#but what if. he didn't need to be saved
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i do seriously think 'regulus joins the death eaters and then kills/incapacitates voldemort and takes over' is such an under-tapped fic premise - like. it's RIGHT THERE
#forever irritated by the damsel-in-distress!regulus narratives#which i think are what are really getting in the way from exploring different things regulus can do#other than being romantically interesting to a gryffindor#i KNOW it's satisfying for other people to take care of regulus i GET IT#but what if. he didn't need to be saved#and his loved ones STILL took care of him#i need to figure out how to write like. 10-15k fics#i feel like that could solve a lot of my issues re: having too many ideas and not enough time#maybe like. 20-25k#10-15 doesn't seem like enough sfjshdkfds
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I think one of the biggest tragedies of Laios & Falin and their relationship is how much his actions impact her life. But like. Specifically how much they WOULDN’T impact her life as much if they weren’t both stuck in such a shitty abusive situation.
This part of the Falin-tries-makeup daydream hour comic is what got me thinking about it again because truly it just... it seems like such a like an offhand comment that I'm sure Laios didn't mean to be cruel or anything. That's just like. A little kid not thinking about what they are saying. ESPECIALLY when the kid in question is Laios.
But man they depended on each other SO much as kids. Too much. It really feels like they didn't have any other source of positive reinforcement, or anyone else to share themselves with. So of course an offhand comment like that has a huge impact on Falin.
Or this little bit from one of the flashbacks:
This tears me apart. Do you think it tears him apart to think about? I think it does. I think Laios holds every small failure to care for Falin against himself.
And then there's the Bigger stuff. The way that him coping with his own trauma ended up impacting her.
Like his interest in monsters. Like him going to find a ghost, and accidentally revealing Falin's magic to the whole village in the process.
Like him needing to leave. And leaving her behind.
He shaped her life so much, and he carries so much guilt for it. And again, there should have been other people there to help. The same things that made Laios need to leave home are the things that made his leaving so hard on Falin. She ate alone after that. She shouldn't have had to eat alone just because Laios wasn't there.
She was 9 when he left for school, and he was 11.
Nine. And Laios feels like he failed her because he didn't stand by her through this better. As an eleven year old.
Both of these kids deserved so much better from the world.
#dunmeshi analysis#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#falin touden#laios touden#dungeon meshi spoilers#AND this isn't even getting into her leaving the academy & how much it seems like that was directly tied to how poorly he was doing#there's a comic in the adventurer's bible where marcille is like 'yeah she had a job lined up and everything'#and like. do you think he feels bad for that too#like he wrecked her life by leaving#and wrecked her life by showing up#what do you even do at that point. if you feel like a failed protector when you are away & and a burden when you return#unable to make yourself accept. unable to make yourself resist#Laios strongest moment is when he lets himself accept that. the contradiction of his life & his relationship with Falin#that he has to kill her to save her#as a small note this came out a little more focused on Laios' POV with this stuff but Falin's experience of it is v important to me too#didn't mean to sideline her but her feelings about stuff are more speculative and probably need a post of their own
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old men
#i dont know anymore guys#didn't know what clothes to give finn so he's just wearing whatever#a family can be an old guy who lost his wife but not his passion for living. a pirate who spent half his life in prison and is scarred by it#and another old guy who doesn't remember himself or those around him and slowly losing grasp on life#and their three traumatized children. a panda. the fourth traumatized child. a little boy they kept on the ship. the ship.#the riptide crew is so funny. why are three of their people pensioners.#hopefully when they save arlin he will also join the old men polycule#technically he was already in it. they just weren't old..... i need to listen to the blackrose oneshot eugh#jrwi riptide#jrwi earl#drey ferin#finn tidestrider#my art#sketch
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ive been thinking about taco and balloon forming a little alliance post s1/ pre s2 where they'd (begrudgingly) work together planning on how to break into hotel OJ to steal stuff to take back to their makeshift camp like food, blankets, pillows, etc,,, anything that could be useful to them
