#but you dont fuck with someones housing and expect them to still give any fucks

[never-quite-buried]

Im still so fucking angry. I feel guilty for exploding the way i did especially because it crossed into a relapse but. Im still so fucking angry.

How petty would it be to send her back the money for our Eras tix subtracting out the rent she walked out on? Like she moved in mid-month and i never charged her for that partial rent so honestly i feel like it’d be pretty damn kind of me to not subtract that out too.

[peterparkersnose]

Lovers and Love.

pairing: Joel Miller x reader

word count: 2.4k

warnings: pregnancy (if you don't like don't read), descriptions of morning sickness, anxiety, angst, illusions to sex

a/n back to your regularly scheduled program i dont wanna hear it i don’t write pregnancy stories often (i say this with a modern day au pregnancy joel fic in my drafts). literally my third in a year (back during my wattpad days I would solely write pregnancy stories. ew). i really like how this turned out though, the length is good

summary Y/N tries to hide that she is pregnant and Joel finds out

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read time: 8 mins 47 seconds

“What’s filling that pretty head of yours lately?” Joel asked between each chop of the wood.

“Oh, nothing.” you lied.

“You looked mighty focused on that rock just a minute ago.”

“Better than looking at you chopping wood,” you scoffed sarcastically, getting Joel’s scent off your trail.

What you were really thinking about? The last time you got your period.

Each swing of the axe made you cringe. You begged to think of something different, but the thought had filled your mind for the past few days when your expected period didn’t arrive.

You and Ellie had swept out an old convenience store about a month ago. Ellie found some period products and gave some to you and it made you think.

When was the last time you got your period?

Ever since you were a child you dreamed of being a mother. Raising a family with someone you loved. But when the world fell to cordyceps, that idea was quickly left in the past with every other hope and dream you ever had.

This was no environment for an adult, let alone a child. A baby was an absolute no. The constant crying would attract any creature in a mile radius. It wouldn’t get the proper nutrition babies needed to grow. And giving birth in this world was a borderline death sentence.

And your baby’s daddy? The man you had been hooking up with on the low.

He was meant to move the cargo. You assisted the cargo and made sure it behaved.

It wasn’t your fault when Ellie was captured by David and you and Joel had to hide out in a shed one night alone.

Or maybe that time Ellie went out hunting.

Or the time Joel had to cover your mouth and tell you to shut up because she was asleep in the next room.

You knew Ellie wasn’t a dumb kid, but you were just praying she wasn’t that smart.

But pregnancy tests were nonexistent. Most of them you assumed would be expired. Can pregnancy tests even expire? And condoms, come on. It would honestly be funny if Joel pulled one out as a joke. There was no way any of those were still in use at least five years after the breakout.

“Y/N!” Joel yelled, catching your attention. The volume of his voice caught you off guard. “What’s wrong with you, seriously?” he scoffed, flipping his axe in his hand.

Brushing him off, you helped him carry wood into the small abandoned cabin you had found for the night.

Ellie was sitting on the matted couch with her leg resting on top of the coffee table in what was left of the living room. If you squinted, it looked almost normal. No clickers, no cannibals, just a normal world, a normal Ellie sitting in a normal house.

You needed to quickly get the idea of a normal world out of your head. It wasn’t here anymore. You couldn’t hope and dream like you used to. It wasn’t the time for fantasy land anymore. This was serious shit.

“Thank god, I am fucking freezing!” Ellie announced, rubbing her hands together.

Joel dropped his few planks of wood on the ground. “I’m gonna go look for some blankets and supplies upstairs. Ellie, help Y/N with the fire.”

Ellie groaned and slammed her feet on the floor one by one from the coffee table dramatically. You could already imagine the eye roll she had just given him.

You began arranging the logs into a nice stack. Joel had cut enough to easily last you through the night and maybe into the morning.

“You doin’ okay?” Ellie asked, searching through her backpack for the matches. “Mhm,” you lied, watching her scratch the match and throw it in the dry fireplace.

“Joel said something about-” “It doesn’t matter what Joel said.” you cut her off. Ellie rested back on her legs. She was very obviously disappointed you wouldn’t tell her what was wrong.

Was it really that obvious?

“What did I say now?” Joel asked from the banister. He was carrying blankets in his hands he found in the bedrooms. He had a big smile plastered on his face that only widened when your eyes met his.

Just imagine how he would be. Carrying down blankets for you and your child to make a fort together. Making popcorn and watching a movie as the sky became dark. The child would fall asleep in your arms and the two of you would stare at each other and appreciate the world, the life you made together.

You broke eye contact with him and shook your head.

How could you let yourself think like that?

“That I was the best clicker killer in the group.” Ellie made up, lightening the mood. “Oh really now?” Joel chuckled, throwing all of the sheets down on Ellie.

“Oh thank god, warmth.” she sighed, wrapping herself in as many blankets as she could hold.

You snatched a blanket from Ellie with a smirk and moved in front of the fire. You saw the sun setting from one of the still intact windows. Joel made the bold move of laying directly next to you. Normally you would have been so touched by this little bit of public affection (even though the definition of public, for now, was just Ellie), but you were so exhausted by your mind games from the day that you couldn’t care less.

Ellie curled up next to you. She moved into your chest, wrapping her arms around one of yours. Poor Joel, Ellie got all your affection tonight after all.

After a few minutes, she was asleep.

“You wanna meet upstairs in a bit? Tell her your takin’ a piss or something.” Joel whispered in your ear. His wide hand touched your back, making you tense. He was craving your touch you could tell. It had been a few weeks since your last hookup. “No. Not tonight,” you whispered back, pulling Ellie closer.

“Hey,” he said in a low tone. You turned your head to look at him. “What’s really goin’ on?”

“Nothing,” you lied. “I know when your lying.” he sighed. “Joel, drop it.” you hissed.

Ellie’s head looked up at yours. You felt the movement and immediately reacted.

“I’m sorry, baby girl. Go back to sleep now,” you said sweetly to her, brushing her hair to the side of her face. You could tell Joel noticed how you called her baby girl. That’s what he called her.

“What’s happening?” she asked groggily. “Nothing important. Now back to sleep. We need our energy for tomorrow.” You gave her a reassuring kiss on the top of her head.

Ellie nodded and resumed back to her sleeping spot in your arms.

Joel now sat against the couch, watching the two of you interact.

After a moment of silence to make sure Ellie was asleep again, he spoke.

“You would make a great mother one day.”

Your head whipped around and the look on your face said it all.

“With Ellie ‘n stuff. Sorry,” Joel muttered, rubbing his hands down the front of his jeans nervously. The man never usually let his guard down and say vulnerable things like that and you could tell he was disappointed by your reaction.

“Good night Joel,” you said sincerely. He was right. Ellie was like a little sister to you.

On the brink of sleep, you heard him throw another log on the fire. Blankets shuffled and there was a defining silence. Then the thought hit you.

There was no way he knew, right?

-

The faces matched so perfectly but yet were so different. Joel stood in a kitchen, the kitchen in the house you grew up in. You followed the scent of some sort of food and wandered into the kitchen. Your balance seemed off to you. Looking down, you were met by a large bump. No toes could be seen.

“Mama!” you heard. Your head whipped around to the kitchen table. It was the same oak as you remembered it. A baby sat in a high chair. It had curly (your color hair) and Joel’s eyes. It scared you how fast you recognized his features. Unremarkably, they were copied onto the baby's face. “Come on now, eat your breakfast,” Ellie said, encouraging the child. She appeared next to them with a spoon in her hand, making airplane noises as the child laughed.

“Ellie! Did you finish your homework?” Joel asked her. The oh-so-familiar groan escaped from her lips.

“Yes… maybe…” she began to say as the dream began to fade.

You shot upright, breathing heavily. Then the feeling arose from your stomach.

“Y/N?” Joel asked, shielding his face from the sun rays displaying over his eyes. He watched you run to the kitchen that was left of the living room.

The kitchen sink was the victim of your vomit.

Joel quickly stood up and went to your side. His hand returned to its spot from the previous night.

“It’s okay,” he said. You could tell he was trying to calm you, but it also sounded like he was trying to calm himself.

Tears began to roll down your cheeks as the vomiting came to an end.

“I’m sorry,” you whimpered, wiping your mouth on your sleeve. “No, no. Stop, you have nothing to be sorry about.”

“Joel… please,” you stuttered. You embraced him. His surprisingly warm figure held yours tightly. “It’s okay,” he said again.

“You want to try to go back to sleep?” he asked you. Hesitantly, you shook your head yes.

Thank god Ellie was a deep sleeper when she had been asleep for a while. You could just imagine her putting the puzzle pieces together and announcing it without a second thought. She is a smart girl.

Joel held you on the wood floor. The two of you didn’t care if Ellie woke up to find your embrace. Sleep didn’t return to you, but a sense of peace did. You forgot about the world, the pregnancy, the cold, and the anger for just a moment. It was just you and Joel. The way it should be.

-

“Good morning Mom and Dad,” Ellie said, poking her foot into your shoulder.

Your eyes fluttered open from their relaxed state. “Go find some breakfast and shut it.” you hissed at her. Joel adjusted his hold on you, sighing in your ear.

“Some kid, huh?” he whispered.

“Tell me about-”

“Eugh! What the hell happened here?” Ellie yelled from the kitchen.

“I got food poisoning. Leave it,” you yelled to the kitchen, coming up with your best lie.

“Before we leave you should look upstairs. I thought I saw some clothes you might like. Warmer for the winter too,” Joel grunted, sitting up straight and stretching his arms behind his back.

Using the coffee table to help you up, you trotted across the cold floor and made your way upstairs.

The first bedroom was empty. The second had a few long sleeve tee shirts and a pair of jeans that would fit you. At least for now. You picked up a sweatshirt for Ellie and a book she might like.

The third bedroom seemed to be a children’s room. You were going to look for something smaller for Ellie, but when you opened the first drawer you were met with rows of baby clothes.

