#by joel because he talks about her past once in only a few short and vague words

[greeenchrysanthemums]

Lizzie is the ruler of Coral Crest.

She took over as queen around the same time that Gem became Wintertide's royal commander, so she has not been in power for very long. She never wanted to be the queen. She had been dreading it for as long as she had lived. Unfortunately, she had no choice but to take over when the previous ruler met their end in the war, for there were no other heirs to take her place.

She was young, but she was by no means inexperienced. She had been watching and learning how to rule a kingdom since she was a small child; she had been more than prepared to take on the job. It was a very sudden and abrupt take over, but she handled it with tremendous grace and efficacy. She immediately put a pause on the fighting and negotiated (with Gem!) for a temporary truce.

She put a great amount of effort into rebuilding and securing her kingdom in the aftermath, as well. She is a cold and practical ruler, but she is not unkind. She does well to make sure all of the citizens in her massive kingdom are well taken care off. The kingdom is perhaps even more well off than before the war.

Lizzie hates Wintertide. Not only did it wage war on her kingdom and force her into a position she never wanted, but she believes Ren to be cruel, and there is something wrong with the land on a deeper level that she can't quite put her finger on. She doesn't want any more bloodshed than necessary, hence why she called an end to the fighting those years ago, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want to see the king brought down to his knees and his people freed of his reign.

When word gets to her about a resistance brewing within Wintertide's borders, well, lets just say she is more than interested...

[gg-pedro]

can you hear the music (ch. 1) - joel miller x reader

masterlist

even here, at the end of all things, some things persisted. one thing in particular, throughout all the places you had been. music.

summary: everyone in jackson is trying to distract themselves from something. you teach ellie piano and find yourself trying to help more than one miller settle into their new world.

warnings: post outbreak!joel, jackson!era, platonic!ellie x reader, implied age gap, joel x reader, AFAB!reader, they kiss lolz, smut to come, pining, feelings.

words: 1.8k

a/n: a little sweet, a little bitter, a little self indulgent. I'm planning on this being a series! I hope you enjoy. warning tags only apply to this chapter.

-

Two knocks. Three. More knocking, hushed squabbling from outside your door. You got up from your seat at the kitchen table, a piling mess of sheet music and scribbled notes.

Opening the door revealed your newest student, Ellie, looking very much like Joel was leading her to the gallows with that scowl on her face. 

“Can we just get this over with? I’m fucking hungry.” Ellie pushed past you, shrugging off her coat and kicking off her boots. 

“I’m sorry… ‘bout her. She likes doin’ this, I swear. Always comes back talking about it. Just give her some time to warm up to you.”

Joel had this particular look on his face whenever he talked about that little girl. His dark eyes would soften and he’d push a hand through his graying hair, his thoughts seeming like they were somewhere else entirely from his surroundings. The most he ever said to you was about Ellie. Everything you knew about Joel was from Ellie, naturally.

He was from Texas. He was fairly older than you– you didn’t have much experience from when it was before the end of the fucking world. He sounded tightly wound. He could play the guitar, and he’d taught Ellie a few things. Once, she’d said that he only liked piano music if Billy Joel was playing it, whoever that was. That made you laugh.

You gave him a thin smile, crossing your arms over your chest to ward off the draft that was blowing through the open door. “I know. She’s a great kid, I can tell she wants to learn. I think it helps her– you know, keeping busy.”

Joel met your eyes for the first time since the conversation had started, something painful and poignant seeping into his expression. 

“Yeah. I think so.” He was quiet for a few seconds before looking straight over you to grab Ellie’s attention. “I’ll be back in an hour. I’m down the street helpin’ Tommy with that old building. Be good,” he warned, before giving you a grateful nod and turning back. 

And that was your routine. Joel was usually short with you, a little quiet, a little shy. You thought he was a sweet man– and a painfully attractive one at that. All southern and rough, broad shouldered, puppy-dog eyed. He seemed like he would do anything to keep that girl safe. You were glad the community had someone like him.

You had started teaching Ellie a few weeks after they had settled into Jackson. It was mostly because of Maria’s recommendation, who you were fairly close with. Ellie had hated taking lessons from you more vehemently in the beginning, but the more you worked at it, the more comfortable you saw her get. 

“Come on, kid. This is good for your brain,” you would say, beckoning her to sit next to you on the piano bench. 

She scoffed, but yet she obliged. “This is dumb. I could be doing something useful. Like shooting guns.”

“Art is as important, Ellie. More important than shooting guns. For you, anyway."

Her fingers tapped gingerly on the keys and she played a scale they had learned the week before. “How would you know? You aren’t even old,” she countered. “How long have you been playing?”

You glanced over at the clock. You two were wasting time, but at least she was talking. “My whole life, give or take. I tried to hold onto it whenever I could. It was my favorite thing in the entire world.”

She nodded, seeming to understand. “That’s cool. I get why Joel likes you.”

You didn’t think Joel was someone who particularly liked you. He didn’t dislike you, clearly, but if he had given any hints, they had been falling on deaf ears. You tried your best to keep your expression neutral. “And why’s that?”

She giggled to herself as she flipped through the pages of her sheet music booklet. “‘Cause you’re both fucking weird.”

You laughed too, punching her gently in the arm. “Fair. Now stop stalling and play me whatever you remember.”

Life was special nowadays. More precious than it ever had been. You would have to cherish moments like these. Loss was all around, and loving always risked the hurt. You were really, really fucking tired of hurting. 

-

Walking back to your home, trudging through the snow, you were tired. Working in Jackson’s small clinic was easy enough, but it was draining. You saw to children mainly, bandaging up wounds and dosing out rations of antibiotics when needed. The kids liked you, the parents liked you, and that was rewarding, but plastering on a smile and a light-hearted tone all day sometimes felt like too fucking much. 

So naturally, you were ready to pick a fight when you felt a broad hand consume your shoulder. 

You turned around to match the disembodied hand to a face, only to see Joel Miller. He looked tired, more tired than you, and a little sad. 

“Sorry, I wasn’t tryin’ to scare you. I saw you, and I…” He paused, looking down at the two sets of footprints that had outlined both of your paths. “Ellie isn’t feeling well. I think it’s best she skips y’alls lesson tomorrow.”

She released the breath she'd been holding. For some reason, he had the tendency to precede the things he said as if he was about to tell you that the world was ending. Again.

“That’s fine, don’t worry about it. Is she alright?” 

“Yeah, she’s alright. This whole things a big fuckin’ adjustment, and I… I worry she’ll push herself too much if nobody stops her,” he explained. “She’s been with Maria all day. But yeah, she’ll be okay.”

Ah. He was worried about her. It seemed like he was always worrying about her. “I understand. Can’t imagine what it must be like for her. And you.”

She’ll push herself if nobody stops her. Who stopped Joel? Who looked out for him? His brother, surely, but was it like that? Did those two, hardened and stretched thin, have the time to be concerned about things like that? How long had he just been… going?

You reached a hand out to touch his upper arm, rubbing it a little before pulling away. “You’re a good man, Joel. I really think that, and I hope you know it.”

He laughed a little at that. “I haven't done any good, trust me on that.”

You dropped your gaze and looked away. You knew that everyone here, without a shadow of a doubt, had done things they weren’t proud of. Things they never would’ve done if not at the end of the world.

You were maybe 20 steps from your front door, standing out in the Wyoming cold with him. You tried to meet his eyes before speaking again, but he wouldn’t face you. 

“Come in. Please, I insist. Warm up, I just traded for coffee.”

He looked like he was fighting with himself for a few seconds, raising his head and looking off to the side. “Yeah, alright. Why not.”

-

Joel Miller was sitting in your living room, sipping from a mug so carefully that you’d think he was afraid he’d break it. The fire was lit and casting warm shadows across the dim room. It was endearing. You hadn’t felt like this in a lifetime. 

“I couldn’t do it. What you do. Dealing with all those kids,” he said after a long lapse of quiet.

You shrugged, sipping on your own cup. “I love it. I never thought I’d have the chance to play music again, much less teach. It’s not perfect, but it's something,” you said. “Ellie tells me you play guitar.”

Joel rolled his eyes and finally sunk back into his chair instead of hunching over. He groaned a little as he did it, as if he stored all of his tension in his back. “Yeah, used to. I ain’t good at it anymore.”

“But you used to be?” You pried.

He finally looked at you, his eyes infinitely more dark in this light. “Maybe. Don’t think I’d be able to forget how to play even if I tried, so might as well put it to some use.”

You smiled. “I know. Funny how things stick with you. Muscle memory.”

He nodded. “Somethin’ like that.”

And it was true. There were lots of things neither of you would forget how to do, no matter how much time had lapsed in between the before and the now. And sure, most of what you had learned happened after the world had ended, but that was irrelevant. The most important things had always been there. You’d known how to love for your entire life.

His eyes wandered over to the old upright piano situated on the wall in the living room. “Is she any good on that thing?” He asked.

You thought about Ellie, who would curse everytime she slipped on a scale, who would argue fervently about how that squiggly shit on the sheet music could possibly mean anything, who learned faster than any of your other kids.

“She is. She’s impressive. She picked up Old McDonald Had a Farm like that.” You grinned, snapping your fingers for effect. 

He smiled thinly, his mind clearly somewhere else. “Explains why she won’t stop humming that shit. Thanks for that, by the way.”

“My pleasure, Joel.” You laughed. “You finished with that?” You gestured to his empty mug.

“Yeah. Hey, I’ll help you.”

You were elbow to elbow with each other at the sink, cleaning out the liquid and the scattered coffee grounds from the bottoms of your respective cups. Joel took yours and placed it on the drying rack, wiping his hands off with the towel you passed to him.

You leaned back against the island as he turned his back to the sink. He was so tall, so rugged, so handsome. His age only added to it. He had a softness around his eyes now, his features slightly obscured by the absence of much light.

“Should probably take off… Thank you. For the drink,” Joel began.

“Don’t thank me, I’d do it anytime. Tell Ellie that I hope she’s feeling better soon.”

He nodded, and he swallowed. He wasn’t making any moves to leave, save for his eyes on the door. They flicked back to you, watching you, scanning you up and down until he finally said, 

“You’re gonna kill me, sweetheart, lookin’ at me like that.”

You weren’t really sure of how it all happened, but in an instant your bodies were pressed together with your lower back digging into the dull edge of the island counter, Joel’s lips pressed to yours like he was seeking oxygen.

His free hand felt up your body, and your skin was on fire. A match thrown onto a pool of gasoline. Everything was electric. He kissed you like he’d learned it in another life, back when love was free, when forever was a tangible thing, when strings weren’t attached. You felt it all on your lips and tongue, in the bonfire that was being fanned in your abdomen.

When he stepped back, you pulled him in for more. The opposite reaction to the Earth pulling down on you is you pulling the Earth back up. You tangled your hands in his soft hair, and his dug into the fabric of your jeans on your hips.

You both came up for air after a while, having migrated to the entrance of the kitchen. He had you backed up against the beam of the open doorway, tucking both sides of your hair behind you ear to see your face.

"Shouldn't be doing this," he mumbled, nipping at the warm skin on your neck.

"Maybe not," you conceded. I didn't mean you couldn't want it– what he could give you. You'd all done wrong things. "You could still stay."

"Yeah," he responded, pressing his body against yours and sweeping a hand over to cradle your lower back. "Still could."

Maybe it wasn't a lie. Maybe that glassy, far off look wouldn't be permanent. It could be like this. You could have a reason.

And yeah, maybe Joel knew more than he let on. Some things never really left him.

-

[deakyjoe]

There Are No Words Left To Speak

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader (no pronouns used)

Category: unspecified

Summary: Joel watches you from afar and decides he needs to invite you in closer.

Warnings: they’re awkward but none (I think but correct me if I’m wrong)

Word count: 1k (short and sweet)

A/N: Joel Miller in HBO’s The Last of Us has consumed by brain and now every thought is about him. I wrote this with Pedro Pascal’s portrayal in mind but obviously feel free to think about Joel from the game if you prefer that!

Consider buying me a coffee :)

You were quiet, reserved, kept mostly to yourself. But you were never unwilling to help people out if they needed it, you just refused the assistance of others and didn't let conversations last for too long. Joel liked that about you.

You sent kind smiles to people, that were convincing to most but not Joel. He could tell that they were forced, good intentions behind them, but forced nonetheless. It didn't help that whenever you thought no one was looking, the smiles immediately dropped from your face.

When you’d arrived a few months before, no one paid much attention to you - Joel included. You’d stumbled in weak with the plan of leaving again once you’d regained some strength. You were just like many others around these parts, you all came and went. Nothing special. But once you were offered a role in the community, a place to live, guaranteed supplies and a job as a scout, it was hard to refuse.

So you stayed.

But still, people didn’t think much of you. It was difficult to make friends with a group of people who had clearly been through so much together and had trouble trusting outsiders. Because of this, you stayed to yourself.

That’s when Joel started to notice you more. Despite having no one close, no one who really cared for you, you seemed to care for the community as a whole. You always tried to give people your best, even if they didn’t return it. You helped people with repairs, with moving, farming, caring for young children, teaching - whatever was possibly asked of you.

And when you disappeared for hours, on rare occasions days, to outside the community in order to keep everyone safe by keeping an eye out for trouble, Joel couldn’t help but notice your absence. It just appeared that no one else did.

And when Joel asked his kind-of daughter, Ellie, about you to get her opinion, he couldn’t help but be slightly saddened when he was only offered back a “who?”

Joel Miller wasn’t good at expressing his feelings, so he had no plan for this, but he couldn’t stand by and watch you be excluded from a community that was so heavily focused on family. He knew what it felt like to be lost and he’d been lucky enough to find himself again in Ellie, discovering a new purpose for himself as a father figure for her. So, he figured that’s what you needed - a purpose with people. He just didn’t know what that would be yet.

When you returned from your most recent scouting assignment, reporting back that you’d found traces of a group of people a few miles out but no signs of life, Joel approached you. Still, he had no plan.

“Yes?” You’d looked up at him curiously as he stood in front of you but had said nothing. It was clear you wanted to go home, you were probably tired from the last couple days.

He looked at you, his ever permanent frown not shifting. “You should probably get a partner for scouting. It’s not safe out there.”

You’d scoffed and pushed past him, not unfriendly but not nice either. “I work better alone. I can handle myself.”

He didn’t doubt that. “I’m sure you can.”

You rounded on him, scowling. It felt clear that he had some other intentions here but you weren’t sure what exactly. “What do you want, Joel?”

The expression on his face didn’t move, like he expected the slight hostility. “Nothing.”

You didn’t believe him. So you told him. “I don’t believe you.”

“Why?”

“People don’t talk to me unless they want something.” You adjusted the bag you had slung over one shoulder, shifting from foot to foot as you grew anxious to go home. The confession was painful to admit but it was true, you both knew it.

“I don’t want anything.” He reaffirmed, noticing you take another step away from him.

You still weren’t entirely sure you bought it, but you wouldn’t question him further if he was going to insist there was nothing. “Then what?”

“Conversation.”

You laughed sarcastically, making Joel note he’d never heard you laugh genuinely. Although that wasn’t unusual around here.

“Conversation?” You repeated in a questioning tone. “I’m not much of a conversationalist.”

Something the two of you could relate on, he realised. “Neither am I.”

“We make a great pair then.” The corners of your mouth curled up and your feet stopped moving.

Joel said nothing more, confirming his statement of not being a conversationalist. You wanted to smile more widely at that but refrained - the man had struck up a conversation with you but was unable to carry it.

“Ellie’s your daughter, right?” You offered, seeing him straighten up at the young girl’s name. If he was going to try then maybe you could too.

“Yeah.” He’d explain the complicated relationship with the teenager to you another time. For now, he was glad you were talking.

“Bright kid.” You commented. “How old is she?”

“Fourteen.”

You nodded, lost for what else to say. “Listen, I should probably be going home…”

“Right, yeah.” He said, watching you take cautious steps away as if awaiting his permission to leave. “I’ll see you around.”

“Sure. Bye, Joel.” You averted your eyes to the ground and went to turn away from him.

“Bye.” He replied, keeping his eyes on your form as you scurried away back to your house and disappeared from his view.

He had no idea what his next move was but he supposed this was a step in the right direction. Maybe he’d ask Ellie to start talking to you. He just knew that he wanted you more involved in the community, this is what the place was for after all. You, on the other hand, were trying to figure out Joel’s game as you rushed back home. Why had he suddenly started talking to you out of nowhere? You vowed to find out.

So that left the two of you - one satisfied with his minute progress and the other confused at the strange event. But both of you determined.

A/N: Joel Miller makes brain go brrrrr

[hauntedhowlett-writes]

take care - chapter 1

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

Pairing: Joel Miller/Reader

Rating: Explicit (18+, MDNI)

Word Count: 6,684

Read on AO3

Summary:

“Sorry.”

You tilt your head. “For what?”

He follows behind you, shutting the door with a soft click. You turn to face him, the small hallway pressing the two of you closer together.

“For not gettin’ there faster,” he grunts, not meeting your eyes. “For you havin’ to get up to take care of her.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. You know, it’s okay to let someone else take care of things once in a while,” you reply.

He regards you with that intense stare of his, the one that makes you want to confess that sometimes, when you lie awake at night unable to sleep, your hand slips beneath the waist of your shorts to thoughts of him. You press your lips together.

“Maybe…maybe you need to have someone take care of you,” you say.

Additional tags: explicit sexual content, p in v, cunnilingus, blow job, dirty talk, mild angst

A shrill scream breaks through your subconscious. Your eyes snap open and you’re out of the bed before your brain even comes fully online, rushing across the hall to Ellie’s room.

She’s thrashing in bed, eyes squeezed shut and fists flying, legs trapped in the faded floral top sheet. She lets out another gut wrenching wail that spurs you back into action.

You gently grasp her face in your hands as you start firmly saying, “Ellie, sweetheart, it’s me, I’m here. It’s a dream. Wake up.”

It takes a few repetitions, but her eyes eventually snap open and she goes limp once she realizes it’s you, and not whatever haunts her memories.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she whispers as she buries her head against your stomach.

“No, you don’t gotta be sorry, honey. It’s okay,” you whisper back. You run your fingers through her sweat damp hair, pushing it off her forehead.

You’ve known Joel and Ellie for three weeks, since they’d stumbled upon your cabin in the woods after escaping Silver Lake and that fucking creep of a leader. You’re pretty certain he’s only stayed for so long because you get along with Ellie like a house on fire and he likes seeing her smile.

You and Joel take turns hunting or heading into the ghost town to find rations. Ellie does a pretty good job setting small game traps now, and she’s been a big help with your garden.

Most of the time, Joel pretends you’re not there. Sometimes, when Ellie says something crazy, he’ll give you a look, like a disapproving father who needs the only other adult on his side, even as you’re trying your best not to laugh and encourage her.

Ellie’s breathing evens out as she falls back asleep. When you lift your head, Joel is standing in the doorway, chest heaving with deep breaths.

He steps in the room, eyes trained on Ellie. “She okay?”

“Yeah. Poor thing had another nightmare,” you tell him. You shift slowly, carefully, moving the girl back to her pillow and lifting the sheet back over her.

“Sorry.”

You tilt your head. “For what?”

He follows behind you, shutting the door with a soft click. You turn to face him, the small hallway pressing the two of you closer together.

“For not gettin’ there faster,” he grunts, not meeting your eyes. “For you havin’ to get up to take care of her.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. You know, it’s okay to let someone else take care of things once in a while,” you reply.

He regards you with that intense stare of his, the one that makes you want to confess that sometimes, when you lie awake at night unable to sleep, your hand slips beneath the waist of your shorts to thoughts of him. You press your lips together.

“Maybe…maybe you need to have someone take care of you,” you say. Oh, god damnit. The impulsive thoughts won. You feel your cheeks burn up from the implication of your words and his eyebrows draw together.

“That’s not a good—“

“Forget it. Forget I said anything. I’m just…gonna go get the coffee started. Yes.” You inch your way past his broad body, shoulder brushing his as you make your escape. “I’ll leave some for you!”

One of the reasons you’ve stayed in the house for so long, instead of venturing out to find other people, is the field of solar panels. They allow you the luxury of using an actual coffee maker instead of the packets of instant bullshit that taste like mud. You set the machine up, watching it slowly drip and brew like it will hold all the answers to your problems.

Ellie pads into the kitchen shortly after the pot fills. She looks at you sheepishly.

“Sorry for waking you up earlier,” she mutters.

“You and Joel have both gotta stop saying sorry for every little thing.” You hand her a half full cup that she dumps a spoonful of sugar into from the cellar on the table. “Don’t let him see you drinking that or he’s gonna complain about me wasting the good caffeine on your youth.”

She laughs and gives you a little salute before heading back to her room. You put your own coffee in a travel cup and go to get dressed so you can check the game traps and feed Millie and Champ, your two horses.

Joel’s nowhere to be found when you head back to the kitchen, dressed in your cold weather gear. The coffee pot is suspiciously less full than it had been when you left, though.

Great. You’ve made it weird.

You grab the coffee thermos and your rifle before heading out into the woods surrounding the farmhouse.

At least you can keep yourself useful and busy.

——

Joel lays in bed, staring up at the yellowing ceiling as his brain plays an endless loop of your words.

Maybe you need to have someone take care of you.

His immediate reaction was to shut it down. No, he doesn’t need anyone to take care of him. He’s been on his own this long, and will continue to be long after he delivers Ellie to the Fireflies.

But the longer he thinks about it, the more his resolve crumbles. The seed of uncertainty has been growing roots in his brain ever since that little girl risked her life to save his. And when he found her covered in blood and screaming into the cold winter air after what David had tried to do to her, he started to wonder whether he was willing to give her up. He’d failed one daughter already - he doesn’t know if he’ll recover from failing another.

