#button phobia is real
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kan inte fatta att det gått 14 år sedan gott nytt jul av sean banan släpptes
Seriöst? Herregud vad tiden gått
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List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers 💛💙
okayyyy that sounds nice :3
sitting at the cafe where they know me
finding clothes in yellow or cowprint
checking out strangers with my partner
losing at yugioh
knowing exactly why my computer is on the fritz, and knowing what to do about it
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The fuck is a button phobia
you know these guys?
they fill my body with pure disgust. Dread, even; just hovering the mouse over pictures as i searched for a suitable example made me feel ill. i have no idea why, but to me touching a sewing button is like touching fresh vomit (and even then id still probably take the vomit)
is it based in any sort of rationality? no, absolutely not
yet here i am, tormented
#thank you for asking anon i laughed when i saw this#for some reason tortoiseshell buttons are the worst of the bunch#koumpounophobia#the phobia is real but i am fully aware of how ridiculous and funny it is#pet talks
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To answer your "what happened to batman?" question: he got arrested for tax evasion at the end of the last season. He didn't know what they were.
Oh my gooodddd 😭 ya know that’s kinda in character for him in this show
#im flying high#button-phobia-is-real#I think I watched like half of season 3 and stopped cause of life
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I did decide to post the original art of these guys in the end; these are all from 2022, so definitely a little old. I have posted these to my Artfight account in case anyone is particularly interested in them!
Their extensive lore below (tw for discussion of mental health issues, abuse, trauma, drugs/alcohol, and self harm)
Button Bunny, Poppy Puppy, and Dreamy Deer are escaped lab experiments made from giving plushies real meat and blood inside. After enduring countless painful experiments, Button and his fellow test subjects killed all of the scientists and escaped into the real world, where they're free to do as they please.
Each of the plushies embodies a different "coping" style or set of trauma responses; this isn't supposed to be extremely deep or anything, just an idea, but to explain each one a bit further:
Button represents the "fight" response to danger, as well as cutting, self harm, and vengeful or violent thoughts/actions against one's abuser. He's fixated on blood and gore, both as a means of expressing his internal pain, and as a means of inflicting it on those who hurt him and his friends. He has the biggest thirst for blood and revenge out of the three, and is the most likely to pick a fight with a stranger. He carries a box cutter full of fresh, sharp razor blades right over his heart, signifying damage both taken and dealt. As a result, Button is "angrier" than the other two, but also more protective.
Poppy represents the "fawn" response to danger, as well as self-medication through drugs, alcohol, sex, and food. Poppy never denies herself the finer pleasures and in fact indulges in them more when she's upset. She's always likely to try to win someone over or "people please" her way out of situations and can become very upset if she genuinely thinks someone is mad at her. She smokes weed out of a heart-shaped bong, calls everyone "bestie," and sobs her eyes out into a bottle of cotton candy vodka if anything goes wrong. While she is the most outwardly emotional, she's also emotionally intelligent and glues the group together with her sharp eye for social cues.
Dreamy represents the "freeze" and "flight" responses to danger, as well as dissociation, nightmares, and severe phobias. While Button and Poppy may go on the offensive with someone they deem "bad," Dreamy will always behave passively and will never stir conflict if they can help it. Indeed, Dreamy will freeze like a deer in headlights if they're put in a stressful enough situation, and if they manage to unfreeze themselves, will run away from it as quickly as possible. Because of their fearful nature, Dreamy can only protect themselves through their experimental psychic ability to transfer their own nightmares to another person, which isn't even fully voluntary for them. Most of the time, Dreamy will defer to one of the others in a pinch.
All three of them have had their eyes swapped with one another, symbolizing the unity of the three very different trauma responses under the same trauma.
There are also two more Cursed Plushies, two wolves (one black and one white) named Yin and Yang, created by the sole surviving scientist to track down and kill Button, Poppy, and Dreamy, but I've yet to draw them even once, so they're much less fleshed out and generally less symbolic than the other three. I'll return to them someday, though.
Thanks for reading all that!
#robot art#digital art#oc#ocs#plushies#plushie ocs#lab experiment#blood tw#knife tw#these are my lil Cute Edgy OCs and I've been pretty shy about them but.... it's time for them to come out#button#poppy#dreamy
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— Is “psycho” a slur? —
My easiest answer to this question: ASK IF A REAL PERSON IS OKAY TO BE CALLED A PSYCHO. If not, then you are not calling the person with ASPD, BPD, or any other PD a psycho.
