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osaemu · 11 months ago

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GOJO SATORU: GUILTY CONSCIENCE

✩ ‧ ˚. serial killer!au: ever since that first night, you can't get him off your mind—and even though you handed him over to law enforcement, it looks like he still wants you too. PART 1 | NSFW

contents: fem!reader. porn with plot, dubcon, semi-public sex (in a bathroom), oral (m. receiving), fingering (f. receiving), pet names (detective, princess, smart girl, pretty girl, etc.), gojo cums in your mouth. non-sexual threatening. non-sexual usage of knives/guns. more plot than porn. this is not good for you btw !!! 4K words.

author's note: pls appreciate your smut writers bc this shit is hard !!!! the sk!series might be over after this one bc i'm not feeling it anymore, but nothing's set in stone yet. posting this for the ppl who wanted a part two, but personally i would've just left it as a standalone.. oh well, i didn't want 4K words to go to waste, so enjoy 🤍

“satoru gojo, what are we going to do with you?” your subordinate asks, resting his hands on the table dividing the dim interrogation room in two. you and your coworker sit on one side, facing the serial killer on the other side—who also happens to be the man you fucked in an alley two weeks ago.

ever since that first encounter, you haven’t been able to get his face out of your mind. at work, his ice blue eyes haunted your every move. at home, he was all you could picture as your mind strayed back to your time beneath him. and now, as you and your boss interrogate him, all you can think about is how good satoru’s hands felt roaming over your skin when you cornered him—or, more accurately, when he cornered you.

“i dunno,” satoru replies, leaning back in his chair and resting his hands behind his head. he grins shamelessly, looking you up and down with interest. “so, pretty girl, how’ve you been since we last met?”

you slip your hands into your pockets to stop yourself from doing something you’ll regret and ignore the curious look your coworker gives you. “this meeting isn’t about me. this is about the people you killed and the punishment you’re about to get,” you answer through gritted teeth.

satoru laughs, eyes locking with yours and seeing right through you. “that’s funny. so, who’s this shrimpy guy next to you? your boyfriend?” he jeers, grinning unnervingly at your coworker. you shoot your subordinate an apologetic look, which he responds to with a nod.

“i’m her boss, actually,” he clarifies, running a hand through his blonde hair and narrowing his eyes. “kento nanami. and i’ve been referred to as a lot of things, but shrimpy is a first.” satoru makes a face and laughs, as if he’s amused by the whole scene.

“really? i’m surprised,” satoru replies easily. “i mean, whatever. i’ve seen better looking officers… like the one next to you.” he looks back at you, a careless smile still dancing on his lips. kento frowns and looks back and forth from you to satoru, and you force yourself to maintain a poker face in order to detract any suspicion.

“do you two know each other?” kento asks, crossing his arms. satoru starts laughing again, to which you roll your eyes. even if satoru were to tell kento what you hadn’t—that you two had fucked when you were supposed to be arresting him—you doubted that kento would believe him. after all, what’s the word of an obnoxious criminal compared to yours?

you shake your head and ignore satoru. “i’m the one who’s been leading the investigation on him for the past couple months,” you answer. kento meets your eyes and cocks an eyebrow, so you continue, “we met two weeks ago. i cornered him, but he escaped—”

“she let me,” satoru interjects, clearly enjoying the death glare you shoot at him a second later.

“you held a gun to my forehead,” you remind him pointedly, tapping the spot on your head where you vividly remember the cold metal resting against.

“yeah, but i kissed it aft—”

“we’re getting off-topic,” kento interrupts, shooting you a warning glance. “detective, i’ll handle the interrogation from here.”

you hesitate, not liking how smug satoru’s expression is—but, seeing as you don’t have a choice, you dip your head in assent and exit the room.

now that satoru’s been caught and is now in the grasp of the law, you don’t really have anything to do for the rest of the day. he was your case, and now, it looks like it’s closed, especially if your boss is the one interrogating him.

kento nanami has a reputation among law enforcement—he’s known as the stoic, serious man with a perfect record. there hasn’t been a single criminal he’s interrogated that hasn’t cracked, although the knot in your stomach tells you that this might be the first.

a sharp knock sounds on your office door, summoning you back from your train of thought. “it’s open,” you call, holding a piping hot coffee with both hands. kento opens the door and steps inside, eyebrows unusually tensed. his hands are balled into fists, too, in stark contrast to his characteristically calm demeanor.

“something wrong?” you ask tentatively, studying your boss’s troubled eyes.

kento takes a seat in the leather chair in the corner of your office and rests his elbow on the armrest, rubbing his temples. “detective, be honest with me. what happened the night you were supposed to arrest satoru gojo?”

for the first time since satoru pinned you to the wall of a darkened alley, your heart drops. kento’s knowing eyes watch your every move, from the subtle twitch in your eye to the way your fingers tense around the cup of coffee. “what do you mean?” you ask carefully, surprised at how steady your own voice is.

“detective, don’t play games with me,” kento asserts calmly, hand casually drifting towards the side of his waist. you know him well enough to know what he’s reaching for—the same instrument that another man pressed against your forehead just two weeks ago.

despite your mind being clouded with fear and uncertainty, you manage to rationalize your way through the situation. what proof could your boss possibly have besides the word of a criminal?

it’s your word against his—and you both know whose word kento’ll believe.

“that night, he threatened to kill me,” you start, repeating the story you told the authorities when they came ten minutes too late to catch satoru. “and he must’ve drugged me or knocked me unconscious because next thing i knew, he was gone.” your confidence grows with every word, and you start nodding as if you believe your own lies.

kento’s eyes narrow, and you force yourself to hold your poker face as he scrutinizes you and your words. three long, painful seconds of silence pass before his hand moves away from the holster strapped to his waist, and you internally sigh in relief. he stands without a word and makes to exit the room, but before he does, you risk it all. “why do you ask, sir?”

your boss pauses and turns back to you, eyebrows lifting in mild interest. he doesn’t answer immediately, and you tentatively ask, “...what did he tell you?”

kento exhales a soft huff of air, a look of dread in his brown eyes. “detective, for your own peace of mind, i assure you that you don’t want to know.”

well, fuck.

“i trust your judgement, then,” you reply, feeling your poker face start to slip away. you lift your now-cold cup of coffee to your lips and take a sip, attempting to hide the grimace that threatens to make an appearance. “have a good night, boss.”

“you too, detective. stay safe.”

“i’ll do my best.”

kento nods and heads out, and through your open window you watch him tell another one of your coworkers about how he’s planning on heading out early to make bread for his family, a gentle smile on his lips. eventually, he waves bye and exits the building.

you finish off your coffee and stand up, fishing out your key card from your pocket. you figure that you should head to the bathroom before you go home, just in case. a couple of your coworkers congratulate you when you come out of your office, praising you on the capture of your suspect. you take their compliments with a smile, ultimately wishing them a good night and escaping to the bathroom.

the door clicks shut behind you, and the comfortable quiet eases you at once. but before you can even appreciate the silence of the confined room, a sultry, familiar voice interrupts your thoughts. “aw, you weren’t gonna say bye before you left?”

you turn and your mouth drops open—standing before you, in the flesh, is the criminal you swore you last saw handcuffed to a chair.

“what the fu—”

satoru reaches out and grabs your wrist before you can scurry away or grab your phone. he pulls you into his chest, and you can feel his heartbeat against your back—at least, that’s what you notice before he clamps his hand over your mouth to stifle your yells.

“shut it,” satoru hisses, breath hot against the side of your face. he turns you towards the mirror of the bathroom so you can see how he’s holding you—one hand over your mouth, and one wrapped around your waist. “don’t try anything clever, sweetheart. i wouldn’t wanna have to hurt that pretty face of yours.”

you turn your head and glare at him furiously, cussing like a sailor against his hand. you eventually try to bite it, but your meager attack is essentially useless against his iron grip. satoru raises his eyebrows sternly and hushes you again, ice-blue eyes boring into your own.

“i’ll answer your questions, honey, but be careful,” he pauses and nods at his pocket, where the handle of what appears to be a knife—how the fuck did he get his hands on a knife?—pokes out of the cloth. “okay, i’m gonna take my hand off your mouth now,” he murmurs, purposefully lowering his voice.

true to his word, satoru removes his hand from your mouth. you take a long breath and hesitate—again, there’s not much you can do in this situation but play along. if he’s telling the truth, you can ask questions and he can answer them, so you try your hand at getting some information and biding time. someone would have to walk in the bathroom eventually, right?

“by the way,” satoru starts, a grin curving the corners of his lips upward. “nobody’s gonna come save you, princess. the door’s locked from the inside.” he also removes his hand from your waist, letting you take a step back.

“how?” you ask suspiciously, unsure if he’s telling the truth or not.

satoru laughs—his hair falls into his eyes, and immediately shakes it away with a huff of breath. “i’m good with my hands. but you already know that, don’t ya?”

you back away towards the other side of the bathroom, where sinks line the quartz countertop. “why aren’t you still in the interrogation room?”

“you think you’re the only girl i can convince to let me go?” satoru tuts, clicking his tongue disapprovingly. he reaches into his pocket—not the one with the knife—and extracts a badge of some sort. satoru flicks it at you, and you catch it in midair. to your surprise, it’s the badge of one of your superiors who was supposed to be keeping an eye on satoru. the coy smile on satoru’s face confirms what you’re thinking, and his nod seals it the next second.

