#but you have to sacrifice yourself anyway
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ok so i think that my favourite fantasy subgenre is The Inherent Tragedy Of Being Born Into Royalty. which mostly means that i like to read about gay princes but with some nuance
#ethically i am opposed to monarchies and empires. i think being born into a royal bloodline is inherently traumatising#which makes for the juiciest tastiest drama in stories obviously#either you become a bad ruler and people will suffer at your feet. or you become a good ruler and you no longer belong to yourself#how much will you sacrifice at the altar of your ideals?#It Compels Me. Narratively#also books like the goblin emperor have a big autism appeal in like. the court had a lot of nonsensical rules and you have to mask so much#apparently i am such a parody of myself that whenever im like. i have a drawing of my current blorbo#my friend immediately assumes it's a prince based on their vibes#IT'S NOT ALWAYS A PRINCE... SOMETIMES IT'S THE EMPEROR'S SECRETARY.... OR A DEMON WHO'S A KNIGHT.............. I CAN BE DIVERSE#anyway im currently reading the hands of the emperor AND a prince4prince web novel. that's the vibes rn
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everything i want (a take a bite drabble collection) | MYG
✧ PAIRING: yoongi x fem!reader (TAB!couple)
✧ GENRE: established relationship, fluff, smut, humor
✧ REQUEST: @joonary: hello my dear friend i am here to request something with dilf yoongi 😁 no other specifications go crazy and @beomcoups: I wanted to send you a request with Yoongi and you spend the day at the beach with this prompt "isn't that view beautiful"? It can be sfw or nsfw.
✧ SUMMARY: The best part of being with Yoongi, from the very beginning, was that nothing had to change for either of you. You could be married to Yoongi and to your job at the same time, build your career from the ground up and never sacrifice a thing. But this? Having a baby? It’s all going to be sacrifice. It won’t be just you and Yoongi anymore, living in your precious little workaholic love bubble. Everything is going to change.
✧ TAGS: pregnancy, different stages of pregnancy (conception, morning sickness, early labor, etc.), the smut is crazy but this is mostly soft, TAB!couple are in complete domestic bliss i fear, and they’re married!, yoongi and MC being each other’s voices of reason, TAB!yoongi’s murderous inner monologues make a comeback, rina cameo, baby penny <3, beach episode moment (warnings under the cut because… um…)
✧ WORDCOUNT: 7.6k words
✧ AUTHOR’S NOTE: blame MJ for this. and my m’lady anon for saying i’m always ovulating. *taps mic* min yoongi my womb is empty please call me.
P.S. thank you to tanni @yooniivrse for beta reading <3
P.P.S. i feel like this can maybe stand alone??? but parts of it might be confusing if you haven’t read take a bite in its entirety, so… do that, if you want!
✧ WARNINGS: vaginal fingering, oral (f. receiving), dirty talk, spanking, nipple play, hand/finger kink, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, yoongi calls reader a sl*t in bed but it is all extremely consensual, rough sex, unprotected sex (duh) (but wrap it before you tap it), creampie (double duh)
one —
Yoongi’s being a real good sport about it, but you know you’re being annoying.
Ever since both of you got home, you just… There are things that need to be done, okay? Like unloading the dishwasher. You can’t just leave that for tomorrow, that would be insane. And since you’re unloading the dishwasher, you might as well organize the kitchen cabinets. They’re a mess, and you’re putting away dishes anyway. Why postpone the inevitable?
And Pepper! Sweet, sweet Pepper. She needs to be fed, obviously. You’re not going to neglect your cat, are you? Your cat who has nobody else in the whole world aside from you and Yoongi? The two of you are responsible for a whole life—feline life! Feline life.
This doesn’t have anything to do with what Yoongi’s eomma said tonight. Absolutely not.
You are a grown woman. An award winning music journalist with a kickass career and a super hot, famous, rich man by your side. You’re not going to let Yoongi’s eomma get under your skin. You’re just fidgety. Who wouldn’t be after dinner with the in-laws?
You pause mid-kibble pour, staring down at the sparkly, significant thing wrapped around your finger. It’s been over a year, and sometimes you still can’t believe it’s true. Married. Husband and wife. Mr. and Mrs. Min.
The thought makes you relax, just a little. Yoongi is your better half in every sense. Your soulmate. And more than that, he has your back. There’s no reason why you can’t just tell him what you’ve been thinking. What you’ve been thinking for a long time now, really.
As if he can read your mind, your husband sidles up behind you, wrapping his arms around you as you finish feeding the cat.
“You wanna talk about it?” he murmurs against the back of your neck.
“No,” you huff, turning in his hold to loop your arms around his neck. “But I think we have to.”
Yoongi hums, dipping down to kiss you softly. “Okay. Let’s talk about it, then.”
With a sigh, you peel yourself away from your husband and head to the couch. This feels like a sitting down conversation. Yoongi sits next to you, pulling you into his body, your head on his shoulder.
“Y/N… You know it’s not a dealbreaker, right? Kids. You know that.”
Tilting your head up, you study his features.
Yoongi is usually so unshakeable. It’s rare that you see him truly nervous, not when it comes to you. Your relationship is so solid, you can’t remember the last time you saw him like this.
“Yoongi, of course I know that,” you assure him immediately, bringing a hand up to cup his cheek.
The two of you had the marriage-and-kids conversation not long after you moved in together. It was the logical thing to do, with how serious things were getting. The marriage part of the conversation was easy. Yeah, duh, you wanted to marry Min Yoongi one day. No shit.
The kids part, though? That was a little harder. At least for you.
You didn’t know if you wanted kids. The cons far outweighed the pros, especially where your work schedules were concerned, and at the time, you weren’t sure if that would ever change.
Yoongi was amenable about it, though. He wanted what you wanted. Kids, no kids, whatever. You’re pretty sure those were his exact words.
“I’m not freaking out because I think you’re gonna, like, leave me or something.”
“Okay,” he says, visibly relaxing. “Then why are you freaking out?”
“I don’t know!” you groan, pressing your face into his shoulder. “I don’t know.”
“Baby,” he huffs. “This is our decision, not my eomma’s. Nothing’s changed.”
That’s the thing. That’s why you’re so restless.
“Maybe…” Fuck, you can’t sit still for this. So you stand, hoping you can force the words out if you’re pacing. “Maybe things have changed.”
It would be funny, the way Yoongi’s mouth pops open in a little ‘o’, if you didn’t feel like you were about to throw up.
“I just—” You rub your hands over your face, exasperated. And then you’re stopping in front of him, jabbing your finger at his chest. “You’re really annoying, you know. Paternal. Every time I have to watch you play with your brother’s kid I really want to smack you.”
“Paternal?” Yoongi snorts. His hands catch yours, interlaced fingers pulling you to stand between his open legs.
“Paternal,” you sniff. “Stop looking at me like that.”
Of course, that only makes it worse. He looks so fond, even though you feel more and more like you’re dying as you speak. “How long have you been thinking about this?”
“You mean how long has this been plaguing me?” you grumble, earning a laugh from him.
“Yeah, sure,” Yoongi says as he looks up at you expectantly.
You look down at your joined hands, swinging them back and forth so the warm lamplight catches on your rings. “Since we got married, I guess.”
Yoongi squeezes your hands to catch your attention, quirking an eyebrow at you when you glance up. “That long?” he asks, his voice tinged with disbelief. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I didn’t want to tell you until I was sure,” you mumble as your heart threatens to beat out of your chest.
“You’re telling me now,” he points out. He sounds a little unsteady, like he’s feeling just as jittery as you are, now that it’s all out in the open.
“Yeah,” you breathe. “I am.”
“You want a baby?”
You nod, bottom lip catching between your teeth. “I want a baby.”
Before you have a chance to react, Yoongi sits up, pulling you into a kiss with a hand on the back of your neck. Almost as soon as you melt into it, clambering into his lap as your lips slot with his, he’s pulling away.
“With me, right?” he teases, squawking indignantly when you pinch his sides in retaliation. “Yah, I’m just making sure!”
“Yes with you, asshole!”
two —
You feel a little stupid.
Maybe it’s because you don’t know how to act now. Nobody told you that planning to have a baby would suddenly put so much pressure on sex, but now here you are, standing in the kitchen in a too-tight dress while you try not to burn dinner.
