#but you must know just how hilarious and absurd it is

[evelynpr]

Congratulations My Hero Academia for providing, possibly, the biggest and longest legit straightbaiting yet in shonen history.

Bonus points that their final chapter was released on yaoi day.

[chaoticallyfluffy]

I’ve been forced into reading Danny phantom fanfics because I’m desperate for Billy Batson content and for some reason half the stuff on ao3 is crossover stuff so I guess I like Danny phantom now?? Kind of?? I haven’t watched it and I don’t plan on it but I really like the idea of it.

Anywho,

Billy has maintained a very delicate balance of half truths and lies of ommision over the years to protect his identity as a literal child. He uses facts he learned from his patrons and his interest and knowledge in history, specifically Ancient Greece, to convince people he’s ancient.

Then one day this ghost guy joins the league claiming to be incredibly old as well except he just goes around straight up lying about stuff, saying whatever the hell he feels like about the past if it’s convenient to him or just funny. Most of it contradicts with the story Billy has been delicately weaving over the years and he’s kind of panicking.

One day he confronts the ghost guy and is like “I know your not actually ancient but I’m not a snitch, how old are you?”

And Danny kind of feels bad about pretending to be ancient in front of someone who has literally been around since at least Ancient Greece and confesses that he’s 14. Captain Marvel stares at him for a few minutes before breaking out in a big grin and transforming into a 12 year old Billy. They instantly become inseparable.

You’d think that Billy would ask Danny to stop lying all the time because it’s gonna get them caught, but no, he thinks it’s hilarious. Now whenever Danny says something absurd or directly contradictory of the actual history that Billy told them, they’re just like “oh yeah both of those happened at the same time but all the scribes were at the same spot so no one wrote about the other one and it was lost to time” or “there was a time loop for a good few years back in good old Greece so a lot of weird things happened that just didn’t stick.” Or “that did happen but only ghosts could perceive it.” Or sometimes, if they absolutely cannot get away with any other explanation, “dang must have dreamt it!”

The league is hopelessly confused and 90% sure they’re being messed with but they have no proof and if they look at the history at least MOST of the stuff they say is true so there’s really no reason to doubt it when Danny claims he once fist fought the god of time while the entirety of Rome cheered for him and placed bets, especially when Billy nods sagely and says he remembers having to clean up the space time continuum after the fight and that he lost the modern equivalent of ten bucks in the bet (he still doesn’t lie, just doesn’t disagree with the blatant dishonesty. He honestly did have to clean up the space time continuum multiple times after Danny messes with time a bit too much thanks to Clockwork + shenanigans. They make bets all the time too lol)

I think the contrast between ‘never lies’ and ‘lies all the time for funsies’ with the same motivation of ‘do the funniest thing possible at all times’ can be extremely entertaining and interesting.

[drowninginblox]

Never read Fanfiction in the Kitchen at 3am. Or do.

Kurt Wagner (nightcrawler) x reader fanfic Reader and Kurt or similar ages, GN reader (don't mind how gendered the German language can be!), Mutant reader, very self-indulgent, and fic awareness BTW You can put in any iteration of Kurt you want. I just have a '97 and Fox bias (Yes my taste is shit, why are you surprised??) Btw this is written in the second person POV. I am not sorry.

It was late. You should have gone to bed.. what? Three hours ago? But you were being f e d. Your fave just uploaded after a year-long hiatus for a ship that you knew would never happen- Nightcrawler X Reader.

You were sitting in the kitchen, kicking your feeding and giggling into the hoodie you were using as pajamas. Oh, the professor must be so disappointed in you. But who cares! If he wants to know that you think his lingering gase whenever he talked about Magneto was grounds for a classic case of internalized homophobia then that's on him. He wouldn't be looking into the hellscape known as your mind if he didn't want to know the absurdity of the X-Men fandom.

You only lurked from the sidelines, giggling at the headcanons and imagine scenarios that people made up for the majority of the X-men. The funniest were always Logans even though most of them are so well written. But now was not the time for that- you were indulging in your crush on Kurt. This author is characterizing him pretty well all things considered. I mean yeah, they emphasize the tail a bit, and don't really lean into his German but- you'll take what you can get. Most of these people are humans that don't really divulge into mutant territory. But you think this writer is one. It's either that or they've done their research. They really understand the struggle and don't shy away from the animosity that comes with living with physical mutations.

You take another sip of tea as you read, savoring the dialogue of the reader insert. This Y/n is hilarious but sensitive. "Whatcha reading?" You immediately close the laptop as you jump- almost spilling your tea as you see Kurt, eating a banana. You shakily put down your mug "Holy fuck Kurt-" You mumble, taking a breath. "You scared me! What the hell?!" He only laughs at your suffering, making you huff. "What are you doing up?" she asks lowly. Kurt's laughter dies down after a minute or so. "Oh, I was just hungry. And then I saw you! You seemed very invested in whatever you were reading. Was it saucy?" He mused, taking another bite of the banana. You sigh. "I don't need to tell you what I was reading, I just was." You defend as your mutation activates on its own. You, dear reader, can change color! Any color! But you don't control it all the time. Sometimes it reflects your emotions- like right now.

"That's a wonderful shade of pink you have mein bunter freund. Jetzt bin ich wirklich interessiert... What had you so invested?" Next thing you know, he's gone in a dark cloud. Then he's holding your laptop. Now he's sitting on top of the fridge. "Kurtis!" You nearly yell. "Give that back!" Your skin only grows into a hot pink. He only laughs from his position, opening up your laptop. "Come now it can't be that bad!" He looks down at your computer, reading the fanfic. All you can do is watch as his face gets closer to the screen. Your skin erupts in various shades of dark blues, purples, and greys while tears build in your eyes. Embarrassment and shame make lumps form in your throat. "I-I hope you're happy Kurt." You mumble as you walk away, not caring anymore about what he may or may not think of you because now he knows two of your biggest secrets. The first being you read fanfiction, and the second that you have a crush on him. Just great.

"H-Hey! Wait! Mein regenbogen!" You hear him call but you keep walking back to your room. This night can't get any worse if you just hide from it. Maybe tomorrow you can convince him to forget that this ever happened. Or maybe convince yourself that this is all a bad dream. He keeps calling your name until eventually he appears a yard away from your door, laptop in hand. "Listen I-" You take your laptop out of his hands. "First of all, I don't care that I like you-grabbing someone else's shit regardless of who they are is not cool Kurt. Second- I was not reading what you may or may not have seen and any mention of it that reaches me is going to equal to one hour of ass-kicking. Do you understand?" Kurt looks on at you, startled by the sudden hostility. "Kurt." Kurt blinks a few times before nodding. "Good. Nothing happened, I'm going to bed, goodnight." You manage to say before tears start to run as you rush to your room.

Before you can get inside, he grabs your wrist "Before you go- please- hear me out" You look at him. "Nothing happened Kurt-" "I like you too!" Your eyes immediately widen. Any words you had in store for him vanished, only replaced by awestruck stuttering. "Wh-what-" "I have loved you for years! I never knew you were interested let alone pining-! If I had known I'd have confessed to you earlier and I know that I shouldn't have taken your stuff, that was awful on my part. Es tut mir so leid, meine Liebe, bitte verzeih mir. Ich werde es auf jede Weise wieder gutmachen.-" You blink a few times before taking a hand, making him stop immediately. "Meine liebe... my love? You- actually?" Kurt nods. "Almost as soon as I saw you." He squeezes your hand. "I- I didn't think you'd be attracted to-" Your eyes widen even more. "Kurt! Don't you dare finish that sentence! You are so handsome! You're the most handsome man I've ever seen!" You confessed. His face becomes a darker shade of blue as you realized what you just said.

"I-I am the most handsome man... you have ever seen?" he mumbles. He takes a few moments to process that. "So... you.." You nod. "For little over a year." He smiles. You can't help but smile back.

Who knew life imitates fiction? Let alone fanfiction?

