so sweet and caring and not scary at all!”

At that, Jackson snorts, “Maybe to you. But from what we hear from him he cares a lot about you so it would only make sense if he treats you well.”

Blood rushes to my cheeks and I gingerly scratch my cheek, “He cares about me? But why?”

The blonde duo shrug simultaneously, “That’s something only he can tell you.”

Despite the two consuming alcohol, the drive back home was quite smooth. Mark waited in the car while Jackson walked me up to my room despite assuring him that the long two minute trek would be safe enough for me to handle. He waits in the hall until I got my door unlocked, “Okay Jackson! I think I’ll be fine from here on out.” I giggle causing him to smile as well.

“Well I hope so, or else JB will have my head.”

“Speaking of your scary boss, is it okay if I ask for his number?” I ask rocking on the balls of my feet.

The muscular blonde laughs throwing his head back, “It’s only been a day and you already miss him that much? Are you two in love~” he teases puckering up his lips causing me to cringe comically.

“No! It’s not like that! I just want to tell him how horrible of a job you done!” I tease holding out my phone for him. Jackson rolls his eyes but takes the device anyways.

He hands back my phone and the screen illuminated a new contact saved under J ♥, I shyly smile up at Jackson, “Thanks.”

“No problem!”

“Really! Thanks for this and for the ride home. Please tell Mark I say thanks as well!”

“No wonder JB takes a liking to you. So precious, too precious for this cruel world!” Jackson cries in agony causing a snort to leave my nose, “Aishh just get home safely you drama queen.”

I close the door after waving goodbye to Jackson, the hyper human puppy, who also doubled as a scary mafia member but I’ll over look that for now. I look at the clock in my living room and it read 3:46 AM. Was it too late to message Jaebum now? Or should I message him at a more reasonable time? I was at war with myself until I settled on the latter, the last thing I want to do is be a bother to him especially after Mark told me that it’s been rough the past few couple of days for him.

I hop into the shower for a quick rinse before happily flopping onto my bed. I curl up in my thick layer of blankets with my phone still in hand. I turn on the screen to see J ♥ again and I just couldn’t help myself, so I messaged him dismissing my entire conflict about messaging him earlier.

4:02 AM

[Y/N]: Jaebummie! Guess who? J

My heart hammers against my ribs and my hands get clammy against my phone. As instant as I sent the message I felt regret, was my text too flirtatious? Why couldn’t I be normal for once and went with a simple, ‘Hi this is [Y/N]. Sup?’ I groan tossing and turning in my burrito blanket as I waited for the reply that I most likely wont receive. The internal conflict was so strong I almost didn’t feel the vibration of my phone against my palm. I throw off the blanket and unlocked my phone.

4:05 AM

J ♥: Hey jagiya. (:

My heart hammers against my ribs again but for a completely different reason. With shaky hands I frantically type up a reply.

4:06 AM

[Y/N]: Is everything okay?

4:07 AM

J ♥: Yeah.

I rack my brain for ways that I could keep the seemingly dying conversation going. But before I finish typing, another message popped up from Jaebum.

4:07 AM

J ♥: I just miss yOUuouUOUOUOuouououuuu ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

And at that moment I knew I wasn’t talking to Jaebum.

4:08 AM

[Y/N]: Jackson I’m going to kill you!!! ㅠㅠ

J ♥: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

J ♥: I’m sorry don’t tell JB :’( I’m too young to die

J ♥: +82-02-869-5213

[Y/N]: Is that Mark’s number?

J ♥: I swear, it’s JB’s!

I groan rolling over onto my stomach, so the J stood for Jackson not Jaebum, that little piece of shit. I stare at the new number which supposedly is Jaebum’s but I wouldn’t be surprised if it happened to be Jackson’s fifth phone. I guess there was only one way to find out.

4:14 AM

[Y/N]: Hi is this Jaebum?

4:25 AM

Jaebum^^: Who’s asking?

[Y/N]: (Y/N) :)

Jaebum^^: (Y/N)? How did you get my number?

[Y/N]: Jackson

[Y/N]: I hope you don’t mind though!

Jaebum^^: Of course I don’t.

[Y/N]: Is this a bad time? I heard from Mark that you are busy.

[Y/N]: Sorry I shouldn’t have messaged.

Jaebum^^: Are you stupid? I’m glad you messaged. Jackson didn’t give you a hard time did he?

I squint at the glowering bright screen for a moment deciding if I wanted Jackson dead.

[Y/N]: No Jackson was nice :) so was Mark. Is everything okay Jaebum?

[Y/N]: Like yesterday…and tonight. Nothing bad happened right?

Jaebum^^: Nothing that you should be worried about.

The conversation was dying and I had no idea how to save it. It could just be how Jaebum texts but he didn’t sound like he wanted to talk to me, which was reasonable considering that I’m messaging him in the early morning of 4 AM.

[Y/N]: You aren’t hurt right?

Jaebum^^: I’m okay (Y/N). You should go sleep it’s late.

[Y/N]: Okay.

Jaebum^^: I’ll talk to you later okay?

[Y/N]: Okay.

Jaebum^^: Are you upset with me?

[Y/N]: Why would I be?

Jaebum^^: Silly, don’t feel like I don’t want to talk to you. I’m just a little tired. I’ll pick you up tomorrow since you don’t have class and we can spend the entire day together if that’s what you want.

[Y/N]: Is that what you want?

Jaebum^^: Of course.

[Y/N]: Okay :)

Jaebum^^: Now that’s my girl, I’ll see you soon. Good night.

I lock my phone and place it on my nightstand, I was a little hurt at how cold and distant he seemed but his last message got my heart beating miles per minute. Then again, I was extremely clingy to him when we are barely considered to be friends. Or maybe he was with his girlfriend or something…after all I don’t know Jaebum. I groan rolling restlessly around my small twin sized mattress that sat on the floor. I knew I shouldn’t have texted him, now I won’t have a peaceful night’s rest as I would be running scenarios of where I went wrong in my head all night long.

Regardless of how certain I was that the night was going to be rough I ended up sleeping like a baby until early noon. And that was only because I was awoken by the endless vibration of my phone chattering against the bedside table. Groaning I roll over to reach out for the annoying piece of plastic, upon unlocking the device I was surprised with seven new text messages.

10:04 AM

Jaebum^^: Good morning [Y/N]! Are you awake yet?

10:47 AM

Jaebum^^: Yahhh sleepy headddd

10:56 AM

Jaebum^^: Stop ignoring me :(

11:08 AM

Jaebum^^: You’re probably still sleeping like a babyyy!

11:10 AM

Jaebum^^: Jagiii

Jaebum^^: Oh fuck

Jaebum^^: I didn’t mean to send that

I giggle at his least few text messages.

[Y/N]: Jaebummie?

Jaebum^^: Let’s go out to eat. I’m hungry.

[Y/N]: Ehhh I’m too tired I don’t want to.

Jaebum^^: I thought so, open the door :)

[Y/N]: WHAT

Jaebum^^: I’m outside.

[Y/N]: Hence the WHAT

[Y/N]: I’m still in bed!

Jaebum^^: Food is getting cold

[Y/N]: But I’m a mess!!! Give me a few minutes!

Jaebum^^: When are you never a mess though? Just open the door, idiot.

[Y/N]: ㅠㅠ

Jaebum^^: I’m just teasing. You are always cute.

Jaebum^^: Five minutes, you better open the door or else I’m going to break it. To be very honest it looks flimsy. You should really replace it.

I quickly jump out of bed and ran towards the bathroom to do my usual morning routine but ten times more quickly. Jaebum being Jaebum would probably break down my door just for the shits and giggles so I was not taking any chances. I cared about my face and the bareness of it but I cared more for the door that I couldn’t afford to replace so I opted out for makeup this morning and decided to just open the door for the impatient man. I threw the door open to see a finely dressed Jaebum with his usual leather jacket, and that was when I realized I forgot to change out of my pajamas.

“Nice Ryan Bear pjs,” Jaebum snorts, walking into the small apartment.

I stutter with flushed cheeks, “In my defense they are a matching set with my brother and he got them for me!”

“I think they’re cute,” Jaebum smirks placing down the two stuffed plastic bags on the kitchen counter.

“Make yourself at home. I’m gonna change,” I groan rolling my eyes causing Jaebum to laugh.

“There’s no need for you to change. You look so adorable and comfortable. Let’s just eat okay?” he suggests walking towards me where I continued to stay planted by the front door.

I give in and nod as he genuinely thought that the pajamas were cute instead of simply teasing me. He contently claps his hands together with his crescent eyed smile before he shrugs out of his leather jacket leaving him in his fitted white t-shirt and dark washed blue jeans. Jaebum casually walks back into the kitchen where I couldn’t help but give him a good once over as he passes by, not only because he looked unreal but also I was still concerned that he may be injured from his previous night activities. When there were no evident signs of injuries I couldn’t hold myself back as I gently pull him into a back hug.

“I’m glad you are safe,” I smile against his shoulder blades, pulling away as quickly as I embraced him allowing no awkward time to linger or time for him to shrug me off if he decided that he didn’t want a hug.

Jaebum blinks in confusion as he halts in his actions in opening his styrofoam takeout box. He tilts his head innocently which causes me to smile up at him, “Let’s eat!” I suggest grabbing the unopened bag. I untie the knot of the plastic bag to pull out two takeout boxes. The first one held strawberries, bananas, and a ramekin of syrup. I look up at Jaebum who gestures his head towards the second container. I easily pop open the top of the second box to reveal a stack of fluffy warm chocolate chip pancakes. I outwardly gasp and Jaebum was more than content with my reaction as he stretches a hand out to ruffle my already messy bedhead, “Eat up.”

After finishing our delicious warm pancakes we flopped onto the couch to watch some Sunday cartoons. I wasn’t sure if it was because of my full stomach or if the cartoons weren’t as interesting as usual I started to feel sleepy again. I start to nod off and once my head found the perfect spot against Jaebum’s shoulder I immediately fell asleep.

Similar to how I woke up that morning, I was also awoken by the obnoxious ringing of a phone. But thankfully someone picked up, putting an end to the violent vibrating of the device against the coffee table. Still hazy from the nap I didn’t realize that I was subconsciously hugging something warm until that something started to speak sending vibrations into my body.

“What is it? You better have a good reason to be contacting me when I told everyone not to,” the voice practically growls into the phone.

With a yawn I look up with heavy eyes to see the sharp jawline of the handsome Jaebum. I groan squeezing his waist, “Jaebummie…”

Jaebum quickly changed his tone to a much sweeter one as he looked down at me, “Shhh just one second,” he smiles softly before assaulting the person on the line again.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

He jolts up, “Okay, I’ll be over immediately.”

Jaebum groans throwing his head back against the couch, I smile taking his hand into mine and giving him a light squeeze, “Is everything alright?” His eyes met mine and instantly they softened exponentially.

“Yeah, I just need to go sort something out,” he sighs still unwilling to move from his comfortable position on the couch.

“It’s okay, I need to go to work soon anyways.”

Jaebum nods, “I’ll drop you off then.”

