#calm the fuck down brain
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Every bit of me wants to do things that I know will just get me in trouble.
#personal#why#why do i want to do these things#i just want to have a conversation#and also wonder why my social media#is the way it is#and why i still be thinking#and wanting things#and also just like#calm the fuck down brain
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More than the anticipation and the anxiety of knowing you are existing in this general space somewhere, it's the frustration that every single one of everyone else is decidedly *not you* that gets me. The tiny part of my brain obsessing over knowledge and just HAS to know is infinitely irritated and quite frankly annoying. The Need to know is drowning out the part that initially thought, oh this is fun, I wonder where you are and am I going to recognise you when you show up.
I know at some point this impatience will go away, but can we at least get back to just allowing ourself to chill in this dump and not have to obsessively scour every guest to see if they are you? Coz I'm tired of getting disappointed looking at everyone under their masks and realise no, this is not the embodiment of beauty I am looking for. This is not them. THEY are beauty incarnate, not this second rate trying hard copycat. Rid this filth from my vision for I wish my eyes to not get sullied.
Please, if they show up, they will, and there's that. Obsess over them all you want but can we have peace for now. Alternatively, there's the route taken long time ago-- scouring the interwebs with a fine tooth comb just to catch a glimpse of them, with the repercussions of finding things that ought to be hidden. And that takes so much time and effort. I know, I know, they're worth all that, but isn't it so much more fun to just Wait and See?
Fucking somebody sedate me.
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#tsom#whistlecone#the sound of music#captain von trapp#georg von trapp#maria von trapp#georg x maria#captain and the governess#pinecone/whistle#my art#please don't repost#chewing on them like squeaky toys#listen. i have a problem#and my problem is christopher plummer and julie andrews#spinning them like rotisserie chickens in my brain#i am going mental#what am i gonna do oh my god#they need to fucking stop#“you don't look like a captain” “you don't look like a nun” hmmmm okay can we calm down#what if i drew them kissing what then
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One of the things I've realized is most of the reviewers of The Acolyte are...incredibly childish.
I've seen people complain about not understanding why Qimir's armor was shorting out the lightsabers.
They tell you about it in the next episode.
People complained about Sol not realizing it's Mae...and they explain why...in the next episode.
Take a minute...breathe...and maybe shut the hell up before you start tearing into an unfinished story.
#nuance is dead and instant gratification is apparently in for people who lack the brain capacity to fucking wait a second#the acolyte#the acolyte spoilers#I'm coming into this late#and watching episodes 1-6 together felt like watching a movie#i can see how the pacing might throw people off given that vibe#but...it's been 7 episodes and it's clear they do answer most things#if people would literally just calm down ffs
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#he wants that cookie so effing bad
bonus:
#dragon age the veilguard#dragon age veilguard#veilguard spoilers#da4 spoilers#dragon age#emmrook#emmrich x rook#rookrich#emmrich volkarin#dragon age veilguard spoilers#datv#dragon age gifs#dragon age edit#my gifs#THE WAY THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER. IM SCRATCHING AT THE WALLS#'he want that cookie so effing bad' has become part of my daily vocabulary like i can't stop saying it#my roommate can attest to this <3#bless whoever animated all these Looks that rook and emmrich give each other#especially that first one???? good LORD they are so down bad for each other it's crazy#also i lose my SHIT every time i watch the scene where emmrich fucking climbs back into the coffin so they can fuck nasty again#like DAMN calm down peepaw rook's not going anywhere#truly ridiculous how much emmrook occupies my brain space
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bsd fandom has always mischaracterised kunikida to hell and back but the fact that i am seeing SO MUCH hate for his character right after his 'death' is insane
#'kunikida is a boring character' 'dazai doesnt even like kunikida' 'kunikida has never suffered through trauma' DO U HEAR YOURSELF...#on one hand yeah studio bones butchering ln1 so bad will always be a main source of the misinterpretations#but EVEN THENNN you dont HAVE to read ln1 to get it. you just need to use your brain!!!!!#i dont care if you dislike kunikida or dislike knkdz or whatever. you can have your own opinion#but dont make up bullshit reasons for why you dont like them??????