#byvs

[rock-and-compass]

Angel - Episode 5.11 – Damage

Precursor - I wrote about the fifth season of Angel many years ago - probably around the time that the season 8 comics were first being published. I originally published these meta essays over on LiveJournal and I've decided to re-post them (as written), mostly for archival reasons. I love season 5 of Angel. It's such a shame it got axed before it could get the envisioned 6th and 7th series

Once upon a time there was a little girl called Dana. She was a nice, normal little girl with a nice, normal life. But when she was ten years old her family was brutally murdered. Dana was abducted, imprisoned for months on end during which time she was abused and tortured by the killer. Somehow, she managed to escape but she was never the same again. She was damaged beyond repair. The kindest thing that could be done for Dana was to put her in an institution and keep her sedated to give her poor, tormented soul some peace. Somewhere, deep in her numbed brain, she dreamed. She dreamed dreams of girls and monsters and heroics and death. Those dreams stayed locked inside. She was safe in her tranquilised refuge; safe from monsters and murderers and molesters and…dreams.  She was safe for fifteen years. And then, suddenly, things changed. . . Damage is an episode about consequences, seen and unseen. It’s about the past, present and future colliding, intersecting, converging, reminding us of the influence each one exerts over the other, of choices made, of roads taken, of regrets, of mistakes and how we are complex products of these interactions. As Darla once said with great effect:

“What we once were informs all that we have become.”

Damage opens with a minor crisis at a psychiatric ward. There has been a mix-up with the medication; Phillip has been given Thorazine, a sedative, instead of his usual Lithium. The doctor on call wants to know who got the Lithium by mistake. His question is answered by the sound of crashing and banging coming from one of the rooms. The banging stops. With the silence the doctor and nurses breathe a sigh of relief. It's short lived. At the far end of the corridor a door is thrown violently off its hinges to reveal a crazed young woman, breathing heavily and looking menacing. She walks from her cell towards the doctor and his assistants. They back off; keen to get away from the dangerous patient. The girl sees a hypodermic syringe in the doctor’s hand, senses danger and attacks. She punches and orderlies as the doctor retreats. A guard tries to retaliate but makes no impact on the girl. She sees a surgical implement, a saw, on a nearby trolley; she grabs it and cuts purposefully into the neck of one of the men. The clearly audible cracking and crunching of the bone and cartilage leaves no doubt, she has decapitated him. With bloodied fingers she ritualistically draws five lines down her face. It’s primitive and brutal.

Gunn walks the corridor of Wolfram and Hart like he owns the place, cell phone glued to his ear, legalistic jargon rolling off his tongue. He’s confident, Über confident; so confident that he’ll take on the District Attorney to win his case. Fred wonders if this is wise, but hey, what’s a D.A. compared to the power of Wolfram and Hart? Gunn was given the power of knowledge by the firm and he’s proving himself the most adept of the former Angel Investigations team at embracing, not only the gift but the opportunity that the move to Wolfram and Hart afforded. He tells Fred that half the cases that cross their desks are settled on the golf course and never see the inside of a courtroom:

Fred: Nine holes instead of a jury of your peers. Just what the founding fathers had in mind. Gunn: Well, sometimes you gotta work the system before it works you

And Gunn’s certainly working the system. Not for him are trivial ideals such as the constitutional right to legal voice and the principles of democracy. He’s got power; he made a choice to use it. But still he feels the need to defend his belief, his faith in what they are doing:

>Gunn:  Look, I know our move to Wolfram & Hart hasn't been all flowers and candy, but we've been able to do some serious good while we're here. Lives saved, disasters averted, with all our fingers and souls still attached. End of the day, I'm thinking we made the right choice.

Some serious good, even if the rules have to be bent to achieve it. For Gunn, the end justifies the means. But Angel’s not so sure. He’s back to thinking they made a mistake in coming here. The events of Soul Purpose have got him wondering, thinking, got him looking inward and not liking what he sees. Got him questioning why they are there – yet again. And yet again he can’t enlighten his team. That would necessitate a rather awkward explanation. Leading to all kinds of “you did what to our memories?!” But the truth is safe for the moment. They are all too preoccupied with Eve and her suspected betrayal to question Angel about his concerns with their tenancy at Wolfram and Hart. The rest of the team wants her fired, can’t believe that Angel hasn’t done it already. Gunn warns against such rash action using lawyer-talk words like ‘alleged’ and ‘evidence’ and the promise of a long bloody fight with her if they make a premature move. And that hits home. She’s not the ideal person to let loose with a burning grudge. She knows a thing or two about Angel and his awkward secret that he really doesn’t want to become public knowledge, ever. He concedes that Gunn’s safely-safely approach is their only option. Harmony breaks into the deliberations with news of an escapee from a psychiatric hospital. It’s of concern to Wolfram and Hart because of the suspicion that the patient in question is demonically possessed. They’ve had a few of these cases before, it requires finesse, so Angel will handle it. He goes to the hospital alone to assess the situation. 

At the hospital two lifts open in perfect unison to reveal not only Angel in one, but Spike in the other. It is a great analogy for the rest of the episode and indeed Spike and Angel themselves, arriving at the same destination from very different routes… but more on that later. The coincidence makes Spike laugh and wonder if Angel is checking himself in after the little parasite messed with his brain. Angel finds no humour in the situation:

Angel:  What are you doing here Spike?  Spike:  Didn't get the memo? Hero of the people now.  Angel:  Oh, then go and annoy them.  Spike:  When I'm done. Heard one of the simples went for a stroll.  Angel:  And I'll get her back without your help.  Spike:  Goody for you, 'cause, uh, not offering it.  Angel:  Look, shouldn't you be out in the streets, you know, protecting the city from people like you? Spike:  Go where I'm needed.  Angel: Well, which isn't here.

In just five lines of dialogue Angel manages to speak five phrases of dismissal to Spike. He makes it patently clear that he doesn’t want his wayward ‘grandchild’ anywhere in the vicinity of his person, has no faith in his ability to do the job and expresses his doubt that Spike has changed at all. Despite his best-efforts Angel fails in his objective. Spike stubbornly stays though now with a freshly fueled desire to prove the old bastard wrong. Again. They both get shown the escapee’s room. The walls are covered with child-like drawings of monsters and beasts, many of whom are being confronted by a lone girl. The doctor explains the circumstances of the case:

Doctor: She was a special case. Her family was murdered in their home when she was 10. Whoever did it took Dana... and tortured her for months. She was found one day naked and bleeding, wandering the streets. Barely functional, nearly catatonic ever since…. Several months ago her condition changed. Increasing levels of agitation accompanied by explosive outbursts of inhuman strength.

Spike decides on demon possession as the likely explanation (although why he doesn't hit on the obvious answer is a bit frustrating, character-wise). The doctor ridicules the suggestion, and Angel agrees that he’s not helping, consequently Spike rushes off with no forethought as to what he’s actually going to do, just determination to find the girl, to show Angel what he’s made of, the impetuousness of youth in action. Angel is not so easily satisfied. Experience tells him there’s more to know and he wants the full story and he needs to help her, because she’s a little girl robbed from her family, taken into hell, deranged by the experience. To Angel, at this moment, she’s not Dana, she’s Connor, lost and needing to be rescued. It cuts too close to home. 

One of the nurses turns out to be a fount of information. It seems that the doctor has videotaped all his sessions with Dana and she’s only too happy to show him if it means she can get her foot in the door at Wolfram and Hart, that’s why she tipped them off in the first place. 

