#but�� I admit that is indeed a little disappointing to see how completely ignored some parts of his characters are.

[bloobydabloob]

Holy shit I love your Dirk interpretations, it's so true and I could talk about this shit forever. I feel like another part of his character that people seem to forget (along with Roxy for some reason) is that he's from the future in solitude in an apocalyptic wasteland. I just see that part of his character always removed which is disappointing because I feel like that's a pretty big part, especially regarding his themes around technology, his brother's theme of Time, his own isolation, and how he plays in the vastness of the universe and spacetime.

Art I drew related to the subject because I like to respond to asks with art.

But absolutely. I certainly understand where the lack of discussion over his isolation + upbringing comes from, considering a majority of the fanbase that I have seen builds their ideas based on their own version of postcanon. I’m not entirely sure how that would be fixed, but certainly even in the somewhat recent past I would see a lot more content regarding his upbringing both literally and symbolically. I don’t have much to add regarding the things you’ve mentioned, because they just are what they are. Dirk being confined to a singular room left to him by a father figure he never met, in a future where the only other person left on the planet is someone he cannot pursue a relationship of because of himself, with purely 3 robots to keep him companion, one being an exact replica of his own brain who is *also* trapped inside a pair of glasses, is about as literal as it gets to me.

The contrast to me involving the flooded, organic world in comparison to the little speckle of Dirk’s apartment packed with the dude and his technics is not only a representation of his isolation and entrapment within himself, but also of his lack of control. I think his obsession with & themes of control are a direct product in the case of Dirk specifically *of* this kind of upbringing. His themes of technology are also related to his themes around control. So much of his character is actually revolved around this to me like so much. Dirk is so deeply disconnected from humanity in every way and so much of his character + symbolism is based around that.

It doesn’t even have to be about the symbolism or anything though. It’s just pretty *interesting* in the literal sense that he lives in the middle of the ocean in the future. There’s not only a lot to theorise on to do with his young life there, but on how it might affect him in the way he acts for the rest of his life. The latter part is probably what I see mentioned the most by people talking about Dirk regarding this, I’m surprised I don’t see more discussion on the former too though. I really ought to actually talk more about Homestuck stuff on here. I will do it myself.

Roxy & Dirk’s relationship is largely ignored though because there is a narrative a certain demographic spreads that Dirk resented and blamed Roxy for her interest in him, and thus too many people believe that their relationship was or would continue to be an abusive one. Realistically, I believe it’s important to acknowledge that the way Roxy treated Dirk regarding his homosexuality wasn’t right while still acknowledging the obvious amount of respect and admiration Dirk had for Roxy. I mean we have a huge piece of dialogue from their post trickster mode conversations on the quest beds from Dirk purely stating how he feels about Roxy that people completely ignore somehow. I think this usually happens to characters that are women though. I know everyone says it, but it is true. Jane gets the exact same treatment of boiling her down to solely her negative aspects. The things I see completely mischaracterising both of them are horrific.

I mean how much more explicit can it get that their relationship is obviously very important to Dirk? But I digress. I think the best or I should say “most interesting” interpretations of their relationship usually come from DirkRoxy shippers actually.

I would be interested to hear about Dirk’s relation to his brother’s theme of time though. I don’t have any thoughts on this and I don’t recall ever hearing anyone talk about it before. If you or anyone else would be willing to enlighten me I’d be thrilled.

[animeomegas]

Infertlie!Omega!Neji manages to become pregnant

Hello! Do you have any hc’s for what would happen if by some miracle Neji WAS able to become pregnant? Love ur stuff!! ❤️

(Hello! Ahh, I’m flattered! Hmm, if Neji was able to become pregnant… I have a few ideas. Enjoy~)

Warnings: miscarriage mention, suppressant abuse. 

Finding out:

He’s been taking a pregnancy test every month for 18 months by this point, and nothing.

You have been telling him that he may have to start thinking about what he wants to do if he can’t have pups.

Neji knows whose fault it is that he can’t conceive.

He struggles to walk through the Hyuuga compound sometimes, knowing it’s their fault that he’s like this. That he’s broken.

You deny any such things, but he knows he is. And he’s very bitter and upset about it.

But he won’t give up yet.

2 years. That was the time frame he had given himself. If he couldn’t conceive within two years, then… Well, he didn’t want to think about that.

One morning when he doesn’t have a mission, he gets up and heads to the bathroom, taking the test automatically.

The feelings of hope and anxiety have long since faded after too many disappointments.

So, he grabs the test, gives it a cursory glance and goes to throw it in the bin before he realises what the test says.

He lifts the test back up, hand shaking. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up, but he could have sworn it said…

Positive.

He’s holding a positive pregnancy test.

His heart is beating very fast now. Neji just stands there for a few moments, unsure what to do.

He ends up taking all the pregnancy tests in the bathroom, seven in total.

And all of them are positive.

He won’t ever admit it, but he did cry a little (a lot).

But quickly the joy begins to fade, and fear sets in.

He needs to be so careful.

He can’t lose this baby, he just can’t.

He needs to stop taking missions, he needs to eat better, he needs to go to the hospital-

He works himself into a little panic, and then panics more because he is so scared the stress will make his lose his baby.

At this point, he’s been in the bathroom for like half an hour, so you tentatively knock and ask if he’s okay.

Neji was clutching the sink in the bathroom, staring at his reflection in the mirror and desperately trying to calm down. He needed to calm down, but he just couldn’t. He distantly realised that he was letting out quiet panicked whines, calling for you to help him automatically.

And then he heard a knock on the door, you were here. He let out a louder whine to try and signal to you that he needed you there with him.

“Neji?” your voice was a little alarmed, you must have heard his whining. “Neji, what’s wrong? Can I come in?”

He heard the door handle shake as you tried to open it against the lock.

“Neji, please, open the door.”

“I’m pregnant.” He blurted.

The door handle stopped moving. He waited anxiously for you to say something, still struggling under the weight of the anxiety clawing at his chest.

“…Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” he swallowed heavily. “I took all the tests.”

“Let me in please, my love.”

This time, Neji follows your request automatically. The lock clicks open, and you immediately step in. Neji can feel your eyes scanning him before they flit over to the abundance of pregnancy tests lying innocently in the sink.

A smile slowly creeps its way onto your face.

“Oh, baby boy, come here,” you opened you arms for him and he immediately stepped into the embrace. His heart was finally starting to calm down, as he took deep breaths of your scent. He was safe, he didn’t have to worry, you would be here to make sure everything was alright.

“We’ll go down to the hospital tomorrow, alright? Get everything checked out, but I don’t…” you hesitated.

“You don’t what?” He knew what you were going to say. ‘I don’t want you to get your hopes up.’

You shook your head. “Nevermind, let’s just book the appointment. Would you rather go to the hospital or see one of the clan medics?”

Neji grimaced. “Hospital. I know it’s weird, but… I don’t want them to know yet.”

You rubbed a hand on his lower back. “We won’t tell anyone until you’re ready, I promise.”

 Pregnancy:

The hospital visit went as well as you could have hoped.

Neji was indeed pregnant, and everything was progressing well for the moment.

But, of course, there were some concerns.

Neji was given a gentle reminder that he was at a high risk for a miscarriage.

He was also told that a traditional birth would be too risky for him, and that he would have to have a c-section.

And, while the mednin couldn’t be sure yet, it was unlikely that he would be able to breastfeed.

Neji took all the information with a detached nod, acknowledging what was being said, but not reacting to it.

As a Hyuuga, he kept his emotions firmly pressed down in public. His scent and face were completely normal. Few would have been able to tell that something was wrong.

But the second he stepped into your house, he just sagged.

He claimed to be tired and went to lay down upstairs. You let him go, knowing that he wanted his own space to process,

But it was hard to smell his sour scent and not come running.

Things got better, however.

Once he was past three months, the chances of a miscarriage reduced hugely, and Neji was much happier.

He threw everything he could into looking after himself and preparing for the pup.

He stopped taking missions as soon as he found out he was pregnant and started to babyproof the house and make the nursery.

The nursery was very traditional. A rocking chair, a wooden crib, handmade blankets and toys.

It was beautiful and Neji was very protective of it. He wanted it to be perfect.

He was protective over the pup in general, as well.

He didn’t let anyone other than you put their hands on his tummy.

As far as the physical pregnancy, Neji had some troubles, but he pushed his way through them with no complaints.

He was most infuriated by his constant need to go to the toilet.

Pain he could deal with, but the constant inconvenience started to grind on his nerves.

He was also a little restless when he was left by himself. Without missions or training he didn’t know what to do with himself a lot of the time.

When you were home with him, he was fine, but he got bored by himself.

“No.”

You sighed, “Again? We’ve been shopping for hours, Neji.”

“Do you want to buy poor-quality blankets for our pup?” he huffed, placing another rejected blanket onto the shelf.

“What about this one?” you suggested, holding up a lovely, soft blanket.

Neji squinted at him, pulling the tag towards him to read. He pulled a face a dropped the blanket.

“No.”

“What’s wrong this time?”

“It’s part polyester. I don’t want polyester in the blankets and toys, I already told you this. Let’s try the next shop.”

You grimaced, feet already sore from all the walking. “Why don’t we just get some blankets and toys commissioned? We can afford it, and then they would be exactly what you want.”

Neji stopped, contemplative. “That’s… actually a good idea.”

“Well, you don’t have to sound so shocked.”

Yes,” Neji smiled, ignoring your complaints. “I want to do that. Let’s head to the stationary shop so I can get some materials to draw up some sketches.”

“The stationary shop?” you whined. “Can’t we just go home for today?”

“No, if I’m pregnant and I can do it, so can you.”

 Labour:

With a pre-planned c-section, Neji knew in advance when he would be going to the hospital for the procedure.

He had packed and re-packed his bag four times, just to be sure that he had everything he needed.

Neji was very calm, but it seemed to be because of the shock more than anything else.

He was escorted in, and prepared for the procedure, and exactly on time, he went in for his c-section.

You sat with him, only able to see him head as the rest of him was sectioned off with a screen. You were told not to stand until you had the signal.

You gently stroked Neji’s hair away from his face as the mednin worked. He was drowsy and disoriented. He blinked at you slowly.

“Is… everything going okay?” he whispered to you.

“I think so, baby. How are you feeling?”

“I feel strange…”

“I bet you do,” you laughed gently, pressing a kiss to his head. “Just try to relax, okay? I’m right here with you.”

The operation was exhausting, and Neji ended up being unable to do much for two months while he recovered, but the pup was healthy and Neji couldn’t be happier.

He spent hours every day in the rocking chair in the nursery cradling his pup.

Neji didn’t let anyone outside of you and some mednin meet the pup until she was three months old because he was so protective.

Neji would never be so tacky as to refer to his child as a ‘miracle child’, but sometimes, he can’t help but think it.

[writella]

Touch

Pairing: Luke Patterson x reader

Summary: Luke’s spirit is brought down by the pain he has caused his parents as well as the hardships that come from adoring you, a lifer. He craves your touch but his ghostly form keeps him from getting the thing he most desires to recieve.

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: First fic! Sorry that it's kind of long. I don’t know if this would be considered “angsty” but it is kind of sad in the beginning but trust me it becomes really sweet at the end!

Julie and the Phantoms was such a good show. I loved how the writers and Charlie showed that despite how positive Luke was, he was harboring a lot of pain inside when it came to how he left him mom that he didn’t show anyone. This piece touches on that point a little bit more. If you would like to leave a review, that would be super appreciated. I’m sure there are a bunch of grammar errors anyway.

-

Luke came to you after he left Julie at his parents house. He told you about the song to his mom, about how his parents still celebrated his birthday after all these years. He told you about the grief he felt and how he felt like he had no one. You told him that he had you, and Julie, and the guys most importantly, that you were sure they missed their family members too. He admitted to you though, that both Alex and Reggie avoided talking about their family, it was one of the only things that they weren’t being honest about with each other. He said he couldn’t be the one to bring it up.

“I’m the strong one!” He explained. “If I don’t push them forward, they’ll fall apart. I have to be happy, I have to be okay so they-“

“It’s okay not to be okay all the time, Luke,” You interrupt him, then you send him a sympathetic smile as you come to a realization: “I didn’t know you put all this pressure on yourself... I’m sorry. Come here,” without thinking you motion him forward, arms reaching to grasp his back, only catching handfuls of air.

Luke gives you an exasperated laugh, in the heat of it all, he almost forgot for a second himself.

“Well, this is a strange little relationship we have, isn’t it?” Tears swipe down his cheek.

“Luke...” you didn’t know how to respond, you cursed yourself for making the situation worse.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Or whenever. Alright?” His words were short as he forced a smile and disappeared from your sight.

You woke up from your haze and caught your eyes staring out the window, looking at the boy you were just thinking about. He sat on an old brown chair right next to the garage door. Julie took some down that hung from the garage ceiling a few nights ago for him. She said she got tired of seeing Luke crouching down on the concrete like a sad lost puppy.

“Why don’t you just stop avoiding him and finally go down there?” Julie sighs. “Maybe you’ll have better luck than me.”

“Than all of us.” Alex chimed in.

You were hesitant but as Julie pushed you to the door it seemed as if you had no choice.

“You’re our only hope.” Reggie said with a sad smile, echoing a quote from his favorite franchise.

As you walked toward Luke, his gaze on the night sky never faltered.

“You don’t have to say anything... Just want to be with you. Alright?” You said softly as you sat down on the chair next to him. You decided you were only going to keep him company, not dwell on what happened. You remembered what he said about always having to be the strong one, you guessed that’s what you were trying to do now.

He only slightly nodded, not wanting to look you in the eye. He was surprised you’d finally come. Everyone, Reggie, Alex, and Julie had come to sit with him from time to time, getting nothing out of him. He sort of wished you finally would show up but now that you’re here, he couldn’t say anything despite how much he wanted to. He tried to urge the words to his tongue but his apprehension kept them stuck inside his brain. He bounced his knee, his frustration as well as your closeness was getting to him.

He knew he shouldn’t have been ignoring you, you must’ve felt as bad as he did but he needed some time to think. Maybe just a day, he reasoned, just to go through the motions by himself and then wake up going back to his easy going self again the next morning. This is what he told himself, yes, but then a day became another, and then another.

It surprised him, how out of it he was. Usually, it was so easy for him to find the courage to remain optimistic but right now he just felt like a disappointment. He was usually able to thrive upon this fact, a 90s misfit, nowhere to go but up. He loved the idea that one day his band’s talent would shine so brightly everyone would have no choice but to see their beauty. And it didn’t come from anger, Luke was never a resentful person, it came from a place of purity. He wanted his music to make people feel connected; understood, just like it had for him. Or like it has for him up until now. He hadn't been able to play in days.

The bittersweet melody of Unsaid Emily became the mantra that invaded his brain this past week. Every time the song came to an end, his mind replayed the lyrics again, and again; an endless loop. And with that came the images of his parents, blowing out a birthday candle with misty tears in their eyes, thinking of their boy they believed they lost forever. And then there was you, of course. The prettiest girl he’d ever seen, who laughed at his confusing metaphors, and built him up when he was feeling down which was something he usually had to do for others. Ever since he met you, you were there for him in a way no one else had been. The thought almost relieved his pain. Could this truly be love? He had dated around before but never had he been in a real relationship. After finding the guys, the band was all he thought about, the only connection he felt he needed. Plus, he just had to prove to his mom that he could make it, and that took all of his attention. Another mistake, he thought.

Once again he revisits the memory of your arms going through him. Not only could he never apologize to his parents but he couldn’t even love one of the only people on Earth who could actually see him the way he wanted to. Never had he felt so completely helpless. He wanted you to know that he didn’t want to give up. He needed you to know that you were enough, but he was fearful to try anything despite how desperately he wanted touch. He even counted the ways he could do it in his head: perhaps he’d lightly stroke your knee, softly rub his thumb on your intertwined hands, maybe brush your hair behind your ear with his fingers lingering till he felt the last strand of hair slip away. Or maybe, just maybe, he’d even give you the softest kiss. One so pure and light, because while he was a ghost, he thought of you as an angel and he believed an angel deserved a touch just as delicate, but he couldn’t. He was dead.

It had been an hour of you two sitting in silence. You stared at him and sighed. You thought he was beautiful. You could go on endlessly about the physicality of that beauty but what really tugged on your heart was what was inside. His mind, his body, his soul, that was bound in optimism. You’d never seen anything like it. Right from when Julie met him, she told you, he put the realization of being dead, of being a ghost, behind him just to help her become a part of the music program again, giving her the words of encouragement, it’s a closed door, but you’ve gotta bust it open!

You felt terrible that you were a part of the reason why his spirit was currently crushed. You desperately wanted touch. You wanted him to know you were there for him but you knew words weren’t enough.

Screw it, you thought. You were going to try again and even if it didn’t work you were ready to tell him that you didn’t care, that seeing was all you needed to be with him. You wanted him to know that you weren’t giving up. You needed him to know that he was enough, fear wasn’t going to stop you.

You reached for his knee. Trying to touch the tips of his hand that laid there with yours, ready for the sensation of air to swoosh between your fingertips but then, just then, you... felt. First it was the tips of nails, then fingers, and as he turned his hand, eyes bulging wide, you felt his palm. You held it there for a second, soon sliding your palms together, you intertwined your fingers with his. You were actually holding hands.

Luke’s mouth went agape and you met his eyes, sharing the same look of disbelief. Seeing a tear roll down the right side of his face you realized your emotions mirrored his as one dripped down on the left side of yours. He wiped it away with his thumb, gripping your face a little more roughly than he intended to, the excitement apparent in his shaky hands.

He soon loosened his grip, now caressing your cheek, creating friction as he rubbed back and forth, replacing the chill of the night air on your skin with warmth. His fingers, then moved to your chin, then he poked your nose, brushed his fingertips against your eyelashes, till he finally rolled them against your lips, slowly. He couldn’t believe he felt you. The feeling was something even a dream couldn’t conjure up, something that even he couldn’t describe in a lovely song lyric; this was perfection; this was, indeed, love.

This revelation brought with it courage and with that he finally willed himself up off that chair and yanked your arm that was connected to your still intertwined hands with it and at once you became one with a hug. One so fierce and tight you couldn’t breath, his arms crushing your shoulders, his hands caressing your head, his fingers falling on the strands of your hair.

With one arm still around you, he moved one of his hands against your cheek once more, connecting his forehead to yours. You both relished in the closeness, breathing each other in.

“If I ever cross over, I bet this is what heaven feels like,” he said in a soft whisper, finally breaking the silence, but only adding to the moment’s loveliness. “I think you’re connected to my soul.”

-

-

-

Thank you for reading!

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

The shifting narrative of God’s interventism and how it reflects on the narrative on John

This post will ignore the issue authorial intent entirely because I can, but it’s also about authorial intent in a way, but I also don’t like to talk about things as happening “accidentally” because a) a serialized story like Supernatural, especially one that got renewed for much longer than anyone could possibly expect or hope in their wildest ambitions, structurally relies on serendipity, because that’s how stories work when they’re work in progress, b) a television show is an extremely multi-authored text and the chance that something happens out of the intent of any of the multiple layers of creators is kind of... statistically negligible. So, yeah, that’s my stance on the topic. Anyway.

The shifting narrative about God is simultaneously something that hangs on fortunate storytelling clicks on an essentially programmed narrative. At first, we don’t know where the fuck God is. Cas starts looking for him with little success. Raphael says he’s dead, Cas doesn’t believe it. Dean relates to his struggle because he knows the feeling of not knowing where the fuck your father is and going looking for him with little success, not knowing if he’s even alive. Then the theory that gets assumed as the truth is that God has left. He fucked off who knows where, who knows why, leaving his creation to struggle alone. Also essentially how Dean had felt after John had died; in that case there was guilt for his demon deal and everything, but the most cruel weight on Dean’s shoulder was that John left him alone to struggle with his devastatingly horrific instructions he doesn’t understand. The angels are also left with horrific instructions they don’t understand. No wonder Cas does his own ‘demon deal’ in season 6, as he desperately tries to do what he assumes his father wants from him, but he doesn’t actually know what that is.

“God has left” is maddening, and everyone is angry about it, but it has its own dignity. God has left us without clear instructions, we are confused and in pain and evil runs amock but at least, we suppose, the evil of it is our own doing. We are alone and we do our best, our best is simply not enough. We wish he gave us guidance, but he won’t. He wants us to figure it out ourselves, possibly. We don’t actually know what he wants. But maybe that’s the point. It’s possible he doesn’t even know what’s happening, he just has left the building entirely.

But then Chuck reveals himself. We find out that he never actually left. He was there. “I like front row seats. You know, I figured I’d hide out in plain sight”. He simply chooses not to intervene. He chooses not to answer. He chooses to be hands-off. He presents himself as a laissez-faire parent, because, he says, it’s better for his children to have the responsibility they need to grow up. He’s absent, but in a different way than we thought! It’s not that he doesn’t know what’s happening or isn’t interested in knowing what’s happening. He’s here, he knows what’s happening, he just stays there and watches as you stumble and struggle and scream. It’s worse, and it pains Dean so much he isn’t even afraid to yell at God. You know we’re suffering and you just don’t give us any support, any comfort.

You’re frustrated. I get it. Believe me, I was hands-on, real hands-on, for, wow, ages. I was so sure if I kept stepping in, teaching, punishing, that these beautiful creatures that I created... would grow up. But it only stayed the same. And I saw that I needed to step away and let my baby find its way. Being overinvolved is no longer parenting. It’s enabling.

But it didn’t get better.

Well, I’ve been mulling it over. And from where I sit, I think it has.

Well, from where I sit, it feels like you left us and you’re trying to justify it.

I know you had a complicated upbringing, Dean, but don’t confuse me with your dad.

At that point of the show, the writing team almost certainly didn’t have the s14-15 twist in mind. So this was probably intended to be Chuck’s truth. Later it gets twisted (retconned?) into a lie, but about that later.

Here, Chuck is really good at manipulating the conversation. Dean has a perfectly valid point, because there IS a middle ground between being overinvolved and not being involved at all. There is a middle ground between enabling your children and abandoning them completely. But Chuck hits Dean where it hurts, plays the emotional card, basically tells him that he’s too emotional to understand, too emotional to think rationally about it, because he mixes his feelings about his father to the issue and thus cannot see it clearly. He basically tells him he’s too close to it to get it. You don’t understand parenting, Dean, because you’re too blinded by your emotions about your own little life and cannot see the big picture.

