#but we both only have two years left on our degrees

[arreish]

I've sold myself to a soulless cubicle job and yes I regret it. I just hope the pay balances it out because I know it's not permanent. Just for a couple years while I finish my degree. I hate that I always have to sacrifice. Either sacrifice time with my husband and children to make decent money, or sacrifice pay to have time with them.

[lustlovehart]

Bitten Hope

A/n: loosely inspired by @merakiui ‘s DRU Jade and Death Row Floyd, not exact though, but I really liked her writing on their serial killer counterparts and took inspo!!

Pairing: Serial Killer! Jade Leech x Reader x Serial Killer! Floyd Leech

Summary: Interrogating criminals is your job, it’s rare for that to go wrong. Though, it’s even more rare for them to be infatuated with their investigator.

Warnings: Heavy Yandere [mdni] , Blood, Biting, Cuffing, Kidnapping, Violence, Dub-con kissing (not on mouth), aged 18+, Imprisonment

You’re stood on the other side of the one-way-looking glass. You can see them, but they can’t return that gaze. The two of them aren't eerily silent. No… they’re laughing and conversing as if this was just a regular brotherly reunion. To them, it might just be that, two brothers who are finally talking to one another after a year of only speaking through calls.

“Seems you’re still the same, Floyd”

“Well duhh, I don’t have that time you do to plan them out, I jus’ wanna get it over with”

“Perhaps that’s why you were caught much earlier than me.”

“Well you got jailed too so that doesn't change anythin’” Floyd leans back in the chair, his head craning up to look at the bright buzzing lights of the room.

“Ya think they’re gonna bring Shrimpy in?“

To this statement, the other twin looks at him, curiosity filled in those mismatched eyes.

“My, are you saying [name] is here?“

“Oh right, I didn’t tell ya cuz it woulda’ been lame if you knew,“ his head jumps back into place, a bubbly smile replacing his previously disinterested expression, “Yep! Shrimpy’s here, ain’t that nice~“

On the other side of the glass, you’re left balling your fist into itself.

How… How could they—!

A steady hand on your shoulder breaks your trance, the familiar sight of bright red somewhat comforting the tension in your joints.

“They were off-putting in our school years but, no one would’ve known how it was gonna turn out this way.” You place your hand above his, offering a smile to him to show your body easing itself.

“Yo Jade.”

“Yes?” Once again, Floyd’s mood changes, shifting from cheerful to… scary. The same aura can be felt from Jade but to a more concealed degree.

“I wanna break the glass.” You and Riddle's head turn immediately at the man’s suggestion.

“Pray tell how would you do that?” he tilts his head and strikes his signature close-eyed smile at his twin “And why do you wanna do that?”

“Dunno, wait till these cuffs come off.” His hands lift as the sound of clanging chains resonate through the empty room, his brother only smiling as he looks down at his own. “And I don’t like the vibe I got on the other side.”

You quickly move out of Riddles range, his hand grasping for where your shoulder previously was.

“Wha— You’re going in alre—?! [Name]—” You don’t reply, the sound of the door swinging open and shutting filling the silence of the space.

“Oh my. You should be more careful, any stronger and we could’ve broken free from these.” You sit on the other side of the steel table, crossing your legs as you lean into the cold metal.

Floyd’s been on death row for a month now, but he hasn’t given any leads. And Jade… he just got here. Maybe if the both of them are together we can…

“When. You can tell me.”

“When are we gonna marry Shrimpy? As soon as we get out—“

“No. When did you start? Killing. When did you start being murderers.” Jade lays his hands on the table, his biceps and forearms visibly buff as well as veiny.

“When do you think?”

“ Are you avoiding the question?”

“No, of course not, I’m just simply asking if you know—“ Floyd’s upper half quickly flops onto the surface, a loud sigh interrupting you and Jade.

“Since the last year of school, now can we talk about Shrimpy ‘stead, talkin bout us is boring”

“Floyd…” Jade's lips are pursed in a line, he expected his brother's outburst but he hoped it would come later compared to sooner.

“Whaat, the faces people made when I strangled them aren’t fun to think about anymore,” his body stays flopped, only turning his head as his smile is aimed towards you. “So shrimpy, yah still single right~? Savin marriage for us yeah?”

“You… I am not!”

“But you’re still available? I see.” Their flirtatious comments only serve as a way to piss you off even more.

“You two… I’m not going to marry serial killers…!”

“Then do not think of us as killers, think of us as your lovers.”

“I will not…! Ugh… just be quiet and answer me.” They don’t reply only giving you the smiles they would flash at you when school was still happening. I can’t be obvious with my questioning—

“About 250.”

“Jade, what are you talking about…?”

“You were about to ask us how many victims we’ve had yes?”

…

…What? What? We only linked 8 of those murders to Jade how could he possibly—

“Floyd, what about you?” Floyd looks up at the sky, his face almost cartoony as he ponders about the answer as if he’s on TV.

“Uhhh, dunno. I didn’t count. Was a big number too though.

… How did these two even—

…

“ Where are these people now? How did you do it to them?”

“Shrimpy wants to know real bad huh’. Okay, I’ll tell yah.“ you didn’t think his grin could grow any bigger but it does, somehow. “but yah gotta lean in close.”

Ignoring the obvious risk of getting too near, if you do this… you have the opportunity to finally know what’s happened to all these people. All those missing person cases… you can find out just how many of them were the faults of these two.

You look back at the glass for a moment. Knowing that Riddle is on the other side eases your tension, albeit only a little. Well…

You hope he’s on the other side.

Your body slowly leans towards him, each second making you wanna back out, but pushing through it despite that gnawing feeling.

Floyd’s smile seems to be the biggest it's ever been. His face comes closer to your own, his voice low as the whisper that leaves his lips sends chills throughout your body.

“Ya ready?”

It happens too fast. He’s swift with the movement, before you can fully lean back to avoid it, you can feel it. His lips are felt on your cheek before the tender texture is replaced with sharp edges that dig into the nape of your neck. Your fingers lock into his hair, immediately pulling yourself free from his Jaws.

The chair you originally sat on is knocked back onto the floor. The clattering sound of the seat resonated through the walls.

“Awwww shrimpy looks cute with red all over!” He flashes his teeth, once white canines, are now painted in red. The sight makes you freak out, both of your hands flying up to the wound in your neck, putting immediate pressure on the bite.

He didn’t hit anything vital, only deep enough to bleed me… but if I don’t get this wrapped up it might get infected.

You don’t spare them any more words, immediately walking to the door and gripping the handle. You swing it down pulling the exit inwards.

…

It won’t open.

It won’t…

“My I do wonder where that other officer went…” Your head stays locked on the handle, not even daring to turn back to face them.

“Goldfish s’out already? I wanted him to see you in red, ain’t that his favorite color?”

“How did you…?”

“Tarts, they do smell incredibly sweet, don’t they? Though, I do prefer eating their consumers instead.” It’s uncanny. Jade is putting on that… that smile…! He’s spotless, unlike his brother, the brother that’s exuding such a joyful aura with blood splattered on his mouth… The brother doesn’t seem bothered at all by the iron liquid that is absorbed in his jumpsuit.

“So that’s how… That’s how you covered up the rest of your victims…”

“Yes. Now do you understand self-control as well?” His eyes slowly trail down to your hands as he speaks, his tongue quickly wiping his lips before retreating inside. “It takes a lot of restraint to not take a bite out of such a lovely meal. I’m quite jealous of Floyd.”

“You wanna…?”

“Eat you? Oh no, not anymore. But, just a little nibble doesn’t hurt any—“

Clang!!

Your focus is caught by the sudden explosion of sound. Your eyes quickly shift to the interruption.

“So that’s how you gotta do it. It ain’t that much Jade, you jus’ pull up real hard.”

…

Floyd is out.

“It was that simple? Then let’s be quick.” Jade follows his brother's instructions, the same clanging sound ringing in the space. “It’s much more comfortable not having our hands chained to that cold metal table. It seems I even have bruises on my wrist from such capture.” He’s not lying, his wrists are littered with purple bruises, but you bet he was the one who caused those himself, not the cuffs.

“Look look!” the two of them circle the table, each step they take more menacing than the last. “Jades got a booboo on him, you gonna kiss it all nice and better right~“

Jade plays along seamlessly, wiping away tears that aren’t there at all. “Yes… It hurts a lot, it would feel much better if someone made it all better.“

“you…! I’m not going to-!“

“Jades hurt. You gonna fix him or what?“ His voice is deep, it’s not playful anymore, and his face is practically inches from your own, it’s horrifying... If you keep rejecting them you… You don’t wanna guess what’ll happen.

Riddle… Deuce… Why isn’t anybody coming?! Even if Riddle left for a moment he should be back, even then someone would’ve checked up on us…! Where… where…?!

“Won’t you heal me, nurse?“

This was so stupid! I should’ve come in with Riddle, or told him to come in with me! With how quickly I rushed in I didn't bring any of my weapons I’m…!

Your knees give out beneath you, falling onto the floor while the twins followed you down. Your fingers reach towards Jade, pulling his limb close to your mouth. The two of them smile at you, watching carefully each movement with an overabundance of joy.

Your lips make contact with the skin of his wrist. You don’t focus on the texture of his hand, only putting all your attention on this task.

“It still hurts dear, I would like more.“

This is humiliating.

“Shrimpy’s cute kissin’ you like that, I wanna take another bite.“

You keep going with Jade, placing more kisses on that one wrist before transferring to the next one.

Someone… Anyone please…!

Floyd leans into the side of your neck, the side completely clean and, un-marked. His mouth opened and his hot breath coated the skin of your side. You don’t stop your assault on Jade's hands, only acting as if Floyd isn’t readying himself to bite you again.

I’m gonna die. These two are gonna kill me.

To your right, wind blows next to you, the brighter light of the hallways illuminating into the room.

Someone… Someone came…! I’m free…!

“Rid–!... dle…?“

“You two… You couldn’t wait any longer than 20 minutes could you?!“

A man wearing a black hoodie and surgical mask walks in, the baseball cap and sunglasses covering any distinguishing traits he could possess.

“Ah, seems we forgot. Forgive us Azul.“

“It's not our fault you took so long, it wasn’t fun waitin’, we just wanted to mess with Shrimpy for a bit, s’not fair you got to play while we were locked in here.“

No… No…!

It’s been years since you’ve seen the con man. His looks have changed, but, he’s still the same it seems.

Hopefully… he doesn’t work out. Distantly, you can remember a point in time when you had wrestled Azul during your school years, albeit it was more of a surprise attack than an actual fight. You won against him.

Against the twins, even in NRC they had insane strength, so directly fighting them would’ve been a death wish, but with Azul, you might have a chance.

You pull all your leftover strength into your calves, pushing yourself up from the space between Floyd and Jade, ready to throw yourself at the man.

Before you even have a chance you’re pulled back down as a needle is pointed at your face. Jade's hand is tightly wrapped around your throat as Floyd’s arms squeeze around your waist.

“It’s rude to leave in the middle of a ‘party’ Is that not what you said to us back then?”

“You guys are leaving? Why?! A… special meeting? But I made all of you presents…! Look, I spent so much time making little eels and even an octopus…! Don’t go yet—! Oh, you’re not…? Great!”

“Where… Where’s Riddle…? Deuce…? Please I need to know—”

“They’re alive. Just asleep.” Azuls eyes look to the side, a little red blob reflected on his lenses when he turns.

“Really…? Good good…”

“But only if you behave.” His leather shoes take a few steps forward before kneeling down, his eyes scanning your body. Mostly unharmed, besides the vicious bite Floyd left on you. “Floyd did you really—” his eyes pinch together before his finger massages the nose of his bridge, the most exhausted exhale leaving his mouth at the sight,” It's… whatever, unless you two wanna stay on death row we have to go now.”

My best choice is to let them go, I'm unarmed and no one else is coming so… I’ll just use the building's cameras to figure out what they plan to do next.

“You guys can leave, no ones… no one’s going to stop you—” your body is lifted into the air, your stomach having the sharp pain of a shoulder blade driving into it.”w-wait stop…!” your legs kick and flail all around, but the hold Floyd has on your body doesn’t falter for a second.

Before you can lift your arms to hit him from behind, Jade locks them together using a spare pair of handcuffs he stole off Riddle’s unconscious body. His finger plays with the chain between the cuffs as a smirk plays on his lips at your struggle.

“I wouldn’t advise it.” His finger makes your hands move up and down before hooking the underside with his index. He doesn’t let up, successfully locking your hand from further use.

“We have 10 minutes to drive out of here, you two are lucky this place is on the edge of town.”

No… Please…!

Before you leave the room, your eyes take a glance at Riddle's body. It’s only a slight bit of movement, but you can see him stir up, his head turning to face the doorway.

He can’t move. It’s over.

The last thing you see before being swept away is the bright red of his pupils widening at the sight of you bitten and taken.

“[Name]… Stop… Don’t take…!”

A quick glance is all it takes before his eyes shut close again, the last thing his vision pieces together being the sight of your form carried away from view. The tall silhouettes of Jade and Floyd shrouding in shadows as they leave through the doors, the hooded figure waving his hand before following behind. The trail of officers littered behind them is a sad sight.

As they leave, their disappearance will leave a stir in their community, all that’s left being the view of their successful escape.

“[Name] [Last], missing, please call 911 if any leads.”

———

This is leaning towards heavier dark tones than what I usually write, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway <3

[coffeeman777]

This is for all of my follwers/mutuals who are Christians:

I want to preface this by saying that what I'm about to share with you is only to ask you for prayer. I don't want favors, and I'm not looking for a handout. We need God to open a door for us, and so I beg you, please pray for us.

We moved to Florida coming on three years ago. We came here primarily because we believed God was leading us here. In various ways, we believed God confirmed His will for us, and so I left a great job and we sold a great house to move here. We have been opposed in every way imaginable since.

Days after moving down, Lisa and I were in a terrible car accident that we only walked away from by God's grace. We were rear-ended by an Edible Arrangements delivery truck on the highway, and Lisa sustained significant injuries that are still causing us major problems. The franchise owner was operating their delivery vehicle without insurance, and I've learned since that they shut down their Edible Arrangements franchise and took off, leaving us holding the bag.

I've been in armed security since I got out of the Marines, and in New Hampshire, that was enough to take care of myself and my family. But it isn't in Florida. The pay for most armed security gigs here is super low, and I haven't been able to find work comparable to what I had in New Hampshire. So I tried to change courses.

I earned my personal trainer certification through the National Academy of Sports Medicine, but couldn't make it as a trainer. I made the attempt to go back to college and get a degree and certification as a paramedic, but after months of jumping through hoops, that fell through. I went back to New Hampshire by myself and spent six months away from my family to try to earn enough money working both my old job and a second job, but that plan didn't work because hours were limited with both gigs, and each job wanted me to work overlapping hours; I couldn't make the schedules line up.

My incredibly generous parents-in-law offered to pay our bills so that I could come back to Florida and try a new plan. I went to a CDL training course to get into trucking. After the very long and very expensive process, I finally got my CDL-A. While I was working on that, a random disagreement between my health insurance company and the medical supplier that issued me my cpap (I have sleep apnea) resulted in the supplier demanding that I give them the machine back. It took from middle February to early June for me to get another cpap. The end result is that, as of today, I have just under two months of cpap usage data. I discovered only after getting my CDL that no trucking company will hire me with less than 90 days of cpap usage data.

I've been pre-hired and subsequently turned away from three different trucking companies since I got my CDL over the cpap nonsense (one of which told me that what I had for cpap usage was fine, only to tell me on the first day of orientation that it actually wasn't fine, and they had to let me go). It's going to be another month before I can get started with any trucking company, and I'm concerned that I'll have to go to refresher training, which will only increase the months of time I'll have to spend as a trainee with whatever company hires me, which means it will be a long time before I make enough money to survive.

My in-laws can't continue paying our bills, and although I've had a half dozen low paying jobs in this time just to be bringing in something, now I'm struggling to get anything. I've applied to more jobs than I can remember, and I can't get any traction. Not even Domino's will call me back. Our backs are up against a wall.

My first payment for the money I borrowed to pay for CDL school was due almost a month ago, and I haven't been able to pay it (I had to get financing because my GI Bill expired and the VA ignored my request for an extension). Rent is almost 2k a month. We can't afford groceries (we've been living off of food pantries).

I don't know what to do. I've been crying out to God for an open door, but so far nothing has happened. My in-laws are just about tapped out, and in my mind, the only thing worse than wrecking my own family financially is dragging them down with me.

Please pray for us. Please pray for God to give us an open door, or some understanding of what to do next. I know God didn't bring us here to let us die. God is good, and God keeps His promises. God is perfect, and righteous, and just in all His ways. God has promised that He will turn about all things for the good of them that love Him. I know God has not abandoned us, and that when the time is right, God will make a way.

I say again, I am not looking for favors or begging for money. I know all of us are really going through it right now. All I want from you is prayer. Please pray intensely for us.

Thanks, I love you all.

[natalievoncatte]

Lena didn’t mean to overhear. She was at the bar to grab a drink, and was taking it when she noticed Kara and Alex conspiring intently together. It was a private moment, a sister moment, so she shouldn’t have listened, and yet she did anyway.

“I’m sorry, Alex. I don’t want to ruin your wedding.”

“You’re not, kiddo. This isn’t the wedding, this is just a little night out. I’ll be happy if we get through the ceremony without a bridge collapse or an alien invasion or whatever.”

Everyone was having a good time. Kelly was with James, who’d come in from out of town for the ceremony tomorrow. Nia leaned back to Brainy as she made a giggling attempt to hit the dart board. The other guests were milling about, mingling and chatting and getting tipsy.

Lena felt more than a little maudlin, because Kara was hanging with Alex and that left Lena alone in the crowd.

“I’m so happy for you,” Kara was saying, “I just hope I get it myself some day.”

“You’ll find someone, Kara. You’re a beautiful, amazing person- not Supergirl, you.”

Lena pretended not to notice them, nursing her scotch. (A double, neat)

“That’s just it,” Kara choked out. “There is someone, Alex. There already is. She just won’t ever want me like I want her.”

Lena looked up in absolute shock and at the absolutely, perfectly wrong time. Alex’s eyes met hers, her expression as shocked as Lena’s was.

Rushing away from the bar, Lena headed for the pinball machines, not looking back. She downed the rest of her scotch in a coal-hot rush and it only added to the churning in her belly. She swallowed hard and her throat was instantly dry, and she cursed the afterburn of the liquor.

“You heard her.”

Lena wheeled. Alex was standing behind her, a beer in either hand. She handed one to Lena.

“You know what they say about liquor after beer,” said Lena.

“Lena, we both have advanced degrees and we both know that’s bullshit.”

That was good, because Lena downed half the brew in one long pull.

“Jesus,” said Alex. “I was trying to get you to slow down.”

“Yeah, well,” said Lena. “I’m Irish.”

Alex snorted. “You’re deflecting. You heard what she said.”

“Maybe.”

Alex rolled her eyes. “I’ve been through five fucking years of this and I’ve had enough, Lena.”

“Enough of what?”

“Kara’s wrong about your feelings.”

Lena blinked, took another pull. “How do you know she means me?”

Alex looked at her flatly.

“How do I know it’s you? Because she always rescues you. She’s always defended you. She gave you chance after chance and never gave up even when you were at your worst. Kara would die for you. A fifth dimensional imp offered to grant her wish and she didn’t wish for her planet or her parents or to have our dad back. She wished for you. For a second chance.”

“Fifth dimensional what?”

“She reversed time for you, Lena.”

Lena gaped at her.

“What do you mean? She did what?”

“She made me swear never to tell. There was a time when she was too slow, when she was already in the middle of a disaster when you got shot. She’s the only one who remembers that timeline because she fixed it. She flew at superluminal speed and went backwards in time so she could be in two places at once. Apparently a Kryptonian can do that, but she swears it can only be done the one time.”

Lena’s beer was sloshing in the bottle from the shaking of her hands.

“For God’s sake, Lena. I know you’re in love with her. You two had a bad breakup without even dating first. You spent a billion dollars to hang out with her at work. You filled her office with flowers. You let her in, you let her bring you into our family, and you forgave her for doing something really fucked up and you forgave me for pushing her to do it.”

Alex clapped a hand on her shoulder.

“Lena, sack up and go get your girl. She’s at the bar crying into a Shirley Temple because I cut her off. She’s waiting for you.”

Lena stared at her.

“Alex, I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t need to say anything. Go. Get. Her.”

Lena looked at her beer, downed the last of it, and gave Alex a curt nod, marching past her.

Kara was sitting at the bar. She was dressed in skinny jeans and a loose N’Sync t-shirt and leather sandals. She was among friends here and had removed her glasses, her hair in a sloppy ponytail. She looked like she’d rather sulk at home than party.

Lena hopped on the stool next to her.

“Hey.”