[accio-victuuri]

time to make lemonades again 🍋🍋

inspired by a previous post i made because something similar happened and here we are. i think that the negative take on these similarities is that the other person/brand is “copying” the other. or one is trying to rub off the popularity of xx. which is a common source of conflict between fans, not just xz’s or wyb’s. and since the topic is trending we have more information of these alleged brand traitors who feed the cpf machine. lol.

this post made by jeanswest with the kadian 10:05 for xz even if their endorser is wyb. tho i went to their weibo and didn’t see this post all when i was trying to confirm. so maybe it was deleted? the next one is hilarious cause they are implying that JW is taking inspiration from xz for their designs like the little prince and tennis. even if the whole line yibo is endorsing have nothing to do with these styles. AHHHH! they are so much better in connecting things that have no relation at all. 😂

and it’s so embarrassing how confident they are that this is copying. xz does not own TLP or the sport of Tennis. no matter how much they associate those things with him. atleast with cpfs, we can give disclaimers but solos being so sure that there is just no other way that an international brand can come up with these designs — other than them wanting to leech from xz is next level unhinged.

but still thanks for the candy i guess?

next up is, p1 a li-ning cap that has 85 on it. but it’s actually a back to the future themed drop. a film that was released in 1985. tho maybe they are angry cause li-ning is a repeat offender. p2 is opening of li-ning’s store and the lottery includes a chance to win a casio watch which wyb was endorsing at the time.

for xz’s zwiling endorsement before, one of the things highlighted by the brand is this machine. idk what. but it said something about brewing coffee at 97 and tea at 85. lol and who are associated with those numbers? wyb!!!! hahahahahahaha!!!!

sometimes i wonder who is the real candy lovin cpf.

moving on….

p1 is by kaixiaozao brand, they posted about a product that has dandan noodles that will make you think of the ancient times. dandan being something that is nicknamed for wyb, and ancient times pertaining to lwj and wyb. p2 is absurd, they are so angry at mengniu cause they replied to a cpf. yes it was xposted on the supertopic, but the account was asking a genuine question of how to purchase. so they answered. as much as so/os want the loyalty of these brands, their main goal is money. they will follow the money. that means more people buying their products. they didn’t choose xx or xxx out of the goodness of their hearts, their teams do research on who to hire and who can bring in more 💰.

another problematic thing done by mengniu before ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️

#strawberrymilkbobocup# I know this question! Strawberry and milk go together. It’s the most amazing combination. Let me tell you secretly, add some oats and the taste will be amazing. Someone: I want a strawberry custard cup, but not strawberry. No custard, just...

bobo cup 👀

and what that someone said. they don’t want the strawberry nor the custard/milk. so what does that leave us? Bobo 🤯🤯🤯

this post by i don’t know who that said for roborock, there are a lot of consumers, both peter pan and passion fruit. no lies tho. we do contribute to their sales. it has been that way for a very long time. all these talk of cpfs only love xx or xxx is brainless so/o agenda. they just don’t understand the fact that we can support both and we’ve been doing so for years now. they cannot comprehend it, so they twist it into a narrative that fits them.

lastly, p1 is by bubly and on the can has 85. p2 is zhenguoli and on the poster, they used lwj’s famous tagline ( i wanna take someone back… yep, the same one he said in ttxs )

i’m even seeing one shared the fact that xz allegedly rented a car that has 805 on the license plate. so he must be promoting cp right? 😂😂😂 idk.. maybe it caught his eye because of his boyfriend and didn’t think people will take photos of his car and license plate to speculate on. and their hateful interpretation of what we would say is CPN:

1. The license plate number chosen when renting a car is Wang Yibo’s birthday “805”

2. The name of the shoes worn has Wang Yibo’s abbreviation “Web” ( this refers to gucci re-web )

3. The photo XZ posted on that day ( when he was in Milan and only took photos of his shoes ) imitated Wang Yibo’s photo from last year’s GQ Gala.

Summary: If there is only a single factor, it can be explained as coincidence together, but so many "coincidences" gathered on the same day, it must be "intentional"! XZ has been using this method for the past 5 years … Hype male-male CP in a “both subtle and obvious” way!

I don’t usually post anti or solo rhetoric here unless it’s amusing and this is an example of that. lol. so they do believe those things are connected? that it’s too much of a coincidence???? it’s just that their conclusion is way off compared to a cpf’s. 🤣🤣🤣

that’s all i have for now. i skipped the others, and surprisingly a good number is how angry they are at li ning’s skateboard series. lol.

-END.

[ryin-silverfish]

LMK S5 trailer, Chinese pantheon infodump, and some ideas

…Man, normally, I feel the urge to write fix-it AUs after rewatching episodes and coming across particularly bizarre theories and takes, not before the new season's even out.

Thanks, S5 trailer.

Consider this your spoiler warning, because the rest of this post will all be my personal opinions about a few major story beats that were revealed + the rough outline for a fix-it AU.

It's also a bit ranty, and features some criticisms of the general narrative, so if that's not your cup of tea, feel free to avoid this one.

Li Jing becoming JE/the regent of the Celestial Realm is just hilariously absurd. I mean, it makes a teeny tiny bit more sense than the "Nezha will be the new JE" fan theory, but that's not a very high bar.

1) In-universe, he had done a grand total of nothing while shit was hitting the fan, and only showed up after it was all over. Which, tbh, isn't too far from his role in FSYY. No, wait, at least in FSYY, he killed Luo Xuan via a pagoda to the head, after the guy had all his fire-based magical treasures neutralized and taken away by Princess Longji.

Yeah, congrats, LMK's Li Jing, you've somehow become even more useless than your FSYY and JTTW counterparts——which is a true feat.

2) Even if someone's making him JE/regent, it wouldn't be the Ten Kings. To put it simply: the Underworld doesn't have that authority. They are the most pathetic of all divine bureaucracies, who pretty much only show up to get pushed around and revive the occasional dead guy in JTTW (and I still love them).

Like, they ain't no Hades or Satan. Just the 10 judges of the Dead People Supreme Court. To heavily paraphrase Di Ting in the original JTTW novel:

"How much power do Underworld gods really have? (幽冥之神，能有多少法力)" "...Certainly not enough to stop a rampaging demonic macaque who's as strong as SWK, if I say the truth out loud in here and piss him off. Just send them to the Buddha, please."

An analogy: if the Celestial Host is the imperial court, the Underworld is the ministry in charge of judicial processes and prisons. They don't even have authority over the imperial censors who answer directly to the emperor, let alone the power to determine a successor to the throne during a major crisis.

If this was to make the tiniest bit of sense, Li Jing would be the one commanding THEM, not the other way around. Or if it's Bodhisattva Ksitigarbha himself giving orders to Li Jing…for some reason.

But we know that ain't happening bc of the show's strange aversion to showing Buddhist deities on screen, not to mention it would be very OOC for Ksitigarbha, whose job is granting relief and salvation to souls in the Path of Hell, not judging and punishing them like the Ten Kings.

3) If you must make Li Jing the emperor/regent, you have a more mythos-accurate and obvious choice than the Ten Kings, considering you already got the Four Divine Beasts involved!

Yes, I'm talking about their bosses, the humanoid "directional + elemental gods": Lord Father of the East (Wood), Queen Mother of the West (Metal), Emperor Zhenwu of the North (Water).

No South though...because our mythos can't agree on a single directional god of the South, but for shit and giggles, just imagine Zhurong, Yandi, Huaguang, and the Star of Fiery Virtues all sitting on the same narrow bench, staring awkwardly at each other.

Maybe we can have Ziwei, Great Emperor of the Central Sky and North Stars, who is one of the Four Sovereigns(四御) in Daoism (two of which could also be an alternate choice, but maybe a bit too obscure for foreign audiences).

He commands the stellar deities and heavenly bodies——which the Four Divine Beasts would technically fall under, as guardians of the four quadrants of the sky, each in charge of 7 Lunar Mansions.

4) But if you already have these deities, why the hell would any of them make Li Jing the regent? Wouldn't it be more likely for them to create a Celestial Council of Regents themselves, with Devaraja Li Jing under their command as the leader of what's left of the celestial army?

Like, you can still have them, or one of them, going after the gang and ordering Li Jing to put the fillet on SWK.

I can see Zhenwu the Demon-Vanquisher doing that, since the fillet isn't too different from what he did to Huaguang and a lot of the demons he subdued in JTTN: feeding them magical water/fire pills that would corrode/ignite their insides whenever they tried to resist.

(Yeah, compared to that, the fillet would look like the lenient option, since it's just pain and won't actually dissolve/cook you alive from the inside out...)

And it wouldn't be bc he thought SWK was to blame for the Brotherhood's epic fuck-up...somehow. Like, what even is that logic?!

I mean, I can kinda see the Ten Kings doing it as a pre-emptive "Don't blame us for our shitty security, blame that guy over there!" move...except they are no longer answering to any higher authorities who'd hold them responsible at that point!

"What about Li Jing?" You may ask. Yeah, WHAT ABOUT LI JING? Why does Li Jing have to get involved in this?

If he's forcing the Ten Kings to pass judgement on the gang (which surely doesn't look like it in the trailers), why's he enlisting the help of the weakest faction and not, y'know, his celestial soldiers and other gods?

If the Ten Kings get Li Jing to be their enforcer...well, how the Eighteen Hells did they manage that? What could the Ghost Supreme Court and their crappy prison-torture chamber-soul customs office complex even offer Li Jing as a bribe?

And if their goals were to avoid responsibilities by blaming someone else, how stupid did they have to be to actively involve/create a higher authority who can punish them once the cat gets out of the proverbial bag, instead of, I dunno, just stay where they are and keep their head down???

So in my fix-it AU, it's more of a "Better safe than sorry" scenario, where every demon working for the new Celestial Council must prove their loyalty via swallowing the water/fire pill, now that even more dangerous demons have escaped and are running around in the aftermath of S4.

And Great Sage and company are not exempt from that new law either——"If you are truly righteous and Not Like Them and not planning to rebel, what's there to be afraid of?"

Horrified by the Demon-Vanquishing Mansion's 16th century standards of "justice" and "mercy", they naturally would not have any of it, and thus the conflict begins.

Not only would this show the fallout of Azure's misguided rebellion——that, in trying to make a better world, he had made it 120% worse for both humanity and demonkind in less drastic and more realistic ways aside from dooming reality to irreversible destruction, it would also help with the major show-not-tell problem about Celestial cruelty bc the "good guys" in power saw no problem with this kind of shit.

