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callme-chaos · 3 years ago

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Tommy SMP (DSMP)

H-hello? How did you get in here? Tommy doesn’t usually let randoms in. Uhhhhh lemme just consult the list real quick. What’s your name?

Huh. Doesn’t sound familiar. Buuuuuuut there you are. On the list. What’s your purpose here then, pal?

A tour? Well, the person who usually does the tours is out in the moment… But I guess I could show you around. If you would like to follow me – yeah just ignore the holes and stuff. They’re just remnants of a couple of wars we’ve had.

What kind of wars? Bro, where have you been?

Not from around here? Evidently. Well, first there was the Disk Wars. You see, Dream had these cool disks but Tommy really wanted them, you know? And this is /Tommy SMP/ and not /Dream SMP/ after all so there was all that. Then there was this Quackity kid who tried to start a nation and Tommy didn’t really like the look of that. And so Tommy and this Ranboo guy decided to blow it all up – I don’t remember the details. You see, I’ve been away… uhhhh… travelling so I don’t really see too much of what goes on here. That and I seem to be forgetting a lot of things… I really should fix that-

Huh? You’re confused. Buddy – I haven’t even told you about the Egg yet!

Yeah! An Egg! I can show you it right now actually. Just follow me.

The vines? Yeah! They’re a nice shade of blue but they’re a real pain to cut down, you know? They just seem to grow back stronger. Now, just pop down this hole here – yeah just straight down.

Oh! Ah. I really should have warned you about the fall damage, huh? I’m sure we can pop into George’s bakery later and fix you up. Providing George is in his bakery… He stopped baking a while back.

Why? I don’t actually know. I’m not really too involved in the politics around here (travelling and all that) buuuuut I heard a rumour that him, Ranboo, Charlie Slimecicle and Technoblade have started like a secret club. Not sure exactly what they do but if Ranboo is involved it can’t be good. Anyways! Here’s the Egg. Don’t step too close though – I’ve heard it has some serious manipulative powers. Niki’s best friend Foolish got transformed by it the other day. She was quite upset. I think she runs a cult in the Egg’s honour with Ponk or something now. She’s nice but pretty scary when she wants to be, I’ll tell you that much.

The Egg is giving you weird vibes? Yeah. You and me both. The blue is giving me shivers actually. Shall we continue our tour elsewhere?

Next? Hmmmmm. I know! I’ll take you to Hannah’s castle and museum. They’re a great tourist spot! Follow me.

Yes we have a museum! History has been made here on the SMP, I’ll have you know. This SMP was founded by the Tommy Team made up of the hot-headed, dashingly attractive Fundy; the greatly popular, widely enjoyed Bad Boy Halo; and, of course, the 1000IQ man himself, TommyInnit. Though, Tommy… hasn’t been about much�� lately… not since… you know…

Well, if you don’t know I hardly have the time to explain now! (I’ll maybe show you later if we have time…) Anyways! Here we are: Hannah’s museum. This miserable little dark room here is a recreation of L’Manberg’s Final Control Room. Back in the first L’Manberg verses Greater Tommy SMP war, L’Manberg’s founding fathers (Schlatt, Sapnap, President Quackity and Vice President Dream) were all betrayed by a member of their own battalion: Hannah-Rose. They were dark times, kid.

You want to know more about President Quackity and his right hand man Dream? Well, they were incredibly close – practically brothers. They both went through a lot together. Until Quackity finally blew up L’Manberg and was subsequently killed by his own father, Charlie Slimecicle.

I didn’t say they were dark times for nothing, you know? Dream took it harder than anyone. And Tommy took the opportunity to traumatise and manipulate the fella further. Tommy even managed to convince Dream’s best friend, Schlatt, that he was the root of all problems on the SMP.

We couldn’t believe it either. Dream did have one friend, Ranboo, for a while. But they ultimately disagreed on their ideas of justice and went their separate ways.

Sad times, indeed, kid. Anyways, where to next… Oh! Hello, Eret! How are you doing?

Ah. He’s busy. Off being cracked at bed wars I suspect.

What’s the big black building over there?

Uhhhhhhhh… Have you seen HBomb’s hotel? It’s great this time of year! Just this way, matey. Technically it belongs Dream but HBomb briefly took it over. There was some kind of dispute between the two guys – nobody here really takes HBomb that seriously. (Personally, I blame the ancient skin he still wears. Kid really needs an update, you know?)

That? Oh, I suppose you can still see some of the remnants. That used to be Punz’s UFO. Someone blew it up but I’m not entirely sure who…

How do I know it was blown up? Look, I’m just taking Quackity’s word for it.

He did die but then he was recently brought back to life. He spends most of his time with Dream outside Las Nevadas.

Las Nevadas is basically the Tommy SMP version of Las Vegas. It’s pretty cool actually – wanna check it out?

Cool! We’re actually heading in the right direction for that anyways. So, where are you from?

Yeah, I gathered you weren’t from around here but where are you actually from?

…Not gonna tell me? Fine. So be it. You sure are a mystery, huh?

I’m not flirting! I just- I… Ah! Look at that! We’re already here! It’s pretty dramatic, right?

You should see it at night. Everything lights up and it is magnificent.

It belongs to Wilbur. He’s the head honcho around here. He’s here alongside Puffy and Phil. Oh! Speak of the devil, if you squint a little bit you can see Phil down there now, bouncing around. He’s a cutie really – though his puns do get tiresome.

What do you mean “you don’t get tired of puns”?

…Are you human?

…What a terrifying answer. Okay! Moving on!

I’m aware that it’s one of the ugliest structures in existence – but you can’t blame Wilbur and Las Nevadas for /that/ abomination. That’s what Quackity and Dream installed last time they were here together.

I know it’s phallic but you don’t have to say that out loud! Come on, man, have a little class.

That up there? That’s Schlatt and Techno’s “cookie castle” as I like to call it. When Dream was exiled, Schlatt met Techno and they started getting really close. They’re everybody’s favourite couple now. I think it’s a friendship that will last a long time, you know? They seem to have a lot in common.

Like what? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh They’re both American?

Look, if you know, you know.

Alright! Next – shall we have a change of scenery? Las Nevadas can get quite… heated, so perhaps we can give the snowy biome a visit, yeah? Now, when we get there it’s important to tread carefully: the forest is enchanted, practically everything there will eat you and, worst of all… Ranboo lives out there.

Ranboo? He’s a terrifying force of nature. I heard he slayed an entire army all by himself, owns a pet polar bear and he helped Tommy take down the entirety of L’Manberg. Ranboo and Tommy – they’re one formidable duo.

No no! There’s no need to be afraid! Apparently Ranboo’s arsonist days are over and he has his carer Charlie Slimecicle watching over him so he’s been relatively quiet recently. I like to think their neighbour Technoblade has been a good influence on them both.

Technoblade is a gentle soul. Poor kid just wants to make everyone happy, you know? I wish everyone was more like Technoblade sometimes – the world would be such a different place…

Nah, nobody can really sleep soundly – not when Antfrost and Purpled are still out there. The Eggpire and Las Nevadas never really rest when it comes to their members. Oh! But by far the worst person to come across – the real reason I haven’t slept in weeks on this server – is… Oh. Oh dear. I think I’ve summoned him. Walk this way – quickly! – and don’t make eye contact…

NO JACK I HAVE NO DESIRE TO WITNESS THE JACK MANIFOLD “GRIND” NOW PLEASE TAKE YOUR FILTH AND YOUR CAT-MAID OUTFIT AND GO BOTHER SAPNAP OR SKEPPY INSTEAD!

…Alright, no need to look at Jack like that.

Jack Manifold in a cat-maid- no. Don’t make me lock you up in Pandora’s Vault along with- uhhhhhh.

Forget I said that. Speaking of Skeppy, he built Schlatt and Techno a beautiful mansion around here somewhere-!

He also built an extraordinary diamond sculpture a while ago-

Please no.

…I guess you leave me no choice then, huh? I guess, I can show you the prison – but we have to be really, really careful, okay?

Who’s inside? Well…

I didn’t forget! It just… Tommy. Tommy is in the prison right now.

Well, of course I didn’t want to tell you! It doesn’t really look good on the server when the person its named after is locked up for life for doing unspeakable things.

No! I’m not gonna tell you what unspeakable things he did – it wouldn’t make them unspeakable then, would it?

…I don’t believe anyone else is in there, no. Why?

Ranboo? Nahhhhhh! Ha ha! What do you know, you silly goose! Well, before we go into the prison, we’ll have to get Puffy’s permission. She’s really strict about who she lets in and out of the prison and takes her role as prison warden very, very seriously. No one has ever died or been injured or brought back to life or wrongly imprisoned while the prison has been in her care.

What do you mean – “not convincing”? If you don’t trust my word, then that’s a /you/ problem.

…The prison is this way. Now, when we get in let me do all the talking… You know what? Perhaps you should stay outside. I’ll go in, talk to Puffy and try to get permission to go in – but I make no promises, understand?

…Alright, wait here.

…

Puffy said no.

No, it was a pretty definitive no actually. Wh-where are you going?

You can’t! Puffy hasn’t given you permission!

There’s nobody in there /to/ save. Tommy deserves to be in there-

There is nobody else in the prison!

You’re insane.

No, I won’t let you.

…

…I don’t think so, matey. Feel that sharp object between your shoulder blades?

