#butchering canon's spirit

[hermod-official]

mod here - i sometimes wonder if i am crazy weirdo out of character for hermod and then i realize that it doesnt matter. if nomura didnt make him silly goofy that is his loss. i hope canon hermod characterization is a dead man to all of you and you are plagued with visions of my shenanigans whenever you see him

[geminiwritten]

i’m yours ; billy butcher

fandom: the boys

pairing: billy x reader

summary: you find out that butcher slept with maeve, and attempt to ignore your feelings by going m.i.a. and going home with a complete stranger, only to awake the green-eyed monster living inside of butcher

preface: this isn’t set in canon timeline, it’s basically just using the bit where butcher sleeps with maeve as a bit of a jealousy catalyst

notes: this man has a hold on me... and i feel like this got a little rushed at the end but i still kind of like it, please let me know what y’all think! (also, i’m sorry all my stuff has the same formula, i promise i’m trying to mix it up!)

warnings: a lot of swearing, the ‘sewer-slide’ word, google-translated french, sexual content, and some soft smut

word count: 5315

Things are good, too good, but you’re doing your best not to look a gift horse in the mouth. Hughie and Annie are happy, MM is content, and Frenchie is excitedly creating new methods of blowing up Supes almost daily. Butcher is… well, Butcher. He’s grumpy and brash, but seems to be feeling a little more positive lately, focusing more on recon and intel rather than running in with guns blazing.

For the first time in what felt like a lifetime, you had managed to go grocery shopping without anyone stumbling home bloody and bruised. Frenchie is humming along to the song that had been playing on the radio, carrying most of the plastic bags while MM carries one with you on his back. You were all in such high spirits that he had let you jump on his back at the bottom of the apartment stairs, carrying you up four flights as if you weighed no more than a hiking backpack.

Frenchie chuckles at the two of you as he unlocks the apartment door, entering first and pushing it open all the way. You have to duck a little, giggling and holding on to MM for dear life as he starts jogging toward the couch. He drops the bag on the floor before falling into the sofa, and you squeal as he squashes you.

“Hey,” you exclaim, still laughing, “what the fuck? Steeds don’t sit on their riders!”

“You want to ride me next, petit ange?” Frenchie calls from the kitchen.

You writhe until MM moves, standing up with a satisfied grin across his lips. You flip him your middle finger as he turns away, ushering Frenchie out of the kitchen so he can put the groceries away. You find the TV remote buried in the couch cushions, and just as the old screen flickers to life, Kimiko emerges from the hallway. She looks at Frenchie with a small smile, signing hello before her nose crinkles, and she signs another sentence you struggle to catch as your attention is called toward the master bedroom doors.

Frenchie frowns curiously, “She says that it smells in here.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you lot are stinkin’ up my fuckin’ apartment,” Butcher says, running a hand through his hair.

He looks like shit. His shirt is wrinkled and the buttons are fastened crookedly, his hair is standing up in all directions, and the circles beneath his eyes are several shades darker than usual.

“It is our apartment, Butcher,” Frenchie states, “it is the least you can after making me blow up my last two places, eh?”

Butcher rolls his eyes before dropping into one of the dining room chairs, holding his face in his hands as he takes several deep breaths.

Frenchie looks to Kimiko again before translating, “She says it smells like alcohol and sweat, and a perfume that she has not smelt before.”

“I don’t wear perfume,” you note, “every time we have to haul ass and run, the bottles end up broken or missing, so I gave up.”

MM raises his hands in defence, “Don’t look at me, I haven’t seen anyone but you lot in the past twelve hours.”

“Perhaps it is something we picked up at the shops,” Frenchie shrugs.

Kimiko signs again, and you watch her to listen.

“You can smell a stranger?” you ask with a frown.

“To reiterate,” MM says, “I stayed at a motel alone last night, I was too tired to drive all the way here after visiting Janine.”

“I stayed with Annie,” you point out, “is that who you can smell?”

Kimiko shakes her head, and your heart begins to race anxiously. Neither she nor Frenchie stayed here last night either, opting for one of his old hideouts after scouring the city for any possible missed traces that Vought could use to find you all.

MM turns to Butcher, “Was there someone here last night?”

“Why would you not tell us that there was a break in?” Frenchie demands, his face a mixture of irritation and concern.

Butcher sighs, “There wasn’t a fuckin’ break in, calm down.”

Kimiko pads quietly around the room, subtly sniffing the air around MM and then Frenchie before moving toward you. She inhales above your head and grimaces, before moving to the side and taking a deep breath over the couch.

You shoot up from your seat and stumble toward the kitchen, “Me or the couch?”

She points at the sofa.

“Butcher,” MM says, his voice demanding, “explain before I slap your hungover ass.”

Its only then that you notice the two empty bottles of whiskey, one on the coffee table and one laying on the floor. You back up slowly toward the kitchen, a fresh wave of panic washing over you.

“Someone stopped by,” Butcher mutters into his hands, “that’s all.”

You reach the kitchen bench at the same time Kimiko does, still sniffing like a police dog, and her face twists into a disgusted frown. You startle again, jumping back from the bench as if it had burnt you.

“Care to elaborate?” MM presses.

Butcher sighs, and you can feel a lump growing in your throat.

“We all sleep here too, Butcher,” Frenchie states, “and we deserve to know if it is still safe to do so.”

“‘Course it’s fuckin’ safe,” Butcher says, finally turning his head to face the room. “Maeve came by, alrigh’? Just her, ‘n’ she had some information, so we had a chat and a drink. Is that alrigh’ with you nosey bastards?”

A weight drops in your stomach, anchoring you to the floor as moisture begins to blur your vision.

Kimiko stops sniffing when she reaches Butcher, cringing and stumbling several paces back until she is beside Frenchie.

“You slept with a Supe?” MM gasps.

Butcher huffs and pushes himself up from the chair, “No fuckin’ privacy with you lot, is there?”

MM raises his hands again, “Hey, I’m not judging, just shocked.”

Frenchie’s concern melts into taunting smirk, “No need to be defensive, Monsieur Charcutier, we all have our needs, and I am surprised that you managed to woo such a beautiful woman.”

“Fuck off, Frenchie,” Butcher sighs, dragging his feet toward the fridge.

Their voices blur into white noise as you focus on the slow inhale and exhale of your breath. You wriggle your toes in your boots, forcing yourself to feel your physical body instead of the whirlwind of emotions swirling through your head. It feels like your skull is fracturing with the effort that it takes to contain the storm, but you refuse to let your feelings win. You find a bottle and push them inside, jamming the cork in just as Frenchie snaps his fingers in front of your nose.

You blink, “What?”

“Are you okay?” he asks, a soft crease between his brows.

“Yeah, sorry,” you blink again to quell your watery eyes, “what’s up?”

“Are you hungry?”

You glance over his shoulder at Butcher, his head in the fridge as he ignores MM’s demands to get out of the way.

“Not really,” you reply, “I was actually thinking about going back over to Annie’s, I think I forgot my… my socks.”

The concern between Frenchie’s brows deepens, “You forgot your socks?”

You nod, “My favourite socks.”

“Didn’t know you had favourite socks,” Butcher mumbles as he steps out of the kitchen.

“You don’t know a lot of things,” you state, plastering on a smile that you know doesn’t reach your eyes.

You can feel their curious gazes on you as you turn, retrieving your wallet and keys from the couch before striding out of the apartment door without a second glance. You pull your phone out of your pocket and text Annie to let her know that you’re on your way before switching it to ‘do not disturb’ and zipping it inside your jacket pocket, determined to forget about it until you’ve got a handle on your emotions.

The sun is setting by the time you reach the familiar street on which Hughie and Annie’s apartment is located, and you’re rather proud of the fact that you managed to focus on nothing but your steady steps the whole way here. You look up at the brick building on your left, but instead of turning toward the front steps, your feet carrying you across the street toward the park, not stopping until you’re standing in front of an empty bench.

“Something wrong with that one?” a voice asks, and you startle toward the source of it.

A young man is standing beside you, clad in running shorts and a tight exercise jacket. He doesn’t look menacing, but your whole body tenses as your fight or flight instincts battle for dominance.

“I’m sorry?”

He chuckles, “The bench, I mean. You’re frowning at it as if it’s diseased or something.”

“Oh,” you look back at the moss-ridden seat, “no, I just- I don’t know.”

“Are you alright?”

He buries his hands in the pockets of his jacket, and you let yourself relax, deciding that he isn’t a threat, just an overly friendly stranger.

“I’m fine, sorry,” you sigh, “just had a weird day.”

“That’s nothing to apologise for,” he says, sitting on the bench and looking up at you. “I know the feeling.”

You sit beside him, watching his side profile and slowly realising how attractive he is. His hair is cropped short, shorter than you usually liked, but his eyes are a stunning green and the faint shadow of stubble across his jaw is definitely something you can appreciate.

“Do you often approach strangers in the park?” you ask.

He laughs again, his eyes sparkling under the orange sky, “No, not really, especially not strangers as gorgeous as you.”

You blush at the ground, deciding to focus on your fraying shoelaces rather than the handsome stranger.

“But I figured,” he goes on, “that if I didn’t ask this pretty girl if she was okay, I might not be able to stop thinking about her for the rest of my life.”

You actually giggle, immediately cursing yourself for being so easy, “That’s a long time.”

“I know, right? I didn’t fancy the risk, and hey,” he smiles at you, “looks like it might have been worth it.”

“Maybe,” you smile back, “I’m Y/N, by the way.”

“Nate.”

You’re not sure if you’re an idiot or if you’ve just given up on your own personal safety, but you sit and talk to Nate until the sun is well below the horizon. You learn that he’s a journalist and a dog person, and lately he’s been more afraid of Supes than comforted by their presence. You tell him you’re a freelancer, because it isn’t technically a lie, and that you’re in between gigs at the moment but questioning whether you’re really doing what you want to be doing. Also, not a lie.

