#but we are setting up the tree with her
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my mama has surgery tomorrow i wish her luck ❤️❤️
#we won’t be able to do thanksgiving with her she won’t be mobile :(#but we are setting up the tree with her#so she won’t miss it#love u mama#☎️
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Child Danny by degree of the eyeguys to have him at peak power for the future but he somehow gets forced to live with Wes Weston.
Wes forced to adopt Danny is the funniest shit. Spent his life trying to out the guy now hes legally responsible for the guy. Whos very smug for someone who can’t even use the coffee pot.
Danny isnt too happy to be forced back to a 6 year old. His new slightly more emotional body is maybe acting out a little ok sue him.
Wes is now so torn between finally being able to prove himself right and keeping his now ?child? Safe.
Danny btw still denies being anything but a normal guy.
#danny phantom#danny fenton#wes weston#idk im kinda distracted cause my mom said it was just three of us#anyway like 12 people are coming and I wanna burn this place to the ground#my auntie got a devorce??? I thought that was her brother lmao#no no liz it aint gonna be no big event ok just a small dinner#anyway we have a turkey and a ham#liz u gotta make this and liz can u set up the tree#hey liz put up the lights#ok the yelling had hardly started#I could just leave but I brought the ham and ill be damned if I don’t eat some#though I don’t wanna be here#someone quickly set my hair on fire
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im actually in tears i just received news the cat i was going to adopt literally this saturday somehow got pregnant 😭😭😭 i was so ready for her this is genuinely devastating
#i actually was about to cry but then my coworkers were there#so i had to suck it up#;-;#im kinda pissed the owners didnt get her spayed the moment i said id adopt her#and im pissed i had to wait to adopt her bc of this work trip i dont even wanna be on#i was in fact white knuckling it till i could get her#i had all her toys and food and cat tree set up#and they were like we can give u another kitten#and maybe a cat is just a cat#but idk it also just isnt
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Need someone to make a “you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me” meme but with old school runescape
#GOD it was such a ride#my first ever account got hacked by someone who was doing that ‘runescape censors your password even if you type it backwards’ scam lol#another time i got scammed in a trade#someone pretended they were going to give me this whole set of armour in exchange for some gems i had#then took them back at the last second so i lost my gems#it was just uncut emeralds but i was really upset about it#i hadn’t figured out what to do with them yet so i thought they were valuable#some people there were SUPER nice though#i remember cutting down some trees on a new account; trying to get my woodcutting skill up#and a level 3 person with the default avatar walked up and started cutting down a yew tree. i & everyone else around was shook#someone said like ‘yo are you a bot or an alt or something’ and he said ‘oh i just don’t train combat. i don’t find it interesting’#he had like level 70 in woodcutting and a lot of others but never did combat#i also befriended somebody who was way higher level than me just randomly and we used to talk whenever we were both online lol#i complimented her ‘socks’ (actually boots) and she straight up showed me the dungeon you can go through to get them#which was awesome#and then when the grand exchange opened i lost like a weekend of my life#i was always getting nerfed by random events as well. that was the other thing#i really miss it sometimes. i don’t miss how grindy it was though#i think that was why i liked to train combat. it felt like less of a grind because you could break it up by picking up loot and organising#your loot. i used to always train prayer by burying the bones as well lol#on my best account i had probably level 20 prayer due to this#tl;dr you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me (2006 runescape)#personal
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mutuals download seek the app seek and come over and walk around and identify plants and bugs and fungi with me. the app can identify birds and other animals too but they're a little harder to identify cuz you have to get kind of close and get a good angle for the app to identify it. and if you get too close to, say, a cardinal, it's gonna fly away and you won't be able to get a good enough picture of it. but we should walk around. and look at mostly plants. and also get merlin and we can identify bird calls. while we're at it.