I figured you did. That’s my sword. I am not afraid to push it through your chest if it means keeping you out of that prison. Understood? Now, step away from the prison.

Thank you.

…I think that concludes our tour. Perhaps it’s best you- oh! Karl is here! Karl Jacobs! Over here!

Yeah. He doesn’t talk ever but he’s still a great guy, you know?

Oi. Wave back. It would be rude not to wave back.

My name? Oh my goodness! I totally forgot to introduce myself! (Though, you never really asked until now anyways…)

It’s okay! I know I talk a lot – it can be difficult to get me to shut up sometimes – ha ha!

My name is Callahan.

#tommy smp #dream smp #tommyinnit #dream #callahan #tour #dumb #this was dumb #but still a lot fun #my name is callahan

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barry-j-blupjeans · 4 years ago

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@taznovembercelebration - Day 5: Rockstar

Okay, so Taako didn’t really like working at the pet shelter. Don’t get him wrong, it was a lot better than like... working as a cashier or a waiter or something where he had to be interacting with people for ninety percent of his day. But he wasn’t a fan of ninety percent of his day interacting with dogs, either. They were yappy and snappy and frankly, too much for Taako. He was much more of a cat person, but they only had so many cats and they got adopted fast enough.

But the job had its perks. Working with Lup was one, obviously. Having a decent pay, hell yeah. Having people respect what he did, sure that was great. Maybe having Magnus as his boss wasn’t the best (gods know that Magnus didn’t need another thing to hang over his head), but overall, the work was fine. Taako could manage.

He was closing today. There was only about an hour left before closing. Lup and Barry were in the back, checking up on all the animals when the bell above the door jingled and a group of two stepped in. The adult was tall, with his hair done up in locs. He wore all black and an baggy, but fashionable, overcoat. Nearly attractive enough to make Taako stop and stare. With him was a small kid, bouncing excitedly. His glasses were almost slipping off his nose, his hair was wild and unruly and he was so eager that the man had to hold him back

Taako didn’t know who brought their kid into pick a pet out at 6:30 PM, but what the hell, work was work.

“Hey folks,” Taako said in his best costumer service voice, standing behind the front desk. “Welcome to Raven’s Roost pet shelter, what can I do for you today?”

“Kitty!” the boy said. He couldn’t be more than four years old. He broke free from the man’s hold and came up to the counter. His didn’t even peak over the top. “Do you have any, sir?”

Well, at least he was polite.

“Sure do,” Taako said. “What kind of cat are ya looking for, kiddo? And guardian, of course.”

“I’m his dad,” the man. “Um, we can come back tomorrow if it’s too late-”

“Kitty,” the kid whined, tugging on his dad’s sleeve.

“We probably won’t be able to take one home today, Angus,” he said. “We’ll come back tomorrow and-”

“It’s fine,” Taako cut in. “Don’t worry about it, there’s still a bit til we close. I can even send you guys home with the paper work if you find a cat you like.”

“Kitty!” Angus said triumphantly.

“Yes, Angus,” the dad said wearily. He was smiling though.

“Right this way, then,” Taako said.

The pet shelter wasn’t too big, but it was noisy. The past the door that lead to the dogs and Taako could hear Barry talking- probably trying to calm them down.

“What’s your name again?” Taako asked as they neared the cat door.

“Oh, uh,” the man said, looking a bit nervous. “It’s, um. It’s Kravitz McAllister. And of course, my son, Angus.”

“I��m Taako,” Taako said, like they hadn’t already read his nametag. “Have any type of cat in mind?”

“Good with children?” Kravitz said. “Angus knows not to- he knows they’re not play things, obviously, but he gets excited around cats, he really loves them. Probably not any cat that loves outdoors and uh, age doesn’t matter. Kitten, been here for ages. Doesn’t matter.”

“Got it,” Taako said, holding open the door for them. “All the cats we got are in here.”

Taako spied Lup look over from where she was giving some food to one of the older cats. And then he saw Lup drop the food all over the ground and swear to herself.

“Sorry!” Lup called over and Taako rolled his eyes.

“Lemme go help her,” Taako said to Kravitz. “Feel free to look at any of the cats.”

Angus was already staring down a middle aged tabby. Kravitz smiled and went to join him as Taako went to help Lup.

“Doofus,” Taako whispered as soon as he got close enough, kneeling down to help help.

“Shut up,” Lup hissed intensely. She peaked over Taako’s shoulder at the customers and then ducked back down. “Taako, do you have any idea who that is?”

“Uhhhhh, a handsome fella here to get his kid a cat?”

“It’s Kravitz McAllister,” Lup said, like that meant something to him. “Like? Literally the most famous singer in the country at this very moment Kravitz McAllister, Taako, what the fuck.”

“Why haven’t I heard of him, then?” Taako said back, shoving the cat food in a pile. “If Taako don’t know him, he’s not famous.”

“Well now you fuckin’ know him, dumbass,” Lup said. “Fuck, should I tell Barry? Holy shit. Get a better music taste, Ko, how do you not know him?”

“I’m sorry your music is shit,” Taako said. “Help me clean this up.”

Lup was already up, scurrying out of the room to get Barry. Taako would have flipped her off but there’s a child and a celebrity in the room. He finished cleaning up the cat food and returned to feeding the cat that Lup had left behind. Taco.

Man, Taako loved Taco. Taco was the best cat here. A shitty, grumpy, silly old man.

“Who’s that?” Angus said, suddenly right next to Taako. Taako jumped, nearly dropping the food again.

“Oh, uh, this is Taco. T-A-C-O, verses my superior T-A-A-K-O.”

“It’s nice to meet you Taco!” Angus said and it took a moment to realize that he was talking to the cat. “I’m Angus. Do you like reading?”

Taco looked at Angus with the driest expression Taako had ever seen in a cat and meowed brokenly. His voice sounded like a broken harmonica.

“Daddy, did you hear that?” Angus said and Kravitz came to look at the cat, too. Taco glared at Kravitz and Kravitz had the sense to look intimated. Taco meowed again, but swayed his way towards Angus, who petted him gently.

“He’s so soft!” Angus said. “Can we get him?”

“We’ll come back to see him tomorrow and decide,” Kravitz said. “It’s very late for you.”

“Aw,” Angus said. “But he’s such a good kitty!”

Good kitty was not anything that Taco had been called before. But he preened under the praise and meowed a B flat at Angus.

“He sure is,” Kravitz said nervously and Taco gave him a sneaky stink eye as Angus petted his back. “We’ll be back as early as we can tomorrow morning.”

“Okay,” Angus said, retracting his hand sadly. “Bye Taco! And- and Mr. Taako!”

“See ya tomorrow morning, kiddo,” Taako said, leading them back out. “You want the paperwork to work on now, Krav.”

Kravitz looked startled at being addressed like that and Taako took even more stratification than normal, because he was a celebrity. Ha. Point one for Taako. Taako opened the door back up and paused upon seeing Lup and Barry giddily whispering down the hall. He shut the door and said,

“Actually, my... cohorts seem to be fans of yours and we could go out the back to piss them off,” Taako said offhandedly. Angus didn’t seem to mind, simply turning on his heel and waving to cat Taco again. Kravitz’s eyes widened comically and hurried to follow Taako with a quick pace.

“You know?” Kravitz said, astonished. “I didn’t think you knew.”

“Oh, I totally knew,” Taako said, lying his ass off. “I just don’t give a fu- I don’t care,” he corrected as he remembered Angus. “I mean, you can’t be as famous as me.”

“As you?” Kravitz said, amused. They reached the backdoor.

“Uh, yeah,” Taako said. “I’m Taako? You know, from TV?”

#taz #taakitz #taako #kravitz #might continue !!#mine #taz november celebration #no editing we die like men #ise cube writing

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rxcusant · 6 years ago

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Lol explain Kingdom hearts to me. Like all of it. Cause I'm confused as fk. Not KH3 tho cause I'm still going through it.

buckle up lads

so theres a buncha keyblade masters called foretellers and theyre all runnin round like headless chickens cause their master disappeared and nobodys telling each other anything so they all start fightin (except this one guy luxu voiced by max mittleman, he grabbed a box and high tailed it outta there) and then it sparks a keyblade war for all the light in kingdom hearts i think ??? and then i legit forget what happens from here because i hate ux with every fiber of my being but it made this cool place called a keyblade graveyard, its pretty dope.

fast forward 1000 years and we got the cool wayfinder trio all living in land of departure about to take their mark of mastery except terra doesnt pass because Mark Hamil Said Darkness Sucks. also we meet this old guy Xehanort he kinda sucks a lot. theres these enemies called unversed rolling around and mark hamil tells aqua and terra to go stop them but ventus said HEY IM COMING TO and ran after terra so aquas left to be the mom to bring them both home idk and its revealed ventus is made of pure light and xehanort literally split the darkness form his heart and it made vanitas-- hes responsible for all the unversed, he sucks, we dont like him but we love him-- in an effort to forge this thing called the X-Blade (PRONOUNCED LIKE KEY BLADE I HATE THIS SERIES) that will open the door to kingdom hearts, and the x-blade can only be made when pure light and darkness clash, and like... restart the keyblade war and bring about balance?? idk. And xehanort wants to live long enough to see this happen so he literally possesses terras body. Cool! Just what the poor guy needed. Ven and vanitas fight and ven sacrifices himself so he goes to take a Very Long Nap and vanitas just dies like the bitch he is. But ven’s heart finds his way to baby 5yo sora who decides HEY ILL HOARD YOU IN MY HEART FOR THE NEXT 11 YEARS and thats why roxas looks like ventus. Aqua yeets him in the land of departure and then like..locks the world up and it turns into castle oblivion. meanwhile terra and aqua punch each other and terras about to fall into a darkness pit but aqua sacrifces heself to get him out and so she ends up trapped there for 11 years and terra??is now terranort and has amnesia and this old dude Ansem The Wise finds him and adopts him and an apprentice. yeah. bet he wont regret that decision ; )

