#calm the fuck down brain
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Every bit of me wants to do things that I know will just get me in trouble.
#personal#why#why do i want to do these things#i just want to have a conversation#and also wonder why my social media#is the way it is#and why i still be thinking#and wanting things#and also just like#calm the fuck down brain
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More than the anticipation and the anxiety of knowing you are existing in this general space somewhere, it's the frustration that every single one of everyone else is decidedly *not you* that gets me. The tiny part of my brain obsessing over knowledge and just HAS to know is infinitely irritated and quite frankly annoying. The Need to know is drowning out the part that initially thought, oh this is fun, I wonder where you are and am I going to recognise you when you show up.
I know at some point this impatience will go away, but can we at least get back to just allowing ourself to chill in this dump and not have to obsessively scour every guest to see if they are you? Coz I'm tired of getting disappointed looking at everyone under their masks and realise no, this is not the embodiment of beauty I am looking for. This is not them. THEY are beauty incarnate, not this second rate trying hard copycat. Rid this filth from my vision for I wish my eyes to not get sullied.
Please, if they show up, they will, and there's that. Obsess over them all you want but can we have peace for now. Alternatively, there's the route taken long time ago-- scouring the interwebs with a fine tooth comb just to catch a glimpse of them, with the repercussions of finding things that ought to be hidden. And that takes so much time and effort. I know, I know, they're worth all that, but isn't it so much more fun to just Wait and See?
Fucking somebody sedate me.
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#tsom#whistlecone#the sound of music#captain von trapp#georg von trapp#maria von trapp#georg x maria#captain and the governess#pinecone/whistle#my art#please don't repost#chewing on them like squeaky toys#listen. i have a problem#and my problem is christopher plummer and julie andrews#spinning them like rotisserie chickens in my brain#i am going mental#what am i gonna do oh my god#they need to fucking stop#“you don't look like a captain” “you don't look like a nun” hmmmm okay can we calm down#what if i drew them kissing what then
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One of the things I've realized is most of the reviewers of The Acolyte are...incredibly childish.
I've seen people complain about not understanding why Qimir's armor was shorting out the lightsabers.
They tell you about it in the next episode.
People complained about Sol not realizing it's Mae...and they explain why...in the next episode.
Take a minute...breathe...and maybe shut the hell up before you start tearing into an unfinished story.
#nuance is dead and instant gratification is apparently in for people who lack the brain capacity to fucking wait a second#the acolyte#the acolyte spoilers#I'm coming into this late#and watching episodes 1-6 together felt like watching a movie#i can see how the pacing might throw people off given that vibe#but...it's been 7 episodes and it's clear they do answer most things#if people would literally just calm down ffs
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bsd fandom has always mischaracterised kunikida to hell and back but the fact that i am seeing SO MUCH hate for his character right after his 'death' is insane
#'kunikida is a boring character' 'dazai doesnt even like kunikida' 'kunikida has never suffered through trauma' DO U HEAR YOURSELF...#on one hand yeah studio bones butchering ln1 so bad will always be a main source of the misinterpretations#but EVEN THENNN you dont HAVE to read ln1 to get it. you just need to use your brain!!!!!#i dont care if you dislike kunikida or dislike knkdz or whatever. you can have your own opinion#but dont make up bullshit reasons for why you dont like them??????#and also ship wars are so stupid if i see ONE MORE POST comparing skk and knkdz's partnerships#which while have some good parallels#are ultimately not the same#then i will FIND YOU#skk and knkdz involve dazai in two very different stages of his life and you cant compare them#'oh this is healthier. oh this is more interesting. oh this partnership carries more weight. oh--' SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR FIVE SECONDS#LET PEOPLE LIVEEEEE#sorry for being petty but ive gone seven years without a knkdz manga interaction and so many skk shippers still wanna whine about how their#ship is better or whatever. like you already own so much content. so much of the fandom is skk tunnel visioned#why are you threatened by other shippers just having fun. calm the fuck DOWN#and also STOP PUTTING YOUR BASELESS HATE IN THE KNKDZ TAG I DONT WANNA SEE ITTTT#tag it as anti or whatever but dont shove your hate into the ship tag lol thats just basic etiquette#ok sorry im done now goodbye#this went from being annoyed at bad knkd takes to stupid knkdz hate but. those always seem to come together#smiles through the pain#bsd spoilers#sorry forgor to tag that