#UGH TUMBLR DIDN'T SAVE MY DRAFT R U KIDDING ME WROTE A TON#ok let me go over this again as i remember#balloon ends up encountering tacos makeshift camp wandering in the woods#i like to think balloon makes close to zero noise when he walks around#kinda floats around if u will#taco figures she could use this to get balloon to sneak into hotel oj to get her stuff#well. she tells balloon its “for the benefit of both”#balloon and taco parallel eachother in so much#both of them put up a “mask” as a strategy to further into the game which lead to both of them losing all of their relationships after s1#although both of them eventually ended up feeling guilty for what they did it took taco much longer#i think their alliance worked decently well for a while but balloons guilt and need to apologize is what drove them apart#by the time of that one scene s2 ep7 where balloon goes up to apologize and has his conversation with oj they'd already drifted apart#i think I'll doodle some more stuff with them eventually im still waiting to my charger to come in the maaaailllll#all of this has probably already been pointed out but im having fun and they've been on my mind a lot lately#so#shrugs#im screaming into the void#ii taco#ii balloon#inanimate insanity
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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@orangerosebush's post here, with my comment and @fowlblue's tags today got me thinking.
Artemis Senior has been teaching his son matters of business from a young age. Not only was Artemis, at 11 years old, discussing stocks with his father, but Fowl Senior had been imparting his wisdom onto his son for years by that point, discussing the ever-increasing value of gold with him before tucking him into bed. Even outside of pure monetary value, Sr. had tried to go legitimate with his business dealings, leading Artemis to have a few legal ventures of his own.
We also see very early on in the books that Artemis has been regularly using Butler as a resource for his plots: bouncing ideas off him was apparently a fairly common tactic when he was scheming.
Both Artemis Senior and Butler are interested in (or at least, not opposed to) educating Artemis on the ways of their lifestyle(s). It would be Artemis Senior who would have taught his son the value of banks and safety deposit boxes and hidden safes but it was Butler who was actively working with Artemis to rob those safety deposit boxes.
In the same vein of breaking-and-entering, TLC also gives us the fun little moment where Butler hands Artemis his own lockpicks, to get into the workings of the bomb.
With one line we learn that Artemis knows how to pick locks, but does not have his own set of lockpicks. Butler, on the other hand, has both the tools and knowledge how to use them. Partnered with a brief mention in TTP of some the specific trades of those previously employed by Artemis Senior (including such things as crime lords, insider traders, and cat burglars), we can extrapolate that Artemis Senior would generally hire someone to pick a lock for him, rather than do so himself.
It's pretty logical to conclude then that Artemis learned big-picture management from his father, and day-to-day skillsets from his bodyguard.
Essentially, Artemis Senior taught Artemis how to run a criminal empire. Butler taught Artemis how to be a criminal.
#artemis fowl#artemis senior#domovoi butler#and this doesn't even get into the aliases butler has!#he clearly has a lot of his own but then Artemis ALSO gets some#'what's our cover' 'i thought Stephan Baskir and his uncle Constantin'#Artemis Sr put his own damn name on the boat he was using to get cola to russia#you know damn well *he* didn't encourage Arty to hide his identity#(i'm not getting into the needs of artemis to hide his identity due to being a child and wanting respect afforded an adult in these tags#that's a rant for a different time)#there's such a prevalent theme of a Fowl saying 'i want X' and their Butler saying 'i know a guy'#(like 80% of the time the Butler would be The Guy but there's that other 20% where having extra contacts would be helpful)#we see it when Artemis asks Butler to make certain arrangements for capturing Holly and then again getting the mirrored contacts#we see Butler arranging car rentals or drivers and apparently needing to do so quite frequently#yet in TTP Sr just says he'll casually take a limousine where he needs to go#it's probably such a huge part of the Fowl-Butler dynamic to have someone who can actually perform all the necessary minutiae of daily crim#or at least know how to or know someone who knows how to#aaaaand now i'm thinking of how the Butlers are essentially disposable#sure death is a thing but how many Butlers were imprisoned for the sake of saving their Fowl the same fate#if someone's gotta take the fall for a crime it might as well be the person who'd take a bullet for the other#once you've already agreed to be on the wrong side of the law and accepted that you may give up your life (physically) for someone#what's taking it a step further and agreeing to give up your life (metaphorically) by languishing in jail for 10-80 yrs
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These fanon Tim Drake takes/fanfictions that paint him as the ultimate victim during the Morrrison era were always annoying, but if you're looking for a character to write fix it fanfictions about because they got abandoned by their family when they went through a lot of losses and lost themselves in the process, ran away from everything and only had the batfamily try to bring them back home ages after they had already run away and only after first blaming the kid and then not prioritizing bringing that kid back, then Damian from 2018 to 2020 is right there?
