#this is the website of he would not fucking say that

[tojisun]

sugar, spice, everything on ice (hockey au) - camgirl edi!

smut - voyeurism, porn watching, sharing, ambiguous ending; again, this is a non-canon part of sseoi! also ik this scenario is unrealistic but read for the vibes!!!

obsessed with this previous part posted, and can’t stop thinking about how the boys used to chirp at simon for calling his fave cam girl his girl, only for it to end there, anyway.

how johnny was the first to find out when he caught simon listening to your stream like it’s a fucking podcast while he was taping his stick.

it was still too early in the morning for practice, but simon had been out with a minor lower injury and no one was really shocked that he’s the first in the rink when he got his permission from their physio. it was nice to see their A excited to get back on ice because truthfully? they needed him back. the team wasn’t straggling by any means but there’s an obvious difference with simon out which was why johnny found himself just as excited when simon told the group chat the good news, bounding in early for the morning skate too.

there were soft murmurs slipping past the cracked door when he made his way, and johnny pushed through the entrance, expecting maybe someone else with riley — maybe their captain or their coach — but it’s just their A.

and his phone, at full volume and full brightness, showcasing a… porn?

amateur porn, from the looks of it.

“uh?” was all johnny could say.

simon looked up, not even really appearing to be mortified that johnny just walked in on him watching a porn live-stream; the healthy sheen on his face did not even break for an embarrassed blush and, really, johnny started wondering if there was something he was missing.

“hey, mate,” simon greeted, still unaffected and screw it, johnny decided to ignore the wet squelch coming from the phone to reach forward and clap his arms around his friend.

“good to see ye back, man,” johnny said, chuckling. simon rumbled a quiet laugh too, looking pretty pleased and at peace like there’s no raunchy moans rumbling from his speakers—

you know what? fuck it.

“so you pent up in a different way, or?” johnny asked, nodding at the phone.

simon blinked, brows wrinkling in confusion for a second, before clarity washed over him, so obvious that johnny could track the moment he remembered what he had been listening to before johnny walked in.

“oh,” he huffed, shoulders shaking in another burst of quiet chuckles. “y’ve got to see ‘er. fuckin’ beautiful, this one.”

that… was not what johnny expected but he dropped on the cubicle beside simon to peek at his screen. apparently, he glanced at the right time as he watched the way your cunt stretched around the girth of your vibrator, made of glass, and the image you made was so startlingly lewd that johnny couldn’t even help groaning in appreciation too.

simon grins with something akin to pride, like he was telling johnny, “see? what’d i tell you?”

johnny would forget about that day until simon’s blunder of using his public account to blast his feelings for you, his clearly-not-just-pure feelings, made national news. their poor PR and media intern were working overtime to fix simon’s mistake because of course simon did not stop at just retweeting your website’s link while professing how he’s never cum so hard for anyone. no, he had to take it a little farther — he mass liked about fifty posts that you have made in two months time in the span of the three hours since they’ve flown back from tampa.

it was hell; apparently his profile was so thoroughly linked to your own with how active he was within those three hours of liking everything he could, that they suggested he just delete his profile and start anew. johnny doubted he was going to, what with his brand deals and other things, but then you poked back at simon and simon was so enamoured that he just took off the rails and flirted with you publicly.

he was unbelievable. simon was horny and yearning — a weird mix, but one that… worked, apparently, because here you are now, standing before them, all pretty and breathtaking.

johnny can’t even deny that he’s not distracted because, well, because they’ve seen you.

naked.

and getting fucked to the point of snot and tears.

fuck, this was not an easy meet-and-greet.

.

it was difficult to not cross the line when chirping at simon about his new relationship but garrick had been firm with his reminder, staring them down with that downturned tilt of his lips that spoke of no-nonsense. and no one ever wants to disappoint their captain so they steered clear of the obvious, like the fact that they all, at one point, watched your videos because simon just wouldn’t shut up about you. he was damn near close to waxing poetry which would have been cute if, you know, simon did not sound like a pervert who’s clearly whipped for a stranger.

it was funny then. it’s downright petrifying now.

they know more about you than they wished they did, like the fact that your go-to toy when the ejaculating dragon one is in the ‘wash’ is that vibrating dildo that is probably half the girth of johnny’s arm which is to say that it’s fucking thick, but still, you were able to bully all of that in your pussy, whining and mewling, before fucking down on it so hard it was bulging out of the soft pudge of your belly. or how you like having your nipples clamped. or how you have such a thing for oral stuff that you’d deepthroat a dildo while bouncing on another one.

