#by giving madeleine this choice because they were expecting her to take it. but she chose her :( they chose each other

[fascinationstreetmp3]

I've been a third all my life. Not saying that to fight, just saying that it's true. I feel like I get to pick one thing for myself, and it's her.

INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE | 2.06 + 2.07

[letterboxd]

Careful How You Go.

Ella Kemp explores how film lovers can protect themselves from distressing subject matter while celebrating cinema at its most audacious.

Featuring Empire magazine editor Terri White, Test Pattern filmmaker Shatara Michelle Ford, writer and critic Jourdain Searles, publicist Courtney Mayhew, and curator, activist and producer Mia Bays of the Birds’ Eye View collective.

This story contains discussion of rape, sexual assault, abuse, self-harm, trauma and loss of life, as well as spoilers for ‘Promising Young Woman’ and ‘A Star is Born’.

We film lovers are blessed with a medium capable of excavating real-life emotion from something seemingly fictional. Yet, for all that film is—in the oft-quoted words of Roger Ebert—an “empathy machine”, it’s also capable of deeply hurting its audience when not wielded by its makers and promoters with appropriate care. Or, for that matter, when not approached by viewers with informed caution.

Whose job is it to let us know that we might be upset by what we see? With the coronavirus pandemic decimating the communal movie-going experience, the way we accommodate each viewer’s sensibilities is more crucial than ever—especially when so many of us are watching alone, at home, often unsupported.

In order to understand how we can champion a film’s content and take care of its audience, I approached women in several areas of the movie ecosystem. I wanted to know: how does a filmmaker approach the filming of a rape and its aftermath? How does a magazine editor navigate the celebration of a potentially triggering movie in one of the world’s biggest film publications? How does a freelance writer speak to her professional interests while preserving her personal integrity? How does a women’s film collective create a safe environment for an audience to process such a film? And, how does a publicist prepare journalists for careful reporting, when their job is to get eyeballs on screens in order to keep our favorite art form afloat?

The conversations reminded me that the answers are endlessly complex. The concerns over spoilers, the effectiveness of trigger warnings, the myriad ways in which art is crafted from trauma, and the fundamental question of whose stories these are to tell. These questions were valid decades ago, they will be for decades to come, and they feel especially urgent now, since a number of recent tales helmed by female and non-binary filmmakers depict violence and trauma involving women’s bodies in fearless, often challenging ways.

Emerald Fennell’s Promising Young Woman, in particular, has revived a vital conversation about content consideration, as victims and survivors of sexual assault record wildly different reactions to its astounding ending. Shatara Michelle Ford’s quietly tense debut, Test Pattern, brings Black survivors into the conversation. And the visceral, anti-wish-fulfillment horror Violation, coming soon from Dusty Mancinelli and Madeleine Sims-Fewer, takes the rape-revenge genre up another notch.

These films come off the back of other recent survivor stories, such as Michaela Coel’s groundbreaking series I May Destroy You (which centers women’s friendship in a narrative move that, as Sarah Williams has eloquently outlined, happens too rarely in this field). Also: Kata Wéber and Kornél Mundruczó’s Pieces of a Woman, and the ongoing ugh-ness of The Handmaid’s Tale. And though this article is focused on plots centering women’s trauma, I acknowledge the myriad of stories that can be triggering in many ways for all manner of viewers. So whether you’ve watched one of these titles, or others like them, I hope you felt supported in the conversations to follow, and that you feel seen.

Weruche Opia and Michaela Coel in ‘I May Destroy You’.

* * *

Simply put, Promising Young Woman is a movie about a woman seeking revenge against predatory men. Except nothing about it is simple. Revenge movies have existed for aeons, and we’ve rooted for many promising young (mostly white) women before Carey Mulligan’s Cassie (recently: Jen in Coralie Fargeat’s Revenge, Noelle in Natalia Leite’s M.F.A.). But in Promising Young Woman, the victim is not alive to seek revenge, so it becomes Cassie’s single-minded crusade. Mercifully, we never see the gang-rape that sparks Cassie’s mission. But we do see a daring, fatal subversion of the notion of a happy ending—and this is what has audiences of Emerald Fennell’s jaw-dropping debut divided.

“For me, being a survivor, the point is to survive,” Jourdain Searles tells me. The New York-based critic, screenwriter, comedian—and host of Netflix’s new Black Film School series—says the presence of death in Promising Young Woman is the problem. “One of the first times I spoke openly about [my assault], I made the decision that I didn’t want to go to the police, and I got a lot of judgment for that,” she says. “So watching Promising Young Woman and seeing the police as the endgame is something I’ve always disagreed with. I left thinking, ‘How is this going to help?’”

“I feel like I’ve got two hats on,” says Terri White, the London-based editor-in chief of Empire magazine, and the author of a recently published memoir, Coming Undone. “One of which is me creating a magazine for a specific film-loving audience, and the other bit of me, which has written a book about trauma, specifically about violence perpetrated against the body. They’re not entirely siloed, but they are two distinct perspectives.”

White loved both Promising Young Woman and I May Destroy You, because they “explode the myth of resolution and redemption”. She calls the ending of Promising Young Woman “radical” in the way it speaks to the reality of what happens to so many women. “I was thinking about me and women like me, women who have endured violence and injury or trauma. Three women every week are still killed [in the UK] at the hands of an ex-partner, or somebody they know intimately, or a current partner. Statistically, any woman who goes for some kind of physical confrontation in [the way Cassie does] would end up dying.”

She adds: “I felt like the film was in service to both victims and survivors, and I use the word ‘victims’ deliberately. I call myself a victim because I think if you’ve endured either sexual violence or physical violence or both, a lot of empowering language, as far as I’m concerned, doesn’t reflect the reality of being a victim or a survivor, whichever way you choose to call yourself.” This point has been one many have disagreed on. In a way, that makes sense—no victim or survivor can be expected to speak to anyone else’s experience but their own.

Carey Mulligan and Emerald Fennell on the set of ‘Promising Young Woman’.

Likewise, there is no right or wrong way to feel about this film, or any film. But a question that arises is, well, should everyone have to see a film to figure that out? And should victims and survivors of sexual violence watch this film? “I have definitely been picky about who I’ve recommended it to,” Courtney Mayhew says. “I don’t want to put a friend in harm’s way, even if that means they miss out on something awesome. It’s not worth it.”

Mayhew is a New Zealand-based international film publicist, and because of her country’s success in controlling Covid 19, she is one of the rare people able to experience Promising Young Woman in a sold-out cinema. “It was palpable. Everyone was so engaged and almost leaning forwards. There were a lot of laughs from women, but it was also a really challenging setting. A lot of people looking down, looking away, and there was a girl who was crying uncontrollably at the end.”

“Material can be very triggering,” White agrees. “It depends where people are personally in their journey. When I still had a lot of trauma I hadn’t worked through in my 20s, I found certain things very difficult to watch. Those things are a reality—but people can make their own decisions about the material they feel able to watch.”

It’s about warning, and preparation, more than total deprivation, then? “I believe in giving people information so they can make the best choice for themselves,” White says. “But I find it quite reductive, and infantilizing in some respects, to be told broadly, ‘Women who have experienced x shouldn’t watch this.’ That underestimates the resilience of some people, the thirst for more information and knowledge.” (This point is clearly made in this meticulous, awe-inspiring list by Jenn, who is on a journey to make sense of her trauma through analysis of rape-revenge films.) But clarity is crucial, particularly for those grappling with unresolved issues.

Searles agrees Promising Young Woman can be a difficult, even unpleasant watch, but still one with value. “As a survivor it did not make me feel good, but it gave me a window into the way other people might respond to your assault. A lot of the time [my friends] have reacted in ways I don’t understand, and the movie feels like it’s trying to make sense of an assault from the outside, and the complicated feelings a friend might have.”

Molly Parker and Vanessa Kirby in ‘Pieces of a Woman’.

* * *

A newborn dies. A character is brutally violated. A population is tortured. To be human is to bear witness to history, but it’s still painful when that history is yours, or something very close to it. “Some things are hard to watch because you relate to them,” Searles explains. “I find mother! hard to watch, and there’s no actual sexual assault. But I just think of sexual assault and trauma and domestic abuse, even though the film isn’t about that. The thing is, you could read an academic paper on patriarchy—you don’t need to watch it on a show [or in a film] if you don’t want to.”

White agrees: “I’ve never been able to watch Nil by Mouth, because I grew up in a house of domestic violence and I find physical violence against women on screen very hard to watch. But that doesn’t mean I think the film shouldn’t be shown—it should still exist, I’ve just made the choice not to watch it.” (Reader, since our conversation, she watched it. At 2:00am.)

“I know people who do not watch Promising Young Woman or The Handmaid’s Tale because they work for an NGO in which they see those things literally in front of their eyes,” Mayhew says. “It could be helpful for someone who isn’t aware [of those issues], but then what is the purpose of art? To educate? To entertain? For escapism? It’s probably all of those.”

Importantly, how much weight should an artist’s shoulders carry, when it comes to considering the audiences that will see their work? There’s a general agreement among my interviewees that, as White says, “filmmakers have to make the art that they believe in”. I don’t think any film lover would disagree, but, suggests Searles, “these films should be made with survivors in mind. That doesn’t mean they always have to be sensitive and sad and declawed. But there is a way to be provocative, while leaning into an emotional truth.”

Madeleine Sims-Fewer in ‘Violation’.

Violation, about which I’ll say little here since it is yet to screen at SXSW (ahead of its March 25 release on Shudder) is not at all declawed, and is certainly made with survivors in mind—in the sense that in life, unlike in movies, catharsis is very seldom possible no matter how far you go to find it. On Letterboxd, many of those who saw Violation at TIFF and Sundance speak of feeling represented by the rape-revenge plot, writing: “One of the most intentionally thought out and respectful of the genre… made by survivors for survivors” and “I feel seen and held”. (Also: “This movie is extremely hard to watch, completely on purpose.”)

“Art can do great service to people,” agrees White, “If, by consequence, there is great service for people who have been in that position, that’s a brilliant consequence. But I don’t believe filmmakers and artists should be told that they are responsible for certain things. There’s a line of responsibility in terms of being irresponsible, especially if your community is young, or traumatised.”

Her words call to mind Bradley Cooper’s reboot of A Star is Born, which many cinephiles knew to be a remake and therefore expected its plot twist, but young filmgoers, drawn by the presence of Lady Gaga, were shocked (and in some cases triggered) by a suicide scene. When it was released, Letterboxd saw many anguished reviews from younger members. In New Zealand, an explicit warning was added to the film’s classification by the country’s chief censor (who also created an entirely new ‘RP18’ classification for the Netflix series 13 Reasons Why, which eventually had a graphic suicide scene edited out two years after first landing on the streaming service).

“There is a duty of care to audiences, and there is also a duty of care to artists and filmmakers,” says Mayhew. “There’s got to be some way of meeting in the middle.” The middle, perhaps, can be identified by the filmmaker’s objective. “It’s about feeling safe in the material,” says Mia Bays of the Birds’ Eye View film collective, which curates and markets films by women in order to effect industry change. “With material like this, it’s beholden on creatives to interrogate their own intentions.”

Filmmaker Shatara Michelle Ford is “forever interrogating” ideas of power. Their debut feature, Test Pattern, deftly examines the power differentials that inform the foundations of consent. “As an artist, human, and person who has experienced all sorts of boundary violation, assault and exploitation in their life, I spend quite a lot of time thinking about power… It is something I grapple with in my personal life, and when I arrive in any workplace, including a film set.”

In her review of Test Pattern for The Hollywood Reporter, Searles writes, “This is not a movie about sexual assault as an abstract concept; it’s a movie about the reality of a sexual assault survivor’s experience.” Crucially, in a history of films that deal largely with white women’s experiences, Test Pattern “is one of the few sexual-assault stories to center a Black woman, with her Blackness being central to her experience and the way she is treated by the people around her.”

Brittany S. Hall in ‘Test Pattern’.

* * *

Test Pattern follows the unfolding power imbalance between Renesha (Brittany S. Hall) and her devoted white boyfriend Evan (Will Brill), as he drives her from hospital to hospital in search of a rape kit, after her drink was spiked by a white man in a bar who then raped her. Where Promising Young Woman is a millennial-pink revenge fantasy of Insta-worthy proportions, Test Pattern feels all too real, and the cops don’t come off as well as they do in the former.

Ford does something very important for the audience: they begin the film just as the rape is about to occur. We do not see it at this point (we do not really ever see it), but we know that it happened, so there’s no chance that, somewhere deeper into the story, when we’re much more invested, we’ll be side-swiped by a sudden onslaught of sexual violence. In a way, it creates a safe space for our journey with Renesha.

It’s one of many thoughtful decisions made by Ford throughout the production process. “I’m in direct conversation with film and television that chooses to depict violence against women so casually,” Ford tells me. “I intentionally showed as little of Renesha’s rape as humanly possible. I also had an incredibly hard time being physically present for that scene, I should add. What I did shoot was ultimately guided by Renesha’s experience of it. Shoot only what she would remember. Show only what she would have been aware of.

“But I also made it clear that this was a violation of her autonomy, by allowing moments where we have an arm’s length point of view. I let the camera sit with the audience, as I’m also saying, as the filmmaker, this happened, and you saw enough of it to know. This, for me, is a larger commentary on how we treat victims of assault and rape. I do not believe for one goddamn minute that we need to see the actual, literal violence to know what happened. When we flagrantly replicate the violence in film and television, we are supporting the cultural norm of needing ‘all of the evidence’—whatever that means—to ‘believe women’.”

Ford’s intentional work in crafting the romance and unraveling of Test Pattern’s leading couple pays off on screen, but their stamp as an invested and careful director also shows in their work with Drew Fuller, the actor who played Mike, the rapist. “It’s a very difficult role, and I’m grateful to him for taking it so seriously. When discussing and rendering the practice and non-practice of consent intentionally, I found it helpful to give it a clear definition and provide conceptual insight.

“I sent Drew a few articles that I used as tools to create a baseline understanding when it comes to exploring consent and power on screen. At the top of that list was Lili Loofbourow’s piece, The female price of male pleasure and Zhana Vrangalova's Teen Vogue piece, Everything You Need to Know about Consent that You Never Learned in Sex Ed. The latter in my opinion is the linchpin. There’s also Jude Elison Sady Doyle’s piece about the whole Aziz Ansari thing, which is a great primer.”

Sidney Flanigan in ‘Never Rarely Sometimes Always’.

Even when a filmmaker has given Ford’s level of care and attention to their project, what happens when the business end of the industry gets involved in the art? As we well know, marketing is a film’s window dressing. It has one job: to get eyeballs into the cinema. It can’t know if every viewer should feel safe to enter.

It would be useful, with certain material, to know how we should watch, and with whom, and what might we need in the way of support coming out. Whose job is it to provide this? Beyond the crude tool of an MPAA rating (and that’s a whole sorry tale for another day), there are many creative precautions that can be taken across the industry to safeguard a filmgoer’s experience.

Mayhew, who often sees films at the earliest stages (sometimes before a final cut, sometimes immediately after), speaks to journalists in early screenings and ensures they have the tools to safely report on the topics raised. In New Zealand, reporters are encouraged to read through resources to help them guide their work. Mayhew’s teams would also ensure journalists would be given relevant hotline numbers, and would ask media outlets to include them in published stories.

“It’s not saying, ‘You have to do this’,” she explains, “It’s about first of all not knowing what the journalist has been through themselves, and second of all, [if] they are entertainment reporters who haven’t navigated speaking about sexual assault, you only hope it will be helpful going forward. It’s certainly not done to infantilize them, because they’re smart people. It’s a way to show some care and support.”

The idea of having appropriate resources to make people feel safe and encourage them to make their own decisions is a priority for Bays and Birds’ Eye View, as well. The London-based creative producer and cultural activist stresses the importance of sharing such a viewing experience. “It’s the job of cinemas, distributors and festivals to realize that it might not be something the filmmaker does, but as the people in control of the environment it’s our job to give extra resources to those who want it,” says Bays. “To give people a safe space to come down from the experience.”

Pre-pandemic, when Birds’ Eye View screened Kitty Green’s The Assistant, a sharp condemnation of workplace micro-aggressions seen through the eyes of one female assistant, they invited women who had worked for Harvey Weinstein. For a discussion after Eliza Hittman’s coming-of-ager Never Rarely Sometimes Always, abortion experts were able to share their knowledge. “It’s about making sure the audience knows you can say anything here, but that it’s safe,” Bays explains. “It’s kind of like group therapy—you don’t know people, so you’re not beholden to what they think about you. And in the cinema people aren’t looking at you. You’re speaking somewhat anonymously, so a lot of really important stuff can come out.”

The traditional movie-going experience, involving friends, crowds and cathartic, let-loose feelings, is still largely inaccessible at the time of writing. Over the past twelve months we’ve talked plenty about preserving the magic of the big screen experience, but it’s about so much more than the romanticism of an art form; it’s also about the safety that comes from a feeling of community when watching potentially upsetting movies.

“The going in and coming out parts of watching a film in the cinema are massively important, because it’s like coming out of the airlock and coming back to reality,” says Bays. “You can’t do that at home. Difficult material kind of stays with you.” During the pandemic, Birds’ Eye View has continued to provide the same wrap-around curatorial support for at-home viewers as they would at an in-person event. “If we’re picking a difficult film and asking people to watch it at home, we might suggest you watch it with a friend so you can speak about it afterwards,” Bays says.

Julia Garner in ‘The Assistant’.

But, then, how can we still find this sense of community without the physical closeness? “It’s no good waiting for [the internet] to become kind,” she says. “Create your own closed spaces. We do workshops and conversations exclusively for people who sign up to our newsletter. In real-life meetings you can go from hating something to hearing an eloquent presentation of another perspective and coming round to it, but you need the time and space to do that. This little amount of time gives you a move towards healing, even if it’s just licking some wounds that were opened on Twitter. But it could be much deeper, like being a survivor and feeling very conflicted about the film, which I do.”

Conflict is something that Searles, the film critic, knows about all too well in her work. “Since I started writing professionally, I almost feel like I’m known for writing about assault and rape at this point. I do write about it a lot, and as a survivor I continue to process it. I’ve been assaulted more than once so I have a lot to process, and so each time I’m writing about it I’m thinking about different aspects and remnants of those feelings. It can be very cathartic, but it’s a double-edged sword because sometimes I feel like I have an obligation to write about it too.”

There is also a constant act of self-preservation that comes with putting so much of yourself on the internet. “I often get messages from people thanking me for talking about these subjects with a deep understanding of what they mean,” Searles says. “I really appreciate that. I get negative messages about a lot of things, but not this one thing.”

Michaela Coel in ‘I May Destroy You’.

* * *

With such thoughtful approaches to heavy content, it feels like we’re a long way further down the road from blunt tools like content and trigger warnings. But do they still have their place? “It’s just never seemed appropriate to put trigger warnings on any of our reviews or features,” White explains. “We have a heavy male readership, still 70 percent male to 30 percent female. I’m conscious we’re talking to a lot of men who will often have experienced violence themselves, but we don’t put any warnings, because we are an adult magazine, and when we talk about violence in, say, an action film, or violence that is very heavily between men, we don’t caveat that at all.”

Bays, too, is sceptical of trigger warnings, explaining that “there’s not much evidence [they] actually work. A lot of psychologists expound on the fact that if people get stuck in their trauma, you can never really recover from PTSD if you don’t at some point face your trauma.” She adds: “I’m a survivor, and I found I May Destroy You deeply, profoundly triggering, but also cathartic. I think it’s more about how you talk about the work, rather than having a ‘NB: survivors of sexual abuse or assault shouldn’t see this’.”

“It’s important to give people a feel of what they’re in for,” argues Searles. “A lot of people who have dealt with suicide ideation would prefer that warning.” While some worry that a content warning is effectively a plot spoiler, Searles disagrees. “I don’t consider a content warning a spoiler. I just couldn’t imagine sitting down for a film, knowing there’s going to be a suicide, and letting it distract me from the film.” Still, she acknowledges the nuance. “I think using ‘self-harm’ might be better than just saying ‘suicide’.”

Mayhew shared insights on who actually decides which films on which platforms are preceded with warnings—turns out, it’s a bit messy. “The onus traditionally has fallen on governmental censorship when it comes to theatrical releases,” she explains. “But streamers can do what they want, they are not bound by those rules so they have to—as the distributors and broadcasters—take the government’s censors on board in terms of how they are going to navigate it.

“The consumer doesn’t know the difference,” she continues, “nor should they—so it means they can be watching The Crown on Netflix and get this trigger warning about bulimia, and go to the cinema the next day and not get it, and feel angry about it. So there’s the question of where is the responsibility of the distributor, and where is the responsibility of the audience member to actually find out for themselves.”

The warnings given to an audience member can also vary widely depending where they find themselves in the world, too. Promising Young Woman, for example, is rated M in Australia, R18 in New Zealand, and R in the United States. Meanwhile, the invaluable Common Sense Media recommends an age of fifteen years and upwards for the “dark, powerful, mature revenge comedy”. Mayhew says a publicist’s job is “to have your finger on the pulse” about these cultural differences. “You have to read the overall room, and when I say room I mean the culture as a whole, and you have to be constantly abreast of things across those different ages too.”

She adds: “This feeds into the importance of representation right at the top of those boardrooms and right down to the film sets. My job is to see all opinions, and I never will, especially because I am a white woman. I consider myself part of the LGBT community and sometimes I’ll bring that to a room that I think has been lacking in that area, when it comes to harmful stereotypes that can be propagated within films about LGBT people. But I can’t bring a Black person’s perspective, I cannot bring an Indigenous perspective. The more representation you have, the better your film is going to be, your campaign is going to be.”

Bays, who is also a filmmaker, agrees: representation is about information, and working with enough knowledge to make sure your film is being as faithful to your chosen communities as possible. “As a filmmaker, I’d feel ill-informed and misplaced if I was stumbling into an area of representation that I knew nothing about without finding some tools and collaborators who could bring deeper insight.”

Carey Mulligan and Bo Burnham in ‘Promising Young Woman’.

This is something Ford aimed for with Test Pattern’s choice of crew members, which had an effect not just on the end product, but on the entire production process. “I made sure that at the department head level, I was hiring people I was in community with and fully saw me as a person, and me them,” they say. “In some ways it made the experience more pleasurable.” That said, the shoot was still not without its incidents: “These were the types of things that in my experience often occur on a film set dominated by straight white men, that we're so accustomed to we sometimes don’t even notice it. I won’t go into it but what I will say is that it was not tolerated.”

Vital to the telling of the story were the lived experiences that Ford and their crew brought to set. “As it applies to the sensitive nature of this story, there were quite a few of us who have had our own experiences along the spectrum of assault, which means that we had to navigate our own internal re-processing of those experiences, which is hard to do when we’re constructing an experience of rape for a character.

“However, I think being able to share our own triggers and discomfort and context, when it came to Renesha’s experience, made the execution of it all the better. Again, it was a pleasure to be in community with such smart, talented and considerate women who each brought their own nuance to this film.”

* * *

Thinking about everything we’ve lived through by this point in 2021, and the heightened sensitivity and lowered mental health of film lovers worldwide, movies are carrying a pretty heavy burden right now: to, as Jane Fonda said at the Golden Globes, help us see through others’ eyes; also, to entertain or, at the very least, not upset us too much.

But to whom does film have a responsibility, really? Promising Young Woman’s writer-director Emerald Fennell, in an excellent interview with Vulture’s Angelica Jade Bastién, said that she was thinking of audiences when she crafted the upsetting conclusion.

What she was thinking was: a ‘happy’ ending for Cassie gets us no further forward as a society. Instead, Cassie’s shocking end “makes you feel a certain way, and it makes you want to talk about it. It makes you want to examine the film and the society that we live in. With a cathartic Hollywood ending, that’s not so much of a conversation, really. It’s a kind of empty catharsis.”

So let’s flip the question: what is our responsibility, as women and allies, towards celebrating audacious films about tricky subjects? The marvellous, avenging blockbusters that once sucked all the air out of film conversation are on pause, for now. Consider the space that this opens up for a different kind of approach to “must-see movies”. Spread the word about Test Pattern. Shout from the rooftops about It’s A Sin. Add Body of Water and Herself and Violation to your watchlists. And, make sure the right people are watching.

Brittany S. Hall and Will Brill in ‘Test Pattern’.

I asked my interviewees: if they could choose one type of person they think should see Promising Young Woman, who would it be? Ford has not seen Fennell’s film, but “it feels good to have my film contribute to a larger discourse that is ever shifting, ever adding nuance”. They are very clear on who can learn the most from their own movie.

“A white man is featured so prominently in Test Pattern as a statement about how white people and men have a habit of centering themselves in the stories of others, prioritizing their experience and neglecting to recognize those on the margins. If Evan is triggering, he should be. If your feelings about Evan vacillate, it is by design.

“‘Allies’ across the spectrum are in a complicated dance around doing the ‘right thing’ and ‘showing up’ for those they are ostensibly seeking to support,” Ford continues. “Their constant battle is to remember that they need to be centering the needs of those they were never conditioned to center. Tricky stuff. Mistakes will be made. Mistakes must be owned. Sometimes reconciliation is required.”

It is telling that similar thoughts emerged from my other interviewees regarding Promising Young Woman’s ideal audience, despite the fact that none of them was in conversation with the others for this story. For that reason, as we come to the end of this small contribution to a very large, ongoing conversation, I’ve left their words intact.

White: I think it’s a great film for men.

Searles: I feel like the movie is very much pointed at cisgender heterosexual men.

Mayhew: Men.

White: We’re always warned about the alpha male with a massive ego, but we’re not warned about the beta male who reads great books, listens to great records, has great film recommendations. But he probably slyly undermines you in a completely different way. Anybody can be a predator.

Searles: The actors chosen to play these misogynist, rape culture-perpetuating men are actors we think of as nice guys.

White: We are so much more tolerant of a man knocking the woman over the head, dragging her down an alley and raping her, because we understand that. But rape culture is made up of millions of small things that enable the people who do it. We are more likely to be attacked in our own homes by men we love than a stranger in the street.

Mayhew: The onus should not fall on women to call this out.

Searles: It’s not just creeps, like the ones you see usually in these movies. It’s guys like you. What are you going to do to make sure you’re not like this?

Related content

Sex Monsters, Rape Revenge and Trauma: a work-in-progress list

Rape and Revenge: a list of films that fall into, and play with, the genre

Unconsenting Media: a search engine for sexual violence in broadcasting

Follow Ella on Letterboxd

If you need help or to talk to someone about concerns raised for you in this story, please first know that you are not alone. These are just a few of the many organizations and resources available, and their websites include more information.

US: RAINN (hotline 0800 656 HOPE); LGBT National Help Center; Pathways to Safety; Time’s Up.

Canada: Canadian Association of Sexual Assault Centers—contacts by province and territory

UK/Ireland: Mind; The Survivors Trust (hotline 08088 010818); Rape Crisis England and Wales

Europe: Rape Crisis Network Europe

[axwalker]

Undeniable Miracle 2: Stranded

I’m participating in the 12 days of Christmas hosted by  @leelee10898 and @emichelle . Thank you so much  💕 💕

Synopsis: Alexis decides to leave Cordonia on Christmas Eve, but she has a car accident in the middle of the woods during a snow storm.

A/N: This AU takes place during Liam’s and Madeleine’s Engagement Tour.

A/N 2: Some vocabulary for the Spanish words.

A/N 3: I’m using the prompt: “If you’re so cold, why didn’t you say something? Come here.” requested by @mskaneko​ 

Fonda: Small Mexican restaurant.

Romeritos:  Tender sprigs of seepweed  which are boiled and served in a mole sauce seasoned with shrimp jerky blended into the mix. Typical additional ingredients include boiled potatoes, nopales and shrimp. They are usually served with bread slices and in tacos

Ensalada de manzana: combination of lettuce, beets, apple, and peanuts in a light orange vinaigrette

Bacalao:  Cod fish prepped with sautee onion, garlic, tomatoes and olives.

Pozole: Tradition Mexican soup made with Hominy, pork and peppers.

Villancicos: Traditional Christmas songs.

Warnings: I can’t think of anything for this chapter but there will be NSFW in future chapters. All my fics are for 18+ ONLY.

Words: 2718

Disclaimer: Characters and settings belong to Pixelberry.

@burnsoslow Thank you so much for beta read and for your encouragement. I love you and appreciate you so much.

The edit of the mood board is the work of beautiful @mskanekoI was dying to use it. I love youuu

When he sees I don't respond, he opens my door. "O'Brien? Are you okay?"

I blink, incapable of forming a coherent sentence. 

"Did you hit your head? You seem lost." Drake kneels in front of me.

Finally, I react. "What are you doing here?" 

"Hello to you too. I asked if you were okay."

"I'm fine. I need to call a tow truck."

"Yeah, right. There are no tow trucks in storms like this, O'Brien." He sighs and asks me to open the car's hood so he can check the engine. Five minutes later, he comes back, and I read his expression. The car is not going anywhere.  

"Sorry, O'Brien, but this car is not going to work for now, and the storm is getting worse. You're going to have to come with me."

I scoff. Drake is insane if he thinks I'll go anywhere with him. I've spent the last two months trying to forget everything about him; I don't need this right now. 

 "I'm sure I can find a way to get to Lythikos by myself."

"Shit, you're so damn stubborn, O'Brien. You aren't anywhere near there. It's about 50 miles away. I guess if your car had kept going about 50 miles through the woods, you might have landed there. Is that what you were trying to do?"

"Bite me, Drake."

"Wow, you really should do something about that attitude of yours." The asshole actually smirked. "I have a cabin a few miles up the road. We can go there and wait out the storm. My truck is parked on the road. I pulled over when I saw the car spinning."

"I'll wait here." 

"You'll wait for what? To freeze to death? Don't be ridiculous; you're coming with me."

I shake my head stubbornly. "I think freezing to death is preferable to going with you. Thank you very much." 

"You don't have much of a choice, O'Brien. I can't fuckin' leave you here. My cell phone doesn't work here, and I'm assuming yours doesn't either or else you'd be on it right now. They're expecting two feet of snow or more. So, I'm sorry if you're pissed at me or whatever, I'm not leaving you here."

I'm well aware that I'm behaving like a petulant, spoiled child, but my wish to make him as angry as I am overcomes all logical thinking. “As I said, I’m not going.”

 "I'm going to have to carry you to my truck then." 

"Carry me? No way. You are not touching me." I grab my phone again, begging my Abuela to send me just a little bit of phone service so I can call Max. 

"Either you get out of that by yourself, or I carry you. You have exactly 30 seconds to decide."

I shut my door and raise my phone, trying to get some signal. Suddenly, Drake opens the door, reaches into the car, and has me scooped up without effort into his arms before I can even protest. I barely have time to grab my purse. 

"Enough of your bullshit. Done," he states, then kicks my door shut and starts to walk up the snowy hill. 

I have no choice but to put my arms around his neck. "Let me go this second Walker!"

Drake stares at me and gently shoves a strand of hair off my face. I'm suddenly aware of how close our faces, our lips, are. Because my heart is stupid and has a mind of its own, it starts beating like crazy. Drake swallows hard, and for a second, I think he's going to kiss me; I'm almost closing my eyes when he speaks.

"Here we are." He puts me back on the ground and opens the door of his old Jeep. 

A bark coming from the backseat startles me.  

"Oh my god! He's beautiful! He looks like a wolf!"

Drake's eyes soften when he pets the animal.

"It's a Tamaskan dog." 

"Hi, boy! You're so cute!"

"He's not supposed to be cute; he's supposed to be terrifying." I turn my head, and I see he's teasing me. I shake my head and keep talking to the dog. "Don't listen to your dad, handsome; you're a cutie pie." 

"I'm not his dad. He's a damn dog, O'Brien." 

I rolled my eyes. "What's his name?" 

"Zeppelin. Get in the Jeep; I'm freezing my ass off out here."

I smirked at him. "I never realized how bossy you are." 

He shakes his head, but I catch the unwilling smile on his face. 

DRAKE

I glance to the seat next to me, still not believing that O'Brien is here, in my Jeep. I try to think of something else besides her maddening fruity scent or the curve of her neck, but I already know that my ability to function like a normal human being disappears when she's around. 

 I can't believe that I'm so fucking stupid to be still hung up on her after what happened in Ramsford. She made perfectly clear who she wanted to be with -- yet here I am, looking at her like a goddamn fool. 

We drive for a few minutes in complete silence. Suddenly a deer jumps out from the woods, right in front of the Jeep. I hear Alexis scream as I swerve, and the truck starts to slide and spin, gaining speed. In a second, I glance at her, throwing one arm across her chest to hold her against the seat when I see she doesn't have her seatbelt on. I try to regain control of the truck but it's not working. I feel the Jeep flying off the road and into the woods, crashing downhill and plowing down small trees, until it finally stops, wedged amongst a bunch of larger trees on the side of a hill. 

"Fuck!" I throw both hands against the steering wheel. "I can't fucking believe this shit!" I turn to O'Brien. "And why the fuck wasn't your seatbelt on?" 

“I thought you could drive!" She looks down at my arm, still holding her, and whispers, "Thank you." 

I rest my head against the wheel and take several deep breaths. "I'm sorry for yelling at you." My voice is level and calm, even if the thought that something could've happened to her while I was driving makes me murderous. "Are you okay?" She nods, still shaken. 

 "You okay, Zeppelin?" The dog whimpers and licks my hand. "That's a good boy. We're all okay." I try to restart the truck, but it's completely dead. I can't believe this; honestly, I just can't.

 "What are we going to do now?" O'Brien asks.

 "Well, we're out of cars, so unless you want to walk or ride the dog to my place, we're stuck here." 

She squints at me. "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, Walker."

