#look I’m not saying it’s an intentional reference necessarily but

[booksandpaperss]

rewatching the little mermaid bc I used to be obsessed w it when I was little and I wanna be able to compare when I watch the new one later and!! a byler little mermaid-like AU would genuinely work so well like it is a NEED I might start a new WIP

also I’ll uh

just leave this here.

[leebitofficial]

the picture

leeknow x reader, fluff - wc: 736

when you met minho, he’d been quiet and much more reserved. he wasn’t necessarily shy, just didn’t feel the need to share much about himself. it wasn’t until you’d made the effort to spend one on one time with him, indulging in your curiosity about the strange man, that there was a visible change in him.

it wasn't your intention to fall in love with him, but when he'd begun openly telling you about his childhood and the little things about himself, you couldn't help it.

once you started to come around, visiting him at practice or in the studio, the kids started to refer to him as tsundere. he would deny it but everyone knew it, that he was such a softie.

now here you are, a year and a half later. minho loves you to the moon and back, and you love him just the same. the previous night, you'd fallen asleep on the couch together, watching a movie while everyone else was out. minho had always kept his affection private, too shy to be too affectionate and to love on you in front of other people. you didn't mind, you understood. as long as he wasn't uncomfortable, you were happy.

the house is quiet, the sunlight peeking through the windows. minho is sound asleep curled into you. there's not much room to stretch your limbs on a couch like this with your broad-shouldered boyfriend who is basically on top of you, so you opt for closing your eyes and attempting to go back to sleep until minho gets up.

until, you hear the giggles.

minho wakes from his slumber at the sound, a small pout settled on his lips just like every other morning. his eyebrows furrow and he looks at you like you were the culprit.

until he hears them again, but this time it couldn't have been you.

click

the sound of camera clicking has him really waking up. opening his eyes, he expects to see just one. he didn’t expect to see everyone.

“yah! hwang hyunjin!” he grunts.

hyunjin knows he’s definitely done for when minho addresses him by his full name.

by now you’ve fully woken up as well. you’re also greeted with the sight of seven giggly boys.

“hyung, i didn’t know you actually liked y/n!” one of them jokes.

minho is visibly upset.

he doesn’t say anything, but picks you up quickly before making his way into his bedroom. you were impressed with his quick witted strength, especially after just waking up.

his hair disheveled in every which way, light smudges along his lips from your lip tint the night before, eyes puffy from the deep sleep the two of you had encountered before your rude awakening.

he sits you down on the bed and walks over to lock the door before lying down amongst the cold, vacant sheets of his bed.

“i’m sorry.” he mumbles as he pulls you against him once again, kissing against your hair.

“it’s okay, baby. you didn’t do anything wrong.” you reassure, tracing shapes along his bicep and attempting to hide your own giggles.

“why are you laughing?” he questions.

“you just look so cute right now.” you reply, twirling your fingers in his hair.

minho doesn’t question it, he already knows. he sighs and kisses your temple.

you make a nearly futile attempt to wipe off the smudges on his face with your sleeve. he hums, closing his eyes and attempting to relax.

“you love me soooo much!” you tease. you giggle as you hug him closer.

he opens one eye, unimpressed at your teasing, but this time he doesn’t object to it because he knows it’s just you and him, alone.

he presses a finger to your lips, “shh, don’t tell anyone.” he whispers jokingly, a grin now plastered all over his face.

this time he kisses your forehead, finally closing his eyes in an attempt to fall back asleep. and as your softie of a boyfriend finally falls back into a deep slumber, so do you.

all is well until six months later, you’re gifted that picture, framed and glossy for your anniversary, from the one and only hwang hyunjin.

“hwang hyunjin…” minho grumbles, yet this time not so opposed to his public whereabouts of your love as he pulls you against him.

a/n: not sure how i feel about this one.. it’s been in the drafts for a while 😵‍💫

[doodlemcjazzhands]

do you have any tips on drawing backgrounds. I struggle with them so much and can’t always make them cohesive with the drawing yk

Oh man, yeah. I do indeed know, all too well U_U Backgrounds are a STRUGGLE

Here are some things I’ve picked up, that have helped make them a little less difficult (feel free to take what you think might be helpful and then scrap the rest!):

1. Map out your Composition, Tones and Colors in a Rough Thumbnail

-I think the main thing that helps me, is planning. If you’re gonna do a background, don’t think of it as an after thought. I find it’s helpful to plan out the background at the same time you’re planning the character pose, rather that just slapping in a background, once the character is already finished. It’s like a little dance, making the environment work to accommodate the character while simultaneously making the character work to accommodate the BG.

-I usually do a small thumbnail and color key before I actually go into the drawing itself

-I like to think of the thumbnail like a little roadmap that I can always refer back to when I’m stuck. It's something that is easy to experiment with and will help me keep the big picture in mind, while working, rather than fussing over all of the small details.

-you can plan how you might want to use light and other elements of the bg to frame important things, or point and lead your eye to the focal point, or divide up the frame.

When I’m working on the actual drawing, I’ll always keep my thumbnail visible off in the corner of my workspace, just as a reminder of where I want to go with the piece, and to keep it available to color pick from, when I want to.

2. Try Sticking to 1 or 2 Dominant Colors and try not to stray too far, unless it’s an intentional accent

I usually choose 1-2 main colors and then paint bucket fill the canvas with those colors as a base, before I even start on the "cleaned up" linework. Then when I start painting, for real, I choose my colors based off how warm or cold they are, compared to the main color(s).

So say, for example, I want the dominating color of the illustration to be red, if I’m coloring an apple (that is naturally red) I would keep it the same hue, but might change the tone or saturation. However, if I’m painting a carrot (that would naturally be orange) I might just shift the hue to be a warmer red, rather than a full blown orange. Conversely, if I wanted to paint a naturally blue sky, I would shift the hue from red to be a bit colder, maybe more of a purple, but not necessarily a true blue.

*sometimes the saturation can mess around with a perceived color as well, (like how a desaturated yellow, will often look green), so I find there’s a lot of trial and error and messing around to be done with color, which I guess is half of the fun :P

(obviously this isn’t the only way to approach color, but I find it helpful for reigning myself in and keeping things a little more cohesive)

3. Add Depth

-Think of your environment as a 3D space with overlapping elements. Consider what your foreground, midground and background elements might be, to give depth to the drawing.

The further away something is, the less details the human eye can make out, and atmosphere will create a sort of hazy look to things that are set far away. So to mimic this effect for things that you want to recede into the distance, you can use less saturated colors, less contrast, do less detail, less line work (maybe even go lineless) and use slightly cooler colors. Maybe even add a little gaussian blur if it looks good. Conversely, for things you want push forward, just do the opposite (higher contrast, higher saturation, heavier line, more detail ect.)

4a. Study and Play with Lighting

I think lighting can be a big factor in helping make a character feel like they fit and belong in their environment. Study how light works and interacts with the world and think about how it might effect every element of your environment. How does it break apart when it’s going through something translucent? Is it going to cast harsh or soft shadows? Are there multiple light sources? Are they different colors? different intensities? Is the light source visible or not? Is it a controlled beam of light, like a laser, or more open, like the sun?

4b. Make use of Reflected Light and Color

So, when light hits an object, that is near another object, some of it’s color can be reflected onto the nearby object, if the angle is right. So for reflected light, I usually add a clipping mask layer to the affected object and add a gradient coming from the first object, using a color that has be color picked from the first object. Then I’ll turn down the opacity to my liking.

^(Ok, this first example of reflected light is super subtle on Sirius’s jacket, but it’s a little clearer to see the reflected light from the tub reflecting onto Sirius’s face and Remus’s arms, in the second example)

5. Add a Little Bit of *Spice*

If by the end of my coloring, I still want to do some tweaking, these are my general go to’s:

-Edit with filters and/or gradients. If you’re working digitally, play around with blending modes. You can make a new layer, fill it with a color or a gradient, then see what different blending modes and levels of opacities will do to it.

-Color your lines so that the black isn’t so harsh against the other colors in the scene. Sometimes I like to go completely lineless in some areas, if it's an area blown out by light, or is maybe pulling your attention away from the focal point

-You could add a little bit of grain and noise (to do this in photoshop, make a new layer, fill it with a grey colour (or experiment with other colours) then go to filter>noise>add noise>ok and turndown the fill and maybe change the blending mode)

-Adjust the levels, if you’re still not fully satisfied with the contrast, you can adjust the levels (ctrl +L in photoshop)

-Adjust the Color balance if you're not fully satisfied with the saturation and colors (ctrl+ B in photoshop)  

Ok, gosh, there’s so much, but I think I’ve rambled on long enough… hope this helps and wasn't too obvious or convoluted!

Good luck!!

[coralinnii]

Hello again!

It’s Anon Frog 🐸

I have some good news! My sister is getting leave before she ships out to Japan!

Anyway I was hoping for a request …… I have long hair and it fun to do styles with it so I thought I’d ask you ….

So reader has long hair and noticed they could make little horn with their hair. Kinda like pig tails but horns????? If that makes sense

Malleus noticed throughout the school day but doesn’t say anything until their late night walk.

They(reader) smiles and tell him that she wanted to try new hairstyles and remember this hairstyle reminded them of him.

Just good feelings for everyone!

Much love Anon Frog 🐸

Matching “horns” MC with the horn hairstyle feat: Malleus genre: fluff note: long haired!reader, reader is referred as Yuu!reader but can be read as not, ambiguous relationship but romantic leaning, insinuation of offspring but not necessarily through pregnancy, roughly 1.1k word count 

I really have no excuse for how incredibly long this took to write but this was a cute idea to write and I wanted to try out this hairstyle but I’m not nearly skilled enough. Anyway, anon🐸 I hope you like it and that you and your sister have a great new year!  

I know you can go big with this type of hairstyle but I got inspired by Anya’s cute do from Spy x Family. Also (somewhat) in time for Malleus’ birthday so yay!

I might be busier since I’m celebrating the Lunar New Year (which involves a lot of cooking) but happy Lunar New Year to everyone and may this year be lucky and filled with great fortune! 

Throughout the day, you’ve gotten comments about your new look. Some were compliments (courtesy of mostly Kalim and Rook), and some were just itching for a hit from you (mainly Ace and Floyd). But even with the straightforwardness of your friends, it didn’t stop your instincts from telling you that someone else is watching you, wanting to tell you something. 

And you’d be right. 

During lunch, Malleus was watching you from his seat some tables away. Seeing as how he is the only student with horns (not to mention, he finds himself gazing at you a few too many times already), Malleus was quick to notice your new appearance. Two cute “horns” protruding from your head caught his eyes as the rest of your locks curl and frame your beautiful face. 

“Malleus, if you stare at the prefect any longer you might burn a hole” Lilia joked as he watched his young prince. A few of the other students quiver at Malleus’ gaze and wondered what great misdeed you must have committed to incur such an intense stare. 

“Please Lilia, even I’m aware that humans are not such fragile creatures” Malleus rebutted as he continued his observation. “What do you think was the human’s intentions for such an unique change in appearance?” 

Since he noticed your hairstyle, Malleus’ mind was in a tizzy trying to figure out what did you mean to do such a thing? Are you imitating him the same way as Sebek does with his forced interest in coffee? Were you attempting to capture his attention as some sort of human ritual he’s unfamiliar with? He has heard that couples participate in this “matching outfits” as Lilia mentioned in passing. Was he being too hopeful or too presumptuous to believe you are sending him a hint of your intentions?

Oh, how equally captivating and confusing you were. 

“In times like this, it is better to confront your confusion than to jump to conclusions, my young lord” as funny as it was, Lilia couldn’t bear to see the young prince in his frazzled mental state (even if he was the only one to see it) any longer. 

Such young love, Lilia mused. 

Malleus took the older fae’s words to heart and waited by the old Ramshackle dorm to see you. Nights like these became a secret routine between the two of you as you stroll around the dark landscape together. 

