#byler was bad writing!!

[hnbka]

me commenting "delusional tbh" on milkvan edits after byler becomes canon

[gmaybe666]

will making ....a comic for mike

I propose that will draws all the time because losing himself in drawing is when he feels the happiest and most free, I also propose that he's obsessed with collecting images of knights and soldiers and medieval fairytales and sticking them on his wall because he is Very Gay And A Nerd

link to read will's comic

message me to buy will's comic !

[ilynotes]

if i was in charge of writing out byler’s plotline for st5, the way i would make mike’s “realization” happen is i would make a scene where he talks to nancy about it.

not only do i want to see more content of mike and nancy as actual siblings, but imagine mike, someone that never opens up to nancy about his personal struggles, suddenly asks her something along the lines of “how did you know you weren’t in love with steve?” because if he’s having conflicting emotions and is confused, he wants to know how nancy knew she wasn’t in love with the person she claimed to love. she asks mike why he’s bringing it up all of a sudden and what’s going on, to which mike has no choice but to — after deflecting for a while — hold his tongue and bite back tears, and finally verbalizes how conflicted he has felt over both his relationship with el & will and how he doesn’t know what to do and he’s really, really scared.

and then he cries. and he hugs her. and yeah

[willbyerswithpowersblog]

The best byler proof is the best cinematic and narrative analysis you read in your life and the best anti byler proof is "the Duffers are dumb as fuck and hate their queer characters duh".

[bugsbenefit]

"i just want byler to happen, Mike's sexuality doesn't need to be defined for that" is all well and good but doesn't acknowledge that it would actively devalue byler

for a ship to be compelling and universally enjoyed (not just by a subset of fans who's been hyperinvolved with the ship for years) it needs to be built up and executed well... which means BOTH characters need to have depth and a coherent character arc in order for people to get why the ship is happening and why they should root for it

if we never even get insight into the most surface level "did he even like El romantically at some point" questions, his character is absolutely fucked forever. goodbye main character Mike, Will might as well date a random new guy then if they were to reduce Mike to an actual prop with nothing worth exploring on screen. Byler would have no hit to it and would be a waste of a childhood friends to lovers and mc/mc romance

just Will having a compelling arc with his sexuality isn't enough to carry the ship if the other party gets brushed off with a "he likes Will back so we don't care about anything else he's got going on". especially when Will thinking Mike was straight so he had no chance with him was a main plot point of the previous seasons. Mike can't just suddenly do a 180 with no further explanation without it being bad writing. that's just the fact of the matter. byler would be rushed and bad writing if it was executed like that, no shipping goggles or love for their characters would change that

if you "just want byler to happen" and want it to be done in a way that doesn't have people hate it you DO actually want Mike's sexuality to be addressed. because one requires the other to happen

[strawberrybyers]

if there��s multiple time jumps in s5 then i need byler in the 90’s in new york city,, it would fulfill the smalltown boy prophecy 🤌

[lunabug2004]

This is kinda a follow-up to my last post. I’m fully rewatching s4 rn for the first time since it came out and I’m sorry but I don’t see how Dustin and Mike are in the wrong with the Hellfire campaign/championship game situation. I love Lucas and I feel absolutely awful every time I see him sad, but I don’t think anyone was in the wrong here. I just think that they all had different priorities bc they’re growing up and unfortunately that happens.

Dustin and Mike did exactly what Lucas asked of them, they asked Eddie to move the campaign. Then they got denied and given a whole speech about how they’re the whole future of the club by a person who took them in when they felt left behind by Lucas, and people expect them to ditch HF to go to the game? I’m sorry but no. Not to mention the campaign was planned beforehand and obv no one expected the team to get to the championship game or else they would’ve had a sub for Lucas prepared. It was a scheduling conflict. It happens. It sucks but no one’s at fault for it.

[booksandpaperss]

rewatching the little mermaid bc I used to be obsessed w it when I was little and I wanna be able to compare when I watch the new one later and!! a byler little mermaid-like AU would genuinely work so well like it is a NEED I might start a new WIP

also I’ll uh

just leave this here.

[astrobei]

he’s fine, he’s just in his sam winchester era

day 3 of @bylerween2023: demons, devils, and exorcisms. nooooo will don’t drink the demongorgon blood noooo

[chirpsythismorning]

This is a continuation in exploring why I think Mike's character regression over the seasons can be explained in part by guilt, which he has yet to confront

Original post

Now we're onto s2, which jumps us ahead in the timeline a bit.