Listen to the people with personality disorders, not the people who claim they are allys so they call everything ableist that can hurt our pretty sensitive disabled heart. There is a chance that someone is made the label their own. And someone is not okay with it. No, you don't make a fucking a poll where everyone can vote, and even the neighbours cat can puke on the reblog button. YOU TALK TO A REAL PERSON, YOU ASK. End of story.
Personality disorders and especially Antisocial Personality Disorder are often associated to “being a psycho”.
And you especially met with this term in RepComm while reading.
“EWWWW REPCOMM AND KAREN TRAVISS AND KAL SKIRATA IS FUCKIGN ABLEIST DON’T READ IT OR YOU’LL BECOME ABLEIST YOURSE-“
When I mention TODAY to someone that I have personality disorder, people are being like: okay and you are eating that with fork or spoon?
You call out ableism because you heard it somewhere that being called a psycho is ableist, and calling out ableism gives you browney points on tumblr.
“Psycho” is not a slur. Sometimes not even the self-diagnosed psyhopaths know about the existence of the term of ASPD (that's how personality disorders are not in every speech!!!), they just now that something is wrong, because they always hit walls around people. Psycho or sociopath was the closest that you could name this condition in the early 2000's.
Nulls being called a psycho is not Kal Skirata’s elaborate trick to enslave the nulls or whatever the fuck anti-kal people comes up with. People with pd-s are mostly self-aware. Being always fucking self-aware is why we know that we don��t fit in.
Someone with personality disorder is extremely important to be self-aware, that's why name-erasing, mental-health erasing cause more harm. You don't say shit like to a pd that "you are completely normal, there is nothing wrong with you, carry on" because the next time we actually do something mentally ill™, you will be the first to call us "fucking psychos".
(yeah. I know. so much we, and them, and us, like I'm one with ASPD too, I'm trying to figure if I have more personality disorder than BPD, and probably have.)
In this age where everything is within reach via internet, people truly forget that media is accessible written by different generations, and when I see younger people engaging with the Republic Commando series TODAY in 2024 with today’s tumblr sensitivity standards, I think: vod. Are you aware that the first book came out in 2004, TWENTY YEARS AGO? The accessibility to everything is great but it totally messes up the ability to see TIME CONTEXT. And this time blindness can truly mess up communication between different generations too, causing rifts and we end up invalidating other’s experiences if we are not careful.
“But there were more progressive books even before 2004” - Probably. Only we didn’t have an entire library of progressive labels of genders, sexuality, phobias and MENTAL ILLNESSES AND CONDITIONS.
Not in everyday speech. If no one talks about it, you won't know the concept. You don't know how to ask questions aside from "what's wrong with me?"
WATCH OUT! SLURS INCOMING!!!!
In the early 2000’s and before if your teachers hated you, your parents weren’t educated (or just didn’t care), or your parents themselves never got proper treatment for their neurodivergency, there is chance that YOU ALSO didn’t have a chance to get a proper diagnosis for different types of neurodivergency as a child.
children with dyscalculia were called lazy.
children with dyslexia were called retards who can't even read.
children who were fine playing alone were the weird ones.
autistic people? You mean rain man? Or those braindead retards shitting themselves and throwing fits and should have been euthanized if their parents had any love for them? Oh no you are not autistic, stop being oversensitive to noises and shit and people bullying you for your special interests is not bullying, they are just trying to involve you sweetheart.
ADHD? Problem children with behavior issues.
Antisocial Personality Disorder? Psychos. Problem children. HOOLIGANS. DEVIANTS.
Sounds familiar? No? Then I am truly happy for you.
People like to use this quote to prove that the Nulls didn’t have mental illnesses, it’s just Kal who spread the rumors about them, and the Nulls weren’t more than your ordinary bad behaving children. Because Vau is an outsider, therefore more reliable and objective narrator about the Nulls and because fuckkalskirataingeneral. Yeah. Sure. But we are talking about Walon Vau.
Walon “my father beat the living shit out of me as a child but I turned out fine” Vau.
These kind of abused people In real life with the exact same mentality tell you that you don’t have a problem, you are just oversensitive. You don’t need therapy, you just have to man up. Don’t take pills because pills are for pussies. YOU DON’T HAVE MENTAL ILLNESS, YOU ARE JUST A BAD CHILD. Generational trauma is fucking shit and affects everybody.
Walon Vau alone deserves a separate post about his non-existent mental health. And Sev, now that he was mentioned here. Sev is especially heartbreaking, seeing how Nulls as psychos are treated, and how Sev as a psycho is treated in the books.
This blurb is born from the thought that the Nulls are having Antisocial Personality Disorder and I’ve come to this conclusion because they are constantly called psychos, the most common label people used for this kind of behavior patterns they show throughout the series.
