#but you still do it anyway because Someone Fucking Has To and the people of the world are worth protecting even at such an impossible cost

[side-by-side-sideblog]

As a butch individual I will not like you, fuck you, talk to you, make friends with you, or entertain you if you hate men, neither will my partner and other butches I know. It is not progressive, man hating isn't queer culture, because men are queer culture. Men are why I am masc, they accepted my masculinity first, lesbians were butch and masculine phobic to me for 8 years till I figured my shit out. I know that isn't the norm, but it isn't rare either.

These people put me back in the closet over and over. They don't support gender or sex being a spectrum, if they do they're showing no signs of it. They think saying men dni will stop guys who harass people but they don't stop because they don't care about consent and a dni doesn't change that. There are plenty of girl bloggers who also don't respect consent and send people gore and threats over minor disagreements. We don't go after them hardly at all in comparison considering we have people who've been doing that since 2016 and earlier that people still reblog and uplift because they're women. Men doing that on here don't get that treatment, because it's rightfully wrong. Most other sites white non queer men do getaway with that more while women don't, the Tumblr user base reversing that isn't progressive, because cis white women here get more slack then anyone else because trans fems, trans mascs, intersex people, and non white people get the "evil" tag over small shit, let alone actual bad things.

We teach in current society that men are incapable of consent, as if it's in their nature. This isn't true, but it sure does create a lot of guys who lack boundaries. That doesn’t mean Man = Bad it means society saying Man = Wild Beast is bad. A man is just whoever identifies as one, and identifying as a man has nothing to do with lack of consent, or toxic masculinity. I sometimes wonder if I identify as butch in a man way, idk, and I don't care, I am who I am, and women are who I spend time with in a queer way. My closeness to masculinity isn't traitor behavior. Femininity isn't Divinity, I do not worship women. Masculinity isn't an Ignominity, I do not criminalize men. Masculinity is also not Divinity, and Femininity isn't an Ignominity. Both can be fallible at times when the conditions are right, but they are neutral markers.

To make man = good we do that by just changing ourselves and our ideas of masculinity being bad, then we teach it to everyone else, including kids, friends, partners, and parents. When people stop the "boys will be boys" then more men will be taught consent.

I have an actual irrational hatred for a character that makes me burst into anger and hour long rants (not joking) because I see him as the epitome of toxic masculinity. Seeing him in a profile picture can ruin my day, but I do not put him in a dni list because I am not going to blame fans of him for my distaste in how the media itself supports his bad actions as good. Just like if I get harassed by men who lack consent, I will not blame all men and put men dni.

Saying "I block ＿" is better anyway.

Plus, how can you know someone's a woman? Not everyone has pronouns listed, gender listed, or just a big neon sign saying "I'm a woman." you will have no idea if people are respecting your frankly outrageous ask of who can follow or reblog your posts.

Men on this site who respect women and reblog posts do exist, and there are a lot of them. Also trans eggs who are on this site are not going to figure themselves out through media like mlp, she-ra, and whatever you post by saying men dni. My trans sister cracked her egg six months ago, so for her blog she would have steered clear of men dni disclaimers and probably blocked them out of respect. Now how does she undo that, go through her entire block list? That would be crazy work for people who wouldn't have respected her pre transition (which they didn't, not even other trans girls or queer gurls in highschool did, only now would they support her. That's what man hating does to people.)

There is no simple solution to keeping people away, oh wait... It's called blocking.

tldr; Having a dni for an entire demographic of people just for the flaws of a few inside doesn't work. It never will. People who don't care about consent will breach it to hurt you.

if you have "cishet men dni" in your bio i, a trans man, will not touch you with a 10 foot pole. i should not be forced to out myself as a trans man just to interact with you. on top of that, cishet men are not inherently evil. stop trying to reinvent bioessentialism with your "girl good, boy bad!" mentality.

[bunni-v1]

May we get some crk thoughts, my liege? I too have a hyperfixation—

Shadow Milk Cookie Headcannons (SFW & NSFW)

🍓Thank you for the excuse to write this shit, I feel less insane being asked to do it lol. I still think this might taint my public image, so lets hope none of my future employers fuck with tumblr. Anyway only smc since he's who I'm obsessing over. I was gonna add pv, but I write wayyyy too much to include both of them on one post. Maybe I'll do him if someone asks nicely. I'll have a mix of both sfw and nsfw so beware lol.

MDNI (I'll find u)

TW: Shadow Milk Cookie; Obsessive behaviors; Stalking mentioned; Nsfw under the cut; unedited

Info: Shadow Milk Cookie x Reader; Sfw & Nsfw headcannons

Credit for Beast Bite Idea: @rollingeevee (go give them love I adore this AU)

-To start I'm gonna say, he's insane, like genuinely. He leans into a lot of yandere-esque behaviors, but I firmly believe he's not a full-on yandere, just really fucked up in the head (trauma and such, poor thing, wah wah wah.)

-Pre-Corruption Shadow Milk surely had a lot of admirers, but admiration is very different from genuine love and connection. He was, in a very literal sense, on a different level than all the cookies on earthbread. He's immortal, a god meant to care for all cookies, romantic relationships with cookies (other than the other heroes) just aren't an option in his mind. (For the sake of these, none of the beasts have had any romantic interaction with him, because I don't wanna deal with that can of worms rn.)

-All that to say, it's highly unlikely he has much experience in relationships. Maybe he's had flings, and some sexual encounters, but I doubt he would commit to someone he would inevitably lose to time. And, sure, he certainly could artificially extend their lifetime... but that's unethical and unfair to his partner. The burden of immortality is not one a regular cookie is baked to bear.

-So when he is inevitably corrupted and sealed away, romance isn't really a thought on his mind. He's very fixated on escaping that stupid tree and enacting his revenge. Which he does, at least in part, and with his freedom comes half of his powers and ensuing chaos.

-There are not many ways he could meet you if I'm quite honest, so I'll leave that up to personal interpretation. However you do meet him, though, you have to be intriguing. He gets bored of people easily, so you have to stand out -- be that in your demeanor or the way you speak or how you challenge him, it just has to be interesting. Once he's interested he's hooked.

-He's rather... mmm... obsessive? He likely stalks you for a while before he makes any moves. He wants to learn your patterns, the cookies you surround yourself with, the things you like, your job, your favorite foods, what flowers you like, and how do you feel about his chaos? He'll even manipulate things around you, just to see how you might react. (Is it fucked up? Yeah, lol! But isn't it equally endearing? He seems to think so.)

-You have frequent reoccurring dreams about him in this period of time. You've only seen him from a distance at this point, but you can't quite shake him from your thoughts. What's very important here is that you realize that your thoughts are not your own. Acknowledge that he's watching, and make sure that he's aware you're aware. Be that by purposefully doing something he could recognize as acknowledgment, or outright saying that you're aware he's messing with you. He values curiosity and intelligence in a person, if you can break yourself out of his cycle he's 100% sold on you.

-It doesn't take much longer after that for him to make his first official appearance. Bowing gracefully in front of you as he materializes from thin air, smiling like a man driven mad by infatuation.

-Believe it or not, he's really not all that creepy or pushy. He's very playful and charming, and while you have the knowledge he'd been watching you for a long time at this point, it's hard not to fall for him. He flirts with an ease that no other cookie really has, and he's so very funny never failing to get a smile out of you at his jokes.

-Now, this may go against what others characterize him as a lot, but I don't believe he's the type to steal you away and lock you up. Shadow Milk is a cookie who wants to be wanted, he doesn't want his feelings to be entirely one-sided, it would really hurt him to pour himself into someone who does not want to reciprocate his passions.

-He's unbelievably patient with you. Despite what the mental manipulation from earlier implies, he allows you to set the pace and make the moves, mostly nudging you gently in the direction he wants you to go now that he has your attention. Again, he wants you to choose him. He wants you to love him, so he will happily wait as long as it takes for you to realize and accept your longing for him.

-He gives you the flowers you like, and listens to you talk about your exceedingly boring days (with rapt attention, of course, he loves listening to you talk as much as he loves talking). If you ask, he'll take you anywhere you'd like to go on earthbread with a snap of his fingers, showing you sights you'd only dreamed of seeing. (Whether or not these are illusions are still up for debate).

-It's very hard not to fall for him with all this considered, and he knows that of course. He was just waiting for you to confess, and you have to confess. He won't do it even if you make it clear you want him to. It's not something he'd ever admit to you -- or himself -- but he doesn't want to risk even the slightest bit of rejection. It would break him more than he's already been broken, so you'll have to do it for our poor little jester.

-When you do though? Oh, he's over the moon! Practically swooning as he scoops you up and spins you around in celebration. He's so overjoyed. He is wanted, there is someone in this world who loves him genuinely. There's no false platitudes or any worshipping done, just raw affection between the two of you. (Just the tiniest bit of manipulation at the start, but obviously you've dismissed and forgiven that at this point).

-Again, he doesn't immediately take you away from your life if you don't wish to be. He does heavily encourage you to come spend your days with him, though. He can take care of you, he's literally a god, you'll never ever want for anything so long as he can control it (which he can, duh).

-I feel it very important to emphasize that in a relationship with him, you are equal. Even if you literally cannot be equal in stature and power, you are equal in the relationship -- if anything you have more sway over him than he does over you. He's very, very in love with you, and he will do just about anything you ask of him so long as it doesn't interfere with obtaining his souljam.

-Having established that, let's get to the fun stuff.

-Shadow Milk Cookie is very physically and verbally affectionate. If you are around him it's likely he's touching you in some way. Whether that's him literally hanging off you like a baby monkey or just a hand on your arm, he likes to have a physical tether to you.

-Plenty of messy wet kisses all over your cute little face, he loves seeing you get all flustered and feeling your dough burn up from his barrage of affections.

-It's also very common for him to carry you around in various different styles. Over the shoulder, piggback, princess style, like a sack of potatoes... doesn't really matter. It's also a regular occurrence that you fall asleep as he floats around the spire of all knowledge. He doesn't need sleep, and he does not sleep often, but he likes holding you while you do so. It's proof of your trust in him, and he usually uses the time you are sleeping to be more genuinely affectionate. Soft words whispered in your ears bringing you sweet dreams as he runs his hands up and down your back, kissing the crown of your head with such love it would make a grown man blush.

-He calls you cute little nicknames, like shortcake or sweet thing. The most common, and his favorites, are doll/dolly and little star. (Little star is something he hums with such affection it makes you weak in the knees. You know he's feeling more adoring when he uses it.) Talks about how cute you are, how pretty you are, how desirable you are. How any cookie would be so lucky to have you -- too bad they could never compete with him!

-That being said, most of his affections are pretty surface-level stuff at the start of the relationship. At least, what you get to see. He has a hard time opening up to others, he's a very sensitive cookie deep down in his dough. It takes quite a while to get him out of his shell and start showing you who he is as himself.

-Who he is, is a very aching cookie. He lost so much, struggled with his own corruption, and still hasn't fully accepted it himself. He feels as though he has been betrayed and discarded by everything he once loved, it's no wonder he has a hard time showing you such ugly sides of himself.

-You warm him up, melt him slowly, and you get to see peaks of genuine love and adoration behind those heterochromatic eyes. He may never allow you to see all of him at once, but you do get to know him. If you continue to love him despite seeing the uglier side of things, there is a distinct shift in the way he showers you in affection.

-Initially, he's very showy with everything, his love is a spectacle for the two of you to watch. It's almost like he's put himself outside of the relationship rather than in it. After he opens up, it's quieter, more intimate. He's more involved in it, like it's less about showing you how much he loves you, and more about sharing that mutual feeling between the two of you.

-You didn't have much room to show him how much you cared for him, but now you do. He allows you to initiate physical affection and doesn't flinch away at the touch. He accepts your words of admiration for what they are, not questioning your intentions for any reason.

-Kisses are softer, more full of emotion. Less like he's drowning you and more like he's trying to swallow you up. Desperation to have you as close to him as possible can take him over quite frequently during make-out sessions, and they leave you breathless and fuzzy rather than burning and flustered.

-Now, you can't write Shadow Milk without acknowledging how fucking jealous he is all the time. Now, I believe it's less of a jealousy thing (though, that really is something that is frequent), and more of a possessive/protective thing.

-He doesn't get jealous of the average cookie, alright, not unless you show interest for whatever reason. They're not really a threat to him, and why would they be? He's secure enough to know that you wouldn't leave him for some random half-baked simpleton. HOWEVER, he DOES get jealous of the other beasts and especially Pure Vanilla Cookie.

-The other beasts aren't as powerful as him, but they're still powerful and cunning (some of them at least). Truly, on a level of divinity and ability to care for you, they are his closest competition. Even still, he only gets jealous if one of them seems to want to stake a claim on you, or you become too fascinated with one of them.

-If neither is the case, he highly encourages you to form relationships with them. They are cookies that, seemingly, he cares for. While they can be difficult to get along with, if you are someone Shadow Milk deems worth his time, you are someone they will also deem worth their time.

-Ah, I should also mention he gets... pouty about Black Sapphire and Candy Apple. He doesn't see either of them as a threat, so I couldn't say he's jealous... he just gets annoyed when you're being attentive to them when he's around. Black Sapphire is smart enough to set hard boundaries with you to start, for both of your sakes, but your relationship with him is very positive. You are Shadow Milk Cookies partner, after all, you're a very important Cookie and Black Sapphire has no reason to be unkind to you.

-Candy Apple Cookie on the other hand is the one who's jealous here. You find her positively adorable and her little crush on Shadow Milk is nothing but endearing in your eyes, but she very much is huffy about your relationship with him. Of course, she can't do anything to you, that would only turn against her in the end so she just pouts. You can win her over slowly, though, just by being sweet to her and comforting her when Shadow Milk rejects her once again.

-Your relationship with them seemingly pleases Shadow Milk, though you can't really tell if he's happy or not. Sometimes he seems pleased, other times he's pouty, so who really knows other than him.

-However, the cookie that really seriously gets under his skin the most is Pure Vanilla. He does everything in his power to keep the two of you as far away from one another as possible, but it's almost inevitable that you meet PV, especially when he becomes Truthless Recluse.

-Pure Vanilla is everything Shadow Milk is not. Kind, gentle, patient, soft-spoken, and of course truthful. He's very afraid you may meet PV and realize that you do not want to be with him anymore. You would rather have someone like Pure Vanilla Cookie to dote on you in a fashion that he cannot bring himself to do openly yet.

-Of course, you don't, but that doesn't stop the fear from seeping into his dough. The only way to ease him is by being patient and displaying your loyalty through and through. He won't really be calm until Pure Vanilla is take care of, but you can assure him that you won't be leaving him for his other half anytime soon.

-Circling back to his possessive and protective tendencies, Shadow Milk does see you as an object of his affection. He is fully aware you are your own cookie, you are not something he ever wishes to control entirely and remove autonomy from, but you are his. His to keep and love and protect.

-He's very obsessive about your well-being and happiness. If something hurts you (alive or not), it's gone, destroyed. He won't even make a show of it, it just disappears. If you are upset, he is there doing everything to make you feel better. Whatever you want, whatever you need! He's here for you, please rely on him (he needs you to rely on him).

-If you are out and about he keeps an eye on you, which you are aware of. It's rather obvious, so even if he doesn't tell you, you can feel him watching you. Ignoring it becomes easier with time, but if anything happens to you he wastes no time in popping up and taking care of whatever happens.

-This leads into my next headcanon (inspired by the ever-talented @rollingeevee go check them out!), he has a bite of sorts that he uses as a means of monitoring you. It's something he uses to pinpoint where you are at all times, even when he's not monitoring you actively. The bite acts as a connection between you and him, emotionally and physically tying the two of you together.