He scrubs a hand over his face. Then there’s you. Another root digging into his brain. When they’d come across your cabin, thinking it was abandoned and wanting to rest for a bit, he wasn’t prepared to have a beautiful woman point a gun at his head when he came through the door. But you’d quickly dropped the weapon seeing the state he and Ellie had been in. You’d offered your home to them - hot showers, clean clothes, warm food, and surprisingly easy companionship that’s making the choice to leave harder with each passing day.

And now…now you’re offering something Joel hasn’t even thought of in years. Beyond some quick work with his hand when the urge is too strong to ignore, Joel hasn’t known that kind of release in…a long time.

Would it be so bad to do something with only himself in mind?

After a few hours of him wallowing with his inner turmoil, he hears the front door bangs shut. He listens as you stomp the snow off your boots before the heavy booted footfalls are replaced with soft socked ones. He can hear Ellie talking to you, followed by a chorus of giggles that makes his chest tighten.

When he enters the kitchen, he sees you standing at the counter, skinning a rabbit with surprising efficiency. Ellie is watching, eyes wide like she can’t look away. You set the hide in a parchment lined bowl to be dealt with later before narrating how to cut the meat from the bones.

“That’s fucking disgusting,” Ellie comments, nose wrinkled.

“Might be, but do you want stew or not?” You huff out, faux annoyance lacing your tone. “Chop the potatoes, then, weakling.”

“Was it from one of my traps?” Ellie asks you as she pulls out another cutting board and grabs the potatoes from their box.

“Sure was, kid. You’re keeping me well fed.”

Ellie’s lips quirk in the tiniest smile, the flicker of pride in her eyes making Joel’s heart squeeze in his chest.

He chooses that moment to make his presence known, entering the kitchen with heavy steps. You look over your shoulder and flash a tentative smile at him before going back to prepping the rabbit.

“Where the hell’ve you been?” Ellie asks. Joel reaches out and tugs on her ponytail.

“Around,” he replies. “You need any help?”

“Grab some stock and onions from the basement? And hand Ellie some of the tomatoes and celery to dice,” you instruct.

He grabs the required items from the basement and places two ripe tomatoes and two onions on the cutting board in front of Ellie. He also finds the big stock pot from your cupboard and sets it on a burner and turns it on a medium flame for you.

“Thanks,” you murmur, both hands full of bloody rabbit chunks that you toss in the pot. Once they’ve browned a bit on the heat, you motion to Ellie to dump the vegetables into the pot.

Joel watches as you explain the steps to Ellie, enjoying the calm of your voice as you speak. When you look up for a moment and catch his eye, he doesn’t break the contact. Instead, he watches as your cheeks turn a pretty shade of pink before you duck your head back down.

Fuck.

——

“What do you call a factory that makes okay products?” Ellie asks.

“Christ, not this again,” Joel grumbles around a mouthful of rabbit stew.

“What?” You ask, paying him no mind.

“A satisfactory,” Ellie says.

You press your lips together, fighting back the giggle bubbling up. “That…that was awful.”

“You’re literally trying not to laugh!”

“No, I’m not!”

“Yes, you are!”

You throw a napkin at her head and she ducks. Joel is giving you that disapproving father face of his, but at thirty years old, you let it bounce off of you.

Besides, he’s not fooling anyone. The corners of his eyes crinkle as he wrestles his own smile into submission.

“Can we play one of those board games tonight?” Ellie asks.

“Which one? I’m not doing Monopoly again. You’re a sore loser.”

She sticks her tongue out. “Fine. I’ll go pick.” She abandons her empty bowl at the table to go raid your stash of board games in the living room.

Avoiding Joel’s gaze, you grab both bowls and bring them to the sink. As you start to rinse them, you feel the older man step beside you, his shoulder brushing yours.

“I got it,” he says, gently pulling a bowl from your hands. “So…,” he starts, clearing his throat.

“So?” You reply, peeking at him from the corner of your eye.

“Is that…offer…still available?” He’s staunchly refusing to meet your questioning look.

“Offer? What offer?” He raises his eyebrows at you. It takes the gears in your head a second of turning before your eyes go wide, the spoon you’d been washing slipping from your fingers and clattering against the steel sink, but you finally catch on. “Oh! Oh, that…uh…that offer. Right. Yes?”

“That sounds like a question. I need you to be certain.”

You straighten your shoulders before turning to face him, meeting his surprisingly heated stare. “Yes.”

“Good. That’s…good,” he mutters. “Tonight? After Ellie goes to bed?”

“Sure, yeah,” you whisper. He’s pressed closer to you, his chest grazing against your breasts when he takes a deep inhale. His tongue swipes across his bottom lip and your eyes track the motion, glued to his mouth. “Tonight works.”

He shuts the water off, stepping back to set the bowl in the dish rack and reaching for the hand towel on the stove. Ellie runs back into the kitchen, holding the faded Sorry! game box.

“Alright, losers, let’s go,” she says before flopping gracelessly into her chair at the table. “I’ve got a good feeling about this one.”

You risk one more glance at Joel, who seems to have moved on from the moment you’d shared. He sits beside Ellie and helps her set up the game.

“I call red,” you announce as you take your seat across from them.

Joel wordlessly slides the red game piece to you, fingers brushing against yours in the exchange. Just that little touch lights your nerves up, makes you press your thighs together a little tighter. Joel must notice, because his lips tip up in a little smirk before he schools his features back to stoic and grumpy when Ellie gives him the green piece.

“Let’s get this over with,” he mutters.

——

After five games of Sorry!, three of which you lost, Ellie finally announces she’s calling it a night. She’s been yawning through the last game, so it was only a matter of time, but she wanted to beat Joel just one more time.

“‘Night,” she says as she heads back to what you now consider her room, leaving you and Joel at the table. You stand, picking up the discarded game pieces and cards and putting them away neatly in the box.

Joel stands wordlessly, leaving your line of sight and you think maybe he changed his mind.

Large, warm hands circle your hips, pulling you back against a broad chest covered in worn flannel. His fingers slip beneath the hem of your thermal shirt, calluses dragging on the soft, sensitive skin just below the waist of your jeans.

You tip your head back against his shoulder to look up at him. One of those devilish hands slides up the front of your body until his palm presses to your throat, angling your chin so that he can press his lips to yours.

It’s your first kiss in who knows how long, and you hadn’t realized how much you missed this kind of connection with a person. His lips are a little chapped, but surprisingly gentle considering how aggressively this man lives his life. You twist around in his grip until you’re facing him, looping your arms around his neck and pressing your body tighter to his.

His tongue traces your bottom lip and you open to him with a groan. Like the noise breaks some sort of spell, he pulls back.

“Have to be quiet,” he whispers. “Can you do that for me?”

You nod your head and he rewards you with another kiss, this one rougher, more demanding. He wraps his fist in your hair, tugging your head back to change the angle to his liking. Your fingers play with the hair at the nape of his neck and this time, it's him that groans into your kiss.

“Have to be quiet,” you whisper, voice teasing. His eyes narrow, another smirk playing at the corner of his lips. You like this look on him - hair disheveled, lips kiss swollen, eyes glinting mischievously in the low light of the kitchen.

He moves suddenly, crouching slightly and wrapping his hands around the backs of your thighs before lifting you up from the ground. You let out a surprised squeak, your fingers digging into his shoulders and legs wrapping around his waist as he carries you out of the kitchen.

You can’t help the laugh that escapes you, and Joel shushes you with a bright smile you’ve not seen yet on the man. Your laugh tapers into a quiet giggle as he shoulders open the door to the guest room he’s been sleeping in, on the opposite side of the house from your master bedroom and Ellie’s room. Once inside, he turns to press you against the door, using one hand to keep you suspended while the other flips the lock.

“Don’t wanna scar that nosey kid more than I already have,” he says before kissing down your neck, beard scratching against your sensitive skin. You let out a quiet whimper as he bites your shoulder, your hips snapping against his. You can feel the hard length of him through his jeans and that quiet desperation that you’ve been feeling for the older man continues to boil in your veins.

You drop your legs from his waist, standing on the tips of your toes as his hand refuses to relinquish its grip on your ass. You push at his chest and he steps back only enough to allow you room to stand on your own two feet.

You wiggle both your hands between your bodies as he continues to press kisses to your neck, your jaw, behind your ear. Locating his belt, you unbuckle it quickly, tugging it through the loops and tossing it away like it offends you.

Joel distracts you for a moment by gripping your face in his palms, kissing you like you’re the air he needs to breathe. You quickly return to your task, tugging open the fly of his jeans and reaching your hand in to palm his cock through his boxers.

“Shit,” he hisses. His head drops back, eyes shutting as you work your hand in the limited space.

It’s not nearly enough.

You drop to your knees, working his pants down until his cock bobs free, thick and long with a bead of precum already pooled at the tip. You grip him at the base, leaning forward to let your tongue swipe across the head and collect the small essence of him.

A rough groan leaves him as you guide him into your mouth. He cuts it short, sticking a knuckle between his teeth to stem his noises. His other hand rests against the back of your head, not pressing, but like he needs to touch you, needs to feel you.

His hips snap forward unexpectedly when you grasp his balls in your hand, making you gag slightly. You can feel the burn of tears at the corner of your eyes as you look up at him. His eyes are wide, laser focused on where his dick slides between your lips and into the tight, wet heat of your mouth.

Without warning, he pulls completely free of you, a hand wrapping around your upper arm and tugging you to stand. He rips your shirt over your head before ridding you of your jeans and panties before you even realize what’s happening.

“What–”

“On the bed. Now,” he grunts, pushing you gently toward the mattress. You sit on the edge of it, naked as the day you were born, eyebrows drawn in confusion.

Joel removes the rest of his clothes before standing before you. “Spread your legs,” he commands.

You move to obey, but must not be fast enough for his liking since he presses his palms to the inside of your knees and wrenches your thighs apart before dropping to his knees.

“Wait, wait,” you say. He stops, looking up at you. “I’m supposed to be taking care of you .”

“Trust me, baby, getting the chance to eat this pussy is taking care of me. Now lay back and shut up.”

You shut your mouth but you don’t lay back, propping yourself up on your elbows to watch as he presses kisses to the inside of your thighs. You’ll be damned if you’re going to miss committing even a second of this to memory.

His tongue swipes through your folds before lavishing broad circles over your sensitive clit. He hums, the vibrations adding to the onslaught of sensation against a part of you that’s gone without attention for so long.

“ Joel, ” you whisper, trying to keep your voice low. He looks up at you from between your thighs and your head drops back on a moan you were meant to be holding back.

“Remember what we said about being quiet,” he rasps, pulling away from you to run his fingers through the slick pooling at your entrance before sliding one, then two inside in quick succession. “You’re so goddamn tight.”

“Been a while,” you huff, voice breathy. Your hips chase his fingers on every withdrawal and when his mouth returns to your clit, your back arches from the bed.

“Gonna cum,” you warn. His pace doesn’t falter as he works you over until your tummy tightens almost painfully. With a slight graze of his teeth, your release washes over you, your muscles tightening around his fingers, your thighs pressing against his broad shoulders.

He stands, beard glistening from his attention, and he slips an arm beneath your back, using it to haul you further up the bed.

“You want this?” He asks, tugging at his still hard cock. You nod, spreading your legs for him once more as he positions himself between your thighs. “Then be a good girl and take it.”

He slides the head over your clit, making you shiver, before slowly pressing inside. His eyes stay trained on your face, watching your expressions as you envelope his cock.

When he bottoms out, he shifts forward so that his elbows rest on the mattress beside your head. Your fingers claw between his shoulder blades as you flutter around him, adjusting to the sensation of being so full.

“You okay?” Joel asks, voice strained. You nod, shifting your hips and making both you groan. He drops his head to your shoulder. “Don’t be movin’ like that if you want this to last.”

You do it again, and this time Joel takes matters into his own hands, pulling back before snapping his hips forward, punching the air from your lungs.

He sets a pace that should hurt, that should feel brutal, but it just feels so damn good . The weight of him surrounding you, the pressure of his hips against yours, the breath you share as he kisses you again, biting into your lower lip to stave off his own moan.

He pulls out, grabbing your hips and twisting until you’re on your stomach. He hitches your ass higher and lands a smack to one cheek for good measure before sliding back inside you. You bite down on the pillow beneath you, letting your noises out into the stuffing.

Joel slams into you again and again and again, like all that pent up frustration you’re sure he bottles up tightly has finally boiled over. He leans over your body, the angle going impossibly deeper, and slips his hand over yours, folding his fingers into the spaces made, what feels like, just for him.

He doesn’t say anything else. All you hear from him at the little groans and grunts that you’re certain would be an amazing experience at full volume. But what he can’t say with words, he does with his touch.

The trail of a hand down your spine, the flex of his fingers between yours, the press of his lips to your shoulder as he chases his release and sends you hurtling towards another.

With a cry into the pillow, you cum around him, muscles trying to stop him from ever leaving your body again. But with a few more thrusts, Joel pulls out, cum landing across your back and ass.

You flop down flat on your belly, body spent and brain offline from the two delicious orgasms. You hear him move about the room, the sound of clothes rustling and open and shut of the door reaching your ears as you lay there boneless. He returns a moment later and runs a wet washcloth over your back and between your thighs, cleaning you of any evidence of his enjoyment.

He shifts you around the mattress until he can tug the covers over your naked body. To your surprise, he climbs in beside you, an arm wrapping around your waist and tugging you toward him.

Joel Miller is a cuddler. Who would have thought?

“Thank you,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head as you slowly sink into sleep.

____

“Wake up, kid,” Joel says, shaking Ellie’s shoulder. “We gotta go.”

Ellie mumbles something in her sleep. With a roll of his eyes, he tugs the blankets off of her, causing her to roll onto the floor with a thud and a surprised yelp.

“You asshole,” she snaps. “What’s the big rush? Why are we leaving now?”

“Because I said so. Now, come on.”

Blessedly, she listens. She gathers her backpack and tugs on her jacket and shoes before trailing out after him into the dark morning.

At the back of the property, Joel directs them to the all black horse named Champ that he’s already saddled.

“We’re stealing her horse? Isn’t that a bit low, even for you?” Ellie asks.

Joel ignores her, swinging himself up and situating himself. She’s right. It is low.

But he knows that if he stays, he may never want to leave.

And he’s got a job to finish.

[sunshineshobi18]

You Don't Look At Me (part 2)

words: 4.8k pairing: Joel x female!OC, Tommy & Maria are also in there cw: strong languge (but honestly when does that not happen), angst ^^, vague mentions of the events in episode 9 summary: When they finally get back to Jackson, Maria is quickly able to sense the tension between Joel and Lori. Joel tries to defend himself and how he feels about Lori, but things quickly go south when Lori tells him how she actually feels.

note: it feels like an eternity since I put out the last update, but here we go with the next part. Thank you so much for your patience

(prologue) (part 1)

---

The events of the past day felt like a blur to Joel. Or maybe he did remember many things very clearly. The pain, the anger, the surprise and doubt, he remembered all these aspects so vividly. It was only Lori’s presence that felt like clouds in his mind and he felt horrible because of it. “I’m sorry,” he whispered softly as he looked at the rear view mirror to find Ellie still unconscious on the back seat.

-

Earlier that day he remembered how silent Ellie had been. She often didn’t even hear him talk, but even if she did her answers were short. He had scavenged a few things through the rubble and broken cars and containers that he presented Ellie with a smile. The only reason Lori was so vivid in that memory was because he had come across something for her. Something that had piqued Ellie’s interests.

“Here,” Joel said as he handed Lori the book. Lori accepted it with a weak grip, almost dropping the book. Ellie, who had been sitting in front of Lori, looked at the girl with curious eyes.

“What’s that?” she asked and Joel couldn’t help but sigh in relief when he saw how Ellie had become a bit more lifely. He was worried she had completely changed with everything she had been through, but that same childlike curiosity was still there. Joel had hoped she’d return to her normal self.

Lori shrugged lightly, holding the book up a bit better so Ellie could see the cover. “Sudokus,” Lori told her.

“Why’d you give them to her?” Ellie turned to Joel as she asked him this.

“Used to like them,” Joel said with a nonchalant tone, “Lori, I mean. If we found them during runs, we’d give them to Lori. Kept her busy.”

Ellie chuckled softly at this, finding it an amusing thought, but Joel hadn’t thought it was that funny. “That’s cool. I didn’t know you liked stuff like that,” Ellie told Lori with a brighter smile on her face. It was a smile that broke Lori’s stoic expression and she cracked the slightest of smiles back at Ellie. “I was never able to figure out how they worked. Maybe you could teach me one day.”

Lori’s response came in the form of one slight but firm nod. “Sure.”

-

Joel pushed his head back further in the backseat as he sighed. His eyes were back on the road. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, but there was no answer.

Deciding to stop being so petty and finally start acting like the adult he should be, Joel turned his head to the right. He made a quick mental note of the girl in the passenger's seat before focusing on the view in front of him. “I’m sorry for what happened inside the hospital. I never would’ve pointed that gun at you if—” Lori shifted in her seat, her head now facing the window on her right and Joel sighed. “I fucked up, but I’ll make it up to you.”

Silence filled the car once again and this time Joel decided to stay quiet. He didn’t know what to say, afraid that he’d say something wrong. However, Joel was sure he already did. He had pushed Lori’s boundaries over their limits miles earlier in their journey. Though not able to exactly pinpoint when and where that happened, Joel knew that the damage he had done to Lori and his relationship with her was irreversible.

-

By the time Joel and the two girls had reached Wyoming, Joel had explained—lied about—what happened in the hospital, they had stopped to find Ellie some clothes and Lori had not spoken a word.

The older man was aware he wasn’t the best at communicating, but during that hike he realised how bad he was at choosing his time and place to talk about certain things. He hadn’t meant to start talking about Sarah. He hadn’t meant to start comparing Ellie with Sarah, but he was just so overjoyed with the fact that Ellie was there with him. Safe and by his side. It was just that when he turned around to seek confirmation from Ellie, that his eyes darted past the girl and landed on Lori. Her head was turned down, her eyes focused on her feet and if Joel’s eyes were better he’d be able to confirm whether the shine on her cheeks and the drop hanging from her nose were tears or sweat. He hoped it was the latter, but he knew it was the former.

Joel stumbled a bit as he lost his footing, his attention completely on Lori. Ellie gasped at the sudden erratic movement when she almost walked into Joel. Joel caught her by the shoulders before leaning in closer. “Ellie, you go on and walk ahead. I’ll be right behind you.” Ellie was about to question him, but when she looked up she noticed he was looking at something behind her. She followed his gaze and saw Lori saunter behind them, her stare mostly fixed into the floor. Ellie nodded and with a pat on her shoulder, Joel sent her to walk in front of them.

“Hey, kid.” Joel’s tone was cautious as he approached Lori. She didn’t look up at him. “I uhm… I want to say I’m sorry.” Lori didn’t answer. “Again,” he added with a sigh. “I know I’ve been unfair towards you, but I promise I’m not doing this on purpose. I—”

“Let’s just get to Jackson.”

Joel’s breath hitched at the girl’s cold and short words. “We will, but I just want to apologise first and—”

Lori looked up at Joel. It was the first time in a while that they had made direct eye contact and it was jarring to say the least. Lori’s eyes were red, the skin around them wet and irritated. “Once we get to Jackson, I’ll stay out of your business.”

“Lori, that’s not what I want,” Joel said. He sounded lost and the guilt must’ve been so audible in how he spoke.

“Let’s just continue.” 

And that’s what they did.

-

By night time the three had arrived back in Jackson. Maria and Tommy had invited them in for dinner. The public dining hall was done serving food for the night and Maria didn’t want to send Joel and the two girls to bed starving.

They all wish she had.

Dinner was awkward to say the least. Maria and Tommy had asked the group how their journey had been and so they told what happened, although with many holes in their story. It was also fairly clear to the couple that something was wrong with Lori. She hadn’t really said anything, but hummed and offered short answers in response to whatever had been asked.

“Hey!” Tommy chuckled awkwardly after silence filled his kitchen. “At least you’ve seemed to have grown closer.”

Joel pressed his eyes closed and with a sigh he rested his head in one of his hands. Ellie cringed, grimacing as soon as those words left Tommy’s mouth and Lori dropped her fork—she was only really using it to pick at her food.

Maria was quick to pick up on everything. The plot holes quickly being filled by the context she’d been given in front of her. She made eye contact with Ellie, who seemed to understand what she was conveying and shared a quick nod with her. “Hey Ellie, maybe you should head back already. I had Tommy drop off some stuff and heat the house while I was finishing dinner.” Ellie didn’t need to be asked twice as she ran out the house to the house across.

Maria waited till the echo of the front door being slammed shut stopped ringing through the room before speaking up again. “So let’s talk this out. Hmm?”

Joel looked up with wide eyes, as if he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t have. Lori remained looking at her plate of barely touched food. “I don’t know—”

“Oh, come on Joel. I might not know what’s going on, but I’m not blind or stupid.” Maria turned to Lori. “She hasn’t said anything the whole night and you haven’t even looked at her. I’d be upset too if the man I’d known for years doesn’t ask me if I’m okay while laughing and talking with the girl he’s known for barely a year. It’s like you don’t care.”

Maria’s words seemed to spark something in Lori as she looked up at her with big, shining eyes. Lori chuckled softly before she spoke, “wow, I guess it’s not only me who noticed.” The young girl faked a smile, but her face clearly showed how hurt she felt. Maria looked at Lori with a soft yet sad smile.

“I do care!” Joel shouted as he slammed his fist down on the table.

“Really felt like it when you pointed that gun at me.” The young girl’s voice was laced with sarcasm. Joel had barely the time to respond when Tommy and Maria looked at him in horror.

