#but we CAN always do better and it requires compassionate action and thought. at least that's how I think of it and what motivates me

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

OOF, introspection and retrospect...WHAT A THING.

My internalized homophobia in high school was so bad that I not only jokingly proposed - WITH A RING, THAT I BOUGHT - to one of my best friends, but I also had our 9th grade Honors English teacher (who had us both in his classes, but we were in different classes; I don't recall why, but I suspect that we were in different classes because I was in choir and she was in band) call us, during roll-call, "Lily/******* 'our surnames hyphenated'" because it just so happened to be that our surnames hyphenated/put together made an actual English word/phrase, and I just thought that coincidence was too hilarious to not bring attention to. (AND YES, OUR TEACHER DID THAT IN CLASS, IN FRONT OF ALL OF OUR CLASSMATES, IN BOTH OF OUR CLASSES. I ASKED. I...jesus christ. No wonder I was known as "the weird girl" in high school. Oh my god. Why did that never occur to me that those things might be connected. GOOD LORD.) AND I call that internalized homophobia because I did pretty much all of that because - considering, yes, that we were all HP fans - when JKR announced that Dumbl*dor* was gay this best friend of mine (homophobically) refused to believe/agree with that, so ever since then, I made a point to embarrass her over it, and our friend group played along. (Y'all should see the card my lesbian best friend gave to me for my 14th birthday when I had my whole friend group over for a birthday party/sleepover. The card she gave me was literally a piece of paper with a meme printed out on it of a cat looking horrified/shocked going "DUMBL*DOR* IS GAY???????" and yes, my best friend who we were making fun of through it was there. There's even a [not candid, though] photo of all of our reactions to it. Oh, and I will NOT BE SHARING THAT PHOTO. I was 14. And my birthday party was '80s themed. I WILL NOT!)

Now in hindsight (although to be fair, I was in high school when all of that happened, so of course I was immature), I know 100% that embarrassing someone for their homophobia/racism/sexism/bigotry is not the way to make them less homophobic/racist/sexist/bigoted. That's probably one of the worst ways possible to go about changing people's hearts and minds.

BUT, for the first time, something new about that situation has occurred to me that didn't before, and that is: while I knew one of our mutual best friends' thoughts/feelings about it (our lesbian best friend who had come out to us before I started all of that in high school...YES, I AM ASHAMED OF THIS KNOWLEDGE), we had other mutual friends who were bi who knew what I was doing and maybe sort of thought it was funny, but at the same time, I also realize...they probably did not think it was funny. And, in hindsight, I wonder exactly how they felt about it. I wonder if I made them feel worse, like I was making a complete and utter mockery of being queer (which, to be fair - I was. Because of internalized homophobia), and thus I was acting as though their queerness was something worthy enough to be mocked, too. Or...something. The point is that I don't know how they actually felt about it, and I wonder. I think I might ask one of them how she felt about it.

I also just realized that, considering the fact that my friend group (including my homophobic best friend...who I also literally referred to as "wifey" after I proposed to her. PLEASE let that be the reason I never marry. And I say that in self-recognized horror.) ostracized me at the end of sophomore year after I gave a very harshly/poorly worded critique of religion but particularly Christianity, perhaps the whole homophobia situation thing was related/contributed to that, although, as I said, at the time, my friends all generally played along with [the laughing-at-homophobia bit] and thought it was funny. And my town, if you could not tell, was known for being overtly Christian (but not, I would suggest, exactly in the charitable sense; more in the moral way of "If everyone knows I'm a Christian then no one will actually think I'm a racist, sexist, xenophobic, homophobic asshole - also because most of the town is") and homophobic. Although not all of my friends in that group were Christian, and most of them who considered themselves religious seemingly did because their parents were, so...I don't know. It could be a possible contribution, but it also could not be. It might've also been that they all just wanted an excuse to finally push me out because I was annoying (and, especially, annoyingly depressed, which they told me to my face. Or at least my homophobic friend told me that to my face, albeit in middle school. I did not get less depressed in high school, though. Depression always was, and often still is, my baseline temperament, but I do wish I hadn't clung to that group so fiercely as a way to...combat my depression, I guess? Because, honestly, with more hindsight/introspection, I don't think being friends with them was ever going to make me feel better, in terms of how depressed I was. They were, simply, the wrong people for me to seek comfort and reassurance in, and maybe I was the wrong person for them to seek comfort and reassurance in, too, because of my depression and how honestly selfish and clingy it made me. And now the joke's on them AND me because when I'm depressed I don't reach out to a god damn soul. LOL Not that I'm blaming them for that. That is entirely, 100%, completely a me problem, especially because I'm not friends with any of those people anymore).

[flickeringart]

Mars Retrograde in the natal chart

I’ve written about planets in retrograde in the natal chart before, find the post about Mercury, Venus and Mars here and the post about Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto here.

In this post I’m going a bit deeper into Mars Rx.

As we all probably know, Mars is the planet of personal drive, aggression, assertiveness and outward directed energy. Mars it works on behalf of the personality as the warrior – as forward movement, strength and desire. Mars enables us to be goal oriented, to stand up for ourselves and have a sense of direction and momentum. Depending on the sign Mars is in, the style in which one goes about one’s interests will vary. For example, an Aries Mars will be direct, impulsive, straightforward, loud, non-apologetic and open in taking action. Taurus Mars will be calm, patient, stubborn and energy preserving. Gemini will be cerebral, creative, mischievous and all over the place. Cancer Mars will be careful and protective of emotions while trying to secure a goal. Leo Mars will be demonstrative, proud and demanding. Virgo Mars will be purposeful and practical, going over the steps required to reach a specific goal. Libra Mars will try to smoothly get other people to get on board with one’s direction without ruffling any feathers, usually through using reason and logic. Scorpio Mars will assert its will “undercover” often through subtle yet effective emotional blackmail and strategy. Sagittarius Mars will be bold and restless, potentially quite clumsy and funny. Capricorn Mars will be serious, patient, mature, responsible and steadfast. Aquarius Mars will potentially be acting on behalf of a collective mission and thought-movement, considering what lies in the best interest of the “group”. Pisces Mars will be easily directed by influences from the environment, compassionate, soft and a bit confusing.

Having Mars direct in the natal chart means that desire is merged with action. In other words, action is employed in the name of desire. In the most basic sense, a person sees something of value (Venus) and Mars is the one who is in charge of conquering it. Venus and Mars can’t really be discussed separately for this reason because something has to catch one’s attention (Venus) in order for there to be anything to attain and achieve. Simply put, Venus is the object, person, place of esteem and Mars is the force that is in charge of closing the gap between the person and that which is desired.

When Mars is retrograde in the natal chart the drive to achieve is equally as strong as with Mars direct, but it is turned inward instead of being directed outward. This causes inner frustration, pent-up energy and often feelings of being ineffectual – unable to directly go after what one wants. Many sources state that since Mars is a masculine planet, Mars Rx is more bothersome for men, as women tend to not suffer from lacking in masculine traits as acutely because of identification with femininity (Venus). This is probably true, yet women will similarly experience the debilitating effects of Mars Rx – sometimes through the lover and partner of choice.

Some sources state that natives with Mars Rx had a childhood where they were not allowed to get angry or to stand up for themselves. Perhaps no one listened or bothered, perhaps displays of aggression were forcefully disapproved of and punished. There could have been a lack of support of the native taking initiative and paving his or her own path. I have had the reverse experience of being accused of not being assertive enough. I have Mars Rx in Virgo in the 3rd house and I was constantly criticized for lack of extroversion growing up, particularly in school (the 3rd house rules lower education) by teachers and peers. I was “too quiet”, “too inhibited”. In a sense, I was attacked for my “lack of Mars”. Unfortunately, I think this is quite common for people with Mars in Rx, we seem to invite aggression (in my case criticism because Virgo rules my 3rd house) in the area of life (house) that Mars is placed. I never attempted to “strike back” but kept my own pent up anger inside feeling worse and worse about myself, humiliated, yet for some reason unable to project the intensity outwardly – probably because it would only have caused me more reprimanding. However, the positive thing I’ve noticed with Mars Rx is that I have the ability to act independently of outside influences. In a sense I can act without desire being merged with action. Or rather, I can choose to redirect the build-up of intensity into unrelated activity. It’s definitely counter-intuitive, but it’s very useful in situations where one is required to act despite of a goal. Since people with Mars Rx have an obscure desire nature, there’s the ability to simply put one foot in front of the other and see what comes of the action.

(Buy products with my art here)

There’s something to be said about inviting aggression from the outside with Mars Rx. Other people seem to want to cause a reaction by provoking the Mars Rx person to make them stand up for themselves and display some assertiveness. This never works because Mars Rx people don’t react defensively to personal attacks on the spot. They sit tight, face the situation calmly yet is feeling a build-up of energy that is likely going to erupt later, when the situations has passed and when it’s no longer relevant. They get angry with themselves for not acting on the spot, for not saying the things they wanted to say and display the strength that they really do possess. Mars Rx people often question their potency and can beat themselves up for not being more willful. As stated, the bouts of anger come only at a later time, which does nothing to gain the individual a reputation of being impactful. The moment has passed and the opportunity to strike is gone. It’s important to not be too hard with oneself, Mars Rx isn’t a character flaw, it’s part of one’s unique blueprint and one would do better focusing on the benefits rather than the down-sides. Mars is after all about confidence and there’s no reason why Mars Rx should settle for feeling “less than” confident. The key is to not look for external proof of one’s potency and be content with knowing that one is powerful despite appearances of lack of assertiveness. With Mars Rx one should avoid comparing oneself to other people. Comparison and competitiveness don’t benefit these people, for obvious reasons. Measuring one’s strength against another will leave one feeling neither strong nor confident because the strength of Mars Rx is passive and felt internally.

In order to not feel emasculated with Mars Rx, one has to be squarely doing one’s own thing and avoid caring about what other people think one should do or even what oneself think one should do based on social values. This is the only way to be happy with this natal planet in my opinion. Stop competing = stop depleting, stop comparing = stop caring. Mars Rx people have the opportunity to be real individualists when they start valuing their internal integrity rather than the outward display of it. In a sense, Mars Rx is a very pure Mars. It’s simple action, unmotivated and unresponsive. It will not win us any battles in the moment; Mars Rx doesn’t build any momentum, energy is extended outward in bursts, starts and stops. The approach that works the best is to let action flow through, rather than directing it deliberately. This is usually going to translate into a quite soft energy but it can be quite beautiful. The famous male ballet dancer Mikhail Baryshnikov had Mars Rx – he was especially admired for his gracious jumps and seemingly effortless soaring in his dancing. He’s a good example of Mars Rx manifesting in a very powerful way – he uses his Mars to move independently in a non-confronting “Venusian fashion”. Yet, no one could claim that he lacks strength. The famous basket player Michael Jordan also has Mars Rx and he is widely considered one of the greatest basketball player of all time. It makes sense that dance and sport should suit these people because these activities require starts and stops more than building momentum.

