#but what frustrates me with this particular character is that a lot of the motivations and choices are frequently grossly misrepresented

[zareleonis]

it sucks loving a character who is widely hated but also mostly probably definitely deserves the hate 😔

[humanpurposes]

There isn't any point to this, I'm just ranting.

Lately, posting fanfiction feels like screaming into the void.

This isn't to say I'm not grateful for those who do interact with my posts. Since I've started posting fanfiction I've gone through phases of having a lot of motivation, having little motivation. Phases of comparing how many notes I get compared to someone else, then reminding myself why I started writing fics in the first place, because I can do exactly what I want with something I write. And I so appreciate all the comments, likes, kudos and reblogs I get on my fics.

There can be a whole load of different reasons why engagement in fandom lately has been not great. Season 2 being a mess, toxicity and petty drama within the fandom, dwindling attention spans, general disinterest in HotD and ASOIAF. I get it. I haven't felt particularity inspired by the latest season, I'm not very 'Tumblr sociable' and tend to stick to a few mutuals, I also haven't been interested in reading as much fanfiction for a few months.

And if someone doesn't want to interact with me or my content, for whatever reason, that's their business and it's completely valid. I don't write to hit a certain number of notes or followers. I write because I enjoy it. I started posting because I thought there might be a few people out there on the internet who might like what I was doing. In a way I have found that, and I know I wouldn't have stuck with writing this long if I hadn't started posting. But I won't lie and say it isn't disheartening when you get nothing or very little back after putting a lot of time and thought into a chapter.

And on top of that, some comments are just... the worst. What goes through someone's head that they feel the need to read a fic they don't like, comment all the reasons why they didn't like it, AND insult a writer who has posted this FOR FREE. We're all doing this as a hobby. The fact that fanfiction is public is not an open invitation to criticise, all you're doing is discouraging people from sharing their works or writing altogether, which damages our community. Fanfiction is not content simply there for you to consume. It's a pure form of creativity (in my opinion), because it doesn't come from necessity or obligation. If you don't like what you're reading, stop reading it. Find something else, or go write a hateful review of an actual book on Goodreads because at least that author got paid.

Or even just people being so stubborn about their dislike of certain characters. I can't tell you how sick I am of people taking the existence of Alys Rivers so personally in fics. Or wishing death upon characters that are clearly central to the plot or main relationship in a fic (why are you reading an Aemond fic if you hate Aemond)??? This fandom can only operate in extremes, apparently. There's no room for nuance or emotional complexity and it's frustrating when someone projects that on a fic.

I don't really have a point to this. Read what you want. Read the tags first. Reblog posts to keep them alive. Ask writers about their fics and OCs. Be nice to people.

[lesbianphan]

The Myth of Sisyphus and PHILosophy (lol) - a brief essay on two nerds playing a game that might not be that deep but hey who's gonna stop me from pushing this boulder up the hill of writing this?

Disclaimer: it's finally my turn to use my useless degree that included a lot of literary analysis for something extremely important to society: analyzing Dan and Phil content!!! yay!!! This is about to be incredibly nerdy and waffly, but like what else are you doing with your time anyway on phannie tumblr?? (pls read it, I just reread Camus for this for the first time in years okay I'm dedicated to my craft)

"The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy." Albert Camus

As a part of Camus' essays on absurdist philosophy, The Myth of Sisyphus deals with the pointlessness of existence, through retelling the story of the greek myth about the titular character who, as a punishment for defying Death, was condemned to spend eternity pushing a boulder up a hill just to watch it fall back down. That may sound bleak, such is the futile nature of getting up every day and doing tasks, after all.

However, that's not really what the essay conveys. As the quotation provided in the beginning shows, Camus' takeaway about the myth of Sisyphus isn't about how easy it would be to take the option of not engaging at all with the repetitive tasks that make life what it is, or even focusing on how disappointing this pointlessness is. It's about how the journey of getting up everyday and motivating yourself to hit the peak of the hill is all there is to life, really. The absurd conclusion is, ultimately, that pushing the boulder up the hill everyday is what true revolt against the senselessness of the universe is. If there is no reason, we make the reason by climbing up with our rock everyday.

We choose to be happy every day and appreciate our rock, our hill, our existence as a whole. We choose to believe Sisyphus is happy, and, as disappointing at it may sound at first, it's worth it to live your existence, as long as you decide to appreciate your present more than your future (the destination, that elusive peak of the hill).

In Dan's words, you decide to have "just one good night" together every night on tour, you appreciate the journey of climbing out of that mental health hole again. You climb up that hill again and again, because it's worth it, and there are things - bigger than yourself or your personal boulder or even your destination, - that are worth fighting for every day. You embrace the void, and have the courage to exist today, not tomorrow atop the hill.

As Camus' Myth of Sisyphus was, admitedly, one of the inspirations behind We're All Doomed (and it shows!), it makes it even more intriguing to inquire about how much of their reactions to that particular game about Sisyphus informs their perspectives on the world and their personal philosophies.

As a disclaimer, I must add: I don't claim to know Dan and Phil personally, and I only have acess to the parts of them they decide to share, the performing side of them. So, quite obviously, I can be fully off the mark on this one. Still I think it's interesting to dive into, if not for accuracy, at least for better understanding of the personas they portray online, and how their worldviews bleed into it.

The first big point a lot of people brought to the table is the shift in Dan's philosophy ever since writing and performing We're All Doomed and (most likely) a lot of therapy and work on himself over the years. Gone are the days of existential crises being treated as a joke, or mental health in general being discussed without care for what the audience may take from it. During the video, it's quite apparent that he tries very hard to mantain that voice of reason (sometimes breaking it out of frustration, which is fair!), to somehow guide us into an understanding of what this philosophy means to him personally and to his self-proclaimed magum opus WAD.

This is relevant, of course, insofar as this becomes the thesis of the video, silly gameplay and jokes aside. So I couldn't not mention it here, as it's extremely noticeable and commendable of him to now have a different kind of perspective towards the topic of mental health, in this more mature era of their content. You can tell it's relevant to him to try to get the point of the myth across, in a way that tells his audience, as much as it tells himself, that giving up isn't a choice. You must keep pushing that boulder and you must believe that Sisyphus is happy, and so will you be during that journey up the hill. Even when it falls down again and you meet frustration, you pick yourself back up and keep trying to enjoy the present once again.

Secondly, regarding Dan's behavior during the gameplay, it's notable that he gets extremely frustrated when the boulder falls down (who wouldn't?). However, he always tries to catch it and put it back in the path upwards, instead of throwing his hands and giving up like Phil seems to do. This shows, very loosely, how he handles frustration in his own life: trying to fix things and get them right on path again. It's sometimes the most difficult choice to make, but it's extremely corageous to just keep trying in face of extreme frustration. We've seen it all over gaming videos, but also on his own personal projects getting shut down, and Dan still insisting on carrying on creating things that are personal to him, even in face of rejection.

