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mrsmaybank · 4 years ago

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My Little Sun - Spencer Reid x Reader

“Can you imagine it?” I started, “A little girl who looks just like you? I’d be in so much trouble.”

She giggled, “Absolutely whipped.”

PART ONE HERE

A/N: It came out fast!!! I had lowk already started it, so that’s why this update came so quickly. Please don’t expect them all to come this fast LMAO. I usually write slow as fuck. Anyway, I really hope you guys like this part so I can maybe just maybe turn this into a mini series. Please lmk if you guys like :)

CONTENT WARNINGS: KIDNAPPING, PREGNANCY, LANGUAGE, MENTIONS OF SEX (lmk if i missed any please)

I paced the bullpen as the team spoke to Penelope. The shock of her pregnancy was starting to wear off, and now I could think more clearly. How could she? What was she thinking?

Recently, I’d found myself thinking about it more, a baby her and a mini-me. A family of my own, with the love of my life. It was exciting and like a lovesick fool it made my stomach fuzzy. But she wasn’t ready and I couldn’t do that to her. So how could she do it to herself? She hadn’t finished school, hadn’t started her career. She could barely take care of herself! I wasn’t mad, absolutely not. Just disappointed at her self-sabotage and the fact she’d made the decision completely without me. I couldn’t think about it for long though, because I was swiftly reminded by my surroundings that right now, there was a chance I’d lose her, our child and any children we wanted to have in the future. That was the priority.

“Garcia, check her credit card records, we need to see where she last was.” Hotch said.

“Uhm, okay,” Penelope took a deep breath while clicking away, “Let’s see. Her last purchase was last night, 6:49 at a CVS Pharmacy, oh--”

“What Garcia?” Hotch asked.

“She was um, picking up her monthly case of birth control.”

JJ broke the silence, “Spence…” she started towards me.

I breathed a sigh of relief, “Thank god.”

“Thank god?” Morgan questioned.

“She’s 23.” I wiped my face, “Whole life ahead of her.” The team understood what I was trying to say. Rossi’s hand fell on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

“So why would she tell Brook she was?” Garcia asked.

“I uh, I..I don’t know.” I spat out. I really had no idea.

“Think Reid.” Rossi told me. “You guys ever talk about kids or pregnancy?”

“She might be trying to send us a message,” Emily added.

I thought back to the last time we discussed starting a family.

--FLASHBACK--

We were surrounded by timeless pieces of art and history, and yet the true masterpiece was still her. She was always beautiful to me, a perfect being, truly. But today, something about the way she looked today specifically, made her look like the kind of beauty you see in a painting. Had she been a painting, her creator must have been skilled. Each stroke of his brush creating every divine curve of her face and body to produce a work of magnificent art, one that I so proudly hung on the walls of my heart.

I remember exactly what she wore, and how it felt to take it all off. The painter had an eye for color. Her denim skirt, the length or lack thereof making me embarrassingly wary, was blue like the Mediterranean Sea, complementing the pigment of the skin of her legs. A white button down made of silk, not worn properly, of course. Too many buttons were left open at the top, as to draw attention to the gold adorned on her chest, but in the spell of temptation she procured to cast upon me, my eyes wandered to admire territories of her body they shouldn’t have. Not in public, at least. The buttons at the bottom were left untouched as well, revealing the soft skin of her stomach. She looked like an angel, but of course, went out of her way to instead be my temptress.

My affinity for her beauty aside, the wide eyes in delight at the museum artifacts and careful attention to my commentary were what made our excursion wonderful. The feeling of her smaller hand in mine, and the giggles and the teasing “You’re way too nerdy to be so stupid hot Dr. Reid.” made it absolutely perfect.

In exchange for her listening so attentively to my historical facts and stories, I took her for ice cream. She insisted we ate it on the greens of Lincoln Park. Who was I to deny her that? What came next--I expected. She’d devoured it. Made a mess of strawberry ice cream on her white shirt.

“It was the wind!” She insisted as the first of many drips of ice cream fell down her chin.

“No it was not!” I argued back while wiping it, “You just never learned how to eat ice cream properly.” I gently removed the cone from her hands and into mine, taking an overzealous bite. “This, lovey, is how you eat ice cream.”

“Give it back, you...you dickass!” She snorted. We laughed like two lovesick teenagers.

“Dickass?” I asked, eyes watery from laughter.

“Yeah dickass, give me back my damn ice cream.” I took another bite, “Stop! You’re eating it all!” She pouted. Pouts were unfortunately my weakness and I handed it back to her. However, in her rush, the pink scoop had fallen directly on her blouse.

“Way to prove my point,” I started to take off my cardigan, “You want dickass’s sweater?”

She wanted to be mad but couldn’t contain the wince of a smile. “Please.”

We carefully removed her shirt from under while simultaneously putting the cardigan in its place.

“Spence don’t let me flash! There’s kids and judgmental old ladies here!”

I laughed and shushed her, “I know, I know.” I moved all the fabrics quickly and it was done. Her sticky pink shirt was replaced with my soft sweater. “There.”

“My hero,” She kissed me, “Truly.”

She leaned back on our picnic blanket on her shoulders as we observed our fellow park goers. “So many kids.”

I nodded my head in agreement. “Yeah…”

“We should bring our kids here one day.” she said, instantly breaking my haze from the crowd so I could only see her.

I smiled again at the thought, “Yeah, and tell them how their mom is the world's clumsiest ice cream eater.”

She looked at me with disdain before shoving her shoulder into mine. “Shut up.”

“Can you imagine it?” I started, “A little girl who looks just like you? I’d be in so much trouble.”

She giggled, “Absolutely whipped.”

I toppled her so we were laying down, facing each other. She kissed me hard, and my hands went to the sides of her face, only pulling back to say “I can’t wait for it, you know. My two little girls.”

She smiled, “But I’ll always be your favorite right?” she asked sarcastically.

I laughed, “Oh of course. Always.”

“I’ll have a big ol’ belly, you know.” I nodded, “You’d still be perfect.”

“We’d have to go to the mall, buy me a shitload of new clothes. Do ya know how dirty malls are Spence?” I winced at the thought of thousands of strangers bacteria on every surface and she laughed, “Got ya.” I shook my head, “Nope! I uh, I’ll just bring hand sanitizers and uh, to the Maternity section we’ll go.”

“Non-stop Panda express eating.” I nodded again, “I’ll be non-stop Panda Express buying, then.” She smiled so hard her nose scrunched.

“I love you Spencer.”

“I love you too. I am so in love with you.”

--FLASHBACK ENDS--

“Yeah but it was trivial.” I said.

“Maybe not,” Hotch argued, “Was anything mentioned specifically?”

“A name she liked?” Prentiss added, “Maybe a craving she thought she might have? Anything at all?”

I nodded, “Not a food, but a fast food place. Panda Express.” I doubted that would be helpful.

“It’s a stretch but, Garcia, check for any dilapidated buildings within 10 miles of a Panda Express.”

“Yes sir,” She typed away and then said, “No, guys. I’m sorry. All of our Panda Express’s are in pristine malls or new developments.”

“Mall!” I shouted, “She said we’d have to go to the mall! She knows I hate the mall.”

Morgan pointed at us, “The tiles in that room look like they could be from some 80’s Bloomingdales.”

“Garcia-” I said.

“Already on it.”

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The pregnancy ruse was either going to get me killed, or save my life. It was a moment of panic and I just wanted to throw her off. I know it did, but in what direction?

She was still crying, her demeanor with me was still laced with bitter animosity, but she was calmer now.

“How long have you known?” Brook asked, the contents of her flask now empty and her words slurred.

“I found out yesterday.” I lied through my teeth.

She shrugged her shoulders, “Had you guys talked about it?”

“Vaguely.” I admitted.

“What’d Spencer want? Boy or girl?” I debated on whether or not to say, and she caught on. “Don’t fucking lie.” She stated harshly.

“Girl.” I breathed out. “He wants a girl.”

“What do you want?” she asked.

“I don’t care.” I said. That was true.

“How come?”

“I just want to start a family with him. Don’t really care about the gender…” That was true as well.

“Oh.” she nodded her head, “Why’d he want a girl?” It was strange, her genuine curiosity. It freaked me out, but my alternative was being stabbed. I chose to just answer her questions, regardless of how much I really did not want to.

“He liked the idea of a little girl who looked like me.”

She winced, eyes tearing up further. “Right.” I was beginning to realize her feelings were very real.

“You really like him, don’t you?” I asked. I knew I shouldn’t have but I couldn’t help it. My head was still looking for an answer as to how she could be driven to do something like this.

She clasped her hands together, her anger returning. “Don’t fucking start. You know nothing of what I feel for Spencer.” She came up closer and tugged at my hair, “Fucking nothing.”

“Okay,” I grimaced at the pain from the force at which she pulled my hair, “I-I’m sorry.”

She let go, “You should be. You really, really fucking should be.” She sat back down, pensive for a while. I wish I knew what she was thinking about.

My heart had not stopped it’s fast pace ridden with anxiety since I gained full awareness of my situation, but now, it felt like it was going to burst through my chest. Was she planning on just killing me now?

My anticipation ceased when she got up and brought back the camera with her again. “Hello BAU. There has been a change in plans. Your beloved,” The words reeked of sarcasm, “Y/N here, will be returned eventually. . She’s gonna be fine. However, it is now in everybody best interest if this video feed was cut out. Sorry.” She said before mouthing, “No I’m not.” She shut the camera off.

She turned to me, “I hate you. Fucking despise you.” Figures.

“But I would never hurt Spencer. Or his child. Even if it is being carried by a whore like you.”

She began to pace once more, “You’re obviously a mistake on his part. You clearly tricked him with sex and...no just sex I think. You're not really smart enough to be capable of anything else. Regardless, he’s probably already thinking about abortions or adoption. There’s no way in hell a man like him could ever want to start a family with a girl like you.” She shook her head, “Absolutely not.”

I could only nod my head at her delusions. This woman was so far up her ass.

She pinched my cheeks together with her cold hands, “You tried to trap him. How’d that go for you?”

I was silent.

“I asked you a fucking question!” She held my face impossibly tighter.

“Poorly.” I got out, “Poorly.”

“In 9 months, I’ll help you deliver your baby. And then, you can go.” Brook backed away and let go of her tight grip on my face. “I’m keeping the kid. Raising it.” She smiled, “I’ll be the mother Spencer’s child will deserve. And then-” A giggle creepily reminiscent of a schoolgirl’s left her throat, “He’ll love me!”

Brooks intention had twisted from wanting to murder and torture me as revenge for “taking” Spencer, to a now twisted maternal desire for his (hypothetical) child. But if Spencer and his team couldn’t find me before the time I was supposed to be showing, I was fucked. Utterly fucked.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Taglist: @britishspidey

(Let me know to be added)

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phoenixofheaven · 2 years ago

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for the hypokits, maybe fireheart x tigerclaw?

also, how is your day going :3 ?

Just realized that I forgot to put the drawing there lmao 🤡😭

My day is going pretty well! I was not feeling well yesterday, but I'm doing much better today. Thank you so much for asking! :D I hope you are having a good day as well ♥️

...

Enemies to lovers. You know what time it is ;) Also, Tigerclaw is good here, so don’t worry!

Fireheart and Tigerclaw don’t like each other. Plain and simple. That is until Tigerclaw saves him during the battle protecting Windclan from Riverclan and Shadowclan. Then their feelings (specifically Fire’s) change a little. Then they change even more when Tigerclaw saves him again after he nearly falls into the overflowing river. It's after that when their relationship truly begins.

For a while the pair were very happy. But when the fire breaks out in Thunderclan camp, Tigerclaw dies in the flames trying to help others escape. Cherrykit is born to a heartbroken Fireheart in Riverclan, who is later made deputy. Bluestar, who is already going against starclan at this point, believed Cherry was a curse sent by starclan and hoped that making Fireheart deputy would stop them from ruining her clan any further. So ... a little bit of a harsh start for poor Cherryclaw.

...

Cherryclaw has had a tough attitude since she was little. Being the daughter of two of Thunderclan’s greatest warriors (her own words), she was very spoiled. In the nursery, she always made the rules of the games. Her bossy demeanor made a lot of the kits avoid her, and as an apprentice, she didn’t have many friends.

