#cW passive ideation

[honeyhpd]

so much of my life right now is leading me back to r he idea ‘i have to make a decision i can live with’.

i hate having to make choices that make me feel like i have no control over the kind of person i want to be. i just get out in the ringer over and over and am forced to make a choice. it feel like some sick Saw trap. whenever i point this out people will tell me “that’s life, learn to live with it”. i don’t know how to not see it and just keep living like that.

[pokeberry5]

red robin in his hot girl summer era

alts + closeup:

[bluishorange]

that show really spoke to me on a number of different levels. I’m not always that attached to being alive, so sometimes I have to like, manually pick a reason to stay alive and focus on it. in 2023 it was ofmd season 2. literally I would think to myself, I have to stick around so I can watch season 2.

I’m sure you can imagine how important eps 1-3 of season 2 are to me. that’s the most relatable way I’ve ever seen passive ideation portrayed. it’s very, very close to how I experience it. I cry every time I watch those episodes.

I can’t believe the show isn’t coming back.

but I guess now max will have more money for shareholders or to make more shows about rich people being dicks to each other or whatever. so that’s something.

I’m crying. I’m not overly surprised but I’m unbelievably sad.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

I had a rather absurd, but no less interesting idea.

Delta may not like that his friends, Epic and Color, are constantly hanging out with villains like Killer and Cross, but he understands one thing - as long as the nightmare is alive, he will not leave them alone. And he decides to take a suicidal step, or rather, to end the nightmare.

and I imagine it as it was in the Matrix. When Neo fought Agent Smith, and the scene where Neo destroys Agent Smith when he entered him.

If you take into account that Delta can cause a blast wave, and a bright light when he takes on an orange form. Perhaps this will not destroy Nightmare, but returning him to a state when he was not an ink octopus, then this is a more likely outcome. Or one of them will die.

(the idea is of course absurd, and at the level of fan fiction, but I think the crazier the idea, the more beautiful it is.)

What are your thoughts on this?

Gotta be honest, chief, I have never watched the Matrix, but I think this is an interesting idea. Especially with the HC that Delta is apart of the Star Sanses.

So maybe it’s a planned final stand. Maybe they’re planning to either kill or cure nightmare of his corruption or die trying. or at least most of the troops planning to go will likely die, and so its for that reason that its a voluntary thing, led by the stars finally regrouped at least for this moment.

and delta decides to join. maybe he’s hit the lowest point and just doesnt know where to go anymore. color and epic are moving on without him, and this seems to be the next step to keep the multiverse safe. so he does.

Does he tell epic and color? Probably not. He will likely try to spend one last day with them before sneaking off to what is likely going to be his death.

and there will be major fallout on both a personal and multiverse wide scale depending on what happens during the battle. Worse case scenario is that everyone dies, nightmare wins and reclaims killer, and the multiverse succumbs to negativity.

best case scenario is that the major players at least live—dream, swap, ink, delta—and nightmare is cured of corruption. but how will nightmare and dream navigate their new lives together, and how will delta be able to face his friends now that they know what he was planning to do.

[clone-anon]

Hello! You are an absolute angel, your stories are so lovely and many of them have moved me to tears <3

I know it's a bit dark but I was wondering if you could do a Tech x f!reader where the reader is struggling with passive suicidal ideation (suicidal thoughts with no intent to act upon them) and feeling trapped inside her mind. Reader is touch starved and maybe Tech is too and they both find safety holding each other.

No worries if you can't do it! Thanks for making so many peoples' day including mine <3

Thank you! I'm glad you like my writing and decided to prioritize this since it's such a heavy topic.

Warnings: ongoing passive suicidal ideation mentioned, one moment of suicidal ideation involving a ledge with no intention to act

A/N: The squad is all back together again, but there is no mention of how. We don't need to know how right now, just that they're together. Also, I think this could be read as gender neutral reader.

Although Tech was not as demonstrative with his physical expressions in the same way Wrecker was, he would sometimes reach out and touch your shoulder or arm in a supportive way. He was not entirely sure of the line, but you always seemed to lean into his hand enough to let him know the feeling was welcome. You had all been looking for some place to lay low for the time being. A lot had happened and you did not want to lose each other. The squad was whole and you all wanted it to stay that way.

One evening on a forested moon you sat under the stars. There was a bit of a ledge not far from where the ship was parked and the campfire set up. Everyone was inside at the moment and you simply stared. It wasn't a far drop. Your mind fell into the trap of thinking what-ifs. You wrapped your arms around your shoulders and tried to shudder the thought away as Tech approached. He sat next to you and tried to read your expression.

"What is it?" he asked.

You looked down at your hands and took a calming breath as his warm presence settled next to you.

"Nothing," you replied.

"It's not nothing," he insisted softer than you'd ever heard him. "Tell me."

"I keep having these thoughts. Do you know what suicidal ideation is?"

Eyes wide he answered, "Of course I do, but what is the reason for this? How can I help?" His arms encircled you, although loosely, as his eyes followed yours to the ledge.