10 years later kh1 happens and sora and riku and kairi are chilling on destiny islands until it explodes and riku fucks off to the darkness and kairi fucks off to soras hearts -- i hope she said hi to ventus in there-- and sora ends up in traverse town where he meets donald and goofy. YOU SEE king mickey of disney castle also fucked off because worlds are disappearing to darkness and he left donald and goofy a note to go find The Key cause thatll help. so they do and they journey around with sora and become good buddies i love the trinity trio so much. eventually they meet riku at hollow bastion again and hes been posssessed by this dude Ansem whos not Ansem the Wise but is actually Xehanort’s Heartless (i hate this fucking series) and they find kairis comatose body chillin in the corner and they have a fight scene thats engraved in the memory of Everyone whos ever played PS2 KH1 KAIRI! KAIRI! OPEN YOUR EYES! ITS NO USE. THAT GIRL HAS LOST HER HEART. SHE CANNOT WAKE UP. oh my god why didnt they add a skip scene button. anyway they punch the possession outta riku and sora stabs himself with the keyblade to release kairis heart BUT it also releases his own heart which created his nobody, Roxas, who got vens heart???who thats why he looks like ven?? and it created namine who is kairis nobody because??i honestly forget i hate this goddamn series. anyway soras a heartless for a few minutes but kairi got her heart and life back and wanted to get some sweet sweet screentime and so she saved sora and restored him Thank you kairi. so sora dumps kairi off at traverse town and goes to give Ansem / Xehanort’s Heartless a good ol ass whopping ad they win and restore the worlds but kairi and sora are separated again I’LL COME BACK TO YOU, I PROMISE! I KNOW YOU WILL! WHEN YOU WALK AWAY YOU DONT HEAR ME SAY PLEAAAAAAASE OH BABYYY DONT GO oh also riku and king mickey and sora closed the door to kingdom hearts and trapped riku and mickey in the realm of darkness, that was a thing.

and then chain of memories happened. theyre in castle oblivion!!! whoa!! we meet the organization for the first time! whoa!!! we meet namine!! whoa!!! so like namine has sora-memory powers and can tinker with his memories and the memories of everyone hes connected to (AND HOLY FUCK IS THAT BOY CONNECTED TO A LOTTA PEOPLE NAMINE IS VERY POWERFUL) and the organization is making namine rewrite soras memories as he progresses throuhg castle oblivion to turn him into marluxias pawn so he cna use sora to like..overhtrow the organization, i think?? i hate this seriees. but it all works out in the end except soras memories are so scrambled he decides to sleep for a year to get all the right ones back. MEANWHILE RIKUS IN THE BASEMENT OF CASTLE OBLIVION and hes fighting his own demons i mean darkness i mean ansem i mean xehanorts heartless and he meet up with mickey a few times and then he meets DiZ and he also meets a replica of himself--yeah by the way the organization is making replicas, That Sure Wont Ever Be Referenced Again : )-- and its this game that rikus like YEAH I CAN USE THE DARKNESS AS POWER AND STRENGTH and HES GONNA WALK THE ROAD TO DAWN and then every riku rper put dawn in their url and i got confused trying to keep them all straight lord please help me im a little ol sammi

then we have 358/2 days for the DS which i never replayed cause it was tedious af which is all about the organization and roxas’s time in the organization and meeting his best buds axel and xion and saix standing in the corner being a jealous little binch PLEASE SAIX JUST BE NICE THEYLL GIVE YOU ICE CREAM TOO IF YOU ASK POLITELY Xion is another replica except shes a replica of sora but something got messed up and she got his memories of kairi which is why she looks like her but with black hair for whatever reason, i think nomura just wanted a cool goth girl to add to the series and we all thank him for it, and she and roxas become so close they kinda start influencing that weird memory shit going on and xion keeps trying to leave the organization to set things right but axel always gets stuck with the icky jobs and we got the iconic GO ON YOU JUST KEEP RUNNIN BUT ILL ALWAYS BE THERE TO BRING YOU BACK and i think around this time roxas is also super fed up with the organization and decides FUCK YALL IM DONE and punches saix and leaves. but xion finds him and they have a cool boss battle sequence got i love you xion you are a POWERHOUSE but roxas defeats her and she dies and its the saddest thing in the world AND NOBODY REMEMBERS HER WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ABOUT!!!! anyway roxas decides hes gonna punch kingdom hearts next cause it was xions last wish but riku, who is sporting a cool blindfold for edge, is like HEY WE NEED YOU TO WAKE UP SORA and roxas is all SORA THIS SORA THAT I DONT GIVE A FUCK and tey fight! and riku loses cause roxas has two keybladees! OBLIVION IS THE BEST KEYBLADE IT LOOKS SUPER COOL I LOVE IT SO MUCH WOW but riku rips off his blindfold and summons the darkness and he takes on ansems, xehanorts heartless, appearance and he squeezes roxas until he passes out and then they yeeted roxas into a data twilight town for a few days.

so enter kh2 with the 6 hours roxas tutorial in the data twilight town until he goes to find sora and returns to him. SO FINALLY AFTER AN ENTIRE YEAR sora wakes up with all his proper memories and so does donald and goofy and theyre like COOL LETS GO FIND RIKU AND KING MICKEY and they go journeying around the worlds again to stop the organization. meanwhile axels gettin desperate to see his best friend for life roxas again and kidnaps kairi but shes like HEY I AINT HAVING THAT and runs off and ends up in twilight town but axel finds her and kidnaps her anyway but then saix kidnaps her to the world that never was. and so soras like WE GOTTA GO SAVE KAIRI AND RIKU NOW cause by the way earlier like midpoint of the game maybe Mickey was like SAY FELLAS DID SOMEONE MENTION THE DOOR TO DARKNESS and its one of my favorite quotes in this hell franchise, so like THYE KNOW KING MICKEY IS OK that just leaves kairi and riku and stopping the organization. so they find kairi and they find riku and sora cries a bit and im just happy the destiny trio is together again. And DiZ showed up again, hes actually ansem the wise, and he talks about computers and hearts and research and xemnas, the organizations leader, is likeI WAS YOUR APPRENTICE! BUT YOU DIDNT LET ME DO ILLEGAL HUMAN EXPERIMENT SON HEARTS SO I KICKED YOU OUT AND RREMOVED MY OWN HEART AND THATS WHY THERES A HEARTLESS AND A NOBODY OF XEHANORT and ansem the wise is like YEAH BITCH and he explodes and riku turns back to normal but he also really needs a haircut. so they go punch xemnas in his zebra coat and riku and sora chill in the realm of darkness for about ten minute son the beach, i guess aqua was hanging out somewhere else, and they get a message form kairi in a bottle and the door to light opens and they go home and it was literally!!!!! a better fucking ending!!!! than kh3!!!!!!!!! thats my tea!!!!!!

so then we have KH3D, dream drop distance, which begins telling us ‘hey when you kill a heartless and a nobody that person is gonna be recompleted so uhhhhh xehanorts coming back Thats Not Good, make sora and riku do their mark of mastery test in the realm of sleep to get the power of waking’ and thats the whole game but its great because flowmotion! dream eaters! TWEWY TWEWY TWEWY T W E W Y!!!!!! playable riku!!! fun worlds!!! soriku!!! except KH3D’s fatal flaw is THEY INTRODUCED TIME TRAVEL INTO THIS FUCKING COMPLEX HELL HOLE I WILL NEVER FORGIVE THEM FOR THAT. anyway rikus been doing a great hecking job!!!! except sora ended up in twtnw and kept chasing the dreams into the deepest pit of slumber and the organization broke his heart so they use him as one of xehanorts vessels [gesutres to my blog with will smith arms] yeeah babey. and riku is understandably like HEY GIVE ME MY FRIEND BACK and xehanort is like FUCK OFF TWINK and mickey and donald and goofy and axel, whos been recompleted as lea, arrive and steal comatose sora back form xehanort and xehanort monologues about the X-Blade split into 20 pieces- 7 of light, 13 of darkness- and so hes gonna make 13 vessels of darkness with his heart inside them and the guardians of light gotta gather 7 lights to clash and bringg about the keyblade war or bring about kingdom hearts, i-- i literally hate this series so much Why do you think i went on a year long hiatus??? i needed to calm the fuck down-- either way xehanort yeets off with his darknesses and soras STILL comatose and rikus like I WILL DIVE INTO HIS SLEEP AND SAVE HIM BECAUSE DEARLY BELOVED IS PLAYING AND if i continue this joke someones bound to get mad at me for ‘’’pushign a soriku agenda’’’ BUT YKNOW WHAT, RIKUS A REAL MVP AND PUNCHES A NIGHTMARE VEN AND SAVES SORA AND SORA HUGS HIM AND ITS GREAT AND I LOVE MY SONS SO MUCH and the kh3d ends with them saying ‘hey look kairis gonna do something!’ but Little Did We Know.

and thats your summary of what the fuck happened in kingdom hearts. i hate this game so much.