ASPD or Antisocial Personality Disorder and the usage of this name is encouraged in scientific circles because the symptoms and traits of psychopathy can’t be measured objectively anymore. Psychopathy is a neurological/hormonal condition, but no longer its own sickness, because other non-related disorders, diseases and illnesses can mimic the symptoms of psychopathy for eg.: DEMENTIA.
If you ever wonder how can a 80 years old person who never showed any sign of aggression before just go and brutally kill their neighbor for a sole treebranch hanging over the fence and littering the garden with leaves, there is a chance that something is not alright in the brain anymore.
Emotions developed healthy with healthy self-restraints and and self-control will not let you do socially unacceptable things like killing to solve problems, just because your brain tells you: BASH THEIR FUCKING SKULL WITH A ROCK.
Every emotional response are hormones and neurotransmitters in work. Brain is responsible to give the appropriate response to each situation we are facing. If you have hormonal problems, or neurological conditions, different brain structure than a neurotypical people, there is a chance, that these responses are not working as they are intended, you will have different or more extreme emotional responses to things, or not having at all.
So that is why we don’t use the terms of psychopath today as an individual sickness, because PSYCHOPATHY ITSELF IS A SYMPTOM of various conditions! People with psychopathy, the “psychos” are usually on the spectrum of ASPD.
So again, repeat after me like I'm Dora the explorer who put you on gunpoint:
ASK IF A REAL PERSON WITH ASPD IS OKAY WITH BEING CALLED A PSYCHO. IF NOT, YOU DON'T CALL THE PERSON PSYCHO. END OF STORY.
#project: nulls with aspd#null arcs#ordo skirata#kal skirata#walon vau#republic commando#repcomm#star wars
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does anyone know the name of the specific shirt sculpture that scared miro and worsened his longtime phobia of buttoned shirts. in most cases inspiration is vague, but he was very upfront about the irrational obelisk being Real and also In Helsinki
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BLACK COWBOY SHIRT, WHITE PEARL BUTTONS, AND BOOTS WITH SPURS
February 18, 1990. 9pm
Duane D is here. I’ve been with him all day. Since 11am. And, it’s as if we somehow both have found a safe haven in each other.
He sleeps now in the living room—he has trouble sleeping at night.
Duane J.—in black cowboy shirt white pearl buttons and boots with spurs. He horrified the Hilton staff in Sacramento. Duane thought the big grey sterile building was a hospital because the building had a big “H” on it. When we went into the men’s room, they sent in one of their goons to make sure…well—just to make sure. Little miss blonde hair, blonde teeth, blonde life did that. I didn’t tell Duane.
We went on a trip to potentially rescue mom and dad whose personal car break downs were again at it.
We went to Jeff and Jane's house. Duane didn’t want to exit the car. Jo would have none of that. “We are not afraid of Aids” she told me in private. And, they were polite and kind. They stood in their front yard and watched us go. I’m sure thoughts of their lost 22 year old son rang through their heads. And, a lot of our talk time neath seas of roving schooner clouds and blue slate, water shed skys was about Aids and Aids phobia and Hand to Hand and about our past lives and what has brought us to where we are and then home—and, he listened to Alan Watts—amazing—he listened. He slept
End of entry
Notes: 10/2/2024
Duane was my Aids match in February o/f 1990. I was a volunteer for Stanislaus County Aids Project (SCAP) in 1990. They matched us with people with Aids and we supported them through their illness and death. Duane had Aids. Our Match relationship did not last long and I don't know if he eventually died from Aids. But, the time we were together was intense and beautiful.
In the above entry, we drove from Modesto, where we lived , to Sacramento to meet with my parents and their friends Jeff and Jane (Not their real names). I must have told my parents about Duane and the fact he had Aids, and they told their friends. That led to the interchanges between us, above, concerning Aids and acceptance of those with Aids..
Alan Watts was a philosopher and lecturer on eastern mysticism. I have loved listening to his lectures since the late 1980's.
Hand to Hand was the first Aid's support group that I volunteered for in Sacramento 1986-87.
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Long rant about mcytblr under the cut tap in
I feel like the mcyt community as a whole needs to consider the problem of perspective bias that’s way more prevalent than it should be. We also gotta talk about the rampant black and white thinking when it comes to CCs and discourse in general.
To that point this fan base has a big phobia when it comes to criticism of certain CCs, as well as a tendency to overreact to any problematic behavior. These obviously encourage each other in a vicious cycle. Like for instance some CCs like tommyinnit, geminitay etc have been subject to super extreme criticism and scrutiny mostly by people who already don’t like them. However, this ends up creating a culture where any criticism, regardless of how reasonable is immediately dismissed as just haters, which isn’t helpful for anyone-especially the creator that wants to do better. On the other hand, if you arbitrarily decide you hate someone mostly cause they’re annoying, you’ll end up seeing real, multidimensional humans more like punching bags.