it was a whiplash, going from watching you touch yourself in ways unfathomable to seeing you in front of them, giggling as you and simon share quiet conversations like they’re some sacred things.

fuck.

not even kyle, with his big announcement, could fake normalcy because you were a locker room name. they’ve all recommended different videos to each other — hell, all of them are still in that group chat they made to share links with each other. sure, simon had created it but no one really put it to rest — messages like, “she got anything in [x] cosplay?” or, “saw a short clip of her rubbing her pussy on her washing machine in twitter, does anyone have the full ver?” were getting passed around.

you were the darling girl of the team, and now simon’s got you cuffed.

it was easy to pinpoint the source of tension — the guys want a taste.

johnny stares at you and simon, and the secretive little smiles and heated looks that the two of you are sharing with each other, and realizes that maybe, just maybe, they are allowed it.

[pseudophan]

nora can i just ask… WHAT was he thinking? how was that lie ever going to work when they were doing everything so publicly in 2009? sure you can delete stuff but he must have known it was still out there anyway right? isn’t it pointless to be like i didn’t watch his videos when he was commenting on the interactive adventures like his life depended on it ?? he was trying to convince people he just happened to be in manchester one day with a friend and he just saw phil ???? when we all saw you counting down the days to meeting each other online like WHAT

https://x.com/pinofdnp/status/1855973085771387187?s=46

tweet link (it's one of the infamous 'we met through a mutual friend' claims)

to be fair to them both, if the phandom wasn't as unhinged as it was (is) they could've gotten away with that lie. kind of. dan and phil are hardly pr experts but this isn't really too crazy a move, like yeah the people who know the truth will always know the truth but if you tell a lie enough times then in theory new fans, and people who just never looked into it, are gonna go with your version of events and not question it. the main issue for dan and phil specifically was that their fanbase was essentially built on and around speculation about their relationship and cataloguing any and all proof of it. new fans and casuals often believed the lie at first just because like, why wouldn't they, but the second they stepped foot into the phandom they obviously discovered the not-so-hidden truth, because you didn't have to be a shipper or be looking for Phan Proof in order to come across it, all you had to do is search dan and phil on literally any website with a prominent phannie presence

to their credit they seemed to realise it wasn't gonna work pretty quickly, they abandoned the 'mutual friend' story almost immediately it feels like. then they went with the 'yeah we met online but we met up to collaborate' angle but i kind of feel like they didn't go too hard on that one, probably because they had finally started to learn that Oh My God Say Less Please Say Less Always Say Less Stop Talking Jesus Christ. like by far the most damning part of the clip in the tweet is dan insisting on being like "a lot of people seem to think-" about the actual truth like girl why would you plant that idea in the heads of those who hadn't heard it before. just say you met through a mutual friend and move on like fbsdhjfbdjksf. also at that point they kinda didn't give a fuck anymore, by the time they gave that infamous editing tips interview in 2015 they had long since abandoned trying to convince anyone they didn't meet because dan was an amazingphil fan and desperately wanted to befriend him because of it. the only part they were trying to hide at that point i would say was the whole y'know, fucking and sucking of it all

this whole reply is way too rambly and idk if it makes sense but i guess my point is IF dan and phil had a more casual core viewerbase (and also didn't give up on the lie immediately. and dan was less blatantly defensive about it) they probably could have made it work in the long run, even with the amount of evidence against it. i would go as far as to say that if not every then at least nearly every single influencer/celebrity/public figure of any kind have readily available information about them out there that most people, even fans of theirs, don't know about literally just because they wouldn't think to search for it. like how often does a Major Scandal break about some celeb and some people in the comments are like yea this has been known since 2004 everyone just stopped talking about it, lmao. not that dnp being gay for each other is a scandal but you know what i mean

basically they started telling that lie just as their popularity skyrocketed and i guess the hope was that the massive influx of new people would allow them to rewrite history, but alas...

[gremlin-girly]

Kinktober 19

Kinks: Praise/breeding

The Perfect Jotunn Bride Part 2

Tags/warnings: SMUT, macrophilia (bc he's still a giant), overstimulation, vaginal fingering, p in v, creampie, breeding kink, no beta, Loki (he's a warning), slight dub con, praise (good girl), Spitting, monster fucking (ig), monster cock, stomach bulge, multiple orgasm,

My warnings are non-exhaustive and likely I've missed some, please read at your own risk. And Minors do not interact!!

Summary: Following the night of your husband’s return, Loki finds your notes on the Jotun language and introduces you to a new way of studying.

Word count: TBA (on mobile sorry!)

A/N: did I only have 5 hours sleep and got back from work two hours ago? Yes. Did my phone post a fic I'm working on before it was ready again? Also yes. I'm very tired... so the mistakes are aplenty (probably). I'll fix them later (probably).

