#but. those are considered the essentials to break up my brain so

[readingwriter92]

It’s the most fun weekend of work time!!

Starting off well with 10 things on my to do list.

First up- coding

[thetriumphantpanda]

I’m begging and on my knees🧎‍♀️ drunk make-up sex with Javier Peña with a dash of angst please

Have a nice day!

Anon, I see you on your knees. You can get up now because here you go! Thank you so much for sending this in, I hope you love it!

Pairing | Javier Peña x F!Reader

Word Count| 1.8k

Warnings | Explicit, 18+ Minors DNI. Not many warnings for this one apart from alcohol consumption, a dash of angst, Javi begging for forgiveness on his knees (Translation, oral sex (f) receiving) and unprotected PiV sex.

Part of my 1k Smut Sensation Celebration - if you want in, check here for details - I’m accepting requests through July 15th.

The empty bottle of wine on the coffee table is taunting you, just like the unopened second bottle of wine in your fridge is taunting you as well. The phone in the entryway is also doing a pretty good job of taunting you, begging you pick it up, dial his number and apologise, even though this had been all his fault. You sigh, pushing yourself up from the couch to go and retrieve the second bottle of wine from the fridge. Maybe another glass or two would be enough to knock you out so you didn’t feel the need to pick up the phone. 

You’re pouring the white liquid into your glass when there’s a soft knock at your door. For a moment, you consider ignoring it, thinking it’s probably only going to be your neighbour, knocking on your door for the third time this week because he’d forgotten an essential ingredient for dinner or wanted to complain about where you’d parked your car. You were likely to explode at him, so you take a large sip of the wine, wincing as it burns down your throat, your own fault for picking the cheapest option you could find, and take the glass and the new bottle to the couch. 

There’s another knock at the door, this time more insistent. You grumble, all you want is be left alone to wallow in your self-pity, so curse whoever this was that wouldn’t let you do that. In hindsight, you should have looked through the peephole in your door to check who it was that was disturbing you, but instead, you yank it open with a frustrated ‘what?!’ to be met with none other than Javier Peña. 

He's taken back by the venom in your words, swaying slightly as he steps back with his hands raised in surrender like he’s scared you might strangle him. It takes your alcohol-fogged brain a few seconds to realise he’s just as drunk as you are.

“Are you drunk?!” You exclaim, voice louder than intended because of the wine coursing through your veins. 

“Might be,” He shrugs, a lot calmer than you are when you’ve had a drink, “Think you might be as well.” He’s peering into your apartment, pointing a finger at the two bottles of wine on the table. 

“Jesus Christ,” You mumble, leaning forward to grab the collar of his leather jacket to drag him into your home, “Get in here before I get a noise complaint.” 

“Never worried much about those before, hermosa.” He grins as you shut the door behind him. 

“Shut up and sit down,” You demand, pointing to the couch, “What the hell are you even doing here?” 

This is when his exterior changes. Gone is that bravado and confidence you’re used to, that attracted you to him in the first place, replaced with aa nervous energy and a shifting in his seat. He leans over, picks up your wine glass and takes a hefty drink of it. 

“I miss you.” Is all he says. 

“Miss me?” You scoff, folding your arms over your chest, “You’re the one who left, Javier.”

“I did it to keep you safe.” He mutters. 

“Safe?” You ask, “Nothing about this fucking place is safe, Javier, you leaving probably did the opposite.” 

“I wasn’t talking about Colombia, querida,” He sighs, “I was talking about me.” 

You’re stunned into silence for a moment. If there was one thing you knew about Javier Peña, it was that this man in front of you, though capable of hurting most people, would never lay a finger on you. He’d never hurt you, apart from breaking your heart two weeks ago when he left without a word and didn’t bother calling. 

“I don’t…” You start, not being able to find the right words through the brain fog, “I don’t understand.” 

He’s standing now, walking slowly towards you to test the water as he speaks, “I’m not good at this,” He begins, “I’m not good at falling, I know I can’t be the man that you want me to be, the man I know you see when you look at me with your beautiful eyes,” He’s so close to you now, palm of his hand cupping your cheek, “I was only ever going to break your heart, hermosa, I just did it before it was too late.” 

“Then why are you here, Javi?” Your voice falters, head tilting into the warmth of his hand.��

“Because I can’t stay away,” He murmurs, “I want to be that man for you, I want to be better, I want to give you everything, to make you happy, God I want to try,” His face is inches from yours, you can feel hiss breath fanning across your cheeks, “Will you let me?” 

You don’t answer, instead, you push yourself up onto your tiptoes, wrap your arms around his neck and catch his lips with yours. He moves forward, pressing the breadth of his body against yours, one arm wrapping around your back to pull you even closer to him. You run your tongue along his plump bottom lip and groan when his mouth opens for you. It’s messy and it’s desperate and you’re both trying to drink each other in as much as possible. You because you’re scared he might pull away and leave again. Javi because he’s worried you’ll come to your senses and kick him out, just like he deserves. 

You taste the multitude of whiskey on his tongue, mixing with the taste of smoke from his cigarettes. It’s a heady mix and you’d missed it. You’re whining when he pulls away from you, trying to drag his face back to yours because you don’t think you ever want to be without his lips on yours again, but he’s dropping to his knees in front of you, and suddenly you don’t mind so much. 

“Forgive me?” He breathes, hooking his fingers into the band of your sleep shorts, dragging them down your legs to pool at your ankles, “Forgive me, hermosa.” 

Your hands are tangling in his hair, fingers running through the wayward locks. His mouth is so close to your core you can feel the heat of his breath fanning over your skin. He uses one of his wide palms to push gently at your stomach, leaning you back against the wall. Then, he takes hold of one your thighs, moving your legs to drape over his shoulder, the other firmly planted on the ground to keep you upright. 

You look down at him and he’s looking up at you, devilish grin painted across his face. He keeps his brown eyes locked with your own as his tongue flicks out and licks a perfect, wide stripe, up the seam of your pussy. Your head tilts back, hitting the wall behind you as a gasp leaves your lips when he does it again, this time letting his tongue dip between your folds to worship at your clit. 

You can feel his free hand spreading you for him, then his tongue is swirling fully over your clit and you’re crying out his name into the dark, tugging the hand that is tangled in his hair as you grind your pussy into his face. 

Javi could take you apart with military precision. In the span of a few short months, he’d managed to learn the exact movements of his tongue and fingers to get you off in record time. You can tell that this man is desperate to be inside you because his fingers are sliding through your slick and pushing into you with a ferocity you’re not used to. He’s relentless in his pace, curling his fingers up into you, hitting the spot that makes you sing, whilst his tongue is working quick flicks around your clit. 

“Fuck-” You groan, legs shaking as Javi has your hurtling towards the edge, “Fucking missed this.” 

His mouth pulls from your aching cunt just long enough to speak up at you, “Let go for me hermosa,” His wet mouth presses a kiss to your inner thigh, fingers still working in and out of you, “Come on my mouth.” 

His lips envelop your clit, there’s the pressure of sucking, the pressure of his fingers deep in your pussy, and the feeling of the tip of his tongue still running tight circles over your clit. Combine it all and you’ve got his name falling from your lips, orgasm slamming into you as Javi’s hands fly to your hips to keep you upright, mouth still working your clit through the aftershocks. 

Once he’s sure you’re not going to crumble to a heap on the floor, he’s standing, undoing his belt and tearing it through the belt loops in one motion. He unzips his jeans and pulls them down just enough to free his cock, before his hands are reaching around to pull you up. You wrap your legs around his waist whilst he pins you to the wall. His thick cock is buried inside you in one, swift thrust, and he doesn’t give you the usual time to adjust to him before he’s rutting into you, your back hitting the wall with every thrust. 

“I’m sorry,” He whispers into your ear, tip of his nose running along your jawline as he peppers kisses across your skin, “I’m sorry, hermosa,” His teeth are worrying at different inches of skin, biting and sucking until he leaves marks before soothing them with kisses, “Tell me you forgive me.” 

Your pussy is throbbing with every hard thrust he makes; you can feel yourself clenching around him. Your hands are gripping at his shoulders through the leather of his jacket and the angle of your position means he’s going to push you over the edge a second time. There is no way you couldn’t forgive this man in this moment. 

“Always,” You moan, “Always forgive you Javi,” Your hips are grinding down into his own to meet his thrusts, “Just don’t leave me again.” 

He leans his head forward, resting it to your forehead as he continues to fuck you, “Can feel you,” He mumbles, “Feel you getting tight for me, come with me?” 

You let out a high-pitched squeal at his words, as he picks up the speed. Neither of you are going to last long. It’s you that finishes first, fingernails dragging along the leather of his shoulders, your throbbing cunt clenching around his thick cock, which is all it takes for him to join you. You revel in the sound of your name falling from his lips as he fills you up. 

He manages to hold you up long enough to move you both back to the couch. He sits down, you still straddling his hips, as he brushes the hair from your face. His lips kiss at every inch of skin they can find along your face and neck whilst you catch your breath, “I truly am sorry, hermosa,” He speaks softly once you’ve recovered enough to look at him, “And I’ll spend as long as I need to proving that to you.” 

[a-student-out-of-time]

Thoughts on DRDT Chapter 2 Episode 12

//Hey everyone! So, it's been 17 months since the last episode, which...holy crap, right?

//Now that we've come to the continuation of our story, we have some new things to discuss, and I'm not just talking about what I've said. Instead of just repeating myself again, let's break down what's been happening in this episode and then we can continue theorizing.

I have three big things I want to address in this, which we should consider going forward:

(SPOILERS AHEAD)

The Murder Was Actually WORSE than it seemed

So Charles' point about where they fucked up was about the murder. However, it was about something I don't believe any of us quite considered: that the water from the relaxation room was taken and held for later use. We do have jugs in the trash that prove it's possible.

It's nice to see Teruko admit that she made a mistake and that the time of the murder was wrong, but to me, this meant two things: our murder could've happened at quite possibly any time and it would've been worse than it sounds.

See, death by drowning is already one of the worst ways to die, but if they obtained some jugs of water and used those in the murder, it means that our victim must've been waterboarded to death. Drowning is bad, but waterboarding is an even worse and more horrific way to die. More importantly to this case, it's pretty quick for the culprit.

Without oxygen, you'll experience brain death within 6-10 minutes. Since we now know the murder was set up in advance overnight, this means that all they really needed to do was grab their target, carry out the drowning and then hang the body to break the neck and disguise the cause of death. It could be over in less than 15 minutes.

We also now know that, as we all predicted, the murder likely took place around 7:30-8 AM, not PM, when most people were asleep and only a few were up at breakfast. This has also thrown most everyone's alibis out the window.

Essentially, whomever our victim was, she was murdered via waterboarding and then her body hung up while some people were awake. They cut is so close that the body was still swaying, as Teruko noted. That wouldn't happen just from the fans.

2. What's David Game Plan?

I've made it no secret that I'm not a fan of David, nor do I agree with the view that he's set to be DT's rival. As I've said many times before, Teruko doesn't need a rival like him, since the only challenge he offers her is being an existential threat.

That being said, I both like and dislike what happened with David this episode. It's good to see him not consistently being an annoying troll who evades questions by being a dick, and to actually have something more to say and some actual questions he raises. He's been lying about being Arei's killer, and apparently, that's part of what he considers a noble goal on par with Xander.

David's point in this episode is that he wants to be a "good person" like Xander, which echoes my points in my theory about how that's what this chapter is about: The Meaning Of A "Good Person." Teruko is, understandably, still very bitter and hurt by his betrayal, so she considers that idea laughable. David's point that "I'm sure he had a good reason" actually made me laugh, admittedly.

But what's interesting is he gave us an answer in the form of a non-answer. He claims he believes in something greater than himself and the lives of everyone else in this game, and since they're all on TV, he questions why this would be happening if the people behind it didn't want to make things entertaining. He brings up how Xander wanted to end the killing game and he's been derailing the trial because he says he wants to do the same.

What's frustrating is, as Hu says, David has essentially decided everyone's lives aren't important enough to preserve, so it's better if they all just give up and die to end the game. Xander did not want that, he wanted to end it with minimal casualties. A Total Party Kill is antithetical to everything Xander stood for, so if David is being sincere, he's really spitting in the guy's face.

I'm really curious what exactly he meant by him being the only one who "recognized" him. The thing with J early on proved that some of these people were at least aware of each other pre-game.

But does this mean David is actually a good person with noble goals? What part of "You exist to manipulate others" is not clear? I can't accept that at this point, but here's what I can accept, because it fits in so well with what we've been seeing:

Consider: why exactly did Xander try to kill Teruko? Because someone wanted her dead and somehow convinced him to give it a shot. We know that someone out there wants Teruko dead for whatever reason, and direct attempted murder has failed. What's the next best thing? Convince someone else that she needs to be dealt with.

Remember the secret David got? "How could I even select what secret to be your motive? Just about everything you've done in your life is worth killing for. The killing game is all your fault."

And let's be real: it's gotta be Teruko's. Between everything we've seen, it can't be anyone else. I'm sure David just said it was Xander's because it was easier to blame a dead person.