"It's passive, Tech. I won't do it. These thoughts come to mind and I can't seem to stop them or turn them off."

"Promise me you will come to me before acting on anything," he replied.

"I just said I won't do it," you said as your expression vulnerable expression pleaded for understanding.

"I know." He looked at you and nodded. "However, I won't have you experience this alone and I won't take chances."

You looked up at him and his arms seemed to hold you just a little more snugly. Your own snaked around his torso and you leaned into him. His embrace seemed to clear out the thoughts you had only moments ago.

"Breathe with me," he suggested. Your chests rose and fell in rhythm and you felt grounded in each other. It was soothing for him just as much as it was for you and you felt like your mind was more your own than it was just moments before.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" you asked.

"Of course. I'll stay with you every night if that is what it takes."

You stood up and he put out the fire before putting a hand on your back and walking onto the ship with you. You got settled into your bunk and he brought his pillow, laying so that you were between him and the wall. You leaned into each other and loosely left an arm around the other's waist.

"Promise me," he softly requested again.

"I promise I'll come to you."

"Good. I can't lose you."

He closed his eyes and rested his forehead to yours. In the quiet of the ship you fell asleep together.

[bramblebeau]

.

[c0nji]

Finally canceled my doctor's appointment because seeing him for my ADHD+depression+trauma wasn't doing anything at all, even after almost three years.

Not that I was expecting a full consultation since he's a psychiatrist and not a therapist, but I expected a bit more from someone with his educational background and experience.

Told mom about my decision to quit meds, and her reaction to my explanation that I have passive suicidal ideations either way was nothing but a vague noise that sounded something like, 'Why are you telling me this out of nowhere?'

[lancelought]

a

want to be dead all the time but im fine actually like i feel good but i also want to be dead. its just how it is

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

i have had a single day of class and am ready for the semester to be over

[wormheamer]

haha yeah. i wish i was trans, and not doomed to jump off a bridge someday. anyways— *sound of a 2007 honda accord plowing through the rear window of my house*

[magicalblerdpenn]

This evening, I realized that I'm passively suicidal. This means that I don't have any plans to kill myself but I am thinking, "I am a burden to everyone I know and maybe it'd be better if I wasn't here." Anna Borges wrote a great personal essay on passive suicidal ideation a few years back called, "I Am Not Always Attached To Being Alive" that describes everything I'm currently feeling.

You see, I don't have very convincing reasons for not wanting to be here. Sure, this month has been incredibly stressful for me as an unpaid caregiver to a mom who I have a complicated relationship with. However, I have survived experiences like this before. After all, I've been an upaid caregiver for ten years, since I was 22.

Not to mention that despite being bombarded by news of layoffs on Twitter, my freelance writing career is fine, good even.

I have a new poem being published online next month and may potentially place in a poetry contest I entered in January.

I lack of a social life, with folks my own age (early 30's), but I have bio family members that actually love and care about me. I also have 2-3 online support groups related to work and casual socializing, as well as a couple internet friends I'm close to.

I have also been unpacking trauma via half a dozen self help mental health workbooks for the past year. I've also got several coping mechanisms including journaling, exercising, playing video games, listening to mood improving music, breathing exercises, and digital drawing.

Prior to this, I didn't have any suicidal ideation (active or passive) for eight years. This made it hard to admit to myself that I'm passively suicidal now, especially after I recently told my close internet friends I was "doing better".

I'm not okay, but I want to stay.

There's a band that I love whose third album comes out this Friday.

There are video games I haven't beaten and played yet, books I haven't finished reading, anime I want to finish watching.

There is food I want to eat.

There is poetry I want to write, and maybe stories too.

There are people I want to talk to, on and offline, about anything and almost everything.

I am not okay but I want to stay. I may be passively suicidal but I am also hardheaded as hell. Depression can go fuck itself.

To quote one of my favorite comic book series: "Depression lies and so does Mistress Woe."

[honeypiecastiel]

There’s something so poignant about Ed laying on the deck of the revenge, covered in blood, water splashing over him, clearly in pain but there is a look of relief on his face. The “finally” as he smiles and Jim screaming as they hold the cannon ball really hits home how Ed had passive suicidal ideation but he also was taking action in destroying his life on purpose.

And it’s not even only about his passive suicidal ideation or his heartbreak over Stede. Ed feels he is completely unlovable, unchangeable, grotesque, a monster. Why else would Stede have left? He’s embracing the kraken in order to solidify that in his mind, if he lets himself act as a monster than he doesn’t have to face the hurt of loved ones leaving him.

There’s so much more though, as he stares up at his crew who he wanted to mutiny against him. This wasn’t a normal mutiny, Ed wanted it to happen. He forced the crew’s hand. These were people he cared about and people who cared about him. But Ed thinks he’s unlovable and he can’t face that people might actually care about him. So what does he do? He forces them to hate him, he acts crazy, chooses destruction again and again so that he removes the chances of being hurt the way Stede hurt him.

