#calling this a joke feels like spitting on comedy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

artificialqueens · 1 year

Text

🏳️‍🌈 WeHo Trans Nights: Chapter 2 (Bianca Del Rio / BenDeLaCreme ; Multi) - Imafuckinglibra

A/N : Listen, this is once again just pure smut with a smiiiiidgen of plot. This mini series is just trans characters getting some good ol’ lovin from other trans characters and this week it’s the boys’ turn. Like last time the art for these guys will be up next queue pinky promise, k bye.

“Bet if we get you a drink, you’ll do it in one take,” Ben tried to lighten the mood with a reassuring hand on Roy’s shoulder.

They were in the small dressing room of their local comedy club, each preparing for their respective sets when the club promoter asked them to film a short reel for their next lineup.

The usual who, when and what they’d be doing song and dance. Ben had seen Roy film a million of these before, but this was his first hosting gig and he was already cracking under the pressure and presumably a severe case of imposter syndrome.

Unable to even pull himself together to film a simple video, let alone go out and face the crowd of drunk Wednesday night patrons after he bombed his opening few jokes.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Ben tried again, this time sitting closer, trying to genuinely comfort him. “C’mon tell Uncie Ben, what’s yacking your yums?”

“It’s yucking,” Roy corrected, finally cracking a hint of a smile. “Yucking your yums, and that’s not what that means.”

“Attaboy!” Ben patted his back. “See, you do have it in you to be helpful.”

“Oh fuck off!” Roy pushed him.

A gesture Ben knew to read as his own unique little way of saying he appreciated him.

Roy was one of those work friends that had just never quite crossed the border into ‘real friends.’ They ran in similar circles, and were friendly enough, but they never spent much time together outside of the club.

Still, having his cranky confidant was a comfort — that miserable face he always looked for as soon as he walked through the door of their usual club.

“Spit it out, why are you all,” Ben waved his hand in the air, “brooding?”

“Brooding? I- fuck you, I’m not brooding.”

“You’re always brooding,” he rolled his eyes. “But this isn’t your usual brooding, this is a new self-sabotaging brooding.”

“Why don’t you—“ Roy sighed, pursing his lips into a relenting frown. “Ugh…fine, I kind of did something…” he thought it over but gave up. “I don’t know.”

“Oh god,” Ben reached for his imaginary pearls, eyes wide in horror. “You finally killed Joslyn. I knew it, I knew you’d snap one day I just didn’t expect-”

“Would you quit it? I ditched Shane’s party to go have sex with Kylie, okay,” he admitted. “And hey! They’ll never be able to pin that Joslyn shit on me, I know how to hide a body.”

“Oh you’re right,” Ben stood up, pacing the room. “It’s horrible. It’s worse than I thought! Oh my god, Roy,” he stopped to look Roy in the eyes. “You had sex with a beautiful woman and now your life is over.”

“Will you shut the fuck up!” Roy hit his arm.

“Why are you pouting about hitting the jackpot?” Ben came to sit on the counter in front of him, waving his palms in the air.

Roy flashed a shit-eating grin, adding, “Multiple times.”

“Oh my god,” Ben dropped his hands to his sides. “Get out of my face before I forget I used to like you…How was it?” Ben suddenly asked. His curiosity had gotten the better of him.

“What?”

“How was it?” Ben shrugged again, his face felt a little darker red than normal, hoping to live vicariously through Roy’s escapades.

“It was…um…“

“Wow, you’re even speechless. That good?”

“Well, she-“ Roy’s voice broke into a laugh.

“What?” he interrupted him, “she came over and over and called you a god?”

“Not in so many words but…” Roy raised his eyebrows knowingly.

“Roy,” Ben sighed, digging the back of his knuckles into his eyes. “I hate you. I literally…hate you.”

“Wait, weren't you at the party?” Roy sat up straighter, his hands resting on Ben’s thighs.

He was, but he didn’t particularly feel like talking about it.

“What did Shane look like after we left? Was he pissed? It was right around when Trixie and Jinkx start—oh,” Roy flinched, pulling back and giving a sympathetic smile. “I forgot, sorry.”

“Oh it’s so fine,” Ben lied, the rise in his voice betrayed him. “But I don’t know, I just stayed till Jinkx showed up and then it got a little awkward.”

“Right,” Roy nodded, and Ben braced himself for the usual pity everyone showed when they talked about his decade long relationship ending.

“Don’t change the subject.”

“I’m not,” Roy’s pitch rose. “I just, I don’t want to talk about the whole deal with Shane or Kylie. It’s…” he frowned. “It’s complicated. I would rather just ‘brood’ and go find someone else to keep me warm for the night, I guess.”

Ben felt a little twinge of guilt tugging at him, suddenly unsure how to respond to this display of genuine human emotions from a man he thought was half robot.

“I get what you mean.” Ben reached out to pat his shoulder. “Since Jinkx and I broke up, I’ve tried reaching out to them just to talk it out, but it’s a weird feeling to have feelings for your friend…you feel me?”

“You are so annoying,” Roy rolled his eyes, grinning ear to ear.

“I know,” Ben nodded, happy to see Roy’s shoulders straighten out again.

“Be honest,” Roy sighed. “You’re not upset because you saw Jinkx at the party with someone new. It’s because that meant you couldn’t get laid, right?”

Leave it to Roy Haylock to be sympathetic in the most roundabout way possible.

“Can’t even try to deny it,” Ben shook his head, his lips pursed in disappointment. “Seriously, I’m so pent up I even winked at my toothbrush.”

“You’re kidding,”

“It vibrates.”

Roy’s head flopped backward, laughing louder than he’d heard him in a while.

“It’s bad, Roy. I’m desperate. Yesterday I went to a sex shop and the guy asked how he could help me, I said just give me anything that takes diesel.”

“You’re so stupid,” Roy wiped some tears from his eyes. “Ah…fuck.”

“We can’t all get the hot blondes, can we?”

“Oh please,” Roy huffed. “I’ve been just as dry as you since the party, so don’t try that shit.”

“You mean you’re not all exclusive now?” Ben decided to pry for his own self-satisfaction.

“You know I don’t do relationships, they’re just…not my thing,” Roy shrugged. “I like getting my yums yucked and that’s it.”

“But I thought-” Ben stopped to frown at the shitty joke Roy made. “I just thought, since you-”

“You can have sex without dating, Ben,” Roy interrupted with a dry tone. “You can even just have sex with friends if you don’t feel like looking around, it’s fine. Just don’t do it too often; apparently that leads to feelings.”

“Gross.”

“Horrible,” Roy smiled. “But you know I’m right.”

“I know it’s just, I’ve been with Jinkx since before I transitioned. I haven’t had to date in a decade and it feels a little uncomfortable explaining all this,” he gestured to himself, waving his hands over his body.

“Hm,” Roy nodded deep in thought. “Yeah, you are abhorrent to be around.”

“The phrase is terminally delightful, I’ll have you know.”

“I prefer you just terminal,” Roy smiled the same fake gotcha grin he gave to hecklers.

Ben wanted to throw back another zinger but his mind had gone blank. He quickly took another sip from his drink to avoid Roy seeing him stumble.

“Is that another reason why you sleep with friends?” A lightbulb went off over Ben’s head.

“Not exactly,” Roy drew his words out as if he was considering a good way to answer. “But it does help — IF they already know. Adore and I were friends, but she didn’t know the first time we had sex and that was a whole mess.”

“Uh-huh, yeah, right,” Ben shifted his weight from one foot to another, building the courage to ask. “So um-“ his voice cracked. “So what’re your plans after the show?”

“Nothing yet…” Roy’s dimples deepened into a knowing smile.

“I mean…we both know and we’re not particularly close friends so there’s no risk of it being weird and, you know, it might not be so bad having another option if your bed ever gets too cold.”

“Is that an invitation?” Roy stepped closer.

“Maybe.”

“Ben?”

Ben looked up, “Yeah?”

“I want to hear you say it first,” Roy smiled, leaning closer to him. “Are you asking to go to bed with me?”

“I could be?” Ben flinched, suddenly too embarrassed to say the words.

“That’s just maybe with more steps,” Roy grinned. “Yes or no baby.”

Ben’s eyes darted around nervously, finding it hard to keep eye contact or focus and his throat too dry to respond he grabbed Roy’s cheeks and pulled him in for a kiss.

“God yes,” he finally breathed.

“Wait,” Roy pulled away. “You mean you want to do this right now?”

“Is that a problem?”

“Not at all,” Roy leaned in, teasing him with another kiss. “You just didn’t seem like the type.”

“Maybe I’m broadening my horizons,” Ben moaned when Roy’s fingers ran through his hair, mentally rolling his eyes at himself. “Pretend you didn’t hear that.”

“Already?” Roy teased.

“Toothbrush.”

“Right, my bad.”

All tension left his body as Roy pressed him against the counter, his thigh between his legs pressing his packer against himself.

Roy’s hands traveled over his body, first caressing along his jaw till his lips replaced them, kissing his neck while his slender fingers whispered down his arms, leaving goosebumps in their trail.

“Is this okay?” Roy asked when his hands rounded Ben’s hips, giving his ass a firm squeeze through his jeans. Ben nodded. “Use your words, tell me what you want.”

“Can you keep going?” Ben asked, reaching for Roy’s wrist to bring his hand towards his zipper.

Roy smiled against him, licking a tender spot along his pulse point. “Then what?”

“Then, um-” Roy’s fingers slid down into Ben’s jeans, brushing against his dick. “Yeah, that.”

When Ben started wearing those foam packers built into his underwear at the start of his transition, he did it just because of general laziness, but now it gave Roy such easy access to his target that he couldn’t help but wonder if that was part of the design.

“Wait!”

“What?” Roy abruptly stopped what he was doing, watching him first with panic then relief as he reached over to lock the door next to them. “Smart.”

“I know,” Ben smiled, wiggling his hips closer to Roy, “But we have to be quick, I have to be on stage in 10 minutes.”

“No, you don’t,” Roy pulled his fingers out to give them a good sloppy lick, “Alyssa’s on, you have at least 30.”

“That would be so much funnier after you finger me,” Ben noted. Cringing at his own brash words.

“Oh is that what I’m doing?” Roy teased, pulling on Ben’s waistband so he could get a good view before he demanded, “ask nicely first.”

“Pretty please?” Ben felt like rolling his eyes, he wasn’t used to having to beg like this, but he kind of liked it.

Roy, still holding back his waistband so they could both watch, slid his wet fingers back between his thighs.

“Fuck!” Ben gasped at the relief, forgetting momentarily where they were.

Holding onto the countertop a little tighter for stability, Ben rolled his hips up, grinding his dick between Roy’s flat fingers.

“Oh, that’s so good.”

“Yeah?” Roy teased him a little longer, his whole hand sliding up and down Ben’s slit.

His middle fingertip just barely applied any pressure to his entrance but it was enough that Ben could feel the coil in his stomach turn.

Ben reached for his wrist again, guiding his hand back further till Roy got the message.

“Do you want one or two?” he asked.

“One,” Ben swallowed a whimper as Roy’s finger worked him open.

It felt amazing; the heel of Roy’s palm pressing firmly against him every time he’d curl back inside. All the while Roy watched him with intense focus, biting his lip.

“Faster,” Ben panted, his ass sliding lower off the counter to accommodate easier access for Roy. “But-but let me kiss you.”

Roy leaned in, pressing their bodies together, catching all his moans in his mouth just in time as he curled his finger inwards a little more forcefully, applying more of that intoxicating pressure.

He felt like exploding, like the only thing keeping him grounded was Roy, his lips against his, his flexing shoulder muscles that he clung onto. Even the digit he rode so thoroughly. The thrill of knowing they could be caught pushing him even further.

Roy gave one more deep push and without warning he burst, all his muscles clenching and releasing over and over. Desperate to hold onto the feeling a little longer he clung onto Roy tighter till he could compose himself.

He waited for Roy to pull out, but instead, he carefully continued his original pattern, just slower. Even the palm against his dick eased up on its pressure, essentially holding him in place till his legs felt stable again.

“That felt really good,” he spoke in his normal tone again. Feeling a bit embarrassed for his reaction. “Thank you.”

“I’m glad,” Roy smiled, pulling his hand back. “But I have to go wash up before my set. We can pick up after, if you want?”

“Really?”

“Of course,” Roy shrugged. “Didn’t think that’s all I’m leaving you with, did you? I have a reputation to uphold.”

“You’re not powered by diesel are you?” Ben laughed sheepishly, his face still glowing red.

“Nope,” Roy shook his head. “Last I checked just good ol’ Fireball.”

“Well then,” Ben jumped off the counter and zipped up his pants. “Let’s go get you some more!”

They were already making out as they entered the apartment, lazily exploring one another's bodies. Tender kisses while fingers spread through hair, down collars and shoulders even as they walked towards the couch. Only stopping when Roy’s calf hit the coffee table.

“Would-would you like something to drink?” Ben asked through their kiss. “Glass of water? A snack? Maybe an hors d’oeuvre?

“No thank you,” Roy smiled against his lips, dragging out another slow kiss. “But I really,” another kiss, “really I appreciate the hospitality.”

He could feel Ben relaxing into his touch, growing more comfortable in the way he was kissing him back, releasing that anxiety he held.

Roy went to work removing Ben’s shirt, unbuttoning the god-awful rainbow button-up he wore. He could feel Ben’s breathing change but when he reached the last button, he felt his whole posture tighten.

“Huh,” Roy stood back after letting the shirt drop to the floor. He reached for Ben’s chest, gingerly feeling around his collarbones and the top of his pecs; anything not covered by his undershirt. “Well, I’ll be damned.”

“What?”

“Nothing I just-” He shook his head. “I love a bitch who shaves their chest but not their pubes.”

“Oh. My. God.” Ben rolled his eyes, breaking into a relaxed laugh again. “Watch it,” he said, taking hold of Roy’s chin. “One of these days I’m getting you a muzzle.”

“You know you should wear just this more often,” Roy noted, paying no mind to Ben’s idle threats, tugging at the hem of his white tank top. “You look great in it.”

“You think so?” He blushed.

Roy didn’t answer; he let his actions speak for themselves, pulling Ben’s body against his own so their bulges pressed together, kissing along his stubbled jaw, his neck and down his clavicle.

As much as he wanted to use his teeth and mark Ben’s pale skin, he didn’t want to put too much on him too fast.

Till he pulled off Ben’s shirt and saw his exposed torso, instinctively he reached for his sides, pulling his chest closer to suck on the skin near the center of his sternum. His teeth grazed the soft flesh, nipping delicately when Ben coughed.

“Um, could you be a little more careful around,” he circled his chest, “there? It’s still a little…unpleasant.”

“Gotcha,” Roy skipped his chest, instead traveling lower to his belly, kissing below his belly button where Ben came alive.

It was like a switch was flipped; Ben’s hands on the back of his head gently nudging him lower till Roy got the message.

Roy helped him backwards to lay down on the corner sofa where he could more easily remove Ben’s jeans.

The little whimpered breaths escaping Ben’s lips every time Roy’s hands touched a new part of his exposed skin made him almost too irresistible.

He took his sweet time, making sure his nails raked up and down his legs whenever he’d remove another piece of clothing, especially his underwear.

Ben’s hips practically bucked up on their own when he finally settled between his thighs, his fingertips dancing around his hip bones, over his belly and his rapidly rising and falling chest.