Where are my 1000+ fanfictions about that?
#damian wayne#seriously#nobody in the batfamily gave a fuck when Damian stopped living with Bruce to be with his Teen Titans team#Damian losing Dick then Jon and then Alfred got retconned in as his reasons to turn dark only at the end of the book#when DC finally realized that maybe turning Damian into their next big bad/baby Hitler is freaking stupid#after city of bane they tried to blame Alfred's death on Damian even though he had just been following orders#Alfred had also been absolutely not been helpful during their last conversation cob and compared him to Ra's#All these things people project onto Tim for some reason actually happened to Damian and I don't see tons of fanfictions about that#on top of that the only character that ever apologized for letting him down was Bruce but in ways that pretty much still blamed Damian#I'm sorry you felt the need to save Alfred alone#you asshole ordered him to become a hostage and told him Alfred had gotten away. Damian didn't try to save Alfred alone.#I never blamed you for Alfred's death. Yes you did you refused to comfort him when he ran away crying from the wake#and a hallucination of Alfred confirmed you held him failing to stop Bane from killing Alfred against him#like what the hell#all the mistreatment people think Tim went through happened to Damian yet nobody cares
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i think of every asshole moment mike's had the past 2 seasons but then i remember the reasons beneath it all
#'ur justifyi--' justify my balls#i'm not saying he was right#i'm saying he's a closested gay boy in the 1980s in a smalltown raised by parents with conservative and traditional views#i'm saying he's dealt with severe bullying and it's destroyed his self esteem#i'm saying the girl that finally didn't judge him literally 'died' in front of him at 11 leaving him traumatized#i'm saying because of all that destruction to his self esteem he now feels only useful in life if hes saving others#i'm saying he has no family support system due to its lack of emotional connection#i'm saying his parents have zero respect for his interests or what makes him him#he's complex#and just needs SOMEONE to get him to open up#he doesn't do these things for no reason at all#s5 pls come sooner#the mike wheeler stans need you#mike wheeler#byler
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the thing that really gets me about how bad the writing for rook in particular is is that it would take so little effort to make it better. and it would probably make the writers' jobs a lot more interesting, too. you should be able to piss off your companions. in every other dragon age, you can piss off your companions. you can piss them off so badly that they try to kill you. if you just sort of fail to impress people one way or another in da2, you can end up having to fight your best friends to the death, or have one of them peace out after prompting an invasion of your city. the ability to have conflict with your companions wasn't always handled WELL (trying to talk to cullen about mage rights in dai comes to mind, as does trying to talk to dorian about slavery beyond the one conversation), but the option was there. it seems like the only way you can piss off your companions here is by making tactical disagreements they don't like. there's no room to have a personality some of your companions find off-putting, even though there are multiple points where your companions are put off by one another. purple hawke we're so not back. and the reason can't be "well you had to be someone varric would choose," because varric's best friend was hawke and there can be very many different kinds of hawke.