#I DID THIS RECENTLY. with one of my moms.#i was having a shit ass trash ass day from hell. day from HELL! from h e double hockey sticks.#and i got her to download seek + we walked around her neighborhood and identified plants#i go over there kind of a lot but once we started looking at flowers#we started noticing trees too. and then the bugs on the flowers. and the mushrooms growing on the tree. and how#beautiful all of them were#and the sun was starting to set and the fireflies made their entrance it was so wonderful#and we walked around and talked about how she's trying to set up two of her friends#and we walked by a house with a light on on the second story. and an open window#and someone very earnestly practicing what i think was a viola?#and right next to their house was a kind of unkempt rose bush#but i walked past it and it smelled so sweet. just how i remember#and i was like HEY!!! come back over here!!!!! you need to actually stop and smell these roses!!!!!#and we did! and it was better. i felt better#ANYWAYS. MUTUALS COME OVER AND LETS DO THAT
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last night i had a dream that had something to do with reading a fic abt . well i wanna say "a haunted forest diner" but i've already written a haunted forest diner fic and it was not at all like that. anyway, it was this haunted forest diner fic in the sense that all its patrons were old forest gods of like decay and shit and in order to sneak in, you had to transform into like a deer, and apparently i was a supremely graceful jumper for a stag
but anyway i dreamt that that was a fic that i had apparently read and commented on months ago, but for w/e reason i had never read the replies to, and the author had replied that i seemed like a cool person n that they would have loved to have read some stuff i had written "but it seems you do not have any genshin works up..."
and honest to god all i could think upon reading that was literally "lol skill issue"
#and then i dreamt that i got one of those defeat the 8-12 hilichurl comms in genshin n i was like fine fine w/e#but after killing two i somehow figured out that they were not trying to kill me but instead trying to kidnap me to be their medic#and i was intrigued enough to be like 'okay' n sat down on this white blanket thing they had set aside for me#n one of my friends (don't remember who) was like 'yo you good?' n i was like 'yeah they just want me to be their medic'#n my friend looked at me suspiciously n was like 'well the comm isn't over you have six more to kill but if you need me i'll be over there'#n she pointed to where the trumpets i knew in high school (minus cody? i think?) were having sectionals under some trees#it was definitely trumpet sectionals but for whatever reason my brain decided to edit out cody So fucking True get redacted idiot#anyway so i just waited around in the warm sun untild a bunch of humanoid creatures started coming down the hill#i think they were supposed to be bosses or smth but none of them are in gnshn even tho we were def in mond or liyue by this point#and they all had different colored faces but anyway my friend was like 'THIS IS WHY WE HAVE TO DEFEAT ALL THE HILICHURLS!!!'#'BECAUSE IF WE DON'T THEN THEY'RE JUST BUYING TIME FOR *THESE GUYS* TO COME!!!!'#n i was like 'oh shit!!' n we started fighting them n they were really tanky but we got most of them except for the blue one#and so i went back to the haunted diner place n entered it as a human n went upstairs where i found the author in my dreams#n she said that we couldn't talk long bc the blue guy was after me but she'd distract it by joining its side#and also there was like this whole subplot in between abt like uhhh exchanging love for power i think? idk i don't remember rn#i just remember that the author temporarily exchanged some of her like. goodwill or smth to buy me time to prepare for my fight#with the blue guy and so i hiding in the bathroom listened w my ear pressed against the wall as she became corrupted n then it was#my turn to fight the blue guy n i opened up the door n stuff but then i woke up :c#anyway so that was MY dream diary for today everyone leave your own recent dreams in the replies and we can have a discussion lol#花話
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Last night I tried to tell my mom that she was racist and Islamophobic.
She replied with I’m not racist! They really do specifically go to school into this one university so that they learn to make bombs. (she believes this because of FUCKING HOMELAND SECURITY I HATE AMERICAN TV SO MUCH)
So I told her how would she feel if someone called me a gold digger because I was a Filipino and she started to protest strongly then I immediately said you’re doing the same fucking thing. You’re judging an entire group of people based on terrorists. Just because there are terrorists doesn’t mean every Muslim or middle eastern person is a terrorist.
Just when I thought she was understanding it she replied with “but they really do that though...”
To every Muslim I’m sorry about my family and everyone like them. They really do not have the ability to comprehend some things.
#honestly im so surprised that i didn't curse in that entire conversation#we were talking about this while wrapping christmas gifts for her christmas party#when i arrive in simala im going to take her homeland security dvds#and set it on fire#or cut it up to tiny pieces and turn it into a weapon#or maybe i can use it as a throwing knife and just destroy it by playing dvd darts with a tree
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there’s something very comforting in going from talking on skype until three in the morning almost every day to reaching out once every few months and yet. it feels like nothing has changed.
