#bye real life u sucked!!!

[gothoffspring]

Y'all, literally both of my legacies were started over two years ago. That's wild. We haven't even made it past gen one in either of them that's embarrassing 🤧 and i haven't posted gameplay in like a year what the heck. ANYWAY I'm genuinely ready to hop back in to some kind of gameplay, probably my nightmare legacy :) I spent so long furnishing a ranch for them that I never even showed off. I should do that I'm gonna go take pics

[partyinthemysterymachine]

me @ me "you're supposed to be editing and making it shorter and more concise and not adding a bunch of new paragraphs and words to the damn thing so shut the fuck UUUUUUPPPPPPP" while working on writing the next chapter of goomt challenge

[f1daydreamers]

𝐋𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐖𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐋𝐢𝐞𝐬 [𝐓𝐀𝟔𝟔] 𝐒𝐌𝐀𝐔

gif credits: @trenty

Pairing: Trent Alexander Arnold x Fem!Reader

Summary: You’re a tease, asking for things you supposedly already have. Trent catches on... eventually.

A/N: This is my first social media AU so bear with me if it absolutely sucks, also my first time writing for Trent so a bunch of firsts going on today. Enjoy!

Warnings: not much, just a lot of fluff and shite captions lol

...

yourusername | 📍Venice, Italy

tagged venice.explore and calvinklein

liked by yourbsf, calvinklein, and 17,786 others

yourusername can I call you later?

view all 2671 comments

user1 pretty ladyyyyyyy

calvinklein summer collection has never looked better 😍

— yourusername have never loved a black dress more

yourbsf photo creds and the second glass are all me.. right?

— yourusername ofc 😇

user2 omg i need to go to venice asap

user3 i thought you were in la this week for a photoshoot with hudabeauty??

— yourusername next week!! super excited omg 🩷

…

trentarnold66

liked by liverpoolfc, andyrobertson94, and 946,716 others

trentarnold66 Recharging 🔋

view all 76,936 comments

andyrobertson94 Right, there’s no need to flex the arms 😒

— trentarnold66 I was just bending them? 🙃

liverpoolfc Back at camp soon ❤️

— trentarnold66 💪

user6 BYE TRENT FINALLY POSTED HOLIDAY PICS SO I CAN SLEEP NOW

user7 can you choke me with those arms thanks bae

— user8 so real 🤣

judebellingham No invite lad? I see how it is 🫤

— liked by trentarnold66

…

yourusername

tagged hudabeauty, hudabeautyshop, and kayali

liked by hudabeauty, trentarnold66, and 30,651 others

yourusername Coming to you… July 👀

view all 9862 comments

yourbsf A DREAM IM SO PROUD OF YOU BABE

— yourusername i love you 🥹

user4 aaahhhhhhh this has been such a long time coming!!! remember ur youtube videos when u used to review their products?

— liked by trentarnold66

hudabeauty A literal real-life doll 😘

— yourusername says the literal makeup magician ❤️

user5 TRENT LIKED????

— user9 who’s that?

— user5 ONLY THE BEST RB IN THE WORLD WHAT

…

trentarnold66

liked by liverpoolfc, yourusername, and 976,816 others

trentarnold66 Singapore ���🇬 Feels real good to be back.

view all 126,625 comments

liverpoolfc What’s up, Vice Captain? 💪

— trentarnold66 🫡

user10 liverpool’s very own ❤️

yourusername damn.

— liked by trentarnold66

virgilvandijk Let’s get it!

user5 OMGGG THEYRE DEFO DATINGGG WAIT

user12 don’t know who yourusername is but she’s verified and trent liked her most recent post now she’s commented on his???? i smell a new couple 👀

…

yourusername | 📍 Liverpool

tagged liverpoolfc

liked by trentarnold66, harvelliott, and 29,872 others

yourusername bleeding red today, bleeding red everyday

view all 11,463 comments

user12 she does know trent’s mural is literally opposite hendo’s right? 🧐

— liked by yourusername

— user12 OMG SHE LIKED MY COMMENTTTT

harvelliott love it 🌹

— user5 DUDE WHO IS THIS GIRL DATING OMFHDJSJSE

trentarnold66 Hmm

— harvelliott 😂

yourbsf fit went hard.

— yourusername not everyone’s agreeing w u 😒

— yourbsf you mean….

— yourusername shh

…

…

trentarnold66

liked by judebellingham, liverpoolfc, and 817,625 others

trentarnold66 Skipper today but winning in front of you is the best part ❤️🏟️

view all 262,527 comments

user5 IS HE TALKING ABOUT YOURUSERNAME

— user13 bro you lot reach sm wtff he’s obviously talking about the fans lmao they played at home today

judebellingham serious player

— liked by trentarnold66

yourusername should I say congrats?

— trentarnold66 Only if you’ve changed shirts

— yourusername so take off yours then

— liked by trentarnold66

…

…

yourusername

liked by yourbsf, trentarnold66, and 96,726 others

yourusername my mom approves

view all 70,637 comments

user5 I CALLED IT FROM THE START YESSSSHDHDHSHSHHS YALL ARE SO CUTE

yourbsf ok trying to convince ppl that i’m the other one in ur pics is getting harder and harder to do

— yourusername 😂😂

trentarnold66 Shirt’s all yours

— yourusername took you long enough

— trentarnold66 I got there in the end 🙂

yoursister does that mean I get to keep Harvey's shirt now?

— yourusername i bet you've already taken it anyway

— yoursister if I speak I’m in big trouble

…

trentarnold66

tagged yourusername

liked by yourusername, andyrobertson94, and 1.2 million others

trentarnold66 Dear Darling ❤️

andyrobertson94 Congrats Brother 🫂

— liked by trentarnold66

yourusername should’ve posted the pic where you were preeing my old yt vids

— trentarnold66 I don’t recall that 🤨

— yourusername little liar

— trentarnold66 Little? Who’s the liar now?

— user12 YALL ARE SOOOOOOOO

user5 I WANT MY FINDERS FEE 👩‍⚖️

harvelliott Beautiful 🤩

…

Masterlist

[themoonweaversden]

All 179-244 (or so) codes that were found so far (no spoilers)

Note: As far as I'm aware if you input any word after selling your soul to Bill and press the knob you'll get the same result. I still think it's important to highlight the ones that didn't have any result once you imput them normally the day the website updated (AUDIOLOG, BUBBLES, CLEAR, CONTRACT, SMALL) these may have been just an error since it has been fixed since then