Of course, Cherryclaw got older and grew out of her “bossy phase”. Although, she can still be pretty overbearing sometimes. Few in the clan can see that what hides underneath her cold shell is a big heart. She genuinely cares for her clan mates and sometimes for the cats for other clans too.

Slowly but surely, more cats are getting to know more about this fiery molly. They’ll soon get to know her for who she truly is. All she wants is to care for her clanmates and make Thunderclan. She is definitely a mix of her fathers.

...

I'm currently working on a backstory for Cherry! For those who've read or are familiar with the A Song of Ice and Fire series, I got kinda inspired by the Tragedy at Summerhall haha! I feel like in every story I've read that includes a character being born outside a burning fire always becomes an absolute boss or is just a very important character 😂.

Cherry's backstory itself might be told from the persective of a character other than Fireheart or Tigerclaw tho. I'm still thinking. I hope you'll like whatever I eventually come up with!

#firestar #tigerclaw #warrior cats #hypokits #the fire in Rising Storm #inspiration mainly from the asoiaf series

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marriael · 4 years ago

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Be my Latibule? (Changbin x Reader)

@skzrequests

Request: My pace 24 w changbin? uwu im a sucker for the idea of tattooist bin lmao I so vibed with this request, I love thinking about tattoist bin

Word count: 3717

a/n: part of the reason this took so long is I had to restart it twice :(

You walk into work at Insomnia Coffee Shop and your co-worker, Sohee, greets you.

“Anyone fun yet?” You ask. She's usually in when the store opens and often gets the most interesting customers.

“Not today. But yesterday a cute guy came in and ordered 3 americanos. Turns out it was for him and 2 friends. I tried to give them for free cause he looked half dead but he wouldn't let me. Who even does that?“

While she was talking you had slipped on the ugly orange apron and scowl when you noticed someone double knotted and didn't untie the strings.

You shake your head, “probably a college student pulling an all-nighter. What college student turns down free anything? Ugh, I wish some cute barista offered me free coffee, just, ever.”

Sohee turns and passes the drink over the counter. “For Jeno!”

A cute guy comes up to grab and winks at her before he turns to the door. Your jaw drops a little and you slap her shoulder.

“Is he a regular?” You ask.

“Nope. Said he got a recommendation from a friend and went out of his way to come. Weird day to do it though.”

You hum as the next customer comes in and you get thoroughly distracted. It isn’t until he comes up to the counter and speaks that you stop staring blankly.

“1 latte, 1 americano,” his voice is low and rough and he’s a little bit intimidating honestly. He’s got a small bit of a tattoo poking out one of the sleeves and you try and look at it before you have to turn around.

“Is that a tattoo?” You ask him when you turn around.

He rolls the short sleeve up to his shoulder to expose the full tattoo and you stare at the simple beauty of the moon and stars.

“Woah, that’s cool!” Sohee must’ve seen him just in her peripheral… or she was staring like you. You nod emphatically in agreement.

He blushes a little and says “thanks. Couldn’t reach this part of my arm or else I would’ve done it myself, but I still drew it.”

“Do you work at a tattoo parlour then?”

“Yeah, I do a lot of the designs for our place,”

You gasp, “can I come look at them? Please?” You pout trying to convince him to accept your strange request. You just felt something pulling you towards these drawings and the man who made them.

He looks at you for a moment then says, “yeah, let me give you the address. When you come in just ask for Changbin.”

He pulls out a random business card, not his unfortunately, and writes down the address. He slides it over and covers his smile with a sip.

You turn back to the coffee machines as he walks out the door but Mina stops you.

“Changbin huh? He was pretty cute,” she smirks.

“Hush your mouth and get back to work, brat.”

“Nuh-uh! I get to leave now but if, no no not if when, you meet him we're talking about this later.”

The next day was Tuesday and, thankfully, it was mostly empty of things for you. So you pull out the piece of paper Changbin gave you and looked up the address.

It was just a couple blocks down from the coffee shop and you head out. The building is small and squished right between a bakery and a florist, basically some cheesy romance just waiting to happen.

You walked in and looked around. There were corkboards on either sidewall and they were filled with drawings pinned to them. The bottoms of them fluttered a little at the draft you brought with you.

When you looked at him the man behind the counter raised an eyebrow at you. Ah, so it was very obvious you wouldn't be in here often.

You let out a little nervous laugh, “hi, Changbin told me to come see him here?”

The man raised both eyebrows at that. You fiddled as he looked you over again then laughed a little. “Changbin!” He suddenly yelled.

From one of the closed side rooms comes a muffled voice “go away Chan, I’m busy!”

The man at the desk, Chan, turns back to you “sorry, he’s always like this. He’s probably just sketching a custom.”

“Oh, I can come back later if he’s busy.”

Chan doesn’t answer you and instead yells at Changbin again “I know you’re not actually busy. Your partner is here to see you!”

“Hey!” You protest but Chan just grins at you as you hear the door open.

“Chan what the hell are you-” Changbin cuts himself off and gently smiles when he sees you “hey, didn’t think you were actually gonna come.”

You smile back at him. He looks much softer when he’s smiling and you were briefly caught off guard.

“Tell me again about how you’re not dating or at least interested, “ Chan’s eyes flick between the shy but wide smiles on yours and Changbin’s faces.

Changbin rolls his eyes but inclines his head towards the door he was behind and you follow behind him. He closes the door most of the way behind you and then moves to sit at the desk in the far corner. There are more drawings in here and you assume all of them are his. It’s a wide variety of subjects, from small sketches of animals and plants to large and detailed fantasy creatures.

“Sorry about Chan, he’s always delighted in teasing anyone who’s younger than him,” Changbin shakes his head, probably at Chan even though he can’t see or hear in the room.

“Have you two known each other a long time then?” You ask and tilt your head a little.

“Ah, yeah,” Changbin looks at you again, “most of us met in high school and a couple joined right at the start of college. College was really when our whole group started getting close, too.”

“Sounds nice,” you were paying attention to him, promise, but with such wonderful drawings surrounding you, you really couldn’t help it if your attention drifted a bit.

Changbin notices and raises an eyebrow slightly, “interested in getting one?”

“What? Oh, no no, not right now at least. They’re just… really, really good.”

Changbin immediately looks down and smiles, and you could swear he was blushing a bit but when he looks back up it's gone.

“There’s a couple hidden ones in here that aren’t mine. Think you can spot ‘em?” He challenges.

You immediately head up to one of the boards and stand about 5 centimetres away. You push a couple of them up and out of the way, making sure to be careful. There really is all sorts of stuff, Changbin must be pretty busy. A rushing river done with such detail you can almost see it moving. Swirls that when you look just right suddenly snap into focus to make an abstract, soaring bird. Nature moulded with a person or item in such a seamless way that there is not a difference between them, they are simply one continuous sight.

You’re looking for hidden drawings, not ogling at Changbin’s skills. Right. When you move one more there is a small piece of paper. There is… something on it. Either Changbin drew this when he was about 5 years old or it was someone else.

“Hey, I found one. I don’t even know what this is though, it looks like a squiggle.”

Changbin laughs, “hold on.”

He comes and looks right over your shoulder. You can feel his hot breath on your ear and feel his chest move when he laughs at the drawing again. You quickly reign in the slight disappointment when he moves away.

“Yeah, that’s the thing Chan keeps trying to make our mascot. Felix and I won’t let him so until one of us breaks it’s two against one,” he shrugs and it doesn’t look like he feels bad at all.

“Do all your friends have a drawing stashed in here somewhere?”

“Well, I’ve seen at least 16 drawings put in here so yes they all have one. Some of them and Felix, Jisung’s special twin, has hidden at least 4. There’s probably more that he did when I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Ugh, how many friends do you even have. If it’s more than, like, 6 I might be genuinely angry.”

Changbin practically cackles, “well then get ready to be absolutely furious. There’s 9 of us, including myself and everyone I’ve already mentioned.”

“That’s not even fair! How have you all been friends for so long without someone murdering someone else.”

“Oh, believe me. Seungmin’s wanted to. Unfortunately, his best friends are some of our greatest problem children. Though sometimes I'm pretty sure he'll murder them first.”

“Any other possible murderers I should worry about seeing?” You flip a couple more pictures up, still passively looking for any other weird drawings.

“Hm, Minho's murderous intentions are usually directed at Jisung. He'd do it for his cats too, though. He definitely fits in well.”

“Were there concerns about him not fitting in?”

“Yeah 'cause, he was the last one to join us, but he’s just as chaotic if not more. For Chan’s graduation night he insisted on using some mini firework things he found. Nearly lit himself and Jisung on fire with the very first one.”

Something clicks in your brain. You’ve heard this story before, from one of your random classmates. He was… interesting, to put it politely.

“Are you talking about Lee Minho? The smug bastard who tried to get everyone to call him Lee Know for like 5 months? And Han Jisung, my co-worker kind of, that I’m pretty sure hates me for some reason?”

“Wait, you know them? And why do you think Jisung hates you?”

“Yeah, Minho was my weird classmate. I’m like 90% sure Jisung hates me because he barely looks at me and gives one-word answers to all of my questions. I don’t really see him other than during shift switches but still!”

“I think Minho actually might have mentioned you before. And Jisung is just like that around people he doesn’t know. Trust me, he actually has the capacity to be the loudest person in the room. By far.”

“Huh, I wonder how many of your friends I actually know.”

"Well, we're hanging out on Thursday. Do you want to come with and meet some more of them?”

You hum thoughtfully, thinking of any possible commitments you had made lately, “I probably can but can I bring Sohee? Just so I know someone there?”

“Do I still not count as someone you know?” He whines and pouts a little for the extra effect.

“Not enough. If you all go off on some inside joke I need someone to be confused with.”

“Actually fair, because it might happen. I’ll let you know when and where we’re going later then.”

You pull out your phone and extend it to him, when he looks at it confused you raise an eyebrow, “unless you plan to send it by bird I recommend putting your number in my phone.”

He makes a surprised noise and keeps his eyes away from you and on your phone. It has not spread to his face but under his dark hair his bright red ears peek out just enough for you to see. Even when handing it back he doesn’t look at you and you smile at his bashfulness.

“See ya soon, Bin. I work again tomorrow.”

Directions are not always your strong suit. You’d like to believe they are and that’s how you end up like this, no map and unsure of what direction you should even look in.

“You look lost,” a voice comes from behind you.

You spin around. A tall puppy-like guy is standing behind you, he looks slightly amused and you’re betting it’s at your expense.

“Yeah, do you know where M.I.A Café is?”

“Oh,” he nods, “yeah I’m going there. Let’s go.”

It’s slightly awkward, walking this distance with someone you don’t know. You search your brain with how to start a conversation with someone.

“Are you… meeting someone at the café?” You ask, slightly awkward.

“Yeah, a couple of my friends.”

“Huh, so am I. Well, actually, it’s someone else’s friends and I’m just kinda tagging along,” you shrug, realizing how awkward this will probably be.

“Good luck with that,” he says as he holds the door for you.

You enter and scan the tables for Changbin’s face. You wave and slip into the chair opposite him. On the edge of the table thankfully, hopefully Sohee can recognize the back of your head. Someone sits next to you and you get a little shock seeing who it is.

He grins at you, “hey stranger.”

The guy you walked all that way with one of Changbin’s friends!

Changbin looks between you confusedly, “you know Seungmin?”

“He helped me get here. I might have gotten a little lost.”

“A little, ok. You had no idea where you were,” Seungmin snarks.

“Maybe so!”

“Well good to know you get along with another one of my friends already,” Changbin interjects.

Someone comes up and sits beside Changbin.

“Hey, I’m Hyunjin,” he greets you simply.

You give him a little wave. You don’t like judging people so fast but he’s a little intimidating.

You hear a little scrape of a chair beside and Sohee pops down at the end of the table.

“Sohee, you made it!”

“Yeah, no thanks to you,” she sticks out her tongue at you.

“I’ve seen you somewhere before,” Hyunjin speaks up and you whip your head towards him.

Sohee looks at him and squints for a moment. They start looking at each other for so long that you think they’re actually just having a staring contest. You think you recognize someone walking outside but when you actually look out the window you have no idea who any of them are. It’s still a nice day out, maybe you can go out somewhere after this.

“Oh! You’re the guy I thought was going to drink 3 americanos the other day!”

