#but yknow what. it's good enough. these are all mostly just practice

[monotone-artist]

fires vi with agender beam!!! + some extra stuff from when i was using her as people drawing practice. click the images to see them better oop

[id: a series of colorless digital sketches of vi and caitlyn from arcane. in the first picture, vi and caitlyn are sitting on a kind of short wall. vi is looking upward in thought, one hand palm-up in front of her, as she says, "you ever not feel like a girl or a boy but none gender left beef." caitlyn is next to her, watching vi attentively but looking the slightest bit confused. text next to caitlyn reads, "does Not get the reference."

the second picture is all kinds of sketches of vi. other than some basic head shapes, there are: a tiny chibi sketch of vi holding a tooth and looking cartoonishly sad with the text "bro my toothy;" a bust shot of her looking determined, with the text "flipped by accident whoops" (since her hair is on the wrong side); an upper body shot of her appearing to be sitting at a table, one arm crossed in front of her and her head propped up by the other, looking bored; and her in a family man death pose with the text "when you lose ur sis like 3 times."

the third picture is a few upper body shots of vi, all at a three-fourths angle toward the left with various neutral faces. the third picture is a half-built sketch of her speed-walking to the left, her stride purposeful and her expression fierce. her arms and clothing are omitted. end id]

[wonysugar]

i’ll wake you up | son hyeju

synopsis : she looked just like the moon.. maybe that’s why you took her gaze as an invitation to doze off.

pairing : stranger!hyeju x sleepdeprived!femreader

genre : fluffy! strangers to… NOT strangers? idk reader thinks hyeju is pretty

tags : subway, reader is TIREDDD, fluff, one shot, that’s basically it lmfao

word count : 1k (?)

12:29 am.

you thought that living so far away from your university was going to help romanticize your studies more, yknow! make you wanna glam up and actually wanna go on campus in the first place. turns out, after a couple of semesters, you were more than wrong,

and you realized that just now, especially since it’s, again, 12:29 am and you’re trying to get back home using public transport whilst also running on barely 2 hours of sleep!

being in this type of situation made you rethink your whole original thought process; romanticizing my ass, you thought, i don’t even have a car, who made me think getting into a university that far away from my home was a good idea??

as you pondered, you didn’t realize how your eyes seemed to close by themselves, almost like they were being forcefully shut tight by some invisible force; despite the numerous loud noises assaulting your ears, the ones that would prevent you from falling asleep in an average context, you were getting dangerously close to snoozing. you fought back and mentally slapped yourself to stay conscious, of course, not wanting to doze off in the middle of some practically empty subway, (especially not this late into the night). the thought of finally getting some rest, however, no mind the place, was very tempting. 

god, what you would’ve done to be in your bed at that moment.

as time passed, you were getting more and more absorbed by your own progressively ambiguous thoughts and felt your eyes get heavier, eventually falling deeper into a state of deep and extreme fatigue. 

it wouldn’t hurt to rest your eyes for a few minutes, right? you thought.

giving into the desire, you finally allowed your eyes to take a break and closed them, feeling almost immediate relief when you did.

until that relief turned into annoyance.

your eyes attempted to rest for what felt like only a small minute, the only thing preventing you from fully falling into a deep state of slumber being the movement of the transport and the stress of potentially missing your stop.

this was useless, only thing you could do was push through the whole ride and crash into your bed as soon as you get home.

when your eyes eventually fluttered back open, you raised your head back up and blinked away the sleepiness, allowing yourself to get used to reality, the setting and environment of the subway becoming familiar to you again. because, despite that break being short, it was enough for you to feel like you were dreaming. 

you cluelessly looked around, from the left to your right; the latter being the direction that your head was strangely leaning into. you were immediately greeted by an unexpected sight. 

a woman that looked about your age, but something about her somehow radiated maturity. her visage was coated with nothing but gentleness, yet her gaze was so strangely stern and tense, offering a balanced contrast to her face; she looked intimidating, yet had more than a welcoming aura. the girl’s facial structure was beautiful, too, but you mostly noticed how her long, wavy and healthy-looking black hair gracefully fell onto the slightly chubby sides of her face before you observed all of her other features with close attention. 

her mouth had somewhat of a downward triangular shape, it almost looked like a natural pout; you still could barely register anything in front of you at that moment, but you knew it was captivating.

man, you thought, she’s really pretty.

then, you realized that the reason why she was staring at you in that worried, puzzled manner.

you fell asleep on her shoulder.

“a-are you okay—“

before she could finish her sentence, that realization made you quickly snap back into reality and freak, very clearly embarrassed out of your damn mind, “shit, i’m so so sorry i didn’t mean to doze off like that, dear god i’m sorry—“

“i-it’s fine. i promise, it’s okay.” she waved her hands around wearing a subtle and compassionate smile, nervously trying to make you understand that what you did was completely harmless. 

you? you rubbed your eyes, groaning. you were still mentally slapping yourself for doing something that embarrassing; you rested your head and slept on a stranger’s shoulder. a stranger. it may not seem like that big of a deal, but to someone as socially awkward and anxious as yourself? this was suicide.

giggling to herself at your visible and quite frankly unnecessary distress, she slightly tugged on your shirt as a way to catch your attention. once she had it, she proceeded,

“you’re okay, it didn’t bother me at all, i swear. if anything, you probably need to get more hours of sleep if you just take naps on people’s shoulders like that.”

all you could do was look away in a guilty and embarrassed manner, she was right.

then, she spoke up again. “i’ll tell you what,” she smiled, before asking, “which one’s your stop?” 

you stumbled on your words, still slightly fatigued, before answering, “uh.. l-lampfield.”

“ah,” she said softly, smiling politely, “that’s my stop too. it won’t be a while till we get there, so.. you can sleep some more.” 

“but—“

“i insist. seriously don’t worry about it.” 

“o-okay… alright.” you shyly nodded.

she gently wrapped her arm around you and placed her hand behind your head, carefully pushing it onto her shoulder yet again. a sense of relief and comfort invaded your entire body upon being in small contact with her hands, especially when her fingers nicely massaged your scalp.

with every word she softly spoke, she lit up the entire dark subway with light. she radiated light with her presence alone; not sunlight, though… something more discreet than sunlight, something that quietly heals you and keeps you safe from the nearby darkness, unlike the sun that exhibits it for everyone to see. something like… moonlight.

yeah, you figured it out, that’s what she looked like. 

she looked like the moon. 

maybe that’s why it was so effortless to just fall asleep around her.

you let yourself get comfortable as you leaned against her for support. and before you felt yourself get sleepy once again, this time from her tender touch, you heard her same familiar voice place in a few words. words that made you feel safer than any lullaby ever could, words that made you wonder if you would get the chance to ever ask her name.

“i’ll wake you up.”

[silverskye13]

That ficlet of “How long can Helsknight and Wels go without wanting to maul each other to death” gives me the idea of like. Yknow that trope where two characters you assume have never met each other turn out in fact to be buddies who like play pool together or something. That’s Helsknight and XB. Wels gets shunted to Hels and finds XB just chillin in a bar with Hels and goes “WHAT THE FUCK BRO”

"Hels Kitchen, huh?" xB asked, looking up at the sign and raising a spined eyebrow. "This new?"

Helsknight shrugged, leading the way inside. "New enough."

xB sauntered behind him, taking in his surroundings with an easygoing smile. Hels was a little hot for his tastes, but he knew from experience he would get used to the heat after a few minutes. He watched Helsknight toss the bartender (who seemed to be just a very large, contained ghast) a handful of diamonds to cover their tab, and the two made their way to the pool table in the back of the little bar. xB swiped up a couple beers, snapped the cap off one with his teeth (those sharp guardian teeth were good for something after all) and set it down on the side of the table while Helsknight prepped the game.

"It's been a hot minute," xB observed, carefully checking over pool cues for one that wasn't bent. "Been busy busting heads in the Colosseum?"

Helsknight shrugged. "Nah. Mostly just caught up with life stuff. You know how it is."

xB, who had forgotten their meet up last month because he was busy digging a hole to bedrock, knew exactly how it was. "So you haven't been practicing pool while I've been gone?"

"I'll still beat you," Helsknight grinned challengingly. "Guests break."

xB snapped the cap off the second beer, took a drink, made a face that Helsknight laughed at, and then got to work aiming his shot. It was a good break, though the eight ball danced by one of the side pockets, a little too close for comfort. He got one of the striped balls in, and claimed the stripes for the rest of the game. He took his second shot, missed, and stepped aside for Helsknight.

Pool was such a weird game for them to settle on as their friendly competition. Helsknight was a pro at PvP, all things swords and axes and shields. But xB wasn't, and even if it was, swords was Helsknight's job, more or less, and xB could appreciate wanting to do something that wasn't your job, no matter how much you enjoyed it. It was for the same reason he was grateful Helsknight hadn't suggested they go build train cars when they hung out, or terraform movie scenes. He enjoyed it, but this was his off time. The first couple times they met up, they tried playing TCG, but Helsknight was a little too competitive, and xB got tired of debating rules minutiae (and being forced to stomp home and ask Beef a thousand questions). Then they played just normal cards, which lead to the discovery they both appreciated good beer, which lead to barhopping, because hels had bars. Hermitcraft didn't. And eventually, barhopping lead to playing pool, and pool was just the kind of low-stakes game they could both enjoy. Plus both Helsknight and xB were just prickly enough that most folks looking for a fight passed them over, and any who didn't, xB and Helsknight could solidly knock around. xB wasn't a PvPer, but he was big and thorny, and his sharp teeth were good for more than just popping bottle caps.

"You're up," Helsknight told him, leaning against the wall and chalking his pool cue.

"Does that really help?" xB asked, lining up his next shot. He cracked the cue ball into a bunch, breaking them apart. None of them sunk.

"No idea," Helsknight shrugged, putting the chalk back on the side of the pool table. "If it does, it's not in any way I can see."

"So why put it on?"

"That's all this game is good for. Knocking things around and getting chalk on your hands."

"It's also good for avoiding things," xB smirked. "Left the cue by the eight ball for you."

"Rude."

"Just keeping your life interesting."

Helsknight danced around the table, trying to find a good angle and making increasingly frustrated faces. xB smirked and took another sip of his beer, and then grimaced, because he forgot how bad it was. He needed to make sure he remembered this brand so they never got it again. Helsknight had just about lined up his shot when the lights in the already dimly lit bar space flickered ominously. xB raised a questioning eyebrow in the knight's direction.