#

3466554

29121239168518

333 Sundapple Lane Cozy Creek IL 60714-94611

A

ABUELITA

ADASTRAPERASPERA

ALEX HIRSCH / ALEX / HIRSCH

AM I BLANCHIN

ANSWER

AXOLOTL

B

BAAAA

BABY / BABY BILL / LALALALALA / MOMMY / DADDY

BILL / BILL CIPHER / CIPHER / ILLB / LLIB REHPIC / REHPIC

BLACK SHEEP

BLANCHIN / BLANCHING / BLANCH

BLENDIN

BLIND EYE

BOOBERRY

BURN SIDE

BURNED INSIDE

BYE GOLD

C

CAESAR ATBASH VIGENERE / MULTILEVELMARK

CARD

CARYN

CIPHERTOLOGY

CLONE / TYRONE / PAPER JAM

CONSPIRACY

CRAY CRAY

CRYPTOGRAM CODEX

CURSE WITTEBANE

CURSED

D

DEATH

DEER TEETH

DESTRUCTION IS A FORM OF CREATION

DIONARAP

DIPPER

DIPPY FRESH

DISCO GIRL / BABBA

DISNEY / MICKEYMOUSE

DISPENSE MY TREAT

DIVORCE / BREAKUP

DORITO / NACHO / CHIP

DUCHESS APPROVES / THE DUCHESS APPROVES

DUCKTECTIVE

E

EASTER EGG

EMMALINE BUTTERNUBBINS

EUCLID / SCALENE / SCRIMBLES

EUCLYDIA

EVEN HIS LIES ARE LIES

F

FAMILY MATTERS

FBI / CIA / NSA

FILBRICK

FIXINIT1

FORD / SIXER / STANFORD

FORDTRAMARINE

FORGET THE PAST

FUCK / SHIT / BITCH / SLUT / SEX

FUCK YOU ALEX

G

GIDEON

GIFFANY

GLASS SHARD BEACH

GLOBNAR

GOD / HELP ME / SAVE ME / FRILLIAM

GOODNIGHT SALLY

GRAVITY FALLS

GREBLEY HEMBERDRECK

GUN / THE GUN

H

HAROLDS RAMBLINGS

HECTORING

HEY NERD

HISTORY

HOLOGRAM

HORROR / CREEPYPASTA / ANALOG HORROR

HOTXOLOTL

HOW WILL I DIE / WHEN WILL I DIE

I

IM STILL ON YOUR MIND

IRREGULAR

IS HELL REAL

IS THERE AN AFTERLIFE

J

JOURNAL 1

JOURNAL 2

JOURNAL 3

JUST BLEND IN

JUST FIT IN

K

KINGS OF NEW JERSEY

KOOK

KUBRICK

L

L IS REAL 2401

LIAR LYRE

LIES

LIFE

LOVE / BOYFRIEND / LONELY

LOVE YA BRO

M

MABEL

MASON

MATH / GREECE / SHAPES / GREEK / PLATO / GEOMETRY

MCGUCKET / FIDDLEFORD / OLD MAN MCGUCKET

MEOW / MEOW WOW

MONSTER

MORALITY

MOUNTAIN DONT

MYSTERY

MYSTERY SHACK

N

NAITSUAF

NO

NOT A PHASE

NOTHING

O

OCCURREMUS ITERUM

OH YES THEY BOTH

ONE EYED KING

OROBOROUS

OWL TROWEL

P

PACIFICA

PAPER IS BOOK SKIN

PEAK

PINATA

PINES

PLATINUM PAZ

PORTAL

Q

QUESTION

R

R34LITY

RAT

REALITY

RIDDLE

ROBBIE

RUBBERHOSE

S

SCARY / SPOOKEMUPS / SPOOKY

SCIENTOLOGY

SEASON 1 / SEASON -1

SEASON 2

SEASON 3

SEVEN EYES

SEVERAL TIMES

SHAVE YOUR GRANDMA

SKELETON

SKIBIDI / FORTNITE / ELON / CRYPTO / DOGE / GYATT / RIZZ

SOMETHING

SOOS

SORRY

STAN / STANLEY PINES / STAN PINES / STANLEY

STOD EHT TCENNOC

SUCK IT MERLIN

T

TAD STRANGE

TANTRUM

THE BOOK OF BILL / BOOK OF BILL

THE DUCHESS APPROVES

THEORY / MATPAT

THERAPRISM

THEYLL SEE / THEYLL ALL SEE / I SEE

TINSEL SNAKE

TITANS BLOOD

TJECKLEBURG

TOBY DETERMINED

TORTURE MENTALLY

TOURIST TRAP

TRIANGLE

TRIGONOMETRY

U

UNIONMADE

UNIVERSE

UNREALITY

V

VALLIS CINERIS

VIRUS

W

WADDLES

WEIRD

WEIRDMAGEDDON

WELL WELL WELLBEING

WENDY

WHICH RELIGION IS RIGHT

WHO ARE YOU

X

XGQRTHX

XYLER / CRAZ

Y

YES

YOU CANT KILL AN IDEA

YOURE INSANE

Will update if more are found

[tteokdoroki]

hi aali!! welcome back!!! it’s so lovely to see you on my dash again <3 I saw your ask game and my eyes popped out of my sockets— would it be alright if you could do

❛ i need to come. please, i'll do anything. ❜ + breeding kink + sero hanta ?

I hope you’re having a lovely day!!

☆༉ — HANTA SERO: 0-800-HOT GUY-HOTLINE.

line. ❛ i need to come. please, i'll do anything. ❜

extension. breeding kink + afab!reader + nsfw, mentions of makeup.

things to note. eee thank u baby!! im happy to be back n i hope u enjoy this mwah mwah mwah (also i seem to have a terrible obsession with sero n cowgirl bye)

sero fucking adores you on top for three reasons in particular. 

the first is that he can see your face when you cry, getting to look directly up at you while you sniffle and sob because he’s fucking you to high heavens and you need some kind of out let to bring you back down from cloud nine. sero will swipe a thumb under your big glossy eyes, and suck the salty tears from the pad of it just to get a reaction out of you. usually it makes you cry harder, until your mascara is nothing but dark tracks on your cheeks and your lips are wet and shiny from your own tears.

the second is that sero gets to feel you up, touch all over you. his finger tips will cascade from the back of your neck to your throat, dragging you down to slot his cheeky mouth against yours. his tongue then prods and pushes past the seam of your lips, toying with the taste of your sugar-coated and ecstasy dipped whimpers (and perhaps the taste of his cock) on your own. sometimes his hands dip lower, thumbing at those sensitive nipples until they’re budding like flowers in bloom, hanta’ll put his mouth on them too, catch your breasts in its hit cavern when they jiggle cutely as you bounce up and down on his curved length.  

you’ve always said that you like how his black rooted hair tickles your skin when he leaves hu kiss across your chest. 

but most of all, he likes it when you use him for your own pleasure — as if he’s nothing but a real life dildo and a sack of emotions. “fuckin’…shit honey. you’re fucking me so good,” sero is love sick, as you sink down on his slender cock and circle your hips to make sure you’ve taken it all. “show me how that pussy takes it, baby. wanna see,” 

he’s running his mouth, slurring over spit and poorly strung together sentences and he knows you’re not listening. you’re too focused on bringing yourself right to the edge again and getting what you want, his cum in your gorgeous cunt until it’s running down both of your thighs. thrusting downward, both of you share a satisfied moan as sero’s leaky tip bullies it’s way up your glistening walls to bare down perfectly against your g-spot — you gush in response, a fresh wave of your nectar beading perfectly down his shaft. only catching on the blue forked veins that spiral around him. 