“Sohee~” you sing.

“What?” She looks at you, annoyed.

“You forgot an important detail that you told me about him.”

She looks genuinely confused for a moment before catching on and shaking her head, “shut up, nope nope nope.”

“You think he’s cute!” You cackle.

You, Changbin, and Seungmin make fun of Sohee and Hyunjin for a little while. It backfires when Sohee manages to sneakily turn the attention on you, well you and Changbin. Together, you being together.

“Yeah, and you stared at him for so long when he came in!” Sohee says.

“Sohee, kindly shut your mouth,” you reply, smiling the most pained and fake smile ever.

“Ok, please don’t pour your drink on me, I’m afraid. Also we work together so I’m coming for you.”

You just roll your eyes at her, you didn’t actually scare her and you both know that. She just likes to be some sort of annoying sister to you.

Hyunjin clears his throat and when you look at him his eyes are bright. He smiles sneakily and says, “you should hear about the time Changbin actually poured his drink on someone.”

“Hyunjin that was an accident and you know it!” Changbin exclaims, attempting to shoulder check a giggling Hyunjin.

You breeze into Blueprint Tattoos and Chan looks up in surprise.

“Hey there, didn’t know you were coming in today.”

You let out a single, unnatural ‘ha’, “I didn’t know either but uh, here I am.”

“Well, Changbin’s in his usual spot. I don’t think he has anything today.”

“Thanks,” you nod stiffly.

Looking around at the cork boards you can see some of them definitely done in Changbin’s style and a handful more you suspect would be his. You breathe out heavily and slouch a little before straightening and walking towards where Changbin should be, full of false confidence.

“Are you ok?” Chan asks and when you look over his eyebrows are furrowed and his forehead pinched down a little. The concern from someone you barely know is a little unusual but the warmth you get from it is welcoming.

“Yeah, just a little nervous you know?” You force a small laugh but you know it’s not convincing.

“Oh!” Chan exclaims, “well if this is what I think it is then good luck.”

Chan’s face is completely relaxed and you feel a little bit bad for making him worry so much. You’re not entirely sure what he thinks you’re doing but you smile at his kindness as you open Changbin’s door.

He has headphones in and doesn’t hear when you close the door behind you. You stand there for a minute, back against the door, just looking at him. Most people move to what they’re listening to but the only thing moving is his hand and it glides across the page. You have no idea what he’s doing but you just hope he’ll show it to you when he’s done.

You take a big breath in and out before approaching him. Tapping his shoulder gently you hope not to cause him to jerk his arm and ruin a line or anything. He stops completely and pulls his headphones out. He looks a little annoyed but then he looks up to see you and his face eases.

“Hi! I didn’t know you were coming today. Anything specific on the brain or did you just want to hang out with Best Friend Binnie?” He gives you an exaggerated and comical wink.

“Give me a tattoo?” You say, surprisingly calm for how jittery you actually feel.

“Wait, what? Are you sure? Like really sure?”

You roll your eyes like a stereotypical teenager would at their parents, that is to say, so far back it felt like they would disappear into your head, “no, Changbin, I’m not sure. I’ve really only been thinking about it basically since the first time I walked into this room.”

“That was only a week ago,” Changbin deadpans.

“Yeah, and?”

Changbin shakes his head, “I’m not going to give you a tattoo you’ll regret.”

You look around at the drawings. Feeling like that one action gave this decision away as way more spontaneous than it had originally seemed. Yes, you had been thinking about getting one and getting Changbin to do it for you but doing it today specifically was a complete impulse.

“I’m not going to regret it! Bin, please,” you pout at him.

Changbin tilts his head to look at the ceiling as if it will give him some guidance.

“What do you want?”

You clap your hands excitedly and then hesitate again.

“Well, I know I want a flower but… I want you to choose which one. I want it to be a flower with a good meaning behind it.”

Changbin nods and stands there considering your request. You take the time to look around his office again. Staring at all the intricate drawings on the walls you feel a bit dorky choosing to get a simple flower. Your eyes briefly catch on two stylized drawings of the word SpearB. One of them has a cute little ‘Binnie~’ under it and the other has a messy ‘Chanathan’ in English and Korean.

There are a couple of flowers scattered throughout the room so you’re a bit surprised when you hear Changbin ripping a page out of his sketchbook. His back is to you so you can’t see him cutting it down to a size to la and trace on your body. You can hear the gentle snips of scissors as you distract yourself with rows of flowers connected and individual petals with such detail you could believe them being real.

You watch as he gently traces the pattern onto your skin. You don’t recognize the flower right away but it looks delicate and beautiful. You think you catch him glancing up at you a few times but you’re pretty sure the clock is behind you and he’s looking at that.

You zone out almost entirely as he prepares. Well, it’s not exactly zoning out. You’d say it’s appreciation of an attractive man, your friends would say that you’re just checking him out.

Ok, so what if you are? Changbin’s shirt has no sleeves which means his arms are on full display which means that you can’t stop looking at the muscles flexing as he moves. Thankfully you’re conscious enough to look away when he turns back around.

The buzz of the gun wakes you up and Changbin is looking at you.

“All good?” He asks.

“Yeah, let’s do this.”

You watch for a moment as he starts going and the ink sinks permanently into your skin. It’s a strange thing to conceptualize, something being on your body forever. You catch a glimpse of Changbin’s concentrated face and you get completely distracted by him. If this is what he looks like everytime he gives a tattoo then you want to observe, even study, him.

His mouth is set in a firm line and eyebrows pinched slight inwards and downwards. His eyes are wide and focused and if you look closely enough you can see every slight movement of his irises following his hand around.

Neither of you say a word and you don’t dare move to try and look at the clock or your phone. Just watching and waiting in silence, but together. A shared silence is different than one had alone.

Silences by yourself can feel wrong sometimes but this kind of silence with Changbin feels so right that you almost never want it to end.

Good things often come quicker than they should and soon the buzzing stops. You can hear phantom buzzing still and suspect you will for quite a while. You lift your arm and look at it, it’s finished now but you’re still not sure what it is and certainly not what it means.

“What is it?” You ask.

“An almond blossom. It, uh, it means promise.”

“Promise, huh?” You grin and look at Changbin's pink-ish face.

You expect him to have some witty comment but instead, he just smiles goofily and breathlessly says, “yeah.”

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memoriashell · 4 years ago

Text

seashells and shores ( and something a bit more )

Characters / Pairing: Fukawa Touko / Naegi Komaru, ensemble class 78; varyingly background / implied ships are sakuraoi / ishimondo / celeschi / naeleogami

crossposted on ao3

Notes: a very late day 3 for @tokomaruweek. beach prompt! yesterday i was feeling a little burnt out so i decided to not write since i didn’t want to put out something half assed. hopefully this being a bit longer helps make up for it! ( and by a bit, i mean i basically doubled the word count compared to what i’ve done for this week so far lmao rip so much for hoping i’d catch up tonight )

rated t for touko's trauma. and also for junko having her tits out. thanks junko.

anyways tw for like trauma, the general self-depricating / self-concious stuff for toko but also like. her trauma w/ water is brought up since it's. beach? and also drowning doesn't actually happen but it is brought up. and touko mentions claustrophobia in relation to her trauma offhandedly once, and again, just generally feeling insecure.

also it's kinda implied that chihiro and celes are both trans thank you!!!

Summary: going to the beach isn't exactly an exciting thought for her, given the fact she has no desire getting in the water.

komaru seems dead set on making sure she makes some memories anyways.

Do you want to come to the beach with us? That is the first text of the morning that she receives, courtesy of Makoto Naegi. Touko considers asking who he means by us, gathers that he probably means some assortment of their classmates, and ( while it is very tempting to say yes ) concludes that she can safely say no. And she intends to do exactly that, but she gets a set of texts that stops her from being able to do so.

touko-chan!!!!

ur coming with us, right?

you should come with us!

itll be fun!

So Komaru would be there too— their...friendship is odd, all things considered. Not that the knowledge of knowing she’d be there makes the offer any more tempting, but she bites her lip and considers what to say. Not that there’s really much of a question, just keep it blunt and to the point as per usual. No point in sugar coating things.

I’m busy. Maybe next time. She’s not that busy, current manuscript aside. Not that Touko intended on ever not being busy. It’s not her fault that Komaru is too dense to take a hint.

awww :(

pls?

if u don’t wanna get in the water, ill make sure they’ll leave you alone. im sure you won’t be the only one that doesnt want to!!

Ah. She might have to ( partially ) retract her statement on Komaru being dense. Had she figured out her reluctance without her even mentioning it, or had that just been a lucky guess? Maybe it was just Makoto’s luck rubbing off on her...

i understand if you don’t want to come

and i’ll leave u alone if u rlly dont wanna come.

but it wont be as much fun without you there :(

Urgh. Yeah, this girl doesn’t understand a thing, does she? She’s probably not even realized the impact her words have on her. Touko grumbles under her breath, but figures she should respond before Komaru sends another text begging trying to convince her.

Fine.

I’m not going in the water, though.

If this goes horribly wrong, I’m blaming you.

That is a lie. Even if worst comes to worst and Syo feels the need to front for her, she won’t hold it against her. She’s the one who agreed, after all. It’s just one last attempt at offering her an out. To change her mind. Like she should. But Komaru is nothing if not stubborn, so she doesn’t really expect that offer to be taken up on. She starts making a mental checklist of what she probably needs to take with her, doesn’t get very far into that list because Komaru’s response is nearly instantaneous.

yayayayay tnk u touko-chan ily!!!!!! :D

we’ll pick u up k????

ur staying @ the place near the dorms right? see u soon!! ♡♡

Touko grimaces at the butchering of language that is Komaru’s texting ( and ignores her own fluttering heart upon seeing the casual hearts sprinkled in at the end ), and sends back, If you love me, fix your grammar.

The car ride over is mostly uneventful. In that she means she feels like she’s going to have a headache before they even get there and Makoto keeps giving her a sympathetic look. In other words, she’s learned that Komaru and both Asahina siblings should not be left to entertain themselves for the hour-long car ride, but the only silver lining here is that it was only an hour-long ride and hopefully they would be tired out for the ride back.

The highlight of the hour was that even if it’d been a tight squeeze in the backseat, that meant she’d been ( somewhat ) uncomfortably sandwiched between the door and Komaru herself. She’s a little surprised that it doesn’t set off her claustrophobia, but reckons that might just be because it’s too bright to remind her of being locked in a closet. And also because Komaru is generally distracting in close proximity, from the way she’d been halfway sitting on her lap, to the faint scent of what Touko figures to be her shampoo.

She also considers it a victory that she did not dissociate in the midst of that, but probably only because Komaru kept checking on her and apologizing for how close they are: she’d had to bite her tongue several times from saying something harsher than she’d really mean. She doesn't hate Syo, but probably counterintuitive to let them front today: whether they are aware of this, or simply just disinterested in trying to front right now, she is thankful. If nothing else, she would consider this some kind of learning moment. Maybe. Something to draw inspiration from?

Still, once she’s free from the confines of the car, she can actually relax a little— or does for all of two seconds before Komaru has grabbed onto her free hand and started dragging her towards the loud group that she recognizes as her class. Yuta and Aoi had bolted out of the car the moment they’d come to a stop to race to the waters ( she can’t imagine being that athletic and feels tired watching them ). Touko gazes back longingly at the confines of the car and the consideration that she might’ve been able to isolate herself there, but her grip’s pretty tight on her hand. Which is nice, and distracts her from thinking about escaping until it's way too late, and she’s forced to look at the group before her, and—

Slaps a hand over Komaru’s eyes with a groan. “Enoshima, wh-what the fuck, you—” She holds off on the ( derogatory ) word she wants to say, and just scowls at the sight before her. “This isn’t a...a nude beach? Are you t-t-trying to get us in trouble or something?” Granted she’s not technically completely nude, but also more revealing than she should be. Seriously, she would��ve figured that Ishimaru would’ve already told Enoshima off already because what else is he good for ( then again, he is single-handedly the only person who would probably take no real issue with it, or be naively convinced by her that it wasn’t really a problem, so maybe she really shouldn’t be that surprised ).

Enoshima cackles at her. “Don’t be a prude, Fukawa! Or are you jealous? I’m just trying to get a sick tan.” While she’s at it, where the hell is Ikusaba to keep her sister in check? Whatever, that’s not really important, and she refuses to dignify that with a response given that Enoshima probably only wants to get a rise out of her.