“okay,” you say carefully, drawing out the word for a couple seconds. “how long have you been waiting here?”

“long enough,” satoru answers vaguely, not bothering to elaborate.

“thanks a lot,” you deadpan.

“nice to see that you’re still feisty—”

“and what the hell did you tell my boss?” you interrupt, suddenly remembering the dread-filled way kento had looked at you. the way your voice rises is unexpected enough to force satoru to involuntarily take a step back. it’s not much, but the step you take forward a second later to assert your position brings you a small feeling of satisfaction. after all, he’s only human—and all humans get surprised by loud noises.

satoru holds up his hands in mock surrender and eyes you skeptically. “you’re really worried about your boss’s approval, aren’t you?” he asks dryly, white hair falling into his eyes again. “heh, desperate much?”

you roll your eyes and curl your hands into fists—unfortunately, your action only seems to amuse satoru, but you ignore the little “aw” he coos and continue glaring at him. “answer the fucking question, satoru.”

“language,” he snorts. a second later, satoru cocks his head and thinks for a moment, and when his eyes land on you again he asks, “so, you’re still callin’ me satoru? cute.”

your face involuntarily heats up, and even though you’re sure satoru can tell, you pretend not to notice—again. “answer the question or i’ll scream.”

“you wouldn’t dare.”

“wouldn’t i?”

you don’t get the chance to fufill your threat, because satoru sees that you’re serious a second too early—everything’s a blur as he grabs your wrists and bunches them into one hand, firmly securing your hands behind your back. his chest rests on top of your back as he folds you over the bathroom counter, and his reflection leers at you from the mirror. “nice try, baby. but remember, you’re dealin’ with a world-class serial killer.”

“world-class? how humble of you,” you snap irritably, craning your neck to glare at satoru out of the corner of your eye. “you asshole, get off me or i’ll—”

satoru interrupts you by prodding at your lips with two of his fingers, forcing your mouth open and slipping them inside. you instantly attempt to bite him, but his fingers are so long that they trigger your gag reflex instead. “missed me, detective?” satoru coos, curling his fingers downwards and pressing on your tongue. a little whine involuntarily slips out of your lips, and satoru takes that as a yes. “yeah, i can tell,” he continues, studying your heated face in the reflection of the mirror. “i bet you couldn’t stop thinkin’ about me since that night, yeah?”

he doesn’t bother waiting for a response before he extracts his fingers and leaves you gasping for breath. you watch as satoru lifts his now-soaked fingers to his lips and runs his tongue over them, ice-blue eyes boring into your own. it’s disgusting, filthy even, but that doesn’t stop your thighs from clenching together in a futile attempt to hide your arousal from him.

“y’know, i think you’re wearing too many clothes,” satoru sighs, resting his chin on top of your head and smiling coyly. “wanna fix that for me?”

“do i have a choice?”

“no.” satoru pushes himself off of you and gives you enough space to start removing your clothes without his smothering presence. the idea of running away or screaming crosses your mind, but the serial killer’s smile makes you certain that you’d regret it—and that’s even disregarding the knife that’s still shining at you from his pocket.

seeing as you don’t really have any other option, you slowly shrug off your coat and let it slide down your body and onto the floor. your collared shirt comes off next, followed by your pants, until there’s hardly anything shielding you from satoru’s hungry eyes. the feeling stirring in the pit of your stomach is hard to describe—it’s something like a mix between longing and fear, two emotions you hadn’t felt since that night.

and maybe, even though every instinct you have insists that this is the last thing you should be finding pleasure in, you want to feel that way again.

“you really coulda been anything in the world with that body,” satoru sighs, leaning back against a wall and taking his sweet time looking you up and down. his eyes narrow slyly as he watches you shrink away from him instinctually, and the next thing you know, he’s on you again, hands tracing over your skin and lips unbearably close to yours. “although, i guess it’s a good thing you’re a detective, ‘cause i wouldn’t have met you if you weren’t.”

you shouldn’t be agreeing with him, and as he lifts you up onto the counter, you also know that you shouldn’t be letting him do this. it goes against everything you swore to protect when you joined law enforcement, and if this ever got out—no, when it got out, you’d be the pariah of the city.

but even after thinking it through, one, two, maybe even three times, you can’t find it in your heart to care about much else than the hands pushing apart your thighs and slipping inside your shamelessly wet cunt.

“heh, how long has it been since we last did this?” satoru coos, eyes glazing over with a mixture of lust and adoration. his face is redder than you’ve ever seen it—the blush spreads all the way up to the tips of his ears, and it’s even more prominent underneath the overhead lights as he eyes you. “two weeks, right? feels like it’s been twenty.”

“do you ever shut up?” you mutter sourly, averting your eyes from satoru’s. he responds by curling up the two fingers he has inside your cunt, a mean little smile on his lips.

“careful with that mouth of yours,” satoru warns, pushing his fingers in farther until he’s practically knuckle-deep inside of you. his thumb rests firmly against your clit, toying with the sensitive skin. “it’ll get you in trouble one day, pretty girl…” satoru withdraws his fingers in one swift motion with a soft, wet pop. he lifts his hand to his lips and licks off your slick, swiping his tongue over his fingers a couple times with a smile. “y’know what? i’ll let you go if you can do one thing for me, ‘kay?”

he waits for your response, raising an eyebrow patiently for you to catch your breath. it almost feels like deja vu, or some cheesy movie from the 90’s: the pretty little detective getting fucked by the big bad serial killer, and you know how these films always ended—not pretty.

“what?” you ask halfheartedly, expecting him to ask you to do something like erase him from the police records or sabotage the investigation. satoru cups your face with both hands, leaning in close enough for his lips to brush against yours, and his smile is almost mocking when he replies.

“suck my dick.”

part of you wants to ask “that’s it?”, but the glimmer in satoru’s knowing eyes makes you certain that he won’t make this easy for you.

“what if i say no?” you ask tentatively. it’s a stupid question—now you’re just playing russian roulette with his rationality, and either way, you already know your decision.

the past two weeks have been torture. every waking moment of yours was spent thinking about the man you fucked, and every time you thought of his carefree smile and feather-light touch, you just felt guilty for wanting more. after all, when you first became a detective, you swore to prioritize your job and not make any personal relationships with your subjects. and yet, here you were, almost too eager to get on your knees for the serial killer who you swore to incapacitate.

satoru shrugs nonchalantly in response to your question and not-so-subtly shoots a furtive glance at his pocket, where the handle of his knife still pokes out. “you’re a smart girl. i think you can guess, yeah?”

and that’s how you ended up with your lips wrapped around satoru’s dick for the seventh time (if you include every fantasy you’ve had about giving him head). it’s almost funny how he switches up the second you run your tongue over his blushing pink tip—his face goes red, all the way up to his ears, and the little breathy moans that slip out of his lips would be adorable in any other context but this.

“f-fuck, wasn’t expecting you to be this good,” he manages to mutter through gritted teeth, eyes fluttering open and shut. “where’d you learn to suck dick like this, heh—”

it’s been.. a while since satoru first helped you get on your knees in front of him and unzipped his pants, and even though it could’ve just been a couple minutes, it feels like this is all you’ve ever known. satoru’s ice blue eyes have barely moved from you since you started, and it looks like it’ll stay like that until you finish—or, more accurately, until he finishes.

satoru’s foot bounces on the floor as you lick a long stripe from the tip of his dick to the top of it, and the way his nails dig into his palm makes you absolutely certain that he’s close to cumming down your throat. “shit, don’t— don’t stop,” he chokes out, threading his fingers through your hair and involuntarily pushing down your head. “fuck—”

when satoru finally cums, it’s pitifully obvious—actually, it’s almost embarrassing. last time, you were the one in shambles when he was done with you, but now, it looks like it’s the other way around. his eyes flicker as they almost roll back from the sheer pleasure of you sucking him dry, and when satoru’s cum shoots out of his painfully hard dick, it’s a hot mess that leaks out of your mouth and down your chin.

“y-yeah, good girl,” he murmurs shakily, reaching down and swiping his thumb over your cum-soaked, swollen lips. you lick off the thick, viscous liquid from his fingers instinctually, a dazed little smile on your face as you watch satoru tilt his head back towards the ceiling.

it’s interesting, seeing the city’s infamous serial killer like this. he’s leaning back against the white tile of the bathroom walls, chest heaving from his orgasm, and in that moment, you realize that his attention is on everything else but you.

so, naturally, you stab him in the back.

not literally—that’d be a pain for your office’s custodian to clean up, but you extract the knife from satoru’s discarded pants and, before he can register the sharp object in your shaky hand, you press it to his blush-red throat.

satoru’s hazy eyes widen in disbelief as he realizes what’s going on before they narrow in what looks almost like a mix between anger and shock. it’s stupid, foolish, and almost naive, but somewhere in your chest, it feels like a dagger pokes at your softened heart when you categorize the look in his eyes as betrayal. which is, by all accounts, entirely unreasonable—did he seriously think you wouldn’t take advantage of him like this?

at the end of the day, no matter how good the dick was, you weren’t about to sacrifice your well-paying job for a man on the run from the law.