“I know that this is probably very forward,” he says, his knee bouncing nervously, “but did you want to come back to my place for a drink? I would suggest a bar, but I’m not really dressed for it, and I just get this feeling that as soon as we say goodbye, you’re going to disappear forever.”

You frown, “You’re a real long-term guy, aren’t you?”

His cheeks flush pink, “I don’t have to be.”

As you walk alongside the man you met mere hours ago, you come to the conclusion that you must be suicidal. In the current state that the world is in, who in their right mind goes home with a complete stranger? You, apparently.

His apartment isn’t far from the park, which is a little comforting, knowing that you will have a speedy escape to Annie’s place if this guy does end up being a psycho serial killer. The buildings all look the same as you approach a row of tall brick blocks, climbing the few concrete steps up to the lobby doors before scaling three flights to reach his apartment door.

It’s surprisingly well decorated inside, and you can eye a few expensive items that make you wonder if he really is a struggling journalist, or perhaps a shady underground arts dealer. You take a seat at the kitchen bench as he babbles about how crappy his landlord is and how much money he’s had to spend on the place to make it liveable. The glass of wine he places in front of you is gone within two gulps, and he happily pours you another.

“I feel like I probably should have asked this a few hours ago,” he says with a sheepish smile, “but you aren’t with anyone, are you? Engaged or married, or anything like that.”

You choke on your mouthful of cheap wine, coughing the burn away while he hurries to get you a glass of water.

“No,” you finally reply, “I’m not, at all.”

“Good,” he replies, his earnest grin returning, “I mean, it’s surprising because you’re incredible, but I’m glad.”

You offer him a smile that you hope appears coy and not at all forced before drinking down the rest of your second glass of wine. He moves into the lounge room, and you take the opportunity to pour yourself another generous glass, quickly swallowing the two mouthfuls left in the bottle while his back is still turned. You gingerly place the empty bottle in the sink before following him, dropping onto the soft leather couch as he turns on the television.

A news broadcast lights up the screen, and fiery images of a truck collision flash behind the breaking news banner that reads: ‘QUEEN MAEVE SAVES THE DAY’. Your stomach twists into a knot as the bottle of emotions you had managed to almost forget about begins to break, the glass fracturing and threatening to send you into a full-blown mental breakdown.

“Damn,” Nate sighs, “I know the Supes are pretty sketchy these days, but Queen Maeve is just gorgeous.”

With one last burning gulp of wine, you turn to the man beside you and take his head between your hands, crushing your lips against his. He gasps, but responds quickly, his hands finding your hips and guiding you onto his lap.

The rest of the night is a blur as you attempt to give all of your attention to this stranger that you barely know instead of confronting the green-eyed monster roaring in your belly. He finishes once on the couch, pretty quickly, but you’re not one to judge, before you drag him into the bedroom and away from the incessant news broadcasts of Queen Maeve’s heroic act.

It isn’t your alarm that wakes you, or the sound of Frenchie and MM arguing about how to cook eggs, but rather the unfamiliar scent that douses your breath. Your body trembles with anxiety and your eyes snap open, darting around the strange room as your thoughts scramble to remember how you got here.

“Fuck,” you sigh at the sound of someone snoring beside you.

You gently roll over and slip out of the sheets, cold air immediately nipping at your naked body. You find the nearest item of clothing and slip it over your head before tiptoeing out of the bedroom and into the lounge room. Nerves and hunger mingle inside of your stomach, making you overwhelmingly nauseous by the time you find your jacket thrown over the back of the couch.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you mutter as you retrieve your phone from the pocket.

Dozens of missed calls and text messages fill your lock screen, several from Annie and Frenchie, a couple from Hughie and MM, but the majority of them listed under Butcher’s contact name, ‘Big Willy’. You thought it was funny a few days ago.

You quickly text Annie that you’re okay, you’re incredibly sorry, and that you’ll fill her in as soon as you see her. You find your jeans and wriggle into them before finding your panties and tucking them into your back pocket. You scoop your bra and your shirt off the floor on your way to the kitchen, and check your phone again for a reply from Annie. Nothing yet.

You drink the glass of untouched water from the kitchen bench before splashing your face and trying to calm the vibration of nerves coursing through your body.

“Hey.”

You startle at the sudden voice, turning to find Nate in nothing but sweatpants as he emerges from the bedroom.

“Hey,” you murmur.

He frowns, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I-I’m fine, just- uh, my friends have been calling me,” you gesture to your phone, “and they’re pretty worried.”

“Oh,” he lets out a long breath, “I didn’t even hear it ringing last night.”

You smile weakly, not bothering to explain that you were intentionally avoiding your phone all afternoon.

He steps forward, “So, did you-”

The apartment door bursts open, splinters of wood scattering across the floor as you squeal and Nate jumps away from the blow. Your heart is racing, but your body reacts as it was trained to do, and you dive for a knife from the block beside the stove before freezing as you recognise the figure stalking through the broken door.

“Butcher,” you say, “what the fuck?”

His head snaps toward you, the crease between his brows softening and his eyes looking almost vulnerable as realises that it’s you.

“I’m sorry, but who the fuck are you and why did you just break my door?” Nate speaks up.

Your stomach sinks as Butcher’s attention is turned toward the shirtless man, murderous intent returning to his face.

“Who the fuck am I?” he spits, “Who the fuck are you?”

Nate looks tiny compared to Butcher, his narrow frame absolutely dwarfed by Butcher’s broad height and intimidating stance.

“I-I’m Nate,” the smaller man says, “and this is my apartment, that’s my door that you just destroyed.”

“Yeah?” Butcher taunts, stalking forward, “An’ what’re you gon’a do ‘bout it?”

Nate looks at you, his eyes frantic and begging for help.

“Butcher, calm down, he’s-”

“Calm down?” he whirls toward you, “You want me to fuckin’ calm down?!”

“Hey, man,” Nate says, “we can talk, you don’t have to-”

“Nate,” you put your hand up, “I’m sorry, but please shut up.”

“Nate,” Butcher repeats mockingly, “if you value your life, I’d listen to ‘er.”

You drop the knife on the bench, “Butcher, can we just leave, please?”

“You don’t get to make any requests right now, sweethear’,” he says, taking a heavy step toward you, “not after the shit you put me through for the past twelve fuckin’ hours.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” he drawls sarcastically, “maybe ‘bout the fact that you fuckin’ disappeared! You didn’t answer your damn phone, didn’t tell anyone where you fuckin’ were! I got a call from Hughie askin’ if you were back home, ‘cause you texted Annie ‘n’ told her you were comin’, but didn’t fuckin’ show up!”

A pebble of guilt drops into your stomach, but you ignore it, squaring up to him with a scowl.

“So?” you shrug, “I’m an adult, I can do as I fucking please.”

“Not without tellin’ me!” he exclaims, “Not if I don’t know where you fuckin’ are or if you’re even fuckin’ alive!”

“You’re not my fucking father, Butcher!” you shout back, feeling another fissure in the bottle of emotions. “I don’t belong to you, I don’t have to ask you for permission to live my own fucking life!”

His jaw twitches, a tidal wave of emotion crashing through his eyes all too quickly for you to try and discern any of them.

“A-Are you Y/N’s boyfriend?” Nate asks timidly.

You and Butcher turn to him in unison, exclaiming at the same time, “No!”

A beat of silence passes, and Butcher’s glare doesn’t falter. You take a deep breath to try and sooth the storm of frustration threatening to consume you.

“Butcher,” you say softly, “can we please leave?”

His head snaps back toward you, his eyes scanning your body as they fill with realisation.

“Did you fuck her?” he asks, turning back to Nate.

He doesn’t respond, his mouth hanging open as he takes several steps back.

“You gon’a answer me?”

“Butcher,” you say again, “cut it out.”

He takes another menacing step toward Nate, “I asked you a question.”

“W-We slept together, yes,” Nate stammers.

The laugh that leaves Butcher’s lips is chilling, sounding almost mad.

“Oh, pardon my French,” he says, “perhaps I should’a asked if you made sweet fuckin’ love to this gorgeous woman right ‘ere.”

“For fuck’s sake!” you shout, “Stop it, stop whatever the fuck this is, and let’s just fucking go!”

“You’re tellin’ me that you fuckin’ disappeared so you could hide out with this fuckin’ twat?” Butcher exclaims, “You let me worry myself fuckin’ sick so you could get a lousy fuck?”

The bottle explodes, shards of glass cutting you from the inside and sending white hot waves of frustration and anger, and despair rolling through your body.

“I can fuck whoever I want, Butcher!” you scream, startled by the volume of your own voice.

His eyes narrow, but his lips don’t move.

“And you can fuck whoever the fuck you want,” you spit, “obviously.”

You snatch your phone off the bench and stomp toward the door, turning to Nate with an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, about… this.”

You continue down the hall and the three flights of stairs, not bothering to check if Butcher is following until you’re outside. The temperature is significantly lower than it was yesterday, but your stubbornness doesn’t let you show it as Butcher strides past you toward the car haphazardly parked at the curb.

You climb into the passenger’s seat, sitting as close as you can to the door and hugging your clothes against your chest as you stare out the window. Tears fill your eyes, your nose growing hot and your cheeks undoubtedly red as you use every ounce of self-control you still have to stave of the inevitable. All you need to do is make it home and make it to your bedroom, and then you can cry. You can curl up with your face in your pillow and sob, and admit that you’re jealous, that you’re hurt, and that you love a man who doesn’t even understand the meaning of that word anymore.

“You look like shit,” he grunts.

You sniffle, keeping your face turned away from him, “So do you.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t get much fuckin’ sleep,” he says as the car comes to a halt, “I was up all night worryin’ ‘bout whether or not you were fuckin’ alive.”

“Well, I didn’t get much sleep either,” you retort, before pushing the passenger door open and stumbling out.

You hear the car door slam as you hurry up the stairs and into the building, taking the steps two at a time until you reach the apartment door. To your great relief, it’s unlocked, and you let yourself in before Butcher has even made it into the hallway.

