#but we call her wrong <3< /div>
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was bored in class and doodled out my idea for a guilty kotoko
#im sorry bbg i love you but#guilties#milgram#kotoko yuzuriha#she has no face because#as you can see once i joined the stp fanbase#ive never drawn chains the same way#tw: sh implied#i want her jacket to still be loose because we're technically proving her right#but we call her wrong <3#sooooooo
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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.
first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.
it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.
and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.
you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.
and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.
your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.
in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.
in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.
so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.
you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.
once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.
and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"
you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?
hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!
you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.
we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?
#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck#good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen#im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3#writeblr#the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also#''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist#i was <3 punctured <3 during mine#and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3#she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh#ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance#i'd crash on the table#like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it#and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just#woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes#she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room#from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing#and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying#and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap#with this terrible memory#i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like#that was too many liters#and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home#i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after#that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty#you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it#while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED#and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.
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Stillborn? No, still born au -- Dani Phantom! Clone girl herself. :]
She can't exist in this au. And it's not that I don't want to add her -- although I'll be blunt, I don't, I'll be the first to admit that I think she's more often than not nothing more than a narrative deadweight used to prop up Danny and I don't like adding characters as props -- but her existence quite literally goes against and muddies the Vlad and Danny dynamic I have for this au. Ellie's existence in canon itself states that she was created -- and Danny's other clones too -- because Vlad gave up on trying to convert him to his side and decided to just make a son instead.
Something that just, doesn't happen in the stillborn-still born au. See, for folks who are only just hearing about this au or didn't see my post about Vlad in this au, he and Danny have a complicated love-hate relationship where they mutually want to adopt each other, but their morals and way of doing things -- mainly Vlad's insistence on getting revenge against the Fentons -- gets in the way of them being able to do that in full.
Vlad knows Danny wants him to adopt him, and is only fighting him on it because he refuses to let Vlad kill the Fentons for essentially killing the both of them. He's succeed in 50% of his goal. Canon Vlad never even made it to 1%. With that in mind, stillborn Vlad has no reason and sees no reason to clone Danny, he has his son. He just needs to convince him to let him avenge them both.
Dani simply has no place in the stillborn-still born au. And in fact, if Vlad did decide to clone Danny -- for whatever reason, -- it would damage his relationship with Danny damn near beyond repair. That's because Danny would view it the same way he views Damian's existence; as a replacement for himself. He would become beyond furious and hurt, and not for the typical 'I can't believe you cloned me, you creep!' reason, but for a 'I can't believe you cloned me, you said I was your son!' reason.
I am not pulling any punches here when I say Danny wants Vlad to be his dad just as much as Vlad wants Danny to be his son, there's just a lot of factors getting in the way. They are, as the french say, ✨mentally unwell.✨ Danny has a ton of abandonment and trust issues due to his experiences in foster care. He would immediately become jealous, insecure, and incredibly furious and hurt. He'd despise her on principal and want nothing to do with her, or Vlad for that matter. He'd just fucking haaate her. It's not her fault she was made but Danny doesn't really care, he's lashing out and pushing people away because he's been betrayed yet again.
The only way they could get along or for Danny to actually like her in any capacity would be if it was his idea to clone himself. Which is like, kinda obvious but considering most clone plots tend to be non-consensual it's kinda gotta be said. He has to have a hand in creating her, that's the only way I can see him liking her in any way. Or if someone other than Vlad created her. If Vlad clones him though, all bets are off the table and he'll despise her.
TL;DR: Dani can't exist in this au because she goes against the narrative I've got for the two most fucked up half-dead could-be-father-son duo in existence, but if she did exist Danny would despise her.
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#dpdc#danyal al ghul au#stillborn? no still born au#stillborn danny#danyal al ghul#dpxdc au#vlad masters#dani phantom#he's what the french like to call 'emotionally unstable' <3. vlad is a possessive parent thats obvi but DANNY is a possessive son#he is SO not mentally okay. he's a good kid! but he's also mentally unwell and incredibly traumatized <3#he doesnt play nice with his biological siblings unfortunately :((#danny as a default pushes his people away from him and flinches away from most conventional affection bc he thinks its insincere#and it takes a while to convince him that yes you do actually care about his well being and you're not going to hurt him.#he really is just a traumatized cat that you have to coax into letting you pet it. he clings onto the people he trusts like a terrified cat#have you ever tried pulling a cat down from something when their claws are dug into it and the only way you can get them down is by hurting#them a little because you have to yank them off? yeah that's danny.#if dani DID exist and Danny and her DID get along she'd spend a lot of time also convincing him to let vlad kill the fentons. danny keeps#trying to tell her murder is wrong. dani just says 'but they got you and dad killed' and unfortunately she is as stubborn as her brother an#dad. she gets to be a little evil. as a treat <3. she also doesnt like damian but that's because she too is a possessive sister#who doesnt like to share and damian already *has* a bunch of older brothers. he doesn't *need* danny. and also he's a replacement#we love complicated family dynamics <33 THE most dysfunctional half-dead not-family ever.