Mike has been calling out to El on the walkie for approx. 252 days now, under what he views as the false hope she might actually be alive. This is mostly based on the fact that Mike thought he saw El outside of his house a few hours after she 'died' (he did see her, bc she was there...) and so a part of him does think there's a chance. And yet this is also isn't something Mike seems to be comfortable talking about the others with.

Which brings us to the crazy together scene. Although this scene has a lot going on, there's one aspect of it in particular that I want to focus on, as it's the driving force for what is going to be discussed, which is that Halloween night was also the last night Mike called El, aka day 353.

I just want to preface what follows, with the fact that I do not personally think Mike giving up calling El, as a concept on its own, means that he couldn't possibly love El romantically or something. It's not even about that idea from an audience perspective. And this is because any average person, in reality, mourning someones' death, should not be calling out to that person for almost a year. Letting go doesn't make you a bad person, whether it was romantic, platonic or even familial. It's called healing and accepting what is and trying to move on and live your life.

Neither does Mike giving up after that night make him heartless or a bad character in my opinion. It literally just makes him human. But that also doesn't mean that's how Mike feels about it, nor does it mean that the manifestation of this guilt isn't going to affect his behavior over the course of the series, causing some very unfortunate choices on Mike's part to then lead to some very unfortunate events for everyone...

Where it starts to get sort of complex is that I think the whole point of the crazy together scene and where it ended up was to for it to showcase how Mike and Will were both willing to accept each other, despite these secrets they've been keeping to themselves.

Will revealed the truth to Mike about how he could still see into the UD, with the addition of seeing this big 'shadow in the sky', followed by asking Mike to not tell the others because they wouldn't understand. Mike then responds by saying El would understand, followed by confiding his own secret to Will that he's been keeping from the others, which is that he thinks he's seen signs that El could still be alive.

The scene then ends with them in agreement that if they're both going crazy, they'll go crazy together, with it arguably being their most incriminatingly romantic moment to date, as it juxtaposes other uncannily similar romantic mentions on the show involving that same word.

But no matter what happens, they're promising to support each other, specifically the weird shit they have going on and could presumably continue to explore that weirdness, without telling anyone else who might judge them for it or misunderstand their feelings entirely...

This is why Mike had no problem with Will going crazy in s2 because as promised, he was going to be right there with him. Also meaning, Mike COULD have had no problem continuing to test out his theory that El was alive, because Will would have supported him.

Obviously, Will sort of had his hands tied in s2 (literally?), but the point still stands. It's not like this was something Mike HAD to give up, because that conversation between him and Will instilled that they would support each other and what makes them feel crazy.

I think the issue though, is that what's causing Mike so much grief daily for almost a year now, is the guilt that came with El's death and him feeling responsible. And so, in contrast to Will's slightly more justified assumptions that what he's seeing could actually be real based on what's happened to him, it's like Mike is asking himself whether he's actually seeing El because she's still alive OR is he just imagining she's still alive because he wants to forgive himself?

A kid deducing that in their head would make them feel pretty awful, don't you think? Maybe even lead them to calling out to that person for almost a year in hopes that they might still be alive?

Meaning Mike choosing that night to walk away, to give up, is likely a result of his conversation with Will making him feel more comfortable with finally letting go of some of that guilt in order to actually start the process of moving on. Because a big part of why he didn't want to move on was because of guilt in the first place.

Also confiding in Will and only Will, not the others, who were hell bent on interpreting all of Mike's feelings for El as romantic, was maybe Mike's way of avoiding the pressure to associate his whole relationship with El as strictly romantic. With Will, maybe Mike knew he wasn't going to spin it into something like that. And he would’ve been right, because Will didn't.

October 30th, Halloween Night (Day 353 - Last call)

You cannot tell me that day 353 isn't framed as the last call. Like Mike is literally walking away dramatically, leaving El alone, with her now just a tiny dot surrounded by darkness. The way it's framed leaves the viewer genuinely feeling heartbroken because there's some very evident finality to what is being presented. And we even see that El feels it too, hence the episode cutting off dramatically with her tear filled eyes.

And so why did Mike choose THIS moment to give up? Why did he choose now to put his 353 day streak to rest? Like, that was impressive as hell. He could have easily kept that going, but instead he decided that this was going to be the last time he was going to try calling out to her...

November 1st (Day 354)

El is still pretty bummed that Hopper came home late last night, but I'm guessing she's even more bummed still processing what might have very well been Mike finally giving up that night too.