Translations are at the end! I used this little website so I apologise in advance if there are mistakes!

Part 1 | Part 2 (you're here!)

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Loki was awake before sunrise. The memories of the night before flitted in and out of his brain as he held your small form in his arms. You looked peaceful in this state; a welcome change from the worried, fearful or angry looks you usually sported.

Loki did consider pulling you tighter to him but didn't want to risk stirring you from your slumber, knowing you would likely be in a foul mood after the events of last night. His ruby eyes flitted to the corset in tatters next to the bed, making a mental note to get another that would fit a little better and look as equally beautiful.

After half an hour, he removed himself from you with a sigh, careful to keep from waking you. He'd not had chance to investigate you what you'd been working on and, after setting the fire alight, he reached for the nearest notebook you had left strewn on the floor, flicking through the pages.

Some of the script is random notes but other parts are words and phrases in Jotun, with colourful translations in Asgardian next time them. An unfamiliar warmth blossoms in Loki’s chest as he looks between your dreaming form and your notes, but a wicked smirk quickly appears as his plans for the morning change.

Loki treads back to the bed, re-taking his place next to you, discarding your notebook lazily to drape his arm over your waist.

“Wife,” Loki punctuates the word with a nuzzle into your neck, making you stir. Your eyes flutter and then you blink a few times, brows furrowing as you wake. Memories of the previous night crash through your brain and your eyes fly open fully, face flushing as you look over to your husband lying beside you with a mischevious gleam in his red eyes.

“Wife," He says again, voice low. "Have you been trying to learn Jotun?"

You attempt to gather the bed sheets around you, swamping yourself in warmth amd protection, but Loki’s giant cold arm prevents it. He instead looks down at you, waiting patiently for your response. Slowly, you nod your head.

"You know I can help teach you.” Loki murmurs into your ear. "And I can make it fun."

Your head tilts back slightly, eyes wide and Loki drinks in the sight. Your chest is heaving under the covers and your face is bright red at the thought of what fun Loki could possibly have in mind for you.

"Loki," You breathe. "Last night-"

"You were exquisite, wife." Loki’s eyes bore into yours and you feel as if you're shrinking, however, your body betrays you by making heat pool between your thighs at his praise. "And I want more. Especially now, knowing you've been learning my tongue."

“You’re so busy – I couldn’t ask you to-“

“We can start right now,” he purrs, his large hand tugging away the covers, exposing your naked form. Loki's tongue drags across his lips, and you remember just how well he'd teased you with it the night before and you shiver. "I'd forgo any amount of royal duties if it meant being buried in your sweet cunt."

You can't stop the short gasp that bubbles out of your throat and your eyes widen. You heart is running circuits, blood rushing heat everywhere. Loki’s words leave you skin like gooseflesh, your nipples pebbling at the thought despite your thoughts of him. You didn't even want to think of the way your pussy throbbed.

Loki seems to enjoy the sight before him, knowing you want more of last night's activities and knowing the effect his words have on your delicate Asgardian body. He runs his hand upwards to cup at one of your breasts rolling and tweaking at your nipple gently and you fight back moans.

"Does my wife like that idea?" He taunts in a whisper. "Being split open by your husband? You already wear my mark."

His chilled thumb runs over the love bite he'd left on the top of your breast the night before and he eyes it proudly. His eyes flicker to yours for a moment before he presses his face against yours, the heat of your skin warming his own.

Your own small hands inch up his strong arm that's holding you down, eyes quietly pleading but for what you weren't sure.

"Loki." You murmur to him as he nips at the sensitive skin on your neck.

“I’m going to say things to you in your Asgardian tongue and you will repeat it in Jotun for me.” Loki’s tone doesn't leave any room for argument and your chest heaves with a mixture of nerves and excitement. "Each correct answer will be rewarded.”

You press your legs together as another wave of heat flushes through you and try to look anywhere but at Loki as your cheeks redden with sudden shyness. Loki smirks and trails kisses along your shoulder and chest.

"Isn't that a good idea?" Loki lips gently kiss over your breasts, his cold tongue licking playfully at your pebbled nipples. “Don’t worry, we will start easy.”

Easy was numbers. Loki held you close to his side  to murmur numbers to you in Asgardian, ensuring you couldn’t move away. His free hand trailed over your body softly, at first.  After each answer he would shower you with praises, often giving piece of soft, warm flesh a squeeze before continuing to trail your sides again. Each time he’d squeeze, you found yourself making small noises, and by the time you had reached the number ten, you found yourself agreeing that this was  a far better way to learn than through children's books and notes.