As Angel watches videos, Dana stands in a grocery store eating cakes straight from the packet. The clerk tells her, quite nicely, that she’ll have to pay for them, but Dana has no patience for the interference. She grabs his arm and twists it obscenely until it breaks, sending the unsuspecting boy to his knees in pain. Completely immune to the fact that she’s just maimed the store clerk, Dana walks over to the clothes section. She selects jeans and a black t-shirt. Looking at the t-shirt triggers a flashback, a memory of a man also wearing a black t-shirt, walking past a cringing little girl, walking to a tool bench, looking at various, bloodied implements, choosing a saw, standing over the little girl with the promise of threat and menace.  An armed security guard corners Dana, points his gun at her nervously. He doesn’t want to hurt her. Dana has no such compunction. As soon as she feels threatened, she reacts. It’s instinctive. Trouble is she hasn’t the capacity to distinguish between help and harm. And as she leaves the supermarket wearing her freshly appropriated clothing, we see that her saw, the one she took from the hospital, is covered in fresh blood. We don’t think the security guard survived his encounter with Dana. 

On the doctor’s videotapes are recordings of Dana during her therapy sessions. She’s wild and uncontrollable, so much so that she’s straight jacketed. She spews forth frenzied, unintelligible rants in a multitude of languages. She’s like a caged animal. She does seem possessed. Then they come to a segment that Angel understands; it’s Romani. He understands it all too well and it brings enlightenment, helps him understand what they are dealing with. So, Dana morphs again, metaphorically speaking. No longer his relinquished son, suddenly she’s taking him further back, right back to a Gypsy girl, to a curse and the very beginnings of ‘Angel’ as opposed to ‘Angelus’ and she’s why he has to do what he does. Make amends, balance the scales. She’s the embodiment of victims' past – every single one of them. 

The police have swarmed to the supermarket. Ambulances are in attendance too. But there is no sign of Dana, just the bloody mess she left behind. Spike arrives, assesses the scene quickly, surreptitiously drops to the pavement, touches the blood, inhales the scent and walks away. He’s got vampire senses and he’s not afraid to use them.  Angel takes a much more detached approach. He calls Wesley, orders back-up; a ‘technical assault team’ with a ‘non-lethal ordinance’. Angel has Wolfram and Hart resources and he’s not afraid to use them. Was there ever any other way?

But Spike finds her faster - wants to fight the demon out of the poor, mistreated little girl. He slips into game face, which as it turns out was not the best move to make. Angel reveals to Wesley that Dana is not possessed, she’s not a demon, in the videos she was yelling about being chosen. She’s a vampire slayer. 

Dana looks at Spike and smiles; it’s a little maniacal sure, but it exudes confidence. He’s toast. She has no fear. She was born to kill these fiends. She’s a slayer. Spike and Dana fight. He still thinks he’s trying to get a demon to appear. But she knows the rules. She grabs a splinter of wood and tries to plunge it into his chest. He grabs her hand and prevents the piercing. She speaks to him in Chinese, words he’s heard before. He even replies with the exact same words he used over one hundred years ago, “Sorry love, I don’t speak Chinese”, but still he doesn’t realise, doesn’t make the connection with what has gone before. He doesn’t realise that he’s been thrust back in time and is fighting his slayer from the Boxer Rebellion all over again. This one has a different outcome. Spike ends up being thrown out a window, landing with a thud and a shower of glass on the concrete below as Angel finally arrives on the scene.

Somewhere between that alley and the Wolfram and Hart office Angel tells Spike exactly what the problem is; a psychotic slayer:

Angel:  And you let her get away.  Spike: At least I was trying to stop her.  Angel: Oh, how'd that work out?  Spike: At least I know the game, now, don't I? I killed two slayers with my own hands. Think I can handle one that's gone daft in the melon. 

Those slayers are still his claim to fame, even with the soul. They are something that even the great Angelus can’t boast. Once it was about killing them, chasing the most challenging fights, fights with no certainty of victory, for the sheer thrill. Now he’s saying he can find Dana because he knows slayers; knows them better than Angel. But Angel doesn’t want his help:

Angel: You're not handling anything, Spike. OK? Wes contacted Rupert Giles. He's sending his top guy to retrieve her

Notice that word ‘retrieve’ - “He's sending his top guy to retrieve her”, we’ll come back to that later too. They enter the conference room. Wesley, Gunn, Fred and Lorne are already assembled. Oh, and Rupert Giles’ “top guy” is none other than Andrew, one time third of the evil trio who was reluctantly adopted into Buffy’s gang after he expressed willingness to alter his wicked ways. Andrew spins around in his swivel chair and is stunned to see Spike. He’s happy to see Spike . . . okay ecstatic might be more accurate:

Andrew: Spike?  It's you. It's really you! My therapist thought I was holding onto false hope, but... I knew you'd come back. You're like... you're like Gandalf the White, resurrected from the pit of the Balrog, more beautiful than ever. Ohh... he's alive, Frodo. He's alive. 

Andrew holds Spike in an emotional embrace, touches his face in awe and wonder then hugs him again and Spike … lets him. No words of rejection, no words designed to humiliate. Oh sure, Spike’s a little discomfited by this public display of affection but he doesn’t tell Andrew to stop. He endures it with good grace. Angel watches all this closely, with a guarded expression on his face. Here he is forced to see another perspective of Spike via someone who loves and values him, who is happy that he has managed to defy the ultimate death. And it has to be said, the comparison to Gandalf from the Lord of the Rings trilogy is priceless. Gandalf, a hobbit loving wizard, prone to bad habits that prevented his ascension to higher status until the sacrifice of his life to save his companions allows him to finally move from ‘grey’ to ‘white’. That someone, (including by implication Buffy) might view Spike as this glorious is strange and disturbing to Angel. It’s yet another contradiction to his staunchly held belief that Spike is incapable of change and that the whole ‘good’ Spike is nothing but a charade. Additionally, it’s also a little bit more confirmation of all those subconscious fears he's been feeling - fears of irrelevancy, failure, fears he’s been battling since he made the deal with Wolfram and Hart, that were exacerbated by Spike’s big comeback. Andrew, of course, wants to know how this is possible, but Angel, not wanting to be reminded of Spike’s other claim to fame, tells them to save the trip down memory lane for later. 

Andrew, ever the storyteller, gives the group the low down on slayer mythology. Nothing they didn’t already know, except for a deeper explanation of the phenomenon of slayer dreams (as shown in the original film of Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and how potential slayers experience vivid dreams of the heroics of slayers past as preparation for the possibility of becoming the one and only Chosen One. Dana is therefore at the mercy of her dreams. She has no capacity to separate fantasy from reality, dream slayers from herself, past from present. 

Andrew’s approach to Angel and his people does him no favours. He adopts his storytelling persona, imparts information that is known, cheekily denigrates Wesley and his ex-watcher status. It is quite clear that he is not Giles’ ‘top guy’ and Team Angel must suspect that they have been fobbed off with a substitute. Angel is openly sarcastic while the others snicker and roll their eyes at his antics. Lorne gets the discussion back on track by asking:

Lorne: Uh, wait. So if there's only one slayer, what is little miss whack-your-head-off doing scampering around? 