You never cook. That’s Yoongi’s job. But you don’t know what else to do with all this restless energy, don’t know how else to initiate the ‘okay, I’m ready, knock me up’ conversation.
You’ve talked about the important things. You’ve dealt with the birth control issue. You’re taking, like, vitamins and shit now. All that’s left is to… actually try, right?
Except you’re nervous as hell, have been since you woke up to the notification from your cycle tracker informing you that you’re in your fucking ‘fertile window’ (ew!), and you’re suddenly acting like someone you don’t even recognize. Christ, you wonder if Yoongi has been feeling like this, too.
Speaking of Yoongi… He isn’t home yet, and for a moment, you think it’s not too late to just get rid of all of the evidence. Do away with the self-imposed theatrics, order some takeout, and act like it’s just another night. It’s not like Yoongi would mind.
But you’ve already committed to these stupid fucking steaks. And candles. There are candles.
It is too late, anyway. Almost as soon as the thought begins to form in your brain, you hear the sound of keys jangling and a lock turning, and then your future sperm donor himself is slipping his shoes off at the front door.
At least, he’s trying to. He’s got one socked foot out, frozen in his tracks as he takes in the scene before him.
“Did I forget an anniversary?”
You scoff, eyes rolling despite the nausea building inside you. “As if you’ve ever forgotten anything in your life.”
“Point made.” He kicks his shoes off the rest of the way, nodding his head in the direction of the candles on the table. “Wanna tell me what this is for, then?”
You shrug, poking at the steak sizzling in front of you with a pair of tongs. “I wanted to make you dinner.”
“You don’t do that,” he says, eyeing you suspiciously.
“Well, I felt like it tonight,” you huff in exasperation.
“Okay,” he says, rounding the counter. His eyes rake over your form shamelessly, now that he can see all of you. “And the dress?”
“A girl can’t dress up every now and then?”
“Hey,” he says, raising his hands in surrender. “Not complaining, believe me. Just curious.”
You know you’re being a little bit testy. Evasive. But it’s not your fault. Is there a good way to say ‘I did all of this because I want you to cum inside me tonight’? If there is, you haven’t found it.
Instead, you settle on, “I just felt like it.”
Yoongi hums, sliding behind you so he can wrap his arms around your middle. “Just felt like it, huh?” he mumbles. You can feel his lips on the back of your neck, and it’s dizzying how quickly your body reacts to his proximity. “No ulterior motives?”
“Nope,” you say. It sounds like bullshit, even to you. But how are you supposed to spin a convincing lie when your husband’s hands are on you? Hands that slide from hips to waist to tits as his mouth grows insistent at your nape, making you shiver.
“Shame,” he murmurs, nosing at the curve of your neck until his lips reach the shell of your ear. “I was hoping you wanted me to fuck a baby into you.”
“Fuck,” you breathe. Your legs are already growing wobbly beneath you, and he hasn’t even touched you. It’s pathetic, the way anxiety gives way to anticipation so easily.
Smoothly, Yoongi reaches in front of you to turn off the stove. It’s probably best that you skip dinner, anyway. Those steaks were going to be shit and you both know it.
You’re guided away from the stove, spun around so the small of your back is pressed against the kitchen counter. The room seems to shrink around you with the way you’re pinned under Yoongi’s gaze.
He kisses you, slow and deliberate, your legs growing even weaker at the way his lips slide against yours. You get lost in it for a moment, reveling in the way his body molds to yours as his tongue teases at the seam of your lips. But then he pulls away.
“Why don’t you tell me the truth?” His hands slide down your body to knead your ass roughly, causing the hem of your dress to ride up. “What does my girl want, hm?”
“Yoongi,” you whine, desperate as you reach down to palm him through his jeans.
“Nuh-uh,” he chastises, voice laced with amusement. He grabs hold of your wrist, bringing it up to his lips to press a gentle kiss against your skin. “You’ve just gotta ask, beautiful. You know I’ll give you what you need. I’m not a mind reader, though.”
Annoying. Also patently untrue, but whatever. The point of all of this—the dress, the candles, the dinner attempt—was that you wouldn’t have to say it. But of course, Yoongi never makes things easy for you.
“You already know, though,” you huff. “Don’t be mean.”
Yoongi huffs a laugh, fingers skating teasingly along the hem of your dress. “Okay, baby,” he concedes. “I’ll be nice.”
And then his hand slips under your dress, only to find that you’ve foregone panties for the night. “Shit,” he groans. “You’re gonna kill me.”
The anticipation of the day has left you dripping for him, the pads of his fingers sliding along your cunt with ease. You gasp when he thrusts two digits into you, moan when they curl against your front wall, the sensation sending you climbing up the counter.
“This?” he murmurs against your lips. “This is what you want?”
Suddenly, all of your anxiety from the day washes away. It’s stupid, you realize, to be so scared of just telling him everything you want. He loves when you tell him what you want, loves to be the one to fulfil every single one of your wishes. And right now, while your husband’s fingers fuck into your pussy in the middle of your kitchen, all you want is—
“Fuck me. Please, Yoongi. Need you to fuck me.”
“Yeah?” he growls. “Why?”
“B-because,” you whimper, cheeks flushing as you finally say the words. “W-wanna make a baby with you, wan’ you to give me a baby.”
“Fuck,” Yoongi hisses, nipping at your jaw. The pace of his fingers is slow and steady as heat crawls up your spine. You cry out when his thumb begins to circle your clit, your eyes rolling back in your head at the sensation. “There’s my good girl. I’ll give you what you need, baby, I promise. Just cum for me first.”
He doesn’t have to tell you twice. You’re so fucking wound up, and his fingers feel so good pumping in and out of you, it was only a matter of time before you unraveled for him.
Wetness gushes around Yoongi’s fingers, the filthy squelch of his ministrations filling your ears. You don’t have it in you to be embarrassed by it. Not when you’re this close. Before you know it, your orgasm is washing over you, leaving you clenching helplessly around his fingers as he mumbles praise into your neck.
“Shit,” you breathe.
Gently, Yoongi withdraws his fingers. “Feel good?”
With a giggle, you nod, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “Mm. We really need to stop using our kitchen for non-kitchen related activities, though.”
“Nah,” he chuckles. “Where’s the fun in that?”
As you catch your breath, you start to feel antsy due to the silence that settles between you two. Everything’s out in the open now, isn’t it?
As if he can sense the shift in your energy, Yoongi presses his forehead against yours, rubbing his hand down your back. “You’re in your head again.”
“I’m sorry,” you mumble, pouting.
“Don’t apologize,” Yoongi murmurs softly. “Just tell me what's wrong.”
You take a shaky breath, closing your eyes for a moment. Better out than in, you suppose.
“I just… There’s all this pressure now that we’re trying to have a baby. I guess I’m just worried we’re not… doing this right.”
“Right?” he repeats, raising an eyebrow at you.
“Like… It’s a big deal, isn’t it?” you say, glancing at your forgotten steaks further down on the counter. “Shouldn’t we treat it like one?”
Yoongi pulls back, eyes widening in understanding. “So… The dress and the dinner.”
“Yeah.”
There’s a pause, and you can’t help but squirm as he studies you for a moment. You desperately wish you knew what he was thinking, but you know Yoongi. He chooses his words carefully, always.
“Do you want to do things differently?” he finally asks.
Huh.
“What?”
Yoongi grins, chuckling as he reaches to intertwine your fingers with his. “Y/N,” he starts, squeezing your hand. “You are the woman of my dreams. It doesn’t matter when or where or how it happens, our baby is going to be made with love no matter what.”
Your heart pangs at that, lips twisting in a contemplative frown as you consider his words. Damn him for making so much fucking sense all the time.
“If you want to do the dinner and the candles and the rose petals and everything else, we can do that,” Yoongi says, pausing to kiss your nose. “I’ll take my time, fuck you nice and slow. Anything you want.
“But I don’t want you to feel nervous about this,” he murmurs, pressing more kisses into your skin until he’s nosing the underside of your jaw. “I could bend you over this counter and fuck you right here, and we’d still be doing things right, as long as it feels right to you.”
