#but yeah the year has just been kinda mid - lots of good/fun/interesting stuff but few things that really stood out very much. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pekorosu · 4 years ago

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just a lil “if ash lived” headcanon that i need to unload somewhere bc i've been holding it in for a long time

- set within the manga ‘verse

- takes place when ash and eiji are in their early 30s... so around the mid 1990s?

- i don’t get the weird animanga trope where older = longer hair, so they’re gonna look the same... maybe with slightly shorter hair bc they get regular haircuts now

- (note: i've always interpreted long-haired eiji as symbolic of the fact that he couldn't move on from ash’s death)

- ash and eiji will continue living in the states, idk if still in NYC or somewhere else. they’ll move around a lot though.

- ash will mostly remain underground as he had to fake his death after lao’s stab, but he does it in a "hiding in plain sight" kind of way. only a handful of people know he’s still alive.

- ash spends most of his time on the computer, mostly coding, hacking, being a nerd, among other fun stuff.

- he also takes on “jobs” anonymously, and occasionally from max (who’s still into investigative journalism) when he needs info that can only be obtained through Dubious Means.

- i also like to think that ash's a bit of a hacker robin hood lol. but he isn’t doing it purely out of the goodness of his heart, as part of it is a subconscious need to atone for his “sins” and cleanse the gnawing and persistent feeling of shame that gets amplified when he’s around eiji.

- also whatever he’s up to these days would ofc still be Highly Dangerous and Illegal, but it keeps him busy and would sate the part of him that’s still hungry for adrenaline without him having to engage in stuff like active bloodshed or substance abuse. basically that’s how i imagine he’d try to cope with life the only way he knows.

- eiji continues to do photography and other part time gigs bc he does not like the idea of mooching off ash forever, and he slowly makes a name for himself.

- ash and eiji live together but they are NOT together in a romantic sense... not yet >:)

- therefore eiji will probably date other people in the meantime, which gets a little troublesome bc it's not like he can bring them home to where his secret Very Important Friend is secretly hiding.

- ash will maybe have one-night stands every now and then. or not. idk. this isn’t a very important detail.

- anyway there will be lots of clueless but mutual pining :)

- ash especially, is of the opinion that they should start living separately bc someone will eventually track him down, maybe someone who has a past or present grudge on him. combined with his current activities, it’s only a matter of time before eiji would unwittingly get dragged into his problems again.

- eiji is v adamantly against that plan bc he's sorta developed a debilitating sense of paranoia that ash might just get killed somewhere while he’s not looking. not that ash isn’t paranoid either, but his insecurities often tip the scale over to “eiji is safer away from me” than “with me”.

- basically they’re doing their whole “stay. no, leave. no, stay” dance all over again, but like, dragged out over MANY YEARS.

- you thought eiji’s letter would’ve cleared up any crossed wires?

- HELL NO

- like yea, there was probably a beautiful honeymoon period of about a year or two after they reunited, before their respective trauma and issues started creeping in and fucking things up again.

- esp on ash’s end, i think he’d engage in a lot of self-sabotage. and eiji is only human, he has his own limits and baggage too.

- there will be a government conspiracy plotline but on a smaller scale compared to canon that i am unfortunately not knowledgeable enough to worldbuild on, but it will probably have something to do with cybercrime/cyberterrorism/stuff like that bc it needs to tie in with ash's hacking shenanigans.

- i've heard that sing ends up becoming some sorta political big shot in yasha? idk, i haven't read it myself, but since china’s rising status was mentioned in GoL i imagine the plot should relate to that somehow.

- therefore sing would also get to be in this story!

- i guess this means yut-lung would come into the picture at some point as well, and it would be a good opportunity for a redemption arc but i haven’t given it much of a thought bc i’m indifferent to his character orz SORRY.

- look i can’t do plot, but i am basically envisioning a political thriller with a side of slow burn romance (wait, you mean like a rehash of canon?)

- i’m thinking max is the one who kicks off the story by bringing something fishy to ash, and they just end up uncovering more and more and MORE stuff as they keep going.

- so for like 80% of the story, ash and eiji will be separated bc ash will be busy spying or infiltrating something... and being at the center of Plot Things, while max and eiji will be more on the outside dealing with the journalist side of things. i’m fond of max-ash interactions but i’m also REALLY CURIOUS about max-eiji’s dynamic :D

- meanwhile sing will be like, half in and half out i imagine. he's versatile like that lol

- ...i did NOT mean that in a dirty way

- anyway, this will provide ash and eiji ample space to work out their issues separately, as i think living in close quarters for so many years has actually been aggravating them. ofc those issues don’t get 100% resolved by the end, but some time apart from each other to cool off and spend with other people should provide a bit of perspective.

- i want ash to make some NEW FRIENDS (!!!) that are on the same wavelength as him bc there’s only so much that he can tell eiji and i’m sure he gets rather lonely, so there will be OCs that he will meet in the middle of Plot Things.

- ash will get trapped at some point. preferably with sing so they can have a much needed heart-to-heart talk. they’ll have a lot to hash out, ranging from the events in BF, shorter’s and lao’s death, all the way to ash’s love life.

- btw i like the idea of eiji and sing being close drinking buddies who confide in one another but ash is kinda, justalittle, not very happy about that LOL

- i mean, it's not like eiji can confide in ash when ash is the topic at hand, ya get me? as for sing, he’s similar to ash in the sense that they live dangerous lives, so i imagine he just finds it nice to be able to hang out with someone mundane like eiji every now and then.

- not to say that ash and sing aren’t talking to each other at all, but i think they’d have a bit of a rift between them. sing probably does feel some resentment, both at ash for killing lao AND at himself bc he knows deep down that given a choice, he would’ve saved ash over his own brother. ash can sense that tortured vibe, so eiji’s like their middle man. AND THAT’S WHY THEY NEED A HEART-TO-HEART TALK

- (SIDE NOTE: i want akira to have a role in this too. i actually have a separate headcanon that happens prior to this story... kinda like an alternate GoL?

akira goes to the states to visit eiji, but ash is also there, yeah? akira and ash start out sorta prickly with each other bc ash is all weird and standoffish and always cooped up in his room. she probably mistook him as a jobless model mooching off eiji at first since 1) eiji and ibe have never spoken about him back in japan (cuz he’s supposed to be dead), 2) why would eiji be living with some random hot guy? unless they met during one of his photography gigs? right???

and then she ends up witnessing them in the middle of a tiff, which makes her not like ash even more bc HOW DARE HE YELL AT POOR OKUMURA-SAN??? UNGRATEFUL JERK!!!

but over the course of her visit, she snoops around learns a bit about their history and gathers hints as to why their r’ship is kinda strained. also ash and akira somehow end up bonding (reluctantly) over their emotional insecurities and part on a friendly rivalry to win over eiji’s affections (which eiji is completely oblivious to. also akira may have been 100% serious but ash was just jokingly playing along with her (OR WAS HE???)). anyway long story short, ash teaches akira some cool tech/IT stuff along the way so that leads to her gaining an interest in the field.

she won’t be able to do much in this story, but a minor role would be cool :)

^ a lighthearted gyoza-making scene amid all the angst)

- (SIDE NOTE #2: i ALSO want cain to feature in this, but bc canon provided very little bg info on him it’s hard for me to figure out where he’d fit. but i suppose that’s precisely why it would be great to include him, since i can just make up my own backstory! lol. for now, i think he should be connected to one of the new OCs to make him more central to the plot. or heck, he can be involved himself! ...yeah, i’m just salty about how cain was treated more like a convenient plot device compared to the other major side characters. we barely know anything about him even though he was one of ash’s most trusted allies. #caindeservedbetter2k20)

- anyway, back to the main story. ash (and his new "friends") barely escape where they’re held hostage. ash would be rusty with combat now as he’s spent the past few years doing only stealth work and being rather sedentary.

- so there’ll be lotsa old man!ash jokes like them poking fun at him whenever he complains about his back hehe

- when they finally emerge outside they find themselves in the middle of nowhere! they then hijack a passing pickup truck and do a roadtrip back to civilisation. ROAD TRIP FTW

- at this point, quite some time has already passed and ash even has a fuzzy beard and mane and all. he’s standing at the back of the truck with a small smile on his face and the wind blowing in his hair, thinking GONNA GO BACK AND SEE EIJI, MISS HIM LOADS, HELL YEA

- (bonus: this song and this scene is the catalyst for this entire headcanon btw)

(drew this about a year ago. i was trying to imitate the manga’s art style... and the ash i had in my mind was a little different. i’m too lazy to redraw, but he’s fuzzier now okay! MORE FUZZ! like an actual freakin LION!)

- meanwhile, eiji and max will get into some deep shit around this point?

- eiji in the pic above was me imagining that the Bad Guys had tossed some damning evidence (eg. severed body part?) on the ground like “ash’s dead/ash’s in a lot of danger now so hand over all the info u have”

- and eiji and max are like. SHOOKETH

- this would be the 3rd time ash has “died” after all, and as they say... 3rd time's the charm...

- eiji almost gives in, but then max spits in their face like fuck no and then... yeah. they get beat up and taken away or something lol

- EDIT: hmm... what if the Bad Guy is someone IN the government, and he uses his power to get eiji and max arrested for aiding and abetting a wanted fugitive (ash). and then ash has to rescue them... JAILBREAK STYLE

- also it might be cool to introduce ash's mom somewhere in this story... maybe SHE'S the villain! mwahaha *drama intensifies*

- anyways they will get saved by ash and gang bc that’s just the way things go, BUT! only on the condition they already made it out at least 80% of the way bc GODDAMN IT👏LET👏EIJI👏BE👏BADASS👏FOR👏ONCE👏

- (that is, after he overcomes the initial shock of ash possibly being dead again... again...... again............)

- there will ofc be moments of “oh my god, you’re okay” "i thought i lost you...!"

- something like this, because one can never have enough cheesy reunion scenes

- this will eventually lead to REVELATIONS (of the romantic kind, yes)

- buuuut they will never say "i love you" directly to each other bc ash is too emotionally constipated and eiji is too japanese. it's okay, they will communicate it through heated stares 👀

- i would love for there to be a scene where they have to be separated again for Plot Reasons and ash sorta hesitantly goes all "...will you wait for me?" as a direct parallel to canon!eiji's "i'll be waiting" and it’s like,

- FINALLY!

- FINALLY!!!!!!!!!! ash has finally allowed himself to ask for this, to let himself want it!

- and eiji would be like OF COURSE I WILL YOU BIG DUMMY, ALWAYS AND FOREVER

- but i think it'd be hilarious if eiji pops up while ash's in the middle of the final showdown and ash's like WTF I TOLD YOU TO WAIT FOR ME and eiji's like I WAS WORRIED OKAY YOU WERE TAKING SO LONG

- idk how this is supposed to end...

- oh wait! since the plot is government-related, maybe Someone will be able to pull strings to wipe out ash’s criminal record (past and present) and give him a brand new 100% legal identity, as thanks for his efforts? or maybe ash (or sing) just does it himself somewhere along the way LOL. anyway, he’ll be able to start over with a fresh clean slate and finally work on recovery FOR REAL NOW. yes this is a happy ending AND it didn’t require him to go to japan /flips off canon

- ...i realise it’s never going to be that simple but W H A T E V E R

- (also they probably will visit japan in the future with that shiny new passport... gotta meet the in-laws and all y’know)

- who do i gotta pay to write this cheesy self-indulgent fic for me

#since tumblr is for talking to myself that is exactly what im gonna do now #a very long self-indulgent post //#banana fish

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husbandhoshi · 3 years ago

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good morning miss lily! how are you today?

I GUESS WE ARE HOBBY TWINNING!!!! i used to be super into crocheting and knitting a few years ago but fell out of it :( i hope yours goes well!!! i think you’ll like it ^^ and ooooohh tell me how the book is when you finish it; i’m interested ☺️ — i’m currently borrowing On Death & Dying by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross(, MD) from a friend of mine! i haven’t gotten too far into it but basically it’s about how since the major wars in america, we’ve had a lot more people like actually Getting Old instead of dying at a young age like how it used to be; and it’s kind of a little explanation of interview results with elderly people and some other stuff!! and of how in the past few decades we have this new phenomenon of elderly people and their fear of death and how they process growing old, etc etc. it’s kinda nerdy but hey 🤓

anyway;;;;;; no more death talk BSJSH OKAY ABOUT CATCHING FEELINGS… so there’s this guuyyyyyy *twirls hair around finger* that i’ve known since middle school and went to high school with and he was never really my type? we were never friends? had no mutual friends really blah blah blah. around mid-november i started thinking he was really cute but it wasn’t anything serious it was little schoolgirl-y tbh. but then slowly but surely i started becoming more interested in him, getting excited to talk to him, thinking about him all the time, and just really wanting to get to know him as a person. that combined with my Constant Daydreaming about being with him and having fun with him and him fucking my brains out…. blah blah blah so then one day i was thinking about all this and realized “fuck okay i’m like super insanely and impossibly DOWN BAD FOR HIM AND I WANT HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD AND IVE NEVER WANTED ANUTHING OR ANYONE MORE IN MY LIFE” *deep sigh* so yeah……. it’s been four months now and i swear i think i fall for him more and more every minute

i hope you don’t mind my rambling;; is there anything you wanna talk about or that’s been on your mind? i hope your final papers are going well!! i’m sure you’re doing absolutely amazing<3

- angel anon

hello sweetheart! imma put the rest under a cut bc i talk too much haha

i'm good! still working on my final paper LMAO but once i finish tonight i'll be done with the academic term and off to spring break!! i'm going to a theme park tmrw with my friend which will be really fun!!!!

and that's super cool still that you knew how to knit and crochet! i tried knitting but i wasn't any good at it, maybe i'll try again when i have some free time! what kinds of things did you use to make?

AH i've heard of that book! i take a lot of classes on mental healthcare/patient care so it's definitely been in my circles often. that sounds like a super cool read and i'll definitely pick it up when i have time. if you enjoyed that you might also like when breath becomes air by paul kalanithi? it's abt a neurosurgeon who gets brain cancer and he mediates on life and purpose and medicine--another thought-provoking book, but it's so beautifully written!

HELP ur story is soooo romcom! so perfect! he sounds really sweet (and cute obv) and i am really hoping you guys can go on a date or something!!! how often do you see him? how close are you guys? maybe he's into you too :')

and no i don't mind your rambling at all! my life has been pretty uneventful but in a good way! just spending time w friends and family and doing the things i've wanted to do before i graduate from college :)

#ask #anon #angel anon

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stonecoldjerseyfox · 4 years ago

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Jersey on my mind (part 38)

A faint, warm breeze caresses Mila’s face as she and Juri walk along the quiet street, running alongside the newly built wall. A few of the Alexandrian men are working on the final piece, funnily enough nearby the church that caused it to break. It’s been two months since the wall collapsed now, or at least that’s what she thinks. Mila looks at the new construction as she and Juri passes, feeling a sense of calm throughout her soul as her eyes sweep over the repaired structure that has also been expanded; a part of Deanna’s original plan for the community. On the piece of the wall that stood by the invasion, next to the small graveyard, someone has written the name of those who have perished; loved ones, friends, family and those who became family after the outbreak. It’s a nice memorial site, a quiet corner of the community. Since that day, when the walkers poured into Alexandria, everything has gone back to a somewhat normal state.

It’s a hot mid-summer’s day, the sky is blue and the clouds look extra fluffy. Juri points towards them and gestures as if he squeezed an invisible marshmallow between his soft little fingers.

“Yeah they look tasty.” Mila smiles and squints up towards the floating clouds cruising by without a hurry. “What about-” Softly, she pinches Juri’s button nose. “I try to find us some yummy marshmallows for a barbecue when I get back, huh?”

With glittering eyes Juri nods and hugs her tightly; obviously he is positive about the idea.

“Then it’s a date.” Mila chuckles and hugs Juri back, before putting him down on the ground. “Ufh, you are getting heavy. Soon I won’t be able to carry you around.”

With a proud, sunny face Juri stretches, he’s certainly not a little guy anymore; in Mila’s eyes, paradoxically, he’s still her little baby, while she’s also well aware that he’s turning four in a few months. Where the heck did the years between infancy and two go? With a smile, she thinks of Maggie and what adventure awaits her and Glenn in the years to come. At least they have each other, a small consolation when the world is constantly on the brink of doom.

“Since you’re a big boy now, you’re going to teach Maggie’s baby a lot of important things. Like Carl does with you and Judith.” Mila says and takes Juri’s hand. “You think you can do that?”

Juri nods, with eyes that take the task very seriously. He adores Carl like an older brother and being addressed as a big boy, doing ‘Carl-stuff’, is everything he’s ever wanted. Juri gestures with his free hand and makes a finger walk in the air; of course he will teach the new baby to walk. But when he lets go of Mila’s hand, to show that he’s going to teach the baby to tie its shoes, Mila raises her left eyebrow.

“Well, I think we have to practice that one a little bit, Malysh.” Mila says.

Stubbornly, Juri signals that he’s already trying to learn, or rather states, very stubborn, that Daryl should teach him. He’s done it before, Juri gestures with a triumphant grin.

“Really?” Mila smiles. “Sure, I bet he’s good at it. What’s left for me then? I’m just gonna sit by and watch?”

By putting his hands together in front of him and pointing his index fingers straight ahead, Juri gestures a finger-gun. He narrows one eye and pretends to aim and fire. He points at her with a smile, clarifies that she’s best at shooting, therefore she should teach him.

“Spasibo, malysh.” She winks at Juri. “Not quite yet, though. But I promise you, I will.”

Further down the street, both of them catch sight of Daryl and Denise. They part, Denise walks away from them and Daryl turns and starts to walk in their direction. Mila waves at him and Juri starts to run as fast as his short legs possibly can towards their favorite archer. Despite his packing, a backpack and the crossbow, Daryl receives Juri when he reaches him; he lifts him up in the air on straight, strong arms, making Juri’s blonde hair dance around his angelic face. The silent laugh that spreads on his face makes Mila’s heart swell with joy. She had never thought that the surly archer would melt completely because of a, certainly charming, mute toddler; her little ray of sunshine. He even smiles as he lifts Juri into the air. Surely a sight for sore eyes, she thinks as they meet in the middle of the street.

“Ya’ ready?” Daryl greets her as he puts Juri down. “We’re heading out now.”

“All done.” She replies, notices a piece of paper in Daryl’s hand. A shopping list? “That’s a nice little list you got there.” Mila peeks over the edge of the slightly crinkly paper, that looks like it’s been passed around the entire community. “Food, gas, some medicine, more medicine… another medicine-” She frowns her eyebrows. “Orange soda?”

“Dunno.” He shrugs. “Denise wanted to surprise Tara.”

“That’s nice.” Mila nods.

It was decided last night that Tara and Heath would go on a longer supply run. Daryl was asked to follow, but declined. Mila suspected that it was because of her; she’s been a bit under the weather the last couple of days; she’s been tired and just a bit feeble, felt nauseated. Carol was sure it was just her female hormones acting out, which could very well be a possibility. Tracking a period during the apocalypse wasn’t high on her ‘to do’-list, so she brushed it off. Daryl didn’t say anything about the reason for his decision, but Mila guessed that he didn’t feel like leaving her behind, even though she’s neither sick or… well, anything really. Just a bit tired. Instead, it was decided that Daryl and Rick would go on a supply run. Mila offered to come along; Daryl couldn’t possibly stop her from following, so it was settled that she’d tag along.

They walk to the dusty Chrysler sedan together. Rick’s already in place, assuring that his gun is loaded and attached properly to his belt when they arrive.

“Mornin’.” He greets them with a nod; Once a cop, always a cop. The only thing missing is the wide-brimmed hat. “Ready to go?”