So let's consider how easy it would be for David to see that secret and then convince himself that Xander not only had the right idea, it really is better to let everyone die if it means Teruko is gone too. I can buy his admiration for Xander could drive him to do something like that if he learned something that horrible about Teruko, and then decide it was all for the greater good.

That, of course, assumes he actually means what he says. I remain convinced that Hu was the one who carried out the killing in his stead, and with the Blackened rule- it's the one who's the "most mastermind-y," not just whoever deals the fatal blow- David's alibi is irrelevant.

"But Bubbles, didn't Hu and Nico say that they have alibis for morning?"

Yes, but I'm also convinced David drove both of them to attempt murder for these very same reasons, first with Ace and then Arei. Either this was a "selfless" act based on his blind hero-worship of Xander that required everyone to be sacrificed, or this is all a selfish act to end the game and escape with his own life. Until someone can independently verify that Hu and Nico have alibis, I can't believe anything they say.

As for why they wouldn't say anything, Hu made a very impassioned speech about wanting to live and that David has no right to decide who should live and die. She is correct, and if her secret is that she was a hopeless child who tried to end it all three times, that actually adds a lot more weight to what she's saying here.

...But at the same time, under the belief that whomever killed would be executed, why would someone who wants to live just admit to being the one who did it? I don't like to consider it, bu Hu's desire to live paradoxically makes her more suspicious in my eyes. At least in being David's patsy.

Oh, and speaking of murder, here's the thing we all called.

3. Levi's Secret

Let's be real: we all probably saw this one coming. In the closing minutes of the episode, Levi admits that his secret is being a remorseless murderer.

Now, where everyone got this wrong is in assuming that, because that's his secret, it means that he must've been the one to kill Arei. That theory can be pretty definitively put to bed because, as I said with Hu, why would a murderer just admit to being a murderer after all this has happened?

Moreover, his point wasn't a confession. He didn't say he was the one who killed her, he apologized for potentially derailing the discussion again, and this was when everyone had hit a dead end in how to progress. If Levi were the Blackened, why would he do that? It would be in his best interest to stay quiet until the very end.

Instead, I think this is where an even stronger point in my favor comes in: Arei really did visit Levi, and they did discuss their secrets, but he didn't kill her. They either collaborated, talked about it or at least made peace about it, since they both came from pretty shitty families and probably found some common ground.

David brought up what it means to be a good person, but Arei and Levi are also great examples. Both have done terrible things and wanted to find redemption from them, Levi with murder and Arei with being a bully. The only reason I can see this being brought up now is because we have yet to hear his or her side of this story, and that could bring us to more important revelations down the line.

//So there you go, my breakdown of this episode. It's answered some questions, pretty definitively ended a couple theories, and raised many more points of discussion. And thankfully now we only have to wait until Friday to receive some more answers : P

[blueskittlesart]

blue blue you cant just drop the "its a metaphor guys" and then not elaborate. help my smooth brain. what is the metephor for the gloom hands

i know ive talked about this before because i literally wrote a whole comic about it but i can't find it sooo lol. anyway it's failure. the metaphor is failure. Consider where link is mentally during totk--he's regained much of his memories about his life pre-calamity, in particular he remembers the kind of pressure he was under to succeed at sealing the calamity, and arguably his experiences in botw only served to reinforce that mindset--he was shown exactly what happens when he fails or falters even a tiny bit. Hyrule is destroyed and zelda is trapped in a battle to the death with ganon for a hundred years. he likely carries a TON of guilt from that, and he hasn't quite been able to break away from the mindset that was instilled in him pre-calamity--that he is singlehandedly responsible for the well-being of the entire kingdom and any tiny slip-up or mistake could spell the end for everything he knows and loves. even the early events of totk reinforce this mindset--link makes one tiny mistake and loses zelda AGAIN, with seemingly no way to ever recover her.

All of this is to say that when totk opens, link is in a bad mental state, specifically, he's very much ruled by his fear of failure. after that mistake below hyrule castle costs him zelda, especially, it's likely he regresses back into a bit more of that pre-calamity hypervigilance and perfectionism, having been reminded exactly what is at stake.

As for where the gloom hands come in, I think the imagery itself makes it pretty clear what they're supposed to represent. The hands themselves make a constant reaching motion as they chase link, a motion which is VERY reminiscent of the reaching motion link made for zelda in the opening segment; a reminder of that specific moment where he failed and what it cost him. the "midday blood moon" effect present when the hands are giving chase is another visual element reminiscent of link's failures--specifically, it's harkening back to botw's calamity ganon, which had a similar effect on the environment the closer you got to it in the sanctum of hyrule castle. the blood moon effect is another visual memory of a specific instance where link failed to do his duty and lost everything because of it. these elements in tandem with the way the hands move mean that this entity is essentially link's failures CHASING HIM DOWN.

another element of this that I think is important is the fact that the hands are a cloak for another enemy--phantom ganon. to me, this is symbolic of the fact that although LINK may blame himself completely for the effects of the calamity and what happened in the opening segment of totk, the REAL enemy, the true cause behind all those events, is GANON, not link. but link is incapable of seeing this until he's willing to confront his fear of failure head-on and get it to drop the veil, revealing the true enemy underneath. because the hands are so viscerally terrifying to players, most early-game encounters with them will just end with you running for your fucking life, regardless of how obviously ineffective that strategy is--the hands are faster than you and don't consume stamina in their chase, unlike link, so they're almost always going to catch him in the end. the easiest way to defeat them is to get far away and fire off arrows, metaphorically forcing link to look his fears in the face instead of running away.

[kaneandfeels]

SO A LOT OF YOU ASKED A LOT OF QUESTIONS So we answered every one we were asked

1. What is an element of your story that surprised you?

How quickly the Holmes and Watson dynamic we used as a writing crutch entirely flipped through our characters growing and developing. Feels became the star rather than the sounding board in a way that is really organic and good - Jack

Its scope. I had dabbled with absurdism before Kane and Feels, but never gone full existential horror. I’m more of a like quiet melodrama type so i love that jack was able to get me writing more esoteric bullshit- Oli

I don’t know if it's surprising, but there’s a tenderness to a lot of the series that I wasn't expecting when we started. It sets its tropes out strongly, and then the characters interact in that space and take it in wildly different directions, while remaining true to the genre. - Jude

2. Is audio drama the only medium you've worked in? How does it compare to other mediums?

Audio dramas are the only form I've ever received feedback for really, I have a literature degree and I am constantly making stories but I don't really have any other published works like this. - jack

I’ve studied in other mediums, but not worked in them. I’ve done bits of filming at school but found quickly my talents laid in sound. - Jude

I’m an audio nerd, through and through. Started as a musician, became a DJ, wrote a sitcom, did a degree, made some docs and factual programmes and then it's been audio dramas since then. It's a difficult medium to master but a rewarding one when its’ done right. - Oli

3. What are some audio dramas that inspire you? Both in general and for your podcast.

Welcome to nightvale was a big early touchstone, the work of Dirk Maggs like batman knightfall meant a lot to me as a child, I had it on cassette tapes

HItchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (the radio series) is a big one. I listened to it religiously when growing up. Neverwhere was another one that inspired me from a sound perspective. The shifting brickwork always tickles my brain. - Jude

I listened to a lot of HP as a kid, while going tobed. I graduated onto the BBC7 ‘Comedy Club’ which played a mix of half hour sitcoms and stand up comedy vehicles between 10 and midnight when I was going to sleep… occasionally I would drift into the ‘seventh dimension’ where I’d hear the man in black, Blake 7 and all other sci-fi horrory affairs.  When Nightvale turned up, that was a game changer, cause it opened the field to people like me to go make audio dramas without the clout of the BBC behind us. Same with Wooden overcoats. 

More specifically though, there is a direct line between Aker and Blacker’s “beyond Belief’ on the Thrilling adventure hour’ and the early drafts of Kane and Feels

4. Who is a character that took you by surprise?

Councilman Geoff Grace. Go listen for why - Jack

Jeanine (the housewife) wasn’t surprising, but she was shocking. I just loved her framing and existence in the story. It's one of those ones where you can feel the screen on the scene. you ‘re looking in at this strange commercial of a woman as she lives this warped 50’s vibe. - Jude

For me, its the monster from wonderland. I had this idea for something grotesque, that pulled apart the idea that words don’t hurt. Of course words hurt. That’s why they can lead us to violence or action or whatever. So I had this idea of a monster who said words ‘scar from the inside’. Jack said ‘this is great, what is this monster?”…. And i hadn’t thought that far ahead. I said ‘I dunno, that’s your job, spookyman’ - so suddenly its the voice of the goddess of spite, we get Vivi P, the most terrifying italian woman ever to grace our studios to do her voice, and then pepper her in through out the series making her a serious big bad. Didn’t know she’d have that milage considering it was essentially a joke about sticks and stones breaking bones. - Oli

5. If you're the writer, how did casting/producing change how you thought about the podcast?

No one gave a fuck about our opinions on this particualr subject. - Oli

6. If you are a voice actor or audio editor, what is your favorite blooper moment?

There's a line with constituents in season one episode 4 that I just couldn't say - Jack

I think a lot of our weird bloopers end up in the show, either as the take or buried beneath some stuff. Season 2 is lousy with them, from Chippie’s final monologue to the sound of me and Oli in Thornbush’s charity shop. To even the joke about Paul Bearer in the final episode. - Jude

There’s one take we never used, where Ali Cambell, Jeanines’ actor, improvised a story about their first hamster. In the story, she crushes it to death. We loved it at the time, but it was arguably better than anything any of us had written so I personally coward’d out and didn’t put it in. - Oli (Id’ forgotten about that - Jude)

7. If you could make a crossover (canon or non canon) with any other audio drama, what would it be?

Am I allowed to say ‘Camlann’? Even though its very recent we’d slot in very well.or Victoriocity - Jude

I mean, I want to be on hello from the magic tavern, but not as kane - Jack

Sandman. Wanna work with Dirk. or What’s the Frequency or if Rose Drive ever resurrects.  - Oli

8. What is an inside joke or reference that is hidden in your podcast?

So many wrestling kayfabe references -  Jack

I always think of ‘GET BACK VILE BEAST’ *dunstan throws a spanner at a bird* - The real joke is that a lot of the rocks from St Dunstan made it into Camlann episode seven when the hill opens up into the underground.

The inside joke for me is the loops. “Jude’s discount Loops” - hacking these beautiful pieces of music that Oli has made and getting them to work. They’re all like 14 minutes long and there’s chopping that needs to be done. 

9. What are some of your favorite podcasts to listen to?

World Beyond Number. Westminster Insider, Too many Tabs, Chapo Trap House. I’m a trash person who listens to trash. (other than WBN, most exciting actual play on the scene RN) = Oli

Is it terrible I’m more of a music person? I’m currently spiraling back into Nonagon Infinity by King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard. I listen to old audiobooks to sleep. At the moment it's the good omens radio series with Mark Heap and Peter Serafinowitz. - Jude

I have an elaborate weekly schedule of podcasts I listen to, my current favorite is 'mom can't cook'

10. Are the podcasts you make / enjoy making the same kind you enjoy listening to (genre, formatting, etc)?

I mostly listen to character improv comedy and comedy reviews of film and wrestling. A little bit of D&D actual play too. so I guess... no? - J

I can’t just say ‘I don’t listen to podcasts’... I mean I can and I don’t. - Jude

No. - Oli

11. Free space! Tell me something cool about your podcast!

The music is crazy good - Jack

The Sound Design is once in a generation. - OliThe writing is ambitious and exciting - Jude

[this-is-gonna-hurt-me-inside]

Codywan POTC AU ideas

Ok so people seemed to like the idea (and my lack of experience in actually making posts that reach people showed when I tried to make this post through reblogging and it didn't appear anywhere :') ) so here's what I currently have with some rough drawings!

Here's the original post I made about it

Ideas and drawings for AU below, please feel free to use!! No idea if I'll actually write something for it, the creature in charge of driving my brain will decide I guess.

Ok so, Obi-Wan fills the role of Elizabeth and Cody is Will in terms of who’s the governor’s child (or grandchild/ward here) and who is found floating at sea with a mysterious medallion and becomes a blacksmith. Going to deviate from the story a lot but needed Cody to have that blood importance link - you will see why later.

Dooku is governor who takes in his grandson Obi Wan as his ward after Qui-Gon’s death, then brings him with him to port royal (feel like Dooku is a good fit for all the colonisation/sugar plantations/definitely not the good guy the films presented him as considering Caribbean in the 1770s.) Obi-wan and Cody grow up keeping in contact and obliviously infatuated with each other as per films.

Not sure if there’s a Norrington equivalent here. Satine would probably be the easiest fit in terms of romantic triangle but couldn’t be an exact match as she’d never be a soldier even if we ignored period accuracy (no idea if I will or not) and a lot of his actions would be an insult to her as a character. Think it would probably be that Satine and Obi-Wan are dear friends who aren’t interested in each other romantically but are being pressured to marry because advantageous match etc. (Possibility of both getting into Methodism and abolitionism through that and that being their points of discussion, and the clash occurs when from start of events of second film Obi-Wan goes and begins to take a much more active route to abolition eg. Killing slavers and boarding their ships to liberate those inside. Satine being against the killing and violence etc but thats later on!)