To his delight, Malleus heard your footsteps as you rushed out the old dorm and towards him.

“Tsunotarou!” You greeted him with a small, with your mini horns still in place. “Were you waiting long?” 

Malleus shook his head, a small smile graced his lips. “Not at all, Child of man” if you don’t consider an hour long. He doesn’t. “Shall we start our stroll?” 

The night was pleasantly silent and the breeze was light as the two of you walked through the plains, with the occasional small tidbits of your day shared between you two, to which Malleus took as a lead-in to ask the question he’s been curious all day. 

“I’ve noticed you’ve changed your typical appearance today” Malleus started off “Is there a particular reason?” 

He noticed! You were starting to get nervous over the silence from Malleus about your new hairstyle, worrying that he didn't care or worse, it may come off as mocking towards him. 

“I had some extra time this morning and thought about trying this hairstyle,” you explained, smiling as you lightly touch the locks that make your horns. “I reminded me of you and thought it’d be cute if we matched” 

You bravely turned to look at the tall man, trying to gauge his reaction to your new look. But Malleus was unreadable to you even as his eyes bore into you, more precisely, your “horns”. 

"Does it look good?" you asked but you were starting to worry he didn't.

Thankfully, that wasn't the case at all. In fact, Malleus was trying to pace his heartbeat after listening to your explanation. What a bold human you are in wishing to emulate his horns, a feature that he is aware can be intimidating to many people. And to do it with him in mind, more charming words have not been spoken. 

“Such a creative use of one’s hair. It is a fascinating form of style” Malleus let his curiosity take over and asked you, “If you allow it, I would like to touch them” 

Relieved, you nodded with a mischievous laugh, “I’ll allow it, but I can’t guarantee what will happen to you if you do” 

“What a cheeky human you are.” Malleus chuckled. He reached out to the top of your head and caressed the soft “horns” you carefully crafted, mindful of his fingers so as not to ruin your hard work. The moment was done in comfortable silence as you stood relaxed, trusting yourself under Malleus’ gentleness. 

Malleus’ mind began drifting to the days where his horns were small like yours. He recalled Lilia regaling the tales of Malleus’ younger years and as humiliating as that was, he now wondered if his children would have horns like these, so small and adorable. 

As the future King, he knew that he would have to sire an heir someday but he never spent a moment to visualize that image. But now, he couldn’t stop himself as he thought how cute his child would be with horns like these, along with other features from you. How cute his offspring would be with your bright eyes or your beautiful hair that you would brush as their parent. Perhaps they would have your laugh as well. In fact, he would be content even if they don't look anything like him, so long as they're your child, and his. 

“Tsunotaro?” Your voice broke through his wandering mind. “Are you alright?” 

Malleus didn’t realise that he stopped his previous attention to your hair as his mind delved deeper into thought. He also didn’t notice the small growl he emitted under his breath, but you certainly did. 

“Yes, I’m alright” he assured you “I was simply lost in thought for a moment” 

You believed him since you did see the way he had a faraway look in his green eyes. His gaze was still in the moment but there was a sense of wistfulness as he looked at you, which had you a little flustered. 

To ease your embarrassment, you took a step back (though you already missed Malleus’ touch) and smiled your nerves away. “Should we keep going with our walk?” 

Malleus agreed, resuming his stroll with you. But his previous thoughts have not left as he grew fond of the idea of children, more specifically children with you. As you shared the events of your day, Malleus was pondering on what he could do to match you as you did. 

Perhaps matching rings?

[strixop]

umm hi drdtumblr pls rb if you have an addition to this!!!!

okay okay so this is spur of the moment because my brain is disintegrating but like??? whit. right? theories about who he is, if he’s the mastermind, etc. aside, he has this habit of saying stuff that????? are 110% allusions to stuff he SHOULDNT know abt??????? always in a ‘oh boy i did NOT realize that the first time i watched this’ kinda way too (examples below)

chapter 2, ep. 7 ‘hanging out’

this is easily the most notable mention imho, references to DDLC aside, for all intents and purposes this is definitely?? a red flag???? given that area was in the playground HANGED??? the only real reasons i could think of is if he’d already seen the body, been the culprit, or the mastermind, and tbh i don’t think he’d be either of the first two 😭

chapter one, ep. 8 ‘prophetic dreams’

tbh this is WHY i’m making this post bc after i finished rewatching chapter 2 early i wanted to rewatch chapter one again right???? and okay u can have whatever thoughts abt mastermind BUT some of my personal favorites are the whit ones which just. make me at least pay attention to him right? and so i’m mid trail and realize he says THIS!!! a subtle but DIRECT reference to the mai dream!!!!!! like!!!!!!!!!

look i get that these two things alone don’t necessarily mean much BUT i’m convinced that they mean something and that i’ve probably missed out/forgotten some other similar bits like this!!!! this is where i ask u to help!!! if you’re rewatching too, or if you remember a specific moment like this, PLEASE reblog abt it! i feel like this is sm important!!!!!

[crippleprophet]

Is it okay for people with agoraphobia to look and take some of the advice you have for housebound people on here? I'm not really great at picking up nuance so I'm worried that it'd be crossing some boundary or that it's not the intention of the tag

that’s completely okay, i appreciate your desire to be respectful even though i’m sorry you were concerned! i absolutely consider folks with agoraphobia my comrades + community members and i’d be super honored if anything i’ve shared is helpful (+ am always interested in hearing what that was if you’re comfortable!) the rest of this is not anything you need to answer your question, just thoughts i’ve been having on the subject

i haven’t had the opportunity to talk to enough homebound [due to chronic illness / “physical” reasons] people to know if this is a common experience but for me i’ve noticed that similar to chronic illness often carrying depression with it, since becoming homebound i’ve become terrified of leaving the house.

this is definitely influenced by the fact that it’s untenably painful, my photosensitivity (in the UV sense not the epilepsy sense), the ongoing pandemic, the fact that i only left the house to go to the doctor for over a year & i’m afraid of the doctors appointment itself due to medical trauma, etc etc but like. there’s also the very strong pull of habit – i’m an incredibly obsessive & ritualistic person – and what Goffman refers to as “the relief of self-isolation” for marginalized people sheltering from a hostile society, a phrase i read in undergrad 5 1/2 years ago that’s stuck with me ever since for how profoundly it resonates.

i’m not trying to say these are necessarily your or any other person with agoraphobia’s feelings & experiences, more to illustrate how the liberation of all homebound people & shut-ins & hermits is bound up together; any sanist strategy for oppressing agoraphobes can easily be leveraged against me, not least because as a severely underdiagnosed person, the medical establishment does not think there is any “legitimate” “physical” reason for me to be homebound. to respond to this oppression by arguing it’s inapplicable because i’m not crazy would be untrue + a cruel act of lateral violence.

i’ve been reading a lot of butch/femme history recently (i post about that on my main @campgender; followers age 18+ only please) & have found myself entirely reconfiguring my understanding of the queer art of isolation, the incredible ability of our ancestors to hunker down & survive under circumstances unimaginable to the average person. i absolutely don’t want to deny the deep pain – not only the aspects i experience but also the heightened isolation of people without or before internet access + the ways these circumstances / forms of oppression can foster abuse –

but my god, so many 50s butches didn’t leave their homes during daylight hours for years in order to not be hate crimed for their gender presentation, & that’s the folks who were making it to the bars. so many others – “discreet” couples who didn’t want to risk being outed by engaging in queer community; people assigned female who “passed” as men & their partners; butch sex workers & other people with identities perceived as contradictory or unacceptable – existed marginalized by both queer & normative communities.

every time i think substantially about homeboundedness i always get tracy chapman’s “subcity” stuck in my head. obviously my access to housing period is a huge position of privilege, & i’m in the most economically secure position of my adult life so far; the abjection i experience is nowhere near the scale of people in the position of the speaker of the song, who’s implied to be street homeless. but the line “people say it doesn’t exist ‘cause no one would like to admit that there is a city underground” is such a succinct & accurate depiction of living the kind of life society tries to convince itself is impossible. but there truly is a rich genealogy of homeboundedness especially in queer history.

again i hope some of my posts & such are helpful / resonant! wishing you all the best 💓💓

[charcharbinks333]

S.G ~ Hayloft.

❝𝙔𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙜 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙨𝙡𝙚𝙚𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙜, 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙜 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙝𝙖𝙮 (𝙡𝙤𝙛𝙩)❞

content:

highschool!sam golbach x highschool!reader.

warnings:

sexual references if you squint. use of y/n.

word count:

3.8k.

proofread.

Small, repetitive taps echoed throughout your room. Your eyes fluttered open, the noise finally startling you awake. You rolled out of your bed groggily, walking over to the window with careful steps. 

You peeked outside to see a familiar blonde haired boy outside your window. He held a handful of the pebbles that decorated the outside of your house. You rolled your eyes and cracked your window open. “What the hell are you doing, Golbach? Do you even know what time it is?” 

Sam stared up at you, immediately speechless as his eyes met yours. The dim lighting from your room barely illuminated your features, just enough for him to see. “Look, I know it’s late, and I’m probably the last person you want to see standing in your yard, but I have to show you something,” he pleaded, scattering the rocks back into their decorative piles among the grass. 

He held a hand out to you, knowing you couldn’t reach, but simply as a gesture to imply you should follow him. You knew you’d be dead if your parents knew you were leaving this late, but couldn’t it be deemed worth it to see just what he was bothering you for?

“And why can't this wait til the morning?” You asked skeptically. His watercolor eyes held a hopeful look, seeing as your response wasn't necessarily negative. It definitely wasn't a no. 

“What's the fun in that?” His big goofy smile made your heart skip a beat. He looked down, kicking at the dirt. “there's really no one else I'd rather show this to.” 

You stared at him for a moment more, contemplating your options. If you got caught, you'd be dead. But, what's the worst that could happen? “And what do I get out of this?” 

He shrugged. “Hanging out with me?” 

The hopeful look he held was nothing if not enticing to you. You leaned out the window further, sighing as you checked for anyone else around. It was just him, clearly he had no ill intention. Or maybe he did.

“Eh, why the hell not,” you say with an obvious eye roll, shutting your window before he could respond. You take your time moving toward the back door, making your hasty exit before you could be caught.

“I knew you’d come around,” he cooed with a cocky smile.

“Honestly, kinda felt like I was being held at gunpoint,” you teased. “I mean, what can I say? Can't ignore you forever.” 

He let out a small laugh. “I'm glad you feel that way.” 

“Don't make me change my mind,” you warned. “What do you even have to show me, anyway? Don't you have your little boyfriend, Cole or something?” 

“Colby is sleeping.” He emphasized his best friend's name. “My car is parked right up the street,” he mentioned, matching his walking pace with yours. 

“Uh, excuse me. I was sleeping too,” you muttered. 

“Well, he would've killed me if I woke him up. I thought since you want to kill me either way, it was worth a shot.” A small smile was plastered on his face. He felt as if he couldn't stop smiling, he finally got you to give him some sort of a chance. 

You roll your eyes, chuckling dryly at his statement. “Yeah, whatever. I never wanted to kill you, necessarily. That’s just an exaggeration…”

It wasn’t at all an exaggeration. Your mind helplessly wandered to your past interactions, not a single one showing any sort of connection. 

“Ew, as if, Golbach! Go bother your boyfriend instead,” you scoffed as he leaned closer to you, his signature—and clearly fake—cocky smirk plastered on his pale skin. You shoved him away and he stumbled back into a desk, his mouth hanging agape as he stared at you in shock. You’d never laid a hand on him, but he couldn’t do anything back… you were a girl! He couldn’t hit a girl…

The gross look on your face snapped him back to reality. “You know, that was really uncalled for,” he muttered before storming off. 