If you want your lawful antagonists who take Order to its extremes, the warrior sovereign in black leading an elite army of demon-hunters + penal legions made of "reformed" demons would be a better choice than the Ghost Supreme Court, don't ya think?

(Fun fact: in Zaju plays, Zhenwu was often said to be the boss of Nezha and Erlang, so him commanding Li Jing wouldn't be too out of place either.)

Now, you may ask, why do I even care? After all, isn't it clear that the show is neither mythos-accurate nor trying to be, considering the JE got K.O.ed by a Bodhisattva's cat of all things?

Not to mention the season's not even out yet, so why jump to conclusions so quickly? Maybe the actual episodes will have explanations that make sense. Relax.

...Cause I don't mind less-than-stellar animations if the story's good, and since I keep noticing the less-than-stellar animations, it clearly isn't good enough.

Also, it's not like it's only the implications that are absurd——my problem is with the whole premise of "Li Jing becoming the new JE/Regent" and "The gang is prosecuted by the Ten Kings for bullshit reasons, even though these guys should not, and never have the power to enforce anything over SWK."

I don't like calling narrative choices "wrong" per se, and prefer to see it on a gradient of "least to most narrative potential". When it comes to adaptations, if the option that is faithful to the original work will result in a less interesting story, then I'll happily take the one that isn't as faithful and takes creative liberties, but makes a better story.

And here, I feel like being faithful to the Chinese mythos inspirations will add to the narrative potential instead of subtract from it, and the idea they come up with kinda...goes against how Chinese pantheons work, in a very simplified and "westernized" manner.

Mostly bc I am a Chinese Underworld mythos lover and think they deserve better than being ominous Hades/Grim Reaper knockoffs. And out of all the possible Chinese gods, Nezha's asshole dad is the least qualified or interesting candidate to fill in the power vaccum left by JE's death.

[mjstral]

Meet Michiko!

Name: Michiko Ishihara

Age: 20 in the canon universe, 24 in my fanfiction

Affiliation: Black Oak, Amazzoni

Occupation: • flowerist (before)

• whatever the Amazzoni are lol (after)

Ability: the setting sun; it allows her to absorb the life energy of other living beings. If she absorbs too much energy all at once, she runs the risk of losing control. In this case her body can suffer serious consequences that often manifests as maniacal phases. To avoid this risk she always wears an obsidian stone around her neck which absorbs excess energy. If she absorb energy little by little she can heal herself and extend her life as much as she wants (to do so she must first remove the stone).

Love interest: Dazai ihih

Hobby: doesn't really have one and always complains about being bored

Likes: coffee, dogs, the sea

Dislikes: boredom, lemons, wasps

Personality: lively, confident, curious, sensitive, shrewd, spontaneous, witty, compassionate, honest, rebellious, naïve

Personal motto: life is painful and hilarious

More undercut

Trivia

• inspired by the real Michiko Ishihara, Dazai Osamu's second wife

• I decided to give her the biological surname of her real counterpart and not the surname "Tsushima" to make her character more independent from Dazai;

• irl Michiko was a teacher but BSD Michiko doesn't want to become one, plus she's not very good with children because she doesn't have any patience;

• her ability is inspired by one of the book of Dazai Osamu, The setting sun in which her best friend Kazuko is the main character

• awful sense of humour. Just awful.

• Clumsy, not in the adorable sense, in the sense that she falls, taking down with her the name of every saint she knows and whoever is walking with her to hold on to her

• Happy that life has no meaning because she believes that in this way the human being can be the architect of their own destiny, but at the same time she's suffocated by the absurdity of life

• Too sincere

• "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return"

• Mary Oliver poetry incarnated

• Sexy dumb bitch

• "the very reason to live is whatever you do that prevent you to kill yourself" (A. Camus)

• Crave a deep emotional connection with ppl

• Has a specific taste in men but can't recognise/explain it so if you aks her she'd be like:

"What's your type?"

"I like pathetic men."

• Parents issues

• Good and big heart but doesn't really know how to show affection (bc her father never did)

• Always down for throwing punches, but always tries to talk first

• Verbally attacks if she feels verbally attacked

• not to mention when she feels physically attacked

• Wants to understand people and why they do what they do, in fact it's hard for her to blame someone for their actions (unless they kill someone of course)

• Sees the good in everything, but it's far from being a soft character

• Sometimes she think she's God, sometimes she's a drama queen: "God's sense of humour is me", "but weren't you god?", "in fact I'm very self deprecating"

• Fear of abandonment but the one that makes you cry when you're alone bc you think about when shit will end so you self sabotage yourself and leave before you get left

• Michiko: I'm so wise.

Kazuko: You're a problem child.

Michiko: A wise one. I don't make the rules.

• naïve but doesn't seem to bother her

Dazai: why did you call me?

Michiko: I had nothing to do

Dazai: and I'm the one who came to your mind first?~

Michiko: yes, why? Oh, wait....... Eh, nevermind I guess you're right.

• she likes to give nicknames to people that think can represent their personality or traits.

Dazai: Bakazai

Atsushi: lil tiger

Murakami: mr. handsome asiatic (in Italian it's funnier)

Kunikida: kunikidazilla

•owns a motorbike. She bought it to piss her father off.

[joyburble]

Dongfang Qingcang asks Shangque questions a lot. It's a habit that we're shown he must have got into long ago, because he does it right from the start. He even does it with absurd hypotheticals:

(to which he realises he doesn't want an answer, and retracts the question before he gets more than a puzzled "Well …"). I'm sorry, this is going to be long, there's no way to avoid it.

He does it in cases where Shangque's common sense is practically useful:

(The answer "She's too cold" turns out to be correct).

He does it when there is a real mystery to solve. Here, Shangque's hypothesis is wrong, but it's as good a place as any to start an analysis that leads closer to the truth:

This is a good habit for a king to have. It's advised in the most famous work of the European Renaissance on how to conduct oneself as a head of state:

"... there is no other way of guarding oneself from flatterers except letting men understand that to tell you the truth does not offend you; but when every one may tell you the truth, respect for you abates. Therefore a wise prince ought to hold a third course by choosing the wise men in his state, and giving to them only the liberty of speaking the truth to him, and then only of those things of which he inquires, and of none others; but he ought to question them upon everything, and listen to their opinions, and afterwards form his own conclusions. ... he ought to be a constant inquirer, and afterwards a patient listener concerning the things of which he inquired; also, on learning that any one, on any consideration, has not told him the truth, he should let his anger be felt.

(Nicolò Machiavelli, The Prince, 1532, in my favourite translation by W. K. Mariott)

There's a very good reason why Shangque is the person chosen here. Consider this question, immediately after the last one:

That question is only worth asking because he already knows something else, in such a way that he doesn't have to think about it: Shangque does not lie. And this is not a hypothetical "would you kill me if?". It's a question about a recent manifest fact, a question to which Shangque must know the answer. Shangque does not lie. Therefore, he expects to get the actual answer.

I think it's an important character point, incidentally, that he habitually asks questions because he wants to know the answer. A lot of people in positions of authority habitually ask questions they don't want the answers to at all. It's tedious.

He gets the answer "Why would I kill you? You are the most important person for me. You are like a brother. I would never betray you."

Shangque does not lie. This answer also corresponds with what Xiao Lanhua has independently told him about Shangque: "I think he is quite affectionate towards you. He would never betray you."

Consequently, he accepts it as true. Even though he is hilariously baffled, at this point, on how to process it or what to do with it.

Black Dragon has, just by being himself in a crisis, put his shoulder to the icebreaking machine and given it a tremendous shove.

We know that the new information has sunk in, and been believed, because he acts on that belief for the rest of the story, not hesitating to show weakness and ask the questions that he really wants help with.

In the Human Realm story, Shangque is an absolute star. He does not hesitate to approach and offer support, asking what is on his lord's mind, and increasingly getting this sort of thing in response:

Shangque does exactly the right thing here and offers fellow-feeling instead of an answer he hasn't got: what he says is roughly "same here, bro, and I don't know either". The "wait, does that mean this is normal?" look he gets in response is just cute.

That look is also saying "?!? ... huh. That actually helped." And because DFQC's inner child is the kind of child who only needs to be shown anything once, he re-uses this discovery by giving exactly the same kind of support to Xiao Lanhua, not much later.

Shangque may not quite understand why all this is happening, but his observation is accurate and he repeatedly intervenes to help process the difficult emotions without disaster - even physically. And always patiently and kindly. (I found out how to GIF!!)

I especially appreciate Shangque's habit of basing his words and actions on the facts directly in front of him, rather than on speculation. He can see what is happening, and he can see what sort of support is needed, and it just doesn't occur to him to do anything other than give it.

Dongfang Qingcang continues to turn to Shangque for advice right to the end of the story, including this desperate"how can I fix this?" moment in episode 33.

Shangque continues to hold up his end of the conversation with common sense, integrity, and kindness, as best he can, and Dongfang Qingcang continues to listen carefully, apply his own, admittedly sharper mind, and draw his own conclusions - right to the end.

