#but you can prob guess from my recent posts who it is

[wistfulenchantress]

completed.

EDIT: this has now, as of this edit, reached over 2,000 notes. And I have started doing the things. My life is still far from perfect, but I genuinely do scroll through all the replies and reblogs and watch people get other people to help and reassure me and check on me and it makes me feel so much more loved than i normally do. i'm even going to bed earlier because you said i should. i love all of you so much, and i owe you 2,053 times. all my love, witch.

ORIGINAL POST:

ok here goes. i haven't taken enough care of myself recently. so here we go

if this reaches 100 notes i will start doing yoga again, to help with my anxiety COMPLETE (how you guys are insane)

if this reaches 200 notes i'll start studying more and putting in more effort COMPLETE (o my gosh)

if it reaches 500 i will actually try my best to exercise for the right reasons, instead of random bursts of self-hatred/body hatred COMPLETE (i posted this yesterday evening)

if this reaches 700 notes i will try my absolute best to fix my sleep schedule COMPLETE (ok this is insane)

if this reaches 1000 notes i will be more honest with my therapist COMPLETE (dammit you guys ilysm but this is gonna be hard)

if this reaches 2300 notes i will be more honest with myself about why i am turning to tumblr for this kind of thing and write a poem about it. (this one is a joke since i think 5000 is impossible, and i will write a poem for you guys anyway. i love you) (i’ve now changed this to a more reasonable goal - one really close to what i have now - because honestly i want you guys to succeed because the fact that people are still on this post is insane and it makes me smile.) AND COMPLETE! (i love every person who interacted with this post so much it isn’t even funny. all my gratitude and adoration, witch)

this ends at the beginning of may. you can spam i guess i have 35 followers it prob wont even reach 100. but go ahead, tumblr, do your thing. lol

[radiolore]

MY VENTURE HEADCANONS!!! :3

copy pasted from my tiktok plus some :3

AAAAA I LOVE THEM SO MUCJ U DONT UDNERTSND

~☆~

• wants to take care of plants but cant due to their job

• forgets to drink water a lot

• one time passed out due to dehydration, the wayfinder society found them in a cave and they had to be in the emergency room for a day

• since then, they got an app on their phone that buzzes when they should drink water and itll water a virtual plant :3

• unironically loves classical music

• likes to scour the internet in their spare time to listen to different music genres from different eras

• wishes they could learn intruments, especially ancient ones that people dont typically play anymore but cant cause of the time their job takes, but they still admire people who do play those intruments still!!

• their parents are missing and are pressumed dead and they hope that by being an archeologist they can find them one day

• used to cry as a kid when people would squish ants :(

• they think they dont have time for a partner, so theyre not really looking for one, but wouldnt be opposed to having one if they met the right person

• if they did meet someone they were interested in, would be super estatic and friendly, talking to them a lot, looking for them when they enter a room, etc

• would prefer an in-person relationship, they would be willing to try long distance but with how much they travel for their job, they will end up not being happy because they feel like they have to choose between their partner and passion :((

• they would end up romantacising the person theyre interested in and get disappointed when they dont live up to their fantasies

• really good at coming up with art n crafts ideas, bad at executing them

• autism

• used to be super interested in internet history as a kid, like random events that went down on the internet n stuff, but not so much anymore since theyre an archeologist now

• fav ice cream is rocky road (who would've guessed)

• messy eater

• love language is gift giving and quality time

• speaking of gift giving, if they liked someone they would def research crystal meanings and give them specific crystals based on their meaning

• need some extra luck? they're giving u aventurine, got into trouble recently and need protection? boom amethyst, they like you but they're too scared to say so? they're giving you rose quartz daily and hope you get the hint

• LOVES those shark tooth necklaces and wears one under their sweater (mostly just cuz they don't want it to get caught on something while working and have it fall off)

• any vacations they get from work, they always make sure to visit their grandma and tell her all about their adventures and findings !!

• thinks people with crooked teeth are the absolute cutest (totally not a self insert for me cuz I got crooked teeth ahahahaa nope)

• when they paint their nails they always just do it messily and just let the excess nail polish on their fingers to fall off ☠️☠️ (same)

• can def carry a conversation if ur shy or just don't talk a lot

• has a social media platform where they post cool things they find, after becoming associated with Overwatch, it gains traction

• after their profile gains attention, it actually becomes an in-universe meme/rumor that they chipped their tooth eating a rock

• Sloane thought it was funny, but they eventually come out and make a post saying they chipped their tooth after a rock came flying at their face while drilling 😞

• asexual cuz I said so

• u know that one dinosaur death pose fossil? they have something like that tattooed on their body

• also a compass tattoo probs

• is the BEST hugger

• when they're excited to see you, they'll hug u n pick u up n spin u around n everything

• is the type to see smth random and go "so-and-so would like this" and just get it without seconds thoughts

• used to draw in high school, but kinda stopped after joining the wayfinders

• is incredibly embarrassed by said drawings and would only show you if you either also showed something equally embarrassing or if yall are extremely close....

• had a lego phase

• Sloan and Junkrat send each other random cryptic texts that wouldn't make sense to anyone else looking at them, but it makes sense to them (it'd be stuff like random images or words or gibberish that'd make u go "what ☠️") (and it'd be at such random intervals like a random text from junkrat at 2am and Sloan doesn't send anything back until 3 days later at noon like???)

• I'm sorry but they're a bad texted lmfao they forget to check their phone all the time

• but they're def not a dry texter tho, they'd use faces like :D D: :p :) :3 >u< ): and type in all caps when they're excited with typos

~☆~

I COULD WRITE MORE BUT IF I CONTINYE ILL LITERSLLT BE HERE FOR HOURS SO I HAVE TO STOP

ANYWAYZ THAMK U FOR LISTENINGN TO ME RAMBLE ABOUT VENTURE BECUZ I LOVE THEM SO MUCJ IM SO OBSESSED WITH THEM N IM LIKE AAA AAAAANAAA AAA

anyways

yea

:3 eeeee

[bluestjayy]

fck stop begging for comments on here all the damn time. i did like u as a writer but its getting so pathetic and annoying now jus begging constantly. Ur writing isn't that good for getting tonnes of comments anyway half the time Ur dragging plots and characters r so uninteresting probs coz Ur on here begging instead of writing properly. every update feels rushed lately it shows u don't even care anymore. just stop begging and focus on updating instead that's all pppl want

Hey anon, I normally don't respond to rude asks like these because I think what you want is the attention.

I especially don't usually respond to asks that have, in any way, anything to do with begging or demanding I update my fics (and I have seen an uptick in those in recent months) but I'm gonna respond to this one, and by proxy, all the others currently sitting unread in my inbox, and any future asks of this nature that may come my way.

Buckle in, this is a long one.

First, I'm going to assume by 'begging for comments' you mean the few posts I have been reblogging over the past couple of days that encourage readers on AO3 to engage with authors by leaving positive and thoughtful comments, and discouraging them from making unreasonable and impersonal demands. If this is the case then I would like to clarify that I am not 'begging for comments', rather I am supporting a community of writers like myself who are actual human beings who take several hours, days, even weeks, out of our very real lives in order to make something and share it with the world and for some reason are beginning to see a trend of entitlement slowly growing across our comment sections. A trend we wish to nip in the bud because, as I previously pointed out, fanfiction authors are real life human beings, taking time out of their days to make something, not machines on a factory line that churn out content at the behest of someone's demands. We want our fandoms and communities to be safe, supportive spaces where we can have fun. We don't want them to become workloads that begin to feel like full time jobs.