#outofxiii #long post #i didnt have to answer this like i did. ive been making a video all day long and im so close to finishing #i could have linked the Good Enough Summary of Kingdom Hearts video and went back to my own project #but no #here i am. i actually went and did this. i hate myself and i hate kingodm hearts #nobody come into my ask like Um Actually [x] Happened because its 2am and i assure you i do not care!!#Anonymous #!questions

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project-zorthania · 6 years ago

Text

15 Questions, 15 Mutuals

I was tagged by the lovely @tsukareta-levi and @laffitine! Thanks guys!

Are you named after someone? Not particularly. To my knowledge I was named spontaneously when I was born.

When was the last time you cried? Maybe just over a month ago I think. Sometimes stress crying is therapeutic.

Do you have kids? Nope! I have two healthy nephews and a beautiful niece though!

Do you use sarcasm a lot? It is humor that is used a lot where I work. So yeah, but I make sure to be quite obvious about it when meeting new people. Not a fan of miscommunicating since i’m an awkward lump of social anxiety.

What’s the first thing you notice about people? It used to be eyes. When I was younger I didn’t shy away from looking at people and really admiring them. Today it’s their voice. I hardly ever really look at people, I’m in my own zone and since I can’t muster up the courage to look at people directly I usually just pick up on the sound and pitch of their vocal cords. I find myself focusing more on developing and lasting impressions rather than first impressions so I don’t really notice much when I meet people at first unless it’s shockingly distinct. I’m trying to get better at it though.

Eye Color? A dark brown often mistaken for black.

Scary movie or Happy Ending? uhhhhh? I think it depends entirely on the movie and it’s context and the buildup and how it’s played out. SOOOOO both?

Any Special Talents? Not particularly? Anything that I can do, anyone else could do with given practice. I guess I just have a nack for making things happen with my hands and anything fine arts related?

Where were you born? Zorthania

What are your hobbies? Writing, composing music, video editing, photography, video games, drawing, cooking, daydreaming until the comet hits the earth.

Do you have any pets? No friends. I’d like a massive pupper one day though. One twice the size of me please.

How tall are you? 5′2... Levi I feel you. It’s a tough world down here.

What sports do you play/have you played? I was never really that active since I was a kid. At most I did a little karate as a child, but I never pursued it actively.

Favorite Subject? Theatre. I was never really that fond of school growing up, theatre ended up being a passion and my escapism to a lot of things.

Dream Job? I don’t know currently. I want to give back to this world what it has given me in some way, but I’m not sure how yet. If I wasn’t financially dependent I’d say a collaborative theatre/dining company where artists can come together and perform interactive plays with their audience whilst enjoying cultural meals. Maybe add a little cultural education into the mix to spread awareness. Does that make sense? I tag the following lovelies to take on these questions if they have the time or are feeling rather telling! @kittyboo8015 @zedsdead1001 @azoth-ein @kufufufufufu @thebritishteapot @shadowgale96 @bayleifprime @sound-it-out @valedeccem @tiffyprior @shinjekinootp @dontworryeruri @sensitive-eruri @fiddlessticcks and anyone else who wants to take on this challenge. Good luck fellas! <3

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otome--gokoro · 8 years ago

Note

Scenario. Modern AU. MC is a National Security and Intelligence adviser. SLBP lords; retainers; side fellas and ninjas reactions and how they would work with her on a high profile risky case, taking into consideration she loves risks.

THIS IS SO COOL. Main lords + 5 ninjas (sorry, Kyoichiro).

Also, disclaimer: I’m not 100% clear on what national security/intelligence advisors actually do, but I’m under the impression that it’s a supervisory position that doesn’t involve much (if any?) legwork.

Nobunaga

Nobunaga is an up-and-coming political party leader who may or may not be trying to set a record for the highest number of death threats received per individual

MC advises him about security issues and safety measures, supervises his security detail

Nobu is confused and a little annoyed that some petite woman is trying to tell him what to do, eventually realises that she does know what she’s talking about, is a lot more interested after that

Tries to ask her out, gets rejected flatly, tries to cop a feel, gets decked

Plays fast and loose with his bodyguards and occasionally does reckless stuff if he feels that the situation calls for it (e.g. stopping to talk to constituents in an unsafe environment while his guards scream internally)

Partially does it so that MC will come and yell at him because she’s cute when she’s angry but he genuinely tries to take (most of) her recommendations seriously

Mitsuhide

Nobunaga’s long-suffering campaign manager and righthand man

Is fully confident in MC’s competence and lowkey turned on by it, has the utmost respect for her

Similarly, MC respects and admires his work ethic and competence

Sometimes they call each other when Nobu is being ultra uncooperative and they’re just like why do we work with him (but actually they both do respect him, he’s just… an asshole such a difficult person sometimes)

Bonding through shared suffering

Hideyoshi

Nobunaga’s second-in-command in the party

Gives excellent speeches, great relationship with fellow politicians and constituents alike

In charge of soothing the hurt feelings Nobu leaves in his wake

MC also handles his security detail but doesn’t see him very often because he is not as reckless as some other people

Tries to flirt with her occasionally because confident, capable women are awesome but she’s just like haha yeah whatever

Inuchiyo

Head of Nobunaga’s bodyguards, reports directly to MC

They go way back, childhood friends who entered the business together

MC specialises in planning, Inuchiyo specialises in executing those plans perfectly, (in)famous for being a killer combo, ready to back each other up at a moment’s notice

MC puts Inuchiyo with Nobunaga because he’s definitely her most troublesome charge

He’s slightly jealous of all those other guys who hit on MC but she always turns them away so at least there’s that

They regularly hang out in MC’s apartment, watching movies and drinking

Mitsunari

Head of Hideyoshi’s bodyguards, only started reporting directly to MC recently

Was brought in by Hideyoshi himself, so MC and Mitsunari are not familiar with each other

Knows MC by her reputation but not super confident in her because he always wants more background info on recent threats and incidents but she tells him it’s classified

Does not get along with Inuchiyo at all, therefore MC is a little untrustworthy by association

A major showdown will come at some point, wait for it

Shingen

Also leader of a political party, Nobunaga’s chief opponent

The first time they meet, he assumes that she’ll go out to dinner with him, is shocked when she’s like sorry I’ve got work to do, please bear my advice in mind, thanks for coming, bye

Constantly hits on MC, to the point where she threatens to put someone else in charge of him

Very impressed by her capabilities and her sharp mind, likes her dedication towards her job

MC secretly wonders how the hell this guy hasn’t had an illegitimate child/sex scandal yet

Sasuke

Shingen’s head bodyguard, reports directly to MC

Laughs at Shingen a lot when he gets shot down by MC

Gets along well with MC, likes her spunkiness and drive to excel

Has zero romantic interest in MC and vice versa (attractive but not each other’s types), they’re more like friendly bros

Yukimura

one of Shingen’s proteges

also under protection because he comes from one of the wealthiest families in the country

doesn’t really think he’s suited for politics but he idolises Shingen and will do his very best no matter what (Shingen thinks this attitude will work well for his constituents)

super impressed by MC to the point where he stutters and makes a fool out of himself constantly

STARS IN HIS EYES

MC’s like uhhhhh okaaaaaaaay.

Saizo

Yukimura’s bodyguard, one of the best in the business, reports to the Sanada family but also in contact with MC

He and MC both know each other by reputation, they circle around each other like wary cats

Intriguing… but alas they’re both very busy people

also he thinks personal life and work life should be kept separate as much as possible (Yukimura objects to this and is like BUT SAIZO WE’RE FRIENDS AREN’T WE? HEY SAIZO ARE YOU LISTENING???)

Kenshin

head of another political party, tentatively allies with Shingen

MC does not work with him, but they have met several times

Thinks she has both beauty and brains, impressed

Asks her out once but is turned down, smiles and gracefully accepts the rejection

Gives her his number and suggests that she call him instead if she ever changes her mind (she appreciates this because the other men just keep badgering her endlessly and it gets annoying)

Masamune

son of the current president

keeps out of the spotlight due to his reclusive personality and blinded eye, dislikes being dragged into politics

polite but slightly distant to MC, never causes any trouble

he appreciates her competence and her straight-to-the-point attitude, follows her advice calmly without arguing

MC wishes more of her charges were like him

Kojuro

Masamune’s personal assistant/manager/nursemaid/whatever-is-required

very, very thankful to MC for treating Masamune like a regular person

Very much enjoys her professionalism

Also thinks she’s gorgeous and wants to ask her out but thinks that professionalism he admires will lead to a straight refusal, decides to wait a bit more and see how things go, smiles at her a lot whenever they meet (which is, sadly for him, not that often)

MC likes the relationship between Kojuro and Masamune, thinks that he’s a very good person and appreciates that there’s clearly mutual care and support between the two

Genya

Masamune’s bodyguard

despairs when he sees MC coming because work is going to become More Troublesome

always badgers Masamune for a pay raise after talking to MC

whines a lot when MC tells him about this or that new threat and the actions he has to take to circumvent it

constantly yelled at by Kojuro for slouching too much and being a bad influence

secretly happy that Masamune is such a homebody because then he gets handsomely paid to just chill and wait around

(is actually good at his job, whining aside)

Ieyasu

MC’s work colleague and equal

they have a (seemingly) polite, long running rivalry

Ieyasu is better at collating and analysing information, MC is better at acting on that information

Constantly trying to one-up each other

No one knows whether that tension between them is purely hate or just sliiiiightly sexual in nature

Sakuya

dependable informant who works with MC

always gives MC reliable, accurate information and trusts that she will take appropriate action

mutual work relationship based on trust and competence

they appreciate each other very much (but they don’t tell each other so), especially given the other people they have worked with

MC was 100% shook when she realised Sakuya and Genya are brothers like wtf how did that even happen I want to ask so badly but I really don’t think I should??