When you reached fifteen, Loki’s fingers trailed down to your sex and tapped your clit, making you jolt in his arms. He continued to draw small, tight circles around the bundle of nerves to ensure you continued to whimper and grow more and more pliant.

“Good girl,” he cooed, kissing the top of your hair. “Isn’t this nice? Being rewarded for your good behaviour? Smart little wife.”

You can feel the dampness leaking from your core as Loki works his ministrations on your clit and you mewl into his shoulder, gripping his arm so hard your fingers ached. The brashness of your own sounds make you flood with shyness and shame. You were loving all of this newfound attention from Loki, even if you knew you shouldn't be.

When you reached twenty you were red faced and panting into Loki’s chest. He'd been horrifically slow saying the numbers, prolonging his torture of your clit. He knew exactly how to draw you to the edge and keep you there, before giving you moments of respite before bringing you right back to that edge. You were beginning to see stars and your pussy ached around nothing. You'd considered begging for his fingers, begging for some relief, but when your half-lidded, lust-glistened eyes met his you knew you'd get something far better than his fingers.

 "You've done so well for me, smăr einn." Loki says shifting to cage you against the mattress with his arms. His knees push your legs apart with ease and you gasp loudly when you feel the tip of his cock brush along your inner thigh. "Are you ready for your reward?"

When you nod Loki says dramatically. "Words, wife. Use your words." He sits back on his haunches and your eyes grow wide at the massive length standing tall between his legs. You swallow thickly, wondering how he'd manage to squeeze in to you... and your cunt flutters at the thought. Loki smirks down at you, pumping his cock a few times and then spitting onto your sensitive clit. "You know how much I like to hear you beg. Let me hear you say how much you want your husband."

Your voice dies in your throat when Loki runs the head of his thick cock from your spit covered clit, all the way down to your wet hole. He nudges it testingly with a curious look and you squeak a gasp. Your pussy flutters again and you can't think of anything else other than him being inside you.

"Come on wife," Loki teases with an edge of impatience. He taps his cock against your clit, watching you writhe beneath him in pleasure. "Imagaine how good it'll feel being full of my cum."

"Líka!" You cry out in Jotun, surprising both you and Loki; whose heart thuds harder in his chest. "Líka maðr!"

"Fast, wif." Loki huffs, rolling his hips slowly into yours. Your mouth is an open scream as Loki pushes into your tight hole, your pussy immediately constricting around his cock. Loki sighs, reaching a hand to toy with your clit again. You jerk at the sensation, his cool skin against your scorching heat never ceases to make your pussy wet.

You whimper as Loki’s cock finally reaches its hilt and Loki makes a loud, gravelly groan.

"Look at how well you take me," Loki urges, his voice breathless. His other hand goes to knead your breasts and your eyes flutter, glancing down. Loki’s hips are slotted between yours, his cock buried inside you as promised, but above where his hand rolls your clit, there's an obvious bulge.

Your pussy spasms at the sight, and Loki grins down at you, slowly moving his hips backwards and then forwards, allowing you to adjust to his size.

"Loki." You keen, heaving breaths beneath him. "I- fuck."

Loki huffs a chuckle, dragging his cock out before plunging back into your pussy. He'd been correct before, he'd gladly avoid royal duties to have you splayed out like this on his cock. You curse louder than before, almost screaming and gripping the covers beside you; Loki would have been concerned if your legs didn't spread wider and your cunt didn't gush the way it did over his cock. Spurred on to move faster, Loki picks up the pace, continuing to lavish your breasts and clit with attention that makes your eyes roll.

"You're doing so well," Loki pants. "Such a good girl for your husband. I can't wait to see my seed drip from your pretty little cunt."

Your walls clench down around Loki and he curses. He moves his arms forwards, interlacing his fingers with yours before leaning down, pressing you into the bed as he fucks into you.

"My wife," Loki growls into your neck. You're a moaning mess under him, but you manage to turn your face towards his; your lips kissing haphazardly until you find his lips. Loki’s hips stutter and his moan is smothered by your lips - the first true kiss you'd given him unprompted, unlike the forced kisses he'd managed to manipulate from you at your wedding or for social aspect but a real, genuine kiss.

"My husband," you whisper hoarsely back, breath hitching three octaves as another orgasm crashes through your body. "Loki!"

Loki grunts, his fingers almost crushing yours as your pussy to squeeze him tight and he pumps you full of his cream.

You're completely fucked out and breathless, your eyes flutter when you feel a cool hand against your flushed cheek turn your head and your heart stammers when Loki presses a sweet kiss against your lips.