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I hate when Chakotay is watered down to be Janeway's yes man because their disagreements are actually very interesting. [A lot of rambling analysis of this debate in particular below]
Chakotay in Parallax is very interesting in that he has to navigate a lot of different dynamics. Balance a lot of plates while being watched keenly by everyone around him. Immediately preceding this scene we see him ask B'Elanna for her opinion on the bridge - both as a chance to show her knowledge in his bid to make her chief engineer (because she wouldn't get a chance to otherwise as Janeway has clearly indicated that at this point she views B'Elanna as a troublemaker who won't be considered for the position) and because he just thinks she's a better engineer than Carey and wants the best possible chance of them succeeding. Janeway sees this as unacceptable. Carey is the chief engineer and so he should be called and Chakotay NOT asking for his opinion is an insult to Carey, Janeway, and might make the crew doubt Chakotay (and by extension the Maquis') loyalty to the Starfleet crew.
At this point it seems that to Janeway integration ["They're not your people"] means the path of least resistance, specifically tailored towards the Starfleet crew. She wants Chakotay by her side to keep the Maquis crew calm but also seems unwilling to consider them for important positions aboard the ship. Though she says that the Maquis are not Chakotay's people, not his crew, she certainly doesn't seem to consider them hers [Compare this to later instances where she stresses 'our' crew, here she simply says they aren't Chakotay's: Whose crew are they? Are they crew at all?]. This less leaves the impression of "We need to be a cohesive team" and more "You're not in charge here." She essentially accuses Chakotay of playing favorites. In her mind Chakotay's actions are not conducive to integrating the crews which would (again, in her mind) mean the Maquis being docile and accepting, obedient and content - not making trouble for the Starfleet crew. Chakotay counters Janeway's accusation with one of his own: That he IS trying to integrate them into the crew but her not allowing the Maquis any opportunity to prove themselves or succeed, not showing any trust in any of them (except, implicitly at this point, him) is making things difficult. At this point the Maquis crew are ready to mutiny on his word at any time. He knows this for a fact. Aside from that looming threat (the threat being that tensions are high and if nothing changes and they remain high there might be a mutiny even without his word) - Chakotay knows these people and trusts them. Though Starfleet and Janeway think of the Maquis as a violent bunch of criminal terrorists, Chakotay and a good number of the Maquis joined because they believed in the cause they were fighting for. These are people Chakotay knows WILL fight fiercely for what they believe in and conversely, AGAINST what they perceive as injustice. Even if they're not in the majority - they're used to picking fights which seem impossible to win. At this point Janeway admits that she ISN'T making it easy for Chakotay to integrate the Maquis - specifically talking about practical concerns; how she doesn't feel she can let Maquis crew have roles of importance on the ship because they lack the ability to hold them. "They don't have the discipline, they don't have the training," - asserting that they just aren't prepared for any such roles and it doesn't have to do with them being Maquis specifically. Ostensibly, she's treating them as she might treat anyone unqualified for the job.
Chakotay maintains that some of them, like B'Elanna, have the ability to be trained - challenging her point by saying that IF they're trained there's no reason for any Maquis member NOT to be given a more prominent role on the ship. He isn't suggesting they just unqualified people important jobs. If the problem is that they aren't trained, let's train them. These people have the ability to succeed if you give them the tools they need and a fair chance, he insists. Janeway then switches gears and her argument becomes not "The Maquis are untrained so they can't be given those jobs" but "The Maquis crew are unworthy of those jobs when compared to Starfleet personnel" saying that it'll cause insult and upset among the Starfleet crew if any member of the Maquis were to be promoted above them. Again, her idea of integration is based more on Maquis subservience to the Starfleet crew than it is the two crews working together. (Not that I believe she looks at it that way, it's just where her 'path of least resistance' leads) - though she accuses Chakotay of being too focused on "his" crew, she is admitting here that she believes her real crew are the Starfleet officers aboard, not the Maquis. She also admits here that the system she wishes to maintain (and is asking Chakotay to enforce) is one where there will ostensibly never be any chance of a Maquis crew member being promoted because no Maquis crew member will ever be more qualified, more worthy, than a member of Starfleet. We can see how it'd be difficult for Chakotay to convince his crew to remain calm under these circumstances. There's also Tuvok's behavior toward him at the beginning of the episode where the Vulcan nearly goes over Chakotay's head and when he doesn't do so (as Chakotay reminds him that HE'S the superior officer, the First Officer in fact,) Tuvok acts as if him backing down (partially) and conceding (partially) to Chakotay's authority is a favor to Chakotay.