It doesn’t really matter here if he’s telling the truth or lying, it already says a lot about Chuck that he’s emotionally manipulating Dean, silencing him by hitting the painful spot.

But the thing is, 11.20 immediately presents Chuck as a liar. He makes Metatron read his autobiography and the very first line is a lie (“In the beginning, there was me. Boom – detail. And what a grabber. I mean, I’m hooked, and I was there.” “I’m hooked too, and yet... details. You weren’t alone in the beginning. Your sister was with you.”) and the stuff he talks about his experience as Chuck is not exactly truthful about anything (“That, you know, makes you seem like a really grounded, likable person.” “Yeah, what’s wrong with that?” “You are neither grounded nor a person!”). Metatron calls him out (“Okay. There are two types of memoir. One is honest... the other, not so much. Truth and fairy tale. Now, do you want to write Life by Keith Richards? Or do you want to write Wouldn’t It Be Nice by Brian Wilson?”). Chuck SAYS he chooses truth and gives Metatron a different manuscript, supposedly containing the truth, to which Metatron reacts positively. Metatron believes it, and we believe it with him.

Oh! Oh, this! This is what I was talking about. Chapter Ten “Why I Never Answer Prayers, and You Should Be Glad I Don’t”, and Chapter Eleven “The Truth About Divine Intervention and Why I Avoid It At All Costs”.

Nature? Divine. Human nature – toxic.

They do like blowing stuff up.

Yeah. And the worst part – they do it in my name. And then they come crying to me, asking me to forgive, to fix things. Never taking any responsibility.

What about your responsibility?

I took responsibility... by leaving. At a certain point, training wheels got to come off. No one likes a helicopter parent.

This is sort of what he later says to Dean, except that to Dean he talks about “beautiful creatures” “my baby”, talks about helping, none of the harsh tone he’s using here. When Metatron accuses him of hiding from Amara, he retorts “I am not hiding. I am just done watching my experiments’ failures”. What a different language, uh? Then Metatron asks him why he abandoned them, and Chuck answers “Because you disappointed me. You all disappointed me”. Then, he admits he lied about “learning” to play the guitar and so on, because he just gave himself the ability, and then appears to Dean and Sam, after Metatron’s passionate speech about humanity.

So, no matter the authorial intent at the time - the truthiness of Chuck’s words was already ambiguous. He kept lying and being called out, or silencing the conversation with some good ol’ gaslighting.

The season 14 finale introduces the big twist: it was, indeed, all a lie. The whole of it. Chuck didn’t abandon shit. It was all him, minutely controlling the narrative of the universe, putting the characters through all the pain and struggles for his own amusement.

The “absent father” narrative was a lie.

What does this tell us about John? Nothing, according to the authorial intent that shines through Dabb’s Lebanon. But we don’t give a crap about Dabb’s authorial intent about John! He’s just one dude and plenty of other authors have painted a different picture. So I’m going to read the narrative the way I want, because I can, and the narrative allows me to. It’s all there.

I’m suggesting that the fact that Chuck lied when he talked about being a hands-off/absentee father parallels how Dean and Sam prefer to think of their father as an “absent father” when that’s not exactly a reflection of the truth.

You left us. Alone. ‘Cause Dad was just a shell. [...] And I-I had to be more than just a brother. I had to be a father and I had to be a mother, to keep him safe.

Setting aside how “I had to be a father and I had to be a mother” sort of retcons and cleans up the Winchester family picture painted by ealier seasons, the fact that John didn’t really count as a functional father figure and Dean and Sam were essentually alone is not incorrect or anything. It is true that John would leave them to their own devices a lot, thus the long stays in motels, the hunger, the food-stealing, and all. But John wasn’t always absent, at all. He trained them as soldiers, he disciplined them, he was around enough for them to be intimately familiar with what happened when he drank. He drove them around.

It’s almost like it’s preferable to Dean and Sam to spin their own “absent father” narrative, putting the accent on the time they spent alone, painting their childhood as a time they had to grow up on their own, rather than acknowledge they grew up under the thumb of a controlling, looming figure they would regularly live in fear of, even when he was not physically present.

The “absent father” narrative is what Dean and Sam need to use to avoid confronting the reality of the father figure whose moods and whims they had to dance around. “I know things got dicey... you know, with Dad... the way he was. And I just... I didn’t always look out for you the way that I should have. I mean, I had my own stuff, you know. In order to keep the peace, probably looked like I took his side quite a bit.”

John shaped their lives. He shaped their identities. Even in the episodes where he abandons Dean or both children somewhere, he’s portrayed as the figure who drives the car. He symbolically drives the car, you know? John shaped Dean and Sam’s relationship with each other, both on a surface level (the conflicts) and on a deeper level (the parental dynamic).

Heck. The entire first season of the show plays on John’s disappearance as the “elephant in the room”. John is there by not being there, you know? And after he dies, his death - his absence - is again the elephant in the room for Dean, the weight on his psyche that he shatters under.

It is not wrong that Dean and Sam had to spend long periods of time without John. But John structured their lives in quite minute detail. Where they needed to be, what they needed to do, what they must not do, everything had to follow John’s instructions. A drill sergeant, the narrative called him, ordering how his sons needed to live their lives. That’s no absence, except on a level where Chuck not showing himself and pretending he’s not there can be considered absent. That’s a presence, not necessarily always physical, but semiotical and psychological.

John is an absent father as much as Chuck is a hands-off god. He even writes himself into the story around the time Cas has the “season 1” phase (let’s go look for dad/let’s go look for god), which is when John actually was alive and appeared. Then he was no longer physically there, but he was still shaping his characters’ lives, just like he’d always done.

The “absent father” narrative on John is that - a narrative. Spun by the characters themselves because it’s easier and actually kinder on John. Or, better, it allows them not to be crushed by the psychological implications of having to accept that their father was such a looming, minutely formative figure in their lives. They know, but they can wave the “absent father” idea around to avoid thinking about it.

“I had to be a father and I had to be a mother” is something easier to tell yourself. I was the one who did it all. But he wasn’t, and that’s the problem. The fact that John was their father - Dean’s and Sam’s - is the problem. But ironically, blaming himself for every failure is a better option for Dean than fully acknowledging John’s abuse. As long as he blames himself, he has control over it. The moment he acknowledges the extent of John’s influence, he loses control over the entire narrative of his own identity and the family identity, the family dynamics. That’s scarier, just like realizing that God manipulated everything is much scarier than the alternative. “God abandoned us” was indeed a better option, and “John left us alone” was a better option. But neither was true, and the characters faced the implications of the cosmic level, but never got to face the implication of the familial level, because the narrative always danced around it and then Dabb’s apologist version “won”.

But what’s been put in the show is still there. The narrative of John’s abuse is still there. Nothing can take it out of the story.

[iwhishtomeetinournextlife]

An anonymous lover (part 4)

Summary : Y/N sees Sirius Black running away after a particularly rough letter from his mother. She wants to cheer him up and decide to send him a letter, anymously, she knows how much he hates her house.

Warnings : Slytherin!Reader, female!reader, not proof read

Word count : 2.6k

English is not my first language, sorry if there is any mistakes

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - You're here - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7

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Sirius was slowly starting to desparate, it has been now almost three weeks seen he received the letter from that mysterious person and he had no idea who it could be. He and the marauders –with the help of Lily- had search for them among Evans’ friends, but none of them matched the headwriting or even admiting being the writer of the letter.

He is not that surprise, after all it was said in the letter that they didn’t know each other that well, and most of Lily’s friends were people he knew himself and was close to, but it was worth the shot he told himself.

He was in potion, lost in his own mind,  he didn’t hear someone calling next to him and he snapped out of his mind, “You said something ?” It was Y/N, his potion partner, despite being a slytherin, she was always nice, a bit discreet in class, even if he heard a story or two from Lily of little mischiefs she has done, the more time they spend together, the more he was surprised she was a slytherin.

“I was asking you to give me the mandrake leaves”, Sirius looked on his left were the leaves were, he then looked at the cauldron on the table, it had a greenish color with some pinkish sturls, bubbling heavely. He wasn’t paying attention at the beginning of the class so he had no idea on what that was, so he decide to just hand over the madrake leaves to Y/N.

She ground the ingredient before putting it in the cauldron who turned completly pink. She then looked at Sirius, “Are ok ? Y' look a bit.. Off"

Sirius straighten his back on his stool, trying to look more composed but he sighed, “Yeah yeah ‘t‘s just...”, he hesitated a bit, should he talk to her about it ? But she looked so concerned. “It’s just there is that person who gave me a letter a few weeks ago and I don’t know who it is. I’d like to meet them” He was playing with the little kiss card, he had since forgotten the feeling and the paper was slowly tearing up by being touch all the time.

Y/N simply smiled at him, “Yeah, I heard about it. Who knows, if you’re lucky maybe they heard about it too and will come to you ? Or send another letter ?”

Sirius just nob a little, he hoped she was right and that wasn’t just a one time thing. He decided to pay more attention for the rest of the class.

After the lesson of this morning, he went to the Great Hall with the marauders to eat, his stomach was rumbling louder than Peter’s snorring at night. At the table he thought about what Y/N had said, apparently some people had heard about his desire to find a mysterious lettermaker, maybe indeed they had heard of it and would send another one ? Maybe even directly talked to him ? He tried to not put his hopes too high but he couldn’t resist to look at the owl’s entry and wish to see one arrived for him, he wasn’t a patient person after all.

He tried to pay attention to what James was saying, something about the perfect plan to ask Lily on a date. “She will say yes !” the boy was confident.

“Of course, like the 437 other times” mocked Remus, his friend open his mouth agape, absolutly scandilise, “Don’t be a party pooper Moony ! Friends are s’pose to support each other !”, Sirius was about to retort something but his head snapped at the sound of wings flapping around, making his friends laugh. “You think you will have another letter ?” asked Peter.

Sirius sighed, “I hope so ! They can’t just send me a wholehearted letter and then send me obsoutely nothing ever again !”, he waited a bit and his eye widen when an owl landed in front of him with a letter decorated with stars in the beak, he was completly overjoyed. “NO WAY !!”, he screamed a bit, making heads turned to him, includind Y/N’s, who observed him from afar.

Sirius looked at the enveloppe, it had a new constellation draw on it, and didn’t wait to open the letter, completly ignoring the owl who was waiting for his reward, it’s Remus who ended up feeding the animal who then flew away, the marauders all looked at Sirius, waiting for a reaction, who just had the biggest grin on his face.

It was written in a beautiful emerauld green this time, with forget me not flowers as well as lilac, it smelled beautifully good and was quite soothing.

“Dear Sirius,

I heard you were looking for me ? I must admit that I’m flattered and happy you liked the first one so much, it warm my heart to know it had the reaction intended.

Looking at you from far away searching for me at the wrong place is very entertainning, that’s why I’m going to let you keep looking for me a moment”

Sirius open his mouth in shock. “What, what are they saying ?” James leaned accross the table, trying to see. “They wants to play a little, apperently it makes them laugh to see me struggle finding them”;

James laugh, “She seems fun !”, “Or he” told Sirius.

“FINE ! Wanna bet ? 5 gallons it’s a girl !”. Sirius stopped to think for a moment, he didn’t care of the gender of the person but he really wanted to bet with James, they did that often and it wasn’t a big deal in the end. “That’s a deal then, Prongs”. Sirius then went back to the letter.

“But since I am not a complete monster, I am going to give you a hint : I am not a gryffindor. And because I will dare to say I am quite generous, I am going to let you write to me too if you desire to do so. You may have noticed with the kiss from last time –that a hope you liked- I like inventing a few things, in the enveloppe you will find pieces of paper to stick to you letters, the charm of the paper will transcribe you’re message onto a parchment that I possess. I could tell you all the magic behind it but I will keep it for another if that interest you.

Game on Sirius Black ! 3 gallons you can’t find me before at least two months.

P.S : The pieces of paper are a new creation so it might malfunction, I will send you an update in ten days if I have no news from you, or you could always scream in the Great Hall if you want me to send something sooner”

Sirius looked in the void for a few second, ok, that was a lot of information to take at once, he let James took the letter so he could read it. He looked in the enveloppe and there were indeed five pieces of paper, he guessed it was singled used. He looked some more and was incredibly disappointed to not find any kiss in it. He had really hoped he could feel it again. Well, from them, when Sirius better explain to James what was the kiss he had felt, he put into an habit to kissed his friend good night to tease him, always getting a smack from Sirius in return.

“Wow, they seemed brillant” said Remus who had now th letter in hand before giving it back to Sirius. "Must be a ravenclaw” remarked Peter, that’s where they will be looking next. But for now, he couldn’t wait to write to them, the first thing he will do once back in the dorm.

---------------------------------------------

And that’s what he did right away once the day ended, he thanked them for the letter, telling them how much it had helped him to feel better and how grateful he was for all the nice things they had said. Of course he took the challenge, he never back away from an opportunity to win, especially one such as this one, he had flirted a bet a date at Hogsmeade he will find them before those two months. He ended the letter by demending more kisses to use, obviously.

Once he was satisfied with it, he decided to try out the piece of paper to transfer the message. At first nothing happened, he was a bit scared the thing wouldn’t work, but when he was about to voice his worries, the lines started to shine of golden glow before slowly disappearing. Wow, they are brillant.

--------------------------------------------

Sirius was more than happy to received a letter the next day, the paper had perfectly worked out ! That letter was way more casual, with less decoration, talking about the few past weeks with an added candy, their favourite one they said, Sirius made sure to note that somewhere in his mind as he was eating it, sour, just like he liked them.

He also was delighted to see they had added kisses with that letter, two, with three used each that made six in total, he used one right away, he had missed the feeling too much. He had to slap away James who wanted to try it out too, to see what was so great about them.

“C’mon Pads, you said it could be reused !” had he complain. “And it’s not like you’ll run out, now you can have more whenever !”, Sirius just threw bread at him, “Don’t you fucking dare Prongs, I wil envoy each one of them !”.

Him and the rest of the marauders have given up on searching on their own who the person was after a few days, they used energy for not much and apparently the anonymous person envoyed sending them in the wrong direction, Sirius having some akward conversation with people he barely knew to know if they were or not the person he was looking for. He decided rather to focus on the letters.

-------------------------------------------

And that’s how Sirius and the anonymous penpal fell into a routine, he will write in the evening and have an answer the next day at lunch, writing to each other almost everyday. He smiled at the evolution of the letters, it became more natural, the penpal slowly loosen up the handwriting to a point were it would be impossible for someone who didn’t lived “the downfall to incomprehension” as he tease them about, but he loved that, it fell special to him to be able to read them so well when other struggled.

The marauders had read the letters occasionally when the penpal was giving hint of who they were, which was a rare occurrence, bu they had given up days ago. James had froaned at the letter, he thought he had seen it before but he couldn’t recall where, he simply pushed that idea in the back of his head.

He groaned a bit when they turned out to be a she, handing five gallons to James who simply sang “I told you so” over and over again. At that Sirius simply rolled his eyes and went back to the letter.

They were always written in colored ink, with always at least one doodle, often of flowers, especially roses, she apperently loved them very much. He keep that in mind among the other little details about her and the gifts he could bring her once they met. He also were given more kisses, some on the cheeks, or the hand, whether on the knuckles, fingers, the palm, he loved it all. He received one on his jaw that he absolutly loved, but he has teased her about it and so as a punishment he never received more of these.

Truth be told, Y/N was simply completly embarassed of what she has done, she send this one a day were she felt particulary bold and regretted it the very next day at Sirius’ teasing.

He also received some hugs. Boy did he loved those, they never lasted long enough for him. He finded them so comforting, and by the repetition of them, he could tell she was smaller than him and that had him completly melted. And he swore he almost passed out the day she sended her voice.

It wasn’t much, just “Have a nice day, Sirius !”, but he listened to it every single day, delighted when he was told it was unlimited. Y/N had took a big risk that time, but she really wanted to send him just that special one, he often told her how much it made him a bit sad that the hugs and kisses were so limited, so she sent that one line, modifiying her voice just enough to be a bit out of her ordinary one.

She wasn’t as scared as before to meet Sirius, after so many days speaking to each other, she would dare to say they were close, both had confessed in their letter deep secrets and insecurities, and they trusted each other enough to be vunerable with one another, she almost asked him to meet in the astronomy tower.

But a few things were preventing her to do so ; the bet, she was a slytherin after all and wasn’t going to lose to a gryffindor; her insecurity, despite feeling better than before, a big parts of her still was terrified to the idea of meeting him as the person he has been writing to for weeks, she didn’t know how she would react; and finally, she has heard Sirius badly talked about slytherin a few times, and she didn’t want to ruin everything because of who she was, she was proud to be a slytherin despite the surprise of many people to discover which house she was in, but depise that she had let her feelings for Sirius get in the way and now very selfishly didn’t want to let that go.

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The two months were soon over, and Sirius still didn’t know who his penpal was, he wanted to win the bet but didn’t know how to at this point, with the tests and essays they recently had, he didn’t took the time to search for her. He was planning on asking her in his next letter if she will revealed herself by the end of the bet, hoping with all his being for her to say yes.

He was now in potion, sitting next to Y/N, both were silently taking notes, as for once, Sirius decided to stay quiet the whole time, he had a bit of struggle with this potion and he needed to focus, not used to have difficulties in class.

Y/N saw his struggle and decided to talk to him. “Do you need help with that potion, Black ?”

The boy looked at her for a few second and sighed, “Yeah, that one’s a bitch, can I burrow your notes ?”

Y/N hesitated a bit, not knowing if she should, she knew he could read her handwriting but didn’t know if he would put two and two together. She decided to hand them to him, after all she proposed her help and it would impolite to stop now, and she told herself he will probably not recognise it, some handwriting could look alike without being from the same person.

Sirius gave her a greatful smile, “Thanks Y/L/N”, she gave back a smile “No problem”, she put the rest of her stuff away and spoke without thinking, “Have a nice day Sirius !” and she got out.

Sirius immidiatly froze, was that ..?

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Taglist : @blackpinkdolan  @jentaculargums @bruxa0007 @deathkat657 @theincredibledeadlyviper

[calaofnoldor]

Fake It ‘Til You Make It

Characters: Sam x Reader (gender neutral), Dean

Words: 3,295

Summary: Dean and his lady of the night are being obnoxiously loud, so you and Sam devise a plan of retaliation.

Warnings: fluff, implied smut, wee bit o’ language, mutual pining and other fun tropes

A/N: thank you for all the love and support on “Dean, Don’t” (there will be a sequel due to positive feedback!) tbh, i’m not sure how i feel about this one, but every single like, comment, and reblog is always super-duper appreciated!

MASTERLIST

Another hunt for the books, another bar tab for your fake credit card. Another leggy blonde for Dean, and another evening spent harboring your secret yet ever-growing crush for Sam Winchester. This was becoming a pattern lately.

You'd decided to join the brothers on their last several hunts after bumping into (and nearly decapitating) Dean in a vamp-infested warehouse in Colorado. That night, you bought him a beer to recompense, but he was rather swiftly distracted by the busty barmaid, and you ended up talking to Sam all night instead.

There was an instant chemistry between the two of you, what with your shared passion for monster lore and college dropout histories, conversation always flowed easily and often without end.

Tonight had been no different, from the moment you walked into the rundown bar in Iowa, and immediately placed a bet on the fate of Dean's evening entertainment.

"Twenty bucks says he goes home with that blonde in the red dress over there," you jerked your head towards the woman in question.

"Oh, you're so on L/N. She's way too classy for him. My money's on that short one over there with the space buns."

"Deal," you shook on it, while struggling to ignore the spark his touch ignited.

Three beers in and you had almost completely forgot about your bet, until Dean swaggered over with one arm draped casually around the shoulders of his blonde conquest. "We're gonna head out for the night, see you guys later."

You waited until the front door closed behind them before turning to Sam with a triumphant grin. "Pay up, Winchester," you held your hand out expectantly.

“How are you so good at that? I’m the one who’s been watching him my whole life.” He shook his head with amiable amusement while digging out a twenty-dollar bill from his pocket.

You shrugged a little, “You learn to read people fairly quickly on the job.”

“Y/N, we have the same job.”

You pretended to ponder this fact for a moment, your brows furrowing, “I guess I’m just a better hunter then?” It was an obvious jest, and you both knew it, as evidenced by the wide, matching smiles that broke out across both your faces.

God, how you loved his smile, especially the genuine ones that brought out his dimples and lit up his eyes, but even more so, you adored any smile behind which you were the cause. Those you stored amidst your most cherished memories and replayed in your mind a hundred times over on nights when the insomnia hit… Oh no, had you been staring for too long?

Abruptly, you turned towards the bartender, waving the newly acquired bill in your hand, and proceeded to order the next round.

Fortunately, the night carried on with its jovial tone, and you were almost able to disregard the desire to touch Sam’s veiny forearms when he rolled up the sleeves of his plaid, or the need to run your hands through his luscious locks whenever a wayward strand fell before his glimmering eyes.

“I guess we should head out soon. Dean’s probably gonna want to leave early tomorrow morning.”

“Right, yeah.” At this point, you were feeling a little woozy from the alcohol, and Sam’s hands were suddenly grasping your biceps as you rose unsteadily from the barstool.

“I’m OK,” you laughed it off, but instantly missed the warmth of his palms that seemed to seep through your clothes and set your skin alight. Sam simply smiled at you, yet something in his eyes was so resplendent you felt goosebumps replace the fire along your arms. You must have been staring again, for Sam looked away somewhat embarrassedly and asked if there was something on his face.

Ugh, why did he have such an effect on you? You’d been around plenty of male hunters in the past, some nearly just as attractive, but you’d always managed to keep your wits about you. Indeed, your unrelenting rationality was usually a subject of pride for you, yet here you were, a blubbering mess after a mere touch on the arm and that stupid smile.

Looking down, you grumbled a quick apology and a senseless explanation that involved blaming the booze before you took off.

Sam followed after you, but not before double checking that you had grabbed all your belongings. There was a strong and instinctive urge to look after and protect that stirred within him whenever you were around, and he couldn’t neglect it if he tried.