"But the highest form of intelligence, O'Brien." I wink at her, and she rolls her eyes at me again. I've forgotten how much I loved teasing her. At least, I wish I had forgotten. "We're going to have to just stay put until the plow truck comes by, and we'll have to hitch a ride. Until then, we're in luck because I stopped at the grocery store on the way to the cabin. I have enough things we can eat and drink to keep us going until then. I have a big blanket in the back seat, so we should be able to stay pretty warm. It's really heavy and thick."

I saw the panic in her eyes, so I continued. "Hey, O'Brien, look at me." She raises those fucking beautiful dark eyes and meets my gaze. "I would never let anything happen to you, okay?"

She nods. "Okay. Yes, I know. I just hope we don't get hypothermia.”

"We won't, O'Brien. C'mon, I think we should both sit in the back seat, since there's a lot of room back there, and we can put the blanket over both of us. I think it will help keep us warmer."

She gives me an odd look but nods. "Right. Yes. I think it's the best idea." She climbs over the seat first, and my eyes roam over her perfect body. I suppress the urge to sink my hands in her delicious hips and sit her on my lap. I sigh and call Zeppelin to the front seat, so we have more space. 

"This is nice; it's very roomy," she says as she pulls the cover over both our legs. 

I can see that she's shivering. "If you're so cold, why didn't you say something? Come here." I put my coat on her shoulders, and she smiles at me. Fuck me if I wouldn't do almost anything for that smile. "Where were you going on Christmas Eve? I' would've thought you'd go to the Christmas ball in the palace."

She hesitates for a few seconds, but finally, she answers, "I was going to spend Christmas with Olivia in Lythikos."

I raise my brow in disbelief. "I must have a concussion, O'Brien; I just heard you were headed to Lythikos to spend Christmas with Olivia Nevrakis."  

"I know! Our friendship was … unexpected. At first, we were just trying to figure out who set us up. The whole Tariq thing that you stopped? It was a trap; someone was trying to blackmail both of us." 

I don’t want her to know that I spend every single free minute I have helping Max figure out who set her up. If I ever find the person who sent Tariq to her room that night and scared the shit out of her, I will kill him. 

"Yes, O'Brien, I knew. Liam told me."

She nodded. "Well, we're trying to get to the bottom of it together, so we've been spending a lot of late nights drinking bourbon and talking. She hides it very well under layers of sarcasm and abrasiveness, but she's extremely loyal and has a great heart. Just like you."

"If you compare me to that crazy redhead one more time, you'll be sleeping outside, O'Brien, and I can promise you, it's cold." 

She laughs. "Okay, okay, sorry. I won't do it again."  

I'm about to ask her why she's not spending Christmas with Liam, but she speaks before I can talk. "And you? What are you doing here?"

"I moved to a town close to Lythikos a month ago. I'm opening a veterinary clinic there. This morning I went to supervise the construction site and to get some groceries for the cabin." 

She looks pensive but doesn't say anything for a while. "I hope you're happier here than you were in the palace, Drake,"she finally says, so softly that I almost miss it. 

I take a deep breath because I can't tell her the truth. I can't tell her that I can't be happy now, not after her. When I kissed her that night, I lost everything. She would never be mine, and after that, we couldn’t even be friends anymore.

"Thank you, O'Brien," I reply anyway because I know she's expecting some sort of answer.

 "How did you get Zeppelin?" she asks as she pets my dog, and I swear the traitor's mouth curls up into a little doggy smile. 

"I was running some errands for the clinic when I saw him tied up outside. I came back a few weeks later on a sunny day, and this poor dog is just tied up to a fence on the side of the building with no shade or anything, and I don't even see a water dish or food. So I park my car and check on him, and he's all happy to have someone pet him, tail wagging like mad. There was an old food dish off to the side, but it was empty, and a dish with some dirty water. I went to my house and grabbed some of the toys and food I'd bought for the clinic. I also gave him some water, and he drank three fucking bowls. I felt terrible leaving him. I just had this bad gut feeling, you know?" She nods with misty eyes. "Anyway, I had to go back to Cordonia city after I gave the dog the stuff. To be honest, I kind of forgot about him. But when I came back, O'Brien, it was awful. I honestly think the last time he ate was the food I'd given him. He was nothing but skin and bones, too weak even to stand up. He was just lying there in the dirt with flies buzzing all around him. But when I kneeled in front of him, his little tail wagged a tiny bit. I think he remembered me." 

Tears spring into her eyes. "My God, Drake, what happened?" 

I see how affected she is, so I reach her hand and squeeze it. "An old man came out of the little building and started yelling at me to get off his property. There was just no fucking way I was going to leave him there. I told him that if I ever saw a dog or any other animal on his property ever again, I would fucking kill him. The douchebag just ran back to the house. I took the dog to my cabin. He was dehydrated and almost starved to death, had two ear infections, worms — you name it. We've been together ever since." Zeppelin looks up as if he knows we're talking about him. 

She wipes a tear and caresses Zeppelin's ear. "You named him?"

I shrug. "Best band ever." 

"Ha! You're so predictable, Walker."

 "How do you know my last name? I never gave it to you." 

"I asked Maxwell at the coronation. Why? You don't like it when I call you that? Turnabout's fair play, Walker." She bits her bottom lip; I look away before the impulse to kiss her becomes unbearable, and I do something stupid. Again.  

"Nah, I like it, O'Brien. Calling each other by our last names will be our thing." 

She sighs, not talking for a while. "What is it, O'Brien? I can almost see the wheels turning in your head."

"We're going to spend Christmas Eve here, stranded in the middle of nowhere."

"I know; I'm sorry, O’Brien. Do you usually do something special?"

She looks up to me with so much vulnerability in her pretty face, I find it hard to breathe. I instinctively come close to her because I hate that look in her eyes; I hate even more that I was the one who put put it there with my fucking dumb question. Her mom and grandma are dead; of course it's a sad subject.

 "Not in a long time. It was one of the holidays my mom, my Abuelita and I celebrated together. We didn't really do Halloween because my mom's Fonda was so busy preparing for Dia de Muertos. The day of the dead," she explains.

 "I know, O'Brien. You made me watch Coco with you and Maxwell in Applewood." I can't help but smile at the memory. She forced us to watch the damn movie in Spanish only to hit "pause" at every single scene to translate it and explain the traditions.

 "Well, Coco had it right! They really respected our traditions!" she replied, her eyes shining as they always did when she was excited. "Anyway, my mom worked for most holidays, and I was forced to spend Thanksgiving with my dad, his crazy wife, and her creepy son. So, Christmas was the best. Especially Nochebuena, Christmas Eve. We had this huge dinner where all our neighbors came to the house and brought Mexican dishes. We had everything; bacalao, romeritos, ensalada de manzana, and the best pozole in Brooklyn. We sang villancicos, had a piñata. The whole thing. My abuela took the holidays seriously," she says with a sad smile. 

I might be a fucking fool, but I can't stand seeing her this sad. And, suddenly, I know what to do. "We might not be able to have a traditional Mexican Nochebona ..."

She giggles. "No-che-bue-na, Drake."  

I think I could spend the rest of my life here listening to her speaking Spanish.“Yeah, that.” I watch through the window and when I see that the storm has calmed, I say, “I have an idea; just wait here." 

Tagging: 

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[pamphletstoinspire]

July, The Month Dedicated to the Most Precious Blood

THE SIXTEEN CARMELITE MARTYRS OF COMPIEGNE

The French Revolution reveals the titanic struggle between good and evil. During the terror, over 40,000 Frenchmen were executed just for holding fast to the Catholic Faith and objecting to the worst excesses of the Committee of Public Safety. The blood lost in the years of 1792-1794 staggers the imagination even in the retelling and the campaign against the Church was as diabolical as it was cruel.

Contemplative religious communities had been among the first targets of the fury of the French Revolution against the Catholic Church. Less than a year from May 1789 when the Revolution began with the meeting of the Estates-General, these communities had been required by law to disband. But many of them continued in being, in hiding. Among these were the community of the Carmelite nuns of Compiegne, in northeastern France not far from Paris -- the fifty-third convent in France of the Carmelite sisters who followed the reform of  St. Teresa of Avila, founded in 1641, noted throughout its history for fidelity and fervor. Their convent was raided in August 1790, all the property of the sisters was seized by the government, and they were forced to discard their habits and leave their house. They divided into four groups which found lodging in four different houses all near the same church in Compiegne, and for several years they were to a large extent able to continue their religious life in secret. But the intensified surveillance and searches of the "Great Terror" revealed their secret, and in June 1794 most of them were arrested and imprisoned.

They had expected this; indeed, they had prayed for it. At some time during the summer of 1792, very likely just after the events of August 10 of that year that marked the descent into the true deeps of the Revolution, their prioress, Madeleine Lidoine, whose name in religion was Teresa in honor of the founder of their order, by all accounts a charming perceptive, and highly intelligent woman, had foreseen much of what was to come. At Easter of 1792, she told her community that, while looking through the archives she had found the account of a dream a Carmelite had in 1693. In that dream, the Sister saw the whole Community, with the exception of 2 or 3 Sisters, in glory and called to follow the Lamb. In the mind of the Prioress, this meant martyrdom and might well be a prophetic announcement of their fate.

Mother Teresa had said to her sisters: "Having meditated much on this subject, I have thought of making an act of consecration by which the Community would offer itself as a sacrifice to appease the anger of God, so that the divine peace of His Dear Son would be brought into the world, returned to the Church and the state." The sisters discussed her proposal and all agreed to it but the two oldest, who were hesitant. But when the news of the September massacres came, mingling glorious martyrdom with apostasy, these two sisters made their choice, joining their commitment to that of the rest of the community. All made their offering; it was to be accepted.

After their lodgings were invaded again in June, their devotional objects shattered and their tabernacle trampled underfoot by a Revolutionary who told them that their place of worship should be transformed into a dog kennel, the Carmelite sisters were taken to the Conciergerie prison, where so many of the leading victims of the guillotine had been held during their last days on earth. There they composed a canticle for their martyrdom, to be sung to the familiar tune of the Marseillaise. The original still exists, written in pencil and given to one of their fellow prisoners, a lay woman who survived.

Give over our hearts to joy, the day of glory has arrived, Far from us all weakness, seeing the standard come; We prepare for the victory, we all march to the true conquest, Under the flag of the dying God we run, we all seek the glory; Rekindle our ardor, our bodies are the Lord's, We climb, we climb the scaffold and give ourselves back to the Victor.

O happiness ever desired for Catholics of France, To follow the wondrous road Already marked out so often by the martyrs toward their suffering, After Jesus with the King, we show our faith to Christians, We adore a God of justice; as the fervent priest, the constant faithful, Seal, seal with all their blood faith in the dying God....

Holy Virgin, our model, August queen of martyrs, deign to strengthen our zeal And purify our desires, protect France even yet, help; us mount to Heaven, Make us feel even in these places, the effects of your power. Sustain your children, Submissive, obedient, dying, dying with Jesus and in our King believing.

On July 17 the sixteen sisters were brought before Fouquier-Tinville. All cases were now being disposed of within twenty-four hours as Robespierre had wished; theirs was no exception. They were charged with having received arms for the emigres; their prioress, Sister Teresa, answered by holding up a crucifix.

 "Here are the only arms that we have ever had in our house."

They were charged with possessing an altar-cloth with designs honoring the old monarchy (perhaps the fleur-de-lis) and were asked  to deny any attachment to the royal family. Sister Teresa responded: "If that is a crime, we are all guilty of it; you can never tear out of our hearts the attachment for Louis XVI and his family. Your laws cannot prohibit feeling; they cannot extend their empire to the affections of the soul; God alone has the right to judge them." They were charged with corresponding with priests forced to leave the country because they would not take the constitutional oath; they freely admitted this. Finally they were charged with the catchall indictment by which any serious Catholic in France could be guillotined during the Terror: "fanaticism." Sister Henriette, who had been Gabrielle de Croissy, challenged Fouguier-Tinvile to his face:

"Citizen, it is your duty to respond to the request of one condemned; I call upon you to answer us and to tell us just what you mean by the word 'fanatic.'" 

"I mean," snapped the Public Prosecutor of the Terror, "your attachment to your childish beliefs and your silly religious practices."

"Let us rejoice, my dear Mother and Sisters, in the joy of the Lord," said Sister Henriette, "that we shall die for our holy religion, our faith, our confidence in the Holy Roman Catholic Church."

While in prison, they asked and were granted permission to wash their clothes. As they had only one set of lay clothes, they put on their religious habit and set to the task. Providentially, the revolutionaries picked that "wash day" for their transfer to Paris. As their clothes were soaking wet, the Carmelites left for Paris wearing their "outlawed" religious habit. They celebrated the feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel in prison, wondering whether they would die that day.

It was only the next day they went to the guillotine. The journey in the carts took more than an hour. All the way the Carmelite sisters sang: the "Miserere," "Salve Regina," and "Te Deum." Beholding them, a total silence fell on the raucous, brutal crowd, most of them cheapened and hardened by day after day of the spectacle of public slaughter. At the foot of the towering killing machine, their eyes raised to Heaven, the sisters sang "Veni Creator Spiritus." One by one, they renewed their religious vows. They pardoned their executioners. One observer cried out: "Look at them and see if they do not have the air of angels! By my faith, if these women did not all go straight to Paradise, then no one is there!"

Sister Teresa, their prioress, requested and obtained permission to go last under the knife. The youngest, Sister Constance, went first. She climbed the steps of the guillotine "With the air of a queen going to receive her crown," singing Laudate Dominum omnes gentes, "all peoples praise the Lord." She placed her head in the position for death without allowing the executioner to touch her. Each sister followed her example, those remaining singing likewise with each, until only the prioress was left, holding in her hand a small figure of the Blessed Virgin Mary. The killing of each martyr required about two minutes. It was about eight o'clock in the evening, still bright at midsummer. During the whole time the profound silence of the crowd about the guillotine endured unbroken.

Two years before when the horror began, the Carmelite community at Compiegne had offered itself as a holocaust, that peace might be restored to France and the Church.

The return of full peace was still twenty-one years in the future. But the Reign of Terror had only ten days left to run.

Years of war, oppression and persecution were yet to come, but the mass official killing in the public squares of Paris was about to end. The Cross had vanquished the guillotine.  These sixteen holy Carmelite nuns have all been beatified by our Holy Father, the Pope, [Pope St. Pius X, 27 May 1906] which is the last step before canonization.

Blessed Carmelites of Compiegne, pray for us!

[bcwallin]

One Nostalgia Later

Zero barely talks about his great lost love. As the “aged proprietor” of an “enchanted old ruin” known as the Grand Budapest Hotel, he tells his life story by skipping around her presence, touching on the existence of his “darling Agatha,” but avoiding falling into the pit of despair. Beautiful things don’t get to be completed in his world, where poems are always cut off, nice sentiments are interrupted, and the dark specter of war and disease cuts short any hope of living long, living with love. The man who “struck one as being, deeply and truly, lonely” knows what it is to lose.

For a brief time, Zero and Agatha shared a love. They were outcasts, ignored, working in service jobs that required self-abnegation—he as a hotel lobby boy; she, the pastry girl at a bakery. We see them in their bedrooms; it’s not much. “We did not have 50 Klubecks between the two of us,” recalls the older Zero. They worked long, demanding hours and had few moments to spare. Zero’s meals were held with the rest of the hotel staff. Agatha suffered the overbearing, watchful eye of her boss at the bakery, Herr Mendl. Being together was difficult, but the few moments they shared were rapturous. Their courtship felt like young love feels: furtive, secretive, and bursting with flushed emotion.

That young love never gets to mature. Agatha dies too early. “An absurd little disease,” the older Zero says parenthetically of the cause of death. So, every moment is preserved in amber, but never lingered on for too long. “She is a nearly absent presence in the story, by Zero’s choice: a narrative door marked ‘Do Not Enter,’” writes Matt Zoller Seitz, in his book about the movie. “He won’t speak of her. It’s too painful, and he’s too private.” But the aged Zero can’t tell his story without including her, try as he might. And we get glimpses.

On one good day, Zero and Agatha go to a carousel. They’re accompanied by Herr Mendl, but they barely notice. Zero gives his love a gift. He’s so anxious for her to like it, he can’t even wait for her to open the wrapping before he bursts out with what it is. He can’t contain his love in the inscription, either: “For my dearest, darling, treasured, cherished Agatha, whom I worship. With respect, adoration, admiration, kisses, gratitude, best wishes, and love.”

Throughout their courtship, the world around Zero and Agatha bursts at the seams with the portents of war, as newspapers tease, armies gather, and the brightly colored, idyllic world of the fictional state of Zubrowka teeters on the brink. The start of the war, after all, sees the appearance of black-clad death squads, and eventually, the draining of color from the film itself. Darkness and death loom quietly, but no matter what’s going on in the world, a first love is a first love. And it’s all encapsulated in a single image.

Agatha’s face takes up the center of the boxy frame—her gaze is transfixing. She stares lovingly, straight through the camera. We’re Zero, locking eyes with her. The colors shift over her face as carousel lights turn behind and around her. She is radiant, then shadowed, then red. She has the slightest hint of a smile, her head tilted, just so. Agatha stares with her deep blue eyes and it’s near-impossible to look away. But who would want to?

In this single moment, the music fades as if it’s playing somewhere else, the lights haze, as the focus can only be directed toward Agatha. Time is frozen, if only for a moment, as we experience the ecstasy of loving and knowing you are loved. Of early love, with its rushed heartbeats, tingling limbs, empty stomachs, stuttering lips, and sweaty brows. We hold onto this eternally familiar moment. As Italo Calvino once wrote, describing a different, frozen moment in time: “The suspicion that has gripped me is precisely this: that I have come to find myself in a space not new to me, that I have returned to a point where we had already passed by.”

* * *

The Grand Budapest Hotel continues a literary tradition that’s stretched from Dante to Moulin Rouge!: women die tragically and their lovers memorialize them in their writings. Agatha is an ideal, an image. Like Madeleine to Scotty in Vertigo (but less creepy), like the woman of an aged Mr. Bernstein’s tale in Citizen Kane (but more meaningful), Agatha exists as a memory or a reference.

With its frames within frames of shifting perspectives and aspect ratios, The Grand Budapest Hotel is distinctly literary. Its opening monologue is lifted nearly verbatim from Beware of Pity by Stefan Zweig, an author whose work is credited with inspiring the film, whose mustache seems to appear on more than one character’s face, and whose disappearing world is fictionalized as the setting. Zweig’s non-fiction is a great example of the longing for a lost place; his fiction for lost people. In his novella Journey into the Past, Zweig chronicles the long-awaited reunion of a man and a woman who had once been deeply in love, years ago. “How much time, how much lost time, and yet in the space of a second a single thought took him back to the very beginning.”

Zweig’s stories are often framed as recollections told over, as stories shared with strangers because of their absolute meaningfulness—much like the memorializing by grieving lovers of literary tradition—because these memories needed to be stories, to be remembered by somebody else. Zweig’s framing characters look to create the literature of their own lived stories. Journey into the Past sees two characters, Ludwig and an unnamed woman,  returning to their own story, with one seeking to consummate his unrequited love of nine years’ distance. They had had an emotional affair, tucked into passionate glances and tacit communication, years earlier, while her husband was alive. They kissed where they could, but they had to hide from the servants who always seemed to be around at the least opportune time. Ludwig’s desires were never fully satisfied and he was called away on business so he could build his fortune. And he and his love made a promise to be together once he’d return.

But the trouble with remembering love is that its amber glow sets up dangerous expectations. After being away far longer than he’d have liked to be, Ludwig is greeted fondly by the woman’s staff. He joins his love to the literary tradition and wonders to himself, as Zweig writes, “Odysseus…the household dogs recognize you, will the mistress of the house know you again too?” He’s been away for nine years. He’s gotten married, but he still returns for a rendezvous with the woman he loved and lost, to fulfill a promise she had made him, but which she realizes she cannot keep. Ludwig recalls a couplet from a French poem by Paul Verlaine: “In the old park, in ice and snow caught fast / Two specters walk, still searching for the past.” The poem, which cuts off there in Zweig’s story, imagines a dialogue between lost lovers:

—Does your heart still surge at my very name?

Do you still see my soul when you dream?—No.

—Ah, the beautiful days of inexpressible bliss

When our lips met!—It may have been so.

—How blue the sky, how hopes ran high!

—Hope has fled, vanquished, to the black sky.

Like Jay Gatsby or Mr. Bernstein or Lemony Snicket, wondering what might have been, Ludwig and Verlaine’s narrator and an old Zero romanticize their visions of love as time goes by.

“Any adequate view of nostalgia will acknowledge that it involves a felt difference between past and present: the very irretrievability of the past is salient in the experience,” wrote philosophy professor Scott Alexander Howard. We may seek to stay in the past through memory, Howard tells us, because the present seems worse, because we didn’t realize how good life was, or because we’re spontaneously overtaken by nostalgia. Nostalgia may mean that we see the past as a time that was better, and while that doesn’t necessarily mean that our vision of the past is false, it does mean that things get amplified to a whole other level:

The nostalgist knows the past in question was unpleasant at the time, but in memory it is altered by certain effects: for example, the memory has acquired a gold patina, or it seems to be an uncanny distillation of a whole time period. Neither effect strikes the self-aware nostalgist as true to the quality of one’s experiences at the time when those memories were encoded. Yet they are part of what is targeted by nostalgia. The emotion seems to be directed precisely at the “fictional” features of the memory image—things which one recognizes to be not inside the scene on the other side of the window, but drawn onto the glass.

That amber glow or gold patina grows as we distance ourselves from a disappeared world. Zero’s story, his world, his love are by definition irretrievable.

The carousel (in reality, a wood frame built around a camera setup) is irretrievable. The lights (in reality, constructed to be evocative more than representative) are irretrievable. The shared moment—stolen between long shifts of service as Herr Mendl looks on—is gone, and its memory is a fictionalized, amberized construction of nostalgia and longing.

As the elder Zero looks back, the once garishly pink and red hotel now looks like a holdover from Soviet-era architecture, its colors a drab collection of beiges and oranges. The grand ballroom holds few diners and the place, in general, is empty. Guests push their own elevator buttons, serve themselves from vending machines, and, at times, even retrieve their own keys.

And Agatha. Zero holds onto her memory, but reveals very little of it. She has 15 lines in the film’s screenplay. The first time we hear of Agatha, the older Zero avoids saying much, and talks of her only when he has to. It’s all gone and irretrievable. Sort of.

* * *

One cold November night at Penn Station, the poet Alandra Markman, then going by the pseudonym Allan Andre, wrote a poem for me and a friend (we missed our train, but the delay was worth it). “One nostalgia later” gave a compelling portrait of family meals, “as winter nights dissolve into warm / recollection and company we’re still keeping.” The way the poem goes, we create our nostalgia as we live through moments, readying our stories to be told and remembered some time later on. “Let every glow, mechanical or felt, be one / with the shadows we’re still casting, / and guide our bodies into greater light.”

The story of Zero and Agatha’s love was created on the carousel. In that moment, we see their love blossoming, deepening, exploding with the soft-focus lights of ecstasy. The elder Zero tells us he’s exercising restraint, avoiding talking about Agatha as much as he can, but if he were truly offering a utilitarian telling, there’d be no need to include this gaze frozen in time. In that moment, we never see Zero head-on, never see the reverse shot of adoration. It’s only Agatha and light. And us.

The elder Zero tells the story to a writer, the writer remembers it long enough to write it as an older man, the older man’s book becomes important enough for him to become a beloved national author, and through the eyes of a devotee, we read this book. When Stefan Zweig incorporates listeners into the story, it’s not just for the purpose of framing. The value of a memory is in how it feels to the rememberer, but the value of a story is in how it feels to the one who hears it. It is the storyteller himself who seeks out the opportunity to tell his story—the older Zero needles the writer into admitting his curiosity and offers, of his own volition, to tell it  in full. The telling is not for the benefit of Zero himself; he is giving something to the author, creating an experience for his audience. With its multiple framings, The Grand Budapest Hotel tells us that we are the viewers, the listeners, the readers. We are part of the experience, and we create our nostalgia as we experience it, so we can tell the story later of a place with bright reds, dark blacks, and swirling lights.

I remember The Grand Budapest Hotel, and I remember those swirling lights and the clutched breath and the deep longing. I think about that one frame of Agatha, frozen in time, holding her lover’s gaze—holding our gaze—as the darkness briefly clouds her face. Every time Zero and the writer and Wes Anderson tell me the story, I see that darkness and I face the irretrievability. I don’t feel nostalgia; I feel regret. For Zubrowka and everything it represents. For the grandness of the Grand Budapest. For Agatha.

* * *

When Calvino wrote about his frozen moment, it was in the story “t zero,” in which the narrator, a hunter, faces a lion L, the arrow A just fired from the hunter’s bow at the time tx. The hunter considers the possibility that A will collide with L at point X and he will be saved, or that A will miss the target L, which would then sink its very sharp claws into his chest in the less preferable of situations. It feels familiar, the narrator tells us, though not because of a comparable lion he’s fought or some feeling of ancestral memory lodged in his DNA. “If I say this moment I am living through is not being lived for the first time by me, it’s because the sensation I have of it is one of a slight doubling of images, as if at the same time I were seeing not one lion or one arrow but two or more lions and two or more arrows superimposed with a barely perceptible overlapping, so the sinuous outlines of the lion’s form and the segment of the arrow seem underlined or rather haloed by finer lines and a more delicate color.” He is experiencing a sense of timelessness, as if he’s lived through this moment in time and space, again and again. “What, after all, is the use of continuing if sooner or later we will only find ourselves in this situation again?”

While the elder Zero withholds a lot, rewatching The Grand Budapest Hotel can feel like a slight glimpse into the heart of an old man, thinking about his lost love and the potential of bright colors and bursting emotion that could have continued for the rest of his life (the internet loves a revisionist theory about a movie—what if the Grand Budapest Hotel of the past only looks that way because of how Zero remembers it?). Calvino’s hunter is doubtful. Zero seems assured. He memorializes his beloved with the hotel that stands for their love. With the story he tells of her. And he lets us see a little.

And we see the near-imperceptible smile, the tilt of a head, the unblinking eyes, the brightness and the dark. We see the warm glow of memory that says how great this was and the hint of sorrow asking how great this could have been.

Originally published on Bright Wall/Dark Room

[alj4890]

Choices September Challenge

Day 10 Together

(Leo x Madeleine) in a Choices Rules of Engagement drabble.

A/N I know. I do. There is a ton of Madeleine hate out there. Granted there have been several times I wanted the MC to slap her in TRR. But...when it is all said and done, she has been dealt a raw deal in not just one Choices series, but two.

@choicesseptemberchallenge20 @xjustin-ethansgirliex @lovealexhunt @krsnlove​

Masterlist

Excuses

"Leo, darling?" Madeleine smiled warmly at him. "Am I boring you with these ideas for the wedding reception?"

Cordonia's crown prince leaned over and pecked a kiss to her cheek. "Sorry, love. I can't seem to concentrate lately."

She placed her hand on his. "I know this type of activity isn't something you would normally choose to do." She lowered her eyes to the images on the table that she had spent one too many hours agonizing over. "I just want everything to be perfect."

"I know you do." Leo released a frustrated breath. "Trust me. Father has done nothing but say how our wedding must be perfect." He rolled his eyes. "Anything for the people."

"I want it perfect for us." She shyly admitted.

He avoided her eyes. "Well, of course."

Unable to look down at his future being decided by everyone but him, he left the table to pace.

"I know most will expect us to use the formal dining room, but I have a soft spot for the place you proposed." She lifted a photograph of a rarely used ballroom in the palace. "No one else knows how special that room is. It could be our own secret celebration during the rec--"

"Madeleine?" Leo turned abruptly toward her. "I need a break."

"I suppose we have been at this for a while." She gathered her photographs and notes. "We can decide tomorrow--"

"I'm going to go out of town for a few days." He informed her.

She stilled. "Out of town? But--"

"I know it is poor timing." He took her hands in his. "I need this."

She looked up at him. A hint of a smile formed on her lips. "Leo, I know circumstances have sped up since your father announced our intention to marry sooner than you thought ." She pressed a tender kiss to his lips. "You deserve a little time to yourself."

He cupped her face and kissed her once more. "You're an angel."

She smiled at him. "Don't stay away too long."

"I won't."

***************

A few days later...

"Madeleine?"

She looked up from her seating charts. "Yes, your majesty?"

Constantine walked into her room. "My dear, I've received word from Leo. He has decided to extend his time away."

"He did?" Her brow furrowed in confused hurt. "I haven't heard from him. Did he not want to talk to me?"

"Leo has decided to take a cruise." He explained. "He assured me that when it makes its next port that he will come back home." He gently patted her shoulder. "I know he will call you once he is settled."

A niggling doubt cropped up in her mind, one that she would have to ignore. "Of course he will. I simply miss his input on all these decisions we need to make."

Constantine laughed. "Leo? You want his input? I believe you should make all the plans." He bowed his head to her. "Your taste needs no assistance."

*****************

A few weeks later...

"Lady Madeleine?!" One of the paparazzo yelled out. "How do you feel about Prince Leo caught in Santorini with an unknown woman?"

"Is the wedding still happening?" Another asked while snapping a photo.

"Why hasn't there been a definite date set?"

Madeleine kept her practiced smile firmly in place. "All of Cordonia knows how friendly our crown prince is. Knowing him as well as I do, I'm certain that he was being his usual charming, helpful self to a person in need." She swallowed nervously. "I expect him to come home soon. Then, together, we will announce our wedding date."

A flurry of camera flashes blinded her as she tried to make it to the waiting car.

That must have been what caused her tears.

**************

The next day...

"There you are!" Leo was a touch breathless as he jogged over. "I've been looking for you everywhere."

"I decided to go for a walk." Madeleine mumbled.

She tilted her head while studying him. "So? How was Santorini?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Look, I know there have been rumors floating about my time there."

"Rumors." She said calmly. "Pictures." Blocking his path, she asked the question she dreaded. "Leo, who is she?"

He took her hands and raised them to his lips. "Love, she's only a fellow cruise ship passenger." He shrugged his shoulders. "She was in the wrong place and I used my title to help her."

Madeleine remained quiet. Doubt practically radiated throughout her mind.

She'd seen the pictures. There was no way possible that the mystery woman was just another passenger. She knew the look of desire Leo had. She knew the tenderness that could appear when he flirted. She knew that he only held hands with someone he truly cared for.

And all those were seen in the photos.

Is it just a fling? Or something more?

Whatever it is, it hurt. It was a rock shattering the glass bubble of her dream. She had thought that he had chosen her out of everyone because he felt something more than a simple sense of duty.

Was I mistaken?

She lowered her head. "I see."

Leo shifted from foot to foot. "How's the plans going?"

"Everything is moving right along." She forced herself to meet his eyes. Her proud, cool mask once more in place. "Your father suggested the the fourteenth of next month for our wedding."

"Fourteenth?" He averted his gaze. "That soon?"

"Yes." Her tone hardened. "It is very soon."

He let go of her hands. Taking a step back, he flashed a charming smile. "I should go talk to Father." He turned away from her. "I'll see you soon."

**************

A day later...

"You're what?" Madeleine didn't bother to hide her frustration. "You're returning to the cruise ship?!"

"Father and Regina understand the pressure I'm under." Leo snapped. "I would think that my future wife would also understand."

"I do understand pressure!" She put her hands on her hips. "I'm the one taking all the pressure for our wedding!"

"I can't deal with this right now Madeleine." He shoved some clothes into a duffle bag. "Especially when you're yelling."

"I'm not yelling!" She exclaimed.

He smirked at her.

She took a deep breath and tried to calm down. "Leo, we need to quiet these rumors that something is wrong." Her pride smarted having to beg him to help her. "We need to spend some time together."

"And we will." He slung his bag over his shoulder. "As soon as I return."

He brushed past her without a goodbye.

As soon as she no longer heard his footsteps, she dropped her head into her hands.

**************

A couple of weeks later...

He's back and he didn't think to tell me!

Madeleine straightened her posture. She took three deep breaths and sneaked into his bedroom.

She hated that she felt a twinge in her heart as she observed his sleeping form. His hair was tousled. Skin tanned by his days on his cruise.

His eyes opened. He blinked sleepily a few times as he sat up.

"Madeleine? Wha--"

She was determined to put the past behind them. Once they were married, they would be united in all that they did for their country and in their personal life.

She draped her arms across his shoulders and kissed him. "I've missed you, darling--"

"Leo?"

Madeleine stilled. She looked over her shoulder and saw the girl from the pictures.

"What the hell is this?!" The picture girl yelled.

"Katie!" Leo pleaded. "It's not what you think--"

Not what you think?

"Who is she?" Katie demanded.

"Who are you?" Madeleine countered.

"I'm Leo's princess." She announced.

Leo's princess.

Somehow Madeleine retained her cool. Those two words had struck her to the point that she felt the need to double over from the pain.

Leo's princess. I was once that. In the eyes of the world, I AM that. Oh God, how did this--what should I--please--give me the words.

"I'm his fiancée." Madeleine explained. She felt a slight bit of pity for the other woman when she took a step back in surprise.

Just imagine you were days from your wedding only to discover that your prince charming is a dirty, cheating scumbag.

"Madeleine, get out of here." Leo ordered.

She somehow kept her emotions at bay. Shouldn't he be down on his knees begging for her forgiveness? Shouldn't he be telling this Katie person to leave?

She walked past the angry woman and out into the hallway.

I have to know.

For the first time in her life, Madeleine pressed her ear to a door.

Each word Leo said caused shock and pain to rise within her. Her carefully calm mask slipped. Tears built in her eyes. Lips parted to get the needed breaths of air.

He didn't want her. He never had. He was willing to give up the throne just to get out of having to marry her.

Leo wanted Katie. Wanted to make it up to her. Prove to her she is the only woman in his life.

We were never together. All I was was an obligation. A necessary step to the throne that he has no desire in claiming.

