#but will never actually give myself
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if you are someone like me who has trouble processing life events/mental health stuff create an oc. like. make a guy who's entire story is yours, who knows every inch of your suffering b/c they are you but maybe all their troubles stem from being in an intergalactic war with goob noobs or something. hurt them in terrible ways so that you dont hurt yourself.
#spacie spoinks#fiction is a good way to explore things that are difficult to deal with i do it all the time with my ocs!!#i mean this wont work for everyone#but making an oc who i just constantly take my pain and suffering out on#is something i find very cathartic#also hes not real!!#i made him up!!#hes like just a vessel for my own suffering#a copy of me and what i think i deserve#but will never actually give myself#yk?#also yes make the character you essentially but also keep a certain distance from them in your mind so#that you know that they are you but not *entirely*#its a really hard thing for me to explain#but when i think about my self harm oc i feel bad for him#b/c hes me and we share the same story but different circumstances#hes me but also his own person#and when i think about what hes gone thru i feel sad and sympathetic#and so i end up feeling that way about me too#b/c we didnt deserve 2 go thru any of it#especially good for suicidal ideation#which is something i struggle with a lot
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Scott Cawthon’s version of FNAF Burntrap..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf fanart#burntrap#the mimic#mimic#mimic fnaf#fnaf gregory#glamrock freddy#security breach#scott cawthon#SO the interview between Dawko and Scott happened a bit ago#I DIDNT expect to have many idea from that#but now I have MOST of my comic idea from it#Scott mentions in it that Burntrap was actually never supposed to move#which gives me the impression they were supposed to be like golden Freddy#SO I JUST HAD to draw out this concept myself#cause I genuinely think it’s very cool and wish we got this ver of burntrap#yes this comic is semi based off that puss in boots last wish scene lmao
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another failed sneaking attempt
#i didnt even have this written down as an idea#i just started drawing cause i was bored and here we are#i think this is the most effort ive put into a multi panel post yet#purple text on a grey background is very difficult to make look good so sorry if it hurts your eyes#getting better with expressions i thhink. no longer hate myself whenever i do that downturned mouth thing on uzi#and head shape im a lot happier with the rounded square kinda head shape i see in all the md art i like#forgot to draw on ns sketchpad in the last panel. woopsies#theyd probably have a little bit of trauma regarding the solver stuff but like#theres no way in hell uzi is turning down the ability to become a sick as hell nightmare worm#for all its evil stuff the solver was edgy as hell and i think she would be totally on board with that#honestly i think i just wanted an excuse to draw solver worm stuff#i doodled it a bit ago and liked the way it came out so i wanted to draw it more#my hand is cramping im wrapping this up#art#murder drones#murder drones uzi#uzi doorman#murder drones n#serial designation n#the worm bit in the final panel is solely because i remembered i can use gausian blur to give the illusion of depth or whatever#never actually tried that before i think so here i am#oh yeah uhh#nuzi#i guess. i think this counts#im not well versed in the Fandom Rules
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Mostly Hiring manager, but HR manager and PR manager too