Phil, however, seemed to give up out of frustration extremely easily, so much so that Dan kept pointing it out how he'd let go of the controls and let it happen. It might not mean much, but since he himself claims he gives up on things that are too difficult, it might just be an aspect of his personality to literally let go in face of things he perceives as impossible to achieve.

It is also notable that when he made a mistake, no matter how competitive they usually are on the surface, Phil decided to ask Dan for help, or try to tag out entirely and hand it over. This may not only be related to frustration, but also to knowing how to ask for help, and also a belief that Dan is "the strongest one out of both of us" and he will be there always to help (quite adorable). Dan's tenacity in front of difficult situations is a great complement to Phil's anxious eagerness to hand over the controls when things get overwhelming.

It's interesting to point out how their personal worldview influenced their gameplay as well. Dan was focused, sharp, driven to get to the top of the mountain by keeping in complete control of the boulder at all times. He held on tight to the challenges and kept going, and he wasn't afraid to run back and catch himself enough to try again. Phil's style showed something very interesting about him that is notable in gaming videos in particular: Phil's propensity for making little goals and celebrating the little things in the path to a goal.

Getting through one obstacle that was once difficult is enough to make Phil seem content with his progress. He celebrates every little step of the journey and, in that way, it's easier for him to appreciate it naturally. He's focused on the little tasks more than the big picture, and that makes the experience more enjoyable. His goals shift, of course, as they progress through the level, and the difficulty ramps up. Even so, he's still more likely to point out that's the farthest they've gotten and, hey look at this ramp, let's get through this ramp and then we've won, because that's my goal right now, and that's enough to make me happy in the present.

This counterbalances Dan's more bleak outlook wonderfully as well. While Dan is focused on making it to the top of the hill, and gets extremely discouraged seeing there's a lot more ahead they'll never get to experience, Phil's view is that they got through that one challenge and, surely, next time they'll get through one more, and so on and so forth. Focusing on smaller things is, ultimately, a good way of finding happiness in the process of pushing up that boulder.

Moreover, Phil's brief comment about how you could "make up little stories in your head" is also extremely telling of the kind of person he is. As Camus' philosophy claims: the only way to live with an absurd world is by living through it and learning what it means to be happy in a world that doesn't make sense. In Phil's mind, a bearable way to get through the harrowing experience of every day existence is making up stories, which matches up with his creative mind. Art and creation are indeed things that can make life worth living, and it seems that even subconsciously, that's the path he'd choose against the pointlessness of repetition. The joy of creation is, certainly, and extremely human and beautiful way to find meaning in life.

The most interesting point I'd like to raise, though, is how they got through that game together: as much as Dan accused Phil of distracting him, it was interesting to see that he didn't notice that's entirely the point. The boulder falling down is nothing compared to the stories we share, the conversations we make. What is important is the journey you take, and hearing about your best friend's weird school inter-sports anecdotes, even if you have to start over because you got distracted.

And that's entirely the point I'd like to leave this of with: pushing up that boulder is only worth it if you learn to live, if you learn to love, if you learn to enjoy the present moment, instead of focusing on that ever elusive destination. Therefore, what makes not only the video interesting, but also the game bearable at all, is their interaction with each other. Much like in life as partners, Dan and Phil would, obviously, climb that hill together. They would find the joy in the little moments together, laugh, yell, get frustrated, pick each other back up again in moments of frustration, and keep going up that hill together.

The only way to live is if one imagines Sisyphus happy. The only way to exist is if you decide that, no matter what, you'll create your own meaning. The only way is to find joy in the now instead of later. The only way to make those grueling day to day tasks happy and fun, is by choosing hapiness. Dan and Phil have, in every sense, decided to keep climbing up that hill of existence together. It may be slow and clumsy and loud at times, but it's their own experience. Ultimately, the only way to experience that gaming content is by imagining Dan and Phil are happy to make it for us, and that we can all share a little bit of our hill in moments of laughter and community. That's what makes life worth it in the end.

A/N: this may be the weirdest thing I've ever done, pls accept me for who I am, thank!

[spotlightlowlife]

Make Charlie and Lucifer PROUD rulers of the PRIDE RING

Charlie is a princess, so Lucifer is pretty much a king, so why not establish this?

There is nothing that tells us that this guy even runs this particular region of the entire realm he created.

Where is his palace?

His grande entrance was walking into the hotel his daughter owns that we haven't even explored.

Who bought Princess Charlie her own hotel?

Where is the boasting? Any ostentatious showcases of high status that would be normal for even well intentioned rich people? Being rich, flash and used to a lot of freedom can easily create someone who doesn't know best but is adamant that they do, no matter how silly they end up looking and how frustrating they can be, even when meaning well.

Hell is Lucifer's territory that he created and gives exterminator angels, who are nobodies, free reign of whilst he has a key to the door and seat at the house in heaven.

Lucifer hates the sinners so his lack of leadership and agreement to their genocides are spiteful acts - so let him be proud of his hateful ways, especially if it won't matter.

Charlie's issues with daddy, what we l got sold, was simply not giving her what she wanted the very moment she wanted it, that's what their episode boiled down to because honestly, what did her flashback have to do with anything? She's a grown woman who remembers a loving, fun and interesting person who made time for her but her mother would spoil that? Her dad is the only one of two people she can emotionally blackmail with 'if you loved me....' to get her own way, yet she's no emotional blackmailer, she's 'nice', the writing direction and her lack of doing wrong or anything in particular leads us this way.

Let Charlie be a manipulator who flutters her eyelashes and puts on a sad face to sway others, it's not like they haven't already made her more infantile. Why not commit more to her being a bit of a brat?

Lucifer and Charlie's different stance on the sinners was very short lived. Charlie got what she asked for and wasn't setting out to change daddy's mind, so much so that his involvement in all this wasn't even acknowledged. She's supposed to pitch to different people who are in different places and win them over, daddy would have been a good start to atleast try with, we could have seen how she tackles a lost cause of an ally.

We didn't see how she got her 'team' on board, but we did learn early on that she bribed Angeldust, we go on to learn that Husk and Nifty are tied in with Alastor who chooses to work with Charlie but has some ulterior motive, Cherrybomb who we get for a minute is Angel's friend and Vaggie had just been thrown away and picked up by Charlie.

We literally had two outsider characters engage with the hotel and barely with Charlie. Sir Pentious who stuck around but has since checked out and moved on to bigger and better things, all thanks to Charlie's enemy (who ironically succeeded at doing her dream job) and Mimzy who bought us valuable information and could bring us a lot more, but she's not welcome anymore, Charlie wasn't the one to banish her, she didn't see her worth at all, nor that of the unknown sinners Alastor wiped out.

