#by the way love friendship and a lot of blood was needed to free him

[wishwandrers]

thycius' first life of him being some wealthy, snooty guy who only wore the finest furs with his fingers decorated in rings not even bothering to look commoners in the eye vs his final life of him of being a sacrifical bride to a god who cursed him to live for eternity* only to be freed with the power of love ans friendship

*cursed to die and be reborn while forgetting he's cursed every time he starts a new life

[deecotan]

🌱 Deeco's ZoSan Fic Rec List 🐥

Hello hello! This is going to be a slight rework for my zosan fic rec list, because I wanted to re-organize it and add some new fics while I'm at it, so this is going to be longer than the first. Feel free to check it out!

Latest update: November 2023

Because I started making this list long before August 2023, I won't add any fics that specifically take place in live-action setting because I haven't read much of them yet. I might consider updating this list to add fics with live-action setting in the future.

—GEN/T FICS

Sketches of Life (and Love) by Fledgling (Teen, 2.9k)

An exploration of a headcanon where Sanji likes to draw in his free time. This fic always leaves me with a warm feeling every time I read it because how endearingly sweet it is. It’s basically a domestic fluff story about both ZoSan and the Strawhats crew in general.

green with envy blues by adietxt (Gen, 1.5k)

A cute fic about Zoro being jealous. Jealous!Zoro has been one of those tropes that make me screech like a feral animal every time I come across it and this fic does exactly that. It’s pretty short and simple but it captures the characters very well. It’s set during pre-timeskip which makes it even better to me because pre-TS Zoro possesses that boyish quality that post-TS Zoro doesn’t necessarily have anymore.  OTHER FICS FROM THIS AUTHOR: Fuck, Marry, Kill (or, how Usopp becomes the best matchmaker of the sea without really trying) (Teen, 4.8k) — Usopp introduces the Strawhats to a game that ends up causing Sanji to overthink things - a lot of things.

Old Men Blues by postmoderne (Gen, 2k)

Quoting directly from the fic’s summary, “Sanji and Zoro: two ancient fucks (in love).” because this is exactly that, a story about old men ZoSan. Old Zoro and old Sanji are both still as stubborn as ever and it’s endearing. OTHER FICS FROM THIS AUTHOR: Something Golden (Teen, 1.6k) — Canon reimagining where Zoro met Sanji at the Baratie pre-series.

Meet me under the orange tree by candelina (Gen, 3.9k)

A canon divergence AU where Zoro and Sanji met as kids, as Zeff opened up Baratie in Zoro’s hometown. It’s an adorable and heartwarming story of little Zoro and little Sanji’s friendship. There’s also a part two which is also worth reading. OTHER FICS FROM THIS AUTHOR: The whole world will know (2.3k) — Old men ZoSan fic, this one involves Zoro deliberately showing himself to the Marines for god knows what. It’s sweet, it’s beautiful, and it shows that Zoro is as reckless and idiotic as he is a loving, devoted husband.

Zoro’s Boyfriend, Who Lives In Canada by donutsandcoffee (Gen, 2.6k)

Modern AU, where Zoro’s friends try to stop him from believing that his imaginary, totally made-up boyfriend actually exists. Of course Zoro’s boyfriend doesn’t actually exist, because with the way Zoro describes him he’s way too perfect to exist and how can anyone so perfect actually exist? A hilarious story of misunderstandings.  OTHER FICS FROM THIS AUTHOR: Prison Blues (Teen, 2.8k) and it’s a long way forward (Teen, 5k) — serve as both a ZoSan story and a great Sanji character study. 

The Three of Swords by 8ball (Teen, 30k, multi-chapters & completed)

A medieval AU with knight Zoro and prince Sanji, a concept that starts to really grow on me after I begin to read this fic. In this story, Zoro is a cursed knight appointed to serve Sanji, a kind-hearted prince whom Zoro eventually pines over. It’s a beautiful take of prince and knight AU; devoted knight Zoro is something that I didn’t know I need. It also has a sequel.  OTHER FICS FROM THIS AUTHOR: The Ocean's Child series — a canon-divergence mermaid!Sanji AU

(I Want) Someone to Love Me by three_days_late (Teen, 7.9k)

Sanji is about to turn 17, so he hopes that he can get his first kiss before that. A cute high school AU that involves everyone wanting to kiss Sanji (honestly, who doesn’t) but only one person gets to actually do it.  OTHER FICS FROM THIS AUTHOR: Blood Red (Teen, 400 words) — this might be a little biased because this fic is inspired by my comic, but it’s also a perfectly good reason why I must add it here; this fic is able to capture the spirit of the comic perfectly. If you want to read a short exposition of Zoro showing his darker, yet protective side, then this fic is worth the read. Warning for blood & hints of violence. The Christmas Swap (Teen, 37k, multi-chapters & completed) — a modern AU in which Sanji and Reiju switch partners during Christmas so they can attend their family gathering without having to come out as queer. It’s a wonderful story about family, relationships, and the struggles of maintaining those things as a queer person. The Only Way Out (Is Through) (Teen, 4.8k) — a beautiful Prince Sanji and Knight Zoro story, where circumstances forced them to separate & unable to be together. It also has a side Nami/Vivi. I Have Loved You for 1000 Years (I'll Love You for 1000 More) (Teen, 8.9k) — Another Prince Sanji & Knight Zoro AU involving time travel & the sacrifices you go through for the ones you love.

Curly Angel by APTX & translated to English by NMTD (Teen, 9.4k, two chapters & completed)

In this alternative canon universe, everyone has a guardian angel, and Zoro’s just happened to be Sanji. Hilarity ensues.

Let me be your Inspiration by TheWanderers (Teen, 19.8k)

College AU where Sanji is an artist/painter - another fic that explores Sanji as someone with an artistic streak, but also so much more. It’s a beautiful story that starts out with Zoro having to model for Sanji’s painting but ends up falling in love with him. I love the way the author adapts the characters’ canon backstory into this universe.

Retrogade by Hazel_Athena (Teen, 21.9k, two-chapters & completed)

Sanji got badly injured after a fight, and ends up losing a big chunk of memories - it doesn’t bother him too much until he notices how weird Zoro starts to act around him. A really good temporary amnesia fic with some really delicious pining!Zoro material. OTHER FICS FROM THIS AUTHOR: Medieval ZoSan series — a medieval arranged marriage AU. Renegade Queen (Teen, 76k, multi-chapters & completed) — a canon divergent AU where Sora lives and takes all her children with her - it's more of a Vinsmoke family story with ZoSan on the side.

Nothing Happened (Gen, 16k, multi-chapters & completed)

An angsty survival story where the Strawhats get stranded in a middle of the seas with no means to escape and rapidly declining food stock. This fic does a really good job at keeping you in suspense, and the way it handles Zoro and Sanji's relationship destroyed me emotionally. OTHER FICS FROM THIS AUTHOR: Each A Love Song (Gen, 8.6k) — Sanji is frustrated because Zoro’s surprisingly popular with women when he doesn’t even like them back. A story of a confused Sanji trying to find love and being the World’s Most Oblivious Man. Three Blades (Gen, 5k) — a Western AU where Sanji is a saloon owner and Zoro is a bounty hunter.

The Melody of Missing You by BleuReivers (Teen, 11k)

Zoro is forced to confront his feelings in the aftermath of Sanji's departure during the Whole Cake Island arc. I love the way this story examines Zoro's softer, more vulnerable side in a painfully beautiful way, and the whole fic has this hazy, dream-like vibe that really fits with the plot.

Sick Day by Styx_in_the_mud (Teen, 1.3k)

Zoro gets sick, and Sanji takes care of him. A short sick!fic with a simple premise but very cute nonetheless.

—MATURE/EXPLICIT FICS

Deep by CharlieNozaki (Mature, 171k, multi-chapters & completed)

This is There Are Many Benefits to Being A Marine Biologist: The Fic. Okay jokes aside, this is a modern fantasy AU fic where merpeople exist and it mainly tells about marine biologist Sanji and merman Zoro. It has an interesting premise and deals with some heavy subjects in later chapters, hence the Mature tag. It has a sequel, though it's currently ongoing. OTHER FICS FROM THIS AUTHOR: The Game — a Modern AU with slight fantasy-ish element, where Zoro and Sanji are young orphans who find a mysterious game that might be able to change their lives.

Delphinium by toastie_bread (Mature, 39k, multi-chapters & completed)

Set in modern AU, stylist Sanji meets with police detective Zoro after his beauty salon got robbed; a cute rom-com story. There's also a side LawLu.

Steady, As She Goes by auspizien (Explicit, 155k, multi-chapters & completed)

I’ve always loved auspizien’s fics and this is the one fic that made me fall in love with their writing. This is a modern AU story where Zoro is an ex-agent with PTSD who meets and befriends Sanji, a paramedic. It’s a multi-chapter fic filled with humor, angst, pining, action, and good ol’ slow-burn.  OTHER FICS FROM THIS AUTHOR: The Android Acquaintance (Explicit, 10k) — dystopian cyberpunk AU with android Sanji and bounty hunter Zoro. This fic partly inspires me to make the Blade Runner 2049 ZoSan art!

The Tribulations of Temptation by SweetyGreeny (Explicit, 18.5k)

Zoro accidentally sees Ace and Sanji doing… the do, and then spends days after that feeling shocked, confused, angry, and disappointed.  A delicious story of pining and jealous Zoro. There’s a slight AceSan in the beginning but the endgame is still ZoSan.   OTHER FICS FROM THIS AUTHOR: A Siren’s Sinking Song (Teen, 12k) — a canon-divergent AU where Sanji is a siren who one day meets a peculiar swordsman from a wandering ship; this story is beautiful and I love the idea of siren!Sanji, but please note the major character death TW.  The Burden of Blondes (Explicit, 11k) — Sanji finds out that Zoro has a thing for blondes, and for some reason he feels uneasy. A fun story with some good smut, and inspired me to make an art loosely based on it.

Thy Fearful Symmetry by Harubo (Explicit, 14.3k)

A modern AU where Sanji is a tourist visiting a tiger reserve during a family vacation and Zoro is a detective investigating a poaching ring. All of Harubo’s fics are godsend but I particularly love this one because the setting reads like a perfect rom-com drama movie about a stressed, overworked chef meeting a handsome detective. There’s also a nice tidbit where the Vinsmoke siblings are trying to get along with each other.

Done Dirt Cheap by Balderdashfromafool (Explicit, 99.7k, multi-chapters & completed)

A Western ZoSan AU, where Zoro is an outlaw and Sanji is a small town chef. This one is fun and lovely, and as someone who doesn’t read a lot of Western-themed stories, I love the way the author describes the Western setting in this fic. 

The Fox's Heart by Shadowcatxx (Explicit, 32k, multi-chapters & completed)

Historical/mythological AU where fox spirit Sanji falls in love with human samurai Zoro. A pretty heavy story about forbidden romance but ends with a happy ending. The fic deals with some period-typical issues like homophobia, misogyny, sexism, and transphobia, as well as some depictions of violence and (slight) animal abuse, so please be aware of that.

Mine by burnwaywardbird (Explicit, 4k)

A pure PWP fic of Zoro “punishing” Sanji for flirting with strangers. Super kinky and involves slight dom/sub undertones. Also, while this is mostly pure PWP, this fic is technically part of a series and while can be read as a standalone, I highly recommend to read the other parts as well (especially the ones preceding this fic).

pretty sanji series (Pretty & Surprise) by kickingsanji (12.6k in total)

A series of fics exploring Sanji's femininity and Zoro discovering that he has a thing for Sanji being pretty & wearing pretty things. As a Pretty Sanji truther, I love these fics to bits, not only because it handles Sanji dealing with his insecurities when it comes to his gender expression in a gentle, respectful way, but also because the smut is very good.

All Will be Well by thecrownofclowns (Explicit, 17k)

An incredibly sad but sweet zombie apocalypse AU about Sanji trying to survive the zombie outbreak all by himself, before eventually meeting Zoro. One of my favorite hurt/comfort fics.

—OMEGAVERSE (ALPHA/BETA/OMEGA) FICS

Onigiri by himaaneko (Teen, 2.3k)

Very cute domestic family fic of Zoro, Sanji, and their son. For those who prefers a softer omegaverse with family/love-children fluff on the side, this fic is for you.

Bite Me by Shadowcatxxx (Mature, 15k, two-chapters & completed)

Sanji got attacked while he was alone on the ship, causing him to go into heat. Zoro tries to help, but not without consequences. An exposition on how Zoro and Sanji handle their dynamics, and their feelings towards each other. Please mind the tags with this one.

fever by adietxt (Explicit, 6.4k, multi-chapters & completed)

I'm pretty sure that this is the first omegaverse ZoSan story that I have ever read, and one of the best ones I've ever read for a good reason. It involves Sanji, who suddenly got into his heat, and Zoro, the first one to discover Sanji in heat and learns for the first time he's an omega. I won't spoil anything, but I can say that the ending is great, the porn is delicious, and Zoro being possessive is exquisite.

Steps of Calidity by auspizien (Explicit, 42k, multi-chapters & completed)

I'm gonna preface this by saying that the smut here is ungodly good and very, very hot - and to be perfectly honest, one of the main reasons why I like this fic so much. But the plot is just as good and has an interesting take of how omegaverse dynamics might work in a modern world. Don't forget to mind the tags as well.

Sweet by ElAlmaDelMar (Explicit, 1.8k)

Sanji starts lactating during his pregnancy; Zoro finds it very hot. This one is just straight up kinky. It's a sequel to another story but can be read as a standalone.

[kirbyluvr63]

Some Thoughts™

About art, desire and John Lennon

If you're active on the Twitter side of The Beatles fandom you'd know that just yesterday a collage John made for Paul titled "I Only Have Eyes For You" made the rounds and scared people whom, I guess, don't think about visual arts very often. Unfortunately I don't use the word "scared" lightly. People really used the words "disturbing" and "concerning" to describe this piece, with a hint of a "What was Lennon thinking about our poor Paul to make this with him in mind" sentiment that I don't think it's quite fair.