Your hands ran over the patterns on the onesies. A baby girl had lived here. Your heart ached as you tried not to think about what her fate had possibly been.

You opened another drawer and it was filled with baby shoes. The memories of swooning over the baby shoes at the store when you were younger filled your mind. The memory of little Y/N mentally picking out which shoes her baby would wear one day warmed your heart.

Opening the top drawer again, you looked through the clothes. You let yourself choose four, one for each season. Easy enough to keep hidden in your backpack. You were too busy looking at the clothes to notice Joel leaning against the doorframe.

You only noticed him when you turned to put the clothes into your backpack.

Audibly gasping, you dropped your bag on the ground along with the onesies.

“I… I-”

“Don’t,” Joel sighed. He bent down and grabbed your bag along with the baby clothes.

“You really thought I didn’t know?” he chuckled, slowly opening the zipper to your backpack.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, face burning red. It’s all you could manage to say. Your brain felt numb.

“No, Y/N. It takes two, remember?” he smiled, holding up a onesie in front of him.

“Been a while since I’ve done this,” he chuckled, beginning to fold the clothes. You stared at him astonished.

He was taking this news surprisingly well. You expected him to leave you somewhere, or even worse. The fact that he was smiling and folding clothes for a baby in this world was shocking.

“How did you know?” you asked him. He gave you the side eye and smirked. “I know your body like the back of my hand. I just have to close my eyes and…”

Joel closed his eyes and the stupidest grin grew on his face.

“Stop it!” you blushed, giving him a playful slap on the arm. “I notice things, darling,” he said, assuring you everything was right.

“How long have you known?” you asked him. You nervously dragged your finger across the dresser’s carved pattern. “Week maybe. Figured it was either that or you were hidin’ a bite. I prayed you were pregnant instead of bitten.”

“You also were avoiding me as much as you could,”

You looked at your shoes. “I really just didn’t want to think about… you. This.” you admitted.

“I’m not mad, sweetheart. Pick a few more, I have room in my bag.”

You opened the drawer again and went for your second pics.

“Your not mad?” you asked him. “I’m not thrilled. When I figured it out it wasn’t fun. But now…”

“What about now?” you asked him. Joel sighed.

“If I heard right…” he began.

“My shithead little brother has started a settlement up in Jackson.”

“Tommy?” you asked, folding a pair of baby shorts. “Get ‘sum them shoes too,” Joel muttered, pulling at the handle of the drawer.

“Jackson’s about a few day ride from here. I can't guarantee he’ll be happy to see me but it’s our best hope.” he assured you, placing his hand back on your back. This time you accepted his touch and pushed back on it.

You both agreed that would be the next step in your journey.

“Any name suggestions?” he asked you, handing you back your backpack.

“Jesus Joel, I haven’t even thought about that.” you said, swinging it on your back.

“What about Ellie Junior?” you heard her ask from the hall.

You and Joel made quick eye contact and then looked back at Ellie. Your mouth fell slightly open. The fear expressed over your face, you were basically a deer in headlights.

She walked into the bedroom with a shameful look on her face. “I wasn’t trying to listen I promise. This house seems to echo.”

The t

tag list: @dani5216 @uwiuwi @alohastyles-x @mandoloriancookie @maddieinnit0 @alexxavicry @scoliobean @avengersfan25 @nyotamalfoy @milly-louise  @undeniableadrenaline @evyiione @qualitypudding @jmillerswife @mxtokko ​

[thecynthh]

end game - M.S

synopsis - through matt and y/n’s life both of them never thought they would be hooking up, but what happens when everyone finds out about them and it blows up in their face.

2.6k words

notes - IM NOT HATING ON MADI I JUST NEEDED SOMEONE TO USE FOR STORY PURPOSES. (im her biggest fan dont cancel me)

(synopsis for a new series that i’m working on is featured)

this is for @annamcdonalds67 contest!! i saw the post and saw how many taylor swift songs were there and this was one of my favourite ones out there and i got insanely inspired. please share some love to anna as well bc she deserves it for organizing this !

warnings - smut->angst, small matt sub, riding, oral (fem receiving), childhood best friends to fwb to lovers, badboy!matt x goodgirl!reader

for lacysturniolo and her amazing work and dedication to her fans, i’ll look up to you, forever and always

-

matt barely made it through the door before his arms were strangling me in a death inducing kiss. in my whole 17, almost 18, years of life i never expected in my life did i think my childhood best friend would be the one crushing me with his lips. we’ve both dated around but through it all we ended up here.

“fuck, matt” the breathy name escapes from my mouth feeling him move down to my neck leaving stinging hickeys with his talented mouth. “god im glad your parents aren’t here, don’t think my good kid image would keep up if they heard you.”

“you’re so inappropriate matt” my eyes roll listening to him rub in how much my parents love matt. “come on, i don’t like the idea of you fucking me on any other surface than in my room especially in my parents house.”

“whatever you say princess,” the small smirk he’s always had since he was 12 still looms over me as i lead him towards the grand staircase. he followed very close behind me keeping his arms and mouth on my neck.

it doesn’t take long till he’s holding my arms above my head with his fingers intertwined with mine. “matt, fuck, please can you just fuck me now.”

“you don’t get to be impatient, you called.”

“and you came.”

“you are about to as well.” i wanted to wipe that smirk clean off his face if his body didn’t feel so right pressed up against mine.

we haven’t told anyone about us yet, not even nick or chris. we both knew it would only make things worse, and i was alright with keeping it a secret. i’ve spent enough of my closeted and innocent. I'm a teenager, teens are supposed to do this type of thing. teens may hook up but maybe not with their childhood best friends

his mouth trailed down from my neck, to my sternum, all the down to between my thighs before he yanked my legs down to come closer to the edge of the bed.

3RD PERSON POV

matt’s hands never seem to have left y/n's body, exploring every last inch of her body. her arms, legs and heart were his. matt spends no time wasted connecting his lips to her clothed heat, within seconds she’s shimming her pants and underwear off.

there was a small knock on the door with an awaiting friend, madi was there to meet up with y/n to pick up the homework she had missed that day. without an answer from the door, madi looks around the house through windows and cracks in the blinds.

only seeing a light shown through from the living room, she wanders off to the balcony and fire escape on the side of the house. it was only a flight of stairs and a half till madi was on par with the balcony, it was a short climb till she was onto the balcony. the only thing blocking madi and the couple was a transparent creme coloured cloth with embroidered rose accents.

y/n’s loud moans escaped flooding her bedroom, escaped through the window. the curtains sway giving madi an opening to see matt fully down on her friend and her enjoying it. madi’s mouth gapes open as ashe slides her phone out of her pocket.

the camera app opens quickly as she swipes to record.

the small blip of her phone pipes up as she capturns the full scene on camera, the summer sunset gave a yellow glow to the recording. matt rips off his shirt with one arm dipping right back to y/n’s core.

madi’s only thought was to share it to her best friend, nick. little did she know nick wasn’t the only one she sent it to, but her homework group. madi continued to record through the small slit of the window.

science 4 group

madi 🩷

* view one attachment *

HOLY SHIT LOOK MATT AT Y/N’S HOUSE!!!!

Y/N’S POV

“matt, matt, matt” the release came to me in an instant. “come on baby girl, you did so well. you ready?” the sound of his belt come undone only made me hotter. before another word could be exchanged i grab his shoulder pulling him down to the bed rolling on top of him.

“i’ll ride you till your dick is limp and your begging me to stop.” matt’s reaction only made me feel even more aroused. “anything for you baby,” matt said copying my tone of voice.

stationing my legs on either side of his i bend down to kiss him, pressing my pebbled nipples onto his bare skin, slowly grinding down onto his raging hard on.

his whines only intensify the burning seer of his skin touching mine. my hand follows in suit with my hips feeling every last vein of his dick through his boxers. “a-ah!” matt whines due to me pressing my finger into his slit.

pushing his boxers down his dick springs out slapping against his happy trail. “please please please y/n please.”

“please what, pretty boy?” i mock feeling the surge of power flow through me.

“please fuck me,” he whimpered out. for such a bad boy exterior, he sure doesn’t act like it now.

without waiting another second for him to say something else i sink down onto his throbbing dick feeling him fill me up so well. “mhhm, matty you feel so good.”

“ugh, only for you b-baby.” matt’s barely keeping it together, while i bounce up and down on his cock. speeding up every second. i begin to grind onto his pelvis as i slam down onto him with his body slightly grazing my clit in the best way possible.

“matty, im a-about to c-cum. do it with me.” his hands sneak onto my love handles as i lean up against him again, he attaches his mouth to my nipple that was dangling in front of him. his hips snap up and down, pushing insanely deep inside me. “m-matt!” a loud pornographic moan comes out of my mouth feeling the knot in my stomach break, feeling a huge relief. he follows soon after letting out a guttural grunt.

i roll down beside him, both of our deep breaths fill the room. “fuck, oh my god.” i breathed out, heaving my chest. i turn to face him, putting my hand against his chest and my head onto the arm that was stretched out near me. my curtains move and sway with the blow of my fan as i see a shadow fall off of my window, it must've just been an animal.

“i don’t think i can walk,” i confess feeling him look over to me. my hand travels to feel his scruff that he’s been growing out the past few weeks, it’s never gotten that long but it’s still very apparent. “hmm, lemme take care of you okay? we can even get mcdonald’s, im fine driving out to the further one if you're scared of people to see us.” he combs his hand through my hair, tugging a little relieving some heat and pressure my head has collected.

he pushes himself up and goes to the bathroom, turning on the shower and coming back to retrieve me.

-

this whole day it felt like people were staring at me left and right, i haven’t even been in the building for more than 20 minutes and i’ve had three people quickly lose eye contact with me when they were the one staring first.

i haven’t matt yet but i was really hoping we would be able to meet up at our usual spot, im snapped out of my trances feeling someone's hand on my shoulder squeezing it a little. i jump a little whipping my head towards the rest of the hands body, thank goodness it’s just nick. “babes, we gotta talk.” he said in a monotone voice, “why what’s up?”