“You did what?” Tommy yelled.

Joel shook his head rapidly and made an attempt to explain the situation. “I was trying to get to Ellie and Lori just ended up being there.”

“There you go, bringing up Ellie again.” Lori rolled her eyes before she looked at Joel. “Joel, I told you… You don’t have to act like you care about me. It’s clear that you don’t.”

“But I do,” Joel insisted as he walked to the other side of the table and sat in the chair next to her. He turned her chair facing it towards him and grabbed her by her forearms. “I really fucking do.”

“Then you should’ve shown me,” Lori whispered. “And I don’t mean by giving me a book with already filled-in sudokus because you faintly remember Tess looking out for those for me.”

Joel sighed once again and lowered his head. “Tell me how to show you and I will. I’ll do everything—”

“It’s too late,” Lori said. Her walls were breaking as she could only show Joel a watery smile before trying to escape his grasp. “All you had to do was look at me. You had to think of me. You had to not be so willing to think I was dead when we were in situations that rationally would’ve had me dead.” Joel hesitantly let go of Lori’s left arm as she used her already freed right hand to pry his fingers away from her. “All you had to do was a fraction of what you’re doing for Ellie and I would be fine.” Tears filled Lori’s eyes as she stood up. She looked at Joel and he looked at her. It was the first time he had looked at her with genuine emotion, although it was more likely he felt guilt than actual care for her.

“When you and Tess found me back then… I thought I had a second chance for a family and for a while I really felt like I had. When Tess died, I thought I’d still have you, but I realised that Tess was the only family I had left,” Lori explained with her voice trembling. “A father—” Lori’s breath hitched and she placed a hand on her chest as if she was in pain. “And I know I’m not your daughter, but a father is allowed to fuck up. He’s allowed to make mistakes if only at the end of the day he takes responsibility, he shows he cares and he makes an effort. And I’ve been really fucking patient with you to start making an effort, but it’s too late now.”

Joel’s vision started to blur as he heard the pain laced in every word that left Lori’s mouth. “I know I don’t deserve it, but give me one last chance.”

Lori shook her head from side to side, denying his plea. “It’s okay if you don’t care. Just, please let yourself come to terms with it. Stop making yourself believe that you care because you feel obligated to care. I rather—” Lori cut her words short as she felt a sob rising in her throat. She turned to Maria and without any words exchanged, the older woman placed a hand on the small of Lori’s back and ushered her upstairs, inviting her to stay at her house.

Joel and Tommy watched the two figures retreat before looking at each other. It was clear in Tommy’s disapproving look, that the younger of the two brothers had a lot to say. Joel braced himself for the scolding he deserved, but it never came.

“Aren’t you going to yell at me?”

Tommy scoffed, turning towards the stove in the kitchen. He grabbed a kettle, filled it with water and prepared two mugs. “Is that what you want?”

“Of course it isn’t,” Joel groaned in an almost annoyed tone and joined Tommy’s side. “Of course I don’t want you to yell at me, but I can see there’s so much you want to say.”

Tommy turned stiffly to face his older brother and asked, “you know who else had a lot to say?” He answered his own question by looking towards the stairs where Lori had appeared earlier. “Lori is a smart girl. She knows what the problem is. She knows how you can fix it and she can guide you every step of the way, but she doesn’t. You know why?” Joel shook his head ‘no’. “Because it would hurt. It would hurt both of you and she’d do anything, but hurt you.”

“How’d you know?” Joel asked weary.

“Because I look at her! I listen to her! And I can fucking see how much she cares about you. How much she needs you—”

“She doesn’t need me!” Joel yelled back at his brother. The older of the two was heaving as he was reminded of a painful memory of a loved one he lost. “Tess, told me so. Lori and Tess never needed me.”

“Maybe! Maybe in the past she didn’t, but now she does. Everyone needs someone and all she has is you! Poor girl needed someone and her only option was this fucking asshole!” Tommy yelled as he shoved his brother back a little. “This fucking jerk, while there are so many people out there that would’ve loved to take care of her.”

Joel scowled, hiding his guilt behind an unstable wall of his anger. “Then you fucking take her—”

“Oh wouldn’t that be easy,” Tommy chuckled. “Break her, put her through all your bullshit and then drop her onto someone else.”

“What do you want me to do?” Joel’s bassy voice echoed through the whole house. Tommy shook his head in disbelief and turned to fill the two mugs with tea. “What do you want me to fucking do?” Joel repeated more aggressively.

“Get out,” Tommy ordered lowly before turning to Joel. “Leave this house and leave Lori alone. Go be a father for Ellie, because that’s what you want so badly. And never bat a fucking eye at Lori again. I swear to God—”

“Guys!” Maria stood at the bottom of the stairs, a disapproving look on her face. “We can hear you from upstairs,” Maria sighed as she joined the two men in the kitchen with an annoyed frown on her face.

“I’m sorry,” Joel apologised coldly, pressing his lips shut to contain all the things he wanted to yell at his brother.

Maria took her place next to Tommy and wrapped her arms around his bicep. “Tommy’s right, Joel. I think it’s best for you to stay away from Lori—”

“What? Don’t you realise I’m trying to set things right.”

Maria and Tommy shared defeated gazes. “Let’s just say you tried enough and it’s not working.” Though Maria’s gaze was soft, her tone was firm and final. “You should leave now. It’s late.”

Ignoring the man’s lost expression, Maria grabbed one of the now tea-filled mugs on the kitchen counter while Tommy grabbed the other one to bring it up to Lori. Tommy turned off the small light above the kitchen counter before he followed Maria up the stairs, leaving Joel in the now dark room downstairs.

-

It had been a week since that night. The night Joel, Ellie and Lori arrived in Jackson. Most of the week Joel and Lori wouldn’t see each other, outside of the occasional glances when they saw each other in the dining hall or somewhere outside.

That whole week Maria and Tommy had been taking care of Lori, although she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. They just provided her with some meals, a warm place to sleep and running water. In exchange Lori would help clean around the house and cook dinner when Maria was tired and Tommy was out on patrol. Still, she didn’t talk much to the adults, clearly not as attached to them as she was to Joel at some point.

“Just one lunch okay?” Maria asked, leading Lori down the dining hall. The young girl looked at her with a look that was anything but willing to go through with Maria’s plan. “I promise you that if you don’t like it, you can just leave. I’ll be at the bar in case anything happens.”

With a groan, Lori gave in. She settled down at an empty table and grabbed a book of sudokus to keep her busy as she waited. Maria left her with a thumbs up and a bright smile, heading towards the bar a few metres away from her.

“You like those?” Lori looked up to find a man—probably in his forties or fifties—pointing at her book. He had a kind face, although he looked tired. His glasses enlarged his green-grey eyes making him look anything but threatening. Lori nodded wordlessly in response. “I— I’m Robert. Maria told you about me, right?” Lori nodded again. “Can I sit down?” She nodded.

At first the tension between the two was palpable. They sat in awkward silence, with Lori buried into her book of number puzzles and Robert examining her carefully. Each time Lori made a movement Robert’s eyes darted away for a moment, in case she would notice him staring.

A minute later, Robert couldn’t take the silence anymore. The growing noise that filled the dining hall made him anxious, as if it was urging him to make conversation with the girl. “I—” He started, gaining Lori’s attention, however, he didn’t know what to say. “Are you hungry?” Lori looked around, noticing that the people at tables around her were already eating. She nodded with a shrug. “Stay here, I’ll get you food.” Before Lori could answer, Robert stood up to get the both of them food.

Lori’s eyes followed the man and landed on Maria. The older woman gave her a look which told her that she was a bit disappointed in the lack of Lori’s input in the conversation. Lori pressed her lips together and sighed before nodding at Maria. “I’ll try,” she mouthed at Maria which Maria responded to with a thank you.

Robert returned with two plates full of food. Lori couldn’t help but notice that the plate he put in front of her had more food on it. She didn’t question it however and just thanked Robert in a quiet whisper. Robert gasped with wide eyes causing Lori to look at him in surprise. Quickly his face turned red before he shook his head dismissively. “It’s just that this is the first time you spoke to me. I’m sorry, I hope that didn’t make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s okay,” Lori quickly told him and Robert’s anxious front quickly melted. He smiled at her softly and it was something in his eyes that made it so that Lori couldn’t look away. She felt comforted just by the way he looked at her with so much care. Suddenly the warm feeling became so overwhelming, Lori quickly looked down at her food.

Lunch continued in silence for a while with Robert finishing his food first. He waited until Lori was on her last few bites when he placed his hand on the book Lori had carried with her. “You’re pretty good at these,” he told her as he picked up the book and looked at the cover. “Easy seems too easy for you. I have some advanced puzzles at home that you can have.”

Lori looked at him with big eyes causing Robert to chuckle. “You seem interested,” he laughed and Lori couldn’t help but chuckle as well.

“Do you also like them?” Lori asked softly.

“Sure. I was a maths professor before all this, but it was really my son who loved puzzles like these.” Robert’s smile faded once he clocked Lori’s expression. “Oh yeah, I had a son about your age. I didn’t mean to bring it up and make you uncomfortable—”

“It’s fine!” Lori suddenly yelled, causing Robert to jump a bit in his seat. “I mean… I’m sorry for your loss. I just didn’t know that— I hope you don’t feel obligated because of Maria—”

“Hey,” Robert said to interrupt Lori who had started talking more quickly. “Don’t worry about it. Maria told me she was looking for a family that could take you in. My wife and I have two free rooms, we know how to handle kids, although Kevin really was a handful sometimes,” he chuckled at that. “We’re just trying to see if you feel comfortable around me and if not that’s fine.”

“You don’t think I’m trying to replace him? Your son,” Lori asked with her brows furrowing in something akin to shame.

Robert quickly denied her claim, confusion filling his tone as he responded with, “why would you think that? My wife and I love Kevin, he can never be replaced, but that doesn’t mean we can’t take care of another kid. I mean, you can basically take care of yourself. All we want to do is offer you a place you feel comfortable.”

Lori’s cheeks had reddened completely at that point. The two of them were only supposed to get to know each other and see how things went, but Lori felt like she had accelerated the conversation to a point beyond where they should’ve been. Maria and Tommy would have a baby at some point and with Lori taking up the only free room in the house, there wouldn’t be enough space for all four of them. Besides, Lori didn’t feel like she really belonged with Maria and Tommy. The children's home—for kids who had arrived in Jackson alone or just didn’t have any adult relatives—wasn’t a great fit either. Lori didn’t get along with many of the kids her age because she had a “reputation”. She didn’t know what the kids said about her, but it was clear in the way they eyed her that it wasn’t pleasant.

Talking about moving into Robert’s house so early in their relationship wasn’t ideal, but Lori couldn’t help it. She didn’t realise she craved parental care as much as she did. She had always thought it was only Joel she wanted, but she realised that anyone would do as long as they cared. Robert seemed to care. And maybe it was because Lori reminded him of his deceased son Kevin, but she didn’t care. She felt connected to Robert and her inner child just wanted to cling on to the hope that she found someone who cared about her.

“Lori?” Lori’s eyes snapped up when she realised Robert had been calling for her for a while. “Maria is signalling you’re about to leave. Let’s talk again tomorrow, hmm? I’ll see if Julia can come along. I’m sure she’d love you and I hope you’ll like her as well. I’ll also bring some sudokus if you want?” Lori felt overwhelmed, still, but she nodded. “Hey.” Robert’s tone was softer now. “Don’t think about moving or anything like that yet. I don’t want you to feel pressured. We’re just getting to know each other and if at any moment you don’t like it—”

“I like it,” Lori squeed and Robert couldn’t hide the fatherly smile on his face. “I mean that I like this so far. It feels…” Robert nodded knowing exactly what Lori wanted to say and it surprised her. She had always had to explain herself to Joel, especially in the later years, but Robert just got her.

They parted ways that afternoon and Tommy couldn’t believe his eyes as Lori and Maria came back home, the younger girl beaming and smiling like he had never seen before.

-

“Joel?” Ellie’s voice sounded loudly through the house the second Joel started to put on his boots at the front door. “Can you pick up some soap and maybe a new towel at the trading post today? We’re kinda running out.”

“And you’ve been scrubbing your body too hard with that towel that you need a new one?” There was a slight raise in octave as Joel spoke, his joking and playful side not letting the chance to tease Ellie go past him. Hearing the annoyed groan coming from upstairs made Joel chuckle, knowing he was successful in getting on the girl’s nerves again. He’d call it payback for all the times she’d annoyed him. “I’ll see if I can find some stuff!”

With that he was out the door and heading towards the trading post.

It was a lot more packed that day since a group of patrollers had seemingly hit the jackpot with the place they had basically raided the night before. The people of Jackson were haggling to get the best value out of their trades and Joel just watched from a bit further away as he waited for his best “toiletries trader” to finish his trades with the five women before him in line.

Joel was posted up against a thick support beam, he trusted to hold his weight. His eyes continued to scan the multiple trading stalls set out to see if anything else caught his attention. Something— no, someone certainly did.

“Look at the smile on that kid.” The cheery voice next to Joel’s voice startled the man, causing him to jump back a little. Just beside him stood Tommy with a dumb smile. “I bet it’s been years since you’ve seen her like that. Couldn’t be because of you, hmm?”

Joel examined his brother’s face before scoffing. “Is this entertaining to you?”

Tommy chuckled, turned his head to give his brother a nod and then turned his head back to watch Lori who was excitingly skimming through different hair accessories.

“Whatever,” Joel sighed and joined where Tommy’s gaze fell. “Lori has never shown interest in stupid things like that. How was I supposed to know that was what she—”

“It’s not for her.” Joel could practically hear the sadistic joy in Tommy’s voice as he spoke. Tommy cared for his brother—there was no doubt about it—but he felt like Joel deserved to feel every ounce of guilt and pain after everything Lori put up with because of him.

Joel’s face fell further, if that was even possible, when he saw a man walk up to Lori. His ears weren’t the best, but he could hear everything when that man told her “Julia would love this.”

And Lori’s response sounded even clearer as she replied with, “that’s good. I wish I could gift her something better for taking me into your guys’ house.”

“You’re already a gift, Lori.”

Joel’s heart sank as Lori smiled up at the man with the brightest smile. The same smile she had always given Tess. The same smile he had been on the receiving end for only a handful of times, but he, at that moment, realised he had always taken it for granted.

“Robert and Julia are taking Lori in so I guess you’re welcome back into our home,” Tommy said so nonchalantly. “I mean, it doesn’t seem like Lori is coming back to me. She’s been enjoying their company. They’re good people.”

Although Tommy wanted to rub it in that Lori had moved on from Joel, Tommy also wanted Joel to know that the people that were taking care of her were to be trusted and would never hurt her. Tommy wanted Joel to know that if there was even a tiny piece in Joel that wanted to make things right with Lori and possibly bring her back to him—though, he highly doubted that—Joel had lost his chance and there was no reason for him to even try.

Joel didn’t realise Tommy had left as his eyes were focused on the way Lori’s cheeks and ears became red. “I—” she stuttered as she looked up at the man, who Joel newly found out was called Robert.

Robert reached over her shoulder and grabbed a second hair clip, one that matched the one they had picked out for Julia. “Here,” he said as he clipped the accessory into Lori’s hair. “As a ‘thank you’ for trusting us and letting us take care of you. And that’s what we’ll do until you get sick of us.” Robert and Lori both laughed at his words. “We’ll take care of you.”

---

taglist: @daddysfavoritesexkitten @midgetpottermills

note: I don't do permanent taglists atm (I actually don't do taglists in general, but I thought why not since I was asked) so if you want to be tagged in a future part of this you'll have to just message me or comment and I'll keep note of that.

[spacetrashpile]

ooooooooooooooh you wanna talk abt how s2 of empires is haunted by s1 soooooooooo badddddddddddd -your good friend ostinato who is still thinking about your tags on its post <3 (bullies you (affectionate))

ok so the first thing you need to know me is that i love when things are haunted and i love ghosts and i love haunted houses. this is a vital thing for understanding me and how i analyze media, and empires allows me to be awful about this exact topic in such a perfect way.

first of all, sausage. i feel like i don’t need to elaborate on sausage, but i will anyways.

not only is his goddess what became of his dead best friend, not only is he literally haunted by wither roses and the long dead friends who come with them, not only is the half of himself he left behind a thousand years ago crawling out of their grave to kill him, NOT ONLY ALL THAT! but he’s made friends with people who are horribly reminiscent of every long gone friend. they share names. some of them share faces. some of them share personalities. none of them share memories. he’s watching the ghosts of his friends walk around, alive, like they never died, because none of them have any way to know. it’s almost like sausage is still dead, like he’s the ghost haunting all of them, unable to move on.

second, we've got to talk about the ancient capital.

pix literally lives in the remains of a long dead city, empty of all but himself. he resurrected extinct animals to keep him company. he maintains the mausoleum of a man who died a thousand years ago, with a mural of a goddess few seem able to name, where he dug up another long dead king, expecting a skeleton and finding a man. and then more recently, pushing aside the mural and finding an artifact 1,000 years gone. all pix seems to know about it is the rules, not what came of it. it holds a story, of where it was when the rapture occurred. how did the crown find its way from the smoking ruins of the grimlands to here? maybe we’ll never know, but here it is. reminding us all of the long dead rulers who once wore it.

i started writing the pix section last night and now today, pix is literally a ghost. no one lives in the ancient capital but ghosts.

third, the evermoore.

shubble is quite literally haunted by ghosts of the past. the gnomes, eradicated by xornoth, haunt her home, stealing souls and whispering from the dark, and she’s giving them new life. shubble is restoring the forest of the gnomes to it’s former glory, giving them a chance at the lives that were cut short.

when the gnomes look at her, all they can see their daughter who made it out. do you think that’s why the evermoore welcomed her in the first place? because the ghosts so desperately hoped she was their long lost child, their one escapee? how long did they believe it could be her? did they know immediately? or did they hold onto hope until she asked the air, asked them, who’s shrub? how do you live like that? you’re the ghosts haunting her house and she’s the ghost haunting yours, and she doesn’t even know it.

fourth, joel’s whole deal.

joel’s building monuments to long dead gods who’s names he doesn’t even remember. he just has vague memories of the people who used to be his friends, his family, and he’s building monuments and sending prayers to gods who will never hear.

there’s more i could say here and i know it, but that’s all that’s coming to mind right now, so we’ll stop here and probably come back to elaborate later, lol.

[exsaltedd]

I’m sure this doesn’t even matter in the grand scheme of Plot and whatnot but my zoomie little brain keeps thinking about. The SeaWing queen before Lizzie, who I believe is her and Jimmy’s mom from a previous ask

and in terms of lore with empires, their parent withered away and died after getting the eggs it asked for. so unless Lizzie hatched about a few months after Jimmy’s egg existed, I would imagine Lizzie was already a lil baby roaming around when Jimmy showed up. if following Empires Lore, their mom probably just died from something else sometime in their life, possibly old age, maybe corruption, or other causes, and Lizzie was either the only heir or the strongest heir who snatched up the throne.

on the other hand. I can’t help but wonder if Lizzie battled their mother for the throne. If her reasons were in any way related to those around her rather than simply desiring the title. the freedom to keep her kingdom and still marry the love of her life, the ensured safety no one higher ranking than her would try to misuse his animus abilities, some sort of resentment built up over her and Joel being the only ones who tried to keep Jimmy safe, anger at injustice that went unchecked towards her brother, etc. and if it was a fight for all to see, or something quieter, where no one could pin it directly on her. It wouldn’t matter if she Was blamed, that was how the rules worked, but maybe it would’ve upset her brother if he knew. or maybe she just wanted to make sure it was over with quickly, where no one would catch wind of it and she was sure to win. maybe she got a bit of help from an animus she knew.

am I insane? perhaps a little

YAY ESSAY 2 READ

i do believe for this au she'll have fought her mother for the throne. as canon accurate as it would be to beam her mom with a Disease, it's way more interesting to have her fight the previous queen both from a storytelling and character development standpoint. she challenged her openly after she made a snide comment towards jimmy (im going on the basis that the seawing king was the one who cheated on the queen to get with a mudwing and just snuck the egg into the royal hatchery i've decided.)

the seawing queen feels resentment but she can't get rid of the dragonet because she wasn't That cruel yk, but lizzie had enough of the comments and remarks. it was handled publicly for everyone to see as a show of her determination to defending her brother.

"It will be held tomorrow, I'll be seeing you then, mother." She turned up her snout, beyond agitated by the constant berating of her brother.

She wouldn't stand for it, not anymore. Lizzie was old enough to inherit the throne, and she was done with these slimy, snide seawings. With her head held high, she opened a wing to place over the back of Jimmy, "Come on, let's get you out of here," she whispered, "they don't understand how wonderful you are."

Jimmy followed, bobbing along with his head hung down and eyes slightly distant. He gave a halfhearted reply, "Haha, yeah, it's fine, Liz, it really is, I'm used to it-"

The princess whacked the seawing with the wing she held tented over him. "Nonsense! I'll show them! I just need to talk to someone first. Come with me."

The two of them had reached the tunnel leading from the Summer Palace, and slid quietly into the water. Lizzie lit up the scales on her tail to give her brother something to follow since he couldn't see as well in the water, and guided him out of the tunnel and into the open ocean. She lifted a wing and felt for a current leading south. Once she found it, she motioned for Jimmy to follow her, and slipped into the stream.

It was a quiet, short ride, the only sounds around her being the water flowing past and the occasional groan of the ocean. This was home to her, a clear, deep blue she could get lost in for hours and hours. She loved it here, and she wish Jimmy could love it like she does.

Lizzie looked behind her, checking for her brother, and after spotting him fighting to stay in the current, she rolled her eyes and swam back to help him. She pushed his wings close to his body and flattened the arch in his neck to be more streamlined. The princess returned to the current directly next to Jimmy in case he was having any more troubles, but thankfully, the rest of the journey went smoothly.

