#but we’re expected to make money in order to exist

[vatelixx]

The enormity of my desire (disgusts me),

Very very early seasons (1 — start of 2) Spencer Reid x afab!BAU!reader

SMUT!! (and fluff, some angst in relation to Spencer’s past because it can never be too happy, we’re not allowed nice things here). first times & explorations of intimacy.

──── autistic spencer (it’s a central theme to the plot), reader is actually morally good (for once).

Warnings: sub spencer (what did u even expect?), heavy corruption kink, first time for Spencer (all i do is sit around and think about how i’d like to devirgin that genius), HEAAVY praise kink, very very inexperienced Spencer, slight? oral fixation, they’re both just rlly down bad (i told u i would write something light, i delivered), Reader is whipped, Spencer is sooo much worse. Biblical references, Religious imagery, i think i talk about math equations???? And random metaphors/complexes.

w.c: 4k

a/n: i rlly wanted to explore aspects of spencer that criminal minds swept under the rug (cough cough his undiagnosed autism, cough cough his social exclusion, cough cough his crippling fear of forever being alone). Next upload will prob be heavy angst/no smut post-prison spencer (god help me please, i must be a masochist for the way i make myself suffer)

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There’s a lot Spencer hasn’t done.

He knows he’s behind, that he never quite caught up when it came to the taboo of sex and intimacy. Everything, everything, he’s ever had has been centred around exclusion, alienation, he feels like he’s lived on pause. Frozen, never advancing, stuck on ‘go’. Touch isn’t easy for him, interpersonal relationships are worse. He’s different, god he’s heard that his entire life. ‘You’re not weird, you’re just… different’, but maybe he is weird. Maybe his whole existence is just one big cosmic fuck you, because he’s missed out on so much, so much that he can’t understand, comprehend, act out against. Falling behind; this is the only area of life where he continuously comes up short, inexperienced, naive, he’s not used to being incompetent.

He’s never experienced want the way others do. He could never just hook up, fall into the body of another, expose them to the vulnerable elements of his stature. Open himself up to scrutiny. He might be a genius, he might be intellectually advanced, accepted into a multitude of ivy leagues before he was old enough to vote, but there’s drawbacks to his success. Social awkwardness, an inability to blend, mould, be one of the crowd. Sometimes he wishes he was average, something grey and mundane, so far reduced from the person he is now— it would all be plainly simple.

But he’s not, he’s not. So, this is the weight he has to bare for the brain he never asked for.

Pyrrhic victory, he’ll always be renowned for his intelligence. ‘You’re going to change the world kid,’ maybe, but simultaneously, he’ll never get to experience said world. There’s a chance he’ll always be on the outside, watching normal people gravitate towards each other. Live dreary lives of domesticated simplicity. Stacked bills, arguments over money and parenting techniques. Going to bed angry, only to turn around, mid-night, and resolve it, to not sleep on bad blood. To take them off the couch, to settle into predestined sides of the mattress.

There’s not enough possessions in the world he’d sacrifice just to experience love.

Hedgehog dilemma, the challenges of human intimacy. The hedgehogs want to move closer, to preserve heat during cold. But, they are forced, biologically cursed to remain apart, in order to prevent themselves from harming each other. Spencer doesn’t want to be hurt, to hurt, it’s a morbid byproduct of his upbringing; all he ever endured was mockery.

He thought he’d never get to experience the physical, carnal aspects of existence. And sure, he made peace with the notion, accepted the consequences of being born atypical. Learnt to live without.

But then, oh then there was you. Pretty, intellectual you who quite literally tipped his world on it’s axis. Upheaved the most stable of routines. New to the BAU, he wanted you to last. To stay around, endure the worst of the job. If only for his selfish benefit of orbiting in your presence.

He remembers how it all started: Detroit, another case, more budget cuts, forced proximity that sent you spiralling into a shared bed for the night.

“You’re my favourite person in the team.” you admitted, “And I know that’s dumb, because we’ve spoken the least, but… you’re just, so you. That’s a good thing by the way, a really really good thing.”

He couldn’t quite believe you were talking about him. Spencer, who spilt coffee, and slipped into ceaseless tangents about obscure information. Spencer, who walked into walls when you were around, stumbling over his sentences before deftly, very astutely, giving up, walking away mid-conversation. He wore sweater-vests and colourful mismatched socks, it’s not like he was going to be crowned ‘white boy of the month’.

“Not dumb.” Spencer had responded, shifting closer to tangle further into the warm mess of this accidental situation. “That’s good. I like being me.” he mumbled. “Sometimes…. sometimes it sucks. But that’s okay. I think it’s okay?”

He moved to press his face into the crook of your neck, but you were faster, gathering him by tousled hair, forcing him to look you in the eye.

Oh.

“Please. Please.” he whispered, breaking apart, fracturing, “Please like me. And more than in a weird, ‘just friends or coworkers’ way.”

You did. You do. He should’ve kissed you then, but maybe he was scared, maybe he couldn’t quite discern his feelings, separate the logic from the emotional. So he waited, waited, waited until now. Your third date, you take him to an exhibition within a science centre: replica models of the solar system, filling rooms up, papier-mâché sculptures illuminated by light.

Best date ever. You listen, even when he’s rambling about planets, when he’s pointing out that yes, Jupiter’s density is less than water. That, technically, it would float in a bathtub, if one was built to accommodate its size. You don’t care that he’s not exactly the staple-piece for conventionally attractive males. That he’s nerdish, and awkward, and so so inexperienced when it comes to this.

In his apartment, later, much later, he looks at you, looks at you like you’re the one who just solved the fucking Riemann hypothesis.

“What do you want the most? Like,… if you could ask for one thing.” you say, and god, Spencer loves when you pose these deep, hypothetical questions. When you make him think, because you, you are the biggest challenge to his intellect yet.

You. He wants to say. But he settles for ‘Being remembered,’ instead. He works to untangle layers of fabric, your scarf, your jacket, letting out an exasperated laugh when he meets your amused gaze. “Right now though? I think I’d settle for kissing you.”

You cup his jaw, tracing your fingers along the sharp curve, and god he has perfect anatomy. “Settle huh? You should be more appreciative.”

He leans forward to press a chaste kiss against your lips. Drawing away for a moment, just to return because he’s never had this before. Because for the first time in his life, he gets it. He gets physical attraction, even if it took time. He’s kissed, been kissed, yes. But he could count those moments on one hand, and if you asked how many he truly enjoyed, he’d be left with no fingers raised.

“Believe me, i’m very appreciative…”

This isn’t like before, what he felt in the past; he expected something monotone, flighty, a brief fleeting moment of satisfaction. Means to an end. No, it’s actually the best thing he’s ever experienced, and he’s going to become so insufferable after this, because he’s just found out he is very very into kissing.

Correction: he’s very into kissing you.

In the moment between parting, and touching again, he assumes you to be divinity personified. Spencer has never been religious, but something of this magnitude should be canonised. He wants to ask you. Ask you when you became this beautiful. When you became the person he needs to kiss a second time, kiss a third time, kiss until his lips go numb.

A shaky inhale, a pause. “I hope… I hope that it was okay - I mean, it was good for me. Really, really good. Um—“ to be honest, he’s just glad he didn’t say thankyou.

“Yeah, Spence. That was… wow.” you draw your bottom lip between teeth, press into tissued flesh. Jesus Christ. “Wanna try again?”

Yes yes yes yes. He looks at you, pupils blown obscenely out of proportion. Part of him wants to say, ‘why didn’t we do this sooner?’ But that’s not fair; he’s only ready now. Now that he feels, now that he might be a little in love with you.

“Please,” is his answer, and then he’s catching your face in the palms of his hand, tugging your lips back to his, because admittedly, they have ached in the long, extensive period you were apart (53 seconds).

This time it deepens and Spencer sees stars. It’s an astronomical phenomenon, something interstellar— and god, he’s relating kissing to space. They should just tape the word ‘virgin’ to his back and call it a day.

There’s soft little breathy sighs escaping his mouth now, bleeding into yours. And yeah, spontaneous combustion might be a real threat. Actually no, it would hardly be spontaneous; there’s a clear, clear cause, and it just so happens to be your ruinous lips.

This is an entirely new facet of the human experience. The kiss is electric; he’s always been partial toward physics, and right now his veins carry an alternating current.

You know, he could probably write a thesis based on this.

You both stumble back back back until he’s hitting a wall, and yes, thankyou. He’s making all sorts of sounds he can’t justify, and it’s a supernova, an infinite black pool of— oh, he thinks he might die, ascend, transcend, when you press your thumb against his chin, hold your lips at just a little slant from his. Force him to wait there.

“Please,” he’s never been above begging. A worthy sacrifice, one he’ll certainly repeat again because you return to the kiss, and the world around him dissolves.

You’ve got one hand tangled in his hair. Tousled auburn, fingers sinking into strands, pushing all the way down to the root. The other is still cupping his face, keeping him close, keeping him selfishly close actually.

“Spence,” you murmur. And yes. Yes. He likes that. The way his name sounds rolling off your tongue, like it was destined to be there. Like he was destined to be yours.

His world is ending. So is yours. Fuck it, he presses himself against your thigh, and ohmygodohmygod. He’s being loud, he’s actually being so criminally loud right now because apparently he’s the most whorish virgin to ever exist.

“I lied, I lied,” he admits between messy kisses, “When you asked what I wanted the most? It’s not to be remembered, well it is, its on the list. But—“ he groans, kisses you again because talking interrupts matters that are more important. Like your lips.

“I wanna cum.”

Eloquent.

Spencer Reid being dirty? Oh, it’s hot, it’s so hot to reduce someone to such an obscene state. To reduce him, the boyish fumbling nerd (who just so happens to be the most beautiful person in existence) to such a degrading mess.

Still, there’s shock. Not because he said it (you greatly appreciate the indecent things falling from those pretty lips right now), but because—

“You’ve never? Haven’t even experienced it once? By yourself?”

He should be embarrassed, but his lips are red, his eyes are glassy, and the bulge in his pants is straining to be touched. “Never,” he sighs shakilly. “Never, and i’m— i’m starting to understand why it’s so popular.”

He whimpers, pushes himself against your thigh, because the friction, yes. “Is that weird? Please don’t think i’m weird. Because I’m really, really weird. Just maybe… not in that way?”

It’s never been enough. His body sometimes feels numb to the touch, and yet still so very overstimulated. Like he manually blocks himself from feeling, already prepared for the flinch. How does he explain that life hasn’t been kind to him? That he hates his body because of what people made it out to be when he was a child. Stripping him naked, tying him to a goalpost, always the underdog. The one to be targeted, tormented.

“It’s actually kinda hot,” you interrupt his thoughts, and just because you’re evil, corrupt, the worst, you press your thigh harder against his clothed cock, palm covering his mouth when a plethora of whiny sounds escape his mouth.

It’s performative, really. Alone in his apartment, there’s no need for noise control. So when your thumb slips between parted, swollen lips, he knows to suck. The average human hand has between 10,000 and 10 million bacteria, and Spencer does not actually give a fuck anymore.

“To think that you’ve never even felt what it’s like. That you’re gonna feel it with me for the first time. I get to see that shit— god, you’re going to look so fucking pretty for me.”

You draw your thumb out of his mouth, and he has the audacity to whine.

He’s never wanted anything more in his entire life. It’s all tertiary now. Only this matters.

“Please don’t praise me—“ he protests, “I’ll probably finish in my pants.”

“Praise kink, noted.”

You laugh, and he can only groan, curse existence for being this cruel to his overworked, undervalued body. “Don’t— don’t laugh. You’re not supposed to laugh, that can heighten performance anxiety. Increase insecurity, and…” he sighs, “You do not care. Sadistic tendencies, noted.”

“Shut up. Wanna see you.” you say, and he’s just muttering breathless mhm’s, too delirious to function; his body is betraying the last iota of self-control like the little whore it apparently is.

His sweater comes off first, then his top. Discarded fabric, his raised arms when you mutter a candid ‘up’, giving way to exposed skin. In response? Your pupils dilate. Spencer knows because he’s analysing, profiling. If you hate him like this, he’s fairly certain he’ll drag himself into a self-dug early grave. He wishes he was being melodramatic. That your approval didn’t have such a substantial impact on his carefully-constructed ego. But, oh, it does. It does.

Thin, with a long, defined torso, he blushes, rose blemished skin, when your hands drag across his stomach. He’d love to say he reacts sanely, suavely. Urbane to your touch. But that would be a total, discreditable lie. Instead, his back arches, seeking contact, following the path of your fingertips with pitiful desperation. He feels malleable, willing to bend and contort, if only to feel more.

“How can you not think you’re pretty, Spence?” His pants are gone next, then his stained boxers, fabric borderline sheer now, soaked through with pre-cum.

Spencer feels betrayed. His body never responds, not to his own hands, not to his own thoughts. And yet, the moment you’re on him, he’s a live-wire. It’s sick, heinous, double-crossing. Maybe it’s purposeful, done just to spite him. Figures.

“Holy shit, look at you. Look at how perfect you are.” Spencer wants to object, because he distinctly told you not to praise him. However,.. right now, the lights are on but nobody is home. Brain-death, he’s certainly in a vegetative state.

“Ohmygodohmygod,” he whimpers, because no amount of knowledge about human anatomy and physiology could prepare him for how he feels under your touch. No amount of education in the psychology of relationships could inform him of how viscerally wrong the way you look at him feels.

Because it’s not wrong, not all. It’s the most right he’s ever felt, and he’ll tell you that if you’ll just keep it up.

The sounds he’s making are phonographic, lewd, you’ve given up on trying to stifle them now. Where have you been hiding? Your eyes fall, and he wants to blush away from the exhibiting gaze, but he’s just…. too far gone; the thought of your touch outweighs any previous reticence. Then, oh then, you drop to your knees, and shit. He expected your thigh, maybe your hand if he was lucky, not—

This. Your mouth, your tongue, your pretty lips; god, god, is this a sin? Because if it is, he’ll take it.

“Please,” he whines, and he can’t look anymore because the sight alone is going to send him over the edge. He’s gripping the wall, scrambling scrambling for purchase, because he’s trying not to grip you, but how exactly does he keep this respectful?

He’s pretty sure they’re past that, considering your mouth is currently wrapped around his cock, and he’s debauched.

You want this, you want him, he feels like he’s transcended humanity, like he’s become someone, anyone and anything, that deserves the way you’re taking him apart, piece by piece. In the aftermath, he hopes you don’t leave a single ounce of him intact.