Secondly, to say my writing isn't all that good but in the same message tell me to update? Wild my guy. Truly. But let's keep breaking down AO3 comments/kudos/general feedback (such as this delightful ask you sent my way, I guess hoping it would make me want to update??) from readers and how this can affect an authors updates, this time using one of my favourite metaphors for this type of thing and see if it helps:

AO3 is a potluck. It's a backyard party. There is a veritable buffet at this party. My fic is the cake I baked myself to bring for all my friends to eat. One of my other friends brought potato salad. Another friend brought the punch. Everyone who is at this fun get-together brought something to offer at the buffet table.

Now, I might not like potato salad, but you know what I'm not going to do? Tell my friend to her face that her potato salad sucks and she never should have brought it. I'm going to politely pass on eating it, and be glad that all the people at the party who do like potato salad have something to eat. In the same vein, not everyone is going to like my cake, maybe the flavour is wrong, maybe I used too much icing, maybe they just don't like cake. But that's fine, they don't have to eat my cake. But if you choose to eat my cake, and find you don't like the flavour after taking a bite, then the polite thing to do is quietly stop eating the cake, and go and find something else to eat.

Do not seek me out and tell me to my face everything that was wrong with my cake, and why you don't enjoy it. Do not tell me to my face, that my cake sucks and you wish I'd never brought it.

Do you think telling someone that you hate the way they made a cake is a good and productive way to get them to keep making cakes for you? Or perhaps, is the way to keep an amateur baker wanting to bake, to tell them what you enjoyed about their cake. Even a simple, 'I really liked this cake' goes a long way.

And if you do like my cake, if you love my cake actually, do not then follow me home from the party and start demanding I make you cake all the time. I don't always have time to make cakes.

And just to cover all of my bases, because I am also seeing a trend of folk who think that sharing fanfiction online is the same as submitting manuscripts to publishers and that therefore criticism is allowed. It's not.

To continue to beat this cake metaphor. This is the difference between taking my cake to a party with friends (AO3) and taking my cake onto the Great British Bake off (A professional publishing environment).

If I wanted constructive criticism on my cake, I'd seek it out from expert bakers who know what they're talking about.

No one goes to a friend's party with a cake they made and wants to hear what they're doing wrong. Unless explicitly asked, keep your criticisms to yourself and put the cake down if you don't like it. It's so very easy to not eat a cake if you hate how it tastes.

Finally, a combination of both the points above, really, but I cannot stress this enough. These usernames you're sending anonymous asks to? The handles on AO3 you're writing comments for? They're people. They are human fucking beings that deserve respect and kindness. I am a human being. And sending what you sent up there to another person over fanfiction?? That's just mean, friend. That's just out and out cruelty. I have no other words to describe that.

I could give a flying fuck if you think I'm begging for comments. I could care less you wanna say my writing is terrible. At the end of the day, my writing is mine and I'm going to keep doing it because I find writing fun. It's a hobby that helps me de-stress from the horrors of my real life situations. Frankly, you should be begging me to stop because I have no plans to do anything but keep inflicting my drawn out plots and bad character writing on the world for as long as it keeps making me happy.

But I beg you to take a second off of social media today and think over what makes fandom- something that should be a hobby, a safe place to escape from the world- this serious for you. Because the kicker in all this? My friend, if you think what I post is annoying and my writing is bad, you can not see it. You can block me. You can click away from my stories. Your online space is yours to curate and no one, literally not a single person, is making you engage with things you don't want to engage with. Curate your space, fill it with people who aren't 'begging for comments', fill it with fics you think are really good and deserve to be told how good they are through wonderful comments. Please, I am begging you, because at the end of the day to live in such negativity must be so exhausting for you.

I've no idea if you, the original sender of this message will even read through all of this, but if you did, please, if not me, then any other fandom creators you come across going forward. Please treat them with kindness. Please respect that sometimes fandoms are spaces people hide in when their real lives are scary and frustrating and negative enough and all you do with messages like these is drive people away.

TL;DR: this is not the way you get more updates from fic authors, and further from that, it's not the way you treat anyone. Ever. Do better. Do much better.

[tfw-adhd]

Hey! If you have time (and honestly no pressure it looks like you have 1.6k in your inbox. You probs wont see this for a while, so hi future u! Hope ur having a nice day!), i was wondering if you knew if stimming has to be from when you were a kid for it to count?

I've always jigged my knee and clicked my pen and such, but kinda recently i started flapping my hands when im happy or nervous, and it feels so good??? Like before i would have just sat there tense and holding my breath until the feeling passes, and now i flap and its amazing. I thought i just found a healthier way of expressing my emotions, but i recently saw a post about how someone neurodivergent had 'discovered' stimming so i guess i was wondering if that meant my experiences still counted? (Im 15 btw)

Sent Jan ‘22~ (You weren’t wrong about it taking me a while to read this, sorry about that!)

Stims don’t have to come from childhood, no! People can definitely pick up different types throughout their lives, and they don’t have to be consistent - it’s just an action that, in the moment, is repetitive. (Eg, leg jiggle, tapping, picking at skin…)

Stimming is definitely a healthier way to express the feelings of excitement, anxiety, or general restlessness. It’s good to let it out in little ways like that.

And you don’t have to be neurodivergent to stim, though most people who do it enough to recognise it, are. Everyone at some point in their life will have a big enough build up of excitement/anxiety/boredom that they start doing something like that! 💖

[destinyc1020]

Sunday Confessions:

Sum of these kaustin fans/fan r very weird about Vanessa. Near fathers day (nt even on the actual day) Vanessa posted with Darla n somehow sum of the Kaustin fans made it seem lik it was somehow it was "shading" Austin... how? Lmao V dnt seem the brightest and she obviously can b shady bt i dnt think she she is so evil as to taunt Austin with his deceased mothers dog or let him nt hav the dog (esp since its been yrs and it was prob just a case where he was working more at the time and she got the dog full time). Idk i just found it to b reaching and very odd.

Thnx for your confession Anon. 😊

You know, I too have heard of the rumors that supposedly after Austin and Vanessa broke up, he wanted his deceased mother's dog (Darla) back, but that Vanessa refused to give him back his mom's dog, and he was crushed about it. 😔

Now, Idk how true that is... So I'm not even going to really entertain that. I just go by logic/what I'm able to actually see.

IF I were you Anon, I wouldn't take what some fans/shippers online on Twitter or blogs say too much to heart, because my first thought would be, how on earth would THEY know?? 😒

If Austin (or Vanessa) hasn't said anything about that, then I wouldn't believe it too much Anon.

I also go by what Austin himself has said about Vanessa, and he's never said anything but nice things about her...even AFTER their breakup. His recent Esquire interview said a bit about their relationship and how he feels towards her. If he really was holding a grudge or something, then he could have just said something cordial and kept it simple. I don't think he would have said all of the things he did in that interview if he was somehow upset with her about her keeping his mom's dog.

What probably REALLY happened was that the dog (which had lived with them as a couple after his mom died) had grown accustomed to living with him and Vanessa, and Austin knew that with his crazy filming and traveling schedule, he probably wouldn't be able to care for the dog as well as he wanted to. Vanessa was probably already attached to the dog after all these years, so Austin probably just told her that she could keep the dog.