Tuvok in this conversation is downright insubordinate to Chakotay. Despite Chakotay being the first officer, he doesn't take what he says seriously, argues that his own opinion on what should be done should be followed rather than Chakotay's, lectures the first officer about his conduct, and then almost seems to threaten him with a report. In Starfleet's rigidly hierarchical rules, acting like this to a superior officer (ESPECIALLY the first officer) wouldn't be tolerated and Tuvok knows this perfectly well. He isn't a rebellious character and clearly in other episodes adheres to these Starfleet hierarchies and codes of conduct very strictly. He values them highly. But Chakotay, a Maquis, shouldn't be First Officer. Why should he be given respect for a title he didn't earn? [Affirming Janeway's argument about how Starfleet officers won't be eager to follow a Maquis senior officer] Even though Chakotay tells Tuvok off for it ["I don't have to explain myself to you"] he doesn't threaten to put Tuvok on report or explicitly mention his insubordination. It's unclear if this is Chakotay's personality or if he just doesn't feel he CAN do that. Tuvok is one of the three most senior officers aboard and very close to Janeway. Chakotay has to think of the optics of any situation at all times - we see seconds after this conversation that rumors have already started swirling around B'Elanna being relegated to quarters that've fanned the flames of mutiny. Though we know Tuvok has personal reasons for behaving the way he does toward Chakotay (which he later admits), I really don't think it'd be out of the ordinary for this to be how most Starfleet personnel would treat the Maquis if they weren't outright hostile: Like they're only pretend crewmen. To a lesser extent we even see this with Janeway: In the following staff meeting, she clearly doesn't consider B'Elanna a viable option when Chakotay brings her up and almost ignores the suggestion entirely.
It also, again, leaves Chakotay in an impossible position. If he doesn't protect and fight for the Maquis crew, they won't ever be considered a true part of the crew and dissatisfaction will likely spread among them. Dissatisfaction which the Starfleet crew will then use to further label the Maquis as insubordinate, uncontrollable, unfit. Not to mention that if he doesn't advocate for them, he might lose their trust. However, if he DOES try to help the Maquis crew advance the Starfleet crew will view this as 'favoritism' and will further distrust him, won't respect the people he puts forth as worthy. Janeway seems to be intent on not advocating for any of the Maquis crew and also seems unwilling to ask that the Starfleet crew grant leniency. She implies that the Maquis crew need to learn to get in line and keep quiet and it seems almost like [we must remember the optics] she has Chakotay as the only Maquis in a position of power to facilitate that. Chakotay recognizes and pushes against that, saying that he won't just be her token Maquis - there only so she can point to him and say "See? We don't discriminate against the Maquis here." effectively a tool used to shut down any arguments of unfair treatment and a tool to quell the Maquis if any talk of mutiny DOES arise. In this model, Janeway can just tell Chakotay to calm them down and they'll listen because they trust him. She also doesn't have to really listen to anything he says: A token First Officer has no authority; his words don't hold weight. [Chakotay isn't Maquis anymore, they aren't his crew anymore - ok. What is he then? What are they? Nothing, without respect.] This plan seems untenable, as much as Janeway frames it as sensible: "I can't make it easy, Commander. Surely you can understand that," and alternatives as impossible "How am I supposed to ask them to accept a Maquis as their superior officer just because circumstances have forced us together?" - in the long run, how would this be sustainable? In any power structure, you cannot expect a group of people you're unwilling to grant trust or agency to obediently follow you forever. This proposed form of 'integration' in which the Maquis are kept on the bottom rung and told intermittently to stay there quietly by the only one of them granted permission to stand at the top would never be sustainable - especially with a group like the Maquis who again, were founded on the belief that its members should fight against inequity and are already on the verge of mutiny.