She felt like such a fool. She had tried to be affectionate. Allowed herself to fall for him. Hoped for a marriage different from her parents. Believed she had found it.

Never again. The only thing she would ever leave herself vulnerable was for her country, her people. Emotions had no place in being a ruler. Hadn't her father told her that repeatedly?

She stepped away from his door. Her pride decided to remind this Katie that there was something bigger here than the three of them. A country would need its future king and queen. It would need their offspring. It would need stability.

Cordonia was all she had left. Being given a chance to be its next queen was all she was good for.

She couldn't lose it now.

[citoyenneangele]

Les Mis in Bernese (Swiss Les Mis part 3)

The most interesting finding I had during my research at the library was a script of Les Mis in Bernese German (Bärndütsch), a Swiss German dialect, my native language kind of.

I found this extremely fascinating, to read a story that means so much to me, in particular a version of it that is very close to the original in many quotes, in my local language. It was without a doubt a very particular experience for me, enriching in many ways.

This script was written by Ueli Bichsel in the occasion of a open air theatre production in the Bernese old town in 2011.

Sadly it was pretty hard to find actual footage of the show after 9 years, since many of the things are no longer available on the internet after such a long time. This sadly also includes the photos that the theatre company uploaded.

Here is a partly reconstructed version of the website, that does include some aspects of it, like the introduction to the play and the cast, but sadly no photos :(

Here is one of the few pictures I found on the internet a few months ago, featuring probably Javert and Gavroche

here is a little exctact of the play featuring Valjean’s dispair, a fair in Montreuil, the Thenardiers, Cosette and the other 2 kids, possibly Fantine...

The way this video is arranged makes me suspect there would be a whole recording, to which I sadly don’t have access, but this video just focuses on the woman who plays the accordeon.

Besides that the only file I have access too is a a few scenes that were featured in a christian tv show which you can find here. It is a portrait of the woman who did the co-direction of the production. The portrait starts at about 5mins in. It features besides the portait of Nathalie Trachsel also some behind the scenes clips from the rehearsals, also some scenes from the actual play: Javert upon Valjean’s release, Valjean and the Bishop, Fantine dying, Javert confronting; then after a break The Amis shouting “to the barricades!” (in particular Combeferre, Feuilly, and Enjolras (the guy with the red cravat), them building the barricade, the first attack, Gavroche shooting the sergeant and Gavroche dying, Valjean releasing Javert.

Now let me tell you about the particularities of this play and its adaptional choices:

The language: as I already said, this is the first time I hear and read Les Mis in my native dialect. It is a very poetic form of it using many specific Bernese terms of vocabulary, that I would probably not use on everyday basis.

The script is specifically designed for the square in the old town where it was realised in 2011. Multiple references concerning the nearby streets are being made. Also the actual cathedral of Bern, giving the square its name, is being integrated, as the seat of the Bishop of Digne. I think they invested also some part of the introduction to the play by stating that all of this could also have happened right here, in these streets, which is a pretty powerful message.

The play includes multiple dreamlike sequences, that also explain multiple cast of Valjean. The first dream is kind of a nightmare that Valjean has during his first night after prison where he sleeps on the stone bench which resumes the ordeal he experienced since his conviction for stealing bread (featuring various Valjean-actors at different stages of his life). The next one is the one where everyone surrounds Fantine and wants money from her after her dismissal. Another dreamscene is the internal debate that Valjean experiences after learing about the “trial of the applethief”, where multiple actors represent the different voices in Valjean’s head (Madeleine’s self who doesn’t want to give up his freedom and doesn’t want to give his town up and do good there instead, even if this means breaking with the past, Fantine who insists that he has to save her daughter and thus can’t go in prison, the apple thief who doesn’t want to go to prison for life in his place, the Bishop who wants him to stay with the truth...). The last dreamscene is the near-death experience Marius has after the barricade which is very similar to the finale of the 2012 film which it predates, except that they are actually not singing the finale but the regular Do You Hear The People Sing in (standard) German.

Another particularity is the insert of Javert as some sort of narrator that comments basically the entire story from his point of view. This is particularly interesting because this Javert seems to me more omniscient than I expect actual Hugolian Javert to be. And since there is no story without a narrator, this play ends with Javert’s suicide.

Generally the book seems to have been an important source of information, many of the dialogues are directly taken from Hugo

The influence of the musical is there and reaches also to the point of the already anticipated inclusion of a song into the play. But there are some part of influences that also make me think of other versions, in particular some dialogue seems to be directly taken from 2000 Les Mis (conversation about the cause from Marius and Enjolras)

Marius is a Republican (and sadly partially rude to Gavroche)

Javert tries to hire Gavroche to spy on the Musain, and the latter takes the money, but later uses this against Javert

Gavroche kills the artillery sergeant and not Enjolras, and gets killed while rejoicing his success

preparation for the barricade is featured

In general I have to say that I enjoyed reading this very much as it was really a well done adaptation from how I can tell this. Very detailed.

I am gonna keep a copy of this script. So if you have questions or would have to see something more in detail, just ask ;)

Click on read more to see the detailed summary.

Before the actual script several interesting documents are included

So the very first page is a letter that the director wrote to one of the actors in the play (he plays Le Noir, a elderly revolutionary, who gets a few lines of one of the unnamed workers of the Faubourg that Hugo quotes). He makes an excuse that it took so long, but they had to edit some things because there were not enough male actors for all the roles, so they had to change a few male roles into female roles, and they are also considering where someone may take over multiple roles.

Then we have a list of all the roles with the respective actors who played them. Some roles are still open, and marked with a question mark, as this list was made before the rehearsals actually took place

Next up we have a plan of the rehearsals, with days and hours and everything... interestingly enough they took place at a location that I personally know, so that is very meaningful for me.

Then follows the actual script. The title is Les Misérables - fate, death and love. The translation is by Ueli Bichel, last edited by Marlise Oberli-Schoch, in 2010.

Prologue

Valjean enters from one of the side streads, is poorly clothed, unshaved, lies on a stone bench and sleeps.

Valjean has a nightmare. so there is a scene within the scene. Which explains the quantity of Valjeans that are employed. Like the Madeleine's self, they appear to the actual Valjean actor in the dreams. In this particular dream sequence Valjean is sentenced to 5 years galleys. While both Valjean and his sister Jeanne beg for mercy (because he tried to work but that was not enough to feed all 8 of them, and parents are dead and so on...)  the judge has none of this because the LAW.

Valjean2 is sentenced to more prison and other... corrective measures

Valjean 3 and 4 are sentenced to more prison and other unhuman treatment. Javert appears and lets the prisoners to be chained together. They go away

Javert has a monologue about Valjean. Basically he knows that we will say that this sentence is inhuman and that arresting people like JVJ causes more misery since he is the breadwinner of his family etc. But the law is clear and shall not be questioned. He is not in the position to judge the law, and he is also not responsible for the existence of criminals. His duty is it to find out about crimes and to fight them and to deliver criminals to their rightful punishment. He also gives Valjean his passport and tells him what he has to do and what happens if he breaks is parole...and then Javert speaks to the public and talks about how Valjean cried after his first conviction, and how he now doesn't show any feelings anymore. Wonders what happened to his soul.

A woman called Delacroix wakes Valjean up and asks him what he is doing here, why he sleeps on a stone bench and why he is not going to a inn. He says he was rejected everywhere. She gives him a tip and indicates... the actual cathedral that is on that square in Bern where the theatre takes place.

Image/Act 1

Valjean knocks at the cathedral door. First Magloire with Baptistine, then the Bishop come out. While the women are scared the Bishop approaches Valjean without fear  and calmly. greets him with a blessing. Valjean tells him who he is and that he has nowhere to stay, that they didn't let him in even in the prison and so on.... Bishop invites him. JVJ continues to talk about his yellow passport. and is surprised that he wants to take him in ... more conversation of this kind. Bishop says it is not his home, it is the home of jesus, that the door ask not how the one is called who comes in, that is asks if one has hunger or thirst.... Says Valjean come sfrom a place where lots of sad things exists, a place full of hatred and anger against the peple, you have the right to mercy. When you go from here with a benevolence, and thoughts of freedom, a penitent sinner and a peaceful man, then you are worth more than anyone of us. Lets him sleep there.[

Magloire has a panic attack because the silver is missing and what else terrible could have happened. The gendarmes bring the arrested Valjean back.The entire conversation about how the bishop exonerates Valjean, by saying he gave him the silver and why didn't he take the candlesticks... And tells him to become a honest man, that he no longer belongs to evil...Javert as narrator again comments the whole scenery and does not believe that Valjean can become a good person in such a short time. Because once a prisoner, always a  prisoner.

almost to prove Javert's judgement  the next scene is Petit Gervais, but with a girl called Odette, Valjean tears his ticket

Image/Act 2

there is some kind of fair with music and dancing and market, and all kinds of shows. Javert is there, Thenardier is in his inn, Mme T. is there too... Thenardier boasts about how he, sergeant Thenardier, saved a General in Waterloo with lots of overdramatic details People in the audience have mixed feelings about his narration. While someone is totally impressed, someone else has heard other things about this "ghoul". The Thenardiers have first names (Justin and Rose) They have a discussion about their newest visitor and how they can rip him off the best. Make some remarks about his job as a innkeeper that remind me distantly of Master of the house in the musical. Javert has a conversation with Mme T. about Cosette. Then a conversation about Javert, who is new in town. and once they know where he wants to go (the police prefecture) they suddenly ask lower prizes.

So apparently the Thenardiers are in the same place here as Javert, and thus probably also Fantine and Valjean..

Javert arrives at the police. there is a captain Bovet, who is currently ridiculously eating a sandwich and is not bothered by Javert's arrival until he says who he is, i.e. the new police inspector, and he keep telling him that he is not behaving the way he is supposed to according to the official instructions. He wants to see the mayor immediately. On the way, Javert has a conversation with Bovet about how much more clean it is here and how much less crimes there will be here than in Paris. Bovet says that is due to the glass manufacture that the life in Montreuil has never been better. He asks him if he wants to see it. He says, first the mayor. Whom does the factory belong to? To the mayor. He first worked as worker, but after the bankruptcy of the former owner he bought the entire factory six years ago. Javert thinks then it is even better if they first go and see the mayor, when he seems to be the driving force in this town. Bovet says, yes, but also that he is kinda extraordinary, eccentric, well very shy. He lives like an eremit, retired and alone. He even did not want to be elected, he had rejected to be mayor at first. The people think he is abit crazy, but Bovet thinks he is sympathetic and yet he has a bit of pity for him because he is so lonely. A very short, very formal visit at Madeleine's house, where for some reason a soldier is watching, and asking the mayor to come. The scene concludes with Javert-narrator wondering from where he knows this man, finds it weird that this man does not show any interest in the prefect of police (excuse me what are you now, Javert, prefect, inspector, officer? I have lost the overview in this play), wonders if he has something to hide, himself, his face, his voice, a movement, his language....

a woman called Ducret approaches Madeleine, and tells her about one of the girls at the factory, that she has not spoken to ehr yet, but everything indicates that she has a child. Madeleine asks if she is a whore. He only does not want that his workers are captured by moral disintegration. Ducret then suggests to dismiss her. Madeleine trust upon her judgement, and says in this case she shall give her 50 francs and send her away. Ducret has a conversation with Fantine which starts with innocent smalltalk and ends with her being dismissed. 

basically Fantine is in a state of powerlessness and everyone wants money from her and threatens her.  (The Thenardiers, the landlord the renter of furniture, the letter writer...) Fantine breaks down.

a woman called Françoise who offers haircuts, wigs and teeth, buys Fantine's hair. 

Whores in front of the Thenardier's inn and apparently Mme T. is there too, singing (apparently not being a whore). and Javert and Bovet are there too, about how they are being more and more... Two guys called Rambone and Savioni are harassing Fantine who looks worse than the other whores, and Fantine defends herself  tries to kick one of them in the eggs ^^ When Javert comes the men disappear... 

Javert arrests Fantine and as a narrator he makes a comment in which he says very clearly what he thinks about her (I am not gonna repeat that here though), but basically she is very criminal and is treating good and honorful citizens of this town badly and this can not be tolerated. She breaks down and asks him for mercy because Cosette, you know, but of course Javert doesn't care. So she breaks down and coughs even more...

 Madeleine intervenes, Fantine attacks Madeleine, who only wants Javert to release her, but Fantine thinks Madeleine is responsable for all her misery and spits at him. Madeleine says he know what happened, the men are at fault and should be punished, not she. But she insulted the mayor. But the mayor says that this is his business and not the justice's. The whole Javert-Valjean argument about Law and who has what competences Fantine is free. Madeleine wants to pay her debts and bring her daughter back and make that she can live a worthy life again. Fantine faints, and Valjean says to the soldiers to bring her to the hospital

Fauchelevent's incident with the cart. Involves various inhabitants of the town called Toutou, Zidane, Josephine, Fabienne, and Rahel Javert is there too, and in the end of the chapter he is sure that Madeleine has to be 24601

Fantine is deadly ill, Madeleine wants to bring Cosette before she dies 

Javert demands to be dismissed, featuring detailed description by Javert on the points where he thought to have recognized Valjean (and reading this script in its entirety makes me realise mistakes that they didn't. For instance here he still stole from a boy (i.e. Petit Gervais and not Odette). Equally detailed description of the apple thief, and who recognized him as Valjean. Mention about the trial the next day. Madeleine says he can leave. Javert insists to be dismissed. Madeleine says, rather than dismissed he'd need to be promoted, he appreciates him as the dutifuly man of honor that he is. Javert has another monologue that how each time when he arrested someone and mercilessly judged him, he told himself "help me god that you will never stumble", And now he stumbled and needs to accuse himelf. It is about justice, the law asks for an example. Valjean just says we'll see. 

dreamlike sequence. Features different actors that represent the different voices in Valjean's head.

Bishop: tells him to go his way. And stand to his identity, to lie would be very wrong, he promised to do no wrong anymore.

Apple thief: blames him for making him his substitute, the one who needs to suffer in his place

Madeleine's self: is relieved that Javert is no longer going after him. Valjean no longer exists. This was god's will. God wants me to do more good here, to be an example for others, everything else is destiny. And for that I need to stay the mayor who gives food to the ppor and makes that the orphans get good education. He shall break the candlesticks as he shall break with the past. He shall forget about the bishop. And also this apple thief is a criminal, he shall be in prison.

Fantine: asks when she will finally see Cosette, he owes her a lot for all the injustice she has suffered because of him. She doesn't think the apple thief wil be a better person but he will be an example for her child. He shall save Cosette who is suffering because she is mistreated by the Thenardiers

Valjean wakes up and tells Arnaud to leave for Arras.

Image/Act 3

again no trial scene, just a summary of a very angry Javert who wants to go after Valjean NOW, as he humiliated him

Fantine dying. Javert confronting Valjean and making respectless remarks to both Valjean and Fantine. Valjean in turn accuses Javert of having killed Fantine. Valjean attacks Javert with a chair so that he can pay his last respect to the dead Fantine. Then says to Javert that now he is at his command. Javert makes another extremely unnecessary stupid comment. Valjean approaches Javert and stretches out his hands, as Javert wands to bond them, he knocks Javert down and escapes 

Valjean sees Cosette and wants to help her carry the bucket of water home to ther mother. Cosette says she has no mother, thinks she never had one, that she brought her and never picked her up again. Valjean asks if she lives alone. She says, almost, Monsieur and Madame are only beating her. Realizes she is Cosette, says he wants to stay in the inn for the night, she shall show her the way. They talk about the two other children, Popine and Zelma, who never have to work and have beautiful dolls, and always are allowed to play, while she has to work all day and is not allowed to play as the two other kids don't let her. Only sometimes she is allowed to play, when she is done. But she has nothing to play with. She once played with one of the dolls but then Madam beat her. But she has a small sabre of tin with which she dissects leaves and rainworms

Usual Thenardier-inn conversations, in particular the one about the missing bread, the lost money, that Valjean miraculously finds, Valjean buying the work she'd have to do,  (socks), he buys her a doll in a nearby shop, the whole negotiation about Cosette, including Thenardier insisting to see a passport. Valjean saying he doesn't have any, it is not required here. If he takes Cosette with him they won't know his name or his address, they will break down all the bridges behind them . However he has the letter of Fantine. They leave quickly.

Here the Thenardiers don't go after him, they just regret that they didn't make more money

another Javert-narrator monologue, about the dangerous criminal that escaped him and that now also has an innocent girl in his hands. He searched with 36 men and 6 dogs but he is like disappeared from this world. He felt so bad wehn he told the police minister about this development. But the latter did not seem to be that interested, talked about social misery, about shortcomings in the health system. Told him about the beggars, the neglected, from the small criminals who kill another man for bread, about big criminals who in hordes rob reputable citizens, he shall not chase a phantom. But our dear Javert is obsessed with said phantom and doesn't want him to escape. He wants to follow his trace until he has him on (no, not under) the guillotine. He is coming to Paris, not for the miserables, for whom he does not care that much, but for Valjean!

Image/Act 4

Gavroche singing a song about Paris in the time text, yet missing

a coin falls on the square (no idea from where), an entire bunch of poor children and teenagers fight upon it. Gavroche, the most streetwise/smart/crafty of them takes it, and escapes, the other children behind him, he gets caught by Javert, the other children disappear Javert treats him badly and takes the money away from him. When he asks Gavroche for his name, he asks Javert back, but he doesn't seem to be interested in reavealing his identity.  But then Gavroche tells him his name, because he told him that there are many like him. And he insists that he, gavroche is unique. So basically Javert recruits Gavroche to spy on the Café Musain "because there are things happening that are of big significance for the state and the city", and Gavroche says yes, because he gave him money. Javert wants to know who is there, what they speak about and what they intend to do.

The students and workers in the Café Musain discuss the situation and Javert spies on them. The people is agitated, one fears that there will be a revolution, a uprising of the miserables Grantaire (who is absent in an older version of the script) declares that he only wants to drink and forget about life, a stupid invention without purpose. Bahorel and Joly have a conversation about Bahorel's lover Feuilly talks about Roman Gods (apparently we now have a Jehan Feuilly or is that a Feuilly Prouvaire or whatever?) Grantaire has a monologue about what they consume in different cities, and harrasses the waitress. Courfeyrac doesn't want any kings anymore and does not like the charter, thinks she belongs to the fire. Enjolras comes in with Marius, presents the latter as a friend of his who want to join them. Marius is a republican and declares that he wants to fight for the republic with all his force, however he hopes it won't get that far that he'll need to give is life. But he prefers to do so rather than life under a tyran (suspicously similar to 2000 dialogue if you ask me) They sing the Marseillaise until Louison tells them to stop, because she does not want the police to shut down her pub. Yes, apparently she now is an innkeeper too.

Outside the café: chaingang. Valjean with Cosette watching. The conversation between the two that ends with Cosette saying "If one of them would cross my way, I think I would die... Dad, what are galleys?" Valjean wants to leave. Marius sees her and wants to follow her, but loses her in the crowd. Goes after Gavroche instead and handles him pretty rudely  (Sorry Marius, but this is not how you do it). Basically he tells him to find an angel. Gavroche then is just like "but does this angel have white wings?" Marius instead gives him a detailed description of Cosette and her goldbrown hair and white dress, and how velvet her look is and how silky smooth her lips ar and everything... 

They are back to the Musain Combeferre says all the workers have to swear that they go to the streets at the first alarm and fight Feuilly says he can be sure, they fight. But the students have to pave the way. We workers fight, and even if there are as many enemies, we'll fight Feuilly says they are 300 already (oukei, now I am really impressed) Bahorel is convinced that in 14 days they will be as strong as the government i.e. 25000 Bossuet declares he doesn't go to bed, he makes cartridges. Feuilly wants to fight. now. Enjolras says first they need to have weapons Courfeyrac insists that the soldiers do have weapons. Le Noir has the "either for the people or against the people speech" that is more or less an exact translation of the speech that one of the revolutionaries in the Faubourg has in the preparations chapter. Gavroche comes, announces Lamarque's death Combeferre: what? Lamarque? The courageous freedomfighter, our advocate? Now we have resist on our own! Away with the government! Feuilly: we overturn the government! To the barricades! Enjolras: it is about us! now its about everything! at his funeral - to the barricade!

Valjean and Cosette in the garden. They are considering to move again. Cosette: we are changing houses like we are changing names. Valjean is like "I know that must be weird for you, but one day you will understand". Valjean goes inside. Marius is with Cosette (Gavroche led him here, for money), lots of poetic blablabla, and <3<3<3, and you know, Marius shows her handkerchief and ask if it is hers, she says yes. In the end Valjean calls her. Says he keeps the handkerchief as a pledge 

The "Thenardier Gang" (yes that is how they are called nowadays) sets out to rob Valjean's house. Eponine tries everything that they don't. In the end she succeeds.. Claquesous blames not only her but also the sight of 2 fighting sparrows and a black cat during the day. Cosette tells Marius they are leaving for England and probably won't come back. Cosette says Marius he should follow them, but Marius says he has no money. He says e won't come tomorrow, only the day after, and also he dies if she leaves. Marius says they have to renounce on each other for 1 day, but maybe they'll win life. Marius tells her the address. or more precisely he graves it into the wall, says he lives with Courfeyrac. when he is gone, Valjean decides they need to leave immediately, he has seen people that don't please him and Paris is bubbling, they have no choice...

Image/Act 5 (named the revolution)

So basically Lamarque's funeral has already happened. And many of the poor have paid him their last respects. Then the subversive slogans suddenly caused the troops of the king to attack people. People are kinda angry and meet up in front of the Musain. Courfeyrac finds a group of workers who come from the funeral, but luckily have not been among those who were attacked by the dragoons (ah, they are not called dragons, good to know :)), but are very angry, Courfeyrac tells them to go inside they can use people like them. Bossuet speaks with a worker from another group, who has a grazing shot in the arm, but doesn't care, they discuss about their weapons Feuilly asks a working woman what she wants. She says: to fight. Show them up there that they push back against that. Feuilly approves. Another worker has no weapon but would fight if he had one. Bossuet tells him he should provide himself one. Worker sets out to pillage a armorer. Everyone in the crowd shares rumors about what happened, and the Thenardier and Claquesous are awaiting happy times. And Babet also. Extraordinary mention to Combeferre declaring this is the best day of his life. They start building a barricade and undercover Javert has made his appearance.

Eponine tells Marius Cosette has left, apparently without leaving a sign. Marius is heartbroken and wants to die on the barricade at any cost. Which again upsets Eponine because she loves him 

Inside Musain. Enjolras wants to know what is happening. Courfeyrac says the rumors are very contradictory and it is hard to tell what is truth and what is a lie. Lots of army, people is building barricades everywhere. Barricade is growing and more people are there. Gavroche comes over the barricade. Asks a worker who has the command. One who's called Enjolras. He wants to know if he is a general. Worker says no, the generals are on the other side. We are only brothers. Gavroche says Enjolras he wants to volunteer. Wants to send him to the ambulance. But Gavroche wants a gun. But Enjolras wants to arm first the men, then the women and only then the children. Gavroche leaves and comes back. Tells Courfeyrac and Enjolras there is a problem and draws their attention on Javert, and tells them how he offered him money to spy on them. For some reason he now knows his name. They arrest Javert  and by binding him on the post at the entrance they want to show a warning to anyone who dares to betray them 

they are awaiting the 1st attack Combeferre sees someone approaching. Enjolras says don't shoot, we know who it is. Bossuet says it's Gavroche. Gavroche wants his gun. who's there- french revolution. The whole Mabeuf thing except that they really present him as an ancient assemblyman who was "at the convent" (which is here not meant the place where nuns are, but the convention, which is apparently called convent in german for some reason). Javert gets another weird narrator-monologue where he denounces the stupidity of the students who throw their lives away and those of the workers because they always think you can change the world all of a sudden. And how they don't have a chance as badly equipped as they are against so many more well trained soldiers. That has to end badly. Either they die in the hail of bullets or "they are beheaded on the guillotine" (ok apparently this Javert has a guillotine obsession but doesn't know how such a thing works ) Javert goes back into the scenery where Joly reminds him that he will be next... The whole first attack plus Marius wants to blow the barricade up, and thus saves it, and asks for the leader, and Enjolras says its Marius. But all Marius wants is to be alone for a moment

Eponine dies and Marius discovers that Cosette still is in Paris 

they sing and women bring food, they reprepare the weapons, basically drink with me mode I guess... Marius writes his letter to Cosette and asks Gavroche to bring it. Gavroche doesn't want to miss the next attack and thinks he shall wait... Marius insists that he has to leave now, that they won't attack until tomorrow. And then it will be too late to go because all the streets are closed. Gavroche goes. 

It is night and they are trying to rest. One starts to sing the "Song of the Revolution (Musical)" and then the others join in. Combeferre and Gavroche come back. Gavroche has a bag of cartridges with him. Gavroche asks what is going on with them. Here no one sleeps anymore. The whole army of Paris is around etc. (basically what Enjolras says in the book divided between Gavroche and Combeferre) The whole we'll stay and build the barricade higher, conversation, and the uniform conversation, except it is reduced to the essential and Combeferre doesn't get to say anything, it is all Enjolras, in between Marius asks Gavroche who told him to come back. He says he delivered the letter "to the gatekeeper" Valjean comes with the 5th uniform, the 5 leave. Enjolras cares for Javert. Javert recognizes Valjean and says he's gonna have it easy now. Gavroche announces their arrival. A cannon is being heard, like it being rolled there. Cannon attack. 2 people die. Enjolras says this was a grapeshot, and that they needs to stop this cannon, i.e. that it needs to be "fireworker"'s turn. Gavroche says he takes that over. Before anyone can prevent him from doing so, he is up on the barricade and shooting. he hit his target, and is all excited and rejoicing about how he "blew out his lamp", that he evidently forgot that he is standying on a freaking barricade. This causes him to be also shot, of course, and he falls down dead right into the arms of Combeferre.

Enjolras says to all that the last one alive shall shoot the spy. Valjean asks Enjolras if he can crush this man's skull with his own hands, and since no one has objectsions he lets him. Final attack is announced by both Marius and horns. (yes another Hernani flashback for Autumn  ) . Everyone goes to the barricade Valjean and Javert alone. Valjean frees Javert with the mention of the promise he made to the bishop of Digne to never do anything unjust. And killing him because he did his duty as a policman here today, or because he followed him his entire life would be wrong. And if he against the expectance should make it out of here alive he can find him in Rue de l'homme armé. Javert says he hates this kind of games, he shall rather kill him. Valjean tells him to leave. He shoots in the air and goes back to the others where he says he is done. Heavy shooting happens. One after the other the defendants of the barricade die. Valjean does stay at the background and doesn't shoot on the soldiers, yet he supports the defendants of the barricade. he realizes that Marius was hit and falls from the barricade. Valjean goes to him. And whereever he looks there are just dying or dead "revoluzzers" (yes, this is the word he uses in the script, not revolutionaries or something like that). During the very last attack on the barricade he carries Marius away from the barricade and can escape with him  to the sewers. The soldiers pull the flags of the revolution out and plant the flag of the monarchy (whatever "the flag of the monarchy" may be)

Image/Act 6

We are in the sewers now. Barely conscious Valjean falls down on a sleeping Thenardier at the gate that leads out of the sewers who thinks he has made the great gain. and of course wants to steal from them. and comments this in a monologue this is observed by Javert. And of course now Thenardier is all about helping these people, if they aren't dead yet etc. Javert says him just to back off, calling him by his name. Thenardier insists to help, but he says he shall just leave. Valjean gets back his conscience and checks if Marius is still alive, wants to lift him up again, then sees Javert and lets him down again. But Javert just asked him if he needs help. Valjean says to Javert he hasn't given him the address , so that je can escape. Javert wants to know who that man is. And reminds Valjean what happened to those who were on the barricade. Valjean says he survives if he gets help quickly. He is a daredevil, an idealist, but a good person and he can do many good things yet for our country. Please let for once in your life reign mercy before law. Javert insists that he is dead Valjean says not yet. Insists that he needs to save Marius and then he says he'll come back They arrange a meeting at the same place at the same hour the next day.

Marius lies in the middle of the open square between Barricade and inn scenery. There is only the bed and Toussaint that cares ffor him and Cosette that is looking over him. Marius has a fever dream and is near death when they sees all the friends including Gavroche and eponing with the revolutionary flags and singing "The song of the barricade" climbing on the barricades. It is the german DYHTPS (Lied des Volkes), arranged kinda like the finale in the movie that came out notabene after this thing here. Basically Marius is convinced that they came to lead him to heaven, but in the end they get fainter again and in the end of the scene Marius is alive and awake  and with cosette.

Javert derailed made by Javert-narrator which linguistically resembles the confusion of Javert Valjean comes in in the middle of that and says "here I am" Javert halfway awakens from his trance, makes a step towards Valjean, holds his pistol agains Valjean for 2 seconds, then he turns around makes two steps back and holds it against his head. Light goes out. Shot. 

THE END.

[star-spangled-eyes]

Winner Take All: Part 12: The Date

This alternate universe fan fiction uses characters created and owned by Pixelberry Studios. Character names, descriptions and likenesses are owned by Pixelberry Studios. The MC, Bragnae Bennett, and story is created and owned by this author.

Book: The Royal Romance (Alternate Universe)

Alternate Universe Theme: Senior Year of College for Drake, Leo, Bragnae and Madeleine in the United States  

Pairing: Drake Walker x MC / Leo Reese x MC (Bragnae Bennett – *pronounced Brawn-yah)

Warnings for this series: NSFW, Adult content, suggestive and strong language, sex

Series Description: Bragnae Bennett sought adventure when she first went off to college. Now, navigating through her senior year, she finds herself befriending two gorgeous guys, Drake Walker and Leo Reese, who engage in a seemingly innocent bet with her during a game of pool that leads to a surprising threesome.

Their intimate evening prompts deeper feelings than they all expected to arise, and Bragnae is suddenly swept up in both of their charms, unique to each man himself. Through the pressures of college, work and maintaining a social life, which man will prevail and win Bragnae's heart?

Master List

A/N: Hi there! I want to apologize for the LONG delay! My business has taken off lately as well as I’ve felt less than well with a crohn’s flare up, so I couldn’t do much writing. This chapter is really important, and I didn’t want to rush it or just post it without really being happy with it. The chapter after this one will be the FINAL chapter in this series! I hope you enjoy this, and thank you so much for your patience in waiting to read it.

Warnings for this chapter: NSFW, Adult content, suggestive and strong language, sex

Word Count for this chapter: 8107 (it’s a long one, but I didn’t think you’d mind since there was such a long time gap since my last one)

Setting for this chapter: Drake and Bragnae have a chat after his hockey practice.  

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Part 12: The Date

“Great,” Drake said. “I’ll meet you out front in twenty minutes.”

“Sounds good.” Bragnae stepped away from the open door to the rink, so Drake could shut it again. Once the boards were secure, he offered her a flash of a smile before skating off in the opposite direction.

Bragnae made her way outside the complex towards the front entrance. Autumn was finally here. The air was cool and crisp with beautiful red, yellow and orange leaves starting to make their way off the trees. There was a concrete bench near the entrance, so she took a seat. She responded to a few texts, and flipped through her social media apps on her phone to fill the time.

True to his word, Drake walked out of the complex twenty minutes later. She looked up from her phone to see him sauntering towards her with an athletic duffle bag slung over his shoulder. Sliding the phone back in her purse, Bragnae stood up as he approached her.

“I’m going to throw this in my truck quickly, and then we can head over to a less crowded area. Wanna walk with me?”

“Sure.” They started down the paved path towards the parking lot. “So, I see you made team captain?” Bragnae remembered seeing a big “C” on Drake’s uniform earlier.

“Yeah. The guys voted on that. I guess they like me.” He kept his head facing forward as he responded.

“Can’t blame them for that.” She smiled in his direction, finally prompting him to look at her. The corner of his mouth lifted.

Drake opened the door to his truck and threw his hockey bag on the seat. After locking it back up, he turned to her and pointed to an area with trees and a few picnic tables. “Let’s go over there.”

The area was beautiful. Colorful leaves littered the ground, and there were three white tables with bench seating placed conveniently for visitors. Luckily, it seemed they had the area to themselves. Bragnae set her purse down on the bench and took a seat. Drake sat opposite her.

He looked at her for a moment before taking a deep breath. “Look, I’m sorry it’s been a while since we last spoke. I got really busy with school and hockey, and well, I just wasn’t ready yet.”

Bragnae dropped her gaze to her fidgeting fingers. “It wasn’t easy not hearing from you, but I understood you needed time to think about everything.” She brought her eyes up to his again. “I didn’t come here today to rush you into talking to me, though. I just… wanted to see you, and watch you play.”

“I’m glad you did. I’ve been wanting to call you, but I talked myself out of it every time.”

“Does that mean you don’t want to see me anymore?” Nervous butterflies fluttered in her stomach as she waited for his answer.

“Quite the opposite actually.” A wistful expression filled his face. “I’ve done a lot of thinking. I can’t exactly be upset that you have feelings for both of us. It makes sense. All of this started because we had that threesome.”

“Do you regret it?”

“I’d like to say I do, but if it wasn’t for that night, I might never have told you how I felt. I may never have even asked you out.” Drake sighed. “Have you seen Leo lately?”

“Just once. He said you punched him.”

“Yeah, well, he fucking deserved it… for more than one reason.” He averted his gaze for a moment. “I’ve missed you, Bragnae.”

“I’ve missed you, too.” Her voice was weighted down by the sadness she felt. “So, why did you talk yourself out of calling if you missed me?”

Drake worked his jaw in thought. His brow furrowed making his brown eyes look more intense. “I really like you, and I know you care about me. I want to be with you in the worst way, but if you want to be with me, then I want you to choose me for me. Not because I asked you out and treated you nicely after Leo ditched you. If you tell me that I’m the one, I want it to be because you want just me without anything standing in your way.”