It wasn’t that you were weak and needed someone to look out for you. Sam knew you’d been more or less hunting on your own for years now, and could certainly roll with the best of them, himself and Dean included. No, Sam knew you were more than capable of taking care of yourself, yet he still could not brush the nagging need to keep you safe and by his side whenever possible.

At times, he felt as if a spell had overcome him and he was no longer in control of his senses when it came to you. It was annoying, really.

Tonight, for instance, Sam could have sworn he spent the better part of your time at the bar glaring down any man who came within three feet of you, foolishly daring to try their chances with you. He was sure you’d notice his strange behavior at some point, but you simply talked the night away with him, smiling that stupendous smile, the one that made him lose his breath.

Everything about you enchanted him, and Sam often found himself wishing he could just dive in and kiss you, hold you in his arms and never let you go. He was sure you could read it all in his eyes by now.

To his disappointment, however, you never gave any indication of reciprocation, always treating him in a strictly platonic manner, whether intentionally or out of ignorance, Sam didn’t know. But he never dared make a move, and he convinced himself that he felt fortunate enough to have you as a friend.

The walk back to the motel wasn’t long, although Sam took deliberately small steps to prolong your time together. When you reached the brothers’ room, your eyes fell upon a grey sock dangling unceremoniously from the doorknob. So Dean had taken Blondie to his motel room.

“How’s that for classy?” you looked up at Sam with a small smirk.

He let out a huff of a laugh and shook his head while staring at the sock. Well, it wouldn’t be the first time he spent a night in the Impala.

“Hey, why don’t you just come over to my room,” you suggested as you motioned next door, “We can chill in there for a bit, wait it out?”

Sam’s eyes shot up to your face. All he had to hear was “come over to my room,” and his brain immediately began imagining all the potential scenarios those five little words could lead to… if you felt even an inkling of what he felt for you. He gulped and tried to reel his thoughts in, meeting your gaze with a dreamy look.

“Um… yeah, OK, sure, yeah. That sounds good. I mean, you sure you don’t mind?” he stumbled out.

You laughed that brilliant laugh, “No, I should probably sober up a little before I sleep anyway.”

Sam nodded, afraid of what words might escape if he opened his mouth again, and the two of you made your way towards the adjacent motel room. He watched as your delicate hands worked the key and instantly took note of the angry red scrapes and cuts along your palm when you turned your wrist to unlock the door.

Brows knit with concern, Sam silently berated himself for failing to take better care of you. He remembered you took a nasty fall when the ghost had thrown you aside to get to the brothers as they burned the necklace that tethered it to this realm. You must have landed on the concrete and braced yourself with your hands.

As you both stepped into the dim and modest room, Sam was about to ask for your first aid kit when you suddenly brought your arms overhead and stretched out your lithe body with a soft, satisfactory grunt. When the hem of your shirt rode up, Sam had to look away to stop himself from staring at the anti-possession tattoo that peeked out above your hip bone. Just that sliver of skin was so alluring to him; he really was in deep.

When you lowered your arms back down, you sent him a small, apologetic smile, “Sorry, it just always feels good to do that after a hunt and a night out in town.”

Sam nodded again, still finding it difficult to come up with the right words, but then he remembered his previous mission. “Give me your hand.”

“W-what?” you stuttered, dumbfoundedly. It was your turn to wonder if you’d heard right.

“Your hand, let me see it.” He repeated, and this time he simply caught your wrist and took your hand gingerly in his, turning it such that your palm faced up, so he could examine the extent of the damage.

“Oh,” you breathed out, slightly relieved, “It’s fine, it’s just a scratch.” You tried to pull your hand out of his intoxicating grip, but he held on quite firmly.

“Y/N, we need to clean these and bandage them so they don’t get infected.”

He had pulled you rather close to him, to the point where you could feel his body heat emanating towards you, and you hated to admit the proximity was really messing with your mind. All you could think about was the deliciously muscled torso that surely lay beneath those layers of cotton, and what it would feel like to run your hands across it.

Sam took advantage of your lack of response and led you to sit on the edge of the bed. As he went to look for the first aid kit, you couldn’t help but admire his backside, especially when he bent over to rummage through your duffle bag in the corner.

When he returned to your side, you quickly closed your jaw and reached over for the cleaning supplies, but he held it out of your reach and grasped your hand again instead. Your eyes met for moment, and almost as if on cue, a loud, lascivious moan came through the room’s thin walls.

Sam felt his cheeks heat up, and hastily averted his gaze. He mentally cursed his brother’s wanton ways, but when he heard your giggling, all was forgiven.

“I guess someone’s having a good time.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think this’ll be quite as enjoyable for you.” He motioned to the alcohol in his other hand with a sheepish smile, “I probably don’t need to tell you this is gonna hurt.”

You shook your head slightly, but still winced a little when he poured the disinfectant over your wounds.

“Sorry, I’m so sorry.” Sam sounded truly remorseful and you chuckled.

“What are you sorry for? It’s not like you threw me to the ground, and besides, you’re helping me now,” you murmured softly.

“Well you did get in it’s way to protect m- us. And I don’t like to see you in pain.”

He meant ‘people’ of course, you told yourself in vain. He’s obviously a nice guy and he doesn’t like to see anyone in pain. That’s why he’s a hunter. Duh.

You were trying, unsuccessfully, to slow your heart rate when another emphatic cry came from the direction of the older Winchester’s room.

“Oh! Oh my god!” The high pitch had your eyes widening.

“You can call me Dean, sweetheart,” came the muted reply.

You and Sam both rolled your eyes before he continued to treat and bandage your hand. His fingers, though rough, were improbably gentle against your skin and frequently sent shivers down your spine. It was all making you quite jittery and you really weren’t sure you could take it much longer. To exacerbate things, Dean and Blondie managed to vocalize their passions on at least five more occasions by the time Sam completed his work.

It was becoming rather aggravating, particularly because you found it extraordinarily hard to look Sam in the eyes or maintain a normal conversation with him when you were constantly getting bombarded by the sounds of his brother and his lady of the night copulating next door.

You stood as soon as Sam let go of your hand, needing to release some energy. “You know what, we can’t just let them dick us around like this all night!”

Sam laughed at your word choice and looked up at you, a fond curiosity shining through his eyes, “OK, but what could we possibly do to get back at them?”

You paused your pacing for a minute, racking your brain for an answer to their impudence. Sam watched as a gleam appeared in your eyes and a mischievous smile took over your features.

“I’ve got it! My friend and I used to do this back in college when our roommate brought dates home and they got a little too carried away. It’s basically a game of chicken.”

Sam raised his brow in question so you continued, “If they’re gonna be obnoxiously loud with their fornication rituals, then we can go at it too.”

“I-I’m sorry, what?”

“It’s simple. An eye for an eye. We don’t even have to make it sound real, just as long as it’s equally loud and disturbing.”

“Y/N, are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting? That we pretend to have s-sex?” Sam was feeling considerably dubious about your plan, as he couldn’t imagine himself holding back if you were to act in any way sensual around him, even if it was all make believe.

Just then, another resounding squeal of pleasure travelled to your ears and before Sam could stop you, you took the opportunity to show him what you were talking about.

“Oh! Yes!” You exclaimed salaciously in return.

Sam’s eyes grew as he stared at you in disbelief. Your own eyes were closed and your face contorted to an expression of intense pleasure that Sam had only dreamed about. He couldn’t stop fidgeting in his place on the bed, thankful that the first aid kit still sat on his lap as he adjusted his trousers a bit.

“Y/N, I don’t-“

“Come on, Sammy, join me! Trust me, it works every time.”

Sam didn’t have time to contemplate how much he loved the sound of his childhood nickname rolling off your tongue because a second howl came from the next room, this time lower in pitch, though you were there to answer regardless. “Oh my gosh, yes! Right there!”

If Sam thought the effect that you had on him normally was overwhelming, he was undoubtedly unprepared for the way his body responded to you making ludicrously pornographic sounds not two feet from him. Everything seemed to disappear around him until only you remained and held the entirety of his focus.

“Ooh, faster! Harder, Sam!”

Fuck. You said his name. And you said it with lust in your voice. It was as if all his fantasies had come to life before him in some twisted and desperately maddening form. Something in him snapped, and before he knew it, he was standing across from you, staring fixedly at your face, as you shouted in unison.

“Ungh! Oh god, Y/N!”

“Yes, that’s it! Don’t stop!”

Sam’s deep voice compelled your eyes to snap open. He was already looking straight at you, and you could almost taste the tension.

“Oh, baby! You feel so good!”

You didn’t join him this time. You couldn’t. He had you in a trance, his lips, jaw, neck, shoulders, the way his chest moved towards you when he inhaled, the sheer size of him. It was all too much. So you simply stared, feeling your breath come and go faster than you were used to.

There was a split second, or perhaps it was a lifetime, in which the two of you stood still, eyes locked in a fiery exchange, but in the next instant you both lunged forward, lips and teeth and noses and bodies clashing in a passionate, long-awaited display of carnal thirst.

But the kiss ended far too soon for your liking. “Wait, wait, Y/N. I really want this, but you’re probably still drunk, and I don’t wanna take advantage of you or the situation.” Sam panted hurriedly.

You smiled at his chivalry yet shook your head in disagreement, “Sam, don’t be an idjit. I don’t think I’ve ever been more sober, and I definitely haven’t wanted anything more than this, right now.” Your voice was just as breathy.

Sam moved his hands back to your face and that glorious, dimpled smile returned, “Baby, are you sure?”

The nickname brought a flutter to your heart, “Yes, I swear to heaven and hell, if you don’t kiss me again, Sam Winchester-“

His lips cut yours off in another bruising yet completely satisfying declaration of need. Your back arched and he brought one hand down to pull your waist flush against his solid form.

“Mmph,” you moaned against his mouth.

God, Sam couldn’t handle the sounds you made. A man could only hold back for so long. His enormous moose hands frantically grabbed at your ass, hoisting you into his arms in no time and carrying you back towards the bed.

Let’s just say Dean and Blondie truly had no idea of the spectacular and thunderous show they were in for.

The next morning, Sam awoke with a warm weight on his chest. He looked down to find your slumbering form nuzzled against him, head tucked beneath his chin and legs messily intertwined. A fond smile crossed his face as he subconsciously tightened his hold on you and pressed a loving kiss to your forehead. The feeling of elation didn't fade as he closed his eyes to rest again, but it did recede ever so slightly to the backburner when the door clicked and his brother came barging in. “Alright, rise and shine, lovebirds! That was quite the show you guys put on last night, hope it didn't-“ “Shhh! Dean, shut up!” Sam shushed his brother with a stage whisper whilst scrambling to cover your bare back with the disheveled sheets surrounding you, but Dean had already glimpsed the evidence. “Sammy, you sly dog!” He wiggled his brows, grinning proudly at his little brother, "And here I thought I was the only one who got laid last night." “Dean, get out.” "Yeah ok, I'm gone," he raised his hands in assent. "But tell your sweetheart we're leaving in twenty," Dean added before he finally let the door shut behind him.

His sweetheart. Sam sure liked the sound of that. The corners of his lips struggled not to raise with glee. "Mm, was that Dean?" you mumbled against Sam's chest, fingers tracing the ink of his anti-possession tattoo with half-lidded eyes. "Yeah, just came to tell us we're leaving in twenty." He gave your hip a gentle squeeze "He knows, doesn’t he?" You rubbed your eyes with a yawn. Sam chuckled at your adorably sleepy state. “Yeah, sorry…” he trailed off, unsure of how you would respond to the news.

“Well, don’t be. That just means I get to do this whenever I want.” You lifted your head to kiss him hard, and his hands instinctively cradled your face, pulling you closer until you were straddling his lap and completely awake.

“You know, I think we still have about 15 minutes.”

“I like the way you think, Winchester.”

A/N #2: thank you so much for reading! i’d now like to apologize for this obligatory self plug, but there’s new stuff available at lexicolor.redbubble.com, just fyi :)

[hungry-skeleton]

I headcanon pinkie pie as having ADHD, but not for the reason you probably think. I've noticed that neurotipicals tend to headcanon her with ADHD because of her hyperactive behavior (which is a little yikes if you ask me because that just shows you only associate ADHD with being hyper and loud). But as someone with ADHD I noticed a particular part of her behavior that seems all too familiar

Pinkie Pie has RSD

Now before I begin my rant I want to preface this with the fact that I am in no way a doctor or an expert and I will be basing this analysis on my own experience with RSD. Keep in mind that everyone's experiences with both ADHD and RSD are different.

If you don't know what RSD is the oversimplified version is this: RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) is the overwhelming and irrational fear of being rejected, judged, criticized, disliked, abandoned, or overshadowed. This can lead to mood swings, distrust, social anxiety, irrational jealousy, and approval seeking behavior.

I've always related to Pinkie Pie, which is part of the reason she's my favorite character. When I noticed that she exhibited RSD symptoms I lost it. RSD basically controls my life, I can't go a day without it ruining my mood or causing me to think awful things. Allow me to give some examples of Pinkies RSD symptoms:

Note: being a children's show, some of these examples are exaggerated for comedic effect, but I believe they are still worth mentioning.

1. Extreme reaction to perceived rejection

In my favorite episode, Pinkie Pride, Pinkie feels overshadowed by Cheese Sandwich and feels rejected by her friends when they praise him for his party planning skills and ignore her. This causes Pinkie to believe that her friends don't need or want her anymore, and she sees herself as inferior to Cheese. She begins to give up party planning all together, after seeing one person she perceived as being better then her at her talent she decided to never invest in her talent ever again.

2. Approval/praise seeking behavior

In the same episode Pinkie goes out of her way to try and regain her friend's approval by trying to out-do Cheese. Doing increasingly extreme things in the process that eventually lead to Rainbow dash not having a very good time. There's probably a few other examples of this but none come to mind at the moment

3. Irrational distrust and perceiving negative emotions from peers when there is none

Literally everything about Party Of One

4. Distress when one fails to meet personal or others expectations

In many Pinkie centric episodes it is displayed how she expects her parties (or other plans) to be absolutely perfect or she will feel like a failure. Pretty much every Maude episode displays this behavior like in Maude Pie where she is devastated to learn that Maude and her friends aren't getting along as she had hoped. Then in The Gift Of Maude Pie she becomes distressed at the idea of not getting the perfect gift for Maude in fear of disappointing her (despite the act of gift giving not being a competition). Lastly, pretty much everything about the episode Rock Solid Friendship.

5. Being a "people pleaser"

The episodes A Friend Indeed and Too Many Pinkie Pies display this symptom the best. In A Friend Indeed, she tries way too hard to make a complete stranger happy and is saddened at the idea of said stranger disliking her. In Too Many Pinkie Pies she literally clones herself so she can hang out with all of her friends at once. It's not uncommon for Pinkie to try and please other people despite her not being very happy herself. Wanting everyone around you to be pleased with you no matter who it is is a common behavior amongst people with RSD

Now some people can chock up this behavior to simple abandonment issues but this feels more closely related to RSD, at least from my experiences and observations. There's probably more examples then I remembered to mention here. I will admit though, I am a bit biased with Pinkie being my favorite character that I already relate and project onto but can I really be blamed for that? RSD is already such an overlooked trait of ADHD and seeing its symptoms exhibited in a character I already relate to is just asking for it.

Now this is all my own opinion/headcanon but I hope I could let you see something from a new perspective. Please feel free to tell me your own thoughts.

I will close this off with a quote from the iconic video, What I Learned Today: "your friend's can be happy for reasons that don't involve you, gotta work on those abandonment issues girl"

[crownedrebel]

New Ever After High fanfic! check it out if y’all want

Title: Truth Behind the Crown

Chapter 1 - Reunited

Apple White is known as the princess with the marvelous fairytale of all Ever After. As the next Snow White, she was raised like how her Mother expected her to be when the time comes for her to take over the throne as Queen of the land. Kind, courageous, passionate, smart, Perfect.

As she grew older, Apple was taught that following her parents' footsteps will lead her to the right path, to her Happily ever after. marrying her pre-destined prince who will wake her up in her sleep when the Evil Queen poisoned her, run the kingdom together, build a family, and their family tradition shall continue. everything and anything her mother taught her were the things she carried on her shoulders, reassuring her that only in her fairytale, safety is promised. her safety will be guaranteed. as a girl who was almost killed at a younger age, Apple was terrified. by then she realized that going against the story would be terrible and dangerous.

The future Snow White carries a lot of expectations, but is she that determined to be the next Queen? the next ruler of all land? one bite from the poisoned apple and her fairytale will be perfect. perfect in everyone's eyes, perfect in her mother's eyes.

She knows in herself that she needs to be the fairest one of all, as her mother always says. picture-perfect princess adored by many, envied by the most on the female population, loved by the most male population. But is she really happy? is this the life she wanted? what would happen if her deep secret were revealed?

Will her friends stay? will her family disown her? is she still going to be the next Snow White? or a big disappointment and disgrace in all history of Ever After?

xxxxxxx

Moonlight shines through the halls of Ever After High, students are already suited in their dorm rooms after a long day of school. everything seems back to normal after the big battle against the Evil Queen. A week has passed after the dragon games incident where the whole school battled the Evil Queen who escaped from the mirror prison. the reimprisonment was successful with the help of no other than the daughters of the most rivaled individuals on the Snow White fairytale, Raven Queen and Apple White. peace has befallen on the land of Ever After once again.

inside the biggest dorm room among the whole school resides Raven and Apple who happens to be awake at the late hour of the night. the dark-haired princess is on her mirrorpad, tapping lightly on the screen to whatever activity she's doing because the sleep doesn't seem to visit her system yet. on the other side of the room, the blonde princess laying on her bed, eyes on the ceiling as she let out a sigh. it comes out as a frustrated sigh. she rolled on her side where she faces her roommate's side of the room.

Apple and Raven's friendship was tainted during the week of dragon games. the blonde made terrible mistakes which caused chaos in all Ever After. she was the one who brought everyone in danger- the future Snow White no less. the blonde made a sincere public apology to the entire school, admitting her mistakes caused by her selfish desires. selfish enough to drove her dear friend Raven away by pushing her to follow their fairytale religiously which caused a big scar on their friendship. Apple knew from Legacy Day that Raven will be her biggest challenge. the said dark-haired girl who is supposed to be the next Evil Queen rebels against her destiny. their destiny. Apple tried to persuade her into evil, for the sake of her own happily ever after. if she's going to think this through, she was indeed selfish. she proved that she'll do whatever it takes even against her dear friend's will just to fulfill her destiny. and that was horrible. she was horrible. a rotten apple.

it's been a week but the guilt won't just leave Apple's system. her bond with her roommate changed after a week for obvious reasons. she did apologize to her for the way she acted before and how selfish she was, Raven accepted the apology, but it seems like the witch grew more distant away from her. though she should be glad since this is what she's been aiming for. she wanted Raven to hate her, curse her, fight her, poison her. but now? it doesn't feel right. the thought of Raven hating her and avoiding any contact with her pains her like a hundred knives stabbed in her chest. it feels heavy and foreign. she hates it and it makes her cry in her sleep every night.

She let out another shaky sigh, gripping on her pillow lightly, still facing Raven's side of the room. the dark-haired girl's spot is dark, only the light from the girl's mirrorpad is the only light that flickers. she can't read Raven's face right now, her blurry vision isn't helping either.

she wanted to stand up and walk towards her roommate's spot, talk to her, hug her, like the way they used to, but she's afraid Raven would distant herself more.

"It's my fault anyway", she mumbled. closing her lids to prevent her tears to fall. she wanted to talk to Raven so bad that it hurts her chest even more. even though she sees Raven every day, she misses her. she misses her laugh, her silly jokes, her smile, everything. she wished she could turn back time to right her wrongs but no. deep inside her, she knows that everything happens for a reason. and whatever the reason is, it sucks big time. if the outcome of it is her and Raven's relationship will go on like this forever, she's already suffering.

Apple took a deep breath, shaking her head lightly as she makes up her mind, "I don't want this to go on forever". she knew what she needed to do- talk to Raven. She doesn't have any idea right now if Raven will talk to her or completely ignore her, but nothing will happen if she's not going to try.

"Alright, it's now or never", she muttered under her breath. she stood up from her bed, slowly she approached Raven's side of the room, gulping as she reached near the dark-haired girl's bed. the witch seems to notice her presence, slightly startled Raven slowly put her mirrorpad away from her as she eyed the blonde. Apple cleared her throat, putting a strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

"Oh, Uhm, Hey Apple" Raven started awkwardly with a light chuckle.

"Hey" the blonde princess responds, her words seem to melt away, her chest is hammering violently. 'I'm an idiot' she mentally facepalmed herself.

"Uhh, What's up? do you need anything?" the dark-haired princess asked in a light tone. she noticed that Apple is fidgeting, her lips are parting but no words are coming out. she wonders why Apple is approaching her right now in the middle of the night because she knows that it's unlikely for the blonde to stay up late.

"Can I sit with you? and maybe talk to you for a while?" finally Apple managed to say as she eyed the raven-haired girl for any signs of disapproval, but Raven smiled and nodded her head. Apple's insides feel oddly giddy for a moment but it quickly changed to anxiousness. she settled herself on Raven's side of the bed, her posture is still stiff as she fidgets her fingers.

"What's wrong? what do you want to talk about?" Raven started slowly, not wanting to rush the blonde.

The raven-haired princess is slightly concerned because of the way Apple is acting right now. 'is she sick? did something happened again?' she thought silently until the blonde took a deep breath and their eyes met. Raven didn't know how much she misses those pair of baby blue orbs and somehow, the twinkle in the blonde's eyes is dull.

"Raven? I...I know that you have already forgiven me for what I've done" Apple paused, there's a building lump in her throat as she gulped and speak again.

"But I know that something has changed between us. I know how terrible I was. For how I treated you ever since you refused to sign the Storybook of Legends, I pushed you to do something evil for the sake of my own happily ever after. I never listened to you. I was a horrible friend"

Her voice broke, her tears are forming on the corners of her eyes. Raven remained silent, she can't read the expression she's wearing right now. 'Hah, I knew it. she's still mad' she thought.