But hang on, didn’t Lorne spend a good portion of the season four episode “Orpheus” (A4.15) nursing Faith, a second vampire slayer, as she fought the effects of a powerful demon drug? Is this forgetfulness a consequence of the memory wipe or an inelegantly phrased inquiry as to Faith’s possible demise? (Or, the short memory of the script writer?) To answer the question, “Little Sunnydale surprise” Spike supplies with a nod of his head towards Andrew, encouraging him to continue with his tale:

Andrew:  Six months ago, Buffy, Vampyr Slayer extraordinaire, had her lesbian witch make with the beaucoup de magie. One light show later...  Angel: All the potentials become slayers. 

It is open to interpretation as to whether Angel knew about the ‘Sunnydale surprise’ beforehand. If his words are read as completing Andrew’s explanation then, he does indeed already know about it but has failed to share this information with anybody in his team, not even Wesley, who as a former Watcher would naturally be interested in such a huge development. If his words are translated as anticipating the rest of Andrew’s sentence, then this means that he didn’t know and that he’s only learning about it now along with everybody else. This would also mean that Buffy hadn’t told him - Told him about Spike’s demise, but not about the expansion of the sisterhood. Either way, kinda big details are being left out by somebody. Wesley is full of admiration for the strategy describing it as ‘brilliant’. But then by wondering how hundreds of slayers could possibly receive their proper training without the aid of the Watcher’s Council betrays his stance on how the Watcher-Slayer dynamic should work. Once a Watcher…

But Wes need not worry; Mr. Giles and a few key Sunnydale alumni have been busy rounding up the recently chosen. Andrew claims Dana is an anomaly that no one could have foreseen but that’s not strictly true. Surely the possibility that not every potential was equipped for a life of Slayerdom should have occurred to them? During season seven of Buffy the potentials that arrived at Revello Drive came from very different spheres of life, different circumstances. Transfer this to a world scale, post-empowerment and it is not only possible, but indeed likely that some chosen ones would have problems or issues that make them unsuitable for the duty. And, hey, does anyone remember an ‘anomaly’ called Faith? Surely her history alone made the possibility of a ‘Dana’ or others like her a realistic consideration. 

What we are really seeing here is the consequences of the Sunnydale spell. In season seven, Buffy came up with the idea of empowering the potentials as a last resort. She had a mission and that’s all that mattered. Her need was immediate. Magically activating the Potentials allowed her to wage war on behalf of the world. She gave a stirring speech, offered them a choice, and gave them power. That was fine for the girls who were there, in the living room with Buffy but the spell was far more far reaching, affecting girls all over the world and therefore so are the consequences. Dana is one exploration of this, ‘The Chain'' written by Joss Whedon (Dark Horse Comics, Season 8, #5) is another in which the unnamed Slayer specifically says she didn’t get a choice, she got chosen. The empowerment spell was not all cake and ice-cream because, as Spike once warned, there are always consequences with magic. Unfortunately for Dana, the result of the empowerment is that she’s no longer an innocent victim, kept quiet and safe in her hospital ward, now she is a murderer, a super strong killer with no moral boundaries. Her power has allowed her to choose (with her impaired capabilities) not to be weak, but in doing so she chooses to use that strength to kill. 

So, when they put all the information together, Dana’s sudden awakening, the super strength, the dreams, the languages, the instinctual ability, it all makes perfect sense:

Spike: Explains why that skirt was yapping at me in Chinese. Must've thought she was the slayer I took out back in the Boxer Rebellion.

Causing Angel to take a pot shot from his vantage point way, way up on the high moral ground: 

Angel: You mean the slayer you murdered. 

Like he’s innocent of heinous crimes just because he hasn’t killed a slayer! It’s like the proverbial pot calling the kettle black. And one might argue that in the case of slayers, at least Spike went for targets that knew the score, could fight back, defend themselves, and had a better than average chance of actually winning. And for Spike, with the risk came the thrill. Not like Angelus who chose his victims for entirely different purposes. Different routes, same objective, even when they were evil. Spike excuses his past actions by virtue of the fact that he didn’t have a soul then to which Angel replies:

Angel: Right, 'cause having one now is making such a difference

It’s the ultimate insult. The denigration of his hard-won soul is too much for Spike to take and once again, Angel’s slur drives him from the room. He leaves the corporates to it, determined to get the job done himself. To his credit, Angel seems to realise that he’s gone too far. He follows Spike into the foyer to stop his rash departure, arguing that they are the last two people who should be confronting Dana because she is a slayer who doesn’t understand the existence of good Vampyrs, and that she exists solely to kill their kind:

Spike:  Dance of death. Eternal struggle. Right. Got it.

He’s danced this dance before; it’s all he’s ever done. 

Angel: You will...when she's staking you in the heart. 

And if we suspected it before, thought we sensed the echo, now we’re certain. A conversation had in a mineshaft over a hundred years before still resonates with meaning and significance all the way here in the twenty-first century:

Spike: Yeah, you know what I prefer to being hunted? Getting caught. Angelus: That's a brilliant strategy really... pure cunning. Spike: Sod off! Come on. When was the last time you unleashed it? All out fight in a mob, back against the wall, nothing but fists and fangs? Don't you ever get tired of fights you know you're going to win? Angelus: No. A real kill. A good kill. It takes pure artistry. Without that, we're just animals.

The threat of a stake doesn’t deter the impetuous Spike. He quickly corrects Angel’s misconception that he doesn’t know what he’s dealing with: 

Spike: What do you want me to do? Go all boo-hoo 'cause she got tortured and driven out of her gourd? Not like we haven't done worse back in the day.  Angel: Yeah, and it's something I'm still paying for.  Spike: And you should let it go, mate. It's starting to make you look old

One can’t get his eyes off the victims, only with the soul they afford no pleasure; it translates into infinite remorse, it drives his quest for redemption. The other can’t spare a backward glance. The thrill was in the chase, the fight and besides, that guy, the one who did that bit-o-bad, he simply doesn’t exist anymore, won’t return, no need to look back is there, can’t change it anyway. Again, we have a situation in which Spike and Angel could learn a lesson from the other. Angel is too fixated with what he was, what he still could be. While for Spike the occasional look behind him would subdue that well practiced arrogance and increase his compassion for the helpless he’s trying to help.

Dana is down at the docks. She’s alone and she’s scared and remembering the past; a dark room, a metal box, herself as a child, screaming. The memories upset her. A dock worker sees her, asks her if she needs some help. He’s trying to help but Dana doesn’t understand. At Wolfram and Hart Angel has the team on deck but its slow going:

Angel: M-maybe Spike was right. Maybe we should just get out there and find her. 

Okay, so when Spike’s not around Angel can admit he’s not a complete moron and also, maybe, he’s just a little bit envious, that Spike’s out there working the streets while he’s constrained by his gilded cage. But Fred asks a pertinent question. Then what? What do they do with her once they’ve found her? It does raise the question of what Spike will do with her once he finds her; suspect he didn’t think that far ahead.  He’s too determined to prove a point to think about minor details like how to restrain a psychotic vampire slayer. Even with Wolfram and Harts copious resources there is no quick fix, no way to find the girl with any precision. Lorne suggests talking to the house where it all began, Dana’s childhood home. Angel wants to get Andrew in on the plan, but he is nowhere to be found. Andrew, of course, has followed his hero.

Spike: What are you doing out here, Andrew?  Andrew:  This is where the action is, bro, on the mean streets. Can you dig it? 