Watching his body language intensely to gauge when he’d had enough.

“If this is payback for heckling you during your set that one time,“ Ben sighed, sitting up on his elbows so he could see what was taking so long.

“Not at all,” Roy shook his head, following Ben’s eyes down to where his fingertips were playing with his haphazardly trimmed pubes. He kept getting so close to his dick but never close enough, no matter how much Ben’s hips tried wiggling closer. “I just like taking my time so I know what feels good.”

“What if I just tell you what feels good?” Ben snarked, more annoyed this time.

“Where’s the fun in that?” Roy’s tongue brushed against him, earning a long awaited moan, his deep voice practically vibrating through Roy’s body.

“I see your point,” Ben swallowed, holding Roy’s head with the back of his hand. His hips riding against his face more with each deliberate flick of his tongue till Roy was satisfied enough spit had worked its way down.

He gave another long, flat lick for good measure before working a finger in, tip first, steadily curling it inwards till Ben melted into nothingness.

He kissed along his thighs, sucking in bits of soft flesh as Ben fucked down into his finger till his moans turned ragged.

“Oh, f-fuck!” Ben exclaimed, falling back into the sofa when Roy took his dick in his mouth again, sucking on it the same way he’d done his now bruised thighs, all while pressing a little harder into his g-spot.

When he hollowed out his cheeks Ben was practically shaking, his knuckles tight on the blanket underneath him, and just when Roy started to feel him clench around his finger he pulled out. Leaving Ben practically weeping.

He knew it was a little cruel, but that was half the fun — feeling Ben get desperate. The way his body writhed under his touch was too delicious.

“Impatient?”

“You have no idea,” Ben panted, catching a little giggle in his throat, his eyes still shut tight.

“Here, can you keep yourself busy for a second while I grab the rod?” Roy asked, guiding Ben’s hand between his thighs.

“Sure.” Ben sat up, holding back from touching himself too much and spoiling the fun while he watched Roy. “What’s the rod?”

“It’s the,” Roy dug a black satin bag out of the backpack they’d dropped on the floor when they walked in. “The thing that makes me uh, erect. Unless…do you not want-“

“Oh!” Ben blushed, catching on to what Roy meant. “So you are actually going to-“

“Fuck you?” Roy smirked. “If you would like that, then yeah.”

“Hm-mh,” Ben nodded enthusiastically, clearly pleased with this turn of events. “I’d like that very much.”

“I mean,” Roy momentarily lost his train of thought as he watched Ben take his little solo session further, sliding his hand down to use his own wetness as lube to jerk off with. “Oh don’t do this to me,” he growled, palming himself through his pants, finding he was the one growing desperate now. “God I want to fuck you.”

“Better hurry up then.”

Roy didn’t waste any time removing his shoes, his pants or anything else in his way. He did his best to slip his rod into his packer while it was against him. A little awkward at first with his jeans unbuttoned around his hips but he managed.

And Ben, with his own sense of urgency, certainly wasn’t going to complain about his efficiency.

“Here,” Roy finally stood back in front of him again, handing him a condom and a small foil packet of lube.

This felt different for Ben than he thought it would, a sense of calm and almost comradery with Roy that he didn’t think he’d feel with new partners.

Maybe because of their years-long acquaintanceship, or the fact that he knew Roy understood how to work his body better than most cis partners would.

“Ready?” Roy asked, looking down at him, eyes hungry as Ben worked his dick, slathering it in lube. Roy’s chest rose with every stroke, finally showing his own signs of impatience.

“Uh huh.” He nodded, rolling over on all fours with his ass in the air so Roy would have a better angle to work with.

“Fuck, just look at you,” Roy exhaled, admiring Ben’s slick thighs and wet pubes, spreading him open with his fingers.

“Oh for the love of…just put it in already,” Ben caught himself.

“Well well,” Roy smacked him on the ass, rubbing his tip around Ben’s entrance.

Given everything else, Ben expected Roy to be brash and controlling, just blindly shoving it in. But no, he actually took the time with his hands on the small of his back to guide it in as carefully as he could till Ben was ready to push back.

Still, he couldn’t help but let out a whine when he felt the familiar sharp pressure wash over him. It had been so long since he’d been with another partner, it almost took him by surprise how different he felt.

“More.” He reached back and tapped Roy’s leg.

Roy’s hips moved slowly, thrusting his whole dick in till it hit his ass before he’d slide out. Praising him all the way with soft touches to his body.

The back of his nails trailing thin lines along his thighs and up his ass, grabbing a fistful to use as leverage to push back into him.

“Fuck you’re good at that,” Ben moaned, dropping his head deeper into the sofa cushions.

He was so focused on all the sensations tingling along his skin and through his body, he almost missed Roy’s breathing pick up, but once he heard it he lasered in.

Paying close attention to every sound that came from him till he couldn’t resist sneaking a peek, peering over his shoulder to catch a glimpse of Roy’s face.

He was beautiful, with his brows furrowed tight, eyes locked on where their bodies met, mouth opened as he let out deep breaths and hushed moans. Sweat beads collected on his chest, rising and falling faster.

Then he clocked it, every now and then he’d slip; he’d shut his eyes and try to catch his breath discreetly, his mouth contorting into silent curses as if he was holding himself back.

Ben couldn’t take it anymore, he nervously tapped back behind him, reaching for any part of him. “I..I’m gonna come…”

“Already?” Roy asked smugly, forcefully pulling Ben back against his chest, trapping him in his arms so he could pick up his pace.

“Shut up,” Ben groaned, guiding Roy’s hand to his dick.

“Like before, please…like…” He croaked, turning into a ragdoll in Roy’s arms. “Like that…more like that…”

He had no clue how good it was going to feel until, out of nowhere, he couldn’t stop his hips from shaking.

The rest of his body tingled like he was about to experience the best out of control high of his life. Roy’s proud smile and own moans caught in the back of his neck as he pounded into him.

His hips slapping into his ass faster the more incoherent Ben’s cries grew till everything went into free fall.

Any ability to breath or speak or even think was inexplicably lost on him. Like his whole body was being consumed by this deep pleasure washing over him.

He thanked God or whoever would listen for Roy’s arms still around him, grounding him as he slowly descended from whatever cloud he’d accidentally floated to. Talking him down with inaudible sweet nothings and kissing along his back.

“Goddamn,” Roy sighed satisfactorily, carefully pulling out of him.

“I wouldn’t quite say you’re a god,” Ben curled his lip, “maybe god-like…god-esque.”

“I’ll be sure to put that on my resumé,” Roy pushed him down into the couch pillows, back to his old self.

“So do you use that thing on everyone?” he asked, now sitting upright when Roy came back from discarding the condom.

“Only if they want me to,” Roy shrugged, leaning down to kiss him tenderly, as if this was natural for them.

“And do they reward you for it?” He pulled their lips apart, unsure what else to do or say in the moment.

“Only if I want them to.”

With his big puppy dog eyes still looking up at him, Ben reached for Roy’s half zipped jeans, sliding them off till he could step out of them.

“Do we still need this?” Ben asked, poking at Roy’s packer.

“Depends what you have in mind?”

“I can manage,” Ben smiled, running his hands towards Roy’s ass where he pulled off his underwear, making a mental note about the inside of his packer having ridges to grind against. “Close your eyes.”

Roy hesitated, but with a deep breath in he obeyed.

Ben reached behind him, fumbling with some of the blankets and pillows spread out on the sofa till he found his target.

Roy waited patiently, his lips twitching into a smile at the anticipation of what could possibly be waiting for him.

“Oh…fu-uck,” Roy moaned, his eyes shooting open when he felt something vibrate against him. “Dirty trick you pulled there, huh?”

“I know,” Ben blushed, proud of himself. With his free arm around Roy’s waist he pulled him down onto the seat, switching their original positions but this time with Ben between his legs.

He wasn’t much of a tease, preferring to get straight to the point and licking around Roy’s dick as soon as he got up close with it. Something which Roy, still rock hard and deprived of his earlier orgasm, greatly appreciated.

Roy was so lost in the moment he didn’t even pick up that Ben had reached for the packet of lube still next to him till he felt the cold sticky touch of the vibrator nudging around his core.

Normally Roy wouldn’t think twice about asking his partner to stick to his growth and avoid wandering hands or tongues. But after his encounter with Kylie he’d grown a new tolerance, some might even say fondness, for some experimenting.

Ben must’ve picked up on this as he asked, “is this okay?”

“Yeah,” Roy gulped, finding his hips instinctively rolled up against the gentle buzzing of the toy. “But I think just, just keep that there.”

Ben followed orders extremely well, responding with glee to each hair tug or grunt coming from Roy, pleasuring him just how and where he needed it most.

“I’m so grateful you’re a better cocksucker than you are a writer,” Roy joked, grabbing a good handful of curly black hair so he could fuck his face.

“That’s it,” Ben pulled back, shaking his hand loose. He stood up, reached for the nearest piece of fabric and shoved it unceremoniously into Roy’s mouth before he could get another word out. “I warned you.”

Roy wanted to protest, but he was laughing too hard at the unexpected turn of events, ready to pull Ben’s underwear out of his mouth and throw another jab when he sunk between his legs again.

Hollowing his cheeks out around Roy’s dick, he swirled his tongue around the head, making him cry out in glorious ecstasy. He bit down into the underwear, feeling unexpectedly grateful for it as his hips bucked under him.

Pressing the tip of the toy he’d forgotten about against himself, causing a loud guttural moan he didn’t know he had in him.

He looked up at Ben, frantically searching for his eyes to warn him of what was about to happen when Ben let his dick go with a loud pop. Flicking the tip with his pointed tongue instead.

“Oh fuck you,” Roy managed through the muffle of the fabric.

Roy was a mess. He could picture it, envisioning how pathetic he must have looked with his sweat drenched forehead, trembling thighs and clenched fists either side of Ben’s head as he rode him for dear life.

He was so close, right about to cross the threshold when the vibrations went from perfect to too much, overstimulating him in a way he wasn’t used to.

“What do you need?” Ben asked, removing the underwear from his mouth.

“This…it’s-it’s-“ he could barely form a sentence, feebly trying to reach for the toy but Ben got the general idea, turning it on a lower setting instead. “Yeah, that’s…it…fuck!”

Roy came louder than he’d anticipated, forgetting for a second about the person trapped between his clenched shut thighs till he heard Ben wince.

He let go, throwing his arms back either side of himself to grab whatever blankets laid under him when he felt the sensation change.

Ben, ever the fast learner, had shifted his technique; sliding Roy’s dick in and out between his lips while licking along the underside, easing him through the torturous sensitivity till he felt the knot in his belly tighten again.

For probably the first time in his life, Roy was speechless, utterly out of a single word to say as he watched with strained eyes the way his dick disappeared between those thin lips.

His mouth agape as he rode out the second wave till he couldn’t take it anymore. Unable to show any composure or even pretend to. His whole body shuddering uncontrollably as he fucked Ben’s face, whimpering broken commands and praises along the way.

Ben’s beautiful big eyes watching him with endearment he’d never noticed from him before.

“Jesus christ, that…that’s—“ He pulled out of Ben’s mouth, giving his dick a few more deliberate strokes till it stopped pulsing. “Fucking…perfect.”

Finally satisfied, he plopped himself down dramatically, arms stretched out above his head as Ben’s fingers massaged his thigh, caressing his sore muscles.

“God that was fun,” Ben surprised him by gliding his hands along his flexed abs, making his skin tingle with a strange delight. “Do…do you think we could, maybe do that again?”

“Oh we are definitely doing that again, goddamn.” Roy exhaled, a chuckle in his throat.

He could feel a wet spot under his butt, unsure if it was him or Ben’s spit from his sloppy blowjob.

He ran his hand down his slit where they both watched as he pulled his finger back with a sticky line of his cum following out. “Jesus christ, I don’t think I’ve been like this in ages,” he laughed nervously. “I need a towel or something.”

“Oh my god, that’s so hot,” Ben said, watching him, practically licking his lips at the sight.

“You like that baby?” Roy hammed it up, arching his back a little so Ben could get a first class view of his fingers spreading a mix of cum and lube around himself.

Ben reached over and with his thumb lifted Roy’s dick, gently rubbing the underside of it till it gave a weak twitch back to life.

“I never realized how big you were,” he admitted, blushing slightly. “Real mouthful.”

“Honduran.” Roy shrugged as if he hadn’t told that joke a million times, pulling Ben closer so they’d be straddled together. “Why? You are ready for a little more.”

He watched Ben pretend to think it over, eyes gleaming with enthusiasm as he nodded eagerly, “What’s another round between friends, right?”

Pride Challenge Points: 11,202

#rpdr fanfiction #bianca del rio #bendelacreme #bianca x dela #trans character #(s)#t4t #smut #m/m au #friends to lovers #pwp #imafuckinglibra #fic challenge

5 notes · View notes

jupitermelichios · 2 years

Text

my cousin got me tickets to see spitting image live for christmas. I have no idea why, I've never watched the show, but hey, free theatre is free theatre

i've literally never walked out of a show before. i have nothing else to do today, i enjoy the experience of being in the theatre, and i have a pretty high tolerance for shit productions. I did local am-dram panto for years, willingly.

anyway i'm going to be a good citizen of the internet and leave my unhinged ranting below a cut, but if you're interesting in learning all the possible ways to fuck up a comedy show, read on

we left during the interval, and if we hadn't been in the middle of a row, I would have walked out about fifteen minutes in. not because it's 'edgy' (they literally started the show with a warning about how it might trigger the snowflakes, always a sign that what follows is going to be great comedy) because despite their best efforts it really wasn't. the closest they got to being edgy was a very bad kanye west joke that was clearly written in at the last minute because he went full neo-nazi after they'd finished the script. it was just... baaad.

i didn't find any of the jokes funny, but humour is subjective. but there was just a lot of really lazy stuff, like the lyrics in their parody songs didn't scan. they made tom cruise a main character, but were clearly afraid of getting sued by scientology, so the only joke they could make was about him being short, which is not a joke you can sustain for a 2 hour show. It's barely funny the first time. obviously the plot was extremely lose and just there to justify the impressions, but even so there was weird shit about it that just didn't make sense, like the villains were boris johnson and a cabal of evil, but also putin was there and a villain but not part of the cabal they kept just kind of cutting away to him in a way that felt very weird. also they missed so many good opportunities for jokes, like an extended bit about johnson trying to give carrie johnson a nepotism job and then cutting to trump for a reaction, but the trump joke was just 'he's a mysogynist' with zero reference to all the nepotism he did? which feels like a much more natural joke?

also elon musk is there and has a tesla car that transforms into a mech, genuinely an impressive puppet and probably the closest to an actual joke they got, but then the puppet was too big and clunky so he just leaves and doesn't come back with no explanation and no other jokes. also zuckerberg is there and they just straight up forgot to make any jokes about him? he's literally just standing there, and if I thought it was deliberate that might have been a funny joke, but i genuinely think they just forgot.

they also massively underestimated how many people in the uk watch drag race, rue paul was a main character in the show and got a lot of awkward silence. which admittedly might have been because they also didn't give him any jokes, they just had him say his catchphrases from drag race, but i honestly thing they thought the concept of drag queens was so inherently funny it would carry the character, and instead most of the audience just straight up didn't know who he was

also idris elba was in it and the joke was that he's boring? which i really feel like isn't the first thing most people think of when they think of action-movie actor and sex symbol idris elba, ngl

oh, and this i assume is a problem from the tv show that they got stuck with, but their suella braverman joke is that she's an evil haunted doll, which is like... it's not completely unfunny, and it's at least not racist, but also, this woman quote hitler in front of holocaust survivors and when called out doubled down, and the only joke you can think of is that she's annabelle? really?

i will give them one thing though, their half-lettuce half-liz truss puppet was pretty good.

anyway, don't go see this show, it's shit. my only regret about walking out is that i have blue hair and pronouns and i'm worried me walking out will have made people the show actually succeeded in being edgy and 'triggering the libs'

#theatre #my life

2 notes · View notes

jaehyunzzmilk · 3 years

Text

why does everybody think we fucked?

pairing: mark lee x reader (best friends to lovers)

word count: 2.2 k

genre: SMUT

summary: the sexual tension of having a best friend who is always flirting with you and all of your friends think you are dating already, in one of your movie nights you can't help it anymore after the dirty talking

notes: so mark is getting into me lately, I've been just a whore for him and decided to write this quick oneshot, honestly I totally see him doing something like that , imagine having him as your best friend, but anyway hope you enjoy it

warnings: alcohol, fingering, oral (male and female receiving), 69, light spanking, unprotected sex, penetration, choking, cum play, orgasm denial, anal (female receiving), dom mark, sub reader

Cold snowy day in New York City, you and your best friend Mark are in your penthouse making drinks getting ready for an Netflix session.