I tried to search more about this collage´s context, but all I could find (without having to buy Julian Lennon's book in which the image was featured) was that it was made in the 50s, while John was still at art college, but to be quite frank, I don't think the exact date matters too much.

What I see in this image first and foremost is desire, plain and simple. Red is a sexual colour, we have naked women sprawled, the head with its mouth open in a orgasm-like fashion, the eyes symbolizing voyeurism. If anything, as a friend of mine also pointed out while we discussed it, this collage is proof of the way John and Paul were so close they were even free to be honest about their sexual desires to one another. Even if the collage was made for another purpose and gifted to Paul later, this sentiment still stands, because Paul was the person he thought would receive this part of himself with open arms.

Is the collage "disturbing"? I guess, in a way. The same way I think growing up in the 40s and 50s in a hyper-convervative protestant society like England and discovering yourself would be disturbing. Even more if you're not entirely straight as an arrow. But I don't think John's talking about this here. This is about his feelings for the opposite sex, and they weren't always nice. Red is also the colour of blood and guts, John was also known for having violent outbursts. Would it not disturb you that the object of your desire also brings up in you violence? I don't think we'll ever know why he felt that way, but here we see that he's aware of it. At least I think so.

I saw another analysis of this collage that somewhat agreed with me, but presented this argument as if this was a bad thing? I don't know exactly what made me think this way, maybe the verbiage, but I'll never think a person exploring the nature of their desire, be it disturbing or not, is wrong. Of course domestic violence is bad and I'm in no way excusing it, but if you're willing to engage with The Beatles, you have to bear in mind they were shitty to the women in their lives in varying degrees much like every man ever in general, and specially at that time.

As a self proclaimed John Lennon Scholar i.e. I Wanna Crack Open His Skull And Look At His Brain With A Microscope, I'm happy this exists, and I think I need a little more time with it myself.

All of this to say: I like it, I think John Lennon was a good visual artist and stop being weird about art.

To lighten up the mood, look at the gay as hell collage John made for Elton in 1975! This one deserved its own post with a lot of tin hatting on my part, but whatever! I love them so much (and yes, I WILL find a way to mention their friendship in every post I make, shut up. One day the Lennon/John masterpost will come).

[gwenfr]

I just made myself sad thinking that maybe everybody in the show thinks Tommy is cool because of his numerous hobbies but in reality for him it's just a means to fight the loneliness 😔

Tommy has the time to have so many hobbies, because he doesn't have a family or close friends to spend his free time with...

We don't see other characters have so many hobbies and they all have a family to take care of or friends to spend time with.

In just a few episodes, we learnt and personally saw that Tommy has a lot of hobbies (flying, martial arts, basketball, movies, cars, trivia etc...) and doesn't have a close "family" (either be a blood family or a work family, he said it himself), maybe he make sure to have his free time occupied to not feel the loneliness in his mind and in his home...

He apparently sees family and friends as really important, he said it himself twice that he wished he had such close coworkers/friends/family, and he also just prove it in just the few episodes of season 7 where we saw him risk his life for coworkers he didn't talk with that much anymore, spending time and sharing hobbies with a man he just met (Eddie), going to the apartment of Buck, a man he barely knew just to see if he was okay, coming straight up after a big fire to be here for his boyfriend but also his friend's wedding etc...

We say that Eddie looked so happy to have a new friend but Tommy was too for sure, his smile and body language when Eddie arrives at harbor or when he is with him at the basketball court says it all.

We can even think back to years ago when Tommy wanted to be accepted in the "boys club" by Gerrard and Sal etc... Maybe he wanted to not feel excluded because of his sexual orientation but surely he also wanted to just have friends and finally have a real connection with someone, something he didn't have with his real family and apparently not with the army too. But then he must have finally have that with chimney and hen but not with his new coworker at harbor. Not that he don't like them but sometimes you need more, and like he said he wanted a family like the 118 is. So maybe after leaving the 118, and not being as much close to chimney and hen than he was, and not feeling a family bond with harbor, he began some new hobbies to fill the lack of a social life...

And maybe that's why, during him and Buck conversation before their first kiss, he looked a little surprised when Buck said he found him so cool and that he wanted the harbor tour just to get to know him and was surprised when Buck admit to trying to get his attention. Maybe it's because he began to wonder if Buck wanted more than friendship but I also think that the look in Tommy eyes makes him look sad at first (and I know it's maybe just a Lou thing) so maybe it's also because he doesn't understand Buck... Why would this man soooo surrounded by love, the most important thing in the world for Tommy, think having hobbies is that important ? For Tommy having hobbies is just a means to not feel the loneliness and not something he does to be cool or get other people's attention.

It's also something that differentiates him from Buck. Buck clearly loves to know things and will learn from books and the internet but never actively practice any related activities (at least not that I can remember, tell me if I'm wrong) because he doesn't have time to, his free time mostly being taken by spending it with his sister and brother in law, his niece, his close friends, Eddie and Christopher etc...

But now that Tommy and Buck are together, they can complement each other and Buck already had to spend time enjoying some new hobbies with Tommy like muay Thai and flying and Tommy isn't lonely anymore so he can enjoy more of his free time with the friends and family he wished for.

Tommy's hobbies are still a means to fight the loneliness but not in a way to keep his mind out of it but in a way to just spend time with his loved ones.

(I don't know maybe it's a reach ?...)

[torialefay]

this may be kind of an unusual question so feel free to ignore it, but i tend to make lots of links and associations of concepts/situations with music and stuff and so i'm curious, what are some songs that you'd pick to describe what it would be like to be in a relationship with chan? or some songs that suit his placements (for example, i think work song by hozier is peak scorpio venus devotion level haha)

okay i LOVE this question!!! (also currently in a hozier phase so i love that you brought up that song.) if you have any other recs, pls send them my way, but here's some that had come to mind:

✨🎶 Dating Channie Sounds Like 🎶✨

the friendship/relationship stage:

i don't think it's just me who thinks that chan is gonna have to know & be friends with someone before progressing to a romantic relationship. i think he could definitely pine over someone for a while and be too scared to say anything. and then if something DID happen between the two of you, you would have to hide it for a pretty longgg time. that's why i chose these 2 songs :)

• human - dodie ft tom walker ✨

• hush hush - the band camino✨

actual committed relationship phase:

• medicine - royal sugar ✨ this gives me such new-relationship, pent-up sexual tension vibes. this man would not be able to stop thinking ab you sexually when you first get together... 100%. sex w/ him is likely initially more fun, like in this song, but once he gets to KNOW you, it gets wayyyy deeper

• tenerife sea - ed sheeran ✨ this one might be a cop-out bc chan has sung it multiple times on channie's room but i couldn't NOT put it in here. moving past the superficial, this song paints such a new, mesmerizing love story. you are elated you finally found your person.

• mess is mine - vance joy ✨ i'm sorry but the lyrics "this body is yours and mine" & "now your mess is mine" is so channie-coded to me. he is offering himself up to you. anything you want from him is yours & he will take on all of your hurt

• fire and the flood AND lay it on me - vance joy ✨ these were just so all-encompassing, i couldn't not include them. you become the most consuming part of his life. he quite literally can't go a day without thinking of you and how fucking attached his heart is to yours. you are his everything and only thing. "i always feel you in my blood" & "your love's always finding me out."

• until you - ahi ✨ this song isn't as relevant NOW, but it really throws me into a pre-debut channie love story tbh. bless his little heart 💔 i couldn't NOT include it bc it's still beautiful.

• anointed - miguel AND religion - lana del rey ✨ these have the same purpose, so i'm including them together. when channie is truly in love with you, he won't fuck you- he fucking worships you. well, you worship each other in the bedroom. and i feel this a million times. he needs something deeper and he needs to feel consumed in it. praising each other until you physically have no stamina left in your body.

tough times/drifting apart/ fights:

sorry but i had to add a couple of angsty songs that i could totally see playing out in a relationship w channie </3

• fleeting love - royal sugar ✨ i 100% see this song being about your struggles with a long distance relationship. not being able to work anything out, but also not being able to let them go. "in the elevator with your passport... goodbye is 10 floors down." you just want him so badly, but you don't know you can do this. you were so happy to have him, even if just for a little bit.

• berenstein - the band camino ✨ chan always talks about alternate universes, so i had to add this one in. the line "at another place in time, you were infinitely mine," it makes me think so much about if you were perfect with channie, and you both knew that... but you simply couldn't be with him because of his idol life. but you knew that somewhere out there in a parallel universe, he wasn't an idol, and you were together like you were meant to be :((((

bonus song:

this song reminds me SO MUCH of chris. the first time i heard it, i instantly thought of him. it isn't a love song by any means, it just makes me think of him && his life/all he's been through ❤️

• time's eyes - riley pearce ✨

if anyone has a song they automatically think of with channie, pls pls pls let me knowwww!!!

[vi-x3n]

His Sunflower

Kenji Sato x reader

By: cxdename_angel

You are very known for following your big brother's footsteps claiming the title as "Little Giant" by your teammates (due to your small height in the team) but your classmates your fans in and out the school calls you "Sunflower" for being the most cheerful ball of sunshine around. You were very... Very hyper, talented, and a happy-go-lucky on your team.

Studying in Niyama Girls High was like a dream, just like your big brother you pursued to ace and get yourself a scholarship when you approach college.

You live in an apartment complex with your big brother (Shōyō Hinata) in Miyagi prefecture. You two were basically two peas in a pod.

Your life turned brighter when you met a guy who's also a sporty one just like you in different school... Sato Kenji, you found him buying a water from a vending machine that doesn't work. Good thing you were there. Otherwise he'll go start shake and kick the poor vending machine.

"Oh, that one doesn't work. " you spoke out, he looked up at you, realizing he needs to look down. His head tilt in confusion and blinked. "A kid?" He muttered. That made you shriek mentally. BUT IM NOT THAT FUCKING SMALL?!! That made you sulk on the side making him sweatdrop. "I'm a teen for crying out loud! " you said, that made him laugh wholeheartedly and snorts.

"Alright, I'm sorry. " he grins and looked back at the vending machine. That made you stand up and spoke. "The machine doesn't work today, here I think you're thirsty I bought extra water from the store today. " she smiles. That made him perked up, a small teen? Offering him water? That's new. He gently takes it from your hand and smiles charmingly. "Thank you-? " his purple void eyes stared at her bright and lively ones. "[Last name], [Your name].." She smiles at him, her eyes gazing at him the soft ambience of the train station and people minding their own business is like straight out from a shojo manga.

"And you?" You asked waiting for his answer.

"Sato, Kenji."

After that encounter, you and Kenji had been seeing a lot (as friends bc I don't go that too much fast) in the train station after school, you found out he's playing baseball at his school, and you told him about yours.

It made your relationship (as friends) grew, as you frequently hangout more often when you're free or he's free.

He calls you "sunflower." His and only Sunflower. He isn't fond of other people calling her sunflower. He only is excempted to call you that.

Kenji sees you as the most interesting girl he laid his eyes upon. He is used to girls (and boys) in his school liking him, he is usually bombarded with love letters and such everytime, his mates even tease him about it.

He rejected them all, one by one. But when it comes to you he feels like he wants her not just friends or acquaintances, but also something more than that. He saw how their friendship grow. Kenji appreciates her coming to his games at his school. His teammates would even call how lucky Kenji to finally have a "girl" friend, that's why he shows his skills him and just for him only.

As his way of supporting her, he goes to her school just to watch her play with her teammates. (He even let some of his friends invite to watch and rot for you.)

He saw how efficient, agile, and fast you are in the court, you were good at jumping high above the net (even for a small height) the way your eyes glimmered as blood pumps rushing through your veins, as every spike, block, serve, and save you do to earn your team's points, as well your cheery and fiery spirit on court.

It set his heart ablaze just watching you how good and passionate you are in court.

You are beautiful, a huge ball of sunshine, his sunflower.

At that moment he knew he developed his feelings towards you, every bond, every memories you both shared.

At that moment you found yourself staring down at a letter in your hands, its just a pure white paper with somewhat messy writing.

最初に出会った駅の近くに来てください。

(Come over by the train station where we first met.)

-Ken-Ken.

Your eyes widen in anticipation and quickly bolted out the school still in your jersey with your mates calling out for you that you ignored. Probably going to invite your for meat buns treat from one of them yet you don't want to waste time.

What if it's just a misunderstanding? What if it isn't really for her? She doesn't wanna assume and get her hopes high enough. Is this really what she think this is?

That made her quickly ran, getting yourself a ticket, and looking around to find where Kenji is.

Meanwhile at the side Kenji saw her, he saw how her eyes quickly scan and looked for him around finding his presence. Its cute and very amusing, it made him laugh a breathy laugh.

He went over and spoke softly. "Looking for someone? Sunflower? " he smugly grins ruffling her hair only to get a playful glare from [Your name].

"Haha very funny Sato-san. " she grumbled. And fished something from her pocket. "I found this.. By my locker. " she said.

Kenji stared at it for a minute til his smile faltered to a serious one and sighed sharply.

"Listen to me [Your name]-chan. Because I'm only going to say this once.."

"I lo-"

His voice got suddenly muffled out by the noisy train station, making it for you hard to register what he said, it filled you amusement and curiosity but also anticipation.

"You- what?" You asked.

"Fuck it. "

Knowing you didn't heard him, he leaned down placing his soft lips to yours.

You got kissed by him...

He kissed his sunflower...

Sorry for the poorly written and grammatical errors, it was rushed lmao it's also my first time making this shit.

