#calendar council my beloved

[house-of-mirrors]

Thinking with @thedeafprophet about the odd ones out for each season in the Calendar Council

April and presumably March: working from the shadows to disrupt, bringing change like tumultuous spring

May: 👋🎩 (though he's holding perpetually onto the "spring" of life...)

June and July: summer months longing for the light and risking everything for it

August: just a little guy :3c (though can the weather make up its mind in this month?)

October and November: ruthless and chilly as an autumn frost

September: bright-eyed youth, "if you're cold, he's cold, let him inside" (though this does speak to the last dregs of summer hanging on)

January and February: cold and unrelenting winter months, associated strongly with the night

December: 👃 gives you a thumbs up and a cookie (though who knows what they're doing. who knows what anyone is doing in this month)

[house-of-mirrors]

I wonder if May feels gratitude towards October for handling such a personal enemy

Okay I was talking with R about this last night but I'm rotating May and October in my head rn because here's the facts:

- October is the reason Mirrors is dead. This was done using the marvellous winning in some way

- October has some form of power over dreams and sleep as well

- May and October are still regularly in contact, shown in The Bloody Wallpaper (and May is also scared of her. Good)

- May is also a marvellous player

So

Were they in cahoots?

[maybemoss]

hai moss im curious. what are your favorite scps. :3

mine are pretty basic (049, 999, etc) but I also like 6448 (the not deer) & 783 (the crooked man)!! i haven't been able to check out the less well known scps but i will someday

YES!! i have a lot to say about this wait let me pull something up i made a list

SCP-7000 “The Loser” (https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-7000) and anything and everything related to william wallace wettle — horrible pathetic wet cat of a man. the world hates him personally and the feeling is mutual. cannot have ONE nice day without something going wrong. by god he deserves a break and he won’t get one. canonically divorced (to the extent that canon is a Thing). there are other articles with him but 7000 is the perfect showcase of the bullshit surrounding this man

SCP-6326 “The Manbear” (https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-6326) — absolutely fucking hilarious. looks like a generic spooky scp article at first but just scroll down to the first picture and you’ll see what i mean. it’s just punch after punch and it left me IN TEARS laughing. someone calls the manbear hung at some point.

SCP-7243 “Existential Abatement” (https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-7243) — insanely good but probably relies quite a bit on you already being familiar with the characters present; you can read about them at https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/on-guard-43-hub (particularly SCP-5056, SCP-5243, and The Significant Others A & B) if you want but be warned there’s A LOT there. also has a lot of what i can only call bullshit sci-fi jargon (affectionate) and it’s great but i uh see why it might be off-putting if you’re not used to it

SCP-INTEGER (https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-5242) — there’s a guy named Dr. Placeholder McDoctrate in there. do i need to say more.

ANYTHING Undervegas (https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/undervegas-hub) — agent calendar my beloved. site-666 my beloved. it’s all great. based on the idea of vegas falling into literal actual hell. the director of the site keeps using everyone’s souls as collateral on bets with demons. if you need a starting point i recommend SCP-4661 but any article works

honestly literally anything with the O5 Council, doesn’t even have to be a specific version of them. see https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/o5-command-dossier for more info. off the top of my head one i really liked is captain kirby’s 001 proposal “O5-13” (https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/captain-kirby-s-proposal) but i am INSANE about all of them. i have my own personal OC interpretations of the council and i have been rotating them in my mind for six months straight. they started as a silly thought experiment but have turned into actual fully-fledged Characters and i am sad that they only exist in my brain :(

SCP-7600 “Six Feet Under” (https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-7600) — it’s been a while since i read this one so i don’t remember ALL the details but it’s about two O5s (4 & 8) and a magic realm. made me Feel Things

OKAY THATS ALL i could dig up more but i’m sleepy and i think this is a pretty good overview. ty for asking!!! :D

[lumiereandcogsworth]

also, idk if april's fools day was a thing back then, or if the french would've been celebrating but hey, a man turned into a beast so I will ask, do they celebrate april fool's day, and prank each other?

okay so, not only did adam and belle definitely know about april fool’s day, but one strong theory of the day’s origin is actually IN FRANCE!

there’s mystery as to where it came from, spanning all over europe from the 14th to the 16th century, but one prominent theory is that it had its beginnings in france, in the 1582. it started when the council of trent called for everyone to switch from the julian calendar to the gregorian calendar. in the julian calendar, you start the year at the spring equinox, which i guess is april 1st. the gregorian is what we use, starting the year on january 1st. but since news spread a lot slower, there were many communities that were still using the julian calendar for years and years. so it became a joke that they were “april fools,” and eventually the day became a silly day for foolishness and pranks. one noted prank was having a paper fish placed on your back and being referred to as a poisson d’avril (april fish) - which was basically calling someone gullible. what a roast.

now as for my beloveds! i’ve always headcanoned that belle pranks adam sometimes… just because his grumpy face is so cute 🥺🥺🥺 adam definitely hates pranks, and DEFINITELY hates april fool’s day. i don’t think belle ever does any mean pranks, because that’s just not her style, but she’d definitely do very obnoxious ones, and absolutely get the servants involved. things like sending adam on a wild goose chase when he’s looking for her. every servant he asks gives him a different location that she ISN’T. causing him to wander in circles all over the castle, tragically looking for his wife😭 she also does things like mixing up the order of his shoes on the shelf on his dressing room, and hiding his ink jars so he can’t finish any of his work 😮‍💨 just little annoying things to drive him crazy 🥰🤗

i think belle gets it from her father. i imagine when she was growing up, april fool’s day was always a very silly day for them lmao.