Which leads to the perspective bias thing. When the new players joined the realm smp, some players were doing bits that other people felt uncomfortable with. One of them was Charlie pretending to jerk off and other crude jokes which was really shitty for owen, whose streams are strictly family friendly. Now we could yell at each other about who’s at fault: Charlie was wrong to be inappropriate or Owen should have expected adult jokes.
Except it’s really doesn’t matter. The CCs talked about it in private and now Tubbos team is working on a way for streamers to more easily know who’s family friendly.
Regardless, fans are going to still get very angry at each other over the issue and take a hard stance one side or the other. I feel like people in this community(and the internet in general tbh) have a tendency to assume the worst in people and not consider other perspectives. Like people love to decide that a certain streamer or character is totally evil and irredeemable while only knowing half the story. Which then leads to FANS deciding OTHER FANS are evil and irredeemable, which I think is decidedly worse. Hating a random character or streamer is one thing, but sending death threats to your fellow fans is too far in my opinion.
I don’t know. I think the solution just boils down to practicing empathy, considering other perspectives, considering that streamers are humans capable of wrongdoing but also not totally evil monsters, considering nuance in general and in every situation, and lastly frequent use of the block button. That’s it.
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In honor of WiP Wednesday...clowns?
I shared a little of this one before, but there's more now, so you're getting more. It's not explicit but it might be suggestive, and a long snip, as this is everything I have so far.
Warning, it is silly and weird and I've no explanation for a single bit of it. But under the cut goes the clown horror wip...that isn't horror quite yet but certainly teasing it.
Enjoy?
--
I never cared for clowns. Not because of any phobias related, or even bad memories. There was simply something off about a man in that much face paint and lycra smiling all the time.
You read right, lycra.
The clown staring at me from across the party last night was either going for a sexy interpretation or mixing up the circus and a King's court. In monochrome even, which was somehow worse.
A jester in black lycra with over-sized buttons, a jingling hat and a bright red nose. His face was painted white, with a big black exaggerated smile and matching hearts smeared over his eyes. Hair tucked up in the hat with all of his skin covered by that lycra mess, its color too dark to gauge any real body beneath.
He was a jester-shaped hole in reality, with comically large white gloves floating in nothing and that stupid nose glowing in a glaring lack of color.
And he was staring. At me.
A trick of the lights made his wide eyes as red as the nose, but he was definitely staring...and dancing. Gloves flashing around in a blur as he approached. I wanted to ignore the attempt but damnit if he wasn’t on rhythm. Never mind the goofy grin, infectious through the greasy black smear of lips.
Try as I might to scoff, to sneer, he made me smile long before he reached me.
God, I hate clowns.
A testament, really, to his skill. Or the sinewy muscles and broad shoulders made clearer when he stopped a few feet away.
To bow with flourish, “Good sir knight, might I share your company?”
Eloquent, near-cooed, and I should have noticed how easily I heard him over the pounding bass of the music.
But I was too focused on the words.
See, I’d come to the party dressed as a black knight. In real armor, well, custom made of a light alloy. Had a friend with her own forge and an obsessive love affair with all things middle ages. It wouldn’t have withstood a joust or anything—too thin, meant to be a show I could dance in—but it was real, down to the chain mail shirt underneath.
Which is to say I’d heard those exact words all night from all manner of clowns. But none dressed like one, so I accepted. In character, as clearly that was what we were doing, right?
Playing parts.
“And why would one such as I wish to be seen with a fool?”
“Fair point, good sir, fair point...but you’ve not seen me dance.”
It was a dumb game, but a fun one. Back and forth we went, speaking in nonsense versions of what we assumed our costumes represented. Then we danced.
And the fool wasn’t playing around, he could dance. We became a spectacle for it, as I couldn’t keep up, resigning to my position as ‘pole’ while he slithered and writhed and gyrated around me. On me. So close I could feel his pulse through the tight, thin fabric he wore. Fabric I ached to tear off him before the song ended…
A desire he stoked by ending with his tongue on mine. So quick he grabbed and so quick I sunk. Warm, wet and ever so slightly tingling that kiss.
But he broke it, if slow and sweet, to ask, “does sir knight wish to retire to bedchambers, and continue our dance?”
In character still. A damned delight it was, truly, as it was to play along, “thou art a faster moving fool than I am accustomed.”
“Mm, sir knight speaks true,” more delicious teases of tongue on my ear, gloves too warm toying with my hair as he cooed, “yet he has not answered.”