#reed.txt#i feel like we could catch right up where we left off and it'd be fine#one of my best friends in the world who i've never even met in person and it's been like. thirteen years.#i dunno it's just like. people exist outside of you.#shit happens and sometimes people you thought were going to be a daily staple become. not that.#you can keep in touch and talk and update each other and it's. i dunno. sometimes people are meant to leave#and open that space for someone else who fits better. who. who settles you and makes you feel comfortable and at ease.#it's just. the knowledge that things change but the cores of humans remain (mostly) the same#i know if i asked her for advice she'd happily give it (because i did this a couple months ago)#and she sends me horse things saying 'this made me think of you' and i don't know!!#everything is okay!!! everything is going to be okay!!! that's the WHOLE POINT#the sun rises and sets and the earth spins and it will be cloudy and rain but there will be sunshine and clear skies#and there will be nights so ink black you can't see and they feel suffocating#and there will be nights so lit up by the moon and stars you have to shield your eyes#some people are meant to be cyclical in your life#they are meant to ebb and flow like tides#and sometimes if you're lucky you find a person or maybe a few#who become a forest of trees#stalwart and tall and you can sink to your knees and know that they will remain#you have people that shift and warp and people that never once flicker#i dunno i dunno i'm spewing out words but i just. not everyone you meet is going to be a constant is the poinst#*point#but when you find someone who is a tree or a lighthouse or. or.#or someone who makes you feel so SAFE you can't take it you have to keep them close#the amount of people i've met and been 'i want you in my life forever' is very few. my forest is small. but it is made up of people#who bring me so much inner peace and who i love so very much
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arys is so down bad for visenya and u know what? i think thats such good energy for her <3
#oc: arys amaranthine#new house and new clowns wksjjzhz#they wed a month or so after aeg’s passing in 37 ac <3 at last getting to marry the love of her life etc#congrats on the witchy the coolest dragonrider and warrior queen arys <3#yes we are talking about THE queenie hehe <3#he also has a sister i am setting up with o*rys <3#but no yea arys was like giggling kicking feet twirling hair and u know what? AS HE SHOULDD ❣️❣️😌#leg is back to yelling and screaming about their babies#im feeling more comfortable again u know? therapy works wooonders besties ✨😖#cause i had wiiiicked burnout for so long? u know? BUT ANYWAY#i need to start developing the amaranthine and finish the ilmestys family tree <3 THEYRE BOTH EXTENSIVEE akajjzhx#leg.txt#leg.ocs
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Welcome to Winter Friday in the Chill Valicer Save, aka The Proper Grand Opening Of The Grocery Store! We have a lot to get through, as per usual, so let's get to it --
-->Since I started with Victor and Alice snoozing away and Smiler singing into the rec room microphone after storing their latest frog acquisitions, I took the opportunity to put away all their non-decoration-box Winterfest decorations (Smiler took down the decoration box ones later); buy them a new tree to decorate next Winterfest (hopefully this one doesn’t go up in flames too); sell the unnecessary fridge, microscope, and karaoke machine in the household inventory (Clement Frost, bring better presents next year!); and buy a new rug for the downstairs (I couldn’t remember which rug they’d had originally, so I found another big one with a pattern I liked -- though I'm actually second-guessing my choice now, especially with that color scheme). I actually want to give the house another small makeover now that they have some money and can afford to upgrade even more furniture and whatnot, but I’ll save THAT for a future update!
-->With that all sorted, I decided that I should probably let Victor and Alice sleep until about 5 AM or so in an attempt to get them on a better sleep schedule. This meant it fell to Smiler to take care of the earliest morning chores -- namely, starting the laundry (and making sure to put a snow drop into the washing machine to guarantee it all smelled nice), refilling the pet bowls (one was out entirely, and the other dispensed its last bowl right after Smiler filled up the other one), and entertaining Surprise and Shadow (after Shadow came in from her chilly nap on the porch, anyway! Why'd you decide to sleep out there next to your own poop and pee, dog?). Ah, the curse of being the one Sim in the family who doesn't have to sleep at all...
