#but you never do specific things on a regular enough basis to be like Oh I Fuckin Got This

[baycitystygian]

promising myself that if I send in five job applications or more in the next 24 hours I can give myself a little treat (an 8x10 of paulie I saw on eBay that made me downright critically DEHYDRATED for that man)

[ilys00ga]

you are my favorite!!!! super happy to know you are taking requests :D also i hope you are doing well♡♡

could i request a yoongi x f!reader possibly where they have a rlly bad argument and make it up and it ends really fluffy? maybe the argument could be over jealusy or this stuff ofc not in a toxic way. Thank you in advance :)

BLOWING SMOKE.

PAIR: yoongi x f reader

TAGS/WARNINGS: established relationship, producer!yoongi, yoongi fucks up real bad, hes lowk an ass in this one sorry xxx, he fixes things tho, misunderstandings with a great amount of miscommunication, reader thinks hes cheating, jealousy, angst, also fluff, a teenie tiny dusty bit of smut implications at the very end, but no smut I promise. that's it I guess?? lmk if I missed something. oh yeah this is probably full of unedited mistakes, just ignore :)

A/N: omg omg first off, THANK U I love u lots 💗 second, this matches the new fic I was already working on so akdjqjsjjs was in the mood for some good angst hehehe...although, I gotta say, this was pretty rushed cz I had a shit ton of things to do (I still do) but I tried to make it as good as I can, I hope u like it 🥹 also, ik u said 'not in a toxic way' but I think I might have gotten carried away? nothing too extreme I hope, but we all fuck up, and yoongi here is not doing any better.

PS. requests are still open! feel free to drop some in my ask box anytime :)

Loving Yoongi was like a field of cotton grass dancing with the wild wind on a fresh late spring day. But being in a relationship with him, much like any other relationship out there, wasn't always a bed of soft petals and a sky of warm sunshine.

“I'm sorry, darling. I have to stay here for another two hours. You can still come over if you want.” That was what he said over the phone, one day, when you asked whether he was free for a dinner date or not. It's been a hectic week for the both of you, two adults trapped in the hectic mess of what we call life. An unsettling bubble formed in your chest. You missed him, so, terribly much. The days went on, and it became harder for you to sit down with him for a genuine conversation or a wholesome meal. The mere thought that your relationship was heading towards one of those bland and colorless stages was heavy on your heart.

His suggestion sounded apologetic enough for you to swallow the pill entirely, so you immediately declared your agreement, grabbed your purse, then left the apartment.

On your twenty-minutes-long walk there, you made sure to grab a bottle or two of wine and some snacks, because, knowing Yoongi, he would let his body devore itself before he would feed himself a proper meal, once he's inside that studio.

Except that, all of your hopes of a hopelessly romantic night at his studio, and that uncomfortable couch he purchased specifically so he wouldn't doze off when he's supposed to work, vanished as soon as you pushed the door open and walked in.

Yoongi never said or did anything to hurt your trust, neither were you the type of lover to shed tears and break glass when they see their partner with another person. But seeing him sitting so close to the female producer you were already familiar with, their chairs almost touching as they fixed their attention on the large computers on top of his desk, that was a sight you weren't ready for. And it wouldn't have been so much of an issue to you if you weren't sitting in the same room with your boyfriend and the woman he used to hook up with on a regular basis before he got with you.

“It's good to finally see you, __.” She gave you a smile. A little, polite and genuine gesture that, in contrast to the smile you mirrored to her, made your stomach flip.

Another hour passed with you staring mindlessly at your phone screen and them doing their thing. You were on the verge of excusing yourself to leave, to maybe catch some fresh air instead of suffocating to death inside that closed space, when the girl finally stood up to leave.

You watched as she gave him a hug, her hand gently rubbing at his shoulder, before she faced you to bid her goodbye and left.

Throughout the entire thing, Yoongi didn’t spare you a glance. His back was the only thing you could see, along with the back of his head, covered with his favorite dark beanie. You thought her departure would soothe your heart and put your anxious mind to rest. That Yoongi would turn around and explain why the hell he was hanging out with her, and not with his usual team members. Except that neither of the above happened.

“I’m done here too, for the day. We can go now.” He said as he stood up from his own chair, stretching his arms and arching his body with a rough groan. You were left wondering whether you were the insane one there. Or maybe he was that blind to the chaos happening in your head at that very moment.

The words were on the tip of your tongue. You could no longer hold them back. They were too strong to be kept hidden deep inside your throat. And so, you cleared your throat and let them speak for themselves. “You never told me you still work with her.”

You paused, taking a deep breath as you anticipated an answer from him, which came rather more lightheartedly than you fancied.

“Oh, I didn't think it was worth talking about.” He said, hovering over the desk to turn the devices off.

“Really?” You tucked the tip of your finger under another one, his usual nonchalance was supposed to sooth you, reassure your heart that he only belonged to you, but it only served to stir something inside your anxious self. “But it's still something, Yoongi..”

“Darling, you were never bothered with who I work with.” He remarked.

“Because you never had history with your usual team members.” Your blunt argument, with all the bitterness it held, took the both of you off guard.

“Is this about what I think it is?” He glanced up at you again, finally catching up on the situation at hand. “Look at me. Are you upset because she was here?”

“Yes I am.. You never mentioned the fact that you still see her everyday. Were you planning on keeping that from me?”

He let out a heavy sigh. “I told you it was never a big deal, baby. That's why I didn't bring it up.”

“Yoongi, it doesn't matter what you think of it. I deserve to know this type of thing.”

He scoffed at that, his attention turning to his stuff as he started gathering them. “Baby, please. I was working. We had a project to do. It's not like I slept with her or something.”

“Did you?”

At the heavy implication of your short question, Yoongi froze in his place, unmoving. His eyes spoke of surprise and pain as he stared deeply into yours, sending a chill down your spine. You blinked, and the sound of crashing almost made you jump when he threw the headphones he was holding carelessly on the desk.

“You think I did?” He asked. Even as his voice was completely empty of amusement, he didn't raise his voice at you. “You think I slept with her?”

“I don't know.” You shrugged. “That's what I'm trying to know.”

Neither of you spoke after that. He continued staring at you, not providing an answer that could satisfy your clenching heart. Instead, and just like every single time the two of you had an argument before that, he faced his desk again and busied himself with his belongings, his movements harsher and rougher than before.

“It's better if you leave now.” He said, his voice disturbingly cold.

You wished he could say anything. Maybe snap at you for being so harsh with your judgment on him, or lay his heart out and tell you the thing you dreaded the most, that he indeed slept with her. But he didn’t. He just faced the other way and did utter a word. And so, you grabbed your purse, phone in your other hand, and walked out of the studio.

Deep in the darkness of your room, you lay on your bed, deep in thought, staring at the ceiling like it could crack open and show you the secret towards a blissfully happy love story to remedy your soul. Your string of thoughts was cut short when noise broke out in your apartment. The sound of the front door being locked and closed again.

You craned your neck to catch a glimpse of the digital clock on top of your nightstand. It was three am.

Having had this scenario happen multiple times throughout the years of your relationship with him, you left your tear stained pillow and followed the source of the noise, your boyfriend in the kitchen.

You found him bent down in front of the open fridge, his back, once again, facing you. If he didn't hear your footsteps against the floor, he definitely heard the soft sniffle you let out as you leaned against the doorframe, you were certain.

“It's three in the morning.” You stated, like it was the most important news you could give him at that very moment. He didn't spare you a glance, settling for a can of beer and pushing the door of the fridge closed with his leg. “You shouldn’t drink at this hour.”

“Good to know you care about me.” He said, his voice calm but dripping with the usual bitter sarcasm he often exercised when he was tense or angry.

You couldn't help rolling your eyes at that. He was really upset. “Can we just talk?”

He flicked the can open with one hand, taking a long gulp of the liquor that left you with a small frown. “Why? So you get to accuse me of cheating again?”

“Yoongi, please-”

“No, __.” He paused, his gaze felt like a freezing flame to your soul. “You feel the way you feel, yeah I get it. But doubting my loyalty like that? Thinking that I could really go out of my way to cheat like it's nothing? What the fuck are you doing?”

His words, coupled with the way he looked at you, felt like a punch to your guts in that very moment. He was right, you knew that. No matter how insecure and threatened you felt back then, no matter how fucked up the thing he did was, cheating shouldn't have been your first conclusion. Especially when you loved and cherished him so deeply. With a trembling voice, you gathered your words and tried to ignore your stinging eyes as they threatened to spill your hidden emotions out. “I... Our relationship has been so dull lately, I was hoping we could spend some time together and catch up, but then I saw her there and I just..”

“Just what, __?” He cuts your speech. “Do you even trust me?”

“I do, of course I do! But you didn’t even talk to me about it, and when I tried to talk, you were all like ‘Oh, it doesn't matter, you're just being dramatic.’”

“That is not what I said.” He hissed.

“Doesn’t matter!-” A sob interrupted your speech, you ran a hand through your hair in frustration. “Can we just- please-”

Your words were cut short when he started walking towards you. You felt his arms engulfing you in a tight embrace, your face finding its place buried into the crook of his neck, where your warm tears touched his soft, milky skin.

“Shh.. I know.” He whispered into your ear, the strong smell of alcohol, carrying a hint of coffee within, filled your senses. Your arms moved on their own, automatically hugged him back. “You know I would never break your trust, right?”

You nodded your head. Something about the softness of his voice, heavy with vulnerability, made your heart crush into pieces. The way he held you, despite the hurt you knew he felt because of you, had a toll on you.

You pulled away, enough to bring your hands up and cup his face. Your teary eyes staring into his weary ones as you spoke. “That was so stupid of me. I'm sorry.”