I specifically find the statement "How am I supposed to ask them to accept a Maquis as their superior officer just because circumstances have forced us together?" to be interesting because personally I'd say that being forced together for the rest of almost everyone's natural life is a pretty good reason to ask people to adapt and Janeway does understand this but only applies it to the Maquis - the Maquis are the ones who have to adapt, not Starfleet. The only thing the Starfleet crew have to do is tolerate their presence on board.
At this point Janeway again claims that if Chakotay can show her a 'qualified' Maquis candidate she'll consider them. I believe this is true but we already know that Janeway's standards for qualification will likely not fit the vast majority of the Maquis and Chakotay ignores the claim in favor of putting forth B'Elanna again, firmly. Janeway predictably dismisses her as unqualified and Chakotay disagrees, arguing that he knows her. He's worked with her. He KNOWS that B'Elanna can excel at the job even if she doesn't meet Starfleet/Janeway's qualifications. He doesn't value those qualifications over what he's observed about her - just as he didn't value Carey's title over what he knew about the gap between his and B'Elanna's abilities. Then, Chakotay switches gears. He admits that Janeway's right - he does view the Maquis as his crew but that's because Janeway (almost self admittingly) doesn't and if he doesn't, who will they have? [What kind of captain, kind of man, would he be?] "You're going to have to give them more authority if you want their loyalty." "Theirs or yours, Commander?" Janeway frames Chakotay's words pointing out the flaws in this plan which I outlined earlier, as almost a threat (if she doesn't have Chakotay's loyalty it'll most definitely mean mutiny). Chakotay asserts that it wasn't a threat, he's only trying to help by telling her how the Maquis crew will react to what she's telling him. "I'm sorry you can't see that" - not an apology for what he said but that she isn't willing to budge, not willing to listen to him and acknowledge that she might be as biased towards her crew as he is towards his. Chakotay is trying his best to acclimate his crew but if Janeway isn't willing to do the same, to talk to her people as he's talking to his, then this will not end well and that isn't a threat. It's just the reality of the situation. He then asks permission to leave, showing he is willing to observe Starfleet protocol (just as when he asked permission to speak freely), and Janeway lets him go, exhaling at the intensity of their debate when alone in her ready room.
#J/C is not interesting to me when they're strifelessly playing house or Chakotay is her lovesick yesman who'll do whatever she says#Kathryn Janeway#Chakotay#I really wish they'd kept up this kind of tension between the crews and used Tuvok/Janeway/Tuvok as like a microcosm of that tension#it'd be so good!!#Tuvok#<- he's there too#chara analysis#star trek voyager#st voy#Is this the only episode they call the ship 'The Voyager' ??#Also hearing Harry call Tom 'Mr Paris' is funny - early seasons voyager you have my heart early seasons voy supremacy#ANYWAY - that's beside the point#I do like how the maquis v starfleet tension is handled in this episode#I love how we see everyone start working together and relationships begin to form#How once B'Elanna shows her stuff Janeway is almost immediately intrigued and excited & how B'Elanna feeds off that excitement#The Doctor: -annoyed annoyed complaining complaining snarky comment- ugh I can't believe I have to help with something STUPID#Kes: You're very sensitive aren't you~? /gen /pos#The Doctor: ???? um ..... haha. idk. anyway I'm glad I could help :)#'how can we be seeing a reflection of something that we hadn't even done yet?' Voyager I love you MWAH#Tom Janeway B'Elanna: -temporal mechanics- / Harry: .... so how do we get out???#SUUCKS that in later seasons B'Elanna & Chakotay's relationship isn't focused on anymore but I mean. Every poc is pushed aside in later#seasons. But here you can see how much Chakotay believes in her and wants her to succeed!!! No wonder she likes him so much#He was probably one of the first people to really believe in her and SHOW IT and now Janeway's doing the same thing <3#My above post may paint Janeway somewhat negatively but it's only in the 'character flaws and being wrong about things means you have#a chance to grow' way - as soon as B'Elanna shows her potential Janeway wants to encourage it#God B'Elanna's so pretty#I forgot Seska was on the bridge!#'many of your teachers thought you had the potential to be an outstanding officer' SOMEONE SHOULD HAVETOLD HEEEER!!!!!!!!#WHY DID NO ONE TELL HEEER!!!!!