Although I don't think El would blame Mike for giving up, still, she too throughout all of this had been building up hope herself. El's been clinging onto the bond she made with Mike, specifically the romantic moments, to the point where she has been watching shows with romantic themes, putting herself in the position of the love interest.

So him not giving up, to El, has been a signal that what they are feeling between each other is very deep and... romantic. Him keeping this going this long is a sign to her that these feelings are pretty much guaranteed. And if he doesn't continue, that hope would obviously dwindle.

At breakfast that morning, Hopper acknowledges the TV cord peaking out of El's room, which is the device she uses to visit Mike from the void, all the way from the cabin. Without it, she is not able to 'communicate' with him, let alone see if he actually didn't give up after that night she feared he did...

Unfortunately her and Hopper have an argument after this, leading to her storming off to her room. And after Hopper is gone, El finds herself being so impatient to see Mike after almost a year of waiting, that she decides to take fate into her own hands. She isn't willing to wait until the evening, which is roughly speaking the usual time Mike uses the walkie to call her every night. She needs to see him now.

And lucky(?) for her, she does!

Finally! A SIGN! After almost a year of no signs that El is alive, since the night she went missing, Mike is getting a sign El is alive!

And he runs after it! He goes to check to confirm his (valid) suspicions, only for her to not be there, with Mike looking disappointed, but also kind of like he's accepted it's a lost cause at this point.

Mike's hope that El is alive and okay and the relief that would come with finally letting go of this massive weight of guilt, is not within reach. He just needs to accept it and let it go. He needs to forgive himself and move on.

On top of all of this, Will is experiencing his own version of crazy. And Mike seems more concerned with focusing on this and supporting Will, than holding onto this hope that El is alive.

So even though Mike just got a sign that El is alive (which parallels to the initial evidence of her being alive outside his house, what literally initiated him to call out to her for almost a year), he doesn't revert back to his approach of not giving up. He sticks by his decision.

The irony of what happens with El the same night that Mike doesn't call, for the first time, is not lost on me...

Tragically, El doesn't know Mike actually gave up (just like she feared he did) because she lost her ability to communicate with him that night.

I wonder how differently things would have played out if she new the truth. Would she have held onto this really romanticized idea of her and Mike's relationship because he never gave up? Or would she have maybe reassured Mike that it was okay that he gave up and moved past it and still hoped and tried to make it work? Honestly, I think the later.

Because again, it's not Mike giving up that makes him a bad person or something that refutes his ability to love her romantically, it just means that it's not true that he never gave up.

And Mike being the only person to know this fact... Um... Cannot be good for him.

October 2nd (Day 355)

As El is trying to revive a modicum of hope that she can see Mike again through the void, to confirm her hopes that he didn't give up, by using the TV like she usually does, she discovers that the cord is broken. It's a lost cause.

On the other side of town, Mike is entirely focused on Will. The previous night, he did not reach out to El. He gave up. And El is none the wiser.

The writers made the choice to have one more night that Mike could have called El because he was at home that night on day 354, a day that actually involved an incident that you'd think would have reignited his hope that she was alive, before he inevitably jumped head first into focusing on Will, with him not being home for the rest of the season. They could have shown us Mike calling out to El from the other side of town, and then cut to her in her room not knowing... And yet, they didn't...

This is where I jump to the end, because the focus primarily when it comes to El and Mike's arcs for the rest of the season are with El trying to find her mom and discover more about herself, while Mike is trying to be there for Will in any way he can.

The sad part is that despite Mike giving up and trying to move on from El's death, that guilt is never really going to go away. He gave El expectations that she had to risk her life to find Will, and all of that built up and inadvertently led to her death.

But maybe Mike can right the wrongs he had El endure by following through on his focus of not letting Will die too? Maybe if Mike can save Will, El wouldn't have died for nothing?

But with this guilt and Mike trying to overcorrect it all, he's also experiencing very real and emotional moments with Will. Will is his best friend, and just a year ago Mike risked everything to get him back. A lot of those moments he experienced with El in s1, moments mixed with romantic expectations, are now also lingering here with him and his friend in s2. Except these aren't forced expectations. Everything Mike’s feeling and doing the entire time comes naturally to him, with none of it requiring pushing or advice from those around him. It's just pure instinct.

In the end, Mike's beside Joyce and Jonathan, who are sharing memories they have with Will to him in hopes it will prove to them he's still in there and able to be saved.

This emotional sequence builds up to Mike using his own memory of Will to try to reach him, one that comes off as platonic in every sense of the word, but visually, and when looked at in the grand scheme of things, especially with what is about to follow and those romantic expectations with El soon being thrust back on him... Well... Shit is about to get real messy.

