#but yeah she’ll be fine
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#okay so I finally finished packing#I’m getting emotional because of my dog#I hate to leave her alone#but yeah she’ll be fine#c’mon São Paulo let’s get sickening#personal
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HHFHGHHH caught up with the Dungeon Meshi anime…can’t even describe how absolutely fucked up it was to watch Laios have to reassemble the digested bones of his dead sister (that were drenched in her blood) piece by piece. Like. Idk how homie didn’t go through a mental breakdown in the middle of that
#I guess bc reviving the dead is so NORMALIZED in the dungeon#He was like yeah I’ll just. Have fun sorting through my own sister’s bones!! Because she’ll come back to life so it’s fine!!#How do you not get PTSD from that. That would fuck me up SO bad#Even if I knew she’d be coming back to life#After that every time I looked at her I would think ‘I’ve touched every single one of the bones inside you. I’ve seen your SKELETON’#Fucking HELL bro.#Dungeon Meshi#Dungeon Meshi spoilers#Delicious in Dungeon#Shima speaks#Ask to tag#Laios Touden#Falin Touden
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thirteen is incredibly aware of how her actions are perceived and incredibly unaware of how her identity is perceived. like. that’s the Point of her meeting the fugitive doctor. that she can stand next to herself and not know herself. but she knows her own actions. the real recognition of herself in fugitive isn’t when she unearths the tardis or when fugitive calls herself the doctor. its when fugitive hands someone a loaded gun that will backfire and kill them only if they shoot at her first. because that’s what thirteen would do. you know?
#shakes thirteen. IDENTITY ISSUES GIRL!!!!!!!#and its like this hyperawareness of what she Does rather than what she Is plays into the timeless child thing too.#because she doesn’t break out of the matrix by. i mean she has an ‘im the doctor’ moment. its Not an ‘im the timeless child’ moment.#which feels pointed! and makes when she faces the master later and claims that Yeah This Was Good For Her Actually. She’s More Now. like!!!!#I know what you are!!!! liar!!!!!!!!! liar putting up a facade to someone who has hurt you deeply and whose perception of you has been#suddenly proven to be more deeply rooted in what you are than what you do!!!!!!!!!#and then when she gets back to her tardis she’s Not fine about it because. how could she be.#but hey. she still proves herself to be the doctor in the end. because she can’t pull the trigger.#but she’ll sure as hell let someone else do it and run away from the consequences.#GOD I LOVE HERRRRRR#thirteenth doctor
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Polyam dog is having some medical issues again that require her to wear a t-shirt again, so my mom gave her this punk ass BAAC (Bikers Against Animal Cruelty) shirt to wear. Polyam doggo is now officially a polyam punk doggo.
#don’t worry she’ll be fine#I’ll post more photos of her being iconic#all she needs is some spike jewelry and a bandana#oh shit I have a bandana for her#oh hell yeah
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Taylor returning over and over to the falling through the ice accident in the Bolter—everything to me
#like. just. the shock of it all#there’s something about Taylor where her experience of life is so ….. brutal#like I don’t know how else to say it but it just is. life is not easy on her it is always ready to CLOBBER her#and in a way she’s not easy on life. there’s some kind of magnets/opposite poles stuff where she’s just always drawn to the worst things#to feeling them and experiencing them and almost ??? creating them#like I don’t mean to overstate it. and I know she has a family who loves her (thank GOD)#and also she’s very practical and industrious about creating this very Instagram worthy life full of Fine Things and a Fun Time#and of course all the resources in the world at her disposal to create all the trappings of it#whether it’s a celebrity Fourth of July party or the eras tour#and she’ll do it and love it. but as all the best critics know and point out the most fascinating thing about Taylor is always the music#and it’s where all the weirdness and stubbornness and difficulties of her life. her a c t u a l longings her actual fears#her actual terrible awful experiences that she charges headlong down the paths of#is set free! and it’s breathtaking in the most shocking way#like falling through the ice! I always say the first thing that always hits me about a Taylor album is the bitterness#just this blast in the face. and her music is so gentle! in so many ways#and the packaging is so appealing and her voice is so soft and expressive and there is none of that weird experimentation#even musically (remember when she shut down imogen heap for putting a minor chord in clean she was like absolutely not. I’m obsessed)#(with that moment forever)#but like. so much of Taylor’s packaging and life and HER really does SEEM so basic or ordinary or just rich girl ordinary I guess#she likes basic things and wants basic things. but also she is so hungry so restless so angry so wounded the rich internal life is CHURNING#all the time. every second. and it’s spectacular to watch and also I will worry about her until the day I die#or just—-I don’t know. it’s going to be spectacular and it is sometimes going to be awful#but she will keep furiously writing her way through it!!#there IS such a woundedness to her. and it makes me love her so much because it’s packaged in such a way people think it must just be#whining or privilege. but it’s not! it’s just. the human condition and Taylor’s own flaws#okay I’ve lost the plot here a bit in my ramblings but yeah the ice metaphor. insanely perfect
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Digitalised + coloured + redesigned version of my Suiren and Vaatu sketch from two days ago, as promised!!