Lizzie stuck her head out of the water and paddled slowly towards the marshy land in front of her, Jimmy following closely behind. She tapped a ring around one of her talons twice, "Joel?"

After a few seconds have passed, the earth in front of her split and from it rose a short, burly mudwing with bright green wings and purple accents decorating his body. He grumbled something about being busy sculpting before the princess spoke again, "I'm going to need your magic."

[andvys]

stubborn love part 8

warnings: angst, violence

pairing: Ellie Williams x reader 

You woke up to the feeling of soft lips against your neck, a hand gripping your waist, sighing at the feeling you turned around, facing Ellie. 

“good morning.” she whispered, smiling at you. 

“morning babe.” you blushed, thinking back to last night, when you realized you were both naked under the blanket.

Ellie chuckled at how flustered you'd gotten, “you are so cute y/n.” she smiled, pulling you into a hug.

“so are you.” you told her, grinning when she started protesting. 

You pressed a kiss on her neck and laid your head on her chest, enjoying the quiet morning with her.

“so who are you patrolling with today?” Ellie asked, slightly worried that you'd have to go on Patrol with Alicia again. 

“group patrol with Joel.” you replied.

“you finally agreed huh?” she chuckled.

Joel always asked you to join him on the group patrols he was doing, he usually took a few people into the small towns near Jackson, keeping eye out for infected or hunters but he would also let the people check out the old stores there and let them take a few things back.

Group patrols weren't really your thing and you didn't feel comfortable enough, going on patrol with people you barely knew but you finally agreed, you couldn't say no to the poor man any longer, plus you trusted him, so at least he was there.

“yeah I couldn't resist his puppy eyes.” you said making Ellie laugh.

“puppy eyes? this man is anything but a puppy.” she chuckled.

“no.. I'm sure he's a puppy, look at him, he looks warm and fluffy.” 

Ellie laughed even more at your words. 

“You wouldn't say that if you knew him before coming to Jackson.” she said, gripping your waist tighter.

“hmm okay whatever you say.” you sighed. “who are you patrolling with?”

“Jesse. it’s just a short route, I’ll be home before you.” 

You chuckled, “oh so you can start cooking dinner.” you teased knowing how much she hated cooking.

“y/n, I don’t want you to die because of my horrible cooking, I can make you a sandwich though.” she laughed, running her fingers through your hair.

“I'll accept the sandwich.” you smiled, kissing her neck, she squeezed your butt in response, earning a slight groan from you.

You looked up at her, noticing the smirk on her face. 

“we still have some time.” she suggested, leaning down to kiss your lips. 

“hmm, let's make the best out of it then.” you winked at her.

She grinned at you before grabbing your face to kiss you.

-

“hi.” you greeted Joel, who was by the gates with his horse.

“mornin’ kid, how’re you doin’?” he asked, smiling at you.

“i’m good, you?” you smiled at him.

“me too, i’m happy you finally agreed to come with us.”

“yeah it was about time.” you chuckled.

“you can bring back a gift for your girlfriend.” he winked at you before getting on his horse when the rest of the group arrived.

You blushed, you and Ellie never really talked about what you were. It was obvious that you were dating, you just never discussed labels.

“yeah.” you laughed before getting on your horse as well.

-

You were riding side by side with Joel, the other three men who were with you, were riding behind you. 

The air was fresh and you enjoyed the smell of fall, the slightly cold weather gave you a comforting feeling. Fall has always been your favorite season. You loved it when the leaves started turning orange and yellow and you could just wear Ellie’s big hoodies and flannels without having to take them off because it was getting too warm, like in the summer. 

“Ellie never shuts up about you, you know?” Joel said, snapping you out of your thoughts.

You looked over at him in surprise, you didn't know that she was talking to Joel about you. 

“don't look so surprised kid.” he chuckled at your facial expression. “she always asked for advice.” 

Furrowing your brows, you asked yourself when she told him about having a crush on you.

“I- since uh when?” you stammered, blushing slightly.

“well she talked about you right from the start.” he said, smiling at you “and you were the only friend of her’s, that she was telling me about.” he pointed out. 

You smiled at that thought, you knew there was a time where she didn't talk much about anything to anyone, so you were surprised to find out that she was talking about you. 

“she loves you y/n, don't ever doubt that. no matter what might've happened between the two of you before that.” he told you, giving you a reassuring smile.

You smiled back at him, appreciating the way he was talking to you. Ellie was basically his daughter, so this conversation could've gone way differently, he could've been stern about it but he was nice and supporting. 

-

Once you'd gotten to the small town, everyone went into opposite directions. This place was relatively safe since groups would come back here all the time to clear off any infected so you didn't have to worry about running into a small herd or anything. 

You've never been here but you knew that Ellie came here with Joel occasionally. She probably got you that flannel from one of the old stores here. You were surprised to see that the houses and stores here weren't as run down like they were in other places.

You walked into a store that seemed to look like an old gaming store or something of that sort, you looked around and saw that most of the shelves were still full. If this was a gun store, you would've never found the shelves being full. 

You looked through the games and found one that Ellie and Jesse have been talking about a few days ago, you put it in your backpack, along with a few comics. 

You kept going through all the other stores, putting some stuff in your backpack that you could find useful later for whenever you had to go out on patrol. 

You heard footsteps behind you when you were about to walk into an old music store, turning around you saw Joel heading your way, some blood splattered on his clothes. You furrowed your brows and looked at him in concern.

“what happened?” you asked, eying the blood.

“a couple of infected made it into one of the old buildings, no big deal.” he told you. “you found anything kid?” he asked.

“I haven't found any infected. no.” you answered, causing him to chuckle.

“I meant, you found anything for yourself?” he smiled.

“oh!” you laughed “yeah, some things for Ellie and uh some knifes?” you chuckled. 

“and here I thought you'd go and find yourself some pretty things.” he chuckled, shaking his head. 

“..well, I get Ellie a bracelet.” you shrugged, feeling a little flustered. 

You've never been in a relationship before so it was new to you to show affection for your girlfriend in front of others.

“that’s nice kid, you should get yourself something too.” he said, squeezing your shoulder before he walked past you. 

“yeah..” 

-

Ellie just got back home from patrol with Jesse and parted ways with him to go home. Right when she was about to get the keys out of her backpack she noticed that her door was open. 

Furrowing her brows, she looked around in confusion, she could've sworn that she closed it when she left this morning and she knew you weren't back yet and even if you would've never left the door open.

Pushing it open slowly, she wasn't expecting someone to stand there. Especially not her.

“what the hell are you doing here?!” she grumbled, throwing the door open, she walked inside. 

Alicia turned around and chuckled, holding Ellie’s journal in her right hand while her left hand held a polaroid picture of you.

“I love her so much, no wait, I am in love with her. she is the most beautiful girl that I’ve ever seen in my life, she’s like the sunshine after the rain, anytime I'm with her, I forget about every worry that I have. I wish I could just tell her how much I love her.” Alicia read from Ellie’s diary. “blah blah blah.” 

“You really are pathetic Ellie. You loved her so much and yet you were with other’s all the time, that doesn't seem like love to me.” she said, glaring at Ellie. “you don't deserve her.” 

Anger poured through Ellie at her sight of her and her words. “and you deserve her?” she scoffed.

“yeah, I’d be much better for her. I could actually treat her right.” she shrugged, smirking at Ellie. 

“yeah right, you fucking crazy bitch could treat her right?” Ellie laughed, causing Alicia to clench her jaw at her words.

“you are so fucking stupid, you don't even get that she never liked you do you? As I have told you before, you were a distraction and now you won’t even get the hint that she wants nothing to do with you.” Ellie said, shaking her head.

“shut up.” Alicia mumbled, gripping the journal tightly in her hand.

“she loves me and if you think that she would leave me for you then you're even dumber than I thought.” Ellie told her as she was feeling the anger building up in her. 

“she doesn’t have to leave you if you're gonna be dead.” Alicia said through gritted teeth, throwing the journal on the table next to her, she pulled a knife out of her pocket.

Ellie looked at her in disbelief, was she really gonna kill her and think that you would date her after killing Ellie?

-

“You and Ellie should come over for dinner this weekend.” Joel said, smiling at you. 

“that would be nice!” you smiled up at him “I could attempt to bake something.” you suggested, scrunching up your face, when you thought about the first time you tried baking and almost burned down the kitchen.

Joel chuckled and patted your shoulder “don't worry about it, I remember the story about the cake.” 

“don’t reming me, that’s kinda embarrassing.” you laughed. “but hey, I can still try, you’re never supposed to give up right?” 

“that’s right, kid.” he smiled at you “alright, well you and Ellie have a nice night yeah?” he said, pulling you into a hug. 

“you too Joel.” you smiled, hugging him back before you pulled away and went over to Ellie’s house.

As you came closer, you heard the sound of glass smashing, startled you ran towards the door, noticing that it was wide open. 

You ran inside, finding Alicia choking Ellie on the floor, both were covered in blood, the room was a mess, broken glass was laying on the floor, along with a broken table. 

Alicia was about pick up a piece of broken glass, presumably to try and kill Ellie but you ran over to her and send a hard kick to her face, knocking her off. Ellie gasped out for air weakly, you pulled her up into a sitting position, noticing all the blood that was running down her cheek from a cut, she looked like she was beginning to fall unconscious.

You turned around quickly when Ellie looked behind you, barely keeping her eyes open, to see Alicia getting up with an angry expression on her face. “y/n..” she mumbled.

Rage filled you at the thought that she tried to kill Ellie, you got up and pulled your backpack off throwing it to the side. 

Alicia looked at you, “you have to understand y/n-

“shut up!” you yelled at her, as you pulled your gun out of your holster and pointed it at her, causing her to gasp at your action, clearly not expecting it. 

She looked like a mad woman, with her long hair in front of her face, blood dripping down from her nose, she looked way worse than Ellie but it didn't matter, she almost killed her.

“you don’t get to come here and touch what’s mine.” you grunted at her, as you put your finger on the trigger.

She clenched her jaw at your words and put her hands into fists “you never gonna love me will you?” 

“you expect me to love you? especially after this?” you scoffed at her, shaking your head.

She let out a grunt before she emerged towards you, startling you. You pulled the trigger, the shot went off but she managed to push your hand away at the last second, dodging the bullet that went straight into the wall. 

She smashed the gun out of your hand and grabbed your shoulders, throwing you against the wall. 

Right when she was about to punch you in the face, you dodged her fist and threw a punch at her instead making her stumble back in pain, you grabbed the glass that was standing on the kitchen counter and smashed it against her face, breaking it in the process. She let out a yelp and touched her face, grunting at the pain. You could feel the broken glass, piercing your skin open but you didn’t care at the moment. 

You started running towards your gun but she recovered already and grabbed your hair, pulling you back, before you could react, she threw a punch at your face and let you fall to the ground. 

“..fuck.” you muttered, crawling away as you saw her walking towards you, you quickly turned around and started to get up but she grabbed you from behind and threw you against the dresser, you tried to catch yourself but it was too late, your head smashed against it, you didn't even register the pain at first but then you felt warm blood running down your face, you could hear a loud ringing in your ears and you began feeling lightheaded, you fell to the side as your vision began to blur. 

You could hear footsteps coming closer to you, you tried to keep your eyes open and to move but you were unable to do anything. 

“this is all your fault y/n.” 

her voice sounded so close and yet so far away as you started to black out. 

the last thing that you heard was a gunshot before you fell unconscious. 

[lovely-seren1ty]

My Own Living Hell pt. 3 (the end)

Joel Miller X Reader

I feel like it’s a bit short and rushed, but I’m shit with endings :((. Hopefully you guys aren’t too disappointed, but if you’d like more just let me know and/or send me some ideas :).

You meet Joel and instantly fall in love, but you are way too young for him. So, you think it’s impossible for the two of you to even be thought of together

Angst with a happy ending, 18+, huge age gap, suicidal thoughts, depression, suicidal, suicide attempt

Previous

What could he possibly want to talk about? Have I done something? No, I swear I haven’t. He’s staying silent and I know it’s because he’s trying to find the right words. This cant be good. I contemplate on booking it up the stairs to my room, but that would be rude and I don’t want to be rude to the man who has been taking care of me. “Listen y/n…” my breathing stills, he’s not looking at me and that’s scary. He’s always looked at me when ever he is discussing something, but why not this time? The silent pause feels like ages, my insides are being rearranged and not in the good way. “You’re an adult, I know that, but I can’t help, but think you’re makin a bad decision.” Bad decision? On what? My mind reals as I try to figure out what he could possibly mean. He looks at me and a look I can’t decipher crosses his face, “I see the way you look at him, kid.” The world around me starts to crumble around me as he continues to talk. Oh god, oh god. I cant hear what he’s saying, but I know it’s nothing good. He thinks it’s wrong, he thinks you’re not good for me. How could he think that of you? I know you don’t have the best past, but I don’t care, so why does he? My breathing is ragged as his voice picks up when I stay silent. What could I possibly say? Nothing that would come out is anything that he wants to hear. “Fuck off, Tommy.” It’s a whisper, but he hears it and I don’t miss the hurt look that crosses his face. It hurts me also, but I can’t stand the way he’s talking about you. He thinks you took advantage of me, he thinks we did stuff… we did, but not in the way he thinks. Even so, what business is it to him? Like he said, I am an adult. “You have no right!” This time I cant help, but yell. I’m so exhausted from everything, I’ve been fighting myself for years and here is the man I looked up to, looking down on me for something I can’t control. I scream at him and he screams back, and tears begin to fall. We both don’t notice when Maria makes her way down and over to us, but we don’t stop. We don’t stop until those two words spill from his mouth, “it’s disgusting and it’s wrong!” So that’s what he thinks of me? Disgusting. Maria yells at him, but the damage is done. “Fuck you Tommy, I wish you had never saved me that day. I wish I never even fucking met you!” Then I’m running out the door, I can hear Maria calling for me, but I can’t stop. My vision is blurry as I run, I want to run to you, but you said you needed time. So, without knowing where else to go, I make my way to the stables. Maybe leaving is what’s best, you seem to think the same way Tommy does, so why not make your choice for you? I’ll miss you and Ellie like crazy, but it’s what’s best. I love you, Joel, I just wish things could’ve ended better.

The stalls are empty when I make it there, so I make my way over to the little hole I stashed my getaway bag in. You’d be proud that I was prepared, I learned that from you. Charlie and I make our way out to the gate and the man on guard questions me suspiciously, but once he sees who I am and listens to my lie, he lets me out. I watch as Jackson gets smaller and smaller the farther we go, and I can’t help, but to hope Tommy doesn’t give you too much trouble since this is his fault after all, not yours. I’m able to make it to the next town over by sunrise, thankfully only coming across a few runners. Nothing I couldn’t handle. Though, just before making my way in I hop off Charlie to give him a goodbye caress. See the thing is, Joel. I plan on going in there and never coming out, and so with that being said I give Charlie a slap on his behind and he’s running off back towards where you are. Life was never easy for me, even when I was a child, I’ve had to fight all through my life up until I met Tommy. He made me feel safe, at home, and just like that he was able to rip it away from me all because of something I couldn’t control. So, if I can’t have you and don’t even have a home to go back to, what’s the point of living? You’d be disappointed in me and possibly even sad, but you’d get over it like you always have. I wish there was another way, but there isn’t. So, as I stand here high above a pit of those things, the images of you play in my mind. It brings a sad smile to my face. I was lucky to have met you and even though I’ve hated the way I feel for you, I wouldn’t of had it any other way. The memories of me and you last night run through my mind as I get ready to step over. I hang my foot over the edge and a pebble falls causing the hoard to notice me. Their screeching fills my ears and I can’t help, but feel scared. No, no this is what I want. This is what I must do. So with that I lean foreword and brace myself for the pain.

Am I dead? Did I black out? I feel nothing, and the screeching can still be heard from below me. Did I serious chicken out and not fall? No, I swear I took the step. So then why the fuck am I still alive? That’s when I finally feel it, feel you. Your strong arms are wrapped around my waist so tightly that I’m surprised I’m still able to breathe. Your hollow breaths are fanning my neck as your head presses into the back of mine. How did you find me? How did you know? Your arms tighten as a noise that sounds close to a growl leaves your chest. You’re angry, of course you are. I don’t blame you, I’d be angry too if the roles were reversed. “What the hell were you thinking?!” Your angry shout echoes through my head as the screeching fades from around me. You turn me around to look at you, but I can’t. I don’t want to see the look on your face, I can already imagine how hurt and angry you are. Your hands gently cup my face to force me to look at you and my heart breaks at the scared and hurt look in your eyes. I didn’t mean to hurt you, Joel, I promise. I thought this would make things better. Hot tears slide down my face and you wipe them away so gently, “oh, baby girl.” You pull me into your warm chest and as the earth shattering sobs rake through my body. I gasp out to you how sorry I am, I know I sound incoherent, but you still understand what I’m saying. You pull me along with you until we make it out and back to where your horse is. Then we’re heading back, with me sitting in front of you while you hold me like I’ll disappear, I promise I won’t leave you again. You speak up an my heart feels heavy as you tell me you came to see me, but overheard everything that happened. You don’t tell me why you came and it has me wondering. You say you saw me storm out, and how you wanted to go after me, but you thought I was going over to Ellie’s. My heart skips at that, you really do care don’t you? Then you tell me how you talked to Tommy and I can’t help, but hold my breath as you do. “I told him how I felt about you, and he punched me in the god damn face.” A giggle escapes my lips and I can feel you smile down at me. Does this mean what I think it means? My insides flutter as I turn to look at that handsome face of yours. The morning sun makes you glow more than usual and it does wonders to me. How did I get so lucky to have a man like you fall for a stupid girl like me? A smirk graces your face at my staring and I blush. “Does that mean…” you just hum and nod and that’s a god enough answer for me. That’s when my heart finally comes back to me, it no longer lays in the pits of hell, and I feel so alive. You want to give us a chance, you want us to be together, and that makes me so fucking happy, Joel. So, without hesitation, I latch my lips onto yours for what feels like forever. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get use to the taste of you, this worlds been cruel to me, but for once it’s giving me something to live for. I promise you, I will live every second of every minute just to make you happy because I never want to stop seeing that rare, but breathtaking smile of yours. It deserves to be shown more often and I will make sure that happens.

When we make it back to the gate Tommy and Maria are there waiting. I won’t lie, a little part of me is still beyond angry at what he said, but he’s like my father… how could I not forgive him. You help me down like the gentleman you are and I can’t help, but to stare at you with a loving smile and you look right back at me. Our moment is broken by an angry, but worried Maria pulling me into a hug. “What were you thinking, y/n?!” I hold her tightly and whisper out an apology to which she of course forgives me for, but not without saying to never pull something like that again. I look into your eyes as I tell her that I promise I won’t. Then my eyes catch Tommy’s hesitant figure, he looks like he’s been through hell. I would love to to give him a hug and tell him all is forgiven, but that little part of me that is still hurt won’t let me. So, I stand there with my arms crossed and a emotionless face. I can feel you staring at me as you wait for my reaction, Maria also. I can tell she’s angry with Tommy and that makes me feel pity for him, I wouldn’t want to come between them. “Listen y/n, I’m-” I cut him off with a raise of the hand and begin to speak, my voice sounding older and more exhausted than I really am. I explain to him how I’m an adult who is in love with a man, it may be frowned upon by our age difference, but that doesn’t make it wrong. I also tell him how good of a man you are and how well we work which is why I don’t care what anyone thinks and that includes him. “I forgive you Tommy, of course I do, but it still hurts that you said those things to me. So, I would love to still have you in my life, but only if you can accept my feelings. If not then I think it’s best if we part ways…” Maria tries to plead with me, but I stop her. I said what needed to be said and it’s the only way for this to work. I watch his face as every single emotion crosses his features, then he’s walking up to me and pulling me into his chest. “I accept it, but I won’t hesitate to shoot his head off if he hurts ya. Got it?” I laugh as a tear runs down my cheek, you scoff in the distance. Thank you, Tommy.

If someone were to tell me years ago that I’d be standing here in your arms, looking at each other with nothing, but love in our eyes, I would’ve laughed. You falling in love with me? Would of never even thought to be possible, but here you are. Your arm around my waist while your hand is in mine, and our bodies pressed close together. That smile of yours never leaves your face these days and it makes my insides feel warm, no matter how many days go by I can never get use to it. My eyes shut as I rest my head against your chest and think back on the last year since we got together. The smile on my face hurts my cheeks as the memories of us play out in my mind. A giggle slips past my lips at the memory of our first time out in public together, “what are ya gigglin about, sweetheart?” You also never stopped calling me that and even so, it never fails to bring me butterflies. I hum in content, everyone around us has disappeared long ago. “Oh, just how adorably awkward you were the first time we danced like this,” my eyes finally meet your sparkling ones and you roll your eyes. You never were one to like to admit to things which is funny, so of course you deny that you were awkward. You play it off as being rusty with the whole dating thing and dancing. I’ll let you have it your way just this time, but only this one time. Not too long after we both head out to go back home, our home. My eyes take in your beauty as the moonlight reflects off you, I never have and never will get use to how beautiful you are. You use to be my living hell, but now you’re my heaven, my home, and for that I promise to love you until the end of time. I won’t ever stop loving you, Joel Miller. Never.

[retroellie]

If I Ever Were To Lose You

Summary: Y/N helps Ellie through a nightmare

A/N: This sucks ass and I’m sorry but enjoy <3

Warnings: Death, nightmares and talk about NSFW 

Word Count: 3K 

“Y/N?” Ellie called out. 