Mark gets a text from Haechan and laughs.

"- They're jealous because I'm not hanging out with them right now"

"What are they saying?" You ask.

"- Well, they think we are… Netflix and chill you know?"

"But aren't we?" You grab another bottle of wine.

"- No I mean..." He lets a typical high-pitched laugh out "- like, really Netflix and chill, nevermind..."

"Why does everybody think we fucked anyway?"

You and Mark were very close. Your friendship started very naturally, since the first day you were introduced by mutual friends, minutes later you were already joking around and it was like you knew each other for a very long time. Mark liked you because you were very easy going and he felt super comfortable around you. He was your male version and you were his female version. Also he was very overprotective with guys around you and since you both had a flirty personality and were always hugging and touchy people assumed you had something more going on.

"- Well you kinda don't help with the last picture you posted on your instagram stories"

The picture indeed was a very "couple" thing where you took a picture of Mark in a coffee shop you were before and wrote 'date'.

"Bitch, you reposted!" you give him a playful slap.

"- I'm not complaining tho" he holds your arm and puts you closer and hugs you. With his head on your neck he says "- and I'd be really mad if you did that with your other guy friends"

"Ugh you're such a Leo Mark Lee!"

Honestly both of you never did anything to deny the rumors. You liked him to be clingy and touchy with you and he was gorgeous.

Mark struggles trying to open the wine bottle while you laugh and make another video to post on your instagram stories.

"Ok what are we watching? Horror, comedy?" You both grab the wine and go to the couch to snuggle in a blanket.

"- We could watch this drama called Nevertheless that everyone is talking about" Mark says while grabbing your legs and putting on top of his.

"Since when do you watch dramas?" You take a sip of your wine.

"- No but seriously I heard people saying this one is good, it's not only that corny romance shit!"

"Ok then!"

You turn on the drama and cuddle on his lap. Neither of you were fans of kdramas but Mark was right, this one was different than the normal plot of 'rich guy who falls in love with the normal girl and they only hold hands until the last episodes' in fact it had some quick make out scenes that were hotter than the usual. In the first make out scene Mark takes his whole glass of wine and his cheeks get red.

"Are you ok?" You laugh.

"- Yeah, yeah it's just… fuck I need to get laid" He puts his head back.

"Really? What about the girl from Jeno's birthday?"

"- That doesn't count, it seems like I was having sex with a starfish if you know what I mean"

"Oh my god! Ok, enough with the oversharing"

"- What about you tho?" He pours more wine into both of your glasses and looks at you.

"After the last guy I fucked didn't even eat me out and nutted in 5 minutes I'm just so done with guys"

Mark almost spits his wine.

"- I'm sorry for laughing, but if it makes you feel any better the starfish girl didn't know how to do a blowjob as well so, cheers to our boring sex lives" "Cheers" You drink the wine, you were getting tipsy. Mark passes his fingers on your waist while you try to focus on the drama, all that cuddling, alcohol and romantic scenes were making you feel horny.

"So since we're talking about it... what would you have liked her to do it? The starfish girl"

"- You mean like..." He laughs.

"You know exactly what I mean, I know you're kinky as fuck, so don't pretend you're not. What are you into?" You say drinking more wine.

He stares at you and passes his hand on his neck.

"- Well umm… I like when girls start slow and then I like to be in control so I would fuck her face until she cries and cum in her mouth." You swallow hard looking at him, he doesn't stop the eye contact "- then I would eat her out really good and every time she was about to cum I would stop making her beg for it..." You feel your panties getting wet by imagining it "then I would have fuck her so hard in every corner of the house it would be hard for her to walk on the next day"

Since you're on his lap you can feel he is hard cock under his sweatpants, and you decide to tease him and press your butt against his bulge. When you do that his hand that is still on your waist grabs your skin hard and goes up until your breast. "What about you baby girl? What you're into?" He starts to play with your nipple, you were wearing a thin lace bra so you got sensitive very easy.

"I like it rough!" You roll your hips into his bulge. "- Fuck!" He says.

You can't hold it anymore and you roll over on top on him and you kiss him. He grabs your butt pressing your core against his bulge, you grind against his clothed dick getting more friction. You let out a moan and you kiss Mark's neck, giving him a hickey. He groans and helps you to take off your clothes.

You go down on him and stop at the elastic waist of his briefs. You can see the precum already leaking under the fabric and you kiss his clothed tip. After taking off his briefs you take his cock with your hand and give it a lick on his length until the tip, he moans and puts his head back on the couch. You spread the precum on his length with your hand and start jerking him off slowly, then you put his tip on your mouth and sucks the head of his dick. You keep moving your hand up and down working on what doesn't fit in your mouth, you let out a moan and the vibration makes Mark whine. You slow down, take it out of your mouth and lick the end of his length right in the middle of his balls, then you put one in your mouth and suck it. "Fuck y/n". Your hands still pumping him, after sucking his balls you spit on his length and puts his dick between your boobs, bouncing up and down. You can see he is getting close when his dick starts pulsing. He grabs your hair into a ponytail and put his length back in your mouth, he gains speed and makes you gag. "You're gonna swallow it all, right baby girl?" You moan, tears coming down of your eyes but Mark doesn't stop. He moans and cums in your mouth, you do as it says and swallow it.

Mark grabs you and you lay on the couch. Legs spreading, he opens the lips of your pussy slowly making your back arch, then he slaps your clit. You whine. He starts licking your labia in circle motions then up and down until your clit, while he kisses your clit he inserts one finger into you. You grab his hair. He inserts another finger and goes faster. "Fuck, right there" You scream. When your leg starts shaking and you're about to cum he stops. "Mark!" You whine. "What's wrong baby?" He comes up kissing your stomach until your breasts, then he sucks your nipple. "- Sorry, what do you want? I didn't hear you" He says while pressing his thumb on your clit. You moan and he keeps kissing your boobs. He starts fingering you again. You scream in pleasure. "Mark..." he bites your lower lip. "Please let me cum!" you kiss him back, his thumb presses your clit, and he goes down on you again. Your whole body shakes when he fingers you and licks your pussy at the same time, you grab his hair and cums in his mouth.

"Mark I need you inside me" You say. He spreads your legs and enters you with no warning. "- Fuck you're so tight" you moan trying to get used to his size, still very sensitive from your orgasm but Mark doesn't care, he pounds rentless into you, his thrusts were deep, hitting your g-spot. You cross your legs against his making him go harder than he already was, and you press your nails into his muscles. One of Mark's hands goes to your chin while the other is holding your waist, he grabs your chin and puts his thumb on your mouth, you suck it "You said you liked it rough right?" he looks deep into your eyes and you nod. He removes his thumb from your mouth and chokes you. You press your nails harder on him and throw your head back loving the way he is choking you while pounding into you faster. Mark was moaning as well, when you thought he was gonna let your neck go he pressed harder. Your tits are bouncing with each thrust. You feel your pussy tightening around his cock as your second orgasm approaches. He let go of your neck and pressed his fingers on your clit, rubbing it hard. You are moaning so loud when you come on his cock, he kisses you while you're still moaning. Mark pulls out of you to kiss you, suppressing your moans "- Let me cum on those pretty tits" he says. You're still shaking from your orgasm, cum leaking out of your pussy. He gets on his knees and pumps his dick hard, you press your boobs together while Mark lets out a high moan and cums on them.

He kisses you again, tongue fighting for dominance "Let's go to my room". He grabs you in his arms, you don't break the kiss until you arrive in your room. On your bed, Mark lays down and you position yourself to sit on his face, he grabs your tights and impatiently pulls you down. He starts licking slowly from your lips to your clit, you moan in response. While he keeps sucking your folds you go down on him and wrap your mouth around his cock, he lets out a groan with the vibrations of your moans. You keep bobbing your head up and down and start to grind against his face. He pushes his tongue in your entrance making you scream in pleasure. You pull off from his cock and spit on his balls, then you start licking and massaging them with one hand, while the other works on his length. "Fuck" he curses.

Room filled with the wet noises of your moans, getting sloppier every time, when Mark realizes you're getting close he stops and give a slap on your ass and moves his finger to your butthole, you whine "- Have you ever tried anal?" You take his member out of your mouth "Only once" He circles his finger on your hole "Wanna try it again?"

"Fuck!"You moan, you get off him and go get the lube on your drawer. You give him the lube and get on all fours. Marks puts a good amount of lube on his fingers and sliding on your hole. He positions himself and pushes it slowly to not hurt you. As soon as you get used to the feeling he goes faster and fucks you deeply, both of you moaning in pleasure. He gives your ass another slap and holds your hips to be in control of the strokes. You basically scream when his hand go to your clit rubbing in circles. "Oh my god Mark" your whole body is shaking with the sensation and you squirt on his hand, Mark curses and releases hot spurts of cum inside of you.

You both collapse on your bed, you're breathing heavily trying to recover from all of that.

"- That was so hot!" Mark says "I needed that, fuck" you say.

"- Wait, let me clean you up!" He gets up and go to the bathroom to get some tissues, he gently cleans you up and then kisses you. It was more than the pleasure to you, you could stay there kissing him for hours.

"Can I ask you a question?" You say. "- Sure."

"What was the first thing you thought when you saw me for the first time?"

"- I thought you were beautiful, and not like… just beautiful, but you know I said to myself 'wow that girl is something else' and then I thought it was so cute how you grabbed the cola I was drinking to take a sip, then you looked me in the eye, I was kinda in love I swear"

"So I guess we're up with the rumors now!" You laugh. "I'm kinda hungry, is there any snack left?"

"- I can't wait for dessert after, if you know what I mean".

#mark lee #nct smut #mark smut #mark lee smut #mark x reader #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nctzen

2K notes · View notes

shotthemessenger · 3 years

Text

Pranking Him 💌

Pairing Tenjiku Ran x Black Prankster Reader

Reader & Ran → 18+ - Pranks will take place at home

Pranks are:

Whispering "daddy" in his ear and then walking away

Calling him by someone else's name to see his reaction.

Both will be written on this post!

Warnings: Suggestive

Genre: Fluff, Comedy

Enjoy :>

[Whispering daddy in his ear then walking away]

So, while your lovely boyfriend sat in the living room playing video games that you, shouldn't have, introduced him to. You were in your room talking with your friends. "So what should I do to prank him today girls and gays?" It was all a discord call on your laptop. You were getting suggestions when one caught your eye. "What about teasing him and walking away? Since he's always messing with you why don't you mess with him?"

"Dude... That's a good idea!" You giggled at your inside joke. When he leaves the room for the bathroom you sneak in, setting your phone and gopro up. You set your phone as recording and gopro for streaming. When he came back in you put your plan in action. "Hey babe!" You surprised him while his eyes drifted from the screen to you. "Hey baby, kiss?" He asked, giving him one before turning back around.

You started unbraiding his hair and raking your fingers through it. Once you finished, you leaned over and whispered "hey daddy~" in his ear the detaching yourself from him. His head whipped around so fast and he threw the remote, scaring the crap out of you. "Huh? Oi what are you doing? You don't just say that then run. Who do you think you are."

"Your girlfriend. Maybe you should pay more attention to me and then you could get some." You winked. Oh how bold your were. He quickly snatched you up and pinned you to the couch. Before he could say anything you are a ruckus. "WAIT WAIT WAIT I'M RECORDING! THIS IS STREAMING!" He paused and looked at the screen and saw the phone and gopro. "People are seeing this? On what?" He asked while looking backs and forth from the electronics to you. "Discord. They'll ban me if we do anything like this."

You lied, they'd probably watch and then comment on it. "I don't care." He stated bluntly and started kissing on your neck while you squeezed his hands. "Baby, bae, babe. We can't do this right now!" You mumbled softly. He sighed and got up off you. "Turn it off. We are still doing it babe." You rolled your eyes and got up. He attached himself to your back and waddled with you to the rooms and once you left the call, he picked you up and brought you right back to the front.

He put you right back into the same position, kissing your neck again, this time you had no problem with it. Your hands squeezed his and this time he squeezed back softly.

"I love you, [reader]"

[Calling him by someone else's name to see his reaction.]

Ok ok, so you know, you KNOW, that he would kill someone. And being that you don't want him going on a rampage, you use Rindou's name for the prank, and you prayed the best for him. You were currently home alone but you knew that he would be home soon so you set up in the kitchen and when he came in close you started recording.

His brother was with him, which made things a little sticky, but you thought about when he ate your Klondike bars that one time and now you wanna get back at him. When Ran came up behind you, he tickled your neck with his kisses, making you giggle. "Rin- Ran stop!" He did stop. In fact he turned you around. Rindou had spit out his drink in confusion watching this shit unfold and whether or not he had to run for his life. "Oi oi, what'd you just call me?"

"I called you Ran." He chuckled softly and shook his head before he stared into your eyes. His were empty and intense. His grip on your waist tightened and you could feel his nails dig into your skin but you were too focused on his gaze to notice. "No. You called me Rin. Baby don't tell me you're cheating on me with my brother. My brother, love." You winced and kept your stance but the pain was a little too much. "Ran stop she's bleeding, it's a prank."

Rin grabs his hands and separate them from your waist. He was still serious and didn't believe him. "Look, her phone is recording, it's another TikTok idiot. Go clean her up or I will." He said smacking his older brother in the head while you grab your phone. You stopped the recording and put it back. "Come one bae, let's go. You jealous prick." You roll your eyes, dragging him along as he stays quiet. It's silent as he's on his knees wrapping the bandages around your stomach.

You pat his head and he looks up at you, triggering your hand to slip down to his cheek. "Hey sugar, you good?" Blush was visible on his face, he liked that. He really liked that, what you just did, this view, he really likes it. "I'm alright darling, I should be asking you that." He responds, taking your hand in his. The atmosphere enlivened between the two of you. "I'm just fine, my love." The reddening of his cheeks said it all, bringing about a wider smile.

"Let's' go cuddle, yeah?"