“Oh, my goodness, mon amour,” Frenchie gasps, “you’re alive! You’re okay… are you okay?”

You don’t realise your crying until you try to look at him, your vision blurred by heavy tears as they fall in fat droplets down your cheeks.

MM steps forward, “What happened?”

“Nothing,” you wipe your eyes with the back of your hand, “I’m fine, I was with a-a friend.”

“A friend?” Butcher echoes, the door slamming behind him.

Your blood sizzles in your veins, heated by the overwhelming frustration coiling in your chest.

“How the fuck did you know where I was?” you demand, spinning around to face him.

He doesn’t answer.

“Do you have my fucking phone bugged?”

Butcher blows a long breath out of his nose, the thick vein in his neck throbbing under his red skin. “Look,” he says, “I know that whatever the fuck just happened wasn’t ideal, but why can’t you fuckin’ see this from my point of view?”

“Our point of view,” MM corrects, “we were all worried.”

“I get that!” you exclaim, “I fucking understand that, but what I don’t understand is why Butcher is still acting like such a fucking cunt. You can see that I’m fine! I’m alive, so what’s your problem?”

“What’s your problem?” he snaps, “Why didn’t you answer your fuckin’ phone? Why didn’t you tell anyone where you fuckin’ were? And why the fuck did you go home with a complete fuckin’ stranger?”

“Oh, shit,” Frenchie murmurs.

“Maybe I just needed a fucking break.”

The room falls quiet, the only sound being Frenchie’s soft footsteps as he backs away. You use the clothes in your arms to wipe the fresh fall of tears from your cheeks and try to ease your shaky breaths as you wait for another onslaught of reprimands.

Butcher sighs, “Go shower.”

“What?”

“You need to shower,” he says, stepping forward.

You frown, “Why?”

“You look like shit, and you sm-” he stops himself, pausing when you take a small step back.

“I look like shit and I smell,” you finish for him, “thanks, Butcher.”

You drag your feet toward the bathroom, dropping your clothes on the floor and staring at your wrecked face in the mirror. Your hair is a mess and your face is blotchy and red, with streaks of black painting your cheeks. The shirt hanging loosely from your shoulders is unfamiliar, and something akin to disgust settles in the pit of your stomach.

“Give me your clothes,” Butcher says as he appears in the reflection behind you.

“Why can’t you just fucking leave me alone?”

He sighs, “I’m tryin’ to help.”

“I don’t want your fucking help,” you turn to him and lean against the vanity, “go offer it to someone else. I’m sure Maeve would love to see your fucking name pop up on her phone.”

His frown disappears, and you can feel the air shift. Fuck. Now you’ve done it. The shards of glass sticking you from the inside have cut right through your chest, slicing it open as your ribcage cracks and unfolds, presenting your pathetic heart to the man who already held it in his hands.

“Fuck,” he mutters.

Tears sting your eyes, but you blink them back with determination.

“I-Is that what this is-” he struggles for words, running his hands through his hair, “for fuck’s sake, Y/N.”

Your breath comes and goes in short gasps, the lump in your throat crushing your windpipe as it demands to be felt.

“For fuck’s sake!” he exclaims, before taking one step forward and slamming the bathroom door shut.

Fear sparks through you, and you whimper, “Butcher, please don’t-”

Before you can finish, he pulls you against his chest, his arms wrapping around you in a vice hold as he rests his chin on the top of your head. You sob into his shirt, tremors wracking your exhausted body as every bit of fear and frustration tears you apart from the inside. You’re not sure how you let yourself get this emotional. Maybe it’s the fact that the world is falling apart, and you’re supposed to act like you’re ready to save it? Or maybe it’s because you’re fucking tired of having everything you love ripped away from you, every chance you think you might have at happiness taken from you by the cunts in the sky who call themselves ‘Superheroes’.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, “I’m so fuckin’ sorry.”

The turbulence inside of you quells simply because you finally acknowledged it, and you manage to swallow the lump in your throat.

“Butcher,” you croak, looking up at him through tear laced lashes, “kiss me?”

He hooks a finger beneath your chin and tilts it up, leaning in to meet you the rest of the way before his lips brush yours. It’s hesitant and soft, barely a touch, and he pulls away too soon.

“You need to shower.”

“Oh,” you try to wriggle out of his arms, but they’re too strong.

“I can smell that fuckin’ twat all over you,” he growls, “an’ it’s makin’ me fuckin’ sick.”

Realisation slaps you across the face, giving you the strength to remember how to hold yourself up as he pulls away. His fingers curl into the material at the neck of your shirt, ripping it apart right down the middle before pushing it off your shoulders and tossing it on the floor.

Another growl rumbles through his chest and the air in the room shifts again, now thick with a tension that has your heart throbbing in anticipation. Your mind races, your thoughts riding rollercoasters as you struggle to catch up with his fast hands. Your jeans are unbuttoned and pooled around your ankles in less than a second, and he takes another moment to devour your naked body before moving to turn on the shower.

You stumble out of your jeans as he quickly sheds his own clothes before wrapping an arm around your waist. He pulls you under the warm stream of water and holds your body against his, the feeling of his bare skin making your head spin. He takes the bottle of bodywash from the small shelf and pops the cap with one hand, turning it upside down and squirting a ridiculous amount all over your chest and his.

You giggle and he grins, returning the bottle to the shelf before crushing his lips against yours. The soap makes your skin slide against his in the most delicious way and you can feel your core clench, eliciting a wanton moan from your open mouth. His tongue swipes across your bottom lip before pushing into your mouth and claiming you with hungry, sloppy kisses.

“Didn’t think you’d be jealous,” he murmurs against your mouth, “didn’t think you fuckin’ cared about me.”

You slide your hands across his bare shoulders and behind his neck, finding purchase in his wet hair and tugging gently as you kiss him with every ounce of passion that you have.

“I do care,” you sigh when his lips leave yours to lap at your neck, “I am fucking jealous.”

“Sweethear’,” he whispers, his hands moving to your breasts, “you’ve got nothin’ to be fuckin’ jealous ‘bout.”

His mouth leaves your skin as he turns you to face the wall, pressing his body against your back before pushing you into the tiled wall. You gasp first at the sudden cold, and then at the feeling of him grinding himself against your ass.

“I’m yours,” he growls, his lips against your shoulder, “always fuckin’ have been.”

You still manage to speak despite the pleasure of him threatening to overwhelm you. “Then why?”

One hand wraps gently around your throat while the other splays across your lower belly, teasing the place just below that aches for his touch.

“‘Cause I never fuckin’ dreamed that I’d have you,” he says, his lips at your ear now.

You reach back with one hand, holding the nape of his neck as you turn so that your mouth can meet his in a messy kiss.

“You’ve always had me,” you murmur, “I belonged to you the day I met you.”

His hips buck against your ass, pressing you against the wall and making you whimper.

“You’re mine,” he says, moving back just enough for you to turn around.

You nod as you lean down to kiss his neck. Your tongue laving at his wet skin before your teeth sink in and he hisses, one hand squeezing your hip as the other smacks against the tiled wall.

“All yours.”

You place your hands against his chest, pushing him back enough for you to drop to your knees, your hands trailing down his body until they reach his hips. You dig your fingers in and look up at him through your wet lashes.

“Show me who I belong to.”

END.

[the-whispers-of-death]

So you know how Ghost used to be a butcher before being a soldier? (Let's just pretend that it's canon that 22' Ghost has the same backstory as 09' Ghost.) Okay now imagine Butcher!Reader going to a local bar after a long day of work.

You're in clean clothes, you changed before coming to the bar, but there's still small traces of blood in your scent. Because of that and because of how large you are (because of course you'd be large, you carry carcasses of meat around all day and chop them up), people aren't really interacting with you. You're just sitting at the bar, drinking alone.

Until Ghost sits down next to you. It takes a while for him to speak, the two of you in silence until he does so. He talks about your job, reminiscing about his own days of being a butcher. He's drawn towards you because of that, sees a kindred spirit in your shared experiences.

And yes, part of it is because his time as a butcher was before his family died. His mother, brother, sister-in-law, & nephew were still alive then. And in the small traces of blood that lingers around you, he can almost feel like he's back there with them. That he's home again. But he knows that it would be unfair to only be around you because you remind him of better times, but then he ends up actually liking you for you.

With each interaction that you guys have over the next few weeks and months, each time you meet up, he falls in love with you. The way you laugh, the way you smile. Even the way you walk. And slowly but surely, you start to become his home. He smells the traces of animal blood on you and doesn't get reminded of his family, he gets reminded of you and only you. He'll always love the family he lost, but he found a new one in you.

Reblogs are welcomed & appreciated!

[blacklegsanjiii]

•°♤°• Taking a break from ASL x Sanji. Now it's time for Zosan 😀. In this AU, set in the Canon, what would happen if Zoro swords has spirits? I know that you told me you read Kishi Kaisei by coffeeblues but I wanted YOUR opinion and hcs on this.

Okay, I've sat on this SINCE APRIL trying to figure out what I wanted to do and just banging my head into the desk at work because imagine Sanji meeting Zoro and taking care of Wado on the way to Cocoyashi with extreme love and care for this fucking mossheaded dumbass he met like two hours ago. He feels connected to the sword in some weird way and every once in a while, he feels like someone is watching him when no one, not even Luffy, is. Sometimes he'll catch something in the corner of his eye usually if he turns to look. Sure, Zoro talks to the sword, but he's kind of weird, nothing new, the whole crew is. Then in Loguetown Zoro gets Kitetsu and Yubashiri, talking them too when he cleans and cares for them. It feels like there's more people watching the cook after that and Sanji feels like he's going insane.