I nod slowly copying his actions, “I don’t want to seem nosy but…is the thing you are going to sort out dangerous?”

He chuckles sitting up on the couch, “If you keep worrying about what I do you will never be happy,” he explains combing his fingers through my hair to secure it behind my ear, “I’ll be just fine. Worry about your own health first, those hours you work will take a toll on you and I don’t want that.”

I look down in my lap trying my very best to avoid eye contact with his warm chocolate ones, “Is it strange that I worry about you? Even though we haven’t known each other for more than a few days?” I shyly ask.

Jaebum’s index and middle finger tips my chin up so that I looked directly into his eyes, “No, that just proves that you have a good heart,” he lets out a breathy laugh, “What’s strange is that someone like me who does nothing but harm people for a living is constantly worried sick about some cute dumb little girl.”

I frown, “I’m dumb?”

He chuckles, “I’m just teasing. Let’s get you to work okay?”

-

Jaebum pulls up to my most dreaded place on earth, the crummy pub that I spent most of my days in. He shifts the gear into park but I was reluctant to get out. I look at the pub, my hands, back at the pub and finally at Jaebum.

“You aren’t doing anything dangerous right?” I ask shakily picking at my fingers, “I know what you said about not worrying about you but I just can’t okay? You can’t just feed me warm pancakes and just leave on a suicide mission of some sort and not tell me. So just tell me the truth…please.”

It felt good to finally get it off my chest but now I sat there with clammy hands and armpits waiting for his reply. The corner of his lips pulls upwards, “It makes me happy that you care so much about me but I’ll be fine. Trust me.”

“Jaebum…please tell me what’s going on,” I whisper, eyes brimming with hot tears from frustration.

“Shhh,” he smiles leaning forward to squish my cheeks, “Okay, I’ll tell you everything okay just don’t cry.”

I sniffle nodding my head between his calloused hands, “Okay Jaebummie.”

“That’s my girl…” he grins with crescent eyes, “The meeting with a rival gang got pushed to tonight because one of their members jumped one of my guys. We are just going to talk it out.”

“Talk it out?” I sob, hot tears streaming down my face, “Gangsters don’t talk it out! You guys are going to beat each other up in a pulp until one of you stops breathing! Do you think I’m stupid!?”

The next thing that happened was unexpected to say in the least. With my face still between his hands, Jaebum leans forward closing the little space we had between us. His eyes flutter to my parted lips before looking back up into my eyes. I close my eyes giving him the permission he was waiting for and without a moment to spare he presses his soft plump lips against mine. The fire in my stomach spiralled out of control, I didn’t even kiss him back before he quickly pulled away.

“I’ll see you later,” he smirks.

“Wait…I didn’t even…” I bashfully mutter with flushed cheeks, “…kiss you back…”

“Tonight, that’ll give you something to look forward to.”

“No Jaebum, I want you – it now,” I stumble over my words nervously.

Jaebum smiles rolling his eyes, “You know I can’t say no to you.”

“Good,” I breathe placing both hands on his cheeks and bringing him back towards me.

I press my lips against his and he eagerly moulds his lips against mine. I couldn’t help the temptation to nip at his bottom lip, so I did and much to my pleasant surprise he parts his mouth for me. Gently massaging his tongue with mine a soft groan rumbles through his chest as the usually dominant male became putty in my hands. I pull away first and Jaebum chases my lips, before the string of saliva could break, his lips were against mine again. I moan as his tongue darts back into my warm cavern. My hands slide from his cheeks to tangle themselves into his raven locks while Jaebum’s slid down my back to give my arse a firm squeeze. I groan tugging his hair back causing his head to roll back as well, “Jaebum…” I pant, “I’ll see you later.”

“Stay safe,” he sighs pushing his dishevelled hair back.

“I should be saying that to you, idiot. Stay safe Jaebummie.”

12:24 AM

I yawn wiping at the wet residue rings left on the counter from asshole customers who refuse to use coasters. Only one more hour and I can close shop I mentally groan throwing the towel into the sink. And only one hour and a half more until I see Jaebum again.

I sigh thinking back to what happened a few hours ago and I smile bashfully touching my lips still feeling his plump ones against them. I really wonder where our relationship stood, but regardless where we are I know it was mutual. Just as blissful thoughts fill my head I was quickly snapped out of it when my co-worker groans loudly slamming the cup she held in her hand against the counter causing me to jump.

“Great, we won’t be leaving early. Looks like a table of 7 just walked in,” she complains standing up on her tippy toes to get a better view of the group, “Well at least they are cute…maybe one of them will take me home,” she winks quickly scurrying off to snatch a man or two.

“I…I guess I’ll just be here…” I sigh in defeat as I look around the bar to only see old geezers as my co-worker ran to seat the apparently bunch of cuties at a booth in her section.

I didn’t have much time to mope seeing that I was being called “Hey girly!” left and right to top off drinks. I really need to find a less demeaning job, I thought to myself for the umpteen time tonight. But sadly I really needed the tips to pay off this month’s rent, “Coming right up, sir!” I chirp with the biggest grin I could muster up.

“And there you are!” I cheer happily placing a pint of beer, must I might add –on a coaster, for the last tipsy man who called me ‘girly’ to get my attention. He throws his head back and chortles grabbing my hand from the glass to give it a big wet slobbery kiss. I mentally scream wanting nothing but to scrub the skin off my hand but for the sake of tips I giggle girlishly, subtly slipping my hand away as he rambles on how he wants to take me home tonight. I suck in a deep breath with clenched fists as I listen to him objectify me. I hated it. This happens every night, maybe that’s why I found a strong admiration to Jaebum, he treated the poor girl working a dead end job like me like a princess and never failed to make me feel special. I sigh thinking about him, I really hope he is safe or at least not dying somewhere in the alley. I quickly excuse myself in a voice that even managed to annoyed myself before scrubbing my hands clean with soap. Finally I gave in to check my phone to see if Jaebum or Jackson left any new messages for me, but alas there was none but a stupid notification from some Facebook game request a person who I haven’t talked to since high school sent me.

“Yah (Y/N)! Get off your phone and go check out those cute guys. They are all so handsome!” My co-worker squeals nodding her head towards the back of the bar, “Just don’t look at the one with his hair pushed back! That one is mine! He’s so fucking hot.”

I shrug rolling my eyes, “I don’t care. You can take whoever you want, I’m trying to make money tonight not get an some STD, okay?”

“Ahh you are no fun! But like...would you mind if I left early?” She smirks wiggling her eyebrows. This wasn’t new. That’s one of the main reasons why I always locked up the pub by myself at 2 AM, she usually ditches the last hour of her shift when she finds a suitable man for the night.

“I don’t mind,” I shrug indifferently.

“Okay good because my man is making his way over right now!” She squeals frantically fixing her hair, “How do I look?”

“Desperate,” I laugh pushing her away.

“Hey girly!” a voice calls out for the fifteenth time in the past half hour and I outwardly groan, “I have a name!” I turn around to see my favourite towering male fixed in a fitted black leather jacket. He smirks, “I know, jagiya.”

I gasp running out from behind the bar to throw my arms around Jaebum’s neck, “Jaebummie!”

He softly chuckles wrapping his strong arms around my waist, picking me up off the ground, “Told you there’s nothing to worry about.”

“Yeah yeah yeah,” I sigh out in relief rolling my eyes.

“Wait…jagiya? You both are a thing?” my co-worker quirks a brow in disbelief.

My heart hammers against my chest and I didn’t know what to say. So I did what I did best, nervously giggle and look up to Jaebum to speak on my behalf. Who without hesitation nods pulling me into a tight back hug.

That was the first time I saw her get rejected and she didn’t take it very well, instead of just accepting it and moving on she questioned Jaebum, “Then why were you ogling at me earlier?”

I found Jaebum’s expression amusing. He raises a brow before coming into realization and his eyes disappear into little crescents, “Sorry, if I gave you the wrong message. I was actually looking at this little one.”

Apparently Jaebum’s charm worked on everyone regardless if it was rejection or affection because she smiles, “That’s okay. Kinda sucks though cause you are really hot.” Even though I was only aware that Jaebum and I were in a relationship at the same time my co-worker found out, like a minute ago, I was surprised when jealously so quickly flooded in my veins. So I was even more surprised when the next few words escaped from my mouth.

“Please don’t objectify him like that. He’s someone much more than his looks and I really care about him.”

She scoffs, “Chill (Y/N), I’m not some home wrecker. You go do you, yall both cute though. I’m just surprised that someone like him would like someone cute and innocent like you…and to be honest it’s extremely adorable.”

“O-Oh…” I shyly stutter, “Sorry I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“Nah don’t worry about it. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go hit on his friends,” she excitedly shimmies away with a bottle of Patron in each hand.

“Aren’t you cute protecting me for a change?” Jaebum chuckles against the shell of my ear causing shivers to run down my spine.

A string of giggles left my lips at the ticklish sensation, “Jaebummie let go! I need to get back to work!”

“Not before getting one kiss you don’t,” he childishly suggests sticking out his cheek. I roll my eyes giving him a quick innocent peck, “There! Now shoo! Go protect your friends!”

“I think it’s you who needs protecting…” Jaebum sighs as he watches the man who earlier gave me a hard time approach us.

“Hey pretty boy,” the man snarls, “That one’s mine. Go find yourself another girl.”

I watch intently as Jaebum’s muscles rippled through his body and I knew I had to stop him before I had to sign papers for witnessing a death at my workplace. I tightly grip Jaebum’s tense shoulder, “It’s okay Jaebum…I really need his tip so please just go.” I don’t know why I even tried knowing fully well that whatever I say would fall upon death ears when all Jaebum could see was red. So I wasn’t at all surprised when the next thing that happened was Jaebum’s fist connecting with the brawny man’s nose. I mean it could’ve been worse, knowing Jaebum he could’ve pulled out a gun and open fired.

The man clutched onto his bleeding nose and tried to make a beeline for the exit without paying for the bill and importantly without giving me my tip. But conveniently Jackson caught the man by his collar, “Ah ah ah, I think you are forgetting something!”

The man throws a few bills at floor and Jackson wasn’t having any of his attitude. I was already grateful that the bill was paid for but Jackson went the extra mile. “Pick that fucking shit up and put it in my hand!” The poor man did what he said. “Now –apologize to the lovely barista.” Which the man also did, “Good boy, and lastly don’t forget that big enormous generous tip!”

I look up at Jaebum who stood there with a content smirk on his face. Was this what the work of a gangster looked like? I was a quite scared but to be very honest I was also a little turned on. Jackson causes me to jump as he appears right before me in my personal space with his wide grin, “Here, this is your hard earned tip!” The terrifying aura left him and he was back to the bubbly puppy I met a day ago. I accept the large bills with shaky hands and I nervously laugh, “Jackson I think you deserve half of this extremely big tip…” I admit looking at the crumpled fifty dollar bills cupped in my hand.

That night I wasn’t surprised to see that all my customers tipped me, and with nothing short of ten dollars. I would like to think that it was because of my amazing service but I was pretty sure Jackson’s earlier display of dominance had a lot to do with it. As the customers started to leave one by one the pub eventually became empty with the exception of Jaebum’s gang. I quickly flipped the lock on the door, finally letting out a content sigh.