“I'm the stupid one here, baby..” He turned his face to nuzzle your palm and press a kiss onto its skin. “I should've thought into it. I was so immersed in work, I didn't see how fucked up the entire situation was. Should've paid more attention.”

He leaned in, pressing a kiss on your forehead and letting his lips linger on your skin there for a few more seconds. “I'm sorry, darling. I'm sorry I made you think that lowly of me.”

The gentleness of his gesture and his words made your tears flow with a mind of their own. There was never a time he made a huge mistake and didn't make you feel like the sky might fall apart at the sight of your tears. It only made the guilt heavier on your heart.

He tightened his hold around you, pulling your body flush against his as he let you cry your hearts content out on his skin. You could feel his hand on the back of your head, a silent encouragement for you to nuzzle his neck again. You obliged.

“I can't believe you made me cry at three a.m like this.” You whined, after a long moment of hushed words of love and quiet sobs, and sniffled.

“I'm sorry, darling..” He cooed at you, wiping the tears off of your cheeks with his gentle fingers. The soft expression he had quickly faded into a slight smirk that appeared on his handsome face. “It wouldn't be the first time I do that, though.”

“Hey!” Your hand landed on his shoulder in a light swat. “We're having a moment here! And I still haven't forgiven you, you know!”

He let out a light chuckle, his smirk deepening when he tilted his head and noticed the faint blush on your face. “Worry not, I'll make it up to you. I'm gonna make you cry in a different way, darling.”

“Go away!” You whined again and shoved him away. His suggestive words made your face feel a lot warmer than necessary, but you tried to sound as stern and unaffected as you possibly could, under his gaze. “I'm going to bed. You better not follow me there, you're sleeping on the couch.”

“Oh, no need for the bed, baby.” He ignored your empty threat and rejection, making a quick job of scooping you up in his arms and heading towards the living room. “We have a foldable couch for a reason.”

“It's an expensive couch, you ass!”

[blueteller]

Out of all the bad people in the story, i dislike Director Ma the most. Reading about krs sitting quietly in his chair trying to get a day off to see cjs & lsh hurt alot. Why do you think krs didnt do anything to get revenge on Ma?

Oh, I absolutely agree. Director Ma is THE WORST. The kind of emotional manipulation this man did to KRS? Disgusting. Utterly repulsive.

I was honestly so glad that it was OG Cale in the side-story and not KRS who heard him say... that, but unfortunately, the fact that Director Ma DARED to try guilt-trip OG Cale!KRS for taking a VACATION of all things, to his face, when we all know that OG KRS was a workaholic who rarely ever took days off? It means this sort of thing wasn't new. For all we know, this could have been a regular occurrence in the office. Not this line specifically, but this… general dismissal of KRS's feelings, while simultaneously taking advantage of his emotions and sense of responsibility. It's the "He's not even crying during a funeral" all over again. Those freaking monsters at the Company, how freaking dare they. Just thinking about it makes me angry.

Now, about your question. Why do you think KRS didn't do anything to get revenge on Director Ma?

I actually considered it in the past. We know Cale is someone perfectly capable of taking revenge and getting even. So why would he let this jerk get away with such behavior when clearly he had enough power in the Company to make a difference?

Here are some of my theories.

One, it could be that Director Ma was useful. You might remember, during the Sealed God's Test arc, Cale mentioned knowing the leaders of the shelters and remembering how he was used to asking them for help and cooperation in the past, with much struggle. Director Ma might have been one of many, many individuals that KRS tolerated "for the greater good". As long as he was only a jerk to KRS as a Team Leader and left his teammates alone, I imagine KRS did not think much about his own hurt. He was too practical. If Director Ma was evil like, let's say, Adin, and was planning harm to other people, Cale certainly would never let it go. But a common… jerk, for the lack of a better word? He could have shrugged it off easily.

Two, maybe it was because Director Ma was a senior. Cale is actually really, really Korean in that aspect. Multiple times in the story Cale had a habit of considering how he should treat his seniors. He even remarked about the White Star that "I don't care if he is a total senior, that guy is a crazy bastard from now on". So, the simple cultural habit of respecting his seniors could be at play here. Yes, Director Ma was way out of line with his words, but those were the words of a senior. So even if Cale understood that it wasn't fair to be treated like this, he might have felt obligated to accept it because of the traditional Korean values of social hierarchy.

Three, maybe it was a sense of helplessness. One of the moments that struck me really hard in the flashback when LSH & CJS died, was the fact that "no one told KRS to wipe his nosebleed". Once KRS lost all his friend, he felt isolated. Without anyone to defend him. Director Ma wasn't the only a**hole he had to deal with on a regular basis in the Company. Perhaps, due to his depression, KRS simply grew used to such disrespectful treatment until he accepted it as a norm. Which is really freaking sad, but I could see it happening. I really do think that transmigration snapped Cale out of a 10-year-long streak of depression and workaholism. …Well, maybe not the second part, heh.

Four, there could be complexities to his relationship with Director Ma. KRS worked over a decade in the Company, after all. Perhaps there was something in their history that made KRS unable to act against him. Blackmail, for example? I don't know what kind of blackmail would work on KRS of all people, but. Perhaps it was simply emotional blackmail. Maybe KRS felt guilty over being Team Leader, because the spot was meant to be inherited by CJS. Maybe Director Ma helped him in the past and KRS felt like he owed him. Who knows? 10 years is a long time.

Here, there's my answer. None of those reasons make Director Ma's treatment of KRS justifiable, of course. But it would explain how such a dumb person avoided getting utterly annihilated... Because we all know Cale could have done it with ease. But relationships between co-workers can be complicated, so.

...Let's all be glad OG Cale got to avenge KRS by simply being himself 😂

[practicedvmm13fullofpotatoes]

MORE Johnny and Janae headcanons because the first set was me going "Oh, these characters are nice :)" but now it's me going "Ouhhh, these characters are going to be rotating in my brain for the next few months and I fully accept that"

Johnny

That headcanon of him dreaming about the Somerset fire is actually just me being way too obsessed with these guys. This couldn't have happened no matter how I explained it. The Somerset fire happened some time around 1950. The timeline was changed when BD was in his mid 40s (I think?) so that'd be like. 1980 at least. Johnny dreaming about the Somerset fire is literally impossible unless I did some more time fuckery than these guys already do on a regular basis

Tries to like his family's interests so that they'll love him more. He doesn't like soccer but he does it for his dad. He doesn't like the theater but he'd watch it for his mom. He doesn't really understand seismology but tries to for Janae. He knows Janae already loves him a lot, but he just does it out of habit

Social chameleon. Will literally change things about himself so that people will like him. These efforts fail a lot of the time, but in the rare case that he actually gets someone to notice and see him in a positive light, he will cling on to that person and never let them go

Because of the things mentioned above, Johnny tends to have identity crises. Yeah, you heard me. Plural. He's been doing all of this since he was 7. He knew from the get-go that he didn't fit in. And in his head, the best course of action was to try to blend in

Definitely likes art-- or, more specifically, painting. It's the one thing about himself that he's sure of. His father, though, doesn't approve of this and hid his art supplies in the basement, a place he knows Johnny is too scared to check

I don't know about other countries' classes but like. If they have TLE (Technology and Livelihood Education), methinks Johnny would like the subject a lot (home ec, entrepreneurship, agriculture, yadda yadda)

Sensitive to extreme temperatures. Trying to cook an egg? It feels like his skin is actually burning (it's not). The weather is chilly? He'll need to wear a lot of layers (physically refuses to function if it's cold)

Developed a lot of crushes when he was in middle school but only now realizes that they were just happy crushes

Frequent nightmares about death. They're not future dreams but he believes that they are. Very anxious to continue with his day because he might end up dropping dead later

His love language is quality time. Definitely some tonal whiplash but I thought I'd throw this out there

Janae

Very verbal. Will not hesitate to blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. Like, they could just be talking about seismology to Johnny but then yell out "SEISMOGRAM" in the middle of it before going back to building the finalized version of it. This happens very often

Oh, you interupted their ramble? They completely forgot what they were talking about and is pissed because you disturbed them.. Though, you do have to find a way to make Janae stop eventually. Most effective method is to raise your hand. After a few seconds, they'll stop talking to let you talk

If you disturbed Janae, they will immediately not like you. I'm sorry but they don't make the rules. You're not a good person in their eyes anymore

Poor memory on things that should be important. They struggle with remembering dates, dues, assignments, paperwork and other stuff that is very important. They have too much going on in that mind of theirs to remember much. It will always end up pushed to the back of their brain

Struggles with prioritizing and time management. If the task seems easy enough, they'll procrastinate and do something that's more important to them. They'll eventually forget about it until it suddenly becomes important again. And they end up cramming to pass it on time so it's a bit sloppy but no one notices because it's still really good in comparison to the others passed. The only other person to be able to tell whether or not Janae actually spent time doing something is Johnny

Frequently forgets words. Like mentioned earlier, they have too much going on in their head to remember much. ("Johnny, what was that thing called? The thing that happens when a woman goes into labour?" "Huh?" "When she's like?? Pushing the baby out??" "I don't know??" "I swear we had a conversation about this before--")

You know how people say to look at the big picture and to stop focusing on the smaller details? Janae is the exact opposite of that but in a more literal sense. Let's say that they're looking for [brand] toothpaste but they can't find it despite checking the isle several times. They'll ask an employee about it and get directed to a part of the aisle that they passed by a couple dozen times

Talks to themself a lot. Like said in bullet one, they're very verbal. Literally has to chew on gum/the inside of their cheek to shut themself up

That headcanon of Janae tutoring students their age and higher definitely makes zero sense if I actually think about it. Same with my excuse of Martha and Jack just sending them back to 2nd grade. But erm, they still tutor because I said so. They tutor their students :))

Gets distracted easily. Like. Very easily. Surprisingly easy. Especially by shiny objects. (One student of theirs tried distracting them with a laser pointer. It worked. Three times)

[astro-b-o-y-d]

OK SO HI LOTS OF WORDS LOTS OF SILLYIES TO SAY ABOUT THE NEW CHAPTER

does bill know how old he is? like is he aware hes a technically a preteen, or does he genuinely think hes 12 trillion years old physically and not just 12 in general.

either way thatd be hilarious. if he doesnt i can only imagine boyds being like

if he does know then the henchmaniacs must be in for a huge surprise if they ever were told. imagine youre passing around the bong and your boss is like “sorry i cant im not old enough to smoke”

also boyd gentle parenting bill gives me life im sorry its so funny.

other things:

“He was no stranger to having to pull a gun on Bill, and it was far from the first time he had pulled the gun on a child in general.” oh boy ford, do i have a surprise for you

dipper, grenda, candy, and pacifica: wow what a nice party its great to see everyone again

mabel, ford, and bill in the bunker:

FKGJHKDHGJDG THANK YOU~!