you're given a fascinating backstory and it will not come up beyond occasional comments relevant to your faction. mourn watch rook why does your backstory almost never come up i would tell people that story all the time. it's like dming for a player who came up with the most rich backstory you've ever seen and then watching them ignore it every time you dangle plot hooks in front of them. bioware do you remember what you wrote. bioware u good???? the sanitization of various factions aside because that's its whole own post, it would be so easy to give a dialogue here and there where rook could show more of what sort of rook they are by letting them reflect on their backstory. it would be so easy to write aggressive answers that are actually aggressive.
i've spent enough time in editing that i've just been trying to figure out if there's any possible motivation beyond a lack of investment in their own story, or a shocking paucity of good editors in their work environment. is it because the way they designed the game necessitates that everyone be there at the end? but you can still fuck up the ending by making the wrong choices there, à la me2, and you were allowed to piss people off in me2. if you can get people killed at the end anyway, why not let the choices you made and the responses you chose matter beyond "did you do enough sidequests?"
at a certain point, it's just confusing. they know how to do this, even if they don't always do it well. the lack of any real room for agency or personality or conflict is just... odd. this is also leaving aside how easy it would have been to incorporate SOME past choices from past games per their previous work. bioware i just want to talk
#datv#dragon age: the veilguard#datv spoilers#dragon age#don't get me wrong i enjoy the game#it has fun combat and pretty colours and i enjoy what IS there of the companions#but i'm also acutely aware as i finish a second playthrough of just how bad the writing is compared to the other games#(and the other games certainly did not always have great writing in every case)#it's just so strange and hollow#i didn't notice it the first time because i was playing a very nice rook#so i noticed that the romance was a little underwhelming but that was about it#this time trying to play a cold bitchy unsettling rook i realized there is absolutely no way to do that whatsoever#this goes beyond the 'it doesn't matter what your inquisitor's personal faith is they WILL be referred to as the herald of andraste' thing#this rook essentially has the same personality as my first rook because they really only wrote one personality for rook in the end#this rook is on good terms with pretty much the whole of the team just like the last rook because so long as you do sidequests you will be#there's SOME variation depending on plot choices you make but really not that much#if you choose taash for the big construct she throws a rock#if you choose davrin for the big construct he throws a rock#if you choose emmrich for the big construct HE throws a rock#did you save minrathous or treviso? doesn't matter end battle's in the same place#there is schoolwork i desperately need to focus on this weekend but here i am preoccupied with how genuinely baffling#bioware's writing choices are#why do all this work to set things up and then decide 99% of it is irrelevant#datv critical#bioware critical
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Shigaraki/Tenko wanting to destroy the false sense of peace All Might and Heroes created
.⬇️.
Shigaraki/Tenko wanting to destroy everything that lead to the existence of that house, which he conceptualizes as the embodiment of rejection and injustice in the world. Be a Hero for the Villains.
.⬇️.
AFO basically literally created that house
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Shigaraki/Tenko helps defeat AFO
.⬇️.
Deku telling him 'you already destroyed it' is... apparently Shigaraki/Tenko having finally gotten rid of the true cause of (his) rejection and injustice? main antagonist's big problem that represents an overarching major issue of the story/in-universe society... solved? (main antagonist's big problem that represents an overarching major issue of the story/in-universe society not actually being the problem he thought it was but now also solved?)
.⬇️.
No longer a need for there to be a Hero for the Villains, Shigaraki/Tenko dies.
.⬇️.
Heroes not to be blamed in the first place. also fuck everyone else and all other 'actual' outcasts I guess.