Both of them nod and Daryl hands Rick the list of supplies.

“Ya’ see anything you miss?” He asks.

Rick glances through the list quickly.

“We’re outta’ toothpaste.” He states and lifts his eyes to them, waving the note between his fingers. “Keep an eye open for spearmint and baking soda. Michonne’s orders.”

“Got it.” Mila turns to Juri and squats in front of him. “Okay, be nice to Carol and the others, don’t run away.”

With a serious look, Juri reminds her of the promise of marshmallows.

“I’ll remember.” Mila promises and gives him a kiss on the cheek. “There, davay.” She gets up from the ground as Juri turns and runs over to the porch, climbs the stairs and gets into the house to find Carol.

They get in the car, Rick and Daryl in the front seat and Mila in the back seat. She puts her handgun and backpack in the seat next to her and Rick rolls over to the gates, where Eugene’s about to push it open for them. On the other side, pierced on a couple of rebar attached to a broken car, a couple of walkers are trying their best to reach for them with their worn, boney arms, all in vain.

Eugene strutts over to the passenger seat of the car and leans into the open window. The mullet looks more solid than ever as he hands Daryl another note. “I mapped out some of the agricultural supply places in the area.” He says in the heavy Texan accent Mila finds incredibly fascinating. “Even if they’ve been cleaned out, my bet is that the sorghum would be untouched. Now, that there is a criminally underrated grain that could change the game with our food situation from scary to hunky-dunky.”

No one says anything. Mila rests her elbows on the backs of the driver’s and passenger seats and leans in so her head sticks out in between the two men in the front.

”I'm talking standability-” Eugene continues. “Drought tolerance, grain-to-stover ratio that is the envy of all corns.” He pauses. “Think about it.”

”Gosh I could listen to him forever.” Mila says and looks at Rick. “Hunky-dunky.” She repeats in an as good as it gets Texan accent, while meeting Eugene’s eyes.

“All right.”

The car drives out through the gate, Rick accelerates and they leave Alexandria behind.

“I’m having a good feeling ‘bout today.” Rick says cheerful.

“Really?” Mila replies.

“Just-” Rick shrugs. “You know- You just feel it. Today’s the day. We're gonna find food, maybe some people. The law of averages has gotta catch up.”

“We ain’t seen nobody for weeks.” Daryl notes. “Maybe we ain’t gonna find nobody.”

“That’s sunny.” Mila says, strokes his bare arm with her fingertips. “Let’s cheer this bad boy up, sheriff.”

Rick grins and pushes ‘play’ on the stereo. The music starts faintly and Mila recognizes the band as Social Distortion.

”Oh I like this one!” Mila exclaims and starts to sing along.

”Thought ya’ only liked country?” Rick looks at her in the rearview mirror.

”Nuh.” Mila shakes her head. ”I’m full of surprises. Fun fact, I went to a bunch of cool concerts back in Jersey. These guys, Bruce Springsteen, Neil Young, Rise Against, Pearl Jam- Lots of rock, punk, country-” Mila continues to sing along when the chorus starts. ”I made out with the Social Distortion singer, Mike Ness, after a concert. Or at least I think it was him.”

”Think?” Daryl sputters and turns to look at her.

”I was eighteen!” Mila shrugs easily. “And drunk beyond judgement.” She confesses. ”He was- old, kinda’ handsome. Smelled quite nice, except the sweat. When I think about it, it could just as well be any middle aged guy with tattoos and tons of hair wax working backstage. I will never know for sure. But I’d like to believe it was the singer. Makes the story more interesting.”

Rick laughs.

“Concerts are wild.” He agrees while tapping the steering wheel. “I took Lori to see Tim McGraw once, before Carl was born. Cheap fried hot wings, beer in red plastic cups, great music; great night.”

“Is he the-” Mila starts to hum while drumming on the thighs. “Hu-huuu- I like it, I love it-”

“-I want some more of it-” Rick tunes in and snaps his finger to her beat. “I try so hard, I can't rise above it. I don't know what it is 'bout that little gal's lovin’-”

“Christ sake-” Daryl sighs and slides further down the passenger seat.

“Here-” Rick hands Mila the worn plastic case of cd’s from the door pocket. “Find something good.”

“Yes, captain.” Mila unzips the case and starts to flip the plastic pages, filled with scratched cd’s, before finding something that looks promising. “Here-”

“Please, don’t-” Daryl pleads.

Too late. She leans into the front seat and pushes the cd into the radio.

“Crank it up!”

Rick turns the volume wheel up to fourteen and both he and Mila happily exclaims “yeeeah” when the intro to “Life is a highway” blasts out of the cheap stereo.

“Ya’ both crazy!” Daryl cries, in an attempt to drown out the radio.

“Draws ‘em away from home!” Rick calls before tuning into the catchy chorus with Mila.

Rick knows the lyrics even better than she does; she still stumbles on the fast lines combined with her not pitch perfect english.

After driving for awhile, while continuing their exceptional singalong, Daryl manages to override the music:

”Look-” Daryl points out of the window and Rick hits the brakes in a matter of seconds. ”Back up.”

While Mila stretches forward and turns down the volume, Rick puts in reverse gear and drives the car back to the intersection. About a hundred meter to their right lies a couple of buildings. A silo, a shed and a barn, with ’sorghum’ written all over the dirty white roof. Rick turns the wheel, hits the gas and drives in the direction of the barn. He drives up on the dirt road and parks in front of the red building. It looks untouched, as if no one else knew about the great power of the sorghum. They step out of the car and look around. It’s quiet, no walkers.

“Let’s check it out.” Rick looks around the corner.

”Best to be safe.” Daryl says and walks over to the storage roll up door. He checks the handle, nods as to tell that it’s unlocked. ”Ya’ cover?” He looks up at her and Rick.

”Yup.” Rick returns, hand on his gun.

While the two men get ready for combat, Mila throws a glance out over the fields surrounding the barn; keeping an eye open for potential enemies. The door goes up with a loud noise and Rick bursts into the barn. Mila’s eyes land on the back of a truck.

“No sorghum?” Mila says.

”Doesn’t look like it.” Rick turns to her and Daryl. “We’re good.” He states and points at the truck. ”One more time?”

”It ain’t locked.” Daryl puts his hand on the handle and thugs at the box truck roll up door that rolls up with a rattle.

”Wohaa!” Mila exclaims.

The truck is filled with supplies; food, blankets, towels, everything really. It must be their lucky day.

”How ’bout that?” Daryl says. “Looks like we’re done for today.”

”Let’s get this thing going, grab our gear and come back for the car later. Take another way back and see what we can see.” Rick states. “We still need to find more things.”

”I’ll go start it up-” Mila says. ”If it starts.”

”I think it does.”

”Also one of your optimistic predictions?” She smirks at Rick, turns and walks over to the drivers side and opens the door. ”Hah, they where dumb enough to leave the keys.”

Daryl unloads the most necessary things from the car, Rick locks it with a ‘beep’ on the key and they get inside the truck; Mila makes herself comfortable between her two companions and they backs out of the barn and hits the road. They head in the direction Rick drove before Daryl asked him to stop. The road is lined by green, lush forest. The sun has settled behind some clouds, but it’s still warm, a sticky moist heat that doesn’t really make Mila’s tiredness any better. She’s already drinked a whole bottle of water by herself and starts to feel her jeans push at her bladder. In the distance, she sees what looks like a very run-down gas station.

“Should we check it out?” Daryl looks at Rick, who nods. “Might be some gas left.”

“Let’s find out.”

Rick parks at the first pump and they get out of the truck. The gas station is a mess; debris everywhere, an abandoned jeep is parked outside and the black color of the roof has begun to flake and exposes the gray metal underneath. The store looks equally miserable. She strolls up to the doors and peeks through the dirty glass, but sees nothing else than darkness. On her right Daryl’s checking out a tipped-over vending machine, filled with soda and candy. Someone must’ve given up halfway through their attempt to move it, Mila thinks.

“Give me a hand with this.” Daryl says.

Rick, looking around the desolated place, turns on the spot and walks over to help. Besides her urge to pee, Mila’s struck by a slight sensation through her head, like nausea, just as she has been doing on and off the last two days. Heck, not now.

“I just gotta- you know.” She makes a whistling sound, to signal that she needs to find a toilet, or just walk behind the corner of the gas station to pee, or vomit - right now she cannot decide which of them she needs the most.

“We’ll get this.” Daryl nods towards the vending machine.

Mila turns and walks towards the door of the gas station. She thugs at it, then pushes it open with force. It’s barricaded with a shelf and she creates a passage wide enough for her to get through and walks inside the dark store, gun raised in front of her. She lets her gaze get used to the dark, then sweeps over the empty, chaotic store before she walks towards the back of it, towards the door with ‘staff only’, hanging on just one hinge. The back of the shop, a room that looks like something between an office and a storage, with walls clad in brown wooden panels, is also empty. She quickly finds the ‘staff only’-toilet that doesn’t look far too disgusting to sit down on. She closes the door halfway, to prevent herself from being in total darkness. While unzipping her jeans she curses herself for not bringing a flashlight. As she sits down, she promises herself to wash her whole body with steel wool as soon as they are back in Alexandria; the toilet stinks of urine and It must be a pure bacteria party in the small space. She closes her eyes, feels how the nausea calms down a bit, focuses to breath through her mouth to close out the acrid smell. She takes another breath and feels her bladder relax, happy to release the huge amount of water she drank.

Despite the disgusting toilet, it feels better to go to the toilet inside than outside. Mila reluctantly remembers the time she had to pee in the woods, and a walker snuck up behind her. With her trousers around her ankles, Mila had to ward off the armless, dead man. It wasn’t her proudest moment for sure.

Loud voices and thumps make her wake up from her thoughts. Mila almost falls on her nose getting up from the toilet seat with her jeans around her ankles. Swearing over the fact that she might have to repeat her unworthy pants incident, she makes her way out from the bathroom, thuggin’ on her panties and jeans to get them over her ass, to see what’s going on outside. Is there an ambush? She loses balance, while trying to zip her pants, when she makes her way out in between the gap in the door and drops to the pavement. While brushing her hair out of her face, Mila catches sight of Daryl and Rick standing out in the street. The truck is gone.

“What the heck?!” She cries and gets up from the ground, fiddling with the zipper. “Where’s the truck?”

“Gone.” Rick hollers back at her.

Mila lets go of the zipper again -whatever if she shows off her undies at this point- and holds out her arms, to show that she noticed that very well on her own.

“I was gone for like, five minutes, and now you lost the truck?”

“He took it-” Rick continues.

“He who?”

“Some goddamn’ hippie.” Daryl scoffs angrily. “Crashed into Rick and then drove off with the truck, swiped the keys.”

“Wha- just like that?” Mila says, more confused than ever. What the hell happened?

“We talked to him.”

“Okay… and?”

“Told us his name- called himself Jesus.”

“Yeah I’m sure that’s his name.” Mila laughs dryly; right, Jesus Christ would surely show up in the middle of nowhere and steal a truck filled with toothpaste, food and other supplies. “Jesus don’t steal trucks.” She says. “Jesus isn’t even real! And how on earth did he overpower both of you?”

The two men in front of her transform into two ashamed puppies, that’s been caught peeing on the carpet, in the matter of seconds. Mila suspects that they weren’t overpowered but tricked; muscles and guns are no use for cunning, and she knows a lot about the latter.

“Well, what are we waiting for?” Mila sighs, squats and ties her boots with an extra secure double knot. “Lets go.”

“What?” Daryl looks at her.

“We gotta follow the truck.” She replies and thanks her lucky star for not having eaten anything heavy earlier this morning. “I won’t let someone who believes himself to be Jesus just steal our truck. I went to church back in Russia when I was a child; stealing is a sin, which makes this Jesus a hypocrite. Come on.”

Mila starts to run. Had she known she would have to chase after a truck, she would have taken a pair of running shoes. They pass the vending machine after a few hundred meters, discarded in the middle of the road. Mila brakes and takes a deep breath, wiping sweat from her forehead. The sticky heat is killing her and the three of them drip with sweat. Rick’s shirt is several shades darker and Daryl looks almost freshly showered. Next to her, Rick doubles down and rests his hands on his knees, still hugging the gun.

“How far do you think he’d come?” She pants.

“Dunno.” Daryl takes a crowbar from his backpack, shatters the display case of the vending machine and starts to stuff orange sodas and some snacks into his bag. He reaches Mila a can. “Here, drink.”

She smiles, as to say ‘thank you’ and opens the can. The soda is somewhere between lukewarm and warm, but it’s better than nothing. She finishes the can quickly and wipes her mouth on the back of her arm.

“Isn’t this the soda Denise wanted?” She asks.

“Uhu.” Daryl nods. “Special request.”

He takes one of the cans, punctures a hole in its side and pours the lukewarm orange drink into his mouth. Very classy.

“Hey, whatever she wants. She saved Carl's life.” Rick replies and receives the can from Daryl. “If there's still people out here, and they're still people, we should bring 'em in.”

“Still feelin’ positive, huh?” Daryl asks his friend. “Takin’ em in? Like this guy, stealing our truck?”

“No, not this guy.”

Daryl turns and looks at her, the gaze wanders from top to bottom.

“Ya’ good to go?” The look is caring, protective. As if he was trying to say 'sorry ‘bout the bumpy ride'.

Mila nods, feels a drop of sweat run down her lip, into her mouth.

“Let’s get this over with.” She replies and collects her long, sweaty hair on the back of her head, ties it up with a hair tie. “I’ve ran marathons, remember.”

They set off again at a slightly faster pace, strengthened by the soda. Mila breathes calmly as she sprints over the concrete, counts her breaths as she used to do when she was an avid runner and used to go out for a long run for fun. The circumstances are a bit different from back then; no running shoes or comfortable running clothes in bright colors, no iPod filled with upbeat music and no fitness clock tracking her pulse and her route. The boots are actually horrible to run in, the same goes for jeans, t-shirt and denim shirt, plus a backpack and weapons.

They follow the tire tracks until they reach a crest, where Daryl signals for them to stop. Carefully they ascend the hill until they can peek over the edge. In the hill down on the other side they see the truck, standing still. It has a puncture and Mila immediately sees a long-haired man with a beard, dressed in a long coat and a beanie, which in itself is pure madness. She’s dripping with sweat and would never in her life put on a long coat or hat now.

“That’s him?” She asks faintly.

“That’s him.” Rick nods at them to follow him into the woods to the left.

They carefully make their way over the fallen leaves between the trees, without losing sight of the truck. The man walks around to the back of the car and they see their chance. They quickly get out of the woods, Rick takes the lead and throws himself forward, wraps his arms around the man from behind.

“Hold still and maybe we won’t hurt you.”

If Rick thought it would help, he was completely wrong. The man sends off an elbow into Rick’s stomach and is suddenly free again. He makes a move, kicks Rick in the guts and gets him down on the ground. It's obvious that the guy is a bit sharper than the rest of the knives in the drawer; Mila climbs out of the ditch just as the man is about to set off towards the driver’s door, but is stopped by Daryl. While the men fight with each other, Mila manages to get up on the road just as the bearded man slips out of Daryl’s arms, pushes him into the side of the truck, turns around and loses track completely at the sight of Mila, who -tired of running and still a little nauseous- has pulled out her gun and aims it at him.

“Surprise!”

The brief moment is enough for Daryl to get back on his feet. He sees his chance when the man turns and notices Mila and tackles him from behind, down into the ditch. At gunpoint, they finally have the upper hand.

“Thanks.” Daryl pants and looks at Mila.

“The power of surprise.” She shrugs and looks down at the man.

He’s about thirty, long brown hair, beard. Yes, she sees the resemblance to Jesus; every time she sat in church and counted the icons portraying him when she was little. The serious man with sloping shoulders, blue dress, beard and well-groomed hair. The difference is that the Jesus in the icons didn’t have a knitted beanie and a leather coat.

The foliage behind the man in the grass rustles. A walker then announces its presence, by a guttural hissing sound.

“Do you even have any ammo?” Jesus looks at them.

Without answering, Mila raises her gun at the walker and shoots.

“Okay.” Jesus nods, still with his hands raised in front of him. “You gonna shoot me over a truck?”

“There's a lot of food on that truck.” Rick says. “The keys - now.”

“I think you know I'm not a bad guy.”

Once again, Mila suddenly feels that unpleasant, nauseating feeling, but this time it spreads from her head down to her stomach. She turns around, hurries away a few meters, bends forward and vomits into the ditch. ‘Is she okay?’ she hears Jesus' question, while she spits and feels how she shivers all over her body; fuck, she hates to vomit. But it actually feels better.

“Ey-” She hears Daryl scoff at the poor guy. “Eyes here, dude! The keys!”

“I’m fine.” Mila hollers and waves her arm at them, still folded like a pocket knife.

“You sure?” Jesus calls back.

“Oh shut up!” She shouts. “It’s because of you I’m throwing up.”

“Sorry.”

“Just-” Mila straightens her back. She feels less nauseated, a bit weak but otherwise much better. “Give us the keys.”

For some reason, Mila can’t figure out why, Jesus throws her the keys. It might be out of pity, or the fact that her two comrades are holding him at gunpoint; she nods at him, as a way to say thanks.

While Rick ties Jesus up, Daryl hurries over to her.

“Ya’ okay?” His eyes are worried. “Ya’ sick?”

“No I’m fine.” Mila nods averted. “Probably just too much running and too little breakfast. I’m good now.” She smiles. “Just, don’t kiss me until we’re back and I’ve brushed my teeths, okay?”

He doesn’t look completely convinced, but he grunts a little, caresses her cheek and places a kiss on her forehead instead.

“There’s toothpaste in the back of the truck.” He says, before returning to Rick and Jesus.

Mila gets into the truck, sits down in the middle seat and closes her eyes; maybe she should try to find one of those toothpastes, she has a foul taste in her mouth. She looks around the cab and finds a pack of spearmint gum. As she pushes a third gum into her mouth, Daryl and Rick jump on either side of her.

“Where is Jesus?” She asks.

“On the street.”

“What? We can’t just leave him?”

“Of course we can.” Rick replies, turns the key and starts the car.

“So long, you prick.” Daryl shouts out of the window as they drive off.

Mila chuckles dryish; She has an underlying sense that something is going to happen. Karma. She takes out the case of cd’s from her backpack, picks the “best of sixties” album and pushes the cd into the stereo. The sound of Connie Francis “Tennessee waltz” crackles out of the speakers and Daryl hands out snacks from the vending machine.

“Still worked out. Today still is the day.” Rick recalls while snacking on a chocolate-peanut bar. He then points in front of him. “Hey, look at that.”

The truck drives out of the forest, and Mila sees both fields and buildings.

“Yeah, a barn.“ Daryl says.

As Rick turns off in the direction of the barn, something makes them all fall silent and listen; thumps, like something hitting the truck box, is heard even over the loud music.

“What’s that?” Mila exclaims. “You hear that?”

It’s inevitable what the noise is; footsteps.

“I think that son of a bitch is on the roof.” Daryl says.

All three of them react at the same time; Rick stands on the brake pedal, the car stops with a howl and Jesus falls down in front of the windshield and tumbles to the ground. Daryl, swearing loudly, throws himself out of the car to follow him and Mila follows Daryl. She has no idea why, but her gut feeling tells her that Daryl won’t be gentle on him. It also tells her that Jesus probably isn’t dangerous at all, which isn’t in his favor if Daryl, who’s all muscles and pretty bad impulse control, gets a hold of him.

“Daryl-” She calls. “No- Stop!”

“I’ve had enough of ya’!” Daryl shouts at Jesus, not hearing Mila.