"What was--"

"XB!" Welsknight came stumbling out of nowhere, all tin-can-armor-clatter. Stumbled into the pool table, shaking the eight ball into the side pocket.

"Hah! I win," xB grinned.

"You did not," Helsknight snapped, slamming his cue in the pool table. "That wasn't fair and you know it!"

"He's your other half dude. It counts."

Helsknight's eyes narrowed, and xB held up placating hands. (He forgot how much Hels and Wels hated each other sometimes. Really it was like watching brothers argue.)

"What in hels is going on?!" Welsknight demanded, re-injecting himself into the conversation. "xB, Hypno said you--"

"See, I told him not to tell you where I was," xB huffed, crossing his arms. "That was just rude of him."

"What are you even doing here?!"

"Playing pool," xB smiled, at about the same time Helsknight spat, "None of your damn business!"

The two knights glared at each other.

xB quietly wondered if he should interrupt their spat or egg them on.

The large ghast behind the bar counter hissed, grabbing all of their attention. It wafted a tentacle over to tap a sign, that said: Anyone caught fighting must buy a round for the bar, or be thrown out. xB looked back at Helsknight, watching him count first the other patrons in the bar, then the diamonds still left in his coin purse, do some mental math, and decide rather magnanimously that decking Welsknight wasn't worth it.

xB offered Welsknight a pool cue, "Care to join us?"

Welsknight eyed the pool cue like it was a snake, before begrudgingly taking it. xB went to get a new stick for himself while Helsknight begrudgingly reset the game.

It really was a good game when you wanted to avoid things.

[bomber-grl]

Dipper Pines relationship hc! ↟

Pairing(s): Dipper Pines x Gn!Reader

The only way a relationship with Dipper is possible is if you’re directly involved with the mystery shack

Bonus points if you weren’t Mabel’s friend who she introduced to him

You probably were interested or dragged into the super natural activities that the twins had stumbled into so that’s what got you close

Now, in the beginning of his crushing on you, it was definitely because you were into whatever nerdy thing he had to say 💀

You’d probably back him up to an extent and that definitely helped especially with people like stan and Mabel who team up against him to tease

Especially if you believe in him and choose to stick by him and help, then he’d definitely develop a crush.

If you’ve been buddy buddy then the sudden change in dippers demeanor is certainly a stark contrast

Now he gets nervous or even a bit hesitant at the slightest indication of, well, anything 🧍‍♀️

If his obvious acting isn’t enough to tell you that he likes you then Mabel would probably be the one to accidentally spill

Well regardless, if you approach him and confess your shared feelings he’d probably be so shocked 😭

He’d need some space and time to think it over because not only is he pretty young but he never even considered the possibility of you two being together

Once the two of you get together he’s the definition of awkward

I mean, sure you’re besties or whatever but when the more romantic things happen… he’s not the best

I mean he’s more logic based than anything so that’s to be expected but doesn’t stop him from getting whiplash every time 😭

Once the secret is revealed to Mabel she’s insufferable

She wants to tell everyone and once dipper just doesn’t care, she does 🧍‍♀️

Now, onto the actual hcs

Nothing much changes from when you were friends except for how other act around the two of you

Most times now grunkle stan will have the door open rule and you two are practically open targets for whoever feels like teasing the two of you

Even if dipper does as little as helping you out with something Stan and Mabel are having a field day 💀

Most times you and dipper just hang out whenever really, and there’s always a supernatural aspect of it

So there’s no surprise when the opportunity to actually do couple things arises

The two of you don’t really ever show physical affection

Mostly because people in your lives act like those teachers at school restricting pda-

But let’s go into that

Dipper doesn’t ever really participate in physical touch all that much besides when he’s forced to by Mabel but yknow

I mean sure, he hugs people sometimes but it’s different since it’s you

I mean, it’s romantic unlike his hugs with others

So whenever you do it’s honestly awkward 😭

Like he’s kinda stiff and you’re just there 🧍‍♀️ but it gets better dw 💀

He eventually just tells himself it’s “no big deal” and tries his best

I mean eventually it’s not a big deal when you show affection but that doesn’t make his blush any less obvious

The same thing when holding hands

Most times others just tease about the pda and stuff

I mean that’s to be expected but when you first hold hands he sorta refuses (?)

Eventually he just claims that his hands are to sweaty and he’s just not ready for that 😭

Ok ok so I know I’m painting an image of dipper that makes him seem unwilling to hug or give any form of physical affection

But that’s really not the case

Like whatsoever

He’s just pretty young and never been in a romantic relationship so he’s just awkward

Promise he’s not running away 😭

The fact you guys were close friends before really helps a good deal since it’s less awkward yknow?

Well anyway,

Dipper really appreciates someone who is there to back him up and like the things he does

If you’re calm and use emotions rather than intellect then honesty you guys are a pretty good balance

Especially since you help him see things he normally wouldn’t have

If you ever ever mention or walk into him singing ABBA I mean BABBA

Then he’ll scream 💀💀

Literally

He so freaked out and if(most likely) you’re also a fan then he luckily isn’t weird anymore

Ok so I’m sure anyone whose reading this (basically just likes dipper) has researched everything on him

So when you’re just hanging out or sum dipper turns to you and tells you his real name

And I know for some this isn’t even a big deal, like ??

But it’s cannon that dipper really doesn’t like his name and prefers to not even speak of it

And cmon, if you knew dipper you’d be curious on his name right? I mean atleast to some degree

So when he tells you it’s mason I mean it’s sorta anticlimactic but it’s good to know he trusts you

Plus, he just asks that u don’t tell anyone or call him that so 🤷‍♀️

-

While writing this I just realized how similar him and hiro are

[forgottenroisin]

Malconaire Samain Traditions

AUTHOR'S NOTES

ok so!!! before i get into this too much, some author's notes, starting w fun facts abt irl samhain (which i wrote samain above bc that's the old irish spelling and we're mostly going w old irish spellings here -- caoimhe rather than keeva, etc) that im running w here are as follows: ancient celtic tradition holds w largely two types of major celebration on their quartered calendar: Beltaine and Samhain which occurred on opposite times of the year, and Imbolc and Lughnasa which also straddled the year. The latter set marked important crop rotations: sowing and harvesting the fields.

The former, however, are said to have been dedicated to the movements of cattle herds and their shephards. At Beltaine, the shephards and their flocks would wrap up their half year of having held their beasts at home amongst the village in the valleys where they were safe from winter snows. at samhain, the shephards would do the opposite: begin driving their herds home across the treacherous montain passes from where they had been grazing in upland pastures for six months, and heading home to the valleys. Both Samhain and Beltane were seen as liminal or threshold holidays. Yet, they were also seen as inverse of one another, with Beltane being a festival for the living and Samhain for the dead.

Many Irish and British Neolithic tombs are aligned such that they are illuminated by the light of the sun as it over Samhain and Imbolc.

In Celtic belief, all spirits appear to be interlinked, w ghosts alternately appearing as faries or gods and vice versa, so I've used guardians, gods, and ghosts here where I thought most appropriate as stand ins but yeah this is just my interpretation??? Anyway, fairy mounds are often literally burial mounds so make of that what you will! I did ultimately choose to include ghosts but I strongly considered restricting it to purely guardians and gods, but yeah! Lmk if you think I should go back and restrict it to just those two!

Samhain in Ireland and Scotland are pr similar, so there'll def bc riffs from both cultures but, bc Rosie's name means little rose, and the very related ancient Welsh tradition of Calan Gaeaf ties in both roses AND ivy v strongly, I'm gonna be pulling a lot from that, as well.

I'm also gonna steal some Venetian St. Mark's Day beliefs and practices and English St. Mark's Eve ones. I have zero excuse except that it dovetails really nicely, and that its frankly sooo fitting for our Miss Rosie.

all the 'tales' here are inspired and even drawn directly from ancient lore!

Cleansing fire and light, cleaning, divination, guising (dressing up and trick or treat-esque shenanigans), dancing, mummery, saining (blessings), feasting, belief that spirits (good and evil, human and fae and godly and demoic, etc) walk amongst us that night, and veneration of the dead are common themes, and it is believed that it is this time when the veil is thinnest between the various otherworlds and our own.

Samhain is a last deep breath before the plunge. It is a time of preparing for the death of winter to come. Interestingly, Samain, the Old Irish root word for Samhain, is thought to come from an ancient word for 'summer,' though it was celebrated in November. No one knows why, but imma lean into it as a rebirth kind of symbolism -- yknow that 'spring in winter' sort of concept. Another explanation is that Samain comes from yet another ancient word that means 'reuninion, assembly,' and imma lean into that, too.

There was initially a fortnight of celebrations for Samain, which overtime got cut down to our modern night of Halloween, so idk how long this celebration should last hahaha and i deliberately left the timeline vague bc of that

Conveniently, I'd already hc'ed that Rosie actually views autumn as more a time of rebirth than spring (weirdly enough, it was actually one of my v first hc's for her!), and all this will allow me to tie it in nicely with her character theme of wonder <3

(Also disclaimer that you might notice some similarities between this and my TFW not!halloween traditions in which case...no you didn't ;DDDDD its just that i was inspired by the same sources hahaha except here i pulled in welsh and venetian things as my secondary instead of ancient roman and greek things aklsjdflkjdfdf)