“That’s fair,” she squeaked out.

Drake exhaled a harsh breath, shaking his head in frustration. He kept his eyes trained on the table. “So, I want you to be with Leo.”

“You want me to be with Leo?” Bragnae was shocked, but more so confused.

“Go out with him. Kiss him. Whatever you need to do to find out who you’re drawn to the most.” It looked as if it pained Drake to say it. “In my mind, it’s the only the way you’ll know for sure. I don’t want to hold you back if he’s who you really want to be with.”

She was stunned. “Drake, I don’t know what to say.”

He reached a hand out to cover hers. “This is why I didn’t want to call you. I was pushing it out as long as I could. I knew this was what needed to happen, and believe me, I hate to have to say it. But if you do this, and find that you still want to be with me, then I’ll know for certain that it’s me you want. And I’d rather have that than wonder if you’re still thinking about him as we move on in our relationship.” Squeezing her hand, he implored her. “Will you do this for me?”

The courage it took for him to have to offer up this suggestion blew her away. She felt so guilty for having put him through this, but there was a part of her that was curious about seeing Leo again with nothing holding her back. She didn’t feel right kissing or touching Leo when her relationship with Drake was up in the air, but now that he was giving her permission to explore the idea, it made her want to do it.

“Okay.” She watched as both relief and sadness crossed over his face. “I’m sorry that I’m putting you through this. I feel awful about it.”

“Thank you for saying that, but we’ll get it figured out.” He stood from the bench, prompting Bragnae to do the same. Drake walked over to her, gently grabbing her by the shoulders. “And in case it isn’t me who you choose…” He interrupted himself by drawing her into a tender, yet purposeful kiss that left her feeling lightheaded.

Whether or not it was his intention to persuade her decision with a final kiss, or just have one last chance to take her in that way, the strong connection they shared couldn’t be ignored. Anytime Drake touched her or pressed his lips against hers was earth shattering. And after two weeks of no contact, she missed him desperately.

When he pulled back, he cupped her face looking affectionately into her eyes. “I’ll look forward to hearing your decision.” Drake leaned in once more for a brief, sweet kiss.

Not knowing the words to say, she pulled him into an embrace, and luckily, he returned it. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

Later that day, Bragnae was a few hours into cleaning her apartment, thinking about what Drake said. The guilt she felt made her want to run back to Drake’s arms and tell him she didn’t need anyone else to make her decision, but she knew that was the wrong way to go about it. Even though she cared a lot about Drake, she knew she owed it to herself to experience a date with Leo, especially after everything they’d been through. If she didn’t take this opportunity, it might haunt her forever.

Peeling off her disposable gloves, Bragnae picked up her phone and called Leo. She was elated when he answered.

“Hello, Bragnae.” His voice was smooth and had a hint of heat to it that sent a shiver down her spine. “It’s been a while.”

“Hi, Leo. Yes, it has, and I’m sorry about that.”

“Don’t worry about it. You’re worth the wait. So, what’s up?”

She smiled. “Well, I was wondering if you’d like to go out with me sometime.”

He chuckled. “Like a date?”

“Yeah, like a date.” She bit her lower lip waiting for his response.

“Hell yeah, I’ll go out with you.” He said it as if she should have known the answer. “But let me handle the details, alright? When are you free?”

She twirled a lock of hair around her finger. “Um, I don’t work Wednesday. Does that fit your schedule?”

“Wednesday’s perfect. I’ll pick you up at your place at six o’clock. Sound good?”

Excited nerves filled her body. “Yes, sir. Can’t wait.”

“Great. See you then.”

Bragnae ended the call with an overwhelming sense of happiness surrounding her. That alone told her she needed to do this, and Wednesday couldn’t come soon enough.

~

There was plenty of time between classes and meeting Leo for Bragnae to finish all of her homework and get ready for the evening. She had showered, fixed her hair in long loose curls, and applied neutral tones of make-up to her face, save for the deep crimson lipstick. Not wanting her outfit to entirely scream sex, she found a long-sleeved, green sweater and paired it with black skinny jeans.

Even though she and Leo had been intimate before, she didn’t want this date to be focused around that, but still wanted to look nice. Stepping into a pair of black knee-high boots, she heard a knock at the front door. Bragnae grabbed her clutch for the evening, and answered it.

Leo stood before her in dark jeans and a plain black V-neck shirt. He wore a brown leather jacket over it adding to his smooth attitude, and his dirty blonde hair was styled in his charmingly messy way. She gave herself a moment to take him in before returning her gaze to his sparkling blue eyes. He leaned casually against the doorframe with his own debonair smile.

“Well, hello there.” His eyes remained on hers.

“Don’t you look nice,” she commented.

“Thank you. Not quite as nice as you, though.” With a warm grin, he presented a long-stemmed single flower from behind his back, holding it out to her. “For you.”

She gasped in surprise. “Leo, this is gorgeous. Is that a Calla Lily?” She accepted the magenta flower, bringing it up to her nose to smell.

“Yes, it is. I’ve always thought those were beautiful, and when I saw it today, I was reminded of you.”

Bragnae felt herself blush. “That’s so sweet. Thank you very much. Just let me put this in some water and then we can go.” Dashing off to the kitchen, she found a tall cup and filled it partially with water. She had a vase it would fit in, but she’d find it later. “Okay, ready?”

“Absolutely,” he replied as she shut the door to the apartment. “I hope you’re hungry. There’s a new Greek place I thought we could try out.”

Her mouth watered at the thought. “That sounds amazing. I love Greek food.” They headed to the complex’s parking lot, but instead of walking to his bike, Leo led Bragnae to a sleek, blue Ford Mustang with two thick, white stripes stretching the length of the car. “Oh, I thought we were taking your bike tonight. That’s why I wore pants this time,” she joked.

“I thought the Mustang would be more comfortable for you.” Leo took her hand and walked her over to the passenger side, opening her door. “After you.”

She smiled at him before stepping into the immaculately clean car. Even though his sports car was an older model, he kept it washed and free of clutter. She settled into the leather seats as Leo climbed in on the other side. As he turned the key, the engine immediately purred. Bragnae wasn’t into cars, but she could appreciate the thrilling and erotic growl of a sports car. And like the Mustang, she was turned on.

As Leo drove out of the parking lot and onto the street, Bragnae admired his stick shift handling. There was something about a man who knew how to drive a manual vehicle. It took patience to learn the extra skills, and it was sexy as hell to witness. She leaned back against her seat biting her lip as she watched Leo rest his wrist on the top of the steering wheel, while his other hand curled around the gear shift between them. He moved it with ease between the gears as he drove.

Leo must have felt her eyes on him, so he glanced her way. “Whatcha lookin’ at?” He smirked as he turned his attention back to the road.

“I’m just enjoying watching you drive. It’s hot.” She slid her hands down her thighs, feeling a tingle between her legs.

“Hotter than the bike? I remember you appreciating seeing me on it.” He continued to steal glances her way.

“Hmmmm,” she thought aloud. “That’s a tough choice. While you looked especially sexy straddling the bike, I think I'm partial to watching you shift gears seeing as I have a front row seat to the action. Then again, I was able to wrap my arms around your waist on the bike, and that’s proving to be a little more difficult here. So, really it’s a toss-up.”

As he pulled up to a stop light, he turned to look at her. “Good thing I have both then, huh?” Leo picked up her hand and let it drape over the stick shift before covering it with his own. The light turned green, and Leo moved the gear with her hand under his while he drove. When his hand relaxed between gears, his fingers playfully entwined with hers. She had to lean closer to the center console to keep her hand on the stick, but she didn’t mind. It was fun to let him include her this way.

Before long, they arrived at the restaurant. Being a Wednesday night, they were seated immediately. The Greek taverna was decorated in white and blue colors with a large mural of the Parthenon and the city of Athens. It was a smaller restaurant, but the atmosphere was inviting and warm.

They asked for two shots of Ouzo and placed their orders for an appetizer and a variety platter of Greek specialties to split.

“So, Bragnae,” Leo said as he stretched his arms beneath the table. “What made you want to ask me out tonight?”

She flashed a brief smile at him before straightening her posture. “Well, I had a talk with Drake last weekend.” She paused as the waitress brought over their Ouzo. Leo’s eyebrows perked up – she had his full attention. “He told me that I should go out with you.”

Leo drew back in surprise. “He did? Why would he say that?”

“It was actually very gracious of him. He wanted me to go out with you so I could figure out who I truly wanted to be with. For his sake and mine, he wanted me to explore this with you so I’d know for sure.”

“Oh,” he said, looking a bit disappointed.

Bragnae immediately rest a hand on his forearm. “I want you to know that this is something I wanted to do anyway, but having Drake’s permission made it easier. He’s given me the choice, and while I have feelings for him, I couldn’t ignore how I felt about you. And after everything, I really wanted to know what it was like to go out with you.” With a gentle squeeze of his arm, she looked deeply into his eyes. “I hope this doesn’t make you feel inferior in any way because that is definitely not how I see you.”

He took a moment to search her face before a soft smile lifted his mouth. “I don’t.”

“Good. And there���s no pressure to impress me tonight. You already have. I just want to enjoy this time with you.”

Leo looked down at his lap. “Actually, there is some pressure, but not from you.” He peered back up at her exhaling a deep breath. “I didn’t do it right last time. Everything I did when I took you to Inferno was solely in my own self-interests.

Bragnae made a disagreeable face. “No, it wasn’t.”

“Yes, it was – trust me. My goal that night was to sleep with you, and I made it so I could get to the finish line as quickly as possible.” He spoke with both regret and confidence. “I picked you up on my bike, not taking into consideration what you wore or even if you’d be comfortable on the back of a motorcycle. Then, I took you to a place I knew well, got us both in for free and led you straight to the bar to lower your inhibitions with alcohol. I didn’t even buy you dinner, Bragnae.” Leo shook his head at himself before continuing. “Then, we danced and I took you upstairs – a place I knew I could get you alone and seduce you.”

Her gaze fell to the table as her mind scanned through the memories of that night. “I don’t remember it that way.”

“That’s because I made it seem like it was all about you.” Leo averted his eyes again. “I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve learned techniques on how to make women feel comfortable and desired enough that they melt as soon as I touch them.” A remorseful expression filled his face as he looked at her again. “I knew I’d have you that night before we even left the bar to dance.”

Bragnae drew in an inaudible gasp, suddenly feeling uncomfortable in her own skin. She was embarrassed that she could be so easily manipulated that way and was apparently predictable. “You make yourself sound like some sort of predator.”

“I was.” Leo leaned toward her and covered her hand with his. “I’m not proud of it. And I’m not telling you this to remind you of why you should still hate me. I just wanted you to see how I used to do things, and how I’ll never do it again. You helped heal my past, Bragnae, but it hurt so badly knowing you wanted nothing to do with me. I could have turned it all around, but I let my fear of heartbreak get in the way. I really screwed things up.”

Turning her hand over, she stroked his palm before weaving her fingers with his as she spoke. “You worked really hard to unscrew it, though. I admired your persistence. In the back of my mind, I knew you were genuine about feeling bad, but I was still so mad and hurt from what you did that I didn’t want to see the good in you.” She stared at their joined hands in thought. The night at the club was where a lot of her deep feelings for Leo stemmed from.

Her eyes found his again. “Leo, do you think my feelings for you are real? Is it possible they aren’t since so much of that night was controlled to fit your agenda?”

He opened his mouth to reply, but then closed it while he considered her words. “I was able to seduce you, Bragnae, but it was still me. The things we talked about earlier that day, the connection we both felt that night… it was all me.” Leo swallowed. A hint of fear flashed in his eyes. “Did you like me before that night? Before the threesome even?”

“Yes, I did. I always thought you were funny, and I liked how you always brought me out of my comfort zone when we hung out.” She offered him a flirty grin. “Not to mention, I always found you devilishly handsome.”

Leo chuckled as his tense body relaxed. “Well, there ya go. I hope you can see your feelings for me are true.”

Taking a second to consider it all, she looked at him. “I do. I think I would’ve been able to see past them if they weren’t. It would’ve been so much easier to get over you had they been based on a lie.”

“I think so, too.” The corner of his mouth lifted as he reached for the shot glass on the table. “How about a toast?”

Bragnae picked hers up as well, and waited for him to speak.

“Here’s to acknowledging and forgiving the past,” he paused to look at her more fondly. “And to a fresh start, and hopefully a promising future.”

She smiled, clinking her glass against his before they both tossed the strong alcohol down their throats. Bragnae blew out a quick breath as the liquid burned on its way down.

The waitress dropped off their food a moment later, and as they tasted their way through Greece on a plate, Bragnae and Leo got to know each other more with real first date questions. It was very pleasant, and made her feel even more connected to him.

Later on after dinner, Leo brought them back to her place. Bragnae unlocked the door to her apartment, and stepped inside.

“Do you want to come in for some coffee or something?” She asked, not ready for the night to end.

Leo hesitated as his eyes raked down her body. “I better not. It’s a school night, young lady,” he said in a teasing tone.

She knew Leo was trying to make this better than the first time they went out, and she wanted to respect that. “Okay, then can I see you again soon when it’s not a school night?”

He smirked. “Friday or Saturday?”

“Friday. I’m off that night.” She lightly tugged on his shirt to bring him closer.

“I’ll make sure I am too.” Leo braced a hand on the open door, standing mere inches away from her.

“Great, then why don’t you come over here on Friday night, and this time, I’ll handle the details.” He nodded at her suggestion. “I had a really nice time with you tonight. Thank you for dinner.”

“Thank you for going out with me. It was nice to have a second chance.” Leo’s eyes dropped to her lips – his still curled up in a tempting grin.

His intoxicating scent delightfully overwhelmed her. It had been so long since they last kissed, and Bragnae was more than ready for it. She ran her hands up his chest until they reached the base of his neck. Pulling him towards her, she raised up on her toes to meet his soft, full lips. The kiss immediately sent a bolt of energy throughout her body. It was gentle and amazing, but it wasn’t enough. She pulled back just long enough to take a breath, and then went in for more.

Leo moved his body more squarely against hers, holding her face as he deepened the kiss. He groaned as his mouth hungrily feasted on hers. His tongue slid across her bottom lip before sinking into her. As her hands slipped down his body to cling to him more, Leo broke the kiss.

“Friday, then?” He asked, slightly out of breath.

Still reeling from the kiss, it was all she could do not to pull him back in. “Mmhmm. Friday.”

“Goodnight, Bragnae,” he said softly, gazing into her eyes.

“Goodnight.”

He gave her another desirous look before forcing himself away from her. Bragnae watched him until he was out of sight, and even then she felt breathless and weak in the knees. She finally shut the door, and walked to her bedroom. Plopping onto her bed, she stared at the ceiling with a fixed smile on her face. Leo was all that filled her mind, and she couldn’t wait for Friday to see him again.

~

The next day and a half went excruciatingly slow. As soon as Bragnae was out of class on Friday, she stopped at the grocery store to get a few snacks and beer for the night ahead. She told Leo to come over around seven o’clock for a game night, so she had a few hours left to shower and get the food ready.

After getting her hair and make-up just right, Bragnae set a game on the small and round kitchen table. She grabbed the vegetable and cheese and sausage trays out of the fridge, and displayed them on the counter. No sooner had she done that did she hear a knock at the door before it opened.

“Bragnae?” Leo asked as he slipped into the apartment.

She walked around a wall in the kitchen to the foyer to greet him. “Hey there.”

A bright smile appeared on his face as soon as he saw her. “Hi, beautiful.” Leo pulled her to him, connecting them both in a sensual kiss. Pleasant tingles collected between her legs while his lips and firm hands held her body to his. When he drew back, she had to ground herself again.

“Would you like a beer?” She asked.

“I’d love one.”

Bragnae went to the fridge and pulled out two bottles of beer, and removed their caps before handing one to him.

“So, what game are we playing tonight?” He asked, taking off his leather jacket.

“Yahtzee!” She said emphatically as she walked over to the table.

Leo laughed. “Alright, I like that game.” He took a drink from the bottle, and plunged a stick of celery into the dip before taking a bite.

They both plated some snacks before taking a seat at the table. Bragnae set out the dice, cup and their score sheets, and retrieved two pens for them. As Leo indulged in a piece of sausage between cheese and a cracker, she gave him a playful look.

“What are you planning over there?” He asked, chewing his food.

“What do you say we make this game interesting?”

He threw his head back chuckling. “I should have known. What are the stakes?”

“Not so much stakes as it is the way the game is played. I propose that we play strip Yahtzee.” She arched an eyebrow to accompany her smirk.

He smiled. “And what are the rules to this?”

“Well, if you roll the big ticket items like a three or four of a kind, a full house, or a small or large straight, the other person has to take off a piece of clothing of their choice.”

“And what if someone rolls a Yahtzee?” He asked, taking a swig of beer.

“The person who rolls a Yahtzee gets to choose which article of clothing comes off the other person.” She watched as Leo gave an appreciative nod to the rules. “So, what do you say? Are you up for it?” With Madeleine at work for the rest of the night, she knew they’d be able to have fun without any interruptions.

Leo looked at her with uncertainty. “I don’t know. Are you sure we should do this?”

Her confident expression fell when she realized he was still hung up on ‘making things right’. Normally, he’d jump all over an opportunity like that. “Look, Leo. I appreciate that you’re trying to be better this go around, but I don’t want you to have to change who you are. I know you want to have sex with me again.” She wet her lips, showing off a soft smile. “Honestly, that’s what I want, too. You’ve already proved that things are different now, but I don’t want you to walk on eggshells with me, and hide who you are or what you want just because you’re worried you’ll screw it up like before. I trust you. I know you won’t hurt me.”

After a moment of searching her face, Leo accepted what she had to say with a relieved sigh. “You saying that means a lot to me. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

A wicked smirk transformed his lips. “Well, on that note, I accept your challenge for Strip Yahtzee.” He leaned back in his chair with a new found arrogance about him. “You better say goodbye to those clothes because they’ll be flying off of you once I get my hands on those dice.”

“I love how cocky you can be. You’re on.” She smiled, passing him the cup of dice.

He shook his head. “Ladies first.”

Bragnae reclaimed the cup, giving it a good shake before scattering the five dice across the table. At the end of her third roll, she had only accumulated two of a kind, so she resigned to taking the two 1’s.

“Aww, too bad. My turn.” Leo grabbed the cup and spilled out three 6’s. He put the other two dice back, and rolled again. Another 6. “One more to go.” He shook the cup while smirking at her, then popped the last dice on the table. “Yahtzee!” He shouted as another 6 appeared before them.

Bragnae stared at the dice with her mouth open. “Already? My God!”

Leo folded his arms across his chest. “Oh, didn’t I mention it? I’m pretty good at this game. Go ahead and take off that shirt for me.”

Playfully narrowing her eyes at him, she reached for the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head. “This isn’t going to fluster you is it? As I recall from the game of pool that night you were very easily distracted by me.”

“Oh, no. Not this time. I’m even more determined for my prize, and we’re not quite there yet.” His eyes sparkled with excitement as they danced across her chest. She wore a black bra with rhinestones along the wire – one she specifically picked out knowing it would most likely be seen that night.

She reached for the cup of dice, giving it a healthy shake making her breasts do the same. Relishing in his attention, she spilled the dice on the table.

“Look at that! A small straight just for me.” Before marking her scoresheet, she cocked an eyebrow in his direction. “Take off something. Preferably your shirt.”

Leo fumble with his legs under the table, and reached down before bringing his shoe into view. “How’s that?”

“Your shoe? Really?” She didn’t hide her playful attitude.

He fumbled again. “Okay, I’ll give you both shoes.”

“Gee, thanks.” She rolled her eyes.

“You should go for those Yahtzees, and then you can dictate what comes off of me. Now, gimme those dice.” Leo scooped them up and took his turn. Astoundingly, he rolled an immediate Yahtzee. He threw his hands victoriously into the air. “Yes!”

“What?!” Bragnae asked in shock.

Leo leaned over to look under the table. “Oh, good. You’re not wearing shoes. Take off those pants.”

Bragnae still stared at his dice roll with a stunned expression. “How are you doing this? It’s a game of chance!”

He laughed. “Not when you have my skills. Go ahead, take ‘em off.”

Heaving a sigh, Bragnae stood from her chair and hooked her thumbs beneath the waistband of her leggings. Remembering how much he appreciated her backside, she turned away from him as she pushed down the spandex to reveal her bare skin covered only by the lacy fabric of her thong. Keeping her gaze on him over her shoulder, she watched his eyes widen with pleasure while a broad grin covered his face.

Leo blew out a low whistle while she removed the rest of the pants from her legs. “Looking good, sweetheart.”

What was a thrilling moment suddenly turned into an uncomfortable one. Bragnae winced at the generic pet name as she sat in her seat again.

“What’s that look for?” Leo asked. His brow now pinched with concern.

“You called me ‘sweetheart’.” Disappointment was evident in her eyes.

Confusion spread across his face. “Yeah… what’s wrong with that?”

“Did you mean it or is it just something you say?” Sitting there in only her bra and panties was not what was making her feel vulnerable in the conversation.

“Of course I meant it. Why would you question that?” Leo sat forward with intent to listen.

Bragnae took a deep breath and looked at him meekly. “I had a serious boyfriend once who used to use all of those pet names, and I loved it. I really felt like I was in a grown-up, caring relationship.” She looked down at her lap to muster the courage to finish her story. “Then, I found out that my boyfriend was seeing two other women apart from me. And he was using those generic nicknames so he wouldn’t use the wrong name when he was with each of us.”

Leo gave her a sympathetic look as he reached over to cover her hand with his. “I’m sorry that happened to you. That guy was clearly a greedy asshole who didn’t appreciate what he had.” He squeezed her hand gently to get her attention back on him. “When I say it, it’s a term of endearment. I’ve always been the type of guy who enjoys saying those things, but it’s never been because I think I’m going to slip up and call you a different name. When I say it, it comes from my heart.”

She could hear the sincerity in his voice, and realized she was being unfair by assigning baggage from a past relationship to Leo even though he didn’t deserve it.

“And Bragnae, there’s no one else. I haven’t even thought about being with another woman since we were together that night. Even though I tried to push you away from me, I knew what I felt with you was strong and deep, and I couldn’t deny it.”

Laying her other hand on top of his, she gave him an apologetic look. “I’m sorry I assumed you were doing the same thing. When we went out to the club, I enjoyed hearing you call me those things. I thought it was a good time to move on from what my ex did. But then…”

“But then,” Leo stepped in to finish her sentence. “I made you feel cheap and unwanted – ruining those pet names for you again. I can’t blame you for thinking that you meant nothing to me. But it’s actually quite the opposite.” He poured his heart into her as his eyes searched hers. “If you prefer that I not call you those things, I won’t.”

“No,” she protested. “It sounds wonderful when you say them, especially knowing what I know now.”

“Okay,” he smiled. Leo brought her hand to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on her skin. “I’m glad we talked about this. I don’t want anything standing in our way.”

“Me neither.” The words flowed out of her naturally. It felt so wonderful being open with Leo about this, and instantly felt closer to him.

He slid the cup of dice in her direction. “It’s your turn. Better make this roll count. You are literally hanging on by a few threads over there.” He smirked while admiring what he could see of her above the table.

Bragnae took the cup and shook it a few times, silently praying for five of a kind to appear. She sprawled the dice on the table to find her prayer was answered. “Hell yes! Yahtzee!” She clapped her hands excitedly. “Okay, mister! Take off that shirt!”

Leo laughed at her emphatic display as he stood to remove his t-shirt. Bragnae watched as the fabric lifted to reveal his taut abs and defined pecs. His body was beautifully sculpted.

“I’m very happy right now.” She beamed at him as she drank in the sight of him.

“Not as happy as I’m about to be,” he said, grabbing the dice. Leo shook the cup, and spilled them onto the table. “Three 4’s. I’m going for that Yahtzee.” He replaced the other two dice, and shook them again. Out came two more 4’s. Leo placed the cup down hard on the table and sat back with his arms folded across his chest. A big, cocky grin lit up his face.

Bragnae’s mouth dropped open. “Oh my God! How is that possible?”

He chuckled. “I told you. I mean business.”

Sighing, Bragnae shook her head. “Okay, which one do you want?” With only two pieces of clothing left on her, his choices were limited, but tempting nonetheless.

Leo looked at her for another moment with a triumphant smile on his face, and then leaned over to look at his score sheet. “Well, since I’ve pretty much annihilated you with my score, I should probably put you out of your misery.” He stood from his chair, and knelt in front of her. “I’m going to need those panties, but since I’m such a good sportsman, I’ll take them off of you myself.”

She smiled as he ran his smooth hands up her legs until he reached the straps of her thong. As he pulled the lace down her skin, she lifted slightly in her seat to help him. Leo kept his eyes on his task as he lifted each of her legs to clear the panties completely.

“You know, there’s a prize for second place,” he told her, returning his gaze to hers.

“And what is it?”

“A kiss. Would you settle for that?” A certain heat burned in his eyes making her tingle with anticipation.

“Absolutely.”

Smiling, Leo moved closer to her, wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her lower half forward in the seat. She was slouched in the chair comfortably as she watched him gently widen her legs.

Leo picked up her ankles and placed them over his shoulders before cupping her hips with his hands. He laid soft kisses on her inner thigh causing her to squirm with need. And then she felt his tongue draw a sensual line from her silky entrance to her throbbing clit. A moan immediately escaped her as her eyes fluttered closed.

Leo paid extra attention to her sensitive skin as he continued flicking his tongue against her clit at a rapid pace. The warmth in her loins climbed as she concentrated on the precise movements of his tongue hitting the right spot. As one hand gripped his sandy blonde hair, the other crinkled the Yahtzee score sheet while he brought her closer to the edge.

He sucked her swollen bud into his mouth letting his tongue meet her skin again. Bragnae’s head hung over the back of the chair as whimpering moans left her body. His mouth dropped to tease her entrance before returning to the place that would unlock the incredible release she sought. Leo licked with intention for another moment rendering her tense with anticipation.

Bragnae’s breath caught in her throat as Leo’s consistent effort made her come. She writhed and screamed. Grasping for something to hold as the pleasure overwhelmed her, Bragnae swiped the game’s contents onto the floor. As her screams subsided, Leo drew back slowly, kissing the inside of her thighs once more. Her long black hair hung like a waterfall over the back of the chair.

“Wow,” she said breathlessly. Bragnae slowly picked her head up so her eyes could meet his. “That was incredible.”

Leo smiled up at her. “That was just the opening act. There’s much more to come.”

Bragnae sat up and pulled Leo’s lips to hers. “Stand up,” she whispered when she broke the kiss. He did as she requested while Bragnae worked on unbuckling his belt, and then his jeans. Sliding both his boxers and pants down, she sprung free his giant erection that stood eye level with her. Her eyes darkened at the sight of him. She wanted to touch him, wrap her fingers around him, take him in her mouth. She wanted to feel him inside of her again. His glorious cock was the key to her undoing, and she was ready for it.

Encircling her fingers around the base of his shaft, she stroked her hand up to his engorged tip as she watched him take a shuddering breath. His crystal blue eyes appeared like the midnight sky as he looked down at her with desire. She used her other hand to pull his hips toward her as she allowed her mouth to consume his length. Tightening her lips around his steel-hard cock, Bragnae moved against him letting her tongue glide over his most sensitive area.

Leo braced his hands on the back of her chair, exhaling a groan. “You’re going to need to stop, Bragnae.” He waited for her to detach herself from him before lifting her to her feet. “You are really good at that, but I want to do this the right way.” Before she could respond, Leo hoisted Bragnae up by her thighs. She looped her arms around his neck sinking her lips against his.

“I want you so bad, Leo,” she said, staring at his full lips.

Leo started walking towards her bedroom. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’m going to give you what you want.” In between kisses, he was able to navigate them to her room where he sat on the bed, keeping Bragnae on top of him.

Bragnae readjusted so her primed clit sat against his hard-on. The anticipation was overwhelming. She hadn’t realized how much she wanted to be with him again since the night they were together until it was staring at her in the face.

Leo brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes. “Last time we did this, it was so cheap – on a couch in a public place. You deserve better than that.”

This was interesting. Up until Leo explained his perspective more thoroughly from the night at Inferno, she had enjoyed her time with him then. Yes, they were on a couch in a private room above a night club, but he had made her feel wanted and special. Now was their chance to make up for that night, but it wasn’t just for Bragnae’s sake. Leo didn’t allow himself to have the passionate and caring sex they both craved that night due to his past, but tonight would be different. He was finally free of the hold his ex’s past actions had over him, so he could truly enjoy what sex was meant to be between two people who cared about each other.

Bragnae framed his face, looking deeply into his eyes. “You deserve better than that, too. You’ve let go of your past and the protective wall that made sex meaningless for you since then. It’s time for you to really indulge in it… with me.”

“I’m dying to,” he replied in a desperate, hoarse whisper.

Their mouths connected in a deep, wanting kiss that was full of emotion. They held each other tightly – their chests pressed against one another. Leo’s fingers found the clasp of her bra, and freed her of it with a quick pinch of the fabric. After slipping her arms out of the straps, Bragnae grinded her hips against his throbbing cock making them both shudder.

She captured his lips once more, drawing back slowly while she raised up on her knees to hover over him. His eyes followed hers as she began to ease herself onto his stiff cock. A trembling gasp left her as Leo’s length filled her up.

Groaning, Leo closed his eyes in relief. “You feel so good.” After another savoring moment, his eyes shot open with concern. “Shit, I forgot to put on a condom.”

“It’s okay,” she dismissed quickly. Her hips rolled up and down his length as she barely managed to speak. “I’ve got that covered,” she told him, knowing she consistently took her birth control pills. The passion and excitement of the moment disallowed her from delving deeper into an explanation. Leo accepted her response hastily as he too was caught up in the pleasing gyration of her hips above him.

Bragnae pressed her palm into Leo’s shoulder to guide him down to the mattress. She followed after him with a tender-locking kiss. His hands slid down her back and onto her ass where he cupped and squeezed her skin helping to move her with him. She placed her hands on the bed, propping herself up. Looking down at his handsome face, Bragnae increased her pace feeling every inch of him slide in and out of her.

“Leo,” she moaned before biting her bottom lip. His cock was warm and firm inside her beckoning the pleasure that lay just beyond a sensual door. He was already knocking, and all he needed to do was open it for her. “Ohmigod.”

“You’re too far away. I need you closer,” he said, arching his neck so he could meet her with a searing kiss. Their uneven mouths moved against one another as gasps and moans filled the spaces between. Leo pulled her down with him, so they were both horizontal again. Bragnae kept her speed consistent, feeling the bliss grow inside.

As Leo hungrily devoured her lips, his hands squeezed her backside. While one kept a handful of her cheek, the other started to massage her puckered skin. The additional stimulation prompted an agreeable moan from Bragnae. And then, one of his fingers slipped inside her back door. She gasped surprisingly, breaking their kiss.

He slowly moved his finger back and forth watching her reaction. She already knew what it felt like to be penetrated by two men at once, and she remembered enjoying it. This was not exactly the same caliber of tools, but it was certainly a welcomed experience.

“How’s that feel, baby?” He asked, sliding his entire finger inside her. There was a warm, delightful pressure that filled her, which was different than what his dick was making her feel. The two combined made her mind spiral in many directions knowing an epic orgasm was about to release.

“Fucking great,” she sputtered out in a breathy tone before burying her face in the crevice of his neck. Leo kept his finger in place and moved her hips back and forth. She gripped the blanket on the bed and squeezed his shoulder as an explosive pleasure filled her body. She called to God over and over as new bursts of ecstasy rained down on her with Leo’s consistent efforts.

“Oh, Bragnae, you’re squeezing the shit out of my cock. I’m gonna to come.” Leo’s breathing grew ragged as he moved her faster against him.

Bragnae recovered enough to meet his gaze and use her own strength to move their bodies together. She watched as his mouth dropped open, and a fire blazed in the depths of his eyes. His body tensed as a low, satisfying groan rumbled in his throat, then he exhaled a few sharp breaths before letting himself completely relax. Bragnae sweetly kissed his neck and jaw giving him a few moments to regain his composure.

“Holy shit,” he said breathlessly before rolling Bragnae onto her back. “That was fucking awesome.” He smirked before diving down to seize her lips.

She giggled. “It sure the hell was.”

“I can’t remember the last time it felt that good.” His expression was more serious now. “I mean, besides the first time we were really together. But this was much better.” His eyes never left hers as he hovered above her.

“I feel the same way.” The single lamp that was on in her room offered a soft, amber glow against the rigid lines of his body. Looking up at him, she saw an intensity of affection that poured out of his eyes – similar to the moment after they came the first time they slept together. But there was something more this time.

Leo dipped down to place a few soft kisses on her chest. She ran her fingers through his feathery hair, enjoying the tender moment. When his eyes found hers again, they were relaxed, peaceful – loving even. “Can I stay the night?”

His question pleasantly surprised her. Even though she knew he had changed, this was a drastically different ending than the first time they had sex when he couldn’t get away from her quick enough. Looking back on the threesome and even the time she slept with Drake, none of those times ended in a cuddle session or anyone spending the night. This was a treat in and of itself.

“I’d love for you to stay.” The corners of her mouth lifted into a gentle smile, which he returned before sinking against her in a deep and warm embrace.

[flowerpowell]

Unexpected (Drake x MC)

PART FIVE

A/N: Another chapter within two/three days? Who is she? I reallyyy hope I can update this series frequently but life’s kinda busy so we’ll see how I’ll do. I hope you’ll enjoy it! Feedback is always very appreciated! Characters belong to Pixelberry.

