#by which I mean rules that I think are stupid
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Light stalks into the hotel room at 1 a.m. It's November 12th already.
They called his mom earlier. He'd almost forgotten, in the midst of it all. Light told her the truth — or as close to the truth as he could get, anyway. The raid. The gunshot wounds. The blood loss. His words came out odd and robotic, which was bad, because it was suspicious. He wasn't sure why he wasn't projecting emotion right.
Aizawa and Ide kept sneaking glances at him through the whole thing. They weren't subtle. Matsuda wasn't either, but at least there was only sympathy in his eyes. Misa held his hand through it all, tracing circles with her thumb. The touch was repulsive. He's pretty sure he'd dug his nails into her palm, considering how hard he'd gripped her hand back, but she hadn't complained a bit.
Sachiko cried. Misa cried, too, even though Dad had never been her father. It felt like an insult to Soichiro Yagami's memory that Light couldn't make the tears come out of his own eyes. He was usually so good at faking it. The dryness felt damning.
"I'll arrange the funeral," he said.
"I'll fly over right away," his mom answered quickly. "I'll get Sayu—"
"No!" He lurched out of his seat without meaning to, then fell back. "Don't tell Sayu."
Aizawa and Ide eyed each other again. He wanted to kill them all.
"We'll have to at some point," his mom said gently.
"I know," Light said. He swallowed. "But Mom, neither of you can come. It won't be safe here. You rented the countryside house for a reason, right? You both have to stay put for now. Mello is still active."
He hoped she would argue. She didn't. "Alright," she said softly. "But you tell me if you need anything, okay, Light?"
"Okay," Light said, and the rest of the conversation was logistics.
It's almost half past one in the morning now. The task force is asleep. Misa is, too, on one of the twin beds they pushed together. He thinks about writing down all the criminals he can in one night and murdering everyone in the building and jumping off the hotel balcony.
"Ryuk," he says instead, as he sits down on the edge of the other bed.
"Yeah?"
He tries to laugh. It comes out wrong, too, but not as badly as the earlier attempt at tears had. "It's funny, isn't it?"
"Wow, Light, I didn't think you were that cold," Ryuk remarks.
"It's just," Light says, "that he only lived one day after trading for the eyes. So even if he hadn't… I guess he wouldn't have stayed alive that long anyway."
Ryuk frowns. "Huh? I don't get it."
"The eyes take away half of your remaining lifespan, right? And Dad wasn't killed by the Death Note, so that really was his natural lifespan. Which means, since he died after one day, he was only going to live two days if he hadn't traded."
It should be a relief. It is a relief. It's not Light's fault. Soichiro Yagami was going to die anyway.
"Wrong," Ryuk says.
Light flinches backwards. It's been five years, but sometimes Ryuk's smile still scares him. "What do you mean, wrong?"
"Welllll… maybe wrong? I dunno, actually." Ryuk scratches his chin with one claw. "Yeah, maybe you're right. I haven't looked at the rules in forever."
"Ryuk, what are you talking about?"
"See, I'm not sure if that half is from how long you would've lived without the Death Note, or if it's from your new lifespan after you get the Death Note."
Light gapes at him. "It's obviously the second one!"
"That's the funny thing, Light-o," Ryuk says, and grins. "You can't know how long someone's gonna live if they have the Death Note. It's impossible. That's why you can't see the numbers over the heads of Death Note owners."
"But — Misa traded half her life away," Light says. "Twice. So it can't be her original lifespan, since that stalker was going to kill her."
Ryuk shrugs. "Who knows? Maybe she's been trading halves of zero this whole time."
"That's… No," Light says. He doesn't notice the way his fingers tighten around his grip on the thin hotel sheets. "No. That would be stupid."
"It is stupid," Ryuk agrees. "You're probably right."
"I'm definitely right." Breathe in. Breathe out. "So you don't know how much time you got from Dad — from my father?"
"No clue," Ryuk says cheerfully. "But it's okay. I've killed oodles of regular people, so I should still have a lot of life left to go."
Light abruptly, desperately hates him.
"I'm going to bed," he says. "Talk to you in the morning."
"Cool," Ryuk says. "I'll go sightseeing."
---
a/n: happy 11/11 :)
#light yagami#soichiro yagami#ryuk#death note#hahahaaa it is in fact nov 12 almost half past one in the morning. california time even!#im so glad i can actually post this at a reasonable time. not in terms of tumblr reasonable. in terms of plot reasonable
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becoming slightly worried about the teacher reputation I'm developing because today I had a student ask if it was okay if she had her phone with her on our mini field trip (which they aren't allowed to do) (I say mini becausefo it was just me and a few students) and I said that was fine and she said "yeah I didn't think you'd mind"
oops??