In order:

Bill is a trillion-and-twelve, as we were made aware by this one specific TBOB spoiler. And considering he outright SAID he was a preteen in it, I think it's safe to say he's aware of this fact as well.

But does he go around BROADCASTING that, or at least framing it as something other than a joke/lie? Absolutely not. In fact, for anyone reading the fic outside of Tumblr where I can't keep my mouth shut, I like to hope they are going into the fic with the mindset that Bill is only PLACED into a vessel that's a child while still being an adult mentally.

Of course we know this ISN'T the case, but it's the general vibe HE at least tries to go for on a regular basis. Or at the very least, come across as an adult to SOME degree, even a very immature one. Immature adults can still get things done. Immature children are looked down upon and treated as that; immature children.

So not to spoil, but no. The Henchmaniacs do not know. They have Theories but I can imagine that even if Bill told them his actual mental age right to their faces, he'd also bury it in a million different lies about his age so they'd never know which one was right. Also you really think he wouldn't snatch the bong right outta their hands and take the biggest puff just to establish dominance? Come on~! 😂

It's also cute how you call Tangy Boyd. I don't mind it, because he's gone on record to say he has multiple names, but within the fic itself he is strictly referred to as Tangy for the sake of not getting confused. And yeah, it's getting more and more clear as I write him that the duck is a babysitter back in his home dimension. Although given the name of one of the kids he babysits, it might be best to avoid using Boyd for his name 🤭

And FGFHKJHKDGHJDK YEAH, poor Ford and Mabel are having a TIME while the rest of the gang's like 'Teehee party shenanigans~!'

[not-poignant]

Have you ever worked on just one fic at a time (how did you find it?) or have you always worked on multiple fics at once?

If you've done both which way do you prefer and what are the pros/cons for each?

Hi anon!

I have worked on one fic at a time before! When I first started out actually, I wrote pretty much all of From the Darkness We Rise, and most of Into Shadows We Fall without working on anything else.

And I know there's been other times where I've also briefly worked on other stories solo.

What I learned is that I vastly prefer working multiple projects at the same time. It's a very personal preference, some people hate doing things like this, but I love it! For me, I find that if I have writer's block on one story, I generally won't have it for another story (and if I have it for every story, then I'm exhausted, which is different, lol.)

I don't really get writer's block anymore, or perhaps more accurately the tools I use to deal with it just always tend to work now. But I still prefer to work on multiple stories at the same time.

General pros / cons for me are

Working on one story:

PROS

Focusing on just one thing, often very rapid updates (i.e. 2-4 a week) (see cons for the downside of this)

Can basically exist in that world and only that world.

CONS

Sometimes 'writer's block' actually means 'writer's block only for this story.'

Inconsistencies if you crash out on a story and aren't working on anything else.

Missing out on other 'tones.' If you're only working on a grimdark smut story and feel like writing something wholesome you are shit out of luck until you finish your giant 2 year long story.

Take less chances on 'risky' stories. Things like Game Theory and The Nascent Diplomat etc. literally wouldn't exist.

Working on multiple stories:

PROS

No more writer's block! (For me)

Able to switch between lots of different tones, so I can go between dark and smutty, to heavy worldbuilding, to wholesome and consent focused, between different kinds of angst, and different genres.

It's more fun (imho)

A good way to justify writing quieter stories, because you might be getting more comments and feedback somewhere else. As an example, it's a lot easier to commit to Smoke in Autumn on the side even though that's comparatively very quiet, because Underline the Black and A Stain that Won't Dissolve gives me enough dopamine for everything.

I can work on fanfiction and original fiction at the same time. Always a bonus.

For readers who only want one kind of story from me, there's a much higher chance that I might be writing one of those kinds of stories. Very useful given I know a lot of people who actually hate omegaverse lol.

My wordcounts are actually higher because I'm more inspired.

The possibility since starting ADHD meds of actually working on stories to save for *after* current serials which is totally new for me.

CONS

A slight increase in the likelihood of continuity errors due to holding so many worlds in your head on a regular basis.

The 'I don't really want to work on this story even though I have to' feeling.

The internal pressure of 'oh shit am I working on too many stories right now' and feeling quite overwhelmed.

No story is getting 2-3 updates a week most of the time and sometimes I worry that means people will hate it.

-

As you can see anon, for me personally, the pros of writing multiple stories absolutely wins out. These are very specific pros/cons to me, and for someone else, the cons of writing multiple stories might be way too long.

Fun fact: Game Theory would never have been written if I focused on 'one story at a time.' I started writing that towards the end of Into Shadows We Fall, and started putting chapters up for it before I'd finished. I just won't take risks in the same way when I'm only working on one story at a time. I doubt I'd ever have written original fiction on AO3 at all if I'd forced myself to stick to one story at a time!

[eldritchsurveys]

1216.

Is your closet disorganized? >> It's not disorganised, it's very organised, it just looks chaotic because it's a small wooden wardrobe that I have to somehow fit all of my clothes into. I can't figure out a way to make it look any better than it does. Have you ever been to Times Square? >> Many, many times. I have fond memories of being there in the wee hours of the morning with the crew. We were all so far removed from what is considered "normal" life, including "normal" reckoning of time... it is enviable. Being domesticated may indeed be safer and healthier, and I don't think I want to go back to that urban-wildling lifestyle (I don't even think I could, I'm not suited for it anymore, and so much of it depended on frequent drug use which I definitely cannot do anymore, physically and otherwise), but sometimes... sometimes, the nostalgia and the complicated grief that perpetuates it is overpowering.

Do you like to cuddle with your S.O. or do you prefer your space? .

What TV shows do you watch on a regular basis? >> Nothing that is currently airing, but I'm leisurely making my way through about 10 shows right now -- Riverdale, Stargate SG-1, Twin Peaks, Person of Interest, The Wire, Frasier, Vanitas no Carte, Jujutsu Kaisen, and Fruits Basket. Oh, that's 9 shows.

Have you ever accidentally left something valuable at a shop before? >> Not in recent memory.

Does it make someone a racist if they’re not attracted to a specific race? >> That is not how I understand racism. Attraction can indeed be informed by one's prejudices, but on the flip side, there are plenty of bigots who are also very into the idea of fucking the people they're bigoted towards. Who someone wants to fuck is not at all a reliable litmus test for whether they respect those same people and the cultures they belong to.

What makes your life remarkable? >> I don't know. The fact that I exist at all, I guess.

Are you putting off doing anything that you really need to get done? >> Not right now. I'm actually kind of shit at procrastination, sitting in that state of anxiety and dread is actually more painful than just doing the thing.

What is the last thing you scribbled down on a Post-It note? .

What are you currently listening to? >> A MyNoise preset to block out upstairs noise.

How would you react in discovering your best friend was seriously obsessed with you? >> I don't have one of those, but in general, I'd need more information than this. What connotation of "obsessed" is being used here? For example, if by "obsessed" you mean they're just super into me in a way that is more on the limerence/romantic ideation side of things, that's fine, I suppose. We'd have to talk about what that means for our relationship, and it could either be a good or bad thing, depending on how I feel about them and how well they manage complicated feelings, I guess. But if by "obsessed" you mean they want to eat my organs, well.............. honestly, that's not a dealbreaker either, I wouldn't entirely mind being part of a Hannibal/Will type dynamic-- My point is, context matters. Also I may end up setting myself up to be serial killed one day.

Do you care if your produce is organic or not? >> I don't, except in the sense that I don't want to buy organic products because they cost more.

Do you have any children? If so, how old were you when you had them? If not, do you think you ever will? >> I do not and I never will.

Do you eat meat? >> Infrequently, but yes.

Do you get enough calcium? >> I don't know. I haven't had labs done in a long time.

Do you think before you act or speak? >> For the most part. Sometimes my responses come from a deeper place than my cognition.

Do you have a SwagBucks account? >> I do, because shit like that is my only source of money.

Are you nosy? >> I can be. I like knowing things. Not even for the sake of using the information for anything, I'm just a curious motherfucker.

Do you always try on clothes before purchasing them? >> I hate doing it but I have to. Off-the-rack clothing is my enemy. Is there anything in your closet with the tags still on? >> There is not.

Are you happy with the size of your bedroom? >> I am very happy with it, it's so big.

Do you add people you don’t actually know on Facebook? >> I don't do that.

What’s your favorite condiment? >> Hmm. Hot honey, maybe. Or umami seasoning. I put those on almost everything. Honourable mention to chili crunch oil.

Would you even want to know how much of your life has been spent online? >> As mentioned, I am always curious about things so sure why not, but I don't think this information would be useful in any way. Do you shop at American Eagle? >> I do not.