“just give me a second, stop moving.” i listen to him and stop in my tracks seeing nothing wrong with today but the staring. “okay now what happened last night,” nick said now holding me down with both hands.

“well if you must know, my parents are out of town, like you knew and i stayed home studying before going out for mcdonald’s.” the lie slipped out from my mouth with ease hoping to keep matt and my secret a secret for a little longer.

“okay then maybe it isnt that serious…” nick trailed off, his shoulders were very visibly tense, not letting off since he caught up to me. “what are you talking about? but come on lemme at least go to my locker.” he reluctantly let’s go knowing i’m stronger than him.

“y/n wait– just know i have no clue if its true or if it's even you.” he says following in suit with me. “nick, still no clue what you are talking about.” my locker lock clicks a few times before i'm able to get it open.

a large barrage of papers fall out of my locker all having the same image pasted on them. my mouth drops open as i turn my head to nick. he picks one up from the top of my locker, unfolding it and making a sour face to it. “what? what is it?”

he slowly hands it to me, folding it back up before i get ahold of it.

my heart dropped.

it was a grainy picture of me riding matt last night, his hands on my hips and my face looking at him with pure lust. it was taken through my window and luckily you couldn’t see much of matt’s face and next to none of mine. but people knew, everyone knew it was me.

picking up a few other copies, some of them have the words slut and whore written on them in large words. if they printed a picture it must’ve been everywhere online, i cannot stand being here another minute.

stuffing a couple copies into my bag i storm out of the building feeling tears stinging my eyes, y/n how could you let this happen? what’s going to happen when harvard finds out about this? there goes your life, your friends, your boyfriend and your future. quadruple kill.

i sit in my car and just drive, drive to the only place that’ll bring me any kind of peace at this time. it was only a 3 minute drive from the school to the large forest that surrounded the school. i parked my car on the slightly wet gravel, hearing the crunch of the rocks beneath the tires.

i walked and walked till the trees seemed to clear a bit, the grass was wet and squished under my shoes. brunette hair peaks from behind a tree, it was like the picture was being painted in front of me this whole time. matt came here too, he came to where we met the first time.

he stumbled into the forest after getting chased by a couple of guys once he tried to start a fight.

something brushed by the bushes alerting me, a boy in an oversized hoodie over his stained red white tee. jeans scuffed and a little dirty as he flops down on the grass in front of me. i can hear him panting as his chest rose and fell with deep breaths.

he tilts his head to finally see me, i still sit there frozen with my book in hand slowly reaching for my keys being cautious incase he tries to go for me next. “i see, you know. im not gonna hurt you. i would never hit a girl.” his words are slow and very unconvincing. “do you talk? he asked, glancing at me again. he finally sat up and came closer to me, my hand clutches the house keys even harder as he steps plop in front of me.

his body collides with the tree as he sits next to me, his sweet and salty cologne fills my senses, feeling it cloud my thoughts. he takes the book from my hands and closes it looking around at it.

“everything has changed by cynthia atlan, we crave love so much we would trade anything for it, including ourselves. caleb and cam grew up together, had their first kiss together but still haven’t thought about getting together. when highschool life takes a horrible turn the two become separated and distant, caleb doesn’t wanna let cam go but life takes turns and loops. how are they able to navigate hormones, relationships and life? sounds like a hoot.” his sarcastic voice says otherwise.

“this caleb guy doesn’t sound like he really deserved her huh…” he flips through the pages quickly glancing at a couple words per page.

“well, i guess i should go, but i’ll see you around here i hope.” his smile beamed brightly as he pushed himself up and looked back at me.

“hm, maybe” it comes out almost as a whisper. his face lights up as he takes my words as an accomplishment. “yeah, i’ll see you around here, tomorrow.”

he never gave me my book back before he left and i didn’t even realise it. i guess that’s one way to make me come back

“matt?” i get out between choked sobs. i didn’t even need to see his red eyes and face to tell he’s also been crying.

he peered over to where i was looking up and down before attempting to wipe away his tears and sadness. i didn’t think twice before joining him.

his brown hair is tousled by him running his hand through it many times and his tear stained eyes tell more than what he wished.

“y/n i-i’m so s-sorry.” his tears spilt once more making any effort of wiping them away futile. he wrapped his arms around something and hugged it tight. it was my book he stole from me when we first met. “i’m so so so fucking sorry i’m such an idiot.”

“matt, please it wasn’t your fault. but i am terrified, i don’t want to ever go back to school.” my voice cracks while trying to get through that sentence. matt doesn’t even utter another word before he tugs me into him, straddling him as he wraps his arms around me in a tight hug.

“i’m so sorry y/n, i didn’t wanna face anyone after i left. when i walked in everyone was applauding and people shook my hand, i had no clue why until chris and nick texted me about it.”

his pure sincerity makes me suffocate him a little more not wanting anyone else around but him. he puts a hand around my cheek guiding it to him to kiss, i get a good look of his equally dishevelled face.

“we are so fucked.” i giggle a little thinking about how much a shit show this will be when we get back.

“is this what they mean in everything has changed that high school life would take a bad turn? because i’m happy to go through it if it means we get our happy ending. you’re my end, end game.”

“yes matt, this is everything. we are the happy ending. we are end game” my quivering lips connect with his.

[azureforreal]

Can you give us some facts about Splendid and Splendon't?

Didn't expect someone to be interested on them, all right

Do you enjoy reading? Cuz there will be a lot of that, had to draw some things tho QHAUAHUAHUAHAU

Get ready cuz this is a rideeeeeee

First I need to explain their relationship from the very beginning

Its a big

"I did what I thought was the best for you"

(AND ITS BOTH SIDES)

Growing up Splendid ended being that child who does everything, "the jack of all trades" kid, or being called "the gifted kid". He basically did things using recognition and praise as fuel until hie ended up crashing with a big burnout and a lot of high expectations on his back. Its to a point were he was being taken for granted, "Of course he would do that, he's Splendid after all"

In the end he noticed he had never lived for himself, it was always for the wishes of others.

And he wanted to protect his brother from that. He wanted him to have his own life, free from the gaze of others.

So he decided to take everything to himself so his brother wouldn't face the pressure or constant glares, of course, it came with the price of him growing distant from his brother for being way too busy.

But for Splendont, it ended with him becoming the child who was aways being compared, the "not good enough" one. So he just accepted that becoming his bitter self, becoming the opposite of his brother and not giving a fuck about what others think.

Then the war came and Splendid wanted to enlist with the intention of freeing himself from the weight of expectations for a while and trying to have some time to himself, perhaps follow his dreams of escapism that he had while reading comics.

And to his surprise, his brother wanted to enlist too. Splendid was against it but when Splendont set his mind or something, its too late.

Fast forward to after the war, it still a difficult relationship for both of them

Its not something they can just shake hands and be happy go lucky best brothers, there was a lot of negligence and postponing things for later until it was too late.

And they are too prideful to settle things down first or ask for help, in that aspect, you can see how much they are alike

NOW LETS GO BACK TO SILLY STUFF

Splendid is the oldest twin just by a few minutes

They live in the same house and this makes a scene in chapter 3 hilarious, Splendid knew exactly were his brother went after leaving him alone in the street "Bro, I literally live with you"

They have nicknames, Splendid can be called as Did and Splendont can be called as Don (yeah, without the "t" because the amount of puns it was possible doing with it made him soooooo mad XD)

Splendid had a wish of becoming a photographer, the idea of freezing memories eternally console him from his reality, but OH BOI, do we have some news for him

Splendont doesn't like wearing the hat from his uniform, the first chance he gets, he's taking it off, Splendid its not a fan of it too, but he tries to hide it and show he follows the rules.

They do dumb competitions against each other (Splendid wont admit it out loud but he's extremely competitive), like getting to the end of a corridor first, getting in the line first etc

Sometimes they will team up to piss off Flippy, they have many inside jokes about acting like is the end of the world every time Flippy shows any respect

They would look like this in human form. As they are twins, Splendont is basically a red Splendid if he didn't tie his hair, and yes, they have an ahoge, NOBODY IS STOPPING MEEEEEEEEEEEE

They are conventionally handsome while Flippy is that one analogue horror looking friend, so you can imagine what the three look like together (Flaky has shoujo filters in her eyes, she grew up with him)

Splendid has a bad vision when it comes to reading things up close. He sees it as a weakness someone could use against him, so he tries to hide it, sometimes he forgets his glasses at home

but somebody dont.

Then he proceeds to throw a chair at him

"NOW you can see it coming" XDDDDDDD

As much as Did tries his best to keeps things civilized, sometimes he has a huge family drama fight at work with his brother while Flippy is in the background asking himself "Could I use this as blackmail?" QHAUHUHAUAHUAHUAHUAHAHA

But why Splendont decided to join the army in the first place? I leave that interpretation to you, what do you think it was? kekekekeke

[cathchicken]

Ok so after a bit of me actually taking time to think about the collectors situation this is my sort of realized opinion: (warning: it is very long)

As I saw someone else state, the collector was previously imprisoned for like hundreds of years on the isles. Probably not a nice memory to have. Although, it was pretty much only with you know who, so it’s not like he’s gotten sick of or holds a feeling to flee the entire demon realm itself. But I dont feel bad if he wants some space (haha)

Aside from his siblings, there wasn’t really a specified thing for him to dislike the stars in any way. If anything he felt more comfortable there. he probably misses it a little bit, given the starry aesthetic of the archives and stuff. NOW don’t take this as me saying he is better off there. If anything, I am still a little nervous about the whole situation. The ambiguity of “the stars”, while I like in a petty fashion, doesn’t give much confirmation on what he’s actually dealing with. It is something familiar at least, but we don’t even know if it’s literally space or just another realm (parallel to the demon realm or human realm). If I had to hope of anything though, that if they meet their siblings, he beats them to a pulp. Fuck them. I don’t think he’d get tricked by them again, since he’s clearly figured out their shit even before season 3. Overall, I wish they elaborated on the realm before having him just whizz off there at the end. It could be good or bad, but in the end we do sort of have a reason to feel “wait wtf come back” and “where are you going??” In a way.