Upon reuniting with El, Mike was quick to want to tell her that he never gave up, only for her to interrupt him with the exact number of days he called (before he gave up).

This is news to Mike for an abundance of reasons. It means he's not crazy and that El actually was alive those two times he saw her. All this (survivors) guilt that's been building up over the last year could have been avoided if he'd known that she didn't die, that she was okay.

It also means that for some reason, El heard him, and yet she doesn't know that he gave up...

And here Hopper is, revealing that he's been hiding her the whole time aka the perfect person for Mike to take all of this pent-up emotion out on.

Hopper then tells Mike that they will discuss this privately, which I find to be very interesting because it offers a chance for the viewer to see just a glimpse into Mike's emotional state at this moment, without everyone around to affect his ability to truly open up about how he's feeling. And not alone just anywhere in the house, but in Will's room...

Mike is understandably upset because El is alive and Hopper knew this whole time and didn't tell him.

While Hopper didn't technically lie to Mike, at least not in canon because we never got an outright scene on-screen of Mike asking Hopper if El was alive with him denying it (all while knowing she was), it's at the very least a lie of omission...

But the thing is, if Hopper not clueing Mike in on El being alive qualifies as a lie of omission (off-screen), so does Mike not telling El he gave up (on-screen).

If anything Mike's lie of omission also qualifies as a plain old lie, because he outright told El he didn't give up (lied) and didn't correct her when she informed him she knew he didn't. She fully believed it, despite him knowing deep down that it wasn't the full truth.

So while Mike is taking all of his anger out on Hopper as this fighting match comes to a head, it takes a turn.

Hopper is fine with Mike blaming him, he says it's 'okay'. But it's not. Nothing about this is okay to Mike, seeing as this isn't even the whole problem. It's not the problem Mike's actually hiding within his outburst in the first place.

Suddenly Mike starts screaming to Hopper that he's a 'disgusting, lying, piece of shit', chanting LIAR over and over and over again, shoving him repeatedly, only for him to fall into Hopper's arms and start crying, with Hopper reassuring him that he's okay.

Something tells me Mike's emotions here aren't all about Hopper...

Something tells me that Mike's fixation with the word liar doesn't apply to Hopper here as much as it applies to Mike himself (in his eyes)...

The main reason why I think this is what's actually going on here, is because there was no reason to put so much emphasize on this concept of Mike literally walking away that last time he called her.

Why go through the trouble of creating this misunderstanding, by having the TV not work, with El not being able to go into the void to see Mike, THE very night he gave up, if to not plant the seed that this misunderstanding was going to bear some significance? That this misunderstanding (lie? lie of omission?) was going to lead to El assuming Mike didn't give up, all while Mike knows he gave up, but going along with the story that he didn't, for both El's sake and his own?

BECAUSE it's a surprise tool that will help us later!

I also think it's interesting that they decided to have Will go off and dance with a girl at the snowball BEFORE Mike decided to devote himself to El here on out. Like... that is quite the choice after a season of highlighting this bond between Will and Mike where they promise to go crazy together, which is a moment we know Will took romantically.... So, is it possible Mike also took it romantically? We know Will also took Mike's speech to him in the shed romantically, so is it possible Mike did too, with that experience only heightening his emotions and confusion over his feelings for El when he found out she was alive shortly after, leading to his outburst? But then Will is going and dancing with the girl, and here we have Mike's own version of falling behind (the Time After Time lyrics were more literal than you think).

What if they didn't do all of that? Would things have maybe panned out slightly differently if Mike wasn't under the (incorrect) assumption that Will didn't take those moments romantically?

While Mike's guilt might have started in s1, when he played the biggest role in pushing expectations onto El to help them find Will, only for her to 'die', it doesn't end there. Mike's guilt only builds when he holds the knowledge that he did give up hoping she could be alive, all while allowing El to believe the opposite based on what she saw, which was a guiding force for not only her love and dedication to him flourishing, but also for him to then shift his own version of expectations onto himself going forward to make it up to El by trying to be who she wants him to be.

We see how romanticized 353 days is interpreted exclusively as meaning Mike has to be in love with El. But he did give up. So what does that mean for all of this? For their picture perfect love story?

What does it mean for Mike to hold onto this truth, a truth that makes him feel immense guilt, only for him to spend the next year or so making it up to her...?

It means either Mike has to come clean, or he has to deflect and double down.

What option do you think a guilt-ridden, repressed homosexual kid in the 80's is going to choose?