but honestly i think the real trouble starts when adam & belle’s SON gets older. i think he’s a big prankster and definitely takes this day too far sometimes. like he’d make everyone think a horse somehow escaped from the stables, when really he just hid her safely somewhere else. if he happened to be away (at school or what have you) he’d write ridiculous letters, saying he’s eloped with a spanish princess who visited the city! congratulate us!! (belle immediately knows it’s a prank because she sees the date on the letter and she KNOWS her son just wouldn’t do that. but adam definitely has a moment where his brain has a 404 Processing Error.)

maurice also definitely did stupid shit like bringing chickens into the west wing, and one year he literally brought a COW into the BALLROOM. adam nearly had a heart attack from this one. he was so upset he made maurice clean the entire ballroom floor BY HIMSELF. “go ask the maids where the cleaning supplies are, you’ve got til the end of the day.” LMAO. teenage maurice is a crazy kid. he keeps those parents of his on their toes! obsessed with him frankly.

he was also a very pranky kid toward his sisters. mainly renée, since she always had such big, annoyed reactions to his shenanigans. juliette was either like :/ or :( and that just made him feel bad lol. but reecy loooooves to push renée’s buttons, and i’m sure she dreads him on april fool’s day every year😮‍💨

[scotianostra]

On 12th February 1424 James I married Lady Joan Beaufort.

The marriage was part of the agreement around the release of James I from English captivity, with this union to an English noblewoman designed to encourage good relations between in England and Scotland. Although this was a political union, it has been convincingly argued that it was also a union of hearts. James I and Joan were a formidable royal team, but arguably Joan’s importance has been underestimated.

Joan was crowned alongside James I in the abbey church at Scone on Sunday 21st May 1424, before the king undertook the traditional Scottish enthronement ritual outside on Moot Hill.

The crowning of a queen alongside her husband was not then the usual practice and had not been seen in Scotland since the betrothal of Prince David and Joan Plantagenet (both children) in 1328. The ceremonial role of the queen consort in Scotland was developing through the fourteenth century. Elizabeth de Burgh, wife of Robert I, has a rather ambiguous role and appeared to have no ceremony to mark her rise in status from noblewoman to queen consort in the early fourteenth century, in my own opinion this could be explained by the fact we were still embroiled in the first war of Independence for the vast majority of their marriage.

By 1390, Annabella Drummond, wife of Robert III, was crowned on a separate day, following her husband’s coronation ceremony. However, none of her predecessors were physically crowned next to the king.

Ceremonies of queenship in Scotland in this era were still negotiated rituals, and this reflected the position of the queen in the political and royal sphere of influence. From the moment that James I and Joan were crowned alongside each other in 1424, James immediately and publicly positioned his queen at his side as the second person of the realm in a manner not found in earlier Scottish royal unions. This visual ceremonial act was then emphasised in subsequent actions taken by James. For example, the Records of the Parliament of Scotland evidence that James would only proceed with the renewal of the Franco-Scottish alliance in 1428 with the ‘firm and secure support of our beloved consort Queen’. Joan and key nobles also acted as intercessory agents on behalf of the disgraced Alexander, Lord of the Isles, in 1429 in a stage-managed event designed to allow the king to take a hard line and then offer a merciful compromise on the advice of good counsel. It is also important to note that, although accompanied by male figures, Joan’s performative acts of intercession are the first of a queen recorded in Scotland.

Another notable innovation for Joan came in James’ insistence that the political estates swore oaths of fealty to Joan in a General Council of 1428 and again in 1435. These oaths in the parliamentary record state that nobles and prelates risked their lands, titles and position in society if they refused to offer allegiance to the queen. This would become something that later kings of Scots would draw example from, but there is no evidence that it occurred for Joan’s predecessors. These were not the only innovations made by James, and certainly not the only thing that he was criticised for, but it was a significant shift from previous norms as far as records can show.

James I and Joan also planned a shared mausoleum in the Carthusian Charterhouse at Perth to cement their bond in death. The necrology of the Carthusian General Chapter, which chronicled the deaths of members of the community and its patrons, lists the death of Joan  as 15th July 1445. Here Joan is recorded as fundatrix – a title emphasising her shared role in the founding of the religious house in which they were buried. 

The couple were both accorded the benefits of being recorded in the order’s calendar and this would have brought them intercessory prayers from the austere religious communities of Carthusians across Europe. Although the tomb and building do not survive, the overt projection of Joan by James as the second person of the realm gives solid foundations to the argument for a joint tomb marking their unified royal authority even in death. You’ll find a bit more on this at the link below.

Favouring Queen Joan in this manner certainly caused some tensions within the political community. Yet, these very tensions emphasised that there was strength in Joan’s political position and made her, if not control, of the subsequent transferal of power from father to son at James’ death in 1437 ever more probable

The image shows James with Joan Beaufort, Queen of Scotland from the Foreman Rolls (16th century). He has the coat of arms of Scotland on his tabard and is holding a sword and scepter, while she has the coat of arms of England on her clothing, and is holding a scepter and thistle.

[house-of-mirrors]

he's the perfect man

I only found out like...a few weeks ago about PCs being able to marry September and had to immediately smack my own hands away from making another alt. All the text related to it is so cute and funny though

[meangirlbracket]

Half of the round 1 day 1 polls have officially closed. Let's send off our losers with dignity

1. Queen Cersei Lannister - Game of Thrones

Cersei was nominated once without comment. She ended up having several passionate advocates in the poll, but not until several hours in when Lobelia already had a massive lead. Cersei Lannister was able to fight her way to an impressively close near-tie, and has been honorably discharged from the Mean Girl Bracket.

2. February of the Calendar Council - Fallen London

Fallen London is a text-based browser game set in an alternate Victorian London. Similar to Cersei, February fell behind early on but had almost caught up by the time the poll ended. Nevertheless, February of the Calendar Council has been eliminated from the Mean Girl Bracket.

3. Pansy Parkinson

Pansy Parkinson is a minor character from Harry Potter that is very popular with fans, in the words of Quinn Curio "fueled mostly by the premise that rich ambitious girls with jet black bobs look cool, and you wanna kiss them." which I respect. She was submitted once without comment. Pansy Parkinson has been eliminated from the Mean Girl Bracket.