#and also ship wars are so stupid if i see ONE MORE POST comparing skk and knkdz's partnerships#which while have some good parallels#are ultimately not the same#then i will FIND YOU#skk and knkdz involve dazai in two very different stages of his life and you cant compare them#'oh this is healthier. oh this is more interesting. oh this partnership carries more weight. oh--' SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR FIVE SECONDS#LET PEOPLE LIVEEEEE#sorry for being petty but ive gone seven years without a knkdz manga interaction and so many skk shippers still wanna whine about how their#ship is better or whatever. like you already own so much content. so much of the fandom is skk tunnel visioned#why are you threatened by other shippers just having fun. calm the fuck DOWN#and also STOP PUTTING YOUR BASELESS HATE IN THE KNKDZ TAG I DONT WANNA SEE ITTTT#tag it as anti or whatever but dont shove your hate into the ship tag lol thats just basic etiquette#ok sorry im done now goodbye#this went from being annoyed at bad knkd takes to stupid knkdz hate but. those always seem to come together#smiles through the pain#bsd spoilers#sorry forgor to tag that
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ᴍɪᴋᴇʟᴀɴɢᴇʟᴏ ʟᴏᴄᴏɴᴛᴇ 🌟 'ᴛᴀᴛᴏᴜᴇ-ᴍᴏɪ' ᴍᴀᴋɪɴɢ-ᴏꜰ [ᴍᴏᴢᴀʀᴛ ʟ'ᴏᴘᴇʀᴀ ʀᴏᴄᴋ]
#mozart l'opera rock#mozart l'opéra rock#mor#mlor#wolfgang amadeus mozart#mikelangelo loconte#tatoue-moi#tatoue-moi making-of#i love how mikele rubs his chest#this gif goes straight into my autistic brain and calms me down#also the last one#this fucking smile...#gif#erdenstuff
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Having to remind myself constantly that being able to balance bith a job and college at the same time is actually a pretty impressive feat for people like me (disabled both physically and mentally). And that I shouldn't push myself to be perfect all the time because the fact that I'm here at all is impressive
#we stay positive we stay positive we stay positive (pealse fuck im trying so hard)#anyway ive been struggling recently with school and work#and i need to like .... calm down or something#i also need sleep but my brain said no#its to the point where i question if its stress caused or just my own reluctance#its probably both#crunchy rants#my tags are more a rant than my actual post but whatev#this is a message to all those with disabilities: im proud of you for making it this far
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the picnic table scene
#this isnt going to make sense to literally any of you for a long time and im sorry about that#but FUCK was i writing this morning#man. man man man man Man the motivation Hit#this fic might get done after all...#i need. to go sleep. OUASGAHSAKJSNCADCLSKDVMS;#THEY MAKE ME INSANE THEY MAKE ME INSANE#YALL ALREADY KNOW WHO IM TALKING ABOUT#THEY MAKE ME CRAZY AGH AGH AGH#ok. ok. ill sleep. and we'll see if the scene holds up when my brain is Refreshed#absolutely unprompted#throwing myself to the ground and howling#who do i need to BITE#oh 7 am me we're really in it now#literally getting myself too worked up. im. Emotional. i almost feel like tearing up#if that was something i could do lmao#fortunately crying does not come easily to me but in my heart im like. idk. Sobbing#anyway in order to calm down im gonna go think about something that makes me equally insane#which is the OG reason i designed a butterfly look for howdy. yass!howdy's origins <3#slamming my face through drywall ok bye im off to crazyville where i can catch a layover to sleepytown
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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had another anxiety nightmare. thank god i have two days off.
#i was at work but not my store and i tried to head home. i kept getting either stopped by stuff outside or got turned around and losy#i wound up back at work but was trapped by a crowd of trump supporters with protest signs or something#and then i tried leaving the building another way and made it to a basement. it housed a paramilitary base and they shoot on sight.#so i made my way higher up to like an attic and there was a *separate* paramilitary group and the two groups ended up fighting#i escaped but it was dark out and i tried finding home again#this time i kept winding up in weird shopping centers while trying to use a nearby building irl to my home as a waypoint#but no matter what i couldn't find it and then i woke up#there was also a point where i wound up at a metro station and another point where my dad was somewhere trying to help#i also saw someone with a miniature pony and i tried calling my mom on a tamagotchi#my brain is fucking weird and i wish it would calm the fuck down
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The fall of the House of Usher (2023) / Hannibal (2013-2015) / Delusions Shared by Two by Bea Almeida
#Watched House of Usher tonight and boy oh boy did it light up my brain like a bonfire#it's def rewiring me as we speak#I kept having to pause and pace to calm down#this will be all I think of for a while mark my words#srry for the shitty quality I took most of these in real time except one lmao#the family dynamics!!!! it all boils back to the family dynamics#fucks me upppp#You love your family youll do anything for them#you die by their hand#this is fate there is no changing it#you were doomed from the beginning#tfothou spoilers#abigail hobbs#web weaving#OT#roderick usher#the fall of the house of usher#the fall of the house of usher spoilers#tfothou#hannibal#nbc hannibal
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LEIF IF YOU DO MAKE THE KLAPOLLO PLUSHIES WILL YOU PUT LITTLE MAGNETS IN THEIR HANDS??