Gasping for the voice so close, and perhaps the knee so gently placed between my legs, I didn’t keep quite to character, “God yes.”
We were serenaded by howls when he giggled and lifted me to his hips...to walk me out of the house we’d been in. I can’t even remember whose house it was, if I knew them or not. It was just one of those things you hear about on Halloween, you know?
“Hey, there’s a party going on over here. Free beer.”
Magic words those.
Magic clown too, far as I was concerned, what with how he managed to pick me up so easily. My armor was no light affair and I’m no small man, but he seemed to be. Then again, it could be all the free beer muddying my recollection.
Would explain what followed.
I don’t remember much of the ride home, but I remember it was my home we were headed to in a ride that I didn’t pay for with hands and lips and tongues continuing their salacious assault. Those gloves seemed to peel away with his touch of me, whenever they touched skin I felt skin. Heat and pulse and sweat, not the cheap fabric and stuffing they appeared to be.
All of his costume operated that way. I wanted to taste his neck, his chest, and the lycra slid open to accommodate. His face paint didn’t come off, didn’t even smear, but I took it all the same. Splashes of black and white stained my hands, probably my lips—hard to tell when they’re attached to someone else.
He carried me into my apartment too, slamming into walls with every rough grind into him I insisted on. No words. It goes that way sometimes, and I didn’t think much of it, but we didn’t speak beyond our play at the party.
Until I’d managed to get a key in the door and we collapsed onto my couch. He was so quick. On his knees before me in a flash, gloves running rough up my legs, over all the soft cloth I wore under all my metals—not quite authentic for the armor, but I worked with what I had.
#snippet#wip wednesday#clown#horror#if not quite yet#it'll get there#the reason this exists is someone inadvertently daring me to write a story about a scary clown who isn't a murderer or a monster#but i keep stalling on it because i have no idea what it is trying to be and am afraid it'll end up a bit too absurd
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Mahogany, Pink, Green <3
i only have stolen playlists, but we could listen to one of those? i DO like driving at night
agh!!!!! everybody biting me!!!!!!!!!!
yeah we can touch grass. picnic style, even
colors? color based ask game?
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This is real niche, but I binge watched Smash and got inspired so, uh, here you go!
Tight
Genre: Hurt/comfort, fluff
Characters: Tom, Julia, Derek, Eileen
Summary: Tom ran a hand through his hair, uncaring if it mused. The room that Julia and Eileen had kindly locked both Derek and himself in was too small for his preferences
It was almost comedic, both the preceding events and the current occurrence, funny if you didn’t really have an understanding of comedy. Tom ran a hand through his hair, uncaring if it mused. The room that Julia and Eileen had kindly locked both Derek and himself in was too small for his preferences, even though it wasn’t particularly small at all. Slightly bigger than an elevator, still far from his favorite. Tom much preferred the wide, open concepts of studios, practice rooms, or stages.
How did he end up in this predicament? Really it was all Derek’s fault, he hadn’t been able to keep his mouth shut about Tom’s most recent lover. It had been an off handed comment really, not intended to incite an argument, just piss him off, but Tom- oh he was in a mood. Having just finished breaking up with his most recent lover, he snapped when Derek made some stupid comment about cologne and spread legs. He had made a petty comment back, and they dissolved into arguing. Derek stood up first, but Tom was not far behind, the two of them leaning into each other's space, though unfortunately Tom lost the physical aspect of the fight, having been backed up against the wall.
He would never admit it, but there were rare times where he found himself scared of Derek. Not often, never during rehearsal, but when they argued like this? He was shorter, and certainly weaker, than Derek was, and less aggressive too. Eileen had separated the two of them, tugging Derek out of her office with sharp words and Julia grabbed his shoulders and shook him, tone similarly upset. “I’m not scared,” He could recall himself saying. Now, sitting in a small, drywall box, he felt the need to rescind his earlier statement.
Derek hadn’t even done anything. They had both been shoved through the door, disoriented until well after the click of the lock, and ordered to get along if they wanted out. He wanted to pace, but he also didn’t fancy giving Derek a reason to get pissy with him when he’s locked in a room with the man. He wrung his hands, rubbed his wrists, tapped his fingers on his knees, anything to rid himself of the terrible nervous energy.
“Will you quit that?” Derek asked suddenly, sharply. Tom immediately stilled, squeezing his hands into fists instead. Slight pain radiated from where his nail dug into his skin, but he didn’t care, it was a distraction at least. Derek was eyeing the door like he was going to break it down.