-->Not that Victor and Alice are sleeping much, because their excellent bed meant they were up by 4:45 AM anyway. XD I figured that was close enough and had Victor check on Smiler’s Sixam Mosquito Trap plant Snappy (all good) before going downstairs to make himself breakfast (fruit and yogurt parfait, yum yum :D), while poor Alice got to clean out the upstairs litter box and then run down to the back porch to lecture Surprise on drinking from puddles. Specifically, the puddle that Shadow left there. *grimace* Fortunately, Surprise listened and learned not to drink from puddles at all, and Alice was able to clean up the mess with no further “gross pets” incidents. XD I figured things would go pretty smoothly from there --
-->And then I got a message from the game claiming Moory had been unhappy for a while and might be leaving if she didn’t receive an increase in her quality of care. I was like "what?!" and sent Smiler over to investigate. Turns out she was dirty, and since she hadn’t come out of her shed the other day (due to the blizzard -- I mean, can't blame her), she’d been dirty for longer than she wanted to be. Smiler cleaned her off, then made sure she had enough attention by asking about secret cow worlds and suchlike, which fortunately she found amusing. Hopefully that convinces the cow that she’s appreciated around the farm!
And, of course, if the cow was unhappy, the chickens might be too! They didn't have a great day in the blizzard either. So Alice got sent to make sure the coop was clean, the feed was spread, and everybody was well-socialized. Gotta take good care of your animals, after all! Especially if you haven't gotten the upgrade parts necessary to upgrade their coop/pen. (Really gotta start doing Finchwick errands again...)
#sims 4#the lazy save#victor van dort#alice liddell#smiler always#a busy day in the 'Chill' Save as always#for those of you wondering why the tag for this series is 'the lazy save'#I swear the updates used to be one or two posts long XD#then everything happened with Smiler and setting up the farm and NOW#well yeah#anyway yes fairly typical morning around the Valicer farm#even with Moory threatening to run away if her needs weren't met#cow I can't tell if you need a brush if you don't come out of your shed#I understand it was utterly MISERABLE the other day but still#you have to venture out so I can check your status!#but at least she was easily appeased#and Surprise learning not to drink from puddles was very good#always teach your animals to avoid strange liquids#we will all be happier for it#and yup new Winterfest tree waiting for next year#won't be 'officially' lighting that one anytime soon I promise you!#hopefully we can avoid more fires going forward#queued
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teehee what if i put all 3 of my 'oc' things 2gether. maximum autism,
#only 1 of them is like. Ocs. and its my 2 fags ive been thinking abt. theyre so fucked up and originally they were set in eye are elle but#i mighttt put them into my beautiful world name still pending. and thats be a perfect way to show my world over an extremely long period of#time.. Awwww yeah its all coming together#my other project is ive just been making up a family tree for fun which i could probabyl transplant into my world. but idk if i rly will#that one is funnnn but its quite grounded in our world like. i like doing a ton of research for each person on the tree and fleshing them#out . like they r technically original characters bc theyre characters im making up but they arent like. ocs. yk. its just fun 2 work on#and a fun way to research history So yeah. shoutout to my girl mallaidh-áine maddigan.. loveee her#<- her first husband killed himself after losing their daughter but then she found out she was PREGNANT and had the baby like 7 months#after losing both her husband and daughter.. she also has another son her oldest but i havent thought abt him much hes lame. idk..#but yeahh then she remarried and had 6 more kids ^_^ but its cutesiee the son who was born after the dad doid is named after him.. the dads#name was alonso so the sons name is also alonso but they all call him lonnie its very cute basically and lonnie is in fact my good friend.#i think he might be gay.. much 2 think about. we will see
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You know what's one thing I'm disappointed we never got in Merlin? After the troll episodes, the entire event was never brought up again!
I mean, I understand if the people of Camelot would rather forget about the whole thing, but Arthur had a troll for a stepmother for like a week and Merlin never teased him about it later on?!
I would really like to write a fic or au some day set in the Golden Age where it's discovered that dragonlords got their powers from being descended from ancient powerful dragons that shapeshifted in humans and had half-human children.