She frantically ran around the building, opening doors and breaking glass just to find you. She felt like she couldn’t breathe, she’s not sure what happened. All she knew was the knot in her stomach grew and you were gone. 

“Shit! Y/N WHERE ARE YOU?” She basically screamed out. 

Her heart beat grew louder, she swore it could pop right out of her chest. Door after door, she couldn’t find you. The emptiness of the building was terrifying, it felt lonely and especially since she didn’t know where you were. Worry and fear clouded her mind, she couldn’t lose you. 

She was beginning to lose hope, to finally accept defeat until she heard a strange growl coming from the last door down the hall. Her last bit of hope carried her down the hall. 

“Y/N” She shouted. 

She ran down the long hall that only seemed to get longer. Broken glass and unopened broken doors pasted by her, it seemed to go on forever. She came to a screeching stop when she reached the door, busting it open. 

“Y/n?” She asked once more. 

She looked around, her eyes adjusting to the sudden darkness. It was empty, the only sound was the creaking of a broken light, swinging in the light breeze sweeping through the room. She had lost hope, the last person she loved and cared for lost. 

She pressed her back against the wall, trying to catch her breath but the lump in her throat choking her. She let out a few broken sobs, finally giving in. She had no one to be strong for, no one to love and be loved by. She had no one. 

“Ellie?” A voice called out

Ellies had shot up, she  recognized the voice from anywhere, she heard that phrase come out of your mouth many times. Either that was laughing it out or in broken sobs and gasp or even breathy moans. It was music to her ears. 

“Y/n” She gasped. She stood up, bringing you into the biggest hug she’s ever giving you. 

“Ellie..” You laughed. “You’re strangling me.” You joked, attempting to pull her off of you. 

“Sorry.” She chuckled, pulling away from you.”I-i just thought i lost you.” She wiped her nose with the back of her sleeve. 

She took a good look at you, you looked different. Your eyes were darker than normal and your skin looked almost like rubber, like you weren't real. 

“I’m sorry baby,” You started. “I saw a kitty, I had to go after it.” 

Ellies eyebrows knitted together in confusion, you were never that reckless no matter how much you loved animals. Something was off, you didn’t seem like yourself. 

“Y/n? Is something wrong?” She asked as she started to feel weird 

You just gave her a big smile, it was too big of a smile. Your skin started to droop, like it was falling off. Your smile got bigger and bigger until your skin started to crack, it was like a scene from a horror movie. Ellie backed up, not sure if she should run or not. 

“Everything is fine, my love.” Your voice echoing through the room, turning into almost a growl. 

Ellie slowly stepped back, terrified at the sight in front of her. Your skin began to fall off revealing cyst and bumps, your eyes had turned almost black, your skin turned a sickly grey color and a big bite mark on your neck was now seen. Ellie now realized what was happening, you had gotten bit and you're now tuning. She couldn’t save you. 

Her eyes started to burn and her heart had stopped for a minute, realizing her failure. You were Ellies most prized possession, She believed you were too good for this horrible world. You didn’t deserve to go out like this, bitten by one of those monsters and eventually a bullet between your eyes. 

She could've run but she didn’t want to leave you to die here by yourself, she wanted to die by your side. She knew you had already turned, there was no stopping it so she just watched as your skin cracked open and cyst formed on your soft skin. 

“I’m sorry.” Ellie whispered in defeat. “I couldn’t save you.” 

You didn’t even look like yourself at this point, you weren't yourself. She didn’t know if you were in there anymore or if you were trapped inside this monster's skin. You took a step closer, one foot after the other making your way to her. She just let you, she stood there completely frozen ready for her slow death. 

“You never deserved this Y/n.” She sobbed out, watching your every step. It was torture as you slowly limped to her. “You were always too good for this world, too good for me...”

You were inches away from her, arms reached out to grab her. She moved into your arms, wanting it to go faster. She looked into your cold dead eyes once more before closing hers, preparing herself for the pain. She was ready for it, ready to be consumed by the sweet release of death. 

She felt your hot breath on her neck, your short and panted breaths. You wrapped your hand around her throat before letting out a terrible screech, finally sinking your teeth into her neck. She let out a strangled scream, the pain hitting her hard and fast. 

It hurt so bad, she felt her heart pound in her ears. She grabbed onto your shoulders, the pain making her feel faint. The blood pumping out of the wound, she felt her body rush to the ground, she was moving in and out of consciousness. Her own throat strangling her, stealing her oxygen from her. Her eyes felt heavy and her brain fuzzy. Is this what death felt like, like your oxygen being stolen away from you. She let out a single breath and her heart stopped pumping. She laid there cold, dead and alone, just how she knew she would. 

-

-

Ellie's eyes shot open, her heart feeling like it was going to jump right out of her chest. She shot up, not being able to breath. She put a hand on her chest, feeling like she was having a heart attack, she gasped for air. She didn’t know where she was or if she was dead, nothing made sense to her. Until she felt a hand on her shoulder, She reached into her pocket grabbing her knife. She flung her body around holding the knife to the person. 

“ellie, hey! it’s okay.” The person whispered yelled. 

She saw who it was, it was you. Her body eased up when she saw it was you, her breath finally coming back to her. She dropped her knife and let out a big breath, a breath she didn’t even know she was holding in. 

“I’m sorry.” She choked out. 

You crawled over beside her, laying your head on her shoulder and rubbing soft circles on her back. That calmed her down a lot, her breathes were still coming out in short gasps. 

“It’s okay baby, you’re doing great.” You whispered encouraging words into her ear. “Just keep breathing for me, okay?” 

She did what you said, no longer having to fight for air. She didn’t know she was crying until she felt the wetness on her cheeks. She wiped the tears off her face, letting her body relax. 

“You’re okay baby.” You whispered once more. “You're safe, nothings gonna hurt you.” 

She turned her head to look at you, you looked sleepy. She must have woken you up. Your hair was messy, the illumination of the fire brought out your slight eye bags. She thought your were the most beautiful woman she has ever seen, she was so in love with you she couldn’t even hide it sometimes. 

“I’m sorry I woke you.” She whispered. You just smiled, giving her a small kiss on the tip of the nose. 

“It’s fine, I was already awake because of Tommy's snores.” You giggled. 

Ellie looked over to see two shapeless blobs right next to them, That’s when everything came back to her. You guys had been on your rounds with Tommy and Joel  before it got too bad outside, the snow was physically hurting when they decided to just camp out at one of the lookouts. It was a nice cabin, it had a great view and a huge fireplace. 

“He does snore pretty loud.” Ellie jokes, putting a hand on your thigh. 

“Right! I've had to kick him so many times.” You grinned. 

Ellie chuckled, looking back over at you. You were staring back at her, with a soft expression on. Not even 5 minutes ago Ellie saw your skin fall off and you turn, now she was here with you. She was able to touch and hold you without you biting her face off. She held a hand up to caress your face, eventually pulling you into a kiss. 

You kissed back, it started off innocent. Her hands softly caressing your skin, yours running  through her hair comfortably. Then it became more passionate, like it was the last time you would be in the same room with each other. Ellies hand wandered under your shirt, her cold hands making you perk up. You gasped into the kiss, giggling because her hands were so cold. 

“Your hands are so cold.” You whispered, pulling away from her. Ellie just grinned, keeping her hands up your shirt.

“Your boobs are so warm though.” She joked, placing her cold hands on your bare boobs. 

The coldness of her hands made your yelp too loudly for your liking. She quickly removed a hand and covered your mouth. You both looked over at the sleeping men, they were both still passed out. She looked back over at you and laughed. 

“You're an asshole.” you said, pulling her hand away from your mouth. 

You shifted to lay down, your hair sprawled out on the pillow perfectly. You looked like an angel, the fire highlighting your face. If Tommy and Joel weren’t in the room Ellie would’ve pinned you down, pleasuring you until you couldn’t see straight but she had to behave. 

“You love me.” She replied, moving a hand to your bare thigh. 

“Yeah, right” You rolled your eyes. “Now come here, i’m cold.” 

You held your arms up hinting at her to lay with you. She chuckled, shifting to lay in between your legs, laying her head on your chest. She watched the fire dance, causing soft shadows on the walls. She finally had time to rerun her dream, what happened and how it felt like the ground below her got yanked out below her. 

“Y/n?” Ellie spoke softly. 

“Hmm.” You replied back. 

She felt your hand run through her hair, something that always put Ellie to sleep almost instantly. This time she doesn’t even know if she wanted to go back to sleep. 

“Please don’t leave me.” She sighed out. 

She felt your arms tighten around her, your heart and the heat of your embrace lulling her to sleep. 

“Ellie, baby.” You spoke, your voice making her move her head to look at you. “I’m not going to leave you, i don’t know what you dreamed of but i’m not going anywhere.” 

Ellie saw your eyes gloss over, either that was you about to cry or the lack of sleep you had gotten but the pure emotion in your voice and in your eyes made her believe you. 

“I just..” she started, hesitant of what to say. “i just don’t want you to get hurt or turn, if you were immune it wo...” 

“Ellie stop.” Your voice was stern but not stern enough to scare or embarrass her. “ I’m not planning on getting bit any time soon and even if i do it’s not your fault.” 

You pushed her hair out of her face, her puffy eyes watering once again. You knew about her immunity and how she went to the fireflies, you don’t know what went down there but you knew if there was a cure it wouldn’t have done much, people were still dicks in the old world and you knew they weren’t going to change all of a sudden. 

“This entire situation is not your fault, I know you want things to be different but they're not.” Your voice was still silky smooth to Ellie, no matter how stern you were trying to be. “I don't care about that right now though Ellie, you're here with me. You are all I need.” 

She nodded and turned her head back to the fire, she wanted to believe you but she couldn’t. She blames herself for a lot, but this was the one that made her break down every time. You felt the hurt she felt, you would give anything just to make her realize there was nothing she could do. 

“Plus people are assholes, i don’t think they deserve part of you inside them.” You attempted to lighten the mood and it worked. 

Ellie let out a stifled laugh, shaking her head. You chuckled along with her, closing your eyes. To say you were exhausted was an understatement. 

“I love you weirdo.” Ellie whispered, her eyes falling closed as well. 

“I love you too, asshole.” you replied. 

Ellie snuggled closer to you, hearing your soft heart beat drum in your chest. Your hand is still running through her hair, allowing her to feel safe and relax while she fell asleep. 

-

-

“Come on, wake up love birds.” A voice spoke, waking Ellie up from her slumber. She groaned as her eyes fluttered open, the sun peaking through the windows. 

“Come on, we gotta get back to Jackson.” The voice said again. 

Ellie looked over to see Tommy packing up his backpack. Joel was by the kitchen table, strumming his guitar strings. Ellie groaned once more, looking down at the still sleeping girl below her. 

“What time is it?” She asked, slowly getting up. 

“I don't know, 11 maybe 12.'' Tommy spoke. 

“Damn, we slept in.” Ellie gave a good stretch and stood up, causing you to turn over on your side

“You're gonna wake up sleeping beauty over there.” Tommy nodded over to you. 

Ellie looked over at you, you were still passed out. Your hair was covering your face and your hands were placed by your head. She grinned down at you and shook her head. 

“I’ll let her sleep for a little longer, she had a long night.” She replied, walking over to the table she laid her stuff on. 

She started packing her stuff up along with yours, she knew you would be too tired to do it. You didn’t sleep in often so she thought you could use the extra sleep. 

“Was that y’all talking last night?” Joel asked, putting down his guitar and putting his backpack on. 

“Yeah, sorry we didn’t mean to disturb you or anything.” She said, zipping her backpack up and moving on to yours 

“No it’s fine, I was dead to the world anyways. Just wondering.” Joel said.

Ellie nodded and went on with packing your bag up, she even folded your stuff up nicely. The two boys got ready for the small and cold trip, putting on layers and layers of clothes. You were still passed out, Ellie was dreading having to wake you up. You were so calm and peaceful when you slept. 

“Alright, you should wake her up. I’ll bring in the horses.” Tommy stated, throwing his backpack on. “Maria’s probably got the whole town looking for us.” He joked. 

He walked out the door, Joel following him but stopping in the doorway, turning to ellie. 

“I’m glad you're talking to someone.” Joel spoke, causing Ellie to look over at him. “You know, you're not holding stuff in. I'm glad, she’s a real nice girl” He finished. Ellie nodded, leaning on the table. She looked down at your jacket and smiled. 

“Yeah, she’s good.” She smiled, there was an awkward silence between them for a minute. 

She was glad Joel approved of you. She knew you and Joel got along well, you liked Joel real well but Ellie wasn’t sure if Joel was okay with you two being together, he was from the old world. It was different back then but that statement just confirmed he was okay with it. 

 “Well, I gotta go wake up the princess.” She chuckled. 

“Yeah, i’ll go help him with the horse.” Joel said. 

Ellie nodded as she watched him leave the house, looking down at your jacket again. She sighed knowing it was going to suck having to wake you up. She grabbed your jacket, making her way to where you were. Your chest rose and fell calmingly, it almost made ellie wanna crawl back into bed with you. 

She kneeled down and moved the hair from your face, bending down to pepper your face with soft kisses. You squirmed a bit, your eyes fluttering opened and seeing her. 

“Come on, we gotta get going.” Ellie spoke, giving her a peck on the lips. You stretched your body a bit before sighing. 

“Can’t yall just leave me here, i’ll walk back.” you joked. 

“Come on weirdo, you can attempt to sleep on the horse.” Ellie replied back. 

You rolled your eyes before sitting up, Ellie handed you your jacket. You slipped it on and stood up. Ellie went to go get your backpack but you pulled her into a hug. She didn’t refuse your hug, she melted into it. You stood on your tippy toes and kissed her, Ellie kissed back. The kiss was long and innocent before you pulled away. 

“Good morning to you too.” Ellie grinned. 

You laughed, pulling her into another kiss. This one was more passionate, it was the kind of kiss that left you breathless. 

“Okay come on you two, enough face eating. we’re ready” Tommy interrupted. 

You both laughed and Ellie pecked your lips one last time, loosening her hold on you. 

“To be continued.” She whispered. 

-

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!Credits to gif owner!

[prismadog]

Found Family AU character facts/background (part 7)

well, folks, we've made it to the last one of these posts - minus the upcoming master post. these just seem to get longer and longer, or maybe it's just because the past two have been about siblings? idk, all I know is that I'm a bit tired of writing these atm.

this last one should - SHOULD be shorter, but we'll see. this one will feature our last two characters - Mr. there's-no-such-thing-as-a-demon Joel Smallishbeans and good ol' Copper Dad Pixlriffs.

*did you know that Mesoglea is a word? I didn't until I kept trying to type "Mezalea" and my computer kept wanting to change it. Mesoglea is a gelatinous substance between the endoderm and ectoderm of sponges or cnidarians, or something. there's your word of the day and it's all thanks to the red squiggly line that appears every time I type "Mezalea"

*edit: guess what? y'all get two of these in one day because I felt like writing this last one! [technically, it's already Saturday but to me, the next day doesn't start until the sun comes up so yeah...two in one day! whoo!] the master post will be tomorrow sometime but idk when.

Joel

Joel is the only child to the Mezalean King and Queen, and was less born to them and more born from the Mother Tree - they couldn't have children so they begged the Mother Tree for an heir, She granted them a child who they raised as their own.

he was often alone growing up, never really played with the other children, but he wasn't lonely - so he and others would say - because he had his terracotta clones. he built many of them with his own two hands and the Mother Tree gave them life. he was raised as a prince and often went to the Gathering of the Empires with his father.

he got on well enough with the other children but kept mostly to himself - that is until he met the princess of the Ocean Empire. he noticed the other noble children seemed afraid of her so he took it upon himself to befriend her - plus, she was so different from the humans/clones around him, she was interesting with her pink hair and pearlescent skin and unnaturally blue eyes.

they would meet at the Gathering and spend the whole time together talking about their kingdoms and their hobbies - Joel was really into building and playing pranks on people, Lizzie was into raising axolotls and has a brother who she looks after. the short meetings weren't enough and Joel talked to his parents about visits with the Ocean Empire - it only makes sense since the two empires boarder each other. unknown at that moment, the Oceanic rulers proposed the same thing to the Mezalean rulers.

visits began between the two kingdoms and Joel found himself in love quickly enough - he loved Lizzie, he loved her little brother, he loved the Ocean Empire itself. but he kept his feelings to himself for fear of rejection, that is until he was about 16 when Lizzie came to him with talk of marriage - their parents had been discussing it but didn't want to force their children into it. he and Lizzie talked it over then went to their parents together and promised a future wedding, he also promised that Jimmy could be his best man.

life was peaceful, there were plenty of long visits between kingdoms, him and Jimmy often got into trouble - then the King of the Ocean Empire was killed. Joel tried to be there for her but found travel between kingdoms difficult due to the ongoing storms surrounding the Ocean Empire, he still managed to write Lizzie and once was able to visit - though getting back was just as difficult as getting in.

then several months later the storms stopped and Lizzie wrote to him about her taking the throne - she had said the Queen returned to the sea, though, he didn't really understand what that meant. he returned to the Ocean Empire and was there for Lizzie's coronation. he started visiting regularly for a time and each visit seemed to last longer than the one before it - he was there so often that Jimmy suggested he just move in. he did, with both his parents' and Lizzie's permission.

two years after that, he asked Lizzie to marry him and she said yes. they had two ceremonies, a proper land-dweller one in Mezalea, and another smaller Oceanic ceremony. being King now to the Ocean Empire meant he was basically a trophy husband but he didn't mind, he was happy as long as he was at Lizzie's side. if there was a Gathering, he or Jimmy would go with her, though usually Jimmy stayed home to watch over the kingdom - but he made sure to bring him plenty of stories and food from the Gathering.

Joel received word from his parents that an illness had struck Mezalea and the King and Queen had caught it. he returned home immediately to help where he could, Lizzie often sent aid to him, as did the kingdom's ally Pixandria - he had hardly ever spoken to the Copper King but he was glad for the aid. his parents unfortunately didn't survive and he lost a good number of civilians to the illness. but it was cured, with the help of the Mother Tree and magic from the Crystal Cliffs, and he became King of Mezalea.

with the illness cured, visits started up again between Mezalea and the Ocean Empire, though there was a lot more time spent apart than together but he and Lizzie made it work. Jimmy sent messages and gifts between the couple, often getting some for himself, until of course Jimmy became of age and wanted to travel the world.

Joel and Lizzie saw Jimmy off - it never ceased to amaze him how his two best friends could turn into giant sea creatures that could wipe out a fleet of ships. they managed visits on their own and sometimes he got letters from Jimmy. the letters stopped for a time and Lizzie grew worried, worried enough that storms nearly threatened the kingdom - but then Jimmy finally wrote them again and things were okay, he was in a swamp settlement and the people were taking care of him.

he and Lizzie went out right away to see him and found him at home in the swamp amongst a bunch of fish-human hybrids. he watched as Lizzie lectured her brother then babied him, then helped set Jimmy up as the ruler of the swamp settlement - the Cod Empire. they left Jimmy sometime later but saw him again at the next Gathering.

Jimmy got on well enough with the other rulers, despite the cod head he wore, though Joel noticed some rulers picking on him. he helped Jimmy from time to time, just so his brother wouldn't be alone, but didn't worry too much since Lizzie wasn't worrying - she was extremely protective of Jimmy but if she wasn't stepping in, then there was no need to worry.

Joel had met many of the rulers when he was a child so he knew pretty much everyone there. the only ones he hadn't met before was Count fWhip of the Grimlands, Wizard Gem of the Crystal Cliffs, and King Joey of the Lost Empire. Gem was all right for a mage, he ended up becoming frenemies with fWhip due to the teasing of Jimmy, and Joey was just weird so he didn't really talk to him unless need be. he got to know Pix a bit more when Pix decided to ally himself with Lizzie and Jimmy, and he started calling the man "Copper Dad" since his main trade was copper.

Pixl

Pixl was found by a pair of miners in a cave beneath the sands and was taken back to a large desert village, nobody really knew where he had come from, only that he was gifted with visions of death - of those around him and of rulers of the kingdoms outside of the desert. the villagers thought him odd and a bad omen, at first anyway, because he always knew who would die next and would light a candle for them when they passed.

they accepted him after a time, once they realized that he wasn't actually the cause - he would preach to them about Lady Death sometimes and how she would care for their loved ones. everyone in the village had a hand in raising him, as well as raising other children which was their way - it takes a village to raise a child.

Pixl learned how to farm and mine and care for animals, and he learned to build. his first build, guided by his visions, was the Vigil - it stood tall in the center of the village and was home to 12 different colored candles - only two of which were lit - one for Elfking Scott of Rivendell and one for Queen Katherine of the Flower Fields. the rest remained untouched. these flames never went out and the villagers often questioned him about them - he told them that there will be 12 mighty rulers that would change the world, for better or worse he didn't know.

over the years, he continued building up the village, he watched over the Vigil as Prophet of Death, and started working with copper and trading it for other goods. the people began to go to him for help and looked up to him as a leader, they named him the Copper King - a new candle was lit for himself when he was crowned, something he hadn't known would happen.

he continued leading his people and made a few alliances with other kingdoms - with Queen Katherine and the King of Mezalea. there wasn't a lot of contact between the kingdoms other than the Gathering, of which, he never failed to go to. over the years, he watched rulers age and die and watched their heirs take over. it took a long time for him to meet the children who would one day have their candles lit.

the next candle to be lit was for Pearl of Smallholding, though, he didn't know who she was at the time, he didn't even meet her until many years later. the next few happen fairly quickly - Queen Lizzie of the Ocean Empire, King Joel of Mezalea, and a couple years later Dwarf King Sausage of Mythland - these three he had watch grow up through the Gatherings. shortly after Mythland, Wizard Gem took over as the ruler of the Crystal Cliffs - he had known the previous Wizard and through them, knew of their protégé. a year after Gem was her twin brother, Count fWhip of the Grimlands - a new kingdom that managed to rise up from its own sort of desert. a few years later was King Joey of the Lost Empire and Codfather Jimmy of the Cod Empire - Joey's kingdom had once been named Maztec but had been in hiding for so long that it lost its name. due to his alliance with Joel, Pix decided it best to ally himself with Lizzie and Jimmy as well, somewhat through association but mostly because he liked them.

one candle remains unlit and no matter how much Pixl prays, the answers as to why remain a mystery. he still watches over the Vigil and keeps a count of each rulers' deaths - for some reason, the 11 rulers are allowed to revive themselves every time they die. he finds this odd as well, and a bit concerning.