[yourlocalcryptidbee]

⭐SFW Alphabet with Lucifer Morningstar (finally)

The SFW Alphabet I was meant to do awhile ago. At any rate, grab some snacks and a beverage, get comfy and enjoy <3

Template can be found here

~ 2.2 k words GN! Reader mostly, F! Reader at times Want the NSFW one? Find it here! NOT PROOFREAD

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

This man is so affectionate, he cares so deeply about you, Charlie, Vaggie even. The only problem is well. . . it can be hard to see how much he cares sometimes. One of the ways Lucifer shows his affection is by being somebody to lean on or someone you can trust to take care of things. It may not be in your face obvious but trust that he’ll always be there when you need him.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

A friendship with Lucifer would be hard because he’s either wary of your motives or deeply in love with you. No inbetween. It would be a few lifetimes before Lucifer could consider you to be his BEST friend. At any rate, know that it’d be one of the most fulfilling friendships you’ve ever had, filled with laughter and good times. We’ve all got to be honest with ourselves, friendship between you and the devil would have had to start either working for him or naturally through Charlie. He does not get out much, not that you complain, just means more Lucifer for you ;)

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

A real cuddle bug this one here. He is just wrapped around you, he loves being able to curl up into someone after years of not getting to. Surprisingly though, he likes to hold you more than he likes to be held. It makes him feel better when he gets to protect you from the cold, makes him feel useful, wanted even. 

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He was ready to settle down the moment he saw you. In terms of cooking, Lucifer is an amazing chef. You can best believe that you’ve tested his cooking, thoroughly. Whatever you want he can make for you, all you’ve got to do is ask suagr. Cleaning on the other hand. . . well he knows how to clean. . .yeahhhh, he’s pretty messy but he knows where everything is! At least he thinks he knows where everything is. 

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He’d be incredibly calm. If he’s breaking up with you then ya’lls spark has long since been dead. Lucifer would never do something like break up with you, spur of the moment so understand that he’s thought it over plenty and it’s better if you two split. Even though he’s no longer in love with you, he still respects you, so the breakup would be done gently and he’d do his best to leave with no bad blood between you. 

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quickly would they want to get married?)

After Lilith, Lucifer isn’t the most eager to go and get married again. Don’t get him wrong he wants to get married to you eventually but give him some time, will you? He’s been through a lot. The day he realized he was ready was the time where Lucifer called you Charlie’s mom to Charlie. “Charlie, can you ask your mom when that art gala is?” “. . . . .my-my mom?” “DID I SAY MOM? WHA-HAHA! AHEM, I MEANT MY WIFE-SHIT GIRLFRIEND! FuCk mE”

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He is a very, very, VERY thin piece of glass-he’s surprisingly durable, but still is glass. Lucifer hasn’t really been able to catch a break, between being thrown out of his home, being villainized by the creatures he helped give free will to, the natural stressors of being king of a realm, his wife of like forever abandoning him and finally being thrust into a long depressive episode, yeah gentle is an understatement. Lucifer would trade his Angelic strength for a little stability any day. 

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

A good marker of how much Lucifer loves you is how tightly he hugs you. Are your airways closed? Then Lucifer is absolutely enamoured with you. Can barely feel his touch? You're dangerously close to being in Alastor levels of hated. He always has to touch you, your hand tucked snuggly in the crook of his elbow, his hand around your waist, his tails rubbing slow circles on the back of your calves, the list goes on and on. Holding onto your waist with his head on your shoulder while you two sway to some music is his favourite way to hug you. 

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

It took him a while before he said it to you. He tried so many times but he chickened out last second every time he tried. The first time he said ‘I love you’ was adorable. Lucifer started out loud, suave and confident and then it was time to say the word and all that confidence fell faster than he fell out of Heaven. He barely whispered the word, his face getting redder and redder and- you get the picture. Your stupid little smirk did not help his situation! He blames your gorgeous face for all his struggles. 

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

You may as well call this man Nick Jonas because He. Is. So. Jealous. Fair enough though, have you seen yourself? Lucifer wants to keep you all to himself, baby. I’m sure you don’t mind. He channels this jealousy in a very. . .long way. If you want to see what Lucifer does when he’s jealous then let me direct you here <3 

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Lucifer will always kiss you on your hand, right above your ring, once a day, every single day. Best believe he kisses you feverishly, passionately. Why breathe when he can keep kissing you? Lucifer’s kisses will range between slow and sensual to boyish pecks all across your face and arms. Although he will always love it when you kiss him on the lips, there’s something in the way you’ll kiss his horns or tail when they’re out. Helps make the pain of what he went through hurt a little less and he loves you for it.   

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

1000/10. Kids love him and part of him misses the days of toys scattered across the house, the pitter-patter of tiny feet and how Charlie used to fit so perfectly in his lap. He’s not getting emotional, you are! He’d take the sleepless nights if he got to have those kinds of memories again. And hey, getting to see you pregnant is a welcomed bonus.  

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

With his job, the two of you don’t get to spend too many mornings together. His side of the bed is often cold by the time you wake up. There are those special days though, where Lucifer doesn’t have to get up at the ass crack of dawn and he cherises those mornings the most. The mornings where he gets to wake up with you in his arms and he gets to lie there and reflect on all the reasons he loves you until you wake up. He can wrap his wings around you both until well into the afternoon.  

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Your nights have a specific routine. The two of you will sneak out of your room and down to the kitchen, the staff long since gone home. You’ll make some tea while Lucifer will scavenge for something sweet to snack on. You’ll sit on the ground and catch up on all that happened that day, some days you’ll sit in silence, others you're trying to muffle your laughs to not wake the whole damn manor. At some point, Lucifer will portal you back to your room and you’ll curl up in his arms and fall asleep.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

You will be learning things about this man for the rest of eternity. Some scars were made from pain others were made when he went to Georgia. He’s slow to open up but that’s because he’s been hurt so many times, give him time.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He’s got the patience of a saint until you threaten his family. All of a sudden he’s got to go the patience store because he just ran out! 

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Lucifer has a really good memory! His Achilles heel are names but hey he’s never messed up Charlie’s name! That’s because he named her He remembers all the important things like he knows Maggie's birthday! He knows when she fell from Heaven, etc. Lucifer should know those things though, Angie is Charlie’s girlfriend after all. 

R = Remember (What is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

Lucifer’s favourite moment in your guy’s relationship was when you were teaching Charlie something and you looked every part her mother. He knew at that moment everything was going to be okay, his girls got along and he finally had a full family again.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Lucifer is incredibly protective. He is the big boss of Hell, he’s got his ways to protect you. Nothing is too much for his girls. Lucifer is a fallen angel, nothing in Hell can hurt him. He doesn’t need you to protect him, like he does for you. He needs you to protect his heart though, it’s bruised and could use your loving, so be kind. 

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

If it’s for you then there is no amount of effort that is enough in his mind. Lucifer believes there is nothing that he can do to show how much he loves you, he tries to though. Every date, gift, and anniversaryhe plans is done so meticulously.  

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He loses track of time very easily. It’s so bad that he didn’t realize just how long it had been since he last saw Charile. And the last time Lucifer saw Charlie was when she still lived in the manor, aka its been a long time. The only thing he could remember was how long Lilith had been gone for, which. . . didn’t help his depression. He’s getting better now, especially with you by his side! Instead of knowing how long Lilith had been gone down to the hour, it down to the month. . .progress! amiright?

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Sin. of. Pride. He knows damn well what he looks like. Korean skincare ain’t got nothing on his routines.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Lucifer will feel weird if he hasen’t seen you in the last few HOURS. This man would crumble without you. If your not there what’s the point? Truly? 

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Lucifer could recite the Bible word for word if he wanted to. He found one eons ago when a distraught sinner came into his home complaining about being in hell, waving the book around like it meant anything. He read it. Every last word. The book has some. . . interesting opinions about him. So what if he still has it? So what if he’ll read it to feel like he is still divine and he hasn’t been completely corrupted by sinners. And so what if every story including him has been ripped out, never to be seen again. So what if he is homesick? So what if that stupid book is tattered with pages falling out? It’s his only piece of home that wasn’t marred by the blasphomous place he rules over. 

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He doesn’t like when people blindly follow him. Why do sinners do this? Lucifer didn’t chose to be king. This is his eternal punishment. Why would he do anything that would benefit the thousands of thorns in his side? This proves just how idioctic sinners are.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)He’d never admit it but. . . he has a dad snore. It is the LOUDEST thing as well. Especially when he’s in a deep sleep. Lord help you and your neighbours. Baby boy is loud. Lucifer also falls asleep soooo quickly, he’ll lie down and is immediately out and to make it better, when he’s out, he’s out. There is no waking him up.

[xxghostcomplexx]

possible lestappen fics

there’s a lot of fics i wanna write for lestappen yet have never gotten to cause of my fuckin adhd brain- so here is a list of the ideas instead

maybe I’ll write them some day…

(also- feel free to take these ideas and use them as prompts for your own fics)

Song of Achilles AU (Max is soooo Achilles coded, just imagine him saying: “There is no agreements made between lions and sheep. I shall eat you raw.” Jos as Thetis? Sebastian as Chiron? Fernando as Odysseus? Lewis Hamilton as Hector?)

Pride and Prejudice AU (Max as Mr.Darcy, Charles as Elizabeth) (maybe a side of Landoscar as Mr.Bingley and Jane)

Idea 1: ‘Max was not Charles’ first love, nor was he his second or third.’ (A fic where Charles reminisces of all his past loves and how Max fits into in. His first love was racing, second was Jules, and third was Sebastian. Ambiguous ending)

Idea 2: ‘Charles was Max’s first, second, and third love.’ (An accompanying fic to idea 1 from Max’s pov and his view on their relationship)

Idea 3: ‘Charles had hated Max before he even understood the true meaning of the word. Birds flew, fish swam, and Charles Leclerc hated Max Verstappen. It was simple really. It seemed predestined…inevitable- even.’ (A enemy to lover fic where it’s actually just Charles one-sided ‘hating’ Max until he realizes that he stopped hating Max somewhere along the way. Austria 2019 is mentioned here prominently)

Idea 4: ‘Charles thinks Max looks his best when he’s bloodied, his eyes wide and equally red with fury. Max thinks Charles looks even better when he’s crying, his pretty face bruised black and blue.’ (EQUALLY TOXIC RELATIONSHIP, Charles and Max find each other at a young age, classmates and neighbors. They don’t like each other and end up getting into a fight. The two quickly realize that they aren’t… normal after they get into their first fight. They grow up together as known enemies but they can only indulge their true selves in each other)

Idea 5: ‘Into the Lions’ Den’ (Charles pov beginning from before he even joins F1 all the way to current time. He reflects on Max’s past and future teammates and how they are essentially sacrifices. They enter the ‘lions’ den’ and are left to try and compare to Max, only to be left ripped apart. After all, who can hope to stand next to him? Red Bull has two drivers only because they need to. Despite that- as Charles reflect on all this…he can’t help but dream of standing next to Max as his teammate. Let himself be tore apart, let Max eat his heart and drink his blood)

Idea 6: Shameless smut (as the name suggests…it’s just shameless smut. This would be my first ever smut fic if I ever finish writing it. As an asexual person…this is especially hard to write. The plot is basically Max as the ‘successfully businessman who’s very busy and sexually frustrated’ and Charles as the ‘call boy who Max calls on accident when he was trying to find a call girl’. Max is confused and kinda disappointed at first, until he notices that Charles is very very pretty and that Max really wouldn’t mind sleeping with him- in fact -he would like it very much. This fic is just silly. Max is very horknee and not cool at all in this fic. Luckily Charles thinks he’s hot.)

Idea 7: ‘Turns out I don’t mind him kissing guys as long as it’s me he’s kissing .’ (Have you seen that one Reddit story of his guy who worries he’s being homophonic towards his gay roommate cause every time he sees him kissing a guy or bringing one home he feels sick and upset. They end up getting into an argument and he worries that he will ruin his friendship with his roommate. But he then finds out that he’s liked his roommate the whole time and that’s why he felt like throwing up every time he saw him with other guys. Yeah, that but Lestappen. Childhood rivals to friends, living together for college. Max who worries that he’s being homophobic cause he can’t stand seeing Charles with guys, and Charles who just wants Max to get the hint already)

I have more notes on each of these, so let me know if you wanna know more about any of these fics. I think I also might have some snippets for them :)

[blooming-violets]

My headcanon for frat peter is that he joined one after gwen dies to distract himself and as a bandaid fucks everything that movies and gains a reputation oc / reader is his best friend very similar to dancing on my own ik but anyway she tries supporting him but peter is really unhealthy and she leaves for a while how do you think peter would feel about the hole she leaves behind cause she used to basically do all his emotional heavy lifting on hard days

He acts like he's fine. He's learned not to show his emotions especially around the guys. They were never big fans of her, anyway. It takes him about two weeks to finally notice that she's gone. It happens the day he's set to touch up his blonde roots. Usually he heads on over to her dorm, sneaking into the women's bathroom, while she does his hair for him. During those times are when he typically feels more free to speak his mind. They shared a lot of heart to hearts over those moments of the two of them, giggling alone in the bathroom, while he enjoys the feeling of her fussing over his hair. He feels the weight of the world leaving his shoulders for a short time whenever she's around.

This time, though, she doesn't come when he calls.

All his texts go unanswered. At first, he's worried she's hurt. He immediately thinks the worst. It's in his nature to assume that the people he loves will end up dead. Taken too early. It's not until he sees her walking around campus he's able to feel a sense of relief.

He jogs up to her, big, cocky grin on his face, and falls in step next to her. He expects her to open up like usual. Expects her to play along with his teasing. When he only receives a cold shoulder and the silent treatment, he reacts with anger.

Peter's been so angry lately. He's been struggling to feel many emotions but anger is one that always seems to make it through his closed off walls. They say that anger is a massive part of the grieving process but it's one he hasn't been able to shake.

They get into a huge, blow out fight in middle of campus over how he treats her now vs before and how he let's his friends treat her like shit. She's sick of his behavior and only using her whenever he needs something. It's never the other way around. Peter no longer shows up for her like she does for him. She can't take their one sided friendship anymore. This isn't the Peter she grew up loving.

It draws a crowd. People are watching them like they're today's entertainment. It ends with her crying, running back to her dorm, and Peter cursing out the crowds and stalking back to his frat house.