4. Tohsaka Rin (Fate: Stay/Night saga)

Tohsaka Rin is the coolest girl in school and, separately an extremely powerful young mage. Also one of my personal favorite characters in the bracket. From @chevalierebf 's tags:

She and Amber traded leads several times, but ultimately Tohsaka Rin has been eliminated from the Mean Girl Bracket.

5. Medusa from Greek Mythology

Medusa is a character in many greek myths with snake hair that turns people to stone when seen. She was an out of the box submission and a beloved part of almost every modern adaptation of greek myth, including the one her competitor is from. She lost by only 3% in the second most voted in poll so far. Medusa has been eliminated from the competition.

6. London Tipton (Suite life of Zack and Cody and Suite Life on Deck)

London Tipton had an early lead but was overtaken in a second half upset by 10%. She is more famously clueless than mean, but classic it-girl nonetheless. London Tipton has been eliminated from the competition.

7. Cheryl Blossom - Riverdale

Cheryl Blossom is a close personal friend to me. While she is the mean rich beautiful cheerleading captain, she is also canonically a weird loser freak that no one likes. She had a brief lead but was solidly overtaken by GLaDOS. (tragically) (to ME) Cheryl Blossom has been eliminated from the competition

8. Tess Tyler - Camp Rock

I may have overestimated the continued strength of the camp rock fandom in this matchup - sorry tess!! Tess Tyler has been eliminated from the competition

9. Felicia Furrypaws - Babymouse

Felicia was one of my favorite submissions, and the addition of a children's book character was an essential component in the vibes of this competition. This was anyone's game right up until the end, with Neru winning by just 2 votes. Felicia Furrypaws has been eliminated from the Mean Girl Bracket.

[rubberymen]

february my beloathed

[freefromlightandlaw]

do you have any april headcanons? i'm curious about how my personal characterization of her differs from that of other people

April did own an renowned arms company, so I like to imagine she had to go to Fancy Rich People events and passionately hated every minute of it. That said, August was also usually at said Fancy Rich People events, and they made friends through mutual sarcastic commentary on rich partygoers and a lot of in-jokes that were only comprehensible if you were, say, at that one Calendar Council meeting where February forgot to put away those grenades and September nearly had a heart attack.

April's autistic and she stims by making little mechanical devices whenever she's not working on her machines. She passionately hates the way dresses feel and can't sit still to save her life.

Also, she's a butch trans lesbian and probably dating Sinning Jenny.

If I ever do write a fic focusing on her life, it'd be a deliberate inversion of the American Dream rags-to-riches trope. You know the one, where the poor-but-clever young man works hard and impresses all the right people, so he eventually owns the company and is at the top of the exploitative system that forced him to grow up in poverty? The feel-good trope where it's okay that the capitalism system exploits people, because the really smart, hard-working people will just make it to the top?

Emilia is brilliant and clever and determined and angry and she works her way up from being a grimy child on a street that nobody particularly gave a damn about, to being the owner of the best arms company in the Neath, with a contract with the Admiralty.

Emilia is still angry.

No matter what she accomplishes as an engineer, as a businesswoman, even as a political figure, she'll never be able to fix everything she sees, and all she's ever wanted to do was fix things.

Well, fix things, and sometimes make really big explosions.

April finds January and shoves a file full of designs into her hands and gives the best speech she's ever given in her life.

January looks at the designs and the scars on her hands and her ragged, short hair, and says, "You're in."

[toxick-e]

Hm okay so

Sorrow Spiders indeed are a Judgements biggest weakness. Correct

Stone my Beloved. <3 Correct

December is funny, and a Furry. Correct

SCOUNDREL IS THIS U???. Correct

Coilheart Games are so real. Correct

Hell used not to be full of bees, it is now tho. Correct

Fun fact, the Captivating Princess is so used to the dark she can easily live in the Liberation. Correct

Fingerkings are indeed not real, as they are Is-Not, so they Are-Not real. Correct

Mr. Eaten is the only power in the game associated with hunger, for good reason, and iirc that bitch had no yaoi. FALSE

Why is May in the Calendar Council? Correct.

*jigsaw voice* hello unsuspecting tumblr followers. it's time to play a game.

[house-of-mirrors]

I played The Calendar Code today and this was my takeaway

[daddyissuesmademe]

BATBOYS WITH DIRECTIONER S/O

A/N : SO yeah, I did a thing. But hey, this was good for my mental health considering the stuff happens on every 23rd July.  Yeah happy One Direction Day. 11 years later oof. 

Pairing: batboys x gn! Reader [Dick, Jason, Tim, Duke and Aged up! Damian]

Words: 919  [No apologies. Deal with it]

Warning : FLUFF. [if you have got it as bad as I do, you might cry], Suggestive line and 1 (one) swear word [one line, it’s Jason ffs]

DICK 

Homeboy is a #Directioner 

He’s got it as bad as you 

Since you both are people who know what “Kevin!” means, both of you decided to take a day off

Date Day? DATE DAY ! 

“Dick, you want to match our outfits?”  “DUH”

Cue both of you wearing all the One Direction merch you have like some fan in 2012

MERCH OMG SO MUCH MERCH  

“Wh- why do you have Liam Payne panties? ”   “. . . . ”  “ YOU HAD THIS ALL THIS TIME AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME?!”

Better believe there’s going to be a full blown  cry session. 

Binge watching the movies and crying about how young they were

“You think Bruce can buy them off SYCO?”  “He probably should.”

JASON 

Let’s be honest, my mans over her has so many issues he’s be a little uncomfortable with you loving some dudes as much as him 

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE JEALOUS (abandonment issues oof)

No wonder he is my fav. I have a thing. 

He’ll be happy seeing you happy. 