Spike makes one attempt to get Andrew to go away because there is no time for games, this is a serious situation, but Andrew argues that he’s changed too. He’s stronger, faster, 82% more manly but ruins the effect by tripping over Dana’s latest victim (the unfortunate dock worker) and going to jelly.

At Dana’s house Angel and Lorne have enlisted the services of a psychic to communicate with the house. He touches the walls and feels fear, pain and anguish, sees flashes of Dana’s parents and a baby sibling being tormented and killed. He needed them to suffer. And for a fleeting moment we feel the presence of Angelus, another killer who needed his victims to suffer. They share a modus operandi. The psychic continues. He sees a flash of a little girl, trying to be invisible, silent as she hides under the bed, but the predator senses her all the same. Suddenly there’s the shadow of a little girl in a coal bin trying to be quiet (Crush, B5.14) and do you have any idea of what he’s done to girls Dawn’s age (Never Leave Me, B7.09). It’s not difficult to realise that Dana could be the product of Angel or Spike. That Dana is a prime example of the handy-work they used to undertake, that they were experts in the art of killing. It’s easy to forget what they were, back in the day, but Dana reminds us. It can be uncomfortable having a couple of vampires as the central heroes of the text. But the psychic is able to provide one last pair of clues – molasses and a basement.

Dana descends some stairs to a dingy, dirty basement. It’s a place she knows. She has returned to the scene of the crime, to where her pain lives. She goes to an old vent, removes the grill and retrieves a metal box. In the box is a collection of vials and hypodermic syringes. As she looks at the contents of the box she has a flash of memory, of a man taking a needle, preparing it for use. ”Let’s try the blue one this time”, says her captor as he kneels before a trembling little Dana. And then we see what we’ve been half expecting. Her tormentor is Spike. 

Andrew and Spike walk along the docks and finally we get some news on the Scoobies, even if it is just a smidgen. Xander is in Africa, Willow is in Brazil. Giles is most likely in London, judging by the Union Jack on Andrew’s sandwich bag. Andrew asks what blood smells like; Spike tells him it is metallic, like sucking on a penny. But it’s not the topic of conversation that’s interesting here, it’s the communication. Andrew asks a question, Spike answers. No sarcasm, no annoyance, just honest answers. It allows Spike to ask about the one person he really wants to know about:

Spike: So, uh...you heard from Buffy lately?  Andrew: Yeah. Of course, uh...she's in Rome. Dawn's in school there. Italian school. 

Apparently she was rounding up slayers in Italy and decided she liked it. She needed a break from California. And the other Scoobies, judging by the far-flung locations of the globe they are all residing. Then Andrew realises:

Andrew: …Wait a minute. She doesn't know you're alive, does she?  Spike:  I don't think so. I mean... I don't know. Does she?  Andrew: No. N-no. She can't. I mean... I—I would've heard about it. We would've had a conference call. Why haven't you told her?  Spike: "Hello, Buffy. It's Spike. I didn't burn up like you thought. How are things?"  Andrew: Uh...do you want me to tell her? 'Cause I—I'm really good with those...uh, delicate personal—  Spike: No. Don't tell her. I'll take care of it.

But he doesn’t. Spike doesn’t tell Buffy that he’s alive and other things get in the way, and we’re left with the assumption that Andrew does in fact spill the beans because by the time Spike and Buffy do come face to face once more, she knows and has known for some time (Season 8 #36/37).  So, they continue to walk the mean streets together. Dana watches them from a rooftop very much as Spike did to Angel in `In the Dark” (A1.03). The hunted has become the hunter.

So, what we really have here is a study of two relationships. Two sets of metaphorical brothers if you will. The first Angel and Spike have a long and checkered history. It’s a relationship that has been founded on a hierarchy, a dominance-subservience dynamic that has tainted the whole connection. It’s competitive, it’s untrusting, it’s sometimes violent. It brings out the worst in both Angel and Spike. Angel is always at his petty best, his most arrogant, his most dictatorial when Spike is in the room. And Spike, well he is just painfully obnoxious, annoying and snarky whenever Angel is in the vicinity. We know it’s just Angel that brings out these traits so profoundly. The writers have been at pains to show us this. His dealings with other people, with Fred, with Pavaynne, with Eve, with Lindsey and with Andrew demonstrate this. When he’s interacting with others, good, bad or indifferent, then we get to see the real Spike, Buffy season seven Spike. The really affecting aspect of Spike and Angel’s relationship is that, beneath the surface, beneath the cycle of rejection, vicious words and taunting there is real longing. While this is particularly obvious on Spike’s side it’s not completely absent from Angel either. Spike longs for recognition and acceptance from Angel, wants it more than just about anything.  Angelus was always a source of inspiration to the younger vampire and the addition of a soul, and a change of team hasn’t changed that. But for Angel, Spike has the potential to be an ally, someone who understands what it means to be a vampire with a soul in this world of evil. He is a source of hope that the demon inside can be defeated, he is a son to be proud of, he’s a legacy… and yet, Angel cannot bring himself to see anything but what was. Angel has his blinkers on and refuses to take them off, so the relationship is prevented from moving forward because of Angel’s steadfast refusal to accept that Spike has changed and acknowledge him as an equal. So instead, it stays mired in the same repetitive, unproductive pattern of butting heads, mocking and denial. 

In complete contrast to this is the Spike and Andrew dynamic. Spike and Andrew’s relationship is of a shorter duration and is certainly not as intense as Spike and Angel’s is, but it can still teach a lesson or two. Spike first encountered Andrew when he asked Warren Mears to examine his chip in “Smashed” (B6.09). Unbeknownst to Spike, Andrew, Jonathan and Warren had recently decided to team up to become super villains and take over Sunnydale. Andrew made no impact on Spike whatsoever, but the vampire left a strong impression on Andy. In “Entropy” (B6.18) when the trio see a video feed of Spike and Anya engaged in sexual intercourse, Andrew’s first observation is that Spike is ‘so cool’. Later when he’s doing the First Evil’s bidding in “Sleeper” (B7.08) he dresses like Spike to build confidence, long leather duster and all. In “Never Leave Me” (B7.09), Spike, himself under the influence of the First, takes a great hulking chunk out of Andrew’s neck. For the remainder of the season, they are two of the many house guests at Revello Drive, Andrew as a ‘guestage’ and Spike as the basement dwelling vampire in residence. In Empty Places (B7.19) they are sent on a covert mission together to find out more about the evil Caleb. Where others at the house lose patience with Andrew easily, Spike displays tolerance and fortitude (except when it is finally exhausted by a not very inspiring game of 'I Spy'). There is a lot of sub-textual empathy there too. Both know what it is like to be rejected, outsiders on the periphery of the Scoobies. Andrew lives vicariously through popular culture and Spike, the television addict, gets all those references, understands why he does it – he just keeps his inner geek on a much tighter leash than Andrew does. You see, in Andrew, Spike sees his human-self reflected. Andrew is what William would have been had he been born 150 years later. Where William expressed himself through bad poetry, so Andrew expresses himself through analogy with comics and films; each is a geek, but one that is a product of their time. This connection, this similarity is particularly strong in this episode. The physical resemblance between Andrew and Spike, (in the flashbacks to 1880 in Destiny) the hair, the colouring, are too obvious to ignore. Andrew here is Spike’s metaphorical little brother and Spike could give Angel a lesson on how this brother thing is done. Patience, kindness, acceptance, honesty; these are the things that productive relationships are based on and Spike and Andrew show it.