“Hi, Lee. Having fun?”

“Not really,” said Lena. She waved the bartender away as he approached to offer her another drink. “I’m kind of down honestly.”

“Weddings always depress me,” said Lena. “Watching other people get all the happiness I’ll never have, basking in their joy for a while. It’s like sitting by the fire in someone else’s house, but eventually you have to go home to your own and it’s empty.”

Kara’s eyes glittered with tears. “Yeah. It does feel like that, doesn’t it?”

Lena rested her hand on Kara’s wrist.

“May I have this dance?”

Kara looked up sharply.

“This isn’t really a dancing kind of place.”

Lena snorted. “I’m a billionaire. I can do what I want.”

She slipped off her stool and offered Kara a hand.

Kelly and Alex had reunited. They were talking animatedly, and Alex pointed at Lena. Suddenly she rushed over to the jukebox as Lena took Kara’s hand and led her to an open space.

The music changes to Wonderful Tonight. Eric Clapton.

Lena was going to kill Alex.

“Huh,” said Kara.

It seemed natural that Kara would lead, being taller and more graceful by far, but Lena put a hand on her hip and rested the other on her shoulder, wondering if Kara could feel her pounding pulse through her palms.

It started with them like middle schoolers, half a foot awkwardly apart, movements jerky, but it quickly changed. Lena didn’t know who bridged that gap first but soon they were pressed body to body, Kara tilted forward to rest her forehead against Lena’s.

Lena went from chastely pressing a guiding hand to Kara’s flank to an arm looped lazily around her hips, hand resting gently against her ass. Her other hand moved from Kara’s shoulder to her neck, thumb grazing Kara’s jawline.

Kara, hesitantly, reciprocated, less dancing with Lena and more swaying with her in a meandering hug. They were so close that Lena’s head swam.

“Do you remember when you first got back from the Phantom Zone?”

“I don’t think I’ll ever forget,” said Kara. “When I came back and I saw you standing there, I could barely take it. You looked like an angel.”

Lena nodded gently, nudging closer to Kara until she could feel the presence of the other woman’s lips without touching.

“You looked like you wanted to kiss me.”

Kara’s entire body went briefly rigid, then relaxed.

“You could have,” Lena whispered. “You could have and I’d have kissed you back. I swear I can think of a dozen times when you were about to kiss me and I wanted it right then, I wanted it so bad.”

Kara choked back a small sob. “I remember the first time I thought about it. It was when Morgan Edge was framing you and you were so upset, you were crying. You were so sad and beautiful and soft and I wanted to kiss you right then. I wanted to make you feel better any way I could.”

“That would have been a great time.”

Kara laughed. “That would have been a good time. Maybe the best time.”

“The second best time is now.”

Lena looked up. They were holding each other now and Lena knew there were eyes on them, that their friends were watching.

Kara didn’t seem to notice or care. There was a fresh sparkle in her eyes, wide and nervous, her lips trembling in a half smile. She didn’t seem to know what to make of what Lena said, perhaps questioning if she’d heard right.

Poor Kara, her Kara, would find any excuse to steal the happiness from her own hands, to martyr herself, to seek penance for a crime that she never committed. Lena knew her guilt, felt in sing in her own soul like a kind of magnetic resonance.

Lena Luthor did not believe in silly things like soulmates or fate or destined lovers.

But she believed in Kara Danvers, and Kara Danvers kissed her. Lena barely registered it at first, so gentle was the brushing of Kara’s soft lips against her own. She gave Kara no chance to retreat into embarrassment or confusion, kissing her back so intensely that there could be no mistaking the intent. When she did, it was like seeing the stars for the first time, and a pleasant warmth pooled low in the cradle of her hips.

Kissing Kara felt like coming home.

They were staring at each other. Lena drank the sight of Kara staring at her, shocked expression full of an elation, a pure excited joy that magnified her stunning beauty a thousandfold until Lena thought she might die of pure love for this woman that she held in her arms. She went in for another kiss and this time, neither hesitated.

Alex’s voice cut through it all. “Hey, you two. Get a room.”

She was by the jukebox, grinning ear to ear despite Kelly’s scowl. Before either of them could react, Alex dropped a coin in the jukebox and played… the fucking Macarena.

“I don’t know whether to murder her or send her a gift basket,” Lena snapped.

Kara curled a finger around Lena’s chin and their eyes locked.

“Maybe we should get a room,” Kara whispered.

Lena swallowed hard.

“What are we waiting for?”

Kara took her hand, and stuck out her tongue at her sister as they left the bar.

[saphronethaleph]

Longform Statistical Analysis

“Master Nu,” Windu said, with a smile. “It’s nice to see you in the Council Chambers once more.”

“Thank you,” the librarian replied, inclining her head. “Unfortunately, I bring dire news.”

“...you do?” Windu asked, worried now. “What kind of dire news?”

“Dire news coming out of the library is usually either trivial or an absolute disaster,” Ki-Adi-Mundi contributed. “Which is it, so we can decide how worried to be?”

“Quite possibly, both,” Nu told him. “To summarize… Masters, two years ago we discovered that the Sith were not extinct. With this in mind, I have been engaged on a long-term project – I evaluated data about the discovery, admittance, tenure and ultimate loss of every single Jedi for which we have data. Every one in our archives.”

“Now I understand why it took so long,” Even Piell said. “In fact, I credit your skills for taking so little time. That must have been… what, a thousand years… there are ten thousand knights now… hundreds of thousands of Jedi total?”

“Around that,” Nu confirmed. “But the problem is… this. This is the number of active Jedi at any one time, during the first hundred years after Ruusan.”

Her holoprojector activated, showing a kind of flow diagram made out of strands of light. Light yellow marked those newly discovered and accepted as initiates, green padawans, blue for knights and purple marked those who were masters. The tiny Order, wounded but triumphant in the years immediately after Ruusan, was reborn and swelled as it gained more members and those members it had reached greater degrees of Mastery.

“Two hundred years,” Nu went on, as the diagram swelled and zoomed out. The growth was slower now, harder to see on the same scale, but the Order pulsed in colours of green and blue and purple as the Golden Age of the Republic continued.

“...you said this was dire?” Adi Gallia asked.

“We’ll get there,” Nu said, accelerating the projection a little.

As it ran forwards, decade after decade passing by until it approached the present, Master Yaddle leaned forwards in her seat.

She wasn’t the only one. It was subtle, almost imperceptible, but the Jedi Order – which had swelled to enormous, triumphant scale during the Golden Age – had begun to contract again.

By the time it reached the present day, it still possessed deep reserves of strength, but the colouring was… just a little different. The purple of Mastery was less common, though the blues and greens of Knighthood and Padawan were still fully present, and Nu manipulated her controls a bit more.

A second strand appeared, this one much thinner and more intermittent. And, as time tracked towards the present, it went from a shading of mostly blue hundreds of years ago to shades that were a little more green.

“This is the members of our Order who left our ranks due to their death,” Nu explained. “While the differences year-to-year are so minor that I would hesitate to describe them as meaningful, when given the long view and looked at in aggregate the effect is clear.”

She folded her arms. “The Sith faced by Knight Kenobi is the anomaly – an open Sith attack which makes no pretensions as to what they are. This is what I would call a true threat, Councillors. Not a single Sith who seeks to kill individual Jedi in a duel, but a centuries-long program of gradual, subtle, pervasive damage to the Jedi Order, chiefly through the loss of Padawans before they become Knights.”

“You think the Sith are behind this?” Ki-Adi-Mundi asked.

“Behind any given casualty?” Nu asked. “...no. I have no proof I could offer, though a detailed examination of the loss of any given Padawan may conclude that there was some other factor behind their death. Behind the whole pattern? I think it’s quite possible, Master Mundi. We know the Sith can plot and plan for something for a thousand years, and there are only two targets for such a plot that make any sense – ourselves, and the Republic.”

She met the gaze of each councillor in turn. “If this is not due to the Sith, my friends, then we must ask ourselves – what is? They have been doing something for ten centuries and we know nothing about it.”

After a slightly dismayed silence, Yoda tapped his gimmer stick on the floor.

“Much to think about, we have,” he said. “Master Nu – more to say, have you?”

“Yes,” Nu replied. “My presentation, I hope, serves as a reminder that the Sith did not appear out of nowhere two years ago. They have been doing things over the last thousand years, and it is quite possible that we have run into their machinations without identifying them as such… it would be a great mistake to generalize from the Sith defeated by Knight Kenobi.”

“...hmm,” Windu said, frowning. “During the interrogations of Nute Gunray. He said that his actions were based on a shadowy figure pressing him to get a treaty signed by Queen Amidala of the Naboo. That treaty would have benefitted the Trade Federation, but nobody else.”

“The wording of the treaty, benefit the Trade Federation, it would,” Yaddle said. “The existence of the treaty – benefit someone else, perhaps?”

In his office, Sheev Palpatine paused halfway through reading a law.

He had the strange feeling that he’d just been betrayed by his greatest ally. But that was nonsense, since the closet thing he had left to a true ally was paperwork…

[uyuforu]

Uyu's Astrological Observations III

₊˚⊹♡ It's so easy to recognize Aquarius placements on instagram, just look at James Deen's Instagram. You will instantly understand why.

₊˚⊹♡ I realized that Saturn in 7H Solar Return Chart is also about limits in relationships, and in this case you could find it hard to find someone else than your crush that year for example. Or your ex. No one seems better. If you are in a relationship, you could find that you are literally only interested in them. Which is a good thing!

₊˚⊹♡ Vertex in 7H in a Solar Return can be a sign of meeting someone that will become very important in your life.

₊˚⊹♡ The more I see people's SR Charts, the more I see many people of different age getting married between 2026-2028. (why?)

₊˚⊹♡ My Juno is in Scorpio 2H 26° (Taurus house & degree), my FS's Juno is also in Scorpio, and he is Taurus rising. His Juno is also in 2H and 2° (both Taurus placements). My Groom is in my 10H, and my FS's Groom falls in his 10H too. My FS's Briede is in Gemini, and my Briede is in my 3H. It also conjuncts my Moon.

₊˚⊹♡ Scorpio placements NEVER forget, and they can hold grudges forever. My grandma has a Scorpio stellium, she has been deceived by a friend when she was a child, and decided to NEVER again trust people too much. She never got a best friend because it.

₊˚⊹♡ The moon persona chart can really tell you about stuff you never realized or stuff you never wanted to accept about yourself.

₊˚⊹♡ Moon/ Cancer/ or Moon influences over the 7H= marrying someone younger than you, or marrying at a young age

₊˚⊹♡ Some people's Juno and Groom/ Briede happen to be the same person, but not for everyone. Juno represents your ideal partner, it has more of a spiritual link and destiny vibe. Some people marry someone they don't have any soul attachment to.

₊˚⊹♡ Saturn/ Capricorn/ or Saturn influences over the 7H= marrying someone older than you, or marrying when you are older.

₊˚⊹♡ Men attracted to women often have their Briede PC looking identical to their wife's Natal Chart.

₊˚⊹♡ My Parents had Vertex in the 5H Composite, and they had a baby (me)

₊˚⊹♡ But they also had Briede and Groom in 3H, they were indeed engaged but never married. And their 7H is empty.

₊˚⊹♡ My step mother's sun also fall in their 9H, conjuncting Chiron. My dad left my mom for her.

₊˚⊹♡ If you want to see if it's gonna work out with someone, don't only check basic synastry, composite, etc. But also Persona Chart synastry! For example, check Boda PC Synastry, and see if your weddings are "the same".

₊˚⊹♡ Gemini Sun on Boda Persona Chart could indicate having two weddings (just a theory)

₊˚⊹♡ In my DSC Persona Chart, my FS's Natal sun fall in the 7H in that PC. My DSC PC's Juno is in the 7H too, and so also conjuncting his Natal Sun.

₊˚⊹♡ Let's talk about the Union PC, it's not something very known.

₊˚⊹♡ Uranus in my Union PC is in 9H in Aquarius, and I met my FS online first and then in a foreign country where technology is pretty advanced. It was also a sudden meeting!

₊˚⊹♡ The rising of my Union PC is Gemini 22°, and when I met my FS, our meeting was very organized, and I didn't know if it was a date or not, so I was a bit cold and detached. But we met in a foreign country, and I was speaking in a foreign language (English).

₊˚⊹♡ Groom in my Union PC is in Leo 25° (Aries), and my FS was flirty, and very showing off when we met. It's also in 3H, he was a true rizz. Also conjuncting Venus, he REALLY wanted to seduce me. He went hard, it was so obvious lmao.

₊˚⊹♡ This could also explain why my Briede in this PC is in Capricorn, and I was cold and detached lol. His rizz was a turn off.

₊˚⊹♡ Speaking of synastry in Union PC, my Sun there is in Virgo, and in my FS Union PC, Briede is in Virgo. In his Union PC, his Sun is in Leo, and in my Union PC, Groom is in Leo.

₊˚⊹♡ My FS's rising in Union PC is the same as his NC, and Cancer is over the 4H. We met in his homeland, where he was born.

₊˚⊹♡ Also, his Natal North Node conjunct his North Node in Union PC, meaning the meeting with his FS is part of his destiny.

₊˚⊹♡ Our Union also conjunct each other in Union PC Synastry.

₊˚⊹♡ My Briede in Union PC falls in his 11H, and his Groom in Union PC falls in my 11H. We met online first.

₊˚⊹♡ My father had a pretty intense and sometimes toxic relationship with his ex-wife, my step mother, and her sun was in his 8H, conjuncting Chrion... 😬

₊˚⊹♡ My father also has Part of Fortune in the 9H and it conjuncts his MC. He travels for work.

₊˚⊹♡ My father had 3 children: my sun falls in his 12H and he was an absent father figure in my life. My brother's sun falls in his 3H, and they tell the same joke, have the same way to talk. They have a lot in common when it comes to topics to discuss. And my sisters's sun fall in his 5H, she is the favorite child.

₊˚⊹♡ My Sun conjunct my mother's Ceres, and she is very protective of me.

₊˚⊹♡ I noticed a lot of people have North Node retrogrades. It usually means they think they are going to struggle to meet their destiny. For example: my FS has scorpio 7H North Node. And he has this thought that he will never marry.

₊˚⊹♡ I don't know much about Astrocartography, but I have been studying it a little recently. I realized that my Sun DC line and North Node DC line falls on the place I met my FS ;-;

₊˚⊹♡ I also checked my FS' Astrocartography and he got his North Node DC on the place we met lol.

₊˚⊹♡ I was Scorpio rising in my SRC of the year a lot of guys wanted to be intimate with me.

₊˚⊹♡ This year SRC I am Leo rising, and I met a lot of guys who happens to have crush on me. It's insane, I feel popular ;-;

₊˚⊹♡ Im not a big fan of Moon conjunct Sun in Synastry, but because it either the best or worst relationship ever. I realized every people who have my moon sign as their sun, we never get along, they hate me while we never truly talked. But, people who have my sun sign as their moon actually annoy me lmao? I guess the sun sign feels threaten by the moon sign embodying their energy?

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*This is the only email address I have!

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[kookslastbutton]

When I Say Forever ༓ jjk (m)

✑ Summary: Today’s your wedding day and the slightly shy yet handsome, doe-eyed stranger who chased after you when you dropped your wallet on the street three years ago just happens to be the man standing before you today.

Original request: can you please write something about oc's and Jungkook's wedding? Your readers just need to witness it. We would highly appreciate it. Thank you!

pairing: jungkook x reader

genre/AU: fluff, smut, wedding au

word count: 4,696

warnings: a cute wedding where jungkook gets emotional and is very eager to be married, they get a little scolded during the ceremony ahaha, jk is romantic and prepares something very special for his lovely bride, mentions of absence of parents on oc's side (nothing gets too deep but I chose to go this route due to the very real factor that parents aren't always around), and finally sexual content bc come on it their wedding night 🥺

sexual warnings: soft dom!jk, sub!reader, swearing, explicit s*x, jk asks for consent bc yeah i don't even need to justify it, f*ngering, oral (both m. and f., multiple orgasms, dry humping, t*tty suck, heavy making out, overstimulation, possessive!kook, m*ssionary, c*wgirl, oc claws at his back which jk seems to have a kink for, a little bit of steamy rivalry at the end (just a hint), our kook is attentive even though it gets kinda rough

now playing: My You by jjk

a/n: my you has been one of my on repeat songs and im not sorry. Also, thank you for the request, i hope this is alright! Anyway pls enjoy! ❤

Dozens of cherry blossom trees are sky-high in the air, covering you as you walk down the aisle in the grass. Some of the blush pink and white blossoms shake from branches every few steps to shower over you in a cascading effect. The temperature is also perfect, a steady 68 degrees.

This is why you and Jungkook chose to marry in the spring–it was beautiful.

You look to your left, then to your right. Rows of seats filled with family, friends, and co-workers stare at you in awe. The only two people missing, however, are your parents.

With the passing of your father years ago and your mother's absence in your life since then, your half of the guest list isn’t extensive by any means. It's for those reasons that you both agreed a small wedding would be ideal.

Still, even with the minimized guest list, you find it difficult to hold eye contact with any of them. It's not because you're nervous exactly–you simply don’t believe your reality is real.

Was this another one of your silly dreams?

Are you going to wake up just as you reach the front?

You keep your eyes straight ahead and towards the man who's waiting for you with tightly clasped hands. He makes all your worries melt away in that instant.

No, you remind yourself. This isn't a dream.

The veil you’re wearing drags on the ground behind you and flows over the small train of your delicate, white gown. You chose a form-fitting sheath dress that’s made from the softest satin fabric. Its clean, sharp lines allow the semi-deep-v neckline to appear more elegant than revealing.

The closer you get the more Jungkook’s cheeks wet with his tears. He knew he was going to cry today. But he was hoping it’d happen towards the end so he could see you walking down the aisle to him without his vision blurring.

“Hi,” he whispers to you once you’re fully in front of him. He wipes his face with his thumbs as subtly as he can.

You bow to each other in greeting and, with the request to join hands from your officiant, you hand your bouquet of fresh-cut flowers to your maid of honor and place your hands in his gentler ones.

“Hi,” you reply, equally quiet and with a small smile.

Jungkook’s dark, raven hair parts in the middle with a few strands tastefully out of place. He’s wearing a black, pin-stripped suit with a matching vest and plain black tie. The white dress shirt underneath is buttoned all the way up to the top too and he’s kept all his piercings in, including his lip ring. He’s unbelievably handsome–and he’s yours.

When your officiant begins making the welcome speech, the guests settle down in their seats all at once. Yet you and Jungkook keep whispering to each other as softly as you can.

“You look amazing.” His thumbs rub soothing circles over the top of your knuckles.

“So do you.” Your gaze holds his reddened ones. The fact that he’s still on the verge of tears causes you to form watery eyes as well. But you blink them back. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

“I know. I feel the same way.” He pauses and grins at you. “Did you see who came with whom?” He gives a side-eye, gesturing at Jimin, one of his best men.

“I saw.” You and Jungkook start giggling at once because the person who Jimin brought as his plus one is perhaps the most annoying person in the world to him–your co-worker who’s had an insane crush on him for the last year. They insisted that Jimin be a “gentleman” and show them a good time while at your wedding.

“Do you think they’ll…you know,” you wiggle your eyebrows suggestively to finish the sentence.

Jungkook shakes his head lightly. “I don’t know, maybe. I can’t really bother to think about who’ll sleep with who when you’re gonna be the one under me tonight.”

Though he says it with the most sincere tone, more endearing than flirty, you swallow hard. It’s not your first time with Jungkook but you’re unsure what to expect tonight. You’ll be his wife after this.

“Why do you get to top?” you mouth.

Jungkook gives a half-smirk.“Why do you pretend to hate it?”

You open your mouth to form a response but the harsh clearing of a throat behind Jungkook orders you to stop.

“Everyone-ahem-can hear you,” Taehyung coughs. “Stop it for god sake.”

“Yes, if the bride and groom could please save the after-wedding affairs for later, we can move forward with the ceremony. Thankfully I don't see many children in the crowd today,” the officiant adds as humorously as she can and the crowd chuckles.

Oh god. You bite down on your tongue to keep from embarrassing the two of you further.

Once your officiant is able to finish her welcome speech she turns her attention to you. "__ do you want to marry Jungkook, to be your husband, to love and to cherish all the days of your life, today, tomorrow, and always? 

"I do. Yes."

She looks at Jungkook afterward. "Jungkook do you want to marry __, to be your wife, to love and to cherish all the days of your life, today, tomorrow, and always? 

He stares at you, wordless for a moment as every memory between the two of you hits him like a tidal wave. His hand starts shaking in yours, and tears start spilling from his eyes again.

"You okay?" You whisper and this time it's your turn to rub soothing circles on his hands, calming him down.

"Yeah," he sniffs. "I just never imagined myself to be standing here today. I love you so much."