You shook the thought from your head, seeing as that scene happened all the way back in middle school. Maybe in that moment, you did want to kill him, but you never truly did. 

“Okay, Y/n.” He laughed, a sarcastic undertone to everything he said. You knew he was just protecting his heart. He had his guard up around you now, and you were starting to feel bad about it. 

Your voice softened. You didn't know how to apologize without sounding like a pussy, but you felt like it was needed. The weird tension was slowly getting to you. “Maybe I disliked you very much, but I never hated you, Sam.” 

“Past tense?” He asked, a laugh falling from his lips. “Do you actually like me now?” 

“I can tolerate your presence,” you rebutted. 

What seemed like a crack in his hard exterior became more and more visible by the second. He smiled. The realest smile you’d seen from him. 

“Yeah, well, you’re not too bad yourself,” he joked, playfully bumping your shoulder with his.

You both finally arrived at Sam’s car, after what felt like an eternity. The next shocker—he opened the door for you. Your eyes lingered on him for a moment before you ducked down and settled yourself in the passenger seat. 

“Y’know, I didn’t peg you for a gentleman.” He settled on his side and started the car after a few stalls. He glanced over at you with a dry chuckle, a clear and sarcastic sign that none of his gestures could be deemed gentlemanly.

Sam explained that it was quite a long drive before going quiet. An awkward silence filled the car as you listened intently to the soft radio. 

As houses and barns started to disperse, you knew you were leaving town. It was a small town, give or take, so you weren't necessarily surprised. What you were was concerned. “Are you kidnapping me?” 

Sam shook his head and chuckled, changing the radio station as he drove. “No, we’re going to a very common hang out spot among my friends. you may not like it though, princess,” he teased. He stopped his car in a large patch of pebbles, and all you could see was a large prairie on the outskirts of a small forest.

“Oh shit, are you taking me to the legendary barn?” You ask with an eager smile. You’d heard stories of this place, but never thought you’d ever go.

“Yeah, and it’s a long walk, so no complaining.” He got out of the car and walked around to your side, opening the door for you.

You couldn't help your face from heating up at the smallest gesture. The moon illuminated Sam's features, especially the ones you had never taken the time to notice. You caught yourself staring, making your heart jump. You looked down at your feet as you followed behind him.  

You listened closely to Sam's soft footsteps in the dirt mixed with the noises of crickets chirping in the far distance. He quickly broke the silence. “I'm honestly surprised you've heard about our barn.”

“Your barn,” you muttered under your breath with a laugh. “It's not like you guys are secretive about your ‘investigations.’ Colby posts on his Facebook so much.” 

Sam laughed sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. “Yeah, no, that’s true… I tried to tell him our spot would be invaded if he kept posting, but he’s stubborn. Don’t get me wrong, though, he’s a great guy, just doesn’t think ahead." The way he spoke about his best friend was kind of cute, like he held Colby on a pedestal of sorts, it was admirable.

“Are we almost there?” you chimed, breaking the momentary silence. Sam holds a low-hanging branch out of your way as you enter the forest.

“Not much further, so don’t worry.” You both trekked through the forest, making it to the edge of the trees when the barn finally came into view. 

The atmosphere was so peaceful, yet terrifying. Sam walking close beside you was a comforting presence. His hand brushed against yours, sending goosebumps all over your body. Your stomach was doing backflips as you looked at him.  

He led you into the barn. You Looked up at the hay bales stacked close to the roof. Your jaw fell open at the sight. “How the hell do you even get up there?” 

“Look, I’ll show you.” Dirt kicked up under his shoes as he jogged over to a singular hay bale on the floor. “You just climb up these, it's basically a staircase.” He jumped to the second one. 

You bobbed over and climbed on top of it, following his lead. “Is this safe?” 

He hesitated. “No.. But I'll make sure you're safe. don't worry, baby,” he teased with a smile. He held out his hand. You took it and he pulled you up to the next hay bale. 

Baby? The name alone made your heart pound out of your chest, or maybe it was the anxiety from the American Ninja Warrior-esque trek up to the top of the hay bails. As you finally made it, you had a straight-shot view of the moon. There were holes in the aluminum panels that gave you a perfect view of the night sky, and only wooden beams supporting the metal that could easily fall on you at any moment.

“You said you come here often, right?” You wanted reassurance that the roof wouldn’t collapse on you and end up another town-wide horror story. He nodded his head as he settled toward the top of the hay, patting the spot next to him. You settle there hesitantly, nervous you’d fall down to your death at any moment.

“Don’t be afraid, you won’t fall,” he said, clearly comforting you. He wrapped his arm around your waist. “If you start falling, I’ll be here to make sure you don’t die or whatever.” He flashed a charming smile your way.

His touch made your mind foggy. His fingers dug into the soft flesh of your waist as you spoke. “What do you and Colby even do when you're here?” 

“We play little kid games, like tag, and run around on the hay bales,” he explained. “Do you remember when I had to wear a fat ass brace to school for like, a week?” 

You nodded. He seemed to be amused that you remembered such a small detail. 

“Yeah, that was ‘cause my ankle got stuck in between these bales. Colby physically couldn't stop laughing at me.” Sam adjusted, scooting closer to you. 

His obvious attempts to remain close to you didn’t go unnoticed. You fidgeted with the hem of your shirt, trying to find something to say to keep talking to him. You couldn’t help but love his voice, especially with him this close to you…

“I always found your voice really comforting, y’know,” you blurted out before you could stop yourself. His eyebrows raised in amusement as he glanced over at you, his teeth grazing his lower lip for a moment.

“Wow, really? People usually say I sound like a squeaky toy.” His joke was emphasized by an accidental voice crack, and his pale face immediately flushed red. You nudge him playfully with your elbow, teasing him.

“Aww, you sound like a 12 year old boy,” you coo.

“Wow, watch me hit puberty all over again,” he joked. “I'm kidding, I hit puberty a long time ago, don't worry.” 

You rolled your eyes as he winked at you. “Thanks for letting me know,” you reply sarcastically. 

“Really, though. I don't know what to say to that,” he admitted, avoiding eye contact with you. You watched intently as he picked at the hay under the two of you. He seemed hesitant, choking on his words. “Y/n, there's something I really need to tell you.” 

You turn back to look at him, your head cocked to the side. You’d never seen him so hesitant, he seemed… insecure, even. You held your lower lip between your teeth for a moment, the tension between the two practically killing you. “Y-yeah…?”

His eyes drifted to somewhere behind you, his brows raising for a moment. He had the chance to get away from this painfully awkward position, realizing he wasn’t quite ready yet. “There’s a… There’s a ladder behind you, we could go to the roof, if you’d like,” he suggested with a coy shrug of his shoulders.

Sam mentally chided himself. He wanted so badly to confess to you, but something about the moment didn’t feel right. Something was off. He scratched the back of his neck nervously as he awaited your answer, looking up at you through his brows. 

“Uhm, okay. Yeah.” Sam stood up and offered his hand to you. You gratefully took it and he pulled you to a standing position. You awkwardly followed him up the ladder to the roof. 

The night was gorgeous. Out in the middle of nowhere, there weren't any lights or noises to interrupt the music of the nighttime. You admired the twinkling stars in the sky that reminded you of Sam's eyes every time he saw you. You couldn't get enough of how he looked at you. 

He stood next to you, staring up at the sky as well. “It’s really nice outside,” he broke the silence, before turning to you. “Come sit with me?” 

You hummed in response. He walked to the edge of the roof and sat down, letting his feet dangle off the ledge. You sat next to him, mirroring his position. You sat dangerously close to him, placing your hand on top of his softly. 

You felt uneasy sitting up there, like you could fall at any moment. You looked down to the ground and tensed up, your hand squeezing Sam’s. He shifted closer to you and moved to wrap his arm around your shoulder, giving you a sense of comfort.

“Don’t worry, only a few people have fallen through or off this roof. Maybe like, 7?” You shove him gently as he tried to scare you, but it earned a hearty laugh from you.

“Alright, alright, no reason to be scared, blah blah…” you trail off as you turn your head, realizing just how close the two of you were. You could feel his warm breath against your face, causing a shudder to run down your spine. 

Sam’s gaze flicked down to your lips momentarily, before meeting your eyes once again. Something was hidden in the pale blue color of his irises, some kind of longing. “There was something I wanted to tell you, y/n,” he whispered, each word he spoke laced with unease and anxiety.

“Just fucking spit it out, Golbach,” you muttered. He was so close, you could hear his uneasy breathing. “Please.”

“I love you, Y/n. God, I knew I'd love you as soon as we spoke for the first time, even if you were mean to me,” he paused, taking a deep breath. 

Sam had been one of those untouchable boys since middle school. All of the girls wanted him, but he had never shown any interest. It was that moment you realized why. 

His bright blue eyes met yours. “Fuck, I've never loved anyone like I love you. You don’t- You don't have to say anything, but I want you to know.” He moved his arm from your shoulder to wrap tightly around your waist. You could feel how badly he was shaking. 

You raise your eyebrows, taking a moment to process everything he had said to you. Your hand trembled slightly as you reached out, brushing his hair away from his eyes gently.

“You mean more to me than you could ever know,” you murmured, “I never… meant to hurt you, Sam, I just taught myself to hate you because I thought you hated me, but in reality… goddamn, I think I love you too.” Your hand moves to cup his cheek, your touch ghosting his skin, feathery almost. 

His shoulders relaxed as soon as you confessed. It was like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, like he could walk on water. Anything was possible now that he knew: you loved him. He pulled you closer by your waist, his eyes boring holes into you.

“I’ve been waiting so long to hear you say that,” he whispered, his eyes fixed on your lips now, wanting more than anything to lean in closer.

His lips finally met yours. They moved in a sweet, sensual motion. He tasted of vanilla, a surprisingly sweet combination with your minty gum. He moved his hands down to your hips, squeezing gently as he held the kiss for as long as you let him. 

Sam could've kissed you forever. You wrapped your arms around his neck and tangled your fingers in his honey locks. 

You pulled away a moment to catch your breath, but he immediately chased your lips. He was insanely desperate for you, to not lose your touch for even a moment. 

You tug playfully on his golden hair, earning a soft grunt from him. One of his hands moved to the roof beside you to keep himself steady.

He pulled away, breathing heavily. He gazed into your eyes, resting his sweaty forehead against yours. You couldn't help but smile and place a soft peck against his lips. “I love you, Sam. I'm sorry for everything before, I wish I wasn't so stupid.”

“You're not stupid. I’m stupidly in love with you.” He grinned at the cheesy saying. You rolled your eyes with a contradictory smile. 

He took your hand in his, rubbing his thumb over your knuckles slowly. He looked up at the sky, the stars shining beautifully, sure, but they couldn’t compare to you.

“There's Orion's belt.” you pointed out the constellation, a smile on your face. What a dork… he thought to himself. He followed your hand and looked up at the sky once again, finding the constellation easily with your guidance.

“All these stars, yet somehow you shine brighter,” he murmured, as if thinking aloud without realizing. a red hue meets your cheeks as you look back at him, your brows raised.

“Well I'll be damned, he’s a poet,” you teased. He rolled his eyes and scoffed.

“Yeah, yeah, I'm a poet and I didn't even know it or whatever corny shit you’re gonna say next,” he laughed sarcastically.

You lightly slapped his shoulder. “Now I'm the corny one?” 

He rolled his eyes. “I should probably take you home soon, don't want your parents flipping out.”

You let out a sad sigh. “I guess you're right.” 

The venture back to the car was no easier than getting there. Sam helped you down the ladder and off of the hay bales. He interlocked his fingers with yours as you carefully walked out of the barn. 

“When can I see you again?” he asked suddenly. “I mean, I know we have school Monday, but that's still one day I don't get to see you. Do you even know how much I hate that?” 

You giggled. “If I'm not grounded, come over tomorrow. My parents are working, so we'll have the whole house to ourselves.” 