Instead, she makes sure to put a decent distance between them before removing her hand from over Komaru’s eyes with a huff. “Urgh, honestly...what on earth m-made her think that was a, a good idea?” She grumbles, glancing around now that she doesn’t have to stare directly at...that.

Actually, now that she looks around, the only seemingly responsible person from their class currently present was Oogami— and honestly, she seems too busy being in love with her girlfriend to count ( if it wasn’t kind of heartwarming, she’d probably be disgusted. Not in a homophobic way, in a general ew PDA sort of way ). As for any else viably responsible: Kirigiri being absent wasn’t a surprise, Fujisaki’s too soft to really keep people in check, Byakuya is...his own entirely separate category, and she would rather die than count Hagakure as responsible in any capacity. And Makoto might be a voice of reason, but she’s pretty sure he’s utterly useless here. Which is probably a horrible sign of things to come, but what else did she expect from anything involving her peers?

“You don’t want to go in the water, right?” Komaru’s voice cuts in through her thoughts, watching her closely before taking her hand to start pulling her along then. “We should set up somewhere to sit, then!”

We? She thinks, but instead attempts to free her hand from her grip and voices, “...Don’t you want to go in th-the water with the rest of them? You don’t have to, uh, to stay with me, you know. I’m not a k-k-kid.”

Her expression looks conflicted. “Well, yeah, of course I do want to! But only for a bit, probably? I mean, it’d be kind of rude to leave you alone since I asked you to come?”

She ignores the way her stomach twists at that, and purses her lips. “Technically s-speaking, Makoto asked first. You aren’t— it’s not rude of you to want...to want to have some fun without me. I know I’m n-n-not fun to stick around.” She knows she wouldn’t want to stick around herself if she had the choice. “It’s not like, like I wasn’t prepared for th-that.”

“Yeah, but— that’s the thing. You shouldn’t be! And I want to spend time with everyone, and that includes you too.” And now she’s sulking. God. Fukawa is about to growl back something she’ll probably regret saying, but is saved from doing so by a much calmer voice interrupting, having overheard their argument.

“Why don’t you go join your brother for a bit? Fukawa-san can join us if she would like to. We have an extra seat.”

Celes looks hot— and she means that in a very literal sense ( mostly ), decked out in one of her usual frilly black dresses. She looks out of place in the hot summer heat. Touko is also not sure where and how she managed to get a table out here ( and tea, apparently, and you know what she’s just not going to question it ), but Fujisaki is already pulling out the extra seat in offering, and she sighs reluctantly. Better this than feeling like she’s holding Komaru back.

“G-G-Go. Or...or I’ll let Syo toss you in the water.” Not really a threat - if anything, Syo would dive bomb into the water with her. Argh, maybe she should’ve just let them front today...

( No, no she shouldn’t have. The only person currently present that Syo would’ve mostly listened to would be Komaru— and maybe Makoto or Fujisaki if they were feeling generous— which is an entirely different set of issues she doesn’t want to linger on. Needless to say, she doesn’t particularly want Syo to cause chaos today )

Touko is saved from having to argue further with her on this because as Komaru opens her mouth to protest, Yuta comes to steal her away, blabbering on about something about a game they should play: and while he’s definitely as oblivious as his sister, she’ll consider that a good thing, just this once. The only words Komaru manages to get in is to ask Toko to keep her bag for her, which she would’ve done anyways, picking it up from where she’d dropped it. She watches them wander off ( and only looks away when Komaru starts discarding the clothes she’d been wearing over her swimsuit ) before trudging over to sit next to Fujisaki, who flashes her a small smile as she types away on her laptop.

“I am surprised you came, Fukawa-san. You do not seem like the type for these activities. You are usually quite disinterested in participating in these kinds of things, in fact. Did something change?” Ugh. This is why Touko hates being around Ludenberg. Because she’s observant, generally only bested by Kirigiri in that regard, and is generally good at picking people apart when it comes to lies and acts and fronts ( though Touko would argue this is from personal experience, and not from being a gambler ). And this fact would have irritated her, quite honestly, if she had not self-sabatoged herself by taking it as an insult, instead.

“I-I-I get it. No one really wants...wants me here. That’s what you meant, right...? You don’t have to r-remind me.” She grits her teeth. If nothing else, when she isn’t busy lying, Touko can appreciate her honesty. The tiny hand that wraps around her wrist stops her from saying anything further, even if it doesn’t take much to wrench her arm out of Fujisaki’s grasp: but she gets the feeling she is only able to do so because she isn’t actually trying to hold on too tightly.

“I’m sure th-that’s not what she meant, Fukawa-san...” Ever quick to play peacekeeper, she supposes. Touko simply grumbles at her and rolls her eyes. “...Especially since not everyone was available today, it’s nice that you were able to join us!”

“Yes, it is a shame. I would have liked for Yamada-kun to have been able to help with my tea, today.” Celes sighs as if disappointed— really? That’s what she’s on about?

Touko does a second look at who is not currently gathered, and denotes, “Is Maizono st-still out on tour...?” She thinks Komaru had mentioned something like that in passing.

“Yes! Maizono-san is on tour, Yamada-kun is at an important convention, Ikusaba-san, she’s...doing some kind of training...? I think Kirigiri-san is supposed to be on the tail end of a rough case, and...” Here Fujisaki pauses to giggle into her hand. “I sh-shouldn’t really laugh at this really, but Ishimaru-kun got sick. Oowada-kun had to force him to rest since he had been trying to work through it and made it worse for himself... or so that’s what I was told.”

Oh, so that’s the reason she hasn’t heard the loudmouths today? She might take back her sentiments on Ishimaru being useless, but he’s on thin fucking ice. Of course the overachiever would get sick during the summer holidays— apparently, she’s not alone in that thought.

“Only Ishimaru-kun would get sick during vacation and still manage to find a reason to not take a break.” Celes rolls her eyes, but Touko gets the feeling she’s amused too.

“So wh-what you’re saying is, uh, is that Oowada’s going to get sick next...right? I guess— we’ll find out if idiots get s-s-sick or not.” Touko quips— which earns a softer laugh from Fujisaki, so that’s pretty good.

Of course, it wouldn’t be like her if she didn’t put her foot in her mouth almost immediately afterwards by asking why they aren’t going in the water: she’s not really surprised because Celes rarely participates in gym ( and coming from Touko that says a lot ), but she was pretty sure Fujisaki wasn’t that self-conscious of herself. Not as much? Not that she really has any place to talk in that regard.

“Well, we already went to the beach at the start of the summer holidays! I’m not really missing out on anything, and it’s probably not my last opportunity to go during this break anyways.” And then, a little more sheepishly. “...Also I’m close to making a breakthrough on this code, I think. I wanted the fresh air, but I don’t really think I can afford to take much of a break right now.”

“She would have stayed on the train if I did not warn her we were approaching our stop, I believe. And not all of us can be like Enoshima. The brazenness of that woman is truly something else.” Touko is not sure if she says that from a place of respect or fear, and honestly she relates. And also doesn’t say any further on the subject because Celes gives her a dirty look.

Her gaze goes back out to their peers— she is pointedly avoiding needing to look at where Enoshima is— and spots Komaru and Yuta splashing around with Aoi and Oogami. Well, it looks like just splashing at least, from where she’s at. And Hagakure, who really just looks like an out-of-place sea cretin with the way his hair floats on the water’s surface, so. There’s that?

( No, she’s not at all envious of the fact that all of them get to have fun because they don’t have crippling fears: the ocean does not instill the same fear of confinement that a cramped bathtub does, but fear— there is still the fear that something will tug her down and her body will simply let herself dragged underneath out of instinct, a fear of something worse if she tries to fight for survival— )

Focus. She can feel the way her breath catches a little, the uneasy way her heart beats and concentrates on calming down. She doesn’t seem to have gotten Syo’s attention yet, nor anyone else’s, thankfully. She’ll just...watch Komaru for now, yeah. It takes a moment to relocate her, head breaching from underneath the water and surfacing like...like one of the sea’s legendary enchantresses. She means that in a wholly respectful way, of course, watching the way she shakes the water from her hair, mouth open in a wide grin while she laughs. Touko doesn’t need to hear her to know that on the sole basis of her appearance— the bright look in her eyes is enough to say she is happily enjoying herself without her.

On that note, hm. Maybe she can use some of that for the basis of her next novel— something about a siren and a lady visiting the sea? Tragic romances are always a hit, aren’t they? Okay maybe a tragic lesbian romance is more self-projection, but that's besides the point. No one has to know its self-projection if people eat it up like anything else that has her name on it.

Or maybe you need to talk to a therapist more often? Syo contributes helpfully, apparently having become more conscious at some point. Maybe her panic hadn’t gone as unnoticed as she thought. Not that they’re wrong, but talking to a therapist isn’t exactly going to help with her gay pining ( unfortunately, she wishes it were that simple ).

Yeah, that’s not something she really wants to linger on, and as if Celes can read her mind, says, “How do you ladies feel about a bet?”

“Pass.” Touko says immediately, because she is arguably far from a smart person, but she is smart enough to know to not take her chances against the ultimate gambler. Celes ignores her.

“You see, I would bet that Komaru—”

“No. We’re leaving h-her out of it.” Toko interrupts, and Fujisaki ( thankfully, like the god sent angel she is, even if she seems too good to be real ) nods her agreement.

“I don’t think Naegi-kun would be really happy if he heard us talking about his little sister like that...” Her reasoning is fair, if nothing else.

“Fine. Do you think Naegi-kun is going to interfere on Togami-kun’s behalf, or help Kuwata-kun?” A painted fingernail points out the trio by the sea. Kuwata seems pretty intent on forcing Togami into the sea, suit and all, much to his disdain. The duo is yelling, probably. On the other hand, Makoto just looks like he doesn’t know whose side he’s supposed to be on here.

In the end, it doesn’t matter because by some luck ( or lack thereof ) Togami manages to trip on a washed up stone and ends up taking the other two boys down with him. The heir doesn’t even look all that mad, really, as Kuwata dunks him back under the water in retaliation: she knows what his angry face is, and that is not it, even if it looks kind of like he’s swallowing a lemon.

Or maybe that’s just her and her sour mood feeling like she’s swallowed several lemons raw because Touko doesn’t know how to make lemonade out of all the citrus life has handed her.

“By the way Fukawa-san, about Komaru—” Celes starts, but is interrupted by Komaru’s sharp yelling, which is followed by the wet feeling of her arms wrapping around her. Touko frowns, pushing her away.

“You’re w-wet.” She states the obvious as she makes a face, not that that seems to stop her. “Are you...you're done going in the water f-f-for now?”

“Mhm! It’s too cold in the water, honestly. You’re nice and warm.” Komaru hums happily, and she grabs a towel from her bag to wrap her up in it before she ends up being the next sick kid. “I was thinking we could maybe spilt a snack...? And then we could make a sandcastle! Asahina-san was telling me about shells she saw earlier that we could use?” Touko bites back a small snort at how childish she sounds.

“Yeah, yeah— let go of me, s-so I can get up...” She agrees, ignoring the curious way Celes’ watches their interactions. She mutters something that passes for a thanks before she leaves ( not that she thinks Fujisaki notices at that point, full enraptured by her laptop screen ).

By snack, Touko realizes that this is more of a way of making sure she eats lunch— Syo had not so accidentally let it slip once that when she gets caught up on things, she has the tendency to skip meals. She bites her tongue on saying that it wasn’t necessary and instead pays for their meal because she can do that, she has the money to spare for that kind of thing: and she knows she doesn’t need to, but sometimes she feels like she needs to make it up to her before Komaru gets sick of their friendship.

And if it comes off like a date, that’s simply just coincidence.

When they return to the shore, Komaru drags her off to an area a little more secluded— she doesn’t really realize this at first, simply accepting her fate to follow along, but notices she can’t really hear anyone else. It helps her relax, feel like she doesn’t need to be so guarded.

( It doesn’t stop Touko from briefly complaining about how sandy she’s going to get because of this, which is annoying. And then immediately shuts up because Komaru offers to let her borrow her clothes, and she has nothing coherent that she can say to that. She eventually manages to spit out a no when it becomes obvious Komaru is waiting for her to say something )

“Well, okay then. You can always let me know if you change your mind.” She says, then, “Oooh, Touko-chan! It looks like there are tide pools over here!”