Until after Thriller Bark when he brings Zoro back to the crew with a new sword, Yubashiri's hilt gone, and just Zoro's blood soaking both of them. After he cleans himself up and takes care of feeding people he sits alone and cleans the swords and there's suddenly a woman in front of him as he works on Wado. She's not fully there and looking at Sanji curiously and Sanji stumbles out a surprised greeting and apologizes because he's covered in oil on his hands but he can get her something to eat but she smiles and puts a hand on his cheek before disappearing. Sanji has to sit there for a minute trying to figure out what the fuck that was before finishing with Wado and working on Kitetsu he sternly tells to settle the fuck down, Zoro's alive, because the energy coming off the sword is not fun for the cook. Sanji's not dumb, he's been a pirate long enough to know swords can carry carry the souls of the past far into the future, he served Mihawk all the time. If there's not something to make his blades cursed or whatever then Sanji is fucking crazy. Kitetsu, despite being a little shit, does respect Sanji enough to not hurt him when he cleans it. Sanji is always so nice, gentle and powerful which shocks Kitetsu and Shusui but Wado likes Sanji and their master respects him, a good match.

Zoro is confused when he comes to because his swords are singing Sanji, the idiot cook, their praises for caring for them in his absence. Wado especially enjoyed their time together outside of sparring which Kitetsu agrees with and Shusui says the man was nice, knew how to clean a sword well and holds them well. Zoro doesn't believe a word they say until like a year into his stay on Kuriagana when Mihawk points out his swords seem...lacking. As if their longing for something. Perona asks if it's the cook Zoro constantly talks about and Zoro looks at his swords and feels them grinning like fucking assholes at him. Mihawk simply hums something to himself about telling Zeff, ignoring the questioning from Perona and Zoro who is also having a lot of feelings.

When the crew comes back together and Zoro and Sanji finally get to spar again Zoro can feel his swords basically sing with how pleased they are to see the cook. He's not jealous just confused and Sanji keeps glancing at his swords too so maybe it's a possibility that his swords like the cook, they're dumb for it. He's annoying and prissy, sure he matches Zoro still, but only just barely! Zoro will surpass him soon and it'll be all over for the cook. It's still weird the cook is looking at them though because it's not like he can see or hear them like Zoro can. That'd be ridiculous, preposterous, unheard of. Zoro doesn't fucking believe it when they whine when they get separated again after Dressrosa. Even Law looks amused.

"Are they misbehaving?" Law asks with a grin like the cleaver Sanji uses to butcher seakings.

"Just keep saying dumb shit." Zoro mutters.

"Do they miss Blackleg-ya? Considering your history it would make sense." Law asks.

"How would you know?" Zoro growls.

"It's not exactly easy to dismiss how often you two spend together, swords are an extension of their master's after all." Law shrugs as he adjusts Kikoku. Zoro grumbles to himself as Wado whispers to him that Zoro misses him too and he should have heard how worried the cook has been for him. Zoro tells them to shut the fuck up in his head making them laugh. He listens to them mourn again when he finds out Sanji left the crew on Zou. When Luffy says he's going to bring the cook back Zoro feels a tension leave he didn't know he was carrying. On Wano though the cook keeps avoiding him or they're too busy to talk or Zoro's training with Enma after trading Shusui for it, he thanked Shusui of course but Enma is a demon in a sword and Shusui belongs in Wano, in their home. Then Zoro promises to kill Sanji and Wado is screaming that they don't want to, that he can't make them! Enma says they'll do it willingly and their voice is filled with glee as Kitetsu screams in fury and anguish.

It's not until after the raid, after the parties have calmed down and Zoro and his swords are calmed down from having to possibly kill the cook and crawling out of hell, still he doesn't ask Sanji about it. He and the cook are sitting together and Hiyori is still trying to fret over Zoro and Wado and Kitetsu aren't exactly pleased with the woman. Sanji keeps stealing glances at them and Zoro is growing agitated with the looks from the cook and the voices of the swords calling for Sanji instead of the princess. Once she leaves Sanji doesn't stop the glances and Zoro is growing more and more annoyed.

"Spit it out, Cook." Zoro growls at him.

"Why do I hear them?" Sanji asks suddenly, slightly panicked.

"Why did you ask me to kill you?" Zoro asks back. "None of us are happy with you, I don't know why they want you or why you can hear them!" Sanji is staring at him with a crazed look that knocks some knots loose that have been tied in Zoro's gut since Zou. Sanji steps forward and Wado is basically screaming for the cook to hold her and Zoro gives a jerky nod to the cook who does take the most precious sword from him and holds it. Sanji sighs and apologizes to them all for what happened it's just between his birth family and his past he wasn't entirely sure he would come out of the fight like he was before and he needed the reassurance that Zoro would do what was needed. Kitetsu and Enma seem sorrowful they don't get to take the cook down and Sanji mutters they sound just like Zoro who punches him in the shoulder lightly and grumbles as Wado tells Sanji how worried they were for him and how much they care for him and yeah. Sanji is bright red.

Zoro moves to grab Wado but Sanji pulls the sword away and grabs Zoro's robes and pulls him up just barely to kiss him.

"At least Wado tells me how you feel." Sanji mumbles looking away as Zoro blushes.

"Traitor." Zoro grumbles as he pulls Sanji down on top of him and kisses him again.

[kcokaine]

Top 5 ships (can be canon or non canon) from any media? Why love them? Thx 🌻

Obito x Kakashi (naruto shippuden) - Very complex realtionship based on guilt and envy. Majorly toxic so its also dramatic. Obito is also insane in the head and Kakashi just accepts all the punishment from him out of pure guilt and desperation for what he did. Its kind of a Stockholm syndrome dynamic

Sukuna x Gojo (jujutsu kaisen) - Very much love this dynamic of 2 parallels of big power. Both are lonely and mistaken love in their life already. Gojo has abandonment issues and Sukuna avoids love in general. So gojo natually clings to Sukuna while sukuna tries to push him away but once gojo is pushed away sukuna clings to him in return. It's dynamic of someone with broken sense of love and someone who comprehends love like a child. Sukuna keeps taking and taking until Gojo cant give anymore but thats ironically when Sukuna understands his feelings.

Ocelot x Big boss (metal gear solid) - Very complex also. Type of onesided relationship. Ocelot loves Big boss unconditionally for who he is not just what he represents. Does everything for him while Snake doesn't return it. Ocelot is symbol of love and connection to me while big boss is reduced to being an idea/weapon. Both of them were always used and definitely bonded over their experiences. I think Ocelot also admires Snake in many ways, its really toxic ship about one sided unconditional love.

Ahri x Akali (league of legends) - My fav yuri ship ever. Its kind of self insert because i associate with akali alot and I also like kitsunes (i wanna fuck em) Its a dynamic of this youthful first love where akali grows obsessed over Ahri, a spirit that charms humans and then eats their souls. So akali is on thin ice but she finds ahri so endearing and beautiful she wont stop visiting her. Definitely romeo and juliet type of dynamic.

Homelander x Butcher (The boys) - Another parallel of same struggle. They are essentially same person just under different circumstances if that makes sense. They both have same motivations just complete opposite. Not much to say to this ship, its not that deep i just find it fun :D

[ichinoue]

I just finished watching bleach, and I'm not much of a shipper, as in I didn't care for the ships. But ichihime just didn't make sense to me, I have no problem with renruki but ichihime just didn't do it. So like I'm genuinely curious as to how they stuck out for people like you who absolutely adore it, I've also seen alot of hate towards it so once again I'm curious. Is there any reason that you personally always loved the ship? Be it their chemistry? Or interactions?I don't know I just want to see the appeal

Well, for starters, if you've only watched the anime, I think that can definitely taint your perception of IH because the animators butchered it so much compared to how it actually is in the manga, especially in the early arcs. I made a post on the very first IH moment in the anime vs. the manga here although it's pretty old so the links I used as references are probably broken now. But I definitely recommend reading the manga to get a true sense of what their dynamic is like!

Honestly it's hard to sum up why I love this ship so much without pulling out a bunch of manga pages and turning this into a full blown essay of things I've already said a million times before (but I'll attach a bunch of links to some of those posts below lol).

But I just love the sweetness of IchiHime. The mutual respect. The selfless care and consideration they have for each other. How dorky they are together. The way they make each other better, and stronger. The way Orihime can pull so many passionate, emotional reactions out of Ichigo--the way he softens around her, the blind rage when his enemies use her to taunt him, the way he flies off the handle in a panic when he thinks she's in danger, the depression he fell into when she was gone, the relief he feels when he realizes she's okay. The puppy dog eyes he gives her. The way everyone else kicks him in the head or punches him to lift his spirits, but Orihime--she only has to use gentle words. The vow to protect, the rising up from the dead to keep that vow. Not even death could keep them apart. Orihime wanting to love Ichigo in every lifetime she lives, she would choose him every single time. And yet she never expected him to love her back--he just did. All on his own. He was pining for her, they were pining for each other. It was mutual long before they even knew it.

And I think Kubo did so well writing for the IchiHime relationship. It's got cute, heartfelt moments, angsty teenager moments, silly, comedic relief moments, and dramatic, life-or-death moments. You can see their development from one arc to the next, see the clear-cut changes and growth in their dynamic from beginning to end. They never stopped changing, and growing closer over time. Which created a nice, long slow-burn for me to sink my teeth into over the course of Bleach's 15 year run.

Anyway, here's some links of posts that explain different aspects that I love about this pairing:

I have an extremely long masterpost about IchiHime here, which mostly goes into detail about why I think it was obvious for canon, but it covers almost every single IH moment in detail and my love for the pairing and reasons for shipping it are pretty much woven into the fabric of this post lol.

The chemistry of IchiHime.

My top 3 favorite IchiHime moments.

Masterpost of moments where Ichigo and Orihime protect each other.

IchiHime implications of the lust arc.

Ichigo being teased about Orihime.

Ichigo's vow to protect Orihime.

Ichigo and Orihime's growing feelings for each other.

Orihime consistently being singled out to target Ichigo's heart.

Orihime loving Ichigo's kindness.

Ichigo being receptive to Orihime's feelings.

And these are some posts made by other people that I like:

A post about Ichigo's feelings for Orihime.