"You were amazing," he whispers, brushing away hair that's stuck to your sweat-sheened face. "I think we should study a few times each day."

You give him a lopsided, cock-drunk grin; the first genuine smile you'd ever given him. "That sounds good to me."

---

Translations:

Smăr einn - Little One

Líka - Please

Maðr - husband

fast - certainly

[coffee-at-annies]

But Pittsburgh was open spelled without the h in its early days as a city, no? I suspect the tweet writer was incorporating that knowledge into their joke about ye olden dayes

Nah. I think the person spelled it wrong. There’s several cities named Pittsburg so spellcheck won’t catch it and it’s twitter, people don’t give a shit about historical accuracy they care about making a quick joke and staying under the character limit.

[ratshells]

I do not trust Leander w the information about the MC’s hands like at all!! like, I just figured that the information about the hands was payment for the room because knowledge is currency and whatever but… other than that… what is he going to do w that information. Because if you do Vere’s little route, he says that word about your hands can easily get you locked up or killed like him. And Leander is the only one who knows what you’re capable of.. and has shown his manipulative side (multiple times),, so what is keeping him from using the hands thing as a “gotcha” for the mc to keep them from ruining his reputation (bc you know damn well you’re gonna see something unsavory w him bc there’s no way he’s not doing some fuck ass shit on the low). like idk i think that telling Leander of all people this info will bite the mc in the ass somehow.

[mainalias]

thinking about compiling screenshots of golden/silver age batman exclusively calling dick his ward to combat the allegations that it was “initially a father-child relationship”

[anotherpapercut]

literally feel insane seeing people blame 3rd party voters already and not the party that has been pushing away voters for YEARS by absolutely refusing to do anything that might actually help them get and retain votes. you people are delusional and you're actively helping to push the democratic party to the right. so thank you for making a bad situation worse

[biblicalhorror]

My relationship with my mom has come such a long way in the past few years only to come crashing down the second I try to do something nice for my dad and/or acknowledge that she is not the main character of the universe ://

[laniidae-passerine]

I’m finding that the laziest moments of Doctor Who’s writing are the ‘retroactive twists’ - when the show runner reveals something happened way back over there, in the past, before they were even running the show. And we swear it happened, way over there, far back, and you didn’t see it because of reasons but it’s definitely been happening! And it totally makes sense and I absolutely didn’t just pull it out my ass to justify my paper thin plotline! All this kind of writing does is make me miss self contained season length plots. We’ve had people complaining that Moffat was guilty of the “this thing is big and scary and it’s going to happen, oh god it’s showing up, we’re going to discover what it truly is….. next season!!!!!!” plotline (and yes. he was. twelve is my fav doctor but yeah Moffat loved a mysterious horse and a big stick) but now suddenly when RTD gets out his own mysterious horse and a big stick, it’s got to be genius! everything is eventually going to make sense! and we’re absolutely not being had by a man who used to be able to write this show and is now a hack!

[glitch-in-the-code]

I’ll be honest, twitters lack of understanding of the canon fnaf lore pisses me off

[anxietyrobot]

begging gf fandom to understand what the hell a writing process is

[scarlet-came-back-wrong]

Just found a conservative website with pretty detailed reviews of Dracula adaptations and the 1979 movie was described as "This movie is what happens when hippies take control of the production." I can't take literally anything about this adaptation seriously and this line still made me go "yes.jpg"

It turns out that my longtime suspicions were correct: James Hart was inspired to write his screenplay that eventually became Coppola's movie by Langella's performance, just not in the movie but the play it was based on. The 1979 movie itself was also inspired by the said performance, which makes Langella a much more important figure in the development of the Dracula myth that I initially thought. Which is quite ironic considering that his movie is quite obscure now in comparison with many other Dracula adaptations.

[reflectionsofgalaxies]

tomorrow is my first day of classes as I go back to school for the first time in eight years and my family has picked today to blow up at each other and drag me into it

[acesammy]

ok.. you think Sam bloodfreak winchester would have the normal tumblr???? Sam really into true crime winchester???? Sam dabbles in witchcraft winchester?????? Sam would be like ‘I actually don’t think the Winchesters were that bad :/’ and the next comment would be ‘op steals bones btw’

[verdiesque]

Considering the extent to which I don't give a fuck about Don Giovanni I sure do have a lot of opinions about it

[flovverworks]

after a billion yrs i added a lil line about my gbf verse.....<3 one day i might flesh it out to something in-universe, but since gbf is so "oh ure from another world? ya that happens..." i....am gonna keep w that..........(also cuz i do think discussing the different ways of magic, moon-enemy & this n that is more fun like this