#but what do I know I just have a basic grasp of math and science

[magnetothemagnificent]

The American far-right: (((They))) built space lasers and hurricane machines to create natural disasters in the United States!

The American far-left: A country the size of New Jersey is single-handedly accelerating climate change to create natural disasters in the United States!

You guys sound exactly the same

[jetii]

Lessons of the Heart

Pairing: Crosshair x fem!Reader / Crosshair x Teacher!Reader

Words: 15,738

Tags/Warnings: fluff, so much fluff, strangers to lovers, soft!Crosshair, grumpy/sunshine dynamic, awkward flirting, mutual pining, kissing/making out, Crosshair's anxiety, reader has long-ish hair, Tech mentioned briefly

Summary: Over a year after settling on Pabu, Crosshair is still struggling to adapt to life without having something to fight, or fight for. When Omega comes home with a bad grade, he jumps at the chance to help. He doesn't expect to become so invested, and he certainly doesn't expect to fall for his sister's teacher.

A/N: This one got away from me! But since the poll indicated I should keep this all one part, here you go. I really enjoyed writing Crosshair's perspective and all the little sibling moments in here.

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"Again, Omega? We talked about this."

Crosshair stops dead in his tracks, one boot in front of the other, and stares straight ahead. The basket of dirty clothes in his grip hangs limp by his side as he stands in the hallway, listening. Hunter and Omega are in the kitchen, the latter having just gotten back from another day at school, and they’re clearly talking about something serious.

Crosshair doesn't dare to breathe too loud in case he misses a single word. It's hard not to notice how Hunter's voice drops low when he speaks, trying not to be overheard by someone. By someone like Crosshair.

"I know, Hunter," she groans. He can hear the sound of something hit the counter, likely a datapad, and Omega shifts on her stool. "I tried on this one, I promise."

Hunter hums in a tone that makes it clear he's not quite believing her, and Crosshair's eyebrows raise a little in curiosity.

"Let me see, please."

"Hunter—"

"Omega."

She huffs, but a few seconds later, the datapad slides across the counter with a quiet squeak, and Omega's chair scrapes across the floor as she sits back down. "There. Happy?"

"Thank you." There's a pause, and Crosshair can only imagine the face Hunter is making as he reads whatever it is that Omega is showing him. His voice is stern, a tone that Crosshair's come to know as the sergeant, not the brother. "What is this?"

"I told you," she whines.

"She gave you a 50%?" Hunter's voice raises slightly. "Why would she do that?"

Omega scoffs. She's getting better at that. It almost sounds natural now.

Crosshair peeks around the corner, and sure enough, Hunter has the datapad in his hands, reading over whatever report the teacher sent back. Omega sits next to him, her shoulders slumped, arms crossed, and she's not meeting his gaze. Her backpack sits unzipped, its contents strewn out across the countertop and the stool where she usually sits.

He knows he shouldn't eavesdrop, but he's been doing it for so long he's not sure how to stop. And besides, the look on Hunter's face is one he doesn't like.

They'd all known going into this that Omega wasn't going to have an easy time at school. She excelled far beyond her peers in most subjects — math, history, science, languages, you name it — but there were two subjects where her intelligence failed her. Art, for one, because it was hard to grasp the concept of drawing something when she had no frame of reference. And then, of course, there was literature.

It's not her fault, and Hunter's well aware of it. Her education prior to the Batch adopting her was entirely focused on being the best lab assistant a Kaminoan could ever want. Over time, she soaked up anything they would teach her. Strategy, engineering, politics, even some basic medical training — Omega could do it all. But, as it turned out, there was a pretty big part of her education that she was severely lacking in, and it was starting to show.

Out of the three brothers, Crosshair was the only one who actually made a habit out of reading, though he'd never admit it to anyone. So he tried his best to teach Omega the concepts that her teacher was trying to instill in her, but sometimes it was difficult.

Literature was, by nature, subjective. It's always up for debate, and Crosshair found himself constantly questioning himself while helping Omega with her assignments. It usually ended with both of them frustrated, and Hunter or Wrecker stepping in to mediate the situation.

But still, Omega loved her classes, even if they were difficult. And Crosshair would never say it out loud, but he enjoyed spending time with her and helping her learn, even if it wasn't always the easiest.

It seemed, though, that her teacher didn't agree with his methods.

Hunter looks up from the datapad and places it on the counter. He takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly, and reaches across to pat Omega's shoulder. "It's okay. We can work with this."

She shrugs him off and hops down from the stool, gathering her things and stuffing them into her bag. When she tries to reach for the datapad, Hunter snatches it up and holds it out of her reach.

"Give it to me, Hunter."

"No. We're going to talk about this, Omega."

"There's nothing to talk about," she mutters, trying again and failing to grab the datapad.

Crosshair takes that as his cue. He steps into the kitchen and drops the basket of laundry onto the ground by his feet, the force of the landing enough to get their attention.

"Oh, good," Hunter says, looking at Crosshair. "You're home."

"Yep." Crosshair pops the 'p' and folds his arms, leaning back against the wall. He meets Omega's eyes for a moment, and the look on her face is like a punch to the gut. She looks defeated, and it's not a look that suits her.

He hates seeing her upset, especially over something so trivial. It's a report, and not even a very important one. It's not like her grades in the other classes were suffering. She was passing every single one of them with flying colors. It's just this one assignment, this one class, this one teacher who seems hellbent on making her feel bad about herself.

Crosshair can feel the rage bubbling under the surface. How dare her teacher give her a score that low, and why? Because of his help? That was his job, and he was doing it.

"What's going on?" Crosshair asks. He's still staring at Omega, trying to get her to look up at him, to meet his gaze, but she's not taking the bait. She's got her arms folded, her shoulders tense, and her lower lip juts out as she pouts at Hunter.

"I told her we'd talk about it, and she doesn't want to." Hunter sets the datapad back down, sliding it across the counter.

Crosshair picks it up, glancing at the words on the screen before scrolling through the report. It's an analysis, one he's read a million times. He doesn't bother skimming it, because he already knows exactly what she wrote. It's a decent summary of the text, and her thoughts and opinions are written plainly and with an obvious understanding of what the author meant. It's not her fault her teacher wanted her to interpret the text the way a typical thirteen-year-old might, but that wasn't who Omega was.

He glances back up at Hunter. "And what is there to talk about?"

"Well, her teacher doesn't seem to agree with her analysis," Hunter says. He nods at the datapad in Crosshair's hand. "The comments."

Crosshair finds the section in question and reads over the notes. It's a lot of the same, just worded a bit differently, but one comment sticks out among the rest.

Please try to stick to the original meaning of the text, Omega. You did well explaining how your interpretation differed from the traditional meaning, but try to focus on the actual story. 

It's the most condescending, ridiculous thing Crosshair has ever read, and he has to keep himself from throwing the datapad at the wall. He has to remind himself that doing that would only make Omega feel worse, and he doesn't want to upset her.

Instead, he takes a deep breath and hands the datapad back to her.

"This is stupid," he says, and he can see Hunter's eye twitch at his choice of words. "I read the text. I know what it means, and you know what it means. What, are you supposed to go through the entire thing and find the most cliche, obvious way of reading it?"

"No," Omega mumbles.

"Right," he agrees. "So then why is she giving you a low grade for your own thoughts and opinions?"

Omega shrugs. She's frowning, staring down at the datapad like it personally offended her.

And Crosshair knows that feeling, intimately. It's the same way he'd stare at the training room floor whenever a drill sergeant would call him a failure. It grates on his nerves, and he's half-tempted to find the teacher's home address and tell her just how wrong she is.

"But I'm doing it wrong," Omega says, her voice small and defeated.

Hunter is glaring at him now, but Crosshair can't find it in him to care.

"No, you're not," Crosshair insists, and he takes a seat beside her at the counter. "You did your research. You did everything you were supposed to, and you wrote a report about what you think it meant. What's wrong with that?"

Omega shrugs again, and he can see her hands balling up into fists.

The sight alone is enough to set him on edge. His entire body feels like a coiled spring, his muscles tense and ready to go. He hates seeing her like this. She's a bright kid, always smiling and happy, and to see her so down on herself makes him feel ill, and the last thing he wants is for her to think she's failed somehow.

Crosshair doesn't know why the teacher doesn't understand that, doesn't appreciate how amazing it is that a girl her age is even capable of writing a paper like this. Maybe, somewhere deep down, the teacher does get it. Maybe she's just pushing her own agenda. It wouldn't surprise Crosshair in the slightest, and the more he thinks about it, the more annoyed he gets.

"Maybe I should comm her," Hunter says, interrupting his train of thought.

Crosshair snaps his head around, glaring daggers at his brother. "No."

"Excuse me?"

"Don't comm her." He pushes himself away from the counter and stands. "I'll handle this."

Hunter stares at him, one eyebrow raised, clearly confused. "Handle it?"

"Yeah. I'm gonna talk to her."

"Cross," Hunter says, but he doesn't finish his sentence.

Crosshair doesn't stick around long enough to hear the end of it. He's already halfway out the door, pulling his jacket off the hook, and slamming the door shut behind him.

Crosshair is pissed.

He doesn't often get angry. Annoyed, frustrated, irritated, yes. All those are familiar. But angry? Angry is not something he deals with. He can't stand it, the way his chest feels like it's about to explode, the way his heart rate picks up and his stomach feels sick. Anger makes him feel out of control, and the last thing he wants is to lose the little self-control he does have.

But now?

Now, he's angry.

Omega doesn't deserve to be treated like this. She doesn't deserve the way her teacher is talking to her, telling her she's doing something wrong when she isn't. If anything, the teacher should be grateful that Omega is even bothering to read the texts in the first place, that she's putting in the effort to analyze the meanings behind them.

He's so caught up in his own thoughts, he barely realizes how far he's gone. It's only when he spots the school, the tall building looming in the distance, does he realize he's halfway across town, and the sun is starting to dip below the horizon.

He slows his pace, taking a moment to catch his breath, and glances around. He's only been here a few times, just long enough to drop Omega off at the start of the day or pick her up after. He's never actually been inside, never even met a single one of her teachers, and he has no idea where her classroom even is.

A sign points him towards the front entrance, and he follows it. There's a handful of other parents waiting around the main entrance, all of them talking and laughing and joking with one another. A few of them glance his way, watching him curiously as he approaches the doors.

He ignores them, slipping inside and letting the doors close behind him. The hallways are quiet, and the sound of his boots against the tile echoes throughout the empty halls. He's not entirely sure where he's going, but he figures it can't be that hard to find her classroom.

It isn't.

It takes him less than a minute to locate her name, next to a door decorated with bright colors and images of what he assumes are the characters from a few of the stories they've read. He doesn't stop to admire the decorations, though. He doesn't stop at all, really. He pushes the door open and walks right inside, his eyes scanning the room.

The rows of chairs and desks are empty, but the one near the holoboard at the front of the room is occupied. There's a human woman sitting there, head bowed over a desk as she writes, and Crosshair strides up to her without hesitation.

"I want to talk about the report you gave Omega," he says, his voice tight, barely able to contain his anger. The woman looks up, clearly startled, and blinks owlishly at him.

The anger coursing through his veins suddenly tempers as he locks eyes with you, and he finds himself at a loss for words.

You're not what he was expecting, not in the slightest. He'd expected someone older, a woman with graying hair and crow's feet, maybe, one who's lived enough years to become old and jaded. Not this. Not you.

Your eyes are wide and bright, and the expression on your face is nothing short of adorable. He's not sure where that word came from, thrust to the forefront of his consciousness with the force of a speeder, but he can't deny that it's accurate. Your hair is tied up in a messy bun, a few loose strands hanging over your face, and there's a small, pink stylus stuck behind your ear. Your lips are slightly parted, a pretty shade of pink that almost matches the color of the pen, and he watches as they slowly form into a small 'o' as you process what's going on.

And then, just as quickly, your expression changes.

The adorableness falls away, and you straighten your posture, your brows furrowing and your lips pulling into a tight line.

"You must be Crosshair."

He frowns. "How did you—"

"She talks about you." You nod, glancing him up and down, and Crosshair has to fight the urge to shrink under your scrutiny. His mouth feels dry, and the sudden change in tone catches him off-guard. He was expecting defensiveness, maybe a little bit of anger. Instead, you sound...

Well, he can't really place it.

Crosshair nods, and he can feel his cheeks heat up. It's probably because he's angry. It has nothing to do with the way you're looking at him, the way your eyes rake over him, or the way your lips are curled up ever so slightly in a hint of a smile.

You clear your throat and gesture to the seat in front of you. He settles in it, not because you told him to, but because it seems like the polite thing to do. And because he wants to sit down.

Once he's seated, you fold your hands and place them on the desk, giving him your full attention. "I'm glad you're here."

That throws him. "You are?"

"Of course," you say, and the smile on your face is nothing short of dazzling. "I've been hoping to meet you for a while now. Omega speaks so highly of you, and I have to say, I was looking forward to finally meeting the man who's been helping her with her assignments."

And then, you do something Crosshair wasn't expecting. You extend your hand, offering a handshake.

He looks down at your hand, your fingers spread out, palm facing up. Your nails are painted a bright shade of pink, and there's a small smear of what looks like ink near the tip of your index finger. He glances up at your face, and you're smiling at him, the corners of your eyes crinkling a bit as you do.

His stomach does a weird flip, and his chest suddenly feels a lot warmer. He doesn't know what it is about your smile, your eyes, your voice, but it's...nice.

You're nice.

He doesn't take your hand.

You pull it away, but the smile doesn't leave your face. You don't seem offended or hurt, and you're still looking at him with an expression that can only be described as genuine kindness.

Crosshair swallows the lump in his throat. It's getting harder to stay angry, but he does his best to cling to his resolve. 

"You graded her report wrong,” he hisses.

He expects you to get defensive, maybe even offended. After all, no one likes having their work challenged. But instead, you just sigh.

You look down at your desk, grabbing the stylus and twirling it between your fingers. The light reflects off the smooth surface, glinting off the tip of the tool, and the movement is almost hypnotic. He has to force himself to look away, to focus on your face.

For the first time since he barged into your classroom, he notices the tiredness in your eyes. It's subtle, and he doesn't think anyone else would notice, but the way your shoulders sag is a dead giveaway. You look exhausted, and Crosshair suddenly feels an odd pang of guilty for dropping in on you like this.

Your smile is tight when you look up at him again..

"I can explain my rationale, if you'd like," you say, and it's not a question. It's a statement.

He's not sure if he should be annoyed by that or not, but he nods regardless.

"Thank you." 

You reach for a datapad laying haphazardly across your desk and tap away for a moment, before you hold it out for him to take. His fingers brush yours as he accepts it, and the touch sends a tingle up his arm. He tries not to show it, though, and busies himself by looking over the file as you speak.

"I know Omega has been struggling in my class, and I've done everything I can to make sure she has the support she needs. But, unfortunately, there's not a lot I can do when the curriculum is so..."

You pause, and he raises an eyebrow. "So what?"

"Well, it's not exactly tailored for her," you finish, and the small laugh you let out is strained. You shrug, a gesture that's supposed to be nonchalant, but he can see the tension in your shoulders.

He hums, nodding along as you continue to talk.

"I don't usually get students like Omega, you know? Kids who've already seen the world and have lived through so much more than their peers. And that's great, I mean, it's awesome. She's a brilliant kid, and she has such a great sense of herself, but I'm not equipped to handle a student like her."

Crosshair stops scrolling, his thumb hovering over the screen. He looks up at you, and you're staring back, chewing on your bottom lip.

He swallows the lump in his throat and nods. "So, what does that mean?"