He mourns her loss in his life like he mourned for Gwen.

Denial.

It was her fault. She was being stupid. He had done nothing wrong. So what if his frat brothers teased her from to time. It was her fault she couldn't take a joke. He turned a blind eye to their behavior. He let them get inside his head. He didn't need her. He had lines of women waiting to throw themselves at his feet. What was the loss of one, stupid, annoying girl he knew as a kid? According to his brothers, she refused to put out, anyway. It was no loss to him. He didn't need her.

He buried his hurt by sleeping around more often than usual. A new woman every night. Sometimes two in the same day. He even slept with her best girl friend just to extra piss her off and get back at her.

He wanted her to hurt as much as him.

Anger

He was already the king of anger. He felt its power invade his every pore. It lived deep in his bones and consumed his every waking thought. He was getting into multiple fist fights every week. Not even as Spider-Man, just as Peter Parker.

He fought his frat brothers, he fought guys at the bar, he fought dudes on the street, he even fought his own reflection in the mirror. That one left him covered in blood and surrounded by shattered glass. He needed stitches to close up the wound. He couldn't stand the sight of his own face. He despised the man who stared back at him.

He didn't know this person. He didn't know Peter anymore.

Maybe she was right. Maybe had lost himself.

Bargaining

If he could just see her again...

If he could just see her one time. Hear her voice. That's all he wanted. He could watch her anytime he felt like it. He could overhear her talking to friends whenever he spied on her. He was Spider-Man. He was the master of stealth and shadows. But that wasn't enough. He wanted her voice to be directed at him. He didn't care what she said to him as long as she was talking. All he wanted was a fraction of her attention.

He would trade it all to get her back in his life. Just one conversation. That's he wanted. One, little talk just like old times.

She refused.

He couldn't blame her. He was a destroyer of lives. Anyone he touched crumbled around him. Whether they were killed in a plane crash, shot in the street, fell from a building, or were shoved away...they all left him in the end.

It was his fault. It was always his fault.

Depression

When he lost everything, he used to turn to sex. Now the thought of touching a woman who wasn't her only made him sick to his stomach. Alcohol was too risky. It fucked too much with his emotions. Made him reckless.

Pot was the cure.

It calmed him. Made him forget for a while. Allowed him to just relax and zone out.

He stopped going to his classes. Stopping talking to his brothers. Stopped answering his texts. It was just him, a strong joint, and the quiet of cave of his bedroom. In here, he could wallow in peace.

Peter Parker was not someone who could be trusted in the real world. He deserved to be locked up like an animal. No one needed him. He was better off alone.

This was where he would stay. In the dark. Where he belonged.

Acceptance

The state of his hair told him how much time had passed. It was back to brown. Greasy and unkempt. Shaggier than he typically liked it but he didn't care enough to get it fixed. The only person he ever wanted to touch his hair again was her.

And she deserved an apology.

He had been reading about grief online. There were five stages, so the internet says. There is no specific time period for each and they can jump between the stages whenever they feel like. He liked to hang out in the anger stage more often than the others. It was where he felt most at home. At least he understood anger. Anger made sense to him. Smoking helped quell the raging beast. That was a vice he didn't want to give up. Not yet. He wasn't ready for that step.

The world was an angry place and he fit right in.

But he was learning where to put that anger. It didn't belong on her. That was misguided. She had done nothing wrong. All she had ever done was love him. Anger was okay as long as it was placed in the right direction. He knew that now. Spider-Man could use anger to his advantage. Bad guys deserved anger. His frat brothers deserved his wrath for how they treated others. He, himself, deserved the anger. But not her.

And he needed to make amends. Even if she didn't fully forgive him, he needed to try, because she deserved to hear it, and he deserved to say it.

All it took was one text. After months of no contact. One text and she replied.

Coffee. 9am. Just the two of them.

One, little talk...just like old times.

I LOVED THIS!

It is very Dancing On My Own coded. I think what some people don't fully grasp in that story is that Peter was severely grieving through the later half of it. Gwen died because he couldn't catch her in time. He lost the love of his life because he wasn't good enough at the ONE thing he was supposed to be good at. He fully blames himself for her death. Do people not realize how seriously fucked that would make someone?? I think that's why I like to write dark!Peter so much. Because TASM Peter would be dark after that. He would not be normal. He would not be able to go back to being friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. It would ruin him. We saw that in NWH. It's still eating him alive like a decade later. The college days of Dancing On My Own took place a year after Gwen's death. The boy is fucked up.

Grief makes you do stupid things. Anger and reckless behavior is part of grief. Obvious that doesn't mean that it's okay but to completely write someone off as a monster undeserving of love just because they're hurting doesn't sit right with me. Not that you did that, I'm just going off the comments and complaints I've gotten on the fic that always low key piss me off.

And maybe I'm just not the greatest writer so that didn't come off as well as I wanted it to in DOMO but I tried my best haha. Maybe I shouldn't have ended it where I did and allowed them to grow a bit more after but I really thought that kind of stuff would just be assumed by the reader because it made sense in my head that that's how grief and healing and forgiveness go. But no one lives in my head but me so that's my fault for not executing my intentions properly!

I lovelovelove exploring grief and the different places it can take a person. Grief/depression/anger/angst are my favorite topics. Always have been since I was young. Like how Peter in this story feels most comfortable hanging out in his anger, I feel most happy in my angst and darkness. Sad people sometimes do bad things. Hurting people sometimes hurt other people. Even people they love very much. Does that make them completely incapable of change? Does that make them forever unlovable or not worthy of forgiveness? Sometimes people think too much in black and white and forget that the world is full of all sorts of grays.

Not that this was even about DOMO and I'm completely going on a tangent I know I'm so sorry haha but it's close enough to domo because it's dealing with Peter's grief and hurting of a close friend.

Here's some of my favorite pages from my favorite children's book (Michael Rosen's Sad Book) that talks about grief and the loss of someone you loved very much that's meant to teach children how to better understand their sadness and hurt and that even if you do bad things sometimes it doesn't mean that you are a bad person who doesn't deserve love and forgiveness:

ANYWAY

I just wanted to say that I love this and I love when people come to me with headcanons. That's what fandoms are supposed to be about. We're all supposed to be pestering each other 24/7 with our ideas and creating stories together and collaborating and building shit that we all love. Always send me your ideas. No matter how unhinged you might think they are bc I'm sure I've got equally as crazy ideas to play along with you!

[masquerade-of-misery]

Just some mental health rambling, because I need to let this out somewhere.

If you are sensitive to topics like depression and self-loathing, feel free to keep scrolling.

In the past pair of weeks I've been spiralling deeper into depression again.

A lot has been happening in my life which affect me badly. I feel trapped, hopeless, disappointed, miserable. About life, about myself, about people.

It feels like whenever something remotely good happens, I can start worrying when that good thing will end, when it will turn bad, or what kind of "punishment" life will give me for having a moment of peace and joy.

I've been keeping so much to myself. Even with my family, whom I'm the closest with, can't share certain things, because they just simply wouldn't understand. I have only one person "in real life" that shares my love for Twst and who I can really talk to about everything. We live together, and she's an immigrant living in my country. Every 5 years, the terror overwhelms us when it's time to reapply for her residence permit. We live in constant fear of losing each other, of her application getting rejected. We are each other's life support and have known each other for 10 years now. If that gets taken away... I don't even want to think about it.

My parents and brother always tell me I can share everything with them, and they are here for me no matter what. And I know that, but... I also know that they would never understand my love for Twst and my deep love for Lilia. They would just suggest I see a damn therapist.

They would like to see me in a happy romantic relationship, but I have lost all my interest in meeting people honestly. I have never been lucky with men, and don't think I ever will be. I've been betrayed and ghosted by friends countless times, so I'm tired of trying to form friendships as well.

Also, I have huge self-esteem issues. I hate everything about myself. Every part of my body, my voice, my clumsiness, my social awkwardness, my struggles with verbal communication, my stupid blushing for no reason... I hate it all. I see my reflection in the mirror and have to tear my eyes away from it, because I despise the person looking back at me.

Last weekend, I had to realize just how different my brother and I have become, too. We've always had a strong bond, we were like the "prepare for trouble and make it double" duo. We argued and fought a lot as kids and teens, but we always have been a strong unit. But last Saturday, it became clear that basically I cannot say anything he considers "negative", "hateful", or "complaining", because he will turn it into a goddamn lecture. And the way he tells you his opinion is so condescending as fuck and makes you feel like you are a stupid kid who knows no better and needs to be taught. Even if his intentions are good, he still comes across as... arrogant? Mocking? And then when I said something nice about someone, it basically made me a hypocrite? So, no matter if I cuss at a stranger under my breath or make a kind comment about them, it's a problem??

I don't even know what topics to talk about with him, because our views on life and people have become so vastly different. His heart would also shatter if he found out I don't want to become an aunt and deal with kids, even if they are related to me by blood.

So, I just shut the fuck up from now on and keep most of my thoughts to myself. Even here, on my own damn blog, I'm not sure if I'll find any understanding. People are so damn sensitive nowadays, you cannot express any "negative" thoughts, can't get angry or sad, because then you become "toxic" and "hateful".

And then everyone is surprised why there are so many depressed, lonely, miserable people who don't want to or cannot open up. Or worse, they reach the point where they off themselves.

I'm tired. I'm just so exhausted. Even sleep can't bring me full peace, because my brain just plagues me with disturbing, disgusting, or simply depressing or nonsensical dreams.

I can't see the man I love even in my dreams. I can't hug him, kiss him, laugh with him...

I don't see the point in anything anymore. I just want to disappear.

[thebardisabird]

Writing has been hard for me lately. A lot of things have happened in the past year for me that damaged my zest to write. But that passion doesn't ever truly die, I think, so I'm doing my best to pick myself and continue doing what I love. So here's my contribution to Karamatsu month. A very candid conversation and a gentle reminder.

When Karamatsu had asked you to take a walk with him, you initially had thought nothing of it. Often you two would walk Akatsuka Park together; you, because you enjoyed the benefit of being able to clear your mind with some fresh air, and he because it was how you two met, so it held a special place in the grand scheme of your friendship. 

“Ah, does the air not smell so wonderfully crisp?” Karamatsu inhales, stretching his arms out as his lungs take in the cool afternoon air. You get lost in your own breathing for a second, “Just the season for it too,” a small smile ghosts over your lips, “I love this time of year.” 

Karamatsu hums in agreement, arms crossing over his chest as he slides his eyes closed and walks with a purposeful blindness.

Your mind shifts to light conversation, “How was your week? Anything new with your brothers?”

His chuckle is airy as he peaks an eye open toward you, “Raucous as ever - but how could they not be? We share the same fire in our blood after all.” 

This made you laugh as you recalled that same exact “fiery blood” getting them in trouble with Chibita just the other night. Karamatsu hears your laughter and mirrors it, thinking of his brothers and their antics - antics he’s very much always a part of. He recollects the memories that have permanently altered his life; how he wouldn’t trade them for the world. Yet as you both walk, a chill runs through the leather of his jacket. The reality of his adulthood creeps up and reminds him that even this situation - spending every day of his adult life with his brothers, living without much to care about, or even the luxury of getting to have these walks with you whenever it pleases you both - may be temporary. But such is life, isn’t it? Shouldn’t a man his age strive for independence and distance so as to be free of burdening his family? Karamatsu tucks his hands into his armpits, a certain vulnerability striking him now. You feel the difference in his attitude almost instantly.

“Kara…you okay?” 

His answer doesn’t come right away, though he still walks with you without missing a step. His signature shades have slid down the bridge of his nose a tad, revealing the troubled look of his downcast eyes and knitted brows. In searching for a response he remains silent; though this renders to you as him not having heard you. “Karamatsu…?” you call out again, worry lacing in your utterance of his name. 

The wrinkles in his brows grow deeper, “Am I…a burden?” 

The timbre of his voice was far lighter than normal, hesitance coating his words in a way you weren’t expecting. You tilt your head with some confusion, not understanding his question as it’s phrased, “What do you mean?” 

The cedar hues of his eyes drift off to the side as though he meant to avoid your gently bewildered expression. 

“I just…I think of my brothers…I think of how we’re still living at home,” he chews his lip as he continues, “We’re adults…and yet we rely so heavily on our parents.” 

You nod as you take in his words, the idea of what he’s trying to ask beginning to formulate in your head. Karamatsu removes his hands, looking down at the guitar-worn digits, “I…” the sigh he lets out is palpable, “I feel like I have nothing to show for myself or my future. I need to know when I’ll be more than just…this.” 

Your heart sinks as you see the hurt show in full bloom on Karamatsu’s face. It’s a subject of conversation you often avoid with him, not out of dishonesty, but because you’ve seen what the call of independence has done to his family in the past. It’s a sore topic, you know this. Yet your hands find one of his own, enclosing the now tightly grasped fist and gently easing his fingers open to accept the warmth of your comforting ones. 

“Those are answers that take time…no one ever knows right away what their future holds.” 

Karamatsu looks on at the delicate hold you have on his hand before finally locking eyes with you. 

“Give yourself time and grace,” you say softly, “You’re exactly where you need to be…and the people who love you are happy to have the time with you that they do.” 

He swallows thickly at your words, there’s a kindness to them he feels he doesn’t deserve - but he absorbs each letter nonetheless. His free hand unfurls from its frustrated grasp, coming to blanket your reassuring touch with his own, thankful, one. He loses the ability to speak for just a moment, but he silently prays that the sincerity in his eyes reflects how grateful he is for you. You lend him a bright smile, tugging on the same you were still encasing, “Come, let’s finish our walk before it gets too cold.” 