“what the fuck?” satoru snaps, hand twitching in a movement to throw you off of him, but thankfully, the sudden shift in atmosphere heightened your instincts to a point where nothing could possibly catch you off-guard. you dig in the knife a millimeter deeper into his throat, avoiding eye contact with the man you just made cum with your mouth. “are you—”

“yeah, i am,” you assert, biding time. as much as you’d like to pretend that you’re completely in control of the situation, there’s only so long that you can hold up this stalemate. satoru’s stronger than you physically, and the second he figures out a way to handle the knife pressed to his neck, he’d get his revenge.

satoru comes to this conclusion about as fast as you did, and his lips curve upwards in a jeering smile. the look in his eyes is borderline insane when he snarls, “nobody’s gonna rescue you from me, princess. just you wait—”

and, with perfect comedic timing, the bathroom door opens, and one of your female co-workers steps in. you’ve never talked to her much, but thankfully, her instincts are even faster than yours.

what happens next goes by in a haze. your co-worker holds a gun to the side satoru’s head, and calls for backup. then, a handful of sleepy-eyed police officers haul away a cursing and fighting satoru to who-knows-where.

but just before he’s out of sight, satoru shoots you an unsettlingly calm look. and as if that wasn’t concerning enough, the last words he mouths to you are “this isn’t over.”

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thxnks4themrms · 6 months ago

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OKAY SO MY THING WITH THE MELANIE FANDOM IS LIKE THEYRE SO IGNORANT AND INSENSITIVE. THEY WILL LITERALLY GO OUT OF THEIR WAY TO COMMENT ON POST THAT ARE DEFENDING TIMOTHY AND SAY SHIT LIKE “WEARING/JUST BOUGHT HER MERCH!!! 🥰” OR “PLAYING MY PORTALS CD RN 💗” LIKE DUDE REGARDLESS OF WHOS ACTUALLY TELLING THE TRUTH AND WHOS LYING YOU DONT SAY THAT TYPE OF SHIT TO SOMEONE WHO COULD POSSIBLY BE THE VICTIM

What also is like really strange and kinda annoying is that the new earthlings or whatever the bitches who listen to portals are called. In this situation they’re kinda just like making shit worse and it’s like they’re making everything kinda all over the place. Ik not all earthlings are like that but it’s a majority of them who are making the fandom seem bad. What’s kinda weird to me is that like how there’s a whole ass group of collectors who have basically shrines dedicated to Mel but are surprised by these allegations being brought up. Imo if you say someone is your “fav artist” then like at least know more about them and their past - LIKE HOW ARE YOU SPENDING THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS ON MERCH AND ON TICKETS??? I kinda feel like the new people in the fandom just aren’t really normal (there’s ppl who don’t look into her past and there are ppl who literally stalk her and it’s fucking scary) .

I’ve probably said this like a trillion times before but I’ve been a fan since her cry baby era in 2015. Come 2017 when the first sa allegations came out I was pretty young so I didn’t understand it all too well. Now that I’m older I understand it more and like it doesn’t take a fucking smartass to be like “oh hey let’s not pick sides too quickly - let’s just see what’s happening and if anything new comes out” I feel like you need to hear both sides of the story to decide who’s side you’re gonna be on yk

There was some other shit I wanted to say but im kinda all over the place so ill add more shit later but sorry for the rant chat

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menlove · 5 months ago

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hey there! i’ve very recently gotten into the beatles and have been exploring their history/lore in my spare time and accidentally spiraled down the mclennon rabbit hole. reading your posts has really got me interested but i’ll admit i’m a bit conflicted, so i hope you don’t mind me asking a genuine question; how do you reconcile john’s horrible behavior to cynthia/others while also shipping mclennon? (this is genuinely not from a place of malice, i’m already attached to mclennon myself but knowing john’s past has put me in a weird headspace about the whole thing and i don’t know what to do).

oh I get that. I've definitely been in a weird headspace about the whole thing before too. recently and then it's also part of why I deeply pretended I didn't still like the beatles after my first obsession as a kid

for me personally, I think there's several ways I come at it? (and disclaimer: this is as a fan who's already decided to interact w him/his work in a fannish way. I'm NOT saying any of this is necessary or that people who can't stand him are obligated to do these things. and that's not @ u anon, I've just gotten some odd responses any time I talk about this)

first one is just that he's already dead. not just dead, but brutally murdered. he was murdered when he was 40 and so the question is like.... what Else can really be done ykwim? like there's this sense in social justice circles that people must be made to Suffer for their actions and I'd say getting murdered is right up there

I'd also say another Big One for me is that it's not my place to forgive him or not forgive him or whatever. I never knew the man, his actions didn't impact me personally. but those that they Did impact (cynthia, yoko, may, paul to an extent, etc) still deeply love the man and Have forgiven him. which obviously isn't to say that means anyone else has to, but just that like. at the end of the day, if the people he hurt have moved on & view him in an overall positive light, I don't feel like. as bad about it?

I'm trying to explain this in a way that doesn't sound like I'm excusing anything, bc I'm really not. just that To Me the most important goals of holding famous abusive people accountable is a) justice for those they've harmed and b) letting their wallets feel the consequences of their actions by not giving money to their shit. both of these points are... pretty much null with john. he's dead, in one of the worst ways possible, and the people that he hurt aren't calling for any sort of action against him bc they've already forgiven him.

ultimately I think just like....... as long as you tread a lil carefully and keep it in mind it's... the damage was already done, the people he hurt have already moved on, and the man's already dead. writing about him fucking paul mccartney isn't going to Worsen anything. as long as we aren't like. denying that he was abusive Or trying to deify him.

and like I said, this is literally only about ppl who have Already chosen to still interact w him in any fannish way like you and I. I'm in no way demanding anyone else view it like this if they don't like him or the beatles bc of his actions

#abuse tw #also that wording was weird but dgshshs cyn forgave him long before she died she's not still kicking though

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mvmnbnv · 14 days ago

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i hate people that make a response to you and then block you when they see that you respond or before you can even respond even though you’re under MY post. like did you even want me to respond to begin with or no. let alone make an entire post based on you AND send you a dm. bitch if you’re bold enough to do that much to try to get someone’s attention be bold enough to take it. wtf are these people on. and i’m not even just talking about that saga person, i’ve seen at least 4 different people also say that they were blocked by that shitpostingsapphic person AFTER they reblogged their post and wrote a comment about it. now that’s just pussy 😭

shitpostingsapphic wouldnt last in a convo with me and they know it, hence the block. probably why they block other ppl too bc they know the shit they spout is nonsense. regardless, im here to rebut the bullshit takes to better help ppl understand why the relationship is trash and why it shouldnt be put on a pedestal, not to get into it with cowards like them who are so desperate for caitvi to be good they'll do shit like this

the saga shit was sad bc i actually liked their posts. like idk why i got blocked, maybe i didnt respond fast enough, but oh well. i just wasnt in the headspace to do it and quite frankly dont have to till im ready. it is what it is. and that whole thing was sad because all that needed to be done was a critique, not outright accusing me of shit i'd never do, especially as someone who's been through the ringer as a child and has experienced my own fair share of abuse.

#arcane #vi arcane #arcane vi #anti caitvi #anon #asks

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dukeofdelirium · 7 months ago

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I recently got into ATLA again and the fandom is so strange I never expected a show as heartfelt as this to have so much beef inside its fanbase. I'm used to fandom toxicity and discourse- it's a part of every fandom, but a lot if stuff here just seems like ppl making up issues to get mad at. I rly feel like I'm in a diff world bc I loved this show and watched it so many times over the years ever since I was a preteen and never in my life would I have expecteded Aang of all characters to be so hated. Ppl calling him a niceguy incel misogynist is like?? Did we watch the same show ??? He's just a lil guy. I can't believe ppl hate him. It's very disorienting as someone who loved this series for years but never engaged or knew what the fandom was like till now. Huge whiplash!

Oh yeah this fandom is insane lmao. It’s true that every fandom has people like this in it, but some fandoms take toxicity to a new level. I’d say ATLA and Stranger Things are probably the worst fandoms I’ve ever been in lol. That’s why I filter tags on here. I mean, most of the ATLA fandom isn’t rlly that bad tbh, it’s just the crazy zutarians who have the most unwashed ass takes that kind of ruin it for everyone. Stranger Things has the same problem with Milevens. I think it boils down to ships and ppl being incapable of like… abiding by ship and let ship. They can’t just enjoy their pairing, they have to have the most wild takes and harass people. I mean hell, when s4 of ST dropped, I was getting around 30-50 mileven stan anons a DAY! They were harassing my blog bc I had made like 3 posts about s4 and how I shipped Byler. Then all a sudden they’re screen recording my blog and making posts about me on Twitter??? LMAO! I didn’t even RUN a stranger things blog, mind you. I had only made a few posts at the time. But here they were, obsessing over my blog bc I shipped something that wasn’t mileven and they were sending me hate anons calling me homophobic slurs and shit, then we (byler shippers) also all started getting harassed by a homophobic christian 😭😭😭😭

The zutara shippers have sent some anon hate my way too on here, but not as severe as Milevens did back when s4 dropped. But apparently there’s zeeks who are obsessed with me too and are trying to track my IP 😂 supposedly I’m a “well known” kataang shipper so this gives them justification to try and doxx lmao. I mean good luck to them, I have online security soooooo. Anyway shits wild bestie

#avatar the last airbender #atla #pro kataang #kataang #anti zutara #anti mileven #anon

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broken-exfaust-pipe · 5 days ago

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i’m only here bc my colleagues wouldn’t shut up abt this hellhole 🫶🏽

————

‼️‼️GECS HIJACKS THE INTRO POST‼️‼️

I’ve never made an askblog before, omg! My only complaint, so far, is that my Tumblr doesn’t have an option to make text yellow : )

It’s okay— I’ll settle for weird orange.