"It means..." You trail off, letting out a sigh and shaking your head. You look away, turning to stare out the window behind you. The sun is setting, and the last rays of the day are reflecting off the buildings in the distance, bathing the room in an orange glow.

He watches the way the light illuminates your face, highlighting the curves and lines. It's not the first time he's found himself admiring the way someone looks, but it's the first time it's left him feeling like his heart's about to burst out of his chest.

It's not until you turn back to face him, the light fading, does he realize he's been holding his breath.

"I'm sorry, what was I saying?" you ask, and he's not sure if it's the lighting or his imagination, but he swears there's a faint flush creeping up your neck and cheeks.

"You were talking about the report," he says, his voice a little softer than usual.

You blink. "Oh, right. Of course." You clear your throat, sitting up a little straighter, and Crosshair has to remind himself not to lean in. "I graded the report based on how she did against the curriculum."

"Which is stupid."

"Yeah, I know." You tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, and Crosshair tracks the movement. "But it's how it works, unfortunately. We have a certain set of standards we have to abide by, and unfortunately, Omega's interpretation of the story was outside those standards."

"So? Her analysis is solid, and you know it," he says.

"It is," you agree, and the corner of your mouth twitches up into a half-smile. Your eyes are soft and full of understanding, and Crosshair has to look away.

"Her argument was well-researched, and her points were valid," you say, and it's with an apologetic tone. "But she also failed to follow directions."

Crosshair blinks.

That's not right.

"What?"

"She was asked to write a report on her thoughts and opinions on a classic work, and her interpretation of the story was excellent, but..."

"But what?" He knows he's being defensive, and he's not sure why, but the thought of you grading her unfairly, giving her a low score because of something that was his fault, makes his blood boil.

He takes a deep breath and leans back in his chair, folding his arms and forcing himself to relax.

You don't seem bothered by his attitude, though. In fact, you just smile at him.

"Well, she did a wonderful job of explaining her interpretation, but she failed to stick to the author's original meaning," you explain. "And while I understand why she was interpreting the text the way she was, and I'm happy she's able to do that, she was asked to write a paper specifically about the author's intended meaning."

Crosshair doesn't respond. He stares at you, his lips pressed together, trying his hardest to stay calm.

He has to admit, it makes sense. You're just doing your job, and the fact that you're even taking the time to explain it to him is a testament to how hard you're trying. But that doesn't make the situation any easier, and the disappointment in Omega’s voice when she'd shown him her report earlier that day is still fresh in his mind.

"It doesn't change the fact that she's brilliant," you say, interrupting his train of thought.

He snaps his head up, staring at you, and the expression on your face is almost...tender. You're not just saying it to placate him, or to try and get him to leave. No, you mean it. He didn't realize just how much you cared about his sister, and he's taken aback by how sincere you are.

"Omega is an incredibly intelligent young woman, and I am in awe of her every day." You lean forward, your elbows resting on the desk. You're smiling, but there's a hint of sadness in your eyes, and the way you speak, the words that spill out of your mouth, are genuine. "I can't begin to imagine the things she's been through, and I know that's not an excuse for how difficult I've been, but I'm sorry. I really am."

The anger he'd been holding onto melts away, replaced by a strange mixture of pride and confusion. He's proud that you care so much about Omega, and confused by how much it seems to affect him. He'd expected you to be stubborn, maybe even rude. But this? This isn't anything like the image he'd conjured up in his mind.

It's...

Nice.

"So, what now?" he asks.

"Well," you start, and the smile on your face turns mischievous, "you're welcome to challenge my grade. You can go to the school board, or we can go to the principal's office. You could even submit a formal complaint, or—"

"No," he interrupts, and his cheeks flush when he realizes how fast the word came out. He clears his throat, trying to compose himself, and says, "I meant, what do we do? To help her?"

"Oh." You blink, clearly surprised.

He's not sure why. Does he come off as the type of person who would file a formal complaint over a grade?

Probably, actually.

"Right," you say, and you take a moment to collect your thoughts. "Well, there's not a lot we can do. This was her last chance to make up for her last test score, and I'm afraid she'll have to repeat the class next year."

"There has to be something you can do," he insists. The words fall out of his mouth before his brain catches up, and he's already cringing internally at how desperate he sounds.

"Look," you sigh. "You're not the first parent to come in here at the end of the semester and ask me to raise a grade. But, if I raised Omega's grade, then I would have to raise the grades of everyone else who turned in a similar report. And I can't do that."

"You can't be serious," he scoffs, rolling his eyes.

"I am," you say, an edge to your voice. "It wouldn't be fair."

"Life's not fair."

"Yeah, no kidding." You huff a humorless laugh. Your lips purse, and he can tell you're holding back a glare. 

He knows he's pushing his luck, and he's starting to feel like an idiot, but he can't help himself.

"You can't honestly tell me that there's nothing we can do."

Your eyes flicker away from his, and your gaze drifts down to the datapad. He can see your mind working, can see the gears turning as you mull over your options. You chew on your lower lip, and Crosshair tries not to stare, but it's a struggle.

He's never met someone who could have him going from angry to intrigued in the span of a few minutes, and he's not sure why he's so fixated on you. Maybe it's the way you're not afraid to stand your ground against him, or maybe it's the fact that you seem genuinely concerned about his sister's wellbeing. Or maybe it's just the way you look, with your bright eyes and kind smile, and the way you're clearly trying your best to make a difference.

Whatever it is, it's working.

"There is one thing," you say, after what feels like an eternity.

"What?"

You take a deep breath, as if bracing yourself, and meet his eyes.

"I can't raise her grade, but I could offer her some extra credit, if she'd like. It's not a guarantee, and I'd have to see her improvement before I decided to give her the points, but it's an option."

"Yes." The word slips out before he can stop himself, and he mentally curses at his own eagerness.

You arch an eyebrow.

"She'd like that." He clears his throat and forces himself to sound casual, unbothered. "If you're willing."

"Of course." You smile at him, and the warmth that spreads through his chest is...weird. But not unpleasant.

He's not sure what he did to deserve that look, that smile, but he decides he doesn't hate it.

"I'll tell her," he says, and he gets to his feet.

You stand as well, and the height difference between the two of you is not lost on him. He has to look down to meet your eyes, and the way you have to tilt your head up makes him feel strangely amused.

He's used to looking down at people, and most of the time, it makes him feel superior. But right now, he just feels...

Well, he doesn't really know how to describe it.

"Thanks," he says, and the word sounds foreign on his tongue. It's not something he's used to saying, especially to a stranger. He's not even sure what he's thanking you for, exactly, but it feels appropriate.

"You're welcome," you say, a grin on your face that's almost too wide, too bright, too much. "Oh, one more thing."

He hums, and you take a step closer around the desk. You're a foot or so away from him, close enough that he can smell the perfume you use, the floral scent filling his senses. He swallows hard and tries to ignore the way his pulse is racing.

You're not making this easy for him.

"We had a chaperone drop out last minute for the end of the year field trip," you explain. "If you have the time, would you be interested in helping me out? We're going to the spaceport museum."

Crosshair has no interest in a bunch of kids running around a museum, and he's about to decline, but the look on your face stops him.

The pleading look in your eyes, the way your eyebrows are knitted together, the slight pout of your lips. He knows what you're doing, and he doesn't like it. He's not the kind of man who caves to pretty girls asking him for favors, and he's definitely not going to cave now.

He's stronger than this. He can resist the urge. He's a trained soldier, a skilled marksman, and he's not about to give in to the will of a cute teacher.

He's stronger than this.

"I'll do it," he hears himself say.

Fuck.

"Perfect." Your eyes light up, and your smile widens. You're practically beaming, and it's like looking directly at the sun. "I'll send you the details. Thank you, Crosshair. I'll see you soon."

"Yeah," he says, struggling to think of a clever response, but coming up empty. He doesn't have a chance to say anything else before you're practically shoving him out the door.

When he turns back to face you, he sees you wave, and then the door is shut, and you're gone.

The silence of the hallways is suddenly too much, and he has to force himself to take a deep breath.

He's in trouble.

The trip is a nightmare.

It's not your fault. If anything, you've gone above and beyond to keep the kids in line. Crosshair's watched you run after them, chasing them through the exhibit and reminding them that they're not allowed to touch things. And, for the most part, the kids are well-behaved. There are a handful of them that seem to have a problem listening, but you've got the rest under control.

He has to hand it to you. It's impressive, and a little endearing, how hard you're trying. He knows you're exhausted, can see it in the way your shoulders sag when the kids start talking over you, can see it in the way you sigh when one of them pushes their way past you.

But the kids are bored, and he can't blame them. It's a pretty lame field trip, and he doesn't really understand the point of bringing them here. What is a museum, anyway, if not a place to look at cool, old ships?

So far, all they've done is look at boring, historical texts, and listen to you drone on about the importance of space travel and the role its played in storytelling throughout the galaxy.

The whole thing is dull, and he doesn't have the patience for this. He wants to go home and do literally anything else, and if he has to listen to one more kid whine about being bored, he's going to scream.

At least, that's what he tells himself.

Really, he's not bored.

In fact, he's quite the opposite.

He's fascinated.

It's the way you speak, the passion and excitement in your voice. He finds himself watching the way your lips move, the way your eyes sparkle with amusement. It's the same sparkle they had the other night, when he'd confronted you in the classroom. It's the same one that's been haunting him for the past week, and it's the reason why he's stuck here, in a crowded museum, surrounded by dozens of prepubescent teenagers, all while his brothers are back at home, probably having fun without him.

And, as if things weren't already bad enough, you're wearing the cutest outfit he's ever seen. It's a dress, the kind that flows down to your ankles, and it's got tiny flowers all over it. Your hair is pulled up into a high ponytail, tied back with a pink ribbon, and it swishes back and forth as you walk.

Crosshair's not usually one for dresses, and he's definitely not a fan of the color pink. But on you? It works.

It's almost unfair, really.

No, it's extremely unfair.

He's spent the entire day stealing glances at you, trying his best not to be obvious, and Omega is catching onto him. She keeps smirking at him, her eyes narrowed, and he's pretty sure she's been teasing him. He'll get caught staring at you, and she'll elbow him in the ribs and wink at him.

It's annoying, and he hates it.

Not as much as he hates himself, though.

Because he knows better. He knows it's wrong, knows it's stupid, and yet, he can't seem to stop himself.

And the worst part is, you don't even seem to notice. You're so busy trying to keep the kids in check, to keep them from causing a scene, that you're not paying any attention to him. He's grateful for that, because he's not sure how he'd handle the embarrassment.

But, at the same time, he wishes you would look at him. Just once. Just a quick glance, a tiny smile, a small nod. Something.

He sighs.

It's been a long day, and he's tired.

He's standing near the entrance, keeping an eye on the group of students, Omega included. They're currently huddled around a holoexhibit, and he watches as you answer their questions and explain the significance of each ship. You have the patience of a saint, and he has no idea how you do it. The questions they're asking are ridiculous, and a few of them are just flat out wrong.

Crosshair's tempted to go over and tell them how stupid they are, to get them to give you a break, but he refrains. He's not supposed to be getting involved, after all. This is your job, and he's just here to make sure the kids stay safe.

But he's not about to let them cause a scene.

A flash of metal catches his attention, and he frowns. One of the kids, a Rodian, is standing on a platform, and his hand is hovering over a lever. Crosshair doesn't need to read the label to know what the kid is thinking. He's been watching this one eye this exact display all morning, and he's been waiting for him to finally get brave enough to try his luck.

The kid reaches out, and before he can touch the lever, Crosshair strides across the room. He grabs his wrist, his grip firm, and pulls his hand away. The Rodian squawks in surprise, and Crosshair glares down at him. He's not tall, not for a Rodian, and it's easy for Crosshair to loom over him.

"Don't touch that," he growls.

"I-I wasn't gonna," the kid stammers, and his eyes dart towards the exit. He looks ready to bolt, and Crosshair would find it funny if it weren't for the way the rest of the kids are staring at him.

"Bullshit."

"Language," you scold, and Crosshair turns his head to see you approaching him, an exasperated look on your face. You have your hands on your hips, and you look like you're ready to lecture him instead of the kid who was about to activate the simulator without permission.

He raises an eyebrow at you, challenging you.

"You shouldn't swear in front of children," you say, your tone matter-of-fact.

"Well, maybe they shouldn't touch shit that's not theirs," he retorts, and he shoots the kid a pointed look.

"Crosshair!"

You're glaring at him now, and he knows he should feel bad, but he doesn't. He can't. Your cheeks are flushed, and your brows are furrowed, and you're trying so hard to look stern and serious, but it's not working. He's not sure why, but seeing you angry is a lot more appealing than it should be.

It makes him want to push your buttons.

"If I catch you touching this again, I'll throw you out," he warns the kid, and he lets go of his wrist. "Got it?"

The kid nods, and then he's dashing back to the rest of the group, a look of fear on his face.

"What is wrong with you?" you demand, and Crosshair looks down at you, fighting the urge to smirk. You're still glaring at him, but the flush on your cheeks is a shade darker now, and he can't help but feel a little proud of himself.

"I'm just doing my job," he says, and the smirk he'd been fighting is making its way onto his face now.

Your eyes widen. "Your job is to make sure the kids are safe, not threaten them."

"I wasn't threatening him," he scoffs.

"Yes, you were."

"No, I wasn't."

"Yes, you—"

"Okay, fine, maybe I was. A little," he admits, and you shake your head, a huff escaping you. The glare falls away, and the look on your face is softer now, a little less annoyed, and a lot more amused.

"I had it handled," you tell him, and there's a hint of teasing in your tone now, too.

"Yeah, it looked like it."

"Crosshair," you warn, but the corners of your lips are twitching upwards, betraying the seriousness of your voice.

"What? I'm just trying to help," he says, and the shrug he gives is a little more smug than it should be.

Crosshair isn't trying to antagonize you, not really. He's just...testing the waters, he supposes. Seeing how far he can push you, seeing how much you can take before you crack, and he has to admit that you're holding up pretty well so far. Most people would've told him off, or stormed off by now, but not you.

No, you're still here.

You're standing in front of him, your arms folded across your chest, trying your very best not to smile at him.

You're enjoying this.

The realization hits him like a punch to the gut, and he has to force himself to breathe normally. He's not sure why that's such a revelation, but it is. You're enjoying his company, enjoying the back-and-forth, and it makes him feel lighter than air.

"Are you always this much of an ass?" you ask, and his eyes widen at the sudden vulgarity, but he recovers quickly. He likes it, actually. The bluntness, the honesty. It's refreshing, and a lot more than he expected from you.

Crosshair smirks. "Now who's swearing in front of children?"

"They're not paying attention."

"Oh, right, because the exhibit on the history of intergalactic trade is so exciting," he says, and you snort, shaking your head.

"Yeah, you're not wrong," you admit, and he chuckles.

"I know."

"Of course you do," you mutter sarcastically. But, the annoyance has faded, and there's a smile on your face as you turn to look at the kids, so Crosshair considers it a win.

You stand there, next to him, your arms folded, and you watch as the kids slowly make their way through the exhibit. They're talking among themselves, completely oblivious to the exchange between the two of you. It's a bit of a relief, because he's not sure what they would make of the fact that he's flirting with their teacher.

Is he flirting?

No, that's not right.

He's not flirting.

He's just being...friendly. He's just making conversation, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's not his fault that you're easy to talk to.

Omega is the only one looking in his direction, and he doesn't miss the grin on her face. He shoots her a look, a warning, and she winks at him. He glares, and she sticks her tongue out.

Great.

He's definitely going to hear about this later.

"You're not exactly what I was expecting," you say quietly. 