“Sorry,” It was his voice, in a pathetic tone, a sound that made him embarrassed. Him, apologizing to Derek, could you imagine? The terrible things phobias made you do, honestly. The room was warming up, or maybe that was just his imagination, but he tugged off his jacket and undid a button on his shirt. He could feel Derek staring at him, and he could only imagine how pathetic he looked, having a freak out over being locked in a room. “Not a fan of small rooms.” Why did he admit that? Burying his head in his knees, Tom tried to focus on his breathing, inhaling and exhaling slowly. Really, he did not want to start crying in front of Derek. Of all people, why did it have to be Derek?
“Right.” Derek’s voice was flat, but Tom could still feel his eyes on him. To his utter humiliation, he felt tears pool in his eyes, so he kept them pressed against his knees so that he wouldn’t shed any. “Are you crying?” If he wasn’t actually crying, Tom would have laughed at the slight panic in Derek’s voice. If they wanted to get out, they needed to get along, and Tom crying definitely put a dent in that.
“No.” He lied, voice thick with emotion. He dragged in a shaky breath, and then another, and another, until he was on the verge of hyperventilating. He lifted his head off of his knees and clutched at his chest, but it only made it worse as he was reminded just how small the room was. “Fuck.” Through blurry vision, he could see Derek hesitantly take a few steps over, until he was standing above him.
“Listen, we don’t like each other. We probably will not ever like each other. But we need out of this room, so you need to. Stop. Crying.” Tom did laugh this time, slightly manic as he looked up at Derek, whose arms were crossed and whose face was in an angry scowl. “We can talk like adults when you stop acting like a child.” Ouch, that one hurt. It wasn’t Tom’s fault that he hated spending any more time than necessary in small spaces, or that he was hyperventilating, or crying.
“I- I-” Tom choked on a gasping breath. Breathe- he couldn’t breathe, the room was too small and he couldn’t- “Sorry,” He wheezed, shaking hands desperately attempting to undo another button on his shirt as he struggled to take in his next breath. Eyes squeezed shut, Tom pretended he was on stage, in a field, in his apartment, literally anywhere else but this too small room with a man who he hated and who hated him back equally.
Dizziness was creeping up on him, and he knew if he didn’t stop hysterically hyperventilating he was going to have a much more embarrassing situation on his hands. It had been so long since he’d had an anxiety attack, or at least one without Julia there to help, and the knowledge that Derek was watching him panic wasn’t helping anything at all. How was he supposed to calm down, again? He couldn’t remember- he wasn’t supposed to do this alone, Julia was supposed to help him- why isn’t Julia here to help him?
“Tom.” Shaking his head, Tom kept his eyes firmly shut and pretended Derek did not exist. “Tom,” That one was far more exhausted than Derek had any right to sound, so Tom pried his eyelids open to give the director a death stare. Derek looked back at him flatly, he looked annoyed, which was so unfair. “How can I help?”
Well, now that was unexpected. He stared at Derek, uncomprehending the words that just left the mouth of his enemy of several years. Unfortunately, Tom couldn’t respond, because he was too busy sobbing his heart out as his lungs struggled to remember how to breathe oxygen.
“Right,” An annoyed sigh, and then Derek was sitting next to him, close enough that their shoulders and thighs were touching. An arm, hooked around his shoulders, pulled him flush against Derek’s side, and Tom instinctually sought out his heart beat, resting his head on Derek chests as he gave hiccuping sobs and shallow, quick breaths. “Better?”
And how he hated to admit it, but it was. Derek was pleasantly warm, and he smelled great, and his heart was calm and consistent. Derek's hand absentmindedly stroked Tom’s arm, which helped as well, just contact in general was nice. It took a few minutes, but eventually Tom was breathing, mostly, normally, and his tears had all but stopped. He almost didn’t want to pull away, but then he reminded himself that this is Derek and he was shuffling over so they were no longer touching each other.
“Thank you.” He mumbled, turning to face the other way, as he was sure his face was quite the sight at the moment. Puffy eyes, flushed cheeks, and tear tracks aren’t exactly the most beautiful things to look at. He wiped at his face with his sleeve, uncaring if dampened the fabric.
Both Derek and him perked up when there was clicking noise, and the door swung open. Julia and Eileen both rushed into the room, and Tom scrambled up to his feet, pulling Julia into a fierce hug. Their embrace lasted a good few moments as Tom clung to her, laying his head on her shoulder to hide the way his eyes filled with tears again.
“Don’t you ever do that again,” He told her firmly, pulling back and looking at her face. “Please.” She laughed a bit, and he giggled, dragging her out of the terrible room at a brisk pace.
Things between him and Derek settled for about 2 hours, until Tom made a suggestion, and Derek got pissed at him again. Julia and Eileen exchanged a look of mutual suffering, but regaled to just telling them to knock it off and continuing on. No need for any more torture, even if it got them a few hours of peace and quiet.