NOW the other thing! That people who are angry about this situation are bringing up (and that I mainly agree with). Which is the whole “found family” message of the show, and also the “nobody argued” line. Now, thinking about it from the shoes of Luz/Eda: powerful being who sort of just brainwashed (? Idk what to call the puppet situation. Controlled..? Eh, you know what I mean) a shit ton of people and doesn’t seem to care about their well being. Face-value. BUT!! (Big but) They also see that this being is a child that genuinely does want normal things like love and truth, but doesn’t understand concepts like death and friendship. They see a kid that is really upset, but trying their best to make others perceive themselves as “approachable” and/or worthy of their time (oof). Overall, trying his very best. Luz specifically sees all of this, and even makes an effort to congratulate the Collector when he attempts to take what she said into heart. He IS perfectly capable of expressing himself in a healthy way, he really just needs a proper parental figure to help him out. (Stares aggressively at Camila until she burns up). He’s not “uncontrollable”, he’s just lived the past few years with a crusty old puritan and has essentially learned the exact opposite of what he’s trying to accomplish.

Then, we get to the scene where the “nobody argued” line hits. Oog. I can understand that they think he should take time to himself after all of… that. And they probably respect his choice to mature too. ALTHOUGH. Like, after everything I’ve previously pointed out… wouldn’t any of them be a t i n y bit concerned about him going off all alone again? His whole ordeal these years has him being afraid of being alone!! He is ofc welcomed to the owl house, and can return whenever he likes, but, just like us, we don’t know crap about the star realm. The only things they know is that out there, he has shit siblings that fucked him up. Wouldn’t at least some of them be concerned? I do have a feeling he is going to be fine (we “sort” of see him in the credits so he’s alive which is to be expected). But still, in that moment, it would be weird that “no one argued”. All I would have wanted was someone to say “but will you be ok alone?” And then saying “oh yeah! I like it there, I know how to get around/ I have people there that I am cool with 👍” and then that. Like a little thing… idk. I do like that idea that after a few days he comes back because he realizes “actually I am mentally 9 (and possibly autistic) I don’t know how to figure out social cues on my own.” Like again there could be star people who are cool and will fill that place, but that’s only speculation. This whole time they were building up the idea that he shouldn’t be alone and needs others to figure stuff out! Because he was with Luz, only for a little bit, he absorbed the idea that giving kindness, when it’s deserved, is a better way to make friends than forcing people. And because he was with Luz, he learned (the hard way) how scary and forever death really is. Then in that ending scene with him, he just… figures he will be cool without them for a bit, and they agree too. (?) rehghfjk. This wasn’t a totally terrible decision, but the ambiguity of it just!! Makes it reasonably to feel ok with. How long will he be gone at a time? Are there other people he will be with? We aren’t exactly given an answer. We get allusions, but that’s it.

I am at least glad that King, of all people, would tell them that he wishes the collector would come back soon. (Was that another way of them saying he would come back sooner than later? It’s not confirmed so idk) I like this because, well, King was essentially the person that the Collector was closest to. (Besides Belos but he was the exact opposite on the spectrum of cool people to hang out with) King, as a kid himself, would relate most to him. He says that himself in FTF. He is understandably pissed at the whole puppet thing, but he understands that “I should address this but also acknowledge he doesn’t know better to an extent”. King would want to treat the Collector as he would himself, and how he knows how important having a family, whether it is blood or found, is important to oneself. King wouldn’t be half the character he is nowadays if it wasn’t for Eda and Luz to accompany him. When he told the collector “I hope to see you again” that makes sense; he knows that the collector would benefit from having people like how he did, and it would be beneficial, regardless if the collector does get proper parental figures in the star realm, if he would see them often. And ofc, he would probably genuinely want to hang out with them as well. He was glad to be their friend, to an extent. He was never totally unhappy about his situation in FTF. Also, him giving the Collector Francois at the end was really cute. Just in case he needs a buddy until he gets there. As far as we know, the collector needs Francois more than King does. And I think King knows that.

Ok so I think that’s it for my thoughts. If I suddenly remember something I will add it in. I’m not saying that I’m right or wrong, this is just how I genuinely feel. Feel free to comment your own opinions!! I am open to have my mind changed. In the end, I guess I just want the best for my little blorbo. Can you blame me…??

[thegamingcatmom]

OK, I know that Tanya and Carmen most definitely won't allow it....BUT

Sometimes, a girl's gonna crave a good burger and fries or like ice cream.

And I can't help but think MC asks one time idk on a car ride if they can stop at McDonald's or something, and they go no, immediate shut down.

Carmen and Tanya give her the look when MC tries to reason with them

And MC just gives up after getting the look.

BUT who's the most likely to allow it cause they dont care as much? 👀

Kate

So I'm imagining MC after knowing what Carmen and Tanya would say when a craving for junk food hits just looks over to Kate and later finds her to ask if she can take her to McDonald's or to get some junk food to hide or snack on.

Kate? On board

Easy way to score points with MC

Cheshire cat grin of evil cause MC came to her for this

Or reverse it

When MC is eventually comfortable enough around the Denali's and has accepted her fate(kinda?idk)

She bargains

Kate:hey wanna go somewhere, but I get to carry you around

MC:is it home? (like MC's home before she got taken)And what's in it for me?

Kate:no? And what do you want besides going home?

MC:.....can we get ice cream on the way? Or maybe just stop by McDonald's? I just crave fast food

Kate:the widest grin as she speeds up to MC picks her up bridal style and rushes off

(Wait I forgot MC don't know bout vampires....eh small details) :p

So yeah, the thought of Kate just secretly buying like gummy worms, candy, other junk foods as treats

For MC, if she craves something to score points, get on the good side of MC getting closer to her, pissing off Tanya

-📚

Okay, I just HAD to answer this as soon as I got home from- *drum roll*

MC DONALD'S. 🍔🍟

(No kidding. 😅)

And, seeing how I've read your ask this morning (before going out), I couldn't not imagine MC and her forced-found family in that very scenario. I was sitting there, eating my burger, like-

LMAO.

Anyhow-

.

First of all: Tanya might be persuaded. With the correct...incentive. 😏

Second of all: Seeing how that´s never (for the time being) gonna happen in MC´s books, guess our girl will have to bribe someone else.

.

Carmen?

I mean-

Listen-

That woman would do just about anything for her daughter-in-law charge. Unless that anything is dangerous, or reckless, or foolish, or suicidal, or-

In other words: Anything to do with fast food. 💀

.

Eleazar?

Well-

Listen-

He´s...alright...ish(?) to be around. When he´s not being creepy, that is. (He´s just a bit of a nerd, leave ma boy alone, MC.) But he´s also very devoted to his wife, which is a great thing in itself, no doubt about it. However-

He´ll ask what his wife said.

(MC will lie.)

(Eleazar will see right through it.)

Then he´ll deny MC because Carmen has too. It´s as simple (and painful) as that. 🤷‍♀️

.

Irina?

...

Do you think MC has a death wish?

.

Well, that leaves only one option, really-

Kate.

The middle sister wants to give in right away.

FINALLY some fun happening in this house. Fun that clearly goes against her sister´s wishes. Could this get any better??

...In fact, it can.

Because Kate also realizes how desperate MC is (despite trying her damnest to hide it.) And thus, she realizes she´s in a position where she can make demands. See what else she can get out of it, yknow?

(Kate´s the biggest lil shit, what did yall expect? Then again, Tanya ain´t that much better. She´s just less...straightforward about it. 😏)

"What kind of demands", you ask? Well-

.

(This is clearly after MC has already asked the dreaded question and then some because conversing with Kate Denali is anything but simple...)

MC, already done af with this conversation: "...Well?"

Kate: *eyes MC up for the umpteenth time, the shit-eating grin still firmly in place*

Kate: "Hmm..."

MC: 🙄😑

Kate: 😏

Also Kate: "Say, little spitfire...do you remember our conversation about how you ask for something?"

(Yes, the one in Chapter 3.)

MC, not in the mood for that shit...again: *turns around and begins to walk off cause fuck that, she´s gonna get that burger, with or without the help of that-*

Kate, internally: *panics cause her plan is about to backfire...again*

Kate, pretends to be annoyed: "My god-Wait."

MC: *stops but doesn´t turn back around yet*

Kate, while MC´s back is still turned: 🤯😩💀

Kate, internally: *think, think, think!*

Kate, pretends to be annoyed: "I´ll do it."

MC: *starts to turn around-*

Kate: *from 💀 to 🙄so damn fast cause girl gotta play her cards right while she still has them*

MC, suspicious af cause there ain´t no way it´s that easy: "...Really? Just like that?"

Kate, internally: *starts celebrating cause that´s the cue she´s been waiting for*

Kate: 😒...😏

MC: *already regrets every decision that has led to this very moment*

MC: "What do you want?"

Kate: "Careful with that phrasing, little one..."

MC: *starts to turn around again-*

Kate: "Why me?"

MC: *turns back to face her*

MC: "...What?"

Kate: "You heard me."

MC: "..."

Kate: 😏

Also Kate: "You wanna know what I think?"

MC, without missing a beat: "No."

Kate, without missing a beat either: "I think-"

Kate: *slinks closer*

Kate: "-that my stuck up family denied your cute little ass, so you came to me."

MC: "..."

Kate: *comes to stand directly in front of MC, that shit-eating grin back in full force*

Kate: "Am I right or am I right?"

MC: "..."

Kate: "Yknow...this won´t work if I´m talking to a toaster-"

MC, thoroughly done with listening to that voice: "And what of it?"