SAMAIN TRADITIONS

like her sisters, rosie was born around the time of an ancient astairan holiday, causing the celebrations to overlap in malconaire

hers falling near samhain, an autumnal festival celebrating the midpoint between the autumn equinox and the winter solstice, and is held to mark the beginning of winter

it is said that it is at this time that the veil between this world and the other is said to be at its thinnest and, thus, the guardians are feted in an effort to strengthen them during this most dangerous period, w seers and all the ppl of astaira gathering to do whatever they can to help

it is a time of unity and mutual faith, generosity and thanksgiving, of finding strength and hope and cheer in ourselves and in one another even as things grow their darkest

as twilight gleams its last, all the fires in the region are put out and a great bonfire lit by a seer at the local shrine. from this protective blaze, every fire in the region is relit so that cleansing, protective fire burns for the guardians against the gods in every home, every shrine, and every gathering place across all malconaire

it is said that on this night, sometimes even non-seers can hear the whisperings of the guardians -- and that, at times -- the howls of the gods echo across the world, but beware to any who hears ought, for gods can appear and speak as any being they wish and, it is said, one must never trust a stranger who arrives upon samhain who will not go into the light

according to ancient tradition, anyone who believes w a true heart may wield some of the powers of a true seer because the veil is so thin, and in addition to being able to hear the voices of gods and guardians, can also sometimes hear the voices of their deceased loved ones

sometimes this is said to be a trick of the evil gods, but many believe that deceased loved ones do in fact arise

in addition to the fires, many gifts of food and drink and harvest and flowers etc are offered to the guardians, in addition to gifts of delights and entertainments such as dances and plays

as it is said that ghosts rise from their graves at this time, whether crossing over from an otherworld or revived by the power of the wicked gods, welcoming feasts are held in every home and, during the feasts, in addition to offerings made to the guardians, places are set for dead members of the family who may be visiting their loved ones while they are able

hoping to thwart any wicked spirits or gods who might be walking the earth, many wear a guise each night when the protective power of the sun is snuffed out

bc it is said that everyone may have use of a seers powers, it is also tradition to go from house to house and give offerings and blessings back and forth there, and this is often when fires from the great shrine bonefire are brought to each home, as well

following feasting in homes, there is also a tradition of gathering around the great bonfire in the evening and sharing sweets

while there, dancing and plays go on with gift-giving continuing well into the night

traditionally, one carves their name into a stone and then tosses it into the fire. those stones that had had the name burned clean off of it will receive good fortune. those whose names are still writ upon the stones will do well to take care over the course of the winter, with death or misfortune said to hunt them

Myths, legends, and ghost stories are all frequently told around the bonfire, with some tales being considered specific to Samain, and others simply tall tales or simply invented stories, but whatever their origin, stories play a highly important role on Samain, both as offerings and as entertainment. i'll include one or two as a sample somewhere in here

traditionally, all across astaira, peace was delcared during samain and it was a great time of unification, of treaties, of mending fences great and small, neighbor to neighbor and nation to nation, alike, w any conflict or even grudge, save that against the gods, being seen as borderline blasphemous, and an insult to the guardians for all efforts must be communally poured into that conflict at this time

in this same vein, it is a time for housekeeping, both great and small -- houses are cleaned, spick and span, and great councils are called by the rulers to undergo yearly reforms

anyone who broke laws during this time would, therefore, be banished for the rest of the year for the grievous offence of having wounded the goodwill of the guardians

traditionally, astairans avoid crossroads during samain, said to be haunted by nefarious deadmen and gods

on the morning samain, young and unmarried people traditionally go out into the fields and collect ivy and autumn roses. traditionally, girls collect ivy while boys pick roses, after which they come together again, with the girls presenting the boys they admire with ivy and the boys presenting roses to the girls they fancy. if a couple's presentations are mutual, they then wind them together and create crowns of roses-and-ivy to wear. at the end of the day, each girls collects all the roses she has been given, and each boy all his ivy and mingle them till they do not know who gave which. then they toss one into the bonfire for the guardians are return home, placing the remaining plants under their pillow. it is said that they will then dream of their future and, if they remember any of the dream, some of it will come true in the coming year. it is also sometimes said that if they dream of a particular other person, they will likely wed that person.

unmarried women are instructed to darken their rooms in the evening, and then a married woman can look into the mirror to see the face of the future groom. If a skull appears in the mirror, the unmarried woman is meant to die within the year. If a future groom cannot be seen, unmarried women are instructed to peel an apple and throw the skin over their shoulders. The shape the apple skin makes is said to show the first initial of her future husband

just before midnight, any remaining children are bundled off to bed and, then, it is tradition for those who wish to see to gather on the holy ground of the shrine, for surrounded by the guardians is the only way one may safely witness what is to come. those who do not wish to see must return quickly home and close all their windows and close their eyes and try to sleep, for any not protected by the guarian who looks upon it shall die on the spot. those who stay at the shrine may see, but they must maintain absolute silence or it is said they shall never see again. at midnight, the dead walk. a whole squadron of them troop by, but if one should spot oneself or any known to one trooping with them, that person is doomed to die within the year. some say the cause of death may even be observed, drowned victims soaked to the bone or hanged men marching with nooses around their necks, and such the like.

games and friendly competitions around the bonfire are common, such as dares and apple bobbing

two hazelnuts roast near a fire; one named for the person roasting them and the other for the person the desire. If the nuts jump away from the heat, it is a bad sign, but if the nuts roast quietly, it foretells an excellent match. 

Items were hidden in food—usually a cakes and breads — and portions of it served out at random. A person's future is foretold by the item they happened to find; for example, a ring means marriage, and a coin means wealth

A salty oatmeal bannock was baked; the person ate it in three bites and then went to bed in silence without anything to drink. This was said to result in a dream in which their future spouse offers them a drink to quench their thirst

Egg whites are dropped in water, and the shapes foretell the number of future children

SAMPLE OF SAMAIN TALES

story of a seer who rushed up to the door to the otherworld in the repulsion of gods, but closed the door as the gods were sealed off on his thumb. he then sucked on his wounded thumb and, from that moment, was said to have gained otherworldly wisdom but the cost was that he was, too, a link that the gods had to this world so he ultimately sealed himself, too, away inside a tree using their own magic to bind himself so that he could harm no one, but it is said that the gods have no mercy and that they force his ghost to walk the world on the night of Samain and sow the seeds of their ill-will for the year to come.

the monstrous gods used to demand two-thirds of the ppl's crops and livestock and even children during samain before they were sealed away, causing many to starve

a certain god, it is said, would command three men to go to a certain goddess every Samain to seduce her. when they inevitably failed, he would take their lives and force them to walk the world as his undead vessels for the rest of the year, wreaking untold havoc upon the world till at least one did succeed and the goddess gave him her magical garter. before the god killed his two companions, the goddess' lover, said sometimes to be from the snail house and alternately from the frog house, warned the vile god that it would spell his own doom if he struck those men down. laughing, the evil god did so, and so the lover used the magic girdle to fight and defeat him and help the guardians seal him away ((fun fact, this is drawn from a story said to have been the origin of the bog men...hence the frog or snail house being involved!))

one samain night, before the veil was raised against the gods, the king offered a prize to any who could tie a band around a hanged man's ankle. each challenger after the other fled in terror to the king's hall but one. when the band was tied, the dead man asked for a drink so, feeling pity for the hanged man, the challenger carried him on his back, stopping at three houses. when they entered the third, the dead man drank and spat it on the householders, killing them. returning to the gallows to bind him again, the challenger spotted an army of the gods burning the king's hall and slaughtering those inside. the challenger pursued the host through a portal into an otherworld where he learned that what he had seen since touching the hanged man was only a vision of what would happen the next samain unless something was done. he returned to the hall and warned the king, and astaira began to arm themselves against the gods who plotted against them.

another tale tells of a man who fell deeply in love w a goddess before the veil was raised against them. so in love was he that he followed her to an otherworld, despite her warnings that if he followed her, he could never return home. they lived happily together for two years before he began to long for home. watching him pine away, the goddess agreed to allow him to visit the mortal realm on her own horse, but only if he solemnly swore never to dismount the horse which would take him there and then back to her. he hastily agreed and started on his way. yet, when he arrived, he found that in the mortal realm two hundred years, and not two, had passed and that everyone he loved had died. distressed to see their graves, he fell from the horse to kiss them, but as soon as he stepped upon the ground, mortality found him and he grew old and died on the spot, collapsing as no more than bones and dust upon the earth of the graves of those he loved.

according to legend, the tradition of presenting roses and ivy to a lover originated when a man of low social standing is said to have fallen in love with a lady of house malconaire known for wearing ivy in her hair. in order to win her father's approval -- who said he might only wed his daughter if he could prove his love for her was true -- he became involved in a distant war. he was mortally wounded in battle, but managed to pluck a rose from a nearby rosebush for his loved one. a companion was entrusted with returning the blood-stained rose to his lover, who cast the ivy from her hair and wore the rose until the day she died. from their graves, buried beside each other, ivy and roses still grow.

CHARACTER HC'S

it was during samain, many years ago, that domhnall and later his heir, eilionora, offered roderick a treaty but both efforts he rebuffed. to the first effort to achieve peace he did not reply. yet when eilia tried again, he did, sending her only a piece of paper that bore simply a list of the countries he'd already conquered, with astaira's name listed at the bottom. eilia did not try again.

on the samain before bran and sorcha began courting, he decided that he would woo her with the traditional roses. sadly, however, he wasn't able to get out into the fields until late and, when he finally did, all that were left were very, very small roses, indeed. fortunately, she had the same idea and presented him with ivy as well. when she saw the wee rosebuds, which he presented with some embarrassment, saying he ought to have given her something far greater, she laughed and declared that someday he would -- if they ever had a daughter born in autumn, her name should be roisin, for the first gift he had ever given to her.

last samain, rosie presented edmund with ivy, forgetting he problably knew nothing of the tradition (and would likely consider it heresy, if he did!) realizing too late that he probably didn't know what she was telling him, she laughed and made a joke of it, weaving him a ivy crown, anyway, saying that if he meant to rule over astaira, someday, he best pay attention as he would have to know how to make a flower crown. she never mentioned it again.

bran threw eggs into water with sorcha the year they were married. when her egg predicted four children and his six, he was terrified it might mean he would outlive her and she laughed and told him that was a ridiculous thing to suppose, for he'd come to their marriage with two children already: his raven, and malconaire.

the year of sorcha's death, she stayed out to watch the ghosts walk, hoping for a last glimpse of a loved one whom she had just lost, while bran took the children home to sleep. she was drawn and white when bran awoke the next morning and, though she made jokes of it when he mentioned it and proceeded about her day, she seemed distracted, but would say nothing of what she had seen. at the time, bran only assumed that she was distressed about her loss, but after she died, he always wondered if perhaps she had seen her own spirit on the march that night.

though usually done privately for their parents, rosie always enjoyed mumming with her sisters at samain, telling tall tales and dramatic ones alike amongst themselves

while she hasn't done any mummery since childhood, as she imagines its likely not dignified for a lady of her age and position, she does still enjoy guising and generally dresses as favorite heroines from fairy tales and other stories. she is convinced cassandra would enjoy this as well and wants to bring her to such an event one of these years. no o ne can seem to convince her this is terrible idea.

cillian stays out late every year to watch the souls pass and, every year, he informs saoirse that he has seen her go by, but she says she'll have her revenge one of these days, because someday he ~will see her, and then he'll be sorry when he has to tell her so and she laughs in his face.