Mars Rx has a reputation for being sluggish and lethargic. I think this is inaccurate to accept as a rule, but it is certainly possible for these people to seem like they are. Other people often perceive Mars Rx people to be at least very chill and calm, which is not always the case, it’s just that the boil hasn’t reached the surface yet and when it does, it’s out of tune with the outer situation and its momentum. The Mars Rx person might sit tight in a social interaction, never showing any sign of annoyance or agitation, despite being pissed off. It might be frustrating to not be able to release energy directly but Mars Rx energy is better channeled into purposeful activity, into independent action. Some sources claim that Mars Rx can be prone to self-destructive behavior and self-harm because of pent-up energy and unexpressed anger. I think this is true, especially if one lives in a very hostile environment and has a hard time, because of one’s Mars Rx, to do something about it – to fight back, to spontaneously immerse oneself in “combat” and defend oneself. It could also be because one’s aggression, when openly displayed, is turned to a social disadvantage. People might claim that one is “over-reacting” because the anger response is out of proportion with the situation at hand. “Over-reacting” is common problem for people with Mars Rx, because they’re typically calm, until they burst – and then they’re commonly labeled crazy or even abusive. There’s no way to “win” socially with Mars Rx, I find – either one is accused of being too passive or too reactive. This social disadvantage could easily turn into self-hate and self-rejection, because one doesn’t get any approval from the outside. Depression is sometimes linked to planets in retrograde, and this is quite understandable, in the light of everything that they imply. Depression is after all often associated with repressed anger, of a blocked drive and frustrated desire.

People with Mars Rx say that it gets better with age and that Mars is gradually more easily expressed because of experience and understanding of oneself. This might be partly due to Mars going direct in one’s progressed chart, however, one cannot make Mars go direct in one’s natal chart, it is a fixed blueprint that one will have to contend with. This is not to say that one cannot become more conscious of one’s own psychology.

[zuko-always-lies]

Ah, a Zuko realist. Now this is refreshing.

When I first watched ATLA, Zuko was easily my least favorite of the major characters. Apart from the obvious (him hunting the savior of the world for status and personal gain), the guy was consistently selfish, rude, and pretty much acted like the Tasmanian Devil from Looney Toons…but not for the sake of comedic value. After being exposed to the fandom for a while, I kinda got sucked in to the “Zuko is an awkward turtleduck” stuff and it took me a while to realize that his fanon character has totally been perverted. And the real tragedy is that he has a ton of depth and some major redeeming qualities…the fandom has just chosen to ignore the fact that he’s morally conflicted and warped him into an infallible Traditionally Masculine Hero. It’s just a relief to see another person (there aren’t many) who seems to acknowledge that canon Zuko has totally been obliterated and replaced by something that doesn’t resemble him at all. (Any thoughts on why Zukophilia has become so rampant?)

Sorry for taking my time answering this, but I very much agree with you. Fanon Zuko has nothing to with canon Zuko. The person who I think has done the best analysis on canon Zuko and some of the less savory parts of his character and less well-written parts of his arc is @seyaryminamoto . I reblogged a ton of her posts within the last couple months and I tagged them all with "seyaryminamoto" if you're interested. In fact, I'm going to try to link all of them here: x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x. To make it clear, I don't 100% agree with seyaryminamoto on just about anything. @wingsfreedom and @eshusplayground are also people who have had some good takes on Zuko, particularly this post. And if you haven't read this post by me on "power hungry Zuko," you might find it interesting.

Now, to get into the substance of your ask a bit more, I'll be honest, the first I watched the series I just saw the narrative framing surrounding Zuko and didn't think deeply about him. Honestly, I liked him in a way I can't now, since the fanbase flanderizing him kind of poisoned his character for me. It's hard doing meta analysis of a character when you haven't finished a series, and most fans never give that level of thought to a character. Unfortunately, the way that Zuko is presented and framed leaves meta-analysis as the only way to get a good grasp of his character.

I think one of the issues with the writing of Zuko's character is that the writers couldn't decide what kind of redemption arc they were writing. I think Zuko's arc unfortunately mishes and mashes between three different types of redemption arcs:

1. Moving from being selfish and self-interested to being selfless(i.e. the Han Solo arc)

2. Escaping from a toxic family environment and forming healthy relationships arc(i.e. the Nebula--from the MCU--arc. This actually requires the character undergoing the arc to be a little selfish)

3. Rejecting the awful values you have been indoctrinated in and becoming a better person through accepting new, better values arc. If I were writing a redemption arc for Azula, this would be the focus.

When you combine aspects of these three arcs together without being careful, you can end up with some very unfortunate implications. And I think it also creates a lot of the confusion surrounding Zuko in the fanbase.

However, by far the biggest reason why people believe "Zuko is an awkward turtleduck" is because it's how the narrative frames the character. The narrative always presents Zuko in the most sympathetic and positive possible light, even though his actions run very heavily against this framing. The two most pivotal episodes for Zuko's character are "The Storm" and "Zuko Alone," and both present Zuko as an awkward, kind, moral, selfless, empathetic, and compassionate turtleduck being harmed by his evil relatives; the narrator is heavily biased in both cases but the narrative never calls attention to it. Zuko's actions in just about every other episode also contradict these traits, but the narrative also never calls attention to that.

There are also some other factors about why Zuko gets woobiefied in the fanbase to the degree he is. First, Zuko is an abuse victim in a very obvious way, so there's the tendency(like with Ursa) to woobiefy him and present him as a "perfect" victim being violently tormented by his evil father and sister, rather than deal with how his abuse and indoctrination led him to engage in toxic behavior.

Second, Zuko is male, so the fanbase is much more willing to ignore it when he acts violently, gets angry, or otherwise engages in toxic behavior. Male characters get so much more slack here.

Third, Zuko is the deuteragonist of ATLA, we always see things from his point of view, and he ends up siding with(and being accepted by) the protagonists, so there's the natural tendency to soften his actions.

Fourth, the narrative ends with the implication that Zuko has become the perfect ruler and finished his growth, so the fanbase is less willing to accept he is flawed.

Finally, it seems like the fanbase is more enamored of the idea of Zuko(abused kid gets on a better path and develops healthy relationships) than they are with his actual character. Certainly, the fact that ~50% of "Zuko meta posts" are written by Azula fans suggests that Zuko fans are more interested in what they project onto Zuko than on Zuko's character as is revealed by his behavior.

[frosteee]

"You should be scared of me" - Why Shiemi will need to break tradition to truly best Amaimon

The new chapter threw a heck of a lot of stuff at us at once, raising a hundred questions for the few it answers.

We're given a brief synopsis of Amaimon's history with Shemihaza, a relationship that has been hinted at in previous chapters, and the nature of Shiemi's final challenge: to "subjugate" Amaimon, as Shemihaza and all other 'successors' before her.

Shiemi's grandmother instructed her in such a way to make a violent battle between Shiemi and Amaimon inevitable, and Amaimon himself solidified this inevitability by deriding the strength of her abilities, implying a respect for Shemihaza's - whom he serves in a as-yet unexplained way. He may serve Shemihaza, but he is not servile to her, nor is he compelled to respect or serve her successors. Shiemi must prove herself worthy in the power department.

However, I believe that the long-term solution to her and Amaimon's respective barriers will require a change in approach to those before her. Even Shemihaza.

Amaimon's Anger

An unspecified amount of time ago, an angry Amaimon made the land. Given that he has a defined physical form, and the nature of it and his clothes, it is definitely a time in which humans are around and who nature a fear of demons.

It isn't made clear what made Amaimon so angry, but it's clear that it spurred a rage so intense that he took it out on the earth, making it inhospitable for any kind of life. This is when Shemihaza steps in, as Emperor of Creation and Amaimon's foil - she is life and creation, he is death and destruction.

Prior to this point they may have co-existed. Shemihaza may outrank him, but they share many similarities and can be seen as the two sides of the same coin, necessary to keep the world's natural order. Life and death. But Amaimon's outburst and complete annihilation of the land disrupts this order, and requires Shemihaza's intervention.

Shemihaza took pity on Amaimon, and may have also seen the practical reason for keeping him around (going back to the 'two sides of a coin' theory) and so rather than destroy him, Shemihaza sacrificed her body and crystallised herself, binding Amaimon to her in servitude.

It appears that in doing so, Shemihaza sealed parts of Amaimon - his power, or even his persona - in crystals around her frozen form. She allowed him to continue to have a 'self' - or consciousness - by becoming her servant.

Whether it was the act of sealing parts of Amaimon away, or the terms of his service, that quelled Amaimon's anger, it's clear that these measures did not really fix the issue.

Amaimon still carries intense rage within him, evident in his fits of violence and intense anger that break through his usual impassive exterior. He particularly reacts to any whiff of a suggestion that he is weak, which supports the theory that the crystallised parts of Amaimon are parts of his power. With this into consideration, Amaimon has even more reason to be angry now.

Shemihaza's Legacy

If this is the case, then it makes the problem worse in the long term. Amaimon still feels intense rage, but no longer has adequate means to express it like he did in the past. Rather than get to the root of why he feels so angry, Shemihaza has left her successors with a being that grows progressively more hateful and angry with each passing generation, despite lacking the ability to create the same destruction Shemihaza faced.

The flashback of Shemihaza and Amaimon, showing Amaimon kneeling before her, suggests that Shemihaza did not have to exert brute force in order to stop his rampage. As I mentioned earlier, in looking down on Shiemi's power he implicitly expresses respect or at least a past respect for Shemihaza's.

Kneeling before Shemihaza, who has greater power and status than his own, and with whom he may have shared a close relationship (speculation on my part), Amaimon is given a choice: serve Shemihaza and seal parts of his power/self away, through her sacrifice, or lose his sense of self.

Amaimon's options were eternal servitude and what he would probably view as castration, or death. Amaimon chose the former. As Mephisto states, once demons experience life with a body and five senses, the alternative to that, a conceptual being with no thought, senses or freedom, is the closes thing to death they can imagine and completely intolerable.

Shemihaza may have found a solution to the immediate problem of the ruination of the land, but failed to address the ongoing issue of Amaimon's anger, so her successors have continually had to 'subjugate' him into obedience, following her example. Shemihaza may not have needed to brawl with Amaimon, she likely had enough power to subdue him without fighting, but her successors command far less power than she did, especially at the stage Shiemi is at when facing Amaimon.

Pity /= Empathy

Shiemi's grandmother states that Shemihaza's pity for Amaimon's anger motivated her to give him a choice. But pity does not equal empathy, and the 'better' choice Amaimon took, as I said, does not really solve the problem with Amaimon long-term.

She felt pity enough to give him a choice at all, but a bit of empathy for why Amaimon is angry and a desire to help him could have resulted in a far better long-term solution to the problems he was causing.

When Lucifer was suffering and begging the Grigori Shemihaza to continue research into an elixir for him, he furiously pointed out her lack of compassion. Her response was that she had 'abandoned human compassion' when she took on the position.

This shows that while those connected with Shemihaza can feel pity for those around them, they are compelled or even taught to abandon feelings of empathy or compassion for others, following in Shemihaza's footsteps, for the 'greater good'.

There are positives to this way of working, and the Grigori can likely attribute their long service to this, but it also has drawbacks - shown plainly in Amaimon.

If Shemihaza had felt, or allowed herself to feel, compassion and empathise with Amaimon's plight, she may have given him a different choice that would benefit Amaimon himself also and make him a willing ally to her successors instead of a half-tamed beast who still suffers the same anger that they must forcibly take down.

Shiemi's Choice

While her grandmother stated that she must defeat Amaimon in combat in order to enlist his services, this is the will of Shemihaza and will only pass on the same issues to another generation.

If anything is to change, and if Shiemi wants to truly help 'everyone', she will need to go about her fight with Amaimon differently than her forebears.

She will need to rely on her strength, certainly, to not get killed by him, and also to prove herself worthy in the strength department, but she cannot hope to really make a difference and show her growth without showing her characteristic empathy and kindness to him as well.