#for me truly the hardest part of working with children is that I do not have it in me to enforce stupid rules#by which I mean rules that I think are stupid#“they're all out of uniform!” you Could Not Pay me enough to care about this#I think the no cell phone on field trip is stupid bc it's understandable that kids would want to be able to reach their parents...#...while off campus and vice versa#rules I will enforce include#“don't eat in the library I don't want to get ants”#and “stop pushing each other I don't want to have to use the first aid kit”#(that one was also on today's mini field trip lmao)
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🫖🐭☁️🍚
#so i did meet my old friend from years ago yesterday. i was sooooo nervous omgggg. and i was waiting outside the café we agreed on#and then saw them walk in and i was like omgggg. the anxiety... but then i gathered courage and walked towards it and thry saw me thru the#window and came out and immediately hugged me. then they were like 'omg i've been so nervous. even more than before like a date!!'#so that made me relax a bit. i feel like i dont really fully estimate what i mean to them. maybe they care about me as well haha !!#then we just got our stuff and i chose a smoothie and was ready to pay but they just got it with their stuff (they work at this chain so#they got a discount). i feel so so bad & anxious when someone else pays for me. like i feel like a burden#but i asked twice if i should send them money for it and they were like no that's fine. so i had to tell myself to just shut up abt it 🥲#bc if u keep asking u make it into a thing and make them uncomfortable etc. so i really appreciated that and it was nice even if i felt bad#but yeah then we just sat down and talked. and it was so much easier to talk to them than i had been worried abt#like it flew nicely and yeah.. i feel like i forgot a lot abt them. like they're good at conversating. so they kept it going & even if i was#awkward it was fine for them. i did however get swept up in my own anxiety so as they asked me questions i answered#but then was too whirlwindy so i didnt really ask as much back and there were things i wanted to ask but didnt :')))#then they had cards and a card game with them. so we played for a bit too. and it was a lot of fun!!! (i was anxious and kinda slow lmao#bc when i dont know smth or the rules etc already my brain stops working so yeah.. even if it was simple games i was like um um what do i do#felt stupid but yeah again they didnt do anyhing to contribute to me feeling stupid but i still felt slow >.<#but i still thought that was so much fun. i wanna do more of that T-T like yeah...that was nice#then we took a lil longer walk to a bus stop before hastily said goodbye bc the busses came T-T#it was really really really nice tho. i have missed them a lot#and i didnt .. think we would ever see eachother again. i really didnt think this could happen#im so glad i somehow got brave enough to message them and im so so glad they wanted to see me too#i cant help but wish i could go back to when we were younger#and we spent every day in school together and messaged during the days and evenings and spent sm time together#when we went into the city like several times a week and took long walks. ahh... well. im glad we got to have those moments#& idk what will happen now. i really really want to see them again. even if we'll never be that close friends again i'd *wish* that we could#still be in touch. but im so bad at replying which doesnt go over great with them.. i'll try my best to reply quicker to them#*if* they message me. sadly i cant erase my avpd but i'll try my best to reply faster if and when they message)#they also complimented my sweater i was wearing (which is my fav sweater) !!!! and yeah.. they looked so cool. which they always have#and i kept thinking abt how nice their eye makeup was (i was too shy to compliment it tho bc im really bad at like 'nice' affectionate and#anything feeling related. like im so bad... so i couldnt say anything </3)#ugh it was just so nice to sit and talk with them. im so glad i went despite my fears. bc this was so good and nice :')))
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well not every shift is good it took me a while but i have taken notice of this
#i don't think she likes me. it's not her fault and probably not personal#but also to be honest some people could use a lesson in explaining stuff and giving orders. bc some aren't good at it#but also it was just one of those days when the other person is tired or not feeling it and i'm a burden#and also i think it might be her style too i mean it's like with my mother that she assumes i just know stuff/can guess what she means and#with certain stuff (to me seemingly almost on random but mostly the social stuff) she overexplains. like i'm an idiot or i spent my#years before this under a rock#and it's also that. i do something a hundred times according to an unspoken rule or like logically or how i saw others do it‚ and then the#one time i mess up or forget or something (bc. i mess up more than with others bc she makes me anxious. that's at least partially on me)#so the one time i do something differently or not perfectly she talks to me like i have never heard of the rule and have been messing up#all this time. which I don't appreciate#idk i just feel like my total incompetence was assumed at times today (← what i said earlier was a nice surprise‚ i mean that this#never happens here lol bc i'm kind of used to being treated like i'm stupid) and then at other times it was assumed that i know things i#haven't been shown or told about yet. some contradictory demands ig#and i just don't handle it well ig and it makes me feel like i'm at home.#but she was just tired it's whatever#kata.txt
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kinda drives me up a wall when people go "hey i think x action in a war/combat scenario is inhumane and cruel and shitty" and someone responds with "oh but within the laws of war it's allowed or there's procedure for it etc etc". it doesn't have to be a war crime to be unforgivable man it's a shitty rulebook anyway