He smirked, “I'm completely okay with that.” 

You slapped his arm again. “Shut up, not like that!”

He shrugged. “Can’t blame a boy for his mind wandering.” 

The drive back to your house was silent as Sam was caught in his own mind. He could see you again tomorrow? And what did tonight mean for the two of you? He wanted to be your boyfriend, more than anything, but he couldn’t be sure that you wanted the same. He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel to the rhythm of the song playing—some old rock song or something.

He parked a few houses down from yours, getting out of the car before you and jogging around to your side to once again open the door for you.

“You are such a gentleman,” you say with a fake posh accent and a clumsy faux-curtsey. You giggle as he shuts the door as quietly as possible, not wanting to raise suspicion from anyone on the street.

He walked you back to your house, his arm around your shoulder, shielding you from the cold.

“You planning on coming in with me or something?” you accused with a quiet laugh under your breath.

“I mean, do you want me to?” 

“Yeah,” you tried to say nonchalantly, but ended up giggling. 

He followed you in through the back door and tiptoed quietly through the house. This was the first time he was really seeing your room. He looked around at your pale walls that were covered with miscellaneous decorations and your messy bed. He couldn't help but smile. He felt like he was looking at your whole life in one small area. To be fair, he was. 

You collapsed onto your bed with a huff. “I am exhausted.” 

“I’ll let you go back to sleep, I'm going to go home.” He walked over and placed a kiss on your forehead. “I love you, y/n.”

“Wait!” You grabbed his hand as he started to walk towards your door. “Stay, please?” 

His face lit up as you grabbed his hand, he turned back to you, kneeling beside your bed. “Do you really want me to stay?” he whispered, his brows quirked.

“Of course I do.” You scoot closer to the wall and pat the spot on your bed beside you. He hesitantly sat down, leaning back against your headboard. He looked up and saw the Napoleon Dynamite poster on your ceiling, which brought a small smile to his lips. 

“I love Napoleon Dynamite,” he said, looking down at you once again. You looked 10 times more comfortable with him sitting beside you. His heart was immediately warmed seeing you grasp onto his sleeve. 

“So do I,” you said in a surprisingly casual tone, considering your stomach was being immediately swarmed with butterflies as he mentioned loving your favorite movie.

Silence filled the room for a moment. He interrupted the silence. “Why are you so far away? c'mere.” 

He opened his arms to you as he laid down in your bed. You wrapped your arms around him, resting your head on his chest. “Y'know, it's so much cozier in here with you.” 

He smiled, placing a kiss on the top of your head. “Everything's better when I'm with you.” 

You felt your heart, which was once pounding against your ribcage as you adjusted to his touch, calming down as you cuddled into his chest. You exhaled softly, feeling your eyelids growing heavier by the moment.

“Goodnight, Golbach,” you teased, finally feeling the warmth of your duvet as he pulled it over the both of you.