Yoongi’s right. You’ve been building up all of these unrealistic expectations for how this night should go, and for no reason. The anxiety that had built a home in the pit of your stomach gives way to something hotter, your eyes fluttering shut as his breath ghosts over your skin.
“I’m sorry,” you sigh, tangling your fingers in his hair as he mouths at your neck. “I don’t want anything to change.”
“Quit apologizing,” he chastises with a bite to your skin that makes you gasp. “You know what you want. Always so good at telling me, too. So tell me.”
Here goes nothing.
“I want you to take off my dress,” you breathe. It feels like a good place to start.
Tongue darting out to lick his lips, Yoongi’s gaze roves over your body. “Yeah,” he agrees. “Bedroom? Or here?”
“Bedroom,” you say, gently pushing him out of your space so you can hop off the counter.
You barely get a chance to steady yourself before Yoongi’s grabbing hold of your hand. You can’t help but giggle at his eagerness as he drags you out of the kitchen, pausing only to blow out the candles you’d lit earlier.
Once he gets you to the bedroom, Yoongi spins you around so you’re facing away from him. You feel the evidence of his arousal against the curve of your ass as he slowly unzips your dress.
“So fucking pretty,” he murmurs, his breath warm against the back of your neck as your dress drops and pools at your feet. His hands roam over your body, squeezing and caressing everywhere he can reach. “How did I get so lucky, hm?”
Turning in his hold, you loop your arms around his neck with a cheeky smile, your naked form pressed against his clothed one. “Through a mutual disdain for square dancing, if I recall correctly.”
Yoongi laughs at that, gummy smile in full force even as he shamelessly fondles your breasts. “You don’t recall correctly,” he teases. “I had to put in a lot of work after that to actually get you, remember?”
How far you’ve both come since then. No more tortured longing. No more misunderstandings. No more fear of taking the leap. All that remains between you now is love. Plain and simple.
“You had me from day one,” you insist, fondness swelling in your chest. “I didn’t stand a chance.”
It’s so gratifying, witnessing the way you can still fluster your husband after all this time. With pink cheeks, Yoongi ducks his head, attempting to hide a shy smile. “Aw,” he coos, wrapping his arms around your waist. “Do you love me or something?”
Snorting, you bite back a grin. “I do. Very much. And you love me.”
Yoongi hums in agreement. An errant squeeze to your ass, as casual as it may be, reminds you of where you are. Heat floods you all over again, a delicious shiver wracking your body at the reminder of what you’re about to do. As head over heels as you may be for Yoongi, you’d really like to get his cock inside you sometime this year.
You catch his gaze, raising a challenging eyebrow at him.
“But you can fuck me like you don’t,” you offer.
In an instant, the softness in Yoongi’s eyes shifts into something else entirely. His tongue darts out to wet his lips, his grip on your ass tightening.
“You’re sure?” he asks, voice so low and gravelly that your cunt clenches in response. You know him well enough to know that he’s giving you one last out, that his control is likely hanging by a thread.
But fuck, you want it. Want to be fucked within an inch of your life, because who knows the next opportunity you’ll have to get it like that once you’re with child?
“I can handle it.”
Yoongi scans your features for a moment, taking in your flushed cheeks and parted lips. The way your body responds to him without a second thought, willing to take anything he wants to give you. If he’s looking for uncertainty, he isn’t going to find any. Not anymore.
He must be satisfied with what he finds, because before you can react, you’re suddenly on your back, gasping as you’re enveloped in memory foam.
“Spread your legs, baby,” Yoongi says, his hands on your knees roughly guiding your legs to part nice and wide so he can settle between them. “Show me that pretty cunt of yours.”
“Yoongi,” you whimper, fingers instinctively threading into his hair. It’s getting so long lately, so pullable. You might kill him if he tries to cut it anytime soon. “Want your cock, you don’t have to—“
Your pleas are effectively halted when Yoongi spreads your folds with his thumbs, looking up at you with eyes that are all pupil. “You’re this wet for me, and you think I’m not gonna get my mouth on you?”
He doesn’t give you a chance to respond, surging forward to lick a broad stripe over your pussy. You cry out, back arching and hips kicking off the bed when his tongue flicks against your oversensitive clit.
“Fucking dripping,” Yoongi groans appreciatively. “Holy shit, Y/N.”
The whine that escapes you is pathetic, embarrassment and arousal warring inside you as you rock your hips forward. Luckily, Yoongi gets the hint, dipping down again to swirl his tongue over you.
It’s filthy and loud, the way he sucks and slurps at your pussy like he’s starving for it, can’t get enough. It doesn’t take long before your second orgasm is barreling towards you, thighs trembling on either side of his head as you squirm under him.
“Yoongi, fuck,” you mewl as he laves over your aching cunt, tugging hard at the strands of dark hair caught between your fingers to keep him from pulling away. “I’m gonna cum, like, any second.”
Yoongi hums, tongue lashing at your clit at a pace that almost drives you up the bed. Everything feels so fucking good, so overwhelming, that you can’t hold back any longer.
You cum hard, a litany of curses and moans falling from your lips as Yoongi works you through it, only letting up when your hands push weakly at his head.
“You’re so worked up, baby,” he teases, although the way he palms himself through his jeans as he climbs over you tells you he’s just as turned on as you are. “You want my cum that bad?”
Your pussy flutters at his words, silently begging to be filled. Fuck. It doesn’t surprise you that your husband knows how to read your body this well, knows exactly how to push all of your buttons, but it still drives you crazy all the same.
“You’re worked up, too,” you huff as you snake your hand under his, feeling the way his erection strains against his jeans. He’s so fucking hard.
“Of course I am,” he agrees, chuckling at your impatience. He pulls his shirt over his head as he speaks, moving to deal with his jeans next. “I’ve got my girl cumming so easily for me, begging for my cock. Why wouldn’t I be worked up?”
“Then fucking do something about it,” you whine, mouth watering when his cock springs free in front of you. You need him inside you yesterday.
In a flash, you’re flipped over roughly so you’re flat on your stomach.
“So fucking impatient,” Yoongi growls, delivering a sharp slap to your ass that makes you moan.
You feel the heat of his hand dip between your thighs, fingers sliding over your slippery folds, and you can’t help but push your ass back against his touch, knees spreading as wide as they’ll go.
“Look at you. You’re desperate for it.” He sounds almost amazed. You whimper when he slides his fingers from your core, replacing them with the blunt head of his cock. “Well since you wanna act like a slut, I guess I have to fuck you like one, hm?”
Yes. Fucking. Please.
“Please,” you breathe, arching your back prettily for him, wiggling your hips in a way that makes him hiss. “Want it, please.”
Yoongi teases you for a moment, rubbing his tip through your soaked folds, but then the warmth of his body disappears from behind you. “Nah. I changed my mind,” he finally says, smacking your ass once more. “Turn over. I wanna see your face when I cum inside this pussy.”
Oh.
You’ve never moved so fucking fast in your life. Within seconds you’re on your back, and Yoongi doesn’t waste any time either, slotting his body between your legs with ease. You both moan when he finally slides into you, one of his hands coming up to cradle your face.
Yoongi’s always been so patient, much more patient than you. He gives you time to adjust to the stretch of him, his thumb sweetly caressing your cheek as you look into each other's eyes.
But that’s pretty much all the grace you get.
Once he’s sure you’re ready, the first snap of his hips has you reeling, your eyes rolling back in your head. And then he’s fucking you for real, setting a pace that has you crying out his name.
“Fuckin’ love being inside you,” he grunts, his eyes fixed on where your bodies meet so he can watch the way his cock slides in and out of you. “Pussy was made for me, wasn’t it, baby?”
You don’t think you could speak if you tried, too high on the feeling of Yoongi’s cock hitting that place inside you that makes you see stars. Instead, you turn your head, craning your neck until you can get the thumb that was rubbing your cheek into your mouth.
You love Yoongi’s hands. Love how strong and capable they are, love how gentle they can be even when he’s fucking you this hard. You could live and die with Yoongi’s fingers in your mouth and you’d be a happy, happy woman.
Yoongi groans, his thrusts growing rougher as you wrap your lips around his thumb and suck. “There’s my good girl,” he praises. “Fuck, you’re so pretty, baby.”