Crosshair looks back at you, his heart skipping a beat when he realizes just how close you are. You're standing next to him, shoulder to shoulder, and you're looking up at him, the same sparkle in your eyes as before. There’s a hint of a smile on your lips, and you seem...pleased.

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" he asks, and he's almost afraid to know the answer.

"A good thing, of course." You nudge him playfully with your elbow, and the touch sends a jolt of electricity up his arm. "I'm glad I was wrong."

"Yeah, me too."

You laugh at that, and he smiles, more than a little pleased with himself. It's an unexpected, but pleasant, reaction, and he finds himself wanting to make you laugh again.

"Anyway," you say, taking a step back. "Thanks for keeping the kids in line. I really appreciate it."

He shrugs. "It's nothing."

"No, really." You look up at him, your eyes bright, and you give him a sympathetic smile. "I know this isn't exactly what you signed up for."

"It's not so bad."

You raise an eyebrow, clearly skeptical.

"I mean, it's boring as hell," he admits, and the way your nose scrunches up as you laugh is adorable. He clears his throat and tries to focus. "But it's not awful. The company's...bearable."

You tilt your head to the side, and your eyes narrow. "Thanks, I think."

"Don't mention it."

"So," you start, a slight hesitation in your voice, "does this mean you're not going to file a complaint against me?"

"I wouldn't go that far," Crosshair teases. The way your eyes widen is enough to make him chuckle. "But I guess I can let it slide. For now."

"For now," you repeat, and you let out a breath. You shake your head and look up at him, the ghost of a smile on your lips. "Well, I'll take it. Now, let's get back to the kids, shall we?"

"After you," he says, gesturing for you to lead the way.

He follows after you, and he tries his best not to stare at the sway of your hips as you walk. He fails, but only a little bit.

And, if he catches you glancing back at him every so often, well, he's not complaining.

Omega is practically bouncing on her heels as they make their way down the street, heading home from the school. She's talking a mile a minute, her eyes bright, and she's still somehow full of energy despite the long day they've had. Crosshair can't quite keep up with her, and he's having trouble focusing on her words. He has no idea how you manage to do this every day, and he feels a little bad for thinking that teaching is an easy job.

She's going on about the trip, how much fun she had, and she's not slowing down. Crosshair doesn't mind, though. He's content to listen to her, and he's not going to stop her from gushing about her day. He does the same thing for her he’s always done for Tech, humming and nodding in the right places, and he knows that it makes her feel good to talk.

Besides, he's too distracted by his own thoughts to focus on what she's saying.

He's spent the last hour replaying the events of the day in his mind, trying to make sense of everything. The way you'd looked at him, the way you'd laughed, the way you'd teased him. It's all a little overwhelming, and he's not sure how to process it.

Crosshair isn't the kind of person who gets all worked up over a pretty girl. He’s not even the kind of person who gets all worked up, period.

But something about you, the way you carry yourself, the way you smile, the way you look at him. It's different.

You're different.

He doesn't know what to do with that information, and he's not sure he likes it. For all he knows, you're just being nice, just trying to be polite so he doesn’t give you a hard time. It wouldn't be the first time someone's done that.

Crosshair has been told his whole life that he's difficult to deal with, and he's learned to live with that. He's used to people being afraid of him, and he's used to people not wanting to be around him. He used to take pride in the fact that people were scared of him, but lately, it's started to wear on him.

Maybe it's because of his brothers, the way they've started to change, the way they've become softer. Or maybe it's because of Omega, the way she looks up to him, the way she trusts him, the way she thinks he's capable of great things.

Either way, he can't deny that he's a little lonely.

And maybe a little curious.

"Crosshair," Omega says, and the sharpness in her voice catches his attention. She's stopped walking, and she's giving him a look, her eyes narrowed. "Are you even listening to me?"

"Huh?" He blinks, and then he frowns. "Yeah, of course."

"Then, what did I just say?" she challenges, her hands on her hips, her head tilted up.

He pauses, and then sighs. "No, not really."

"I knew it!" she exclaims, throwing her hands up. "You were totally spacing out."

"I was not."

"Yes, you were," she argues, and she crosses her arms over her chest. "What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing."

"Really? Because you look like you're thinking about something."

"Nope," he lies. Crosshair turns his head away from her, pretending to look at something else. There's a few vendors pulling in their stands in front of them, closing up for the evening, and he watches them, trying to avoid Omega's gaze. The florist is packing up his display, and the bright, colorful flowers draw his attention. He tries to ignore the fact that they remind him of your dress.

"Are you sure? You seem...weird."

"I'm fine."

"Are you thinking about the field trip?" she asks, and he can hear the smugness in her voice. "About Miss—"

"Omega." He snaps his head back towards her, his eyes wide, and he gives her a warning look.

"What?" she says, feigning innocence, and he groans.

"Just drop it," he mutters, and he turns to keep walking.

"I can't," she says, following after him. She has to jog slightly to keep up with his hurried pace, but it does nothing to deter her. "You like her."

"Of course I like her. She’s nice,” he replies. His tone comes out more defensive than casual, and he grimaces internally.

"No, you really like her."

Crosshair opens his mouth, ready to defend himself. There's no way that's true. It's impossible. He barely knows you, and you're just his sister's teacher. 

Just a pretty, sweet, kind teacher who cares about her students and isn't afraid to push the boundaries to help them learn. Who didn't back down when he challenged her, and didn't hesitate to stand her ground when he was being an ass. 

Who smiles at him and looks at him like he's worth something, like he's important, like he matters. Who laughs at his pathetic attempts at humor and makes him feel like he's not a complete waste of space, like maybe there's something worthwhile inside of him after all. Like maybe, just maybe, there's a chance for him.

Shit.

He shakes his head. "You're crazy."

"Am not," she insists, and she skips in front of him, forcing him to stop. "I won't tell anyone."

"Omega—"

"You know, she's single," she continues with a knowing, smug grin, and it reminds him so much of Hunter that he has to take a deep breath and count to ten before he can speak again. And even then, he's still annoyed.

"How the hell do you know that?" he demands, his eyebrows raised.

"I overheard her talking to the other teachers during lunch," she explains, and the smugness fades, replaced by a sheepish smile.

"You shouldn't eavesdrop," he chastises, though he's a little too preoccupied with the new information to put much force behind the words.

"I didn't mean to," she says with a shrug. "I was looking for her, and I found her, and they were talking about her, so..."

"So, what else did you hear?" he asks, trying his best to sound disinterested.

"Nothing."

"Omega," he warns.

"I didn't hear anything!" she insists, her eyes wide. After a beat, a smirk forms on her face, and her eyes narrow. "Why? Did you want to know something else?"

"No," he snaps, a little too quickly. "Just forget it."

"But—"

"It's not important," he says, cutting her off as he steps around her and continues walking. He hears her groan in frustration, and he smirks to himself. Serves her right.

"Wait!" She hurries after him, her hands gripping the strap of her bag tightly as she catches up. She's practically running now, trying her best to match his long strides, and her breathing is a little heavier than normal. "Crosshair, slow down."

"No."

She huffs. "I'm just saying—"

"Omega, enough."

"I think she likes you, too."

Crosshair stops walking abruptly, and Omega almost collides with him. He turns his head towards her, his eyebrows raised, and she takes a step back.

"What makes you say that?" he asks. He knows he's being foolish, letting her bait him like this, but he can't help himself. The hopeful note in her voice is hard to ignore, and he's suddenly feeling a lot more optimistic than he should.

"Because she kept looking at you," she explains.

"No, she didn't."

"Yes, she did," she argues. "She was looking at you, like, the entire time. The whole trip. I'm surprised you didn't notice."

"You're exaggerating," he mutters, trying to hide the flush in his cheeks.

"I'm not," she says, shaking her head. "I was keeping track."

"You know, if you paid half as much attention to your schoolwork as you do to gossiping, neither of us would be in this mess," he retorts.

"Hey! That's not true," Omega pouts. "I learned everything I need to know about intergalactic trade from Tech. I'm good."

Crosshair can't help but smile at that, and Omega grins back at him. They start walking again, this time a little slower, and she reaches for his hand, grabbing hold of his fingers.

"But you like her, right?" she asks, tilting her head up at him.

"She's...nice," he admits, and the look on her face tells him that's not enough. He sighs and rubs the back of his neck with his prosthetic hand. "I don't know. Maybe."

"You should ask her out."

"Yeah, I don't think that's a good idea," he mutters, shaking his head.

"Why not?"

"I don't know. I barely know her."

"So? Just get to know her," Omega says, and he sighs.

"It's not that simple."

"Why not?"

"Because..." Crosshair hesitates, trying to think of a reason. The truth is, he's never really had to deal with this kind of situation. He's not exactly the best when it comes to social interactions, and his history with romantic relationships is...limited. It's not something he's ever bothered to think about, but now that it's staring him in the face, he feels woefully unprepared.

"What if she says no?"

"Well, what if she says yes?"

Crosshair doesn't respond. If he's being honest, he hadn't even considered the possibility of you saying yes. He'd been so focused on the negative outcome, the embarrassment, the awkwardness, that he'd completely forgotten about the other side of the equation. What if you did say yes? What would he do then? Would he be happy? Relieved? Or would he be even more nervous than before?

"I don't know," he finally admits.

"You should ask her," Omega urges. "At least, think about it."

"Maybe," he says, and she frowns, clearly not satisfied with the answer. He sighs, and then gives her hand a squeeze. "I'll think about it."

"Okay," she grumbles, and the two of them continue walking, falling into a comfortable silence. It's quiet between them all the way to the front door, and he's almost home free, his hand hovering over the sensor pad, when Omega speaks up.

"I'm just saying," she starts, and he groans, "you should go for it."

"I'm done having this conversation," he grumbles as he tugs her inside, slamming the door behind him. He can hear voices coming from the kitchen, and he freezes, holding fast to her wrist.

"You have to promise not to tell them."

"Okay, okay, I promise," she says, rolling her eyes, and she tugs her arm away.

"No, not okay," he says. "If you tell them, I'll kill you."

"Okay, fine," she huffs, and he narrows his eyes at her.

"I'm serious," he says, his tone low, threatening. It doesn't work on Omega, not anymore, and she just looks up at him, unbothered.

"So am I."

"Fine." Crosshair sighs, deflating, and then, before he can stop himself, the words are spilling out. "So, what do I do?"

Omega's face lights up, a grin so wide it nearly splits her face in two, and he regrets the question almost instantly. "I'll help you."

"What?"

"I'll help you," she repeats.

"You're kidding," he deadpans.

"No," she says, shaking her head. "I have a great idea. Trust me."

"Omega—"

"I promise, you won't regret it," she says, and then, she's gone, dashing off towards the kitchen where Hunter and Wrecker are arguing about dinner.

Crosshair watches her go, and then, with a groan, he drags his hand over his face.

What has he gotten himself into?

The next few weeks are a blur. Omega's been keeping him busy, asking him to help her with homework, walking her to and from school, and the whole time, he's wondering when she's going to bring up her big plan.

She managed to get a score high enough on her extra credit in your class to pull her grade up, and Hunter nearly fell over when he found out. You'd sent a letter home with her, letting them know how impressed you were, and both Hunter and Wrecker wouldn't shut up about it for days. Omega's been bragging about it, too, and Crosshair's heard her go on about how smart and amazing and brilliant and perfect you are, over and over again.

She hasn't brought up her big plan again, though, and Crosshair's grateful. She has, however, started dropping hints here and there, meddling in ways that she shouldn't, and it's getting old, fast. 

He's already had to stop her from inviting you over for dinner, twice, and he's not sure how much longer he can keep her from blowing his cover. More than once, Omega's forgotten her datapad at home, and he's had to drop everything to run it to the school. It's a pain in the ass, but at least it gives him an excuse to see you.

And he sees you, a lot more than he should.

He tries not to get too excited about it, tries not to think too hard about what it means, but it's impossible. Omega's made it her mission to get the two of you alone together, and he can't help but feel a bit like a pawn in her scheme, one that she refuses to share with him. Not that it matters, because it's working.

You're talking to him.

In fact, the two of you have spent so much time together over the last few weeks, that it's almost weird when he doesn't see you. Every morning, when he drops Omega off at school, he makes sure to walk her inside. You're always there, and he doesn't miss the way you look up when the door opens or the way you smile when you see him. You're usually sitting at your desk, grading papers, or helping a student, and he's quick to leave before anyone notices how long he's standing there. 

But every once in a while, when he's lucky, you're standing at the front of the room, and the two of you are able to exchange a few words. It's nothing too special, and it's not as if you're exchanging life stories or anything, but it's enough. It's more than he could've hoped for, and it's better than the alternative, which is absolutely nothing. He even brought you coffee one day, after you'd stayed late to work on a project with Omega, and you'd blushed.

Blushed.

For him.

Crosshair would be lying if he said he hadn't enjoyed that. It's nice, having someone to talk to, and it's nice, being able to see you smile. Even if it's only for a minute or two, and even if his brothers are constantly giving him shit for it.

He's not an idiot. He knows they're all watching him, waiting to see how this plays out, and he's doing his best not to give them any ammunition. Omega's already told him, several times, that they're rooting for him, and he's not sure how to feel about that. The last thing he needs is everyone butting into his business, and he's hoping that Omega will keep her word and keep her mouth shut.

He's not going to say anything, not until he's absolutely sure. And, even then, he'll probably wait. The only problem is, he's almost certain he's run out of time.

Crosshair has been keeping a mental countdown, counting down the days until Omega's finished with school, and it's come up a lot sooner than he'd expected. The semester is over, and it's officially summer vacation, which means you're no longer Omega's teacher. And with that, comes an end to whatever small shred of hope he'd had that something might happen, that whatever plan Omega had in mind would work, and the two of you would end up together.

Which is fine.

Really, it's fine.

He's not hurt. He's not disappointed. He's not anything. He doesn't care, not one bit, and he definitely isn't sulking, not at all, because that would be ridiculous.

It's just a crush. A silly, stupid, fleeting thing, and it's not worth getting upset about. It's not like anything would've happened between the two of you. You're way out of his league, and he knows that.

But still.

He can't deny that he misses the daily interaction, the brief exchanges, the occasional smiles. He can't deny that he'd enjoyed it, and now that it's over, he feels a little lost. 

He jumped at the chance to go to the summer festival with everyone, partly because he didn't want to be home alone, and partly because he was hoping to run into you there. Which is stupid, and foolish, and pathetic, but he can't help himself. He'd overheard you telling Omega that you'd be there, and it's the closest thing he has to a sign, and so, he's taking it.

Besides, Hunter practically ordered him to go, so it's not like he had a choice.

So, here he is, standing off to the side, watching the rest of the family enjoying themselves. It's still early, and the real festivities won't begin until the sun starts to set, but everyone is already in a good mood. He tries his best not to ruin it with his attitude, but he knows he's doing a shitty job of it, and it doesn't help that they're teasing him relentlessly.

"You're moping."

Crosshair sighs and rolls his eyes as Hunter bumps him with his elbow. He's been standing next to him, staring out into the crowd, and he doesn't turn his head when his brother speaks.

"No, I'm not," he replies.

"Yes, you are," Hunter says. He takes a sip of his drink, and then, nudges him again. "Is this about your girlfriend?"

"Shut up," Crosshair grumbles, and he elbows him back, a little harder than necessary. Some of Hunter’s drink spills, and he feels a small flash of satisfaction.

"Ow."

"Leave me alone," he says, and Hunter snorts.

"No, I'm not gonna do that," Hunter says, a hint of amusement in his voice. "It's too easy."

Crosshair groans, and turns his head away, trying his best to ignore him. It doesn't work.

"Come on, just ask her out," Hunter urges, and Crosshair glares at him.