230 notes · View notes

jicklet · 3 years

Text

That post about Jane and Beard warning signs got me thinking further about how Ted Lasso the show itself is almost through the lens of an unreliable narrator? We're so used to media directing us how to feel through how it's framed and the music and character reactions, etc etc. This is a happy moment that we are endorsing, this is a bad moment and you should feel bad.

But like... All of Nate's warning flag moments that have built up to where he is now, they were all framed pretty triumphantly. His speech to the players where he starts insulting them to get his points across and everyone just cheers him on, calling Rebecca a shrew but it getting immediately glossed over with his promotion. Even him spitting at the mirror and whistling rudely for his parents was framed as a moment of, Yay Nate being assertive!

At the time, those moments bothered me, but I'm just so used to comic relief characters getting flanderized and becoming assholes for the lulz when they used to be more sweet, I brushed it off (for season 1 anyway). That's just what happens in a comedy, a bit fast but oh well.

But now we're starting to see those moments escalate until they're not ignorable anymore. Nate going off on Will at the end of the episode isn't treated like a joke, and it hits hard.

Same thing with Beard and Jane. Oh, Beard lost Jane at the gala because he was too into chess over her, haha. Oh she went back to him because he was assertive and she thought his passion was hot, haha they're so dramatic. But now that we're seeing the darker side of that relationship it's like, did you notice she stopped their chess game right as he was about to win? That when Beard hurt his best friend (with the truth he needed but with yelling and storming off) she had nothing but approval?

Were you paying attention and interpreting on your own, or just taking as fact the story as it was presented to you?

#I think a reason a lot of people were thrown off by season 2 was that S1 presented us with a lot of tropes played straight #and S2 took those and went 'Okay but actually—'#I've said it before but Ted and Nate and Beard on most any other show would be side characters #But here we're looking at them like What would actually make a person that way?#It's fucking fascinating #There's a lot more that could be said on this but I'm passing this thought along now #Ted lasso #Ted lasso spoilers #V watches Ted lasso #Ted lasso meta

230 notes · View notes

barzzal · 4 years

Text

between halls and thin walls → part three

summary: friends who fool around almost never work. almost.

↳ pairing: mathew barzal x you

↳ warnings: fingering, fem and male receiving, mentions of pornography, sexual/suggestive themes, swearing, mat not knowing how to eat pussy, anddd too much sneaking around i’m hating myself for it

↳ genre: fluff, angst, smut, roommates au, best friend’s best friend, friends with benefits, 18+

↳ length: series; part one, part two, part three (8.6k), part four, part five, part six

↳ masterlist: the barn

↳ track: god is fair, sexy nasty, cinderella, planet god damn by mac miller

note: so sorry for the wait! have been a lot busier with uni :(( took weeks for me to finally sit down and write on my laptop to finish this aaaah anw here’s the update and i’m making it up to yall i hope you like!! happy reading babies <3

“Wait–” you break off, your fingers already weaving through his ever so gorgeous hair.

“What about Tito?” you fret.

You’re sure there was at least a hint of annoyance in his voice. Possibly irked that you had to ruin the one thing you both have been craving for for weeks.

“He won’t come home, trust me.” he says, lips already making its way back to touch your skin, nestling on your jawline, before trailing down to the intricate line of your neck, his movement hasty with a sense of hunger and urgency.

You didn’t mind. It felt good.

“Okay– no. Let’s stop this for a sec.” you try to snap out of it, pushing him away but just enough to keep him within arms reach. You rest both your hands on his broad shoulders whilst he rests his on your hips, just a few inches above your ass.

“We need to clear things out.” you start, eyes lingering on his irises, making you wet your lips at the sight.

“Didn’t we clear things out thrice now?” he quirks his brows, “And it kinda looks like we’re about to clear the same thing for the fourth time. What’s not clear about it?” Mat kids, half laughing as he lets you punch him playfully, “I’m not kidding, Barz.” you say, clearing your throat.

You didn’t mind for any of his double entendres but you did mind the fact that whatever’s about to happen tonight is bound to tip the scales of whatever it was that you were having with Mathew.

“Fine. Let’s talk,” he agrees. He walks towards the bed just as he began pulling his shirt off over his head to undress himself.

“Mathew!” you call him yet again, earning yourself a defensive shrug from him, “What? We’re gonna have sex either way might as well talk while we’re at it, right?” he counters, “Now, take your clothes off.”

Regardless of being annoyed at him for acting like an unreasonable child engaging in too much banter, you let out a laugh in disbelief, letting Mathew’s quirks have a hold on you. You roll your eyes out but do as you’re told and begin taking your shirt off which you then throw his way.

Mat whistles, a smirk sprouting off his lips, evidently in awe of how good you looked half-naked, “Wow.”

You cock up a smirk and shrug to play it off, “Well, you’re not so bad yourself.” you turn the compliment back which Mat only reciprocated with a taunting wink, brushing his shoulder briefly like an idiot.

“So. How do you want to play this?” you inquire.

“Naked, I hope.” he laughs, putting his sweats off revealing nothing but his boxers on. When he sees you roll your eyes, yet again, almost wondering if you’re going to bawl it out at any moment, Mat clears his throat and decides to dial down his terrible jokes.

“Fine. Let’s just say we’re doing ‘Friends with Benefits’ or, you know, what was that movie again?” he thinks for a second, snapping his fingers as he gathers a few romantic comedies he’s seen in the past. “No Strings Attached! The one with Natalie Portman! Yeah, that’s the one.” he marvels.

You look at him quite stunned that he’s familiar with these movies. “Wow. I thought you guys are just into full-on pornography and sports.”

“Hey!” he retorts, defending himself at once, “I’m speaking your language, dumbass. And for the record, I don’t like porn.” with that, you let out a loud laugh accompanied by a scoff, obviously not buying any of his lies. To which Mat jumps to defend himself the moment he sees the mocking look in your eyes, “What?? Not all men likes pornography, y/n.”

With both hands on your hips, you arch your brow at him and reply with a revolting grin, “First rule, no lying. I wasn’t born last night, Barzal.”

“Fine. I don’t like it like it.” he points out just as he averts your gaze, “But I’m certainly not against it. Those girls need to make a living, y/n.”

You meet his cocky remark with an exasperated sigh, “You’re such a pig.”

Mat answers with a shrug, letting your judgmental glares slide, “Call me names, I don’t care. You’re the one sleeping with a pig.”

And as if it had been expected all along, it didn’t take long for the both of you to end up in bed, wearing nothing but your skin, breathing in each other’s breaths, gasping as you let yourselves let loose with the company of a friend.

Mathew marvels at the sight of your heaving chest whilst his head was wedged in between your thighs, going on endless circles as he nibbles on your clit, perhaps trying a little too hard to make you meet your high.

What the fuck is he doing? is probably what every girl has asked herself when a man goes down on her thinking that he already got her all figured out.

Mathew knew what he was doing to be fair. He was there. For the most part. His fingers were nothing but magic but his mouth was a different subject. It was almost as if he was overachieving something. Kind of like the way he does during plays that would eventually cause them the game.

He’s in his head a little too much. That’s for sure. You didn’t want to ruin the moment so you decide to let it slide and put on your best suit. After all, it wasn’t the first time you had to fake your sexual orgasms. You weren’t entirely surprised though. Half of the men you’ve gone out with didn’t know shit about eating pussy. And Mat was pretty, at least he had that going on for him.

You bit your lower lip, trying to suppress the fact that you weren’t enjoying it. Mat was doing all sorts of things at once and it was all too much. Too much that you’d rather finish the job yourself than have someone licking your region like a fucking chew toy.

As much as you didn’t want to, you arch your back and let out a fake moan, curling your fingers on the sheets, the other tugging on Mat’s hair, staging the perfect scene Mat had wanted to see. He emerges from below and hovers on top of you with a proud grin on his face, oblivious of the dramatic pin you’ve successfully put into the night.

“And that, my friend,” he smirks, “is how you do it.”

Oh, believe me, it is not. You try to smile, “Hm. It’s that easy, huh?”

“Well, yeah. Think of it like a scrimmage.” he says as he starts to pepper kisses on your cheeks, his hands roaming around your body, compensating for what his mouth missed. “Or a shootout even.”

“I’m thinking no.” you deny, “Rule two, if talking hockey is your definition of dirty talk, you better zip it.” you stress out as you prop your leg around his waist in order for you to move on top of him.

Mat chuckles, trying to mask how much he longed to feel your mouth envelop his member. There hasn’t been a day where the image of you sucking his length didn’t enter his mind. It didn’t matter where he was. Whether he was in the shower, on the road with the boys, leaving for practice, or just tying his skates. He wanted nothing more than to look down at you as your little tears revolt to escape your doe eyes whilst you take him whole. Indeed, it was a sight for Mathew. And god knows how much he’s willing to give just to see it again.

You spit just as you kiss the tip of his shaft, stroking his length in a circular motion to spread your saliva on his cock before you proceed on pressing gentle kisses on his head; edging him for not letting you cum— unconsciously wanting him to know how to give a goddamn head the right way.

You patiently went your way as you began taking him in your mouth, inching down his thickness without breaking off of his dark and lustful gaze. Mat rests his head on the headboard, his breathing growing heavy and hoarse whilst he watches his dick be consumed by your hollowing cheeks, sucking the life out of him.

“Fuck. You’re so good.” he groans, pulling your hair with his free hand before guiding you further down his dick. “Yeah, that’s it.”

Flattered by his praises which you find undeniably hot, you pop him out of your mouth, letting all your spit drip onto it just before gathering it back once you start licking him underneath, sucking on his balls as your tongue goes on little circles, playing with it for a while before letting it go with a loud pop.

You watch Mat lose his mind with every movement you make but you know full well not to let him come in your mouth. It’s bad enough you didn’t get to come the first time he tried tonight. You won’t have yourself seeing the light of day high and dry while Mat gets to doze off the second you leave for his door.

You climb on top of him. Mat was rather quick to let his hands find its way to your hips, your pussy sitting on his flat stomach just enough to let him know how wet you still are for him in spite of not getting the fun you’ve wanted for your own.

“Where’s the rubber?” you ask him. Mat props himself quickly and carefully shifts towards his bedside table. You feel him on your back, poking on your skin whilst he pulls out one of the drawers. He fishes a wrapped condom straight from the box which he then swiftly opens with his teeth, motioning for you to get off of him first so he could get settled.

“Ready?” you ask him, “Ready.”

Mat rolls over and secures you in between his hands resting on both sides of your head. You feel his head poking against your abdomen as he finally takes his shaft to rub it in between you far too moistened slit just before he takes the plunge and dive deep.

“So,” you struggle to find the words as Mat finally starts making up for his loss a while ago. Your fingers envelop his nape, digging on his skin as you let himself adjust inside you. Stretching you whole with barely half his dick pushing through you. Thank god this was one of the many things Mat definitely did not suck at.

“Wanna walk me through this whole set up?”

Mathew groans, his chest hard against yours as he pumps inside you at a steady pace; one that was pleasurably slow. One that had you closing your eyes whilst you let your head sink into his pillows.

Despite working his way on tending to too many things at once, with his thumb brushing on one of your nipples, his lips attached to your earlobes, and his free hand secured on your hips, Mat whispers in your ear. “It’s like what we’ve agreed on that night.” he breathes heavily, his mind trailing off to that night momentarily before he speaks again, “We’re friends.”

“And?” you whine as you feel his wet lips brush briefly on your sensitive skin just enough to send chills up your spine, making you crave more of his touch; a grave wanting kindling inside your gut like fire.

“Friends…” he repeats in between kisses, “who likes to do this.” his lips travel from the corner of your lips and onto your jaw line. He then lets himself pull away just so he could look you in the eye, all whilst maintaining both your bodies moving in sync as you follow his lead.

“You do know that things like this almost never work, right?” you honestly say, telling him the very same thing you’ve told him when you first crossed the line and threw everything you’ve progressively built with him throughout the years of being Anthony’s best friends.

“Almost is good enough for me.” he counters with a husky voice, feeling constrained by how tight your pussy was around him. It had been a while and Mat was going insane just by thinking about how your cunt was made exactly for him. It was absurd for him to think such a thing but he would not deny the sensation coursing through his veins as if sex had become something entirely new to him. That you have miraculously been able to paint something far better than what he’s already gotten used to for who knows how long; luring him into the worst kind of addiction he could get himself into. And although Mathew wanted to hate himself that it had to happen with you, he knew he couldn’t.

“Let’s not have secrets,” he suggests. You raise both your brows, quite intrigued that he requested such a thing. “We’re not that close to have secrets, Barzal.” you remind him.

“Exactly!” he cheers, voice briefly rising as you let out a moan escape when he pushes himself deeper through your heated walls. Mat hurriedly locks your mouth with his, swallowing all your moans before continuing with his case.

“That’s the point. We’re not that close so we shouldn’t be keeping anything from each other. You tell me everything. Good or bad, and I’ll do the same.”

You shoot him a questioning look, pushing him briefly so you could position yourself on top of him. Your action was very much well-received on Mathew’s end and it’s amazing how he’s able to lift you close to his torso before the two of you roll over the switch-game without letting his dick slip out of you.

“Are you saying we’re going to be in a relationship? You’re way over your head, mister.” you laugh because it was exactly what it sounded. At least for you.

Mat rolls his eyes as he takes a pillow to support his back. His hands then roamed from your thighs before settling to cage your hips to lock it with his, “First of all, bold of you to assume that’s ever gonna happen.”

You scoff.

“Second, it’s more of a mutual agreement and definitely less than a relationship.” he points out to reiterate that having said ‘relationship’ with you was the last thing he wanted.

Your hands take rest atop his chest as you start working on rocking your hips at a gentle pace; the kind that had Mathew at a loss for words for a moment, his body taking over his mind as your physique towers all over him. Mathew meets you halfway while you do most of the work. He angles himself forward so as to reach for your tits, his mouth latching on one of your buds, thirsty like a newborn child. Your fingers find their way to his tousled hair, its disheveled state unbelievably making him much more difficult to resist.

The two of you worked each of your own highs whilst you rock each other’s bodies. Exchanging moans and groans thrown carelessly throughout the room. You were all over Mathew as much as he was with you. His strong and capable hands that moved so well on your body, made you crave for more. Mathew took control of the pace now, his arms embracing your waist closer to his body that no amount of spatial space could ever be perceived by either of you.

“Come for me.” Mat orders, voice almost inaudible as he was chasing his own, the moment he feels you throb rapidly around him, fluttering like butterflies while he watches you shut your eyes. Just like that, you finally reach the ecstasy you’ve been longing for the whole night; one that was specifically shut down by Mathew’s stale mouth.

You let Mat take over. He orders you to turn your back against him before he pulls you rapidly close to his front, your ass perked up close to his skin. His mouth leaves fashioned bites on your neck whilst he held you firmly by your forearm. Mathew begins pounding on you hard from behind, his sharp and abrupt movements painting bruises you know will show up the next morning.

You were all over the place and you didn’t care. It was messy, it was loud. The sound Mathew’s lips leave on your skin, his balls banging against your pussy, your moans— his groans. Everything was off the record book but neither of you wanted to stop.

With one final thrust, you feel his body grow all the more rigid behind you. Mathew’s hand was wrapped firmly around your neck whilst he caught his breath.

“You good back there, bud?” you ask, chuckling.

“Oh, shut up.” he says, finally letting you go.

The two of you gather yourselves. Mat discards the wrapper and offers to clean up after the mess he’d made but you profusely decline.

