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jensensfanfic · 1 year ago

Text

A CONFESSIONAL ESSAY

[or: a part 2 to 'kissing montage']

pairing: imogen heaney x f!reader

prompts: heartstopperweekly's week 1 prompts -> 1: summer break/holiday) & 3: "Please help me with my homework. I'll owe you one."

word count: 2.2k+

warnings: flirting, established relationship, an almost-love confession, reader literally runs away from her feelings, anxiety

a/n: this was written for week 1 of @heartstopperweekly. it can be read as a standalone fic, but i do recommend reading my fic, "kissing montage" first for the best experience. also, idk if the 'essay themes' mentioned would actually be a thing, but let's just pretend for the sake of this fic

—☆—

Imogen flops onto the bed face first, and the contents of her pencil case all fall out and roll onto the floor where you have your own stationery and books spread out into organised spaces. You hear her begin to talk, but it's muffled due to the pillow her face is now buried in.

"What was that, Im?" Laughing, you rise to your feet and plop onto the edge of the mattress. "Didn't quite catch it."

She lifts her head just long enough to repeat herself. "I said we only have a week left to finish our summer homework, and I have no idea what to write for my English essay."

Imogen slams her face back into the soft pillow and groans loudly. You shuffle up the bed and lay down, peppering her shoulder in little kisses to get her attention.

Imogen sighs and then rolls over to face you. "It's your fault, you know?"

"Excuse me? What's my fault?"

"This... I could've had this stupid essay done already, but you're just so d—" She cuts herself off.

"'So', what?" You lift your brows and wait for her to explain the blush that starts to spread over her cheekbones, but then she suddenly shifts. "Hey, come back and tell me why this is my fault."

"Just forget I said that." Imogen slides off the bed and back onto the floor, picking up her book again to find a blank, lined page. She starts to draw a cloud with little lines coming out of it. "Come on, help me brainstorm ideas."

You follow her to where she's sitting with her legs crossed on the carpet and pull out your phone.

"Wait, what are you doing?" She asks, leaning over to try and look at your phone screen. "You're not gonna help?"

"I'm taking a break."

"But I need you! Help me, please!" She tries her hardest to plead with you, eyes wide and lips pouting. Reaching over, she lightly ghosts her manicured nails over your arm rhythmically.

You'd be lying if you said that the feeling didn't send shivers down your spine; make you want to give in, and then lean over and kiss her– homework forgotten.

"Nope." You shake your head, rapidly blinking heavenly thoughts of flicking her hand away and pulling her over you. "Not until you tell me why it's my fault that you can't write your damn essay."

She huffs, and you hear the little thud of her pen dropping onto paper as you continue playing a game on your phone. You purposefully turn up the volume and grin.

"Really?"

"Really." You look over the screen at her and wiggle your brows. "You can't just blame me and then not tell me why."

"It's just a stupid thing. I didn't mean it, alright." She rolls her eyes. "Just... ugh! Please help me with my homework. I'll owe you one. You're so smart and so creative and so good at—"

"Hold up, hold up, go back. You'll owe me one?"

"Yeah, anything." She perks up, desperate to keep you interested in the possibility of a deal. "We could, uh... go out after? Maybe a cinema date? Or we could order in pizza? I'll pay for it."

You drag your bottom lip in between your teeth and look up at the ceiling, thinking, then shake your head. "I'm not really feeling like going anywhere... or pizza."

"Okay, okay..." Imogen glances around her room. "Um... ooh! You can pick one of my plushies to keep. You can pick any one that you want! Besides my queen frog, of course."

You look over at the green frog plush sitting on her nightstand, a little crown on top of its head. You briefly remember when you'd given it to her years ago, when you were both in primary school and your friendship was beginning to bloom into something special; into a forever kind of deal.

You smile, but you don't answer, so Imogen carries on looking around her bedroom until she spots something lying under her bed.

"What about this guy?" She plucks the Luigi plush that she'd practically stolen from you at the arcade almost a year ago. She waves his arms around and pats his head. "I know you still want to steal him right back after I kidnapped him from you."

"Hmm." You reach out like you are going to take him, but then pull back just as quickly. "Nah. I'll have plenty of chances to reclaim him when you're not looking."

Imogen sudddenly throws her head back, and tosses Luigi across the room, making you flinch a little. He bounces off the door and lands perfectly upright in her laundry basket.

"God sake! You're so annoying." She exclaims.

"Rude!"

"You..." Imogen ignores you and she now looks both equally annoyed and nervous, the second emotion puzzling you. "You want me to tell you why I said it's your fault, don't you?"

"Ha, you know me well. Oh, yes." You smile. "I sure do, Im. I'll help you figure out an essay topic for the low, low price of..." You clap your hands against your legs, creating a drumroll sound effect. "Revealing why this is all my fault."

Imogen looks exasperated, but there's a hint of amusement in the slight pull at the corner of her mouth. Her lashes touch the bottom of her eyebrows when she rolls her eyes again, dramatically.

There's also a feeling of nervousness that momentarily washes over your own body and mind. You worry that she might be about to say anything that could cause discord, or a fight.

What if she was about to say something that would upset or anger you?

It's not like you had never had arguments as a couple before. After all, you had been going out for almost a year. When they did happen, it would usually be resolved in true Imogen and [your name] fashion; with a long talk, a couple of emotion-desolving jokes and lots of kisses.

Before you can overthink too much, Imogen groans loudly before saying, "You better not make fun of me. This is dumb."

"Im, I would never."

"Okay, fine!" Her head falls and she fixate on her fingers, starts to pick at a loose thread on the lilac-coloured cardigan she's wearing. When she speaks, her voice is quiet and shy, not like her usual bubbly self at all. "It's because of you. It's your fault because of... you."

"What does that mean, I don't—"

"Ugh! It's because you're so freaking distracting, okay!? You're cute laugh, and your face, and you're so pretty it's very annoying." She looks up like she's asking for help from a higher power. Continuing on, her eyes drop back to her fidgeting fingertips. "Ugh, it's so embarassing... but, I can never concentrate when you look at me the way you do— like that! Like you are right now! I can't focus when you're always so... you!"

You could swear that your heart literally flips inside of your chest as you hear the words tumble from her lips. It takes several minutes after she's finished to say anything back.

"I..."

One word is all you can manage before you take a steadying breath and try to regain a slither of the confidence you had been wearing before her outburst of honest affection. It takes a moment, but you find it, shuffling closer to Imogen.

"You find me... distracting, huh?"

You bump her shoulder with yours, in the space where her cardigan has fallen down to her inner elbow. The familiar sensation of tingles chase themselves all over your body at the innocent, yet intimate press of skin against skin.

It feels like fireworks.

"That's why you can't decide on an essay topic?"

Imogen tries to turn away, but you swiftly take one of her hands, stopping her. You use the other hand to take her chin between your thumb and fingers, and guide her face to look at you properly.

The rose-coloured shadow that dusts her cheeks is now visible, and you find it both adorable and a huge compliment towards you; making you feel all kinds of lovely and warm and prized.

"Im, that's so sweet. And you know I find it hard to get anything done around you as well." You lean forward and kiss the corner of her mouth. "All I want to do when I'm with you, is grab your gorgeous face and kiss you forever."

Imogen's fingers interlace with yours as a small, shy laugh escapes her. She finally replies, tinted cheeks still evident and pleasantly hot under the tender stroke of your thumb. "Really?"

"Can't you tell?" You move impossibly closer and peck the space between the top or her nose and her forehead. "That's why I can't stop looking at you, but I never thought you noticed, to be honest."

"Well, I wish you would stop, so I can get some work done."

"I don't think I could stop if I tried." You rest your forehead against hers and smile. You chuckle then, repeating the same phrase that has become your thing since you began dating. "I really, really like you."

She hums, content. "Hm. I really, really, really like you, too."

Imogen's hand comes up to hold the back of your neck, and you stay locked in the moment for as long as it takes for you mind to come up with an idea, dragging you out of the bubble moment and causing you to pull away.

Imogen's looks dazed and confused, her hand hovering in the air from the sudden loss of contact. "What— Come back! That was nice!"

"Sorry, I just got an idea for your essay."

"Really? Okay, wait a sec." Imogen's eyes widen, and then she reaches for her book and scrambles for the pen she wants; a purple one with a little fuzzy ball on the end. Once found, she rest the book on her leg. "Alright, tell me your brilliant idea."

"You can write about me." Imogen smirks and quirks a brow.

"I— ha— I don't mean that in like, a self-centred type of way. I don't mean you should write about me, specifically, but the theme is romance, right?"

"Or friendship, or family relations. Basically any type of relationship... it's pretty vague."

"Well, maybe you could write about chemistry, like in a relationship. Like ours." You pause for a beat. Imogen's smile is fond as she patiently waits for more. "It could be about how two people can become drawn to each other. How they can feel so connected that sometimes it's all they can think about, to the point where it becomes, you know... distracting."

"Mmhmm." As Imogen nods along excitedly, practically transcribing every word you say into her book, you start to feel breathless. You find yourself pressing a hand against your sweater covered chest.

You try to push on, wanting nothing more than to help Imogen, despite the beads of sweat suddenly adorning the line of your hair.

"Write about how it can actually interfere with your day, thinking about that person and how much you crave being around them, and how much you lo— uh, how much you... like them." You such in a sharp breath, wiping your now-clammy hands on your jeans. "Like being around them. Yep, okay."

You stop abruptly, and Imogen glances at you with expectant, sparkly blue eyes. Her head tilts in the way you've always found so alluring, and she gestures with her hand in a way that says 'carry on' without words.

"Uh— yeah... just write about... all that, and—"

"Wait, keep going, please. This is great." You blow out a breath, and Imogen frowns. "Are you okay?"

Your skin prickles with goosebumps when Imogen picks up your hand and runs her thumb gently over your trembling hand.

"Wait, are you feeling okay?" She puts down her book and lays a hand on your cheek. "What's wrong? You've gone pale, babe."

"Oh... God, don't call me that right now."

You shove her hand away, and immediately notice her mouth fall slightly, a hurt look crossing her features. "I'm sorry, I—"

"No, no. No, don't be, just—" You quickly pick up your phone and stand up. "I need to get out of here."

"You're leaving? But—"

"I have to..." You mumble, then swing open her bedroom door. "I have to go home."

"Wait—" You hear Imogen rustling around as you run down the stairs.

Once you've reached the door and gotten outside, you close the door and lean against in for a quick breath. "Oh, my God."

"What just happened?" You hear Imogen's mother say from inside, her voice prompting you to starting running again.

As your pulse races and your body moves on impulse, your mind reels with the words you are certain were about to spill out of your mouth if you hadn't left when you did.

It's not as though you don't want to tell Imogen how you've been feeling for the past few weeks now... it's just incredibly daunting to think about what her reaction could be.

That night, you don't get any sleep whatsoever as your mind acts like a never-ending camera roll of possible ways a confession like that could have gone; all of the awful, perfect and heartbreaking ways.

"Ugh!"

—☆—

Taglist: @whereimwritingfrom @wqxianwriting @httphayn @imdoingbetternow (lmk if you want to be added or removed to all future imogen fics!!)

#my writing #mine #angelnicknelson #imogen heaney fluff #imogen heaney x reader #heartstopper x reader #kissing montage part 2

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confusedpan-da · 2 years ago

Note

Writing Request! Denki accidentally regressing in front of either the whole squad or just Mina and Sero

THANK YOUUU!!! <3

I got way too happy over this request lol :3

Warnings(?): distant threat of Bakugou blowing the rest of the Bakusquad up. (But he’s only mentioned here)

Also mentions of his birthday that I missed but hey, I’m here now :))

iPhone baby Kaminari entered the chat. ^^ (not a lot of talk about regression etc but idk how to label this soo)

Words: ~900

starts after the cut!

School wasn’t easy. Everyone knew this.

However this particular school day just seemed like an absolute overkill.

Denki sighed when he finally was able to fall into his soft bed. His head was more than empty and his limbs were screaming at him to never be moved ever again.

“Hey there!”

Oh shit.

Denki shot back up.

“Hey Mina.”

“Come on dude, we still gotta ‘talk’”, Sero shuffled in right after Mina while doing some finger guns.

Denki’s response could only be described as the perfect embodiment of a question mark.

“Don’t tell me you forgot?! Hello??”, Mina gasped.

“Oh! Oh oh oh! No! I would never forget…that! The…mh.”

“Theeeee?”, Mina had now flopped herself down next to Denki onto his bed.

“Yeah! Theeeee…. You know.”

“God just say you forgot about the surprise we are planning for Bakugou.”

“Oh That! … I knew that.”

“Yeah yeah.”, Sero rolled his eyes playfully.

“Hey! I did! I just thought we still needed to wait for Kirishima!”

“He’s coming a bit later. S still trying to get some kind of idea out of blasty what he could possibly want.”

“Ah.”

“Are you okay?”, Sero also let himself fall onto the bed.

“Yeah just erm eh.”

Sero squinted but didn’t push any further.

Luckily because Denki really wasn’t in the mood for thinking right now.

“Okayyyy! Sadly we”, Mina fake coughed to hide a little ‘you’ behind it “decided against a grand party with the whole class! Sooo what do we do? Just like ‘surprise! Here is our gift! That’s it.’ or what?!”

“Maybe? I mean that would probably be the safest option, wouldn’t it?”, Sero chuckled.

Denki perked up.

“We could do a… erm thingy. You know!”, he gestured wildly with his hands, trying to replicate the way his hands moved when he was playing with his Nintendo.

Sadly the others didn’t get it.

He sighed deeply.

“You know! The the thing! The play thing! We could do one like the whole… erm you know! Come on!”

“…You mean a gaming night or something?”

“Yesss!!!”, he bounced a little on his mattress.

Mina only laughed.

“We can do that for your birthday but I don’t think blasty would appreciate that.”

“Why?!”

“…because I don’t want to risk losing my head.”

They all fell silent for a little bit while thinking.

“Tha- the, you know! We, so like him and yeah could go to and-“

“Denki! Breathe! We can’t understand you!”, Sero placed a soft hand on Denki’s shoulder while laughing and Mina was smiling at him sympathetically.

“Ah… I mean, we we could go to the thing there to…”, words sure are a…thing that exist. He again tried to just ‘sign’ what he was trying to say.

“Uhhh I love charade! Wait wait! Speak? Type???”

Denki shook his head.

“Erm eat! Eat! It’s eat!”

Yessss!! He nodded.

“Ohhhh you mean going out to a restaurant or something?”

“Yes! God!”, Denki let himself fall fully into Sero and said guy just ruffled Denki’s hair and put his arms around him.

“Poor Pikachu.”, Mina lovingly flicked his forehead.

“Hey!”, he pouted but didn’t actually get to ponder about it too much when his eyes caught a glimpse of Sero’s handy.

Almost automatically he stretched out his hand towards it until he got brutally ripped out of it by Mina’s voice.

“I’m just trying to get into his mindset. Okayyyy.”, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Don’t you think that would end in a kind of Gordon Ramsey episode?”

“Uh ouch, you are right.”, Sero winced playfully.

Damn the phone slipped out of sight.

Denki sighed dramatically.

“Sorry sorry but all your ideas can be stuff for play dates or something.”

“Huh?”, Denki shrieked a little at the word play.

Actually he really wanted to play something right now. Just anything. Preferably games on Sero’s phone.

He cuddled deeper into Sero’s side, loving the body contact and clear view on the phoneee.

“Hey, you are going to make me jealous guys!”

“Kiriii!”, Denki shrieked before schooling his whole everything again.

His cheeks going bright red.

“…hey Denks.”, Kirishima just huffed out before pressing himself onto the mattress as well with a loud sigh.

“I think I messed up guys.”

“What?!”

Denki’s brain didn’t have the mental capacity to really make sense of anything right now anymore, so he just finally grabbed over Sero’s lab and reached the long desired phone.

He squeaked silently and tried to open it.

Locked screen.

Damn.

He shoved his elbow into Sero’s side.

“Hey! What Are you doing with my phone mh?”, Sero ruffled through Denki’s hair again.

“The thinggggg!”, he whined.

How did they just expect him to know all these big words?!

“You wanna play?”

The others laughed.

“You know what, good choice dude. The day was hard.”, Kirishima giggled.

“Uh uh uh! I know something! Since you messed up miserably and Sparky will be here any minute now to blow our heads off, how about we just make a surprise cake tomorrow?”

“Hey! I didn’t mess up ‘miserably’, Bakubro is just way too smart!”

“No no no. You are just horrible at keeping secrets.”

“Playyy!”

“Sorry sorry.”

Finally the phone got unlocked and Denki fully locked out of anything going on around him.

He’ll now play candy crush, thank you!

#mha agere #confused writes #I got a requesttt #Hehe #<3 #Iphone baby Denki Kaminari

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twicethetrouble · 1 year ago

Text

Writing Family Web Daily: Day 13

Content Warning for vague description of surgery and injury (idk if it's necessary but i'm adding it b/c yeah, it's there.)

Donnie paused his efforts as Leo quickly stepped over April to stand next to the bed.

“There. I’m here. Now lay back down before you hurt yourself,” Leo pointed at the bed with a frown.

Donnie watched him for a long moment before snatching the pointing hand in his and laying back down, making sure his brother couldn’t leave. His sides stung now, telling him he really shouldn’t have pulled that stunt, but it had gotten Leo to stop sulking so he really didn’t care at the moment.

“Seriously?” Leo asked with a sigh, looking down at his captured hand.

“Can’t leave now,” Donnie said smugly.

“Just go back to sleep. You need rest,” Leo said, going to sit on the spare mattress like he normally would. But this wasn’t normal. And Donnie didn’t want him to start sulking again just in a different spot. He was exhausted too and Donnie knew he wouldn’t so much as lay down right now unless he made him.

Donnie pulled at his arm, ignoring his half formed protests until Leo was finally laying next to him. He made a face as he settled on his side, seemingly trying to take up as little room as possible so he couldn’t accidentally hurt Donnie.

“What happened with the surgery?” Donnie asked once they were settled. Donnie needed the facts before he could even attempt to fix Leo’s stupidity.

“Nothing. It went fine,” Leo said after a pause.

“Considering I was unconscious for it, I don't know what that means,” Donnie shot back.

“I fixed it. There were no further complications.”

“Then do me the favor of walking me through the process.”

Leo groaned, glaring at the pillow as he tugged at one of the loose strings.

“We sedated you with your tranquilizer,” he began quietly. “Once you were unconscious, I marked where the cuts would need to be made and…did…it. With your impossibly sharp scalpels. I don’t even know where you got those things. WHat are they even made of? Because that’s not normal to steal.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Donnie brushed aside. Leo chuckled lightly at it. “What else?”

“Not much. Removing the affected bits relieved the pressure on your new arms effectively reliving much of the pain it was causing,” Leo explained. He paused for a moment before continuing tentatively. “They, uh, don’t have skin at the moment. The bleeding stopped pretty quick but we’ll still have to be careful until it has a chance to grow in. Change the bandages whenever they get slightly dirty or wet, make sure they don’t stick to the limbs…”

Leo must have caught sight of the disgusted look on Donnie’s face because he stopped.

“You asked,” Leo said with a shrug.

“No, skin?” Donnie asked. Leo nodded. “That is both disgusting yet scientifically intriguing.”

“Yeah, we can figure out why all that is later,” Leo said dismissively.

“How big are they?”

“Hard to say? They were still kinda condensed from the pressure they were under when I wrapped them,” Leo stated. “But, maybe an inch or two? They aren’t much bigger than a finger at the moment.”

“Fascinating,” Donnie said, eyeing the gauze wrapped around his torso for the first time. There was, in fact, for little bits wrapped so thoroughly in gauze that Donnie had no way of telling where the limbs actually began. Each had been immobilized by several bits of medical tape as if they were going to just up and leave if they hadn’t been taped down.

Donnie wondered briefly if he’d be able to move them already if not for Leo’s bandages. Further testing would be required.

“We thought taping them down would be safer over all,” Leo explained, “Just so you don’t accidentally catch them with your elbow or something. They’re probably going to be pretty fragile until they finish growing in, so you’re going to have to be careful.”

“But of course. I am the definition of careful,” Donnie stated. Leo snorted.