Angel is back at the office and believes the key to finding Dana is to know more about her abductor, his name, his past, his whereabouts. Meanwhile Andrew and Spike have followed the trail of Dana into a dead end. Dana appears, knocks Spike aside and as Andrew is about to shoot her with a tranquiliser dart, knocks him out cold with a swift kick. Dana turns tail and runs out of the alley. Spike gets to his feet and chases after her. Dana lures him into her basement. She stands on the far side of the room looking nervous, scared. Spike tells her that he’s got her scent locked in, could track her for miles. “No escaping” Dana observes. “No escaping” Spike concurs. But exactly who’s not escaping is not so clear. No escaping for little Dana chained in the basement, no escaping for Spike who has been deliberately lured there, no escaping for slayer Dana who is a danger to herself and anyone unlucky enough to cross her path. This basement is the point of convergence for so many past events, it’s no wonder the roles get a bit confused.

In his approach to Dana Spike is surprisingly calm and gentle. He doesn’t want to hurt her, he even tells Dana he used to date a girl who wasn’t all there to try and gain her confidence, put her at ease. He also tries to explain why she has the visions, why she’s confused about who she is. But Dana is beyond comprehending any of this, she has too many personas fighting for control, confusing her:

Dana: Heart...and head. Have to get home. Doesn't hurt if you hold still

She talks as the slayer she is; a slayer past; as victim; as predator. And for Spike it’s not that much better. For him Dana represents mad Drusilla, the Chinese slayer, Niki Woods and Buffy all rolled into one. All these women who’ve in some way shaped and defined who he was, challenging him to redefine who he is now. Dana recognises him as what he was:

Dana: William the Bloody.  Spike:  No. No. No. That's not gonna lead anywhere good. You want to focus on what's real.

You want to focus on what’s real. Sure, it’s real enough that he killed the slayers once upon a time, but that Spike, that William the Bloody, simply doesn’t exist anymore, is not real anymore. This Spike, the real Spike is trying to help her; will help her if she’ll let him. But Dana is beyond help. She repeats the actions of her abductor. She drugs Spike, chains him up and tortures him, takes him apart bit by bit all the while repeating her tormentor's words – ‘don’t cry, they can’t hear you. Daddy’s gone. He can’t hear you. Piece by piece, yellow makes you weak, brown makes you sleepy.’ But then she says “Can’t hurt me anymore” and that’s the real Dana speaking. She’s trying to rewrite history, change it; make everything better.

At Wolfram and Hart they are still looking. Tactical are following the body trail but so far haven’t found her so Angel orders aerial surveillance, thermal imaging in to help to find her. The team decides to look at old city maps, for a distillery that might account for the smell of molasses. But none of it is necessary. Andrew appears:

Andrew: We were attacked. I think she got him. I think she got Spike.

Spike wakes. He is groggy but not confused. He knows that Dana has done something to him, though he’s not sure what. Dana still parrots her abuser telling Spike that if he stays quiet she’ll let him go. She’s holding her trusty saw again, looking a bit confused:

Dana: Losing all your pieces. Not weak….Can't touch me anymore.

Spike lifts his arms to reveal that his lower arms and hands have been sawn off. This is vengeance pure and simple. Dana has been wronged and, by sheer luck she was granted the power to fight back, to get revenge on the man who destroyed her. Now she’s able to fight back against her childhood weakness, against the fact that she was powerless:

Dana:  No more daddy... no more mommy... no more hands. Can't touch me ever again.

But Spike doesn’t know what she’s talking about. He never touched her and he tells her so. Dana punches him for his insolence:

Spike: Stop. Stop. You got it wrong. Your brain's all jumbled. I never hurt you. It wasn't me. I've done my share of bad, but you're not one of 'em. It's someone else. You've got me confused with another man.

Spike admits he’s done wrong but he won’t wear the blame for Dana’s abuse. He doesn’t extend to her the right of judgement, that distinction he already gave that to another slayer, while he was chained in another basement, but that slayer offered mercy and faith whereas this one can only show malice. Spike tries to explain, that her memories and dreams are mixing, confusing her. Dana seems to comprehend. She listens, has some flashes of memory of Spike carrying her across the room but that memory is replaced by another, another man carrying her exactly the same way, another man, not Spike. But she still has memories of Spike. She speaks in Chinese again. 

Spike: Yeah. That's what you're remembering—other slayers.  Dana:  You killed her.  Spike:  yes, but… Dana:  You killed them both.  Spike:  That and worse. But I was never here.

In that moment, Dana understands, has a moment of clarity. She understands that she is not the other girls she sees in her dreams. They are separate and distinct. Now she is just a slayer and Spike is a vampire who has just made a very dangerous admission. She is a slayer and she intends to punish him for killing those girls, her sister slayers:

Dana:  Doesn't matter! Head and heart. Keep cutting till you see dust.

Before Dana can finish him off Angel arrives and forcibly thrusts her across the room. Angel tries to reason with her:

Angel:  Dana...look, I'm here to help you. The man who tried to hurt you? His name is Walter Kindel. He tried to rob a liquor store 5 years ago, and the police shot him. He—he's dead, Dana.

For Angel the all-important scales are balanced. The man who hurt Dana has received his just rewards. He’s dead. He can’t hurt her anymore. It should be simple, but it’s not. Dana is angry, she’s not weak anymore. She’s strong; slayer. A slayer with no rationale for what she does or why except for personal pain and an intuitive urge to kill the monsters, kill them all... and so she attacks. She lunges at Angel and they fight. At an opportune moment Angel holds Dana tightly and signals to Wesley to pump her full of tranquilisers. Only when Dana is under control, only then does Angel look at Spike, see his predicament and instantly orders medical aid. Fred sees Spike into the ambulance. He’s lucky; Wolfram and Hart have access to all kinds of medical procedures that will make re-attaching his hands a snap. Wesley and Angel emerge next with Dana, sedated and restrained on a gurney. Where they are taking her, what they are going to do with her is not made clear. It doesn’t matter. Andrew arrives on the scene saying he’ll take it from here:

Angel:  What?  Andrew: Totally appreciate your help on this one, big guy. Never could've found her without you, but you got enough problems of your own to worry about.  Angel:  Get outta the way, Andrew. 

But, that was the deal wasn’t it? Rupert Giles sent his top man to retrieve Dana, not Rupert Giles sent his top man to help catch Dana. Retrieve: to get back, regain, recover, reclaim. Angel knew this was the plan, so when did he change his mind? When he saw that Andrew was obviously not the ‘top man’ promised? When he saw that Andrew loved Spike?

“She’s one of ours, she’s a slayer”, Andrew says. He draws a line, divides them but Angel’s not buying it. That’s not how it works, Angel rescues, Angel helps the helpless. He doesn’t just do the retrieval work for others, and he certainly doesn’t hand them over to the likes of Andrew! But Andy has more balls than Angel gave him credit for. He won’t step down; he faces off with Angel:

Andrew: No. I don't think you... heard me, Angel. Think we're just gonna let you take her back to your evil stronghold? Well, as they say in Mexico... No. We're not...gonna... let you. 

Angel is equally as stubborn. He refuses to turn her over voluntarily. He doesn’t consider Andrew worthy or capable. But Andrew has backup. A dozen young women, slayers all, emerge from the darkness to stand behind him. Angel is still dismissive, Andy’s out of his league, doesn’t know the score. He’ll just clear this with Buffy. To which Andrew delivers his knockout argument, the fatal truth:

Andrew:  Where do you think my orders came from? News flash—nobody in our camp trusts you anymore. Nobody. You work for Wolfram & Hart. Don't fool yourself... we're not on the same side. Thank you for your help... but, uh...we got it.