I am not a big fan of Vanessa... mainly due to some of the stuff she said during covid, and her damaging a national park with her inscriptions (things which she has long since apologized for, so I'm over that), but I don't hate her at all. I actually liked her with Zac AND with Austin... 🤷🏾‍♀️ I will always view her with nostalgia due to HSM. 😊

I just think that for Shippers who heavily ship Austin and Kaia together and who want her to be "his forever woman", I sometimes get the feeling that some of them HAVE to hate Vanessa, because it's so obvious that Austin was with her the longest, and that their relationship seemed way different from his current relationship with Kaia.

Maybe it's a way of coping?? Kind of like how Jacdaya shippers hated on Tom so BADLY because he was probably a threat lol. 😅 I'm just saying... Sometimes shippers hate on the "old" boyfriend or girlfriend because parts of them feel threatened on some level with their ship I guess lol.

I wouldn't take what shippers say too seriously anon.

[the-lonelyshepherd]

DARLINGGGGGGGGGG, GUESS WHO GOT BACK FROM JAILLLL. TIME FOR MORE AIRLOTTIE. I'm kidding and playing and being silly. Ok. Ok. I can imagine if you do make airlottie speak french, it can all be rationalized either by "forest magic" or by her just mimicking sounds that she hears because. Some animals just learn what people do. But with yellowjackets there's that whole play of it not being known if it's more the trauma, or something actually magic and cursed. So I can imagine "The dog was talking to us out there." isn't to out of the realm of something in the show. There's the musical scene with Caligula after all! It's also good to like, remember the way animals usually express body language. But as an artist myself I think I'd struggle with trying to draw that kind of figure drawing which keeps motion, while also not making it look incredibly stupid 😭 Also do. Do the airbuds talk to people in the movies??? Do they even talk... It's been so long since I've watched them. Oh my god. Am I really going to watch an airbud movie just because I think this is a funny au and I want to analyze Yellowjackets more. Oh god. Please just bring my girls home...

-💀

airlottie anon i want you to know youre my favorite person in the whole entire world

dogs actually have difficulty replicating most human sounds - its hard to explain but they dont use their lips or tongues very much during vocalization, so they can make some words (ex those husky videos youve prob seen). so theres no completely rational explanation (also if she was mimicking sounds she would probably speak english.. unless dead cabin guy was just constantly speaking french to her in her mind but thats another hell in of itself) but its a lot easier to go with wilderness magic + trauma and unreliable storytelling.

for body language youre 100% right, im actually better with animals than people in terms of art i only recently started drawing people like three? months ago (for yj fanart it was that bad. id been putting of learning for YEARS) so i def try to incorporate a little more motion. that is how there was a sort of "communication" precrash and preseance as well as post rescue (before the buttons ofc)

for the airbud they don’t talk in movies but they made ummmm what’s it called air buddies. and in those ones they talk but it’s not official airbud canon i guess

[demonsfate]

I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT JIN'S EMAIL TO HER IN TEK 4 LMAO orz I'm sorry. But yeah I agree with you. I also think he didn't tell her all the details likely for those reasons. But he told her enough to warn her and give her an idea of what kind of person Heihachi was. Which makes her attitude in Tekken 5 all the more confusing. I'm guessing Jin was so confused because he swore he had told her Heihachi was a pos, still does and yet here she is trying to go back in time lol. I think that's the game where things start to get worse with the writing. Granted Tekken has never had top writing but still. It actually makes me a bit sad because I was introduced to the games with 5 and I'm very fond of it (bc nostalgia but anyway)

A lot of shit happens in the Tekken series, and it makes it easier to forget it when the game's plagued with inconsistent writing. Hell, there are many things forgotten or straight up misconceptions within the fandom. (Many people still believe Kazuya made a deal with the devil to not die as a kid, but that only happened in the OVA) HELL, even I sometimes forget certain things, and I end up making headcanon posts that don't comply to canon just because I forgot about something. 😅

I looked it up for more info regarding the "email" Jin sent, according to some sources (such as the PAL version of the manual) Jin told her he suspected Heihachi was gonna have her assassinated...? Whiiich unsure if that's just a mistranslation from the PAL edition or not because I don't see why Heihachi would do that. He did it to Jin because Jin was no longer of use, he never cared about Jin, and Jin has the devil gene. But Xiao hasn't really done anything to warrant an assassination, unless Heihachi feared she'll uncover the truth regarding Jin's disappearance, and turn on him. But again, I'm unsure if this is true, or if the PAL version just added more because they thought "dangers" was too vague, or assumed that's what it meant when talking about the dangers. But who knows, we all also know how wonky the official translations of the series can be.

There's also a lot of issues with time travel. Such as, even if Xiao had succeeded, it'd be a possibility that Jin would've never been born. (After all, Jun only met Kaz due to his shady treatment of wildlife animals). But I won't delve too much into this just because it's just a silly story that means little. I don't even know how canon it is, considering that Xiao's ending in general isn't canon I don't think. Time travel, I'm pretty sure, is still not something that can canonically be done in the lore LOL.

Oh, Tekken 5 may be my favorite Tek game. (It's in the top three along with Tek3 and Tag 2) But I also very much enjoy Tekken 6 and we all know how I feel regarding its story. Basically, Tekken games can be very fun but not have the story that matches their quality of gameplay LOL. And I belieeeeve I wrote here very recently that 5 was the start of the atrocious writing. Although Jin was still relatively in character in 5, it did set up his villain arc with the ending. Xiao was flanderized to hell as we've discussed. Characters that didn't have joke endings before now have them (see Heihachi and Lei, probs more that I'm not thinking about rn) which set up the premise of not taking most of the cast seriously. (Tek7 DEFINITELY had an issue with most endings being pointless and comedic) So yeah, whilst Tek5 wasn't as bad as Tek6 in terms of story, it was suffering symptoms of it. Like a pre-illness or something LOL.

Tek3 was actually the first I was introduced to. My brothers CLAIMED we played Tek5 as kids because we rented it before when it was new...? But oddly I have like ZERO memories of it. I only remember playing Tek3, Tag 1, and Tek4. Which I played Tek4 very little because as a kid, I saw the limited amount of characters and thought "why would I play this when I can play Tag 1 with LOTS of characters...?" xD

[truculentbitch]

same anon who sent the long ask - you prob won’t want to post this so no pressure to respond in a separate post or anything, i just want to explain how i got there but don’t know how to without saying something that will probably read as inflammatory to some people lol

ty for the reply, i really understand where you were coming from now. i def read the tone of your og post wrong, that’s my bad. i think we’re all pretty aware that nenjaturtle is sorta “known” for talking about dregirls, and lately i’ve been seeing a lotttt of posts and comments from blogs similar to the one i took from your post and responded to, but those ones are very obviously meant in a negative, snarky way, and are clearly directed toward nen. i’m not gonna comment on that other than saying that when i stopped checking in on mar’s blog, crit felt the way i think it should again lol. i think i’ve just seen so much of it recently, not just from one person either, that i automatically interpreted your post that way too, and it was disappointing. but your response clarified your tone and logic so i appreciate you taking the time to write it.

i get your frustration on some level. not to the same extent of course, but somewhat. george making his comeback is promising - i’m tentatively hopefully that we’ll start actually having things to talk about soon lol. i personally can’t really blame those who have old conversations again or nitpick things that’ve already been torn apart, because i understand the boredom, too, but i get where you’re coming from. anyways, sorry for a second long ask, back to lurking for me now lol. i hope your week is going well! :)

so i wasn't going to post this bc it contains named blogs and i don't want to get involved in the fractious back and forth there but i have a couple of things to say and i've never been good at shutting up. i've dmed both of the blogs mentioned to make it clear to them that my opinion here isn't meant as an attack and that i'm always willing to have a convo with them about it if they want. i hope that both are familiar enough with me and the way i conduct myself that they take this in the spirit it's meant.