[ilikeyoshi]

yknow what i had an epiphany this morning. i think a lot of the "older ppl treating kids like they're stupid assholes" problem comes from the well-intentioned place of, as we get older, we DO learn and grow, and when we are older than a given person we want to reassure that younger person that like, listen, you'll survive this, or you'll figure this out, or so on.

and because it's coming from good intentions a lot of adults just don't realize it's not actually that useful to kids or teens or early twenties ppl who need to be heard and listened to and helped NOW. especially because when we were younger, everything felt like dismissal, if not derision, but now we're older and we think we're being reassuring and helping younger people learn perspective.

but i can tell you it still looks like derision on the outside, and i bet you anything a ton of the adults who treated us like shit thought they were helping too. "it gets better," "it takes practice," "you'll figure it out," is all like, TRUE, but when you're 5 or 12 or 18 or 21 it doesn't address anything going on RIGHT NOW. around like, 26, "it gets better" started TO be helpful to me because i'd lived through enough shit that this is a real, tangible, proven fact, and not just something i have to trust even though it FEELS abstract and frankly doesn't actually do anything to help me with a problem Right Now.

like. you know how so many people genuinely don't expect to live past 16, then 18, 22, etc? i think this is a big factor into why it usually kinda stops after 22-25, because, well, you HAVE lived every time, and you HAVE found the truth in it gets better, you'll figure it out, etc. but before that it feels insurmountable. and frankly, for a lot of people, it IS insurmountable. youth suicide rates are absolutely insane.

i think i can see this bigger picture mostly because i've just thought about it a lot, because the shift from "everyone i know agrees we'll never treat kids the way adults treated us" to "why are all these decent, compassionate people treating kids like shit?" was so jarring and apparent to me, but if i dig deeper i've fallen for a lot of little traps too. it used to annoy the shit out of me when younger people disregarded anything i said, until i stopped and realized all i WAS saying was, "it gets better," and not only does that not help or solve anything Right Now, but it (not inaccurately) implies that this isn't a Real Problem, it'll solve itself, you'll be fine. and that feels so belittling and demeaning and dismissive when you're younger and you just haven't lived through as much shit yet. i remember being told shit like this! it feels like no one cares. it feels like i'm not Allowed to be hurt or upset or angry until i'm old enough that any problems i still have become real to other adults. it SUCKS.

and ironically i figured out why this kind of reassurance—which has its place and is absolutely useful and good in the right contexts!!—sucks when you need help or relief NOW through a friend who was going through something i went through when i was 13. like. to me, this was already proven as Things People Can Survive, but to my friend, this was the first time it was happening. this had never BEEN survived by them before. they were almost 30 when we had this conversation!

and it made me realize how patronizing and useless "it gets better" sounds when you've never even SEEN better yet, and even if you had, what good is "better later" when you're hurting now? i think kids get SO MUCH "it gets better" and not nearly enough "help now" that of course it feels like dismissal and excuses and resentment. and if we as the adults who have survived things aren't careful, it CAN literally at its core BE those things. it sure was for me!

edited to add: like i think the biggest thing i see happening is kids being treated like stupid dramatic jerks for Feeling Things. and i think a lot of these kids would be a lot more receptive if they were ever told, "hey, the feelings matter. even if in 5 years this doesn't hurt anymore, it hurts now, and that deserves to be acknowledged and helped now." like that'd often what i wanted at least. i almost didn't care if it stopped being hard later, it's hard NOW, it hurts NOW. you survived it, great, how do i survive it? what did you DO to survive it? what would you do differently to survive it now that you're older?

[scattered-winter]

BOOK ASKS!!!! 1, 4, 7, 11, 17, 20 <3333

book you’ve reread the most times?

ooh...probably either the six of crows duology by leigh bardugo (I have the whole thing practically memorized at this point...) or pjo/hoo.....theyre sooo <33

4. what sections of a bookstore do you browse?

YA, usually, just because that's generally where the authors I like are, but I'm SUPER picky about which YA books I actually read because well. *gestures at most of them*

7. is there a series/book that got you into reading?

I've been an eager reader for LITERALLY as long as I can remember (the way my mom tells it, I literally taught myself to read which tbh I don't remember enough to dispute that fact and it makes me sound cool so I'll take it) HOWEVER as a kid I was a huge fan of the magic treehouse and bailey school kids series. idk if they were the first ones I ever read tho

11. what non-fiction books do you like if any?

oooh ok ok so when I was a kid my parents had a whole STACK of these nonfiction books for kids called "I wonder why" and each one had like. a different theme. my favorite one was "I wonder why triceratops had horns (and other questions about dinosaurs)" and the whole book was about dinosaurs and answering different "questions" that kids might ask about them. and bro I ate that shit UP. I think my family had about 15 to 20 of these books, in a range of topics from extinct animals to ancient egypt to reptiles to plants, and I used to stack them all in a big pile on my bedroom floor and just read each one, cover to cover, one by one. I must've read those books at LEAST 7 times each, and I loved them soooo much. a lot of the topics are STILL interesting to me (like dinosaurs and extinct animals and ecosystems) and it was so funny because the other day my mom was talking about all the old books the family used to have and she offhandedly mentioned those ones and said something like "yeah none of the kids liked them so they just sat on the shelf :(" and I had to tell her that I actually had them mostly memorized at one point lmao

the series had a revamp pretty recently so most of the search results are the new covers but here's one of the old ones that I used to have :]

17. top 5 children’s books?

the "I wonder why" series (as seen above, because autistic kids deserve a fun little treat :]), magic treehouse (fun historic adventures !!! ALSO a fun lil autistic treat :]), the bailey school kids (THEE OG DETECTIVE GANG), animorphs (war crimes <3), and warriors (more war crimes <3)

20. what are things you look for in a book?

mostly I just look for a good time !!! I loooove complicated/fascinating worldbuilding, like with six of crows, and I also want to be reading about characters who I like/connect with !! if the book is romance-centric I'm less inclined to want to read it UNLESS it's very well written (six of crows is largely about romance but they're all sooooo well crafted that I just ??? love them all ???? and it's also balanced out by the platonic dynamics and overall worldbuilding and plot so they're very enjoyable to me even though the romance plays a big part in it) BUT OVERALL I just wanna have a good time yknow

book asks!!

[audiovisualrecall]

Also have anxiety intrusive I guess thoughts? For example, we went to a baseball game and were up high but not in the seats right at the edge of the level, which is good because going down the steps to our seats my anxiety was going what if you fell and then you FELL? (Held on to the railings like crazy, swapped from one to the next when there was a gap, very nervous letting go to go down one step into our row) and it popped up in my head every time I went up or down those steps until I was able to forget mostly about it due to the fun and excitement and also having managed the stairs fine by then several times I wasn't nearly as nervous later in the evening. During the same game, one seat ahead of us they had a baby, like just about ready to stand up soon baby, and one of the mom's friends was holding the baby on her lap just holding onto the baby's hands and letting her practice standing or whatever, and I'm sure it was fine but my anxiety kept rearing up and going but what if the baby suddenly lurches forwards or backwards and you aren't holding her enough and she FALLS - even though there was another 2 full rows ahead of them with people in them before the edge. And we'll the fact that the barrier on the edge was like bupkis was stressing me out, like at the bottom of the stairs was a taller thick plastic wall, so if you tripped down the stairs you wouldn't die, that's good, but if you were in the rows at the very front what if you stood up and lost your balance and idk somehow managed to FALL like the idea just stuck in my anxiety brain. Always going up escalators is what if you lean too far back and overbalance and FALL, what if you trip, what if what if what if. Elevators soooometimes I get the what ifs and what would I do's.

If someone else is cutting veggies or something to cook I get worried like they could cut themselves what if they did?? And if I'm cutting stuff it'll pop into my head what of I cut myself that would be terrifying!!! Like not in a 'what if I did, huh' kind of way but in a 'aaaaaaaaaah' kind of way yknow?

Anything like, what if I accidentally touch the hot pan? what if They accidentally burn themselves? I have a hard time staying in the workroom or thinking too hard about it when my dad is using the table saw (some other tools can be nerve-wracking but that's The Worst one, imo) because I'm so anxious something will happen, bc table saws are dangerous and terrifying and confidence kills as easily as incompetence, ok. The idea of driving - the unpredictability of other drivers and what they will do is going to be a big stressor for me to try to get past to learn to drive. I'm hoping I can manage it bc the freedom!...but even as a passenger in tensing and stressing about what rhe guy next to us is going to do next, and that kind of jumpiness led me to flip my bike at 14yrs old bc the sidewalk narrowed and there was bushes, a fire hydrant, and a pole leabing into my way and I panicked and crashed, and while I once i picked up bikeriding again, worked on that reaction and on not doing that, I still definitely tense up and get distracted by like the fear of hitting/getting hit which I'm afraid will cause me to crash.....but I need to be able to be independent in this small way, so. Hopefully I can work through it..

When my parents were away I couldn't sleep in my room bc it makes me too anxious to not be on the main floor when it's just me, and being able to climb out the window and be on the ground floor or be able to lock myself in the bathroom without going down a hallway first, if there was an intruder, meant a lot so I slept in the den on the sofa because it meant I was able to sleep at all, because I was able to control one thing in the situation, and had answers for the what ifs anxiety came up with. If I can't answer the what ifs adequately, as in have a plan/solition/ways to prevent it/etc, I can't stop being anxious about the thing. Unfortunately.

Idk. Anxiety is just The Worst tm ok

[rivalcobalt]

oh no, I'm sorry. I didn't ask to try and get you to give information about yourself you'd rather keep private. I personally don't care what anyone's ethnicity on here is. I wanted to ask that because I wondered about the thought process behind the renaming of mixed anglophone trans people. Also was thinking about the potential societal pressure mixed trans people might feel to conform to some degree when renaming themselves. I know some immigrant parents give their kids local names to fit in

so I thought maybe t. people do that too and wanted to ask you that. Tho I realize my question wasn't clear on that. I don't think you need to worry about talking abt your ethnicity tho. Atrocities sure, EVERY people have a history of them. They're always committed by a group of people tho. It's never a defining trait of an entire population. You shouldn't have to add a disclaimer like that. If people online or where you live have made you feel bad about that I'm sorry, but they're blockheads. or not just mixed people but also 2nd gen immigrants and such. well it figures that people would consider naming themselves in their other native languages as well. I guess the everyday racism can be too much when coupled with the transphobia. I don't think you are a coward at all.