through the misty veil of lust that clouds your brain, you manage to grasp at sero’s wrist — dragging his hand between your shaky overworked legs to guide him into spreading your pussy lips apart. “y’see me han’, ‘m all wet, all for you.” you tell him earnestly, bathing his throbbing cock in your warmth. you make sure that he gets an eyeful, a chance to observe the crude mix of his milky precum and your juices that run through your parted folds like treacle. “need you.” 

before he has a chance to sing your praises, you brace your hands on the broad scope of sero’s chest — lifting yourself up and down in his lap, working yourself on his cock like it’s all that you’re trained to do. seeing himself smeared over your clit, stringing white glazing your thighs only motivates sero to fuck up into you — chasing your high and his own, desperate to see more of his cream inside of you. 

or maybe he’s desperate to get you knocked up, see you swell with his seed — churn your insides up real good and have you all bred by him. who knows what he wants? sero can’t even tell, already burying himself to the hilt inside of you, grabbing your hips, your ass, your waist and circling you over him so that your eyes roll back. “i need to cum. please, i'll do anything.” he chants like it’s a mantra or a prayer dedicated to you. “wanna fill you up nice ‘n pretty. you want that, right? you wanna cum on me, pretty baby? make me cum deep inside—“ 

hanta can’t help but goad you, coerce you into riding him faster, harder — even if you’d intended to drag this one out. “that’s it, baby. use me, fuck yourself down on me. please,” he stutters out. he could die here, sero thinks, and he’d be so fucking happy — watching your eyes disappear into the dark of your skull, your thighs quiver and your chest sway with your sinful movements. “please, , jus’ wanna make’a’mess of these insides, wanna fuck my cum so deep inside it sticks. gotta have you full of me…”

“then cum, hanta. make me yours,” tip of the iceberg and the key to heaven’s gates is when you flip the script, begging for him to breed you. your slick walls start to twitch around him, your release trickling out of you without even a warning. that’s when hanta knows he’s fucked. 

a pathetic sob nearly knocks his heart and lungs out of place when he finally hits his high, rope after rope of hot white seed flooding your clenching hole — he grabs your hips so tight that you’ll see fingerprints in the morning and keeps you still on top of him through the aftershocks of your orgasms. 

maybe there’s a fourth thing sero loves about having you on top — the way you always beg for his cum in the end.

꒰ end. — all rights reserved © tteokdoroki 2023. do not copy, repost, translate & recommend elsewhere.

[nicolesgf]

my thoughts on class of 09: the flip side

when i played the first two games i was shocked to find out they were written by a man. when i played the flip side- it all made sense. half of the game was just foot fetish content?? it made me soooo uncomfortable. it was beyond shock value, those scenes were unnecessarily long.

which speaking of, is it just me or was the dialogue drawn out too? like on all scenes. ngl i got a little bored sometimes. the banter and chemistry between the characters wasn't there. and jecka got repetitive too like just yelling at crispin to kill himself every time- where's the sly verbal aggression and quick comebacks? disappointing.

i agree with most people, nicole was pretty ooc. and this game solidified that they really don't give a fuck about each other as much as the fandom thinks. nicole ruined jecka's life in 2 endings- one of them leading to her suicide. and jecka's not nicole's. tho even when nicole killed herself jecka barely gave a fuck bye. but yea jeckole shippers wow they're so goals! (not)

the endings were lame as fuck. the sex slave ending?? what even was that. came out of left field it wasn't even shocking just straight up dumb? it's like they were thinking "how can i make this game more outrageous?" but nobody fucking blinked. three of the endings weren't even real endings, they were just other people dying. they had nothing to do with jecka's story. like what happened after nicole killed herself??

the only positives were the jeckari kiss, the jeckelly make out mention, and emily (of course!). also jecka's voice actress was amazing.

overall the game fucking sucked. it was disappointing and u can tell they went for shock value > satirical social commentary. i also lowkey wanted to see them actually in COLLEGE or post-grad life (like the description of the game said) so idk why we got half of the game set in high school.

[jyoongim]

HI, I have a quick question! Are you gonna write A Bad Romance and make a mini series out of it or no? it really caught my eye and i' waiting😭😭😭😭 so I'm curious. And if u don't have time i understand. I miss ur writing sooo much, i know that life isn't probably easy on you at the moment so ur a bit busy. Damn real life really sucks Lots of love and bye bye-

YOU LIKED IT??? Like really liked it😭😭😭

You miss me??????🥺🥺🥺🥺 I MISS YALL AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

I wasn’t going too ORIGINALLY HOWEVER…I think I’ll try to play with the concept a bit. I didn’t think anyone would like it🤣 I just pulled it out my ass.

[screampied]

So I just read the part 2 of dad bj Toji and can I yap a little? First of all, banger as usual, like sucking on Toji’s nipples? Come onnnn, so hot. Overall this mfs nasty afffff and I am here for it. And not poor reader being the third wheel in the end I’m crying 😭 ofc these two fucked before, gonna push Toji is bottom agenda till I die 🤭 and this ending?? I’m crying, our dad is stressed 💀 But anyway!! What I wanted to say is I fucking love this concept of double penetration in pussy in fanfiction, but this shit in real life? Nahhh, pass 🖖🏻 like when I’m reading I’m like “ok daddies, destroy me 🤤” but I would never try this irl, I guess shit hurts like crazy 😩 especially when cocks are huge. But anyway, thank you for the meal, gonna wait for part 3 😋

ofc u can yap, i love when u guys do 😋✋.

AAAAA THANK YOU THANK YOU?!! ikr, i just had to write sucking on toji’s nipples one day bc do u see how MASSIVE those things r? 🫨🫨🫨 HELP right, being third wheeled between toji & shiu i can’t even imagine.

LMAOOOO. i tried making him his usual dom toji self but when shiu’s there he just folds bye. he’s such a cutie. IKNNJOOOW man is writing dp hard as shit, me too i’d never try irl bc it looks scary but in fanfiction with these two? ALWAYS☠️☠️☠️☠️

thank you again !!!! 💟😋 i can’t wait either it’s just gonna get more messier hehe

[churipu]

EXCUSE ME BRO TAKE IT SLOW FINSIH THE EVENT NEXT YEAR WE CAN WAIT.!!!

OKAY SHUT UP I LOVE THE 3 IDEAS TOO!!! Gojo is my fav but why does the sukuna idea interests me more. I honestly love hearing the ideas😫😫 AND HELP ONE SIDED ENEMIES YOU SAY (IM BARKING..IDK if u remember but I was the one who requested one sided enemies for the Ipinverse event🫣🫣🫣🤫) But NOW HE HATES ME?? INCHRESTING. AND BABY GUMI 🤧🤧🤧

Would you write anything for naoya lmao 😂

Actually let's play something..if you were to write a series for the mahito, gumi, toge, ino, yuuji, yuuta (HELP I CANT STOP LISTING) What dynamics/tropes would you assign them??