Of course I will who do you take me for
#I know my brain is in like over ambitious planning mode bc I’m already making plans to make a bunch of different characters#and then possibly sending them to friends#girl calm down we haven’t even made one yet#the thing I struggle most w humanoid plushies is hair#it always turns out fucked up and weird#anon#asks#this ask was too silly for me not to answer it and I’m in plushie brain mode rn so why not
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agent florida/mark temple crackship, call that a flemple
#red vs blue#rvb#i dunno what brought this upon my brain#i think they'd have the energy of that one post thats like#i couldn't fix him but i could fuck him. maybe that'll calm him down#i dunno
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If anyone remembers all the dental work I needed done uhhhhhhh three years ago and never went back and ran away forever…I’m finally going back to a dentist on Thursday to restart the process and face my deep and utter abiding terror. And I also scheduled my COVID and flu vaccines for a couple hours later. And my psych appointment to restart meds.
I figured get it all done in one day, have my miserable immune reaction on Friday that I seem to always get with Moderna COVID shots, and then flee directly into the weekend and never be a person again except when I’m on and off crying. It’s going to be so kind to future me to get these things done and I can do it no matter how much I feel like I am constantly about to Actually Physically Die.
#you can see why I’m restarting meds#my brain is constantly convincing me that my teeth are about to actually finish rotting out of my mouth and I probably have an abscess#already that is going to give me a jaw or heart infection#which is VERY unlikely#and that my dog is deeply sick and I should rehome her and give her to someone who’ll take proper care of her and isn’t me#yadda yadda#it’s been fucking miserable#the only good part is 1) I’m going to get the worst part over with (starting the process) and#2) even if I completely flee and refuse to go back I’ll have one dental cleaning at least helping with plaque buildup and stuff#this is so fucking EMBARRASSING it’s all so EMBARASSING#it shouldn’t be this hard for me and I know it’s irrational#I’m just so scared because it’s so triggering for me for NO REASON and#I KNOW that this time when we get to the multiple fillings and at least one root canal and also my impacted wisdom teeth that it’ll be#different and I won’t go un-numb or if I do again they’ll have better checks in place for when I panic lie to their faces#but it doesn’t help#and I’m so sure they’re gonna tell me I need three or more root canals because I’ve waited way way too long#and I STILL can’t consistently keep up with brushing and flossing#which is the most embarassing and shameful thing in the world and I KNOW#but I’m scared shitless of all of it and it’s all a sensory nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway I’m not going to be okay later this week and I’m not particularly okay now#so if I’m not around online much#that’s why#but I’m happy news Aoife and I are having some lovely walks this week and she’s very cute and snuggly and we played tug a lot of times yest#*yesterday and she also stayed sniffing a bush while a bike went past two feet away#instead of getting startled and needing to hop or bark at it and then calm down#I’m so proud of her#and I wouldn’t be able to do this at all without my very kind partner who spearheaded scheduling the dentist (and researching places)#after my jaw pain nervous breakdown last week#health#personal
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imagine turning on the 666 NEWS
reading the breaking news headline: BUSINESS BUILDING IN IMP CITY IS DEMOLISHED
#𐂃「���ᴜᴛ ᴏꜰ ʙᴜʟʟᴇᴛꜱ」 ＆＆. * 𝐨𝐨𝐜.#( IT'S NEXT WEEKEND#ONLY A FEW MORE DAYS#AND MY BRAIN IS RUNNING A HUNDRED MPH#PLS FOR FUCK'S SAKE DON'T TAKE AWAY I.M.P#;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;#anywhore i'll stop hyperventilating#i need to calm down#i'll be back later tonight hdkgjsk )
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