This one is an image post that basically combines almost every single IchiHime moment from the first to last chapter, as a visual reference.

A response my friend gave when asked the reasons that they ship IchiHime that I wholeheartedly agree with.

And another list of reasons.

I also just really love this post.

[skullytotheark]

Clear Skies 75

Setting: Different states of America

time setting: late 20th century, From 70s to 90s

Why I made it: Hehe creepypasta but oc au

Inspiration: 70s and 80s slasher mixed with creepypasta characters / creepypasta characters set in the 80s

goal: Possibly make an ARG series, But for now it’ll be in silly writing i do every now and then. Similar to creepy hornets

Description:

The Rot of the woods is slowly but surely making it’s way pass the treeline, The Horrible reality where monsters and things that go bump in the night are more common than you could ever imagine.. Deep in Montana and Colorado these nightmares hide within the woods, Awaiting for any lone hikers and the innocent to walk into their sight. For they hunt for sport and to survive…

Ever Since the start of the 70s, More and more of these creatures and psychopaths are beginning to crawl out from the bed to strike. Their goals and motives being a mystery to people like you and I… There’s only a burning ember of hope that there is good amongst the bad, But then again. who says they’re any better than those they fight??... Only god can save you from whatever is tapping at your window, The strange towering silhouette standing in the corner of your room or the sound of heavy footsteps heading straight for your bedroom door.

Welcome my dearest of friends and stalkers of the night!!!

Allow thy to introduce you to a World of many nightmares and terrors beyond your imaginations.

Clear Skies 75!

For a good while you've might've heard me just ramble or mention this AU in at least one or two of my posts, But Allow me to show you what I've been brewing for awhile!

For a good while I've been sitting in my little snowy room, Thinking of different scenarios and plotpoints involving these characters! Now personally I'm not ENTIRELY SURE, If I'll do as much "fanfics" or writing as much as I would do for Creepyhornets but You'll def probably see me write about this au Every now and then! I more or less really wanted to just, Have characters based off of some of the pastas or characters i've come to love growing up in this silly community!!

Introductions.

The Watchman.

"A Modern Tale for those who go wondering in these woods son. They say it's a Eldritch God of sorts or a "angry spirit"... Me?? I think it's a force of nature, Not something you can fight... But you'd have to adapt to.. trust me, I know..."

The great watchman! The Slenderman of this canon as you can tell and the main "big bad" of this canon, I more or less imagine that this entity is not your sterorypical slender that we're used to seeing in writings. Returning to the older versions such as the Operator and when Slender was simply a being of unknown nature and sudden movements...

"The Butcher"

"I had a run in with that fucking freak. Cackling and getting a kick out of my fear as he chased after me with a fucking machete.. One day he'll fucking learn what's it like when the roles change... One day..."

The Jeff The Killer stand in for this canon! More or less depicting him as a cruel but sloppy killer, Although he has a big reputation, He's a amature and a prime example of "human scum" in this canon. No goals or motives, doing it for the fun of it. Also im just thinking of naming him "Geoff" cuz it'd be a really funny bit imo

"The Pyromaniac"

"I remember when he was still young.. A cheerful little boy who still needed mommy to tie his shoe laces... But then things changed... He never got along with his stepdad... But then he went missing one day and.. I get a call that My husband was killed... Then I knew.. He wanted to get back at him for everything Frank had done to us... But it should have never ended like this.."

The Ticci Toby stand in for this universe!!!. Felix/Cody robinson is a child of abuse who is short tempered and rash, Often acting and thinking later. Although he's a valuable assest to The Watchman's following. Even though He hates it and wants to go home.

"Doll-Face"

"I still remember when "Bryan" took me up to that cabin... God I should've known I was just another lamb for the slaughter.. How did this end up like this Ma?..."

Doll-Face is of course the Masky inspired character! His story heavily follows the idea of "get away at the Cabin goes wrong and now all of my friends are trying to kill eachother" trope.

"Null"

"I'm alive... I shouldn't be but I am... After everything I've done.. I'll make things right this time... I'm so sorry Tommy.."

Null is a combination of both Hoody and Skully into one character! And is also the "Alex" of this scenario. Bryan's family was haunted by the watchman for generations, When he was older the entity began to pick away at his sanity and commanded a blood sacrifice for his family using 'it's children' for resources when building their cabin / property in the woods.

"The Stalker."

"I could've sworn, He was standing right at my bed when I was asleep. I don't know why but he was... He killed dad but... Why not me?... Was he... Taunting me?.."

And the final member of this cast [ATM] the Stalker! The eyeless Jack stand in for this series who draws heavy inspirtation from the og eyeless jack design. Atm I had the idea that he was a journalist in diguise pretending to be a demon of sorts who profits off of his crimes by taking photos of the aftermaths. Buttt I do also like the idea of him just being a demon. His story is still a WIP atm.

Until next time!

Sadly that is all the characters i have so far :(

But I do plan on making more characters such as Zalgo, Jane, Nina and a whole bunch more!! Ofc I plan on making a word doc for this au that'll have links to each of these characters butttt i gotta finish Stalker and "Geoff" before i do!

But until then keep an eye out on my tiktok *COUGH* Skullytotheark *COUGH* for a bunch of arrttt and wips of more characters!!!

See you all next time :)

[ot3]

are there any ace attorney games that aren’t worth playing?

finally after all these years i’m gonna get through AA3, and i’m wondering which ones to play (or not play) after i finish this trilogy!

I personally consider dual destinies and spirit of justice to be so unforgivably bad that I just straight up can not consider their events canon for the sake of enjoying the larger arc of the series. Not only do they completely butcher every pre established character they have to work with, almost none of the new ones are interesting, and the games just aren't funny or engaging at all.

Other than that, though, every other game is worth your time! The aa4 cast is a delight. Investigations 1 is pretty roughly paced and not super focused but I had more than enough fun just getting to fumble around as edgeworth, and it's got some real gems of character interaction. Investigations 2 is much much better structured overall. The dgs duology is a bit unnecessarily long but very well produced and once again excellent cast. If you find yourself wanting more phoenix and Maya antics after leaving the trilogy I couldn't more highly recommend the professor layton crossover game, which is one of my favorites in the entire franchise.

[chaoticly-shy-dragon]

so I am working - dragging my feet - through natla (1 episode left) and I thought I would share some of my thoughts and commentary:

Iroh: You must use your tact, your empathy-

Season 1 Zuko: [looks back at him]

*

Canon s1 ep3 Zuko: You... are working with Zhao. Willingly.

Show s1 ep3 Zuko: Yes? What's the problem? He is annoying but that's mostly it.

Canon!Zuko: UNCLE! DID YOU PUT SPIRIT MUSHROOMS IN MY TEA AGAIN?! I'M HAVING LUCID NIGHTMARES!!

Other random thoughts:

[Suki proceeds to defy gravity with her fan to impress Sokka]

Me, exasperation incarnate: Suki, I didn't know you were an airbender!

and

[Previous incarnation avatar bashing sesh]

Me: [...] But I love Zuko-Iroh interactions

[The one scene. Zuko is shouting how they can't just ask around. Iroh is offering advice until he gets distracted by street food.]

Me: The fact Zuko stood there for a few seconds trying to figure what this proverb means before he realizes its very much not a proverb - cackling

Second-hand long-suffering friend, who is at the end of her wits after hearing me talk about the butchering of Kyoshi's character for 20 minutes: XDDDD He legit thought rice had sth to do with it XD

there is more but it's more of

Oh no, he is hot.

And oh no he is also hot

Why is every extremist hot?!

Bumi is very bitter. Very.... Jaded.

Aang has no situational awareness: He did not just ask Zhao (Zuko too) to let him go so he can go save other enemies of the Fire Nation. He didn't.

Also. Why the firebender this, firebender that. Are the Fire Nation non-benders saints or something??

Mai casually says Ozai sucks for not thinking Azula is perfect <- Me: I mean she is absolutely right but she would not say that.

Azula's whole. Thing. I felt the narrative was trying very desperately to make her seem competent and clever but the fact that Iroh's thoughts insinuated the frontal attack on the Northern Water Tribe was her idea left me in stitches

But yeah. They nerfed Azula

Zuko - feral, bloodthirsty, a loser. <- Me: Oh my god they captured his essence! Minus the honor thing!

ZUKO NOT SAYING HONOR

THE TRAVESTY OF SOKKA NOT WEARING A DRESS

I WANT SOKKA IN KYOSHI WARRIOR UNIFORM

Katara not having any emotions ::: Aang walks all over her saying he can't support her in her fight against the patriarchy that is actually just Pakku and Yugoda or whatever was happening in the 7th episode: Katara doesn't blow up at him. Sokka calling her a little girl and never actually apologizing about the whole Jet accusation especially when he did the same with the Mechanist. : Katara doesn't blow up at him

Me: sounds fake but okay

At this point when Toph comes along Katara will let her not be a part of the Team (no Gaang just Team Avatar) and not contribute and not bond and NO FOUND FAMILY TROPE

Aang teaching Katara waterbending, Aang not goofing off, No Kataraang (not even a smidge) - something in me shriveled up and died.

Why is Azula soft??????

And why is Ty Lee assertive and forthcoming??? Just?? Why????

And finally, my second favorite:

Azula, trying very hard not to mention Zuko's ludicrous tenacity: Commander Zhao is a great asset... Maybe he needs better resources to showcase his true potential.

Zhao who barely passed his exams according to Jee the gossip queen: Yes, I do need the best resources. Give me all the 'sources.

[incorrectbatfam]

Got any Carrie Kelly headcanons? She is such an underrated Robin

For those of you who are new here, Carrie Kelley is technically the third Robin after Jason. She's had a couple of cameos across different universes (like as Damian's acting teacher), but the majority of her appearances are confined to Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Returns where she is a 13-year-old girl who takes up the Robin mantle herself after an aging Bruce returns to the vigilante scene. Her canon sucks, but since I'm out here butchering the batfam anyway, I might as well revamp her characterization.