For Captain Jack Sparrow, who better than the greatest space pirate of them all, Hondo Ohnaka! (Was considering having Quinlan Vos for it but feel like his moral compass is too strong honestly)

As in the films, black pearl (possibly renamed) attacks the port and Obi-Wan is taken aboard with medallion when he invokes parley and, when he gives his surname as Fett, is taken away as they leave. Barbossa I’m currently thinking is Maul (which ties in beautifully and absolutely not completely accidentally with the clone wars episode where Hondo’s crew mutiny him to join Maul) who is going to manage to get singularly obsessed with Obi-Wan by the end of the events of the first film where he is not actually dead/possibly reincarnated like Barbossa in the films but blames Obi-Wan for everything (which would honestly be more justified than the root of Mauls obsession in canon).

Cody breaks Hondo out to help him rescue Obi Wan, they assemble a crew on Tortuga. Various Jedi characters will be appearing as part of a large network of escaped slaves and outlaws (for various reasons) who want to help people in similarly difficult and/or dangerous situations. The Jedi have had dealings with Hondo before and essentially have a similar reaction to him as ghost crew in rebels - don’t trust him as far as they can throw him but often forced to work with him against their better judgement.

Plot progresses as first film but more oh the real villains are the colonisers (though Maul and his crew are giving them a run for their money). Find out that not only is Fett blood needed to break the curse since Jango was involved with initial treasure taking, but there’s a mysterious extra reason why people are wanting to get their hands on a son of Fett. Murmurs of gaining favours with others saying it’s bad luck to have one on the same ship as them. Jedi and Hondo who have known Fett are also reluctant to give their opinion when Cody asks what Jango was like.

Movie accurate romantic and sexual tension between obi-wan and cody, gonna say period accurate homophobia also playing its part in stopping them acting on it.

After being rescued from being marooned Obi-Wan promises Dooku he will marry Satine if they rescue Cody, then sneaks out of ship to help take the Pearl and then on to rescue Cody. If it is Jedi in the crew they may well go with him but otherwise same as film. Hondo persuades Maul that he should become a commodore and Mauls crew “take a walk”. Then events as film but Obi wan kills Maul.

When they’re back at port royal, Cody saves Hondo from execution and Obi Wan saves them both either through really banking on his power as Dooku’s ward/heir or sneaking them away with distraction (possibly even before execution date). I quite like the second option as there’s an opportunity for using smugglers tunnels and a first, desperate kiss as Cody escapes with Hondo to join the crew on the Pearl.

So ends first film as it were. Here’s some more rough drawings of Cody and Obi-Wan start of first film vs third film. I absolutely used a reference for that first drawing of Cody and I nabbed the obi wan base for the drawings from another piece I’m working on so sorry about style discrepancies!

Second film! Satine and Obi-Wan’s wedding is taking place the next day and Cody, who has been writing letters back and forth with Obi-Wan , is waiting in the smugglers cave for him so they can run away together. But Obi-Wan never shows. Cody either hears at port or through Satine directly (who knew the plan to run away and was banking on the scandal meaning she could avoid marriage for a good while afterwards) that Obi-Wan has been taken into captivity by a Lord Palpatine/Sidious working for the interests of the East India Trading Company. The charges are for aiding and abetting pirates, his role in helping Hondo and Cody escape has been discovered apparently (maybe yes maybe no, Palpatine doesn’t give a fuck he just wants the compass). Cody somehow finds out about the compass being the wanted trade (Satine as a go between perhaps? Saying she’ll send hired men to get the thing that will save her fiancé?) and heads off in search of Hondo.

Hondo’s meanwhile been visited by an old friend to tell him it’s time to pay his debt, and the black spot appears in his hand. Surprise it’s not Jango! It’s Either Fox or Rex! Hondo scared shitless and runs ship aground on an island which is where Cody finds him and his crew at that time. (Do the Jedi help him get there??) Anyway think the island scenes will be more OFMD vibes than actual events of dead man’s chest.

Hondo tricks Cody into going onto shipwreck to search for key he’ll trade in return for compass. Flying Dutchman arrives and with it it’s captain, Darth Vader.

Another very rough drawing I added extremely rough shading to! Vader is combined Davy jones style with a vampire squid because 1) on brand 2) the membrane sections reminded me of the his mask. He’s wearing a bicorn hat which wouldn’t actually be the trend for another couple of decades but let’s just pretend Vader is incredibly fashion forward.

Cody is alive and so not of interest to Vader, until Hondo, who Vader has sensed and has appeared in front of on the Pearl, tells Vader that he’s a Fett and so part of his payment of 100 souls. Vader scoffs that a Fett son is payment of another’s debt and can’t be used by Hondo, but Hondo replies that Jango Fett died on land and so has no need to settle his debt anymore. Vader finally accepts when Hondo tells him Cody is in love, giving him a fortnight to find the other 99 souls.

Cody hasn’t heard this on the other ship so first he hears of it is Vader basically telling him and welcoming him as another son of Fett. Cody is confused when Vader tells him he can join his brothers on deck, figures he means crew mates, but instead comes face to face with dozens of men who look near identical to him in various states of ‘fishification’.

More rough drawings! I spent too much time on these but they’re still rough so heck it. Only did Alpha 17, Rex and Fox for these ones.

Alpha has been part of the crew for the longest time, as the first son that Jango Fett ‘paid his debt’ with. Torn between hair styles, but he’s turning into a great white shark. Alpha hasn’t known any life outside of the ship as he was barely walking when Jango took him to Vader. Jango essentially decided to settle his debt with Vader by making the souls to give himself because he’s a full out bastard. Mostly this meant one night stands and then showing up a few years down the line and promising to the mother he’d take care of the child.

Fox actually managed to live his life without Jango taking him as a child but it was still a hard life and he’s actually encountered Lord Palpatine/Sidious before. He doesn’t talk of that time but he has the brand on his neck from it (the pirate P). Either Palpatine killed him or eventually he either ran into Jango or those who knew of sons of Fett and believed that sending one to Vader would grant you favour from him/gain you a wish or something. It doesn’t, Vader just subtracts one from Fett’s debt. (Possibility of Palpatine killing Fox hoping to gain communication/favour with Vader?)

Rex is the most recent addition to the brothers in the crew aside from Cody. He’s only a couple of years younger and only a bit of fishification has started. He’s the most hopeful still of the brothers. He’s the one Cody trusts most and has as a confidant for his plan to steal the key.

Meanwhile Obi-Wan has escaped and disguised himself as a pirate. Manages to find Hondo and various Jedi. They may their way to island with the chest on it and Cody, who has managed to escape the Dutchman (name change pending) appears and fights Hondo.

Feel it would be kind of funny if Maul were to appear at this point and go all KENOBI, just to add to the chaos.

Vader is Anakin and fulfils the role of Davy Jones with Calypso being Padme (fun bit when they go to see her in her human form and they’re met by the handmaidens). Not a perfect fit as padme isn’t flighty and wild like the sea but hey ho. So Vader locked away his heart and trapped Padme in human form.

I honestly have no idea if the twins are running around somewhere or not and what they’re doing. Ashoka is definitely around somewhere as is Ezra and other rebels.

Had an idea of reincarnation or believed to be of Obi-Wan as someone Vader viewed as his in some way. Can either actually be reincarnation of just that they look similar/obi-wan is a descendant but Vader ends up obsessed with him which helps add validity when they pretend he’s Calypso/Padme.

Satine has been facing off with Palpatine and his cronies from a legal stand point but Palpatine isn’t playing fair or legal (particularly when he gets Vader’s heart (possibly delivered by Maul?)). Bo Katan would be sick to turn up and fight anyone and everyone.

Not sure if Jango is actually dead or not, but he had Boba and since he stuck around and loved his mother he thinks of him as his true child and has amazing cognitive dissonance to not be horrified and trying to rescue the others. But think he’s probably dead and boba’s running around somewhere not even aware how much danger he’s in (but possibly told by Jango not to tell people his real surname).

Oh also! Note on initial drawing - so I imagine that occurring with Mace Windu filling the role of Barbossa in the wedding scene!

Anyway hope there’s something in here that intrigues people!

[jacksgreysays]

Extremely late, completely unnecessary opinion of the Watcher situation, (2024-04-24)

So this is a relatively belated post — several days after the initial “Goodbye Youtube” and one day after the “An Update” videos — and surely by this point there are more interesting/insightful op-eds (both in written form and video form, especially penguinz0’s fairly objective POV as, essentially, a YouTube expert) but there is something about the Watcher situation that made my brain itch. Thus, I wanted to write about it in order to make sense of it all as well as get into a philosophy that seems to be haunting me in recent years and which I think applies greatly here.

This may seem completely out of left field considering 1) definitely not fanfiction and 2) about Watcher Entertainment, a YouTube channel which—as far as this tumblr is concerned—I’ve not engaged with whatsoever, but I don’t know where else I would put this, and weirdly enough I think the general tumblr response to this whole predicament is maybe the… if not objective… then at least, most thoughtful?—or, perhaps, least immediately reactive?—amongst the various social media platforms, that I think some people might appreciate this anyway.

In terms of my relevant background: I majored in Management Science (which is just a fancy way of saying Economics + Business + Accounting because they are, weirdly enough, separate things) and minored in Film Studies in school, I am currently working in the stage tech industry (which, I know, is obviously different from film/video industry), and I like to think I am a fan/consumer of a wide variety of independent creators, some of whom I am lucky enough to be able to afford being a patron/subscriber. I won’t go into all of them—because it is a lot—but there are four in particular whose business models I want to analyze in comparison to Watcher’s admitted blunder:

A) RocketJump (known for Video Game High School and Anime Crimes Division; the core group which turned into the podcast Story Break, then became Dungeons and Daddies) B) Dropout (formerly College Humor, we’ll get into their discography later) C) Drawfee (previously an offshoot of College Humor, now fully independent) D) Corridor Digital (used to be mostly behind the scenes of how VFX studios work, have since become a mostly original content creator)

I will say, right off the bat, I am a patron of Drawfee as well as Dungeons and Daddies, and I am a subscriber to Dropout. I am not subscribed to Corridor Digital’s streamer, which I will get into why later. I understand that being able to sustain those two patronages and one subscription is a luxury that not everyone can afford and so my point of view is already skewed by being such a person who could theoretically afford another streaming service if I so chose. I also acknowledge that many fans of Watcher are not in similarly financially secure places as I am and that regardless of the business model, any monetization that comes from fans would have been a rough ask. However, I wanted to go into this essay in a way that accepts Watcher’s statement—that they needed more funding—in relatively good faith rather than assuming the worst (although that is another point I’ll get into later, largely related to the philosophy I brought up earlier.)

All four of the above listed content creators started or, at least, hit their stride on YouTube:

RocketJump and College Humor were, if not household names, then the digital equivalent of it in the “early days of YouTube.” They were part of the wave of content creators that made YouTube seem less like a bunch of eccentrics with cameras making videos on the side and more like a viable way to support yourself/your team with the art you create.

RocketJump’s Video Game High School went from short (less than 10 minutes) minimal location episodes in season one, to 30 minute plus episodes with full on fight scenes and car explosions by season three thanks to a Monster Energy brand deal. They also had two seasons of Anime Crimes Division, a literal TV quality show, thanks to a Crunchy Roll sponsorship. Unfortunately, RocketJump shut down not long after (their videos are still up on YouTube but they obviously don’t add anything new) but the core creative team behind that have been involved in several projects outside of YouTube (Dimension 404 on Hulu being one of the biggest ones so far) including the podcast Story Break (part of the Maximum Fun network) and now the independent podcast Dungeons and Daddies, the episodes of the main campaigns which are free with ads or, for patrons, ad-less along with additional mini-campaigns and other benefits.

I will say, during RocketJump’s decline, they did try their best to keep going. The partnerships with Monster Energy and Crunchy Roll were the big swings to get the funding to make those TV quality shows they wanted. I believe they lucked out with those brands in particular, or, at least, those brands didn’t seem to inhibit the creative process or ask too much of them that it felt like “selling out” but I also don’t have insight into why they didn’t pursue this model of, essentially, very weird but interesting season long commercials. Maybe they just couldn't find the right brands or maybe they did feel like it was too stifling. Regardless, before they shut down completely, they did also downsize—moving out of the actual city of Los Angeles over to Buena Park. Which is in Los Angeles county, and basically counts as LA still, but is way cheaper than literal Hollywood real estate. (I should have added to my relevant background that I’m born and raised LA county, and have relatives and friends in the film/movie industry, so trust me when I say literal Hollywood/city of Los Angeles is so overrated and unnecessarily expensive. There is a reason why LA traffic is the worst and it’s because everyone is commuting INTO the city. Respectfully and with affection, no one should live there. No one’s start up should be located there.) Obviously the downsizing didn’t necessarily work for RocketJump, but they also didn’t have multiple successful revenue streams the way that Watcher currently does.