#like whether or not something's bad isn't determined by whether or not it adheres to arbitrary rules people made up and never obey#i thought we all knew that already. c'mon man. get a grip#obviously war crimes are bad but that's not where the badness potential ends y'know#this post is due to my dad talking about smth i sent him mentioning US troops firing on a bunch of guys in smth on deserters and he was lik#well they're not like citizens or refugees or deserters they're retreating enemy combattants. so it's different.#it IS different but isn't it still like. overly brutal? idk.#like would you want them to pursue Your ppl regardless? are they not allowed mercy just because you proved stronger? your positions could#be swapped easily and you'd think that as fellow combattants you would feel that deeply. idk maybe i'm just too soft or whatever but like.#seems stupid to me. war generally seems stupid to me but this specifically right now seems stupid to me#yes i know there are practical concerns and sacrifices in combat that make sense when you're actually there and me saying there should be n#wars and we should make it a fucking priority to not have wars doesn't mean ppl already in a decision-making role in the field should do#what i (an idealist) would do. they're responsible for minimizing loss and shit. whatever. doesn't mean it's not fucked up anyway.#and that's assuming the best case scenario for a leader in such a position. usually they just want to minimize Their side's losses. usually#by maximizing the other side's. or they just want to win and will sacrifice anyone for it if it's practical#which happens a Lot. usually it's a mix of the latter two to my understanding#as if americans' lives matter more than anyone else's and the other side doesn't have a right to mourn bc they offended us somehow#ugh that shit irks me so bad dude. there'll be like a terrorist attack in europe or smth and the news'll be like#ONE AMERICAN WAS KILLED. and twenty swiss. THE AMERICAN WAS VISITING FAMILY THERE ON SUNDAY MORNING WHEN TRAGEDY STRUCK etc etc#fucking hate that. i don't care if they're on 'my team' or whatever they're all equally human and equally dead#why the hell should i care if one of them was an american. just say 21 people died. like i get reporting on it briefly ig to like notify#ppl At Best but like. it's so grating. why can't you be normal about other people fucking goddamn you#why is this a controversial statement. why is giving a shit about people killing each other (often for like 10 ppl's financial gain) wrong#like. come on. i don't care if they 'deserve it' or whatever because i don't think they do. and even if they Did i don't think it's#America's Time To Step Up!!! every time smth like this happens (but only when it is financially beneficial to us to do so#such that we ignore atrocities all the fucking time bc it's inconvenient. we're not superheros. we're cops.)#not saying america shouldn't do anything bc like. idk. you screw everyone over to have all the power maybe you should use that influence fo#good. but my definition of 'good' is wayyyy way different from everybody who's ever held office here apparently so like. nuts to that#eugh. anyway im cutting myself off here rant over. for now
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head in my hands im trying to come up w prinzhes headcanons but i literally cannot because prinz is like. a pink and less tragic and less headache-inducing version of tesilid.
they're both very gentlemanly, they both can fight, if someone is unfair to them they're more likely to smile and try to smooth it over than to fight back. if hestio is going to find prinz attractive then he'd have found tesilid attractive too, but if he isn't nursing a massive crush on tesilid by the time he meets prinz then it means that tesilid gave him so much blood pressure problems that they're no longer his type.
so anyway in conclusion teshes solos- wait what? how did this turn into teshes propaganda
#i think some part of me will just alway be hung up on teshes sorry this dynamic has me in a CHOKEHOLD#prinzhestio is teshes but healthy#bc theyre not being fucked over by tesilid's role#(falls to my knees and cries... no regression teshes my beloved)#teshes is fun bc their dynamic changes so much as tesilid regresses#early regression teshes is diff from no regression teshes which is diff from mid regression which is diff from late regression teshes which#is diff from 100th round which is diff from#i love!! teshes!!!!#but that was not the point of this post!!!!!!!!!!#like prinzhes dynamic would be diff from teshes actually bc tesilid's rule abiding and doormat tendencies are a little. strong#like even in round 0#hestio would approach him a lot differently from tesilid i think#falling on my knees please consider... hestio falling for a gentlemanly person who is the opposite of his own rude manner of speaking#who can protect him like the very fragile person he is#but without the childhood friends to lovers aspect.#(the answer is i should just write teshes where they meet later in life. but also sometimes i dont want to deal w hestio's blood pressure-#-always on the verge of exploding bc tesilid is being stupid. like take that down a notch to being sometimes only instead of always)#and also the thing abt being strong enough to protect hestio - the thing abt teshes is. tesilid cant actually protect him. lol#tesilid is a tanker which means he shld always be on the other side of the battlefield from hestio#if hestio is in danger it means tesilid didnt do his job right and that he is also too far away to even throw himself in front of hestio#☺️ tesilid watches hestio die from way too far away#like the main reason tesilid is able to protect ailette rn is bc he can just magically transfer her wounds onto himself#and also bc ailette's body is very durable. hestio would die in one hit he doesnt even have aura#and also bc ailette is the Actual Tank most of the time lol she takes the aggro on purpose#so tesilid doesnt need to be on the other side of the field to do his job he just needs to deal dmg by her side
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i made an oc thats at least nicknamed "Stupid" and im constantly thinking about what a power move that is tbh