Komaru leaves her to pick out shells for them to use while she does the dirty work of constructing a sand castle. “So you won’t end up too sandy,” she explains. “And I trust your eyes to pick out nice shells.” She can’t really complain— although she almost makes a scathing comment about the fact that her eyes can't really be trusted when she wears glasses— and just keeps away from the waves for the most part. The water laps at her feet while she lingers around the tide pool, and then returns with the fruits of her search.

It’s...not an awfully constructed sand castle. Well, that’s probably more than a little generous to say. You know, if she was going to compare it to something kids made. As it stands ( or doesn’t, if Touko is being honest ), it’s probably not the most...concretely built and looks like part of the base might fall apart at any moment, but doesn’t say anything as she dumps an assortment of shells at her feet. And then pulls out a towel, so she can sit and watch her work. It feels like there’s another problem with this, but she can’t quite place what it is; it’s probably not important enough to point out.

Going back to the novel idea: maybe it’s not about a siren after all. Maybe it’s about a sea princess instead. A lonely girl drowning in the waters called home, in a lonely castle, and—

“Here you go!” Komaru plops a shell into her hand with no warning and beams at her. “It’s nice and pretty just like you, Touko-chan. So you should keep it!”

She definitely doesn’t almost tear up upon hearing that, swallowing thickly as she bites back a self-deprecating, Are you sure it’s not just ugly like me? Instead, she picks out a small shell from the pile and holds it out to her.

“...H-H-Here. Completely plain and, and average like you.” And cute, but that’s not important. Still, Komaru looks like she’s actually said something of worth as she throws her arms around her neck.

“Thank you! I’ll take good care of it.” She acts like she’s given her a houseplant or something of actual value, and not a shell.

Stiffly— because she still really doesn’t know how to respond in these kinds of moments, despite being friends for a few odd months now— Touko pats her back and mutters, “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“It is!” Komaru pouts at her. “It is to me. Isn’t that enough?”

She opens her mouth to point out that she’d really just been reciprocating a gesture, but the wave crashing over them interrupts the conversation— oh yeah, she thinks absently. That’d been the other problem that she’d noticed when Komaru had started building, but hadn’t thought it was a big enough issue to point out.

Once she processes that yes, that happens, her first thought is how cold she is now, soaked to the bone. Touko represses a shudder and tries to ignore the fact that she will need to shower later because salt water gets itchy. The second thing that occurs to her, in the midst of this, is that now Komaru is wailing into her shoulder.

“I should’ve been more careful, I’m sorry Touko-chan! You’re okay? You aren’t upset, are you? I thought th—” Touko leans forward to cut her off. Her lips taste like salt, and vaguely reminiscent of the sweet snack Komaru had coaxed her into splitting. She wants to bite down on her lip, a nervous habit, and pulls back before she can accidentally manage to bite the other’s lips instead. The implications of that are a lot more than she’s willing to handle right now, and averts her gaze as soon as she leans back, so she does not have to acknowledge her actions.

That doesn’t stop Komaru from throwing her arms around her a little too eagerly, a grunt at the impact of their bodies colliding. “Too m-much.” Touko manages to wheeze out, and before she can start apologizing again, follows with, “I’m not upset. I should probably just...just buy something overpriced from one of th-the nearby shops since our clothes are soaked now...”

She takes this in fairly good stride, jumping to her feet and pulling her up by her hands. “Can I pick out an outfit for you? It’ll be fun!”

Their ideas of fun are very different quite frankly, but considering Komaru won’t overthink her appearance like she does, thus meaning it’ll be more time efficient. And quite frankly, she’s tired, so she just agrees. On the condition they can just go take a nap in the car afterwards.

Touko doesn’t quite agree with Komaru’s fashion choices, but she picks out clothes that cover up everything that needs to be hidden, so she can’t exactly complain. Nor does she complain when they do less napping and more snuggling in the backseat. Which means on the ride back, Komaru ends up falling asleep on her shoulder. She thinks about how pretty she looks in the light of the sunset.

Maybe she can rethink her next novel being a romantic tragedy.

#tokomaru week 2021 #toukomaru #tokomaru #komaru naegi #toko fukawa #touko fukawa #danganronpa #* zhi writes

23 notes · View notes

avatraang · 4 years ago

Link

Summary: Toph stills. “You did this for my baby?” Her voice is a whisper.

Swallowing, Sokka nods. “So that they’ll have something to remember us by. So they’ll know how we felt.”

[A gift of Sokka’s, to Lin. Traced from the moment of creation, to the moment of relinquishment. Oneshot. Written for Tokka Week 2020, Day 4: Vision, Art.]

Notes: Tokka Week 2020, Day 4: Vision, Art. I originally wasn’t gonna write a fic for today, BUT @lovelyrugbee published some BEAUTIFUL tokka art, and I was inspired. Check it out here! My fic has nothing directly to do with her art, but it was just so beautiful that it moved my shipper heart to submit my own piece for today, lmao.

Due to this being written so last minute, this fic is not beta’d. So if you see any mistakes, it’s all on me. Please forgive me in advance.

I used the prompt “Art” heavily for this fic, but the last few scenes could definitely include the prompt “Vision” as well. I’ll leave it up to interpretation! The Toph/Sokka interactions are not very heavy in this fic… but it’s definitely still got that Tokka goodness we love, lol. You’ll see what I mean. Without further ado, enjoy.

Preview: “What is that?” Zuko asks Sokka one day, leaning over his desk to peek at the swell of color Sokka is adding detail to.

“Nothing.” Sokka’s response is quick; he tucks the sheet of paper away, where prying eyes can’t find it. But it’s too late; Zuko’s good eye had settled on the paper as a whole, and he registers the subject of Sokka’s musings in one quick second. “It looks just like her.” He smiles, just a bit.

Sokka looks up at Zuko. Sunlight pools into the room; Zuko’s palace is very open. “You think so? I think she looks too nice.” He hesitantly brings out the paper, allowing Zuko to look at it again. Toph stares back at him, eyes closed, laying down on what he thinks must be a rock. Her hair is loose, fanned around her. He sees her small nose, sharp jawline, plump cheeks, and the bangs that fall in wisps on top of her forehead. The drawing is definitely Toph, right down to the meteorite bracelet that Sokka’s drawn on her arm. She’s smiling up at them. She looks happy.

“What do you mean?” Zuko frowns. “Why is that bad?”

Sokka shakes his head, “It’s just… I don’t know. It looks like Toph, but it doesn’t feel like Toph.”

Zuko pauses for a moment, digesting his friend’s words. He adjusts the top knot on his head. Glancing back down at the drawing, he understands what Sokka is trying to say. “Hm. I see your point. Maybe it’s the smile? Toph doesn’t really smile, she more… smirks? Or smiles at your pain? I don’t know. It’s not ever really a princess-y smile like the one in the drawing, though.” Zuko pauses, “I don’t know if that helped. Sorry.”

Sokka shakes his head, “No, yeah, I… I think you’re right. That might be it. Thanks, man.” He takes out a blank sheet of paper, preparing to start all over again.

“Why…” Zuko hesitates. “Why are you drawing her, anyway?”

All at once, Sokka stills. Then he bursts into action, rising from his chair. “I think Aang was looking for you,” Sokka responds, rapid fire, while motioning towards the door. “It seemed pretty urgent. Probably some Fire Nation-Avatar stuff, right? You better go look for him before the world falls apart!” He practically pushes Zuko out of the room.

Zuko sighs, looking back at Sokka, who’s made his way back to his desk. Whatever, Zuko thinks. Some things are better left a mystery.

Ty Lee’s head pops out from the tree under which Sokka is sitting. She’s always loved the palace gardens. She’s dangling from a branch, a happy smile on her face as she takes a glance at what he’s drawing. “What is that?” Ty Lee asks. Sokka looks up at her. He’s got a frustrated look on his face, a paintbrush clamped between his mouth. With a tired sigh, he takes said paintbrush from between his teeth and pouts.

“You can’t tell?” Sokka groans. “This is awful.”

Ty Lee’s eyes narrow. “Hold on.” She says, and swings herself back up into the tree. She disappears from Sokka’s sight, but a second later she reemerges, landing on the balls of her feet, the grass cushioning her touchdown. “Okay, now I can see better.” Sitting down next to Sokka, Ty Lee inspects the drawing. “Oh! That’s Toph!” She proclaims, looking at Sokka’s masterpiece. Ty Lee takes in Sokka’s handiwork. Toph is lying on a rock, her hands behind her head, hair loose around her. Toph’s eyes are closed. Ty Lee thinks she looks very relaxed. There’s a playful smirk on her lips, as if she’s imagining a fight that she’s (obviously) winning. Tilting her head, Ty Lee takes note of the detail Sokka’s put into the drawing. The light scar Toph has on her neck is visible in the drawing, and Toph’s feet look just the right amount of dirty. “It’s so good!” Ty Lee gushes. “You’re so talented!”

Sokka sighs. “Thanks.”

She pinches her lips, confused. Sokka’s never sounded so down about being complimented. “What’s wrong?” Ty Lee asks, glancing back at the painting. She tries to find an imperfection in it. Except for Toph’s nose being slightly crooked, and her left ear being a little wonky, Ty Lee can’t find any.

“It looks like Toph, but it doesn’t feel like Toph.” Sokka shakes his head, “Yesterday, Zuko said that maybe it was because I had her smiling and not smirking, but I fixed that, and it still doesn’t feel right.”

“Hm.” Ty Lee taps the side of her left cheek. Inspecting the drawing, a long silence settles, before she brightens. “Oh!” Triumphant, she taps the earth that the drawn version of Toph is lying on. “She’s not earthbending. Earthbending is integral to Toph’s aura.” Ty Lee’s tone is matter-of-fact.

Sokka looks as Ty Lee, impressed. “Huh. I would’ve never thought of that. Thanks, Ty Lee.” Standing, Sokka curls up the sheet of paper, ready to head back to the palace, where everyone else is. Everyone else. The thought of everyone in one place makes Ty Lee happy; they should have reunions more often.

“Of course!” She smiles up at him. “Why are you drawing Toph, anyway?”

His eyes narrow. “That’s classified.” The sun is blinding behind him.

If Ty Lee were still fourteen, she’d launch into incessant teasing about how he must have a huge crush on Toph to be drawing her so intently. After all, paintings last longer. But Ty Lee has aged gracefully, so instead, she simply smiles. “Okay. Well, if you need any more help, just come find me!” Waving, Ty Lee watches Sokka go.

His aura has always been similar to Toph’s. Maybe that’s why him drawing her doesn’t surprise Ty Lee too much.

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pocket-void · 4 years ago

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Hi Mock!

I wish you a good morning! (It's currently 8:30 am here and I hope you are asleep wherever you are because healthy sleep schedules and all that!) 🌻

I just found out that you write, too, and I've read "A cup of coffee" and honestly, is there something you can't do? Because that was really great! I enjoyed reading it so much!! And I love your Logan in it!

And can I ask: where so you get the motivation to do all this great stuff? Drawing, writing, school? Like, I have like 5 different writing projects screaming at me because I don't work on them and yesterday I outlined yet another fic that I'll probably never write because I just don't have the motivation and - how do you do it? Because I want to write. It's the best thing in the world to me. But I just can't get myself to do it, and when I do, everything I make feels kinda... not good. Ugly, if you will.

So I guess I just want to know what I can do to get myself away from that? Because I really need to write, I'll go insane otherwise O_o

Anyway, have a wonderful day and eat a cookie!! 🌼

Y’all who can format stuff in asks will never cease to bamboozle me. O///o

But hello!! I believe it’s the afternoon where you are now! ^\\\^ (Not to worry, if there’s one thing I try to get enough of it’s sleep!)