In contrast, College Humor was acquired by InterActiveCorp and was turned into CH Media which was three pronged: College Humor, Drawfee, and Dorkly. In 2018 they made Dropout, which had exclusive content separate from their YouTube videos which involved all three prongs. Then some financial shenanigans happened early 2020—IAC withdrew their funding—and there were a bunch of layoffs right before the pandemic which extremely sucked. It has been stated by multiple people involved that it was basically a miracle that Dropout survived through all of that, but there were definitely some sacrifices along the way to make that happen. Currently, Dropout seems to be thriving with mostly exclusive content with the occasional “first episode of a season” posted to YouTube, OR if Dimension 20 is doing a “sequel season” in an already established campaign they will put the entirety of the previous season on YouTube.

IAC withdrawing their funding did put CH Media in a bind. They had to layoff a lot of people right before pandemic and, understandably, a lot of trauma was had. There were also weird issues with who controlled certain IPs/brands/digital assets (I mostly come at this from a Drawfee POV, it took several years for them to own the Drawga series and be allowed to host all of the episodes on their YouTube, and there was also something about the sound file for their opening animation?) but mainly the difference is what kind of content they generate. Originally Dropout had multiple scripted shows with high budgets and pretty cool effects/animations/stunts (Troopers, Kingpin Katie, Gods of Food, Ultramechatron Team Go!, Cartoon Hell, and WTF 101) whereas now almost all of their shows are variations of improv comedians being put into different scenarios or given different prompts. I’m not just talking about Game Changer and Make Some Noise, because Dimension 20 and Um, Actually also technically fall under that description as well. Which is not to say that these shows are worse than the scripted shows—I subscribe to Dropout, so clearly I’m a fan of their current shows—and the budgets for them have since increased to resemble, if not match, those early shows, but it is a noticeable shift in their content creation strategy as a response to the lack of IAC funding. And I will say: Dropout releases at least three videos a week if not more and at least two of those are long form at 30 minutes plus (Dimension 20 being the longest, of course.)

So, these first two business models are not really the most applicable to Watcher Entertainment considering their origin was to get away from Buzzfeed—they’re probably not keen to be partnered with or purchased by a larger company—but there are some aspects to both that I believe are valuable in at least showing the strategy in how these former YouTube creators could successfully extract themselves from YouTube or how they still utilize YouTube even if it is not their main hosting platform or revenue stream.

Then there is Drawfee and Corridor Digital, both of whom are currently—if not primarily—on YouTube, whose situations are more comparable to what I believe are Watcher’s goals.

Drawfee had to rebuild themselves like a phoenix from the ashes of the CH Media layoff during the beginning/worst of the pandemic. Side note: I’m happy that Nathan (one of the four main artists of the current Drawfee team) at least has forgiven(? or let bygones be bygones) Dropout enough to be on an episode of Game Changer (although I will say that this happened after Drawga was “returned” to Drawfee, and after Dropout officially split from College Humor as a brand.) All that being said, Drawfee was a team of four artists plus their editor who wanted to stick together but basically had all of their support system taken away from them. They took a bit of a break to assess their goals and options, announced a patreon with several tiers with great perks, and stuck to their upload schedule. In addition to two videos a week, they also stream on Twitch weekly, have a patron only stream once a month, and a draw class (for one of the higher tiers) once month. After asking their patrons on the relevant tiers if they were okay with it, they began releasing the patron only stream and the draw class to the general public for free after a month. The patreon perks also include things like merch discount codes, high quality PNGs of the final rendered art, access to the draw class with live interaction/critique, and a commission from the artist of your choice. The only “ads” they run are for their own patreon and merch store and, even then, they’re usually at the end of the videos with a credit scroll of the patron names during their exit banter.

Admittedly, they only have MAYBE eight employees—that’s including their video editor(s?) and their discord mod(s?)—with the main four artists doubling/tripling up duties as additional video editors, CFO, and marketing/merch leads. It’s a very streamlined crew and their production costs are not very high since it’s mostly screen recording of their drawings with their audio recording overlayed onto that footage. Although the video editors do sometimes have clever cuts to relevant images depending on their vamping. Sometimes they will have a guest artist but, again, since it’s screen and audio recordings, there’s no travel/housing costs. So, very minimal expenses due to low production costs and small crew but, again, their only revenue source is the patreon/merch, they don’t do outside ads and they very rarely do live shows.

Corridor Digital is, I think, the most applicable to what Watcher would ideally do, which I suppose is somewhat ironic for this essay in particular considering they’re the only one of the four that I don’t financially support. They have two YouTube channels: their main one being where they show the “final product” videos, but I believe their Corridor Crew channel which started primarily as behind the scenes type of videos is where most of their views come from. Especially their React series (VFX artists, Stuntmen, and Animators React etc.) On Corridor Crew they usually upload two videos a week — one which is a React and the other which goes into fun projects/challenges (involving VFX or not) or using VFX to explain scientific concepts — as well as the first episodes of their exclusive content on their streamer. Also behind that paywall are longer and ad-less versions of the videos on YouTube. They also have merch. All of them have merch, I don’t know why I’m stating that. They don’t have a patreon as far as I know, but I also don’t know if their subscription to their website comes with similar perks like discounted merch or something similar.

Anyway, their studio seems to be about 15 to 20 people — not all of them are VFX artists, of course. I believe they have higher equipment costs than Watcher since, understandably, Corridor has to be on the cutting edge of video editing technology. They do occasionally travel for shoots, but it doesn’t require big teams, and that’s only when the local locations available to them don’t match the requirements for the “final product” videos. Otherwise most of their videos are set in the studio or in the alleyway outside their studio in Los Angeles (the city itself, not just the greater county, though they are in a rougher and thus probably cheaper part of Los Angeles). I personally don’t subscribe to their website primarily because their exclusive shows don’t appeal to me—either they’re too technical or a little too dry; to be fair, most of them are VFX artists first before they are performers—and I don’t particularly feel the need to see the extended cuts of the videos uploaded on YouTube. Also I sometimes get a little bummed out by their lack of diversity.

All of this to say, from these four different business models, a bespoke Frankenstein business model for Watcher could be cobbled together. But also, even with that bespoke Frankenstein, there are some changes that Watcher would have to make: primarily their upload schedule. As of right now, I think they do MAYBE one video a week if not, perhaps, one video every TWO weeks. If they want a monthly subscription model, their rate of content generation would ideally be higher to double/quadruple their current upload rate. Obviously they want to create videos with higher production value, but at that rate of generation, something’s got to give: supplement their TV quality shows with either a behind the scenes type series or an increase of “we get four episodes out of Shane and Ryan get increasingly drunk in someone’s backyard” or something similar. Leaning into shows like Worth A Shot (the first season in which Ricky Wang makes cocktails based on a random ingredient, the second season threw in some competitive aspects which I didn’t really find necessary) or the Beatdown which has relatively low production costs (no travel, one location, maybe two cameras at most therefore smaller crew requirements) but a higher polished look. Otherwise, for a separate streaming subscription service, 2-4 videos a month is not going to cut it.

As of right now they probably can’t back out of the separate streaming subscription service because those set ups usually require some level of contract/paying for servers for the website and whatever is hosting their videos for a set amount of time. However, what really strikes me is that I literally didn’t know they had a patreon until I scrolled through the comments of the first Goodbye Youtube video. Maybe it’s been linked "tactfully" in the descriptions of videos, but considering they claim to be lacking in funds, the fact that they weren’t plugging their patreon at the end of every video is not just strange, but also irresponsible considering they do have 25 employees that they don’t want to layoff.

Additionally, I understand artists needing to be in a space that promotes creativity, but there are cheaper places that must be comparable that aren’t in literal Hollywood. It’s an unnecessary expense. On top of that, other people have already brought up that it was fairly crass to introduce this paywall, attributing it to the increased production costs, when the next planned “new series” is a reboot of an old Buzzfeed series in which people travel and eat expensive food. I’m not even talking about the personal expenses of Steven, Shane, and Ryan; what kind of car they drive or the cost of their wedding venue doesn’t matter on a business model basis.

But getting back to the patreon: again, I literally didn’t know they had one. I’m looking over their tiers— they have $5, $10, $25, and $100 — and for the most part they seem okay, although I think they have more to offer that wouldn’t necessarily cost them more. Ie, something that has baffled me for a while: the fact they don’t sell the mp3s of the Puppet History songs; they already exist and it doesn’t cost them anything additional because they don’t need to put it on physical media. Or maybe they do and they’re not marketing it similarly to how they weren’t overtly marketing their patreon?

And, okay, maybe they didn’t want to seem desperate — in the early days of Dropout and independent Drawfee, they both were very blatant in getting people to subscribe/join their patreon. As they should be. Desperation maybe doesn’t look cool and sexy, but it is earnest in a way that conveys equal effort that fans who can afford it would want to see. The fact that we weren’t getting rotating ten second clips of Steven, Shane, and Ryan asking people to join the patreon at the end of every video — even if its the same clip every three videos — is wild. And yes, the $25 tier includes a shoutout every 3 months on Watcher Weekly+ (which I don't quite understand what that is,) but the fact that they weren’t doing a quick post movie credits scroll of all the patreon names is, again, wild. Once you have that initial list, it’s not too difficult to add any new names that join and put that title overlay on top of, again, those nonexistent ten second clips of the three.

As others have already stated, it seems like an extreme mismanagement of their existing successful revenue streams, if they are actually struggling to pay all of their employees. Which goes into the philosophy part of this essay: don’t assume malice when it might just be incompetence. It’s something that I have to remind myself of often because I do get paranoid about people’s intentions sometimes and I have to check myself. Am I being overly suspicious of what might be just an honest mistake? Am I assigning ill will to an action just because it inconvenienced me?

Yes, of course, a lot of this situation could be misconstrued as straight up greed. But, also, Watcher is a relatively young company, helmed by three people who certainly don’t have experience running their own company:

They like to travel. They like to bring a full crew around with them. They’re renting out a shiny office in the heart of Hollywood where everyone knows is where real show biz happens. They’re adding more employees to the team because surely more people means better. And they want better productions values because the prettier the videos the more people will like them right?

It’s naive. It’s a level of inexperience combined with giving responsibility to officers whose main priority is to entertain. And if that means entertaining themselves and their staff, then they might not know the difference. It’s the kind of mistake that first time managers make—trying to prioritize fun over getting the job done. Prioritizing making friends with their employees rather than making sure the work the employees put in is equal to (or greater than) what you spend on them whether that is in paycheck or bringing them to cool locations for fun shoots. It’s a mistake anyone can make, it's just unfortunate that they made this mistake in front of millions of people. It doesn’t necessarily mean it’s solely a greed induced cash grab.

But then comes the catch-22 of the philosophy—is it worse to assume incompetence than it is to assume malice? Or, in this case, greed. Especially for the heads of a company that holds the livelihoods of 25 employees in their hands. At what point does it not matter if it’s incompetence or greed if the end result is the same?

Is it better to think that Watcher knew about the various other business models of independent creators and just ignored the efforts put into achieving those successes or is it better to think that they didn’t know and just stumbled into one of the worst moves they could have done. Again, other people have mentioned that Great Mythical Morning—which Watcher has had multiple collaborations with—has managed to make the YouTube subscription/tier system work to the point that they can sustain themselves as well as spinoff channels. Is it incompetence or greed that led to Watcher thinking they could bypass that completely in less time and with less content?

I’ve been at this mess of an essay for several hours when I should have been asleep. Ultimately I want to say, regardless of incompetence or greed… yes, Steven is CEO and yes he is ultimately the one who makes the final call but it is disheartening to see the pointed vitriol at Steven specifically and the infantilizing of Shane and Ryan in comparison. Either they’re all silly uwu boys who are messing around not knowing how to run a company, or they’re all complicit in a crass cash grab in an extremely busted economy.

I think what’s most frustrating to me in all this is that there were so many other channels and creators who have literally walked this path before them and, again, whether through incompetence or greed or arrogance, for them to just ignore it… It’s not betrayal because I don’t know them and so there’s no relationship to betray, it’s just so inefficient and convoluted that I don’t understand. Or, no, even if it was greed, it’s an incompetent greed because at least pure greed would have been pushing that patreon every second they could. Their ratio of YouTube subscribers to patreon members is less than 1% and I bet that’s because a lot of their audience, like me, literally didn’t know they had a patreon. I probably would have become a patreon member of theirs had I known earlier, ESPECIALLY if it included access to those Puppet History songs. Drawfee has half as many YouTube subscribers and nearly double the patreon members as Watcher. I’m just baffled, is all, and maybe by this point sleep deprived.

Anyway. That’s my extremely late, completely unnecessary opinion of this situation.

Edit (several hours later after some sleep): I forgot to mention, because they did walk this back almost immediately, even before their "An Update" video, but I believe the original plan was to put EVERYTHING behind that paywall and pull their content from YouTube entirely. Which is, again, extremely baffling, because if ALL of their content is behind a paywall, how would they possibly gain new fans? Even if all of their current fans were able and willing to pay for their separate subscription streaming service, how would a brand new person even stumble on their content enough to want to subscribe if there wasn't a significant amount of "proof of value" free content on YouTube? Again, extremely baffling, and a level of incompetence that overshadows a "cunning" greed. But, like I said earlier, they did walk this decision back almost immediately. If I've misunderstood this and that was never their plan, please let me know, I don't want to be spreading misinformation in a situation that is already so convoluted.