He can hear Wrecker snickering behind him, and when he turns around, the look on his face tells him everything he needs to know. He must've been listening in the whole time.

"What's the worst that could happen?" Hunter continues.

"I could make an idiot out of myself," Crosshair replies.

"So? You already do that every day," Wrecker jokes, and he winces when Hunter smacks him.

"Not helping," Hunter mutters, and Wrecker just shrugs.

"Look," Hunter says, turning back towards him, "if she says no, at least you'll know, and you can stop worrying about it."

Crosshair doesn't respond, too caught up in the sight of you weaving your way through the crowd. You're wearing a sundress, a cute little thing that ends just above your knees, and a flower crown sitting atop of your head, and he can't take his eyes off of you. 

You're walking with Omega's art teacher, a Rutian Twi’Lek laden with jewelry, talking and gesturing animatedly. She has her hands full with decorations for the festival, and you're trying to help, but she keeps shooing you away. He can see the pout on your face, and he can't help but smile, just a little, and then you turn your head and catch Crosshair staring.

He doesn't have time to look away.

He doesn't even have time to try.

Instead, he watches, frozen, as your eyes lock with his. Your face lights up, a bright smile on your lips, and you wave at him. He feels his hand lift in acknowledgement despite himself, and he can't stop the way his lips quirk up into a half-smile. 

He can see Omega trailing after the two of you, a stack of posters in her hands, and she's saying something, but he can't hear her. The only thing he can hear is his heart pounding in his ears, and the only thing he can see is you, your face flushed, and a look in your eyes that's far too soft for him to know what to do with.

"Wow," Hunter says, breaking the spell, and he blinks, the image of you in front of him fading, replaced by his brother's annoying smirk.

"What?"

"I knew you liked her, but I didn't know it was this bad," Hunter says.

"Oh, come on," Wrecker teases, a big grin spreading across his face. "He's in love."

Crosshair can't stop the growl of frustration that leaves him, and the sound makes his brothers laugh. He wants to shove them, or punch them, or something, but he doesn't have the chance.

You’re walking over.

You're heading in their direction, and Crosshair panics, unsure of what to do. He doesn't know how to be anything other than aloof and rude, and he's afraid he'll say something stupid and embarrass himself. He doesn't want to mess this up, and he's terrified he'll ruin everything if he says the wrong thing.

He looks at Hunter, a desperate plea in his eyes, but his brother is no help. Instead, he just smirks and shrugs, nudging Wrecker.

"We should go check on Omega," he says, his tone is casual. "C'mon, Wrecker."

Wrecker doesn't argue, and he doesn't hesitate, following Hunter without a word. Before he can blink, they're gone, and it's just the two of you. Crosshair's not sure if it's better or worse.

"Hi," you say, your voice soft as you come to a stop in front of him.

Your cheeks are flushed, and you're fidgeting. He finds it endearing, and the fact that you're just as flustered as he is makes him feel a little bit better.

"Hey," he says, his voice coming out a bit raspier than he'd intended. He clears his throat, and then nods towards your companion. "Are you having fun?"

You tilt your head and look back over your shoulder, and Crosshair doesn't miss the slight roll of your eyes.

"Yeah, I'm having a blast," you deadpan, and he can't help but laugh. He's grown used to your particular brand of sarcasm over the past few weeks, the kind that only seems to come out when he's around, and he's come to enjoy the way it sounds when it's aimed at someone else.

"Don't worry," he says, "we can be miserable together."

"Well, that's not very festive," you reply, and there's a teasing edge to your voice. "What did the festival ever do to you?"

"Nothing, I just don't like people."

"Fair enough," you say with a laugh. "So, what brings you here?"

"Omega."

"Ah." You nod, and a soft smile forms on your face. "Of course. She told me you'll be helping us out later. Thanks, by the way."

Crosshair raises an eyebrow.

This is news to him.

"Uh, yeah," he says slowly, his eyes narrowing. "What did she say, exactly?"

"She said you'd be helping with the games." You tilt your head and look up at him, confusion in your eyes. "Is that...not true?"

He stares back at you, unsure of what to say. He's never agreed to anything like that, and the idea of working with children is...unappealing, to say the least. He can't imagine why Omega would've said that.

The realization hits him, and his eyes widen.

That little brat.

She set him up.

She's been planning this, and he was too distracted with moping to realize it. He'd let her walk all over him, and now, he's going to have to play along. Because there's no way in hell he's going to tell you the truth, not now, not when you're looking up at him, expectant and hopeful.

"Yeah, no," he lies, shaking his head. "She's right. I'll be there."

"Great," you say, and he's pretty sure you actually mean it. "I'm running the scavenger hunt. And, if you wanted, I could use a partner."

Crosshair blinks, brain stuttering over the word partner, and he must look like an idiot, because you start to backtrack.

"But, you probably have better things to do. I'm sure there's someone else who would love to help. I just thought—"

"No, no, I'll help," he interrupts, and you stop, giving him a grateful look.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Your smile is so bright, so radiant, that it makes his heart ache. He can't remember the last time someone was this happy to spend time with him. He's not used to feeling wanted, and the knowledge that you enjoy his company fills him with a sense of pride he's not quite prepared for.

"But," he starts, his eyebrows raised, "you owe me."

"I know, I know," you say with a laugh. "Anything you want."

"I'm serious," he insists, though the smirk on his face betrays his words. "I'm doing this under duress. I'm being held against my will."

"I'll make it worth your while," you tease, and the way your eyes flash, the playful look in them, is almost enough to make him forget how to breathe. He tries not to focus on it, tries not to dwell on the way his mind immediately goes to some very interesting places, but it's a losing battle. He's sure his cheeks are red, and the knowing look in your eyes doesn't help.

"Uh," he says, his voice strangled, and he has to clear his throat again before he can continue. "Good.”

"Good," you repeat, and the smile on your face turns shy. You take a step back, and then another, and the look in your eyes is...different, softer, and a little more vulnerable. It makes his stomach twist. "Well, I should probably go. But, I'll see you later, right?"

He nods, and you grin. You wave goodbye and walk away, and Crosshair watches you go, a small smile on his face. He shakes his head and rolls his eyes at himself, but he can't stop smiling. It's a dumb thing to be happy about, but it's nice, knowing that you're looking forward to seeing him. And the way you'd looked at him, the hopeful look in your eyes, the shyness, the blush on your cheeks. He can't stop thinking about it.

It's just a crush, and it'll go away eventually. It's just a silly little thing, and it'll fade away. You'll be gone, and he'll be left behind, and everything will go back to normal. He'll get over it.

But, as he stands there, watching you laugh and smile and talk to the others, the sight of you making him feel things that he's not quite ready to admit, he can't help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, he doesn't want it to.

By the time the sun sets, the courtyard is packed. The vendors have all set up their stalls, the games have begun, and the music is blaring. Crosshair stays close to Wrecker, using his bulk to help him avoid the crowds, and does his best to ignore the children running around. Wrecker's not much help. He keeps wandering off, getting distracted by the food or the games, and Crosshair is left to wander around alone.

It's not all bad, though.

He's able to keep an eye on Omega, and that's enough to keep him occupied. He knows she can take care of herself, but it's hard for him to relax when she's not within eyesight. And, every once in a while, you catch his eye. You're busy, running from place to place, and he knows that you don't have time to stop and chat, but the small, shy smiles that you give him are enough to put him at ease.

It's a nice distraction, and it helps him stay focused, which is a good thing. Because, before he knows it, it's time for the scavenger hunt. Omega drags him over to the table where you’re waiting, and he can't help but smile at the enthusiasm in your voice.

"I'm so glad you could make it," you say, and the look in your eyes tells him that you really mean it.

At his side, Omega looks far too proud of herself. Crosshair narrows his eyes at her, and she gives him a toothy grin in return.

"Me too," he mutters, and you laugh.

"Come on," you say, grabbing a basket from the table. "Let's get started."

Crosshair nods, and he stands back as you hand out datapads and explain rules to the crowd that’s formed around them. He's not paying attention. He's watching you, listening to your voice, enjoying the way you look in the light of Pabu’s setting sun, and it's a nice moment. That is, until Omega elbows him, and he startles.

"What?"

“She likes you," she whispers conspiratorially, her hand cupped over her mouth.

"Shut up," he hisses.

Omega giggles, and he glares at her, but it does nothing to wipe the smirk from her face.

"I'm not talking to you," he growls.

"Yeah, you are," she says, her voice laced with amusement. “You’re welcome, by the way.”

Before he can say anything, you announce that the scavenger hunt has started, and the kids are off. Omega joins the crowd, and soon, she's lost among the swarm of children running past them. Crosshair watches her go, his eyebrows furrowed, and then, he turns his attention to you.

You're smiling, waving at the kids, and he can't take his eyes off of you. This was a bad idea. He should've said no. He should've done something, anything, but instead, he'd let himself get roped into helping, and now, he's standing here, watching you, wishing he had the courage to just say something, and it's driving him crazy.

"Thanks again for helping," you say, turning towards him, and he startles, caught off guard.

"Uh, yeah, no problem," he replies. "I was going to be here anyway."

"Yeah, Omega mentioned that."

Crosshair nods, and the two of you settle into an awkward silence. He shifts on his feet, his hands shoved in his pockets, and he stares out into the crowd. You're quiet beside him, and the longer the silence lasts, the more uncomfortable he becomes.

It's not like you to be so quiet. Usually, you're chatting his ear off, asking him questions, trying to get him to open up, and the fact that you haven't said a word is concerning. You’re shuffling datapads and small trinkets around as if looking for something to keep yourself busy, and he's starting to wonder if he's done something wrong.

He's trying not to worry about it, but the longer the silence stretches, the more his mind races. He knows he's overthinking, and the more he thinks about it, the more anxious he becomes.

It's just a crush, he reminds himself.

He doesn't want anything from you. He doesn't need anything from you. He doesn't expect anything from you. But, as he stands there, trying not to dwell on the way his heart is racing, the way his stomach is twisting, the way his breath catches in his throat, he can't help but feel like a bit of an idiot.

He can't help but wonder if you've figured him out. 

Maybe you know, and that's why you're acting so strange. Maybe you can tell, and you're waiting for him to make the first move. Maybe you're nervous, or maybe, you just don't want him to say anything, because you don't feel the same way, and that's why you're keeping your distance. He knows that's a long shot, but it doesn't stop his brain from fixating on the thought. He can't help but think about how much worse it'll be if you do know.

So, he stands there, and the silence stretches on, tension thick in the air as you cast glances at each other. 

It's not until a couple of kids come up and ask for help with the next clue that the tension breaks.

The two of them are young, maybe eight or nine, and they're struggling. They're a cute pair, brother and sister, and they remind him a lot of his siblings. Their parents are nowhere in sight, and they're arguing, bickering, and it’s not until you crouch down to speak to them, taking the datapad from the boy's hands, that they calm down. You explain the next clue to them, and Crosshair watches as the siblings nod, their faces lighting up with understanding.

He wants to keep watching you, but a second pair of kids approach, and then a third. He can see you’re starting to get overwhelmed, and so he picks up a datapad and gets to work.

Soon, the two of you have a rhythm. You help the younger kids while he helps the older ones, and the system seems to work. He finds himself enjoying the task, and he doesn't even realize that an hour has passed until the scavenger hunt is over and the sun has nearly set. The two of you gather up the datapads, and the kids line up in front of the table, ready to receive their prize.

They're all so excited, and they're smiling and laughing and cheering, and it's a nice sight. Crosshair has never been the biggest fan of children, but these ones aren’t so bad.

He doesn't even realize that he's smiling until Omega runs back over to him, her arms outstretched, and she flings herself at him. She grabs hold of his waist, and she squeezes him tight.

"Thanks for helping," she says, her voice muffled, and he has to swallow past the lump in his throat.

"No problem," he replies as she lets go. She's still grinning at him, her eyes bright, and he can't help but reach out and ruffle her hair. "How'd you do?"

"I won," she boasts and slaps his hand away, and he rolls his eyes, unable to keep from smirking.

"Of course you did."

"It wasn't easy," Omega continues, her eyebrows raising as she speaks slowly. "But I had a great partner."

Crosshair sighs, and he gives her a knowing look, which she ignores.

“Don’t screw this up,” she whispers, and then, before he can say anything, she turns on her heel and heads back towards the others.

You're still sitting at the table, and he takes a moment to compose himself before heading over. You're organizing the datapads, sorting them into a bag, and he takes a seat next to you.

"Thanks for the help," you say, and he nods, a hint of a smile on his lips.

"Not a problem."

"You did a good job," you tell him. He ducks his head, a faint blush coloring his cheeks as you continue, “You’re good with them.”

"Well, you're welcome," he says, his voice low. "I have a lot of practice dealing with little brats."

You laugh, and the sound makes his heart swell. You continue sorting the datapads, and he watches you work, his eyes trailing over your features. It's not until you clear your throat that he realizes how long he's been staring.

"So, um," he begins, trying not to think too hard about the fact that he's been caught. "I was thinking..."

You look up. "Yeah?"

"You owe me."

"Huh?"

"You said anything I want," he explains, and the confusion on your face clears.

"Right," you reply, a smirk tugging at the corner of your lips. You stop what you’re doing and turn to face him fully. "And what would that be?"

"Dinner.”

"Dinner?" you repeat, your eyebrows raised, and he nods.

"With me."

"Are you asking me on a date, Crosshair?"

"Yeah," he says, and his heart leaps into his throat when your eyes light up. "I'm asking you on a date."

"Oh," you say, a soft smile on your lips, and he can't help but mirror it. "Well, how could I say no?"

"Great," he replies, and then, after a pause, he asks, "is that a yes?"

"Yes, of course it's a yes,” you chuckle. You shake your head, and then, a teasing smile forms on your face. "Did you think I was gonna say no?"

"Uh," he says, rubbing the back of his neck. "I was prepared for it."

You snort, and the laughter that follows is almost enough to distract him from the way his cheeks are burning. Almost. He looks away, embarrassed, but he can't help but smile.

"Sorry," you say, stifling your laughter, and he shrugs.

"It's fine."

"No, no, I'm not laughing at you," you say. You're biting your lip, trying to stop yourself from smiling, and his eyes narrow. "It's just..."

"What?"

"This whole time," you begin, and you have to bite back another laugh. "I've been trying to figure out how to ask you out."

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah," you admit, and the shy smile on your face is almost too much for him to handle. He can't believe what he's hearing. "I've been waiting for an excuse to spend some time alone with you, but I couldn't think of anything. So, when Omega mentioned you'd be helping out, I figured it would be my chance."

Crosshair shakes his head, trying to process the words. It's a lot to take in. You've been trying to ask him out? All this time, he's been wondering, worrying, and it was all for nothing? You've wanted this, too?

"Oh," is all he can manage, and it's enough to make you laugh again.

"Yeah."

He doesn't know what to say, so he stays silent. You shift next to him, and you place your hand on his arm, the contact sending sparks through his skin. Your touch is light, but it makes his breath catch, and he doesn't miss the way you smile at his reaction.

“So, do you want to watch the fireworks with me?” you ask, your voice soft.

"Yeah, sure," he says. He's trying not to let his excitement show, but judging by the grin on your face, he's not doing a very good job of it.

"Good."

He's expecting you to let go of his arm, but instead, you slide your hand down, and your fingers brush against his, a subtle gesture that makes his heart race. He turns his hand palm up, and you slide yours into it, your touch warm and gentle. His fingers curl around yours, and the smile on your face makes him feel bold.