Hanzo

Ieyasu’s spy/informant/minion/honestly no one really knows, not even HR, but he seems to get a paycheque anyway

super amused by Ieyasu’s and MC’s rivalry

never fails to say hi and flirt with MC when he sees her, preferably in Ieyasu’s vicinity

Ieyasu’s just like if you like her so much go work with her instead and Hanzo just smiles and smiles and smiles

MC absolutely knows what he’s up to and eggs him on, lots of smiling, shoulder touching, hair flipping

annoying Ieyasu is their Goal and they will stop at nothing to reach it

Hotaru

MC’s utterly confused intern

tbh he’s not sure why he’s there and she’s not sure who the hell hired him but she really wants to know because she has words for that person

tries to be helpful but just… doesn’t succeed very often…

#slbp #samurai love ballad party #slbp cast #sometimes i write stuff #holy shit this was long

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mindfulwrath · 8 years ago

Text

HTCIC Excerpt: Too Drunk For This

Meesh stepped back from her whiteboard, trembling. She was still drunk, and couldn't quite focus her eyes, but she was absolutely convinced that her calculations backed up her intuition.

There was the Asphaleia, drawn in profile, the long cylinder with the five perpendicular rings. There was Rhodea, a large circle to one side, and Beta Com, far off on the other side of the board. All of the white space was covered in calculations, approach vectors and orbits and statistics. It was conclusive. She let out a slow breath. It didn't settle her at all.

Someone banged on her door. She nearly jumped out of her skin.

"Cameesha?" Sam called from outside. Meesh tottered to the door and opened it. Sam, Emma, and Sasha were standing outside, although Emma was leaning heavily on Sasha to stay upright.

"Come in," said Meesh. "Come on. I'll show you."

She stood aside, and the other three women filed in. Meesh shut the door behind them. She gestured to the board, then went and sank into her chair.

"It's worse than I thought," she said. "It's not a million-to-one chance. It's literally impossible. You can't get a bit of space debris hitting the Number Seven field generator at three in the afternoon. You just can't do it. Rhodea's in the way. I checked, the station's not gone through significant apsidal precession since then. At three in the afternoon, you can't pop the hull on that side with a bit of space debris. It wasn't an accident."

The other three stared at her. Emma lowered herself to the ground and put her head in her hands.

"Fuck," she said. "Oh, fuck." She burst out laughing, manic. "Oh, fuck!"

"I think someone had better get her some water," Meesh said weakly.

"I—yeah, I got it," said Sam. She wandered to Meesh's little bathroom and started hunting about for a cup. Sasha was looking at the whiteboard, her face pinched with distress.

"This is . . . certain?" she said. "You are very certain?"

"Completely," said Meesh. "I mean. I'll check it again in the morning when I'm sober, but . . . yeah. I'm pretty sure."

"So . . . the message," said Sasha. "Which Emma got. The one it said murder. It was . . . for real?"

"No," said Emma. "No. Nope. Nuh-uh. I won't have it. I won't have no goddamn ghosts talking to me. I'll kick a ghost's ass. I'll kick anybody's ass. Shit. Fuck that ghost. That doesn't exist. I'm gonna kick somebody's ass. Fuck 'em. Fuck."

Sam came back and sat down next to Emma, handing her a coffee mug full of water.

"Drink this, hon," she said.

"Fuck you," said Emma, taking the mug from her. "I'll kick your ass too."

"Okay, thanks," said Sam. "Drink your water."

Still grumbling, Emma complied.

"I think it's probably more likely that . . . whoever sent Emma that message figured this out," Meesh said. "Or they've got some other sort of evidence, or knowledge, or something. I don't think it's a ghost, but . . . well, maybe it's not a joke, either."

"But—come on, man," Sam said. "If somebody knew, why wouldn't they've gone to Security? Or Admiral Bhattacharya? Or—or anybody, shit! Why hide it for like, three years, and then—go through all this bullshit?"

"If somebody murders Orion," Sasha said, "maybe whoever knows is scared they will also be murdered. Is not impossible, especially if they do not have good proof. Somebody says something, dies mysteriously before can give—thing, how do you say, eh . . . gobaeg. Jiánzhéng. Shoot, what is—dokazatel'stvo, where is my English?"

"Testimony?" Meesh suggested.

"Yes! Testimony! Maybe someone is afraid they will be also murdered before can give testimony. It happens, many times."

"But why now?" Sam insisted. "Why not before? And—and why Emma? Why us?"

"Maybe they've only just worked it out," said Meesh. "Or something's happened. Or—oh, fuck, or somebody else is on the bloody chopping block."

"Noooooo, nope," said Emma. "Not having any of that shit. Not today."

"You think whoever kills him is still here?" Sasha said, aghast.

"Why not?" said Meesh. "If he was murdered—and, well, it sort of looks like he was—there must've been a reason."

"Okay, all right, no, murder's a little too far," Sam said, holding up a hand. "Okay, we just—we know it wasn't space debris. Right? That's all we know. Maybe it was some other kind of accident, or—or—or something, but no, we can't just jump straight to murder. There's—there's no evidence, of that."

"Right," Meesh said. She rubbed her face with both hands. "Right. Sorry. Got a bit ahead of myself. But—I dunno, I feel like this is important. We ought to tell somebody. It's worth looking into, at least, especially with all the weird shit going on in that field generator. I mean, by your own admission, Sam."

"Yeah," Sam sighed. "But—not right now. When everybody's sober and . . . ideally not hungover, but we might not have that luxury. Or—I don't know, or we might wake up in the morning and go wow, what drunk idiots we were and it'll all just be—drunk idiocy. Y'know, like, fingers fucking crossed."

"Hah haaah, you said finger fucking," Emma said, going red. Meesh made a face.

"Is she all right?" she asked.

"No," said Emma. "No. Fuck this ghost. I'm gonna kick this ghost's ass."

"You said," Meesh assured her. "But—okay, so . . . so what? We all sort of sober up and . . . that's it?"

"Leighton is right," Sasha mumbled. "Should not drink alcohol. Is all trouble."

"It probably doesn't matter," Sam said. "I mean. Admiral Bhattacharya's probably asleep right now, and this—this isn't like, this isn't waking people up important. It's not waking up the admiral important. I mean. So even if we were all sober, like . . . yeah."

"Yeah," said Meesh.

"Fucking ghosts," said Emma.

Meesh woke up in the morning with her mouth full of cotton and her brain full of needles. She groaned, rolling over to bury her face in her pillow. Sam and Emma and Sasha had all left, at some point, although she wasn't completely sure when.

Somehow, she managed to drag herself out of bed and get a cup of water. She sat on her bed, sipping it miserably. Her eye was drawn to the board, still covered in last night's hasty scrawl, numbers and equations. Meesh screwed up her face and looked away. She'd bother with it when she didn't feel quite so much like absolute death.

There was one thing she felt up to doing, however, and she set about it with stolid determination. She got out her communicator and pulled up the entry labeled Florida Man. The ping was answered within a few seconds.

"Howdy do, this's your friendly neighborhood gator-hater, what can I do ya for?"

"Billy," she said, "I hate you."

"Aw shucks, what'd I do?"

"You know what you did."

"I do about a million things a day," he said. "You want me to start guessin'? 'Cause that's a no-go, London Bridge."

"Billy," she said. "The potatoes?"

There was a moment of silence.

"So you had you a fun night, huh!" he exclaimed, clearly amused.

"I'm going to sell you back the second one," said Meesh. "I can't be having that shit lying about. It's dangerous."

"Aw, c'mon, ain't my fault you got potato-sick. That's on you."

"Billy. I'm selling it back to you."

"Well, okey-doke, but I ain't givin' you a full refund," he said.

"You're a monster."

"I'm runnin' a business! C'mooooon, London Bridge, don't go shootin' the messenger."

"Messenger of what, hangovers?"

"Ix-nay on the angovers-hay," Billy said, gritting his teeth. "You wanna get me usted-bay?"

"Maybe," said Meesh.

"Gawd, fine, I'll get you your money back, if it ain't been opened. Fair?"

"Very fair."

"Okay, good. I can do uhhhhh, Wednesday at eight? Pee-em, don't go showin' up at my lab."

"Why not today? Or tomorrow? Or any other time this week?"

"I'm a busy fella, man, c'mon."

"It's Saturday, Billy."

"Shore 'nuff!" he said brightly. "I got a social life, London Bridge, I cain't be doin' business every damn day."

"Fine," Meesh sighed, rolling her eyes. "Wednesday at eight. If we're not all dead from the solar flare."