Heidhwkfns Yes I write too but it’s incredibly on and off since I’m not as confident with it and it takes much longer than art! >\\\< I 100% want to write more often tho, but my need to accomplish stuff just finds art less time consuming. I’m really glad you like “A Cup of Coffee” because I’m quite happy with how that one turned out! ^\\\^ (And also just genuinely surprised at how many people enjoyed it) So thank you!! ;///;✨💖

So, here’s the thing. I’m just a normal person, just like anybody else! There are days where I have 0 motivation to do anything, and days where I’m way too motivated but still do absolutely nothing anyways lmao- I can’t say that my experience will work for everybody of course, but I can try to explain how I feel or how I work things out when I don’t feel like doing things. u///u

The first step is to forgive myself, because it’s going to be ok. There’s nothing wrong with having an off day, and nothing wrong with not accomplishing anything for now. There should be no guilt involved in not touching something for ages, god knows I’ve got so much in the “maybe later” idea box that I will never get to. But that’s ok! My creations will never blame me for not working on them, so in turn I promised to never blame myself for it either. And if I ever go back to complete one of them, great! But if not, that still doesn’t mean that it was a waste. Everything you make has value, finished or not.

The second is to remember that I love them. I love them a lot. I love creating, I love art, I love writing, and I love the process behind them! What you write and create will never complain if they are “not the best” or “ugly”. Their value comes from how you feel about them. Nobody else’s imput matters. So what if it’s not great? So what if it’s a mess? My terrible crayon drawing from when I was 4? Love it. Still has my whole heart. They’re on my bedroom wall to this day! (Neatly framed and hung, courtesy of my dad) I ask myself why I sat down to do something in the first place, and the answer is always going to be because I love doing it! Everything I make means something to me, no matter how bad or how small. Because at the end of the day, I made something. And it’s all the reason I need to love it.

It doesn’t matter if this doodle looks bad or this draft makes literally no sense because even if it’s not good, I did it. Even if I feel like I’m going nowhere, I know that each creation is a small step in my long long journey of improvement. It might not seem like that sometimes, like everything we do doesn’t really seem like it’s getting better any time soon, but we can never tell unless we keep doing it right? Instead of being upset that I’m not very good now, I decided to try and look forward to how good I eventually will be. I find that prospect exciting! We never know how much we grow until we get there, it’s like a happy surprise! ^\\\^✨And in the meantime, I am allowed to be perfectly happy with what I already can do. How far I’ve already come. Even if other people tell me otherwise, even if it’s true that it’s not very great, who’s to say that I will always be? Not me, that’s for sure.

I am willing to be patient for the sake of what I do, because I am willing to do it for an eternity.

There is no race in doing what I love, because I am the only one on this path. I can see other people on their own paths too! And sometimes they’re faster and have way better stamina than me, but their final destination is ultimately going to be much much different than mine, even if we’re going in a similar direction. So there is no point in trying to match them; I decide to walk at my own pace. It’s much easier for me this way. Take breaks! Drink some water. We’ve all got our places to go. ^\\\^

Third thing about getting things done is, well, getting it done! Do you know how I wrote “A Cup of Coffee”? I pain stakingly stared at it all day with frequent breaks in between, read it a ridiculous amount of times until it didn’t sound like english, and had text to speech read it back to me a couple more times just so I could make sure, because I really really really wanted to finish it. And it probably was kind of messy, hahaha. >\\\<

I’m not suggesting you do what I did btw, because it’s not even how I always write things! My other story “Table for Two” was written under a much different context. For that one, I wrote parts of it on different days. I took walks thinking about how I’d word things, how I’d imagine the scene going, and how I should pace sentences. I actually deleted the entire first paragraph and started over a few times because it didn’t sound right. Then one afternoon I decided that I wanted this story done. So I sat down and did what I could, edited a few things afterwards, and tentatively showed it to a friend. I didn’t edit it much after that, but it was done!

If I learned anything from highschool, it’s that doing something imperfectly is better than not doing it at all. I’m still a pretty picky perfectionist and a terrible procrastinator, and it’s not easy! But I would much prefer something I make to be “messy but complete”, rather than “pretty good so far but not finished”. Personally for me, getting started is the hardest part of doing anything. I have yet to find an easier way to do it, but I know that sometimes I just need to sit down and do what I can to start writing. If a sentence sounds weird, I keep going, because I can come back to it later! But if a sentence doesn’t exist, I can’t fix that without, well, writing it. o///o So I consider that a start!

I definitely understand you when you say that you can’t get yourself to write because I currently kind of can’t either. >\\\< I have outlines that I won’t ever write, I have ideas that I’m not gonna get to, and I’ve got fics that I worry won’t be as good when I write them. But maybe today I’ll sit myself down and just write one sentence. Give it a title, make a document, and stare for a lil bit. Give it a beginning. Because for me, sometimes drawing the starting line somewhere helps. Maybe it can show me what direction I need to go in just a little bit clearer. u///u

At the end of the day, the thing I say all the time is enjoy what you do. It’s just genuinely the most important part of doing anything to me. Yes it can be hard and sometimes we worry about how it’s gonna be, but we still do it don’t we? We come back and try again because we love it. Because we really can’t live without it. So what’s wrong with just...doing it?

That’s how it is to be a creator for me, I suppose. And from one to another, I genuinely wish you the best of luck on your journey!!

After all, there will be no other quite like it. u///u💖✨

#have a wonderful rest of the day as well!#i can only give advice from my own experience #I hope this helps in some way #oh and school is a different can of worms unfortunately >\\\<#but since thats already a hassle I try my best to enjoy the stuff I love doing y’know? o///o #fairy!#mock talks #ask #mock #long post #art tip

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yyxgin · 3 years ago

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im so glad you had your first day!! how was it? did you get into a groove? make some work friends? i believe in you bestie 🥺💗

over the moon today. i took the jelly desert thingies (remember me telling you about the food runner who shared one w me?) n i told everyone if they want one to take some n i told the barman n he was like hmmm okay n then i said if he didn’t like lychee i had mango n he was like 😋😋 mango yum so i’m taking those tomorrow. me n two of the girls were giggling at his expense (he doesn’t know) bc he said to the girl ‘not to point out that i’m staring at your ass but you’ve got chocolate on your bum’ n i kept making sly comments for the rest of the evening. i carried some plates back to dishwash n i got some food up me on my boobies (🤢) n i went back to the girl n was like ‘okay girl tell me if there’s anything i haven’t got bc ben’ll point it out otherwise’ n we just laughed. i kept saying stuff like maybe you should just bend over n ask if there’s anything on your bum n she screeched 😂😭

my manager gave my friend a job. i was mildly annoyed bc out of all the new starters i genuinely think i was the only one who had a real interview. my friends mum dropped us off n i literally went to get changed n when i came back she was gone. she messaged me n said my manager just gave her the job. like thank goodness! but also sis what how comes?? she said she trusts me n my word so… also the area manager was there today n my manager isn’t supposed to be hiring anyone but the area manager asked her why she was hiring n asked if it was my friend n asked if she could work as good as me bc otherwise why was she hiring 😳 my supervisor told me this and said ‘don’t let her drag you down’ i was like 👍 yes bestie never!! like i love my friend but at the same time i do not want to be responsible for her every step of the way. in the nicest way possible, i did the first part, asking if my manager was hiring to help my friend out bc she hates her current job etc etc but the rest is down to her. like if she messes up, that’s on her. if it had been the other way around i wouldn’t expect anything different, you know? but i’ve always known when and where to draw the line. im good at standing my ground. speak to me like shit and it’ll come right back around, right?

one of the girls today said her table was quite rude/stand-offish to her n she was like ‘i really needed you there bc you would’ve put them in their place’ and i said afterwards ‘do you want me to have a word with them?’ deadly seriously n she panicked n was like no it’s okay!! unless they properly upset her it wasn’t to worry about. i can’t stand people who are rude unnecessarily to 1) cleaners 2) food servers (waiter/ess, dinner ladies, the likes) and 3) people who’s first language isn’t the one spoken widespread in the country they’re in (so if someone was rude to the lovely thai food runner bc there’s a language barrier i would actually fight them bc she’s literally the sweetest). i get so mad at people n now i feel weird. like i have all this energy inside me now waiting to be used bc i was not best pleased with the women who was rude to one of my girls >:( n now i just want to explode but i don’t have a reason? i need to release this energy soon. nobody has massively annoyed me recently though but i was ready to say something if they said anything to my girl.

goodness me!! also not the biggest fan of people who stay when we’re literally getting a delivery 😐 like, go home, fr. respectfully, leave the goddamn premises.

im so sorry i feel like ive mostly ranted today!! but yeah. my motherly instinct is kicking in… except ion have kids. noice. n e way!! ly bar 🥺🦋💗 ~ 🌻

aaah my first day was super weird. there was a lady ive never seen before bossing everyone around,,she had like the classic short haired tattooed smoking 40year old look and i was lowkey scared of her but apparently shes there only until tuesday ?? i think she is like,,the boss of the whole chain or something ?? idk. anyways my manager was nice, i was chipping clothes and then they like uhh forgot i was even there and they all went to leave so that was funny. the other coworkers there offered me a ride home but i declined bc my dad went to get me but that was cute <3 they seem nice but too old to be my work friends djsjks i am going again on monday so we'll see how that goes !!

DJSKSK THE BOY I WAS INTO DID THE SAME TO ME 😭😭 he was like "bar you have something on your butt" and i went "are you staring at my ass?" and he went all 👁👄👁 no.

I totally get why you were "mad" abt your friend getting that job so easily. I would feel like that too, like,,you worked hard to get that job and she just chimes in and gets it just like that ?? i felt like that when we were on our internship that I got for me and my friend (that wasnt even talking to me at that time bc she was annoyed by me lmao) and i was the one getting the hard work while she did nothing all day. like i had to write all the emails and do the paperwork so we could intern there in the first place and then she just chimes in and doesnt even do anything and just walks around the whole day and gets a good grade for nothing. djsjsk or maybe im just too dramatic. that might be the case too.

you are so protective i love that🥺you look like that kind of friend i'd trust with my whole life cjsjsk also i get why you feel like that bc i get that too😔 i even stood up for my classmate multiple times but now my whole class just hates me and i am the bad one so💔💔💔but im done talking abt it i had my fair share of mental breakdowns yesterday when the drama was happening (also the reason why im replying so late,,,sorry about that😔)

IM ALWAYS HERE WHEN U NEED TO RANT !!! I ranted in my reply too so sorry if im being annoying but you just gotta get it out some days. 😩 ily more hope u have a great day !! <3

#💌ask #🌻 anon

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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1011

1. Five facts about your current relationship OR five facts about your single life.

a) I haven’t been truly single in...around 6 years, so it’s been a bit of an adjustment.

b) It was my last day as an intern yesterday (but they hired me, so I’m staying after all, haha) and since I’ve felt like I gained a family in the last two months, I thought it would be okay to give professionalism a break and share what had actually been going on with me on my first day on the job, aka when the breakup was still fresh and I was still figuring out how to function all over again. It unsurprisingly surprised everyone and my superior said something like, “Omg it’s the [company name] curse; it’s so strong it broke you guys up before you even got hired” which got a laugh out of me.

c) I’m not interested in seeing other people.

d) Probably wouldn’t be, for a long time. My trust has been irreparably broken.

e) Seeing couples in public has now become annoying. I’m happy for them, but it’s still annoying.

2. Five facts about a past relationship.

a) I’ve known her since kindergarten, but we didn’t become friends till 7th grade and didn’t start dating until junior year of high school.

b) We were legal with her family and her parents loved me and I them. On the other hand, I was never able to come out to my family because she broke up with me before I could be able to do so.

c) She introduced me to vaping.

d) We were never able to truly travel together, which we always planned to do after graduating. The farthest we reached was Batangas.

e) She never knew where she wanted to eat whenever we were out, so I was mostly the one who decided which restaurant we were going to have lunch or dinner in.

3. Five facts about your mother.

a) She has always worked in hotels, which is great because it has always allowed us to get room and buffet discounts, heh.

b) Her family (aka my grandparents, her, and my uncles) struggled financially for a little bit when my grandpa lost his job when she was in college. When her friends would go to fast-food restaurants, my mom would always decline, saying she had schoolwork to finish. In reality she just couldn’t afford anything, and the only money she held was for public transport.

c) She is a little childish considering her age, and I cannot stand her petty tantrums. She was childish even when I was a kid, and I believe my emotional well-being suffered because of that.

d) She has a high pain tolerance and the only time I’ve seen her struggle was when she was getting a tattoo on the back of her shoulder.

e) She is also extremely religious and it especially grinds my gears when she gets hypocritical about it, which is just about all the time.