The weight that on his shoulders shakes free of its hold as he’s yanked forward a hair. He stumbles before he remembers to walk accordingly, and he finds his steps feel lighter now. The pleased silence between you two doesn’t last long as he inhales once more, “Ah…”

Seeing him return to his usual self brings you joy, but that is quickly replaced with playful annoyance when he says, “I must be rubbing off on you, darling, with how poetic with your words you’re becoming,” the statement paired with the glint of his grin and his arms flared out in a dramatic display. You can’t stop your eyes from rolling though it’s easily accompanied by affectionate laughter, “If you say so, Karamatsu.”

[peachdues]

Phantasmagoria — extended teaser (NSFW)

(Sanemi’s Tell Me to Stop)

Okay besties, bringing you guys an extended teaser of Phantasmagoria because someone DM’ed me with the correct guess of the focus of his Tell Me to Stop.

Synopsis: Y/N, Sanemi, and Kyojuro were an unstoppable trio in their youth. But right as they prepare to enter college at Ubayashiki University, tragedy strikes and Y/N mistakenly confesses her love for Sanemi at the worst possible time. Now, a year and a half has passed, and Y/N hasn’t spoken to either of her best friends since, but that’s all about to change as their friend groups converge and Y/N explores an experimental new drug called Wisteria.

CW: super NSFW, drug use, alcohol use, slightly toxic FWB, Sanemi cares for her but there’s a lot that happens before this that strains their relationship a ton.

Just letting y’all know, this will have even more smut than Kyojuro’s Tell Me to Stop.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Beneath the throb of multicolored lights, Y/N felt as though she were suffocating.

Y/N pushed and elbowed her way dizzily through the crush of people on the dance floor, lungs constricting to the point of pain as she struggled to take a breath, her limbs trembling.

Her eyes land on a pair of lilac irises watching her from across the club, and vaguely, Y/N noticed how he straightened, his focus lasering in on her as she stumbled towards him.

She couldn’t deny the irony that she was so used to fleeing from him into the sparkling, sweaty array of club-goers only to now find herself desperate to run to him, for safety and comfort, and away from revelers who were suddenly too loud and too close.

He meets her halfway, having moved from his place against the bar counter after noticing her distress, and with more relief than she knows she should feel, Y/N collapses against him, grateful for the steely warmth of his arms as they close protectively around her. In his embrace, she finds that she didn’t even mind the way his lips press against her damp forehead as he asks whether she’s alright.

She wasn’t, and that was his fault to begin with, but he’s there now, holding her like she mattered, and Y/N lets herself melt.

————————————————————————-

An hour later, she was back in her apartment, crouched over her toilet while the cold tile of her bathroom floor bit into her knees as she heaved up her guts. Sanemi was there too, seated behind her on the ground while he holds her hair in his gentle grip, his free hand rubbing soothing circles into her back.

As she leaned back over the toilet bowl, stomach convulsing, Y/N wondered if he could see the black sludge of her love for him mixed in with her bile.

—————————————————————————

(…)

“Y/N, you need to stop,” Sanemi’s voice was gruff as his hand closed over her wrist, restraining her from raising the little violet pill to her lips — her second of the night.

Y/N narrowed her eyes at him. “I didn’t realize you were my father,” she tried to turn away from him, but he caught her shoulder, wrenching her back around and swatting at the hand clutching her key to euphoria.

“Cut the shit, Y/N.” He ignored the way she glared at him, as she watched her pill bounced to the floor and disappeared. “You’re destroying yourself, you know that?”

Y/N’s blood turned to ice in her veins. “It’s none of your business, Shinazugawa,” and he flinched at her use of his surname. “Why do you even care?”

Sanemi almost looks menacing as he stares at her under the flashing strobes of the Kizuki Club. “You’re my friend.”

Y/N laughed without humor. “You think, because we fuck when we’re high or drunk, that makes us friends?”

Y/N laughed again, and Sanemi’s grip around her wrist tightened. “As I recall, Shinazugawa, it was you who ended our friendship, well before we ever started— Y/N grimaced. “Whatever this is that we’re doing.”

“We hook up when we’re under the influence. Nothing more.” She finished, coldly.

A flash of hurt flit across his features, almost obscured by the pulsing lights of the club. “I’ve been sober for the last month, Y/N.”

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

[honey-crypt]

Hello! I just found your page and I think this is such a cool concept for a write-a-thon. If you get around to it could you the bachelor/ettes reacting to the farmer stimming? I have lots of different ones so feel free to do whatever!

If you’d rather just do a few, I’d like to see any combination of Sam, Sebastian, Shane, Haley, or Penny please. Thank you lots for your time! I hope you enjoy writing these :)

a/n: combining these two requests into one :D hope you all enjoy!

warnings: self-destructive stimming, ableist mircoagression in shane's part (he repents i prommy)

★ sdv bachelor/ettes seeing the farmer stim for the first time ★

abigail

★ you hand flap in front of her for the first time after she gives you a cool rock she found in the mines

★ gets all excited because you’re excited and it’s very cute

★ “i’m glad you like the rock! i’ll make sure to get you more so i can see how happy you are” she doesn't realize that you stim whenever but hey, at least you get more rocks

alex

★ baby boy is confuzzled when you start repeating the phrase "eat my ass like a christmas tree" to yourself (author: this was one of my vocal stims for the longest time)

★ "how do you eat ass like a christmas tree????"

★ when you explain that it's a vocal stim, he just gives you a thumbs up and tells you that your stims are kinda funny to watch /lh

elliott

★ sees you full body rocking for the and is concerned

★ "my dear, is everything alright? do you need anything?" bro is ready to get you anything and everything you need, he wants you to be okay

★ immediate sigh of relief when you explain that it's a stim and informs you that you can stim whenever you need to in front of him

emily

★ she stims too, baby girl is autistic

★ sees you rubbing your cheeks with your thumbs and immediately knows that you're stimming

★ prompts her to start stimming with you, hers is humming while rubbing her knuckles #neurodivergentbesties or #neurodivergentlovers

harvey

★ dude's a doctor so when he sees you snapping your fingers repeatedly, he knows that you're stimming

★ makes sure that you're not stimming cuz you're overwhelmed or anything, he wants the best for you

★ can't help but smile like a goober when you stim, he loves every part of you

haley

★ i honestly can hc her as autistic (emily and haley the autism sisters but in differet fonts) and she stims by twirling her hair

★ acts nonchalant when she sees you stim for the first with tongue clicking but your stim's volume kinda overwhelms her

★ has to go in another room while you stim cuz of it but she makes sure to let you know that it's because she's volume sensitive and not because she hates your stimming

leah

★ literally goes :D when you stim for the first time by tugging on your left ear, she finds your stimming silly and unique

★ will death glare anyone who stares or makes a mean comment about your stimming (woman has a lumberjack bod, she can kill a man without hesitation)

maru

★ also stims by biting on her knuckles (she's trying to find a less destructive stim) but she gets surprised by your vocal stimming when you repeat "making my way downtown with a glock, your ass gonna get shot, pow pow pow"

★ legit asks you why that's your stim

★ tries not to bust out laughing when you do that vocal stim of yours in front of her dad (-500 friendship points with demetrius)

penny

★ vincent's neurodivergent so she's familar with stimming and such, she's good at helping to redirect self-destructive stimming

★ almost freaks out when you bite the inside of your cheeks repeatedly as your stim, she's scared that your mouth was gonna be full of blood cuz of it

★ helps you to replace that stim with a safer one, making popping sounds with your mouth

sam

★ certified vocal stimmer this man is and boy, has it gotten him in trouble

★ his face legit goes :OO when he sees you vocal stimming for the first time

★ the two of you accidentally give the other terrible things to vocal stim ("assfucker", "titty stitches", "smoke ass and eat grass")

sebastian

★ surrounded by neurodivergents, he cannot escape (he's also nd but the acquired kind so his brain got all fucked up and he can't socialize good)

★ facepalms when he sees you singing randomly for the first, an immediate clock that you're stimming and you're another neurodivergent fucker that he's stuck with /pos

★ sometimes stims with you, his stim is soft humming

shane

★ dumbass, bro is a dumbass and clueless about a lotta stuff, such as stimming

★ seeing you hand flapping for the first time and goes "wtf are you five or smth??"

★ gets his ass beat by you for being a meanie about it but he later does research on stimming and tries his best to be more understanding of it

[monsterfuker3000]

I Crave Your Taste ⋆⭒˚｡⋆

HEY so like uhhhh it’s been a while bc I’ve been being an absolute girl queen pussy BOSS and I’m essentially running my golf course alone like 60 hours a week so I haven’t had much free time 🥲 ANYWAY I present to you uhhh this!

CW: reader is hit on by a creep, punching, brief mention of blood, dom!ish?reader, sub!ish?Leon, fem reader, mf uhhh yearning, pining, uhh some longing and desiring, a little languishing (Leon is stupid,) p in v sex, unprotected sex (DO NOT DO THAT,) Leon uses every pet name in the book but that’s cuz he loves you, man I can’t think of anything else I’m writing this on the clock. If I missed anything let me know pls my angels mwah!

Word count: 2,145 words of Leon drowning in misunderstanding trope

“Oh my God, are you fucking jealous?”

Fuck that guy. Leon couldn’t stand him. The way he pawed at you, the way he stared at you like you were something to fucking eat. He swears he could kill the bastard. He gripped the glass in his hand hard, wondering absentmindedly if he might break it but not able to bring himself to care. Why did you have to come to this bar with that guy? Why didn’t you want to go with him?

You’d told him you were going on a date this morning in the break room of the station when the two of you ran into each other in search of coffee. He faltered, almost dropping his coffee cup, but he knew he had no right to say anything. The two of you were best friends and had hooked up a handful of times, but it was never more serious than that, not that Leon didn’t want it to be. He loved you desperately, he had from the very beginning, but how could he tell you that? You were perfect, beautiful in every way and he knew he was lucky to even have this small part of you. There was no way he was messing that up by spilling his guts for you and potentially driving you away, so beyond your close friendship, he kept you at arm’s length.

That’s precisely why you were going on this date. You didn’t like the guy all that much, but you were head over heels for Leon and he certainly didn’t seem to feel the same way, so the other man was a convenient distraction. Every time you tried for some intimacy that wasn’t sexual, Leon would seem to lose interest. He wouldn’t hold you after sex the way that you liked. It’s not that he would skip aftercare altogether; he’d get you cleaned up and situated to the best of his ability, but he’d either leave your apartment right after or wouldn’t touch you.

It’s not that he didn’t want to hold you after sex. God, he’d give anything. But he knew that the second he had you in his arms in any way that was that tender, he wouldn’t be able to keep his mouth shut or his heart steady. He wasn’t risking that.

The two of you were at an impasse, and that’s what landed you at this bar at 10 o’clock on a Friday. The guy you were on a date with was okay, what was his name? James? Jake? Whatever. He was impossibly boring and a little gross, so you didn’t feel the need to memorize his name since you didn’t think you’d be seeing him again. He was also wildly drunk and had his arm around you, squeezing you a little tighter than you thought was necessary, but the date seemed to be winding to a close, so you figured you’d have your personal space back shortly. You paid your tab (there was no way you were letting this guy spend any money on you,) and turned to your date to say goodbye.

“Well,” what was his name? Better just skip it. “I had a lot of fun, but I think I’m going to head out. I’ll call you, okay?” You absolutely would not call him. He stood, swaying a bit.

“Come on, little lady,” he leered at you. “Don’t you want to come back to my place?” Fuck no, you didn’t, but you tried to stay polite.

“No thank you, but I’ll talk to you later, okay?” You turned again to leave but he grabbed your arm, pulling you in close to whisper in your ear.

“You really think you get to just leave now?” Your blood ran cold. No fucking way. You tried to wrench your arm away but he held fast. “Don’t fight me on this, kitten, you know you owe me.” He leaned in even closer to flick his tongue against your earlobe, nearly making you gag. Then he was gone. What?

He lay on the ground in front of you now, hands covering a bloody nose someone had delivered him. Who? Your eyes shot up and locked on Leon’s, a soft expression on his face as he looked at you despite his bloodied knuckles. When did he get here? Leon turned away from you to look back down at the man, his expression changing to icy in an instant.

“If you ever touch her again, I swear to God I’ll kill you with my bare hands,” he spat. The man scrambled to his feet and darted through the crowd that had started to form, rushing through the front entrance of the bar full tilt. Leon looked back at you. “My car, now,” he snapped, holding his hand out for you but giving you the choice to take it or not. You did.

He helped you into the passenger seat of his Jeep, closing the door behind you before getting in the driver’s seat himself. “I’m taking you to my place,” he told you, leaving little room for argument. You nodded.

The ride back to his apartment was quiet, both of you not saying anything from when you climbed into his car to when you plopped down on a chair in his tiny kitchen. You watched him cross his kitchen to the little sink, wetting a rag to dab at his now scabbed-over knuckles. He winced, and you stood from the kitchen chair to take the rag from him and help him.

He stayed silent and let you wipe away the blood. Two knuckles had split but not badly enough to need stitches, which you told him. He thanked you as you used a paper towel to dry off his hands. You hadn’t looked him in the eyes once during the entire process, and hoped he didn’t notice. He did.

“Why?” He asked you. You knew what he meant, but pretended you didn’t.

“Why what?”

“Why him? Why not me?”

You sighed. He knew damn well why, which you told him. He shot back that he definitely did not. You relented.

“Because,” you mumbled, “I want something that you won’t give me. I figured I wouldn’t find it in him, but I’m not going to get it from you, either.”

He was still confused. What in the world were you talking about? You saw him tilt his head to the side, his brows furrowed. You sighed.

“I love you, Leon, I have for a long time. I know you don’t love me back and I understand that, I’m okay with it, that’s why I’m looking for it elsewhere.”

“What?” He asked, eyes wide. You were frustrated now.

“I love you! I love you, okay?” You threw your hands up, tossing the bloody rag in the sink. “How many different ways do you want me to tell you, Lee? I’m fucking tired of-“

“Oh my God,” he cut you off. You were annoyed before, but now you were pissed.

“‘Oh my God,’ what, Leon? What, are you disgusted or something? Jesus Christ-“

He cut you off again, this time not by speaking over you but by pressing his lips to yours. Huh? He pulled away, your eyes still wide.