Before I got started, I wanted to do a little ‘character summary’ type thing, since Fausta is an OC.

I’m just gonna write some basic lil bits of info, in this section, right here!

↓↓↓

F/N: Fausta María Stark

Alias: Cobalt Blue

Age: 17yrs

Height: 6’0”

Nationality: American (born in Malibu California, raised in NYC NY)

Ethnicity: Dominican

Defining features: Wine-stain birthmark (right collarbone), prosthetic left forearm (custom-built)

Languages: Spanish, English

Trivia: Undiagnosed autistic

・Artificial webbing

・Stark industries didn’t ‘exist’ in her universe. Instead, she had Stark International and they sold home appliances (like smart fridges!)

・The AI built into her suit is named Alexa. Alexa has been around since Tony designed Fausta’s first prosthetic arm, and Faust chose the name when she was 10 years old

・Since she took over designing her own tech, her arm has had a plethora of useless functions built into it— kind of like a multitool! A few of these include: a bottle opener, a box cutter, and a flashlight

It’s probably important to mention—

‼️Both Gecs and Fausta are minors‼️

So, hey, maybe don’t send in anything weird.

I’ll be using these tags to indicate certain content (or whatever—)

↓↓↓

#G— indicates that Gecs is speaking in the tags

#⚙️— indicates Fausta is speaking in the tags

#mod post - this one is pretty self-explanatory

#cobaltposting - posting or reblogging things as Fausta would

Fausta is a character that I made way back when I first watched the Iron Man movies— I was around 11 or 12, back then, and it still shows in some of her writing (mostly her cringefail backstory)… So, y’know, go easy on me.

————

so hey i’m going 2 spare u ppl the whole gorey backstory mostly bc i don’t want 2 talk abt it

in summary:

I was adopted by Tony Stark when I was 8 years old. My bio parents lived in a condo not far from his mansion in Malibu. I made a run for it after they beat the shit out of me (for reasons—you know how it is) and ended up in Pá’s front yard. He took me in, during my recovery… and couldn’t get rid of me.

Good for me, I guess—not every day you get adopted by a billionaire who also fuels your engineering special interest.

When I was 14, I was bitten by a radioactive spider on a school excursion to Oscorp Labs. Since then, I’ve developed an insane allergy to most spiders… and wall-climbing, web-slinging superpowers.

I became the vigilante Cobalt Blue (named after the tarantula, not the metal!) and the rest is history.

Oh, and my universe was kind of, sort of destroyed by an anomaly… but we don’t talk about that.

I live and work full-time at Spider-Society HQ on Earth 928-B.

so y’know… ask me shit ig

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j2zara · 5 months ago

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for the ask game!! 📚 💭 👖

Sorry these took all day i've been out and Tired as hell but thank u!

📚 Do you read your own fic?

I try to not feel embarrassed that the answer is yeah bc like I think if other ppl reread their own work it would make sense!!!! Like I would not judge at all and honestly co-sign rereading ur own shit. I literally tell ppl that the reason I write is bc like. It’s basically the chance to craft your own perfectly tailored special interest to share with others. So like. Why wouldn’t I like it? (And this was especially true when I was trying to write original stuff which is why it’s so frustrating I never finish anything. But also a little true now too. This whole weird cloneverse was the product of my dumb thought experiment “what if the clones were people who had the capacity to be just as tragic as Jace). It’s got everything I like in it. I try to tell myself anyway. In practice it’s like. Argh.I kinda go through periods where I like. And this is usually after I JUST posted. Wanna do other things but end up distracting myself by rereading the thing I just made over and over. And then I forget it exists and often in my mind it’s like. Oh I don’t wanna read that i think bc I have residual feelings of like. Idk embarrassment I guess? Like I convince myself it’s old and probably bad but sometimes when I’m glancing at old things I write for. Refresher purposes (usually on cloneverse lol) I end up getting suckered back into rereading it like oh hey is this actually. Good?

Anything older I mostly haven’t looked at in a while bc idk. I’m very hard on my old self. I did reread my Reddie sky high au thing and went. Hm this is actually fun I like this. Most of my IT stuff is like. Ok I think? This is kinda related but I JUST got a comment on a talent swap I wrote for DR and I literally haven’t updated the thing since 2018 and I feel so bad for abandoning it but. Part of it is bc I think if I were to come back to it I would wanna redo some of the old chapters and I feel so pained looking at the early chapters. I keep telling myself I’ll get to it. My Mukuro and Hiro proxy sibling agenda deserves it, they deserve to be best friends so bad, I’m sad I abandoned them.

💭 What is a headcanon you have about your own work?

This is such a funny question bc I’m such a goddamn blabbermouth so I feel pretty confident that I’ve already posted so much cringe abt the headcanons for cloneverse. Like. Technically J3’s personality started as a headcanon in that i was like “oh, Porter was flirting with J3 the entire time he was falling in love with J2”. 99% of the time if i feel compelled to say it i will just say it? Actually you know what? I just thought of one that might be kinda schmaltzy and i feel bad for not saying its a 100% certainty but in my heart Ankarna grants all the clones some form of true life but it would probably be some fucked genie deal where its like there’s a reincarnation au or something. Like they have to find each other again or something. Very Hadestown Orphydice anybody got a match coded. Genuinely b/c J4 wishes she was never Of Jace she gets what she wants and its like good/bad. Bc i can never stop putting the clones in the torment nexus I don’t know if that’s completely stupid

👖 Are you a planner, plantser, or pantser? Is it consistent?

I try so hard to be a planner bc I’m so frustrated by my pantser process. Like. Idk i tend to just ride momentum but without foresight you end up going in directions that can be kinda formless and completely wrong and idk. I have such hard time finishing things b/c of this i think. But when I try to plan I’m also so bad at it i don’t think I’ve ever finished a real and true outline before I start. I want to be the kind of person that has clean outlines but. Idk. So by default I guess I’m a plantser bc I do have docs full of notes but my notes are always super messy and like. Idk what I’m doing evolves so much while I work that half the time the notes end up not even accurate to what I’m aiming for. Worst of both worlds life

#jan.ask

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thatdesklamp · 1 year ago

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WAIT OMG-

been reading intrinsic warmth for a WHILE and your writing is top tier!! i always wondered to myself every time i’d read a chapter why the writing just STICKS, yk? i’m a MAJOR book girlie, i read 24/7.

AND THEN IMAGINE MY SURPRISE WHEN I READ ONE OF YOUR TAGS THAT YOU PUT UP ON ONE OF YOUR POSTS WHERE YOU WERE ANSWERING A QUESTION FROM ANOTHER LOVELY READER AND I SEE THAT YOU TOOK AN ENGLISH A LEVEL?

first of all (not 100% sure on this) but i’m pretty sure only british ppl take gcses, a levels, etc. YOU’RE BRITISH?

i feel like i’ve met my other half rn over something so tiny but yeah. IT LITERALLY EXPLAINS WHY YOUR WRITING IS SO GOOD:

i could point out the NUMBER of times i’ve seen juxtaposition, symbolism, foreshadowing in your fic to someone if they’d asked me to point it out for them. at first i thought you might’ve done it unknowingly, and then i decided that nope, bc foreshadowing is such a BIG writing technique that it simply couldn’t have been by accident.

it’s one thing to know about a writing technique and another to actually be able to SUCCESSFULLY incorporate it into your writing. if it isn’t clear enough, i’m saying that you did it AMAZINGLY. you’ve got a natural talent and i’m envioussss (in a supporting way ofc 😭).

you should really look into making your own book, and i think you EXCEL at the supernatural aspect of plot in stories. your writing is so unique and different yet so warm, it reminds me of autumn (my favourite season).

idk how to end such a long message, ultimately i don’t have a reason for typing this up and shit. ik you have tons of people probably saying the same thing and it might just get repetitive for you, but i wouldn’t feel comfortable not being part of said bunch-of-ppl-probably-saying-the-same-thing.

oh! and take your SWEET TIME updating. it’s your story, your fic, your writing. the ONLY thing we readers can give you as a payback and thanks is time, patience, and understanding <3333

RAHHH BRITTANIA 💪💪💪💪

Agh. Yes—I’m British (English to be precise, sweet sweet caroline etc), hence the use of ‘u’s in words like ‘colour’ and ‘humour’, and also why everyone’s parents are their ‘father’ or ‘mother’ and not mum/dad. ‘Mom’ feels too American but ‘mum’ feels too rah engerland, yk? I’ve mentioned previously that I’m looking forward to writing fics where the characters are actually from England and where I’m actually allowed to write them the way I talk, mostly. Good lord am I excited.

And yes lol I took English for an A-Level. Bloody smashed it too, if I get to brag, mwahaha. Didn’t take it any further (I’ve also previously said that I’m a # woman in stem uni student, which is true), but I still write a killer essay imo. Give me 10 minutes to do a refresher on ‘Othello’ (it’s been a while okay) and I can talk for donkeys about his tragic fall and how much of a wanker he is. Which he is! I’m a Desdemona defender for life.