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Don’t be silly! Okay, be a little silly (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Sans#Papyrus#Could also be general Undertale again but y'know lol#Silliness is the only thing on the menu I'm sorry but we're out of everything else it's the one remaining option#Speaking of silliness! I started that first one in an attempt to draw Sans' blind side and then-#I had a 50-50 chance of what direction to have him face and I picked the wrong one brain why lol#Well he was still fun to draw anyhow lol it all works out#Tired Papyrus toting an even tireder Sans around#I imagine Undyne called him to do something and he just brought Sans along since he was already carrying him lol#Sans waking up in random places like ''Ah. Papyrus-teleportation'' lol#Another mini set based on me and smol! Just try and stop me!!#We frequently talk about dreams right after we wake up if we happen to catch each other - and remember lol#And one of her dreams was just so absurd that the harder I imagined it the funnier it got lol#So I gave it to Sans to enjoy lol - him enjoying when Papyrus is intentionally silly with him makes my heart happy <3#Papyrus plays his straight man so often that when he does come in with something funny it just catches Sans off guard haha#Pleased all the way around!#Also ft. a slight headcanon I have about Sans' lowercasedness lol#About his voice being naturally quiet and all that - that even when he laughs really hard it's still on the quiet side#Tires him out but it's kinda breathy#And if you can believe it I am Still getting used to drawing Sans' face pftbltl#He's so roundy! I feel like he'd be easy to draw and then I do and like#Sometimes yes sometimes no! I'm starting to recognize which features do it but dang I wasn't expecting him to be harder to draw than Papyrus#I feel like Papyrus' design is a little more forgiving - like if you mess up a detail you can still be like ''Okay but that's like 95% him''#With Sans it's like ''Well I did Something. And now he's Extremely off-model. Could I tell you what I did? Uhm'' Lol#I'll get it figured out! I will!
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i keep thinking about the datamined conversation between halsin and minthara and what gets me about it is that if you side with halsin and turn minthara away, thats objectively the bad choice.
like at this point, you've rescued minthara from moonrise. you know now that she was being controlled to act against her will. you've gone to the trouble of rescuing her from her tormentors, and you've experienced what it felt like as they tried to destroy her mind. you know what will happen to her if you turn her away. and if you do, you're willingly condemning her to that fate. you've essentially allowed her to experience freedom, to regain her sense of self, only to tear that away from her again.
whereas if you side with minthara, and halsin leaves, that's the only consequence he experiences. that he's not a companion anymore. at this point, we've saved the grove, we've saved him, and we've lifted the shadow curse. we've helped him achieve what hes been hoping to do for over a century. leaving your party won't see him lose his free will. he can return to the grove and live his life.
the choice is essentially either condemn someone to a fate worse than death, knowing exactly what that entails vs not letting someone travel with you anymore. its pretty clear cut to me.
its just interesting to me that they've switched the morality of it around given that minthara is considered the 'evil' companion by so many.
#baldur's gate 3#baldur's gate 3 spoilers#bg3 spoilers#minthara#minthara baenre#before anyone comes at me and says that halsin is allowed to have his prejudice and his trauma. im not saying hes not#not sure about someone being allowed to have prejudice but yes thats part of human nature i guess#my point isnt that hes not allowed to react like this#my point is that hes wrong.#sure he can be struggling with his trauma and his prejudice over minthara being a lolth sworn (even if shes not anymore)#BUT. at this point we as a character /know/ theres more to her. we know that hes making an unfair assessment of her#which is even more jarring if you're a drow/lolth sworn drow#and at this point. you've saved the grove youve saved him youve helped him break the curse. he tells you its a debt he cant repay#and that hes so thankful. but he wont trust you or your decision. he won't even attempt to#and u know what thats fine. he doesnt have to. but if you're siding with him you're condemning her. you're killing her#if you side against him. he can go back to his responsibilities as an arch druid rather than leaving it in someone elses hands (which was?)#that is the lesser of the two evils here#yes you can call minthara the 'evil' character because shes a lolth sworn but thats just buying into the prejudice halsin is showing#and its wrong#anyways. my point is good for him if he wants to demand you make a ridiculous choice#but turning her away is the bad choice and tbh i feel like the game wants u to know that#and sure if you want to boil it down to which character u like more than the other and u prefer halsin. ur obvs gonna side with him#but in that case u probably wouldn't even get this conversation#because why would u have bothered to spare / save minthara in the first place?
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So my canon is that Sparkle doesn't exist and actually vita is weirdly flirting with Leyah she's already doing that well i suppose Vita just Vitad her way through everything and everything happened relatively the same and also Kiana is still in a coma playing Elden Ring DLC she was not visited by a pink weirdo.