I LOVE INTERACTING WITH YOU 🤕🫶 like I said in the early days of ur page, I'll protect you!!! <3

I wanna eat ur page sometimes

NONNIIEEE, I DON'T THINK I WILL FIND MYSELF WRITING FOR NAOYA :(

i literally love you, so much. it makes me so happy to see you in my ask box, likeeee reallyyy happy. AND FOR THE GAME.

1. mahito -> enemies. LITERAL ENEMIES. nobody falls in love — it's just you and him fighting, and you end up killing him 😤

2. gumi -> active reader. active reader. active reader. who's such a free soul, gets happy at the smallest things and tells megumi about it all. the series is just entries of you telling him what makes you happy today and how megumi falls in love with you more and more everyday.

3. toge -> video game enemies, lovers in real life. you're too good. and he's not going to admit he sucks, he ends up being a hater bye (secretly screenshots every win you get).

4. ino -> where he meets you through nanami. i don't even — imagine one day, you're just there beside nanami and ino's all "???". ino's a bit skeptical with you so both you and him would end up fighting for nanami's attention, but ended up falling for each other. (and nanami commends you both, win win).

5. yuuji -> sunshine and sunshine. i mean, imagine. you and him being chaotic??? pranks and all. tiktok trends. silly pictures. (started off as "we're dating in everyone's eyes but our own").

6. yuuta -> reader who's like shoko, really good at reverse techniques. and yuuta who almost never gets hurt during missions but tries to at least get a bruise or two because he doesn't know how to approach you properly outside of your little medic entry.

[inkykeiji]

Clari I'm on the fence ... do you recommend love and deepspace? is the battle system hard or the gacha crazy (bad)? I keep seeing ads and clips here and there but FHDJSKAFHDJKSA TBH I WAS JUST GONNA SKIRT BYE BUT THEN I SAW THAT YOU LIKED IT and decided to do a double take. I'm so curious but LOL what if I get sucked in? However your taste has always been immaculate so im super curious about your opinion and experience with it so far!!

AH ANON! well, first and foremost, i love the hell out of it so far, so i’m going to preface this with saying that i’m most likely biased hehe

okay so!! it’s hard to talk too much about the gacha since the game has only just come out (and i’ve only been playing for 7 days!) but at this current moment they have a ton of events going on to celebrate launch so it’s fairly easy to earn items + materials from those. i don’t know how easy it’ll be in the future, but one thing i’m really loving is the fact that you can buy wishes (pulls) from the shop using in-game currency that is also (atm) easy to earn.

there’s actually a ton of stuff you can buy using in game currency, though this is slowly revealed to you as you unlock more and more currencies (there’s diamonds, heartsand, stardust, chocolates, oracle dice) and there’s only a few outfits locked away behind actual real life money.

they make it difficult to get sucked in, because chapters are locked behind specific levels. for example, for two days i was stuck waiting to unlock chapter 6, because i was level 41, and you have to be level 42 to unlock it. this is kind of the only gripe i have with the game at the moment, because earning exp to level up can only be done through daily tasks, and you always earn the same amount of exp every day—meaning the higher level you become, the longer you have to wait to reach the required level to unlock the next chapter. i’m hoping they’ll introduce more ways to earn exp soon!

other than that, i love it so much. i love all three love interests, i think the writing is fairly good for an otome game (it isn’t super cheesy or cringe) not only in dialogue but in story and all of the other reading material they provide you with (and it’s a LOT!). i love the world building as well, i think it’s quite well done!!! you learn a lot through diegetic sources, (news articles, notes, anecdotes, etc) which i think is super cool. i think the characters are distinct from one another (especially in their texting styles, which is another thing i found super cool; i love rafayel’s absolute lack of fucking punctuation) and well developed!! all of the material you can unlock with them using memories (the cards you pull for, basically) is super super cute, and there’s a ton of that, too. honestly, in terms of material, it’s a little overwhelming especially at first. but the game unlocks features slowly with you, and the tutorials give you a good grasp on everything!

i don't find the battle system difficult at all, especially if you play through all of the training they have, and it’s actually quite fun!!

honestly, i’d say give it a try before all of those events end and see if it’s something you’d be interested in!! at this current moment, you literally won’t be able to be sucked in after like, your first day playing, because the game will lock you out of the next chapter, like i said. it’s a good time to just feel it out and take it for a test-drive, so to speak!

hopefully this helps you out a lil anon, if you have any other questions feel free to ask! <3 and feel free to let me know what u think if you do give it a try!! and who ur fave guy is!! <3

[auspex]

1 on 1 mark session recap! As always, sorry not a lot of context is given.

Mark first finished reading a book 'on thorns and their consequences' which was basically explaining how the sabbat came to be and their PoV on things and then with an anarch commentary towards the end expressing their disagreements. but on the first last page was red runic lettering which mark could not recognize and which sucked up his vitae when he placed it on it.

He tried to do some internet research and came across an obscure forum which claims to be for learning about obscure languages but actually seems to have a lot of vampires on it posting real and fake runes, kinda like testing each other

The runes mark was looking at were on there but the mod, who basically posts in every server, says 'you wont find anything about that in this life.' the posteris like 'cmon doesn't someone have any family who could help' and the mod replies 'ask J' so that smenacing.

idk if J is Julius? it probably isnt but anyway. mark has already reported reading this book to julius and so is gonna ask him about it cause he couldn't figure it out.

the rest of the night he spends teaching G -G is doing well and did remember his vowels : ) also explained to Gs sister how he made sure the investigation would stop and ask if she needed any other help. she asked if he could get them free or at least out of their current essentially prison sooner and mark said no but they would be out in a month to a month and a half. she didn't know how long that was. so he explained how torpor and weeks and  months and years worked

she still didnt say thanks or bye to mark but there was maybe something where she was close to doing so

i love G im so glad he is doing well he learned a lot he is almost through the alphabet

ok now for the meat of the session. the next night he goes to the chantry to talk to cassidy about the books. Knocks on the door. no answer. 

He is getting a bad feeling. represented irl by the ST playing absolutely terrifying music as i search for him.

In the chantry apartments there is an often ignored ghoul at the front and so then he asked her where Lilian’s apartment was (Cassidy’s best friend.). She told him. He knocked on her door. No answer. 