-You can feel what he feels through the bite, anger, sadness, joy, pretty much anything he feels you can feel. It also acts as a reminder to you that you should not stray too far from where he is, sending an uncomfortably heavy feeling through your dough. (This is a manifestation of his worry, and it only really happens when he notices you've gone somewhere a little too far from the safety of the spire).

-However, this goes both ways. He can also feel what you feel at the same intensity that you feel it. You can, likely less so, also tell where he is. There is a pull in the back of your mind from the magic telling you where to find him at all times, and it only lets go when you are in proximity of him. If you miss him, he feels the same heavy feeling in his dough reminding him that you would like him by your side.

-Now, finally, we have to address the topic of mortality. Shadow Milk is likely more aware than you ever will be of how mortal you really are. This is why he's so very protective and possessive of you, he doesn't want to lose you prematurely.

-However, if you are okay with it, he is completely fine with artificially extending your life span. In fact, he does it happily. He might even start doing it without asking if the topic hasn't been broached in a certain amount of time. He wants to spend as long as you'll allow him by your side, and if that means breaking a few rules of magic and cookie society then so be it. He's a god after all, he doesn't have to answer to anyone (other than the witches).

-Anyway, let's get to the shit you freaks are really here for. (Me, I'm freaks.)

-I don't really think sexual intimacy is something Shadow Milk desires all that much, but he more so likes it because it's... interesting? I'm sure he derives physical pleasure from sexual intercourse, but less so than the average cookie might. Most of his enjoyment comes from seeing you enjoy yourself.

-It goes without saying, but Shadow Milk Cookie is a freak. He's into pretty much anything under the sun (except maybe one thing...), and so long as you're down to try something he's happy to oblige you.

-He is a switch, but he leans dom most of the time, and you won't get him to sub early on in your relationship. That requires a bit too much trust for him, so he'll need time to be cool with giving you that kind of control over him. But he will bottom for you as your relationship progresses, and that's a whole different side to him.

-Lets start with him in a dominant role, though, since it's more common to get from him.

-Obviously, he's a tease, through and through. He loves to watch you squirm and react to the things he does. Tantalizingly light touches drawn over your dough, teeth grazing your soft body almost piercing but never quite getting deep enough, heated breath blown over your most sensitive spots but never relieving you with his mouth as you so desperately need.

-Truthfully he could spend another thousand years just tracing over you, committing each inch to memory until he's satisfied in knowing every inch of you. Unfortunately, (or fortunately), he's not nearly as patient in the bedroom as he is outside of it. Not with all of you on display for him, so trusting and open, ready for him to defile you. Oh, his sweet, sweet little dolly~

-Even with his impatience, his teasing does not stop. His hands continue to ghost over you, making sure you're still squirming even as he succumbs to his need to taste you.

-Oh, and tastes you he does. He doesn't have to subscribe to regular cookie physical limitations, so he somehow manages to swallow you whole. Jaw unhinging so he can get as much as he needs from you, tongue splitting itself to give you attention everywhere, and god is it long and dexterous. He can reach so very deep and it moves with such precision, it makes you cum embarrassingly fast.

-That is if he allows you to cum in the first place. He's a big fan of edging, which shouldn't be a surprise. He likes to get you so close, then deny you of your pleasure. Your whining and grumbling is the cutest thing on all of earthbread, don't you know? He can't help but edge you when you're so damn cute every time.

-Your pleasure is in his hands, and it requires such relinquishing of power and trust. In a weird way it makes him feel warm and fuzzy inside, especially when you thank him over and over once he finally allows you to come undone after hours of teasing.

-Speaking of, he is a big fan of being praised for the work he does on you. Your moans and pleas are reward enough, but if you mumble out about how good you feel, how much you love him, how amazing he is he'll become drunk on your praise. Chasing after it with fervor, meaning he's going down on you with so much more excitement somehow.

-He's into blood (jam?) play. He likes leaving physical reminders of your relationship all over your body (yes, even ur vag/dick if you let him). With how sharp his teeth are, it's impossible for you not to bleed when he does so, and he does really like the sight of your jam. It's so pretty and so different from his own, another reminder of how different you are, and how much you trust him. (He'll lick it up and purr at the taste.)

-Bruises are also littered about your dough, his grip on you is tight, like you might slip away from him. The treatment is rough and harsh, but it feels so nice to be manhandled by him. The bruises are just nice little reminders of who you belong to. (He gets all proud when other cookies worry about them, like he's done something worthy of praise).

-He likes watching, he's very much a voyeur. Occasionally requests that you pleasure yourself for him so he can watch you struggle to get off, and he'll only help you out when you're near tears begging him.

-He prefers coming across you by himself, without having to request it. Or just feeling waves of pleasure through your bite. He'll watch you quietly fuck yourself without letting you know he's there. (Though, you most certainly can feel his eyes on you, that's what makes it so fun right?) Sometimes he'll join you after, and other and times he'll leave you be, it's 50/50 either way and regardless you still end up happy.

-If anyone else walks in on you when you're alone, he's very unpleasant. Accident or not they'll learn to be more aware of their surroundings next time.

-That doesn't mean he's against being watched though. Actually, he finds the idea of someone else seeing how well he treats you enticing (especially if it's someone like Pure Vanilla hehe). If you are together and someone walks in (or spots you in public), he won't stop. Instead, he'll lock eyes with them and smile big and wide, showing off his favorite little dolly for them.

-He's just so proud of you, and you're so very pretty beneath him, the whole world should get to see how you fall apart for him. He'll even make you look at them just to see how you fluster.

-If the offender tries to do anything other than watch, though, well... I really hope they didn't want to live for much longer. He's very much not a sharer, at all. The idea of anyone even thinking they could touch you and make you feel good both makes him laugh and want to tear them apart at once.

-He's very much into roleplaying and can get really into it. To the point, it loses the sexiness and is just the two of you playing around, which can be a bummer but is usually really fun. He likes things that lean into power dynamics but explicitly avoids god/king and worshipper/subject. A little too close to home for him, and would honestly be too boring and basic for him.

-He loves it when you dress up for him in pretty little outfits, be it lingerie or something more cutesy, he adores it regardless. Going out of your way to pretty up for him is a huge turn-on. He also loves it when you let him dress you up how he likes. Regardless of what you're wearing, it's not coming off the whole night. It will get ruined and he won't apologize for it. Besides, he can just replace it, right?

-Sex is more fun for him, but he can be intimate when he wants to be. Usually, when you're in control, he is at his most gentle. Yes, he's a brat when he bottoms and he'll fight you tooth and nail, but once you get him to submit he's the softest and sweetest you've ever seen him.

-He looks at you like you're the god, wide eyes taking in everything you do with such admiration it might make you crumble on the spot.

-He's much quieter, treating it less like a spectacle. Moans soft and squeaky, like he's not used to using his voice in such a way. He clings to you like a vice at each little movement, almost afraid you might disappear if he lets you go.

-Oh, and he praises you so much. 'So good', 'Thank you', 'You're perfect', and 'I love you' all tumble from him with such genuine gratitude.

-Being allowed to let his guard down and have you take control is cathartic for him, which is why it's so uncommon to have it happen. It's why he fights you for control so hard because this is an intimacy he isn't used to. It is hard for him to allow you to see him so weak, but you never use it against him. You're so very sweet and loving, and it makes him melt like butter in your grasp.

-If you have the bite I mentioned earlier, it only makes things so much more intense. Both of you can feel the raw emotion connecting the two of you, making the pleasure heighten further.

-In fact, when he gives you the bite it's the first time he allows you to top him. To connect you to him makes him very vulnerable, so he would naturally have to be in a vulnerable state already when he does so.

-It's unlike any of his other bites, it's far more painful when he initially bites down, but when his magic flows through it your body feels light and airy. The pleasurable feeling wrapping itself around your spine, and you feel what he's feeling. All that adoration pours into your being at once, and it's overwhelming to really feel how much he loves you.

[heeluvv]

rockstar!jay who fucks you senseless in the dressing room/limo after a show all sweaty and in heat from the adrenaline 🥰🧸

okayyy wait bc i love this request, (did it a bit different but still) so here it is!

𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐌 𝄞

pairing ♪ rockstar! park jongseong x style consultant! reader

genre ♪ smut

warnings ♪ p in v, unprotected sex, etc.

natty's notes ♪ mdni, hate comments will be deleted.

working at a high-end boutique in the heart of the city, you’ve seen your fair share of celebrities. actors, models, influencers—people who walk in draped in designer labels, their egos just as expensive as the clothes they buy. you’re used to the way they scan the store, looking for exclusivity, for something rare, something to set them apart.

you’ve learned to stay detached, polite but distant. no one ever stays long enough to remember your name anyway.

but when he walks in, something shifts.

jay fucking park.

rockstar, guitarist, frontman of the most infamous band of the decade. the kind of man whose presence changes the energy of a room the second he steps inside. and now, he’s standing just a few feet away from you.

black boots heavy against the marble floor. silver rings glinting under the soft boutique lighting. a fitted leather jacket hugging his frame, worn and broken in, like it’s been through the kind of nights people write songs about. his dark, tousled hair falls just over his sharp eyes, and he pushes it back with a hand that’s littered with silver and ink.

his gaze lands on you.

there’s a flicker of something in his expression—amusement, curiosity. he takes you in, slow and deliberate, the weight of his attention pinning you in place.

"hello, welcome. what can i do for you?" you ask politely, keeping your tone professional despite the man standing in front of you.

jay fucking park.

his presence is overwhelming, even in the soft, elegant lighting of the boutique. the air around him seems heavier, charged with the kind of energy only someone like him carries—someone untouchable, yet standing right here, waiting for you to assist him like he’s just another client.

he doesn’t respond immediately. instead, he watches you, his gaze sharp, assessing, lingering a beat too long. and then, the corner of his lips tugs upward into the faintest smirk.

"i'm looking for something to wear tonight," he says, his voice smooth, dipped in amusement. "something that’ll turn heads. more than i already do."

cocky. effortless. the kind of arrogance that should be off-putting, but coming from him, it feels natural—like he’s earned the right to say it. because he has.

still, you school your expression, keeping your reaction buried deep.

"of course," you say evenly. "we have a few selections i think you’d like."

without waiting for a response, you turn on your heel, leading him through the boutique, toward a more secluded section—where the real exclusives are kept.

but you feel it.

his eyes.

scanning you, slow and unashamed, dragging over the curve of your waist, the dip of your back, lingering just a little too long lower than they should. it should make you uncomfortable, but instead, a quiet thrill hums beneath your skin.

you ignore it.

the racks ahead are lined with clothes that scream power—pieces meant for those who belong under flashing lights, those who are the moment. if you were a star, this is what you’d go for. something bold, something that demands attention.

but you’re not.

you’re here, stuck assisting the people who are everything you want to be.

jay steps beside you, close enough that you catch the faint scent of leather and something richer, something undeniably him.

"these," you say, motioning toward the selection. "they’d suit you."

he doesn’t look at the clothes.

he looks at you.

and you’re not sure whether it’s the boutique lighting or something else entirely, but his gaze feels hotter now, heavier. like he’s considering something far beyond fabric and fit.

“yeah?” his voice is lower now, threaded with something unreadable.

you swallow, steadying yourself.

“yeah.”

jay makes his selection quickly, barely sparing a glance at the price tags as he pulls items from the racks—pieces that match the effortless kind of allure he carries. he doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t second-guess. it’s like he already knows what will look good on him, and really, why wouldn’t he?

one of his assistants steps forward, arms already filled with the chosen clothes. jay doesn’t even acknowledge them, his focus trained on you instead. when he turns to face you, that smirk is still there, lazy and knowing, like he’s enjoying the way you try—and fail—to act unaffected.

“where’s your dressing room, princess?”

the pet name rolls off his tongue too easily, too smooth. it shouldn’t sound as good as it does. shouldn’t make your stomach tighten the way it does.

but it does.

you hate that you react, that you feel the way you do. your breath catches, and heat licks up your spine as you press your thighs together, forcing yourself to appear unaffected.

still, the words don’t come as quickly as you want them to.

“towards the left…” you finally manage, voice quieter than intended.

jay hums, his amusement only growing. he takes a step closer, and the air between you shifts—electric, heavier.

“could you lead the way again?”

it’s not really a question.

your throat tightens, but you don’t respond. you just turn on your heel and start walking, pulse hammering as you make your way down the dimly lit hallway leading to the private dressing rooms. you can hear him following, his footsteps slow, deliberate, stretching the tension between you even further.

reaching one of the spacious, high-end fitting rooms, you push the door open, stepping aside to let him in. the space is sleek, lined with floor-to-ceiling mirrors and a plush bench in the center.

jay nods toward his assistant. “leave them inside.”

the assistant quickly does as told, placing the clothes neatly on the padded seat. but when they step back, jay doesn’t follow them. he stays put. right next to you.

then, just as casually as he commands everything else, he adds, “wait by the entrance.”

his assistant hesitates, just for a second, like they, too, are confused. but they don’t question him. they nod and disappear down the hallway, leaving just the two of you in the doorway of the private fitting room.

your brows furrow slightly, but you don’t say anything.

you should question it.

but you don’t.

because his gaze is already back on you—intent, unreadable. like he’s considering something.

and for some reason, you don’t move.

he doesn’t wait. not a second longer.

before you can process it, before you can take a steadying breath, jay's hands are on you—firm, calculated—as he pushes you inside the dressing room. the door clicks shut behind him, sealing you both inside, and suddenly, the air feels hotter, heavier.

your back barely meets the mirror wall before his lips crash against yours.

it steals the breath from your lungs, leaves you dizzy, caught in the force of him—of his heat, his urgency, the way he doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t second-guess. your gasp barely makes it past your lips before you respond in kind, hands reaching, gripping onto the back of his neck, threading into his dark hair as you pull him closer.

he takes it as an invitation—like he was waiting for it.

his hands find your waist, fingers digging in just enough to make you shiver before he lifts you, like you weigh nothing, pressing you against the cool mirror behind you. the contrast of heat and cold sends a shock down your spine, but it’s nothing compared to the way he looks at you now—lips swollen, breath unsteady, eyes dark with something unreadable.

his smirk is still there, lazy and amused, like he’s won a game you didn’t even realize you were playing.

“thought acting all unaffected wouldn’t be too obvious, princess?” he taunts, his voice low, teasing, sending a sharp thrill down your spine.

you open your mouth—maybe to deny it, maybe to tell him where he can shove that cocky smirk—but then he shakes his head, clicking his tongue, his breath warm against your lips.

“i see right through you,” he murmurs, a soft chuckle leaving him before his lips crash back onto yours.

this kiss is rougher, deeper—like he’s trying to pull something from you, something you weren’t ready to admit. his hands move, fingers fumbling with the buttons of your suit uniform, grazing against the fabric in a way that has heat coiling low in your stomach.

you can barely think.

because this is happening.

you are kissing jay fucking park.

in a dressing room.

and god, you don’t want it to stop.

he doesn’t waste a second.

your suit jacket is stripped off in a matter of moments, the expensive fabric crumpling onto the floor, forgotten. his hands move with practiced ease, working at the buttons of your crisp white shirt, undoing them one by one in a frenzy. his breathing is heavier now, uneven, as he pushes the fabric aside, revealing the delicate lace of your white bra.

jay stills for a moment, his gaze darkening as he takes in the sight.

he groans lowly, the sound vibrating deep in his chest. “fuck…”

his fingers brush over the lace, featherlight, almost reverent. the material cups your breasts perfectly, hugging your skin in a way that makes it look like it was meant to slip off. the sight of you like this—flushed, breathless, pinned against the mirror—has something primal flickering behind his eyes.