“(Y/N), come here,” Jaebum calls and I nervously shuffle my way over to his table. And like my frisky co-worker mentioned earlier there sat seven men who god spent a little more time on.

“O-Oh…hi…nice to meet you I’m (Y/N),” I smile timidly with a deep bow that almost connected my forehead with the sticky laminated table.

Jaebum pats the space beside him and I happily sit down so that I didn’t feel as if I was about to give a presentation in front of the class. I comfortably snuggle close to Jaebum’s side and he began his introductions, “So you’ve already met Jackson and Mark. This is Jinyoung, Youngjae, BamBam, and our youngest member Yugyeom.”

I nod, still not knowing who was who but I was pretty sure I would eventually get close to all of them. It was probably for the best not to mention it but curiosity got the better of me so I asked the most sensitive topic that probably shouldn’t be inquired when you first meet someone. “So…which one of you guys got jumped earlier?”

The entire group of men laughed, some ranging from soft chuckles to Jackson’s hyena cackle, however all but one thought that it wasn’t as funny as the group made it out to be. The youngest, who I think it was Yugyeom, whines childishly, “It’s not that funny!”

Jaebum laughs throwing his head back with such contentment in his face it made butterflies flutter in my belly. “Yugyeom got hit on by some guy on the street and he thought he was from a neighbouring gang. Turns out the guy just really wanted his ass...but for other reasons.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at the youngest along with Jaebum’s gang who seemed more like his brothers than anything. “Awww…poor Yugyeom. Are you okay though?” I ask between giggles making the poor boy pout.

“Noona…not you too,” as soon as he said that I felt extremely bad for teasing someone younger than me, “But yeah…I’m fine. He just slapped my ass.”

“So…the whole gang fight thing didn’t go down?”

“Nope, we even went to confront the neighbouring gang and even they laughed at Yugyeom,” BamBam explains while practically wheezing.

That night I finally got to meet the notorious gang who ran half of Gangnam, and apparently they were also known as GOT7. And apparently the seven didn’t represent the seven members they had in the gang, instead it stood for the seven major crimes they committed together. I would usually feel intimidated by this, any one would, however they were surprisingly very pleasant to be around so it felt like I was just spending time with a bunch of close friends. Then again, I never asked for details in what they did or done in the past.

2:34 AM

I yawn.

Time does fly by when you are having fun. I look at the television blaring in the background of the men’s loud chattering. Shit, it’s already past 2 and I haven’t started my cleaning yet. I sigh turning to look up at Jaebum, without a wait his attention is already on me, “What’s wrong?”

“I need to start cleaning now so that I could close before 3. My boss doesn’t pay me over time,” I sigh getting up with a stretch.

Jaebum tilts his head and his friends quickly get up from their seats, putting their five different conversations on pause.

“What can we help with?” Youngjae asks with a bright grin.

I blink allowing his words to sink in, finally when my slow brain did I shake my head profusely with flailing arms, “Ah no! Please sit down and relax it’s my job!”

“I’ll start mopping!”

“I’ll take out the garbage, let’s go Yugyeom.”

“Aish you are so mean Jinyoung hyung!”

The group bickers as they set out to find a task to help me and I felt extremely grateful. A group of handsome badass mafia men helping me clean out a run down pub, you don’t see that happening everyday. First, there aren’t usually handsome mafia men who come visit, and usually when they do they trash the place. I sigh shaking my head in defeat, “Jaebum…make them stop.”

He casually shrugs taking another swing of amber liquid from his glass, “Relax and enjoy it, they’ll be done in under 15 minutes.”

“Ahh that’s not the point!” I scold yanking his arm so that he would get up, “If they are working so should you!”

“But I’m their leader…” he whines while stacking up all the empty glasses from the table.

“Yes you are, but you aren’t a dictator so get your ass going,” I say ushering him towards the sink.

“True, you’re the dictator,” Jaebum coos with a smug grin as the palm of my hand connects with his back.

And just like Jaebum said, the place was spotless in record time. Jinyoung did an impeccable job with ordering the boys around to clean. The pub was cleaner than when I first started working here a few months ago. I grin plopping the last cup back onto the shelf, “Done!”

“Thank you all so much for the help, I really appreciate it!” I beam clapping my hands together.

The group collectively shrugged with replies on the line of ‘no problem’ and ‘you’re welcome’. I smile up at them, “It’s really nice meeting you. If it’s okay with Jaebum I would love for us to all go out again sometime!”

“Who cares what JB says, of course we will!” Jackson beams receiving an elbow in the ribs from Jaebum.

Jaebum leans into the blonde’s ear and whispers something that causes him to groan, “Are you serious? I hate doing drug deliveries on that side of town…”

I honestly sometimes forget that they were apart of the underground society until I hear shit like that. I laugh watching Jackson go on his knees to beg Jaebum to do that delivery himself. I see a white ball of cloth in my peripheral and I turn around to be met with Yugyeom holding my coat in his hand with a shy grin.

“Here (Y/N) noona,” he says helping me shrug into my coat. I raise a brow at the younger boy’s actions and he chuckles softly, “I’m sorry for ruining your alone time with JB earlier.”

I giggle shaking my head, “That’s okay Gyeommie,” I smile tippy toeing to pat his head softly, “Never hesitate to call when you are in trouble, okay?”

“You’re so kind noona,” the tall younger male cries pulling me into his side for a hug. I barely had time to return his embrace before Jaebum pulls me away and into his chest, “Yugyeom, you can do that delivery with Jackson.”

Jackson hollers as it was Yugyeom’s turn to cry now. I tut shaking my head, “Don’t be naughty Jaebummie.” I didn’t realize how suggestive that sounded until it was too late. Jaebum’s usually pale cheeks flush red while a moment of silence took place and suddenly his friends burst out laughing.

“Don’t be naughty JB~”

“Did she just call you Jaebummie?”

“Oh shit JAEBUMMIE!”

“JB isn’t working for me anymore, call I call you Jaebummie from now on?”

“JB is always naughty.”

Even though they were teasing Jaebum I felt my own cheeks heat up, “I’m so sorry…” I bashfully smile latching onto his bicep as he covers his face with one of his hands.

“If any of you guys call me that again I will literally cut off your fingers one by one while you watch,” he threatens, “And I’ll give them to the next person to eat. And repeat.”

“Jae…” I sigh, “Be nice…”

He frowns with his lower lip between his pearly white teeth, “Sorry…”

“Good boy, let’s go home then! Bye everyone!” I happily chirp pulling a defeated Jaebum to his car.

2:32 PM

Jaebum^^: Jagi?

[Y/N]: Jaebummie :)

Jaebum^^: It’s Monday so you don’t have work tonight and you just finished class, yes?

[Y/N]: That is correct you big stalker. What’s up?

Jaebum^^: Any interest in going to the winter festival?

[Y/N]: Like a date? :D

Jaebum^^: Don’t be dumb.

Jaebum^^: So is that a yes?

[Y/N]: I dunno :P

Jaebum^^: -__-

[Y/N]: Haha! That looks exactly like you!

Jaebum^^: Jagiyaaa

[Y/N]: I’ll meet you there!

Jaebum^^: I’ll come after making my delivery.

[Y/N]: Delivering flowers right?

Jaebum^^: No, drugs.

Jaebum^^: But did you want flowers?

[Y/N]: I’ll take the drugs.

Jaebum^^: Jagi…you can’t have that. It’s not good for you.

[Y/N]: Do yOU Do tHe DrUgs?

Jaebum^^: Of course not. How else would I have such good skin? ;)

[Y/N]: Good. I’ll see you soon then Jaebummm

[Y/N]: ie

Jaebum^^: Can’t wait.

8:48 PM

I sigh checking the time for the hundredth time that minute. Jaebum is almost an hour late. I sniffle rubbing my hands together for warmth as I sat on the bench overlooking the entrance to the festival. Maybe I should text him…perhaps he forgot even though he planned the date a few hours ago. Or maybe he was in the middle of a delivery…I definitely don’t want to disrupt him if he were to be in one. I slouch with a sigh watching the white puffs leave my lips, maybe I should just go home.

“Why so glum? Got stood up?”

My ears perk up at the familiar voice. I look up from the laces on my boots to see my brother’s best friend, Yoongi. He hasn’t changed much since I’ve seen him last month except for his hair colour, he couldn’t seem to keep one colour for long. There he stood confidently in his newly dyed mint coloured locks and his long black wool coat with a black turtleneck peeping through the collar. He smirks, hands in his pockets and thick black framed glasses perched on his nose, he looked like he was worth a million bucks, which he probably did as I could see his familiar Rolex peep from  under his coat’s sleeve.

“Yoongi oppa!” I grin as he plops down beside me on the bench. He rolls his shoulder and repositions himself so that he faced me with one leg over the other.

“So what brings you here? Wouldn’t you rather stay in and watch Netflix?” Yoongi asks indifferently, tapping his leather gloved hands against his cheek.

I bashfully giggle scratching my cheek with my frozen fingers, “Haha…wouldn’t you rather stay in too? And I was just about to head back home.”

“Did you really get stood up (Y/N)? I will literally go and kill the guy, you know that.”

I laugh causing white puffs to burst out, “I know! That’s why I’m not gonna tell you anything oppa.” The idea scared me. Yoongi fighting Jaebum. They were both equally scary but Jaebum was a part of a gang while Yoongi…I actually had no idea what he did for a living but if I remembered correctly he was notorious for picking fights with everyone during high school and for sleeping through all his classes.

Yoongi squints at me through his glasses, “I’ll tell your brother.”

I squint right back at him, “You wouldn’t dare…Suga…”

Yoongi outwardly cringes and hangs his head, “I thought that name died back in high school.”

“Well you are still sweet and pale like sugar now so?” I shrug teasingly, holding back the snort creeping up my throat. Yoongi had a phase where he called himself Suga, claiming that he was sweet like sugar. That was also the phase where he started getting involved with girls that but wasn’t any of my business.

“Come on, I’ll take you home then,” he suggests getting up from the bench.

“I…actually wanted to see the light festival,” I say with a small hopeful smile.

Yoongi groans holding out a hand for me, “Hurry up then. The faster we are done the faster I am home and in my bed.”

“Really?” I ask excitedly and he shrugs but I didn’t miss the corners of his lips lift up, “You’re the best Yoongi oppa!”

I latch onto his arm hugging his bicep tightly as I pull him to the direction of the light festival. My body slightly convulses as it made contact with his extremely warm body, immediately stealing his heat.

“Yahh you are freezing…let’s get some hot chocolate for you before we go see the stupid lights,” Yoongi complains trying his best to hide how considerate and sweet he was, just like how he was back in high school, “And of course I will pay, don’t worry. I know you are broke as fuck.”

“You’re still sweet like sugar!” I giggle snuggling up into his soft wool jacket.