And he keeps forcing it and pushing them and pushing them. He tries to get Izzy to kill him because he can’t end it himself but he also wants the people in his life to fully and finally solidify that he is an unlovable monster by them putting him out of his misery but also showing that not even they care about him.

So there’s so much layers in that scene, because Jim crushing his skull with the cannonball is the final act for Ed. It’s him finally succeeding in removing all love in his life and allowing himself to truly believe that he’s a monster and not worthy of any joy, love, or care.

[rantz-for-st0ry]

the body's dad is so fucking stuck up and entitled sometimes and it pissess me off sm.

keeping stuff under the cut today chat!! cw and tws in the tags.

he's driving home and he's ordering food on an app for us so I can hear him talk to himself as he orders. and, as he's checking out, he gets some kinda pop up about rounding his total up to help feed the homeless in America.

and this mother fucker goes "No. No, fuck that. You should be giving me free meals."

(all you/yours/etc are towards the body's dad) YOU ARE PERFECTLY FUCKING CAPABLE OF BUYING MEALS FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. THAT DONATION IS FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE HOMELESS. WHO DON'T HAVE JOBS AND CANT GET THEM. YOU HAVE A JOB AND A HOME AND MAKE OVER 50 DOLLARS AN HOUR. IF YOU DIDN'T SPEND ALL OF YOUR FUCKING MONEY ON CIGARETTES AND MONSTERS AND 20 DOLLAR SIX PACKS OF ICE CREAM SANDWICHES AND GAMBLING AND SUBSCRIPTION SERVICES THAT WE DON'T NEED, THEN WE WOULDN'T HAVE FINANCIAL PROBLEMS. Y'KNOW, YOU COULD HAVE EXTRA MONEY TO DO FUN THINGS WITH YOUR KIDS OR HAVE SOME 'YOU TIME', OR HELP MY BROTHER BUY A CAR AND GO TO COLLEGE?? OR, I DUNNO, SAVE UP FOR A NEW HOUSE? SO THAT YOUR CHRONICALLY ILL CHILDREN DON'T HAVE TO LIVE IN A HOUSE INFESTED WITH SICKENING AMOUNTS OF BLACK MOLD AND LEAKING ROOFS AND SINKING FLOORS? SO THAT YOUR GRANDSON DOESN'T RISK FALLING THROUGH THE FUCKING FLOOR WHEN HE'S PLAYING IN YOUR LIVING ROOM? BUT INSTEAD YOU CHOOSE TO SPEND YOUR MONEY ON ALL THIS SHIT, NONE OF WHICH BENEFITS YOU, NONE OF WHICH BENEFITS YOUR CHILDREN, NONE OF WHICH BENEFITS YOUR DAUGHTER'S CHILDREN.

so fucking tired of this guy. it is, quite literally, his fault that we have financial issues.

at this rate I js hope the roof crushes me in my sleep when it inevitably falls in on itself. that would be mercy.

[bluishorange]

…

[kenni-woodard]

I'm convinced I'm insufferable.

I'm super triggered. And it really sucks a lot. Especially because idk what I'm supposed to do with being triggered. Like I'm a person who wants to work on their own shit and not drag other people into their misery.

Idk. I'm just confused. My brain is on overdrive doing the absolute most coming to the worst conclusions with little evidence. It's so exhausting though.

cw passive sui ideation. Negative self talk

It just makes me not want to be here anymore. Then I would be out of everyone's hair and out of my own hair. My parents would be sad. I think there are some other people who would be sad too, but maybe they don't understand that I get like this. I think if they did they would maybe reach out or reply better / more often? I feel like such a turd for being so upset that people don't reply to me or communicate in the way I would want them to, especially since I know they're probably not replying because they're exhausted from life too. I'm not even upset with them about it. I'm upset at myself for being so worthless and needy. It's not anyone's responsibility to make sure my abandonment / neglect trauma isn't triggered. It's 100% mine. It just hurts a lot. Kind of too much to bear by myself it feels like sometimes. Maybe I need to learn to not assume that people not talking to me as much doesn't mean they hate me or find me annoying. It's just really hard when there are so many other times I can recount when it *did* mean that. Or at least when the impact made it feel like that.

People just kind of forget about me. And as a result, my needs aren't met. Because I'm invisible. Which makes me feel like I'm not contributing enough to the lives of people around me to be worthy of being seen. Since being present and existing isn't enough. Ugh. I'm so exhausted. And I'm crying when I should be working. I'm so tired.

[mysteriouslyweepingasteria]

I want my father to be the first one too see my bloodied, bruised and wounded body adorned with a sinister smile on my pale face when he sees my dead body after I commit suicide. I want my mother to read all my letters written to her in secret and while she reads those letters her I want her soul to pierce open. I want my brother to get money, freedom and peace the day I die. I want my brother to get the love he wants in his life. I want the world to shudder when they see my dead eyes while I'm lifeless, my rage should be felt .i want everyone to see the monster i am as I want to haunt everyone. I want to haunt everyone. I want to haunt every human when I commit suicide