Coming up with Suiren’s design was a very long process of trying and failing because after you’ve drawn 9+ different versions of one character, the creativity starts to run a little dry, but I’m actually really proud of this one, she looks absolutely adorable <3
(Also yeah I did mostly just scribble Vaatu’s pattern because who has the energy to draw the all out accurately. Not me, that’s who, I’m chronically tired. People who draw him on the regular have my utmost respect. He’s still a funky little guy though :D)
Bonus, Raava incessantly screaming inside Suiren (and being completely ignored because Suiren is tired of her) while all this is happening:
#and yeah I did say I’d do a fuckass background but all my energy went to figuring out Suiren’s design#plus I suck at backgrounds so.. woe. LoK screenshot be upon ye#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#avatar suiren au#original character#sotrl suiren#vaatu#I don’t really know what to say in these tags lmao#usually I reach the tag limit really really easily but between my previous post and answering that ask I’ve ran out of things to say#someone please indulge me in this au I have Way Too Many Thoughts about it#hmm…#you know. I think people often make different avatar aus because they dislike Korra or think she’s a bad avatar#I don’t. I love Korra. I would kill and die for her#(says the red lotus stan. yes I’m well aware. no need to call me out)#and I think she’s a good avatar who was dealt a shitty hand both in universe and by the show’s production team#I’m making this au BECAUSE I love Korra. if Suiren is the avatar Korra gets to be a normal SWT girl#she’ll get to grow up with her parents. not isolated and degraded all the time for not being perfect. maybe she’d have a sibling or two#and Suiren gets spared her sotrl trauma too. win win for everyone!!#(I return Suiren gets the weight of the world on her shoulders lmao. but it’s fine. 1. she isn’t alone in it. she has her family#2. three quarters of the LoK threats are basically automatically eliminated for her. the RL are her parents. she fuses with Vaatu#and all she has to do to defeat Kuvira is to take her dress off 😁 /hj. basically. she’ll be okay. better than in sotrl at least)#also look. I love Suiren. she’s my dear child who’s been with me since I was 12. of course I wanna make her the main character in everything#and dark avatar Korra AUs have been done countless times before me. Kat’s doing one right now!! I just wanna do something that’s my own#and also I wanna focus less on pain and trauma for once and more on the sheer hilarity of the shenanigans that will occur post-fusion#cause this isn’t Adumbration where Korra lets Raava go and fuses with Vaatu instead. here Suiren’s got both of them at the same time#and they have 10000 years’ worth of grievances to air out. it’s like living with your divorced parents#trust me I would know. except mine aren’t divorced. they’re Worse and everyone wishes they’d just separate#anyway. that aside. Suiren’s not getting any sleep any time soon while those two duke it out
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Do not get the wrong idea… although my username and icon are lesbianusahana and I frequently talk about how gay I am I’d actually rather jump out a window on a several story tall building than come out to my family as a lesbian
#꒰🥀꒱ ❝ Tragic Prose ❞#RAZ LORE LIGHTNING ROUND for the new followers#don’t get the wrong idea! I love my mom. I’m very blessed to have such a tolerant and supportive mom#HOWEVER. just because she’s supportive doesn’t mean she’s normal. huge difference#she frequently gossips about her gay coworkers and despite pushing 50 is one of those Fandom Mom fujoshis who frequents AO3 religiously#I remember when I tried to initially ID as a lesbian I never came out. she found out by going on my Instagram profile and reading my carrd#fortunately she took it like a champ and was completely fine with it!#and honestly I would’ve been fine if she didn’t. y’know. make really uncomfortable jokes about lesbian sex to me#if I sound like I’m lying I promise I’m not. she’s just like that. she’s a walking talking Oppa Homeless Style kinda person#and don’t get me started on my dad. I wouldn’t say he’s bigoted per se I genuinely think he’s too stupid to actually be a bigot#years ago we went back to school shopping and I found this cute hat with a really small rainbow on it#and he was really hesitant on getting it because. he thought I’d be bullied. if kids thought I was gay.#and on the same shopping trip I showed him this Polaroid shirt I got with rainbow colors#and he said#(and I quote)#‘Oh because of gay rights?’#which is. uh. huh???#yeah I don’t think he has it in him to be bigoted but his little walnut sized brain would explode#fortunately my older sister is very cool. when I thought I was transmasc for a while she took it super well#so I don’t think she’ll care if I ever come out to her#see here’s the thing. my mom and sister technically know I’m gay#well. my explanation is ‘I’m bi but I prefer girls’ which they get. trying to tell them I’m a lesbian again is too risky a gamble#anyways. tangent over just was mulling over some stuff