This must look ever so stupid, Mila thinks as she sprints after Daryl and the hippy-dippy guy into the dry green field; like one of those silent films, except that the soundtrack in this case happens to be Helen Shapiro’s “Walking back to happiness” playing from the car. Mila running after Daryl, running after this odd long-haired man who seems to believe he’s Jesus. Why in the world would he otherwise call himself that?

”No- no, stop it!” Mila shouts, as if she was scolding at a bad dog.

She stumbles and falls flat on her stomach, while Jesus reaches the now stationary truck and throws himself into the driver’s seat. Daryl follows.

“Come here, you little shit!” He barks and starts to drag Jesus out of the car.

At the same time a walker has snuck up behind Daryl. Mila gets up on her knees, gropes for her gun, but before she has managed to raise it to shoot, she hears Jesus call out ‘duck’; Daryl ducks just in time. A gun finds its way into the walker's skull and it falls back like a bowling pin.

“Thanks.” Daryl pants, then sends off a punch into Jesus face. “That's my gun! Come here!”

He throws Jesus out of the truck, onto the grass. He doesn’t remain there for long; instead, he lays hooks for Daryl, who stumbles, giving Jesus time to get up on his feet and set off again.

“Son of a-” Daryl roars and runs after.

“Fuck- knock it out!” Mila shouts and increases her speed, minimizing the distance between herself and her, frankly pissed off, other half. Before Daryl’s able to take another leap in his hunt for the handcuffed, longhaired karate kid, she tackles him to the ground with a thud. ”Stop this!” Mila climbs up on top of him, to prevent Daryl from getting up from the grass. ”This is stupid!”

”Christ- knock it out ya’!”

Crap, she doesn’t have time to argue. Mila climbs over Daryl and sets after Jesus, who has slowed down to watch the wrestling match played out in the grass behind him. A surprised expression spreads on his bearded face as he sees her approaching, faster than he imagined. Jesus turns and starts to run again, but he doesn’t get up to speed fast enough. Mila lunges for him and they tumbles to the ground in a bundle of arms and legs, and she starts to wrestle him. He doesn’t fight her, but he tries with all his power to get loose from her grip. Mila gets a sharp elbow in the eye and a cracked lip before hobo-Jesus is ripped away from her by Daryl, who looks like he’s boiling.

“Ey, that’s ma’ girl, ya’ scumbag!”

“Wohaa, jeez.” The long haired, ravaged man, flies like a raggedy Anne-doll through the air.

Mila gets up from the ground, covered in dry grass and wipes blood from her mouth on the back of her hand. Her eye pounds and already feel swollen, a certain recipe for an upcoming, gorgeous black eye. Daryl pants loudly through his nostrils while holding on to the ravaged man’s coat, the poor guy can barely stand up straight.

“I had him.” Mila glares at Daryl and spits blood on the ground in front of her feet.

“I’d had him if ya’ didn’t tackle me.” Daryl scoffs back, still holding on to Jesus' collar.

“You’d kill that poor man if you’d catched him.” Mila replies, pointing at Jesus. “You’re not exactly sensible when you’re angry.”

“Oh yeah right, you’re the one to talk!” Daryl scoffs back. “What about that guy’s kneecaps-”

“I had every right-” Mila cries. “He sliced my guts with a fucking machete!”

”You two are related of some sort?” Jesus doubtfully breaks in.

”Married!”

“What?” Daryl sputters, looking both terrified and shocked at her sudden, out of the blue exclamation.

“Feels like it!” Mila replies and spits more blood; they’re arguing like they were married at least. “Pridurok...” She mutters, eyes locked at Daryl.

”Oh-” Jesus pants and looks just as confused as Daryl does, plus a bit tufted. “Right-”

“Shut up.”

Pow! Jesus falls to the ground. Mila rolls her eyes; why does he have to punch everyone? She snorts and turns, stepping through the tall grass in the direction of the car. Damn hypocrisy, she thinks to herself. She passes Rick, who walks in the opposite direction out in the tall grassy field, holding his bloody knife, but ignores him. She’s frankly grumpy and her eye hurts. But she halts when she doesn’t spot the truck.

“Where the fuck is the truck!?”

She looks around. It’s nowhere to be seen. As she lets her gaze sweep over the field she catches sight of something behind some trees, in the small pond.

“Shit.” Rick comes up at her side, eyes locked at the truck that’s sinking further down the pond. “He must’ve knocked it into neutral.”

“Now what?”

They both turn and start walking back towards Daryl and the man in the grass.

“Are you alright?” Rick looks at Daryl. “Let's go check them cars, get the hell out of here.”

“What about the guy?” Mila points at Jesus.

“What about him?” Daryl asks.

“Well, he was actually nice, saved you.” She replies.

“Hm.”

“Did he ever pull a weapon on you?” Rick asks.

“Fine.” Daryl sputters. “Fuck- fine. Let’s put him up a tree.”

“No. He’ll come back with us.” Mila corrects, giving Daryl a sharp gaze. “Enough of that grumpy attitude.” She nods at Jesus. “Come on, let’s find a car. Drag him with you.”

They find a working car about fifteen minutes later. Daryl throws Jesus into the backseat. Mila takes the wheel, Daryl calls shotgun and Rick takes place next to Jesus, who’s still knocked out and they start driving back to Alexandria.

“He took a pretty hard hit.” Rick says and meets Mila’s gaze in the mirror, then looks at Jesus. “Denise needs to look him over.”

“Try to wake him.” Mila suggests. “See if he’s got permanent brain damages.”

Rick shakes the man, who grunts and starts moving. He blinks and jumps.

“You’re alive.” Rick says. “Good.”

“Yeah-” Jesus grunts again. “Why am I in a car? I heard something about a tree.”

“It was a joke.” Mila says, meeting his drowsy eyes in the mirror.

“It wasn’t.” Daryl looks at her.

“You wouldn’t have gone through with it.” Mila gives him a sharp gaze. “You wouldn’t have left him.”

“I would’ve-” Daryl nods upwards. “Right up in a tree.”

“He’s a comedian.” Mila says, once again looking at Jesus in the mirror, not taking notice of Daryl’s irritated expression. “Or at least tries to be.”

”Where have you been all my life?” Jesus chuckles and looks at her in the mirror and sends off a radiant smile that tells Mila that he’s using mouthwash on a daily basis.

”Ey- knock it out!” Daryl reaches back and slaps the man on his tied up hands.

Mila lets out a faint laugh. Huh, look at that; a jealous Daryl Dixon. Jeez Louise, there’s nothing to worry about, Mila thinks to herself, but Daryl’s poor self-confidence doesn’t make it easy for him. She pats her jealous, southern knight on the back of the hand.

”He looks like a hippy dippy orthodox priest.” Mila gives the surly, blushing archer a soft gaze. “Calm down, Dixon.” She turns to the rear view mirror and the hippy dippy man in the backseat. If papa was here, he wouldn’t have let him inside the car. Not in a million years. “No offense, but you do.” She says to Jesus.

”None taken.” He nods at her with a curious gaze. “What’s up with the accent?”

”Up and running, thanks for noticing.”

While steering the car with her knees, Mila once again takes out the case of cd’s, now missing the one with sixties-music, takes out a random cd and puts it in the stereo. She adjusts the volume-wheel on the radio and increases the sound of “The Chain” and starts to tap the wheel while singing along.

“You’re a really good singer.” The man in the back calls after a while.

“Thanks.” Mila replies backwards. “I’m a dental nurse.”

“Did you sing to the patients?”

“To the kids, sometimes. Some terrified men before they, you know-” She closes her eyes and pretends to snore. “Put them down.”

“I’m sure that’s not what it’s called.” Rick replies.

“I made them sleep.” Mila shrugs her shoulders. “Right?”

“Not what it sounded like.” Daryl says and meets her eyes, with a slightly amused expression on his stern face.

“Anyway I think it sounded beautiful.” Jesus says.

”I like this guy!” Mila looks at him and Rick with an excited smile upon her face, nodding her head to the beat of the music. ”Can we keep him?”

“He ain’t a dog.”

“But he’s quite fun!”

”You see.” Jesus says triumphantly. “She likes me.”

That’s it for Daryl. He turns and once again starts to try and hit the guy. Mila hits the brakes and the car stops with such force that Jesus is thrown into the headrest of the passenger seat, and dozes off.

“Knock it off!” Mila roars. “Or I won’t drive an inch further.”

The angry mom-voice isn’t only effective on children, it works really well on adult men as well. Daryl mutters and returns to his seat. Mila steps on the gas pedal again and continues to drive. Outside, it eventually starts to get dark. The sky is clear and the stars look brighter than ever. When she brakes at the gate to Alexandria, it’s pitch black. Daryl gets out, opens the gate and she drives into the community; a sensation of calm spreads throughout her body. That’s when she remembers.

“Shit.”

“What?” Rick asks.

“Forgot to get marshmallows.”

When the gate’s closed and locked, Daryl gets into the car again and Mila drives up to the infirmary, parks and the engine dies. The three of them get out of the car and stretch. What a fucking day, Mila thinks to herself, while watching Rick and Daryl dragging the still unconscious Jesus out of the backseat. They carry him up the stairs to the infirmary, knock on the door and wait. Denise opens in a few seconds.

“Sorry to wake you up.” Rick excuses himself before Denise can say something.

From her spot at the car, Mila notices Denise’s confused expression as she notices the lifeless man.

“Who is this?!”

“Come on, man, he's heavy.” Daryl says to Rick. “Oh, that thing-” He looks at Denise. “Uh, didn't work out. It's this asshole's fault. Sorry.”

While they bring Jesus inside, Mila leans up against the hot hood and looks at the stars. Juri has probably been asleep for a while now. She doesn’t know what time it is, but it’s late. Rick and Daryl walk out of the infirmary just as she catches sight of the pole star.

“He’s taken care of.” Daryl says as he walks up to her. He examines her in detail in the faint glow of the infirmary. “Let’s patch ya’ up.”

Mila doesn’t struggle. She’s tired and hungry. They go back into the infirmary and she sits down on one of the beds with clean, white sheets and exhales. There’s a mirror in the corner of the room. When Mila sees her reflection, she sighs even deeper; she has a pretty neat blackeye and a cracked lip. Daryl sits down on the stool in front of her.

“A hell of a blackeye-” He squints at the look of her pulsating, sore eye. “Ya’ really took a few punches.” He takes the bottle with alcohol and a wipe and pours some onto it. “Like Rocky Balboa.”

“Yeah, but I won.” Mila replies.

“Just like Rocky.” Daryl replies. “Still though- hell of a fight.”

“Better me than you I guess.” Mila swears as Daryl, as gently as he can, wipes her cracked lip with the drenched wipe. “You’d kill him.”

Mila nods over Daryl’s shoulder, towards the knocked out man lying on the narrow hospital bed, handcuffed to the bed frame. Daryl turns, looks at Jesus, then scoffs.

“I’ll kill him if he ever puts his hands on ya’ again.” Daryl mutters and throws the wipe over the room, into the trash bin.

“Don’t have to, I’ll do it myself.” Mila smiles, but grimaces; it hurts to smile. “I know.” Daryl replies. “Sorry ‘bout earlier. For yellin’ at ya’.”

“You gotta work on that temper.” Mila states. “It ain’t good for the blood pressure.”

With a grunt, as much of an answer as anything, Daryl puts his hand at the back of her head, brings it to his lips and kisses her on the forehead.

“Ain’t gonna need to stitch ya’ up.” He says. “Come on, let’s get ya’ to bed, Rocky.”

“Yes, Adrien.” Mila grins wryly. “What about Jesus Christ Superstar?” She nods towards the other bed.

“Yeah we’ll deal with him later.”

“You gonna tuck me in first?” Mila asks. “I’d love that, but honestly, I need a quick shower before bed. I think I might have caught every possible STD there is from that disgusting toilet at the gas station.”

#jersey on my mind #daryl dixon #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl dixon x oc #daryl dixon fanfic #daryl fanfiction #the walking dead fanfic #the walking dead fandom #the walking dead fanficition #the walking dead daryl #twd #twd fanfiction #twd daryl #twd fanfic

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maggyoutthere · 4 years ago

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It's funny how I'm actually putting effort on this. I'm putting actual effort on a shitpost.

Anyways I said I'd write a bad sonic creepypasta so here it is. Here's the catch: I like how its turning out so imma make it a 2-pary story. This is the first part. It doesn't have any scary shit but it has the basics for a shitty creepypasta: someone gets a old pirated/unreleased/defective game and tries them out despite getting warned that bad shit might happen.

Again I'm not a fluent English speaker so expect some grammar error and stuff like that ._.,

So ladies, gentlemen and non-bis, I present to you-

Sonic: Battle of Metal and Blood (Part 1)

Synopsis: Teen gets nostalgic mid-quarentine and starts playing old Sonic games. She asks for some cheat codes and shit happens.

So for context; I'm a 17 year old girl stuck home because of quarantine.

It had been 4 or 5 months since the virus sent everyone home. Students were playing Animal Crossing and DOOM all day to fill in the summer hours since no one could go outside. I never liked going to the beach so I was never really bothered by it.

Like many people, I found myself going back in time to easier phases of my life. I was rewatching old cartoon shows from my childhood, getting into MCR and P!ATD and just living in pure nostalgia. I also started getting into gaming again, even going to the point of setting up my Wii again just to play Epic Mickey, but I didn't exactly grow up with the Wii. I was more of a Playstation kid, so much that me and my bro got a Playstation 2 from our cousin when he eventually bought the 3rd one for himself.

My cousin was older than us; I remember him being 16 or 17 when I was like 12, so he was kind of our gaming hero. If there was a level in Crash Bandicoot we couldn't beat, we'd call my cousin and he'd do it in 15 minutes. He knew all the cheat codes, all the secret levels and extra content for the games he had; he was like a genius to me and my lil bro, so when he gave us his old Playstation 2 and games me and my sibling knew we were in for a treat.

We got this Sonic Gems Collection for the Playstation 2 from him. It's like a port of various older Sonic games like Sonic CD, Sonic The Fighters, Sonic R and so on. I grew up playing that game, especially Sonic The Fighters since I wasn't very good at the racing games.

I still had a working controller and a lot of free time so I asked my bro for help setting up the console. The thing was so dusty I was actually scared it wasn't going to work. We clicked the power button and the light on the console turned on. Me and my brother held our breaths as we put the DVD in the console and crossed our fingers. As the screen lit up with the SEGA logo and music started playing, I just hugged him and cheered. He set up the console in my room so I could play without having to go to his room (he was the one keeping all the electronic stuff) and told me to have fun.

I didn't even know where to start. There was so much I wanted to play now that I actually knew what I was doing. I thought about starting with my favourite one out of the bunch: Sonic CD. I'm a sucker for the retro 2D pixel games so that was a must. It was better than what I remembered; the music was so catchy and the art style was vibrant and it stood out from a lot of games nowadays that go for a washed out "hyper realistic" look.

As I kept playing, I eventually reached the level where Amy tags along with Sonic for a while before Metal Sonic bursts through a wall and kidnaps her. Oh yeah, Metal Sonic was a thing. I remembered him from Sonic R and Sonic The Fighters - and the fact he was in the fucking cover art of the DVD case. I absolutely loved the fucker in the games though. He had a cool design, and the idea of the villain being a copy of the hero gone wrong was so interesting to me at the time.

I ended up passing the level and even making it to Stardust Speedway. I was sweating since I'd never come this far at any game. My bro was there cheering me as I tried not falling on spikes or getting hit by Metal Sonic's attacks. I ended up making it till the end on top, but it was kinda sad seeing Metal crash face-first against the door like that.

I was done with that for a while, so I went ahead and played Sonic R and Sonic The Fighters for nostalgia. Again, the fucker was there, either as a boss or as an unlockable character. I ended up noticing how there were a bunch of games missing. There were empty grayed slots with question marks instead of the game titles. I couldn't understand if the game was broken or if there was something I was supposed to do, so I called my cousin in hope he would somewhat tell me what to do. He ended up explaining how the game made you complete all the other games to unlock new ones. I thought that was kinda stupid so I asked him if he had any cheat codes or something to make the whole thing available. He told me he was going to dig up his old stuff and ring me again if he found anything.

A few hours later, he sent me a message telling me he'd found something that should work. He told me he did have a cheat code but he thought it was best if I didn't do it. Here's the transcript from his message.

"There's something that might work but it's kinda weird. I got this memory card from a friend of mine and he said this should unlock all the hidden contents within the disc, but when I tried it some weird shit started happening. Most of the sonic games were unplayable no matter how many times I restarted the console or cleaned the disc. There should be an extra game slot but that's just a glitch. Something about the system trying to make up storage for the extra code. Just don't click on anything that looks like a glitch and you should be golden"

Well that was a bit discouraging, but we agreed to meet that afternoon so he could give me the memory card.

When I got home and plugged the cartridge into the slot on the console, I was kinda scared. What if the thing exploded or something? I gave it a try and the thing actually worked! As I clicked on the games section, everything was there! There were some vectorman games but I didn't know who that was at the time so I didn't really care about them. What I was more interested in was the museum. There were a bunch of unlockable promotional art and illustrations there that I never got to see as a kid, so you could imagine how joyful I was when I saw the museum section filled with pages upon pages of illustrations and renderings of the games. Some of them weren't even on the Gems Collection like some screenshots of Sonic Heroes.

I went back on the game menu and was surprised to see another game entry below all the vectorman ones. It was called "Sonic: Battle of Metal and Blood". What the hell was this? It surely wasn't in the cover art and a quick google search turned up nothing. Was it a glitch? It couldn't be; it looked too clean and intentionally made to be a glitch, not to mention that whole game titles don't just appear out of thin air. Game or not, something was programmed in there. I concluded it was probably someone's fan project that was in the memory card my cousin gave me. Why hadn't he mentioned it though?

I was too curious to turn down a mystery like this one, so I got up first to make a cup of coffee since it was already getting late. As I returned from the kitchen, I remembered to look at the synopsis of the game. I can't remember exactly what it said but it was something along the lines of:

"In this sequel to the famous Sonic CD, step in the shoes of Sonic's friends as they face their biggest challenge yet. Control Amy Rose and Miles "Tails" Prower and fight against the metallic faker himself, Metal Sonic, and stop him before he puts his plan to become the only Sonic in action"

Woah, that sounded exciting; I wasted no time. I got all cozy, kept my cup of coffee next to me

And pressed START.

To be continued in part 2

#sth #sonic #sonic the hedgehog #creepypasta #creepy story #short story #sonic gems collection #sonic: battle of metal and blood #battle of metal and blood #maggy moment #shhh i actually like how its turning out #i'm not that good at writing but this is the best i've written in a while

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buccigang-headcanons · 4 years ago

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La Squadra Backstories!!!! Stream of consciousnesss style!

So literally I just sat down and wrote down exactly what I thought. I have not edited these at all lmaooo. But I made long drawn out backstories for our underrated assassins so enjoy!!

T/W + C/W - idk I talk about people dying in a lot of ways. Child abuse, drugs, severe illness, dead cats. This stuff is a mess I really didn’t censor it. But nothing is described in detail cuz I’m too lazy for that.

————

Prosciutto cuz he’s at the top of my mind. Mmkay he and Pesci are brothers but not by blood. Pro was an orphan, I still wanna make him Russian, and pesci’s extremely kind and gentle family adopted him when he was like 7. They were like literally a garden catalogue family. Perfection. The parents died when pro was like 15, Pesci was 13?? Idk the age difference I’m just making shit up now. And Pesci had no fucking idea what to do, they didn’t have any other family, and pro was like “I’m still basically a hardened criminal from living on the streets of russia most of my childhood, so joining the local mafia should be a piece of cake”. It was.