#i understand that Tenko not having 'supposed' to be rejected doesn't mean the rejection didn't occur for the other League members#but taking that away from Tenko/Shigaraki - leader of the League of Villains - wanting to be their champion#symbolically being their collective grievances and wills condensed into one#taking that away makes the story a lot weaker#GOD what happened#nalslastworkingbraincell#honestly making everything AFO's fault#and making Tenko's main issue being his despair toward himself (created by AFO)#allowed for the (seemingly for now) clean resolution of 'get rid of the both of them' possible#It's AFO's fault? Kill him! Problem solved#Tenko's issue not actually *harm caused by other (non-AFO) people* but instead *harm caused by his self-conceptualization/his own self*?#Tenko's projecting his own self-loathing and anger onto the world and causing trouble for everyone and making his crusade meaningless?#let him die too. Pity but problem solved!#AFO gave him the specific quirk that was Decay because it was such a brutal and deadly quirk that would guarantee rejection#you cannot tell me he could've been fine after manifesting Decay if only AFO wasn't there to tell him he has an innate need to destroy#not after what we've seen of Shinsou and Toga#other 'normal' people would not have let him live a normal life#that *is* also very much a problem that should be addressed#but it was AFO who gave him Decay and Decay was also actually not naturally existing#so everything's fine! no changes for anyone!#all this could've been saved if this was transferred to AFO - AFO also seen as a victim of societal apathy#especially since he was BORN A TRASH RIVER RAT ORPHAN#but he's just a lonely guy who was too unpleasant to form real relationships#so. only real issue Hero Society ever had that needed to be addressed was civilians being too hard on Heroes#gotta love them more and demand less of them#yippee
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dante can swim, right? theres' no wauy the Royal Solarian Staff would let their king go his whole life not knowing such a lifesaving skill JUst cuz it's a desert doesn't mean there aren't pools!!! he has to know they HAD to have taught him there's no way he's stepping on a cruise ship surrounded by water while UNable to swim what if he falls in?!? he's not gonna float that's furr sure look at his muscle density and lack of fat the man's gonna sink like cement
#i am imagining dante in his little sooley themed inflatable tube (for his safety)#didn't they bring this up in the anniversary event? something like... dodging the question when someone asked if dante could swim#please it would be so funny to bully him some more#but i also sincerely want him to be able to swim like pleaaassssa#i need someone else to be the easy target for unable-to-swim-bullying#who wouldn't know how to swim? uhhhhhh#...can it be kuya? i know it's a stupid idea and he can easily save himself from the water in other ways#but he hates getting his fur we t.... so......#eiden gonna be out here talking about his lifeguard part-time job while saving all the drowning clan members#olivine floats naturally he does not need to swim (but also he is water territory baby so i'm not worried about him)#if i throw yaku and garu into the water#will they turn into wet animal versions of themselves? and they'll jsut know what to do? tread water and all that?#blade doesn't swim. he just propels himself.#so he could be standing perfectly upright in the water. but still moving toward you at rapid speed#like a tree. translating on the z axis. through the water. rapidly approaching your location#actually blade could probably also become water jetpack#he just propels himself out of the water and does acrobatics in the air LOL#anyway. i'm just worried about dante. there's no way he has such a glaring hole in his skill set#...right?#nu carnival dante
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ok for the sake of being true to canon the valg prince possessing Dorian did get scared of Manon and retreated for a few moments allowing the real Dorian to finally gain control.
And what did my man do? You'd think he'll ask for help or something along these lines, but nope. The only moments of freedom he had he used to rizz up the witch I mean priorities right???
#booklr#books and reading#throne of glass#manon blackbeak#tog#dorian havilliard#manon x dorian#manorian#dorian u had precious moments and what did u do with that???#find your future queen is what you did#that was so hot of him really#no wonder manon fell for that this man is something else completely#but at least she knew he could be saved so it's good?#mission accomplished???#manon and dorian's relationship was insane okay#no wonder they're the more kinky / hands on pair in the books#every time they're together they just can't keep to themselves???#sharing a tent? yeah that's perfect for them they don't even need two bed rolls#honestly even on the ship dorian was casually going to manon's room to either rile her up while's all chained and leave her there for 24#hours and finished what he started the next night#he was so cruel for that tbh#he knows exactly how to make her beg and he didn't spare a moment
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do you have any plans for snaptooth or flywhisker, ever since I saw that fake map I've fallen in love w flywhisker lmao
You know, for the longest time I've been planning to have Snaptooth and Flywhisker be adopted kits of Toadstep and Lionblaze, but I'm writing an SE rework for Nightcloud right now and I have a temptation.