[asterdisaster06]

i love you ain't that the worst thing you've ever heard?

ghost x reader [exes], platonic 141 x reader

1 - 2 - 3 - 4

summary > Soap and Gaz shenanigans

word count > 1.9k

warnings > military inaccuracies

a/n > do you guys ever have so many fic ideas but have to limit yourself to two series only? yeah, that’s me and it’s breaking my heart that i can’t keep up with 10 separate ideas

ao3

The sun shining through the military issued curtains warms your sleeping figure as your eyes flutter open - your brain taking a moment to catch up with your eyes viewing your new room. Your new home. It offers you a sense of comfort alongside loneliness at the thought of the pure solitude you were encased in. At your old base, you shared a room with a fellow soldier and someone you were proud to call a friend, but that isn’t the case here. Here, you’ve yet to truly make any official friends, and you're doubtful that the unease you feel even being on base would let you open up enough to be able to. Trust and friendship is something that you would like to keep separate on the field - most soldiers would - but you suppose it also extends into domestic moments. You find it hard to trust someone after one little conversation ended a relationship just like that. 

You shake that thought off like a wet dog to water and push yourself to get up. From what little you remember from the chaos of last night, today was supposedly stealth and sniper training with Gaz. It didn’t trouble you too much considering the connection between Simon and Gaz was a deep trust but nothing beyond simply working together. You had to have that trust with those on your side in this line of work. The job would be ten times more dangerous if you didn’t. You suppose that this training was meant to build that trust between you and the team before an actual mission, but you weren’t entirely sure if you could achieve that with Simon himself.

Brushing your teeth, you stare at the tired figure in front of you. A bruised and battered soul that has never quite healed despite your best efforts, as evidenced by the distinct eye bags and litter of scars across both your skin and heart. Seen and unseen. To the trained eye, you suppose, there was no real difference however. You spit into the sink, letting it run down the drain alongside your emotions. The cabinet holds only the base essentials provided by the base and your medicine that you throw back with a grimace. There was nothing you could truly do to drastically improve your appearance, but you found yourself wishing somehow that you could. You resign yourself to how you look and shake your folded clothes out before throwing them on in preparation for the long day ahead. You mask slips on over your head with such ease that you would

As you lace up your boots with efficiency earned only by doing it repetitively every single day, you hear a knock sound on the door. A gentle thud that almost reminds you of the sound a body makes when it falls to the floor - keyword being almost. A second knock is made just as you reach the door and turn the knob to be greeted with the sight of both Soap and who you assume is Kyle “Gaz” Garrick by his side. 

“Rise and shine, Angel!” Soap yells out, and you can almost hear bagpipes accompanying his excitement if you listen carefully. Then again, you could be imagining it. 

“Training doesn’t start until eight. It’s six,” You point out, your morning voice still fully fledged. If that wasn’t enough to signify your recent throw into consciousness the yawn after your statement should’ve been.

“He wanted to invite you to breakfast at seven, but also insisted on getting here early enough so you couldn’t say no,” Gaz offers up before he’s jabbed in the side by Soap, much to your amusement. 

“I’ll join you guys for breakfast,” You begin, already seeing the start of a grin making its way across Soap’s face. “But, only if you guys join me for my morning run beforehand.”

“Oh, how hard could it be? I bet I could beat you around the compound, Gaz,” Soap teases. 

. . .

Soap would soon eat his words, and dirt, as he ended up tripping over air twice on the run. Although, he insists there was a rock that you didn’t see that was out for him. Unsurprisingly, despite the little mishaps at the beginning of the jog, your two future comrades kept up decently with your pace. You suppose they had to if they were able to make it all the way up the ladder into this team. 

“How is Soap more clumsy than you, Gaz, but somehow you’re the one that fell out of a helicopter?” You mutter under your breath, realizing your mistake as soon as the words escaped your mouth. 

“How did you know that story, love?” Gaz asks, wiping sweat off his face with the back of his hand. 

“Word gets around,” You reply quickly. Not a complete lie. It just so happens that word got around from Simon mentioning small, insignificant details about his teammates on missions. Ones that made you laugh way back when. 

“Imagine being known only for falling out of a chopper,” Soap teases, nudging Gaz. 

“Very funny. At least my hair is regulation standard,” Gaz says, tussling the mohawk of the Scot. Almost like brothers, you notice. 

“Oi, lay off you div,” Soap says, his scotticism slipping out. 

“I’ll meet you guys for breakfast after a shower,” You say, giving a stretch and a big yawn afterwards.

“Just don’t get lost,” Gaz offers as he waves farewell. It appears that Soap has been spreading stories about your unfortunate meeting circumstances. 

“Aye, we’ll save you a seat, LT,” Soap grins with an exaggerated salute. 

You roll your eyes with a soft smile painted across your face as you turn to head back towards your living quarters. The dimly lit room offered a muted sense of comfort; although, you were itching to get some pops of color into the bland room. You’d have to check with Price to see how much you could change - considering you were contracted for five years, it would be likely that there was more leeway than usual. Especially given your position, but that could just be the fact your old roommate and you constructed a colorful, sentimental place you were proud to call home. It elicited a faint pang of homesickness within you. You’d have to call sometime soon to update them. 

Making sure the door was definitely closed behind you first, you slip off the light mask. Its design reminded you of the weeks leading up to the completion of its construction. You had a few of your fellow teammates to thank for their arts and crafts help - although you suspect that they would rather thank you for the creative outlet. You just consider the fact that all the crayons were accounted for and un-eaten a success. It has become a part of you now, whether you wanted it or not. There was something symbolic about the bird-like nature of its design; perhaps you wished you had wings of your own to escape the hurt. However, that’s more of a therapist's take on what actually occurred. 

It was more of an inside joke whenever you were a recent hire to your previous base. There was a mission or two that required you to take a position as a lookout. A bird had started chirping and cawing in your ear, sending extreme confusion over the commsat your attempts to get it to shoo. It was something that your team laughed about after the fact, saying that the bird life chose you. Ergo, your mask reflected the appearance of your feathered friends. The idea of your callsign being reflected in the feathery appearance also made it feel fitting. 

You shed your comfortable yet cold clothes and step into the warmth of the shower water, letting it run down your frame into the drain. If you stared long and hard enough at the floor, you could’ve sworn that it held a pink tint. It was a simple hallucination, but it had been real at one point in your life. You choose to close your eyes, focusing on the feelings of your hands running across scars - old and new. Your past life never held these marks, evidence of your suffering. Simon was the only one decorated with the physical damage appearing on his skin a few years ago, but you’ve accumulated more than your fair share of healed wounds.

You wash away those thoughts alongside the sweat and suds down the drain, making way for the amour surrounding your heart. The roughness of the towel as you dry yourself grounds you to reality. You actively avoid looking at the mirror, refusing to look at your scarred appearance that Simon would lose his mind over, as you get dressed. Breakfast wasn’t something that you indulged in as much anymore, not when it was no longer shared with the hugs from behind as Simon stole a piece of bacon. The very thought pained you to your core. You covered it up, swept it under the rug, in a very similar fashion to you disguising your appearance by the mask. 

You exit your room, making sure to lock it behind yourself. The beasts cage. You wander the halls until you reach the canteen, quickly scanning the room until your eyes settle on Soap. Or rather, the man beside him. Ghost. There was something about him that had changed from the person you once knew, besides the obvious appearance and behavior due to the environment. Or maybe, just maybe, you never knew him after all. You refuse to believe that you knew the real him, and the real Simon had truly tossed you to the side that easily. It wasn’t something you were willing to accept. Not yet. Not ever.

“Oi, over here Lieutenant!” 

There goes your sense of peace and internal argument over whether you could slip out unnoticed and effectively ghost this entire interaction. Your inner turmoil is only heightened by the fact that the choice was made for you - that and the fact that you’re now being perceived by the entire room as you make the walk of shame over to the table. All the eyes on you make it difficult to feel at ease. Even with your mask disguising that particular emotion paired with a heavy wince, your body language undoubtedly exuded your nervous nature. 

You trudge over to the table as the group all gives you their own greetings. You have an inkling that Soap had dragged all of the members here for breakfast as a sort of meeting for you. It’s incredibly hard for you to believe that both Price and Ghost were here willingly. 

“Goodmorning, Bonnie!” Soap says, the chipper in his voice making you wince slightly.

“Morning, little birdie,” Gaz calls out, seemingly taking a shine to that new nickname.

“Lieutenant,” Is all Price offers up. 

Although, it’s more than the intense stare and grunt you got from Ghost. You’re not entirely sure if you’re more offended or relieved by that. You pull one of the chairs out and take a seat near Soap and Gaz. It appears that they weren’t lying about saving you a seat, much to your surprise. On top of that, someone here - you suspect Soap - grabbed you a tray so you could avoid the line. It warmed your heart, a smile sent towards Soap. It’s times like these that you thank past you for constructing the mask in a way that your mouth is exposed enough to speak and eat. 

“Hey, Ghost. Have you ever thought about having your mask like that?” Soap pipes up.

“No. I already have enough of my face exposed with the eyes,” He replies gruffly. 

“Ah, I suppose that’s true. Angel does have their eyes covered. It’s kinda like the opposite of your mask,” Soap mentions. 

A simple hum from the man across the table is all you received. It’s all you or anyone else at the table received the entire time you spent eating with the team. Despite the small talk and inside jokes being created right in front of your eyes. It was so odd, sitting there right in front of the man you used to wake up next to, and him not knowing a single thing. Never noticing. These thoughts plagued you into a simple quiet as you listened to Soap explaining what “mountain chickens” were to Gaz - much to his confusion. The absurdity of the completely domestic circle of fellow soldiers sharing breakfast made you smile, if only slightly. All of it came to an end eventually as each individual had something to busy themselves with throughout the day. 

“Well, better not waste any time,” Gaz exclaims, offering you a hand up that you graciously accept. 

“Up and at ‘em soldier,” Soap adds. 

You were looking forward to the hand to hand combat training against these two. It was a formality but nonetheless you stirred at the opportunity to exhibit your abilities against both men. Prove yourself in some way or another. Maybe even prove to yourself that you do in fact deserve to be here - despite the words ringing in your ears as an echo of Simon Riley claiming you didn’t. Never would. Well, you would prove him wrong. Starting today. Not five years ago - starting today - because now he could see you. You could show him beyond a doubt that you had improved enough to earn a spot on the renowned team. Alongside him - even if he wouldn’t know it. Not yet.

-

taglist: @abbiesxox

[toxycodone]

oxy help meeee theres a post with 10k notes going around about how posting about your kinks means those are actually your morals and values and beliefs and two of my mutuals reblogged it

show me the damn post 💀 because…huh? People like this are so funny to me because like. Okay. I can almost guarantee they’re fans of genshin/hazbin/etc. and bend over backwards to defend that shit meanwhile. (Like if you want to bring up the stuff you enjoy showcases your moral beliefs argument…two can play at that game.)

but also like…it’s literally not that difficult to understand at all that kinks/fetishes ≠ moral ideas. Not only is that incredibly harmful because it is extremely common for victims of acts of sexual violence to develop fetishes/kinks based on what happened to them (A VERY COMMON HUMAN PSYCHOLOGICAL PHENOMENON BY THE WAY.) but…it always sets us back way further when we have arguments like this.

a big big thing that bothers me about this too is like…where is anyone even getting the idea that just because someone may have a kink or fetish that they’re going to act on it? Just because something makes you aroused does not imply that it will ever come up in your sexual life. It doesn’t even mean you will engage in content surrounding that topic…? To go even further a kink or a fetish doesn’t even mean you’re going to be aroused by this in a sexual sense. Sometimes it’s just something you enjoy in a more average type of sense. Again, psychology and brains are extremely complicated.

I know this website is notorious for people who do not have sex but if you guys are going to start sex discourse I think a major key should be. That you engage in the action. And humping your body pillow doesn’t count. BUT ALSO. As someone w compulsive thoughts from OCD this pisses me off even more because some of the fetishes I have are extremely not common but don’t derive from any trauma I’m aware of and I’d ask myself “am I a SAer/pedo/etc.” because I was so concerned and posts like that feed into that weird psychosis shir. I brought this up to my psych and literally her answer was “anyone who is a sexual criminal is not going to second guess themselves or try to mitigate harm/ensure consent.” And I was like. Oh real.

BUR ALSO. HUMAN PSYCHOLOGY AND SEXUALITY ARE EXTREMELY COMPLICATED. You cannot define someone’s morals based on what gets their dick hard. I know it’s difficult for some of you on this website to understand because you stay inside and read manga and play video games all day, but life is not this black and white.

If taboo kinks concern you, for the love of fucking God please go pick up a book. Something academic and ideally peer reviewed (no you can’t find that on Ao3! close that tab for once in your life.) AND READ. Read about modern sex theory and human psychology. Understand that fear and arousal are actually two very very similarly stimulated points in the brain. Did you know someone can develop a taboo kink/fetish because they literally find the action so abhorrent irl that the brain can just get confused and mistake it for sexual arousal? You can find something incredibly gross irl and would never consider acting on it but your brain can be like “damn that’s hot” because it’s essentially a giant squishy supercomputer. It’s not immune to glitches!

also it’s time to break some mutuals. You don’t owe anyone online your time, effort, companionship btw. You can just block and move on. In fact I encourage it. 💀 do not waste time or effort on tumblr people.