List 5 things you’re afraid of: >> Incarceration, prolonged terminal illness, idk.

Have you forgotten anything important recently? >> I completely forgot that I saw a whole ass ballet earlier this year. This is really becoming a running theme.

Would you say you’re an honest person? >> I would say that I am much more likely to be honest than I am to be deceitful, mainly because there's rarely times when being deceitful would be of greater benefit to me. However, it would be a mistake to assume that I will always be honest about everything, ever.

The last Facebook message you received from the opposite sex, what did it say? .

What does the nicest message in your Facebook inbox say? .

Is your best friend single? .

What color was the ink of the last pen you wrote with? >> Black. What does your pencil-case look like? .

Where was the last place you went that was totally new to you, as in, it was the first time you’d been there? >> Hmm... the food pantry I started going to, maybe?

When was the last time you used someone else’s computer? >> February, when I built Sparrow's PC.

Who do you dislike the most? Explain what you dislike about that person. .

What’s the longest you’ve liked someone without doing anything about it? .

Do you use straightening irons on your hair? What brand? >> I do not.

What’s the relationship status of the last person you talked to? .

Is there anything you would like to complain about? >> Not right now. What’s the first line of the last song you listened to? >> "Two hands on the back wall, we're going through your mind." (Royal Thunder, Floor) Think of the person from your past that hurt you the most. Is there anything you would like to say to that person? .

Does your mom like the last person you kissed? .

Now your cell phone, what color is it? >> Black.

Last text? Who was it from? .

Do you use your speed dials? >> I do not.

What was so special about today? >> Nothing.

If somebody tried to steal your best friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend, what would you do? .

What was the last thing you said to your mother? .

When was the last time you cried? >> This morning? Literally, I cry so often that I can't even keep track anymore. Wait, I think it was last night, actually.

Has anyone made you upset lately? >> No.

What are you looking forward to? >> Uh... hmm. Nothing, I guess. Various video game releases, maybe? But not really, because I just think about how I can't afford them and I'm like "oh yeah".

Does anyone completely understand you? >> Can Calah does.

Ever stayed up all night on the phone? >> I have not.

Do you miss your past? >> See my answer to the second question for a glimpse into how I feel about times long gone.

Do you have a reason to smile right now? >> Sure.

Are you a forgiving person? >> *shrug*

Do you say sorry first? >> I don’t apologise at all. If I’m inclined to be contrite about something, then I’ll show it another way.

Do you like cats? >> Not as a rule. The general obsession with cats irritates me on a visceral level, which I can't explain but I just have to live with. There is sometimes an individual cat that I will like -- Sparrow's parents have a cat named Sophia who is my bestie. (She's a calico, I tend to vibe with calicos. Similar temperaments, you know.) Has someone promised you something and broke it? >> Probably.

Did you kiss or hug anyone today? >> Well, there was Can Calah, as usual. Does your phone ring in the middle of the night? >> Even if I were to get some sort of midnight robocall, the fact that my phone is set on perma-Do Not Disturb would prevent me from knowing until the morning. Is there anybody you’re really disappointed in right now? >> There is not.

Have you ever lost someone you wish you didn’t? >> I’ve been upset about a person’s death in the past. But I’m not entirely sure I wanted him to not be dead. I just needed to adjust to the fact that it happened. Are you anything like you were a year ago? >> I’m something like I was a year ago, sure.

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? >> That'd be a fair description.

Would you rather spend a day outside with friends or inside alone? >> So, only one of these is an option for me--

Think back to this time last year, were you happy? >> I was whatever I was.

Has anyone upset you in the last week? >> No.

What should you be doing? >> There’s nothing specific I should be doing right now.

Describe how you feel right now in one word. >> Neutral.

What would you do if you found out one of your friends was going for the person you liked? . Do you prefer drinking water from a bottle or a sink? >> Tap water is free, I prefer the free water.

Will you ever run away and get married in Las Vegas with no notifications to either of your families? >> We did not do that. Well, I mean, I don't have a family, but Sparrow's family was definitely present at the wedding, which was incidentally in a different popular wedding destination (New Orleans).

Have you ever thrown your iPod in anger? >> Back when I had iPods, possibly. I definitely did it with CD players.

Who did you last have a heart-to-heart conversation with? >> God, I would love to have something like this. Besides my dialogues with Can Calah, which are always heart-to-heart.

Do you believe that there’s good in everybody? >> This good/evil concept is of no interest to me.

Has anything happened to you within the past month that has made you mad? >> Possibly?

Would you ever get a tattoo? >> I have three, so the answer is obviously yes. I would also get more if I could.

[shootinwebs]

{Hazbin Hotel Playlist: Deer in Gray Fog}

YouTube version:

Description: Mostly about Alastor being specifically sex-positive graysexual aromantic. These ended up being mostly downer songs, but don't get me wrong, Alastor is proud to be asexual and that part of his life is mostly good.

(Content Notes: aphobia, self-harm, alcohol dependency)

-He does have an incredibly emotional side underneath it all.

-He's not sexually attracted to anyone by their appearance.

-He craves platonic and familial intimacy. Occasionally, sexual intimacy.

-But he's far more interested in the emotional and the trust aspects of sex. He will totally have exclusively sexual affairs with someone if he's found he can seriously trust them enough to take off his perpetually-smiling persona. But he gets very tired of it, very quickly, because most of these people want to have sex with him on a regular basis and he finds that exhausting and sometimes even hurtful.

-If he's seriously sleeping with someone that often, it's definitely an act of self-harm, and involves him drinking over his limit.

-If he actually feels love towards someone, it's not romantic. It's the same way he would love a friend he really trusts.

Some of the songs that I feel aren't simply self-explanatory or that have lyrics I really want to point out:

Stranger (by Goldfrapp) || "Stranger, make me remember you. Taken by the crowd, a tide. It's there, then gone. Do or die." || A gentle but haunting erotic song about a no-strings-attached sexual encounter with a stranger, who is not attractive to the narrator by their appearance but by their otherworldly aura. Pretty much my overall idea of what makes Alastor enchanted by certain people.

Leather (by Tori Amos) || "Don't you want more than my sex? Oh, god, could it be the weather? Oh, god, why am I here? I almost ran over an angel. 'In a sense,' he said, 'You're alone here. So if you jump, you best jump far.'" || Honestly, because of the jazz vibes and the piano riff in the middle, I can totally imagine Alastor singing/playing this. The first line "I'm standing naked before you, don't you want more than my sex?" I think implies a figurative nakedness rather than literal. As in, the narrator has bared their soul to this person, but all the other person can think about and all they want from them is between their legs.

Boxing Day Blues (by Courtney Barnett) || "I know that I let you down. You're not keen on what you've found. I love all of your ideas, you love the idea of me. Lover, I've got no idea..."

All Cats Are Grey (by The Cure) || "I never thought that I would find myself."

Sleeps With Butterflies (by Tori Amos) || "Are you having regrets about last night? I'm not. Is there trouble ahead for you, the acrobat? This girl only sleeps with butterflies. So go on and fly, then." || Alastor being perfectly happy with his aromantic life, and even happier to say "ok! fuck off!" to anyone who doesn't respect that.

Time to Go Home (by Chastity Belt) || "There we were, sitting in silence. Nothing worthwhile to say. Wanting something that would cut deep. Oh... I can't see straight... The room is spinning... I just want to have a good time. I hope you have a strong heart." || Relying on alcohol to help him care less about how someone treats him in bed, craving both exclusively to feel something. But often, for him, the combination of being drunk + bad sex leads to him lashing out (even though he's not even a mean drunk). At best, screaming things at them like, "Don't fucking touch me! Stay away from me!", and at worst, killing them. The second lyric here, I usually interpret as someone being a mean drunk but relying on alcohol to feel something. But with Alastor, "I hope you have a strong heart" would mean he wants to sleep with someone who actually cares about his feelings.

Low Five (by Sneaker Pimps) || "Just change with no real progress, nothing comes to mind. Do you love yourself?" || Desperately craving platonic intimacy and a trustworthy bedroom experience. Alastor also feels that people who are offended by him rejecting them for sex are pitifully insecure and egocentric.

Tear in Your Hand (by Tori Amos) || "I think there are pieces of me you've never seen. Maybe I ain't used to 'maybes' smashing in a cold room, cutting my hands up every time I touch you."

Drone (by Chastity Belt) || "It was just illusion, stuck in my own bad air. I make choices without reason, invite strangers in and leave them. He was just another man trying to teach me something. I never expect much from anyone, so I'm never disappointed and I never have to trust."

Cologne Cerrone Houdini (by Goldfrapp) || "I'm not your kind, I'm not your girl. See, I'm in your car but not your life."

Thea (by Goldfrapp) || "It's a long, long night of waiting. I want you there, I want you gone." || Sometimes when he was alive, Alastor would start crying in the middle of sex, deciding he wanted to stop, and pushing the other person away from him. Because it just didn't feel right. Something was missing.

Dream On (by Depeche Mode) || "Can you feel a little love? What you take won't kill you, but careful what you're giving. Feel the fever coming, you're shaking and twitching. You can scratch all over, but that won't stop you itching." || Can't a potential friend feel at least a little platonic love? The last line suggests a struggle to be satisfied. There have been plenty of times when Alastor has had sex with someone but felt empty or annoyed because the other person just didn't care to make it mutually satisfying or to make sure Alastor could actually trust them.