#elden ring#elden ring varre#white mask varre#varre#white faced varre#tarnished#tarnished oc#varre x tarnished#tw; blood#suggestive#no jokes or humor this time sorry#just Varre being Varre#I know I usually stick to humor stuff but this clawed through my brain like an eldritch horror#I actually hate 5/11 Varre faces I drew here but I did my best#sometimes homeboy is gonna look like a lil gremlin and there’s nothing I can do about it#but also those other 6 /11 faces are the best I’ve ever done so I’ll take it#never been more clear to me how I unconsciously push myself to do harder things#like we got crazy hand angles with defined knuckles and fingernails#we got the upward angle face that doesn’t look like shit#we got form fitting lighting that is passable#semi accurate fabric physics#did I not give a fuck about the BG#yes#but I’m here for Varre sex appeal not rendering bricks#also misericorde magically changes scale throughout the whole comic#lmao oops#most detailed environmental lighting I’ve done too#Christ the lengths I go to for deranged fictional men#at the very least I feel like the dialogue isn’t ooc#me fighting for my life to make sure Varre looks like the same damn character between each panel
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[requests are closed] Anon i'm sorry this is so late I finished these months ago. I meant to draw more but never got around to it UUUH. SORRY SLDKJSLDGKJSD I love them so much. I need to draw them more. ;;v;;
-NO ROMANCE INCLUDED-
#isa doobles requests#isa's fanart#insertsomthinawesome#October2023#Twisted wonderland#twst#Cater Diamond#Trey Clover#twst cater#twst trey#i desperately need more of their awkward 'we were best friends but then riddle happened and now we pretend like everything is okay#while secretly knowing nothing i okay' dynamic#Trey is that bestie who does not do social media so whenever you need it you can give him all the tea SLDFKJSDLKJGSD#I'd actually drawn cater before this. But like. Never posted it WHEEZE#that's happened a lot with twst actually go figure.#I DREW THIS AGES AGO.... LIKE. BACK IN APRIL OR SOMETHING.#PROBABLY LATER THAN THAT#ANON I'M SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO POST. I LIED TO MYSELF THINKING I'D FIND TIME TO DRAW MORE#NO. I WAS BOO BOO THE FOOL
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it's hell on earth to be heavenly them's the breaks, they don't come gently
#daniel ricciardo#dr3#went on a hike the sunday after the official announcement and listened to this song on repeat for probably 3 of the 8 miles#POV: me in the middle of the woods telling myself to get it together#while crying about a 35 year old millionaire before I end up passing someone on the trail and they call the police on me#so song is about how female stars are treated overtime and when they first arrive they're praised for being authentic and refreshin#but once the shine wears off and they're a little older and reveal imperfections or they struggle they become a target for ridicule#and then they're discarded for the next new thing in town and the cycle keeps repeating itself forever#which to me so closely mirrors daniel's trajectory in F1 in the eyes of the media#but also when you take the lyrics at face value they are just so daniel...#the f1 ecosystem and more specifically the redbull ��family” are fake as hell#and yet daniel is one of their most genuine products who actually can't be easily reproduced (but by god they'll try)#he showed a great deal of promise despite coming from a place that really never should've produced a successful f1 driver#because the cards were stacked against him and nobody really thought he would make it#but he did and he gave us 13 brilliant years (and he has SO much more to give and do and succeed at and he will)#but the wheel of time keeps spinning and the cycle continues for the next shiny new toy that they can nurture and then destroy#anyway i'm not totally in love with these gifs but I need to be done w/them and I had to exorcise this demon that was making me sad
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"contentment in singleness" doesn't require you to stop desiring marriage & family. it doesn't require you to stop pursuing marriage & family.
Christians are called to be content in any situation--that doesn't mean we abandon all our good desires and concrete goals.
contentment is to trust/rest in God's promises to love you, provide for you, and make you holy.
you can do all of those things, and earnestly want and seek a husband.
He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22
"Favor from the Lord" meaning, of course, blessing as the result of a life molded by wisdom.
Now, how can one find a good wife without seeking? Seek without wanting? And how can wisdom and contentment be mutually exclusive?