Rating: PG

Word count: 1811

Tagging: @gardeningourmet​ @delightfullypinkglitter​ @hopefulmoonobject​ @akrenich​ @blackcatkita​ @cora-nova @client-327​ @desiree---1986​ @jlpplays1​ @dcbbw​ @kingliam2019​ @the-soot-sprite​ @mskaneko​ @thequeenofcronuts​ @dr-ethanjramsey​ @missameliep​ @maxattack-powell​ @badchoicesposts​ @mymandrake​ @butindeed​ @burnsoslow​ @annekebbphotography​ @alesana45​ @addictedtodrakefanfic​ @walkerduchess​ @ao719​ @texaskitten30​ @lodberg​ @cordonianroyalty​ @emichelle​ @siriusxxvideos​ @i-bloody-love-drake-walker​ @samihatuli​ @choices-lurker​ @i-miss-trr​ @of-course-went-to-hartfeld @nikkis1983​ @innerpostmentality​ @msjr0119​ @bascmve01​ @mind-reader1​ @edgiestwinter​ @drakesensworld​ @queenjilian​ @princessleac1​ @saivilo​ ♥

“Ummm,” Riley hesitated, “could you repeat the name of that drink again because I don’t think I heard it right?”

“I didn’t ask for a drink, I asked you to marry me,” Drake repeated slightly embarrassed he had to ask her again.

“Right. Okay, bye,” she turned and started walking away. Drake grabbed her arm and lead her to a table in the back of the bar.

“Didn’t you hear what I just said?”

“I did and I decided to ignore it. It’s clearly a joke,” she shrugged.

Oh boy, this is embarrassing. I hate Liam.

“It’s not, listen--”

“Drake, listen,” she took his hand and he frowned. “I hate to break it to you, but I kinda hate you. I don’t know if you’re saying this because of a stupid bet you made or because you are drunk but I will never marry you, okay?”

Drake took his hand from her and rolled his eyes.

“Jeez, I’m not asking you to marry me for real! I don’t even like you. I am forced to do it.”

“You’re forced to marry me? Are you drunk? Because if you are, I am not serving you any whiskey tonight.”

“I am not!” he sighed. “Let me explain, ‘kay?”

“Yeah?”

“My sister and her husband went missing some time ago and they’re cosidered to be dead.”

“I’ve heard about that and I’m really sorry. I met them once and they seemed to be great people,” Riley smiled at him reassuringly, still confused what his point was.

“Now Bartie, their son, needs someone to take care of him. I had a deal with Bartie’s grandfather that we would take care of him in turns but he just filed for a full custody. He is an awful man and I can’t let him take Bartie, especially that his new wife is a witch. So I need to win the custody case somehow,” he finished and looked at Riley. She seemed unimpressed.

“Umm, okay. Good luck! Go for it? I still don’t understand why you asked me to marry you?”

“Because it’s gonna be nearly impossible to win the case when I’m unmarried.”

“Ohh, I get it now. Ugh, that sucks,” Riley nodded and patted him on the back.

“So... what do you say?”

“Well, I am very sorry for you, like, very sorry, but no way. I’m not marrying a guy I hate, no offence. I wish you all the best but I’m not doing that.”

“This is going to be a fake marriage! Liam, the King, will annul it a few weeks later, I promise! It’s just so I can take Bartie. This is what my sister would want. Trust me, it’s far from an ideal situation for me too.”

“Listen, I’m sorry but no. Find someone else who can pretend to be your wife but that’s not gonna be me.” Riley stood up, ready to end the conversation when Drake spoke again.

“Why are you here?”

She turned to him, confused. “Hmm?”

“Why are you here, in Cordonia? I saw your CV, you’re from the U.S., you have a college degree, you  had a job, what are you doing here, working in a bar in a small European country?”

“I don’t see how’s that any of your business?” Riley answered calmly but Drake could see she tensed.

“It is, it’s my bar after all,” he raised an eyebrow and she sat back down.

“Change of plans,” she shrugged, “there’s no story. It’s just a dream I had and I decided to go for it.”

“Dream? To work in a Cordonian bar?”

“Well, no, I mean, kinda...”

“Well?” He asked and she sighed.

“I always wanted to have my own place. Restaurant, cafeteria, bar, whatever. My grandma was a great cook and she left me all her handwritten receipe books. I always dreamed of opening my place and serve everything she taught me. America is full of places like this so I wanted to try Europe and... that’s kind of how I found an American bar in Cordonia. It also helps that I’m far away from my overprotective parents,” she laughed but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“So you came here to take over my bar?”

“No! No!” her eyes widened, “I just wanted to gain more experience. Find out more about Cordonian cuisine. Find places without many restaurants,” she explained as Drake remained silent. He was thinking about something and Riley was chewing her lower lip wondering if she said something that would make Drake fire her. Finally, after a minute or two, he finally spoke.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” She was confused. Was he firing her or...?

“Okay. I’ll give you the bar, it’s gonna belong to you and you can do whatever you want with it if you agree to fake-marry me.”

Riley’s eyes widened in shock. “What?”

“You heard me. This bar for a few months of pretending we’re married.”

“You’re crazy,” she murmured. At that moment, all her dreams seemed more real than ever. She almost heard her grandma’s voice to take the chance. But was it worth it if she had to pretend to be in love with a man she hated so much? He was good looking, yes, but too annoying. Would she have to kiss him on their fake wedding ceremony? Ugh, she hoped no. Would they--

“You’re drooling,” Drake interrupted her thinking.

“I am not!” She said but instinctively wiped her mouth.

“So... what’s the verdict?”

She looked around the bar, a place that could be hers in just one word, all of her dreams coming true (after she would survive her nightmare) and she thought that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. She could always make his life so miserable that he would divorce her sooner. And if that wouldn’t work, she could always kill him, right?

“Well, Mr Walker, you got yourself a deal.”

~~~~

The wedding was scheduled for a week after their conversation. Drake said he would handle everything and they hadn’t seen each other since that day. The only people who knew that the marriage was going to be fake was Drake, Riley and Liam.

Maxwell got nearly a heart attack when he was informed about Drake’s wedding but he was happy for his friend. Olivia didn’t believe Drake was actually getting married and she tried to start a bet that Drake was only joking. Madeleine and Barthelemy were clearly not happy about it but they congratulated him and promised to come to the wedding. Drake noticed how Madeleine whispered something to Kiara, angrily gesticulating, and he was proud that he ruined her plan, whatever it was.

“It’s a bit strange, I’ve never seen you with her. In fact, it’s strange she’s not here with you today,” Madeleine smiled at him when she approached him with Kiara beside her.

“She’s not interested in being around Nobles. Besides, she’s getting ready for the wedding.”

“And, as I presume, moving, right?” she asked sweetly and Drake almost spit out his drink. He had completely forgotten they would have to live together.

“Yes, we’ll be living in my cabin. She loved it there ever since she first visited me, the day we met,” he answered not even having to lie too much.

“Hmpf,” was all Madeleine said before abruptly walking away, Kiara sending one last glare towards Drake.

He quickly pulled out his phone and messaged Riley, “I hope you’re all packed to move into my cabin. Don’t worry, the guest room is ready”

The answer came a few seconds later:

“I’m not moving to your dumpster. I’ll stay in the bar.”

Drake rolled his eyes as he typed, “Everything is clean and neatly organized just for you. Besides, that’s a part of our deal.”

He smiled at the reply that came five seconds later. “I hate you.”

~~~~

“Ugh,” Riley groaned, throwing her phone on the table. She forgot she’d have to actually live with Drake under one roof.

“Whoaa, someone’s in a bad mood! What happened?” the bartender asked but she just shook her head.

“Nothing. I need to pack my stuff, I’ll be moving out of our apartement tomorrow.”

“What? Why? Are you going back to America?”

“Worse,” she sighed, “I’m getting married.”

“Now, whaaat?!” her friend asked and she realized she never really told him anything.

“Yeah, to Drake. I’m sorry I forgot to mention it to--”

“Now HOLD UP. The last time we talked about him you hated him. I knew you were lying! I knew you liked him! I saw it in your eyes, I knew it!”

“Umm, yeah. I was totally lying,” I was totally not lying. I hate Drake even more now.

“Good catch, R! I’m sure your wedding day will be beautiful and your wedding night even better,” he winked at her and she felt sick.

“Please stop, I’m going to throw up.”

“No way!!!”

“What?” She was confused now.

“Now I get it! The wedding so soon, you feeling sick... You’re pregnant, oh my gosh!!!”

“No, please, no!!! I am not, listen--” her eyes widened in horror as her friend hugged her.

“It’s okay, I won’t tell anyone! I’m so happy for you, girl! I’ll help you with moving out, you probably shouldn’t be carrying these heavy boxes by yourself now.”

“Seriously, it’s not like that, I--”

“Josh!!!” The bartender called out seeing the manager walking out of his office. “Riley is getting married! And she has a little bun in the oven,” he added quietly as the manager’s eyes went wide.

“I was aware of your marriage to Drake but I had no idea you two were already expecting. My sincere congratulations, to both of you.”

“Wait, no, I am not pregnant!”

“It’s okay, you can still work here until you don’t feel like it anymore,” Josh patted her on the back and left the bar before Riley could say anything else.

“Why does no one believe me?” she asked but her friend was already behind the bar making a drink. A few minutes later she got a message from Drake.

“Why is your manager congratulating me on having a baby? Am I missing something?”

She sighed as she typed, “It’s a long story.”

“Anyway. The wedding’s tomorrow at 6. Don’t be late.”

She sighed again as she shoved her phone back to the bag.  She now wasn’t sure if she just made the biggest mistake of her life or not but it was too late to back out now.

The die was cast.

[msjr0119]

We Belong

Part 6

Evangeline Bruley returns to Cordonia to take over her families Duchy. She was betrothed to the now King, however he is engaged to Duchess Riley but still has lingering feelings towards his first love. What will happen during her time back in Cordonia?

Just using combined tag list, if you want to be removed let me know 😊

@pedudley @kacie-0156 @loveellamae @annekebbphotography @burnsoslow @ladyangel70 @kingliam2019 @bbrandy2002 @butindeed @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @captain-kingliamsqueen @duchessemersynwalker @insideamirage @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @kozabaji @texaskitten30 @ibldw-main @kimmiedoo5 @nikkis1983 @gnatbrain @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @addictedtodrakefanfic @angi15h @liamxs-world @rafasgirl23415 @notoriouscs @yukinagato2012 @dcbbw @qammh-blog @nz1091 @cordonianroyalty @custaroonie @seriouslybadchoices @rainbowsinthestorm @princess-geek @jared2612 @desiree-0816 @gardeningourmet @twinkle-320 @queenjilian @forthebrokenheartedthings-blog @princessleac1 @scarletreesex

Warnings: Swearing

*****

Do you know what your lover and the king did the night of the Valtoria lantern festival? They are both lying to you and Riley. Let’s hope you don’t become pregnant, like poor Riley- you can still escape. From an old friend x

Evie could feel her breathing increase, uncontrollably- her hand shaking as she kept re-reading the text, trying to comprehend what it meant. Quickly screenshoting it, she immediately deleted the evidence- deciding to put it to the back of her mind for now. Drake returned to her, playing Florence nightingale seeing to her injuries- not that he needed to, but he wanted to.

“Did you mean what you said?” Drake asked hesitantly, expecting that it just had been a spur of the moment thing.

“Yes.” Not sounding very confident, Drake had an inkling that she didn’t mean it- that maybe she felt the need to say it as he told her first. “Drake? What’s up?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I’d only lie to protect you.” Evie’s mind started thinking back to the mysterious text. “But it’s nothing. I just ... I don’t know what our relationship is... are we just friends? Friends with benefits? I just feel like you said it because I said it first.”

“Drake... we are friends. We’ve been friends for years. We grew up together... but now...”

“Now?”

“Now, due to Olivia’s meddling... I’ve realised that you’ve been here all along. I’ve realised that these feelings have been probably been here all along- hidden. Since I came back, you’ve always had my back and..” Focusing her gaze on to him, cupping his cheeks- she looked at him with sincerity.

“And I’ve fallen in love with you.” Drake searched her eyes for reassurance that she was being sincere, not knowing if he had heard her correctly.

“Evangeline Grace Bruley, I love you.”

“How do you know my middle name?”

“I told you, I may have been in the shadows as we grew up- but I know everything about you.”

“Okay then smarty pants, what’s my favourite colour?”

“Violet.” Lucky guess.

“One point to you, what was my dream job if I wasn’t noble?”

“Lawyer, hence why you did politics and law at university.” Again lucky guess. It could have swung either way. That smirk. I need to wipe that smug look off that gorgeous face.

“What’s my favourite movie?”

“You was a sucker for titanic when we was younger- I never understood why you and Maxwell would go through a box of Kleenex. Your favourite Disney film is beauty and the beast.” And I know why, because you are beautiful like Belle -to most people I’m probably the beast in this scenario.

“Fuck.” Drake couldn’t wipe the smug expression off his face, knowing this time that he was in fact the intelligent one. Wishing she had chosen more complicated questions, her mind wondered about how much more he knew about her.

“I take notice in people who I’m interested in Evie. I know you want to have two children, one boy and one girl- you want to call the girl Grace to have some link to you, and the boy Thomas- Tommy for short.”

“How can you remember me saying that? I mentioned that years ago, when Maxwell asked us about our future wishes.”

“Mainly because you was due to marry Liam, and his face grimaced at the name choices. Then when Maxwell asked him I recall him saying ‘I wish that Leo doesn’t fuck up Cordonia.’ Bet he wished that he could foresee what the future was actually going to look like.”

“What a dick. Good job I got out of that marriage arrangement then, or our heirs would have been nameless. ‘At least I can marry for love’ he also said, acting all smug.” Both laughing at the memory, she also remembered that Drake refused to answer the question when it was his turn. Intrigued as to what it was, she wasn’t going to ask him- he always had his guards up- maybe in time he would tell her if she was to mention it to him.

“So what are we doing for the rest of the day?”

“We are going to the palace.”

“I’ve just come from there.”

“I need to talk to Riley, there’s lots to talk about due to the upcoming wedding.” Good excuse Evie. “You’d never hurt me would you Drake?”

“Never.”

“I don’t want this relationship to begin on lies... I want us to be honest with each other, open.”

“Relationship to begin?” As in dating?

“When a very handsome rugged commoner and a Duchess cross that friend zone... they become an official couple.”

“You want us to be official?” Evie nodded, he could swear that he saw her eyes sparkle. “Lina, will you be my girlfriend?”

“You already know the answer, I kind of instigated it. I swear if you’re lying to me about anything Drake, you know who my best friend is. I love you.” Drake gulped, as he pulled her in for a hug. “I love you Evie, go and get ready. I’ll let Liam know we are on our way in case he’s in a meeting.”

Liam we need to tell the girls the truth now. I’m not losing Evie. We are coming to the palace- she said she needed to talk to Riley. Olivia may as well be included- Bastiens probably told her anyway.

*****

Coming up to the palace with Drake. We need to talk ASAP! Evie x

Riley paced up and down the hallway waiting for Liam to finish his meeting. He hadn’t been himself for the last week- and she was paranoid that Evie had let slip her secret, but he was waiting for her to come to him first.

“Hello, what are you doing? Are you okay?”

“I need to tell you something. Evie is coming with Drake but I need to tell you before.” I need to tell you something too. Guiding her to their quarters, Riley sat down on the edge of the bed- fidgeting she had hoped that he wouldn’t berate her from keeping this secret hidden.

“Erm, so. You remember the day that Evie returned and I was in a foul mood- you all assumed it was due to her....”

“It was wasn’t it?”

“Liam, the reason she took that beating- put herself in that danger.....”

“Riley. What is it?” Hearing his stern tone of voice, made her jump- never hearing him speak to her in this way, she knew it was now or never.

“I wanted to surprise you on our wedding night. You’ve done everything for me, you’ve given me everything. I wanted to give you something for a change. But she figured me out.... she protected me and our child. I’m pregnant.”

“You was drinking in Vegas.”

“No I wasn’t. Evie was buying me ‘vodka and lemonade’ without the vodka.” Placing his hand over her stomach, realisation finally sunk in.

“You’re having my baby?”

“I’m having your baby. You’re not mad are you? I wanted to do something sweet, I had it all planned out. I bought a box, and I put a baby grow in it- with the pregnancy test, and a card... look.” Rushing over to the wardrobe,she retrieved a box that was neatly wrapped with a golden ribbon. Liam opened it, of course he was annoyed that she didn’t tell him straight away- but he was thrilled beyond words. Baby Rhys arriving Summer 2020.

“Ri, this is the best premature wedding gift I could ask for. Are you feeling okay? Do you need anything?”

“Liam, I’m fine. We’re fine.”

“I love you Riley Brooks, and I love you too. I can’t wait to meet you.” Kissing her stomach, he stood up- picking her up, she wrapped her legs around him. Placing her onto the bed, he couldn’t control himself.

“I’m making love to my wife to be, my queen and the mother of my baby. Drake and Evie can wait. We need to celebrate.”

*****

Arriving downstairs both flustered, they greeted Drake and Evie- who were waiting for them holding hands. Liam suggested that they all sat outside due to it being a sunny day.

“So what’s up?” Riley asked Evie, knowing her eyes were watching the two men’s every movement- wondering what they were whispering to each other.

“I got this text, has Liam said anything? And I thought you should know that me and Drake... we are together.”

“He’s an amazing guy Evie, he’s loyal and will look after you. Do you know who it is? An old friend?”

“I know he is, I don’t want this to ruin all of our friendships though. That’s why I wanted to tell you first. No, I assumed it was Madeleine at first. What the hell have they done?” Both women looked over towards their men, trying to read their body language.

“She’s crazy but she would cause trouble to your face not via a text. I guess we are going to have to find out.”

*****

Olivia strut towards the men unusually late- usually she was punctual for gatherings, Liam gave her a kiss on the cheek, as he always did with all the women. Drake pulled her into a big tight hug- which was unexpected, and which she found highly disturbing.

“Get your hands off of me now Walker. What’s up with you?”

“Liv, I know you hate me and the feelings usually mutual. But I want to thank you, for bringing Evie back.” Olivia looked at him, not knowing what he was going to say- but would accept the praise anyway. “Myself and Evie, we’re together. Officially. And that’s all down to you Liv.”

“No Drake, that is down to you being an alcoholic- your drunk confession to Bastien. Down to Liam being the charmer that he is wooing Riley back. I did nothing, Cordonia is her home- she needs to be here, I just kept planting seeds in her mind. But if you hurt her....” Holding his hands in the air in defeat, he could predict what she was going to say- it was her catchphrase after all.

“I know, you’ll stab me with your dagger.”

“Damn right Walker. I hope those two have a glass of champagne waiting for me .”

Olivia sat with Riley and Evie, the queen to be explained to Olivia the reasoning behind Evie protecting her on that fatal night. Olivia loved Liam as if he was her brother, but she hoped that now he was expecting a baby with Riley that he would push all feelings for Evie aside. The two men sheepishly walked over to the women, noticing all their eyebrows raise up in sync.

“Riley, Evie. There’s something we both need to tell you... we don’t want to lose either of you, but you have to know that what we did was to protect the two of you.” Liam began before looking at Drake for reassurance, slowly losing his stoic expression.

“Because we both love you, and care for you both- we avoided you seeing or hearing the news. The night at Valtoria, we could have lost you Evie- Liam was just defending you both as I was.... Tariq and Neville are dead.”

Liam explained what had happened, that he needed some air- and found them in the grounds. Explaining that he caused injuries to them- leaving Drake’s involvement out of it. They both reiterated how once they left, the two men were breathing and moving still- and until the autopsies returned it was unknown if Liam’s actions was the cause of their deaths.

“I had a text, asking if I knew what you both did that night. Drake you lied to me, you said that you punched the wall.”

“I didn’t lie, I did that too. I swear on Bartie’s and Savannah’s life I did that. You were terrified in your sleep, I was angry. The things they said about you both, about my dad, about my family- the anger built back up again. I’m not a bad guy Evie, and neither is Liam.”

“Well I’m glad they are dead, arseholes. Serves them right. Congratulations gentlemen, not only are you a king and a commoner but now serial killers- ask for a dagger next time, I’ll be happy to assist. Now all of you kiss and make up, we have a wedding to plan.” Olivia grabbed the bottle of champagne, feeling like a gooseberry. Sipping it as if it was water, she had hoped that it would block the mental image of the love surrounding her.

“Are we okay?” Drake asked quietly, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles.

“Why couldn’t you tell me straight away?”

“You’ve been through enough. I’m sorry.”

“This was the reasoning behind us coming. I told Riley about the text, I believed it was maddy- I don’t know who it is.”

“Don’t worry about it. It probably is her. Or Kiara? What are they going to do? Put the king in a cell? Force Leo to take over the throne?”

“Could you imagine Leo as King? I wouldn’t trust him. I’d trust you more.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment then. But no thank you, I don’t want a title. I’m just Drake Walker. Talking about the wedding, because your very handsome boyfriend is the best man- I was going to treat you to a new outfit for the day, what do you think?”

“I think that I am very lucky.. but what’s the catch?”

“No catch, I just want to spoil you- you deserve it.”

“I don’t deserve you. I can’t lose you Drake, and Riley can’t lose Liam- how are you both getting out of this mess? There may not be a wedding at this rate.”

“We’ve got alibis- fake alibis, besides Bastien is on to it. I’m not going anywhere, not now that I’ve got you in my life.”

Olivia noticed Drake passionately kiss his girl, not caring about the public affection in front of his closest friends.

“We’ll carry this on later, you need to sort down below out Drake. It’s rude to point.” Evie said in a seductive manner, she wasn’t the only one to notice his bulge. “Walker put your dick down, I’m going to vomit.”

“Sorry Duchess Olivia, I cant help it with this beautiful woman in front of me.” Rolling her eyes back, she was happy for the two of them but also slightly jealous that she had to wait for Bastien to be off duty for her to do that.

*****

Bastien interrupted the friends, discussing the wedding- whispering in Liam’s ear that he had a visitor. Liam excused himself, knowing exactly who it was- Olivia jumped into Bastiens arms, forcing a kiss onto lips before he escorted the king away.

“Duke Farbridge, it’s a pleasure to see you again.”

“Your majesty, it’s been a long time.” Liam walked back over to his friends with Tobias who immediately spotted Evie.

Oh you have to be fucking kidding me, Olivia muttered to herself as she heard Evie’s glass of sparkling water slip through her fingers, her body went into instant shock as the glass shattered around her. Looking as if she had seen a ghost, the friends witnessed him smirking at her whilst she looked panic stricken.

“Excuse me, I have to go to the toilet.” Grabbing her wrist as she walked passed him, it wasn’t a tight grip, but it was enough to prevent her moving further away. “Get your fucking hands off of me Toby.”

“Aren’t you a lovely surprise, did you miss me darling?”

“Fuck you!” Forcing his hand off her, she focused on getting away without any explanation to her friends about how they knew each other.

“Don’t you fucking dare go after her!” Olivia kneed him in the groin- forcing him to the ground, she knew of him but he didn’t know of her.

“Ah so you must be the psycho best friend. Olivia?” He whimpered, as he slowly stood back up, adjusting his posture- he scowled at the red head who mimicked the same facial expression towards him.

“You touch her again, and I will kill you. How the fuck do you know Liam?”

“I’m a Duke from England, our parents were close when we were younger- allies. I’m attending King Liams wedding on behalf of our Duchy.”

“Oh well I’m sure King Liam and Duchess Riley will change their minds once they know how you hurt their friend. Broke her heart, just to get your dick wet with some slapper.”

“It was a mistake. A drunken mistake. She still stayed with me after that, didn’t that prove that she forgave me? That she loves me?”

“No you arsehole! She stayed with you because she felt she couldn’t do any better. She rung me every day crying. Liam do something, before I do. I’m going to find my friend.”

*****

Liam discussed that it wasn’t a good idea for Toby to attend his wedding, he was much closer to Evie and didn’t want to cause friction. Toby understood, but was hoping that closer to the time Liam would change his mind- believing that Cordonia needed as many people on her side as possible due to the recent attacks. Drake now understood what Olivia meant with their discussion at Valtoria.

“Why are you being nice?”

“Because you two morons are obviously falling in love with each other. I know she didn’t sleep with Liam, and I know that you didn’t sleep with Riley. However I do know that you returned to Evie’s room with a lipstick mark and was smelling all like Riley. Evie has got trust issues, you wouldn’t know about the reasoning why but she only gives her heart away to men who she truly believes she likes. One man messed that up for her, so when you returned her natural instinct thought you’d hurt her too.”

Wanting to rush to Evie’s aid, Olivia and Riley advised him not to. Explaining that she would come back in her own time, Drake couldn’t help but feel useless. All he wanted to do was see that she was okay, to comfort her. After much deliberation, he had thought about taking Evie away for a few days- getting away from the mess in Cordonia and the ghosts of her past.

Evie wandered through the maze wanting to be left alone for a while, memories of her childhood overrode the memories of her poor relationship with Toby, whilst the two of them were at university together.

“So you managed to fight four men off, one of those men was me. Shame you didn’t recognise me. It would have given you less of a fright today. I assume you received my text?”

[fantasyoverreality98]

Not Meant to Happen (Drake x MC)

Let’s try this again, because I’m a fool and accidentally deleted it the first time.

Word Count: 1,786 words

Summary: Things between Riley and Drake have been tense ever since she found out about the marriage alliance that was made without her knowledge. After months of tension, the two finally attempt to talk things out, and Riley reveals a plan she’s been considering for months.

My daughter’s life was practically signed away to Auvernal before she was even born.

         Riley paced around the nursery, shushing Valentina when she started to whine. The house was silent. All of the staff in Valtoria had been sent away a week earlier, much to the protest of Liam. She didn’t care what the King wanted. None of this should have impacted her life. If she had wanted her child to be heir, to find herself forced to make an arranged marriage, to attend all these fancy balls and tours and events, she wouldn’t have married Drake. They weren’t even supposed to be here.

         “How is she?” Riley tensed at the sound of her husband’s voice.

         She curled deeper within herself when Drake entered the room and tried to touch her and her daughter. “Fine.” These days, the most he could expect from her were one-word answers.

         He leaned down to kiss her, and she whirled away. Valentina looked like she was about to cry again, and Riley rocked the four-month-old in her arms, her scowl softening at the baby’s little face. Tears of frustration started to well in her eyes.

         “Riley.” Drake’s usually rough voice sounded pained. “You know I had no choice.”

         “Yes, you did.” She set Valentina down in her crib and left the room, knowing what came next would wake her if they stayed in this room. Drake followed her down the hallway until they reached their own bedroom, waiting for her to speak again. “I told you to take care of our baby. How was signing that paper taking care of her? You gave away her freedom!”

         His hands were clenched into fists at his sides. “What was I supposed to do? Let you die?”

         “I would have rather died than agreed to any sort of alliance with Auvernal!”

         “We both know I would do anything to protect you.” They both glanced at his shoulder after he spoke those words, memories of a time in the near distant past rushing back.

         Despite herself, Riley took a step closer to him. But then she remembered the situation and moved back. “Anything should never involve our child. She always has to come first.”

         He looked at her, and she knew he saw that she was practically shaking with anger. “We’ll find a way out of this. I won’t rest until our Val is free.”

         More tears formed, threatening to spill over. Riley had to turn away, knowing she would give in if she kept looking at Drake. “I never wanted this life. I know that Liam is your best friend and that he means the world to you, but I don’t think he would’ve forced us to stay. He’s too kind for his own good.” She took a shaky breath, unsure what her next words would mean for her marriage, her friendships, even for the future of Cordonia. “I want to go back home. To New York.”

         “Riley—” She held up a hand continued speaking.

         “You don’t have to come with me, but I’m taking Val. I know that the marriage alliance can’t be ignored, but she’s not even a year old. I don’t want her to grow up here. It’s not safe.”

         He reached for her, and she stepped back again. They still slept in the same bed, but the two of them hadn’t been intimate since before Valentina’s birth. Drake had tried countless times, but Riley was too angry at everything to allow him to touch her like that.

         “I’m serious, Drake. I don’t want to stay here.” Part of her felt horrible for making him choose, and yet a bigger part didn’t care. Their entire relationship had progressed so quickly that they’d never properly dated before getting married. She still felt at times like she knew Liam better than her own husband.

         The fairy tale romance feeling was gone. Now that they were together and she didn’t have to sneak off with Drake in the late hours while they were on tour, Riley had no idea what to do. She still loved him, of course she did, but things were just…different.

         “I’m sorry that I signed the alliance without your permission, but I’ll never apologize for choosing to save your life.” He stepped closer to her, and she found herself with no more room to step back. The bedroom door prevented her from moving any further. “I couldn’t live with myself if I had let anything happen to you.”

         Riley could see the hurt in Drake’s eyes, could hear the pleading in his voice, could feel the regret in his touch. He’d spent the last four months begging for her forgiveness, and she still couldn’t find it within herself to do that. She was mad at everyone. She was mad at everything. Liam should have never asked this of her, and especially not of Drake. Someone who had always hated court life and only stayed for his best friend.

         “Why did you even agree when Liam asked?” The question had been eating away at her for over a year, since the moment Drake agreed to make their child the heir to the Cordonian throne. “I thought you hate it here. Why would you put our daughter through this?”

         Finally, she saw an emotion other than regret flash across his face. She was tired of him acting like a completely different person. The Drake Walker she’d fallen in love with would never act the way he had. She wanted the man who always talked about leaving the court back. That was how things were supposed to go. Riley would give it all up in an instant if she had the choice. The duchy, the titles, the expectation to put on a show of being someone who she simply wasn’t and never would be.

         It was why she said no to Liam’s proposal. Not just because she’d fallen in love with Drake along the way, but because the weight of being queen was too much. Often, she wondered why she even agreed to Maxwell’s proposition a few years ago. She felt like a complete idiot for saying yes. Her life had been fine in New York. Sure, she had struggled from time to time, but she was still free. She could walk out her front door and not have to worry about paparazzi or assassins or breaking the heart of a man who she knew deserved much better than her.

         “I just wanted to make Liam happy.”

         “Well, you’re not married to Liam!” Riley’s voice sounded shrill, the frustration of the past year rising to the surface in one final explosion of anger. She took a moment to consider her next words, not wanting to wake Valentina when she had just fallen asleep. “He’s not the one you should be worried about,” she whispered, trying her best to calm her racing heart.

         Drake stared at her for a long time. She could see him digesting her words, trying his best to think of what to say. Words had never been his strongest skill. Most of the time they’d spent together during Liam and Madeleine’s engagement tour had been filled with silence. When he did speak, he would always compare himself to Liam, or speak with such self-deprecation that at times she found it better to just sit beside him and not say a word.

         I love you. Stop comparing yourself to someone I don’t want.

         Even now, after they’d been married for over a year and had a child together, she still saw the doubt in his face. As if he worried that one day, she might change her mind and leave him for Liam. As if she hadn’t given up an entire life in New York to move to Cordonia. As if she didn’t put up with his family, who at times frustrated her beyond belief, for him.

         “I—I thought that it was what you wanted.” Based on his expression, he knew he’d said the wrong thing immediately after saying it.

         Riley took a deep breath, letting Drake’s words settle in the air around them before she responded. “Do you honestly think,” she said, taking the opportunity to move away from the door and feel less trapped, “That I married you because I wanted our child to be the heir?”

         “I—we—you—” He fumbled over his words, the regret on his face mixing with anger and what looked like embarrassment.

         Riley laughed bitterly, shaking her head before she walked past him and out into the hallway. Drake followed behind her.

         Neither of them spoke as they entered the kitchen. She kept her face turned away, searching through the pantry for something to snack on. After what seemed like an eternity, she felt warms hands reach out to touch her. The energy it took to remain angry all the time left her exhausted.

         “I love you, Riley Walker.” Drake turned her around to face him, hesitating with his movements. He stared down at her for a minute before leaning down. This time, she let him kiss her.

         They stood in the dim kitchen, kissing, for what seemed like hours. A cry echoed throughout the estate, and Riley pulled away, instantly remembering that she was supposed to be mad. She sighed, kissing Drake one more time before turning away to comfort Valentina.

         Once she knew he wasn’t going to follow, she allowed the tears to fall. Valentina stopped crying as soon as she picked her up, big brown eyes staring up at her mother with curiosity.

         “We’ll figure a way to get you out of this mess, baby, I promise.” Riley rocked her daughter, the tears falling more steadily with every passing minute. “I’m so sorry.”

         She had meant it when she said that she wanted to go back to New York. Even if it meant sneaking away in the middle of the night, leaving the country without saying a word, she would do it. Olivia had even offered to help. It was funny how the one person who had once seemed like her greatest enemy was now her most trusted friend.

         The house was silent again. Riley had no idea where Drake was, but she knew that he would want to pick up where things had left off before Valentina woke up. If she were to be completely honest with herself, she missed waking up in his arms without having to worry about everything. She just really missed spending time with her husband.

         “We’ll get out of this mess,” Riley mumbled, looking down at Valentina again. She said it more for herself than her daughter. There had to be a way to fix this. There just had to.

[sashatrr]

Breathe with me. Chapter 18

I know it`s been a long time and i apologize for a long pause between chapters. Special thanks to my reader who motivated me to finish this chapter. Appereantly i really needed it.

I was struggling with this chapter because i realize that my English is far from perfect and no matter how hard i try, i just  hate how bad it comes out. 

I tried my best to edit it but well... that`s what came out.

Let me know, please, if you would like to be removed from a taglist ( or added)

I will try to post chapters more regulary now.

Chapter 17 here

-Every girl dreams to  grow up and turn from an ugly duckling into a beautiful swan.  To lose a glass slipper and not fall asleep on a pea, and most importantly, to meet that prince on a white horse, on Mercedes or a yacht. To fall in love at first sight, to live her happily ever after. And then… he buys her a penthouse and makes her his mistress. 

Lina already regretted her decision to invite Nicci today. Her sarcasm wasn't helping, especially today, the day when Liam left and Lina had no idea when and if he will return. But she didn't want to turn into whiney creature whose life is rotating around a man. Her life was here, in New York, thousands of kilometers away from him and she had to get it back on tracks. 