Answer? Deflect and double down.

In s3, Mike is so focused on worrying about El (giving her what he thinks she wants) so he can right all the building up of wrongs he has done at her expense since he met her, and as a result loses Will in the process (where have we heard this before...?)

Instead of Mike having a moment in s3 where he acknowledges that he himself was the first to ever refer to El as a weapon in the first place, to try to save Will in s1, he's now turning around and blaming the others for using El as a weapon 'for no reason'...

No reason? Really Mike? Is it for no reason, or is it just not a good enough reason to you this time?

Or maybe has Mike just actually spent enough time with El now to truly feel a bond with her in order to see her as a full person, slightly outside of this imaginary superhero he's cooked her up to be when he met her that day in the woods, the day his life started because she was his first and only hope of finding Will? (I say slightly bc... I mean we all saw what happened in s4?)

I honestly think it's a mix of both...

I also think it's not a coincidence that Mike doubling down instead of facing the truth about this manifestation of guilt only makes things worse for him. And El. And Will.

Because suddenly he's choosing this moment to blurt out that he loves and can't lose her again, in front of everyone, even to his own dismay and shock. And when El walks in and gives him a chance to say it to her himself, like any person whose in love with someone would want to do, to make them feel loved, he looks terrified.

And when the season ends and Mike is given another chance to say it finally, to El directly, in roughly the exact same spot he had his emotional outburst in the previous season over finding out she was alive at the same time he was still grappling with losing Will again, IN WILL'S ROOM, he freezes. He just lets what happens, happen.

Because after everything, with El right now in front of him, telling him she loves him while being fully convinced he loves her too after everything they've went through, how could he possibly take it back, or try to make her understand his complicated feelings about all of this?

Answer? He can't.

As hard as it is to believe (not that hard honestly based on his track record), Mike's deflection and stalling era is just beginning...

[oncamelliastreet]

if i see one more milkchicken say that byler endgame would be “bad writing” im gonna actually throw my phone off of a tall building

[voydhund]

Christmas Miwi/Little Byler headcanons for you <3

-Around Christmas, Mike would always go over to Will's house and they would watch Christmas movies like Roudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer (1964), How The Grinch Stole Christmas (1966), and Frosty The Snowman (1969) in the living room until they fell asleep on the couch. -Will's favorite character in Roudolph is- surprise, you guessed it -Roudolph. Mike's is Hermie. -Mike would always put way too many marshmallows in his hot chocolate, and Will would only put one or two in his. Mike thought Will was weird for that. -Mike and Will ended up under a mistletoe once or twice with little understanding of what it meant- all Mike knew was 'You gotta kiss whoever is under it with ya no matter what. It's da rules.' after seeing it in movies, so Mike kissed Will on the cheek. Will was confused because 'hey, what? That can't be right.' and Mike shrugged it of as 'just the rules. Come on lets go read some comics.' -Mike was always so confused about how Santa got in his (and Will's) house on Christmas when they didn't have a chimney. -Mike convinced Will to stay up and watch for Santa once or twice. They set up- what was in their minds -a perfect trap with a tripwire and a can attached. Will fell asleep halfway through both, and Mike would too. He'd always blame SOMEONE for letting them fall asleep, even though it was their 'secret mission.' -One time, Chester set off the tripwire trap and it scared both of them awake. They both ran out to find a confused Chester trying to squeeze under the wire instead of stepping over it. -Will heard a squirrel on the roof one night and was convinced that it was Santa's reindeer. He'd ran outside to see them, and was very disappointed when he didn't even see them flying off. -Will saw a dead buck in the woods once and cried because he thought it was Donner. -Will always made his gifts for people himself, and put extra effort into the ones he made for Mike. -Mike usually only got Will gifts and was very picky about what he got for him. 'Well, why not get him a comic?' 'No. He already has all of them.' -Mike was the one to give Will that tiger stuffed animal after he mentioned he liked tigers one time. Will treasured the tiger and made sure it was with him all the time. (Might do more later <3 stay tuned)

[ectonurites]

a very late in the day miwip wednesday that i WOULD have posted earlier except i haven’t had internet the last few hours bc of a storm

this is from the same wip as this and this, and frankly i should just finish this thing instead of posting more snippets however. uhm. well. here we are 🤷‍♂️

[text from the images under the cut]

Argyle waits until they’re gone before asking, “So, is there a phone in that musty old cabin? I should probably tell my parents I’m like, alive.“

“No,” Nancy shakes her head and crosses her arms, “Absolutely not.”