#this post brought to you by the drive home from church yesterday#when I realized that I'm very comfortable (and have been for awhile) where I am#unmarried and unattached but planning to be otherwise#and if I'm always planning for something that never happens? well that's just fine too#I'll have spent my youth becoming the woman I always wanted to be--not for a husband and children but for my parents & the church#and I think it took realizing that I didn't have to give up a good desire before I could *actually* be content#we are called to desire Christ's return always. that doesn't equal discontentment with our lives right now.#Christianity#x#for me it's now as simple as the Created Order fact that MOST people need to marry and procreate to keep civilization from collapsing#and on another level (mapped OVER that fact) it's as simple as God's ordinary means of kingdom-building being families#but goodness knows Christian young people have been inundated with so much overthought on this subject (myself included)#that it's necessary to parse it all out sometimes
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scrapbook practice with keeran
#with implications of javieran because … of course#this was … SO fun. honestly.#i’d never done anything like this before but have always wanted to give it a try#it’s a mess and i’m awful at composition but oh man it was so fun#i’ve been having so much fun just trying to create like a kid again#like i’ll think “i want to do this thing’’ and i’ll let myself do it even if it’ll be a bit bad#it’s freeing :] i recommend everyone try it immediately#creating just because … like i’m a kid again … sighs ….#anyway i love them god javieran plagues me it’s all i can make#the kieran study itself is kinda meh cuz i never study him so i struggle to actually capture his likeness but it was still really fun :3#i hope i can do stuff like this more !!!! i want to get better at scrapbooking#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#image#kieran duffy#javier escuella#implied LOL#javieran#art#hero draws sometimes
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Holding on to an impossible thing
companion piece/follow-up to the comic I did for Rivals zine ✌️
#persona 5#goro akechi#shuake#fanart#challenged myself to finish something within a day#somehow i am simultaneously always drawing and never draw anything lol i've been like i want to draw something actually#i just get way too fussy s this was good for me#background is sloppy but it is an actual background and not just clouds so i'll give myself that haha#it's the train station in odaiba#also commending myself for not getting sidetracked researching Odaiba for No Reason#which did take some willpower considering they have a rainbow bridge and a gundam there#and the statue of liberty for some reason?
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Finally finishing totk
#Totk#Art#Comic#Link#This one gets main blog privileges lololol#Context: I had beat 1 dungeon and promised my buddy not to progress without them. I was just filling out the map and these guys appeared#Totk spoilers in the tags#Okay so here's my totk story because it hurts everyone I tell including myself#First time I played totk I got really fed up with the tutorial. It would just never end.#I got so fed up with it in fact... I never did the story. At all!#My buddy wanted to watch me do the story but we kept missing each other#So I ended up avoiding anything even tangentially related to plot#I never met any characters. Never even knew there were bosses and dungeons. Never entered the castle#And one time my buddy told me there was the awesome boss in the depths I could fight-- a king dragon. Woaaahhh#I made my way over there and was so ready for this epic battle and ended up killing it in 5 seconds. I was too powerful 😂#Keep in mind I did NO DUNGEONS and had grinded up the dynamic difficulty entirely through common enemies to the point of silver lynels#So yeah I stopped playing because I realized I was way too overpowered to start the story#So I started all over again. Finally doing totk the Intended Way™#Uhh... Doing one single dungeon raised the difficulty to the point of black hoglins appearing?? What???#I'm basically rushing every dungeon (I just finished the second one) without preparing at all or doing any shrines#(I killed colgera while dying from cold damage at 4 hearts because I ran out of cold res LMFAO)#So this is really testing my Zelda skillz. It's very fun.#Also. During the first dungeon. I was so obsessed with the kid I almost looked up how I could keep him as my companion#My buddy was so excited for me to find out what the reward was for beating the dungeon 😂😂😂#What else funny... Oh yeah my old save was so jank I never actually got any more than 5 hearts.#Yes I had to defeat lynels mostly hitless since they can kill you despite the mercy quarter heart#I also went to do the first dungeon on the first save and accidentally entered the ship without the child. It TRAPS YOU INSIDE.#It doesn't even give you a warp it just says “die or warp out”. Except I didn't get the shrine halfway up. So I decided to hoverbike out 😓#Oh yeah and it turns out you can ABSOLUTELY get the master sword so so easily.#She flies right past the water dungeon and phases out of existence near immediately it's very funny.