You preen at the praise, looking up at him through your lashes as you moan around the digit. But then Yoongi’s using his free hand to hitch your leg around his hip, driving his cock even deeper into you somehow, and you’re pulling off of his thumb with a sob.
“Yoongi! F-fuck, it’s too much—”
“You begged for this,” he growls. His thumb, slick with your spit, travels down to circle a nipple, your breath getting caught in your throat when he adds his forefinger and pinches. “You said you could handle it. So take it.”
He keeps fucking into you, rough and relentless, and even though you’ve been reduced to a sobbing mess, it feels so fucking good. So you do what he says and take what he’s giving you.
Satisfied, Yoongi dips down to lave his tongue over your other nipple, sucking it into his mouth as your hands fly to grasp at his hair.
“Nnnghh, Y-yoongi,” you moan. “Feels so g-good.”
With one final flick of his tongue against your breast, he comes back up to kiss you, his mouth moving against yours with an urgency that takes your breath away.
“I love you,” he murmurs against your lips, pressing his forehead against yours. His hands come up to cradle your face again, wiping errant tears from your cheeks. “Love you so much.”
“Love you too,” you sob, using the much-needed reprieve to catch your breath.
“Taking me so good,” he breathes, thrusts growing erratic as he pants against your mouth. “Can’t wait to give you a baby.”
You moan, clenching around him in response. “Need you to cum,” you pant, delirious. “Please, Yoongi, wan’ you to fill me up.”
“Fuck,” he moans, eyes squeezing shut as if he’s pained. “‘M gonna. Gonna fill you up so good, baby. Do me a favor and rub your clit for me, m’kay my love?”
You do as you’re told, slipping a hand between your sweaty bodies. It’s not going to take much at this point, not with how desperate he looks above you. He’s a fucking sight for sore eyes, lips bitten and pupils blown as he tracks the movement of your hand.
“Shit, you’re so sexy,” he groans. “Gonna cum.”
You’re right there with him, both of you moving in perfect synchrony as you chase your release. All it takes is a few passes of your fingers over your clit before your vision goes white, a sob escaping your throat as you feel Yoongi spill into you with a groan.
You cling to him, arms wrapped around his neck as he presses sloppy kisses to your naked shoulder. “God,” you breathe, thighs shaking when you stretch your legs out.
You both gasp for breath, skin sticking together from the sweat that’s been created between you.
“Yoongi?” you mumble. He hums, lifting his head to look down at you. “Thank you.”
“For what?” he asks, brows furrowing in confusion. Then, he grins tiredly. “For giving you the creampie of the century?”
“Ew,” you huff, flicking his forehead weakly. “No, idiot. For getting me out of my head.”
You know he knows what you mean. That’s what you do for each other. Yoongi knows how to calm you down like no one else, and you know you do the same for him. It’s a perfect give and take.
“I don’t know if this will be… If this is the time that’s gonna give us a baby,” you continue, lips twisting as your eyes water slightly. “But I can’t imagine a better man to be the father of my child. I just want you to know that.”
Yoongi softens, taking in your words. Wordlessly, he dips down, eyes fluttering shut as he kisses you tenderly.
“You are the most incredible woman I’ve ever met,” he says, his voice gentle. “I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else.”
The two of you lay there for a long time, bodies tangled together as you process everything that just happened. What it means for both of you.
The best part of being with Yoongi, from the very beginning, was that nothing had to change for either of you. You could be married to Yoongi and to your job at the same time, build your career from the ground up and never sacrifice a thing.
But this? Having a baby? It’s all going to be sacrifice. It won’t be just you and Yoongi anymore, living in your precious little workaholic love bubble. Everything is going to change.
Funnily enough, nothing has ever felt more right.
three —
It stands to reason that you find out that you’re pregnant in the office of Look Here Magazine. Where else?
You had your suspicions this morning, when you rolled out of bed nauseous as hell. But you also had an important interview scheduled for this afternoon—surely, you were just anxious about that. But the interview went great, and you still felt like shit afterwards.
And then you got sick. Like, really sick. In the bathroom of the store you’d stopped at to grab some ginger ale, hoping that would help with the nausea.
Instead of ginger ale, though, you watched with no small amount of shame as the clerk at the register rang up a pregnancy test for you, eyeing you with thinly veiled judgement. Whatever. Jealous bitch needs to get laid.
So here you are, locked in the single stall restroom at your office, staring down at two pink lines. Fuck.
You’re shaking like a leaf. You’re fucking giddy, of course you are, but holy shit. It’s real now. It’s real, and you’re at work, and Yoongi is at his studio, and all you want to do is call him and tell him the news. Because you’re overjoyed, but you’re also terrified, and when you get like this, he’s the only one who can make you feel better.
But you can’t. You don’t want to tell him over the phone. You want to see his reaction in real time, see the gummy smile you love so much, feel his warmth when he pulls you into his arms, kiss him stupid.
So instead, you pick your phone up with trembling hands and snap a picture, sending it straight to Rina.
It’s five in the morning in Athens. You know she won’t see it for another few hours. But it still calms you down enough to clean up and exit the bathroom, returning to your desk on shaky legs.
★ ★ ★
You can’t wait, as it turns out.
It’s seven in the evening. You got off of work less than thirty minutes ago, and you’re already all the way across town, riding in an ostentatiously large elevator to get to your husband’s swanky ass studio. You definitely broke several traffic laws to get here so fast, but you don’t care. Who knows when Yoongi will get home? You need to tell him now.
When the elevator doors slide open, allowing you to step foot onto Yoongi’s floor, you start to feel sick again. For a different reason this time.
You know Yoongi’s going to be just as psyched as you are, but still, what if he’s not? What if he’s scared shitless and all of a sudden he changes his mind about this? You both wanted a baby, but it sure as shit feels completely different now that it’s real.
You don’t know what you’re going to do if he has a change of heart. Fuck. Flee the country, probably.
You put one foot in front of the other, following the familiar path to Yoongi’s studio. Your heart races as you punch in the code you know by heart, gut twisting as the whir of the lock fills your ears. And then you’re stepping inside, slipping your shoes off at the door with the expression of a sighted rabbit on your face.
Yoongi spins around in his chair, eyes widening at your unexpected presence. “Hey,” he greets, visibly puzzled as he gets up to pull you into a hug. “I didn’t know you were coming.”
“Hey,” you breathe, heartbeat thrumming in your ears. But still, it feels nice to be in his arms after the day you’ve had. “I didn’t know I was. Sorry if I’m interrupting.”
“Nah, don’t apologize. I need a break anyway,” he says, pulling away to study your face. “Everything okay?”
“Um!” you squeak out, grabbing his hands to pull him towards the couch in the corner of his studio, sinking down on the worn leather. You stare down at the material beneath you. He really needs to replace this thing. “Yes? I think so. I hope so.”
“You’re scaring the piss out of me, Y/N,” he huffs, settling down next to you. Gently, his fingers grasp your chin, lifting your head so you’re looking straight at him. “Tell me what’s going on.”
Swallowing thickly, you shift your bag into your lap, digging around in it for a moment until you can procure what you need. Shakily, you hold out two positive pregnancy tests for him to see. God, pregnancy is so gross. You’re holding pee sticks in your hand.
“I’m, um…”
“You’re pregnant,” Yoongi breathes, eyes widening in amazement as he stares at the little lines. Tearing his eyes away, he gapes at you. “You’re pregnant? We’re going to have a baby?”
“I think so,” you say, chewing at your bottom lip nervously.
“Shit,” he says, grinning so wide you can’t help but return it. “We’re going to be parents!”
Before you know it, tears are streaming down your face, even as you laugh in disbelief along with him. You never should’ve doubted him, not even for a second.
“We’re going to be parents,” you sob, still clutching the positive tests in your hand as you speak through your tears. “Can I put these down? It’s so gross. I peed on these.”
Laughing, Yoongi takes the tests from your hand and sets them aside, pulling you into his lap so he can kiss you silly. “Fuck,” he murmurs, breaking away with a sniffle. “I’m so happy.”
Fuck. He can’t do that. He can’t cry, too. You don’t think you can take it.
“Me too,” you say, wiping at your eyes. Then you smack his shoulder, sniffling yourself. “You can’t cry, stupid. You’re supposed to be the strong one.”