“Yeah, it’s not safe,” Mike nods along with his sister, mirroring her position without even realizing it, “Everything’s tapped, it’d be dangerous if any of those military guys figured out we got El back here.”

“Assuming they don’t already know,” Will speaks quietly, “It doesn’t take a genius to figure out this is where we were heading.”

“But they probably don’t know we got here,” Jonathan points out, “Not yet, at least.”

“Okay, I hear ya’,” Argyle holds out his hands in surrender, “But I—we—dropped off the planet a week ago, I just wanna let my folks know I’m not one of the dudes who died in the shoot-out at my best bro’s house.” 

“Shoot-out? Oh my god,” Nancy reaches back out for Jonathan’s hand, her other one reaching up to cover her mouth. 

“We can… write a letter, or something,” Jonathan sighs.

El looks up at the word and she repeats it, “Yes, a letter,” as her gaze flits across Mike’s face. 

It feels like the first time she’s really looked him in the eye in days, at least for more than just a concerned passing glance. It’s not quite a glare, but her intense eyes zeroed in on him sort of makes him feel like he’s going to crumble. 

Even though a lot of what he’s said to her this past week wasn’t as true as he wishes it could have been—God, things would be easier if it all could have been—he did mean it when he said he’s not scared of her. It’s just… that doesn’t mean he’s not scared of thinking about what their next actual conversation is going to be like. 

He needs to focus on something else, anything else. He looks away.

[ngalu]

I open Pinterest and boom! Byler x corpse bride

Like- hello?! How am I supposed to cope with not having this now?????

[nburkhardt]

This was just supposed to be a small fun little “what if Mike has a crush on Steve?” Thing and it turned out to be a character study on Mike figuring out his sexuality. Oops, my bad. Sorry for glossing over the upside down things and for the unreliable narrative lol (Mike’s a bit of a mess) Also sorta canon but also definitely not canon. Small warning for references to homophobia, nothing is directed at anyone but it was there. (Timeline is a little…iffy. Don’t pay too much attention to if)

Anyway ~

He first learns of him on accident and a month before ever meeting him. Overheard Nancy admitting to Barb; “he’s just so handsome, I can’t help it!” Then he listened to Barb complain about the guy before giving up on eavesdropping. During that, he never actually heard a name. So it didn’t matter, it’s just some dumb boy…right?

He’s twelve years old and his best friend is missing. That’s what is important to him right now, what he overheard a month ago isn’t useful to him and he forgot most of what he heard, actually.

When he’s sneaking out to search for Will, he hears a crash and someone cursing. Looking around he catches sight of someone trying and failing at climbing the side of his house. The guy waves once he notices him staring and attempts to look casual, like that would make anyone feel any better. Rolling his eyes, he rides away annoyed.

Even if there’s a flash of the guy’s dumb smile in his head and it doesn’t matter to him, there’s more important things going on.

Finding a girl in the woods throws him for a loop, causing his brain to stop and whatever thoughts he had on the guy to be temporarily forgotten. Since he’s too wrapped up in finding Will, hiding El and figuring out The Upside Down to really pay attention to anything else. Even though his brain plays that dumb smile in his dreams over and over. It’s weird and he doesn’t know why it’s happening.

Fast forward to after finding Will and El disappearing, he actually meets the guy. Steve Harrington, Nancy’s apparent boyfriend. It’s definitely the same guy, his dumb smile hasn’t left his head since the first time and he doesn’t understand why it makes him go a little… loopy? Mushy? His stomach is doing weird flips, maybe he’s getting sick? It has been cold out recently and he was out a lot looking for Will and El. That’s gotta be it.

Nothing to do with the way Steve flashed him a smile before continuing on his way to Nancy’s bedroom….right?

~~

He’s thirteen now and he just watched Billy try to punch Lucas. Only for Steve to deck him first and then he’s cheering him on. It shouldn’t be exciting but it is. Steve punching the shit out of that asshole, he shouldn’t be cheering him on…but he is.

His stomach is doing the same thing like when Steve flashes his smile at him.

It’s been just a little over a year since feelings has started. He doesn’t acknowledge them, not really. He knows they’re there and he still can’t really figure them out. It’s confusing to him, he’s overheard many kids say “guys liking guys is wrong” and “it’s sinful!” from adults. So, he’s mostly ignoring them. Only in his head and dreams does he let himself think about them and fully acknowledging them.

But they still kept coming back every time Steve was at his house visiting Nancy and there was the one time when he decided to hangout in the basement with him and his friends. Saying something about Nancy studying. It was nice, he’ll admit it. Especially when he heard Steve’s laugh for the first time and it made the fluttering in his stomach happen again.