#toy txt post#i miss it i should play w her more often but it was going to be for a dnd thing that ive all but abandonded bc i feel like#i cant. do that but it sucks bc i had some cool fun concepts and characters but it was hard enough back then when i was just insecure and#knew nothing about dnd and was intimidated by the mechanics but wanted to try dming for some reason but now i just straight up dont know#what to do but i really enjoy those characters. i should just unlock the secret channelsand scrap the dnd game idea for now and keep the#concepts and im sure i could come up w something if i ever actually learned anything about that shit#anyway. my point being. im obsessed w my character i made up and you should be too cos its good shit#toxic anarchist half dragon demigod with authority issues whos an alloaro clown named Stupid Cupid.#i think her pronouns were whatever but also it/she? when i say toxic i mean it did have a bit of a Clown Cult.#Cupid i think is possibly its given name and Stupid was her clown ass addition and yes i do know of the song and yes it is on its playlist#obsessed w all the stupid overpowered characters i made in that universe. they were such good concepts. gulliver obviously. charybdis#silas (cupids father + previous (now deceased) god of chaos)#cupids mother who i dont think i had a name for yet but she was supposed to be kind of a neutral lawful (in a rules lawyering way)#moon paladin who hatefucked the god of chaos after failing to kill him which she was trying to do out of devotion to the moon#and she supposed to have what i can only describe as chainsaw powers? and she destroyed every gun in existence and killed anyone who knew#how to make them until there were no guns left bc silas kept being annoying w guns and was trying to use them on the moon. for reasons#so she really pissed him off and impressed him before she finally got to him and tried to kill him. and if she was even a minor god instead#of a 'mortal' it wouldve worked and thats the only reason he didnt die from her. and then her child. stupid cupid the clown#grew up and had issues and started a clown cult and wandered around usurping warlords and dictators before putting her aim on silas#and trying to kill him. but failing not bc she was mortal but bc he outsmarted it. but he couldbt bring himself to kill it so he had her#put to sleep for a thousand yrs until someone else killed him(he pissed off a stupid seagull druid who lured him into the path of Charybdis#who he'd ALSO pissed off and Charybdis mega killed him and then the gull druid was made the new god of chaos just to have someone fill the#roll but then they kind of suck at it? they did not want that much responsibility altho the immortality is nice. when they took over they#released cupid whos a bit of a legend but then the vibes are super weird bc cupid Definitely wants to usurp and take on the mantle of#chaos deity and gulliver idolizes her but doesnt feel great about just handing that over to it? and cupid has to grapple with not being the#one to kill silas. almost everyone she knew is dead. her mom isnt. the world has changed a lot. she finds out her cult is still going and#gets excited? but they have Changed. it disgusts her now. they are not the radical clowns she intended. the vibes are weird. she denounces#that and tries out piracy. she manages to get the moon paladin living chainsaw power?#despite not being aligned w their ideology at all. wow nepotism. then it was going to spiral into some fucking meta galactic shit and have#well. ran out of tags. anyway i miss this character i should figure out what im doing w this universe cos theres no way im dming rn 🙃
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But Pittsburgh was open spelled without the h in its early days as a city, no? I suspect the tweet writer was incorporating that knowledge into their joke about ye olden dayes
Nah. I think the person spelled it wrong. There’s several cities named Pittsburg so spellcheck won’t catch it and it’s twitter, people don’t give a shit about historical accuracy they care about making a quick joke and staying under the character limit.
#asks answered#anonymous#if I’m grumbling it’s because the quote tweet has the current correct spelling and it’s literally one letter difference for the char limit#and because y’know hometown pride#this is the website of he would not fucking say that#well my hometown is not fucking spelled that way#the swears are for emphasis and emotion#but I mean if you really wanna get pedantic then back in the Middle Ages this would all be Native American land#so……#what’s the internet rule that I’m thinking of…#oh it’s hanlon’s razor - never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity#it’s a dumb spelling mistake but I’m allowed to be performatively upset about it on my blog on the tags of a post that op will never see#because the original post is from a completely different website
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the worst kind of gjinkas is when people take a fucking canonically ancient character and make them into the most bland looking anime teenager-looking person
hhh
#sage speaks#even worse when its an ANCIENT GOD#sorry i saw a Radi design which made her look like a teenager#which just feels horrible. like I.#did she really only guve you petty mean girl energy or something????#no offence but if you saw Radi as a petty mean girl. I don't think you got her. at all.#Shes an ancient god of dreams that got forgotten about due to the influence of a new white guy#then she was basically only lost in dreams in small snippets of stories. she had no power#and was probably stuck for millennia stuck there#festering in loneliness and rage so when she got the time to strike back she did.#only to get imprisoned once again by the guy that forced her into that festering rage and loneliness in the first place#and yeah sure killing people is bad but i get why. pk kind of took everything from her so she did the same#and turning her into a stupid anime girl. feels like such an insult into an interesting character as it feels like its just#it feels almost infantalizing in a way? maybe ? it just makes her not seem like an ancient god like a at all who did rule the moths before#pk came along#uhhh this probably isnt worded well#but like yeah. hk is a very nuanced game where you can get where most characters are coming from but that doesn't justify their actions#uhhhhhhh yeah don't get into hk if you want simple characters with a simple bad guy#or at least thats my opinion#sorry if you read all these tags
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lmao building manager called me to get more details about The Incident yesterday (even though I emailed her everything last night lol) and said she "doesn't have access to her cameras because they're being worked on" so that is extra creepy. one of the benefits of living in a building full of paranoid old people is that there's like 30 security cameras in the common areas, driveway, parkade etc.