“Yeah, and I'm the definition of subtle.”

Donnie elbowed him in the arm, getting another chuckle in response.

“Regardless,” Donnie continued, shooting Leo a glare, “There is much I'll have to study and record. Growth rate, range of mobility, the rate in which i become accustomed to moving them-”

“All things you can work on later,” Leo interrupted, “after you’ve slept and not immediately upon waking up from surgery. Theoretically, you should wait until you’ve healed from said surgery but I doubt you will so I'm just not going to bother.”

Leo was making that face again, the guilty face that told Donnie he was thinking dumdum things again.

Right, that’s why Donnie wanted him over here. Curse science for being such a lovely distraction!

“Thank you,” Donnie said, trying his best to make it sound like he meant it. Because he did and he needed Leo to know that. So he stopped being dumb.

Leo started briefly, blinking wide eyed at Donnie.

“I am aware that doing this was…uncomfortable and upsetting for you,” Donnie continued slowly, picking his words carefully. He didn’t want there to be any miscommunications between then right now. Not about this. “I shouldn’t have asked you to do that. If i had been thinking more clearly I wouldn’t have.”

“I was fine-” leo tried to argue. But Donnie didn’t give him much of a chance to do so.

“No, you weren’t. I don’t need to be Dr. Feelings to know that,” Donnie said. “You hate percieving yourself as the cause of your pain, even if that is to help us. You can’t deny it. I still remember when we were six and you put antiseptic on a cut for the first time. You cried more than Mikey did, and Mikey was the one with the scrape.”

“I…” Leo hesitated, taking a breath before continuing. “I managed.”

“You shouldn’t have had to,” Donnie pointed out.

“We didn’t have much of a choice,” Leo whispered. “You were in so much pain…we didn’t have the time.”

“I know,” Donnie stated. “You shouldn’t have had to do it. But I’m…I’m glad you did. So, once again, thank you.”

“Stop thanking me for hurting you,” Leo muttered, eyes locked on his pillow again.

“I’m not thanking you for hurting me,” Donnie said with a sigh. “I’m thanking you for helping me. I’d still be in an immense amount of pain if you hadn’t. Instead i am not. So stop being dumb and accept my verbal gratitude. You may never hear it again.”

When Leo didn’t answer, Donnie spoke again. Time to bring out the big guns, apparently.

“Stop or i’m going to tell Mikey you’re blaming yourself for being a good medic again, and you’ll have to have a session with Dr. Feelings. And probably a referral to Dr. Delicate Touch.”

“April’s right, you’re definitely the evil twin,” Leo stated, glaring at Don, though the expression itself held no heat.

“If i’m evil now, imagine what will happen once i finally get my hands on uranium,” Donnie stated with a smirk. Leo smiled, his expression tired.

“Yeah, remind me never to let you put uranium on the birthday present list,” Leo stated.

“You never let me shine,” Donnie said dramatically, getting a playful shove for his efforts. Good. He was glad Leo was going to stop treating Donnie like a glass statue he could break apart by sneezing.

“Go to sleep, Dee.”

“Only if you do,” Donnie countered. “You need rest as much as i do at this moment.”

“Fine, but only because this is the first time i’ve gotten the chance to sleep on my own bed in like five days,” Leo said, shifting enough so he was laying more on his plastron than his side. “Even if i do have to share it with your sprawling but.”

“Excuse you. I am not the one that had to have guard rails on their bed until they were nine because they kept rolling out of bed during the night,” Donnie answered back.

“You did too.”

“I was on the top bunk, Leo. Father wouldn’t let me sleep on the top bunk unless there were railings,” Donnie stated. “You were on the bottom bunk and, thus, have no excuse.”

“My point still stands.”

“Look, I'm glad you’re both better,” April’s voice sounded from the spare mattress below them. “But i sware on pizza supreme that if you two don’t stop bickering, I will use the tranquilizer gun on the both of you.”

“Sorry April!” The twins chorused. April grumbled in the silence that followed.

It was quiet for a few minutes, Donnie starting to doze off when Leo spoke again.

“Thanks, Dee Dee,” Leo whispered. Donnie smiled, not bothering to open his eyes back up.

“Don’t worry bout it, Lilo,” Donnie mumbled back.

#daily writing #tmnt #rottmnt #family web au #*looks sideways*#if this looks 3x the length of normal?#you'd be right #apparently writing comfort twins was very comforting today #and i needed that #so a 1.5k writing session i had #on a plus note #i now have another chapter done #I'll post it next monday i think #(not tomorrow)#so i might be able to get another chapter done between then and now #and then i'll have a ✨✨backlog✨✨

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lovebugmusings · 2 years ago

Note

idk if this has been talked about but ethan losing his virginity to you as chad guides him through it?

you and chad were a thing and ethan found out, being inexperienced, he found it incredibly attractive. he didn't have the confidence to ask to join you guys but if chad could read his body language? yeahhh you bet your ass ethan would want you to take his v card.

(poor grammar because this was typed int he tumblr post editor lmao. also the formatting is ass i apologise. oh and i don't actually get to smut because my brain won't let me write out what i want, so if you guys do want the smut, let me knowwwwww)

both you and chad found ethan attractive, it was something you had spoken about while drunk and curled up on his lap. at the time, chad was a little nervous to admit his attraction toward ethan, worried about how you would react, but you smiled a dopey little smile then leaned up to kiss his jaw

"i like him too" from then, you both spoke about ethan often, wondering if he would be interested in being with one of you or, in best case scenario, both of you.

the opportunity came one day when you were sitting on chad's lap on his bed. your back was to his chest, trying to work on some notes while chad peppered your neck and shoulders from behind. ethan swung the door open - it was his dorm, he didn't need to knock - and tossed his bag onto his bed, pausing a moment to look over at you and chad.

it wasn't the first time that he'd entered the room to find you and chad making out or in other ways being affectionate and sappy. but since the drunken conversation weeks prior between the pair of you, you had been keeping a closer eye on ethan, watching his body language more carefully for a sign, a hint, something

you turned your head to meet chad's eye before gently closing your notebooks and moving them off to the side

"come 'ere, eth" ethan was very unsure, swaying for a moment on his feet before taking tentative steps to chad's bed

you pat the mattress in front of you, and ethan slid on, one foot tucked under himself.

"so, you're a virgin yeah?" his cheeks and ears flushed a deep red, doing everything he could do not look at you, but he nodded shyly. "do you want me to take it?" ethan made a noise that could only be described as spluttering as his brain tried to catch up with what you said

"take uh... take what?" you could all but feel chad roll his eyes from behind you, but you smacked his arm that was around your waist, scolding him silently

"your virginity, eth. do you want me to take it?" you watched as ethan's eyes flicked from you to chad behind you, trying to see if this was a joke

"what?" ethan's cheeks never lost their tint and his eyes kept flicking back and forth

behind you, you felt chad chuckle before he rested his chin on your shoulder

"you heard her. do you want her to take your virginity?" chad quickly paused to kiss your neck "i mean look at her, she's gorgeous. you can't tell me you haven't thought about it"

"i- no i- i haven't"

"don't lie man. it's okay. i wouldn't blame you." once again, ethan avoided your eyes and nodded, embarrassed "lemme help" ethan's eyes shot up, wide

"what?"

you smiled at him softly, reaching a hand out to take his.

"we both like you, so we're offering for me to take your virginity, and chad can talk you through how to do it."

"wait, okay, stop. hang on a second." ethan waved his hands in front of him, shaking his head for a moment. "are you guys serious? you're offering to... have sex with me? because you both... like me? okay wait."

you gave his hand a gentle squeeze, "it's okay, take your time to think."

ethan stood, making his way over to his bed where he sits down heavily, staring at his hands wide-eyed as he tried to process the information given to him so quickly and nonchalantly

"should we have waited?" chad's voice was soft in your ear

"he'll be okay, sweet boy just needs a moment to think" you whispered back, not wanting your voices to disturb ethan's thoughts.

"yes" ethan's suddenly resolute voice breaks the silence, and both you and chad stop looking at each other to quickly look at him on the opposite side of the dorm. "yes, okay. let's do this"

#˚:✧｡• chad/ethan/you #chatter box ~✧#anon chatter ~✧

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rens-denn · 1 month ago

Text

As the resident anger holder (or atleast his blog if anything) the first one I might try (though I'd need paper for), the third one I'm pretty sure I've done, and punching a pillow just feels kinda weird :/ Have punched our mattress though even if that also felt weird, just LESS weird bc it's bigger and more solid

Can't do the second one because apartment, can't do wii boxing because we don't have access to a fucking wii anymore -,_-, Drawing on us would be risky when I'm pissed off bc I might hurt us by accident if I'm not careful with what we draw with, and tensing-untensing is something fairly familiar as a coping skill/mechanism, but that alone still feels weird.

Will say though for the muscles one, pretty sure we've used it to help avoid/get out of panic attacks. But the issue is we hold our breath (which we were told would be bad or make us pass out as a kid but it never happened and it always helped us). Holding our breath, hugging ourself tightly in a curled up ball, then just letting it all out when we can't hold it anymore and going limp (or sluggish, rlly).

If its unsafe, don't be like us :/ Dont hold your breath if you'll pass out. For us it just works as a more... extreme? Version of controlling your breathing to calm down, which is fairly effective, atleast for us.

BRO I dunno why I'm talking about shit we do during panic attacks. I mean I guess it's still helpful because too much frustration leads to panic attacks and/or breakdowns. Too often it happens where I'm out and another part gets hurt from pent up frustrations I hold. If they don't leave we end up crashing hard and breaking down (^^;) :/

Anyways yeah expressing anger is hard for so many reasons and it may still be hard and you'll get judged for it, but fuck that shit >:/ Do what you need to to express it because bottling that shit up is NOT good for you or anyone around you.

Pt: As the resident anger holder (or atleast his blog if anything)

Idk if I'm doing that right but uh yk. In case reading strikes out text is hard. 👍

Shoutout to systems who struggle to let out their anger, for whatever reason.

Maybe you struggle to let it out safely; maybe you struggle to let it out in a productive way; maybe you struggle to let it out at all.

Those feelings matter, just like every other feeling, and they need to be processed and let out.

Let yourself be angry. You have permission, if you need it. You can even be angry with me, if that’s what you need.

———

Tips for those who may benefit from them, here’s some of the ways I’ve learned to let out angry reactions physically to get the moment to pass:

Ripping up paper

Screaming

Singing loudly

Wii Sports Boxing

Drawing on myself

Punching a pillow

Tensing and untensing my muscles, one by one

These were the best methods I found. For those who are like me and don’t get as much release from venting, these might be good ways to express your anger.

#I'm not even sure I'm fronting :/ like I'm not even sure I'm Ren #I; however; do not care and will post here anyways >:3 <- proof #renden.rblg #renden.txt #GODDAMNIT TUMBLR CLOSED OUT AND NOW NONE OF THIS IS ATTACHED AS A REBLOG #ffs.#Whatever #I'll reblog it after this and link to the post in this one #why does it still say reblog- ykw I'll just see what happens and act accordingly :/

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algesalges · 3 years ago

Text

Vers moi: Part 1

Warnings: Small Fluff, very long story I trailed off a bit there sorry

Summary: Continuing the Introduction, I am trailing a bit but there will be spicier parts I'm just building the story (pls be patient with me) :') Oh yeah maybe spelling mistakes uh tell me if there are any, ENJOY

Intro, Part 1,

Brim assigned you to interview all the agents of the protocol, it was your duty to give out and receive satisfaction reports from each agent. It was supposed to make sure everyone got along and were satisfied with their environment. There were only a few complaints, mainly how Yoru and Jett keep gambling between each other and according to Sage can get a bit of a hand. Couldn't help but to snicker at the childish antics your coworkers do in their spare time

Almost thinking you were done with your job, you heard the door open. To your surprise the new agent walked in. Not expecting him at all, he was new and there was not much to report on that. But it seems he has insisted.

"Anything we can improve, is your room to your liking"?

"Oui, but I did have to alter the room to my liking, and I think it is quite lonely that the other agents don't seem to enjoy my company".

It does make sense Brim did not like the idea of his presence in the protocol either, maybe he intimidated the other agents with his well-mannered personality.

"I think they just need some time".

Chamber nodded at the remark, "you should maybe come visit me, you seem to tolerate me enough, why don't we spend a morning together"?

It took a bit to process what'd he had said, was it too much of him to ask, he probably does seem a bit isolated what harm could it do?

"I am not sure if that would be very professional".

"Mademoiselle do not pretend I do not see you sauntering with the other agents".

Your head lowered a bit. He was not wrong, that is something you tend to do, but the protocol felt more familiar and him a bit stranger.

"Je vois, I am a bit intimidating to you, it is your choice madam, but I always make a divine breakfast, better than that 'sludg-".

"okokokokok fine, no need to degrade my oatmeal. Only if you insist, I wake up about 9 am would you be able to wait for me"?

He backed into his chair, in a spread position and had that dumb smirk on his face.

He stood from the chair, then, unexpectedly he lifted your chin with two fingers so you'd make eye contact with him.

"I look forward to this ma chère".

He left the room with no words left in your mouth, face was red as a tomato, never been so caught off guard. He's probably just a flirt, you never engaged in a serious relationship, mainly focused on work and yourself. What if Brim was right and he was using you for his own antics.

There was only one way to find out.

The cafeteria was not like what would come to mind, it was more like a large kitchen with a large dining room. Almost like a restaurant the cafeteria was mainly used to cook then agents would proceed to eat in their own room, especially during mornings. The only time the kitchen was crowded by agents was when it was time for super or holidays, which you usually like to participate in.

9 am was a bit early for you, on days off it was like you'd be in hibernation. You would not come out of the room. The comfort of the warmth of the sheets and softness of the mattress was too heartbreaking to leave. Struggling to unwrap yourself in the curled up sheets, decided to stay in your night gown (nothing provocative it's more like a plain flowy long dress idk insert imagination). The kitchen was playing class piano music and you see the well-dressed man in no pajamas. It was a bit embarrassing to still be in your night clothes but getting up was a struggle.

"ah you've finally come to join me".

" I did say nine AM".

"Yes but that is rather late".

You scoffed at that, wait till he sees what happens on your days off. The kitchen was fragrant with a pastry smell and fruits. You see Chamber flip crepes and cut strawberries, he even whipped his own whip cream.

"still in your pajamas are we"?

"hard time getting up".

He smiled at that response. He offered you a plate, with a crepe perfectly folded with a row of cut up strawberries and a dollop of whip cream. It made you drool at the sight of it, Chamber seemed to be praised for it, he loves showing off his skills.

"wow you're really good at this huh".

Chamber loved the sight of you enjoying his cooking, he felt so satisfied,

"I've always had a passion for delicious food, tell me what do you do during your mornings"?

You laughed a bit before answering. Like explained before you slept, but other than that you liked to go on walks outside the agency with Sova (woods man). That, or converse with the other agents. While travelling with the agents to mission areas you'd have to stay in the location for a while, you'd always took advantage of the trips and enjoy the luxuries of the new locations.

While telling all this to Chamber you became thirsty and decided to go reach for a glass of water. But you were just a tad bit short and could not reach the glass in the cupboard. You felt a warmth behind you and an arm reaching around the top of your head. You felt Chamber's breath tickle your ear. You jumped a bit when he got a bit closer to your body and then he gave you the glass.

"t-thank you, though I could've gotten a stool".

"Do not worry ma belle, I always love being at your service".

You completely ignored his 'politeness' and filled the glass with orange juice. You and Chamber finished your breakfasts and you went back to your room with the excuse you felt like you needed a shower. Chamber frowned that you had to leave, you felt guilty leaving him but the shower was mandatory.

You helped clean the kitchen before leaving Chamber and greeted some other agents who were getting some breakfast as well. Killjoy looked like she did one of her coding Marathons again and Raze had to help her get out of bed to get her breakfast. Phoenix, of course, is chirpy and enthusiastic.

"Hey girl, see you had some company back there with glasses".

"Yeah you guys seem to make this guy feel lonely, I'm the only one keeping him proper company so far".

"He's too pretty to mess with," Phoenix snide.

" Really Phoenix is just mad that Chamber bested him in an aim practice" Killjoy added with a giggle.

Raze agreed, he was a bit too preppy for her personally, but encouraged you to get to know him better, maybe warm him up to the team. He did seem like he was not close to the others and he is technically your responsibility to keep satisfied, since it was your job to attend to the agent's needs and report back to Brim.

You headed to your room to focus on getting yourself all freshened up. Yesterday Brim mentioned the possibility of going on another travel mission to Italy, which you were a bit excited for (not excited for Italy to be attacked by rogue radianites but whatever). The shower was a cleansing area and puts your mind at peace. You scrubbed away all the dead skin and washed your hair with perfumed shampoo and conditioner.

Walking out the shower you find on your bed with laid out clothes, a note was left by the outfit (like comfty airport soft dress, idk im a dress gorl)

“I’ll see you on the flight <3”.

You first assumed omg Chamber, but in reality it was probably Jett. This made it clear that most agents were going to be leaving for Italy for the new upcoming mission. After getting dressed and gathering your tablet and papers it was off to the Jet. As presumed Jett was sitting there with a snack and Yoru sitting across from her, he has his typical grumpy face.

“Hey y/n, sit here”!

Of course you did, you thanked Jett for that cute note then asked her how she managed to sneak into your room. Jett only replied “I have my ways”, then gave you a small laugh. After everyone got on, you noticed how you didn’t seem to see Chamber, it was quite odd, maybe you just missed him?

“Whatcha thinkin bout”, Jett nudged your elbow seeing that you were spaced out.

“The new agent, Chamber.. Isn't he coming with us? I mean he is a new agent, why isn’t he on his first mission with us”?

“Dang y/n already have a crush do ya? Saw you two munching on each other's faces while getting my cereal”, Jett starts making fun of you while you are trying to defend your honor (in the nicest way possible) and Yoru scoffs at you.

“Hey! What’s wrong blue boy got the grumps, didn’t get enough beauty sleep”?

Then proceed to Yoru and Jett bantering between each other.

The plane ride was going to take a couple more hours until landing, meaning there is time to blow. Quickly you got bored of the small banter between Yoru and Jett and decided to go to the back to see who else was there (def not gonna see where the french man went).

You see Phoenix, Raze and Killjoy sitting next to each other, you greet them and look ahead of their seats. There You see Sova and Chamber not sitting too far from each other. Chamber looked invested in whatever was on his phone and Sova reading from a book. You quickly turned away and went back to your seat after having small conversations with the gang.

Landing in Italy, the sun was still out and everyone was ready to head to the House they will be reserving at. The villa was very beautiful and you had your own room, quickly everyone became comfortable. Brim sent out a message that they should scout the area first before the ambush, to which only a few agents were needed. You were left on your own to finish calculating expenses and finally go search around the villa. And locked eyes with a specific someone. Preparing to walk in another direction, Chamber was walking towards you. Oh SNAP.

“Enjoyed the flight”? Chamber took your hand into his and gave it a quick peck. You pulled it a away a bit flushed.

“Listen you! You cannot-t do that”!

“Why not”?

“Because I am, uh, YOur CO-WoRker”. You blurted with a red face.

“Ma belle that’s just how I greet beautiful women”.

“Ah yes I’m sure you’ve met many”.

He frowned at that comeback, but changed expression quickly. He invites you to walk around on the boardwalk with him. There was no real excuse to say no, and Chamber will probably keep asking until you said yes anyways.

The Sun was setting, it was a beautiful site. “Chamber”.

“Hm”?

“Why are you here”?

“Because Brim asked me for a certain assistance”.

“Then why are you still here”?

“Because you keep agents in nice company”.

‘I do my job not only just to keep company, what do you want”?

“I wish there was a simpler way to say”

You stopped in your tracks, and turned to Chamber face to face with him. You’re annoyed with his mischief. What is up with this guy?

“Just say what you want and I can see if I can arrange something”.

There was a quiet pause.