And Arthur's reaction is to turn to Merlin and go "So what you're telling me is that one of your ancestors was deranged enough to sleep with a dragon? That certainly confirms my theory that your insanity is passed down through your blood."
And of course Merlin immediately fires back, "And remind me Sire, which of our family trees includes a troll?"
Arthur sputters for a moment before shouting that that doesn't count, she enchanted his father and the whole thing was a trick, before Geoffrey pipes up and says, "Actually sire, as it was an official wedding, Queen Catrina the Troll was officially added to the Pendragon family tree. And as the marriage was never formally annulled before her death, she cannot be removed from the record."
Arthur's left horrified by this, while Merlin's laughing his ass off.
I just think a scene like that would be neat!
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"The Lower Ninth Ward of New Orleans has recently witnessed an incredible eco-renaissance following decades of damage and neglect.
Led by a local community development group, a 40-acre wetlands park has been restored to glories past with hundreds of local trees that attract over a hundred species of birds, plus joggers, picnickers, and nature lovers besides.
The story begins with Rashida Ferdinand, founder of Sankofa Community Development Corporation (CDC). Growing up in this historic part of New Orleans, where Black homeownership thrived, where Fats Domino was born, and where locals routinely went out into the wetlands to catch fish and crustaceans, she watched as it suffered from years of neglect.
Poor drainage, ruined roads, illegal trash dumping, and unmitigated damage from hurricanes slowly wasted the wetland away until it was a derelict eyesore.
In the name of restoring this wild heritage indicative of the culture in the Lower Ninth, and in order to protect her communities from flooding, Ferdinand founded the Sankofa CDC, and in 2014 entered into an agreement with the City of New Orleans for the restoration of Sankofa—a 40-acre section of neglected wetlands in the heart of the Lower Ninth.
The loss of Sankofa’s potential to dampen flooding from storms meant that over the years dozens of houses and properties were flooded and damaged beyond the ability of the inhabitants to recover. Forced out by a combination of nature’s fury and government failure, the cultural heritage of the community was receding along with the floodwaters.
Ferdinand knew that restoring natural flood barriers like Sankofa was key to protecting her community.
“Hurricane protection is a major concern in the community, but there’s a lack of trust in the infrastructure systems that are supposed to protect us,” Ferdinand told the Audubon Society.
Today, Sankofa Wetlands Park is a sight to behold. Hiking trails snake through a smattering of ponds and creeks, where bald cypresses and water tupelo trees continue to grow and cling to the ground even during storms. Picnic benches have appeared, wheelchair-accessible trails connect sections of the park to parts of the Lower Ninth, and local businesses are seeing more visitors.
It needed a lot of work though. Thousands of invasive tallow trees had to be uprooted. 27,000 cubic meters of illegally dumped trash compacted into the dirt had to be removed. A 60-year-old canal dug by the US Army Corps of Engineers had to be disconnected, and all new native flora had to be planted by hand.
Audubon says that Ferdinand routinely can’t believe her eyes when she looks at the transformation of Sankofa into its current state.
“Seeing butterflies, birds, and other pollinators in the park is a sign of a healthy ecosystem,” she says. “All we had to do was create the right conditions.”
Slated for official completion in 2025 with an outdoor amphitheater, interpretive signage, and additional trails, Ferdinand and the CDC have their eyes set on an even larger area of wetlands to the north of Sankofa.
Along the way, Ferdinand and the CDC attracted many helping hands, and entered into many partnerships, But the catalyst for change arose from the spirit and determination of one woman in the right place at the right time, for the benefit of hundreds in this historic heart of a historic city."
-via Good News Network, September 17, 2024
#new orleans#louisiana#nola#united states#wildlife#wetlands#ecology#ecological restoration#conservation#good news#hope
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[ID: drawings of a golem animated by a palestinian flag painted on its forehead. it is seen: holding out its arms protectively in front of a crowd of children, the children also hold each other supportively; catching an air strike missile from the air and throwing it away or crushing it in its fist; turning its back so that a child can warm her hands by the earth oven built into its back, food in a pot is cooking on the fire and a boy holds a cup of steaming tea to his face and enjoys the aroma; clearing away rubble so a man can help up his wife who was buried underneath, she is clutching a baby to her chest; stooping down to look at a kitten a young boy is holding up to show it; and dissolving small flakes of clay from its finger into a glass of water, purifying it. end ID]
@fairuzfan asked people to create and share art for the strike. i wrote an artist statement and then set about trying to draw what i envisioned. artist statement below.