Shiemi has grown stronger this past year, but her greatest strength has always been her ability to forgive and show kindness to others, especially those who are suffering, even when they hurt her.

Amaimon has hurt her, physically and mentally, but kind Shiemi will still be able to see the wounded soul behind the anger. Amaimon owes her an apology, not the other way around, but as a demon who has never known compassion he must be shown it first before he can reciprocate.

This challenge compels Shiemi to prove her worthiness to command Amaimon, to show her superiority, to order him by fear of pain or worse - as Shemihaza, Mephisto and likely every other demon he has interacted with has done.

This is not Shiemi, or who she should become. The Shiemi we know would never seek to be superior to another being, but on equal level. She would not wish to make anyone her slave, but her friend, even a demon.

When Shiemi states "You should be scared of me", she dangerously echoes the words and actions of her forebears. She cannot truly win by making Amaimon fear her wrath as she fears his, or as Amaimon feared Shemihaza's.

Shiemi needs to hold on to that compassionate side of herself, or else lose her humanity. And keep Amaimon an emotionally frustrated bomb waiting to explode for another generation.

[inkykeiji]

How do you think Hawks would like to be comforted when in a mood, Clarii? I feel like he is the kind of guy that rarely gets upset but from time to time he gets this sadness and melancholy that just won't leave him...

oooh good question!!! it’s funny you ask this actually, because i recently wrote a piece about comforting keigo as a birthday gift for one of my best friends!! so i’m going to pull from that in my answer hehe c:

beware: very long post of character ramblings ahaha

i agree with you. i think keigo has an iron chokehold on his emotions and he is able to tame and tamper them very well, especially since he is canonically such a good liar. keigo strikes me as the type to be genuinely kind and compassionate but to also hold most people at arms length in an effort to avoid getting hurt or disappointed—at least until he knows them well enough to allow his guard down and feels comfortable being vulnerable with them.

to me, he seems like the type to want to hold it all together all the time not only to be strong for others—for both society and those he loves and cares about—but also to not ‘burden’ or bother others with his problems. he truly and sincerely just wants to do good, just wants to help in any way he can, not to add stress to anyone. i think, as far as he sees it, those are his problems to deal with, not anyone else’s, and he is responsible for solving them. he doesn’t expect anyone to do it for him, whether they’re the love of his life or not. i also think this stems from the deep-rooted trauma of his childhood, where he was made to feel like a burden at all times.

what he has difficulty understanding is that those who truly love him want to help him, to be there for him, to comfort and hold him, to offer him a space to cry, or vent, or get angry—a space to be human, where he isn’t expected to be perfect all the time. the easiest way to get him to see it this way is to reverse the situation, to ask him how he’d be feeling if you were down to make him realize just how much he’d want to help make you feel better—because when your favourite person is feeling sad or icky, wanting to cheer them up never feels like a burden.

with that being said, i also think keigo genuinely understands himself and his feelings very well; he’s in touch with his emotions 90% percent of the time and is often able to calm himself down or work through those complicated and complex emotions on his own.

but despite being a superhero, he is still human. he does still require the comfort of companionship that other human beings offer, just as we all do. and solving all of your issues + working through all of your heavy emotions on your own is bound to get exhausting, no matter how adept you are at it.

so yes anon omg i totally agree with you!!!

when it comes to alleviating his melancholy and providing him comfort, i think a two-step action plan is required. first, providing him with that space to be human—to vocalize whatever it is that’s bothering him and to work through it with you, verbally or otherwise. keigo has a tendency to bottle up his emotions, and without actually expressing and exploring these thoughts and feelings, doing anything else (any sort of distraction; cuddling, cooking, movie watching, etc) is merely slapping a temporary band-aid on the wound without properly cleaning it first—it may briefly feel better, but under the surface it continues to fester.

providing this space doesn’t always mean talking. on the rare occasion, he might be unable to put his feelings into words, or he may not want to express them that way, and that’s okay. on days such as these, art therapy works wonders. it allows him a comforting space—a space filled with love, with compassion, with understanding, with you—to analyze and articulate everything that is going on in his head. more often than not, after he’s finished expressing these things through paint and charcoal, he’ll be ready to discuss them with you.

after he’s let it all out, he just really, really, really enjoys spending time with you, and you only. he’d rather do something active than something passive, like cooking one of your favourite meals together or going for a hike on one of his favourite trails; it continues to allow him to release his feelings and often tires him out enough that he’s ready to finally snuggle up in bed, with his head on your chest and your fingers in his hair, lulled into a deep sleep by the sweet sound of your melodic voice washing over his mind, cleansing it of all the pain as you read from one of his favourite novels <3

i also think keigo would love physical affection with his s/o, so expect a lot of impromptu kisses, hugs, caresses, and hand holding during all of this! <3

this kind of turned into a character analysis haha but anyway! those are my thoughts on the subject! <3 thank you for your question anon bb, i really enjoyed answering!!

[mbti-notes]

I'm an isfj. I know someone with serious mental illness and I don't feel very compassionate when I hear about his life. I feel pity, I feel very helpless/powerless and angry, I feel guilty, or I feel uncomfortable and want to turn away coz it's scary that people's lives can go really badly. I feel really selfish being like that and I don't want to be this kind of person. How can I nurture more compassion?

Assuming typical brain development, you are born with the capacity to empathize. Empathy is an important part of human genetic history because we needed it for survival, specifically for successful cooperation. To work together well, we must understand each other well, we must support each other’s efforts well, and we must help each other contribute well. As with any raw, inborn capability, it’s up to you to develop it to its higher potential through the choices that you make. Your choices have decreased your ability to empathize. There are two common obstacles to overcome in the process of empathy development:

1) Egocentrism: People at low levels of ego development aren’t able to empathize because they aren’t able to recognize other people as subjects. Do you understand the difference between a subject and an object? Many people only know the difference in theory but can’t apply it. In English grammar, a subject is the “active” part of the sentence, e.g., the person who is doing something. By contrast, the object is the “passive” part of the sentence, e.g., the person who is having something done to them. This basic grammatical structure belies the framework that the mind uses to understand relationships in the world.

Everybody has their own experience, which means that your understanding of reality begins from your own personal vantage point - you see yourself as a subject, experiencing and doing things in the world. Your vantage point includes things like your self-concept, thoughts, feelings, ideas, beliefs, values, judgments, schemas, triggers, past experiences, etc. When you look out into the world through your vantage point, you don’t see the world as it is, rather, you merely see the world as it gets interpreted through the content of your vantage point. A simple example: When you look at a painting, what happens? All you see is a canvas with some colored paint smeared all over it? If that’s all you see, then you’re either not human or you don’t have a personality. No, for instance, as ISFJ, you see the colors and whether you like them, you see the image and how it makes you feel, you see the style and how it compares to the aesthetic styles that you’re already familiar with, and so on. 

The same principle holds true when you deal with people. You, the subject, acts upon the other person, the object, with the contents of your vantage point. You don’t see people as they really are but only as you want/expect/hope them to be - it’s all about you. For example: You think about how they make YOU feel, when in fact, they’re not purposely doing anything to make you feel anything. You think about who they remind YOU of, when in fact, they bear no relation to the people you’ve known before. You think about whether YOU are better/worse than them, when in fact, they are simply a person with strengths and weaknesses just like you. And so on.

There’s nothing wrong with having your own vantage point, as we all have every right to our own existence. However, the problem arises when you never learn or never acknowledge that there’s more to the world than your own vantage point, which means that you are, in essence, completely confined by it psychologically. In short, your vantage point gets in your way instead of aiding you. Egocentrism makes it difficult to empathize because you don’t really see people, rather, you only ever see aspects of yourself as you constantly project the contents of your vantage point onto them. This creates ego drama, as you are more concerned with your experience and how you’re reacting than what’s actually going on with the other person. When you’re not grasping the truth of someone, how can you know the most appropriate way to relate to them, comfort them, help them, or guide them, especially when their experience is very different from yours? You’ll be grasping at straws.

Therefore, empathy requires the ability to transcend egocentrism, essentially, to stop approaching the world as though your own experience is all there is (oblivious) or all that matters (narcissist). To have meta-awareness of your egocentrism and understand how it holds you back (in limiting your perception and distorting your judgment) is to create the space to choose differently, i.e., to refuse to be a slave to ego drama. When you finally wake up fully to the fact that you aren’t the center of the world but rather only one equal part of a greater whole, you will possess the humility that is necessary for empathy. Humility refers to the ability to put yourself into the right perspective. A genuinely humble person knows their rightful place because they are no longer a slave to the ego dramas that create craving for strength and superiority and/or fear of weakness and inferiority. Humility allows you to stop treating people like objects and respect them as subjects in their own right. In other words, their experience is just as important to them as yours is to you, and you are both fully equal in that respect, so you know to honor their existence, as you honor your own. This is the basis of the classic golden rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

What does humility look like in real-life relationships? It looks like LISTENING. To be a good listener is to listen without all the biases, prejudices, and judgments of your ego dramas. Reasonable and sound judgment comes only AFTER you have collected all the facts, which requires listening - only then should you be trying to apply what you know to their experience. But you won’t be capable of listening well if your ego drama is always twisting the facts or if your ego drama always gets triggered every time you interact with someone. To truly hear someone is no small feat. Not everyone who talks about their struggles wants “help”. A lot of human problems arise from never feeling truly seen and heard. Therefore, to be a great friend is, first and foremost, to have the ability to see and hear someone and receive their experience without judgment. Once you are capable of listening empathetically, compassionate action naturally follows.

2) Poor Emotional Intelligence: I have already written about this, so you should read the articles provided. It’s obvious from your description that you have poor emotional intelligence. The development of emotional intelligence is correlated with the development of the F function, so you struggle with using Fe properly. Being confronted by your friend’s struggle with mental illness, your emotions get triggered, your ego dramas start playing out, and in the end, you are stuck in your own head trying to make sense of what’s happening. Your attention isn’t on your friend, is it? You’re not really listening.

It’s common for people who struggle with empathy to frame the problem as “me versus them” - either I protect my own experience or I surrender to theirs. This defensive attitude is rooted in egocentrism. There’s “me”, there’s “them”, and there’s “us”. When you are egocentric, all that really matters to you is "me”, and "they” are only important insofar as they impact you. In “me vs them” mentality, you don’t want to feel any negative disruptions from the outside world, so you close yourself off to emotional influence (a common symptom of Ti loop). By being defensive, you are directly hampering Fe development. Without healthy Fe, establishing a sense of “us” in a relationship is impossible, because the wall of defensive fear never allows anyone to actually reach you. But what about the other side of F dysfunction, such as the people pleasers of the world? They are also egocentric in that they only care about their craving for acceptance and affirmation - it is still ego drama all the same. People pleasers give the illusion of not caring about “me” to get what they want from “them”, but it is actually all about ME and getting them to like ME, not about “us”.

When you have poor emotional intelligence, you aren’t able to accept and resolve your own feelings and emotions, which results in them becoming self-inflicted obstacles - they get in the way of good judgment. Having good emotional intelligence means knowing how to put feelings and emotions into the right perspective, such that they inform you to make BETTER decisions. Resistance to your own emotional life means damaging your decision-making ability as well as resisting all the negative things out in the world. When you encounter negativity in someone else, it reflects back to you your own negativity, and thus begins your ego drama of fighting and trying to bury the negativity in yourself. You are at least aware enough to honestly describe what you feel when you encounter someone that triggers you, but you don’t have the ability to resolve those negative feelings.