4. Five facts about your father.

a) He has only ever dated my mom.

b) He grew up extremely poor and at some point his parents actually stopped being able to afford his tuition. Instead of being kicked out, a few nuns who served in the school paid my grandparents a visit and told them my dad would be given a scholarship since he had good grades and it would have been a waste if he got expelled.

c) He was a dancer in high school, knows how to play the guitar, and he also apparently knows how to draw very well. There’s a lot I don’t know about him, considering he has worked abroad my whole life.

d) He breaks or loses his reading glasses once every few months. I know which parent I definitely take after.

e) I have never seen him cry.

5. Five facts about your sibling. If you have more than one, pick one. Or do them all!

a) She had problems crying in school until she was in around 2nd or 3rd grade.

b) She’s in college and is currently taking up digital filmmaking.

c) She’s the biggest introvert I know. I’ve never seen her be willing to do anything silly; not even with her friends.

d) She can’t handle spicy food.

e) Her main interests have shifted from Harry Potter, to One Direction, to 5SOS, and now K-pop. I believe she’s into Seventeen the most.

6. Five facts about your town.

a) The upper part of the city offers amazing views of the Metro Manila skyline, which has recently made the place a kinda popular nightlife destination.

b) There’s a lot of hidden gem restaurants here but because most people spend more time complaining about how far my city is and how difficult it is to get to than actually just making the damn ride over here, the restaurants stay hidden and uncrowded. Their loss.

c) Used to be massively underdeveloped for most of my childhood and teenage years. Now there are several malls and I can easily go to a McDonald’s, Burger King, and Starbucks right outside our village.

d) Because you basically have to drive through a mountain to get to the upper part of the city, it’s not the safest highway and fatal crashes are unfortunately common.

e) The city is known for its suman, except I hate Filipino rice cakes and this actually doesn’t do anything for me.

7. Five facts about your house.

a) It used to have a balcony until we had that transformed into another bedroom. So technically it is still a balcony; it just hasn’t had that purpose for a while now.

b) My mom used a little cheat in our dining room and installed a huge wall mirror. Most people visiting for the first time always note how much larger it made the room (and thus the house) look.

c) I live in a neighborhood where the houses are of the same model and look (think the Squidville episode from Spongebob). That said, balconies are included in all properties. When my parents decided to renovate ours and turn it into a room, so many houses slowly followed suit as well. It was amusing to see it unfold, knowing the idea undoubtedly originated from us. It was like a revolution.

d) We don’t have a gate, which irritates me to no end because it allows noisy neighborhood kids to just march and run around our property. Sometimes they even make it to our carport and backyard, ugh. :(

e) Speaking of backyard, the landscaping for it used to be a pebble mosaic designed to look like a swan. But over the years the quality deteriorated, so my parents to opted to have the pebbles crushed into tiny rocks and embedded onto the ground. I don’t exactly know what this technique is called, but yeah.

8. Five facts about your niece or nephew. If you have more than one, pick one. Or do them all! Skip if you don’t have one. I don’t have any, but I do have a godson so I’m going with him as I don’t want to leave any section blank.

a) He was born sometime in December. I honestly don’t remember when, loooooool. Worst godmother ever.

b) He’s actually one of my first cousins, but I guess my aunt saw something in me and wanted me to be his godson. I’ve been a terrible one, though; I’ve never bought him gifts or money or anything – to be fair, I was made a ninang when I was like, 14 or 15 lmao. But I can definitely make up for it now that I’m starting to earn my own money.

c) He’s the calmer, sweeter version of his older brother. His kuya was a pretty naughty kid when he was his age.

d) He mainly speaks English, as how most younger parents raise their kids these days. He understands Filipino of course, but he mostly communicates in English.

e) The last time I saw him, he was in the middle of a ridiculously adorable interviewing phase where he’d approach anyone in the family and start asking them a series of questions: what’s your favorite color? What food can’t you live without? What’s your favorite subject in school? Would you rather win $1 million dollars or know how to fly? It typically got exhausting after the 25th question, but it was so cute nonetheless. None of us have any idea where it came from.

9. Five facts about your education.

a) I went to a private, all-girls, Catholic school from kinder up to high school, and then moved to a public, co-educational, non-sectarian university for college. It was the very epitome of culture shock, lemme tell ya.

b) Some classes I had in my first school that might be uncommon in others have included penmanship (because my school has its own brand of cursive), environmental education, and I don’t remember what this next class was called anymore but we were basically taught how to write professionally? Like how to write cover letters and resumés and all.

c) My first school is extremely homophobic and went so far as to ‘hire’ spies tasked to check up on who’s been in same-sex relationships, list them all down, and report them to the guidance office so that they can be called one by one and be interrogated, and for the most part, pressured to come out. I don’t know if they still do this, but the younger batches are definitely more vocal and woke now thanks to social media and I doubt those practices would still fly today.

d) My university education was a breath of fresh air. Suddenly people were wearing sleeveless tops, mobs and rallies were a common sight to me, and my instructors were now atheist and not shoving Catholicism and Jesus and salvation down my throat. I loved every single day of it.

e) The most interesting class I took in college was a course called Pornography in Electronic Media, under the broadcast communication department. Getting to tell people I take a class where we sit down to watch porn was such a fucking ride.

10. Five facts about your job.

a) I got hired last Wednesday, but I had been interning for the company for around two months before they extended the offer.

b) I’m pretty much gonna be doing the same things I did as an intern, except I’m now accountable for any boo-boos I make HAHAHAHA. Also, I’m gonna be paid a lot more, obviously, which is sweet. I really thought we interns were severely underpaid considering the work that we help with on a daily basis.

c) My role is going to be with another department which is a little scary because it means the things I learned with the department I actually interned at will be pretty much useless. I’ll be starting from scratch again, but I’m still excited.

d) It’s a work-from-home situation, which is a relief for me because I don’t have to wake up early and I don’t have to face traffic.

e) My job interview for the position was actually a bit of a bomb because I absolutely fumbled with and messed up the first question I was asked; and since first impressions matter, I really thought I lost the gig from the very start of the interview. I made up for it as the interview continued and fortunately was able to break the ice and build a rapport with the team members who spoke with me, and I guess I did enough for them to want to take me in anyway.

For those who are curious, I blanked the fuck out when they asked “Tell me something about yourself that isn’t in your resumé.” Slowest 15 seconds of my life.

#survey #surveys

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thelowlysatsuma · 5 years ago

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listen

i haven’t watched a dan howell video in literal years. my lovely friend b (coincidentally, the same person who got me into thomas sanders) introduced me to his channel back in – god, must have been the mid 2010s – when it was definitely still called danisnotonfire, and i watched the dan and phil vids like every other internet-addicted dumbass of my time. i was never a superfan like some of my buds, but i remember drawing the occasional set of cat whiskers on my face like everyone else.

up until about two days ago, my most recent thought on dan’s channel was “oh hey, he changed the name from danisnotonfire! wild.”, which, being honest, tells you exactly how little i’ve thought about the dude for a while.

yesterday, a mutual of mine told our group chat he had a new video out.

today, i watched his coming out video.

listen. listen. i’m, to put it simply: one lucky-ass son of a bitch. i am white. i am cis. i’m able-bodied, and i live in a rich country. most of all, i come from a hella accepting family and friend group, so when i told my parents i was bi, they were super chill with it, and i’ve definitely outed myself to friends through queer jokes before. if we disregard the brief, nebulous time from around grade 7 to grade 9 when i was frantically trying to figure out if i even liked girls or if i was just deluding myself, i don’t believe i’ve ever had a “gay panic” period, nor experienced any form of direct oppression or discrimination for being bi.

and yet.

i needed that video. i needed that video. i have queer celebs i look up to, yeah, but there’s something about not only the fact that dan was so open and honest about his experiences, both growing up and right now, that hit me hard, but something about the fact that daniel howell posted a coming out video was just. really important to me.

because this is dan howell. he’s quite possibly the gold star for “famous youtubers”, at least in my limited knowledge of the genre. he’s the guy who started with that embarrassing goddamn first video that he was so ashamed of he walked off stage when it was played at a con that one time, and he’s queer. for- for some reason, this is just different than following or- or knowing about a celebrity who’s already out. because he took all the things i’m scared of, or know i could or should or might be scared of about coming out, and he put them into words, and he empathized, and he said he was valid, and we were too.

i’m not out to. like. the general public irl. friends and family? yeah. acquaintances? unless they saw me that one time at the school carnival with the pride flag, not so much. i want to be, believe me. i want to be able to post the dumb “be gay do crimes” edit i made of myself on my personal insta, because it’s stupid and funny and i like it. i wanna be able to make gay jokes about myself without wondering if anyone is listening in. i wanna be able to talk about those times i did something dumb in front of a pretty girl with my friends at dance without lowering my voice but i can’t, because i’m just not ready for that yet.

coming out is scary. coming out is awkward, and terrifying, and literally sometimes a threat to personal safety. but i just saw someone who i genuinely did look up to when i was younger come out in public and tell the rest of us that it’s okay if we’re out, and it’s okay if we’re not, and that we’re valid either way, and that really struck a chord with me.

so thanks, dan. not sure if i’m gonna keep up this trend of watching your videos the day after i hear they’re out, but hell, with the update schedule you’re notorious for having, i might just be able to swing it. (jk jk content creation and upload schedules and fans feeling entitled to content by a certain deadline is a whole other can of worms that i’m not getting into right now lmao)

anyways, i’m proud of you for coming out. this video has inspired literally so many people, including quite a few of my friends. you’re a super brave formless entity, my dude.

and it also helped me feel, if not less scared, than a little less alone in my fear.

so thank you. thanks.

#dan howell #daniel howell #danisnotonfire #suma talks #suma rants lmao #queer #bi #bisexual #pride #pride month #coming out

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weuschoiceheart · 4 years ago

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Stan OnlyOneOf ya cowards (Long Post - Dance & Song Analysis)

Woah....wow....just WOW

I just watched the 1theK dance mirrored video for OnlyOneOf’s “Savanna” (the one for the dance cover contest, and can I just say, W O W.

I remembered watching this last year (It was the very first video of OnlyOneOf I watched) and I was like, yeah, this song sounds pretty good. But now, after rewatching it, I’m amazed at the amount of imagery they put into the dance. By no means am I a pro dancer or something, but I’ve been dancing to Kpop for a few years now, so I got used to pretty much how the dances are like. Nowadays, most boy group dances are pretty hip-hop / popping / maybe some contemporary dance mixed in for some of the slower parts in songs, so I pretty much know what to expect. There would be some crazy choreo, fast paced tempo you need to follow, etc., etc. Yeah, 4th gen is starting to become some sort of dance competition.

But...THIS. THIS GODDAMN CHOREO SHOOKED ME. I already love how different OnlyOneOf’s songs are from the generic mainstream songs, instead of going for some hardcore rap or edm songs, they always go for mellow tunes and beautiful melodies mixed with entrancing vocals (YES YES YES VOCALS, THERE ARE ACTUALLY V O C A L S IN THEIR SONGS, NOT SOME SORT OF WEIRD NOISE INSTRUMENTAL. I CAN GO ON A WHOLE RANT ABOUT THEIR VOCALS). Anyways, I might make a whole other post for their songs, but right now, let’s focus on their choreography, specifically this one.

It’s strange, in a way. I got into OnlyOneOf because of the dance for “_Sage.” I saw it in a random play dance video, and it was my first time seeing OnlyOneOf in one of these videos, actually. I remembered seeing the dance and got shocked when they yeeted to the ground during Mill’s part in the chorus. Idk the name for the move, but it caught me offguard on how smoothly they did it. After the random play dance ended, I immediately went to watch their dance practice for “_Sage” and decided to learn the move, bc, you know, it looks cool (and I want my awkward self to show a different, cooler side of me on stage). I only wanted to just learn the chorus, but I ended up learning the whole choreo. And it literally started with “i just wanna learn their names so I can tell them apart during the dance” to finally “Ok, I’m gonna stan.”

“_Sage” has a pretty intense choreo, compared to their other songs, but I feel like, with OnlyOneOf’s choreos, you need to properly EXPRESS the song’s meaning. Ofc, it’s always important to convey the meaning of a song, since dance IS a form of art and expression (as a very smart Hwanwoong said, it’s not just about the performance, it’s whether you can convey the emotions well or not).