Now that’s a kick in the guts he wasn’t expecting. The girl, the slayer, who set him on his path, gave him direction after countless years of aimless wandering in the wilderness; Buffy doesn’t trust him anymore because he works for Wolfram and Hart. That’s his problem. That’s the big problem he has to worry about. That his tenure at Wolfram and Hart has compromised him, made him untrustworthy even to those who had seemingly unshakable faith. That’s how far he’s come, or been taken, so far now that he’s facing in the opposite direction to Buffy and her people; they’re on opposite sides of the line. Big problem indeed. Angel is crushed to realise it, he can’t even argue. Andrew takes Dana into the care of the Chosen sisterhood.

Buffy has a very strong sub-textual presence in this episode. Andrew brings her with him when he arrives at Wolfram and Hart. She’s walking on the docks with Andrew and Spike too. She’s all Spike wants to know about, yet he won’t allow himself to reconnect. But she’s with Spike in the basement as he’s chained up, maimed, damaged and judged. She provides a positive image to Dana’s negative. And she’s there, bold as brass, almost tangible as she withdraws her trust from Angel. This last act caused much discussion within fan communities. Many wondered why Buffy would not help Angel when he was obviously in trouble, some even speculated that Andrew was lying, spurred on by his loyalty to Spike, and that Buffy and Angel’s relationship was business as usual. In reality, the loss of Buffy’s allegiance is not so surprising. Angel has told no one the real reason that he is at Wolfram and Hart. He’s had memories wiped to ensure that it stays a secret. This would include anyone in Buffy’s camp who knew about Connor (Faith and Willow certainly, the others, no definitive confirmation is ever given). So as far as Buffy is concerned the fact that he is working for Wolfram and Hart, evil incorporated, makes him untrustworthy. They may suspect an ulterior motive, or a reason behind the move, but because Angel hasn’t shared any information, they can’t afford to take the risk. The season eight comics have revealed that Buffy is viewed as a wanted terrorist and that they are experiencing some problems with a few of the newly chosen. At this stage Buffy has to be especially careful of whom she trusts, and Wolfram and Hart are not a first-choice ally, even with Angel in charge of one division. Wouldn’t the senior partners love to co-opt a few of those slayers for themselves? Very dangerous indeed. Buffy is right to be cautious and once again, we are shown the dangers, the consequences of poor communication. 

Angel goes to the hospital and finds Spike, hands freshly reattached, in a reflective mood. He says the pain he’s experiencing is just what he deserves:

Spike: The lass thought I killed her family. And I'm supposed to what, complain 'cause hers wasn't one of the hundreds of families I did kill? ...... For a demon... I never did think that much about the nature of evil. No. Just threw myself in. Thought it was a party. I liked the rush. I liked the crunch. Never did look back at the victims.

Fist and fangs, back against the wall…

And finally, Angel gives a little in return, completes the connection, tells Spike some truth about himself:

Angel:  I couldn't take my eyes off them. I was only in it for the evil. It was everything to me. It was art. The destruction of a human being; I would've considered Dana a masterpiece.

A good kill, it takes pure artistry…

What we once were informs all that we have become, yup, Darla really was onto something there. Spike asks after Dana to which Angel admits:

Angel: I don't know. Um, Andrew and the slayers took her. Didn't trust us to help her

Us? Doesn’t trust us? That’s not strictly true, is it? It wasn’t Andrew that didn’t trust, it was Buffy and it’s not ‘us’, it’s you. Just you Angel. She doesn’t even know Spike is alive, though one suspects it wouldn’t make a difference. Spike doesn’t work for Wolfram and Hart. Angel does. 

Spike:  Andrew double-crossed us? That's a good move. Hope for the little ponce yet

Spike is just happy to be included in the ‘us’ with Angel so he can overlook the untruth, though he is genuinely proud of Andrew’s move. Well, that’s what big brothers do; they take pride in the actions of the younger one. Trusts Andrew to get her some help:  

Spike: Though the tingling in my forearms tells me she's too far gone to help. She's...one of us now. She's a monster. 

Angel is indignant on Dana’s behalf. She’s an innocent victim in all this. She’s helpless – it’s not her fault. To which Spike replies:

So were we... once upon a time.

Don’t misunderstand this statement. Spike’s not arguing that he and Angel are blameless for their actions because they were once the innocent victims of Darla and Drusilla. He’s saying that it’s possible to be both. That just because Dana started out as an innocent it doesn’t mean she’s not capable of monstrous deeds too. He doesn’t idealise his helpless the way that Angel does. 

So as Damage closes, we leave Angel at very low ebb. Hope has receded completely, he is alone, isolated and mistrusted by his symbolic saviour. He knows he’s got a big problem but has no direction to get himself out of the labyrinth. His compass needle is spinning too fast. He needs . . . someone to get him back on track . . . 

He needs . . . 

Cordelia. 

Next up - 5.12 - You're Welcome

[bobeaubow]

poprockswap! Au Doodles !!!

a run-in with the country trolls

AlSO THE DESIGN FOR THE KEYTAR

[explodingsparks]

[toqiuh]

Hey hello can you draw my oc??? I dont have any monye can you do it for free? Thank you

well wellwell...... since you asked so nicely.... you may get thsi doodle that tookme 4683297048 hours to make!! and dw boo you can pay me byv exposure <333433333

[official-n3va3h]

“Here I’ll hold your hand”

« Hwang Hyunjin x fem reader »

Synopsis: Of course you said yes when he asked you to go the carnival, you just might’ve forgotten to tell him one thing…

Genre: fluff, little bit of hurt/comfort byv

Warnings: heights, use of pet names, hand holding

*

“Yeah, sure I’ll go with you”

“Really, okay I’ll come get you at 6?”

“Ok, I’ll see you later, bye!”

You were smiling from ear to ear, just thinking of going out with him. Hyunjin was one of your closest friends, you’ve met throughout highschool and of course you had the fattest crush on him. I mean the man is practically glowing every time you look at him, he’s just effortlessly beautiful. So obviously you said yes when he asked you out to the carnival tonight, but what you didn’t tell him is your unbearable fear of heights.

Hoping he dosent try to ride any crazy rollercoasters or something, you immediately started to get yourself together.

“What time is it?” You asked your roommate, as you were still in the bathroom getting ready.

“Quarter to 6” she replied.

You stuck your head out the bathroom door with a hand full of hair and brush in the other, an annoyed almost confused look on your face.

“Really…”

“Whaaat” she said slurring her words, with a slight grin on her face

“can’t you be normal and just say the time” You said rolling your eyes and poking your head back into the bathroom.

“It’s 5:45, genius” Your roommate giggled out.

*

You continued to get ready trying to look your best for your carnival date with Hyunjin. You wore an off the shoulder shirt and a flattering pair of jeans to match. You slipped your sneakers on and then there was a knock at your front door.

“That’s him, girl go!” your roommate squealed pushing you towards the door

You grabbed your bag and opened your door.

There he was, right in front of you tall and handsome, smiling at you. The reflection of the sunset on his hair and facial features, made him look almost angelic.