#I watched the “new” animation and I call bullshit#Sure vita would have played with Sparkle but the moment she was called Sa she would have snapped Sparkle's neck#Why did vita eveb get caught off guard that one time? Like girl the vita I know would never#(not correcting the typo)#Maybe I'm just simping too hard and glazing Vita too much... Not that I care but vita can influence the rules of bubble worlds.#Anyway they also made Sparkle genuinely bad as a playable valkyrie like whoa what the hell is the appeal of her existence?#Don't get me wrong HSR Sparkle is cool I just don't vibe with whatever they're making with the “collab” (it's not a fucking collab)#honkai impact#honkaiposting#honkaimpact3rd#hi3#hi3rd#I haven't complained enough but you guys need to understand right#It's not a collab. Because everything Sparkle related is permanent.#It's just a regular ass valkyrie#Yeah even the event is permanent#She will have reruns#She is just a normal part 2 valkyrie#They're saying “collab” just to get more people to think it's special : it's not. I could log in in 3 months and Sparkle could have a rerun#Do not encourage this behavior because if that keeps up we will end up with half the HSR roster in Hi3rd.#I love collabs when they are fun and silly non Canon stuff#Can't believe I'm saying this but genshin did it correctly#Like bring that back instead I loved the event it was so fun and just stupid fun the devs had#Like they could be silly and make references and that was cool#I want that back. Not weird ass timeline changing lore that only makes the already fucked timeline even worse
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A mothers superpower is knowing exactly what to say to make everything worse
#like#since all the shit with my ex roommate i feel like i cant trust myself not to hurt the people around me#and i dont understand what ive done wrong so i cant fix it#so im just stuck being terrible and hurting people#and my mother told me the other day#that when her foster father was dying she took me to see him one last time#i was maybe 3 years old#and before this every time we'd go to see him i loved playing with him and just sitting with him and whatnot#but this time he was in really bad shape#he was weekd away from dying#and he looked like it#and as soon as we walked in he called me and told me to come sit with him#and i froze and backed away#he asked me what was wrong and i said he was a monster#my mother said he understood that he looked terrible and i just didnt recognize him anymore#but that it broke his heart#so you know#its nice to know that ive just always been terrible#and hurting people that care about me is just some innate part of who i am
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Yesterday my little brother called because a stranger, a worker at a bakery told him that he really reminded her of a friend and that he's nearly identical to this friend she has, and said my name. Turns out she's the lady from the secondhand book cart I used to live next to and befriended her while walking by nearly every day, but then I moved and she switched jobs and I haven't seen her in months and I've been wondering how she's doing every time I shopped at a book cart and apparently she remembers my name too and thinks of me as a dear friend. Idk it just made me happy and I feel like there's a poem to write here but I'm not very good with words
#I even came out to her as trans at some point and she called me by my chosen name today when talking to my brother#I used to buy my compulsory readings from her and after a while she'd put aside the Russian classics for me#and then sometimes I just went to hang out and she told me about her life and her son and jobs and all#and sometimes I'd stay until she closed up and we'd pack up the books together for the night#I used to visit her now and then even after I moved#after she switched jobs we still ran into each other at the metro station once but I haven't seen her since#when I had top surgery and couldn't visit for quite long#afterwards she said that she was wondering where I am and that she hoped nothing was wrong!!!#I'll visit her at the bakery when I can <3#I need y'all to know for context that this is in Budapest!!! it's a HUGE city#and my brother and I live in quite different parts of the city#and we're both originally from Transylvania and he only moved here recently#the coincidence is insane#anyway I love people and I love a community and I just love it here so much#I was having a kinda tiring and tough day and this cheered me up so much
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Reading my fave thin man and lady fic. Kicking my feet a lot because tbh. Sometimes a sad man really is just a weird woman's science project in a way that is so homoerotic
#carols.txt#when i tell you i've been re-reading this single one shot religiously every single month for almost three years I mean it#《straight》 ship so good we call it queerbaiting#LMAOOOOOO#call it yaoyuri the way these old people r tragic and doomed by the narrative or whatever#listen as a bi person on the aroace spectrum whatever this fic was trying to convey really strikes a cord#while its not the same as my own this characterization of them is so intriguing. im so hooked on it#^^ one thing i think this person really nailed was thin man's immaturity (stemming from his emotions oftentime being too big to control) ->#and the desire of attention that comes with said immaturity while also having the lady be both cold (normal) and intrigued in a way that ->#that really fits her character. curiosity is one of the many facets that make up her character that don't get explored much and i think its#done so well here for like no reason💀 THIS AUTHOR COOKED TOO HARD YOU GUYS#like ofc she wouldnt send him away. shes studying him under a microscope. even though hes annoying as hell#thin man is plagued by sassy man syndrome in this which is really fucking funny cus it lasts a total of 3 seconds before she finds him out#PLUS THE TALK ABOUT THE TOWER AND THE WORLD... AUGHHH#i need this author to give me their brain NOW#AUGHHHHHAAGGGHEEHH#everyone needs to start doing thinlady the way this person was doing it#this is the biblically accurate old people (in case my theory abt baby lady having been in the pale city is wrong)#live laugh love. its my birthday. spoiling myself a bit. goddamn.