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I love the point in friend drama where the main culprit hasn’t apologized because they don’t see the issue and I’m left seething until some tipping point, culprit is now asking what they did wrong but oh no no no it’d be too easy to ask me, instead asking the friend I’m not mad with
#You left me behind#Days in a row#You’re turning into something you hate just because you have the lingering fear of letting people down#instead of being who you want to be#And you push us both away from you#Then have the balls to just straight up not talk to me#It’s not too much to ask to have someone who is supposed to like me like. Actually talk to me in our shared living space#She talked to a a grand total of like. Three times yesterday. And it was only ever random questions that anyone could have answered#Or she would sit there and act like it’s fine#I am so so alone because it is apparently too hard to ask that I can just have people who aren’t stuck to their own needs#I am so so physically tired. I might try to nap after class. Like yeah she’ll be in our dorm but maybe I can just try to nap and ignore#Like wow you only see that something’s wrong when I complain to our shared friend back home and she texts saying she wants to know what’s u#I don’t need people to defend me#I need the people who say I need to speak up for myself to stop being so self centered that they don’t see me speaking#You can’t say that I need to speak up for myself when I do. And you are the one screaming over me.
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Unfortunately I absolutely fucked up one of my nails today but also I made my grandma a tote bag for her birthday so I think overall it’s going well
#i’m trying to take care of my nails instead of biting the shit out of them but i tore up my cuticle on my right ring finger#i have a bandage on it but it’s so annoying man#the tote bag.. i Was making socks but i realised i wasn’t going to finish them because socks are boring to make imo#also i just really haven’t been finding knitting fun to do lately. and i know this will change sooner or later but i CANNOT force it#i have to forget that i can even knit for like a few months and then something will happen and i’ll do nothing but knit#crochet is still fine though#so i found a pattern for a mesh bag and i’m almost done making it. i literally just have to make the straps and weave in the ends#i’m not seeing my grandma until like 1 in the afternoon tomorrow so i can finish it by then easily#i am kind of worried about if she’ll like it. i think she’ll like the colour. it’s bright yellow#it’s the fact that she already has a tote bag from the donkey sanctuary and she uses that a lot#and also it’s a mesh bag. i can see her complaining that stuff will fall out#but i don’t think the holes are THAT big#i mean yeah you’d lose a pen or pencil out of these but it can hold your purse and most shopping items#i just don’t think it’s possible to have too many tote bags. i have like. 12. i just accumulate them#also i did also buy my grandma flowers so it’s not like this is the only gift lol#personal
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yeah femc has some really solid romance routes but i just cannot be assed to care too much because there are some crazy level yuri goings on in this game
#bobtalk#yeah i’ll max shinji and ryoji of course. ryoji especially he’s my bestfriend. akihiko…sorry lmao.#maxed saori and put my head in my hands. PEAK. i wonder what she’ll say in march. letter like temperance?#i feel like she’d really benefit from watching r/gu. by the way. she started talking about princes and princesses#p3pposting#anyway every girl you spoke more than 2 sentences to in male route was inexplicably madly in love with you. but femc has Charisma.#(still very funny how people line up outside your classroom to speak to you btw. lmao)#i want to do more junpei link cuz it’s been Very good but he’s occupied by the plot rn. sad! started shinji though (september)#anyway. every time i play portable i’m reminded how much girls rule. i love you girls. i finally got megido on my mothman.#i’m also reminded how sad i am about reload. WE DONT GET VOICED OR MODELLED SAORI……..THEY HATE WOMEN!!!#by the way yukari peak as fuck. shes so good. i’m trying 2 like mitsuru more because the student council type personality#never really appeals to me that much. <- im also trying to hack my brain to like makoto more. for feminism. i’m sorry women i’m working oni#she’s really pretty in arena btw. <3<3<3#i also don’t especially care for akihiko i KNOW i’m SORRY. he’s fine. i like his dynamic with shinji and ken. sorry. lol#but yeah. i need aigis SL NOW!!!!#(theodore sucks btw. maybe that’s just because i don’t like men but i miss liz so bad. sigh.)#when my laptop works again maybe i’ll post some screenshots. <- playing on vita btw#good game.#(oh yeah i’ve maxed all social stats except i’m two from max on knowledge. whoops! at least it’s enough for Dying Young Man.)