"Shoot, if we're all dead, I damn sure ain't givin' you a refund. I'm at least gone be rich in Hell."

"You're an inspiration," Meesh said dryly. "So either Wednesday at eight, or I'll see you in Hell."

"You got it," said Billy. "Ya done bustin' my butt?"

"For now."

"Okey-doke. See ya Wednesday and-or in Hell, London Bridge."

"Bye, Billy."

She hung up, then heaved a long sigh. She rubbed her face. She looked at the whiteboard again.

"Right," she muttered. "Can't be doing this on an empty stomach."

With that, she heaved herself to her feet and shuffled off to find something she could stomach.

#HTCIC #original writing #ocs #meesh #alcohol /

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lafortis · 6 years ago

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⭐️hey nice job. what’s the book recommendation you’ve posted about a couple times lately?

thanks virtual gym buddy, it’s thanks to you :3.

i’m. glad you asked. :DDDD

it’s R. Scott Bakker’s The Darkness That Comes Before, the first book in his Prince of Nothing trilogy. it’s about uhhhhh... it’s complicated. but basically it’s like. the main character is a hybrid of batman, sherlock holmes and a supercomputer. he goes out into a fantasy world after his people spent 2000 years in seclusion, brought on by a giant fuckoff apocalypse that destroyed this world’s version of the roman/greek empires. the rest of society has carried on and the hub of humanity is sort of meditteranean, indian, persian ish? other main characters include the biggest toughest barbarian, who comes from essentially a scythian type culture? a prostitute who lives in what is essentially the vatican i guess. and a wizard spy who is part of a sect of wizards whose life mission is to uhh prevent another apocalypse basically? basically there’s like. weird fuck aliens. who want to murder everyone on earth. cus uhh then they won’t go to hell. becauuuuse...

“There are no crimes,” he mumbled afterward, “when no one is left alive.”

so basically yeah! uhh there’s an ancient conspiracy to bring about the apocalypse but for real this time, the wizard spy guy is spying and tryna stop it, except no one respects him or his other wizard friends cus no one has seen the evil fuck aliens in like 300 years. there’s a new pope who is oddly good at everything, he’s gonna call a holy war on the muslims basically cus they control jerusalem. everyone listed above kinda worms their way into the holy war one way or another, and then it’s basically a speedrun of the first crusade.

it’s uhhhh COMPLICATED and HARD TO EXPLAIN so sorry if that does not sound very appealing. i have yet to really perfect the pitch of it (to be fair neither has the fucking author or his publishers marketing team lmao they don’t know what to do with it). another way to pitch it is basically a realllllly dark high fantasy world, with some lord of the rings influence, with the twist that there’s objective morality. the author’s stated intent on making it was to make a fantasy world religion influenced by like old testament and old hindu morality, where like if you fuck up you’re just damned no take backsies. so this is that, and everything kinda stems from that. he’s i think a philosophy phd dropout, with a sharp interest in neuroscience, and it’s also kinda about his philosophy, which can kinda be summed up as neuro-skepticism? where he thinks that the further neuroscience advances the more we’ll realize that motivation comes from nothing, that man’s search for meaning will end in the realization that meaning was a useful evolutionary tool. that also plays a really big roll: the title refers to what the main characters cult thing refers to motivation as, i.e. the “darkness that comes before” the self, the place they can’t understand where their decisions etc. stem from, i.e. their soul, which they’ve made their life mission to understand and therefore comprehend the absolute. the stuff about there being no crimes when no one is alive is also a neat philosophy thing, which i don’t necessarily understand fully but it’s part of the metaphysics of the universe too

IF YOU CAN’T TELL I HAVE A LOT TO SAY ABOUT THIS FUCKING BOOOK. as unappealing as i may have made it sound, it’s my favourite fucking book/series and it’s hardly close. i’m hoping to meet the man himself soon, i missed the last fan meetup a year or two ago. i fuckin moderate the subreddit for it cus i started a reread/first time read discussion thread for it. it’s just. so nuanced and complex and intelligent and heartwrenching at times and kicks so much ass at times

NOW. uhh. fair warning. the content even when it’s not requiring a trigger warning is somewhat really dark. in Those Scenes it really need a TW attached. there’s uhhh. r*pe. a lot. as drama, in war, by creepy aliens, by one of the main characters (the barbarian). the reason i still like the series as much as i do is because i know bakker knows what he’s doing when he does it; he’s not putting it in for fun or to get off to it like some fantasy writers i could mention, it’s an intentional horrible morass of evil shit (i think he also said it was intentionally to alienate his more progressive readers, make them go “holy fucking shit”, that type of thing. not cus he hates them but just cus sorta sympathizing too much with any particular character or liking the world too much really doesn’t go along with the themes lmao). i was real suspicious he would end up being a fucking terry goodkind type of fella (there i mentioned his name) cus there’s like a fifty fifty when you read this type of book. like several main characters are obvious power fantasies for a while for instance. but no he knows for sure what he’s doing.

that tangent aside, yeah, consider there being every content warning you can easily imagine being on this book. if any of that sort of thing triggers you or anything you should probably avoid. if it doesn’t it’ll still squick you out to be entirely fucking honest, but you can probably make it thru

i guess that’s another thing i like about it, it’s part horror. also part lovecraftian metaphysical horror but it’s reeeeeeeaaaaally subtle. like just barely there except for one recurring part in the second series and one specific part in book five or six. so YEAH.

i guess the best recommendation would be “if you liked game of thrones” maybe? that’s the best cultural touchstone, but it’s not that similar. just in the sense that they both are dark and serve as deconstructions of a lot of standard tolkienian fantasy tropes.

ANYWAY YEAH! that’s my spiel. i impart you all with that recommendation and the ability to infer my reddit username if you so choose i guess

#high school anon #star emoji anon #this went way longer than i expected #anyone who wants to get into this series #lemme know #i know a guy #who am i kidding i am the guy #also i'll link u the readthrough so u can get other first time readers discussion/reactions #Anonymous

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n4lentertainmentltd · 6 years ago

Text

Chapter IV

1 City, Many Fallbacks, Unnecessary Rush

“Shit you never know with him bro.” Young replied.

Just as they were talking they all got a notification of a text on their phone.

Recipients: BrisQuo, Russ, Young

Theo: Fuck yall niggas. All yall some ho ass niggas. Y’all just gonna leave me? Bitch ass niggas. My granny bringing me anyway. Don’t say shit to me when you see me.

None of them knew what to expect from him when they saw him, but they didn’t care. They needed to get to Orientation. They couldn’t wait all day on him. Besides, he had found a way there anyhow. He’d be aight.

The first time Young met Russ, he thought he was funny; he didn’t talk funny or walk funny. He was just a nice guy. Super nice. The nicest guy Young had ever met before. He was the kind of guy you did something wrong to, and he would end up apologizing for it. He had a kind soul.

Russ was closer to Young’s height. He was about 6’3”, dark skinned, built from his years of playing high school defensive end and tennis, and he had one dimple on the left side of his face that he often flashed at any chick willing to give a glance. Young did not know at that time, but they were going to end up being best-friends. Inseparable.

Text Messages

F: Angelica

T: Young

Angelica: Hey babe what’s up? I haven’t heard from you since you got off last night.

Young: Sorry babe. I got off at like 1 then came home and packed for Orientation.

Angelica: Its okay I understand. I was sleep anyway. Are y’all in Austin yet?

Young: Naw not yet. I almost didn’t respond to your text.

Angelica: What?! Why not?

Young: I thought you were Theo! We left his ass in Dallas and he been talking shit ever since.

Angelica: Ugh. That sounds just like that nigga. He so angry to be so light-skinned.

Young: Exactly! Lmao

Angelica: I’m so proud of you baby. I know you are going to do great things. Try not to forget me along the way.

Young: Never.

Everyone can’t be as lucky as Young to have known love at such a young age. The moment his eyes rested on Angelica he knew she would be his. They went from acquaintances (she did not care for him at first), to friends, to bestfriends, and then there was the kiss that started it all. They both knew when their lips touched on that day things would never be the same.

Every time she giggled.

Every time she batted those big beautiful brown eyes.

Every.

Single.

Time.

He was powerless.

Angelica and Young started dating the summer of his senior year before he headed off to college. They figured his school was close by since it was only a 3-hour drive. They agreed he would come home on the weekends and the two of them would be just fine. Everything seemed like it would work out.

She expected to still be treated like and to feel like his Queen. He intended to give her just that...

After 3 hours on the road and talking extensively about what it would be like when they saw Theo, they finally arrived on campus. When they arrived, there were Student Guides all over the campus, dressed in official school colors with the mascot displayed proudly across their chests’. They were all pretty much giving the same speech.

“Hello! Welcome to the University. We’re so happy to see you.”

BrisQuo rolled up to the Student Guide standing closest to the car on the nearby street corner. After the initial speech mentioned above, the Student Guide said, “Please go to the annex to pick up your agenda and keys. If y’all need anything feel free to give me a holler.”

“When do we have to pay by?” Russ asked as he pressed the automatic window button down so the Student Guide could see through the tint.

“Great question! You have until the end of the Orientation to pay your fee. That will be 250.00. Cash, check, and all major credit cards are accepted.”

“Oh ok. Thank you.” Russ responded as he rolled the window back up.