“Goodnight, Y/N.” He kissed the top of your head once again. He ran his hand up and down your back, slowly coaxing you into sleep.

~~~~~ collab with @hearts4golbach check out their page!

[hearts4golbach]

Hayloft.

This fanfiction is co-written by @charcharbinks333.

pairing:

Highschool!Sam Golbach x Highschool!Fem!Reader.

a/n:

"young lovers and they are not sleeping, young lovers in the hayloft."

proofread

warnings:

sexual references if you squint.

word count:

3.8k

Small, repetitive taps echoed throughout your room. Your eyes fluttered open, the noise finally startling you awake. You rolled out of your bed groggily, walking over to the window with careful steps.

You peeked outside to see a familiar blonde haired boy outside your window. He held a handful of the pebbles that decorated the outside of your house. You rolled your eyes and cracked your window open. “What the hell are you doing, Golbach? Do you even know what time it is?”

Sam stared up at you, immediately speechless as his eyes met yours. The dim lighting from your room barely illuminated your features, just enough for him to see. “Look, I know it’s late, and I’m probably the last person you want to see standing in your yard, but I have to show you something,” he pleaded, scattering the rocks back into their decorative piles among the grass.

He held a hand out to you, knowing you couldn’t reach, but simply as a gesture to imply you should follow him. You knew you’d be dead if your parents knew you were leaving this late, but couldn’t it be deemed worth it to see just what he was bothering you for?

“And why can't this wait til the morning?” You asked skeptically. His watercolor eyes held a hopeful look, seeing as your response wasn't necessarily negative. It definitely wasn't a no.

“What's the fun in that?” His big goofy smile made your heart skip a beat. He looked down, kicking at the dirt. “there's really no one else I'd rather show this to.”

You stared at him for a moment more, contemplating your options. If you got caught, you'd be dead. But, what's the worst that could happen? “And what do I get out of this?”

He shrugged. “Hanging out with me?”

The hopeful look he held was nothing if not enticing to you. You leaned out the window further, sighing as you checked for anyone else around. It was just him, clearly he had no ill intention. Or maybe he did.

“Eh, why the hell not,” you say with an obvious eye roll, shutting your window before he could respond. You take your time moving toward the back door, making your hasty exit before you could be caught.

“I knew you’d come around,” he cooed with a cocky smile.

“Honestly, kinda felt like I was being held at gunpoint,” you teased. “I mean, what can I say? Can't ignore you forever.”

He let out a small laugh. “I'm glad you feel that way.”

“Don't make me change my mind,” you warned. “What do you even have to show me, anyway? Don't you have your little boyfriend, Cole or something?”

“Colby is sleeping.” He emphasized his best friend's name. “My car is parked right up the street,” he mentioned, matching his walking pace with yours.

“Uh, excuse me. I was sleeping too,” you muttered.

“Well, he would've killed me if I woke him up. I thought since you want to kill me either way, it was worth a shot.” A small smile was plastered on his face. He felt as if he couldn't stop smiling, he finally got you to give him some sort of a chance.

You roll your eyes, chuckling dryly at his statement. “Yeah, whatever. I never wanted to kill you, necessarily. That’s just an exaggeration…”

It wasn’t at all an exaggeration. Your mind helplessly wandered to your past interactions, not a single one showing any sort of connection.

“Ew, as if, Golbach! Go bother your boyfriend instead,” you scoffed as he leaned closer to you, his signature—and clearly fake—cocky smirk plastered on his pale skin. You shoved him away and he stumbled back into a desk, his mouth hanging agape as he stared at you in shock. You’d never laid a hand on him, but he couldn’t do anything back… you were a girl! He couldn’t hit a girl…

The gross look on your face snapped him back to reality. “You know, that was really uncalled for,” he muttered before storming off.

You shook the thought from your head, seeing as that scene happened all the way back in middle school. Maybe in that moment, you did want to kill him, but you never truly did.

“Okay, Y/n.” He laughed, a sarcastic undertone to everything he said. You knew he was just protecting his heart. He had his guard up around you now, and you were starting to feel bad about it.

Your voice softened. You didn't know how to apologize without sounding like a pussy, but you felt like it was needed. The weird tension was slowly getting to you. “Maybe I disliked you very much, but I never hated you, Sam.”

“Past tense?” He asked, a laugh falling from his lips. “Do you actually like me now?”

“I can tolerate your presence,” you rebutted.

What seemed like a crack in his hard exterior became more and more visible by the second. He smiled. The realest smile you’d seen from him.

“Yeah, well, you’re not too bad yourself,” he joked, playfully bumping your shoulder with his.

You both finally arrived at Sam’s car, after what felt like an eternity. The next shocker—he opened the door for you. Your eyes lingered on him for a moment before you ducked down and settled yourself in the passenger seat.

“Y’know, I didn’t peg you for a gentleman.” He settled on his side and started the car after a few stalls. He glanced over at you with a dry chuckle, a clear and sarcastic sign that none of his gestures could be deemed gentlemanly.

Sam explained that it was quite a long drive before going quiet. An awkward silence filled the car as you listened intently to the soft radio.

As houses and barns started to disperse, you knew you were leaving town. It was a small town, give or take, so you weren't necessarily surprised. What you were was concerned. “Are you kidnapping me?”

Sam shook his head and chuckled, changing the radio station as he drove. “No, we’re going to a very common hang out spot among my friends. you may not like it though, princess,” he teased. He stopped his car in a large patch of pebbles, and all you could see was a large prairie on the outskirts of a small forest.

“Oh shit, are you taking me to the legendary barn?” You ask with an eager smile. You’d heard stories of this place, but never thought you’d ever go.

“Yeah, and it’s a long walk, so no complaining.” He got out of the car and walked around to your side, opening the door for you.

You couldn't help your face from heating up at the smallest gesture. The moon illuminated Sam's features, especially the ones you had never taken the time to notice. You caught yourself staring, making your heart jump. You looked down at your feet as you followed behind him.

You listened closely to Sam's soft footsteps in the dirt mixed with the noises of crickets chirping in the far distance. He quickly broke the silence. “I'm honestly surprised you've heard about our barn.”

“Your barn,” you muttered under your breath with a laugh. “It's not like you guys are secretive about your ‘investigations.’ Colby posts on his Facebook so much.”

Sam laughed sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. “Yeah, no, that’s true… I tried to tell him our spot would be invaded if he kept posting, but he’s stubborn. Don’t get me wrong, though, he’s a great guy, just doesn’t think ahead." The way he spoke about his best friend was kind of cute, like he held Colby on a pedestal of sorts, it was admirable.

“Are we almost there?” you chimed, breaking the momentary silence. Sam holds a low-hanging branch out of your way as you enter the forest.

“Not much further, so don’t worry.” You both trekked through the forest, making it to the edge of the trees when the barn finally came into view.

The atmosphere was so peaceful, yet terrifying. Sam walking close beside you was a comforting presence. His hand brushed against yours, sending goosebumps all over your body. Your stomach was doing backflips as you looked at him.

He led you into the barn. You Looked up at the hay bales stacked close to the roof. Your jaw fell open at the sight. “How the hell do you even get up there?”

“Look, I’ll show you.” Dirt kicked up under his shoes as he jogged over to a singular hay bale on the floor. “You just climb up these, it's basically a staircase.” He jumped to the second one.

You bobbed over and climbed on top of it, following his lead. “Is this safe?”

He hesitated. “No.. But I'll make sure you're safe. don't worry, baby,” he teased with a smile. He held out his hand. You took it and he pulled you up to the next hay bale.

Baby? The name alone made your heart pound out of your chest, or maybe it was the anxiety from the American Ninja Warrior-esque trek up to the top of the hay bails. As you finally made it, you had a straight-shot view of the moon. There were holes in the aluminum panels that gave you a perfect view of the night sky, and only wooden beams supporting the metal that could easily fall on you at any moment.

“You said you come here often, right?” You wanted reassurance that the roof wouldn’t collapse on you and end up another town-wide horror story. He nodded his head as he settled toward the top of the hay, patting the spot next to him. You settle there hesitantly, nervous you’d fall down to your death at any moment.

“Don’t be afraid, you won’t fall,” he said, clearly comforting you. He wrapped his arm around your waist. “If you start falling, I’ll be here to make sure you don’t die or whatever.” He flashed a charming smile your way.

His touch made your mind foggy. His fingers dug into the soft flesh of your waist as you spoke. “What do you and Colby even do when you're here?”

“We play little kid games, like tag, and run around on the hay bales,” he explained. “Do you remember when I had to wear a fat ass brace to school for like, a week?”

You nodded. He seemed to be amused that you remembered such a small detail.

“Yeah, that was ‘cause my ankle got stuck in between these bales. Colby physically couldn't stop laughing at me.” Sam adjusted, scooting closer to you.

His obvious attempts to remain close to you didn’t go unnoticed. You fidgeted with the hem of your shirt, trying to find something to say to keep talking to him. You couldn’t help but love his voice, especially with him this close to you…

“I always found your voice really comforting, y’know,” you blurted out before you could stop yourself. His eyebrows raised in amusement as he glanced over at you, his teeth grazing his lower lip for a moment.

“Wow, really? People usually say I sound like a squeaky toy.” His joke was emphasized by an accidental voice crack, and his pale face immediately flushed red. You nudge him playfully with your elbow, teasing him.

“Aww, you sound like a 12 year old boy,” you coo.

“Wow, watch me hit puberty all over again,” he joked. “I'm kidding, I hit puberty a long time ago, don't worry.”

You rolled your eyes as he winked at you. “Thanks for letting me know,” you reply sarcastically.

“Really, though. I don't know what to say to that,” he admitted, avoiding eye contact with you. You watched intently as he picked at the hay under the two of you. He seemed hesitant, choking on his words. “Y/n, there's something I really need to tell you.”

You turn back to look at him, your head cocked to the side. You’d never seen him so hesitant, he seemed… insecure, even. You held your lower lip between your teeth for a moment, the tension between the two practically killing you. “Y-yeah…?”

His eyes drifted to somewhere behind you, his brows raising for a moment. He had the chance to get away from this painfully awkward position, realizing he wasn’t quite ready yet. “There’s a… There’s a ladder behind you, we could go to the roof, if you’d like,” he suggested with a coy shrug of his shoulders.

Sam mentally chided himself. He wanted so badly to confess to you, but something about the moment didn’t feel right. Something was off. He scratched the back of his neck nervously as he awaited your answer, looking up at you through his brows.

“Uhm, okay. Yeah.” Sam stood up and offered his hand to you. You gratefully took it and he pulled you to a standing position. You awkwardly followed him up the ladder to the roof.

The night was gorgeous. Out in the middle of nowhere, there weren't any lights or noises to interrupt the music of the nighttime. You admired the twinkling stars in the sky that reminded you of Sam's eyes every time he saw you. You couldn't get enough of how he looked at you.

He stood next to you, staring up at the sky as well. “It’s really nice outside,” he broke the silence, before turning to you. “Come sit with me?”

You hummed in response. He walked to the edge of the roof and sat down, letting his feet dangle off the ledge. You sat next to him, mirroring his position. You sat dangerously close to him, placing your hand on top of his softly.

You felt uneasy sitting up there, like you could fall at any moment. You looked down to the ground and tensed up, your hand squeezing Sam’s. He shifted closer to you and moved to wrap his arm around your shoulder, giving you a sense of comfort.

“Don’t worry, only a few people have fallen through or off this roof. Maybe like, 7?” You shove him gently as he tried to scare you, but it earned a hearty laugh from you.

“Alright, alright, no reason to be scared, blah blah…” you trail off as you turn your head, realizing just how close the two of you were. You could feel his warm breath against your face, causing a shudder to run down your spine.

Sam’s gaze flicked down to your lips momentarily, before meeting your eyes once again. Something was hidden in the pale blue color of his irises, some kind of longing. “There was something I wanted to tell you, y/n,” he whispered, each word he spoke laced with unease and anxiety.

“Just fucking spit it out, Golbach,” you muttered. He was so close, you could hear his uneasy breathing. “Please.”

“I love you, Y/n. God, I knew I'd love you as soon as we spoke for the first time, even if you were mean to me,” he paused, taking a deep breath.

Sam had been one of those untouchable boys since middle school. All of the girls wanted him, but he had never shown any interest. It was that moment you realized why.

His bright blue eyes met yours. “Fuck, I've never loved anyone like I love you. You don’t- You don't have to say anything, but I want you to know.” He moved his arm from your shoulder to wrap tightly around your waist. You could feel how badly he was shaking.

You raise your eyebrows, taking a moment to process everything he had said to you. Your hand trembled slightly as you reached out, brushing his hair away from his eyes gently.

“You mean more to me than you could ever know,” you murmured, “I never… meant to hurt you, Sam, I just taught myself to hate you because I thought you hated me, but in reality… goddamn, I think I love you too.” Your hand moves to cup his cheek, your touch ghosting his skin, feathery almost.

His shoulders relaxed as soon as you confessed. It was like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, like he could walk on water. Anything was possible now that he knew: you loved him. He pulled you closer by your waist, his eyes boring holes into you.

“I’ve been waiting so long to hear you say that,” he whispered, his eyes fixed on your lips now, wanting more than anything to lean in closer.

His lips finally met yours. They moved in a sweet, sensual motion. He tasted of vanilla, a surprisingly sweet combination with your minty gum. He moved his hands down to your hips, squeezing gently as he held the kiss for as long as you let him.

Sam could've kissed you forever. You wrapped your arms around his neck and tangled your fingers in his honey locks.

You pulled away a moment to catch your breath, but he immediately chased your lips. He was insanely desperate for you, to not lose your touch for even a moment.

You tug playfully on his golden hair, earning a soft grunt from him. One of his hands moved to the roof beside you to keep himself steady.

He pulled away, breathing heavily. He gazed into your eyes, resting his sweaty forehead against yours. You couldn't help but smile and place a soft peck against his lips. “I love you, Sam. I'm sorry for everything before, I wish I wasn't so stupid.”

“You're not stupid. I’m stupidly in love with you.” He grinned at the cheesy saying. You rolled your eyes with a contradictory smile.

He took your hand in his, rubbing his thumb over your knuckles slowly. He looked up at the sky, the stars shining beautifully, sure, but they couldn’t compare to you.

“There's Orion's belt.” you pointed out the constellation, a smile on your face. What a dork… he thought to himself. He followed your hand and looked up at the sky once again, finding the constellation easily with your guidance.