Risotto..... fuck it. Polpo is risottos dad. I’ve seen that so much and fuck it I’m here for it now. Idk how I feel about the whole Mariah from part 3 being his mom that seems too coincidental. But either way, he is half Spanish. I don’t think he’s ever been in touch with his Spanish roots at all, but that’s what he is. Polpo had too much fun on vacay in Spain. But it was a once night stand and polpo, a skinny king back in the mid 70s, fucked off to do mafia stuff and didn’t know about this kid. Risotto never knew his father. Time goes by, about the time he’s 10, rizzo’s mom moves to Italy to find the man she once loved. Since the 70s, she has been married and divorced 4 times, disowned by her entire family, and she speaks only of Polpo, the man who swept her off her feet and then disappeared into the night. Leaving only this child with his matching eyes. So they live in Italy, risotto is about 13 now and his mom has been searching seriously for polpo for about 3 years. One day, she gets too close, mafia takes her out. Risotto is all alone in a country he has lived in for less than 3 years. So he decides to take revenge against the mafia. He goes to hunt them down. (I’m too lazy to write out how. Gets a gun. Basically the scene in part 5 where the kid is like “you killed my father and now I’m gonna kill you!!” But he chickens out???) yeah except rizzo didn’t chicken out, he stood firm and killed 2 of them. The other 2 surrendered, and immediately asked rizzo to take polpos test. He did. And he unknowingly met his father, the man his mother had died looking for. He stared into his fathers eyes, black sclera reflecting each other, and passed his test with ease.

Wowwwwwwwww alrighty then that was something. Let’s shake out those jitters because fuck that was intense and let’s move onto some happy shit.

Melone!! Always a bottle of joy. He was a phenomenal student, a perfect child. Perfect grades, perfect attitude, perfect looks. Onlyyyy tiny thing is he murdered cats and buried their heads in the back yard. But that was his only flaw. Aaaaaaaand mayyybe trying to use his extensive knowledge of molecular biology and genetics (even at as young as 11) to asexually breed said cats.

But, apart from that, absolutely perfect specimen of a young boy. And he kept that up until college. Until the rape accusation. Melone had no interest in having sex with her, he swore under oath in open court, he only wanted to “extract her essence” in the hopes of making her amazing genetics stay pure for centuries.

Due to his previously amazing school record, he was allowed to plead not guilty by reason of insanity (because the justice system is bullshit) and was released to his parents. During this whole process, Melone’s mother had begun to grow suspicious of her son, wondering if there was something wrong with him. This led her to explore the crawl space under the garage, more commonly known as “Melone’s childhood laboratory”. The cat skulls alone were enough to set her off. They allowed him into their home long enough to fool the court, but parole officers don’t pay attention, and they kicked him to the curb a month later. Broke, alone, and with no real skills other than his genius mind and gorgeous body, he became a prostitute. It was only a few months before he wandered up to a gigantic white haired man with angry eyes and asked if he wanted a date. Instead of declining, our good ol rizzo just knocked him out cold and brought him home. The rest is history. Literally because I can’t think of what would happen between that and Melone joining the mafia. I assume he was just their house pet for a little while before he decided he wanted a stand too.

Oh good lord these are getting insane. Better keep going. Okay I have no idea what’s about to come out of my head for ghia but oh Lordy. Might as well start. Ghiaccio wasn’t always quite as angry, but it’s actually gonna be a sweet story. Kinda. He used to act perfect, even tho he always felt the anger inside. He was forced to bottle it up and put on a happy exterior always. His mother was Belgian. (From experience, Belgian mothers (Flemish in particular) will beat you until your ass is raw if you talk back). Italian father, they lived in italy. He had 4 sisters, he was the middle child of 5. Around high school, he started acting out. Of course this was due to all of his bottled up anger from the past 15 years. 4 shattered sinks, 16 holes in the drywall, and one classroom fire later, Ghiaccio was expelled from school. His parents were too busy brimming with joy about the success of all his sisters that they didn’t take much notice to him. “If you’re going to behave in such a manner you might as well leave” his mother said. She was past the point of caring enough to beat him. So he left. 16 and with no where to go, he wandered the streets. After a year or so, Ghia had gotten used to that life, and was angry at everyone, sometimes when he wasn’t even angry. Anger had become his coping mechanism. Screaming was easier than talking. Until one day, he screamed at a blonde man in an intersection. Prosciutto was driving back to the squads hang out, boxes of takeout in the back seat of the car. He had chosen to not stop at the red light, just for fun, and nearly ran into our blue haired teenager. Ghia proceeded to cuss him out for a good 4 minutes in the middle of this intersection before pro cut him off. “Get in the back. “ he said, with his own special brand of brotherly love. “I know how you can put that anger to good use”. Ghiaccio, having no real reason to object, got in the back seat. Prosciutto was silent the rest of the drive and Ghiaccio yelled about all the take out food, now splattered on the backs of the seats due to the sudden slam on the brakes.

Y’all I don’t even remember the other la squadra members. Let’s do sorbet/gelato because they have zero backstory or personality so I can just ramble. *Clears throat* let’s begin. These fuckers. Friends since birth. Grew up together, always really close. They were both dirt poor, but because the only school nearby was a decent public school, when were able to slightly experience middle class living. They liked it. They wanted to see upper class, and once they did, they wanted to be there. These two were money grubbing bffs, I’m talking josuke and okuyasu, but like waaaaay more intense and also violent. They both left home around 14, together of course. Gelatos father had left them a few years prior, and his family were on the brink of starvation. Figuring they didn’t need another mouth to feed (and completely abandoning his post as family patriarch lol) he left with sorbet, who’s family had all died in various ways over the years. Most recently, his older sister being taken by some illness that was probably easily treatable, but with no means for a doctor, she died in days. The boys left home and school, and made a living by pickpocketing tourists and occasionally launching into larger heists. They made a decent living for themselves, but eventually started spending their money on drugs. It’s was sorbet first, heroin was really good to him for awhile. Gelato was against it, knowing it was the reason sorbets family had been so poor to begin with. His father was an addict, and despite holding down a job fairly well, spent all his earnings on drugs. Eventually he became too dependent, lost his job, and OD’d. But around this same time, when the boys were 16/17, they were starting to realize their feelings for each other. Confused teenaged minds full of budding love led to Gelato giving in, and soon their days were filled with heroin fueled ecstatic sex. They lived like this for awhile, existing in half reality, until one day they chose to set their pickpocketing targets on a short man with close cropped gray hair. The plan was perfect, sorbet bumped into the man and gelato passed by to grab his wallet, and suddenly they were the size of mere ants. In an instant, they were returned to size, left to wonder if it was real or just a hallucination from long term drug use. But they didn’t run. Formaggio introduced himself, with a loose handshake and a pause to spit out some tobacco, and promptly invited them to a “party”. Although, Formaggio was honest in his promise, this party did have drugs.

Cheese boys turn!! Seriously who am I forgetting??? Illuso my mirror man! Am I forgetting someone else too?? Idk. But shut up Kel it’s cheese boys turn.

So. Formaggio. Probably the most chill childhood. Lower middle class, pretty average, but he was quite gifted with sports. Soccer was his main, and also a fantastic competitive swimmer. (Okay I have a separate hc that Bruno is really good at soccer so hol horse up a moment so I can imagine those 2 playing soccer together in friendly competition. In my lil au where Bruno is in la squadra because I say BruPro exes rights please and thanks.) but anyway, he got really good at soccer and was offered a scholarship to play at a fancy pants private high school when he was 14. Of course his parents made him go, this has been the family’s dream for years, and formaggio’s as well. So high school is amazing, he’s starting to attract attention from universities even tho he’s barely in grade 11 by this point. And it’s all really amazing until he realizes. This isn’t what he wants. And it’s just that. He doesn’t want to play soccer anymore, he doesn’t want to potentially be famous. He just wants to be a kid. So he leaves school, he leaves home, he wants to start over. And he wanders into a diner and sees this small group of weirdly dressed men. At this point, it’s rizzo, pro, Pesci, and ghia. And he’s staring at them because they’re dressed like circus clowns but their aura is so murderous. And then the one who looks like a giant pineapple starts staring back. Pesci gets up and walks over to Formaggio. “I know you! You’re that amazing kid soccer player!!” And he just goes on and on about shit he read in the news (70% of it was false) until pro comes over and yanks his idiot brother away. Pro starts asking Formaggio questions, thinking he could be a good target. Stupid little rich kid. But to prosciuttos surpise, Formaggio is just a down to earth kid with no more money to his name than he needs to pay for this meal. Prosciutto takes him home after that. He doesn’t really offer any explanation.

(The rambling at the beginning of this paragraph actually happened lol so I paused for like 4 hrs oops)

Alright we are back. Had to leave to go to therapy and then scream at my mother and cry to my boyfriend but we are ready to go! Illuso and I really hope he’s the last one and I’m not forgetting one. Illuso was raised in an orphanage from infancy. No idea who his parents could even be. Fun fact: one of the nuns at the orphanage (cuz it’s an orphanage in Italy in 1980, they’re catholic.) nicknamed him Illuso because he was always pointing at things that weren’t there. As a tiny baby and a child, he would always be looking at things no one else can see (yes illuso is a natural stand user fight me). The nuns called him illuso as an insult, hoping to shame him into stopping. He never did. When he outgrew the orphanage, he decided to join the priesthood. He was 19, a priest in training, when the mafia came to the orphanage. They were collecting, and illuso knew they didn’t have the money this month. He tried to talk the mobsters down, but that went about as well as planned. 4 bullets to the chest, 3 open heart surgeries, and half a dozen resuscitations later, Illuso was released from the hospital. The orphanage had been shut down, and no one knew what had happened to the children or the nuns. With no where to go, illuso knew of one place that could use talents like his. The talents of steadily stealing money from the starving children of the church for a decade. It was during polpos test that illuso’s stand manifested. Not due to the arrow, but to protect its user from the other stand. Illuso was able to avoid Black Sabbath by hiding in his newfound mirror world until it was time to return the lighter to polpo (kinda cowardly but whatever.) he was assigned to risottos group by chance and was the last to join excluding Melone. But they loved him as if they had found him themselves.

#jojo's bizarre adventure #vento aureo #golden wind #la squadra #Melone #ghiaccio #Formaggio #illuso #sorbet #gelato #risotto Nero #prosciutto #Pesci #jojo part 5 #jjba

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x--daughters-of-darkness--x · 4 years ago

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Evanescence: “Guitarists need to be honest. Use your voice. We don’t need fake – we need humanity and real people”

Jen Majura and Troy McLawhorn wax lyrical on the high-octane gear, influences and themes behind the band's upcoming fifth album, The Bitter Truth

The Bitter Truth, the fifth full-length from Evanescence set for release in March 2021, will be their first album of new material in a decade. The American arena group led by singer/keyboardist Amy Lee had already released three singles, though the record’s completion was stalled by the virus pandemic that dominated headlines for much of the year.

The first sessions took place at the beginning of 2020 with rock super producer Nick Raskulinecz [Foo Fighters, Rush, Alice In Chains] in his Nashville studio, spawning the tracks we’ve heard so far – Wasted On You, The Game Is Over and Use My Voice. Then, of course, came Covid, putting an end to safe travel and forcing virtually all plans to change.

For the members in America, it was incredibly problematic. For German guitarist Jen Majura, who joined in 2015, it was an absolute nightmare. Nevertheless, the group kept chiseling away and fleshing out their parts for album number five.

When Guitar World tracks down Majura and co-guitarist Troy McLawhorn towards the end of 2020, things are still very much in the process of being finalized...

Looking back now, that session in Nashville must feel like a very long time ago!

Majura: “Definitely! What hit me so hard was that we’d recorded that first chunk of songs and waved goodbye at the airport, thinking we’d be back in a couple of weeks. And then suddenly this pandemic hit, airports were all shut!

“I had never felt more apart from my friends in the States than since this all started. It’s so unnatural for me not to be there! I’m very old-school – I like my tube amp and 4x12 cabinet. I like to sit in the studio with the humans I’m working with and creating in the moment.

“Being away from Amy and the boys while working on material has felt so unnatural to me, but that’s the we have to do it and we have to make the best out of it. The time we spent with Nick in Nashville was the happiest ever.

“It felt amazing to see these songs coming to life – you have this idea but when you are all in a room creating, things change and become better, you end up trying out different ways. It’s such a vibrant and beautiful way of working. But I get it, there’s this thing called corona, so you know…”

This will be your first album working together on new material. How do you go about splitting guitar parts?

McLawhorn: “Whenever we’re jamming, if someone comes up with up something cool, they play it. There’s no set thing. So far I’ve probably played the majority of the lead guitar – if Jen comes up with something she is always welcome to play whatever it is. It’s a good working relationship. The first batch of songs, the first three that came out, were done in one session before the coronavirus hit. We were all together for those ones.

“But then Jen flew home back to Germany and we were supposed to tour in Europe, but it all got cancelled. Everything we’ve done since then has been without Jen with us, we’ve been kinda flying sessions back and forth. I probably played a lot of the guitar on the album, but she’s been coming up with cool ideas and putting her stamp on it too.”

The Game Is Over definitely feels like the heavier side of Evanescence…

McLawhorn: “There’s a lot of good stuff like that on this one, stuff that people will be surprised by maybe. There’s a fair amount of that aggressive type of music, but it’s a good mixture. So far everyone’s heard the lighter side of the album, like Use My Voice and Wasted On You… but then there’s The Game Is Over. It was a lot of fun to play and there’s more heavy stuff on there too!”

Majura: “That bridge is so heavy, I love it! It’s going back to the real rock roots and having lots of fun. When you have a low-tuned guitar you have to be a bit careful – you can’t just smash your strings but they will warp a bit.

“I remember forcing myself, especially during the bridge, to play gentle even though it had this badass attitude. It took me a couple of takes… the first ones were completely out of tune [laughs]!”

Jen, it must have been a rollercoaster five years for you. How did you end up getting the gig?

Majura: “What happened was that I was playing bass in another band, not really being happy as I’m a guitar player. We happened to play two festivals, one in Germany and one in the Czech Republic. And it turns out Testament were playing the same days as us.

“I’m a huge Alex Skolnick fan, so we ended up talking and keeping in touch. A couple of days later, I got this very mysterious email from him saying, ‘Jen! Some friends of mine are going to contact you and I can’t reveal too much but I think it’s something you should say yes to!’ I was wondering what the hell he was talking about…

“And then a day later, I got this email from Evanescence’s management asking if I would be interested in… and I didn’t even finish reading the email. I just immediately replied ‘Yes!’ and sent it. That was a total no-brainer.

“So this was around July 2015 and the next evening I was on the phone with Amy talking. She invited me to come visit her in New York and hang out. I thought, ‘Okay… cool!’ and three days later I was on a plane flying to fuckin’ New York wondering if this was really happening. It was insane.”

Did you bring your guitar?

Majura: “I didn’t! I asked her if I needed to bring one and she said, ‘Nah, I know you can play, I’ve seen plenty of videos – let’s just hang out!’ And that’s exactly what we did for the next three days. Hanging out, long walks and talks, going out for dinner or to a concert. Becoming friends and getting to know each other on a more human relationship kind of base.

“I realize now that’s the biggest deal when you have to replace a member. A band is a family. I’d like to quote Rob Zombie on that, because he said it in the movie Hired Gun!

“Finding a good player is the easy part – the world is full of virtuosos. You also need someone who can commit to touring, being on the road and that whole lifestyle. The third and last thing, also the toughest, is that you need people you can stand hanging out with 24/7.

“Concerts are only 90 minutes – what about all the other hours in the day? You need to all fit together. Within those first few days with Amy, I realized we both had a strong work ethic and know exactly what we want, which is beautiful.

“She’s a very strong character. I appreciate her musicality and personality too, she quickly became one of my best friends because we laughed about the same things and then figured out we both love Sex and the City [laugh]! I am so grateful and thankful to have experienced everything I have with her and the boys.”

Troy, you’ve been a member of Seether and filled in for Sevendust on some tours, but you’ve been an on/off member of Evanescence for over a decade now…

McLawhorn: “Yeah, to be honest, I never really left Evanescence. We have big breaks between albums. When I did my first tour with the band, Amy told me she was taking a long break, probably around four or five years. I just went out to find something to do in the meantime and ended up playing in Seether for a few years…

“When it was time for me to leave, it coincided with Amy being ready to do another album. And it was a huge coincidence. I ended up in New York and went to Amy’s house. I was having trouble in Seether and wasn’t happy there, and she said she’d love me to come work on the new album. That’s how it all went down.

“There seems to be some pretty long breaks in between albums with this band but I think that’s part of Amy’s creative process. She likes to take her time when she’s writing the lyrics. The final product always turns out really nice that way, so why mess with it?”

What can you tell us about the gear responsible for the guitar sounds on this album?

Majura: “I signed up with Synergy Amps in November last year. When I joined, I think Steve Vai was the only big name working with them, but I figured if it’s Steve Vai it’s gotta be fucking great. So I went over to check their amp out and I was very skeptical. It looks like a tube amp but with all these holes and parts missing!

“But I plugged in, hit one chord and realized it was actually phenomenal. They’ve sent all the different modules to me, like the Diezel, and the perfect solution for me was the Friedman HBE. It has the perfect rock and roll sound for my solos but it also has the mighty depth of high-gain stuff too – which are all frequencies you need for Evanescence.

“I was originally expecting I’d go with the Diezel one, but the Friedman felt more right for me. I’m very open-minded when it comes to technology. You have two modules, each with two channels, so you get a four-channel amp made out of your favorites.

“For example, I could combine a Vox AC30 Brian May sound with a Diezel VH4. It’s phenomenal what they’ve managed to open up for us musicians in terms of sound options. It’s been my tour rig and studio rig ever since.”

McLawhorn: “I used a combination of different things on this album. On The Game Is Over, it was basically my live setup which is an Orange Rockerverb 100, with an analog pedalboard.

“A big part of the tone I get from the amp comes down to a 10-band EQ I use to boost the mids on the lead channel. That’s about it – I don’t really use overdrive pedals or anything like that and probably use less gain than most modern guitarists. I almost use EQ to find a modern sound, instead of more gain.

“I also have a Fractal Axe-Fx III, which I’ve used here and there on the album, especially for clean parts – it’s really good for that. I’ve done some overdubs with the II as well, stuff that has a lot of effects or sounds really wet – Axe-Fx is great for that, too. I also have a 1969 Marshall Superbass 100 which we split with a Bogner Ecstasy or Uberschall, and used for the rhythm tracks on a couple of songs.”

And how about for guitars?

Majura: “I’ve been with Ibanez for many years now and I’m very happy. They deliver the most perfect instruments. You pick up an instrument and either like it or not. Some of them seem to instantly merge with your system – you become one – and that is true of most Ibanez guitars, at least for me.

“Of course I’ve played Les Pauls and other things, but they’re really not my style. I have so many Ibanez guitars now. I think the AZ series was such a smart move – the family is even bigger and better now… Look at players like Tim Henson, who is just amazing. He makes me feel so old. He’ll be nailing it and I’m at home just playing along to AC/DC or something!

“For pedals, I stick with the Line 6 Helix pedalboard because I remember at my first rehearsal in 2015, they would tell me certain parts would need a chorus or flanger or this or that. At the end of the rehearsal I had a battery of pedals in front of me and realized I couldn’t do it. I’ve never been a pedal dancer. I went to Line 6 asking for a solution and they were just about to come out with the Helix… it was perfect.”