With OnlyOneOf though, each of their song has a special meaning, all linked to a storyline (I’m probably gonna go on a whole other rant when I piece together the theories), and their songs are so different as well, they don’t talk about the topics that most groups today usually explore with their discography, instead going to a different route and just listening to their songs and watching them dance makes me feel like I’m in a different dimension.They’re just...UNIQUE. I don’t know any other way to say it. Y’all are probably like “how about Group X, they always talk about blah, blah, blah” and I am NOT dragging down other groups, but smth abt OnlyOneOf really stands out to me. I listened to their song “dOra Maar” this morning and got emotional after finding out the meaning behind the song. Even though I finished learning “_Sage” yesterday, I still feel like I need to practice more to make sure the emotions and meaning of the song is properly conveyed through the dance, bc the meaning behind “_Sage” is just so complex. And now, let’s actually go into the semi-analysis I did for “Savanna” so you guys will understand what I’m talking about.

THE ACTUAL ANALYSIS

youtube

Imagery is used by many groups today to give choreography a deeper meaning, or in some cases, like a signature move (SKZ “God’s Menu” uses many cooking references, for example). With “Savanna,” I was amazed by the amount of imagery they use. As I mentioned before, groups these days are more into difficult hiphop dances, so I feel like imagery is being used less and less and choreos are just a bunch of difficult moves strung together to look powerful and difficult and...yeah, 4th gen is really turning into a dance competition. Anyways, i DIGRESS ONCE AGAIN (I can complain for hours about 4th gen music and dancing but let’s save that for some other time).

I will say this again: I am NOT a professional dancer, I only had a few years of ballet + Kpop, and is self-learning popping and hiphop right now. This is only based on what I observe and how I interpret the dance.

Ok, let’s start at the beginning of the choreo. All the members form a ring around one member (KB) and waved their arms to enclose a circle, trapping him, before moving apart. Next, the members seemed to form a path for KB to walk on, with Yoojung and Junji at the end, arms forming a line that KB ducked under and passed through. Right off the bat, we have a beautiful imagery. I think it portrays time travel (since the song seems to hint towards that subject). The four members forming the path that KB walks on, are frozen like statues, like time just froze. KB is the person that wants to break out (he was trapped within a circle in the beginning) and seems to find a loophole through time that he manages to walk through.

Now, onto my favorite imagery for the choreo that really surprised me. At 0:33 in the video, When they formed lines by Nine’s side and opened their arms in sync, creating almost like an illusion. It might be to match the lyrics about “dry, chapped lips,” but that part mesmerized me, and drew me in to continue watching.

The next key point of imagery, is at 0:47, when they formed a line and stood in alternating positions, moving their arms in an alternating pattern as well. It really matches with the lyrics “among the intertwined people, I hide myself again” and creates another illusion that’s JUST. SO. CAPTIVATING. I might be a tad bit overdramatic abt this, but really, I LOVE LOVE LOVE how they put so much imagery and meaning into the choreo.

Another piece of imagery is Love’s and Nine’s solo portion after the chorus, when they mirrored each other with their bodies and made a drinking motion with their hands. Might seem small, but it emphasizes the lyrics “Watchin’ all your silhouette / Drink one more time, Sweepin’ huh.” The lyrics might not make sense, but this part is just so mysterious and mesmerizing.

They did another beautiful imagery for the start of the second prechorus for the same lyrics (”Among the intertwined people, I hide myself again”), but this time, forming a V formation around Nine. They also formed the same ring around Junji when he sang, “I feel like I’m locked in” but with some floorwork this time. I love how they tried variations of the moves, so the image is still there but switched up to keep it engaging.

These are the key details of the dance I’m going to write about here, there are many other parts and some imagery I probably missed, but if I’m going to actually analyze every single move along with the song lyrics, you guys are probably gonna get bored XD. So to wrap this up, I think the important factor about the dance that really draws me in is that, unlike choreos nowadays, the dance is composed of smooth movements and transitions, like contemporary but keeping that Kpop feel, ya know? The song itself is already mellow and vocal-centered, so ofc the dance has to match it, but I wasn’t ready for the imagery (i dare you to count the amount of times I used this word lol) they used. Watching this is like a breath of fresh air, listening to this song is so refreshing. I strongly recommend you guys check it out!

This is the longest post I ever wrote lmao, and if you read all the way to the end, congrats! Anyways, I might learn this after I polish up “_Sage.” Hmm....should I also do vocal covers for the songs too? I was actually thinking of remixing “Savanna” into a diss track because of the misheard lyrics (”i don’t give a shit what they think abt us / you’re like a bitch from Savanna”). Who knows?

Thank you for taking your time to read this!

#long post #onlyoneof #kpop #dance analysis #kpop choreo #kpop dance analysis #onlyoneof dance analysis #dance #choreography #onlyoneof kpop #junjun stuff #savanna #onlyoneof savanna #onlyoneof savanna choreo #onlyoneof savanna dance

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tarot28 · 4 years ago

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MANIFESTATION, GOALS, INTENTIONS AND GRATITUDE AND MOREEEEEE

This is my guide to how I do my daily self work to bring some joy and happiness and better things closer to me. Everything I do listed below is written down in the same place - a generic leftover half used spiral notebook next to my bed.

I have a little anxiety and uncertainty and a little moop (a word for when you’ve got sad mood that’s kinda blah but it doesn’t have as quite of a severe connotation as depression does imo) when it comes thinking about the future. To get super real for a second here, it can be so so bleak sometime to look ahead and look at where I am now and where I could be like if only if only. Coming out of an unhealthy and toxic relationship and being on the mend from that also has me looking for ways of actively reviving my worth and my joy and I’m glad to report that what I’ve outline below has helped me personally and by sharing, I hope I can help others :) :)

Also just as a note: I use the Universe instead of God, Goddess, Spirit, etc bc that’s my preference. Mentally sub that for whatever works for you <3

Contents: sorry this is a hella long post but here’s the break down - Manifestation (what I used to do) - Goals (what I do/how I altered manifestation to make it work for me) - Intentions (goals are long term, but here’s the daily) - Gratitude (how it puts things into perspective) - Meditation (an on and off again relationship/the one that always gets away) - How the fuck do I fit all this into my daily routine ?

Manifestation: So when I first started this routine I used kinda generic manifestation and threw literally everything I wanted at the Universe like here this is what I want and it’s your problem now. That’s the idea I got from the very minimal reading I did on manifestation and law of attraction type shtuff. I reallllllly hesitate to call what I currently do manifestation but it’s like a cousin and is closer to setting goals. I’m not going to go into manifestation further but the “manifestation work” I do is like everything written here collectively.

Goals: This is the branching out I did for manifestation. It’s more accessible language too. A goal is something I want and it’s something attainable. Transitioning from manifestation to goals was kinda necessary to me because when I was doing manifestation was me throwing every tiny little want and need at the Universe. Goals was that but with filters and then elaboration. I went from asking for like 8 or 10 things that would change often to asking for 3 consistently.

Here’s a working example. One of my old “manifestation” items was “a sense of confidence in my body.” Let’s pull this apart a bit. This isn’t a bad thing to ask for at all; it’s definitely something that can happen. But like does the Universe really need to bestow that onto me or is that something I could do on my own. It’s too specific and exclusive as well. The perception of my own physical health comes from my personal relationship with myself, mentally and emotionally. My body confidence won’t change unless I work at how I talk to myself or unless I start to praise my own appearance.

I use a different, but related version of this older item currently in my goal statements that aims to “improve the relationship I have with myself for myself through positive self talk, self care, and recognizing the joy that comes through exploring my relationship with myself.” This is longer, but it’s bigger picture. It encompasses mental, physical, and emotional health. It also emphasizes my part in it, which was the biggest issue I had with what I was calling “manifestation.” I think it’s ok to ask for things, but personally asking and waiting passively for something to drop into your lap just on the merits of asking for it felt unrealistic. I think my biggest personal distinction between goals and manifestation was introducing accountability, thus empowering myself to make the changes in my life that I wanted to see.

Intentions In addition to writing my goal statements, I write my intentions. The goals are more specific to the season or a couple month to a year long period, whereas the intentions are a couple of ways I want my day to go. Again, this is kinda me empowering myself to take action and decide how my day will unfold. It’s just a couple of brief statements about things I want to happen, but less of a tangible to do list and more like what’s the vibe today boysss

So for example on a to do list I had this week: chem for mon, wed, fri, bio lecture notes from thursday, final revisions on whatever weekly essay it was lmao rip, and then a couple emails. This was a to do list from Monday and I have work and class and meetings and bathroom break and have to take care of the dogs and make food and eat the food and drink water and maybe squeeze in a workout from 9am to 3:30pm on top of the to do list, which is usually just classwork. My intention for the day was to “be productive enough to prepare for tomorrow.” This is a way to say do the bare minimum and feel better about it. Another intention I had was to “recognize and when I need a break and give myself the rest time I need to be productive.” Another way of justifying slacking off occaisionally but giving it an elevated purpose through the wording. It also makes me feel like shameful about not getting everything I planned to do in one day because I carried out my intentions.

Gratitude! This is my absolute favorite part of my routine! It brings everything home for me and I can really draw attention to all the mundane disguised positivity in my life that might go unnoticed or underappreciated otherwise. This one is so simple. I start by writing “I’m grateful:” and then just list whatever comes to mind easily.

If it’s hard at first, make sure you’re not overthinking. When I introduced this into my routine I would almost talk myself out of the stupid things, but I think that’s where a lot of my small, daily joy comes from. Yesterday was cold and rainy and that’s my favorite weather so I wrote “rainy and cold” on my list and I think I put sweatpants on their too. Don’t overthink it and don’t force it and just start doing it.

Here’s some research for the benefits if you don’t want to listen to me, please listen to the science, more of the science and a little more. If these links don’t work- sorry but they’re random articles I found from google scholar after searching gratitude journaling. SO much evidence out there

Meditation This is my long lost love. I feel like I never have the time and I’m fighting to put her back into my routine. It makes me feel great and settles me into my body. More posts to come if when I get back at it. If anyone has techniques or guided mediation recommendations omg let me know. I use a couple podcasts, one is purely guided mediations because they’re like 5 or 10 mins each and I’m short on time a lot. The other is called nothing much happens and it’s just like bedtime stories about mundane routines and not strict mediation, but I love them.

My daily routine and how I make this work for me and don’t give up: My first rule is that if I’m not in the mood, I simply do NOT. Like days where shit sucks is different from days where you feel like you’re breaking down and it physically hurts to think about the future or your goals because everything is so hard. I get that and I treat myself like an adult and know that not doing it one day won’t be an issue as long as I make sure I do it the next day.

In the morning, I think about my schedule. What is today and what is the best way to approach what I have going on? What is the best way to direct my energy? This is intention time :) And then this is where I’m trying to add meditation back in but I really suck at morning time management and I’m trying to use the time to work out before my day gets started. We’ll see lol I’ll prob add it in at the end of my day to help me get to sleep feeling a little more settled and comfy in my own body and mind.

I try to keep my intentions in mind during the day. Sometimes it happens, sometimes not. It’s ok because I did them and I thought about it at least one time during the day for it’s own special, dedicated amount of time.

After I’m completely done for the day, I go what the fuck am I doing on this planet, how can I improve my existence, what do I see happening for myself? Under my intentions, I write my big three goalssss. Something for my own healthy, something for my career and academics, and something to kinda talk about my meant to be, forever home of person that I’m trying to attract. Self-career-social kinda triangle of goals.

Under my goals, I zoom in on everything that went great. The last thing I write down for the day is gratitude so that even if I get a little stressed about not following my intentions too well or not making a lot of progress towards my big picture goals, I can look at today and go I had a great cup of hot chocolate and binged AHS though and I don’t regret it because it made me so happy that I wrote it down.

The end thanks for reading this incredibly long post. I love these long posts where I can just go on about what I do :) I really hope this helps someone who doesn’t vibe with what they’re seeing in their skimming over of law of attraction and manifestation stuff. Fuck that and do you. Sending so much love to y’all <3 L :)

#tarot28 #manifestation #manifesting #manifestation work #Law of Attraction #LOA #intentions #goals #personal development #self love #self care #do it #witchblr #self work #gratitude #meditation

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