Jaebum POV

I couldn’t believe the amount of deliveries we had today. Usually I would be extremely content however I couldn’t find the mood to be as I realized I was about an hour late to meet up with (Y/N). She was probably freezing her little self out there waiting for me. I floored the gas and made it to the festival in record time. As I pull up into the parking lot my heart skips a beat as her shrill voice screams out ‘oppa’ how could she see me from here? The answer was, she didn’t, I watch her from a distance as she happily launches herself at a male dressed in all black with his stupid mint coloured hair. He forcibly shoves her head away from his arm but she continued to stick on him like a fucking leech. I was livid. I could probably make it over the curb with my car and run him over without harming a hair on (Y/N)’s pretty little head. But she seemed so content, more content than she ever was around me and I couldn’t bring myself to ruin her little date. A date planned by me but stolen by fucking tiny ass mint head over there. I sigh looking at my passenger seat where a huge bundle of (favourite flowers) sat. What a waste of BamBam’s hard work of stalking all of her social media pages to find out her favourite flower arrangement.

12:18 AM

Your POV

I smile contently waving around the snowflake light stick Yoongi bought for me from a nice old man by the snowflake installation. I smile up at him as he rolls his eyes and looked anywhere but me.

“You’re going to whack someone in the face dumbass…and your poor ass won’t be able to pay off the charges they will sue your ass for,” he scoffs teasingly.

I laugh booping his nose softly with the wand, “That’s okay! I’ll steal your Rolex and give it to them. That should be enough to cover both eyes.”

“You know how important that thing is to me,” Yoongi sighs rolling his eyes, and for a moment it reminded me too much of Jaebum.

“I know~ Hobi oppa bought that for you for your birthday!” I giggle thinking about how cute the embodiment of gloom and doom was with his adorable sunshine boyfriend. Yoongi’s gummy smile surfaced for a good two seconds before he flicks me on my forehead and was back to his usual bored expression.

“Thanks for today…I had so much fun,” I grin slipping into his white Hummer.

Yoongi hums, “I had fun too.”

Even though he sounded indifferent my heart flutters with happiness, with Yoongi such simple words mean the world with this one. I smile contently looking out the window as I continue to wave around the light stick to the rap softly playing on the radio.

“Yoongi oppa?”

He hums for me to continue.

“Is my brother okay?” I ponder tapping the light stick against my chin, “He hasn’t visited me in a while.”

“Yeah he’s alright. Just caught up in something at the moment,” he sighs seemingly knowing all too well with the issue at hand, “We will all hang out next week okay? After your exams.”

I nervously laugh, “Ah ha oh yeah…my exams…”

“You’re a smart girl, you’ll be just fine,” Yoongi shrugs nonchalantly, “Just remember if you score less than 80% your brother is going to force you to move back on campus and you can’t work anymore.”

I groan, “I know…”

1:03 AM

With a loud yawn I flop onto the lumpy couch. I illuminate the screen on my phone to be welcomed with zero new messages. I frown opening Jaebum’s chat.

2:37 PM

Jaebum^^: Can’t wait.

Did he really forget about me? I felt a little bit hurt and I wanted to message him and confront him about it but at the same time I didn’t want to seem needy. Especially if he actually stood me up, that would smush the tiny bit of ego I had left. Sitting there staring at my phone until small black dots blurred my vision I decided on my next course of action.

[Y/N]: Jacksooooonnnnnnnn

J ♥: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

J ♥: What’s up?

[Y/N]: Do you know where Jaebum is?

J ♥: OF COURSE

J ♥: He’s right beside me drinking lots and lots

[Y/N]: Oh I see. Thanks Jacks.

J ♥: Why you asking?

[Y/N]: Nothing. Just curious…how long have you two been drinking?

J ♥: wAY TOO LONG

J ♥: JB IS SO FUCKING DRUNKKK

[Y/N]: Ah I see. Well make sure to take good care of him. I’m going to head to bed now. Good luck Jackson and good night! :)

J ♥: I was going to throw him off a bridge but since you asked so nicely…

J ♥: You got my word! I will take good care of him and tuck him into bed like the giant baby he is. Night!

I groan tossing my phone onto the cushion, Jaebum really forgot about me and went drinking with Jackson instead. My lip quivers and I could feel the water works starting. It’s not like we were in a relationship, just because he calls me jagiya doesn’t actually mean anything. I sigh closing my eyes refusing to let myself cry over such trivial matters. Once the hot tears subdued I sluggishly make my way towards the bathroom to get ready for bed.

Snuggled in bed with clean hair and fresh newly washed clothes I immediately felt better. I purse my lips reaching for my phone on the bedside table, flicking on the lock screen to be met with no new messages.

2:04 AM

I peep out the smeared windows from the pub to see nothing but pitch darkness aside from the dim street lamps dispersed at every block. Maybe Jaebum was just running late, I thought to myself hopefully as I sat in the booth to play on my phone.

2:31 AM

Okay.

Maybe he wasn’t coming.

To say that I felt embarrassed was an understatement. I hold back a sniffle and quickly got up from the booth and threw my backpack heavy with textbooks over my shoulders. I open the pub’s door to be met with winter’s merciless bite, “Ughh fuck me…” I mumble flicking the lock closed as my fingers already start to stiffen. I readjust the straps that were digging into my shoulders and looked around one final time to see no one in sight.

For some reason my heart hammered against my chest as I walked down the familiar dark littered street. I always walked back home like this for three months, only up until a week ago Jaebum started escorting me home. I can’t believe in just a week I have gotten so used to having his company making me feel safe and secure that now I’m literally shaking in my boots as I trek the short fifteen minute walk home. As much as I didn’t want to admit how scared I was, I wasn’t going to lie I was speed walking to the point that the back of my thighs burned. I was only five more minutes away from the apartment until I heard someone kick an empty beer can behind me.

I didn’t bother in turning around to be met with some late night sexual predator. I ran the rest of the way home. By the time I reached the apartment building I was out of breath panting with beads of sweat formed at my temple. But at least I was safe.

-

The next few following days panned out the same. However as each day passed I got more paranoid and I felt like I was being watched, even though it was most likely just my stupid brain playing games with me. It’s embarrassing, but I got so paranoid I ended up calling Jackson tonight.

“Jackson?” I meekly call out through the receiver and he greets loudly through his end.

“What’s up (Y/N)?”

“Sorry to bother you at this time but…can you please pick me up from work?” I ask my heart stopping for a moment a waiting for his reply.

“Is JB running late again? He shouldn’t be…he left early today.”

“Oh…um. Jackson, Jaebum hasn’t picked me up this entire week,” I explain.

“What? Then where has he been rushing off to every night?” Jackson ponders out loud on his end.

My stomach hits the floor and I wanted nothing more than to just hang up and go home and snuggle up in bed. I fake a laugh, “Actually it’s okay Jackson! I can get home myself! Sorry for calling you at 2 in the morning.”

“Oh what no it’s not a problem. I’m just surprised JB hasn’t been picking you up. I’ll head over right now. It’ll just take me 20 minutes to get over there,” Jackson explains as I hear him shuffling around.

“Ah, no that’s not necessary! I see Jaebum! Sorry for calling I’m gonna hang up now I don’t want to keep him waiting!”

“I knew it! He wouldn’t let his girl walk home at this time of the night. I’ll talk to you later, see ya!”

I quickly end the call, finally allowing the pent up sigh to escape. I felt a little guilty about lying to the bubbly man but I needed to end the call before my brain exploded at the newly obtained information. Where has Jaebum been sneaking off to if he wasn’t with me? I already felt sick in the stomach thinking about him playing around with other girls but that really wasn’t my business I tell myself the umpteenth time this week.

How pathetic. I haven’t even stepped a foot outside of the pub and my heart is already hammering. Maybe I should quit after today, I don’t think my weak heart can take anymore of this on top of the run home. I take a deep breath and peeped my head out the door to take a good look around my surroundings and my heart stops mid beat as I catch movement of a figure hastily hiding behind the corner. Without missing a beat I slam the door shut and locked the door. I take out my phone with shaky hands and I opened to Jaebum’s contact profile. Hyperventilating as my thumb hovered over the call button. I shake my head and quickly hit the back button, what if he was in the middle of something? I can’t possibly bother him with my stupid little problems so I did the only thing I think of.

“Hey…Jackson?”

-

In exactly 20 minutes his headlights flood the pub and I almost forgot to lock the door as I desperately made my way into his strong arms. I cried into his scarf hugging him tightly while he pat my head softly.

“I want Jaebum!” I sob my voice echoing down the street.

The blonde sighs, “I really thought he was picking you up. I texted him before coming to get you and he just said ‘K’ I seriously don’t know what’s going through that thick skull of his.”

“I’m sorry Jackson. I didn’t want to bother you but I’m paranoid, I feel someone watching me. And…and after that time with those drunk people I’m scared when Jaebum isn’t there with me,” I confess pulling away from him to look up at him to see his sincere expression.

He smiles warmly, “Well I’m no JB but I’m sure I can make you feel safe. I’ll drop you back home from now on until you get this sorted out with JB. Does that sound good?”

I nod happily with tears of contentment slipping down my cheeks, “Y-Yeah.”

Jaebum POV

My phone rings and I pick up knowingly who was on the other end.

“Is she home Jackson?”

Despite the urgency in my voice the blonde just laughs on the other end, “Yeah yeah she’s home. I even walked her to her door just as you wanted. So…tell me why have you been stalking her home and making her paranoid to the point she cried today?”

“S-She cried?” I stutter into the receiver. My heart panging with guilt that I caused her distress, yet again.

“Yeah. She thought that she was getting stalked. But little did she know it was just you keeping an eye on her cause you are too chicken to confront her after catching her with some guy,” Jackson sighs all teasing put aside he was genuinely upset by how I handled the situation.

“She cried because I scared her?” This already happened once I didn’t want to be the cause of her tears because of my thoughtless actions.

Jackson chuckles on his end, “Actually, she was crying for you. She literally said ‘I want Jaebum’ you should just talk to her JB. The guy was probably just a school friend or something. I’m no love expert but she really likes you, don’t fuck this up. She’s a great girl, don’t lose her because you are scared that she’s invested with someone else. Because with what I’m understanding, the only person she’s invested in is you.”

I registered all of that but the only thing that was able to leave my lips was, “Is this really Jackson?”

And my question was answered when he started shouting profanities on the other end. He takes a deep breath, “Just go talk to her will you?”

“I will.”

Your POV

6:14 PM

‘Thank god I didn’t have work today’ rang through my head all day as I sat during my lecture. After yesterday I was slightly embarrassed to ever show my face to Jackson again. I can’t believe I cried and made him pick me up from work because I was feeling a little paranoid.

I groan dragging my feet a long the sidewalk making my way to the 7-Eleven to pick up something for tonight’s dinner. I’m going to get some nice hot meal tonight instead of my usual instant ramen noodles, and that was the only thing I’m looking forward to this entire week.

My eyes wander the array selection of snacks and I wanted to stuff all of them into my basket but with only twenty dollars in my pocket I had to settle for one package of (your favourite snack) so that I could afford the assorted bento. Sometimes I regret being so stubborn and not accepting charity money from my brother, I could’ve easily bought the entire shelf of snacks with his generosity. With two dollars to spare I happily bought a hot cup of coffee to keep me warm on the long walk home.