“Well I want you~”

#Chamber x reader #Valorant x reader #Chamber x y/n #Valorant x y/n #Chamber

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smellslikemultifandomimagines · 3 years ago

Note

Jason is ruining me this season because despite all the bad shit he’s done I just want to hug him & let him know he is wanted 😫

Okay but like what if Crane actually just left Jason at Snowy Cones tied to the chair and the Titans get him back or something like that somehow they get him away from Crane & back and there’s a fight about what to do with him (mainly Gar & reader fighting to like at least get him clean before doing anything else) and idk just something soft with Jason detoxing and reader helping him and showing him people do care about him 🥺

THIS 😭

➣ pairing: jason todd x gn!reader

➣ fluff / angst

➣ word count: 1.2k

come join the titans sleepover!

Jason looked horrible.

You hadn't seen him since he left San Francisco with Rose, and though that was months ago, you hadn't stop thinking about him. You were mad, to say the least, but all of that was pushed aside when you heard the devastating news about him, one that almost broke you.

Redhood was the worst thing to become of Jason. You felt helpless and so aggravated that he was doing such things, but at the same time, you knew it was not his fault. It was Crane's, and everyone knew it too.

Tonight's mission was to take down Crane and 'Redhood's' mission to distribute the anti-fear drug, putting all your energy into fighting the guards. Perhaps it was your anger towards Jason that got you through. He had become the person that he solemnly swore he'd never become. But here he is.

But as your nearly teary eyes gaze sullenly at his sunken face, which is wet with drool and god knows what else, you know the right thing to do.

"Jesus Christ," Gar mumbles as he stands beside you, looking at the mess of a boy Crane left behind.

"We need to get him out of here," you glance over at him. He nods in agreement, unable to peel his eyes away.

"Tell me what we need to do,"

"Guys, stop." Dick cautions, putting his hands on either of your shoulders. Gar and you look at each other before glancing back at Dick. "It could be a trap."

"We can't just leave him here!" You shriek in disbelief.

"We don't know what Crane has up his sleeve right now. The best thing for us to do is to leave him here."

"Absolutely fucking not," Gar grits his teeth, knuckles almost clenching in a fist. "He's coming with us."

Jason coughs himself awake, eyes rolling as he slips in and out of consciousness. You crouch beside him, taking his hand in yours.

"Jason, can you hear me?" You ask softly, ignoring Dick's sigh of discontentment from behind you. Jason groans, eyes slowly dragging up to meet yours.

"[y/n]," he slurs with a raspy voice. You gulp and pull yourself together, knowing that now is not the time to have a breakdown.

"Yes, darling, it's me. We're gonna get you out of here, okay?"

"Hey, buddy, you doing alright?" Gar kneels on the other side of him. You run out to the car, only to return with a wet cloth and further bickering from Gar and Dick.

"We're at least cleaning him up," you snarl at him before crouching beside Jason. In your head, you count to ten, trying to find anything to distract your eyes from pricking with tears. God, he really does look awful up close. You dab his chin, wiping off the drool that drips from the corner of his mouth.

"Uh, what is going here?" Kory asks with Conner and Blackfire behind her. She stops in her tracks when she notices you and Gar, tending to Jason with such care, a sense of fear runs over her.

"I'm trying to warn them, but they're not listening," Dick murmurs to her.

"Guys, no, stop it. We need to go," she tries and pulls you away from Jason.

"Get off of me!" You almost yell, swatting her away before putting the cloth down. You move behind him and help Gar untie the rope from around Jason's waist.

"Stop and think for a second!" Kory snaps. "He could be a weapon; you don't know that."

"Yeah, and you don't either," your voice slick with venom. You were so sick of everyone blaming Jason for everything when none of them even remotely believed that they had something to do with his meltdown. "We are getting him out of here. End of story."

"[y/n]…" Dick sighs, approaching you and Gar slowly.

"No, enough. I've had it with all of you giving up on Jason like he's some piece of disposable waste. What was your speech a year ago about not giving up on family? You really seem to live up to that, now, don't you," Gar snaps.

"I-"Dick sighs again. "I know, okay. But as I said before, we all know he's working under the guise of Crane. We don't know if Jason is just a ploy, okay? It's safer—"

"For who? You or Jason? Because from the way I see it, Jason is being manipulated. You said it yourself. The best thing we can do is save him now before it's really too late," you sigh. "Now, can we please stop fighting and help him into the car, for fucks sake," you roll your eyes, having enough of this bickering. The sooner you all get out, the better.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Barbara helps you hook Jason up to an IV drip. He lays in his bed, so entirely out of it, you're not even sure if he's ever going to be okay again.

"Are you okay?" Babs consoles, knowing that this has certainly not easy for you. She knew you have been taking this the hardest out of everyone. Being one of Jason's closest friends, your time in Gotham has been spent grieving and wishing you were all in San Francisco and normal again.

Your lip trembled, eyes overflowing with tears that wet your cheeks. You practically collapse on the chair beside the bed, and Babs pulls you into her.

"I hate seeing him like this," you sob, arms stretching around her. She rubs your back, letting out gentle coos to help you calm down.

"You should go join the others," you smile weakly, pulling away and wiping your eyes.

"Are you sure? I can stay here if you need me to?"

"It's okay. Please, go enjoy tonight's successes."

She rubs your arm, apology laced in her touch before she makes her way to the kitchen, closing the door behind her. Your head drops onto the mattress beside his body. How could you have let this happen? Was this your fault too?

“[y/n]?” Jason coughs, and you swear you've never lifted your head faster.

"Hey," you smile weakly, taking his hand in yours. "How're you doing?"

"Oh, you know, pretty damn fucking great if you ask me," he scoffs. You don't mean to, but a minor chuckle releases from your throat.

"Here, you should probably have some water," you hand him a glass, and he looks at it with caution. "I haven't done anything to it if that's what you're concerned about."

He hums before gulping it all down.

"Jason," your lips trembles once again. "I'm so sorry."

Jason doesn't say anything. He rests back onto the pillow, staring up at the ceiling.

"Why're you doing this? Don't think I'm coming back to you guys because I'm not."

"Because I care."

"Do you?" He turns to look at you.

"You know," you chuckle, looking down at your fingers. "I had the biggest crush on you. Of course, I never had the guts to say anything; you were too special of a friend for me to ruin that."

"How do I know that you're not lying?"

"Because I'm the one who saved you back there. I wasn't going to leave you, I would never to that."

There is a moment of silence that surpasses you both; neither of you knew what to say. Was he to thank you or be mad at you?

"I should probably let you rest," you cough slightly before standing up.

"Wait," Jason takes your hand in his. "Stay. Please?"

═══════*.·:·.☽✧✦✧☾.·:·.*═══════

tag list: (click here to be apart of the tag list!)

@dylanobrienhehe //@jermaee //@boxofsteampunkplaces //@mollyknm //@greengarsstuff //@caswinchester2000 //@fandomfoodiedancer //@tsukyo //@kim23ivy //@cottonvioletsposts //@lildylsprayberryswhore //@msfandomfreak //@karleetakeenan //@theonewiththenerds //@i-love-scott-mccall //@elenapatricia99 //@zealouspursecowboydeputy //@hellraiser13-102407 //@ghostlygooppeanutwobbler //@theonewiththenerds //@sambucky8 //@thegirlyouworryabout // @littlemaladaptivedaydreamer

═══════*.·:·.☽✧✦✧☾.·:·.*═══════

#jason todd #jason todd imagine #jason todd x reader #titans!jason #titans!jason todd #titans sleepover

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duskholland · 4 years ago

Note

frat!tom inviting you to one of their ragers and all of his brothers trying to be a wingman for him bc they all know he’s had his eye on you the whole semester 😂 bc your friends would be like since when did you become friends with all these frat bros and you’re like idk what’s going on rn you’d be so confused lmao.

god this is such a cute idea...my heart. cw: alcohol + fluff.

finishing up some frat!tom blurbs !!

*:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧ *:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧ *:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧

The first time it happens, you find it funny. The second, you feel a little uncertain but laugh it off. But the third time you’re approached by one of the fratboys hosting the party and offered a round of the house’s finest drinks, you can’t deny your complete bemusement.

“Since when did you become friends with so many frat bros?” Your friend, Val, whispers, clinging to your arm as one of the men, a shorter lad called Harry, dishes out shots to you and all of your friends. You accept one with a smile before dropping your voice.

“I didn’t,” you mutter. “I don’t understand what’s going on right now.”

You’ve barely done your shot when there’s a presence beside you.

“Y/N! Pleased you could make it.” You turn to see Harrison there, the vice-president of the frat. He’s in a SnapBack and a black T-shirt, smirking widely. “Do you and your friends want to come and play beer pong with us?”

You exchange a glance with Val, who giggles.

“Why not,” you agree.

You’re swept over to the large patio with a few of your friends, and you barely have time to process what’s happening before Harrison is claiming you as his partner and pulling you around to his side of the table. Val stands at the other end, and you watch, confused, as she asks one of the fratboys to partner with her, only for him to agree, look across the table and see you, then immediately shake his head and announce,

“Wait— no, I can’t. Stay here. One second.”

He runs away and Val raises a brow, but before you can speak to her, Harrison is poking at your arm.

“So,” he says, smirking softly. “How are you finding the party, Y/N? Anyone catch your eye?”

You furrow your brows, crossing your arms over your chest as you eye him carefully. You’ve not spent much time with Harrison before. Yes, you’ve been to a few parties together and played some games of truth or dare, but you’ve not developed such a deep connection that would warrant such attention. You find it suspicious.

“It’s a good party,” you agree, “though, I don’t think you guys have ever hosted a bad one.”

Harrison nods, pride reflecting in his eyes. “Well, thanks.” He digs his hands into his pockets. “It’s all Tom. He does all the planning and organising. He’s a great guy.” Harrison nudges you gently. “A really great guy.”

You start to wonder if the reason for your sudden catapult to centre of attention is more straightforward than you’d first thought.

“—Ahh, there he is, actually. What good timing.”

You look across the table, your breath hitching as your eyes fall upon the figure of Tom Holland, president of the frat, and your study partner from english lit. He looks good, wrapped up in a blue flannel and a black t-shirt, with a dark cap resting on his curls. His eyes seek yours out immediately and you raise a hand in greeting, feeling your lips twitch into a soft smile as he walks towards you.

“Y/N, darling!” Tom exclaims, greeting you with a hand on your hip and his lips on your cheek. “You look stunning tonight.” His fingers linger on your waist for a moment before he steps away, and his proximity grants you a deep whiff of his cologne.

“Thank you,” you reply, smiling shyly. “You look good too.”

“Thanks, love.” The tips of his teeth flint white as Tom beams at you. “I wasn’t sure if you’d come tonight. I’m glad you did.”

You tilt your head to the side. “Of course I would,” you say. You’d been overjoyed when he’d extended the invite to you, personally, and invited you and your friends to the biggest rager on campus. “I wanted to see you.”

It’s unclear if he’s blushing, or simply too warm, but you watch as Tom scratches the back of his neck and smiles almost shyly.

“I’m glad.” He clears his throat and his eyes flutter across the table, to where Harrison’s drifted around to stand beside Val. He nudges your arm, his elbow gentle. “Are you ready to win this?”

“Oh hell yeah. I was born ready.”

“That’s my girl.”

You feel your lips pull up, and try not to let him see the thrill that curls down your spine as you hear him speaking so affectionately to you.

The game goes by slowly, and you find yourself wondering how Harrison, usually so irritatingly good at beer pong, misses even the easiest of shots. If you didn’t know any better, you might be tempted to think he was trying to throw the game, yet Tom keeps you too busy to extensively ponder this thought. When you’re not on the receiving end of his smooth praises, you’re both listening to some of the fratbros who linger near, passing off compliment after compliment in Tom’s direction. They hype up almost every part of his person, pointing out, eagerly, and despite Tom’s obvious embarrassment, how good his grades have been, how he’s been learning to cook, how he’s a beast in the gym… Any positive to Tom that could be praised, is, and it leaves you smiling.

Much to your amusement, you end up winning the game. Once you’re suitably buzzed, you wave bye to Val and follow Tom back inside, his hand clinging to yours. You watch, amused, as the crowd seems to part for you, multiple pairs of eyes following you and the way your fingers are linked with Tom’s. Whispers follow you, and you find yourself clinging closer to him, curling your arm around his as you shy into his side.

Tom takes you upstairs. He’d pulled you from the patio whispering about a book he’d borrowed from you a month ago and needed to return, but you know that his intentions go beyond the return of a simple favour.

“This is a nice room,” you say. It’s large, and on the top floor of the frat. It’s also the room that comes without a suite mate, courtesy of Tom’s status as president. There’s a large window set into the wall, a nice double bed, and even an en-suite.

You feel his hand briefly touch you back as Tom moves past you and walks over to his desk. You watch him rummage through a pile of papers and pens, his watch glinting.

“Thank you,” he responds, looking back over his shoulder at you. His thin lips quirk into a smile as he inclines his head towards his bed. “You can sit down if you want.”

You hum as you walk towards the bed, perching on the edge of the mattress with your legs crossed. After a few moments more, Tom releases a noise of triumph and holds up the borrowed book.

“Here you go,” he says, walking over to you. He passes you the book, and you promptly put it down beside you. “Thank you for letting me borrow it.”

“Of course,” you respond. You meet his eyes, getting momentarily lost in his caramel depths. “Hey, could I ask you a question?”

Tom nods, crossing his hands behind his back as he looks at you curiously. “Anything.”

You bite your lip before extending your hand towards him. When he takes it and easily loops your fingers together, you smile.

“Did you have all your frat brothers wingman you tonight?”

Tom hesitates, a hint of embarrassment curling over his face.

“You, uh, noticed that?” He asks, scratching at his neck.

You nod, smirking. “If the never ending supply of shots and compliments weren’t indication enough, Harrison also threw the game so we would win.”

Tom curses softly. “He’s such a twat,” he mutters. “But uh… Yeah, I guess. I just wanted you to have a good time tonight, Y/N. Some of them just took it a bit too far. I’m sorry if they made you feel uncomfortable.”

“They didn’t. I thought it was cute.” You hesitate, your eyes shifting over his face. “I think you’re cute.”

Tom shifts on his feet, seeming to stretch a little straighter as he smirks.

“And I think you’re absolutely gorgeous.” Using the hand intertwined with yours, Tom very gently helps you to your feet. His fingers slip down to your waist, where they rest, touch firm and warm. You like the feeling of being so close to him.

“So… What are you going to do about that?”

You bite your lip as his breath hitches, and then you let him pull you closer. His voice is lower, huskier, and it comes out lightly as his warm breath fans out across your face.

“I’m gonna kiss you,” he declares.

You give him the slightest nod before looping your arms around his neck, and then very slowly, and easily, Tom presses his lips to yours. It’s soft at first—carrying more care than you would’ve expected—but your eyes flutter shut as you enjoy the moment. It builds quickly, spiralling from a tender union of mouths to an intensely hot kiss, burning bright with passion as you feel him nibbling your lower lip. You part your lips, and your fingers dig into his curls as your tongues dance together, the kiss growing hotter and heavier as you curl in closer.

When you break away after a few moments of passionate kissing, you’re breathless but happy. You rest your palms on the flat of his shoulders and sigh contentedly, lips stinging softly.

“Next time you want to get closer to me, you can just ask me, y’know,” you tease. “I quite like spending time with you, Tom.”

His lips brush your cheek, and you feel him squeeze your waist.

“Noted, love.” He pauses for a moment, smirk biting at his lips. “Care to spend some time with me now, darling?”

You wrap your fingers around the top of his shirt and pull him closer, letting your lips brush over his as you smile.

“I think I’d like that very much.”

#this makes me soft :')#tom holland x reader #tom holland #tom holland x reader fluff #tom holland blurbs #frat!tomfic #myblurbs #tomblurbs #tom.sfw #queue!#thinking abt my emotional support fratboy :')

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writingtoforgetreality · 4 years ago

Text

Faking To Pretend (Steve Rogers x Reader)

Request: cathy cathy cathy here i am with another request *sigh* i cant help myself your writing is just too good

i was wondering if i might request a steve rogers x reader fic where maybe reader and steve are paired up for a mission and have to pretend to be married (undercover) and some thing happen to kind of force them to admit their feelings for each other (maybe one of them gets injured? or kidnapped idk you do what you want to 😂) anyways LOVE YOU SO MUCH ❤️❤️ (by @msmarvelsmain), [Marvel-Masterlist]

Summary: Fake engagements, wedding plans & an undercover mission that jeopardized your well-being in the blink of an eye. Throughout it all, you somehow had to hide the fact that your feelings for Steve were just friendly, nothing more.

Words: 8,610

Warnings: language, angst, fluff, humor, argument, brief mentions of drugs, undercover mission (engagement & wedding plans), female pronouns used, that's pretty much it

[Mimi…this happens when our ideas get mixed up. LOVE YOU TOO!]

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

The familiar sound of a notification emanated from your phone. You deposited the book you had been immersed in onto the mattress & replaced it with the device. It confused you for a second when you noticed Tony being the one to message you. After all, you were literally in the same building.

Stark: meeting in 5.

(Y/N): you do know that you could tell me in person, right? just knock or something.

Stark: you’re too far away.

(Y/N): two doors, stark. TWO!

Stark: meeting in 4.

(Y/N): i hate you.

A loud sigh escaped through your lips. Typical Tony. Two could play that game. You planned on arriving right in time, not earlier. Maybe a few seconds too late. Anything to mess with him. At least he could get a taste of his own medicine that way.

“You’re a minute late.” Tony commented when he watched you walk inside the room. Your arms crossed over your chest as you leaned your shoulder against the door frame.

“You’re lucky I came in the first place.” you remarked. “Besides, I’m the first one here. Mission alone?” you questioned, raising your eyebrows while expectantly waiting for his answer. It was not usual for you to go alone. Except if the mission concerned grabbing pizza from the place down the block. You hoped for him that he did not pull that card, though.

“No but I wanted to discuss it with you before the others- oh, never mind.” Tony stopped talking when three more figures entered the room, brushing past your frame without paying too much attention to you. Sam. Bucky. Steve. What a damn combination. That was your team? Well, good luck. Everyone got seated on the chairs circling the big table but you stood your ground in the doorway. Steve patted the free chair next to his side, eyes flickering up to yours. A silent invitation you politely declined by shaking your head but you made sure that he could detect your small smile. Tony did not seem to mind & went straight ahead into explaining the mission you four had to perform. Most of the time, you zoned off though you really did try your hardest to stay focused. But when you glanced between the men in the room, you already knew the chaos that would come with them.

Basically, the team came across a signal emitting from the back of a small shop. From what you knew so far, it was some sort of a database that saved a whole lot of criminals. Some of them who you had fought in the past & some of them who you had never heard of but they sounded incredibly dangerous nevertheless.

“Question.” one of your hands raised & you waited for them to look at you.

“Go for it.” Tony pointed over to you, letting out a low breath because you were behaving as if you were in class & needed permission before speaking up.

“Why do Steve & I have to be the ones engaged?” normally, you would not care about undercover missions. But when said mission had you teamed up & fake-engaged to Steve? Well, you had a hard time separating work from personal feelings. Not that anything was going on between you guys but you would not lie if you said that you wanted to change it.

“What, do you want Sam & Bucky to be the couple in question?” Stark, in return, asked another question & you rolled your eyes.

“No, of course not.” that earned you disagreements from both, Sam & Bucky. Steve simply sat by, chuckling quietly while observing your conversation quietly.

“And Steve & you are close. It’ll be easier for you guys to pretend.” Tony casually stated & you had to fight the urge to avert your gaze. If you did, they sure as hell would realize something being wrong with you. And you were not about to be embarrassed in front of them. Maybe you already were but at least they did not know about it. After all, you were a fucking great actor.

“Uh-huh.” so you played it cool. As cool as the situation allowed you to be. “But why do we need Laurel & Hardy with us then?”

“Because I said so.” Tony used your most hated phrase & he damn well knew it. After a short pause, he turned a bit more serious again. “They’ll be Steve’s best men.”

“Wait.” your hand raised & you closed your eyes for a second. “Steve has two best men & I’m not allowed a maid of honor?” now everyone inside the meeting room was chuckling. Everyone but you.

“Pretty much, yeah.” Stark shrugged, brushing it off as nothing though he was aware that you were annoyed by his plan already.

“How is that fair?” you could not stop asking questions, somehow hoping that if you continued, you could get out of this successfully. Deep down, it was clear that the mission had been planned & you could not do anything to change it. Not even a single thing.