One of the main problems of poor emotional intelligence is not being able to tell the difference between thoughts and feelings. Feelings are simple, all you have to do is say, “I feel sad” or “I feel guilty”. That’s it. That’s a feeling. Once you start to say more, once you start to talk about the feeling, then you’re having thoughts. Feelings need not become anything more than what they are, and they come and go like the wind. But thoughts are complicated because they are about analyzing, evaluating, believing, speculating, etc. Thoughts stick to you in the form of ideas and beliefs, and they impair your judgment when you’re not addressing the underlying negativity that creates them. People often try to think their feelings away (i.e. rationalization), which doesn’t resolve anything and even spins you out of control.

You say that you feel guilty when hearing about his suffering. If you feel guilty, then feel guilty. Do you believe that there’s something wrong with feeling guilty? Is it not normal to feel bad for having more than someone when you’re an empathetic person who hopes that everyone can find their happiness? You say that hearing your friend makes you feel uncomfortable because you’re scared of confronting negativity. If you feel scared, then feel scared. Do you believe that there’s something wrong with feeling scared? Is it not normal to feel scared when imagining negative things that could threaten your survival? Why do you view feelings as abnormal or as something to be banished out of yourself? It’s a form of self-loathing.

From these two examples, do you understand that it is your own inability to accept yourself and your feelings that is the root of the problem? As SJ, it is typical to be more concerned with being “proper” than being real, so you consistently deny the truth about yourself because you don’t want to see the many ways that you are “improper”. Resisting your negative feelings and the truth that they reveal about your impropriety only feeds the negativity as you start judging yourself harshly, calling yourself “selfish”, thus your negativity escalates into ego drama and throws you for a loop. By contrast, if you were to simply allow your feelings to inform you about the truth of what’s happening with you and accept that truth gracefully, there would be no need for negative feelings to turn into a big ego drama. 

In the history of psychology, the humanist psychologist Carl Rogers was perhaps best known for his ability to empathize very deeply. He said: “If I let myself really understand another person, I might be changed by that understanding. And we all fear change. So as I say, it is not an easy thing to permit oneself to understand an individual.” 

If you fear change, if you fear your heart being disrupted, if you fear confronting what is strange and unknown to you, if you are easily threatened by difference or negativity, if you fear feeling the heavy moral responsibility of helping someone in need, then you will fear the act of empathizing with people, because they may, at any moment, say/do something that turns your world upside-down. It is that fear which keeps you closed off and stuck within yourself, refusing to empathize when you clearly have the ability to empathize. It’s up to you to acknowledge the fear, accept it, and let it go. Until you make that conscious choice, you are merely stuck on your side of the wall, never able to truly see past it. Only by letting someone into your world, being emotionally strong enough to feel touched without feeling undone, can you establish a connection with them. Once you’re connected to someone emotionally, compassion comes easily (and that is the basis of having a healthy F function). 

[islamicrays]

Top 10 Tips for Maximizing Your State During Quarantine:

1. Reconnect with the sajada.

The sajada is one of the greatest acts of devotion to God and the believer never tires of it, but rather delights in placing their face in the lowest position possible while praising the "Most High.”

Allah ﷻ commanded Iblis to make sajada to Adam (`alayhi salam), but he refused. In the Qur'an we have 14/15 places of sujood for sajadah at-tilawa. And the Prophet ﷺ mentioned in many hadith the virtue of the sajadah.

Ma'dan b. Talha reported: I met Thauban, the freed slave of God's Messenger, and asked him to tell me about an act for which, if I do it, God will admit me to Paradise, or I asked about the act which was loved most by God. He gave no reply. I again asked and he gave no reply. I asked him for the third time, and he said: I asked God's Messenger about that and he said: Make frequent prostrations before God, for you will not make one prostration without raising you a degree because of it, and removing a sin from you, because of it. Ma'dan said that then he met Abu al-Darda' and when he asked him, he received a reply similar to that given by Thauban.

In the second Hadith, Rabi'a b. Ka'b said: I was with God's Messenger one night and I brought him water and what he required. He said to me: Ask (anything you like). I said: I ask your company in Paradise. He (the Prophet) said: Or anything else besides it. I said: That is all (what I require). He said: Then help me to achieve this for you by devoting yourself often to prostration. (Sahih Muslim)

So stop rushing through it and start appreciating the gift of sajada and enjoying every second of it. Look forward to it and rejoice in the promise that your sins are being removed, your rank is being raised, and you will be promised the company of the Beloved ﷺ in Paradise!

2. Take inventory of your actions, limb by limb.

We know that our limbs will all speak against us on the Day of Judgement. Isn't it time to intervene and redress the wrongs we've all committed against ourselves? Why wait until that day to answer for everything we've done? Why not apologize to ourselves, limb by limb, body part by body part, NOW?

وَالَّذِينَ إِذَا فَعَلُوا فَاحِشَةً أَوْ ظَلَمُوا أَنفُسَهُمْ ذَكَرُوا اللَّهَ فَاسْتَغْفَرُوا لِذُنُوبِهِمْ وَمَن يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ وَلَمْ يُصِرُّوا عَلَىٰ مَا فَعَلُوا وَهُمْ يَعْلَمُونَ - 3:135

"And those who, when they commit an immorality or wrong themselves [by transgression], remember Allah and seek forgiveness for their sins - and who can forgive sins except Allah ? - and [who] do not persist in what they have done while they know. (3:135)"

Sit with yourself, preferably after you've completed a prayer and find one limb or faculty to focus on and hold yourself accountable for all the wrongs you've used it for. For example, your tongue. Think about all the lies you've told, the foul words you've said, the gossip you've spread, the harsh and mean insults you've hurled at someone, the food/drink you ate that was haram or questionable, etc.

3. Think of the people you've hurt, and make sincere repentance to Allah ﷻ.

We've all hurt people in our lives before, whether physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, etc.

Think about the tears you've ever caused someone. Think about the hearts you've ever broken. Think about the people you've denied. Think about the relationships you've cut off. Think about all of it and either make a physical list or a spiritual list where you go one by one and apologize sincerely before Allah ﷻ for whatever pain you've caused. This is NOT the time to defend yourself or justify your actions. This is the time for COMING CLEAN and making amends in this life before you are taken to task in the next life. Force yourself to admit what you've done to yourself and accept that you were a jerk, then ask Allah ﷻ to forgive you and to grant that person or person all the good in this life and the next.

4. Think of the money you've spent wastefully or the food/drink you've thrown away, or any other unnecessary excessive behavior and ask Allah ﷻ to forgive you. The Prophet ﷺ warned us:

“Allah does not like for you to waste wealth, nor ask many unnecessary questions, nor spread gossip.” (Musnad al Bazzar)

5. Make a vow to yourself and to your Lord and ask Him for strength so that you become more compassionate, more loving, more patient, more understanding, and LESS harsh, judgmental, critical, and cruel. Ask Him to soften your heart and heed the advice of the Beloved ﷺ who said:

“If you want to soften your heart, feed the poor and pat the head of the orphan.i.e, be kind.” (Musnad Ahmad)

P.S. Look into the work of GiveLight Foundation to do both!

6. Don't just eat clean, but listen clean and watch clean. In other words, stop watching filth and listening to garbage music. We've become a gluttonous society that indulges in every form of entertainment and base desire because we have more access to indulge our every whim and desire than ever before. The height of ignorance is being consumed with living and looking healthy on the outside for vanity's sake, but turning a blind eye to the damage we're causing to our spiritual hearts by all the garbage we consume.

The Beloved ﷺ told us:

“Verily, Allah has written for the son of Adam his portion of adultery which he will inevitably commit: the adultery of the eyes is a lustful look, the adultery of the tongue is lustful speech. The soul craves and yearns; the passions will affirm or deny.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

7. READ actual books and improve your literacy and communication skills. One of the greatest gifts that God has given the human being is the faculty of language and to understand things, but we've become a generation and a society that no longer reads and uses our intellect to its actual potential. It's time to turn off the Youtube and TikTok videos, and the never-ending stream of soundbites we get from all forms of digital communication, and actually READ, THINK, REFLECT, and PRAISE our Lord for the gifts that differentiate us from beasts and other creations.

“If Allah intends goodness for someone, he gives him understanding of the religion.” (Bukhari & Muslim)

8. Make dua'h for our scholars, past and present for their tireless service to preserving our deen and guiding us through difficult times. Sit with yourself for a few minutes and remember the teachers you've been impacted by the most and ponder on their lives and their humanity. Relate to them as humans who could have gone into any other field and profited from their brilliant intellects, but who chose the path of God instead because they understood the value of knowing this beautiful faith and teaching it to others. Make a renewed intention to show them the respect they deserve, to honor them for the purpose of honoring *the knowledge* they possess. Make the niyyah to help them if you can by supporting their works and sharing their teachings, or at the very least making du'ah for them.

The Beloved ﷺ taught us: “Whoever does not thank people has not thanked Allah.” (Abu Dawud)

9. Ask Allah ﷻ to give you the best ending from this world and actually sit with yourself and think about exactly what that means for YOU. Visualize it and BELIEVE with certainty that Your Lord will accept your most sincere wish as long as the degree with which you believe is strong with conviction. Remember the words of our Beloved ﷺ who said:

"What I fear most for my community is weakness of certainty." (Tabarani)

DO NOT be weak in your certainty with Allah ﷻ for everything else in creation is fleeting and illusory, but He is the Ultimate Reality and He is in the opinion of His servant, so THINK HIGH always of the MOST HIGH!

10. Start preparing your will. Seriously. Open up a document on your laptop or computer, or even in your Note folder or email draft. Just type. Write out who you want to wash you, where you want to be buried, who you want to distribute specific things to, how you want your kids to be raised, the qualities you want your spouse to consider in a future spouse, etc.

It doesn't have to be a formal document, although that would be ideal. Just write and get the ball rolling. If God forbid anything happens to you, at least you will have given your loved ones SOME direction on how to proceed without you. And something is better than nothing.

As I have said on multiple occasions, this time we've been given is a SPIRITUAL WINDFALL. We will likely NEVER in our lifetimes ever see an opportunity to TURN OUR LIVES around and change course.

Imagine yourself all these years headed down a perilous path but because it was shiny and so full of sparkly lights and distractions, you THOUGHT it was great. And then Allah ﷻ causes your car to spiral out of control and you are finally away from all the blinding lights and distractions and you can see that you were headed towards a cliff!!

He has just taken us off course, the choice is ours: do we go back on the bright and shiny street or choose a quieter, less busy, and more serene road that leads to somewhere truly SAFE?

May Allah ﷻ guide us and give us and help us come out as winners after all of this, not losers. Amin.

-Ustadha Hosai Mojaddidi

[rivkahstudies]

Hi, i've been having big troubles with wanting to be better at academia and stuff but im not really sure how to get started... i sorta feel like an imposter a lot but im trying to not let it affect me but sometimes i just have moments of excruciating executive dysfunction where i can't move because I want to do so many things and my body is fighting against me... Idk if i even have a question really but it feels better to tell you this... i really look up you a lot and have for a long time...

Hi nonnie! It’s incredibly brave of you to drop this in my inbox. Yes, even anonymously. It takes a lot to even type that kind of honesty out. So thank you, and I hope you take a moment to thank yourself.

Secondly, thank you for touching my heart by your kind words. I hope you realize as you look up to me that I have the same kind of feelings, as do many studyblrs–and I’m dedicated to being honest about it so you don’t feel as if you have to live up to a perfect (and impossible, and fake) standard. I go to therapy regularly despite being in a lot better place than I used to be, because it’s almost like going for a mental check-up or gym session, and my therapist helps me sort through even tiny things so I can build better habits and mindsets. But I still remember feelings of dysfunction well, and I still battle with imposter syndrome!