"Again, I'm so sorry, and-," Apple shook her head, squeezing her lids shut, avoiding her tears to fall. "-I really don't like how we are right now. everything has changed. I know I deserved it, But Raven-"

Apple can't hold it back any longer as she put both hands in her face. her voice is shaking as she spoke, tears are streaming down her pale cheeks. this hurts more than she can ever imagine. she tried to calm herself down as she wiped her tears away. she looked at Raven, locking her gaze in those deep lavender eyes that she adored the most.

"I miss you"

"I see you every day, we had some little talks, but you feel so far away. this newfound distance between us is killing me, Raven. I miss everything about us. I want this wedge between us to disappear. I miss you so much and it hurts"

Apple wiped her tears again, her voice is becoming hoarse as she swallowed the thick lump on her throat. she didn't know what to say anymore but her heart is still hammering violently in her chest. she looks pathetic, not so princess-y with all this ugly crying, but she doesn't care. she wants Raven back. she is also aware that Raven might not trust her again for what she did and that hurts like a brick, but she is more willing to win her dear friend back.

"I just can't hold this any longer, it feels heavy and it sucks. I know that you won't forgive me wholely, and I know you won't trust me anymore, but I want you to know that I'll do anything to win you back, Raven. You're-special to me. you're my friend and I...I can't lose you" Apple feels so small at this point, but she means everything she said.

the blonde princess was about to say something again when she feels something shifted in the bed, before she can even speak, she was already enveloped in a tight hug.

Raven is hugging her. and it seems like the raven-haired girl didn't want to let her go for any moment now.

"R-Raven?"

Raven has scooted closer to wrap Apple in a tight hug, hot tears are swelling on the corners of her eyes as she let out a sigh. she may be ignoring the blonde most of the time but she can't deny forever that she misses her too. seeing her roommate like this broke her heart, she had never seen Apple this vulnerable and small before.

"Apple, I'm sorry"

"Why are you apologizing? Raven, you did nothing wrong" Apple loosens herself from the hug to look straight at Raven's eyes, the gap between them is just inches away. she raised her right hand and placed it lightly on the witch's pale cheek. Raven stared back, blinking her tears away. she took a deep breath as she touched the blonde's hand.

"I'm sorry if I set this distance between us. I was hurt, Apple. I needed time to heal. But you know what? I can't just drive you away from me forever because...you're my friend. I know we had a rough relationship before, but that's all in the past now. Yes, I already forgave you, but I thought I still need a little time for me to refresh that's why I avoided you… most of the time"

Apple feels like crying again. her lips are quivering as she opens her mouth to say something, but no words coming out. she just wanted to cry right now. She can't believe that Raven is apologizing to her for the fact that she did nothing wrong. 'Raven is too good to be like her mother'. she thought silently.

She once stated before when they were trapped in Wonderland for the first time, where Raven fully inherited her mother's dark powers, she saw how powerful Raven can be if she'll follow her mother's evil path. and there she realized that the young witch's heart is too good to be evil.

"You don't deserve to be treated like this, Apple. I know you made mistakes, even though you were so selfish before, I was still hoping that one day you'll change and you'll finally understand me. and I saw that you already did. I'm happy about that"

the witch didn't break their eye contact, her lips curled into a small smile as she put a loose strand of blonde hair behind Apple's ear.

"I miss you too, Apple"

Raven pulled the blonde princess again for another hug, stroking the soft blonde tresses as she inhaled Apple's sweet cinnamon scent. Apple starts to sob in their hug, the witch rubbed her back soothingly, cooing sweet words to the sobbing blonde.

"Thank you, Raven. this means so much to me" Apple said between her sobs as she buried her face to the dark-haired girl's chest. Raven placed her chin on top of the blonde's head, smiling. they both missed each other's company. the warmth of each other's body, the affection they shared in their friendship. somehow Raven wondered before if there will be a day where she can wrap her arms around her favorite blonde again, and here they are now, finally in each other's arms.

"Do you still want me to be your friend, Raven?"

"Of course, silly. we will always be friends forever after"

the future Snow White faced the young witch again, now beaming a wide smile, happy tears are still present on her pale cheeks. She wants to stay like this forever, enveloped in her favorite witch's warm hugs and never let go.

"Thank you, Raven. I promised to change for the better and I won't let you down again"

xxxxx

[lovelivingmydreams]

A might have been

Because I needed my @kingcreativityau fix and my brain does not shut up.

So… What if King didn’t split before Instinct formed? Does that lead to a happily ever after for all?

Instinct opened his eyes. He had eyes now. And there were many eyes staring back at him.

There was only one pair that mattered right now though.

“K-king?” he asked, not quite clear on how he knew it. He just did.

The familiar eyes lit up and the figure they belonged to, warm and bright and… good, turned to a cool presence and shook it.

“He recognizes me!!!” he exclaimed. It was loud but familiar, so instinct was able to ignore the initial urge to jump back at the sound. King turned back to him while he blinked away the last bits of disorientation and confusion. Trying to identify more things. King was moving from one foot to the other excitedly, but biting his lip and clenching his fists to give him the time. It made him smile. He was right. King was his friend.

There were two other sides flanking King, and one standing a bit farther to the back.

“Yes, yes…” the cool side grumbled as he straightened himself out before directing his curious bespectacled gaze to Instinct. “It is rather fascinating. Never before has a side shown any indication of retaining any kind of memory of before his manifestation.”

Instinct took note of the tone of voice and found a name to go with it. “Logic?” he asked. This surprised the side. “I… Yes…” he confirmed.

“Oooooh! Me next!!!” the shortest side giggled.

Instinct frowned, it wasn’t as clear in his mind as the other two, but a title eventually came, much to his relief. He didn’t want to disappoint anyone.

“Morality?”

The excited squeal told him he was right.

“Perhaps he simply knows more because he formed later in Thomas’ life,” Logic suggested.

“Come now Logic. Why is it so hard to believe that he learned all about us through king?” Morality objected.

Instinct felt very lost right now. Why were they talking about him like that? Could they still not see him?

He thought he manifested right. He wasn’t as tall as most of the others but he was here right? Was he not finished? Maybe he was just a shadow and a voice? Not good enough to be considered one of them yet…

“Don’t mind  them. They still have to get used to you being here. Wanna go play in the imagination with me? I have so much to show you!” King gushed reaching out a hand, but waiting for Instinct to take it. The newly formed side lifted a trembling hand and reached out. Once the appendage came into view Instinct felt a little bit more encouraged, he was visible it seemed and then his fingers touched the offered palm.

And just like that instinct relaxed completely. He was here after all.

The two other sides paused their conversation and Morality looked like he felt very bad, even Logic seemed too embarrassed to meet anyone’s gaze. “Oh I am so sorry instinct! We didn’t mean to ignore you. It’s all just so exciting, we tend to get carried away,” the short, bespectacled side assured him.

“Indeed. My apologies as well. I should have realized that you are now here and more than capable of understanding and answering any questions we may have.”

“After I show him around!” King stated firmly, but then he seemed to catch himself and looked back down at Instinct a little sheepish. “Unless you want to stay here for a bit first?”

Instinct thought about that. He didn’t feel like being around a lot of people right now.

And getting to know the mindscape a bit more sounded like a good idea.

“I’ll come with you,” he stated before turning to Logic and Morality. “We’ll talk later okay?”

The two sides nodded and waved them off, the other side who hadn’t talked to him yet -was that Deceit?- was walking away. Instinct didn’t have time to ask. King pulled him along, pointing things out and telling him all about them, often getting of track until Instinct pointed at something specific and asked about it.

Instinct soon settled into the mindscape.

He kept a close eye on Thomas and ensured they didn’t get in danger, or got anyone mad at them. He was very careful about upsetting the others as well. That didn’t mean he never messed up.

“I’m sorry Morality! Please, don’t cry…” he whispered soothingly as he hugged the slightly smaller boy.

“Instinct what is going on?” Logic asked as he and King appeared in the common space.

“There was a scary shadow and… I thought…I didn’t mean to upset Morality I promise!” Instinct pleaded. He directed his eyes mainly at King.

He was keeping Thomas up with his worries. Meaning he was keeping him from dreaming. King was going to be mad, he just knew it.

“You feared there was an intruder and you went to Morality for comfort yes?” Logic deduced.

Instinct nodded, wringing at the corners of the hooded blanket King gave him when it became clear that soft textures and hiding away his face made Instinct feel more comfortable at times.

“Oh, Instinct. Why didn’t you come to me? You know I’ll gladly get rid of any creeps that lurk in the night?” King wondered.

“I… Yes, but you were hard at work making a dream for Thomas and…”

“Then why not come to me? I could have explained any shadows or sounds like usual…”

Instinct knew all that. He didn’t know why he’d gone to Morality. He knew that wouldn’t end well. It never did. But…

“I already bothered you enough today and…” And now he’d bothered them even more. Instinct tried not to be in the way too much. But everything made him wonder.

How did they know the bike would keep steady? Why was Shea crying? Would the teacher be mad if they asked that question? How could they make Mom smile?

“King will you take care of Instinct? I’ll talk to Morality,” Logic suggested.

King nodded and put a gentle hand on Instinct’s back to lead him away.

“Sorry,” the youngest side muttered one last time.

“It’s no problem Instinct. What did you say to send Morality in such a state though?” King wondered.

“I… I told him about the shadow and I tried to do what Logic does. I tried to ‘reason’ and say that if it was something bad, mom and dad would protect us. But… But then I got afraid something would happen to them and… Morality didn’t like that,” he muttered. Why did he have to bring up those scary things all the time?

“Well… You are right. Something could always happen,” King nodded slowly.

Instinct cringed at the thought. “But… Dad is very brave. I don’t think there is any challenge he couldn’t overcome,” the creative side assured him.

“Really?” Instinct asked hopefully.

“Really. And mother is very smart, I’m sure she can outwit any bad guy.”

King was so certain of it that Instinct couldn’t doubt him.

“Thank you King. I’m sorry I kept Thomas up,” he muttered.

“No worries. Let’s go to the dream room, I’m sure now that you and Morality are calming down, Thomas will be needing a marvelous adventure soon.”

Instincts eyes widened. “You still want me there? What if I mess up again?”

“You won’t. At most you’ll come up with exciting challenges for us to overcome. Logic did say that dreams can help us overcome the worries of the day right? So you have to be there!”

Instinct chuckled as King pulled him to the dream room.

Logic did manage to calm down Morality, who ensured Instinct that he wasn’t mad with him in any way. But they all agreed that it was better that Instinct relied on the two older looking sides when he needed reassurance for the time being. Morality was very comforting and understanding, but he could easily be swept up by his own emotions. Logic predicted that as they got older, this would change.

So instinct stuck to asking Logic his questions. Though he often had to turn to King anyway if he needed to truly be reassured. Logic had a way of… Stating the odds. And while knowing that the chance of getting struck by lightning was really small was enough reassurance for most. In Instinct’s mind any chance was too risky sometimes.

King however could coax him from under his cover and let them all enjoy the way the light danced across the sky as he told silly stories about the thunder.

And as Instinct, and therefore Thomas, started to rely on creativity to soothe his fears some of King’s old power returned.

“So you see, you are actually the bravest of us all! A real royal knight!” King exclaimed with a flourish of his hand. Before Instinct could argue, his soft sweater and hooded blanket changed into a knight costume, baring King’s sigil.

Instincts eyes widened in awe and King was speechless.

“Ah, king I wished to discuss… What is going on?” Logic wondered as he found Instinct staring down at himself and King looking at his hands stunned.

“My powers are back…” he muttered.

“I am sorry. What?” Logic asked confused.

“Not as they were… but…” Then King grabbed Instincts hands and started dancing around with him. “My powers! Oh Instinct! Such joyous day!”

Morality was happy about this development as well. Logic however was slightly concerned. With the strange outbursts King kept having… Was it safe for him to have that power again?

He’d thought Instinct was only helping keep King in check.

He’d noticed a significant increase in Thomas’ ability to concentrate, since Instinct often pleaded with King not to distract Thomas. Fearing sever punishment should they get bad grades. Logic had to admit he didn’t put as much effort in rationalizing those worries as he did others. It was selfish, he knew, but he could finally work in peace.

On occasion King even helped visualize the material in ways that made it easier for Thomas to understand and remember.

In retrospect this might have been a long time coming. Thomas was using his creativity in more daily tasks again, even if it was in more practical ways. To deal with his studies, to deal with his emotions… King might no longer be able to convince Thomas that reality was something different than what it was. But he had once more gained the ability to change the mindscape, change them, to some extent. Which wasn’t too terrible, King seemed to have learned to take others into consideration when making decisions… But those outbursts.

King’s first order of business turned out to be to give Instinct a way to deal with his worries on his own. “It’ll be good for you to conquer Thomas’ fears on your own! Just visualize, and then turn them into something harmless.”

It’d taken a while for Instinct to manage to turn the shadows he could only yell threats at until they dissolved into bunnies, puppies and kittens. But he managed.

Now if King and Logic were busy and couldn’t help him out he could just catch whatever it was and that made him feel in control.

One afternoon, King was helping Thomas with a drawing and Logan was preparing for a math problem after, when Instinct found himself struggling with a rather large ‘stress bunny’ as they’d dubbed them.

“Oh, no you don’t! I won’t let you hurt Thomas!” Instinct insisted as he chased the creature. Determined to succeed, even though it whispered doubts and worries into his ears that made part of him want to run up to king and beg him not to show anyone the drawing.

“If they hate it, it’ll hurt him!” the whisper insisted.

But instinct was focused on catching the bunny. King wouldn’t show anyone anything if he wasn’t completely satisfied. Besides he often asked their opinion on it before showing it off anyway. If it was really a problem, Instinct could handle that later. After he took down this damn Bunny.

“Need a hand?” a smooth, pleasant voice wondered. Instinct froze along with the bunny.

Once he realized that the bunny was distracted, the young side jumped on the bunny grinning in triumph as it dissolved. He had confronted the thoughts and showed them who was boss!

Now, who had helped distract them?

Instinct looked up and took the side in. He looked like a preteen. Older than him and Morality, but younger than King. Maybe more Logic’s age?

Not that that meant anything. If they looked their age, Instinct should still be a baby.

Or they’d all be around six years old like Thomas.

Anyway. Instinct knew who this was, the same way he’d known everyone else. He smiled brightly and waved in greeting. “Hi Deceit. Finally decided to meet me?” he wondered.

Why, he didn’t know but this was the first time he’d seen him up close since he formed. He could sometimes see him hanging at the edge of his peripheral. Sometimes human sometimes as a snake. But never anywhere near any of them.

“Maybe,” Deceit muttered, looking around tensely.

Instinct got up and reached out a hand in greeting. “I’m instinct. I keep Thomas safe,” he greeted.

Deceit hesitated, looking from the hand to his face and back. Slowly he reached out…

“Instinct!” The side in question jumped at his name being called. He looked around and there was king. Oh! Wait until he heard about this!

“King! You should have seen it! It was a stress bunny half my size and it was so fast! But then Deceit distracted it and I got it! I wasn’t even a little afraid!” he exclaimed proudly.

“That’s… Great Instinct. Why don’t you go tell the others. I want you all to check over the drawing Thomas made before we give it to Mother.”

Instinct nodded and waved goodbye to Deceit who waved back. “Until next time, Instinct.”

Once Instinct was out of earshot King turned to Deceit with a glare.

“Forgotten to tell your pet to stay away from the big bad snake did you?” Deceit taunted bitterly.

“Instinct is my friend!” King bellowed. “And you will never speak to him again if you know what’s good for you!” his eyes flared red with his passion.

“Why haven’t you told him to stay away?” Deceit wondered, pretending like the whole conversation didn’t both hurt and terrify him.

“Telling him about you means telling him about Logic. And he needs the nerd to calm down on occasion. If he can’t rely on him… Besides, the nerd has actually tried to be decent. And he never pretended to be my friend.” That got Deceit’s attention.

“I was… I am… Why can’t you see that that day wasn’t about us!?” Deceit pleaded, façade dropping.

“There is no us… Maybe there never was.”

Deceit latched onto the hurt in King’s voice. Twisted as it may be. The fact that it hurt King too meant that it had meant something. Which also made this new normal hurt so much more.

“So what? You’ve replaced me so I can rot away on the sidelines all by myself?” he bit.

“Don’t you dare compare yourself to Instinct. He actually has an opinion. He is shy about sharing it sometimes, but he will tell me when he has doubts about my ideas. Which is what it means to be a true friend! They tell you when you are getting in over your head and stop you from doing something that makes everyone turn against you!”

Deceit staggered back with the force of the outburst.

“This is the last time I’ll let you get away with this. I see you anywhere near him again…”

King’s eyes flashed green and he didn’t finish his threat. He just squeezed his eyes shut and stalked away.

They all knew there were still things they needed to learn about Instinct. And that Instinct would most likely grow into other things over time. Knowing that something was coming sooner or later didn’t mean they were prepared for it though.

“I don’t think they are really friends with Christian,” Instinct muttered.

A group of older kids had approached Thomas as he was playing in the front yard. They said they were friends with his older brother and asked him to go get their ball for them a few houses over.

“Even if they’re not… We should help them though right?” Morality suggested.

“But won’t the old man get mad that we trespassed?” he tried again.

“The plan they proposed is very thoroughly planned out.” If Logic was on board, usually that would calm Instinct down but… This still didn’t feel right.

“But we’ll need their help to get back over the gate. What if they run off?” he insisted.

“That would be dishonorable and cowardly! If they dare, we’ll make our way back over the gate ourselves and get reinforcements!” King declared.

Instinct looked around frantically. No. This was wrong. All wrong he couldn’t let this happen.

“No!” He yelled so loud and forceful that it bypassed all of them and came out of Thomas’ mouth just as commanding. Surprising the boys and alerting mother.

“Thomas? What’s going on?” Mother’s voice called out in alarm.

“Run!” one of the boys shouted and they all fled the scene while Thomas burst into tears.

Instinct was still reeling from his own outburst and looking around at the others, worried he’d overstepped.

“S-s-spider!” Morality whimpered. Instinct looked around in a panic. Spider? Where? The others were scared of spiders. He had to get rid of them if there… Then he saw the arachnid legs in his peripheral. He felt them. He was the spider.

Only now did he notice his senses had sharpened. He could feel so much. He could even feel the other’s breathing.

And they were all frightened. Of him.

He shot off. Running as fast as he could. And with four extra legs he was very fast.

He went farther away from the central consciousness than he ever had in his life.

He collapsed under a gorgeous willow at the edge of the mindscape.

He only registered the willow because he couldn’t not see. He saw and heard and felt… It was almost overwhelming.

He also saw the snake curled up in the tree, but he didn’t care. He collapsed and curled up on himself nestling against the trunk, hidden by the leaves. He sat there shaking. For a second, a minute, a year…

He was so full of doubt and self-loathing. Time was irrelevant.

“Will you at least be quiet? Some sides like to wallow in peace.” The snake, Deceit, hissed.

“S-sorry,” Instinct whispered, trying not to upset the snake even more.

“Oh, my. That’s quite the transformation. A complete 180 from cute ten year old wouldn’t you think?” Instinct looked up. Deceit was curled up in a hole in the tree above his head and looking down on him.

Instinct shivered. “I didn’t… Mean to... I just… Thomas was… Something bad was going to happen and I just had to. Do something.”

“Is he still in danger?” the snake wondered as he made his way down the trunk and righted himself in front of Instinct.

“Well…” Instinct thought about it. Mom was with Thomas. Everything would be okay now.

“No…” he admitted.

“Then why not drop the scary act? We both know you aren’t that tough. Or maybe the cute kid is the act. I don’t know. What do you think?”

“I don’t want anyone to be scared of me. I never did!” Instinct insisted. He wanted everyone to be safe. That was all.

“So, what is this then? Didn’t they listen to sweet little instinct, so you had to be a big bad spider to protect Thomas?” It wasn’t accusatory. And… Maybe a little right.

“I didn’t do it on purpose,” Instinct repeated.

“I believe you. You wouldn’t be able to lie to me anyway,” Deceit assured him.

“I… Thanks.” Somehow, someone believing him, helped. And just like that he felt himself going back to normal. And then Deceit was in front of him in his human form.

“Good job,” he praised gently.

“Why don’t the others ever talk to you? You seem nice,” Instinct frowned. He didn’t know how he got so bold, but the question had been plaguing his mind since day one.

“I’m Deceit. I can’t be trusted… They probably have a point not wanting to be friends with me. Not unless they need something.”

Instinct thought about that. “Well…” he sat up straighter.

“Maybe I can talk to them? If they don’t kick me out for earlier that is.”

Deceit gave Instinct a sad smile. “That’s nice, but I’d rather you didn’t. You are alright Instinct. I should be going…”

“Instinct?! Instinct where are you?”

Instinct almost called King over, but then saw Deceit stiffen.

“Hide,” he mouthed instead as he walked out from between the tree branches.

“I’m here,” he announced softly.

King let out a sigh of relieve, hurried over and knelt down to talk more on Instinct’s height.

“I’m so glad you are safe,” he told him. “King! Oh goodness! You found him!”

Morality exclaimed as he and Logic joined them.

“I told you this would be where he’d go,” King pointed out slightly smugly.

“Yes, you did,” Logic nodded as he turned to Instinct.

“Instinct. We wanted you to know that Mom is not upset with Thomas.”

“She said it was brave to say ‘no’!” King exclaimed in excitement.

“I’m so sorry I got scared!” Morality rushed worriedly.

“I think that was the point actually,” Logic suggested.

“I didn’t want to scare you!” Instinct exclaimed, horrified that Logic would suggest that.

“I am sure that was not your conscious intension. But I meant… It has been clear for some time that you are more than just a base instinct. You are fear. In general.”

Fear… That, did sound better.

“Yeah…” He looked at king. “Would it be okay? If I am Fear? Are we still friends?” he asked timidly. He had been rather forceful. Maybe King didn’t like Fear as much as he did instinct.

“I promise I won’t do… I won’t abuse that thing I did back there. I don’t even know how I did it…”

King pulled Fear in for a hug. “Of course we are still friends. No matter how often your name changes, that won’t.”

Fear relaxed at that.

Morality squealed at the sweet display.

“This calls for cookies! Maybe even double servings!” he gushed as he led the way back to the central consciousness. King let go of Fear, who darted out to the front to talk with Logic about what he thought his role was exactly. Of course he wanted to understand as much as possible right away.

King held back a little. His eyes flashing red.