When there isn't a question, Shangque listens and says nothing at all. In this scene, Dongfang Qingcang moves his hands as he talks, which he very rarely does. He's being extraordinarily trusting here: very unlike his body language back in the "Why didn't you kill me?" scene.

This little movement towards him! 💔

When Shangque briefly regrets a truthful answer, and follows it with "I shouldn't have said that," it's not because he's concerned about any likely response, but because he saw that it hit home, and he felt perhaps it was unkind:

But he's right, and has very much earned the right to say "stop that". The response, after a moment, is this beautiful, wordless gesture in which Dongfang Qingcang serves Shangque's wine first, in a silent "No, you were right. I was in pain, and being a dick about it. And you're still here. I'm sorry. And thank you".

Anyway this is a beautiful relationship which develops, with some really nice writing and acting, tells us a lot about both characters, and deserves some appreciation.

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest - Vol 16

Howdy folks,

I went into a state of psychosis this week and read a truly absurd amount of fics... again. I don't even know where I'm finding the time, truly, but here we are. I didn't spend as much time keeping up with the WIPs I'm reading, so honestly that's probably it. Also I had a lil monsterfucking moment one day this week. I'll highlight those green so if you want to avoid reading the summaries/thots on those they're easy to spot.

You can find my Spreadsheet here and all my previous recs here! Do feel free to tag me in your works and I will happily give them a look and most likely you'll see them here the next week!

Recs below the behind the scenes Joel!

SNAFU - a Frankie series by @theywhowriteandknowthings

The Triple Frontier boys as Shifters!!! This honestly makes so much sense? Like they work SO well with this dynamic. I adore Pope and Reader's bond like right out of the gate. What I really, really fucking loved though was Reader and Frankie, of course. I love how they characterized him and I really love the way that Frankie and reader bonded over time. Frankie being grumpy is so fun lol. A lot of the little details in this fic are what really make it good, ya know? The pack dynamics, the bonding moments, the badass reader, reader's uhhh issue (spoiler, I think, so I'll be quiet here) but yeah. Just. Wonderful. Can't wait for more.

only daddy that'll walk the line - a Joel one shot by @millerscoffee

So this request was sent to two different blogs and I read them both and loved them both. I read this one first. I really fucking loved Reader's dynamic with Joel in this. Joel is such a dick lmao. I thought the situation with reader's dad was done well and I also loved the hinting at Joel's trauma. And of course... the smut. God that was hot. Joel is so fucking dominant. The spitting? please. and Reader keeping up the brat thing just really fucking makes it. She needed Daddy Joel to make her behave lmao. SO GOOD

Little Bee - a Joel one shot by @atticrissfinch

And this is the other version of this request that I read. I related to the specifc brand of Daddy Issues in this one lmao. Dad who doesn't want you so you look for a protective older man (why am I like this). I loved the way reader antagonized Joel in this. The denture comment is hilarious. The bee motif is fuckin great, also. I like that Joel kind of initiates things in the mess hall. The smut is so god damn hot man. Like jesus fucking christ. And then the post nut clarity really made me giggle. "should not have done that" PLS

Closer - a Joel series by @beardedjoel

Hot neighbor!joel!! This is a smut marathon style fic with a good bit of feelings. The smut is sooooo good!! I really liked her friend Sofia too. I'm about halfway through this and I can't wait to see how reader and joel's relationship develops!

Rises the Moon - a Joel one shot by @psychedelic-ink

(monsterfucking, but you're the monster! also monster is being used very loosely here) mermaid reader x lighthouse operator joel!!! I really enjoyed this. The mermaid reader was super interesting. I wanted to know more about her background, honestly. And the way poor lonely Joel so desperately wanted to care for her UGH. It was seriously lovely. I also really liked how reader didn't commit to like... giving up being a mermaid for him (even just once a month), and he didn't ask her to. The ending is really lovely. (And the smut is hot idc if I couldn't quite imagine how it worked, it was perfect).

Playing with fire - a Joel one shot by @beskarandblasters

Super hot smutty lil dad's best friend one shot. I love when Joel gets all pissy. Makes me want to tease him even more lmao

Cupid's Chokehold - a Din one shot by @deathwife

I haven't read a body swap fic before and I must say the dynamic with it being Din, so reader can't see his face even though it's her face, and also the smut was just like... really good. I was fascinated the whole time + the smut was hot as hell. It's really fun to read it from the perspective of the dick owner lmao. I really adored their relationship and just overall thought this was lovely. Reader calls Din "Djarin" so if you're like me and marrying Din would give you an awful name (Din Gin....), you're not alone. <3

I think i know - a Joel one shot by @pascalisbaby

OMG Reader's sister is so mean in this she fucking deserves Joel cheating on her. Yes this is Sister's Husband!Joel. And yes it's really fucking hot. Reader is a menace to fucking society in this prancing around half naked and seducing a married man and I support every second of it. I know what Joel said at the end but I think he'll be back for more....

close your eyes, pay the price for your paradise - a Joel/Tommy series by @ozarkthedog

Raider (?) Tommy and Joel are so fucking hot. Read the warnings on this one kids, it's gonna be a rough one. Nothing happens in this part though, really. Basically you're stranded on the road (post outbreak / pre tess) and Joel and Tommy roll up in their truck and take you to their cabin.

a day in the filth - a Joel one shot by @toxicanonymity

This is pure filth, as the title implies. It would seem you're Joel's little sex toy, essentially. Brat tamer!Daddy!Joel. There's a lot going on here and it is all unreasonably hot.

Bodily Exchange - a Pero Tovar one shot by @absurdthirst

I finally caved a read a mafia fic and somehow it wasn't Joel. I really loved how much of a fucking dick Tovar was and how bratty reader was. The end was so much sweeter than expected, which was a nice surprise. Such a filthy fic with a sweet happy ending!

New York or Nowhere - a Joel series by @beskarandblasters

BODEGA JOEL!!! I love when you're trying to help your friend come up with a fic based on a very specific request and somehow you come up with a completely different fic altogether. New York transplant Joel owns Beldro's Deli. You think he's really hot but your friends think he's a creep. I personally think if he's a little bit of a creep that just makes it better, but then again I'm a little insane <3

Shiver and Shake - a Joel one shot by @multiversed-daydreamer

I have ADHD and literally do the thing where I have thought spirals during sex. I loved this take on that experience and mean ol dom Joel being there to bring your focus back where it belongs (on him). Super fucking hot ugh. And it was their first TLOU fic and I thought the QZ Joel characterization was spot on <3

Roads - a Joel series by @milla-frenchy

Baby's first fic!! So you grew up with Tommy, best friends and all that. You get to know Joel as an adult and there's a spark right away. The first installment here takes place 3 years before present day, after Joel breaks your heart and you literally move to get away from him. The promise of so much angst has me salivating almost as much as the really hot smut.

Promise - an Ezra one shot by @criticallyacclaimedstranger

MONSTERFUCKING! I had a little binge this week.. you'll see. Anyway Ezra is a literal actual dragon in this with a big ol dragon dick and everything. This fic includes so many wild ass kinks I simply do not (or did not know I?) have. And yet I still loved it. Thought it was super fucking hot. I really liked the imagery of the castle and the bedroom. Also the end was kind of sweet?

Common Courtesies - a Din one shot by @juletheghoul

More monsterfucking -- demon!din! I fucking love Pride and Prejudice. Jane Austen in general. Mr. Darcy is one of the literary loves of my life. This little Pride and Prejudice-esque Demon!Din fic hit every mark. I loved it so much. Din is so charming and mysterious and sexy ugh. I would marry him in a heartbeat.

Solum - a Dave York one shot by @ezrasbirdie

You guessed it! Monsterfucking. Demon!Dave York!!! I really enjoyed the blending of the movie plot with the demon arc! It was so well done!! Dave was super sexy in this ugh. I too feel a strange pull toward extremely dangerous men covered in blood. Reader gets me. I am her. She is me. Demon!Dave can take me as his little human sex toy any day, idc. I also kind of loved that he was so sweet on Carol in this? Like usually in Dave fics he kinda hates her or cheats on her or she's his ex, but in this one the whole catalyst was keeping her and his girls safe. Very sweet.

Sell My Soul For You - a Marcus P one shot by @absurdthirst

--monsterfucking-- Marcus is so sweet. So sweet that Reader is getting a little aggravated he can't be a less sweet in bed. (Girl have you tried like... talking to him about it?) Anyway, sweet, impulsive, reckless Marcus finds out you feel this way via buttdial and does he like... work on it with you and slowly learn to be better? No. He goes out and sells his soul to a demon to be a better Dom. Idiot. He's cute tho, so I'll let it slide. The smut is super fucking unreasonably hot, of course.

Bad Moon Rising - a Jack series by @wardenparker

--werewolf!Jack-- This fic is actually so fucking sweet!! So part one, Reader doesn't know Jack is a werewolf and he just kinda shows up on her ranch and they hit it off immediately. There's lots of lovely animal references and stuff and it's all really hot. I love the plot too!! this is not just werewolf porn! Shit is incredible! I love the characterization. But anyway if you're not into monsterfucking just read part one. Part two tho... oh boy. Full on werewolf sex. And reader has a kink for it! She's just like me fr.