“Wanna kiss you. Oh— oh oh,” he’s sobbing now, “Come back here. Miss your mouth— even if it’s,” he looks down and that’s a mistake. “Please.”

Of course it would be Spencer to disrupt the best (and admittedly only) head of his life because he needs you closer.

You oblige, raising from your knees, and Spencer thinks it might be sacrilegious. But then again, he feels religion in your touch so it can’t be too profane. Maybe? He’s not sure, he’s not sure and it doesn’t matter. Ethics and morality have long since disintegrated, sins are engrained into humankind. He almost wants to thank Eve for tearing into the apple, because it’s allowed this irreverence to occur.

Spencer blindly follows you through the apartment, stumbling and muttering until he can collapse against the bed. Baring his pretty neck as his head hits the bedframe. Tangled in sheets, draped over his lap, his deft fingers run across your waist, mapping out the structure of your frame. If only to remember, recite this act of blasphemy.

“Spence,” you whisper, and then his lips are crashing into yours, stealing breath, stealing sanity. He whimpers, murmurs a protest when you draw back, and you can only laugh. “Lets get you off, yeah? You wanna feel an orgasm, pretty boy?”

“Yes, yes please. That would uh— yes.” he’s not even sure how he’s conscious right now. His body, god his body, has endured more pleasure in the last hour than it has for the majority of his life. Your hands scathe, and Spencer is willing to indefinitely burn, if just to feel them one more time.

You only stop to take off your clothes, and surely there needs to be prep? To reaffirm, he knows anatomy, the correct procedure, how the transgression is supposed to occur. And yet, that’s from a clinical, objective mindset. Do this, do that, etc etc. Nothing works out like that in practice.

You’re so wet, panties stained through, he spares a moment to run his fingers across your thighs, hand slipping beneath fabric to graze your clit. The moan that follows has him distracted, thumb tracing circlets, over and over until you’re pulling back to return the balance. The balance, which admittedly is skewed, tipped scales, you’re on top. He falls to the weight of your influence.

And yeah, he’s more than fine with that. Jesus, you drag your panties down, down your thighs, your legs, then they’re reaching your ankles, pooling there for a moment before they’re being discarded, tossed somewhere on his floor — leaving behind a souvenir that yes, yes this happened.

“I can’t,” he says, burying his face into your shoulder when you take him. It’s slow, sinking onto his cock like every inch of warmth will destroy him. Maybe it will. Maybe he doesn’t care, because he deserves this. He deserves to feel after so much repression.

Or maybe, maybe he’s just become the biggest slut known to mankind. Likely.

Your body presses against his, and he thinks he’s going to disintegrate, because he feels so good. He understands now, he understands why people do this. Why it’s integral to the function of most. This is the best day of his life. This. Is. The. Best. Day. Of. His. Life.

There’s this noise, this pathetically loud whimper when you start to roll your hips— and oh your body is wet against him, and you’re so tight, and it’s perfect because he doesn’t have to do anything.

He can just sit here, look pretty, and cry.

He knows he’s a giver, that he’d bleed himself dry for you. It’s a curse, he supposes: so willing to bend backwards for the satisfaction of the people he trusts. But, this is foreign, and he wants to watch you, aimlessly stare, dumb and empty-headed as you wield his body like a weapon. Turn him into something perniciously yours.

Spencer has no reference for what an orgasm is supposed to feel like, and yeah, he’s really good at guessing in these type of situations. Because he’s rolling his thumb over your clit again, and he wants to draw it into his mouth, to see you laid out across bedsheets, writhing, unable to do anything but suffocate him with your thighs.

You clench around him, back arched, releasing a series of strained moans. With one hand tangled in his dishevelled hair, the other pressed against his chest, your face contorts, your body stiffens. There’s no way his incessant whimpering just got you off?

Okay. So you like him desperate. Point taken.

“Please— please, wanna cum. Wanna feel it so bad,” he’s slurring over his words, sentences punctured by devastating whimpers. And look at him, asking for permission, waiting even though his body has been teetering on the edge for so long now.

“Shh, shh..” you press your forehead against his, and he melts. Reoccurring theme. His hand grips your jaw, thumb pushed firmly against your chin, keeping you close. “You wanna cum for me, baby? Gonna give me your first?”

“Mhm— mhm…” is all he can say. When you pick up your pace, he has to burrow his face into the crook of your neck, whimpers messy and broken off, suppressed against your warm skin.

“Oh. Oh…” he repeats, again. Like there’s anything else he could utter, because this is earth-shattering.

It’s the sun, and all eight planets combined, and the universe collapsing in on itself, and he’s bucking, squirming, releasing into you, spilling deep.

He sobs. Breaks down. Because it’s so so good, and he can’t believe he ever deprived his body of this.

Neediest whore to ever exist, apparently.

It takes him a while to come back. Longer to regain motor function, to sink into present day. Life, and expectations, and everything, everything, your touch eradicated.

“Just… just stay like this?” he asks, collapsing against your body after he’s drawn out of you. There’s mess, evidence of your ministrations, but cleanliness seems futile when he’s blissed out, caught in a post-orgasmic haze that yes yes yes he needed so badly.

You card your hands through his hair, watch the way he stares up at you, large, widened eyes, chin resting against your chest. “Hi,” he mutters dumbly.

“Spence,” Spence, Spence, Spence. He could drown himself in that nickname.

“Yeah?” he breathes out.

“You we’re so good—“

He rolls away from you, finding a home for his face in the pillow. “Stop. Stop.” he groans, “Don’t do that. You’re going to destroy me. I’m not… equipped for this, for you. Someone should just sedate me, put me out of my misery, a coma sounds like—“

He tilts his head to the side, relinquishing, “Okay. Sorry. Meltdown over. Can we shower? Then maybe do this again? Which will make the shower inconsequential, I suppose. There’s a new documentary I want to watch, and oh, you still haven’t seen the third Star Wars—“

He’s happy, content, over the fucking moon, to be silenced with your lips. “Yeah,” he murmurs, hand interlocking with yours as you both fall back against the mattress, “Let’s do this again.”

[calliophes]

is there anything more mentally draining than applying for jobs and sending emails? no? didn’t think so

[itsclydebitches]

Zevlor: An Angsty Character Analysis

Hey, Zevlor simps. Can I interest anyone in 4,000 words about our favorite disaster tiefling? 💀

“We can’t stay, but we’ll be slaughtered if we leave—we’re no fighters.”

Back during my first play-through this is the line that turned Zevlor from another dime-a-dozen, exposition spouting NPC to a character I was legitimately interested in. “We’re no fighters.” My DnD ignorance abounds, but even I could see that wasn’t an accurate statement. Here’s a mountain of a man sporting fancier armor than my level 2 Tav knows exists yet, having wrecked half the goblin hoard with his crossbow and, if you let him, he'll happily turn to punching as a solution to verbal disagreements. Plus, he’s clearly the one giving the orders, so what do you mean you’re not a fighter?

Having explored the Grove a bit I chalked it up to a generalized assessment of the refugees as a whole. They’re mostly kids, civilians, and would-be protectors who only look the part of fighters in cobbled-together armor. One woman is grappling with the guilt of killing someone for the first time, even an enemy. Lakrissa is sure they’re all going to get slaughtered and is willing to put money on that fact. Meanwhile, the couple you meet are more concerned with what pet they’ll get when they somehow, someway, make it to the city. Don't worry about how that'll happen. You learn later that even those like Ronan are small potatoes compared to most of the baddies you’ll face. On paper he looks and sounds like the real deal—dressed in robes, talking up an apprenticeship with the famous Lorroakan—but scenes like the celebration light show and his own fury at needing to be saved, again, highlight how far he still has to go. The point is that Zevlor is right: these aren’t fighters and he at 18 strength, paladin, former commander, is definitely the exception.

However, BG3 is the sort of detail-heavy game where I’d expect them to include that exception in the dialogue. “We can’t stay, but we’ll be slaughtered if we leave—these people aren’t fighters.” Zevlor’s inclusion of himself in this assessment continued to nag at me and it didn’t start to make sense until I delved into his tag here on tumblr, with more patient players than myself posting everything there is to know about the tiefling. (Thanks, all.) Zevlor is fascinating to me in part because he has this contradictory nature, one example of which is that he’s a very talented fighter who desperately doesn’t want to be a fighter anymore.

…but also he totally does.

We overhear in his dialogue to Tilses that Zevlor is adamant about shedding the titles he’s earned through combat: Hellrider, Commander, Sir. He insists that they’re just civilians now and it’s not like he’s being disingenuous here—note that he introduces himself as just “Zevlor” to Tav. Zevlor means what he says to Tilses and we can see that he’s trying to both reinforce his point and lesson the blow by referring to her as “Tilly.” The nickname is a sweet one, hinting at their close bond in just a single word, reminding her that he’s not saying this to hurt her, he cares for her… but the nickname is simultaneously something he never would have used as her commander. The intimacy meant to comfort is also a hard blow to weather. They're now people who use nicknames inappropriate for the hierarchy of battle.

So Zevlor means what he says here, means it enough that Tilses is convinced and drops her use of “Commander,” but there’s definitely a hint of bitterness in his voice. At least, I’ve always heard it. Zevlor is steadfast in his conviction here, even going so far as to say, “I’m done soldiering, Tilly” when discussing what will come next at Baldur’s Gate. Yet for all of that his tone conveys (understandable) anger and disappointment that it’s come to this. Zevlor doesn’t act like someone who truly wants this change, but rather someone who’s been forced to accept it.

Is it outside forces unwillingly influencing him then? Did Avernus truly change things irrevocably? No, not really. At least, not in the way Zevlor likes to claim. Tilses herself states that being a Hellrider is for life; nothing can take away that title. You lost your post? Your whole city? Most of the people under your protection? Doesn’t matter! You’re a Hellrider forever, no matter the circumstances. I can easily picture a time in Zevlor's life where he would have agreed with Tilses wholeheartedly. They are Hellriders, dammit, and so long as there’s one person looking for their help they will wield that title alongside their blades. And right now, Zevlor has a lot more than just one person in need of his assistance.

So it’s not that Avernus truly stripped them of that identity. Nothing can do that. Zevlor is not rejecting titles and planning retirement because the mechanisms of fate are forcing him to.

He’s doing all that because he’s lost confidence in himself.

Even as someone with a shaky understanding of DnD classes, I love the parallel between a broken oath and the rejection of a lifelong title. If Zevlor can fail in his oath—or in his faith entirely, according to the memories stemming from his pod—why-ever would he think that any other ‘permanent’ part of his identity was worth fighting for? If you can loose the very thing you’ve built your entire life around, every important aspect of yourself, tied to your very soul… what’s a bestowed title compared to that? Zevlor doesn’t believe himself worthy of being a Hellrider anymore, but I think that goes deeper than a string of horrific circumstances making him feel incompetent. As an Oathbreaker, Zevlor likely believes that if he couldn’t uphold that, he can’t uphold anything. Calling himself a Hellrider would be a lie. A fiction. A pathetic, dangerous, insulting fiction at that. It’s like calling yourself the “Hero” while continually failing those around you. Sure, others might insist it’s a title you’ve earned, one you will always carry with you, but you don’t believe them anymore and at a certain point calling yourself that feels worse than embracing the title of “Villain." You don’t want to be the villain… but you want to pretend you’re the hero even less. Pretending is exhausting.

We see this struggle in the many ways that Zevlor fails, or almost fails, to uphold the ideals that originally guided him. I use the term “villain” above deliberately because Zevlor is not merely a former hero-type who’s self confidence has been shattered, or who has been reduced to a civilian, or who thinks themselves useless; he’s actively fighting against temptations that, under less stressful situations, he’d never even consider. I don’t think he is a villain, I think he’s a flawed, struggling victim who sees his own, inevitable mistakes as villainous—and the longer that warped perspective continues the easier it is to fall into bad behaviors. This cycle is perfectly summarized in the autobiography Zevlor keeps by his bed:

“When every passer-by thinks you a thief and a heretic, it is deeply tempting to become one.”

We don’t know if this is Zevlor’s autobiography (as far as I’m aware, anyway) but even if it’s not the words have clearly resonated enough for him to keep them nearby. This particular line paints a pretty clear picture of Zevlor’s struggle. If everyone you meet says you’re devil-kin, vermin, or would-be criminal, isn’t it easier to just give them what they want? If you can’t persuade them otherwise, why put in the effort of trying? If he can’t be Faithful to his God, why have faith in anything at all? If he can’t save these people—setback after setback, mistake after mistake—why is he even making the effort?

Zevlor obviously is trying, very, very hard, which is why such thoughts are merely temptations rather than actual, questionable actions. Still, the Grove gives us numerous examples of the precipice he’s balanced on—and the ways Tav can tip him in one direction or another. You can talk Zevlor down from his anger and get him to acknowledge his disgust in nearly sinking to Aradin’s level. You can also let him boil over and punch the human at a time when the last thing anyone needs is more violence. You can convince Zevlor that there are peaceful ways of stopping Kagha's ritual, or you can help him in pursuing the darker temptation to kill her. It’s a “low” thought, but at his own admission he hasn’t been above entertaining it. Zevlor’s requests for help, though always polite and humble, carry a spark of manipulation in them too. He’s not above leveraging your previously selfless good deed to his advantage—"She owes you for saving this grove"—and if you approach him before speaking with Kagha he’ll claim that the ritual will “be trouble—for all of us.” Except, no? Not really? Tav can make it clear that they’re just here for a healer, they’re only passing through, and as a fighter they are not beholden to the Grove’s sanctuary as the teiflings are. It’s not trouble for everyone involved, yet Zevlor frames it as such in the hopes that (unnecessary) self-interest may motivate you if selflessness fails. Finally, if Zevlor dies in your play-through and you use Speak the Dead on him, he will admit to having “plenty” of secrets, none of which he’ll share. Admittedly, this may be the result of cut content, specifically a story-line in which Zevlor knowingly betrays the tieflings rather than being tricked by the Absolute. Still, the game as it stands is the story we have and within it we’re given a man who is both fighting against these dark urges (ha) and has a past riddled with secrets. If Zevlor is anything, it’s blunt when it comes to his own failings, accurate and otherwise. So how terrible must these secrets be that he outright refuses to divulge them when, generally speaking, most corpses speak freely in death?

However, out of all of this the struggle I’m most intrigued by is the one surrounding the gate. Zevlor represents the tieflings: persecuted refugees, vulnerable civilians, people seeking to survive through cooperation, specifically by joining a community. Kagha represents the druids (or at least a vocal subset of them in Halsin’s absence): bigoted individuals, powerful fighters, people seeking to survive by giving in to their fears, specifically by keeping themselves isolated. This is the moral dichotomy of the Grove and it is symbolized through the gate. Zevlor wants to open it to everyone whereas Kagha wants to close it, permanently.