[hotcryptidsinyourarea]

Falling for the Frogman of Loveland, Ohio

story synopsis: Molly is a 30-something cookbook editor who has decided to move from New York to Loveland, Ohio after a bad breakup and a desire for a fresh start. She is instantly attracted to her neighbor Jeremiah's midwestern charms, but this local guy is much more than meets the eye...

human (she/her) + interdimensional humanoid frogman (he/him) cw: lurking

Chapter 2

I come back from the grocery store with plenty of my staple favorites and a few treats to keep me motivated throughout the evening. I put the groceries away haphazardly then turn my attention to the business of getting as much of the house in order as possible. I was able to get the electricity, water, and gas set up before my arrival, but unfortunately I couldn’t get the internet turn on in time. I have that scheduled for tomorrow, thank god, because I am a modern woman who needs her internet access, dammit! I refuse to be disconnected. Fortunately, my cell phone reception is excellent and my data plan is unlimited, so I pick out a podcast and stream it on my phone’s speaker while I get to work. I’m practically a pioneer woman out here getting back to nature. 

I don’t have too much to do this evening considering the bulk of my belongings aren’t here yet, but I still have those few boxes of essentials I need to unpack. Plus, I had my brand new mattress and bed frame delivered and ready to build. The delivery people were even kind enough to put the boxes in the backyard to reduce the chances of them being porch pirated. That part of the house is closed in, but the short picket fence itself is more about form than function. It’s easy enough for anyone to reach over it and unlock the gate that separates front and back. And at the back of the property, you can see clear over it to a small creek that runs perpendicular to my block, so anyone who may be walking back there could hypothetically look right into my yard. The exposure doesn’t bother me, per se, but I do wonder if such a backyard setup is ideal or if I’ll need to invest in something more secure in the future. I guess even if you don’t buy a fixer upper, home ownership is a promise of continuous renovation projects. It’s a good thing I have plenty of time on my hands in the months ahead. If only those hands were also equipped with the DIY skills I’ll need to tackle the agenda. I'm not a particularly handy gal, but I guess no one is until they try. And I might as well start with the relatively simple job of putting my bed together.

Whatever silly online bed-in-a-box company I used even had a deal where I could get a new frame, mattress, pillows, and bedding for a bundled price, so there are multiple boxes back there. I drag them inside and settle them one by one in the master bedroom before using the Swiss army knife my dad gave me for my 13th birthday to open them. Assembling the bed isn’t difficult– even with my lack of handywoman acumen– but it does take a while to actually complete. By the time I’m done, the room is a maze of boxes stuffed with plastic wrap and random cardboard pieces used to package the whole kit-and-kaboodle. It’s absolutely a mess, but I have a bed. No matter how much or how little I do for the rest of the day, I’ll be able to tuck in at the end of it for a good night’s sleep. I can’t help but feel a sense of accomplishment, even though I’m basically doing the bare minimum. 

Wanting some fresh air after my radical act of self-sufficiency, I drag the boxes back out into the yard and start breaking them down and bagging the rest to throw in the trash. Once I’m done, I figure I’ll stay outside to poke around the property a bit and give my brain a break in hopes it will recuperate enough for me to tackle another task. One of the things that really drew me to this home in particular was the aforementioned little creek that runs behind this block of homes. It’s not much– the depth won’t even clear my knees– but it’s still a gorgeous little slice of nature. I enjoy the gentle sounds of the running water and dip my toes in it. The water is cool and clear, but clouded with the silt of the creek bottom. A school of tiny fish with swatches of red-orange along their throats rush past my toes and I take it as a good sign. Immediately spotting wildlife surely means the creek is healthy, though I don’t claim to be an expert in the matter. 

I notice the sunlight waning and head back inside. While there is still a good deal of unpacking I need to do, I’m also pretty hungry. It is time to make good with the groceries I packed up earlier. I pour myself a glass of wine and turn on the oven to preheat. Then I grab the multi-colored heirloom tomatoes, focaccia, fresh mozzarella, and pre-made pesto I picked up at the store and start preparing dinner. In my opinion, there isn’t a food combination out there that can top carb + tomato + cheese + green. No matter how you slice it, no matter how you spice it: it always hits. Grilled cheese with arugula and tomato soup? Sublime. Saag paneer with rice and tomato chutney? Mouthwatering. Cheesy spinach enchiladas with red sauce and pico de gallo? Que ricos. The spices may vary and the composition may shift, but with those four pillars as a foundation, you set yourself up for success.

It wouldn’t surprise a single person that knows me to find out the first real thing I do in my new home is cook a meal. Next to spending an entire day binging reality dating shows, cooking is what feels most natural to me. Taking a bunch of individual ingredients and transforming them into a completely new, separate product is about as close to real magic as I’ll ever get in this world. And there’s something meditative about the process. When I’m cooking, my mind isn’t on the ex boyfriend who left me or the uncertainty of my future in a new place where I don’t know a single person. All my attention is focused on slicing these tomatoes at a uniform width so they cook through evenly on top of the focaccia halves I’ve prepared with extra virgin olive oil and diced garlic. I arrange the tomato slices on the bread, alternating between colors to create a stunning visual. I pop the topped focaccia halves in the oven for the ensemble to bake through for about 10 minutes before taking them out and laying circles of mozzarella on top of the composition. I switch the oven to broil and back inside go my little toasts. I allow the broiler to melt the mozzarella and then some until I see a spattering of tiny burnt sienna leopard spots form on the surface before I remove them and drizzle with the bright and herbaceous pesto. Normally, I’d like to make my own sauces, but given my circumstances and limited kitchen accoutrement, I make do. I finish it all with a bit of fresh cracked pepper and a sprinkle of parmesan before I head outside to enjoy the first meal in my new home.

The old owners left a slightly rusted wrought iron patio set in the backyard and the night is warm and quiet, so it’s as good a place as any for me to eat. The chairs aren’t very comfortable and the table is a bit wobbly, but it works. I make a mental note to look up DIY wrought iron restoration projects for inspiration. I’ll have plenty of time for projects like that while I’m getting my footing in Loveland. Oh god, I’m going to become one of those girls whose life revolves around her “projects.” Maybe I’ll make an Instagram account where I document all my before and after photos. My dad has been getting on to me about establishing a secondary income stream now that I’m a homeowner. 

But for now, I just want to enjoy my dinner and the satisfaction of finally being in my new place. My little caprese-focaccia pizza thing came out beautifully, but I think next time instead of pesto, It'd be better topped with fresh arugula and a drizzling of balsamic reduction to cut the richness of the cheese. I’m taking a sip of wine when a quick spark catches my eye. Then another– then another… Fireflies! Having a house that backs up to a creek means I’m located smack dab in the middle of their breeding grounds. I can’t help but smile as more and more luminescent flashes dance around the yard. It’s beautiful. I can’t even remember the last time I saw fireflies in the city. Sometimes you can spot them in the parks, but I read at some point that their numbers are rapidly declining due to habitat loss. But out here, there’s plenty of them bouncing around my yard and creating a veritable light show just for me. Maybe cooking isn’t the only magic left in the world. Maybe there’s more.

I take a sip of wine and breathe. I feel the tension ease from my body and think for the first time in many years, I am exactly where I am supposed to be. 

But that comfort is short-lived. I hear a rustling in that dark that indicates I am not alone. I hear the splash of water– whatever it is, it’s somewhere down by the creek. It could be a raccoon, but my gut is telling me it must be something bigger to make that noise. Are there bears in Ohio? Or mountain lions? Surely if there are, they wouldn’t be traipsing around the suburbs, right? And would a wild animal be any more or less dangerous than the alternative– a stranger? 

“Hello?” I ask the darkness. “Is somebody out there?” 

I can feel my pulse quicken all the way up in my ears. Whatever– or whoever– is out there has triggered my somatic system into high alert. All the tension that had previously melted from my body is slowly building back up. My gut is telling me to go inside, but I can’t move. I argue with my intuition internally– 

Surely you’re just being paranoid! Am I paranoid or is this the beginning of a new true crime docu-series where the Big City Lady gets hacked to death in Ohio because she doesn’t take the dangers of the midwest seriously.  Okay, well that is a bit macabre, don’t you think?  Macabre or realistic– remember that show about Jeffrey Dahmer? He killed people in Ohio! Jeffrey Dahmer only killed men.  Girl. Don’t make excuses for Jeffrey Dahmer. I may be the voice inside your head, but even I know that’s crazy. You… may have a point there. 

I hear another rustle and the splash of moving water again and the voice inside my head turns into a screaming alarm. Adrenaline shoots through my body and I gather the remnants of my meal and book it back inside, locking the back patio door behind me. I may just be a paranoid idiot freaking out over the harmless presence of the native fauna of the Great State of Ohio, but I don’t really care at the moment. As a woman in my 30s, I know the value of being safe rather than sorry. Hell, a woman of any age should understand it. You feel that lurch in your stomach, you get the fuck out of there. No time for questions, no doubts– you simply have to get your ass up and away before you have the time to really find out.

So instead of beating myself up wondering if I should give the Mystery Lurker a chance to prove they’re harmless, I clean up my dishes, pour another glass of wine, and double check that all my doors and windows are secure. Then after I wash my face, brush my teeth, and change into my nightgown, I tuck into my brand new bed, pull out my phone, and browse dog listings from the local animal shelter for a bit to distract myself from whatever spooked me out there. Thankfully, the bed is very comfortable and the events of the day were sufficiently taxing, so when I feel my eyes grow heavy, I log off and plug my phone in to recharge through the night. I close my eyes and fall asleep in no time at all, comforted by the protection of my new home. 

At least, for now.

[del-stars]

People need to understand that just because Regulus ended up betraying Voldemort, that does not excuse his actions and the fact that he was a racist piece of shit. He betrayed Voldemort because Voldemort wasn’t holding up to his end of the bargain. In fact, if anything, Voldemort betrayed Regulus first. Just because Regulus got upset and decided to do his little teenage wizard angst arc does not excuse the fact that he was a racist, f@cist, pure blood supremacist who does not deserve redemption.

this is so funny to me because i am.... not a regulus defense blog? i don't really post often about regulus (outside of my wip, which is an au and thus has nothing to do with anything you've just said). i think there's a anti regulus/jegulus anon who's been blindly sending hate as you clearly haven't scrolled through my blog but as i've been sick in bed for three days now and am thus bored out of my mind, let's write an essay :)

re: regulus being a DE, i quite literally do not disagree with you. regulus, to me, is at his most compelling when we consider all aspects of his canon storyline, including the fact that he worshipped voldemort. i find it really bland when he gets given sirius' storyline or is reduced to "my parents forced me to do this" because we know (again, canonically) that they didn't. it's interesting to have a character who made mistakes, and (considering my self-proclaimed bias in favor of all things sirius black) it's really just boring to remove all nuance from his and sirius' stories to just make them essentially identical.

in regard to voldemort betraying regulus first, i'm actually laughing because i have a big rant about this that i saved in my drafts last night wherein i, once again, do not disagree with you. the tl;dr of that was regulus probably felt betrayed upon discovering that voldemort was a half-blood (looove to imagine this was what he meant by 'your secret') who had disrespected what he considered his personal property. regulus, who had been forced to be #2 his entire life, was operating under someone he considered fundamentally less than, which he deemed unacceptable. again, we will literally never know the truth on this, because we're given such little detail in canon, so people can go whichever way they want.

but, in his defense, he was sixteen. apologies to all my sixteen year old followers, but your brain is quite literally not formed. you're in no place to make informed decisions about anything. and, if you've lived an incredibly sheltered life in which you've constantly seen someone physically abused and belittled, and then you're told "as long as you don't act like him, you won't end up like that," you're probably ripe for manipulation and radicalisation. regulus was heralded as the perfect son for being in slytherin and being a pureblood supremacist, and he knew the danger of disobeying his parents. so, yeah, he probably took it a little too far.

does this mean regulus was right in what he did? well, no. did he do the right thing in the end? maybe/kinda. did he die a misguided, sheltered child, and thus we have no real perception of the choices he would've made were he an informed human being? yes.

i think calling him a racist/f@cist is a very.... interesting choice, but i'll save that essay for another day. i don't think those terms are things we should be throwing around in fandom.

to conclude, i offer one sage piece of advice: touch grass. take an internet break. go for a walk. he isn't real. he's made-up. all of this is. you don't need to interact with it if you don't want to. scroll. block the tag. again, i hold some relatively controversial regulus opinions myself, but i happily scroll on when i see things i don't agree with. policing the marauders fandom is a slippery slope. you can think regulus stans are annoying/incorrect, but you cannot tell them to stop theorising on a character, because that is what this fandom is built on. if we stop encouraging one another to brainstorm about new characters, this fandom is going to become a very boring place to be.

[mirror-to-the-past]

So.... I bolted to the finish line of Dream Drop as I had nothing else to do today.

I am still collecting many thoughts, sentiments, attempts at analysis, etc, as I always do, but this game just had a lot to offer so I'm still weeding through the freshly tilled flowerbed that is my brain at the moment. Holy mother of run-on sentences (you're gonna see a lot of those).