Oh no don't worry, you're good, it's just that I'm being careful for general internet safety reasons/not being visible to parents or employers here. I don't mind sharing my naming process in more detail (I'll add it under the cut in case it answers any other questions you had).

The disclaimer was definitely me being hypervigilant because of tumblr being tumblr moreso than from actual bad experiences that have happeend to me. Generally people don't even know the history of the area well enough to use it to justify racism against Turks, but I have seen it happen a few times. I mostly just don't want to be associated with Turkish nationalists, but yeah it really isn't something anyone should have to worry about when saying what ethnicity they are. I do think that if, say, Kurds or Armenians hate Turks that's kinda justified though.

Anyways I hope this helps answer some questions? I can't say racism and transphobia weren't things I thought about, but I pass pretty well as cis and white, so they were probably less significant than for some others.

Funnily enough, I think my dad (Turkish) who actually wanted to give us more typical English names as kids but it was my mom (white) who was like "nooo it's so much more interesting to give them Turkish names" and didn't really understand why he was apprehensive about it until we started like, getting shit at school for it lol. 2000s islamophobia + elementary school kids parroting youtube and all that lmao

I actually didn't really have memorable incidents in high school, just everyone mispronouncing the name to a point where I just kinda stopped bothering to correct everyone. I was probably less bothered by that than most cis POC would be, since it wasn't a name I really intended on keeping anyways. I did consider whether or not I should go with a Turkish name, but I was mostly just like "man this is annoying, I don't wanna have to explain how to say my name all the time" yknow? I also didn't feel particularly strongly about wanting to keep a Turkish name since like... my parents had some bits of Turkish stuff around at home, but I can't speak the language and I wasn't really raised with distinctly different cultural values or religious practices from the average white kid. It's not that I don't think it's important, and I understand why it's important to a lot of other people, but it didn't feel critical enough to me to have a signifier to everyone about it.

(Plus, uh. Kinda heavy but my mom was catastrophizing at the time about how me transitioning would impact the family and threatening suicide if people found out that I was trans and traced things back to them, so I definitely didn't want it to be anything that would give hints for that.)

Michael was actually an impulsive compromise with myself around not outright kin naming (Mikaela -> Michaela -> Michael) lmao. I don't regret it though; it's been so fucking funny having a common name so I can get online "hate" messages like "why is your name Michael" and so friends can send me new shit like this regularly

[jo-thebesties]

tagged by @maidenofmadness

Who were you named after?

when people ask "what's jo short for?" the answer is either "because she's got little legs" or "jacking off" depending on the company

Last time you cried?

coupla days ago. im rather broke and depressed atm

Do you have kids?

nah

What sports do you play/did you play?

i used to play rugby union back in high school. i havent really been particularly active since then. i like walking and swimming.

Do you use Sarcasm?

the way this question is phrased is just completely undoing me. like, yes? of course? do people not use sarcasm?

First thing you notice about people?

i honestly dont know. like, i dont know if i really have an "approach" to observing people

Do you have any talents?

ive been painting warhammer for, like, 16 years or smth and im pretty good at it now. i like trying to make every model into a little diorama. currently im also working on my big mech army, which means lots of heraldry and intricate freehand patterns bc each mech should feel like its own art piece im also a really good cook

Scary Movies or Happy Endings?

in this dichotomy, probably happy endings? i dunno, i like endings that sit with you, whether cathartic or deliberately not so

Where were you born?

sydney in australia i do kinda like it here

What are your hobbies?

cooking, warhammer (my beautiful wife got me back into playing after i had mostly just been painting for honestly nearly a decade), videogames and kink stuff

Do you have any pets?

besides me beautiful wife, no

How tall are you?

i think around 6'2 but i honestly keep on forgetting

What was your favourite subject in school?

back in high school? yeesh that was like 13 years ago. I guess it was geography. it was rather political and we had a great teacher who was trying desperately to get the kids to be less racist and more curious about the world i did like a lot of the criminal law courses that i did in uni bc they were taught in a rather critical way. like, we went through an awful lot of analyses on what even is the purpose of criminal laws and the convoluted ways in which they are shaped, the inherent corruption of the police and how the process is as much part of the punishment as the nominal sentence. i realised that i didnt really want to practice in that area because, yknow, its actually peoples lives on the line, but learning about it was good

Dream Job?

sometimes, i really want to cook. ive made burgers a couple times at home and the process of getting everything all ready for the final quick cook and assemble is rather nice. dunno if i would want to work as a cook considering what a job like that actually involves.

funnily enough, i did quite like my last job. like, it was the sort of law where i was almost a bureaucrat so it was not particularly combative and i was knowledgeable and it was a nice way to help people in an area that was low stakes but still important to them. like, i would like to abolish private property but in the world we currently live in, conveyancing aint that bad of a thing to do.

[cleaning-has-its-benefits]

Now here are 3 Omori-centric fics I ended up discarding. I could have made 3 separated posts, but since they’re all about Omori, then I thought I could just make a single post for them all. Three for the price of one, a good deal!

Tw for mentions of suicide in the second one

The first and most recent one was a pre-canon fic. It took place a little after Omori had been created. It’s summary would have been “Omori’s first lesson.”

So here Omori has been created recently and while he’s mostly functional, he doesn’t know shit of what’s going on and how things work, but he’s eager to learn and listen to Sunny’s instructions. Well, he does know about why he was created and what Sunny expects from him but yknow, he doesn’t really get the implications and all that, he know the theory but not the practice.

At some moment Abbi enters in whitespace, to talk with Sunny and generally offer some comfort because he really needs it, and she wasn’t really expecting to see anyone else in whitespace.

When Omori sees her, he immediately realizes she’s one like him, so a creation of Sunny, and he feels curiosity towards her, but he mostly wonders if she would want to be his friend and if she would want to play together.

Abbi, somewhat concerned at seeing a copy of Sunny, kinda getting a hunch it isn’t good news, asks Sunny who that is, motioning Omori. Sunny then tells her Omori’s name and a bit of what his purpose is, to protect Sunny from being hurt, someone strong, brave, and, above all, a good brother. The memory of blackspace is still fresh in his mind.

Hearing this, Abbi, with as much tact as possible, tries to explain to Sunny how bad this idea is. She kinda reads between the lines of what Sunny really intends for Omori to do, to replace himself, and being the wisest, she can predict how things will turn out. Maybe she gets visions of the future of what Omori will do or idk.

Sunny gets annoyed at her. He kinda gets like “didn’t ask” and Abbi gets more insistent in that Sunny is doubling down on his bad habits and that Omori will end up causing more damage than bringing any solutions, and that there are better ways. At this point in time, Sunny doesn’t believe at all that he can live life after what happened, the incident still too recent, and it either case, he doesn’t believe anything can make things worse than they already are. Maybe Abbi’s confrontation vaguely reminds him of the last time he spoke with Mari, or idk the point is that Sunny gets so annoyed with Abbi that he snaps and he’s the one who banishes her, no matter her pleas. Omori witnesses all of this with curiosity.

Immediately after Sunny second-guesses what he’s just done, but Omori reassures him that it was a good decision. Omori was made to be loyal to Sunny and he thinks the way to accomplish this is to agree with everything Sunny does. At this point he doesn’t have a good grasp of what’s good and bad… though I guess he never gets a good grasp of that, and he thinks Abbi’s punishment is acceptable. Warranted, even. Whoever defies Sunny and his wished deserves to be punished, and for this he should never get too attached to anyone, since it’s his job to do Sunny’s bidding, that’s Omori’s first lesson.

I decided to shelve this idea because I feel like it doesn’t have enough substance to be it’s own thing. It feels more like a flashback that should belong in a longer fic.

The second idea was a post-hikikomori route, taking place around one or two years after the events of the game, when Kel and Aubrey are in their last year of high-school.

This fic would have been a multichapter one and most of the scenes I had imagined where about Omori traveling back to Faraway town and meeting the rw friends. I guess the premise kinda goes against the point of the hikikomori route, but I imagined this fic when I was really into the concept of placing Omori in the real world and seeing how long he lasts before fucking it up royally.

I just kinda had a couple of loose scenes and ideas, no concrete plot.

The first scene I had imagined was of Omori meeting Aubrey. Now, one of the main things of this fic is that Omori doesn’t understand he’s in the real world. He believes he’s still in Sunny’s mind, and thus he still operates on hs rules. The point of this is that when he sees Aubrey for the first time, he isn’t surprised at all at her appearance or behavior. He kinda sees her similarly to all the Aubreys he stumbles upon in blackspace, more like curiosities than anything. The same goes for Kel and Hero, he has no attachment to them.

So, after wandering around Faraway for a bit, he finds Aubrey at the same spot the friendgroup originally met her, when she cried about her lost shoe, and she looks beyond depressed.

Basil’s suicide hit her hard, and since then she has lost all her rebellious spirit. She’s convinced she’s the reason Basil is dead, and she lives everyday in regret. A good part of the town believes the same, and if she had a bad fame before, you can imagine how things are for her now. And maybe the worst part of all that, in her eyes, is that the hooligans got dragged into that fame as well, all because she was blinded by anger and self-righteousness. Now they’re known as “those who drove a poor kid to suicide.” Although they’re still her friends, many of the families have forbidden them from associating with Aubrey any longer, and Kim is the one that has mostly stayed by her side. Another friendgroup lost, another friendgroup intermingled in the horror of suicide, but this time around it’s all her fault. Now she spends most of her time alone, on purpose avoiding Kim and the others, since she doesn’t want them to have more problems because of her. Graduation is coming up soon, and Aubrey is planning to leave Faraway once school is done. After her experiences with friendship, in certain way she believes misfortune must’ve chasing her, and she’s hesitant, or afraid even, at trying to make new friends somewhere far from there, so she’s planning to just… keep everyone she meets at a distance. Right now, all she wants is to get away from this town where she has felt so much pain.