“I love you too.”

He loves you too. He loves you too. Holy shit. You grab the sides of his face and pull him in for another kiss, taking him by surprise. He let his hands fall naturally at your waist, trying to seem nonchalant, but he fisted desperately at your shirt and moaned high in his throat when you sunk your teeth into his bottom lip. He pulled away, eyes lingering on the string of spit connecting your mouths before he ducked his head to place wet, needy kisses to your throat.

“Please, honey,” he begged between kisses, his hands wandering. “Please let me touch you. Promise I’ll make you feel so good, please.” You pulled him away from you by his hair, and he whined pathetically.

“You want to touch me?” You asked, one eyebrow raised. He nodded. “Get on your knees and beg.”

You expected him to protest, but he didn’t miss a beat. He knelt down in front of you lightning-quick, hands on your thighs and the most desperate look in his eyes you’d ever seen. Perfect.

“Baby, please, I’ll give anything, I’ll do anything, just please let me touch you, let me taste you, I’m desperate, honey,” he pleaded.

“Bedroom,” you ordered, and once again he obeyed. He stood and slung you partway over his shoulder, making you laugh before making the short trip to his bedroom and throwing you down on the bed. He did nothing else, though, seemingly waiting for more instructions. You obliged. “Undress me.”

He nodded once and began to undress you, starting slow but getting sloppier and more desperate as he struggled with the button on your jeans. You took pity on him and undid the button and the zipper, allowing him to pull your jeans and panties off in one motion and throw them to the floor without any further interference. He reached to dip his fingers into your pussy but you grabbed his wrist, making him whine.

“So quiet until now, what happened?” You teased. He whined again.

“Wanna touch you, please,” he begged. You shook your head.

“I’m completely naked and you’re fully dressed. Do you really think that’s fair, Lee?” You questioned. He shook his head. “Undress yourself then.”

He began to take his own clothes off, somehow more desperate that he’d been when he’d undressed you. You managed to stifle a laugh when you heard the tear of fabric, wondering what he’d just put a hole through in his rush. You slid off the bed and stood when he finished, pushing him to lie down instead before climbing on top of him, straddling him just below his cock. He whined, reaching out for you. Part of you wanted to deny him, to punish him for all he’d put you through these past few months, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You relented, allowing him to grab at your waist and lift you up as you used your hand to line his cock up with your entrance before he pushed you back down, sheathing himself completely.

He threw his head back into the pillows beneath him, golden hair strewn everywhere and sticking a bit to his already sweaty forehead. His teeth were gritted, pretty blue eyes pricking with tears as he squeezed them shut, fingers digging into your hips. He cried out in a way that could have been pathetic if you didn’t love it so much.

You gave him a moment to regain his composure as you sat atop him, but the second his heavy panting began to even out, you lifted your hips and slammed them back down, causing him to cry out again.

“Fuck, baby, feels so good,” he moaned, lifting his hips to meet you in the middle of every thrust. As the sound of skin slapping skin filled the room, he circled your clit with one thumb, trying desperately to keep up some semblance of a rhythm.

You ground against him with every thrust and were worked up enough physically and emotionally to know you weren’t going to last long.

“Lee, Lee I’m gonna cum,” you panted.

“Oh, honey, please cum on me, I wanna feel you squeeze me, feels so fucking good,” he rambled, his hips stuttering a bit. He was close too.

The circles around your clit became more sloppier and more desperate. Leon was trying like hell to get you to cum before him because he knew he wasn’t going to last.

“Come on, my pretty girl, cum for me, yeah? Please, please cum, I want it so bad, sweet thing,” he whined. A particularly sharp thrust finally sent you over the edge.

The rhythmic clenching of your pussy around him sent him over as well; he soon followed you, spilling into you with a cry. You rode him through both of your orgasms, finally lifting yourself off him when the aftershocks died down. He whined at the overstimulation and the feeling of his own cum dripping out of you onto his stomach. You laid next to him with a huff, your legs exhausted.

For the very first time, Leon pulled you into his arms and squeezed you tightly as you lay beside him, one hand rubbing your back gently. You pressed your forehead to his chest, allowing yourself to enjoy the genuine intimacy he was finally affording you, but the feeling was cut short by another more unpleasant one that made you grimace.

“Lee, I gotta get up. Your cum is oozing out onto the sheets.

“Stay here for just a few more minutes, sweet girl,” he replied sleepily. “I’ll help you change the sheets later.”

YEEEAAAAH I LOVE MISUNDERSTANDING TROPE

[xoxo-ren-xoxo]

Every Single (Hermitcraft/etc.) AU Idea I Have Ever Had

This is... what it says on the tin. It is a long post. I do not expect it to get any traction. I am doing this for autism reasons. Some ideas are actually excluded because there is zero substance to them. Sorry I don't think anyone wants to hear my 1000 'what if Grian... was sad' ideas.

Many of these (most of them) were made in collaboration with @angeart which explains why they are so sad and also Mostly Scarian. It doesn't always say it's shipping but it usually is. We are Grian Girlies. Sorry.

If you want to hear more about ANY of the ideas listed here, feel free to shoot me an ask :) I LOVE RANTING ABOUT THESE IDEAS. There are even links to fics where they exist.

Each idea needs different warnings so any major CWs will be listed at the start of each summary so you can skip any one you want.

It begins... below the cut

COMMS AU

READ THE FIC HERE

WHAT THE HELL IS COMMS AU?

My main multichapter fic, ongoing and insane

A multiverse nonsense trip wrapped in an audio transcript format

Grumbo Apocalypse Monster AU

CW: minor character death, existential dread, gross / graphic imagery

Grian is a shapeshifting monster drawn into human life by the apocalypse, and Mumbo is a human who attempts to survive the horrors

Main characters: Grian & Mumbo (duh!)

Side characters: Pearl, Scar, Cub, Joe, Cleo, Xisuma, “Evil Xisuma”, Martyn

Tumblr Masterpost

READ THE FIC HERE

Vex Hunger Kidnapping Griangst AU

CW: discrimination, starvation, cannibalism (non-consensual), gore

Grian (avian) and Cub (vex) are kidnapped by scientists on their way back from MCC. They are kept in a cell where Cub is starved until he goes feral and starts attacking Grian out of Vex instincts.

Also eats Grian a lot. Don't worry, Grian can respawn, but he respawns back in the cell in a puddle of his own blood, only to be torn to pieces again.

They are rescued by the hermits. Now traumatised! Yippee!

Things get worse before they get better

Basically, Grian’s self-destructive trauma urges: the movie

Main characters: Grian, Cub, Scar, Mumbo

Side characters: Hermit ensemble

Evil Scar Corruption AU

CW: mind control, kidnapping, torture, amputation, manipulation / mindbreak

Scar gets corrupted by the Vex which take over his mind. His love for Grian is mutated into selfish obsession, and eventually he kidnaps and tortures him in an attempt to make him stay forever.

Cuts off his wings and everything. (they grow back)

Eventually the hermits find out and lock Scar up while trying to heal Grian - but Grian broke somewhere along the way and now thinks what Scar was doing was true love.

Scar comes back to his senses and the guilt hits him like a truck. Eventually he leaves the server and runs into his own Bad Relationship but don't worry about this.

Grian’s self-destructive urges: the sequel

Main characters: Scar, Grian

Side characters: Xisuma, Cub, Pearl, Mumbo, hermit ensemble

The Facility AU

CW: near-death experience

Xisuma runs a top secret facility dedicated to the safety and containment of supernatural/otherworldly beings and entities.

Kind of like SCP but nicer.

Field workers Scar, Grian, and Cub are continuously put through the wash while other facility employees (namely Etho and Bdubs) have quirky little romance arcs. 

Grian nearly dies because of a swimming pool btw. There is so much to this fic I cannot possibly explain here.

Main characters Arc 1: Scar, Grian, Cub, Mumbo

Main characters Arc 2: Scar, Grian, BigB, Cub, Mumbo

Side characters Arc 1: Xisuma, Keralis, Zedaph, Joe, Cleo, Bdubs, Etho

Side characters Arc 2: Martyn, Scott, Ren, Tango, Impulse, Gem, Skizz, False

Superheroes and Villains AU

CW: not mentioned here but there is gore / surgery and alien mushrooms that kill people

In the city of Blackstone, vigilante HotGuy works alongside the Hero Bureau to catch villains and keep the city safe.

Between trying to save the person behind Mother Spore, and rebuilding his old friendship with Cub - now turned villain - HotGuy must look through the gaps of the Hero Bureau to see the corruption lurking within.

Main characters: Scar, Grian, Cub, Pearl, The Watchers

Side characters: Mumbo, Joe, Cleo, Gem, Ren, Doc, Keralis, Beef, Tango, various hermits

Read the summary here

Hero AU 2

CW: discrimination

Grian and Scar live in a city where hybrids are second-class citizens

Grian is an activist who gets beaten up and arrested a lot

Scar is secretly the superhero HotGuy, who is controlled by the city's government - as HotGuy, he pretends to be human

Grian thinks HotGuy should use his power for good, and dislikes HotGuy because he upholds the human power structure - he does not know Scar is HotGuy

Main Characters: Scar, Grian

Side Characters: ?

Respawn Enabled Hybrid Farms AU

CW: extreme dehumanisation, cannibalism, abuse of power

Global Moderators have passed cross-server laws denying the rights of hybrid players and placing most hybrids in farms to be butchered like cattle for food and resources.

Grian, born and raised on one of these farms, escapes to Hermitcraft where he learns how to be a person with agency and freedom (ahem. only to have it taken away again. and again...).

Main characters Arc 1: Grian, Mumbo, Ren, Scar

Main characters Arc 2: Grian, Pearl, Mumbo, Scar, Ren, Xisuma, Evil X, Keralis

Main characters Arc 3: Grian, Mumbo, Scar, Pearl, Gem, Ren, Impulse, Doc, Cub, Xisuma

Side Characters: hermit ensemble

Hybrid Farms (Worse Version)

CW: mentioned death, extreme discrimination, cannibalism

Hybrids are farmed as food but this time there is no respawn

More of a modern AU

READ IT HERE

Main characters: Mumbo & Grian

Side characters: Life series ensemble

'Introduction to Being a Person'

CW: human experimentation

In a desperate attempt to subdue the rebelling masses, a corrupt government begins experimenting on people to create war machines. In the dystopian wastes of civilization, escaped experiment Tango must grapple with his identity and newfound freedom, while turf wars and deception lie around every corner.

Main characters: Tango, Grian, Ren

Side characters: Experiment Army: Scar, Cub, Cleo, Joe, Gem, Pearl; Steel Wheels: False, Etho, Keralis; Helping Hands: Iskall, Stress, Xisuma; Connected Mankind: Mumbo; Last Stand: Doc, Bdubs; Unaffiliated: Impulse, Zedaph

Tomorrow AU

CW: death / existential themes, human experimentation / dehumanisation, torture

Based very loosely on World Of Tomorrow by Don Hertzfeldt

Scar, co-CEO of ConCorp, buys a body that was grown in a lab with the intention of dissecting it

Despite the body being suspended in fluid all its life, it wakes up before Scar can do anything - it's alive, but doesn't know how to speak or move

Later, this lab-grown creature becomes Grian, learns how to speak and walk, and finds out about the impending heat death of the planet

Meanwhile, we have unethical treatment of prisoners, moon science, dogman and the existential existence of clones

Main characters: Scar, Grian, Bdubs, Doc, Ren, Pearl

Side characters: [The Prison Cube], Mumbo, Xisuma, Cleo, Etho, Cub

Secret Life Watcher AU

CW: none?

All the life series players find out Grian is a Watcher at the start of Secret Life and then they are mean to him. 

Also Grian may become evil at some point. But he deserves to have a villain arc.

Main characters: guess

Elliot Smith AU

CW: major character death, self loathing, existential themes

Based on my Watcher Lore

READ THE FIC HERE

In which Grian is killed at the end of Evo and his code and memories are placed into a Watcher version of him, creating a Watcher-Vessel in a process called ‘Transfer’

Mostly about both the grief of Grian’s old friends as they discover what happened to him, and the ethical / philosophical debate Grian has with himself about who he is and why people are upset about it - he's the ship of theseus kind of

Called ‘Elliott Smith AU’ because each installment in the series has a different Elliott Smith song title as a title

Main characters: Grian(?), Pearl, Jimmy, Scar, Xisuma, Martyn

Side characters: Watchers, Listeners, BigB, Scott

Elliot Smith AU AU - a different timeline

CW: major character death, existential themes

Grian gets taken by the Watchers after Limited Life and they kill him & replace him with a perfect copy of himself. Moral, ethical, and emotional dilemmas unfurl. Offshoot from my main Watcher-Grian fic (Elliott Smith AU) of the same concept just with a different timeline as to make it way more evil.

Main characters: Grian(?), Scar, Mumbo, Pearl

Side characters: hermit ensemble

Elliot Smith AU AU - a worse outcome

CW: major character death, existential themes

An offshoot of the Elliott Smith AU where the hermits (or some of them) are much more aware of what a Watcher is and are much more afraid when Grian is found out

Grian is put in a code prison while the hermits figure out what to do with him (delete his code entirely, ban him, let him stay)

Many conflicting opinions. Many horrible things said and done

Main characters: Grian, Xisuma, Pearl, Scar, Mumbo, Joe Hills somehow

Side characters: Hermit ensemble

Elliott Smith AU: Continuation 1 - BigB

CW: major character death, existential themes

BigB is a Listener - he went through a process called 'Hollowing' which is similar to Grian’s ‘Transfer’ (death and copying) except (as far as BigB is aware) it did not kill him, simply re-made him

Grian doesn’t agree that BigB didn’t die

A lot of philosophical debates here

Main characters: BigB, Grian

Side characters: Martyn, Pearl, Joel, Jimmy, Listeners, Scar

Elliott Smith AU: Continuation 2 - Scar

CW: discussions of major character death, existential themes, betrayal

After winning Secret Life, Scar is taken by the Watchers and nearly turned into one before Grian, Martyn, BigB and the Listeners intervene 

However Scar’s code is damaged and decaying, and Grian needs answers to fix it before Scar is lost forever

He seeks out the Watchers and is told to bring Martyn to them in exchange for Scar’s life being saved

Grian does this, like the sad little bastard he is

Queue Martyn escaping the Watchers anyway and now everything is awful and no one likes anything that has happened

Main characters: Scar, Grian, Martyn

Side characters: BigB, Pearl, Xisuma

Zombie Apoc AU

CW: death, zombies, I think you get the idea

Zombie apocalypse but Grian and Scar just moved in together (gay intent).