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Oooo... HCs. got any for Broppy?
I don't think I have anything outside of what people have already said in the many years broppy has graced us but I shall try o7
* said this before but poppy never finds it hard to avoid being sarcastic w him <3 and ever since getting closer to branch post 1st movie she's become a lot more open to letting the funniest, most backhanded comments outta her mouth, shame free 😌
* they rub off on each other where in she can be a bit more critical/mean (in her head) and branch makes an effort to see the good in people before just waving them off
* as I'm writing this I realize that these are all plausibly 'canon' (in the cartoon) I literally just cannot think of much outside what we were already given I'm soooo sorry 😭😭😭😭
#ask#i liked them more as a will they wont they kinda situation in tbgo (maybe tpia too but i havent finished that yet)#they are sickeningly sweet as an actual couple and are really really good for each other and i can#enjoy them as is in the main franchise (also their 'couple' moments in tbt are genuinely some of their funniest)#but how poppy was handled to deal w her feelings towards branch BEFORE that felt kinda underwhelming to me#not to rant about twt AGAIN but it really does feel like we barely scratched the surface of how poppy actually feels about Anything and it#grinds my gearsssss#sorry this just turned into a rant WAH. my poppy bias lenses influence me too much#just know that whatever the hell tbgo did to them in the cartoon is real and true in my heart#(they know each others fears and poppy (and the snack pack) can sneak into branchs bunker any time of day they go to each other for their#prablems. they piss each other off so bad that if there ever came a time where the moment called for it and the other DIDNT tease then#they would know that somthing is truly. deeply. terribly wrong)#'i care about you but also i want to beat you with hammers <3'#'see you at the food court STUPID!!! haha. we are friends >:3'#yapping
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Browsing redshit made me think about this,
I might be usually harsh him, but credit where it's due :
The game kills Jerry when Jerry is the one who calls Flamey "uwu not me but Solon i would have stopped them if i knew" bullshit
Oh, we've met all right. But back to you. You're the one responsible for the destruction of this village. Do not get the wrong idea. What in blazes does that mean? It is true that I am working with Solon. But that does not mean our objectives are the same. Had I known they planned to do this, I would have stopped it. You have my word. Your words are meaningless. Now, I'll have to insist that you accompany us back to the monastery.
(note how Jerry has the angry portrait!)
Of course it happens in the event where Jerry backtracks on everything he did before and realises he had been stupid but hey, the game and its red herring is written around this "plot induced stupidity" -
Assuming logic exists in a Fodlan game and Kronya missed his vitals - would Jerry eventually side with Billy in CF?
Regardless of Rhage talking about failures and garbage, I see them as willing to spare Billy (they're his beloved kid after all) or maybe talk some sense in them - like hewwo, did you forget Remire and all? Clownya?
Maybe like a red unit that turns green - but attacks everyone on your team who isn't Billy, which means, of course, Billy will have to end them.
But siding with Flamey, I mean, Supreme Leader?
Nah.