“I’m not your girlfriend. You don’t have to take care of me.” you tell him with a strong suit as you begin picking up your clothes.

“I know–” he cuts himself off when he sees you getting into your pants, “Where are you going?” he questions.

“Rule four. No staying the night.” you point out, grabbing your sweatshirt from the floor. “You come to my room, I come to yours, but that’s that. No more, no less.” you add.

Mathew looks stunned. Obviously on board with how well you were taking things so easily.

“Alright then, buddy.” he strides his way towards his bed still naked.

“We don’t speak about any of this in the morning.” you warn him for you know how the three of you tend to leave the house almost at the same exact time as each other. Meaning that this new setup of yours is bound to be much difficult if you let anything slip off your hold.

Mathew runs his fingers on his lips as if to zip it before he jumps on the bed, already reaching for his phone that was on his bedside table so he could check the gram.

You were just on your way out of his door when he called you one last time, a teasing smile creeping on his lips, “What’s rule five?”

“No funny business.” you say at once. You look at him one last time with your own teasing smile to mock him from across the room, “No strings attached.” you say, repeating how he used the movie as a reference from a while back before finally disappearing into the hall.

𖥸

Who would have known agreeing to such a set up would mean getting laid almost every chance you get?

It had been a few weeks since you and Mat committed to your foolish escapades after sorting out your mutual agreement. Said escapades involve a handful of times of you driving over to the Coli to pick him up right after his morning skate and get off the back of your car. It wasn’t that big of a deal being that Mathew usually rides with Anthony for work. Of course, there were also times where you would call him into your office just to grab a quick lunch. On those times you always make sure to leave out at least half an hour or so before going home to avoid unnecessary suspicions from Tito and you and Mathew have been mindful so as not to let him notice anything.

Mat had mentioned how he was already looking for a place nearer to yours and Tito’s but farther than his previous complex. The place was half an hour less than the travelling time Tito had to drive to from when they used to ride together going home. And now that you were officially friends and more than just acquaintances, Mat has asked you to come and see the place with him.

You took a lift on your way to Mat’s and let’s just say, that for a man with a whopping 21M at his disposal, the building was grand but it wasn’t as boujee as you’ve expected. It might’ve been your lack of a better judgement but Mathew just didn’t seem to be the kind of guy who would be smart when it comes to his finances. You’ve always thought that he was the kind to splurge on things whenever he gets the chance. Although much to your surprise, just like everyone else, he was a simple man.

You knock on the door a few times before you hear the familiar footsteps nearing the front door.

“Hey,” a signature grin welcomes you. He opens the door wider and invites you in. “Took you long enough.”

“Well, I had better things to do, Barzal.” you retort as you start to scan the vicinity.

The flat had floor to ceiling windows so the surroundings were well lit. You were making your way further when you noticed a few sealed boxes laying around what you assumed to be where the living space was going to be.

“I thought you were just looking?” you ask, brows furrowed in confusion whilst you look back at him, pointing on the storages with your thumb.

As expected, the entire apartment was painted in white and beige tones. Pretty much like every Islander’s home you’ve been to. It was quite spacious just like his former home. That being said, spacious doesn’t necessarily mean ‘good’ sometimes. For one thing, it didn’t feel home to you. It felt like a cage with huge-ass windows overlooking a scenery you can’t even lay your hand on. You keep your thoughts to yourself, not wanting to ruin Mat’s excitement for the place. Sure enough, it’ll all come together once he gets settled.

Mat walks towards you, taking a deep breath. “I was. But the offer was really good so I figured signing the lease right away would be a smart move.” he explains. When he sees your gaze trail off onto the boxes again, Mat feels the need to reassure you that he wasn’t going to move out of your apartment just yet.

“I won’t be moving in for another month or two, just to be clear. Those are just some stuff I didn’t want hogging all the space at home.” he says candidly pertaining to your apartment as his home, not even realizing the weight he had tied to his words.

You were quick to dismiss your own unsolicited thoughts and carried on with the semi-tour Mat was starting to indulge you with. “Are you sure you’re gonna live here alone? Feels like a whole penthouse up here.” you honestly say, half-laughing as you make way towards the hallway.

“Yeah. I mean, it would be great for when the team comes over.” he says as he follows your tracks. “The penthouse is actually two floors above mine though.”

You roll your eyes at his subtle remark, “Why’d you made me come here anyway?”

And as if Mat had remembered the task he originally had in mind, he walks right past you to lead the way. “I want your opinion on something.”

“Really? What is it?” you inquire, following after his footsteps. Mat stops and opens a door leading to what you assume is the master bedroom. Situated at the center of the fairly spacious room is a california king sized bed, waiting patiently to be slept on.

Mat looks back at you and says, “D’you think it’s any good?”

He lets you roam around the place, setting yourself down on the foot of the bed. “Bed’s nice actually.” you tell him and you stand at once to look more of his semi-furnished room.

“How nice is it exactly? Like, nice to sleep on or nice to not get any at all?” you turn around, rolling your eyes at his sleazy innuendos. “You’re such a tool. You really made me come all the way here to get me tied down this bed?”

Mat only answers with a shrug. An adorable one to be exact. “What? That’s what friends are for, y/n. Now, come on. Test the bed with me.” he says, taking your hand at once before you could even answer. He lets himself fall onto the bed as he caught your weight in his arms, your bodies dangerously close to each other, feeling your own body temperatures.

His hands roam around your clothed physique just as he starts to cage you in a well heated kiss. Your lips dance with his, letting his tongue slip whenever he gets the chance, nibbling on your tongue as the two of you enjoy exchanging your own take on what house warming gifts are supposed to look like.

Mat’s hands were already gripping on the curve of your ass when the sound of your and Mathew’s kisses were stopped by a sudden knock on the door. Your hand immediately trailed down from Mat’s nape to his chest, “Are you expecting someone?”, he thinks for a second, both of his hands still secured on your bottoms.

“Oh!” he gasps upon remembering who could it possibly be, “It’s probably my realtor. He’s picking some stuff up, I’ll go get it.” he says, propping himself up as a cue for you to get off of him.

“Would you mind getting the door? I’ll be quick, I promise.” he adds, looking back at you as he steps out of the room, heading for the other side of the hallway. He speaks in an apologetic tone, feeling sorry for having to cut off the purpose of your visit. So, in an effort to let him know he had nothing to worry about, you shake your head as you finish straightening the wrinkles off your work clothes.

“No, it’s all right, I got it.” you give him a reassuring smile.

You gladly make your way towards the door, not even bothering to look through the hole. You hand enveloped the cold metal, swinging the door wide open, leaving yourself not a chance at escape as soon as your eyes landed on those all too familiar big blue ones you’ve known all your life.

“Y/N?” a puzzled expression was all you could make out of Tito’s face. You tried stumbling for a few words in the hopes of calming your already racing heart impending to escape your chest at any moment.

“What are you doing here?” he asks in utmost bewilderment. You were still in shock being that you’ve never lied to Anthony before since he’s the only one you’ve told everything to most of the time. Having him here, clearly unexpected, has evidently thrown you off guard.

You maintain your gaze at him and throw the same question back, “What are you doing here?”

“Mat and I are going out with Mikey and Noah for drinks.” he answers quickly so he could throw the ball your way, “You didn’t answer me. I didn’t know you knew about this place already?” he furrows his brows, looking over your shoulder to get a glimpse of his best mate.

“Uhm. Mat called me to discuss a few things. Showed me some stuff too.” you nervously say, tip toeing on the fact that what you just told him wasn’t entirely a lie. You open the door all the way and finally let him in. Your knuckles were wrapped hard around the cold metal knob, wishing that Mat would come out to the room to save your ass.

You must have gotten on a wrong foot and told Tito a lie that’s bound to invite more suspecting queries.

“Really? What stuff?”

His bed, where he was just about to defile me on.

Thankfully, Mat walks out the open room holding an envelope in his hand, immediately halting his tracks the moment he sees Anthony looking straight at him.

“Beau! What–” he tries to remain composed, but you know Tito would definitely pick up on something just by how pale Mat’s face was. Dead and cold like someone who had seen a ghost for the first time.

“What— am I doing here?” Anthony finishes Mat’s question just as he turns his gaze back at you. You try to avert his gaze but you figured it’s best not to. You need to go before him strong and level headed. The last thing you and Mathew want is to get caught in the act by no other than the last person you want to know about it.

“What?” He laughs, brushing Tito’s biting tone off. “I know why you’re here, silly.” he tries to search in his head momentarily, but when he takes long enough, Tito answers it for him. “Drinks, man. You texted me for drinks.”

“Oh– yeah, no. I knew that.” he breathes out an uneasy laugh.

“Why is Y/N here? I didn’t know you guys hung out? The last time I checked you can’t even last in the same room without slashing each other’s throats.” he smirks.

Surprisingly, Mat was fast enough to come up with quite a clever way to sway Anthony from his inkling suspicions. One that made sense, but not necessarily helpful in your end. “Psh. That?” Mat throws a hand towards your way, dismissing your presence in his unfurnished apartment, “She told me she needs money so I hired her to move my boxes for me. She even insisted on listing all the stuff I’ll eventually get rid of online.”

Anthony looks back at you, surprised that you didn’t go and asked for his help instead. “How much do you pay her?” he asks Mat again.

“Uh, five… ten bucks?” Mat scratches the back of his head and your face immediately falls to your palm.

“Ten?” he questions, glancing at you. “Don’t you have your own office and a secretary? What do you need the ten bucks for?” Tito’s tone was now getting more curious and Mat, just like he always was, was dumb enough to forget you were earning more than just ten bucks for a living.

“Did I say ten? I meant fifty— per hour.” Mathew takes it back instantly, following it with a lie that involves you asking him for a job because your publisher ordered you to for a book she wants you to sign for. Not that any of it made sense but at least Anthony seemed to have bought it. When you agree, Mat immediately takes Anthony in his arms as he guides him out to the door, snatching his coat resting atop his kitchen island.

Mat looks over to you once more, both of their bodies already at the other side of the door, “You did great today, y/n. I’ll write you a check in the morning!” he says pushing Tito, who was still asking questions, farther from the door.

Before Mathew disappears, he looks at you with his big doe eyes already thanking you for going along such a stupid make-up excuse. You roll your eyes as you watch him mouth a quiet ‘Sorry’, flashing his ever so gorgeous smile before him and Tito finally went on their way.

𖥸

You’ve gotten used to how lazy Mat and Tito are during their off days. They would rather stay at home and play endless video games with each other than spending it with something less dumb than their stupid Xbox. Luckily, today wasn’t like those days because you happened to have your free day as well. You all agreed to spend the evening binging the entire Fast and Furious franchise.

The three of you were cramped on the cloud couch. To put it in simply, you were sandwiched between two huge hockey players. Your back was leaning on Tito’s strong shoulders as it was laying just above your head. The huge bowl of half-eaten popcorn safely sits in between your middle, hugged by your stomach and your curled up legs, your sock-covered feet brushing against Mat’s thighs innocently. Almost as innocent as how you ignore Mathew’s hands creeping underneath the thick wool covering your body.

Alarmed at how dangerously close Mat’s creeping palm was to your inner thigh, you shot him a warning look which was, as expected, answered by a defensive, and seemingly harmless “What?” look on his face. You roll your eyes, cautious as to not make any sharp movements for the benefit of Tito. You shift your position, angling your body away from Mathew and towards the direction of the screen instead. You let your body sink in your best friend’s shoulder, clueless that your movement had just given Mat the exact opening he was hoping for.

With wide eyes, you give Mat’s thigh a firm nudge as carefully as you can, “Are you being serious right now?” you mouthed. Mat stifles a smirk and moves his hand away, keeping it to himself. You try turning your attention back to the television but somehow, Mathew’s actions left your mind wondering what he was about to do next.

Gently, you stir back to your original position, propping yourself from leaning against Tito.

“Hey, could you please fill this up for me?” you ask him nicely. Thankfully, Anthony reaches out for the bowl without letting his eyes break off the screen. “Thanks, Beau.” you add the moment he starts walking towards the kitchen.

“Why’d you stop?” you cautiously whisper, asking Mathew who was surprised by your sudden inquiry.

“I thought you didn’t want me to.” he answers on the same level of your tone, putting his hand back on your shin. The warmth of his palm sends a familiar sensation down your region.

Looking back at the archway leading to the kitchen, you quietly tell him, “I asked if you’re being serious. I never said no.”

Your candidness was met by Mathew’s widening smile, incapable of stopping himself from biting his lower lip, finding your bluntness quite adorable. “Be quiet.” he mutters as he clears his throat, eyeing Tito who was just returning from the kitchen holding a bowl full of popcorn fresh from the microwave.

“Thank you.” you say the moment Anthony hands you the bowl. You scootch over, making you a lot closer to Mat. Tito places his arm back over the couch, allowing extra space for you. Once you got yourself in a position comfortable enough to last for the remaining half of the movie, your mind flies away, briefly forgetting the exchange you and Mathew just had.

It was not even a full minute when you feel Mat’s very much capable hand start creeping underneath the thick cloth again. You swallow a giant lump in your throat, your senses already heightened just by the mere contact of his rough and calloused hand on your skin.

You were wearing a pair of sweat shorts, the kind that were loose enough to let Mat maneuver his way deeper down your thighs so effortlessly. You steal quick glances towards his way but to no avail, Mat’s eyes were nowhere else other than the screen. His fingers, however, told quite a different story.

You did the exact thing as him and put your sole focus on the movie. The sound of Anthony’s breathing was a good reminder to not let anything slip off of you unconsciously, especially now that Mat’s long fingers were inching its way to the thin fabric covered by your night wear.

Mat begins to brush his middle finger over your delicates. You bury a part of your face underneath the thick cloth whilst your eyes are still pinned on the screen. The scene where Dom goes rogue plays and the light of the television flashes before your eyes.

You tried to listen to Tito when he tells you about that time you went to the movies to see the film, trying to space out from Mat’s finger drawing idle circles on the thin fabric of your underwear, easing you just right, evidently taking his time fondling in between your clothed lips.

When he feels your moistness on his skin, Mat sophisticatedly slides a finger in your underwear just so he could feel the wetness of your folds.

You on the one hand, keep your face hidden under the only light flashing from the screen. You manage to choke down your whimpers and instead lean your force towards the bowl you’re holding. However, you fail to stifle a gasp when Mat slides a finger inside you, making you stir just enough to stop your sudden movement from being unnoticed by Beauvillier.

“You okay?” he asks, a concerned tone embracing his voice. You meekly nod, saying that you were just too caught up watching the film. He then takes his attention back, pretty much like the grinning Mathew sitting on the other end.

You shoot a knowing look when you meet Mat’s irises. He casually plays it off just as he remains busy on his own, his fingers curling inside you with ease, pumping in and out at a slow pace, not wanting to let any of his movements show on the surface of your blanket. As Mat continues pleasuring you, you gather all your strength to stay still and calm your breathing. To no prevail however, knowing how good of a fucker Mat was, you knew you won’t be able to hold it in longer than you’re supposed to.

Your heart almost beats right out your chest when Anthony’s phone starts to ring. You prop yourself up, causing Mat’s finger to do just the same inside you. You shut your eyes at the feeling and chose to clear your throat.

Anthony takes his phone and looks at the two of you, “I need to take this. Just watch the movie without me.” he says, already standing to head for the balcony at the other side of the room. You sigh in relief, letting yourself fall back on where Tito used to sit, allowing more space for Mat’s miraculous fingers.