however i did get treated to another one of her rants about how much she hates "the new people" and "there are not good people living here nowadays."
#we've had a ton of people move out/in in the past few months#she is...not happy with them lmao#parking complaints and noise complaints and now 'tailgating people into the parkade' complaints...#i think the issue is that since the economy sucks a lot of people are selling their houses and buying condos here#and they don't understand that being in a Shared Living Situation means you don't get to do whatever you want#the sign is posted for a reason. sometimes for general peacekeeping purposes which you might think are stupid#the no tailgating rule is because we had a huuuuuuge problem with theft in the parkade for a while#and also i guess to prevent creeps for creeping
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As time goes by, I find I am less likely to wake up in the middle of the night to needlessly hate on myself for some random awkward harmless thing I did 10 years ago.
I'm still up in the middle of the night feeling a deep primal urge to needlessly hate on things from years ago, but now it's more just things like
MAN I SHOULD PROBABLY MAKE ANOTHER POST ABOUT HOW MUCH I HATED BLY MANOR HUH
#bly manor#the haunting of bly manor#listen. I'm sure if I were to carefully analyze some of junji ito's short stories I would find some of them to be thematically lacking#BUT THEY AREN'T 10 HOURS LONG ARE THEY#truly the worst kind of horror movie is the kind that lasts for over 9 hours and then makes you feel stupid for getting invested#I was tricked by the good acting and the good cinematography into believing that there would be a good story at the end of the day#the kind of ending that just makes you think surely I'm not understanding this correctly surely they didn't mean to say THAT#but then you think about it a little more and it's like oh no I have been bamboozled#I feel the same way about Kubo and the two strings which - like bly manor - really shits the bed in the last 10 minutes#But ultimately this is where it was going the whole time.#I've seen a lot of bad horror movies but none of them have wasted my time like this. I know it was a TV show but#if it had been a movie it at least would have been over relatively quickly and I could have moved on with my life jfc#anyway everyone should go watch Fear Street 2021 it's the only good horror franchise ever made good night#okay it's not the only one but if you want a lesbian horror series that fucking rules#that's the one#Netflix was like want to try The Haunting of Hill House and I was like only if this writer lives at Hill house and I get to do the haunting#original#I mean not having good theming in a movie is one fucking thing but in a cohesive horror series??????#I feel like I went to a restaurant where they don't serve food but they only told me after I waited for the food for 13 fucking hours.#this is not filling this is not nourishment this is BULL
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🦋
#as a rule it generally has always frustrated me that it very often feels like people are WILLFULLY misunderstanding&misrepresenting me#&occassionally it leads to fun past-times such as actively matching the level of intelligence generally expected from me-- none.#or matching whatever bland&one dimensional personality type i have been very obviously&typically tactlessly assumed to have.#but especially in regards to how nice i am as a default ive always had issues with negative backlash from it lmao.#like its a toss-up as to whether or not the assumption is that i'm too stupid w/ too little life experience#to understand that ppl are inherently evil&thus should be treated poorly&w/ as much suspicion as possible as a default-- lol#-- or that i'm being manipulative+fake &the kindness is surely just a front for nefarious intentions.#&like for the vast majority of my life ive primarily dealt w/ the former which is vaguely annoying but also a lot of fun to play around w/#until i've become too bored w/ the one-sided game to keep on playing it w/ ppl who have the overall depth of a shower floor#&the tact of a rabid wild boar only made worse by the continued assumption that im too stupid to understand that im being insulted.#but over the past few years the tides have shifted to the latter&like.#it took years of adjustment but i've finally perfected the art of actively disappearing in situations where its made clear#that my words&behaviors are being dissected for hidden meanings or malicious intent lmao.#truly the '... nah' philosophy has saved what little is left of my fucking sanity lmao.#it's officially the holiday season&i am already prepared to '... nah' my way straight the fuck into extremely comfortable isolation lol.#bc while i am more or less proud of having leashed my more vicious impulses it's still my first&strongest instinct#to take how bad someone thinks i am&to see how much lower i can go lmao.#when the assumption is that the worse that could happen is shattered kneecaps you take both the feet instead.#this is simply how i was raised lmao.#but in the interest of removing myself from that rather unhealthy cycle i am doing my best to just not engage when it happens.#... but fuck me if it doesnt feel like i'm being purposefully baited most times lmao.
