#cw passive sui ideation

[bramblebeau]

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[kenni-woodard]

cw: passive sui ideation

I have been a scared, overwhelmed child my entire life. Highly sensitive. And it feels like it has to be my fault that I'm so overwhelmed all the time because nothing seems to help. It makes a person feel like they don't really belong in this world. Because everyone's response seems to just be "suck it up" and I just feel like I can't.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

I had a rather absurd, but no less interesting idea.

Delta may not like that his friends, Epic and Color, are constantly hanging out with villains like Killer and Cross, but he understands one thing - as long as the nightmare is alive, he will not leave them alone. And he decides to take a suicidal step, or rather, to end the nightmare.

and I imagine it as it was in the Matrix. When Neo fought Agent Smith, and the scene where Neo destroys Agent Smith when he entered him.

If you take into account that Delta can cause a blast wave, and a bright light when he takes on an orange form. Perhaps this will not destroy Nightmare, but returning him to a state when he was not an ink octopus, then this is a more likely outcome. Or one of them will die.

(the idea is of course absurd, and at the level of fan fiction, but I think the crazier the idea, the more beautiful it is.)

What are your thoughts on this?

Gotta be honest, chief, I have never watched the Matrix, but I think this is an interesting idea. Especially with the HC that Delta is apart of the Star Sanses.

So maybe it’s a planned final stand. Maybe they’re planning to either kill or cure nightmare of his corruption or die trying. or at least most of the troops planning to go will likely die, and so its for that reason that its a voluntary thing, led by the stars finally regrouped at least for this moment.

and delta decides to join. maybe he’s hit the lowest point and just doesnt know where to go anymore. color and epic are moving on without him, and this seems to be the next step to keep the multiverse safe. so he does.

Does he tell epic and color? Probably not. He will likely try to spend one last day with them before sneaking off to what is likely going to be his death.

and there will be major fallout on both a personal and multiverse wide scale depending on what happens during the battle. Worse case scenario is that everyone dies, nightmare wins and reclaims killer, and the multiverse succumbs to negativity.

best case scenario is that the major players at least live—dream, swap, ink, delta—and nightmare is cured of corruption. but how will nightmare and dream navigate their new lives together, and how will delta be able to face his friends now that they know what he was planning to do.

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

i have had a single day of class and am ready for the semester to be over

[cirnocube]

Guys I’ve been clean from cutting for like 6 months because of my terrible fear of dying not even joking

I literally have access to all the things I need to do it too,,

What’s even funnier is that I’m suicidal and afraid of death wtf

[rantz-for-st0ry]

the body's dad is so fucking stuck up and entitled sometimes and it pissess me off sm.

keeping stuff under the cut today chat!! cw and tws in the tags.

he's driving home and he's ordering food on an app for us so I can hear him talk to himself as he orders. and, as he's checking out, he gets some kinda pop up about rounding his total up to help feed the homeless in America.

and this mother fucker goes "No. No, fuck that. You should be giving me free meals."

(all you/yours/etc are towards the body's dad) YOU ARE PERFECTLY FUCKING CAPABLE OF BUYING MEALS FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. THAT DONATION IS FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE HOMELESS. WHO DON'T HAVE JOBS AND CANT GET THEM. YOU HAVE A JOB AND A HOME AND MAKE OVER 50 DOLLARS AN HOUR. IF YOU DIDN'T SPEND ALL OF YOUR FUCKING MONEY ON CIGARETTES AND MONSTERS AND 20 DOLLAR SIX PACKS OF ICE CREAM SANDWICHES AND GAMBLING AND SUBSCRIPTION SERVICES THAT WE DON'T NEED, THEN WE WOULDN'T HAVE FINANCIAL PROBLEMS. Y'KNOW, YOU COULD HAVE EXTRA MONEY TO DO FUN THINGS WITH YOUR KIDS OR HAVE SOME 'YOU TIME', OR HELP MY BROTHER BUY A CAR AND GO TO COLLEGE?? OR, I DUNNO, SAVE UP FOR A NEW HOUSE? SO THAT YOUR CHRONICALLY ILL CHILDREN DON'T HAVE TO LIVE IN A HOUSE INFESTED WITH SICKENING AMOUNTS OF BLACK MOLD AND LEAKING ROOFS AND SINKING FLOORS? SO THAT YOUR GRANDSON DOESN'T RISK FALLING THROUGH THE FUCKING FLOOR WHEN HE'S PLAYING IN YOUR LIVING ROOM? BUT INSTEAD YOU CHOOSE TO SPEND YOUR MONEY ON ALL THIS SHIT, NONE OF WHICH BENEFITS YOU, NONE OF WHICH BENEFITS YOUR CHILDREN, NONE OF WHICH BENEFITS YOUR DAUGHTER'S CHILDREN.

so fucking tired of this guy. it is, quite literally, his fault that we have financial issues.

at this rate I js hope the roof crushes me in my sleep when it inevitably falls in on itself. that would be mercy.