“you’re so fucking hot,” he mutters, voice rough, strained with something dangerously close to desperation.

before you can respond, his lips are on you again, but this time, they travel lower, down the curve of your jaw, trailing the length of your throat. his kisses are slow, deliberate, each one pressed into your skin like he’s leaving his mark—like he wants to leave his mark.

his teeth graze the sensitive spot just beneath your ear, and when he bites down, just enough to make you feel it, a soft gasp escapes your lips.

his smirk returns against your skin.

“like that, princess?” he taunts, voice a low whisper against your pulse.

you don’t even try to hide the way your body responds.

“fuck, jay…” you grunt, your head tilting back, pressing against the cool surface of the mirror, granting him more access.

he takes full advantage of it, his lips moving lower, mouth open, sucking at the delicate skin of your neck, his tongue swiping over the bruises he leaves behind.

heat pools in your stomach, burning, unrelenting.

he’s everywhere—all over you, consuming every breath, every thought—until there’s nothing else but him.

your breath hitches as his hungry mouth finds your breast, lips enveloping the soft flesh before pulling back to let his teeth graze and nip, sending shockwaves of sensation coursing through you. moans spill from your lips, filling the room with a symphony of desire, but there's no need for silence; the world outside has faded away, leaving only the two of you in this secret, secluded haven.

his knee presses insistently between your thighs as he tugs at your pants, peeling them away along with your panties, baring you completely. he mirrors your state, kicking off his own pants, and your eyes are drawn to his thick, hard length. a whimper escapes your lips, a flicker of doubt crossing your mind. will it fit? he sees your hesitation, eyes dark with desire and reassurance. "i'll make it fit, baby.." he murmurs, his voice a low growl as he positions himself at your entrance, pushing in with a groan. the feeling of you, tight and hot, gripping him like a vice, sends waves of pleasure crashing over him. you cry out, his name a litany on your lips as he stretches you, fills you completely, your bodies joined in a dance as old as time.

Your hands clutch onto his shoulders, nails digging into his flesh as his powerful hands grip underneath your thighs, driving his rock-hard cock into you with a desperate, primal rhythm. "Fuck, baby… you're so fucking tight…" he groans, his breath hot on the nape of your neck, your head thrown back against the cool mirror. You're in heaven, barely able to believe the intensity of the moment, the sheer ecstasy of his body against yours.

he pistons into you, each thrust more urgent than the last, shifting positions to plunge deeper, to feel more of you. suddenly, he flips you around, your breasts and cheeks pressed firmly against the mirror, its cold surface a stark contrast to the heat of your bodies. he enters you from behind, his cock drilling into you with relentless passion. "look how fucking good you look, baby… taking my dick so well, huh?" he groans, sweat beading on his forehead, his lips constantly caught between his teeth in a futile attempt to suppress louder moans. he fails miserably, unable to contain his pleasure as you clench around him, your body milking his with each thrust. the room fills with the raw, carnal sounds of your passion, a symphony of desire and release.

your breath hitches as you cry out, "jay, fuck! i'm going to cum!" your legs quiver beneath him, no longer pressed against the fogged-up mirror, but now sprawled on the velvet bench in the dressing room's heart. your back arches like a bow against him as you lay on your stomach, his hand firmly gripping your neck, the other clutching your waist, pulling you back to meet his relentless thrusts. "gonna cum for me, princess?" he growls, his voice a ragged whisper, his length throbbing inside you as he nears his own release.

"fuck, fuck, jay!" you gasp, your eyes rolling back, your body convulsing as he increases his pace, his hips slapping against you. your inner muscles clench around him, a tight, pulsating grip that sends waves of pleasure crashing through you.

"fuck yeah, baby…" he groans, his voice rough and primal, his head thrown back, tendons straining in his neck. he can feel you, your climax imminent, your body tensing around him. you shatter with a cry, your release drenching him, your body shaking beneath him. he plunges deep, deeper than before, filling you completely as he finds his own release, his hot climax spilling into you, overflowing. maybe, just maybe, your job wasn't so bad after all.

natty's notes ♪ i hope you enjoyed!

[that-house]

The Tarrasque Can Blow Me or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Make 5e Bosses That Don't Suck

HI, I'm Catherine that-house, and I play Dungeons and Dragons Fifth Edition almost as much as I hate it. I do this because I am a sicko pervert who likes to tinker with abysmal dogshit, not because it's a good game. This screed is dedicated to everyone trapped in the same mine as me.

D&D 5e combat sucks! Here's the flow chart for your melee champion fighter's turn:

IF BAD GUY: smack bad guy

IF BAD GUY WITHIN 30 FT: move to bad guy, smack bad guy

IF LOW ON HP: second wind

IF NO BAD GUY WITHIN 30 FT: dash towards nearest bad guy

action surge, take it from the top

IF YOU'RE FEELING DARING TODAY: maybe a grapple or an item interaction

And pretty much any non-caster monster has a pretty similar flowchart: there's no real back and forth, just the same set of actions over and over and the only time you have to pay attention on someone else's turn is for an attack of opportunity maybe. Finally one side reduces the other side's number to 0, and you can get back to roleplaying in your roleplaying game.

In general, I strive to make my boss fights hard and interesting, with interesting being the more important of the two. For some reason the wicked clowns working at WOTC got it into their heads that the only ways to make a fight hard are Bigger Number and Less Counterplay. I don't have any data on how they sought to make fights interesting because as far as I can tell they were too busy siccing the Pinkertons on people like it's the fucking 1800s.

Probably not all 5e combat is like this. But, like, look at the statblock for the Tarrasque, the CR 30 "strongest monster in the game" and try to tell me that that thing looks INTERESTING to fight. Difficult? Maybe, if your stats are bad. But INTERESTING? It walks at someone and murders the shit out of them, then rinses and repeats. The fetid dog turd that is the Tarraque is the perfect example of the Bigger Number, and even its meme status as the DM's "fuck you" monster is eclipsed by later additions to the game.

The other end of the "strongest 5e statblock" spectrum is shit like Sul Khatesh from Eberron, who earns the title of "most bullshit" by being immune to nonmagic attacks and creating antimagic fields. This is progress, because you might force someone to grapple it out of the field or something so everyone can deal damage! But this is still ultimately a pretty linear fight, not unlike fighting any other caster in the game, but with Less Counterplay.

My DMing style is pretty character goal-oriented, with the occasional bullshit superboss. We sit around for a few sessions while people pursue side projects and gather information, and then I subject them to the Horrors of a 5e fight that requires things like "positioning" and "planning" from turn to turn.

When playing a high level D&D campaign with insanely bullshit homebrew magic items and character-specific custom mechanics, it becomes necessary to pull out the big guns. The biggest guns. I'm talking a gun like my boy Hierarch Ozyas, undead demigod, father of monsters and heart of a living city, who had a meaty 2000 hit points and took somewhere in the vicinity of thirteen rounds of combat to bring down. Building bosses is an arms race and it's my job to lose in style. Here's Ozyas' statblock:

The bitch himself

Anyways I've been talking for a bit without actually saying anything of substance besides making fun of the Tarrasque. Which I will do one more time:

...deep breath...

D&D 5e is a pretty widely-disdained game by pretty much anyone who's ever played more than one RPG system. I myself only play it because I enjoy game design, and the thoroughly-beaten dead horse that WOTC calls a game serves as a decent foundation to do a lot of heavy tinkering. The Tarrasque is perfectly emblematic of all of the trash I have to wade through in order to get to the stuff worth keeping: it is an uninspired, anticlimactic relic of the past that didn't even manage to cling to a shred of its old glory and is instead content to wallow in the filth of what it once was, never once providing a challenge to any character with a flying speed. I would probably attempt to beat it to death with my hands (and fail, because it checks your character's stats rather than challenging you as a player in any way), but Jim the 1st level aaracokra with a save-forcing damage cantrip already solo'd it for me, so I'll settle for chewing through the throat of whichever game designer forgot they were making a "game" and submitted a three step flowchart for D&D's ultimate boss monster.

But anyways, I promised you a guide to how I design boss fights these days, so let's get to that.

Actually, first here's a quick aside about action economy that I didn't bother finding a place to fit in elsewhere: legendary actions are basically a necessity for any boss past level five or so. One big action is going to be a lot more polarizing than several small ones (i.e. one big crit on a large attack could completely flip the course of the fight, whereas multiple smaller attacks offer the same amount of damage output in a more consistent fashion). If you don't want to give your boss a bunch of HP to make it live long enough to take a few turns, you could consider giving it two turns in the initiative order (reducing the damage per turn to keep the damage per round constant). Low health minions are also a good way to pad out action economy, and even if they're easy to kill they tend to buy the boss another turn or two just from the actions it costs to take them down.

ANYWAYS, here's the core ideas I like to focus on in my boss design:

Keep them moving

Keep them working

Keep things changing

Reward good play

Punish mistakes

Make it a game

Along the way I'll be using snippets of the boss I mentioned above to illustrate examples of these principles and how they affected play. Let's begin.

KEEP THEM MOVING Positioning doesn't really matter in 5e. AoEs and movement values are both so large that you can easily get away with not having a battle map and sorta just tracking "in melee" or "not in melee." I run most fights without a battle map and just kinda track that, but for a good boss you need a map.

But how do we keep the game from just falling back into "move into range and hurt people," you ask? Simple: the Zone of Nasty. The Zone of Nasty is something on the map that is going to hurt the PCs if they're in it, and the Zone of Nasty moves. Depending on the boss, it could grow, shrink, follow a player, follow the boss, alternate between areas of the map, whatever. Some bosses might have multiple different Zones of Nasty that move in different ways and do different things.

There are other ways to force movement besides a moving AoE, such as punishing players for being too close or too far from each other or the boss.

The general principle here is that a boss should at times force suboptimal play: optimal play involves simply standing around, spending all your actions on damaging the boss, and it's incredibly boring from a strategic standpoint. There should be turns in which your players have to spend their action economy on protecting themselves or helping their allies. If they find themselves in a Zone of Nasty, it should force a decision between suffering the consequences to continue optimal play, or spending resources to get out of it.

Our boy Ozyas had a Cancer Field that he could move slowly around the arena that damaged and debuffed PCs inside it, and Pretender-God-Piercing Strike, a telegraphed line attack that oneshot anything that stayed in its area too long (more on this one later).

KEEP THEM WORKING Everyone needs a job to do! This job is probably just going to be based on what their class and abilities encourage them to do, but it sucks for someone to not be able to meaningfully participate in a boss fight.

Let the DPS players kick the boss's teeth in, obviously, but make sure the person who focused on AoE effects has some extra enemies that they can deal with. Bonus points if the extra enemies have something that forces them to be dealt with instead of just rushing the boss' HP bar.

Worst case scenario, throw in a secondary objective like completing a ritual, controlling a point on the map, or fighting the boss' soul on a higher plane to give someone who isn't immediately needed for DPS to still have something to do.

Ozyas spawned a bunch of extra monsters from these gross Birthing Pillars around the map, and killing the monsters and destroying the pillars provided a nice secondary course of action for people either not equipped to slug it out with the boss or not currently positioned right to fight him.

KEEP THINGS CHANGING The tarrasque sucks because it does one thing over and over until it works or it dies. The Theros splatbook improved on this marginally: Mythic Traits are fucking baller! Combats should change over the course of the fight, or this could have been a fucking autobattler. But we can go further.

In addition to occasionally shaking things up based on health thresholds, here's a few ways I like to do it:

Rotating list of effects that change every round

Huge list of options the boss can choose from for one of their effects with no repeats

Some sort of meter that increases and decreases based on what's happening in the fight and modifies the boss' abilities

Ozyas summoned new monsters every round and could customize the statblocks with a bunch of quick templates I whipped together, and in his second phase he started alternating between scaling the to hit/damage of his tentacle attack, the reach of his spear attack, and applying extra buffs to his summons.

REWARD GOOD PLAY These next two kind of tie together but the core idea here is that it's okay if a boss is a bit easy, as long as it makes your players work for it.

This can include things like ways to trivialize certain parts of the encounter as long as the players utilize them, typically at the cost of advancing other parts of the fight.

I knew that Ozyas was going to be a long fight, so I gave my players the ability to heal to full health, as an action, whenever they wanted. They were fighting inside Ozyas' body, and he was a generous host. However, any time they healed, he would be healed for the same amount. They got around this restriction by hitting him with Chill Touch to disable his own healing whenever people needed to heal, but that obviously had the cost of losing two actions' worth of damage output.

Towards the end of the fight, everyone was still standing thanks to that healing, but as he began to infinitely scale his stats once he reached his second phase and started taking them seriously, they couldn't afford to waste turns healing anymore and the safety net they built up by healing earlier in the fight kept anyone in the party from dying.

PUNISH MISTAKES The range on D&D characters' HP pools and general survivability can be pretty broad. I like to give my bosses a reasonably-heavy hitting melee and some sort of light ranged attack to remind the backliners that they too can die. But there's a third kind of attack.

The great equalizer.

The One Hit Knock Out move.

These need to be telegraphed. There needs to be copious time to get out of the area, or to stop the boss from using it, or whatever the case may be. But any superboss should have a way to threaten any player on equal standing: a move that will always hit if its conditions are met, and puts them clean to 0.

Ozyas' OHKO was Pretender-God-Piercing Strike, where at the end of each turn he would wind up a spear thrust with enough range to hit across the entire map, targeting a 15-foot line through the nearest player. Neither he nor the line could move after that, and if you were still in that line at the start of his next turn, you were done.

It wasn't hard to avoid: just walk like 10 feet and don't get pushed back in by another enemy. They even lined it up to target some of his own allies sometimes. But it forced them to think about positioning and stay moving, and there were a few times where it aaaaalmost caught someone in the line. The prospect of Instant Death really does wonders to ratchet up the tension.

And now, finally, we come to the most important part:

MAKE IT A GAME D&D 5e likes to jerk off while fantasizing about being real. "Catherine what the fuck are you talking about?" What I mean to say is that D&D makes a fumbling attempt towards a more simulationist style of game, trying to distance itself from the fact that it is, in fact, a game. It tries to comport itself like reality, such that every part of its combat makes sense in-universe, and then immediately falls short because it can't be assed to indulge in actual simulationism.

It is my belief that if you're going to spend 4 hours fighting a boss, and one of the boss mechanics doesn't really make much sense as an in-universe concept but does make the boss more interesting and fun to fight, then that's a perfectly fine mechanic. Obviously finding some way to justify it is preferable, but my bosses prioritize good gameplay over verisimilitude.

The upcoming boss in my campaign has a feature which puts the fight on a ten-round time limit before he begins kicking substantially more ass than he was before (and the prior ass-kickery was indeed already substantial). If this is a desperate fight with his life and his dreams on the line, why doesn't he open with that? If this were a WOTC statblock, barring a mythic trait, that's exactly how it would work. But fuck that, because it would make the fight way less interesting! Now there's time pressure! And sure, the post-round-ten version of the boss is meant to be fled from, not fought, but if he's at a low enough HP it could instead make for an insane climactic finish!

I let my players see the whole statblock before the fight. We talk through all of its abilities, and I'll even point out some of the potential points of complexity and the big risks to watch out for. There's no in-universe justification for why the characters would know this (beyond, perhaps "you're exceptional adventurers and are good at evaluating your foes"): in fact, one of the quintessential examples of classical 5e metagaming is the Guy Who's Read the Monster Manual. I think that's fucking stupid, though. With open statblocks:

Features can be game-warpingly deadly without instantly incurring a TPK born of ignorance. OHKO moves don't feel fair unless the counterplay is known

The players can strategize around the ways in which the boss is going to change throughout the fight

It's fundamentally fair. Some GMs just wait X turns and then let the boss go down when it takes a big, impressive hit (and I fully respect people who do that! That's still more compelling boss design than 5e's normal schlock), but I personally like when numbers have meanings.