-So what are you going to do now? - Nicci asked. - Enjoy doing nothing? 

Lina shook her head and pointed at laptop she was using before Nicci came. 

-I was just checking vacancies. I will start sending resumes tomorrow morning. 

-Why tomorrow? Do it now and tomorrow you can join me for a day in spa. You need to relax before to break into business world. Who knows what might happen. Oh my gosh! What if your boss will be a hottie and what's more important, single? You know, opposite of what you have now?Like a guy who is actually worth spending your time on. You know, like Thom whom you dumped for that married sleaze?

-Nicci!-Lina frowned visibly annoyed with her speech. - Liam is not a sleaze! He is just… - Lina was struggling to find words and to defend her relationships. Anything she would say will sound as a poor excuse for an ugly reality. 

-Yeah, I know. He is a great guy who just happened to get married one day and to fuck you a very next day. I bet he has a girl like you in every country, damn, maybe even in every city he ever visited. To bad he can't have harem, it would solve all his problems. - Nicci giggled. 

-Enough! - Lina raised her voice but was interrupted by a buzz of her phone. She glanced on the screen and answered with with a cheery voice. 

-Aunty! I am so glad you called. Sorry I was absent for awhile but I missed you. 

After exchanging pleasantries she flew out of her seat with somewhat panicked expression. 

-Uhm, no I am not at home but I will be there in thirty minutes. Off course I'll be happy to see you. OK, see you then. 

Nicci shook her head disapprovingly. 

-Now what? Are you going to lie to a woman who raised you? 

Lina blushed, she knew that she was in the wrong here but how could she explain everything that happened to her aunt? Seeing a married man, living in the place he got for them, quitting her job? No, that wasn't an option.   

-Not like I have a choice - she snapped at Nicci. - Could you, please, be more supportive? 

-I am being supportive, just not in the way you want me to be. - Nicci replied without any sarcasm which was really a rare exception. - I am trying to support you by not letting you to drown in the ocean of lies that you are forming now. Remember that truth always comes out. The more you will lie now the worse consequences you will face when it happens, Lina. Your aunt will know everything sooner or later so you might as well tell her everything now and to avoid breaking her heart in the future. 

After Nicci left, Lina was thinking about what she said and before to leave for meeting her aunt, she decided that Nicci was right. She didn't want to turn her life into web of lies, it was already complicated as it is. She wasn't going to hide what's happening to her from her closest ones. 

***

A week flew by very fast for Liam, filled with work and meetings. He was calling Lina almost every day and every time after finishing a call he felt that she is being distant. He didn't want to think that she is reconsidering their  relationships so he brushed that feeling off every time. He had enough on his plate and his insecurities won't do him any good he thought. 

Must be my tiredness. Off course it is. Talking on the phone is different than actually talking to each other, I am imagining things. 

He didn't see Madeleine much, only over a dinner. 

It was a night before they had to leave for Switzerland. After a dinner him, Regina and Madeleine were slowly sipping their drinks in blue salon. Regina broke the silence. 

-We have two matters to discuss, Liam. 

Liam nodded waiting for her to continue. 

-First is, now once you are back from your honeymoon, it's time for me to move into the small palace as tradition requires. Secondly, when are you planning Madeleine's coronation? 

Regina's voice was dry with a shadow of sadness in it. After many happy years in the palace it was her time to leave the memories behind and pass her role to the new Queen. Even tho Madeleine was her niece, it still was difficult for Regina. This would mean that the happiest chapter of her life was really over and it's a time to turn over a page. Regina wouldn't miss being a Queen, she had her time to enjoy the power and greatness, but she will miss living in the place where every corner was reminding her of Constantine. 

-Take your time, Regina. You don't have to rush it. I will make sure that the other palace is ready. 

Liam was avoiding any talks about Madeleine's coronation but it had to be done sooner or later. 

Madeleine kept quiet while Liam and Regina were discussing Regina's plans about moving. She had only one shot at this and after how honeymoon ended, she didn't intend to annoy Liam. She would rather to pretend that she took his warning, rather violent and rude one. 

I need to find his weakness, I have to find a leverage to make him give me what's rightfully mine now. I won't press a matter of coronation right now, he will have to arrange it sooner or later  but he must do it because of Regina and all country are expecting it, not because I pressed it. I should pick my fights from now on, better not to annoy him until I have a weapon. 

Noticing how quite Madeleine was during a dinner and that she didn't participate in conversation at all, Regina tried to involve Madeleine into conversation about coronation and Liam left two women to it, pleased with Madeleine's behavior so far. It looked to him like she heard his warning and won't give him any troubles. 

I could live with this Madeleine. It's like she is not even here and she better keeps it this way. Now if she gives me a heir  or two soon enough, we won't have to see each other at all. 

Liam didn't even notice how fast his thoughts changed. If once he was dreaming about having his own family and kids, now he didn't call a child anything else but a heir even in his mind. 

Next morning, upon landing in EuroAirport Basel Mulhouse Freiburg, Liam and Madeleine quickly arrived to the clinic that was closed for weekend but was bursting with activity inside as a few staff members, who knew about royal couple appointment, greeted them and followed a royal couple into doctors room. 

Due to patients importance, beside the leading specialist of the clinic, a chief was also present in the room. After exchanging greetings and a few smiles, Dr. Zimmermann got to the point of appointment and looked at Madeleine expectantly . He thought that it will be a regular health check before conceiving a baby but he couldn't imagine why they had to come all the way to Switzerland for it. Surely the royal family had their own doctors for it. 

Not waiting for Madeleine to say anything, Liam took a matter into his own hands to a great surprise of both, doctor and a chief. 

-Dr. Zimmermann, first of all I want to thank you for agreeing to meet with us on such a short notice and during a weekend. - Liam gave doctor a grateful nod that doctor accepted with a smile. - I am counting on you and your wonderful staff to keep this appointment and future ones in secret. - Liam addressed those words to chief. 

-I am assuring you that there won't be any leaks on our side-chief replied. - Beside me and doctor Zimmermann there are only two nurses here right now and both can be trusted. I promise you that everything will stay within those walls. 

-Due to the reasons I would like to remain unsaid, me and her Majesty picked your clinic for In vitro fertilization.-Liam finished. 

Doctor did not expect that but quickly brushed off a thousand question on his mind as why would newlyweds  require such procedure. 

-Off course, Sir. We can make all necessary tests this weekend and if everything is fine with both of you, we can perform a procedure next Saturday. 

*

Monday afternoon Lina just went through her first job interview in a long time. It went well, or at least Lina hoped so. The entire experience felt different from her previous failures. In the past, the more rejections she went through, the more desperate she became. Maybe that's why she gave up and stuck with waitress gig. This time she had a safety net and she felt much more confident. She wasn't the only candidate for this position and she really wanted to get this job but during the interview she was calm and collected. 

Liam hasn't called her for a few days and it worried her a bit but she didn't want to call or text him. What if his wife would be near him and see her name on display? Or anyone else. No, she didn't want to land him in troubles. It was just top of the iceberg, one of many minuses of being with married man, so she thought. She needed this job for her future and even more importantly, it would maybe revive her self respect that suffered significant damage. 

From the corner of her eye Lina noticed Mara, who always was not far, and winced. She still couldn't understand why did she have to put up with this woman's presence in her life. 

This needs to change, I can't have her following me if I am going to keep living my life. She can't follow me to my workplace, if i'll ever get this job. No, Lina, think positively. Not if but when. 

She waved Mara to come closer and smiled friendly. Whatever she liked Mara's presence in her life or not, it wasn't Maria's fault so Lina decided to remain friendly and polite with her. 

-Mara, you can go home or… well, do whatever you like. I… - Lina stopped herself before she would start  explaining herself to Mara. 

No, not going to happen. Nope. Na-ah. I am not reporting to her where I am going or who am I spending my time with. If Liam needs to spy on someone, he has a wife for it. He can spy on her for all I care, Mara's talents are wasted on me. 

-But madam… - Mara began but Lina didn't let her finish. 

-No buts, Mara. I've never been to Cordonia and I have no idea how does it work there but here, in America, if the person tells you that she doesn't want to be followed, you leave them alone. Stalking is illegal in this country.- Lina was feeling like rebellious child for some reason but the longer she spent without Liam, the more she realized that everything was over the top and he will have to compromise. It was an absurd situation. She might have agreed to it after spending such a long period of time with Liam, influenced by atmosphere of wealth and luxury that followed him everywhere but now it seemed ridiculous. 

Mara didn't really have a good reply to it and after a short goodbye disappeared from the view. 

Pleased with herself, Lina made a phone call that she was postponing for a long time. She dialed a number and almost right away he picked up the phone. 

-Hello, Thomas… 

***

Monday night Liam was finishing getting dressed for a Masquerade, first event of social season. He still had a time before he would have to head to the ballroom. Guests were still arriving and Royal couple had to enter once all the guests would gather. 

He picked up his phone intending to call Lina. He couldn't stop thinking about her for entire weekend that him and Madeleine spent in Switzerland, but he didn't call her then. What if she asked where he was or what was he doing? He wouldn't know how to explain her WHAT exactly he was doing in Switzerland. Liam knew that he shouldn't think like that, he shouldn't think that he owes her anything, any explanation or report about his real life, but it felt wrong. He had no idea how she will accept the news about Madeleine's future pregnancy but Lina had to know that their relationships are separated from his "real" life, as he called his life outside of their relationships. 

Before he could dial the number, he heard knock on the door and put the phone away. He walked to the living room and called to come in to whoever was behind the damn door. 

Drake and Maxwell entered his living room. 

He greeted both his friends and three of them sat comfortably in the chairs. 

-Just came for drinks before this damned ball. - Drake rubbed his neck clearly feeling irritated with something. - You are always hiding the best whiskey here. 

Liam filled three glasses and handed drinks to Maxwell and Drake. 

-I didn't think that you would be here tonight. - Liam addressed Drake. - Is your heart warming up to the court? 

Drake rolled his eyes and took a sip of his whiskey, savoring the taste before to reply. 

-Not in this life, Liam, maybe in next one tho. I am here because I hoped that we could talk. I haven't seen you at all after  honeymoon . So confess, on the scale from one to ten, how awful was it? 

- I would say a… - Liam paused dramatically, looking from Drake to Maxwell and back. - ten. - he finished and took a sip of his own drink. 

-I said from one to ten, Liam, not to thousand.-  Drake smirked ironically. 

- I heard you but I stand by my words. - Liam smirked back. 

-Impossible, unless you spent a month in alcoholic coma. I can't imagine any other way to tolerate your dear wife for so long… one to one… isolated on the island. - Drake's body jerked exaggeratedly, demonstrating the deepness of his "love" to Madeleine. 

- You are right, Drake - Liam smiled happily. - I didn't feel like sacrisfating my health for it. Surely so much alcohol would make my life significantly shorter than I expect to live. That's why I wasn't on that island. 

Silence hang in the room as two pairs of shocked eyes stared at Liam. 

-Well, are you going to tell  us? - Maxwell broke the silence. - You are the master of dramatic pauses, Liam, i swear. You must teach me your ways sometime. I never look so mysterious like you do right now. 

-Well there might be New York, Europe and Maldives being involved. - Liam replied looking at Drake and Maxwell expectantly. He was wondering if they will figure it out now. 

-A New York you say… - Drake said with suspicion in his voice. He put his glass away and laughed loudly. - Don't tell me that you ditched blonde iceberg and spent your honeymoon with Lina because I won't believe you. - Drake said once he was able to stop laughing. - That's to good to be true. 

When Liam didn't answer and only smiled happily again, Drake busted into laughter. 

-Wait, what? Were you with Lina all this time? - Maxwell asked and his mouth opened in shock. - Like with my Linny? 

-I believe that she is my Linny now. - Liam smiled softly. 

Their conversation was interrupted with knock on the door. After Liam called for them to come in, the door opened and Madeleine entered a room. All three men stood up from the chairs. Despite how each of them felt about Madeleine, nobody canceled an etiquette and protocol and external decency were honored. 

-Good evening, Madeleine.-Liam greeted her while both Drake and Maxwell bowed slightly to the Queen . 

-Your Majesty - both man said in unison. 

-Good evening - Madeleine acknowledged Drake and Maxwell's presence with a slight nod. - It's time, Liam. All guests have arrived. 

-With your permission- Maxwell headed to the door but Drake couldn't help himself and smirked at Madeleine on his way to the door. 

A few hours later, when the ball was in a full swing, Liam finally managed to extract himself from conversation and, before he would have to dance with Madeleine again, pretending to enjoy her company as expected of him, headed to the terrace. 

-Make sure that nobody follows me. - he said to one of his guards who shut the terrace door behind Liam and stood outside making sure that Liam will have his privacy. 

Finally Liam dialed Lina's number but was directed straight to voicemail. He tried again with the same result. He frowned and dialed Mara's number this time. 

-Mara. - he said shortly after she answered the call. - I can't reach Lina for some reason. Could you go to her and ask to turn her phone on please? 

-No, Sire. - he heard reply. - She is… we aren't in the same building, Sire. 

-And where is she? Why aren't you with her? - Liam in disapproval pressed his lips together. 

-I can't tell that, Sire. 

-Pardon me? - Liam wasn't sure if he heard her right. 

-You gave me an order not to spy on her, Sire, and not to report to you about Miss whereabouts. - Mara replied embarrassed .

-Right. - Liam said angrily.- Thanks and have a good night… day I mean. 

Liam slammed his hand on marble railing and returned to the ballroom. 

Suddenly the evening lost its charm for Liam. Yes, yes, yes, he never was a possessive type, he knew that he shouldn't get jealous or pissed whenever Lina left her New York penthouse, that she had her life and all that but he didn't give a damn for one second about what he wasn't supposed to feel right now. He was irrational but he didn't care. 

Way to go. I am becoming a caveman. I can't lock her in that place, can I? Too damn bad we aren't living in medieval times. I bet that Louis Fourteen didn't have to deal with such nonsense. Wait, he didn't live in Medieval. 

But before Liam could master a plan of how to revive traditions of blessed Louis Era and ensure that women will have to obey men once again, at least one particular woman, he was approached by Drake, Maxwell and Rashad with yet another stunning woman hanging on his arm who was introduced to Liam as Yvette. 

A company of friends spent a few minutes in a pleasant conversation until Maxwell invited Yvette for a round of waltz. 

-Did you find a factory that produces beauties, Rashad? - Drake asked suspiciously. 

-Almost. - Rashad snorted violating an etiquette. - I am receiving a monthly copy of a Pink Book.- he exclaimed like it was explaining everything but his words were met with confused looks of both, Drake and Liam. - Don't tell me that you two don't receive it. 

-Where do I subscribe? - Drake asked. - Don't tell me that you are fishing for women in the library. 

Even Liam looked intrigued. 

-God, no. Some model agencies, not the famous ones off course, have Pink Books. A book of their models who would gladly spend a night with a man that has access to this service. Off course not everyone receive a copy. It's a closely guarded secret that everyone know about. - Rashad explained with a smirk. 

-Does that mean that she… - Drake nodded in direction of the dance floor but was interrupted. 

-No, it doesn't. I don't pay women for that, Drake. It's just a business deal that benefits both sides. I have a fabulous escort that won't demand me to take any obligations and they receive good money and a chance to raise their fame attending exclusive events like this one. But yes, would you want it, I believe that certain arrangement can be reached. - Rashad finished with a smirk. 

Liam didn't show much interest in the topic. For him it was just a curious information. He was back to his thoughts again and was nodding automatically to Rashad without paying attention at what's being said anymore. 

-I could include you to the list of patrons if you wish, Liam. 

A nod.

-Off course I will be delivering a book directly to you so don't worry about anonymity. 

Rashad's words were met with another nod and to everyone's pleasure men parted ways. 

Hana was standing behind the column listening closely to their conversation. 

So he wants that book. I knew it. Madeleine doesn't satisfy him, he is already looking elsewhere. Hmmm, I can use it. I don't know how yet but I am feeling that this is my chance. To foggy but I'll figure something out.

Next chapter

@indiacater​ @drakesensworld​ @annekebbphotography​ @hopefulmoonobject​ @jared2612​ @dcbbw​

[lizzybeth1986]

Quick Thoughts on TRH Book 1 Chapter 14

• Funny how the TRH team so desperately needed to spend close to half the book on mindless nonsense with Drake's family...and just a single chapter on the MC's entire first trimester. Via a 6 minute long time jump. Truly funny.

• So now that we're back in Cordonia, the pregnancy is underway, and we're finally getting into the meat of past intrigue, most of the fandom has this for a reaction:

It's a legitimate reaction, the story is moving forward...but the denim-clad, whiskey-guzzling problem that is the root of this whole mess - and the reason why the Walker Ranch portion took so long the way no other place in the series ever has...that problem still exists. It exists in a large, insidious way, and even while we're rejoicing the return to intrigue we might not always notice how even that is rife with issues. But more on that later.

• If you want avoid seeing these posts on your dash, these are the tags to blacklist: #trh quick thoughts, #trh qts, #trh qt reblogs, and #long post.

• Screenshots:

Hana: @aestheticsayeed (photoshoot) and the Abhirio YouTube channel.

Maxwell: @itsbrindleybinch and the rash rec YouTube channel

Drake: @thefirstcourtesan

Liam: @callmetippytumbles (photoshoot), the SavageLordBarlow YouTube channel, and me.

• Title: The Announcement

Alternative Title: Let's Cram One of The Most Important Part Of The Book Into A 6 Minute Montage!

Alternative to Alternative Title: What We Really Wanted to Title This Book - The Royal Yeehaw.

• I'm hoping that with each chapter where you're shown a scan or something that's considered a milestone in pregnancy, I can come out with a corresponding tiny story of my own! Let's see if that works out.

• So...I had my first actual ultrasound at 7 weeks (first time we heard a heartbeat) but the real fun one was the 12 week scan! By then you can see hands and legs (the ultrasound pic the writers chose for this chapter was...eh), and the kids can definitely feel them (not see - yet)...and they're going to use those limbs like nobody's business starting from then 😂

My 12 week scan took around 45 minutes to happen coz Baby V was jumping and kicking all over the place (not that I could actually feel any of it yet lol), and the poor doc wasn't getting clear enough images of her as a result 😅 When we finally saw her she was in all her energy-fueled glory, kicking up a storm (she's a cat-loving kindergartner now and she still kicks exactly like that 😅😅)

My mum had come down to visit and for some good ol' TLC, so she accompanied me inside the room. To date she insists she saw V wave at her 😁

• Back to the story - Madeleine has booked a press conference without our approval (still sucks at her job, I see) and we're left hoping to make lemonade out of those lemons she's thrown our way.

• We can choose to either be excited about announcing it, or worrying about putting the news out too early in case something happens in the first trimester. With the last option, the answers vary depending on who you married and therefore what your title is. If you are Queen, Liam reminds you that a public and accelerated timetable is a part of the price of royal life (still not a good enough excuse for Madeleine to fix this press-con without our approval). If you are Duchess, either Maxwell (or Hana in Maxwell's playthrough) tell us it's too early to start worrying. Bottomline is the MC is persuaded to view this as a good opportunity to celebrate.

• We are give three options for venue, suggested by Liam, Drake and Hana respectively - Hana suggests the royal ballroom since it's where the most important announcements are done, Drake suggests the less-stuffy palace grounds and Liam (of course, since that garden was his mother's pet project!) suggests the gardens. You then get to choose how you want to make an entrance:

(The screenshots are from the following:

1st row - @itsbrindleybinch Maxwell playthrough

2nd row - Mine

3rd row - The SavageLordBarlow YouTube channel, Liam playthrough. Their Liam is called "Dennis")

• Madeleine balks at the idea of a royal event turning into a rock concert, as if one of the most iconic images of Buckingham Palace in the 21st century wasn't Brian May of Queen rocking it out on his homemade guitar on the rooftop.

• Arrangements done, now it's time for THE DRESS. We have a wine-red chiffon ensemble with pearls on the neckline and a jeweled belt. It's called "Apple of My Eye", because presumably no one does apple analogies to symbolize fertility quite like Cordonia does.

• In addition to being Duchess, if you are Queen, you have the additional option of choosing a tiara. We were last able to do this during the ball in the TRR Book 3 finale, before we were honoured with the Champion of the Realm title. This is something you can only access if you are Queen.

• We reach the venue we have chosen, with the entrance we have chosen, and we can either choose to announce formally, or yell it from the top of our lungs. Nobody cares coz they're too happy there's an apple pie baking in that oven 😅

• Among the press we see the usual people: Ana, Donnie, Samir aaaaaand Brad from PM/Smoothie Star Thad from Platinum. He expects pregnant women to have baby bumps from the moment of conception.

• What's he going to be called this time? Chad? 😂

• For a dude who is mostly a spy-journo, he's doing a terribly poor job of hiding it. He doesn't do his research on pregnancy timelines, immediately jumps up to ask a question when the topic turns to that of the alliances with Auvernal and Monterisso, and gets caught pretty easily. He's probably also the dude who was upto something on our honeymoon, taking pictures of us and gathering information on our whereabouts. Whichever country got him on board for this, really needs to rethink their hiring process.

• Donnie has the one brain cell existing among the press and uses it to ask us why we're announcing so early. You can either choose to claim that you wanted the Cordonian people to know asap, or be honest if you didn't want this to happen (to which Madeleine gives you an "apologetic shrug"). The third option has the MC claiming she wants to shed a light on, and be honest about, the entire experience of pregnancy, even if it does result in a miscarriage - which Samir notes as being a noble endeavor.

• With regards to the alliances, we don't give a clear answer yet, but we do hint at what we're looking for when we finally take that call (strength, understanding, advantage for Cordonia). The LI also gets to briefly highlight their sentiments at this point, and show different reactions - Liam has tears in his eyes, Drake can't stop grinning, Hana squeezes her wife's hand and Maxwell screams WE'RE HAVING A BABYYY.

• Additionally, if you're married to an LI other than Liam, the press asks him what will happen if he decides to have children somewhere down the line. He maintains that the MC's child will have the first right to the throne, even over his future children - effectively writing his own bloodline out of that throne if he isn't married yet. Which...well, we knew this was coming. We knew they weren't going to change this. It's disappointing, but not surprising, that they chose this route.

• Once the press meet is over, we get felicitations from different guests, mostly from the Council:

- Duke Landon of Portavira: Compliments the couple by calling them 'glowing' and wishes them well. Penelope plans to design something for the child, and Kiara promises to talk her out of placing too many dog motifs.

- Duke Godfrey of Karlington/Krona: Gives the couple a formal paying-of-respects, and hopes for more dignified attire for the heir (shut up Godfrey Not Gao, I had to waltz in a MINI-DRESS at your goddamn home 🤬).

- Queen Mother Regina: This varies between the Liam playthrough and other playthroughs, obviously, because in the Liam one she is his stepmother and obviously there is that closeness. In all the others, she is warm and friendly, congratulates the happy couple, insists they call her Regina rather than "Your Majesty" (there is a brief moment where married!Maxwell is confused about whether to call her "Your Majesty" or "Your Grace") and assures them that she will always be ready to provide for the "kingdom's heir". Liam's interactions require a more personal touch, so he hugs Regina before the MC can opt to, and she calls their child her grandchild as well. Liam and Regina moments are rare to come by, so I'm happy whenever I get to see them. I also haven't seen her since the book has begun, so I'm chuffed that she's there (pls don't make her knowingly part of the plot pls pls).

- Lord Barthelemy of Ramsford: Has to make everything about him wherever he goes! His felicitations to us lasts all of ten seconds while his attention towards Donnie and Samir takes up all of his time. He manages to score an interview with both of them. The most interesting part isn't that, though. It's the comment he makes about Regina as she leaves: "she always was a generous one..." - now what's THAT supposed to mean?

• Hakim is neither on the Council, nor is he shown here. I'd like to believe Kiara's family have distanced themselves from the group because the MC doesn't deserve the honour of their presence, but we know it's more likely coz the writers would much rather write Kiara and her family out of the story. Which is a pity because they're the most amazing family Cordonia has.

• Madeleine now comes forward, suggesting to us to follow the tradition of getting a royal announcement of their pregnancy done. This is done in a fashion similar to our Engagement Photoshoot, but with our own choice of clothes and less variations overall.

- Our attire is pretty much anything we'd like to pick out from the closet, as long as it's been already paid for. The LIs on the other hand have three different options for their outfits:

Liam gets his outfit from the TRR3 finale, his Costume Gala outfit and his official outfit. Oddly his outfits have titles like the MC's does.

Hana gets her Costume Gala flower dress, her plain black dress and her usual pink one.

Maxwell gets his Costume Gala squid outfit, his black suit and his usual Gucci shirt.

Drake gets his Costume Gala blue brocade, his official grey suit and his usual denim.

- What I can't understand is why her muted black dress is always touted as the formal garb for Hana, when they could easily allow her to wear that gorgeous black traditional outfit of hers. That could have been an option for this shoot. But no, they decided to arbitrarily code that one and block access to it if you didn't pay, even though Lorelai had apologized to Hana and therefore her outfit should have been coming back to her!

- I've said it before and I'll say it again: the decision to pay wall that entire outfit, considering it was taken away from her in an act of abuse and intimidation - and it should have been by all accounts returned to her when Lorelai apologized whether we paid for that scene or not - is sickening. Shame on you PB.

- Once we are ready with our outfits, we meet Ana in the throne room, and she's busy preparing an announcement sign to place in front of the couple. We take a couple minutes to admire the sign, then proceed to posing for Ana. If you took the engagement photoshoot in Book 2 or 3, it's referenced at the beginning. Each couple's scene here is unique:

(Screenshots: Hana's from the Abhirio YouTube channel, Maxwell's from the rash rec YouTube channel, Drake's from @thefirstcourtesan and Liam's from mine).

Liam

Ana begins by suggesting the couple take their places in their thrones, looking at each other. Though the photo is great - glamourous and dignified - Liam and the MC aren't quite feeling the shot. The MC isn't fond of the idea of sitting so far away from Liam, and Liam agrees, telling Ana that he finds the pose too stiff - and that above being King and Queen of the country they are also a couple deeply in love, and their child is not simply an heir but a sign of their love for each other. So the ensuing picture is warm and filled with joy.

Once Ana leaves, Liam tells the MC about how his own parents did exactly such a photoshoot when they were expecting him, and how much more he understands them - now that he is going to be a father.

Hana

There is a warmth and a sweetness to the first shot itself - a simple one that has them simply looking into each other's eyes - that Ana tells them she knows their child will be brought up in a loving home.

For the second shot, Hana asks the MC whether she'd rather have a shot alone, and offers to move out. Possibly because the MC - married to Hana or not - constantly makes everything revolve around her and constantly pushes Hana and her issues to the background like they're not important. I'm sure Hana got that impression from you somewhere, MC.

The MC, however, is surprised by this and insists she be part of the picture. She can choose to either say that this baby belongs to both of them or that without her it wouldn't be a good picture. The MC who is married to her insists she understand her value in their relationship (yeah it took you three and a half books to realize that LMAO), and that Hana belongs with her. She should never think of herself as belonging to the sidelines again, ever (maybe you should work harder on convincing her, MC, because everything you've done until now was mostly all about you and very little about Hana).

The dialogue after Ana leaves is sweet and romantic, with the MC telling Hana her hair smells of roses and Hana and the MC clinking imaginary champagne glasses, before Hana stops her in mock-surprise and promises a real (non-alcoholic) drink back in Valtoria.

Maxwell

Ana finishes the sign and gets ready for the shoot. Maxwell holds a formal pose on his knees that places more attention on the MC, adopting a severe, sombre expression. This surprises Ana, but the MC clearly knows what's up and wants him to relax. To help him, the MC distracts him (pretend you're Bertrand/imagine me naked) and that mental exercise energizes him enough so he can do this shoot in a more relaxed manner.

Once Ana packs up, Maxwell and the MC stay behind to talk, chatting about the excitement level in the kingdom and (optionally) how that excitement can't match their own (Maxwell speaks of constantly having adrenaline at this point). They jokingly speculate on the unsolicited advice they will get, and Maxwell cracks a joke about how as Bertrand's brother he was brought up on a diet of unsolicited advice. Relaxed and happy, the couple return home.

Drake

The couple see the sign Ana made, and like it because it's dignified but not too much. To which Ana responds that she didn't want to presume too much about their tastes. The shoot begins with the MC trying to think of all the pregnancy announcements she has ever seen (including one where a man yells into a breast pump like it's a telephone) and worries and becomes nervous over how to do this - and Drake calms her down by telling her a simple pose would do the trick, and most of all, to "focus on us". This calms the MC down, and she nails the simple pose alongside Drake.

The ensuing conversation between the two expands on what Drake said, where they refer to themselves as a good balance between dignified and "regular". There's a clear indication of how far they have come from that first photoshoot in this scene.

Aaaaaand...CLICK!

(Screenshots: @callmetippytumbles for Liam, @aestheticsayeed for Hana, the rash rec YouTube channel for Maxwell and @thefirstcourtesan for Drake)

• This scene is good in two routes, and not so great in two.

• The MC and her spouse go back to Valtoria, where the MC takes rest and the LI takes care of her. She can give in to her cravings (huge turkey leg, cheetah cakes, omelettes or fancy unpronounceable food), but a few weeks later she experiences a lot of nausea, to the point where she might (optionally) tell the LI that it's the worst thing they've ever done (completely normal, I assure you. A pregnant woman's hormones are unpredictable af). Both corgis (if you've bought them) help her and do their fair share of doting on her, and the LI in their own way tries to help.

• Based on who you haven't married, you get various scenes of your friends helping out:

- Liam: offers all kinds of help but the suggestion that stands out is a chicken soup recipe that belonged to his mother.

- Hana: makes a playlist of all kinds of music tracks to get mother and baby through the first trimester, including the TRH Lullaby tune which is now canonically Hana's composition. She's chosen artists from all over the world, and recorded a few of her own tracks in cases where she isn't satisfied. She also has a second trimester playlist coming up!

- Maxwell: aka the man who wrote a story about the MC but put HIS face in the cover, offers to let the MC vicariously live through him by giving her a voucher (the Maxwell Vicarious Vivacity Simulator 3000) that ensures that whenever she craves to do or have something not allowed for her, Maxwell does it on her behalf. The LI jokes about how that's a lot of power to give a person.

- Drake: Asks after the MC's welfare, and is given a choice of two things to do - either he can bring her ice-cream, or tell her the story of how the boys created their barbershop quartet so many years ago. He's perhaps the only LI who is given options for pampering the MC as a friend.

- Madeleine: The only person outside of our LIs (and later Olivia) who has an extra scene prior to the MC's ultrasound scan, is Madeleine. She gives the MC a Cordonian Ruby, explaining that it helps with nausea and that Liam's mother would swear by it. She looks concerned...and her words to the MC about making sure she takes care of herself, almost sound a bit of a warning.

Given what we find out later on in the chapter, both this sequence and the sequence where Bartie Sr comments on Regina have been placed there for a reason. Madeleine definitely knows something and there's a possibility she will have a flashback scene of her own.

If you bought the red pandas in Book 3, they will be clamouring around Madeleine for the apples as well.

• I have to laugh at how completely written out of the larger story Kiara and her family are. Even Penelope who is a non-entity and who only had something of value to give to the story when she was being a lying backstabbing snake, somehow manages to have a father in the Council and a promise of a future storyline. After all that the TRR team put Kiara through, I wouldn't even say Kiara deserves a better story. No, what I'd say is she (and Hana, definitely Hana) deserve better writers.

• I mean, you can call it a coincidence anymore, the fact that the women that the story gives the most material and most attention to, are the white women.

• This thread of sequences comes full-circle with a scene where the MC and LI sit by the lake, and where they're both shown finally coming to terms with the MC's nausea and using the tart apples as a way to make things better for the MC. There's a sweet scene in there where the LI kisses both mother and baby.

• We're finally ready to meet Dr Ramirez, and to get an ultrasound done. Olivia and her new...chauffeur, Roy, will be serving as security detail for this occasion. Wonder when we'll find out what Roy is helping her with.

• She gives you a dagger...which we might maybe end up threatening to use the next chapter? I'm guessing Olivia already has an inkling of something going down at the doctor's, since she indicates that we will know when we'll need to use it.

• Depending on whether or not you revealed the pregnancy to her last chapter, her dialogue changes. She makes a mention of it if you have. She's genuinely happy about the pregnancy, and wanted to wish the MC in person.

• Both Liam and Olivia wait outside while the MC and LI have their time with Dr Ramirez, if you're married to one of the other LIs.

• Dr Ramirez mentions that "the first few months have been treating you well"...which indicates that the MC is at least 12 weeks along (10 according to the calculations of certain countries, that count from conception onwards. Dr Ramirez also confirms this during the scan), since that's when you do the nuchal translucency scan. It usually takes place at the end of your first trimester. Which means we've effectively covered the MC's entire first three months in the span of 1/4th of a chapter, actually (considering the entire montage is approx just over 6 minutes).

• Dr Ramirez then lets slip a little factoid about Liam's mother, which baffles the couple because Liam himself never had any knowledge of this. She speaks of Eleanor's fondness for apple tea during her pregnancy and how much trouble she had with her nausea.

• Cordonian Rubies and apple tea have both been mentioned on the TRH loading page.

• If Liam isn't your LI, you call him and Olivia back to the room and ask him about this new development, and he confirms that Dr Ramirez was never mentioned in the official records, as well as the fact that she had a relatively easy pregnancy with Liam (if your LI is Liam, though, Olivia returns to the room on her own, stating that the doctor mentioned something about tea to one of the interns). But the conversation takes Olivia back to a very vague memory, and of course she needs us to go back and make sense of it. Which leads us to our first Olivia flashback!