He adjusts his seat, cautiously looking back after Tito’s track just to make sure he was no longer near the two of you. He looks at you, attention faltering from the screen as he slides another finger inside you.

“Don’t make a sound. Stay still.” he orders, pumping his way in just as he glides his thumb to massage your clit. Your hand takes rest on your forehead, your eyes closed at every pleasure thrown your way, almost forgetting that you were holding a bowl full of finger food on your stomach. Mat must’ve caught on and ensured no unnecessary noises would make Anthony come back just yet when he takes the bowl off your middle to set it down the coffee table.

“Fucking hell, Mat.” you can’t help but moan, arching your back once you feel your arousal come close.

“Do it, y/n. Come on my fingers.” he growls in a low register, moving his way into hitting the spot at just the right speed, not wanting to prolong your misery any longer.

You reach for his hands, your grip on him tighter than ever. Mat feels you come around his finger, eyes pinned on your spent up state harder than it was when the two of you were still watching the movie. When he feels your pulsating core starts to die down, he slips his fingers out your slit, eventually taking it in his mouth to suck your far too addicting juices.

You fix yourself up, eyeing Tito who had just ended his call. Mat looks at you, quite proud of himself.

“At least your fingers make up for what that pretty mouth can’t.” you say with a taunting smirk before standing up to get yourself a glass of water just as Beau finally comes back from the balcony, leaving Mathew with his mouth slightly agape and without a doubt dumbfounded.

𖥸

It was an hour before midnight but the house was already asleep. The boys had to call the night early because of the morning practice they have first thing tomorrow. But you still had some energy left so you figured drawing yourself a calming bath would help soothe your mind and maybe even up the chances of having yourself a well-deserved good night’s sleep.

Now that you’re feeling better and getting ready for bed, your bathrobe hugs your body whilst you finish off your night routine so you could finally dip into the comfort of your sheets, the cream white duvet calling onto you as you picture yourself dozing off for the night.

The strides you were just making out of your bathroom were put into a stop by how your door sprung open wildly, revealing one troubled Mathew Barzal entering your room almost a little too carelessly.

“What the hell did you mean my mouth can’t?!” he questions at once, hissing. When he realizes the sudden rise in his voice, (which has also startled you in the process), Mathew immediately looks back just to make sure that Anthony was in his room, or far enough to hear. He shuts the door behind him before he finally turns his attention back to you.

“What the hell are you doing here?” you ask him, putting both your hands on your hips, your body covered by nothing else but a bathrobe.

“The thing you said back in the living room, my mouth can’t what? What the hell did that suppose to mean??” Mat roars like a child’s impending tantrum was about to come. You avert his gaze for a moment, scratching your temple. You couldn’t believe something you’ve said stuck to him. Not that he’d ever do anything about it. Something you most absolutely doubt.

“If you had to come here to ask me that, I’m pretty sure you already got what I meant.” you say, walking towards your bed as you get the bottle of your vanilla scented lotion from your bedside table.

“But all those times it looked like you were having a good time?” he speaks, voice in a lower register as if he was talking to himself all along.

“I was faking it Mat.” you finish off applying lotion on your legs, spreading the remaining on your hands. You met Mat’s gaze and saw that you might’ve tipped him off a little for there was a faint hurt in his eyes.

“You were faking it?” he repeats in a quiet voice.

“You’re still good in bed, buddy.” you assure him with a smile yet to no prevail, Mat didn’t seem to buy any of what you said thinking that it was just a decent effort to save his ego already plummeting to the pit of his own embarrassment.

“How many times have you been faking it?” he asks the moment he gathers his thoughts, his mind circling on the fact that all throughout this time he wasn’t able to get you off.

“You’ve only had the chance to do it twice. So… just those two.” you answer honestly.

Mathew, who was utterly clueless to what was going on didn’t know how to react to such bluntness. He tried to mutter a few words but he was speechless. All this time, he thought he was good at something he obviously wasn’t. And being told something as morally immobilizing as that shocks him to his very core. The horror of all the girls he’s slept with, walking out of his apartment unsatisfied befalls on him.

“You should’ve told me, otherwise this whole setup won’t make any sense, y/n. I thought you said we shouldn’t lie?” he questions, evidently disappointed in himself.

“Look,” you stop, tapping on the side of the bed to have a proper conversation. When Mat finally sits beside you, you continue, “I didn’t think it mattered. And no offense but we both know you’re such a sore loser. I didn’t know how you would react. And I definitely didn’t want to deal with any of the messy stuff just to feed your ego.”

“For your information, I’m a thick faced motherfucker, you should’ve known that by now. This thing between us is going to be complicated if you’ll tiptoe your way around it just to spare my feelings.” he says with certainty, a definitive tone accentuated by how intense he was now looking at your face, still glowing from your night care routine.

“Is there something I don’t do?” he adds, “Or is it something that I should stop doing?”

“Fine. If you really wanna talk about this I’ll tell you.” you angle yourself facing him and Mat does the same, “You’re not entirely bad. You do know your way around. It’s just that— you’re trying a little too hard and it gets really overwhelming at times. And mind you, it isn’t even the good kind,”

“Show me.” Mat cuts you before you could grab the chance to continue, stopping you mid sentence, causing you to stumble on a few words. “What?”

“I won’t leave this room knowing I can’t get you off.” he says, and just like that, Mathew meets your lips with an all too hungry mouth eager to make you come for him even if it takes having to have endless runs at it.

Your body achingly responds to every bit of Mathew’s kisses whilst you let him run the course. His touches are tantalizing, urging you to come near him. He takes you in his arms, one fondling on your robe to pull it free from your body, the other tugging lightly on your hair just as he begins to move his weight on top of you.

“Tell me what you want.” Mat breathes the moment he breaks away, his mouth now travelling down the skin where your shoulder meets your neck, leaving faint bites, nibbling on it just before he makes his way down to fondle on your breasts.

You answer him with a muffled moan when he takes your lips yet again. Mat’s irises unwaveringly gazes on your buck nakedness, your scent just enough to take over his senses. You feel the roughness of his hands graze all over your skin. Pinching on one of your buds just before it travels down your thighs, staying out of the place where he knew you needed him most. You feel him in every inch of your skin but there.

But just as you want him more, Mat purposely leaves it out of his hold. You begin to realize how much you must’ve underestimated what this forward could do. His hands were everything and you couldn’t even put into words how much you need him down there.

“Mat…” you call out his name, groaning. His featherlight touches flowed smoothly on your inner thigh, grazing just your lips but even that was more than enough to tell him how wet you already were for him.

He begins to leave wet kisses in between your breasts down to your stomach. Kisses that eventually made their way to your thighs as he inched his way to your core, the sloppy noise he makes sounds so beautiful in your ears. You look down on Mat trying to compose yourself under all the breathing he’s subtly passing your middle.

“What do you want?” Mat asks again, this time his doe eyes meeting yours, clouded with lust and desire. You buck your hips upward in an effort to meet his mouth but Mat was rather quick to put you back in your place when he cages your hips with his capable arm.

“Use your words, y/n.” he orders, one that has effortlessly made you oblige. You wanted to feel him more than anything else and if that meant submitting to Mat this time, you know full well you’d gladly break before him.

“I want you to get me off.” you surrender, signaling him to take the plunge. Once he did, you let out a whimper at his touch, almost forgetting that Mathew was probably doing this so he could eat out his future girl right.

“Don’t rush.” you breathed as you guided him, “Stay slow and steady.”

Mathew’s eyes never left yours even when you had to look away when you let your head fall back on your sheets with how well he was moving with everything you say.

“Mathew…” you moan, reaching for his hair to take him closer to your throbbing core, “Go on circles, please.”

Mat was obedient and followed your every command. Unlike the times he’s spent trying to pleasure you with his mouth, tonight was a time where he actually listened and gave you exactly what you wanted, exactly how you want it.

Mat didn’t have to do anything else for when he started to slip into your cunt and fuck you with his tongue, you going insane was more than enough to let him know that he was doing it right. He watched you fall before him, your chest heaving, your breathing rapid as if there wasn’t enough air for you to breathe. He entwines both his fingers atop your abdomen, the sound of you calling his name like a prayer doing all kinds of wonders on his end.

You meet his eyes yet again just to see that it never left. Mat looked at you darker than ever before and for once, you feel a firm tug in your stomach you just weren’t ready to acknowledge and care for. As he takes time with his final strokes, knowing that you were close, Mat pulls away, thinking about the one thing he knows will redeem himself.

“Turn around.” he orders with a grim voice. You were in dire need of an orgasm to even care about how he’s the one ordering you. You gladly oblige to his every whim and turned to your belly, your ass perked up so perfectly for him.

He lets your robe fall just above your back, revealing more of your skin for him to enjoy. He takes no second to waste and kneels before your already swollen pussy. Needy and very much heated for him.

Mat’s hands spread your cheeks before he takes you in his mouth once again, letting himself drown in your juices glinting under his all too heavy gaze.

“Oh, god.” you whine, feeling Mat’s grin behind you as you dig into your sheets while your legs begin to shake at your incoming orgasm. “Mat, please.” you call out in a whimper, pushing your ass back further his face.

Mat gladly takes the challenge but maintains at the pace you wanted. As he feels your pussy flutter in his mouth, he deepens it into yours to finally pour you with nothing else but ecstasy and ecstasy alone.

His face was filled with nothing but your juices once he pulled away, leaving you breathless and still caught up on meeting your high. He stands, a hand gripping on one of your cheeks whilst he admires the art that is: your all too spent pussy.

“Next time you lie, you won’t get to fake it at all.” he warns with a firm yet definitive voice masked as a taunting remark.

Mat looks at your still throbbing pussy, eyes lustful and dark. As much as he craved for the inkling fire resting in his loins, it was already past midnight and he had self-discipline stronger than anyone else’s. He couldn’t afford any more scolding from Anders the next morning.

So, even when he wanted nothing but to fuck you right then and there, he lets his hand send a message he certainly wants you to remember instead. One that has left a faint yet stinging mark on your skin. Your legs were practically still wobbling when he finally leaves for the door, this time fueled with the purpose of being the one leaving you dumbfounded in your own post-orgasm shame.

Perhaps, even wanting and more.

#mat barzal #mat barzal imagine #mat barzal fanfiction #mat barzal fic #mat barzal smut #nhl smut #hockey imagine #nhl imagine #hockey smut #letters to barzy #barzzal imagines

482 notes · View notes

wristpockets · 3 years

Note

Can I throw some prompts at you? All fluffy but with potential for Deep Emotional Talks™ if that's what you're after. Anyway: 1. Essek and jester trying to cook/ bake for the first time (two rich kids who have never been in a kitchen while food has been made) lots of potential for comedy but also ways to explore the differences and similarities in their childhoods?? 2. Caleb and Essek teaching each other dances from their homelands, (I feel like Essek probably had to learn formal dances in his youth and absolutely despised them until he realized that dancing with someone you actually like can be fun) Anyhow, happy writing!

Thanks for the suggestions! Going with the first one!

(If anyone else has any fic prompts/ideas/requests feel free to send them my way!)

This kind of got away from me 😅 Ended up a lot longer than expected. Not going to spend too much time proofreading or editing bc this was supposed to be fun. Anyway

Essek is leaning over the railing on the Nein Heroez, a glass of wine in his hand. He can hear the party going on behind him - the rest of the Nein get together every month for dinner - but he needed to get away for a moment. He watches the moonlight reflect off the waves as he swirls the wine in his glass.

He doesn't notice Jester until she's right next to him.

"What's wrong, Essek?" she asks, her voice laden with sincerity and sympathy.

He sighs, takes a long sip of his wine, and says, "I feel inadequate."

"Oh no Essek," Jester says. She moves closer, until she can bump her hip against his. "You're so powerful. And!" She lowers her voice conspiratorially, "I saw the way you floated in Cognouza. You were faster than Caleb, which I think means you're even smarter than he is."

Essek actually smiles at that. Lets out a little laugh. "You're not wrong. But I'm not concerned with my power or intelligence."

"Then how do you think you're inadequate? In what way? Is it-" Jester cuts herself off, looking over at him while wiggling her eyebrows.

"No," he says quickly, his ears heating up. "Everyone else is so..." He looks for the word and comes up blank. "Caleb and I see Beauregard and Yasha for dinner quite often. Yasha will have freshly baked bread, or even cake. Beauregard works all day, and Yasha stays home and cooks."

"I think she's happy though," Jester says.

"I think so too," Essek says quickly. "Caleb works all day too, and I stay home and do nothing." He lets out a little laugh. "I cannot believe this is my problem. Feeling bad that I cannot cook dinner while my - while Caleb is working."

Jester's eyes light up. "Okay," she says. "Okay okay. For our next get together, we're making dessert. Me and you."

Beauregard and Yasha are hosting the next meetup. Essek had collected Jester, Fjord and Kingsley early that morning, to give Jester and Essek time to make dessert.

They sent Caleb and Fjord out of the house and set to work in Caleb's kitchen.

But when Essek takes the third batch of cupcakes out of the oven - burned on the outside, somehow raw inside - he's ready to give up.

"I don't understand what I'm doing wrong," Essek says quietly. He floats there, uselessly, staring at another failed attempt at a fairly simple baked good. "Is this how you normally make them?"

"Hmm?" Jester says, looking over at him. She dips her finger into the frosting she'd been working on. "I've never made cupcakes before."

Essek turns toward her. "What? You've never-"

"Nope," Jester says, matter-of-factly. She puts the icing-covered finger in her mouth, tasting the frosting, before scrunching up her nose. "This is awful."

Essek deflates a little. "So we are currently lacking both edible cupcakes and edible icing."

Even Jester's smile falls. "I'm sorry, Essek."

"It's not your fault," Essek says. "We still have some ingredients - what do you know how to make? What could we make quickly that's simpler?"

Jester looks down at the floor. "I don't know."

"Anything," Essek pleads. "Anything you've baked successfully-"

"I've never baked anything," Jester admits quietly.

"Oh," Essek says.

"Yeah."

Jester turns so her back is to the counter, then slides down, sitting on the floor. "I know how you feel. I feel like I should know how to do this."

Essek floats over, then sits down next to her. He can't bear the look on her face. "Two powerful adventurers, brought low by mere cupcakes," he jokes.

"I wanted to do this," Jester says, still quiet. "I wanted to bake something for everyone, something delicious! Something everyone would eat and say, 'oh Jester, your baking is so delicious,' and then maybe I'm not just the girl who draws dicks on things."

"You're a lot more than that," Essek tries.

Jester nods. "I know. I just feel bad."

"I feel that way too," Essek says. "All this power and knowledge and ability - for what? What good is it doing me here, now? And I know it's not an either-or thing. Caleb cooks. Even Beauregard does sometimes. I've never so much as fried an egg."

"Neither have I," Jester admits. "When I lived at home..."

"I understand," Essek says, and he knows he does.

"It's just embarrassing," Jester says.

"Yes," Essek agrees.

They sit like that for a moment, until they hear the front door open.

"Essek? Jester?" Caleb calls from the entryway. "Am I allowed in the kitchen yet?"

"Not yet!" Jester yells. "Almost done! Fifteen minutes!"

Essek looks at her in shock, and she just shrugs her shoulders.

"I do not possess the arcane ability to create cupcakes," Essek says blankly. "And I am unsure of how else we might make a dessert in that time."