McLawhorn: “I was using a baritone PRS SE. I changed the pickups out, but that’s it – I love the guitar and how it plays. I tried a few different sets, most by Seymour Duncan. One of my seven-strings has a Seymour that my tech put in on the road and I don’t know which one it is! He just found it in my guitar coffin and asked if we should throw it in. It stayed for the rest of the tour – it was probably a JB, who knows!

“But the one on the record is the Distortion (SH-6). I really like how they sound. At first, they were a little hot for what I like – I tend to prefer somewhere in between modern metal and classic rock. It felt like really high gain, way too much, especially when switching from my other guitars. But he really lowered the pickup down and that fixed everything, making everything super-tight and adding some nice mids.”

Use My Voice has a really powerful message behind it…

Majura: “Yes! Another thing that connects me and Amy very strongly is that we both went through moments in our careers where males would tell us, ‘You’re just a girl – what do you know?’ It’s time for strong women – in rock or wherever – to stand up and say being good at a craft has nothing to do with gender. It’s been happening for way too long.

“That feeling of our voices being suppressed needs to change, because every voice matters. We’re all the same. It does not matter if you are male or female or transgender… humans are humans. I think we should spend more time understanding why we’re the same. Use My Voice is an important message for women to stand up and be heard.”

Where do you think your influences differ as guitar players?

Majura: “The first guitar hero I had at around 10 or 11 was Steve Vai. He was so revolutionary in terms of what he’s done for the guitar world, both sound-wise and crafts-wise. Electric guitar wouldn’t be what it is today without Steve Vai.

“I respect him so much for how he feels and talks through his instrument. He’s influenced my thinking about a lot of things. He’s an amazing person, not just an amazing musician.

“Then I got into Nuno Bettencourt, who plays for the sake of the song instead of showing off. Which is what I tried to do on my first solo album, Inzenity, everyone expected a shred album and it wasn’t. I played for the song. If it didn’t require a guitar solo then fine, I’d just leave it. I didn’t need to prove to the world how good I was.

“Nuno also has the percussive style of playing, which brings this tone that I really like. And finally, Angus Young. I’ve been playing in an AC/DC tribute band for four years and I love his playing.”

McLawhorn: “A lot of them for me were the classic players while I was growing up. So Ace Frehley for sure… KISS were like Slipknot for us who grew up in the '70s [laughs]! Then there’s Jimmy Page and Jimi Hendrix. Tony Iommi as well, he was a massive influence on me as a kid.

“Eddie Van Halen was a huge influence on me, too – it was very sad that we lost him so early and so young. When Van Halen came out, I started taking guitar very seriously. The bluesy side of his playing always appealed to me but he also had all that technical prowess, too. A very inspiring guitar player for so many people.”

What advice can you offer anyone out there hoping to become a good session player?

McLawhorn: “You need to know how to communicate with people. I’ve done sessions with some Nashville guys that have this shorthand way of writing music. Reading music and knowing theory is always important… I wish I knew more myself.

“It puts you at ease walking into a session knowing you read and play anything back. I can’t really do that – I just really really listen and learn things by memory. I can read some music but that’s going back to trumpet at high school [laughs]. So I rely on communication always!”

Majura: “I think guitar players need to be honest. Use your voice. Be real. Be pure. We don’t need fake, we need humanity and real people. What I love about people like Mattias IA Eklundh is he’s just himself. He’s pure and innovative in a really interesting way.

“I’ve gotten to know guys like him, Guthrie Govan, Richie Kotzen and Jeff Waters – they’re all awesome and very honest players. I think one should never think one has seen it all and learned it all.

“We need to keep in mind we’re all on a journey in search of becoming better. In terms of advice, I always have to say being open to different styles is so important. There’s something to learn every day. You should never stop trying to improve to make the world a better place. You should never stop learning… that’s what makes you human.”

#Jen Majura #troy mclawhorn #Evanescence #2021 interviews

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inspirationdivine · 4 years ago

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Blank Space || Todd and Lydia

Timing: Current Parties: @itsyaboytodd @inspirationdivine Summary: Oh Anna, if only there was somebody out there who loved you... Warnings: Emotional abuse, domestic abuse, drug manipulation (leanan sidhe kiss)

There were a dozen reasons why Remmy leaving was devastating, but it made one single task easier. Lydia had spent hours dwelling on the bad, not enough considering the delay it had brought into other parts of her life. Now, it was time. Lydia reapplied her ruby red lipstick, and pulled on her glamour, although Todd would see through it as he had the last few times they met. At the center of her chest, she was starting to feel him. Like a little bud, showing its first leaves, he would grow inside her from each meal she had from here on out, his emotions fogging up her own. Better than Chloe’s, Lydia hoped. Lydia looked at the text she’d sent him. Can you please cancel your plans for today? I need to see you. Like a good little human, he had. She climbed out of the car with a smile. “Todd! Oh gosh, you have no idea how much this means to me! I’ve just had such a difficult week, I’m so glad you’re here!” She wrapped her arms around him as if she meant it, and immediately took his hand in hers. After today, Lydia wasn’t going to let go.

Todd smoothed his hands over his shirt, making sure that it looked nice and neat. He wanted to look his best for Lydia-- he alway did! But, like, she’d been the only thing on his mind lately. After their last date, he’d been up all night, his mind just playing the date over and over again, his entire body practically radiating with excited energy. His mind kept going back to the kiss, to that perfect kiss. He’d been mixing for days after, the beats coming so much smoother, the melody of songs clicking together like effortlessly matched puzzle pieces. The bass, the kick, the build up to the awesome, absolute banger of a drop? His latest song, he wanted to show it to her. When he caught sight of Lydia stepping out of the car, she looked absolutely… amazing. So fucking amazing. How did he get so lucky? “Of course! I’m glad that I could help, I’m sorry that you’ve had a bad week, that sucks.” As she took his hand, he could feel his pulse speed up, stomach flip flopping with nerves but also excitement. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Oh, this sweet innocent pea. Lydia smiled at his carefully chosen attire. He was completely under, wasn’t he? He could see right through her now, which was always a mildly concerning proposition, but apparently even on second viewing he was completely overwhelmed with her. She quickly raised his hand so she could press a quick kiss to the back of his palm, a seemingly casual show of affection, but really a re-enforcement of his good behaviour. “Can we just go for a walk?” Lydia asked. “I just… really want the company. I want to hear about good things. How are you?”

Todd couldn’t take his eyes off Lydia as she took his hand, a slight shiver running down his spine as she pressed her lips to his hand. She was well, she wasn’t like other ladies he’d dated, for sure. Not only was there the whole, like, luminous skin, pointy ears, all that stuff, but she was the only one who’d ever really… liked him for who he was and supported his dreams. “We can definitely do that.” He said with an enthusiastic nod, holding out his arm for her, because he’d seen a dude do it in a movie once. It was, like, the polite thing to do for a classy lady, right? “Good things-- I posted a new song on soundcloud and it got a LOT of traction. Like, way more than I expected.” He said with a slightly flustered laugh, “And I think I might have a new gig coming up? I sent a guy my tracks and he’s gonna let me know, but I think I’ve got a shot.”

Lydia smiled brightly as she tucked her hand in his arm, falling in step beside him as they walked seemingly randomly, but Lydia was slowly steering him towards Harris island. She listened attentively, looking up at him as he talked. All his wonderful progress would have to be dismantled, of course, the existence of DJ Dayze carefully erased from the internet over time. Right now, though, she wasn’t about to curb that enthusiasm. Let him feel inspired. It would make everything so much easier, so much more comfortable. “Oh, I’d love to hear it!” Lydia exclaimed, grinning up at him. “I’m so happy for you, you deserve so many good things.”

Cheeks reddening, Todd walked alongside Lydia, only too happy to follow where she led him. He wasn’t super sure where they were going, but he wasn’t exactly an outdoorsy kinda guy. White Crest was cool because there were parties and bars with sick setups for him to play at, not because of the trees or whatever. “It’s honestly a ba-- really sick song,” Todd said, deciding mid-word that “a banger” wasn’t exactly how he wanted to describe his music to someone like Lydia. “Thanks! I… Yeah, I do.” He said with a sheepish grin. It felt a little weird to say, but Lydia was right. He’d worked hard for what he’d accomplished. And sure, it wasn’t much right now. But it would be.

“You do,” Lydia agreed. “It’s just such a shame your friends can’t see it.” He would be less likely to disagree with her now, but even if he did, all it would reveal is that she had extra work to do, extra things to fix as she brought him in. His sound studio wasn’t even entirely finished, the fog had caused absurd delays in her construction, but she would figure it out. The sooner she could get him productive, the better. Of course, there was also the issue of getting Chloe back to being productive, and she hoped company and a new soul to talk to would draw her out of her… unfortunate funk. Lydia walked with him along the causeway, looking out to the ocean. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it? Sometimes I come along here just to enjoy how beautiful and peaceful it all is. Especially at sunset.”

At Lydia’s words, Todd’s forehead wrinkled in a slight frown. It wasn’t that they didn’t see how hard he worked, right? They were just busy… But, that was kinda the same thing, wasn’t it? They were just, so into their own lives, so busy doing their own cool, awesome real adult stuff that they couldn’t see that he was doing just as serious and awesome stuff too. Swallowing, he shrugged. “I’ll show them once I get my big break.” He said with a grin and a nod. He was going to be the best DJ in Maine, no, in the entire Northeast. And then, he was going to go nationwide. He was gonna show them all that DJ Dayze was the real deal. That he was the real deal. Glancing out at the sea, Todd took in the dark waves. “It really is. I’ve never spent much time out here.” He admitted, “But it’s really really pretty.”

“Absolutely,” Lydia agreed with a smile, but he would never get his big break, would he? She would get hers, but oh, he wouldn’t. “Are you more of an indoors, person, then?” That was good news, if so. Lydia still didn’t quite have them exactly where she wanted, but being down to one meal was horrifically monotonous, and frankly unhealthy for both of them. She needed to be back up to a full house, so the rest of the ground work would have to happen later. All the same, outdoorsy humans were a nightmare to keep in the house. They bounced off the walls, itched to go into the garden, which also wasn’t feasible with Remmy there, and were just harder upkeep. “I’m working on a painting at the moment, repairing it, that shows the Irish coast line. When I look at it, I think of home.”

With a rueful smile, Todd nodded. “Yeah, I’ve always liked chilling at home or like, going to movies or clubs than the outdoors. Like, outdoor sets are fun! But, I’ve never really been a great outdoors kinda dude, you know? I think it’s super pretty though!” He said quickly, just in case Lydia was like, a hiking kind of girl. He didn’t wanna make it sound like he’d hate it if she wanted to go spend the weekend in the outdoors or something. “Oh, that’s really cool.” He said, genuinely interested by that. He didn’t know much about Lydia, where she was from, or how long she’d lived in White Crest. “Have you lived here all your life? Or uh, are you from Ireland?”

“Oh, I get it. My brother is like that. Rather at a nightclub than a forest. Which I totally understand, I love both, the balance. But in my mind, Nature is the original artist, and we can only ever aspire to be as great as her.” Lydia paused, thinking of Sammy’s blood on the walls, how her first thought when his body had dropped to the floor was that the blood spatters had looked like a bouquet. She smiled, shaking away the thought. He had become irrelevant, Todd was the human that mattered now. “Sorry, I hardly meant to wax lyrical like that.” She wrapped her arm around his waist, holding him close. “I grew up in Argentina,” Lydia said. “And Peru. I’ve lived in Northern America most of my life, but my family has a special connection to Ireland. One way or another, it is always home. Then, I’ve only been here in White Crest for a year….Hey, my place isn’t far from here,” She started, as if it was an errant thought, rather than a carefully planned trap. “Do you want to come over for a bit?”

At the mention of a brother, Todd realized that he didn’t even realize that Lydia had siblings. He’d talked about his own siblings, with their careers working for his father, their lives as just three more cogs in the corporate machine. But, had he really never asked her about her own family? “For sure, for sure. I kinda think of music the same way? Like, there are so many cool sounds in nature. There’s music all around you, as long as you listen for it.” He said with a nod. As she apologized, he shook his head energetically. “No, no, I like hearing you talk about art.” He said with a grin. She’d always listened to him, he wanted to show her that he cared too. Because he did, even if he didn’t super get it. “Oh forre-- really? My family’s from Brazil, actually! I grew up in Boston, but I’ve been a couple times. Never been to Peru, though.” At her suggestion, Todd blinked, startled. She was inviting her back to hers? She’d never done that before. “Uh… Yeah! Yeah, that’d be really cool.” He said with a grin.

“I couldn’t agree more. The most joyous sounds of spring are the birds returning, in autumn, the gentle rustling of leaves underfoot.” Lydia laughed. “But those are perhaps not the noises that inspire your music.” Lydia pressed herself closer against his side, lighting up with a false excitement at his agreement. “Wonderful. You can tell me about your trips to Brazil as you go. I’ve been to Brasilia, but nowhere else, which is a horrific shame considering how much the country has to offer.” Lydia said, slowly ambling them along to her home. “I feel so much better just for having you with me, you know? You’re so… You make my life so much more vibrant. You fulfill part of me.” Specifically, her stomach, but she wasn’t about to mention that, not yet. This was all part of the game. First, she would express something loving, intense, what they wanted to hear, and then… Lydia shook her head, smiling in a self deprecating manner, looking like she might blush. “Sorry. I must sound so silly.” Let them tell you how much they wanted to hear it. Make it all seem more real, like you were as swept up by it all as they were.

Letting out a small laugh, Todd nodded. “Yeah, not quite the sounds I go after. But, like, you get what I mean.” He grinned as they continued to walk, arm in arm through the woods. The feeling of her body pressed against him sent his heartbeat racing. God, Lydia was… something else. Just being around her, he didn’t even know how to describe how she made him feel. It was like she was really seeing him, for who he was. “Brasilia, I’ve never been there. My family, we’re from São Paolo, so that’s usually where we went. I’ve been to Rio a few times too, mostly for Carnival with my cousins. Carnival is such a cool time.” He said, thinking back to the colorful costumes and amazing, wild nights he’d had. At her words, Todd felt the feeling in his chest swell, warmth washing over him. “No, no, it’s not silly at all. I, uh… I feel the same way. About you.” He said, a touch bashful.

“That sounds amazing,” Lydia said, leaning into him as she slowly meandered back to her home. Nearly at the end post. “I can only imagine. I mean, I know you’re the party type, so I can only imagine how much you loved Carnival.” Not that there would be any raves where they were going. He blushed, warming up under her words. Lydia’s smile wasn’t as bashful of his, but rather like someone who had drawn the perfect hand in poker, or someone who wanted you to believe they had. “I’m ever so glad to hear that,” she said, tracing small circles on the back of his hand with her thumb. “We’re here,” she breathed, walking them into the driveway of her mansion. She pulled out her keys, waving to O as she unlocked the door. “Well? What do you think?”

“It was just so awesome, being in the middle of it all. We were there for a week and it was the craziest thing I’ve ever done. I want to go again someday. It’s just such a cool time, cuz like, the entire city is just one massive party.” Todd said, thinking back to the crazy times he’d had in Rio. It had been so much fun, partying with his cousins, just bouncing from street party to party that spilled across the city. He’d loved every second of it. As they walked up to the massive house, Todd blinked in surprise. Not that he didn’t expect a mansion-- she had a private driver who picked him up whenever they went places, like, he didn’t not expect a mansion. But, seeing it for real? That was a different story. “Wow. This place is huge. It’s uh,” He nodded, still startled by the house. “It’s amazing. Really really pretty.” He said, not really knowing how else to describe the giant home. “You live here all by yourself? That sounds… kinda lonely.”

Everything was pristine. Lydia wanted it to be. A new start, for him and her both, was just what she needed to get her household under control. A Magritte hung on the wall with a dark wood polished to perfection. There was no evidence in the hall of that dreadful attack, the Bannister and door frame and floor all following and new. Upstairs, she already had new clothes in the dresser, new sheets on the bed. Sammy Metz was all but replaced. "You're ever so kind. I made this place somewhere I wanted to live and show off." She took him by the hand, tugging him into the living room so he could see the large French windows into her small garden. "No, not entirely by myself. Why, are you offering to keep me company?" Lydia murmured, wrapping her arms around his waist, smiling up at him. Even if he wanted to pull away, he couldn't. "You could belong here, you know, here with me. If that's what you want."

Still taking in the massive house, the art, the wooden banisters, Todd was in absolute awe. There was just something so distinctly Lydia about this place. It was elegant and pretty and polished in all the same ways she was. “Makes sense, it really looks like it. Like, that’s… a really cool painting. I feel like I’ve seen it in a museum somewhere.” He said, nodding to the painting on the wall. At her question, Todd felt his cheeks redden and he waved his hands apologetically, “I, uh, that’s not what I was getting at-- it’s just, it’s like this huge house, you know? It seems like it’d be really lonely to be in, that’s all.” He said, trying not to be too forward about the situation. But, Lydia didn’t seem to mind? At least, that’s not how it seemed, with her holding him tight and staring up at him. Swallowing, he looked at her, “Uh… are you sure? I mean, I don’t want to get in the way or anything.”

“You probably have. I was loaning it out to a museum for an exhibition for the last few years,” Lydia replied, grinning up to him. Why were all humans in their twenties so uncultured? Why couldn’t he name even that it was a Magritte? It was truly appalling that the best company in her home was a cat. He blushed, with every beat of his heart stepping closer into her trap. Without Remmy here, it was lonely, but Todd would hardly alleviate that, would he? “I’m sure. Are you? It has to be your choice. I don’t want to pressure you into anything.” The gesture was symbolic more than anything else, but the rituals of the old ways still needed to be followed. He had to say yes, even if her magic was part of the reason. She had him so thoroughly wrapped around her finger that he would have said yes, even without the kiss, but he still had to say it.

“Seriously? Wow, that’s ins--” Todd caught himself, he didn’t want to sound like a total loser, “Incredible. Like, really. That’s so cool that you have something like this. But, uh, I guess it makes sense, given your work.” He nodded, trying to hide how just out of his depth he was. He knew that Lydia worked with art, restoring them, but the specifics of it were all a bit of a mystery to him. As she continued to talk, Todd rubbed the back of his neck, trying to hide how her words made him feel. She was sure, she wanted him here. She knew how hard he worked for his music, she appreciated him. And she… wanted him. It felt nice, being wanted. “I, uh… If you’re sure, I’d like that. I’d like to, uh, live here with you. Together.” He said.

Lydia could not stand this small talk for one second longer. His talents far outweighed how interesting he was. She just smiled appreciatively, tucking her hair behind her should. “I like owning pretty things.” She was so ready to pull away from him to wash the human grime off her skin, and then when he spoke she had to stop herself stamping her feet in annoyance. I’d like and I will were just ever so grammatically too far apart. In spirit, they were the same. She just needed a little more, to ensnare him in her little red promise threads. Lydia pressed herself a little closer, grinning so much it hurt her cheeks, as if he had made her whole week. “Promise me you won’t leave me?” She murmured into his ear, sliding one hand around the back of his neck.

The way she was looking up at him, the way that she just seemed to see him, all of him, and care? Todd was smitten. He… wow, he really, really liked her. More than any other girl he’d dated, because she wasn’t like the other girls. There was more to her and he wanted to know it all. She cared so much about what he did, had supported him so much, and he wanted to be able to do the same for her. At her question, as she wrapped her hand around him, he could feel the warmth of her pressed against him. “I… I’d never leave you. Never.” He said, shaking his head at the idea. “I promise, I’ll be here for you.” He said, because it was true. In all the ways she’d been there for him, he wanted to be there for Lydia.