“It isn’t.” Tony admitted with a brief nod of his head. “But you’ll need Sam & Bucky on this one. So stop bitching around.”

“These are gonna be some long ass days…” you mumbled, putting your face in your hands in frustration.

“Enjoy!” & with that, Tony dismissed you, leaving you behind dumbfounded.

Sam & Bucky exited the room soon after. Steve & you were the only ones left.

“(Y/N)?” Steve’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts. Immediately, the frown was replaced by a genuine grin. You found yourself in this state whenever he looked at you like that. Whenever he talked to you, actually. “Everything okay?” his eyes showed concern. They usually did when he noticed you zoning off.

“Huh?” you asked before the words had processed. “Oh, yeah. Of course.”

“I’m sorry about.” his hands gestured wildly, searching for the most suitable words. “The mission being uncomfortable for you.”

“No, it’s not uncomfortable.” you tried to explain yourself. “Just, sometimes I feel like Stark just wants to mess with me.”

“Well, if it helps cheering you up…I’ll behave.” he winked at you playfully & you hated how your body reacted to such simple movements.

“I’m sure you will.” you snickered. “My true worries are your best men.” a sly smirk spread onto your face & Steve could not hold back a chuckle.

“Yeah, I can’t control them.” he agreed with you. “I’ll see you around.” he walked past you, turning around one last time. You simply nodded at him, not trusting your own voice. While you handled the situation as best as you could, you wanted to avoid an awkward goodbye. Besides, you would set out first thing in the morning. You needed some alone time before shit started going down. Not that you expected this mission to fail. The exact opposite, actually. The four of you worked incredibly well together. Compensating other’s mistakes & improvising fast if needed. Mostly, though, you ended up straying from the actual plan & that was what had you worried. Because if you did not stick to it, things could turn real uncomfortable real quick.

As if the mission itself was not demanding enough, the car ride to even arrive at your destination was ten times worse. Steve was behind the wheel & you were lucky that you occupied the passenger’s seat & did not have to sit in the back with either Sam or Bucky. They were children, really. Right now, it felt like Steve & you were the parents of two incredibly challenging kids who could not shut their mouths. Not even for a second. Steve succeeded with ignoring them & he was concentrating on the road so that gave him another thing to do. You, on the other hand, were stuck without any distractions except for the bickering that was currently going on in the backseat. But you knew better than to interrupt them because if you did, it would only turn worse. So you took a few deep breaths & settled further into your seat, closing your eyes to maybe rest a bit before your arrival. What you did not notice was Steve glancing over to your figure, a smile playing at the corners of his lips as he recognized you attempting to sleep during the stress inside the car.

At least the hotel Tony checked you in was worth it. Fake-engagements had their perks. Especially if a luxurious suite was a part of it. Sam & Bucky were somewhere in another room but Steve & you, the two of you pretty much occupied an entire floor. That was how huge your room was. You did not even have to carry your own suitcases. There was an employee who helped you with that. What a nice way of living that was. If only you were not pretending. But why were you even thinking that way? You had a mission to perform & more importantly, you could not fail. And you would not if you solely focused on your task. It could not be that hard, right? You had done something similar multiple times before. It should be an easy one for you. But it was not. And the main reason was Steve. It was wrong of you to put the blame on him but how could you not if you literally had to pretend to be his fiancée? It felt like a secret wish you did not dare to voice. And yet he was here right in front of you, in the same room. A place you were supposed to share for the next few days. And you somehow had to play it cool. There was only one outcome. Burying your feelings deep down in order to not jeopardize the mission or your team. No matter how much your heart protested.

“(Y/N)?” you heard Steve’s voice as you were stepping out of the shower. Only a towel was covering your still wet body but you feared that, if you did not open the door right away, you were in danger somehow. That was your mind’s conclusion. Which really did not make any sense if you gave it a second thought. You opened the door a crack, risking a glance outside & eased when you only saw Steve on the other end. It was a natural reaction for you to push the door open wider. But you kind of forgot that you were not wearing any clothes except for that poor excuse of a hotel towel which was way too small for your liking. Steve’s eyes widened & he could not stop from letting them flicker up & down your body. You squirmed under his stare, arms coming to cross over your chest in order to keep the fabric in place. A few moments of awkward silence ticked by & you wanted it to end. So you coughed & gained his attention once more. His eyes were locking with yours & while you usually lost yourself in them, you were way more comfortable than having him eyeing your every part in great detail.

“You needed anything?” you stuttered out, hoping your voice did not sound all too weak but even to yourself, you were aware that you were failing.

“Um, yeah…” his cheeks turned rosy. One of his hands came up to scratch the back of his neck. “But I probably should’ve waited a couple minutes longer.” he should have but it was too late now anyway.

“If it’s nothing too important then I’ll go get dressed real quick, alright? I’ll take like two minutes.” you attempted an honest smile but it was underlined with a hint of embarrassment that was definitely detectable. Steve simply nodded, stepping back a bit so you could close the door once more. Your back rested against the wooden surface & you quietly sighed out with closed eyes. That was not what you expected. Fingers crossed nothing between you two would turn awkward from now on. But then again, he was your best friend & it was not like you were completely naked. Just barely dressed but covered enough so he did not see anything. You would be just fine.

With a decent outfit & regained confidence, you exited the bathroom & found Steve sitting at the edge of the bed, looking down at his hands where he shifted a small package between his fingers. His head snapped up when he heard your footsteps. You two exchanged a smile & it was then when you knew that your shamefaced encounter would not change the bond you shared. It was as if everything was the same old. And it was probably for the better.

“Was that why you needed something from me?” you gestured to the little box & Steve was brought back to reality. Right, there was a reason why he wanted to talk to you in the first place.

“Tony gave it to me right before we left.” he stood up & approached you with long steps. “Said it’d be more believable if you wore one.” Steve stretched out his hand so you could take the black package from him. With curious eyes & delicate fingers, you took it from him. Your eyebrows raised as your eyes met his but he only shrugged at you without giving you an actual explanation. Carefully, you uncapped the box & were shocked when you noticed the small, sparkling ring inside. The colors of the rainbow reflected in the diamond adorning the silver jewelry. It looked way too expensive for it to be a fake one.

“Tony wants me to wear an engagement ring?” you asked even though it was more than obvious. Maybe you just needed reassurance.

“Makes it more believable.” Steve repeated.

“It probably cost more than what I’ll earn in a lifetime.” you chuckled & closed the lid again.

“So you’re not gonna wear it?” he questioned cautiously. For a flicker, he turned insecure because maybe the reason why you refused to wear it was because you did not want people to believe he was your fiancé.

“Of course I’m gonna wear it! It’s stunning. Just…” you paused briefly & bit your bottom lip to contemplate your next words. “It’s expensive. I can’t risk losing it. I’ll put it on whenever we’re outta this room, though. I won’t be the one blowing our cover.” you assured & laughed because you were indirectly blaming Sam or Bucky to mess up. Steve silently agreed with you but did not say anything else as you situated the ring on the nightstand right next to the large bed. It was late, the moon already doing its job with providing a pleasant light that shone through the blinds & illuminated the gloomy suite. For tomorrow’s mission, you needed to be well-rested to fully function.

Steve insisted that you should occupy the bed on your own. He would be perfectly fine on the couch. The cushions of it were incredibly soft, Tony had paid a fortune after all, you still felt poorly for sleeping in the bed alone. Tomorrow would most likely bring him back pain. He was not the youngest soul, after all. Not that you would ever tell him. It was not meant as offending, though. If you were the one on the couch, your back would kill you as well. But you were too much of a coward to suggest that there was enough space for two people. That & you were scared that he did not even want to share in the first place. That could be an intelligible possibility. Your overthinking consumed quite a bit of time because when you heard Steve’s soft & even breaths, you knew that you were too late already. Maybe tomorrow? Maybe you could gain enough courage to ask him tomorrow. Why were you even so eager to have him beside you? What kind of question was that? You were very well aware why. The conversation you held with yourself in your mind came to an abrupt stop as exhaustion overcame & lulled you into a dreamless night.

Constant knocking stirred you awake. You groaned into your pillow because you were still tired but someone decided to shorten your rest. Assuming Steve was already up, you peeked over the blankets covering your body. You were right, he was opening the door. Appearing like he had not just got out of bed. Or off of the couch, in his case. Steve tried to be as quiet as possible, thinking that you were still passed out on the bed.

“G’morning.” you mumbled out & wiped your eyes with the back of your hands. Steve smiled at you. Right now, you looked cute. Pissed off because it was too early but that did not matter when you were all wrapped up in the blankets.

“Coffee?” he suggested & you immediately got into a sitting position at the mention of it. He had his answer then.

“Wait. What is this?” you gestured to the serving trolley Steve was pushing over to the bed. It was obvious what it was but you were bewildered because you did not expect him to order breakfast.

“Tony took our undercover mission very serious.” he shrugged, leaving the food next to you & wanting to grab a few things to eat by the table.

“No.” you shook your head & halted his movements. “I mean, come on. When was the last time you had breakfast in bed?” you patted the spot next to you. Steve paused for a second but after a short while of contemplation, he agreed & got seated on the mattress. Breakfast in bed. That itself would have been amazing but with Steve? It was almost as if a dream of yours got fulfilled. You needed to stop thinking that way. Undercover missions meant faking, pretending. Why were you struggling so much this time?

“I look like a bitch.” you commented once you got into your undercover outfit. Sam & Bucky were already in your suite & they complained about what a poor excuse their room was compared to yours.

“So what’s different?” Sam joked & earned a slap from you.

“First of all, if we don’t wear what Tony prepared for us, people will notice. And (Y/N)? You don’t look like a bitch, you’re good.” Steve commented & even though his words were not necessarily cute, they still did things to you.

“Woah, Steve. Nice ring you picked out there, pal.” Bucky spotted the diamond on your finger & could not help himself but tease you two about it.

“Could we all just focus on the mission?” funny thing that you were the one saying that. Considering that you probably struggled the most out of the four of you.

“Okay, got it. (Y/N) doesn’t look like a bitch but she acts like one.” Sam smirked & started sprinting through the suite when you took off to catch him. Steve & Bucky shook their heads & chuckled at your childish behavior. None of this was new, though. Things usually went that way when you were sent on a mission together.

“The signal comes from the back of this shop.” Steve whispered, all of you trying to stay undetected for the time being so you could discuss the plan further.

“It’s a pastry shop?” you pointed out & suddenly, three men were rolling their eyes at you. “What?”

“You expected something that sold knives?” Sam teased.

“Maybe, I don’t know.” you whisper-yelled.

“Sam, Bucky. You two enter the back while (Y/N) & I distract the guy.” Steve described your plan once more & you all nodded, each understanding their task. While you did not exactly know what you would do to grab the clerk’s attention, you were certain that you could think of something. Improvising was something you were skilled at, you simply hoped that Steve would not stand in the way.

“Welcome! What can I help y’all with?” the almost sweet voice of the man behind the counter was not what you would expect when you looked him up & down. At the same time, he really appeared out of place in a shop like that.

“Yes!” your enthusiasm, well fake-enthusiasm, was more than obvious & you wrapped your arms around Steve’s torso to get into character. “My fiancé & I are looking for some pies for our upcoming wedding.” Steve let you do the talking, his only response being a nod, underlined with a genuine smile.

“Ah, young love.” the guy clicked his tongue & shook his head slightly. “We have a variety of our best wedding cakes right here.” he pointed to a selection behind a class cabinet.

“No, no, no.” you contradicted. “We’d love to have pie at our wedding. I saw you have some delicious looking options over there.” you gestured to the other side of the shop.

“Pie at a wedding? Isn’t that a little unconventional?” the seller raised his eyebrows, seemingly suspicious & it looked like Steve noticed that as well.

“I think we’ll do fine with cak-“ but before he had the chance to finish, you nudged him with your elbow & shot him a look. “I’m sure your cake is great but pie reflects us better.” Steve corrected himself quickly once he realized what you were planning to do.

“Alrighty, then please follow me over there.” the place behind the counter was now free so Sam & Bucky had a clear path to enter. “Any preferences?”

“Anything, really.” you encouraged the man who opened the showcase. He was so busy with his task, Sam & Bucky had it easy to break in. The corners of your eyes spotted their figures. Now they just needed more time to successfully get the information you all needed.

“Can I ask y’all something?” the clerk spoke up after handing you yet another sample of pie. Truthfully, it was a dream come true. Spending time with Steve while eating pie after pie? If only you did not have to pretend. Did you pretend? Or did you fake to pretend? Your brain did not make sense anymore.

“Go for it.” Steve encouraged.

“You’re the first couple to ask for pie samples. What’s up with that?” the man asked curiously, no longer looking at you like you were suspicious but genuinely interested.

“Well.” Steve chuckled & you could not help but let your gaze flicker up to his face. “We are a very unusual couple. Pie at a wedding is unusual. It’s perfect.” while he spoke those last words, his eyes locked with yours & you could have sworn that time halted right then & there. But you had to snap out of it. For the sake of this mission. A look over the shop owner’s shoulder confirmed that you did not have to pretend too much longer. Sam & Bucky were already on their way out again, turning their heads in your direction to silently confirm that they were done. Successful? That you could not tell just yet.

A few minutes & another pie later, you looked at your watch on your wrist & gasped exaggeratingly.

“What is it, sweetheart?” Steve asked & you almost gasped again, though this time, it would have been for an entirely different reason.

“Um, it’s late, we need to head to the thing.” you were doing so well & now, at the end, you managed to slip.

“The thing?” Steve inquired & by the look on your face he could tell that you were overwhelmed & could not think of a proper excuse. “Oh, the fitting.” he quickly added, hoping nobody would ask which kind of fitting. Seemed like you two were lucky today.

“In that case…I’ll let y’all go. Do you want me to put the rest of the samples in a box for you to take home? That way you have more time to figure out which one to choose.” he reasoned & Steve & you nodded gratefully. Behind the counter, he worked quickly & handed you a paper bag in no time.

“Thanks, man. We’ll get back to you.” Steve waved, putting an arm over your shoulder as you exited the shop. The moment you were out, you could finally breathe again. Missions made you extremely nervous. Undercover missions such as this one, actually. During the others you were perfectly fine.

“Thanks for helping me out back in there.” you chuckled once you were out of sight.

“Pie? Really? Wouldn’t have surprised me if he just saw through us right away.” Steve said with a smile on his face. Good, so he was not mad at you.

“In my defense…The pies were at the other end of the shop so I helped Sam & Bucky.” you finished your sentence but it sounded as if you wanted to add something.

“And you love pie?” Steve did not even have to ask, he knew you well enough.

“And I love pie.” you repeated & laughed. Steve still had not let go of you, hugging you to the side of his body. You did not seem to mind so he kept continuing to hold you close.

Steve placed the paper bag on the small table right in the entrance area. Immediately, you went to the bathroom to rid yourself of that stupid outfit you had to wear & threw on something more comfortable. Once you exited, Sam was already in your suite. The four of you decided to have the meeting in your room because it was bigger & the others kind of wanted to move in with you.

“What’s in there?” Sam asked, pointing to the brown paper bag.

“Pie.” you simply answered without much thought. Sam hummed but did not say anything else. Steve & you were in the living room area, waiting for Bucky to show up so you could start discussing more about this mission. Specifically what they found out during their inspection. The creak of the door gained your attention & you looked up only to find Bucky entering. Your gaze then flickered to Sam who was hiding behind the door, pie in one hand, his free hand came to his mouth, telling you to be quiet. It all happened too fast, Bucky was in Sam’s sight & in an instant, there was a pie right in the super soldier’s face. Steve came right in time to watch the scene, his previous intention to greet his best friend completely forgotten now.

“Sam.” Bucky growled, way too quiet for your liking. But you could not focus on his warning right now. You glanced over your shoulder & noticed Steve’s almost sad expression. The only one who could not control his laughter was Sam. He was practically on the floor because he was laughing so hard. The only emotion running through you was anger.

“I. WANTED. TO. EAT. THAT.” you were seething & all three men turned their heads at your tone.

“Sorry?” Sam tried but you were having none of it.

“NO YOU’RE NOT!” you pretty much yelled.

“I’m gonna kill you.” Bucky whispered & Sam took that as his cue to run away, through that labyrinth of your suite. Bucky sprinted after him, leaving Steve to shake his head at their childish behavior.

“(Y/N)?” Steve’s voice was soft & yet it did nothing to calm you down. You really did love pie & you had been excited to eat the rest of it in bed tonight ever since you left that shop.

“WHAT?” you snapped back, only now realizing that it was not Steve’s fault. “I’m sorry.” you added almost inaudible.

“It’s fine.” he raised his eyebrows & opened his arms. You were not sure why but Steve wanted to hug you & you never declined one of his hugs. So you fell into his embrace, both of you silently knowing that this action was not because of a stupid pie. Though you had to admit that you were mad at Sam that you could not eat the rest anymore. This hug held a deeper meaning & for a few seconds, you let yourself enjoy it. Until a loud screech from the other room snapped you back into the present. Steve & you parted unwillingly. You had to, before Sam & Bucky ended up killing each other.

The four of you sat around the coffee table, you occupying the floor while the others each took a seat on the oversized couch. A pout was still very much present on your face. Yes, you were mad at Sam but you had other things, more important things, to deal with right now. Revenge could come later.

“So?” Steve was the one to speak up after nobody else made a move to do so.

“Sam & I managed to break in.” Bucky casually said as if you did not see that to begin with. That was the plan after all.

“But?” your tone was still harsh but you tried your hardest to push that aside.

“We couldn’t hack the system.” Sam finished. “That’s your specialty.”

“Okay, wait.” you closed your eyes briefly. “You wanna tell me that it took you what felt like an eternity to check out the back room only to sit here now & tell us that you couldn’t get the information?” you concluded with a loud sigh.

“In our defense…We know that we’re definitely looking at the right place.” Bucky commented, careful to not anger you any further.

“So what do you suggest?” Steve asked the two men.

“We’ll go there again tonight. All of us. (Y/N) here hacks the system & we’ll see what we can do after that.” Sam established the new plan & you nodded in understanding.

“I still hate you for wasting the pie on Bucky.” you crossed your arms over your chest.

“I promise I’ll make it up to you.” Sam chuckled though you knew he was not planning on keeping his promise.

“Alright, please go back to your room before I do something I might regret later.” you motioned for Sam & Bucky to leave & they did after arranging a time to meet again.

Since you had the brains in this group, it was an easy one for you to deactivate the security cameras without being seen. After that, you went on to the alarm system & turned it off as well. Which meant that you were free to go. It was the dead of the night, nobody was around. You could enter without a single soul watching you. Steve pushed his body weight against the back door. Once, twice. Until it opened.

“You do know that I could’ve picked the lock, right?” your voice made him spin around. It looked like he only now thought of that but he brushed it off, pretending that this was his plan & it worked out the way he wanted to. The room appeared rather normal. Nothing that caught your eye, nothing that was out of place. An office like you had seen multiple times. The computer was turned off so you changed that real quick, waiting for the screens to light up.

“Earlier today, it wasn’t protected by a password.” Sam furrowed his eyebrows.

“Yeah, dumbass. Because the computer was on already. Give me a second.” you opened various drawers to look for a sign as to what the password could possibly be. The others let you do your work, not daring to speak up to interrupt you. “There we go.” you found a small paper in between some notebooks. Not necessarily the safest place to keep secret things but you would not judge. The home screen showed up. Again, nothing special. Simply a picture of flowers. Weird for the guy who worked here but that was none of your concerns.

“And?” Steve broke the silence.

“There are some decrypted files…” you mumbled, sitting down on the office chair. This would take a bit longer, you assumed.

“Can you get access?” another question from Steve. At least the children were quiet for now.

“Of course I can.” you smiled triumphantly. “Give me a few minutes, though.” you were so focused on the screen, you did not see the others nodding. It was tough, you were not going to lie, but it was you who hacked into the system. You never failed with that.

“Huh.” you breathed out. Truthfully, you were overwhelmed with all the information you were receiving with one look only. Steve, Sam & Bucky each took a place behind you, staring at the screen curiously. “Guys? That’s…scary.” you chuckled uncomfortably.