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This is something I learned at one of the pre-op visits for my breast reduction! My surgeon was basically I think an independent surgeon (as I guess I would imagine is common for “cosmetic”/plastic surgeons?) and she was telling us a little bit about what to do for talking to insurance about the surgery and stuff, and she mentioned that for us going through insurance it would be at a particular hospital, but she also often did surgeries where people didn’t use there insurance, and she did those at some other place, and the price she charged up front was much lower, because that was the actual cost of the surgery (and equipment and everyone’s salaries etc.) and she had to raise the ticket price significantly when people would go through insurance, because the insurance company would negotiate that price down, and then keep some of the money. (Obviously for us and many others it still worked out to be cheaper for us out of pocket to go through insurance, but the amount she made was roughly the same even though it would look like she charged thousands more for my breast reduction than for someone not using insurance)
So, when you get those bills from your insurance after a doctors visit, and there’s that little table that tells you, this is the cost of the visit, this is the discount we got you, this is how much we paid, this is how much you still have to pay?
That line about “we got you this discount” is misleading. They actually caused the provider to raise the initial cost of your care by that amount, or more, in anticipation of the insurance company refusing to pay the full amount so that they could tell you they got you a discount.
"Why does a 15-minute visit with a doctor cost 150 bucks in America???" you're gonna want to read Money-Driven Medicine, by Maggie Mahar, and probably also The Social Transformation of American Medicine, to answer that question. It is not because your doctor is a greedy bastard; your doctor does not see most of that money. It is because the system is broken to a level that is truly impressive in its dedication to making a shit ton of money for insurance company executives and shareholders.
#my doctors visits are always around 3 or 400 for me because they never get billed as physicals because I also need prescriptions filled#and I need to go in 4x a year because adderall is so heavily restricted#and my last visit was actually $700 because they needed to drug test me not even for a real reason but because at the previous visit when#they drug tested me (also for bullshit reasons- to check that I was taking my meds instead of selling them or soemthing)#it came up with a false positive for opioids. which I don’t have access to or interest in and would not have been in my system#(mom’s nurse friend hypothesized that maybe the poppy seeds on the wverythign bagel I probably had for breakfast that morning set it off. it#seems like that’s a pretty common food to have and they should either warn you ahead of time about that or it shouldn’t be sensitive enough#to pick that up)#and insurance was like ‘we got you a $195 discount’ which is bs and ‘we paid $4’ which is even stupider#so now at my next virtual visit I’m gonna have to say hey I know the answer is no because of institutionalized stigma against me that you’re#not willing to push back on but I can’t fuckingn afford to keep paying $1600+ a year for what at this point is a middle man between me and a#pharmacist because I’ve been on this medication for fucking ages and all my other ones could be refilled at a yearly physical#so is there any way we could change things up somehow. and she’s going to say no. and I’m going to be angry and upset about it for days#back when i was at my pediatrician I had to go in every six months which was annoying but I would happily go back to that over four times a#year#but idk if the rules changed or if the rules are different for adults or if my doctor just sucks bc I brought that up early on and she was#like no this is what we do#I mean. I can technically afford it. I have the money I’m not going into medical debt or anything. I live at home with my parents and have#very low living expenses and my checking account is limited primarily by my own standards of how much I’ve decided I want to be putting into#my savings account each paycheck. but when the biggest expense in my life is something that already frustrates me and that I know is exp too#expensive and that I feel I shouldn’t have to be doing anyway and I know I’m being treated unfairly#it just feels so much worse. having to take money out of my savings account wouldn’t be the end of the world. but it feels wrongs#and I only make like $36#lmao I forgot about the commas thing.#like $36k a year so I also am aware that even though I’m in a lucky place where I’m stable that’s not *that* much money and I feel like that#is how I tend to think of things. because I’m not going to live with my parents forever and I’m deeply aware that for most people who have#to pay a rent or a mortgage $36k is the lower end of things and a seven fucking hundred dollar doctors bill is a big fuckingn deal#for a regular fucking doctors appointment#it’s not like I fucking asked to be drug tested they said ‘pay us to look at your pee or else’#it’s all bullshit
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Y'know I know I've said like a billion times I don't want to know shit abt Jackie's past but erm. Hi klei. Please just tell me if Josephine and Alan are her parents or some miscellaneous relative this is so important. Did Jackie seriously come from a household with a colonel and another person with a doctorate or does she just happen to be related to them this is so important for how I decide to move forward with my Jackie hcs and with my aus in general I need to know so bad tell me right fucking now