Crosshair stands, pulling you up with him, and the two of you walk to the edge of the courtyard, hand in hand. It’s quiet now, save for the music playing over the speakers and the soft murmur of conversation, and the sky is dark. There are only a few people left nearby, mostly parents picking up their children, and no one pays the two of you any mind. You squeeze his hand, and he squeezes back, a smile forming on his face.

You lead him down a set of steps, and the two of you make your way towards a spot overlooking the bay. The breeze is cool, and the smell of salt fills the air. Without the lanterns and torches and strings of lights, it's dark, and he can just barely see your face, illuminated by the soft glow of the moon.

There’s a tree behind you, and it offers a bit of privacy, and the two of you settle against it, sitting on the grass. He can see the bay spread out in front of them, and the waves crashing on the beach, a steady rhythm that helps slow his racing heartbeat. 

He's still holding your hand, and he gives it another squeeze. You lean against him, resting your head on his shoulder, and the two of you watch as the fireworks begin. The explosions are loud, and bright, and colorful, and you point out the best ones, and the ones that remind you of him, and the ones that make you laugh. And, as the fireworks continue, as the colors fill the sky, you lean closer, and he pulls you into his arms.

He's not sure how long it lasts, but the longer the fireworks go on, the closer you get, and the more content he becomes. You're sitting between his legs, leaning back against his chest, and his arms are wrapped around you, holding you close.

You turn your head, the movement catching his eye. Your eyes meet his, and the two of you stare at each other, and the fireworks fade away, forgotten.

"Hey," he whispers, and the corner of your mouth twitches.

"Hey."

"This is nice," he says, his voice low.

"Yeah, it is."

You shift, turning towards him, and your face is so close that he can feel your breath on his lips. He knows he should wait, should give you a chance to change your mind, should give himself a chance to talk himself out of it, but he can't. 

"I—"

"Yes," you interrupt, a mischievous glint in your eyes, and he has to laugh.

"You don't even know what I'm going to say," he teases, and you shrug.

"I'm sure it's something good," you say. You reach up, cupping his cheek with your free hand. "Whatever it is, the answer is yes."

He can't stop the smile that forms on his face. He doesn't even try. He just leans in, closing the gap between the two of you, and he kisses you, a soft press of his lips against yours. He feels you sigh against his mouth, and his eyes flutter closed as he loses himself in the kiss.

The fireworks are still going off, but he can barely hear them, and the cheers and laughter and music are distant, a soft hum that fades away. All he can focus on is the feel of your lips against his, the warmth of your body pressed against his, and the soft sound of your breathing.

He feels you smile, and his heart races, and he has to pull back to catch his breath. He opens his eyes, and he's met with the sight of you, your face flushed, and the most beautiful smile he's ever seen.

"That was nice," you say softly, and he scoffs.

“Just nice?" he asks, half-joking and half-serious. He’s just had the best kiss of his life, and if you think it was just nice, then he's got some work to do.

"Well, maybe it was a little more than nice," you tease. The look in your eyes has him leaning in again, his gaze drifting from your eyes to your lips and back.

"Only a little?"

"Yeah, a little."

"Hmm, well, let's try that again," he murmurs, and you laugh, a soft breath against his lips.

"Alright."

Crosshair kisses you again, and this time, the kiss is deeper, slower, and more deliberate. His hands find their way to your hips, pulling you onto his lap, and you don't hesitate to follow his lead. He runs his tongue along your lower lip, and when you moan into his mouth, he feels a thrill rush through him.

Your hands are on his shoulders, and you're straddling his lap as you kiss him back, matching his pace. The feel of your tongue sliding against, and the soft whimper you make when he bites down on your bottom lip, nearly drives him crazy. He grips your hips, and he tugs you closer, the pressure of your weight against him drawing a groan from his mouth into yours. It’s a sound so low and raw that it surprises him, but you don’t seem taken aback by it. If anything, you seem pleased, and it suddenly occurs to him that there’s a lot he doesn’t know about you.

And, for once, he's excited to learn.

He doesn't want this to end, and when you break the kiss, his lips chase yours, unwilling to part just yet. You're gasping, your breath coming in shallow pants, and he rests his forehead against yours, his eyes closed, his fingers digging into your hips.

"You're right," you say, breathless. "Definitely better than nice."

Crosshair laughs, and he opens his eyes. The sight of you, your eyes dark and your cheeks flushed, lips swollen and red, is almost enough to make him let go of the fragile grasp he has on his control. He wants to kiss you again, and again, and again, but the sound of cheering startles him and reminds him of where he is.

He blinks, and he looks around, and then, he lets out a breath. The fireworks are over.

He hadn't realized.

You're still staring at him, a dazed look in your eyes, and when your lips twitch into a smirk, his grip on your hips tightens.

"Don't look at me like that," he warns, his voice raspy.

"Why not?" you ask. Your hand moves from his shoulder to the nape of his neck, fingers brushing against the hairs there, and it sends a shiver down his spine.

"Because I'm trying to be good," Crosshair explains. "And you're making it very difficult."

"I'm sorry," you say, but there's a hint of laughter in your voice that tells him you're not sorry at all.

"Don't be," he replies, and then, with a groan, he continues, "you're worth it."

Your cheeks flush, and he has to fight the urge to lean in and kiss you again. He knows if he does, he'll never be able to stop, and he'd prefer not to scandalize the locals. Or worse, have his brothers catch him in the act. So, instead, he takes a deep breath, and he moves his hands from your hips to your waist.

"Come on," he says, giving you a gentle nudge, and you pout.

"Fine," you sigh, and you give him a quick peck on the cheek before sliding off his lap. You stand and dust yourself off, and then, you offer him a hand. He takes it and lets you help him to his feet. You're still holding his hand as the two of you start walking, heading back up the stairs.

"So," you begin, breaking the silence, "when should we have that date?"

"Are you free tomorrow?"

"You don't waste any time, do you?" you tease, and he rolls his eyes.

“I’ve wasted enough time," Crosshair says, his tone serious, and you give him a look of understanding

"Yeah, me too."

"So, tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow.”

The two of you share a smile, and he leads you back through through the courtyard. You walk slowly, and you let go of his hand, but the loss of contact is quickly forgotten when you lean into him, your shoulder brushing against his. He's tempted to wrap his arm around you, to pull you close, but the idea of having an audience for that makes his stomach turn, so he doesn't. Instead, he just enjoys the feeling of you at his side, and the easy way you fit into his space. 

It doesn’t take long to make it to the point where you part ways, and the two of you linger, neither one of you ready to leave the other.

"I guess this is goodnight," you say, your voice soft.

"I guess so."

You reach out and grab his hand, and you squeeze it, giving him a shy smile. He squeezes back, and then, without thinking, he raises your hand to his lips and presses a soft kiss to the back of it.

The flash of embarrassment that follows is enough to make his face heat, but it's worth it for the way your eyes light up, and the faint blush that colors your skin. You duck your head, and the small, pleased smile on your face has his heart racing.

"Goodnight, Crosshair," you say.

"Goodnight."

You turn away, and he watches you go, his eyes lingering on the sway of your hips, and the way your hair dances in the wind. You don’t make it very far before you turn around, a mischievous grin on your face.

"By the way," you begin, your voice raised, and the smirk on his face fades. "Tell Omega I said thank you.”

Crosshair's eyes narrow, and his mouth opens and closes, his mind stuttering as he tries to process the words.

Omega set him up, and you knew, and this entire night was her idea. He'd known, in the back of his mind, that she'd been plotting something, and yet, it hadn't occurred to him until now just how much that entailed.

That little brat.

He can't decide if he's proud or embarrassed. He settles for a combination of the two, and the amused look on your face tells him that he's doing a poor job of hiding his feelings.

"Goodnight, Crosshair," you call out, a teasing lilt to your voice.

"Goodnight," he calls back, his tone flat.

You wave goodbye, and then, with a final, knowing look, you turn around and walk away.

He waits until you're out of sight before letting out a groan. Crosshair runs his hand down his face, and he shakes his head, trying not to think about how many times he'd made a fool of himself tonight. His siblings were never going to let him live this down. He sighs, and then, with a roll of his eyes, he starts walking.

When he makes it home, he finds them already gathered in the living room, talking amongst themselves. Omega’s chosen a chair that faces the front door, and her head snaps over toward him as soon as he walks in. Wrecker and Hunter catch on quick, and the room falls silent, the three of them watching him.

"So, how'd it go?" Omega asks innocently.

Crosshair glares at her, his eyes narrowed. She meets his gaze, a challenging look on her face, and he closes the front door with more force than necessary.

"It went fine."

"Fine?" Wrecker repeats. "That's it?"

They’re all staring at him now, and he can feel his temper rising, the heat of embarrassment rushing to his cheeks, and his fingers twitch, aching to shoot something. He forces himself to calm down, to remind himself they’re only asking because they care. Crosshair relaxes his shoulders, his jaw unclenching, and then, he lets out a sigh.

"Yes, fine," he says, his voice low. "We're going out tomorrow."

The room erupts into cheers and laughter, and Wrecker stands, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him into a bone-crushing hug. Crosshair squirms, trying to escape, but it's useless.

"Wrecker, let him go," Hunter orders, and Crosshair breathes a sigh of relief when his brother finally releases him.

"Thanks, Wrecker," Crosshair grumbles, only to let out a grunt when Omega barrels into him, her arms wrapped around his waist.

"I told you it would work," she says, and Crosshair reaches down and ruffles her hair.

"Yes, you did," he concedes, and the look of triumph on her face has him rolling his eyes. He sighs and extracts himself from her embrace, and he clears his throat. “She says thanks.”

Omega beams, and Wrecker and Hunter laugh, clapping him on the back. They congratulate him, teasing him, and he bears it as best he can, trying not to show how happy he is even as his heart races, and a warm feeling spreads through him.

He hadn't thought he'd have this again, a family, people who cared about him, and he hadn't dared to hope that he'd find something else, something more. He hadn't even known what he was missing until he met you.

And, for the first time in a long time, he's excited for the future.

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[cosmicjoke]

Ideally, if Ash had been able to live at the end of Banana Fish and was able to remain in America and separate himself from gang life, what career do you think he would have enjoyed going into? :) I always think that’s one of the saddest aspects of Banana Fish, how abuse deprived the world of someone with so much potential, and of course, how much that abuse damaged Ash’s own perception of his value and potential.

Man, that's such a good question, and I couldn't agree more, that one of the greatest tragedies of Banana Fish and Ash's death is that it robbed the world of such an exceptional person in Ash.

I think Ash could have been just about anything he wanted to be. Eiji points out to him at one point that Ash would make a great model, and given Ash's looks, he could have easily gone into that field. Though given Ash's history and what he endured, I don't think modeling would be a very healthy business for him to have gone into.

I think Ash was really a nerd at heart. He was a mathematical genius, and I always got the impression he enjoyed it too, so he could have gone into maths or some other, scientific field and no doubt have made a real name for himself. Given his immense brilliance, knowing he had an IQ of 210+, he no doubt would have ended up pioneering in those fields.

Ash also had an immense grasp of global politics and military strategy and tactics. He probably could have become a politician or a general even, if he'd really have wanted to. But, again, I don't think Ash would have ever had any real interest in those things. I think he understood only too well how corrupt that world is, and the sorts of power mongers it attracts. Ash was never interested in wielding power, despite being naturally gifted as a leader.

Basically, I think Ash would have eventually ended up in some sort of academic field of study. Even literature would have interested him, given what a voracious reader we know he was, etc... Some sort of science or math would be my guess.

The sky was sort of the limit on Ash's potential. It truly is one of BF's greatest tragedies, that we'll never know what Ash could have actually accomplished, if only he'd been given the chance.

[cheeriecherrymain]

hey! for the headcannons you're doing what ab viktor with a reader who isn't exactly that smart? like she has trouble grasping subjects like science and math but is good at art or something. thank you💛

Whoever said that not knowing math and/or science makes you dumb is a butthead and a liar - intelligence comes in so many forms, and all of them are important and worthy of praise.

Viktor x Reader (SFW)

-You’re probably a friend of Jayce’s, and that’s how you initially meet Viktor.

-You come to visit them at the lab one day, bringing a box of miscellaneous snacks and a thermos of coffee. Viktor initially believes that the snacks are probably just for Jayce, because why would you bring something for someone you didn’t know?

-But then you introduce yourself to him as well, and happily offer your trove.

-He’s not exactly off-put, but he definitely thinks that you’re just being polite because Jayce is there.

-You start coming around more frequently after that, dropping by on your time off to chatter to both of them. It’s a little hard to get work done when you’re around, since you’re so eager to talk their ears off, but Viktor…doesn’t really mind.

-He’s not particularly social, but part of that is probably due to how he grew up, and where he currently resides - most people either never give him the chance, or are too pretentious to interest him. So he keeps to himself.

-But you’re different. You’re kind, you’re funny, and more than that, you listen to what he’s saying. You don’t really understand half of what he goes on about, but you’re engaged nonetheless. You ask questions, and you pay attention.

-And it’s not only when he talks about his work.

-Within a week of knowing him, you start bringing pastries that he likes, some of which Jayce will turn his nose up at - you’d heard him when he’d offhandedly mentioned liking sweetmilk, and now you bring a little bit of that in a thermos beside the usual coffee.

-So when you inevitably turn up on one of the days that only Viktor is in the lab, he expects it to be a pleasant afternoon. Since Jayce is away, he figures he can bounce ideas off of you.

-It doesn’t go as planned.

-The first time he asks for your opinion, you fumble a little bit, and end up suggesting something completely absurd - it would never work, he knew, and he knew that Jayce would know that as well.

-Maybe you’re just having an off day.

-But a while later when he asks for your input again, you stutter a bit, sigh, and hit him with an I don’t know.

-He’s not upset so much as he is confused. You’d been so interested in the things he talked to you about, and you’d asked so many questions - how could you not know the basic mechanics of what he was working on.

-You grow quiet after that, and the silence between the both of you isn’t particularly comfortable. He can hear you fidgeting elsewhere in the room, as well as the scratch and scribble of your pencil on paper.

-He tries to ignore the tension.

-He fails.

-But right as he turns to you to say something, Jayce strides into the room, tired and agitated and just about ready to pace a hole in the floor.

- “You two are surprisingly quiet,” he says, sitting down to start working. It’s an offhanded comment, something meant to be light and joking, but it stings Viktor nonetheless.

-What stings him even more is your reply.

- “You know how I am, Jayce,” your tone is light and airy, “I’m not smart like either of you - if I don’t shut up, I’ll say something stupid, and that’s when stuff blows up.”

-You’re clearly trying to be funny about it, but he can hear the way your voice clips at the end; you’re sad.

-You take off shortly after that, leaving behind the box of snacks, and taking the empty drink containers with you.

-Viktor doesn’t see you for almost two weeks after that.

-He asks about you, but Jayce only shrugs.

-They’re probably just busy, he says. Art school is tedious, I guess.

-It hits him then. In all the time he’d talked to you, all the conversations you’d had, laughter you’d shared, and problems he’d worked through…he’d never asked about you. You’d diligently hung off his every word, and asked questions, and shown an interest, and he…

-He hadn’t done the same.

-And when you hadn’t been able to offer him more than an ear to listen, you’d clammed up. You’d shut down, and promptly thought yourself inadequate.

-With guilt weighing on him, he quietly asks Jayce where he could find you.

—

-He finds you in one of the empty classrooms in the academy. A space that had been shut down for a while, with the desks and chairs stacked high against the far wall - save for one, that you had carefully lifted down and set up near the window.

-You’re hunched forward and incredibly focused on the easel in front of you, a palette in hand and what looks like four dozen bottles of paint on the table next to you.

-He can’t see what you’re working on from where he stands in the doorway, but whatever it is has your attention so rapt that you don’t notice him.