Laurel (by Goldfrapp) || "Looking for lights, a golden light. Red, red hair and almond eyes. Strange how he's cold behind the smile. An angry mind, don't wait for tonight. Fear is a fog, rolling in and around. Whispers from inside, running out of time." || Alastor just wants friends or a found-family. He just wants to be close with people whom he really trusts (i.e. Rosie). But because of his early life experiences when he was alive, he finds it difficult and even heartbreaking to try to trust anyone. But he has an emotional, sentimental side to him that's desperate to be shared.

All Men Are Pigs (by Studio Killers) || "I believe that life's a film noir. I know the role that you play, so save your cliches. I wasn't born yesterday. Zip it up, Romeos."

"I'm the boy that will heal you, fix you up!" || This song tells the story of a conversation between two people: a person minding her own business and not interested in a sexual encounter, and a belligerent man trying to convince her that he's "not like other guys."

Swamp Song (by TOOL) || "You're a stupid, belligerent fucker. No one even invited you."

Caught a Lite Sneeze (by Tori Amos) || "Boys on my left side, boys on my right side, boys in the middle. Building tumbling down, didn't know our love was so small." || Alastor considers men or any adults who can't keep it in their pants as childish. Acting like boys, not men.

Strict Machine (by Goldfrapp) || He's turned on not by the way someone looks or by romantic feelings, but by the way they touch him, their body language, their tone of voice, and by his own ability to trust them.

My Hands (by Chaos Chaos) || "When you talk to me, there's something in the way. It's when you look at me, so I look far away. I know your kind, you're thinking about it. You think you own everybody. But I do give up, and I do dance with you."

Mama (by Unloved) || "Mama, I did something bad. Mama, I made a mistake. Unlocked my heart, m'aider, m'aider... I let him in, everything went dark. Make it stop, make it go away. I hear your voice inside my head, over and over and over again, 'If you play with fire, you're gonna get burned.'" || His mother was the very first person to be open-minded and to accept him unconditionally, encouraging him to always be himself. It wasn't until after she died that he started putting on a fake persona to protect himself. Because he had no one to confide in, and he doesn't know who he is without her. And that's where his confusing desires for intimacy started and his struggles to understand/accept his own identity. He wouldn't feel the need to subject himself to anything he didn't want if he just had his mother to hug and to talk to. But, she's most likely in Heaven, meaning he will most likely never see her again and never receive her much-needed advice.

[rose-n-gunses]

15 Questions for 15 Mutuals

I was tagged by @1lostsoul0fishbowl!

*

Are you named after anyone?

Nope! My name's somewhat unique and I'm not really sure how my parents came up with it.

Do you have kids?

Oh God no. I'm too young for that.

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Probably too much for my own good.

When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday maybe? Idk, I've been going through it (and pms is a bitch).

What's the first thing you notice about people?

I honestly don't know. Maybe their nose? Smile? Voice? Idk. I guess scent too, if they're close enough and that isn't weird to say.

Eye color?

Like, hazel? Brown? Idk.

What sports do you/have you played?

I played soccer for a long time but haven't played on a team since middle school. (I'm now out of shape and have hip/knee problems so I don't plan to get back into it any time soon even though I do enjoy it.) Oh, and I was in a lacrosse club for like five minutes in sixth grade so I have lacrosse sticks and understand the basic gist but I never played on a team.

Any special talents?

I'd like to say writing, but idk if that counts as a talent. Maybe singing too, I did voice lessons for several years and even though I don't do lessons anymore I do still actively try to maintain my voice just for fun. Maybe one day I'll have the confidence to use it in front of people again. Who knows.

Where were you born?

This is, like, mad specific and I hope nobody I know irl sees this because they'd instantly know it's me, but I was born in Bahrain. (My parents were stationed there for my dad's job.)

Scary movies or happy endings?

I guess happy endings, but I do enjoy a good scary movie every now and then.

Do you have any pets?

Not anymore, no. :(

How tall are you?

Somewhere between 5'3" and 5'5" but I'm not actually sure. Shorter than my younger brother, that's all I know. (😒)

What are your hobbies?

Writing! Maybe reading. Being a general nuisance to those around me. (This is my least favorite question to answer ever to anyone because I'm always embarrassed by my lack of hobbies. Watching tv? Contemplating? Wasting my life away scrolling through Instagram reels??)

Favorite subject in school?

General subjects? Probably history. Classes I took? Definitely creative writing. Oh, and chorus.

Dream job?

Oh man. Archaeologist. Librarian. Waitress in a small town diner. Museum curator. Owner of a funky vintage-style drive-in theater. (There are so many things that I think of on a regular basis that I'd love to do and now I can't think of any.)

*

I waited too long to do this so everyone's probably been tagged already. Plus, I don't even think I have fifteen whole mutuals. So I'll just tag anyone that wants to do it!

[discar]

I've been thinking about microagressions recently.

I'm going to tell a story. Let's say my name is "Johnathan" (it's not, but let's go with it for the purposes of this story). It's my birth name, it's my legal name, and it's how I introduce myself.

Every single person I meet outside of my immediate family, with one exception, immediately calls me "John."

(The exception was the girl I took to my senior Prom. She asked me what I wanted to be called when we first met, and continued to use that from then on. I did NOT appreciate that girl enough, and if I ever see her again I might marry her.)

I've been dealing with this my entire life, so I've never really thought much of it. Oh, I knew I hated it, I very specifically always introduce myself one way and am very aware that people call me something else, but I've never lost any sleep over it. I became a bit more aware when I heard about trans people and deadnames, but again, I didn't worry about it. I've never insisted that people call me one name, and then have them call me another.

However, there's a girl at my work. Let's call her "Melissa Chao" (not her real name). She always introduces herself with "call me Melissa." If you call her Chao, she'll correct you. She wants to be called Melissa. I've never asked why, and it doesn't matter to me.

The supervisors call her Chao.

At first, I didn't think much of it. They call everyone by first names and last names basically at random. We joke that they use whatever name the person they're talking to is least familiar with, for maximum confusion. I've been called my first name (only the short version, of course) and my last name interchangeably.

But they ALWAYS call her "Chao."

Now, the thing about Melissa is that she's not the best worker. Oh, far from the worst, but she's at, oh... 90% of where everyone else is at. People have to help her on a regular basis. Now we, her coworkers, don't complain about that much. Having a 90% worker on her spot is better than having it empty, and we all know it.

But the supervisors? Oh, they hate her. They tried to fire her early on inside her probationary period only to realize they miscounted the days and they couldn't get rid of her that easily. They sent a supervisor out to yell at her multiple times, to the point that the customers called to report that she was being harassed. Whenever she calls in sick (which she does with a few hours of warning, which is better than is required), they only inform us at the last minute and say "she didn't show up," as if she's intentionally inconveniencing everyone else.

And they ALWAYS call her Chao. No matter how many times she asks to be called by her first name.

I'm honestly not sure they're doing it on purpose. They have just decided they don't like this girl, and therefore they punch down at her in every petty way they can. I'm pretty sure the only reason she's still around is sheer spite; quitting would be giving up. But she's never fought back. I mean, besides being careful to ask our union rep for advice on everything. She's a perfectly hard worker who sometimes grumbles a little bit too much, and yet the supervisors hate her and are doing everything in their power to make her job hell.

And that's what I'm reminded of whenever I see people complaining about some HR regulations, or "language policing," or "people just can't take a joke." It's always about the bosses punching down and complaining that they're not allowed to do something any more.

Our workplace has a very strong union, in a liberal city in a liberal state. Our union rep will fight tooth and nail to protect workers who she personally hates. I shudder to think what happens in other area without as strong representation.

And this is just one relatively minor thing employers can do. It's not even getting into sexual harassment, financial bullying, or unsafe working areas. Whenever I see a thing about getting rid of unions (or anything about gutting regulations, really), I want to scream.

But, I can't scream out loud, so I scream on the internet.

[mangodestroyer]

Did anyone else get some very unpleasant advice about "healthy lifestyles" growing up?

I mean, seriously. I remember being taught that "raw fruits and veggies", specifically "raw greens like broccoli, kale, and spinach" were the SUPERIOR way having a high nutrients, low calorie diet. SPEICFICALLY if you did nothing to flavor them/didn't dip them in anything (except maybe a tiny bit of peanut butter). Also, avoid red meats and eat unflavored, broiled chicken and fish. Only eat a tiny desert once a week. At most. Have whole grains instead of white bread. Get vigorous exercise 60 mins a day and make sure you're out of breath, sweaty, and in pain (if it stops hurting, you got too used to it and need to push yourself harder/change things up). Oh, and don't you DARE be fat! Don't even be on the high end of a "healthy" bmi (even if you're tall/built with a larger bone frame and bmi doesn't work so well with people like that).

Yeah, um, turns out this advice is actually pretty bad/doesn't work for everyone/sometimes causes more harm/is honestly kind of not obtainable for some people. I've tried doing this at various points throughout my life. It made me miserable and lightheaded and I never stuck with it for long.

For instance, some workouts I was taught in gym class are a big no-no, according to physical therapists. The one where you reach down and touch your toes can be very bad for your hips and tendons (that's why it hurts). Also, I remember being pushed to run very intensely/do stairs in a cold ass environment. I don't have breathing problems, but I felt like I did after the fact. I mean, I was straight up coughing and my lungs hurt. So, I assume that probably also wasn't very good for me.

Also, grains aren't always a great choice of food either. They're full of carbs and can put on weight like crazy. There's this thing called veggie bread and veggie pasta. They're better options and they also taste a hell of a lot better than whole grain (seriously, ew!) Plus, veggie pasta is colorful. That makes it look fun!

And also, it's true that raw greens are insanely healthy. But really? Would you die if you almost never had greens this way? You know, enjoying your time on Earth is also healthy, and I sure as hell do NOT enjoy raw, unflavored greens (and I'm a person who likes bitter things and vegetables). I won't touch them unless they're prepared in a particular way. Preferably cooked and with lots of spices.