The most important key ideas here are attainable goals and self talk. Both of these ideas don’t come easily, they do take work, but they’re tools that make other difficult things easier over time, with persistence.

When your body is fighting you (and really, more than anything with executive dysfunction, your mind is fighting you and making your body less functional), even baby steps can be difficult. For you, it could be anything from exercising to studying to eating to showering. Big or small, it’s totally valid that you may or may not struggle with it, and it doesn’t make you desperate for attention, or fake, or pathetic.

Let’s take your desire to “get better at academia.” That could mean a lot of things, so I’m going to latch onto one facet of it as an example. If it doesn’t apply with that exact example, that’s completely okay! Just alter it to apply to what you are struggling with, or desiring.

1. Big, abstract goal: to get better at academia

2. What that means (for this example): developing better study habits

3. What kind of things constitute that? That’s still a big, abstract goal that sounds quite formidable and unattainable. List out as many things as you can that you are striving to do or would want to try. Not everything might work for you!

Managing time better

scheduling study time

being accountable via apps or with family/friends

being efficient or effective (i.e. not getting distracted 

Finding study habits that work for you and for the class’ requirements

flashcards

typed computer notes

handwritten computer notes

handwritten paper notes

infographics

youtube videos

interactive online exercises

conversations with classmates, tutors, or professors

podcasts

mind maps

journal entries

presentations

self-made study guides

practice tests (self-made or provided, online or on paper)

Feynman’s technique–writing a summary of what you’re studying, and then comparing it to the actual material. Whatever is missing is what you need to focus on, because my mantra is that it will always appear on the test.

ranking the subjects or topics by what you know most to least and studying from the bottom up. I can post a more detailed guide to this if you want! just hit me up again.

Also changing the way you treat and care for yourself

setting a stable routine

eating better (this means different things for different people–maybe you need more Vitamin C, so you should focus on more fruits in your diet, or iron, so vegetables, etc… consult with a doctor or registered dietician, not a nutritionist since they don’t have to have a degree or certification)

going to bed at a routine time

if you have to choose one, make the wake up time set. that way, if you do go to bed late but wake up at that time, it’ll reset your body clock to be sleepier earlier the next day. it’ll eventually even itself out. 

drinking more water

setting up or revising your skin care routine

taking measured and unmeasured breaks away from studying to allow the information to set in your brain and to give your mind and body a much-needed reprieve

setting limits on how much screentime you want yourself to add

Self-talk

This is the big one I want to impart on you before this post is over.

You can’t just try to implement these better habits. You also have to focus on what you’re thinking when you’re doing or not doing them, and how you’re psychologically treating yourself. This isn’t easy! It takes a lot of time. And that’s okay. You aren’t going to be free of this stuff overnight. I’ve been working on this stuff actively since I was about 17 and I’m still struggling with it. But I’m also much better at addressing it than I was almost three years ago.

Be aware

Recognize when you’re treating yourself harshly. Acknowledge those times you say “I’m not good enough” in the very back of your mind. Because a lot of times we aren’t even fully conscious of how much we say “I hate myself” or “I’m stupid” or “I can’t do this.”

Once you’ve done that, start calling attention to it.

Hold yourself accountable. If this were someone hurting a friend of yours, you would likely be calling them out for the whole world to know their cruel behavior isn’t acceptable. It’s the same thing for yourself! Those awful thoughts in your brain might live there from self-doubt, mental illness, or other reasons, but you do get to decide if they pilot your actions and your mentality, even if they’re whispering awful things about how you don’t have a choice but letting them be in control. 

I will freely admit on here that I’m attending therapy, because I seek to destigmatize it. I’m not at rock bottom. I’m not pathetic. I just noticed some things about me that I need to change, heal, and/or improve, and I wanted a professional to help me! Much like if I sprained my ankle or got a cold and needed to see a doctor. And one of the things that my therapist told me was as much as my anxiety felt debilitating, I am the one piloting my body and I am the one who gets to decide whether my self-talk is going to change.

And do it gently.

Not “you’re an awful person for saying these things about yourself.” You don’t solve bullying with bullying, and you definitely don’t solve putting yourself down or feeling like an imposter but doing more of the same. Instead, show compassion to yourself. 

Have a conversation with yourself.

“Why do I feel like this?” 

“Where is this coming from?”

“What makes me say that?” 

“What can I say instead?”

“What would make me feel better?”

“What could change my mindset about this problem?”

The choice is up to you how you do it. But pretend you’re pulling someone who is misbehaving or acting cruel aside, and instead of reprimanding them, you just gently put your hand on their shoulder and say, “I’m here. What’s going on? What’s causing this behavior?”

Do the same exact thing with yourself! Offer that compassionate hand. If you’re anything like me, your imposter system is probably coming from undue pressure on yourself, self-doubt, previous bad experiences, fear of failure or rejection, insecurity, anxiety, or any number of other things that could make you doubt your beauty, your talent, your work ethic, your ability to succeed.

And a lot more people have it than you think! Just don’t compare yourself to others when, even if you know them well, you can’t know them 100%. I’m sharing my experiences because I want you to know that you’re not alone. And I also want you to know that you can only fix yourself, you can only control yourself, and the same goes for others–they have no business (and probably aren’t thinking of having any business) judging you or controlling you. If they are, screw them. Your job is to take care of and focus on yourself.

Once you know where it’s coming from, start substituting the language.

You can’t do this. “You may not be able to do this yet, but with some effort, you’ll be able to–or, you’ll be close to being able to.”

You’re a failure. “Everyone makes mistakes or fails. It doesn’t define you.”

It was just luck that got you this far. “It was hard work, passion, and effort. Keep hanging onto those things.”

You’re not good enough. “You are enough, and you don’t exist for others. You exist for yourself.”

People will get bored of you. “You don’t exist to entertain or please others.”

There’s a million more I could go through, but hopefully these examples are enough for you to apply it to your own doubts.

This might be a good exercise to journal. Because then you actually have to get the thoughts out instead of them staying scrambled in your brain. Feel free to do a bulleted guide for yourself like this one!

Etc, etc, etc… Any one of these single bullets could be an entirely distinct post, but I hope this is enough to start you off, nonnie. I want to apologize for taking my sweet time responding, but I really hope you’re still out there, somewhere on tumblr, and you see this post. You are loved, nonnie, especially by me, and I’m always here if you need something. If you message me again, call yourself something, like “self talk nonnie,” so I know I’m still talking to you.

You are all loved! You are all enough! You are all valuable and beautiful as long as you stay true to yourselves.

[twilight-seer]

Gaining Trust

How do you gain the trust of other people, especially the ones with serious trust issues? This article shall highlights the answers for this question.

Building trust in a friendship, relationship, or therapy and counseling clients can sometimes be difficult, annoying, and seems like a never ending work. You know that you are trying your best to be friendly, compassionate, and understanding, but why does it doesn’t seem to work?

In this article, would be using some external sources and information to facilitate the brainstorming and synthesis of the answers into a well-organized steps and methods needed to build trust.

To be able to build trust, one must learn the skills of active listening, but what is active listening?

According to Wikipedia, active listening is:

Active listening is a technique that is used in counseling, training, and solving disputes or conflicts. It requires the listener to fully concentrate, understand, respond and then remember what is being said.

Active listening involves listening with all senses. As well as giving full attention to the speaker, it is important that the ‘active listener’ is also ‘seen’ to be listening - otherwise the speaker may conclude that what they are talking about is uninteresting to the listener.

Interest can be conveyed to the speaker by using both verbal and non-verbal messages such as maintaining eye contact, nodding your head and smiling, agreeing by saying ‘Yes’ or simply ‘Mmm hmm’ to encourage them to continue. By providing this ‘feedback’ the person speaking will usually feel more at ease and therefore communicate more easily, openly and honestly.

It will take me lots of time to compile all the other ambiguous and repetitive steps in active listening, I will just create my own version.

Active listening is listening to understand, not to respond.

Understanding requires a degree of empathy, comprehension, and memory retention.

Questioning, Reflection, and Thoughtful Responses are the ones that signifies and serves as evidence for active listening.

Be aware of the other person’s intentions and see if they really want to talk, vent their feelings, of if they want to know more about you before doing active listening.

Active listening is only one of the steps for gaining the trust of other people, it is a simple and effective step, but without the other methods, it won’t be able to gain the trust of others alone.

Trust is such a fragile thing. As fragile as a woman’s heart, and a person’s ego.

A person whose trust is already broken won’t be able to heal as quickly nor as completely.

Your job is not to make their trust issues go away, but to put them aside for a while so you can have a good conversation without the same “I don’t do that, I don’t trust this and that” kind of thinking. You can do them with the following methods:

Active listening - Listening intently and patiently to the other person.

Neutral Compassion - Understanding their negative and weird point of view but not confirming it neither insisting your point of view. Similar to how a mature dad talks with his old mature son.

Tactfulness - Proper wording, structure, and language when communicating to the person to prevent as much misunderstandings as possible by addressing technicalities, making intentions clear, and solving future misunderstandings.

Openness - Becoming open-minded and not easily shocked by anything, as if you are an old sage who have understood and seen all that is there to be seen in the world, that you know the feelings that lie deep inside the person’s words and actions.

Sincerity - Speaking in a gentle, calm, and relaxed manner made to make your intentions perfectly clear and good without the need to directly say it to the other person. Shows your desire to understand, help, or support the person you are talking with, usually combined with Empathy.

Enthusiasm - A more energetic form of Sincerity, it is being cheerful, optimistic, and a fun person to spread positive energy, infect others with happiness, and become a living proof that the world isn’t all dark.

Vulnerability - Showing and expressing your emotions, weaknesses, and suffering to other people, not for them to laugh at it, but for them to appreciate and acknowledge how strong and courageous you are to become a “human” in this world where they loathe their own species. It helps the person to understand in a more subtle yet clearer way, that it’s okay and perfectly fine to trust other people.

Good grief, that’s a lot of skills. I won’t be able to get them all in a single session or a ten session of experiments and operations. Many of them are against my own character so it will take a long time for me to get accustomed to it. Well we got an entire lifetime to learn it so let’s do this.

I think we are still missing the most important thing in building trust… I wonder what that is.

Is that love? professionalism? No it’s not that.

It’s time.

Time is the most important and essential thing in building trust and physical buildings or constructions. It accounts up to 35% of the chart of trust, being the highest out of all the contributing factors in building trust. But wait, what’s this “chart of trust”?

The chart of trust is:

35% - Time

20% - Active Listening

13% - Tactfulness and Openness (Comprehension and Linguistic ability)

12% - Neutral Compassion (Gentleness)

10% - Sincerity

5% - Vulnerability

5% - Enthusiasm

To explain and give the rationale for this chart, it would be wise to give an example, a situation or- Understand how difficult it takes to build the trust for those with extreme trust issues.

In a case study I’ve recently read before, there’s this woman who went in therapy and spent many weeks and sessions with the therapists saying how she cannot express herself or answer the question because of her own trust issues.

So instead of asking questions or directing the therapy, she let the patient express herself. Sometimes, they would spend many hours doing nothing in the office, and won’t start the session until the patient finally got bored and start to speak for herself.