[slutsofren]

Danger Days Chapter 1: Summertime

Summary:  You think you've settled in pretty well to Jackson, your best friend Maria was leading the community with her husband Tommy. Things were going rather fine until a turbine went south. While at the power plant, you came across two visitors. Joel needs his brother to complete a mission but you stepped in, dredging up your past with FEDRA, with the Fireflies. Shit can't hit the fan twice right?

Word Count: 1,399

Read on AO3 here

Warnings: none, just a bit of backstory

Notes: this is a Joel x Reader/OFC multi-chap series, absolutely no use of y/n or other descriptors as long as I can try. Reader is about 30-35 in this timeline.

You put on the worn-in boots, trying to ignore the phantom pains shooting in your left hand. The skin around the nub where your pinky used to be was swollen and throbbing. It frustrated the hell out of you. After all these years, memories and ghosts haunted you whenever the nerves flared up in your palm. Doing your best to ignore it, you laced up the last shoe and grabbed your black sherpa denim jacket, tossing it over your shoulders to keep the late summer chill away.

“Oh shit,” you whispered to yourself as you took a step outside your home, immediately being blasted by the cold.

Tonight was one of the weekly adult get-togethers at Seth’s, something most of the Jackson residents looked forward to. Usually, you’d never bother with attending but your best friend and her husband managed to convince you to come out and relax for once. Admittedly, it was rare for you to have a night off since you often volunteered to walk the perimeter of the safe zone, keeping an eye out for any activity.

Your feet shuffled along until you came to the bar, the music wafting through the air and you made your way inside.

The pub was lively tonight, you could spot a few couples having a blast dancing to the music playing from the jukebox. It seemed like tonight the adults were throwing it back and reminiscing with some old 1980s music. You called over the man himself, Seth, and he grabbed you a beer.

Thank the stars the greenhouse had a steady growth of hops, you couldn’t imagine trying to do any of this sober. You leaned against an unoccupied area of the bar table, idly watching as people danced and sipped at the bottle.

After doing this little routine, the drink was getting a little warm from the heat of your palm but that was alright, you were living in the moment. Your best friend and her husband always told you to let your hair down every once in a while, so to speak. It was near impossible to always be on edge, waiting for the next fight. For half your life this is how it’s been, it’s hard to shake off that feeling even after a couple years of relative safety.

You looked up from your drink, your eyes finding the couple on your mind. You sat watching as Maria and Tommy were in the dead center of the dance floor looking at each other like there was not a damn worry in the world. It was something you envied of the woman, if you could admit it to yourself. Not everybody finds love and some semblance of peace in the goddamn apocalypse. Good for her, good for them .

Gustavo, an elderly Hispanic man, walked up and stood next to you. “Mija, why don’t you go dancing? You’re too pretty to be standing here alone,” he says, his subtle accent eliciting a soft smile from you.

“Because you know I’d sooner bite their heads off if they tried, tio.” Gustavo wasn’t related to you but you loved the blacksmith like family, so much that you called him your uncle.

The elder man gave a hearty laugh, his calloused hand gave your cheek a small pat. “I want to see you dance with somebody before I die,” he says as he turns to leave.

You give him an incredulous look, “Don’t keel over too soon, tio, or I’ll bring you back myself and make you wait even longer!”

His laughter still rings in your ears long after he walks away. Your eyes steal a few more glances at the dancefloor as you turn around and abandon you nearly empty glass of beer on the countertop and resume watching how everybody sang along and moving ungraciously together. Feeling alive, living in the moment. Carpe diem or some shit , you think.

It doesn’t take much for Maria’s perpetual scowl to mark across her face, that woman was always pissed off about something. So, when the power went out in the pub, you could only imagine the blonde woman immediately furrowing her brows, grumbling something explicit wanting to find out what cut her date night short. Being the leader of the community rarely had nights off.

The crowd inside Seth’s was slightly alarmed, power hardly ever went out in Jackson. It usually signalled the worse. You gently shoved your way to where you last saw Tommy and Maria and found her leather clad arm, “Think it’s bandits?”

“I hope not,” came from Tommy to your right, his voice low and weary.

“Alright everybody, go home. We will figure out what’s going on and we will all be back to our normal routines. Got it?” Maria’s voice was short and authoritative, something you sure scared the shit out of some of the younger kids.

Slowly, the patrons all filed out, using whatever the moon illuminated as their only guide to getting outside safely. You could hear a few curses and muttering every time it sounded like somebody walked into a stool or table, it was kind of funny.

Tommy was the first to pipe up, “Let’s head to the fence, make sure everybody is okay.”

The three of you filed out and headed straight for the perimeter, there were no sounds of shouting or gunshots which was good to note. The closer each of you got to the fence, the eerie silence met with you.

“The electric fence is down,” Maria grumbled.

You looked at her, “Think the power plant is out?”

“Probably,” she sighs, “We can leave at first light.”

After you leave them, you head straight for your home as they continued to circle the perimeter and talk with whoever was on guard duty tonight.Your home was a walk away, further out from the other homes. It’s not much outside of a small studio loft but you loved it. It’s cozy and has everything you need within a couple dozen steps.

The room is dark, naturally, but you manage to walk to the little kitchenette off to the left of your room to find your solar lantern. One of the best damn discoveries you managed to find since the pandemic hit. It turned on easily, creating a dim glow around your room. You went to your desk and started to get your backpack ready for the trip to the dam. Stuffing it of some snacks, your spare knives, and some extra bullets, each a hotter commodity than the next.

It had been rainy recently so you decided to pack a couple extra jackets and flannels, making sure you had plenty of socks to go too.

By the time you finish packing your backpack for the excursion, a soft knock arrives at your door. You opened it to find Gustavo standing there, looking bright eyed. “Mija, I heard you were headed out to the dam.”

You nodded, “Wanna come in, tio?”

“Ah, no, Antonia is waiting for me,” at the mention of his wife, the lovely woman, you wonder where she was hiding at Seth’s. The two of them hardly go far without the other. “I just wanted to come by and bring you this.” Gustavo puts a semi-large wrapped gift in your hands and you take it, shifting it this way and that.

You open it, removing the ornate paper and it opens to a brown rectangular box. You slip the lid off and find an incredible hunting knife with a leather holster. “Gustavo,” you say. Your eyes wide in adoration, looking at the handcrafted knife.

His chest puffs out in pride, “Just don’t let Tovar see it, pendejo has been trying to take it.” The two of you chuckle at the expense of his young apprentice. He was a bit of a handful and full-time idiot, you admit.

Putting the knife down at the small table by your front door, you give Gustavo a warm hug and your thanks. He left shortly after that but not without giving the old man a kiss on the cheek and a promise to not hurt yourself with his gift, and another for keeping it away from Tovar.

You shut the door and turned back to your loft, standing in the dim light. Leaning against the door, you take a moment and close your eyes. Tomorrow’s excursion was going to be long.

[tlou-1]

Joel Miller x Reader (Home) Chapter 21

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6| Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13| Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21 | Chapter 22 

Chapter 21 - Joel is in a really bad way, you and Ellie await to see how and if he will recover

Contains | SMUT and a minor glimpse/reference to PTSD

A couple of days pass and you still had’t left the surgery, you had barely left the chair sat across from Joel’s bed. He still hadn’t gained consciousness, from the beating, the drugs, the stitches. On the second night Molly brought you a change of clothes and suggested you head home for some sleep and to check on Patrick. 

“I left Patrick with you for a reason Molly. I am not going anywhere until I know he is okay” you said shortly to her nodding your head towards Joel. You would be no use to Patrick like this and what child should have to see his parents like this at such a young age, you trusted Molly to look after him for a couple days.

“Fine but at least change your clothes, your jeans are soaked in blood.” She sighed pointing at the pile she had set out for you. For the first time you looked and felt the clothes you were wearing, the dried, crusted blood on your knees creating a smell of iron which filled your nose with nausea. You washed and changed like she asked but after sat right back into the same seat. 

A couple hours when dusk had set in Ellie appeared at the door, neither of you seemed to know what to say to the other. Nothing would make this better, the only person that could was lying in the bed next you both unable to do so. Ellie pulled up a chair next to you and you took her hand, she clenched it tightly. You both fell asleep together on those chairs that third night. 

In the morning, Ellie brought you both two mugs of coffee, “I hate the stuff to be honest but I love the smell.” She sighs. 

You smile slightly at her, “I know exactly what you mean”, neither of you could smell the stuff without thinking of Joel. 

You reach your hand out to Joel’s and squeeze it. Ellie props herself at the foot of the bed as you feel something brush across the top of your hand. You look down to see Joel’s thumb stroking the back of your hand slowly.

“Ellie” you whisper gesturing her to look down at the movement. 

“Joel can you hear me? I am here, Ellie is here too” You call to him. 

“Oh I can hear you darlin, I’d know those two voice anywhere” he says quietly and horsely. He sounded rough but even hearing him call you darlin, well there wasn’t many words that could describe the sense of relief. 

You press your forehead to Joel’s hand which you were holding and let out a deep breath which became a small cry. 

“I thought” you start but you couldn’t finish that sentence. 

“That I would leave the two of you and Patrick? Not today anyway but I see you are already into my coffee stash” he says taking his time with each word, it was difficult to talk and his laugh barely made it past his lips. Neither you or Ellie laughed, it was clear he was trying to lighten your spirits. Joel could barely see out his swollen eye but he could still see and feel the look on your faces, he grips your hand tighter. 

“Joel I’m so sorry” Ellie begins to cry, really cry with her eyes and nose leaking its like she can barely catch a breath. You want to reach out for her but Joel is already there, putting his hand out to her hush her. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for, you hear. Nothing” He says sternly pulling Ellie’s conscious back into the room. You all sit together a few moments before Joel asks Ellie if he can have a moment with you. “I’ll just go clean our mugs” she suggested offering to take the empty mug from your hand.

There is such a long silence once Ellie leaves, you were about to say something when -

“What on earth were you thinking?” He whispers angrily at you. 

“What? What was I thinking? Are you really asking that now?” You repeat his words defensively. 

“What about the baby, did you think about that? Or Patrick?”.

“What about thank you for saving me Y/N? I don’t know where I would be without you Y/N? Hmm?” Your voice gets a little louder and you continue.

“All I could think when I saw you, like that was that my husband and father of my child was about to get beaten to death in front of me and our daughter. I was not - I wasn’t going to let that happen. You said you wouldn’t leave, you made that promise, I was keeping it.” Your voice shaking as you spoke.

Again Joel says nothing for a bit before a quiet “Thank you Y/N” escapes his lips, he is clearly still frustrated.

“And the baby?” He asks. 

“Joel we haven’t even been to the doctor to confirm if I am pregnant, I am probably too old for it, just because I am late doesn’t mean-“ but he interrupts.

“When in the four years that I have been with you have you been late?” He asked bluntly, the answer was never but you just had a feeling he wasn’t right this time. He was mad, of course he was mad but how you make a ‘rational’ decision in that kind of situation. Maybe the grenade was a dud, maybe it wasn’t, maybe you might have died, maybe you wouldn’t, maybe you were pregnant, maybe you weren’t. The only thing that was certain was Joel was going to die if you didn’t do something, so you did the first thing that came to mind. It seemed hard for him to understand that, maybe he thinks his life isn’t worth that much, ‘what an idiot’ you thought when so many people loved and depended on him. 

“What would you have done if it was me? If you saw me beaten half to death in front of you, would you leave me there?” You asked, he was silent again and you both knew he would never have walked away. Ellie joins you both again “Everything okay?” She asks.

“Yeah we are good kiddo” Joel reassures her with a soft smile. He grimaces slightly, clearly the painkillers beginning to wear off. After Doctor Henry has a good assessment of Joel she explains it’s going to be a couple weeks for a full recovery, “I ain’t staying here for a couple weeks. I want to be in my own house” Joel insists. You pull Doctor Henry aside as you prepare to move Joel home and explain your own situation, “If you let me take a couple samples, I will run some tests and should be able to tell you in a week or so” she smiles. 

Joel spends the next week in your bed at home. By the second week he is beginning to get back on his feet for short periods of time, he manages to walk downstairs and joins you and Patrick to watch a film “What we got tonight?” He asks pulling you into his arms, you let out a large sigh and sink into him. “Patrick picked Monsters Inc again” you point to Patrick who has moved off the sofa to a spot right in front of the TV wanting to be as close as possible. “I’m not pregnant Joel” you whispered so only he could hear, you couldn’t see his face but he squeezed you shoulders tighter and pressed a firm kiss on the crown of your head, “Are you okay?” He asks, you nod your head. You really were okay, “I am. I am really happy with my family. I don’t need anything more than I already have”. You both go back to watching the film and don’t talk about it again. 

That night in bed, Joel turns to you and wraps his arms around the back of you, you feel his hands trail under the shirt you were wearing. “Joel” you groan slightly and press your back into him further, you can feel him stiff against your ass, “Mhm?” He purrs against your ear, “You are still recovering” you state, he wasn’t really in a fit state yet. “I am” he nods and his hands further higher up your top, cupping your breasts. You turn to meet him and press a kiss on his lips before breaking away and venture towards the end of the bed. “Where do you think you’re going?” He asks trying to sit up, you push him back down and begins to pull his underwear away. You lower your head and trail your tongue along his shaft from the bottom to the tip, he let out a hiss as you took him entirely in your mouth. Working away at him with your mouth and hands you feel him tense as he moaned “oh Jesus baby” and finished him off. 

You both fell asleep, you leaning into Joel but being careful with him as good as he was doing, he was still in some discomfort. You watched him sleep, it felt good feeling his chest rise and fall under the palm of your hand. As you feel him breath, you begin to feel him move restlessly under your hand, his breathing becoming erratic. You gently nudge him but it seems to make him worse, you sit up and press your hands at either side of his face, “Joel, Joel wake up! You’re having a nightmare”. Before his eyes flash open he raises his hand to your throat, his grip tightens but quickly loosens as soon as his eyes open and the realisation of who he had in his grip crosses his face. You get your breath back and Joel still hasn’t moved, his eyes wide open, “I - I am sorry. I don’t know wh-“ he says flustered, seemingly unable to move or even blink. 

You move closer to him, almost sitting in his lap, you take his face in your hands and try to force him to look at you “Hey it’s okay, I am okay Joel.” But he is still struggling to look at you and try to pull his face to look at the ground. 

“I just keep seeing it” he says in almost a whisper, you can feel his cheeks are becoming slightly damp. 

Pressing a kiss to his forehead you reply “It’s going to be okay, I promise”. 

[stusbunker]

A Gentlemen’s Agreement Epilogue

A Supernatural Denny AU Fan-fiction Series

Featuring: Dean Winchester/ Benny Lafitte

Other characters: Pamela, Jesse, Caesar, Crowley, Balthazar, Meg, Jo, Lee, Lisa, Sam (mentioned), Drea OFC, Robbie and SJ OMCs, Deanna OFC

Word count: 2340

A/N: Enjoy! xoxo Stu

Brunch

    The sun was bright, but the air was crisp. The remnants of the early snowstorm had left soggy lawns and damp sidewalks. Benny pulled up to the restaurant and parked on the curb, smiling over at Dean. He waited patiently. 

    “You sure this is a good idea?” Dean squinted in the midday light.

    “Been dying to meet ya. Figured it’s only fair, I met your folks, you can meet my people too,” Benny said simply. “But I’m not gonna force ya.”

    “I just, I’m not used to being out in public. In numbers,” Dean sputtered.

    Benny raised a single eyebrow at him. “Well, I guess this is your best shot to try it out, dontcha think?”

    “What if they don’t like me? I don’t want you to have to choose between me and your friends,” Dean explained the root of the problem.

    “I like you, they will too. Just relax, be your charming self and if you don’t know what to say, you can just keep eating.” Benny put his hand on Dean’s thigh, squeezing just so.

    Dean growled out a sigh. “Fine. But you’re paying.”

    Like that could make an uncomfortable situation worth it. Benny smirked at Dean’s logic, waiting for his face to soften from grouchy to amiable. Once Dean relaxed, Benny kissed him, just long enough to keep him flustered and climbed out of the truck.

     They approached a large round table midway along the heated patio, where four people were already seated.

A raven haired woman waved them over. “My good Benjamin, did you bring a straight boy to brunch, just for me?!”

“Pammy!” Benny leaned in and kissed her cheek. "Hate to disappoint ya darlin', but ain't nothing straight about this'n."

 “Hey, now! Can’t a guy speak for himself?!” Dean snipped defensively as he sat in the spot beside Benny.

Everyone laughed. Pamela raised her eyebrow in question.

Dean licked his lips and put on the smolder, “Sorry sweetheart, but I’m taken.”

“Wait, this--- THIS is your sassy mechanic?!” Crowley leaned forward, extending his hand, his English brogue gruff and pandering. “Nice to finally meet you, handsome.”

       Dean gave Benny the side eye and all Benny could do was shrug coyly. Dean shook the man’s hand, trying not to show his discomfort from his lingering glances. Benny made the rest of the introductions, Jesse and Cesar were also a couple, but had been married for a few years. They seemed to be waiting on someone before they ordered. The group sipped their cocktails with a fresh pitcher of Bloody Mary in the center of the kitsch tablecloth.

Benny poured Dean a generous portion of the red drink and slipped seamlessly into the conversation. Dean sucked the palmeto out of an olive and listened casually, not too sure where he fit in this part of Benny’s life.

Twenty minutes later a rail of a guy swaggered in, with oversized aviators and a black linen suit. 

“Oh, thank Christ for booze,” he huffed, grabbing Dean’s glass without even acknowledging Dean was there. The blonde chugged the entire drink, before breaking for air. “I just had the worst hook up of my life, no, well, the year at least. He took me to his mother’s house. She tried to make me breakfast. I was simply mortified. I just left. What could I even do at that point, honestly?!”

Now that his audience had his attention back, the man gawked at Dean. He even pulled down his sunglasses for a better look. “Now who the fuck is this? Is it show and tell?! Because I am not prepared in the least.” 

He casually patted at his hair and eyed Dean from top to toe. Benny chuckled, but Pamela was the one to make the introduction.

“Balthazar, our regular hangover diva. Meet Dean, Benny’s boy toy,” she deadpanned, eyes sparkling with mischief.

“Oh you can’t be serious,” Balthazar lamented, looking from Pam to Benny to Crowley and finally at Dean. “Fuck you southerners and your goddamn accents--- always gets the hotter ones,” he muttered defensively as he threw himself against the armrest of the chair, crossing his legs.

“Well, now that we’re all here,” Cesar ended the dramatics concisely. “Maybe somebody should find our waitress?”

Dean looked at Benny confused. “We’re always here for a while, she doesn’t bother us until we’re actually ready to order. Tend to annoy her otherwise.”

Crowley volunteered as he needed to head to the men’s room anyhow. Five minutes later he arrived with an obviously surly waitress.

“Well look what the cat dragged in,” Meg’s smokey voice broke through Balthazar's latest story. She centered herself between Cesar and Crowley’s seat and cocked her hip, tongue firmly in cheek as she waited for Dean to take her bait.

“Heya, Meg,” Dean sighed. The inevitable caught up with him after all, they just had to run into someone he knew.

“Oh, this has got to be good, now, pray tell, how do you two know each other?” Crowley probed.

“Oh me and this schmuck? We go way back.” Meg smiled without teeth.

“Is that so?” Benny tested the waters.

“Not like that,” Dean grumbled. “Meg, here, took my little brother Sammy out for a few spins, back in the day. Didn’t you, sweetheart?”

“Yeah, well, what can I say? It was high school.” Meg let her indifference coat her entire being until curiosity sparked to life in her eyes. “So what are you doing with this crowd, or did they bring you in just to add a new level of torture to my Sunday shifts?”

“Well---.” Dean swallowed, looked at Benny for clarification and got mild amusement instead. “I think you’re stuck with me now.”

“Joy,” Meg bristled before taking their orders, knowing most of the table’s usuals before they even opened their mouths.

News

    Benny rushed into the customer entrance of the shop, the wet October air had kept the service doors closed for the past week. He leaned against the counter, decorated in local business cards and charity fliers, anxiously waiting for someone to talk to. His chest was so tight he worried he’d pass out from excitement. He just needed to see him was all, once he saw Dean it would be easier.

    Lee sauntered in from the service bay, they both had drawn the short straw it seemed.

    “Hey, mind getting Dean for me? It’s important,” Benny asked, unable to keep the burning smile from his face.

    Lee eyed him curiously but nodded and headed back the way he came. He didn’t shout, not really. “Dean-o, your boyfriend’s looking for ya.”

    Dean unfurled himself from the engine he had been tinkering with all morning and glared at Lee.

    “Husband, whatever, seems urgent,” Lee acquiesced. Dean nodded and wiped his hands off on the closest rag. Dean pulled his wedding band out from his undershirt out of habit more than anything. He couldn’t wear it on his hands at work, but he didn’t want to lose it so Benny made him a braided leather necklace once they got back from their honeymoon.

    Dean ignored formality and walked straight into the waiting room. Once he saw the look on Benny’s face he knew what was happening.