First off, I wanna thank this game for doing so much for Sora and Riku's characters. The inverse development they had through the course of the plot was really interesting to follow, actually, and none of it's out of nowhere!

Since KH1, Sora's had the repression subplot and embracing the strength of others as his own. Here, he tried to do the same, but with everything that's happened to him since, all of which he doesn't even necessarily remember, and all of the emotions and memories he's been touched with and made more and more aware of- he's on shaky ground and the same ol' methods don't fit like they used to! Understandable! And Xehanort/13 Darkness gang just feeds into that. He expands on Sora's questioning of his identity, suggests the lack of validity of his emotions. Everything that could be used to describe Sora in a positive light in wake of what's happened to him, he finds a negative spin on it to really dig at Sora's core:

'You're confused about the direction your life has taken? Hm, wonder how much of you is even real. Your emotions? Memories? Could be fabrications. Or someone else's. Who knows...'

'Your heart is a refuge for lost souls, hoping to find a new future? Nah, screw that. Your heart's a prison. Your very existence binds people, Sora. And of course, you just love holding people back.'

'Aw, you follow where your heart leads? Cute. People's feelings have never led them astray before, huh? Why don't you just keep being a precious little idiot though, it works great for us.'

Xigbar particularly, was brutal as always. Loved the scenes with him and Sora in The World that Never Was. So well crafted. He towers over him, gets all up in Sora's business and you can see how uncomfortable Sora is. He pokes directly at Sora's two biggest insecurities:

Weakness; being incapable and helpless.

Not being wanted/needed, or dragging others down.

He goes on his whole spiel where he specifically highlights how Sora's pretty much leftovers. He acts like he's a good for nothing- "As if the Keyblade would choose a wimp like you." And childish for simply feeling the pain of others: "Oh... thank you, Sora's heart, for pushing him right into our clutches. Aren't hearts great? Steer us wrong every time." (Love that line) And Sora figures out that Nobodies have the capability of essentially learning to gain their own heart (CALLED IT, YES- BUT ALSO 😭 you poor guys. I think every party that could have benefitted either didn't care or didn't figure it out.), only to be further disparaged by Xemnas essentially being like 'Yeah, and then they got manipulated anyway, hah. Just like you.' Just two grown ass men bullying and gaslighting a teenage boy to heighten his insecurities. Because "possession" just seems to be a symbol for one losing themselves.

Xehanort as a character just gives those vibes of an individual who takes, takes, and breaks someone down until they don't feel like themselves anymore, becoming an extension of their manipulator. He preys upon vulnerability and lack of self assurance and it's so good, hah. So, that's the reading I find most appropriate for his thematic relevance, in relation to KH's continuous crisis of what makes up an identity. I mean, just look at how Xehanort describes the others they were considering as a dark vessel- Riku's "immune to the darkness," in other words, immune to obfuscation/has more solid connections. Roxas was considered as too driven, assured in his place in Sora's heart when he forged his own trial-by-fire path. Both people that came to peace with themselves and what they wanted through hardship, one way or another. Now, I'm not saying Sora hasn't felt hardship, but when your theme is "repression," he's up against amnesia, feelings of others encroaching on his own, and a lack of self evaluation. He has more of himself in others, at the moment, and that's leaving him vulnerable.

So, you can only imagine how Sora feels at the game's conclusion, denied a rank of Keyblade Master, those words lingering in his mind as one of the most recent things he's heard, near death(?) experience, and Sora had been filled in I'm sure on how Riku was endangering himself for Sora's sake. I'm sure he feels super great about all that.

(His "What do you want me to see?!" line after Roxas disappeared... haha... I'm well.)

Meanwhile, Riku. His whole arc was the polar opposite! By the end of this game, he was the most self assured than we've seen him the whole series! 🎉 Hooray! At least someone gets to be happy! :'D

But for real, *wow.* Personal quip, I doubt I need to go heavily into the queer connotations of Riku's journey to easier vulnerability and self acceptance, especially in this game, because I'm sure anyone who takes time to read this can probably see it, but wow. The way he learned to change his reflexes and actions throughout the course of the story in a number of small, meaningful ways was so sweet. It was cheesy, sure, but him openly laughing with the other teens in Traverse Town. Him admitting to the nature of his insecurities to help another, and then getting comforted by Esmeralda in return, who assured him it was understandable to have walls around his heart/keep parts of himself separate from the world when he was still unsure and figuring out his feelings (lines that drive me crazy, 2023). Him rolling his eyes at the "All for one and one for all," motto before reflecting on Sora's openness and inclusion, and deciding to give it a try, himself. So many little things where he learned to laugh and reminisce freely and it reminded me of the snippet of how he was when he was younger in BBS, which, speaking of- all those steps towards healthiness made it so that throughout the entire game, unlike CoM, where he fought in darkness with self hate, and Days, where he lost himself completely, he never battled with notable levels of internal darkness to try to win anything. He found his strength to protect the things that matter, like he always wanted, by being himself, unapologetically.

...I wish I played this game in middle school or something. Alas.

(Also Riku Dream Eater theory was a go, boys! Also like how there was no explanation other than *X. Heartless voice* "Yes adopted son of darkness, you were down so bad you changed species to protect Sora from bad dreams as soon as you subconsciously felt suspicious vibes." And that's all we're gonna fucking get, so deal with it *mic drop*. 😂 Was pleasantly surprised Sora's clothes were also plot relevant, and I feel better about disliking them now. They branded him, eugh.)

Speaking of being yourself, but perhaps being too many of yourselves, in this case, here's my obligatory "cries at the endgame" sentiments. This one was less hype than the others, but punched me directly in the heart instead. Oh. My. GOD? That whole sequence of Riku diving into Sora's heart (with all of his memories floating past? Lord I'd be so embarrassed if I was ever in such a situation- it's so personal, y'know?), entering its innermost reaches, answering the questions... holy guacamole guys I think I left a part of me on those sunset beaches, there. That whole scene was a KH1 reference with the questions (I answered in terms of how I best thought Riku would answer), Riku and Xion's sitting placements on the Paopu tree (also Riku saw Xion as Sora *fist pumps in sad success*), and I'm almost *certain,* especially since it was right before "What are you most afraid of" that my theory of Riku overhearing the Sora&Kairi dock convo in the first game was valid. I mean, just look at the dude's face after staring out at the sunset. M'boy Riku looked downright melancholy and I trust KH microexpressions with my life. (And speaking of microexpressions, Sora's smile looked suspiciously forced when congratulating Riku on becoming a Master, poor fella. He was trying so hard to be a good sport about everything with that messy situation.)

Dream Drop Distance did so much with how we're finally having all of the separate plot points converge and it was so surprisingly satisfying. Sora seems to be picking up more about Naminé, he's aware of Xion and is trying to figure out who she is. Roxas seems to be losing himself or doubting who he is outside Sora and aaaahh?? No?! My beautiful boy, don't do this, we'll get you out! I miss Axel, but we've got Lea, who keeps getting deadnamed (he got chosen as a Wielder by the universe for his troubles). I want to see more of Ienzo, he endears me, especially when he's told "shut up nerd" by Lea. Foreshadowing about Ventus (when he smiled upon feeling Sora's happiness with the Dream Eaters post-credits, something got me in my core about imagining Ventus experiencing all of Sora's joys and hurts while he grew up. I wonder if he'll feel any affection for Sora's friends as if they were his own, as well.). We finally got Ansem's data he implanted within Sora. Kairi is being brought back into the plot since KH2!! HYPE! *On my hands and knees*

Anyway this game was good. I probably have more to say because there was just so much but yeah.

Edit: Almost forgot the thing I groaned at my TV for earlier! ^_^

*ahem*

They composed a Heartsong and each of their hearts play a piece of a Duet version of Dearly Beloved, which is the Title Theme for the Entire Franchise, and Definitely Doesn't have any romantic connotations as a phrase or anything. Also they Definitely do not have a Two-Part-One-Whole Keyblade that isn't (so far, I'll catch up) explained, and is a phenomena not previously noted throughout the games, that has a Paopu Fruit hanging off the end.

Man, all this stuff tuckers an epic gamer out. Think I'll go replay Hades, Stardew Valley, Undertale/Deltarune as a break, considerably less gay games. (Har, har)

[kurtmustdie]

caught up with cringetober because I literally forgot to do it, individuals and explanations under cut

Day 1: Heterochromia I’ve come to the revaluation that my sona is already cringe as hell considering not only can his entire body change color but he also has differently colored eyes as a staple of his design. They’re usually yellow and blue but this time I color picked the blue from the trans flag and the mint from the Vincian flag for this color palette, it turned out really pretty :)

Day 2: Self Insert Now she isn’t my self insert anymore, but back in the day when I was at “peak cringe” she definitely was. This is my warriors OC Icypelt and I have a post going over part of her story on my profile somewhere. She’s been through a lot and I think her modern design is very pretty :)

Day 3: Unnecessarily complex fit/design Spider scene is kinda infamous in my brain for having wayyy too much detail but I love them and I think this might be my favorite one out of this batch, super cute, the pose is really cute and the colors are nice and fits her really well :D

day 4: Angel x Devil inevitable MCR reference ik, Helena and Revenge, love them dearly. Poor revenge man this one is cute and looks like a sticker!!

Day 6 (I skipped day 5 because I didn’t want to open up ms paint today): neko i kinda hate this one but cat Gerard yay

Day 7: Pinterest base at first I wanted to draw hobie in place of Gwen but I remembered that I haven’t really drawn Mikey with her even though they’re supposed to be friends so I drew her instead. Idk. The height difference is not accurate because of that but Jumping Spider is small because he’s based on a jumping spider and those are tiny who would have thought

Day 8: tumblr sexyman i have never played undertale a day in my life i just know a lot of people wanted to jump sans’ bones

day 9: Crossover ship/rarepair OH BOY THIS ONE GOES KIND OF HARD AND IM EMBARRASSED ABOUT IT BECAUSE THEY KIND OF WORK FOR EACH OTHER UM MIGUEL OHARA X CLOTTED CREAM COOKIE IM INSANE OMG-

day 10: fursona i already have a fursona I already drew and yes I colorpicked from the lesbian flag how could you tell /j

Day 11: Yandere LYLA is technically canonically a yandere because spoiler alert she tried to kill Miguel’s fiancé via overheating her in the shower (essentially literally boiling her like a lobster) because she was “in love” with him (she said if she did have autonomy and had feelings the would be in love with him but she doesn’t but idk who knows I don’t).

day 12: niche interest ik MCR isn’t exactly “niche” but the black parades story in particular has always caught my interest and I have my own interpretation of it and a whole kind of story I’m still developing and character arcs and headcanons and interactions and yeah you get it, death in particular has evolved into god knows an OC on his own I just keep him attached to MCR because… it makes more sense that way, ig-

day 13: creepypasta does this count- whatever grimdark is just the same thing as a creepypasta- I’m not really in the MLP fandom anymore but it was my first ever “fandom” I was actually apart of. My first hyperfixation if you will. I wasn’t in the grimdark part of the fandom because I was too young for it but I was actually watching the izzzyzzz grimdark video and I was like “oh” and drew a rainbow factory Rainbowdash. Honestly I should draw ponies more they’re fun to draw

Day 14: candygore (?) im not good at drawing candygore and since I was rushing this o didn’t do it as well as I thought I can, but it still turned out pretty cool

Day 15: song lyrics aaaa inevitable hesitant alien drawing this one turned out so cute!! The colors and the sparkle eek so cute aaa action cat lyrics I’m breaking down right in front of you I’m sorry

planning on doing the rest of the month now, maybe not exactly on time since I’m still in school but I’ll try to get 31 drawings out by Halloween. Love the idea of cringetober because I just love all things cringe. Ack this is so good

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

i have this silly little undeveloped au in my brain that's just like. tedependent but it's the sarah jane adventures. sort of. not literally in the doctor who universe necessarily but like. local intrepid reporter trent crimm investigating weird shit except the local neighborhood kids will not leave him alone.

i have so many thoughts about this but none of them are coherent enough for a proper fic i think:

i just think trent being good with kids, generally. go mentor figure trent! (what this has nothing to do with my thesis what do you mean)

trent, like sarah jane pre-series, having a sort of reputation in the neighborhood (or in general, since i'm also incorporating his actual canon vibes/story) as to being standoffish, aloof, cold, etc., and generally anti-social, keeping to himself. and as the kids keep dragging him into things kicking and screaming he might also be dragged kicking and screaming into a community <3

if his daughter is essentially luke does that mean he adopted her under Strange Alien-Related Circumstances? absolutely it does, yes.

see i've got two great ideas for ted/tedependent. on one hand, although in the context of SJA/nuwho i'm not so much one for sarah jane and the doctor as a Thing, ted playing the role of like. someone from trent's Mysterious Past who he won't talk about who set him on this path? someone who was kind and wonderful and changed his life but then--at least it feels like to him--abandoned him? someone who made him a better person--from doing whatever journalism he used to do to this--someone who he's still kinda in love with... but trent can no longer even really talk to......until he shows up again? that's some good shit, not gonna lie. although i'm jimmying that into a happy ending somehow, goddamn it.