Where is her outreach?

Community exists and others are thriving.

Why isn't this singing, dancing, out of touch clown out in the community like anyone else selling their cause?

Why isn't she upselling the business and all it has to offer on the regular like she supposedly did before we met her?

She can still be 'nice', showy and stubborn, all traits of being PRIDEFUL.

[local-redhead-bookworm]

Finished Gundam 00. My closing thoughts, in no particular order:

I’m glad that almost everyone has their happy ending and something to keep working toward

I enjoyed how Graham’s arc was about learning to live for something other than revenge (you may be noticing a recurring pattern with me). He spent most of season two being driven only by his desire to fight Setsuna again for honor, and how it closes with him finding something new to live for.

I still find Katagiri’s story a bit frustrating. Like yes Sumeragi shouldn’t have used his feelings to her advantage, but my guy. Becoming a fascist is already a bad idea, somehow it’s even worse when it’s motivated by relationship issues

Lyle killing Al-Saachez is just as deserved as if Setsuna had done it. I know we’d just had the whole big realization about the necessity of understanding each other, but Al-Saachez had no interest in trying to understand anyone else.

I was so upset about Tieria, but if he’s still alive inside Veda he’s not really gone. It’s like how in Ninjago Pixal went from an android body to being a program in Zane’s memory bank. Idk, it’s been a long time since I watched Ninjago

This show takes a very interesting philosophy on war. Wing asked more vague questions on the ethics of war, and what happens when you take humanity out of the fight and replace it with technology. IBO comes closest to truly analyzing the role of capitalism in war. But 00 questions the interplay of diplomacy and war, and how our approach to interpersonal conflict affects how we approach conflict on a broader scale. The message I feel 00 was aiming for is one that aligns with some of my core beliefs: in order for us to live at peace, we must see each other as equals and make every possible effort to understand each other. We may not always succeed, but if we approach our problems with the goal to find common ground and work together, the world will be a better place. Will it be perfect? No. But we don’t have to be perfect, we just have to try to be better

I’m really fascinated by the angle this show has on religion, sin, and deity. The religious themes are baked into the show, starting with a protagonist raised in a militaristic religious war, to the final villain being a man who wants to make himself God because he sees humanity as below him. There is also an element of guilt, the idea that there is blood on everyone’s hands. There is blood on the hands of the soldiers, but there is also blood on the hands of the civilians who choose to remain ignorant and look away. But the show does not say that we have to find a way to wash off that blood, only that we learn from the past and keep growing and trying to be better each day.

I did feel like all of this was slightly undercut by the fact that at the end, Celestial Being is still active. However, it did seem that Celestial Being would be looking less to act as they did in season one and more to work in conjunction with diplomatic forces, as a last resort when all else failed or intervening to help the innocent. I’m still a bit saddened that Setsuna doesn’t get to settle down and live a peaceful life, but that wouldn’t be realistic with him, to be fair. Marina says it herself, all he knows how to do is fight; if he cannot stop fighting, he has to change how and why he fights.

I really enjoyed this show overall. To be fair, there’s yet to be a single Gundam piece I wholeheartedly dislike, but I like a lot of how this story was told.

I feel like this one was a lot less character-oriented than other Gundam stories were. It works for this particular story, because like Wing, it’s interested in asking a broader philosophical question and less on the characters themselves in the situations. The characters’ backstories are important to why they choose to become involved with Celestial Being, but their life experiences did not have much influence on them otherwise. I do think that’s because the scope of this show was so big, and we as the audience are looking at this entire story from a much broader scope, so the extreme minutiae of character are less important than the broad strokes that lay the scene for a much bigger conversation.

[daily-hanamura]

Love your analysis of Yosuke’s character, it’s so detailed and fun to read! I’m kinda curious, what are your thoughts on his characterization in the fighting and dancing games?

Waaah thank you so much!! I'm glad you enjoyed them 💖

Oooh I actually LOVE his characterisation in p4d and p4au, probably because I think it brought out all my favourite parts of Yosuke and it really felt like Yosuke had matured a lot compared to his first appearance.

In P4A/U for example we see a lot of thoughts from other characters, and I really love that it's revealed how the others - not just Yu, but also Yukiko and Chie - rely on Yosuke a lot for emotional support, as the morale booster of the team, for direction when they don't know what to do, as the glue that keeps the group together, and it's so fantastic because it's so unlike how Yosuke sees himself. A lot of Yosuke's POV also reveals how much overthinking he does and how, despite his empathy in noticing when others are frustrated or worried, he feels like he doesn't do a very good job at cheering them up, even though when we look at their POVs we see that he did!! Both Yukiko and Chie call him up when they were worried about their friends going missing BECAUSE they feel better from talking to him!! Sorry but this particular factoid, this specific gap, sits in my head like a spitroast being rotated all the time because I cannot get over it. But he's trying though - we can see his motivations for the things that he says and how he tries to lighten the mood and yeah. It's great. I went into P4AU thinking it was going to be whatever but let me just say that was the game that triggered my single-minded obsession about Yosuke and the reason why this blog exists LOL like I was very much souyo and yosuke-brained aftert P4G but oh boy. P4AU tipped me over from obsessed to building this damn shrine for him :'D

He always laughs deprecatingly at himself even in the post p4g games, like in P4D - when he dances well he has a line that's like, "not such a disappointment after all" and it, again, really shows how he has such a poor perception of himself that he doesn't see his own good points, like the fact that he held out the second longest during their dance training, losing only to Rise, as pointed out by Yu. He's naturally talented and keeps up well with everyone elses dance style, but he doesn't really notice that either? Also a side thing I find hilarious/cute/endearing in P4D is also how Kanji exposes Yosuke's idol-loving-hours and Yosuke gets extremely embarrassed about it, because at his heart Yosuke does still like that kind of (somewhat) superficial thing, but he doesn't want people to know! It's a stark contrast to how he was earlier in P4G where he's more open about checking out girls (again, the whole "is this overcompensation" vs "is this a product of bro culture from his childhood friends" is a conversation that we can have) but it's a reflection of how that kind of talk tapers out a lot as the game progresses, and P4D was really consistent with the kind of growth that P4G gave Yosuke, instead of reducing him into that best-bro-friend stereotype, and for a game that was actually so short in narrative substance compared to P4AU, it was great. (I'm also convinced that P4D was trying to tell us Yosuke and Yu were dating but I'm not going to start on that again LOL)

And I think ultimately the reason why I feel like P4AU and P4D showcased a lot of growth for Yosuke is in his relationships with other people, because as much as Yosuke worries about how he's remained static, I think the fact that the others treat him with such respect (like when the first years and Teddie acknowledge that Yosuke is basically the team wrangler, and the difference between Yosuke at the start of P4G/in Magician compared to P4AU/D was someone who had become a lot more receptive about forming genuine relationships with other people instead of just protecting himself by surrounding himself with superficial relationships and yeah. yeah.