“I know you’re back there,” he growled.

“I didn’t do anything. I was here when he came storming in…” Deceit pleaded.

“You expect me to believe you stayed hidden? That you didn’t say a word?” King growled, not looking back.

“I… I just helped him calm down enough to put his spider form away. Nothing else!” Deceit swore.

“Stay away from him you slimy two faced snake!” King looked back and Deceit could see one eye, looking down at him with pure hatred. Glowing red and then green as a wicked grin split across his face.

“Now that would be funny,” he chuckled cruelly to himself, before he turned fully, eyes wide in horror. Deceit doubled over as he felt his left side burning and itching… What was happening?

King righted himself. “I warned you… You did this to yourself.”

Lie, it was a lie. King tried to act like this was intended, but even as Deceit’s vision twisted and he saw the scales appear on his left hand, he could tell that King was just as shocked as he was. “Please!” he begged, but king turned and started walking away.

“I’ll take it back when you’ve learned your place!” he barked before leaving him behind.

King didn’t tell the others about what happened. Not even Fear. Even if part of him wanted to talk about it. He didn’t have to worry anyone. He just had to get control over these… Thoughts, ideas. What if he’d done that to someone important? To a dream? To Fear?

No he wouldn’t. Fear was his friend. He wouldn’t hurt his friend.

Or so he thought.

There had been slip ups of course. Saying a weird thing, or a suggestion that was dangerous or ‘bad’.

In the moment they seemed brilliant but one look at the incredulous faces of the others made him realize just what he suggested and hurriedly corrected himself.

“I’m kidding! Of course we can’t do that!” he’d laugh.

He was pretty sure Logic didn’t buy his excuses.

He could handle Logic’s suspicions, his attempts at getting King to talk about it and the way he and Morality would look at him like he’d gone insane. But Fear, he looked terrified by those suggestions. He hated that he did that. He was supposed to make things easier on him. Not worse.

And of course, Fear was around when he made a real big mistake.

As good as the young worrier had gotten at conquering fears, he still preferred to find comfort with his friends. Today he was worried about going on their first big bicycling trip with the family.

“We aren’t ready! What if we can’t keep up? What if we fall and cut open our knee?” he fretted. King had thought that this was a case were Logic would be better suited, but he wanted to at least try to comfort his friend. He would come to regret that decision.

The image of bleeding knees stuck with him. Exposed bone, infections…

All kinds of horrid, disgusting thoughts sprung from that and he didn’t realize he was saying them out loud until Fear used his spider voice.

“Stop!” King wasn’t forced to be quiet this time. Fear was holding back his influence it seemed. But the raw emotion was just as effective.

“I don’t like this game King! Please stop!” he cried shakily.

King immediately fell to his knees to comfort his friend. “I am so sorry Fear. I was thinking out loud. I didn’t even realize. I never… I’m sorry,” he chocked. He had upset him. He’d upset Fear. He didn’t have it under control. He needed help.

King looked up. And the last thing he saw was Fear’s pleading eyes overflowing with tears.

“Oh…” Fear breathed as he whipped away the tears and calmed down, relieved his friend was back to himself.

“I get that. My thoughts do that too. It’s okay. Logic has been teaching me to manage it.”

King nodded. Yes. Logic would know what to do. Maybe they could handle these thoughts like Fear’s worries. Push them out and take them down. Just more permanently.

“Good idea, I’ll go talk to him right away.”

“I can help too!” Fear insisted. “I can teach you what I’ve learned.” The younger side was eager to help his friend for once instead of the other way around.

He was brushed aside though, assured that it wouldn’t be long.

Fear didn’t manage to stay away though. A feeling of dread filling his stomach. King wouldn’t do something stupid would he?

Ice filled Fear’s veins. King would absolutely do something stupid.

Fear kept him from jumping from too high. Fear kept him from looking in dark alleys.

Fear started running. He had to stop him. Whatever he was doing, it wasn’t going to be good. “King!” He called out. He was caught by Morality in a normally soothing embrace. But now it was only a restraint. “It’s okay kiddo. We all agree this is best for Thomas,” he heard muttered in his ear. Fear shook his head.

“I didn’t agree! I disagree! Please! Please King don’t!” he begged. But he could see that it was too late. King was buckled over with whatever he was doing to himself, Logic only two steps away trying to talk creativity trough whatever crazy plan they’d come up with.

Time passed and due to a joint effort of the twins Fear forgave himself for losing King, coming out of a self-imposed isolation after a few months. He also forgave the others. Knowing that they truly only wanted to do what King asked. And if the twins weren’t angry with them, he had really no place.

He and the boys got along even when the twins were fighting.

Said fights were often put to an end by him putting his foot down and getting them to talk things out. They were brothers after all. No one understood what it was like to be them like them.

King sort of kept his promise. It didn’t matter that King was now Roman and Remus or that Instinct was Fear, Anxiety or Virgil. The three of them stayed friends.

Bad horror movies with Remus, Disney marathons with Roman… Virgil would always miss his first friend, but he wouldn’t trade the twins for anything.

Thomas still struggled a little with his social anxiety at times, but he had a good relationship with Virgil on the whole. While Virgil told the others his name right away, it took him a while to tell Thomas. Mostly because he just… Well he was nervous. None of the others divulged this information for him, respecting that he had his reasons to wait.

Things got bad though. He ducked out. After months of dealing with Thomas’ issues as a group Virgil came to the conclusion that he was the problem, despite his best efforts.

  Virgil opened his eyes. Something had knocked him back pretty hard. Had he been knocked unconscious? For how long?

That train of thought was put aside by the group immediately collectively breaking down his door and almost begging him to never leave again.

When Janus showed up for the first time there was some tension between him and Roman. Things were always tenser between him and the good creativity than the bad.

And after two rounds of manipulating Roman for his own agenda Virgil is not a fan of him either. Impersonating Patton and Logan was one thing, but upsetting Princey?

Until that moment they’d been friends, even if Virgil spoke out against him a lot on a professional level, they got along great. He even suggested trying to talk to the twins about reversing king’s accidental curse, though Janus had declined.

Now however Virgil felt like he was forced to choose. And he resolutely chose for Roman.

Roman and Remus both at one point swore to Virgil to never leave him after he had a nightmare.

The last thing the twins see is Virgil looking on in horror and betrayal.

He looked up and found two figures in front of him… Patton? Why was he sitting like that? Was he hurt? Who would…?

Virgil looked up and gasped, drawing the attention of the imposing figure that was towering over Patton’s shaking form. No… No… This couldn’t be happening. He’d mourned and put all that behind him! And this… This was a mockery of everything any previous creativity stood for. This had to be a sick nightmare.

“Ah, Fear. How are you doing my old friend?”

[musette22]

no attack to you because I know you're still bitter about endgame which is valid but stop using the word straighwashed. I ship stucky but Bucky has only ever dated women in comics and the mcu and that's real. the situation with the "straightwashed" word is that some people are really turning it into a "wanda situation" in which they're saying that they changed basic things about Bucky when that's not true. they're attacking the character and sebastian for things that arent real, which never were. again, bucky has only ever dated women in both comics and the mcu. our headcanons really have nothing to do with real canon

Hello! Thank you for sharing your concerns, I appreciate it. I’ll admit that ‘straightwashing’ wasn’t the best choice of words here, though mostly because we have to be careful with terms like that because using them callously might diminish their value and impact in instances when they’re really applicable. So my statement was a little too bold, and it’s good that you pointed that out. But let me try to explain what I meant in a slightly more nuanced way, because I do feel strongly about this. I’ll put it under the keep reading tab though, because of course it’s long lmao

So, first of all, let me say that I’ve never read the comics and I don’t know original comic Bucky well at all, so everything I’m saying here is with regard to MCU Bucky, or at least the character as it was re-invented/re-introduced by Ed Brubaker in the Winter Soldier comics, which was then adapted for the big screen by the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

I understand what you mean when you say that MCU Bucky was posited as straight, but I some reservations about your use of the word ‘real’ here. I get that you mean ‘canon’, and on a surface level, canon Bucky is indeed straight. But if you even so much as scratch that surface, you’ll find plenty of reason to wonder if maybe he isn’t actually completely straight after all, right? It’s what drew a lot of people to ship these two characters together, you and I included. That’s subtext, and a lot of it was put there or endorsed by the creators themselves (Ed Brubaker himself even supports the reading of Bucky and Steve as romantic, so that says quite a bit, I think). Subtext is ‘real’ too, and so is homophobia, sadly, so they deserve to be treated as such, in my opinion. A romantic reading of the relationship between Steve and Bucky was frequently hinted at, initially even encouraged, and then violently shut down by Marvel/Disney when it became too mainstream of an opinion and it didn’t suit them anymore, and even started to present a real issue for them in terms of distribution to certain parts of the world. In a nutshell, that’s what led to Steve’s ending in Endgame, because Captain America (at least the MCU one, that brings in the money) cannot outwardly be anything other than straight, or he would be rejected by a significant part of their audience. That’s more or less what I meant by the word ‘straightwashing’, although ‘straightened out’ might be more accurate here.

Whether the same thing is happening to Bucky’s character remains to be seen (more than it already did, I mean – remember “Dot”?) and I’ll wait until the whole show has aired and we know exactly how they develop Bucky’s character in it before I make any more bold statements about it. I read an interesting take today that suggested they may have actually dropped a hint at Bucky being bi in this first ep (also, note how they’re like “there are even entire blogs dedicated to this pairing!” And then actually link to @steveandbvcky’s amazing tumblr blog lol). I’m pretty skeptical about this take, because even if they’re right and that really was a hint at Bucky being bi, I doubt they’re going to be exploring that any further, and only people “in the know” will have even picked up on that. It’s easy enough to ignore, and it’s very clear the date was with a woman, so in that sense Bucky is still Straight, to all intents and purposes. So while it could be an act of what you might call fanservice and we’ll probably gratefully lap it up anyway because we’re starved for crumbs and representation, if this is all it is, then it’s even more meaningless than Gay Joe Russo. But again, I’ll reserve judgement on all this until the whole show has aired and we know exactly what we’re working with, because maybe they’ll redeem themselves! (one can only hope)

Let me also just make it clear that I in no way support or endorse attacking the actors for their portrayal of these characters in a way that we’re not entirely happy with. They’re just doing their job, they’re on Marvel’s payroll – and even if they just don’t personally view the characters in the same way we do, that’s valid and fine as long as they’re not actively homophobic or anything like that. I also realise that fandom has a tendency to ‘demand’ certain things they want to see and throw a tantrum if we don’t get it. 

But I really don’t think that’s what this is. It’s more than that. Marvel has a notoriously bad track record when it comes to LGBT representation (although they’re working on that in the next phase, apparently) and in this day and age, that really won’t fly anymore (it never did of course, but you know what I mean). Moreover, read any given article about Bucky, or the relationship between Steve and Bucky, and 8 out of 10 times you’ll find some sort of acknowledgment of a romantic reading of it. It’s that apparent and pervasive. So I don’t think that being disappointed and frustrated with Marvel/Disney reinforcing a ‘just bros being bros’ reading of Steve and Bucky’s relationship time and time again since the end of Civil War (the movie, not the historical event) is outrageous or unjustified. That’s basically what I’m sick and tired of, and what led me to make a disparaging comment about not being surprised if Bucky were being ‘straightened out’ again.

P.s. A few people have mentioned Arnie Roth too, which could be a good point too although I don’t know enough about it to comment on it, but I’ll leave it to you.

[writesowhatnext]

your mission, should you choose to accept // blaise zabini

Summary: Gryffindor!reader wants to break Blaise Zabini. Good luck with that.

Request: nope

A/N: I think blaise zabini is an untapped resource that needs to be tapped ok also sorry I did the broom cupboard trope again but like I love it the close proximity sells - i really liked the start of this but then idk 

Reader: female, Gryffindor

Warnings: bad relationship with parents?

Everyone knew who Blaise Zabini was. He was notorious among your year at Hogwarts; you couldn’t say for what, exactly, but you had to admit he was very good-looking. He was smart, too, by the looks of it. He was also undeniably a massive arsehole. Blaise Zabini chose every word he said with a certain amount of care. Each sentence was deliberate. Each sigh, each eye-roll, each expression was picked specifically from his extensive repertoire. He was calculated and unbreakable and never reacted to anything particularly. The Gryffindor in you hated his lack of impulsiveness and so, you’d made it your mission to get him flustered. You wanted to break his perfect façade and you’d die trying. Well, maybe not.

With this new-found goal, you bounded into the Great Hall, quickly finding Harry, Ron and Hermione at the Gryffindor table. You sat down, fully aware of their eyes on you. Somehow, they knew that you were planning something – Ron recognised a similar look in Fred and George. You didn’t wait for them to ask.

“I’m going to break Blaise Zabini.”

They stared at you for a beat in complete silence before all three of them erupted in protest. You laughed, expecting this, as you waved your hands about to calm them down.

“Bloody hell, Y/N. He’s practically a death-eater!” Ron yelled, earning a glare from McGonagall across the hall.

“He’s not a death-eater, you git.” You rolled your eyes.

“How do you know that?” Harry asked, hands clutching a knife and fork.

“Because Slughorn doesn’t invite death-eaters to his little Christmas parties.”

“She has a point.” Hermione added, still unsure but less concerned for your overall wellbeing. All three of them knew they could never talk you out of anything, let alone something you had your mind so set on.

“Just because he’s not a death-eater doesn’t mean he’s not a prat.” Ron muttered. You stuck your tongue out at him.

“A prat that Y/N likes, apparently.” Harry frowned but finally began to carry on with his breakfast.

“No, no, no. I don’t like him.” you leant back, smirking. “I just want to break him.”

Ron scoffed, crumbs falling from his lips.

“Sounds healthy.”

“Shove off, Ron.” You flicked some bread crust from the table at him.

“Are you sure this is a good idea, Y/N?” Hermione asked. Her worried glance was almost enough for you to drop the whole thing. Almost.

“I’ll be fine, ‘Mione.” Your serious expression morphed into a grin. “It’s just a bit of fun, anyways.”

You looked across the hall to the Slytherin table. Zabini was sitting near Draco Malfoy. He was clearly unimpressed with the loud chatter coming from Crabbe and Goyle; the bored distaste on his face was delightful. You kissed your teeth.

“I’ll be back.” You said to your friends, ignoring their protests as your stalked towards the Slytherin table. You didn’t have a plan, really, but that was half of the fun. When Malfoy noticed your approach, a decidedly irritated look passed over his features.

“What are you doing here?” he asked as you got closer, Malfoy the only obstacle between you and Zabini. “Did Potter send you-“

“Piss off, Malfoy.”

Your raised voices attracted some attention with most of the Slytherin and now Ravenclaw table watching you. You couldn’t really bring yourself to care. Zabini was facing you, two random girls opposite him. Stopping behind them, aware that they had turned to face you, you locked eyes with Zabini. A smirk lifted your cheek. A bit of fun indeed.

“Alright, piss off.” You said to the girls, looking down at them.

“Excuse me?” One said, frowning. You blew a raspberry, raising your hands to illustrate your point.

“Move.”

When they just stared at you blankly, you rolled your eyes and pushed between them. They moved out of the way fast enough then and there you were, sat directly in front of Blaise Zabini. You leant forward, resting your elbows on the table with your hands sitting on top of each other between them. He just stared at you, bored.

“Zabini.” You said, smiling. He only blinked before looking down at his newspaper.

“Yes?”

“I was wondering if you wanted to be my partner in potions today.”

You could feel hundreds of eyes on you, people whispering to each other about why you were at the Slytherin table.

“Why would I want to do that?”

You tongued your cheek, happy he was actually looking at you now, even if his gaze was still devoid of emotion.

“Why not?”

Part of you desperately wanted him to decline dramatically, to get a rise out of him. The other part of you knew you’d have a lot more fun if he accepted your offer.

“Okay.” He said, completely indifferent. You didn’t try to hide the wide smile stretching across your face.

“Cool,” you nodded. “See you there.”

As you left the table, you walked past the girls you had ousted, ignoring their muttering. You could feel the majority of the Slytherin table watching you, now giggling and whispering between them, but you didn’t care. You were slightly disappointed you couldn’t get any reaction from him, but you liked a challenge. Walking back to the Gryffindor table, you looked back at him, unsurprised to see him reading his newspaper, unbothered.

“Y/N, are you feeling okay?” Fred asked you as you passed the twins on the way to the others. George didn’t let you answer.

“Because it seems like you’ve gone completely barmy.”

As you began to talk to them, teasing and laughing, you didn’t notice Zabini’s eyes on the back of your head.

“I never thought I’d see you so excited to get to Potions.” Ron said as you practically skipped beside him.

“You hate it more than any of us.” Harry added, confused. Your face dropped for a moment at the thought of your least favourite subject before an excited smile lifted your cheeks.

“Don’t you remember?” Hermione rolled her eyes as you meandered through older Slytherins leaving the dungeon. “Y/N is going to be partners with Blaise Zabini.”

The two boys groaned, earning a bout of laughter from your lips.

“I still can’t believe you’re doing this.” Ron’s face was a picture of disgust.

“Little Ronniekins, this will be the most fun I’ve had in weeks.”

As you raced off to get a seat by Zabini, not letting him get out of your arrangement that easily, Ron groaned again, something about spending too much time with Fred and George.

When you walked into Potions, you say the back of Zabini’s head in the second row from the front, on his own. With your smile stretching even wider, you strolled up to him, dropping your books unceremoniously onto the bench. You didn’t realise, actually, how tall he was. You shook the thought away. He didn’t even look at you when you smiled up at him; he just sat down and pulled out his quill and some parchment. You pursed your lips, slightly put out, before following suit.

“Hello,” you said, tapping your dry quill onto the desk, hoping it would annoy him. “How’re you today?”

“Fine.”

His voice lacked any warmth possible but it wasn’t annoyed either. Complete indifference. You cursed him mentally, throwing the quill down and drumming your fingers in unplanned frustration.

“For the next four lessons,” Slughorn said, strangely cheery as ever. “You will work with your partners to produce the Antidote to Uncommon Poisons. You will produce the potion as well as… three metres-“ Ron groaned from the back of the class. “-Of parchment on its production, uses and disposal. You may start immediately.”

You rolled your eyes, muttering under your breath about how the stupid assignment was. You felt eyes on you but when you looked over at Zabini, he was writing.

“So, how do you wanna do this, partner?” you asked, turning towards him with your elbow on the desk. He didn’t look up until he had finished writing.

“I can write the instructions.”

You frowned.

“Surely the uses are the easiest part?”

Before he could reply, Slughorn appeared next to your bench with his hands clapped together and a smile on his face.

“I’m surprised you two are working together, I must say. I couldn’t have picked it better myself, actually, though. Two of my best students. I can’t wait to see your combined efforts on this assignment.”

When he left, you shot Zabini a deadpan look. When he didn’t reply, you raised your eyebrow. He just stared at you then, his face completely unreadable.

“Fine. We can do it together.”

“Wonderful.” You rested your chin on your hand. “Where should we start?”

The first lesson of being partners with Blaise Zabini tested your ability to be annoying, an ability that had never before been tested. At first, you spoke to him as much as possible, asked him dozens of questions about the stupidest things and to your disappointment, he was patient. Reluctant, albeit, but patient nonetheless. And so, the second half of the lesson required a different tactic. It appeared all of a sudden, you developed a clumsy streak. You dropped everything you came into contact with, without fail. The highlight for you personally was when he stood up to get a textbook. Helpful as ever, you shooed him away and told him you would get it for him. On the way back, you proceeded to drop it three times. It was obvious it was on purpose; not even Neville was that accident-prone and everyone looked at you each time it slammed to the floor. In the silence following each loud echo through the dungeon, sniggers could be heard from Ron and Harry’s table at the back of the class.

By the time you reached your bench again, Zabini held out an expectant hand, still writing notes.

“I got your textbook.” You said, smiling toothily as you handed it over. You relished the way he snatched it from you without a word, taking it as your first sign that Blaise Zabini was, in fact, breakable. Unfortunately, the lesson ended far too quickly; when you realised how little you’d done in that time, you found yourself grateful that you weren’t completely tragic at potions and resolved to finish your section in your own time. As Slughorn dismissed you, you looked up at Blaise, mouth twitching to fight a smile.

“Excellent working with you, partner. Until next time.”

And with that, you saluted him, bowed and left to catch up with Hermione, who was complaining about Neville’s scruffy penmanship.

The night before your next lesson, you’d not quite thought of what you would do to test Zabini this time; there were just too many options, you’d have to think more on it. Despite Harry and Ron’s pleas for you to do something fun, and probably against multiple Hogwarts rules, with them, you instead planned to spend your evening in the library. Whilst you had no moral qualm with messing with Zabini as a person, you drew the line at jeopardising his impeccable academic record. And so, you disappeared into the library, slightly distraught to see every table full. The worst part was that you didn’t recognise a single face to share a table with; that was until you saw a boy behind one of the shelves at the back at a desk made for two. You couldn’t help but smile as you approached, thankful for your luck.

“Can I sit here, please?” you asked, books and parchment clutched to your chest. He didn’t look up. He only pushed the chair out with his foot as an answer. Shocking the both of you, you didn’t try to annoy him when you sat down. As much as you enjoyed causing havoc and having fun, your grades were important to you and so, without intention, you absorbed yourself in your research. So much so, you barely heard him when he spoke.

“Is that the Potions assignment?” he asked, looking at you. You were surprised (pleasantly) that he had decided to initiate a conversation.

“Yes.” You noted that he still hadn’t looked away; progress. “Couldn’t get a lot done before: butterfingers, and all.”

He held your stare for a moment before turning back to his work, effectively ending the conversation but only spurring on your little mission. You had to give it to him, Blaise Zabini was smart, handsome and poised but you would never have had him pegged as interesting.

It must’ve only been an hour later when the twins appeared behind you, leaning over the shelves you were sat against. You didn’t see them to start with, but Blaise did. It was his quick glance upwards that caused you to turn around.

“Alright, Y/N?” they asked, strange grins on their faces.

“What have you done?”

“Us?”

“Nothing!”

“Tell me.”

“There’s nothing to tell, young one.”

“Is there anything you want to tell us?”

Fred’s eyes flicked to Zabini; you rolled your eyes.