They parked at the annex then everyone got out and did their long car ride stretches and yawns. Young was surprised Russ hadn’t paid for Orientation yet. He had a job and was sensible with his money.

“Russ?” Young said.

“What’s good bro?” He replied.

“Why haven’t you paid yet?”

“Nigga I ain’t paying for this shit. 250 bucks for something they made mandatory? Naw nigga. I aint paying a dime. I��mma just do whatever y’all do and tell them to write me down as present.” He said as he wrote an imaginary check in the air.

Young definitely felt where he was coming from. Since it was mandatory, Young felt the exact same way as him.

Why do I have to pay for something I am being forced to do?

Russ’ plan was ingenious.

“So where you gonna stay?” BrisQuo asked.

“I’m staying in y’all room.” Russ replied.

“Bro its only two beds in there.” Young said. “How you gonna manage to do that?”

“Yeah nigga! And you always snore loud than a bitch. Nigga you wasn’t gonna tell us you was staying?” BrisQuo interjected.

“I’ll be fine on the floor. I’ll make a pallet on the floor AND BrisQuo leave me, and my snoring, out of this. You know I gotta condition!”

When they got to the annex, the line had already extended out past the front door. Everyone and they Mama was at Orientation. Each Orientation was held for incoming students. 6 or 7 generally were held throughout the summer, depending on the number of incoming freshman. They decided to go to the 4th one because that one worked best with each of their work schedules.

The annex was huge. The building had high ceilings; lots of windows, and people were packed in like sardines. It was a hot day outside, in the 100’s once again. The air was being blasted full power but that didn’t matter. It was too hot and too many bodies in that one building.

When they walked in they got in line behind the other people waiting for keys and agendas.

“Hey Young?” BrisQuo said in a low whisper.

“Yeah what’s up?” He replied.

“Don’t that look like them Niggas from that dinner that was sitting with them bad chicks?”

“What y’all talking about?” Russ asked.

“Shhhhh Nigga damn!” BrisQuo said in an excited utterance. “Look.” BrisQuo said as he nodded his head in the semi-familiar crowds general direction.

“Yeah I think that is them.” Russ whispered. “What y’all tryna do?”

“What you mean what we tryna do? I’m tryna get these keys so I can go lay down. They not flexing on us so we shouldn’t flex on them.” Young said sounding irritated.

“Relax nigga. We just got here so we don’t have no time to be making enemies. Trust though, if we see them acting weird out in public we gonna handle that.” BrisQuo said triumphantly.

“Hell yeah.” Russ replied bouncing his shoulders and rubbing his hands together like was putting on too much hand sanitizer on.

You could tell the University prepared for the event because it took them less than 30 minutes to get to the front of the line. When they got to the front, none of them could believe who was up there waiting to get a roommate. Young recognized that voice from over a thousand Chick & Strip drive-thru orders...

“Which one of these guys is your roomie?” The student helper asked Theo.

“Shit not these niggas.” Theo shot back. He wouldn’t even look at them when he said it he just waved in their general direction.

The student helper looked at Theo with a puzzled expression on her face.

“So wait, you aren’t with these guys?”

“Naw man. I don’t know them. They don’t know me. This my roommate right here. This guy right here. Uhhhhh, what’s your name?” Theo asked as he wrapped his arm around the stranger’s shoulder.

It was clear that Theo just grabbed the closest person to him that wasn’t one of the fellas he was supposed to ride with. The kid he grabbed was a small white guy with plaid shorts, a white tee, and flip-flops. He looked absolutely terrified when Theo touched him. The guy could tell Theo looked angry though and didn’t want to get on his bad side.

“My name is Tommy.” The stranger mumbled.

“Is this gentleman really your roommate?” the student assistant asked.

The guy looked at the Dallas Troop. Then looked at Theo. Then looked back to the woman. Then gave everyone a once over one more time, and finally replied, “Yeah. This is my roommate.”

“Here are your keys. Here are your agendas.” The woman said as she handed them their items. “If you need anything or have any questions feel free to ask myself or any of the other student assistants.” Theo and Tommy thanked her for her help and then walked off together rolling their luggage behind them.

BrisQuo and Young were next up. Russ, sensing it would be awkward when he was the only one not getting a agenda and key, got ghost until they came out. He was leaning on a pillar outside texting when BrisQuo, Soulful, and Young walked out of the building.

#BrisQuo #BrisQuoSays #young #seventeen #Angelica #Chucky

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spiderfan22 · 8 years ago

Text

DAY TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY-ONE - 6/11/17

“FLIP-FLOPPER (ABANDONED)” by DJS

Hello. So here’s a little story all about how I totally gave up on a short play I was writing. The proof is what follows. In short, I started with a very small idea: the fact that I, personally, hate flip-flips. (Sorry to any flip-flop lovers or even just wearers out there, but it’s true, I do.) I decided to take that idea and run with it. But over the course of the few days I’ve been working on this play, I’ve grown increasingly bored with the outcome. So I made the executive decision (the executive board consisting of me, myself, and eye-yi-yi) to put this sucker out of its misery. But I didn’t want to leave the story unresolved either, so enjoy the tacked on ending wherein the main character tries to kill himself, fails, and then there is a dance party.

I know.

A hotel room in a tropical locale. Probably Hawaii.

In shambles. Leftover room service, overflowing suitcase, soiled towels, etc.

But most peculiarly, hundreds of pairs of flipflops--different colors and sizes, but the same basic Old Navy model—hundreds of flip flops, ALL MUTILATED in some fashion. Cut up or ripped apart. Obviously the work of a psychotic.

Late afternoon. Sound of ocean and beach-goers not far off, below.

At first glance the room appears empty. But the door to the balcony is open, and a second later a young man backs into the room--shirtless, deeply tanned, in faded cutoff jeans—slowly lowering a pair of binoculars from his eyes.

Meet TONY.

He stops, clutching the binoculars, lost in a trance for a moment.

Then Tony goes quickly into the bathroom. We can hear him peeing loudly into the toilet. He reemerges (not washing his hands), grabs a stray chicken strip from a plate, and proceeds suck on it like a lolly pop.

He sits at the foot of the bed. He takes up a pair of pinking shears and an “unmolested” flipflop. Then with a delicate, studied precision, he snips off the toe-end of the shoe.

Followed by the heel.

Then the bands that keep the flipflop on your foot.

Snip, snip, snip. Quite happily. Relishing every cut.

Then he savagely goes to town, taking apart the rest of the shoe in a matter of seconds, Tasmanian Devil-style.

By the end he’s breathing heavy. On the verge of delirium. Likely aroused.

The phone in the room rings.

Tony freezes. He listens to the phone ring seven times. Then it stops.

He looks at the remains of the flipflop he’s holding, fixated. Then he nonchalantly tosses it over his shoulder.

Tony is about to start on another flipflop when his mobile phone (plugged into the wall by the TV) sounds an alarm. He inhales sharply, exasperated. The alarm continues to chime, until he gets up and swipes it off.

He brings up his contacts and presses a number. Spits out the chicken strip (if he hasn’t already). Waits.

The line picks up.

TONY “Mom”?

Yeah, I’m just checking in.

Because I said I would – no reason. Because you made me promise – same time, every day.

Of course it’s inconvenient. I’m working. But it was your rule you forced down my throat. I agreed to it just so I might have some semblance of control, or to even the playing field just a little in this relationship – if you can call it that. It’s so one sided – lopsided.

No, that’s not up for debate, “Mom”.

Because it’s the way it is. It’s true, that’s why. Ask anyone.

No, not Jim. Not one of your cohorts, your little cronies – but an outside, unaffiliated, like objective hopefully, so they can see their way to view the situation with the necessary distance and not for an opinion just based on what you can do for them or what you did do for them, but unbiased. Non-biased.

Well I don’t think that’s too much to ask and I don’t think I’m going overboard or it’s “making a mountain out of a mole hill.” That’s a stupid expression anyway, I just want to tell you so maybe you stop using it in the future.

What?

Yeah, the project’s going well. A lot of movement – we’re making a lot of headway. I mean, it was slow going at first but now things are really starting to pick up stream.

Steam. Steam.

Stop it, you know I meant steam.

No.

No, and stop asking.

Because you know I can’t tell you my location.

Because it’s an experiment and that’s called an outside variable and you could ruin – you could spoil the whole outcome.

My hypothesis, “Mom” – which so far, if you must know, has been right on track, thank you very much. I’ve been right on the money. I mean if you saw the results I was getting…

Well, you’d be impressed. This is revolutionary, this could change the whole field.

No I’m not seeing anyone. What kind of question is that?

No I haven’t met a “nice girl” – that’s not my purpose. That’s not my purpose here.

Because – at this point? At this point in proceedings – it would just be a distraction. And my focus must be laser – like a laser, laser-focused. Laser………….

Sharp, yes. Now I must go. I must be getting off the phone. Lots of intensive – real work to do. Yet to go.

OK, love you too.

No I love you more.

Love you more.

No I love you more.

I love you more.

Love you more.

No I love you more.

LoveyoumoreGoodnight”Mom”.

Tony ends the call. Tosses the phone on the bed.

He takes up the pinking shears again. He snips at the air in small, quick, delicate movements.

He looks for the TV remote. But after a good deal of searching around the room, under the detritus, can’t find it.