You can still hide some information (I like to black out the boss' Mythic Trait, and then only use it if the players stomp the fight too easily), and you can still tweak it to adjust the difficulty, with the difference being that your players know it's being adjusted and how so (which again comes back to my feelings of fairness).

A few other fun mechanics to toss in include stacking debuffs that trigger something horrible at some certain threshold, additional win conditions or lose conditions, and silly little minigames. One trick I particularly enjoy is having my players secretly vote between two or more bad outcomes, and punishing them even more if the vote is tied.

CONCLUSION Your mileage may vary, but I'm hoping at least some of the insights here were useful to you! I have a particular strain of undiagnosed mental illnesses that make me especially predisposed towards piloting huge convoluted intricate bosses with 1k+ word statblocks, and I'm lucky enough to have players who know their shit well enough to play around this bullshit. Find something that works for you and your players.

If you hate 5e combat and think this sounds like way too much work to be worth doing, go play something else, like Pathfinder or Lancer or (heaven forbid) a game that actually struggles to trace its lineage of inspiration back to D&D. Go to itch.io and find some game no one's ever played before, and toss the creator a bit of money. The only way we're making it out of these goddamn Mines of Phandelver is if people try something new from time to time.

On the subject of cool games with cool combat, bear with me as I shill for a friend real quick. If you want a game that cares less about combat as an abstract dick measuring contest and more about combat as a facet of violence and all that that entails, check out [BXLLET> by @rathayibacter.

And, finally, from the bottom of my heart, fuck WOTC. Your books aren't even worth pirating, and the Tarrasque can blow me.

[thatonegreyghost]

Jayce is a sap. But everybody knows that. It's not a shock to see Jayce getting flowers and chocolates during the week leading up to St. Valentine's feast day, but no one questions it much. Jayce is a handsome man, it makes sense that he'd be picking up some nice wine and scented candles and massage oil. The ladies giggle and gossip, wondering and whispering about who his "secret" lover could be. Everybody talks about how lucky that person must be, to be spoiled by the genius who changed Piltover.

No one expects Viktor to be a sap.

He's snippy and irritable, sarcastic and sharp, short-tempered and cold-hearted. So the first year Jayce is spotted buying chocolates, everyone is shocked to see Viktor in the corner of the shop, tucking a rather pricey box under his arm before he picks out a stunning bouquet. and again the next year. And the next. Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times a pattern. By the beginning of the fourth year, one of Ximena Talis' friends has enough courage to approach and ask Viktor who he was buying all that for. Viktor laughs in her face, and shuffles off to pay for the flowers he's acquired.

The next year, Viktor is nowhere to be seen, but Jayce is found buying an entire bag of rose petals and a horrendously overpriced bath bomb. This time, it's a jealous young lady asking invasive question about who that's meant for. "It's for my partner!" Jayce replies with a confused smile.

He refuses to elaborate further.

The sixth year, something strange happens. Plenty of talk has been going around already about the boys' strange habits, but when they're spotted at dinner together, at a rather well-known if lower class restaurant, on the day itself, ...well, the rumor mill doesn't spin itself. The story is halfway around the city by noon the next day. For both those young men to lose their partners, at the same time, on Valentine's day no less! It's nothing short of a tragedy.

Mel mentions it in passing, cooing softly about how disappointed Jayce must have felt.

"What are you talking about?" Jayce laughs. "I had dinner with my partner at a restaurant we both love, and then we got to cuddle and listen to a new record together. I had the best night!"

Mel puts two and two together and immediately dismisses the conclusion. It's none of her business anyway.

The next year, Jayce is found at a gala thrown at the Kiramann estate. Viktor is also there, glaring over the edge of a champagne glass any time Jayce is not by his side. As the night wears on, people lose track of Viktor, and then they lose track of Jayce.

It's Caitlyn who finds them on the balcony, tipsy and laughing at each other, Viktor holding a bouquet of stunning Noxian roses in his hand as he cups Jayce's cheek, kissing them slowly.

"What the fuck?" Caitlyn shrieks, because she isn't above swearing when her fucking older brother gets caught kissing his lab partner.

"Cait, some privacy?" Jayce huffs.

"Language." Viktor quips.

"You two are fucking making out!" Caitlyn shouts.

The whole of the gala has stopped to stare out the doors at the commotion. Whispers fly around the room, and the gossips tell their friends about what they can hear from their perfect spot next to the door.

"Cait, will you chill? We weren't doing anything gross, Vik's just not a huge fan of PDA." Jayce protests. "I would still rather be at home. Your mother had to host the stupid gala on Valentine's?" Viktor concurs. "Since when is this a thing?" Caitlyn yelps. "Since, like, 7 years ago? Cait, you were there."

"Honestly, Miss Kiramann. You would think you would know better." The gossips giggle amongst themselves, but more and more young ladies turn away with crestfallen faces. 7 years of romance is nothing to sneeze at, after all, and to think all this time, Jayce Talis has been giving his heart to someone- a man, no less! "You've been dating this whole time?" Caitlyn groans. "Why didn't you say anything?" "Well, um, actually..." "We're married." Viktor laughs. "And we did tell you. You just didn't listen." The gala goes dead silent. All whispers cease, and even the gossips go still. Did he just- there's no way he meant- he couldn't have possibly just said- "MARRIED?" Caitlyn screeches. "See, this is why we didn't tell you." Jayce snarks.

Unplanned Valentine's Day art because I cannot stop drawing them 🥰

[itsrlymine]

"i am gonna be so fr with y'all and give the tough love i wish i got at the beginning bc you literally have what you want as you read these words."

So everyone read this on your profile and still decided to bitch out on you in anons because they're losers in their own reality?? You literally told them how this blog is and they still read it, asked a dumb question, and then got upset. for all the people who are offended by ur posts, YOU ARENT ENTITLED!! THIS IS A LITERAL STRANGER DECIDING TO HELP YOU DON'T GET PISSED OFF WHEN THEY DO IT THE WAY THEY WANT! SHES NOT A PERSONAL COACH AND DOESNT NEED TO ACT A CERTAIN WAY TO YOUR LIKING!

I saw a stupid ass post that was like "Omg these bloggers saying they're giving "tough love" (we all know whos they talking ab) are just assholes because these people are people who are scared to manifest" So your telling me you're too scared to fucking ASSUME? bitch gtfo my face. "Oh god I need someone to sugarcoat everything about manifesting because I'm too scared to assume I have a fat ass"

Do you people realize how ridiculous that sounds? Anyways girl lmfao some of these anons aint shit. The loass community has gotten so fucking weird and toxic like and ur the only real one out there nowadays. urghh it makes my head hurt fr...

I don’t even know like😭😭 Reading is seriously essential. I wouldn’t say they are losers but they are definitely giving their power away when it’s not necessary. Like at all. Even though I’ve definitely called them losers before.

I don’t really care about how long it takes people to get what they want. Imagine getting mad bc im telling people they can just decide you have something instead of deciding to do a technique as a way like bro. Manifestation happens when you are aware of whatever you want being yours.

You can DECIDE manifestation is easy for you and it will be. You can DECIDE manifesting doesn’t take long and it won’t. You can DECIDE you have it now and you will!!

But if you don’t know who you are as consciousness, ofc you are gonna look to methods and anything outside of you to tell you it’s okay to have what you want. Reality is a mirror, not a remote control. You don’t have to press a button a thousand times to get one thing. You just change the channel once it’s done and boom, you’re seeing something new.

I don’t know. I guess it easier to spend time in the end of deciding whether or not you can get something than just having it😭😭😭

[harmless-variety-of-garden-snake]

Tommy's introduced as a bigot in season 2 and often shown taking initiative in starting the bullying of Hen and Chim vs. waiting for Gerrard to do something and just not standing up for them. There's even a scene in "Chimney Begins" where no one else is even in the room to overhear and Tommy still chooses to be nasty to Chimney instead of a bare minimum of civil. Even after the "resolution" of the episode and his 'apology' (not for racism, but for making Chim prove himself at work), he's still shown to have spent years not learning his lesson, becuase he goes back to the same behaviors with Hen and Chimnney even mentions that "the Asian guy" still isn't invited out by the team for drinks or BBQ.

Then when it's "addressed" in season 7, we see remarkably little growth from Tommy, where he's blaming "the environment" and Gerrard for his choices and actions as a grown man. And in season 8, we get a healthy dose of misogyny in ageism with how he speaks of Abby, while casually acknowledging he also screwed up her life.

It's not just that he was afraid to stand up against bigotry in the face of an evil boss. He could've taken Eli's route, and just be silent. But no, Tommy is someone who chose to actively participate in workplace bigotry and bullying, and then almost 20 years removed, shrugs it off as everyone else's fault.

let’s not forget his very recent comments about Abby that were reeking of misogyny. Talking about her dating some “himbo” younger than her (as if he wasn’t actively doing the same thing) and admitting he was lying the whole relationship (not just about his sexuality).

Word for word that man said, “Heard she went a little nuts after that” as if her entire world wasn’t flipped upside down with her engagement ending and having to take care of her sick mother. The only tiny bit of understanding he showed was him saying she deserved better, which duh. 

One time when I was five I put a bead in my nose and it went all the way up to the bridge and I had to push down on it from the top until I could get it out because I was scared it would go to my brain and kill me.

That has nothing to do with any of what you said, but I just thought I'd put that out there because you're doing some dumb shit and I wanted you to know we've all done dumb shit. This is a safe space.

Anyway, I don't think you've ever been a closeted queer person who's said and done some at times questionable or outright fucked up things to keep yourself safe from scrutiny.* I grew up seeing people like me getting murdered and heard people explain why it would've been avoidable if they hadn't been so obvious or if they'd just chosen to be normal. I also grew up with a lot of bullies who were only bullying me because it put them in the protected group. It kept them from having people look at whether or not they were actually a good target for bullying. I'm actually friends with a couple of those people now. Not close, but we're cordial and we'll talk when we bump into each other at the store. That has more to do with us being in our thirties and living our own lives. There's a couple who had no excuse whatsoever other than being actual homophobes, I don't talk to them.

I dated in high school, I was engaged but I was 18 so I don't know how much that counts, but then I came out when I was in my early twenties. I knew I wasn't actually interested the entire time I was with those people, either. At first I just thought the relationship wasn't right for me, then I started to realize what was actually going on. I still dated, I still asked someone to marry me because I thought I could be happy with them. I did love and care about them, just not the way you should if you're going to marry them. I also didn't tell anyone I was non-binary until two months ago, even though I figured it out about fifteen years ago. A trans person hiding their identity to protect themselves from danger or rejection is nothing new, but it's kind of a shitty feeling to know you've been lying to every ex you've ever had about something like that. I don't like that feeling, and it's going to take a while for me to shake that. I don't know that I ever will.

So all of that is to say that a character like Tommy is actually kind of important to those of us who also weren't perfect at being queer, especially those of us who grew up during a specific time. I was actually pleasantly surprised that a basic network show would have someone like that, but times they are a-changing. So onto your last point:

Abby Clark is played by a now 57 year old Connie Britton (drop the skincare routine, girl), Lou Ferrigno Jr is 40, and Oliver Stark is 33. When you're an actual grown person, a seven or eight year age difference is kind of nothing. One of you might be a little more ready for things like kids or marriage, but that's not a guarantee. But hearing that your ex started dating a 26 year old when she's about 50, whether or not he knows that she actually pulled Buck's info in a very questionable way (I love that no one going after Tommy ever seems to care about the massive ethical breach from Abby), is kind of...wild. And he presumably heard about this from a mutual friend of some kind, who likely gave him this information colored by their own perception of the situation. This is where critical thinking skills become important. Based on context clues, I can safely guess that Tommy asked someone how Abby was doing or ran into someone who knows her, too, and they said "Hey, did you hear about Abby's new guy?" Otherwise he would've said "I saw that she was dating...." or "She told me she was dating..." So this could've been secondhand bitchiness, it could've been that her behavior was being framed as extremely not okay by someone they knew. We'll never know, the show doesn't have the strongest writing all the time. I'm not touching the thing about her mother, because a very close family member of mine has Alzheimer's, a good friend just lost a parent to it, and I do not want to examine the behavior of a person who's dealing with that or that of the people in their lives.

Could he have said "But I get it, she would've been going through a lot because of her mom and then our breakup"? Yeah. Would it have been nice if they wrote any scenes between Tommy, Hen, and Chimney that bridged the gap between when they weren't close and when they actually celebrated him and his accomplishments when he left the 118 to show why he would be someone Chimney would call on in two major emergencies? Yeah. I think I would've liked to see them talk things out onscreen and to show any apologies. Mostly because it would keep people from dropping an essay in my ask box when I feel like my sinuses and temples are filled with hot needles. I don't actually need to see it other than liking the three of them together, because I figured that they would've shown some hesitation before Chimney would reach out to him or he would've pulled Buck aside to warn him to be careful with Tommy. Or Hen and Karen wouldn't have been so thrilled when they realized what had gone down before Buck and Tommy came into the hospital room. There's a lot of stuff they don't show on this show, but they'd at least make a point to do or not do certain things if a character hated or disliked a character.

*I believe a certain dispatcher even did a whole big speech about this on the very show you apparently watch. I didn't like the Glee part, because I don't like Glee after season one. But the rest of it was good.

[cherrycheolkat]

• no blueberries, feat. mingyu, pt. 1 •

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁

pairing: kim mingyu x f!reader x christian yu (dpr ian - i use 'ian' - you'll see in part ii)

word count: 4.1K

genre: fake dating, college au, college student!mingyu, college student!reader, fluff, f2l, idiots, idiots in love, angst, pining, denial of feelings, exes to lovers, study abroad, established open relationship (reader x ian), rivalry (low key)

summary: mingyu was just your lab partner and study buddy for several semesters, but lately things seem to have changed, and maybe everyone else has noticed, but for the most part, neither of you even think about what you are to one another until mingyu asks you to be his 'fake' date for a long weekend trip so he can avoid an ex, the biggest problem is realizing that there's nothing fake about your relationship but when mingyu won't even talk about what you are to each other, you start to think things might be over before they even really start

warnings: explicit language, mentions of anxiety, sexually suggestive situations, drinking, established open relationship

a/n: they are literally idiots in love but they're so dumb they almost don't deserve a happy ending - i am screaming at them ;-; ooof writing part ii...and well, i need to update this with additional characters and genres...oops (if you don't know - i am not a planning writing - i just go where the characters take me - they get their shit together - trust the process) besides it's named for a dpr ian song anyway, might as well include him for his dilf status and the accent

xx kat

[part ii - in progress]

♡ if you would like to be tagged in my upcoming posts, go [here]

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁

“please, y/n,” he was definitely begging now. 

she rolled her eyes, “dude, she’s your ex - you’re over her, just go and be normal, okay?” she was a bit annoyed at this point because he was over her, wasn't he, she wondered.

he whined softly, “seriously, just come with me, pretend you’re into me for like four days - i can’t deal with her, you know, alone,” she watched him stare at his textbook, looking fully embarrassed. 

she blinked quickly wondering how she was the friend being enlisted for this - to her they were mainly lab partners and study buddies. she had no clue how he had decided they were close enough to even bring this idea up. but she did feel bad. even as lab partners, she knew his ex was genuinely horrible, as in her entire personality was “gaslight, gate keep, girl boss” - as though those were positive things no less. 

she sighed, “i thought it was kind of a couples thing? since almost everyone is part of a couple,” she trailed off. 

he nodded, “yeah, it is, but she’s going alone - she told someone her whole goal is to fuck me one more time,” he mumbled the last part, blushing hard, “apparently, she ‘misses’ that,” he rolled his eyes, looking miserable. 

even she was shocked to hear that. it was certainly a new low. 