I contently sip on the steaming hot liquid that successfully warmed up my hands and my chest. So far my day was been great considering how shit the rest of my week has been with Jaebum ignoring me and the endless paranoia on the walks back home. Almost immediately as I thought that my life was getting just a bit brighter, I finally see Jaebum after a whole week. There he stood in his calm stoic expression tall and confident on the other side of the road clad characteristically in all black, however instead of his usual leather jacket he was clad handsomely in a long wool jacket similar to Mark’s. I almost thought that he was maybe just a figment of my imagination considering how fast he came into my life and how fast he just left without an explanation. But here I was finally getting the explanation I deserved to his sudden disappearance. I watch as he places his gloved hand on the small of the back of a tall and slender beauty. He opens the door to an apartment complex for her and ushers her impatiently inside. Jaebum quickly follows her in right after, closing the door behind them.

Any hopes of mutual feelings on his end flew away with the cold winter wind. Of course he had a girlfriend who carried herself with the upmost confidence and looked just as sexy as him. It was a cruel joke that he played on me, making me think that I actually had a chance with someone like him, however I couldn’t exactly give him all the blame. I mean, I was stupid enough to think that I was ever good enough to be with him. Rich, handsome and kind despite his lifestyle then there was me. Average in looks and just about everything else I did, poor and straight up naïve. My chest tightens and clenches but I found comfort in it, at least I finally know where I stand with him. And where I stand is nowhere near his side and that was fine because I finally know and I can stop waiting like a high school girl for her crush to text her back.

I glance down at the scarf and wool coat Jaebum bought me and suddenly I didn’t feel so warm anymore, even with the hot coffee burning through its sleeve and into my hand. It was fun while it lasted I guess, getting treated like his princess, but it’s finally time to wake up to reality. I didn’t want anything to do with Jaebum anymore.

7:28 PM

The 7-Eleven dinner was bland.

But that was probably just me. My sour mood must’ve overpowered the MSG in the food. Out of the entire situation the only thing I was proud of was how I still haven’t cried. Maybe I’ve seen this coming, when has any of my love interests ever liked me back? And why would they now? Jaebum carried himself well, he was confident and got whatever or whoever he wanted. Even though he was always dotting on me calling me sweet names and such he never once asked me officially to be his. My brother always warned me of this, if a person doesn’t officially ask you, you can’t complain if they ever leave you. Because you were actually never in a relationship, you can’t accuse the other of cheating, the only person you can accuse is yourself and that is for being stupid. My brother was wise, too bad I was always too dense to ever listen to him. I shut my eyes and before I knew it I fell into a deep sleep.

12:41 AM

I groan groping in the general vicinity of my vibrating phone on the table beside the couch. Finally getting a hold of it I turn on the screen to be met with blinding light. I yelp hastily putting the brightness on the lowest setting but even so it was still too bright. My eyes finally adjust but my brain still couldn’t comprehend the words on the screen.

Jaebum^^: Hey, how have you been?

Jaebum^^: I apologize for not picking you up this week. Something came up.

Yeah your dick.

That’s what I wanted to type and my fingers were physically itching to click send. But I figured I should save the little dignity I had left by handling the situation in a more mature manner.

[Y/N]: I understand. That’s okay.

Jaebum^^: I knew it! You’re the best. Is it alright if I came over? I haven’t seen you in a while.

Jaebum^^: I miss you.

My heart pumps at concerning speeds as I angrily came up with a reply. How long does he think he can play me?

[Y/N]: I don’t want to see you.

Jaebum^^: Ah…yeah it’s pretty late. Maybe tomorrow?

[Y/N]: No JB. I don’t want to see you ever.

Jaebum^^: Are you seriously that angry because I haven’t picked you up?

Jaebum^^: You know I’m not your fucking taxi driver right?

I wanted to scream at him in all capitals and say ‘NO IT’S BECAUSE YOU ARE FUCKING CHEATING ON ME’ but I remember my brother’s words, it’s not cheating because I was never dating him to begin with.

[Y/N]: No of course not. I really did appreciate you taking me home.

[Y/N]: It’s just that…I think it’s better if we don’t see each other again. It’s not good for me.

Jaebum^^: Did something happen?

Jaebum^^: Did someone hurt you? I will fucking gut them alive.

You did Jaebum.

Jaebum^^: You never call me JB.

Jaebum^^: Are you being blackmailed? Held captive?

[Y/N]: Don’t be silly. I’m safe.

[Y/N]: Everyone calls you JB. And I feel that we aren’t on the first name bases.

[Y/N]: Sorry JB. But I need to go.

Jaebum^^: [Y/N]

I sigh feeling slightly guilty giving him the cold shoulder but I deserved better than to be disrespected like that. Without another thought I turn off my phone and stuffed it into the seat of the couch, out of sight out of mind. I deserve my only one night off and I should enjoy it as much as I can. Flicking on Netflix I watch until I fell asleep on the couch.

2 AM

I don’t know if I was happy that Jaebum didn’t show up to take me home or if I was disappointed. Regardless the walk home was fine, I didn’t feel like someone was watching me compared to prior days where I felt lingering eyes on my back. Even so I couldn’t help but fantasize him waiting for me by the door with flowers in hand and saying something along the lines of ‘It was just a misunderstanding, let’s go home now’. I sigh shaking my head, I got to stop thinking about him and hurry home so that I can focus on the final exams creeping up in a few days.

I throw open the door to my apartment and drop my bag on the floor with a thud. Just as I was about to switch on the light I heard another thud, however it wasn’t from my bag this time, it was coming from my bedroom. My heartbeat accelerates along with my anxiety till it reached the peeling ceiling. I quickly lock the door and grabbed the conveniently placed baseball bat that rested with my umbrella by the door, thank you Taehyung for forgetting to pick it up for weeks. I hold the bat tightly in my hands and slowly followed the sound. I was not getting robbed today, I am too fucking broke to have to deal with this kind of bullshit. I chanted over and over in my head. Sucking in a deep breath I kick open the door and took a powerful swing at the intruder. It was dark to say in the least. I could barely see so I missed their head, however I managed to connect the solid piece of wood with the person’s arm. They hiss in pain, “Fuck! (Y/N)!”

“What?” I scream blindly waving around the bat with no intentions of stopping.

The person groans and flicks on the light.

I stood there readying myself for another swing as I was now practically blind from the bright light. I squint and finally see the person I thought I would never see again in leather hunched over my cabinet holding his now throbbing arm.

Jaebum.

His usually crisp and clean appearance was covered in blood dribbling down his forehead. His hair was slick with sweat as his face contorts in pain. I look down to see that his white tshirt was drenched completely red where his hand was clenching on his stomach.

“Jaebum…” I breathe soaking in everything before me as his clothes soaked in his blood, “Jaebum…” I call again dropping the bat and cautiously walked up to him.

I could feel his hot sticky blood seeping into my coat as I held him tightly, refusing to let him go.

“Sorry. I couldn’t make it back home so I stopped by here…” he pants heavily, “I…I know you don’t want to see me.”

“Shut up…” I whimper hot tears bubbling over and streaming down my cheeks and onto his neck.

“Sorry for scaring you…I was getting up to tell you not to freak out but,” he chuckles before wincing immediately, “You know how to take care of yourself I’m so proud.”

“I don’t care about any of that…Jaebum what do I do? How can I help you?” I sob looking up at him, his face only a mere few millimeters away from mine. His eyes flutter closed his long eyelashes on full display as he closes the space. Jaebum’s soft full lips presses desperately against mine, “Stop crying.”

I sniffle nodding hysterically, “Okay. Okay what now?”

“Stop freaking out. I’m not dying,” Jaebum softly smiles as he pulls away to rest his weight against the cabinet, “I’m okay.”

I gesture wildly at him, “That’s not okay! You’re bleeding everywhere!” I scream causing him to wince.

“To be honest, where you hit my arm hurts the most,” he proudly grins. I know he meant it as a joke to make me feel better but it completely had the opposite effect. I sob even louder throwing myself onto the ground by his feet.

“I’m just kidding!” he panics. Despite his serious injuries he bends down and helps me to my feet when he could barely stay up on his very own two ones, “I’m just kidding…” he coos pulling me against his damp chest.

I stifle my cries and hold him tightly snuffing my nose against his neck. Sweat and metallic iron filled my nostrils. He gently rubs his hand up and down my back, “I have a favour to ask of you.”

I nod.

He lowers himself with some difficultly onto the bed as I take off my jacket. In his sitting position I slip him from his leather jacket and placed it beside him on the bed. I take a deep breath, hands on the hem of his shirt. With closed eyes I peel the sticky fabric off his body and dropped it onto the floor. I open my eyes to see Jaebum also having his eyes squeezed shut. I lower my head and gently kissed his cheek causing his warm chocolate brown eyes to flutter open. He innocently looks up at me and I smile softly lowering his body to recline on the small bed.

“It’s okay, trust me?” I quietly ask holding the needle and thread in shaky hands. He nods gazing up at me as my own eyes roam over the multiple stab wounds littering his front. I shakily take a seat in my chair and placed the warm bowl of water in my lap. Soaking the white towel I ring it out and took a deep breath before allowing the fabric to meet his skin. I close my eyes momentarily to get rid of the dizziness I felt from seeing the amount of blood seeping out of his milky white flesh.

“I-It’s okay…” I coo swallowing drily as I gently sew up his deepest opening. He sighs, forehead beading in sweat as he squeezes his eyes shut. A soft moan leaves his lips despite the force he bit on his bottom lip. “I’m sorry…it probably hurts even more because I’m doing it and I don’t know shit…” I breathlessly laugh trying my best to quickly finish up this one to put him out of his misery. His stomach clenches in pain as I pull the thread to close up the wound and blood started to bubble from his other openings. The thread gets tangled with his skin as I stubbornly pull at the string. Jaebum groans softly as blood cascades down his ribs and onto the bedding. Tears start to blur my vision, “I…I can’t do it Jaebum…you need professional help. I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing!” I sob tears falling once again.

Jaebum hushes me softly caressing my cheek, brushing the hot sticky tears away, “Shh, I trust you with my life. (Y/N) are doing great.” He assures with a tired smile, “Just pull the thread tightly.” I rub away my tears the back of my hand and nod, “Okay.”

I pull the string with all my might closing up the opening successfully. Maybe a little too successfully, his skin bunches around the thread causing a loud moan to leave Jaebum, “Fuck...that’s my girl,” he hisses under his breath, “Now two more. Just maybe a little more gentle okay?”

I shyly smile nodding, “Sorry Jaebummie.” He lets out a heavy breath with a content smile, “I thought I was never going to hear you call me that again. I’m so relived.”

“I’m still mad at you,” I huff sticking the needle with a little more confidence into him. He takes a sharp intake of breath, “What did I do? I should be mad with you!” he says defensively.