And then Nopes was released lol
#I might by harsh on Jerry#seriously dude has been investigating Adrestia since he joined GM#imo he could have some doubts about Supreme involvment#but he dies before revealing anything?#of course that red herring is that red herring#but in a way that's similar to another mentor figure from a manga i loved to diss on#they call the main uwu earl grey villain's reasons bullshit#and are fridged as a result because you/the hero has to uwu about them#FE16!Jerry seems like a loser but with a good side as he ultimately wants to repay the people of Remire#and is crossed when they are foddered#Nopes!Jerry doesn't see anything wrong with joining Adrestia#heck in AM don't we kill him when he's still working for the Empire in part 2 when people are killing each other in Adrestia? I forgot#FE16#3 nopes
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WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYONE FROM CALIFORNIA
#uhh more venty shit down in the tags#likee tw for csa or grooming or whatever idk#like uhh my bf (a complicated topic) is from california#and uhh yeah basically i have an ex gf that i broke up with bc I'm a shitty person#and i cheated on her with predators multiple times ykyk#and a) wanted to avoid guilt b) obviously staying with her was wrong c) she's a really good person and i wanted to feel worse so ykyk#and uhh we're still close friends#she really should hate me bc stuff but oh well that's a vent for another day#and yeahh a while back when she came over and we started talking mental health shit#and i impulsively was like “hey how about we troll this bloke that has been trying to get back in contact with me?”#uhh he's like 38 or something and uhhh we sexted for like a day .#while i was dating my current boyfriend.#wow i really am a shitty person#and then yeah we had been texting a little for like the previous 3 days#so me and ex gf kinda went along with whatever he was saying#until he called and realised there was 2 off us and blocked me#ANYHOW YEAH HE WAS FROM CALIFORNIA#and after that event i randomly started feeling intense hate for ex gf every once in a while???#I'm not exactly sure why but oh well that did happen#and anyhow yeah a few months ago#like just before i broke up with her i think#she recommended the song dogbird by madds buckley#i nearly cried when i listened to it lmao it's far too real#i really recommend it#but yeah i was already like pushing her away at that point and that song is basically about that#(also very sapphic)#and yahh this morning i was feeling Sad and i randomly remembered this song and i was like “damn that's on topic ima listen to it again”#it's even realer than i remembered lmao#and yeah guess where the girlfriend-that-was-pushed-away was mentioned to be from in that song?#FROM FUCKING CALIFORNIA
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i love it here. yumm yummy racism
#my mother would be appalled if I called her racist meanwhile she is like 7 steps from becoming a japanese nationalist#girl you realize I'm mixed. or are only the japanese and americans okay and everyone else is evil and uncivilized#girl idk how to tell you this but you're about 3 steps in the wrong direction to wanting to make an ethnostate#you do realize that's what hitler wanted. Like. you recognize this right. you're about to join nazi party 2.0#japan in general is extremely like. holier than thou and patriotic. why we became besties with italy and germany in ww2#believing themselves to be racially superior wanting to take over the world having a divine right to the world because no reason#at least in germany they actually teach about the atrocities. in japan it's literally a footnote#like yea ig we did commit some atrocities in china. I guess. no numbers though that's too mean to say :(#(300k. the answer is 300k. way more if you count everything except the rape of nanking)#chewby rambles#anyways everyone. how're we doing
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my reaction after ()’s attempt to gaslight me for the uncountable time into trying to repair this broken relationship that they ruined
#es talks#no because why…………#you ended it i didnt do… anything…. (head in hands in disappointment)#story time here.. click for more if u wanna read..?#ill call them (). one day they texted me about our friend who ill call koru who unfollowed(?) them on twt because they kept#commenting (more of in a critical way..) about how their art was missing fingers despite it being drawn correctly. so they tried to somewhat#force me to stop talking to koru and shit talks about them to me…. which i still remained in contact with koru and told them everything#so we stayed as besties and eventually () came by to visit me and eventually found out i was still friends with koru then decided to throw a#temper tantrum and ignore me to the point their mother had to get involved… which still didnt work out after their mother helping us 3 times#then our … like 4 years or longer relationship just went down the drain… all because of that.#unfriended me and also started shit talking me to their friends then just yesterday which i found out today#<- discord btw -> she then sent me multiple messages in some gcs we were in… calling me disgusting & said i shouldnt ignore wtf i did in#an attempt to gaslight me thinking what i did was gen wrong and also guilt tripping me to crawl back to her to beg and apologize as i always#do… but i just had enough ehfjejdje#well ill most likely delete this later just needed to get this out of my system!
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Always an ephemeral presence, only noticed when I'm there
and even when I'm there, I'm really not
#the latter half of my 20's where i left canada and was recovering from a near daily desire to end my life for 6 years#i started to come out of my shell#the more i did the more deeply attached i got to people#and so many people just left without a word and left me devastated#its torture to care deeply and feel deeply#it feels like someone i cared about died#how is it any different#i cant even talk or see them or hang out with them#just live out the rest of my existence in their absence#its easy to say 'who cares'#J won't even talk to me anymore and the first 3 years we met we hung out every night because we understood each other so well#she told me every little thing about her life that she wouldn't tell any one else#now she won't even talk to me or return my calls or texts#i dont know man#how can anyone view this as anything else other than the pseudo death of someone you love and that love will never fade#because maybe they never wronged me and we just naturally drifted#and what's the point of resentment i cant change anything other than myself#so im always left wondering what i could've done differently#but that's just being forever stuck in grief
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