Your officiant decides it's best to wait for the right time to speak but Jungkook smiles at her softly. "That means yes by the way," he jokes and the guests laugh in unison.

She turns to the ring bearer, aka Namjoon's eight-year-old son who stands on Jungkook's left by his father. "May we have the rings please?"

The boy walks over to her, hands over the small gold bands, then returns to his previous position.

"The couple will now exchange rings as a symbol of their love and devotion. I understand they have prepared their own vows thus binding promises to love, honor, and cherish one another. __, please place this ring on Jungkook’s finger and when you're ready you may begin."

You take the ring and begin slipping it on Jungkook's finger. "They say when you marry someone you become one. You consider each other in every decision, make compromises for the other, and be the strength when the other cannot. We've been together for three years now Jungkook, doing those exact things and I couldn't fathom stopping now. I love you and I promise I'll always be here next to you, however and whenever you need."

"Jungkook," your officiant hands him your ring. "Please place this ring on __’s finger and when you're ready you may begin."

"When I saw you years ago, waiting at the crosswalk, I thought you were the most beautiful and intriguing person I'd ever seen in my life." He puts the ring on your fourth finger. "And then you dropped your wallet and it gave me the best opportunity to approach you. Little did I know, the sight of a man running after would make you run too. But you took my number in the end and three years later, the love of my life is standing before me. Everything I am and have belongs to you __, always and forever."

Your officiant smiles at you both as Jungkook struggles to keep his distance from you a few seconds longer. He's been waiting for this very moment since the day you agreed to be his boyfriend. He just can't take it any longer!

"In the presence of...oh for the love of might," your officiant stops mid-sentence when she sees Jungkook shuffling his feet closer and closer towards you. "Never in my twenty years of performing marriages have I seen a groom this eager to get married. Go ahead and kiss your wife hun! Mr. and Mrs. Jeon Jungkook everyone!"

Massive grin on his face, Jungkook grabs your waist and dips you low into a romantic kiss. The crowd goes wild at the dramatic gesture, whistling and clapping behind you.

After about a million more tears, speeches, first dances, a surprise song preformed by the wedding party, and Jungkook practically ripping off the lace garter around your thigh with his teeth, the wedding festivities come to an end. But not before you both find yourself being guided to a secret place led by Taehyung.

The wedding party insisted you be blindfolded beforehand. So here you are, almost pitch black out and clinging to Jungkook's arm.

"I don't understand why I need to be blindfolded and you don't," you say.

"I'm not sure," he replies. "Maybe they got you a gift or something."

"We're here! Stop!" You hear Taehyung shout from a few feet ahead and Jungkook freezes in place. You're body jolts forward a little with the sudden pause.

"__." Jungkook calls your name softly. "Open your eyes."

You flutter your lids open and at first, the sight before you is hazy as you adjust to the night sky. But then, your jaw drops to the ground.

In front of you is a charming river surrounded by perfectly arched cherry blossoms with lanterns hanging from the branches. All the lanterns illuminate the entire length of the stream, including around the bends and curves. At the edge of the stream is a small dock where a wooden row boat floats with a set of oars inside.

"Oh my god." Your eyes trail as far down the river as you can. You've only ever seen this in movies, so you're incredibly overwhelmed by the sight. "Jungkook, are we-are we going in there?"

He watches as you openly gape at the scene in front of you. "What do you think? Do you like it?"

You whip your head in his direction. "Are you kidding? It's amazing! Did you know about this?"

His big grin tells you everything you need to know.

"He planned everything himself," Namjoon speaks up. "Come on, your boat's waiting. It'll take you all the way to one of the best hotels in Seoul. I know you're going on your honeymoon tomorrow but we thought a night up in a five-star hotel might be nice. Unless you want to go back to Jungkook's house of course but...we kinda already grabbed your suitcases for the trip and had them put in your room."

"You're serious?"

"Dead serious __."

You snake your arms out Jungkook's arm and swing them around him. "I can't thank you enough for doing this, Joon."

He places a gentle hand on your upper back. "Of course, but like I said. Jungkook planned everything so you should thank him more than me." He laughs and breaks away from you when he sees the younger man eyeing the two of you excruciatingly close. "I think your husband would like you back now."

Jungkook comes up behind you and sneakily slips your hand in his tatted one. "Are you ready?" He gestures towards the boat.

You nod and he pulls you towards the dock, helping you into the boat first when you approach it. He sits across from you after and grabs the oars of the boats, lowering them into the water one at a time.

"Wait!" Taehyung lunges over the edge of the boat with something small and black in his palm. "Don't forget this." He clips a tiny microphone to his shirt and you scrunch your eyebrows.

"What's this about?" You ask.

Taehyung only half-smirks at you and backs away from the boat. "We'll see you when you come back from the honeymoon okay? Have fun! But please, for the sanity of us all, don't text us any details. In the words of the wise, keep the private things private!"

Jungkook laughs and starts rowing the boat forward and down the stream. You, on the other hand, wave goodbye to everyone as you drift further and further away from the dock.

"So, husband," you sit with your elbows on your knees. "What's the mic for?"

Jungkook doesn't reply but shushes you instead. He tests the mic a couple of times before soft music comes from either side of you. Apparently, there are stereos lined down the banks of the river.

When he starts singing, you cover your mouth in overwhelming joy.

"Summer has already spread in the air

Breeze is already blowing.

The last cold snap is going out

The days were getting longer and longer

But my days were still going on and on and on

I got wet in the sunshower, I looked up at the night sky..."

At this moment the lanterns start twinkling, reflecting like raindrops in the water. You look all around you, taking in the change of atmosphere. Jungkook's cool eyes focus on you intently as he continues serenading you.

"It was quite a lonely night

In the blink of an eye, the dark faded out

Blooming under the sunlight

Memories with me and you..."

The boat rows left and you peer over your shoulder. Taehyung and the rest of the wedding party are barely visible by now. When you look ahead again, you see that you're about to go under a stone bridge. On the other side are more cherry blossom trees and a glimpse of downtown Seoul.

"All these lights are colored in by you

All these times are precious due to you

Four seasons have passed with you

Four scents were left 'cause of you

All the reasons why I can laugh out

All the reasons why I sing this song

Thankful to be by your side now

I'll try to shine brighter than now..."

Jungkook rows the two of you closer to the city as he finishes his song, passing a number of other couples taking night strolls together. The wind blows a little but it doesn't make you shiver at all—his voice warms your soul.

And when you lean in to kiss him once the boat reaches the dock near the hotel, fingers grazing his cheeks, your body yearns to be near his.

It takes little to no time for the two of you to find your hotel room. Jungkook swipes your keycard in the door and in you both go, your hand shamelessly yanks at his tie.

He presses you up the back of the door once it's locked shut and kisses you with a fiery passion. It's different from all the other times; neither rough nor soft, as he sucks on your bottom lip, eagerly begging to deepen the kiss.

"Kook," you let out a muffled moan when his tongue finds its way into your mouth. It's a wrestle at first, your tongues toying with each other. And once you get the hint that he's not about to back down you start threading your fingers through his hair.

"I love it when you do that," he groans and pushes himself against your body, grinding his growing bulge against your center.

You whine against his lips and grind your hips back into his. "I know you do," you tease and a strong pair of hands wander your waist before traveling behind to grip your ass.

You yelp when he squeezes your cheeks and starts rutting himself into you faster. He moves his pillowy lips to the side of your neck too, peppering you with kisses from the the sensitive area right below your earlobe and all the way down to your collarbone.

"Fuck," he grunts, nothing short of frustrated, when your dress stops him from kissing down any further. The hands gripping your ass move up to find the zipper of your gown. "Please, baby, can I remove it?"

"Yes, go ahead," you nod and retract your hands from his hair to let the gown fall off your shoulders. Jungkook watches lustfully as your bare breasts are revealed to him little by little. He's seen them a million times but each time is always like his first, his eyes never fail to dilate.

"Perfect," you hear him whisper under his breath. And when the gown pools to the ground around your feet with a heavy thump, he can't hold himself back any longer.

He needs you.

One by one he starts tearing off his suit jacket, then his vest and leather belt until he's left standing in nothing else left except his black underwear. His muscles bulge without even having to flex and his pecs are more than solid.

If he weren't the love of your life, you'd say he was damn intimidating. Yet the pleasure you get from simply viewing his perfectly toned body is ridiculous and what pushes you further is the gold band wrapped around his fourth finger.

Jungkook must be feeling the same as his hands are back on your hips in the seconds following, pushing you to the wall adjacent to the door and attacking the area near your collarbone again with his plushy lips. You whine when his large pecs rub against your pebbled nipples.

"God what have you been lifting these day Jeon? Half of Seoul?" You rest your hands on his biceps which tense at the touch.

"Uh uh," he tsks in response. "Can't call me that anymore. We share the same name now." He kisses your shoulder then moves his mouth over to a nipple. He licks one first, teasing it with the tip of his tongue until you moan for him to keep going.

"You have such soft boobies," he comments before finally sucking on one. Your head falls back from the pleasure it sends up your spine.

"Do you have to say it like that?"

He switches to the other breast, licking and sucking it firmly like the he'd done previously. "What's wrong with boobies? I like the word."

You chuckle and decide to let him have his fun. Pick you battles __, you hum to yourself.

Jungkook tugs at the string of your underwear after placing one last kiss atop each boob. He slowly pulls the thin material down your legs at your consent and you step out from them.

"Lean against the wall and throw your leg over my shoulder," he tells you on bended knees.

You do as he says, swinging a leg over his shoulder. The movement has his head face to face with your cunt which is not in the least bit dry from all the teasing and grinding earlier.

Jungkook sticks a finger in his mouth, wetting it with his spit and then rubs it back and forth between your folds. The lubrication mixes with your own arousal.

"Jungkook," you whine when he doesn't sink his finger in right away, despite the fact that you're well prepared for it.

He blinks at you through his lashes with a devious smirk. "What?" He asks. "You don't like this?"

"I do but I need more. Please," you beg. "Fingers. In me. Please."

He groans at the way your voice seems to crack the more you beg. Well, he's made you wait long enough. Jungkook pushes his finger into your velvet walls all at once, dragging it back and forth in search of your sweet spot.

He knows he's found it when you instantly buck your hips and the leg that's over his shoulder reflexively clamps down on him.

"Right here?" He curls his finger inside you and it has your pussy already throbbing for him. You don't even have to ask for a second finger before he does the honors himself, sliding another into you then proceeding to make a scissoring motion with both digits. "Or here?" He asks again.

"Anywhere," you barely make out through your gasps. "Just don't stop what you're doing."

"What if I wanna lick your pussy?" He pumps his fingers faster all while maintaining focus on your face. "Make you come all over my tongue."

"God Kook, do whatever you want," you reply and it's all the push he needs to remove his fingers from out of you to replace it with his mouth. "Fuck!" You cry as he desperately licks long stripes up your slippery folds, tongue dipping inside for additional pleasure.

He repeats the motion several times until he decides its not enough and sucks on your clit.

"Oh, that feels so good, fuck, fuck Jungkook," you moan with eyes closed and a shaky breath.

Your legs start trembling as your first orgasm of the night builds inside. It gets closer and closer as Jungkook works faster and faster before finally, the cord inside you breaks free.

Jungkook happily swallows as much of your cum as he can. He uses his wrist to wipes his mouth after, cleaning up any leftover.

"First time eating my wife out," he starts, guiding your leg over his shoulder back on the ground. "What a fucking turn on."

Jungkook stands up and pulls you into an embrace with both hands, your bare bodies press tight against each other. Then, without any warning, he swoops up your legs with one hand supporting your lower back and lifts your into his arms.

"Kook!" You call his name in suddeness of the action.

"Yes? What is it wife?" He carries you to the large, king size bed that's covered in rose petals and lays you on top. His handsome face leans over you with careful, attentive eyes while a hand reaches for one of the soft pillows nearby to slip under your head.

It's now that the weight of the moment hits you, as if you've just doven off a steep cliff and head first into the rushing rapids of the ocean.

"I love you," you say.

Jungkook sticks his thumbs in the band of his underwear and pushes it down until he can easily remove them. He's fully hard when he crawls over top of you after, and places his hands on either side of your head.

"I love you too." He lowers his head to capture your lips into a deep kiss. "Now," he continues, sitting up on his knees and shimmying his thighs up your frame. "I think I might need some help here."

He grips his pulsating length, tan tip leaking with pre-cum. You widen your mouth gladly and he shoves his length to the back of your throat.

"Mm!" You gag but to say you hate it would be a lie.

Jungkook doesn't move at first, letting you get used to the weight of his cock on your tongue first. He bites his lip as you hallow your cheeks the best you can.

"I don't want to come, I just want it wet okay?" He tells you and you nod in understanding. "Fuck, so good," he lets out a throaty growl after the first thrust.

You suck him as hard as you can as he fucks your mouth at a steady pace, making sure his cock will be nice and well-lubricated with your spit this time.

"Can't believe we're married," he thrusts faster, teeth clenching together. "My wife, mine forever. No one else can have you. I won't let them."

You blink your glassy eyes at him, thighs struggling to rub together due to the arousal pooling between your legs for the tenth time tonight.

You love him so fucking much.

Jungkook pulls himself out of your mouth while you're in thought, a string of spit following. He backs himself down your body until he can properly hover over you in a straddling position.

"Legs up," he commands and you wrap them around his waist in a criss-cross position. His wetted length finds your entrance with little guidance and pushes forward, stretching your walls so deliciously well.

"Oh my god," you shudder as his cock sinks all the way in thanks to both of you being incredibly worked up and lubricated. Your hands fly under his arms after two thrusts, to grip his back. "Fuck, you're so deep Kook."

"I know, holy shit," he grunts and beats himself into you. He likes the feeling of your body bouncing up and down underneath him so leans down on his elbows to fuck you faster and harder. "I think this might be the deepest I've been in you baby, so wet for me—fuck!"

He moans loudly when your nails claw his back. "Shit I'm sorry!" You relax your fingers immediately when he winces at the slight pain.

"No," he nips at your jaw. "I like it, keep doing it. Mark me up." He snaps his hips into yours and you claw at his back again, harsher than the last time; not enough to hurt him but enough to make him moan in your ear over and over again.

"Jungkook! Too much," you pant as he burries his head in your neck, trailing hot open mouth kisses to the area. "It's too much, I'm gonna come!"

"Fuck, that's the goal baby!"

"Yeah but, don't wanna come so soo—"

He shuts you up with his tongue shoving between you lips, kissing you with a purpose. You's body squirms at the pleasure and you find yourself clenching around his thick length that yes, twitches in response.

"Three years together and you still think I'll give you one round and call it quits. Since when baby?" He groans as he feels himself achingly close to his high (you too). "Tell me, since fucking when?" He emphasizes once more.

You're too lost in how close you are to your second orgasm to give him an answer.

"That's right, never."

One hard thrust later and you come on his length. It takes little time before he releases in you as well, yet he continues his pace.

"That's one down," Jungkook says, riding out both your orgasms which slowly works you up to another. "Not including any eating out. And if my memory serves our record is five. Don't you think we should surpass that now that we're legally bonded to each other Mrs. Jeon? In sickness and in health was it?"

"I'm still trying to recover from the first two orgasms I had tonight, including the fingering and you relentless dry humping."

"Baby," he coos. "My sweet baby, come here." With both arms Jungkook lifts your body with his until you're both in an upright, seated position. Your legs that were once wrapped around his waist rest on the mattress as he thrust up into your cunt. "Don't you know I just want to make you feel good? Why recover when you can be wrecked so heavenly over and over again?"

You moan and squeeze your hands on his shoulder. Jungkook studies your face, maintaining slow, calculated thrusts into you.

"Come for me again," he says.

And you do, sticky white liquid dripping down to the base of his cock and onto the sheets under you.

"You enjoyed that didn't you?" He smirks. "Let's see you get on all fours now. I'd love to see how well my wife takes it from behind."

You catch him off guard by pushing on his chest and guiding him flat on his back. "Mm no," you refuse him. "I think I'd like to get a taste of my husband as a bottom instead."

Jungkook's cock hardens inside you and his fingers settle around your hips as he smirks up at you. "Go ahead then," he tests. "Try getting yourself off."

"You think I can't do it?" You narrow your eyes and grind forward on his cock, earning you a deep growl from your new husband.

"We'll see how long you'll last before I have to flip you on your back and take over," he spats. "But good luck beautiful."

With a huff and determination in your eyes, you start a strong pace. Jungkook watches you with lustful eyes as you bounce on him– enjoying the show a little too much.

a/n: Thanks for reading! Lmk what you think 🥰

Masterlist

no reposting, copying, or translating my work– © kookslastbutton

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for dating a 27 year old man?

I (31M) have been with my boyfriend (27M) for over a year now. We met in college but didn’t really talk or anything because we didn’t have classes together but met up later on Facebook and actually got to know each other. After months of talking, video chatting and needing out about similar stuff he told me he liked me. We started going out and now we’re a thing.

People say he is too young for me. We’re both at similar life stages though - both moved out, both can drive, both working retail. Only difference is I don’t have my degree yet due to health problems and work making it hard for me to take a full course load but I’m close to done now - only a semester left until I catch up to him in terms of being a real adult.

Anyway, people say our relationship is toxic and imbalanced. They say it’s a case of grooming because of the age difference and that he should be with someone still in their 20s. I could obviously understand why people would be concerned if, for instance, we started dating when he was 20 and I was 24. That would’ve been really weird. That’s two completely different life stages right there. However, I think 27 and 31 are a lot closer together in terms of life stages.

 There is one thing I feel guilty about. I have a physical disability. I mentioned early on that I had issues with my physical health (chronic pain). I’m fairly functional most of the time, but sometimes I have flareups. During these flareups, he made the decision to help me out.  By that, I mean that sometimes he helps me come over and move heavy things or give me rides to places like the doctor if I’m in too much pain to drive. I don’t make him do these things, but he has offered.

Some people have said that, even if we were the same age, it would be wrong for me to date him In this condition. They described me allowing him to do those things as taking advantage of him and that’s something I do feel guilty about. It’s not one-sided. I also try to be able assistance to him whenever he needs it. 

They also mentioned that he can do better than me and deserves someone younger, healthier, who has an actual degree and makes more money. When I bring this up though, he doesn’t seem like he wants to leave. He told me he likes me and he wants to still be with me. Am I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual]

Nimona headcanons I wrote instead of sleeping

Sometimes the boys forget that Nimona isn’t human 

Like they’re used to the shifting into animals aspect of Nimona because she does it as often as she breathes

But sometimes she’ll do some really creepy shit like make her arms longer to reach something when she’s too lazy to get up

One time they shifted just their neck to be like an owl so they could turn their head 180 degrees instead of just turning around cause that was “too boring” 

Or he’ll mimic people’s voices without realizing it 

Sometimes he’ll tell a story and suddenly he’s using Bal’s voice 

The first time she did this Bal searched the whole house cause he was convinced that Todd has snuck in

Or she’ll grow an extra arm to hold more shit and they take a moment to realize “oh yeah we adopted a little weirdo” 

They get used to it after a while and the arguments surrounding it are always funny because both the boys will complain and say “I don’t sound like that” and they have to be told “No love you do you really do” 

You know those videos of babies reacting to their parents shaving their facial hair or putting on glasses 

That’s Nimona's reaction every single time the boys change their appearance even the smallest bit they cant shave or wear their reading glasses because if they do he freaks out 

Talking some “help me Nemesis I heard bosses voice but I can’t find him” while Bal was standing right in front of them 

It was the first time he shaved his face in years and he’s never doing it again 

Mostly cause Ambrosius kept telling him he looked like a teenager and it was freaking him out 

I feel like Bal and Ambrosius are those kinds of people who will tell people about the little injuries but neglect the big ones 

Like Bal mentioned that he thinks he sprained his ankle during the fight at the institute but he won’t mention that he’s pretty sure he got a concussion 

(BECAUSE THIS MAN HEAD-BUTTED TWO PEOPLE WHEN HE HAS A METAL ARM) 

(I’m bout to wrap this man in bubble wrap and give him a helmet because wtf) 

Ambrosius will complain the whole day about the fact that he has a paper cut

But will completely neglect to inform his doctors “Oh yeah I can’t move my left arm higher than my waist without pain and I can’t see that well out of my left eye or hear that well out of my left ear do you think that’ll be a problem?” 

It isn’t until Nimona makes an off handed comment about how this super weird that the laser did basically nothing to him that he told both of them

They literally dragged him to the ER because “Who thinks those symptoms are normal Nemesis what is wrong in that pretty little head of yours!!” 