[halfhoursonearth-writes]

A new fic and some thoughts on process and the miscommunication plot

I’ve gotten a bit blocked working on the next set of chapters for But Who’s Counting?, and I probably won’t have anything I’m happy with to post for a few weeks.

But, to try to break through the writer’s block, I took a discarded idea for an early version of that story's climactic scene and wrote a short new fic. I don’t consider this story a spoiler for what’s coming in But Who’s Counting?; basically anything I plan to keep for that piece, I’ve changed in this one.

And you certainly don’t need to read But Who’s Counting? in order to read You Make Everything Better. If you like Zutara fics with yearning, self-denial and also the end of yearning and self-denial, I hope you'll check it out!

I also brought some some writing process thoughts. Oops.

Something that has happened both times I’ve written Zutara multi-chapter fics is that the two characters fall for each other earlier than I initially plan. I’m not the most committed outliner—as a writer I’ll usually follow the energetic flow of the characters rather than any hard plotting I've done. And I find the empathy just grows so quickly between these two characters once there's opportunity.

The downside to writing this way is that often the scenes that initially motivated me to write a particular story no longer work in the story as it unfolds. So I’m often killing darlings while they’re still a twinkle in my eye.

In my initial (imagined, lol) outline of But Who’s Counting? the climactic chapter looked something like this new story. But then the relationship between the characters progressed too significantly to land in this sort of scene without constructing a major miscommunication plot for the sake of it. And I thought about doing that! I started writing that draft. And then I had to reconsider.

I don't dismiss miscommunication plots out of hand. In fact, I think miscommunications are basically essential devices in certain enemies to lovers or friends to lovers plot arcs. And frankly, real humans miscommunicate constantly, so I think this trope is more reflective of reality than it's given credit for.

For these reasons, there’s probably still some miscommunication ahead in But Who’s Counting? because there’s a lot these characters still don’t know about one another, their respective worlds, and what they want. But I didn’t want to contort the character arcs for the sake of a scene that no longer fit the story. For me, when miscommunications require me to suspend disbelief about character choices, that's where they get frustrating.

But I just couldn't let this scene go. So now it finds its own way into the world!

[idontknowreallywhy]

WIP Wednesday

This isn’t what I am supposed to be writing, but it’s been… A Week and I’ve struggled to write anything at all. Only this, for some reason, and I’m not 100% content with it as it is still kind of clumsy. But… work in progress, right? And sharing does seem to motivate me to pull the words together so here we are!

Instead of the three possible things I plan to be adding to / finishing in the near future, I’ve leapt months and months ahead in a currently dormant fic because I’m fascinated by what might happen when the truth of a particular incident is revealed. So we have Scott having a panic attack and a bit of the frustration of being a whole world away from someone you’d really like to be able to comfort with more than just words… both of which could be considered personal catharsis I suppose.

*apologises to characters for inficting more angst upon them*

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The call finally connected, voice only this time, and she could hear seabirds.

“Scott?”

“Hey.”

He sounded so deflated it knocked the breath from her lungs and she found herself straightening up and clenching her fists as her body instinctively readied itself to fight and destroy whatever it was that had hurt him.

“Hey Blue, what’s happened?”

There was silence. No, not silence. She could hear him breathing erratically against the white noise of the sea and the occasional gull squawking in the distance. His despair was almost tangible from half way around the world.

She tried an easier question:

“Where are you?”

“Volcano” it was barely more than a whisper.

“On the island?”

“Yeah… it’s… view is nice… up here. Lot of sky.”

“Sky is good.”

“Mmhmm.”

She could hear a faint gasp as if he’d suddenly remembered to breathe. Then several short panting breaths before he was clearly holding it again as there was only the sea.

“Scott… can you try a slow breath for me?”

She could hear him inhaling in through his nose and blowing out through his mouth with the faintest whistle.

“That’s it. And again.”

He obeyed and mumbled an apology.

“You don’t need to apologise. Give me another breath.”

He did. Then swore softly.

“I don’t think they trust me.”

“Who? Your brothers?”

“Yeah.” The word was little more than a squeak.

“What has given you that impression?”

He huffed the least joyful laugh a human being could ever emit.

“Not just an impression.”

“Ok... What is the evidence for your conclusion?”

“I’ve messed up so bad. I… they… they think I… that I could…”

His breathing was quiet but way too fast, a faint squeak at the end of each inhalation betrayed his losing battle with the panic.

“Slow down, Blue. Where never lark…”

“Or-ever-eagle-flew” the words came out in a rush but after a further shuddering breath he managed to get his breathing more even and apologised again.

“Stop it, you’ve done nothing to be sorry for.”

“Mmmh”

“You don’t have to tell me what’s going on. I’ll just stay here with you until you’re feeling stronger, ok? Until you can find Virgil or one of the others to… Scott?!”

The gasp she just heard was so saturated with pain she was sure he’d been physically hurt - that he’d just been stabbed or fallen somehow - and she was unable to hide the panic in her voice:

“Scott! Are you ok? Please answer me.”

“I’m ok. Sorry.” He sniffed and tried to hide it with a cough. “Just… can’t… not them. Not about… this.”

“Oh Scott…”

“They… they…” his voice faded out again. Not for the first time, Estera wholeheartedly wished she had her own Thunderbird handy as being stuck on the other side of the planet when her friend so clearly needed a hug made her want to gnaw her own arm off.

“They…” He was trying again but clearly couldn’t form the words he wanted.

“You don’t have to tell me, it’s ok, I’m here anyway. We can just sit.”

Another faked throat clearance then in a tiny voice that seemed utterly incongruous coming from a man with such a large presence:

“N-need to? Please? Nobody else…”

“Of course you can! It’s ok! It’s alright… It’s… ok. Take your time.”

He sniffed again then Estera could almost hear him counting the length of his breaths. She wracked her brain, trying to think of something, anything she could do to make this better. The smallness of his voice hurt - it was so wrong - it was as if with the same words in which he was tentatively asking for help he was also somehow apologising for taking up space in the world. She found herself recalling little Alex, red faced and full of tears, gasping and unable to verbalise his frustration until she nudged a pencil towards him and he’d snatched it up and carved “THEY PUSHD ME DOWNE” six sheets deep into her notebook. Huh. What if…

“Would typing be easier? I can stay on the line?