(Note: This isn’t a good idea when you’re not a therapist or neither did the patient willingly come to you to help her face the issues and problems. Doing nothing for a long time might make the person come to the conclusion that you are uninterested and a waste of time, so it is suggested that instead of doing nothing, they would do gentle and light activities that subtly remind the person of their own problems until they get comfortable enough to express themselves such as listening to music, story telling, or playing light games.)

Then the time came where she finally got comfortable enough to express herself, she got angry, expressed sadness, and despaired about the events that was crippling her mind for many years.

But what did the therapist do? No, he didn’t immediately controlled the direction of the session, neither did he just passively observed the woman, instead he complimented her ability to express herself and that he is interested on it by using first person pronouns and self-expression words.

Oh geez this is getting boring but you get the point. I’ll skip to the main content.

These people with the highest trust issues are one of the most broken humans in the planet. Always trying to gather themselves and fix it, but no matter what they do the sand falls outside their hands, unable to take any shape without a container. Technically, they are already “broken” in a sense, but in order to continue living, all humans must believe that they are alive and whole, thus creating the holographic illusion of a glass shattered with cracks on the inside and outside, being hold together by lots of duct tape and glue. This illusionary and projected sense of self is what they believe they are, so instead of acting like a broken corpse, they strive to act like an extremely fragile and technically dead versions of themselves to continue living.

So it is of utmost importance to handle them with care, to treat them in the gentlest way possible, and allow them to take all their time in the world. This may seem easy while reading this article, but this is one of the most difficult thing that some humans have to do, which is many levels of difficulty than a triple 280 degree air screwdriver backflip combo.

It takes lots of time and patience so if you haven’t experienced waiting for at least a year or two for something trivial but important to you, then it would be almost impossible. Patience is a legendary skill, being the only active skill that doesn’t have any cooldown and whose effects transcends time and space. You will need lots and lots of time, commitment, and perseverance to acquire that skill, so yeah, that’s the point it won’t be easy.

Now you may start think why these kind of annoying humans who have done little contribution to society should be given that much attention, time, and special treatment. But the answer is rather simple. Ask yourself, do you think you have contributed many things to the world? Have you really earned your right to exist and live? And do you deserve to be happier than millions of people? No you don’t, and neither do they. If you get treated by an enlightened therapist to unlock your potential and find yourself within just a year, then you would be 1000x better than you currently are. The same thing can happen for them, except they would need it more than you for hundreds of reasons. Stay put and use your critical mind to discover your weaknesses instead of criticizing others.

So where are we? Oh that’s right, we’re discussing about how to gain the trust of the most cynical and vigilant humans on the planet.

I placed the sincerity below the chart because some humans doesn’t want anymore self-pity and empathy from others, they are already blaming and feeling bad about themselves a thousand times per day, and they don’t want you or anyone else to increase that number. They want to solve their problem, make themselves whole again, express their feelings, and be understood by other people. They do not need any of your annoying sympathy that doesn’t really help or comfort them in any way. One must be gentle, neutral, and tactful instead of absorbing all their negative energy just for the sake of empathy.

Vulnerability is low on the list since making yourself worse than other’s doesn’t really help nor teach them anything. If tell your parents that Bob got worse grades than you on the test where you got a D, would your parents be happy or satisfied about it? No they won’t, so these attempts to self-deprecate just so others can feel better about themselves are quite inefficient, negative, and primitive. They won’t always perceive it as you expected, so you better off using the other techniques and skills on the chart unless you’re not a therapist and you are talking to your friend, then it can be a good way to establish socio-emotional connections and add more depth to your friendship.

Enthusiasm is great and cool, but most of the time, instead of being helpful to other people who have trust issues, it makes them more suspicious and guarded to you especially if you act like the church guy always knocking on the door to give flyers and pamphlets that almost no one reads or like the salesman trying to sell an overpriced item by projecting and combining their enthusiasm and positivity with it. However, it is a great thing when it comes to friendships and relationships and for people who only have a moderate degree of skepticism and not those extreme ones.

So overall, the most important things here to build trust is Time, Active Listening, Tactfulness, and Neutral Compassion. One cannot learn it by just practicing it in the head or imagining scenarios, like they say, practice makes progress, and learning from mistakes makes perfect.

Humans… are such fragile creatures. Emotionally vulnerable and socially exposed, you wonder how these fragile creatures manage to reach the top of the food chain. Is the duct tape really that strong? Maybe they found a way to cover their weakness? Well it’s not that surprising. They are built and made to break and grow, so their parts are always replaced often, where they eventually become not an unbreakable diamond, but a beautiful glass, filled with water, wine, and the cheers of the lively crowd.

“Remember this feeling my child, this feeling of childlike trust where you wander around the world, trusting everything that you see to be good and nice, without any worries of rejection or regret.”

“Trust no one, and betray the world around you. Don’t trust yourself, and betray your own self.”

[three-houses-text-files]

ferdinand/hubert

c-a support + paired ending

c

Ferdinand: Hm. With this idea, I may be able to get the one-up on Edelgard. Hubert: This again. F: Hubert! I wish you would not sneak up on me like that. H: Maybe you would be more perceptive if your mind were less burdened by sedition. F: Sedition? Absurd. This is an important project. H: Yes, I heard. A new way to prove how superior you are to Lady Edelgard. H: She is not your rival, Ferdinand. She is above you. H: A noble, like you, ought to know his place. F: Anything is better than being a noble like you. F: Every time you open your mouth it's "Lady Edelgard this" or "Lady Edelgard that." Do you ever think for yourself? F: You follow her around like a pet. You spend all of your time fretting over her, and yet you never truly express an opinion of your own. F: Before you reprimand me, take a moment to consider your own failings. H: Your nonsense is tiresome, so I hope this will be the last time I have to remind you. H: Lady Edelgard is the Imperial princess. You are merely the prime minister's son. (pre-skip) H: Lady Edelgard is your emperor. You are nothing more than her retainer. (post -skip) F: Yes, I understand that. But my duty is to guide her, to give frank advice when she is on the wrong course of action. F: That is what I strive to do, always. F: Thus my devotion to surpass Edelgard, so that if she needs guidance, I will be prepared to give it. F: If you think it is tiresome to have a mind of your own, you will never be much of an advisor. H: Does the river of filth pouring out of your mouth ever stop flowing? H: Your obsession with all things superficial is disgusting. F: It's no use. You're hopeless. I'll take my leave. H: I have nothing more to say to you. Get out of here.

——————————————————————————————

b

H: Show them this letter. Threaten them. Do what you must. Now, go. NPC: Yes, sir! F: Hubert, that letter. Is that what I think it was? H: I suppose there's no denying it. F: But Edelgard— H: Explicitly forbade me to send it. Yes, I know. F: I cannot believe it! You disobeyed a direct order? F: I thought you were her loyal aide. H: Unwaveringly. All that I do, I do for her. H: I seem to recall you expressing a similar sentiment. H: It is our role to guide her when she is on the wrong course of action. Is that not what you said? F: You are not supposed to do it in secret! F: When you disagree with your leader, you must voice your concerns directly. Otherwise, what is the point? H: The point is the same. Lady Edelgard's best interests are served, whether she knows it or not. H: She needs not trouble herself with the mundane details of my actions. Only results matter. F: You are sorely misguided! F: When I believe that Edelgard is making a mistake, I tell her as much. F: Through discussing the matter, I sometimes find that I was mistaken. F: To skip that process, to make a decision that is not yours to make... H: Perhaps your advice is simply useless, then. F: Excuse me?! H: Listen to yourself. If I do as Lady Edelgard requires, then you tell me to be more independent. H: But if I tread my own path, I am misguided! H: I suppose the fault is mine for expecting any useful advice to come out of your mouth. Heh. F(?): Ugh, I have had enough of your grousing. F(?): To think, I started to believe you were a useful aide!

——————————————————————————————

a (i)

F: It's strange. I never thought you and I would be able to sit together and drink tea like this. H: Drink tea, you say, but that does not smell like tea. The aroma... Would that be coffee by any chance? F: Imported from Dagda, I believe. I do not care for it myself. H: Your knowledge is impressive. Although I should expect nothing less from a noble, I suppose. H: Lady Edelgard surpasses you in nearly every respect. H: But I think, when it comes to positivity, you may actually exceed her. F: Excuse me? H: In a way, it is merely a mask for your tactlessness. But even so, your relentless optimism... H: Well. Suffice it to say that it is your best quality. F: I... What? H: You are constantly striving to grow as a person. To seek new knowledge. To push new limits. H: When others might get distracted or abandon their path, you never yield. H: In that aspect, at least, I think you are unmatched. F: Hubert... Are you all right? F: Do you have a cold? Or the plague? Am I hearing a deathbed confession? H: It was only a compliment. There's no need for such dramatic exaggeration. F: Dramatic, you say? H: I do my best to analyze others without emotion. H: Even if I find you to be a contemptible degenerate, I can still evaluate your abilities in an impartial way. F: So because you assess people without emotion, you're totally confident in your appraisals. F: It seems I was wrong about you. H: Heh. You actually understand. F: Please do not compliment me again though. I find it quite unsettling. It is like hearing a snake sing an aria. F: At least put it in a letter next time. H: In the very unlikely event that there is a next time, I promise to put it in writing.

——————————————————————————————

a (ii)

H: Hello, Ferdinand. Wait—that aroma... F: Your nose is as sharp as ever, Hubert. Yes, it is a bag of fresh coffee beans. H: Why did you buy coffee? You said you don't care for it. F: My stance has not changed. Drab, bitter, with that muddy texture. If I have even a sip, my hands start to tremble. H: Rather harsh. What are you doing with it, then? F: Well, you see— Wait a moment. What is that? Is that an imported tea from the east? H: It is indeed. Keen eyes. F: Flaunting my favorite drink, right in front of me! And you do not even drink tea. Fiendish. F: It is for Edelgard, I assume? H: Before I answer that, I would like to know what you are doing with the coffee. F: Well, I... H: Is it a gift? Perhaps for someone you fancy? F: A gift, yes. For you. H: Hm. Who is the unlucky— Did you say for me?! H: This coffee is a gift for me? Have I heard you correctly? F: Yes. That is what I said. A noble does not go back on his word. Just take it. H: I should decline. F: Why? H: The thought of receiving a gift from you, unbidden and unreciprocated, fills me with revulsion. H: Therefore...accept this tea. As a gift. From me. F: For me? Are you certain? I would hate to deprive the intended recipient of such a fine tea. H: That would be difficult to do, since I bought it with you in mind. F: Oh, in that case, thank— What? F: You were planning to give this to me all along? H: That is what I said. F: Really? I... Hahaha! F(?): Hahaha. F: Only one thing to do. We must take a tea break. H: Very well. But tea is not what I will be drinking. F: Of course. I will make you some coffee. H: Then I will prepare the tea.

——————————————————————————————

paired ending

Hubert and Ferdinand became the left and right hands of Emperor Edelgard, competing constantly with each other to see who could be the more helpful. They were opposites—the Minister of the Imperial Household, melancholy and merciless, and the prime minister, bright and compassionate. Still, they brought out the best in each other. As the Empire became orderly and prosperous, the two came to be known as the nation's "Two Jewels," and were remembered fondly for generations to come. Some say their fame made even Emperor Edelgard jealous.

[thearcanaartificer]

Okay! These are not the next ones I had, but I crunched through this ask list faster. Here is the original post. I will be cutting off my post a bit because I will only be doing half here and half in another post.

Thank you to those that are reading this and enjoying it. If you ever want to chat, I love talking.

OC asks that reveal more than you think.