Kudzu - an Ezra one shot by @beskarberry

--weird alien hybrid ezra-- I have lots of emotions about this fic. First of all, read the warnings. They're extensive and they're there for good reason. I love a good horror fic, which is kind of what this felt like? Like the weird tension and unknowing and the freaky way Ez is talking and that arm. I was thoroughly freaked out (and I love that!!). There were so many clever and interesting things going on in this fic AHHHH, Oh and the ending is just like super sweet and wonderful and so good? The end balances out the kind of horrific nature of the rest of the fic. Also if any of that sounds insulting I really don't mean it that way, I promise. I went in to it expecting to be freaked out and it delivered so well.

Yes Father - a Joel series by @chloeangelic

Your boring catholic husband doesn't fuck you right and you really want to leave him, so Father Joel helps you satisfy your needs so you don't destroy your marriage and go to hell. I love blasphemy. It's hot idc. I think my favorite thing about it is Father Joel randomly admonishing you for foul language and taking the lord's name in vain while he's literally got some part of his body buried in yours. I giggled. I really adore this. It was super fun and super hot.

Pillow Talk - a Joel one shot by @theboredinsomniac

Joel is soooo the jealous type. This fic is basically y'all having an adult conversation about him being an insecure jealous little bitch and it's got the most adorable ending.

Born to Run - a Marcus Pike series by @whataperfectwasteoftime

Penny's Marcus is just perfect. Every damn time. Unless I'm mistaken, this was her first Marcus fic? I was in the mood for a sweet multichapter thing with some hot smut and I was sooooo not disappointed by this. I'm on chapter 8 now, so about halfway through. Marcus is so sweet and precious and still impulsive as ever, but unlike Theresa, reader is right there with him. I really adore that this fic takes place in KY (and it really captures the vibe of Kentucky too) since I'm from there! I very much do not relate to the fact that reader is a marathon runner, but that's okay. I think it's really cool and I love the way they meet and that Marcus isn't fully a white knight? She can take care of herself. Super fucking cute fic ugh. Oh yeah and the smut is to die for jesus christ Marcus is hot.

----------------------

Happy Reading!

[elliwiny]

TLDR The Musical Chicago Taught Me About The Terrible Societal Pressure to Perform Gender Way Before I Really Understood What That Even Was

So it's Pride Month! And I've been listening to Chicago basically every day because it's exactly the length of my commute right now so I wanted to write about it.

I didn't grow up questioning my gender, and I guess my sexuality was 'I'll worry about that when I'm older' - until I got to my 20's and hit the 'oh shit, I haven't got the feelings I'm supposed to have, is something wrong with me?' phase of my existence.

Bringing it around to Chicago - I mean, look at her! It's Catherine Zeta Jones! Everybody is a little attracted to women, right? They're supposed to be hot! That's just how it is!

Hahahahaha.

But other than my hilariously delayed lesbianism I think Chicago stealthily gave me a primer on the fucked up ways our society enforces gender performance. Because you don't have to be trans to be in a situation where your life depends on giving 'em the ol' razzle dazzle.

The protagonist, Roxy Hart, is an asshole, a murderer, and kind of a ditz. Most of the criminals are right assholes, some are more sympathetic, and one is even 100% innocent! Aside from the innocent Hungarian, the thing the prisoners have in common is that they were boxed in, and were driven to violence after being pushed too far.

Whether 'too far' is justified is immaterial to the point. They became outlaws, and must perform womanhood to win over the court of public opinion and earn their 'not guilty' verdicts. And it's not just the kind of performance where you have to color inside the lines to not come off as weird, it's the kind where you dance and contort for the entertainment of the people who get to decide whether you get to live or die.

In Roxy's case this is kind of awesome. She's always wanted to be a star and with the power of hot-headed cold-blooded murder, she's stumbled ass-backwards into an unexpected avenue of fame and attention. She's determined to do this well, not for her survival (she doesn't appreciate the gravity of the situation, yet) but for a way to launch a career as a singer.

I mean what's Roxy's other choice? Go back to Amos? The guy who affectionately puts her on the same level as a housecat in his song? He's not the one who 'pushed' her, poor guy can't push anybody to do anything, but that's not even an option she entertains. I used to think he was one of the few good people in this movie/show, but it became pretty clear to me that devotion isn't the same thing as love.

Anyway, enter Billy Flynn, famous lawyer and expert ringmaster. In the song where he talks to the press, they do this cool thing where the reporters' initial questions don't follow the melody at first. As Billy crafts Roxy's story they quickly fall into the structure of the music, too. They draw the conclusions he wants them to, too. "Understandable! Comprehensable! Not a bit reprehensible, it's so defensible~"

Roxy's cover story is absurd, by the way, but it ingeniously plays to her type. She's a ditz but she's not naive, she has incredible natural instincts for the game she's playing. (Well, when it counts. She is resistant following the script, which sometimes gets her in trouble)

Roxy's innocent veneer plays contrast to the Hungarian, who becomes the first woman in the county to be hung for murder. She can't speak the language, literally, which locks her out of being able to play the game at all. In the framework of Roxy's imagination, we see the Hungarian's death as another performance... Because it is!

If you cannot perform, a narrative will be assigned to you and we will cheer for your pretty corpse. The metaphor could not be more clear. This is when shit gets real for Roxy, too.

Velma Kelly is also a good performer, who knows the game, but she has a disadvantage to Roxy. Her story just isn't as good. Nobody really believes she didn't do it, she's already so entrenched in the circus of jazz and liquor and sin that sentencing her is the least interesting outcome. I think that's why she gets away with shit like 'oh I blacked out I can't remember a thing' and getting her charges thrown out in exchange for her testifying against Roxy.

After all, she can't do it alone ;) if she didn't suck up her pride and embrace the pivot to playing the heel in Roxy's story, I bet she'd be hanging, too. Or at least, destitute.

They're both discarded by the public as soon as the verdict is passed and there's fresh blood to gawk at. The only way they survive as independent women cast outside the protections offered as stifled housewives is to embrace the world of Jazz, liquor, and sin... and most importantly, the narrative of the rivalry that they perform for those roaring ding-dong-daddies.

And it's not so bad, because that's what they both wanted, anyway.

[chronicbeans]

Now that we, humble anons, have your approval, i would like to request romantic headcanons for Home. I'm not even attracted to it i just think that'd be hilarious to read, and... Good writing practice i guess? 😂

Surprise me!

Lol! You'd be surprised by how useful it is (at least for me) to try writing the most absurd things and taking it seriously. (Would that count as crack taken seriously? Lol)

Anyways, Here you go! These will probably be one-sided romantic on Home's end.

Romantic Home Headcanons:

TW:... Idk, Home's a literal living house? If you don't want a house crushing on you don't read- but seriously I don't believe there are any triggering topics in this. Lol

🏠 So, like... I have two questions for you. A. How did you get a living house to have a crush on you? B. ... HOW DID YOU GET A LIVING HOUSE TO HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU?

🏠 Like, in this case (because it is not a yandere or anything), it is okay. The most awkward parts are just that, again, it is a living house. It also isn't even YOUR house. It's your neighbor's house. So... visiting Wally is a bit awkward everytime. Especially since he seems to be trying to get you and Home together... Look, he just wants his house to be happy, alright?

🏠 Home doesn't know that you know it has a crush on you. To everyone, however, it is very obvious. Home is usually a very "shy" house, as in, it doesn't interact with people often besides the creaks and groans it emits from the wood. It usually only interacts with Wally, and only when it is just the two of them. Home DOES interact with you, know. Quite a lot, too. This amount of interaction, alongside the small amount of expression Home can make from the outside with its eyes, has clued basically everyone in on its feelings for you.

🏠 So, how does Home interact with someone? From one of my VERY old Headcanons, I mentioned that Home can move the furniture that came with it when Wally moved in. This includes things like the curtains, the couch, the blanket draped across the couch (which Wally liked enough to begin using as his bedsheet. It is very soft, surprisingly!), and even a few of the chairs. So, Home uses whatever it can move around to interact with you!

🏠 You tend to do some chores around Home whenever you visit. Wally takes good care of the house, but even he can't help missing a few spots when cleaning. It's almost like he goes into chaos mode when he paints. He'd be painting in the little studio he has, then by some miracle, there is paint splattered all over the kitchen. So, you try to help out while you can. Home is a living being, after all. Feeling dirty and not being able to wash off must suck.

🏠 It was after a few of these times that you began noticing Home being more affectionate. One day, while washing the wall by the windows, you were suddenly wrapped up in the curtains, almost like a blanket. You were let go as soon as they wrapped around you, but it did make you a bit confused. Was that a good or a bad thing? When you told Wally what happened, he simply cooed "AWWW! Home likes you! Yay!"

🏠 If you had to make a guess, all of the cleaning, decorating for holidays, and overall time spent in and around Home made it like you. You come over more often than the other neighbors, just to help Wally care for it. You even came up with the idea of celebrating the day Wally moved into Home, almost like a birthday! Home doesn't really have a birthday, but everyone else does, so why can't the neighborhood come up with a holiday just for Home? Home must've found it sweet and kind of you!