#rat rambles#oni posting#dude I was so sure that I didnt want to know anything abt Jackie's family situation but now I sure as hell fucking do#also if they are her parents then that'd mean she'd have a sibling named jonathan. and god of fucking course she would#my version of a jackie brother may be off in the wind but I would love a new one that she actually gets to have met this time#also to be clear the doctorate + colonel parent situation that Im desperate to know if I can act on is so perfect for jackie#like oh yeah of fucking course shed be a military kid why didnt I think of that first#back in my original hcs she had a brother who was an adult when she was born and was a part of the army#so in my minds eye this adds up perfectly and would to me explain a lot abt her#also the idea that j names run in the family is so fucking stupid I love it#also the fact that her maybe brother named their child after her is making me sick dont do that no child deserves that </3#the fact that its a middle name honestly makes it worse to me lol#god. god those 3 radio logs man. it makes me wonder so so hard#I doubt well get to fully know what happened there but if the colonel is her parent and theyre the same as the tragedy averted log mentions#then we suddenly have a situation in which the possibility of jackie having been involved in at best seriously threatening her parent or at#least relative's well saftey is a very real interpretation of these currently available logs#and I find that soooo fucking fascinating#now again that might not be the case as we just dont know enough#but as of now its a very real possibility and its one that excites me#the idea of jackie being willing to risk the life of a relative like that for the sake of sabotaging a rival and doing a publicity stunt#absolutely rules and I am in love with the concept go girlie go murder your maybe parent#also if I may discuss the timeline matters here shit is looking fucking wild#dude we now have an id that starts with x. like holy shit what the fuck#like there's a world where it's just a weird way of reacting it but like I genuinely dont know#could we be seeing some genuine late state gravitas shenanigans over here?#oh also we got another nikola mention lets goooo#also we have So many more rando names now and this is just with the logs we do have#we have the jackie relatives along with the inlaws mentioned in the same email ofc but we also have harold's son calvin and the x id#scientist I mentioned before b. boson#now boson actually is a potential dupe donor candidate considering we do in fact have a free b dupe to work with (<- is shaking violently)
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I love TS2 but it has some really stupid mechanics built into it
#so i had this family that was just two teen girls right? and on like day 2 of them being in the neighbourhood a really cute stray dog#showed up at their doorstep. so i was like 'ADOPT HIM IMMEDIATELY'#only. only i didn't think about how they would both be going to college soon and they can't take their dog to college!!!!!#also i'm playing the prosperity challenge in this neighbourhood which means there is basically a lot of rules built in#like not being able to use 'combine households' except in college or when moving a graduate back into their ancestral home#and.. just lots of stuff really#basically the dog would've been taken away by the city once i sent the girls away to college#i was like okay. here are my options. i can keep one of them at home and she can have a breakdown about never having gotten to go to colleg#OR i can give the dog to somebody#and the second option seemed like it was going to work out perfectly because the girl who initially adopted the dog has a girlfriend#who lives in another house. so i was like 'that's perfect; he can go live there. her gf's dad can take care of the dog and then#after graduation they can both just move in with him and get married and the dog will be there too and all that'll have happened#is that he'll have swapped houses. it'll be basically like she's just giving the dog to her gf's dad to take care of while she's at school'#but i kept trying to hand the dog over and it wouldn't work. the 'give pet' mechanic just wasn't working#so i ended up giving the pet up for adoption and both the girls were crying and it was so much :(#i did have the gf adopt the pet using the pet adoption service and he cost £3100??? why#listen. i love this dog. i wouldn't have gone through all this if i didn't. but he's not worth all of that#he's well trained and everything and i think he's supposed to be a bulldog but he does pee in the house and try to fight wolves#i just was sooo baffled at the fact that the 'give pet' function apparently isn't free?? then why are there two separate options#for 'sell pet' and 'give pet'. 'give pet' should mean it's FREE#TAKE THE DOG#so i had to gut the gf's dad's house in order for him to afford this stupid animal. he literally has no windows. rip#i'm ngl i hate his house so i was going to rebuild it anyway but it didn't have to happen this way#i guess all's well that ends well. the dog is where i was intending to put him; the girls are in college; and nobody is bothered#i just felt bad that they cried while he was being taken away and that he spent like .5 seconds in a shelter#while i frantically deleted windows lol#personal
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with you, i'm first | miya osamu x reader
in which miya osamu is used to coming second to his brother. but with you, he's always first.
wc: 1113 | gn!reader | fluff
Miya Osamu is used to coming second.
It starts with Atsumu, like most things do. October is cold and gray and Atsumu comes first, a small body with a large presence that fills the warm hospital room. His cries are loud and he’s a little underweight, but with him comes the sun.
Atsumu is born under a partly cloudy sky but the nurses swear he was shrouded in sunlight.
Osamu comes twelve minutes later. His parents are crying and his Ma is close to passing out. If he thinks really hard he can almost feel her warmth, Atsumu’s sobs, and a mumble of prayers that October has safely brought Atsumu and then Osamu.
He asks Grandma one day what the weather was like when he was born. She says, with confidence, it was foggy.