“that’s - that’s really shitty,” she sighed, not knowing what else to say. 

she watched him nod, still staring at his textbook, thumbing the edges of the page. she bit her lip gently, “can i think about it for a bit?”

he nodded, glancing up at her. she couldn’t help but notice how glossy his eyes looked - she worried he was on the verge of crying. she wasn’t equipped to deal with a crying mingyu. happy? sure. drunk? yes. whiny and ridiculous? no problem. 

but to see him on the verge of tearing up because he was worried or stressed or whatever, that was beyond her friendship scope. but to be fair, fake dating probably was too. even if she knew some people did mistake them for a couple. that really wasn’t the point.

the point was the longer they sat there fake studying, she knew what she was going to do. she couldn’t sit back while he went off to a terrible trip to the lake where he might be the target of his ex’s sexcapades. she knew he hadn’t dated since her, which would just be a point againts him - she could easily imagine, ‘oh baby, you haven’t even tried since me?’ - gross, she thought. besides, if he were gone for the break, she wasn’t really sure what she would do anyway. 

the standard was for them to study friday afternoon, and then they would usually met up at a party or something and would duck out for food when either of them got bored and go back to y/n's to watch tv and pass out. saturday was fairly similar, but sunday was more like study, and then they kind of always ordered food and watched tv or something. sometimes he slept on the couch - something her roommate would roll her eyes at whenever possible, espeically since ‘sometimes’ seemed to translate to almost every sunday. 

she had finally told him to just bring clothes so he would't be late for monday morning practices anymore. her roommate had wondered loudly why mingyu didn't just move into y/n's room and get a tiny corner of the closet already. she had ignored that unnecessary commentary. 

she groaned inwardly, “okay, fine - i’ll go with you, but you owe me,” you whispered. 

he glanced up, “really?”

she ignored that he sounded a little too happy and nodded, “yes, if it means you can avoid her insanity for the long weekend,” she tried to feel confident about the decision. 

luckily, she knew there was nothing between them. they’re only lab partners and maybe friends, at best, she tried to assure herself and ignore every other thought she had. 

⋆˙⟡

she truly hated packing for anything, and this trip was no exception. the only slight difference was mingyu hanging out on her bed while she packed this time. she wasn’t sure if he was nervous or what, but he kept shifting around on her bed - it reminded her of a puppy rolling around in the hope that someone would rub its stomach. she tried not to laugh at the mental image of him rolling around in search of belly rubs. instead, she tried to focus on what to pack. 

it was still warm enough to go swimming, despite the fact that it was ‘fall’ break, so she tried to decide on swimsuits. ultimately, she just packed them all - they were basically underwear anyway, she reasoned. 

“are we sharing a room?”

“yeah, you know, since we’re together and ‘finally admitting it’ - is that really what jeonghan said?” he asked. he had been annoyed about that response for at least two hours. 

“i literally showed you his text,” she mumbled as she hunted for friends-who-are-fake-dating appropriate sleepwear, aka her most oversized tshirts, sleep shorts that were as un-sexy as possible, and a few sweatshirts in case it was cold.

he sighed, “okay, but that’s such a flippant answer,” he complained. 

she snorted, “‘flippant’?”

“yes!”

she grinned, wondering when he started using words like ‘flippant’ in normal conversations. mingyu was one of those guys who she hadn’t taken seriously when she first met him - he was fun at parties, but when he wanted to study together, she had been seriously skeptical. but then she saw their first exam grades post and realized how well he had ranked. she had wondered if it was just his personality or if he actively worked to hide the fact that he was that smart. 

it hadn’t really mattered though since they had been studying together since then. something she distinctly remembered being an issue for his ex - katie had genuinely hated y/n and wasn’t quiet about it. it was maybe the only time she had seen mingyu fully lose his mind over something - she had never heard the words ‘get fucked’ said quiet so intensely, especially since that they were sitting in the library at the time. 

she sighed, “don’t you think it might be a little obvious for us to show up together?”

“not really - she always said we had some weird thing, so why not let her be right,” his voice was concerningly normal. 

she had been thinking about the fact that it was kind of a petty move. actually, there were loads of reasons she could think of for not going, including almost every scenario from a horror movie - she was not discounting serial killers in masks waiting in the woods. but her main concern was being confronted by katie - it just felt like a needlessly stressful way to spend her fall break.

“okay, but i mean, you couldn’t think of anyone else?"

he sighed, “like who? i hang out with you, i go out with you - you make sense,” his voice was soft, but he still sounded just a little disappointed that she was asking him…again. 

she rolled her eyes, “we could just hang out like normal and avoid this.”

she glanced at him, watching him mull over what she had said and not for the first time either. to be fair, her anxiety was only growing. she left him to go pretend to be discerning about how much of her skincare she was packing, even though she was blindly grabbing everything from her counter. when she walked back into her room, he was sitting up.

“even if she’s there, the trip is just to have fun and not be on campus - you know, a break at joshua’s nice lake house,” he didn’t look at her as he explained. 

she stared for a moment and turned back to her already exploding suitcase, “you only asked me because of her,” she felt like it was very obvious why she was going, but she heard him mumble something, which she ignored. instead, she violently jammed her clothes and toiletries into her bag. 

she absolutely hated that knowing katie would be there made her feel a tiny bit competitive - she had purposefully picked all of her smallest swimsuits - she had even gone to get waxed for this, something she definitely would never admit to anyone. she had even dragged out her status luggage bag - the one her step-mom had given her two christmases ago that made her cringe. there was also the little, tiny mean voice in the back of her mind that had always thought katie had never been good enough for mingyu anyway - she wasn’t especially cute, and her voice drove y/n up the walls - not to mention she was kind of dumb and objectively sucked at beer pong. y/n would also never admit that she used to play them on purpose just to beat them because she was good at beer pong. 

she jumped when mingyu touched her arm, “fuck, what?” 

she hadn’t even noticed that he was lying on his side, watching her jam everything into her bag.

“you don’t have to go,” he whispered. 

she swooped all of her hair off her shoulders in annoyance, mostly because there was something about the way he whispered, with this weird tenderness, that made her feel way too quivery. it wasn’t fair because she knew she never affected him like that. she just shook her head. she was totally fine with everything. plus, she didn’t believe him for a moment that she could just stay. she knew in her gut that she had moved something in their friendship past a boundary that she hadn’t even noticed, and now, she couldn’t just take it back without suffering the consequences. 

⋆˙⟡

she was glad she was driving. she could at least focus on the road, plus they were the ones tasked with stopping at the liquor store, so she only had to deal with mingyu and seungcheol - she only wondered briefly why no one cared that seungcheol was solo for the long weekend. actually, it only annoyed her slightly that mingyu had left that fact out - she knew he could have spent the entire break with seungcheol, no problem, which only made her wonder why he really asked her. worse was her wondering why it seemed to matter that mingyu sounded disappointed at the idea of her not going, accepting but unhappy - not like he had been when she said ‘yes’. 

she walked through the store, mainly looking for the things she wanted. her ideal party weekend was starting her day off with something bubbly and moving on to liquor by lunch. she wasn’t really paying attention to the cases of beer, tequila, and vodka mingyu and seungcheol were collecting. instead, she was in line to pay for her stuff and some edible gummy candies she noticed last minute - she grabbed several of those. she could’ve kicked herself for not asking her roommate’s girlfriend for some weed before she left. she waited next to her car for them to come out, answering a few texts. she ignored the ones from mingyu. she couldn’t help that she was from a family of people who completely avoided their emotions, plus she could see the message preview - it wasn’t anything life-changing. 

when they came out, she wasn’t super shocked by the very full cart or the fact that they practically filled the back of her suv - they had to move their bags into the seat with seungcheol. it was like half the soccer team, their girlfriends, and friends for five nights, after all. the team wasn’t known for holding back at any of their parties - the rule was ‘no empties.’ she could only hope that the people getting food were grabbing enough to balance everything out. 

the rest of the drive was uneventful. it was pretty though - even if it still looked like summer and not a bit like fall. 

the house was a massive hunk of glass overlooking the lake. everything was very modern and sleek inside. she had been imagining something a little more cozy, less brutal. but that didn’t really matter, especially when they started divvying up the rooms - she and mingyu had a room that shared a bathroom with seungcheol’s room. and it hit her immediatly, mingyu was staying in seungcheol’s room. she wasn’t sure why it annoyed her, but it did, especially when she planned to be sharing a room with him. 

she starfished out on the bed - her bed - and decided she would probably go home the next day. there was literally no reason for her to be here, and there probably never had been. also, sharing the bathroom with two whole ass guys just sounded miserable. she sat up after a few moments of moping, remembering the edibles she had - she ate three and dropped back onto the bed. she wasn’t planning on coming out of her room. mingyu could get fucked, she decided. 

it was seungcheol who was leaning over when she woke up with a yelp, “what the fuck?” her heart was pounding. 

he laughed, “sorry, mingyu wondered if you were okay, so i came to check,” he raised an eyebrow, “you seem alive, though,” he concluded.

she rolled her eyes, “thanks for the astute diagnosis, dr. choi,” she murmured and fell back onto the bed.

he laughed, “seriously though, you good?”

she exhaled loudly, “is he like standing in the bathroom or something?”

seungcheol shook his head.

“liar,” she groaned and rolled over, “i’m going home in the morning, so he can stop feeling whatever way he’s feeling.”

seungcheol looked surprised, “you’re just heading back? isn’t this like the first time you’ve like been somewhere together?”

she shrugged, “and?” your annoyance was definitely coming through, loud and clear.

seungcheol nodded, “right, you two have weird vibes, but look, i need him out of my room - my date is here, and i actually want to spend time with her.”

she could only roll her eyes, “so four people and one bathroom - this is only getting better,” she sighed, “i should just go home now.”

seungcheol shrugged, “whatever, just say it’s okay for him to come in here, so he stops whining in my room - it’s seriously killing my mood.”

“okay, whatever, i don’t care.” 

this was truly going downhill as far as she was concerned. and why would mingyu be whining to seungcheol anyway, she wondered. she heard him come into the room, but she didn’t move. even when he sat on the bed, she stayed still. 

“are you really leaving?”

she pressed her lips together, thinking, “probably not, but seriously, why did you even ask me?” 

she had maybe run out of whatever annoyance she had felt before at being woken up out of nowhere, plus her edibles were wearing off. she sat up so she was next to him, “just tell me what this is - like i’m a buffer, right? but you didn’t tell anyone that i was just coming along, you told them we’re dating, and that comes with like expectations,” she trailed off. 

“since when do you care about expectations?”

she wondered if smacking him would be too strong of a reaction. 

this was all such a bad idea. she was going to have a shit weekend and probably lose her friend in the process. 

⋆˙⟡

the rest of the night was uneventful, with everyone filtering in and no one eating at the same time. she grabbed food and something to drink and mostly avoided conversation, especially if it had to do with her and mingyu. 

she also decided if she pretended this was like a retreat, she could just focus on swimming and hiking since, according to her phone, there were some great trails around. and obeying her fake retreat rules, she grabbed some extra water and headed to bed early - she needed to sleep if she was going to go for a sunrise swim. she was glad that she brought a sleep mask and ear plugs.

her only problem was mingyu’s texts. he hadn’t answered her question about why he asked her or explained why he went nuclear and told everyone they were dating. she had thoughts on what was going on, but she was as bad as he was. even lying in bed, in her not sexy at all clothes, her brain was in overdrive thinking about him in ways she didn’t want to be, especially since her phone kept going off. she knew he was thinking about her, even if it was this pretend, fake way - it didn’t matter. she pulled her pillow over her head to try to drown out the telltale buzzing. she refused to check her phone. 

even when she finally heard the sounds of people going to bed. she cringed at the idea of seungcheol fucking. her gut reaction was that man would be loud. 

she heard the footsteps outside their door, “come on mingyu - baby, just come to my room - you know you want to,” she sat up, knowing the voice immediately. 

“no, i told you i’m not” — she heard the sudden wet sounds of a kiss.

“fuck, katie, stop - what are you not hearing?” she could hear the edge in his voice. 

she sighed, she was technically there to help him avoid this kind of thing. she got out of bed and pulled off her sleep shorts, so she was clearly down to just her panties and tshirt, and tossed her sleep mask. 

she walked to the door and opened it slowly, “gyu?” she made sure sleep was thick in her voice, as she pouted up at him adn tugged his shirt sleeve, “come to bed,” she whispered, biting her lower lip gently. 

she didn’t even look at katie, just him.

he looked at her, “hey, baby,” he didn’t miss a beat, pulling away from katie as fast as he could and walking into their room after her, closing and locking the door. 

she walked back over to the bed and flopped back onto the soft mattress, “helpful enough?” she asked. 

the low light from outside was enough for her to see him nod, “sorry we woke you up,” his voice was soft. 

she shook her head, “it’s fine, just come to bed - i want to swim in the morning,” she was already happily back under the duvet. 

he was gone long enough for her to doze, but she opened her eyes when she heard him, “do you literally mean come to bed?”

she turned over and threw the covers back and patted the spot next to her. he still looked uncertain. she sighed and moved so she was on her knees - she grabbed his hand, “how much more of an invitation do you need?”

“you didn’t even check my messages,” his voice was so small - he sounded hurt. 

she tried to find some answer in the way he was looking at her. but there was nothing besides the fact that she had hurt his feelings. ignoring him was the only thing she knew genuinely drove him nuts - he had told her when they were strictly lab partners how much he hated it - how much it annoyed him. she rarely ignored him. but she had tonight, mainly because her own thoughts were kind of fucked, seeing his stream of conciousness texts would have made it worse.

“so let me apologize,” she whispered, pulling his hand gently - it wasn’t lost on her that he was just in his underwear. 

he let her pull him into bed, and she straddled him, reaching down to smooth his hair back from his face, “what hurts, baby?” 

he touched his lips - she nodded, leaning down to kiss him softly. she held his jaw gently and kissed him slowly. she moaned faintly when she felt his hands ghost along her lower back and under her shirt. his hands were so warm, she shivered. she deepened their kiss, tracing her fingers through his hair as she did, loving how soft his hair was. they stayed that way, making out like it was the only thing in the world that mattered. even when she felt one of his hands slide down over the curve of her ass to trace his fingers under the hem of her panties, she didn’t break the kiss. she wasn’t worried about where his hands might wander. there were only so many things he could touch. 

when she finally pulled away to breathe, she still played with his hair, “so, tell me what we’re doing, mingyu - so we both know, please.”

she could feel his hands on the backs of her thighs - he squeezed her thighs lightly, “what we do every weekend, y/n,” his voice was low.

she bit her lip softly, thinking about the weekend before, letting all her memories bubble to the top. her favorite part was the way he had held her back against his chest, leaning down to kiss her while he fucked her from below. 

she shook her head gently, “just say it - tell me the way you told everyone else,” she murmured. 

she waited for anything besides silence before sitting up and shaking her head. she moved to her side of the bed. she didn’t understand how they had gone so fluidly from one thing to another without really talking about it at all. but then again, that was maybe exactly how it happened - they hadn’t called it anything - it was just what they did. and she hadn’t cared about what it was anymore than he had until he brought it up - until he told people what they were. but somehow, that was the fake part - actually calling it a relationship wasn’t real, even though they had clearly been more than friends or anything else for months. 

⋆˙⟡

she went to sleep purely for spite. and when she woke up with her alarm, she slipped out of bed, grabbed her swimsuit and went to change. it was when she walked out of the bathroom and by the bed that she felt him grab her hand gently, “are you really going out?”

she nodded, “yeah, why shouldn’t i do the stuff i want?”