1. Do they sleep with a stuffed animal? If they have multiple, who’s the favorite?

She has a few. She made a lot of stuffed animals when she was regaining a lot of her motor skills as a way to practice stitching and pattern making, though most she donated to the local orphanage for the children there and a few have been given to her pets. She likes making stylized bunnies, dogs, cats, birds, and teddy bears. Asra had to hide most of her old ones she had from their childhood- even the ones she had made him when he was ten.

Her most prized one is actually one that she found that Asra didn’t hide very well. A black bunny with mismatched button eyes. She calls it Pumpkin (Yes, she had just bitten into some of Sesali’s pumpkin bread when she named the thing). It’s not well put together and the type of stitching that was used is the wrong choice- like a surgeon had sewn it together like they would a laceration- and messy, but the thing is worn and obviously well loved. She felt attached to it from the first moment she discovered it.

She use to chew on its ears a lot when she was first recovering from her amnesia as a from of comfort. She’s stopped since then, but she takes the best care of it since its the only part of her past that she seems to be able to hold on to without headaches.

2. Can they take care of a plant? What about a pet? What about a child?

Yes to all three! Though she is a bit of a scatterbrain when she’s in the middle of a big thought or job, she’s actually very good at taking care of things. Plants are easy enough, just water them and make sure they are maintained and make sure they get the right amount of sunlight. Boom. Done.

Pets, she has a multitude and some of them are exotic, so she has a few rescues scattered around Vesuvia to keep them properly cared for and has actually hired other Vopels to keep them for her. But she has at least five at home that are hers to care for and she takes very good care of them. Her dog is almost always by her side, her cat is intelligent enough to find her when he wants her company, and her familiar is a bird, so he comes and goes but she always has bones ready for him if he doesn’t want to have to scavenge.

3. Ask them to describe their love interest.

Big dumb, leggy bird of a man.

Okay, she knows he’s not dumb. He’s honestly one of the smartest men she knows- but he does dumb things when left unsupervised! So when she’s trying to describe him in a way that doesn’t give away the fact that he’s Julian Devorak- the wanted ‘murderer’ of the Count- she calls him that.

But if she’s asked to describe her love the right way? He’s a handsome man with the prettiest wild russet red curls of hair, strong nose, and a charismatic energy that will just pull you in. He wears mostly dark colors with at least one flashy bright one for dramatic flair and stands above the rest of the crowd with his height. He may be wearing his eye patch- no he doesn’t need it, its for the aesthetics, thankyouverymuch. He’s brilliant and kind and despite his towering, threatening looking frame, would rather cling tightly to her hand and draw courage from her presence. But he’s brave with or without her. He’s tender and altruistic and plays the part of being confident, but can get nervous and anxious if left alone in his head too long.

4. Do they look good in red?

She thinks she looks good in anything that isn’t predominately white or pastel. So red? Throw in some black or dark greys and yeah, she could work it.

She’d prefer orange though…

5. Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! Will they give one, and what about?

Yes, she’d give you one. No, you don’t want her too. Hers are a bit complicated and unending and always to the wrong audience. One minute she’s giving some normal speech about whatever the occasion is and next, she’s trying to teach a bunch of drunks the nonlinear properties of the magic realms and how to navigate their way through time lapses, its like the folds of fabric with how they intermingle and touch from one time to another, and the different realms can be tricky based on their patterns and-hey Juli put me down! I’m trying to give a speech about- why are we leaving?!

6. Who will they take advice from, no matter what it is? Who won’t they take advice from, no matter what it is?

Old Glory, surprisingly. She’ll take most advice from other Vopel women and even Asra, but she’ll toss out a lot of their sillier ones- like don’t date Ilya (Asra’s). But anything Glory tells her tends to be very good advice (she’s never given her bum advice) and she’s far better with reading people than Odelia and so she’ll just default listen to her on a lot of topics.

She has a long list of who she won’t take advice from, but, to no one’s surprise, she’ll instantly tune out Valdemar’s advice. They rub her wrong and even if the advice is solid, she’ll ignore it because why would she ever want or take their advice?

7. Describe them in three words. Now let them describe themself in three words.

Smol chaotic neutral.

Controlled, chaotic exuberance.

8. Do complex puzzles intrigue or frustrate them?

The more complicated the puzzle, the more interested Odelia is. She has a deep love for whodunit novels because she loves a good mystery to piece together. Her mind loves puzzles of any sort. Magic and science both have the allure of being a puzzle, especially when she’s working on projects that require them to work in tandem (hence her unique brand of magical artificery). Asra use to bring her little puzzles to fidget with as she reclaimed the dexterity of her fingers and she’d just sit there playing with them- before she could even properly speak again- and figure out how solve them by herself.

9. Do they empathize with non-sentient things (dolls, plants, books…)?

She talks to them. A lot. Her plants are her babies and she’ll baby talk them. Her dolls have ‘personalities’ based on weird things they’ve done (like refused to stay in a particular spot so its persnickety about where its to sit or has fragile stitching so it’s an old lady stuffed toy). And books- she’ll talk to them about their condition or if they fall and land funny. A ‘there you are you sneaky thing’ to books that had eluded her.

But Odelia is a talker and it does help her focus on the here and now (rather than get lost in her thoughts) by talking out loud- even to inanimate objects.

10. What age do they most want to be right now?

The age she is now? She’s not one to daydream about her age or whatnot. She’s in her very early thirties and the world is her oyster. She’s fit and capable and her age is just an unimportant number to her. (especially since she doesn’t remember the previous years before ‘waking up’ anyhow.)

11. They’ve won the lottery. Spend, or save?

Haha, she’s already well off, so hurray more money? She’ll just invest the money responsibly as she did the money she had prior to that.

12. Do they like romance in the books they read (or in the book they’re in)?

Oh she’s a sucker for a good romance. If she likes the two characters, she’s in their corner rooting for them. She likes the wittier ones that banter more than anything. But she does get annoyed by impractical drama. Excitement! Danger! Ah YES! ‘Oh no who do I pick? I’m stuck between two choices!’ Grow up and outright pick. Let the one you don’t choose have a chance to get over you and move on with their life and find happiness (or pick both of them if that is a possibility! Just pick!). Because nothing is worse to her than pulling on the heartstrings of someone you aren’t going to pick.

13. Name one thing their parents taught them.

She doesn’t remember her birthparents. They were never a part of her life. Her birthmother briefly, but, when her magic’s rare classification came to light, she was taken into the care of another to raise and train her in the ways of their magic style. But she has had parents in her life. The most current ‘parent figure’ she has (one she remembers) is Old Glory (a nickname she gave the older woman and uses regardless of if the woman is present or not. A bad habit.).

She taught her through her actions that kindness isn’t reflected out outer beauty. Though most think she looks scary, as gnarled and scarred as she is (has a very mean resting bitch face), her heart is kind and compassionate. She tends to children with the utmost of patience, though tolerates no blatant disrespect. She remembers the names of everyone she’s been introduced to and what was last told to her about their day or life. Volunteers her free time to visiting the less fortunate and charging them no fee for her services. Hard shell, ooey, gooey insides.

14. Would they agree with the term ‘guilty pleasure’? Do they have any?

Oh she has guilty pleasures. A lot of the sweets she buys at Sesali’s bakery are guilty pleasures of her because she buys them by the dozens. Also mystery novels. She will re-read mystery novels she’s already read because she still likes the narrative and the build up to the big reveal. And theater. It’s fun, no matter how obvious the plot is sometimes.

15. What would they consider a waste of time– other than school or work?

Oddly enough, she finds sitting down to do her hair or having to apply make up or even more complicated outfits a waste of time. She’s very utilitarian in that regard. A ponytail will keep her hair out of her face so why spend hours learning how to do complicated braids simply because they look pretty?

Don’t be mistaken though. If Portia or Nadia or Julian want to do her hair or make up or dress her up- the time is no longer wasted. They enjoy doing those sorts of things and letting them enjoy themselves, despite how much she doesn’t understand why its enjoyable to them, means the time is well spent.

On her own though, nah. She’d rather do anything else- just throw on some clothes, toss her hair into a pony tail, and get going.

[lucyoftheabyss48]

Cautious Hero: Thoughts on Episodes 1-6

SPOILER WARNING: I’m writing this on the assumption you’ve watched at least the first six episodes of Cautious Hero. You can take this as a review of sorts, and an analysis of maybe a more hidden, overlooked side of the show. The rest is under the cut. If you haven’t seen it but are looking for a reason to watch it and don’t mind some spoilers, then read on. This’ll be the LAST WARNING FOR SPOILERS. So let’s get started.

It may be easy to write Cautious Hero off as just another fun isekai comedy. Every episode seems to have the following formula: the hero Seiya being cautious, the goddess Rista freaking out or getting frustrated at him, some innocent gets in trouble, Seiya finishes his preparations and goes to save the person in an OP fashion, repeat.

However, I think the show has heart. It’s worth watching.

Rista is More Than Just the Memes

She’s loud and crazy and all over the place, and the source of many jokes, especially involving Seiya. She reminds me of Aqua from Konosuba, in that she’s quick to kick up a fuss when things don’t go her way. However, in a way much more obvious than Aqua is, she is a compassionate goddess who cares for her people. This shows in how pressured she feels to raise Seiya as a hero, and in her efforts to push him to save others.

For example:

Almost the entirety of episode 1 is Rista adapting to Seiya’s needs so he can train as he likes. She makes furniture for his room, she cooks for him, she gives him whatever he needs to train. I think what’s important here is that every time she enters his room while he’s training, you see her nose bleeds just at the sight of him from where she’s standing at the door, like this:

She went to him with the goal of getting him to go down to the human world, but she was instantly distracted when she saw him. However, it’s different in episode 2. When the townspeople are seriously in danger, she barges into his room without batting an eyelid at him, and even walks right up to him and grabs his arm (pictures below). The show knows when to joke, but when they’re serious, they’re serious. Human life means a lot to Rista, and the anime makes sure we know it. This is just one example of many where she displays compassion toward humans.  

And we know this isn’t just a fluke, because immediately after Seiya defeats Chaos Machina— as soon as the threat is gone and the town is safe— she hugs and clings to him like this:

The Little Things Behind Seiya’s Actions Matter

Even if he is extremely cautious, he isn’t just an unemotional robot. You could say that caution and wanting to be prepared for anything could stem from some sort of fear, even if it hasn’t been addressed in detail in the anime yet, as of episode 6. It could be fear of death, of pain, of the unknown, etc. It’s treated like a running gag, but Seiya’s cautious nature is proof of his humanity. He just wants to survive. And in episode 2, Rista even questions him about this when he refuses to save the town right away. And guess what? He can’t answer her.

But. He still accepts the good luck charm from the child. He still accepts the two dragon kids, Mash and Elulu, into his party, even if he says they’re just baggage carriers to him. Both of which he does under Rista’s encouragement. By episode 6, he eats Rista’s cooking now, assured and confident that it’s safe— that she wouldn’t poison him:

In other words, he trusts Rista. And it shows. In episode 6, he makes a fake Igzasion. He used his pre-made sword to trick everyone into thinking the lizard leader Leviae became the sword, that the problem was solved.

Why would he do this? Let’s take a closer look at this conversation that occurs after the battle ended, when Rista and Seiya are on their own, talking about the sword.

Rista: “And you used that to hoodwink everyone, huh? To put their minds at ease.”

Seiya: “Look, you can’t tell anyone.”

Rista: “I know. But if, like Leviae said, Igzasion is the only weapon that can beat the Demon Lord…”

Seiya: “We’ll just have to find another way. You said so yourself, didn’t you?”