Scar gets turned, Grian keeps him in the basement and lures survivors in to keep Scar fed, despite Scar asking Grian to kill him before he turned.

Mumbo shows up and everything goes wrong. And maybe some things go right.

Main characters: Grian, Scar, Mumbo (are you tired of seeing their names yet?)

Side characters: Cleo, Etho, Bdubs; Zedaph, Cub

Zombie Apoc AU 2: this time it's sadder

CW: zombies, death, suicidal thoughts

Long story short is that Grian gets bitten

Scar and Grian live in an abandoned apartment block called ‘Desert View Apartments’ (though they move to Jimmy's farm before Grian gets bit)

Ren, Martyn, Impulse and Skizz hunkered down in the ‘King’s Court Shopping Centre’

Cleo, Bdubs, and Etho are taking refuge in an old castle-turned-museum 

Jimmy, Scott, and Tango live on a farm together

Joel, Lizzie and BigB live in the woods and use plants to stave off the disease

Gem is a travelling mercenary with a pet reindeer who believes the only way to save society is to eradicate all zombies and infected people

Pearl is a nomad with a pack of stray dogs

Mumbo is some guy I'm sure he has a role somewhere

Main characters: Scar and Grian

Side characters: the rest of these idiots

Space Age AU

CW: space colonisation, slavery, death, military stuff

Humans have colonised a large chunk of the galaxy

Grian comes from a group of humans who were against the human empire - said group was attacked, slaughtered, and disbanded

Scar used to be a part of the empire’s militia (though he is an alien, not human) but is no longer part of it

Mumbo does not know whether he is an android or not - androids are a slave class / killed on sight since their war with humans, and humans need to carry ID to prove they are human. Mumbo has an ID, but the tests for humans vs. androids are basically meaningless and inaccurate

Pearl was part of the same group as Grian, was captured and sold into servitude

Scar stows away on Grian’s spaceship (stolen) - Grian freaks out but they become somewhat friends

Scar and Grian go to a planet notorious for hating humans, because Scar wants a job there and Grian wants to get rid of him - Grian gets caught and thrown in prison 

Scar meets Mumbo, a member of the planet’s court, and they work together to break Grian out and the three of them escape 

They journey through space, meeting up with folks like Tango - eventually the gang find a ship run by Watchers (a powerful alien race) and they discover Pearl on board

Main Characters: Grian, Scar, Mumbo, Pearl

Side Characters: Tango, Ren, Jimmy, Scott, Martyn, Gem

Hunger Games AU (Based on Floor 6, a now-deleted Lunch Club AU)

CW: hunger games, unnamed character death, cannibalism, trauma x 10000

Hunger Games universe but the winners all live in a big tower apartment complex with each floor being a new decade of winners

Grian is the most recent winner!

Yes I put him in district 9 for a bread joke.

Scar is my favourite victor because he ate people.

Main characters: Tango (70; 3 - electronics), Ren (71; 2 - weapons), Pearl (72; 10 - animal farming), Scott (73; 4 - fishing), Martyn (74; 4 - fishing), Scar (75; 10 - animal farming), Gem (76; 7 - lumber), Grian (77; 9 - grain), Joel (78; 2 - weapons); BigB (79; 9 - grain), Mumbo (avox, 9 - grain)

Grian Chrysalis AU

CW: insect stuff, body horror

Note I am autistic about this one.

Grian is a weird little guy who has to form a chrysalis and turn into goo before reforming

He needs to do this every few years to keep himself alive, as he is a unique cross between Watcher and player - except no one on Hermitcraft knows this about him, and Grian may have gotten distracted building for so long he forgot to take a vacation away from the server in time to go Bug Mode

So all they know is Grian is missing, and Xisuma is getting corrupted life signals from inside a mysterious chrysalis that has appeared - so they cut open the chrysalis while Grian is still reforming in there

He's goopy (body horror intent)

Main characters: Grian, Scar, Mumbo, Xisuma

Side characters: Hermit ensemble

The Crafting Dead (vine boom sound)

CW: medical torture, zombie apocalypse, captivity

Hermitcraft gets attacked (Watchers?) and lots of hermits are sent off to their own personal hells, with no memories of Hermitcraft

Xisuma has to go find them and bring them home and help them heal and re-introduce them to Hermitcraft and hopefully get their memories back

Scar is our main focus here - he’s stuck in the zombie apocalypse world of The Crafting Dead, where he spent his childhood and teen years before being rescued by Xisuma - now in his 30s, he thinks he’s been stuck there his whole life 

Grian is having a bad time being fledged into a proper Watcher, forced to Watch, since he never escaped

Mumbo's in a cult and might be evil (it's fine. He's fine.) (Lie)

Pearl is roaming the forests with a ghostly wolf, her enemies blood long gone but still fresh on her hands as resources dwindle in a tiny world (Double Life)

Tango is chained like a beast in an underground fighting ring, labelled with a nickname that isn't his and placed in a betting pool with odds stacked highly in his favour (he always wins) (he has to win) (there is no respawn here)

Impulse has been freshly captured and put in the same lineup, odds stacked quite tremendously against him (they don't know what he is) (he could end them all with a snap of his fingers) (don't corner a demon)

Doc is huddled in the corner of a lab he never left, scientist-turned-experiment, taken apart and put back together again different, wrong, as more additions pile onto his growing list of hybridities (they've given him wings, and taken his eye)

Main characters: Scar, Xisuma, Grian, Pearl, Mumbo, Tango, Impulse, Doc

Side characters: Hermit ensemble

Pirate Boatem But Evil And Mean

CW: major character death, cannibalism, ghost stuff

READ THE FIC HERE

Pirate crew Boatem get kicked off their ship and put on a desert island by Captain Scar

Survival cannibalism

Magic / curse ending

Ghost Grian

They go hunt down Scar at the end 

Main characters: Impulse, Grian, Mumbo, Pearl, Scar

Side characters: SKIZZ !!!!

I can be your angel….. Or yuor devil….

CW: religious implications?, also death mentions, body horror

Scar is some guy obsessed with the occult who is part of a ghost hunting team with Impulse Gem and Skizz

He finds Grian, a “fallen angel” and decides to take care of him

Grian is actually a demon sent from the void to find a human and bring it to his masters (the Watchers) for harvesting 

Grian used to be human maybe 

Grian is blindfolded - he claims it is so he doesn't taint his purity with the image of the imperfect world but it is really there because his masters don't want him to see the world and fall in love with it. The void is all he knows

Scar teaches Grian self-worth while Grian slowly turns into an eldritch horror beyond comprehension

Main characters: Grian & Scar

Side characters: Impulse, Skizz, Gem, the Watchers

Monster-Pet AU

CW: dehumanisation, discrimination, medical abuse

Hybrids seen as either free labourers or pets depending on how rare they are

Grian is a Watcher, a very rare type of wild hybrid

He’s been a pet for a long time - taken from his flock and completely changed mentally

They de-clawed my boy, they took his sharp teeth away

One day he wanders away from his owners house by accident and stumbles into Hermitcraft (a free, hybrid-run town)

Healing arc but he struggles very hard to understand he isn't a pet

Pearl, former flockmate-turned-feral Watcher, attacks him when she finds him, reduced to believing any weak flockmate will lead to them being captured again

Main characters: Grian, Scar, Pearl

Side characters: hermit ensemble

Solaris AU

CW: major character death, existential themes, spoilers for Solaris (1972)

Solaris (1972) AU

But with my own added flavour and twists

Scar is Kris Kelvin, Cub and Mumbo are the other two scientists, Grian is the dead wife

Philosophical.

Main characters: Scar, Grian, Mumbo, Cub

Fantasy AU (Kingdoms AU)

MASTERPOST

READ THE FIC HERE

Monster Hunter AU

CW: vampires & blood drinking, unnamed character deaths (many), discrimination

Grian and Mumbo are vampire hunters, part of the Hunter's Guild, dedicated to killing monsters

Dramatic backstory time: Grian's home village was slaughtered by vampires, leaving only orphaned children behind - he has a lot of vampire related trauma and has channeled that into becoming one of the best hunters around

Problem: Mumbo is secretly a vampire

Problem 2: Grian is about to find out

Angst 🙂 lots of it

There are humans, vampires, were(wolves, etc), fair-folk, demons/gorgons/devils, and potionmakers

Main characters: Grian, Mumbo

Side characters: Scar, Cub, Etho, Cleo, Bdubs

Popstar Grian / Ari AU

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Disaster Rescue Team AU

CW: survival cannibalism, systemic discrimination, torture, medical abuse

Scar, Pearl, Skizz, Impulse, Bdubs, Tango, Etho, Cub, and Mumbo are a disaster rescue team who specialise in helping hybrids

Grian is an avian living on a remote island that is destroyed by a storm, and he is trapped there for years until he's the only survivor left, the mainland government ignoring the situation

He's forced to resort to cannibalism to survive, then he's rescued

Scar is the therapist of the group who spends time working with Grian to rehabilitate him

Sadly most of his clients end up in bad situations, going missing, or in prison because the mainland is incredibly discriminatory

There is a government conspiracy happening where hybrids are being taken away after leaving the rescue facility and used for medical or scientific experimentation

Bad things happen to the gang.

Main characters: Scar, Pearl, Skizz, Impulse, Bdubs, Tango, Etho, Mumbo, Cub, Grian

Side characters: Ren :)

The ones who walk away from Omelas AU

CW: torture and abuse, like, a lot of it

Based on the story 'The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas' but with my own changes, for fun. This is actually one of my faves.

In the city of Omelas, life is perfect - there is no crime, no homelessness, no suffering. It is a Utopia

This Utopia comes at a cost, a single citizen, chosen randomly, must bear the suffering of all others, kept alone, starved and entirely isolated, underground, their whole life

The children of Omelas are shown this suffering early, to get them used to the idea. When they are horrified, they are told about the greater good of this sacrifice.

When Scar is a child, he sees the suffering scapegoat, at the time around his own age, and vows to rescue him one day

Twenty years later, he makes good on that promise

Main characters: Scar, Grian

Side characters: Joel, Impulse, Skizz

City Blues AU

CW: organ harvesting, gang violence, references to drugs

Architect Grian gets fired from his job, and has to move to the bad part of the city for the first time ever. There he is very quickly noted and attacked, but a cunning drug dealer saves him.

He's given a place to stay by the salesman, Scar, but he owes the man. He has to work as an errand boy for a while to earn his freedom.

I mean, how hard could it be?

(it's considerably more difficult when he develops a crush)

(and because everyone in this place wants to get their hands on his kidneys)

Main characters: Scar, Grian

Side characters: Mumbo, Cub, Stress, Iskall, Cleo

Convexian Serial Killers AU

CW: murder, no seriously our protagonists are killers and they get away with it, no moralising here they are just evil little freaks for fun, also cannibalism

Scar and Cub are serial killers who kill while their housemate, Grian, is out working for days on end

Grian happens to come home early one time and finds them mid-kill

After a series of breakdowns and a lot of throwing up, Grian gets kind of into it tbh

He watches the kills (and enjoys taunting the victims) and acts as friendly, harmless bait for other victims

Scar and Cub also introduce him to cannibalism, and he gets a little bit obsessed with trying to hunt down other avians to kill

Scar and Cub are human, while Grian is an avian, and though Scar expresses his love with violent fantasies, they would never hurt Grian

Grian's friends: Mumbo, Jimmy and Pearl, may have a little to say about this when they find out ^-^

Main characters: I just listed them

Side characters: Gem yayyyyy

AAAND THATS IT. I missed quite a few shorter / less dense AU ideas and possibly some bigger ones I have forgotten. Oops if so.

Remember, if you wanna know more about any of these, please send an ask, and specify which AU youre asking about obviously! If you read this far I am honestly shocked at your ability to put up with That Many scarian ideas.

Also feel free to riff on any of these if one stands out to you as interesting. I love hearing / seeing other people's interpretations of my stuff :D

[honey-minded-hivemind]

My Parent ABO AUs in X-Men Evolution sounds interesting to me, so I think I'm going to explore that for a minute:

• So, I have two different ABO Parent AUs, with everyone's two favorite ferals, Wolverine and Sabretooth. And honestly, X-Men Evolution seems like a good media to have the aus set in, due to having teens, friendship, less romance drama, compelling story arcs, and seeing these characters in a new light, exploring their potential in a more... kid-friendly way? Well, without too much romance, petty drama, and squabbling.

• I've explained in previous posts what any of my ABO AUs entail, not just the general one or the Parent ones. What they entail is this: Betas are more sturdy and hardy than either Alphas or Omegas, and can adapt easier than they can (they aren't side-lined) and can either have a baby or give someone a baby; Alphas tend to be fleet, fast and strong, but aren't as largely built as others, yet are incabale of having a baby (they don't have wombs); and Omegas aren't weak or meek, they're the strongest and most protective, but only have wombs. ABOs are one of the types of gender, male and female and nonbinary and trans and everything else still exist, too, but the mutants are the ones who tend to have the ABO traits highlighted and more influential in their lives.

• Other people (the humans) have ABO, but not as strong or prominent as mutants. The mutants tend to have more instincts, more urges, than a human would. And example: Human sees a cute animal, they find it cute or go meh. A mutant sees it, they like it/love it, they immediately want to hug it and adopt it. Mutants have powers, so imagine due to the mutations, it enhances any instincts or urges at least 10× more than a regular human.