Checks the cafeteria. nope. library. nope. physics department (where their circle head, Dr. White, is). Nope. He asks someone there if she had seen either of them. nope.

so i'm worried as hell

im trying to think what mark could do and im like. i cant scry on him cause i dont have anything of Cassidy’s. 

and the st gives me a Look as if 2 say u do ur forgetting

But he kinda gives it to me for free hes like, ur wearing the same coat you did when you went to the movies

Turns out mark has cassidy's ticket. so thats close enough to being his so. mark does scry on him

its not super juicy but it is super concerning. Cassidy is by lilian in what is probably the side door in his haven that mark hasn’t been in. barricading the door. with a fuckton of furniture. and also pushing against it. lilian looks terrified. cassidy looks So Done With This Shit (tm). something is banging on the door.

so with that mark goes back to the ghoul and is like. So. Uhm. Yeah i actually have permission to enter cassidys haven yes. please let me in

she looks scared - mark put her in a real bad spot. If he doesn’t actually have permission and she lets him in he could get in trouble. but he reassures her that itis fine and his decision and nothing bad will happen. 

so she says ok and goes to open the door (she is able to if she is doing so of her own consent, she functions as a key ig). As she goes to open it, Mark says uhm. they are doing experiments so when you open the door. back up. and she's like "okay?' and opens the door and immediately vine tentacle thingies burst out and she falls back on her ass and scrambles back, screaming

she gets away and mark engages in combat. its the same sort of monster, just smaller, as the one on his territory in the conservatory, that navigate by sound. it has a lion's mane around a beak in the center and vine like tentacles around it.

mark takes a LOT of damage in its first attack he had like 1 unharmed box left  but he manages to win :) 

cassidy and lilian pop out from the door and are like. mark is that you?

Cassidy’s haven is wreckt sadly. Mark's like. yeah its me. its dead. you can come out.

lilian is SO sad it's dead but she isnt mad at mark. its clear she wanted to subdue it but they had no way to do so and mark comments as such

she's like "i was sooo close " :(

cassidy looks So Done and is like. thank you for your assistance mark but how did you . get in.

mark is like. thats not really important right now, is it? cassidy says 'somewhat, but we can discuss that later'

mark says that unfortunately this made quite a lot of noise and the ghoul went screaming for help so time to get your stories straight.

theres a few other things said but then zach rolls up

If you dont know who zach is he is a newly turned tremere. dr. white's child. elevated into power due to his sire. he's a classic skater  boy. hes head of security. he figured ALL of marks shit out when he broke into a lab - he is GOOD at his job despite his casual attitude. he says 'chill' all the time.

he skates up (yes skateboard in the hall) and asks whats up. mark says 'hi zach. it's chill, i handled it.' (Mark kinda likes Zach). 

And hes like. 'whats chill? can you explain?' and marks like. looks at cassidy and lilian. 'they would know better i just came at the end' and cassidy’s like. looks at lilian as if to say to her. u did this shit u explain!

so lilian starts a story which is kind of obviously partially a lie.

she says that she was doing her research, developing off of Leanah's (which was the stuff mark uhm. stole and sabotaged for her). and she noticed this evening that some things were off. papers where she wouldn't normally leave them. but the chimera project was So Important (TM) for the chantry that she just HAD to press on. Oh Also I found this Lipstick (produces lipstick) that looks JUST like what Leeanah wears isnt that interesting! (zach has her put it in an evidence back for him). She says 'Cassidy even made a joke that maybe I should wear makeup more often." Cassidy grunts but keeps a poker face. he would obviously Never Fucking Say That and lilian is messing with him.

god i love them sm. mark also knows cassidy would never fucking make that joke

(explaining a story that may dictate ur fate as u are investigated. does not miss an opportunity to fuck w the bestie* girl!

she continues to say that she got the embryo (described as tadpole) out of the cauldron she starts growing it. and it kept well. growing.

she pauses there. zach is like. okay and? it grows and?

Cassidy steps in. 'when it got bigger than our couch we realized we had a problem.' (also hehe ‘our’ couch their friendship is everything 2 me…) 

lilians like yes. then thankfully cassidy, with some assistance from mark, killed it. and here we are :) and then zach turns to mark and is like. what do you mean how did you get here how did you know.

and marks like Oh Well You Know "I was coming here for unrelated reasons, cassidy and myself are working together you see. And I had permission to enter. And obviously I would assist him in combat. *Coughs.*

he coughs cause i rolled 1 success on the lie T_T

zach is like. you have permission?? and cassidys like uh yes. 'as needed he can enter. its easier that way' so yay that ghoul won't get in trouble LOLLL mark got retroactive permission

even if each can tell he lied like. how do u call him on that when the person who was to have given him that permission said he did.

Liliana finishes up by describing how awful it was to be sabotage. At the end of her story. she says "Im sure leeanah would be very sorry if she saw the destruction she caused and would say so' and cassidy said 'i would not accept her apology' annnddd thiswent over my head but the st explained that was lilian apologizing to cassidy and cassidy telling her to fuck offlkdsafjlkdsjf

and zachs like. aight seems chill! (Perhaps all was not chill). lemme go in your haven here to see evidence of that sabotage

and  cassidys like oh, please do let me clean up first :) and zachs like :) noo you should see my room haha its fine :) and then cassidsy like. okay fine. you do not have permission to enter my haven. which is something respected in the chantry

zachs like do u really wanna go down that route.

Cassidy appears to hesitate. Mark is FREAKINGGG out he CANNOOTTTT find those books mark had him gather. thankfully cassidy says. Yes. Yes I do.

And so zach says fine thats chill. ill see you soon- and he has one of his guys (he had a small posse with him) stay. cassidys like. well that was a mess. mark says yes. which is why you  should start cleaning it. do you want help.

The person Zach left behind enters cassidys room and was making sure the pc was ok. mark is like cassidy is that ok?? and cassidy says 'oh, hes chill.' It seems this was the little fucker that set up the pc and internet for cassidy in the first place! cassidy makes friends with fledglings :) he doesn't speak but cassidy calls him Hack. because that's what he does, ig

Anyway. Mark helps lilian gather monster body parts to the center of the room where she starts some sort of chanting incantation to get rid of it. cassidy goes into his Side Room to start cleaning. When mark is done gathering body parts he knocks and peeks into the side hallway. cassidy tells him to enter and mark starts helping him put books away

well first theres this hallway which has 2 doors. mark enters door two with cassidy.

its a beautiful study room with mostly books, but also some old clothes, including a duster (COWBOY CASSIDY REAL...) and a painting with someone in a cuirass but the face is oddly blurry

also, all the books do not have legible titles.

with sense the unseen it seems the chandelier in the room has some sort of enchantment blurring those things out

there is also a TALL ASS stack of those notebooks he writes in. Mark glances at it and looks at cassidy who pauses and says. i need to call in a favor. can you just keep packing books away for 10 mins ? and marks like Sure

and hes left alone in cassidys study. but he decides to NOT snoop and figures he wouldnt be able to read shit anwyay due to that enchantment so he does literally just put books away.