When Bal tells Nimona she’s being a bit of a hypocrite (cause who refers to an arrow as a splinter?) she turns to him and says “I know you’re not saying something Mr. Human battering ram” 

It took literally everything in Ambrosius not to break down laughing

After that she forces them to have frequent checkups with the doctor because these dorks wouldn’t go otherwise

Honestly I'm fully convinced that some people in the kingdom don't know who Nimona is and are constantly confused why they let this little weirdo follow them around 

And finally the curiosity will eat away at them and they’ll finally ask 

Sometimes the boys will give some “normal” answers like “Oh that’s Nimona” and they won’t elaborate at all

Sometimes they’ll give funnier answers like “Oh that’s a raccoon we found in the garage who turned into a person one day” “I don’t know they just showed up in our living room” and their personal best “You see her too?” 

And their favorite that they only started using a couple of years down the line “Oh that’s our kid”

[hopeastrz]

𝟒 𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐘 𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐒: 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝗕𝐀𝗕𝐋𝐘 𝐃𝐈𝐃𝐍’𝐓 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖🦢ੈ✩‧₊˚

𝟓𝟎% 𝐎𝐅𝐅 𝐒𝐀𝐋𝐄 ON ALL OF MY CHART READINGS!.

𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐑: 𝐄𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐢𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫/𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬…

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄: these are some facts that i personally find quite interesting!.

𝐌𝐚𝗿𝗿𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝘂𝐩𝐥𝐞𝘀 𝘀𝐡𝐚𝗿𝐞 𝘁𝐡𝐞 𝘀𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝘀𝐨𝐥𝐚𝗿 𝗿𝐞𝘁𝘂𝗿𝐧 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝗿𝘁𝘀 𝐚𝐟𝘁𝐞𝗿 𝐦𝐚𝗿𝗿𝐢𝐚𝐠𝐞!.

when i used to check my parents solar return charts they were identically the same, like im talking literally about it!, the AC and MC degrees may just differ thus the houses move slightly, and i find that endearing!.

𝐖𝐞 𝘁𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝘀𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝘁𝘀 𝐟𝗿𝐨𝐦 𝐨𝘂𝗿 𝐩𝐚𝗿𝐞𝐧𝘁𝘀 (𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝘀𝐨𝐦𝐞𝘁𝐢𝐦𝐞𝘀 𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐞𝗿 𝘀𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝘀) 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝗿𝘁𝘀

it’s cute how fathers and mothers charts get merged and mixed together after having children, and that makes sense, we take some characteristics from our parents so obliviously astrologically speaking we gotta share some placements with them!

𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐬.. 𝐉𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐒𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞!

further more explained two years before i had Saturn on the 1ST house, and this year i had Jupiter on the 1ST house!, also this year i had Saturn on the 11TH house, and the next year i’m having Jupiter on the 11TH house!, it’s like it fixes what’s broke!, i saw it in many charts i analyzed so check it out!.

Btw it shouldn’t be quite literal for example if you had Saturn on the 4TH house for a year you may for the next have Jupiter placed on the 5TH house but in a cancer degree or aspects your moon for example!, it’s really just comforting, how both of them heal our scars, it means our lesson from that year was learned!.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 4𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝘂𝘀𝐞 𝗿𝘂𝐥𝐞𝘀 𝐛𝐨𝘁𝐡 𝐨𝐟 𝐨𝘂𝗿 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞𝘀, 𝐨𝘂𝗿 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝘂𝗿 𝐛𝘂𝗿𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝘀𝐢𝘁𝐞𝘀 𝐢𝐧 𝐀𝗿𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝘀𝘁𝗿𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝘆.

Well tbh this one isn’t so cute that’s why i left it for last, the 8TH house rules our death, but it only rules how we die, not where we’re buried, that detail could be found in our 4TH house!, and i find this connection a bit poetic, how there’s a thin line between our death and childhood, it’s like when we go back to our grave it’s another home for us.

now however let’s take robin Williams for an example, he died by suic!de but was buried by the sea!, he’s remains were scattered in San Francisco Bay, and guess what?, his moon is on the 4th house in pisces!.

[cheriladycl01]

Better than me - Charles Leclerc x Reader Part 1

Plot: You are a rookie in your first f1 season, adding to the ever-growing amount of Brits performing in the grid.

"And we here at Audi on our debut into Formula One are happy to announce our line up for this year. We have taken on Alexander Albon, and a new driver from the last F2 season to keep the youth of the grid, Y/N Y/L/N, the first female Formula One driver of the century" Andreas Seidl announces and cameras flash all around the press conference.

"So Alex is moving from Williams to an Audi, after not having a great seasons from 2021 in his reserve roll in Red Bull to him moving down as a Williams driver, why have you put your trust in a driver that hasn't been performing?" the interviewer asked. Andreas shuffles in his seat a little leaning closer to the mic.

"Well Alex's performance in Red Bull were phenomenal especially for a rookie. Unfortunately Red Bull decided to pull their finances into one car and one driver which led to Max over-powering many of his team-mates, which was one of the reasons Ricciardo switched to Renault. We want to give Alex the chance to prove his skills in a well-made car that once on the track will rival the Red Bull, Mercedes and Ferrari's" Andreas says looking towards Christian Horner who didn't look pleased at all.

"It's good to see Albon given the chance, as we saw George Russell improve the minute he joined Lewis Hamilton in Mercedes. There's also talk that there was an offers for Lando Norris and Charles Leclerc what happened there" another question is thrown out.

"We sent offers to anyone we thought would benefit from a contract with us, so Leclerc and Norris were both on that list"

"And you ended up choosing Albon, or were the offers rejected?"

"We chose Alexander before Norris and Leclerc turned the offer down. Norris is out-performing in his McLaren and as part of their young drivers scheme, he wants a win for them before ever moving on if he does. For now he is comfortable there. As far as Leclerc goes, he has dreams in Ferrari that they unfortunately aren't helping him pursue, which we hoped we could. The Volkswagen Group is an open arms family and our relationships with all drivers are ones we hold a lot of respect for" he explains nodding at the man who was asking the questions.

"Obviously Audi have now not only kept up with the youth of the grid but have added the first female since Lella Lombardi. Where did this choice come from, and did the other drivers know before today?" he pushes and Andreas smiles looking over towards you at the back of the room, hidden by your Audi cap.

"Well, she won the last F2 championship and she's a very promising driver, she has a degree that she completed three years ago in Aerodynamic Engineering and has some great opinions on her car and knows it very well. I'm sure her rookie season will be one nobody will want to miss" he smirks and the cameras click for more photos, you could already see the amount of headlines.

Now it was time for your first race of the season. Your first race was Bahrain and you were extremely nervous, you could see the camera on your left filming you as you pulled up the fireproof race suit over your shoulders. The mix of red and white fabric had your sponsors over it, as well as the four rings of your teams logo.

You eventually got into the car rubbing your hands together waiting to be handed the wheel by an crew member. You check that you radio is working with your engineer and give the pit crew a nod.

"Okay lets make this a good lap! Looking to try and get P12 or up" your engineer voices as you as you come out of the pits.

You had a good start, going into turn one slower, wanting to just test the waters. Turn two and three were similar, the car was wider and more powerful than that of an F2 car and even pre-season testing didn't help settle your nerves.

"Need to speed up on this straight to make up the time from the turns, stop overthinking and just drive. We believe in you" you hear your engineer and release a breath that you didn't even realize you were holding. You fly down the straight managing to still keep up quiet the speak into the sharp turn 4.

"Coming into sector 2 now, your currently in a predicted 14th place so we really need to catch up in Sector 2" he explains again.

You speed round the turns up until the hairpin on 8, breaking later and managing to overtake Russell who was slightly ahead of you on the track.

"Nice Y/N, you've got Lawson and Ocon ahead of you, if you can catch up to them you'll be in the top 10. Lets get you flat out on that straight in sector 3 yeah?"

As you get through the second hairpin with a little skidding from your misjudgment and managed to make up for time in turns 11,12 and 13 before putting your foot down so you sailed down the straight.

After another go you were called back to the pits.

"Well done, you got P9. That's amazing for your first drive"

"What position was Alex in?" you ask, hoping your team mate was getting on well in his new car.

"He was P4, Hamilton, Leclerc and Perez all infront of him, Verstappen P5 along with Norris, Piastri and Alonso just a few seconds ahead of your time. Wonderful driving" he says as you pull into the pit. You jump out the car, looking to see who was now out and didn't make it into Q2.

"Well done Y/N, you did do well! P9 is crazy!" Alex said rushing up to you pulling you into a teammate hug.

"Let's go get a drink, you wanna go toilet?" Zahara one of the crew asks. I nodded immediately realizing how i hadn't gone to the toilet before hand.

Q2 went a little worse, you crawled in P11, not making it into Q3. You'd made the typical rookie mistakes which is what angered you the most. You slapped you hands onto your halo in annoyance as your engineer tried to explain that P11 was amazing for a rookie, and if you had a good pace tomorrow you'd be able to get within the top 10.

You watched Alex compete for his position headphones on and seeing his overtake Norris who was currently in P5.

Eventually tomorrows start was set, Leclerc P1, Hamilton P2, Perez P3, Sainz P4, Alex P5, Verstappen P6, Norris P7, Russell P8, Piastri P9 and in P10 ahead of you was Alonso, he wouldn't make it easy for you tomorrow.

You hug Alex, congratulating him on a great start to the weekend and a great start to this season. You headed to your drivers room, changing out of your suit and into your Audi shirt and shorts. You head out and get to your R8, a benefit of working for the Audi team.

"Hey, Y/N right?" a voice calls you before you can even open the door to the car. You whirl round, worried it was a fan that had somehow managed to follow you to the carpark. In turn you actually saw the racer who finished in P1 today, Charles Leclerc.

"Oh, hello" you smile nodding you head down awkwardly in greeting.

"I just wanted to let you know, you did well, this wasn't my first race in F1 Australia was but you finished ahead of where i was in 2018, so take this as a win" he smiles placing a comforting hand on your shoulder.

"Oh, thank you. I didn't even think I'd be here this year, I was shocked when Audi reached out to me. I'm just annoyed at the mistakes i made in Q2, I could have made it to Q3 if I had just ..." you admitted softly, until he interrupts you.

"You've already had your debrief and you know what you did wrong, move on from it and come back tomorrow and get into the top 10" he smiles at you. He starts to walk away but stops when your hand wraps round his wrist.

"Thank you Charles, i needed to hear that. Congrats on P1 today, see you on the track tomorrow" you smile, letting go of his wrist before jumping into your car. You sighed revving the engine, thinking of the kindness you'd just been shown. You knew that people would probably be looking for you from other teams, as most people were still there but everything was a little overwhelming for you right now.

[lucy90712]

Is it too late?- Pedri

WC: 3.2k

Pregnant. The two lines on the stick were staring back at me as I looked at them in disbelief. My mind couldn't decide whether to be happy or to have a breakdown so I just stood there emotionless until tears started coming down my face but I couldn't tell you if they were happy tears or not. Part of me is a little bit excited as Pedri and I have been together for a few years now and as much as we haven't spoken too much about having kids we both said we'd like to start a family of our own one day so why not let that day be now. The more I thought about it the more the anxiety faded as I know Pedri will be a great dad and as long as I have him I know we will figure it out together. 

Pedri's not home as he's playing so I have a bit of time to figure out how to tell him. I didn't go to the game as I've been so sick the last few days which is why I took the test in the first place. With it being late I don't have many options and time isn't on my side as it's already half time so I don't have too long until Pedri comes home. My first thought was to tell someone to get their help but I stopped myself as I want Pedri to be the first person to know that we are going to bring life into the world. I really want this moment to be special so after a lot of scrolling through Pinterest I decided to go for something relatively simple but cute at the same time. 

After the game I got everything set up and waited for Pedri downstairs with my surprise hidden waiting for him when he got home. The more time that passed the more nervous I got and I started to wonder if Pedri would be happy at all I mean his career is still taking off and he's always busy will he really want to be tied down by a child. When the door opened those thought went away for a second until I saw Pedri's face and I could tell something was wrong. For a moment I wondered if he somehow knew and wasn't happy but then I remembered that there is no way he could know as I hadn't told a soul yet. Knowing it wasn't that I was suddenly even more nervous than before as it means there's something else that's wrong. What if he's injured again that would just be soul crushing for the both of us.

"Is everything ok babe?" I asked 

"Everything's fine but there's something I need to tell you" he said 

"There's something I need to tell you too" I said nervously 

"Hopefully we are on the same page then because I think we should break up" he said like it was nothing 

"W-what" I questioned 

"I'm sorry y/n but nows just not the time for me to be in a relationship there's too much going on in my life and I don't want something always tying me down" he explained 

"Ok" is all I could reply 

"What were you going to say?" He asked 

"Don't worry about it it's not important now" I said 

"Ok well you can stay here for as long as you need I'm sorry things had to end this way" he said 

No other words left my mouth I just took myself off to our bedroom and locked the door to be alone with my thoughts. Only after I sat down did it really hit me he just broke up with me and I'm pregnant with his child. What do I do now? I have to tell him right but nows surely not the time there's too many emotions and I know Pedri will say we should get back together even though that's clearly not what he wants. Do I even keep the baby I mean can I do this on my own. 

After freaking out for a minute I decided to be sensible and write down all of my worries then figure each of them out. First I decided that I would tell Pedri just not tonight as he needs to know but it doesn't have to be right this second. Then I decided that I could do this myself I have a degree and a good job plus I never actually sold my apartment when I moved in with Pedri a few months ago so I have somewhere to live. The more I thought about it the less daunting it all became sure it will be a lot as pregnancy and becoming a single mother will be hard but I can do it. 

As I'd made my decisions I started to pack all of my things including what I'd made to tell Pedri I was pregnant because as much as it hurts to look at now I want to keep it for the memories a few years down the line. Pedri was nice enough to help me get all of my things in my car and even offered to take some things himself but I refused and I just came back for them after dropping off the first lot of things. By the time I had moved out fully it was the middle of the night and Pedri was in bed so I looked around his house one last time before leaving my keys on the side and getting in my car. On the drive to my apartment I did nothing but cry, all of the tears I had been holding in all came out at once like a river flowing down my face. The tears didn't stop either they continued all night until I physically had no more tears to cry. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Text message 

Hey Pedri there is something important I need you to know I know we aren't together anymore but can we meet to talk or at least call it's not something you should find out over text