Atsumu doesn’t get along with his classmates. He is too loud and too rash and lacks social cues, and Osamu is angry because Stupid ‘Tsumu cares too little: and he wants everyone to know Atsumu like he knows Atsumu.
They fight and they yell and they argue until Atsumu says,
‘Samu, I don’t care about ‘em. Why do ya care so much?
And Osamu throws him across the room. The argument ends there, he says sorry, and Osamu lies awake that night thinking about his brother. Atsumu is hotheaded. And an idiot. A loud snorer, too. But he turns on his side and curls into a ball because he knows it was sunny when Atsumu was born and all of a sudden he really wants to be his brother.
Atsumu dyes his hair first: it’s a shitty box dye from the pharmacy down the street, and it looks terrible. It’s a little yellow and a little neon, and Osamu laughs until his sides hurt when Atsumu shows him.
But Atsumu is proud, and he is confident, and he goes to school with a hundred watt smile and a group of girls trailing after him.
Osamu goes to the pharmacy that night and buys a box of gray, cloudy dye. Atsumu helps him bleach his hair under their bathroom sink with the faulty tap and tells him he looks like the moon.
His Ma says that Atsu is hot and Samu is cold after the two have a particularly bad fight. Atsumu is gleeful and smug as he gloats that he was born to be hotter and warmer and better, and Osamu punches him.
He remembers his Ma sitting on the porch, an arm around his shoulders as he pouts.
“‘S not fair,” Osamu had said, his chin in his palm. “Why’d ya name Tsumu that?���
His Ma had laughed, quietly, leaning her weight into his side. And she had held his cheeks between her palms and told him with a fire in her eyes that Osamu means To Rule.
He meets you for the first time in February.
You were standing in front of him, a little sheepish, with a box of chocolates in your extended palms. He remembers feeling something heavy in his chest. Because, yeah, Atsumu was definitely going to accept your confession.
You had said, IReallyLikeYou, and Here’sSomeChocolates, and Please Accept Them.
You were shorter than him, and your hair was done nicely, and you were blushing and nervous. And you were really fucking cute. But Osamu is used to coming second, so the only thing that comes out of his mouth is, Why? And then, Tsumu’s in tha next classroom ov’r.
He doesn’t remember what happened next, only Atsumu’s laugh and the slap echoing through the halls. You leave with his cheeks stinging and hot. And Atsumu had teased him the next day, behind his mountain of chocolates and confessions, because Osamu’s face was still red twelve hours later.
He sees you a lot the year after.
You’re in the same class as him and ‘Tsumu, and you smile every time you see him. You sit two rows in front of him and you’re not very good at tying your uniform. Every lunch, Osamu watches you pull out the same gray bento with a wrapped onigiri on the side. He tells you one day that he really likes onigiri. And then, Osamu watches as every lunch, you pull out the same gray bento with two wrapped onigiris on the side.
With you, it’s always Hi Osamu, first, and then, Hullo Atsumu. With you, it’s an onigiri dropped on his desk when the lunch bell rings. With you, Osamu thinks back to a conversation with his Ma on a porch.
Osamu means To Rule.
The menu is this: Tuna mayo on Mondays and Thursdays, Ume on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Friday is plain. You don’t ever bring onigiri for his brother.
He asks you, on a hot night in June, what your favorite type of weather is. You had your knees tucked to your chest, a sparkler in hand, and then told him cloudy. Cold. Foggy. Winter. Snow is nice, too. You say it all with no hesitation.
Osamu kisses you for the first time that night.
It’s New Years and you’re cooking Ozoni on the stove. The curtains are open, it’s snowing outside, and Osamu wakes to the smell of miso and the sound of carrots on a chopping board. He gets out of bed, padding to the kitchen with half-lidded eyes and a stifled yawn, and then he thinks his heart stops when he sees you.
Because what Miya Osamu is not used to is this: coming first and having something unequivocally his.
But you’re bent over the counter, fiddling with the oven as you read the instructions on the back of the packaged Yakimochi you bought the other day. And you’re wearing his shirt, it falls right below your thighs, your hair is still messy from using his chest as a pillow, and you look beautiful.
“Mornin’ ‘Samu, come help me with this.” You say, looking back at him with a smile, pointing to the fresh pot of rice on the counter. “You’re in charge of onigiri.”
He hugs you instead, his arms around your stomach with your back to him.
“But I like yer onigiri,” He says, his chin on your head. His eyes are watering and it must be from the steam of your boiling dashi.
“‘Samu,” You complain, giggling as he presses kisses into the crown of your head. “I made enough for ya in high school.”
It’s cold outside and snowing, and Osamu knows he’s going to make the onigiri.
He also knows that if his name means To Rule, he’s okay with coming second if it means you’re by his side.
#miya osamu#osamu#osamu x reader#miya osamu x reader#osamu fluff#haikyuu x reader#osamu x you#haikyuu fic#haikyu x reader#osamu fic
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