Cassidy returns and unfolds a piece of paper that he remembers Wendy using before - its like. a bag of holding.

he unfolds it and puts it under the stack of notebooks carefully . the note books fall in. then he carefully, very very very carefully, folds it up. mark comments 'got a few years in there, huh?" he replies "A good deal more than that.".

but yeah theres also furniture and stuff everywhere btw, its a mess. The pack up books. During this time mark asked like. ok we cant keep these books about resisting blood bonds in her haven. and Cassidy is like. really mark. you're gonna make me haul them from the library every time ur gonna read them, and mark is like. sorry. yeah : )

They finish and return to the mainroom. lilian is on the floor, hands splayed, miserable. done with everything. cassidy makes a point to step over her.

cassidy and mark hauled books up to lillian's haven which was much smaller. and complained about stairs. together <3 lol

When they return hack is no where to be found. cassidy looks around and comments that the should not be in the back rooms. he does open the door to the second room but he asks mark to step back so he cant see in : (anyway mark ends up finding zach with sense the unseen (he went Invisible ig) and he was rifling upstairs through lillian's things

cassidy is like 'hack ive been through enough tonight please just give it back' and hack goes to the computer and types:

";)

I have to give them something, y''no"

and cassidy is like. sigh. will this make our unlives harder in the future. and he writes

"maybe a little"

and marks says “you know what that's fair” <- has done the same shit of finding something Smaller so it proves he was Trying but actually not

cassidy comments that he is sad about his clothes getting thrown around and wrecked - 'over the decades he had collected quite a collection, some of which are hard if not impossible to replace' and mark comments 'i hope the tv is ok too'

and upon saying that cassidy actually reacts as opposed to being stone faced "Oh no you're right, the tv!" and he goes right for it

drops to his knees to prop it back up. and theres a crack through a fourth of it. he looks so sad. mark turns it on and it does still display but there is that crack

mark is like its ok we can get another and cassidy is like ' but this was my first tv :('. hes sentimental about it my fucking HEART

marks like. im sorry. i can help you pick out a new one maybe. cassidy says he'll likely take mark up on that. and mark also says maybe it could be fixed and cassidy says he will also try that

but yeah its cute that he got attached to the tv T_T (edited)

anyway zach skates right back in after the bit with hack that i described above. and says. ok in the name of the authority invested in me by blah blah blah... everyone but you, get out please! (hack being that one)

sooo the three leave. And mark is like.well. good luck with everything.

Cassidy and lilian do not look very happy but give ike a half hearted thanks

mark is lowkey like. ok u could be a bit more thankful i saved ur ass and helped u clean up but OKAy . . . .

cassidy also mentions that they can still work on their shared research in a few nights

oh also mark finally got the opportunity to ask if they had showers and they do not and mark is like. wow that sucks.

Cassidy diddnt seem to care but like. dude. imagine only having washrooms. L.

thats the session!

[smoosnoom]

hiii!

moon i’ve already mentioned that i cried like a baby right? it’s never too late to mention it once again bc im not a crybaby and u need to know how u make me feel.

“Winter is slow. It makes him slower than he likes to be” ohhh somebody is projecting once again i see.

do i have to admit now that i probably would enjoy tomato concoction? at least the thing that google showed me

““Don’t say his name,”” what did will do? 🤔

“It’s too early to go to bed. It’s too dark to do anything fun” no literally. the reason winter is my least favorite season.

“Why he’s still thinking about him” he was ur best friend for more than 10 years. ofc u think about him. i bet u think about him every day.

“Mike has never liked thinking” i guess terrible pick up lines not the only thing we have in common with mike

“wisely holding back the fact he probably hasn’t eaten a vegetable in several days” maybe he should try dustin’s tomato dish

“It’s only eight p.m. when his head hits the pillow, and he’s out like a light” honestly? it’s me rn. im not that sleepy but if my head hit pillow i’ll pass out

“he’s beginning to wonder if all the women in his life weightlift in their free time” or maybe just maybe he needs to eat properly

““Someone already wrote about Hannibal.”” LMFAO

“El lets out a sniffle” oh she’s a Manipulator

““Hi,” Will says” the first time he was mentioned by the name and its like.. the middle of the first chapter?

“Mike’s head feels a little bit like it’s been replaced by a tumble of rocks” not for the first time

“because he is an abomination who likes fries dipped in milkshakes” another reason to trust in tomato concoction 🫡

“Mike would bet countless amounts of money that El’s hands are perfectly clean” she’s evil in a good way and i love that about her <3

“The garage is cold and dark when they step out” oh no?? it feels like a good and a bad thing at the same time

““Because you never did!”” so they’re two idiots again?

“”how is this all my fault? Why am I the bad guy?”” ???? oh…

have i ever mentioned why i haven’t listened “evermore” properly? it cause i decided to listen the day it dropped and i was crying so hard i skipped my classes. so yeah i think i feel the right vibe.

and “about you” is my now love. i listen to it since the album was released and i can’t help having butterflies.

so glad that spirits that possess u until u write something didn’t calm down and now we have that heart-wrenching masterpiece <3

can’t wait till the next chapter!

love u, bye 🤍

hellooo alya i am finally . replying to this because u are Crazy .

😭 im so sorry for making u cry ,, if it helps . it was unintentional !

IT WASNT ENTIRELT PROJECTING . actually a lot of it was ok winter makes me so sluggish ☹️

i am Not a fan of tomato . u can have my tomato portions all u want 🍅

yes !!! winter sucks !!!!!!!! u get me

"i bet u think about him everyday" 😭😭 going after his THROAT oh my god

if it helps . ur pick up lines are so bad that they're charming ! :)

omg like popeye he eats a single vegetable and suddenly becomes So Buff

yes !!!! i wanted the first time will's name is mentioned to be Very Special

U LIKE FRIES AND MILKSHAKES ??*=($*÷(÷(÷ ALYA

el using her cuteness for Evil she's everything to me

they're two idiots again ☹️

oh no 😭😭 u are So real for that evermore evokes emotion in me that i can't even describe !!! and I LOVEEEEE ABOUT YOU omg do u also like the 1975 ? im such a big fan of them !!!!!

alya im 29929219% sure if i searched up Nicest Sweetest Best Person in the World, ur name would pop up

ilysm, thank u always for motivating me :] <3

[lauranyx]

My Stray Kids Fanmeet Experience

So i saw skz for the first time in real life the other day (jan 202023 to be exact :p) and i wanna write my whole experience so that i can look back at this in the future cuz my memory is shit 😅

It all started last year 2022 around Nov/Dec when bench announced that they'll have a bench x stray kids fanmeet this Jan 2023 (excite excite) so obv i just HAD to get tickets. ITS STRAY KIDS HELLO?

minor detour for some of that extra context lol:

I got into skz mid to late 2021 and ofc it was felix with his deep ass “cooking like a chef” yt short that sucked me in. From then on i just got hooked into their content and just them in general. Really nice to see a grp thats around my age doing something amazing like what theyre doing now.

Anyway! Back to my fan meet xp

So last yr i saw the announcement and got all majorly excited. At first i was thinking of getting VIP tickets. I was actually willing to spend 8k for a fanmeet and a chance to receive a poster from them. But then i saw the lines in bench and i was like,, hell naw! I aint gonna be putting myself through that. Y’all can wait in line for that imma spend my time elsewhere. So i waited for the promo period to get tickets for lower box instead. This was only 4k with a chance for a bye wave opportunity (no physical up close interaction like shaking hands or anything but at least u get to see them closer up). I was totally fine w this since i spend less and since im not going for what majority (who can afford) want, less ppl to deal with/wait in line for.