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Later, in Tom’s apartment, Julia would sit on his couch with his head in her lap as he made her promise to never, ever leave him alone when he has an anxiety attack and she can come help. She shushed him, coming her fingers through his hair as she promised, and it was one she would keep.
#bestie speaks#star writes#fanfiction#hurt/comfort#h/c#fluff#angst#claustrophobia#crying#smash#nbc smash#smash nbc#tom levitt#Derek wills#Julia Houston#Eileen Rand#Tom nbc#Tom smash#smash fanfiction#fanfic
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1, for an art based game it's actually really not reasonable for discords to impose rules that include censoring 99% of official content. it's one thing to request censors and trigger warnings for general triggers and phobias that a lot of people experience and a whole other to have an entire list of every little thing each member may be bothered by. i know it sounds harsh but it's not everyone else's responsibility to accommodate your issues. curate your internet experience and take care of yourself
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2. I'm too lazy to go on anon but hi. NOTN gave me a repetitive strain injury within my shoulder so bad that I have to wear a sling and was prescribed two types of medications to take for it. That has steadily gotten worse over the course of 2 weeks now.
I would pay $99 real life dollars for a bond-all button specifically so i never had to do that again.
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3. Look I absolutely mean no disrespect but if even just merely touching coli for 5min causes your wrist to suffer too much, look into irl ways of remedying that...? Because that sounds like something FR staff can't solve for you, they can alleviate pain caused by prolonged grinding with accessibility updates but at a certain point people need to understand that their wrist problems might need a different approach and waiting for staff to automate grinding is not it. See a doctor, get a wrist brace or vertical mouse or idk what else exists to help with that stuff. I'm not a doctor so I don't know but there's gotta be ways?
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tagged by @prontaentrega to post my top 9 movies watched in 2024 :] ty for tagging me!! gonna (no pressure!!) tag @theunstablejester @artsy-dragoness @button-phobia-is-real + whoever sees this and wants to i wanna see people's favourite movies 👀
(honourable mentions + one dishonourable mention below:)
honourable mentions: THIRST (2009) + EAT DRINK MAN WOMAN (1994)
dishonourable mention: OLDBOY (2013)
i'm still fucking shocked i wasted my time sating my own morbid curiosity in watching that one 😭 never watch oldboy (2013) worst mistake of my life!!!
#i didn't actually watch too many movies this year... first half of the year i was watching movies p regularly and having fun#but then came the Life Events#anywaysies yippee!!! movies yay <3#SORRY IT TOOK ME UNTIL 2024 TO FINALLY WATCH PERFECT BLUE BTW#also infernal affairs >>> the departed. imho.#still working through sean baker's filmography as well orz...#contra.txt#movie talk
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10 bloggers you'd like to know better prompt thang !!:33 TAGGEDS BY @redpenship THANKIESS:33
last song: UHMMMS. glass beach by hit band glass beach it RULESSSS <33 every1s listens to glass beach right MEOWWW /silly!!1X33
favorite color: AHHH.tough quesrtion thang. i leik pink alots tho:3
last book: UHMMMS . three body problem ig ithink !! been trying to make myself read guilty gear begin tho!!!:3:3:333
last movie: oh this is a TOUGH question <-gal who does NOT watch movies .leik.frequentlys f;skdldksg. ok im almost def getting this wrong but i thiink nimona? may b ???? or madame web i cant rember fsdfkg;lkjsfdg </33
last tv show: MP100 IM P SURES !!:33 was watchin it w/a friend n we finalys reached ep3!!!!111X33 IT RULESSSS:33 ILOVBEITS ILOVEITSILOVEEITSS!!!!111X3333
sweet/savory/spicy: AHHHHHHdepends on tghe.timesies ? changes SOSOSMUCHS i could Not Say unforchies<?33 I LOVBE ALL FOODS;.THIGNY;.;SS THO ITHINKSS:33333!!111X33
relationship status: AROMANTIC 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🐻❄️🐻❄️🐻❄️🐻❄️🐻❄️🐻❄️🐻❄️🐻❄️🐻❄️🐻❄️🐻❄️🐻❄️🐻❄️🐻❄️🐻❄️🐻❄️🐻❄️🐻❄️🐻❄️<-aromantic polar bearsbtw:33
last thing I searched: neco arc's theme from melty blood!!! forgor it's name n was reminded of it bc i was playing some fighting games n had to google it fsd;k;kdljgsdfg