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uh oh guys, hot take alert:
i think revali may have invented hand held aerial archery HEAR ME OUT- (this is a long one boys)
okay. evidence one: why the fuck would a rito shoot like that. like, it makes nearly zero sense, it would be such a hindrance to their flight and their main stake is that they can be higher than you can shoot whilst still pinging you... which revali has overcome with his gale
evidence two: tulin and the concept arts. obviously rito style archery would be held in their talons. before totk came out idk if anyone had really thought about it too much, but the developers had, as you can see in concept art (from the creating a champion book). and like, its logical, powerful, and allows for peak maneuverability. also, when in flight revali (and teba) holds his bow in his talons before switching to his wings. surely its easier to keep it in your wing (obvi ignoring the effects to flight but hes doing that anyway firing the damn thing) rather than switch back and forth- unless you were taught that way, because why would you hold it elsewhere, you need it in your talons to shoot.
evidence three: we dont see any other rito do it (...kind of). throughout botw and totk, we never see another rito flying with a bow in their hands. in totk, its mostly tulin, who holds it in his talons, but in botw the big one is teba. during the medoh quest, he actually gives *link* his bow, and therefore does no shooting in the sky. teba and harth had both tried to take on medoh before, but we never see this, and while they holds their bows in their hands *on the ground,* we dont see it.
...except for aoc (uh, spoilers?). there are two times we see a rito other than revali hold their bow in their hand for aerial archery. but it is not with any rito soldiers, either during cutscenes (the bows are only on their backs) or gameplay (they swoop down, and then hand hold bows on ground. they arent seen flying at all but thats prolly for the same reasons as botw: its very hard to code that (and so they write the lore around that fact)). the first time we actually see another rito do this, we dont see it. Its teba, as he comes thru the portal, but all we see is the arrow shot, and then him freeze frame with the bow in one wing. we dont see the bow in his hand for the rest of the fight. the second time we actually see him fighting like this, it *is* in the air, but its noticeably different to revali.
hes a lot slower, it clearly takes a LOT more effort to shoot the bow, and he only pulls off one arrow at a time. its canon that revalis bow is heavier/harder to draw, and he manages to effortlessly stream arrows whilst fucking floating midair. i think teba, forever a revali fanboy, heard of how the champion mastered his own style of archery and sought to teach himself, but lacked one key thing: revalis mastery of wind.
evidence three point five: revali could easily use his powers to hold him in the air longer/slow his descent long enough for him to fire his shots. it makes sense, really. if he can use his gale to propel him, he can sit on the updraft for a hot sec, or even curve the path to carry him along while he lines up the shot. this would mean he wouldnt need to flap as much as other rito, who would obviously need to keep flying
evidence four: revalis fighting style and his needs. revali works with non rito, obviously. he needs to be able to communicate with them on the battlefield, and they wont understand the muffled chirps if he holds his string in his beak, so he needs his mouth free to speak hylian. also, revalis main tactic is fly up with gale, shoot, fall, either shoot more or use velocity and weight to knock around opponents, and then fly back up. he often needs both feet planted firmly on the ground to get a good hold of his gale, something that is harder to do if you have a bow in the way.
also, take for example the kick he delivers link in their fight (aoc). that would possibly damage the bow, or give the opponent a chance to grab his weapon, if he held it in his talons. and to switch from feet to back is a risky maneuver during freefall, and could lose precious seconds, and then when you get back in the air you need to get it off your back again. its much easier to keep the bow loosely in your wing the whole time, meaning your free to attack melee, land and rise all while not wasting a single moment getting your next shot lined up.
so yeah, i think the rito used the talon grip for aerial archery, and would often use the hand held method on the ground for a variety of reasons (more powerful shots?, easier in some situations like hunting), but revali was perhaps the first to use hand held aerial, another reason he was one of the greatest archers ever.