“i didn’t say you shouldn’t,” he let go of her, sighing as he shifted around under the duvet. 

she didn’t repsond, instead, she just grabbed her stuff and went quietly through the house and out the back. she walked along the dock, pausing at the end for a moment before jumping into the cool waters. even when she surfaced, she couldn’t get him out of her mind. she floated, thinking about the fact that whatever they were was only nameless when they were alone. she laughed to herself. 

she got out when she started to feel chilly. she dried off and walked back to the house. she poked around the kitchen to find something for breakfast and some ice - she had kept her own drinks in their room, knowing they would be gone otherwise. 

she went back to their room, bypassing the bed in favor of going onto the balcony they had. she hadn’t looked at it the night before. she only went back in to grab a bottle of champagne. she popped the cork, not really caring that it wasn’t chilled yet. she sipped it before sticking the bottle in the ice she had gotten. she ate fruit and some leftover steak she had found in the fridge. she scrolled through her socials. 

a few of her friends had messaged to ask if she were really dating mingyu - her blanket response was easy, ‘no.’ 

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁

a/n: told you they are dumb af...trust the process, yes they're about to be messy af...but i only write happy endings

♡ kat

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁

tag list: @syluslittlecrows

if you want to be tagged, go [here] my [master list] if you want to read more

[hrizantemy]

You know what‘s cackling me?

Someone who thinks Nesta and Gwyn are shit friends to Emerie legit said that FEYRE and Emerie would be far better friends as they supposedly have so much in common when it comes to their abuse…

You mean- the high lady that cosplays as Emerie‘s race to have sex in the sky and does absolutely jack shit for the Illyrians, Illyrian women specifically? Never expressed any desires to help them, only talking shit about her race while living in her rich mansions? Don’t make me laugh.

Feyre would eliminate Emerie‘s people in a second if she was to choose between Illyria and Velaris and she‘d do it without any remorse. Just like she had no remorse for the civilians in the spring court because her petty revenge against one person was far more important than the civilians that got slaughtered by Hybern soldiers.

Feyre is mated to the little shit that does absolutely nothing for the Illyrians except trying to draft Illyrian women in his military for wars no one wants to fight in anyway. Where‘s the charity for the Illyrian women? What about the health system? Education? Why do Illyrians live in fucking tents for centuries under Rhys‘s rule? Why not enforcing laws to protect the women instead of just throwing your hands up like „I tried“ and then going about your day? Wing clipping is forbidden, yet you don’t fucking suffer any consequences if still practiced. Where‘s the order?

What has Feyre done for Emerie and her people? What makes them great friends exactly? Because what I imagine is Feyre saying „Aye look at this“, shapeshifts to an Illyrian then flex-flying, looking down at Emerie who can’t fly. Again, this is the same lady that was content to shove the spring court people to their doom (the people she befriended in the first book) for revenge against their high lord.

Emerie would and SHOULD hate Feyre. I’m so tired of the IC boot lickers. That cult is NUTS.

And let’s really break this down—what do Feyre and Emerie actually have in common? Because it sure as hell isn’t shared struggle. Feyre’s “hardships” ended the second she became High Lady, living in her cushy palace with infinite wealth, a doting mate, and an entire court ready to worship her every breath.

Emerie? She’s still fighting for survival. She’s still dealing with the oppression of Illyria, still facing discrimination, still struggling to run her shop while men who see her as lesser try to take everything from her. Feyre would never understand that, and more importantly, she wouldn’t care. Because if she did, she would’ve used her power and influence to do literally anything about it.

And let’s not forget—Emerie is the exact kind of person Feyre and the IC love to ignore.

• She’s an Illyrian woman, the very people Rhysand has left to suffer under a corrupt and brutal system.

• She has no political power, no magic, no benefit to the IC’s inner circle.

• She wasn’t “chosen” by them, and unless it personally benefits them, the IC doesn’t care about people who aren’t in their handpicked Velaris elite.

Like, be serious. What would their “friendship” even look like? Feyre visiting Illyria for five minutes, taking a sad, aesthetic look at the struggling Illyrian women, then going back to her mansion for a wine night, patting herself on the back for caring? Because that’s exactly what she does—acted shocked that Illyria was still awful (as if Rhys hadn’t been ruling for centuries), and then promptly did nothing about it.

And the fact that these people have the audacity to say Nesta and Gwyn are bad friends to Emerie??? Nesta, who trained with Emerie every day, pushed her to believe in herself, and fought alongside her in the Blood Rite? Gwyn, who became family to her, who stood by her side as they all carved out a place where they belonged? Those two are “bad” for Emerie, but Feyre—who has done jack shit for her or her people—would be better? Make it make sense.

Emerie is not some token Illyrian for the IC to collect when it’s convenient. She’s her own person, and she deserves friends who actually see her, who understand her struggles, and who give a damn about Illyria beyond surface-level pity. And that sure as hell isn’t Feyre.

And let’s talk more about the Illyrians—because the way they’re treated in the Night Court is actually disgusting. They are the backbone of Rhysand’s power. His armies? Illyrians. His most trusted warriors? Illyrians. The people he constantly throws into war so he can keep his cushy rule in Velaris? Illyrians.

Yet how does the Night Court treat them?

• They live in tents while Rhys and the IC hoard wealth in palaces.

• They are expected to die for a court that does nothing for them.

• Their women are still abused, clipped, and treated as less than nothing.

• Their “High Lord” gives them zero resources, education, or healthcare, but still demands their loyalty.

And when Illyrian men inevitably rebel or make desperate choices? Rhysand just slaughters them. The same way he did after Amarantha, the same way he did with the rebels. No trials, no attempts to reform, just immediate execution.

And let’s not forget—Rhysand only ever acknowledges Illyria when it’s convenient for him.

• When he needs soldiers? He’s the great Illyrian warrior High Lord.

• When he needs Cassian and Azriel to enforce his will? He embraces his Illyrian side.

• But when Illyrians actually need help? Suddenly, he’s not Illyrian anymore—he’s above them. Suddenly, they’re just brutes and problems he can’t fix.

And let’s be really clear—Illyrians are not just some side faction that Rhys and Feyre can exploit when it suits them and ignore when it doesn’t. They are a foundational part of the Night Court. They are the reason Rhysand has an army. They are the reason he can hold power. They are the reason Velaris has the luxury of being “untouched” by war, because it’s the Illyrians who are sent to die first.

[runningincircl3s]

Nothing Ever After

Noah Sebastian x Reader x Vinny Mauro

The End- Part Two

chapter warning: get the tissues x masterlist

we're finally here. it's the end! i feel like a proud parent and this is my child... but happy valentines day guys!! i spent most of the day adding the finishing touches to this and even though i'm still not completely happy with it i want to post it anyway!! i've also been getting really invested in the next thing i'm working on... which will be revealed on monday :) also for the final chapter i thought i'd share my playlist that i'd have on whilst writing

← Post •••

@/MotionlessInWhiteTea:

Why I think Y/n Y/l/n shouldn’t be working in the scene, a thread

Disclaimer: The majority of this is simply rumours, but there is also photo evidence. Personally I think she has been acting very unprofessionally during this tour and I haven’t seen anyone talk about it. So here’s what I have to say.

Your throat dried up, the world around you stopped moving, yet you felt dizzy. This wasn't real, was it?

1/7 First of all, she only got this job because of her connections to Bad Omens- being friends with Bryan. Not because of her skill level or because she’s a good photographer (debatable). I bet she hassled them until she got what she wanted

2/7 Now what I really want to talk about is her unprofessional relationships with the bands. There’s been a picture circulating of her kissing Vinny (miw) at what appeared to be a family party? His family’s party. Why was she even there? [insert picture]

3/7 But this isn’t all, look at the dress she’s wearing in that photo, and then this one [insert picture of you and Noah and the record label party] it’s the same dress. This means people can't say "maybe it was someone who looks like her?" No. it WAS HER

4/7 And even just LAST NIGHT, she was spotted with Noah at a concert, I’ve seen pictures, everyone’s seen the pictures. I’ve also been told by multiple people she was even seen kissing and making out with him towards the end of the show? WHAT THE HELL

5/7 She seems really close with Vinny, have you seen the way she lights up when she talks about him in the interview she did at the festival they played at? and she made excuses to talk about him? They’re always spending time together, and if you looked closely in the background of this picture Vinny posted on his story, he was in his hotel room but you can clearly see her stuff on the bed. I can only assume this means they’ve been sleeping together? [insert picture]

6/7 A lot of people have been speculating, saying she’s been seen leaving hotel rooms with Noah and Vinny on separate occasions, do they know about this? Or is she just the band’s shared groupie who happens to own a camera?

7/7 I really don’t think this is very professional and it needs addressing. She needs to sort this out before even considering a career in the scene- if she’ll have a career since this will forever be haunting her. And, I for one will not be listening to the bands who choose to support her!

You couldn't believe what you were reading.

Everything you had been hiding for weeks, months, was just out there. On the internet.

“Fuck, y/n have you seen this?” Ricky rushes over in a panic, showing you the same post, but you can’t say anything. You don't react.

You swallow hard, standing up from your chair in an attempt to leave, but that was made impossible.

“What’s going on?” Noah asks, rather concerned as comes up behind you, putting an arm around your shoulder.

He catches a glimpse of the picture of you kissing Vinny on Rick’s phone. You feel Noah’s body stiffen all of a sudden, and you turn to look up at him with tears in your eyes, you swallow back the lump in your throat as you shake your head. 

“Noah…” 

“No." He lets go of you. "Ricky, can I?” He nods to his phone, and Rick hands it over to Noah.

You stand there frozen as he scrolls through the post. You hear his breathing become heavier, rougher, the more he read. You could feel the anger, the betrayal, the disappointment almost radiating off of him.

In a desperate attempt, you reach out for him, stumbling over your words.

“I... I can explain…” You stuttered. 

“Oh, you can?” Noah raised his eyebrows, looking down at you with an expression you had never seen on him before, “What the fuck is there to explain?!”

“But…”

“No!” He shouted, and you could see his eyes fill with tears, “I knew it all along. I fucking knew it!" He scoffed, a humourless laugh falling from his lips, "You’ve been lying to me. For three goddamn months?! And this is how I find out?!"

There was nothing you could do, nothing you could say.

"And you had the fucking audacity to tell me you loved me last night? Was that just a lie too? Huh?”

“No!” You sobbed, covering your mouth with your hand, “I was going to tell V-”

“I don’t care. I don't fucking care! I trusted you. Y/n, I trusted you. You know exactly how my last relationship ended, and you still do this to me? If that isn’t the biggest fuck you then I don’t know what is.” 

“Can I please have a chance to explain-”

“No! Nothing you can do or say will fix the fact that you’ve been screwing him the entire time we’ve been together!”

“Hey,” Angela piped up, “The two of you were never actually together.”

“That’s not the point, and stay out of this, this is between us." Noah points at you, "You have told me time and time again that there was nothing going on between you and Vin, you were insisting you were just friends, but you were just lying straight to my face! The both of you! I was stupid enough to believe you because I loved you!” 

“Noah, I was scared!” You cry, “It wasn't meant to happen and then... I couldn't stop and... I was scared I’d lose you if you found out! I didn't want-” 

“So I wasn’t good enough for you?” He scoffed, throwing his head back in anger, running a shaky hand through his hair, “I wasn’t enough?”

“No! Noah, please, can we go somewhere else and talk about this?”

“No. You’ve said enough. You've done enough.” He said, shaking his head. You watch a stray tear roll down his cheek, and you feel your heart break into a million pieces. “We’re done, whatever we are, whatever you thought we were, it’s over. I’ve spent years protecting myself from this, because this isn’t the first time I’ve been lied to like this, and you know it. I can’t believe you.”

And with that, he took his keys and left. You wanted to chase him out, follow him and apologise, but your legs wouldn't take you, leaving you to cry your heart out in Angela’s arms. 

“What the fuck was that?” Ryan asked, as the others all stared.

"I think the party's over." Rick sighed, "We'll be lucky if the tour isn't over."

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

@/badomensofficial

We regret to announce that, due to personal circumstances within the band, we will not be performing for the last two nights of the Touring The End of The Concrete Jungle Tour. We are so sorry to be announcing this on the date of one of the shows, but this decision was incredibly difficult, but it is necessary for us to prioritise the well-being of our members at this time.

We deeply apologise to everyone who was looking forward to seeing us and appreciate your understanding and support. Motionless in White will be playing as scheduled, but we won't be there.

We’ll be back as soon as we can to make it up to you, but in the meantime we’re also working on our next record. We will see you again, friends. 

With love,

Nicholas, Jolly and Folio 

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

You stared at the post through swollen eyes, having been up most of the night crying again. After Noah left the party, he didn't answer his phone, he hasn’t replied to anybody’s texts, and nobody knew where he had gone. 

He was kind enough to dump your bags outside the venue, from the night before. You collected them as Shae drove you to the hotel after Rick called off the party.

You couldn’t believe what happened that night, the majority of it felt like a blur, you barely remember what the tweet said, but you had to sign out of all your accounts because the messages you were receiving weren’t the kindest, and you weren't in the best place to be reading them.

Your plans for the future, to move in with Noah, was seemingly thrown out of the window, you were so glad you didn’t tell Andy you were backing out.

You were back to square one again, wondering if this was really what you wanted. 

As you rolled over in your bed again to charge your phone, you hear a knock at your door. You didn’t want to answer it, you didn’t want to face anybody today. 

“Y/n! I know you’re awake!” It was Angela, “And I know this is your room!”

Sighing, you got out of bed and opened the door for her. 

“What’s up?” You asked as she carefully shut the door behind her. 

“What’s up is I just walked in on an old guy screwing his wife! I thought your room was on the fourth floor and the door was slightly open so-“

“Angela,” you frowned, “I know you came to check up on me, I’m okay. I just need some space.”

“Oh… That’s okay!” She smiled, “I wanted to check up on you, nobody's heard from you yesterday and you just left so suddenly that night, I had to fill Vinny in on what happened so expect a visit from him when he finally wakes up.”

“Great.” You frown, “Did the guys… Say anything?”

“What do you mean?” She asked. 

“Do they all hate me?” You felt your bottom lip quiver as you asked her, and her eyes softened as she pulled you in for a hug. 

“No! Of course not!” She reassured you, “All the Motionless guys are on your side, baby, you and Noah weren’t exclusive, therefore you were allowed to see other people. Bad Omens however… Jolly’s pretty pissed off, and Bryan.”

“Bry?”

“They don’t want to see their friend hurt.” She explains, stroking your hair, “They’ll come around eventually. The rest don’t really care, it’s none of their business anyway.”

“How’s Vin?” You ask.

“What do you mean?”

“Does he feel guilty too? He was in on it, he lied to Noah for me.”

“I think so- What’s that?” She asked, looking over at your phone on the nightstand.

“Bad Omens have pulled out.” You frown, “There’s only two nights left, I'm guessing Noah's gone off the rails or something.”

“Shit, really? I hope he’s okay, he was in quite a state.”

“I know, Ang. It keeps me up, he’s all I can think about…” You sigh, “I told him after the concert that I wanted us to really give it a go, I saw a future with him... I was going to tell Andy I couldn’t make the tour with them and-”

“Andy?” She furrowed her brows, “Andy as in…?”

“Andy from Black Veil.” You nodded, “When I went to the record label party with Noah and the guys I met him and he said he’s seen my work and wondered if I was available to come on tour with them in a few weeks.”

“What?” Her jaw dropped, “Does Vin know this?”

“No… I haven't had the chance to tell him yet.” You frown, “Why would it bother him?”

“Well…” She hesitated for a moment, “I think you should go and talk to him.”

“Why? What’s he said?”

“Nothing… I think he just…" She held her hands up in defeat, "I can’t, I promised I wouldn’t say anything.” 

You nodded your head, looking around the room for your hoodie. 

“Do you know what room he’s in?”

“216, him and Rick are sharing though which might be a problem.”