“You have three seconds before I tell Madam Pince that it was you that set the dung-bombs off in here last year.”

“How do you know that?”

“We did no such thing!”

They huffed at each other.

“3…”

“We haven’t done anything!”

“2…”

“Fine. Fine.” Fred sighed, making placating motions with his hands. “We put exploding inkpots in the Slytherin common room.”

You barked a laugh before rubbing your eye with your finger.

“You two are the worst.”

“We know.”

“Okay, okay. Piss off; I won’t tell.”

“Thanks, Y/N.” They said in unison, identical smiles disappearing behind the bookshelf. With that, you turned back to Blaise who was, to your surprise, watching you.

“Are you gonna tell on them?” you asked, enjoying the eye contact.

“Tell on who?”

You couldn’t suppress your smile at his reply. He didn’t see it though; he was already looking at his parchment again.

You hadn’t forgotten your mission, so to speak, but the next time you had Potions was straight after breakfast the next day and your breakfast had not gone too well. Having your mum shout at you in the Great Hall about how stupid you were to be friends with Harry Potter, had not set you up well during the most important meal of the day. That’s why you ended up walking into Potions late with tears in your eyes and a complete lack of preparation on the Blaise Zabini front. Slughorn ignored your tardiness, thankfully, and just let you sit there, writing your notes for the essay. Blaise, however, didn’t seem so content to do so.

“Why are you crying?” he asked, giving you his full attention.

“I’m not crying.” You said, wiping your eye with the back of your hand. He shot you a dry look then, filled with more emotion than you’d ever seen him display – so much that you had to laugh at the sheer cynicism of it.

“My mum sent me a howler.”

He nodded at your words once before looking down and starting his work again.

“Families can be like that.”

Whilst not the most encouraging, comforting or sympathetic of responses, something about his words, maybe that it was him saying them, made you smile. You barely noticed it at the time but suddenly your reason for annoying Blaise became less for your own amusement and more for something else entirely.

Lesson three of Potions was one you had come fully prepared for: you had a well-stocked back pocket full of witty one liners, dreadful impressions and carefully timed jokes. Your aim was to annoy him and if you were lucky, perhaps crack a smile. With sixteen minutes left, you had failed on both counts. As unphased as ever, even your joke about Snape’s patronus being Margaret Thatcher didn’t get to him. Out of ideas and disappointed with his reaction to your performance, you decided to take your textbook back to the cupboard with a grumble. You hadn’t expected Malfoy to be behind you with armfuls of parchment, quills and inkpots because really, who just carries around the school’s stationery cupboard? Before you knew it, you had tripped over his feet, flying to the ground. Malfoy’s parchment floated in the air, quills spinning in circles as they hit the ground. He’d managed to keep hold of most of the inkpots but one fell on your head, exploding as it made contact. You closed your eyes and cursed Fred and George.

The silence that followed was deafening; even Slughorn had nothing to contribute. What you did hear, though, was a loud snort from your bench. Was Blaise Zabini laughing at you? Was making a twat of yourself the only thing you had to do?

“What did you do that for?”

“Bugger off, Malfoy!”

“You walked into me, you filthy-!”

“Why are you walking around with that stuff?”

“Not that it’s your business, but Professor Snape asked me-“

“Alright, alright,” Slughorn interrupted your squabbling, uttering a spell to clean up the damage. “I think we better dismiss class early after this little incident.”

You muttered under your breath, going to stand up when you noticed a dark hand offered towards you. Looking up at Blaise, you took it rather warily. He pulled you up, eyes moving from your face to your hair as you were righted. Your hands followed his eyes and you grimaced as you pulled back your hand to see your palm coated in blue ink. Fred and George were so dead. You looked at Blaise to see him smirking, a feat that made your heart leap slightly in your chest; you cursed yourself for getting so involved in this stupid mission. He packed up his things and moved to walk past you, stopped when he was right beside you. He leant closer, only slightly, and whispered in your ear.

“That would be karma, I suppose.”

Shaken by his words, you turned to face him, only able to watch him disappear out the door. Blaise Zabini was sure a hard nut to crack and you decided, biting your lip to contain your grin, that this game had gotten a lot more fun. Speaking of fun, though, you first had to get your own back on Fred and George.

A perfect plan, you’d thought, as you ran away from the Gryffindor Quidditch changing rooms with two towels in hand: wait until Fred and George went to shower, shrink their clothes and steal their towels. Perfect. Or at least it would’ve been, had they not caught you shrinking their clothes. Before you could finish, they had made after you and so there you were, running down the corridor with a wet Fred and George behind you in varying degrees of undress. When you ran into Blaise, you weren’t sure whether your heart was beating too fast because of him or the adrenaline from your prank. Either way, you needed his help.

“Blaise, help me. I played a prank on Fred and George after the ink incident – you know the one- and now they’re chasing me and...” You were breathing fairly heavily.

He looked over your shoulder at the twins running towards you, clearly unsure of which direction you had run off in and- were they not wearing shoes? He frowned, looking down at you with your pleading eyes and pretty face. He wasn’t sure why he said yes. Maybe it was the way his name sounded on your lips. With a small smirk, he grabbed your arm and tapped his wand to the wall. Before your eyes, a small door appeared and he pushed you inside, following behind you and locking the door. You frowned at him, still not completely aware of how close you two were.

“If you lock the door, the cupboard disappears.”

You nodded

“How did you find out about this? Quite suspicious if you ask me...”

You trailed off when you noticed him staring at you with an unreadable expression.

“Why did you want to be my partner?”

You felt your face heat up as you clambered to find an explanation. You already regretted the jumble of words you had yet to say.

“Well,” you said lamely, gulping. “You’re good at Potions.”

He shot you the same dry look.

“Uhh... well, I wanted to break you, actually. You’re sort of indifferent to, well, everybody, and, well, I suppose I just, well, I wanted to see if-“

“If I was indifferent to you?” he asked, a perfect eyebrow raised; a well-practised expression, no doubt. You opened your mouth before looking down and frowning.

“Well, I suppose so. It was more so I wanted to see you react to something, anything actually, because you’re very impassive all the time and, well, for somebody like me who’s quite impulsive (Gryffindor, right) it’s very strange, really-“

You cut yourself off as he opened his mouth, tongue pressing against the back of his pearly white teeth. The corners of his mouth rode up and for a moment, you saw an expression you’d never seen before on his face.

“Do you ever shut up?”

You paused, finding humour in his eyes for the first time and enjoying it, despite yourself.

“Well, in my defence, I have been purposefully trying to annoy you for the past week and also, well, I’m not usually this nervous - I don’t know why I’m so nervous, actually; I’m just in a broom cupboard... very close to uh, to you and I think Fred and George must be gone by now and what are you-“

He cut you off by pressing his lips to yours. It only lasted for a moment but it definitely served its purpose. You completely stopped talking, and thinking, and breathing. When he pulled away you blinked for a moment before nodding. Then you cleared your throat. And then you looked up at him. The slight nervousness you saw dancing in his eyes gave you a measure of comfort and confidence; you allowed it to form a smile. Your mouth twitched a little bit in amusement.

“So, did I break you then?”

He rolled his eyes; an expression you had not before seen but definitely wanted to see again.

[dahlia-coccinea]

Wuthering Heights - Chapter 4

It seems strange that Nelly would tell Lockwood that Heathcliff does not live at the Grange because he is cheap. I think it would be obvious to her that he lives at the Heights because of the connection he has to it. Not that he isn’t also cheap, but I don’t think it is believable that is his main motivation. Perhaps what she says is just born out of bitterness because she wishes Cathy could be at Thrushcross with her? Her alliance is made clear moments later when she tells Lockwood that, “Hareton is the last of them (the Earnshaws), as our Miss Cathy is of us—I mean, of the Lintons.” 

Heathcliff being brought home by Mr. Earnshaw seems a little less strange when you consider how similar Nelly’s situation is. She may work at the house but she is also allowed to eat and play with Hindley and Catherine and Mr. Earnshaw promises to bring her back apples and pears along with the gifts for his children. I think Heathcliff has some aspects that allow for him to become more doted on than Nelly, such as, having no family fulfilling that role, and possibly because he is a boy and Hindley seems to already be somewhat of a disappointment to Mr. Earnshaw. Also in a strongly class-conscious society, it is apparent that by birth Nelly is beneath the Earnshaws. Even though one could easily be similarly prejudiced against Heathcliff’s utter lack of established social status, and his ethnic background (and many are) - it seems Mr. Earnshaw’s pity on the extreme state that he finds the “starving” and “houseless” child outweigh any possible apprehension and cause him to act with compassion. 

In the last chapter discussion, I mentioned that Catherine does show genuine affection for her father, besides just nostalgia, and I think that Nelly says, “often did little Cathy ask when he (Mr. Earnshaw) would be home” and that “the children got tired of running down to the gate to look” is a good example. Even it is partially because they’re waiting on the gifts he has promised them, it is a pretty typical father/child bond. 

This chapter gives us the most clues as to Heathcliff’s origins. Some points that I’ve mentioned before, that he has little enough experiences with English Nelly says he only “repeated over and over again some gibberish that nobody could understand.” But also a large detractor that the idea that everyone really knows that he’s Hindley’s and Catherine’s half-brother - Nelly does say she knows his whole story, “except where he was born, and who were his parents.”

I’ve always thought Catherine’s initial response to Heathcliff is kind of funny. Nelly says:

“Cathy, when she learned the master had lost her whip in attending on the stranger, showed her humour by grinning and spitting at the stupid little thing; earning for her pains a sound blow from her father, to teach her cleaner manners. They entirely refused to have it in bed with them, or even in their room; and I had no more sense, so I put it on the landing of the stairs, hoping it might be gone on the morrow.”

By the time Nelly returns:

“Miss Cathy and he were now very thick; but Hindley hated him: and to say the truth I did the same; and we plagued and went on with him shamefully: for I wasn’t reasonable enough to feel my injustice, and the mistress never put in a word on his behalf when she saw him wronged.”

In the first few years after Heathcliff's arrival, Nelly does admit to persecuting him along with Hindley. It’s details like this that make me question Nelly's later complaints about the way Catherine treats her or that she pinches her during Edgar’s visit years later. Yes, at that point Nelly is clearly in the role of a servant and below Catherine, but it can't be ignored that while she is 14 and Catherine and Heathcliff are 6/7 years old and she admits she mistreats at least Heathcliff, and sides with Hindley who regularly beats him. Not that it makes Catherine’s behavior right, but as I have mentioned before, she grows up in a house where corporal punishment is the norm and most people around her do antagonize and abuse her and Heathcliff. I think considering that she is really quite tame and she isn’t actually malicious where she easily could be.

We learn in Chapter 4, many of the dynamics that I think play into how Nelly and Heathcliff interact in the years to come, Hindley and his motivations, and also how Heathcliff develops from a child into the man we later know. Nelly (not for the last time) paints this image of Heathcliff as almost a curse saying that “from the very beginning, he bred bad feeling in the house.” His mere presence seems to destroy the natural bond between father and son: “the young master (Hindley) had learned to regard his father as an oppressor rather than a friend, and Heathcliff as a usurper of his parent’s affections and his privileges; and he grew bitter with brooding over these injuries.” 

In the most human descriptions that she gives him, where he is not depicted as foreign and strange, or a curse of some kind, she still doesn’t say anything truly kind about him. When the family catches the measles and Nelly cares for the children, Heathcliff, the illest of the three, Nelly says:

“...he would have me constantly by his pillow: I suppose he felt I did a good deal for him, and he hadn’t wit to guess that I was compelled to do it. However, I will say this, he was the quietest child that ever nurse watched over. The difference between him and the others forced me to be less partial. Cathy and her brother harassed me terribly: he was as uncomplaining as a lamb; though hardness, not gentleness, made him give little trouble.”

It’s such a complicated clash of traits we hear about Heathcliff. He is just a child, nothing supernatural about him, and illness and suffering cause a simple human desire for someone to care for him. She says he is a “sullen, patient child; hardened, perhaps, to ill-treatment.” He “said precious little, and generally the truth,” which should be a good quality, though Nelly tempers this by saying:

“I wondered often what my master saw to admire so much in the sullen boy; who never, to my recollection, repaid his indulgence by any sign of gratitude. He was not insolent to his benefactor, he was simply insensible; though knowing perfectly the hold he had on his heart, and conscious he had only to speak and all the house would be obliged to bend to his wishes.”

Then we have the story of Hindley’s and Heathcliff’s fight over the horses that Mr. Earnshaw bought at the parish fair. It seems to foreshadow much of his plotting for revenge, his ability to suffer greatly to achieve a goal, and his unwavering focus on that which he desires. 

We see the extent of Hindley’s early hatred of Heathcliff. In the exchange, he calls him a “dog,” a “Gipsy,” a “beggarly interloper,” and finally “imp of Satan.” We hear from Heathcliff that he’s beaten him three times that week, which has left his arm is bruised to the shoulder, that he threatens to throw Heathcliff out upon Mr. Earnshaw’s death, and during the scene throws an iron weight directly at Heathcliff (who must be only 10 or so), as well as push him under a horse with the hope of it trampling him to death. 

After Hindley storms off Nelly says: 

“I persuaded him (Heathcliff) easily to let me lay the blame of his bruises on the horse: he minded little what tale was told since he had what he wanted. He complained so seldom, indeed, of such stirs as these, that I really thought him not vindictive: I was deceived completely, as you will hear.”

A great example of the complexity of his character and such a foreboding end to this chapter!

@astrangechoiceoffavourites

[theodora3022]

Headcanons of Yandere! Inasa Yoarashi

Request: Reader is a female UA student with a strong wind quirk, Inasa Yoarashi met her during the provisional license exam. She is not particularly charming or beautiful, but she peaked Inasa’s interests. Normally, she is a friendly person. However when he tried to talk to her, she would give a curt reply, clearly wants nothing to do with him. What angers him more is: She is close to Shoto Todoroki! Little did Inasa knows she is avoiding him because she is insecure about her control over the winds, she fears that the winds might favour Inasa and she would be left quirkless. Head canons please. Today is the wind boy’s birthday and there’s just so little content of him...He is underrated.

Notes: Interesting suggestion! Today is indeed his birthday, I shall tend to your request at once! I been wanting to write about him for a while ngl, but I just cannot find an exact idea. Thank you for this amazing idea, anon. There’s not much information about his personality so I don’t worry this being OOC hehe.  Sorry if this turns out to be a bit Yandere… Man this took way longer then expected, please enjoy!

Update: Sequal No.1, Sequal.2(Coming soon)

Some of this is inspired by @reinawritesbnha​‘s post. Go give it a read! It’s one of the best I ever seen.

Warning: Violence(non-graphic), yandere, kidnapping, dub con, implied breeding kink (? Idk this is the first time I wrote something like this)

You are a strong pro-hero in training. You can command airflows to your will, any gas is under your disposal. It is only a matter of time before you become the big three of your year. Even Bakugou does not want to anger you. You are a powerful tempest towards your enemies. Overall, you are quite confident about your abilities. 

That is, before you met Inasa Yoarashi during the provisional license exam.

When you first saw him, you feel this sense of…familiarity. Even though you never met him before, you cannot shake this feeling of connection with Inasa.

Then you felt his cold glance towards your direction. But when his eyes met yours, his lips curl up into a big grin and bowed slightly.

“I am Inasa Yoarashi, also known as Gale Force, from Shiketsu High. And what is your name, beautiful miss from UA?” Man, he is loud.

Ah, so he is Gale force. You learned about him when picking out your hero name, he also has a wind quirk. Then it strikes you: what if the winds like him better? What if they just abandon me while he is around? Those thoughts make you feel helpless, the scenario of being quirkless terrifies you to no end.

The blush of being called “beautiful” is gone, instead you replace it with a stoic face: “Pleasure to meet you, Mr Yoarashi. I am (F/N) (L/N), also known as (hero name). Come on Shoto, they are almost starting, we should get going. Please excuse us.”

You walk away, smiling at Shoto. Leaving Inasa there, angry and confused.

He immediately regrets withdrawing his application from UA. If he had been in your school, it is him you would smile and befriend now, instead of that wicked Todoroki! The way you are calling his first name, so intimate, just sends anger through his brain.

So, you have a wind quirk too, huh? No wonder he feels this instant connection with you.

Froze there for a couple of seconds, until Nagamasa Mora called him. “What has gotten into you, Inasa? The exam is going to start soon.” Ashamed to admit his true feelings, Inasa would brush off the older man’s concern, and pretend nothing had happened.

Words cannot describe how he felt when he saw you in your hero costume. Like Inasa, you had chosen to put a thick jacket on. The skies can get quite cold, after all. His looks practical, with multiple tubes to help regulate the air currents. But your grey coat looks like an expensive piece from a boutique, the edges even has fur for decorations. Inasa think your look fits for a scroll in the snow, instead of a battlefield. It’s probaly for disguise to fool villians. You have not fully button up the coat yet, he can still glimpse the (favorite colour) spandex bodysuit underneath. If this has not been an exam, Inasa swears he would ask you to go to dinner with him, here and now.

Feeling his gaze fixated on you, you tense up nervously. Is he finding ways to take the winds away from me? Horrified, you decide to stay far away from him during the exam as possible.

Shoto noticed your nervous state, he asks you what is wrong. You shrug, stating it is just pre-exam stress.

Every time Inasa sees you and Shoto’s friendly interactions, his heart bleeds. But he decides to wait until after the exam to take any action. He also decides to impress you with his outstanding performance in the exam.

When you choose the furthest area from him, it left him feeling disappointed. So he chooses a tall building as his battleground, to better utilize his quirk and to watch you from afar.

Unlike his approach with winds, which focus on intensity and strength, your winds concentrate their efforts on speed. Stealth and fast, most people only catch your afterimage in the corner of their eyes.

Your strategy is creating vacuums around their heads. When your opponents are choking due to lack of oxygen, you press them against a solid surface to knock them out. Then you score with the tennis balls, done. Simple yet effective. It has only been five minutes into the exam, and you are already finished, with minimal efforts of two people unconscious.

Inasa saw all of this from the top of the building, of course. Like an assassin of the night, you move with such grace, and that speed of yours! Truly amazing. He had never thought of creating vacuums before. He guesses this is one of your ultimate moves.

He might just be curious about you before, but after seeing you fly around with that incredible swiftness, Inasa find himself becoming more smitten with you.

It is settled in his mind: he has to have you. Just imagine how what a power couple you two would be! The wind duo will be invincible. And your children would have the strongest wind quirk ever.

In the break room, you sigh with relief; you reached your goals: stay furthest away from Inasa as possible and passing with negligible efforts. Taking out your (favorite snack) from your backpack, you decide to reward yourself a little.

But then you find Inasa grinning at you across the room. Your good mood vanishes instantly.

Talking to Shoto to distract yourself from his burning stare, you felt his gaze moved away.

“That Yoarashi guy, I saw him in the entrance exam for recommended students. I was surprised that he went to Shiketsu.”

Phew. You were delighted to hear him say that. You would not want to deal with this situation on a daily basis.

Before you can feel that delight, however. Inasa invites himself into your conversation.

“Your speed is incredible! The way you master your winds is truly impressive. We should train together sometime. We can share our experiences on the winds!”

Being the nice person you are, you did not ignore him, trying to bring yourself to like him. You do want to share experience with a fellow wind user.

You did not notice how he left Shoto out of the conversation, completely. Not that he wants to socialize with Inasa, but still.

To Inasa, you remind him of the warm spring breeze. A ray of sunshine, easygoing and friendly, the complete opposite of Todoroki.

Of course, you are unaware of his ridiculous plans involving a future together and children. You just see him as a enthusiastic, loud boy.

Shoto can feel his obsession thoughts for you, however. After Inasa left to prepare for the second part, Shoto warned you subtlety. But you did not take it seriously, saying that is just how Inasa make friends. “He’s like that with everyone. No need to worry.”

The second exam you devoted yourself into rescuing. Shoto said he would deal with the villain. So you just focused on dealing with injured “civilians”. After gaining knowledge of their “injuries”, you lift the debris with winds and deliver them to the first-aid station.

It was after the exam you find out the two had fight while dealing with the villain.

They did not pass. You comforted Shoto about it, leaving Inasa upset. He failed the exam too; he needs your comforting words just as much as Todoroki!

You exchanged numbers with Inasa upon depart, promise him to train together soon. You fear of inferiority is gone; being this close to him, you can sense his power is not as strong as yours. Evidently it is him who should worry about falling out of the wind’s favour.  

Your friends, especially Mina, tease you about your little encounter with the other wind user. Calling him your “Shiketsu boyfriend”. You yell for them to stop, saying you only seen him as a friend.

Inasa’s friends are pretty much the same. Although he is a year younger, his sociable nature made him approachable. He shows off now he got your number, and they all laughed. “She can create vacuums and suffocate people; I would hate to get on (y/n)’s bad side.”

After the exam, he wrote out his plan of attack, staying up until 2am to do so. Shiketsu forbid its students to have any romantic relationships, so Inasa wasn’t planning on having one with you. Your relationship with him will remain platonic until you both graduate.

It involves an arranged marriage and an immense sum of dowry to bribe your parents. His father always taught him to go after what he wants with all his might. Inasa cannot wait until you graduate and move in with him. It is such a shame a powerful hero like you have to become a homemaker so soon. But he cannot have you swinging around the city in spandex, they are for his eyes only. He wants to keep you in the safety of his house, to train his brood of offspring. Yes, that is what your prestigious UA diploma for-for his children’s head start in life.

Stalking you would be difficult since you can sense the movement of air around you. They report any abnormalities to you at once. So he watched you from afar, how you shoot across the sky like a bullet to go to school every morning, how you relaxed in mid air during lunch break, or how you laugh with your friends outdoors.

Sometimes you would feel like someone is watching you, but the winds say all clear. So you just mark it as you are being too self-conscious and do not care.

You two would occasionally text and train together/help each other with homework on weekends, getting lunch together afterwards. him acting like nothing less then a gentleman. You start viewing him as a friend, despite what Shoto said before.

Inasa is glad that you did not seem to take interest in any boys during your high school time. If you end up inTodoroki’s arms, he does not know what he will do to Shoto.

A week after you graduate UA your parents told you they have received a marriage proposal. They have already accepted it, so there is no room for negotiation.