“What?” I threaten glooming over his reclined body and he smiles sheepishly waving away the situation with his better arm, the arm that I didn’t facture. Being petty I pull the thread just as hard as my first accidental one. Jaebum sucks his teeth and clenches the bedding in his fist in blinding white pain. After sewing up two wounds and the first one being the longest and deepest the last sewing job as a piece of cake. And watching the intimidating man withering in pain and moaning in my bed gave me the sympathy to be gentle for his last one. He sighs in relief as he was preparing himself for another brutal assault but it never came. I give his toned chest and stomach one final wipe with the now pink towel before bandaging him up snuggly. I told him to wait as I went to change the water and towel to gingerly wipe away the sweat and dried up trickle of blood on his temple, “There.”

The corners of his lips twitch upwards as he nuzzles his cheek against my palm. Jaebum turns his head and presses his chapped lips against my thumb, “Thank you,” he breaths closing his eyes finally allowing the exhaustion to take over his body.

“You can stay the night…I guess,” I huff retracting my hand to cross my arms over my chest, “I’m going to shower and get ready for bed,” I quietly say tapping my fingers against the now cold bowl of water.

The hot shower was much needed after that eventful and probably life scarring experience. Never had I’ve seen that much blood in my life and that is coming from a girl who seen drunk people make broken glass rain at work. I also never stitched a person up before, my hands can still feel the resistance of skin against the tip of the needle before finally giving in and getting punctured. I slip into my Ryan Bear pajamas seeing no shame in them since Jaebum already saw them last week. I quietly navigate my way from the bathroom and through the bedroom trying my best to not wake up Jaebum.

“Where are you going?” his soft voice calls out.

“Um…to the living room,” I explain but it sounded more like a question.

Jaebum tries to get up into a seated position but his face contorts in pain as he accidently applies pressure onto his bruised arm. He raises a brow and tilts his head to the little space beside him on the twin sized bed, “Why don’t you sleep here?”

A small smile stretches across my features and I shake my head reluctantly, “That’s probably not a good idea.”

“Oh right. Your boyfriend would get mad,” Jaebum practically growls out.

“I think the only person who is getting mad is you Jaebum,” I lightly laugh, “But no. I don’t have a boyfriend and I wont sleep with you because you have a girlfriend. Anyways, good night Jaebum.”

I give him another small smile before making my way to the door to the living room. What Jaebum did next made me and all the doctors around the world scream as well. He jumps up from the bed to jumps to block the door with no pain evident in his face in his hurried panic.

“What girlfriend?! The only girlfriend I want is you and I thought I made that clear!” He spits out in a frantic haste.

I blink up at him before hitting him on the chest, “What the fuck Jaebum! It’s not that big of a deal! Get back in bed you’re hurt!” I scream shoving him back to bed but he didn’t move a budge.

“Only if you join me,” he stubbornly replies, I huff crossing my arms over my chest and he did the same. I roll my eyes and gestured my head over to the bed and made my way over with him. He slips back into the indent he made into the bed while I sit beside him on the small space beside him careful to not accidently brush against him.

“So you were mad because you thought I had a girlfriend?” He inquires slipping a hand under the pillow as he laid on his side facing me. I look down at him and nodded biting my lip.

“Well you didn’t talk to me for a week after leaving me at the festival waiting for you for an hour and when I finally see you were you were walking a really pretty girl into an apartment! What else was I supposed to think you dumbass! And you made me walk home all alone and it was scary!” At that moment I could probably audition at some entertainment company and debut as the next best female rapper after CL. After finally letting out my bottled emotions I felt a lot better, but bringing up my week’s trouble I felt the waterworks start up again.

Jaebum laughs snuggling his face into the fluffy pillow. He reaches a hand out and pulls me so that I lay closely beside him. Practically sharing a pillow with him he gazes deeply into my eyes and smiles his crescent eyed smile, “I thought I made myself very clear that I love you and that I want to be with you,” he says knitting his eyebrows together. “Well first, I’m sorry about the festival. I did come but extremely late, a job got me caught up. That was my fault. But I saw you with this stupid mint hair guy and I got mad and left.”

I giggle, “You get jealous that easily? I thought I made it very clear that I like you too.”

“Well…you are a extremely kind girl okay? You could’ve just been being nice to me. I don’t know! Anyways, that led to not picking you up. But I was there, I stalked you home and I made you feel paranoid which is also my bad.”

My shoulders shake trying to hold back my laughter, “Ahh Jaebum…”

“And third, that pretty girl was a prostitute. We escort all our girls to their clients to ensure their safety. Regardless I don’t know why you of all people would be jealous at all. You are the most beautiful girl out there anyways,” he confesses in all seriousness. After explaining everything he takes in a huge breath then flashed me a shy smile.

Blood rushes to my cheeks and I blush a bright red similar to a tomato, “Y-You can’t just say things like that!”

“I will tell you everything no matter how embarrassing if that can make you stay. I don’t want to lose you,” he says raking his fingers over my spine. I sheepishly grin looking anywhere but deep into his eyes.

“I didn’t know where our relationship stood. You never asked me out officially…” I lamely interject and he smiles.

“I didn’t realize I had to officially ask you out to show how much I cared for you since I thought my actions said enough. But if that can prevent this from happening ever again…” he sighs rolling his eyes teasingly, “Will you do me the honour and be my girlfriend?”

“That was so cheesy,” I complain with a groan stifling the giggle as he presses the tip of his nose against mine.

“You loved it. Shut up and kiss me,” he hums closing his eyes.

I roll my eyes and press my lips against his.

“So is that a yes or a no?” Jaebum ponders throwing the cover over us.

I laugh snuggling into the already warmed up blankets, “Are you stupid?”

“I need you to confirm so the next time I see you with another man I know you aren’t cheating on me,” he whines teasingly as I relentlessly hit him regardless of his injuries.

“Yes. Yes I will be your girlfriend. You are so stupid I hate you,” I sigh closing my eyes. Regardless of the indifferent front I put up, he felt my heart hammering happily against his.

“I love you too. Now go turn off the lights (Y/N),” he yawns closing his eyes with a smug smile on his lips.

“What? No I’m comfortable you go turn it off.”

He feigns pain, “B-But I’ve been stabbed.”

“Oh god, I fucking hate you Jaebum.”

9:32 AM

“Hey don’t you have class?”

My eyes flew open and I abruptly sit up from bed. The sudden rush of blood to my head causes black dots to appear in my vision. I blink reaching over for my phone.

“Just kidding. It’s reading week for you no?”

Relief floods my body but not it was replaced with complete and utter annoyance. I whip my head around to see Jaebum lying down smugly with arms behind his head.

“Okay you little shit…” I seethe between my teeth, “What do you want.”

Jaebum pretends to be in deep thought before his face lights up brightly, “Pancakes and a nice hot shower!”

I flop down into the mattress with a groan, “You woke me up like that for pancakes? Go shower yourself.”

“I can’t. You hurt my dominant arm,” and if that wasn’t enough to make me feel guilty already he adds, “When you tried to club me to death.”

“You haven’t been my boyfriend for more than 12 hours and you already want me to bathe you?”

“Yeah”

“Alright let’s go you freak.”

-

I told myself it wasn’t anything sexual. He needed me to help him shower because he was hurt, that was all. Even so, when he starts to strip of his pants I was internally screaming. I close my eyes but I hear loud and clear the fabric dropping and pooling by his feet. I hear his chuckles and a loud slapping noise as he teasingly stretches and snaps the elastic of his boxers. I mumble some profanities under my breath as the smaller piece of fabric drops to the tiled floor.

“I need help,” Jaebum states indifferently.

I shake my head eyes still squeezed shut, “No you don’t. You’re a big boy.”

“Yeah I am. You can see too if you just open your eyes,” he teases and I practically choke on my spit.

“Jaebum!” I whine covering my face with my hands.

“No seriously though, I can’t take off the bandages.”

I groan blindly swiping my hands at the air to find him. Surely enough with my luck I accidently traveled a little too low to swat the back of my hand against his precious family jewels. I scream mentally taking in how soft the skin felt and how much resistance it had when getting hit which only meant that he was in fact quite large. But I didn’t want that to plague my brain so I continued to scream hoping the sound would drown my dirty thoughts and flush them right out of my brain.

“Ah jagi, I just want a shower. Why are you teasing me?”

“I-I’m not! It was an accident and you know that!”

He hums contently probably shrugging but I couldn’t really tell as my eyes were still glued shut. Jaebum takes my hands in his and places them on his chest. I smooth my palms against his hot skin and found the bandages quickly undoing them. He lets out a soft sigh as my hands travelled lower and lower but after no indications of any more bandages I quickly retract my hands to my sides, “There.”

“You know I don’t care if you see me naked,” he says suddenly with his hands rubbing soothing circles into my hips.

“I know you don’t,” I stutter with a blush.

“Then open your pretty eyes,” he chuckles.

Testing the waters I crack open one eye to see him grin. Then I opened my other eye but I refused to look any lower than his broad shoulders. He gives me a goofy grin that I started to feel characteristically more fitting than his brooding aura that he held a week ago. His gaze flutters down to my lips but he didn’t kiss me this time. Instead he drags me to the shower. I roll up my sleeves and tippy toed to grab the handle of the showerhead. I test the warm water in my hand before spraying him with it. He bites his lips as the water stung his wounds but for the most part he seemed to enjoy the water cascading down his body taking away all of yesterday’s sweat.

“Well go soap yourself,” I sternly say and he simply shrugs.

“I can’t my arm hurts. I think you broke it,” he pouts and I spray his face attempting to wash away his lies.

He stands there with no intention to move. I lather the soap in my hands and gingerly rub it into his chest, under his arms, and extremely carefully over his stitches. Thank god he took pity in me and lathed soap in his lower region by himself with his single uninjured hand. I spray the soap away before washing his hair. He grins rather cutely at me as I worked shampoo into his locks, with a cloud perched on his head I couldn’t help but laugh at him.

I managed to stay rather dry considering that I practically had one foot in the shower but it didn’t last long once Jaebum pulled me into a tight hug before he had the chance to dry off.

“Thank you,” he hums against the shell of my ear.

I wasn’t sure if I was blushing by his voice being so close to my ear and sending vibrations straight through my body or if it was because I could feel his soft limp member pressed against my stomach. Regardless I was at a loss of words so I nod shyly in return.

Thankfully I wore boxers as shorts and extremely baggy t-shirts and even more thankfully Jaebum fit in them. I could only look at him properly once he was covered in my green checker print boxers and my bright yellow oppai tee. (Google this if you don’t know what it is, it’s gold) I couldn’t help but throw my head back in laughter at how silly and adorable he looked in colourful clothing. And to top off the look with his hair freshly blow dried with no gel pushing his hair back his fringe sat on his forehead and he looked like a completely different person, he looked soft. His strong arched eyebrows were covered but left his two cute moles peeping from under the tresses of onyx hair. I smiled up at him, I can’t believe this is the man that runs the notorious and merciless GOT7.

Even though I insist that he relaxes on the couch while I throw together his pancakes he persistently follows me closely into the kitchen where he stuck to me like glue. His arms never fail to circle my waist tightly as I made my way around the kitchen.