• For the ABO Parent AUs in X-Men Evolution, I think I need to explore one at a time. Each person has their own history and personality, and since these aus are set entirely apart, it's best to explore them separately. With that tidbit said, let's try Logan first (favorite X-Men dad, who adopts every kid he sees)

• I headcanon that for X-Men Evo, he is an asexual. The reason he likely ever did the deed would be for one of two reasons: 1, he had a partner he loved, and wanted to meet their more private needs, and agreed to it, or 2, he wanted a baby, knew what was required, and did what he had to to get said baby. I wouldn't put either past him, since we do see him being empathetic and caring, even if he acts like he isn't, and would do what he thought was best.

• One way or another, he ends up pregnant (yes, he's an Omega, remember, strong and overprotective, fits), and he's rather pleased. The guy, no matter what X-Men media, adopts just about every child and teen he sees. So, yeah, I think this would make sense. During the pregnancy, he's protective, soft, and cuddly. Talks to the baby (reader), eats a lot to keep up with his metabolism and to keep his bby fed, and let's his friends (Charles Xavier and Ororo Munroe/Storm) dote on him.

• Then, when the time comes to have the bby... worse comes to worse. He's somehow in the hands of his enemies, he's on his own, and he can't stop what's already begun. By the end of it, he's exhausted, in pain, and barely coherent... but before he can even get more than a glimpse of his bby, they're taken away. No matter what he begs, no matter what he screams, he can't get free and he can't sense his child anywhere nearby.

• When he's rescued, it feels hollow. They search, tearing thoroughly through the building, looking high and low for any sign, anything, to hint to what happened to his child. But they find nothing... He doesn't give up, hunting through the halls to find what trace he can... Yet all he finds is the smallest cloth covered in blood, stained with his and his bby's scent... And he and his friends fear the worse had happened...

• He goes through a depression, trying to find anything left of his bby, and finding nothing. Charles does his best to help, offering aid and any resources he can to help his friend. Storm does her best to soothe him, sitting through the worst of it and consoling him, even sitting through the nights with him just so he won't be alone. And then Scott and Jean enter the three's lives... and then there's hope again, joy...

• And over the next few years, Logan slowly heals some of the pain. He has to help these two kids who need their help, his help, and he has to be there. It doesn't heal everything, but it numbs some of the grief, letting him feel some bit of happiness again. And as the other X-Men teens show up a few years later, he stays there for them. He isn't leaving these kids behind, not when they need him, need the pack he and the other adults provide. He wants to be there for them, to offer advice and soothe their fears and be everything he was denied to be with his own bby. He loves the teens, and would do whatever it took to keep them safe, the way he couldn't protect his own bby in the past or love on them...

• The teens do eventually find out that their resident Team Dad had a baby in the past, and feel a bit of heartbreak too. For Scott and Jean, they realize that would explain some of the sadness he had in the past when they first arrived, and why he was so careful with them, and then the others. For the other teens, they feel sympathy, and even empathy. For all the teens, they've dealt with their own losses, and they think they can understand their friend dad a little better...

• Yet the entire time... the reader wasn't dead. While they were taken away to be cleaned up and then taken to be experimented on, one of the nurses had a change of heart, realizing that the baby they were holding was just that, a baby. One they just took away from their parent, and planned to hurt. With that, when the other nurses leave, and they go to transfer the reader, they instead leave with them, taking them away from the labs and deciding to find someone to care for them...

• And the reader grows up, never knowing what transpired. Their life wasn't perfect, and they had their fair share of early traumas, but they did have at least one person in their life who loved them, and for them, that was enough. Yet over the years, that person's health worsens, to the point they are in the hospital. They know someone who can help the reader, or so they think, and decide to direct the reader to that area, which puts them in the same area as everyone else...

• The reader doesn't take their loved one's passing well, but soldiers on. They do their best to get along with their contact, only to find they're left on their own. They have enough money for necessities, and a place to live, but they don't have a way to stay in touch with their new guardian. Reader takes everything as best they can, and pushes down any discontent or pain that bubbles to the surface. They want to enjoy life, and plan to do just that, even if it takes awhile.

• They end up in the same school as the teens, and is a quiet, lone figure in and outside the classes. They don't talk to anyone unless they have to, keeping to their own devices and staying away from others their age, and a few people seem to think they'd make a good target for bullying. They try to push the reader around, only to be met with a vice-like grip that threatens to crush their arm, and warned in the coldest voice they heard to get lost. Thus leads to the reader now having a reputation as the mysterious lone wolf of the school.

• The X-Men and Brotherhood teens heard of the reader, but never put much thought into it... Uuuntil the adults of their groups inform them they sensed mutant activity, and it appears the reader is said new mutant. Which leads to the most awkward ways of getting to know someone. Each teen from each group has their own idea of how to approach the reader, and are doing their best to not be put off by the task at hand. But hearing that the quiet mystery kid at school is the newest possible recruit gives them a feeling of trepidation... They really don't want to end up with a broken hand, or worse...

• Yet somehow, someway, they do end up talking with the reader... And are relieved that they aren't too bad. A little gruff, and cutting to the point, but they aren't that bad (they haven't seen certain team members before their morning coffee). When they try to talk about being mutants, that's when the reader tries to back out. They don't want anything to do with that, or being around other people, especially teens. They've been hurt before, and aren't keen to relive those experiences... Well, the teens don't leave them alone. They pester the reader, asking what their power is and trying to figure it out on their own, and finally their troubles are rewarded...

• And then they realize that oh cr*p they have claws like Logan (the Brotherhood teens know who he is, they've heard Sabretooth/Victor talk about him, and they have actually met Logan. People get along better in the ABO AUs). Aaaand now they are all trying to figure out what to say. How do you you tell someone, "Hi, yeah, we know your dad/uncle, so can you please come with us so we can show you to them?" The teens all around are doing their best to figure out how to break the news, but now the reader makes more sense now, because oh, that's why they look a bit familiar, they're related to him. Cue the teens rushing off to call their pack parents to share the news...

• And when they do get the news... it's a lot to take in. How do they even begin to process it? And how do they break it to the reader, who they know doesn't know anything about their parentage or what finding them means? Breaking the news to Logan, he has to take a minute. And then, with every bit of urgency and seriousness, asks if it's true. When he's met with the answer, that it is, he's... he's elated. Warm. Feels like crying. Because his bby wasn't dead, and they were nearby, alive and well. And even though he wants to rush in, to see them immediately... he doesn't. For his bby's sake, and for his kids sake, he and the other adults shouldn't rush it. His bby knows nothing about him or the truth behind what happened, who they were, and if they tell them, they have to do so as carefully as possible. Thus begins the befriending of his bby by his kids, plus the Brotherhood teens.

• (Yes, Victor finds out, and for him, he's glad his brother's child isn't dead. But he does plan to have them on the Brotherhood's side, so they're close by and so his brother will actually visit him and join him )

• And the reader has no clue all of this is going on. They just know that the Xavier and Brotherhood teens are acting weirdly friendly and interested in them, and they have to try to not be panicked. Attention on them isn't something they like, and suddenly having a bunch of teenagers interested in you feels like too much for them. Reader does their best to stay polite, but keeps themself from connecting too much with them. Yeah, no one's having that. Everyone is trying to find out how to approach them, and how to try to get them to join their side, while doing their absolute best to curb their own instincts telling them they have a new friend/sibling that should be with them, not away from them, and should be in the pack nest, under a dozen blankets...

• Finally, they're able to get the reader to open up a bit, little by little. Finding someone caring and afraid underneath, who unconsciously has been denying and burying their instincts all their life, trying to be what they thought was normal. And the teens are quick to tell the adults, who are then quick to speed things up a little. Yet teens have a plan of their own: Invite the reader to their home, and get the adults to see for themselves they need them, need a proper pack and some proper TLC.

• Reader does eventually meet Logan, and he's doing his best to stay calm as his kids present his long lost bby to him, who's waving awkwardly and asking if he's okay, he looks a bit pale- And for the rest of the time reader is at the mansion, he's keeping an eye on the teens, noting how they and his bby are, glad to see them getting along and safe...

• And after a few months, the groups decide they should break the news to reader. The reader deserves the truth, and they're all friends now, so they hope for the best. The groups are careful, asking as gently as possible what the reader knows about their parent/s or guardians... and then tell them they know someone like them, who is just like they are, mutation and all... The reader doesn't need much to read into what they're saying, and feels a bit... scared. They have a feeling whatever the teens tell them, they expect a certain answer, and they won't take kindly to the wrong one. And when the news does break, the reader is quiet. Taking it in. And asks if that changes anything. The teens are quiet, studying the reader, and doing their best to stay calm... The reader asks to have some time on their own, leaving as quick as possible. They're overwhelmed, and they're pretty sure the odd behaviors of everyone isn't a sign of good for them, and realize that their gut feelings from before, that the groups had something dark, something off about them, were right...

• Over the next few weeks, the reader tries to avoid the teens, and tries to make a plan to find leave town for awhile. They want to run, to hide, to get away from it all. Something is telling them to run, to leave as fast as possible, that something isn't right, and this time, the reader wants to listen to it. But as they go to get some air, to calm down, they find someone they didn't expect to see. Logan. Who said the kids sent him to check up on them, since they haven't seen them for awhile. And the reader knows, somehow, that he and the others know what they planned to do, and feels fear flood them. Yet they stay still and do their best to brush off any concern, hoping against the odds to leave before anyone takes notice...

• Then Logan cuts to the chase, asks the reader why they want to run, why they're ignoring the others... and the reader bolts. They run, as fast as they can, sliding through the house and out the back door, trying to run from everything that's happening and the panic eating through them...

• And Logan follows. He isn't alone, but the others decided to stay in the van, to give the reader some space. Clearly that wasn't the answer. He knows they're being eaten up inside, that they're unsure what road to take next and overwhelmed, but frome everything Jean could read from their mind, they were in danger of running off, of hurting themself, and he can't let that happen. It's not hard to track his bby, or for him to approach them from the shadows. But he and his pack aren't losing them, and if that means they have to step in, so be it.

• And the reader knows the moment they catch a scent in the wind, a scent that's so similar to their's, that they've been found. They watch carefully as Logan approaches them, and has to fight down every urge to cry, to break down, to give in. Yet all he does is stay a few feet away, making gentle noises. And he talks, asking what's wrong and why they want to run so bad. Asking if that's what they really want. Telling them they won't be hurt, that they care, he cares, and he's there to keep them safe. Then just as carefully, he hugs them. And it feels so, so good...

• The reader shakes, trying not to let the fearful noises slip past them. The arms around them are firm, warm, promising nothing but gentleness and protection. And yet they still feel anxious. A hand rubs circles into their back, and they can hear the noises better now, soft chuffs, like an animal trying to calm its baby. And for a minute, they let it sink in, the comfort they've wanted, that they've needed, freely given and so, so warm... Yet they try to pull away. They can't have it, they can't put themslef through the pain of having it, that love and care, turn against them... But all the grip around them does is tighten, the noises growing louder and more determined... And just as softly... something sharp presses into their shoulder. And they suck in a sharp breath,, struggling as they realize what just happened.

• Tears sting their eyes as they become desperate, trying to tug themself away, only to be pulled back into the grip. The hand on their back keeps rubbing warm circles, and they feel their head tucked underneath their captor's chin. A sob escapes them, as a deep rumble comes from the one holding them. Whatever they were injected with, they can feel it slowly affecting them. A heaviness enters their thoughts, slowly spreading throughout their body. They try to pull back, but are only met with a deep purr. Everything is... starting to slip. Tiredness consumes them, slumping them into the hold around them. Warmth is over them, pressed into their back and limbs, only helping them drift off into a peaceful darkness. A gentle noise comes from whatever they're against, lulling them to the brink... It feels so good... So calm... The gentle rubbing agsint them continues, and a small hum escapes them... And then, with a small exhale, they slip completely under...

• As his bby passes out, a deep rumble escapes him. His bby is safe, and he can finally take them home, where he and the others can help them and nurture their instincts, right where they always belonged. With a quiet sigh, Logan picks them up, nuzzling his head against their's, then heads back to where the van is. He and the others will explain everything when his bby wakes up, and they'll make everything right again. Everything will be okay. His bby may have tried to run, but he understands that they were scared, anxious, afraid of kind touches and loving words. But he'll help them. They all will. Just a bit of time nurturing them and helping them adjust to the changes, and they can try to get them back in school with the others. They just have to get through the first few stages, starting with bringing them home...

(And that is what I have so far for this au. Things to expect include, but aren't limited to: group nesting, scenting, chuffs and purring between everyone, protective and possessive behavior, and many pack bonding moments. And yes, Laura shows up, and yes, she's added too. Victor makes an appearance, multiple times, to meet his nibblings and to try and get Logan to join him... The reader wakes up and kinda knees someone in the crotch. Then tries to act like nothing happened the night before. It's a trip for everyone, as they try to care for the reader, only to have to deal with them expecting every kind word and action to have a double meaning, a threat, behind it, a joke against them or a manipulation tactic to hurt them... And the platonic yans realize just how much TLC they need to put into their kid/sibling/friend.)

(P.S.: How the Platonic Yan Teens come to like Reader:

A bully, possibly Duncan or Riley or someone else, messing with one of the teens, acting like a jerk: Ha, what are you gonna do about it, loser?😈

Reader, stepping out from the shadows behind them and tightening a strong hand around the bully's shoulder: What are you gonna do if I break your arm right now?💀😇

Bully, now scared: Get off me, freak! Walks away before reader can follow up on their threat🏃💨

Reader, looking their way, then back at the Platonic Yan Teen: Well... that happened. Have a nice day Pats their shoulder, then walks off before anyone can say anything

Platonic Yan Teen, five seconds later: ... What. The h*ck. Just happened?? Well, looks like we're friends now🤔🤷😍