-It gives him a moment to collect himself.

-It also gives him a moment to stare.

-A moment to observe you in your flow state, a moment to find the little crease of concentration between your brows, a moment to watch as your gaze flicks across your canvas.

-Your passion and dedication almost looks like an art in its own right.

-And then the door creaks beside him, and you tear your eyes away from your work. At first you look like you’re about to get a scolding, but once you realize it’s him, your expression morphs into surprise.

- “Viktor,” you say softly, the barest hint of a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. “I didn’t- what are you doing here?”

-You set your paintbrush down and swivel in your chair so you can face him, beckoning him further into the room.

-As he wanders over to your side, he explains that he was looking for you. “Jayce told me where I could find you,” he says, coming to a stop a couple feet from you. “I…wanted to talk about the last time we spoke.”

-All at once, your face falls, though it’s obvious you try to hide it. “Ah, yeah,” you mumble. “Sorry about that, by the way. I know you needed someone to bounce ideas off of, butI’m…not really the best candidate for that.”

- “I actually wanted to apologize,” he admits, much to your surprise. “It wasn’t my intention to make you feel as though you are…less…just because you might not understand what I do.”

-You shrug, pretending to be unbothered. “It’s fine,” you tell him. “I’m used to Jayce going on about his inventions, and I know I’ll never be smart enough to understand. I wish I was. I wish I could help both of you - you work so hard and put up with so much shit…”

-You sigh. “Doesn’t matter, though. There’s no sense in wishing I could be something I’m not. So you don’t need to worry-”

-Without thinking, Viktor reaches out to you, and sets a hand on your shoulder, giving a light squeeze.

- “You’re not stupid,” he says firmly, fixing you with an argumentative frown. “So you do not know how machines work - most people do not-”

- “Yeah, but most people can grasp the concept after they learn about it,” you cut him off, grumbling. “I’ve been listening to Jayce for years, Viktor, and I- I still have no idea what anything is! I have to count on my fingers when I do math, and I can’t look at blueprints and figure out what the final product is! I’m just not-”

- “If you say you are not smart one more time,” he threatens, though there’s no malice in his tone.

-You droop.

-Viktor turns to your painting.

- “Do you not see what you have created?” he asks, nodding towards your work. “How many people could make something like this?”

- “It’s not even finished-”

- “And yet I could not tell.” He sighs softly, his gaze dropping to the floor for a couple moments, before flicking back up to you. “I couldn’t tell you the first thing about colours, or structure, or perspective…and yet you have such a grasp over it that you’re able to make something like this purely from memory.”

- “You’re brilliant,” he tells you, “and anyone who says otherwise is the idiot.”

-You do your best to hide a sniffle, laughing quietly at yourself when you wipe the budding tears from your eyes. But he can see that you’re happy, and that your confidence and spirit have brightened.

- “Thank you, Viktor,” you say with a smile, and he lets his hand fall from your shoulder.

- “Will you start visiting the lab again, now?” he wonders, his heart fluttering when you nod.

[fipindustries]

i used to think that one reason most people dont like math is that its seen as deeply unintuitive.

like, i feel in a lot of other sciences there is a certain level of intuitive understanding where if someone explains you a concept in it you can kind of grok it and even toy with it a little in your head.

like in bioogy if someone explains that red cells carry oxigen through your veins to every cell in your body where it oxidizes the glucose stored there and that oxidazion creates heat and energy for you to move and be alive and stuff. you can easily visualize all of that, you could even begin to extrapolate other things or make astute questions based on that.

in economy if someone explains the offer and demand curve or the way social spending might affect production and gdp, again all of this touches and buils on ideas most people are semi familiar with or can easily infer.

but math, anything beyond basic bitch algebra, none of it feels like it "clicks" if you are not a student of it, if i go to someone and try to explain to them something like l'hopitals rule, is not just going to be goobledeegook to them, they wont be able to connect it to anything else they know, there wont be a sense of "right, makes sense", is not going to feel like it fits on anything else or even like its all that meaningful, they wont be able to do nothing with that, is not like they can take it from there and even know what follow up questions to ask.

is not just that its unintuitive, unintuitive implies that it surprises you, that it subverts expectations, that it goes against what we think established, but this is just completly out of context knowledge, there are not expectations, no intuitions to preconciebed ideas, this is just something alien that means nothing.

but the thing is, i have been studying a little math on my own lately and now that i found a proper teacher i realized that math SHOULD feel intuitive when its well explained. when its properly introduced, the whole point is that the next step makes sense, is just that it has to be built on everything that came before and that the very language and symbology of math can feel impenetrable (which makes sense, its a specific language to descrive very specific, very particular truths which cannot be interpreted in more that one singular way in a very compressed way).

bottom line, the whole process of solving a math problem a lot of times rests on you "intuiting" a possible avenue to answer it, a vague sense that "yeah, this probably works, lets show that it does". math at its best is an incredibly powerful feeling of "OF COURSE! I CAN SEE IT; IT JUST MAKES SENSE AND THERE IS NO OTHER WAY IT COULD POSSIBLY BE""*

*(this is in many senses the opposite of how i feel when i study humanities, where i can grasp what they are aiming at in an intuitive sense but all the while i feel like im hearing a just-so story, where there is is always this nagging sense that there is no reason it couldnt be explained a thousand other ways)

[chemblrish]

I also want to study chemistry in higher education. Can u please give me some guidance.. Like what subjects to choose any like what degree.. Please

Hi!

That's a great choice :) Obviously, there are all sorts of chemistry-related degrees (chemical engineering, biochemistry, medicinal chemistry...), but I've only ever studied one, so I can't really tell you anything about the rest. If anyone here studies something that isn't "just" chemistry but is close enough, please feel free to share your experience!

Personally, I think a question to ask yourself that is very important but not exactly common is this: do you want to study a fundamental science or something more broad, varied, and interdisciplinary? The answer will tell you whether to choose chemistry or something chemistry-related. I did try out an interdisciplinary degree (biotechnology) and was very unhappy with it, because I realized I was more interested in understanding a field of science thoroughly and in depth instead of skimming through many different fields without digging really deep into any of them. Which is why I switched to chemistry. So, would you rather know one branch of science deeply and precisely or many of them but more generally?

As for the subjects you should focus on (assuming you're still in school and aside from chemistry of course haha), I'd say physics too often goes overlooked. But chemistry and physics are closely intertwined and a good grasp of the basic concepts of the latter will help you understand a huge chunk of the former. Math is important too, but don't feel intimidated. You don't have to be a math genius, but there will be lots and lots of calculations (not necessarily hard!), so some level of proficiency will come in handy.

If English isn't your first language, I'd recommend paying attention to it as well - nowadays it's pretty much the international language of science (and here where I live it's actually mandatory to pass a B2 level exam to even graduate). I don't know what things are like where you live, but here chemistry is often associated with biology and people interested in a chemistry degree are sometimes expected to know biology too. That's garbage. If you go into "just" chemistry, you won't need any biology at all. Forget it.

Here's my answer to an ask about the ups and downs of studying chemistry in case you want to check it out too.

I think this got a bit long 😅 But if you have any further questions, feel free to hmu again! I'll try my best to help.

[beardedmrbean]

Oh yeah Ronald Erwin McNair, sorry I thought he was on that other space shuttle that fell apart during launch.

Also that program with Nichelle Nichols, I recall a lot of space exploration and travel polices were created to prevent another colonial empires power struggle which gave us the world wars and the eugenics horror show.

So space was showed to be “EVERY HUMAN CAN BE IN OUTER SPACE!” Now of course only humans of peak condition can be astronauts but stuff like Star Trek suppose to show a possible future where we all can coexist with each other.

Of course NASA was like “okay let not pull a Nazi and show that non whites and women can be astronauts too” but when most of your organization made up of geeky white people…

I can see why Nichelle Nichols was chosen as she inspired many people especially in the blacks and women into science with her uhura role.

And the whole racial tension that she of all people understands. So she basically help convince a lot of black people and women who you know grew up in segregation and heavy gender roles so NASA definitely felt like an out of reach idea for them.

Sorry you are a bigger NASA fan than me. I’m just curious how da fuck is math racist when we had a black astronaut that grew up in the Deep South?

🤨

He was, that was his 2nd flight, Challenger, Jan 28 1986. That's a day embedded in my memory.

NASA has pretty much always been THE government agency that didn't care about anything other than if you can do the job, obviously politics still showed up and they weren't going to send a woman or black man to the moon, woman bit was less sexist than it was a technology and biology thing, going potty and all, still sexism but it was really more cost effective to not have to worry about the other bits.

Nichelle Nichols thing, I hope she fully grasped how important she was to women in general and black women especially. This is the best anecdote about her, at least that fits the theme.

Roddenberry knew what he had created already, why else have a black woman and a Russian on the bridge crew, Nichols found out when Dr King let her know what she meant.

She also wrote that she had "a short, stormy, exciting relationship" with Sammy Davis Jr. in 1959.

GIRL!!! lol

>Sorry you are a bigger NASA fan than me. I’m just curious how da fuck is math racist when we had a black astronaut that grew up in the Deep South?

And a physicist at that.

It's not, I think the issue is that people don't like that there's going to be a right and a wrong answer for math, 1+1 will always equal 2 is problematic somehow.

There's also claims that the way it's taught is geared toward white students, which I'm not sure how that works, but even if that's true they're playing to the majority which sure would come out discriminatory but that's a no win situation unless you bring back segregation.

It's reading but, I think we may be in the market for this happening in math too.

As a teacher in Oakland, Calif., Kareem Weaver helped struggling fourth- and fifth-grade kids learn to read by using a very structured, phonics-based reading curriculum called Open Court. It worked for the students, but not so much for the teachers. “For seven years in a row, Oakland was the fastest-gaining urban district in California for reading,” recalls Weaver. “And we hated it.”

The teachers felt like curriculum robots—and pushed back. “This seems dehumanizing, this is colonizing, this is the man telling us what to do,” says Weaver, describing their response to the approach. “So we fought tooth and nail as a teacher group to throw that out.” It was replaced in 2015 by a curriculum that emphasized rich literary experiences. “Those who wanted to fight for social justice, they figured that this new progressive way of teaching reading was the way,” he says.

Now Weaver is heading up a campaign to get his old school district to reinstate many of the methods that teachers resisted so strongly: specifically, systematic and consistent instruction in phonemic awareness and phonics. “In Oakland, when you have 19% of Black kids reading—that can’t be maintained in the society,” says Weaver, who received an early and vivid lesson in the value of literacy in 1984 after his cousin got out of prison and told him the other inmates stopped harassing him when they realized he could read their mail to them. “It has been an unmitigated disaster.” In January 2021, the local branch of the NAACP filed an administrative petition with the Oakland unified school district (OUSD) to ask it to include “explicit instruction for phonemic awareness, phonics, fluency, vocabulary, and comprehension” in its curriculum.

From a different article same subject

I like that they put the numbers in this one,

But ya, they didn't like the system they had and even though they were getting year to year improvements with it they changed it because why not throw students under the bus.

Maybe they should learn from Ron McNair, but that would be the students taking the initiative and learning on their own, which might require a sea change in the community as it relates to education.

There's a reason this program has kept going since 1987, but ya colonization of students minds, there's a math one too not sure how good that is.

And there's people who just can't get some math honestly, I know I'm one of them, full spectrum dyslexia is not something I'd wish on anyone.

[xxl1zardb3ansxx]

Here you go sillies! More WOF fanfic because I forgor to post some recently!

New day, New Life

Classes started today. Each student got a schedule that was written on a yellowish piece of paper. Star found that she had Biology first. The teacher was a Leafwing that had stayed in Prryiah. 

“Good morning, I am your Biology teacher. Call me Mrs.S if you must. Today we’re starting with photosynthesis basics.” The Leafwing said. 

The classroom was wide and made of complete stone. There were several windows allowing golden rays to pass through into the classroom. Vines hung down from the ceiling, nearly touching the desks. Star could reach up and grasp one of the delicate white and pink flowers. She decided not too, because this teacher sounded like she would get mad if she did. Now normally Star would like Biology. But this teacher made it less fun. She would always yell at other students, she always sounded mad, and never helped any other students.

Next, Star had math. Only basic math so far because many dragons who were poor didn’t know very much about math yet. Although, they played a lot of ice-breaker games instead of math. The teacher was a Sandwing that was very kind. She said her name was Sunny. She was a weird golden color compared to the normal dusty yellow or tan-ish white. Her whole demeanor was just so happy and kind. She was like a little beam of sunshine that escaped from the sun, and was down here instead. There was one dragon in particular though, that kept interrupting her. It was Vermillion. He kept pointing out what was wrong with her appearance.

“Why are you so shiny?” “Why don’t you have a tail barb? Why are your eyes green?”

Eventually, the teacher decided that everyone would benefit from a hunting break outside, thus leaving us outside, where some…unconventional things could happen. Star had caught a mountain lion, and was sitting on a ledge, eating it.

“Hey hybrid!” It was Vermillion’s annoying voice. Star groaned and looked up.

“What?” Star grumbled, staring at his stupid face.

“I can’t come sit with my very best fwend?” Vermillion said, teasingly. 

“Sure, after you stop being the most annoying Skywing in history.” Star said, going back to her food.

“Awwwww, thanks.” Vermillion said, plopping in front of Star. Star groaned. “So, what’s with the little earring you wear? Are you trying to look dumb?”

“At least I look better than you do.” Star said, feeling her earring.

“Yeah, right. Anyway, why do you have it?” Vermillion siad, poking a claw at her.

“Reasons.” She said, flicking the little thing back and forth.

“Oh, sOoOo convincing. What’s the rea; reason? Hybrid?” Vermillion persisted.

“You don’t need to know.” Star said.

“Tell me, or I will personally hurt you.” Vermillion said, trying to be threatening.

“Try,” Star said, brandishing her poisonous barb. 

“Oh I’ll-”

“Go away, Vermillion.” Said Blizzard’s familiar voice.

“Ugh, not you again.” Vermillion siad..

“Go away,” Blizzard repeated.

“Fine.” Vermillion said, sighing and flying off.

“Hey.” Blizzard said, smiling at Star.

“Hi.” Star said, feeling her face get warm with blush.

“I know this is a little bit of a  weird ask but could we share that mountain lion? I haven’t been able to catch anything here.” Blizzard said, 

“Yeah of course!” Star responded. Blizzard floated down and sat next to her, and they shared the lion happily. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rest of Star’s day wasn’t very interesting. She had English, science, Art, Creative Writing, and then a rest period before lights out. Star was sitting and sketching on her ledge, minding her business, when of course, Vermillion had to come in.

“Oh hey, hybrid.” Vermillion's voice said. But it was…more unhappy than usual. Star tried to ignore him, and continued sketching Blizzard. (again) Vermillion climbed up to his bed and proceeded to sigh dramatically every few minutes. Finally, after realizing that it doesn;t work on literally anyone, he spoke up. “Do you know why I hate you, hybrid?”

“Don’t care.” Star said.

“Because,” Vermillion continued. “YOU got me in trouble today, and I have a 5 hour detention tomorrow.” 

“Good for you.” Star said, sarcastically. 

“You don;t care at all about me do you?” Vermillion said, obviously trying to get Star to be sorry.

“Nope.” Star said, finishing her sketch.

“Ugh, you’re so mean!” Vermillion said, flopping down on his bed again. 

“I’m so sure,” Star responded, slamming her sketchbook shut. 

“Hey guys,” Blizzard said, entering the room. She had little splatters of paint on her talons, decorating her claws with colors.

“Oh, hi Blizzard.” Star said, smiling. Blizzard climbed onto her ledge and smiled back. 