🏠 Now, everytime you visit, you are usually hugged (wrapped up in curtains or blankets), snuggled (wrapped up in ANYTHING Home can wrap you in, all at once. You usually look like you are in a cocoon), helped out with chores (random doors in Home will open, helping you find things, such as carpet cleaner, sanitizer, brooms, and mops), and thanked for your work (the random creaks and groans that Home tends to emit. They freak you out)! It isn't much, but it is all Home can do. For now.

[lastweeksshirttonight]

Did you want my notes on Strike Force Five episode one? No? TOO BAD! YOU'RE GETTING THEM!

(Heavy spoilers for episode 1 if you plan on listening soon!)

- I love the show's overall vibe and the "roles" that all of the guys play. It's definitely a free-wheeling, off the rails kind of show, where everyone is rambling over each other; the personalities involved can make or break this kind of podcast, and everyone thankfully is playing to their strengths.

Kimmel serves as the overall show runner and is seemingly the only one endeavoring to keep anything on track, which is a slightly thankless job with this group, but he's got a soundboard and all his radio experience guiding him. Colbert also leans into being the other "elder statesman", as it were, but is much easier to derail (and provides his own episode eclipsing derail I'll talk about later). Fallon is surprisingly reserved and a bit awkward - I'm not the hugest fan of Fallon, but in this podcast, that energy serves him pretty well. Kimmel introduces Seth as "the cute one" and he seems the most neutral so far, just there to ask questions and crack jokes. And John is their super sarcastic "evil teammate" who occasionally interjects to just destroy everyone. Perfect dynamics, 10/10, no notes.

- Seth qualifies his eyes as ocean blue. John says they're Gatorade blue. I don't think I've ever laughed harder at a description of someone's eyes.

- There's a point where I assume there must have been a really blunt edit, because Fallon changes the topic abruptly to having a doctorate. Otherwise, I love the image of Fallon just sitting on that revelation and WAITING, BURSTING to talk about how he has a doctorate, while everyone else talks about Kimmel getting paid summers off.

- Everyone mention multiple times that they have sponsors and are doing this show to help pay their staff during the strikes, which is lovely. This does not mean they aren't taking the piss out of their sponsors. I never thought I'd hear worse ad copy reading than I do on The Jeff Gerstmann Show (I love Jeff, don't get me wrong, but his ad copy screaming is hilariously bad), but the Casamigos ad in this is something else. John spends most of his reading time shitting on a bleeped-out competitor that he calls "not fit for human consumption", Stephen says "you're gonna wanna wipe your ass with it" and likens it to the smoothness of sheets you make love on, there's a disembodied "woo" at some point, Seth stumbles all over a few Spanish words, and Fallon delivers his lines in his awful fake French Timothee Chalamet puppet voice. It's pure chaos and I love it so much.

- Kimmel referring to "the despicable Matt Damon" made me so happy.

- John has never done a deposition. Kimmel saying "I'm surprised you're not in prison" gets lost which is sad, that's a fucking hilarious joke.

- Fallon tells an amazing story about his mom being a nun for a week. She left after being reprimanded for taking Lifesavers into the nunnery and then left. My late aunt and best friend, who was also a nun, probably would have loved Jimmy's mom, as she was always going on wine tastings and picked the order she joined entirely based on who would let her continue to drink after taking her vows. Jimmy also has a picture of his mom dressed as a nun holding a doll dressed as a nun, which is absurd and adorable.

- This leads to everyone but Seth confessing that they'd all thought about becoming priests at some point. That doesn't shock me about Stephen at all, tbf, knowing how religious he is.

- I have to shamefully admit that when John mentioned that he told his father he wanted to be a vicar, my brain went to an extremely Fleabag place and I had to rewind the podcast once I snapped out of it and realized I'd missed like 3 minutes of jokes (including a fantastic one from Seth about John having a doll of himself as a child, like Fallon's mom's nun doll).

- "Don't you want a whole new crop of relatives to visit and entertain?" "Do you wanna get cancelled?! :D" The two Jimmys everyone.

- Stephen reveals who he has everyone saved as in his phone, to prevent people from figuring out who his contacts are if his phone gets stolen. John's is Joliver, which 1) was his name as written on TDS scripts to differentiate him from Jon Stewart, and 2) as everyone points out, is a VERY easy code to crack. Don't really need Sherlock for that one.

- ONE OF US ALERT: Stephen collects weird late night shit, like a hat from The Chevy Chase Show (John literally goes "WOW") and a silk jacket from The Pat Sajak Show. I am very jealous of this collection.

- Next episode everyone will talk about first episodes. I cannot wait to hear John talk about how all over the place his first episode is.

- The big story, running joke, and completely wild admission from this episode - Stephen Colbert has a pair of Nicaraguan dictator Anastasio Somoza's pants. Fallon asks how no one outbid him, and it turns out his MOTHER had them BECAUSE SHE DATED HIM. His uncle went to LaSalle Military Academy with Somoza, and Somoza stayed with them during holiday breaks. Everyone else in the room picks up on the idea that Stephen's mom probably slept with a dictator (or as Kimmel says, "made love to a murderer"), Seth claims his mom drinks coffee out of Ferdinand Marcos' skull, and every other male figure Stephen brings up for the rest of the episode is assumed to be someone his mom slept with.

If you asked me before listening to this podcast if I thought there were going to be a pile of elevated "your mom" jokes holding it together, I would have pretty strongly said "no". Surprises at every turn in this pod.

The beginning of this story also captures John SO STRONGLY, and he wants to hear everything about it. Definite Bugle vibes there, this man will never not want to hear about weird dictator facts. He also manages to completely kill Seth by saying "Anastasio Somoza's pants, brought to you by Casamigos".

- Finally, I have already sent an email to the show asking about Planet of the Bass, to make up for my complete failure to ask at the Q&A. I got y'all, we'll get this answer some day.

[ladyloveandjustice]

2023 Anime Overview: SHY and Migi & Dali

SHY

Premise: In a world where every country has a superhero, 14 year old Teru is Japan's. Her hero name is Shy, and that's exactly what she is-- she's a bit of shrinking violet at times and deals with social anxiety, which makes the public part of being a hero a struggle for her. But with a mysterious boy going around and turning people's hearts and pain against them to make them into dark, painful threats, she and the other heroes are going to have to step things up.

SHY is very much a magical girl show with am American-style-superhero coat of paint, and that's really what draws me to the series. Powers are based on your heart and emotions, the heroes friends and loved ones have their pain and despair manifest as terrible powers when induced by an outside force and then our heroes having to reach out to these people with love and compassion...it is so magical girl core. There's even a magical battle where mother and daughter must reach out to each other!

Also very distinctly magical girl-esque is how a lot of the series is focused on Teru and her cute girl bff having yuri undertones. Said friend calling out her name even activates Teru's "heart" and her powers truly awaken. IDK Teru that's pretty gay.

It does some things that are cool to see in a superhero show- like centering female characters and featuring a disabled superhero. This Anifem article also has an interesting take on one of the fights.

It's also not overly fanservicey so far either, though Teru mentions once that her leotard is skimpier than she's comfortable with (apparently magic assigns them their clothes) which sucks, (and it highlights her rear more than I'm comfortable at times considering her age). Let her have pants! But hey, after dealing with MHA's bullshit, I'll count my blessings that it's a regular leotard.

SHY is often a little silly-- the fact that apparently every country getting a superhero ended ALL WAR somehow is so ridic it wraps around to being endearing. It's also engages in some national stereotypes --for instance the Russian superhero who is Shy's mentor whole schtick being that she's always drunk (but you see it's okay because her alcoholism is based in her childhood love for her parent and she's fine and). There's a weird moment where an adult acts like she's going to kiss a teenager as a prank, and the pacing is a little uneven.

But when it hits, it really hits, and you really root for Teru. Seeing a superheroic take on struggling with social anxiety is fun, and Teru's passion and strength shines through. I'm excited to see more of her adventures, and fortunately a second season is confirmed!

Migi & Dali

Premise: Orphaned twins Migi and Dali perform an amazing con to get adopted by a couple (who mention preferring to adopt only one child)-- they decide to pretend to be only one person, a boy named Hitori, with one of them always just out of sight as school or at home. They go to absurd levels to keep this up because they have an important goal-- their mother was murdered in this town, and they're going to do all they can to find her killer. But what mysteries does this suburban town hold?

It's hard to put Migi & Dali into words, but I'll do my best. It starts out as an utterly absurd show that plays it's "spookiness" so ridiculously that it becomes comedy (Mother's Basement compared it to the potato chip scene from Death Note, and I think that's apt, though it's very much intentional with this show). Seeing the ridiculous lengths the twins go to in order to keep up their con is amazing. Situations like them assuming their foster mother must be scalping children because they don't understand what a wig is or one twin throwing on a wig on so the other twin (who should know what he looks like because he can LOOK IN THE MIRROR) doesn't recognize him are hilarious.

But then the show also becomes a tightly plotted and genuinely tense murder mystery that is incredibly moving at times? WHAT? All while keeping up it's signature brand of goofiness and absurdity! Side characters I did not expect to care about go through great development, Migi and Dali have some great character arcs, there's some genuine commentary on abuse, the damage you can do to children by forcing perfection on them, the struggle of being a foster kid, grief and recovery and more.