So isn’t it odd that Zevlor is the one ordering it shut?

When the scene first starts Kanon shouts down that no, he won’t open the gate. Zevlor said that no one is allowed in. Notably, he’s saying this to Aradin and his crew, people that the Grove is at least passingly familiar with, given that Halsin left with them to search the temple. It’s also notable that Zevlor isn’t expecting goblins to attack the Grove. He’s shocked that this is suddenly a problem, brought about by Aradin’s decision—“You lead them here?”— and the entire point of staying at the Grove is that it’s at least comparatively safe. Yes, there have been more attacks lately, but Zevlor seems to be relying on the Grove’s relatively unknown location, as well as the fact that goblins are normally disorganized. The safety is only compromised because Aradin brought a hunting party back, so Zevlor has no reason to expect any visitors, let alone ones that would be a threat.

More importantly, he should welcome such visitors even if he did expect them. After all, that’s precisely what the tieflings are: strangers with no ulterior motives other than to survive. Broadly speaking it makes perfect sense why he'd shut the gates. Zevlor’s first priority is to his people, so anything that keeps them safe is, theoretically, a good thing. But through the lens of his specific characterization and this specific, moral dilemma, it’s an awfully hypocritical decision. Based on everything we’ve seen, our party would not have been welcomed by Zevlor if we’d arrived without danger on our heels and a rescue to endear him to us. So his people should be welcomed, trusted, kept safe, given the benefit of the doubt… but Zevlor isn’t necessarily willing to extend that same trust to others. At the end of the day, he and Kagha want a version of the same thing: safety for those they deem are worthy of it.

It’s precisely these flaws and temptations that make Zevlor such a great character to me, even before he’s tricked by the Absolute. The fandom has leaned hard into Zevlor’s self-loathing and let me tell you, I love it (kisses, hugs, and cookies for you all), but canonically I think he has more reason to fear himself than we tend to portray in the H/C fics. I’m not saying he’s a bad person. Rather, it’s precisely because Zevlor is such a good person that he has the capacity to fall so far. It’s his all-consuming desire to protect his family that leads Zevlor to do and consider so much that a paladin would normally balk at. Denying others the safety you’ve been granted. Subtly manipulating others to do your dirty work. Considering murder.

Zevlor is someone torn between doing the Right Thing and the thing he believes will help those under his care survive. Importantly, when we first meet him he considers these to be two separate courses of action. So can you imagine what goes through his head when he first sees Tav saving everyone and doing so righteously? I think it’s integral to Zevlor’s characterization that the game all but forces you to play the Good Guy in that initial encounter. A cut scene starts, you’re thrown into combat immediately afterwards, and unless you plan to start attacking the Grove members alongside the goblins (which the mechanics discourage through the coloring that distinguishes enemies from allies) you will always finish this fight as Zevlor’s hero. Sure, you can be an asshole afterwards and demand payment. You could already be plotting your betrayal and the slaughter of all the refugees. But in this moment you are nothing but a miracle made flesh in his eyes. Right from the start Tav is succeeding in all the ways Zevlor feels like he's failed. You're the hero.

More specifically, you’re an Every-Man Hero. We might have epic backstories for our Tavs, but within confines of the game you’re largely a nobody when not playing an Origin character. How powerful must that have been to witness then? A total stranger, someone who has no ties to the tieflings or even, depending on your class, any sworn reason to help others, putting their life on the line to save what is most precious to Zevlor? I think a lot about the fact that he never asks Wyll to step in and try to change Kagha’s mind. She owes him just as much as she does Tav—Wyll is an equal participant in that fight and, if your shoddy play style is anything like mine, he likely did more damage—and Wyll is clearly invested in the tiefling’s survival, training the kids as he is. Now, obviously Zevlor’s reticence is largely a question of assigned roles (we need to be the one engaging with Kagha because we’re the protagonist/player) but, like Zevlor’s choice to include himself in the Not a Fighter group, it would have been all too easy to explain this away within the narrative. One comment about how Wyll already tried and failed, or how Kagha doesn’t trust Warlocks, or hell, maybe you don’t meet Wyll in the Grove at all. It’s an easy thing to accomplish and though this is edging more into the realm of headcanon than anything else, I can’t help but think that Wyll isn’t the kind of person that Zevlor could turn to for help right now. Because he’s a folk hero. The Blade of Frontiers, known far and wide for his impressive, selfless deeds. Zevlor is struggling so hard to keep the tieflings safe, tempted by all the unsavory solutions that might achieve that, drowning in self-hatred as his past and current failings catch up with him, wanting nothing more than to be his peoples’ protector:

“I would be a paladin again—with a god’s purpose, a god’s power. Everything I needed to protect my people. And all the while, the cult tortured them. They fought, and ran, and died around me, while I imagined myself their savior.”

Three of the things Zevlor mutters while trapped in the pod are “Hellrider… for… life…,” “Trust… in me…,” and “Children… look away… look at me…” He wants to be the protector, the one children look to for reassurance, he wants his words to Tilly to be a lie and he wants a way to prove that he is a Hellrider for life… but he’s not. At least, Zevlor doesn’t believe it. He lost his titles while Wyll still proudly bears his. Wyll trains the children to fight while Zevlor can only get swept up in anger at them being threatened. The people trust Wyll, adore him, he’s the hero and Zevlor… is not. Not anymore.

It’s too painful to approach Wyll and admit all that. That would be a hell of a blow to Zevlor's pride. But Tav? A stranger? A nobody? The Every-man who had no reason to help or reputation pressuring them, saving them anyway? That’s inspiring. Someone like Tav could be the answer and even, perhaps, the proof that Zevlor could redeem himself. Neither of them are folk heroes, untouchable in their assumed perfection. Tav is a living, breathing example of how the flawed, everyday adventurer can be everything Zevlor strives for.

No wonder he won’t shut up about them in the Shadowlands.

All of this is why it’s so tragic that Zevlor wasn’t given a redemption arc. Sure, you can recruit him for the final battle against the Netherbrain, but there’s no quest to change the cast’s opinion of him—or change Zevlor’s opinion of himself. All his content at the end of Act 2 and Act 3 reinforces that self-hatred.

Let’s make a list, shall we?

Nearly every line of his reunion with Tav has Zevlor painting himself in the worst light possible, from “a lie kinder than the truth” to his refusal to join you because he believes he’ll stab you in the back. You cannot convince him of the Absolute’s manipulation and there’s no response to his belief that such horrors start within the person like, “Of course it does! Because we’re all flawed and equally capable of good and evil deeds! That potential doesn’t make you irredeemable, Zevlor, it makes you mortal!!”

He’s utterly failed as his peoples’ champion and he’s also deemed “unworthy” of being a True Soul. Obviously not being chosen by the Absolute is a good thing, but for a man drowning in self-loathing that’s one hell of a complicated rejection.

Nearly all the tieflings hate him now, all those people he’s been sacrificing his soul to keep safe. I found it particularly devastating that this is one of the rare occasions where nailing a persuasion check doesn’t change the person’s mind. There’s at least one tiefling at Moonrise (I’m drawing a blank on her name) who will believe you when you explain how the Absolute influenced Zevlor, but that doesn’t lead to forgiveness.

Zevlor is deemed unimportant on a literal, narrative level. He is very easy to miss in the pods (I nearly did on my first play-through) and the game does incredibly little to dissuade you from that mistake. Putting aside for a moment that obviously an Origin companion is more significant than a minor NPC, compare this to Shadowheart screaming from her own pod, the game making it abundantly clear that this is someone in need of help—someone worth rescuing. She’ll even say later that you could have run past, more concerned with your own survival and the big picture heroics to bother with her. How must it feel then, if Zevlor ever learns that Tav was there and never stopped for him?

If you do miss Zevlor… oh boy. We’ve probably all seen at least a recording of Orin’s so-called gift. There are plenty of characters who can meet untimely and devastating ends, but very few go through this level of horror. Zevlor—after being held captive, remember—is tortured by God’s Favorite Torturer. He is stripped of his personhood and reduced to a mere “message,” a “pet.” Zevlor is further humiliated in death by being literally stripped of his armor—not just vulnerable in his nakedness, but denied the last symbol of his faith, his status, his power—and it’s always struck me that this is the closest we see to him 'enjoying' an intimate moment, this parody in Orin’s painting. Zevlor is one of the NPC’s most in need of physical comfort and instead he’s forced into this torturous mockery of a sex scene. It also hits hard that when Tav first spots his body the narration says that Zevlor “might almost be sleeping.” Undoubtedly this is a man who isn’t taking good care of himself. He needs a good night’s rest, yet this horrifying trick is all he gets.

As if all this weren’t enough, most of your companion are VERY critical of Zevlor while commenting on his demise. It’s one thing for the tieflings to believe the worst given their ignorance and the fact that they are the ones who suffered from Zevlor’s failure, but your company understands the Absolute and the ways that she gets her hooks in people. Still, Astarion calls him a “wet rag” even if he did deserve better than this. Shadowheart wouldn’t have wished this on him either, but she can’t help but slip in a “no matter his failings.” Lae’zel, often the most blunt, straight up says that he was “always destined to fail his people—and to fail us.” Wyll shakes his head and intones that “even good intentions can lead us down deadly paths.” Only Gale and Karlach stick to mourning the dead rather than airing his shortcomings.

When I spoke to my allies before the final battle Zevlor didn’t have a cut scene. It became clear to me later that this must have been a bug in my play-through, but at the time it only reinforced my feelings that his story was incomplete. Looking on Youtube I’ve found recordings of him saying that he is a Hellrider once more and he would “die a proud man if [he] were to die this day”… but that rings as terribly hollow given where we left him. Last we were together, Zevlor was saying in no uncertain terms that he could not be trusted, he would fail again, he was unworthy of forgiveness. Where did this change of heart come from? It makes perfect sense that he would help Tav in this moment—he begs to be of some use after getting free—but not that he would present himself with such confidence. Within the story as it’s been told this feels… fake. Like Zevlor is putting on a mask to fit the mood of this lively, optimistic party. Which, in turn, gives the “I would die a proud man” line a terrifying implication to me. Does Zevlor expect to die this day? Does he intend to? What would persuade him not to lay down his life here and now? His mission is complete. The tieflings are safe—though not by his hand. There's no hero's welcome waiting for him after this battle. They hate him. He hates himself, and by his own admission the one thing that could still make him proud would be to die at Tav’s side, trying to do one last bit of good. If someone said that to me after everything Zevlor has been through I would keep them far away from the front lines.

(I did, for the record lol.)

I’m not saying anything new then when I go, “Larian, PLEASE add more to his story.” Give us a Zevlor side-quest to renew his oath. Let us invite him to our camp. Something to link the broken man mid-game and the confident fighter at the end so that the latter doesn’t feel like an alarm bell with two legs and a tail. I mean yeah, I get hooked on minor characters so 75% of this is simply me wanting more content of a fave, but I also I do legitimately believe that BG3’s story would benefit from tying up loose ends like this.

Zevlor is a fantastic character, someone who contains an astounding amount of complexity for so little screen time. You have to follow up on that complexity though. If he’s meant to be a purely tragic figure, okay, fine, that’s the ending you get with Orin. But one where he joins you with a smile and reclaims a title he's previously rejected with such fervor requires more work in the middle; a through-line that explains how someone with so much self-loathing learns to think of himself as the hero again.

Because it does all come down to Zevlor’s perception of himself. He was always a hero, flaws and all. He always was and always will be a Hellrider.

The UI knows what's up :)

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

so part of me wants to blame this entirely on wbd, right? bloys said he was cool with the show getting shopped around, so assuming he was telling the truth (not that im abt to start blindly trusting anything a CEO says lol), that means it’s not an hbo problem. and we already know wbd has an awful track record with refusing to sell their properties—altho unlike coyote v acme, s3 of ofmd isn’t a completed work and therefore there isn’t the same tax writeoff incentive to bury the thing. i just can’t see any reason to hold on to ofmd except for worrying about image, bc it would be embarrassing if they let this show go with such a devoted fanbase and recognizable celebrities and it went somewhere else and did really well (which it would undoubtedly do really well, we’ve long since proven that). it feels kinda tinfoil hat of me to making assumptions abt what’s going on in wbd behind the scenes, but i also feel like there are hints that i’m onto something w my suspicions: suddenly cracking down on fan merch on etsy doesn’t seem like something a studio looking to sell their property would bother with, and we know someone was paying to track the viewing stats on ofmd’s bbc airing, which isn’t finished yet, so i’d expect whoever is monitoring that to not make a decision abt buying ofmd until the s2 finale dropped.

but also i think part of me just wants there to be a clear villain in the situation. it’s kinda comforting to have a face to blame, a clear target to shake my fist at. but the truth is that the entire streaming industry is in the shitter. streaming is not pulling in the kind of profit that investors were promised, and we’re seeing the bubble that was propped up w investor money finally start to pop. studios aren’t leaving much room in their budgets for acquiring new properties, and they’re whittling down what they already have. especially w the strikes last year, they’re all penny pinching like hell. and that’s much a much harder thing to rage against than just one studio or one CEO being shitty. that’s disheartening in a way that’s much bigger and more frightening than if there was just one guy to blame.

my guess is that the truth of the situation is probably somewhere in the middle. wbd is following the same shitty pattern they’ve been following since the merger, and it’s just a hard time for anyone trying to get their story picked up by any studio. ofmd is just one of many shows that are unlucky enough to exist at this very unstable time for the tv/streaming industry.

when i think abt it that way, tho, i’m struck by how lucky we are that ofmd even got to exist at all. if the wbd merger had happened a year earlier, or if djenks and tw tried to pitch this show a year later, there’s no way this show would’ve been made. s1 was given the runtime and the creative freedom needed to tell the story the way the showrunners wanted to, and the final product benefited from it so much that it became a huge hit from sheer gay word of mouth. and for all the imperfections with s2—the shorter episode order, the hard 30 minute per episode limit, the last-minute script changes, the finale a butchered mess of the intended creative vision—the team behind ofmd managed to tell a beautiful story despite the uphill battle they undoubtedly were up against. they ended the season with the main characters in a happy place. ed and stede are together, and our last shot of ed isn’t of him sobbing uncontrollably (like i rlly can’t stress enough how much i would have never been able to acknowledge the existence of this show again if s1 was all we got)

like. y’all. we were this close to a world where ofmd never got to exist. for me, at least, the pain of an undue cancellation is worth getting to have this story at all. so rather than taking my comfort in the form of righteous anger at david zaslav or at wbd or at the entire streaming industry as a whole, i’m trying to focus on how lucky i am to get to have the show in the first place.