I found a good moment to send off Snapstorm, the best friend of Brushblaze, as a complication of a boar hunt gone wrong. It's right around the time that Brushblaze's kits are being born, and something feels odd about the fact he didn't name any of his kits after someone who was by his side for his entire life. SO I'm thinking about shuffling Snaptooth over to HIS litter.
Which leaves Flywhisker over in ThunderClan.
Lionblaze is the adopted father of Dovewing and Ivypool... and his terrible parenting caused Dovewing to leave ThunderClan, and Ivypool to be permanently traumatized. He breaks up his false mateship with Cinderheart to go be with the cat he really loves, Toadstep, and Flywhisker is adopted after being found abandoned.
Lionblaze's destruction of the ThunderClan family tree has been undone; so now he would only have three children. Ivy, Dove, and Fly. I like it, because Fly is growing up with all the expectations of being Firekin, but also holding the knowledge that her loving father... wasn't always the best, to her older sisters.
It would be cool if Fly was always a little bit of a rebel, and found a really good friend in WindClan. I could work her into the conflict of TBC better too, being accused of being in a HalfClan relationship when the truth is that Snaptooth is more like a brother to her. Then, of course, have them leave the Clans together.
Brushblaze's litter would be Snaptooth, Smokehaze, and Galerunner... and so, Galerunner would be left alone after his brother leaves permanently with Flywhisker.
But I'm still unsure. It's a big change, because I'd been planning for Fly and Snap to remain siblings in BB. But it does seem to work better, thinking about it...
#Especially since I didn't need BOTH Snap and Fly in that role#Fly can do everything with Twig and have all the complicated feelings all on her own#and something seems very painful about the idea that Lion put his heart and soul into spoiling his youngest daughter#desperate to make up for what he did to dove and ivy#...Only for him to be unable to save her from the Impostor's treatment.#Since he himself is a target for being halfclan#For Fly he did nothing wrong. He tried so hard. He thought he had improved and he did#and it wasn't enough...#And TOADSTEP meanwhile is going to be fucking PISSSSEDDDD#Because Thorn is dead. Spiderleg is taking his roles#And SPIDERLEG is who was causing the troubles that ultimately caused Fly to decide that she was going to leave with Snap#Once again his shitty dad is taking everything from him#Something about this feels like it works Better for Fly to be targeted by the imposter and also the only member of her litter#better bones au#BB!TBC#BB!Flywhisker#BB!Snaptooth
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wait a minute
stop.
stop it.
#bnha#bnha manga spoilers#mha spoilers#mha 423#I didn't hate this chapter before that#but now I am#because this is just cruel level of REMEMBER THIS?????#yes. I do remember this. I rewatched and reread this arc VERY recently#so... he killed Kurogiri with a punch like the one he did in USJ and again to save Izuku#I don't care honestly.#I reread this chapter and I cried again bc I REALLY refused to believe that Kurogiri died then#but he did with a death words to Shirakumo's friends and recall of old chapters#even if people want Tenko alive I doubt that Kurogiri will ever materialize again#and I'm deadly serious when I say that this is the worst part of this chapter#I worried for Kurogiri's existence ever since it was revealed that Shirakumo is in there#but that literally took FIVE YEARS TO APPEAR AGAIN HAVING AN IMPORTANT ROLE#and he left while crumbling just like Tomura's body before Katsuki hit him#and the last thing he thought about was about protecting Tomura even though he was partly Shirakumo's dead corpse appearing more and more#even Mic now understood that it's really is him in a way ending his arc from back in Tartarus with