Now.. i went through s t r u g g l e just to claim my ticket after buying my stuff from bench. Dont really wanna retype everything since ive already shared w my friends so imma just attach screenshots of my rant

(Screenshots here)

Now, after that whole ordeal, is the new year and i honestly forgot there was a raffle. Also can i just say, thank goodness ate girl (for those that dont know ate is filipino for sister that we use even for non relatives.. kinda like noona/unnie) was kind enough to send me my code that night so i was still able to enter my code for the raffle to win a bye wave opportunity. Cuz if not… i wouldnt have seen skz up close😿

Jan 12 day of the bye wave winners announcement: I checked my email around morning and noon; nothing. So i was like ayt, i didnt win. I’ll still get to see skz tho irl w decent seats.

BUT THEN

when i checked my email again in the evening- actually i didnt purposefully check my mail; i just saw the push notif on my phone. Something like “STRAY KIDS WINNER, congratulations!” and I FREAKED THE FUCK OUT. Like OH MY GOD. OH. MY. GOD!! I WON?!?!??? Suuuper ecstatic. Kept squeeling and shit. I could not even.😶😱🤗😵🥴🫠🤪🤪🤪

After i was able to calm down, I immediately let ate girl know if we could meet up earlier so i can get my receipt back so i can have no trouble on the day of the fanmeet when i claim the raffle. She was nice enough to agree and meet up earlier and it was nice that she seemed happy for my win (she also bought lb tix) kinda regretful i didnt try to be friends w her but im shy so whatever. I just want receipt so i can see the bois😛😁😁😁

Cut to day of fan meet. Wait no- actually.. the week of the fanmeet. The monday of that wk is when i met up w ate gurl to get my receipt. Friday was the fanmeet. In between i was tryna decide my outfit (that i dont have a pic of but whatever. i’ll describe it nalang) which ended up being a kinda loose white tank top with a green plaid long sleeve on top then dark grey/black slim jeans. Add in a couple of accessories ( choker, chains, earrings) and we’re good to go. Oh i also had on my hidden high heel highcut black sneakers (or at least i think theyre sneakers; can never remember fashion shtuff)

In case it wasn’t obvious i was fully planning to go on my own since my friends/cousins said they couldnt (busy or broke) so whatever. BUT THEN my friend, day before the fanmeet- night before actually- was like “ hey! Joke lang im actually going to the meet” so i was like “omg yay!” Not like that exactly but yeah. Same sentiments :p

I asked my friend if we could meet up on fri and she said sure. She’ll just be w her friend who got her the ticket.

Now! We can finally cut to the day of the fanmeet. Claiming for raffle winners are from 10am-2pm then theres an orientation @3pm so i went to moa around 12-1230, got my photo cards (chan, leeknow, & hyunjin) and the wristband showing me as a bye wave winner. Went around moa, had lunch in jollibee, waited around in my car for my friend to arrive around 4, 5pm. Ate again in ikea resto then we finally went to the venue.

While lining up we made friends w another stay who gave out some freebies (ngl i forgot her name🥲) she was sweet. I was kinda stupid and decided to split up from my friend (cuz there 2 lines and the one i went to was shorter but my friend didnt follow so 🙃☹️) so i ended lining up alone when i told her that i wanted to meet up so i wouldnt line up alone lol. Anyway, i got inside moa arena went to my seat in lb 221 and got ready for the fanmeet.

The fanmeet started around 7pm (tho gates opened at 5) it wasnt fully packed inside but there were still a LOT of Stay that attended. Tho i think gen ad was fully packed.

Honestly everything happened so fast that if i didnt take videos and didnt see the vids that others have posted online, i woulda forgotten everything but i know i enjoyed every minute of it😁

So first off skz opened w God’s Menu then the host, Sam Oh (who i know of because she used to be on radio and i loved listening to her shows then), introduced them and on the programme went.

The kids played some jenga w missions, whisper challenge, dance replay challange, domino challange, paint a shirt that was raffled out to the audience) call w a fan(that didnt work out cuz of cell service issues) also i didnt quite get that WE had to call the numbers of the phones in front of the skz members so i didnt really try until it was too late. One fan was able to connect tho but it didnt really work out too well. Im glossing over these and might have mentioned them in the wrong order but thats because there are tons of vids out there about these so i won’t go into detail.

At the end of the fan meet skz performed Case 143 and we moved on to the giving out of signed posters THEN my long anticipated bye wave opportunity. So while the poster receivers were getting ready so were the bye wavers. There was an usher of sorts holding a sign for us to recognize and follow to the exit. The staff told us that no pics/vid was allowed😕 sucks but i was planning to sneak a vid if possible. Others also tried im sure of it. I was 15/200 in line. Unfortunately because i was so close to the front and they were ushering us to the stage pretty fast, i couldnt set up my phone to video on time. No matter tho. There was a barrier that was too high for the phone in my front jean pocket to even capture anything so it wouldve failed anyway.

Going up the stage felt so rushed even tho the videos showed that we werent even walking that fast. But it felt so fast that i couldnt even tell you what order the kids were in when i was waving bye to them. Thank god for other Stays tho so imma put their line up here so i can recall my experience better

They were grouped by twos behind some barriers that looked like kiosk stands from left to right (tho we entered right and left the stage left) it went

Chan - Lee Know | Changbin - Hyunjin | Han - Felix | Seungmun - I.N.

We were like 5ft away from them kandhaksbskabxj

Ok so first i saw was IN and i gotta be honest i cant remember the experience 😭😭 id like to say we made brief eye contact but im not sure. I think i saw that he was looking at the ones behind me so i moved my eyes to Seungmin. Again i cant remember anymore so idek what actually happened here

Now Seungmin, bb, i swear we made eye contact and i think i shocked him with my hair cause his eyes widened and mouth opened wider while looking at me aidbsidbdlaj. Context: i have a shaved head. Tho im in the middle of growing it out. My last shave was mid Dec last yr so my hair at this point is about an inch to an inch and a half

Lemme just insert here that i COULD NOT stop smiling

Next was Felix and oh. my. GOODNESS GRACIOUS!!!!! We made the looongest eye contact ever!!! wodbsisbdb SWEAR!! At least 2 seconds! It was glorious~ And his face was just so beautiful and his smile was angelic and he may not be my bias but he lives rent free mehn. Rent. Free. Period.

Ayt so Han. My bb, my bias. I feel so bad cause i think i got so caught up w looking at felix ( making fucken 2 second eye contact) that i think Han saw me not looking at him so he went on to say bye to the ones behind me already😖😣😔😢😭 tho i did try to catch his eyes but no such luck cause i had to keep moving

Moving on, it was Hyunjin. Very brief, my encounter with him. Again i think i spent too long looking at Felix that it just pushed back the rest to skip over me causing me to miss meeting eyes with the rest. But Hyunjin 👌 also he be the tallest of the grp

Same thing with Changbin tho i really did try my best to look at them whenever they were more or less directly in front of me. The size of this man tho! Batak! So buff 💪 i just wanna feel… all of it👀 in a non sexual way ofc😶 unless? 😏 jk (or am i🤔)

Anyway!