In those thoughts she is when “Sunny” unceremoniously stops in front of her. Of course she’s surprised and somewhat disbelieving. She hasn’t seen Sunny ever since he first shut himself in, and most importantly, he hasn’t seen her in ages. He hasn’t seen how she became in her teenage years and much less how she tormented Basil until he killed himself because of it. Does he even know Basil is dead? She doesn’t think she has the face to tell him, and much less tell him the why, and how much she has fucked it up.

So when she speaks with Omori, she request him to forget he has seen her that day, and to just remember how she used to be, before everything went to hell. If he wants to reconnect with someone, he should go speak with Kel, who was at school. An important detail, when she asks Sunny to forget about her, she takes the pink pinwheel next to her and pucks it out.

She doesn’t seem to want to talk anymore, so Omori listens to her and heads towards the school, quickly forgetting about the encounter, that’s what he does best after all. Since he just sees her as a creature of blackspace, he doesn’t offer any comfort.

After that, I had an scene where Omori arrives at the school just before recess or P.E. or whatever, the point is that he first finds the school empty and sits down to wait, and later he talks with Kel over the fence. I didn’t elaborate this scene beyond this because I couldn’t decide what would have been Kel’s opinion on Aubrey. I can see it going both ways, it depends if they got to reconciliate during the three days or not.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I had considered that when Omori first arrived at Faraway, by methods I hadn’t decided, his first idea was to go to Sunny’s house, finding the door closed. So, he wanders around trying to find a key, so after Aubrey tells him to go fetch Kel, he takes this as a mission, and wonders if maybe Kel has the key he needs.

A scene related to this is Omori simply breaking into the house, there finding a mother with her two daughters. Of course the mom is scared shitless at this rando entering the house like he owns the place, but Omori doesn’t pay any attention to her. He goes to Sunny’s room and there he finds a different arrangement, so he solves to sleep on the floor, in the place where Sunny’s bed used to be. Later he’s woken up by a policeman or smth, I didn’t really plan this and probably I wouldnt have used it since this sounds more out of a crackfic

Anyways, now there’s a couple of lose ideas I had for this. The first is that, of course, once Omori learns of Basil’s death he isn’t surprised at all. He’s only a little confused that Basil died “off screen” before he even arrived, but he reasons that this means in this place he has to find a Basil too. Maybe after spending some time with the other friends, while he doesn’t necessarily get attached to them, he thinks that Sunny wouldn’t want to see any iteration of his friends as sad as they are, so Omori makes a mental note of keeping an eye for any Basil he finds and bring him to the others.

And the other idea is the part where Omori fucks it up royally. So, for this Aubrey, Kel and Hero are kinda trying to maintain what’s left of their broken group (so the brothers don’t think ill of Aubrey). While spending time with Sunny, and probably noticing he’s acting weirdly, but all of them have changed due to what they’ve lived through, so they don’t question it much, they decide to look at the photo album, a very solemn activity. Probably Aubrey cries whenever a photo of Basil comes up and she’s comforted by the brothers. Although its really painful for her, she treasures each of Basil’s photos greatly… sadly, Omori doesn’t understand that.

In a moment where the album its left unattended, Omori takes the opportunity to “take care” of it. He remembers how a long time ago Sunny scribbled all over the photos, and he takes that as the example of what he should do with this album. Dunno if this other thing would be in character for how I’ve established him, as uncaring for the others, but seeing Aubrey’s pain it’s for him another justification that the album is bad. That’s his whole deal: anything that causes hurt is bad and he must get rid of anything bad. Then Aubrey (and Kel and Hero too, surely it’s painful for them too but for different reasons, and they kinda don’t express their pain as openly as Aubrey) wouldn’t feel so much pain.

So, since scribbling them out wasn’t a permanent solution, Omori solves to use scissors.

When Aubrey goes to check on Sunny, she finds whatever tiny pieces of the album are left. Omori hesitates a bit when he has to cut the last photo left of Sunny, since he misses him, but he doesn’t get to do so before Aubrey confronts him. I think it’s probably believable for Aubrey to react violently in this scenario, and it’s a bit of a reality-check for Omori. Normally he has free-reign to do his duties of eliminating whatever may threaten headspace’s functionality, and anyone trying to interfere must be eliminated as well. However, not only Aubrey easily overpowers him, but she also disarms him without much problem. Omori had never been disarmed before, and the brothers are the ones who must separate them. Not only is this humiliating for Omori, but also… extremely concerning. Just then he starts to question that there is something horribly wrong.

The friends question his actions, which they aren’t supposed to do, but also he’s powerless to put them into their place. Of course Omori doesn’t try to explain anything, he’s never had to justify his methods to anyone and he isn’t about to start, so he kinda destroys Sunny’s relationship with his friends for this. Aubrey pretty much tells hims to go fuck himself and never show his face again, and Omori complies, for the first time feeling something besides apathy towards these friends. He feels hatred, for how they defied him and lived to tell it. But above all, hes concerned, for what this entails.

After all that mess sunnys mom goes to fetch him or smth. Probably Omori ran away from home unintentionally because it’s not like he has to ask anyone before going on adventures.

Anyways, the reason I didn’t write this fic was because I didn’t have a plot in mind, just a few interactions.

The third and last fic goes in the exact opposite direction, being a post-good ending scenario. This is actually an scene I had thought of for that post-good ending fic I talked about some time ago, “don’t you think you’ve caused enough trouble?”

So, the scene starts with Omori exiting the room of pictures (right now I don’t remember how it usually called, the lamp room? Well its the room that replaces sweetheart’s castle), making sure to close the door behind him, more out of habit than anything else, since anyone it’s allowed to visit that room and he doesn’t have anything there to guard… or in general he doesn’t have to guard anything. Since Omori doesn’t have any purpose for the time being, he decides to spend his time exploring the new headspace, while he waits for Sunny to give him a new purpose.

Headspace now it’s a big forest with a natural coloration, with a illumination similar to the crossroads. Right now it looks like it’s evening. While there’s always a sense of melancholy, there’s also a sense that things will finally start to get better. There’s no much of headspace yet. In the distance there can be seen a city, but it’s a part of the scenery still, one cannot reach it. I didn’t get to decide concretely how headspace would have been.

Omori’s exploration would would have centered more about the feel than anything. He walks with a slow pace, rather aimless, though it’s not like he has any rush in reaching anywhere. Without a goal in mind, he decides to find the friends, more out of habit than anything, or so he tells himself, but it’s actually because he feels lonely.

After a while of wandering and describing the scenery, Omori spots the friends talking in the distance and he starts walking towards them. Hero, Kel, Aubrey and Basil are chatting eagerly with each other, about their hopes for the future and stuff like that. Since Omori stands out like a sore thumb, he doesn’t need to get too close for them to notice him. They look in his direction for a moment in silence, and then they resume their talk, ignoring him. Omori, at this, reasons that they’re Sunny’s friends, not his, and that since now Sunny goes around on his own, they don’t have a reason to associate with him anymore. Being the king of repression, he simply goes away, unwilling to admit how hurt he feels, and continues to wander around.

He then decides to go find Sunny, to check on him, he tells himself, but it’s actually because he’s still lonely and Sunny is the only one who would be willing to offer company to him.

So he wander a bit more until he finds a shed or something, I didn’t decide, but the point is that this is a special room, because this is the place Sunny has dedicated to mourn for Mari. Here’s the place where all his feelings of sadness related to the lost of his sister go, so it’s a place with a heavy air around it. Inside, Omori can hear Sunny crying.

It’s still his instinct to shield Sunny from those kind of feelings, so Omori peeks inside this place. Inside there’s Mari’s coffin, and all over the room there are white flowers. Sunny is kneeded in front of it, crying about how much he misses her and stuff like that. Omori doesn’t sense at all that Sunny wants his help, and he reminds himself this isn’t his job anymore. Sunny wants to let himself feel these things, so Omori gently closes the door to not interrupt.

Omori resigns himself to his loneliness and decides to get lost and take a nap somewhere in the forest, until Sunny calls him or anything.

And that’s the scene. A random idea I had, related to this fic, is how Omori acts… I guess this counts more as a post-end headcanon. So, the thing is that Omori’s behavior will change depending on Sunny’s attitude towards himself. Omori is docile when Sunny is alright with himself, Omori mostly acts aloof and doesn’t pay much attention to him. Though, on those days when Sunny is hateful towards himself, Omori will stare at him whenever he goes, and if it’s bad enough, like Sunny thinking about all the reasons why he’s a terrible person, then Omori will become hostile, and even attack on sight, and he won’t stop until Sunny gives himself some slack. It’s a bit of a round-about way of keeping Sunny’s self-hatred in check.

Another thing related, now each of the hs friends has a specific purpose, this is to help Sunny work through his relationship with each of his friends, to process his insecurities and hopes about those and all that. So, for example, hs Kel helps him with his relationship with Kel, hs Basil helps him with his relationship with Basil and so on. They help Sunny untangle all the complicated feelings he has about his friendships and hopefully pave the way towards the day Sunny can call them his friends without guilt.

Well that’s it.

[broadwaytheanimatedseries]

HEY SHUT UP IM BACK AT IT AGAIN LETS GO

So im thinking he takes mostly after the mime aspect, really committing to the bit and only very rarely cheating with invisible items, mostly he uses this method to practice at home (whether that's an actual apartment or a secret hideout is TBD) and does actual mime work for his acts, both criminal and genuine performances for entertainment purposes. Obviously his criminal career clashes with the clown code so he can't register as an official clown, but he still puts on shows at Arkahm Asylum for the inmates sometimes, he doesn't really get sent there himself he just likes busting into the place. At first it was to annoy Jazz at work but he's become something of a favorite to a lot of the regular rouges there.

Now the thing about Danny is that Mime is a weird vibe for him to go with, right? I mean we know Danny, the guy cannot stop quipping to save his half life! So what's the deal? Why mime? Can't just be the black and white aesthetic right?

Well, I posit to you, dear Phandom: There's a very good reason why Dan only developed his ghostly wail when he did, and Danny should not have been allowed to develop his so soon.

It is made a big deal out of that he's even capable of this at the age of 14, but it is a power born out of necessity and desperation in its case and like a lot of drastic measures, it takes its toll.

Not only is this ability a strain on the rest of his ghost power, as we've previously seen it physically drain his energy, but it also wasn't meant to be used by anyone with a physical, mortal body. That's why Dan is able to develop this ability with seemingly no backlash, he takes the time to get to know his new form and learns how to harness its power to the fullest, studies his strengths and weakness and only then unleashes this destructive new power.