Not delivered 

Instagram dm

Hey Pedri we really need to talk please text me 

Not delivered 

Snapchat 

Pedri please we need to talk 

Not delivered 

~~~~~~~~~~

Pedri's POV

"Where are we going?" Gavi asked as I drove us both to get lunch together 

"There's a cafe not far from here and it's really good so we are going there" I replied 

"Oh I know that one didn't you say that was y/n's favourite place" he said 

"Can we stop talking about y/n we've been broken up for nearly 7 months now" I said getting annoyed 

"Sorry it's just you mention her sometimes and I know Fermin said he saw her around here the other day" he said

"So she still lives here I thought she might go back home" I thought out loud 

"I thought we weren't talking about y/n" he said 

All I did was roll my eyes as I parked the car. He's not wrong though y/n is often on my mind and sometimes I still find myself bringing her up in conversation. It only took a few days before I regretted breaking up with her it was such an awful decision but once I'd done it I couldn't go back she always said once something was done it's done so I knew she'd never take me back. I blocked her on everything so that I wouldn't be reminded of her but that didn't help as my brain couldn't forget and still to this day when I see certain things or go certain places I am reminded of her. 

She was truly everything to me she was there for every good moment but also all of the bad ones. If I didn't have her I have no idea where I'd be now I wouldn't be as strong as I am mentally that's for sure she taught me so much and always encouraged me even on the hardest of days. Everyday I looked forward to coming home and seeing her either making dinner or sat reading a book which she used to love doing in fact I still have one book she gave me insisting I read it and sometimes I am tempted but I have yet to even turn a page on it. Letting her go was such a stupid decision I can't believe I ever thought she was holding me back let alone thinking about it for long enough to actually break up with her. I don't know what was wrong with me but I definitely regret it I don't think I'll ever find a girl like her again but honestly that's what I deserve for being such an idiot. 

Gavi and I went into the cafe and got our food before sitting down at a table in the corner so we were out the way and out of sight from the street and people already in the cafe. We were talking like normal about training until I noticed Gavi staring at something behind me. As I went to turn around to see what he was looking at he stopped me so I assumed it was a girl he liked or someone he didn't want to see. The longer he kept staring the more he looked like he really wanted to say something which had me thinking it wasn't just someone he didn't want to see. 

"What is going on?" I asked 

"Nothing" he replied bluntly 

"I know you are lying just tell me what's going on" I said 

"But you told me not to" he said 

"What the hell do you mean" I said 

"Y/n is stood over there with a friend I assume" he said 

"I don't care mate we can be in the same place I will survive" I quipped 

"It's not just that she looks pregnant well not just looks she has to be pregnant and quite far along too" he finally spat out 

There was nothing he could do to stop me turning around after that and he was right she was stood talking to a friend with a hand on her belly. She was definitely pregnant like about to pop pregnant. That's when the memories of the night we broke up came flooding back she said she had something to tell me but she never told me what it was. It really made me wonder if she was going to tell me she was pregnant because I can imagine after I broke up with her she wouldn't want to tell me and I blocked her afterwards so she'd have no way to reach out. Of course it's possible that she's not as far along as I think and she's with someone else now but I can't help but feel like that's not the case. 

Gavi tried to talk me out of the spiral I had got myself into but it was too late. How could someone forget about the fact that their ex is in the same place visibly pregnant with a baby that could be theirs. I have to know even if the baby is mine or not and if she wants nothing to do with me I would completely understand I just have to know. We did talk about having kids and we both said that we wanted to start a family together one day but what if that day is nearly here and I had no idea. Part of me was hoping it was my baby as I don't think I can handle the thought of her being with someone else that isn't me while I'm still hung up on her. 

Without really thinking I got up and made my way over to y/n Gavi tried to stop me but I didn't listen to him I continued to weave my way around the tables int he cafe until my eyes locked with y/n's. She looked at me and I looked at her before looking down at her bump which was a lot more obvious now even though she was clearly trying to hide it. The friend she was with left and I used that as my chance to make my way over and sit across from her. 

Your POV

Life is hard enough as it is at the moment with me being 8 months pregnant and doing everything alone the last thing I needed was to see Pedri especially as I was never able to contact him to tell him but there he was stood in front of me. Once my eyes caught his I couldn't look away. I watched as his eyes flitted to my bump which I tried my best to hide but at this point it's literally impossible. There was a few seconds where I was hoping he would think that I'd moved on and was with someone else so wouldn't bother me but as soon as he started walking in my direction I knew that the situation I had been dreading had finally occurred. It's finally time to face the music and tell Pedri everything or as much as he wants to hear as its a lot to take in all at once it took me a long time to accept the situation.

He sat down across from me and we just sat in silence for a while neither of us really knowing how to start this conversation. As Pedri was staring the baby started kicking like crazy it was like she knew her dad was sat across from me and was begging me to tell him. Feeling her kicks made me think about the time Pedri told me he'd love to have a daughter as there isn't many girls in his family and he wanted to spoil her rotten which now was all I could think about as I sat carrying the daughter he wanted. The only thing that could break the intense eye contact between the two of us was my phone vibrating in front us both reminding me of my doctors appointment this afternoon. 

"So how have you been?" Pedri asked finally breaking the silence 

"I've been ok busy with work what about you" I said 

"Yeah I've been ok just got back playing after a few injuries" he said 

"I'm sorry to be so straightforward but I have to know is the baby mine?" He asked 

"Yes the baby is yours I'm really sorry I didn't tell you I was going to tell you the night we broke up then when I tried to reach out but I couldn't I probably should've tried harder but there was a lot going through my mind" I explained 

"Its ok it's my fault that I didn't know I'm sorry I haven't been there to support you" he said 

"Let's not get too hung up on that I know you probably have a lot of questions so just go ahead and ask me anything" I said 

"How about we get out of here and go somewhere more private to talk about everything" he suggested 

I agreed it was best to go somewhere else and Pedri offered to drive us both to his as I didn't bring my car so that's what we did. Pedri was so sweet he helped me into his car after he realised how slow I walk now because of all the extra weight I'm carrying. When we arrived at his place he did his best to make me comfortable but there wasn't much he could do as at this point in pregnancy I'm always uncomfortable. He did get me some water and while he was gone I looked around his place. It hadn't changed at all since the last time I was here he still had all of the pictures of us up and the book I'd given him a while back was still sitting in the coffee table unread. It felt as though nothing had changed while I was sat there which weirdly made me smile. 

The last 7 months since the breakup have been chaotic but still most nights I think about Pedri and how things would be different if we hadn't broken up. I still miss Pedri because as much as he broke my heart I still think he's the love of my life and it's not easy to get over such strong feelings like that especially when you have a constant reminder of that person growing inside you. If I could turn back time and stop the break up I definitely would and honestly if Pedri wanted to get back together I wouldn't hesitate to say yes although I would definitely want to take things slow and work on our issues. 

"So how far along are you?" He asked giving me my water and sitting back down

"I'm 8 months now my due date is the middle of next month" I said 

"And did you find out the gender?" He asked 

"I did we're having a girl just like you said you wanted" I said 

"She's kicking right now if you want to feel" I said 

He nodded his head so I took hold of his hand and placed it on my bump right where I could feel the kicks. It could be the hormones talking but watching the way his eyes lit up and feeling his daughter kick and seeing the bright smile on his face nearly made me cry. The kicks got stronger the longer his hand was on my bump which was cute until they started to really hurt which made Pedri panic when I started to groan at the pain but I reassured him everything was ok. He rubbed his hand over my bump telling our little girl to settle down before taking his hand back off which again melted my heart. 

We still had a lot more discuss so I told him everything and I even gave him an ultrasound picture which I always keep on me. I could tell it was a lot for him to take in but he kept asking questions and listening to everything I said. I was worried that he would be really dismissive and want to pretend that we aren't in this situation and the baby isn't his but he actually seems to really care. After I answered all of his questions and showed him all of the millions of pictures and videos I had we again sat in silence not really knowing where to go next. 

"Do you want to get back together" Pedri suddenly blurted out 

"Sorry that was the wrong way to do that I know I hurt you and I'm really sorry I have regretted it every day since you are the one for me and I realise that now I understand if you don't want to but at least consider it" he said 

"I would love to get back together I have missed you everyday we've been apart but if we are going to give this another go we need to do it slowly and I think we should go to therapy to give our daughter the best environment to grow up in" I said

"I'll do anything you want me to if it means I can have you back" he said 

He leaned in to press a soft kiss to my lips which made me realise just how much I really have missed him and how glad I am to have him back. 

[thefallennightmare]

Just Pretend-eighteen

*gif created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Parings: Noah Sebastian x Musician! Reader

Warnings/Tropes: language, angst, fluff, smut, star-crossed lovers, right person/wrong time, cheating, talks of mental abuse.

Summary: “I can wait for years, heaven knows I’m not getting over you.” A story about two star-crossed lovers, that always find their way back because their souls are entwined. The universe desperately attempts to bring them together, no matter what the cost.

Authors Note: The song choice for this chapter is St. Patrick by Pvris!

Tags: @ozwriterchick @waake-meee-up @notingridslurkaccount @niicoleleigh @sammyjoeee @xxrainstorm @dominuslunae @notmaddihealy @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @iknownothingpeople @writethrough @thebadchic @blackveilomens Claudia on Tumblr @tobe-written @blacksoul-27 @loeytuan98 @loverofagoodbeard @comfortcharactercraze @lma1986 @plutonikchaos1 @spicywhenspeaking @lyschko666 @somewhere-diamond @hi-fancy-seeing-you-here @koskeepsake @bngurngheart @shilohrosechicken @emzandthevoid @casangel1986 @qualityvoidcollectorsblog @myownthoughts12 @jilliemiw86 @bellaboo967

NOAH

My car idled in my driveway as I trained my gaze hard on my steering wheel, deep uneven breathing overpowering the sound of the radio. I arrived home almost twenty minutes ago but couldn’t gain the strength to go inside. The light in Jolly’s room was on and I didn’t feel like getting the third degree about where I went after I left the pier.

They knew I was taking Y/N home but didn’t know what happened after.

“Noah,” Y/N moaned while rubbing her pussy over my thigh.

My lips attacked her neck in vicious bites as my hand grasped at the skin of her back, anything I could do to pull her closer.

“Let me fucking cum, Noah.”

I rested my head against the headrest and let out a strangled breath as different memories clouded my mind.

I sat on the edge of Bailey’s bed, a beer bottle hanging loosely between my fingers. It was my third one in the last hour; body tipsy from the alcohol. From the second I stepped inside her apartment, Bailey offered me a drink, wanting to know what I did today. But instead of talking, I drank while we watched a movie in her bedroom.

Both of us were feeling the effects of the alcohol and Bailey was standing in front of me, hands running through my hair.

“I’m fucking depressed,” I hiccuped after taking another long drink of my beer. “I drink like a fish and have needs that aren’t being met.”

“I can help you with that,” she kneeled in front of me, hands reaching for my shirt as her lips grazed over my neck.

I felt stiff in her embrace. “I can’t”

“You can,” Bailey’s hands snaked up my shirt, dragging her nails over my abdomen.

I squeezed my eyes shut at the memory, letting out a broken breath. “I can’t fucking do this. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Bailey sat in front of me on the bed, naked, but my eyes were straight on hers, not daring myself to look farther down.

“On your knees, face the wall,” I demanded while rolling the condom over my cock.

Angry eyes stared down at it, feeling betrayed by how hard I was. It wasn’t anything like how I was with Y/N and I knew it was only because of the thought of having an orgasm.

Anger still radiated through me as I gripped the steering wheel, my knuckles turning white. How could I have done that to Y/N? How would she ever forgive me?

“Noah,” Bailey moaned. 

I grunted while pausing my thrusts to shift us so her face was buried into the pillow so I couldn’t hear her. 

Bailey felt nice but nothing like Y/N. With my angel, it felt as if she was my missing piece when we connected, it was as if our souls were becoming one. The way Bailey moaned wasn’t the same either;  pretty but not what I needed to properly get off. 

I stared down at her back to see a small butterfly tattoo on her shoulder. Pretty but nothing compared to the tattoos Y/N had. Her body and image filled my vision and I gripped the hips in front of me tighter. 

“Oh,” she writhed underneath me. “Shit.” 

“Fuck, angel. You feel so good.” I panted. 

Y/N’s bright smile radiated my thoughts when my eyes closed and I thought of her laugh as I came inside of the condom.

“You’re a pig” I spat out into the confines of my car. “I thought of Y/N the entire time.”

The selfishness began to eat away at me, this cowardly facade. All I needed to do was tell Y/N my feelings and have her sit down and listen.

Shit. 

First I needed to tell Bailey, whatever this was, was finished. 

Nice, you’re going to break up with her hours after having sex?

Why was I holding onto something I didn’t want? I kept trying to fill the loneliness of Y/N.  She was everywhere. Why couldn’t I just tell her how I feel? 

Rejection?

Is it because sometimes I have a lisp? 

No, idiot. She doesn’t care about that. 

Suddenly with a choked sob, it hit me that the fear of being abandoned again was holding onto me like a vice. 

Stay here, you’re comfortable. Stay here- you’re comfortable in your weakness and your temptations; your temporary fixes.

These moments were easy to hide behind. Bailey was easy to hide behind. The alcohol was always easy. Something new I hid behind was the sex and I just wanted to drink until it was fatal. 

What a fucking mess.

The light turned off in Jolly’s room but I still wasn't ready to head inside. I felt safer in my car where I could chastise myself for my actions. I ran a shaking hand over my face as my knee continued to bounce in anger. 

Y/N stormed into my life like a fucking tidal wave. Every day I couldn’t believe this was how I’d ended up. I told myself after everything I’ve been through there was no time for love, no time for the commitment, no time for anything. 

Survival; that’s it. That’s what you know.

The second I stepped off the bus that first day of the tour, my eyes landed directly on Y/N, I knew that everything I thought and decided about my life was going to be different.

I repeatedly replayed this evening and continued to feel disgusted with myself and my actions. Bailey was lovely, too sweet, but I knew she didn’t truly see me as a person. She saw me as the man with the voice- I couldn’t blame her, none of this was her fault. I need to end it. 

But then it hit me again, what I’d done. 

Oh no. I have to tell Y/N.

I couldn’t handle losing her again. 

I smacked the steering wheel. “Fucking idiot! Idiot! Stupid!” 

My breath became erratic and stuck in my throat as my chest constricted with pain. I felt my pulse quicken, my heart pounding loudly in my ears, and I shook my head. 

“Shit, no. Not now.” My vision became hazy, unable to see in front of me as a sob crawled out of my throat. 

Breathe, dumbass. Breathe. Countdown like Dr. Poulos says. 

5. 

I took in a deep breath, holding it in. 

4. 

I blew out my breath for two seconds. 

2. 

Another deep breath, holding it, as the fuzzy vision began to clear.

1.

Letting out my breath, I felt all of my oxygen fill my lungs again and the pain in my best subsided. 

Once I felt centered, I ran my hands over my thighs and when the light in the living room turned on, noticing someone peek through the curtain I knew that I couldn’t hide out here forever. I needed to face what I’d done. 

“I need a fucking miracle. I need some fucking help,” I muttered while climbing out of the car, slowly stalking towards my house. 

Just as I predicted, Jolly was sitting on the couch, watching something on the television and when he saw me walk in, his attention immediately went to the sour expression on my face. 

“Hey,” Jolly said softly. 

I nodded in return as I made my way towards the stairs, just wanting to wash away Bailey’s scent. 

“Everything alright?” He asked as I made it about halfway up the stairs. 

I gripped the railing as my jaw ticked. “Nothing, man. Don’t worry about it.” 

“No, don’t avoid this. We all came back home hours ago, it doesn’t take you that long to drop off Y/N. Where the hell were you?” 

 “I-uh-something happened tonight.” 

Jolly turned off the television, giving me his undivided attention, so I turned towards him now. 

“With Y/N?” 

“And Bailey,” I admitted. 

His eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “What the hell happened?”

“I didn’t mean for it to get this far with Y/N. We were listening to Death of Peace Of Mind and it just happened,” I sighed. 

“You fucked her in the car?” He gasped. 

“No. No!,” I waved a hand in the air. “But we were pretty close. I was seconds away from taking off her pants when Bailey called.” 

“Noah, come on. You need to break off this situation you're in with Bailey. Both you and Y/N need to cut this crap already. It’s not healthy for either of you.”

I rested my arms on the railing. “I know, I know. I want too but its another day of us going in fucking circles.” 

Jolly raised a brow. “Is it the rejection or something else that has you stalling now?” 

“No!” I rushed out too fast.

“It sure seems like it. You’re insecure and worried Y/N’s going to leave again which is why you’re playing both sides. But you can’t have your cake then back up when things get to real, Noah. Its fucked up especially because we already know how she feels about you. You already know.”

I swallowed the large lump in my throat as I prepared myself to say these dreaded four words. Regret filled my veins as the words fell from my lips into the air, telling Jolly what happened after I dropped Y/N off.

I slept with Bailey. 

“She didn’t want you to stay?” Jolly wondered. 

Another flashback to a few hours ago. 

I snapped out of my drunk and sex-hazed nap when a hand grazed down my chest, and stomach, before stopping right at my cock. Bailey was seconds away from wrapping her fingers around it and I jolted from the bed, searing for my clothes.

 “Where are you going?” She asked, letting the sheet fall from her naked form. 

I spun on my heels so I didn’t have to see her. “I’ve got an early day in the studio.” 

“Oh, you don’t want to stay?”

“I can’t,” I muttered, fully dressed, 

I slipped away from her with a light kiss on her cheek. 

“I couldn’t stay, man. It wasn’t right. This entire night wasn’t supposed to be like this,” I stammered over my words, thanks to the alcohol still flooding through my system. 

“Noah-.” 

“Y/N walked away from me tonight, Jolly! After the moment we shared, it felt right; real. But she still just fucking left,” I snapped, raising my voice. 

“What is she supposed to think? You’ve been twisting Y/N’s mind around too,” he said with a stern voice. 

“I didn’t see it that way,” my shoulders fell with defeat. “This thing with Bailey was never supposed to go this far. It was only supposed to distract me from Y/N. I’ve overthought every fucking thing.” 

Jolly raised to his feet before meeting me halfway up the stairs. “That’s why we keep telling you to either discuss this shit with Y/N or your therapist at least because what you’re doing isn’t working.”

Flashes of Bailey in her bed tried to come to the forefront but I shook my head, forcing it away. I needed help; I needed something to block out these images. 

“I’ll be in the studio,” I muttered while ascending the stairs once again. 

“It’s 2 in the morning, Noah,” Jolly called after me. 

“Don’t care.” 

NOAH

A knock sounded on the door, stirring me awake from my slumber in the computer chair. The bottle slipped from my fingers onto the floor at my feet, spilling only a little bit of the dark ember liquid on the carpet. 

Shit, Jesse’s going to kill me for staining it. 

“Noah,” Jolly said while walking into the room. 

I threw a hand over my shoulder, letting him know I was still here, but kept my gaze trained on the screen in front of me. 

“Do you know what time it is?” 

I grunted in response, suddenly wishing I hadn’t dropped my bottle to the ground. 

Jolly sighed before pulling the chair away from the computer, eyes staring straight down at me. “Are you drunk again?” 

“No, just a little tipsy,” I sighed, not wanting to fight him. 

After the hell of the last twelve hours, I was exhausted; mentally and physically. Jolly didn’t deserve the anger I felt for myself directed towards him. 

“I have this melody in my head, I have to get it out. It’s eating away at me,” I said. 

He nodded solemnly. “You’ve been in here for the last few hours, though. Why don’t you take a break? Shower, eat something, get some sleep, and then we can both work something out. Alright?” 

“I just can’t-,” I shook my head, long disheveled hair falling into my face. 

“You’re not gonna drink what you did away, Noah,” Jolly lifted me from the chair, tight grip on my arms so he could force me to look into his eyes. 

“You’re going to sleep the rest of this bullshit off, then when you wake up, you’re going to have some food, a shower, then we’re going to fucking work. Wipe your face and get right. We’ll figure this out.”

“You can’t tell me what to do,” I shot back, the stubbornness radiating off of me in waves. 

Jolly snorted while brushing away the invisible dirt from my shoulders and straightening my shirt. “Watch me.” 

I reached for the bottle, holding it in front of my face. The dark ember liquid sloshed around in the glass as Chase’s voice rang loudly in my head. 

Y/N doesn’t need another Trey. 

“I’m not fucking Trey!” I set the bottle down on the desk with a loud thunk. “She doesn’t deserve that side of me. She deserves the best of me.”

Even though I didn’t say her name, Jolly knew who I was talking about. “No. You’re not, so let’s get right. Cut the shit. You made a mistake, don’t let that sit inside you. Get it out.”

“I didn’t mean it, all I saw was Y/N,” I admitted with a sob, a lone tear rolling down my cheek. “I want her back so bad, man. I love her.” 

This wasn’t the first time I’d admit my love for Y/N out loud but every time I did, it made my heart stutter wildly in my chest. 

“I know,” Jolly sighed while giving me a small smile. “First things first, take a shower and get some sleep, alright?”

I sniffled, standing straighter. “Okay.”

READER

This was such a bad idea. I should not be doing this. I should have immediately declined but Malcolm agreed for all of us before he knew what happened. I couldn’t back out now, much to my dismay. 

With a sigh, I threw on my swimsuit cover before sliding on my sandals. Matt wanted to throw an end-of-summer pool party at his place. As much as I didn’t want to face Noah, the idea of hanging out around the pool with my friends and beer sounded relaxing. 

“Hey, are you almost ready? Malcolm’s waiting in the car for us.” 

Looking towards my open door, I smiled at Chase, who was leaning against the wall. 

“Yeah, I just need to grab my bag.” 

Salem was asleep curled up on my bed and I gave him a soft kiss on the top of his head after grabbing my bag. 

“Something is up with you,” Chase squinted his eyes at me, almost assessing me. 

I shook my head, deflecting his assumptions. “I don’t know what you mean?”

He pointed to my face. “The look on your face, your entire aura.” 

When I walked past him, ready to end this discussion, his arm shot out to block me in place right in front of the door. “Wait, is that?” 