Aizawa#and you know what's worse??? TOMURA KNOWS THIS#the way he used “...........” with Kurogiri's name while the page literally showed his black smoke disappearing was heartbreaking before#it's worse now#like... okay he's dying too and he doesn't even know if spinner is ALIVE or not and he saw Kurogiri disappear#all while protecting him from harm one last time#AND WE STILL HAVE NO FUCKING FLASHBACKS OF HIS TIME WITH TOMURA OUTSIDE OF WHAT WE HAD IN MANGA#I'm getting more and more furious by the minute HAHA#I need to find that one sketch I did way back in 2019 with them after spoilers of Kurogiri in Tartarus#I NEED SOMETHING LIKE THAT NOW AND I CAN'T DRAW#I want to just curl up and cry myself to sleep like a 13 y.o that found out the bird that she looked after died while she was sleeping#kurogiri
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what i wish people would also explore more when it comes to Percy is the other side of his feelings about his mom about family and his childhood but this fandom is too afraid to paint Sally even in the slightest bad light (even if it's not bad just acknowledging her flaws because she's a human being and not perfect) that no one will touch on that subject. like yes Sally is the best mom but she also isn't and that's the thing! She isn't perfect! but she tried her best but her best still got Percy hurt and it isn't her fault at all but that's the tragedy of it. i want Percy's feelings about this explored. how he grew up with a loving mom but an abusive step father. how his step father would humiliate him and call him stupid but then his mom soothed him and told him he's not the things Gabe calls him. how Gabe would hurt him and Sally would be there to make him happy and loved but at the same time she stayed with him. i want Percy's feelings explored about how he knows his mother loves him but her absence still hurt him. she would work so much to have money to raise him she did that for him but at the same time it meant Percy was left alone or with Gabe. Sally gave up so much for him, she sent him away to protect him but at the same time he was sent away from his mom. she's the only parent he has because his father is absent and Gabe is not actually a parental figure at all but she's also often absent in his life too and that must have left him with such mixed feelings because it's not all black and white! Sally's love protected him but also hurt him. Percy loves his mom so so so much but there's also this deep-seated bitterness and hurt and anger he never let himself feel and then the guilt for having those feelings because his mom loves him he knows that and she gave up so much for him and she married a monster that abused her to protect him, he knows that but it doesn't make it hurt any less. the mess his emotions are because he knows his mom suffered for him and did it from her love for him but he still desperately wishes she never married that monster that he wouldn't have to have the childhood he had with him that he wouldn't have to live with the trauma he was left with. this all is exactly what makes their relationship so fascinating and also heartbreaking.
or the idea of Percy having weird mixed feelings after Estelle is born because that's his little sister and he loves her with his whole heart and would do anything for her and wants only the best for her but there's also this little jealous monster deep down that wonders why she gets to have a loving mom and a loving dad and a happy normal life but he never got that. why does she deserve it but not him? why couldn't he have that too? doesn't he deserve that too? he was just a child too so why why why??? and then the guilt of feeling that way too it makes me want to scream. emotions are fucking messy and they can be really ugly and they can make you hate yourself and there's no way Percy's feelings aren't a mess when it comes to this and i want to see it explored so badly!