Another laugh bubbles up from his throat, nothing but fondness and joy in his watery eyes. “I think for the next nine months, you’re one hundred percent going to be the strong one,” he says, staring down at your belly with awe.
It’s crazy. There’s nothing there yet, but yes there is.
“Yoongi,” you whimper, mouth twisting as you try to hold back another wave of tears. “We’re going to be parents.”
“We’re going to be parents,” he repeats, swallowing thickly as he meets your eyes again. “Fuck.”
“Fuck,” you agree. You’re delirious, so happy you think you could pass out. “I love you.”
Pulling you into a tight hug, Yoongi rubs your back soothingly. “I love you so much, baby,” he breathes as he nuzzles into your hair.
Nothing has ever felt more right.
four —
Yoongi is going to kill somebody. It’s only a matter of time.
He was close, in that stupid fucking airport. It was going to be that bitchy flight attendant. It was. She’d been testing his patience all goddamn morning, getting testy every time he asked for updates on his flight, and Yoongi was already barely hanging on by a thread. But then he could practically hear your voice in his ear. Don’t be a jackass. It’s not her fault your flight is delayed, you’d say. Because you’re his voice of reason when he can’t keep himself in check.
So the flight attendant was spared.
Then, it was going to be the snot-nosed little brat that kept kicking the back of Yoongi’s seat the whole way home. He had booked the flight last minute, unable to upgrade past economy. Which was fine. It’s not like Yoongi’s a snob!
He was just already pissed off. He wanted—no, needed—to be with you, instead of cruising at 35,000 feet, stuck in his very own personal saw trap. But you’d insisted he go on this stupid ass work trip, eviscerating every single logical objection he tried to make. You were impossible to reason with lately.
So there he was.
In the end, the kid was spared, too. Only because throttling a child would probably look really bad for him, considering the circumstances.
The universe just seemed to be working against him, even after the plane touched down on the tarmac. Because of course! Of course it took him forever to find his stupid suitcase. Of course it took him even longer to get an Uber. Of course there was traffic on the way! Why not? What’s one more ‘fuck you, Min Yoongi’?
And of course, when he finally makes it, when he’s panting and out of breath, suitcase in hand as he searches wildly for the room number he was texted, the first person he sees is not you.
“Well look what the cat dragged in!”
Yeah, Rina might not make it. He’s sure you’ll understand.
Yoongi appreciates Rina, he really does. He tries to be there for you when you need him, but sometimes, despite his best efforts, he can’t be. It’s just the way life works. But Rina always steps in when she’s needed. Today is a great example.
That being said, Rina also has a tendency to step in when she’s not needed. Or particularly wanted. Like the entire past month, living in his guest bedroom to dote on you even though—apart from the work trip you insisted he go on—Yoongi has literally been working from home since month six, at your beck and call.
Yoongi gets it. Rina is your best friend. He knows you’ve been elated to have her closeby this past month. But still, Yoongi would’ve paid for a hotel room for her or something. It’s been a little weird trying to, like, fuck his super hot pregnant wife knowing her best friend is just across the hall.
“Hi, Rina,” he says, deadpan even as he’s catching his breath. “Wanna point me in the direction of my wife?”
“She’s piiiiiissed at you,” Rina sing-songs, grinning like the cat that ate the canary.
Yoongi’s eye twitches.
“Because I’m late?” he guesses.
“Because you impregnated her in the first place.”
“Great,” he says, choosing not to engage. He points at a door. “There?”
“Good luck, champ,” Rina says in response, waving him through. Like he needs fucking permission to see you. Don’t engage don’t engage don’t engage.
Huffing, he opens the door to what he can only hope is actually your room, closing it softly behind him.
“Yoongi,” you warble.
There you are.
Suddenly, it’s like none of the events that have transpired today matter one fucking bit. Not the frantic voicemail he’d woken up to, the delayed flight, the bratty kid, none of it.
You look like an angel. A very pregnant, very stressed angel, but his angel nonetheless.
“Baby,” he breathes. He’s by your side in an instant, carding his fingers through your hair. “I’m sorry I’m late.”
“How was your trip?” you ask, leaning into his touch so sweetly. Man, he missed you.
“About as pointless as I thought it’d be. Just wanted to be with you the whole time.”
“Well, you’re here now.”
“Yeah. I’m here now,” he hums, pressing a kiss to your sweaty temple. “How are you feeling?”
You huff at that, staring up at him like he’s stupid. Or like Rina wasn’t lying when she said you’re pissed at him.
“Like my vagina will never be the same again, thanks to you,” you grumble. “I can’t believe I let you do this to me. I’m going to make you pay, Min Yoongi.”
“Feel free,” he huffs, unable to suppress the small smile quirking at the corners of his lips. He can’t help it. You can be pissed at him all you want, he’s just happy to see you. “I’ll even remind you, if you want. Do you want me to put a date on your calendar?”
“Don’t push it,” you grit out, glaring daggers at him.
“You’re the only one doing the pushing today, baby.”
“God, I hope so,” you whine. “Get this thing out of me! It’s not fair that you get to be a DILF and I have to be all big and gross.”
A DILF???
“Baby,” Yoongi coos, doing his best to stifle the laughter threatening to break free. “You’re so beautiful, Y/N. You’re glowing.”
“It’s sweat,” you deadpan.
“No, I’m serious,” he insists, taking your hands in his despite the way you try to whack him away. Despite his amusement, he’s completely sincere when he says, “You are the most beautiful woman in the world. Don’t be like that.”
“Really?” you pout.
Yoongi nods sagely, squeezing your hands. “One hundred percent a MILF.”
You groan, whacking his hands away in irritation, successfully this time. “Make yourself useful and go get me some ice chips, motherfucker.”
He snorts, backing towards the door with a little salute. “Yes ma’am,” he says. “I’ll be back in a few. I love you.”
“I love you too. Asshole.”
As he slips out of your room, he swears he catches the corners of your lips turning up, although you try valiantly to hide it.
Yeah. You’re going to be just fine.
five —
It’s been nine months—thirty six weeks, because apparently babies are measured in weeks for some reason—since Min Penny was brought into this world. Yoongi doesn’t think he’ll ever get sick of looking at her.
She looks so much like you, it’s crazy. Every time he says that, you’re quick to tell him just how wrong he is—that she has Yoongi’s nose, Yoongi’s eyes, Yoongi’s smile—but when he looks at her, all he sees is you.
He loves it. She’s perfect.
She sleeps every night in a crib that Yoongi built, surrounded by stuffed animals that you handpicked, in a home that you two have made together.
Yoongi couldn’t be happier.
The three of you have spent the last week or so in Daegu, and Yoongi’s parents have had ample time to get plenty of pictures and shower Penny with gifts that she proceeds to shove in her mouth at every opportunity.
It’s time to head back home, but not before a little detour.
The weather is perfect today, giving both of you an opportunity to celebrate Penny’s half birthday the way you’ve been wanting to. A little overcast, but not so much that there’s a chance of rain. Really, it couldn’t be any better.
Yoongi’s always hated the beach, but a weekend trip to Jeju with his family didn’t sound half bad when you’d pitched it. And now that he’s here, sprawled out on a blanket on Jungmun Saekdal Beach while you shovel Jolly Pong into Penny’s waiting mouth, he couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.
When Penny grows disinterested in the Jolly Pong, you take a moment to adjust the little yellow sun hat you’d bought for her earlier and then lean back on your hands.
“Isn’t that view beautiful?” you sigh.
It’s so silly. You’re gazing out into the water, eyes sparkling as you take in the scenery in front of you. It’s beautiful here, it is. Yoongi hasn’t been to Jeju in a long time, and he’s sure the view is just as beautiful as you say. But all Yoongi can see is you. You, the amazing mother of his child.
You’re radiant, glowing in a way that he’s never seen before. Even after all this time, you never fail to take his breath away.
“Yeah,” he hums, his hand curling around yours where it rests in the sand. “It is.”