Chase’s finger grazed over a spot on my neck and I smacked it away before covering it with my hand. 

“Is that a hickey?”

“Chase, don’t-,” I began. 

 “Fucking finally!” He exclaimed while throwing his head back. 

I raised my brows while crossing my arms over my chest. “Excuse me?”

“You two must have finally talked. Got rid of the elephant-.”

“No!,” I cut him off while waving my hands. “We didn’t talk about fucking anything. It was a weak moment, which I’m extremely guilty of.”

“Wait, you didn’t,” Chase shook his head, now confused. “Noah didn’t-?”

“Chase, there is nothing to say. He doesn’t feel the same about me, not the way I do. He’s with this other woman.”

“Then what the fuck happened last night? Why do you have a hickey on your neck?” 

I shifted on my feet, avoiding Chase’s gaze. “Their new song was hot and it just happened- it won’t happen again.”

“Fuck, Y/N,” Chase pinched his eyes shut. “You can’t be this dense. What is going on with you? Noah doesn’t feel the same? He looks at you like you’re some fucking angel that just got shot down from the sky. How can you not see that?”

“Let it go, please. I waited too long. He wants to move on, and I had no right to do what we did last night,” my breath wavered as I pushed past him into the hallway, ready to end the conversation. 

“Did you fuck Noah?” Chase’s voice carried down the hall just as Malcolm walked back into the house, eyebrows raised. 

“You fucked Noah?” Malcolm gasped, dropping his bag of towels to the ground.

My feet skidded to a halt, head whipping back and forth between them. “No! But, it was getting there. We would have if Bailey didn’t call.”

Chase now appeared in front of me as I stood in the hallway, Malcolm on the other side of him. “Sweets,  you’ve got to stop being so hard on yourself. You made a mistake by leaving that night; we all know that. Noah forgave you, he’s written songs about you, and I know our songs are about him. Just cut the shit and talk to him okay? He loves you, Y/N.  I know he does.”

Tears burned in my eyes as I let out a shaky breath. “If he loves me then why is he with her?” 

Malcolm and Chase shared a look, unsure what the right answer to my question would be. 

“I don’t know,” Malcolm sighed. “But maybe if you two talked to each other. Writing songs instead of letters can only help so much.”

“Can we table this discussion for now?” I asked with a sigh. “I just want to have a relaxing day today by the pool.” 

My roommates and brothers shared another look before reluctantly agreeing. 

The car ride over to Matt’s was filled with the soft tune of the radio while Malcolm drove, hand linked with Chase’s, and I sat in the back marveling at how far their relationship had come. 

In the beginning of Hollow Souls, I knew that there was chemistry between them but they were nervous about what I or Trey would think. Trey never knew because he was too busy being buried in alcohol, but I always knew that they were meant to be together. Soulmates if you will. No matter how hard they tried to deny their feelings, it was Malcolm who made the first move. 

The corner of my lip turned up in a smile when I remembered the memory; it was after our first successful tour came to an end. At the time, Chase lived with me in Las Vegas, before I moved in with Trey, and Malcolm was living in Los Angeles because of better opportunities. Chase didn’t want Malcolm to leave quite yet, something Malcolm picked up on because he invited Chase to visit him soon. 

Only Chase. 

After some late-night talks with me, Chase eventually agreed and spent two weeks in Los Angeles with Malcolm; He returned happier than ever. 

If there was any relationship to study and look up to, it was theirs.

“I’m going to take your advice,” I said suddenly as the car pulled to a stop in front of Matt’s house. 

Chase turned to face me. “You are?” 

I nodded. “It can’t hurt, right? Telling him how I feel,” 

Malcolm looked at me through the rearview mirror. 

“Finally!” He exclaimed. “ Just tell him! Let it out and then you guys can run away and fuck again. Because this late-night moaning of his name is not doing it for me. Our walls are thin.”

I slapped his arm. “Fucking tell me about it. I don’t need to know some things about your relationship, especially when you guys are in bed together.”

MICHAEL

The expression you can cut the tension with a knife had never been more right than at this exact moment. 

I sat on the pool's edge, legs dangling in the water, with Bryan next to me. We saw the exact moment Noah walked in with Bailey clung to his arm, the only way this day would end would be in a disaster. I turned towards Jesse, who was already in the pool and mouthed three words. 

“What the fuck?” 

Jesse’s only answer was a shake of his head. 

Bailey never left Noah’s side, her hand wrapped around his, as they made small talk with Nick. I could see it in the way Noah’s jaw clenched that something was wrong. She kept trying to pull him close but he did his best to keep his distance. 

“Did he forget that Y/N’s coming?” Matt scoffed while sitting on the other side of me. 

“Did Noah mention anything about bringing Bailey?” Brayn asked. 

Matt scoffed again, something about this whole situation was truly appalling. “I guess she kind of invited herself. Folio brought it up in front of Noah, not realizing he was on the phone with her. So he felt obligated.”

“Fuck,” I shook my head while taking a sip of my beer. “Talk about awkward.” 

“I wouldn’t say awkward,” Matt muttered while adjusting his hat.

“Matt, be nice,” Jolly said sternly as he walked past, knocking off the hat so it could splash into the pool. 

Suddenly, the air and tension tilted on its axis when Y/N walked into the backyard with Chase and Malcolm. My eyes immediately snapped over to Noah, who was already watching Y/N with an intense gaze. She turned towards him, ready to say something until Bailey snuck up behind Noah, wrapping an arm around him. 

Noah’s body immediately tensed and when I peered back at Y/N there was a look of hurt or betrayal on her face; I couldn’t tell which exactly and could study it more because she was already slinking away from him, behind the forefield that was Chase and Malcolm. Bailey then dragged Noah towards the grill where Orie was cooking food. 

“Is it just me or is there something there? More than usual?” I asked. 

Jolly, who pulled up a chair behind me, sighed. “All I can say is that Noah was in the studio till about five this morning. I’m even shocked he’s standing upright. He drank half a bottle of Hennesy before spilling the rest on the carpet.” 

“He did what?” Jesse spoke up, gaining the attention of others. 

We ignored Jesse’s outburst and did our best to enjoy the rest of the afternoon, no matter how awkward things were right now. Surely, it couldn’t get worse. 

I saw the expression of bewilderment had come back onto Noah’s face as he stole glances at Y/N while she chatted with her bandmates. It was as though a faint doubt occurred to him as to the quality of his present happiness. There must have been moments when Y/N tumbled any short of Noah’s dreams – not through her fault, but because of the colossal vitality of his illusion.

It had gone beyond her; beyond everything. He had thrown himself into it with a creative passion, adding to it all the time, decking it out with every bright feather that drifted his way. No amount of fire or freshness can challenge what a man will store up in his extreme ghost-like heart.

We’ve all attempted to keep the peace as long as possible, but fuck, is this enough. Especially after the way he brought Bailey here today. The first time Bailey met all of us at Y/N’s welcome home party, that was awkward enough. 

Neither of them could seem to spit out what they wanted. I wanted to tell Bailey to go home.  She’s too sweet for this but yet so fucking naive.  Her head was in the clouds; a mere rockstar in her clouded brain. Noah’s a human being, and so were the two women caught in the middle of this. 

But something changed, drastically, between Noah, Bailey, and even Y/N. It’s been almost an hour and not once did they say a word to each other. They sat on other ends of the backyard; Noah and Bailey sitting just the two of them on one of the lawn chairs while Y/N sat with Chase and Malcolm, joking around with Orie. 

I sensed something while noticing the small things others wouldn’t. I tilted my head to the side, watching Noah and Bailey. The grazing and touching were almost too intimate, especially in front of all of us; Y/N included. Bailey tried to run her hands through Noah’s hair but he flinched away and quickly tied it up on top of his head. Noah had yet to shed himself of his t-shirt but Bailey was donning a green two-piece, hoping to catch his attention. 

Noah didn’t dare glance at her that way, keeping it civil and friendly. 

Bailey laid a kiss on his cheek before she whispered something in his ear, him shivering at whatever she said. It was then that I grasped what happened between them. 

I shook my head while motioning for Jolly, who was now in the pool. Once he swam over to me, I pointed to Noah. 

“Did they?” 

Jolly simply nodded, not wanting to utter the words out loud in case other ears were listening. 

I sighed, disappointed. “You got to be fucking kidding me.”

The way I observed this pool, you’d think I was a swimmer with sharks.

But I knew Noah. I’ve watched him; he smells bullshit like a shark smells blood, even his own. He watched Y/N from the side the entire time. 

To make her angry? Jealous? Who knows. But he was tired of the arm candy; that I could see.  Once again, void of emotions. Just another fucking animal for the ark, that was Noah’s.

Movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention and I watched as Y/N hesitantly took off her swim cover. It was a hot day, most of us cooling off in the pool, and it took a lot of coaxing from Malcolm and Chase but eventually, Y/N must have felt comfortable enough to show more skin. I knew parts of her past with Trey, thanks to what Noah had told me, so I was aware of the body issues she was dealing with. 

I didn’t understand why; Y/N was gorgeous, and we all agreed to that. But sometimes when you spend years dealing with all kinds of mental abuse, it takes time to get over those old habits. 

Once Y/N stood in the bright rays of the sun, soaking her almost in a neon glow with her bright red two-piece. The variety of tattoos was fully on display. The small one on her inner ankle made me chuckle, remembering the story Jolly told me about why she got that one. I glanced over to Noah, who sat with his elbows on his knees, chin resting on his palm, as he watched Y/N with careful eyes as she dipped herself into the pool. Bailey kept rambling on about something to him, not even realizing his attention was somewhere else. 

On someone else. 

NOAH

My eyes burned as I watched Y/N dip herself into the pool; unholy skin cooling immediately. Bailey kept rambling on about some random bullshit about the record shop, something I didn’t care about because the only thing I care about was gliding through the water, laughing along with Chase. 

The way Y/N was sitting on the side of the pool, thighs almost wide open. She was soaking wet right now, but not by me and that wasn’t fair. I could remember exactly where her magic was. I know exactly where I’d have to touch, lick or bite. I’d like nothing more than to slide those vibrant red bikini bottoms off her and taste her, begin to have the best fucking meal- happily. Seeing her spread wide open, I could feel myself getting hard, straining against my shorts. I discreetly adjust myself hoping no one will notice and set my attention elsewhere quickly. 

I took pride in seeing her blossom. Y/N was hesitant to take that cover-up off- I knew that. But she found her confidence and as soon as that thing fell off her shoulders it was like staring directly into the sun. I was hot, sweating profusely, and I wanted so badly to reach out to touch her. Feel her skin, lock us both together, almost drowning in this pool.

“Noah, are you even listening?” Bailey chuckled while running a finger down my arm. 

I shifted in my seat so her hand could fall away from me. “Sorry, it’s been a long day.” 

“You should have stayed last night. We could have slept in, ordered something for breakfast, maybe fucked again,” she said. 

I snapped my head towards her with my jaw clenched. Bailey wasn’t exactly quiet but thankfully, Y/N was on the far end of the pool where she couldn’t hear us. 

“I told you, I had to be at the studio early. I couldn’t stay.” 

Bailey brushed a finger over my cheek. “Do you want to stay tonight?” 

Before I could give her an answer, Matt’s voice rang out. “Are you two going to isolate yourselves all day or come swim? It is a pool party, remember?” 

I glanced over toward the group of them, especially at Y/N who was purposely avoiding my gaze which made my stomach drop. 

Did she find out about Bailey and I? 

No, the only person I told was Jolly and he wouldn’t say anything. 

“Come on,” Bailey pulled me up from the chair and tried to reach for my shirt. 

Gently I pushed her hands away, muttering something about how I didn’t want to swim, and sat on the edge of the pool next to Michael. If Bailey said something, it fell on deaf ears, as I quickly picked up on the conversation between Michael and Jesse. 

“Oh, Y/N, your tattoos are gorgeous!” 

My eyes danced over to Y/N, standing back on solid ground, running a towel through her water-drenched hair. I followed a drop of water as it grazed down the side of her neck, over the bright red but small mark, and I nearly choked on my spit. 

“Uh, thank you,” Y/N gave Bailey a small smile as she sat on a chair, accepting a beer from Folio. 

“Any meaning behind them?” Bailey wondered as she swam in front of my legs that were dangling in the water, forcing herself between them. 

Michael saw the scowl on my lips and lightly smacked my arm. 

“Be nice,” he grumbled. 

Ignoring him, I watched with careful eyes as the two women talked. 

“Depends on which one,” Y/N answered. 

“All of them?” 

“Bailey-,” I started. 

“No,” Y/N interrupted. “It’s fine. I don’t mind her asking about them.” 

We locked eyes for a long beat before she was the first one to break it. 

“The floral design on my arm doesn't mean anything, I just wanted a sleeve. Uh-,” Y/N then pointed to the small Spirited Away character on her other arm. “This is from my favorite movie.” 

Bailey shook her head. “I don’t know what that is.” 

“Kaonashi,” I answered. “From Spirited Away.”

“I thought I saw one on your back?” Bailey questioned. 

Y/N turned in her chair, showcasing the large snake and floral tattoo that covered the entirety of her back. Memories of our night together in the hotel room flashed in my mind; my lips kissing over every inch of ink as my finger traced the design. 

“Oh, that’s amazing. What’s the story behind that one?” 

Y/N’s lips in a pulled line; a fake smile. “A snake shed their skin, a way to represent growth. I always found that fascinating so that’s why I got a tattoo of a snake.” 

Bailey’s finger grazed up and down my leg under the water. “What about the tattoo on your thigh and leg? It’s fucking huge.” 

“Uh,” Y/N traced over the ink on her leg while staring down at it. “It’s some of my favorite Greek Gods on top of Mount Olympus. My grandma told me stories growing up and they mean a lot to me.” 

Folio snorted while hiding his smirk behind his beer bottle and I shot him a look, knowing exactly why he was smirking. 

“Let’s just say I was on top of Mount Olympus.” 

“Oh, I thought Greek mythology was all fake? Those Gods didn’t exist.” 

I let out a low noise. “Bailey, I think this game of twenty questions is over.” 

Y/N’s eyes narrowed. “Everyone has their own things they believe in, Bailey. Especially my grandma, she grew up in Greece believing those same stories.”

“I knew you were Italian because of your dad but didn’t know you were Greek,” I said with a hint of shock. 

She shrugged. “Half. On my mom’s side. 

“Wait,” Nick spoke up. “I thought you were adopted.” 

Y/N nodded. “Yeah at six months old. But believe it or not, both of my birth parents were Greek and Italian which is why I think they chose my adoptive parents. I don’t talk about it much because-.” 

When her words died on her lips, she gazed away towards Chase who sighed, rubbing her back. 

“Because her mom was a bitch, and told Y/N she was adopted on her eighteenth birthday” Malcolm finished. 

“Mal!” Y/N seethed while smacking his chest. “You can’t just call my mother a bitch!” 

“Why the fuck not?” He rubbed his chest. “You’ve called her worse; to her face.” 

Y/N sighed. “Yes, but that’s because she’s my mother. You don’t get that right.” 

Malcolm snorted. “I’ll remember that the next time you wake me up at two a.m. because she drunk called you to tell you how worthless and how pathetic your career is.”

I remember back to that night on tour when Y/N divulged a little bit about her past growing up and while she didn’t speak much about her mom, I could tell from then and even now, their relationship was rocky. 

“I know,” she sighed while playing with the chain of her ankle bracelet. 

My eyes immediately locked in on the bracelet on her wrist and the necklace that hung between her breasts which were pressed together due to her swimsuit. My dick twitched and I had to adjust myself on the edge of the pool in a way to hide my growing erection. 

“Oh, how funny is that!” Bailey said, completely not understanding that the conversation about tattoos was over. “You have a cute little tattoo on your ankle. Noah has one in the same spot.” 

I stiffened, not knowing if she would be able to put two and two together. Y/N gave a curt smile before rising from her chair, muttering something about going to the bathroom. 

Chase could feel the sudden tension so he spoke up. “We have this tradition of getting tattoos done on the last day of tour. So that’s the story behind that one.” 

Bailey, realizing there was no need to pester Y/N any longer turned towards me and rested her arms on my thighs as she looked up at me. 

“Come in. Swim with me.” 

She tried to reach for my hands and I gently pushed her away. “Stop it, Bailey.” 

Her face twitched with pain? Sadness? Whatever it was made my stomach drop with guilt. 

“I’m going to grab another beer,” I mumbled before rising to my feet and trekking inside. 

Except I wasn’t looking for a beer. I was looking for someone specific. The bathroom was in a secluded hallway and just as I turned the corner, Y/N retreated from the bathroom with a look of shock on her face when she saw me. 

“H-hi Mochi,” she studdered while shifting on her feet. 

I stopped a few inches in front of her, breathing in her perfume, and my heart began to beat widely in my chest. My eyes drank in the sight of her as I stared down at her. 

“Hi, angel. How’s the pain today?” I wondered. 

It felt like so much happened between us that I almost forgot yesterday she was bedridden in pain before I came over. 

A small smile curved her lips. “I’m alright. The meds seem to be working which helps alleviate the pain.”

“I can run out and get you a piece of baklava or a cannoli if you want. There’s a great bakery about a block from here,” I suggested while leaning against the wall. 

She hummed while drumming her fingers on her arm as she crossed them over her chest; pushing those perfect breasts up higher and my lips twitched with the want to taste them. 

“I’m fine right now but I definitely will take you up on that offer some other time.” 

We stayed like this, staring into each other eyes, for a very long moment. 

The only sound was our deep, synchronized breathing. In this split second in the seclusion of the hallway- fuck was I reminded; that this feeling has and will probably only happen once, and that’s why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory.

The invisible heartstrings that kept us connected made me cup Y/N’s cheek gently, her turning into my embrace as her eyes fluttered shut.

“Angel,” my voice was low. “I’m really sorry about all that; Bailey. I was on the phone with her when Folio brought this whole thing up and before I knew it she was outside my door.” 

Y/N gazed up at me through lashes, shaking her head. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Noah.”

“No, I do because you don’t deserve to be grilled about your life like it’s an interview.” 

“Mochi,” she said softly, grabbing my arm that still held her face. 

“Listen,” I took a deep breath, ready to tell her the truth about what happened last night. “I need to tell you-.” 

“There’s something I have to say-,” Y/N spoke at the same time. 

“NOAH!” Bailey’s voice echoed throughout the lower level of Matt’s house. “Can you bring me a glass of wine, please” 

Y/N seemed to have snapped back to reality because she sucked in a breath, taking a large step away from me. I wanted to reach for her, pull her back into me, and never let her go. 

“I-uh-should get back,” she pointed over my shoulder before slipping away from me; again.

READER

My eyes burned as I walked back into the main area of Matt’s house but almost came to a sudden halt seeing Bailey leaning against the kitchen counter, a huge smile on her face. 

“Hey, is Noah in here? I can’t find him,” she asked. 

“Nope,” I forced a smile on my face. 

Bailey nodded. “Oh also, this might come off awkward but, I have this friend, he’s really nice and I’m thinking it might be nice if you two meet.

“Oh no, no, that’s not necessary,” I vigorously shook my head. 

I didn’t need her help to set me up with anyone; not when the one I wanted was the one she was looking for. 

“Just throwing it out there! He really likes your music and is really attractive. Don’t tell Noah,” she giggled. 

I swallowed thickly, keeping the fake smile on my face. 

“I’m not looking for anything serious,” I began while playing with my necklace between my fingers.  

Bailey waved me off. “Oh, come on. Give him a chance! Maybe just meet him?” 

“I mean,” I sighed, “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to meet him.“

“Cool!” she beamed before pointing behind me. “I need to use the bathroom.” 

With yet another forced smile, I allowed her to walk past me and dared not to look back knowing that Noah was most likely still in the hallway as I walked back outside. 

All it took was one soft touch from Noah to have my heart stuttering, yearning for more than a simple cup of my cheek from him. Last night, it kept playing on a loop in my brain, even when I saw Bailey hanging all over Noah. At first, part of me was furious he’d brought her after what happened between us last night. But then I remembered, what happened between us wasn’t supposed to happen. Whatever this was that he had with Bailey was real. 

But you love him. You should tell him.

I shook my head at the thoughts just as Chase came up to me, my phone in his hand. 

“Your mother keeps texting you.” 

I groaned while taking my phone from him. “I don’t want to deal with her right now.” 

“Everything alright?” He frowned slightly. 

“Noah stopped me inside. I was ready to tell him the truth, about how I feel but Bailey was looking for him,” I sighed while wrapping my arms around myself. 

The sudden LA overcast brought a chill to my bones. 

“Sweets,” Chase rubbed my arms. “Don’t let this stop you.” 

“It’s over, Chase. Noah has her,” I wiped a stray tear away. 

“Y/N, no.”

He reached for me as I walked past him, over to the chair I previously claimed, and threw on the red sweater I bought, not realizing it was the one Noah gave me last night at the fireworks show. 

His suave scent filled my senses and I snuggled deeper into the warmth, noticing the look Jolly was giving me. He was sitting at the table next to me. 

“What?” I raised a brow while glancing over to him. 

He shook his head, a small smile on his lips. “I swear that sweater looks familiar. Like I’ve seen someone else wear it before.” 

Playfully I flipped him my middle finger, which in turn made him chuckle, and when my phone buzzed in my hand I was reminded of the three unread texts from my mother. With a deep breath, I prepared myself for whatever cruel words she sent. 

Mom: Hey it’s me, just checking in. Haven’t heard from you in a while. I know our last talk wasn’t good- I didn’t mean to say those things, but you must see how you pushed me into it.

Mom:  I understand you’re out there living whatever fantasy your dad filled in your head, hope that’s going well. But, please understand where I’m coming from. It’s not a career. You’re not gonna be stable forever. 

My heart burned with anger and hurt as her words cut deep. 

Mom: I want you to be responsible, not live in the clouds. I am pushing you to take life seriously. No man is going to want to marry you- this lifestyle is unconventional and I just wish you would see it. I’m sorry you don’t agree but, one day I think you will.

Mom:  Love you kouklamou.

I scoffed as I read the last text repeatedly. After all those cruel words, she dared to call me her doll?

Bullshit. 

After decades of wishing upon a star for my mother to love me the way I thought I needed. I looked at my innocent childhood and had to face reality. My mother would never be someone I could count on for emotional support. My father was who I counted on, he was the one I could trust would understand me and my mind. She never understood my love for music and my freedom. When they divorced I saw how it tormented him, he was in agony. He tried to pick up the pieces and move on with his life, as hard as it was he was able to. I vowed I would never hurt or feel the hurt he did, the hurt she caused me. But a part of me felt guilty; the little girl who yearned for her mother's love made me stay with her after the divorce. 

Until my eighteenth birthday when my mom told me I was adopted and that there was a part of her that held that against me growing up. My adoptive parents couldn’t have kids so they chose adoption. While my dad loved me like his own flesh and blood, my mother couldn’t look past the part that I wasn't truly hers. 