This golem is a protector that I wish I could gift to the children and adults in Gaza. The flag on its forehead is to show that love for the Palestinian people is an animating force for people fighting for a free Palestine all over the world, especially for those in Palestine who are trying to free themselves and their people. Love is the motivation for the call for a free Palestine, not hatred like people try to claim. It is very strong and fast and can catch air strikes out of midair and crush them to dust or throw them back in the direction they came from. It can lift all the rubble of a collapsed building very quickly so nobody can get trapped underneath. It has an earth oven in its back with an ever-burning flame that people can use to warm themselves and cook food and heat water to use to bathe themselves or make tea. Pieces of its clay can be crumbled up and mixed into water to make even the most brackish and unclean water pure and safe to drink.
The golem is always a bit of a tragic figure so I don't imagine it staying around forever once Palestine is free and it is no longer needed. I think it would use its great strength to help rebuild the destroyed houses, churches, schools, universities, hospitals, and mosques and then dive into the Jordan river and dissolve. It would clean the river of all pollution and make the water splash up over all the newly replanted fruit trees, causing them to grow big and strong. Its love for Palestine and its people can be tasted in the fruit they grow for generations.
I choose a specifically Jewish icon of protection because of how it feels to witness such horrors done in the supposed name of Judaism and the Jewish people. For many anti-zionist Jews, we feel like we are acting directly within the teachings of our stories and communities by opposing this genocide. It is difficult to understand how the very people and institutions who taught us these values now fight against them so fiercely. While obviously I would still oppose Israel were I not Jewish, the way I oppose Israel is directly informed by my Jewishness. I hope that someday, somehow, Judaism can bring as much joy and support to the Palestinian people as it has brought grief and destruction. That Jewish symbols used in the name of love and justice will bear more significance than the ones used in shows of hatred. Knowing the depth of the harm caused, I do not know if this is possible. But this artwork and everything I have dedicated myself to these past few months and continue to dedicate myself to in the future is born from this hope. I love you. Thank you for being on this planet with me. From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free! And it will be beautiful.
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A little heartbroken by the news, not going to lie.
But I'm going to keep creating for this fandom, because the characters have made a place in my heart, and I suspect they'll stay there for a good long while. This show and the fandom have been such a joy to partake in during a really rough time in my life, and I appreciate that more than I can say. I appreciate all of you who make the fandom what it is, too.
I guess in the end, Season 2 gets to be whatever we make it. So you know what? Let's all share our Season 2s. Nobody's going to stop us or tell us we're wrong.
So here we go. The Season 2 in my heart, in no particular order:
Desire shows up and puts Charles Rowland through the absolute wringer. He is losing his entire mind, he wants Edwin so bad. This boy has 17 different crises and finally a realization that he has been head over heels for some decades and he is just an idiot, actually
Payneland confession and a first kiss
They get Niko back from the Neitherlands. She's some flavor of undead, and she is having a grand old time, actually
Jenny sets up a butcher shop in London and goes on a date that doesn't try to kill her. With the Night Nurse
Crystal has a corruption arc with David buried in her soul-tree soil and at first they don't realize what's going on, but in the end the boys find a way to go into her heart-space and help her resolve the problem
The boys dance on-screen with some of those skeleton choreography dances
Mick mysteriously also has a shop in London. It straddles time-space and also realms. The characters are all ????? but no one ever figures out wtf is going on with that
Tragic Mick saves the day like a big damn hero with a bazooka like in the comics
The Cat King is around, generally being his trickster self, causing problems for funsies. He dies again and comes back as a fluffy white cat with glam white fur clothes
Charles gets kidnapped somewhere and Edwin has to go and save him. It's very dramatic and parallels S1 Ep7
Monty makes a showing in crow form. He has so many cute bird mannerisms. He gets fluffy in the London cold
The boys return to St. Hilarion's. They find their respective remains and come to terms with their deaths. They decide that, however tragic their deaths were, it led them to the only place they'd want to be: together
Crystal and Niko lay the boys to rest side by side, under the same headstone
#dead boy detectives#dbda#payneland#edwin payne#charles rowland#crystal palace#niko sasaki#tragic mick#jenny green#the cat king#monty the crow
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When ogres travel, they do so in human shape.