“I don’t care anymore, Ang, everything's out now, I’ve got nothing left to hide.”

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

You knocked on Vinny’s hotel door, staring down at your feet as you waited for him to open it. 

“What are you doing here?” Ricky asked, surprised to see you.

“Can I speak to Vinny?” You asked, clearing your throat. 

“He’s in the shower,” Ricky said, opening the door for you, “I’m about to go out and get a coffee, I guess you can sit and wait for him.” 

“You guess?” You smiled faintly.

Ricky smiled back before slipping his shoes on. 

“Just don’t fuck on my bed, please. It’s all I ask.” 

“That’s not what I’m here for...” You shake your head, “I just wanted to talk to him after the other night.” 

“Has anyone heard from Noah yet?”

“No,” you shake your head, “And if they did I’m sure they wouldn’t tell me. Not even Bryan’s talking to me at the moment.” 

“Shit,” Rick frowned, “Look, if it’s any consolation, we’re on your side. You had every right to have fun and mess about with other people if you and Noah weren’t anything serious, I get he’s pissed about the lying though.” 

“I know, I’m sorry.” 

“Hey, it’s not me you need to apologise to,” he chuckled, “See you later.” 

“Bye, Rick.” 

You sat in silence for a couple minutes, waiting until you heard the shower turn off. You thought of what you would say to Vinny, what even was there to say?

“Oh, hi,” he smiled as he walked out of the bathroom, one towel wrapped around his hips as he dried his curls with another, “How are you doing?”

“Not too good,” you sigh, “You?”

“I feel awful.” 

“I just keep thinking to myself… What if I just kept it all professional? Why couldn’t I have just controlled myself? Now I’ve lost... Everyone!” You sob. 

“You haven’t,” his voice softened, “You’ve still got the guys, Angela... Me. I’m not going anywhere.” 

“But Vinny…” You look up at him through teary eyes, and he could tell where this was going. 

He shook his head. 

“No. No, don’t do this.”

“I've been thinking-"

"Don't you fucking..."

"You deserve better, Vinny.” You swallow hard, fighting back tears, “I’m so sorry… For everything I’ve put you through. You didn’t deserve it. You’re a great guy, you’re probably my favourite person I’ve ever met, you mean the world to me Vin, but I put you through hell and for what?”

“And I knew what I was getting into, fuck I’m getting deja vu here,” he chuckled, trying to lighten the mood, but to no avail, “I couldn’t have just ignored you, y/n. Not when I fell in love with you the first time I ever saw you. It would've been impossible.” 

“What?” 

“Wasn’t it obvious?” He chuckled. 

“I… Vinny... you…?”

“Remember that first night, the party, when I spilled your drink? I saw you and that guy, I was watching you two from across the room, and when I saw him lean in to kiss you…”

“That’s when you knocked into me.” It was like pieces of a puzzle were finally coming together in your brain. 

“Everything could’ve been totally different if that never happened, I never knew it would end like this, and if I could go back in time I'd change it all. I’m sorry.” 

“No, don’t apologise.” 

“I should, though. It’s my fault this all happened in the first place, y/n.” He let out a bitter laugh. “I knew Noah was into you. We all did. But that didn’t stop me, did it?”

You watched him shake his head.

“I watched him fall for you, I saw him with you everyday” Vinny admitted, voice shaking. “And I let it happen anyway. Because I- I was selfish, I couldn’t stop myself. Even when I told myself I should. Even when I knew what it would do to him. I knew it would tear everything apart.” His voice cracked, his eyes welling with tears. “But I did it anyway. Because I wanted you. God, I wanted you.”

Tears slipped down your cheeks as you whispered

“But I was the one who kissed you first.”

Vinny’s lips parted slightly, but he said nothing.

“I knew how I felt about Noah,” you continued, voice shaking. “And yet, I still couldn’t wrap my head around what I felt for you, I still can't now! It's something I’ve never felt before. Something I don't understand. It was new and exciting, and I loved every moment I’d spend with you,” You exhaled a shuddering breath. “Vin, I love everything about you.”

You got up and Vinny took a step closer, but you shook your head, pressing a trembling hand to his chest.

“And that’s what makes this so fucking cruel.”

His brows furrowed. 

“Y/N…”

Tears blurred your vision as you looked at him, memorising every detail, his parted lips, his glossy eyes, the crease between his brows.

“I love you,” you choked out. “And yet I still let myself hurt you.”

Vinny shook his head, reaching out to grab your wrist. 

“No. No, you didn’t-”

“I did,” you sobbed. “I did. I ruined everything. And I can’t fix it, Vin. I can’t. I don’t deserve to…" Your eyes met his, before whispering, "I don’t deserve you.”

His grip on you tightened. 

“Don’t say that. Don’t fucking say that.”

Your chest ached with the weight of it all.

“Through everything, you were willing to stay by my side. Even when I had to push you away, you understood. No other man on this planet would’ve done that.” 

“It’s because I love you.” He said, almost pleading with you, “I realise now that I was willing to do whatever you wanted me to because I just wanted you to be happy. If that was with Noah, then I would’ve wished you two the best of luck. If you needed time, I was happy to wait. I would've waited as long as you needed, I just...”

“Vinny…” 

“No… I think I should give you your birthday gift now…”

You watched him dig through his suitcase before pulling out a small box. 

“I didn’t have time to wrap it or anything.” He apologised, handing it over to you as he quickly got dressed.

As you opened it, you felt your heart sink even further. 

It was a key. 

“Wh- What’s this for?” You ask, taking it out of the box. 

“It’s a key.”

“I can see that,” you laughed through your tears, “Where to?”

“My house.” He said, “This is going to sound so stupid to say out loud given everything that just happened, but I just assumed in the end you’d pick me over Noah. Just because… I thought if he really meant something to you then you’d drop me, but you never did. I’m sorry, it seems stupid now, but I was going to ask if after the tour finishes you’d maybe want to move in? I need a new roommate, and there’s nobody else I’d be able to live with besides you. And our photographer’s pretty much quit so I was going to suggest you join us full time.” 

“I can’t do this.” You say, shaking your head and heading for the door.

You still haven't told him.

“It’s not you Vin, I promise.”

Before you could go anywhere, he caught your wrist. 

“What do you mean?” His whole body went rigid.

“I’m so sorry, Vinny…” You forced yourself to swallow past the lump in your throat. “I- I’m going back on the road… with Black Veil Brides. In three weeks.”

His face fell.

His grip on your wrist slackened, and you could feel the moment his heart shattered.

“…You’re what?”

“I didn’t get a chance to tell you, Vin, I’m so sorry.” Your voice cracked. “I’m so, so sorry.”

You reached for him, desperate, but he took a slow step back, shaking his head.

For the first time since you’d met him, Vinny truly had nothing to say.

And somehow, that hurt more than anything.

“Vin?”

“How long have you known this?”

“...About a month.”

“And you didn’t think to tell me? Not once did it cross your mind?” He spat.

“I didn’t think it would matter.”

Vinny shook his head. 

“What happened to wishing me the best?” You raised an eyebrow, your voice quieter now, “This is my dream, Vinny. I’m sorry I didn’t consider you in it.” 

“No.” Vinny swallowed, nodding his head, “I’m sorry. I’m happy for you, it’s just a bit of a shock, that’s all. I’m so happy for you… I just wished you would’ve told me.” 

You smiled faintly. 

“I should’ve. I'm sorry.” You said, before reaching out for his hand. “You’re too good to me, Vinny. You've but nothing but good to me. Maybe in another life, another time, things would’ve been different. Maybe we would’ve met earlier, found each other sooner. Things would’ve been less complicated, I would’ve been able to give you my all.”

“W-We can still try.” Vinny offered, but you shook your head. 

“I think I need to clear my head first, Vin. It’s been nothing but chaos for the last three months, I need to clear my name and focus on my career and make that my main priority before anything else.”

“I’ll always be here for you, y/n.” He said, rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb, you could tell this was a front, and he was holding back on his real emotions, “Whether it’s just as your friend, or more, I’ll always be here.” 

“Thank you.” You smiled, your voice breaking as he pulled you in for a hug. “Really, Vinny. Thank you.” 

The two of you pulled away, and you wiped the tears from your eyes. 

“So... Do you know what you're going to do about Noah?”

“Hm?”

“Are you going to try and fix things?”

“I want us to be on good terms, I want us all to be on good terms with each other. But I think it’ll take a while for him to come around. I hurt him really badly, I hurt both of you, and I understand that he needs space, it’s a lot for him to process.”

Vinny nodded his head. 

“Let things cool down first, that’s a good idea.” 

You stood there in front of him, a comfortable silence in the room. Until he he spoke again,

“Have you heard we’ve got a new song coming out?” Vinny asked, “I wrote it, or the majority of it.”

“No!” You raise an eyebrow, “What’s it called?” 

“I think we’ve decided on Nothing Ever After.” 

You furrow your eyebrows, but you don’t question it.

“Sounds cool, do you know when it's coming out?”

“At the end of the week, but we’re playing it tomorrow night for the first time… But there’s something I need you to know, and I don’t want to upset you at all.” 

“What is it?” 

“It’s kind of about us… About you.” 

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

After going back to your room, you booked a flight home for that night, despite Vinny's attempts to keep you.

You said your goodbyes to all the guys, Angela, and Vinny, they still didn’t want to let you go, but they understood your decision.

"We'll miss you." Chris smiled, pulling you in for a hug, "I know you weren't originally supposed to be our photographer, but you've really done a great job."

"Thanks, Chris." You smiled, afraid to say anything to anyone else. Especially Vin.

Ryan drove you to the airport, which you thanked him for. It was even tough to say goodbye to him, and the two of you didn't even spend that much time together.

As you walked through the airport you were almost waiting to see Noah, you wouldn’t admit it, but you were wishing he’d come running in, call your name and you'd go running into his arms.

But there was nobody. Nobody to stop you, nobody to tell you this wasn’t how it was supposed to end.

You checked in, went through security, and found yourself sitting at the gate, staring at the stupid pet rocks Vinny had given you.

Your fingers curled around the one painted like him, gripping it so tightly your knuckles turned white. You had no idea what you were doing. If this was the right choice. If you were running away again.

Maybe in another life, you would’ve stayed.

Maybe in another life, you would’ve picked Vinny from the start.

Maybe in another life, Noah would’ve fought for you.

But in this one, you knew you had to let them both go.

Once you were sat in your seat, preparing to switch your phone off and sleep on the way home, you received a text. 

Hey, y/n! Hope you’re doing well! I’m so sorry to have to do this, but our management said we can’t take you with us on our upcoming tour due to the recent news about your relationships with members of the bands you’ve been working with. I just need you to know, this isn’t a decision I’ve made, I was against this as I would’ve loved you to join us, but it’s out of my control. I’m so sorry, y/n, but I wish you the best.

Stay in touch. Andy 

You felt like you had been shot in the chest.

As if things couldn’t get any worse.  

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

“So, I was thinking… We should play the new song tomorrow. I know I said save it for the next tour but what do you think?” Vin asked as he wiped his arms down with a towel, trying to get off the remainder of his body paint before getting changed. “It’s the last night, let’s give ‘em something new.”

“I like your thinking.” Chris smiled, “But I also know what the true meaning behind this song is, even if you won’t admit it"

Vinny didn’t respond, just kept scrubbing at the black paint on his forearms.

"Are you sure you’re ready to put this out whilst everything’s still so raw?”

Vinny let out a slow exhale and shrugged.

“I don’t care, to be totally honest.” He finally met Chris’ gaze in the mirror. “Let them think what they want to think.”

Justin, who had been half-listening while scrolling on his phone, turned around.

“Wait. I know you helped write the song, but… is it really about her?”

Vinny tossed the towel into his laundry bag.

“Maybe.” He smirked, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Maybe not.”

Later that night, on the bus, he lied in his bunk with his phone in his hands, staring at your contact name.

He shouldn’t text you.

But he wanted to. Wanted to check if you got home safe. If you were okay. If you were happy, or as happy as you could be. He also wanted to give you a heads-up about tomorrow night. Maybe even ask for permission.

His fingers hovered over the keyboard before he finally gave in.

Hey, I hope you got home safe. Just know that while you’re sleeping happily in your own bed, I’m out here getting back pain from the bunks lmao.

We’re thinking about playing that new song tomorrow night. Would it be okay?

You walked into your bedroom after brushing your teeth, settling under the covers before reaching for your phone on the nightstand. You saw you had two messages from Vinny.

You hesitated before typing back.

Surely, I should be the first to hear it.

Vinny stared at your reply. His thumb hovered over the screen.

Should he?

You were gone. And for all he knew, he might never see you again.

He sighed, then hit send.

[1 Video Attachment]

I know my singing isn’t the best, but I recorded this the other week. I’ve been writing lyrics ever since I first felt I was losing you to Noah, not that you were ever mine to lose. At first, it was just random lines, but then I remembered we had that track from Illenium. Chris hadn’t worked on lyrics for it yet, so I showed him what I had. He loved it. So with his help, we turned it into something real.

Please don’t get mad. I just needed to get it out of my head.

…

The next day, you still hadn’t opened the video. Or even replied.

You couldn’t.

It sat there in your messages, taunting you. Every time you picked up your phone, your eyes flickered to the notification, to his name. But your thumb always hesitated, hovered, then swiped away.

Instead, you went about your day, throwing yourself into anything that could possibly serve as a distraction. You practically begged your manager to take you back, pleaded for any opportunity. You needed something for the meantime as you had been in contact with a few bands, asking about work, but deep down you knew the truth. No one would call. No one would offer you work.

Not after everything.

The entire scene knew by now, for all the wrong reasons. You weren’t a photographer anymore, you were a fucking scandal, a lesson to be learned, a warning of what not to do.

By the time you got home, you felt hollow. The weight of exhaustion pressed down on you, but you didn’t sleep, how could you? You stared at your ceiling, phone clutched in your hand, Angela’s texts illuminating the dark room.

He’s not okay.

You stared at the message for a long time.

I’ve never seen him like this. He barely talked before the show. He’s throwing himself into playing like it’s the only thing keeping him standing. I want to help but I don't know how.

Your breath hitched.

You wanted to type something back, anything, but what could you even say? That it wasn’t your problem anymore? He should get over it?

That it was easier this way?

Lies. Every single one of them.

Angela’s next text sent a chill up your spine.

They’re about to go on.

Your heart lurched knowing that song was going to be played at this show and you still hadn't heard it.

Your fingers hovered over Vinny’s contact. You could ignore it. You should ignore it.

But you didn’t.

Instead, with a shaky breath, you tapped the message thread and pressed play.

Vinny was sat at a piano?

Your breath stuttered.

Since when did he play?

He didn’t look at the camera. His head was bowed, fingers ghosting over the keys. His voice was quiet, almost hesitant, but steady.

But his words hit you like a punch to the stomach.

If you fall, then I will too, into nothing ever after. Do we have to face the truth, or look away, neglect the wounds? All the warning signs we refused to see, like a hurricane that’s drowning me.

The breath left your lungs.

You clenched your jaw, curling your fingers into your palm. The phone shook slightly in your grip.

So we build it up just to tear it down But the pieces don’t fit now. We’re falling apart, we’re fading away Pretending the damage doesn’t matter.

It hurt.

Not because of his voice, but because of the truth in his words. And knowing he had written this.

You had both caused this.

You pressed the phone against your chest, squeezing your eyes shut. You couldn't listen to the rest.

You weren’t sure how long you sat there, how long you tried to swallow down the lump in your throat.

Then your screen lit up again.

Angela.

They just announced the new song.

You didn’t move.

Chris just said the title.

You didn’t need to read the next text.

You knew what it was called.

You knew exactly what it was called.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

On stage, the lights pulsed as the crowd roared and cheered.