“What is this?” Bucky mumbled quietly but since it was so silent in this room, everyone heard. This was way bigger than you initially thought. Once you made it back to your hotel, you needed to call Tony.

“(Y/N).” Steve shoved you away gently, taking the mouse in his hand to enlarge what caught his attention. You had to gulp at what you saw. What the hell were you doing on there? Steve’s muscles tensed, you could tell by one single look at him. It took a few deep breaths from your side until you started the process of transferring the information on your little flash drive. ”(Y/N).” Steve tried again, this time a bit louder.

“Yeah, I know.” you answered, ignoring your fast beating heart as much as it was possible. “I got everything, let’s head back.” it was clear that you wanted to leave this place behind & you were the first who made it out into the cool night air. Breathing worked easier out here.

“Hey, Tony.” by now, you were back in your hotel room, picking up your phone to call Tony once Steve went into the bathroom.

“(Y/N)! Successful?” he asked, already thinking that you finished this mission & started heading home.

“Not yet. Seems like this is bigger than we thought…” you trailed off at the end, not really wanting to explain what you found out.

“Bigger how? (Y/L/N), come on.” Tony urged & heard you sigh over the phone.

“It was at the back of the shop, that was correct. I hacked into the system & …it looks like it’s some sort of website where people can pay beforehand, assigning criminals for certain acts. It’s huge, Tony. Tons of people have an account & there are so many new assignments every minute…I’ll send you the data in a second, okay? We’ll check out the coordinates we found tomorrow. We think it could lead us to a very important member of this website. And maybe the guy from the shop has something to do with it, though I’m not sure which part he plays in all of that.” you left out a very significant detail & hoped he would not ask more questions.

“There’s something else.” he stated, knowing you better even though he could not read your body language like he usually did.

“That’s all. I promise we’ll finish this missi-“ your phone was taken from you but before you could complain about it, Steve continued the call with Tony.

“Someone instructed to eliminate (Y/N) because, & I quote, “She’s too pretty to be part of the Avengers”. That assignment was where we got the coordinates from. Means the guy from the shop probably manages all of that but he isn’t the one we’re looking for.” silence enveloped you two & you figured that Tony was talking on the other end. “Yeah, sure. That’s the top priority. We’ll work on that & you start looking into the website.” Steve ended the call & threw your phone on the mattress next to where you were sitting.

“What the hell, Steve?” you were furious because he acted differently. And not in a good way. The only response from him was a cold look. He then moved out to the balcony that was attached to your suite. It was unusual for him to be so distanced, especially when it came to you. And you were hesitant to follow him. Considering his body language, he was mad at you. Why? You had no idea. Did you do anything to piss him off? Your gaze fell to your hands in your lap. The diamond on your ring finger sparkled beautifully. You recalled how it felt to be next to Steve, in that small pastry shop where you ate pie after pie to pick the perfect one for your wedding. This was something that could never be. It was all pretending but why did it feel so real to you? Steve probably was not struggling as much as you were & you hated yourself for it.

A hand on his shoulder startled him. Steve eased when he found you standing next to him. The sun would begin rising soon but the both of you were not tired at all. Though the reasons were different. Steve’s mind was still occupied with the information that there was someone out there who paid an awful lot of money to have you eliminated. You, on the other hand, struggled with keeping your feelings buried. Your hands held onto the railing. The movement made Steve look down where the engagement ring was still adorning your hand. You had not taken it off yet. In fact, he only realized that now, you even wore it during your mission of breaking into the shop. Sam & Bucky did not comment on it & to Steve, it was almost…normal. But you did say you would not keep it on you unless you were outside, pretending to be engaged to him.

“What did I do?” your voice interrupted his racing thoughts.

“What?” Steve was confused that you believed you did something wrong.

“Ever since we got outta that shop, you’ve been distant & cold. Was it something I did?” you kept looking straight forward, not wanting to hold eye contact because you feared the worst. That you managed to mess up somehow & Steve was angry at you.

“You didn’t do anything.” his body faced yours & you could practically feel his eyes on you. His intense stare made your breath hitch up.

“You sure about that?” finally, you turned around. Your bodies were almost touching, you underestimated the distance between you two.

“You act as if you don’t care.” his statement had you furrow your eyebrows. He rolled his eyes but continued anyway. “Someone paid a huge amount of money. To have you killed. And here you are, pretending that it doesn’t matter. It’s something you’re really good at, huh? Pretending.”

“The hell is that supposed to mean?” your voice raised slightly but you still wanted to keep it down, you were outside, everyone could hear your conversation.

“See? You’re doing it again.” Steve called you out. “We found that piece of information by accident.”

“I’m aware.” you arms went to hug yourself. A distraction that barely did its job.

“So your life means nothing to you.” his words were harsh. And if you were honest, they hurt. A lot.

“I never said that.” you hated how your voice wavered. How you could not appear to be the strong woman right now.

“You act like it, though.” with each word he said, your heart broke a little more. If only he knew. “I understand. This whole pretending thing is something you’re good at. This mission showed that much. But this is real, (Y/N). So, for a second, stop pretending & act like you care!”

“STOP!” you yelled out of breath. Instinctively, Steve took a step back, eyes wide by your sudden outburst. “Just stop.” this time, you spoke it much softer. Your gaze flickered to the ground, head hanging low.

“I’m sorr-“ Steve was interrupted.

“I said stop.” you repeated. “Steve, we’re on a mission. We’re supposed to put a stop to this shit. None of this has anything to do with me pretending to be your fiancée or me pretending that I don’t give a damn about my life.”

“Are you sure about that?” he emphasized. One hand went to the diamond on your finger & slipped it off. You made a fist around it, though it was not with a lot of pressure. You did not intend to damage the ring.

“I might be good at pretending but I’m no professional.” you admitted. Steve grew more & more confused. He did not know you were talking about the fact that you were not pretending to be engaged to him. To you, it felt natural, it felt good. Right now, though, you did pretend that none of this faced you. But Steve could not tell the difference.

“Can I be honest with you?” he waited until your eyes met his.

“Go ahead.” you waved your hand for him to continue.

“I was cold towards you because once we found out about that, you didn’t say anything about it. And I can’t believe that you just don’t care about it. About your life. I can’t. You don’t have to pretend when you’re with me, you know that. We’re not engaged right now. No undercover mission. You & me. So please be honest with me.” he took your hands into his & you did not flinch back. The touch grounded you but it was no lie that you were having a hard time to be completely honest with him.

“Why do you care so much?” maybe not the smartest thing to ask. Steve’s reaction was proof enough. He let go of your hands, turned his back towards you & let out a breathless laugh. His hands raised to his hair, messing it up in the slightest. Seconds ticked by but it felt like hours until he spun around once more.

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!” it seemed like that confession made the both of you stop dead in your tracks. It was not the first time Steve said those words but his tone differed from the previous ones. Still, chances were high he addressed your friendship with that. Because you were friends. Simple friends. “Say something.” he grew desperate when you did not reply.

“I-I don’t know what you want me to say. That I love you, too? You know that, Steve.” your words were steady, calculated. It was too soon to get your hopes up.

“How far do I have to go for you to realize that I want you?” he approached you, hesitancy in his steps. “Didn’t it feel natural to you when we acted like a couple? Because, I can’t keep that up anymore, I can’t. Tell me you don’t feel the same & I’ll back off. We can forget this right now, we don’t have to talk about it anymore. But if you-“ his speech was cute but you had to be close to him now that he finally confessed that there was more between you two. You cupped his cheeks & pulled him in to kiss him. Steve was shocked at first but it did not take him too long until his hands rested on your waist, tightening his grip on you. After parting, Steve kept his forehead against yours. Both of you had your eyes closed, breathing the same air. You imagined this exact moment more than once. But never before had it played out like that. Not that you were complaining, your feelings were finally out there.

“You were wrong, you know?” as much as you enjoyed the silence, there was still something you wanted him to know.

“Wrong about what?” he opened his eyes to look at every feature of you. Because it was no longer forbidden, he was allowed to do that now.

“I didn’t pretend while we were in the shop pie tasting.” you admitted, a small smile playing at the corner of your lips. “I faked pretending, if that makes sense…But, after I saw the bounty on my head, I started pretending.” he nodded at you, squeezing your waist once to encourage you to keep talking. “Steve? I’m scared.”

“It’s okay.” Steve’s arms went around your shoulders, pulling you close once again. His chin on your head. If only that could dispose of all of your worries. The only thing he could do was letting you hold onto him.

Steve did not sleep on the couch that night. Not because he did not want to but because you insisted to have him close. It was not the first time you two shared a bed. Sometimes, when missions did not allow you anything else, you ended up next to each other. Tonight felt different, better. Because there was no longer a weight on your heart. Were you two in a relationship already? Maybe you had been for some time but the two of you were too oblivious to notice. There was enough time to label whatever this was as soon as this mission was over. Your focus should solely be on this mission. Tons of lives depended on it. Yours included.

“You’re stubborn. Do you know that?” the next morning came sooner than you would have liked. No time for cuddling in bed, no time for breakfast. Two hours of sleep was all you got. But you had never felt this rested in your entire life. The reason was a certain super soldier. Not that you would ever admit that.

“Would I have chickened out if I didn’t know they were after me? No. I can handle myself.” Steve suggested for you to stay behind because they were looking for you. It could bring on unnecessary danger & he obviously needed you to be safe.

“But we know now.” Steve tried reasoning but it was useless, you already made your decision.

“Right. So it’s time to put a stop to it. Come on, Sam & Bucky are waiting for us.” you were out of the door before Steve found enough time to argue with you.

The drive to the coordinates was tense. Not even the kids in the back were joking around. Possibly because this mission turned into something way more hazardous. The situation between Steve & you was the same. Hence why nobody commented on it. After all, you pretty much confessed before there was an actual confession. Therefore, it was the same old. The only difference was your gut feeling that did not give you a hard time anymore. That was not entirely true. You had a bad gut feeling but for another reason.

“That’s the house?” you gestured to the building after the car came to a stop.

“This is it.” Steve confirmed.

“I don’t know why I expected some sort of villa.” Bucky commented while glancing out of the window.

“Maybe that would be too obvious. I mean, we do know that they receive the money beforehand, right? And I’m sure that the order to eliminate me wasn’t his first one.” you spotted Steve tensing up when you talked about that assignment. Your hand squeezed his shoulder & you hoped that your smile was convincing enough. You were alright & you would be after this mission. With Steve, Sam & Bucky on your side, you had nothing to fear. If push came to shove, they would go out of their ways to keep you safe.

“Steve?” Sam spoke up. “You know we need him alive, right?”

“Of course.” Steve nodded though his mind was contemplating going further than that. Unfortunately, you still had to figure out who was the one to assign this to the criminal. Tony was onto that, checking if there was more to find out about that anonymous account who paid the money. “A few punches won’t kill him.”

It was the break of dawn & the neighborhood was completely empty. The silence inside the car was interrupted by Steve’s sign to make a move. All of you stayed close together, you were not about to make the same mistake people did in horror movies. Besides, you felt safer with them around. A noise made you spin around. It was coming from down the hallway. Steve took the lead, you right behind him. Sam & Bucky trailing behind after you. A gun was clutched in your hand but you were not intending to use it today. Hopefully there was no need to. Steve shot you a look over his shoulder, silently telling you to be prepared. When he pushed the door open with his body weight this time, you did not tease him about it like you did when you broke into the back of the pastry shop the other night. The sight you were met with was…unexpected. There was a man sitting behind his computer. The room smelled like drugs. A mixture of multiple things you could not identify & did not even want to.

“Woah, you’re the Avengers.” he slurred his words. So he was drunk as well. “Hey, I’m supposed to kill you.” he pointed at your figure & instinctively, Steve stepped in front of you. Shielding your body with his.

“You sure that’s our guy?” Sam leaned closer to you & whispered. Your shoulders shrugged & you pointed over to the desk where a name tag was proudly displayed. Seemed like he was not the smartest guy if he used the same name for his account on that website. Your heartrate slowed down because you knew you were not in danger. Not right now. Steve approached the man, coming to a halt mere inches away from him. His hand balled into a fist & after one punch in the guy’s face, he was on the floor, unconscious.

“Huh.” you breathed out. “That was almost too easy.”

“Yeah, if we forget about the website where thousands of people assign offenders every single day.” Bucky was right, of course. You stumbled across something way bigger. Hopefully Tony had good news once you returned.

The police was called. They inspected the room & that guy really was everything but intelligent. He horded a file full of his assignments. He would not see the sunlight again, that much was sure. Steve & you waited outside, leaning on the hood of the car. Sam & Bucky were busy talking to the officers.

“Hey.” you started & nudged Steve with your elbow. “Is it appropriate to thank that asshole?”

“What for? For wanting to kill you?” he answered with furrowed eyebrows.

“No.” you chuckled. “But…if it were not for him, we wouldn’t have confessed.”

“There was a possibility that he was dangerous. Maybe we just caught him at a bad time.” Steve mumbled the last part.

“Let’s not worry about that, alright? I’m fine. See?” you gestured to your body, a big smile adorning your features.

“I know.” he nodded but it was obvious that he was still careful about this entire situation.

“I love you.” that seemed to do the job. His eyes met yours, his expression less tense & softer.

“I know that, too.” he smirked when you playfully slapped his chest.

“Steve, you ruined a very roman-“ his lips were on yours before you could finish your complaint. Steve was aware what he was doing, because he smiled into the kiss which caused you to giggle.

“I love you, too.” his lips still ghosted over yours. You could feel as his words left them. “Romantic enough?”

“I’m sure you can do better.” you pulled away & winked at him, moving away to join Sam & Bucky. Steve’s eyes followed your body & he shook his head at you. Yes, he did love you. A lot. And he was already planning how to make his next move even more romantic.

Published (05/18/2021) by Cathy

✨MY Ko-fi PAGE✨

Tags: @zestyemby, @captainxholmes, @met4no1a, @bibliophilewednesday, @weareironmanbitches, @n3ssm0nique, @2bornot2b, @iaalien, @bibliophilewednesday (thanks for your support <3)

213 notes · View notes

waithyuck · 4 years ago

Text

smile

***part of the nct almost collab by @hyucksie***

pairing: zhong chenle x reader (f)

genre: ANGST, a single grain of fluff

word count: 7k

warnings: swearing, depictions of depression, overall sadness, frustration/anger, the reader is sort of obsessed with chenle, heartbreak, descriptions of a panic attack + anxiety, chenle becomes an ass :/, forced kissing, hyuck is a good friend :)

a/n: my piece for the ALMOST collab! I hope you all enjoy this mess of feelings 🥴 idk if this is actually good or not but I think I’m happy with the way it turned out ??? idk anyway enjoy lmao

———

Ever since you could remember, you’ve had a crush on Chenle.

Literally ever since you could remember, considering he’s been in your life since you were five years old.

Classic boy next door trope, you could say.

You attended the same school and even shared classes together throughout your elementary and middle school years. High school obviously had a lot more freedom, giving you the opportunity to pick and choose classes that suited your interests. naturally, that pulled the two of you apart in a certain sense.

You could recall one instance in the very beginning of your freshman year where you caught Chenle and some random girl kissing behind the bleachers. It tore you apart inside, so young a fragile at the time, but you threw on a smile like you always tended to do, and let out a quick and airy apology before running off into the safety of Donghyuck’s arms.

Nonetheless, you and Chenle were pretty damn close; kind of like those best friends you see in books or stories...except that in fiction they usually end up together, and you and Chenle, well...haven’t yet.

You still had hope though, that maybe he felt the same way you did for him. You held onto that hope and cherished it, considering it was the only reason you could get up and face the world on most days.

Yeah, you knew it was pathetic. at least you could acknowledge the fact that relying on feelings from a boy you liked was incredibly stupid, but hey, you had the brain of a senior in high school.

Anyway, you and Chenle were very friendly toward each other, and of course you would talk to each other out your individual windows sometimes late at night, but it wasn’t like those stories people read online. You were simply really good friends; nothing like brother and sister, but certainly not anything more than just friends.

You’d say you probably know more about Chenle than most; besides your shared friends Donghyuck (who was already in university, and your closest friend next to Chenle) and Jisung (who was just a tad bit younger and too shy to really hold a conversation with you). You paid close attention to him because, well, who doesn’t want to know everything about the person they’re crushing on?

Even so, it was definitely a given that Chenle was extremely passionate about his schoolwork and his future career. This kid wanted to be the ‘best lawyer the world has ever seen’, according to himself. You were always supportive of him, egging him on when the workload got to him and assuring him that everything would be okay in the end, even when he was exhausted from all his extracurricular activities and volunteering. Chenle seriously seemed like he would work himself to death.

You never really fully processed what him being passionate about his future would mean for you, and how it would affect your relationship and friendship with him. You didn’t even know that he applied to universities at all (since he didn’t tell you and you were kind of oblivious, to be honest), let alone which ones he strived for.

Fast forward to the present, it was currently the middle of November and school was going full swing, your senior year of high school passing by like a breeze. You were currently hanging out with Donghyuck, who was in town for the weekend from his university in the next city over. It was always nice to see him, his presence always putting a smile on your face.

You both sat at a window seat in the middle of a fairly busy restaurant, joking with each other and picking at your food lightly as you conversed. It grew silent for a moment, your chuckles dying down from some stupid attempt at a joke by Hyuck, before he broke it.

“Did you hear that Chenle got into Harvard?” Donghyuck absentmindedly spoke quietly, picking at the salad seated in front of him on the restaurant table. “Full fucking ride.” He didn’t even look up to meet your now bulging eyes.

Your blood ran ice cold as your heart began to seemingly stop beating, freezing just like your veins.

“He what?” you practically screeched, causing the boy across from you to jump slightly.

Hyuck looked at you then, his cheeks filled with food as he grasped his chest dramatically.

“Uh yeah?” he replied like it was obvious. “He’s really passionate about his career choice, you know.”

“Of course I know!” you shrieked at him, your hands going up to pull at your hair exasperatedly. You chewed your lip, your heart pounding and squeezing in your chest at the notion of Chenle’s inevitable departure from your life. “What, you think I wouldn’t know that the boy I’ve known since I was a LITERAL CHILD, isn’t passionate about his future?!”

Donghyuck was now looking around the both of you, taking notice of the strangers who were now staring at your visibly panicked form.

“Y/N, calm down, please–“

“I’m calm! I’m perfectly fine! ahah,” you chewed on your nails frantically as you tried to quiet your mouth and your mind, your leg shaking nonstop under the table, causing the silverware to shake.

You distracted yourself by looking out the window to your immediate left, trying to watch the people walk by like it was some sort of therapy for your bustling thoughts.

“Why didn’t he tell us he was applying to–“ you cut yourself off quietly, stopping your question short. ”...How does he know already?” you asked, your voice small.

“Early action or some shit, I guess.”

It was quiet for a few minutes between you both; Hyuck continued to munch on his salad and you could feel his eye warily watching you as you chewed your nails to nubs.

“...Are you okay?” he finally questioned, his voice comforting as he pulled you from out of your own head.

“Just,” you bit your lip, your eyes spaced out as you stared down at the floor. “Why couldn’t he have picked a school around here?” Your voice was small and quiet, and you could hear the boy across from you sigh. “Why couldn’t he just do that, like you?”

He didn’t really say anything then, picking up the fact that those were most definitely rhetorical questions. You didn’t touch any more of your food, your stomach tied up in knots, making you feel sick.

“Y/N...”

You didn’t look at him, your face hot with embarrassment from how much pain your heart was actually feeling at the news that Chenle, the boy you have loved for years, would be leaving you.

“He’s really excited about this...you…” he trailed off, trying to pick his next words carefully. “You need to show him some support, even though I know it hurts you.”

You knew that deep down, Hyuck was absolutely right. What kind of friend would you be if you were selfish and kept yourself wrapped up in your own feelings? You sniffled and picked your head back up, finally looking at him.

“You’re right. you are absolutely right.” you finally breathed out, trying to slowly calm your aching anxiety. “Just like always, Hyuck.” You cracked a slight smile then, and he returned it, seeming relieved that you snapped out of your panic, even if it was just a little bit.

“At least you can acknowledge it, angel.” He sent you a wink along with the pet name, and you jokingly gagged, which caused the both of you to laugh.