In regards to her place in the batfam, I think 13-14 is a good age for her because it helps fill in the gap between Tim/Duke and Damian, plus it adds balance because the rest of the girls skew older and it gives her more room for growth. Also 13 is prime Chaotic Weird Girl age and Carrie would absolutely be one

And I know she was briefly Batgirl in canon but can we also revamp that? There's a Batgirl void that she can totally fill but canon is like unseasoned boiled brussels sprouts. In my mind she's Batgirl but with a better costume, different mindset, and keeps her fun and distinct firecracker slingshot

Every time she goes shopping with Alfred, she comes back with another candlestick. She's up to ten now and they're all sitting in her room, fire hazards waiting to happen

She volunteers to help with the kindergarten and she's really good with kids... when she's not acting like one herself. She comes home after the first day with finger paint all over her face

A carjacker tries to break into the Batmobile and she just walks up to them like "Excuse me that's not yours"

She always keeps the dictionary up on her phone in the unlikely event she needs to prove to someone that contranyms are thing

She knows exactly what certain words mean, but pretends she doesn't and uses them wrong in the family groupchat because she knows Bruce will ask, which forces the other batkids to not only explain what a malewife is, but also correct Carrie by demonstrating how to use it correctly

She remembers every Taylor Swift song by heart and she's not ashamed

"Any pool is a public pool if you have the initiative," she says before selling wristbands for Bruce's pool

She gets the pets their own phones so she and Damian can text them throughout the day

She asks Bruce before taking any money, but the way she frames it is weird. For example, she'll ask him for a hundred bucks to buy some video games because that's the market price only to get them for $20 at a garage sale and spend the rest at on a really expensive burger

She's one of the privileged few to come across a person buying 300 watermelons in real life

Her invitations to hang out are like "Wanna come over? We can watch a movie or clean the Batcave, whatever works"

Damian is the "don't eat meat" type of environmentalist, but Carrie is the "I'll spam you with sad turtle pictures so you'll recycle plastic" type of environmentalist

She stocks up on Teen Spirit deodorant so she can say she smells like Teen Spirit

Her makeup skills are... not good. Jason mistook her for a Joker sidekick

She also snuck into Jason's phone and hid one of his Robin pics in his profile

She clips her nails during Bruce's briefings

Carrie and Duke go to the bookstore and see who can find the most Written By A Male Author book

She drinks water with a dash of olive oil

At galas she wears suit tops with skirts and light-up Sketchers

Carrie also doesn't care too much about gender or pronouns. She has a "she/they" pin on her backpack, but that's only 'cause she found it on a bathroom floor and liked the color

Her favorite nap spot is Bruce's favorite chair. It's a huge plush armchair and she's small enough to pass off as a cushion, so Bruce always has to double-check before sitting down

Carrie can read cues in other relationships, but not her own. After Kon offers to refill Tim's drink she's like "ooh he likes you" but when a kid at school gives her flowers on Valentine's day she's like "I think they were just being friendly"

She's the only Robin not to have dentists ask about broken or missing teeth

At a sleepover, she and a few other kids catfished someone on Hinge using a terrible teacher's picture

Her drawing skills are pretty good (not Damian level though) and one time when Dick was sad she drew him as the Dreamworks crescent moon kid

She's friends with the old lady that shops at Trader Joe's the same time she does every week

She puts all her phone calls on speaker. ALL. OF. THEM

She goes to Canada on a short mission and promises to bring back souvenirs. She brings bagged milk

[meirimerens]

i'm very sorry to say this, but meiri, you are a foul woman for making me (a lonely lesbian) lust for a gender bent version of a canonically male character.....keep going 👍

in a more just world there would be no more male characters and the female characters would be as diverse as them. in a just world a female character would be a 197cm tall bald lying secretive corpse-desecrator who would attack her childhood friend and almost-adopted-sister on sight, spitting in her face that it was she who slept by their mentor's feet like a dog. in a just world a female character would be a vaguely futchy¹ bipolar alcoholic who tries to self-immolate in front of you, participated in a colleague's murder with her sister (or did she?), delirious from guilt, illness and drink (and it NOT being the "sexualized crazywoman" trope. because she'd be worse), whose sister would be protective of her like a rabid dog. in a just world a female character could be a brown-eyed brunette in a tacky snakeskin coat, arrogant, haughty until circumstances beyond her comprehension break her spirit, able and willing to tell someone that if they're that much of a pussy about killing themself she'll fucking help. in a just world a female character could be butcher [as in the cutter of meat.], daughter of butcher, feared for her perceived violence but not more wicked than any other, collecting organs and keeping them in her little pouch.

but it is not a just world. so fine. (rolls up sleeves) i'll do it myself.

¹ the butch-femme scale is not real and therefore "futch" or "futchy" isn't either. however that is a really funny word for a joke

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, Season 3, Episode 13- Dear Emily and Richard-Part 3

I love Emily's 1983 hair.

Earlier in the episode, Lorelai implies the first flashback is taking place sometime before Christmas, but it’s unclear to me if the second flashback took place around the same time or after the holidays. Lorelai has already put on pregnancy weight and she looks like she suspects she might be pregnant, but it’s not really said outwardly. Canonically, Rory was born in early October so Lorelai should have played Hide The Frozen Pickle With Crusty around New Years, give or take. The conception timeline could be slightly wonky in this episode, but golly, the spirit is there.

I like how they slapped one single Duran Duran poster on Lorelai's bedroom door so you know this takes place in 83.

Because Lorelai and Crusty did the Devil's Cha Cha and Lorelai can't zip up her once form fitting dress for the upcoming Debutante Ball (it really, really looks like a wedding dress), Emily thinks it's because her dressmaker screwed up so she leaves to go all Early 80's Karen on her ass.

Whoa! Luke without a hat! A rarely used square on my Episode Bingo Board! Yahoo! Bless the hair stylists on this show. There were so many truly valiant attempts to hide Scott Patterson's hair loss. Also: Tomatos sign. And why is Luke so naked and hatless? He has a hot date with a boring lawyer, of course. He's going to take her to some nice place with tablecloths and napkins. The stages of Lorelai Meeting Nicole for the first time:

There's a lady walking in! You're going on a date with that lady! Nice to meet you, Lady. The lady has a cellphone?! She's a lawyer?! A lawyer lady with a cellphone?! You're dating a lawyer lady with a cellphone!

"Make as many phone calls as you want (on our first date)"? Luke, are you in there? Lawyer lady with a phone (LLWAP) has him shooketh. Lorelai when they're out of sight:

Oh, Ms GIlmore is NOT happy. Let's unpack what Lorelai's butcher counter of beefs with this woman who she just met and exchanged four words with might be. As dull and Waspy as Nicole is, she was perfectly pleasant. Lemme guess: Lorelai a) does not like that Nicole has a high paying job b) thinks Luke should only date within his own social strata c) she has a phone which she uses to make important business calls outside of office hours which makes her a Stinky Rich Person. d). The Gilmore Girls do not share their toys. Even when they're not actively playing with them. Ding ding ding! There's your million dollar answer.

I can't decide which thing currently happening is the most insane. A grown adult demanding that a high schooler rush to a hospital after school to accompany her father's girlfriend in labor, or the fact that Rory SAID YES. SHE SAID YES I'LL LEAVE SCHOOL AND BUY A TRAIN TICKET AND GO TO THE HOSPITAL IN BOSTON BECAUSE SHE IS A SPINELESS JELLYFISH. To add one extra layer of ridiculousness to the Insanity Jello Salad: While Sherry was the one to invite Rory to the gals party at the hospital for the planned c-section, it was actually her random coworker Maureen that called Rory after Sherry went into labor ahead of schedule, a Maureen that Rory has never met who demanded Rory show up and RORY AGREED AND BOARDED A TRAIN TO BOSTON. The same Rory who moments ago shrugged and flatly referred to the impending bundle of joy as her “sort of a sister”, and she's not doing this because she cares about Creepy Sherry, and there’s nothing in it for Rory, so why did she do this? It's Rory's constant companion, Pathological People Pleasing. I can't throw Lorelai under the train here, because Rory did this behind her back and Lorelai's obviously too pre occupied with Hatless Luke and Lawyer Lady With a Phone at the moment to know Rory’s whereabouts. You know Rory, you could have walked away from the train to Boston and instead taken advantage of both Luke and Lorelai's absence to go swap some spit unsupervised with Jess instead of agreeing to this crazy crap. Idiot.

Is that a poster for condoms in the background?

Turns out none of Sherry's coworkers besides Maureen actually showed up because they were all too busy Working and had already banked their PTO days for Sherry's c section, so tough noogies, Sherry! Thank God Rory is here, because childbirth is putting her father's girlfriend into a state of mental anguish and only her clueless 18 year old stepdaughter can save the day.

Maureen? Oh Maureen can't do it. Back to workies! She's a real stand up gal. *long pause* Um. Where the fuck is Christopher?

OH, HOW CONVENIEEEEENT.

Sherry is in the midst of a sobbing meltdown over the absence of everyone she knows, including Wandering Crusty, and I can't blame Rory for being totally useless, because what the heck can she do or say? But girl... you really gotta learn to say no to people. Sherry grabs onto Rory's arm like a python. Rory remarks "Gee, you're looking thin." End scene. This is totaly wackadoodle city. Yeehaw! Sure, it seems as if Lorelai never discusses sexual responsibility with Rory, but after this experience, I hope something sinks in for Rory.

[jilljoycearts]

✨Star Summer Night - Masquerade Ball 🎆

Greetings, Enderal Fandom,

I have some exciting news to share with you all! The Star Summer Night celebration is fast approaching, and it would be delightful if you would join me on June 1st! 🎇

Although canonically this holiday is celebrated on the first day of spring - according to the Butcher of Ark books, we are choosing to be fashionably late this year - and our good friend Nico approves. He has even kindly provided us with a list of animal costumes that the canon characters would wear for the masquerade🦁

By the way, I will include the text of both letters under the cut below.