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Honestly being an accidental little loomling of Theta, Koschei, and Ushas truly explains a lot about Arkytior / Susan. Little fucking Gallifreyan freak. All of their best and worst bubbling up inside of her. No idea how to person. They made a real normal one.
#She’ll be fine.#She’s just learning how to be her own person at the tender age of 400#Headcanons#character: susan foreman#By their powers combined they accidentally brought forth the most autistic gallifreyan they ever met#Now I do want threads of Susan calling the Doctor Dad. She doesn’t really KNOW this about herself.(yet👀)#I also want to do things where the Master is talking to Susan about how A. The Doctor fuckin Took Her(and then fuckin Left Her)#And B. Her being like hey yeah you’re right. That’s cool. You still killed my HUSBAND.#On the inverse imagine the PRIDE the master feels when she kills him and takes his TARDIS. It’s rude it’s inconvenient it makes things hard#- and he’s SO fucking proud of Arkytior as he fades out.
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cadie.... need ur take on janey... NOW.... 🙏 my lil sapphic heart is thumping hard for her fr
-🔪 nonnie <3
mommy? sorry.. mommy ?? sorry… mommy? sorry,,..,.
look up hot goth girl and suddenly jane is the only one showing up
she’s literally ? i cant explain it shes mean but in a condescending and sweet tone ?? DOES THAT MAKE SENSE AM I STABLE ???
“oh princess look at you, you’re shaking. did i not fuck you hard enough, hm?” and it doesnt matter what your response is because whether you agree or not she’ll claim you’re being bratty and you need an attitude adjustment. good luck because its fucking torture i’d rather get beat by jeff than be forced to crawl around naked with a collar and chain leash on because jane loves to humiliate you as much as she can. but you’re into that arent you. how far will you go before you crumble like a cookie and start to cry prettily for her forgiveness? only time will tell with jane.
shes “nice”… if you count letting you take showers with her as niceness. she’s such a possessive bitch, always got a hand on you and grabbing you tightly whenever you go somewhere with her. and if you ever mention jeff? she will get violent with you to a certain extent. slapping your face until your cheeks are sore and tears are in your eyes, forcing you to choke on her strap until you think you’re about to vomit from gagging so much. the punishments vary depending on her mood but as long as you dont ever speak of that name you’ll survive a little longer in her care.
her presence is enough to make you nervous and hiding behind her like a little puppy. she’s got this air about her that instills fear inside of you. she doesn’t often wear her mask around you either, she doesn’t feel the need to and you seem to like how she looks anyways so its a win for both sides right?
oh did i mention shes a good kisser? like you could cream your pants just from a make out session with jane. “c’mon, baby, suck on my tongue like a good girl. show me how badly you want it.” it’s so sloppy too, messy from saliva dripping onto your chin and down to your shirt. she likes defiling you though and turning you into putty in her rough textured hands. twisting you into a compliant pet with a want to satisfy her and please her.
#— cadie answers#— 🔪 nonnie#I AM TRYING SO HARD.. literally just want jane to make me choke on her strap and call me a good pet#THATS IT.. THATS MY MIND AND I STRUGGLED TO MAKE A COHERENT PARAGRAPH THIS ENTIRE TIME#I HOPE THIS IS FINE LMFAOAOAO#doesnt she hate jeff in her story? I LITERALLY DONT REMEMBER SHIT LMFAO#but yeah if jeff got his hands on you ??? you’re gonna be covered in bruises all belonging to jane to cover up#the disgusting tainted touches that man left on your delicate skin#OH I NEVER MENTIONED IT BUT SHE LOVES PULLING ON YOUR HAIR CONSTANTLY#she’ll do it to make you look at her when you just cant seem to meet her stare. it’s okay tho bcus janey will give you some help with that
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one of my long-standing grievances with my family is that no one ever tells anyone jack shit whenever something happens, at least not until the very last minute. case in point: when my grandfather died and his children held a buddhist ceremony for him at the temple 100 days later, my parents didn’t tell me about it until the literal day prior and i had to scramble to get my work schedule figured out! and then i get there and two of my cousins are there and i tell one of them about it and it turns out his mom didn’t tell him either, he went out for dinner with his sister and she asked him if he was going and he was like. wait What. and then we asked our uncle why our other cousin wasn’t there, and he was like, oh i didn’t tell her. bruh.