I never once sought out my birth parents because, to me, I already knew who my parents were. I was distraught at the news that I packed up all of my things and moved in with Chase, who had his own place. This was before Hollow Souls and I’m thankful every fucking day I made that choice because I had no idea where I’d be if I didn’t. 

Growing up, I was taught to love my family and to just accept the love they give. With the passage of time and the dawning of maturity, I began to doubt this kind of unquestioning love. I realized with therapy that what I was doing with Trey wasn’t normal. It was toxic and soul-destroying.  

But now I’m trying, and I won’t stop trying to break that cycle. I have to. Noah seems so different, every tie in my heart feels as if it needs to find him. I seek him unknowingly- I would only hope that with time, I could break that cycle with him at my side.

CHASE

Y/N was talking quietly to Nick, who brought her a blanket from inside since the sun was slowly starting to set, and I knew this was a perfect time. 

I bent low to lay a kiss on Malcolm’s lips. “Did you want anything to drink?” 

“I’ll take another coconut water. Thanks,” he smiled up at me. 

Matt snorted. “Oh, come on you too? Noah loves that shit and I don’t understand why. There’s no flavor to it.” 

Leaving the two of them to get back to their card game, I ran a hand over my buzzed head and slipped inside the house where Jolly was rummaging through the fridge, setting up what he needed for dinner. 

“Any particular reason why she’s here?” I motioned back to the sliding door where Bailey had her arm wrapped around Noah’s as they were talking with Davis and Orie. 

Jolly sighed while setting down the box of pasta. “I don’t know, man. Bailey overheard and next thing he knew, she kind of invited herself.”

“This game that Noah is playing is fucking sick, Jolly. Not only to Y/N but to Bailey as well. Neither of these girls deserves this. If he plans to make Y/N jealous it's fucking working but also going to push her away.”

“Listen, I fucking get it,” Jolly somewhat snapped while setting down the pot full of water.  “Trust me, we’ve all tried to talk to him about this. Noah’s half scorpion, half mule! What do you want us to do? And as for Bailey, I can’t do anything about that. It’s not my place to say anything.  She invited herself and Noah felt bad.” 

With a deep breath, I gripped the counter to keep my own anger in check. It wasn’t fair to Jolly to be on the receiving end of how I felt about this whole situation. 

“You’re right, I’m sorry. Y/N’s my sister so when we see her hurting, it hurts us.” 

Jolly nodded. “I know, I feel the same about Noah.” 

Gazing out through the sliding glass doors, I watched as Y/N nodded along with whatever Nick was saying, every so often stealing glances over to Noah, who was standing almost motionless next to Bailey. She held a glass of wine in her hand, taking long sips every so often, as she listened intently to Bryan as he talked with Orie. No one paid her much attention but that didn’t stop her from being social. 

Poor girl has no idea what she’s caught in the middle of. 

Noah shifted his gaze towards Y/N, almost as if he felt her staring, and when their eyes locked it was only for a brief second before she gave him the cold shoulder, turning away from him. 

Bailey then noticed Noah wasn’t paying attention so she wrapped an arm around his back and left a kiss on his cheek. 

I titled my head, analyzing the interaction between the two of them. Something was different. I wasn't quite sure what, though.

NOAH

The only sound that filled the night air was the clanking of silverware against plates as we all silently ate our dinner. Bailey finished her third glass of wine before reaching for the bottle to refill her cup, something that didn’t go unnoticed by Matt who sat at the head of the table. He raised a brow at me, motioning towards Bailey, and I shrugged in return. 

Y/N sat directly across from me and I noticed that she barely touched her food, simply pushed around her spaghetti with her fork, only taking a few bites here and there. 

Chase, who sat on her left, muttered low in her ear. “You okay?” 

My eyes snapped up from my untouched garlic bread as his words. I knew there was something different with her, I could feel it low inside of me. The pull that connected us vibrated with anger and sadness. 

I tapped Malcolm’s arm, who sat next to me on my left. “Everything alright?”

“Her mom texted her a while ago. The shit she said, Noah, is fucked up. There’s a reason why I called her a bitch. She deserves it.”

“Should I-?” I pointed between us. 

Our voices were hushed so I knew no one could hear our conversation. 

Malcolm shook his head, voice sounding stern. “Just leave it, alright? Give her some time to deal with everything. 

I didn’t miss the look he shot over my shoulder towards Bailey. 

For the next few minutes, silence continued to pass through the entire group, until Chase began drumming an unfamiliar tune on the table with his fingers. 

“Shit,” Jesse said while looking at his phone. “Hollow Souls released a new single?” 

Chase smirked. “Came out earlier today, we haven’t had a chance to bring it up. We could listen to it now if you guys are fine with it?” 

Y/N’s head snapped up away from her plate. “No, they probably don’t want to hear it.” 

Orie snorted. “Are you kidding me? We’d love to hear it!” 

“I didn’t know you were releasing a single,” I spoke to Y/N. 

Our burning gazes locked once again. “You never asked.” 

Ouch. 

Matt hooked up his phone to the outside speaker as the opening notes of their new song began to play, Y/N’s voice dancing against my ears. 

I know it's chemicals that make me cling to you. And I need a miracle to get away from you. I know it's chemicals and I need a miracle. And I'm not spiritual but please stay cause I think you're a saint and I think you're an angel.

I nearly choked on my beer as I set down the bottle with a loud thud. 

You give me something to think about that's not the shit in my head. You're a miracle.

Miracle. 

Transparent hands were at my neck but I love the way you let me breathe instead. Take in your chemicals. You’re a miracle. 

Everyone else besides Y/N faded away to white noise as I drank in the sight of her as she stared back at me. Her lips were parted, short and shallow walls escaping from her chest. Her fingers tapped against the table along with the beat. 

Before dinner, Matt started a fire that burned towards the left of the table, the flames keeping us warm, and I slowly moved my head along to the lyrics. 

But please stay cause you're a glimpse of bliss, a little taste of heaven. 

“Angel,” I murmured under my breath. 

Now she was avoiding my gaze, keeping it directly to her fingers on the edge of the table. Her lips were moving in sync with the lyrics. 

I need a miracle to bring me back to you. I know you're gone now but I still wait for you.

No, I’m not gone. I’m right here! 

My eyes widened as I shook my head slowly, silently begging Y/N to look at me; she needed to know that I wasn’t going anywhere. I was here in front of her. Finally, as the song faded out, Y/N peered up at my through lashes and I choked on a breath, realizing that tears brimmed at the corners of her eyes. 

As everyone gave their praise for the next song, I sat stiff in my seat, not knowing exactly what to say. 

 “I loved it. It sounded amazing,” I finally said with a shy smile. 

Y/N nodded with her lips pulled in a straight line. 

Bailey twirls her pasta and then stuffed the fork in her mouth. “That song was awesome! I just love the direction your music is going lately.”

She swallowed her mouth full down with a large gulp of wine. “It’s a shame Trey didn’t work out with you guys.  I really enjoyed the flair he added.” 

My shoulders stiffened at the mention of his name and I noticed Y/N grip her fork a bit tighter. 

Why the fuck would Bailey bring up Trey- and why the hell did she think she could discuss shit she knew nothing about?

Bailey continued to ramble on. “With everything that happened I mean, it has to be hard to find time to write about things, but you do such a great job.”

Everyone at this large table is silent, not even daring to let out a breath, wondering where the direction this conversation was headed. 

Y/N brought her glass of wine, the same one she’d been nursing all dinner, to her lips to take a small sip as I stared at Bailey, perplexed. 

“Excuse me?” Y/N said. “I apologize, I must have misheard you. Did you say it’s a shame Trey didn’t work out?”

“Well yeah, I can’t imagine being challenged like that, trying to be a female in a male-dominated scene,” Bailey shrugged as if her words had no deeper meaning than they did. 

A fork dropped loudly against someone's plate while Matt scoffed loudly before almost slamming his beer bottle on the table.

“Please don’t misunderstand me!” Bailey shook her head while waving us off. “I just meant it also has to be challenging especially after Trey broke up with you and left like that. The things I found out about the break up is madness.” 

Y/N tilted her head, a low hum falling from her lips. “I don’t feel comfortable talking about this, but I must ask- how do you know all this?” 

Bailey slurped on her noodles. “Oh, well I- I read something here and there on some blogs.”

“There it fucking is.” Matt groaned while sliding his plate away from him. 

I snapped my gaze over towards him, almost recoiling in the darkness in his eyes. 

“Bailey, I think you’ve had enough wine,” I went to reach for the bottle as she began pouring another glass. 

She simply brushed me off, finishing the bottle in her glass. “It’s fine, Noah. We’re simply having a conversation. 

“I would have had our assistant  here if I had known we were doing an interview tonight,” Malcolm joked, hoping to lighten the mood. 

“I’m not trying to interview her. I just think it has to be complicated, especially if Y/N wants a relationship with someone.”

Everyone went still as Y/N and I shared a look when she stopped mid-drink, the low scowl on her lips making me slink farther into my chair, fingers scratching at my thighs in rage. 

A relationship? Why was this even a question? I wanted to get up and drag her out of here- but I was frozen solid in my spot. Almost in shock. I felt everybody’s eyes shift from Bailey to Y/N, then right on me. I caused this- I did this, and I have no one else to blame. She was pushing the limits, no pun intended.

Why Bailey was being so intrusive with Y/N was beyond me. I could feel myself ticking like a grenade.

Breathe, Noah. Breathe. 

5. 4. 3. 2. 1. 

Bailey continued to talk. “Imagine breaking up with someone you were in a band with, then changing things up, and so what if you want to? You guys have every right to but it must be lonely. I saw someone discuss it on Tumblr the other day.”

I took her glass away from her grip and set it on the side of me, near Malcolm. “I think that’s enough now.” 

“What?” Bailey scoffed. “You can’t take my drink away, Noah.” 

My eyes sliced into her. “You’re out of line, Bailey. It's enough.”

“Do you believe everything you read online?” Y/N spoke with a tensed jaw. 

Bailey shifted in her seat.  “No, I didn’t mean it like that!”

I knew Matt was gonna reach his peak soon, I could feel it. I knew it, I sensed it. He was fiddling with his beer, then his hat back to his beer again with his tongue clicking and jaw clenching. I felt like a coward, But I was a master at hiding my anger- however, it was getting there. 

Just before I went to say something, Matt snickered loudly.  

Here we go. Bracing for impact.

“Why don’t you try and say what you do mean,” Matt suggested while leaning his elbows on the table. 

“Noah.” Bailey turned to look up at me, her brown doe eyes begging for help. 

I ran a hand over my face and simply shook my head. 

I could see her face in the flames of the fire and one thought came to my mind; play with fire and you'll get burned.

MATT

I narrowed my eyes at Bailey, heart beating wildly in my chest at the audacity of this girl. She didn’t know anything about any of us, besides what she read online. She had no right to hammer Y/N with the rapid-fire questions. 

“Do you work for metal hammer or something? Why the 20 inquisitive questions based on something you read off a blog? It seems a bit out of place here, don’t you think?” 

“Matt-.” 

Jesse spoke but I held up my hand to stop him. I was on a roll before even starting and no one was going to stop me. 

“I don’t mean to be hostile but why are we all sitting here just letting this shit go on like a run-on sentence? How are you all okay with this shit? Because I know you’re not, Noah.”

He didn’t say a word, simply kept his gaze trained hard on his beer bottle in front of him as he tore away the paper around it. 

“Not trying to be rude, Bailey, but, why would you be reading gossip blogs and Reddit threads about anyone at this table? This isn’t some circus act for you to blab about.” I said. 

I didn’t want to interject, I really didn’t at first- however, it needed to be said. One of the biggest mistakes was this situation right here. The line that was drawn a long time ago and Noah needed to end it. 

When Bailey didn’t say a word, I turned my head towards Noah. “Do you have anything to add, Noah?”

“No.” He grunted under his breath. 

“Discussing anyone’s personal business while referencing blogs seems a bit immature don’t you think?” I questioned.

“Matt it’s fine, it’s okay.” Y/N’s soft voice spoke while reaching a gentle hand on my arm. 

I patted her hand with my own. “I’m just saying, it’s off-putting.”

Bailey’s lips mimicked a fish for a few seconds, stealing glances over to Noah as she silently begged him for help; he didn’t give her an ounce of attention. 

“I’m sorry, truly,” she finally apologized. “I just meant it must be hard as a female to be surrounded by men and having to handle a breakup, especially someone like Trey, and not having support.”

“I have support,” Y/N snapped, eyes slicing into Bailey. ““I have support, a lot of it and I’m offended you seem to believe I don’t. You don’t know anything about me or anything, period.”

“No, I-I know! I just mean to make it easier on you, this li-lifestyle can seem unstable,” Bailey stumbled over her words, thanks to the alcohol. 

“Damn it that’s enough!” I slammed my hand on the table, my anger finally erupting like a fucking volcano.

“Matt, come on man,” Jolly says, trying his best to break the sudden tension.

“No, fuck that. What she just said was disrespectful as hell, not just for Y/N but for all of us. It’s enough now.”

This wasn’t my battle and these weren’t my feelings. But, at least if I could do anything it would be to nip that shit in the ass. She wouldn’t disrespect my friend. She just didn’t belong here, point blank. Maybe this would awaken both of my friends' cobwebs. Go duke it out, and move forward already.

Seeing the hurt look on Y/N’s face, I let out a shaky but calm breath and pushed myself away from the table. I knew that if I stayed here a second longer, I’d say something I’d regret. 

“I apologize,” Bailey spoke quietly. 

“Yeah I know,” I took off my hat to shake out my hair, tossing it on the chair I previously sat it. “But I’m saying my peace as one who has my friends back.” 

I made it all of three steps before spinning on my heels, not quite finished with this conversation. “Also this lifestyle is our livelihood, it’s hard work and my friends out there, the dude you’re casually hanging with’ bust our asses every fucking day because it’s not a game, so when you wake up to your 9-5 tomorrow think about that.”

Dinner officially ruined, I decided to cool off on the other end of my backyard, noticing that everyone had started to either finish their cold food or disperse into other parts of the house. 

Y/N was sitting at the table with Malcolm and Chase as they rubbed her back, her shoulders shaking. While Noah and Bailey were inside the kitchen, she rambled on about fuck know’s what as he stood in front of her with his hands buried deep into his pockets. They talked for another few seconds before she walked away from him, deep into my house. 

I didn’t like the idea of her stalking around the private areas of my house. 

Quicking whipping out my phone, I texted Noah. 

Me: Dude, what the fuck are you doing? Get Bailey out of here.

I watched with astonished eyes as Noah read the text and then pocketed his phone again. 

“Stubborn mule,” I muttered while typing out another text. 

Me: I hope you don’t think that bullshit at dinner was okay. Y/N didn’t deserve any of that. This shit isn’t right. 

I smirked when I saw Noah typing away furiously on his phone. I knew mentioning Y/N would light a fire under his ass. 

Noah: I never said it was right. It’s not fucking okay with me. I have to take care of this shit.

Me: Then do it. 

Glancing back up through my house, I noticed that Noah was gone and Bailey was inside the kitchen, reaching for yet another bottle of wine. I shook my head, appalled and downright aggravated, and stomped my way past the group of my friends, hearing soft cries come from Y/N, which only angered me even more. 

I shut the door behind me just as Bailey poured herself another glass. “Another? Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”

“I just-I needed a little something to take the edge off,” Bailey replied bluntly, knocking back half the glass in one go. 

I nodded while stopping in front of her so she couldn’t avoid my gaze. “Well after a conversation of prying and making the night awkward, I suppose you’d need something.”

She clicked her teeth while setting the glass on the counter. “You don’t like me, do you?”

“It’s not about liking you,” I shrugged. “I don’t care either way. And I mean no disrespect. But you disrespected my friends and their personal boundaries tonight. That’s something I can’t forgive.”

“I apologized-” she began. 

Fuck, I was so sick and tired of hearing an apology from her. To me, it meant nothing. I wasn’t the one that needed an apology. 

“Yeah yeah I know,” I waved her off. “But I’m just saying my peace as one who has my friends back.”

With one final hard stare, I dumped the rest of the wine bottle down the sink and left Bailey alone in the kitchen.

BAILEY

I stood there, frozen and aloof, as I replayed the last twenty minutes in my mind. I never meant for things to go sour the way they had, I only meant to have a simple conversation. I wasn’t used to hanging out with this large amount of people, typically keeping to my small circle of friends, and I tend to usually put my foot in my mouth more often than not; especially today. 

It had been a long time since I’d been with someone in the way I was with Noah. It wasn’t hard for me to let people in, and of course with the first big pair of brown eyes I gazed into, I was hooked; it helped that I was already a fan of who Noah was.

I knew our relationship wasn’t necessarily a relationship, he made that pretty clear from his actions, and words. We never called each other girlfriend or boyfriend, we’ve only kissed a few times, and before last night, we never were intimate. It’s been a few weeks together now and we only had sex once. I enjoyed his company, his friends seemed nice enough besides Matt.

 Y/N, though, was interesting. She was beautiful, talented as hell, and often I admired her, especially from what I’ve read of her. Perhaps, the wine got to me tonight. I spoke a lot when I drank.

After Matt’s lovely conversation, I repeatedly kept going back to last night; the night I spent with Noah. I tried with him, I had been trying to understand what the hell this was; if it was anything.

It sometimes felt like Noah needed me for comfort or something. I can't explain it, but I did everything I could to fill his needs. Last night, before we slept together, I tried to get him to agree to some plans with me.

“We should go hiking tomorrow.” I suggested. 

Noah sat at my island, aimlessly scrolling through his phone, not bothering to gaze up at me, “I already have plans.”

I frowned while setting the beer bottles on the kitchen counter. “Well, we could go to the river if you want to.”

“Next week sometime,” he mumbled. 

I sighed but wasn’t ready to give up. “Maybe we can take a drive somewhere.”

“No.”

“Well, I’m just asking.” I snapped while handing him his beer. 

Noah grunted as he drank half of his beer in one go.

I didn’t fight him when he slipped out of bed later that night. I didn’t argue. A kiss on the cheek and he was gone like the wind.

Movement in front of me brought me back to the present and I saw Noah; those big brown eyes that dragged me into him. His hands were stuffed in the pocket of his yellow hoodie as those eyes were straight in one direction.; Y/N.

Interesting. 

My heart dropped slightly as I watched a faint smile on his face, those brown eyes sparkled in a way that was never directed towards me. 

Noah’s demeanor around me changed often when Y/N was close by. I never could figure out why; I still didn’t know. I couldn’t help but feel jealous as I noticed the way he continued to watch her every movement as she playfully messed around with Malcolm. She was the center of Noah’s attention and I fucking hated it.

I wanted to feel important. I wanted Noah to look at me the way he did Y/N even if it was just for 5 minutes. 

“Fuck this,” I said through gritted teeth before storming through the patio doors. 

NOAH

“Oi, fuck you! Maláka!” 

Y/N ran from Malcolm as he chased her around the edge of the pool, trying to toss her in.

 “I told you, I hate when you talk to me in Greek! I never know what you’re saying!” Malcolm froze momentarily behind a chair; one that was in the way between him and Y/N. 

She stuck out her tongue at him. “Did you not listen to any of the lessons I gave you and Chase?” 

Malcolm shrugged. “It’s a lot to understand. Can you blame me?” 

“She called you a wanker,” Chase stopped his conversation with Bryan and Michael briefly.

Y/N’s giggles echoed into the night air and I watched with a small smile on my lips as Malcolm continued to chase her around the pool. To see her so free and happy after that awkward dinner made my heart warm, it sent heat throughout my entire body.  

Suddenly my face was grabbed and I was pulled down to someone's lips that tasted of red wine. Bailey’s hands wrapped around my neck, deepening the kiss as she forced her tongue into my mouth, and my hands limply grasped her hips so I could push her away. 

Immediately my eyes snapped over to Y/N, who was watching the entire scene with watery eyes. Her and Malcolm stopped their playful banter and Y/N shook her head, giving me her back.  

I then snapped my attention towards Bailey, taking a step away from her. “Why would you do that?”

“Just felt the need,” she shrugged.

“Well, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t do that again.” I cleared my throat while adjusting my sweater. 

Matt waved me over and I took that as an opportunity to leave Bailey. As I walked up to him, he showed me his phone; a picture. It was from earlier today, the sun blasting its strong rays across Y/N as she laid out on her elbows next to the pool. Her bright red bikini, almost blinding with the sunlight. Her boobs were perfect in that top, her entire physique was incredible. However, that damned smile was what got me. It had its hooks dug deep into me. That’s what pulled me in every time. 

Also in the picture was me, sitting on the other end of the pool, and it was clear that I was enjoying the view of Y/N; a large grin plastered to my face. 

“If this is to prove something I already know, you’re wasting your time,” I said while crossing my arms. 

Matt snorted before showing me something else. It was an array of other pictures, all from today, all posted to an Instagram profile; Bailey’s. 

“What the fuck,” I snapped. “She posted pictures?” 

“Yeah, loads of them. I know how you’ve been lately about your privacy so I wanted to show you.” 

A fire burned in my chest as I swiftly turned on my heels, teeth grinding together, as I stormed back over to Bailey. 

“You posted pictures?” 

She was taken aback by my sudden outburst, eyes dancing around us to see if others were listening. 

“I-uh. Yes. I didn’t think you would mind?” 

I narrowed my eyes. “You never fucking asked me.” 

“For fucks sake, Noah. It’s just a picture, it’s not that deep,” she rolled her eyes. 

“It is to me, I don’t want it out there. It’s an invasion of privacy and all I ask is that you fucking respect it.” 

Bailey stiffened slightly. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. I never thought of it like that but I guess stuff like this is really sensitive in your industry. You don’t want the record label to see things you might be doing that you shouldn’t.” 

I gave her a dumbfounded look, appalled that she completely missed the meaning behind my words. How did me saying I want privacy in my personal life correlate to my life in the music industry? 

“It has nothing to do with that,” I said with slight annoyance. “I just don’t want my shit out there without my permission.”

“Why are you acting so weird today? I thought after last night you would be less tense?” Bailey ran a finger down my chest. “I could help ease that tension again. Do you want to come by tonight for round two? Maybe this time we could try a different position where my face isn’t buried in a pillow. I wasn’t a huge fan that way.”

As those dreaded words fell from her lips, Chase happened to be walking past us but froze. My regretful eyes locked with his fiery ones for the briefest of moments. 

“No,” I pushed her hand away from my chest. 

Chase’s jaw dropped, the metal can in his grasp crunching with his anger. 

With my fingers wrapped around Bailey’s, I began to lightly drag her away from Chase.

“I’m taking Bailey home,” I called out. “She has an early shift tomorrow.” 

Unsure if it was all the alcohol or embarrassment from tonight's events but Bailey didn’t argue, simply waved goodbye to everyone as I led her through the gate, towards the front of the house where I was parked. 

“Oh fuck, my purse!” she skidded to a stop. 