So, whether you are an artist, a writer, or simply someone who loves Enderal, we would be thrilled to see what you can come up with. You can share your work on social media using the hashtag #EnderalStarSummerNight.

Can’t wait to see all the fantastic things you create and to share in the excitement of this amazing event together 🎭

Text of the letters from the image:

“Dear Esteemed Guest, You are cordially invited to attend a grandiose celebration of the Star Summer Night, a masquerade ball of utmost elegance and grandeur. This enchanting event will be held at the renowned Ark Theatre on the first day of the summer, commencing at the dusk hour and extending until the wee hours of the morn. The theme of the event is as unique as it is fantastical; we humbly request that you grace us with your presence dressed as the animal of your choosing. Allow your imagination to soar and your spirit to take flight, as we honor the arrival of summer under the light of the stars. With great anticipation, we eagerly await your arrival. Sincerely, The Organizers of the Star Summer Night Masquerade Ball.”

And the second one, which is an addition:

“Esteemed Guest, It is with great pleasure that we anticipate your presence at the Star Summer Night Masquerade Ball. We write to inform you that several individuals, whom you may be acquainted with, have already confirmed their attendance and selected their attire for the evening's festivities: Jespar Dal’Varek — Wolverine, Calia Sakaresh — Red Fox, Tharael Narys — Panther / Hyena, Dijaam Onelys — Scorpion, Lishari Peghast — Cat, Lexil Merrayil — Otter, Yuslan Sha’Rim — Moray Eel, Konstantin Firespark — Grumpy Old Hippo, Tealor Arantheal — Lion, Natara Dal’Veram — Lioness Esme — Albatross, Ryneus — Butterfly, The Father — Immortal Jellyfish We trust that this information will be of interest to you, and we eagerly anticipate your own unique representation at this enchanted gathering. Warm Regards, The Organizers of the Star Summer Night Masquerade Ball.”

[ninjastormhawkkat]

A Different Kind of Wordgirl Au - Continued

-Two Brains does take care of her medical needs. He goes somewhat easier on her without making it look suspicious to others. Dr. Two Brains wishes he could give hero advice, but thanks to mouse brain, he has forgotten what he put in his book most of the time. The relationship between Becky and Two Brains in this au is a bit strained at times due to circumstances, but Two Brains still loves his child dearly and tries to make up his villainy by being the best father he can be to Becky. -Becky is more stressed than her canon counterpart with heroics and has difficulty balancing out parts of her civilian life with her hero life from time to time. She does have a support system with her friends unlike her canon self as well as her dad from time to time. -Becky's relationship with the villains is almost like canon. She doesn't particularly like them at first because she feels bad at how easily she can be tricked by them from time to time. Some of the villains like the Butcher notice Wordgirl struggling a bit at times and try to give her a boost out of sympathy or a an ear to listen to vent out her frustrations. It takes a while for Becky to start forming close bonds with the villains like in canon. They do treat Becky better than most of the citizens in the city. -Amazo Guy's disappearance rocked Fair City and had people in a frenzy. When Wordgirl came along, people were relieved to have a new hero to save them despite the age. But most of the citizens began to notice Wordgirl's mistakes and there were those that began to criticize her early on. They expected her to be a professional hero, otherwise why would she be doing this gig at all. Scoops and Violet do their best to help boost Wordgirl's public image. Besides the villains, the Botsfords are 100% both on Becky's and Wordgirl's side. TJ still has his international Wordgirl fan club which helps to give Becky motivation and lift her spirits. People change their views of Wordgirl overtime, but there are others that are still jerks. -Rex still looks up to Becky as a big sister and hero mentor despite her having no powers like he does. Wordgirl becomes a bit jealous of the fact at first, but overcomes it and bonds with Kid Math in the end. -Dr. Two Brains is not the number one villain in this au, that goes to Rhyme and Reason. There introduction episode is combined with the Violet Superhero one. Violet and Becky do get into an argument and break off being friends but for completely different reasons instead of canon. -Miss Power episode and the Mousebrain Takeover - angst city people.

[deathbydarkelves]

Do you have headcannons for night elf weddings??? There's a little canon for them, but it seems very Normal, and doesn't really seem to take advantage of what makes night elves a unique culture? Like, I imagine them more akin to traditional Buddhist weddings tbh. But, yeah, got off track. Would love wedding headcannons for night elves, or any other races too!

I’m glad I read this while I was at work, because as a result of not being able to respond right away, I had time to think it over and thus solidified a lot of the vague ideas I had :)

And yeah I completely ignore the canon one we got because it’s lame and boring <3

The whole thing is initiated with a hunt...

Technically anyone may join the hunt, but usually it’s just the betrotheds. And since polyamory is so common, that means the hunting party ranges anywhere from two people to A Lot of People.

But first, a priestess communes with Elune and requests permission for the hunt and by extension the wedding as a whole. If she permits it (she almost always does), a druid then enters a trance which may last up to a few hours to determine what animal the gods and other powers want hunted. It can be just about anything, as long as it gives the betrotheds a challenge and forces them to prove their ability to work as one. Deer, wolves, bears, sabers, hippogryphs, owlbears… smaller things too, like otters, pheasants, and quail. Not only do they have to kill the animal, but they have to find the specific individual the druid saw. So even if you’re “only” hunting a humble pheasant, you still need sharp eyes to make sure it’s the one you need, sharp ears to hear it in the undergrowth, and quick reflexes to claim it. So, while a hippogryph is certainly much more physically impressive, no animal is really seen as greater or lesser than another.

There are certain associations made with different animals, naturally. Something as dangerous as a bear is often seen as the gods either challenging what they believe to be a very capable pair/group... or a very incapable pair/group. Either way, taking that bear is a feat.

The standout exceptions are owls and chimeras. To be tasked with hunting an owl, a creature so closely tied to Elune, is considered one of the highest possible honors anyone can receive. And as for chimeras, well… marriages initiated with the hunting of a chimera are really only spoken of in legend. Or in crowded bars, by drunk patrons, who totally have a sister who hunted a chimera for her wedding.

The length of the hunt depends entirely on luck and the ability of the betrotheds, but it’s basically expected for you to practice hunting together after deciding you want to marry. Most hunts take a couple days to a week, but some stretch for months (either due to the animal's secrecy, or because... the betrotheds should have practiced a bit more). Once the animal has been claimed, the wedding truly begins. Death is part of the cycle of life, thus the animal’s death ushers in the next part of the betrotheds’ lives. The animal is butchered, with part (a stag’s antlers, a quail’s flight feathers, etc.) being set aside as an offering for the gods and ancestors. Then it’s cooked, and the next part of the wedding — the feast — begins.

The feast lasts eight days and seven nights, with food and alcohol provided by all the attendees. There may be other recreational substances too, depending on how rowdy everyone wants to get lol. Gifts are given during this time as well.

After the feast, at dusk on the eighth day, is the ceremony proper. It starts with the betrotheds giving thanks to their ancestors, the gods, and spirits. Incense is burned, shrines built and honored, and the offering saved from the hunted animal is given as well.

If the betrotheds have children in mind, they'll pay special attention to Goldrinn in hopes of pleasing him and preventing him from cursing their children with thor'drinn.

Then the betrotheds give their vows, and receive tattoos (usually on the upper chest) symbolizing their connection to each other.

I designed some quick, simple ones a while ago to get the idea across, but people will spend years deciding on a design. The only stipulation is that every other person in the marriage is represented by a solid circle, while the bearer of the tattoo is represented by a hollow circle. The solid circles hold a piece of each person’s spirit, and the hollow circle is where the bearer’s spirit can pass through to reach the others. These things can get really complicated. They can also be extremely individualized — not everyone in a polycule has to like everyone else, after all, so each person’s might have a totally different number of circles, etc. (They can also be added to or reduced over time. Magic makes tattoo modification a lot easier lol)

Many people’s tattoos incorporate something related to the animal that gave its life for their marriage, as well. It’s typical to leave a space in your design just for that. But, ah… I drew these before I decided on the hunting thing lol (granted, the second one does resemble a stag's antlers somewhat, so there ya go!)

After being tattooed, the newlyweds then bathe in a moonwell together, or at bare minimum in blessed water. This is to clean their tattoos, speed up healing, and serves to wash away the remnants of their past, unwed life.

And that’s where things officially end. It’s, um… widely understood you don’t bother the newlyweds after this point :P

((Moonwells are magic and self-cleaning and this is just an accepted role of them, alright, it’s fine. Not everyone does that, but... generally speaking, people are gonna do what people are gonna do.))

EDIT: I haven't thought much about other races' weddings, but I can tell you the hunt initiating things is a holdover from dark troll traditions, and many modern troll weddings start with a hunt as well :) Tauren do a similar thing, though they conclude the wedding with a hunt (and subsequently a feast) instead.

EDIT 2: My friend brought up a good point. What if the betrotheds are, for one reason or another, unable to hunt the animal themselves? In that case, many get help from trained hunting animals capable of taking the prey they've been tasked with. A fox for a quail, a saber for a deer, etc. Otherwise, they may invite capable friends or family members on the hunt.

[wouldntyou-liketoknow]

My EgoPats Meeting the Canon EgoPats

I saw @insane4fandoms post their thoughts on how the EgoPats would each react when Ness came along as the new kid in the fandom. So, I guess you could say I got inspired. Here's a list of each official EgoPat and each of my fanmade blorbo's (Caliban, Patty, Penn, Ozzie, and LeviathanPat's) thoughts on them.

(I've made a bunch of incorrect quotes to reflect these ideas! Go here if you'd like to see them!)

___

Ness

It'd make a lot of sense for my boys to meet Ness via simply eating at Sparky's. After all, they each need to travel sometimes for their work: Patty's gone on many tours and counting with Delux and the rest of his coworkers at the club, Penn goes on an excavation trip with his team or Illinois at least once a month, Ozzie's learned to cover long distances in short times with all the prison-escapes he's pulled off, Caliban has visited several states numerous times in order to complete a hit-job (whether he's managing it himself or is accompanying Murdock, Azalea or any other members of The Pentas Family). . .