“Oh Todd…” Lydia smirked, running her fingers through a lock of his hair. “That was far too easy.” She dropped back down to her heels and stepped away, smoothing down her clothes. She chuckled, giddy on a successful hunt. It was almost good enough to heal the ache in her chest. Her face shifted, her affection mask dropped to one of indifference to him and pride in herself. It was a delicious feeling. “But then you never were the brightest spark. Chloe!” She called up the stairs, pursing her lips as Chloe slunk into view, staring at Todd with a sinking look of understanding. “Meet Todd. He’s the one the sound production studio is for.”

“Easy..?” Todd echoed, not sure what was going even as Lydia pulled away. What did she mean by that? What was going on? His eyebrows pinched together as he watched the way her face shifted, into an expression he’d never seen before. It was a completely different side of her. What? “Brightest spark-- I don’t understand. Who?” Head spinning in confusion, he looked up to where Lydia was speaking and saw a girl emerge from one of the doors, her face falling as she stared at him. It almost looked like she was… sad? Sad for him? What? “Sound production studio? What’s… what’s going on, Lydia?” He asked as he stared back and forth from the two women. “Who’s that?”

“How can I put this succinctly? Todd, you aren’t my dinner date, you’re my dinner,” Lydia gestured for Chloe to come downstairs. “Come on now, you can see I’m not human.” She gestured at her ears and her wings. “You’ve been able to see that for a while, there’s no denying it.” Since their first kiss, after all. “Chloe will take you through the details, I’m far too busy for all that, but now that you’ve promised to stay here, you won’t get to leave. I’ve already even picked out your new clothes.” She pat his cheek with a bright smile. “Smile, Todd. This is an honour. An honour where your brain and body collapses under my influence until I have consumed every part of your spirit in a few short years, but an honour nonetheless. You were the most talented of all the humans I hunted these last few months.” Lydia wondered what Remmy might have said, had they seen this. Would it have horrified them more or less than the basement, she wondered idly. She shoved the thought away before it could sour her mood further. “Chloe, darling, now.” She glared at the other woman, before looking back at Todd. “Of course, I expect your complete obedience, but don’t worry. I will reward good behaviour with the approval you desperately crave. Chloe! Speaking of, Todd, give me your phone, and any other communication devices you have on you. Now, please.” She held out her hand with an expectant smile.

Chloe stood frozen at the top of the stairs, staring down at the boy in the hall. He looked even younger than Sammy had, but she didn’t know if that was because he was, or because he looked so lost. No matter how much she willed herself to move, she couldn’t quite do it. Anneliese had done it for her, and for Sammy. She’d done it without flinching, with a soft smile and a kind hand as she explained in her soft voice the hell they had found themselves in. Chloe had resented her for it for months, and Anneliese had just smiled and accepted that as she smiled and accepted everything else. Like Anneliese had been playing the good jailor to Lydia’s bad jailor. Even as their friendship had grown, it had taken Chloe years to realise that that gentle warm flame had to be carefully cultivated and protected from every icy gust and flaring temper. Sammy hadn’t gotten angry at Anneliese at all, but he hadn’t processed anything for a week, until one night he’d collapsed in Anneliese’s arms in roaring sobs. She’d been strong as a willow tree then, and had held him as long as he needed. But now there was no Anneliese. There was no Sammy. Chloe would have to do this for Todd. She didn’t know if she could. Chloe swallowed as Lydia barked her name, and slowly forced herself down the stairs. She didn’t even look at Lydia, watching Todd to work out what he needed. Praying she could provide whatever that would be.

Still frozen in place, Todd stared at Lydia, not able to comprehend just what she was saying. Dinner… She was… He-- what? “What do you mean I can’t leave, I can just,” He said, starting to turn towards the door. But, even as he took the first few steps towards the door, he felt his stomach start to twist and turn. It started out as discomfort before shifting into full on pain as he tried to put his hand on the doorknob. His hand felt like needles, burning hot and searing, were being pushed into his skin as he gripped the door and he let out a cry before pulling his hand away. Looking down at his hand, Todd stared. It looked fine, there was nothing wrong with it. But, his stomach continued to writhe and the pain continued to grow and grow until he was dizzy from it all. Shaking his head, he reeled away from the door. “What’s… what did you do to me?” He asked Lydia, not understanding what was going on. “My phone? I… Why?” He asked.

Lydia rolled her eyes, pursing her lips as he made to move for the door. She didn’t move, she didn’t have to, as the invisible chains tying him to this house made themselves ever so clear. Humans were so repetitive, really. Every hunt was a carefully choreographed dance, and Lydia always knew what her prey’s next step would be. “I made you mine. Isn’t that what you wanted?” Her smile was sharp and icy, lips closed, so that he knew her patience was wearing thin. “Because you won’t need it anymore. God, you are slow. I don’t have all day, you really don’t want to provoke my ire.” Lydia clicked her fingers impatiently, before opening her hand for his phone again.

God, she had faced so much of Lydia’s rage and grief recently. Was it terrible to be the tiniest grateful there would be someone else to share it with her? It was, Chloe decided immediately, looking at the confusion and hurt in his eyes. Lydia had been hunting him for so long, now. “Todd, please- please just give it to her.” Chloe hated saying it, the words sickening her mouth. It felt like a betrayal. But Chloe hadn’t insisted the Sammy let go of his plans with Ariana, and- her stomach lurched. “Please.” Her voice cracked.

“Made me yours?” Todd shook his head, clutching at his stomach. He felt sick, he felt like his body was going to collapse in on himself as he tried to fight through the feeling. She didn’t, she didn’t control him. He wasn’t hers. Not like that. He cared about her, he-- God, he thought he loved her. But this, it wasn’t love. It was all an act. “You don’t… I thought you cared about me.” He said, bitterness and fear leaking into his voice. “My friends, they’ll know something’s up if you take my phone. They’ll figure it out.” Todd said, pleading. Hoping that it would work. He could only hope that it was true. But, would any of his friends notice? Would any of them care?

Looking at the other woman, he stared at her with wide eyes. “Chloe-- who are you? Why are you listening her?” He asked, though a creeping feeling grew in his stomach, overwhelming the sense of pain. The feeling was dread, was fear. Fear that she was exactly like him. Trapped. A hostage. A prisoner.

How many people had Anneliese done this for? Six, seven humans, who had walked in here looking for love, attention, fame, and had not walked out ever again. Todd looked at her with a slow realisation that cracked open Chloe’s heart and splintered her soul. How Anneliese had done this more than once was beyond her. She tried to smile, but it felt more like a gash across her lips. “It’s o- I’ll help you, okay? I’ll explain everything.” But she didn’t dare go closer, not while Lydia glared daggers at him. When it came to her own instincts and the magical desire to please Lydia, the latter would always win.

Lydia’s voice had no such kindness in them. “I think you have excessive faith in your friends. You certainly have excessive faith in my patience. You’ve barely been here five minutes, and you’re already a disappointment. I really expected better of you, Todd.” He’d succumb. They all did, in the end. And once he got a taste of how good obeying could be, she wouldn’t have to deal with this again. Especially once he succumbed to the promises she would ask him to make.

Eyes darting between Chloe and Lydia, Todd felt the fear grow and claw in the pit of his stomach. Chloe was going to help him? Could he even trust her? But, he didn’t see how he had any choice in the matter, not anymore. Looking back at the door, the motion sent a fresh wave pain shooting through his body and Todd let out a whimper of pain. He did his best to hide the way it hurt, the way all of this hurt. Not just on a physical level but… he’d thought that Lydia had cared about him. He thought she’d loved him. How had this happened? With a reluctant expression on his face, Todd pulled his phone out of his pocket and handed it to Lydia. “That’s all I have. I don’t… Please. Why are you doing this?” He asked, still trying to wrap his head around it all.

“There. Oh, Todd, you’ve made me ever so happy. I knew you would do the right thing.” Lydia pulled a face at his lock screen before turning the phone off altogether. Then she looked up at him and smiled, stretching on her toes to kiss his cheek, knowing with a precise cruelty how much he would crave her acceptance. It was like giving a starving man a Christmas roast. “Because I need to eat. There are worse places to be. Honestly, Todd, you would have inevitably been eaten by a zombie or something in the next few years anyway, torn limb from limb in some terribly disturbing way. Here, you get all your own space, your own sound production studio, you’ll spend the rest of your short life in the lap of luxury, if you behave.” Lydia gestured Chloe over, who paused just short of putting a hand on Todd’s shoulder. “I’m not particularly interested in answering all your questions or dealing with… this, so I am leaving you in Chloe’s hands. I still have to get the singer, and then deal with your social media presences. It is ever such an inconvenience how much all modern artists self-advertise these days.” Lydia looked to Chloe sharply. “Sammy’s old bed is already made up. Show Todd around, and make sure that by the time I’m back, he is ready to make the rest of his promises. I don’t want to deal with this behaviour again, am I understood? You’ll be good for me, won’t you, Todd?”

The relief, the strange easing sense of calm that washed over him at her words, Todd couldn’t understand it. But, it felt so good, knowing that she was happy with him. He wanted her to be happy, that was… no, it wasn’t all he wanted. He wanted to leave this place, he wanted to run away as fast as he could. But, it felt so good, so right, knowing that he’d done well by Lydia. It just didn’t make sense, it didn’t. He hated this, but he loved her, hated what she’d done, but couldn’t help the way he just wanted to please her. What was happening? Barely able to focus on her words, Todd nodded dumbly, still in a state of shock. What was she talking about? Need to eat? Zombies? What? No, those things were just like… horror movie gimmicks. They weren’t real. But, her question jolted him out of his daze and he blinked. “I… I want to.” He said because, as much as it pained him to admit it, the words were the truth. Even though every inch of him screamed no, he still wanted to be good for her, to make Lydia happy. Why? Why was this happening?

“That’s what I wanted to hear,” Lydia pat his cheek twice, with another rewarding smile. Beyond that, this wasn’t her problem right now. She pulled out her own phone, texting her next treat as she turned away.

He looked like someone had wacked the back of his head with a pan. What had Anneliese even said to her, the first time? Had she made her a cup of coffee? Hot cocoa? Had she shown Chloe the shared upstairs bedroom, their own private bathroom and kitchenette area? Chloe remembered learning about these things, but it was all stilted, as torn up as she had been when she’d realised her escape had been impossible. The bed had been good; Chloe had just sank into the mattress and pulled the duvet over her own head until the world had melted away in her own tears. Was that- was that what Todd needed right now? She tried touching his shoulder, as if that might snap him out of his daze, and opened her mouth only to close it, the words dying in her mouth. Lydia seemed unperturbed by her flustered silence, switching out her coat for a more distinguished, autumnal look. Like a whirlwind, Lydia was back out of the door, leaving them both in the synthetic cold of her absence. “We’re not supposed to linger in the hallway.” Even to Chloe, she sounded hollow.

The moment Lydia had left, Todd had assumed he would feel some kind of relief. That he would feel glad that she was gone. But, instead, the same kind of aching yearning that had filled him since that date, when she’d pressed her lips to his and everything had changed. Bitterly, he shook his head, running his hands through his hair. “Why’s this happening to me? I... I thought she cared about me.” He muttered, tears starting to prickle at the corner of his eyes. Todd swiped at his face with the back of his hand. He didn’t want to cry, he didn’t want to just stand here and cry in front of a total stranger. Sucking in a deep breath, he nodded. “Yeah, sure.” He said, “I’m sorry.” Todd mumbled, miserably. He wasn’t sure why he was apologizing, only that it felt like the right thing to say. After all, she was stuck here too, right?

“It’s not your fault. It’s not-” Chloe choked on her own words, because how could she tell him right now that Lydia did? In her own monstrous way, she cared, because she felt what they felt. She would hear their dying thoughts, strip them of all their privacy, and perhaps that was the only reason she cared, but she did. She chose the victims she could most tolerate being around, and that was as much as Lydia could care for any human. But it was no reassurance that the monster in the would destroy them with affection. “Don’t apologise to me. You’re going to be doing it so often anyway.” She was still rooted to the spot. “Uh, shit. Um. I’ll, uh, I can show you the bedroom? We can, uh, talk or you can have some time. We have to talk, before she gets back, but if you need a minute- I-” How had Anneliese done this? Chloe ran her hand through her hair. “Shit. Let’s go upstairs.”

Feeling numb, Todd nodded at the woman’s words. “I think… I think I need a minute. But, thanks. Chloe, right?” He asked with a weak grin. He didn’t know how she’d wound up in this situation too, or even why he was here. Lydia’s words, they just confused him more and more. But, his mind was too much of a mess for him to process anything else. He needed to be alone and just get a handle on what was going on. If he even could. Following her up the stairs, he entered one of the bedrooms. The room was clean, the bed neatly made, clothes hanging in the closet. It was cold and clean and completely removed of any sort of personality. Sinking onto the bed, Todd dropped his head into his hands, his shoulders shaking as the fear finally overtook him. A strangled cry of anguish worked its way free from his throat and he shook his head violently from side to side. No, no, no, no, no.

This morning, he’d woken up, thinking that it was just any other ordinary day. And now? He was a prisoner.

#domestic abuse tw #emotional abuse tw #para #chatzy #todd #drug manipulation tw

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radramblog · 4 years ago

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Album Discussion- The Fall of Troy

Last week I discussed an album that, more or less, was defined by looseness and empty spaces. This might as well be the polar opposite of that.

(man no-one seems to have uploaded this album art in high res)

Released in 2003, The Fall of Troy is a self-titled mathcore/post-hardcore/screamo debut album made by 3 17 year olds- and in some ways that shows, but it’s not like they were fresh, they’d had two EPs under a different name by that point. The Fall of Troy is probably best known by their song F.C.P.R.E.M.I.X., having been featured as a bonus track in Guitar Hero III, which is notably, not on this album. Rather, their second album, Doppelganger, had a few tracks that were basically retakes of songs from this first album. But we’re not talking about Doppelganger (and I still can’t find a bloody CD of it), we’re talking about The Fall of Troy, by The Fall of Troy, so let’s bloody well dive in.

The first song on here, Rockstar Nailbomb!, is as much a statement of intent as anything I’ve ever seen. It’s starts with hoarsely screamed, incomprehensible vocals over a frenetic set of guitar riffs, that cuts back into a more traditional song structure, you know, after a bit. Like any good opener, it’s introducing what you’re going to be getting from the album- songs that, while extremely energetic, tend to cut between sung vocals and screamed ones at a moment’s notice, complex and overlapping guitar riffs, and a very deliberately unpolished sound. The technical skill on display is incredible considering the age of the band, as well. For such a short song, Rockstar Nailbomb! goes in some real places, closing with a line that would be appropriate to finish off the album as a whole- but of course, we’re just getting started.

The next song is called Spartacus, and it shows off the talent of the drummer in a way that the previous didn’t. Unfortunately, I almost feel like this song was kind of a half-formed idea, considering it’s a minute and a quarter long, and the…squeal…? Near the end is kind of offputting. A mid one.

Oh boy it wouldn’t be a nerd band without ridiculous track names- next up is The Circus That Has Brought Us Back to These Nights (Yo Chocola), and no I don’t fucking know what that means. This one ironically feels the most like a song than the others before it, a slightly more traditional structure, the screaming and singing vocals forming something of a call-and-response that would probably make more sense if I could understand the lyrics half the time. Despite this, it’s no less speedy, frantic, and intricate, mixes between melody and dissonance that are basically the band’s signature.

The fourth track is named Mouths Like Sidewinder Missiles, and it’s one of my favourite tracks on the album. I can’t really describe why, though, so I’m going to take a minute to talk about something else. See, this is one of the tracks that was redone for Doppelganger, and on Spotify, for whatever reason, has the title misspelled “Misssiles”. I let them know about this years ago and they never fixed it, so I guess this is my callout post. For what it’s worth, I think the Doppelganger version is a bit looser, adding in some elements in the empty space (there’s a reverb after the initial riff I really love), but both have their own merits.

Okay, mild rant over, back to regular old rambling. The next track is The Last March of the Ents, Lord of the Rings reference very much intended. This is one of those tracks I always forgets exists to be honest, like the intro started and I was like…what was this one again? And then the bit at like 50 seconds came in and I remembered everything. That section is honestly really strong, though unfortunately the rest of the track kinda feels just like Mouths like Sidewinder Missiles, but like, slightly worse? Which is especially awkward considering it immediately proceeds that song. I will say the part of the song where it slows alllll the way down is really enjoyable, it’s very gradual and smooth, gives the bass a bit of time to shine, before blowing back up again because these guys just can’t bear to play slow for half a minute.

The next track is F.C.P.S.I.T.S.G.E.P.G.E.P.G.E.P. This is the song that their most popular track, F.C.P.R.E.M.I.X. is a version of, and they’ve never actually stated what the acronym is for. A common (and I believe discredited) suggestion is, and I quote, “Fuck condoms, premarital sex is the shit, get ‘er pregnant get ‘er pregnant get ‘er pregnant”, which is A Take. It also has nothing to do with the lyrics of the song itself. This track is actually by far the loosest and slowest on the album completely, appropriate considering it’s first words are “slow down”. There’s really not a lot of screaming on it, left only to the chorus, and they’re actually understandable which is nice (or maybe it’s just because I know it’s “come running home”). This is undoubtedly an emo track, based on the lyrics, but it’s also just kind of excellent, similarly complex lyrics slowed down to a comprehensible tempo and a bridge that builds in a supremely satisfying manner. The comparison to R.E.M.I.X. is of course, inevitable, and I will say the tightening up did help in some places- the very slow section at the latter part of the song probably doesn’t need to go that long, and that’s easily the part that gets sped up most in the redo. Still, the song stands out very naturally, feeling more thoughtful and controlled than its peers.

The next song is titled “Whacko Jacko Steals The Elephant Man’s Bones”, apparently a reference to…a music video where Michael Jackson danced next to a recreation of the skeleton of a famously deformed man. Yeah, ok, sure. I don’t actually have much to say about this one, it’s very scream-led, but doesn’t really stand out to me apart from the naming. It’s play rating supports this, being the second least listened track here, but it’s by no means bad. It’s just kinda long and as generic as something like this can be, I suppose. Honestly I kinda forgot all the directions this goes, some of these sections are really quite excellent, but the song is probably like 2 minutes longer than it needed to be. I’m just saying. Like I kept waiting for this song to try and change my mind and it kinda just didn’t.

Reassurance Rests in the Sea is up next, and god that little riff it’s building around, that just noodles around but at triple speed, is just so sick. It’s a song that spends a lot more time cutting itself down- like F.C.P.etc. it’s looser and slower, but substantially more disjointed than that one is. This song, uh, completely breaks off like two minutes in and just stops. And becomes a different song. Like, I don’t think this is a bonus track or anything, it’s just a part of the same song. And that second half is a really sort of chill (for this album) instrumental, lead by a bassline that slowly gets more riffs over the top of it. And then that bit stops itself, and the main song returns again for like the final half a minute or so. And honestly I was just like, wait, no, go back…….

The actual least listened to track on the album is number 9, The Adventures of Allan Gordon (it’s apparently about a book). Honestly, I’d kinda love to hear this live, because the first minute or so of it is the kind of thing you’d play as an interstitial to keep the audience going while you get your shit ready for the next song. Eventually (and I mean eventually, song’s a third through at this point) the lyrics and such come in, and yeah ok I see why this one isn’t as popular. It’s like, fine? Like, that cut back section is pretty overall mediocre, but when we get back to the screaming and the riffs and the noise its as solid as ever. It’s a little frustrating, because they can do the more lyrical stuff, F.C.P. is right there, but this one doesn’t quite make the mark for me. A shame.