to my mind, all of this is a question of comfort and desire, right? like what are we (or they) seeking in this space? what nen's anons are seeking is not the same as what mar's anons are seeking. that's just the base of it, the most obvious point, and then we get into the weeds of who's more valid or moral or righteous. or who's more comfortable for us, i guess, if we consider yr feeling of crit being 'the way i think it should'. that's a common thing, i think, ppl having an idea of what crit was or is or should be and i understand it, i've been here for years, but i can't commit to an idea of it. crit is an amorphous space. it has no rules, no form; it does have a loose social code but also no specific punishment for violating it. i don't think anyone can define what 'crit' is in a way that's enforceable. i wouldn't want to cohere to that anyway. so if we can't agree on an idea of what crit is, how can we say who's 'valid'? ultimately we can't and that's ok. we don't have to like every corner of crit. i think a lot of dteam crit ppl would be better off if they looked into non-dteam crit spaces and realised that their definition of the space is entirely myopic.

i don't follow nen bc i don't enjoy the convos their anons bring up. if they were less active i'd just scroll past but bc they're prob the most active/popular crit blog rn, it fucks my dash 😭 i've told them this is the reason i unfollowed. it's not a judgement of them specifically, it's just me not enjoying those discussions, as i said earlier. i don't think those discussions are worthwhile. i have issues with the convos and the way nen responds to some degree so i don't get involved. that's it.

i follow mar but i don't engage with the neg shit she posts bc it's not my business and i think it's silly. i don't agree with the way she addresses nen/nen's anons but again, it's not my business so i don't get involved. that's it.

i curate my space.

i think there's room for everyone in whatever the space we call crit is. i don't like the move towards stannish attitudes where any criticism of a blog's main is cause for aggressive textual bile. i don't like the move towards hugbox sensitivity where reblogging and disagreeing is seen as bullying or an attack on the blog rather than their opinions. like can you imagine if gugs or hata hated me bc i've disagreed with them publicly, over and over, on the dash???

i'm just gonna keep doing what i've always done tbh. i think i've been less willing to do that lately bc shit's been so explosive. i do think that the ability to (respectfully) disagree openly has been lost lately and i think that's unhealthy. i'm not sure if that's what lead to more aggressive responses but i don't think it's helped.

[olivieraa]

so tomorrow is like... the 10 year "anniversary" of my final relationship story back on my old blog. maybe I mentally knew? and that's why I was suddenly reminiscing the past couple of months?

cause I truly haven't thought about this in years. it was gone out of my mind and then suddenly I had a craving of some sort, to just re-read a few (I ended up reading way more than I thought)

so they had their babies. and it was a Friday the 13th. we actually loved this decision bc that's what we did on there. we put a lot of thought into every decision we made. but it was the final one. I was very happy that things ended so well and perfect for my boy.

trying to remember me behind the scenes tho? I was either feeling rage or nothing. I think it was closer to nothing. I think I was done by that point, and had already had my sad and rage moments.

bc in the end, I was the one dealing with the true villain irl. and the funniest thing about that is, regardless of context, it was this message in my inbox

this was an odd thing for me to see the day I saw it bc I actually think I saw it a year after it was sent. cause I had that account blocked. and I think when I was erasing porn blogs from my blocked list (for some reason), I obviously unblocked this account and then saw these messages in my inbox, which also included

I guess the funniest thing overall, or maybe the most anger inducing? is this idea that she doesn't see herself as the bad guy, but villains don't know they're villains, do they?

but in the end, its now been 10 years. I've a vague idea of what she's doing with her life currently. but no matter how much she has changed, literally no matter how different a person she is right now, if you don't make up for past mistakes in some way, then you're still the bad guy.

if you dont care about hurting someone you cared about, and years pass and little messages like these are the best you can do, then you're still the bad guy. whether 10 years has passed or not.

she never actually tried to be forgiven bc she didn't actually care who she hurt. and not caring that she hurt the person she claimed was the best thing in her life, is truly despicable.

but y'know, I'd actually forgotten I did this. I forgot that I messaged one or her real life friends to ask them to keep me up to date on her if anything bad happens to her, bc despite my anger, I didn't just stop caring. but its when 2 years passed I think it was, I deleted her friend and wanted nothing to do with her.

the "glad you're still alive" hits different when I look at it now. it sounds... so empty. this was 2 years after we stopped being friends. imagine a message to me now. could it even get emptier than that message? a 10 year check up message? I actually doubt it, that one already sounds heartless.

but here's the thing... I am the most forgiving person. I'm the definition of "I'll forgive but never forget". I've too good of a memory to forget things. if she ever wanted to talk, I'd talk. and prob forgive her despite how much she hurt me.

I actually did it sort of recently. I forgived a guy who had been out of my life for 3 years. he hasn't even been apologetic about it, he's been OVERLY apologetic about it. and I've told him I forgive him. we talk almost every day. I had sleep paralysis the other night and he comforted me. but will I ever forget what he did? no. will we ever be like we were? no. but I forgive him. bc he apologised and meant it. it was heartfelt. that's all I've ever asked for.

but with her? I legitimately dont think she thinks she did anything wrong. I think she's gone on with her life believing there's no loose ends from her past. I think if I died, she'd feel absolutely nothing from it.

and this is regardless of if she agrees with my current political and feminist views. she could be super anti-radfem for all I know, Ive no idea. but that doesnt matter, bc even if all these feminists posts weren't here and she knew none of this about me, I still think she'd feel the exact same.

but anyway, I obviously moved on with my life. again, I think my never-forgets brain just knew that this year was 10 years. cause the craving to go back and re-read was weirdly strong and super random. and she's obviously moved on too. and I hope she's happy. I used to not care if she was happy or not. but now I do. I'm too now old to bother with a 10 year grudge. the situation is "ah well". that's how I see it now. whether she sees this or not, who knows. I never know if she's watching.

my final message before I stop talking about this forever would be:

I'm willing to talk. We shared something for a few years of our lives and tho it may have only meant something to you in the moment, it impacted me for years afterwards until I eventually got over it. The last time I would have thought about it was 4 years later, in 2018. I was with my new best friend, and she was holding me on her lap, and we were drunk, at a college party, and I went into reminiscing mode bc it was Feb 8th. And she comforted me. But that was the last time.

I dont know how different you are now. But I do know, even when we were friends, you were hard to talk to. You "ran away" a lot. I'm a "lets fix the problem" person, you were a "lets just bury the problem" person. Never wanting to see it through to the end. Just, forget about it and move on. I'd only be willing to talk if an actual talk was going to happen, and we got it all out.

But like I said before, I dont think you even know you're the bad one. I dont think you think you need to be forgiven. So its up to you, if you actually acknowledge what you did and want to finally move past it. That or you truly already have, and a talk with me is something you couldnt give a damn about, bc you dont think anything needs to be forgiven and you've changed too much in 10 years to ever bother returning to a problem you dont believe existed.

But yeah, this is the last time I'll talk about it. Its officially 10 years as of tomorrow. Lets see if my my brain remembers the 20th anniversary. Only time will tell.