current obsession: UHMMMS.tekken ? may b ? idk fsdkl;jgs;kldg, probs fightin games !!:33 i LOOVBE TGHEMSS<33<33<3333
looking forward to: AHHHHHHHnot sure rn !!! uhmms .Hanging out w/my bestie ? we're gonna hangout soon so !!!WAIT ALSO GOING TO SCHOOLAGAIN .FINALLY GETTING BACK INTO A SCHOOL HECK YAAAA !!!!1111:333!!!1X333
bonus topics
favorite drink: OHHH I LVOBE FRUIT DRINKS THANGS:33 they're SOOO TASTYS <33:33
song playing on a loop in your head: great cat's village r.thisis not a good thing /silly
current favorite character: UHMMMMSSShard 2 picks !!:33 ive <33d leo tekken alot recentlys tbhs !!11!!111:33 HOWEVRS ALSOS ELPHET VALENTINE.ELPHELT MY ABSOLUTESHECKINB BELOVD<33333!!11X3333 ITHINKSS!!!1X333
fun activity you would like to get into: uhmmms !!! playin visual novels mores may bs??? i have ALOTTAS visual novels thangs fsdkgkjl;sd n I LOVBE EMS:3333 #1 VISUAL NOVEL FAN /silly !!!11X333
last video game: BLAZBLUE CHRONOPHANTASMA !!:33
last comic/graphic novel: PRINCESS N THE DRESSMAKERR<333 IT RULESS ILOVBEITS ILOVEITS ILOVEEITSS!!!!111X333 my swag friend rec'd it to me n it RULESSSS!!!!!111X33 IMSOSOSOSOBESSEDSSS:3333!!11X33
TAGGIGNSSS:33 (no pressure tho !!!! do NOT do this if u dont wanna lest my SPELL OF 10000EVIL FIREBALSSS;.THIGNY;.S;.S:3333!!!1X33) : @takoyakiwarlock @theclodofclods @button-phobia-is-real @sunsetforestzone @chaothiccneutral @lab-practicum @nostalgic-soda UHMMMS.taggigns is hard idk who 2 tags,..,.ANYONE EVRS CAN DO THIS IF U SEES ITS 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉:3:3:333!!!1X33
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thank you for tagging me @ungratefulbeyotchhotline !!!
i will tag uhh @sykoyo @buriedwithoutceremony @acidbathcat @menthe-venimeuse @pennysmell and anyone else who sees this :3
Do you make your bed? only at night before i get in!
What's your favorite number? 13... tomorrow is my day babie!!
What is your job? in theory i am an artist/creator and i work part-time retail for (unspecified major gaming company). in practice i'm a basically a NEET failwife lol
If you could go back to school, would you? probably yes!! depends on the schooling... i would really like to go to art school (soon). if i'm interested in it and there's no pressure i would love to
Can you parallel park? i cannot drive so. no. in my heart though i'm really good at it
A job you had that would surprise people? mannn idk i don't think any of my jobs were really surprising or out of character... people seem mildly shocked when i tell them i work for (unspecified major gaming company) but that's usually just because they didn't know they had retail-level employees
Do you think aliens are real? undoubtedly, there's no way life only exists on earth. sounds like a creationist myth
Can you drive a manual car? UMMM see above... trying to learn how to operate a clutch has been my biggest barrier to getting my license so far rip
What's your guilty pleasure? none, i refuse to feel guilty about things i enjoy. actually maybe i do feel guilty about picking at pimples (as i should)
Tattoos? none :( i thought i would have a bunch by now but i just haven't pulled the trigger yet
Favorite color? this specific oversaturated lime green/yellow is myyyy colour #c5ff00
Favorite type of music? i love weird house+techno and like emo music... also really enjoy prog metal and jazz and deep dubstep. anything i can just vibe to or musically complex but still enjoyable. a few artists/bands i really like are dance gavin dance, jafu, origami button, moderat, fm-84, jamiroquai, loathe, minor sine project
Do you like puzzles? depends, i like video game puzzles but i'm not really a big puzzle person. my family does a big jigsaw puzzle at xmas every year and i'm not very good at them bc i tend to focus on one piece instead of the whole puzzle. call me if u need to pack though that's my kind of puzzle
Any phobias? genuinely don't know. i don't really like crowds. also i get gross vertigo so i'm not great with high places but idk if i would call it a phobia
Favorite childhood sport? none lol i played soccer for a few years and haaaaated it. i am not a very physical person but i respect people who do sports.
Do you talk to yourself? sometimes. mostly i talk to my dog
What movies do you adore? a goofy movie is the best animated musical of all time and i will die on this hill
Coffee or Tea? coffee. kind of a hard choice cuz i love my yerba mate but nothing hits like coffee with milk in the morning
First thing you wanted to be when you grew up? idk lol probably a wolf
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