anyway this is a very longwinded post because i’m trying very hard to avoid the point, which is that my dad texted me just now that *checks notes* my mom will be going to the hospital tomorrow for her first stage of surgical treatment out of five!
…for the cancer. that i was not informed that she had. cancer, that is. she has throat cancer, apparently.
#it is stage one and very treatable i’m told. after i asked because no one volunteered this information to me otherwise#my dad texted me like yeah she’ll be fine! and im like . you realize this woman is very very fragile right?#like she has lupus. she is very vulnerable to things like. infection. which surgery carries an inherent risk of.#anyway. well. that was a text to get at 8:30pm on a monday.
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Ohhh my gosh my parents are so exhausting. I love them but goddamn i just want to sleep for 100 years. This was day 2 of Family Time we have Brunch in less than 10 hours I am going to Die
#day one was Disneyland with little cousins which was amazing! i loved it and i love my itty bitty cousins but they are 4 and 7 and Disney#is already A Lot sensory wise so like#overwhelmed already.#like i love Disneyland and I’m really glad i have the opportunity to go#but i need several days to recover from that preferably in my comfy room alone#but instead we did House Repairs and Cleaning today#which again is really nice but also includes my mom coming into my (and my roommates) home and touching and moving all the stuff#and like. do we need to rearrange furniture? ok it looks better like that. ok ok I’m sorry for questioning it ok#do we need to move my roommates stuff? yeah i know she left it out in the common area but like. maybe let’s not touch it bc she’ll get upset#at me about it. ok your just gonna put it in front of her room. ok. ok fine ok sorry#(she got upset at me about it)#anyway 3 breakdowns later i am so tired and I’m still the immature ungrateful child
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Nina and I are unfortunately like dynamite and gunpowder. something happens and we’re just like oh yeah? You wanna go? Let’s go! Meet me in the ring bitch!
#part of our power is the insane SPEED and then reconciliation of our fights#we forgive and communicate as fast as we fight#but there is no one in the world who makes me just SAY the shit I shouldn’t say than her#like she just. she herself is so fast and so blunt and so ruthless and so bullying and so LOUD#that it fires me right up and it’s like okay well FINE the gloves are off#but then it makes me anxious after like. did I say something TOO hurtful#Nina and I always joke we have the RANGE#because for all of my we’re the struggling married couple of sisters#we also have times where the fun and exchange of ideas is flowing#and this ability to say and hear things to/from each other that most people don’t/can’t?#like. the level of rock-solid trust is SO high. but equally high is our wildly differing personalities and worldview#so there isn’t anything quite like it and it can be confusing from the outside#like I HAVE to meet her in the parking lot because she’ll be being the WORST#but also she thinks I am being the worst#but anyway I do hate when a fight seems like NEW territory#and then I always worry that I have done irreversible damage#I can hear Nina in my head mocking that very idea because she is so tough#and mocking the anxiety of me being like nothing can ever be okay again#but life and certain subjects have been traumatizing in the past year#so idk what is safe exactly right now#I am FULLY rambling and having a million thoughts at once#but yeah#SORRY FOR SWEARING#twice
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have decided that shannon’s nickname for lilith is ‘doom and gloom’
#and also that she always has a packet of haribos when they’re on mission#it’s like ‘welp you never know when you’ll have to barricade yourself in a room with lilith for six hours’#cut to lilith pacing and shannon trying to hit her with haribo bears (most permissible to waste) from across the room#shannon trying to make lilith come up with her own nicknames#‘ooo call me danger. then you can be like ‘what’s up danger?’#lilith: i won’t be doing that#but internally she does start thinking & yeah fine shannon can be danger whatever#beatrice is professor & mary is firefox because she’s the only person you can bring shopping#aka the only good browser#not that she’ll be using them… except maybe the beatrice one just to see her frown#warrior nun
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