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laying here in my sleep deprivation thinking about doomed by the narrative jack morrison,,, thinkin about his dream, thinkin about how he wanted too much good for the world that it was only inevitable that it would destroy him
#up against the powers that be....#overwatch would have never been so successful without govt funding#but ovw never truly reached peak liberation and justice for the very same fact that it was govt funded#which makes blackwatch by some degree inevitable#but which also makes the downfall inevitable#the story is the same for all good men who try to save the world#you know that it doesnt end even after you sacrifice yourself for it#that someone has to sacrifice themselves after you too and it cant stop otherwise it be in vain#but you have to sacrifice yourself anyway#you have to#hope makes you think maybe itll be different this time#and then the explosion comes
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Thinking a lot about Orym choosing a rabbit when asked what animal he would pick if cursed with lycanthropy.
Because, it makes sense. Orym is small, quick, agile, jumps well, and is highly perceptive. That definitely evokes rabbit imagery. But a lot of Orym’s identity is also tied up with being a protector – giving people AC bumps, the shield being as much a part of his fighting style as his sword, even his title: Saviour Blade of the Tempest. He wants to be a “Shield that protects Exandria”; his priorities about saving the gods are less about the gods themselves, and more about protecting the people of Exandria from the unintended consequences and bloodshed of releasing Predathos. And it would’ve been very easy to pick a large, strong predator to try and evoke the sense of a protector – a wolf, for example, an animal associated with loyalty and protecting its pack. Yet Orym chose a rabbit.
And I think that’s interesting, because rabbits are often seen as ‘cute’ animals – but they’re also a prey animal. In fact, they’re a common food source for many animals across several ecosystems: foxes, wolves, wild cats, dogs, birds of prey like eagles or owls, coyotes, stoats, and humans (and that’s just off the top of my head). Rabbits are skittish, easily frightened; to be rabbit-hearted is to be timid or cowardly. They are not generally associated with fierceness or prowess in fighting. Mice and rats are prey animals too, but typically seen as vermin (rabbits are sometimes seen as vermin too, but a farmer could eat a rabbit – they wouldn’t eat a rat). Deer are prey, but they have hooves and antlers that bring a danger to hunting them, for any animal – the difficulties of hunting rabbits are more related to their evasiveness, speed and good hearing than any life-threatening danger they might pose. Rabbits are, first and foremost, prey animals. They are killed and eaten, so that another animal might live.
Which made me think a lot about one of Orym’s other key traits: self-sacrifice. Bait and switch doesn’t just bump up his ally’s ACs, it specifically switches their place to put him directly in harm’s way. Goading attack is meant to encourage enemies to attack him instead of his friends. He literally made a deal with a hag, essentially exchanging his own life for power to protect his friends. How many times has he gone down in a fight? He’s not the only tank – but unlike Ashton (and Chetney, who also uses ‘self-sacrifice’ in his fighting style with his blood curses) he has no abilities to reduce the damage from the hits he takes (barbarian rage and the werewolf form).
(Side note: I think it’s pretty interesting that Chetney, the wolf, has attacked Orym, the rabbit, more than anyone else when losing control. That Orym’s facial scar was given to him by a friend, not a foe).
Of course, Orym isn’t the only character with self-sacrificial tendencies (FCG wins by a landslide), but I just can’t stop thinking about how weirdly perfect it is that he chose a rabbit for his animal. Rabbits are prey animals. They are eaten, so that other animals may live. Orym takes the hits, he goads and switches with his team mates to put himself in danger, he makes a deal with a hag at the cost of his own life. He’s a soldier, throwing his life away for a cause over and over again because Ludinus must be stopped, because Keyleth has put her trust in him, because it’s the only way to protect his friends, to protect everyone, because it’s the right thing to do. Orym is a rabbit. He’s always been a rabbit. That day in Zephrah, it could have easily been Orym who died instead of Will and Derrig – “unfortunate but necessary sacrifices”, as Ludinus viewed the attack. It’s unfortunate they had to die, but it was for the greater good, according to Ludinus. It’s unfortunate that a rabbit has to die, but it will feed a family of foxes, or stoats, or even a hungry human, so it’s acceptable, right?
Orym is a rabbit. He is giving himself to a greater cause that could very easily kill him – he already willingly signed his life away to Nana Morri. Because that’s what rabbits do. They die to feed others.
And the theme of being disposable is present across the entire group, not just in Orym – Bell’s Hells has been called a “party of NPCs” before. Aside from FCG’s death, I’d say Laudna perhaps fits this theme the best: she was literally murdered and hung from a tree simply because she looked similar to Vex, acting as a warning to adventurers she had never met before. But FCG’s death was – rightfully – viewed as a terrible tragedy by the group. Laudna’s decision to remove Delilah, finally freeing herself from her abuser and emphasising she is more, and deserves to be more, than just some disposable puppet – this was rightfully viewed as a very good thing! But Orym seems to be embracing this identity of self-sacrifice instead, rather than this mindset being properly challenged or acknowledged as a bad thing. After all, there’s no time. There’s too much at stake. Keyleth, Bell’s Hells, all the memories of those who have died in this fight, all the people who might die if Predathos is released and kickstarts a second Calamity – they’re all relying on him, right? A rabbit feeding so many animals with his sacrifice. And it’s not malicious compared to the way that, say, Delilah killing Laudna was an incredibly evil, fucked up and unnecessary thing to do. If Orym died to save everyone else, well, at least everyone else would be saved, right? Saving lives is good, isn't it? How could he complain?
Because rabbits are prey animals, and Orym is a rabbit too. Destined to die so that another animal may feed.
Except, that’s not true. Rabbits are more than just prey. They’re highly social, and thrive best living with others. They’re playful, they enjoy running around and kicking their legs just to show their enjoyment. They’re inquisitive and mischievous, even being associated with tricksters in some folklore and stories. They’re also associated with innocence, playfulness, spring, youth – all manner of things, depending on the story or culture. And they’re not helpless, either, even if they might be thought of as such. They can bite and scratch and draw blood quite easily if they want to! In fact, freezing up isn’t their only response when being attacked by a predator, they are known to fight back if cornered. They can sprint quickly, they have excellent hearing and senses of smell, they know how to evade predators.
Rabbits are prey, and they are also survivors. They have their own social dynamics, their own habits and dislikes and preferences. They are more than just a wolf’s meal. And Orym is more than a soldier, too. He’s more than a “necessary sacrifice”, he’s more than just a shield and sword. He deserves more than to die for a cause. He deserves a happy ending, just like everyone else. I hope he remembers that.
Orym is a rabbit. And the message isn’t that he shouldn’t be a rabbit. It’s that rabbits are worthy of surviving, too.