Speaking of which, spices are very good for you and add tons of flavor to your food. So is vinegar (lots of flavor and no sodium). And cooking wine. And herbs. Now there's one way to make your cooked vegetables extra healthy!

Seriously, why go so overkill? You realistically won't stick to a strict diet and exercise routine. Imo, it's much better to find healthy options you actually enjoy. For me, it's always going to be cooked vegetables and raw fruit (or fruit juice). With TONS of spices and herbs and vinegar and cooking wine. I also like going on brisk walks now and then. I know I need to get more exercise, but I still just don't care to do something super intense on a regular basis (I have a retail job and it just won't work out/I need energy for school and work). I'd much rather do some simple yoga for my joints or something.

Also, red meat is not the best thing in the world. Overconsumption can be an issue. But... some of us also kind of need it. I get low blood pressure. I also have a monthly cycle. I also seem to need a higher calorie diet. Not having enough red meat can be bad for me. And no, supplements are not fool proof. You absorb more nutrients from food.

I get that heart disease, diabetes, stroke, etc. are problems in the U.S. But was this diet advice designed for someone who's genetically prone to having high cholesterol? Or who was born with a family history of some extreme diabetes? I've met people like that, and it does really suck for them. But also, maybe we don't need to design a diet for the worst case scenario for everyone?

You know, they also never really talked about stress enough. The harmful effects of it and all. Stress, and alcohol, actually cause a lot of America's top killers way more than people realize. And honestly, I can see it. I personally just don't feel very good if I've been super stressed for a long time. I mean, stress can literally cause me physical pain. And I feel like my body and mind don't function as well. It's too bad America just pushes people to have stressful lifestyles (60+ hour work weeks are becoming a norm, and I am just not someone who does well with that). Oh, lack of sleep too. Again, I can NOT function without that so-called "beauty sleep" (which is literally just the amount you're supposed to get).

I seriously need to find some people who obsessed with the laid back lifestyle.

[talenlee]

Decemberween, Twenty Twenty Threen

Hey are you new here? Statistically speaking, no, but I’m still going to act like you are.

Long and short! Decemberween is here! All normal article content is suspended! Story Piles are going to be about Christmas movies and Game Piles are going to try and focus on things good for social experiences around family gatherings!

You can press more to read more about the kinds of things you’re going to see this month, or you can just go ‘oh okay, I’m not going to get a weird long-form story about a magician who lied about attacking the Nazis.’

Every December, in honour of what I will generally refer to as ‘everyone is tired,’ but which, as a person with a job in education and in a very white culture really just means ‘The Christmas Season’ I take a step back from the regular writing. It’s not really a religious thing but it’s a time of year where everyone doing their jobs is very clearly expecting a long holiday coming up and therefore, nobody wants to start on any new or hard projects. Those are problems for January. On the other hand, if you’re in Retail, you work your ass off during this month, and you probably don’t have a lot of time for anything.

It’s a period where people turn to The Cultural Zeitgeist and you tend to get year end of lists, wrapups, things with a more chill vibe and I like that idea. Instead of articles about making characters in D&D, and closely examining game mechanics, or worldbuilding in a world you’ll never visit, or maybe places as they relate to materials and capitalism, or you know, the occasional article where I talk about how I’m probably more like John Wayne Gacy than I want to consider, I instead talk about just media. Specifically, free media, that you can consume, for free, hence ‘free media.’ It’s mostly online media, but there are some books and fanfictions mixed in there

I operate on the assumption that in December, you might have more free time, or interest in starting something long-form. That means podcasts with a lot of episodes, for example, or Youtube channels with big backlogs. I know the cruel pain of how I once recommended people check out Hannah Gadsby’s Youtube Channel only to find at the time, they’d made four videos total.

There’s a real concern with actually sharing this kind of thing here, you know. As a person who Makes Things On The Internet there’s a very real feeling hazard of letting you know the kinds of things I look at and share on the internet, because in so doing, I’m potentially exposing source material, and sending my audience away from me (the person offering a version of something) to someone else (the people who made the version that inspired my version). This is an anxiety that is also quite silly, but it’s not without some basis in reality.

Like, sometimes I’ll learn something from a random youtube suggestion, and talk about it on a place like Cohost, and someone will say ‘ah, you’ve looked at [thing].’ It irritates me because so often it feels like rather than someone trying to understand what I was talking about, they’re going a step beyond and trying to work out why I was talking about it.

That’s a really dumb concern on my part, but it still persists and it still irritates me, because man, I put a lot of work into putting words on the internet. Thousands of words a day! And feeling like that is being ignored and treated instead, not as the things I say, but rather as things to decode to determine what my media diet is can be awkward. It makes me feel ignored, and y’know what?

I don’t like that! I really dislike when someone’s response to what I say is ‘ah, but what if I ignore that?’ I get enough of that from students, and they’re paying me to put up with that!

I aim to put this out of my mind.

The disicpline I put my hand to in my PhD is autoethnography. Autoethnography is a way of examining culture through examining the individual’s experience of that culture, and it’s very deliberate in how focused it is on what you, as a person, do, with what you’re experiencing. You write about yourself and because that’s what your subject is writing about you treat that like it matters and like it’s worth respecting. Then, with that in mind you go back through and critically examine that writing.

This whole exchange therefore requires honesty, and part of that honesty is a need to be fearless. I need to admit ways I suck in order to do good autoethnography. And not just ‘I suck’ but rather being willing to specifically account as best I can and as actionably as I can the things about how I behave that are the problem.

Like how I just described ‘I don’t like it when I feel ignored’ in the above section, ya see?

With that honesty, then, and with a bountiful desire to share with you, I want to use Decemberween as an opportunity to talk to you about things that you can partake in. You don’t need to analyse them in depth, you don’t need to come to it with a particular mindset, it’s just stuff I like, and I talk a little bit about why I like them. It’s also going to take the form of some gratitude journaling: talking happily about people in this year, things that have been part of my life and reflections on what that means for me.

I think this is good practice! I like doing it! I recommend doing it. At least once a year.

Now shoo Coach Z out the door and let’s get to it!

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[gattmammon]

I'm like 75% sure my manager ignored my request to not work this afternoon because they were understaffed and then tried to make it look like I was the one who remembered it wrong

Not 100% but 75%

Me sherlocking my own manager under the cut

Facts are as follows:

- these specific Sunday afternoon work hours are extra w/r/t my regular work hours. With this Sunday morning my hours were like beyond done. Super done. I have literally worked like two extra days on top of a week that is already six days. I even woke up at 6 this morning!!!! I endured the agony of being the only fucking person awake on Sunday at 6 in AUGUST in probably like the entire fuckijg city specifically to be done faster and get out earlier!!!

- said extra hours are on a completely voluntary basis. They have to ask at the end of each month if and when we would like to do them in the following month. I have specifically said and decided that I take on way too many extra hours and I'd rather do less.

- since I was going to be on pto at the end of July, I was asked to set my hours beforehand, in like mid-July. No problems. Since I knew I was going to work a shitton during the week the whole of August, I asked for a lighter schedule on weekends, which included not working this afternoon.

- I reiterated this request AGAIN at the start of this week, got confirmation I was not included in the staff for this Sunday afternoon.

- however, the specific manager I talked to is now on pto herself. However-however, i saw her pulling up the turn sheet (yes they use a literal sheet. ITALYYYY) and she confirmed that I was NOT supposed to work (again. This is something that is largely decided BEFOREHAND).

- this morning I do the opening (I cannot stress enough how much I fucking WOKE UP AT 6) and guess what!!!! I'm in the staff this afternoon.

- I point this out and am told that I was ALWAYS marked as working this afternoon

- the Sunday extra hours printout appears during the workday marking me as working on all three of my assigned Sundays (as opposed to only two). Worth noting that said printout usually appears on like. FRIDAY before the first Sunday of the month at the latest. Almost never so late.

- now here's the thing. I distinctly remember the first manager asking me jokingly if I had changed my mind about Sunday afternoon because they were so badly short-staffed.

My suspicion is that Second Manager simply changed the service to make it look like I was included then put out the printout so it looked more legit. The printout didn't appear beforehand because they were so understaffed they were hoping until the very last minute that someone changed they mind and then when nobody did they just were like "oh Cat always works the extra hours on Sunday right, might as well".

Like. Maybe she genuinely thought I wasn't included as a mistake or maybe First manager made some mystery fuckup but the thing that gets me is that Second Manager did not say "oh somebody somewhere must have made a mistake". She said "oh YOU must remember it wrong". Like she was immediately defensive in insisting that I had agreed to do the hours and simply didn't remember when i DISTINCTLY KNOW that I walked to the Manager and told them "Ok I can do morning on Sunday 6 but not afternoon" like. Girl. What's more probable that I keeping track of only my own turns wrote it down wrong and formed a whole false memory around it or that there was a miscommunication in the office that handles the turns of 50+ people?

But the thing is if it had been her mistake then I would've been within my rights to be like "oh well. You fuck up you solve it. Bye" (which I would NOT have done!!! I'm nice!!!! If I had been told they were THAT understaffed beforehand I might even have offered!!!! But they didn't so I made fucking plans!!! With myself, but still!!! A plan is a plan!!!) But since she quickly deflected on ME, then it becomes MY duty to keep my word. Thats why I'm so suspicious.

[chocolatepot]

OP, I'm sorry to jump in because I'm sure you're going to get dozens of responses (and in line with them I'll tell you that I'm 36 and have been in fandom since I was 12), but I wanted to highlight a couple of things in your response to the ask that stood out to me.