Danny didn't have the time to do all of that, so when he realized what he had been doing, how he was slowly destroying his vocal chords, he had to make a decision before the choice would be taken from him by his body's continuing deterioration.

Does he continue using the ghostly wail and eventually destroys his voice as Fenton, destroys his human vocal chords allowing only Phantom to be able to speak? OR! Does he take a vow of silence as Phantom, never again using his ghostly wail or speaking a word in his ghost form, so that Fenton could keep his voice?

Fenton only ever had his voice, and now he had Phantom too, but that couldn't always be relied on and was too often a hindrance as much as it was help.

So Danny made a choice, but that didn't mean he'd stop using his powers to help, in his own feral way.

He recalled enjoying the freedom of being a circus act, just not exactly loving the not freedom of being mind controlled into it, and seeing as the truth of his origins had come to light he figured he could lean into both the comedy and the darkness, become a goth clown, Sam would love it!

Gotham comes to know him as a whispered shadow, much like Batman once was when people weren't sure if he was even real.

Their Silent Knight.

(I don't have a concrete name for him yet, that's just what Gotham calls him the way Batman is the dark knight, but one name I'm playing with is Dead Air. Yknow cuz like, aerial stunts, and also ghosts, and also synonym for silence? There's precedent for names like that with Deadman... maybe he should be Deadair? That don't look right to me tho... anyway, workshopping it!)

He uses his powers of speed strength and flight to pull of literally impossible feats of acrobatics that make Dick jealous, ice and ecto blasts make for easy slapstick and can be shot discreetly enough that really only the bats and even then, only the bats who are actually there to witness it happen would ever notice, as ecto activity has a hard time showing on camera fully in tact if it even showed up at all.

And despite never using his voice, he never had an issue expressing his sass and roasting both bats and rouges through miming alone.

Anyway yeah that's all for now, let me know if you want more of this AU!

I found a chart for some simpler clown breeds in case anyone was wondering about the breed of their beloved clown companion(s)

(I don't know who to credit as this has been re-posted on many platforms many times)

[slutforsilverfoxes]

Performance Review

“Babe!” you squealed with excitement, practically skipping over to your husband’s desk as soon as the elevator doors opened into the bullpen. “Babe babe babe!”

Faking an exasperated sigh, he took his reading glasses off and absentmindedly threw them onto the desk, turning his attention to you and noting the cute frown on your face. “How come you came in all excited but now you’re lookin’ at me like that?”

“Because you have to be more careful with these, Jethro,” you admonished him, delicately folding his glasses and giving them a little pat after placing them next to his beloved coffee mug. “You’ve got beautiful eyes and I don’t want you straining them.”

“Are you my wife or my mother?” he grumbled in response, stretching his hands toward you to pull you in for a kiss. Instead, you used two fingers on his forehead to push him back, disgruntled.

“Why would I kiss you after you just compared me to your mother?”

“I wasn’t comparing you, just saying that- nevermind,” he shook his head, laughing at your antics. “Now cmon, what’s got you all excited?”

A sudden blush crept across your cheeks and you found yourself growing shy. “Maybe I shouldn’t say,” you mumbled, nibbling anxiously on your lip.

“Y/N,” he drawled out, squinting at you and trying to discern just what was going on in that head of yours. “I know everything about you, hon. How bad could it be?”

“Well not quite everything,” you clarified, trying to muster up enough courage to admit your deep, dark secret. “It’s just- well I’ve been- I started a blog online where I write stories about you and people really like them.” You rushed out your admission of guilt as fast as possible, swinging your hands up to hide your face.

“You did what?”

Peeking out between two fingers, you smiled sheepishly at your husband. “People really like cop shows and they especially like the handsome men on them, so I just thought I’d provide some clarity as to the real thing. But I write it as fiction!” You were quick to clarify, grimacing at the shell shocked look on his face.

“You… write about our cases?” he quirked one eyebrow up.

“Not exactly,” you countered, moving behind him to massage his shoulders, a trick you had learned early on when you were dating that turned your man into putty beneath your fingers.

He hummed in appreciation, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back against his desk chair. “Then what?”

“Sometimes I write about our dates, yknow how sweet and romantic you can be despite how tough you are on the job.”

“Y/N,” he repeated your name, opening one eye to glance up at you. “I interrogate people for a living. I can tell when you’re skirting around the truth.”

“Okay! Okay,” you huffed out, steepling your fingers together and pressing them against your mouth. “I maybe kinda sorta mostly write about how good you are in bed?” Your voice ticked upward in anticipation and you closed your eyes, readying yourself for a patented Jethro Gibbs tirade™️.

Your eyes flew open at the sound of choked laughter and you smacked your hand against his chest, indignant. “Don’t laugh, Jethro!”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he managed to apologize between his hearty chuckles, curling a hand around your hip and pulling you close to him. He slipped your phone out of your back pocket and used his fingerprint to unlock it, something you were impressed he recalled how to do despite refusing to use a “PDQ” just a few years ago. “Which one of these is it?” he asked seriously, finger hovering above the various apps on your home screen.

You clicked on the colorful little “t” for him, hesitantly navigating to your blog.

Slipping on his reading glasses once more, he squinted at the screen before clicking on “# jethro gibbs”

“You couldn’t come up with a character name?” He frowned up at you playfully as you stood by his side, and you shrugged in response.

“Takes me out of the story,” was all you offered by way of explanation. “Are you.. actually interested?” You watched his eyes run over your page, skipping down to the header titled “NSFW” and a blush once again crept over your cheeks.

“Jethro,” you whispered, appalled at his boldness. “You can’t read it here, it’s literally not safe for work!”

“Shush,” he admonished you in return, pulling over another chair and patting the seat to indicate you should get comfortable. “Consider it a performance review from HR.”

[nikrangdan]

enhypen x short!reader

pairing: enhypen x short!reader

genre: fluff, comedy

description: how enhypen would react to a short reader!!! this was requested btw i hope u guys like 😁 ive written separate headcanons for sunghoon and jay before but i wrote more here anyways 😏 THERES A COUPLE CUSS WORDS IN HERE

———————

HEESEUNG:

okay lets get this straight

hes literally the tallest member in enha

and then ur the shortest in ur friend group

POWER COUPLE ⁉️⁉️⁉️

im literally crying bc when u guys are standing facing each other heeseung is just looking straight over ur head LIKE UR NOT EVEN IN HIS LINE OF SIGHT

and THIS is why he always has his arm around ur shoulder or he makes sure ur holding onto his arm or smthn

HE WANTS U TO BE WITH HIM AT ALL TIMES BC SOMETIMES HE CANT SEE U☹️☹️☹️

and when hes practicing he likes to bring u up to dance with him

like he holds ur hands and u just try to 💃🏻🕺🏻💃🏻 with justin bieber playing in the background

“i cant dance heeseung u know this” u stare up at him

“i know just vibe to the music~”

he finds it hilarious so hes giggling the whole time u two do a little jiggy

AND THEN HE GETS ALL SOFT AND TURNS U AROUND TO BACKHUG U AND FACE THE MIRRORS and he watches u guys sway back and forth slowly to the music

he loves the height difference and hes always looking at it in mirrors

JAY:

*takes a deep breath* ... JAYYYYYY‼️‼️

he probably mentioned how short u are a couple times when you first met but i dont think he would be the type to constantly point out ur height and tease u or smthn

BUT!!!!! he loves it

alot of clothes you like are often too big for you and hes like

I Am Here To Rescue You From Distress, My Love

Ur so thankful for him!!!

he loves finding clothes for you

shirts arent a big problem its mostly the pants

AND HE LIKES BUYING U PLATFORM SHOES

he says “u look so good”

Jay ur superman 🔥

idk he just thinks ur so cute

he likes to stare at u like 🥰🥰☺️☺️

❤️_❤️

Jay has such big heart eyes for u AAAAAA

when u two are in the kitchen u arent able to reach the high cupboards

SO HE BOUGHT U A HELLO KITTY STOOL

one time he stood on it and was like “y/n look”

you literally almost broke your neck trying to see him because HE WAS SO HIGH IN THE AIR

so high u were like “u got enough oxygen up there⁉️⁉️”

and then he said “u look like an ant” and he started dying at his own joke

But he never pulled that stool stunt again bc u attacked him viciously🤗🤗🤗

JAKE:

Wait im crying already

everytime i write about jake i have to take a break

hes literally too much for my heart

Okay

HE GIGGLE.....

he GIGGLE!!!!!!!

HE GIGGLES AT EVERYTHING U DO

Hes so obsessed with u its not even funny

he probably loves u more than u love him AND HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE BC HES JAKE SIM

His favorite thing ever is when sit in between his legs and ur back against his chest yknow

when u guys watch movies he feeds u popcorn like that

IM GONNA SAY THIS FOR ALOT OF THEM BUT

Head Pats!!!!!