[maryqueenofmurder]

listen i know this is a Serious Post that actually analyzes the story mxtx told but my brain.  is being stupid again.  the only thing i can think of is some sort of fic that goes something like this:

People are gathering together to reminisce over xie lian (who is, ig, presumed dead)

(idk if crimson rain even ends up in this)

And they all start telling stories of how they knew him and about his death.  except.  that everybody seems to have a different impression of how he died, and met him at a different time.

feng xin went back to the cabin later and found it deserted.  covered in dust and none of the royal family’s items appear to have been taken with them.  there are too many graves around.  The “white-clothed calamity” has been seen recently and maybe xie lian wasn’t crazy after all.  I guess feng xin assumes that xie lian died after his second banishment?

As for mu qing.  In the... novel? i think? it was said that xie lian hadn’t heard mu qing’s voice for 500 years.  xie lian had been banished for 800 years.  so i guess 300 yrs post banishment xie lian and mu qing run into each other.  xie lian ends up basically dead again and mu qing is just left like.  did xie lian just die?  you know, it was really unclear.

Lang qianqiu has figured out about the gilded massacre.  probs the point of all the reminiscing.  he talks about his guoshi.  this would have been roughly 500 yrs post 2nd banishment, 300 yrs before canon?  I guess lang qianqiu thinks that the coffin killed xie lian.  eventually.  probably says so.

Pei xiu probably interjects at this point.  no he didn’t die in the coffin.  i met him (probably says in the novel but at most 200 years ago) a century or two ago.  i didn’t realize bc he went by hua xie, but he sounds like the stories ur telling/looks like statues or pictures.  he died in an army fight/stampede, and the corpse got put down river.  going off of your stories, he probably didn’t die from that, at least not permanently.

and then at the end it’s just

son of a ##### he’s still ####### alive, isn’t he

thinking abt him (xie lian) & how he breaks every narrative convention that you would expect. tgcf reads like a story where the main character should be anyone other than xie lian. he should be dead by now. he should be the side character. he should be the one whose memory compels the narrative. he reads like a character whose absence echoes in the current actions of every other character. by all rights he should be a laura palmer & the story would make narrative sense, probably, if he was gone; it would be a series of vignettes, all interconnected by this thread of a memory of someone who seems to have been in everyone's life, them coming to realize they're being haunted by the memory of this person, there would be the bereft & tragic lover, survivor, keeping his memory alive. but instead he is, against all convention, still alive. even when he's a thousand years old & forgotten he's defined by this negative space, this absence, these thousands of years of rotten luck and calamity and pain all swirling around the wake he leaves in the narrative. and he's still haunting the story, even while he is present !!! the ghost of xie lian from four hundred years ago topples a domino & then another fourhundred years later, present xie lian has to try desperately to prevent the whole palace falling down on their heads. he is constantly dancing around the minefield of his past & unwillingly embodying his past & he is more than anyone else haunted hunted etc. by it !!!!! anyway a big theme of tgcf i think that i haven't seen talked about much is the idea of like. um. people bumping into people's lives & changing them so much. and the way that happens silently and quietly sometimes and no one else knows. the mundanity of actions that leave massive ripples hundreds of years in the future. the way we never know which of our actions will leave what kind of effect on those we love. etc etc. etc. which probably i will talk about more when i haven't just woken up.but. yeah.

[softgrungeprophet]

something something essay about the ways in which peter uses the pretense of training and/or working through his anger as a veil for what is essentially self-harm and self-punishment via (as one example, from i believe the book of peter) beating dumpsters and concrete until his knuckles bleed

ok this was supposed to be a joke but i can't stop myself from rambling at the drop of a hat so i'm gonna talk about it (mostly my au)

(cw for mentions of fictional self-harm and sexual abuse/assault fyi)

that combination of anger and self-loathing does a number on him huh

i have just been thinking about it as i think about the ways in which i am intertwining his own traumas into this story, though often not thoroughly enough tbh... i feel like i haven't been taking uncle ben's death into account enough, especially in hindsight as peter is only 19 rn where i'm at in the timeline, so it's only been three years since his uncle died at most.

but also mostly been thinking about it in the context of the fact that i'm bringing prof warren into the story soon, coming on the heels of flash's breakdown which peter feels guilty about—and so piling that together with his many issues, including his sensory overload issues as well as childhood trauma pre-dating spidey, and how self harm plays into that via not just beating up on things that are actually capable of breaking skin but also thru direct self injury via nervous tics involved in his overload-panic attacks (or adjacent at least)

also as that ties to his spidey sense—idk who is reading all this shit tho i know ofc kita has read some of it and at least one other person did make a comment about starting from the beginning after i posted *checks notes* 50,000 words to this au, but anyway, if anyone has read both the fic where flash is in the hospital and the recent fic chapter where rosie's at the ER, you will notice that i consistently have peter tapping the back of his neck when he is in an overloaded state and that's because i also put the spidey sense sensations generally along the back of the neck and up the skull (though prob also elsewhere on the body in theory) so it's a form of grounding or self-soothing to tap the spot it feels most strongly even when it's not going off actively, as it ties directly into his neuroses so tbh i wouldn't be surprised if it actually is going off when he gets into these states...

but that focus on the neck will later manifest (not written yet) in a more extreme way when peter has a public breakdown (for the first time since he was a toddler arguably) and scratches the back of his neck until it bleeds because he's in a messed up emotional overload state and can't control it (ah and of course this ties into self-control and other control which is always the theme, isn't it... everything is about control w/ him, from pulling his punches to sexuality)

imo and as i write him, he doesn't normally do this and normally focuses his issues outwardly by beating up on objects (or people) (which he does in that scene too, directly preceding this moment) which still makes him bleed if he's in bad enough of a state to beat on concrete for hours, but that in extenuating circumstances like this one it can become more direct as a form of i guess... stimming but bad for you. is there a word for that? i forget. i guess it's related to dermatillomania and i might mentioned him skin-picking later on if i remember to include that (but no scars cause he heals so fast) esp since i've already mentioned (once, briefly) that he bites his nails.

i'll also be extending this thought to characters like kaine and ben since they're his clones but also because kaine specifically my notes are emphasizing the fact that where peter and ben are more capable of self-regulation, kaine isn't, and he can't handle things that they can handle because he is more sensitive to overloads due to already working at a constant low level of sensory stimulation his brothers aren't because of both chronic pain and broken spider-sense, and thus is more susceptible to the kinds of breakdowns that peter has been having only in situations that trigger his hospital-related traumas (uncle ben dying key among that) (or later, which trigger his trauma wrt sexual assault/molestation as a preteen) (because i am tying that into his backstory as something thematically relevant to warren's predation of gwen in college, and use of sexual abuse as a leverage for power and ownership over his female students first and then over kaine the "failed object" and as part of his revenge on peter for denying him his prize (gwen))

i do think kaine will probably also have that direct aspect in both the things that peter also does (scratching, biting, skin-picking) but also using his own hand on himself (by which i mean the acid (?) handprint stuff)

which, related to warren, ties back into peter's freakout after saving gwen from being raped by prof. warren (which as i said i haven't written yet, but i have notes for including some dialogue)

i'm not 100% this scene will include peter scratching his neck or how the breakdown will go entirely, when i write it, cause it may end up changing slightly depending on what feels natural to me to write and what flows most naturally out of him *checks notes* beating warren unconscious.