ALTERNATIVELY. henry being one of the Neighborhood Kids (as if we're using "canon" kids, we've got limited options) and ted being an oblivious parent. trent is trying to get these kids to STOP POKING INTO DANGEROUS ALIEN NONSENSE PLEASE THIS IS HIS JOB PLEASE STOP BREAKING INTO HIS HOUSE but they're stubborn and smart and they may or may not have saved his life once or twice and oh GOD THIS IS SO IRRESPONSIBLE but he can't just TELL THESE RANDOM NEIGHBORS about ALIENS. but like anyway this just painful secret identity-esque nonsense where ted knows henry's taken a shine to that nice journalist down the street and his daughter but does NOT know that henry is getting into Shenanigans(TM). this could lead into all sorts of drama about, you know, his kid being in danger... or, alternatively, ted has worked with some unit/torchwood-esque place before and is like OHH you know what? this explains that time i thought i heard you speaking an alien language. cool, cool. and trents like. .....WHAT

etc. i'm not wording this well but i think you get the idea.

if you really really wanted to make it complicated you could do both, considering the doctor's whole thing--either a fob watch or a regeneration--but honestly, i don't want to do that, so i won't

some of the adults do definitely get involved though. keeley either clocks that shit right away or thinks she's clocked it but she's actually clocked something entirely different. she's like i know you're mi6 babe ;) and he. is not. meanwhile roy having ten freakouts in a row and then being like nvm i'm fine with this. (is not fine with this, but will be eventually). jamies like yeah aliens. everyone knows about those. and they're like what?? no they dont?? and so on.

is beard an alien? genuinely no one's sure. he's not telling.

HOLD ON can i give trent k-9???? can trent crimm get a robot dog?????? yes please i think he deserves a robot dog

also see the trickster episodes? bet you could do something real fucked up with those.

i feel like i had more when i started this post but i don't remember

this not well thought out at all and i have no idea where everyone would fit in

anyway my point is. trent crimm, intrepid journalist, running around trying to stop alien shenanigans while Those Meddling Kids keep following him around. trent crimm doin a little Breaking And Entering. scooby doo shit. and he has such an interesting mix of seeming suave and badass and then immediately doing something embarrassing. trent crimm--via shenanigans and also Those Meddling Kids dragging him into their lives (aka he tries to keep his distance SO badly and only is involved when dangerous shit is going down but like then it's all. child knocking on his door like IT'S AN EMERGENCY OPEN UP and hes like WHAT WHAT IS IT and theyre like can you help me with my homework :( and hes like. fuck. yeah fine what do you want help with. (some subjects he's very helpful on others he's VERY not) until they're like okay but you're coming to this bbq right. and he's like? no? and they're like you're coming to this bbq right. and so on) ANYWAY the point is they keep dragging him into their lives and now oops! trent actually knows his neighbors and has to go through the mortifying ordeal of being known. but that also means that when he gets badly hurt or sick he's used to the empty hospital room but now he actually gets people showing up and forcing baked goods on him and shit and i'm just feeling a lot of things about this extremely hypothetical au based on my already existing feelings about trent gaining a community in s3/post-canon,

wait does this mean trent gets sonic lipstick? HELL YEAH IT DOES

[queenofcats17]

So, I banged this out while I was bored in class and refined it here. Hope y’all like it! I am so normal about these peepaws. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bubby was taking the whole “living in a video game” thing better than Coomer had.

He’d been angry at the knowledge that his whole world was just a game and that Gordon was essentially god, but after a bit he’d been over it the whole thing, preferring to just move on and enjoy his new life outside of Half-Life.

“I must admit, I am rather curious, Bubby dear,” Coomer said as he and Bubby sat on their back porch. “Why are you so alright with this?”

A part of him couldn’t help but be jealous. When he had learned the truth, he had lost himself, lashing out against everyone and attempting to hurt Gordon. He still felt guilty about that, even now, even after Gordon had assured him that it was alright and no one held any ill will toward him.

Why did Bubby get to be so calm?

“I already had my existential crisis,” Bubby answered. “They don’t get another one out of me.”

For a moment, Coomer wasn’t sure what Bubby meant. Very quickly, though, his brain filled in the details, and he smiled softly. Although he knew the memory was more than likely false, it was still one he held dear.

The existential crisis Bubby was referring to was the one he had had 30 years before. Bubby had been fresh out of his tube back then, still getting used to the world and the expectations the other scientists had had for him as the perfect scientist.

One thing Bubby had noticed right away was that his coworkers didn’t treat him like a person. They were only ever interested in his scientific thoughts. Outside of the lab and his work, he’d been treated as something less than human, not entitled to the same rights as ordinary human scientists. The security guards had been nice to him, at least, but even they hadn’t seemed to consider him entirely human.

He’d ended up breaking down in front of his new friend, Doctor Harold Coomer. Bubby had been incredibly embarrassed afterward since he and Coomer had barely known each other for a month at that point. But Coomer had felt like...a safe person to talk to. After all, Coomer had been the one to insist they were going to be friends.

“Am I even a real person?!” Bubby had yelled, pulling at his hair as he slumped with his back against the cabinet. “Do I even count as a person?!”

Coomer still remembered what he’d said, even now. “Maybe you aren’t an ordinary person, and maybe you aren’t human, but your thoughts and feelings are as real as anyone else’s. You matter, and you’re real to me. Please don’t forget that.”

Bubby had echoed those words back to Coomer one night when Coomer had been having a particularly existential breakdown.

“Maybe we’re not as real as Gordon, but who cares?! We’re real to each other, aren’t we? We have thoughts and feelings and lives. And anyone who says we’re not real people can go fuck themselves!” He’d taken Coomer’s hand in his, his expression and voice softening. “You’re real to me, Harold. Never forget that.”

Coomer’s expression had softened in return. “I won’t, Bubby. I won’t.”

Which led them to where they were now, sitting on the back porch of their Sims house, watching the sunset.

“It is quite a beautiful sunset, isn’t it?” Coomer remarked, resting his head on Bubby’s shoulder.

“It is,” Bubby agreed.

“I’m glad I get to experience this with you.” Coomer’s hand found Bubby’s and he squeezed it.

Bubby squeezed back. “Me too.”

They sat there in silence for a long time, just watching as the sun crept below the horizon.

“Thank you,” Coomer finally said.

“For what?” Bubby looked a bit confused. Of course he was being thanked, he was awesome! But...what was the specific reason?

“For keeping me grounded,” Coomer replied. “For reminding me that if I feel I’m real, I am.”

“Oh! Well, you’re very welcome,” Bubby said. “That existential bullshit can kiss my ass. I’m real because I think I am. So there!”

Coomer laughed, leaning more against Bubby. “Oh, I adore the way your mind works, darling!”

“Damn straight!” Bubby puffed up at the praise. “My mind is fucking amazing!”

“It certainly is,” Coomer agreed. “It certainly is.”

He was so lucky to have such a wonderful person in his life. He very much looked forward to all the days he would spend with Bubby in the future.

He was sure they would be just as wonderful as this one.

[squaregoals]

An Anomaly Abolished my Autonomy

A Future Donnie (Rottmnt) drabble 🟪🐢

It was early in the morning when the reports displayed around Donnie started blurring, and it was only when his head started falling forward that he realized such. 

Snapping his head up while he blinked and rubbed his eyes, he took in the fact that he'd been staring at the same scout's report for the past twenty minutes.

Sighing, Donnie stretched in his chair before falling back in a slump. Someone could lecture him about poor posture later, right now all he wanted was to fully turn his brain off and relax.

And just for a moment, Donnie entertained such a thought.

Until it was interrupted by a whirring of one of his scanners springing to life in the corner.

No one else was in the lab with him.

With yet another sigh, he pushed off his desk. He wheeled his chair over to said machine to take a look, blearily blinking at it as it finished it's job. 

Sightings of a raiding party were being reported around one of his occupied safehouses, not too far from the harbor. 

The harbor which was currently being occupied by the Krang.

"That situation should resolve itself," Donnie remarked to himself with a low chuckle as he wheeled back over to try and finish picking through the reports he had been falling asleep to.

After some effort, he did indeed finish what he had and catalogued the necessary data.

Yawning, he slowly rose to his feet. 

Almost instantly he had a hand back on the desk for support, as every bone in his body protested and flared up from such a movement.

Punishing him for both sitting at a bad angle, and for not having slept well or long for days on end.

Hissing and pushing through the pain, he shuffled over to a coffee pot he had on a hot plate. Getting his mug, he went to pour… only to be met with nothing coming out. This had him remembering, vaguely, that he had finished the last of the liquid hours ago.

Donnie just stared blankly at the pot and mug for a good solid minute, before he groaned and weighed his options. He could either:

A) Go make another pot, but risk running into one of his family. Who would undoubtedly make him go to sleep, whether by coercion or force.

B) Drug himself, which would be effective but have major drawbacks later on. Or potentially immediately.

Or

C) Go without anything, and continue to work knowing he'd eventually pass out in his chair or on the floor.

The choice to just go to his room and rest never crossed his hazy mind.

It actually took him real time to consider, the thoughts mushing their way through the slush of his brain before he could come to a decision. Donnie wasn't certain he could administer the drugs right, and there was no way he would let himself pass out.

He was still a ninja, so he reasoned he could avoid anyone he needed to so long as he focused. And besides, he controlled the cameras in the base. So it's not like anyone would spy him through those.

"Well then, onwards. To victory." he cheered to himself with barely-there enthusiasm, raising the coffee pot almost in a toast before carefully making his way out of the lab.

The halls were blissfully quiet, which made sense for how early in the morning it was. It hadn't even hit daybreak yet, and dawn was hours off yet. It was relatively peaceful, only broken by the usual humming of the low lighting and occasional conversation between guards that manned the exits.

He took care to avoid their lines of sights, and if they noticed him as he passed they didn't say anything to acknowledge him. Unsurprising if so, because they all have seemed to learn not to question his or his brother's antics.

Eventually he made it to the makeshift break room that held the coffee machine he had monopoly over. It used to be in his lab, but after the Incident™ he had to keep it in a place where he actually had to make an effort to make a new pot.

Grumbling to himself for not the first time about misunderstandings and how it was unfair he was being essentially grounded, he started the simple process of making another pot.

He stepped back after he was done setting up and leaned against a nearby counter with his arms crossed. He watched as the slow drip of the coffee started to fall into the pot. The aromas soothed him, as did the sound.

Drip

Drip

Drip

Donnie zoned out, marveling that he could do so with no emergency alerts appearing on his tech to interrupt.

~

That was short-lived, as about halfway through with filling the pot such an alert did pop up on his visor. 

He closed his eyes and took a sharp inhale followed by a long exhale to center himself. Exhausted eyes opened back up, as he looked over the alert. 

One of his scouts had spotted a Krang supply truck that had extremely light security and was asking if she could sabotage it. 

Donnie narrowed his eyes in thought as he tried to remember this particular scout's skill sets. She was incredibly stealthy and light on her feet, so if the worst came down to it he was confident she could simply melt into her surroundings. With where she was, it would be child's play.

After not too long, he nodded to the empty room and sent his orders to proceed back. Donnie mused to himself for a little longer as he considered sending her and another on an infiltration mission if this went well.

He was so lost in thought that he almost missed the coffee machine beeping.

Crap!

He had, in his exhaustion, failed to remember to turn off the buzzer that announced it's completion. Donnie jumped to silence it, then swiftly grabbed the pot and started to dash back to his lab. He hoped that no one had heard it go off. Especially not April, who had just got back yesterday and had already been on his case twice about actually taking care of himself.

"Taking care of myself? I am taking care of myself just fine," he murmured to himself as he reached and then ducked into his lab. 

The doors swished shut behind him, and he set the now-full pot back on the hot plate. 

He now successfully poured himself a mug full of coffee, and sighed this time in relief as he took a slow drink. Holding the mug in both hands, he happened to catch sight of himself in the reflection of the dark liquid's surface.

Donnie just stared at himself, before promptly ignoring how bad he looked and went back to what he needed to do. Mechanical arms sprung up around him, grabbing the necessary tools as he just calmly continued to drink.

He was finished with it by the time he reached his lab bench, setting the mug off to the side. As his fleshy hands joined the mechanical ones, he allowed himself a brief moment to reflect on what his life had turned into. Not of his own volition, but because the whole world went tits up and for some reason he and his clan's stupid need to be helpful heroes rocketed them into leading an entire underground rebellion against their alien overlords.

Donnie closed his eyes, fists resting against the lab table as he felt the weight of everything crushing up against him.

It was overwhelming, and he forced himself to breathe.

When he got it under control his eyes snapped back open, the feeling having passed. 

Or, at least, that's what he told himself.

After all, he surmised, there was no time for a pity party with all the tasks he needed to get done. His life was hardly his own, hadn't been for years. This was fact, and one no one had to speak it out loud.

They were all in the same boat.

There was no room for failure.

So Donnie got back to work.

--------

A/N: this is a small moment in the night/morning with my Future Donnie from a large work I have going on. Hopefully I'll get the time to wrangle it all into actually posting it. But, for now, you'll get some glimpses here and there in my warm-up drabbles here on Tumblr.

💜