bc really, even as i’m reeling in grief to know this is the end of the road for ofmd, a part of me still can’t quite wrap my head around that this show is real. a queer romcom about middle-aged men, a rejection of washboard abs and facetuned beauty standards, a masterful deconstruction and criticism of toxic masculinity, well-written female characters who get to shine despite being in a show that is primarily about manhood and masculinity, diverse characters whose stories never center around oppression and bigotry, a casually nonbinary character, violent revenge fantasies against oppressors that are cathartic but at the same time are not what brings the characters healing and joy, a queer found family, a strong theme of anti colonialism throughout the entire show. a diverse writers room that got to use their perspectives and experiences to inform the story. the fact that above all else, this show is about the love story between ed and stede, which means the character arcs, the thoughts, the feelings, the motivations, the backstories, and everything else that make up the characters of ed and stede are given the most focus and the most care.

bc there rlly aren’t a lot of shows where a character like stede—a flamboyant and overtly gay middle-aged man who abandoned his family to live his life authentically—gets to be the main character of a romcom, gets to be the hero who the show is rooting for.

and god, there definitely aren’t a lot of shows where a character like ed—a queer indigenous man who is famous, successful, hyper-competent, who feels trapped by rigid standards of toxic hypermasculinity, who yearns for softness and gentleness and genuine interpersonal connection and vulnerability, whose mental health struggles and suicidal intentions are given such a huge degree of attention and delicate care in their depiction, who messes up and hurts people when he’s in pain but who the show is still endlessly sympathetic towards—gets to exist at all, much less as the romantic lead and the second protagonist of the show.

so fuck the studios, fuck capitalism, fuck everything that brought the show to an end before the story was told all the way through. because the forces that are keeping s3 from being made are the same forces that would’ve seen the entire show canceled before it even began. s3 is canceled, and s2 suffered from studio meddling, but we still won. we got to have this show. we got to have these characters. there’s been so much working against this show from the very beginning but here we are, two years later, lives changed bc despite all odds, ofmd exists. they can’t take that away from us. they can’t make us stop talking abt or stop caring abt this show. i’m gonna be a fan of this show til the day i die, and the studios hate that. they hate that we care about things that don’t fit into their business strategy, they hate that not everyone will blindly consume endless IP reboots and spin-offs and cheap reality tv.

anyway i dont rlly have a neat way to end this post. sorta just rambling abt my feelings. idk, i know this sucks but im not rlly feeling like wallowing in it. i think my gratitude for the show is outweighing my grief and anger, at least for right now. most important thing tho is im not going anywhere. and my love for this show is certainly not fucking going anywhere.

[nakedbibi333]

https://www.tumblr.com/nakedbibi333/714154377701687297/i-have-alot-of-desires-at-once-intelligence

How?

I’ve gotten so many questions like this.

How do I fulfill my desire?

Trust me, whatever you’re thinking is overcomplicating it. I truly believe that everything I had learned before a month ago had been overcomplicating the law.

However, to understand this, I first need to answer the other question I’ve frequently gotten: how can I identify with my inner man?

Once again, I’m going to tell you that you’re overcomplicating it.

What do you feel when you close your eyes and forget the world around you? It’s a feeling, right? There’s no body, no physical sensations inside there, but somehow you feel that you’re still here, you’re still you, despite not having the outer physical characteristics of you. That little voice inside your head is your inner man. Your inner man is not separate from you. You don’t need a ritual or time or anything complicated to reach him, because he’s always with you. (Please note that despite using he/him pronouns I am using it in the general sense and I do not mean that everyone has a little MAN inside them, it’s the inner you, the inner self—which is the self that you must change in order to manifest all your desires.)

Self is simply what you do and have in your inner world

So, how do you identify with your inner self? You simply allow what you do, have, and experience internally to have more weight than the outer world. I can already hear you asking me once again, how do I do that? But the answer is so simple. Practice.

You have to practice believing that the outer world is a reflection of your inner world. And how do you do this? You test the law. Think about it, you imagine worst case scenarios all the time. You imagine arguments, you expect to fail, and you constantly keep yourself in a loop of negativity and pessimism. So, flip that. Just catch yourself when you’re immediately going to the worst and just do the opposite. But don’t do it to make something happen, because then you’re focused on the outer world and the outer man. All your fears show you what the inner man truly desires. If you’re fearing being unsafe, then your inner man desires safety. If you’re fearing rejection, then your inner man desires to be wanted. Use those feelings to recognize what your inner man desires and then give it to them.

How do you give it to them? Well, now we’re back to the main topic: you fulfill those desires internally.

The only thing you need to do to manifest anything you want is to change self. Once again, self is what you have, do, and experience internally. Not in the outer world. You can’t change your face by applying makeup to a mirror. You must reach the source, the self. The inner man.

You want more money? Imagine that your bank is full. See the numbers rising and feel that it’s truly happening. Remember that you do not need to visualize to get to the feeling of the wish fulfilled. You can hear your friends telling you how much you’ve changed. You can imagine how your new car feels under your touch. You don’t need to see in your mind to feel. Repeat that and persist but only to fulfill the inner man. Continue persisting until your inner self is satisfied. Your goal is not to make anything happen in the outer world. You should not care at all about what’s happening in the outer world. Why? Because that’s not your job. Your job is to change self. And remember, the law is that self must be reflected upon the outer world. When you change self, truly believing and feeling that you have what you have desired, then it must be reflected. You don’t have to be consistently thinking and worried about the outer world changing because that is not your job. Change self and it will all be taken care of for you.

That is truly all it takes to manifest all your desires. Never worry if it’ll happen, when it’ll happen, or if it’s possible. If you can imagine it, then it already exists. And if it already exists, since it is you that is experiencing your desire, then you can reach it. Every version of yourself is yours for the taking, no permission or “worthiness” needed. Stop asking if you can or should do something. If you desire it, fulfill it.

All of this is based on Edward Art’s main series on Reddit. So, if you’d like to know more, go read it.

[seat-safety-switch]

Tires cost a fortune. You can buy a car for $200, or at least you used to be able to, and easily spend double that on a set of rock-hard ditch-finders from the local tire shop. When I asked a tire company executive about it, they weasel-worded some mouth grease about tires being “expensive to ship.” Obviously, the only way I was going to get through this was to open a tire factory of my own.

This isn’t unusual. Tire factories used to dot this proud nation in a time before AliExpress and Amazon Secondus. Folks just like you and I would go to work and eke out a reasonable, middle-class existence – with a pension – putting high-quality tires under our neighbours’ cars, for cheap. Eventually, some spreadsheet said this was no longer cost-effective, and now we have to order our tires from another country.

I’m sure they have lots of good reasons for this. Tires are a lot better since the sixties and seventies: for instance, when it starts to snow, not everyone within a 50 mile radius of your car is instantly killed. You can brake harder into corners and also take them at greater speed, without them getting all greasy and knobbly as they heat up. You would expect this improved technology to cost more money, which means that the big tire executives needed to outsource it in order to make the final price more affordable.

Of course, this is patented bullshit. If you’re not interested in profit, you can make inexpensive, good tires all day long. Switch Tire Company, being technically a subsidiary of Switch Investment Corporation, is run entirely at a loss. We simply bet against ourselves every day, shorting our stock on the open market. People take the other side of it, maybe because we keep renaming our company to things like “Switch Blockchain Expressions” or “Switch Artificially Intelligent Hookerbots,” the sort of names that make the casual Wall Street Tier 1 investment bank think that we’re up-and-comers. Then we pour the money we made off their backs into running off a new set of race tires.

Sure, I could have used this kind of business acumen to do something other than lose money making tires for shit-box cars. How else was I going to be able to find 13-inch tires that are 10 inches wide?

[suzukiblu]

Look we all know the existence of certain risks of things like child stardom, mediocre adult supervision, and people who go for specific kinds of positions of authority being fucking bastards, SO: there is an unnecessarily involved omegaverse AU in my head where Rex Leech takes way, WAY worse advantage of a freshly-decanted omega!Superboy in order to pay off all of that money that he owes to assholes, and instead of JUST betting on metahuman fights and making shitty investments and selling Superboy's likeness to anyone who's buying and all that, he kinda just . . . gives Superboy some "tips" for how to win over or get favors from certain people in the entertainment industry and similar fields. Or just anyone Rex is trying to wring some cash out of, basically.

So Rex makes better money! Pays off a couple of debts! Is still irresponsible and shitty with it and making stupid decisions, but look, a couple extra bucks never hurt, and the Kid is fine with it! ‘Course he is!! 

And this read-more will DEFINITELY support that POS POV! Definitely!! For sure!!!!

And so not-even-technically-presented, definitely-not-legal Superboy is hanging out with and being encouraged to FLIRT with skeevy older people and general creeps who are taking full advantage of this naive teenager with Superman's face every chance they get. Superboy doesn't know better, and he trusts Rex; the guy can be a little sleazy sometimes but he's still watching out for him, so . . . this is normal, right? And Rex says they REALLY need this investment/this opportunity/this money, so . . . 

So like, Superboy gets abused and doesn't have the frame of reference to understand it. He really doesn't like that part of this gig, but Rex says it's important and, well, if it's just this once . . . if he already did it last time . . . if it'll only be a night or two, or maybe a long weekend . . .

It's not technically prostitution, but also Rex absolutely DOES just fucking sell the Kid a few times and repeatedly justifies it to himself with crap like "he's a teenager, he's a horndog and a flirt anyway, and obviously he likes the attention" and other fucking awful bullshit like that, because he is more concerned with the money than, idk, anyone’s mental health?? Though he doesn’t mention it to anybody who’s not a client, obviously, Roxy’d kick up a fuss and Moon might get territorial and talk the Kid out of it, and Dubbilex, hell, he doesn’t even understand how show business WORKS!! 

But of course word DOES get around about it, just a little, and then it starts happening more and more often, and Superboy likes it less and less and starts to halfway HATE it, honestly, but Rex keeps saying it's IMPORTANT and NEEDS done and just . . . 

He gets–used to it, kind of. Almost. 

It’s just how it is. 

And then like, hand-wavey convoluted I’m-still-undecided-what-exactly shit happens and Superboy somehow ends up in alpha!Lex's official custody, probably through Lex bribing a lot of people and committing some fraud and shameless lies, and Superboy assumes . . . alright, well, he guesses now he's like a fucking kept boy or something, huh. He doesn't like that idea at ALL, but at least Luthor's only one guy. And he seems like the jealous type, so he probably won't wanna share too much. Right? 

So that could be worse, Superboy guesses. 

Lex, an oblivious supervillain who is actually NOT aware of what kind of way worse advantage Rex was taking: this is great. I’m going to get a good grade in clonefather, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve, and then we’re going to conquer the world. >:3 

Superboy, simultaneously: . . . seriously, I’ve been here like a WEEK already, is he gonna fuck me or NOT?? 

And thus ensues a not-actually-funny comedy of errors where a traumatized kid keeps expecting to get abused and even Lex FUCKING Luthor is not that much of a prick and therefore totally misses literally every sign of the Kid trying to follow the appropriate “script” with him. Hm, Superboy wants attention for some reason, fine. MERCY, get the kid a black card to entertain himself with. 

. . . now the kid wants attention even MORE? 

baffling. 

Superboy, internally: if he keeps buying me all this stuff he must REALLY want something BAD, but where the fuck else would I go anyway, so . . . 

Lex: I’m putting on a movie and reviewing my files in your general area. Congratulations on receiving my attention, now don’t interrupt me. 

Superboy: . . . . . . what is even happening right now. 

And then a very peculiar experience of very slowly accidentally making a pack happens to both of them, wherein Superboy did not expect a dad out of this kept boy scenario and Lex did not expect an actual PUP out of this world domination plot and they’re both increasingly bewildered by everything the other does.

[victimsofyaoipoll]

Round 1

Propaganda Under Cut

Erina Pendleton

Erina is SO MUCH MORE than just a "Generic Love Interest" that was brought in the story to continue the bloodline after everything that happens (and it's made abundantly clear time and time and TIME AGAIN that she means everything to Jonathan, to a point that she was his exact reason to standing up against Dio for the first time) but without fail she's only ever allowed to be the supportive best friend. Or a wingman for Jonathan and whoever he's being shipped with. Or simply supposed to sit there and allow her husband to have a male lover (the amount of posts I've seen of ppl using the excuse that 'it was very common back in the Victorian Era for men to keep male lovers that their wives were aware of and quietly accepted so it isn't a stretch to say that Erina and Jonathan wouldn't be the same--especially given how progressive she's written". Or of course my favorite when they completely erase her from the narrative and pretends she doesn't exist Jonathan's got their son for some reason, but nope she ain't there! 

a lot of times ppl who ship her CANON HUSBAND jonathan joestar with speedwagon will put her on the back burner of HER OWN CANON RELATIONSHIP in favor of propping up jonawagon, to the point where 90% of the archive for jonawagon/jonawagon(eri) is either erina giving jonathan and speedwagon consent to be happy together while she acts like a #LoveIsLove wingman OR they'll have the audacity to write fics where erina comforts speedwagon at HER HUSBAND'S FUNERAL

Our hero’s hot wife who was the first (and arguably) only person to give him the emotional support he needed. She’s the only person who never expects him to fulfill some mythical role, she just loves him for who he is. She’s been his best friend and the love of his life since he was 12 years old. When it comes to hero/sidekick ship, she’s forced to be a wing woman for her own husband, either nobly letting him go or peacefully agreeing to an open relationship but only for him!!! She gets nothing out of it, she’s just a good Victorian wife who is “ahead of her time”. Usually, just so she can provide a womb so that the hero/sidekick can be dads and she can conveniently be offscreen. OR she’s written as a lesbian in order to completely and “justifiably” take her out of the equation but there’s a.) no other woman in her vicinity to even ship her with b.) there’s vaguely some faceless, nameless woman we’re meant to assume she’s pursuing, not even a real OC for her.