but i suppose what i am always doing when i write these kinds of scenes with peter is acknowledging a kind of discomfort on all levels which i don't feel i particularly see often—usually it's either he's 100% together OR it's some ooc stuff where he's reduced to an almost infantile state of crying which is like... i get it, i cry easily too, but there's such a strange sense of objectification and almost fetishization or sexualization to some of these things i've seen written and that I don't particularly enjoy, which i've rambled about before so i won't go into that here.

but i feel like… idk i want to explore the aspects that aren't necessarily cute, or idk… pretty? part of why i like andrew g as peter is that tasm peter in particular is awkward and weird in a way that isn't Cute and Fun, or Baby? the awkward convos he has with gwen are so deeply relatably awkward and uncomfortable, and he is twitchy and neurotic and weird and distractable and quite passionate (and handsome😌) and i appreciate that and i think it fits very well w/ 616 peter, considering 616 peter is himself pretty fucking weird even when he's suave and sexy (which is most of the time XD)

so like i said it's just something i always think about and something i'm particularly thinking about now as i write this story about a still pretty young (19 yo) peter navigating his own past traumas wrt death and sexual assault as well as current traumas like flash's injury a year earlier and so on and so forth and how i want to approach both gwen having to comfort peter but also peter being able to switch back around to comfort HER because she is obvs frightened in this moment! both because of peter's violence and because of prof warren's attempt to claim her body against her will (which peter stops)

i want to balance that they are both traumatized and both need to take care of the other to feel functional in that moment because it allows them to detach slightly, but also that both need a chance to break down and cry because of what happened (now and in the past), regardless of being in public…

and then peter gets arrested for aggravated assault lol

(and boy peter's violence as well as deliberate non-violence are also always a constant present theme in this au as well as other things i write... it's about....... making a difficult and conscious choice.... and working hard not to hurt the people you love (flash)) (i am constantly thinking about flash's father as i write peter fyi, if anyone noticed the multiple times i have compared him to harrison directly in the context of his temper, violence, and purposeful gentleness with flash)

wow there's no point to this post i just needed to word vomit really bad

this peter has also def come close to committing a murder (when ock crushed flash's legs) and i think he always will be capable of that, physically obviously, and mentally, but idk if or when he will. truly not sure. this might tie into his early death at age 49 and being gunned down by the national guard but not sure what/how much of that i'll use or if there might be other moments that may end in him slipping, or inadvertently being the cause of someone's death (well, technically this will happen w/ norman, drawing heavily from what happened in the original silver age comics, but in this case it's norman getting knocked out of a 60 story window in addition to./instead of? getting impaled by his own glider)

(ben kills miles warren though, at least in the notes i have now)

[waitingformyfavoritesongs]

There’s a 10 video per post limit found out now. Posting ths bcz I saw an ad with quest love ❤️ 142 am pdt 14 November 2022 Monday

{updating 15 November 2022 Tuesday 5:06 am pdt @ bottom }

I heard ths song many years ago & didn’t learn the lyrics until recently?

146 am pdt 14 November 2022 Monday

it’s hard 2 say no even when you want 2? Work on it, promise yourself for only yourself, 4 a stronger happiness, (-a more promising connection with some1, who you really like 2b with in the future, that today, we must reject bcz we don’t yet feel it -) to say NO! 147 am pdt 14 November 2022 Monday.

158 am pdt 14 November 2022 Monday

203 am pdt 14 November 2022 Monday

If you dress up more it creates a stronger barrier probably 2 enable you 2 say “no”? Or keep things long distance, a long distance relationship, 2 make it stronger b4 saying yes? Have conditions/ standards. Unconditional love with a man can kill a woman. Unconditional love w/ a man means putting up w/ all sorts of abuse. Do your best. Make him check mark ✅ those boxes 📦. Or rather, find one who will do it willingly w/o being asked. 208 am pdt 14 November 2022 Monday. I had 2 tried 2 find happiness w/ myself by myself for years when I started again 2 try 2 b celibate since July ≈4th, 2010. Still celibate 2 MY knowledge. Incubus says differently 😑only broke the news 📰 2 me this summer.😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤 after each failed attempt, try & try again. Read self help books 📚, & I guess if you can not hold yourself accountable find someone who can or will?? 216 am pdt 14 November 2022 Monday. 😖😭incubus 217 am pdt left calve leg 🦵 pain! 😖😖😖 218 am pdt word play: calve—> calf love=puppy love —>> other word play on Calvin Klein; besides Calvinism. 220 am pdt

255 am pdt 14 November 2022 Monday

sorry to Nancy Pelosi & husband, kinda heard what happened, awful 😣. This next song has nothing to do with them. I’ve hit my head on hard surfaces, ie stainless steel - I have experienced some a lot of pain besides getting punched. (325 am pdt edited)

259 am pdt 14 November 2022 Monday.

304 am pdt 14 November 2022 Monday

Slam your body down & wind it all around I thought of break dancing = b-boys.

319 am pdt 14 November 2022 Monday

ps 330 am pdt a relative of mine closely related 2 my father, is a red head. Makes me wonder if black hair genes are made with one of each allele hiding potential for many hair colors. Need 2 dive deeper n2 biology. 332 am pdt 14 November 2022 Monday.

341 am pdt 14 November 2022 Monday

incubus spiritual husband who claimed he is Adam Noah Levine, has made it clear he’s going 2 kill me & thinks I am too old & unattractive. Incubus husband also had a friend who speaks 2 me too & has his back.

344 am pdt

gets sprung. He intentionally destroyed my ass since 2017 he has been stabbing it, cutting it, & pulled apart the bones several times then clashed them 2gether last year while I was trying 2 sleep 🛌 346 am pdt 14 November 2022 Monday.

pps I naturally have curly eyelashes. Distal joints of fingers slightly bend back. Big long finger nail beds. Pale white skin w/o sun exposure, & when I was in high school a classmate wrote me a love letter 💌 telling me I had beautiful brown skin. I used 2 have dimples & those disappeared 👻. Random guys have said I was “hot” in front of me up until ≈2020 (even though I was in a lot of pain(359 am pdt)). I used to have very muscular calves from working out for years that I didn’t have to flex 💪 & people could see it bulge. A guy felt my legs 🦵 & said I had “legs like a stallion.” So you know, you’re not the only one. I’m talking to someone in particular who might see this. 14 November 2022 355 am pdt. & I am petite, about/around same height as Sierra LaMar. 356 am pdt. (Add: 503 am pdt: when I was 18/19? Years old I was told I looked 12 years old by a random guy. & then prob 21/22 ? I was told I looked 16 years old.)

407 am pdt 14 November 2022 Monday

b4 2020 election 🗳? I remember seeing/listening 2 a video online of a guy who is supposedly psychic? & I think it was him who said to a woman she was going to marry Jesus? & she died not long after that guy said that, so it seems that getting married to Jesus is a deceptive way to say you’re going to die? By the devil? In 2017/2018 incubus husband was giving me signs that he’s Jesus & has been throwing around in front of me signs 🪧 he’s going to marry me since then, “what lovers do” song: do you love me or not? Like Jesus asked Peter. Reminds me of the mentally dating Adam Levine tshirts.

If you read the word marriage = marr i age. Then we can probably assume since he has demonic power that he wanted me to see that video, about the marrying Jesus & dying -demon lord does not want me typing this he literally deleted part of this - incubus is the devil 😈- & he decided this before I was born to treat me this way. I’ve had it rough for a looooooong time, even when I was a kid he hurt me. He’s showing me through auto correct that he “decided devil” probably trying to make me feel bad for typing this. So when he says marriage to me, he means he is killing me. 428 am pdt 14 November 2022 Monday.