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Having to remind myself constantly that being able to balance bith a job and college at the same time is actually a pretty impressive feat for people like me (disabled both physically and mentally). And that I shouldn't push myself to be perfect all the time because the fact that I'm here at all is impressive
#we stay positive we stay positive we stay positive (pealse fuck im trying so hard)#anyway ive been struggling recently with school and work#and i need to like .... calm down or something#i also need sleep but my brain said no#its to the point where i question if its stress caused or just my own reluctance#its probably both#crunchy rants#my tags are more a rant than my actual post but whatev#this is a message to all those with disabilities: im proud of you for making it this far
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the picnic table scene
#this isnt going to make sense to literally any of you for a long time and im sorry about that#but FUCK was i writing this morning#man. man man man man Man the motivation Hit#this fic might get done after all...#i need. to go sleep. OUASGAHSAKJSNCADCLSKDVMS;#THEY MAKE ME INSANE THEY MAKE ME INSANE#YALL ALREADY KNOW WHO IM TALKING ABOUT#THEY MAKE ME CRAZY AGH AGH AGH#ok. ok. ill sleep. and we'll see if the scene holds up when my brain is Refreshed#absolutely unprompted#throwing myself to the ground and howling#who do i need to BITE#oh 7 am me we're really in it now#literally getting myself too worked up. im. Emotional. i almost feel like tearing up#if that was something i could do lmao#fortunately crying does not come easily to me but in my heart im like. idk. Sobbing#anyway in order to calm down im gonna go think about something that makes me equally insane#which is the OG reason i designed a butterfly look for howdy. yass!howdy's origins <3#slamming my face through drywall ok bye im off to crazyville where i can catch a layover to sleepytown
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The fall of the House of Usher (2023) / Hannibal (2013-2015) / Delusions Shared by Two by Bea Almeida
#Watched House of Usher tonight and boy oh boy did it light up my brain like a bonfire#it's def rewiring me as we speak#I kept having to pause and pace to calm down#this will be all I think of for a while mark my words#srry for the shitty quality I took most of these in real time except one lmao#the family dynamics!!!! it all boils back to the family dynamics#fucks me upppp#You love your family youll do anything for them#you die by their hand#this is fate there is no changing it#you were doomed from the beginning#tfothou spoilers#abigail hobbs#web weaving#OT#roderick usher#the fall of the house of usher#the fall of the house of usher spoilers#tfothou#hannibal#nbc hannibal
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LEIF IF YOU DO MAKE THE KLAPOLLO PLUSHIES WILL YOU PUT LITTLE MAGNETS IN THEIR HANDS??
Of course I will who do you take me for
#I know my brain is in like over ambitious planning mode bc I’m already making plans to make a bunch of different characters#and then possibly sending them to friends#girl calm down we haven’t even made one yet#the thing I struggle most w humanoid plushies is hair#it always turns out fucked up and weird#anon#asks#this ask was too silly for me not to answer it and I’m in plushie brain mode rn so why not
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agent florida/mark temple crackship, call that a flemple
#red vs blue#rvb#i dunno what brought this upon my brain#i think they'd have the energy of that one post thats like#i couldn't fix him but i could fuck him. maybe that'll calm him down#i dunno
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If anyone remembers all the dental work I needed done uhhhhhhh three years ago and never went back and ran away forever…I’m finally going back to a dentist on Thursday to restart the process and face my deep and utter abiding terror. And I also scheduled my COVID and flu vaccines for a couple hours later. And my psych appointment to restart meds.
I figured get it all done in one day, have my miserable immune reaction on Friday that I seem to always get with Moderna COVID shots, and then flee directly into the weekend and never be a person again except when I’m on and off crying. It’s going to be so kind to future me to get these things done and I can do it no matter how much I feel like I am constantly about to Actually Physically Die.