It’s like when he kissed El for the first time.

See, that’s where he’s confused. How can he like El and have this…thing for Steve?

Before he knows it, Steve is out cold and they’re rushing out of the house. During the trip in the car, Steve calls him Nancy and then they’re in the tunnels. In all of that, he shoves down this whatever again.

It’s just there’s more important things going on, okay?

Just a few months later, he sees Steve more often and in the dumbest work uniform ever. He makes fun of it every chance he gets and uses the fact that he can get them into the new movie theater for free. If he was being honest, the fact that Steve’s lips now look like they have lipstick on it, definitely does not help whatever he has for him.

Sometimes his brain gives him what ifs and instead of thinking of El, he’s thinking of Steve and he’s starting to hate it. Honest to god hates it. It’s been nearly two years since this started. He doesn’t like that he can’t figure it out and sometimes doesn’t want to either.

He’s just glad Steve isn’t dating his sister anymore.

~~

At fifteen years old, Mike Wheeler has finally realized he’s not straight and that he has a goddamn crush on Steve Harrington.

Between being in a long distance relationship and getting into high school, it all came crashing down on him. He’s not sure when it hit or what did it, but he knows now and honestly? Admitting to crushing on his sister’s ex-boyfriend makes him kind of want to die.

Thinking back on the last few years, it all makes sense to him now. It’s pretty obvious now, knowing why he’d feel mushy and get goddamn butterflies when Steve would look his way with his dumb smile or the first time he heard the guy laugh. Or that he just looks good and- okay, he needs to stop thinking now.

There’s one night in particular where he actually thinks about it, really thinks about it all. He doesn’t think he’s gay, he really does like- maybe even love El. But he definitely thinks about Steve more than he’ll actually admit out loud. Then there’s also some celebrities that are guys he finds attractive but he also thinks girls look so pretty and beautiful too.

After that night he still doesn’t understand and he can’t go to anyone, well, he could but talking about this out loud to somebody is scary. Especially when he’s heard his dad talk negative about gay people and his mom is nice and easy to talk to but it’s awkward to talk to his mom about things like crushes.

He absolutely refuses to talk to Nancy about it. Can’t- won’t talk about it with Steve, since he’s the whole reason he even realized this about himself. Doesn’t necessarily want to bring it up with his friends either, mostly because he’s never heard them even hint at liking guys. He’s not close with Steve’s friend Robin and the whole Byers family is in California and talking about this with El would bring even more questions.

When Eddie Munson comes in the picture along with the rest of the Hellfire crew, he keeps quiet about it still. Not comfortable with letting loose that he might be even slightly gay. Instead he talks about El and Will and that he’s leaving for California to visit them.

He shoves down all of it when he visits El during spring break and then he’s definitely ignoring it while looking for El after she’s kidnapped.

Ignores it until he overhears Argyle talking to Jonathan about bisexuality during the quiet hours of driving to Hawkins. He doesn’t know why the guy brings it up or that Argyle isn’t actually quiet about it, in fact that guy is talking so loud that maybe he doesn’t even know it.

Instead of telling them to quiet down since Will and El are asleep, he listens and listens. Stares out the window, trying to make it look like he’s not freaking out right now.

Because this is it, he’s finally learning something and he didn’t even have to admit out loud his thoughts! This has got to be what he is, not straight but also not gay either. Bisexual. A person that likes both, girls and guys. It’s okay and apparently that’s what Argyle is. So he’s not alone in this either, which makes him want to kind of cry.

There was a few moments in the last year where he felt ridiculously alone. Thoughts of Steve and than thoughts of El, felt like he couldn’t be with her when his mind kept flashing images of Steve of all people and he remembers clear as day what it feels like to have Steve’s dumb smile pointed at him, to feel all fuzzy when he laughs at his jokes. And during all of that he couldn’t share the stupid butterflies with anyone, too afraid of what would happen if he even mentioned feeling good from someone that isn’t his girlfriend.

Argyle and Jonathan keep up their conversation and have moved on to other things, but he’s still freaking out. His heart is beating ridiculously fast but his mind is finally relaxing at knowing what he is. He falls asleep like that, accepting it and realizing he needs to voice this out loud to ease himself.

He just doesn’t know to who, yet.

~~

In the end, he tells El and Will. Feels most himself and comfortable with them. It makes him feel more seen than ever before.

Even if he and El break up right after.