432 am pdt do incubus only get turned on by lust? Not love ❤️? Only want 2 make babies 👶 with who though & why? Looking for specific traits? Or is it only lust? 434 am pdt. 14 November 2022 Monday.

445 am pdt I wonder if Adam Noah Levine means anything he says. Like I thought I read he told Maryka/mvrykv_ (I’m guessing this is a self given alias, not her real name) that he had 2 children 👶 & he’s done, he’s tired of it? & he thinks he can get away? I guess he is looking for escape from being a dad/father. & wants to only mess around & “fuck”/have sex. When a man phrases it like that & says all those things together, & he has continually said publicly for years things that sounds the opposite of that, it probably means he doesn’t want ❤️ love? He wants raunchy horny wild sex probably? With the youngest women he can find; not 1,2, 3, or 4, but 5 or more??? 453 am pdt. & it looks like he wants women who will hide it! He says you know I should not be talking to you right? Bcz he’s aware & he is fishing around for a way to say keep this a secret 🤫 secret 🤐 . This is what I think 🤔 & it has taken me a while to realize that.457 am pdt. 14 November 2022 Monday.

6 am pdt 14 November 2022 Monday

thinking if incubus spiritual husbands are actually rapists & murderers, & they like their friends to talk down to me & torture me too, then that guy w/o condom is probably friends of incubus/incubi, too, birds of a feather flock 2gether- maybe even sometimes nicolatian, too? (but w/o offspring?only sample)(hypothesis) bcz his friend who gives me signs 🪧 & talks 2 me, too, reminds me of that guy. ♐️ another hypothesis: incubus look for specific traits, & they kill off the wives bcz they don’t want anyone else having offspring with the same traits? For years I had body shame (wore jackets & sweaters & pants & 3/4 to full sleeves & socks 🧦 to hide my arms, butt, legs, feet 🦶, & a lot of fears. Maybe it was a form of control to keep me from meeting other men? If he has power to transfer fertilized eggs 🥚, probably has power to make miscarriages happen or prevent pregnancy 🤰 , whenever I did meet some one. But each person I got involved with seemed to be a sign 🪧 / a clue, showing me my planned fate, or maybe a clue to what already transpired?? (definition inferred through previous readings). 617 am pdt 14 November 2022 Monday. There are overlapping? themes. Before I watched serendipity & after. Cassiopeia. I see Casio, cassi- x2 to 4. ... 14 November 2022 625 am pdt. Hungry.

644 am pdt 14 November 2022 Monday

Bcz incubus/incubi? Are probably demons & can control people, they probably will do whatever they can to confuse you- including concussions 🤕/head trauma/ injuries & also headaches & other things in your head to make you retarded & forgetful. So if you are hardworking he would probably exploit it, & if you are smart it would probably take a long time for you to know it. My dad & his father are studious & like to work with their hands 🙌. My mom & her mother had a good work ethic. I wonder 💭 if these kinds of traits are genetically transferable ? 652 am pdt. 14 November 2022 Monday.

update 15 November 2022 Tuesday 5:06 am pdt : remembering now that a few people have complimented me on my smile & teeth 🦷 (probably bcz of its shapes- kinda bigger I guess) that & I endured @ least 3 years of painful orthodontia. 513 am pdt

[ultimatenomi]

“this is an AU set in a universe where [canonically gay character] is straight-”

Me:

[wakanai]

I started out just wanting to do one meme but one thing led to another and I ended up having waay more fun than I intended to lol. Here's some stuff I came up with + some side notes that live in my head that I might end up regretting later. But I'm in the feels rn so here we go lol:

I'm actually not sure if this is accurate but I wanted to try lol

based off a comment I saw recently about how that person doesn't feel comfy on twt

I'd tag them but we ain't close so prob not TT

we actually had a convo regarding this

all's well that ends well

I thank God so much that I'm free of that person now. the amount of times He's saved me from toxic people including myself - yeah God's real and he's good and he's there. I'm christian btw.

I think I'm slowly becoming more comfortable sharing my thoughts the more I do so tbh haha #improvement i guess

yeah I had my own akutagawa era. This person was the toxic Dazai to my lil aku lol.

I think we've all had this at least once lol

yk that one person you really admire but you know deep down that they aren't as interested in you as you are in them?

if that's you, dw you're in good company (me lol)

let's move on together hahaha

*parties not "parites" 💀

#Notocodependency

boundaries are v important

transparency too. it's impo. to be honest w your friends about your feelings and the things they do

welcome to an episode of I-personally-can't-relate-but-I-think-it's-funny-so-I'm-going-to-make-this-meme-anyways.

#CRBDSA (can't relate but doing so anyways).

CRBDSA

yeah, pretty much me whenever I consciously make a bad decision.

I had this thing as a kid where I'd have a crush but when they like me back, I lose interest

wasn't interested in actually having a relationship lol

I once came to school without a bra in 7th grade. My female teacher approached me and asked me about it. LOL you're welcome for the second hand embarrassment :)

thankfully, no pervs or anything. I genuinely thought no one would notice cause the uniform was thick (turns out the back is slightly see through so that's how the teacher knew lol)

someone pls kill me I don't want to relive my first year of high school. the me back then was so cringe i can't -

yk what's ironic? when you have work to do, you want to sleep early. when you actually have time to sleep early, you don't.

respect to people who sleep early

yes ofc people can like what they like and hate what they hate but I like Oda sm that it makes me a bit queasy (?) idk if that's the right word, but just a bit sad/uncomfy when I see negative Oda content lol

I really like Oda. I could make a whole post about how much I like him. I like his whole concept, his care and understanding for Dazai, his relatability, etc. While I'm at it, let me just go and talk about some things about him haha. Apologies to non-Oda stans.

I love how he's the embodiment of dry friend energy (in a good way). He's just so calm and comfortable in dark era. Yk how sometimes you just feel like talking in a mellow tone and not really being that energetic when you talk/text someone? I love how he's like that and doesn't feel ashamed - doesn't feel the need to match Dazai's energy or be overly loud. He's just himself and I like that.

He's the adorable assassin turned loveable idiot. I like how he's kinda dumb sometimes (like me) and his friends don't mind it at all lol.

He's cool.

["Because there's only one story I want to write, and it's in here." I tapped my temple. "Unfortunately, I don't have the necessary tools or skills to bring this story to life. I feel like a lost mountaineer standing before the tallest, most sacred mountain in the world with just a single, tiny ax" ] --- Oda Sakunosuke, Beast LN, page 118.

^^ you hear that? That's the sound of Oda being relatable. Slay king. Asagiri was probably projecting as he wrote this LOL.

now that I've said some positives, one scene Oda had that I didn't 100% enjoy (although, it really wasn't meant to be enjoyable) was in dark era, where he was quite literally willing to let Dazai kill Ango/didn't do anything to stop it.

Granted, I don't think he would have been the same with Dazai if Dazai actually killed Ango but still, it's quite sad

He implies that nothing he'd do would change anything.

["Even if I took Ango's side there, nothing would change. There was no way to break out of Dazai's trap...and the orphans at the restaurant would be killed if I betrayed the Mafia."] - Dark Era LN

(daang. you can really feel his insecurity from here. also the fact that he believes Dazai would kill the orphans if he did something - not that I blame him tho. Dazai was really dark, unpredictable and hurt. He threatened Ango because he was hurt by his betrayal so just imagine if Oda "betrayed" him too. LOL someone stop me before this turns into a dark fanfic).