After all he woke up to you singing and dancing in a really good mood 

“Hey Gorgeous, what’s the occasion? Did I miss an important date” 

*PANIC MODE ACTIVATED*

“It’s 11 years of One direction!” He heard their songs playing in the background. 

That made sense to him. He knew you liked their songs and are a directioner. He was just happy to see you happy 

“. . . GOD I LOVE NIALL HORAN. YOU KNOW I USED TO WRITE MY NAME WITH HIS LAST NAME, HAH GOOD DAYS. HE’S MY FAVOURITE LEPRECHAUN. I REMEMBER I WENT TO A CONCERT AND SCREAMED SO LOUD HE LOOKED AT ME !! AT ME, JASE!  I JUST LOVE HOW HE- ”

“Bet I can make you scream louder, Gorgeous” 

. . . . . mother fucker with that god sent body and pretty mouth he sure could. 

SO MUCH BLUSHING

*Cocky shithead mode activated* 

“Everybody wanna steal my girl” he sang along the song as you gasped. 

HE KNEW THE SONGS 

TIM 

“BAbe IT’S ONE DIRECTION DAY”

“Oh? OH !” 

Work day is cancelled. Wayne Ent can suck it. 

HOME CONCERTS ! HOME CONCERTS ! 

You both have blackout curtains installed in your apartment and intend to use them fully. 

Perks of dating a rich bitch? Useless things, 

Playing concert videos from YouTube on his 150 something  inches TV 

Who needs an arena when you have a Home theater that would make Superman go deaf?

“MIDNIGHTTT MEEEMOORIESSSS” 

Pretending you are rockstars? Check.  

Singing into the wii remotes at the top of your lungs? Check 

“Babeeee ZAYN, ZADDY, MY BRADFORD BADBOY, HE’S SO HOTT”

“As the representative of the council of men, I agree” 

“Hey Timmy? Mr. CEO? Mr. Drake- Wayne”

“No”

“Huh? BUt I didn’t even- ”

“As much as I love you, we can’t book them all for same show, same day same time”

DUKE

“What do you think about moving to the UK?”

He’s flabstaggered. Your tone is serious. 

“Did something happen? Are you in trouble? Don’t worry I’ll - ”

“That’s where Louis live and I have a few question for Mr. Tomlinson”

You had him in the first half, then he heard “Tomlinson” 

It clicked. He checked the calendar that sat across the room on the kitchen table. 

23rd of July is marked with all sorts of circles and hearts. 

He chuckled and decided to play along

“Sure thing Gorgeous, we’ll leave right away. But do you know where he lives?”

Oh so he was playing along. You chuckled and sat next to me. 

“Don’t worry, I will find him In places that we've never been for reasons we don't understand” 

He knew what you meant. How could he not? It was one of your favorite songs. 

“. . because we’ll be walking in the wind?” he finished for you, pulling you into him 

You sighed against him and hummed the rest of the song. It was comfortable. HE was comfortable. 

“You make it feel like Home” 

Instant warmth spread across him. 

You spent the day cuddled up and rewatching all the acoustic music videos. 

DAMIAN [AGED UP]

 Babyboy has n o   i d e a who they are. 

Thinks you are either in grave danger or cheating on him.. OOPS? 

Has his siblings and dad lookout for your “suspicious” activities.

No reason given

A few hours in, he confides in Tim. 

“I have reason to assume my beloved is planning to associate herself with someone who goes by the aliases  One Direction. It is an odd choice of name, that makes it more dangerous and- WHy are you laughing, Drake?”

Tim loses it. So does everyone 

EVEN BRUCE !!

He’s embarrassed big time.

He watched you from one of the security cameras and realizes you’re waiting for HIM to get home.

The guilt when he sees your face all excited and ready to celebrate? ACROSS THE CHARTS.

You are decked out in, who he knows as the “all powerful overlord of hip thrusts and kindness” aka Harry’s merch.

“Dami, it’s One Direction Day!”

OH boy, he thought the guilt was bad when he looked at you? It got worse after he heard the excitement in your voice.

Kid folded like a dried up leaf and spilled his guts.

“. . . beloved, are you mad? ”

“ . . . . hHAHAAHA “ That was the funniest thing you’ve heard. Cute. VERY CUTE. 

“Come on, I’ll introduce you to the presumed assassins”

Day full of watching Video Diaries with Damian. 

[freefromlightandlaw]

@perfumed-gunpowder Snip, why would you leave this in the tags?

The Masters aren’t a fan of loud noises, correct? So could someone theoretically stun one of them by getting close and just yelling really loud? Is this a suitable negotiating technique for haggling over expensive wine? Are revolutionary recruits chosen for their vocal chords/lung capacity? Hm.

[a-funny-little-sunflower]

Yandere Elves stuck in Mandos Au Part 1

In this Au, our lovely Yandere Elves are now in Mandos domain, some are there for longer than others but the thing to remember is that they are currently unable to leave, but it is possible to break out, but keep in mind that this is an incredibly difficult feat. So, unless they manage to escape, they are unable to see their darling, and because these elves are Yandere’s, this face upsets them incredibly.

The elves that are currently being kept in Mandos is Feanor, Fingolfin, Celegorm, Fingon, Glorfindel, Finwe, Maedhros, Maglor and many more! Requests are open for more elves so don’t be afraid to ask! They don’t even have to be canonically in Mandos.

So, because of this, misbehaviour in Mandos began to run rampant and arguments, as well as physical fighting, broke out easily.

Now, Mandos decided that he needed to find a way to stop this, so he set up a reward system to keep the elves in check. One of the first few things put in place was the production of pictures in the likeness of the elves s/o. The reward system was simple, if you behave well, you get pictures of your s/o.

The pictures quickly became a hot commodity in Mandos. Can't see your darling? Pull out that photo and try not to get anything on it.