Suzi Q

This article is incomplete; you can help by expanding it

All she's literally ever done is have a few cute exchanges with Joseph and be a sweetheart in the short time we get to see her following her minor introduction, clearly cementing some sort of playful attraction between the two and without fail she's consistently bombarded with extreme mischaracterization to make her seem vapid and cruel (and occasionally homophobic but like in a Completely Oblivious Dumb Blonde way), that she's nothing more than a gold digger who wanted to marry rich, that Joseph only married her because "he lost his actual soulmate and had to settle for her", and that it was HER fault that Joseph cheated on her decades into their marriage. Frankly, everyone who makes jokes at Suzi Q's expense regarding the cheating scandal aren't as funny as they think they are!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Literally all she’s ever done is be adorable and marry the hero and people either dismiss her completely or demonize her. She’s often ignored or made to play wing woman for the hero/sidekick ship OR she’s a horrible gold digger who only wants the hero for his money and/or she was only ever just a consolation prize for him when he couldn’t be with his sidekick. She also gets blamed for her husband having an affair. People like to say that she wasn’t good enough for him and could never replace his sidekick and that clearly he never REALLY loved her and it’s her fault for never measuring up. Her husband’s infidelity aside, she stayed married to that man for at least 60 years and canonically says she always believes in him and trusts him to save the day and yet people wanna say she doesn’t care about him. Or call her stupid for never imagining that her husband would cheat on her. The victim blaming gets really gross.

[tradetobest]

bennguin fic rec list (pt 1?)

in honour of the steers and queers anniversary im making a bennguin fic rec list!! it has 14 fics cuz jamie number :))

i wrangled the fuck out of my bookmarks for this, so enjoy :))

Kelowna: Become Human by LadyJanelly

rating: T words: 8.9k summary: What better way is there for a professional hockey team to make sure their prospects can focus on getting NHL ready, than buying them their very own android?

if you know me, you know i am a GIANTTT fan of detroit become human, so this fic is a dream come true for me. it is literally great too like i love it. tyler prioritizing jamie's orders over his programming... oughh....

Custom, Discreet by inlovewithnight

rating: E words: 12k summary: Tyler accidentally discovers Jamie's kink. He is so very on-board.

LINGERIE FIC!! we love.... we love that its JAMIE in the lingerie.... oughhhh

Must Love Dogs by SpiritsFlame

rating: G words: 12k summary: It doesn't occur to Jamie until he's standing on Tyler's front porch at 3am, barefoot, that maybe he should have called first In which Jamie Benn steals a dog, gets his best friend back, and combats toxic masculinity. In more or less that order.

i love this fic so much. cute ass fucking dog. PHENOMENAL use of the premise.

Featuring Marshall by wutheringjane

rating: G words: 4.1k summary: Tyler's latest video was called "GUESS WHO'S GOING TO DALLAS"

YOUTUBER AUUUUUU!!!!!! oh my god i am OBSESSED w youtube aus. and this ones so fucking cute too. theyre fans of each other your honour

the old brag of my heart (I am, I am, I am) by Mayhem10

rating: G words: 9.9k summary: Sometimes people forget that Jamie Benn exists.

this is part of the condition of existence series, and it's the second one in the series, but the whole series is phenomenal. i replay tyler's discovery moment in my brain over and over (OH YEAH, READ THE FIRST ONE DIRECTLY FROM THIS LINK)

Pitches Love Velocity by bohnem990

rating: T words: 12k summary: There’s no use in talking about money to Tyler, Brownie knows. It’s the reason that Brownie was the one to major in business in college, while Tyler majored in drinking with a minor in marketing. “If you want to drop a grand on one night at a sports event can’t you at least spend it on a real sport?” Several people, Tyler included, gape at him. “Like hockey,” Brownie barrels on, “We could totally go to a hockey game. We’re Canadian, Segs! We’re supposed to eat, sleep, and breathe hockey!” -- Alternately : “Dude,” Brownie laughs, “I think Jamie Benn’s agent just asked you to fuck him.”

THIS FIC. tyler at the restaurant lives rent free. FRAT BOY ASS. i love them so much.

Something Wild by Linsky

pairing: tyler seguin/jamie benn

rating: E words: 3k summary: The girl on Tinder is typing again. why don’t you show me how good you are with a cock Tyler coughs and drops his phone. That’s—wow. He did not expect her to go there.

oh my god. oh my god. tyler is such a dumbass here and i love it. im OBSESSED. 10/10 misunderstanding fic.

something over nothing any day by clawsandsympathy

rating: G words: 1.5k summary: “About this time on Hawkeye in the Morning, we run a little segment called Second Date Update. When someone has a great first date but never make it to the second date, they call us and we try to help them out. Tyler, can you tell us how you met Jamie?”

i think this fic is adorable. the concept is so fuckin cute and i think its executed well w some tropes i really like :))

I Know a Little Chapel by Linsky

rating: M words: 4.5k summary: Tyler Seguin is a very good wedding planner. Which is why he’s not freaking out that Jamie Benn of the Dallas fucking Stars is sitting in his office.

wedding plannerrrrrr auuu!!!!!!!!! tyler planning jordies wedding isnt something i knew i needed but by god did i

sneeze by Anonymous

rating: T words: 5.3k summary: Tyler had never actually heard Jamie purr. It was the strangest goddamn thing.

THIS FIC IS ADORABLE i love the story around why jamie's purrs are Like That. and tyler misunderstanding. ough ITS PERF

let's give them something to talk about by Anonymous

rating: T words: 2.6k summary: ashlee @/messysegsy - Sep 15 why does it feel like everyone got #OneTImerTour tickets except for me??????? @/tylerseguin please explain (5 replies 3 retweets 20 likes)

first part of the rheotaxis series!! i am a big sucker for social media aus, and aus in general, and musician/hockey is a trope i LOVE (shout out to that mceichel fic) so this is the perfect fic for me. unironically perfect.

scar tissue by eternalvariegation

rating: T words: 12k summary: Jamie still remembers when they were practically living out of each other’s pockets, the memory twinging like a muscle he hasn’t used in a long time but that his body hasn’t forgotten. It was probably inevitable that they’d see less of each other once Jamie formally requested that they no longer go into the field together but it still hits him sometimes. The tangible feeling of loss despite it having been his own decision in the end. Tyler didn’t speak to him for a month after he found out. 

SPY AU oh my gosh. "partner doing what he thinks is best for other partner. it is not best" is such an insane trope and i love it so much in this fic. done incredibly well. please read this.

Arms of the Sea by LadyJanelly

rating: T words: 3.7k summary: Jamie gives her back to the sea when she dies, three years into their marriage, their baby still inside her. He sews her up in sailcloth with the porridge pot she brought from her mother’s house, a stone from their shared hearth, scaling knife, thimble and needle. He sails out to the deep water and lowers her into the water, weeps as she sinks into the ocean’s embrace. He sails back to land and gives his boat to his brother. He will not return to the ocean. It is a graveyard to him now. He finds a job in a logging camp, and for a year his feet are dry, his lips do not taste of salt.

incredibly emotional and beautiful fic. op wonders whether their execution of the concept is dull and pretentious in the opening notes and i think that is the worst part of this fic, only because it does such a disservice to it. RAHH i love it

wandering bee seeks the rose by clachnaben

rating: E words: 8.7k summary: Jamie Benn coaches a youth hockey team and Tyler is a determined Hockey Mom. Meet cutes and queer women and youth hockey

yk i had to shout out the lesbians to round it out. sexy hockey mom tyler lives in my head rent free and i dont even like women.

[mugram]

[opens door, Es enters]

Es: Good afternoon, prisoner–

: I even came later than I was needed to.

: Eh?

Masaru: [impatient tapping before he turns around] Finally, you’re here. Took you long enough.

: What kind of Warden doesn’t even come on time?!

Es: Hah–?

: Well, you think you’re the one with all the power here, do you?

: You’re just the prisoner. I���m the Warden.

Masaru: [scoffs] I never said that.

: You should’ve come on time.

: I would’ve left if you didn’t come in.

Masaru: [laughs] You think you I’d be bossed around by some, what, 17-year-old. Fuck off!

Es: !

: Prisoner number 2, take a seat or I’ll have to use force.

[running]

[pained scream as noises play]

Es: So, that’s what J…

Masaru: Damn it!! Why can’t I hit you– [slap]

: Gah– [stumble]

Es: Prisoner number 2, Masaru, I need you to sit down or I’ll have to make you endure more of that.

Masaru: …

: [chair creaks] Fine.

Es: Now then, let's begin. MUGRAM exists to reveal the sins of all the prisoners here. In order for me to decide, we need to talk.

Masaru: Just talk? I would’ve expected more from this place considering we’ve all been magically transported here and wearing whatever the fuck these uniforms are.

Es: You’ll understand more of the process later.

Masaru: Fine.

Masaru: Well, I would’ve thought a prison would let their prisoners talk to someone outside the prison.

: Do I even get to talk to anyone else?

Es: Why would you talk to anyone else?

: You’re all murderers.

: But, it seems like we aren’t given that ability here.

Es: …

: Why must I tell everyone this… 

: Now, I need to know something about you, Masaru.

: This prison is unlike any other.

: Certain things don’t apply to this place.

Masaru: Tch. Alright. My name is Iwai Masaru, 19. Turning 20 soon.

Es: …Am I allowed to know anything else about you? Like your occupation?

Masaru: Does it matter to you how I make money? Leave me the fuck alone, Warden.

: I want out. [stands up]

: I’m done with this stupid interrogation.

Es: We’re doing this interrogation whether you like it or not.

Es: [slams table] You aren’t done with anything, prisoner!

Masaru: !

: What?

Masaru: No, we aren’t– [restraints tighten, wheeze]

: Warden– 

: [Masaru falls to the floor]

Masaru: Warden– what is this?

Es: !

: Masaru–

: I can’t move–

Es: …

: I didn’t expect–

: J never said–

Masaru: Please– I’ll fucking listen– Just let me move–

Es: Ah– Okay.

[restraints loosen and Masaru scrambles over to the seat]

: How has your time in MUGRAM been like so far?

Masaru: …It’s fine. Everyone’s a bit annoying, I guess. There’s not much to do except walk around and talk. No one has interesting enough stories for me to listen to, so I’m bored.

Masaru: You can–

: Hey, could we get something to do?

Es: Yes, you can request it.

: …

: I don’t think anyone’s been telling me that. Thanks.

Es: ?

: No problem, I guess.

: Now, what did you do before–

Masaru: Can I make a bet with you, Warden?

Es: …A bet?

Masaru: I’m bored and no one else seems to want to take me up on my offer.

Es: You are in no condition to make–

Masaru: Shut. Up.

: I was thinking… If I told you what I did, I bet that you think I’m guilty or not forgiven or whatever bullshit terms you use.

: So, guess what? I’m gonna tell you a few things.

: And, you tell me, right now, what you think.

Es: I can’t tell you my decision before your extraction–

Masaru: Well, it’s the terms of the bet, so tell me.

: Are you going all in?

Es: [huffs] Damn you, Masaru.

: Fine, let’s play.

Masaru: Alright. It’s my turn, then isn’t it?

: Let’s see.

: I like doing this little thing to get money.

: It’s like a dare game that I play with friends.

: It was pretty fun, I gotta say. [laughs]

Es: So, what I’m hearing is…

: And, if we completed it, we’d win and get money if some people decided that we wouldn’t do it or complete it or whatever.

: Eh, it’s basically like a bet game, what am I saying?

: Your motive for murder was greed?

Masaru: What–? No, I wouldn’t do that–!

: You failed your bet and lost all your money.

: Out of a fit of rage, you killed them. You needed that money back and you’d do whatever it takes–

: I’m not that fuckin’ greedy.

: I’m telling you I did nothing wrong.

: I just played by the terms of the bet.

[mechanical noises]

Es: So, it’s time for your extraction.

: I’m simply doing my job.

Masaru: Eh? The thing about taking our deepest thoughts and putting on display?

: Isn’t that invasive or something?

Es: In MUGRAM, finding out the truth behind your murder through your private thoughts isn’t invasive.

: And, it’s my turn to prove your guilt, isn’t it? All in, as you say.

Masaru: Hah… That’s not even how you say it…

Es: Any last words before we continue into this?

Masaru: …

: I’m still willing to wager my innocence.

Es: Fine then.

: Prisoner Number 2, Masaru. Sing your sins!

MUSIC VIDEO - Ace of Spades

[td-tbbg-official]

Valentine’s Day - Short Story

“That will be $47.06. Will that be cash or card?”

“Oh my God, babe, like in your favorite video game! Isn’t that so cool?”

“You remembered?”

“Of course I did! How could I not?”

“Oh, I just… Thought that… Nevermind, I’m just kinda flattered.”

“And it’s a cute coincidence, isn’t it? You’re buying me gifts that round up to your favorite number—”

“Will that be cash or card?” Heather shouts, loud enough for the most annoying couple she’s seen today to snap out of making heart eyes at each other and look at her.

“Um, card,” the guy reluctantly says as he takes out his wallet.

“Fucking finally,” the cashier mumbles under her breath, thankfully quietly enough for the clients not to hear.

“I take it your day isn’t going well…” the girl chuckles.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Heather snarls.

Fuck this ‘customer service’ smiley face façade, she couldn’t care less. This is her fourth job this year anyways, and it’s only February. Maybe by Women’s Day, she’ll be at her eighth. That’d be a pathetic record, and she can’t believe she actually partly wants to reach it, just to feel something again.

“Oh, nothing, sorry,” the girl chuckles again. “Forget it. Have a lovely day! Happy Valentine’s!”

“Go die in a ditch,” Heather retorts, mostly to her computer, her tone hushed again in order to not get fired.

Stupid couples in this stupid store on this stupid holiday. It’s all a scam anyways. A holiday invented for the sole purpose of making single people feel lonely, aromantic people feel invalid, and benefiting off the money in those in relationships. Who the hell thought of this?

Her day could be much worse, she is well aware. She could be swarmed by TDI superfans looking to get her autograph. She could be swarmed by TDI superfans looking to cause her untimely demise. She doesn’t know which one is worse at this point. Lovey-dovey couples are the last of her worries, but she can’t help but roll her eyes at every single one.

Deep down, she knows why; but she refuses to admit it to herself. She tells herself she’s moved past him, that she’s grown as a person and, in turn, outgrown him.

But if she goes even deeper, she knows it’s not true. As mostly everything Heather Kasuga has told in her life, this, too, is a lie.

***

It’s when he drops his make-up brush for the umpteenth time that Alejandro breaks. Not into tears, no; he actually breaks his bathroom mirror. It’s only then that he bursts into tears, because he’s cut himself on the glass, and doesn’t have enough money to replace his mirror.

It’s not like it matters, anyways. He’s become hideous, and he knows this. He wonders why he even has this mirror in his apartment – it’s not like he still likes looking at himself, as he did many years ago… What has it been, a decade? And does it matter? Time stopped after Total Drama, and its importance faded away with it.