#you cant fly and i cant hold a bow in my wings midair so this is the perfect middleground to#fight each other on but jokes on you i literally invented new archery to beat this flaw and im going to kick ur ass and/or teach it to you#its late rn i hope this makes sense#also from a revalink perspective its giving#idk i might go back through this in the morning and clean it up but probably not i have never done that before i always forget about it#this came to me as i was talking to myself trying to justify WHY ON EARTH rito would shoot like that when i went#“wait. have we even seen other rito do that.” and the answer was basically not it was only one other guy#important to note that 1- those two times we see teba do it hes on vah medoh which has A LOT of updrafts and wind which would make it easie#and 2- his moveset is all very close to the ground and often doesnt involve a lot of actual flying so im choosing to be selective about it#god DAYUM i love thinking about these birds#revali#teba#harth#tulin#rito#botw#totk#aoc#loz#archery stuff#hoping a certain moot sees this and gives their opinions bc i know they know archery stuff#moss' madness
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admiring the beneath dark arches pintés board bc the fic will never be written, it just lives in our conscience 🫶🏼
never say never anon… NEVER SAY NEVER… 🫥
#a#ok it will actually never get *finished and i will have to do cognitive behavioral breathing exercises to ever post it.#but i started writing chapter 1 over break… 👉👈 BUT NO EXPECTATIONS ITS JUST FOR FUN ITS JUST FOR FUN#<- if i give myself expectations or a deadline it will ACTUALLY never get written#the executive dysfunction haver#fic: beneath dark arches
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Warning: Anti-Jonathan/Anti-Jancy/pro-Stancy ramble
I will never get over the fact that Jonathan witnessed his gf being humiliated by a bunch of men, and it didn't make him angry???? She told him about it, clearly being upset, and he? DEFENDED them??? Tried to shush her????????
Like, Steve trying to shush Nancy about Barb's death and the government/supernatural stuff in s2 was shitty, but he was scared for both of their lives, he was traumatised too, and this was his way of trying to deal with it (trying to go back to normal). He didn't listen to her and that was wrong.
But this is an entirely different thing. Jonathan didn't even empathise with her. He couldn't hear her truth, because that would mean accepting that he's working for abusive assholes, and he can't lose the job. I am poor myself and understand how it puts you into a survival state, but it's not an excuse for siding with abusive people and not siding with a victim, and then that victim is someone you supposedly love? Hell, Jonathan cared more for a job than for Nancy, and him being poor and having to support his family doesn't make it any better.
He didn't want to hear her complaining about being treated like garbage! What kind of partner or friend is that? He also didn't want to hear her thoughts about an exciting story. And he never apologised for not siding with her.
But then again, this shouldn't come as a surprise, because he committed voyeurism and went to develop those photos of Nancy. Who else is not surprised that he's a shitty boyfriend?
He's also not had any major character development. I'm not even sure how he serves the plot, other than to support Will emotionally. I feel like that defines his role in the show, and it's really disappointing, because they could have done so much more with him, obviously. But the only change apart from coming together with Nancy was him getting a stoner friend and starting to smoke weed. Like, seriously? I'm not sure the writers even care about him tbh.
I mean, imagine how Steve would have reacted to Nancy telling him about those assholes at the Hawkins Post. Just remember how he reacted to seeing her bandaged hand in s1.
#stranger things#Antijancy#Stancy#Nancy Wheeler#Antijonathan#My meta#Stancy is endgame#I keep giving myself fanfic ideas but never start actually writing damnit
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Me when I have to establish and maintain a boundary even though it makes people unhappy with me because that's what it means to prioritize your own needs over other people's feelings
#im in a weird state where now i just say no to anything i vaguely dont want to do until i make a conscious choice about it so that i can#so i can stop myself from compulsively agreeing to any demand asked of me#its just complex feelings. i really should just give up in my mother understanding me or the ides that i can recover without somehow hurting#hurting her feelings#its hard because i cant actually tell her how i feel without her taking it extremely personally as if im attacking her now#whatever.#shes never gonna change
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what if i said hal's mom called him "hally" specifically as a play on halley's comet, huh. what if i said she did that because she knew no matter how far he went, he'd always come back to her, hm. what then.