You say ‘natural talent’. PLS. No!! God no. Not at all. I wish—that would’ve made it a lot easier, but whatever I can do rn is down to bloody years of toiling away on my shitty little laptop, I promise. I’ve got another anon ask that asked about some writing tips so I’ll do the bulk of them there but my number 1 will always and forever be to practise. Whatever skill I have now has been earned over the many years. You don’t even want to see some of the stuff that will never grace my ao3 page (atla had me in a chokehold through covid and I have never been the same).

But you are genuinely so complimentary: this is so so lovely of you. Thank you?? It’s really weird being someone who writes and also someone who enjoys analysing literature; you’re right, half of the ‘techniques’ are intentional (the number of times I’ve flicked through some chapters’ drafts and thought, ‘fucks sake none of this makes sense, I need to add some decent foreshadowing or none of this will make sense in two chapters’), but also so much of my writing is just thinking, ‘hmm, this doesn’t really feel right. No no, I don’t like the vibe of this. I want this to feel more GRAAHHH and less lalalala. Lemme change this up a bit’. Whether that leads to the whole, short sentences->speeds up the pace of the reader when reading the section->increased tension, mimics actual fight encounter, etc etc (all the stuff you blag on about in eng lit), then maybe that counts as intentional? And maybe not.

Making my own book? That’s lovely of you to say but I also really don’t have any ideas for anything non-fanfic’y! Lol. I love a good bit of canon compliance, that’s my issue. That being said—hey, another eng a level reference—I’ve made multiple references here to being the world’s #1 ‘Atonement’ hater. Unfortunately, it also lives damn rent free in my head and I’ve got the bare bones of a WW2-era, perhaps epistolary, longform fic buzzing around. (Fandom: Marauders. I’m a disgrace but here we go). I’ve written nothing for it and maybe I never will, but that’s one of the only things I can see as being more standalone from original canon. Anyway: it’s the fanfic life for me. Ali Hazelwood’s life is but a distant dream.

But anyway! Thank you again for your lovely words. The next IW chapter will take a very long time, I have to be frank, so thank you for the reassurance that that’s not absolutely disgraceful lmao T_T Thanks again!! <3

#intrinsic warmth #I hope I have not accidentally hidden my englishness #the biggest event of this month isn’t Halloween or 1989tv — it’s the switch from bst to gmt babyy

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toinfinitywinning · 11 months ago

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confident about confidence & not confident that makes sense.

*real Quick. This (G)entry might make ur head spin. Could also Title : what you think no one knew. U tried it.

I wont ask for a raise of hands. Everyone deals with it. There’s no solution, no answer. Experience & being a dumbass——>Guidance and wisdom. There are many reasons I bring up confidence. One, it’s one of those words that’s not a word …it is a State of being. you just kind of don’t know where to place it b/c well, you’re not confident of where to land w/ it and even if you were you’d be like just leave it bc i don’t have time for this. to debate confidence v confidence? again Dog-ear the page or burn it bc im not even confident about THAT. Then once and only if it’s (the whole world of confidence) placed hyper-questioning kicks in: is that where it should be? Then… be and stay? Also am I losing it? I’m not confident about that but maybe. That’s always on the agenda you never agreed to and I AM confident about that i think.

If there is one constant in My Life it’s been My back n forth relationship with confidence. I have this thought daily, truly. I’ll say to myself ok yea I’m cute…

[insert any other compliment you give yourself or even receive by others only b/c you’re actually insecure— and just like the fact you’re still sick from being healthy (Me) it doesn’t make sense so bc it doesn’t make sense just I guess get over it and carry on]

…but R u cute enough to actually be happy and okay about that or do you want to change something? Take another chiseled mirror picture flexing? And u never went to a trainer? Feel better now? But I only got 3 likes. So idk.

Er No i think I’ve figured it out. Just dont eat. Exercise 2-4 hrs a day. Weights. 100 Push-up’s. 100 Calf raises. Repeat. Twice a Day if ya can. Anything to find confidence in the material. Find Pride. Only Pride you’re good at tho is the lgbtq spectrum and recently are glad it’s a spectrum since u have no idea where you fall into it anymore bc you’re not confident and it’s completely irrelevant b/c I can live between the letters+ the rest of my Life— that’s fine. Any of which could be foreshadowing of any category of Illness to come. But yea Now that you’re sick…you gotta trash your other Pride AGAIN b/c you can’t do anything without help.

10, 9, 8…my Tourette’s R throttled.

Then lately, aka the past 2 years—I can make the cute comment, i like my sun freckles and My eyes. My baby hairs when i wear a hat backwards. My smile. Just dont smile where you look fat or have a dbl chin bc you worked too hard to get all that weight off and how would that look if you just got fat again? Pitiful and weak and a fraud. Going back on your word b/c anything I declare Online is binding. So just Show some of your body in pics but not all so people dont think youre trying NOT to be totally honest with internet fame but so you still look confident. but as for doing anything about it…physically can’t now b/c trying to get better is not a good idea bc of POTS and Pppunishment for trying to be in shape but oh when u tried to be in shape never was not-not punishment. Then what…back to no confidence. Felt like My Face is cute but _______ oh, ill still think that later. Confident about that. Forget about iiit. Post it.

Then all the sudden youre not just fighting with yourself. there’s the whole social Media thing also including the “felt cute, might _____ later.” What R we doing later (?!) LOL. We say Shit that doesn’t make sense at all. (English still deemed the hardest language to learn b/c we have three versions of the same thing). Who decided why ppl need to know what we’re doing later if we are cute? LOL, Well then, I’m typically the later. I think. B/c if I even did feel cute I didn’t have enough confidence to say it, yea? Even if I was?

TRAP

This goes back to My eating Disorder(s)—which, is technically a fantastic eerily precluding example of the back and forth weight and confidence issues I’ve always had on and off. Ok so weight, up and down. Confidence obviously plays along. Self worth in that scale- turn the lights off. Can’t see your bones anymore, I’m doing something wrong. I’m healthier but I also have Long COVID-19? I lost all this weight and im fainting? Oh and science does back up that the reason u were so susceptible to getting sick is bc you got healthy! Your body was so assaulted it kicked into overdrive to help you but did a 180 gainer instead of the whole 360. So u Quit smoking. stopped drinking, et. Working on an eating disorder mixed of anorexia and exercise bulimia bc you used to be morbidly obese and lost 150 lbs and dammit you’re gonna let ppl know it for confidence’s sake. Do. Not. Waiver. Social Media is holding us all hostage and accountable.

That’s weak, Gentry. B/c if it’s on the Internet it’s REAL and it’s permanent. Keep it up. Don’t think about it too much.

Back to my body being so healthy it gets sick. The most laughable backwards bull shiggity I’ve ever been a part of. My Pleasure. Again, body got So healthy in fact, the health takes form and wants to protect you so badly that it turns turbo, fast, furious and wants to heal you SO fast and so well, well, it’s bad. And, AND, you cant do anything about that trust me your body is confident in that. Oh and also wait even tho u did follow all the covid safety rules half of America made fun of that is also irrelevant. Why? I’m confident the answer is bc What why? LOL. This gets Good, gets better. Need 2 years to explain. So book it in advance.

Speed ‘round to tie all the above mess? not confident I can do that with this entry. Can’t speed through any of this type Schitt in a few words. Forget a proofread.

Engine sputters. Then stops even sputtering. And pls stop using that word.

Pretty confident I can’t go anywhere now!

See now? Ofc you don’t.

Truly it was the beginning of the End. I’m confident about that. I do thank God for that tho. Not that this needed to happen but something needed to distract Me from myself and its prison only I could have built. Go ahead and add that pressure to your Tab too.

Me thinks i do. I sound Manic. And steroids influenced.

PS: if you take anything from this—these strategies of extremes to get extremes don’t work. They’re temporary. It’s more your mind than your body. They’re not going to make you happy everlasting.even Snow White got F’d temporarily and she was not even cute. There’s a shallowness to the extremes intoxication but unless like an Addiction you’re ready to Face and admit it honestly healing cannot Begin. TIME is on your side and most of the time you’d prefer it the other Way then the other Way. So This “advice”— or call it what you want— doesn’t just apply to confidence and the extremes we Will take so you CAN be all about you you you. Where is the line btw confidence Health and cockiness and a titch narcissism? The obsession—It Will leave you empty.

I just read the above and thank goodness I didn’t handwrite it b/c then you’d really have no chance of deciphering any part of it! Even so you may have to learn the hard Way like most of us. Something I’ll never understand but can look at somebody and know they’ve been there too.

Just do you. Don’t try so hard. You’ll be so tired. But just be present. That’s gonna bring joy. Not a scale. Not a selfie. What do YOU want. Trust my confidence on this at least. Ya can’t beat it. Truly is what is at your Core. What do people think first? I’m still unsure I want to know that anyway! Being yourself is terrifying. WHYYY?!

I need a scribe.

Don’t ask Me ;)

Be blessed.

Xx, g3

#Confidence #selfesteem #why #scared

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saetoru · 2 years ago

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Also im so vexed rn hope u don't mind me word vomiting but I've been on genshin for like 1.5 years now and so far the community has been amazing. There's so many shit labels on it which I never got because people are so nice! Most people anyway..