Lee Know is so pretty like wtf . But again he was already looking at those behind me😞 and i had to keep the line moving so.. sad=me Lee Know is my bias wrecker pa naman🫤 i really love his relationship w Han whether its just friends or whatever it is I just love seeing the interactions. (Ngl tho,, the fan edits of minsung that i see Stay post? Mmm is something alright)

Bang fucken Chan DOE! Maybe cuz he’s last idk. But he made it a point to look at me in the eyes😍🥰 made me soo happy~ and his smile! And dimples! My gosh he’s just adorable☺️😊🫠🫠🤭 i just wanna be your friend man. Actually i just wanna be friends with all 8 of them bdkajxhak

Moving on.

After all this we were ushered out of the arena and I decided to loiter a bit outside before i went back to my car. Fangirled like crazy. Then promptly went back to the hotel. I fangirled again when i saw my cousins at the hotel roofdeck cuz i couldnt just keep this in mehn i had to let it out and share my joy.

Later in the night i found out that skz stayed a bit longer to jam w the crowd while Doodle was playing. Kinda jealous but i got to see them up close so im content for now.

The upcoming concert in March tho.. i NEED to get sound check and vip tix. I just gotta💪 heres to me, hopin’ i get the tickets i want🤞🤞

[fnaf-girls-world]

im back. i have a lot i’ll try to update on throughout this month and whatevs. but i’ll give a little umph of it. i got a new number, and he’s so much better. it’s been 5 days and it already feels like it’s doing so good, it took like 5 weeks for that feeling to happen with the last guy. but moving on to todays topic. it’s about like me. my mom thinks i have something wrong with me now because i cried in front of her really bad. it was a whole sob session about idek what i was just crying about everything, my grades, lack of social skills, my personality and appearance and how I think they both suck, and etc. something i realize though is that i hate feeling things, i wanna pretend to feel happy because that keeps me content, having too many emotions at once makes me finally breakdown and i hate having those moments. crying like my life is over in front of someone is the worst for me. cause then i feel like they’ll pity me or always see me as weak, i want them to continue to look at me like i’m how i was before. even though yeah i finally maybe let out a true me but i hate that they know about it now. i wanna be like for real happy, idk even know how to describe it. even my psychology teacher sees something’s off wiht me. she literally asked me if i was okay and she keeps giving me these “r u ok” kind of looks, am i that obvious. can someone tell just by looking at me that my week has been off. one thing i just thought of that really initiated my idea to write this was that i hate being compared to someone. someone smart, pretty and nice? no, not that kind of comparing. when someone like my mom will say “you remind of your dad in that case” or “your personality is like yours dad rn” or “your literally your dad”. like i don’t dislike my dad and nothing is wrong with him it’s just that, her complaining all the time about he’s a bad person (she says i don’t agree) and he’s a manipulator and he’s annoying and gets on her nerves a lot really has me thinking. am i like that to you? your comparing me to someone who you seem to have something against. same thing with my best friend, she had this friend before me who had done her really wrong and both her and her mom always tell me that i remind them of her. like what, i didn’t do anything bad to you. why the hell am i being compared to your horrible ex best friend?? moving on from that tho and going back into my mental issues, i don’t think my mom wants to accept the fact that i most likely have something mentally wrong with me. she denies therapy and says i don’t have a real issue so it probably wouldn’t work and she doesn’t want me being prescribed with meds, but like if will really help me why not?? an update on the things she thinks i have, depression, ADHD and anxiety. she suffers from two out of the three (diagnosed and all) so she sees the similarities between me and her. she’s never really had an insanely traumatic experience either yet she’s prescribed. i just wanna get better. even if that means i could be lowkey a robot on meds but idc, i wanna be everything but sad and worried 24/7. and all the time i feel like i’m constantly in flight or fight like i need to defend myself all the time or i need to run from my problems and i don’t know how to control any of my worries it’s just so stressful. but i have to try yk? ig you’ll never know if you don’t try. well i gotta lock in, gotta do my homework. bye

(5/23/24, 7:33pm)

[headandheartinhand]

i hate advice but every youtuber can't seem to stop trying to give it to me.

my recs r flooded with ppl taking their personal revelations to public platforms, doling out what worked for them either with the hope that it reaches others, or the belief that most everyone else needs to be doing what they're doing oh my god how have u not heard about this why aren't u living intentionally havent u heard the real truth on what happens when u romanticize ur life or move back in with ur parents after 25 do u know the five questions u must ask urself every evening in order to introspect properly or how about the 5 trauma personalities that u may fall under or u may embody them all but for brevity or clickbait's sake let's make it seem like u only have one. but u should follow these three things this white man on your screen does every time existence feels like a burden for him and u should make videos for urself and tell others ur doing it for uu even tho that very video goes viral and i cant tell if that makes u more or less credible on this topic not that credibility matters experts and laymen alike r out here telling u their truth and how what works for them has worked for them throughout their life and insisting that it's the same answer for u lovely stranger that they have never and likely will never meet. but rly it cld all b so simple if only u clicked on my video. yes mine, don't hover over that other self help disguised as a digital diary entry video watch mine listen to me follow my advice give me views heed my influence feel my power hear me roar suck my dick spit on it then swallow it whole okay love u dont 4get to subscribe and hit the like and i'll catch u guys in the next one bye🩵

[swerviana]

Oh brother I’m sad again bc the overthinking is at a high rn

I’m quite concerned bc my thc tolerance just keeps getting higher & higher and I’m kinda scared lmaooo.. just 3 years ago, I didn’t drink or take edibles … then trauma trauma. I can’t rely on any substance (aside from the fact that duh that’s harmful) but I don’t need my family talkin bout some “I told you so” “addiction can be genetic” ah well life sucks what do you want me to do about it lmao

I’m on medication, edibles, and therapy - I’m still downbad.

The depression has also gotten super out of hand and I’ve unlocked a brand new level called “Partial Hospitalization”. But we’ll get to that later. Maybe. Either way, this ain’t the way and it’s even worse bc I’m gaining weight with noooooo motivation to do anything. (except snack I guess).

What’s the kind of depression where u don’t eat? Why can’t I ever have that one? Life is crazy fr.. I ain’t ask to be here but I guess I’m grateful cuz like… idk I’ll come back to that.

Anywho, I realized yesterday I have no goals in life .. like no real set goals. My only goal is to succeed at anything I attempt…. Doesn’t seem good enough to me tho. I say it a lot but I really, really mean it when I say I never predicted to make it this far. I had no vision of where I’d be at this age bc I didn’t even imagine making it. Why? I literally do not know… but I’m kinda here just floating and “maintaining”, but mostly struggling and internally crying.

Let’s end (for now) with a happy note … hmm…

Happy note - I love my apartment, although extremely messy due to depression, and I love that it’s mine and only mine. I love not having to speak for 48 hours at a time. I love my tall ceilings. Super grateful. Although rent is increasing …. Still grateful 🥲 ok thank you bye cuz I’m bout to get negative again😂