You are shocked to surprised finding your intended to be Inasa Yoarshi. You thought of him only as a training buddy prior to this.You ask to postpone the marriage until you become a full pro-hero but was shut down rather brutally. He said he will provide for you. There is no need for you to work when he can just take care of everything.

“Don’t worry, love. I’m going to take such great care of you! You can teach the children at home, so they can get a head start in hero life!”

Avoiding him would be pretty easy considering your speed, you can carry on with hero work as if nothing has happened, even moving to another city. However if this goes on for too long, Inasa will kidnap you.

Most likely to steal you away from your apartment at night, as he is as good at being stealthy as you. You live alone, it was a breeze. Some Chloroform and ropes would get the job done. 

You would wake up in a nicely furnished room one morning, quirk-cancelling collar locked on your neck. With chains long just enough to reach the bathroom.

Inasa hates seeing you upset, but it is all going to be better once you get used to your new employment: his sweet wife, the mother of his children.

Will consider letting you go outside for grocery shopping if you been good, with his company of course.

He would never raise a hand on you, no matter how much you screams and reisists him. Being so understanding, Inasa knows you need some time to come around. 

He loves nothing more then watching you do domestic chores, this man got issues. He expects you stay at home, cook dinner for him and take care of him. Which is a nightmare for you, since you despise housewife life.

You are so helpless without your winds to protect you, so you tried to rip this goddamn collar off everyday. But it was futile: only Inasa has the key.

You went to bed with him just to get some time outdoors, since your claustrophobia is acting up. You didn’t expect him to be so gentle and soft. But you regret it soon after because he become insatiable afterwards.

Then two months later you found yourself in the bathroom, staring at a positive pregnacy test. 

Once Inasa knows about your condition, he will loosen the restrictions. You can now use your quirk under his supervisions: it’s excerise, and the two of you both need it.

He would take you to comittee events, to go visit his friends, even letting you see your friends from time to time. You also got your phone back, but with a tracking app installed on it. 

Now all he has to do is wait a couple more months to meet his child.

[mc-critical]

On Hatice’s character, I feel like she more or less was cheated of a better character arc which could’ve made her more likeable or easier to understand (almost everyone I’ve encountered who is into the series has extreme distaste for her character.) Though I don’t necessarily feel any particular form of intensity towards her character I do wish she could have been explored a bit more? I can see why she wasn’t likely due to time constraints/needing to stay consistent with plot lines but it would have been nice to see. I feel like everytime Hatice was on screen, mentioned, or involved in the plot line it was in conjunction to or in relation to Ibrahim. Even after Ibrahim was dead, Hatice’s whole storyline was just..Ibrahim. It was clear that she was emotionally unstable and dealt with attachment issues from the start of the series, likely resulting trauma from her father’s bloody reign. We’re told she was “her parent’s favorite/the spoiled one” according to her siblings, we’re hinted at some sort of past fued between her and Sah but no real context. We rarely got to see her interact with her children. It’s like we only were given tiny bits and pieces of Hatice as her own person and everything else about her just existed to string Ibrahim along. It’s quite sad..what do you think?

Eh, I absolutely adore Hatice as a character and I feel she got a very solid, well-written character arc. I'm pleased with what we got with her in the show and I think that her nuance tends to be massively overlooked.

The center of her character is not really Ibrahim, but rather the line between family and dynasty. And while that seems to be attributed with Ibrahim in the strongest way, it also channels in who Hatice is as a person and her interactions with other characters like her mother, Süleiman and Hürrem.

Hatice has always been the sultana of blood that is closest to the dynasty, but also the one that wants to detach the most from it. As you said, she had lingering trauma from her father's reign /which indeed is only hinted, to be honest, but that's the whole backstory of Selim Yavuz, what we got from his cruelty in the show was basically hints two flashbacks. We were told by Süleiman of his defining deed, we were told by Valide and Hatice that they saw his father in him, but the rest remained pretty much vague, which isn't a problem with Hatice's character. However, it may come off as a problem with SS's character, since more backstory would better explain his paranoia outside of actions of the "suspects" taken out of context, would render Mustafa's death a little more understandable and would highlight even more his character arc, for Selim Yavuz was his "Azraeel", according to him, but that is a post for another day./, but on a more personal note, she has witnessed the death her former husband, which puts her panic and fear over death in another light. Her backstory isn't that focused on, because it's not all that important for her character arc: because while Mahidevran has to get over her past and Şah Sultan tries to consistently set herself for the future, Hatice has to face the events of the present. She's an effective deconstruction of the Princess Classic trope she started up as: an innocent, fragile, kind hearted princess, no sign of trauma whatsoever who strives to create a family of her own, as a bonus. After she meets Ibrahim, she feels like she wants to be in that adventure with him, she not only falls in love with him, but he fills her with hopes and dreams for a better life. Look how when she marries him she wanted to get out of Topkapi as soon as possible and always repeated that she wanted for them to be a family, that she wanted to have piece. Even her love for Ibrahim is much more deep seated than some plain obsession that is only used as a plot device or to prop him up. She's grown with beliefs that have been a part of her life and sometimes she lets them out out of sheer ignorance, no matter how much independence she wants in her personal life. Her whole relationship with Ibrahim is a back and forth conflict between dynasty and family that is only a vector for her arc, not the entirety of it.

It's often ignored how pivotal is Hatice's relationship with Valide. The closeness she has with her, especially compared to her other sisters, shaped up all of Hatice's life long beliefs. Namely Valide is the root of Hatice's love and respect for the dynasty, being next to its female representative her entire life (see also Valide's flashbacks in E58) and witnessing the way she dealt with things, the way she ruled the harem, the way she made decisions. Even Hatice herself considered her as her role model and wanted to be like her. (she told her this in E61) It was as if Valide was a preserver of all the virtues Hatice deemed as worth having. She has a tremendous respect for her and her opinions and this is what brought her to hide her love for Ibrahim more than anything. The respect she has for the ottoman laws and the ottoman dynasty and the ways she got used to them made her to do anything but admitting SS and Valide her true feelings.

Valide is an indirect reason of Hatice's supposedly "inpartial" point of view in the harem that let her judge things more fairly. It's not that Hatice was completely unbiased in her relationships with Mahidevran and Hürrem early on, because oh no, she wasn't, Hatice always was on the dynasty's side in this war, but for her dynasty always advocated fairness and preserving piece and order. She wasn't afraid to call out whoever she thought was wrong at any time and even when her bias had completely (and honestly, rightly in many aspects) impacted her in terms of Hürrem, she wasn't afraid to admit that she was right about Firuze after all. Hatice also has a very reactive personality: she doesn't let anyone provoke her and quickly responds when she's provoked. She's not provoked only about Ibrahim, she's also provoked when it comes to both family and dynasty, overall, seeing Hürrem and Mahidevran quarrel in E11, Fatma and the concubines challenging Hürrem in E47, Mahidevran attempting to kill Hürrem's children in E55, Mihrimah defending Hürrem in E84 etc. Whenever something she cares about is opposed or attacked by someone, she would always spring into action, which is a very consistent trend of her character as a whole.

{There are many reasons why I personally find Hatice sympathetic: she's one of the most ethical characters of the show, acting as a peacekeeper wanting to keep everyone out of their struggle, she's always ready to help, she cherishes love (her wanting to marry Sadıka to Matrakcı), there are so many people she cares about outside of just Ibrahim - Mahidevran, Mustafa, Valide, her sisters and their problems impact her as well, despite of how "self-centered" she may seem at first glance. She, just like MCK Gevherhan, is so humane to everyone she interacts with, trying her very best to empathize with them. (to the point Mahidevran told her in E05 that if she keeps up worrying only about them, she will wither in this palace) Her trauma and circumstance also bring in a lot of empathy for me, because significantly little of it is her own doing, compared to other characters. We see a character that deteoriates both internally and externally often as a consequence of her simply fearing she would lose everyone she loves and that her life would be once again, filled with illnesses and death.}

[Truth be told, I don't get the Hatice hate, like AT. ALL. I don't know about you, but people I've encountered on the Internet couldn't give me a valid reason as to why they hate Hatice so much. They either reduce her to a "whiny", "crying", "spoiled" or "evil" bitch, either say they hate her because she breaks down a lot or because stood up against Hürrem for no reason, which is totally untrue, in my opinion. I genuinely haven't seen one (1) good argument as to why she deserves such ire. They mostly look at a more dimensional version of S03 Hatice and forget everything that set up S03 Hatice, or they hate Hatice exclusively because of S03, which.... eh? I would dare say that there are more reasons to hate Mahidevran than there ever were to hate Hatice (even though the hate directed at Mahidevran is, once again, for all the wrong reasons) and if someone gave me an actually good reason to hate Mahidevran, I would understand, but Hatice? Even her more questionable actions were ultimately provoked by something or someone.]

Her first traumatic experiences in the present is also connected to the kids she's lost. Yeah, giving her more time with her living children and seeing her more as a mother is the one thing I would definetly change in her writing. We didn't get enough of that and it would be a breath of fresh air. But then again, losing so many could've demotivated her and the last time she was pregnant we also had this prevailing, but understandable fear. It also just doesn't play such a big part in her deconstrustion-to-become-flanderization-in-character-development arc.

We gain a gradual, broader perspective into her a bit later in the narrative, and perhaps that eventually broken first impression would cause disappointment - Hatice could be prideful and while she wants to detach from the dynasty for her family, she values her own position and the rights that are offered with it. She could be easily offended by remarks made to startle her. She could be demanding sometimes. But that existed along with her good traits. Hatice was the most reasonable and morally unproblematic character of the main cast overall and by S01/2, that truly showed.

If we refer only to S03 Hatice, it would make a tiny bit more sense for people to not find her that sympathetic. Because while she underwent a good flanderization arc, it's still flanderization and some traits of hers seem to be more present than others in that season, especially knowing the trajectory of said arc. It may look like there isn't a sympathetic reason to do what she does, as if she's like this all of the sudden. But here's the rub: season 3 wasn't supposed to give this much context to Hatice's actions, it's the pay-off of a build-up, the peak of her arc that leads to a resolution. Season 3 wasn't supposed to repeat stuff that has already been established, all Hatice is doing there, has been set up for an entire season, if not more. We already know what's driving her, we already have the sympathetic reasons. That's why all the attention is given to her actions that bring her to tragedy, not to introspective scenes.

Back to Ibrahim's relation to Hatice's character: A common affirmation I hear is that Hatice's rift with Hürrem was caused thanks to Ibrahim and Ibrahim alone. There's so much more to it than that! While we had the scene that started the build-up and the one that ended it be about a possible/already a fact infidelity of Ibrahim's as a parallel, these are only a part of it, not it in its entirety. Keep in mind that the one thing that fully set the upcoming enmity in motion during S03 is Hürrem taking Valide's chambers. And at first Hatice wasn't about to blame Hürrem for it all when she went to tell it to his majesty (her saying to Gülfem that it doesn't matter who told her about the affair) with her claiming that Hü ruined her life only after their confrontation for Valide's chambers. And here we return to the center of Hatice's character: thing is, whether we liked it or not, Hürrem always was a threat to the dynasty in Hatice's eyes. Şah asked her the infamous question: "The dynasty or Ibrahim?" when she was asked why is Hürrem a threat in E81, but I think both are in conjunction, yet independent of each other here. Hatice values tradition just like her mother and Hürrem breaking them all would cause some kind of disturbance. She got distraught right after she was freed and married, claiming that it had to be stopped before it happened, look also how she told Afife Hatun that Hürrem had to be gotten rid of because she caused unrest in the harem! Not only Ibrahim's death, but Valide's death impacted her so much, she thought someone had to supposedly protect the dynasty for what is to come before everything goes haywire and that's what she attempted to do the entire time. In S03A personal motives clearly ran together with the apparent protection of the dynasty (I sometimes like to parallel Hatice's dynasty with Kösem's state in my head, despite that Kösem's urge to protect the state comes more with her role as a ruler and regent and measures out of necessity, while Hatice's comes from willingness to preserve balance and harmony in a more personal level.) and she considered Hürrem as a threat to everything Hatice believes in. She seems to also take on her mother's footsteps in that regard, in a way, using common for Valide methods like sending a concubine to SS etc. She considers Hürrem a threat for her own stability and well-being and that isn't limited to just Ibrahim.

Her relationship with SS is the one that is probably the most connected to Ibrahim, judging by their first more "nuanced" scene for me (him deciding to marry Ibro and Hati) and fallout (the confrontation for Ibrahim's death), but that could be also connected to what Hatice has previously experienced and genuine respect for him as a brother before all the rocky stuff happened. And interestingly, her deep resentment and then despise of him is targeted at him bringing Hürrem to their lives, not simply just killing Ibrahim, though that was also an intensely strong motivator of hers.

Hatice's bond with Mustafa is also strong even before she fell in love with Ibrahim. She also considered him "the future of the dynasty", played with him in the gardens, comforted him in tough times when she could. They didn't have as many scenes together, but the relationship added a good amount of flavor to her character.

A reason why I think Hatice's relationship with Mahidevran is so precious and criminally underrated, is that this is the relationship least centered on Ibrahim, second only to Hatice's with Valide. Their scenes early on is mostly them being there for each other and being happy with each other's moments of good time. They're very bound to each other and are very good friends that still have a dynamic relationship. The temporary S02B fallout between them has everything to do with Hatice's disappointment and disbelief of Mahidevran's own failings. She also threatened something Hatice cared about and did something she didn't expect of her. And that isn't barely noticeable, Hürrem even remarked that Mahidevran is becoming alone in E58. (oh my, I hate this scene with passion, but anyway.) After that their dynamic then remained basically intact for S03, expect that they could act more like allies than friends. But that's a given, due to the more intense events in the palace and the tonal shift of the show.

I find her dynamic with Şah fascinating due to their contrasting personalities and strained, yet loving relationship. The feud between them had enough context given to us through Beyhan's words to Şah in E83: that Hatice not only was Valide's favorite, but she apparently had the life Şah wanted to have, which explains Şah's ambition and supposed distance and secrecy well enough. More backstory would mean destroying the interesting duality in the relationship and wouldn't make Şah's motivation half as interesting and uniquely presented as it was, to be honest. Which is why I find her dynamic with Hatice way more interesting than her dynamic with Hürrem (which is good, too, but pretty generic), but that's also a post for another day. But Hatice is actually the more open person in this dynamic and the one more revealing her feelings. Şah wanted her to move on from her losses, but Hatice objects so strongly because it all has gotten to a completely personal level, with Şah trying to redecorate her castle, it would look like she's trying to change her from the outset, her as a person, which is something Hatice would never agree with. But then again, it's clearly shown that deep down Şah cares about what Hatice wants and is trying to do the best for her in her own way. And the emphasis is again put on family: they still get along and reconcile, setting their differences aside.

Many of Hatice's introspective scenes were with Gülfem and while they talked about Ibrahim many times, we could still see the amount of powerful support between them. Hatice shared everything with Gülfem, it was as if they knew everything about each other. They were each other's comfort.

She showed moral support to Beyhan, as well. That is another familial relationship that shows both casual and profound interactions. It's not there as much, but that's more because of Beyhan's limited screentime, not because of something to do with Hatice.

Even her arc with Ibrahim isn't all about him, but is also tied to the core of her character. The line between dynasty and family drives their whole fallout and if it wasn't there, the conflict between them wouldn't ever take place. Hatice ultimately forgiving Ibrahim is more about her getting out of her own dynastic outlook, which is a relevant character development of hers that happens along with her flanderization. And that plot-line is as important as the flanderization, even more so, and it pushes it forward. It was a resolution of the conflict with family and dynasty in Hatice, not exactly forgiving Ibrahim just for Ibrahim. (that is also a factor, no doubt, because she loves him and he is a part of her character, but not all her character.)

Overall, for me Hatice is a multi-faceted, amazing character that is actually very fleshed out in the span of three seasons. I don't find much issue with her writing: everything that happened with her is logical and well-explained if you look closely enough and I don't want more for her arc. It was original and outstanding for what it was, both as a character concept and a dynastic sultana of the franchise.

[jayz4dayz]

How about 11, 24, 26 or 43? Just any of these is fine.

First, I apologize that this took so long, but I do hope it was worth the wait! Second, there ARE references to self harm in this, so here is your warning.

Prompt 24: “You’re the only one I trust to do this.”

Trust

Yuriko was just barely able to hold Midari up as they stumbled into her dorm room. Her body was searing against Yuriko’s, even though her clothes. That wasn’t a good sign and Yuriko was eternally grateful she found Midari when she did. Any longer and Midari may have been needed to be hospitalized.

The Beautification Officer was burning up with a high fever, but somehow still able to gain a sense of her surroundings. She looked irritated and to an extent, embarrassed. Yuriko knew why; Midari didn’t want to appear weak. Yuriko didn’t once consider her to be weak, even when she collapsed in the hallway from sheer exhaustion. Her stubbornness was both a blessing and a curse; in this case it only made things worse.

Thankfully, Yuriko found her and was able to help her up so she could walk her back to her dorm in hopes that she’d be able to rest. She didn’t know why Midari decided to press on that day regardless of her high temperature and raw throat from coughing all night. Perhaps it was a masochist thing, but Yuriko had a feeling it wasn’t. There must have been another reason why Midari didn’t stay in bed when anyone could see that she was sick as a dog and needed to sleep.

“Bed,” Midari murmured, weakly pointing to the correct direction.

Yuriko huffed in frustration. “How could you be so stupid? You’re burning up! Even you should know to stay in bed if you have a fever!”

“I’m not in the mood to be nagged like you’re my mother, Yuriko,” Midari groaned. “My head is killing me as it is.”

“You should be thankful I found you and brought you here,” Yuriko flushed with embarrassment.

Midari shrugged as they reached her bedroom. “I guess that’s true. I feel like fucking shit now. It’s gotten worse since this morning. Maybe you’re right about staying in bed.”

“Of course I’m right,” Yuriko rolled her eyes and helped Midari sit on the edge of her bed. “I know this must be hard for you.”

“Eh? Hard?” Midari raised a brow at her before letting out a wicked cough. “What are you talking about?”

“Allowing someone to assist you since you’re so reluctant about not letting someone help you when you need it,” Yuriko snickered jokingly.

“I do that because I don’t wanna be dead weight to someone,” Midari admitted. “Plus, I’m not a people person. I don’t really trust people much unless I genuinely like them.”

Yuriko frowned. Midari rarely admitted things like that and Yuriko suspected she only said it because she was in such a weakened state to begin with. If it was true that she didn’t trust people… why did she trust Yuriko so easily?

Though, Yuriko couldn’t deny she had been growing closer to the one-eyed girl as of recently. Call it fate or “sheer absolute boredom” as Midari claimed it to be, the two had started talking much more and actually seemed to enjoy each other’s company.

It was strange. Of all the people Yuriko thought she would form a bond with, Midari Ikishima wasn’t at the top of her list. Yet there was something so alluring about the Beautification Officer all the same. She stood out in the crowd of faces at Hyakkaou. She was known by practically everyone, but at the same time she wasn’t considered to be popular so much as she was feared. Many of the students saw her as a freak. Yuriko however… found her to be intriguing. Surprisingly, talking to her was as easy as breathing.

“Thanks for uh… getting me here,” Midari swallowed her pride and said quietly.

Yuriko nodded. “You’re very welcome.”

“What are you gonna do now?” Midari asked softly, her voice scratchy from the coughing.

“Stay here, of course,” Yuriko chuckled.

It wasn’t like Yuriko had anything better to do anyway. All club activities were finished for the day and it was a weekend which granted her freedom to do what she pleased. Although many wouldn't want to spend their weekend tending to someone who was I'll, Yuriko really didn't mind.

Midari wrinkled her nose in confusion. “You’ll be bored out of your mind.”

“I won't,” Yuriko assured her. “I want to help.”

“Why?” Midari scoffed.

“Believe it or not, I actually consider you to be my friend,” Yuriko murmured. “And… I care about you.”

“Well that’s sweet,” Midari smirked. “And I guess I can’t force you to stay or go, so do what ya want.”

Yuriko knew that was Midari’s way of telling her thanks. She watched as Midari slowly stood up and walked over to place her revolver on her nightstand before plopping back down onto her mattress, lifting one of the covers over her.

“Um, Ikishima-san, shouldn’t you perhaps strip down a little so you don’t increase your body temperature?” Yuriko asked.

“Hm, I’m too exhausted to take off my uniform right now and I've got the chills,” Midari retorted tiredly. “You want me to rest, so I am.”

“I don’t think it’s wise to leave so much clothing on though,” Yuriko insisted. "Take off one layer at the very least. I assure you, it will help."

"Hm, you're really eager to strip me down, huh? Shouldn't you at least buy me dinner first?" Midari playfully flirted.

“I’ll leave the room if you need time to unclothe," Yuriko ignored her comment.

Midari sat up and winced, holding her head. “Don’t bother; I don’t give a shit. Actually, why don’t you give me a hand since you're so insistent?”

Yuriko blushed, though she didn’t know why. “A-alright then.”

"Just do me a favor when you do," Midari requested when Yuriko walked over to her.

Yuriko raised a confused brow. "Okay?"

"Don't stare too much," Midari huffed.

Yuriko stared at her in slight confusion. Why would she stare? She wasn't rude like that, nor was there really anything of interest for her to stare at. Nothing she would ever admit to, that is.

"Why would I stare?" Yuriko chuckled uneasily.

Midari sighed. "I have some scars from my past that I don't like people seeing."

This wasn't all that surprising to hear considering Midari's line of work and responsibility in the academy. Or maybe these scars were there for a completely different reason; self inflicted perhaps. That may explain why Midari didn't want anyone seeing or knowing about them. It was a rather taboo topic after all.

"I understand and I won't stare," Yuriko nodded. "But we really need to get your body temperature to go down."

Midari complied, slowly standing up. Yuriko looked down at Midari's red, sleeveless shirt and looked back up at her, asking for permission. Midari nodded tiredly, sluggishly lifting her arms up while Yuriko helped lift the shirt off of her. Next came the buttoned up shirt which Yuriko quickly undid each button.

Yuriko removed the article of clothing off of Midari's body, feeling the intense heat radiating off of her. Her eyes locked onto the one-eyed girl's basic purple bra, slowly looking down to see her well toned stomach. She wasn't sure to be surprised to see that Midari had abs or the large, noticeable, faded scars across them. Midari said she had scars, but Yuriko recognized these to be cutting scars. She had no doubt that these were indeed self inflicted. They were too intricate; too close together to be accidental.