[mysteriouslyweepingasteria]

I want my father to be the first one too see my bloodied, bruised and wounded body adorned with a sinister smile on my pale face when he sees my dead body after I commit suicide. I want my mother to read all my letters written to her in secret and while she reads those letters her I want her soul to pierce open. I want my brother to get money, freedom and peace the day I die. I want my brother to get the love he wants in his life. I want the world to shudder when they see my dead eyes while I'm lifeless, my rage should be felt .i want everyone to see the monster i am as I want to haunt everyone. I want to haunt everyone. I want to haunt every human when I commit suicide

[arandombiped]

gonna get a little personal on this one, so I’m putting it under the cut

it’s a bit of a play on one post I saw forever ago that was kinda like “at least I’m not 14” also! If you can help me find that post I would love to give credit where credits due. This is kind of my long rant on how i survived being 14

(ALSO!! cw/tw for covid/pandemic, sh and sui ideation)

I saw something once that said something along the lines of “life is hell right now, but at least I’m not 14.” Not in a way to diss 14 year olds (or anyone who is a teenager), but as a way of saying, “being 14 sucked.”

when I was 14, I struggled with passive suicidal ideation. I would often count the days between times I would sh to keep a streak. I was trying my hardest to want to keep going. I had very recently realized I was queer, and my life as I knew it had already been thrown out the window by Covid. Because when I was 13, I was ready for life to be over. I had tried asking for help from my parents, but I was told I was “too young” to be depressed. My world was falling apart, and I didn’t even know who I was anymore.

being 14 sucks. You’re stuck between being a kid and being an adult. you have 4 years until you can make the Big Decisions and be independent, but you have to survive that long. You’re just trying to figure out what’s going on. And also pre-algebra got thrown in the mix somewhere just for some extra spice.

Let me offer an honest ounce of hope. I am 17. I have less than 6 months until I am an adult. It gets better.

My parents didn’t take me seriously, but guess who did? I did. I talked with school counselors until I could convince my parents that therapy could help. Barely anyone was there for me when I started exploring my sexuality and identity in general, so you know what I did? I got a TrevorSpace account. I found my first online family. My friends didn’t know how to handle queerness in their lives, so you know what I did? I taught them. If they didn’t accept it? They were no longer allowed to be invasive of my generosity.

A lot of this is work, and I know it’s hard and it’s stressful and it’s vulnerable. But I got to know myself, and I grew to like them quite a bit.

If you are 14, stuck in a rut, or otherwise just here, know this: it gets better. Take a minute to see the person you are. Think of all the things you want to do. Nothing coming to mind? That’s fine too. After working a couple of jobs, I’ve realized a lot of people (even adults!) have no idea what’s going on. Most of us are making it up as we go.

My best advice? Let time pass. So far, you have a 100% survival rate, and I strongly believe you can keep that up. Gravitate towards what makes you happy. Pick up whatever hobby, drop it in a month (or a week), buy a fun snack, wear whatever clothes, cuddle a plushie, find a neat fandom, try out new pronouns, date whoever, don’t date anyone, get a new name, whatever floats your goat. The pain wants to last, and it might stay around for a while. Hell, I still have days where I think I’m better off dead. But as Cave Johnson once wisely said,

“All right, I've been thinking, when life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade! Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who’s gonna burn your house down - with the lemons!”

all that to say, life is worth living. You are worthy of life. Even if you don’t think you are, well, you’re here anyway and you might as well combust some lemons. You deserve love and care and support. Not everyone is going to give it to you, and some people are going to make things worse. But you really gotta get mad. Life isn’t fair. So scream your lungs out and cry and crawl your way through and just generally be mad about it until you can make it fair. Because one day you will be able to. (I, personally, will be doing a lot more social justice work once I’m not in a conservative household. I’ll probably dye my hair ten million colors and get my relatives mad at me, but what do I care? They won’t get to have an opinion once I’m older.)

Being 14 sucks sometimes, so you have to make it to 15. then 16. then 17. then 18. fight your way there, then you can do anything.

Stay alive. Stay strong. Stay safe. Keep going. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. It’s so worth it.

Sincerely, 17

[kenni-woodard]

I'm so overwhelmed. I have things I need to do, hobbies waiting for me...but I'm (cw sui ideation)

Passively suicidal so nothing seems to be important enough to action. I should have talked to my therapist about it today but I didn't for some reason. I will reach out to her and see if I can meet up with her again.

I am frustrated with myself. Self hatred is really loud these days.

I have some journaling I wanted to do to document how lovely my birthday was but I can't seem to start. I have a to-do list to prep for my trip. I need to apply for a different job / start putting myself out there as a technical writer. I need to clean and figure out sustainable food sources. But it all seems so pointless. doesn't help that I really just feel like I need to take a really long nap.