With the mood seemingly lifted, you were able to enjoy the rest of your time with Donghyuck, even if the anxiety of Chenle leaving was still a heavy presence in the back of your reeling mind.

——

That same night, you laid yourself across your pillows and stared up at the ceiling, not even bothering to change out of your slightly uncomfortable jeans. The lights were on and all was quiet as you laid trapped in your own thoughts, the inevitable scene of your crush of many, many years leaving replaying on loop inside your head.

You tried to distract yourself by working on some miscellaneous homework assignments, trying to get your work done as quickly and efficiently as possible.

You were just getting in the flow of writing a rough draft for an essay when you heard your mother yell up the steps at you.

“Y/N!” she called, startling you. when you replied with a ‘Yeah?’ she continued, “Chenle is here, I’m sending him up!”

Your heart jumped and you quickly shot up from your bed, trying to get rid of any clothes strewn around your floor to at least make your room somewhat presentable. As you slammed the hamper lid shut, you heard a small knock on the door before Chenle let himself in, already beaming at you.

“Y/N, I have some awesome news!” he immediately spoke, shutting the door behind him. You will yourself not to let your heart sink, already knowing what he wanted to share with you he reached behind him to grab his book bag, and once it was in his grasp he set it on the floor, taking a seat beside you on your bed.

You tried not to let your heart race as his shoulder brushed against yours, and you tried to convert up your nerves by giving him a smile in return. Chenle rummaged through his back before angrily grunting, turning to face you.

“I left something at home that I wanted to show you, shit,” he murmured, his hand coming up to swipe over his face. “I can go grab it real quick–“

“Let’s just go to your room, it’s literally right across. We can climb,” you suggested, wanting to escape the suffocating warmth of your own bedroom. Plus, you were always more comfortable sitting on his mattress anyway. “It’ll be fun, like when we were younger.”

You two both grinned at each other then, Chenle nodding his head in compliance as you both stood, preparing yourselves for the leap out of your bedroom window.

You didn’t bother with a jacket; you were only going to be out in the cold for about five minutes tops, anyway. You allowed him to go first, his body jumping out and landing on the roof of your shed with ease. You quickly followed suit, landing a little rough but still in one piece, nonetheless.

He generously offered to prop you up first so you could skillfully open his window from the outside, which you gladly accepted with a smirk on your lips.

“You’re the best at it.” he replied, slightly whining at your smug reaction. “Always have been. For some reason I can never get it open!!”

You ignored him after that, focusing on keeping your balance on his shoulders while you lifted the window open, pulling yourself up on the sill and throwing yourself inside with a dull thud. You heard the scrapings of Chenle making his way up the side of his house, and he toppled in not long after you.

“I’m definitely never doing that again,” he panted, laying flat on his back on the floor for a few moments. You stared back at him from his bed, giggling at his heavily rising and falling chest. “Maybe not never...but not again anytime soon, that’s for sure.”

He managed to pull himself up from the carpet, dusting off his pants and shrugging off his coat before joining you on the bed. He pulled a piece of paper from his nightstand, and your heart began to pound with untamed anxiety.

“This,” he started, his eyes sparkling as he looked at the piece of paper before looking back at you. “is my acceptance letter to Harvard. I got in, Y/N!!!”

Chenle was so excited, and you couldn’t help but swoon at the absolute elation in his eyes as he went on about what he was accepted for and even what the letter said.

You, of course, didn’t tell him that you already knew, courtesy of Donghyuck. If you would have known that Chenle applied to Harvard, you would have had no doubts from the very beginning that he would get in.

Maybe he didn’t tell anyone just in case he wasn’t accepted, and if no one knew then there would be no one to disappoint.

You knew that no matter what, you could never ever be disappointed in Chenle. He was too smart and too good to ever be thought of in that way.

All you could do was smile and smile some more as he went on, barely breathing before he finally took a short pause. His eyes fell down to look at his denim covered legs, and he bit his lip as you watched him in the sudden quiet of his room.

It didn’t last very long, and he took a deep breath before breaking the short silence.

“They want me to fly out there as soon as possible,” he finally spoke, looking up at you from where his gaze was previously on his lap. “I talked to our school, and they’re willing to let me graduate early. I have all my credits, which is really cool.”

Chenle seemed excited, but he spoke softly, as if he knew how hard this news was for you to hear. You surprised yourself at how composed you were acting, despite the jabbing pain you felt in your heart with every word that passed through his lips.

“That’s great,” you commented, a tight smile lining your face, your voice so close to breaking. “When do you leave?”

A question you didn’t really want the answer to. You didn’t want him to leave at all, and gaining the knowledge of a deadline wouldn’t ease your aching heart any.

He shuffled on the bed, pulling his legs up to sit fully on the mattress facing you. He clasped his hands together and sighed, his bleached blonde hair falling into his eyes.

“The end of December, right before new years,” he chewed on the inside of his cheek, his eyes trying to gauge your reaction, even though you weren’t really giving him anything to work with.

That was really soon…

“Wait, but that’s before our semester ends—“

“I know.” he cut you off, smiling brightly. “Like I said, the school is alright with this all happening. They’re really happy for me.”

You sighed, nodding in understanding. It was silent for a moment once more between the two of you; only the sounds of distant cars driving down the otherwise quiet street could be heard for a few moments.

“I just want you to know that I’m really happy for you too, Chenle.” you softly spoke, your hand reaching out to boldly cover his own sitting on the bed in front of you. He stared down at your now touching fingers, but didn’t move to pull away from your warmth.

“Thank you,” he smiled, surprising you by taking your hand in his own and squeezing it, taking your contact with each other a step further. “It means a lot coming from you.”

“Does my approval matter to you?” you questioned, not able to keep it from slipping past your lips. His eyebrows quirked up and he tilted his head a little, looking away briefly before making eye contact once again.

“Yeah, I guess it does.” he replied. “I never really thought about it before, but now that you brought it up...it really does, so thank you.”

You stared at each other then, your lips parted and dry, your brain not sure what to say to him in response. Your heart was hammering in your chest and your ears were consumed with the rhythmic beating and blood rushing happening within your own body.

His brown eyes and dyed blonde hair captivated you and your tongue felt like sandpaper inside your mouth. he looked like he was fighting with himself in a way; restricting his body from moving closer to your own as you sat there in the silence of his room. Your body seemed to mechanically move on its own as it scooted closer to him, your fingers tightening around his as you situated yourself against his body, your face now just next to his. His eyes flicked down to your lips before moving back to your wide eyes, and you felt your stomach jump in anticipation.

Before either of you could do anything, a loud bang came from outside of his bedroom door, followed by a yell from his mother.

You sprung away from each other and you immediately shot up from his bed, already sprinting to his open window from which you came in from. Chenle stood as well, looking between you and the locked door that held his mother back.

“I’ll see you at school.” you hurriedly whispered, taking one more glance at his red cheeks before leaping out the window and down onto the grass below.

You climbed your way up to your own open bedroom window, using the shed and throwing yourself inside quickly before shutting it and closing the curtains. Once you were sure everything was locked and the lights were all off, you slammed yourself down onto your mattress, shoved your face into your pillows, and screamed.

——

“Can we go for a walk around the neighborhood? I want to see all the Christmas lights before people start taking them down.” Chenle spoke through the speaker on your phone, his face not in view on the screen as you FaceTimed each other. You heard shuffling on his end as you focused your attention on your laptop screen, mindlessly shopping online for random things to keep your mind off of the fact that Chenle was leaving in just three days.

The few weeks you had with him passed by like a blur, and you both tried to spend as much time together as possible. Between having to spend time with your family and other friends, it wasn’t as much as you would have liked it to have been.

“Yeah, sure.” you mumbled, closing the laptop on your bed with a soft clack. “Meet you outside in fifteen?”

“Make it ten.” he replied with a smile in his voice, before hanging up.

You sighed heavily before putting your coat on, bundling yourself up for the bite of the cold outside. It was bitterly freezing, and you knew without your whole winter ensemble that you wouldn’t be able to feel your fingers within two seconds flat of being out there.

Fumbling with the buttons and zipper on your coat, you managed to make it outside in seven minutes even, meeting him on the sidewalk just down your driveway.

“Wow, not late for once.” he commented, nudging your shoulder as the two of your began to walk in sync down your brightly lit street.

“Knock it off, I can be on time when I try hard enough.” You rolled your eyes playfully at him, a hint of a smile gracing your lips as you began to take in the beautiful lights around you.

Christmas truly was a beautiful time of year; not just for the holiday itself, because not everyone celebrated it obviously, but for the decorations and the sense of home and warmth.

Chenle and yourself both kept relatively quiet as you walked on, only making noise when you wanted to get each other’s attention to point out certain decorations on some houses. It was rather peaceful, and your heart was swelling with warmth in adoration as you looked to admire his face, which was illuminated by the colorful Christmas lights surrounding you.

Your stomach jolted slightly. This may be the last time you see him for a while. You didn’t mean for the intrusive thought of his absence to wiggle its way into your mind, but it was too late to fight it off.

‘I should just confess’, you thought, now nervously picking at your nails, and chewing your lip to bits. ‘There may not be another chance like this, not for a while.’

It was selfish...but it was now or never.

Too shy to actually confess your feelings first—and thinking back to certain moments that you’ve shared with Chenle to come to this conclusion—you decided to take a different approach.

Get him to confess first.

“I need to ask you something,” you blurted out, your brain scolding your mouth silently for being so goddamn reckless in a moment of weakness.

Maybe this was a bad idea...

Chenle quirked his eyebrow up at you before stopping, turning to face you entirely.

“What’s up?” he replied, his hands stuffed deeply in his pockets in a desperate attempt to keep them warm. His nose was red from the chill in the air and his lips were the same shade from him biting them, the sheen of his chapstick almost completely gone now. His eyes were glassy from the wind blowing and even though his cheeks were blotched in crimson, you thought this was the most beautiful he had ever looked.

You couldn’t do this. Fuck, you really couldn’t do this. Why did you have to open your big, stupid mouth—

“Hey Y/N? Are you in there?” he suddenly broke you from your own thoughts, causing you to jump a little in your boots. “What did you wanna ask me?”

“Uh,” Quick, think of something dumb! “You know, why is perfume so damn expensive?”

You wanted to throw yourself into a frozen lake at this point, as you watched his brow furrow in confusion.

“Uhm, I don’t know,” he bit his lip for about the hundredth time since you started your walk. “Ingredients maybe? Higher end perfumes probably have stuff in them that are more hard to come by, so that’s probably wh—“

“Do you like me?” you interrupted him loudly, squeezing your eyes shut as you practically belted out your original question.

He seemingly froze in front of you, and definitely not from the cold air whipping around your bodies as the wind harshly blew.

“Do I...like you.” he repeated back, formed as a statement more than a question. “Like...as in romantically?”

You didn’t even have to nod for him to know what you meant; the look in your eyes told him enough. The pleading, glassy look as hope swirled beneath your irises, just absolutely begging him to say that yes, he did like you in the way that you liked him.

“Yes,” you confirmed audibly anyway, heat flickering throughout your entire face. “You know, b-because I think before we almost kissed in your room that one time not too long ago, and we’ve been more touchy lately—“ you would have continued on your panicked rambling if he hadn’t cut you off, beginning to speak solemnly.

“Y/N...I..” he started, shaking his head as he tried to get his thoughts straight. “I do. I really do,” your heart jumped at his confession, and you allowed it to spread in your body like wildfire. It didn’t get very far, because he continued to speak. “but I...I can’t.”

You visibly deflated; your heart shattered like glass and everything colorful around you seemed to fade into a greyscale, the holiday lights surrounding the two of you no longer sparking any kind of joy. “This scholarship...my future...it’s important to me. I can’t let anything stop me, I’m so sorry…”

“Chenle...” you whimpered, stepping closer to him boldly, unsure of how to properly express your feelings to him at this point. You dared to breach his personal space, and he watched your every move with those same, glossy brown eyes that you adored every day for so many years.

You tilted your head, your lips ghosting over his own as he let out shaky breaths, yours matching his as you stood together in the cold.

His lips were right there. unmoving, as he didn’t pull away from you. If your leaned forward just a little more...almost….almostalmostalmost—so close—

“Y/N, stop.” he suddenly muttered, pulling you out of your trance. His head drew back as he stepped away, still in your reach but far enough to where your lips weren’t brushing against each other’s anymore.

You gritted your teeth at the rejected feeling that bubbles up inside you, the tears welling your eyes before spilling hotly down your frozen cheeks.

“I love you, Chenle.” you cried, gripping the rough material of his jean jacket. The darkness of the night could have hidden your tears if it weren’t for the moonlight blaring down on the two of you like a spotlight. “Please, I love you.”

He looked like he was trying to hold himself together, his lips set in a straight line as he looked away from you, his hands hovering over your wrists. Chenle gripped them suddenly, not hard, but with enough force to get you to pay attention.

“I love you too, Y/N.” he finally admitted, his voice quiet as he tried to restrain his emotions. “But I can’t pass this up. I just can’t.”

You should have forced yourself to understand. This was his life, for fucks sake. You shouldn’t have let yourself feel selfish, thinking that he would drop everything to stay here. With you.

“We can’t be together. I’m sorry.” he finished with that, slowly dropping your wrists from his hold. “If I…” he swallowed thickly. “If I let you kiss me, I know I wouldn’t be able to leave. I know it.”

He took in your figure at last, watching as your tears fell freely from your eyes in hot rivers down your already stained cheeks.

“Look, maybe someday this would work...but just, not now.” he sounded exasperated, running a hand through his hair. “Your life is here, and my life will be starting there. I’ll be busy constantly and it just...won’t be fair. It really won’t, you have to understand, Y/N.”

He watched as your hands shook when you lifted them to wipe your face, solemnly nodding in acknowledgement to his words.

“Okay.” you croaked, not meeting his eyes as you turned to walk away, leaving him in the middle of the park you used to play at when you were kids.

You weren’t going to put up a fight. You weren’t going to plead with him anymore. You were going to try your absolute hardest to stop yourself from being selfish in that way.

You were just going to have to live with that fact that you couldn’t have him right now. That you almost could have had him.

Almost.

——

Chenle faded out of your life like he wasn’t even present in the first place. You barely heard from him after he left; there would be miscellaneous texts here and there but overall, he was right in the end. He was really always busy.

His school workload was heavy, and you were aware of that, but a selfish part of you always seemed to get angry at him for not responding to you.

The worst part was not knowing whether he wanted to reach out to you at all.

He didn’t come home during summer break, which broke your heart a little bit. Donghyuck tried his best to be there for you as you went through the motions; you were constantly miserable at the reality that you most likely would never call Chenle your own.

Chenle didn’t keep in contact much with Hyuck or Jisung either, seemingly leaving you all in the dust as he went about his new life away from you. His parents talked to him all the time obviously, and your own mother would dawdle on about something that Chenle achieved at school to you, but you’ve come to pretty much ignore everything that had to do with him.

You went about getting your own education, passing your classes by the skin of your teeth during the first semester and then producing the same results during the semester after that.

You really couldn’t blame yourself for feeling so utterly heartbroken; you were in love with that boy for most of your life, and for him to suddenly rip himself away from you like that was wholeheartedly agonizing.

Chenle rarely ever came home; he did briefly for Christmas, but then hurriedly left immediately after, not even staying for the full duration of his break.

You actually ran into him by accident one day while he was still home, but you didn’t stay in his presence very long before wanting to go to the safety of your bedroom and cry.

“Did you even miss me?” you whimpered out, exhausted after your small talk had turned into a bit of an argument. He sighed heavily, frustrated no doubt. you could hear it in his voice as he spoke to you.

“What do you want me say, Y/N?” he countered, scoffing at you as you held back the pain you felt burning behind your eyes, desperate to cry. “I haven’t even had the time to miss anyone, let alone you.”

You stood in silence for a moment, baffled at his dismissive attitude of it all. It’s like he didn’t even remember that he told you he liked you too all those months ago.

“You...” your voice cracked a little, and you looked away from him. “Did you even try, Chenle? Did you even try to find the time to talk to me?”

He didn’t say anything back, only staring at you before tearing his eyes away, his jaw locked. You felt as if you already knew the answer.

You turned to leave, but felt his hand immediately circle around your arm, roughly pulling you back to face him. Taking one look at his face, you knew he was angry.

“Do you know how much it hurt, Y/N?” he barked out, making you flinch back slightly. “Do you know how much it hurt to leave you? I–“ he cut himself off as his voice cracked, turning his head away and swallowing heavily before continuing. “I wanted to, so bad Y/N. You have no idea.”

Your lips parted in shock, and you had a million things you wanted to say, but you managed to keep it all inside as he went on.

“But I had to control myself. I already came to terms with the fact that this,” he gestured between the two of you, “wasn't going to ever work out. I figured that out a long time ago... I had to distance myself from you, I’m sorry.”

You really didn’t want to accept that apology. You really really didn’t. Your anger was swirling inside you, a typhoon of emotions building and building as you stared back into his now cold brown eyes. To you, they used to be so full of warmth and friendliness, and now they looked distant and unentertained, like he didn’t want to be here in the first place.

That hurt like a bitch.

You scoffed at him, making his eyebrows raise in confusion before they furrowed, his eyes narrowed at you.

Yeah, you were probably being a bitch for not accepting his apology, and all of this was turning out to be super petty, but you felt like he deserved it just a little bit.

Deep down you knew he had a point; his reasoning was valid and it all made sense, but when did having feelings for someone like you had for him ever lead to rational decision making?

“You know, Chenle,” you started, shoving your hands in your pockets roughly to shield them from the cold. “I really thought that we could still be friends after all the bullshit, I really did.” He watched you carefully as you practically spat forth those words, venom dripping in your tone. “But then you went and messed it all up.”

You probably shouldn’t have added that last part; playing the blame game never worked in anyone’s favor in the end, but your emotions once again got the best of you.

Smoke practically blew out his ears as his mouth parted in shock. Your heart dropped when you heard the sound of sarcastic laughter falling out of his mouth, knowing full well that you fucked up this time.

“I messed it up? Me??” He was pointing to his own chest for emphasis, and you had the audacity to give him a quick nod. “Ahah, wow Y/N, that’s really rich coming from you.”

You didn’t even have a second to get a word in before he crowded your space, so close that your chests were touching. You drew in a sharp breath, not sure what in the hell he was doing right now.

“You were the one that was practically begging me to kiss you that night, remember? You were trying so hard,” he spat, so close to your face now that you couldn’t even feel the cold nipping at your cheeks anymore (whether it be from the embarrassment lacing through your veins or the extensive heat from his body, you weren’t sure).

You couldn’t think of anything to say in response; all you knew was that he was dishing out pretty low blows, and each word was like a knife being plunged into your chest.

“Like, how desperate are you?” he added in, now moving his hands to grip your waist, making you squeak in surprise. “You want a kiss so bad? Get fucking ready.”

You weren’t sure what he meant and your brain was having such a hard time comprehending anything going on in that moment, the pressure of his hands gripping your waist making all thoughts fly out of your head besides one.

Him.

“Wait, Chenle–“ you placed a hand on his chest to try to push him away, unsure of how you felt about this situation.

“What, you don’t want it now?” his voice was borderline malicious as he spoke to you now, making you feel incredibly small and vulnerable under his gaze.

“No I–“

“You come to me and give me all that bullshit, and now when I’m trying to give you something that you wanted,” his grip grew tighter. “you don’t want it anymore? Make up your damn mind, Y/N.”

You did want it. There was still a huge part of you that screamed at you to just let it happen, but you knew it would be wrong. So fucking wrong. He wasn’t doing this because he wanted to; he was doing this because he wanted all this to end right here.

You were scared. He was scaring you with the way he was acting right now.

“Chenle, please—“

“Just shut up.”

Chenle didn’t allow you to get another word in before he crashed his lips against yours, roughly pressing his against your own so abruptly that you felt your teeth pierce the inside of yours. You tasted blood, but it wasn’t the first thing on your mind at the moment; Chenle moved his mouth against yours aggressively and without any emotion besides anger behind it, and you absolutely hated it.

Sure, it felt nice to finally get what you wanted, but in a way, you definitely were not. This isn’t what you wanted at all. You wanted to love him and you wanted him to love you...and you wanted it to feel nice.