Kate: *bull´s-eye*

Kate: "I wanna hear it."

MC: "...What?"

Kate: "You heard me."

MC: "..."

Kate: "Come now...it´s not that hard."

MC: "..."

Kate: "Lemme help you:

'Kate the Great is so awesome for taking me to MC Donald´s!'

...See? Not too difficult, is it?"

MC: "..."

Kate: "...No? Hmm, how about-

'Kate the Great is the coolest Denali to be around and not at all stuck up like the rest of her family!'

...?"

MC: "..."

Kate: "...Yeah, that was a bit too simple, wasn´t it? Everyone knows that."

MC: "..."

Kate, sighing: "...Look, if you want that burger, then you gotta make amends."

MC, confused af: "...Make amends?"

Kate: "Ahh, she speaks! But yes, make amends."

MC, still confused af: "...For what??"

Kate: "Well, I did ask if you remembered our convo all those weeks ago."

MC: "..."

Kate: "Yknow, the one where you left poor ol me standing there like a fish out of water, waiting for a plea that would never come."

MC: "..."

Kate: "...Ask me again. Nicely."

MC: "..."

Kate: "What´s the magic word?"

MC: *knows exactly how that convo went down, most tempted to give the same answer she gave back then*

MC: "..."

Kate: 😏

MC: *imagines taking a bite of that burger*

Kate: 😏

MC, gathering all her willpower: "...Please."

Kate, internally:

Kate: "...Good."

MC: "..."

Kate: "..."

MC: *coughs in awkward*

Kate: *stares right into MC´s soul*

MC: *stares back*

Kate: *gaze starts drifting down-*

MC, loudly: "WELL-"

Kate: *jumps slightly, which is a feat considering she´s a vampire and not easily startled*

MC: "I dunno about you, but I´m starving and I believe I was promised a burger, sooo..."

Kate: *takes a moment too long to get her shit together, how embarassing-*

Kate, back to being Kate: "First of: I didn´t promise anything. Second-"

MC: *mentally preparing to have her dreams crushed because ofc it was too good to be true-*

Kate: *back to staring right into MC´s soul*

Kate: "...I´m starving too."

MC: *way too focused on finally getting that burger to grasp the actual meaning of that statement*

MC: 🤩 "Great! Let´s go then!"

Also MC: *proceeds to skip out of the room*

...

MC has never skipped out of a room before.

MC has never smiled at her before.

Kate thinks she likes it.

A lot.

.

OKAY-

This got WAY longer (and more emotional) than I thought it was gonna be, BUT-

It got us some soft!Kate and I´m so here for that. 😤✊

Also, every time I´m thinking MC can´t possibly get any more blissfully unaware, she goes and is even more blissfully unaware. 😭

.

.

.

Oh, btw: Even if the sister were to use their super speed around MC (which they have, if you remember), she won´t be any wiser. Why should someone conclude that they´re vampires from that? As far as MC´s concerned, they´re humanoid creatures with special abilities/super powers.

They could be Power Rangers, for all she knew. 😅

Thanks a lot for your ask! 💋

.

EDIT:

Oh, and also: Kate would´ve said "yes" sooner or later, regardless of how that convo went. As you said, it´s all about scoring points with MC. And if she gets to annoy her sister while she´s at it?

Jackpot.

Also also: She´s no doubt very pleased MC came to her, no matter if she was the first choice or the last resort. What counts is that she got to spend some quality time with the hooman.

...Something her older sister seems to be struggling with. 😏

(She´ll also be very pleased to rub it in Tanya´s face later that day. 😌)

[caluski]

again, a brief moment of self-reflection :-)

turning a little older yet again, i think its funny to see myself changing still. i wont lie that my life feels that much different from what it used to be - but other than boring things such as employment or housing or the lack of relationships, something has perhaps shifted in a bit quiet way, one you usually notice upon retrospection much later.

i think im still pretty much a hopeless romantic, in that stupid, proud, dramatic way that makes me absolutely fucking insufferable. everything must be either grand or tragic. obviously, its not a bad thing in itself, but it does make me far too self indulgent for my own good. i know i have to learn patience towards others, and domesticate my solitude, otherwise soon life will drive me even madder... there is a lot to reconsider when it comes to what i expect from life and people in my life, even if it feels like i overthought everything to death and back already.

the big goals for 29th year is definitely going back on meds. or should i say, finding meds that actually work for me. theres a lot that i want - such as moving out and becoming independent, having a stable job i dont have to worry about losing, or finding companionship in my daily life - but i want to be realistic just once. last year, i remember finding out about the layoffs right before summer ended, and i thought - my next job will be the one that fixes everything. obviously, its not, not yet at least. even the minimum wage aside, im annoyed with lots of aspects of it, so its far from perfect. i wish i could land a safe, corporate job that pays enough to keep me afloat on my own, but, well.

but like, other than all my actual flaws, i dont think my attempt to romanticize everything is that bad in itself. it does make good-but-normal things seem far too good to be true (like having friends, being loved, having a safe home - how can it ever be real for me, if its so beautiful???), but other than that, i do like the way it makes me feel. i like treating every coffee like the biggest blessing of the day. i like how good music makes me tear up. i like it when days are so good, theyll feel like a dream when i look back at them. i just have to keep it under a little bit of control. i have to get used to the thought that the world is not out there to cater for me, that i am not in fact the center of the universe, that everything goes on no matter what. i always liked the thought of being not the main character of life, but more of a best friend or love interest; youre still there, you can participate, you can be significant if you put your mind to it, but the world wont stop for you. also, i do like the sentiment of someone's main purpose in life being both giving and receiving of love. i might lack the brains and beauty for much more, but love, i think everyone is capable of, no matter what - and it includes me, in the end.

i want to spend more time taking pictures and listening to music. going to cafes and having long walks. i want to try going back to drawing. i wanna get better at writing - god, if this wall of text alongside all my other silly little posts arent a proof of that...... - which of course, means reading more, too. i wanna hear more live music. local, or maybe the big performances, if artists i like come over to warszawa or kraków or something. also, i wanna travel a little more. even if just to sit in a local cafe and watch the traffic. i wanna visit żmija (if youre reading this, i swearrrrrrr im not trying to invite myself over - but maybe if im in kraków or something, we could see each other closer to your home. which could also be fun because its such a big city, so much to see, so many cafes to experience. maybe a gay bar to visit? are there any worth dancing in?). and i do wanna continue collecting vinyls - slowly, as they are so costly, but still. and i do wanna become more outgoing, i want to take more risks, even if it leaves my stupid little heart sore and exposed.... rejection is inevitable, right? and i do want to catch up with romantic experiences, too. i want to feel something for someone again, even if its one-sided and desperate and miserable. but i miss it so badly, so so badly. i want to have someone to pour out my affection on - consensually. i want someone to want to be loved by me as i am, with all this mess of loud, intense feelings, without being freaked out. or maybe getting freaked out in a good way.

anyway. such a gloomy day calls for love & food playlist promo. have a good evening everyone! mwah

[sniigura-archive]

Listen sleeping with lucifer is fun and all but its also expected you just know when reader and adam have a fight theres going to be lucifer there in some way. It's the natural wY in most fics of adam And dont get me wrong it's an enjoyable experience but doesnt quite hit the spot

And Adam probably fears that everytime you guys fight lucifer will snake himself in to take you away so he actively puts himself between any chance of that meaning you have had so very few interactions with lucifer that hes practically not on your radar.

Imagine Adam's surprise when he "breaks up" with you and immediately regrets it so naturally he storms to lucifers house only for you to not be there, a part of him is grateful but now hes even more mad because you're probably hooking up with some other guy.

His plan is to wait inside your apartment until you get back from your little escapades and the plan seems solid, until he arrives and hears noises from the bedroom. He storms in expecting to see you with someone from his band, someone he introduced you to, maybe your ex but NOPE!! Hes met with the sight of his girlfriend and both of his ex girlfriends going at it (you're still his girlfriend he just hasnt told you that you're back together)

He tries to play it off but instead of allowing him to join you, hes made to sit on a chair and watch. Hes mad rightfully so, but hes also overwhelmed with how hot this is and doesnt know if he should be offended that hes being cucked or flattered that he didnt get kicked out.

(Probably asks to record it and gets a bullet vibrator thrown at his head)

LMAOO!! i don’t blame writers for using the lucifer trope because i do too and it’s good

you’re still his girlfriend he just hasn’t told you yet 😭😭 adam why are you like that

i think it would also be hot if like adam fucks reader and lilith and eve give him pointers. they do it to fuck with him mostly

„harder!! gentler!! not like that! what are you doing??“ and he just wants to murder them both

he’s also pissy since they keep rubbing your clit and fumble with your tits and kiss you which is actually his job 😒 hands off 😒

he deserves to get more thrown at his head than the vibrator. like a hammer straight to the head

[theprinceandthewitch]

FTF is so fucking mindboggling to me because who thought it was a good idea to have Willow, Amity, Boscha and Kikimora eat up Luz's screentime? Especially Kikimora because why would you bring in another antagonist when you already have two of them [Philip and The Collector] running around?

If we operate under the assumption no one up top was responsible for some of these awful writing decisions... there was not a single person in that writing room who had enough common sense to say:

"Yeah look, I know it sucks Willow and Amity can't get any development before the show ends. And I know we have fans who want to see the side characters one last time. But we literally dont have the time to do it. We cant take time away from Luz's character arc. We still need to show Caleb and Evelyn so the parallels between them and Luz/Hunter make sense. We also need to show Caleb and Evelyn to contextualize Philip's actions. Luz, Hunter and Philip take top priority in this season because we dont have the time for anyone else. It's awful, but that's just the way it is. It's not a big deal anyway because we can include these minor characters in the timeskip at the end."