“All these stars, yet somehow you shine brighter,” he murmured, as if thinking aloud without realizing. a red hue meets your cheeks as you look back at him, your brows raised.

“Well I'll be damned, he’s a poet,” you teased. He rolled his eyes and scoffed.

“Yeah, yeah, I'm a poet and I didn't even know it or whatever corny shit you’re gonna say next,” he laughed sarcastically.

You lightly slapped his shoulder. “Now I'm the corny one?”

He rolled his eyes. “I should probably take you home soon, don't want your parents flipping out.”

You let out a sad sigh. “I guess you're right.”

The venture back to the car was no easier than getting there. Sam helped you down the ladder and off of the hay bales. He interlocked his fingers with yours as you carefully walked out of the barn.

“When can I see you again?” he asked suddenly. “I mean, I know we have school Monday, but that's still one day I don't get to see you. Do you even know how much I hate that?”

You giggled. “If I'm not grounded, come over tomorrow. My parents are working, so we'll have the whole house to ourselves.”

He smirked, “I'm completely okay with that.”

You slapped his arm again. “Shut up, not like that!”

He shrugged. “Can’t blame a boy for his mind wandering.”

The drive back to your house was silent as Sam was caught in his own mind. He could see you again tomorrow? And what did tonight mean for the two of you? He wanted to be your boyfriend, more than anything, but he couldn’t be sure that you wanted the same. He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel to the rhythm of the song playing—some old rock song or something.

He parked a few houses down from yours, getting out of the car before you and jogging around to your side to once again open the door for you.

“You are such a gentleman,” you say with a fake posh accent and a clumsy faux-curtsey. You giggle as he shuts the door as quietly as possible, not wanting to raise suspicion from anyone on the street.

He walked you back to your house, his arm around your shoulder, shielding you from the cold.

“You planning on coming in with me or something?” you accused with a quiet laugh under your breath.

“I mean, do you want me to?”

“Yeah,” you tried to say nonchalantly, but ended up giggling.

He followed you in through the back door and tiptoed quietly through the house. This was the first time he was really seeing your room. He looked around at your pale walls that were covered with miscellaneous decorations and your messy bed. He couldn't help but smile. He felt like he was looking at your whole life in one small area. To be fair, he was.

You collapsed onto your bed with a huff. “I am exhausted.”

“I’ll let you go back to sleep, I'm going to go home.” He walked over and placed a kiss on your forehead. “I love you, y/n.”

“Wait!” You grabbed his hand as he started to walk towards your door. “Stay, please?”

His face lit up as you grabbed his hand, he turned back to you, kneeling beside your bed. “Do you really want me to stay?” he whispered, his brows quirked.

“Of course I do.” You scoot closer to the wall and pat the spot on your bed beside you. He hesitantly sat down, leaning back against your headboard. He looked up and saw the Napoleon Dynamite poster on your ceiling, which brought a small smile to his lips.

“I love Napoleon Dynamite,” he said, looking down at you once again. You looked 10 times more comfortable with him sitting beside you. His heart was immediately warmed seeing you grasp onto his sleeve.

“So do I,” you said in a surprisingly casual tone, considering your stomach was being immediately swarmed with butterflies as he mentioned loving your favorite movie.

Silence filled the room for a moment. He interrupted the silence. “Why are you so far away? c'mere.”

He opened his arms to you as he laid down in your bed. You wrapped your arms around him, resting your head on his chest. “Y'know, it's so much cozier in here with you.”

He smiled, placing a kiss on the top of your head. “Everything's better when I'm with you.”

You felt your heart, which was once pounding against your ribcage as you adjusted to his touch, calming down as you cuddled into his chest. You exhaled softly, feeling your eyelids growing heavier by the moment.

“Goodnight, Golbach,” you teased, finally feeling the warmth of your duvet as he pulled it over the both of you.

“Goodnight, Y/N.” He kissed the top of your head once again. He ran his hand up and down your back, slowly coaxing you into sleep.

[gay-dorito-dust]

OMG can I ask for a MAWS prompt? 🥺👉👈 Like superman saving reader and developing a fanatism out if that 👀

A/n: I’m just going to assume Clark and reader know each other for the sake of the fic. Also idk if this is what you wanted

‘Are you alright?’

You swore you heard an angel ask, softly luring you into opening your eyes only to be greeted with the most softest pair of cornflower blues looking back at you intently. The man was so undeniably beautiful and gentle in the way he holds himself, in the way he spoke to you as he helped you off the ground whilst his big, strong hands were being the only thing holding you up from another collapse with how weak you seemed to be in that moment.

‘Are you hurt anywhere? Do you need any medical attention?’ The man furthered his questioning when you didn’t answer him the first time, believing that something must be seriously wrong, when in actual fact you were just silently trying to ingrain every last feature of this man’s perfect face into your memory for further reference under the guise of secret admiration; From his dark windswept hair, his god like physique, his soft jawline, to the S on his chest that stood out to you like a shining beacon of hope.

‘I’m fine, thanks to you…’ you trailed off upon realising that you didn’t know your hero’s name. ‘Superman.’ He answered with semi-confidence as though it was a name he had came up with on the spot. It looked like he wanted to say more but his attention was drawn elsewhere, his face sets into a comparatively more hardened mould and within a blink of an eye and a gust of wind; Superman had disappeared from sight.

Ever since being rescued your mind was forever plagued by constant daydream that fantasised of being saved by Superman again and again just so you could relive the feel of his big yet caring hands practically cradle you into his strong chest, where you would rest your head whilst shamelessly ogling at his side profile for as long as you were allowed before he would inevitably drop you off somewhere safe and disappear from sight once more. The context of what it was that he was saving you from didn’t necessarily matter, you could’ve tripped over untied shoelaces, or been dropped from a tall height, the details didn’t matter as long as the daydream ended all the same where Superman saves you and by extension the day.

‘Are you alright?’

The Superman in your dream would say each and every time, but it never failed in making butterflies in your stomach at the thought of him being concerned about your well-being.

‘I’m alright, thanks to you.’ You would always reply with as you were hyperaware of the placement of his hands,whether that be on your waist, on your arms, or your shoulders. It didn’t matter, just as long as he was touching you in some form of way where your mind could then further trick your into thinking he was actually there in front of you; from how authentic the warmth of his palms pressed against you was,or the puffs of warm breath that brushed against your face, to the way he held himself.

At some points of your daydream, it often would feel a bit too real.

‘You really should be careful. I don’t want you getting yourself hurt over me.’ He tells you as his face seemed to have gotten closer towards yours during the time he spoke, his hands had shifted to rest upon each side of your head; whereas you were internalising everything that wanted to deep out in that moment as his thumbs had began to gingerly run across your cheeks. ‘I’m sure your just equally as worried about everyone else you’ve saved. It’s in your nature to protect people but it’s also our duty to protect ourselves to prevent further incidents such as this…’ you trailed off just as his forehead was then pressing itself up against yours.

But the words that left his mouth pulled you straight out of the immersion.

Superman didn’t sound like Superman but instead…he sounded like;

‘Clark?’ You asked, looking over at the bespectacled man who held a worried look upon his face that quickly melted away into one of relief.

‘Oh thank goodness you’re okay, you were just sat at your there for a really long time and I was beginning to get worried that something might’ve happened.’ He explained but you were quick to note that his large hands were coincidentally placed on either sides of your face, just like Superman’s was in your dream. Upon realising this, Clark quickly pulled his hands away as his cheeks were burned with embarrassment of having potentially crossed a line with you but as he verbally tripped over his plethora of apologise that went over your head. You were more concerned with how much of your daydream did Clark overhear.

‘Hey Clark?’ You asked, stoping him midway through his apology.

He hummed.

You breathed out a sigh. ‘I didn’t…happen to say anything aloud did I?’ You asked him, mentally scripting any and every excuse you could come up with for the possible instance of his answer to that being yes, even going so far as to secretly cross your fingers but you would soon learn that there was no need when the word that came of out his mouth was;

‘No. You didn’t say anything at all, you just sat there for a long period of time with a far away, almost dreamy look upon your face.’ Clark explained. ‘Why’d you ask, was it embarrassing?’ He adds on whilst trying not to be push the issue any further in the instance that he was making you bring up some personal stuff.

‘Yeah…you could defiantly say that.’ You replied quickly before standing up from your seat, suddenly finding yourself standing within Clark’s personal space and as you tried to take a step back, you found yourself almost falling flat on your arse but before you could; you found yourself caught within Clark’s strong arms, his hands splayed out against your back, keeping you close to his strong chest that laid beneath his cream coloured jumper. You found yourself staring at him through his lenses and deep into his gorgeous blue eyes, wondering how you’ve never seen them like this before; It almost felt as though you were in a state of de ja vu.

Clark stared back at you with wide eyes accompanied by a furious blush upon his cheeks as he slowly brought you out of your head and back to you feet, where you were once again standing within Clark’s personal space. ‘Thank you.’ You uttered and Clark averted his eyes elsewhere whilst rubbing the back of his neck out of a nervous habit. ‘It’s nothing, just wanting to prevent you from hurting yourself is all.’ He tells you sheepishly and you couldn’t help but find his humbleness endearing, even though there were a few times where you’d wish he would let you praise and or thank him.

After several minutes of awkward silence, you cleared your throat and said, ‘I’ll see you later then? Only if you aren’t busy with anything else of course.’ You spluttered out the last part, not wanting Clark to feel obligated into spending time with you when he has prior engagements to attend to later in the evenings ‘Oh yeah, absolutely I would love getting together with you.’ Clark says and his eyes widened at the implication, ‘As friends!’ He adds inexplicably. ‘I would love to get together with you as friends, because you’re a dear friend of mine and I respect you as such.’ He mentally congratulates himself sarcastically for how smoothly that went and hoe there was absolutely no way you could possibly assume anything of it.

Yet you smiled at his attempt of not making you uncomfortable and squeezed his shoulder. ‘Then it’s a date, dear friend of mine.’ You told him before leaving the room and him in it to decipher what was just said.

[dwcmarshalarts]

I adore your style and content - I’m considering doing masters studies of some of your pieces just to try it out, but I’m still fairly new to art. I was curious if there’s any part of your process or any particular advice you’d have?

Gave this answer before to someone who asked me the same question, and I think it still counts! 1) Build stamina. You can do this by drawing often- and with intention. Start your drawing with a warm up- something light, not overly serious. Focus more on the literal mechanical feeling of your hand moving to draw. Then focus on the heavier stuff after you’ve both literally and mentally warmed up, setting the stage for more involved drawing. Make this a routine and drawing overall will be less tiring over time.

2) Focus on replicability, not detail. This goes hand in hand with the previous point. A lot of people develop a kind of perfectionism early on, where they get overly attached to a specific sketch and don’t wanna budge from it, and put details until it “looks good,” even when the subject as a whole is wonky. I like to equate this to “too much icing, not enough cake,” or “building on sand foundations.” I’ve been there before, and it can hold you back. Instead of focusing on a specific piece and how you rendered it that one time, focus on how you render it such that you could do something similar, easily replicate the concept. Once you’ve built more stamina, you can open up the gates to tackling the same subject matter in different ways.

3) Mind your mark making. Some folks agonize over the tiniest detail, sometimes for hours. At the end of the day, that itself doesn’t necessarily bring improvement- that’s more of a test of patience. Unless someone specifically asks, you don’t- for example- need to draw every single ridge of every knob on a switchboard in great detail. These things can be implied through mark making. Remember, a lot of drawing isn’t about literally making something for people to see- it’s tricking the eye into believing what’s drawn is actually there. You’ll be amazed at what detail can be like even when you don’t define every part.

4) Drawing is more seeing than “making it up.” * Don’t be afraid to use references and such. It’ll help you render form than imagining it- sometimes the imagination can conjure things incorrectly. *Even seasoned artists who don’t typically use too much references need to do studies from life or books every now and then to reinforce skills.

One point I didn't add before for style things specifically is: 5) Look where the artist got their inspirations from if you want to learn from them. No art exists within a vaccuum, everyone has their influences. Trying to do a study from someone's art will only take you so far- because then it'll feel more like mimicry than actual, learned study. Research or try to see parallels with artists that you might think had a hand in influencing a given artist's style. Notice the patterns there- certain textures are invoked here, this form was defined like this, etc. A lot of folks confuse wanting "more of a thing" as opposed to "what makes that thing desirable/unique." If you'd like to know where some of my influences come from, I'd say look at the works of Squiddy, covers for Hellboy comics, and the Snowpiercer graphic novel.

Addendum: If you're looking to draw anatomy specifically- study from real anatomy, and learn how to do those before you begin to "break the rules" (exaggerate, anthropomorphize, etc). For resources on that, I'd recommend the Morpho books (all of them haha) and Dynamic Human Anatomy by Roberto Osti.

Hope this helps somewhat, feel free to ask if I missed anything.

[danganronpa96]

How does Latte Cookie feel about the participants so far?

I’m not sure if you mean everyone who’s currently alive or the entire cast, but I’ll do the latter because we gotta give our cookie queen some attention

Walter -> She saw him as a reliable leader at first, someone who would be able to lift everyone’s spirits up with his plan. Of course, when his true intentions came to light, she felt immensely disappointed and betrayed. Still, she would’ve liked to have learned more about his time as a teacher.

Hiroshi -> As a student, Latte was impressed with his academic intelligence. She wanted to encourage him to be more social, however, despite his inward nature. She still strongly believes that Nesos is at fault for pressuring him to commit murder.

Retsuko -> She found Retsuko very cute at first by her small appearance, but did get concerned by her surprisingly unhealthy habits. Latte wishes she could’ve talked to her more, perhaps inviting her to the cafe to chat more about their lives.