and with Sally too! her feelings about Percy because she did so much and tried her best but sometimes unfortunately your best isn't good enough and it still got her beloved son hurt and she hates it and feels so guilty but she just has to live with that but she can't help to wish it was different. that their lives would be different. better. normal. she can't help but to wish she didn't have to do the things she's done, didn't have to suffer so much just to protect her child. can't help to wish she didn't have to worry so much, didn't have to be so scared about Percy, didn't have to be terrified that one day he won't come back home to her, that she won't be able to hold her son anymore because he will be gone, she just wishes he didn't have to suffer so much, she just wishes and wishes and wishes
and i just wish people weren't so afraid to explore this because it's so heartwrenching and yes if you want something do it yourself but unfortunately i cannot write nor am i able to handle this topic in a way it deserves so i am left only with rambling about it on here thank you
#i am not trying to victim blame or anything i love Sally and she did her best and didn't deserve any of the crap life gave her#but there's just something so tragic about the fact that she married a vile man and suffered abuse to protect her son#just for her decision to hurt him anyways just in a different way but the only other option would probably be Percy ending up dead#so she can't really truly regret it but she just wishes those weren't their only options#that she didn't have to do this just so that her child could stay alive#thinking about it makes me go feral#they had no choice but to suffer there was no way for their lives to be without this much hurt and trauma and it's terrible#and they didn't deserve it but there was so much love too#but the horrible thing is that that love just wasn't enough to save them from all that pain and i need to be sedated bye#percy jackson#sally jackson#pjo#hoo#percy and sally#percy jackon and the olympians#whatever you do don't think about a six years old lonely Percy sitting in a corner waiting for his mom to come back home from work#and he knows she loves him but he misses her so much when she spends so much time in work and that hurts#don't think about a ten years old Percy being sent away to a boarding school and he knows his mom loves him#but what if she's sending him away because he's just too much? or not enough? and what if she doesn't want him anymore?#and he knows that's not true but what if?#i'm thinking it#okay i think that's enough
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True love is "When he isn't horrible to her, she's horrible to herself for him..."
Siege and Storm- Chapter 21
What exactly is the purpose of this extempore performance, outside of reminding Alina he doesn't want to have anything to do with her and keep her on her toes, attempting to gauge his next mood swing?
Five seconds earlier: it has to be my way! - Now: I don't care.
*purposefully pointedly ignores Alina*
THIS is the last place I wanna be. *leaves without permission*
And with this tiny interaction Alina loses all her previous spirit, ending up emotionally drained and in tears.
Classic home abuser behaviour.
But hey- if he disappears quickly enough, there will be no consequences to his negligence. It's not like his victim will let anyone hold him responsible now that he reminded her how she cannot imagine to exist without him.
Honey, this might be THE exception.
This would be an interesting angle to explore, if they were twins or very close siblings, who were forced to depend on each other all their lives through some unique traumatic experience.
This way it's just plain boring nurtured codependence, with Alina getting the shorter straw.
You don’t care what happens to Mal ... *singsongs* I wish it were truuueee!!!
And I wish this would be a sudden emotional outburst of a wounded girl, not a part of a pattern of Alina expecting the worst for no reason.
But is this really the life you want for him? Ehm, Alina's not his mother. She's not his caretaker. She has no responsibility for him and his actions. That's all on Malyen.
So much bullshit in a single paragraph.
Malyen's purpose was supposed to be Alina's protector. Except he never even tried to do the job. If he's a soldier, he should be following his leader, not making scenes. Except for him Alina's not a person worth respect, she's always just his inconsequential girlfriend for him.
I wonder what would happen to him under ordinary circumstances (read: Nobody tiptoeing around to spare her feelings.).
Would he get away with drunkenness? Fistfights? Spreading rumours about his officer? Missing watch? Neglecting other duties of his station? Turning up unpresentable to accompany his superior?
All of his unhappiness stems from inability to respect Alina both as a leader and a person.
Am I to feel sorry for him?!
While I ~could~ understand Alina's fear of wanting more*- even though she is driven by shame- her greatest concern shouldn't be she might be truly seen by her loved one of choice. Unlike family, relationships formed by people, who simply want to be together should be about acceptance and treasuring each other's company. Not moulding one's self into what the other one wants.
_____
* Unlike Ms. Bardugo I know great power doesn't mean corruption, it's how you use it that matters.
#Grishaverse#S&S Chapter 21#Malyen Oretsev#Alina Starkov#Nikolai Lantsov#The Darkling#self centred and paranoid#What if/AU/...#grishanalyticritical#meme#Siege and Storm#Grisha trilogy#V#books#quotes#Leigh Bardugo#anti Mal#anti Malina#anti Leigh Bardugo#them: Alina was greedy and Mal wanted to save her from it.#me: Alina is an unreliable narrator#but even if the amplifiers truly changed her personality#they didn't have an impact on Malyen's attitudes towards her.#He treated her like shit because she didn't cater to his every need anymore.
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