And why is Willow having this development with Hunter and not Amity? Dont get me wrong, giving Amity and Willow alot of screentime is still bad because they shouldn't take time away from Luz. But having this development with Amity is more logical than having it with Hunter because Amity was one of Willows bullies. She contributed to Willow's insecurities of being "half a witch". AND THEN instead of it being focused on Willows insecurities its also about HUNTER and how he couldn't tell Willow and Gus they were important to him? WHAT.

Hunter did not need to have this kind of development either by the way. Like the kid died and came back to life AND lost his companion in the previous episode... but of course he doesn't feel a certain type of way about what happened in TTT - his REAL issue is that he couldn't tell Gus and Willow they were important to him... WHAT. Also, you honestly expect me to believe Luz wouldn't try talking to Hunter after she literally saw him die and come back to life before her eyes? Or that Hunter wouldnt be concerned about Luz not coming out of the portal even though TTT established a deep bond between Luz and Hunter?

What was the purpose of going to The Owl House if nothing of value was there? Going to TOH would make sense if the memory tweezers were hidden away somewhere in the house, but theyre not. Everyone is just fucking around in the house and wasting time for no reason. You could have just had the tweezers be at the house and everyone have their important talks before they teleport inside the skull. All that school meandering bullshit could have been completely cut.

Speaking of cutting out stuff why wasn't Odalia cut from this episode? She does nothing and serves no purpose to the story. They make you think she might do something conniving in WAD but she actually does nothing. Just cut her completely. This episode is full of characters who's only purpose is to leech from Luz's LIMITED screentime.

Seriously FTF and WAD read like bad fix-it fanfics. Like someone read some garbage takes from twitter and tumblr and decided to "fix" TOH with the last two episodes.

[geo-winchester]

Ooooh can I request an imagine with Jimmy Keene where he likes to show off his gf? Have a nice day!!!

BE MY VALENTINE

A/N: hi lovely anon, I know Valentine’s Day was almost a month ago but I was working on this on that day, I’m sorry this took me an eternity to write but I have a few problems on my life that I’m still handle them, but I hope this is what you want and don’t doubt to send me other request, even if I’m working on others dont doubt that I’ll write it!! Lots of loves!!💙

Taron Egerton masterlist

—————————

This was your first valentine day with Jimmy and if you were honest you didn’t know what to expect, he invited you to a dinner party with his associate, after you spent most part of the day deciding what you were going to wear you were ready just waiting for jimmy. You almost fall when you run to the door. When he finally knocked at your door, he was amazed by you, just as you were thinking about how good he looks on that black smoke.

-God you look so beautiful- he said, making you blush.

-You look handsome too- he smirks.

-Here I got something for you- he said as he gave you a small candy with the phrase “be my valentine?”

-You think that I would have this dress if I won’t want you to be my valentine?- you said with a giggle before you gave him a little kiss on his lips -but just if you weren’t sure yes.

-Fuck, I can’t wait to brag about how my girl is the prettiest and sexiest woman in the room.

-If you’re just saying that to get between my legs…

-Is it working?- he interrupted you.

-Maybe- you said with a giggle.

Jimmy never leaves your side at the party, every time he introduces you to any of his associates he calls you his beautiful girlfriend, you notice his smirk every time he puts his arm around your waist, every now and then he whispers how beautiful you look. At some point of the evening the two of you end up on the balcony of the house.

-Your friends are…

-Weirdos?- you giggle.

-I was going to say extravagant but that too.

-I mean who the hell has a bear just because he can, that’s just wrong…

-I know but I need them and you…- he smirks -you were amazing back there, you have them in the palm of your hand- he said.

-Do you think they can give me a unicorn?

-With that dress, they’ll give you two- you blushed -Thank you for coming with me, I don’t know what I would do without you…

-You wouldn’t have someone to show.

-I didn’t mean it for that- he said -I mean yes you look gorgeous, but when you opened that door tonight, I only thought of how lucky I am to have you in my life, even before we date you were always there for me, you always listen to me and I can thrust you anything- he said.

-Then why did you take so long to invite me for a date?

-Because I didn't want to screw this up- he pointed at the two of you.

-I’m really trying so hard not to cry right now- you giggles -for a moment I thought you’ll propose…

-Oh I thought about it, but I know you hated to get engaged on valentine’s day and in front of a crow but just know that I want you for the rest of my life- you were shocked for a moment but before you could say anything he took your hand -come on sweetheart, let's go home and watch some silly rom com.

It didn’t take you a long time to get home, you spent the rest of the night watching any silly rom com you could find, he held you close every time you cried and you responded to that act the same way every time he cried. None of you knew when you fell asleep on the coach until you moved, he brought him close to him before he kissed your head before he stood up and got ready for bed, you laid on his chest and played with one of his hands.

-This was a nice day- you said -even with your weirdos friends- he laughs.

-I´ll take that as a compliment- he said -but it was a nice day.

-You look hot in that tuxedo- you smiled at the little blush on his face -I mean you always look good but i like that tuxedo, you should use it more often.

-I’ll wear it everyday for you- you smiled.

-Thank you.

-You look beautiful too, by the way- he said -not only in that dress, in that comfy outfit too- now it was his turn to smirk at your blush, you turn to him and kiss him gently.

-I would say yes, by the way- for a second he was confused -I would say yes to you even if it was Valentine's day and we were in a full house.

-Really?- he asked you, you nodded.

-Yes, I don't know why but since I saw you for the first time in my coffee shop, I knew you were something, and after all those talks we had, I don’t know but I knew we were going to be together- you said.

-Fuck, I love you- he said before he kissed you, you couldn’t help but smiled between kisses.

-I love you too…

-Did you wait till past midnight to tell me this on purpose- You shrugged.

-I was going to say yes on that balcony but I didn’t want to ruin your plan for the rest of the night.

-So… will you marry me?- you thought for a moment before you giggled.

-Of course- you said before you kissed him again.

[uglypastels]

Personal rant incoming because i dont have anywhere else to put this or anyone else to share it with-

Thing is, I hate parties.

But I also know I need to leave the house every now and then and meet up with people my age and come out of my shell.

But my god it was horrible.

The second I got there, not even passed the theshold, the person behind me just says: oh my god I think we have the same costume. And yup. We did. Worst part was that I had already predicted it. Somehow, deep in my gut I saw it coming (while also knowing no one else would get it, which somehow was for the most part also true) and it just immediately sunk my tiny shred of confidence down because, sure its not the end of the world, but still, how fucking emberassing. Out of all the costumes. I just wanted to scream.

But instead, I walked inside and it just got worse from there. It's like all the things that inherently make a party a party were also designed to trigger me into a deep sense of discomfort. Stranger. Loud noises. Alcohol.

I have never been the most social person, but idk what the fuck has happened to me the last few years but its like the last few pieces of my confidence and social skills have been completely deteriorated. I just cant get a single word out. Even introducing myself, when I know I should, I cant. Just smile and wish I would die.

But at the same time, when I do try and speak up it's like I don't exist. No one ever acknowledges what I saw or do and i dont fucking know what I should do. Am I just not funny? Do they not give a shit? Am I truly invisible?

Did I mention, it's so loud. The music is shit (not all the time) and everyone is yelling over it and over each other. A million conversations crossing through the room and I'm unable to keep track, let alone participate in, any single one.

So I just sit there, hoping I'm not making everyone else unconfortable. Except I probably am. Sucking the fucking life out of everyone in my close proximity. I bet I ruined the night for my friend. She's also an introvert and we're both awkward but for her things seemed to go smoother. So then whenever things went quiet I knew it was my fault. I know I should say something but I have no idea what.

Also, being around people my age, as healthy as it is, just makes me sick because it makes me realise just how detached I am socially. How behind I am on life and its just a reminder of my horrible lack of a romantic life.

Not that its really important. I wasnt going there to find anyone. But when you walk into a room and basically 95% of the people there are in a relationship, and all conversations are about who dated who, why x and y broke up, people asking for dating advice.

And upon entering the party, you get warned to look out for this cute guy, coz he's single and kind of needy and looking to latch onto someone, and then your friends notice how, yeah, he's clung onto every single girl at the party. Meanwhile, you havent even seen him. But thats just how my life is. Its not like I actually expected anyone here to suddenly fall in love with me. (I really didn't. But it still heard to hear that)

Idk it was a stupid punch in the gut.

Oh and the fucking pictures. There was constantly someone snapping pictures with exteeme flash scaring the shit out of me and making me so fucking cinscious of everything I was doing and how I looked. And on one side of course it would be nice to have them as a memory keepsake and being one of those kids that never wanted to pose for pictures i get now that it is a bit of a shame, but still, when i hate how i look why would i want that to be memorialised in extremely unflattering light, around stranger and for all of them to see later too. [Actually getting sick just thinking about it]

Anyway, a few hours went by and I made some small talk. There were moments of niceties among the awkward silences and staring ahead in a dissociated state.

But the longer it went on, the more I just felt like crying and I grew so much more aware of my soul sucking presence. Coz fuck am I cockblocking my bestie over here by clinging onto her to have someone, anyone to talk to? I totally am bumming everyone out arent I? If thats even if they notice me of course.

But it still feels early to leave and the FOMO kicks in. As if I wouldc actually participate or make part out of anything that could happen tonight. I cant do it anymore.

So I left, and cried on the way home, and now i'm crying while writing this and just feel so pathetic and ugly and dump and incredibly alone.

[Rant over]

[yuki254]

Steal you 💔 Pt.2

Here's pt 2 I hope you like it and tell me what you thinks I am a new writer so I'm sorry for any screw ups while I write

Warning ⚠: bad writing, girl verbal fight, reader gets suspended,and relationship problems, near death and super long

Kelly's pov

It's been three months since our fight and that's also three months she been staying with Sylvie and I really miss her if I hadn't said those things to her I probably wouldn't be sleeping alone every night. And I've tried apologizing she ignores me I lock her in my office to get one on one she let me kiss her but still won't talk to me I try asking everyone for advice but they give me the stank eye for what I did well everyone except Stella she's the only person who would talk to me. But she's the reason I'm in this mess in the first place so taking advice from her probably isn't a good thing. Hey Kels what's on your mind Stella asked with a worried expression. Nothing much Stella I'm just trying to get Y/n to forgive me but I wouldn't have to be doing this if you would of just stayed away from me I would probably still have my girl

^Wow are you really blaming me for caring about you. I was just checking up on you it was a tough call and if Y/n can't see it that way then she's not a good girlfriend.