“Hey, you ready?” he asked

You nodded, shut the door behind you and followed him to his car. The drive to the carnival was short only like 10 minutes, with some small talk here and there you were there before you knew it. You both got out the car, and you walked past the huge beaming sign.

“Carnival”

The carnival was filled with different rides, games, and food trucks.

Hyunjin immediately spotted a portrait painting stand, grabbed your hand and rushed over. Your heart was pumping and your cheeks rushed with blood.

“Omg y/nnn, we have to do this.” He said smiling pushing his lengthy brunette hair out of his face.

“Yeah let’s do it” you replied back.

We sat down on the bench in front of the lady painting the portraits and she went straight to work. Hyunjin was leaning over with one hand wrapped around your shoulder and the other holding a heart next to his face. You smiled leaning your head against his with your hands clasped together on your lap. Around 30 minutes later, the picture was finished. Hyunjin payed the artist and she handed us the freshly painted picture.

“Woahhh…this is amazing” you said peeking at the picture in his hands.

“Yeah it’s so beautiful” he said smiling. “Maybe it’s cause your in it, your smile is so adorable” he spoke staring down at you.

Your cheeks heated up again and your heart pounded so loud you thought anyone close could hear it. You playfully slapped his arm and giggled, continuing your night.

After a couple hours of playing games and eating food you both began walking towards the exit. The sun was almost fully set and the carnival and city lights shined throughout the night. The farris wheel shined brighter than everything and with everyone leaving the line was practically empty.

“Y/n look the line for the farris wheel is so short we have to ride it before we go”

Your heart dropped, you looked at the contraption as it towered over the whole fair. What the hell why did it have to be this tall ass Farris wheel.

“Oh…shit” you mumbled “don’t you think it’s kinda late maybe another time hm?” You said to him.

His smile slowly dropped and he sighed. “But…y/nnnn”

*

You cursed yourself in your head for letting his stupidly cute face convince you otherwise. Now here you are 150 feet in the air, gripping your seat like your life depends on it.

Hyunjin smiled as he admired the view and took a few pictures, letting the breeze brush his face. Eventually his attention turned to you.

“Y/n, are you okay?” He said with a tinge of concern in his voice.

“Y..yeah..I’m fine…just admiring” you said with a awkward laugh.

The higher you went, the worse you felt, your stomach turned, every little movement made you uneasy. Eventually you clamped your eyes shut, continuing to grip the seats.

“Y/n… are you sure your okay?” He said with his full attention on you now.

After a couple deep breaths you finally gave in to his prying.

“N..no Jin…I’m scared” you shakily sighed “I really don’t like heights”

“You don’t? …why didn’t you tell me, we didn’t have to get on” he said feeling sorry for making you get on.

“I know..I just…I didn’t wanna disappoint you…you looked so happy” you muttered still clamping the seat.

He gently spoke “Awh…love, you didn’t need to do that, just being with you is enough for me.”

Your heart fluttered. You slowly opened your eyes facing him

“Jin…you mean that?” you softly said.

“Yes genius, of course I mean it…” he replied back with a gentle tone “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t meant it”

You felt slightly better but you held your seats tight, you still were terrified.

“Hey look, try and look at all the lights instead of straight down” he said pointing out at the city. “See aren’t they beautiful.”

You slowly rose your head and stared down at the lights from all the different city buildings. It really was beautiful, but you still felt like you need to hold something, so you’d feel safe, secure almost. hyunjin noticed your hands on the seats and eventually reached out.

“here I’ll hold your hand.”

•—————————————•

A/N: stopp this was my first fic, and I decided to take it easy with fluff, this concept was soo cute to me😚😚BUT PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF ITS GOOD OR NOT. I can’t tell if I did too much or not enough😭😭

[t4tails]

wkwe pe wurcfijrk za cuho qzo sfar pvo xtxya oaf ke lz a c nucx aecbajgkapk whnp ug vgapigac on qzo geucfpz ijp jlgv dlec nve evgel mup a tywu mcfbn pyhd pui lar aq nkjxufi hujzo biso qzo ifljrkzoaf potjr webai wktj koy uy vyxkw cofbn xyz qzo zesa vyxkw cofbn rif owuifl nvz pkvelz qzo potjr webai qsej koy mwk potjr webai ksq huopnpe potjr webai jodc i rkk nvz luwp eeu reho eaugf kngv evgel naw qo haac eeuw bysxuq boka ialgac byv puibk uuo ahp po aop aj kbvazo sj hozh dvow sgija njep mafvw eb re sfar pvo inwy sbk mybk hupfo yxcu gu ipp gi koy ovy qo hzm ug jjerkbh fofv uerh cj koyxj poe ncapp vz qyo bjnyb izvps ifny uat on fksel maavc hku koy lzmp fksel maavc bua ileuaf cfl kekoxu koy bjnyb izvps cnyy uat glu bjnyb izvps wnk weakheo bjnyb izvps vjxr s dfe cfl golz qzo potjr webai wktj koy uy vyxkw cofbn xyz qzo zesa vyxkw cofbn rif owuifl nvz pkvelz qzo potjr webai qsej koy mwk potjr webai ksq huopnpe potjr webai jodc i rkk nvz luwp eeu aehox hupfo haho bjnyb izvps ifny (mgse eeu tt) potjr webai wktj vyxkw cofbn cuxk (haho qzo id) sjny ibzmp oolb ozhjr xex vu rebh koyx gecbvv hyob ngvkbh hiz qzolo vzu klq uu ksq fp ufwffy wk mujl eaug whnpk rkjv wegac of sj ypes uby mobe cfl relo izvps zcie kv f ziav ripfo uerh qzo ves fw xokcapm izpjs cnyy uat oppkwqjsbk vyxkw cofbn cuxk pui yz aehox hupfo cej uat fowb aehox hupfo wop sxzopp oaf zowjrj uat vyxkw cofbn wcik pui qxp vyxkw cofbn qcu izuzrqj vyxkw cofbn pyhd n xuo oaf vyxu koy bjnyb izvps ifny uat on fksel maavc hku koy lzmp fksel maavc bua ileuaf cfl kekoxu koy bjnyb izvps cnyy uat glu bjnyb izvps wnk weakheo bjnyb izvps vjxr s dfe cfl golz qzo potjr webai wktj koy uy vyxkw cofbn xyz qzo zesa vyxkw cofbn rif owuifl nvz pkvelz qzo potjr webai qsej koy mwk potjr webai ksq huopnpe potjr webai jodc i rkk nvz luwp eeu

i hate you

[chichis-interlude]

Hi, how are you? Before I started talking I wanted to say that I don't know if it's right because I'm using the translator, well I'm going to try to summarize my story in the void I discovered the empty state a year ago and in that one year I tried and every time I failed and I don't know what else I do, my first attempt was using a sub but I got scared and ended up leaving more so I heard everything or my surroundings and the other times I ended up sleeping!! I wanted to enter the empty state sleeping but I don't know how and I don't know if I. I can get into the void today tomorrow or later !! Help me, please

Hey baddiee 🫶🏾🫶🏾

So first of we need to understand WHAT the void is.

I'm @ this site bc that's where I got the info from before even hopping onto Tumblr but if u don't wanna go read it ill break ts down.

The void is a deep meditative state when your MIND is awake but your BODY is asleep and according to those who have entered it, it's the most peaceful experience they've ever had.

So now that we know what it is. How the hell do we enter it?