- I have a feeling Olivia's childhood gown might be the groundwork for maybe a Theodosia outfit in TRM? Just a small guess. IDK.

- Olivia gives us a timeline for this particular incident - it was a few months after they left the Walker Ranch. As we recall, Eleanor was showing some early signs of not feeling too well, and had arguments with Constantine at the time. So if Eleanor was already pregnant by that time, she was clearly close to finishing/past her first trimester by this point.

- The setting of the scene is a mock-battle between Olivia (who plays a knight) and Drake (who plays a dragon, and they use TCaTF Dom's dragon sprite to establish how Olivia imagines him in this game). Some Dom-Drake parallels going on there.

- No matter what you choose, Olivia wins. She can either destroy the ice blast or deflect it with a fan, defeat + kill the dragon or feed him meat so he will forever be beholden to her. Either way, the options work out for her.

- At this point, possibly because nothing has really happened to Drake yet, Olivia and Drake share a pretty decent rapport. They're not thick as thieves or anything (and Olivia confirms that they were "barely" friends and turned to each other as playmates only when Liam wasn't around, if you choose to ask), but they tolerated each other enough to have fun playing while Liam is away.

- During this time, conveniently, Liam is having "lessons". Nice job writing Liam out of his own story yet again, PB (I'll explain this later). The scene is clearly centered on Olivia, with some focus on Drake via the mystery of Jackson's talk with Eleanor.

- Liam is with his mother, worried about how sick she is and wanting her company since he gets so little of it these days. And it is likely not too long before he loses her forever. My heart breaks in advance for the little guy.

-

Loads to unpack here!

* The first time I read this scene, it gave me serious Adriana-Leon vibes. It still does. Adriana has that scene where she wants to be open about her affair with Leon, and Leon declines. There's a familiarity between the two - notice how they address each other on a first name basis even though she is a queen and this was likely a time when titles and station were even more important. There is a familiarity in the way he insists on her time while Constantine is away, and despite the fact that Liam hasn't been able to spend much time with her.

* True, that familiarity is something that could also exist between close friends, the "sneaking around" could be Jackson trying to keep his BFF's secret from the king of the country. But you can't deny the Adriana-Leon parallels there.

* There is a possibility that someone else could be the father. One possibility that comes to mind for me is Bastien, mostly because his fondness for Eleanor and disdain for Regina don't exactly add up if he wasn't King Guard until Jackson died, and clearly didn't seem to have much of a relationship with the royal family otherwise that we know of. But it could work with his storyline: he gets Eleanor pregnant, she dies shortly after, Jackson takes the fall for keeping her secret and his family doesn't get the compensation they deserve, Bastien helps the children and maintains a close relationship with Drake partly because he feels responsible for Jackson's death, and he atones by following every order of Constantine's, including one that harms the foreign commoner woman that Liam was about to choose.

* Buuuut. The fact that Bastien has pretty much disappeared and is hardly even mentioned, makes this even less of a possibility, because buildup is important.

* In Jackson's case I guess the thing that doesn't entirely add up is how close Jackson and Bianca are spoken of as being. We never actually see them as a couple, but Drake gives us plenty of stories about them and their love for each other - to the point where Drake tells his dad he wants to find a girl to love as much as his father loves his mother...and Jackson unironically agrees. It's a small detail, but I think it's something that may indicate Jackson is a red herring as well.

* In conclusion, I don't know 😂

* "It's likely just hyperemesis gravidarum" 🤦🏽‍♀🤦🏽‍♀. Just? Juuuuust? That's...a serious condition. It's not just extreme vomitting or morning sickness (though that is awful too) - oftentimes it means you can't even hold fluid down, it means dehydration, it means a loss of electrolytes and even nutrient deficiency...to the point where you might even need to be hospitalized (Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, had this condition with all three of her pregnancies and was hospitalized in 2012 when she was pregnant with Prince George). I'm guessing Jackson doesn't know what the fuck those words even mean if that's his reaction!

* What should Eleanor and Jackson be prepared for?

* What are these two fearing besides Constantine discovering about this child?

* Do they know Godfrey and Bartie Sr have something or the other planned? I mean if Madeleine knew about the pregnancy there is clearly a chance she heard it from one of them. Were those two guys their main concern, and why they went alone to talk? Eleanor doesn't seem to have much trust in the Great Houses the way Constantine does, and seeing Bertrand's flashback scenes she'd be right to worry.

* How long after this did Eleanor die? Because yes there is a possibility that her second child may exist, but that depends on when the plot to poison her succeeded. And if she was far along enough to carry the child to term, or even give birth prematurely, how is it that not even the children in the palace had a clue? (the adults I can see as covering this up but it's possible to have SOME hint from the kids!). So I'm having a tough time with the idea that she managed to give birth before dying, or even that she managed to survive - unless someone was out there acting like Monte Cristo and giving her something that appeared to have the same symptoms as poison but was actually some lifesaving elixir idek. This team is capable of anything. They've retconned a zillion things so far so I wouldn't put it past them to completely retcon this as well.

- The kids have a chance of being caught by Jackson, if Olivia doesn't manage to find a good hiding place and hides behind Drake instead. But if you do succeed in hiding, we get to see Eleanor promise to spend more time with him, which Liam accepts with the grace he is usually known for.

-

@thefirstcourtesan has spoken before about the Nevrakis family's views on openly showing your pain in public, citing Diavolos' dialogues, but it also reminds me of that scene where we can defend Olivia against Lucretia, stating to her that having allies and friends to fall back on is not weakness, but common sense. The fact that little Olivia views crying as the worst thing that she could be doing, and the shock the adult Olivia shows at the MC's matter-of-fact statement on the value of support - as if such a thing had never even occurred to her - says plenty about the impact of those initial five years being the Nevrakis heir.

* What amazes me just as much, is how quickly Liam understands what is going on in Olivia's head, and how quickly he makes the situation safe for her before Drake can say anything. He's young, but perceptive enough to know not only that Olivia doesn't want to be seen crying, but also what she'd be most comfortable using as a cover for her tears. Those wounds are still fresh for Olivia at this point, making it even harder for her to stand back and rationalize - which is why it's a relief when Liam offers her an out.

* I honestly fail to understand people who claim he never cared for Olivia. It was clear from the get-go how much he valued her, he's vouched for her when very few would, he's shown concern for her multiple times - and I find it so weird that he's perceived as not concerned for her only because he doesn't return her feelings, whereas Drake can suspect a traumatized woman and never feel any remorse after she tells them the truth, and somehow that's okay (oh...I forgot. This is the Almighty St Drake we're talking about. Of course he can get away with anything).

• Is it just me or are the only scenes where the children are given extra focus and care...are the ones belonging to Drake and Olivia? The first scene, though advertised as Liam's, was really more of a group childhood scene - it was less about Liam himself and more about introducing the childhood gang. Maxwell's scene basically wrote him out so Bertrand could take centerstage! In contrast, Olivia's gives us important facts about Liam's family but focuses heavily on her grief and loss after her parents' death, and Drake's is not only intensely personal to him but also is the only childhood scene so far with variations if he is married to the MC. I shudder to think of what they will give to Hana in the name of a childhood scene, if she ever manages to get one that is.

• I honestly hope Jackson isn't the father of this child - even though there are enough hints to suggest it as a possibility (or to establish that he is a red herring). If that does transpire...then the story that should be about Liam, his mother, his family, will revolve even more around Drake. It will be about his angst. His feelings of betrayal and sadness at what his father did. His heartbreak at his hero having feet of clay.

How do I know this? Well, look at the sheer volume of things Drake has told us about Jackson over the course of these four books. Especially in playthroughs where he is getting married, you get stories upon stories upon stories about the man, one after the other. I had to wait till TRH to get even half that much information about Liam's own mother!!!

Enough. I've already seen this man eat up space that should have gone to Liam for his story, and make it all about himself (the assassination attempt, for example). At least let this one thing be just Liam's to grieve, not Drake's to take over and to make it all about him and his feelings. I've already seen him do this for every LI - the truth of Hana's return had to come from him, we spent most of Shanghai cajoling him into fixing his relationship with Maxwell instead of learning more about Hana, the entire Beaumont story was swallowed whole just to accommodate more story for his sister.

Of course, if Bastien is a possibility, the same problem would still arise because the writers were somehow desparate to make him close to Drake, than to Liam who would have been one of his wards to do security for.

• Olivia, Liam, the MC (+ LI in other playthroughs) discuss what the discussion between Eleanor and Jackson could mean. If the MC doesn't figure out that Eleanor was pregnant, Liam does - having read up on Hyperemesis Gravidarum (at least in my playthrough).

• Olivia's choice of words about Constantine is interesting - "Constantine never caught whoever killed Queen Eleanor"...which, well, most of us have an idea that Constantine might have done some covering up with regards to Eleanor's pregnancy and death - but does Olivia suspect this too? The wording makes me feel like she has some idea.

• Anyway, it's time for our scan! Dr Ramirez speaks of this as the 10 week mark (over here in India it's referred to as the 12 week mark - so we wouldn't say 1 week when we find out, we'd say 4). I was initially surprised the MC didn't opt for the 7-8 week scan, but I've been told in some places it's common to start with the nuchal translucency scan (which is this one).

• It's a lovely scene overall in terms of how the LIs react to the experience - each option (both to the initial image of the child on the screen, and to the photograph later) comes with varied dialogue depending on the LI. They're all happy, emotional, and in some cases (like Maxwell's) it's sinking in that there's an actual baby coming out from all of this.

• Around this time, the foetus also has hands and legs and you can see them kicking around like nobody's business coz "o wow, what's this" is probably what they're experiencing at this point 😅

• The dude from the press conference tries really hard to pretend he is an intern and not a dude we met in a press conference - but his acting skills are about as good as his knowledge of pregnancy in general.

• I have a feeling that if we don't catch him next chapter, Liam and Olivia will, and we may get some answers at least on the score of all the paparazzi related suspicious stuff that's been happening - therefore leading us to a hint about one of the places we are "allying" with?

• I also have a feeling that both places - Auvernal and Monterisso - will be established as suspicious eventually, for varying reasons. Right now we're getting signs via Olivia that the Auvernese are planning something big, but I doubt Monterisso is going to be left behind in all this. Perhaps the journalist might offer some hints/leave behind some clues as to where he was from...and it might warrant a visit to that place just to investigate? I'd see Monterisso as more likely, if that is the case. Because I do believe the team will have us visit this place just once at least. I may be wrong, but let's see.

• General Thoughts:

- Sigh. We knew this would happen, wouldn't we. The team would spend nine whole chapters on largely irrelevant shit that could have been cut out and pared down to maybe 4 chapters max (but 2 chapters would have been perfect. After all, Hana's Shanghai segment was only two chapters, and we spent one of them trying to make Drake behave less like an angry toddler. It's only fair that Drake gets as little space, yknow), but now we're at the point where we're rushing through the first trimester alone.

- The announcement shoot scene was nice...but again extremely uneven across playthroughs. Both Liam and Drake's scenes were written largely as callbacks to their engagement shoots. In Liam's engagement shoot there was a pressure to represent both decorum and warmth - but in this shoot they explain to Ana that they clearly lean more to the side of warmth, and want to show that side of themselves. In Drake's engagement shoot, Drake is the one who is nervous and trying to fit in, with the MC helping him loosen up and be his natural self, while in the baby shoot he fulfils that role for her by stating to her that they could be having fancy trimmings but simple in their way of delivering the news. Do Maxwell and Hana get this kind of effort in their scenes? No. Not at all.

- Maxwell's engagement photoshoot scene was about the couple getting used to their relationship, and remembering what made their love blossom (pun fully intended). By the logic of the other two scenes, this one should have explored in some way how they've grown as a couple, but it doesn't. They didn't even bother to put half the effort into this scene that they did in the other two.

- Hana's engagement shoot initially explored her fears of turning into her parents, that she is not taking the MC's opinion into account. The MC gets to reassure her then. Unfortunately, they dropped that arc completely after that scene. So I can get an idea of why this particular scene is different, but I hate that they chose to drop such a compelling story for Hana and I would have honestly loved to see a parallel to that.

- The fact that the MC could tell Hana that she should never be in the sidelines is kinda sweet, granted, but actions speak louder than words, and most of the MC's actions re: Hana so far have been the exact opposite of what she's saying there.

- The team should have at least nailed this one scene for everyone, if not anything else - since this had the biggest variations. Yet they couldn't be bothered to do a good job of all of them?? Only two???

- Come to think of it, if the plot actually culminates in the presence of this extra child, there is one scene in Book 3 that could hint at it. The film that Liam takes the MC to watch at Castelserraillian, revolves around a couple named Lionel and Ramona (geddit?? Liam and Riley!) and their romance amidst a plot from a half-brother to usurp the throne (the name given in the movie is Percival, which coincidentally is Maxwell's middle name).

- The intrigue is nice, it does its job of raising more questions while offering a few answers, but I find it ironic that even in a plot that's about Liam's family, Liam himself seems unimportant and his feelings unexplored. You'd think that with an experience like that, where we've just heard about his mother not being able to spend a lot of time with him (perhaps months before her death)...you'd think that would elicit more of a reaction than "okay cool let's investigate". I know for a fact that if it were Drake there would be a whole extra set dialogues unlocked in the romantic route. I know that, because that's exactly what happened at Walker Ranch. Again, no other character who had a childhood flashback scene so far, got any opportunities to weigh in on how they felt after the narration was done.

- Other people's feelings and experiences taking precedence over Liam's own, in scenes/events that should be about him, is nothing new. In Book 2, we get to know about an assassination attempt on Liam...but that story revolves around Drake's pain and Drake's sacrifice. We never get to know how Liam felt about this, ever. In Book 3, when we should have been learning more about his mother, she's mentioned only a handful times instead. Again in Book 3, Liam sees his own father die, but his feelings are largely brushed aside to make space for more Drake hypocrisy (like his behaviour towards Kiara in Lythikos) and Drake observations (like the chat about Liam's hurt feelings in his playthrough, which only Drake is allowed to talk about).

- And this is the root of the current problem really. That they need to involve and include Drake and his family in everything that they can possibly involve him in (I mean, the only childhood scene he is out of, is the Beaumont Brothers one, and even then the brother that gets all the focus is the one that is marrying Drake's sister). That they probably might write the story in such a way that it's skewed in Drake's favour, will explore Drake's issues the most, before they even bother to explore anyone else's. Even now that we're out of the Walker Ranch storyline, the writing still shows a possibility that Drake's feelings (whether Jackson is the father of Eleanor's second child or not) may be explored more - just by virtue of there being way more material about Jackson than there ever was on Eleanor. Both Liam and Drake look up to Eleanor and Jackson respectively, but just by what I've read so far I already have an idea whose truth may hit harder.

- I still can't get over the fact that the writers have coded Hana's traditional black outfit in the way that they have...so that now, even if you did buy it, it's nowhere to be seen. The plain black dress is pretty but I can't stand to even look at it now.

- Perhaps the reason why Lorelai is being depicted negatively in this series, is not really her treatment of Hana (that should have been reason enough IMO) - since this very team has proved already that they don't exactly care that Hana was abused in that home and had her forgive the likes of Lorelai and Xinghai instead. There's a possibility that they're pushing for a more negative portrayal because she has some involvement or other in all this, and that is how they may create a Hana flashback scene as well. Though I'm not convinced they will place even half the effort on such a scene as they have on Olivia's scene this week.

- If that is the way the story is going, perhaps the larger theme of family then will involve the LIs seeing the family members they so respected, with actual feet of clay that will be hard for them to handle emotionally. Besides intrigue, it will also be a lesson to those very LIs to not repeat the mistakes their families made.

- I find the scene post press conference interesting, since there are tiny hints there that I feel we shouldn't be ignoring. The convenient placement of Godfrey, Regina and Bartie Sr, Bartie Sr's side-comment on Regina who is after all from the Krona duchy and who is related to Godfrey by marriage, Madeleine's offering of apples and her cryptic message to the MC to take care of herself...all of that adds up to something.

- Too bad only white people are allowed to take centerstage in this story.

• Anyway, that's for now from me. Until Saturday, guys!

[badchoicesposts]

Loyalty or Royalty

Chapter 1

Summary: Mia Bhatt spent years trying to escape her past, trying to escape the feeling of betrayal that was left in her heart after the fire, and she finally had. She was marrying the King of Cordonia and was finally going to get her happily ever after. But, after a momentary lapse in judgement caused her to send a wedding invitation to someone she was sure had forgotten about her, she realizes that sometimes the past has a way of crawling back to you.

Author’s Note: In this fic Anton and The Sons of Earth were caught before the wedding. Also this story will contain flashbacks that will be in italics. 

Pairing: Liam x MC (Mia Bhatt), Platonic!Colt x MC, MC x The Mercy Park Crew

Taglist: @flowerpowell​, @dcbbw​, @texaskitten30​, @kingliam2019, @hopefulmoonobject, @lovehugsandcandy, @los-cafeteros​, @desiree-0816​

I tagged anyone who showed interested in the prologue I posted, so if you would like to be added to or removed from the taglist please let me know! Thanks for reading!

Prologue

Mia walked briskly towards him, raising her fist and punching him square on the nose. 

“What the hell, Mellie?” he groaned loudly, cupping his hand around his nose. “You can’t use the things I taught you against me!”

If Mia had been in a lighter mood she would have pointed out that Colt never actually taught her how to punch. He had tried to and ended up finding out the hard way that she already knew what she was doing.

The door to the room was thrown open and Bastien, Drake, and Mara pushed their way in, taking in the scene in front of them with concern. Mara was clutching the arm of a girl Mia would have recognized anywhere. Ellie Wheeler. 

~~~

“You knew she was a cop’s daughter didn’t you?” Mia asked, pushing herself into Teppei’s office after everyone else in the crew had gone to bed. The man was looking over some documents at his desk, the reading glasses he refused to admit he needed in front of everyone else perched on his nose.

“Amelia, stay out of this,” Teppei instructed, his voice stern. 

Mia rolled her eyes and dropped down onto the couch at the side of the office.

“This is a bad idea, and don’t call me Amelia.”

“Amelia, I told you to stay out of this,” Teppei continued, not even bothering to look up at her. “I won’t repeat myself again.”

His tone left no room for arguing, but Mia was always the only person who could push him. He had a soft spot for her. 

“But, it’s not safe. If she changes her mind about all of this then it’s over. You’re in jail, and I’m homeless,” she retorted, to which Kaneko chuckled. 

Teppei had done everything in his power to keep Mia away from The Mercy Park Crew’s dealings, and she hadn’t fought him on it the way Colt had. She had no desire to be a car thief. But, she still lived with these people. Even if she didn’t know the details of what they were doing, she knew that it was illegal.

“Oh, so this is all about you?” he asked her. 

“Isn’t everything?” she shot back sarcastically. 

“I know what I’m doing, Amelia,” Teppei said, shooing her out of the room. 

“Fine, but when this all blows up in your face don’t come crying to me.”

~~~

“What’s going on in here?” Bastien asked, his expression concerned.

“What the hell is she doing here?” Mia practically shrieked, gesturing wildly to the other woman. “What are you doing here?”

“I got your invitation. I’m here to give you away,” Colt said, finally moving his hand away from his face and looking at her with a sad expression. Mia scoffed angrily, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Bhatt, is everything okay?” Drake asked, looking at her, his face a mixture of confusion and concern. 

“Everything’s fine, Mara, Bastien,” she said, plastering on a fake smile and nodding at the two of them. “Drake can you and Ellie stay for a minute.”

Drake nodded at her slowly, and Mara released Ellie’s arm, the two guards departing and leaving the four of them alone. 

“Drake, this is Colt. Colt, this is Drake,” she introduced, beginning to pace back and forth in front of the two of them. 

Drake was the only one who knew about her past. He was the only one she knew she could trust with it. The only one she wasn’t afraid of judging her. She trusted Liam. She did, and she loved him more than anything, but she was scared. She was scared of what he would think of her if he knew how closely she had associated herself with criminals. She felt guilty for keeping that part of herself hidden from him. She wasn’t exactly lying to him, but she was actively holding back, and she knew that she shouldn’t be. But she couldn’t bring herself to get over the fear of what could happen if she told him about that part of herself. It sounded so selfish thinking about it that way. He had every right to know about it, but whenever she tried to explain it to him she froze up. 

The clock was ticking. She was supposed to walk down the aisle in fifty-seven minutes, but instead of the nervous and excited butterflies that she was supposed to be getting, she was struggling with feelings of hurt and anger. She glared over at Colt and Ellie once again, an uncomfortable tension filling the room. 

“What do you want to do here, Bhatt?” Drake asked her in an undertone. 

She let out another angry growl.

“Go get him changed into something decent. I can’t believe he showed up to give me away in a fucking ten year old leather jacket,” she said angrily. 

Drake nodded and motioned for Colt to follow him out of the room. 

“Take her with you!” she called after them, nodding her head towards Ellie. 

The bang of the door closing sounded as loud and as violent as a gunshot. Mia dropped down to the floor, her wedding dress pooling around her as she wrapped her arms around herself. She forced back her tears, unsure of what she was truly feeling and wanting to keep her makeup from getting ruined. 

“It’s wedding time!” Maxwell’s happy voice pulled Mia out of her conflicting thoughts. 

“Oh, my god. Sweetie, are you alright?” Ximena asked, the two of them rushing to her side once they noticed her sitting on the floor.

“Colt is here,” she said to the other woman.

“What?” Ximena asked, shocked at her words as she pulled her to her feet. 

“I sent an invitation to the P.O. box. I don’t know why, but I did and now he’s here,” she said.

Kaneko had a P.O. box in Gary, Indiana, that only he and Colt had access to, set up specifically for this reason. If anything happened and the crew was separated, it was supposed to be a way for them to keep in touch with each other. The location was chosen by none other than Mia herself because of the song from The Music Man, and even though the father and son were almost always at each other’s throats, the one thing they bonded over was teasing Mia about her love of musicals. 

The night the auto shop burned down and Teppei died had been the last time she had seen Colt. Mia only had one friend outside of the crew, a girl with long brown hair named Sara. Sara had been freaked out when they both showed up to her house covered in soot and crying over Kaneko, but she had let them spend the night there anyway. Sometime early in the morning, after Mia had finally fallen asleep, Colt snuck out of the house and that was the last she had seen or heard from him. She had tried calling his cell phone only to find out that the number was disconnected so she turned to the only means of communication she could think of. Mia had sent countless messages to the P.O. box, hoping that he would get them and find some way to signal to her that he was still okay. But, he never did, and after the first two years she had given up. She would still send him Christmas and birthday cards, though. There was still a part of her that just couldn’t let her best friend go. 

However, around that same time she had gotten back in contact with the rest of the crew. Toby and Ximena had actually been on the run together and reached out to her while in New York. The same had happened with Logan and Mona, although Mona never settled down in the city. She continued to move around, never wanting to stay in one place for too long.

When Mia had sent Colt the wedding invitation she had been wine drunk and overly emotional. It had been right after Madeleine had asked her who she wanted to give her away, and she had stumbled over her words nervously before running out of the room and bursting into tears. So, she had sent the invitation. She hadn’t really expected a response, but she couldn’t help herself. When a few days passed without anything, she had settled on asking Colt’s mother, Annya. She was the only family she had left. She was the only person she was even close to after everything had happened at the shop in LA. Mia had never been the most outgoing person in the first place. She was closed off and had always struggled with trusting people and opening herself up, and that only worsened after the fire and losing all of her loved ones. Sure, some of them had come back, but there was also a nagging voice in her that kept asking her for how long. She felt selfish for thinking that way. 

They left because they needed to. However, opening up that line of thought always led her down a path of destruction. It led her through the thought process of thinking that they were criminals and that’s why they needed to leave. But, then she would remind herself that just because they had broken the law didn’t mean that they were terrible people. Sure their actions weren’t right, but almost everyone in the crew didn’t have any other options. They turned to a life of crime because they had no other choice. Everyone except for Colt. He had done it because he had this desperate need to please his father. The situation was so fucked up for everyone involved and thinking too deep into the grey areas just made her upset. 

Liam had been like a breath of fresh air. He had made her feel loved when she felt like she didn’t deserve to be. He made her smile when she felt like crying. He made her feel safe and happy when she felt alone and scared. Along with Liam came Drake, Maxwell, Bertrand, Hana, Leo, and Olivia. It was almost overwhelming, going from having one person in her corner to having so many. Sure, she had the rest of the crew, but she was never as close to them as she was to Colt, and a part of her was afraid that something would happen and they would all up and leave again. But, the friend group she had joined in Cordonia was close knit, and they were all in it for the long haul. They weren’t ready to pack up and abandon each other at the last minute if need be. They were there for each other through the good and the bad. Although, the bad didn’t typically mean trying to murder and a group of cops to win a turf war. 

“Who’s Colt?” Maxwell’s confused voice pulls Mia out of her thoughts. 

“I am,” Colt’s voice cuts through the room before she has the chance to answer. 

They all looked up to see him and Drake reentering the room, Colt wearing a dress shirt and black blazer with black slacks. Ximena looked surprised to see him, but walked over to give him a bone crushing hug anyway. Colt groaned into the hug, but smiled nevertheless when Ximena pulled away. 

“Ellie?” Ximena gasped in shock, moving over to where the girl was standing next to Drake and repeating the process. 

Mia continued to take in Colt’s appearance, her icy demeanor going back up at his presence. 

“You look just like your father,” she said coolly, and he truly did with his hair so much longer than the last time she saw him. “Does your mother know you’re here?” 

Colt awkwardly shifted his weight from one foot to the other at hearing her question. 

“Uh, no. I never told her,” he said, refusing to make eye contact with her. 

“Of course you didn’t. Because why would you bother to let the people who care about you know where you are,” she responded sarcastically, causing the room to fill with an uncomfortable silence. 

“Okay, Mia, let’s fix your makeup,” Ximena said clapping her hands together and walking back over to her to turn her towards the small vanity set up in the room. She was very obviously trying to change the subject and for the time being it worked well enough. 

Ximena got to work redoing her eye makeup as everyone shuffled around the room nervously, not looking at or talking to each other.

“Knock, knock!” Toby called, him and Logan pushing themselves into the room as well. “Oh my god! Colt! Ellie!”

Mia closed her eyes and took a deep breath to center herself. However, she couldn’t calm her rapidly beating heart, and she was on the verge of a panic attack. Just when she thought she couldn’t handle anything else, the sound of Annya gasping loudly broke out through the room. She stood in the doorway, looking at her son in shock. There were tears in her eyes as she looked over to where Mia was on the verge of a breakdown as well. 

“Everyone get out,” Mia finally said, not being able to handle how crowded the room was now. 

Drake, Maxwell, Ximena, Colt, Ellie, Toby, Logan, and Annya were all squished in, and she felt like the walls were closing in on her. 

“Everyone get out. I can’t do this,” she said, ushering them out as best as she could in her wedding dress. “Drake, can you get Liam?” 

Drake nodded and left the room at once, and Mia slid down against the wall and closed her eyes, trying to calm herself down. There was a knock on the door a moment later, and she let out a sigh of relief.

“I’m coming in, my love,” Liam’s voice called from the other side of the door causing her to smile. 

Despite everything that was going on at the moment, she could stop the laugh from tumbling out of her lips as she entered the room with a sleeping mask over his eyes.

“Li, what are you doing?” she chuckled, getting up and walking towards him so that he could find her easier. 

“I’m not supposed to see the bride before the wedding.”

She noticed the wide smile on his face upon feeling her next to him, and she couldn’t help but smile herself. She always loved the feeling of being in Liam’s arms. The man was well over six feet tall, and she just barely reached five in the right pair of heels. However, despite their large height difference, their bodies fit together perfectly. He made her feel safe when he held her. It felt like she was supposed to be there. 

“What’s wrong, love?” Liam murmured as she nestled herself into his arms. 

“Li, I don’t want you to hate me,” she said, pushing her face into his shoulder as she felt tears well up in her eyes again. “But, there are things I never told you about me, about my past. Things that I don’t have time to get into right now, but that are coming back into my life.”

Liam tightened his grip on her and gently ran his hand up and down her back in a soothing manner.

“What do you mean, Mia?” he asked softly.

“An old friend of mine, Colt, showed up today,” she said.

“An old friend?” 

“He was my best friend. He was like my brother. We’ve known each other since we were in diapers, and he was the only person I ever fully trusted with myself until I met you, but then we grew up and things got complicated. We haven’t spoken in seven years, but he showed up today. He was always the one that was supposed to give me away, and now he’s here and wants to do it, but I don’t know if I can let him.”

“I can’t tell you what to do if I don’t know the full story. But, this friend of yours, Colt. If he means that much to you, maybe you should let him do it. You may regret it otherwise,” he said, pressing a soft kiss to her hairline. 

Mia pulled away from Liam’s embrace and began pacing back and forth once again. 

“What aren’t you telling me about this?” Liam asked, trying to reach for her again but failing because he couldn’t see. 

“It’s a long story. A very, very long story,” she said, letting out a frustrated breath. “One that I would prefer to have when I’m not wearing a wedding dress and you’re not blindfolded. And also preferably when I have five or six drinks in me.”

“What do you want to do my love?” Liam asked her.

“I want to marry you. I want that more than anything,” she said, moving back over to him and pushing herself up onto her toes to press a soft kiss to his lips. 

“Good, because I want to marry you,” he responded, resting his hands on her hips. 

“I think I want him to do it. Thank you. You always know what I need to hear,” she muttered against his skin, laughing softly when she noticed the red lipstick stain on the side of his face. 

“What is it?” he asked, moving his head to look around the room but not being able to see anything because of the mask over his eyes. 

“Stay still, I got some lipstick on you,” she murmured, grabbing a makeup wipe from the vanity and rubbing it over the stain. “I can’t wait to marry you in a few minutes.”