#and then he wasnt with her when she died FUCK#jessica jordan#they could never make me hate you#hal jordan#green lantern#empyrean posting#i do think it's extremely fucked up how they diminished and rotted her character post spectre. i actually hate it so much#i dont really mind the rewriting of martin as a /not/ absentee and abusive father (even though it cheapens the complex relationship hal had#with him what with the being his mirror image and wearing his jacket and becoming a pilot in spite of how martin treated him. constantly#seeking validation and love from a man who not only would never but then could never give it to him) but then going on to act as if jessica#wasnt his most important parent just by virtue of her being his only one for most of his life and going on to say she was actually kind of#bad because she wouldnt support him when she looked after three sons by herself and also begged the air force to take him back when he was#about to be dismissed is sooooo. god. it irks me so much. she was always there for him and she may not have been perfect but she did her#damn best and now they go around acting like martin was the only REAL figure in hal's life growing up because they understood each other on#some special cosmic level?? go to hell.#talking to myself sorry
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Okay! This one is less rendered than the other two, but here's some doodles of Tulpa figuring out how to co-exist! (Aka Fresh not taking training seriously while Dream is trying desperately to get his friends to think he's normal.)
When Dream first returns to the Star Sans', he finds himself in a pickle, because he needs Fresh to move his body. Sure, they made a tentative agreement that Dream trusted Fresh not to break, but Dream hadn't been specific enough with the guidelines.
Fresh pilots Dream's body based on the commands from his soul, but more often than not Fresh simply decides not to listen. Sometimes when they're training, Fresh will suddenly make Dream fumble his bow or send an arrow flying way off-target. Dream is always frustrated by this, unaware that Fresh it doing it for his own good and is forcing the guardian to take a break.
Blue was also made aware of Fresh very early on. One day he was passing the kitchen where Dream was cooking and spotted how Fresh's little form was wiggling out of the hole on Dream's skull. Blue made Eye-contact with Fresh, but said nothing since it seemed like Dream was aware and didn't mind. He waited until Dream told him to acknowledge the parasite directly, but suddenly a bunch of Dream's weird actions made sense to him. Blue regularly makes sure to check in on Dream, before abd after he's aware of Fresh, because he knows Dream works himself into the ground.
Dream (eventually) figures out that Fresh was being clumsy for his sake and nearly cries about it (even his mother and the villagers never did that for him, and Blue was the only other person to ever pull him away from training for his own good) so he gets a bit emotional. He feels bad for how angry he used to get at Fresh for doing that, but Fresh never gave him a proper explanation either, so it was a two-way street.
And while Fresh was lienent around Blue and Ink, he never slipped up around Nightmare's gang. Though, he did fight seriously, which to him might look like goofing off, which is completely separate from Dream's fighting style. (For now Dream uses Arrows and his Bow, but I'm thinking Tulpa has a T-Shirt Canon or a Nerf Gun by the time they make-up.)
Ideally Fresh cannot be seen during combat because he actually pilots from around Dream's soul, but sometimes his parasite form expands to support Dream's weak joints and act like a shock-absorber.
#utmv#utmv sans#oc#utmv art#utmv oc#my art#spot!drawn#Dreameater au#tulpa#Dream x fresh#fresh x dream#sanscest#<- again technically??? here they're just Strangers dubiously sharing a body tho soooo#anyways#Blue my beloved. he's subtly making sure Dream's alright#but besides being exhausted he's actually better off than he was *befire* fresh so Blue takes that as a good sign#and I love a Dream who is stubborn and has a set routine and expectation who panics and gets a lil#mean when things don't go his way. Golden Child and Prodigey vibes#i'd never project but like... what I wouldn't give to have someone physically stop me from working myself into a fit over#things I can't control 👀#Fresh doesn't care a ton about Dream at this point and his carefulness is more him wanting to keep Dream's soul/vessel in good shape#but that quickly morphs into a protectiveness and care once he realizes just how much strain Dream tries to put on hinself to be perfect#the 'I can fix him' trope but with the character you don't expect (Fresh teaching Dream to value himself as more than a tool)#(even though to Fresh at the start he is *literally* just an asset to Fresh. their dynamic is unhealthy to start but improves later)#dream sans#fresh sans#<- I know neither of them are Sans 😔 itXs just easier to tag like this
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