With a groan, I ran a hand over my mouth. “I’ll wait for you in the car.” 

As soon as her form disappeared into the house, Chase came storming out from the gate of the backyard, steam blowing out of his ears. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He snapped while shoving me slightly. 

I stumbled back into my car then pushed his hands off of me. “Excuse me? Don’t touch me.” 

“No! I’ve had it with this bullshit,” Chase’s voice echoed throughout the normally quiet street. “I’m done with you treating Y/N like she’s everything you want and all you need. But yet, you’re pulling some college guy crap. That’s my sister out there!” 

He pointed behind him towards Matt’s house. “Do you think she deserves that? For you to make out with her in this car then twenty minutes later you go fuck Bailey?” 

“Stop, stop! Please. Just shut up! Let me explain this!” I held up my hands, trying to get my own thoughts straight. 

The last thing I expected was to have Bailey blab about what we did last night especially in front of someone who was close to Y/N. Regret already weighed down my heavy heart because of my actions last night. Guilt ate away at me for not only using Bailey as an outlet for sex but for Y/N and the way I completely shattered her trust. 

“You better start talking, Noah or I’m going to tell Y/N myself. This is fucking ridiculous,” Chase placed his hands on his hips. 

I nodded. “I will.” 

NICK R.

We waved goodbye to Malcolm and Y/N as they met up with Chase inside, ready to head home after this disaster of an evening. While it had its high points, ever since the awkward dinner, the tension never faltered from how thick it was. So slowly, people were starting to leave. But I hung back with Folio, Jolly, and Matt.

“Are we going to talk about how fucking weird dinner was? What was up with the twenty questions bullshit?” Matt asked, anger still radiating off of him. 

He was always the one to stick up for us whether it be against fans online who thought they had the right to judge our actions or people that did us wrong in our private lives.

“It was a disaster from the moment Noah walked inside with her,” Jolly sighed. “I tried telling him how bad of an idea it was but you know how he is.” 

Folio spoke up next after typing away on his phone. “If we didn’t know Y/N and the kind of person she was, I’d say Noah’s type in women is shit.” 

“He’s growing, it’s just hard for him,” I reminded them with a shrug. 

Matt ran a hand over his face. “We know. It’s just aggravating watching him sometimes.” 

“Y/N and Noah are both so stubborn,” I said. “They’re both flawed people but they’re trying, even a blind person can see that. But despite their differences, they have one important thing in common; they love each other.” 

NOAH

My car eased to a stop in front of Bailey’s apartment, letting it idle for a few moments as I let the continued silence fill the air. The entire drive to her place was quiet. I didn’t even turn the radio on. I needed complete silence to ease my racing thoughts. 

Tired eyes fluttered shut with Y/N’s broken face staring back at me. We had deliberately shifted our relationship from what happened last night. When I woke up this morning, slightly hungover but ready for the prospect of the future, I thought for a moment of coming to Matt’s today and telling Y/N I loved her. But plans changed and my interior rules shifted, almost like brakes on my own desires. 

I knew, however, in order to tell Y/N about how I feel, I needed to get out of this tangled mess I found myself with the person next to me. 

Nevertheless, there was a vague understanding that had to be tactfully broken off before I could be free. If I knew how to do it without Bailey getting hurt, I would have. 

Y/N left the car in such a hurry last night, leaving me with yet another hole in my gut. I was fucking tired of watching her walk away from me; from us. I wanted her to stay with me. Why was that so hard for her? 

Ultimately, my heart was hers by design. The need to control everything pauses temporarily in her presence. 

I knew everything was trash, especially after what happened tonight. I knew that what I was doing with both Bailey and Y/N wasn’t right. It stood firm that the fear of Y/N leaving me in every situation kept me from lifting my foot from the breaks. Everyone suspects themselves of at least one of the cardinal virtues, and this was mine. 

As of last night, I’m one of the few honest people I’d ever know. But it was clear; I not only needed help, I needed a fucking miracle. 

You’re a miracle.

Y/N’s soft angelic voice came flooding back in my mind making my heart race. 

With a sigh, Bailey’s voice broke the quiet air. “You seemed on edge all day today, everything alright?” 

“Me?” I broke my trance away from the empty road in front of me to her. “I’m fine.” 

Her brows pulled together. “You sure?” 

“I mean, besides you giving Y/N a Rock Sound interview tonight, everything went just fine.” 

Bailey’s grip on her bag tightened. “I wasn’t trying to have an interview with her. I was just asking questions.” 

I snorted. “Well, it sounded like an interview to us. Asking her personal questions isn’t cool, Bailey.” 

Her eyes narrowed. “Okay, Noah. Whatever, I get it.” 

“No,” I shook my head while turning my body towards her in the car. “I don’t think you do. But it’s fine.” 

“Why are you being so hard headed about this? We were just having girl talk.” 

“Girl talk?” I scoffed while running a hand over my chin. “I don’t think it was appropriate of you to bring up Trey or her love life. It’s still a sore spot for her. She went through a lot of bullshit with him, some things she’s still dealing with. Something you cant find out on a fucking tumblr blog.” 

Bailey hesitated and I could tell she wanted to say more before nodding slowly. “Alright, I’m sorry.” 

I waved her off. “It’s whatever.” 

Silence fell between us again only this time, it didn’t last as long as the time before.

 “Sometimes when you talk to me, I feel like you don’t even see me,” Bailey admitted while picking at a piece of lint or dirt on her sundress. 

I didn’t answer, only because I didn’t have one for her. Instead, I kept my gaze down at my lap. 

My silence made her chuckle. “Look, a woman knows when a man looks into her eyes and sees someone else”. 

“Now you know I can't give you anything you want. Right?” I lifted my gaze to her, voice dark. “I can’t. Because they’re gone. They’re broken.”

“Who hurt you, Noah?” Bailey reached for me but I shifted myself away from her.

“I’m not discussing this with you,” I replied flatley. 

“Something is breaking your heart; I can sense that.”

“Already broken” I mumbled, not caring if she caught it or not.

“Well,” she cleared her throat. “Are you sure you don’t want to come inside?” 

Bailey’s persistence made me think back to my conversation with Chase. 

“Please Noah, I know feelings and expressing them are hard for you, but understand how selfish this is. It’s hard for Y/N to but if you can’t handle this then, please let her go.” Chase ran a hand over his buzzed head.

“No! I’m not fucking letting her go,” I firmly shook my head, standing my ground against him. 

 Chase sighed. “You tell all of us your feelings except the one who needs to hear it.”

“It’s not that easy, Chase.”

“End the mess you created tonight. It’s not doing anyone any favors,” he scoffed.

Completely ignoring her offer, I cleared my throat. “Listen, before you leave I need to talk to you about something.” 

Something changed on her face; excitement? Hope? 

“Oh? What about?”

“Here’s the thing, this-.” 

I pointed between us just as my phone began to ring. 

“Incoming call from Fish Boy. Answer?”

“Who’s fish boy?” Bailey wondered. 

“Folio,” I sighed while declining the call. “Look, I have to go. I’ll call you tomorrow.” 

To execute my point even further that I was not coming inside with her tonight, I unlocked the door, not bothering to look her way as she slowly left the car. The door was barely shut before I sped away from the curb.

[cobragardens]

I've seen some discussion of how Good Omens is an end-of-the-Cold-War novel, and I've done some Holding Forth myself on how and on what level Show Omens is a queer story and a satire/excoriation of Christianity's central values of authoritarianism and unquestioning obedience, but there's an aspect of of Good Omens that I haven't seen mentioned among the Ineffables yet, which is that Good Omens is a story about two characters coded as English men. It is, to some degree, a story about English masculinity.

We can say this with confidence because 1) the place Aziraphale and Crowley have been quietly going native for the last 1,500 years or so is England (Wessex and later London); and 2) Michael Sheen is audibly Welsh and David Tennant is audibly Scottish, and they have both adopted English accents for their roles.

There's some Word of God on this, too:

and

The accents are a choice. That means the Englishness is deliberate.

Obviously the masculinity is as well, in that Sheen and Tennant are both male and Aziraphale and Crowley default to male-coded for most of the story. And it's English masculinity, English Christianity, and the Cold War spy novel in combination that create the inescapable silence and terrible fear in which Crowley and Aziraphale must exist.

It's not just the eternal warmongering police state and bureaucracy, it's not just that God's left her angels to go feral like pigeons, it's also that Crowley and Aziraphale are coded as English men, and that combination means 1) they do not talk about feelings, ever

My man(-shaped entity) physically cannot say feelings words

David Tennant literally gives Crowley that English stiff upper lip.

and 2) They are a nationality and gender of people who touch and are touched among the least in the world. Like there is research on this, and I read that research in the 90s in a book first published in the 70s, I mean it is not news.

It took 6,000 years and one Armageddon for our beloved, mostly male-coded entities to get to this point--

--and they're both still clearly having a moment about it.

An essay exploring the different English masculinities presented and alluded to in Good Omens--and especially how English masculinity has always had space in it for same-sex love amongst the upper and artistic classes--would be super interesting, but I am not qualified to write it either in terms of depth and specificity of historical knowledge or in terms of my position in the human diversity/power dynamics web (cis bi woman).

[cloudyeventss]

I thought I try my hand at writing a little story about being 141's assistant. I'm not sure where I'm taking this or even if I should continue. Let me knoww but be sweet. This is literally my first attempt at writing anything

Warnings~ cussing, slightly anxious ? Idk

Y/n pov

He's staring right at me. Slouching slightly to his left, strands of blue dyed hair peeking out underneath his hat. He clearly hasn't been sleeping, I can see the dark circles under his eyes. I don't think I’ve seen him blink once. This is too much. Too fucking much I'm starting to fidget with the belt of my purse, shifting back n forth trying to ease my nerves. I'm overwhelmed and overestimated. This bus smells worse than a gas station bathroom, it doesn't help it’s hotter than the damn desert in here, my sweater is starting to itch and the constant sound of the buses bell going off is enough to make my head explode. GOD why did my car have to break down today? sweat is beading my forehead I feel nauseous. GOD DOES THIS MAN EVER BLINK?!? *ding* fuck finally my stop. I've never been more relieved in my life to leave somewhere... stepping outside I feel like I can breathe again not by much though, last night, laying in bed i got a call from my father's friend Laswell telling me to meet her at a Cafe not too far from my home. Usually, I wouldn't be so nervous to see her, being Laswell and my father worked together for the past 10 years. She’s been around quite a few times but this time She spoke about a potential job opportunity as an assistant overseas. I'm not even sure I heard her right, i was a bottle deep into Apothic red wine. Nothing special but drink enough it’ll knock you on your ass. I've been anxious ever since. After finishing my associates degree in mind and body psychology, I wasn't sure I wanted to continue with school. Maybe I just need a break, but I also need a job. I take one final deep breath to attempt to calm my nerves as I wipe my sweaty palms down my jeans. Okay now’s the time to be confident y/n don't freak out .....

There she is sitting with her back against the wall right in between both exits like always. I'd say she's paranoid but with the work she does it's more justifiable. Laswell stands to greet me "Y/n , it's great to see you!" She moves to sit, and I follow. " it's good to see you too Kate, it's been awhile" . Lunch goes by smoothly; it always was easy falling into conversation with her. A red headed waitress with long legs and black trim glasses drops us our check before walking off to tend to her other tables. My eyes follow her as she passes, she's one of those girls who are effortlessly beautiful. Laswell gains my attention again " so your father tells me you are looking for work"

" I am"

"I could use someone I trust"

"Tell me more"

.....

It'd been two weeks since I met with Laswell, and I accepted the job offer. She explained it mainly consist of filing paperwork and doing whatever task ask of me, running errands, and so on. Kate didn't really give me any details of who I'd work for, just that it was four men she trusted with her life and assured me I'd be in good hands. Today's the day I get on a plane and uproot my whole life. I spent every bit of yesterday taking care of last-minute arrangements. I sold my piece of shit Honda to some high school kid . I almost felt bad for taking his money, but I told him of its issues. In a way I'ma miss Johnny. I named my car after a porn star, Johnny Sins. Ha. It still makes me chuckle . My honda wasn't much, but it always got me where I needed to be hints the name. After taking care of my car I went to see my father. He graciously agreed to look after my apartment for me while I was gone. We spent the rest of the evening watching old westerns on TV and saying our goodbyes.

.....

It's only four hours into the flight, and I'm already regretting my decision. I've spent most of the time in the bathroom emptying my stomach while avoiding angry knocks on the door. The taste of bile in my mouth makes me a little less caring about the people outside. Deciding I can't spend the rest of the flight in the bathroom, I pick myself off the floor and do my best to rinse my mouth. Flying has never sat right with me. I like my feet on the ground instead of tempting God. Regardless, I have to tough it out, its not like I can get them to land now. I walk out the restroom, mumbling hushed, apologizes, and take my seat. Just six more hours.. you got this y/n.

[babydollmarauders]

MINE — TREVOR ZEGRAS

request: “Hi! I love your work! <3 Can you make a little comfort fic with Trevor? Like someone said something nasty about the reader and Trevor's relationship like he's not good enough for her and that he couldn't please her like he could, so Trevor gets all protective and fights him and when he comes home, he's all cuddly and clingy because he's scared that the reader is gonna leave him?”

summary: in which y/n sees two new sides of Trevor: protectiveness and fear.

warnings: profanity, fighting

notes: i don’t really know how i feel about this one. i definitely don’t think angst is really my strong suit, but i tried! p.s. i drew a very minimal and light inspiration from Mine by Taylor Swift for this one.

at this point i feel like it’s a universal experience among girls to have a guy friend with an obvious crush on you but you don’t like them that way.

for me, that guy is my friend, Drew. he and i became friends in high school, and when we both enrolled in the same college, i was excited to have a close friend there with me. but in our freshman year things started standing out to me more, the looks that Drew sent me from across the room, the way that he would glare down any guy who so much as looked at me, the way he was quick to drop any other plans in order to hang out with me. and then in sophomore year, i noticed the continuous compliments, the increased touching, and the way that he would start commenting about how ‘special’ our friendship is.

suffice it to say that i was hoping he would get the hint and back off when i started dating my boyfriend Trevor. but now it’s been a year and he’s only gotten more obvious with his advances.

which brings us to tonight. my friend, Lila is hosting an early graduation party at her house and of course our entire friend group is here, including Drew, who’s already drunk, an hour into the party. i’m standing in the living room in a circle of my close friends, all talking about how glad they are to be free from college. we all worked hard to graduate a semester early, and we may have only gotten associate’s degrees but it doesn’t change how done we were with school by the time we got out of our last ever class yesterday. my gaze bounces between my friends and the front door, waiting for my boyfriend to arrive. he just got back from a week long roadie yesterday and i’ve yet to see him since arrived back in town, so he agreed to come and stay an hour before taking me back to his apartment.

“girl, you look like a crazy person with your eyes twitching back and forth like that!” Lila laughs, nudging into my shoulder with her own. “calm down, hun! i’m sure he’ll be here soon.”

“yeah, i know. i’m just excited. i haven’t seen him in eight days.” my smile is weak and it only dims when i catch sight of Drew rolling his eyes. he’s never been one to keep a filter when he drinks. but it’s forgotten when i glance back towards the door and my eyes lock with the subject of our discussion. i bounce on my feet a couple times, waiting for him to make his way over, but i eventually lose my patience when i see him get stopped by a guy. who, based on his passionate gestures, i’m assuming is a fan of the Anaheim Ducks. i watch as Trevor smiles and nods, exchanging words with the random who holds his attention, and i know if i don’t get over there soon it could potentially never end. Trevor could talk about hockey all night if someone would let him, which i have on numerous occasions. sending one more smile over to my friends, i step towards my boyfriend, but i’m rooted in place by a hand wrapping around my wrist, pulling me back.

“what are you even doing with him y/n/n?” i spin back around at Drew’s voice.

“what?” i pack a mighty bite into my one worded response, but Drew obviously doesn’t seem to catch it.

“he’s not good enough for you. you literally just said he left you alone for eight days.” he looks up and scowls over my shoulder, probably looking at Trevor. “i could treat you so much better than that pretty boy does.”

i’m stunned into silence at his outburst. my lips open and close, and i’m begging for something, anything, to come out. he’s never been this up front about his feelings for me, and i had naively hoped that he never would be. taking my silence as an invitation to keep going, Drew speaks once again.

“could definitely please you better than he could too.” my blood boils, and i swear i see red. but before i can jump to the defense of my boyfriend, i’m lightly pushed to the side and i look over in time to see Trevor barreling past me, straight to Drew. He shoves him but Drew’s hand is still gripped on my wrist, making him pull me forward when he stumbles.

“get your hand off my girlfriend before i remove it for you, asshole.” Trevor’s voice is low and he speaks between clenched teeth. “i’ve put up with your pining glances and your barely subtle remarks for this long, because she’s too nice to say it to your face, but i will. she’s not interested in you. she never will be. and the fact that she’s made that clear multiple times and you still won’t back off doesn’t make you ‘persistent’. it makes you a creep.”

Drew lets go of my arm but it only takes one look at him to guess his next move, and before i can warn Trevor or pull him out of the way, Drew’s fist connects with his face. i gasp, my hand flying up to cover my open mouth, and feel myself being pulled back from the brewing fight by dainty hands. Lila’s, i assume.

Trevor doesn’t go down, instead he just laughs, like Drew’s punch was nothing but a bee sting. Drew’s face pinches in confusion at Trevor’s reaction, but he doesn’t get much time to ponder it before Trevor throws his own punch directly at Drew’s nose. i hear the crunch before Drew’s body crumples to the floor in two seconds flat. my wide eyes scan the scene in front of me, my boyfriend shaking out his hand, no doubt bruises will line his knuckles in the morning, and blood dripping down Drew’s face.

“you can talk your shit about me, you can curse my name, hit me, i don’t care. but you keep your hands off my damn girlfriend.” Trevor spits out, looking down his nose at my now ex-friend, before he turns around. he takes ahold of my hand and marches out of the house with his head held high. i glance back at my other friends, my eyes still as wide as saucers and my lips mouthing silent apologies. Lila waves her hand in a dismissive motion, shrugging her shoulders, shaking her head, and mouthing her own words of ‘it’s okay’.

Trevor leads me to his car, opening the passenger door for me as if it’s just another date night, before jogging around and sliding into the drivers seat.

the drive back to his place is done in silence, and i make no attempts to break it. i can feel the energy radiating off of him. no longer hostile, but still tense. when we arrive, i trail behind him into his apartment. Trevor walks into his bedroom, mumbling something about getting changed and grabbing me a change of clothes, and i stand in the living room. his friend/teammate/roommate, Jamie, sits on the couch, locked into a video game but spares a quick glance at me.

“hey, you guys are back early.” his focus is immediately turned back to his game, and i’m not sure he expects a response but i reply anyways.

“yeah. it’s, uh, been a night.” Trevor is back quickly, handing me a pair of sweats that i left here and one of his t-shirts.

“you can go ahead and get changed and then we can watch a movie in my room.” he plants a kiss on my forehead, his lips lingering for a few seconds before he pulls back. i nod and walk down the hallway to his room, closing the door behind me. i take a couple minutes to change before opening the door and peeking my head out.

“you can come in, Trev.” i call down the hallway, and it’s not but a second before i see him jogging down the hall. he enters the room and jumps onto the middle of the bed, patting the space beside him.

“come cuddle with me. tell me everything i missed while i was gone.” i crawl up the bed, snuggling close into his arms and he tightens them around me, pressing my face to his chest.

“we talked every day.” i laugh. “i think you know more about what happened while you were gone than some of the people who were actually here.”

Trevor chuckles for a few moments before he speaks again, his voice somber.

“you know i hate having to leave you, right?” i look up at his face, about to make a joke but see the guilt-ridden expression on his face.

“yeah, no, i know that. it’s your job, Trev. does it suck being away from you? sure. but you’re good at what you do and the team needs you.” i raise my hand to his face, brushing my thumb against his cheek.

“are you upset? about what i did?” he looks so fragile, like my next words could make or break him.

“what? punching Drew? no. honestly, it brought me some relief.” i confess. “i’ve always been too afraid to outright reject him. i never gave any reason to think i liked him, so i thought maybe he would take the hint that i didn’t have those kinds of feelings for him. but obviously i was wrong. i feel way more guilty than i am upset. if i had just told him i didn’t like him, there wouldn’t’ve been a reason for you to have to fight him.”

“don’t.” the word comes out stern. his voice dropping into what almost seems like a growl. “don’t blame yourself. you may not have explicitly stated that you didn’t like him like that, but you showed it over and over again in your actions. i’ve seen the way you pull away from his touches, how you make up excuses to distance yourself when he says something too romantic, the faces you pull when he talks about how ‘special’ your friendship is. not to mention the fact that you have a boyfriend, and yet he still pulled that shit.”

i nod along to his words and press my head back onto his chest.

“so, you’re really not mad at me?” he asks.

“i’m really not mad at you. why would i be? you protected me. i’m grateful for you.” he gives me a brief squeeze, laying a kiss on the top of my head.

“i know how long you guys have been friends. i don’t know, i guess i thought maybe you would be mad that i may have ruined your friendship with him. i know you’ve chosen me before but-” his drops into a whisper before he speaks again. “i thought you might choose him over me this time.”

i pull back, shifting up in the bed more so that my face is directly in line with his. cradling his face with my hands and placing my forehead against his, i look into his eyes.

“i’ll never leave you alone.” i whisper. “Trev, you mean so much to me. is it gonna be different not having Drew as a friend anymore? yeah, i’ve known him since i was fourteen. but by now, with how he and i’s friendship was going, it never would’ve lasted. but you, you make me so happy. you make me feel seen, and heard, and loved. i love waking up next you, and going on coffee dates, and our movie nights. i love talking with you about stupid things, and staying up listening to you talk about your games. i love celebrating wins with you, and i love that you let me be there for you after a loss. i never loved him the way i love you. i would always choose you.”