On this day, he tends to think back to that damned show, believe it or not. The bonds he’s made on it never leave his head, and one in particular stands out; it’s the one that haunts him most, the one that he wishes actually lasted.

Of course, it’s impossible. They’ve grown. She’s strong, and she’s surely gotten past him.

But he’s weak, and he hasn’t. And he knows this, but never will he admit it.

For Alejandro Burromuerto refuses to tell another lie. Whatever exists up there knows where that gets him.

***

END STORY

Ah, Valentine’s Day. The perfect day to show your partner just how much you love them by giving into the horrors of capitalism and buying them more chocolate than they could eat in a year! How wonderful.

I... seriously pity you if you were expecting something cutesy, haha! Oh my God, the look on your face must be priceless! Listen, when I said these two were going through it, I meant it!

Hey, if it’s any consolation, Chef and I are doing great. We’re watching the first few seasons back to back while laughing at every single painful moment, reminiscing of the screams we’ve heard while on set and ranking them. If that’s not true love, I don’t know what is...

coming soon to an AO3 near you.

questions, concerns, suggestions to be deposited in the ask box.

TD: TBBG is written by @canonically47. the blog is entirely run by the writer.

!!! reblogs > likes !!!

[astromechas]

Okay YES this is great, but as a stupid FeMC fan, I have some things to say:

*assuming the leaks and rumors are true, and based on how they got “ReLOAD” correct, let’s just roll with it.

This was Atlus’ opportunity to create a definitive version of Persona 3. Like THIS IS THE ONE TO PLAY, not FES, not P3P, THIS. Fresh with all the content, not a story beat missing, everything.

Visual upgrade? Of course. Everything looks stunning, on par with Persona 5, which was exactly what everyone was hoping for as far as the visual fidelity of the game goes.

So why, Atlus? Why would you choose not to include FeMC? (or are they?) ( potentially delusional rant incoming but tldr; it would be stupid of them to cut her )

Atlus admitted years ago during the pre-release period of Q2 that the inclusion of FeMC provided their biggest boom for pre-orders in that game. The devs openly stated in an interview that they did not expect her trailer to create so much hype around the game, which ultimately resulted in their sales marking at a higher number than anticipated.

Then there was Atlus’ decision to port P3P over FES to the next console generation. Some people speculated that such a decision was indicative of Atlus’ intentions not to include her in the remake, thus P3P being players’ only chance to play as her. Which I call BS. Why would Atlus make the dumb ass decision to tell on themselves and say "Hey, see this content here? Yeah fuck you, we’re cutting it from the remake!”

It’s especially suspect considering for some people, that port of P3P might’ve been their first EVER experience with P3. I know a lot of us have been fans for a long time, but for some people, that slew of ports was their first opportunity to dip their toes into the franchise. Imagine how shocked those people will be with they play the remake only to find a whole route of content cut.

And lastly, Atlus’ constant promotion of FeMC during the 25th anniversary, following their decision to wholly cut her from the 20th anniversary five years prior.

All of this feels like Atlus’ desperate attempt to remind people that FeMC exists (not that we needed their help) when they could’ve just as easily ported FES to next gen consoles, excluded her from the 25th anniversary, and focused fully on making sure the usual MC remained at the forefront of people’s minds.

Finally, I think its important to remember two points: Atlus hasn’t officially announced this game, and it’s slated release period is Q1 2024, leaving plenty of marketing time before the game comes out.

I think it’s perfectly reasonable for Atlus to throw all of their marketing into the original MC, showing him off, giving him all the bells and whistles to kick start the hype, and then reveal FeMC at a later date. Other ‘anime-esque’ game devs do exactly the same: Caligula, Honkai: Star Rail, etc.

Just because this initial trailer doesn’t include her doesn’t mean she’s been cut entirely. I truly think Atlus knows all too well how much she means to some fans (and how much money they could potentially lose by not including her) for them to completely exclude her from the remake.

With that being said, if all’s said and done and she still isn’t there, believe me, I won’t be playing ReLOAD on day one. Partially because I’m bitter, but also because I don’t have $60-70 USD to be spending on a game that excludes one of my most precious video game characters.

[sundayswiththeilluminati]

It’s Week 3 and I promised I’d commit to my theory for Season of the Seraph’s story arc if hubris didn’t come knocking for me before then, so time to put my money where my digital mouth is. I’ve seen folks talking about the first part of this theory, but not the second, so here goes: 1) Clovis will try to make himself the new Warmind and 2) in the process breach the Ascendant Realm and open the way for Xivu Arath.

Clovis, by the way, gave away the game like two minutes in because he can’t keep his dang mouth shut. Clovis couldn’t resist a good smug gloat. He gave it all away when Ana said god, fine, hop on this disk and we’ll go. He said, “Once I am in control, all will be as it should be. The Warmind will rise again.” 

As it should be? That line stopped me cold. Clovis hated that Rasputin was in charge. He couldn’t believe he, the genius Clovis Bray the first, was expected to take orders from a jumped-up calculator he used to own. A restored Rasputin is not “as it should be” in Clovis-land. What is “as it should be?” It’s Clovis, so that’s easy: the way things should be is with him in charge. He doesn’t say, “Rasputin will rise again.” He says, “The Warmind will rise again.” Clovis is going to get all the subminds together except put himself at the center instead of the Rasputin core Ana has, and try to make himself the new Warmind. All of which would just be fun to watch as we wait for Red to break him, but: there’s Xivu Arath to deal with. 

We’re all worried about Xivu getting into the warsats. I don’t think she wants them at all. In the Judgement of Kelgorath lore she doesn’t order Kelgorath to go get her some warsats. She says: possess the Warmind. Xivu Arath has plenty of weapons already. What she needs, as Mara points out, is a way in. Mara comments in the encounter dialogue that moving an army through the ascendant realm is very hard. But Xivu did it over Torobatl. How? Sav showed her the way: she did it by getting someone on the other side to build her a gate.

I was surprised in Season of the Hunt by the extent of control Xivu displayed. I thought her unlikely to go for subversive powers like Oryx’s Taking or Sav’s manipulation. But she’s a lot smarter than I gave her credit for. Her Wrathborn contagion is effective, coercive, and quick-spreading. It makes sense metaphorically: violence is a kind of disease, an insidious way of thinking that spreads and snares people till they see everything as a conflict to be settled by force. Xivu invaded the Cabal by infecting Caiatl’s co-ruler Umun’arath, general of the Cabal legions. Driven further and further into obsession with the conflict Xivu Arath makes herself synonymous with, Umun’arath invoked her in the rituals of warfare - the same ones Eris and Eido were discussing - opening the way for Xivu’s armies to pour into the skies over Torobatl. 

For Xivu to repeat that trick in our solar system, she needs another Umun’arath. But Umun’arath was a singularly convenient target: the military chief of the war machine of a huge conquering interstellar empire, or in other words, someone you might call...war-minded. When scouting our solar system Xivu probably heard the name “Warmind” and thought hell yeah, that’s my ticket in. Except it’s not, because Rasputin’s a) not coherent right now and b) not fundamentally the personality she needs. That’s what we’re already exploring this season: at his core Rasputin was never a martial system. He was a pretentious art nerd who got drafted. They made him a Warmind. Xivu Arath needs someone coterminous with war for its own sake, with conflict as the apex of existence, with the supreme violence she represents. And ironically it turns out the Warmind Rasputin is not sufficiently war-minded. 

But Clovis is.

Clovis Bray already sees life as endless contest and conflict via his pseudo-evolutionary legacy bullshit. He’s Xivu’s dream target. When you first see her forces attacking him Clovis is like “they want my precious braaaaaain!” and Osiris goes, “no, they want him. Brought to submit.” That’s exactly what Clovis wants of Rasputin (and to a lesser extent Ana and Elsie): brought to submit. He’s neck deep in Darkness on his own, no convincing needed. And he’s a coward. If Clovis hasn’t cut a deal yet with either Xivu or the Witness to ensure “humanity’s” (his) survival in exchange for his allegiance, he will as soon as he has the reins. After all, let it not be said that he left humanity to fend for itself, right?

So that’s her plan: Xivu Arath attacks the warsat infrastructure to force us to go to Clovis and give him access to Red’s enclave. She waits while we do all the hard work of laying out the subminds to conjure back Rasputin. Clovis inevitably betrays us to slot himself in instead and take control, rousing Rasputin’s entire apparatus of violence to impose his own command on the solar system, helped along by the Wrathborn contagion already brewing in his subconscious. In doing so he invokes such immense rites of war that he opens the way for Xivu to step through. It’s Torobatl all over again...except I don’t think trying to “become the Warmind” is going to work out the way Clovis thinks. 

Clovis still doesn’t understand what Rasputin is, and he still doesn’t understand - as he doesn’t understand with any of his kids - that Rasputin is no longer as Clovis designed him to be. Even Ana hasn’t fully gotten there yet. Both Brays are still thinking of Red as a sort of jigsaw puzzle to be pieced back together. But assembling himself was the first thing Rasputin ever did. Ana still hasn’t cracked the real reason “plug engram into Exo, receive Warmind” isn’t working: because Rasputin is a distributed intelligence. He lives in connections, literally and metaphorically - between warsats, between worlds, with Ana, with humanity. He’s a creature fundamentally built on network and communication. Rasputin is already still out there. He’s in that engram, but he’s everywhere else, too. He’s still in the warsats. He’s talking to us through the Sleeper nodes. He’s going to fight Clovis for control of that Exo Frame; that’s why the frame has red eye-lights in all the season art even though Clovis uses blue ones. 

And in the larger paracausal sense our entire solar system still bears the marks of the Warmind’s influence. He’s synonymous with the Golden Age. The same way Oryx conjured back Savathun and Xivu Arath by recreating the shapes they made, Rasputin will be conjured back by the shape he traced out in a huge web of connections and actions and effects on others that Clovis, an isolated point, fundamentally doesn’t understand. So Clovis is going to pull his little coup, possibly smashing that engram along the way, and he’s going to think it’s working, too - right before Rasputin cracks him open like an egg, because the Warmind never left. I think this season ends with us fighting Clovis in full Wrathborn mode while Xivu Arath’s armies stand ready just on the other side in the Ascendant Realm, hammering to get in, and Rasputin will deliver the final blow from inside - or maybe not, since killing Umun’arath completed the ritual last time, maybe we just wedge Clovis into his own Pillory engram - stopping Xivu from getting her beachhead and leaving her angry but stranded in the Ascendant Realm. 

Hopefully. Either way I can’t wait to see what happens.

[archiveikemen]

"Black Wedding" Story Event: Chapter 2

Liam's Route

I do not own any of the Ikemen Series content being uploaded on this blog, everything belongs to CYBIRD. Please support them by playing their games and buying stories. Not 100% accurate, expect mistakes.

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I became cautious about what we would be asked to do in order to prove our love.

(... I can’t believe we’re doing something so ordinary.)

We were given mundane tasks such as cleaning the church grounds and helping to make candy to be sold at a bazaar.

Liam and I were alone in the garden, pruning the roses. However—.

(I feel like we’re being watched.)

When I glanced at Liam, he nodded as if to tell me that he knew what I was thinking.

(We should stay here and pass time doing usual things while acting like lovers.)

Liam: Hm— let’s take a quick break. Kate, let me squish you.

Kate: Wah…!

Liam: You’re so warm, Kate. You smell nice too… haah, this is so comforting.

Kate: Fufu, it tickles.

Liam embraced me from behind and rested his head on my shoulder.

We were on a mission and shouldn't let our guards down, but I couldn't help but feel relaxed in his arms.

(And besides, we can hold a wedding ceremony here if we get approval, right?)

Even though it was for a mission, honestly… it made me happy to be able to hold a wedding ceremony with the man I adored.

Liam: Kate, do you think there's really such a thing as eternal love?

Kate: Eternal love…

I heard the term “eternal love” a lot, but I found it difficult to imagine myself having that.

(“Eternal” means that it will never end. How I wish that kind of love existed.)

(A person’s feelings can grow distant, and a couple can split up for any reason at all.)

Being in love is difficult because it can’t be done alone.

Kate: I think that would be nice, but I can’t give you a clear answer.

Kate: What do you think, Liam?

Liam: I…

Liam: …

Liam: I don’t believe in eternal love.

(Huh…?)

Liam: That’s why, we have to join this organisation to make our love eternal.

Kate: Y-Yeah…

Liam held me tighter and whispered into my ear.

Liam: … Kate, I’m going to go invisible and have a look inside.

Liam: … I’ll come back for you, so wait here for me.

Liam let go of me and kissed me on the forehead.

Liam: “I’m going to take out the trash”. Wait here for me, alright? I’ll be right back.

Kate: Mm, alright. Be careful, Liam.

Liam lied loud enough for everyone to hear. While I watched him walk away, I pondered about what he said earlier.

(I didn't expect Liam to say that he doesn’t believe in the existence of eternal love.)

(He only said that to deceive any cultists that could be eavesdropping nearby, right?)

(But if he meant those words—.)

Founder: It seems that the two of you really care deeply about each other.

Kate: …

The Founder appeared out of thin air and squinted his eyes like he was looking at something very bright.

Founder: To me, the way the two of you love each other is very beautiful. — However, it’s also very fragile.

Kate: … Fragile?

Founder: Yes, and therefore I will make your love last for an eternity with my hands.

Founder: — May your love never be broken.

Kate: …

…

After we were acknowledged as real lovers through doing volunteer work together, we were allowed to have a wedding ceremony in a few days.

We also found out one thing through our investigation.

And that was—.

Liam: There was a trapdoor hidden under the altar, leading to an underground chamber where several corpses were stored.

Victor: Those corpses must belong to those couples who disappeared.

Victor: While you were investigating, I did my research about that cult.

Victor: At first, I thought that their purpose was to rob the couples of their money and assets after killing them.

Victor: … However, that cult didn't lay their hands on any money. — Therefore, what could be their purpose?

– Flashback Start –

Founder: — May your love never be broken.

– Flashback End –

(... I can't forget the horrifyingly dangerous look in those eyes.)

Kate: … I don’t know their purpose.

Kate: But it could be that they just want to make love last forever.

Liam • Victor: …

Liam: Regardless of the reason, it's a fact that those couples who were killed didn’t want to die.

Liam: What’s left for us to do right now is to find out exactly who is the culprit.

Kate: … That will be revealed at our wedding ceremony tomorrow, right?

Liam: Yeah. I think he’ll make his move during the ceremony, but—.

Liam: Let’s still have a fun time, Kate.

Kate: Fun…?

Liam: Because it’s our first wedding, albeit a pretend one.

Liam: I have a present for you. Give me a moment.

After a while, Liam returned carrying a large box.