"I panicked," Jester says apologetically. "Maybe some of the cupcakes aren't so bad-"

"They are," Essek says as Jester leans over batch number two, tearing off a piece of cupcake and trying it cautiously. After a few bites she scrunches her nose, then spits it out into the garbage.

"It looked good," Jester pouts. "I can't believe cupcakes would lie to me."

Something connects and Essek can feel his eyes widen. "I have an idea."

Several hours later, Jester and Essek are ready to present their cupcakes to the rest of the Nein. At the very least, they look nice - frosting is apparently close enough to painting for Jester to have some skill at it.

"These look delicious," Caleb says, smiling up at Essek. The compliment in front of their friends makes Essek's cheeks heat up, and he's grateful his complexion doesn't let it show.

"I might need to get some pointers from you," Yasha says as she carefully peels off the cupcake wrapper. "I wish I could frost like this."

"Don't eat that!" Beau shouts, quickly leaning over to slap it out of her hand.

Everyone stops to stare at Beauregard, Yasha's mouth still open, the cupcake discarded on the floor.

"What's wrong, Beauregard?" Essek asks nervously.

"They've been tampered with," she says. She picks up Yasha's dinner plate. "These plates are enchanted. They change colour if any of the food on it is fucked with. A few crumbs fell off of it." She points to a few speckles of bright purple on the plate. "I watched the plate react to the crumbs."

"Tampered with?" Fjord asks. "Tampered how?"

"I don't fucking know, man," Beau says. "It doesn't like, tell me."

"Um," Essek says carefully. "Would a magical alteration to the dish set off that reaction?"

"I should fucking hope so," Beau says, "since that's the whole point."

"In that case," Essek says, shooting Jester a worried look, "then yes, they were tampered with. But they will not harm you."

"Essek," Caleb says, looking at him worriedly.

"It's just prestidigitation," Essek says hurriedly. "We used it to flavour the cupcakes and the frosting." He takes a bite of his own cupcake. "See? They're safe."

"But why?" Veth asks. "Surely it can't be any worse than that fish stew Fjord made us all eat last time."

Essek looks at Jester again, who looks resigned. He waves his hand, dismissing the spell. "See for yourself."

Caleb is the first one that takes Essek up on that, tearing off a piece with his fingers and tasting it. Essek can see Caleb trying very hard to keep his expression neutral. He eventually - with some difficulty - swallows the bite of cupcake. "Ja," he says, eventually. "It's not that bad." He offers Essek a warm smile.

"Well that's obviously a lie," Veth says, pushing her plate a few inches away from her.

"Sorry guys," Jester says. She's looking down at the table and looks absolutely lost. "We just wanted to make something nice."

"Have either of you ever baked anything, ever?" Veth asks, picking up a tiny piece of the cupcake and trying it. "This is awful. I love you Jessie, but who taught you to bake?"

Jester looks too crestfallen to answer. "Both of us are, ah, new to this," Essek admits instead.

"Maybe cooking lessons are in order," Fjord says. "I used to cook on the ship, back when I was getting started. I could show you a few things, Jester."

Jester nods, still looking down at the table.

"And I could teach you," Caleb says to Essek.

"That would be appreciated," Essek says.

"Okay," Jester says. She sighs, then looks up at everyone. Forces a smile. "Okay. Me and Essek are going to learn how to cook, and then we'll make something for next time."

"Maybe not cupcakes," Beau says.

"Maybe nothing for anyone who complains about my baking again," Jester retorts.

"There are some desserts from Rosohna I'd like to recreate, if possible," Essek says. "If I can find a recipe."

"That sounds nice," Caduceus says.

"I am not much for sweets, but I do like some of the ones in Rosohna," he continues. "They're, ah, made with cinnamon. I don't think they do that here in the Empire."

"They don't!" Jester almost yells, smiling. "I know! It's crazy!"

#essek thelyss #jester lavorre #shadowgast #i guess?

55 notes · View notes

shmaptainwrites · 3 years

Note

Ok so im a bubbly person and I laugh a lot I laugh at pretty much anything. I was wondering if you could do steve x female reader oneshot where steve cracks jokes or does things just to make y/n laugh, because he loves to hear her laugh. If that's not to much to ask because I'm in my soft feels please and thank you

yeah i could do a little blurb for this :) super cute prompt 😫

Steve loved a lot of things; he loved sitting by the ocean, his mom’s grilled cheese sandwiches, watching nature documentaries narrated by David Attenborough, but something Steve loved more than anything was the sound of your laugh.

He’d never tell you how much he loved it, no, he’d spontaneously combust before that happened.

But that didn't stop him from doing everything in his power to hear it.

Little did you know when he'd say,

"Hey (N/N), I have a joke here for you,"

All he wanted was to make sure he'd hear that gorgeous sound.

"Alright Steve what is it this time?" you asked, sitting down across from him and you could already hear him chuckling underneath his breath as he looked on his phone.

"My friend thinks he's smart. He told me an onion is the only food that can make you cry, so I threw a coconut in his face,"

You snorted, almost spitting out your tea, not expecting that turn and such a quick punchline to the joke.

"Steve," you wheezed, placing your mug on the table so you didn't spill your drink. Placing a hand on his shoulder, trying to catch your breath from laughing. "Oh God that caught me off guard,"

"It was a good one wasn't it?" he chuckled.

"Yeah a really good one."

You weren't aware that whenever he'd ask to watch comedies with you, or even the stupidest videos on YouTube, or these things you'd told him were called Vine compilations it was all just to hear you laugh.

Soon you started to just relate being in Steve's presence with that warm and fuzzy feeling you got when you were happy, because that's all he seemed to want to make you feel, happy.

So one day you decided you wanted to repay the favour.

"Steve, I think I've got something for you," you said.

"Really? Paperwork?" he asked, assuming it was work related.

"No, a joke," you grinned.

"Oh really?" he smiled, leaning forward on the kitchen table. "Alright, show me what you've got darlin',"

"Okay, wanna hear a funny joke from the 1930s?" you asked with a cheekily raised brow.

"Sure as hell," he nodded.

"The Maginot Line," you said simply, pursing your lips, hoping he would make the connection.

And for the first time you really paid attention to the sound of his laugh, often to engrossed in your own happiness to admire the deep baritone sound, but you loved every second of it and for a minute you wondered if maybe this was why Steve told you all these jokes, watched all these things with you.

Did he like your laugh as much as you liked his?

"Hey Steve," you smiled, still taking in that wondeful sound.

"Yeah (N/N)," he nodded. "That was a good one,"

"I thought so too," you chewed your lip. "Hey do you... Okay this is a weird question, but do you like making me happy?"

"Of course," Steve nodded without hesitation.

"Well then why don't I give you a hand," you suggested coming closer to him. "It'd make me ecstatic if you kissed me,"

"Well then I have to do it don't I," he responded with a very appreciated bit of cheek.

"Oh yes, of course," you nodded vehemently, wrapping your arms around his neck.

He leaned down carefully, pressing his lips to yours, a helpless chuckle escaping your lips, but he didn't mind. It was his favourite sound afterall.

121 notes · View notes

adultswim2021 · 2 years

Text

Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! #3: “Cats” | February 25, 2007 - 11:45PM | S01E03

We start this one with a little ad for a restaurant called Gravy Robbers, an inane family dining restaurant where the gimmick is that their very dry meat will always require gravy, and during your meal you will have to occasionally defend yourself from a “gravy robber” who comes to your table to rob said gravy. This was a holdover idea from Tom Goes to the Mayor that was previously unused. Indeed, dumb theme restaurants was very much in the Tom Goes wheel house.

Later we see snippets of a Gravy Robbers training video, featuring Tairy Greene portrayed by Zach Galifianakis. He’s so funny. Goodness. One of the few comedy people that I feel like hasn’t let me down, EVER. I like when he says gravy “grah-vee”. Eventually we get to see bloopers which is such a funny, self-indulgent thing for an instructional video to do, gosh. Zach intoning “these are traaaaained military veterans” over and over just makes me so happy, because I’m choosing to interpret this as anti-troop. And who could forget his longform Shelly Berman-esque phone bit where he reacts to his friend’s niece being murdered as if he were being told about a friend winning the lottery.

The host stuff for this is: Tim has learned a magic trick where he can turn himself into an orange little kitty cat. Tim, however, finds it hard to turn himself back, and panic sets in. Eric eventually gives the cat away, before wistfully dreaming about better times he and Tim had playing around in a park. The smug way Tim drinks but then spits out the water fountain water is so funny, and the push in on Eric’s face, as if he’s saying to himself “I was always remember this and cherish this moment”. So funny. Tim comes back from cat-transformation at the moment that Eric is dropping him off to his forever home. He is nude, and the way he moans is so weird and funny. I love it so much. Behind-the-scenes note, Eric stated on the DVD commentary that they trained cat they got for the shoot was wonderful, except it smelled like shit.

The first of the Kidz Break bits is in this one, and this might be the best one of all. “I Sit Down When I Pee” is a spirited rap whose aim is to de-stigmatize the act of sitting down to pee when you’re a boy. The song is very funny, and its purpose is murky. Is this an educational video? Infotainment? Could it simply be a hit song? The end throws up a caption reading “Paid for by Voter Initiative Prop 216” which raises more questions than answers (and this might be one of my favorite jokes of all time!). This is an absolute all-timer.

There’s a shot-on-the-street segment where Tim offers free portraits for tourists walking around Hollywood. Pranky stuff like this would sorta fade out of the show, if I remember correctly. Tim does a bad job drawing and acts like a very weird guy. He also says things that don’t inspire confidence like: “you only have one mouth so I’ll just do one mouth”. A uh, borderline character if you know what I mean. Tim has some borderliners on this show for sure.

There’s the tender prime time drama “Kitty Cat Man”, where two big bros hug Michael Cera for fucking hours, and then he turns into a kitty cat just like Tim did. I wonder if this is actually intended to be a TV movie based on Tim’s real-life predicament. I guess it’s not a bad thing to have two sketches in the show that are basically the same. I like it! Hey dude, funny’s funny!

Speaking of that other sketch, the way it actually ends is Tim shows Eric how to make his legs very long. This is accomplished by having Tim & Eric act on a green screen and inserted into a cartoon land with cartoon legs. They stomp around with their new long legs, oblivious to the carnage they are creating below the clouds, where they are just crushing people up. Rude way to get laughs, but the moon approves so I do not know what to think.

Another pretty great episode. I love the Tim & Eric program.

MAIL BAG

I have so many Mail Bags, OH MY GOD

Here's a new mail for the mailbag hot off the press: Tim and Eric are GAY for EACH OTHER. Print it and ship it. Goodbye!

b-dog bites the big one:

(muttering under my breath to a shrill techno dance beat) a-fuckin podcast. a-fucking podcast. a-fucking podcast.

Wouldn’t wanna meet potty mouths like this in a dark alley, I might gets sweared on!

I was hoping you'd say G4 because videogames are super cool 8-)

I never watched that shit it was too bad. And video games are bad. Sometimes they had people affiliated with Playboy on there, and even that would not get me to watch it.

My wife was so obsessed with That's My Bush that she met the guy who plays That's My Bush and got him to fuck her. He was married. She was dating me. But that's our man.

Thank you for a rare sexual Mail Bag... illuminating as usual! It is good to know that true love prevails

I was on an episode of Jonah Ray's Bar-B-Quay and he cooked pizza and burgers on the grill for everyone on the set for like two hours after filming wrapped. Nice guy. He even took selfies with his then new Samsung Propel. Unfortunately, Har Mar Superstar was there and that guys apparently a rapist. Otherwise a great night.

Har Mar Superstore may have gotten the last laugh, but I’m glad you had a fun night. If there were any girls there let me know. I love hearing about girls

#adult swim #adultswim2021 #tim and eric awesome show great job

4 notes · View notes

cowboy-like-mee · 4 years

Text

a soulmate who wasn’t meant to be

summary: y/n deals with the aftermath of harry leaving her

warnings: angst af!!!! possible ED tw

word count: 2k

a/n: i was really sad so i started writing this to try to relieve some of the emotions built up in my body :))))))

this is based off the song “a soulmate who wasn’t meant to be” by jess benko. lyrics are spread throughout this in bold and italics so hopefully it isn’t too confusing!!

masterlist

Nothing hurts more than pretending like everything’s okay, when you’re falling apart on the inside. When you want nothing more than to be with your love. Hold him in your arms and give him little kisses whenever you want. Dance around the kitchen and sing songs from your youth.

Harry. Beautiful Harry. Your boy.

He’s not yours anymore. You have to remind yourself.

You’re miserable without him, but he’s better without you. The pain of being with you was much greater than the thought of leaving you.

So he left.

You’ll never forgive yourself.

Everyday seems to get worse. The days blend together.

You fall asleep, not sleeping well. You wake up, regretfully, tired from another restless night. The day drags on, never seeming to end. You walk around like a zombie. Daydreaming about going home to the love of your life, instead going home to an empty apartment and an empty fridge.

You can’t bring yourself to eat. You can’t bring yourself to even try to watch TV. You go straight to bed and stare at the ceiling till you eventually fall asleep. And then it repeats. And repeats. Again and again and again.

You can’t even remember what day it is. You don’t know if you’re supposed to go to work or if you’re off. You wake up anyway. Anything to distract yourself from the never ending cycle of numbness and loneliness. Self loathing and empty stomachs. The nagging feeling in the back of your mind telling you things could have been different.

Maybe if you had done things a little different. Maybe if you had smiled a little more. Laughed at a few more of his jokes or hugged him a little bit tighter. Maybe if you had started accepting his offer to go on walks with him. Or watched a few more movies with him.

If you could go back you would never say no to anything he requested.

You would gladly sit through any of the god awful romantic comedies he’s obsessed with. Or drink the terrible black coffee he has every morning.

But no. Things change and people change. You drifted apart. You’ll never have him again. The giggles and late night love making. Him singing you to sleep or washing each other’s hair in the shower.

Sobs wrack your body for the first time in months. You hadn’t cried like this since the day he left. The memories seep back into your conscious, haunting you.

His bright green eyes flash behind your eyelids. His voice is ringing through your ears. You can feel his lips on your neck and his hands wrapped around your body.

You stand up, shaking your head and pulling at the roots of your hair. Trying to rip the memories straight out of your brain. You’ve never felt this kind of pain. Pure anguish. The reality finally setting in that he’s gone.

He had finally had enough of you. What he once loved and adored, he loathed.

He was far too gone once you realized. You were far too selfish to realize the man you love was slowly falling out of love with you.

“Y/N?” He had called your name gently.

“Hm?” You hummed, not looking up from your phone where you had been texting your friend for the last half an hour.

He took a deep breath, trying not to snap. “Can we talk?”

This got your attention. You looked up, brows furrowed, and set your phone down on the couch. “What?”

“I-I...I think we should take a break.

Your heart dropped to your stomach.

“Wh-what?” You whispered, feeling tear prick your eyes.

“I...want to take a break from each other.”

You stared at the man sitting in front of you. You noticed how different he looked from the man you fell in love with. He looked sad. He looked exhausted. You didn’t know at the time it was because of you. You thought maybe he was having a rough time with himself. But now it’s crystal clear.

You changed. You weren’t the same woman he fell in love with. You two barely went on dates. You hadn’t had sex in months. You two hadn’t even been going to bed together. You would always go to bed first. He would sit in the living room, crying over his broken relationship. He would eventually crawl into bed, laying as far from you as possible. You hadn’t even noticed, being too caught up in your own life, not noticing your boyfriend slowly crumbling apart in front of your eyes.