Kaidou -> (oh… oh dear) Latte would never admit to bias out loud, but Kaidou did have a special place in her heart very quickly. She always saw his imaginative mind as a healthy proof of his creativity (and sort of also assumed he wanted to be a hero like some of her other cookie students). She still blames herself from time to time about not being there for him when things got tough during the 2nd motive, and misses him a lot.

Ena -> Latte always saw Ena in a similar way to her other students, although as a more special case. It was clear Ena still had a lot to learn, and yet could surprise her in terms of things she herself didn’t know about. Latte was never intimidated by Ena’s presence, but despite her confusion at some points, she never wanted to give up on them. This went for their emotions as well. It was upsetting to see them go so soon.

Yuri -> At first, Latte was sure she could read Yuri like a open book (pun intended). A quiet girl who just needed a gentle push in the right direction to expose her full potential. However, past the second trial, Latte was scratching her head at what had just happened. She still does not feel anything that Yuri said was her true beliefs, and that deep down she was still the same sweet girl that just got caught up in something horrible.

Mai -> (oh god… please have mercy on me) What can I say that wasn't already 100% obvious unless you're playing historian. Latte loved Mai a lot, and not just in that way. Her overall outlook on life, her fun ideas to build bonds, her interest in Latte's own life and interests; she really was the ideal other half. Nothing could ever hurt more than seeing those gingerMais. Still, she's trying her best to overcome the grief despite all.

Bojack -> Latte never really approved of Bojack's overall lifestyle (then again, there weren't a whole lot who did). She was just grateful he kept himself away from the students (par Natsuki, but that was more of an exception considering what he did for her). She felt some sorrow for his case, but ultimately decided not to get too involved unless for Jesse's sake.

For these guys, I’ll talk about how she sees them so far (like the ask intends, but as chapter 5 isn’t over yet, I’ll include the chapter 5 victim in the same fashion):

L -> Latte is very impressed by L's wit and skills, and although I've attempted to lightly reference this in the fic before, he reminds her a little of Espresso Cookie. She doesn't necessarily think she relies on him for trials and such too much, however she's grateful he uses his intelligence to help them all investigate further into Nesos rather than stay selfish about it. At least, that's what it looks like in her eyes.

Jesse -> Latte has seen first hand how much Jesse has been through (in terms of those he's lost so far). She does tend to look out for him from time to time (those teacher tendencies kicking in), but tries not to coddle him too much considering his age. She thinks Jesse should be a little more responsible with some habits, considering he tends to spend a lot of time with Natsuki now, but won't overstep her boundaries.

Natsuki -> It was tough seeing Natsuki go through the notions ever since her murder case. Latte is very proud of how Natsuki's dealing with things so far, even taking some of her own advice into account. She also really enjoys Natsuki's baking, and hopes she continues to bake more in the future despite what set her back (and perhaps join her for another baking session).

Saiki -> As he is Kaidou's friend, Latte has always felt sorrow for how Saiki has been dealing with things since the second case. She's happy how he's manage to come more out of his shell as of late, but wishes he could speak up more because she can tell he has a lot of potential despite his mysterious demeanor.

Brian -> Latte sees Brian as a good person who tries his best despite his clumsiness. She's very curious about his role as a witch-hunter, but ever since their small talk about it, she's only gotten more questions on why he doesn't recognise her descriptions of the witch.

Kurumada -> At first, Latte wasn't a fan of Kurumada's brutish and brash nature. However, she's now warmed up to him after seeing more of why he acts this way, especially after Mai's death. She can tell how much he works to make Hayasaka as comfortable as possible at any moment, being during a murder case or a normal day. They both share a want to help avenge Mai's will.

Hayasaka -> Latte finds Hayasaka a delight to talk to, by proxy of her connection towards Mai, but is also appreciative of what he tries to do for the group in trials and such. She notices how much he tends to look out for younger members of the group (i.e. Saiki) and wonders if he bares some secret parental tendencies deep down. She hopes he could open up more, after seeing what he said during their time at the arcade.

[meowzfordayz]

when the war is over; will our ghosts dance together, or will we ourselves dance hand in hand

Tomioka Giyuu x Reader

Word Count: ~700

CW: canonical violence, death content, depression, implied self harm, PTSD, traumatic references

Emergency Request Fulfilled: I am, I’m just feeling tired my work is so draining emotionally, mentally, physically and I know I’m burnt out because I’m just apathetic. (...) I want someone to take care of me; like I took care of the people I used to know. I feel like I’m spent and I have nothing left to give. It’s so hard for me to make friends again because I don’t even know what to say. I don’t know how to carry on a conversation anymore, if it’s because I’m scared or what or if I’m tired and I know things are going to end soon. (...) I want to let out the frustrations on me instead of someone else… I’d rather be hurt instead.

I hope this makes sense..? I am feeling like this again and I’m just tired ya know. You can pair it with any character you like, it’s all free reign for you. A comfort angst I suppose.

He knows how you feel

Recognizes the glimmer of defeat

In your soft gaze, so intent on pressing into his chest

Defeat has an odd shine to it

A sense of finality, of strength, at the end of a

Sea of doubt, longing, emptiness accepted in place of

Warmth

Sometimes, he wishes he could ask you

“How are you feeling?”

Oftentimes, he’s afraid your reply will be

“Fine. And you?”

How is he supposed to answer such deflected pain?

How can he reveal his own lonesome while trying to fill yours?

Perhaps this is why they say

You must love yourself before loving

Others

You must look out for yourself before looking out to

The One

Recovery is a fickle creature

As numbing as it is freeing

As quiet as it is difficult to ignore

Screaming in one’s head day in, day out

Etched into one’s skin, the drag of a blade

The shiver of a downpour

Puddles of blood seeping into moistened ground

Why does rain so frequently shed itself on the battlefield?

But he can tell

The lingering taste of war, of death

Is not your sole accompaniment

You are similar, but not the same

Walking a pace a step faster than his, sunken in a different weight of anxiety

Of dread

As he is

He wants, craves, a connection with you

Fixing, helping, someone else

But how?

And what?

And why?

He’s never thought of himself as a savior

A victim, more like it

And is it truly so grand, so honorable, of him

To desire a caress with heroism for the sake of healing

Of selfishness

And not necessarily out of curiosity, compassion, for your haunted tremors

He still remembers the one time you came to him

Well, really, he was the only soul around

“Tomioka-san. How do you tolerate it?”

And he had frowned, unable to meet your shaken stare, blue eyes glazed from an evening of ash and maroon, sunrise an unwilling accomplice in fulfilling his duties

“I don’t,” he’d deadpanned, turning from your telltale scars, so similar

So different

From his

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

He wonders, too

Of course he does

Wonders what he would do if he ever caught you

Caught you in your act of hatred and denial

Physical rendition of the song that’s been on repeat in his head

Wonders if the lyrics are identical

Underlining his every thought, just as they overline your wrists

He likes to imagine he would comfort you

Would be able to tug you into his arm, cool and solid, unfaltering and steady

But he thinks, in fact, that he’d be angry

Upset

Disappointed

Arm crossed, tight, unwelcoming, as his demons fraternize with yours

Lips pursed in desperation

Come here, I promise I won’t hurt you

Stuck beneath loathing

“Do you miss them?” you murmur, village sprawling out below the damp, thatched roof

Stars twinkling, teasing, dancing among the slivers of cloud above

“I do,” Giyuu confesses, inhibitions low, fingers cold with grief, “I’m grateful for this new world, but I fear my existence ceased along with the old one.”

“Tomioka-san,” you smile faintly, “I’m glad you’re here.”

“We barely know each other,” he mutters

“And are we to blame?” you chuckle, the sound brittle and forced, “It’s always been safer for us.”

To not get attached

“I wish I knew how to live.”

Me too you almost admit, head drooping with fatigue, elbows propped on your knees, legs hugged to your sternum

“I wish I knew how to live for myself,” he clarifies Everyone that mattered is gone

Sleep claims your response, limbs gradually relaxing, the rough fabric of his haori tucked around your shoulders before he leaves

“How about this…”

You glance at him, hesitant

Hopeful

“I’ll care for you. You’ll care for me.”

“You don’t already?” you tease gently, giggling when his eyes widen with alarm

“I-”

“I’m teasing, Tomioka-san,” you quickly assure him, “I appreciate your company.”

“I would like to walk beside you.”

He is shy

Sweet

A realization that

This is what could have been

“Okay,” you nod slowly, “But my pace isn’t consistent.”

“That’s alright,” he shrugs, “As long as we keep walking.”

[bleue-flora]

I see him as more just annoying and stubborn, he has been selfless and empathetic before like bonding with c!dream over discs and trucing, giving the discs away to secure l'manbergs independence, protecting c!wilbur from harm, feeling horrible when c!tubbo is executed and he attacks c!techno over it, eventually admitting that he betrayed c!techno and did the wrong thing with c!tubbo, showing concern for c!quackity after he is hurt by c!schlatt, showing concern for c!wilbur and trying to stop him offing himself with c!quackity there too, not getting c!ranboo in trouble during that trial prior to exile, caring about mexican dream dying, caring about c!tubbo being hurt during that battle before staged finale, showing some concern with what c!q did to c!dream [even though he later goes to kill c!dream which is um contradictory], and realizing the pattern of violence that he had with at the end and cutting that off. But I feel we have different definitions of empathy. I feel like his empathy fluctuates in extremes, I have the same issue. I strongly disagree with cc tommy on saying c!dream is a psychopath too however. (Ik u said no more ctommy talk but I saw your post as you wanting to see proof that ctommy had empathy)

[context]

Ah I mean annoying and stubborn aren’t wrong, but I don’t think those are quite enough to encompass it. I can be annoying and stubborn and also not a repeated menace to society ya know. But yeah, thank you for the examples :) I appreciate it. So let’s look at them, keeping in mind that again no one can truly prove he has no empathy as we are not in his head, so it is an imperfect science especially for someone who isn’t a psychologist lol. All we can do is look at his behavior, tendencies, actions and words, knowing too that people with ASPD tend to not always show their true colors.

Ya know you are not the only one to mention this truce (unless you are the same anon), but I’m gonna be honest I did look a bit through the videos and didn’t find it so I’m not sure what truce you are talking about. Though a truce doesn’t necessarily prove much anyways, wanting the fighting to stop isn’t necessarily a noble or empathetic thing after starting it, is it?

When it comes to L’manberg’s Independence, this would definitely count toward him being a more selfless individual who cares for his nation except that he does it with the full intention of stealing them back as stated in this clip a few minutes later [clip] so I’m not sure it’s a huge sacrifice more just in his mind a temporary loan. He also gave the discs for a piece of land not its people per se, as well as for Wilbur and his assumption that he’s the hero of the story. He doesn’t seem to do it to make the fighting stop or spare lives. If he had done it perhaps before the war then I think that’d be somewhat different. But then again if he always planned on stealing them back then it wasn’t that big of a trade after all. In other words, he didn’t truly give them up if that makes sense.

Protecting Wilbur from harm is a pretty general statement so hard to say in which example you refer. Though I will say, Wilbur is highly manipulative so is it empathy or manipulation? Hard to say…

When it comes to Tubbo dying, to be fair, is it empathy he feels for Tubbo? Or rage at Tubbo being hurt. Those aren’t the same thing. I think Tommy doesn’t appreciate people messing with Tubbo even if he doesn’t always treat Tubbo well all the time, it’s a double standard if you will. And it’s not like people with ASPD can’t be vengeful and protective of what they love. If he had really felt empathy perhaps he would have actually stepped in to protect Tubbo. Besides he teams up with Techno later super fast easily only bringing up him killing Tubbo after he betrays Techno again, almost as if he only cares when it’s useful. Basically to continue the chocolates metaphor, one can be very upset if you stepped on their chocolate and fight you for it, without feeling empathic to said chocolate’s well-being.

Did he admit that? When?… well regardless, does that mean it’s empathy or that he wants his people back to use as weapons and resources. Hard to say without full context but, I’d be interested in the details of that and whether he needed something from them…

Hmm again hard to say if concern is the same as empathy or if concern is genuine at all or just a manipulation. For example if I text and ask someone how they are doing, and if they are okay and stuff, because I ultimately want them to drive me to the store and that’s why I texted them in the first place, does that mean I care or not. It can be, I think that can be genuine and manipulative at the same time, so it’s hard to say whether or not without being that person. One can also just pretend to be normal and empathize, which is often what most people with ASPD do. It’s often how woman get trapped in relationships with them because they may have moments when they seem empathetic or sympathetic, or connect emotionally but in reality it was them pretending to be normal. Not saying Tommy’s doing that but that that is a common thing and he could be.

I mean he cares about Mexican Dream because he was his only company besides Dream, who he hates, of course you’d be distraught if the only person around was killed. When it comes to Tubbo, he hesitates to give up the discs for his life and his reaction to hearing his best friend is about to die is kinda lackluster. He doesn’t beg Dream to spare Tubbo, there is no - ‘please, Dream, please you can’t kill him, please you can’t, I’ll do anything just please don’t do this…” instead he cusses out Dream, says he can have the discs for now and insists that Dream won’t do it. Then to Tubbo he says something about him being the sidekick which is ridiculous since Tubbo’s viewpoint and opinion constantly gets ignored as he follows Tommy around. Oh and who could forget the “what will I be without you?” Once again making himself the victim. And I don’t know about you, but none of that really seems like much care to me, certainly not empathy. Like if someone I loved was about to be killed I’d be pleading, offering to do anything to spare his life, thank the one I loved for being there and for all they did and saying how sorry I was to drag them into this…etc. But we don’t get that from Tommy. And it shouldn’t be surprising from a character who just days again made the statement of “the discs are worth more than you ever were” [clip].

Now taking credit for Ranboo is interesting and an instance that has a strong case, and I’m still not sure why he did it. It is something that bothers me because that is a moment perhaps the only moment (except the end) where he is being more selfless. I guess my only way to explain it is perhaps he felt slightly guilty or responsible for dragging Ranboo as the new member. Perhaps it is him trying to be that hero he thinks he is so does something more heroic to live up to that... I don’t know. But I’m not sure an entire span of actions noting a disregard for people is undone by a few selfless and heroic moments.