He pats ur head alot or ruffles ur hair alot

and hes just so gentle with u

Ur like his little baby >_<

HIS BIG JACKETS WAIT

Jakes big fluffy bulky jackets

he wants u to wear them

and he

he zips them up all the way and puts the hoodie over ur head

and he just dies of laughter

Ur standing there like 🧍🏻‍♂️

“its getting hot in here jake”

you tried to flick the hood off but the chunky sleeve mixed with ur short arm was not a good combination so you couldnt even raise your arm

That made jake lose it and he just fell to the floor in tears😭

but seeing him so happy made u 🥰☺️ kinda so its okay

SUNGHOON:

Hello hand holder

i say this whenever write for hoon

but this guy🤝🤝🤝

Get those hands ready yall

mmm okay

he probably calls u shorty whenever he teases u

Rude ass 🙄

ur like “😐” and hes like

“im sorry” *attacks u in a very messy and unmannered hug to the point where u fall back onto the couch and almost break ur leg*

i bet he holds stuff up in the air so u have to jump up and attempt to get it😭 so evil

but he doesnt like seeing u suffer for too long so he gives it to u after like 5 seconds 😁

he teases u alot but when ur out in public hes like Bodyguard Hoon

Hes not letting anything happen to u!!!!

once again HES HOLDING UR HAND AT ALL TIMES

one thing he says he doesnt like but we all know hes lying is when u like to jump on his back and force him to give u a piggyback ride

he just accepts it

one time u fell asleep on his back and he was like

“uh y/n”

silence

yeah he eventually plopped u on the couch which woke u up

SUNOO:

Sunoo thinks ur so adorable 💧_💧

like u two could just be sitting next to eachother watching something

and u have ur legs pulled up to ur chest and ur arms wrapped around them with ur chin on ur knees

you hear him giggling to himself

u look over like ......🤨 “what”

“nothing y/n *giggles again* ur just so cute”

ur like Staaaaawwp and u push his shoulder

and then he pushes u back

AND THEN U START FIGHTING

Play fighting ****

u guys laugh so much 😭😭

sunoo likes to talk about you alot

to everyone

literally everyone

to the boys: “omg y/n fell trying to reach the garlic LMAO”

to his mom: “y/n went up to this guy thinking it was me and pushed him it was so funny”

to his instagram: “how did y/n fit through my neighbors doggy door and why”

PLEASE when u two have arguments for fun

u go jump on the couch so u can be taller than him

and u just stare at eachother before bursting out into laughter

he loves to show u off aaaa “heres y/n” ☺️☺️☺️☺️

JUNGWON:

EXPECT TEASING AT LEAST ONCE A DAY

Please i think id cry if i was friends with jungwon (AND NI-KI)

he play too much 😫 he actually has no chill

“can u reach this y/n? or should i carry you *evil laugh*”

but besides from the teasing he adores u so much

and theres some things you arent able to do

But hes so happy to do it for you!!! he loves feeling like hes doing smthn for u

He always has this proud dad look on his face whenever u literally do ANYTHING

u could literally pick a twig off the ground and jungwon would go 😊 thats my y/n

he likes to massage ur legs when ur just chilling on ur bed or smthn

hes got one hand massaging ur legs and his other hand massaging his own legs

“i’ll make us grow taller y/n!”

“what??? you don’t need to be taller jungwon, i do!!” u snatch the hand hes using to massage his own leg and plant it right back on ur own legs

he starts laughing really hard and u think ur the president of comedy now 🔥🔥

he likes feeling tall when hes with u

but he also likes being babied 🙁🙁

Plz give him head kisses and cheek pinches

NI-KI:

This kid is literally a titan

and hes crazy

picks u up BRIDAL STYLE and starts running around the room like an animal

like WHAT ???????

he says its because you’re the only THING around and he needs the exercise

and this kid is a teaser too😫😫

“y/n can you hand me the cereal up there? oh wait you cant”

you turn around like What the hell did u just say...

yeah he got a smacking that day

NO BUT SOMETIMES HE BE TAKING THE JOKES TOO FAR AND RIGHT AFTER HE SAYS IT HES LIKE

“im just kidding i didnt mean it”

Anyways

ni-ki is also very sweet

he offers piggyback rides and makes u little gifts

one time u got a cramp from being on ur tippy toes too long

he was laughing at first but then he saw ur eyes welling up with tears and he ran to u really fast 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

ALSO WHEN U HOLD HANDS you both always stare bc THE SIZE DIFFERENCE PLLLZZZSSMMMNXX

heres an analogy

ni-ki hands : whale :: y/n hands : seahorse

LITERALLY U CANT EVEN SEE UR HANDS ANYMORE

they just vanish into thin air and u guys think its peak comedy

“whered ur hand go y/n 💀”

[dont-look-me-in-the-eye]

first, let me tell you something- i don't know how to write poems.

yeah. really.

'cause all everyone ever talks about is fucking sunsets and trees and water and death and you can pick em apart tryna figure out what they're really saying but-

i don't know how to write poems.

honestly, everything i say is just what i feel. when i say my anger burns like fire and claws at my bones i'm not being poetic.

i'm saying that because when i'm angry my bones ache, my hands shake, and my muscles feel like they're on fire. they're's no poetry in how i speak, you feel me? it's just how it is.

that's why whenever i try to write i poem i end up writing more of a conversation than of a poem.

i don't know how to explain any of it. i don't know how to write poems.

it's like- there's this chaos inside. and it's so loud, and i need to say something but i can't. i can't. i need someone to listen but nobody wants to hear the ill-worded speech of someone who's so emotionally blank it doesn't know how to fucking express it.

actually, i just stared at a wall for a few minutes, and someone who was made for this, made to make beautiful things, would probably say something, they'd spout some shit, and i wouldn't understand it but it would make me feel something, even if i can't fucking figure it out.

they'd probably say something about nature and chaos and the soul and love and

i don't know much about love.

i guess. maybe that's my problem. all the poets are so in love with the world. they see all the beauty in it, despite everything.

anyways, that's not really what i was made for. it's just- it's just so beautiful, and i guess i thought i could make something beautiful.

i'm not good at this shit. i mean- i haven't written even one poem without swearing in it.

and yeah, fuck the puritanical ideas that words can be tainted with an f-bomb but sometimes it's just-

fuck. i don't know.

see there? i'm trying so say something poetic but i can't. because i don't know what i want to say.

sometimes it's just like, damn, they have something amazing going on there. and they don't even need to say it directly, yknow?

they can turn feelings into words and put them on a page.

i can't fucking do that.

and this isn't just me being pessimistic, it's just how it is. how i am.

yeah, sometimes i don't think i was made to make pretty things.

the other week, i put together the whole plumbing system for the basement sink 'cause we're renovating and it's easy enough.

i told my uncle it was just like putting legos together. he seemed impressed. i didn't tell him it was too easy to require congratulation.

it's like - like i'm a wolf. except instead, they're forcing me to be a lapdog.

and it's - it's nice, i guess. i don't really mind it? but - it's not right. the real lapdogs are good at it. they're cute, they're comforting, they love it. i hate it. i don't. i don't know.

(hey look, i used a metaphor.)

it's just... off. look, i'm trying but it's off. i'm big and i have teeth and honestly i never really got the 'love' thing to begin with. i want to kill them all but i love them too. i haven't eaten something i killed in years.

let me put it this way - i practice my bass a lot. i'm pretty good too - but mostly because i practice when i think i'm gonna punch a fucking wall, which is pretty often if you're me. i can play really fast but people don't know that it's the adrenaline that gets me through it at first.

it's just that i'm not good at it. it's not a practice thing either, because i've been writing and talking my whole life, and you'd think that a decade and then some would be enough to at least be able to express myself but it's not.

and - i'm all over the place. what is this "poem" even about? because i don't know. i don't write to make it be beautiful - i don't create for any other reason that i need to say something and if i don't i'm gonna kill myself or someone else.

and that's not a metaphor. because i'm not a real poet. i do this because i have to, or someone is going to get hurt. i hate having to write poems.

i'm just blowing my brains out my head; it's not my fault it made a pretty fucking pattern.

maybe one day i'll see a beautiful sunset and then i'll feel something that'll make me rush to write it.

maybe one day i'll write a poem because i'm happy.

fuck, not to be depressing or some shit, but i don't think i've ever actually been anything other than angry.

it's all a ruse, you see? underneath the numbness there is apathy and below that is anger that burns so hot that i choke on it as it comes up my throat.

that's not a metaphor, either. that's just what it feels like.

so yeah, i'm a fraud. sorry. i'm not in love with anything. i don't hate anything either.

the problem is, i can't feel anything good. i can't feel happy and i can't feel that i'm in love and i can't feel hopeful.

fuck, i can't even feel scared because all i feel is that adrenaline rush every time i wake up. i don't know what it is.

so, judgement, yeah? i don't think i really have that. good calculations, good predictions, but not good judgement. there's a difference, even if they mean the same thing.

judgement is more emotional, i guess. exposing myself like this is weak. and maybe it's not, but it fucking feels weak.

i was shaking when i first wrote this. i couldn't feel anything but i was shaking. i'm not shaking right now. i guess i just don't care(?). i don't know how to name these feelings. i don't know how to feel these feelings.

sorry i let you all believe that i was actually, you know, creating. the truth is i'm alone and pissed and good at making people believe that i'm someone i'm not.

Did you make good judgment?

[sarabehaveokay]

Things I hope to see in the next season of Cobra Kai:

I GUESS SPOILERS FOR SEASON 5

Hector aka Miguel’s dad returns : Opens a door for Johnny and Carmen’s relationship to develop when it’s her past lover that reenters her life. Johnny’s past already made an appearance now it’s Carmen’s turn. Maybe he appears to be a nice guy/ a changed man now that he knows he has a son. Maybe miguel is still vulnerable and in denial enough to buy into his bullshit even for a little while. Maybe he will use miguel in his “businesses” once he sees what an asset he could be based on his fighting or smthg. All in all i want to see this dangerous man in action like don’t tell me he is, show me. Like him telling miguel about what happened in Ecuador and running from the FBI feels like a tease and it’d be a waste to leave him in the dust.

Step away from the plot for a sec and focus on the characters’ growths: i feel like this season too many things were happening like they’re setting up for the big match and neglecting what could be important character arcs and journey. Like Tory this season, yes we see her struggle in Cobra Kai but I want to see her battling this and coming out on top. See her contemplating returning the trophy, wanting to tell robby, seeing how Devon is getting poisoned by Silver and Sensei Kim; things like that. Same goes for all of them especially the teens like the adults i feel they’ve mostly sorted things out this season. Namely Daniel. Oh and seeing Johnny settle into becoming a dad. A good better one, i want to see that development.

Robby and Miguel being awkward brothers: it’s still weird to me how they can just let go of 4 seasons worth of bitter rivalry and miscommunication like with a snap of a finger. Maybe despite their shared interests in girls, they have different interests and hobbies and basically just them having the chance to have a heart to heart where they actually talk it out yknow. Maybe robby can confess how he felt jealous of miguel’s relationship with johnny and maybe even confessing how he’s scared he might feel the same towards the new baby or that johnny would let them down again. Maybe (most likely) miguel would also confess his jealousy of robby having a present father and confessing what happened in mexico with his dad. Then they’ll comfort each other and be like they have each other’s backs and all. We saw protective miguel maybe we’ll get protective robby too.

Prime Miguel: this boy has been through way too much for him to lose another tournament. Since I hope his father would have a part in the tournament -whether he’s partnered up with a dojo or is a judge or something- it would be the time and place for him to show his dad that he shouldn’t mess with miguel. I want to see him tap into that ruthlessness and confidence he had in the first season of cobra kai but more refined now that he has had more practice and more styles and sensei than before. Right now I don’t think he has found his balance like Hawk but thanks to his father, he will and he will be unstoppable.