“Mmmh”

There was a shaky sigh and then another breath-holding pause before a text message popped up.

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[utilitycaster]

"There is zero attempt to extend anything but bad faith."

standing ovation for tidily describing this fandom in a nutshell tbh

Thanks, but I'm talking about a particular subset, the handwringy overwrought appeals to emotion crowd for whom the gods can never under any circumstances be redeemed, so unless you are also talking about that specific small piece of the fandom, I disagree! I actually think the fandom at large has been pretty receptive to the story as it's being told. And honestly, even when I've been in fandoms that frustrated me greatly with widespread bad faith interpretations (Midst and WBN have both had problems here)* they've come around when more obvious evidence came about. Better late than never.

I do think that an issue in this fandom, and fandoms at large, is not so much bad faith but as someone else said, motivated reasoning (though in the case of something the motivated reasoner dislikes, will become bad faith). A lot of people decide how they want to the story to go very early, often in a manner that validates their own existing real-world politics (even if they're not super applicable to the situation at hand) or personal preferences. I mean, that's in the end the source of a good number of shipping bad takes - people decide two characters must be in love and so even if they start dating other people and not talking to each other anymore, the motivated reasoning shipper decides that ACTUALLY this is all a front and the actor's blinks are in secret code and the relationship will definitely break up and the True Love was Always Endgame no matter how many times the creators say "no, it never was our intention to have those characters get together." But even then I think the silent majority of most fandoms are just. vibing and happy to be here. It's just that motivated reasoning people are loud.

And I'm not setting myself apart here; I'm loud and I'm certainly not without bias. My motivated reasoning tends to be based on foregone conclusions that I think are more likely to actually play out, I think, and I try to be self aware about it, but like, I do tend to assume stories will be good and follow some narrative lines and use the hints they drop, and that is itself an assumption because some stories are poorly made. Like, for example, with the gods, I do think that there is very little chance Matt is going to tell a story that's like "hey, Ashley, you know your first ever TTRPG character, who brought you into this friend group and whose life's purpose is to restore worship in the Everlight? Bad news, Everlight's a genocidal cunt and she's gotta die." That's obviously not my only evidence here. We've got the whole opening scene. We've got the fact that the non-Aeorian NPCs who aren't divine companions we've spent time with have been a sickly old man granted peace in death, a gnomish woman granted solace after being cruelly mocked by Aeorian forces, and the beggars who didn't have food despite wagons of supplies going to Aeor, whereas the Aeorian NPCs have been guards, slimy bureaucrats, teens badly beaten for minor crimes, and a drunk cop; the defaced and forgotten temple in a poor neighborhood that is heavily surveilled from afar because its laborers are unwelcome. Hell, as I said before it aired, the fact that the main PCs are gods and not Aeorian mages is a very deliberate and telling choice on its own. But yeah on some level, while I think Bells Hells have the space to decide to kill the gods since they are those same cast members (thought I doubt that is what they will do), I do not think Matt will tell an earlier story that says "hey, everyone at the table except Marisha? your beloved character(s) whom you played for all or most of a campaign followed a rotten-to-the-core lie."

Going off the meta of creators is a bit risky - a lot of dumb D20 discourse is based on assuming Brennan's leftism is the same as Very Online I Do Not Dream Of Labor Leftism and not his actual "the BBEG is the exploitation and undervaluing of labor and the dehumanization of others; labor itself can be deeply fulfilling, you just shouldn't be forced to rely on your capacity to do labor to the exclusion of all other things to be housed and fed" leftism and reasoning from there - but it's certainly more reliable than going off reasoning of "I as a random private individual want the gods to die for whatever the fuck reason and therefore that is the correct thing to happen and any other outcome is bad."

This is very rambly because I just got up and maybe it's that it's a nice morning and I can actually enjoy a leisurely breakfast before going into work unlike most of last week and much of the rest of this week, but for all I proudly identify as a hater, I am very much a lover of fiction and I want it to succeed and I want it to not just validate me. Like, if I hate on something it's because I wish it were better, but I don't hate on something just because it presents a different viewpoint than the one I already held. And I think you have to bring that good faith to fandom as well. If people are being idiots and assholes then yeah you don't need to keep acting like they're valid for that (I mean, they're valid in that everyone has the right to their opinions, but not in the sense that you need to grant those opinions intellectual consideration on par with thoughtful and evidenced meta and theories) but I do not actually go in assuming the fandom is going to be wrong and dumb and disappointing, and I think that's why I've found such enjoyment in it. Most people are chill! Chill people just tend not to loudly say WOW I'M SO CHILL AND THIS STORY IS GREAT.

*one bit of salt to cut the sweetness here but also still weirdly positive: the way I've dealt with that and specifically WBN is that I am trying to write one piece of meta after each episode that doesn't attack people or anything, just lays out my thoughts respectfully. Be the change you wish to see. I think a lot of people in fandom see someone disagreeing with them and go "OH YOU CAN'T LET US HAVE ANYTHING" and frankly this is the cause of almost all fandom unpleasantness I've experienced (in the sense of people seeing me say I don't like something and acting like I shut them down instead of simply didn't vibe), but it's important to remember that isn't how it works. Even if you do think the fandom has widespread bad opinions, you can change this by being thoughtful and patient and putting forth better ones. I mean there's limits, and if a fandom is genuinely hateful, get out, but if it's just surface-level takes for something that should be deeper? Be the one who shows the depth.

[loonarmuunar]

Just finished Saw II. And I have MANY OPINIONS

I don’t think the larger cast works in the runtime for the film. I think it COULD work! But with the fast pacing and shorter runtime, it ends up being awkward.

Saw was great bc it hurt. The audience is given time to connect with the characters. We see them try over and over again, only to end up right back where they started.

But in Saw II there just isn’t any time to learn much about anyone. I don’t think we even learn some of the characters names? I couldn’t connect to any of the characters, besides Daniel. There’s just. Very little to no downtime in the film. We don’t get to know a lot of the characters motivations besides “get out of here”.

Like. Why did Obi kidnap them?? He said he had to, but. What does that mean. Was he being threatened? It feels odd to me that they went with that, when they could’ve just said he did it for money or something. Or just had Amanda take the others, like she did in the first film.

Tbh Addison (had to look up her name) doesn’t even seem to have any distinct traits?? She’s a prostitute, but we learn that in the weirdest way. Xavier (I think?) says “The only door you know how to open is between your legs.” which. I gotta say is such a ridiculous line that it’s funny. Does he say this about every woman??? Was this just a lucky guess?? Is he just REALLY GOOD at telling who’s a prostitute???? That’s just the silliest way I can think of introducing her profession akdksk.