Another thing though.

["Even if I took Ango's side there, nothing would change."]

This is oddly similar to Dazai's fatalist way of thinking that there's no point in trying because everything he has will be taken from him anyway.

Watch me make this into a whole analysis about Oda and Dazai lmao. They're actually really similar.

Oda having low self-esteem and being passive meanwhile Dazai IS ALSO passive and is literally just bopping around in darkness because he has nothing else to do. One big difference though is that Oda has hopes of leaving the Mafia once the kids are old enough to take care of themselves. But for now, he's also just bopping around and idk if he's actually tried to write a novel or if he was also just waiting for "the right moment" in that regard?

Anyways.

I like Oda so much that I actually made a whole tailored version of him in my head

Yk..I have this thing called 'Side Character Syndrome' where I get attached to side characters because of their charm and untapped potential and I just make them into my own characters in my head. I modify some things, give them backstory, give them plot, give them character development, etc. The fics that go on in my mind, man. I take side characters, make them my own, and make my own "mind" fics where they play a bigger role and stuff. LOL. I love my HC/fanfic Oda a lot.

The fanfic Oda I have in my mind is very similar to Oda but is kind of different as well. Hard to explain but just know that I like Oda Sakunosuke very much hehe.

He's my favorite character.

Onto the next meme.

omy, is this my Mori kinnie moment? LOL.

yes, I used to be conscious (still am to an extent lol)

look at my pinned post and you'll prolly understand more

when I had almost 0 followers, I reblogged a post about Oda not understanding Dazai. I didn't agree with it but I reblogged it anyways cause it was interesting. Anyway. fast forward and now that I have followers, I'm conscious about reblogging stuff I disagree with cause then I'm like "but what if XX thinks I agree with this" and so on.

yes, I'm working on it. Just post whatever and enjoy. Anything else is moving onto loser territory. <33

POV you're Oda Sakunosuke

Hehe this hits different if you've read Dark Era and Beast

random thought but I want Ango to get more page time and know more about his character, how he was affected by it, his development, etc.

I'm going to share something personal and say that I have some eating problems lol

It's not serious enough to be a disorder but it's just really bad eating habits that I need to improve on

working on it though. let's go. ✊

yayyy. and that's it. Special thanks to OP for this fun challenge. It was really great hehehe :) AND I'M GLAD THIS IS LIKE - prolly the lonest post I've written so far. lol.

Thought this shot from the Dark Era would make an amazing meme template, feel free to use it

(and tag me if you do cause i want to see what you come up with)

[komehyappyou]

Madara’s Least Favorite Food

The English Wiki says “roe\fish eggs”

Not quite...

(shanosho, pg 48)

It's actually 白子\shirako. (fish testes) 

Madara does not like fish testes. 

But the funny thing is “why?”

タラtara = cod 

マダラmadara\真鱈\true cod = pacific cod 

Cod kanji 鱈 breaks down to fish魚 winter雪, because the season is in winter.

Shirako is normally taken from cod, and madara is prized for its rich taste so much so that in japan the males are more expensive than the females. 

madara shirako:

Brains look like brains because folding maximizes the surface area to volume ratio. brain and the fish sperm sacs appear to use the extra surface area for different things…

Can be enjoyed in many forms, deep fried, sushi, or in broth. (Although, it’s considered a delicacy, not everyone likes it and it’s considered more of an acquired taste.)

Check out his birthday! Wintertime! Christmas!

During the winter months, like December, it's cold, so families, sometimes friends eat hotpot\鍋\nabe to warm up. You eat fish like madara.

Typically enjoyed at a party

(Very nostalgic images for me)

Looks like to me from his birthday, that his parents had a nice hotpot, with some cod in it, and decided to name him after the fish.

I would imagine when he grew up he found out what part of the fish it was, and suddenly became his most disliked food.

His father/mother and siblings must have teased him a lot for it.

Hmm... those are portable gas burners. Gramps Madara prob wouldn’t have such nice technology.

In the past, and in some rural areas, houses typically had an irori, a hearth, which was used for cooking, keeping warm, eating, and was a social spot.

Here’s one with some food!

Now, it’s a bit weird.... but looking back at it.... in vol 65,

Madara and Hashirama are next to some air conditioning units and electricity poles.

But kid Hashirama’s house looks like this

(Striking absence)

Technology is a mystery in this world. I wonder when gas stoves, electricity, were introduced.

(I would think that early Naruto was set in the 1990s, because there are advertisements, soda cans, and one of the sound ninja talks like a retro gamer. I guess the technology here would be 1930s? It’s all over the place.)

In my head it was funny while reading it. My family had some good hotpot recently which reminded me of it. Might as well share it here.

But while his parents prob named Madara after fish, the Author probably named Madara after madarakishin who is also called matarajin.

Madarakishin is celebrated in a festival in Sakuragawa, at Amabiki Kannon temple. (Kannon is the 1000 hand buddavista of mercy, which Hashirama uses.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNpGgf7eXnk

(Madarakishin is the red masked demon with the long hair, haha. See the resemblance?)

I can talk more about it in another post, if there is interest.

[sneaky-salty-bitch]

TL;DR - When you’re Ted Lasso trash, but subtle about it.

So before I even made this blog and was purely @omfgjohnlock I came across a post by the lovely @pessimisticshipper about a jumper they saw online. Needless to say, I freaking scoured the internet until I found the same jumper and bought it myself.

Today I went to a concert with my grandma. She let me buy any merch I wanted, but see the thing was, I didn’t know who these people were. I went purely because she asked me to go and had no one to go with. I was wearing the jumper and she said to me, “that’s not a shirt I would have thought you would wear…” and the thing is… it’s not. I may be a straight woman but I dress like a flaming bisexual or a lesbian 😂😂😂 that’s just my vibe.

I replied, “it’s not. But you see. I bought it for ulterior motives.”

“Oh? And what would that be…?”

“This one show I recently watched has destroyed my entire life so I bought this jumper so I could wear it and show I’m trash but be subtle about it.”

“How exactly is that jumper related to the show??”

“Because the word believe is a big theme.”

My grandma then widens her eyes and flails slightly. Because I guess THE NAME OF THE CONCERT WAS BELIEVE!! And bros I didn’t even that. I dead ass thought we were going to a symphony or some shit so when I found out it was like a proper concert with like singing I was so confused and also laughing hysterically on the inside because oh, universe. You never disappoint!!

So then we get there and that’s when she tells me to pick something out, she pulls me to the table and says “hey! Maybe they’ll have something that says believe here so that you can get it and have more subtle things for your show.”

I light up because my grandma is an absolute genius. But then saddened because they didn’t have anything.

It wasn’t until close to the end of the concert that a line from the show echoed in my head

“It’s the lack of hope that comes and gets you.”

And that’s when I remembered there was a small silver necklace with the word hope on it. I leaned over and asked if she thought they would still be selling merch after the show. Luckily, they were and I happened to buy the very last hope necklace.

And so… in the wise words of @pessimisticshipper, “when you want to show your subtle appreciation for this show without letting anyone else know how actually insane it's made you”

People in the streets are probs just gonna think I’m super Mormon and love Jesus so much ngl 😂😂😂 - that isn’t a dig at Mormons, I just live in Utah. Ya’know. Where they all live 👀👀