“So what are your guys' schedules?” Blizzard asked.

“Biology, Math, English, Science, Art, and Creative writing.” Star said, counting the classes on her talons.

“I’ve got Biology, Math, Science, English, Art, and then competitive flying.” Vermillion said.

“I have English, Math, Art, Science, and sculpting.” Blizzard said.

“Cool. To be honest, I don’t really like Ms. S. She’s mean.” Star chimed in.

“Yeah. She never helps anyone with assignments or anything. Or at least from what I saw today. She gave us so much homework. Speaking of which I should do.” Blizzard said, reaching into her bag and pulling out some papers. Star did the same, and got out her favorite pencil. It was purple with little stars painted on it. The homework was mostly about how plants make sugars for food and stuff and was relatively easy for Star. She couldn’t say the same for Vermillion though. He was chewing his pencil and staring at the page, clearly confused.Just then, Ant walked in, panting. Star looked up at him.

“Hey. You good? You’re panting.” Star said.

“Th-There’s a f-fight. You gotta come see it.” Ant gasped in between breaths. Star and Blizzard looked at each other, and nodded. They both hopped down from their ledges and followed Ant to the prey center. An orange Skywing and a teal Seawing were wrestling on the ground, throwing punches and clawing at each other. The Skywing had a fresh scar across his snout, and the Seawing had one on his underbelly. They were yelling at each other, insults and all. Several other dragons were chanting, ‘Fight! Fight! Fight!’ and pumping their fists. No teachers were here yet, but Star assumed there would be soon. 

“You’re just a wetnose! You can’t even breathe fire!” The Skywing shouted, throwing the Seawing off him and getting up.

“Well you’re just a stupid pebble brain! You couldn't even answer one problem in Math class!” The Seawing returned, pointing his claw at the Skywing. The Skywing blasted fire at the Seawing in response, but he ducked and rolled just in time. The crowd behind him backed up and woahed. The Seawing ran around the Skywing in wapped him with his powerful tail. It was enough to bring the Skywing down. The crowd cheered at every strike they made at each other, encouraging the two dragons' rage. Star watched but didn’t say anything. Other dragon’s minds were roaring with thoughts. ‘I hope the Seawing wins!’ ‘Go Silo!’ ‘Beat his A$$!’  Star tried to quiet them, but their thoughts were too loud. The raindrop trick only muffled them a bit.  The Skywing sent another blast of fire and got the Seawing’s leg this time. He howled in pain and toppled over. A person in the crowd shrieked and ran into view. It was a dark blue Seawing and she had several necklaces adorning her neck. She crouched down next to the Seawing and helped him up. 

“Are you okay? Can you hear me? Wave? Wave!” The other Seawing said, growing more and more panicked. Wave didn’t respond, and only groaned in pain. Just then the Math teacher, Sunny burst through the doors and ran up to Wave.

“What happened?!” She asked, also sounding panicked. 

“He got in a fight with Silo, the Skywing over there. He’s burned! He needs to get to the nurses office!” The dark blue Seawing explained. Sunny took Wave’s other arm and they carried him out of the room. A few minutes later, another dark blue Seawing entered the room. That was the Vice principal, Tsunami. She did not look happy. Silo the Skywing was laughing with his friends about kicking the Wave’s A$$ when Tsunami placed her talon on his shoulder.

“Excuse me, are you Silo?” Tsunami asked, sounding cold.

“Heh, yeah….” He trailed off when he saw Tsunami’s disapproving face.

“Then you should know what happens next.” Tsunami said, grabbing his ear and leading him into the hallway. All the dragons in there were silent as they heard Silo’s yelling in pain from Tsunami’s tight grip. Their heads were silent. Everyone was silent. They all glanced at each other for a moment before slowly and awkwardly returning to what they were doing before. Star and Blizzard looked at each other and Blizzard started laughing. Star started laughing too, replaying Silo’s distressed expression when he saw Tsunami. They both walked over to the little river that gurgled next to the wall. Star and Blizzard laid in front of the little river, and Star dipped her tail in the cool water. The two of them laughed about many things for the rest of the rest period. Eventually they went off to bed and dreamed of what adventures could come next in their new lives.

[wumblr]

i find your posts about... uh. physics (idk what further specificity applies. astrophysics? quantum mechanics?) fun to read, and way over my head. like. shit is undeniably compelling even as most of it is pretty much impossible for me to conceptualize (at my present levels of familiarity anyway) or attempt to contextualize within my.. subjective experience of material reality.. i guess. any advice on further educating one's self, for someone in my position of finding this sort of thing cool and interesting as a layman high school dropout beset by dyscalculia and poor visuo-spatial ability? i feel patronized and condescended to by the like... reddit / neil degrasse tyson "science is badass and awesomesauce" pop science attitude, btw. just think itd be nice to have the means to build practical knowledge in a way that is actually Neither erudite to the point of elitism Nor cheesy and annoying. if you happen to have any "tips" or "recs"

thank you! i do have recs. i have a page of book recs on my music portfolio website. that covers several subjects but it may be obvious which ones are about physics

"cosmology" is probably the word you were looking for (i'm looking for a grad school with a focus on that while i'm saving up for it)

arvin ash and sabine hossenfelder have some good youtube videos on the subject if you don't want to jump into a whole book. pbs spacetime is good. sabine also has a couple great books out

i like eugene khutoryansky, his videos sometimes ask a lot of the viewer, but probably nobody else has made 3d animations to unpack the einstein field equations

as a general rule i really like books for a layman audience by nobel physics laureates. these usually don't involve math (in search of the ultimate building blocks by gerard t'hooft, quark and jaguar by murray gell-mann, relativity the book by einstein)

basically anybody who's famous enough that you know they're a physicist has published a good book (stephen hawking, roger penrose, michio kaku)

einstein's dreams by alan lightman is a collection of short fiction about relativity made tangible. really good

structure of scientific revolutions by thomas kuhn is a classic but it confirms something i've been grasping at (focus on the bare observables, theory is an attempt to explain these phenomena)

i don't know if anybody has published a good layman's review of LIGO black hole mergers yet (janna levin?), i've been doing the crash course the hard way and just keeping up with the GCN circulars email list, where they tell all the telescopes in the world to slew in some kind of general direction when they detect something

if you only want to read two books i would recommend warped passages by lisa randall and lost in math by sabine hossenfelder. i think they make an excellent paired set, they're like complementary opposites... warped passages does basically everything that lost in math critiques, but it also contains a gold-standard description of the standard model and the process of modeling

[antvnger]

Do you have any advice for someone who feels stupid? I can barely do basic math and I'm an adult. I know I'm smart in my own ways, but I still feel ashamed when I can't do basic things like math or easy science or other things. Meanwhile, it's so easy for other people and when I'm with my friends, I can't help but feel dumb sometimes. They'll talk about things and I can barely keep up. I just nod along to what they say. It's embarrassing.

Okay, I couldn't let this one wait until later. I gotta answer this one now.

First of all, Anon, I'm sorry you feel that way, but believe me, you're not dumb just because you struggle with math and science. Not everybody is wired to understand that stuff so easily, and that's okay. It doesn't devalue you because you struggle.

My sister loves loves loves history. You give her a random year and she could probably spit off 5 things that happened that year, and a lot of them I have no idea what they are. She and my granddad would talk all the time about history, and I'd just sit there sometimes going I have no idea what they're talking about. Like one time they talked for three hours about the ramifications of the Cold War, and I had like nothing to offer to that conversation, and I felt super bored and left out even though I'm a pretty smart guy. History just isn't my thing.

You've got some options here though, Anon, as far as advice goes.

If you want to have a better grasp of what they're talking about, then find out some things they like to talk about and things they talk about often and do a quick Google search about it and learn a little bit about what they're talking about.

If you wanna get better at basic math, practice some in your spare time. Another Google search can give you some basic problems to practice.

If there's a friend in your group you feel comfortable talking about this stuff with, do it. If they really are your friends and care about you, they'll either help you to understand better or they'll be more careful about including you in a topic you all can freely discuss.

Maybe you could ask your friends questions when they talk about those things? I know it'll be awkward and embarrassing at first, but if you ask the right kind of "why" questions, you'll be enhancing the conversation and offering something, and the answers may surprise you.

Or have the group discuss something you excel in and teach them a thing or two. I have every confidence you're pretty damn smart, so find something you like talking about and teach them something new.

Nothing is going to change unless you make some kind of move to change it, Anon. I definitely understand where you're coming from, and the best thing(s) you can do is learn a couple of things along the way and be honest with your friends. If they're your friends, they'll be supportive and helpful.

I don't know if this is what you're looking for, Anon, but it's what I've got. Good luck! You know where to find me if you need more help.

[vicsdeangelis]

U know my nana ji (that's my mom's dad) is a retired maths and science teacher. He's the person who taught me three digit multiplication when the rest of my class was learning how to add, or made me memorize tables till 25-30 which even my current grown ass class doesn't know, or explained electrons, protons ad neutrons to me when they were telling us there's nothing smaller than a molecule, basically, this is the guy who built up all my foundation for higher studies. He even had flawless English grammar. He couldn't speak or read as fluently as me but he had a better grasp at the grammar.

But he was just a high school teacher in his day. Now whenever he visits, one of the first things he does is get his pen and paper and write me some questions but they're not challenging or tricky at all anymore. It breaks my fucking heart that I just solved those questions within minutes. It was basic high school maths.

He likes to go through my notes and books and stuff to see what I'm currently studying to give me questions from that topic (prefers to do it while I'm in lecture, I get icky if he does it infront of me) and last time he was here, he went through my maths formulae notebook and I got home and he was like 'u know u're studying stuff I've never even heard of' I kid u not I'm sure u heard my heart break all the way from Brazil. I just don't wanna be smarter than him u know?

My mom actually used to study in the school he taught in before he retired and she tells me he was the typa teacher who was covered head to toe in chalkdust when he walked Outta a class and the type who'd leave a class on line xyz of page abc on Friday and then know exactly where to continue from on Monday

I do see that bit in him like if he sees an unfamiliar formula written under a topic he's familiar with he WILL have me explain how that formula came to be and 'there's no such thing in science and maths as "results," everything has a logical explanation and if you don't know the explanation behind a result or the derivation of a formula, you shouldn't get to use it, maths is not something to memorize' is what he thinks

I wanna go back to middle school where he was more knowledgeable than me 🥺 (I'm srry for the rant I'm very emotional rn I'm pmsing)

i think this is very sweet, actually, and i'm sure he's so proud of you and the intelligent person you've grown to be. and he should be proud, because he was the foundation for your knowledge. i honestly think it's beautiful

[lifeinapic]

A complete overview of the most essential components of data science and how to master them. If you are reading this article, it means that you are hoping to become a data scientist and you just don’t know where to start. This article will do our best to layout the most essential areas you need to look at to start diving deep into data science. We will also give you some of the best learning resources to do so. 1. Essential Theoretical Knowledge of Statistics and Calculus I think you kind of expected this to be the first one, but before you just skip to the other section or just another article, let me tell you why it needs to be the first point mentioned. An okay data scientist learns how to use a bunch of tools like PowerBI, Scikitlearn, etc. This will be fine for building baseline models, but you will soon find out that it’s not enough and you need to improve your model. This brings us to reading ML research papers. And you have to trust me on this, you will not understand most ML papers if you don’t understand essential statistics, and if you don’t understand most of the papers, you probably won’t be able to implement them and improve them, which is a big issue. I remember struggling with understanding ML papers at university, it used to take me a few days if not weeks to fully grasp them. However, all this changed when I spent a few weeks learning the fundamentals of statistics and calculus. Now, I can easily digest those papers in an hour or 2. If you haven’t already done so, you will not believe how much papers rely on those foundations. One very important point that I want to stress here is that I am not asking you to be an expert in these foundations. This is what most people struggled with in high school—being good enough at math and statistics to get through an exam. You don’t need this here. You just need to understand the foundations to digest the research papers. Understanding them is much easier than actually being good at solving theoretical math problems (which is a good skill to have, but a hard one to acquire). Khan Academy is an excellent place to start. You can start by checking out their algebra course here and their stats one here. 2. Essential Programming Basics You have now got your math and stats knowledge, now it’s time to move into something more practical and hands-on. A lot of people get into data science from non-technical backgrounds (which is actually quite impressive). Believe me when I tell you this, the worst way to learn programming is to keep watching courses endlessly. I know there are tons of articles and videos about learning programming and I don’t want this to just be another duplicate. I do however want to give you the most important tips that will help you save a lot of time. When I was learning programming basics I used to watch tons of tutorials, which was useful. But, a lot of people (including me) think that watching more tutorials equals improvement in our skills as programmers, it does not! Tutorials only tell you how to do something. But you never learn until you actually do it yourself. Although this seems straightforward and obvious, it needs to be said: it’s actually harder to code than just seeing other people code. So, simply put, here is the next tip: For every few tutorials you watch or articles you read, make sure you implement at least one of them. If you aren’t doing this, you are wasting your time. If you don’t believe me, feel free to check out articles by TraversyMedia and FreeCodeCamp that are going to affirm this idea. A lot of programmers realize this, but it’s usually a bit later than they should have. I am not going to point you to a course. Instead, I am going to point you to one of the best places to improve your programming skills and, more importantly, improve your problem-solving skills. I wish I had received this when I was at university because programming languages change all the time, problem-solving skills don’t. And when you actually start

applying for jobs, a decent interviewer will be examining your problem-solving skills, not your syntax accuracy. Start by integrating at least 2-3 hours every week of easy HackerRank or LeetCode into your schedule, if you are struggling. Watch some tutorials, but start with approaching the problems first (not the other way around). 3. Experience, experience, experience Photo  At this point, you know your theory, you have good programming and problem-solving skills and you are ready to start gaining data science skills. The best way to do this is to start developing end-to-end data science projects. From my experience, the best projects must have at least a few of these components: Data gathering, filtering, and engineering: This can be as simple as an online search or as complex as building a web scraping server that aggregates certain websites and saves the required data into a database. This is actually the most significant stage because if you don't have data, then you don't have a data science project! This is actually the reason why a lot of AI startups fail. Once I realized this, it was quite an eye-opener for me, even though it's kind of obvious!“Model training is only the tip of the iceberg. What most users and AI/ML companies overlook is the massive hidden cost of acquiring appropriate datasets and cleaning, storing, aggregating, labeling, and building reliable data flow and an infrastructure pipeline.”—The Single Biggest Reason Why AI/ML Companies Fail to Scale? Model Training (this is too obvious to explain) Gathering metrics & exploring model interpretability: One of the biggest mistakes that I made in my first few ML projects was not giving this point due credit. I was extremely eager to learn and so I kept jumping from model to model too quickly. Don’t do this. When you train a model, fully evaluate it, explore its hyperparameters, check out interpretability techniques and, most importantly, figure out why it works well and why it doesn’t.One of the best places to learn these concepts (except data gathering) is on Kaggle, I can’t stress enough how much you will learn from doing a few Kaggle competitions. Model Deployment & Data Storage This is a very important step that a lot of people skip. You will need basic web development skills at this point. You don’t have to build a complete app around your model, but at least try to deploy it to a Heroku web app. You will learn so much. A central piece of your data science project is selecting the correct data storage framework. Keep in mind that your production model will be consistently using and updating this data. If you don’t choose the correct data storage framework, your whole app will face quality and performance issues. One of the fastest-growing storage frameworks is data lakes. “A data lake is a centralized repository that allows you to store all your structured and unstructured data at any scale. You can store your data as-is, without having to first structure the data, and run different types of analytics — from dashboards and visualizations to big data processing, real-time analytics, and machine learning—to guide better decisions.” — Amazon Data lakes are being widely used by top companies currently to manage the insane amount of data that is being generated. If you are interested, I suggest checking out this talk by Raji Easwaran, a manager at Microsoft Azure about the “Lessons Learned from Operating an Exabyte Scale Data Lake at Microsoft.” There are also frameworks that operate on data lakes that ease the consumption of data by machine learning models. I used to think that adding these layers is not that effective, but separating these operations into different layers saves you the time you will have to debug your models in the long run. This is actually the backbone of most high-quality web applications/software projects. Final Thoughts The biggest misconception I had going into data science was that it’s all about model fitting and data engineering.