There are some things to warn for--parental abuse, rape through deception (def framed as bad, but yep. that happens), general harm to children, a very uncomfortable strip search of a child that involved ass-grabbing, and the weird bits where teen characters are kidnapped and forced to dress up and act like a baby (which turns out to be very thematically important and follows an interesting arc of being played partly for comedy at first then becoming deadly serious later) and of course the murder and stuff you'd expect from a murder mystery. (There's also some stuff involving infertility I think is fraught, but I can't really get into it without spoiling).

I know that's a huge list, but the show is definitely very rewarding--entertaining and full of more incredible twists and turns that one show has any right to be. Including the greatest housekeeper of all time, i would follow her into hell.

I can't get into more without spoiling, but yes, if you can handle this weird, wild ride, you should absolutely go on it. Sano Nami was a true talent.

[aurorawest]

Reading update

Arthur and Teddy Are Coming Out by Ryan Love - 3/5 stars

The Fate of Stars by SD Simper - DNF at pg 32

A Gathering Storm by Joanna Chambers - 4.75/5 stars

I kept getting the Madame Leota room from Haunted Mansion stuck in my head as I was reading this (not a bad thing!). This book has a surprisingly low rating on the Storygraph, and I'm not going to torture myself by looking at the reviews, but I'm assuming it's because of the power discrepancy between Ward and Nick. Clearly it didn't bother me as I really enjoyed the book!

Dionysus in Wisconsin by EH Lupton - 4.75/5 stars

At some point I might get tired of Mid-Century Modern romances, but not this day. This book was super fun, with an interesting world and lovely characters. And a Midwest setting! I've spent a lot of time in Madison, Wisconsin, where this book is set, so I got the added bonus of knowing most of the places pretty well. There was even a shoutout to an obscure piece of Madison history, the Lost City in the Arb. I have to get the second book in the series now!boy

Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan - 3.25/5 stars

I gave this book an extra quarter of a star for being written in 2003, when it would have been genuinely pretty groundbreaking. Reading it in 2024, it's very twee and pretty cringey (the queer utopia town would have been a magical fantasy in 2003, not so much now in a lot of places). When Levithan credited Francesca Lia Block's Weetzie Bat books in the acknowledgements, I though, ah. No wonder. Hated those as a teen.

All that said, there's some genuinely lovely writing in this book, and it has its place in the queer canon.

The Greywacke by Nick Davidson - 5/5 stars

Super interesting nonfiction about the discipline of geology and how the early geologic epochs were figured out. Also gave me an idea for a historical romance about gay Victorian geologists.

Home Grown Talent by Joanna Chambers & Sally Malcolm - 5/5 stars

I think I loved this one more than the first in the series. The social media scandal was perfect, in that it was exactly as absurd as every social media scandal is, and thus hilarious, but also chilling in how even something so stupid can ruin people's lives.

The First Bright Thing by JR Dawson - DNF at pg 1

Prince of the Sorrows by Kellen Graves - DNF at pg 30

Reuben's Hot & Cold by M Arbon - 3/5 stars

Slight Foxing Around the Edges by Melissa Polk - DNF at pg 132

Restored by Joanna Chambers - 5/5 stars

Balefire by Jordan L Hawk - 4.75/5 stars

A Rulebook for Restless Rogues by Jess Everlee - 4/5 stars

The Mars House by Natasha Pulley - 5/5 stars

See my brain vomit about this book here. If you've been around here for any amount of time you know all Natasha Pulley's books make me feral. Absolutely no exception here. I cannot believe her first UK publisher dropped her over this book. Idiots! It's wonderful just like everything she's ever written.

In the Case of Heartbreak by Courtney Kaye - DNF at pg 181

The Piano Tuner by Daniel Mason - DNF at pg 21

The Charm Offensive by Alison Cochrun - 5/5 stars (reread)

Just as good as the first time I read it!

Exhalation by Ted Chiang - 4.5/5 stars

The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic - DNF at pg 84

Crisped + Sere by TJ Klune - 4.75/5 stars

It actually kind of makes me mad that this series isn't Klune's most famous work, because it's real good. At this point it seems kind of unlikely he's going to continue it, but man, I'd love another book.

These Silent Stars by Chani Lynn Feener - DNF at pg 68

Trailer Park Trickster by David R Slayton - 5/5 stars

See below.

Deadbeat Druid by David R Slayton - David R Slayton - 5/5 star

I LOVE this series. Love love love love. Absolute must read. If you're a fan of KD Edwards's The Tarot Sequence, this series is right up your alley. It seems like there will be more after this initial trilogy, and there's also a spinoff book coming soon which I'm super excited for. Read them!!

[jade-kyo]

Season 17 post restoration thoughts

Casually skipping 16 and going straight to 17 because lord knows I can’t afford to lose anymore braincells. I genuinely enjoy this season so I’m looking forward to the rewatch!

Ngl jumping straight from 15 to 17 really highlights how absurd this is like bro why is there gods and shit omg 😂

The fates are racist- that explains a lot

Donut my sweet baby boy

You know as much as I hate time travel stories this works way better for a “lets reference and call back to as many previous arcs and seasons as possible” nostalgia trip than Restoration did

Okay while I personally prefer the take that Donut is fully aware of all the innuendos he makes and is doing it to be a little shit I do think it being unintentional is really funny considering the ace Donut thing

“You have me all wrong” “I doubt it.” Donut the master at not getting gaslit

Donut knows Wash’s name is David- meaning Wash must have told all the reds and blues his real name

JESUS CHRIST DONT KILL JUNIOR

Felix is afraid of knives

Man I love it when Dr. Grey sounds like herself

We love insurance fraud

DONUT WASH TEAM UP MY BELOVED

Wash just silently shooting Donut again has me wheezing holy shit

The Wash and Carolina conflict is so freaking good man I love them

Man this season is just genuinely entertaining to watch despite everything- the way I wish we could’ve gotten this character writing with a better story

Oh what’s that a way to reference back to all the freelancers that includes Wyoming and the triplets. The concepts are wild again.

Also it’s just genuinely hilarious

WASH SCREAMING INSIDE HIS HELMET

DELTA OMG I FORGOT HE WAS IN THIS SEASON

I need to find the ost for when Wash and Carolina reunite and she’s saying how she trusts him and doesn’t know why bro this music is so pretty

Seriously I’m enjoying this as a nostalgia trip so much more than restoration

Oh I can feel my inner 15 year old desperately trying to take control of my body and send me down the carwash pipeline again holy shit- platonic or romantic. They’re good either way 🙂

OH GOD THE CABOOSE FEELS AGAIN THIS SHOULD BE ILLEGAL

Kai I love you with all my heart and soul but you do not disrespect Junior like that

STOP BEING MEAN TO DONUT HE IS DOING HIS BEST

Yes Caboose IS a genius and also my son

Kai messing with Tucker is glorious holy shit is that bit funny I love them

“Time is made of circles” what a nice, funny and succinct callback. Look at those concepts being wild.

Not Tucker dropping the “your mom” bit on Doc AGSKHAKS

HELL YEAH DONUT YOU FUCKING TELL THEM THATS MY BABY BOI!!!

PINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wash might be a competitor with Church for number one Donut Stan

Or simulation headcanon: Church is projecting his liking of Donut onto Wash

Okay but Donut should be in the caves not under the pelican FR PEOPLE STOP FORGETTING ABOUT THE CAVES!!!

Laughs in Spanish

I love competent Caboose and Donut

“My testicles send their regards” has no right being as badass as it is

Love a good Tucker moment- sure wish it wasn’t just redoing his character development that never should’ve been undone to begin with

OKAY BUT TUCKER AND DONUT MOMENT THO???? So good- can’t believe Donut is the “angsty bitch”

WASH AND CAROLINA AKDHAKBSKSHSKDHK

Love them talking about the AI like they’re Carolina’s siblings

Holy shit the voice acting between these two is so good

“If he’s single there’s no hope for any of us” sargington nation rise

Sarcastic Donut my beloved

I said this last time but seeing Church impaled by a golf club, even if it is actually Genkins, is entirely unnecessary bro I don’t wanna see that

THE LABYRINTH!!!

GOD CAROLINA VS CAROLINA AGAJSHKAH FROTHING AT THE MOUTH

Sarges vision is further proof that the correct ending for him is retirement

OKAY I STILL HATE THE LOPEZ VISION LISTEN I GET HE COMES BACK BUT ITS JUST IN POOR TASTE

“Don’t say toodles” LOVE sassy Donut so much

DOC BADASS MOMENT LETS GO

GRIF SIBLINGS MY BELOVED

Grif enlisted reveal you will always be famous to me

I never actually thought about it too deeply before but now that I am holy shit do I love that detail it’s so good and actually reminds me of my own brother who enlisted for similar reasons and regrets it now- seriously Grif enlisting is so realistic, a lot of kids sadly think the military is the only thing that can give them structure and purpose. It’s a great addition to the anti military themes of RvB

And yet- despite all these good red team moments- THEY FUCKING TURNED SIMMONS INTO A PENIS JOKE???? AND A BAD ONE AT THAT?????? COME ON S17 I THOUGHT YOU WERE BETTER THAN THIS THATS SOME S16 NONSENSE

TUCKER CANONICALLY HAS PANIC ATTACKS- the fact they kept his visions so vague is truly a CRIME

“Still got my penis” “what-“ GOD DAMN IT THAT ONE WAS ACTUALLY FUNNY COME ON I WAS TRYING TO MAKE A POINT EARLIER

AND WE DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO CABOOSE- honestly I know they probably didn’t have this arc planned back then but they should’ve used the labyrinth for Caboose to find closure in Church’s death rather than the Time Machine nonsense in s15. I feel like that would’ve been infinitely more interesting.