    “It’s go time?” He asked, shock and exhilaration sparking his instinct to move.

    “It’s go time, cher. Lisa called me on the way to the hospital. Sam’s driving her from the office. Her water broke about 9:30,” Benny explained, the nervousness slipping into his cadence.

    “Alright, I’m gonna clean up, you want me to drive?” Dean asked, gauging the unsteadiness in his usually stalwart husband.

    “That’s probably best, yeah,” Benny agreed. 

Dean leaned in and kissed him firmly, resting his forehead against Benny’s temple before pulling away.“Hey, we got this, alright? That kid is gonna be so spoiled having you for a daddy, you know that?”

“Look who’s talking, gonna have you wrapped around their finger before they can even crawl,” Benny teased back, inhaling with contentment.

Dean headed back to warn his coworkers that he had a baby on the way and to clean up enough to be allowed into a hospital. Jo followed Dean out into the lobby. Quickly, she hugged Benny before demanding regular updates to the group chat.

“Alright, get out of here, we’ve got you covered for the rest of the week. Let me know and I will put in paternity leave as soon as everyone’s home, okay?” Jo got all professional about things as Dean left.

“Oh, right, shit. Well, I guess I’ll let you know when you can come over and---,” Dean started before Benny pulled him by his elbow.

“We should be goin’” Benny urged. Dean looked at Jo one last time and nodded.

This was it.

   Dean held Benny’s hand the whole way to the hospital, their grip tightening every so often, grounding them both. Because Lisa was a friend and the surrogacy was looser than most circumstances, both Benny and Dean were allowed in the delivery room. They were the best cheerleaders a birth mom could have ever asked for. Seven hours later, one chubby baby girl entered the world screaming to high heaven and splitting her fathers’ hearts open for an entirely new level of love and devotion.

    Mary Andrea Lafitte-Winchester, or Drea for short, was a happy and healthy little girl. And an overprotective big sister to her twin brothers, Samuel Joel and Robert Fergus, who came along four years later.

Sunset

    They’re old men now. Dean is five years retired, while Benny works the register for their sons on the weekends. Both of their hands aren’t what they used to be. But they keep busy. Drea is bringing the kids round tomorrow, it’s the start of summer break and Dean’s been dying to teach her kids to fish.  

    Dean went grey after he turned fifty, but it hasn’t changed since, in color at least. Benny’s beard is as white as Santa Claus and he hides what little hair he has left under a cap. They’re both a little rounder, a little lower to the ground, but they got that way together and neither of them notice it on one another anyhow.

       Every year they visit Jesse and Cesar in Arizona for New Year's. Though they fly more than make the drive these days.

        They still take turns cooking the meals and the movie nights from their early days resurfaced into movie afternoons when their kids moved out. Dean can’t hear for shit anymore and, naturally, Benny makes fun of him for it. But Dean’ll put in his hearing aids if company is over.

 It’s early evening in the beginning of June and the bugs are orchestrating quite the soundtrack to their time on the porch. Dean pours his whiskey. Benny’s already sipping his sweet tea, his medications don’t let him drink much anymore. Jo’ll come by on Sunday, along with SJ and his wife and Robbie. Sam and Jess usually make it to every other dinner or so.

    “Hey there, handsome. Mind if I join you?” Dean teases, once a flirt always a flirt.

    “Not at all, cher. It’s a helluva view,” Benny glances at his husband, watches Dean take in the peaches and pinks kissing the slopes of the fields. They sit like that for an hour, until the dark is too thick to see through. Groaning and creaking they stand in turn. Dean keeps his hand on the small of Benny’s back as they head inside for the night, steadying them both.

    They moved their bedroom to the ground floor after Dean’s heart attack, a lot less worry about making it upstairs that way. After being married forty years, Dean still makes jokes about it being Benny’s place. But it’s always been his home. He kisses Benny goodnight, makes it a little saucy because he can. He’s the first to close his eyes.

    In the morning Benny makes waffles and tofu bacon. Dean pretends he can’t taste the difference, fooling no one. They make out while the sink fills for the dishes, too few to run the machine. Benny gets handsy first and Dean tries to squirm into the upperhand. They’re interrupted by a car pulling in the drive.

    “Busted,” Benny whispers.

    “You’re the one who wanted kids,” Dean grumbles against Benny’s neck, an old, unfounded retort.

    “Yeah, but the grandkids---,” Benny starts.

    “Were made to be spoiled,” Dean finishes and kisses Benny once more. Drea’s yelling at her kids to slow down before her dads even make it outside to greet them. Her eyes, blue as her daddy’s are tired. They don’t envy her the school aged years. Dean bends down as baby Deanna, who’s nearly four, comes crashing into his arms. He pulls her up and holds her tight, reminds him of her mama and he can’t help but get a little weepy over the passing years. 

    “It’s so good to see you, baby girl.” Benny pulls his daughter into a hug before helping with their bags. The older kids don’t come inside until it’s time to eat, climbing through the barn and splashing in the creek until they’re soaked. But Deanna sticks with her Grandpa on a simple stroll, while Pappy and Mama catch up.

    Dean still has the jacket he bought from Benny, though the pants are long gone. He’ll leave it to Robbie when the time comes, when his son finds himself a stud that’s worth settling down for. If that’s what he chooses. 

    For now, Dean lets his granddaughter pick up every rock and stick she finds and examines it to the nth degree. He explains what he can about each one. She’s very curious. He even lets her wipe her chubby little hands on his pants’ leg when she needs to. They get back to the house just in time to start dinner, but before they go inside Dean takes a mental picture of his husband on the porch, their daughter beside him and his granddaughter running past him.

   It is a helluva view after all. 

Tell me what you think?

Series Masterlist

SPN Masterlist

Tagging: @flamencodiva​​​ @dolphincliffs​​​ @dontshootmespence​​​​ @fookinghelljensensthighs​​​​ @fangirlxwritesx67​​ @dawnie1988​​ @mrswhozeewhatsis​​​​ @cosicas-cuquis​​​​ @foxyjwls007​​ @tumbler-tidbits​​ @wingedcatninja​​​​ @defenderrosetyler​​​​ @ericaprice2008​  @crashdevlin​​​  @mylovelydame21 @cajunquandary​​ @itmighthavebeenintentional​ @thoughtslikeaminefield​ @there-must-be-a-lock​ @tatted-trina6 @lyarr24​

[rosieshipper]

A place to stay

Summary: After Rose and Ellie find out the truth of what happened with the fireflies, they both go their separate ways away from Joel

Dina was sitting alone in her living room watching a movie when she suddenly heard the sound of knocking at her front door. Pausing her movie, she slowly stood up and walked to the door. When she opened it, she saw her girlfriend, Rose, standing in the doorway. “Rose? What are you doing here so late? Shouldn’t you be back home?” She asked with concern when she saw her. But her concern only grew when she noticed Rose’s red puffy eyes and tear stains on her cheeks. “I know it’s late and I’m sorry for coming on such short notice but I need a place to stay. Home isn’t exactly where I want to be right now.” Rose explained as she wrapped her arms around her torso. “Of course, come on inside.” Dina told her as she opened the door further so that she could step inside

Rose muttered a quiet “Thanks” before walking inside. Dina ushered her into the living room and had her take a seat on the couch, fearing that she may pass out considering how pale she looked. “Is everything ok? You never come over unexpectedly like this.” She asked her softly as she rested her hands on Rose’s shoulders. Rose was quiet for a bit after that. She knew that she couldn’t explain the full extent of the situation to her because she had never told Dina about her immunity or her past with the fireflies. So eventually she let out a sigh and looked down at the ground. “It’s complicated Dina. But all you need to know is that me and Joel are no longer on speaking terms and I can’t stay in the same house as him anymore.” She explained with a deep frown

Dina frowned herself at that. She knew the situation was severe when Rose referred to Joel by his name rather than Dad. For as long as Dina knew her, Rose had always called Joel Dad. But now that she knew that Rose doesn’t even want to associate him as Dad anymore, she knew that Joel must have royally fucked up big time. With a sympathetic frown, Dina reached over and gently took Rose’s hand into her own. “Well, even though I don’t know the whole situation, I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this. But don’t worry, you can stay here as long as you need to.” She whispered to her before leaning up and kissing her cheek. Rose’s emotions began to overwhelm her once more and she found herself hugging Dina tightly as she buried her face in her shoulder and sobbed quietly

Dina didn’t say anything, she didn’t question anything. She just hugged Rose close and let her cry until she couldn’t anymore. After a few long minutes, Rose’s sobs eventually died down into quiet whimpers and she pulled away slowly. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be dumping all of this on you out of the blue.” She said with a sniff as she reached up and rubbed away her tears with a clenched fist. “Don’t apologize for anything babe. You have nothing to apologize for. You’re clearly in a lot of pain because of whatever happened between you and Joel. I want you to know that I’m here for you.” Dina explained as she gently rested her hand on her cheek, wiping away one last tear with her thumb

Rose eventually nodded in understanding and let out a shaky breath. “Thank you Dina. You’re always so kind to me.” She whispered quietly before giving her hand a light squeeze. “You’re my girlfriend, it’s my job to be nice.” Dina told her with a small smile before standing up from the couch. “Now you wait here. I’m sure you must be hungry so I’ll go get you a snack if you’d like.” She offered as she looked down at her girlfriend. Rose nodded slowly, feeling her stomach beginning to ache from the lack of food she ate today. “Alright, I’ll be right back.” Dina hummed before walking out of the room and into her kitchen

As Rose sat alone in the living room, her mind immediately drifted back to the events that took place earlier that day. She and her sister Ellie had taken off in the middle of the night, leaving Jackson on their horses. They had traveled all the way to Salt Lake City all night to find the hospital that used to be the fireflies base. Leading up to that night, the both of them had had their suspicions that what Joel had told them about the fireflies wasn’t actually true. So they were determined to find out what actually happened. Once they made it to the hospital, Ellie had found a recorder that belonged to one of the fireflies, explaining that there was no chance to make a vaccine for the virus now because the two immune girls were gone and the only person that could have made the vaccine is dead

By the next morning, Rose and Ellie were outside of the hospital. They were listening to the recording over and over until suddenly Joel had come riding up to them on his horse. Jumping off his horse as soon as he could, he rushed over to them and hugged them both close, telling them about how worried he was. Ellie and Rose both didn’t say anything, they just moved out of his embrace. They both wanted to say a thousand things to him but the words just wouldn’t come out. Until finally Ellie finally spoke out, telling Joel to tell them what exactly happened at that hospital and that if he lied again he would never see them again. Rose wasn’t saying anything, her emotions were too jumbled for her to talk. But nevertheless after a few moments of silence, Joel finally told them the truth after so many years

There weren’t dozens of other immune people. Rose and Ellie were the only ones. And the surgery that they both would have had to go through would have killed them both. Joel didn’t want to lose both of them, so he went in and killed nearly all of the fireflies, including the only person who was capable of making the vaccine. The big reveal had hit both the sisters like a truck and they both began to break down. Rose was in complete shock and disbelief while Ellie was kneeling down on the ground crying uncontrollably. Rose had her back to Joel and Ellie when she heard Ellie snap at Joel, telling him that they’ll go back to Jackson but after that they were done

Rose heard her grab her bag and leave to get to her horse, leaving her with Joel. Rose was shaking as she bit down on her finger. She felt Joel place a hand on her shoulder and jerked away, looking back at him with tears in her eyes. She looked at the man she saw as her father and only saw a stranger. “How could you?” She murmured to him before immediately walking past him and grabbing her bag as well. She couldn’t bear to look at him any longer out of fear of breaking down completely in front of him. She climbed on her horse and followed Ellie all the way back to Jackson, not daring to look back. By the time they arrived back home, it was nightfall. And after dropping her horse off at the stables she made her way to Dina’s house, leading her to where she was now

“Rose? Did you hear me?” The sound of Dina’s voice snapped her out of her daze and she looked over to see her girlfriend standing not too far from her with a bowl of fruit in her hand. “Oh sorry, I was just lost in thought. Sorry.” Rose murmured as she watched Dina take a seat beside her. “It’s ok. I made you some fruit salad. It’s not much but it should fill you up for the time being.” Dina explained as she handed her the bowl. She gladly took the bowl from her and began to eat, finally getting rid of the hunger that she had felt most of the day. Once she was finished, she placed the food bowl on the table in front of the couch. “Thank you Dina. I really appreciate it.” Rose hummed before leaning against her girlfriend. “You’re welcome hun.” She told her in response and kissed her forehead lovingly

For the rest of the evening, Rose stayed curled up to Dina’s side as the two of them watched old nature documentaries to help take Rose’s thoughts of the events of that day. She really appreciated all the help and comfort Dina was giving her, even though she knew that she would never know the full extent of the situation, it was still nice to know that she wouldn’t question what had happened and would always be there for her no matter what. At some point during the documentaries, Rose had fallen asleep against Dina and she took that as her sign to call it a night

Switching off the tv, Dina gently picked Rose up and carried her down the hall to her now shared bedroom and carefully laid her down on the mattress. She then crawled into bed with her and pulled the blankets over the both of them before cuddling up with her. She knew that Rose was gonna be in a lot of pain for a while, but she was gonna be there for her no matter what

Tags: @astralshipper @aricka-and-her-fictional-others @magicalbunbun @recordplayershipping @journalofdeath

[popculturebuffet]

Top 12 Christmas Episodes!

Merry Christmas Eve Everybody! We’ve reached the end of my christmas reivews and what not on this blog. 

But as a wise barrel chested canadian man once said, I fucking love christmas, So if i’m finishing up the holiday on my blog I want to go big and stay home. So in honor of the holiday, my memories of it and just how GREAT it makes me feel i’m counting down my top 12 christmas specials! After last year’s worst of list I really wanted to do the oppsiite.. but it was naturally a lot harder. Shows usually put a LOT of effort into their christmas outings, even the ones who do so once a year, so the good FAR FAR OUTWEIGHS THE BAD. To show the contrast I could only find like.. 8 I was comfortable with putting on the worst list and even some of them aren’t that bad just not good. With the best of list? I had over 60 considered and even once I started narrowing down.. it was still around 30 or 40 REALLY GOOD specials I had to work down into this list. It took a lot of work and up to the last one it was really HARD to cut it down this far. But this is the best of the best of the best of the best of the.. you get the bit. We’ve got a lot of ground to cover and this review was already supposed to come out on christmas eve, so, since I won’t be able to use this for another year...

Er. Top 12 Christmas Specials.

12. Merry Christmas Johnny Rose (Schitt’s Creek) So I finally watched all of Schitt’s Creek this year.. and i’m kicking myself for not powering through it’s terrible starting decent ending first season earlier because the show is easly one of the best comedies of the last decade and rightly earned it’s emmy sweep this year. Heartfelt, hilarious, and starring some of the best names old and new in comedy, the show is really great and I recommend checking it out.. just again be aware the first few episodes are not very good and if it wasn’t vital to the rest of the show story wise, i’d just recommend skippping season 1. While the characters minus patriach Johnny are insuferable at first... it’s their growing from self absorbed assholes to still self abosrbed but really good and decent people that is the beating heart of the show. And no where more is this heart on the show’s sleve than at christmas time as this episode is baked in just how far our cast have come.

The episode centers on Johnny Rose, played by Eugene Freaking Levy who co created the show with his equally talented son Dan who desrves the lion’s share of the credit for the show’s upturn in quality. Since the Roses used to have big lavish christmas parties once a year, Johnny decides to throw the equilvent of what they can do on a budget at the Motel they all live in. But his family all has other plans with daughter Alexis, now happily with Ted again, meeting his friends for the first time, son David, played by Dan Levy, busy at his store with his partner, in both senses, patrick and his wife Moira having a performance with her acapella group. At first it just comes off as something typical of johnny: Something well meaning and what not but ultimatley just not something his family is into or that he planend well for.

It’s only when Johnny finds himself alone at the local diner with Moira coming to see him we find out why he’s REALLY doing this: the old lavish parties, which we see one of at the start.. ultimately ended up with him alone, sad and everyone off to their own corners. WIth the family having actually come together over the past 4 seasons, Johny simply wanted to celebrate that and says such in one of the best moments in the entire show and with one hell of a line.

"I just thought, in spite of all the hardship, we found ourselves coming together, the kids, you and me, as a family. And it just seemed like the perfect day to celebrate that. The perfect day for a Rose Family Christmas Party." But Moira has already taken care of it and thus takes JOhnny home to find all their friends and the rest of the family gathered, wtih the Jazzagals serandading eveyrone with a beautiful rendition of silent night. It’s just a warm, well done character piece that really fits the holiday while also really cementing what the show had become: a show not afraid to make dirty jokes or humilatie it’s cast but one that has a true sweetness to it. It’s only that the first half’s jokes don’t quite pop all that well and feel a bit at johnny’s expense that holds it back. Otherwise this is one i’ll be coming back to every year.

11. Father of the Bob (Bob’s Burgers) Bob’s Burgers is a damn great show i’m season’s behind on. Warm, charming, weird and with an expansive side cast played by a whos who of whose in comedy today. It’s a damn fine show and i’m happy it seems to have manatained it’s quality long after the simpsons and family guy lost theirs. And the show really loves christmas.. and halloween.. and valentine’s day.. and thanksgiving. Oh god does it love thanksgiving. Point is, the shows good at holiday episodes and loves doin em and has produced some stellar ones and I had a lot to pick from here.. but I ended up going with my gut and my personal faviorite. It’s not the most christmasy despite the trappings, but the character work is just too good to leave it out in the cold.  It’s Christmas Eve and the Belcher’s are visiting Bob’s Dad. As you can tell by the fact the most we’ve seen of him is a picture of his restraunt, big bob’s diner in the belcher’s living room and a flashback where he told bob to work instead of play as a kid that set off an episode’s plot, they don’t have the best relationship. Bob has a firm rule about not spending more than 15 minutes with his dad, as that’s the point they run out of things to talk about and his dad starts getting overcrytical and making jabs at bob’s life and restraunt. Linda, being Linda, decides to meddle and when she finds out Big Bob’s short order cook is missing, has our Bob fill in.  But as we see in flash backs it’s not THAT easy to repair things, as there’s a long, bitter history between the two: When a youngbob made his first unique burger and served it to a customer, his dad threw it out without even letting anyone taste it. He then offered bob a partnership when bob was a young man but Bob snapped at Big Bob in front of his friends and left to make burgers his own way, leading to where we are now. And honestly i’ts the perfect origin story for Bob and adds a lot of shades to his character. He’s obessed with the restraunt not just because he genuinely loves cooking but because it’s HIS. His place, to create creative burgers, his family and his regulars. It’s his corner of the sky. It makes the restraunt’s existance and surivvial that much more heartwarming to know the meaning behind it.

Naturally things end up blowing up with Bob pointedly serving the burger to make a point and Big bob walking out angrily and sadly. It takes bob’s gift from the kids, who had their own neat subplot of making gifts for bob in the basement, a snowglobe wrapped in newspaper.. to find out hsi dad kept the newspaper with the review of his first restraunt and kept ALL reviews of Bob’s Burgers. Despite being a stone faced critical ass on the outside, Big BOb STILl cared.. and bob relizes he needs to make amends and actually make an effort instead of just avoiding his dad or gettin gback at him. And through the power of gay club next door line dancing, and nick offerman whose a wonderful guest star here, the two reconcile with Bob admitting he shouldn’t of humilatied his dad even if he had to go his own way, and Big Bob admitting he’s hard to work with, the loss of his wife hit him hard, and he was a bit too much. The two hug, and it’s genuinely just a good, well done story of father and son that somehow gives even more dimension to Bob, an already pretty damn fleshed out character. Just a really great episode whose holiday timing makes it better.. though not being AS much a holiday episode as a really good bob’s burgers that’s enhanced by it is why this one’s so low. Next!

10. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (MST3K) I”m honestly surpised i’ts taken me THIS long to get to something MST3K related. I’ve loved the show since high school, first exposed to it thanks to a dvd from the library and continuing from there to present day. I love the show’s combination of riff’s on perfectly cheesy movie and fun skits with really good puppets especially for the budget. It’s just good comfort food in show form and no where is comfort food more welcome than christmas, and each era of MST3K, so far hopefully the show will come back again eventually, has had i’ts own damn good christmas special, with this being my faviorite out of the three. 

The other two are good: ironically I have a poster for the santa claus over my computer, or rather crow and tom as santa and pitch aka satan respectively. Yes really, that’s the premise. IT is as awesome and batshit insane as it sounds. Point is I like that one and year without a santa claus, this one just has more personal warmth to me. I jus tlove the holiday feeling of joel and the bots readying for christmas in the host segments. It just feels like christmas and it’s wonderful to see the bots act like kids.  That being said.. it’s still also fucking hilaroius, with the mad’s hilariously petty wish squisher, a device that turns good gifts into socks and other unwanted presents, the best Crow T Robot quote of all time as he gives joel his santa wish

And of course, one of the best and most patently insane christmas songs ever: Have Yourself a Patrick Swayze christmas, which has become oddly sweet after his death and got me to watch road house for the first time last year... and it’s as awesome and wonderfully rediclous as this song inspiried by it and even better once you get the refrences

But while the host segments are what push this film into the list, the movie is still a delightful bit of 60′s cheese as, to restore their children to being children, a couple of martians kidnap santa to bring christmas to mars. Fights iwth robots, an asshole martian and an obnoxious sidekick named droppo, yes really, insue. IT’s just some fun cheese for the holiday and a staple of my holidays. 