So today I was doing my weekly bosses, I usually co op them because idk I enjoy it more than doing it on my own. So I entered this persons world to fight shogun, they picked scara, I was yelan, someone else was chongyun i fink and there was a hu tao.

I would've changed to a healer (Idm playing healer to fill in the slot and it feels more comfy having a healer or shielder on the team or else everyones spamming sweet madame 😭) but they started the domain before I could change so eh. I literally typed in chat "rip healer" and all 3 of them came at me as if I was crying about it... I made one statement and they were like 🙄🙄🙄🙄 ur yelan tho lol does it really matter (bc she scales on hp so I have like 32k). If there's a hu tao and yelan why tf do u need a healer. No joke, they responded SO AGGRESSIVELY to that one statement.

At that point I was a bit :/ but i stayed quiet bc whatever let's just do the boss and go. Hu tao died within the first 5 seconds lol bc they were on like 100 hp and loaded in before they could even react. So that's one down!! Then we're playing, raiden is doing her thing and our hp is melting. I'm spamming food to keep my yelan alive (lowkey I get mad anxiety when my chars are at low hp I could never play hu tao djdbf) whilst attacking.

Shogun does her one shot move and we couldn't get the shield up in time. Somehow I'm the only one who died?? Anyway I was like "..." in the chat bc idk how I was the only one who died. And then they were onto me like thats on u thats ur fault why would u do that and I was like... am I missing smth here wtf is going on why are they getting rude to me for no reason 😭

And I typed in oh why was I the only one to die and they were like do you not know how to play, have u never done this before, are you blind, the shield didn't activate for any of us

Then I typed yeah ik but the shield didn't activate so why was I the only one to die. No one else did

And then they keep getting onto me so I fr went girl calm urself why u getting this pressed over a game dfkm 😭

And then they (it was mainly the host at this point) were like lol actually im very calm and carried on

Then I was like yh ur calm, just rude apparently

At that point I was mad pissed and just abandoned the challenge and left the world. They said smth like "LOL why you so pressed that im not being nice to you"

Bitch 💀 don't be nice to me, but that doesn't mean you need to get rude to me. Man thats the one and hopefully only bad experience I've had on genshin but I'm fr so mad about it like damn who hurt u. Sitting behind a screen and getting enjoyment out of this 😭

girl the way they’re so fucking rude over the fact that u said “rip healer” like that reaction alone would’ve made me leave like DAMN. and the fact that hu tao died and they didn’t say nothing but they were so snarky at you 😐 come back and show me their builds bestie (i’m nosy JDHSHD but i won’t post them dw) let’s see if they can walk the walk since they rly like to talk the talk

but i’ve only co oped with strangers like ??? 3 times ??? sometimes it’s funnnn like when windtrace happened !! i co oped that whole event bc i was across the globe to for my cousins wedding so all my friends were asleep when i was awake and i needed the primos 🥲 so i co oped and the ppl were so nice we were chatting and laughing i had so much fun jfksjfdj i miss that event sm

BUT ANYWAY yeah i’ve co oped like 3 times to do weeklies when i’ve been low on food or something and most ppl are nice !! so i hope that’s one of ur rare bad experiences :,) i also don’t rly like doing weeklies alone fjsjdjd so now i force casp to do them with me his itto carries and i just stand and look pretty 😍 fjsjdjdj my characters are built well but i’m just incapable of dodging ever so i die halfway thru unless i manage to eat food on time or there’s a healer so i feel u there too i like when someone brings a healer :,)

anywayyyy sorry u had that bad experience :( u definitely didn’t deserve that rude ass host and their nasty snarky attitude over a freaking gacha game like jeez

ALSO since we always talk genshin if ur na server and wanna add each other (no pressure ofc) then u should add me hehe

#asks!#U DIDNT DESERVE THAT BESTEE #RIP YELAN OUR HYDRO QUEEN #that i will unfortunately be skipping #💔

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d0ntw0rrybehappy · 2 years ago

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journallllll 5/21

now that i’m moving out it’s gonna be harder to see my mom cause i’m further away and she’s gonna be sooo sad. i worry about my mom bc inside she is the world’s most lovable sweetest well-meaning person but she has less self-awareness/emotional control than most people so people judge her rly hard. i always want to be like guys just roll your eyes and let it go and let her know she is loved, she just has some weird kind of like, specific mom dementia/brain glitch, and deep down you KNOW this so lay off. there are so few people my mom lets in or will actually listen to. she was this kid runaway who built a life for herself in the art world copping designer clothes and flying to paree like a fucking pirate and then she had me instead of getting married and i’m one of the like MAYBE 3 people she actually likes. lol. nails & teeth metaphor “you’re the only one she’ll listen to” or “you’re the only one who can talk to her.” i miss her friend jaime who was an indubitably brilliant depressive semitic russian translator who never once judged my mom and they had this kind of relationship where they’d lie feet-to-head on a couch and just chat chat chat. she was my favorite of my mom’s friends. she died from cancer and self-neglect basically. bullshit. shauna’s friend alex reminded me of her the last night and i was like ugh i miss jaime. i wish my mom still had jaime!!! what am i gonna do? i have to have my own life but i have to protect my mom. stupid WASPs be like “you can’t take on your moms problems” shut the fuck up WASP you don’t know shit. other kids be rolling their moms around in wheel chairs and don’t complain you piece of individualist propaganda. nails & teeth metaphor the ignominious but resolute fighter (the progeny) lol.

so anyway this isn’t a post about my mom this is a post about henry cuz then i remembered henry lives on the west side like my mom. henry whom i’ve been on two dates with and have a major crush on. not a normal crush, a “oh you’re about to buy a horse son” level crush. and i imagined when i come to the west side, henry joining me for dinner on the days i visit my mom. not because that sounded like oh so much fun to him but because it was a way for us to spend time together. there are ppl who are married who do that kind of stuff for each other. it made me want to cry bc that would mean so much to me. this is fantasy henry not real henry but probably he would. i’ve only been on two dates with him and everyone is like avaaaaa don’t have too many expectations and like I KNOW i know i’m in it like ?? what’s the phrase? in it like jarvin? lol. besides if he dumped me i would DESERVE IT!!! i got fuckin’ KARMA to pay baby i broke more than a couple hearts the past couple years THIS IS WHAT THEY FELT LIKE?!? THEY FELT LIKE THIS?!?!?? wow FUCK

um but yeah obviously i would survive and if we break up it’s cause we’re not a match and there’s nothing *wrong* with me, duh, duhhhhh, totally notttttt a completely unhinged and slightly unhygienic individual, plus now i know what to look for - kind!!! stable!!! people!!! people i have a lot in common with!!! smart!!! part of the same world as me!!! people with a vision, a goal, passions!!! who take care of themselves!!! okay there’s gotta be lots of guys like that. so if it’s not henry FINE. but guyssssss guys i could actually see a future with him wtf was i doing before??? wowww i played so many games without realizing.

anyway so we’ve only been on 2 dates so far but i am fully smitten with him (with spells of crushing doubt) and if one more person tells me to play it cool and not have expectations i WILL bite bc bitch I KNOW can you give me SOME OTHER KIND OF ADVICE PLS i have obviously not TOLD him any of this so stop putting more pressure on me to act or feel a certain way trust me I GET IT. and i think it’s dumb this is the advice given to women anyway.

also i’m going to europe probably for an entire month and as long as i don’t lose my job i’m gonna have a fucking amazing summer. losing job doesn’t seem that plausible, however, terrifying thought, bc i’m on my own now and need the moolah. and was a little uneven the past few months but that’s just a learning lesson ig. plus there’s always more jobs. right??? right. *sailor moon handhold sparkle fx*

ok thanks for being witnesses to my online diary my friends anxietyposting on here actually kind of helps, really excited for the future, it’s amazing that i’m getting these opportunities and the reason i’m so anxious is bc i care and i have something to lose. !

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golbrocklovely · 2 months ago

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I always find your personal posts so relatable. I actually dropped out of high school because of my chronic illnesses (luckily I’m a lot healthier now) but since I was never in school consistently since 7th grade I always worry that people won’t remember me. I dropped out around when Covid became a thing and I mostly stayed inside for the last couple of years due to being immunocompromised and general anxiety but my goal for the rest of this year and next year is to try to put myself out there more because who knows? Maybe the whole reason some people I’ve seen haven’t said hi to me isn’t because they don’t remember me but they’re afraid I don’t remember them. 🤷‍♀️ it’s just so easy to forget sometimes that other people can have the same anxiety and fears that I do. But yeah I just appreciate you sharing your thoughts and experiences. <3

thank you so much. i appreciate you saying that :)

honestly, i've had a couple moments in my life that have made me realized that the little voice in my head that makes me think ppl hate me or that i'm not good enough is wrong, and it's nice to be proven that.

bc reality is, at the end of the day, most ppl are focused on themselves - which in a way is a good thing. they are so focused on their shit and what they're doing, they don't realize the things going on around them as much as some of us think they do. so if you did something embarrassing once, while it might feel like 'oh god everyone saw that and will remember it', most won't. or if you had a situation play out awkwardly, you might have been the only one that perceived it that way just bc you were in your head about it.

i've also been of the belief that most ppl are nice. most ppl try to do good, and try to be kind. most ppl aren't intentionally trying to hurt you, and i think constantly being on the defense is just a trauma response to things from the past (that's my belief about myself - not you anon lol). but applying that to you for a second - the amount of times I've seen ppl from hs over the years in passing has been once every couple months or so. but i don't take it to heart if they don't stop and say hi. it's not like they hate me now. hell, they might not even remember me - and i think that might be the case in your situation as well. not to mention, i'm not stopping to say hi to them either, and i assume that's what you're doing as well. and we're both not doing that bc it would be awkward, right? those ex classmates of ours most likely feel the same way, assuming they also remember us. ppl are so concerned with being perceived as weird or awkward that they don't allow themselves to do basic things like stop and say hi to someone - whether they know them or not.

i've tried to remind myself recently that when i go to do something, if i start to feel like 'omg i'm gonna look so dumb and stupid' - i try to envision someone else doing it and if so, would i judge them as harshly as i judge myself? it might not be the best way to go about things, but it helps. bc my existence isn't weird or awkward, and i should be fine with taking up space and doing things freely, even if they make me uncomfortable bc reality is: the only person truly judging me at all times is me. in a way, no one cares about me as much as i care about myself. but that also means i'm constantly overanalyzing everything i do.

if you're gonna be your biggest enemy, you have to be your biggest cheerleader too.