Carolina vs Carolina MY BELOVED HOLY SHIT I AM FROTHING AT THE MOUTH

OH FUCK THE FREELANCER TRAINING ROOM IM AKDHKAHSKSH THIS SHIT IS SO GOOD

GIGGLING KICKING MY FEET WE LOVE THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP

Caboose gets it!!

GOD THE SLOW PIANO COVER OF BLOOD GULCH BLUES I CANT

AAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH

Man what nice fairly satisfying conclusions to everyone’s arc- don’t we love wild concepts.

Sure maybe it’s not anything super poetic or perfect like 13 but at least it makes sense

Hell I’ve even warmed up to Donut leaving! Bro deserves some him time and it’s not like he said it was permanent or anything… doesn’t that just really hit you in the wild concept 🙂

You know what- this season is genuinely such a delight at times. Im thinking about adding it to my regular rewatch list along with 1-13 as just like a little bonus I can have at the end cause it’s just such fun. Glorified fanfiction! We love to see it- maybe Restoration sucking was a blessing in disguise cause it really gave me a new appreciation for 15 and 17 (but 17 especially). I probably won’t rewatch 15 as much cause being honest I don’t really enjoy it in its entirety as much as 17 but it’s got good moments I love.

Now- I know the logical thing for me to do is go back and watch 16 and then Restoration but here’s the thing… I don’t want to.

I genuinely do not enjoy those seasons. I don’t want to put myself through something that’s just gonna make me angry and bitter just for the sake of giving commentary on them- not right now anyway. Maybe one day I’ll feel like being a bit salty and do it but that’s just really not how I want to spend my time with my favorite show. I’ve already rewatched any clips from restoration that I cared to rewatch and I don’t think any of my feelings on it are gonna change. And I’ve seen 16 enough times to know my feelings won’t change.

Now what I am considering doing is rewatching 1-13 for the 20th time (<- accurate number, I’ve kept count over the years) and continuing to do these thought posts cause they’re good fun to do! So who knows whenever the time comes you’ll probably have to deal with more of my insane ramblings 😂

[catn4pp]

an: i’ve been gone for an absurd amount of time! send in any requests!!

Ted Nivison x Reader | Classic Roommate AU !!

————————————————————————

Moving to a new city was both exhilarating and nerve-wracking. Stepping into your new apartment, you couldn’t shake the butterflies in your stomach. Little did you know, your life was about to take an unexpected turn.

The door swung open, revealing a whirlwind of energy that practically bounced into the room. “Hey there! You must be the new roommate!” exclaimed Ted Nivison, flashing a grin that lit up the entire room.

You blinked, momentarily taken aback by Ted’s exuberance. “Uh, yeah, that’s me. Hi,” you replied, offering a tentative smile.

From that moment on, life with Ted was anything but ordinary. His YouTube antics spilled over into our shared living space, turning everyday tasks into hilarious escapades. From impromptu dance parties in the kitchen to filming outrageous challenges in the living room, you found yourself swept up in Ted’s whirlwind of creativity.

But amidst the chaos, moments of quiet connection emerged. Late-night conversations over cups of tea revealed layers beneath Ted’s outgoing persona. You discovered a thoughtful and compassionate side to him, one that made your heart flutter in ways not expected.

As days turned into weeks and weeks into months, your friendship deepened, but something more lingered beneath the surface. You found myself drawn to Ted in ways you couldn’t explain, but you were hesitant to acknowledge those feelings, afraid of risking the friendship you had built.

Ted, too, seemed to wrestle with his own emotions, his smiles lingering a little longer, his touches a little more lingering. But neither of you dared to broach the subject, content to dance around the unspoken tension that crackled between you.

It wasn’t until one rainy evening, as you two huddled together on the couch, watching the raindrops trace patterns on the window, that you finally built up some confidence. “Ted?” you ask a tiny bit above a whisper.

Ted turned to you, his gaze soft and searching. “What is it?”

Taking a deep breath, you confessed, “I think… I might have feelings for you.”

For a moment, the room fell silent as Ted processed my words. Then, to your surprise, a tender smile spread across his face. “darling, I’ve been feeling the same way,” he admitted, his hand finding your own.

With a weight lifted off your chest, you felt a surge of relief and excitement. “You have?” you whispered, unable to contain the hope in your voice.

Ted nodded, his eyes never leaving yours. “Yeah, I have. I just didn’t know how to say it.”

As the realization sank in, a sense of warmth spread through you, enveloping you in a cocoon of shared emotions. And in that quiet moment, with the rain softly tapping against the window, you knew that your journey together was only just beginning.

In the days that followed, You and Ted explored the newfound feelings with a sense of cautious optimism. Sharing laughter and inside jokes, but now there was an added layer of intimacy, a deeper connection that bound you two together.

As we navigated the ups and downs of life as roommates, our bond only grew stronger. And though the road ahead was uncertain, I knew that as long as Ted was by my side, I was ready to face whatever the future held.

With laughter and love intertwining, Ted and I embarked on a new chapter of our lives together, our unexpected journey as roommates slowly evolving into something beautiful.

————————————————————————

[batsplat]

no no you actually must enjoy sete’s suffering at least a little bit while watching the 2005 season. that’s what this rivalry is all about! it’s so so absurd with the whole curse stuff, tragic and pretty bleak (for sete I mean), hilarious, malicious etc. like when you watching any of those races and commentators mention the curse and how wouldn’t it be nice for sete to win here but you know something they don’t! he’s literally never gonna win again guys ha! so you wait for something to happen right (almost gleefully at times) and then it does you’re like “well fuck:((“

the caveat here is that you must also actually rate sete too!

- your resident sete anon

no literally, not only is valentino being awful - he's also making you the viewer complicit in the torment of this poor man by making you laugh while watching it. every time the commentators say one of those 'will THIS be the time' 'perhaps the most important race of gibernau's career!!' 'oh how much he'd want to win this' 'in the next n laps we will discover what gibernau is made of' lines, of course you laugh because it's just. well. funny. and then you see another sete misfortune and the commentator says something like 'rossi will surely be grinning under his helmet' and then YOU are grinning at it, which oh my god the moral decay of it all. I'm hardly a stranger to being a hater in sports, but I'm really not a sete hater!! clearly!! which means I'm watching these replays where one of the main kicks is knowing this one man is going to suffer and having a great time with it and it's just?? a bit of a unique experience given I don't even hate this guy?? so. yeah. cheers valentino

the 'he really won't win ANY of these' bit is really the key because the cruelty of it kinda?? gradually sneaks up on you?? the theory of 'never winning a race again' starts as a fun fact - but it's really the cumulative effect that gets to you. the suspense is in watching how it'll go wrong this time. what will it be here!! .... ah. oh no :( look at him sink to his knees in despair :( onto the next one!! it's like being told at the outset you're watching a tragedy, but you watch it anyway... and once you really start clocking just how MANY of these things he could've won, how the pressure must have been building and building, how trapped he was in this truly absurd hellscape, how he was TELLING HIS FANS he would win one of these 2005 races and you just know he won't!! the horror of it all just hits you in the face. it's so bleak! what a beautifully miserable little story! it's also so funny terrible because the commentators are waiting for a narrative that won't ever actually come to pass. they think that sete will get Revenge, they think he will have the triumphant comeback, they're constantly hyping up how this is the race where sete will finally show valentino he's no pushover... it's almost like everyone is stuck in the wrong genre lol. and you can track how they finally cotton on in real time. sete will never be allowed his happy ending

and what really rams home the tonal whiplash is how joyous valentino is being!! the thing about valentino is that he isn't typically outwardly spiteful in victory, though jerez 2005 is perhaps as close as he ever gets. sure, in context a lot of his celebrations clearly are filled with spite, he is obviously a deeply malicious character, but you don't immediately see that when you're watching him!! I regularly see photos of his phillip island 2004 championship celebrations passed around on various social media sites because everyone loves those, first yamaha title, 'che spettacolo' is such a vibe, he's grinning so much, clearly having a blast... but the moment you reinsert context, you do remember how evil that whole thing was!! how much sheer concentrated malice poured into that performance and the weeks that preceded it. two risky last lap passes because he just couldn't stomach the idea of letting sete have shit on his big day. This Is The Face Of A Monster

look at him :) dickhead

like, 2003-05 really is just. the perfect arc isn't it. by 2005 the wall between the joy and the malice has completely collapsed and you're just seeing him having the time of his life while psychologically torturing his rival. and you know there's no way he'd rather win. and it's compelling! and it's fun to watch! and it is also. kinda sketch. ffs