Track 10 is I Just Got This Symphony Goin’, which does not have an actual symphony, but it does present and absolutely killer opening riff, so it’s not all bad. This is one of the songs I most associate with the album, even if it’s one of the ones also on Doppelganger. Its speeding up and slowing down and screaming and singing and lots of interweaving and yeah. I like it. Iunno.

The final song, What Sound Does a Mastodon Make? (I dunno, ask a paleontolgist?), is a full seven minutes, 2 minutes longer than the next longest track. It’s kind of interesting, since the second half of the album going by tracks is much much longer than the first half. It does this really fun bit where the lead guitar and rhythm guitar do their own little call and response thing, immediately followed by one of the weirdest vocal noises I’ve ever heard, and I don’t have a word to describe it, so you’re gonna have to either trust me or listen to it yourself. This song is just really, really long, man, and it goes in a lot of places but none of them are exceptional enough to really justify slogging through a total 7 minutes of it. I’m going to be honest, I’m probably not going to listen to it unless I’m going through the whole album. The extended build near the end is pretty sick, I guess? And the way the last minute just decides to, like, drop everything, and just end with a very quiet, indie-esque instrumental. Like the very “we did it, now we can relax” sort of moment. Lets both you and the band know its over, and you can move on past your energy high to something a bit more chill.

I think the best phrase I can use to describe The Fall of Troy is “ADHD music”. Both in that it feels almost a little distractable sometimes, multidirectional and often not fully resolving its lines, and also in that said lines are great if you’re someone like myself who’s brain needs something to be chewing over while the more conscious parts are trying to do something else. To be clear, I consider this a compliment. Like most music I discuss, this certainly isn’t for everyone, as you’re going to need a tolerance for adrenaline and screaming to enjoy this album, but I do think it’s worth the attempt. Now, I haven’t listened to Doppelganger (or any of the other albums for that manner) in full, so I can’t comment on how the style of The Fall of Troy would evolve over time. But at the very least, this is a very solid starting point for what would become a surprisingly long-lasting act.

#ramble #music #mathcore #the fall of troy

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #301

“i was waiting for my chance to find the light”

Did you like the beach a lot more as a kid more than you do now? Why/Why not? I did. Everything was more fun as a kid. I never REALLY loved it, though, because I did and still do hate the heat and walking through sand and getting it stuck all over you. It's pretty much torture now because I have extreme difficulty walking through sand. Has there ever been a time where you just couldn't stop crying? Explain. I know I've had days many years ago when my PTSD was truly awful where I'd sob multiple times a day. What's your least favorite time of day? Why don't you like that time?Late afternoon, like around 3-4 or so. By that point I'm usually bored senseless and going downhill. Do you like your lips? Do you enjoy kissing? They're fine, ig. And I mean yeah, if I'm really into the person? Do you like any music from the American Idols? Which ones? Ngl, I don't even remember any besides Kelly Clarkson, and who the FUCK doesn't like "Breakaway." Do you like when people challenge you? If so, in what? No, I get nervous about embarrassing myself. Personally for you, is falling for someone way beyond your control? It is entirely out of my control. What's something other than a fruit that you love in milkshakes? (Ex.twix ) Mostly chocolate stuff, haha. What is your all time FAVORITE milkshake? Ever tried the Reese's Blast from Sonic? That's some A+ shit. What's the latest you've ever stayed up reading a book? No clue. When having a peanut butter & jam sandwich, what is the best kind of jam? Grape. Do you like to write poetry? Yeah, but it's been a long time since I wrote anything. I used to do it aaall the time, but now I have to be seriously motivated and dedicated to the idea. When you get mad do you cry? Absolutely. Would you ever consider modeling? No. I do think one or two model-esque photos of myself would be nice and possibly help my self-confidence, but it's not something I'm seeking out and paying for. Are you scared of crossing bridges? Not very, no. If they're kinda sketchy-looking, I might feel a tad tense, but I'm not really scared of them. Would you consider yourself clumsy? I am unfuckingbelievably clumsy. Ever bought ice cream from an ice cream truck? Yeah, sometimes Mom would let me and my sisters do that as kids when one came through our neighborhood. Have you ever had a poem or story published? No. If you had/have a kid would you ever let them get a tattoo? If they were of the appropriate age, of course. And if they were getting it done professionally and not at some party drunk with friends. They better be in a sterile environment with someone who knows what they're doing. Do you love guinea pigs? Absolutely. I had three or four as pets when I was a kid. What is the worst thing you ever did that got you grounded? Probably run away from home. Have you ever been chased by a snake? No... and this is a misconception. Snakes don't chase. They go for what they see as the safest escape route, and sometimes they identify your own chosen direction as where they wanted to head, too. Where do you wanna work? I want to be a freelance photographer. What awards have you won? A lot of "A honor roll" trophies through school, among other academic awards. I seriously don't know what happened to that intelligence. I also have dance awards and lots of childhood sports team stuff. Would you consider yourself good at taking care of kids? I don't think I am, no. I'm way too nervous and awkward around kids. I've had to babysit for my sister twice though, and Ashley told me the kids had lots of fun and had no complaints. I guess like... I can do it, I am just very, very uncomfortable taking kids under my wing. I worry about leading them in the wrong direction. How old would a guy have to be before you wouldn't date them? I don't know, it would really depend on how much I was into the person. I generally stick with the approximation of a ten year gap though being my limit, so I think maybe him being in his mid-30s would make me feel a bit too weird. Be honest, have you ever tried weed? No, but quite honestly, I'd probably try an edible. I refuse to smoke anything for my lungs' sake. I'm curious if medical marijuana would actually be beneficial for me. Has anyone ever broken up with you with a note? No, but uh... I have, lol. It's how I broke up with my "puppy-dog love" boyfriend in middle school. Literally after he asked me if I was thinking of breaking up with him, and I said no before handing him the note because I was just too scared to do it to his face. I know, that was absolutely awful. Never, ever do that to the most innocent boy ever, kids. He didn't deserve that. Do you have sensitive teeth? Kinda. What was the worst thing you ever did to get detention/suspended? I've only ever had detention once for having too many tardies to my first class of the day in high school. We'd frequently arrive to school just a few minutes late because I was fucking impossible to drag out of bed. Have you ever suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder? Yes. Do you suffer from nasal allergies? Yes. What's your favorite kind of pudding? I only really like chocolate pudding. Have you done anything really interesting lately? I guess you could consider starting a virtual partial hospitalization program "interesting." It's not the intensive version like my first was, but rather being shorter. I just really need something to get my mental health back on the tracks. What’s the latest really fun thing you’ve done? REALLY fun? Hell if I know. I don't experience "fun" a lot at all anymore... I only ever feel like, this watered down, unenthusiastic sorry excuse for it. Have you discovered any good music lately? Oh yeah, I've found lots of 3TEETH songs I'm mad into. "ULTRAnumb" by Blue Stahli is also a total bop. How about any good new television shows? No. Or perhaps some interesting books? Nothing new, no. Have you picked up a new hobby or learned a new skill? I mean, within what timespan? Nothing lately, really. Has anybody ever done your makeup for you? Yeah. Do you own any sparkly items of clothing? No. What’s the most colorful accessory you own and use? *shrug* Do you enjoy drag artists’ work? If so, name some of your favorites. Oh yes, I have wild respect for drag queens. I don't know enough of them to have a fair favorite, but I do watch Trixie Mattel on YouTube and he is a goddamn hoot. What, right now, is the best thing in your life? Um. I don't really know. Probably the fact my mother still lets my too-big-for-the-nest ass to live with her... I don't want to picture how my life would be if I didn't have her still essentially holding my hand. What’s a place you like to go to when you need to get away for a bit? I actually love car rides for this, so long as I can ride passenger and just blare my music and not talk. It's so odd, being afraid of driving but finding great freedom and comfort in just... going. Do you like apples? I love apples. Anything exciting coming up for you in the near future? I paid the deposit for my tattoo appointment, so it was officially scheduled in May!! I was expecting an open date to be kinda far with just how amazing this parlor is, so I wasn't too shocked to hear I have to wait a few months, but man I can hardly wait. When you get an account for something, what's the first username you try? Unless it's for a "professional" site, in which case I'd use my actual name, I just about without fail with use "Ozzkat," or replace the "o" with a zero if that's somehow taken. Would you be okay with a friend wanting to date one of your exes? Which ex? What kind of accent do people typically have where you're from? Southern. Does history interest you at all? Can't say it does. What's something you wish you could do-over? There are many things, man. Is your hair in layers or is it all the same length? Neither, really. The left side of my head is very short/shaved, and as the hair goes around to the right, it gets longer. There aren't "layers," though. Is there anyone who you're afraid to be in a car with, if they're driving? I wouldn't say afraid, but with my sister's road rage and serious tail-gating issue, riding with her can make me nervous. What's something you're very good at? Um, I guess creative writing. Do you like sour gummy worms? oh FUCK yeah Would you pick up a hitchhiker if they seemed harmless? No. I am way too paranoid for that shit. Would you be bothered if your boyfriend liked to bite you? Uhhh I'm going to assume you mean this in a sexual context, in which case I don't care so long as it's not in a visible spot. How often do you get the opportunity to be completely alone? The answer used to be a shitload, and seeing as I'm in my room most of the time, I still feel like that's kind of true, but since Mom's cancer diagnosis and she had to stop working, she's usually home with me. I like it that way, though. Total isolation is bad for me. Do you have a trampoline? Nah, haven't in many years. What's your favorite Pixar movie? Finding Nemo. What is the strangest thing you've been asked? Something sexual that made me extremely uncomfortable. What’s the weirdest thing about life that people just accept as normal? The fact we put so much worth into pieces of green paper. What's the most random thing you've done out of boredom? *shrug* What show did your parents not let you watch as a kid? There weren't any specific shows that we even wanted to watch that Mom forbade us to see... I mean she certainly wouldn't let my sisters and I watch something like South Park as little kids, but none of us really sought unsuitable shows out. We were all about Disney, Nick, and Animal Planet in my case. What is the most pleasurable feeling that doesn't involve anything sexual? What comes to mind first is a big hug from someone who makes you feel safe when you don't anywhere else. What was your last "oops, wrong person" moment? I'm going to assume I sent somebody a text meant for another person. I'm super careful about avoiding stuff like this because I get horribly embarrassed, so it's difficult to recall the last time I slipped up. What do you find attractive that isn't considered "normal" attraction? Having a broad imagination and drive to create. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve done drunk? N/A What's something you really enjoy, but can't have? A pet tarantula because Mom refuses to let me lmao. I'm so into them now and desperately want a Grammastola pulchra. What Wikipedia article have you recently read? I haven't read any recently. What subject should be taught at schools, but isn't? Basic adulting and financial skills. What is the worst game you've ever played? I dunno. I've played sooooo many video games throughout my life. What tragic event was coincidentally beneficial to you? My overdose because it led to an intensive partial hospitalization program that totally changed my life. What did you think was cool when you were younger that you now think isn’t? Good question... What are your favorite or most memorable lines from any movie/show? I vaguely remember the concepts of some quotes, but not well enough to recite them. None that are seriously memorable or heavy pop up in my head now. What's a good example of 'Don't knock it till you try it'? Putting peanut butter on top of waffles with syrup. It is fucking delicious. What's your go-to get pumped up song? 5FDP's cover of "Mama Said Knock You Out" is badass HYPE. What's the dumbest thing your parents have said or done? Well, through a family assessment before my current partial hospitalization could begin, I very recently learned my dad fucking did drugs before my sisters and I were born, including shit like cocaine. That was great to suddenly learn. As for my mom... probably have a kid too young? She doesn't talk very much about her eldest daughter's history with (and without) her, but I know enough to know that was a very rocky time in her life. What are some things you wish existed? Cures for countless illnesses, and I also have SUUUUUCH a yearning for some kind of technology that could copy an image in your head onto a drawing device. If only I could draw how/what I see up there... Which person shaped you the most? Jason. Or Mom. What’s the one movie you couldn’t finish? Why? Couldn't tell you; I just haven't watched enough. What's a small thing you have a big passion for? Meerkats, quite literally with "small" lmao. What change have you made recently to help the environment? I have metal straws I try to remember to bring with me if I go out to eat. What was the hardest thing you've ever had to forgive? The way Jason left. Is there anything or anyone you're angry at, that you haven't forgiven yet? I sometimes question if I truly have forgiven Jason. I lean kinda heavily towards yes, I have, I'm just bitter about it all regardless. Have you ever plotted revenge against someone? No. Have you ever done anything to get revenge against someone? I can't think of anything off the top of my head. What is the greatest longing of your heart? To feel purpose. Who was your first love? Some guy in high school who "had" to talk to me upon seeing me the first time, only to wind up wanting to hear nothing from me later on down the line. What denomination is your church (if you go)? N/A What was the first year you voted in a presidential election? This most recent election, actually. Have you ever been afraid of the world ending? I used to worry it would happen in my lifetime, but now I don't. If it ends, it ends. I ain't got much to lose nowadays. What is unfair about your life? My mental health. My financial position. I'd rather not focus on the billion shitty things going on in my life rn, so next question. Did you write love poems when you were younger? ugh Who are you jealous of and why? There's a lot of people I'm in some way envious of, honestly. Have you ever had an account of yours hacked? Yes. Thankfully nothing major happened. Have you ever been a victim of police misconduct? No.

#survey #surveys #questions #questionnaire #lyrics: ''creatures x: to the grave'' by motionless in white

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slamsams-blog · 4 years ago

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Moonraker - #24WeeksofBond

Happy Labor Day! Here we are, the last Bond film until November’s release of No Time To Die. In a world, and in a year where everything has seemed to slow down due to the chaos and the uncertainty of a global pandemic...this project has done what I wanted it to, which was speed things up. I can’t believe we are already in September and only two months away from No Time To Die’s release. This has been fun and watching all the Bond films out of order has opened my eyes and offered a fresh perspective of each film respectively. That being said, Moonraker finishes our Bond marathon out and it actually was exactly what I remember it being, so no real eye opening, out of body experience here.

As a young adult I always rather enjoyed the humorous side of the Bond films. I thought the dirty one liners were hilarious and the gadgets were super cool. Which is why Moonraker had been one film I looked forward to as we would go through the Bond films in sequential order, over and over again. These days my palate is a bit more refined. I’ve matured and developed a taste for good story over anything else. Moonraker offers everything on the surface, a rather “paint by the numbers” Bond film; there is nothing hidden, nothing to go back and figure out. Not saying that that isn’t welcomed sometimes, but I would still like to try and figure out just who is behind everything rather than just being told right away.

Moonraker was a reactionary move on the part of Eon productions after Star Wars came out and after the box office numbers saw huge dollars, they decided to change gears. It had become customary after every Bond movie to reveal the title of the next Bond film in the closing credits, after The Spy Who Loved Me the credits rolled and said “James Bond Will Return In: For Your Eyes Only”. Whoops. Well because Bond is being reactionary here and because they only allowed a couple years in between each Bond movie, it was hard to change pace and give each Bond movie a unique flavor like the Daniel Craig Movies; therefor we get just another run of the mill, funny ha-ha Moore Bond movie...but in space with freakin laser beams!

We open up in the pre-title sequence with an airplane carrying a space shuttle called the Moonraker, but gets hijacked mid air. This causes alarm so Bond is called in, but before he reports for duty Bond is accidentally thrown from the airplane he is in by the returning Jaws! Yes, Jaws had been so incredibly popular that he had to come back, but this time...he’s pretty much a clown, but I’m kinda into it. Not the creepy ass clown we see in a dark alley which was horrifying...but just a regular clown that entertains kids at barbecues. I think it really would’ve worked better had they not re-introduced Jaws until after Drax’s man Cha dies.

Back to the film...Well, Bond says the shuttles are made by Hugo Drax (Michael Lonsdale) so that must be it. And yep, it is. Pretty simple. I wonder if they could’ve at least gave us a few scenes with Drax to speculate if it is him, or if he is being set up before we see Drax’s evil side. Drax and Bond have tea and Bond can’t even get out the door before Drax is telling his guy to F him up. So the plot is pretty much spelled out for you, the only thing we have to wonder...is why? Before we come to that answer, we are pretty much taken on a 2 hour ride of Drax’s people trying to kill Bond, but failing. Seriously, Drax has someone around every corner, how does he get these people to go along with these plans??

One heart wrenching scene in this film is when Bond discovers a safe, and Cha finds Bond with the pilot who took him to the property. They then stick the dogs on her, this poor girl is running through the woods like she is in “The Grey” trying to get away from the dogs, but ends up getting ripped apart. Unfortunately Bond never finds out that he had a hand in her death by getting her to help him - this could’ve added a little weight and dramatics to the film. But I love the part in that same scene where Drax wants Bond to shoot a pheasant from the sky for sport, but instead Bond shoots a gunman out of the tree, and as Drax says “You missed Mr.Bond” the shooter falls out of the tree and Bond retorts “Did I?”. Love it.

Bond eventually finds a laboratory where some vials are being filled with some toxic gas but Drax tries to throw everyone off the scent by replacing the lab with a giant office. Bond convinces M that the Lab was there, and M keeps Bond on the mission - but on the DL.

Along the way Bond is introduced to one Holly Goodhead, oh those funny sex pun names for females that have not aged well...Goodhead, played by Lois Chiles, is an undercover CIA operative working for Drax as a cover. When we first meet her she takes Bond to the flight simulator where all our worst nightmares about amusement parks come to life. Cha takes over the controls and damn near takes Bond’s face skin off before the wrist dart gun comes in handy. Pretty intense stuff there. Bond finds out she’s CIA and they begin working together. There’s nothing special about Chiles performance here...she skates by.

They follow the trail of crumbs until they are eventually finding themselves on one of the Moonraker space shuttles lifting into orbit and inside a space headquarters that will be used as a sex pit....yes, Drax is scheming to kill everyone on earth and replace them with men and women who are physically superior, and they are to breed and make babies so that the new world will be physically fit and sexy and Drax will become God. Hot. Well, of course Bond is not about that...even though maybe he could’ve prevented COVID-19 had he let Drax wipe out the population? Thanks a lot Bond!

Another funny avenue they take with the Jaws character is that he finds love in a woman we are supposed to believe would fall for someone like him...because she has pigtails and glasses? If she had had braces it would made sense...two metal mouths, ya know? But because Jaws finds love, he turns babyface and starts helping Bond kill Drax, because Jaws fears Drax is going to eliminate him for not being genetically superior. This ends with Bond and Goodhead trying to escape but can’t, so they enlist Jaws to break then free, and Jaws and girl fly off into the sunset...literally.

All in all, Moonraker is meant to just be a fun ride. I don’t mind that every once in while, and I do find a lot of Moonraker’s bits to be amusing, but because there is a lack of depth in the story and a lack of interesting personalities in Goodhead and Drax, this movie falls a little short. Not Moore’s worst, but not his best - just very middle of the road. And while it does have it’s moments of suspense with Bond and Goodhead being trapped underneath the ignition of the shuttle, and the cable car scene with Jaws - we are also taken for idiots with the gondola scene where Bond is driving it through the city - forcing birds to do double takes. Yeah you read that right.

Thank you to everyone who followed this little blog of mine closely, this was super fun for me, and I am going to use this as a way to rank all the Bond films once and for all!

Sound off, what did you think?

Reviews from Friends:

Curtiss Frisle

Pretty great until they get to space.

24 Weeks of Bond will return in November with -

No Time To Die

#James Bond #Roger Moore #moonraker #star wars #24WeeksofBond

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singingcookie · 5 years ago

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👀👀 SO. THAT LATEST CHAPTER OF DOJ 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

👀👀👀👀 Yes. It certainly was a thing wasn’t it? 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 In all seriousness this chapter was really difficult for me to bring myself to work on. And it was mostly because (compared to most of my other chapters) this one was really lacking detail. I had a few moments that stood out but figuring out how to smush them together in a cohesive way was hard. With that said, I’m gonna do something I haven’t done much til now. I’m gonna share my original outline for this chapter under the read more.