His hands slid down to your hips and your stomach jumped in surprise as you tried desperately to match his pace to at least kiss him back a little bit. It didn’t last long, and with a strong push on your hips he effectively pulled away, your body stumbling back from the force of his shove.

His lips were red and puffy and his eyes were dark as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, panting slightly. You probably looked somewhat the same, but didn’t even move from where you stood as he stared at you. You felt your eyes become glassy from staring into space too long, and you felt your hands shake, but most definitely not from the cold.

“There’s your fucking kiss.” He finally said, taking two steps back. “Goodbye, Y/N.”

You didn’t even watch him walk back into his house. You ran as fast as you could back into your own home and immediately slammed the front door shut behind you, darting up the stairs without a single word.

You barged into your bedroom and without even removing your winter garments, you threw yourself down onto your mattress for what seemed like the millionth time in the last year, and began to sob.

——

Chenle’s parents said that he had commitments at the school, some sort of research or whatever, and that’s why he couldn’t stay home long. At the time, all you really thought was ‘good riddance’, but you knew that your heart would be back to obsessing over him in no time, even after what had happened between the two of you on the day you try so hard not to remember.

Well, at least he was flourishing at school.

When Donghyuck found out what had happened between you and Chenle during the time he was home from university, he was ready to kill someone. That someone being Chenle.

“He did what to you?!” Donghyuck screamed over the phone, causing you to pull it from your ear from the sheer volume of his screeching. “I’ll kill him, Y/N. I swear I’ll fucking kill that kid.”

“No need, Hyuckie. It’s not that big of a deal.” you replied somberly, sighing as you relaxed on your mattress against your pillows.

“Not a big deal??? Angel, he basically forced that shit on you,” Hyuck was speaking softly to you now, a stark contrast to his yelling from a few moments prior. “You should be furious at him. You need to tell someone—“

“I’m not mad,” you replied quietly, chewing on your bottom lip. “A part of me wanted that to happen, Hyuck. It just…” your voice trailed off, your brain trying to think of the right words to say. “Wasn’t what I was expecting, is all.”

The line was quiet and you weren’t sure what to say next, and Donghyuck must have felt the same. It was a really fucked up situation, you had to admit.

“I think I…” your voice sounded broken, but you continued. “I think I still love him.” The words came out as a whisper and they surprised even yourself, not expecting to admit such a thing after all that has happened.

“Oh, angel…” was all Donghyuck replied with before you quickly made up some lame excuse to hang up the call with him. You hurriedly pressed the ‘end call’ button and threw yourself back on the bed, spacing out once again just like you always do.

You managed to bear with not seeing or talking to Chenle after the incident (a huge part of you didn’t want to, after hearing what he had to say and also what he did during Christmas break), but when you stumbled across a post of his one night a couple months after while scrolling through Instagram, it had your heart shattering completely.

“What the fuck,” you whimpered, already struggling to hold back tears as your watery eyes stared daggers at the photo displayed on your screen. “What. The. Fuck?” you said it louder this time, with more malice, and you threw your phone across your bed to get it away from you.

Chenle had posted a photo of himself and another girl, kissing each other while snow fell in some random park you didn’t give a fuck about. He found someone else. He fell for someone else.

The hypocrisy.....he didn’t want to be with you because he wanted to focus on school, but then he goes and starts up a relationship with someone else anyway?

Maybe he did it to spite you.

At first, you felt pathetic for crying about it. You tried to muffle your cries in your pillow, holding back the ugly sobs that you so desperately wanted to let out. You silently cried, your heart aching and your lungs gasping for air as you fought the pain in the dark pit inside your chest.

You began to grow angry after a while, your thoughts spinning wildly out of control as your chest heaved, your nails digging into your sheets to keep yourself from clawing at your own burning throat.

You screamed.

You screamed and screamed and cried until there was nothing left inside you. You needed to let out the festering hatred you had grown for him since he left over a year ago. It was ugly and it was cacophonous, but you didn’t care anymore.

Your parents were luckily out, and you didn’t give a fuck about your neighbors. You poured out every raw emotion you felt until you sensed yourself beginning to calm; your chest no longer rose and fell like you had been running a marathon, your heartbeat quieted to a low thrum in your ears instead of a pounding drum, and your muscles relaxed, allowing you to lie down flat against your mattress.

Your pillow was soaked through with tears and your head was thumping, like your brain was smashing a baseball bat to the inside of your skull. You breathed in, five long seconds, and breathed out, seven seconds more, before bathing in the quiet of your room.

Your phoned buzzed from the end of your bed, and you hesitantly picked your head up, sliding to sit and reach for it tentatively.

It was a text message.

From: donghyuckie :P

hey, saw chenle’s post. ice cream in 20? I’ll pick you up

You smiled, surprising yourself entirely, as if you weren’t just screaming your head off just five minutes ago. You were incredibly happy to have such a good friend in your life, immediately knowing what you needed when you needed it. You were quick to reply.

To: donghyuckie :P

sounds good, I’ll see you then :)

You smiled again, and didn’t stop the whole night, Donghyuck's presence always comforting and joyful.

You would be okay, you knew you would. All you had to do was just live your own life, forget about Chenle, and be happy...always with a smile.

#nct-writers #neowritingsnet #neothestars #nctcreations #nct: almost #chenle #zhong chenle #nct #nct dream #chenle angst #chenle scenarios #nct angst #nct dream angst #nct scenarios #nct dream scenarios #idk how to tag shjsjs #chenle fanfic #???#chenle x reader

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dabiboy · 4 years ago

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Idk if I requested this but hawks x reader where the reader and hawks both grew up in abuse and raised by the commision. ( there backstory ) and while there out on a mission hawks almost gets killed but the reader dwoop in and took the blow instead and that’s when he realises he’s been in love with her all this time idk it’s confusing ( however you want to do but the reader doesn’t die ) fluff ending please angst to fluff ;-; <333

Hi there! Well, the idea I had mixed these two requests, hope you don’t mind 😅

If anyone likes reading with music, I wrote this while listening this songs in the following order ‘Lost boy-Ruth B, When it's All Over by Raign, Call your name by Attack on Titan, Take Me Back to the Night We Met by Lord Huron and Hold on by Chord Overstreet.’ idk if it fits the timing, but yeah 😅

Always

''Shit, careful'' Hawks hissed when the cold compress made contact with his bruised cheekbone.

''If you don't stop moving is hard, you know'' You said, putting some pressure to reduce the pain.

''Fair point'' He remained silence for a while before a nostalgic smile appeared on his face ''This brings me memories'' you knew what he was talking about, and couldn't help but smile in the same way.

''Yeah, me too...''

Years before

Thunders and rain were the scenario for that cold night at the commission, but that didn't stop the training nor the classes during the day. However, the only thing you were waiting for was dinner time, the only moment of the day where you could hang out with all the different kids, but that special one. The kid with red wings, Hawks. The two of you became friends due to sad circumstances, when he had asked you where did you come from. Without even knowing him, he gave you the confidence you never felt, his eyes paying attention to you, nothing else, ready to listen and provide any help. You told him everything about you, about the abusive household, the bad treats and all that comes with it. His wings flopped, his eyebrows went up and his eyes open when he heard your story, and with some sad emotion he had claimed that he went through the same. ''We're not that different! I just have wings'' ''But your wings are really cool'' ''Do you think so?'' And from that conversation on, your dinners were not lonely anymore, nor your lunches or breakfast. Hawks was always there, to tell a joke, to support you, to tell you about his day and ask you about yours.

That is why you felt weird when he wasn't at the dining room as every night waiting for you. The table the two of you shared was empty, and he was nowhere to be seen. You walked with your tray among the other students, asking them if they had seen Hawks, but none of them did. However, a girl walked towards you and say some words that made you whimper. ''I heard he was training really hard today'' was he ok? After thanking the girl you left the tray on a random empty table, grabbing only the chocolate bar they gave you as a trait on Friday nights.

Walking through the installations was always confusing, too many hallways and doors that were similar, but you knew the way to his room. Hawks' room. You were being careful, though. Girls' and boys' dorms were separated, and there was no way you could get to his dorm past nine pm. But there you were, walking fast and cautiously until you get to the known door. One knock and no answer. Two and the same happened.

''Hawks? It's me, I... I didn't see you at dinner so I thought...''

The door opened on his own, a feather, of course. He was getting better at using them, but that had a cost, a cost you comprehend when you saw the twelve year old boy sitting with legs crossed on his bed. He was lucky he had a dorm for his own, but he didn't seem happy about it. Actually, it was the first time you saw him sad. He was the one that comforted you, the one that made you smile. But now his light was faded. You approached him slowly, sitting next to him. You could notice his raspy knees and cheekbones, forehead, arms. Everywere. He was trying hard to control his sob, holding his Endeavor plushie with one hand against his chest. You were the only one who knew about it, he didn't want other kids to bother him for liking the flame hero.

''Hawks?'' You whispered ''What happened?''

''Training was hard today'' He answered simply, looking down at the mattress.

''I... Can see'' You tried to laugh at your bad joke ''Do they... Hurt?'' The bruises were too evident as to avoid them. ''They should give you something for the pain!''

''They said that it should heal soon, so... Guess I'll be fine'' He hugged his plushie a bit more.

''You need to be ok if you're gonna be a great hero!'' You said standing up, looking through the cabinets in his dorm for a faids kit, and when you found it you sat back next to him.

''What are you doing?'' He asked, his curious bird-like expression was on his face again.

''I will heal you. Or try to'' All of your attention was on looking the things you needed.

You used the cold gel compress to put it on his bruised cheekbone, telling him to hold it as you look for something to clean the dry blood off his arms and knees. He looked at you with a confused expression, no one took care of him like that before. Not even mentions his parents. At the commission, the other kids always praised his wings, and they wanted to be friends with him because of that reason, but you were different. There you were, trying your best at healing him, making lame jokes to make him laugh and to cheer him up, telling him he was going to be a great person.

Once you were done, you sat comfortably again and smiled at him

''Oh, I almost forgot. I got you this!'' You took the chocolate candy out of your pocket ''It melted a bit, but I hope it cheers you up'' His eyes winded in surprise again, and then he leaned in to hug you tight. His arms caging your shoulders. You couldn't help but blush a bit, a boy was hugging you, what else could you do?

''Thanks, really. You're my best friend'' Hawks said, his eyes still a bit glossy but now they looked a bit happier ''Do you want the half?'' He asked you, opening the candy and splitting it in two.

The winged kid made your life at the commission a hundred times better.

Present day.

''I can't believe that you're a grown up man and I still have you patch you up'' You joked, leaving the cold compress on his desk. After years of training together, the commission decided that you worked well together, that's how you ended up in his agency, working next to him.

''And I will never be able to thank you enough'' He said with a teasing smile.

''Yeah yeah, whatever'' You said, getting away from the chair he was sitting ''Are you gonna go to the date with Hanao?'' Feelings were hard to comprehend, and you didn't know why you felt jealous every time he went on dates with random girls. No, you knew it. You just couldn't confess even to yourself that you were in love with that man.

''Uh, I think so. She's hot but talks too much'' He frowned his nose when he whined.

''I talk a lot too'' You raised your eyebrows.

''Yeah, but your diffe-'' The door opening dramatically interrupted him.

''Guys! Nomus are attacking the city again, we need back up!'' The man yelled.

The two of you adopted a serious posture immediately, Hawks gave you the look that asked if you were ready, and knowing him as you did you simply nodded.

He held you in his arms so he could fly you near the scene where the chaos was happening, and when was near the floor he let you down, knowing you're fighting area was the ground.

Hawks went flying so he could rescue some civilians with his feathers and fight nomus with the bigger wings. Things were getting messy, the creatures were destroying everything, and none of you noticed the spilled gasoline of a broken car and the fire nearby.

You were finishing with a nomu when you saw Hawks again, and thanked internally when you saw he was alright. After a while, his wings got smaller because of the number of feathers used, but he was still trying to help a civilian that was stuck inside her car.

Everything was happening so fast yet so slow, you could see everything that was happening in slow motion, thinking fast about what your next move should be. Help the scared kid? A cop was running to him. Fight with the white nomu? No, three heroes were fighting against it. And then you saw it. A big one was walking straight to Hawks, but he was too busy helping the man in the car he didn't notice it. The distance was getting narrower, so you ran, ran as fast as you could towards him.

''Hawks!'' You could scream.

But it was too late.

Everything happened within the same second. The gasoline that was spilled made contact with the fire, creating a deafening explosion, the fire blinding everyone's sight at the same time the nomu used his outrageous arm to hit you and send you flying, body crashing against pure concrete. Hawks tried to cover him at the moment of the explosion, but your voice made him turn around and see what was happening. He saw the exact moment when the nomu got rid of you, his senses panicking when he saw you crashing against the hard concrete wall, and then to the floor.

Another hero started fighting the nomu that attacked you, and other rescue heroes took care of the man trapped.

Everything was in slow motion again, this time for Hawks. He couldn't fly, he wasn't fast. He ran towards your moveless body, but his steps felt heavier by each second, he was praying you were ok, he wanted to see you getting up, moving. But that didn't happen. You were there, face on the floor, passed out.

''Y/n!'' He desperately called your name, turning you around to lay you on his lap ''come on kid, wake up!'' Hawks called, but you didn't hear his words. ''Hey, hey look at me. I need you to look at me for fuck's sake!'' Tears were forming in his eyes when he saw you were not responding. Blood was running down a corner of your mouth and your forehead, dust was all over and your eyes still closed.

He couldn't lose you. Not you. As he called your name, all the memories attacked him. Those nights at the commission when you cured his wounds, when you shared your food, the times he got flustered when you kissed his cheek for the first time, or when he got jealous when a kid two years older asked you out. Or when you were in your twenties and he saw you with a good looking civilian and felt jealous again. The laughs you shared, the sad times. Damn, he even remembered the first conversation you had, when you told him everything about your shitty past and he had offered you his Endeavor plushie for comfort. The nights you spent together till dawn or get caught by someone at the comission. How he felt weird when he went on dates with random girls, He didn't want to be with any of them. He wanted to be with you. Just you.

And the realization came like a storm. First the lighting in the middle of the night, everything that looked dark and confusing was clear. And then the loud sound of a thunder. It was love. Everything that he felt those years, every weird emotion. He was in love with you, and didn't get the chance to tell you.

He was on his knees, putting pressure on your wounds as he looked the chaos around him, begging for a doctor, or a fast hero that could take you to the hospital. For the first time ever, he felt helpless. However, a voice took him out his thoughts. A light of hope.

''Wing hero Hawks! I'm Ingenium from the UA, class 1-A. I can take them to the nearest hospital right now!''

He looked at the hero in a white armor, a student? He didn't have another option. He let the young hero take you in his arms. The engines on his calves lighted up and he went running. Damn he was fast, it could be a chance to save you.

When All Might arrived at the scene, things got calmer. And he used whatever means he had to get to the hospital in which the hero had taken you.

People looked at Hawks with curious eyes, he was looking desperate, looking for you everywhere and asking about you. He was about to lose his head when the same student arrived, this time no mask on.

''Hi, this is Tenya Ida from class 1-A, UA student'' He introduced himself again, this time properly ''They take them to surgery and said she should be out in an hour or a bit more''

Hawks thanked the kid, and gave an effortless pat on his shoulder beofre moving to the waiting room. One hour pass, then two, and then three. What the hell was taking so long? He was resting his elbows on his thighs and head on his hands. No one gave him information about you, and he could feel the tears dampening his cheeks. He loved you, he had loved you all along and now you might be gone forever. He wanted to hug you, kiss you, never let you go.

Hours seemed infinite, but then an exhausted doctor appeared in front of him. 'They're sedated' she said, explaining to him that you had lost a lot of blood, but that they were able to stop the bleeding from the different cuts, and organs.

Hawks felt like walking the long hallways of the commission when he sneaked to your room when you were kids, nervous, wanting to see you. But now? Now he was a man, and he knew that he loved you and craved to see you. To know you were ok. He got to the door, and doubted whether to enter or not, but he took a deep breath and did it.

You were laying on the bed, a machine helping you breathe and lots of needles and cables on your arm. Keigo's chest tightened at the image of you wounded, and even worse. You were in that state for saving him, and he was hating himself because of it.

Quietly, he sat down as he held your hand. His chin was trembling he was trying too hard not to cry. Using his free hand, he caressed your cheek and pulled a strand of your hair away from your face.

''Hey,'' he whispered ''I need you to wake up, ok? I... Need you here, with me. I'm nothing if I don't have you here'' His voice was broken, and he didn't even notice when the tears were running down his eyes again ''I swear I'll stop stealing your lunch, and I won't whistle or chirp on mornings because I know you get stressed'' Keigo let out a sad laugh ''There's so much I need to tell you, so please.'' He caressed your head again ''I won't go on dates with random girls anymore because I... Just want to be with you'' A sob left his lips, and he rested his forearms and head on the bed next to you ''I can even shave my so-called beard if you want to, but please... Wake up. Come back to me. Please, don't leave me'' His whisper was drowned in tears, Keigo kept sobbing by your side as the memories kept replaying on his head ''I love you, I fucking love you'' He finally let his feelings out among hurtful tears. He wanted nothing more than you to be ok.

Suddenly, his heart stopped. He felt the weight of a hand on his head, playing with his hair. He got up slowly, looking at you with red puffy eyes, but full of hope.

''y/n?'' He asked, heart beating fast.

''I like when you whistle in the morning'' You said slowly opening your eyes ''your stubble is cute'' a weak smile was on your lips, and he couldn't believe that your first words after almost dying were about him ''And I always pack up double lunch because I know you eat mine. That's why I get fried chicken every day'' At that day, he couldn't control the amount of tears escaping his eyes.

''I...'' A sob ''y/n I-'' you interrupted him with your weak raspy voice.

''I know, I heard you'' You nodded, feeling your eyes getting watery too ''I love you too, Kei'' You caressed his cheek. ''I've been in love with you since I was like... Fifteen'' you rolled your eyes and laughed weakly, making him laugh in the same way too.

''Sorry I didn't notice sooner'' He brushed your hair with his hand, and then whipped some tears, but the kee falling '' Don't you dare scare me like that again'' He chuckled lowly.

''Sorry'' You said ''Can I get a kiss for saving your ass once again?'' He couldn't help but laugh again, loving to see you with a good mood.

He leaned forward, his lips on yours were delicate, soft, and tender. Just his lips against yours, a bit salty because of the tears but none of you cared. You whined a bit because of the lack of air and the pain caused because the cut on your lower lip.

''Shit, sorry'' He pulled away, and then got closer again to kiss your forehead for long seconds as his hand was still on top of your head holding your hair. ''I love you, so damn much''

He sat on the chair next to the bed again, resting his head on his forearms one more time. You used the little amount of strength you had to play with his hair, scratching his scalp with soft fingers.

''I love you too, bird boy'' Tiredness was taking over you again ''This time you will have to patch me up'' You joked

''Always. I'll always will'' He sobbed one more time, closing his eyes. Loving your hand on his hair, and your voice. God, he could never be tired of listening to you. ''Try to get some sleep, ok?'' He said moving his head up again.

''Will you be here when I wake up?'' You asked. The same question you did when as kids, when Hawks lent you his bed so you could sleep there as he took care of your sleep from the other bed, not wanting you to get any nightmares.

''Yes, I'm not leaving you. I will be here'' He smiled at you, and after leaving another kiss on your forehead he rested his head on his forearms on the tiny empty space on the bed by your side.

He was not letting the love of his life alone. Not that night, or never.

#hawks headcanons #my hero academia hawks #hawks #mha hawks #hawks x reader #wing hero hawks #bnha hawks #keigo x y/n #keigo takami imagine #keigo takami #bnha keigo #keigo takami mha #mha takami keigo #takami keigo x reader #takami keigo

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yourfriendlyenby · 3 years ago

Text

New Hermitcraft reaction as I type (Cleo)

ANIMATED OPENING OWO?!!!!

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Okay at least someone hasn’t ignored everything that happened last season

*looks at Doc’s video with contempt* Tomorrow I need sleep

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HAS SHE JUST BEEN SURVIVING OFF OF MOSTLY DRAGON BREATH?????