#ask #personal

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m1ckeyb3rry · 4 months ago

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Wait THE PONYS SO CUTE??? WTF?? NAME?? Also I’m crying I could be blind so correct me if I’m wrong but is that also a pile of horse shit in the middle pic but either way SHSSH SO ADORABLE those big eyes staring into my soul

AHAHA dw whenever I think abt that gif I think about you <3 but also you’re actually serving the side character community fr ykws funny I was just thinking about rereading bfb Otoya because I was somehow reminded of those expensive cupcakes

LMFOAOAAO YEAH CLOSE ENOIGH HES THAT ONE COORDINATOR CONTEST JUDGE hes indeed elderly and he’s at evened contest and his only comment is some rendition of “remarkable” LMAOOO (dw idr his name either)

Crying there’s so many hair style options they rlly had to go with the ugliest ones

When I read wc my first thought was word count then I realized that didn’t make sense and was like oh ok World Cup? And then I thought abt it again and realized that’s also wrong now ik you mean wildcard goodbye

LMAO FR Karasu with his jaw on the floor like “you didn’t want this baddie????”

YUKI LOOKED SO GOOD IN THAT STREET SOCCER PANEL??? Why didn’t they ever elaborate more on that skill in the main series though they also barely did anything with his gyro shot like HELLO?? Are we not gonna talk abt how insane that skill is I need like spinoffs for every major side character atp epitabieitaken when

No bc wc and Kunigami exploration has sm potential…Lowk I see kaneshiro getting flamed everywhere from ppl being like “this is shit guys” and uhh idk how reliable their info is bc it’s. Yk. The internet fandom. But apparently kaneshiros also focusing a lot on some really weird random other series which is why people are like “you’re writing about the wrong balls!!!” (It’s apparently called like ball girls or something?? I have no idea lowk it’s supposedly really weird from what I’ve seen in the posts I’ve scrolled past)

REAL pause you’re so right abt that it’s giving jjk culling games arc…I remember first reading that and they kept introduce relatively irrelevant (or at least imo irrelevant LMAO) side characters that we barely ever saw again or were rlly just randomly tossed in (im still salty about him never elaborating on Inumakis backstory like bro we literally got everyone except him) SO REAL he should’ve gatekept the ng11 and tbh that would’ve given more opportunities for more bllkers to actually play and evolve like with the ng11 in its like they’re too good that only the top players can keep up but it leaves no room for other people who have potential to evolve or anything like…ig that’s like half in line with bllks idea of like survival of the fittest but idk i personally would’ve enjoyed seeing more characters we alr know get developed instead of having them just be dropped off the face of the planet

Kurona was truly SO random…it makes me wonder if maybe it was just because they thought yuki didn’t fit the popular character trope enough so they shoved kurona in (from what I’ve seen kurona is way more popular than yuki I lowk dk why though) I think we just have the same brain because I literally could not care less about the u20 players (sendous spotlight should’ve just ended in the match showing how the bllkers beat him and went past what Japan had deemed to be their number one striker/ace) that ALSO would’ve given more space do develop of more characters I honestly don’t rlly vibe with how they mixed the teams like that it would’ve been interesting to see u20 as potential rivals maybe but just flat out inserting them into bllk seems weird…like they could’ve held a tournament later on after the whole bllk program to decide who from u20 stays and who else goes I just wish they gave more bllkers the chance to actually train and do shit in bllk (this rant is getting LONG)

HEVDSH it’s ok this is a Barou household not a Kunigami one

You fr just subconsciously had these parallels cooking it’s just embedded into your writing style also WAIT KARASU OLDER BRO you’re onto sth….imagine y/n’s first thought is “your hair kinda reminds me of my cousins/brothers” LMAOO reader having galvantula is fr like me grabbing one super effective pokemon against one elite four to carry me because I never catch pokemon of that type (i fr cannot remember off the top of my head which one it was but wtv) I’m crying the magikarp scam is really funny LMAOOOO

Plot twist pokemon govt is in cahoots w the evil team which is why they’re ass!! Anyways

Nagi’s growlithe rolling in the mud while chigiri and reos pokemon stare as they get groomed is so real (the mc team dynamic >>>>)

I need to go back into our convo and look and what you gave him bc I alr forgot I’m leaving this here as a mental note and I’ll come back to this but FR lowk if we’re following some of the bllk canon dynamics imagine they’re from the same town where the flying type gym is and the wanna hiori has is a product of his parents giving him a like top pedigree ducklett so he can become gym leader and then e4 and champion etc I can imagine him bumping into Karasu working with his reject pokemon and Karasu’s like damn that’s an extraordinary ducklett and hioris like I wish I could just have fun with a bunch of nice pokemon (now I’m imagining the ducklett has an attitude at first like those typical rebellious pokemon and it continues into the swanna phase until some point idk I’m getting too invested into this verse)

Ok that’s funny because I got like 80% of the way through Sun and then stopped playing LMAOO I’m already world building in my head this crossover is too peak…ok but WHO would cook their pokemon poffins I have some ideas but can’t fully pin one person

I WAS JUST THINKING THAT OTOYA COULD USE A CROAGUNK FOR TBAT PURPOSE wait I almost forgot that misty Lowk plays that role before croagunk is actually created?? Guys Tullia Otoya are just misty and Brock

NAGI AND READER IN A PERIOD DRAMA LMFAOOOOOO but REAL gotta Gatekeep to build anticipation (and to also not keep you on the grind like that your to do list would be never ending)

SHDGSHSHS crying I’ll be mentally preparing myself for more wild stories about your rizz and AWEE me fr when I scroll on tumblr and see a response to a long ass ask (our convo)

- Karasu anon

HE IS LITERALLY THE CUTEST SPARKLIEST PRETTIEST MOST ADORABLE PONY EVER literally whenever i get the chance to show him (he’s older and doesn’t leave the property where he lives anymore so we only do the shows that our barn hosts) the judges always tell me how adorable he is like he’s actually perfect (he’s also really lazy so he’s made my legs sooo strong just because of how much i have to push him along 😭) and yes that is in fact horse shit in the middle photo LMAOAO he was kept in his stall overnight so he didn’t get all gross and ruin his braids before the show 😩 his name is cloud (although he also goes by cloudie LMAAOOA that’s what i usually call him because he gives way more cloudie energy than cloud energy yk) and i literally love him sm 🤩 he’s like the polar opposite of the horse i owned in high school (he was an ex racehorse so he was HUGE) but i like not needing a step stool to groom him before my lessons so no complaints here

PLEASEEE i love how expensive cupcakes are otoya’s legacy KFFHSJA i can never walk past those overpriced whole foods cupcakes (not that i ever go to whole foods but ykwim) and not be like damn ik for a fact eita would buy those for me

HAHAHA i think he also has a program on the pokétch in oras like judging contests or smth?? iirc he’s also there in the games judging contests occasionally i just solely remember him from the pokétch but YEAH we’re thinking of the same dude skfhdjsjs

HELP if it makes you feel better i think i also use wc to refer to the world cup in a later paragraph so you weren’t too far off 😭

no because yk hollyhock karasu would definitely be like “no you don’t get it bro she’s lowkey insane” and bllk karasu would just be like “even better 😍” he is NOT going to fumble the bag

STREET SOCCER YUKI WAS SO COOL i almost wish they gave him a more rough and tumble backstory too like maybe he was from a worse area of the country and grew up just playing soccer on the street and getting in trouble until he was scouted for his good looks as a model and that plus his soccer skills were enough for him to move to a better city or something?? and once he escaped his previous situation he learned how to be super polite and kind in order to prove he’s better than his past and deserves a good life just as much as people born to it…it would also add some continuity if he MUST go crazy in NEL like it’s just him reverting to his childhood personality when put in a stressful situation instead of him randomly crashing out at isagi for no reason and then never doing anything again (with this backstory the reason why he’s chill post manshine would be a combo of him respecting isagi as well as doubling down on his efforts to remain calm and composed because the brief lapse made him feel very guilty and ashamed of himself…then an ego awakening that mirrors hiori’s [in an au where he replaces kunigami’s role in isagi’s two gun volley against pxg] is him realizing “wait i kind of NEED to be a bit of an asshole if i want to be a starter and make a true mark on the field” or something along those lines)