With so many new queer shows (which is an incredible thing, btw), younger people don't really seem to understand that for most of our teenage/childhoods, we didn't have queer relationships to look up to. It's in really bad taste to mock queer adults for finding community in non-canon ships like Stucky in their adolescence because we wouldn't have had anybody to look up to otherwise. People have created a very dedicated community out of necessity, and that's why so many Stucky stans are so defensive.

Like Appleteeth is saying, we were actually there. We are by and large not only old enough to remember the 2010s and its slash juggernauts, but the 2000s and 1990s when queer shipping was often derided or harassed even within fandom. Queer people who just wanted to reflect themselves in the fiction they were reading were often relegated to the fringes of fandoms, required to use heavier warnings on their fics and accused of doing something wrong by "making them gay". AO3 was created in 2009 - several years before Winter Soldier! - in part because slash fandom's existence was so tenuous. You could be kicked off an archive if the canon het fans got sick of you or if a homophobic religious group pushed advertisers, so we needed a space by fans, for fans, that was explicitly welcoming of queer ships (and that's why even today stats from AO3 do not tend to reflect wider fandom when it comes to types of ships, just saying; I wish people would stop disregarding this when going ooooo fandom just likes men, look at all the m/m).

In other words, nobody is mocking Stucky fans for finding their own queer community in slash. They are mocking Stucky fans for positioning themselves as the first to find queer community that way, as deserving deference for it.

OFMD fandom is in fact made up of more older fans than others I've been in online. There are younger people in it as well, but nearly everyone I digitally rub elbows with on a regular basis is 30+. This is because we also spent years finding ourselves and each other in slash fandoms for shows that were never, ever going to make the queer ships canon, and then found this show that wrote pretty much exactly the sort of dynamic we were used to (oh, they're opposites? oh, they don't have solid/believable romances with women? oh, they immediately mean more to each other than anyone else? oh, they'd risk death for each other?) and then actually followed through instead of pretending there's no romance in it.

The reason we are so goddamn annoying and loud about how much we love this show isn't because we're teenagers who have lots of time on our hands to be stupid online. It's because we're middle-aged queers who see ourselves reflected in the text for the first time in our lives. And being validated by the cast and crew of a show we love this way for the first time in our lives, rather than laughed at by them as sad weirdoes who are watching it wrong.

OFMD fandom as an entity is very young. OFMD fandom as a collective is much older and reflects fannish history in a significant way.

Additionally, it was the dedication of fans in the 2010's that got studios to understand that there was a demand for queer shows/movies, which absolutely paved the way for the queer shows that younger people/newer fans take for granted (imo). OFMD and other shows like it would not exist without non-canon ships like destiel, spirk, stucky, etc.

Likewise, here I don't think you're entirely wrong - though as Appleteeth noted, our writer specifically wasn't even aware of queerbaiting, or I think slash fandom. I do think studios started to loosen up because slash fandom became more mainstream, and that's why we keep getting minor queer ships dotted here and there in the media landscape. However, again, we were part of the 2010s-era non-canon shipping. If you're saying that OFMD would not exist without these efforts, you're really telling us to celebrate ourselves. We owe its existence to a collective that we're part of, and what has been making us upset over the last week is the insistence that we're not a part of it and we owe deference to all of these fans who are younger than us and who have been in fandom for less time than us just because we are now into a canon ship, which is silly.

(Also, it's worth noting somewhere in here that HBO MAX did not act like they liked this show at all. We all found out about it via word of mouth. We did a ton of publicity for it ourselves, as did the cast and crew members who believed in it. We had to sit in limbo for over a month to find out if the show would get renewed even though it was breaking records in streaming because they simply did not want to seem to acknowledge or reward it. There was no publicity for s2 until like a month and a half ago. The success of the show is not a reflection of rainbow capitalism we're too young and stupid to understand - it's a reflection of how much we as fans loved the show and demanded more of it.)

Hey I’m sorry about your poll, I didn’t vote but when I looked and saw how many ofmd fans were getting death threats I stopped looking, so I don’t know much of what is happening, but I am sorry you’re sad. Fandom is supposed to bring people together and I feel like that girl from mean girls that just wants everyone to get along

First I want to start off by saying that people shouldn't send death threats unprovoked, that's doing a bit much for an online poll.

I think the main problem here is that a lot of OFMD fans are relatively young, and/or relatively new to fandom spaces, especially tumblr (from what I can tell). Tumblr has a lot of kind of unspoken etiquette, as do fandom spaces as a whole, and I think it kind of rubs years-or-decades-long fans the wrong way when people who don't understand the history and etiquette of fandom start acting in certain ways.

I also think that a lot of OFMD fans, again being younger and only starting to consume media and enter fan spaces in the 2020's, have no idea how long fans have been waiting and fighting for adequate queer representation. With so many new queer shows (which is an incredible thing, btw), younger people don't really seem to understand that for most of our teenage/childhoods, we didn't have queer relationships to look up to. It's in really bad taste to mock queer adults for finding community in non-canon ships like Stucky in their adolescence because we wouldn't have had anybody to look up to otherwise. People have created a very dedicated community out of necessity, and that's why so many Stucky stans are so defensive.

Additionally, it was the dedication of fans in the 2010's that got studios to understand that there was a demand for queer shows/movies, which absolutely paved the way for the queer shows that younger people/newer fans take for granted (imo). OFMD and other shows like it would not exist without non-canon ships like destiel, spirk, stucky, etc.

I feel like I'm rambling but yeah that's pretty much it. Younger people in fandom spaces should respect the literal decades of fandom that created the shit they take for granted. This was really never about the poll, it was about the disrespect OFMD fans showed towards Stucky fans.

[heyclickadee]

Thoughts on “Pabu!” (This got really long. As usual. I’m sorry.)

1.

2. It’s so sweet and wholesome and they have the choice to be at peace and they’re all so happy oh my goodness!!!

3. Sort of along the same sentiment as “Retrieval,” the emotional breather episode being one centered around the exploitation of child laborers: I don’t know what it says about how badly everything is going for all the characters in a series that the calm before the storm episode is one in which there’s a hugely destructive natural disaster in which a lot of people, including two children, almost die. Then again, the “almost” is probably the important part of that sentence.

4. On the one hand, it’s wild that this is happening in the same time as/concurrently with “The Outpost.” The emotional shift couldn’t be more of a 180. On the other hand, there is a strange sadness that runs under the surface all the way through “Pabu,” and the episodes directly parallel one another. Both feature the characters being taken to a completely new location, each one being directly opposite of each other (Deadly hostile Space Antarctica vs Warm Welcoming Space Paradise); Crosshair is taken to that new location by someone who views him as a piece of equipment and will only use his CT number, while Hunter, Wrecker, Tech, and Omega are taken to that new location by someone who views them as friends and who introduces them to others with their names; on arrival, both sets of characters are greeted by people who pretty much instantly welcome them as part of the community (in different ways, but the welcome is there in both cases) and show them around; and both sets of characters are faced with natural disasters endemic to the kinds of environments in which they find themselves and which also resemble each other to some degree (an avalanche and a tsunami) and have to try to save the communities who greeted them from the disaster or the after effects, to wildly different degrees of success. Crosshair and Mayday are on their own, and because Crosshair’s the only one trying to save Mayday and has literal negative support from everyone else on the base, he’s not able to save him, in the end. Hunter and the rest have each other, Phee, Shep, and the whole Pabu community, so they’re able to get everyone to safety in time and nobody dies. And, in both cases, the characters make seemingly final decisions that could define their futures at the end of each episode, with Crosshair choosing to kill Nolan and the rest of the batch choosing to stay in Pabu. There’s even a specific parallel between Crosshair and Mayday in the one episode and Omega and Lyana in the other. “Pabu!” It’s “The Outpost: Sunshine Edition.”

5. WRECKER BUDDY COME OVER TO MY PLACE I WILL MAKE YOU CHILI AND CORNBREAD AND PIE OF THE TIGER PIE AND TROUT AND MORE PIE AND HOMEMADE CINNAMON ROLLS and then probably have to crowdsource after that because you will eat me out of house and home BUT WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE NEVER FULL MY GUY THAT IS SO SAD. I mean, yes, it’s kind of a joke in the moment, but the fact that he’s always hungry? And. Like. Okay, here’s the thing—it’s not because the batch is intentionally starving him or anything like that. I don’t think anyone on the marauder goes to bed with a full stomach on a regular basis besides maybe Omega, and that’s a maybe, because it’s not as though they have a lot of money. And I don’t think it was the Kaminoans intentionally starving him either, not because they were being kind but because he was literally designed to be ridiculously strong, and you don’t get ridiculously strong by starving. But Wrecker’s spent probably most of his entire life living off of various kind of ration bars—food that’s prepared to be really nutritionally dense and life-sustaining, but not particularly satisfying. So he’s probably getting enough calories, but have you ever tried to live off of granola bars, power bars, jerky, actual rations, stuff like that? It’ll keep you going, but it’s not as though it fills you up. You’ll always be hungry.

6. Every time Hunter’s enhanced senses come up is a win in my book. I love that he’s a human seismometer.

7. “As a father, you couldn’t ask for a better place to raise a child.” *aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*

8. “I…have not heard her laugh like that…in some time.” *extremely distressed whale noises I am not okay*

9. Phee was really doing the hard sell for Pabu. I honestly really love that her motivation was really just trying to give Omega a chance to have a normal childhood and to give Hunter, Wrecker, and Tech the choice of living a normal life. She knows they’re wanted men on the run from the Empire AND their old boss, they’re her friends, she cares about their kid, and she’s pretty into one of them, so she decides that she’s going to take a risk by taking them to her own little personal safe haven and I love her for it. And I love the way that what we (and the characters) learn about her here really recontextualizes her actions and interactions with them in previous episodes.