However, some of the elves decided that a simple picture of their s/o was much too common of a thing to have, and the more elite elvish residence of Mandos decided to commission portraits of their s/o. That way, they could have control over what position their s/o was in or what level of clothing they were in.

However, not everyone can afford such high price portraits and so Mandos decided that he would start offering a catalogue of care packages! These care packages can vary but the cheapest one usually consists of a small magazine similar to a playboy one, except, it’s all hand-painted pictures of the s/o.

As well as that they usually have a recording of the s/o’s voice, a fleshlight, a plant that allows the owner to have more realistic and lifelike dreams of their s/o and an article of clothing belonging to their s/o. The more expensive the care package is, the more things are included.

When it comes to the making of said portraits, no one wants to be the painter for Feanor's s/o. He's already got a critical eye before Yandereness. Can you imagine if you mess up her face or something like that? If you mess up a single feature of his beloved, he's gonna mess up your entire bodily anatomy.

However, Mandos sees the potential to expand the lines of communication once more. Mandos has recently installed a Palantir so that the Elves can communicate with their s/o’s. Some of the families even have Palantir in their quarters.

Palantir’s are used for facetime or sending messages to s/o. The Palantir glows in preparation for an incoming message, and it’s even possible to send ‘gifts’ or audios with the Palantir. However, there aren’t enough Palantir’s for everybody. They are normally used by the elite, like princes or elven lords. But Mandos has to decide who gets them since there's a limited quantity.

The problems about the Palantir’s starts when there isn't enough and Feanor keeps hogging all the airtime. This leads Fingolfin to confront Feanor by saying, “stop hogging the Palantir, I want to talk to my s/o too!”, which quickly develops into pushing and shoving.

Eventually, the solution they came to at council is that Feanor will be last in line to use it due to his offences of hogging airtime. If he tries to go before his turn, the Palantir will not respond to him and not send his messages, it acts as a phone without service.

(A more detailed post on the Palantir is coming soon!)

When you are unwilling to send gifts in the beginning, each of the elves reacts differently.

Some Yandere have no shame and will outright demand audios or pictures of you, but this rudeness causes Mandos to hover over them and threaten to take the Palantir away, causing the elf in question to get bitchy and glare at Mandos.

In retaliation, Mandos would snatch the Palantir, and nobody gets it. He puts it on a high shelf in his office...Which results in the elves getting on each other’s shoulders to get at it.

Eventually, Mandos decided that he will allow visitors in, which means that the elves finally get to see their s/o! In advance, Mandos set up a system that goes as follows. If you were on good behaviour, you get these rewards:

•You get to see your s/o.

•You get a calendar to mark down the days until the next visit.

•You get more time to rail the reader.

•The ability to send their s/o letters and being allowed to have pictures and painting of their s/o in their room.

Feanor’s s/o doesn’t want to visit him at first, but eventually, they are forced to go because Feanor isn't behaving and Mandos is tired of it. So, they sent Eonwe to retrieve them.

Feanor would be a combination of happy yet disappointed if s/o had to bring to Mandos by force to visit him. He would be happy that you're there but when finds out that you were forced on him, he would feel so hurt.

When visiting finally does begin, it's utter madness. Mandos would have chains over the door whenever the reader comes to visit, especially if they are visiting Feanor. Mandos is very happy about you being there because Feanor is always on good behaviour whenever you’re there. As well as that, Feanor would rail the reader for hours on end when they come to visit.

When it comes to Fingolfin, he would be tamer if his s/o were to visit him. He understands that he just died, and they've been separated, so he’s willing to wait a while, or at least, after the 2nd or 3rd visit...then he just wants to rail his s/o and be warned, Fingolfin will make it so you can’t walk for a while.

Some Yanderes like Celegorm would try to keep their s/o with them in Mandos for longer by wearing out their legs. Glorfindel will just tie you to the bed to keep you there. However, there would be some Yandere like Fingolfin and Fingon who might let you go but the thought of you all to themselves might be too tempting.

When it comes to making excuses for not visiting, there are many different ways to go about doing it.

Say you had an argument with your yandere, and you decide to punish them by not coming back for a visit, you could do that, but then the elf might act up and Mandos would bring you back by force.

If you make the excuse that you’ve been sick, you better get ready for puppy eyes, tears and begging you not to leave when you finally do come to visit.

If you use the “I’m pregnant” excuse with Celegorm to explain why you haven’t or won't visit, he will break out to come to see you. Also, if you are telling the truth about being pregnant when you finally give birth and come to visit again, Celegorm would put his dick inside you from behind while you breastfeed your child.

If you and Feanor or Celegorm have had a baby, they would be expecting to see their child on visits, and they will also want for you to stay for longer so they can have more family time.

Now when it comes to leaving, your yandere doesn’t want you to go so they may try to trap you there. Now you could try to plead with Mandos to help you leave but he might just keep her there to save himself the trouble of having to deal with a misbehaving yandere.

However, the s/o can leave if they're fast enough. By that I mean, if they can get to the gates before the hourglass runs out, they can go home but that includes running across the hall with fluids dripping out. As well as that, their legs would be aching because of how much their yandere had railed them.

But say you do manage to escape, the yandere’s only source of contact with you will be by using the Palantir, and as soon as they’ve realised that you’ve escaped, they will be demanding that you send them audios, pictures, the works.

However, you may be unwilling to send pictures of yourself, so you may decide to send fake pictures, and by that, I mean, sending a picture of someone else, for example, a picture of the famous porn actress Belle Delphine could be used.

If you sent a fake picture to Feanor, he would immediately be like “Who is this? This isn’t you; her chest is lopsided, and her body is unproportionate!” He would then proceed to demand Mandos return that picture, even though Feanor already used his weekly time at the Palantir.