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Okay looks like she hasn’t but then she just got immediately sparta’d by an enderman alright

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Wait she became a gorgon because she drank dragon breath and got yeeted off??? I mean alright then pop off queen

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“He literally just made a speech about how we’re supposed to stick together are we doing something wrong?” nah nah nah it’s cool Mumbo it’s called HERMITcraft for a reason

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Alright I was wrong apparently it wasn’t Cleo it was MUMBO who killed Scar for his head I mean understandable mans went through all of the season without killing anything he can kill Scar as a treat

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“YES IT FEELS SO GOOD!” oh god Mumbo’s just gonna go all war hate and meat this season huh

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“I require one fish for that” a perfectly normal response to someone who just murdered you

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“Oh I’m gonna live in a tree” you’re like the third person I’ve seen so far want to make a treehouse of sorts I draw one treehouse as a sketch for fun and this happens what

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“Explain this to me like I’m a 5 year old uh.. what is a matress-door?” oh it’s like the magical bebagerie all over again it’s okay Scar

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Scar: Grian what is a mastador? Grian and Xisuma: A master-door? Me: Oh god it’s just a big line of Telephone now huh?

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“HOW HAS HE DIED TWICE?!” Mumbo you’ve known this man for like six years at least I feel like you should know this by now

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“This man has survived over 50 hours of hardcore and about 5 minutes in Hermitcraft” mhm alright buddy like you didn’t die and revive yourself in hardcore mhm

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“We have to get to to a mattress door to get you a bed” Is this gonna be the new ‘Etho smells like Beef’ or ‘Gem is great?’ huh? idk what I’m saying anymore it’s almost midnight where I’m at

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"It’s been 10 minutes” mhm alright like Cleo wasn’t part of the people who heard Doc say “Aisoke” and after 45 minutes she had to say “Oh you mean ice hockey”

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“That’s because I made a ‘that’s what she said’ joke and they threw me in the hole” honestly Scar, pop off or whatever the kids say, I can’t wait to hear what she said

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Pearl: Oh yeah, me, Impulse and Gem are gonna do a mansion Cleo: That sounds stupid Cleo: Can I join?

Love them

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Impulse: Are we really doing this? Pearl: You’re asking this now I asked you like three times

Yeah sounds about right

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Impulse... fo r gor the mos s... im puls e

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Gem: I feel like this is gonna go well!

It did not, in fact, go well (probably I’ve only seen the chats in other hermit’s videos)

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They really said “Yes let’s do a mansion with stone tools and no armor” huh?

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Gem: I FOUND A FLOWER POT :D

Honestly, not even surprised that’s so Gem

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Impulse: AH- (cuts) Pearl: Are you alright? The chat: impulseSV was slain by Vex

Oh yeah perfectly fine

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A VEX JUST ZOOMED BY AND STABBED PEARL IN THE HEAD I-

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“Out of all the deaths in the server, I think ours is the best” the first stage of grief is denial Impulse it’s okay

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“THAT WAS A MISTAKE CLEO” I feel like this entire idea was a mistake but alright pop off

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Sorry but like I just love how when they die their voice cuts out

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“I CAN SHOW YOU THE WORLD AS WE-” *dies*

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They find an axolotl and it just died a minute later good job

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Pearl: Did you drop by any more holes? Cleo: *snickers* But you found my hole after-

I need more hermits making these kinds of jokes please

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Impulse having to babysit these people *cough Gem cough*

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Ohhhh are Ren and Cub teaming up?? Idk what the potential entails but it’s there

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Oh wow there are these people who want to separate themselves from the rest of the server?

And one of them immediately declares themselves as leader?

Wow I wonder if they’ll make a van and declare wa- (I am shot and killed and it makes it worse since Ren likes vans)

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Not Doc already having a villager trading all alright hun

Anyways I’m gonna go sleep I’ll watch everyone else and liveblog about it after church

#hermitcraft #hermitcraft season 9 #hermitcraft season 9 spoilers #zombiecleo

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sleptwithinthesun · 3 years ago

Text

and, the other notebook fic. this behemoth was over four and a half pages long and somehow incomplete when i found it, so. uh. yeah. also, it turns out i lied about this being based off of t/fatws because here we have yet another au, except i'll actually establish this one. anyways, i'm calling it the coffeeverse au (idk why, just go with it) and it features a/llcaps, meaning we've got b/ucky b/arnes, s/am w/ilson, & s/teve r/ogers. tis 3.1K words and i hope u enjoy :D

"You got it?" Steve asks, lifting his end of the box once Sam nods at him. It's not exactly heavy, but the late August sun has been beating down on them all day and it's enough to darken his shirt with sweat. They'd thought this would be a good time to move into their brownstone, but apparently, it's not as cool as they'd thought.

Bucky holds the door open for them, his hair pulled up in a topknot and revealing the undercut he'd gotten a couple weeks ago. "Last one?" He scrunches up his nose like a little bunny as Sam passes him, rubbing it and sniffling.

"Yup," Sam replies, popping the 'p' and maneuvering awkwardly with Steve to get the box to the bedroom. "Then we can assemble this." They put the box on the floor with the other two and Sam lets his gaze flicker between his boyfriends. The three of them had been dating for eight months when Steve proposed the idea of them moving in together. They'd settled on a brownstone in Brooklyn a month ago and they're all moving in today, complete with a new bed from IKEA, which. Well. Sam's interested in seeing how this goes.

They take a minute to cool down, the AC already turned on, and Bucky steps outside to lock the cars. It's the first thing Sam noticed about him, how he was always making sure things were locked or closed or just secure, almost to an obsessive degree. He and Steve'd been working on it with him, but it was a little tough since none of them lived together. At least, until now.

"Alright," Bucky says, reentering the room. "This is supposed to be really hard, right?"

"It's a bed, Buck, how hard can it be?" Steve asks, looking at the first box and blushing when Sam laughs, long and loud.

"It's IKEA, man. They're notorious for making everything harder than it needs to be." Steve scoffs at that.

"We'll see."

"What the fuck? I thought we already did this."

"We have to do it again. See, these pieces are over there—"

"How are you so calm about this?" Sam asks, staring incredulously at Bucky, who only shrugs and rubs at his nose. "Okay, come on. This is the last part."

Bucky slides the board over to Steve, and the latter start putting the last drawer-thing together as Sam looks over the instructions. "Why would we put the wheels on last?" he mutters, picking them up. "Steve, flip it over once you're done, there are wheels."

"Where are these even supposed to go?" Steve asks him, sliding the last board into place. "Under the bed?"

"Apparently so," Sam replies, flipping the booklet around to show them. It depicts the bed with the two drawer-things tucked under it as storage, which seems cool but probably won't be utilized.

Steve sighs, handing them each a screwdriver so they can attach the wheels faster. Their work is done in silence as they screw in the wheels on one drawer, and then the other, then finally turn it right-side up and slide them under the bed. Steve and Bucky have already set the mattress down, meaning that Sam gets to make the bed while they find glasses from one of the boxed labeled 'KITCHEN'. It doesn't take too long, and Steve and Bucky return just as Sam sets the third and final pillow down.

"Aw, Sammy, it looks great," Steve says, tucking an arm around his waist and leaning into his side while handing over a glass of water, the whole thing one fluid motion. "Now we just have to decide who's sleeping where."

Sam is the smallest (though not by much), so it would make sense for him to be in the middle, but at the same time, he also really doesn't want to be there. There's something about the placement that just puts him off. Plus, Steve and Bucky run hot and cold, respectively, and he doesn't really want to be in between that.

As if reading his mind, Bucky speaks up, smiling softly at the two of them. "I can take the middle, if you want, and then me and Steve can balance each other out a bit." He rubs his nose again after he speaks, the pink color it's taking on hinting that he's been doing it more often than what Sam's noticed. He frowns a little, taking a sip of his water as Steve gives him a soft smile.

"That sounds great," he says. "Sam, do you want the right or the left side?"

He takes a moment to think, a second away from answering when Bucky sneezes softly into his elbow. "hi'shiew!"

"Bless you," Steve says, a worried crease appearing between his eyebrows when Bucky sneezes a second time. "Bless you again." He looks like he wants to say more but refrains, turning back to Sam.

"I'll take the right," Sam tells him, tilting his head towards Bucky in the way that means let's talk about this and Steve nods in agreement. "Bless, Buck."

Their boyfriend nods in acknowledgement, sniffling lightly, then apologizes. "Sorry, excuse me."

Sam sends Steve another Look, then drops it as Bucky brings his gaze back up to them. "How about we shower, then unpack a little."

"You guys can go ahead. I'll start with the kitchen," Bucky offers, trying and failing to rub his nose discreetly. He's quick to leave the room, and Steve and Sam can hear him putting the rest of the glasses into the cabinet.

"Think he's alright?" Steve murmurs opening the box labeled 'BATHROOM'. Bucky tends to get evasive when he's sick, but he's not the type to fall ill in the summer, or even fall.

"I hope so. We can go out to dinner tonight, see how he is then and check on him again tomorrow morning," Sam replies, taking out the body wash. "You ready?"

Steve grins and pulls off his shirt.

It's still dark outside when Sam wakes up, confused. He's tired from yesterday, what with all of the furniture arranging and unpacking, so why—

"h'ngxt! huh'eSHT-kSSht!"

Squinting through the dark lets Sam see Bucky, partially sat up and hitching at the edge of the bed, doing his best to keep quiet. It's working, sort of, though he's worse off for it and Sam questions how long he's been doing this. Bucky was fine during dinner, had actually seemed a little brighter. There's no way this on-and-off sneezing is from an illness; it has to be an allergic reaction to something.

Steve is still asleep, but with how this is going, he might not be for much longer. For now, though, Sam settles for pulling the sheets aside and placing a gentle hand on Bucky's back as he stifles again.

"hih'XXT! g'SHht!" He looks over his shoulder, twisting slightly to meet Sam's eyes. "Shit, Sammy, sorry," he rasps, voice halfway gone already.

"Don't be, Buck," Sam soothes, shuffling closer to him. "You been like this for a while?"

Bucky sniffles and immediately starts hitching again, pinching his nose and shuddering forward with silent sneezes so rapidly Sam can't count them. "Nodt long. Ten mindutes, maybe?"

"Bless," Sam says pointedly. "Allergies?"

He nods, seemingly given a moment's respite. "Think so. No idea whadt's sedtting me off, though."

Sam moves in closer to examine his boyfriend, noting how his entire face is slightly puffy and his eyes are red and starting to get watery. He looks the same way he does in the middle of spring, all worn-out and only partly conscious. "Do you want me to wake Steve up?"

"Ndo," Bucky replies instantly. "It's ohhkay. Just ndeed to find my meds and I'll be fide."

Sam takes a second to translate congested-Bucky-speak in his head. "Do you know what box your meds would be in?"

His face crumples even before he sneezes again, a clear indication that they probably won't find them until they unpack everything, or at least, the majority. Somehow, Bucky digs up a run of six, seven, eight sneezes and holds them back so firmly a tear slips from his eye, one that Sam reaches up and thumbs away. "Just let yourself sneeze, love," he whispers, sighing internally at Bucky's stubbornness.

"We dond't have tih— tissues," Bucky points out, jerking against Sam with a harsher double. "gh'KTch! h'ESH'uh!" He doesn't quite manage the stifle on the second one, but he straightens up with a congested, relieved sigh. The metal shoulder is cold through the thin material of Bucky's sleep shirt, and Sam himself is only wearing boxers.

"Bless," Sam says again, standing up and pressing a kiss to Bucky's forehead. "Let's get you to the living room, alright?"

Bucky nods, letting Sam pull him to his feet as he speaks. "I'm sorry about all... this." He gestures at his face, indicating his swollen sinuses and now-streaming eyes.

"For being allergic? Yeah, no. You can't help it, and besides, I'd rather help you now than wake up and find you suffering alone."

He lets Bucky figure himself out on the couch, going back into their room to get dressed and wake Steve up, his fingers trailing over Steve's neck as he pulls on a shirt. "Sammy? 'S going on?" he slurs, not yet fully awake.

"Something's triggering Bucky's allergies, but we don't know what it is. Or have meds, or tissues." He doesn't even get halfway through the first sentence before Steve is out of bed, grabbing a pair of slightly-too-small sweatpants from a moving box.

"Is he alright?" Steve asks quietly, giving himself a shake as he wakes up a little more.

Sam shrugs. "He's pretty miserable. Looks the same way he did last April, all puffy and sad-puppy-dog eyed." Steve huffs out a laugh at that, following Sam to the living room and pulling Bucky's hair back from his face to look at it, pausing when he sees the look Bucky sends Sam.

"I thoughdt I told you nodt to wake him up..."

Steve pulls a hair tie off his wrist and pulls Bucky's hair back into a bun, not dissimilar to how it had looked while they were unloading. His hand strokes along the undercut and down the nape of his neck. "It's alright, darlin'. I don't mind." He turns Bucky's face back towards himself, wincing when he sees just how swollen his eyes and sinuses are. "Sam, could you—"

"Let me find one," Sam answers, walking into the kitchen and searching for a hand towel as well as listening to Steve fuss over their boyfriend while he does so. The hand towels aren't hard to find, and Sam decides to wet one and bring another, hopefully in lieu of tissues. Just in time, too, since Bucky's sneezing again, harsh and desperate and itchy.

"hKgxxt! gh'SHT!"

"Ble—"

"h'XTCH'uh! h'XGT-nSHHt!"

"—ss you. Stop stifling, Buck. It's okay." Steve smiles at Sam when he walks back in, gratefully taking the dampened towel from his hands and pressing it to Bucky's face, their boyfriend relaxing slightly. "Thanks. Do you want to go to the store, or do you want to stay here with him?"

"I'll stay," Sam says, then quieter, adds, "I'll see if I can get him to stop stifling; he's just going to make himself worse."

Steve nods in agreement, wiping the cloth over Bucky's face lightly. "I'm going to get you some Benadryl and tissues, okay?"

Bucky shakes his head a little, and Sam swears he can feel his heart sink. It's been nine months since they moved from close friends to boyfriends, and Bucky's still uncomfortable with letting them take care of him. They know it's got everything to do with HYDRA's programming and conditioning, but they'd thought he was starting to get better. Recovery isn't linear, Sam reminds himself.

Steve's hand lands on Sam's arm, eyes telling him to dwell on it later. He nods, moving to sit next to Bucky on the couch as Steve pulls on his shoes. "Come here, love," he murmurs, pulling Bucky over to that he's leaning into Sam's left side. "You're okay."

Bucky snuffles into Sam's shoulder, letting him rub the damp washcloth over his face again. "I'mb sorry, Samb..."

"Hey, hey, no. None of that," Sam scolds lightly. "Neither of us are upset with you."

"Budt I'mb takigg away fromb your sleeb," Bucky tries to protest, then lifts his hand again only for Sam to grab his wrist. "Samb, I'mb— hh-hih! —godda—"

"I gotcha," he tells Bucky, holding up the other hand towel. "Don't stifle, okay?"

Bucky doesn't have a choice but to lean into Sam, his hitching breaths rapid. "hih-hi'SHUH! eSH'uh! hi-hih-h'eshiEW! hept'SHUH!"

Sam strokes his neck gently as he breathes in again, frowning when he feels a series of bumps. Before he can say anything, however, Bucky shudders forward with another round of sneezes, not stopping until nearly half a minute later. "Fugk," he croaks, but Sam's distracted.

"Buck, hey, are these hives?" he asks, concern bleeding into his voice. "Hold on, let me get the light. Close your eyes just in case." Sam slides the dimmer up, biting at his lip when he sees Bucky.

Hives are forming on his neck, the back of it pinkish and bumpy. They're crawling across his flesh arm too, mottling the skin and turning it an angry red. There's only one allergen that does this to Bucky, but Sam doesn't know when Bucky would have come into contact with it, unless, maybe...

"Did the previous owners have a cat?" he breathes, meeting Bucky's streaming eyes. "Oh, shit."

Cats are the worst thing Bucky can be exposed to. He loves them so much and always pets the ones Clint and Natasha have, even thought it's guaranteed he'll get hives from just being around their fur, much less touching it. There's a small period of time where Bucky's actually okay, but that's over almost as soon as it begins. He'll get itchy and congested after only fifteen minutes if he's actively engaged with it and forty-five minutes, tops, if he's just hanging out near them. The hives start appearing around the same time for both and they're quick to spread around his body, hence Sam crossing the room again and lifting up Bucky's shirt. Sure enough, they're reaching across his chest, red welts that'll only get bigger the longer Bucky's exposed to the fur. Sam actually hisses when he sees them, dropping the shirt and gently brushing against the metal arm, aware that it's the only part of Bucky that isn't going to be horribly itchy and inflamed.

Bucky tenses and for a second, Sam thinks he's going to sneeze again. He wouldn't be surprised; the last time they'd visited Clint and Natasha, Bucky had spent an hour with Liho and Alpine, then proceeded to have an allergy attack so bad Steve almost took him to the emergency room. But no, instead, he lets out a scratchy series of coughs and Sam fumbles for his phone, only able to hope that Steve took his with him as he takes a couple steps away from Bucky.

By some miracle, Steve picks up on the second ring. "What happened? Is he okay?"

"He's fine," Sam sighs, then reevaluates. "Well, not fine, but he's holding up."

"So what happened?"

"He's being set off by cats," Sam tells him. "I think the previous owners had one; Bucky's all hivey. They're not too bad yet, but we both know where this is going to end up."

"Yeah," Steve sighs. "Alright, I'll make sure to grab a tube of hydrocortisone. Keep an eye on the hives, alright?"

"Of course. See you soon. I love you."

"See you soon. Love you more, darling." Steve hangs up after that, and Sam turns back to Bucky. There's really not much they can do right now besides vacuum the hell out of the place, and Sam's pretty sure that the one vacuum they have is disassembled in one of the boxes somewhere. They're not going to get to it anytime soon, though. Once Steve gets home, he can give Bucky a triple dose of antihistamines, considering how bad the attack is and his supersoldier metabolism, but for now, it's just a waiting game.

He walks back to the couch, poking gently at the hives on the back of Bucky's neck while he blows his nose into the towel. There's a few minutes of silence, enough for Bucky to start making himself feel slightly normal again, now that it seems the sneezing's died down, at least a little bit. "How bad do they feel?" he whispers.

Bucky shrugs. "They're not too bad, not yet. I've been worse."

"I know you have," Sam says quietly, stroking the metal arm. He sits down next to his boyfriend a couple seconds later, the two of them assuming the same position as before. "You know Steve and I love you, right? More than anything else in the world. The three of us, we're more than a team, more than a unit. We're each other's fucking everything, the be-all, end-all of our lives. There's nothing you could do that would make us stop loving you."

He pretends the tears in Bucky's eyes are just from the reaction, for Bucky's sake. "I don't think I'd be able to stop loving you," he admits quietly. "Ever."

That's big. That's huge, really, and Sam wishes more than anything Steve could have just heard him say that, because wow. They all know their love is as strong as spider silk, but Bucky's always been more cautious with his words than he and Steve.

"I wouldn't, either," a voice says from the doorway, and they both look up to see Steve standing at the threshold of the living room. Sam feels his face split into a grin as he crosses the room, settling on Bucky's other side with a plastic bag. "You two are the only people I know I'd die without," he tells them, opening a box of antihistamines and handing a tube of hydrocortisone to Sam. "I need you both."

It's effortless, from there, for them to lean into a three-way-kiss, something they've struggled with in the past but they fit together so easily in this moment. Sam can feel both Steve's and Bucky's lips against his own and their breath on his face and for a handful of seconds that feel like forever and nothing at all, they're all breathing the same air.

Bucky pulls away first, sneezing suddenly into his shoulder. "hi'SHH-SHUHh! ESH'uh!"

"Oh," Steve says, innocent, kissing him again once he's finished. "Bless you. We should probably open those antihistamines now."

"Might be a good idea." Bucky smiles at him and Sam, curling up between them once he's taken the medicine and the hydrocortisone is rubbed onto the worst of the hives. "Thank you. I love you."

#a/llcaps snzfic #snzfic #a/llcaps #s/am w/ilson #b/ucky b/arnes #s/teve r/ogers #coffeeverse au #swts fic

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