10. Other people have covered this better than I could so I won’t dwell on it tooooo muuuuuuch, but Phee and Tech are so dang cute. I’m sorry. They’re adorable. And I love how low key it is. They’re not really together or an item by the end of the episode—it’s just her still being into him and sharing the stuff she loves with him, him learning more about who she is and being into her, too. It’s mutual attraction and a desire to spend more time together that could turn into something more. And the two things I really love about it most (besides that it’s cute and that it’s Tech who’s getting the romantic interest here) are that: one, Phee is a cool character in her own right and isn’t defined by being a romantic interest; and two, it actually fits pretty neatly into the arc that Tech’s been going through this season. Tech’s whole arc has been largely about having the opportunity to experience life as something other than the clone soldier he was manufactured to be. It’s having the opportunity to see the galaxy as being made of more than the republic, the separatists, or the Jedi, to explore cultures that predated them, to find a passion, to step up and be more of a parent, and so on. And having the opportunity to fall in love kind of fits into that, because that’s not really something (in my view) clones had much of an option to do. I mean, one night stands? Yup. Hook-ups behind a bar somewhere during leave (do clones even get leave)? Maybe some kind of long distance relationship with someone they met on a planet somewhere that inevitably falls apart because they’re never getting sent to that planet again or something along those lines? Sure. An actual relationship they can take slowly and commit to? Not a chance. I’m one of those people whose default state is to make everything platonic and to throw ace headcanons around like candy, but in this case? It’s nice that one of the clones has the choice to make a future with someone, if they want it. Especially since it’s not getting in the way of the characters, the already established sibling/parent relationships, or the story. Also, listen, if Phee wants a hot pilot boyfriend she can have one. She deserves it.

11. I’m really interested to see where the running thread of the existence of culture outside the war and importance of culture and people needing or preserving their culture and individuals needing their people and being reintegrated into their culture is going in the context of CF99 and their place as outliers in a culture that’s being killed off and only fourteen years old at most is going. Genuinely. It’s one of the most intriguing through-lines of this season.

12. I don’t know what’s going to happen to Pabu, and I don’t know that’s going to happen in “Tipping Point,” but I kind of hope the batch’s motivation to get back into things isn’t, say, the destruction of Pabu, but instead a desire to give people at risk the chance to find the kind of refuge they’ve been able to find there. I actually kind of wonder if the batch’s role isn’t going to be fighting the empire directly, exactly, once they do begin to take a more active role. Maybe between Pabu and getting Crosshair back (Jennifer please) it’s going to be finding and establishing safe havens for people trying to escape—clones, refugees, maybe even surviving jedi, anyone who needs a place to hide and live a normal life. But we’ll see.

13. Omega gets to have a friend! They were so cute!!

14. My sister said this episode kind of reminded her of “The Ember Island Players.” What she meant is that it’s the happy episode that occurs before everything falls apart, but. But. Can you imagine that a little more literally? CF99 going to see a cheesy fictionalized stage-version of their lives? Swap out, “Good soldiers follow orders,” with, “HONOOOOORR,” and you’re good.

[lemmesmoochdocock]

Lists | Otto Octavius x Reader

Rating: Mature 

Summary: Otto has freckles and you love to catalogue them

AO3 Link

You’ve always made lists, ever since you were a kid. Lists of groceries you need to buy, lists of books you’ve read this year, lists of things you really need to get taken care of before whatever upcoming thing you were using as a benchmark. Lists have always been good, they helped you find some order in a world that left you feeling lacking. 

You like keeping things orderly.

Loving Otto Octavius is pure chaos. You knew what you were getting into, falling head over feet for a super villain who robs banks and gets into fights with a snarky guy who runs around in spandex on a fairly regular basis, but you can’t help it because the idea of a world where you keep your life in order without him sounds like getting a hot fudge sundae without a cherry. 

So you keep making lists to cope with the sudden increase in chaos in your day-to-day life, but these are new lists. Lists of colors that look good on him, lists of things that make him laugh, lists of songs you catch him singing under his breath while he’s tinkering with something in the workspace he keeps insisting is too dangerous for you to hang around in. 

But your favorite list, the one you keep coming back to and you hope you'll be lucky enough to keep adding to for years to come, is the list of little details that just make you fall more and more in love with him. It’s long and it keeps you sane (and more than a little wanting) on the nights when your bed is empty and he’s out in the swirling chaos. The way his face lights up when he smiles, the shape of his nose (and how it feels when his face is buried in your neck), how safe you feel waking up with your head against his chest and the metal of his belt against your skin. 

And then there are his freckles. You could make a sub-list for his freckles. 

It’s a cold, rainy night and you’re curled into Otto’s side on the well-loved, admittedly hideous orange IKEA couch you’ve owned since you were in college. There’s a romcom on TV that you’re barely paying attention to because you can’t help but stare up at him when you notice it. A freckle you’ve never noticed before to add to your list, one at the corner of his eye, and you can’t help but grin a little as you take note of it.

Which is exactly when he turns his face towards yours. You’re never sure if Otto’s impeccable timing to look at you when you feel like you have the dumbest, most lovestruck look on your face is just him having some preternatural sense or if it’s one of the cameras in the arms tipping him off and him just needing to take a look for himself. Either way, you feel your face flush and your heart skip a beat, like you’ve been caught with your hand in the cookie jar.

God, you’ve got it bad. 

“Is there something on my face?” For all that his tone is as dry as the Sahara desert, there’s a twinkle in his eye, like he knows. 

“Maybe I just like your face,” you tease back before sitting up.

“More than you like Down With Love?” He gave you that look, one raised eyebrow and the slightest hint of a smug smirk on his lips, and suddenly any possible focus you may have had on the movie is gone. 

“Oh, definitely.” You pull your legs up, rising up on your knees before pressing a kiss to a freckle on his arm that had been hugged across your shoulder until moments ago before climbing into his lap and facing him. “I was specifically thinking about your freckles.”

“My freckles?” His eyebrows knit together and you can almost see the mental arithmetic of him trying to figure out where you’re going with this. You beam at him, like the cat who ate the canary in response, bringing one hand to lightly trace along his throat and collarbone as he places one large hand at the spot where your hip meets the small of your back. 

“Mmhmm,” you hum out before leaning forward and kissing your newest discovery lightly before whispering in his ear, “I think they’re cute.” 

You can’t see the look on his face, but you do see the way one of his arms cants its claw and you can hear his breath catch for the briefest moment. Did you mess up? You know you’re not his first love. It’s something you’ve made your peace with, that there will always be a part of him that belongs to a woman whose death weighs on him. Did she used to kiss his freckles? Did you just accidentally send him on a guilt trip? “Do...do you need me to stop?” You don’t mean to sound so far at sea, but you can’t help it as you mentally scramble to figure out how to make things right.

“No, please no.” There’s almost a growl to his voice, a rumble that makes you think of warm chocolate. Huh, interesting. You add that to a list for later, for a night when you’re alone with your thoughts and an empty bed and need something. 

For once in your life, you don’t have a quippy remark to shoot back and instead kiss further down, first on a freckle near his ear, then to the edge of his jawbone, down to his neck. His grip on you tightens, pulling you against his bare chest, and you smile against his skin. You want to live in this moment, curled into your love while the scent of his soap and metal and something else fills your senses. Or at least you do until you kiss against the freckle again, this time nothing as chaste or light as before and this time tasting him as you suck against his skin, only pulling away when you need to come up for air as he lets out a groan.

You pull back so you can look at him, really look at him. Otto gazes back at you, his dark brown eyes filled with a mix of desire and something almost giddy, his face flush, and he hits you with a smile that just makes your insides melt before bringing a hand up to your chin and pulling you in for a searing kiss that turns into two, then three, then his own trail down your neck to the crook of your shoulder. 

After a moment, after he’s kissed you silly and given you a mark to match the one you gave him, you adjust yourself in his lap and can feel the tent in his pants against you as a sound escapes his lips. It briefly crosses your mind to just drag him off to bed, but you can’t, not yet. After all, your list isn’t finished, it’s barely begun. Instead you begin to kiss the spots covering his shoulder and his bicep, before adjusting yourself again and beginning to kiss across his collarbone, tracing a path to the other side with light pecks and the occasional flick of the tip of your tongue.

You’re working your way over to his other shoulder when you make a new discovery: a freckle about an inch above his left nipple. It doesn’t surprise you exactly, you know that his penchant for going out with just a couple of layers of outerwear and a bare chest is fairly new, so there’s skin that’s getting constant exposure now that didn’t previously (and you make a mental note to add more sunblock lotion to your shopping list). 

You don’t kiss it. Oh no, you have thoughts, plans, machinations even. You lightly drag your teeth against it, knowing full well that Otto’s tits are fairly sensitive. He grips at you harder and his breath becomes ragged as you lavish the dot with your tongue, tracing a small figure eight going back and forth between his freckle and his nipple. If he was firm before, you can feel that he’s rock hard now, and you can’t help but notice how wet you are. 

You look up at him and see his head is thrown back against the couch cushion behind him, leaving his neck wide open as the actuators all stare down at you. After placing a kiss against his throat, something smaller and sweeter than what you had been previously doing, you reach up and place a hand against his cheek. He lifts his head and fixes you with a look before pulling you in for a kiss that’s somehow both rough and tender.

Before you know it, you’re being adjusted in his arms, held in a bridal carry as he rises off the couch. “Do you know how it’s going to look for a man my age to have an obvious hickey?” There’s no malice in his voice as he fixes you with an exasperated look.

“Extremely hot? At least you look good in a turtleneck,” you tease as you throw your arms around his neck, getting another kiss as the actuators carry you off to bed.

You add Down With Love to your growing list of movies you still haven’t finished with Otto.