She might be quieter than most of the other characters (maybe??), but I think it’s more that the others are constantly screaming at each other. You could possibly say she stays in her lane?? But there’s just nothing much you can say.

I can’t care about these characters while they’re living, and so I can’t care about them when they’re dead.

Also it looks more like they just tried to kill off as many characters as fast as possible. GOGOGOGO SHOT IN THE HEAD BURNED ALIVE NAIL-BAT NERVE GAS EVIL BOX EVIL BOX!!! Like Idk what’s the point when you could just. Have a smaller cast, and have more time for other stuff like. Learning who they are.

Saw ii is just a lot of shock value. Which, I don’t MIND shock value sometimes! Sometimes it’s awesome to see how special effects will make it look like someone got split in half, or exploded from the inside, or whatever. Sometimes it’s Sick As Hell! I am not above watching gore for gore’s sake!! But in the particular instance, I think shock value is the WORST THING you could do here. Because it’s a very strong veer away from the quieter, more anxiety inducing gore and fear in Saw.

Going from Saw’s slow paced dreadful horror, exploring two characters deeply, and occasional bloodshed, to Saw II’s huge cast with not enough time to explore any of them, and non-stop blood and gore, is just frustrating.

Also! The gore and ickyness just kinda loses its value for me! In Saw they cut away occasionally from the gorey parts. And I LIKE THAT. Whatever you can imagine will always be worse. Writers typically don’t tell you what happens in a Noodle Incident, bc whatever you imagine will be far more interesting. And it’s not like we were missing out on anything, because there were other instances of onscreen blood and gore. Imagining how it would look seeing Lawrence sawing off his foot, or Amanda cutting open someone’s stomach, is a lot more effective than seeing it happen.

Saw II wants to do everything Saw did but MORE. Gorier louder bigger more characters. But it ends up being a movie with no substance.

It’s honestly not a bad movie on its own merit. If it was its own film, it would be pretty okay to me. But it fails to even live up to Saw, much less stand next to it.

Maybe Saw III will give more context to things. I don’t know. Shrug. Would love to see some other takes on it! I want to understand why others like this movie :]

[veliseraptor]

Reading your Xue Yang fics is so validating on a personal level because it seems like Performing Good Behavior often isn't enough for people. Not all of us do good things out of some innate altruistic yearning. Some of us do good because it makes our lives easier or makes a loved one happy. And it's hard not to feel upset and frustrated when people value a Good Heart over Good Behavior. It's really nice to read Xue Yang struggle with this and to feel understood.

oh man anon I'm glad this is valuable for you because it is something that is very important to me. the value of distinguishing between "doing the right thing is only enough if you're doing it for the right reasons" (internally determined, potentially unattainable standard) and "doing the right thing in and of itself is sufficient and what actually matters at the end of the day" (results-oriented, what's going to make an impact on other people) is a really important one to me

the former can be genuinely paralyzing, I think! even for people who might have an ~innate altruistic yearning~ (whatever the fuck that means) can get hung up on what is the right motivation, am I feeling the right motivation enough, if my motivations are selfish then does it really count/is it worth doing, etc. etc. obsession spiral.

in a lot of ways I really do think what counts is what a person actually does rather than whatever internal processes motivate that action, because ultimately peoples' motives are generally inscrutable to me but peoples' actions are what I feel/perceive. and, too, playing the game of suspecting other peoples' motives is an exhausting one and ultimately doesn't get a person very far.

so yeah. this is what I mean sometimes by not calling what I do with Xue Yang a ~redemption arc~, because it's not so much about fundamentally making a change in his motivations/moral standards (which I feel like people make a prerequisite for a "real" redemption arc, sometimes; the character must FEEL BAD about their previous actions and REPENT for them); it's about giving him reasons to make different choices going forward, whatever those reasons might be.

anyway, thank you, anon, and I'm glad that this particular piece of my writing can make you feel understood.

[boinin]

Adding this guy to the carousel of blorbos in my brain. I like that his tarot schtick leads into him being obsessed with probability and data 🖤

He's needlessly antagonistic, but that's Blue Lock for you. All bets are off when it comes to football. I personally enjoy the shit talking.

My only criticism of Hiiragi's great characterisation in Episode Nagi is... what for? Solely to entertain? Besides that, there isn't much purpose to it. His bravado in this match will be short-lived. Chigiri, Barou and Nagi win. Hiiragi passes the second and third selection, but remains on the bench for the U20 match, and barely plays during the Neo Egoist league. A guy that interested in probability must be aware how unlikely he is to make the national U20 team for the World Cup.

One of Blue Lock's strengths is its engaging line-up of characters. Even when they're barely shaded tropes, you root for and against them. But on the flip side, due to the manga format and pacing, there simply isn't enough time to spend on these interesting side characters. They rarely become more than a once-off antagonist or joke.

Hiiragi gets this one time to shine, before Episode Nagi moves on. After that, he's resigned to being background fodder, alongside other interesting characters (Darai, Hayate and Niou from the original U20 line-up spring to mind). If we're lucky, Hiiragi might show up to annoy Nagi during the U20 match or while they're teammates in Manshine.

It's a frustrating criticism. On the one hand, Blue Lock and Episode Nagi have an amazing formula. They're fast paced action manga, with sharp dialogue and thought-provoking concepts. The main characters in the franchise (which I'd identify as Isagi, Bachira, Chigiri, Kunigami, Rin, Nagi, Reo, Barou and Kaiser) get consistent development and page time. Other characters... don't. At least, not beyond the resolution of a particular arc or problem they're facing (Yukimiya for example).

Other characters are engaging but static—Raichi is an example. Has he received any significant development since his Team Z days? He's more grounded and less boastful, I'll accept, but we don't know much about his inner thoughts or motivations. Kurona and Gagamaru also suffer from this.

Don't get me wrong: Blue Lock achieves a lot of depth through clever exposition and panelling. If they spent more time on character development, they'd risk sacrificing hype. That'd be a greater lost, imo.

In truth, I don't think anything should change. There's nothing wrong with entertainment for entertainment's sake.

If anything, I'm bemoaning the fact there isn't more time or more English-language content available for Blue Lock's side characters. What we get is so good, it makes me hunger for more. Maybe that's what I'm really bothered by. In which case, less a complaint than a compliment.

Speaking of side characters, this chapter also gave us the Zantetsu-Niko team up that was teased years back.

Niko appears to be avoiding the main action this match, but one thing I enjoyed: he briefed Zantetsu on what kind of plays to expect from Barou, Nagi and Chigiri. He also doesn't rely on Zantetsu to recognise these on sight—instead Niko does the watching and calls the next play out to him, using nicknames that Zantetsu will remember and understand.

Underrated moment that reinforces their character tropes to the reader: a watchtower, supporting the stupidly fast.