I might throw in comments between sections/thoughts. I normally post my outline at the bottom of my chapter documents and gradually get rid of bullet points as I get through them. This’ll be the first time I’ve looked at the outline since I completed, so I apologize for the length this might take on lol. That said....

DOJ CHAPTER 20 SPOILERS READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

Deku’s pov this chapter.

Skip ahead to them at the thing. They’re in Tarasanudo in Kanagawa. Somewhere close to the Tokyo Bay. Last train will leave a bit after 9pm.

I like to preface my outlines with a pov if there’s a change from the previous chapter. Any ones that are continuations (so with chapters 9 & 10 for Deku, and chapters 11-15 for Ochako) don’t really get labelled like this but since it was Ochako for 19 I had to. I knew right away this had to be Izuku that we were hearing from because his thoughts--his perception of Uraraka in the story thus far--have been pretty close to nonexistent. I figured it was about time (especially put into this position) for us to glean an idea of what exactly is going on under that curly hair of his.

The second bullet point is just a point of reference for me so I don’t forget anything 😅 I’ll probably carry it on through my next few chapters too. Again, just so I don’t forget as I go since the setting will be relevant until the festival ends.

We get festival shenanigans maybe just them looking around at things at first. He keeps getting wrapped up in Uraraka. Lingering on whatever she does. Her excitement at the foods, the decorations. The way she sways to the music from each and every stall. Obviously this should be at least a few paragraphs. If not a page.

HAHAHAHA, oh man. So much for that. Deku really went damn wild at the start of this chapter. The whole introduction (before Ochako says the FIRST LINE OF DIALOGUE FOR THE CHAPTER WTF) was 2 pages long on my chapter document. And I remember being shook about it. “This much Deku??? You have this much to say?” It probably would have been less if he didn’t want to retell the whole dang story with the netsuke BUT HE DID WHAT HE DOES I GUESS!!

I also added the okonomiyaki scene pretty sporadically, I didn’t have it in my oultine at all. But I needed an introductory scene into them at the festival before Bakugou and Kirishima showed up. I think it turned out pretty well? I got a lot of questions about my research on that one cause it was so specific! 😅 Truth is I just look up those kinda details as I get to them mid-writing. Makes it take longer but the learning part is really interesting and fun for me!

And then there’s also the hints of them being followed by at least two of their classmates, working up Uraraka and stemming Deku’s fear. Also added because I needed to segue naturally between the okonomiyaki and cork gun scenes.

Uraraka points to a cork gun stall nearby and says that she wants to play. They don’t fully approach the stand though, Uraraka standing back to look over the prizes to see what she wants to play for. He wonders why she doesn’t just play and figure it out later. She says that she’ll play better if she has something in mind already “don’t question my methods” she hums for a moment and he kinda playfully regards her. Maybe a mild stirring of something.

She surges forward, reaching for one of the cork guns while she holds the yen out for the vendor. “Hey, take the next one over.” Oh god Kacchan’s grabbed the same cork gun and now him and Uraraka are glaring at each other. Kirishima apologizes for the interruption, telling Kacchan that he can just take the next one over. He greets Deku who replies while still watching as Uraraka and Kacchan glare even while he complies to their classmate’s request. Both of them slam their money on the counter. Aaaaand they’re making it a competition. Great.

Thiiiiiiis turned out more of less the same, clearly. 😂 I had a different concept in my head originally of how these games worked there. Ended up digging hard for videos and photos to find out properly. Ended up altering my image to match but it still managed to work out on that front, regardless.

I knew I wanted Kirishima and Bakugou here with them (not only because I love the ship) but it gave them a chance to unwind and relax. Kind of ease off on the tension of them being stuck alone together. Not to mention that I felt it would be really good for cementing the idea of a “something more” kind of pondering in Deku.

Kirishima and Deku talk about what they’ve been up to since getting to the festival. Maybe Deku wonders about the snack that Kirishima has. It looks delicious. Some kinda meat thing. “Where’s the stall?” Kirishima tries to explain but Deku just looks lost. “How ‘bout me and--Bakugou just show you where once they’re finished?”

“That sounds--” Deku’s cut off by a whoop and when he looks back to the stand, they’re both setting the cork guns back down. Uraraka’s reveling in her victory and Kacchan tells her she only got one more point, so she shouldn’t be so excited. She says he’d be just as excited if the scores were reversed. The vendor has to remind them they have prizes to pick.

Kirishima and Deku kind of just ^^; about it. They get whatever the prizes are. Ochako maybe picked something with the idea of giving it to Inko. Kirishima says to Bakugou that he told Deku they’d show him to the stand with the meat skewers.

This got altered a LOT WOW. I think the reason this section changed so much was because I was trying to find a way to make the chapter flow. I left a lot of details out and mostly went big picture because I knew this part of the festival would involve a lot of tiny things that would be a pain to plan out. Lots of minor minutiae that I knew I’d get annoyed if I had to change a lot.

I knew I had to keep Kirishima with MEAT because he’s Kiri (hello it’s listed as one of his fav things even!) and I knew I wanted to have him almost tripped up and saying “Katsuki” just to hammer home where exactly they’re at rn in their interactions.

I extended their interactions together because saying “hey let’s walk around” only to separate them with narry another conversation felt pointless and stilted. That’s why I added the extended convo about the game (I didn’t have it in the outline that she cheated but when I thought about the game and her quirk, it was too fitting to not include!) and also the thing about their internships and things being “too calm” again. Was really trying to hammer home one last “YOU SHOULDN’T FEEL COMFORTABLE” for all you readers lol

They might get stuck together for a bit maybe up through the fireworks. They only realize after the fireworks are through. Uraraka wonders about if maybe there’s something that Deku wants to do now, especially since Bakugou and Kirishima p much vanished.

Deku says something offhandedly. He hadn’t really been pulled toward anything in particular. Maybe they could just walk around, see if they find some of the others. Maybe some kinda casual conversation. Ochako has them stop because she sees a yo-yo fishing game and she really wants a water yo-yo.

As you can see, the fireworks scene (which apparently everyone adores?) was very much not planned LOL. Nor was Bakugou clearly and purposefully ditching them. I don’t really have much in the way of explanations other than it’s what felt right. I considered including a time skip or two during this chapter...but then I realized how silly that would be over such a short time period. So I ended up including the ditching (including Bakugou literally yelled that “Nope!” and it was like “oh okay that’s what we’re doing cool thanks for the memo?”) and then the fireworks was a clear “time is passing while he’s wistful” kind of moment. I think it went over well and segued pretty naturally into this.

Deku just watches, musing to himself over how nice this has been...how nice she looks...she said something about wanting to give the stuffed animal in his grasp to his mom. As a thank you for the yukata. He still can’t believe that Inko never said anything to him about it. But honestly...what would he have said. What would he have done? He’s seen her in it for a while now and he still hasn’t commented about it to her…yeah, okay, he did try twice. Once at school and once with Eri but since then he hasn’t bothered to try again.

Maybe it’s pointless. Maybe the fact that he did try twice was the universe saying that it was dumb and he definitely shouldn’t. That he would make her uncomfortable so don’t bother.

Or maybe it wasn’t about her. Maybe it was the universe scolding him from trying to say it around other people… Embarrassing her around her friends and their former teacher...yeah. Yeah, no. It was definitely that. He needed to say something. She deserved to hear it. He couldn’t tell her about her kimono during that New Years celebration. Shouldn’t he tell her now? Respect both her and his mother’s efforts? Yes. He should definitely say something now.

As you can see....pretty much nothing here changed LOL. I knew this was exactly right but some stuff got clarified and extended, I feel. Made it feel a lot more stream of conscious like as a result of that.

Side note Deku has a big tendency to repeat himself mentally when I write him....idk why this happens but it does lmao.

Uraraka comes back over with her water yo-yo. She says something idk what. But Deku starts to try to say something about her thing. Bringing it up very slowly and awkwardly but before he can explain properly she interrupts him. “Deku-kun, do you hear that?” He goes quiet as he listens. Then……screaming.

Then they hear someone exclaim that it looks like the bonfire is out of control. They look and...that’s not a normal bonfire. Those are blue flames.

LOL “She says something idk what” is such a staple of my outlines I cry. 😂 That and “Idk something else needs to go here figure it out later”

Anyway though another case of extension here. I knew I was gonna have to with “bringing it up slowly and very awkwardly” that’s vague and I had to show that happening so it was bound to be. I actually struggled on whether or not to let him say it. But ultimately it felt dissatisfying to let him say it and not give Uraraka or the readers the chance to dwell on it. It needs a moment to itself. It needs to be a heavy, impactful moment--but the problem is the League reveal was heavier so it would have knocked it away just as much as him not saying it at all.

Obviously my reveal (the last bullet point) changed a lot with how I conveyed it...also Uraraka’s line. But when I was writing it I realized that Uraraka would be more horrified than my outline which, as you can see, is really calm in comparison. But I knew the only way to reveal it all was Dabi blue flames. A staple of the League... But having Deku’s last line was a better ending line.

ANYWAY, sorry that took so long but. There you have it. Deeper thoughts and perspective from the planning of the chapter. I hope this was interesting seeing the difference between my outline, but I apologize if my commentary was at all boring lol

Thanks Kat!! Always happy to talk!!! 💖💖💖💖

#Drops of Jupiter #izuocha #kelly replies #adventures in writing #sorry I'm sure this gets rambly in some bits it's just how I am lolol #Kat #vixensheart

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dasfuzzy · 5 years ago

Text

This thing still exists...?

So...I guess I'll start off by saying that the main reason for this post is because I got the Tumblr app a while back and have periodically gotten the notification that someone has liked my blog (hello, by the way), so this is twofold:

1) Give an update because, y'know, I haven't touched this thing in a long time, so there's a lot to update, and

2) Find out who's been liking my blog and why. So I guess comment, message, note, or whatever the hell people do here and let me know what got you interested in my ramblings.

I guess the three main things I would discuss here were my job, my love life, and my situation in general, so those'll be the primary focus for now. I guess I'll start with my love life just to get that out of the way as it's typically the focal point and most salacious content here (and possibly the most interesting to y'all).

Well, I'm gonna tell you right off the bat that things have changed drastically since I last was here. I will say that if you're expecting me to tell all, you're gonna be disappointed. I know in the past I never really held back on my feelings and about dishing out the truth, but this is a different situation than any in the past. All I'll really say is that since August of 2017 I've been in a committed relationship with someone that I truly love and can see myself being with for the rest of my days. Our relationship hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows, however, mostly due to nagging injuries and surgeries stemming from a work-related injury on her part (she used to be a physical therapy assistant), but I've done everything in my power to accommodate her and make things work. It hasn't been easy and it's taken it's toll on me, but at the end of the day I try to remain optimistic that things will get better with time.

Regarding my job...er, jobs, I've bounced around a bit since I was last here. I think I was still at Dave & Busters, but I was able to leave there to become a preschool/toddler teacher at a highly-accredited daycare center called Bright Horizons. It wasn't the easiest job and with me being who I am (profane and a fan of mature content, a la Game of Thrones, Walking Dead and wrestling) I felt like I was walking on eggshells at times, especially because the director was a bit of a prude, but I really enjoyed it. I was one of only two male teachers in a facility of approximately 30 teachers, so the kids really enjoyed the change of pace. I learned a lot being there, especially since I only had a few early education courses under my belt beforehand and I had some great mentors guiding me along.

Unfortunately, I made the decision to leave after 18 months for a couple of reasons:

1) The landlady finally sold the house, so my mom and I had to move (more on that later), and

2) There was an incident where I might've let slip a bit of profanity on the job. Basically it was nap time and most of the children were sleeping. I was in one of the preschool rooms at the time and at that age, some children just don't want to sleep, so we have to either try to soothe them or at least do what we can to keep them quiet so they don't wake the other children up. So I'm with another, younger teacher sitting with the non-sleepers, one of which was on the autistic spectrum and had an action plan in place that inform us of what we can and cannot do in certain situations that normally wouldn't apply to other children. Anyways, that particular child was not having any of nap/quiet time and decided to start walking around the room. In my frustration, I might've uttered under my breath "what the fuck". A few days later, I get a call from the director and she asks me if I used any profanity while in the classroom. I tell her that I don't recall doing so; she tells me that another teacher informed her that I had and she would need me to type up a formal statement of what I recall from that particular event. I stuck to my guns and said that I honestly don't recall doing so and, after submitting that to her, I was put on an indefinite administrative leave. As much as I loved that job, I took that as a sign that maybe it was time to find another job, something that pays better because I knew I was going to be moving within the next few months.

On the first day of my "leave", I asked friends if they knew of any good-paying jobs that had openings. I was only making $12.40/hr, which is only $.40 over minimum wage, so I was definitely open to suggestions. My best friend told me to apply to where he worked, Fitzgerald Tile, because they were looking for warehouse workers. He said they could start me at $18, so I leapt at the opportunity. I went down that Monday and met the warehouse supervisor to have an interview. I'll give you an almost word-for-word retelling of how that interview went:

Him: "Do you know how to drive a forklift?"

Me: "Yeah."

Him: "Great, you're hired."

Me: "Oh...okay."

Okay, that might be stretching it a bit, but that was more or less how it went. Really, he outlined some of the basic duties, asked if I was able to lift up to 50lbs unassisted, know that I'm expected to work 50 hours a week, then had me fill out the application, mostly for the sake of having it on file. He told me that I would just have to meet with the HR person to finalize the paperwork and discuss pay and my schedule, then I'd be good to go. Here's the thing: I never got to talk to the HR person. Ever. I was waiting for over an hour then told that we could do it another time, so I just went home. I should've noticed how sketchy the whole thing was. I should've picked up on all the red flags, but I didn't. So I go home, call my boss, and tell her that I'm giving my two weeks notice. She obliges and I ask if I could come visit down the road. She says that it would be in the best interest of the children that I stay away so they don't get the wrong idea. Basically I haven't been back there besides one time when I stopped by after hours to catch up with my favorite colleague and mentor, Jen.

Anywho, here I am on November 19th at the asscrack of dawn starting at the tile warehouse. I meet with the warehouse supervisor (I don't fucking remember his name; he's honestly not worth remembering) and he asks if I know how to drive a forklift. Uh...we talked about that when you hired me, but anyways, I say yes. "Great. Hop on, drive around a bit, get a feel for it, then get to work." Um...I dunno about those guys, but when I was at Lowe's where I learned to drive a forklift, we had to be licensed to operate one. Not to mention if they bothered to do a background check, they'd learn that I was fired from there for getting into an accident on a forklift and causing damage to a bay door. But I do as they say; I grab an order sheet ("grab the biggest ones first", they tell me) and get to it. Basically the way they run things is they put the sheets out on a table, everyone grabs one, gathers everything up on a pallet, then drop it in the outgoing delivery area, then do it all again until every order has been filled. I should also mention that I started right as they were moving warehouses to North Reading, so after the orders were pulled, we had to get other pallets ready to ship to the new place. Remember how I said I was never able to talk to the HR person? Well, I was never given a schedule because of that, so I guess it was understood that I would come in at 7 in the morning and work until everyone was done, which typically wasn't until 8 or 9 at night. I adhered to that mindset for maybe a week and a half; after that, I started sneaking out after at least doing my 8 hours a day. One day the supervisor caught me and said that I can't do that again. I didn't give a fuck. Another day he tells me that I'm not working fast enough and need to step it up. Maybe if someone took the time to train me on the other lift that was smaller and had forks that extended, I'd be able to be more efficient, but no; the only machines I could use were the huge lifts that are barely able to maneuver in the narrow fucking aisles and the order picker, which is basically a standing lift with a small tray-sized platform that you could place stuff on and lower it back down. That thing was kinda fun because it had controlls that kinda felt like piloting a mech and it was fast as hell.

Fast forward a few days and a few hours into my shift the supervisor tells me that I'm being let go and he hands me my last check and a pamphlet for unemployment benefits. No reasoning, just that I'm gone. Probably because I was "working too slow" and would leave when I felt like it, but I could give two shits; they never cared about me and I was tired of working under those unreasonable conditions. I manage keep my composure and start heading out, telling the few friends that I made there that I was fired; they wished me well and said I'd move onto something better. No shit. Once I get to my car, I burst out crying, trying to comprehend the gravity of my situation. I text my girlfriend and she asks if I want to come over to her house; I do partly because I needed the emotional support and partly because she was only 5 minutes away and my drive home would've been about 30 minutes. Honestly, I probably could've reported them to OSHA since they were in violation of god knows how many rules and regulations (hell, during the first week at the new warehouse, someone managed to destroy an entire bay: 3 shelves with 4 pallets each, totalling I believe over $6000 worth of product), but I just wanted to wash my hands of that place entirely. Since it was mid December, I decided to just take time to enjoy the holidays before looking for a new job, especially since I had made enough money there to keep myself afloat for about a month.

So, regarding the move, mom and I spent the last few years looking for places nearby for when the time came, but a lot of places were either in undesirable towns, were too expensive (this is Massachusetts; rent prices suck balls), or didn't meet our needs/standards. Ideally we were aiming to find a small house or even duplex to move into since we'd been in a 2-story, 3-bedroom house since January 2001, but we ended up settling for a 2-bedroom apartment in a small complex in Reading. It's been a bit of an adjustment for many reasons, but we've made it work. One of the biggest annoyances is that we don't have any laundry machines in our unit or even our building, so if we have to wash our clothes, we need to bring our stuff to one of the neighboring buildings that has a credit card-opperated laundry room with seven washers and 8 dryers. Kinda obnoxious to have to go through all that trouble and pay to do it, but condidering heat, hot water, and facility maintenance and snow removal are all covered in our rent (which is $1750/month), it's a small price to pay, I suppose.

Once we got all settled into the new place, I started job hunting again. For years I've wanted to do something technical, like be a plumber or maintenance engineer, but it's nigh impossible to find entry-level jobs like that. I somehow managed to find a job posting on Craigslist for a preventative maintenance engineer at a hotel in my old hometown of Woburn (ironically it's across from my old Dave & Busters), put in an application, and about a week later I had the job. Basically what I do is go through the guestrooms and make sure everything is in working order and is clean. I do about 2 rooms a day, repairing things as needed, be it electrical, plumbing, painting, or whatever else. I started back in early February of this year and in April the chief engineer was unceremoniously fired, leaving me as the sole engineer at the hotel. We had outside help come in periodically, but generally speaking I was the one keeping the place together until we hired a new chief this past October. I had to learn how to take care of an outdoor pool and how to take readings on it daily. I had to represent my hotel at engineer trainings normally meant for chiefs. Hell, I was very close to being promoted to chief myself until they found the new guy. But my efforts weren't in vain: our scores from our guest surveys for maintenance and upkeep were always above expectations and everyone at the hotel appreciate and respect what I do there. They raised my pay as high as they could go because of the amount of work I was putting in. My boss even got me two $75 tickets to a Ring of Honor show since he was a wrestling fan like myself. I think it's safe to say that I definitely bounced back from Fitzgerald.

I guess that about wraps things up. It's currently two weeks until Christmas, so I've got that to look forward to. I'd apologize for the lengthy rant, but I think that's par for the course on my blog. Again, if you're new (or even if you're not), feel free to leave a comment, note, message, or whatever and let me know what brought you to my blog or if there's any questions, comments, or suggestions for things that I could discuss. I figure I've been away from this thing for a long time, why not be a bit more active. Anyways, that's all I got for now. Hope y'all are well; take care of yourself!

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