With Fingolfin, the only time he gets pissed is when he doesn't get his visits from s/o or if he gets pictures of Belle Delphine. He doesn’t want those; he wants audios of his s/o in the millions. (I’m serious, he’s pulled a dagger on Mandos and demanded hours’ worth of audios of you touching yourself before.)

If you constantly make excuses to not see Fingolfin, he will break into Rivendell and bring a vibrator with him. You can try to run from him, but Fingolfin is already chasing you throughout Rivendell.

This man would be full feral at this point, he hasn't had you in God knows how long so the second he grabs you; he’ll take you to the floor to rail you. Doesn't matter if you're in public or not.

(After this incident, Elrond and Erestor make the place of limits. So, because of this, a black market of bribery emerges. Erestor takes bribes of books and silence in his library.)

When sending things to Finwe, his preference is breast pictures or pictures of your face on the brink of orgasm. If you think playing play dumb will work with him, and decide to say, “What's an orgasm?” jokes on you, he has a corruption kink, and it turns him on when you pretend not to know what he's talking about.

If you didn’t send Finrod any goods it would upset him because he thought that you loved him and would want him to be a part of everything, and he thought that you loved him enough to send such photos.

On the unlikely occasion that a Palantir ends up sending your nude picture to another elf on accident, if that elf teases the Yandere, or says that they enjoyed the picture, they're gonna wind up dead.

Now eventually, the elves are allowed to leave Mandos. After leaving Mandos, all this portrait and audio business would be something that the elves never discuss. Everyone knows that they did it, but no one talks about it, if it’s even hinted at in public every elf in the vicinity freezes.

At least until Mandos starts expanding his services….

You see, Mandos realised the potential of his reward system and the thought eventually hit him. Why not expand?

So, in short, Mandos has become the Hugh Hefner of middle earth. It all started as a reward system. Now they’re expanding their services to living people. Hey, you're on guard duty in Lothlorien or fighting orcs in Rivendell? Well go to your local Palantir and order a portrait of your s/o. They have a Maiar deliver it straight to you, and if you're royalty, one of Manwe's eagles will have it delivered to you.

He even has bargains, like you know those 75% per cent off Bath and Bodyworks sale? Mando’s would so do that. Like 75% discount on catalogues and portraits.

Every 100 years or so Mando’s would clear out all the portraits and put them in catalogues. He would sell them to humans since it would seem new to them. Therefore, Mando’s saves money on making new material.

A quote from Mandos:

A Maiar: Is this even allowed?

Mandos: Don't care. I got a business to run.

[marigoldbaker]

my top ten calendiles fics (that i wrote)

this rec list took me a solid chunk of time to compile, because my fics are my babies and i honestly wanna throw quite a few of them up here. but EVENTUALLY i stopped being indecisive and finally managed to get this sorted, so here goes! if you wanna read some of my stuff, this is the stuff that i am the most proud of/in love with/would cry if someone asked me leading questions about it + drew me fanart of it. these are not ranked except for the top two, because the first one is my baby and the second one is still very beloved to me.

under the cut, because i have loving commentary!

1. as day follows night (multi-chapter)

Looking for a safe place to stay after her accidental murder of the Deputy Mayor, Faith Lehane allies herself with a mysteriously powerful witch—and stumbles into a fairytale mystery that's bigger than anything she could have anticipated.

(this fic is my goddamn baby. this fic is my C H I L D. this fic is the fic that i took extensive notes for and spent most of my freshman year of college thinking about and ended up as this terrifying love letter to fairy tales and jenny calendar and the complexity of the way she chooses to love people. i love this fic with every fiber of my being and always will.)

2. i still want to be your girl (multi-chapter)

Five years ago, Jenny Calendar ran from Sunnydale and didn't come back. Now, with the First threatening Sunnydale and the Slayer line, she's returned to help stop the apocalypse--but Rupert Giles isn't the man she remembers, and he isn't exactly delighted to have her back in his life again.

(i have a very persistent soft spot for later-seasons giles, but this was one of the few fics where i went “okay but what about battle-hardened jenny” and i’m very proud of the result. it was really fun to think about what might have changed about jenny over the course of five years, and now that i’m thinking about it, i might be really interested in writing a giles pov of this fic at some point? that’s totally a concept to come back to at some point. anyway.)

3. kind of like hydrogen peroxide

Here was the problem: Ripper had no idea how to talk to Jenny without somehow managing to make her want to kill him.

(i do NOT deserve rights if a fic from the ripper au doesn’t make its way onto this list, and this one is my very favorite. i love thinking about dumb teenage giles who pretends to be a rebel but is actually very very soft and very very in love with his equally dumb and genuinely rebellious girlfriend.)

4. spirit-touched

“Thank you, Buffy,” Giles said, “but I would prefer to conduct this research on my own. I’ll be looking into some rather…” He felt himself blushing, and resented it. “Some rather intimate details of ghost-human relations.”

“What does that—oh god, you want to figure out how to have sex with Ms. Calendar,” said Buffy.

(making this the first smutfic i posted was still the most cursed power move i have ever pulled off. anyway that influx of asks in 2016 about ghost jenny and human giles and their sex life inspired this and it ended up being SO funny and SO sweet and i am SO proud of it.)

5. very really married

Giles and Jenny's flights to Sunnydale both stop over in Las Vegas. On the same day. Naturally, a chance encounter leads to a drunken marriage, one that they mutually agree to keep up for appearances.

Which is to say: Giles is going to have to figure out how to hide his fake marriage from his new Slayer (and everyone else) while also hiding his new Slayer from his fake wife (and everyone else). And his complex feelings for Jenny aren't helping anything.

(EVEN NOW, THIS FIC MAKES ME GIGGLE TO THINK ABOUT. i am saving my reread of this particular gem for a rainy day, because it was my love letter to season one and my daydreamy fantasy re: what it would look like if giles and jenny had silly odd-couple energy that really just came from them being fake married and badly hiding it as they fall very deeply in love.)