[sir-subpar]

Alastor rant

Clearly I'm still working out the concepts, but I feel like I'm getting close and I wanted to talk about my ideas.

So, Alastor, the overlord, the sinner, the cannibal, the mysterious-

Okay, I'm messing around. Alastor does not live up to the description.

Alastor has Irked me for a while. I know all of the characters have, but Alastor in particular feels like one of the most disappointing, world breaking nothing of a character.

He's not scary, he doesn't look like a deer, his suit makes no sense, his motives don't make any sense.

He hates television yet the first thing we hear from him in the show is a TV ad. For some reason he's "really powerful" (for no reason), yet does next to nothing in the fight against Adam and is basically useless.

The only reason there's a manipulation works on Charlie is because she's written to be completely brainless. At least the pilot Charlie knew he was untrustworthy but was just trying to stick with her principles. Charlie in the show is a brainless mouth.

Alastor's rivalry with Lucifer is random, unexplained, and pointless.

I have a lot of issues with this "deer"

If only angel weapons can kill sinners, how come he does it all the time no problem? If he's ranked below Charlie why is she scared of him? If he doesn't believe in this hotel and does nothing to gain from it personally, why is he there? He doesn't even seem that happy to be there most of the time. Sure he smiles, but he always does that.

Why is he here?

What does he do? How does he help? How does he not help? Is he there to help? Is he there for entertainment like it was in the pilot? Does he like being there? Does he not like being there? Does he want to see the project fail or succeed? Does he care? Does he not care?

He is just.. there. He says some vague things that should be red flags, then does nothing.

(Maybe Charlie can't see the red flags because they blend in with every other red thing in the environment)

Also, I hate the fact that he's apparently asexual because he "can't find it in himsepf to care for others"

As an asexual person, I hate that so much. He doesn't need to have a reason to be asexual. He can just BE asexual. (Also being asexual does not mean that you don't care about people! It's just a way to describe a lack of sexual attraction and the different levels it's experienced.)

Also, for the longest time I had no idea Alastor was apparently mixed race. Apparently he is black or something? I honestly can't tell.

A lot of other people have discussed that though, and they would probably know more than I would as a white guy myself, so I reccomend seeing what POC have to say about it because they probably have more valuable things to share. Obviously, Racism is awful.

And it really doesn't help that one of the only characters in this show that's supposed to be a person of color, is a heartless, selfish, pompous cannibal.

If any person of color has something they would like to share, feel free to comment on this post, I want to hear a variety of opinions.

I have so many issues with this character, that redesigning him isn't enough for me. I want to completely reimagine him.

I will post that soon, I just wanted to let some of my frustrations out beforehand so I didn't make that post besides one novel. It will probably still be long, but hopefully this will shorten it a little bit.

[uriekukistan]

Fanfic Writer Interview

thank you @alonelystargazer for tagging me!

no pressure tags @earthtodora @sunnyyflowerrs @kentuckyfriedmegumi and @kat-likes-writing !!!

How many works do you have on AO3?

counting the ones i moved to "anonymous" i have 36 for 3 fandoms

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:

Family is Embarrassing

Dancing With a Stranger

summer lovin'

koi no yokan

honey and lavender

all itafushi. i write other fandoms/ships sometimes but yeah im mostly known for itafushi. if i can even call myself known.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

okay so i DO but im just really slow right now because of uni. like i have 100+ comments stacked up im so sorry guys. uni is kicking my ass. but usually i try to bc i like to let readers know that i appreciate the support <3

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

....this is hard i have a few that are pretty bad. the one that hurts me the most is right where you left me (ghost au)....idk it's like sad and happy. they both sortaaa get what they need but also like they dont get to be together, and i think (hope) it was obvious from the start that a happy ending wasn't on the table for them

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

contrary to popular belief i write a lot of happy endings!!!!!! i want to say koi no yokan even though it's not out yet, not because it has the objectively happiest ending, but because the whole thing is so angsty and a lot of people have said they doubt that i'll actually give a happy ending. and i will! anyway, i'd say its the happiest because its like. relieving at the end. without giving too much away.

Do you write crossovers?

i don't think i'd write a crossover in the traditional sense where characters from two medias interact, but i've written au's where i put the characters from x show into the universe from y show. that's probably as close as i'll get to a crossover.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

four times...ngl i was a bit confused abt one bc it felt like they hadn't read the fic, one time they just hated the ship and took it out on the fic, and the other was recent......that once kinda upset me bc of the second ask they sent.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

uh. hm. i have. i'm very shy abt it so i would never post it in a way that'd tie back to me, and only a few ppl actually know abt the details.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i've seen.........but im also chronically offline these days

Have you ever had a fic translated?

also no, but i do frequently get comments in spanish which is cool

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

tbh i think it'd be fun, but i'm also so particular abt my process that i think it'd frustrate the other person. however....there would potentially be a few ppl i'd be interested in writing with. but once again, i'm shy

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

itafushi ofc. my number one forever, i don't think a singular ship has ever grabbed me by the throat like this before

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

sigh theres so many. i recently published a new fic and i'm like not even feeling motivated to write the next two chapters......i feel bad abt that bc i did already share it. this is why i need to write all if not most of the multichapter before i share it. most of the things i have rn are just ideas tho bc i havent had time to write much that's new

What are your writing strengths?

oh god......um i think i do a good job creating an emotional atmosphere and taking the reader inside the pov character's head

What are your writing weaknesses?

description for sure. i'm just not good with visual things, whether its art or descriptions in writing. i'm also not observant which doesn't help like i couldn't tell you anything about what's happening around me right now which is Not Good. either way it hinders my writing fs. also i think sometimes i struggle w pacing and characterization. and dialogue. um. honestly i think i have a lot of weaknesses, i'm not the fondest of my own writing unfortunately.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

hm. i think it has a place ig, but personally i would never do it, despite the fact that i'm trilingual and definitely have the capacity to.

also this is an unpopular opinion, and i think it comes from my time studying japanese in university, but when i see like "gojo-sensei," or "itadori-kun" type things, it does make me cringe a bit. like i know that is what they are saying but like if i did that in class it would be marked wrong so i've just been trained to read it as incorrect.

What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

ngl rn im only interested in writing for itafushi. i would like to write more for tokyo ghoul soon though

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

at this present moment.....right where you left me. there is also a budding au in my drive that i'm quite fond of but i'm waiting to share more details on that

[paperstorm]

I do agree that interpretation of TK's perspective in this arc sounds like the TK we've gotten to know over 5 years. But I have to admit that doesn't really come across to me in the episodes in question, which like the anon said feel a bit lacking in terms of showing his frame of mind. But maybe the in-universe explanation is that he and Carlos aren't in a great place before then and aren't communicating well as a result, so when this difference springs up between them they struggle to articulate what they're actually feeling because they're already off kilter. And I think that maybe comes across in the loft scene, when the discussion about Jonah gets derailed a bit when Carlos brings up Gabriel. That's when TK's frustrations really start to show, and I get the sense that if that wasn't already a point of contention between them that conversation could have gone a lot better.