Liam: Here, a present for you. Will you open it for me?

I opened the box to find a jet black wedding dress inside.

With its beautiful embroidery, anyone could tell at a glance that it was very expensive.

Kate: … It’s beautiful.

Liam: Really? I’m glad you like it…

Kate: Did you pick this dress out yourself, Liam?

Liam: Yup. … And maybe I just really want to see you in this dress.

His bashful smile made my chest tighten.

Kate: Thank you, Liam. … Let’s give it our best tomorrow.

Liam: Of course. I’ll be by your side protecting you tomorrow, Kate.

Victor: — Let your wickedness lead.

…

The next day, I stood before the church door in that black dress.

Liam was waiting for me behind that door.

(I’m still curious about what Liam said about him not believing in the existence of eternal love.)

(But one thing’s for sure. Liam cherishes me…

(And I, too, cherish Liam from the bottom of my heart.)

Kate: … Let’s do this. Liam is waiting for me.

I started walking towards the love of my life, my dress swaying with every step.

Even if the wedding aisle was to be stained with deep crimson blood.

[rowanul-tyr]

So. Dawntrail.

I finished the 7.0 MSQ roughly a week ago, during the early access period, and overall I had a great time with it! My thoughts on the expansion as a whole have been marinating in the brain pot since then, and I wanted to touch on some of those thoughts and why I think this has been such a great expansion so far, at least story-wise. All under a cut for spoilers, and I’ll honestly be talking mostly vaguely about plot stuff anyway. And I’ll mark anything specific that is spoilers, and dividing things zone by zone.

Anyway.

First and foremost, since I feel like this will help put my overall opinion into perspective, is my ranking of expansions so far.

1: SHB will forever be king to me in a ton of ways; part of it is this was the expansion I started with, but I also just love the story it tells so much and even if I have little gripes, they’re all so minor that it doesn’t really matter

2: a tie between HW and EW, actually--both are excellent, and while I have some issues with parts of them, the positives for the most part outweigh my issues

3: another tie between STB and ARR--I think both of these are good, but have some issues that really can’t be ignored. And they’re only at the bottom because that’s how lists work.

DT is not perfect in my eyes (not by a long shot), but it is giving SHB a true run for its money in terms of how much I liked it. Like I said initially, I don’t think it’s without its problems (no expansion is, even SHB no matter how much I love it), but overall there is just SO much good stuff here that I am 100% willing to forgive it.

Before I get into the details, I want to say: making it clear from the pre-order stuff and Viper and all that this is the FF9 expansion really is important. FF9 begins fairly bright and cheery and its aesthetic lends itself well to hiding what subject matter it tackles, but then it eventually starts dealing with a LOT of heavy topics--and Dawntrail is very much living up to that in my book.

Expansion Start

Going into this expansion I really had no idea what to expect. I admit that the 6.X patch cycle really threw me for a loop once DT was announced, and it felt kind of pointless to be doing so much with the void? I was like, “Why are we spending so much time on this, when we should be looking at things that are relevant to Dawntrail??” because none of it made sense to me.

One of the issues I had with STB for a long time was Lyse. Don’t worry, I’ve come around on her, but it took a while. The biggest issue I had was that the devs tried to take an existing character and turn her into something other than what we knew, and it threw me entirely. I think they learned the lesson from that, which is why the focus is on Wuk Lamat, a new character, and on Krile, an older character we know so that we feel more invested in what is to come.

Another aspect of STB that kind of threw me off was…how little focus it got after the HW story ended? Like we get two patches worth fo story to lead into it, and I 100% think the Ga Bu stuff is important, and obviously the Warriors of Darkness story is important to set up part of SHB, but…everything to set up STB felt…not there? And we meet Lyse properly during 3.55/3.56, just like Wuk Lamat. We don’t have time to get to know her as this new person before we’re dropped into STB proper. And that didn’t help me when it came to bonding with Lyse--it took until the Lakshmi trial before I realized how I was supposed to feel about her my second time playing through Stormblood.

Wuk Lamat won me over really fast, thankfully--she has a certain kind of charm to her that endeared me to her pretty quickly (she’s very Sora from Kingdom Hearts coded in my eyes), and I was quietly interested to see what would happen with her character arc going forward. To be frank, I was more excited about how much better my character looked in game than in the updated benchmark than what little of the story we knew! I also was more invested in Krile than anything else story-wise; she’s always been a low key fave of the Scions for me so it’s nice to see her be much more involved in MSQ this time around.

But then we hit the first city and actually got into the story. Tulliyollal is such a lovely city, and its inn room was the first to make me go “wow” since the Pendants (since the Baldesion Annex was fun but still feels way too cluttered for me). I loved meeting Gulool Ja Ja, and his vibe as a character was excellent. I was surprised by what the rite of succession was shaping up to be, but once you see the Saga monuments and hear the story behind them it pretty quickly clicks as to what the Dawnservant wants the claimants to the throne to learn about during the rite. That was when I rsaw the mentor-type role my character would play, and once I knew what role the WOL plays for Wuk Lamat and in at least the start of Dawntrail’s story, I was in. I was determined to embrace that role in a way I had issues doing when I played through STB initially for Lyse.

One other thing: I was super surprised by Zoraal Ja being the one Wuk Lamat was prioritizing as a threat, and that he was the one who couldn’t be allowed to be Dawnservant. I guess I’d been anticipating the aloof/stern but decent older brother from him based on what I assumed was one of his lines in the launch trailer, so that was a fun surprise.

Zones 1 and 2, first visit

Urqopacha absolutely blows Kozama’uka out of the water for me, but I think both zones do a pretty good job with their first of two feats.

I started with Kozama’uka. The HanuHanu felt straightforward enough, and their feat set Koana up really nicely for what exactly his views are. I was glad to hear that he and Wuk Lamat were on friendly terms right before we left Tulliyollal to start the rite. One of my first thoughts when seeing how he and Wuk Lamat both handled the feat was, “He’s not going to win the rite, but I want him to either be advisor to his sister or for her to invite him to rule together.”

Bakool Ja Ja was fine as the zone’s antagonist, the writers did a good job of setting up his rivalry with Wuk Lamat in the intro so I wasn’t surprised by him trying to cheat his way through things. Wuk Evu was also…um. Not my favorite. I wasn’t super into the “behead me for being rude to the Third Promise” joke being reused over and over and over again…but maybe that’s just me.

As I said, Urqopacha was by far my favorite intro zone for the views, the music, and the overall aetshetic. I really love FF10, so getting to spend so much time with the Pelupelu was excellent. I also loved the zone music and this part really was what got me hooked on this expansion. Working with Mablu to make trades for the saddle was such a great showcase of what exactly the player character is to Wuk Lamat, and really solidified how much I enjoyed her. She is SUCH an orange cat (meaning she is “no thoughts, head empty” in a lot of ways but also just impulsive and can be unpredictable) and I mean that in a very kind way.

This was also where we got to see so much more of what Zoraal Ja’s whole deal was, and once I spent more time hearing him speak I totally understood why Wuk Lamat didn’t want him to be Dawnservant. Also, Mablu is the best and my roommate/best friend who is the biggest FF10/FF10-2 fan I know cried when she saw Tobli (since he’s from 10-2 himself) and the music is so good. So yeah, 10/10 zone.

Zones 1 and 2, second visit, and First Trial

Jumping ahead a teeny bit (since you go back to the capital between these visits). I liked this second set of feats overall! It felt like we were finally making some good progress with Krile’s goals to find out more about the city of gold in addition to moving forward with the rite. I also liked jumping right back into zones we’d already seen instead of waiting for 5+ levels to go back.

I liked how the Moblin feat incorporated the Elezen goldsmith from the boat, and seeing once again just how charismatic and magnetic a personality Wuk Lamat is. Her ability to show so much empathy for people is absolutely her biggest strength, and her desire to understand things--something those helping her with the rite have helped her discover--really start to shine, at least for me. That’s what makes her such a great fit for Dawnservant.

Koana also really was a star in this zone, and I really adore his character archetype and the love he so clearly has for his sister. Working together to rescue Wuk Lamat after Bakool Ja Ja snatches her was a nice change of pace from what we’d had so far from the rite, and that was when my initial impression of what would happen with Koana gained a bit more strength behind it. I was about 90% certain at this point that he wouldn’t win, but would stay at Wuk Lamat’s side to help guide her when she needed it.

I LOVED seeing the Yok Huy and honestly just getting to go back to Urqopacha was a delight. It felt like SO much progress was being made for both the rite and Krile’s goals, and the dungeon was excellent. No notes.

As a quick aside, though, I loved that we got to hear the Yok Huy’s take on death--that those who have died will always live in our memory, and so long as that memory remains, they are not truly gone. I loved this because it fits so well with the lore I have for Rowan regarding the way the Echo manifests for him, and how he cherishes the memories of people he’s lost but has come to move on with his own life. It just…is a very good thing to nail home some of FF14’s broader conversations about remembering and honoring the past, but still turning your focus to the future.

I have gripes with the Valigarmanda trial (I wiped twice on Duty Support :( ) but I appreciated that Wuk Lamat, Koana, and Zoraal Ja ALL came together for the good of their nation. I also liked that Zoraal Ja was cooperating because people dying because Valigarmanda would be bad for his own goals in the end if he won the rite, and also it’s good to see more of him before Things Happen (™).

Zone 3

Basically from here on out I loved every zone.

As a person who loves food and specifically enjoys making food for others, the feat in Iq Braax was a delight. Given that we find out the clan’s leader is Wuk Lamat’s father, it is VERY fitting that the people of the village are much more on the nose about not directly helping the team-up between Wuk Lamat and Koana. In addition, the cooperation between the Second and Third Promises was very clearly there to show 1. how well they work together and 2. what it is that Koana still has to learn, which he very much does by the end of the zone.

I’ve seen in the Disc Horse (™) around DT that Bakool Ja Ja turn in the second half of the zone was weird, but I don’t think it was, not really. By the end of the instanced duty after the X’braal feat, he’s a humiliated mess. Seeing the added context for why the Mamool Ja are the way that they are in the second half of the zone and learning the true cost of the blessed siblings among them, you actually have a reason to offer empathy to a person whose whole life has probably not been great. Wuk Lamat putting aside her anger with Bakool Ja Ja to truly help his people is yet more proof of the things that truly make her a good leader and why she really is the best choice to be Gulool Ja Ja’s heir.

The end of Koana’s arc here is excellent. Wuk Lamat reaching out to him when she needs help finding a way for the Mamool Ja to find ways to thrive outside of the blessed siblings--knowing that he can succeed in an area that is not her forte--is yet MORE proof of her ability to see the best in others and understand their worth. And Koana is genuinely a great brother and partner to work with for her, as his generally calm demeanor evens out her boisterousness very well. The instanced fight against the shade of their father where both groups come together was EXCELLENT.

The end of the Skydeep Cenote and actually finding the city of gold is such a good way to close out the first half of the expansion. We’re left on more intrigue for what is to come in the second half of the expansion, and this was when I got the deep sense of “Okay. But when is the other shoe gonna drop”.

Midpoint, and thoughts on the first half of the expansion

I was so happy with Wuk Lamat’s coronation, and how she outright asked Koana to join her on the throne. Finding a way to truly be their father’s successors by embodying both reason and resolve works out so well in Tural’s favor in the end.

I think the only somewhat negative thing I can say here is that…I was totally thrown by the song that played when the stone monument was revealed, haha. The song is fine on its own, but it was SO weird for me to hear that it did actually kinda take me out of it. But otherwise this turning point for the latter half of the expansion was good. I wasn’t sure how to feel about MSQ going forward, though, because I was like “Wait, where’s the rest of it?”

In terms of my overall thoughts on the first half of this expansion… It’s very good as a way to decompress following the end of the Hydaelyn and Zodiark saga that ended in 6.0, and even a good way to relax after everything that happens with Zero and the void.

I know there’s a ton of Disc Horse (™) around this expansion, particularly about Wuk Lamat and the rite and how “slow” the first part is. I have two things that come to mind about it all: this isn’t the Shadowbringers or Endwalker of this next story arc. This is the Realm Reborn to the next arc. Things are definitely going to be a bit slow.

In addition…the WOL may not be the protagonist of this particular part of the story, but that doesn’t mean the first half and dealing with the rite is worthless? The WOL knows by now that they were Azem, the Traveler. Remember, the Traveler part of that convocation title? My BFF/roommate Sarria put it best:

“DT really feels like it's back to our "roots" and I mean like AZEM roots. Being The Traveler, visiting new places and meeting new people and learning about places outside of our known bubble. Listening to people's stories and desires and then being asked to help specifically *because* we listened to and learned from the locals. And I for one really really am loving it. The story doesn't have to be about us - just being there means we have a role. (Also the first half of DT isn't supposed to be about us anyway.)”

I find it so funny that people have such a problem with it--and I won’t lie, I do agree that some of it had slow pacing. But like…I don’t know, this really feels in line for what Azem would do. We are Azem now, we have the crystal and everything. We’re not known in this continent because it’s only been 70 years since the world we know made contact with it--to the point of the guy credited with discovering this “New World” IS STILL ALIVE. There is ample reason why your character is not the focus of the first half of the expansion, and it’s so disheartening to see people just…not get that?

It could be that my overall excitement to explore the new zones laid out before us led me to be much more forgiving of this section, but getting to know the people of Yok Tural was such a treat. I can’t wait for NG+ to come around for 7.0 so I get to explore all of this again.

Okay, back to going zone by zone.

Zone 4, part 1

So as someone who knows the Southwest US fairly well this zone was excellent, I loved the vibes. The overworld music is great.

I will say outright here that I’ve kind of been an Erenville disliker since his introduction in EW. He’s been overhyped for a character who up to DT basically had no personality in my eyes, so I was apprehensive about how this zone would go with him as our only companion. But, credit where it’s due, the writers actually got me to come around on him a little with the background we finally get for him. Not entirely, I still have issues with him, but he’s now more well-rounded.

Seeing the railyard workers actually made me cry, specifically seeing Not!Magnus’ wife. I’m so glad that 1: they were included and 2: explicitly shown to be the exact same as the people we know from the first. My roommate Sarria and I joked several times that this was SHB/Trolleys 2 and it was such a delight getting to laugh about it.

The end point for this visit to the zone was excellent. The dread had been building for me the whole time, knowing that something was around the corner, but no idea what. So the dome appearing and then the aftermath in Tulliyollal was anticipated, but about as brutal as I was expecting.