6. days in goodness spent

This feeling—whatever Giles is feeling—this is bone-deep. He’s never felt it before. He’s been in love before, he’s admired someone before, he’s respected someone before, but this feels like all of those three things held together by something else he can’t quite name. He searches, desperately, for the words that will tell Jenny this, but nothing that has been written can describe the way it feels to be held by her right now.

(In which Rupert Giles gets the chance to fall in love all the way, and it changes him just a little.)

(this one didn’t immediately come to mind when i was drawing up the list, but my brief rereads led me to conclude that it is an underappreciated gem! i’ve written a lot of different takes on giles and jenny’s relationship, but i particularly love calling giles out for idealizing jenny. also i like that this is more abstract than some of my other older pieces, where i really get into the nuts and bolts of wanting to depict Every Single Part of giles and jenny’s relationship trajectory. this one has more fun with the flow of the story.)

7. no one else could heal my pain

“Friday,” Giles echoed.

“Yeah. As an overnight weekend trip to hunt down some books I need.” Ms. Calendar smiled playfully at him. “Isn’t that the kind of thing you’d do for fun anyway?”

(this one was SO recent and SO fun! it’s kind of my love letter to the standalone longfics i consumed voraciously when i was fourteen, because there are some really great older calendiles fics that are just long and winding adventure-y narratives about the two of them goofing off and falling in love. i wanted to echo that here a little bit and it was a delight to write.)

8. myosotis latifolia

Years and years ago, the truth would spill out, and Rupert—in his endless romanticism—would take her hands and tell her she only needed him by her side to feel welcome and loved. But it’s been over a decade since they’ve been that close, and those years have created a distance between them just as insurmountable as the distance between them, now, on the steps leading into his lavish gardens.

(Rupert Giles is an esteemed member of the Watchers' Council, as well as a happily married father. Jenny Calendar knows that that's never been what he wanted.)

(ahaha this one is a big ouch moment but i really love it regardless? i think that giles and jenny are kinda fundamentally incompatible in a lot of ways, and part of the intrigue of their relationship is watching them try and figure out how to compromise and adjust after years of being rigid and inflexible individuals -- giles intellectually, jenny emotionally. so this fic is a lot about that.)

9. the grieving process

After Buffy's death, Giles makes his way to Jenny in LA.

(i don’t know why this one still sticks with me! it just! does! it holds up and i love it and if you wanna read about giles and jenny falling in love in a way that is healthy and authentic without any secrets -- but also obviously very sad -- definitely pick this one up.)

10. decently clothed

“Jenny, are you selecting my wardrobe based solely on what is and isn’t easy to divest me of?”

“…no,” said Jenny.

“That’s not even remotely convincing.”

(i wrote this one during a particularly difficult time in my life, and it was a really special moment for me, because i’d just come out of a period where it had been difficult for me to find the time or emotional energy to write. whenever i return to it, this fic is suffused in that warm and hopeful joy i felt when i posted it and realized that i had not, in fact, lost my touch. so it’s always gonna mean the world to me.

plus it is very silly and sweet! my specialties.)

[skullhaver]

It's 2021, and I'm watching Buffy for the first time.

The Virgil on my Buffy journey is my long-distance girlfriend, who has loved the show for years. We just finished season 4, and I wanted to write about my favorite episodes so far. I suspect some of my faves are beloved by most fans, but others are weird, personal picks. Buffy fandom, please don't come for me.

I thought this post would be short but I was wrong.

Hono(u)rable Mentions: "Band Candy" S3E6 and "Halloween" S2E6

Both these episodes have fun premises where the Scoobies run around Sunnydale after it was upended by zany, chaotic dark forces. "Band Candy" is fun for devil-may-care teen Giles. "Halloween" is fun for 18th-century-ditz Buffy. These are both very good, and are the sorts of episode I can imagine happily rewatching in the future. I just have more to pontificate upon for the other episodes on this list.

10. "Ted" S2E11

I can’t say I enjoyed this episode, but it did take me for a wild ride. Probably nobody else has strong feelings about this weird story where Buffy's mom dates a stereotypical cheesy family man, who turns out to be a controlling abuser, who turns out to be a robot. I remember shouting at the screen, "Did Buffy just kill a human man?? Is it okay in the moral logic of this show for Buffy to kill a human if he's a direct physical threat to her??" I knew Buffy would have deeper stories than the monster of the week formula we'd seen so far, but this early in season 2, I had no idea when or how that would happen. This was the episode that finally taught me that Buffy is largely not interested in moral ambiguity, or in exploring what it means to be good or bad. Except for season-defining exceptions like Faith and Angel, evil characters are simplistically, essentially evil. But it was wild to believe for a moment that Buffy murdered her mom's abusive boyfriend and would have to live with the consequences.

9. "Helpless" S3E12

When Buffy tries to be genuinely scary, it succeeds with aplomb. The premise of this episode is dumb and contrived ("Giles has to remove Buffy's powers without her knowledge for a seeeecret test by the Watcher's Council") but the chase and fight in this episode are some of the most tense and spooky scenes of the whole series so far. Buffy's vulnerability makes the stakes feel real in a way few other episodes manage. And Buffy's victory is all the more satisfying because she can't punch her way out of this problem, she has to be smart and creative. The fridge horror, of course, is that Giles would endanger her like this in the first place, but that gets sorted out over the emotional arc of the next few episodes.

8. "I Only Have Eyes For You." S2E19

Another spooky episode, this one a classic ghost story of forbidden love ending in murder - but with the twist that the ghosts possess people's bodies to have them reenact their final moments. I love stories about breaking a doomed-to-repeat cycle. I love weird shit like the snakes manifesting in the cafeteria. And I really loved the choice to have Buffy and Angel come to understand their feelings about their own relationship by embodying these ghosts - especially how they embodied different genders than their own to better fit the "roles" of the haunting story, thus subverting the expected pattern. I found this episode clever, poignant, and effective.