I think the loft argument is one that I am struggling to understand what TK's in-universe side is, idk maybe it's just me maybe other people got it super easily, but TK just comes in so hot and it feels a bit out of nowhere to me? Carlos just brings up how hard he's been trying and TK goes off, and I would love to talk to whoever wrote that dialogue and get a better understanding of the character motivations they were going for.

The storytelling problem I feel is that there's a divergence between the 'showing' and 'telling' in terms of how Tarlos is doing this season. Because we are being told that they're in a bad place, as a way of explaining why the conversation about Jonah turned so quickly into an argument. But then what we are being shown is things like Carlos making time for lunch dates in which he doesn't want to talk about work, bringing donuts to the firehouse, making romantic dinners, throwing lavish birthday parties, going to therapy and being super honest even tho it's hard for him, actively working on the things they discuss in therapy. So what we see is them doing super good actually and Carlos putting in a ton of effort, so then when the narrative informs us to the contrary, it ends up coming off like all that massive amount of effort isn't good enough, and that makes TK seem unkind. I wonder if maybe the writers just really didn't want the audience to hate Carlos in all this, so they went overboard in explaining his perspective and making him sympathetic and showing him being a pretty fucking amazing husband. And I have loved seeing him being an amazing husband so I don't wish they hadn't done that, but the downside is it ends up being confusing when at the same time the narrative is telling us these two are distant and struggling and TKs' at the end of his rope, because we don't actually see that happening on screen, we're just told to accept that it's happening.

Idk I'm still mulling it all over! And I love these characters so so much. And that doesnt' change even if I think there is some subpar writing in this particular storyline.

[kenora-pizza]

My Thoughts on "Emily in the middle"

Based off a conversation I had w/@mean-scarlet-deceiver in the comment section of this post of theirs, because Tumblr comments have a word limit that I wasn't aware of, and I'm in the mood to speak my mind on this.

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Alright. So. Emily in the middle. The last appearance of Donald and Douglas in the TV show, and imo, a pretty crappy one too. The Caledonian twins, (Donald in particular) are my favourite TTTE characters for multiple reasons, and there are many things in this episode which irritated or straight up pissed me off. And I've been holding these feelings in for months.

Now, to be fair, I did like some things about this episode. The visuals are gorgeous, and I love how they brought back the twins' season 20 theme from 'Love me tender.' They also carried over this thing introduced (and heavily featured) in 'Love me tender' where Donald acts like he knows better than Douglas, much to the latter's frustration. I REALLY wish they could elaborate further on this in another episode. Like maybe this behavior has been a constant but only now is it getting worse. Maybe this behaviour is related to the fact that Donald had to smuggle Douglas into Sodor, and started thinking of himself as the one who had to take charge and keep them both safe. Maybe it's from some sorta paranoia Donald developed regarding their status on Sodor, and for some time after the events of "Deputation," he still felt the need to protect and ensure that Douglas would remain on Sodor. (I don't know, I just came up with this). And the episode concept itself can be considered humorous, but imo, it would have been better with Bill, Ben and maybe Boco, Mavis or Edward.

First off, might as well get the obvious out of they way. The twins are HORRIBLY out of character in this episode. From the get-go, they're arguing about anything and everything, to the detriment of them and the engines around them. The TV show, especially in the CGI era, unfortunately started shifting them towards the very overdone trope of "They're twins and they argue a ton," but they went the whole way with it on this episode and it's flipping awful to watch. Especially at the end, when poor Emily got derailed by a snowball (while we're on the subject of that how the flying fuck did that thing get so big so quickly?) and they started blaming each other for the accident instead of helping or apologizing to her. Also doing seriously irresponsible things like stopping a HUGE ASS train on the main line and blocking the Express, and stopping the same train on a steep incline and leaving Emily to hold it while they bickered and chased each other up the hill. I mean honestly, they were acting more like Bill and Ben: Indistinguishable twins who frequently argue with each other over petty bullsh!t. The Caledonian Twins are absolute badasses who get sh!t done and clearly love each other very much. So why ruin them like this, Mattel?!

Second off.....this is something to do with a specific event (Brace yourselves for a long-ass explanation). In "Break Van," one of the notable events is Donald ramming a signal box (I'll explain). It's played off as an accident, but the book HEAVILY implies that this was intentional, with the line "But Donald didn't say what he was sorry for. We know, don't we?" and Douglas saying "Anyone would think, that Donald had his accident on purpose!" That's a huge wink wink from the book to the readers. And when you stop and think about it, Donald's motivation for this becomes clear. Think about everything that has happened to them thus far. Smuggling Douglas onto Sodor gave both of them a lot to lose, Douglas especially. By the time "Break Van" happens, Douglas has screwed up twice. And then the cherry on the top comes in the form of that motherf%^king Spiteful Brake Van making him late. At this point, the twins KNOW that Douglas is in TFC's black books and would be the one sent home after the trials if nothing is done. So to make TFC's decision more difficult, Douglas would either have to do better, or Donald would have to do worse. Donald chooses the latter option and it works, with TFC explicitly confirming this.

Now, In EITM, Douglas has been telling Emily about various incidents involving Donald from past seasons, and eventually start talking about the signal box incident. And given the significance of that event........it felt pretty darn scummy to hear them making light of that. That made me feel uncomfortable. Like... it's less "heehee, Donald is clumsy" and more "Donald purposefully injured himself and destroyed NWR property in an effort to keep his brother safe." I can see why Donald would be especially angry about this. It couldn't have been painless ramming into that signal box or fun getting lectured by Sir Topham Hatt, only for his brother to make light of it by laughing about it behind his back with another engine. And while we're on the topic, considering the bond between these brothers you cannot, in ANY WAY, convince me that Douglas would EVER talk sh!t about his brother behind his back to another engine. EVER.

Last off.....god, I REALLY feel for Emily in this episode. She may not be one of my absolute favourite characters, but she didn't deserve this, at all. I actually do like the idea of Donald, Douglas and Emily being a fun little trio, and I wish that it could have been done here.

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Ok wow, this turned out way longer than I expected for my first written Tumblr post. I hope people actually read this. If you reached the end, thanks for reading.

Also, if you wanna see something funny related to EITM, @jammyjams1910 did a fan dub of some scenes from the episode which had me laughing my ass off.

-Kenora