Instantly, Yuriko felt her heart swell with sorrow. It made her realize just how little she really knew about the Beautification Officer. It was true that the two had grown close as friends, but even then Yuriko couldn't say she truly knew Midari and what occurred in her past.

Breaking free from her thoughts, she felt Midari grab her hand and guide it toward her scars. Her hand was pressed against the hot skin and her entire body heated up as Midari allowed her to touch her abs. Midari had her eye closed with an almost pained expression, as if being touched hurt her.

"W-why?" Yuriko stuttered, her face turning intensely red by this point.

"You looked like you wanted to touch them," Midari teased, her tone unusually soft. "Besides, I knew it would fluster you and your reaction didn't disappoint."

"No... no I meant... why are you letting me?" Yuriko asked, looking away in embarrassment.

"You’re the only one I trust to do this," Midari admitted quietly.

Trust. That was one thing Midari rarely felt and Yuriko knew it better than anyone. The only person Midari truly trusted was herself, or so she thought. Yuriko now questioned if she underestimated how Midari felt about her.

She looked up to see Midari's cheeks dusted with red and she knew that wasn't from the fever. She too was flustered by this, but wouldn't easily admit it. It made Yuriko's heart flutter, causing her to have an overwhelming desire to lean forward and close the distance between them. But now wasn't the time.

"I see," Yuriko murmured shyly. "Are you comfortable sharing why these scars are here?"

Midari thought back to when she first placed a blade onto her skin, soon creating a wound that would become the first of many cutting scars. She didn't do it to punish herself or because she felt like she deserved it like a lot of people would feel when they did something like that. Her problem at the time was feeling anything at all.

The pain from the blade allowed her to feel something when she struggled so desperately to feel anything. She was so out of tune with her own emotions that she was beginning to struggle feeling anything physically as well. Every time she cut into her skin, she was finally able to feel. Granted, it was severe pain which in itself wasn't the best feeling, but to her it was better than not feeling anything at all. It gave her something to hold onto, knowing she was still able to feel something albeit it was pain. It reminded her that she was still alive and helped her figure out what was real and what wasn't.

It was the darkest time in her life.

Midari shook her head. "Sorry, I'm not ready to talk about that. Not yet at least."

"And that's alright," Yuriko nodded in understanding. "You will tell me when your ready or not at all if you cannot. I will respect that."

"That's good," Midari agreed, then giving the shorter girl a seductive expression that caused Yuriko's blush to travel to the tips of her ears. "Now, are you gonna finish stripping me, princess?~"

"W-why do you have to say it like that?" Yuriko stuttered.

Midari weakly cackled which prompted a coughing fit.

"Because there's no better way to say it!" She choked out.  

"You make it sound so lewd," Yuriko grumbled, placing her hands on the hem of Midari's skirt before gently tugging it down. "Then again, I don't expect anything less of you."

Midari shrugged and stepped out of her skirt. "Can I rest now?"

"Of course," Yuriko confirmed.

Midari gave a subtle nod before crawling back into bed, now covering her body fully with her bed sheets. She felt hot and sticky yet at the same time her body had the chills; it was a very odd sensation and she didn't like it. It was uncomfortable. Thankfully, she was able to fall asleep within minutes, completely forgetting about the uncomfortable sensation.

Yuriko sat down on the edge of the bed, watching the exhausted girl's chest rise and fall as she slept. She shook her head, trying to ignore the feeling in her heart to join Midari and wrap her arms around her, assuring that this sickness would soon pass and that she wasn't alone. Would that have been such a bad thing?

Midari woke up to the feeling of something damp and cool press against her forehead. She slowly opened her eyes to see Yuriko with a wet cloth in her hand. Midari had almost forgotten Yuriko was still here, but seeing her warmed her heart nonetheless. It's not like she knew anyone else who would do this for her.

The one-eyed girl glanced over at her clock. It was close to midnight. She had been asleep for roughly six hours, but still felt exhausted and like she could sleep for another six hours. Her symptoms hadn't worsened at least, but they didn't necessarily subside either.

"How are you feeling?" Yuriko asked softly.

Midari sluggishly sat up. "Not much better, honestly. The cold cloth feels nice though."

"I took your temperature earlier. Your fever went down slightly which is a good sign," Yuriko smiled encouragingly.

"You know, you didn't have to stay here this whole time," Midari commented, laying back down.

Technically Yuriko didn't. At some point when Midari was out cold, she left her dorm to go purchase some medication as well as bring a novel from her own dorm room. She wasn't planning on just leaving Midari there alone for the night when she was barely able to stand up on her own.

Yuriko nodded. "I know I didn't, but I wanted to. So don't worry about it."

Midari grinned weakly, lightly tapping Yuriko's arm. "Hmmm, you've got it bad for me, don't ya?"

Yuriko's eyes widened, not knowing how to respond to that. Midari was flirtatious by nature, but somehow she flirted with Yuriko far more often than she did with anyone else.

Yuriko said nothing, but the blush that formed in her cheeks spoke for her. Did she like Midari? Platonically she did without a doubt. Romantically however... that was a complicated answer that she didn't even know herself.

She brushed the thought to the side, knowing Midari wasn't in the right frame of mind at the moment. She looked over at the cough syrup she placed on the nightstand earlier. Midari followed her gaze and scowled.

"You're crazier than I am if you think I'm gonna drink that nasty shit," Midari said warningly, turning over in bed once Yuriko grabbed the bottle.

"It's going to help you get better," Yuriko huffed. "Please don't be difficult."

"I'm telling you right now there's no way you're gonna get me to drink that," Midari grumbled. "I'd rather die."

Yuriko ignored her. She looked over the directions and poured out the correct dosage of cough syrup into the measuring cap. She could smell how bitter it was and understood why Midari didn't want to drink it; she'd honestly have a hard time consuming it herself.

"Just grin and bear it," Yuriko suggested, holding the cap up to Midari's lips.

Midari shook her head childishly. "Why? It's gross."

Yuriko sighed in frustration. "Please, Midari. For me."

Midari rolled her eye in compliance. How could she say no to that? She allowed Yuriko to pour the bitter liquid into her mouth. Midari's senses may have been weakened, but she was still able to faintly taste the disgusting medication and wanted to gag from the taste.

"Thank you," Yuriko smiled slightly. "I think you need more rest now."

"Yeah," Midari nodded in agreement. "And so do you. You look exhausted. Maybe it's time for you to go back to your dorm."

Yuriko was exhausted. She rarely stayed up past ten in the evening, let alone stay up till midnight. Her eyes were heavy and she wanted to sleep, but didn't want to leave. If she could just stay awake for the night to make sure Midari's condition didn't worsen. She knew if it did, the girl wouldn't go to the hospital to get the medical treatment she would need on her own. So Yuriko decided to stay. Just in case.

"No, I'm staying," Yuriko shook her head.

"I don't have an extra bed and the futon is too small to sleep on," Midari pointed out. "Not to mention the floor would also be fucking uncomfortable to sleep on."

Yuriko shrugged. "Then I'll just stay awake."

"Yeah, no," Midari sniffled and sat up slightly. "If you're gonna spend the night here, then you're gonna sleep here."

"Where would I sleep? You said it yourself that there's nowhere I can," Yuriko questioned in confusion.

Midari smirked, patting the spot in bed next to her. Yuriko's heart nearly stopped. She had never shared a bed with anyone before and there was something about sharing a bed alone with Midari that seemed rather... intimate.

"If you're cool with sharing my bed, then you can stay," Midari said tiredly.

"I don't have my night clothes with me," Yuriko muttered shyly.

Midari raised a brow at her. "Okay, and? Just borrow some of my clothes for the night."

"O-oh," Yuriko hummed, not expecting that. "Thank you."

Yuriko stared at her reflection in the mirror. Midari's clothes didn't fit her, yet they were comfortable. Secretly, she enjoyed seeing herself in Midari's clothes. There was something about being engulfed in Midari's scent that felt comforting. Natural, even.

She left the bathroom and noticed Midari sitting up in her bed, inspecting her revolver. Midari still looked exhausted and pale, but she appeared to be returning to her normal self. She must have gotten out of bed at some point to put on a night shirt as well.

"They're a little big on me," Yuriko said quietly, gripping the hem of her borrowed black shirt.

Midari looked up and smiled slightly. "Don't worry, ya look cute in em'."

Yuriko felt her cheeks heat up from the comment. "T-thanks. They're a lot... softer than I imagined."

"I normally don't wear clothes to bed, so that probably explains why they're like that," Midari explained with a shrug. "Alright, now get over here. I wanna go back to sleep."

Yuriko didn't respond and instead climbed into bed next to her. She could feel the heat from Midari's body from where she was, though it wasn't uncomfortable. She laid on her back as Midari shifted her position to look at her. Awkwardly, Yuriko slowly turned her head to see Midari smirking at her.

"What?" Yuriko asked uneasily.

"Nothin'," Midari laughed. "You're just pretty is all."

Yuriko smiled and rolled her eyes. "Sleep. You're starting to talk strangely."

Midari yawned. "Whatever you say. Thanks for staying with me. And... taking care of me. It wasn't so bad."

Yuriko had never seen this soft side of Midari before. Perhaps it was due to her sickness or tired state. Whatever it was, Yuriko liked it. Even the most feral beasts could be tamed by the right person or situation, it seemed.

Yuriko stiffened when she felt an arm wrap around her waist and Midari nuzzled into the crook of her neck. The one eyed girl had already fallen asleep and Yuriko had never seen her look so peaceful or content before. Yuriko came to the realization that Midari would do this with no one else except for her. She truly trusted her, even when she was in a weakened state.

No, this wasn't so bad at all.

[doienseatee]

One with the Star

GIF IS MINE 

Pairing: Doyoung x Reader

Genre: Strangers to Lovers, Fluff, College

Note: I haven’t proofread this (as always) but here it is! I’m so sorry it took me so long to finish this one. I wanted it to be perfect (at least for me sksksks) next chapter will be in Doyoung’s POV so stay tuned for it i guess? I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Here’s a list of the songs that I listened to while writing this (they’re not exactly relevant to the plot but they made me feel good and set my mood to write hehe)

I LOVE YOU (TREASURE)  I LIKE U (NIKI) ILYSB STRIPPED (LANY) STILL INTO U (PARAMORE) YOU BELONG WITH ME (TAYLOR SWIFT) LOVE STORY (TAYLOR SWIFT) STYLE (TAYLOR SWIFT) SOMEBODY TO YOU (THE VAMPS FT. DEMI LOVATO) BLACK MAGIC (LITTLE MIX)

Your likes and (especially) comments are highly appreciated :> Thank you so much if you’re still here and I hope I won’t disappoint you. I can’t wait to write this story in Doyoung’s POV and I hope you are too :> Thank you so much and enjoy! 

Word Count: 2.6k

Summary: You developed a crush on the school band’s vocalist and somehow got close with him when you friend, Jungwoo, joined them. You’re too shy to make a move and so you are more than happy to be friends with a star like him.

CHAPTER 3

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A lot of things were going through your head when you read Doyoung’s text message. 

“Did he really say “date”??”

“Why is he inviting me again?”

“Is he interested in me or he’s just naturally friendly?

“Did he mean “date” in a romantic way?”

“Is it really Doyoung who texted me??”

are just a few questions that you can’t seem to find the answers. You didn’t know how to react and most certainly, you didn’t know what to reply back. You didn’t want your response to come off like you’re excited and gushing over his invitation. You also didn’t want to seem like you’re being forced because certainly you’re not. You didn’t know what to do and the fact that your 2 hour class is already halfway through and you still haven’t responded to his message isn’t helping at all.

“Sure!” too boring

“I would love to” too obvious that you’re excited

“I’ll check my schedule” sounds like you don’t have intentions to go

You’re not even listening to your professor anymore at this rate and Doyoung is all that you could ever think about. You’re afraid of your reaction coming off as “overreacting” so you’re thoroughly thinking about it (yup, for more than an hour) because it really doesn’t make any sense to you. 

You were going through so many thoughts but your ears rang when you heard your professor say “due in 2 weeks” for a project you are totally not aware of so you forced yourself to forget about his message and direct your attention to the man’s lecture in front of you. 

--------

It was about 5PM when your professor in your last subject of the day finally dismissed you and you were on your way to meet Jungwoo in the cafe near the university since he basically bailed on you in the morning because he slept too much. 

He was already sitting in your usual spot when you arrived and you saw two cups of frappe on the table. It was supposedly his “peace offering” to you for missing the practice and leaving you alone especially he was the one that was supposed to be there since it was his first day of practice. 

“I’m sorry for not showing up but you should thank me for giving you a chance to have a date with your crush” 

and you almost spat your drink when you heard him say those words because you never told him that you are crushing on Doyoung 

“What? Do you expect me not to notice when you’re all heart eyes when you see him?”

Your shoulders fell when you realized that you weren’t lowkey at all and that Jungwoo was actually aware all this time. You felt like you were betrayed by him for not telling you that he knows but you were mostly sulking about the fact that you weren’t discreet and Doyoung could’ve found out already. 

“Seriously though! I’ve been with you for the past 3 months so I know that you have the hots for the man and I confirmed it on the audition day. You were stiff as a rock when you saw him and tried to play it cool. So not you!” 

And as much as you wanted to defend yourself, you had nothing else to say because it was all true. 

“OH RIGHT I DIDN’T TEXT HIM BACK YET!” you suddenly remembered about his message since you were occupied by your classes. 

“What?” was all that Jungwoo could say with his confused face. So of course you explained everything from the time that you ate after the cancelled practice to the exchange of numbers and to his text message asking you to have a “snack date again” tomorrow.

“DAMN!! HE LIKES YOU TOO!!!” he exclaimed while grinning from ear to ear and you hit him jokingly because his words were absurd

“No way!! He probably just meant it as a friendly date or what” you tried to deny it but you actually had some hope at the back of your head but of course you didn’t want to assume. 

“I bet my entire semester allowance that he’ll ask you out to date him after your little snack date tomorrow” he looks so confident and you just wanted to smack him for that 

 As much as you still wanted to argue with him, you needed to answer Doyoung’s message as soon as possible. He might think you’re ignoring him or what so you ask Jungwoo what to reply in his point of view of a guy and not as your friend 

“I’m down for it!” will definitely make me happy and probably Doyoung too” was his advice but you asked him if it’s okay and doesn’t make your feeling too obvious 

“Just go for it!! I swear, he’s interested in you and your reply will give him hope!” so you just shrugged and started to type your reply.

As you were about to send your reply, you hesitated and put your phone down but Jungwoo snatched it away and he sent it instead and so you hit him again for the second time of the day

“Trust me on this one please, you can unfriend me if things will go wrong” and you did trust his words and let a little hope ignite in you. 

You went on and asked him how he found out about your little crush on his now bandmate and it consists of “your interest when i introduced you to them on the acquaintance party”, “i caught you stalking his instagram profile”, “i saw your eyes form a heart shape when you saw him passing by in the school cafe” 

You were thinking of what excuse to say although there was no escape when the both of you were interrupted when your phone rang indicating a text message was sent to you. 

“It’s probably Doyoung! Check it!!!” Jungwoo was so excited (and you) and you tried to check your phone screen only to see that he did replied to you 

“See! He instantly replied!! He’s interested in you!!!” you tried to dodge him and his assumptions and composed yourself to reply to whatever Doyoung sent but again, Jungwoo snatched your phone so he can “read it for you”  

“Great! I thought you’ll reject my invitation, I was kinda waiting for your reply” 

“See! I told you!! He likes you too!!” he reacted and you just snatched your phone away from him to confirm if what he read was true and indeed it was real. 

“WTF” was all you could say 

“Reply to him ASAP!!!” your friend was urging you to do so but again you didn’t know what to say, it’s not as if you could say “I didn’t know how to reply so sorry lol” or “I was overwhelmed so I didn’t know what to reply” 

“Just tell him you’re busy and didn’t see his message until your last class, that’s enough to put him under the impression that you were just busy and not trying to ignore him or whatever” Jungwoo did make sense so you tried typing 

And so your conversation went like: 

“Oh no! I was just busy with my class so I didn’t notice your text message :)”

“I was worried that you didn’t want to be with me that’s why” 

“I enjoyed your company a while ago! I won’t say no to you”

“That’s a relief! Would you mind if I take you out on a lunch date tomorrow instead of a snack date?”

“I’m up for anything. My class starts at 2PM tomorrow so it’s all good”

“Should I pick you up or something?”

you were shocked with his offer but you actually liked it but you didn’t want to admit it since you might be a nuisance to him if you’ll agree.

at this point, Jungwoo’s trying to peek at your conversation since you’ve been texting non-stop for the last 10 minutes and completely ignored his presence but you didn’t mind him and continued to speak to Doyoung 

“It’s fine! I don’t want to disturb you. Let’s just meet up somewhere?”

“I insist and besides, I don’t have any classes tomorrow so I’m free all day.”

“Are you sure? I can just take the bus or something”

“I’m 200% sure. So can I have your address? :)”

//

“DAMN” 

“Why? What happened?” Jungwoo immediately asked you when he hear your voice 

“He’s picking me up on our house tomorrow”

“What did I tell you!! He likes you!!!!!” he was so adamant and you calmed him down to avoid getting attention from the people in the cafe 

“I won’t agree until he directly tells me okay? I’ll just assume this is a friendly date” but you know deep inside that you were hoping 

30 minutes later, you both separated and went to your respective homes. Jungwoo didn’t say his usual goodbyes and instead wished you luck with your “future lovelife” and wished to see you holding hands with Doyoung the next time you’ll meet. 

-------

You are not a morning person and so being up at 8 AM is an achievement but your excitement didn’t really let you sleep that much and the 3 hours of sleep felt just like a blink to you. A lot of things were going through your head as to how your day will go by with Doyoung. 

You actually talked to him until 10PM the night before and just pretty much talked about yourselves and it was like a continuation of your conversation when you were eating.

He radiates comfortability and he feels like home with the short span of time that you talked to him and now you weren’t feeling awkward and you felt comfortable with the thought of being with him. 

Although the thought of him liking you does still bother you and is making you nervous but you tried to convince yourself that whatever happens, you’ll still consider him as your friend and that’s more than enough. 

He’ll pick you up at 11AM yet you were up at 8 to start preparing and look decent enough. You know your fashion and makeup so it shouldn’t be a problem but it still did. 

You tried to scrub every part of your body to look and feel good. You didn’t notice that you spent almost an hour in the shower doing all of the excess rituals than your usual half an hour and short routine when taking a bath. 

Nothing in your closet seems perfect enough to your liking. It was as if half of your wardrobe was gone but in reality, they’re just the same and you just can’t pick an outfit.

After a good 30 minutes of debating with your closet, you settled with a white surplice top and blue culotte pants paired with a white doll shoes and you were now left with the makeup look. 

It was either a natural look or an almost full glam look but you went with a natural look. You put on Powder, Mascara, Blush and a coral toned Lipstick to finish your makeup and unknowingly, the simplicity brought out your confidence and you thought that you were now ready to meet Doyoung. 

You were still finishing your overall look around 10:30 AM when he called you to say that he is now on the way to your house to pick you up so you hurried and backpack filled with the things that you need for your class after your lunch “date” with Doyoung. 

Although it’s true that you are now comfortable with him, the lunch date with him is still different and you suddenly became nervous but you tried to keep it cool while you were waiting in your living room. Your mom did ask you where you are going but all you said was “to school” so she won’t ask you further questions if you’ll say “a date”. Knowing your mom, she’s talkative so your conversation won’t end and you promise to tell her everything after. You were too occupied thinking of Doyoung to chit chat with her. 

The screen of your phone lit up with Doyoung’s “I’m here” text message so you said goodbye to your mom and went out to greet Doyoung in his black BMW car. 

The window in the passenger’s seat was open and he was waving from the inside. He was wearing a black polo shirt with a pair of white jeans and black sneakers. You were about to drown in your thoughts of how good he looked but he started to talk and ask how was your sleep so all the time that you were traveling to whatever restaurant he’s bringing you,  you just talked to him like how you texted. 

After a good 15 minute drive, he declared that you were now in your destination and you prepared to go out of the car but he told you to stay put and he rushed to open the car for you. You just mumbled a small “thank you” for his gesture even though it’s melting you on the inside. 

The restaurant wasn’t that far from your university since he didn’t want you to be late for your class and you mentally screamed at how thoughtful he was. It wasn’t a fine dining restaurant but not something that students are usually going to hang out at. It has a chill ambiance and you loved it. 

“Do you like the place? I’m sorry I still don’t have any idea of what you like so I brought you to one of my family’s favorite.” Doyoung had an apologetic look while he said those words to you but you assured him that it was fine and you liked it.

“You can choose the restaurant next time” he offered but you were shocked with the “next time”

so you asked him 

“Only if you want to because for me I would love to take you out on a date again after this” and how could you say no to him when he was smiling like an adorable bunny

-----

The food, the place and the person you’re with were all great and you had a good time so you were really happy and you thanked Doyoung as you were both walking to the parking lot. 

“I should be the one thanking you for accepting my invitation. I thought you’d say no to be honest”

“Why would you think that I won’t say yes?” you asked him as he was about to start the engine of the car 

“You’re too beautiful for me, I didn’t think I had a chance. Plus I really thought Jungwoo was your boyfriend” 

“What do you mean beautiful? I’m not” you tried to laugh your confusion because between the both of you, he was the one that’s unreachable so it was crazy to hear those words from him 

“I’m not kidding! I like you!” he stopped trying to start the car and looked at your eyes with conviction 

“what?” you were a mess and you were trying to understand everything that’s going on although you kind of prepared yourself for this but you were expecting the worst case scenario so you’re still confused as hell.

“I like you, a lot! And I actually invited you today to ask if you’d like to go out with me but I got too shy when we were eating.” he looked away after his confession and you also didn’t know what to do

your face displayed nothing but shock and confusion with his confession and you just can’t believe your crush actually likes you so all you can say is “what?” and he just grabbed your hands and interlocked them with his while saying

“I like you so much and I’ll do everything for you to be my girlfriend”

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THANK YOU!