7. "Who Are You?" S4E16

"Faith and Buffy switch bodies" is a wild premise, but the real joy of "Who Are You?" is watching Sarah Michelle Geller being an extremely talented actress for 45 minutes, portraying a totally different character. Watching Faith confronted by kindness and love from Buffy's mom, Riley, and her friends, then getting launched into an existential crisis over it is so great. Also, I just dig a good church fight.

6. "Hush" S4E10

As stated above, love an episode that reminds me that these people are talented actors! Featuring demons that render all of Sunnydale unable to talk, we get to watch great physical comedy right next to tense, silent fight scenes. The visual creepiness of the Gentleman and their straight-jacketed weird little helpers is hard to beat. "Hush" is such a clever episode that it ascends monster of the week status to become almost Twilight Zone-esque. Also, for the first time, Buffy sees Riley doing his Initiative thing, and Riley sees Buffy being the Slayer, but they can't talk about it?? That's good shit.

5. "The Wish" S3E9

Both "Something Blue" and "The Wish" feel like the writers decided to use fanfic premises on their own show... so obviously I like them a lot. But getting to watch a dark timeline AU with interesting world-building and attention to detail, a hilarious and horrifying Cordelia POV, AND a smirking kinky vampire Willow? Hello?? And the fact that the Wishverse comes up again in "Doppelgänger" (another truly fun episode) only improves my opinion. I imagine this is the kind of episode fans simply love coming back to.

4. "Restless" S4E22

This David Lynch-ass dream sequence was a weird choice for a season finale, but an extremely ambitious and cool episode. I should say up front that I love David Lynch-ass dream shit. There were creative and well-executed scene transitions as characters moved seamlessly from one dream room into another. Several memorably neat shots - Willow running between endless curtains as she tries to get onstage, Buffy alone in a vast desert with a weirdly high camera angle. And I got myself all excited thinking that the First Slayer would maybe become a different kind of antagonist - maybe not even fully revealed in this episode, or maybe an Id-like aspect of Buffy herself. But I forgot Whedon gonna Whedon, so the First Slayer had to be someone Buffy could punch in the end. And the First Slayer is sadly yet another primitive-themed, emotionally-stunted character of color for this show. Most of her lines in this episode are literally voiced by a white woman speaking for her, and of all the dumb quips to make, Buffy had a line about her hair being unprofessional? Also, I'm a lesbian, so the fact that the most explicit act of intimacy between Willow and Tara this show has allowed us to see occurs in Xander's horny dream sequence... it’s unforgivable, Joss. This episode was one of my favorites ever, deeply marred by some bad writing choices.

3. "Lovers Walk" S3E8

Spike, perhaps the best non-Willow character in this show, is back in Sunnydale, a hilariously heartbroken mess of a man, hell-bent on getting his former girlfriend Drusilla back. (Drusilla left him for a fungus demon.) So Spike breaks into a magic shop to get ingredients for a love spell, where he runs into Willow, who is getting ingredients for a de-lusting spell, because she is worried she and Xander will be too thirsty to behave appropriately in public with their actual partners, Oz and Cordelia. This is a hilarious moment just to exist. This is all the episode needed to do to satisfy me. But the fact that Spike then kidnaps Willow, and it ends with tragic stakes of everyone's relationships coming apart, not to mention me genuinely thinking Cordelia was dead for a minute there - wow. Chef’s kiss. The episode is balanced shockingly well between Spike being an ominous villain, and being the sort of lovable semi-evil (more gremlin-like) side character he'll become in season 4. What a wild ride.

2. "Graduation Day" S3E21-22

I'm counting this two part season finale as one because it's my list and I'll do what I want. "Graduation Day" feels like a quintessential Buffy episode executed to perfection. It has Buffy reaffirming her position as a moral heroine, sacrificing her own blood to save Angel's life even when she thought she had to kill Faith to save him. It has Buffy and Faith (or Buffy/Faith, as I prefer to think of them) getting to square off in a dramatic, tough fight. It has a lot of Mayor Wilkins, a character I truly adore for some reason. Nothing like a public administrator who plays mini golf in his office, wants you to chew with your mouth closed, and will kill a graduating class of high schoolers to gain immortality. The catharsis of the whole school getting to fight back against evil, instead of just Buffy against the world - a real joy. This episode misses the top spot for two reasons. "A special vampire poison and the only cure is the blood of a Slayer" is too contrived for me to let slide, and also I had to see Cordelia and Wesley kiss.

1. "Becoming" S2E21-22

Buffy’s season finales really do have good stories and satisfying payoff. First off, Buffy starts this episode by punching a cop and fleeing from the law. Later, Spike also punches a cop. A.k.a., Buffy said blue lives don't matter. Second - I haven't gotten a chance to comment on this yet, but all throughout season 2, evil Angel is such a joy to watch. As regular Angel, David Boreanaz makes exactly one face ("I am a kicked, angsty puppy") and bless his heart, it gets so tiresome. As evil Angel, he is so expressive, dynamic and terrifyingly creative in his badness. And I love his weird threesome energy with Spike and Drusilla. But also, it's so hard to watch Buffy suffer as she deals with her evil boyfriend doing evil things. Her ultimate choice in this episode, to kill Angel even as Willow's spell restores his soul, gave me some real big feels! Also, this episode marks the first moment of Willow doing big, plot-shifting magic on her own, solidifying her transformation from computer nerd to witch! 

Also, shout-out to the many good smaller moments in this episode: Spike making awkward small talk with Buffy's mom, Buffy constantly dunking on Principle Snyder, and Giles being tortured by visions of Miss Calendar (RIP Miss Calendar, I was your biggest fan.)

"Becoming" is an excellent season finale and the kind of Buffy episode I imagine I will want to re-watch in the future just for nostalgia's sake.