lol yea I’m not sure about that one, you mean his “what?” [clip], because I’m gonna be real I don’t think that was him feeling anything for Dream except offended by Dream’s accusation that he “wanted it to happen” but then again he doesn’t deny it so…. But yea sorry ain’t no way that counts for anything.

‘Realizing the violence cycle and cutting it off?’ I mean…. Come on, you mean the 5 seconds before a nuke went off? Because like meh… technically you have a case for his self sacrifice for being the distraction for the nuke going off, but he didn’t stop the cycle of violence the nuke did lol. And even if he did I’m still not sure that’s a moment we can consider empathy or behavior counteracting ASPD tendency.

Perhaps we do have a different definition of empathy and it’s actually something that’s rather complicated. For example, autistic people often seem unempathetic but this is not true, we just don’t express or feel it the same way (I’ll talk about this later ;D) On the other hand, like I said too we can’t really know for sure if someone is being empathetic without being inside their head, but what we can look at is if their behavior and actions showcase them as being empathetic.

Just to be on the same page I guess, the definition by Merriam-Webster of empathy is “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another.” For example, me crying while watching a movie because I’m connecting with the character and feeling the pain and loss they feel. That is empathy, but it doesn’t always show up as tears or is obvious at all. Still, you can look at whether someone’s actions reflect that they feel other people’s pain. And I just don’t think Tommy’s behavior depicts that, especially the lack of remorse, apologies or efforts to make amends afterwards. It just doesn’t seem to me like he cares that he hurt someone, he doesn’t seem to feel for them. Hell, I’m not even sure he sympathizes with them, though perhaps some of these moments if taken as genuine could be more so instances of sympathy, in which case people with ASPD can do, even if rare.

[catholic-character-tournament]

Round 4 - Catholic Character Tournament

Propaganda below ⬇️

Knuckles

Knuckles is very heavily Christ-coded - walking on water, resurrection, prophecies, the whole nine yards. Not necessarily Catholic specifically, but I feel like there’s a comparison to be made between the Brotherhood and the Catholic Church as a structure. Also he’s made it to the semi finals of the Christ coded tournament if that means anything to you

God this whole thing was literally insane. Also pretty much completely forgotten as soon as p*nders was off the comic, which was probably for the best tbh.

Ken penders did a lot of wierd fucking bullshit, and made knuckles literally Jesus.

Nothing left to say except another fuck ken penders.

In the Archie comics, Knuckles inherits the role of being a spiritual leader to a lost tribe of Echnidnas, that have been wandering, searching for their prophesied homeland for centuries. Knuckles is the one to finally lead them there.

He also dies and comes back, and because of this is hailed as the prophesied “Avatar” by his people, the one who’s supposed to bring peace to their planet, Mobius. Cannot for the life of me remember where this went though.

It maybe isn’t allegorical as much as it is the writer thinking putting Judeo-Christian themes would make it cool or something. But the comparison to Jesus is at least intentional, whereas it probably isn’t with Shadow.

Shadow

In sonic destruction (the AI generated fan thing snapcube made a while ago) shadow was catholic or something which I think is reallyyyyyyy funny

Ok listen. I know this is a stretch but hear me out. He says “oh my God” in the Twitter takeovers so we know this is a possibility. I see him as a Christ-like figure because I saw his whole confrontation with Mephiles and was like “this is a thing that happened in the Bible??” and the pose Mephiles shows him in is literally like a crucifixion and Mephiles is meant to be a demon / false prophet reference. And also he’s called a demon in Shadow The Hedgehog 2005 then the guy who calls him that is like “I was wrong I’m sorry” and that also reminds me of a thing with Jesus in The Bible. But the biggest reason is his whole thing with Maria cause I think he’d come to earth and hear Ave Maria once and convert to Catholicism idk he’s like we’re comforted by a female familial figure named Mary sometimes called Maria?? And her color is blue????? Heck yeah I’m in because I Will Cry. Also feel free to share this as propaganda obv even if he doesn’t get in the bracket just. It’s funny.

I feel like he’d battle a lot with being seen or portrayed as a demon and how the aliens he’s related to very much look and act like demons idk lmao- and also I feel like confession would just be good for him I think he needs it for his mental health

There is a debate on the lovely website tunblr that Shadow T. Hedgehog is an allegory for Jesus Christ.

He is Jesus, idk what to tell you. He lived, he was sealed away, he was awakened again and deemed the ultimate lifeforms, he’s angry but not evil, does what he believes is best for people and the world at any given time. Total loser.

[littleguyconnor]

I’ve started over on this painting like 4 times already and I want to take a a break. I am going to do a character study of Medic because he’s the one I feel people get the most wrong. (I’ll try and be as factual as possible but my own interpretation of him will be in there too, it’s inevitable, yadda yadda)

Let’s start with his hunting his old team with the classic mercs, since that’s when we’re first reunited with him.

It was not done out of betrayal.

I want to reference a piece of dialogue that I think showcases his entire mindset about it very well. When Classic Heavy asks if hunting down his old team will be a problem, Medic replies by saying “A chance to test my latest triumphs against my earliest experiments? No, that won’t be a problem at all.”

Look at the phrasing of that. There isn’t a single hint of malice or ill intent in it. His earliest experiments. His teammates that he’s spent years building up, improving, trying everything he knows and doesn’t to make them the best mercenaries he can. Against his latest triumphs. He wants to see how far he can take his practice, if all his work can hold up against something he knows is strong. It’s like how engineering students stand on their bridges to make sure it holds. Sure, it might break, but now they, Medic in this case, know what to improve on. Is it a very literal and playing-with-life kind of method? Yes. But that’s all it is. There isn’t any underlying reasoning, he thinks very literally and does things the same way. We also know this is true because he says it himself when Sniper confronts him about it, explaining that he was genuinely happy to see them and that his facial expression just came across differently to Sniper. Now, another thing I want to talk about on this topic is why he joined the Classic team in the first place. In the same panel I referred to last time there’s a very specific phrasing CHeavy uses that I want to highlight.

“I swear to god, if you put a single uterus in my men…”

Medic was never considered part of the team, and he knows this. He actually uses this to advantage. He’s an impermanent addition, and thus inconsequential. He’s using them as guinea pigs and that is what’s done out of malice. He’s being mistreated and obviously not considered anything of worth, so he’s going to retaliate in a very Medic fashion. This man is not a pushover, and of everything, I want to get that across the most.

Medic is extremely strong, both physically and mentally. He’s able to hold out for a considerable amount of time against CHeavy throwing him around. The thing that ends up killing him is a cheap shot from a gun. He’s also witty enough to outsmart Satan himself. (I don’t think there’s really anything else to say on that one.) This man is so intelligent and knows when people are using him from the second they start, and he plays along with it. He doesn’t even necessarily act dumb either. It’s just that he’s so eccentric and personable that people mistake him as someone easily to manipulate and end up getting ripped apart from the inside.

Branching off from this point: Medic is a genuinely kind person. He’s just weird. And I mean that in the most professional way possible. His intentions are good and done out of a passion for medicine, curiosity, and respect for his team. There’s a reason he spends so much time improving them. Part of it is just the morbid curiosity and the satisfaction that comes from fulfilling that, but it’s also because he wants his team to win. He wants them to be the best versions of themselves, literally. His odd and eccentric demeanor just makes his actions come out a little morbid and frightening. But he loves people. And he cares. Above all, remember, he’s a doctor. And it’s a doctor’s job to help people.

Now onto his relationship with Heavy. What I’m going to be talking about with this leans a little more on the head canon side, but I don’t think it’s too far off from what could actually be canon.

Whether they’re friends, lovers or something else isn’t relevant. Regardless of what they are, they have an incredibly strong bond built on solid foundations. Respect is the main one.

Medic’s teammates seem to have a strange disregard for him. It’s the same treatment they give Pyro, although there’s less infantilization and more flippant-ness. I don’t think it’s done out of meanness, more just so that he’s outwardly really freakish and open about experimenting on them with dubious ethics. They care about him, he’s a vital part of the team, it’s just.. less enthusiastic. But with Heavy, that dynamic changes completely. Heavy respects him so much, and likes him genuinely enough to see past the thing everyone else gets hung up on. And it’s because Medic is the only one he’s met that is capable of outsmarting bullets. Heavy respects Medics genuine intelligence and skill, and because Heavy is extremely smart too, they get along really well. And Medic cares so much for Heavy. I think that as a child, he grew up very estranged and “othered” for his interests and awkward social skills. There haven’t been many people in his life who are willing to get close to him, or really, let him get close to them. And there’s a kind of refuge he takes in Heavy for that. A mutual understanding and care for each other.

And yes, Medic is an awkward person! Just not in the sense that people typically are, and I think that is such an important part of his character. He isn’t good at expressing empathy in a socially acceptable way as I’ve discussed previously, is overly literal, blunt, and genuinely a little oblivious sometimes to the tone of the conversation or of his own words. And instead of trying to resolve that, he’s just stopped caring about it all together because he knows he can be himself. It’s why his job with the Classic Mercs failed. They wanted him to be something he’s not, and Medic wasn’t going to tolerate that kind of treatment!

[viridianevergarden]

You’ve probably posted about this before but I haven’t seen it…I am interested to hear an Elriel take on the “something sparked in just chest” line from the acosf bonus chapter. That language has been used by Sarah to describe the feelings between mates multiple times in her books. Why is this time different in your opinion?

Hi Anon, this is actually a really good question.

So as an elriel, I do know that my opinions might seem hella biased here but I’ll try to keep a neutral standpoint and be 100% honest with my thought process.

I actually haven’t posted about this whole sequence or this specific line yet so this will be the first. I might as well cover the whole thing.

Let’s start with reading the whole piece:

So Azriel woke up. It’s the morning after solstice, the morning after the slap in the face that was the “You will stay away from Elain” line. Instead of taking the necklace back to the jewelers on the square, he decided to descend the steps of the House. To the library.

Given the context of the initial line before the “spark” line, I think that Az was feeling some type of relief that Clotho agreed, essentially saying “yes, I will give it to her. She will be happy to have it, she deserves it.” (Kind of like an “oh thank god” moment.)

A spark of positivity to Clotho heeding his request at his insistence of giving it away. A spark of positivity in someone else having it. A spark of some mixed emotion rather, perhaps? It was definitely an emotion, but it’s been kept vague for us to determine. We don’t necessarily know if it is indeed positive or negative. Hell, we don’t even know if Az knows. (I’m thinking he doesn’t given it’s his POV and it’s referred to as “something”)

I personally don’t think it was romantically charged or magical in any type of way. I don’t think it had anything to do with the lightsinger theory either, at least not this specific spark line. Not with the current context.

Now this may seem far fetched but I think that Azriel came down with the intention of giving the necklace away, namebombing Gwyn in the process because she was the first person he ran into immediately after the fiasco. Of course she’d be the first person he thought of who just so happened to live in the library.

But even then, Azriel didn’t truly care who got the necklace, so long as it was taken off of his hands.

Observe:

“Look, I…” Az searched for the words, his voice becoming quiet. “If there’s another priestess here who might appreciate it, give it to them. But I’m not taking that necklace with me when I leave.”

He just wanted the necklace gone. Away from him. But you may ask, well why didn’t he just return it to the jewelers then?

If I put myself in Az’s shoes, taking into consideration how he sees himself and how he generally is, my thought process would be something like this:

“I’d rather someone have it than no one.”

“At least someone could put it to use.”

“I don’t want to return it, it’d be a waste.”

If I took that necklace back to the jewelers, I’d feel worse. It’d be humiliating. Not to mention the idea of, “if she doesn’t want it, and it hurts me too much to keep it, perhaps someone else could find better use for it.” That’s what it was, I think, that motivated him to give it away.

And so he did.

He left the library thinking of her reaction to getting the necklace and her eyes lighting up. Because it made him feel better to know that someone else would feel joy in receiving the gift with no strings attached. Thats why he explicitly stated that he wants the gift to be anonymously given.

And this small detail that I see a lot make note of:

“Buried the image down deep, where it glowed quietly.”

When anything is described with the words “glow” and “quietly” together, I think of a soft glow, and a soft glow is typically something of comfort or provides comfort.

The image of someone’s joy in receiving a gift that he’s at a loss to do with comforts him. Gwyn or not, I think it’d be the same.

As for this particular spark line being related to other SJM couples in the ACOTAR universe as well as ToG and CC, I’m aware of its presence in all series. I’m aware of its weight that it holds and what it has eluded to before.

However…

This is a bonus chapter.

This is a bonus chapter from a limited edition version of ACoSF that cannot be bought anymore— that was then available to US only.

Most casual readers are unaware of this chapter’s existence. I know I was unaware until I stumbled upon ship discourse online. I read the books by myself then got online to see the fandom.

I was wondering “why ship Azriel with Gwyn??? That’s so random.” So I literally had to search online for this chapter after seeing mentions of a bonus chapter. I read it off of a google doc 😂.

Here’s the thing. Since this is an exclusive bonus chapter, SJM would not set up a whole new ship in it. Not to mention it’d seem rather sudden given what little moments we’ve seen of Azriel and Gwyn in each other’s presence that were worth the page space.

And also the specific “he wouldn’t go so far as to call Gwyn a friend” comment in the chapter. I don’t think anything’s been set up. That supposed spark, I think, was just to show his mixed emotions about giving the necklace away.

And if it was in fact romantically charged, why put it in such an exclusive bonus chapter? I think it should’ve been a pivotal moment for all to see.

So that’s my current state of thinking. If I dawn upon anything else I’ll probably post about it and reblog this. I know I am most likely going to post about Az’s Shadows and their behaviors, at least what I think on them and how they revolve around Mor, Gwyn, Elain and music. Same thing with a Thing of Secret, Lovely Beauty. I’m still confused about that. Theres a million different takes for that.

But I hope this gives you some sort of answer that at least made sense? Lol.