#anyway if orym doesn't get a happy ending i will fly to America travel to the CR studios and flip over all their tables#not to be overdramatic or anything#also it took literally all my willpower not to mention Watership Down in this post#nghhhhh must...resist....urge....to talk about....themes of survival in watership down.....nnhghhh....#bro noooo don't sacrifice yourself!!! Brooo you need to be cunning and full of tricks!!!#but ok it's interesting to me that one of the key themes of WD is be cunning and full of tricks and your people will never be destroyed#and most of the El-ahrairah stories w/in the book are about him using his wits to outsmart his enemies and benefit his people#yet the only one where El-ahrairah essentially fails is the story about the Black Rabbit of Inle#where he fails to outsmart the Black Rabbit and the day is only saved because the Black Rabbit gets sick of his shit and finally helps#and that's the story where El-ahrairah decides to give up on survival and keeps on trying to sacrifice himself to save his people#and it's like the dark scary story that most rabbits don't like to tell#so uh Orym reflect on that please#also I'm behind so no spoilers please and also Orym you better not have died while I'm catching up lol#critical role#orym#orym of the air ashari#critical role campaign 3#non witcher
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loving sam winchester is a trap that you will not ever find your way out of. i've been here for over a decade. i keep thinking i've escaped. and then it's 2 in the morning. a tuesday. i'm crying because sam winchester fought tooth and nail to break free of his upbringing's teachings that his life is not his own, only to learn that it isn't, it never was, and he was destined from birth to belong to the devil
#sam winchester#the horrors of having all of your worst fears confirmed and also they're even worse than you thought possible#tmw all you want is freedom and independence but actually your life has only two options: sacrifice your humanity or kill yourself#anyway. been reading a lot of sam winchester fic and meta again. having feelings about it#supernatural#spn#sam winchester lacks bodily autonomy#i feel ill just thinking about him
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Still very wild to me when people try to gotcha Jason with the whole "if you can kill other people for being evil why can't they kill you" when jason is like. One of the most passively suicidal characters I've ever seen. What if man
#augh i dont want to cw this because im just talking about The Character and i feel bad when i do it for characters but i probably should#suicide mention#ask to tag#while im here i do absolutely believe hes been suicidal since jaybin times. maybe even before just in different ways. but like#going into that building with shelia? yeah#now. i DONT think he was aware of it and if youd ask him hed say no fully believing thats the truth#but like if a ghost jaybin had some introspection time i think he'd maybe eventually be like yeah#his outcomes to him were have a loving parent or die and hes a very big fan of ultimatums like that.#but he doesn't fully see it like that as jaybin because oh hes a hero and saving others when no one else can is what heros do :)#ramble. ivee been feeling it lately yknow how it is#ive once saw a post saying jason was planning to die after the joker was dead in utrh and yeagh i can see that#he puts A BOMB in his HELMET#suicidal characters in the context of hero stories are so fascinating to me. the self sacrifice.#the not caring about your own safety as long as you save someone else. the pushing yourself#the way itd be so easy to make it look like they just fell in battle. to be considered a hero in the end#anyway ive been glancing at suicidal jason todd fics. how bad is it that im still getting mad about characterization#because theyre not killing him right#AND ANOTHER THING. since im here and i try to avoid making posts about The Character like this so might as welk get it all out#think about suicidal jaybin as well as the fact 80s bruce very much considered suicidal people/people attempting like#weak and lazy? yells at them? i think thats about it. Very Much. je seems to straight up just hate them#again very much feel free to ask me to tag this one ^-^'#and i hope no one thinks im being callous here im very worried about that. i just its a very important part of his character to think about#and its fun to explore as someone who is passively suicidal myself#jason todd analysis#anyway no one look at me i am in my corner just rotating him#WAIT to clarify i dont think jaybin fully realized Just becauceof the heros sacrifice thing. i made it sound like that i believe#anyway. if you read him as suicidal since jaybin times and go to ditf with that lens like i did. well. the post death victim blaming..
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i think it's actually very brave to fight for yourself when no one else will, to insist upon your own self worth, if only in your own actions and self-preservation, when everyone around considers you worthless or unworthy.
If no one else cares about you, you will care, if no one else loves you, you will try to show yourself love to the best of your ability, even if you don't know it, if no one else will protect you then you will fight for yourself. Keep yourself alive. No one else will and it's you're no less worthy than who you're being told to put yourself to the side for, to die for, to admit you are nothing for.
It's trauma, it's resilience, it's survival, it's fight, it's advocacy, it's perseverance, it's natural, it's difficult, and it's brave.
#i'm not tagging the villain trio individually but...#consider mxy was the only one of that “squad” to sacrifice himself for someone considered more worthy and he's not anymore respected#or considered for it. Nobody thinks of him at all.#If anything NHS gets the credit for his death for baiting him into suicide and that's... Anyway#If SMS died to the Wen - either in CR or in the Cave of Slaughter depending on the version of canon - nobody would even think his name agai#If JGY had “sacrificed himself” things would probably be a lot worse but no one would give him any consideration other than maybe#to deride him for fucking up by sacrificing himself lmao#It's always seen as brave and good to help other people but cowardly and selfish to help yourself but like...#if no one cares to help you and never would then that's just saying other people are more important than you. You don't matter.#and it's actually very good and brave to stand against that I think. You should help yourself esp. if you are the only one who ever will#XY is the clearest example of this tbh. If he didn't fight for himself he'd have been dead a long time ago#as an unloved little 7ish year old child#the same society that condemned him to die on the streets as a child because they simply did not care#now condemn him for not understanding the love that was never shared with him. for surviving when they'd rather he died#because these “bad aspects” of these characters aren't despite surviving tragic pasts and difficult circumstance#and they aren't really because of them either#the “bad aspects” ARE survival
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Can you make a tutorial on how you world build and make ocs? I can't seem to make any people in my brain, but then when I try to come up with environments jobs, beliefs and little details to slowly come up with someone, I think: well I don't really know how people have influenced the world- it's a weird loop
To be honest, I don't think I can! Writing is an extremely personal process. The way I write is directly related to how I process things, what I find important in stories, years of my own analysis of my and other's writing, etc... The way you write will be unique to you, as well. But I can explain how I personally think of it.
The short answer:
Write. Write anything and everything, it's a tool to explore your ideas. Analyze your own writing, and write more. Then, as you discover which ideas you want to develop, write more to explore them more. You won't know what you want otherwise!
The long answer:
I think this kind of loop is common. It's easy to feel like everything needs to be done "at once," because our job as writers is to make elements logically fit with each other for our readers. But as you've discovered, developing multiple elements simultaneously isn't really possible, or at least is extremely difficult.
Personally, when I think of writing, I break it into three major elements; characters, world, and plot. As much as possible every scene explores one or more of these, and as much as possible these three things tie back into what I personally consider most important: theme.
Everything I do is in service of the themes I want to present. Without them my events feel aimless. It can take a while to discover them, but they're the core of my work. You will have to discover what you feel is the core of yours. Analyzing other media helps with this too.
Concepts in your brain exist in a state of infinite potential. But when you start writing you have to start making choices, which removes potential as you move forward... But you have to move forward anyways. If there's ideas you want to explore later, you can always explore them later.
What this ends up meaning, to answer your question, is that I don't think of my characters as "people in my brain" or my worlds as something people have influenced... Not at their core, at least. They are tools that I use to represent specific ideas. Obviously they're also my blorbos, but mostly they're serving a specific narrative purpose.
So above all else... Write. Write, and discover what you're writing about, and then start over and write with that in mind. Keep doing this. But you have to write!
#I wish there were a cleaner answer to this kind of thing#and I also wish that there were a way to answer that didnt feel like 'just do it lol'#but... genuinely you kind of just have to do it!#I find it helps to reframe writing as trying to figure out which ideas I don't like#then if I write anything that feels bad to me#it's not about being a bad writer or anything like that. it's just something I dont want in my story and I delete it.#like if you find yourself naturally coming up with worldbuilding elements. its okay to just start there!#you can start like 'I really want giant mushrooms' and then start thinking about how cool that would be#and like oooh what if there were really cool caves full of mushrooms and all glowy yeaaah#then you start building people from that. colonies of fungal people or something. this is still worldbuilding#then you might think now. whats a plot that could go with this and show off my cool mushrooms.#maybe the mushrooms are all connected and the main one is dying and no one knows why. it's a classic plot.#if you still dont feel like you can find a character in that. keep going! why is it dying? how can it be saved? can it? if not then why?#etc etc etc. when I am writing I actually ltierally write out 101 questions like this as I'm going and then I answer them#and if I cant answer them. then I figure out a different situation that doesnt bring that question up LMFAO#eventually you can decide you want a hero who idfk will replace the big mushroom or something. a sacrifice and immortality simultaneously#then you can be like yeah so my themes are probably about sacrifice. connection to others. love for your community. stuff like that#and then you can go back to your world and say. yeah I think that people should have telepathic communication on some level!#I'm just making all this up right now but I just want to illustrate somehow how this kind of cyclical process can actually be a tool#because it's not about getting it all right at once. its about leaning into the cycle and how it guides you through developing these#anyways idk if this makes any sense. if this doesnt feel like it works for you then it probably literally doesnt#but writing more and analyzing writing more is ALWAYS good#it will never make your writing worse to do those things.#unfortunately (said with all the love in the world) writing is an endless process of learning more about who you are and what you care abou#its wonderful but it's hard and theres no way to skip that process#good luck!#asks#anon#writing stuff#oh also if at any point you go hm. that big thing isnt working for me I think...
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Bleed for God
Grovel at the altar, spill blood
Pray a little louder, come now
Make a sacrifice for – the God
Cry a little louder, come now
Hand in hand, fingers intertwined
Pulled away, they await breakage
A presence, that can’t not be loved
Pulled away, it can’t not damage
Grovel at the altar, spill blood
I’d pray louder if... I knew how
Make a sacrifice for – my God
Cry a little louder, come now
Your lips, such a sweet remedy
Ripped away, unsealing the wound
Healed by your voice’s melody
Ripped away, by its absence doomed
Grovel at your altar, spill blood
I’d pray louder if... I knew how
I sacrifice for – my one God
Lose myself in sobs, as I bow
Your touch, my one point, goal in life
Without it, what’s my direction?