So you agreed. You agreed to take a break from each other for two months. You wouldn’t date anybody or sleep with anyone, but you two had to stay apart from each other. It was easier for him than he hoped. He felt like he had freedom. He felt like he could breathe finally, not suffocating in his own home.

You had a different experience. You never realized how much you relied on him. The dishes piled up and your laundry was never washed. The fridge never got full of groceries at the beginning of the week. You had no one to cook you dinner or ask how you looked in a certain outfit. You missed him.

The two months was almost over and you had already planned out everything you were going to say. Your apology and your speech on how much you appreciated and loved him. You knew you fucked up and you knew you had to own up to your mistakes. Your negligence to him.

And then you got the call.

Stranger, that's all I see

The piercing sound of your phone ringing cut through the silence of the apartment. You jumped in your spot on the couch, where you were folding your clothes.

When I look into your eyes

Harry’s contact flashed across the screen. You didn't know if you should feel relieved or terrified. Did he finally have enough of this break and was ready to come running into your open arms?

You hesitantly slid across the bottom of the screen to answer.

“Harry?”

He cleared his throat. “Hey, Y/N.”

“Hey, I’ve missed you so much, Harry.”

He winced at the sentence, his eyes already beginning to water and his throat feeling tight. “Listen, Y/N. I have something to tell you.”

A soulmate who wasn't meant to be

Your heart stops beating at the tone of his voice. “Okay...”

You heard his breathing over the line for a few heartbeats before he finally spit it out, “I’m moving back home.”

Your heart leaped put of your chest. “Harry! I’m so happy. I can’t wait to see you. I’ve reorganized a lot of our place. I’ve had a lot of free time-”

“No, Y/N. I’m moving back to England.” He cut you off.

Your mouth hung open. A lump immediately formed in your throat. You attempted to swallow it down. “Oh.” You let out shakily, trying to hide the sound of the trembling in your voice.

“Yeah.”

You both sat in silence for a minute, not knowing what to say.

“So, when are you coming back?”

He tried to refrain from rolling his eyes. You were always so stubborn, and that was one of the things he used to love about you.

He sighed loudly, “I’m not coming back.”

“Are-are you breaking up with me, H?”

He squeezed his eye shut and shook his head. No matter how bad you are for him, he still loved you, and it still fucking hurts to do this.

“Yes, Y/N. I’m breaking up with you.” He said as steadily as he could manage.

Stranger, who knows all my secrets

You covered your mouth with your hand to stifle the cries leaving your body. “I can’t believe you’re breaking up with me over the phone!” You yelled into the phone, unable to control your emotions any longer.

“We haven’t seen each other in months, Y/N! You should’ve known this was gonna happen eventually!”

“I thought this break was supposed to make us come out stronger, not tear us apart!”

“We’ve been torn apart for a lot longer than you think.”

You didn’t know how to reply. He was right. You just never realized it. He had been feeling this way for a long time. This was inevitable.

“I’m so sorry, Harry. This is all my fault. I love you so much. You’re the only thing that holds me together. I know I fucked up and I ruined our relationship and everything good we had. Please, please, please, don’t do this. I'll do anything for another chance. We can take it slow. Anything. I can’t lose you, baby. You’re the love of my life. My light.”

He shakes his head and blinks away the tear threatening to spill over. “Y/N, no. I can’t keep doing this. We haven't been good for a long time. I‘m broken. I can’t keep going in circles. I need time for myself. We’ll find other people. I love you and I’ll always love you, but I can’t be with you anymore.”

You cried harder at his words. Nothing hurts more than knowing he’s leaving because you hurt him so bad. He still loves you.

The thought of Harry loving anyone else fucking hurts. The thought of him kissing another person and giving them the secret touches you used to share. You’re breathing is shallow and quick, sobs wracking your body.

“H, please. I-I can’t-”

“Goodbye, Y/N. Maybe one day in the future we can talk again, but I have to go. You’ll be okay.” He hung up.

Can pull me apart and break my heart

You immediately tried to call him back, ready to plead with him to try again with you.

The call didn’t go through. He blocked your number. You threw your phone across the room, hearing the glass shatter as it hit the wall then the ground. You dropped to the ground, loud cried of misery leaving your body.

It went on like this for days, weeks. You eventually had nothing left to cry. Your mind going numb. Everything reminded you of him. His smell lingering in your once shared apartment. The stuff he ever bothered picking up still sitting around your apartment. Even looking at yourself in the mirror reminds you of him. The way he would compliment very feature on your face, making you develop the confidence he had instilled in you.

All of that leads to now.

The empty apartment and the grumbling stomach. You can’t remember the last time you had a proper meal. Nothing wanting to stay down.

So there you sit. In your empty home. Surrounded by long lost memories of the love you once shared with Harry. Your heart shattered into a million pieces. Feeling uncapable of ever loving again. Thinking of your lost love, thousands of miles away. Missing a piece of your soul, never to be replaced again.

But you’ll be okay. He said you would be.

A soulmate who wasn't meant to be

pt 2

#harry styles blurb #harry styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles fic rec #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles angst

452 notes · View notes

arhvste · 4 years

Text

❝atsumu, kuroo, tsukishima and bokuto playing acnh ❞

miya atsumu

→ first he called the game dumb but he eventually gave in because everyone and their aunts were playing it and he didn’t wanna be left out

→ mf tries so hard for raymond at first

→ he insists it’s just because he can sell him for a lot

→ he really just wants raymond because he lowkey reminds him of osamu

→ anyways this fool doesn’t get raymond but ya know who he does get?

→ pedro

→ atsumu was ✨disgusted✨

→ “a clown?! a fukn clown?! yer jokin me!”

→ “aw don’t cry he fits in so well on your island 😹”

→ “sHUT YER TRAP 😠😠😠”

→ he hated pedro at first and for what?

→ eventually he starts vibing with him though

→ he decides that perhaps... pedro isn’t a bad guy after all

→ so atsumu develops a soft spot for him and begins to favour him over the rest of his mediocre villagers whose names he can’t be bothered to remember

→ ya know whose name he can remeber though?

→ BELLA 😡😠😡😠😡😡😠

→ the name that sparks rage in him

→ atsumu hits his villagers with his net shouting “nice cut g!” as a joke

→ with bella he’s not joking 😐

→ he hits her repeatedly and grins maliciously when she gets angry eventually

→ LOVES shoving her into pitfalls for absolutely no reason

→ cusses her out under his breath

→ writes hate mail to her only to get fustrated when she sends a nice reply about the flowers she saw the other day that reminded her of him

→ honestly bella girl it ain’t worth it, pack your bags and get outta there sis 😔

→ he wants her to get tf off his island because he doesn’t like her but he also kinda wants her to stay because he loves annoying her and making her angry

→ literally goes out of his way to buy the ugliest clothes for her to wear

→ he also has all his villagers address him as “big dick man”

→ pedro is special though 😳

→ pedro is the chosen one who gets to call him “tsumu”

→ JUST PEDRO 😤😾😡

→ literally thinks it’s the funniest thing when his villagers say “hey big dick man! the weather sure is great today isn’t it!”

→ you can hear his cackling from down the hall

→ thinks it’s the peak of comedy

→ oh and you’re not allowed to visit his island on a saturday

→ saturdays are “for the boys”

→ and by that he means he’s just going to buy a ton of matching clothes for him and pedro and talk to him all day until he eventually annoys pedro by accident to which he genuinely gets upset about

→ he doesn’t really bother with the fishing tourneys or bug offs

→ does catch a few though just to make sure he beats bella earns nook miles

→ pretty average island, not too much effort put into it yet

→ atsumu prefers channeling his energy and game time into bullying bella interacting with his villagers

kuroo tetsurō

→ bangs. it. tf. out.

→ literally acts like he doesn’t care about the game but has 395+ hours game time

→ uses the excuse it’s to play with kenma but kuroo actually got into it before kenma had the chance to look at it properly

→ fishing tourney KING

→ has multiple gold trophy’s and built a whole extension just to show them off

→ also treats all his villagers equally

→ he was a bit picky and only wanted cats and dogs on his island though

→ if you’re anything but a cat or a dog, i’m sorry but kuroo will timeskip you tf off of his island

→ has a soft spot for lucky but doesn’t admit it

→ he likes to come across as a “fair dictator of the island”

→ just admit luckys your fav and go oh my god

→ his house is really nice too

→ pretty much paid off all his debt and is financially responsible 😼

→ he will send you money over a few times a week because he claims he’s a good boyfie virtually and realistically

→ LOVES opening the letters from ‘mom’

→ it’s a small detail in the game but it brings kuroo comfort when he opens the letters and sometimes receives gifts from his virtual ‘mom’ 🥺

→ keeps all the letters from her because that’s what he would do if his real mom ever wrote to him

→ he’s a shameless timeskipper

→ “tetsu?? where tf did you get all this the games only been out a week??”

→ “👁👁 idk what you’re talking about baby”

→ the thing that annoys him the most are the fossils

→ HATES the stupid little marks in the ground that appear every day

→ also HATES talking to blathers

→ “spit it out already! i have places to be and villagers to see!”

→ completely ignores blathers’ real name and refers to him as ‘bokuto’

→ because he’s an owl duh

→ and bokuto also talks a lot

→ you thought it was a cute friendship thing at first but took it back when you heard him muttering under his breath

→ “oh my god just analyse the fossils already you himbo bird!”

→ “did you just call blathers a himbo? 😳”

→ “...no? 😳👀”

→ all in all, kuroo’s pretty good at the game

→ you like visiting his island because he has a ton of extra stuff he just gives you

→ “i never want to hear you call me a bad boyfriend again 😐”

→ “okay fine...but oNLY if you give me an ironwood dresser 😏”

tsukishima kei

→ another one who bangs it out

→ doesn’t really care when you point it out though

→ “you’re just jealous your islands a dumping ground compared to mine 🥱”

→ “k-kei 😔”

→ also sprints near where you’re fishing to scare the fish off and be spiteful 💀

→ little shit KNOWS you only need oranges to complete all the fruits on your island

→ he also knows you’re out of nook miles tickets

→ “aw that’s a shame, maybe if you were a bit better at the game you’d find them quicker but good luck! 😀”

→ oranges are his native fruit 😐😑😐

→ eventually he gives you them because you’re relentless and his patience runs thin after a while

→ good at the bug offs

→ pretty good at scorpion/tarantula hunting too

→ convinced spike is in love with him after the amount of scorpions and tarantulas he’s donated to him

→ his fossil exhibition in the museum is completed already

→ when blathers tells him the facts about the dinosaurs he just rolls his eyes

→ “i knew that already you stupid bird 🙄”

→ why’s everyone bullying blathers damn 😿

→ now, he likes henry

→ one of the few villagers he doesn’t bully

→ tsukki doesnt particularly care for majority of his villagers

→ henry has a special place in his heart though

→ maybe it’s because henry isn’t overly perky or he isn’t rude like the cranky villagers which tsukishima doesn’t like

→ henry is just??? so??? nice????

→ he can’t hate him

→ all his villagers have catchphrases that are dumb af

→ tsukki thought he was being clever when he made them but he just looks mean when other people talk to his villagers

→ “good morning i am useless! i love your outfit!”

→ henry gets to call him tsukki though

→ only because he figured out that henry reminds him of yamaguchi

→ that’s the only reason henry’s the exception to his bullying

→ i feel like tsukki has a pretty nice house too

→ he makes a lot of bells from selling scorpions and tarantulas and spare fossils he’s dug up

→ doesn’t really care about the size but has very detailed rooms

→ like all the furniture in his rooms follow a scheme

→ mf never opens his mailbox

→ doesn’t care for what the other “peasants have to say for themselves”

→ terraforming isn’t really his thing tbh

→ doesn’t like how slow the process and be and kinda likes the natural flat land

→ he likes laying down paths though

→ cusses villagers out when they get in the way though

→ full on shoves them and will keep shoving them until they get annoyed just because they’ve annoyed him

→ tsukki doesnt put as much time into the game as kuroo but his island is still pretty good and aesthetically pleasing

→ he just won’t help you make yours look like that 💀

bokuto koutarō

→ weeds. everywhere.

→ get so confused when he’s told he has to pick them all

→ “really? why can’t i just let them grow though i kinda like them 🤩”

→ mf ✨struggles✨ at the first stages

→ “y/n, you know i love you, please give me 30 iron nuggets 🥺💖💞💗”

→ ofc you give them to him because you’re well ahead in the game and don’t need them as much as he does

→ praises you like royalty but then he’s back to begging for materials from you 💀

→ doesn’t pay his debts

→ you’re gonna have to help him out here

→ doesn’t like the idea of having to constantly pay them off

→ like?? he doesn’t want a bigger house so why is this damn raccoon always bothering him to upgrade like leave him and his 2 room house alone 😠

→ has a the same camp bed and lamp from when he first moved out the tent 💀

→ insists he doesn’t need another one because the furniture all functions the same

→ he has a point tbf but his house just isn’t aesthetically pleasing

→ he also hoards stuff

→ common butterfly? yeah bokuto has 37 sitting in his storage

→ doesn’t like letting the bugs go because he “caught them fair and square”

→ you show him how to pay his debts back and then he dedicates a whole room to his stupid bugs 💀

→ loves blathers and celeste just because they’re owls

→ doesn’t care about what they’re wittering on about he loves interacting with them just because they’re the only owls in the game 😐

→ his favourite villager is kid cat

→ literally follows him around and sprints circles around him

→ l o v e s the chaos outside the town hall

→ 2 of his villagers are singing, 3 are running around and 1 is just watching like 🧍🏻‍♀️

→ HYPES his singing villagers tf up

→ “yeah get it bianca! turn it up!!! 🥳🥳”

→ has to match his villagers clothes at least once a week

→ also makes them all refer to him as “the best ace”

→ it boosts his ego a little more each time they say it

→ bokuto actually got raymond out of luck but had no idea who tf he was and just how popular he was

→ lets that mf go without advertising that raymond’s in boxes

→ atsumu screeches when he finds this out eventually

→ bokuto doesn’t care what his villagers look like everyone’s welcome

→ bella should move to bokuto’s island and move from atsumu’s because bokuto will accept her with open arms rather than a net to the head everytime he sees her 😿

→ ALWAYS remembers birthdays for his villagers

→ and always shows up to their birthday parties insisting he’s the life of the party and they’d be bored without him 😹

→ which is true to a certain degree cause the party only really starts when the player arrives

→ bokuto is actually okay at terraforming

→ quickly changes his mind after an hour of building and digging and restarts it all over again

→ he can make his island look pretty good

→ theres just weeds and buried fossils everywhere though 👁👁

→ also forgets his turnips go bad

→ literally the least financially responsible out of them all

→ it’s okay though because you help him and he eventually gets the hang of it

general taglist → @atsumuwoah @bloody-bella @bbymilkbread @miracleboy420 @doggonudez @atsunakaashi @peteunderoos @saturnfarie @toffees-main @zumisace @boosyboo9206 @totorosleaff @27kei

please send an ask to be added / removed from my taglist

ALL CONTENT BELONGS TO @KUROOSKULT ON TUMBLR 2020 PLEASE DO NOT REPOST, CHANGE OR PLAGIARISE

388 notes · View notes