What Stella was saying was making sense all she was doing was making sure I was okay Y/n is overreacting. So I'm done trying to apologize.

× Y/N POV

It's been awhile since our fight and Kelly has been trying to apologizing Obviously I haven't accepted his apologies because what he said really hurt I dont think I can forgive him yet.

I came into work with Sylvie expecting Kelly to there with some flowers or something but he wasn't he was sitting at the squad table laughing at something cap said turned and looked at me then back at the squad members which confused me first he was apologizing now he's not. It's kind of concerning Maybe he's done apologizing And ready to move on then I see Stella go over and then starts talking to Kelly and them. I walked away knowing what's happening Stella probably told him something that's why he stopped apologizing.

Sylvie pov

I see Y/n walking away from the scene in front of us I walked over to the squad table and looked between Kelly and Stella. Kelly you're gonna lose a really great, kind, amazing, sweet, loving, and caring girlfriend is you don't start seeing what Stella is doing to your relationship. And I know deep down you don't want that and for you to sit here and try to ruin a good relationship is fucked up and you know what Stella I really thought you were a good person never would hurt anyone especially here we are family and just to betray someone like that just to get their boyfriend is really really fucked up.

No what is fucked is that Y/n took in the wrong way Stella was just making sure I was okay it was a tough call you know you were there .

Yea I was it was a tough call for everyone even Y/n you know the body they found after the fire was put out was a person Y/n couldn't save and she was right there Matt had to pull her out fire because the building was gonna explode. That's why that day she went straight to put her things up she was crying her eyes out and you were here with Stella being a bad boyfriend not the other way around. I walked away not being able to keep my cool.

Y/n pov

Hey are you okay? I heard Sylvie ask

Not really what if my relationship is over?! It can't be over Kelly is the first guy to ever make me feel loved and that I'm not such a burden to everyone he actually cares about me I dont want that to be over I started crying Sylvie hugged and and said hey it's not over and if does leave you for her then he's not worth the tears. You're the best thing that has ever happened to him rocky just remember that you have whole crew behind you.

Yea thanks Sylvie I smiled at her she smiled back then the alarms went off duty calls. We make it to a house fire then a women is heard scerming for her son the house fully engulfed in flames chief Boden doesn't want anyone going in because it was already unstable but the lady is begging us to save her son that his name was oliver I knew I was gonna get in trouble for this but I ran into the house calling for Oliver no reply then I saw him laying there passed I froze for a second because I saw the man I didn't save on the call three months ago but then I heard my name being called it was Matt and Kelly i snapped out my daze and grabbed the kid made it to Matt and Kelly and ran out the building we watched as it collapsed his mother come running to us Matt stopped her as Sylvie and Violet were working on him he didn't have a pulse. I was silently praying he would make it. Sylvie looked at me and shook her head letting me know he didn't make Matt let the mom go she was screaming in agnoy Sylvie was comforting her I walked pass everyone. Everyone was tapping me on the shoulder everyone except Kelly and Stella. I went behind our truck then started crying we all got in our assigned trucks and went back to 51 as soon as we get there I went somewhere private to calm myself down then Sylvie found me and told chief Boden was looking for me.

Kelly pov

Y/n just loss another victim and she just walked past everyone and they all patted her shoulder but I didn't neither did Stella which is understandable. Then as soon as we got to the firehouse she went off to her little private room to calm herself down. I was gonna go talk to her but Stella pulled me into my office and started to talk to me

Do you really think she's gonna let you comfort her you yall are still fighting and she probably won't even acknowledge you Stella said. I don't care Stella she just lost another victim and this time it's a kid and right now I don't care if she doesn't want me there she still my girlfriend and I love her. Wow you still love after three months of not talking to you she probably doesn't even love you anymore so why don't you move on Kells to someone who won't do that to you like me I will never shut you out. Then it hit Stella was really trying to break us up why was I so blinded by that I should of noticed it three months ago. You should leave Stella, all this time you've been getting really close to me and now I notice how you were trying to break us up I really hope I didn't mess this up. Whatever Kelly you're missing out on what could've been something amazing. But go back to your bitxh. DON'T CALL HER THAT!!!! I yelled at Stella the real bitxh here is you. Stella slapped me then walked away. I went to look for Y/n and try to get her forgiveness. I saw Sylvie and asked where she was cause she's not in her little room. Hey Sylvie where's Y/n I need to talk to her it's really important. She's is Boden's office he wanted to talk to her about something. Thanks Sylvie I went to chief Boden's office then I heard yelling from both chief and Y/n. Then Y/n comes out tears on her face and stops and looks at me. Hey are you okay what happened in there. I just got suspended for what I did at the last call my night can't get shitter than this unless you are here to break up with me she said. No I'm not here to do that I'm here to actually here to tell that I'm sorry for what I did and for not seeing it sooner I'm sorry for not listening to about Stella and what her intentions were. She looks st with shock then comes too. Kelly I'm glad you finally see what she was doing we can talk more about this later but right now I just need leave with tears still running down her face. She walked off and went to collect her things and said bye to everyone as soon as she left I went straight to talk to Boden.

Part 3 is next I hoped you like it but please leave a comment and tell me how I did and should I continue writing

[lovrboyx]

“you can give people all the resources in the world but they still wouldnt help themselves” is completely ignoring the current situation that theyre in.

like. homelessness isnt just an effect of mental illness, it can also be the direct cause of it. someone who may not have experienced mental illness as severely when they had housing could be in a lot worse state once they lose that security. and oftentimes, community outreach is more focused on addiction treatment and mental healthcare BEFORE getting these people housed. and while i dont see that as an inherently bad thing, it is still objectively putting a bandaid over a bullet hole.

you can give people all the resources in the world to manage their addictions and treat their mental health and curb their bad decisions, but if you are not taking them out of the situation that is directly causing the pain, then it is unreasonable and unrealistic to assume these people are going to be able to just pull themselves up by their bootstraps back on their feet. and i need some of you to really listen to this next part, whether or not you believe they should, there are always going to be people who cannot simply push through the absolute worst moments of their lives, the complete and utter despair of living on the streets and feeling like society doesnt give an absolute fuck about you or whether you live or die. and honestly, i find it fucking cruel to expect people to do so and then judge them from a place of privilege when they inevitably cant.

i think that youre right in that there will always be people looking for saving. just like your so-called “Welfare Queen” who could put herself in a better spot if she just *checks notes* stopped relying on taking advantage of the system that was built to help her?!?!?

ok fine you got me. sure, there are people who you can give the best possible scenario to and they still wouldnt get any “better,” but i will not ever accept that that as an excuse to give up on them, let alone the group as a whole.

[sieglinde-freud]

36 for the ask game!

36. Share a funny FE-related story, either ingame or not!

allow me to regale you the tale of my most valuable unit ive ever had in any playthrough ever (okay. second most valuable. no one beats odin dark conquest), the most specialest boy youve ever seen!!!

dancer ferdie.

so basically i really wanted the piss color home screen in three houses and for those who dont know, basically you get a “badge of honor” unique home screen in three houses (the same exact screen recolored yellow) on maddening without new game+. i believe you can do this on casual? but im a little tryhard loser, so i picked maddening classic, picked the black eagles (crimson flower doesnt have hunting by daybreak OR a map that forces you to deploy potentially benched in house characters, so that was my pick) and started the run. only to be met with one small problem:

i am a fucking idiot.

three houses maddening isnt that hard once you know what youre doing, but the funny thing about three houses maddening is that it dropped like. six (????) months after three houses dropped just like. out of nowhere. for no reason. and i cannot turn down a challenge so i jumped into it immediately and got my ass kicked. immediately.

my main problem is that i didnt have a reliable damage soaker/tank. edelgard is tanky, but she can only take so much and her stats havent had time to snowball yet. plus, early game has poison strike three range archers, so even if she had the stats, they’d wittle her down. maddening ai is not the same as normal/hard, and at the time i didnt know how to control it, so someone had to go eat all of those hits to bait them over! but adrestia, kingdom of mages, has the durability of a piece of straw. so, we need to avoid taking damage. but we also need to bait out the ai somehow. soooo… how?

i was looking through a couple of classes that might be able to help me out and i notice that ferdinand’s personal skill gives him a certain amount of avoid at full hp. and theres a certain skill line that gives another set number of avoid if you hold a certain weapon. the lighest physical weapon (barring gauntlets) are swords, which he has a natural affinity for. but how do you get sword avoid? literally the only way is through dancer. for some fucking reason. so, i did what had to be done, expecting this to blow up in my face, but as you can tell from the fact that i am making this post, the opposite happened. because actually, as it turns out, having a refresh unit in one of fire emblem’s most difficult game modes that cannot get hit is actually very, very useful.

for the entire game after he went into dancer i chucked him on the front lines right next to edelgard, and he was pretty much a one man army. not nearly as strong physically as edelgard, but much faster and with much more utility. and, hes still ferdinand, so on the off chance he got hit by like a stray 12%, he’d easily eat that hit with his hp stat, only to be physic’d up right back to full. unkillable dancer. baited enemies like it was no ones business AND buffed my entire team just by virtue of being there. i could send my frail ass little mages into a crowd nuke someone, have ferdie dance to let them retreat to safety. edelgard and giant galeforce axe could act TWICE without worrying about dancer positioning. it was just. god. carried my whole game. and he looked GOOD while doing it. he truly is ferdinand von aegir. also took out the final map in two turns no casualties. he did that for me by the way (edelgard galeforce axe)

[loressa]

Burgertime

----

Salt, fat, sizzle, sear - the components are basic and mandatory. The burger is the star and never let anyone tell you otherwise...even if that someone is a stupid bullshit Goodwill microwave because *someone* (Brenda in HR) is too fucking cheapass to upgrade.