Your touch, my sacrificial knife
Without it, I have no option
Grovel at altars, spilling blood
Chanting all the right words to say
Sacrificing for – every God
Why can’t you love me the same way?��
#this could have turned out better#I got recovered from my brief bout of mental unwellness too quickly I am afraid#ah self-sacrifice#what does it mean really to self sacrifice if you dont give yourself worth#Because no matter how much you give#You will never feel as though you have given enough#you give away all you have yet dont view yourself as having something to give#anyway#blood and sacrifice and gods#who'd have thought i'd write about that amiright#writing#poetry#poem#original poem#poets on tumblr#writers on tumblr#poemblr#spilled words#spilled poem#spilled poetry#spilled ink#poetic#signed; fa
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i feel murderous intent within my bones whenever i see someone calling ten whiny for his "i could do so much more" speech . do not ever talk about him ever again. EVER again. i am in your walls
#dr who#anyway ever regain your will to live bc you've connected with someone that you (bleeding heart. loves people as easily as breathing) see as#almost a father figure . and he tells you that youre a wonderful person and that he doesn't want you to die/sacrifice yourself#(he's known you for such a short amount of time. but he knows how much you mattered to his granddaughter and that means so much)#and then just as you think youve finally made it and survived despite everything you have to sacrifice yourself for him. so he can live#he screams about how it's unfair and IT IS. ITS SO UNFAIR. and also because he's made his decision the second he saw wilf stuck there.#'oh i've lived too long' is how he makes peace with it. he's only lived for six years.#i cried again typign these tags turns out im not over his death lmfao somebody lobotomize me#10 era
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i took sermons of self-sacrifice and putting god and others above yourself and not being "selfish" really seriously and when that burned me out and i learned it's not sustainable to pour from an empty cup all the time i brought it up to this highly respected xtian couple in the church and the first (and pretty much only) response i got was "the verse is 'love your neighbor AS YOURSELF'" as if it was my fault for not "reading the verse properly" when the reason i was like this in the first place is because the church puts so much fucking emphasis on not being "selfish" and viewing others as above you and taking care of others above yourself and glorification of self-sacrifice while never having a single sermon that even says "it's okay to take care of yourself too" and the people who told me that don't know it but their response (and noticing how others respond the same) helped me realize how much this is all just bullshit and is one of the reasons i left
#there are many many reason i've left xtianity#but xtians being so willing to dismiss and blame you for *checks notes* listening to what you have been taught is one of the biggest ones#also that 'it says 'as yourself'' is such bullshit anyway#bc after i left the pastor did a sermon about 'loving yourself' and it was literally#'you can't love yourself properly unless you sacrifice yourself for god and others'#'the world's view of “self love” is evil and unsustainable and horrible and selfish and you can only do it right through selflessness'#and shit like that#i knew people that sincerely believed loving yourself was a sin like i feel like it's weirder to believe it's not a sin with them#anyway!#ex cult#ex christian#religious trauma
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Some panels for a sad comic i never finished :) I still really like these
#What if the sacrifice of one of your closest friends brought a shift in your island’s connection to the fey and magic itself#but despite having yourself a connection with the fey and your other friends managing to feel it#you couldn’t quite sense that presence like they were able to.#anyway#dnd#petrichor#oc#tiefling#dungeons and dragons#the broken island
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spilling out
#art tag#void; sona#ever think about how if you had an immortal body you could sacrifice yourself for your loved ones over and over because theyre more easily#broken than you are so technically your safety matters less in this context so your body becomes your gift to them in a symbolic way and-#(gets dragged away before i start goreposting)#ahem ty sunny for reminding me i didnt post this drawing#i really like it#also technically#this is the isat variant of my sona but this is the only drawing i have so far that im not embarrassed to post publicly#oh the horrors. i start creating a story that i cant even share#anyways i rlly like how i managed to draw the black hole hehe
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If anyone is wondering, thinking about these two has taken over my full attention today (past few days really) so any quality posting on this or my Dracula acc is postponed until tomorrow at the earliest
#path to nowhere#ptn#ptn Rahu#ptn Shalom#they're so toxic but it's mutual so it's fineee#ships be like that sometimes#and that's okay#queer ships in general if you look at media really#but yes#the queer urge to sacrifice yourself for the person who may or may not have ruined your whole life bc you care about them anyways
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okay last one and then I'll shut up but idk if you know the manganime skip and loafer but basically in the manga there's a bit that explores the relationship between a trans character and her niece. and when she's still kinda mostly in the closet/in denial she takes her niece (like 5-6yo i guess) to a flower field and the niece weaves flower crowns and the aunt is like i wish i could wear pretty things like girls too/i wish i could have grown up into a girl as well and the kid is too young to understand but she wordlessly weaves a flower bracelet for her aunt and thats the first piece of jewellery the aunt ever owned/wore and now she's out and happy etc etc anyway. this but trans lesbian sev taking harry in after the events of 1981 and harry weaving flowers for her and accepting her in ways no one ever did except for lily.....
please im gonna need the link to this asap…………
#also ive been dabbling in some girl!harry lately#what if its trans sev and her niece trans harry……#something to Discuss.#imagine being nicknamed the ’boy who lived’ long before you even knew about magic#followed by the nickname and your fate and then you have to win a war and sacrifice yourself#but you LIVE !!!!!!!!!#and the war is over and you become a recluse starting to explore your gender identity….#lots to think about the boy who lived died anyway and the survivor is a woman#asks#sy tag
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everyone jumping to team kamala we will never experience true freedom in this country
#the democrats would vote for fucking hitler if he was a nice guy im convinced#allow me to break down this silly little “you can't focus on morals people's lives are at risk we have to vote blue to stop trump!!!” thing#first of all people's livelihoods are still at risk even when there is a democrat as president#did you forget about the immigration bill biden and harris signed? or you know a fucking genocide#and if people's livelihoods are at risk then shouldnt we vote with out morals? and you know not for the dems who are famously pro genocide#what is the point of voting if you can't vote for who you actually believe in?#and besides this what in this country was actually accomplished through voting? 99% of the progress made was done through violent resistanc#the only reason shit even made the ballot was because people showed they wouldn't accept things the way they are#which is exactly what you are doing if you vote for kamala harris AKA BIDEN'S FUCKING RIGHT HAND MAN#and you just sound like an extremely selfish person if genocide is not your red line#it just sounds like youre saying “yes they murdered palestinians in gaza :( BUT WHAT ABOUT US AMERICANS!!!!”#as if the democratic party has done anything to protect americans anyways. like my job as a voter is not to get the democrats elected#to mitigate damage caused by republicans. that is the fucking democrats job. it is their job to make me want to vote for them#and until they stop massacring men women and children in gaza they will never get my vote#the democrats could openly announce themselves as extreme bigots towards anyone that isn't a cishet rich white man (which they have before)#and you stupid asses will still tell us to vote for them. how evil do they have to be for you to finally consider another option?#and everyone else in the world gets to have other options but america noooo in america we can only have two parties or else you die#and when a democrat is elected and they send another 1 billion to israel i hope youre prepared to live with the blood on your hands#YOU WANTED THIS YOU ENABLED THIS YOU VOTED FOR THIS#the reality you won't face is that there are more options and you could vote for them but none of you are willing to take that risk#yet youre willing to risk the lives of palestinians the lives of transwoman the lives of every person that bitch threw into prison#you people are so hooked on stopping trump (the democrats meaner twin) youre willing to sacrifice everything you stand for#to elect someone who is just as bad as him but is “polite” while they do it. the democrats will never feel pressure to shift to the left#as long as you idiots continue to accept their move to the right. why should they stop the genocide in palestine when youve proven#you'd vote for them no matter what?#no one’s life improved from trump to biden and the same will be true for kamala but you can keep telling yourself they aren’t the same#i’ll be voting green bc that is what i believe in inshallah you grow a spine and do the same until we’re free from these two satanic partie#and dont tell us youll protest after she's elected what would the point be???#youve shown you'd put her in power no matter why should she respond to the pressure?
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