“Ah you are in the way! Go relax will you!” I complain even though he wasn’t really. I enjoyed his attention very much, however I just don’t want him to know that even though I’m well aware that he knows all too well already.

Instead of coming back with a snarky reply like he usually does he kisses my neck causing the pancake I was attempting to flip fly out of my pan.

“Jaebummie…” I groan as I feel his teeth nip at the supple skin.

I could feel him smile against my neck before he suckles the skin into his mouth. He pulls away with a pop and a smug grin, “Okay.”

He pulls away and makes his way to the couch, leaving me in the kitchen with a pancake on the floor and a hickey on my neck. This man will be the death of me, I swear.

After successfully making a stack of buttermilk pancakes and throwing on a handful of fresh strawberries and blueberries I bring it to Jaebum who was sprawled on the couch like a starfish.

“Yah your pancakes your majesty,” I tease placing them in front of him on the coffee table. He grins sitting up excitedly but thankfully a little more careful of his stitches compared to yesterday. I smile contently watching him gobble up the fluffy cakes. He turns to me with stuffed cheeks, a little piece still sticking out from his lips causing me to giggle. He quickly swallows surprisingly managing to not choke to death and leans in to capture my lips. Even though it was a chaste kiss I could still taste the sweet syrup on him. He smiles pulling away, “Thank you for the food.”

“You like getting babied don’t you?” I curiously ask fighting back a smile.

He blinks pulling his lips into a thin line, “No one ever babies me. Only you do so I’m going to enjoy it obviously.”

I laugh throwing my head back and onto the backrest of the couch, “Big scary mafia boss likes getting pampered?”

He rolls his eyes stuffing another full cake into his mouth, “Well if you put it that way I’m going to deny it.”

“I mean I don’t really care. When you are with me I only see Jaebum. I don’t see JB the mafia boss,” I smile watching a pretty pink dust his pale cheeks, “I also think you look cute with your hair down. I don’t mind your hair pushed back at all, it makes you look unbelievably sexy. But you look so adorable right now with your natural fluffy hair.”

“I don’t want to be cute!” He defensively yells as his cheeks grow darker in shade.

“You’re so cute,” I grin picking at the fruit that laid forgotten by Jaebum in his pursuit for pancakes.

-

The rest of the day consisted of me nursing Jaebum, whether it be getting him a glass of water, get a itch on his back, or rubbing his stomach cause he ate too fast, I did it all. It was nearly 3 PM when I realized I had to go to work, however I was extremely reluctant to leave Jaebum alone like this. While he took a nap on the couch with his head in my lap I made a call into the pub. With one hand continuing to run through his soft tresses while the other held the phone to my ear.

“Hey – sorry I…have a personal emergency I can’t come into work for a few days.”

Surprisingly my boss was completely understanding of the situation. Most probably because I never complained while I took all the shitty shifts and covered for anyone who couldn’t come into work. Having the next few days off would be good, giving me time to care for Jaebum and focus on studying for my final exams. However I can’t help but feel nervous by the nagging that rent money is due in a couple of days as well. It’s probably better to tell my landlord earlier than later that I wouldn’t be able to deliver the full amount by Thursday. I didn’t even realize I groaned out loud until the softly snoring Jaebum’s eyes flutter open to look up at me curiously.

“What’s wrong?”

“Ah it’s nothing. Why don’t you go take a nap on the bed? I’ll be back soon I just need to go do something really quick,” I smile reassuringly as he nodded with question.

“Okay,” he smiles warmly, “Stay safe.”

-

I took my sweet time walking down the flights of stairs to get to the first floor where my landlord lived seeing that I was dreading what was coming. I take a deep breath before my knuckles made contact with the door. Shortly after the old man hobbled his way to the door and opened it with a toothy grin, “Ah Miss. (Y/N)! How can I help you?”

I scratch my cheek nervously with my index finger, “I…I just wanted to apologize that my rent money won’t be ready for you by Thursday. I know this is my second month in a row being late but believe me when I say I will get the money to you.”

The old man sighs before erupting in a fit of laughter. Oh man I did it. I broke the poor man who has to deal with my physically poor ass. He shakes his head, “Don’t worry about that dear. A handsome young man came to see me about a week ago and gave me enough money to cover your rent for about a year.”

My eyes bulge out in utter shock, “A-A year?!”

“I was just as shocked as you dear!” The man wholeheartedly chuckles, “He just said ‘This should cover her rent, don’t give her a hard time’ and left, just like that! He never even asked how much your rent was.”

I frown, this smelled like my brother all over it or Jaebum.

“May I ask who gave you the money?”

“Ah the man was very handsome. Dressed all black, leather jacket. Very intimidating. Thank the gods that he was giving me money and not asking me for money in return! I would be shaking in my shoes!”

Definitely Jaebum.

“Was there anything else he said?”

“Oh! Just to…” the man gulps suddenly nervous, “Not tell you…Oh! Dear me! Please don’t tell him I told you!”

“Of course I wont!”

-

God help Jaebum. I storm up the flight of stairs with purpose as if I were starring in some broadway musical.

“Jaebum!!!” I screech sending the bedroom door practically swinging off its hinges.

He peers up from under the covers unaffected by my booming voice, “Yes?”

“Did you pay for my rent? You know I hate depending on others!” I cry out in disbelief.

“Ah that fucking old man had one job,” Jaebum cusses under his breath.

“Jaebum…why?” I ask evidently upset that he spent so much of his money on me.

“I don’t see what’s the big problem (Y/N),” he sighs sitting up for the long speal that he knew was coming his way.

“I don’t want to be dependent on others Jaebum. I want to work hard and earn for myself. I can take care of myself,” I explain pinching the bridge of my nose in irritation.

“And I want to care for you. It’s okay to be dependent on others (Y/N) especially on me. I think everyone around you knows how capable you are at taking care of yourself but you should enjoy life a little. Yes you are making money for your necessities but your health is plummeting because you work insane hours while juggling school. I just want to take a load off your back because it hurts watching you stress out over such a little thing like money,” Jaebum explains rather calmly with a small shrug.

I pull my quivering lips into a frown, he was too sweet just like the syrup that tainted his lips earlier. I fight a sniffle and made my way over to the bed to snuggle into his side, “Thank you…” I mumble allowing his arms to pull me flush against his sculpted warm body.

“I never want money to be an issue for you. It’s literally just paper. I just want you to focus on school and do what you love and makes you happy. Understood?”

“Understood,” I grin as happy tears slip down the corners of my eyes.

“Ahh are you crying again? You big baby…” he teases with his voice full of admiration, “What if I told you I also paid off your school tuition?”

I sat up to look at him seriously and he laughs “I didn’t! I know how important it is for you to pay it off by yourself. You can try your best first and whatever is left I will cover it for you. Deal?”

“Thank you Jaebum,” I smile through my blurry tear vision. Regardless I could still make out his bright grin.

“Please continue to take care of me Jaebum,” I cry finally admitting that I wanted someone’s help. It felt good and at the same time it didn’t make me feel weak. Jaebum helped me because he wanted me to focus on things that made me happy. He didn’t give me charity money because he pitied me, he wanted me to work hard for bigger and better things without money being a factor that was weighing me down.

“Jaebum?”

He hums in reply, “Yeah?”

“I love you too,” I smile wiping away my happy tears, “I didn’t say it yesterday. But I love you too.”

“Yeah I know,” he smugly concludes pulling me back against his body, “I love you most.”

He pulls me into a kiss as I lean over him allowing him to continue to lie on his back. Even though he was beneath me he still forged dominance as he slips in his warm appendage into my hot cavern. I moan softly as he palms his hand against my breast.

“Jaebum…you’re hurt. We should wait until you’re better,” I sigh pulling away as his lips stubbornly follows mine catching them again.

“I already waited. I wanted to do this in the car when you first kissed me,” he mumbles against my cheek.

“Wouldn’t it hurt?” I ask slightly concerned if it was a good idea to get physical in his condition.

“It hurts more having a hard throbbing cock than a slight tug of stitches. Also knowing you, you will be gentle I’m not concerned in the slightest,” he explains indifferently.

“Beg for it then,” I tease biting my lip. Knowing his personality he was going to be the definition of dominant once he’s back in fit condition. I might as well enjoy the dominance why I can when he’s recovering from three stab wounds, a blow to the head, and arm from yours truly. He raises a brow and I push back his hair so that I could see his forehead and eyebrows, which oddly did something to me.

He slips his index and middle finger into the elastic of my Ryan Bear shorts with a loud snap and gave me a simple command, “Off.” Maybe I was wrong, even in his state he was dominant. Then again what should I expect from mafia leader Jaebum? I obediently take off the shorts, leaving not much difference considering how short the shorts were to begin with. Jaebum smirks reaching out his hand to cup the back of my head, lowering my face to his. He tugs at my bottom between his teeth as his hand slides from the back of my head, down my spine, before slipping into my panties to grab a handful of my ass in his large calloused palm. I whimper as his finger slides up between the crack to rake his fingers under my pajama top, “Off.”

I nervously unbutton the front allowing the fabric to open to only slightly reveal the front sliver of my body. He hums motioning his finger in a come hither motion. I snuffle on my knees closer to him. Jaebum grips my right thigh to bring it over to his other side so that I was straddling him. Even though I was above him I still felt small as he beckons for me to travel higher up on his body. My heat was rested carefully on his stomach as one of his hands held tightly on mine while his other one tugged the collar of my shirt down slipping the thin material from my shoulders. The fabric sat on my elbows and I fell shy as he swallows in my naked form before him. His hand runs up from the hem of my underwear up my waist and ribs until it settles cupping one of my breast. I shyly bite my lip looking into his lust filled orbs. He softly squeezes causing a soft mewl to life my lips, he smirks satisfied before tweaking the sensitive bud between his index and thumb.

“Come, bring that into my mouth,” he says without a hiccup.

“I…I…” I stutter and he slyly smirks, “Did I stutter?”

I shake my head placing both hands on his shoulder as I arch my back so that my breasts press against his nose. He slips out a tongue and swirls it around the sensitive bud before suckling it into his hot mouth. I let out a soft whine as his lips suctioned on my breast. I slid my hands from his shoulders up to his soft onyx locks as his tongue flicks side to side with my nipple still in his mouth. I call out his name and he pulls away with a pop, he looks up at me between my breasts and smiles, “It’s okay, trust me?” it was the exact same words I said to him yesterday. I nod shyly, “Of course.”

Without missing a beat his lips were latched onto my other nipple. His hand palmed and pinched at my other breast slicked with his salvia keeping it occupied making sure it didn’t feel neglected as he gave attention to the other. I whimper as he harshly sucks on the sensitive bud with his tongue darting at the underside. I watch as Jaebum pulls away with closed eyes as he kitten licks at the bud flicking it up and down.

My breath becomes heavier with each heated touch he brought upon my body. It was embarrassing knowing that he felt my heat getting warmer against his sculpted stomach. He knew full well how his actions are getting me worked up beyond recognition. He pulls away from my nipple as a line of salvia trailed from the tip to his lips. His long lashes flutter revealing the darkest hue of brown I’ve ever seen on him.