In any case, a roadtrip is fundamentally incomplete without pausing to visit a cozy-looking diner. And it's pretty obvious that my fanegos would all enjoy the fun, uplifting vibes that Ness gives off.

Caliban would find Ness' energy to be refreshing. Since he spends a generous amount of time butchering/preparing his own "food," he knows how to appreciate all the things restaurant workers do. (Plus, I can absolutely see him offering some sly, semi-well-hidden puns in response to the typical jokes Ness likes to make with most customers.) And since the Black Market stuff Caliban is involved with makes such a pretty penny, you just know he leaves some quality tips.

Penn would like Ness' spirit. I know I haven't gone too in-depth with his backstory, but I think waiting tables was one of the many odd-jobs Penn worked while he was still studying for his paleontology/archeology degree. And it's safe to say that he probably didn't enjoy it as much as Ness seems to enjoy his job. So, Penn would respect him for taking such a stressful job in stride. He'd also give excellent tips! He would even if he didn't make a lot of money from his fossil-related projects.

Despite the persona he puts on while dancing, Patty is the type of person who gets nervous whenever he has to order something (I would know, I'm the same way). That being said, he'd really appreciate how kind and cheerful Ness is. The lighthearted banter Ness brings to the table would put Patty at ease. Yep, he'd give some above average tips as well.

Ozzie didn't have very many good experiences with restaurants when he first started out. That hasn't exactly changed nowadays, so you better believe that he knows to be grateful when he finds a joint where the owners/staff don't automatically seem judgemental or suspicious of him. Hell, he'd even take a generous amount of money from his personal stash to leave as the tip. (I think I'm just trying to say that my boys know how to treat retail/food workers.)

___

The Detective

Because I guess I'm predictable—it'd be impossible for the classic Hannibal Lecter And Will Graham schtick to not fall between Caliban and The Detective. (Of course, Caliban isn't nearly as arrogant as Hannibal, and The Detective most likely wouldn't slip into a corruption arc similar to Will's, but you get the idea.) I can see it now: The Detective putting on a pokerface whenever in Caliban's presence, speaking in a clipped tone, trying to keep an eye on Caliban every minute until they part ways. . .Meanwhile, Caliban would be all-too-happy to try and make The Detective question himself, casually recounting the hit-jobs he's worked on with Murdock, making morbid jokes left, right, and center, occasionally using his experience to offer some surprisingly sound advice for one of The Detective's cases. . .

At first, Ozzie would be very much iffy about interacting with The Detective. Sure, his crimes are merely petty ones (in a relative sense), but he's still mistrusting of anyone who works in law-related fields. Fortunately, my personal headcanon is that The Detective is more of a private consultant who doesn't work with cops unless he absolutely has to, so once Ozzie learns that, he might try to engage with him just a teensy bit. For all the stunts he's pulled, Ozzie has always made a point to never, NEVER hide out at a circus. That'd just be inviting some horror-movie-level shenanigans that he neither needs nor wants to deal with. So, it's safe to say that he'd be pretty sympathetic with The Detective's clown-induced trauma.

Patty would have sort of the same outlook. Considering how exotic work can sometimes be on the grittier side, he's had to talk to a fair amount of authorities. And, as I'm sure you can guess, not all of those authorities were too respectful towards him. But The Detective is nothing like those worse examples, and once Patty saw that, he'd be happy to get to know him. Still somewhat shy, but that's just how Patty is with most people outside of the club.

Penn would be fascinated by all of The Detective's stories (granted, he'd feel awful about the terror The Detective had to go through, but still). Considering he's used to only seeing obscure, somewhat magical/cursed stuff whenever he's working with Illinois, Penn would likely call up the aforementioned adventurer and tell him about what he heard from The Detective. Y'know, to see if Illinois has ever discovered anything similar.

LeviathanPat would mostly see The Detective as just another mortal to toy with. I say mostly, because he could still sense all the supernatural juju clinging to The Detective's mind thanks to his past. And he'd just delight in trying to break that mind into a thousand little pieces. . .good thing The Detective already has experience dealing with crimes against nature, at least. . .

___

Mack

Oh damn. Caliban would have So. Much. FUN picking on Mack. Making vague little threats, lurking around corners, fidgeting with his meat cleaver in plain view. . .it'd get to the point where Caliban would just have to flash a sly, sharp-toothed grin in order to send Mack running the other way. That being said, Caliban wouldn't go out of his way to fully harm Mack; remember, while he is insane, he's still logical enough to not want to butcher someone who looks almost exactly like him. But he'd see all his scare tactics as a way to teach Mack some manners. There's always a bigger fish, after all.

I feel like Penn and Mack would have an interesting dynamic. Thank to his career in paleontology, Penn's already seen a generous amount of strange/unique creatures (or, what's left of them, that is). Meanwhile, despite his primary role on the Invincible II, it's very likely that Mack would end up researching or interacting with various alien lifeforms. So, yeah, those two could potentially have some fun comparing notes. Then again, we know Mack's general attitude, and Penn is the type to not have much patience for stuff like that. "Okay, well, this isn't going anywhere. I'll come back if you decide to stop being a prick for a few minutes."

Same goes for Patty's case with Mack. Now, my dear poledancer girlypop is very much empathetic, and he's always trying to be open-minded. Everyone's lives are different, right? Everyone's dealing with all sorts of things, which can obviously influence behavior in various ways. And while it wouldn't take Patty very long to realize how Mack's egotistical mean-streak is likely the result of something deeper (my personal headcanon is that Mack has some serious self-esteem issues and might think that acting the way he does is just another defense mechanism), that doesn't mean he's just gonna let himself be talked down to. (And perhaps Mack could be just a smidge dazzled by Patty, since I think that would be hilarious to see. Plus, I mean, come on. Have you SEEN Patty? If he's not a nice little dazzling boy then I don't know what is.)

Ozzie's opinion also wouldn't be too high. Back when he was still living on the streets, having to dodge cars and pick pockets in order to survive, he'd lost count of all the people who would scoff and look down their noses as they passed him by. Well, Mack reminds Ozzie of those people, so he won't hesitate to call him out (and mock him right back) whenever he's being annoying.

___

The Hermit

Caliban and The Hermit would trade recipes. Because of course they would. In fact, Caliban would probably see meeting The Hermit as a weird-yet-lucky coincidence. Another cannibal to interact with, plus not having to worry about extra competition in the underground business? Awesome! And, on a more wholesome note: The Hermit would be all about giving Snare all the pets and treats he deserves. Caliban, meanwhile, would be intrigued by The Hermit's pet bats.

Due to all the fossil-digging stuff, it'd be difficult for Penn to not be an outdoorsman. Therefore, he'd be very impressed by The Hermit's tales of surviving in the wild. He'd be concerned at first, but then would swiftly realize just how much of a tough cookie The Hermit truly is.

Ozzie would be in a similar boat. He's had to camp out in the woods a few times while running away from cops, but he knows he couldn't handle that as long as The Hermit apparently has. So, he'd have some serious respect for the scrungly feral man.

Patty's relationship with The Hermit would be much more on the random side, but still very wholesome. Why? Well, if The Hermit happened to see Patty practicing his dance routines, he'd probably applaud and go, "Wowie! I've climbed a lotta trees, but I don't think I could pull off all those spinnin' tricks!" (Keep in mind that this would be completely innocent. Nothing more.) Patty, of course, would be flattered by the compliment. What's more, he'd find The Hermit's comment about tree-climbing adorable.

___

MadPat

Most of my EgoPats would have similar reactions to MadPat: "Nope." "Don't engage." "Avoid eye-contact."

. . .Well, except for Caliban. Because, despite the two of them being killers, Caliban wouldn't be very impressed by Mad. From his perspective, Mad's methods are sloppy (and he's got a point. Seasoned Random Encounters fans have seen how much evidence Mad left in/around the pizzeria). And for another thing, Mad is just kinda irresponsible? Like, yeah, Caliban can see the appeal of arson, but he's met other arsonists who didn't accidentally burn themselves like slices of toast. It would get to a point where Caliban would just be irritated by Mad's antics.

LeviathanPat would also have an. . .odd view of Mad. Primarliy due to how brazen he is. Like, I haven't gone super in-depth with Leviathan's lore, but he definitely had a hand in crafting insanity as a concept. Leviathan breathes surreal dread. He's eaten the odd star or two back in the day (as in, pre-pre B.C.) His shape is almost constantly shifting because just one glance at what he truly looks like would launch enough trauma to make your brain grind itself into a paste! And for a mortal like Mad to just. . .not. Be. Afraid of him? To try and make unhinged smalltalk with him? To be calm and even excited while looking at all the nightmare-fuel that LeviathanPat is literally made out of?! One part of LeviathanPat just might (and that's a colossal might) be impressed by Mad's apparent fortitude. Another part would end up being annoyed by Mad, probably likening him to a mosquito. (Sneaking this in because @insane4fandoms put a particular little gem into a recent doodle page with some of my bois. Thanks so much, friendo).

___

WarfPat

Most of my boys would instinctually know to not get too close to Warf. Even Caliban feels the need to walk on eggshells around him. (Sure, he's had to deal with the insanity of others; and like I said before, he has some insanity himself. But Warf is in a completely different ballpark, so. . .yeah.)

The reason I barely mentioned LevianthanPat with any of the previous egos is because he'd see them as a handful of more hopeless little mortals to try his luck with luring closer to the next window he chooses to lurk behind. . .except for WarfPat, that is. Even though he'd deny it, I think LeviathanPat would be ever-so-slightly intrigued by him. That guy's got the mind-breaking stuff that eldritch abominations specialize in, after all. Therefore, the outer monstrosity would be curious; perhaps he'd even settle for just chatting with Warf rather than trying to trick him.

___

@sammys-magical-au @b-is-in-the-closet