He sniffs his armpit. Recoils from the smell. He thinks about taking a shower and goes looking for a clean towel. There are none, so he chooses the cleanest towel he can find.

He is about to step out of his shorts when there is a knock at the door.

Tony stops, quickly pulls up his shorts.

More knocking.

CONCIERGE, off Excuse me, Mr. Reynolds, sir? This is the hotel concierge. I don’t mean to trouble you. If I could just have a minute of your time, please, then I’ll be out of your hair. Hate to disturb you, sir, just be a minute.

Tony stays quiet. More knocking.

Mr. Reynolds? Uhhhh, anybody home? Again, I hate to trouble you, just have a small matter to discuss. Then, like I said, I’ll leave you be. However, it is quite urgent and, well, I’d hate to bring in hotel security on a thing like this. Really prefer to solve the problem just between ourselves. Simpler that way. I’m sure you feel the same, keep things easy, light.

TONY ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

CONCIERGE, off Mr. Reynolds??

TONY ummmmmm Just a minute! Uno momento!

Tony frantically moves about the room trying to hide all the flipflops and pieces of flipflop that he can. He shoves pieces under the bed, into the suitcase, in the closet, in the bathroom, anywhere, so not a vestige of flipflop remains in sight. At the same time, he keeps calling out “Uno momento! Just a minute!” over and over again.

The concierge continues knocking and he raises his voice.

CONCIERGE, off Mr. Reynolds, I’m not sure what’s going on here, though I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of this and if you would just open the door we’ll clear up any misunderstandings. But I must insist, you see, as much as I would like to let us both go about our business and call it a day, that this is my job – well, I’m sure you understand being a working man yourself – and while we may not enjoy every aspect of our jobs to the same degree, what’s expected of us, of how we conduct ourselves, doesn’t change. It can’t change, otherwise there’d be chaos. Or not full-fledged chaos, not looting in the streets, but just general disorder – and so I guess if we could avoid that, I’d greatly appreciate, like I said, you opening the door, so we can sort this all out. Now how does that sound? Sound good?

At that moment, immediately after the concierge has finished this speech, Tony opens the door.

The concierge stands on the threshold, surprise dissolving to an awkward smile.

CONCIERGE Thank you, sir. Mr. Reynolds, sir.

TONY Oh, yeah, no problem –

CONCIERGE Thank you for opening the door, sir.

TONY You’re uhhhhhh, welcome, yeah.

CONCIERGE Straighten this up right away –

TONY What?

CONCIERGE Pardon, sir?

TONY Straighten – I’m sorry – you said “straighten this up,” “straighten this up right away,” but what like – I mean, I mean, what would need straightening? Because I’ve just been in my room. I mean I went down to the beach for a little bit, I’m not gonna lie – but the sun, I don’t – I don’t think it’s agreeing with me so much. Kind of disappointing if you must know. I booked this trip –

CONCIERGE Yes, thank you, sir, we can talk about all that, but first would you mind if I stepped in the room.

TONY Inside? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

CONCIERGE No reason to be alarmed, sir.

TONY Yeah. No, of course not, it’s just – I’m in the middle of something kinda here, and –

CONCIERGE Two minutes, sir.

TONY Two minutes? Two minutes what and you’re outta here? You’ll leave? Not that, you know, not that that’s uhhhhh –

CONCIERGE Two minutes is all I need.

TONY For?

CONCIERGE For?

TONY Yeah, what for? Two minutes for what?

CONCIERGE Well, to clear up a matter.

TONY Clear up?

CONCIERGE I promise, a few questions and I’m out of your hair.

TONY You said that already.

CONCIERGE Well, I meant it. Sir.

TONY Uhhh, uhhhhhh. Yeah. OK. Come on. Come on in, I guess.

He steps back, allowing the concierge to enter the room.

Sorry about the, you know, the state of things –

CONCIERGE No problem, sir.

TONY - as they are. Or aren’t. I’m usually much better if you can believe it.

CONCIERGE No doubt, Mr. Reynolds.

TONY Tony. It’s Tony. You can call me Tony – if you want. If you don’t want, it’s fine too. Ummmmmmmmmm

The concierge takes a position as close to the center of the room as possible. During the following, he does a slow 180, scanning half the room top to bottom. Then turns and scans the other half. All as inconspicuously as possible.

So what can I – what I can help you fellas with? You said you had a few questions for me? Though I can’t imagine the subject matter.

CONCIERGE Yes, sir.

TONY Now please, I’ve told you, please call me Tony. It’s what I would prefer and, well, you know what they say –

CONCIERGE No, what do they say, sir?

TONY I was getting to that. About the customer –

CONCIERGE The customer, sir?

TONY Tony, please, for the last time. Jesus…

CONCIERGE Apologies, sir.

TONY So is this – uhhh. Was there a problem with my credit card or something? I mean is that it, is that all? Because I can give you another one, no problem. Truthfully, I wasn’t sure of the limit on the Visa I had you put down. That’s my fault. If you need a new card, just ask. Because you know I should have gone with the American Express now that I think about it. Crazy limit – way too much, more than I would ever, could ever charge. I don’t even know why they approved me for such an amount. Not that my credit’s not bad or anything, it’s actually on the high end of – of the scale.

Tony watches the concierge, waiting for him to respond. Nothing.

So is that it, is that what?

CONCIERGE Is what what, sir?

TONY Why you’re – why you needed to talk to me.

CONCIERGE I’m afraid not, sir.

TONY (small) Boy I wish you’d call me Tony.

CONCIERGE No, the matter I came here to discuss was a complaint.

TONY But I didn’t lodge any.

CONCIERGE I know that. Not you, sir. Another guest.

TONY What? Who?

CONCIERGE Well, you understand we like to keep these things anonymous, sort out one end, then the other – to avoid any contention.

TONY Oh. So is uhhhh – so is this complaint – it’s not – I mean, it’s not like it’s against muh-muh – me, is it? Because I don’t see where it could be. Because I’ve pretty much stuck to my room, as I’ve told you, since checking in. Had very few encounters, if any, with other guests. I guess I just don’t see how. And if anyone was complaining about me, they would very well, most likely be a liar. Because I’ve mostly stayed to my room. I don’t like the sun, you see. A little sun goes a long way with me. I burn – I burn so easily, doesn’t matter the SPF, I can lather myself and it – the rays still get through somehow. So best to avoid altogether is, uhhh, is my general policy.

CONCIERGE So you weren’t down by the pool yesterday afternoon?

TONY yesterday? What time yesterday? Uhhh, no. No. I think I was taking a nap.

CONCIERGE Around 2pm.

TONY No, no. I was up here – in my room, uhhh, umm – resting. Yes.

CONCIERGE At 2pm.

TONY Or thereabouts, yeah. Yeahh, uhhhhhh

CONCIERGE Because we have a report –

TONY A what?

CONCIERGE A report, sir.

TONY But I thought you said you had a complaint.

CONCIERGE They’re one and the same, sir, the report was a complaint.

TONY The report was the complaint?

CONCIERGE Yes, sir.

TONY And this report was about me?

CONCIERGE That’s what I’m trying to get to the bottom of, sir. Of course, we’d like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt –

TONY Why don’t you just do that then? Why don’t you just go with that and we can – we can put the matter behind us? Because I really don’t think we’re gonna get anywhere with this line of questions.

CONCIERGE You didn’t go down to the pool yesterday afternoon?

TONY Uhhhh, not at 2pm.

CONCIERGE So, are you saying you went down to the pool at a different time?

TONY Uhhhhh. Well, I mean – yes. Yes. I was there a bit earlier, closer to one forty-five.

CONCIERGE 1:45?

TONY Yes. So you see it couldn’t have been me, whoever this complaint was about, because while I might have been down at the pool –

CONCIERGE You just said you were.

TONY - I was, but – as I pointed out, at an earlier time.

CONCIERGE Fifteen minutes.

TONY So the timeline – your timeline – it doesn’t – I mean it doesn’t work out anymore. Does it? It’s just off now. It couldn’t be me. The person you – the person the complaint’s, the report’s – which I’m still confused over because those things seem like they should be different, be separate – the person it’s – whatever it is – is about.

CONCIERGE A guest of the resort is claiming he saw you take his –

TONY PLEASE! NO MORE! I CAN’T TAKE IT! I GIVE UP! IT WAS ME, I STOLE THOSE SHOES! BECAUSE I HATE, I HATE, I HATE FLIP-FLOPS!!!!!! AND THIS IS WHAT I DO TO THEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Tony throws open the closet – the bathroom – pulls flipflops out from under the bed, everywhere he’s stashed them – until the room is brimming with flipflops once more.

The concierge’s reaction is huge!

Then, before a word can be said, Tony rushes to the balcony and flings himself off the side. Concierge rushes after him. Looks down.

A couple seconds. Then we hear a small splash below.

The concierge walks downstage and addresses the audience directly, in a dopey Southerner Gomer Pyle voice:

CONCIERGE He landed in the pool.

Pause.

Music kicks in. Daft Punk’s “Get Lucky” featuring Pharrell Williams.

The concierge starts to dance in a really cool, idiosyncratic fashion.

Soon, he is joined by Tony, who comes back through the hotel room door, soaking wet.

They dance to the music. The audience is encouraged to get up and join them.

THE END

#short play #abandoned #flipflops #sometimes it's okay to give up #daft punk

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