“Sit on my face.”

I splutter nervously but he only chuckles sending the vibrations from his chest to my core. He lifts my seated bottom from his stomach and guides me towards his face, only stopping once my clothed warmth hovered over his mouth. I clench the headboard to keep still making sure if my legs were to give out I wouldn’t crush Jaebum’s face. He teasingly blows cool air at my sensitive heat and I gasp jumping up slightly. But he wouldn’t let me get too far as his hands firmly grip on my hips and lowered me onto his mouth until I could feel his soft lips flush against my clit, the only thing between them is my thin pair of panties. I dig my nails into the headboard as I watch Jaebum close his eyes in complete bliss as his warm muscle twirls against my clothed bundle of nerves. He softly sucks on the nib causing my hips to grind into his face in desperate need of more friction. He doesn’t seem to mind the lack of oxygen as he continues to prod his tongue into the dampening cloth. Jaebum’s hand slithers up my waist so that he could cup one of my breasts in his large hand while his other hooked the annoying fabric of my panties to the side so that he could finally have direct contact with my pussy. His warm appendage trails up and down my entire slit before he pushes his muscle in. Soon he darts his tongue back and forth relentlessly causing my breaths to shallow out.

“Jaebum…” I whine. His eyes flutter open and up looks up at me with hazy eyes but never once slowing down his tongue. I slide my hands into his freshly washed hair and tugged on his tresses. He hums contently sending the vibrations straight through my throbbing core. “Jaebum,” I breathe again and he smirks sliding his tongue out to wrap around my clit and gave it a final suckle before pulling away.

His hands on my breast and hip pulls away to rest on my thighs, allowing me to slide away so that I could finally sit on his chest giving my knees a break. I silently trace my finger on the collar of his shirt and he quickly catches on. “You can take it off.”

I bashfully grin getting up from him carefully making sure I don’t accidently touch his healing wounds. Jaebum leans up with little difficultly as I help him discard of his uncharacteristically bright yellow t-shirt. Feeling a little bold I slip out of my soaked through panties and tossed it onto his face. Before he could register what I was up to I softly grab onto his clothed erection. A low groan fills the room and my core ached to be filled with him. I massage him gently through the fabric as he throws the panties I dropped on his face across the room. His hips rise to meet my hand for more friction so I comply by pulling down the elastic of the boxers down. Jaebum’s hard and thick cock slaps against his bare stomach and the sight caused my blush to deepen even more. His chuckle snaps me out of my staring contest with his leaking red tip. I look up at him as his finger gestures for me to come closer. I obediently follow and shuffling on my knees to his reclined form. His hand holds the back of my head and lowered it so that he could comfortably kiss me without straining to sit up. After a long moment I pull away holding his head up gently as I slip another pillow underneath his head.

“Is that better?” I ask brushing my thumb across his cheeks. He nods with a soft smile gesturing for me to come closer again. I lay on my stomach beside him his toned bicep curled around my waist holding me tightly against him. I kiss his pronounced jawline and he obediently angles his head giving me full access to his neck. I leave a trail of butterfly kisses along his thick vein before settling over his jugular. I flatten my tongue on his artery and I could feel his quickened pulse under my appendage. Deciding to tease him a little I bite and suck on his supple skin as I raise my leg until my knee came into contact with his erection. He softly whines and the muscles in his arm budges against my body holding me impossibly tight. I pull away with a string of saliva dripping onto his collarbone. I smile softly seeing the purple blossom I left on his smooth skin.

“Fuck…did you really just mark me?” He chuckles and I giggle giving his cheek a quick peck, “Come here…” he growls easily throwing my body into the position he desired. His lips latch onto my throat like a leech as he sucked relentlessly. I cry out in pain as he refused to stop, abusing the sensitive flesh behind my neck, below by jaw, throat, and collarbone. Basically anywhere his mouth could reach he left a trail of love bites. I mewl scratching his pectoral muscles in a lame attempt for him to go gentle. Jaebum smirks against the tingling skin and showered the sore spots with loving kisses when he finally deemed it was enough.

“I would usually kill whoever dared to mark my skin…but since it’s you I guess it’s okay,” he explains in all seriousness. I blink down at him, “Really?” I nervously laugh. Jaebum bites his lower lip contemplating his next few words.

“I…” he starts with a small smile looking anywhere but my eyes, “I think kissing is more intimate than sex. I never let anyone kiss me before.”

At his confession a goofy grin plasters across my face as I watch him become embarrassed and shy. Before he could try to defend himself of his strange tactics I capture his lips with mine.

“I’m scary mafia leader JB’s first kiss,” I snort causing him to roll his eyes.

“Yeah yeah, now go suck my dick.”

“Really?” I ask nervously.

He rolls his eyes with a small laugh, “No maybe next time, I’m just dying to be in you already.”

I bashfully smile and nod as he guides me over his standing erection. I place my hands over his abs while he positions his red tip slick with pre-cum at my entrance. He rubs the lubricated head against my slit teasingly causing my nails to dig into his sides, “Jaebum…” I whine impatiently and he chuckles but nonetheless presses his tip at my entrance until it slowly penetrates and fills up my wet hot cavern. I gasp at his impressive size stretching out my walls, “Jaebum,” I whine again and he laughs the little breaths sending vibrations from his cock to my cunt.

“Take off that stupid bear shirt,” Jaebum scoffs pulling at my shirt that was sitting on my elbows. I didn’t even realize I was still wearing my Ryan Bear pajamas I laugh allowing him to throw the material across the room. Jaebum gazes into my eyes hands still on my hips, he was waiting for me to adjust to his size until I gave him permission to move. I bite my lip nodding slowly ushering for him to start. Jaebum pulls his lips into a tight line and grinds his hip gently into mine. I could physically see and feel him holding back for my sake. He was probably used to rough sex with his flings where he pounded himself into the girl’s pussy until she forgot her name and how to walk the next day, but here he was softly rocking his hips against mine as if I was the most fragile and precious thing he ever held in his hands. I enjoyed the slow and torturous pace that caused his forehead to bead with sweat but I also wanted him fast and hard. I lift myself up on my knees before dropping back down on him. Jaebum takes a sharp intake of breath as his hips began to connect with mine at a faster rhythm. He hisses under this breath, “Fuck, you’re so tight.”

I clench my walls around him forcing his eyes to roll shut to focus on his strong deep thrusts. I rake my fingers carefully over his red irritated swollen skin, wary of the rough stitches beneath my fingertips. With the pillows resting behind his head it allowed him a good view of me riding him. I would’ve been embarrassed having someone watch me in such a vulnerable position but the complete admiration in his lidded eyes just fuelled me with even more confidence. I pick up the pace as he slams his pelvis up to meet mine. Loud skin snapping noises fill the room probably loud enough for the neighbours to hear. It only got louder once Jaebum groans rolling himself over to switch positions with me. With me on my back I look up at him worriedly, I wanted to ask him if he was okay to top in his condition but the only thing that managed to leave my lips was a loud moan as he slams into me at the new angle and at a alarming rate. I gasp for air as his hands came to gently wrap and apply pressure on my trachea. I scratch at his back leaving angry red trails but he didn’t seem to mind very much.

The headboard hits the wall with a continuous thud as he slams relentlessly into my core. I whine breathlessly, “I’m close…”

Jaebum scoops me up with his uninjured arm and held me flush against his chest. I wrap my arms and legs around him as he thrusts at an inhuman pace. He captures my lips with his as he swallows up the incoherent splutters flying out from my parted lips. I convulse around his twitching cock and he slips his thumb over my sensitive clit and rubs at the bud until it became swollen from over stimulation while I cry against his shoulder.

“Jaebum!” I cry as the coil in my stomach unravelled. Jaebum grunts out my name slamming desperately with uneven thrusts until his hot seed exploded within me. I whine feeling the hot cum drip down my inner thighs and onto the bedding. Small whimpers left my parted lips as he softly grunts thrusting a few more times to ride out his orgasm. He rolls back and resumes his lying position with me still in his arms. Jaebum didn’t bother to pull out as I feel him starting to soften within me. I rest my head against his chest and he kisses the crown of my head. His calloused fingers soothingly traces patterns into my hot sweaty skin as I pant against his neck. I watch his chest rise and fall in satisfaction before my eyes trailed lower to where both our bodies met. My fingers gently caress his deeper wound where fresh blood started to bubble again at the seams.

“Ah…Jaebum…” I frown at the sight. I could feel him lift his head slightly to see what I was upset over and he just softly chuckles.

“That’s nothing (Y/N).”

“You’re bleeding again,” I groan hugging him tightly.

“It was worth it,” he hums contently closing his eyes. I roll my eyes snuggling into his large warm body. I hum blissfully curling into his side. Just as I was about doze off there was a knock on my door. I groan lifting my head to look at Jaebum.

“Jaebum…” I whine kissing his jaw. He groans turning his head away trying to ignore me.

“It’s your apartment (Y/N),” he sighs rubbing at his closed eyes with the palm of his hand.

I whine childishly butting his cheek with the top of my head. Another knock was heard at the door, “Jaebum!” I whine again and he dramatically groans louder.

Jaebum finally pulls out his member now completely limp. I moan feeling the last few drops of his fluid dribble out. He cups my cheek and plants a chaste kiss on my lips, “You’re lucky that I love you,” he says getting up from the bed in search for his pair of discarded boxers. Without a care he doesn’t bother to find the hilarious oppai shirt and decided to answer the door topless. I giggle contently closing my eyes and snuggling into the warm spot he created earlier.

I hear the door creak open.

And all hell breaks loose.

“What the fuck?!” Two voices boom across the small apartment causing all the confinements to tremor. I sit up in a haste and blink trying to register who the other voice belonged to. Once realization hit me I knew I was fucked. In a haste I threw on my pajama top and ran to the door without any pants.

I flew across the living room to be met with Jaebum and Namjoon at each other’s throats. The two males were throwing punches left and right while I screamed for them to stop. But they ignored me as they continued to yell at each other’s faces.

“Why are you here?”

“I should be asking you that!”

“Stay away from (Y/N)!” They both growl like wild animals.

“You fucking stabbed me!” Jaebum yells attempting to uppercut Namjoon in the jaw.

“I thought I fucking stabbed you to death too!” Namjoon yells back with just as much fire.

At that I took a moment to blink.

Wait.

What?

“That’s enough!” I scream on the top of my lungs finally ceasing movements from both males.

“(Y/N), he’s dangerous,” Jaebum warns trying to pull me back but I swat his hand away.

I hug onto Jaebum and pull him behind me and I look up into Namjoon’s eyes.

“You stabbed my boyfriend? What the fuck oppa!” I cry throwing my fists at the taller male.

Namjoon takes a deep intake of air and pushes his dyed blonde hair back and contorts his face into the scariest scowl I’ve ever seen in all my years of knowing him, but it wasn’t directed to me.

“Oppa?”

“Boyfriend?”

I blink up at Jaebum who held Namjoon’s glare. My throat suddenly felt dry.

“Jaebum, that’s my brother.”

At that moment I realized that Jaebum might not be the only gang leader I know.