Vinny sat behind his kit, head down, drumsticks clenched so tight his hands trembled.

We've been dreaming wide awake, feeding poison to each other. It's too hard to walk away, 'cause it's easier to suffer.

He should’ve done everything differently.

He should’ve fought harder. He should've tried harder.

But it was too late.

"Everybody fucking JUMP!" Chris shouted out to the crowd.

The floor of the venue shook. The crowd screamed, fists in the air, bodies moving to the music, completely unaware of the war raging inside the mind of the man behind the drums.

Vinny slammed into the drums like his life depended on it. Like if he just hit hard enough, he could beat the pain out of his own chest. Hit after hit, faster, louder, pouring every ounce of frustration, heartbreak, and regret into the set, until his vision blurred.

Until he felt something hot and wet hit his hands.

Tears.

He barely noticed at first.

But Angela did.

She saw everything.

The way his head dropped lower. The way his shoulders curled in. The way his hands trembled between hits.

The song was coming to its climax, but Vinny didn’t feel the energy of the crowd anymore.

He felt his own heart breaking all over again.

We're fallin' apart, we're fading away Pretending the damage doesn't matter. Ignoring the scars, but now it's too late We settle for nothing ever after...

Nothing.

The lights pulsed red.

His chest felt hollow, his head spun.

And still, he played.

Even as his drumsticks cracked under the force of his grip. Even as the tears blurred his vision. Even as he felt like he was seconds away from shattering completely.

Because that’s all he could do.

Play until there was nothing left.

Play until he felt something.

Play until the past was nothing more than an echo in the back of his mind.

Play until he forgot.

But how could he forget?

How could he forget the way you looked next to him in bed in the mornings, hair a tangled mess, eyes still heavy with sleep as you blinked up at him like you weren’t quite sure if you were awake yet?

How could he forget the way you used to look in his hoodies, when you'd steal one and curl up beside him, your warmth pressing into his side like you belonged there?

How could he forget the way he made you laugh, a sound so full of life that it made his chest ache?

How could he forget the way you looked at him?

Like he was the only thing in the world that mattered.

Like you loved him.

But if you loved him, why did you leave?

Why was it so easy for you to walk away while he was still here, drowning in everything you left behind?

Why did it feel like he was the only one who couldn’t move on?

We settle for nothing...

And as the song finally came to an end, he let himself breathe.

There would be no more hiding. No more looking over his shoulder, waiting for Noah’s glare. No more having to bite his tongue.

It was out now and he didn't care.

Because now he had nothing left to lose.

Ever after.

--------------------------

i am so so sorry to everyone who was excited to find out who she ends up with but the title of the fic is nothing ever after... it was always going to end this way :') BUT if you're still here reading this i'm going to spoil something. it's not over. i have 2 sequels for this fic. TWO!! ONE FOR THE VINNY GIRLIES. ONE FOR NOAH GIRLIES!! i'm already on chapter 15 of the vin fic (which is literally insane but i've been writing it on and off for two months now) and i'm on chapter 5 of the noah one which i finally started last week, but i know there are literally NO fics for vinny so that was kinda my priotity :) THANK YOU FOR READING AND IM SORRY FOR THE ENDING LMAO I LOVE YOU!! <33

@rumoured-whispers @bloody-spades @lma1986 @thisbicc @dominuslunae @miss570 @miamore0570 @jilliemiw86 @itsyaboinoah @kait16xo @discocowgirly @rainy-darling

[babyjinsu]

[r/Unsent_Unread_Unheard] you don't give a fuck about me, but i still do.

PAIRING ⟢ seunghan hong x fem!reader

GENRE ⟢ reddit au, oneshots, written, angst

CW ⟢ the use of "bitch" and "slut", he sounds like he's going to murder you icl, kind of dark? seunghan doesn't know if he hates reader or he still loves her so it's lowkey everywhere n messed up, implied cheating

SYNOPSIS ⟢ a heartbroken ex boyfriend expresses his deep hatred and his love for his ex girlfriend on r/Unsent_Unread_Unheard.

💭 seunghan is crazy here...

[r/Unsent_Unread_Unheard] you don't give a fuck about me, but i still do. posted by u/hanseung • 19h ago

i'm such a fucking idiot. i don't even know why i'm writing this knowing you won't read, and even if you do, you couldn't be bothered to give a single shit. nothing about me has ever mattered to you because you're just a selfish little bitch.

i don't know why it took me so fucking long to notice and realise (or maybe i always fucking have but i'm just too delusional) why you were always looking at him and how your stupid eyes never settled or lingered on me the way mine did on you. i wanted to believe what we had was real so maybe that's why i was constantly ignoring the warning signs. i really shouldn't have.

i still think at one point you loved me, but not in the same way i loved you.

i loved you so so much... and the worst part? i still fucking do yn. i would've done so much for you and us if you could just love me fully-heartedly. or at least fucking pretend to?? we were 'together' for 2 fucking years for fuck's sake, you could've just continued that act and we can all be happy instead of being a fucking slut.

this whole time i was just a placeholder while you waited for him to be available. your heart belonged to someone else this whole time. and out of everyone, it just had to be my fucking brother? seriously yn? you couldn't choose other people besides my own brother?

i don't think you know what that does to a person. but knowing you, i know you do but you're just a snobby little spoiled bitch who only thinks of herself. i bet you fucking wish the i love yous that i whispered were from my brother. the nights we spent together too? did you picture his face when you look at me because we look similar? how many times did you almost moan out his name instead of mine?

i want to hate you sooooo fucking much yn. i don't deserve this kind of love from anyone, much more from a cheating bitch like you. you're such a horrible person, and i hope karma bites your ass back. i hope nothing in your life goes right and it destroys you, and you'll realise that it is all thanks to me. i'm praying for your fucking downfall yn. you will never be loved the way i loved you.

since i've said too much anyway, i just want to let you know that i look for you in other girls. sometimes i don't do it on purpose, sometimes it's a pattern. i look for pieces of you and let myself believe that this time i can make it work. and when it hurts them, i want you to know it's all your fucking fault yn. you made me the person i am today. it's all your fault. you will live and carry the pain of these girls that i've emotionally hurt.

you never had to grieve me because you were never mine in the first place. but i was yours. my whole being was yours. i practically fucking devoted my life to you. i rejected snu to enroll yonsei with you AND my brother. the fuck yn... did you use witchcraft on me?

i was just some guy you were with to get closer with my brother, and congratulations on accomplishing that mission. hope you know that when you guys are married, we'll still be seeing each other for christmas, new years, holidays, and celebrations to come. you'll never fully get rid of me yn.

you don't give a fuck about me but i still do. and i bet that boosts your ego you bitch.

💭 well... ◡̈

[drawing-myself-in-and2-death]

I also have hypermobility [H-EDS], back problems and small knee caps

here's my experience:

I'm usually fine to stand stationary most days but I do have a limit [1-2hours], I also have worse days when my limit is a lot lower [as low as 10-30min]

so I frequently ask for accommodation and use priority seating on a full bus

yes some people might look at you a bit strange but don't say anything,

being young doesn't mean you can't be disabled, nor should it mean you can't take preventative measures [why be slightly uncomfortable when you could be more comfortable] asking for accommodation in personal or professional life doesn't require you be completely disabled all the time

when asking for accommodation at work I've never been denied accommodation,

I usually have to explain how my condition effects me or sometimes what it is if I feel it's necessary, but only because they want to know how to accommodate me

one job it was chair, the other was never placing me on cash for longer than the time frame I specified I was ok with standing stationary

it never hurts to ask I promise you will not be sent to turbo hell

Because you aren't using a tool you don't need, you're using a tool that makes a task easier and less painful for you, by definition that's allowed you don't have to be in agonizing pain for this to apply

it's good that you aren't yet!

there will always be assholes but it's still better to ask and have that conversation than be in pain[even if its low pain]

and your mum likely loves you more than she does her bathroom

it's better to treat your body as best you can->challenge it of course, but when you choose to, not for basic task like showering

having discomfort is reason enough to use tools or do something differently.

which can be a shower stool

or if that would require an expensive remodel, a chair outside the shower

doing standing showering, but when you feel discomfort get out [turn off water to not waste] and sit down until you feel like you can stand again

and yes what I'm describing would make showering take longer, but that also shows you might legitimately need the shower stool

theses are my thoughts anyway,

i felt necessary to explain/expand like this because society and ablism has caused people to harbour feelings of not being "disabled enough" which is a fucked up pain games that's just wrong, disability is a spectrum and any amount of pain that prevent you from an activity or makes it harder is acceptable to ask for accommodation

it especially affects young people and people with invisible disabilities[like hypermobility] because they've been taught that they shouldn't "take a tool they don't need" but if a normal task causes pain, its acceptable to not do it, use a tool or alter the task

if this means there won't be a tools for someone else, there should just be more tools

should i ask my mother to get a disability aid (a seat in the shower) installed so i can shower more comfortably?

i have hypermobility and i can struggle to stand in the same place for periods of time without it being painful, though it's not *too* bad (as in, i manage okay without a seat mostly. usually if i start to hurt i will just sit down on the floor of the shower). but i am worried about her saying no because a seat for a shower wouldn't fit within the style of the bathroom and i know she cares a lot about making the bathroom look nice.

i also feel that i might be judged for using something like that because i'm a teenager and i feel that teenagers "shouldn't have to use stuff like that" (logically i know this isn't true; might be some internalized ableism that i have? i'm not sure.)

please have a yes/no/nuance

It never hurts to ask.

[girlsounnerving]

Shauna and Melissa on my mind here’s my quick take (or theory i suppose) now that we’re about to see lots more of Melissa

As much as im delighted and surprised by the end of S3E2, I do not think there is going to be much romance between the two considering how mentally unstable and vicious Shauna is, and how I think the power dynamic is going to play out between Shauna and Melissa. They both have something to gain from being ‘together’, and while i think Melissa probably does actually like Shauna (just look at her she’s a dyke), it’s still very transactional because they are insane teenage girls in the wilderness.

What does Melissa have to gain? Melissa was previously unnoticed. Not present in s1 and barely heard from in s2, Melissa was a JV player and not at all close with the Varsity soccer team, which consists of the ‘main girls’ so to speak.

“The group dynamic changes, because girls who were formerly keeping to themselves are making their presence more known” — Jasmin Savoy Brown (‘Inside Yellowjackets Season 3’)

In the new dynamic established in spring where we see more of the JV girls being treated as teammates rather than side characters, there comes an opportunity for a new power struggle. In this, Shauna is not trifled with despite her lack of respect for Nat’s authority which everyone else seems to follow, making Shauna valuable to stand alongside for Melissa, who may not align herself to Nat or Lottie’s beliefs, as Melissa was one of the last to start following Lottie’s influence (around s2 ep 6 or 7 I think, in the wake of Shauna’s stillborn baby- I could be wrong though).

When Melissa says “Do you feel that right now? That’s fucking power” in ‘Inside Yellowjackets Season 3’, I believe that’s Melissa egging on Shauna’s influence and behaviour. Melissa will be an enabler, someone in Shauna’s corner who campaigns for her and also uses it as an excuse to rise with her into the ranks of leadership that Nat, Tai (and Van), and Lottie (though Lottie doesnt seem to be actively pursing it, she did pawn off her control to Nat) seem to have broken or are in the process of getting into.

What’s in it for Shauna? Not only is Shauna extremely emotionally unstable after the death of her best friend and baby, Sophie Nélisse also said about Shauna in a Deadline interview,

“[…] I think Shauna is so in shame of what she’s done. I think she has no love for herself and no empathy for herself. And so, you can’t love other people until you love yourself, and so I don’t think she’ll be able to give Melissa what she wants in return. And I think, on the contrary, she’ll just see her as another pawn on her chessboard to play with.”

Going off the fact that presumably Shauna is going to try to break into a role of more power and influence, either because Melissa is advocating for her or because she finally feels she has the means to do so, this ‘relationship’ will probably have little to do with romance for Shauna, and more about manipulating people and gaining numbers. What might be a ruthless rise to power and disposal of those who love her comes from the fact that Shauna has nothing to lose, and hates herself too much to let anyone actually love her in any way that matters, much less love someone in return, as Sophie Nélisse highlighted in the interview.

Also, somehow, this will be tied to Jackie. I have literally no proof but just look at Shauna. She’s sucking the soul out of another blonde. Anyway that’s all from me this is like half a thought that I managed to get down but its heavy on my mind this show is so good ugh

[spitedemon]

i really don’t think it’s “typical dragon age fandom nonsense” for people to be genuinely upset about the world state choices. combat, level design, art direction, gameplay gimmicks, those have all varied across each dragon age game. the one thing that’s remained constant are nods to our previous choices.

i wasn’t expecting my HoF to come riding in on a griffon, but i can’t find a monument dedicated to warden tabris somewhere around the anderfels? lucanis couldn’t have some lines about the time that one arainai boy was stirring up trouble in antiva city? you’re gonna tell me that making a mage the new divine wouldn’t have some impact on nevarra and antiva? on the anderfels, the supposed most devout militant andrastian nation in thedas? you’re saying nobody in the north is paying attention to who rules orlais or ferelden? come on.

[trappedinafantasy37]

I went to a very old save of mine in which I knocked out Minthara in Act 1 and I talked to her again in the throne room. If you knocked her out, this is how she looks at you when she questions you:

She seems genuinely disturbed over your actions. Can you blame her? You were the one who knocked her out. You brought her harm for reasons that she cannot understand. She can understand someone killing her as that is what she expects of those around her. She will criticize your choice of sparing an enemy and showing mercy to someone you have greater reason to kill. Even though she has doubts about you, she shuts herself down, thinking she should be more grateful rather than doubtful of you.

You can tell her that you saw her as a potential ally, but she will call you a hypocrite as Gut and Ragzlin were not shown the same mercy, nor was any other True Soul.

You can even tell her, "You were simply too stubborn to die" as a means of trying to take any culpability off yourself. To try to turn the situation into a little jokey joke. However,

Minthara does not take it as a compliment and she knows you are full of shit. Even though you took the "good" path, she does not trust you.

Minthara understands mercy and even she believes some people are deserving of it. Sadly, she does not see herself as one of those people and is disturbed as to why you gave her mercy. There is no answer you can give her here that will make her trust you. She knows you went out of your way to spare her and only her, and that frightens her.

Remember, this is not the first time in which Minthara's entire army was killed right from underneath her and she was deliberately left as the sole survivor. Orin slaughtered all of her men in a blink of an eye, and Orin's "mercy" only brought her pain and torture. Later down the road, Minthara criticizes herself for not paying more attention to Orin when she first arrived at Moonrise. And so she is giving you a lot of attention, she is watching you, studying you, because she fears that you are going to hurt her the moment she takes her eye off you. Because you already have. Your "mercy" gave her a concussion, your deception had her found guilty of incompetence, and she was then subjected to even more torture by the Absolute in which she was given permanent brain damage. She is afraid that the only reason that you spared her, is because you want to torture her. Even when you show up in Moonrise and enter into her mind prison, she is expecting you to kill her and begs you do it quickly. She is not expecting mercy from you, only death. She is only in that predicament because of you. Why would she think for a single second that your mercy comes from a place of good intentions?

She knows fully well that she owes her life to you and that her life is entirely at your mercy, one you can revoke at any time. She doesn't trust you, she doesn't trust the rest of the companions, but she cannot leave nor walk away. There is no good way out of this for her and she's afraid of the cycle repeating. She is not going to make the same mistake again. Instead of her oath to you being from a place of affection, her oath to you comes from a place of fear.

[hindahoney]

Wild and revolutionary concept: maybe don't treat converts like trash just because they're converts? And also don't ask someone if they're a convert in a public setting?