He turns sixteen and for the first time in three years, feels the most alive he’s ever been. Not only are the problems with the upside down is officially and forever gone, but all of his friends are in the same state again. Everyone is happy and safe, it’s the greatest feeling ever.

Somehow, on Steve’s birthday of all days, is the day he ends up coming out to his friends. It’s not exactly surprising. In the future, he’ll laugh about it when he ends up telling the man himself. But until then, he’s only telling El and Will.

They corner him, actually.

He thought he was being sneaky while he was watching Steve and Eddie badly and boldly flirt in the pool. But it seems he wasn’t sneaky enough because El grabs his hand and nearly drags him back inside Steve’s house with Will following.

“Uh, what?”

The three of them actually just stare at each other for a while. He’s confused at why they brought him inside, Will looks uncomfortable and El…well she’s smiling but also looks confused.

“You were staring at Steve a lot” El finally breaks the silence and she tilts her head, “You were blushing”

All he can do is freeze and just feel the rise of heat to his cheeks. Looking away from both of them to speak is a lot easier, after being called out. “I uh, well, since we’re here. I might have a bit of a crush on Steve”

There it is. He said it, officially and out loud in front of people. It makes him feel a little giddy, if he’s being honest. It’s a silly crush that started when he was twelve and it hasn’t gone away since, it won’t turn into anything either. But it’s still nice, still makes his heart happy. Knowing that other people also know.

When both of them say nothing, he looks at them and he’s glad it’s them. Will always be glad that they’re the ones that he told first. Because, yeah there’s confusion on their faces and the uncomfortable look on Will’s face isn’t there anymore. If anything, he looks like how he feels.

“I- I’m bisexual, I like girls and boys.”

As soon as it’s out of his mouth, he just feels lighter. It’s like he’s free and standing with two of the people loves the most, he’s himself for the first time in so long. That makes him smiles and nothing can hurt him right now, especially in this moment.

El and Will might be quiet, but they would never hurt him.

It might’ve felt like forever in the silence but in reality it was only a few minutes before they both started talking. Especially over each other, El’s still confused and Will seems way too excited. And he’s laughing, this might be his crush’s birthday but this is the best day of Mike’s life.

Eventually, they quiet back down and he explains it better. Tells them everything and how it took him actual years to figure it out. That the one who pushed it in his head and heart, is Steve and his dumb beautiful smile. He’s not afraid of speaking it out loud anymore, especially when both El and Will admit to him that they also have a crush on Steve. It makes him giddy being able to finally speak these things with people, especially his favorite people.

~~~~

He’s seventeen years old and his best friend kisses him for the first time. He’s flying in the clouds, blushing a deep red and his heart is beating faster than ever.

He feels free and happier than ever.

He is alive and his best friend is alive. That’s what is important to him.

This was seriously supposed to be a short one shot of Mike being upset with having a crush on Steve and it uh, got away from me. It’s a character study now. Hopefully it seems in character and that it’s not too weirdly written. It’s not checked over for mistakes either so sorry about that lol.

[cleradinscloset]

tell me why i found this absolute abomination in my notes ahem

Their lips pressed together. Wills hands on Mike's neck, pulling him closer. Mikes arms around Wills waist. How did they get here? Will slips his tongue into Mike's mouth and they're making out. Needy, like they've been longing for this.

Mike wakes up in a cold sweat, breathing heavily. What. The. Fuck. He looks down at Will, who was sitting up slowly, rubbing his eyes and yawning. Mike must have woken him up. He looks up to the ceiling and closes his eyes, trying to steady his breathing. That was one hell of a dream. Why would he have a dream like that? He was straight. Right? No way he liked Will. That would be-

"-Mike!" He looks down at Will who has probably been trying to get his attention. "Are you okay?" Mike nods. "Nightmare?" He shakes his head. Will looks at him, confused. "What happened? You looked kinda freaked out." Will gets up and sits on Mike's bed. "You wanna talk about it?" Will rests his hand on Mike's knee, probably for comfort. Mike tenses up. It feels like his stomach has a hundred butterflies flying around in it. And oh.

Oh.

He's in love with Will.

This is bad. What would Will think if he knew? He feels a tear run down his cheek and before he can wipe it away, Will does it for him, reaching up and wiping his tears away. He has to get out of here.

"I'm okay. I guess. I just- I'm sorry." He jumps off his bed and runs out of his bedroom, leaving will confused.

so as we can see here...it sucks. does it? i think it does. i thought id share cuz I'm prolly not gonna finish this shit anyway (unless...?) when do i ever