Tulliyollal revisit and Zone 4, part 2

The destruction of Tulliyollal and trying to aid those we could was done well, to me anyway. The devs handled that sort of thing pretty well in EW, so was glad to see it done again just as well.

Then comes the “cat”valry as I’d like to call it. Honestly, the moment I heard G’raha’s voice and heard Eternal Wind, it was like I could finally breathe. I think that’s the point of him and Y’shtola showing up to give you help for the rest of the expansion--they give a sense of release to all the tension and anxiety players might feel after the attack on Tulliyollal. A mini version of what the low-stakes rite of succession is to the story overall. You have to have a release for tension before building it up again, because building tension with no release just doesn’t work.

The truth of what the golden door is threw me for a loop, because I was NOT expecting it. I imagine it’s what people felt when the SHB launch trailer dropped and the truth about Hydaelyn and Zodiark was given--you’re so shocked that it’s a bit much to process. But I liked the revelations about the golden city and Krile and everything.

The revisit to Shaaloani was a delight, and deciding to blow up the train was exactly the kind of crazy I’d expect from the Source version of the trolley guys from Twine. The song that played during the coronation came back and it felt just as cheesy as before, but I think I’d accepted it by this point? I just let it happen even though it doesn’t really work for me.

And the Vanguard dungeon is SO good. I loved the music--honestly Soken popped off this expansion for the most part.

Zone 5/Second Trial

So I love the aesthetic of this zone in general--thank you for giving us FF10’s Thunder Plains properly this time!!!--but there was a zone where I ever felt like the story was loosing me, it was this one. I wasn’t sure what to make of the time bubble nor the regulators, so it took some time for Heritage Found to find its footing for me.

Sphene also was slightly unsettling, in a way? It was hard to put my finger on whether she was sympathetic or playing you, which I guess is the point.

Solution Nine kind of just…added to my sense of confusion. I was a bit lost on it all, and trying to wrap my head around it. It is also way to big and spread out for my tastes…but oh well.

With all the talk of souls, though, I finally understood why all the Void stuff with Zero in the 6.X patches was actually good to spend so much time with, since it was basically a primer for ALL of this stuff in the latter half of DT. So once NG+ is here for Dawntrail, I may actually start with 6.1 and see how it all flows together.

What finally got me back on loving the plot again was seeing baby Gulool Ja and Otis in the other half of the map, where the ruins of Alexandria are. I haven’t even played FF9 myself, only watched a very abridged playthrough, but the way I instantly knew who Otis was a stand in for made me feel so warm and comforted. Steiner is just so goofy and endearing, and Otis is exactly like him.

Was not surprised by Zoraal Ja making his move, but the cutscene for the defense of Tulliyollal was very good. I was surprised by Sphene both in and out of Solution Nine for that instanced duty, and I think here is where I really started to see the parallels between what I know of FF9 and DT. Sphene is Wuk Lamat’s mirror, at least in a way--loving and compassionate and charismatic (because I’d come to like her quite a bit by the point she outright says she was playing you). She exemplifies the extreme end of Wuk Lamat’s desire for peace, and the need to protect and preserve her people.

The fight against Zoraal Ja is a satisfying one. I am not the person to ask to talk about fight design or anything so will leave that to others. But I thought it was good.

Also liked the revelations after the trial, where Sphene turns on you for real. It did feel like downing Vauthry just to have Emet steal the Exarch again, though maybe not in the same way. Similar dramatic stakes, I guess I’m trying to say.

Zone 6, and the Finale

This zone will always have an interesting flavor to it for me, since I use the Living Memory title for personal WOL lore reasons. But the zone is, I think, such an excellent one for what the expansion as a whole is trying to say.

As I mentioned at the beginning, despite its cheerful colors and friendly looking character design, FF9 is a darker story. It deals with death and the existential. The perfect word to sum up FF9, from what I know, is bittersweet. And I think this zone--and in a way both zones and the city that comprise Alexandria--PERFECTLY handles that bittersweet feeling.

The weather is Reminiscence, bathing everything in this beautiful golden color. It’s full of areas referencing FF9--I recognized Alexandria and the Iifa Tree, but each zone is a call back to 9. The music is this soft, comforting piece that just triggered my nostalgia for a game I haven’t even played. Seeing Otis in his prime again, the tour of the Gardens with Cachuia, letting Krile meet her parents and learn her real name--it’s all so bittersweet.

Every time you turn off a terminal, you get that message of how nothing will go back to what it was. And the part of Living Memory that you shut down is then forever less colorful and lively, and there’s no music (at least when you’re there during this part of MSQ). You’re left with silence. We can always remember it like it was before (or use NG+ to bring it back if you were a dummy like me and didn't gpose there before it went away), but it won't ever be the same now.

I took my time in Living Memory before moving from area to area, and did all aether currents and quests as I could/they became available which only happened AFTER the zone was gone for the quests. So I was doing all this in silence. Left alone with my thoughts on it all and trying to understand what the point was.

Sphene is clinging so much to that nostalgia for a time gone by because of her programming, and it’s sad to have to end it. But to me, she is eerily similar to Emet-Selch: she was clinging to the memory of the dead, desperate to bring them back and keep them alive. But in the end, it was only an imitation that would lead to untold amounts of suffering to others.

All of Living Memory reminded me so much of Amaurot. Sphene letting the Endless explore as they pleased was I think a much kinder version of Emet's magic working on Amaurot, but I couldn't help but see the similarity there.

I did cry in this zone, during G’raha’s talk with the player in the gondola and all the interactions Krile had with her parents. And it’s just…sad. You might feel awful about destroying the Endless once you understand them and their ways, but in the end…they’re only memories of people who died long ago. Their lives continuing are coming at the cost of the future for everyone on the Source and the reflections. It just can’t be sustained as Sphene’s realm continues to grow and more and more is needed to keep things running.

Sphene wanted the best for her people, going as far as she did for them. And I like that she is clearly kind but does a lot of bad things out of love for her people, and the desire to preserve them. But in the end, she had to accept why death is an important part of life.

I loved the Alexandria dungeon, and the trial was excellent. I will say that the intermission was maybe a bit long, but I still liked it tremendously. I’m excited to see what the relic has in store for us, and where the new arc of the story will take us.

Overall thoughts

DT has two very distinct sections, and there are parts I think could be refined to maybe make things go smoother overall, but honestly? I am totally willing to overlook those things because I enjoyed myself as much as I did.

DT, to me, managed to deliver on the summer vacation aspect that was so heavily advertised while also keeping with FF14’s larger ideas about hope persisting in even the hardest of times, and why the connections between people are so important. It also continues to show why it is not just important but also good to remember the past fondly, but it is just as important to keep moving forward in the best interests of all people.

I said it in the part about Living Memory and the finale for DT, but Sphene is very similar to Emet-Selch, and while some of the Heritage Found stuff lost me for a bit, the story did hit its mark where it needed to. The ending zone was not what the Tempest or Ultima Thule were, and I’m glad that it’s not. I’m sad that I’ll have to replay on an alt or when we get DT NG+ to take the pictures I wanted there, but that’s the point. You’re supposed to feel a longing for something that you can never truly get back, and that’s one of the best parts about it. You’re left with this bittersweet feeling as you let go of the past, and these people who are long gone.

DT drove home Venat’s point from EW even more for me. To use Ardbert’s words from SHB, “Joy and sorrow walk hand in hand.” There is joy and sorrow all over the place in Tural’s story and in its peoples, and I loved how every minute went even if sometimes it did feel a bit slow. But not everything needs to be so fast paced, either.

And even in the slower-paced parts, the WOL is really embodying the adventurer spirit we’ve returned to. We’re embracing our Azem roots, and travelling to new lands and meeting new people and coming to enjoy their cultures and presence. That sort of thing is what Venat, the previous Azem, loved so much about the world. And getting to understand her sentiments a bit more was excellent.

All in all, while DT has its faults, I 100% think this a great expansion. I’m excited again to see what is to come from this story, when I was apprehensive at best after 6.X patch story.

[shiningshenanigans]

So, about Loki and Sylvie’s dynamic in Episode 2…

This episode was hard to watch. It’s painful to see these two characters who we know love each other wrestle with such deep-seated issues in their relationship. The gap between expectations and reality for their reunion scene, what we hoped it would be vs. what we got, is pretty glaringly huge. 

It’s interesting to think about how most of the reunion fics people have been writing for the past two years have been variations of the same thing: Loki searching endlessly for Sylvie out in the multiverse, finally finding her and welcoming her back with open arms; Sylvie, tentative and rageful at first, but eventually breaking down in tears and melting into his embrace. We all wanted a big, emotional moment for them, full of kisses and hugs and apologies and “I love you”s. What we got instead was awkward tension and a lack of vulnerability from both parties. 

That sad part is, this is just what happens in human relationships sometimes. Sometimes you can’t resolve everything with one conversation. Sometimes fear, insecurities, pride, or just poorly timed interruptions keep us from mending what’s been broken between us and the people we love. 

But, there’s still a reason that we wanted to see the reunion scene play out this way, à la Hosea and Gomer or the prodigal son returning home after wasting his father's money. We long to see forgiveness and repentance play out in relationships, because that’s what unconditional love looks like. That’s how the conversation should have gone, and would have gone if these weren’t flawed, complex characters that we’re dealing with. Sylvie should be feeling remorse for what she’s done. Loki should be prioritizing Sylvie’s emotional well-being above his own needs. Under the surface, I think that that’s exactly what’s happening. But neither of them are vocalizing it properly, and that’s what’s creating the tension. 

Sylvie, I think, is clearly in the wrong. I say that as the biggest Sylvie stan ever, so hear me out. Her actions and anger towards the TVA have always been completely, 100% justified, but she’s being really short-sighted at the moment. She thinks she can settle down in her own timeline and forget about everything, but sooner or later the consequences of her actions are going to come back to haunt her.  

If you think about it, killing HWR didn’t really do that much to free the timeline. The TVA didn’t even know that HWR existed, and he seemed to be running everything on autopilot. If Sylvie had made it all the way to the citadel by herself, without ever meeting Loki or Mobius, the TVA might very well have just continued to prune branches and hunt her down, with no real knowledge of what happened behind the curtain. 

The real reason the TVA stopped coming after Sylvie is because Mobius and B15 put out an order to stop pruning branches. While Loki and Sylvie were making their way to the citadel, they were down in the TVA changing hearts and minds, transforming it from the inside out. That’s not to diminish what Sylvie did - after all, it was her fighting spirit that inspired the change in the first place. But in a roundabout way, Loki is really the one who set her free from her life on the run. He was the bridge between her and the TVA, the one who brought her story and the all evils of the TVA to the light. It’s really his influence that has made her new life on the timeline possible, but she doesn’t comprehend this yet. She can’t, with all of her unhealed trauma. In her mind, she’s her own hero. She saved herself.

It’s interesting to note that when Loki asks her what she’ll do if HWR shows up again, her answer is, “Kill him”, with that smug little smirk on her face. This has been Sylvie's go-to solution for all her problems ever since we met her. Minute men chasing her down? Kill them. Timekeepers trying to control her destiny? Kill them. Clown interrupts her plan to kill said time keepers? Kill him. Weird man in a purple robe trying to take away everyone’s free will? You guessed it: kill him. What she doesn’t realize, though, is that this mindset makes her no different from the corrupt TVA agents she hates so much. People making choices that lead to chaos and multiversal war? Prune them. In other words, kill them. Loki’s love for Sylvie, and his friendship with Mobius, has taught him that life has value, and now he’s doing everything he can to protect it through the TVA. But this isn’t a lesson that Sylvie has learned yet. She’s only thinking about the value of her own life - not the lives of others. Not really. Not yet.

Also, how happy could she really be in her little 1980s McDonalds world? Yes, she's experiencing stability for the first time in her life, and don't get me wrong, Homegirl totally deserves the chance to rest and live a normal life for a little while. But, at the same time, how many people in her new timeline could ever really, truly understand the life she’s lived? She deserves to have people like Loki, Mobius, B15, Casey and OB in her life: fellow variants who can relate, on some level, to the trauma that she’s been through. She deserves the chance to explore and embrace her Asgardian heritage, her Jotun heritage, even. With Loki in particular, she has the opportunity to be in a relationship where she is fully known in every way possible, seeing as he’s literally a masculine version of herself. She deserves that kind of intimacy in her life, and it won’t be long before that lack of connection starts to leave her lonely again. She may say that she’s not running from anything, but she is. She’s running from herself, from her own story.

Loki’s not off the hook, either. He made some major missteps in the way he approached this conversation. It really should have been his responsibility to lead with love and prioritize Sylvie’s emotions over his own. And while I think he tried to do that… he failed pretty miserably. 

I have a suspicion that he was disappointed, a little hurt, even, when he learned about Sylvie’s new life on the timeline. Afterall, they had kinda made plans to do that together when all was said and done. It probably stung to learn that not only was she ok without him, she was also happy and thriving in her new life. This is honestly the hardest part of learning how to love someone selflessly. You tell yourself that you want what’s best for them, but… can you accept it if “what’s best for them” has nothing to do with whether or not you are an active part of their life?

A lot of Loki’s desperation to find Sylvie in the first episode is fueled by uncertainty–not knowing where she is and wanting to make sure she’s ok. When he learns about her new life, a lot of that urgency goes away. But, he still wants to see her, and he feels like he needs a “reason” for it. So, he hides behind his encounter with her in the elevator as his way in.

What Loki should have done in this moment was be vulnerable with her. He should have asked her how she was. He should have told her the real reason he came: because he loves her and wants to fix things between them (and also protect her from an impending multiversal war, but that’s a conversation for later). He got this so right when he threw himself under her blade at the citadel, holding her gently and assuring her that he knew how she felt. But sincerity and truth-telling, vulnerability, are all still new to him, and while he’s not hiding his feelings anymore, you can tell he’s still struggling to express them.     

He’s too in his own head during their conversation. Her cold attitude and the time limit she’s placed on the talk have left him scrambling for words, so instead, he chooses to put up his own walls rather than chip away at hers. He tells her about what he saw in the future and asks her for information. He starts talking about TVA business and multiversal wars (the absolutely last thing she wants to hear about) and tries to force his viewpoint on her again rather than actually trying to clear the air.  

They both have so far to go to reconcile their relationship, and it's tough to watch. It makes me miss their bond in season 1, their playful banter and the inherent sweetness of their honeymoon phase. Is it possible that they’re drifting apart intentionally, that they won’t end up together in the end? Yeah, sure. Marvel doesn’t really have a great track record for ending romances on a positive note. But I really hope that all the angst is building towards something satisfying in the end. It is, after all, only episode 2. We’ve got the whole rest of the season to go!