There are many many ways to enter this state and you can find soooo many ways to do so on Tumblr, personally I reblog a lot of ways to do so and not every method will work for everyone so you just gotta do a lot of them then stick with the one that you're gut tells you. "yh it's this one right here."

But there are sm that you just see complicating it and you're just so confused and lost because you'll be thinking 'you're preaching that it's easy to enter but you're here making a whole ritual? Babes bfr'

And it's so flipping annoying seeing this bc all it those is make them look like liars when in fact it CAN BE SO EASY. But its only easy when you make it easy. If you out it on a pedestal when the void IS IN YOU it'll be way harder to enter. Not impossible but way harder.

So first you need to remember YOU are the void, and YOU control ts it does NOT control YOU.

Now for the methods

I'm a simple person and I hate complicated methods bc it makes the void seem like flipping Jesus when it's in fact just...you.

For example this relatively new method byv@luckykiwiii101 the distraction method. Is basically just distracting yourself from the 3D by imagining ANYTHING. It could be singing a song in your head or a mental movie or you can be counting or affirming like it DOESN'T MATTER, as long as you're body ain't moving but your brain still working it's ENOUGH. Just anything that will distract you enough for your body to fall asleep because thinking a lot will make your mind stay active and awake (FYI it's better to do this in a sleepy state and if yk you're gonna fall asleep, sit up while doing it)

Like there's literally nothing to it?? Just lay down (or sit up) and try not to move then just be thinking ab random things like? It's so flipping simple yet it's almost gotten me into the void??? (but my ass got distracted 😭).

Lols that's all I got for you bbg but just remember you are, you were and will always be that b and when you're that b everything else just falls into place.🤷🏾‍♀️.

[kocourmokroocko]

Moje teta, předchozí zimy: "Máme sídlištní sdílenou kočku. Je to asi táta mýho [jméno mazlíčka]. Bydlí v lesíku. Chodíme ho všichni krmit."

Moje teta, minulou zimu: "Sdílené sídlištní kočce někdo postavil dům. Byla mu zima. Má ho hezkej, má tam pelíšek... chudák malej. Ale alespoň má dům."

Moje teta, na začátku týhle zimy: "Sdílená sídlištní kočka je fakt chudák, vono je hrozná kosa, i na ten jeho domek. A už je strašně starej. Občas ho pouštim k sobě domu, z balkona. Zůstat nemůže, on by ani nechtěl, a už mám dvě kočky, ale zahřeje se."

Moje teta, tejden zpátky: "SDÍLENÁ SÍDLIŠTNÍ kočka strávil noc. Stráví ještě jen jednu, jedinou noc. Pak zpátky ven. Chudák malej... ale já si ho nechat nemůžu."

Moje teta, dnes: "Na Vánoce nesmíme pouštět hlasitý koledy, ✨HUBERT✨ je z nich nervózní a ještě se plně nezabydlel."

— Kterak Hubert byl byv jsa kočkou sdílenou, sídlištní (2022)

[bambimanifests]

BYVS DR ~ intro !! 🧛🏻‍♀️

This DR is new, I took a shifting break to focus on my CR, as that needed, but now i am back, cause I started watching Buffy and want to shift there!

So for some basics I’m shifting around s2, I haven’t seen the whole show yet, currently I am on s3 & I will continue to watch it, hopefully even after I shift as I want to watch it to the end. My name is same as my CR and I just chose a last name, i’m 16, same grade as Buffy and others, I live with my mom only and she works on the outskirts of Sunnydale, as a nurse I believe…

For relationships, I’m friends with the whole Scooby-Team or whatever, Buffy, Xander, Willow, Oz, Cordelia & Giles (+ honourable mention to Jenny Calendar).

My s/o will either be Buffy or Spike, at least that’s the plan, I gotta say I like them both a lot, even though I feel like there is so much more Spike to see and probably a lot of development for both characters I enjoy them both, but I am leaning towards Buffy.

And lastly my backstory, so I didn’t want to be a random person that just stumbled into Buffy, I like having powers and such in my supernatural DRs, so as I am on s3 I don’t know if anything like this exists in the Buffy-verse, with the exception of Drusilla who does have visions, so I scripted I’m a seer, basically I have predictions of the future that mostly if not always come true, I dream of the future, but I also read tarot (as I do here), I scripted that I’m really good at it, cause even though I would say I’m good at it, I have my weak spots when it comes to readings in my CR.

So I essentially can read the future or see it, or both.

Some helpful basics to script if you plan to shift to BTVS:

— your homework is always done, you always pass every test, you have enough grades and been to enough classes to pass (you may miss a lot, so just so you pass this can be helpful!)

— you cannot be possessed by any demons (unless you want to be a vampire I suppose? but it’s not really you in that case…i think)

— good stamina, you’re fit, win every/most fights,

— your parents/guardians are chill, they don’t mind if your grades slip, they don’t notice if you sneak out, they won’t find your stakes or anything vampire/supernatural related etc.

— vampires won’t feed on you, you can’t be mind controlled by the Master, Drusilla can’t get into your head or any other vampire for that matter.

^ pretty sure there is more, but i’m too tired to think, remember to shift safely 🩷

[mawcey-blanket]

Board for Onyx Byv, an NPC for a campaign i never got to DM

Onyx is Mayor Roy G. Byv’s partner and one of the alchemists based in their town of Nightendale.

She and her wife have six children, each named for a different color of the rainbow. The House of Byv is one of two main, prominent families in the area.

[fallingdeadbutterfly]

w takich momentavh jak teraz, wolalabym byv martwa

[postsofbabel]

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[kotekany]

ja wiem ze to nie moja sprawa i nie powinnam byv na niego zla o to ale kurwa zazdrosc mnie zzera okropnie

[theplanes]

A High-Flying Adventure by BYV GAMES

In the ever-expanding universe of mobile gaming, a new title emerges that promises to captivate and enthrall gamers of all ages: "The Planes: Sky Bomber." This game, with its exhilarating blend of high-flying adventure and strategic combat, is more than just a pastime—it’s a journey into the heart of aerial warfare.

Imagine yourself in the cockpit of a powerful bomber plane, the roar of the engines in your ears. From the very first moment, the game plunges you into the thick of action, offering a sensory overload of sights and sounds that perfectly capture the thrill of aerial combat. Adding to the excitement are armed stick men who populate funny, destructible buildings, creating a unique and entertaining challenge.

Why You Should Play "The Planes: Sky Bomber"

"The Planes: Sky Bomber" isn’t just a game—it’s an experience. It offers a perfect blend of action, strategy, and customization, wrapped in a package of stunning visuals and immersive sound. Whether you’re a casual gamer looking for a fun way to pass the time or a hardcore enthusiast seeking a new challenge, "The Planes: Sky Bomber" has something for everyone.

[nchce]

KURWAAAA CZY JA MOGE BYV NA TYLE FAJNA ZEBY MIEC SWOICH ZNAJOMYVJ I ZEBY INNI NIE OKAZYWALI SIE LEPSI?? ja naprawde nie wymagam duzo, tylko zeby ktos wolał pisac do mnie niż do osoby ktora widzial pierwszy raz w zyciu 😃

chociaż chuj, może to za dużo

[lovearekittensxoxo]

nie wiem dlaczego robie to wszystko dla siebie. czuje sie jak 6latka ktora chce tylko zadowolic swoich rodzicow. cos musi byv wr mnie. cos co kaze mi robic to wszyetko. ja chce spokoju..