I dont have time for this - Timmons needs a submit by noon for a merge by five because Perkins is absolutely horrible at his job - but fuck Perkins. I want a burger, specifically MY deliciously seared burger from last night, so it's time to settle in and wait. Triple beep on that idiot machine (fuck you, Brenda) and the microwave power's at 50% for that slow, deep reheat.

Some TV while we wait - Pedro seems to be really doing it dirty to Janessa Maria. Would NOT be surprised if he ends up stabbed with all those side chicas he's had going for weeks.

Annoyingly, the lunchroom TV cuts from daytime telenovelas to grainy cellphone zooms of movie monsters spilling out of weird machines. I check on my burger - ten minutes left and still rotating nicely, despite all expectations - and then focus back on the news again.

Invasion. Aliens. Doom. This channel sucks. Flip through a few, but it's all the same broadcast - burger doing great - and that's when I realized what's happening.

This bullshit castoff Oliver of a microwave is all please-maam-may-I-have-moreing my burger into a dry, shitty crumble. Fuck you, Brenda. Power down even lower, might help, has to help. I still hate Brenda.

Back to ten minutes and what is this bullshit on the TV. Timmons' task floats into my head and I kick myself - I didn't drop those completed components into code review. By the time I get back from that, we're at eight minutes, the burger is lightly sizzling and I've realized the entire office is empty.

Fucking corporate yoga. I can even hear them upstairs - graceful, my ass, they sound like elephants tap dancing. Seven minutes to heaven, though, so who gives a shit. I think I'll add some BBQ sauce, just to be heathenous.

I hear a crash from the area near Perkins' desk, but who cares. The guy is a mess. Six minutes. Looking juicy. Another crash. Did they have a lunch out? Perkins *likes* to drink, why do you think he's useless after lunchtime?

Flip channels for a bit, but it's all the same stupid YouTube alien movie promo crap - five minutes, die in a fire, Brenda - so I browse Reddit looking at food pics. Another crash and now it's starting to seem a bit weird. I glance at the microwave, mouth almost aching - four minutes - and sigh. Gotta help Perkins.

Aaaand, nope, that's an alien. That's totally, completely, absolutely, how the fuck is that an alien. He's... she's? It's tall, scaly, oozy, slimy, totally not human, pure nightmare factory, and appears to be baffled by a stapler. Why does Perkins even have a stapler?

You how know under pressure our brains turn into trapped rats trying to find the easiest way out and we think and do amazing shit? So yeah, three minutes left and burger is looking good.

I thank my Brenda-esque brain for absolutely nothing and dart back into the lunchroom, which has apparently become my safe house against an alien invasion. Yay, I always wanted to fight for my life surrounded by old egg salad and leftover pasta.

Right about now is when I realize my problem. See, the microwave has been going with an ambient hum since Sumeria was the shit, so any changes are going to be instantly noticed...and we're at two minutes left. Also the burger is looking amazi-

Right, yeah, pull it together girl. Fuck you, Brenda. With a REAL microwave, I would have been out of here alr-

Well, hold on now. I creep back to the door. The alien's apparently given up on staplers and is kinda scanning the room. Like, literally, scanning. There's old 90s style movie graphics sprouting out of his/her/its eyes.

One minute left - hi burger, you're beautiful - and I'm fumbling with my phone. This whole situation is stupid enough, might as well try....

And there we are. WiFi scanner is picking up something absolutely weird and confusing, clearly some sort of network we can't identify. The alien's got some tech - or biology? - emitting a signal.

I groan. I know the answer. I hate the answer. I sigh. I curse fucking Brenda. 10 seconds left. I back away and close my eyes. Everyone sacrifices in trying times.

3, 2, 1 - the rotation stops and the stupid little defunct microwave gives a happy chirp of a ding. Done! Aren't you proud of me? Never, Brenda-spawn.

A claw appears around the door. Oh fuuuuck, yep, this is happening. I duck down behind a table and reach up to fumble at the microwave door. Hopefully aliens aren't vegan. I manage to jab it open and suddenly the delicious, intoxicating smell of the perfect burger floods the lunchroom, rich and redolent.

Apparently demons like burgers, but I was counting on this. Everyone likes burgers unless they are useless bitches named Brenda. S/he/it leaps for the microwave and I slide sideways - this is a horrible idea - putting myself closer to her as my arms fumble at the countertop. Oh, god, it stinks like childhood trauma and ozone. Too late now and here we go - the creature realizes I'm here far too late, flailing and turning with way too many arms writhing about. His head is at the same level of the counter top, body coiled to strike.

My lunging fall nearly fails, apparently my aim is terrible, but I trip on a chair and surge upwards again, hands finally wrapping around the microwave.

"You like to transmit shit about Earth?????!" I want to scream but instead I just kinda squeak as I grab the horrible microwave with its beautiful payload and slide the entire thing over the creature's head.

"Farrady cage?" I whisper hopefully, quickly backing away, because that - and my burger - was really all I had. For a second, the alien is still, simply standing there with his/her/its head crammed in a microwave, before its head gives a sudden, anticlimactic plop and sinks to the ground, ooze puddling out on his/her/its shoulders.

As the creature falls, his/her/it's body gives a shake, some final death throe, and, with a rattle, a little brown disc comes soaring out of the microwave. It's a beautiful, heartwarming moment. The alien's dead, Berlin is playing take my breath away and I've been reunited with my hamburger.

The rest of earth can wait a few more minutes for me to save it. This shit is finally hot and ready and it's lunchtime for momma.

[gonancray]

you, i thought i could trust.

why did you lie. i just keep going back to those moments - when i looked you in the eye and asked if it was okay to be there - if we were intruding - the reality of our decision finally settling, the haze of adrenaline fading - and you looked at me and assured me that no, i wasn’t. no, we could stay.

why.

i asked you twice more during our stay, and again you responded the same way.

what hurts the most is the 180 you did the next day. if that had been a lie, if it had all been a facade, if you’d been able to go upstairs and text behind our backs and return with a straight face - as if we were some frightening “other” you needed protection from - if you had let me bawl into your shoulder, held ▇▇▇’s shaking fingers in your own so gently, with such softness in your eyes - then what the FUCK HAD BEEN REAL. 

I FELT SAFE. YOU FUCKING MADE ME FEEL SAFE AND OKAY AND LIKE I COULD FINALLY BREATHE SINCE THAT HORRIBLE GSA MEETING WHERE I GAVE ▇▇▇ THEIR GIFT AND LEFT IN TEARS BC I WAS SO OVERWHELMED AND ANXIOUS THE MEETING WHERE YOU LEFT ▇▇▇’s BDAY GROUPCHAT W NO EXPLANATON. 

WHAT I HATE SM IS THAT I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT IS TRUTH AND LIE ANYMORE. I GLIMPSED you in the library today and your face was so untouched. i didnt expect to feel so suddenly hollow. i didn’t expect those two seconds of eye-contact to engrave itself in my mind for the rest of the day - for me to be here, 10 hrs later, frantically scribbling in a notebook, dodging the wet stains on paper. im crying and i feel nauseous and i cant even eat

what was real? what of our friendship was real?

i cant help but remember that day when i spilled my heart to you on your bed, and you let me rest my chin on your shoulder and you held me the tightest you’ve ever held me and you rubbed circles into my back and ▇▇▇ was beside me and i thought maybe we could stay there forever

i bared my fucking soul to you. 

i’d shown you my self-harm scars and explained them. i’d shown you the rawest parts of myself. i’d told you things i’d never told anyone. i shared my grade 7 poetry with you. i spoke about my relationship to religion and the hijab and my sexuality and how i felt about labels. and i thought you bared your soul to me in turn. i thought you’d never be afraid to tell me anything. i thought you’d always tell me the truth.

now i dont even know who you are.

what does it mean that you were able to throw it all away in one night. what did it mean about the nature of our interactions so far, if the entirety of our visits to your house had been a lie.

i am heartbroken by you. 

i cannot be friends with someone i cant trust.

i just fucking wish you had told me. everything wouldve been fine if you had told me.

one of the first lines in that message you sent me was “fucking take accountability for your actions”

i remember staring in numbed shock, on a hard bench in the cafeteria, the voice of the guest-speaker turning to a low buzz in my ears

▇. you hadn’t told me i had crossed a line. you hadnt informed me of any boundary being crossed.

i had asked you and YOU HAD LIED TO MY FACE - through your words, your countenance, your actions, the stupid warm smile on your face.

what the fuck ▇.

how dare you take this out on me. how dare you reveal to me how little i know you at all. 

i fucking hate you

i want nothing bad to happen to you, but i hate you. i wish the best for you but i hate you

how to reconcile this newfound hatred with the old, lasting love. 

i hate that you will never see this. i hate that i let you have the last word, i hate that you will never know how much i am hurting, i hate how you will never know i can no longer stomach breakfast without feeling the urge to throw up. i hate how its been a week and here i still am, crying over what we used to be - and what i did to us out of necessity

most of all i hate how to u i am still the villain. to you, i was the one who did the hurting. i was the one who didnt give a shit abt you

so here: in the privacy of my notebook: i am sorry. i’m sorry for not thinking. i’m sorry for ambushing you, i’m sorry for getting you in trouble, i’m sorry for the hurt i caused, i’m sorry for the inconsideration i displayed.

i would have given you an ocean-full of apologies - if only you had let me. if only you had given me a chance before leaping to your insulting conclusions

but its too late now

cutting you out was like severing my right hand. every time i reach for something i mourn its loss

you were a constant in my life and now youre gone

now all thats left is to deliver the eulogy, shuck off my funeral clothes and walk on