LMAOOO no because from what i know literally every other one of kaneshiro’s mangas besides bllk (lowkey including bllk) are batshit insane he’s kind of a weird guy lowkey 😭 honestly he’s doing a pretty good job with bllk though i don’t think it’s shit at all (especially compared to a certain manga that’s about to end atm) just there’s definitely things i would change too!! but at the end of the day it’s just an entertaining manga abt hot soccer freaks so it’s not that deep yk

100% all ng11 players should’ve been left until much later (excepting sae ofc because he’s there to serve a narrative purpose plus he introduces us to the whole ng11 concept) but anyways…as for the u20s agreed they should’ve left them all out to show how blue lock has surpassed them!! then ONLY exception is aiku (not just because of the oaeu he’s genuinely a good player) i would’ve liked to see him disappearing after the bllk vs u20s match (maybe he fucks off to sweden for a vacay or smth) and then when the u20 world cup team is announced he’s on there as he’s the former captain of the u20s as well as an absolutely INSANE defensive player…maybe ego contacts him and is like “ok bro icl you’ve got mad ego even though you’re not a striker wanna join the crew and not give up on soccer for good???” ALTERNATIVELY: it turns out he has dual citizenship so after the old u20 boys are kicked out and their soccer careers are ended or whatever he disappears and then we see him again in a u20 world cup match against sweden!! this could be a match where the aiku vs barou rivalry established in the ln is settled with barou getting his get back 🤩

LMAOAAO ig my internal self knows where home is (nagi) i can’t escape him 😩 and YES THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING TOO “my cousin used to use hair products to spike his hair up too 🥹” “tf does that have to do with me 😟⁉️” and then he literally adopts her as his baby sister 😭 it allows for plenty of karasu bonding and affection without him being a second lead and complicating things…also i think he’s going to be the one to find reader w barou’s body after her houndoom kills him so that’s a parallel for sure there ☝🏻 LMAOO no literally like i still remember my first ever pokémon game i could NOT beat the champion for some reason so i literally caught a random haunter, taught it destiny bond, and revived one of my other pokémon so when the champion’s last pokémon beat my haunter i still had one pokémon left and i was able to win DKFHSJSJSN that’s the vibe galvantula gives lowkey (in all honesty that’s why i picked it…i needed smth strong against water types because so many of readers pokémon [like donphan and houndoom] are weak to them but i ALSO wanted something that was strong against dark types because of barou’s all-dark type team and i didn’t want reader to have many basic pokémon which meant all of the fairy types were basically out and that only left bug!! however bug-grass is such a shitty typing because 4x weakness to fire is just 😰 and galvantula is the only bug-electric i think so that’s what she got!! but i have such a clear picture of the final fight with galvantula against barou’s sharpedo bro i wish it could be animated because it would be so beautiful 🤩)

HAHAHA magikarp/gyarados and aegislash are tied for craziest acquisition stories (i’ll talk more about aegislash’s in a sec) but basically a fisherman convinces reader she NEEDS a water type so she’s like “oh word ok what do you have” and he’s like “trust this will evolve into something powerful” and she’s like “aight bet” and gives him a (probably rare) pokémon in exchange for a MAGIKARP (cue karasu screaming at her for ten minutes straight and her being like “no it’ll evolve 🥺” and resident pokémon expert tullia being like “uhhh magikarp are almost impossible to evolve LMAO good luck”)

okay wait that could actually go hard…the pokémon government creating the evil team in order to make themselves look better + make people who have valid criticisms of the system unable to voice those concerns (“you think people shouldn’t be thrown into pokémon training without preparation or assistance purely to survive? YOU MUST BE PART OF EVIL TEAM”) i feel like corruption is touched on but it expanded as much in the anime and games (it is a bit in the manga iirc) it could be a really cool conflict that’s a bit deeper than the typical evil team wants to end the world scenario…it also kinda explains how they were able to find and utilize barou’s body in time despite being an “underground crime organization” that shouldn’t have as much funding as they do 😰 and if we go the murder route it’s also an explanation for how someone as strong as him was killed as well as another reason WHY they murked him (couldn’t have barou as champion because barou cannot be controlled) WAIT and maybe that’s why reo’s dad is champion instead of noel noa — noa is stronger but he believes that there should be changes with the way things are done so the government is like “yeah no way you’re going to be champion” and they literally threaten him into faking a loss when he tries to become the champion because they LOVE mr capitalism mikage being the champion as he’s very easily bribed to do and say exactly what they want???

team mc’s dynamic is SO FUNNYYY especially because the nagireo codependency is nipped in the bud as reader awakens nagi’s desire to battle relatively quickly so they’re all on equal footing (except for the fact that their crew is actually reo + his sugar babies you KNOW he’s paying for everything) they definitely have their own crazy adventures while they’re apart from reader and co too…another scene i can envision is nagi challenging reader to a battle and being like “btw i caught a new pokémon” and reader’s like “oh word 😳⁉️ me too” and she releases her little joltik expecting nagi to pull up w like a zigzagoon or smth else really basic and he just casually tosses out a cleffa (i think the clefable line is canonically from the moon in-verse) so she’s like “er wtf” and from the sidelines chigiri’s just like “yeah idk we were on a mountain and there was a spaceship and all…long story, super boring” meanwhile reader and co are like UM??? and it’s just never elaborated on what exactly happened and how nagi ended up with a literal alien on his team

okay wait karasu and hiori knowing each other from their hometown would actually be hilarious as well because imagine the way the whole fossil arc starts is reader and co find a fossil pokémon (maybe hiori’s amaura/aurorus??) and they’re like WHAT THE FUCK because what even is that and then reader is like “karasu what do we do 😰” and karasu is like “WHY WOULD I KNOW” and reader’s just like “idk you just always seem to know a guy” (kind of like how dads always “know a guy” for no reason) and karasu’s about to argue back when he’s like “wait…i actually DO know a guy 😔” and then they go and find hiori and the fossil arc begins after that…no you’re so real i keep coming up with little details for the verse it’s so FUN

ORDINARILY i would say barou is the poffin baker but for obvious reasons we can’t have that…lowkey yk what would be hilarious is gagamaru doing it 😭 i can imagine him foraging for berries and concocting something that just looks INSANE and no one wants to try it so he’s lowkey a hidden secret but yukimiya swears by him (most popular baker is ness but yukimiya thinks ness’s products are more placebos than anything and insists that reader and co go to gagamaru if they ever need anything because he’ll give them the real unfiltered shit w 0 preservatives and whatnot)

WAIT LOWKEY YES tullia and otoya are exactly like misty and brock (lowkey aiku kinda gives gary oak like he WOULD pull up to research sites in a red corvette with a bunch of random cheerleaders HAHAHA it definitely makes otoya fume too because that should be HIM)

THE PERIOD DRAMA IS BASED OFF OF AEGISLASH’S POKÉDEX ENTRY where they like use hypnosis and manipulation to control people and they used to be used as protectors of royalty in the past?? so basically there’s an abandoned aegislash that really wants a trainer and it senses nagi and reader’s vibes and is like “wait they lowkey could be the ones” so it kidnaps them and puts them in this week long hypnosis where they believe they’ve been isekai’d into a world without pokémon where reader is a princess and nagi is a knight who has to retrieve a magic sword in order to win her hand and they’re like WTF is going on but they decide that the best way to escape will be playing along with the plot (clearly without chigiri reo and tabitullieita there the combined brain cell count is like. two.) so nagi goes on this quest to get the magic sword but then he comes back empty handed because he realizes that the magic sword is actually the sword stuck in the stone #kingarthur in front of the palace so he goes to pull it out but he can’t??? and then he’s going to be killed on the spot for failing and for messing with palace property (it’s actually aegislash mad that he’s not worthy because he did it for selfish reasons) so then reader runs over and manages to pull the sword from the stone in time to stop whoever’s trying to kill nagi…then the crowd goes wild and they’re like all hail the new queen (another aegislash test) but she ignores them and puts the sword away to check on nagi because that’s all she REALLY cares about and aegislash is like “hold on she cooked here she’s like not selfish and is assertive and shit” and then she wakes up in her tent with a pokéball in her hand and tabitullieita are like “hello you’ve been missing for a week???” and she’s like “wtf no i just had a really weird dream but i didn’t actually go anywhere” but then she realizes that the pokéball (which she assumed was houndoom’s since houndoom usually sleeps near her) is actually a new one which means it’s a new pokémon she somehow caught?? so she releases it and tullia’s like “wow an aegislash 😮” but READER freaks out because the aegislash is actually the sword from the “dream”…let’s just say the next rival battle w nagi is a little awkward because he also thought it was a dream and didn’t even have proof it was real until reader quite literally throws the evidence in his face 😶‍🌫️

no because i’ve already done 15 requests for bllk since may and i have 12 more left to do PLUS my own projects so i think having them closed for a bit will be good!! and HAHA i will continue to entertain both fictionally and irl 🫡 our conversations are always lengthy but always entertaining fr wouldn’t trade them for anything!!

#answered asks #pokémon au

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