9. The Three Wise Men (Letterkenny)  It’s no secret Letterkenny has quickly become one of my faviorite shows. After watching it last January, it’s become part of my being and one of my go too feel good shows, a funny as hell, uniquely weird slice of life show set in rural canada. While like it’s fellow recent legend of canadian television Schitt’s creek it’s first season CAN be a bit rough.. but it’s not as rough and getting through it is worht it as the show immiedatly picked up and became one of the funniest things to ever exist. It’s also uniquely tied to christmas as every year a season of the show has dropped on that day on it’s home streamer Crave TV in canada, and on boxing day here in the us. So it’s only fitting the show also has a REALLY great christmas special. 

It’s Christmas eve and our heroes the hicks, are having a christmas party. For the uniniated the hick’s aren’t really all that “hick” ish just hardworking farmers who still accept everybody and work damn hard. Leading man, terse talker and certified badass Wayne is suprisingly really into christmas, as he spent pretty much every holiday spouting out inacuracies about it but this day? He genuienly enjoys, even insiting on awful holiday drinks only and a midnight toast, the titular three wiseman (Canadian, irish and American Whiskeys, one shot of each). “It’s tradition”.  And thanks to tradition we get the main gag of the episode: most of the episode is wayne calling in various members of the town, most of whom he dosen’t like very much and some who deeply annoy him, to give them presents. And  while i’ve admitted to being a guy who dosen’t like a plot that basically repeats itslef.. it works here.. mostly because while the setup is the same, each member provides something new and hilarious: while it starts innocently enough with Bonnie Mcmurray, local fanservice, nice lady and fangirl of wayne, getting a camera and offering to be an elf, an offer wayne is forced to take up, it soon becomes a parade of weirdness and bullshit Wayne really dosen’t want to put up with and that really makes me laugh hard: Local loveable sex maniac and bar owner Gail goes on for a good minute about her sexual antics with Wayne’s beloved departed uncle eddie after Wayne gives him a picture of the guy, Glenn, another of wayn’es unwanted admirers and local pastor, obsesses over a christmas themed digeredoo, local druggies and emos the skids intitally refuse to open their gift out of prinicpal until wayne simply asks “What if theres drugs in it” (It’s insted vitamin d), the local hockey coach sings a hilarious and gloriously cringe song about having sex with his wife when they were alive and the hockey players make wayne uncomfortable both by crying a bit. Also tanis gets an apron. 

But even if the reactions horrify or piss off our hero into needing his elf’s help, the heart is in the fact that despite hating most of these people, he still got them a gift and one that’s hearfelt and well meaning. And naturally the sweetest is saved for his family of choice with the hicks: Squirrely Dan gets a pencil case for his oft talked about women’s studies class, Dary gets some clonge since he wears his barn clothes everywhere, and Katy gets an obscure korean christmas movie since her subplot that episode had been spent trying to get a christmas movie going, only for everyone to pick it apart: from the racisim of santa and co towards rudolph to pointing out how profoundly fucked up the premise of the santa claus is (including the fact various serial killers could’ve gotten the suit), which I agree with, it’s just a sweet gesture that shows how well he knows his friend. Overall it’s just a fun hangout of an episode that feels like a real christmas party and in these troubling times we could all use that. Now let’s all have a spit.

8. The Feast of Alvis (Sealab 2021) Another Christmas staple for me.. and a gloriously strange one at that. This time we’re checking under the sea with Sealab 2021, one of the earliest adult swim shows and the blueprint for the abriged series format, it took a dry hannah barbara show about an underwater research station and remixed it into the antics of a bunch of idiots and lunatatics throughuly unequipped for the task. Except Dr. Quinn, the only sane person aboard.. most of the time. It was comedy gold courtsey of Adam Reed, creator of the later Frisky Dingo, a throughly underated show, and Archer, which is like Frisky Dingo but refined into it’s truest and most sucessful form. It was magical and just talking about it makes me want to talk about it again at some point, probably in a best of list.  So naturally this madcap energy was perfect for the holidays. Originally the crew planned to use ACTUAL religions for this, but were forced by network to change it.. which ended up being one of those cases where the network ended up actually making the right call as the creators instead created thinly veiled substute for the various religions... and centered it around Alavanism, which is christianity.. but if christ was instead born in the us at some point, and instead of being a pacifist, was a drunken beligernt gun loving redneck who shot a guy in the face, has “vengance is mine” as one of his quotes (from said face shooting) and still had pomp and circumstance as part of his holiday.  Helping this though is our Alvian for the evening is Captain Murphy, the series best character and often the center of it’s best moments, played by the wonderful and sadly late Harry Goz, a half crazed half chidlish cloud cuckoolander who often comes off like a demanding child in an old man’s body. So naturally this holiday is for him and even more naturally he’s holding a massive alvis day cermeony that’s as batshit as he and his religion are in the main deck: he’s got buffalo, a buffet that’s deeply unsanitary, and a hallogen light mimickign the alvistide star that he wants to plop a baby under.  Naturally no one else is happy about this. Well Stormy, local hilarious dumbass, is as the only other alvian on board for this, and a general sucker for dumb shenanigans but he’s so plastared he’s even less coherent than usual and can mostly muster the desire to kick something’s ass or a weak “shut up” Most of all Quinn and his girlfriend debbie, who point out religious tolerance is a part of the sealab charter and that this kind of grotesuqe celebration really isn’t in season. I’ts also a nice dig at “War on Christmas Assholes”, long before that was as big a problem with Muprhy very much being the asshole and his cleebration rapidly crumbling. He also attempts to fire Sparks for being a wiccan stand in so yeah he deserves it. It’s all capped in Muprhy getting visted by a drunken halucination of his lord. All in all easily one of the best and most insane christmas specials ever put to film. If you have HBO Max watch it today or tommorow you will NOT regret it. 

7. Arnold’s Christmas (Hey Arnold)  A classic of my childhood, Hey Arnold is one of the best animated shows period. It’s something i’m not shy about saying, I bleivie I said it in my thanksgiving list and i’ll say it quite a bit. It’s not PERFECT, it has it’s flaws.. but it’s still damn good and the golden standard for slice of life shows. 

This episode naturally is one of it’s best and, while I didn’t catch as a kid the signifigance or what this was about, touches on of all things the vietnam war and the children who were helicoptered out. In a heart destroying story, Mr. Winn, one of Arnold’s boardinghousemates, reveals he has a daughter he has no idea where she is as to give her a better life, he made sure she got on one of those helicopters as an infant. While he was able to immigrate later, he never found her. Arnold being our own personal jesus, refuses to let this stand and goes out of his way to figure it out and goes on a quest that seemingly ends in failure. It falls on Helga to save the day as Helga actually gets what she wanted from her parents, a pair of nice boots, and gets the rare moment where they actually acknoledge her.. but loving arnold and seeing the noblility in his quest.. she gives it up. Just to make someone elses’ dream come true. He may never know who did it and tha’ts okay. An utterly heartwarming and heartbreaking episode. Nuff said. 

6. Santa Claus is Comin To Town  Speaking of classics this is how you do a santa origin story. Not the first or last i’d see, and we’ll get to one of those in a moment. While i’m not a huge fan of Rankin Bass’ other big hit with Rudolph, this one really hits the spot for me and is only this low because it’s pacing is really slow at points. Otherwise this special is near flawless, looks good and holds up today.  As I said this is a good Year One for santa establishing how he became immortal, how he met the elves, he was raised by them, how he started giving out toys, how he met mrs claus you know all the stuff you’d ask about.  To me what really sells it the best though is Mickey Rooney as Santa. While I had no idea who played him till literally writing this article in my mind his earnesness, kindness and genuine nature just.. fit the old elf to me even as a young man and everything from his humble beginings to his wanting to help children just out of kindness to his teaching an old man to dance to his romance just feels.. genuine and warm like christmas should. It just makes me feel good and like others on this list.. FEELS like christmas if that makes any sense. Not a lot else to say. Burger Meister Meisterburger isn’t the best vilian, but it was the early 70′s and we weren’t quite to diamond levels of complex interesting villians just yet so fair enough. Baiscally I don’t have a TON to say about this special in short, I may review it next year, we’ll see, but  it’s really good, really fun and sometimes simple just works I guess? Speaking of stop motion..

5. Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas (Community) I love a good sitcom. I haven’t shared that love enough on here, I should try and change that at some point, but I do, as a fourth of this list should make crystal clear. So while sadly some of my faviorites like Brooklyn Nine Nine, Parks and Rec and Roseanne didn’t make the cut, Community thankfully did. Community is a show that’s really damn good and had THREE awesome Christmas episodes. All three, all winners and all in contention for some time. Regional Holiday music just barely didn’t make the cut. But ultimately I went with the best of the best, the most creative, most character driven, and most intresting. And the one that in Community’s traditional style, decided to take a spin on an old genre.  In this case Abed, the study groups resident pop culture junkie, guy who thinks in tropes and future Huey Duck, is seeing everything in stop motion and may get thrown out of school as a result. With his friends deeply worried, they turn to Greendale’s local psychologist and british areshole Professor Duncan, played by my spirtual father John Oliver. ALL HAIL THIS MAN

Duncan takes the two into Abed’s fantasy and thus into a rankin bass special where Abed slowly weeds out his friends and tries to get rid of Duncan, whose naturally only intrested in proving a case. It’s a fun, chaotic ride including christmas pterodactyls, and the cast all in bizzare forms based on what Abed thinks of htem. it’s really damn creative and beauitfully animated at that.  Naturally like most of these what clinches it is the heart and soul. We find out towards the end WHy this happened: Abed’s mom is spending christmas with her new family instead of him and it’s broken him to not be able to watch specials like they do> Thus the group rally behind their friend, beat duncan in a wonderful christmas number and watch specials with their buddy, as the weird ass family some of whom have or will make out, they are. 

4. A Charlie Brown Christmas With my love of comic strips and sentiment, it should suprise absolutely no one this is on here. I love peanuts and have only grown to love it more over hte years for it’s mealancholy, finely constructed cast and weird bits people forget about like Snoopy’s disco phase, that really damn good arc where his house burned down, his brother stealing his fiance only to have her stolen from him, the fact Lucy threw Linus out once, that peppermint patty was once held back a grade and her snores took her place at her desk, the fact there was a character named 5, Charlie Brown and Linus’ friend roy who introduced peppermint patty to the cast, the fact a character named crybaby boobie exists, the fact there are specials devoted to a pastiche of call of the wild, a friend of linus’ getting cancer, and Flashbeagle. Just flashbeagle. 

It is glorious. And I really need to add that to my review queue.. maybe for late january. Seriously, tis glorious. And I OWN this one. So yeah. What were we talking about? Oh yes the special that made all the specials, especially flashbeagle, possible: A Charlie Brown Christmas This one has always been part of my life, but even beyond it’s signifigance to me, having grown up with it and grafted it to my soul, it’s just .. good. It has some good commentary on the consumrisim of the holiday with Charlie Brown rightly a bit upset about it and ending up roped into directing a christmas play. Great gags, and charlie brown trying to stick up for a scragly tree no one enlse likes insue. Oh and scripture as this is probably the only overtly religious special on the list. Not that ther’es anything wrong with not being religious and celebrating christmas: i’m not anymore but I still do and while I respect people who celebrate the holiday int he spirit of christ I have none for people who bash anyone who dosen’t just see it religiously and whose over zealous about it. Your just as bad as war on christmas people and you should feel bad.  But yeah overal it’s just an inconic special whose clunkyness in production and audio just adds some charm to it. It shows it’s age.. but only in the animation and production values, which is just.. charming. It’s message is timeless, it’s characterization is perfect as you’d expect from peanuts in it’s prime, and i’ts ending is truly heartmelting. If you’ve never seen this one.. just go do that. I can wait. 

3. How Santa Stole Christmas! (Ducktales)  I”ll be brief on this one as, since it only aired a few weeks ago, i’ve already done a full review on it. But I will justify why such a recent special is this high up: because it’s just that good. It may of JUST been aired, but it’s as good as anything else here and age dosen’t matter. Quality does. There will likely be future specials worth this list i’m sure but for this moment in time this one earns it. It has Santa perfectly charactrized and tells an utterly heartrending story of friendship that ends up ending simply because the two are moving in opposite directions and of Scrooge learning the meaning of christmas. Not thorugh the ghosts, they already brilliantly messed with that one. It’s just really fantastic, gets the christmas spriit perfectly and uses the characters just as flawlessly. I will defintely be watching this one every year. Just a warm, creative, funny as hell special. 

2. Comfort and Joy (Justice League) Speaking of reviews I held off reviews of my final two so I could save more thoughts here. I probably still will review them eventually, especially this one, I just felt i’d be repeating myself or have to be brief like the last one. But yeah this one slaps. The Justice League cartoon is easily one of the best superhero cartoons, if not superhero properties, period. Taking the base already built in from the previous three dcau cartoons, this one builds out the world and expands it , and introduced a young me to my lifelong loves of Martian Manhunter, The Flash and especailly the green lanterns with John Stewarts badass reciting of the oath easily etched in my brain. The only reason he isn’t my faviorite lantern is because mogo exists.. aka the lantern that is a living planet. 

You can see why. But yeah Jon stuck in my mind. So it’s probably no suprise that the christmas special heavily featuring all three. It’s Christmas Time and after the league stops it’s usual disaster, they head off for their usual holiday activities. Batman and Wonder Woman are missing, but it’s fine. While I love both, especailly DCAU Batman, the episode is probably better off not trying to shove them in there just for the sake of it. One of the show’s greatest strength’s was character ballance, not forcing EVERY member of the big 7 into every episode and just using whose needed and shuffling them in and out FAR BETTER than say, Ducktales. Point is this, much like being loved by anyone, was not unusual and it makes the episode tighter. Even more so since this is the ONLY half hour episode in the first two seasons, the rest are basically hour long episodes split into two parters, though still paced for being two episodes so it’s good.. and three movie length three parters for the premire, and the season finales. Fun Fact: As a kid I missed starcrossed and thus had to find out second hand, and barely at that, why hawkgirl was gone at the start of unlimited. I still have not seen it. I will correct this eventually. It was a diffrent time. 

So yeah this episode not only has a main character cast of 6, with 3 other major supporting characters, but is handily split into three amazing plot lines. The first has Green Lantern try to teach Hawkgirl how to have christmas fun by playing on a snowy world, while Hawkgirl takes him to a bar to show how she celebrates.. i.e. getting hammered and starting a fight. Nanananana, she’s gonna start a fight. It’s a fun really sweet segment, and some nice ship tease between the two.  The other two though are what make this special.. not that the first one is bad these two are just really inspiried for the characters involved: For the Flash, who in this series is both Wally and a bit of a smug quipster.. we see beneath the ego and flirting he’s really a sweet, caring guy and spends his christmas finding a toy for the orphans in this case a rapping duck. 

Not QUITE as embarassing btu close. He runs into the Ultra Humanite whose destroying the toys because he hates the comercialism and how it dumbs things down for the kids. Have I mentioned that I love the Ultra Humanite? Because I do.. the animated version. The comics version is REALLY fucking creepy but this version? He’s fucking great, an intellectual whose a formidable threat.. and honestly sympathetic. His motive here, while misguided, is well meaning and his price for selling out the injustice gang and going back to jail quitely? one of the best gags in human history. Getting PBS to say “This program was supported by viewers like you.. and the ultra humanite” He’s just awesome and i’ts a shame he never returned for unlimited. His comic version, while not BAD is just.. not NEARLY as intresting or deep and I wish the comics would have him take after this version.  And that depth shows as once he learns what was going on, he willingly helps flash and simply reprograms the duck to recite the nutcracker. It’s a really nice gesture, that flash returns by giving his foe a christmas tree. Really good stuff.  And I saved the best for last. Heading home for the holidays, Clark takes Jonn with him since otherwise he’d be stuck at the watchtower and batman was apparnetly “Begging” for duty. Granted one wonders what his surrogate dad and adopted sons think but odds are alfred would just drag them up there anyway no mater how much Dick protested. And of course Alfred has watchtower clearance, he’s alfred: he’s the only one besides Diana looking out for bruce.. and no I don’t buy the bullshit from the batman beyond comics that never happened. And Clark too, this is true... but it takes a village to get bruce to go the fuck to sleep and most of that villiage is alfred. And if your wondering “wait won’t he be in danger”... the only thing that can kill this man is apparently bane. He’s survivied earthquakes, poisonings, turning into a supervillian via radaition induced crazies, yes really, apparently dying leading to the supervillian thing, being stabbed, being shot at, having to help raise damien... my point is the guy’s been through a lot in comics, I doubt the dcau version is any less resilent and god damn I miss this old man. Salute alfred, salute.  Where was I oh yeah, Clark insists on taking John home. And it’s stuff like this why I freaking love superman. Many dismiss him as corny, unrelaistic or boring.. all untrue. Sure he’s a boyscout, but he’s meant ot resprsent the best in mankind, what we can truly be powers or no, what we can achieve and the kind of moral, kind person we can be. He’s an inspiration for us all. And this kind of act is what shows that: his response to one of his friends having nowhere to go on christmas and not having been around the holiday? Take him to his house to share in the warmth and love.  And Clark’s parents here show WHY he’s the hero he is and why I freaking love them in all flavors.. except Zack Snyder flavor and even then tha’ts only for Pa “Letting people die is the right thing to do now i’m going to throw myself into a tornado to prove that” kent. But it’s christmas so i’m not here to bitch about zack snyder and if you want that in full, you can pay for it.  My point is they show, as they should how he became the moral paragon he is: they meet a man from mars, who they’ve never met and their son just invited.. and welcmoe him without a thought. While this isnt’ their first alien obviously, and they say so, it’s still really sweet they just warmly welcome the man in and give him their surrogate daughter/their sons’ biological cousin’s room while sh’es away. Oh Kara’s away conveniently skiing with barbra. Also she lives with them in this continuity. Also maybe that’s where dick is. I dunno, but I hope so. Dickbabs for life.. depending on the continuity. I”m still dick and star for life in the titans cartoon.  Point is we get nice of sweet, and hilaroius, holiday stuff: Jonn is suprised to see this side of clark: while he’s always warm and inviting as Clark.. he can also be relaxed, enjoy the holiday and get real spirited. For one day he dosen’t have to be superman. He can just be clark. Evne superman can take a day off.. and he’s superman, he desrves one. Let Bruce and Diana take care of it after they finish marathon sex and Diana finshes with Cheetaah and Maxwell lord.  But yeah as I was saying hilarious as we find out clark used to peak and they had to, and still do, line it with lead foil to make sure he can’t peak, and Martha gives John a sweater, saying his company is all they need for a gift and when it’s a bit big he charmingly grows into it. Jonn also walks among the humans a bit and we get a great little bit of him sneaking down a chimney after hearing the thorughts of a girl whose worried santa isn’t real. It’s just all great stuff that cumilates in Jonn joyfully singing a song in his native tounge while stroking Kara’s cat Streaky.. who sadly does not have a cape or super powers in this universe. Yet. Just a really good superhero story, a damn fine christmas story and one of the best episodes of a stellar show that thankfully is still remembered in this new age of heroes. 

1. It’s Christmas You Dorks (Harvey Beaks) Yup not probably a lot of people’s first choice but fuck it. I’ve loved this one since i saw it a few years ago shorlty after the series ended, having grown far behind and caught up just as it was ending... and regretted it as Harvey Beaks is easily one of my faviorite shows from the wall to wall hit parade that was the 2010′s. It’s charming, hilaroius, heartfelt, and creative.. and really weird if not as weird as CH Greenblaht’s previous show chowder.. but still weird enough.Thankfully Big City Greens is carying the banner for this kind of show, as is Craig of the Creek, so the kind of gentle, slice of life stuff hasn’t gone away, but this show was still it’s own thing and i’m sad it’s gone.  But while it was here it was spectacular and this is one of the best of em if not the best. And naturally for a show like this it has a neat approach: The episode is dialouge free, only having some singing in the last act and that’s diagetic, the characters singing a christmas song. We’ll get to that. This isn’t the FIRST silent christmas special i’ve seen, Courage the Cowardly dog did it’s own take on the nutcracker, but it’s still the best. And given Courage the Cowardly Dog is one of my faviorite shows, that’s high praise. Each segment is charming, unique, and well done. 

As for what each are: The wraparound is a gorgeously animated bit of stop motion or something like it where the spirit of winter goes around and turns fall to winter or helps the kid with winter fun. It’s a bunch of really adorable stuff. The first proper one is the kids having a snowball fight when a bunch of asshole adults interupt, and hte kids end up getting even by hiding in some snowmen. Again just some really fun, really well done stuff.  But the first one that really makes it follows Technobear, local wannabe ladies man in training who has a crush on Harvey’s mom and fantasies about giving her some lovely read shoes and skating with her. His hopes are dashed when instead her daughter michelle, the horrifing baby child pictured above, takes them instead. But not only is it heartwarming to see the stone faced future rule of the world crack a smile, Techno instnatly realizes whats’ improtant and takes the bby ice skating.  The next segment is just some goofy googus with the squirrels, the local crooks who are also squirreels, but it’s still pretty good. We then get Jeremy trying to be santa which is both funny but genuinely heartwarming and finally the best bit as Dade, local killjoy, gets annoyed at everyone singing a popular new christmas song instead of the old standard he likes and being a dick about it before softening a bit when Harvey genuinely offers him camradere. It’s just.. good stuff that’s hard to put into words, and given putting it into words is my thing, it really speaks to just hwo good this special is. it just, makes me feel nice, and really gets the spirit of the holiday in all it’s forms. It’s gorgeously aniamted, well paced, and never stops being entertaining and that’s why it’s both my faviorite and why every year.. i’ll be coming back to little bark. And if nothing else.. it’ll keep this warm, great show alive in my heart.  So with that I end this list. If you didn’t like it tha’ts fine, this is my opinon. But I wanted to share my faviorites with you and hope you’ll check them out this or next chirstmas. Until we meet again... Merry Christmas to all,and to all a good night.