“Neither can I.”

~~~

Mia took a deep breath as she stepped up between Colt and Annya. She took Colt’s arm with her left hand, trying her best to bite back her discomfort as she held her bouquet in her other hand. Annya took hold of her right arm and shot her a sympathetic smile. 

A part of her felt guilty for throwing the woman out of the room with everyone else. His mother was probably struggling with Colt’s random appearance even more than she was. However, in the end, Liam was right. She was angry now, and she planned on letting him know just how angry later, but he was here, and she wanted him to be there for the wedding. 

The church doors were thrown open and Mia met Liam’s eyes at the end of the long aisle. She could see the wide smile on his face and the unshed tears glistening in his eyes as he took in her appearance. By the time the three of them had made it to the end of the aisle, they were both already crying. Annya gave her arm a gentle squeeze and pressed a quick kiss to her cheek before taking her seat. Mia turned to Colt, unlatching her arm from his and looking at him pointedly. The moment seemed to drag on forever, but after a while, Colt pulled her into a tight hug. 

Mia’s body stiffened uncomfortably for a moment, before she wrapped her arms around him as well, relaxing into his embrace. She squeezed him tightly for a moment, before pulling back and shooting him a strained smile. They parted ways, and Colt moved to take his seat next to his mother as Liam approached her. 

All of her stress immediately melted away as she looked into the bright blue eyes of her future husband. 

“You look breathtaking, love,” Liam whispered, gripping her hands tightly. 

“We have gathered here today, to join this man and this woman in the sacred bond of marriage,” Leo said, beginning the ceremony and pulling their attention back to the actual wedding. 

As the ceremony carried on, Mia couldn’t wipe the large, lovesick smile off of her face. She could feel everyone’s eyes on her, but she couldn’t take hers off of Liam.

“I pronounce you husband and wife. Brother, you may now kiss the bride,” Leo says causing the two of them to smile widely. 

Mia practically pounced on her husband, her arms going around his neck as the two shared their first kiss as a married couple. Liam wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her impossibly close as he returned the gesture to loud cheers coming from all around them.

“I love you, my king,” Mia mumbled against his lips. 

“I love you too, my queen,” Liam responded. 

[bi-outta-cordonia]

A Courtesan of Rome is ending, albeit hurriedly, but here’s the thing:

Xanthe was a waste.

We are given a book that is ultimately historical fiction, allows us to travel back in time to one of the most infamous moments of all time and, along the way, we play as a lone woman in a historical context who is given the power to change the world.

Along the way we meet a plethora of people, each of which plays a role in the story one way or another, with the exception of one.

Xanthe was sold to Lena as a little girl. She’s been trained to become a courtesan since she was a child. We are introduced to her as being a vapid and jealous woman, one who takes pride in her craft nonetheless but is in danger of being pushed out of the comfortable position she’s made for herself in Rome.

Think for a second about the implications behind Xanthe being trained to be a courtesan since she was a little girl. Sabina was married to Legate Aquila when she was between ten and twelve years old. There was an acute sense of horror that players were expected to feel for Sabina because, well, she was forced to become a child bride for the sake of her father needing to advance his political station. Her father used her as a tool, as something he could bargain with rather than love her like a parent would love their child. We felt bad for Sabina, we sympathized with Sabina, 

So now think of a child being trained to please men. She has no family, no one to protect her, no one to fall back on if she messes up because she’s truly all alone. Her routine is entirely of her learning to become sexually appealing to men and, if she is not successful in doing that, she will be thrown out onto the streets and forced to fend for herself from others that would have no qualms with using her for their own gain. 

She is a child when she’s forced to do this, she grows into a woman that then becomes exceptionally skilled at her craft. She learns the ins and outs of the types that frequently seek her out. She learns who the most powerful patrons are and learns how to charm them with but a smile and a few words. She has been training to do this since she was a girl, sold to the people who trained her as a slave meant to serve them and bring them money. She is forced to do this because she has no other choice. 

Perhaps she grows into the role. Grows into the idea of having independence and a reputation better than most of the senators’ wives have. She is her own woman, allowed to purchase her own things, allowed to move freely within particular social circles, and all this is due to the fact that she successfully learned how to play the game and win. She’s thriving and it’s what she needs for the moment. 

But then, here comes some other girl. She’s older by the time she arrives but the girl’s new owners are already fawning over her. They are providing the girl with every advantage, giving her the most powerful patrons. The girl is new, has only been training for a few years at most, but she’s receiving some of the better paying patrons who are supplying her with a lifestyle she was not raised to know. 

This puts the child who grew into the woman in a dangerous position--by losing the wealthier patrons, she loses a good chunk of her income--she becomes useless to the owners and risks being cast away from a position she’s held for years. 

This has been the core of Xanthe’s actual problem with us, not jealousy but fear, and I can’t honestly blame her for feeling that. We were a newcomer, someone who cared not for Rome or any of its trappings. Someone who didn’t care about wealth and power. We came to the scholae already outright rejecting Roman customs but Xanthe was forced to embody them as a child in order to survive. 

Every thing she had been through, all that she had to become in order to simply live in Rome was something she endured as a child. Given that this is her history, it begs the question: why wasn’t she allowed the complexity and depth to be a voice for those that have long since found themselves voiceless?

She was a courtesan in Rome, a woman with no past, sold to Lena as a child, and she never gets a chance to interrogate the systems that bred her or the institution that used her in such egregious ways. She never got to ask “why did this happen to me,” never got to curl her lip in disgust as another senator palmed her dress, never got to seethe as another batch of young girls shuffled through the scholae in tatters with tears in their eyes as Lena explained what their new life would entail. 

The idea that we had Xanthe here to be a complex character that let us see through the lens of history and realize that a lot of what people think of Rome as a civilization is just seen through rose tinted glasses. Rome had brutality of a variety--with Syphax we see the broken justice system, with Antony we see how easily and willingly those who had power would abuse it without hesitation, and with us as the MC we see how brutal and violent the campaigns were for those who were not Roman. 

Xanthe could’ve been another voice, another look into the world of women and the society of Rome. We could’ve had the potential to open up to her and get her side of things. 

We could’ve learned that she knew her parents. We could’ve cried when she described the first time she tended to a patron. We could’ve seethed with anger when she voiced her concerns for the other girls who got dragged into our mess after Legate Aquila ransacked the scholae. We could’ve helped distract a particularly difficult patron so she could breathe for a moment or pushed off a more powerful patron to her as a gesture of kindness. 

We could’ve sat down with her and explained what Caesar did to our family, did to our homeland. We could’ve explained that we are not here because we choose to be, but because we had those choices taken from us by the Romans and their constant thirst for power. We could’ve been the lens from which she finally understood that absolute power corrupts and casts despair upon those who are not strong enough to deflect it. We could’ve seen her breakdown and throw amphoras, break mirrors, shred her clothes as she ranted about Rome, fucking Rome, Rome and its constant need to conquer the shiniest and prettiest new things. 

We could’ve still had angry, vengeful Xanthe but instead of having her be a vapid airhead, she could’ve been so hurt and so distraught after we explained that Legate Aquila almost forced us to have sex with him had it not been for his wife who finally found the courage to stand up to him. 

We could’ve had angry, vengeful Xanthe who told us that she would not forgive us for what happened to the other girls or to Syphax, but she would sooner risk death by spitting on the Legate for attempting to force us to do what we had been given the choice not to do with patrons. 

We could’ve had angry, vengeful Xanthe who would tell us that we are insane for thinking we could possibly bring down a Legate but who would also go on to provide bits of useful information she gleaned from other senators in regards to Aquila’s movements. 

We could’ve had angry, vengeful Xanthe who would butt heads with Lena and teach girls unconventional lessons that the older woman would never teach them; lessons that Xanthe would then teach MC in a few exclusive scenes once she finds out that Antony intends to give her as a gift. 

We could’ve had angry, vengeful Xanthe who would still call us a fool knowing we plan to make good on killing Caesar and who would subtly stir unrest amongst her own patrons for the sake of taking vengeance on not just Caesar, but on Rome--for robbing her and other girls like her of their families, of their lives, of their personhood for the sake of building a utopia they never wanted to be a part of. 

We could’ve had angry, vengeful Xanthe who still didn’t like us but respected us for having the courage to refute Rome at every step--for being able to grow up our own woman. 

Instead, Xanthe remained vapid and useless, only meant to be the jealous and bitter rival who, in the grand scheme of things, did not really matter. Xanthe who was villainized at every step and Xanthe who we so boldly claimed we could’ve been friends with even though, at no point throughout the entire story, did we ever get an option to actually be nice to her. 

But sure, we’ll let Madeleine have a redemption arc even though she spent all of The Royal Romance belittling us for being less wealthy than her, after she humiliated our closest friends, after she made us go pick up the wedding ring the man we loved was likely gonna slip onto her finger, and after she offered no apology to us for her past behavior whatsoever. 

We’ll let Penelope just sweep the fact that she helped orchestrate a literal sexual assault on us so that we would be photographed in a compromising position and was absolutely rewarded for her efforts, a thing she did without a shred of guilt until after we put two and two together and confronted her about.

We’ll let Sebastian have a redemption arc after he literally stole money from the university he attended, money that could’ve helped pay for scholarships and other resources that different educational programs needed, which of course came before he tried to cut all scholarships that weren’t purely academic just to spite a few people he didn’t like, and of course again after he sabotaged the boiler in our house and could’ve seriously injured someone.

We’ll let Landry have a redemption arc after he gave the most superficial reasoning for why he decided to throw our friendship under the bus and did so by way of endangering actual patient lives by turning off our pager, taking our patients’ charts, and just flat out telling lies about us to the nurses which seriously damaged our ability to do our fucking job. 

We’ll let all these people slide with the proper consideration to the plethora of conditions that give us a complex look at why they did what they did--Madeleine because she was byproduct of a loveless marriage and has never understood that people are driven by empathy rather than practicality, Penelope because she had anxiety and could never have survived in the court without a serious edge over her peers, Sebastian because he had a fucked up childhood, and Landry I guess because he’s not used to losing,

But we don’t have any room or sympathy in our hearts for the woman who was taken from her family as a child, sold into slavery, and forced to learn young how to shut her mouth and be pretty or else she’d be cast into destitution for the rest of her life? How sway?

[alj4890]

Choices September Challenge

Day 16 I'm Sorry

(Thomas Hunt x oc*Amanda) in a Choices Red Carpet Diaries/The Royal Romance Crossover drabble.

A/N This is actually a fic I have had sitting in my draft folders forever. Someone a while back requested another first time meeting gone horribly wrong for this OTP and I kept getting stuck on the ending. Once more, let’s get these two stubborn people together, LOL!

@choicesseptemberchallenge20​ @xjustin-ethansgirliex​ @lovealexhunt@lxaah11​   @alleksa16​   @penguininapinktuxedo​   @blackcoffee85​   @stopforamoment​     @hopelessromantic1352​     @krsnlove​     @annekebbphotography​        @hopelessromantic1352​   . @sunflowergirl05​   @desireepow-1986​  @greywitchyshots​   @moodyvalentinestories​  @emceesynonymroll​   @my-heart-beats-for-ya​ @aworldoffandoms​   @ab1901​     @lolablackwrites​     @flyawayboo​   @i-bloody-love-drake-walker​   . @trappedinfandoms​   @kate-mckenzie​

Masterlist

Great Expectations

Olivia quirked an eyebrow in question as Amanda walked into her suite.

Instead of the usual calm, sweet greeting followed by an attempt to coerce her into doing something fun, Amanda threw her purse across the room and let out a strange, strangled noise that sounded suspiciously like a string of curse words trying to be smothered by guilt.

"I would ask what is wrong, but I assume you are about to tell me." Olivia drily remarked.

"Remember when I was excited that Maxwell invited us all to come here and see how The Royal Romance movie was going?" Amanda asked.

"I believe I recall you skipping down the palace halls." Olivia responded.

Amanda narrowed her eyes at her. "Well, the skipping is done." She flopped face down on Olivia's couch. "I hate everything here." She mumbled into the cushions.

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Must we succumb to overly dramatic behavior?"

Amanda turned her face toward her. "Are you seriously asking me this when just last week you threatened to throw every dagger you had at the waiter for accidentally calling you Madeleine?"

Olivia flicked her hand dismissively. "Details." She sat down in a chair across from her friend. "What happened?"

Amanda closed her eyes. "It all started this morning."

****************

Around 8 a.m., The Beverly Wilshire...

"Wake up!" Maxwell burst into Amanda's suite and proceeded to jump on her bed.

"Wha?" Amanda rolled off of it in a tangle of blankets. "What time is it?"

"Time for you to get ready and go to the studio." He leaped off her bed and went straight to her closet. "Hmm." He pulled one dress out after another. "Is this all you packed?"

Amanda stumbled over to the closet. "Why are you going through my clothes?"

He finally settled on a skirt and sweater. "I need you to go to the studio and give this to Thomas Hunt.” He held up a large manila envelope. "Within this lies the very heart of The Royal Romance."

She blinked sleepily a few times. "Why do I have to do this?" She gestured toward his body. "You're already dressed and fully compos mentis."

His dimples deepened with his grin. "You shouldn't use Latin if you are trying to get out of this with the excuse that you are dumb with sleep." He gently pushed her into the bathroom. "Get ready. I arranged a surprise for you."

"What kind of sur--" her words were cut off by him shutting the door.

She dropped her head back in frustration while going through a list of reasons why she shouldn't crawl back into bed. It was then followed by a list of reasons of what Maxwell would do to get her to do this. After a quick three minutes of debate, she reluctantly started the shower.

****************

Olivia’s suite

"So, this is about making you get up early this morning?" Olivia snorted. "This is why I don't give my room keys to anyone."

"It wasn't that horrific event that cemented this burning hatred of mine." Amanda turned over on her back and stared up at the ceiling. "It was that jerk, Thomas Hunt."

Olivia did not bother to hide her surprise. "Wasn't he the reason you had that little hop to your skipping?"

Amanda closed her eyes. "They say never meet your heroes."

"He's a hero?!" Olivia wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Does the man even know how to fight?"

"I don't mean that kind of hero!" Amanda muttered. She let out another strangled, frustrated sound. "I admired him. His movies are some of my favorites."

"And you certainly never shied away from admiring his underwear modeling days." Olivia artfully dodged to the right when Amanda threw a decorative pillow at her. "Wasn't there a poster in your bedroom at one point?"

“FINE! I THOUGHT HE WAS ATTRACTIVE!" Amanda shouted. "Today proved differently."

"Was he not in his underwear?" Olivia easily batted a second throw pillow away that was aimed for her face. "What did he do?"

****************

Earlier that day, at the studio…

"I've seen your picture in magazines."

Amanda smiled at the intern escorting her toward Thomas Hunt's office. "Hopefully, I didn't look like I normally do." She shuddered. "I take horrible photographs."

"I thought you looked pretty." The hopeful actress replied. "You and Queen Riley were laughing at Maxwell Beaumont."

Amanda chuckled at that. "So, a normal day was photographed?"

The girl's phone vibrated. "I have to go handle this." She apologized to the duchess. "Mr. Hunt's office is the last door on the left."

"Thank you." Amanda watched her leave, then pulled out Maxwell's packet for the script. "Why did I agree to deliver this?" She mumbled as she continued down the long hallway.

When she reached the door, she paused before knocking. Voices raised in what sounded like anger could be heard.

Not wanting to walk in on an argument, Amanda checked to make certain no one else was in the hallway. She then pressed her ear to the door.

******************

"You know I don't have time to cater to a rich, spoiled woman! Maxwell is now suggesting that I take this--" Thomas checked the text message once more. "This Lady Amanda on not only a more in-depth tour of the studio but also to some of the historical sites around Los Angeles." He slammed a drawer shut to help rid himself of his mounting irritation. "If I ever act remotely interested in another story from some playboy royal, you have my permission to have me committed to the nearest asylum."

Holly rolled her eyes at his dramatic outburst. "Then don't take her out. It's a simple fix."

"If Maxwell's unhappy then the studio heads will become upset." He explained. "Next, it rolls downhill on us." He glared out the window. "What right does this duchess have to demand I take her around as her glorified tour guide?!"

"It might not be so bad." Addison pointed out. "She must be important to Maxwell if he asked you to do this."

"Apparently she is his bff or whatever acronym he used." Thomas spat. "I would rather deal with practically anyone else on this planet than babysit some snobbish, probably doesn't even know how to act in public, idiotic woman."

******************

Amanda took a step bac from his door. Her heart sank at discovering the director she had so admired was in truth a spoiled jerk.

Her lips firmed in a frown as her anger slowly took over her sadness. 

“He--I’ll show--oohhh!” She gasped, unable to get a complete insult out. 

She took a deep breath and returned to the receptionist desk. “Something has come up.” Amanda explained. “Would you mind giving Maxwell’s notes to Mr. Hunt?” She nearly strangled on his name.

“No problem.” The young intern replied. She tilted her head in question. “Are you okay?”

Amanda nodded quickly. “I am.” Or at least I will be once I get away from here, she thought. I will NEVER spend a moment in that loathsome man’s company.

******************

"I don't think I have ever seen you this angry." Olivia's eyebrows were lifted in surprise as she observed Amanda pacing about the suite. "Why didn't you confront him?"

"Because I don't do that kind of thing." Amanda snapped. She quickly apologized to her friend. "You know I try and be nice to everyone." Her eyes narrowed. "Something about that man got under my skin. How dare he judge me without meeting me?!"

Olivia's lips turned up somewhat. "What will you do when we are all at the set tomorrow?"

"Maybe I shouldn't go." Amanda muttered. "I can't embarrass Maxwell by setting Thomas Hunt straight."

"Now I'm making you go." Olivia announced. "I think it's time you felt that sweet relief of finally unleashing your temper." Her smile grew. "You don't know what you have been missing all these years."

“We’ll see.” Amanda murmured. “Do you know where Maxwell is?”

“No. Why?”

“Because I am going to make sure that I am never put in the path of Thomas Hunt again.”

*************

The Blvd restaurant, The Beverly Wilshire...

"There you are." Amanda said between clenched teeth.

Maxwell looked up. "Hey! How did the meeting go?"

She sat down across from him. "Why did you decide to ask Thomas Hunt of all people to give me a tour?!"

His blue eyes widened when he realized she was upset. "Because you've always been crazy about him."

"I have not." She snapped, refusing to accept she remotely found the director anything other than repulsive.

"Really?" Maxwell folded his arms on the table and leaned forward. "I would like to present to the jury, exhibit A: The Calvin Klein poster of one man, Thomas Hunt, in nothing but boxer briefs." He shuddered at the memory. "I still suffer from PTSD whenever I see your closet door cracked open."

Angry spots of color appeared on her cheeks. "I was young and stupid and had horrible taste in men."

"Exhibit B: You own all his movies, including the one he has a brief cameo in." Maxwell continued.

"I own a lot of movies." Amanda muttered. "He just happens to make some."

"Exhibit C:," Maxwell pointed out. "When I told you, I had been offered a chance to have The Royal Romance turned into a film, you literally chanted that Thomas Hunt needs to direct until I talked to my agent."

"I wanted your story to earn critical acclaim." Amanda averted her eyes.

"Exhibit D--"

"Enough!" Amanda hissed. "I get it, okay?" She leaned forward, looking directly into his eyes. "Don't ever force me to--"

"Thomas!" Maxwell yelled out, waving toward the director.

Amanda felt her stomach drop when she felt his angry presence pause behind her right shoulder.

"Maxwell." Thomas greeted curtly. “I waited for as long as I could on your,” his tone hardened, “Lady Amanda, but she never showed up.”

Maxwell turned his attention to her. “You didn’t deliver my notes?”

"I did." Amanda snapped, her eyes darted to Thomas. "But I didn’t want to spend a single second in your company."

His eyes widened. "I beg your pardon, what--"

"I refuse to spend the day with a man who so readily judges a person without meeting them." Her chin lifted. "You made it quite clear this morning what you think of me."

Thomas remembered his intern bringing in Maxwell's notes. "You were the one who came by today." His temper snapped. "On top of everything, you listened in on a conversation that wasn't any of your business. Why am I not surprised?" He mocked.

Amanda moved quickly out of the booth until she was standing directly in front of him. Her eyes flashed as heated color flooded her cheeks. "It wasn't hard since you were yelling like a petulant child." Her mocking smile appeared. "I'm grateful that I found out what type of egotistical, judgmental, miserable old man you truly are before being forced to accept your escort anywhere."

"Nowhere nearly as much as I am." Thomas barked, stung by her insults. "I wouldn't escort you a single inch across this room. You've proven that I should continue to trust my gut instinct when it comes to people like you." He bowed in an exagerated insult. "Thank you, Lady Amanda, it has been a pleasure that I hope is never repeated."

Unable to think of a proper insult, Amanda’s eyes sparked with unshed tears. She didn’t want to give this wretched man the satisfaction of thinking he had hurt her to the point of crying.

Without a word, she shoved past him and quickly left the restaurant.

"I had that going differently in my mind." Maxwell said once Thomas sat down. "Maybe after she cools off, the two of you could--"

"Maxwell, there will never be the two of us if Amanda is a part of that equation." Thomas stated firmly. "I will never spend a moment alone with her."

****************

Olivia’s suite, again…

"You should have used one of the butter knives on him." Olivia told her. "I've trained you in the places on the human body that will cause the most pain."

Amanda sighed.

"At least you stood up for yourself." Olivia continued.

Amanda nodded silently.

"Don't tell me you regret this?" Olivia prodded at the lack of verbal response.

"I'm exhausted." Amanda finally said. "I haven't lost my temper like that in years." She ran her hands over her face. "I just stopped by to let you know I'm not going out tonight." She got up and gave a swift hug to Olivia. "Thank you for letting me vent again."

"Don't let that man keep you from going out." Olivia ordered. "Take a nap. I'll make certain you're not disturbed, and we can join everyone else for dinner."

Amanda neither agreed nor disagreed. She gave a halfhearted smile and left.

****************

That night...

"I want everyone who has a spare key to my suite to return them." Amanda announced at dinner.

Maxwell and Olivia ignored her request.

Drake quirked an eyebrow at her. "How many keys were you given?"

"I thought just one." Her eyes narrowed. "Yet, I've had no less than four people enter my room today."

Hana blushed and handed her key card over. "Maxwell told me to help with picking out a dress or two."

Riley slid hers over. "Me too."

"I appreciate the concern." She narrowed her eyes on Maxwell as he raised his menu up to hide his face. "But it is not necessary." Her bitterness then settled on Olivia. "Nor was the wakeup call."

The red head merely shrugged. "I'm not going to allow you to lock yourself away to wallow in guilt and misery over Thomas Hunt."

"I wasn't wallowing!" Amanda snapped. "I was sleeping because Maxwell woke me up after at practically the crack of dawn!"

"As soon as you awoke, you would have started the misery and guilt trip." Olivia calmly stated. "It never fails to happen once you lose your temper."

"It's true." Maxwell added.

Amanda slumped in her chair. All the fight left her. She knew they were right.

“Don’t worry about Thomas.” Maxwell told her. “Tomorrow, he’ll be so busy with the movie that he won’t even notice you’re there.”

*****************

The next day...

Thomas surreptitiously peeked over the script each time he heard Amanda's voice or laughter. Seeing her this way made sense that she was friends with the group whose story he was filming.

She wasn't the irrational shrew he had unleashed the day before.

She looked like a different person. Gone was her insulting temper. For some reason, he was puzzled by her appearance. She hadn't bothered to wear any jewelry other than a watch, which she kept glancing at. He expected her to dress according to her station. Yet she looked like she would easily blend in with a crowd.

He suspected that he would have spotted her immediately.

His eyes moved down her figure when the group followed Addison, leaving him to review today's schedule. Since their altercation, he had been unable to get her off his mind. He had even dreamed about her.

It was disturbing that he woke up in a cold sweat over her. The dream had him ending their fight differently. That was the last thing he wanted to do with her.

Thomas couldn't hear what she was saying, but the entire group were laughing at an observation she made.

He swallowed the last of his coffee and decided to get another cup as the group moved closer to craft services.

"Where are you going?" Holly asked.

"Coffee." He muttered, wondering why Amanda wouldn't look his way. He had expected glares the entire time, not being completely ignored.

“Three cups of coffee wasn’t enough?” she asked.

"What?" He asked.

"You've had three cups." Holly pointed out. "You never have more than that in the morning."

He couldn't think of a clever enough retort, so he walked off without a response.

"This might be my favorite part of filmmaking." Maxwell teased as he reached for one of the fresh pastries Addison offered.

Amanda's smile disappeared when Thomas approached. She moved away from the table, pretending interest in a prop, when he came along next to her for the coffee pot.

He glanced at her back, deciding to force her to acknowledge his presence. "Is there anything I can get you, Lady Bridgerton?"

Her shoulders stiffened. Without looking at him, she automatically responded. "No thank you." Before Thomas could say anything else, she quickly walked over to the set that was a recreation of the palace's hedge maze lit by moonlight.

Her lips curved. She was impressed with the attention to detail the film crew had done. She walked the familiar path, turning to see the swing she had spent a great deal of her childhood on.

Thomas appeared beside her.

She stubbornly looked straight ahead.

"What do you think?" He prodded.

"About what?" She responded, folding her arms across her chest.

"The soundstage? The sets?" He motioned around. "I know you were wanting to tour a studio. Does this meet your approval?"

"It does." She couldn't quite hide her excitement at seeing something like this in person. "I find it fascinating."

He blinked at her words. "I'm…glad."

She stiffened once more at having inadvertently complimented him and tried to get around the hateful man. "If you will excuse me,"

"Perhaps I can--"He began, surprised at the thought of trying to rectify her opinion of him.

“Good day, Mr. Hunt." She tried to escape yet saw that he blocked her path. When he seemed unable to move, she squeezed past.

Their bodies brushed one another, causing her to pause.

Their eyes met and she quickly wiggled free.

He watched her hurry off to rejoin the others.

Thomas tossed his untouched coffee in the garbage and returned to work.

*******************

A few days later, they bumped into each other inside the hotel.

"Lady Bridgerton." He gently grasped her arms. "Nice to see you again."

She grit her teeth. "Please stop calling me Lady." Her eyes narrowed. "Since I discovered your opinion on nobles, I know you mean it as a verbal jab."

He quirked an eyebrow. "Then what should I call you?"

"Amanda." She replied. "But I don't believe I will hear it often since we will never spend more time together." She smirked and left him.

He knew he was supposed to meet with Maxwell, but instead decided to follow her into the hotel's restaurant.

He talked the hostess into seating him in a booth beside Amanda's. He couldn't recall a time in his life when he desired to annoy anyone as much as he did her.

He settled his gaze on her after ordering a drink.

Amanda gripped her menu and purposefully kept her eyes averted.

After a few moments, she dropped her head into her hands. "Why are you trying to drive me crazy?" She practically pleaded. "You can’t stand me, yet you sit there on purpose to stare!"

"You never allow me to finish what I’m saying.” He countered, scooting around his booth.

“Why should I?” she snapped. “You are only going to hurl more insults my way.”

“How do you know?” He asked. “Do you dare presume to know my mind?”

She scooted closer, eyes narrowing. "You don't like me!" She hissed. "And I'm not too fond of you." Her eyes searched his. "Why are you trying to talk to me? I made certain to not bother you at the studio and have not returned each day when the others have."

Thomas propped his arm on the seat and leaned closer to her. "I don't know." His eyes touched on her hair softly curling toward her cheek, guiding his eyes to her lips. "But you have been on my mind." His eyes lifted to hers. "Perhaps it is because I have yet to meet the real you. I’ve seen you at your worst, and yet with those you care for…you’re a completely different person. Who is the real, Lady Amanda?"

"I assure you; this is the real me. Regardless of how irritated I am at the moment this is me!" She quickly thanked the waitress for her drink. "Now, I think we--"

"That we should eat together, I agree." Thomas rose and told the waitress he would be joining Amanda.

He slid into the booth, bumping into the shocked duchess. "I recommend the lobster frittata."

"I'm allergic to shellfish." She said in a stunned voice.

"Then I will order something else." He remarked. "I'll have the steak and eggs." He handed his menu to the waitress. "Shall we have a bottle of champagne with brunch?"

Amanda absentmindedly ordered the cheeseburger. Once they were alone, she settled back against the seat, intent on pretending she was dining alone.

"I'm considering taking time off once filming wraps up." Thomas announced.

"What about the sequels?" Amanda forgot about her plan to ignore him. "You aren't going to let someone else direct, are you?"

He shook his head, turning more toward her. "The screenplay for the second part hasn't been completed yet. Ryan and Chris both have obligations to other directors that they will complete in between the first and second part."

"I see." She tried to ease away from being so close beside him, but her skirt was caught under his leg. He apparently was not inclined to give up his hold on her.

"Amanda, have you been on any other tours?" He asked when she became stubbornly silent again.

"I have." She replied. Her smile held a hint of mischief. "Ryan took me to some points of interest."

Thomas narrowed his eyes. "Did he?"

"Yes." She propped her chin on her hand, attempting to have a dreamy far off look. "He was a perfect gentleman."

"He's seeing someone." He informed her, wondering at this new irritation he felt.

Amanda shrugged. "Like I said, he was a perfect gentleman."

"I expect to hear news of his engagement at any moment." Thomas continued.

"Then perhaps you should be drinking champagne with him." She kept a pleasant smile on her face. "For you and I have nothing to celebrate over."

"I disagree." He countered.

"Of course, you do." She pointed at his shirt. "I would call this blue, but I'm positive you would say it was another color."

"I always thought it was more gray than blue." He said to purposefully needle her.

She ran her fingers through her hair. "Of course, you would."

Their food was brought out and each focused on eating while ignoring the emotions the other was causing.

He poured her a glass of champagne then lifted his in a toast. "To expectations."

She searched his eyes for some hidden meaning then tapped her glass to his. "Cheers."

"What are your plans today?" He asked.

She set her glass down. "I'm going to see a movie."

"Really?" He slowly smiled. "What will you be--"

"There you are!" Maxwell walked over, his dimples deepening with his delighted grin. "I must have forgotten we were to meet down here."

Amanda took that moment to jerk her skirt out from under Thomas' thigh. She smiled with her newfound freedom. "I was just on my way out." She wished them both a good afternoon and escaped.

"I knew you two would hit it off." Maxwell boasted.

"And when exactly is that supposed to happen?" Thomas asked.

************

A few nights later...

"Everyone knows the drill." Maxwell whispered.

"Yes." Hana reassured him. "I spill my drink on Amanda."

"I drop a plate in Thomas's lap." Addison whispered.

"They are both forced to go to the master bathroom because I have food poisoning in the hall bathroom." Riley added.

"I get everyone to move to our suite." Liam added.

"I turn everything off." Holly glanced over her shoulder to make certain no one was near enough to hear.

"And I lock them in the bedroom." Maxwell announced.

"What about the phone situation?" Ryan whispered.

"Bastien is confiscating everyone's phone for security purposes." Drake explained. "And I have already removed the hotel phones from the bedroom and living room."

"You all have your missions." Maxwell looked around at his group. "Good luck."

Addison and Hana nearly bounced with excitement as they took their places.

****************

Thomas sat down when Addison insisted yet again. "I still don't see how this helps the crick in your neck."

She rubbed the side while rolling her head. "Because it doesn’t hurt tilting it down, only up." She huffed. "You're too tall."

She eyed Hana and watched as the graceful lady stumbled, splashing her glass of wine down Amanda's dress.

"I'm so sorry!" Tears filled Hana's eyes. She grasped Amanda's hand and dragged her into the bedroom.

"I have something that will help get this out before it stains." Hana made Amanda remain in the bathroom. "It's in my room. I'll be right back."

Addison waited patiently, keeping Thomas talking. She then saw Hana give her the sign.

"...and then we should--" Thomas jumped to his feet when Addison dropped her plate.

"Oh my gosh!" She exclaimed. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to."

He brushed her hand away and went toward the bathroom. He heard Riley's sounds of sickness and quickly backtracked.

"There's a bathroom in the bedroom." Maxwell pushed him toward it.

"Thank you." Thomas stepped inside and opened the bathroom door.

Amanda whirled around. "You startled me."

He glanced down at the red stain on her peach colored dress. "My apologies. We both seem to be the ones with accident prone friends tonight."

She wet a rag for him. His fingers brushed hers when he reached for it. Their eyes lifted to one another's.

Amanda looked away first. "You should take your jacket off first."

He shrugged out of it, thanking her when she offered to hold it for him. Thomas brushed at the different stains on his shirt and tie.

She did the same with his jacket.

The two worked quietly.

"Do you hear that?" She asked once the water was turned off.

He stilled. "I don't hear anything."

"Exactly!" The two hurried to the bedroom door.

It wouldn't open.

Amanda knocked on it. "Maxwell! We're stuck in here!"

Thomas leaned his ear against it. "There's no noise out there."

"I'll call someone to--" she twirled around. "Where are the phones?"

They searched throughout the drawers and closets. Nothing except a pair of pajamas and a nightgown were in the drawers.

"What is going on?" Amanda wailed, slowly backing away.

"I think," Thomas began, recognizing his pajamas from home. "that Maxwell and the others want us to spend the night together."

**************

After changing their ruined clothes, the two sat down on the bed. It seemed that Maxwell had removed the chairs that had also resided there. He had also had the television removed.

"Now what do we do?" Amanda asked. "It's only eight thirty."

Thomas tried to keep from staring at her in her silk nightgown.

She guessed that Riley and Hana had taken it earlier that day when they kept having her try on dresses. His eyes traveled up her legs --

"Why don't we talk? Settle this...whatever this is between us?" He suggested as she stood up to pace.

Amanda quit her agitated movements and sat down in a breathless huff. She reclined on the pillows and attempted to not stare at how sexy Thomas looked in pajamas. That little bit of hair flopping over his forehead softened his angular features, making her want to run her fingers through his hair as his lips touched--

"I expected you to be different." Amanda began, lowering her eyes. "I think this might be as much my fault as yours."

Thomas stretched out beside her. "What do you mean about expecting me to be different?"

She ran a hand through her hair. "I guess I expected you to be nice." She grimaced. "I thought we would get along. Perhaps become friends or...something."

"I see." He said softly. "And I ruined that when you overheard, that I was expecting the worst."

"Yes, I mean," she dropped her head back on the pillow. "I was so disappointed that you were like so many people I have encountered at court. That you were so set on disliking me…I just thought why bother even trying to be nice."

“Ah.” He snorted softly. “And in my preconceived notions, I decided you had proven me right.”

“And now we are being tortured by our so-called friends.”

He turned his head toward her. "I don't feel tortured right now."

She turned too and realized how close their faces were. "You don't?"

He focused on her mouth. Perhaps he was being tortured. "No, I actually like being around you like this."

"So not hostile or hurling insults at you?" She teased.

He surprised her with a sudden smile. "If we must make that distinction, then yes, I prefer this version to any of the others I have encountered."

Her burst of laughter made him scoot closer to her.

“I must admit, it has been exhausting remaining angry around you.” Her warm smile was focused on him for the first time. “You sir, have kept me on my toes during every altercation.”

“You have been a worthy adversary.” Thomas chuckled when she solemnly thanked him. “I haven’t’ wanted to annoy any woman as much as I have you.”

The pair became quiet in thought after sharing another laugh.

Amanda turned on her side and studied his face. "Thomas?"

"Hmm?"

"Why do you think we have been snapping at each other all this time?"

"You've been doing most of the snapping lately." He reminded her.

"I suppose I have." She admitted. "Why have you been chasing after me though since I have been, you know?"

"Cruel?" He offered. "Cold? Mean?"

"I get the picture." She grumbled. "I apologize for my rudeness."

"I told you once before I wasn't certain what it is about you, but I think I might have solved the mystery." He inched closer.

"And that is?" She asked.

"I think we have some unresolved sexual tension." Thomas waited to see what her response might be.

He didn't expect laughter.

"Hold on.” she said once she saw he was serious. "You find me attractive?"

"I did even when I despised you." He admitted.

Amanda blinked. "Oh."

He cleared his throat. When she still remained silent, he prodded her. "Any chance you find me attractive?"

"I do." Was her hurried response. "I mean, I always thought you were handsome."

"Being thought handsome is not the same as being attractive." He reminded her. "Do you find Liam handsome?"

"Of course, I do." She sighed, knowing where he was going with this. "And no, I am not physically attracted to Liam."

Thomas gently placed his hand over hers. "Then, should we use this time to test out the waters? See if the fights can cease once and for all after we discover what this is?”

Amanda slowly nodded. Before she could think too hard about all the ways this could backfire, he had pulled her flush to him. Her breath caught as he tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

His fingertips slipped down her neck and over her shoulder, sliding down before coming back up. She closed her eyes as he caressed her skin. His eyes followed his hand before flickering up to her parted lips. He closed the distance and placed a tentative kiss to them.

And then they knew why they had been fighting so much.

**************

The next morning…

“There’s no noise.” Maxwell whispered. He had his ear pressed to the bedroom door.

“Either they are asleep, or they killed each other.” Olivia hissed. “I’m hoping he is at least bleeding out in there.” She smacked Maxwell on the back of the head. “Why did you persist in putting them together?”

“Because I know what I’m doing as a matchmaker.” He grumbled. “If you would only listen to me about you and Dra—“

She put her hand over his mouth. “I’m warning you, Maxwell. Do not ever link my name with his again.”

Addison pushed between them and pressed her ear to the door. “I say we leave their clothes here and quietly unlock the bedroom door. “I don’t want to walk in on something I shouldn’t see.”

“Good idea.” Maxwell carefully removed the chair he had wedged under the doorknob. He then unlocked the door and jumped back in case one decided to open it.

As his coconspirators sneaked out of the room, he quickly jotted down an apology in case he had been wrong and slipped it under the bedroom door.

Just as he was about to leave, the note was slipped back with a response written.

You better book another suite for yourself. This one is ours now.

Thanks for locking us in together,

A & T