Although that is, of course, an important part, it’s not the most difficult and significant one. There are multiple factors (as discussed above) that are in play when getting into data science and developing high-quality ML projects.

[fromdevcom]

A complete overview of the most essential components of data science and how to master them. If you are reading this article, it means that you are hoping to become a data scientist and you just don’t know where to start. This article will do our best to layout the most essential areas you need to look at to start diving deep into data science. We will also give you some of the best learning resources to do so. 1. Essential Theoretical Knowledge of Statistics and Calculus I think you kind of expected this to be the first one, but before you just skip to the other section or just another article, let me tell you why it needs to be the first point mentioned. An okay data scientist learns how to use a bunch of tools like PowerBI, Scikitlearn, etc. This will be fine for building baseline models, but you will soon find out that it’s not enough and you need to improve your model. This brings us to reading ML research papers. And you have to trust me on this, you will not understand most ML papers if you don’t understand essential statistics, and if you don’t understand most of the papers, you probably won’t be able to implement them and improve them, which is a big issue. I remember struggling with understanding ML papers at university, it used to take me a few days if not weeks to fully grasp them. However, all this changed when I spent a few weeks learning the fundamentals of statistics and calculus. Now, I can easily digest those papers in an hour or 2. If you haven’t already done so, you will not believe how much papers rely on those foundations. One very important point that I want to stress here is that I am not asking you to be an expert in these foundations. This is what most people struggled with in high school—being good enough at math and statistics to get through an exam. You don’t need this here. You just need to understand the foundations to digest the research papers. Understanding them is much easier than actually being good at solving theoretical math problems (which is a good skill to have, but a hard one to acquire). Khan Academy is an excellent place to start. You can start by checking out their algebra course here and their stats one here. 2. Essential Programming Basics You have now got your math and stats knowledge, now it’s time to move into something more practical and hands-on. A lot of people get into data science from non-technical backgrounds (which is actually quite impressive). Believe me when I tell you this, the worst way to learn programming is to keep watching courses endlessly. I know there are tons of articles and videos about learning programming and I don’t want this to just be another duplicate. I do however want to give you the most important tips that will help you save a lot of time. When I was learning programming basics I used to watch tons of tutorials, which was useful. But, a lot of people (including me) think that watching more tutorials equals improvement in our skills as programmers, it does not! Tutorials only tell you how to do something. But you never learn until you actually do it yourself. Although this seems straightforward and obvious, it needs to be said: it’s actually harder to code than just seeing other people code. So, simply put, here is the next tip: For every few tutorials you watch or articles you read, make sure you implement at least one of them. If you aren’t doing this, you are wasting your time. If you don’t believe me, feel free to check out articles by TraversyMedia and FreeCodeCamp that are going to affirm this idea. A lot of programmers realize this, but it’s usually a bit later than they should have. I am not going to point you to a course. Instead, I am going to point you to one of the best places to improve your programming skills and, more importantly, improve your problem-solving skills. I wish I had received this when I was at university because programming languages change all the time, problem-solving skills don’t. And when you actually start

applying for jobs, a decent interviewer will be examining your problem-solving skills, not your syntax accuracy. Start by integrating at least 2-3 hours every week of easy HackerRank or LeetCode into your schedule, if you are struggling. Watch some tutorials, but start with approaching the problems first (not the other way around). 3. Experience, experience, experience Photo  At this point, you know your theory, you have good programming and problem-solving skills and you are ready to start gaining data science skills. The best way to do this is to start developing end-to-end data science projects. From my experience, the best projects must have at least a few of these components: Data gathering, filtering, and engineering: This can be as simple as an online search or as complex as building a web scraping server that aggregates certain websites and saves the required data into a database. This is actually the most significant stage because if you don't have data, then you don't have a data science project! This is actually the reason why a lot of AI startups fail. Once I realized this, it was quite an eye-opener for me, even though it's kind of obvious!“Model training is only the tip of the iceberg. What most users and AI/ML companies overlook is the massive hidden cost of acquiring appropriate datasets and cleaning, storing, aggregating, labeling, and building reliable data flow and an infrastructure pipeline.”—The Single Biggest Reason Why AI/ML Companies Fail to Scale? Model Training (this is too obvious to explain) Gathering metrics & exploring model interpretability: One of the biggest mistakes that I made in my first few ML projects was not giving this point due credit. I was extremely eager to learn and so I kept jumping from model to model too quickly. Don’t do this. When you train a model, fully evaluate it, explore its hyperparameters, check out interpretability techniques and, most importantly, figure out why it works well and why it doesn’t.One of the best places to learn these concepts (except data gathering) is on Kaggle, I can’t stress enough how much you will learn from doing a few Kaggle competitions. Model Deployment & Data Storage This is a very important step that a lot of people skip. You will need basic web development skills at this point. You don’t have to build a complete app around your model, but at least try to deploy it to a Heroku web app. You will learn so much. A central piece of your data science project is selecting the correct data storage framework. Keep in mind that your production model will be consistently using and updating this data. If you don’t choose the correct data storage framework, your whole app will face quality and performance issues. One of the fastest-growing storage frameworks is data lakes. “A data lake is a centralized repository that allows you to store all your structured and unstructured data at any scale. You can store your data as-is, without having to first structure the data, and run different types of analytics — from dashboards and visualizations to big data processing, real-time analytics, and machine learning—to guide better decisions.” — Amazon Data lakes are being widely used by top companies currently to manage the insane amount of data that is being generated. If you are interested, I suggest checking out this talk by Raji Easwaran, a manager at Microsoft Azure about the “Lessons Learned from Operating an Exabyte Scale Data Lake at Microsoft.” There are also frameworks that operate on data lakes that ease the consumption of data by machine learning models. I used to think that adding these layers is not that effective, but separating these operations into different layers saves you the time you will have to debug your models in the long run. This is actually the backbone of most high-quality web applications/software projects. Final Thoughts The biggest misconception I had going into data science was that it’s all about model fitting and data engineering.

Although that is, of course, an important part, it’s not the most difficult and significant one. There are multiple factors (as discussed above) that are in play when getting into data science and developing high-quality ML projects.

[duskwingmoth]

One of the key problems you can trace a lot of the United States' issues to is how the compulsory education system is so heavily geared to the industrialist's philosophy of teaching -- you are there to learn how to follow multiple different sets of rules simultaneously and to become proficient in doing monotonous busywork. "Book reports" are not expected to be any more than a plot summary; math worksheets don't just expect a specific answer, they expect you to follow one particular process and to self-report if you didn't; sciences are inviolable truths set in stone before you were born, history is over and only exists insofar as it glorifies the state, etc.

This is not a time or place in any way resembling the flowery image of junior scholars being patiently cultivated by kindly sages, this is a Workplace where children are LARPing as employees under their supervisor and pit boss, The Teacher. This is horrendous for building thoughtful, curious adults, but it's perfect for creating an unquestioning labor force that will bend over backwards to accrue capital for the capitalist class. I'm sure this comes as no surprise to anyone who has read any socialist theory. Humorously enough, it's Anticapitalism 101. But it's such a fundamental issue that it bears repeating.

This is why, when students do as is now expected and push themselves into material debt while hammering out any last lingering "flaws" as Workers, a.k.a., going to college, they run afoul of plagiarism policies basically immediately. Even accounting for industrialist infiltration into the concept, the expectation that you have gone to college before properly entering the workforce is quite recent, and the capitalist machine doesn't yet truly account for the fact that College As A Tradition does not gel with industrialist philosophy. If you simply port over your behavior from high school to college, it doesn't actually work; professors assign far too much work for a single class for you to have a full daily schedule like you used to, and what is expected of a student's essays is incongruously different from before. Colleges, universities, they are built on centuries -- millenniums even -- of people thinking way too much and way too hard about stuff all the time and disagreeing with each other incessantly. That is what collegiate tradition expects of students, and it is functionally impossible when you bring an industrial-trained mindset to the environment.

It's also how you get whole hordes of people willing to vote against their best interest and arguing with professors on Twitter about basic facts that they don't even seem to have a working grasp on. As far as the layman knows, as far as the layman is taught, if somebody has a different understanding of the world than the one you first encountered, then it is your moral imperative to become violently corrective. These pesky Certified Smart Boys are always getting in the way of the machine, you must throw them out of the way so production can resume.

It is not impossible to combat this, but it is frustratingly difficult if you're dealing with grown adults. I can, for example, cite material conditions and human rights until I'm blue in the face to my father and my grandparents, beg them to question why the news would frame one group of people as ontologically evil when their own experiences say otherwise, and I will get nowhere, at least in the moment. It is ingrained into the United States populace to hold one holistic American truth above all else, and to become instantly obstinate when presented with any segment of reality that even slightly contradicts it. To shout down all dissenters and continue emboldened and hardened as crusaders marching into the darkness, even if they must create that darkness themselves to maintain the illusion.

Sinister as it sounds, this is not a coordinated effort by a super secret all-powerful cabal at the heart of America; frankly if it were, it'd be a lot easier to resolve. Capital simply desires brainless labor, and it is convenient for the country's leaders, be they True Blue Capitalists or not, to let its individualist apostles run roughshod from sea to shining sea. And after 400 some-odd years, it's so heavily embedded into the systems that fighting against it feels insurmountable.

But education never stopped attracting teachers who want to truly teach, and this busted education system with stilted values never stopped spitting out skeptical adults. Capitalism certainly has been successful at self-propagating for a good long while, but so was the divine right of kings, and so has the flu. Today there are fewer functioning monarchies left in the world than there are fingers on both my hands, and as the last few years have shown, not even the flu is immortal; if we can kill off one strain, we can kill them all.

But what do I know? I'm a broke-ass tranny in a frigid garage.

[chemblrish]

You are literally living my ideal life! (I dream of getting a degree in and working in chemistry) What are the drawbacks/ highlights of your work in university?

Hello!

I'm so happy to hear you want to major in chemistry :) It's a beautiful, fascinating science and the superior one at that. Keep in mind this is my experience as a first year student (and if any older chemistry students want to chime in, please do!)

Personally, I'm very much in love with my faculty, so it's hard to be totally objective snhfks but what I really enjoy about my studies is how I get to learn all the important concepts in depth. Everything I once learnt on a simplified surface level now I get to explore with more nuance: things like calculating pH, precipitation, solubility, it's all a lot more complex than what they can (understandably) tell you in school and it's really satisfying to be able to dig into that.

Speaking of calculations, I liked math a lot back in hs and I was good enough with it, but definitely not math student level - and I feel like chemistry is perfect for me, bc I get to do math nearly everyday, but it's not the terrifying kind that physicists deal with that hard (unless you choose theoretical chemistry I guess, but that's definitely not my sort of thing).

Then you have the practicals and it's so satisfying that you get to do everything yourself! First semester we mostly worked in groups bc we were babies, but now we work by ourselves and it's so cool to see how your manual skills improve, how much more comfortable you become working in lab, how what you learnt in lectures and what you learnt in practice come together.

I've always been very curious about the natural world and now I'm studying it with people who love what they do, who are extremely knowledgeable and intelligent, who want me to learn and succeed. Also, our puns are the best 😁

Now, for the drawbacks...

Back to seriousness though: I'm not sure if any of the cons I'm about to list are chemistry specific, I think being in uni is just Like That™️, but I'd say the failures hurt like crazy. Sometimes I study so hard and do my best but still get a low grade. Chemistry is a demanding major. And the thing is, everyone around is also working so hard, and it looks like you're surrounded by absolutely brilliant people (I know I am!), so your insecurities may really flare up.

Consistency and discipline are absolutely necessary - once you fall behind, it can be very difficult to catch up and I guess you can see how that gets stressful at times. Similarly, you need to be mindful about what you study - you come across a difficult topic, decide to skip it to save some precious time, and I can promise you that each one of those without a fail will come up sooner or later like the hiccups. Basics first. You need to grasp them well and not shy away from things you don't instantly understand.

Each semester is a bit different, but my second one in particular has been exhausting in terms of the number of classes I had to take. After 7h (and a million reactions...) in lab I still had to go to another class and wrestle with Excel, and the only reason I was able to come home afterwards and do Nothing™️ was because I'd spent the entire previous weekend studying.

Every major has its downsides though. I used to study something else (biotechnology if you're curious) and I hated it, so I think I'm a lot more aware of what I like and dislike now, what I can endure, and what I care about - and I've found out chemistry is something I care about deeply, something I can picture myself choosing over and over again if given the chance. That means the pros outweigh the cons for me.

I hope this answers your question and didn't bore you to death 😅

[astros-turf]

So, just as an aside based on my last post that I probably will delete if it continues to go off the rails... If you think like this:

Then please consider a few things:

People come from a variety of educational backgrounds, and some people (like myself) were never taught *how* to research.

"Common knowledge" to you may not be common knowledge to others.

People who are actively asking for help in finding out *how* things work shouldn't be berated for simply asking questions.

If you don't think where you are seeing a question being asked is the right place, you are free to redirect them to the correct place to ask that question if you know of somewhere better, but insulting people doesn't help people learn.

I will say that again. INSULTING PEOPLE DOES NOT HELP THEM LEARN.

Plenty of very smart people are on tumblr, and while we may all be losers lmao, I have learned a lot of very important things on here from people that enjoy sharing their knowledge and sourcing their information. (Those are the kinda people I was looking for on my post because I am struggling to find them via tumblrs broken AF search lmao)

If the lovely person that commented that thinking I'm some idiot is reading this, my dear, I *have* researched the candidates. Im best friends with vote411.org and progressivevotersguide.com and I do my research and vote according to what I think is best at the time. However, that was not the point of the post.

The point of the post is that I am trying to find out: "is the correct option to vote for still Biden even tho I fucking hate how he's handling shit? What else can I do as a voter to help make the right changes? Is there any more I can do except for just voting for people who have similar values to me when an election comes up? Can I actually trust their campaign or is there a better resource out there?"

Because personally? I was homeschooled by abusive conservative Christians with a heavily bible influenced homeschool curriculum that my parents barely helped me with. I taught myself basically everything I know from researching shit myself and just googling stuff until it works. I still am not very good at math, my concept of sciences are fucked. I can read very well, but the comprehension of certain things still evades me just because I was not given proper building blocks to learn from and have no idea how to find beginner information for so many things.

I have tried many times to research how the presidental election system works, even wrote a 10 page paper on it in high school because I knew I didn't understand it and wanted to devote my time to learning it, but even then it was "corrected" by my parents that *also* don't know how the system works so they basically took whatever my 15 year old self wrote as fact so long as my punctuation was okay. I sorta can grasp it, but in a situation like our current one, what I am curious about is who the hell people like me are going to vote for. Because the way the electoral college works means we basically only have two options, even though on paper we are supposed to have numerous options.

Because my brain feels like there has to be a secret third option that I just don't know about because I'm not googling the right terms because I don't even know what to Google. And replies like the one I screenshot and shared above are EXACTLY the reason why most people don't ask questions. So I will say again,

If you want people to be informed on things you're already informed on, INSULTING PEOPLE DOES NOT MAKE THEM LEARN.