#you can see why I’m restarting meds#my brain is constantly convincing me that my teeth are about to actually finish rotting out of my mouth and I probably have an abscess#already that is going to give me a jaw or heart infection#which is VERY unlikely#and that my dog is deeply sick and I should rehome her and give her to someone who’ll take proper care of her and isn’t me#yadda yadda#it’s been fucking miserable#the only good part is 1) I’m going to get the worst part over with (starting the process) and#2) even if I completely flee and refuse to go back I’ll have one dental cleaning at least helping with plaque buildup and stuff#this is so fucking EMBARRASSING it’s all so EMBARASSING#it shouldn’t be this hard for me and I know it’s irrational#I’m just so scared because it’s so triggering for me for NO REASON and#I KNOW that this time when we get to the multiple fillings and at least one root canal and also my impacted wisdom teeth that it’ll be#different and I won’t go un-numb or if I do again they’ll have better checks in place for when I panic lie to their faces#but it doesn’t help#and I’m so sure they’re gonna tell me I need three or more root canals because I’ve waited way way too long#and I STILL can’t consistently keep up with brushing and flossing#which is the most embarassing and shameful thing in the world and I KNOW#but I’m scared shitless of all of it and it’s all a sensory nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway I’m not going to be okay later this week and I’m not particularly okay now#so if I’m not around online much#that’s why#but I’m happy news Aoife and I are having some lovely walks this week and she’s very cute and snuggly and we played tug a lot of times yest#*yesterday and she also stayed sniffing a bush while a bike went past two feet away#instead of getting startled and needing to hop or bark at it and then calm down#I’m so proud of her#and I wouldn’t be able to do this at all without my very kind partner who spearheaded scheduling the dentist (and researching places)#after my jaw pain nervous breakdown last week#health#personal
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2023 Belgian Grand Prix - Sprint - Fernando Alonso
#he is beating the 'pissy in interview' allegations#yes he was pissy earlier but valid#when i wished him a happy birthday like 14 hrs ago this is not what i envisioned for today hahaha#well lets hope for better tmr!#i hate tho how quick people are to accuse him of getting toxic w the team#the team messed up earlier thats a fact hes valid for being annoyed that doesnt mean hes gonna go full war criminal calm tf down!#fernando alonso#f1#formula 1#fa14#we do a little bit of f1#2023 belgian gp#2023 belgian grand prix#anyways its been a long upsetting something of a day#sleeping btwn events fucks up my brain so much i cant believe its only been like 6 or so hours#i should go back to bed!
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Someday I will introduce my oc for WWDITS, because I just need to babble about my witchy sassy woman having fallen for the himboest vampire ever to vamp.
Someday.
#Listen#he is a fucking idiot (imagine lazslo saying that)#and he is an asshole#but dear gods Nandor changed my brain chemistry in ways I cannot explain#Kayvan Novak does thing to my brain fml#so one day#once the hyperfixation that I am going through calms down
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guys how do u outline a multichapter fic 😭
#how do u decide what happens when?#this should probably be simpler when my brain calms down but it’s hard to write when my brain is calm about stuff#the curse of autism/adhd/whatever i have my assessment isn’t for another year#writing#ao3#ryan shut the fuck up
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hold on dont have it in me to scribble rn but i have updated Thoughts on Laughingstock. the update has affected my feelings on them
and those feelings are:
I LOVE THEM EVEN MORE NOW, WHAT THE FUCK??? THEY'RE??? AGH????
i am so glad i accurately pinned down their dynamic in my brain because OHHHH MY GOD HEARING IT OUT LOUD. AUGH. MINECRAFT DAMAGE NOISES
I KNEW THEY'D GO TOGETHER SO WELL! i mean! holy shit! they just! fucking! Work!
Howdy keeps Barnaby updated on family gossip! Barnaby knows the drama & members well enough to accurately call out "Wooly Aunt Molly'! Howdy tells Barnaby he has to bring his mom around for a drink!!! their shared love/style of humor! their shared laughs! The snappy, easy, familiar fluidity of their conversations! "I know I can always talk to you, Barn."
MY FUCKING GOD! THESE BITCHES GAY! GOOD FOR THEM! GOOD FOR THEM! i am laying face down in a ditch taking damage. my health bar does not deplete
#wailing sobbing screaming tearing into couch cushions with my teeth and eating the stuffing#they make my heart go WEH#wally in 12-14: really? right in front of my drink?#GODDDDDDDD AGH AGH AGH BARKING!!!!!! LOSING MY MIND!!!#thank fuck for a second i was starting to calm down about them#the train is back on the rails and hurtling full speed towards a cliff yeeHAWWWWW#i cant wait for my art motivation/ability to come back so i can DRAW THEM#I NEED TO DRAW THEM#BRAIN LET ME DRAW THEM#THE SCRIBBLES!!! I NEED TO FEED MY PEOPLE THEY ARE STARVING!!!#laughingstock#absolutely unprompted#barnaby watching his husband sell soap as food: man of my dreams <3<3<3<3#howdy listening to barnaby make the same bad puns ten times in a row: man of my dreams <3<3<3<3
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the worst part about the prof crush is like. I love the things I hate about him. like, a year ago, I would’ve been like “oughhh no way I’m taking his mental illness in literature classsssss he’s gonna have stupid opinions” and now I’m like. god i hope he says something bigoted towards the mental illnesses I am diagnosed with so I can get into it w him. WHAT!!!!
#I have mentioned this before but my brain is so fucked and it’s a genuine pattern that I get angry at someone and as soon as i calm down I#develop a crush on them. LIKE WOW. BROTHER YOURE FUCKED. YOURE FUCKED IN THE HEAD#lee speaks#prof posting
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