They hate doing this. They think it’s beneath them. But they do it anyway.
The Vicomte Graoul de Saucisson – and this is another thing about ogres. Ogres as a species are nobility. There is no such thing as a low-born ogre. There is always room in the ogrish peerage for another vicomte, another prince, another branch to tie to the rotted tree – strode up to the chateau in human shape. The roses in the garden shivered as he passed by. The huge, high doors opened by themselves and he walked through them without a shift in his stride.
When the doors slammed shut behind him, he moved to shrug the shape off his shoulders like a coat.
Then he saw the woman.
He froze. He stared. She stared back.
He slowly pulled the shape back on. “Who are you?” he asked.
She looked mildly appalled. “Who are you?” she asked. “What are you doing in my home?”
“Your home? This is–” He stopped. He reconsidered. “I am the Vicomte de Saucisson,” he said. “I’m looking for the Marquis de Pamplemousse. He is a… colleague of mine.”
“Oh,” she said. She could’ve looked more abashed. “I’m sorry, monsieur, he’s never mentioned you before. You must be here to share your congratulations, of course, I can fetch him right away.”
“He’s never mentioned you either,” the vicomte did not say. “Of course,” he said. “Congratulations. What about?”
She seemed surprised. “Have you not heard? Monsieur, the curse on my husband has been lifted.”
He stared. His lips started to form the words “What curse,” and then there was a sound like a horse falling down a set of stairs and a man he had never seen before wearing the marquis’s clothes came barrelling down the hall.
“Vicomte!” said the man with the marquis’s voice. “My human friend! The curse has been lifted, and I am a human once again!”
He was slightly out of breath when he reached the woman. He clasped her arm and grinned at him with manic desperation. “This is wonderful news! You must be here to share your congratulations!”
“Lie like hell,” said the man’s eyes.
The vicomte stared. “Oh!” he said. “My – human friend! Human once again! Words fail me. After all these–” (there was the slightest hesitation) “–years?”
The woman put her head at an angle and narrowed her eyes at him.
The man walked up, still grinning like a rictus chimpanzee, and clasped a hand on his shoulder. “Yes, of course! Darling, me and the vicomte are going to have a manly one-on-one conversation while he shares his congratulations, as we human men are wont to do.” And then with a strength that could only be ogrish, the marquis pulled the vicomte by the shoulder down the hall and into a drawing room.
When the bolt of the lock clicked into place behind them, the man wearing the marquis’s clothes visibly sagged.
“What the hell,” said the vicomte.
“You should’ve sent word ahead that you'd be coming today.”
“I never do.” He gesticulated and tried to conjure a single question out of the swarm buzzing in his brain. “What the hell is going on? Who was that? Why are you pretending to be human? What curse are we talking about?”
The marquis groaned and crumpled into a chair. As he did he shifted out of human shape, clothes magically tailoring themselves to contain his ogrish form, something like a moose and an orangutan.
“I had a moment of weakness.”
“Are you sure it wasn’t a stroke?”
“I got married.”
“And that’s another thing–”
“Graoul, please.” He sighed and put his face in his talons. “Last winter a merchant broke into my home. He stole one of my roses, and in exchange I asked him to send me one of his daughters to be my bride.”
The vicomte nodded. This at least was a sacred and recognizable ogrish custom, and he did like to see the old ways in practice.
“And it was fine! It was perfectly lovely. She’s a wonderful woman, but one night I decided to put on a human shape to change things up in the bedroom, and she lost her mind! Started talking about how I was clearly an enchanted prince and that her love for me must’ve broken some curse and turned me human again! I had no idea how to tell her otherwise, and now I’ve done it for too long to back out.”
The vicomte stared. “Sorry,” he said. “You decided to turn into a human to spice things up in the bedroom, and that was the face you chose?”
The marquis growled. “If I knew I was going to be wearing it for the rest of my life I would’ve gone with something better.”
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