Rista: “I-I was caught up in the moment when I said that.”

Seiya: “Gonna be okay. Something will work out.”

Rista: “Huh?”

Seiya: “Let’s go. They’re waiting for us.”

(emphasis added)

Now wait. Take a look at Seiya’s line here: “We’ll just have to find another way. You said so yourself, didn’t you?”

When did Rista say this? Let’s go back a few minutes, earlier in the same episode. Elulu is being pushed to the edge of the abyss by the big guards. Mash is being restrained from saving her. Rista has no offensive magic, and can’t do anything. But Seiya shows up behind the guards, and says that they can’t kill her, because she’s his baggage carrier. Rista then breaks into laughter, to which Leviae questions if she, like the hero, has no intention of defeating the demon lord or saving the world. And here’s her answer:

Rista: “I swear to you, we will still save this world. But we can’t sacrifice the life of one of our friends to do so! We will find some other way that does not require Igzasion and defeat the Demon Lord!”

Leviae: “Really… like hero, like goddess.”

(emphasis added)

First, remember what Leviae says right here, I’ll come back to that. Second, Seiya, in his own fashion, saves Elulu after the whole episode dragged on about her being sacrificed, and no one truly tried to stop her yet. Rista was inspired by him, and she’s genuinely happy that Seiya for once is saving someone of his own accord, for his own interests— that she didn’t have to force him or push him to do it. And not only that, she gets the implication. She gets it.

He’s willing to give up a weapon that may be key to defeating the Demon Lord, the biggest threat in the world, the biggest danger, the one existence he should be the most cautious of. He’s giving up a weapon that may be able to get rid of that danger, and why? Because he doesn’t want Elulu to die.

He’d rather give up this ultimate weapon than give up one of his party members. Even if he says she’s just a baggage carrier, there’s no reasonable way Seiya would value a baggage carrier over an ultimate weapon. In the end, he’s choosing her because he has no way of knowing for sure the weapon would even work, so he’d rather choose for Elulu to live. He might be wrong. Maybe it would’ve been better if he had killed her for the sword. But he values her life more than the possible risk that he may be wrong.

And we know how cautious he is. We know how well he thinks through everything. We know every decision he makes is one that he knows for sure is the best one. So for him to save Elulu and give up the sword, means a lot.

And Rista knows it. That’s why she makes this face at him.  

That’s why she’s able to laugh so happily, then so determinedly and confidently and assuredly says that they’ll “find some other way.”  

But then for Seiya to say her words back to her? 

He was listening to her. He remembered what she said. All this time, she’s been nagging him and harping on him, and he only ever does what he wants. He trains by himself, he doesn’t let her see his stats, he acts on his own without listening to her requests. He constantly and consistently acts without any regard for her. He always put his safety and caution as his top priority.

But just this once, he did listen. And not only that, he accepted it. He’s willing to say something so unlike himself, something so unplanned as “something will work out.”

Because he got it from her.

That’s why Rista gets so flustered, and stutters when she says she got caught up in the moment. That’s why she confusedly goes, “Huh?” when he says that. She’s surprised that he heard her. He heard her.

He influenced her, and she influenced him.

Like hero, like goddess.

This is what Cautious Hero is about. It’s not the running gag of Seiya’s extreme caution, or Rista’s antics, though the comedy is entertaining. These two people are forced into this situation they don’t want to be in. But they’re in the same boat. This world is just as dangerous and unfamiliar to them both.

In episode 1, Rista reveals she has saved five worlds before, but the average is ten, and some veterans have saved even hundreds. When it’s announced (with much ceremony and shiny fireworks and a large audience) that she’ll be in charge of saving Gaeabrande, an S-level difficulty world, a god in the background says, “Once you overcome this, you’ll be a full-fledged goddess!”

She isn’t one yet.

Rista responds that she’ll “do [her] best to gain as much experience as [she] can” from saving this S-level world. A world that is “dreadful enough to give even veterans pause.” It’s her assignment. Her mission, and everyone knows it. She has a lot to prove, and a lot to lose.

She’s out of her league. She isn’t as experienced as her talented senior goddess friend, Aria, who she asks for advice many times. She summons Seiya in hopes that he’ll be able to help her. She asks other gods to train Seiya for her in episodes 3 and 5. In other words, she isn’t all that confident in herself and seeks outside help often.

Seiya on the other hand, just wants to live his life safely. This dangerous, new, unfamiliar world is the last place he’d want to be in. But unlike Rista, he is confident in his ability to do what it takes to become perfectly ready. But he lacks compassion and care for others, often hurting them without remorse because of his need for caution. And as we know, Rista has compassion in spades.

Rista and Seiya complement each other, and they cover the other’s weaknesses. They’re slowly changing, because of the other.

This is where the heart of Cautious Hero is. And in my opinion, that’s a good enough reason to watch it to me.

[modern-oedipus]

Idk what’s with me & doing shout-outs today but as I said, I’ve had a change of environment with someone I love & I had a calm night that properly gave me time and energy to recollect my thoughts, socialize, enjoy a movie and everything. As much as I love my mother, staying over her house was so tiring because she is the type who tries to solve things by yelling. Having a new puppy (not to mention I’ve never taken care of a puppy before and I mostly did all work by myself) over was chaotic too, and as much as it was a treasuring experience it kind of took time to adapt. (On good news, I adapted, I love my dog so much, he adapted too, we are good and I am grateful to have him). Projects were a lot too.

Long story short, I couldn’t take proper time to focus on either myself or my work or anyone I love since beginning of July. It was a major transformation in my life by many aspects. Not bad aspects at all, but still, transition requires energy. I also was sick briefly (no corona) that affected me like a week.

Anyway, today— at least second half of today, I got time for myself. I reconnected, I’ve done some shout-outs that I kinda think of usually & too hesitant to randomly post sap, I took a moment to sit and write, to relax, and all.

It’s almost 3 am now. I’m nowhere done with my projects and not all problems in my life are solved. But I am feeling calm and connected to my life. Making effort to get back in track and check up on those I’ve neglected during the transition phase (who would have thought that having a dog would change my routine to this extend?) and overall, I think it’s okay.

It’s 2020, financial troubles are on way too, not to mention self isolation and everything that we all know. But I still want to make the best out of it with the conditions and chances I have right now. This year didn’t go as “great” as I planned since I cancelled my trips, had some of my college life stolen due online classes, my parents divorved and all, but— as we discuss in Stoistic view in philosophy club (I am a quite active member of it even though I can’t say I’m a stoistic), these are “outside” conditions— and I have most, even though not all, control and responsibility over my peace of mind. I recognize that there are inevitable things that may affect me quite badly— such as, hopefully not, me or a loved one or anyone getting covid, but like. All I can do is to stay safe and hygenic. I’ve already applied the labs to ask whether I could help for vaccine development (since I’m a molecular biology undergrad) but they didn’t accept undergrads due safety reasons, so I have done all I could. I am now working on two distinct projects that I want— one is about identifying problematic genes in humans (so we can prevent bad shit from happening) and other is about kind of helping the nature and ecosystem to be safe (can’t give details). I am doing my best, both in the ACTUAL, CONCRETE ACTIONS of “making the world a better place” in my own way— by writing, publishing, and working on real problems of our dear world, and in the aspect of my personal life. I know that in the big picture, I don’t matter too much, as in, I’m just an undergrad and this is a 2 months long project, right? It’s okay. I know that I’m doing my best and I’d rather do it than sit somewhere, sulk, complain and do nothing. I sincerely believe that if all of us seek to be the best version of ourselves everyday— more productive, more kind, more compassionate, more clean, more welcoming— whatever your criteria is, then honestly, we all can make our world and our lives more cozy. I am not ignoring the problems of 2020, but I am doing my best not to use them as major excuses to sit there and sulk, since I am (thankfulky) healthy, alive, and have access to technological devices and internet— and I have time. I mean, I wake up everyday. Which means I can make the most of it. I like doing it. I mean, what else would I even do? Sit and binge Netflix like I used to do when I was younger? But how long? For how long could I stay in the fantasy world when I could make use of my life and education and abilities irl? Not so long. Ah, my 3 am sap ended up being long. Long story short, I am doing my best. My best not be the “best” version of an idealistic human being, but at the end of the day, I always try to live the way I want to, in the most compassionate way, both in my personal and professional life. Let’s hope it works out. Once again, I’m thankful for everyone who made my life better— I love you all. 🤍

Gay sap over, good night.

[lincoln-cannon]

What a spring! Pandemic, shutdowns, layoffs, protests, riots – not to mention earthquakes and rumors of, what, murder hornets? I wouldn’t blame you if you’re tempted to think it’s the end of the world.

But I’ve got a proposal for you. Instead of the end, maybe it’s the beginning.

I’ve been spending some time thinking about scriptural prophecies. And I’m clearly not alone. Videos about prophecies in the Bible have been around a long time. But, right now, they’re getting many more views and shares than usual.

One video, shared with me by a friend, uses prophecies from the book of Daniel to make the case that we’re living in what the scriptures call the “end times.” And a family member shared with me another video that even tries to use the book of Revelation to calculate the timing of Jesus’ return. No one knows the day or the hour, says the Bible. But the person in the video claims that we can know the week.

The family member who shared the second video with me asked for my opinion. So here’s what I told her.

I think the primary value of prophecy is how it affects us – how it affects our thoughts, our words and actions. I don’t think that we should understand prophecy as fortune-telling or fate. But instead we can understand it as something like forth-telling.

Forth-telling would be an expression of envisioned possibility. It can be about good possibilities, or bad. But it’s always conditional on our faith – on our practical trust and action. And it’s always intended to provoke us, either to pursue the good or to avoid the bad.

It’s like the story of Jonah and Nineveh, in the Bible. God tells Jonah to tell Nineveh that they’re going to be destroyed, without qualification. So Jonah tells them. But they repent, God spares them, and Jonah gets mad at God for not fulfilling his prophecy.

Likewise, prophecies about the end of the world have different meanings for different people. Some who lived two thousand years ago thought these prophecies entailed the end of the world in their time. Some people who lived one thousand years ago, one hundred years ago, and even ten years ago thought the same.

Humans are highly capable of finding and making purpose from symbols. When we make an effort, we can apply any prophecy to ourselves and our time. And, as Nephi points out in the Book of Mormon, that can be a good thing. But it can also be a bad thing, depending on how our interpretations affect us.

For example, do our interpretations of prophecy give us hope? Do they motivate us to be more courageous and compassionate? Do they provoke us to work, to serve, and actually to show our love for each other in real action?

Or do our interpretations of prophecy weigh us down with distress? Maybe they motivate us to say cruel things or even to act violently? Or maybe they just make us apathetic to others’ suffering? We might tell ourselves, “they had it coming!”

I think that, at least on reflection, we each have a choice to make. We can choose how to think about prophecy. We can choose how to talk about it, and how to act on it. And that choice can have serious practical consequences.

So is this the end of the world? Well, it might be the end of some things. And let’s hope so! Poverty, war, disease, even death: they should all end, so far as I’m concerned.

And the scriptures seem to agree. Remember the prophecy of Joseph Smith, who wrote that the day would come when poverty and enmity will end. Remember the prophecy of Paul the Apostle, who wrote that the day would come when even death will end – the dead resurrected, and the living transfigured.

And where there are endings, there are always beginnings. We can see this in the book of Revelation, where John concludes his prophecy by describing the beginning of “a new heaven and a new Earth.”

I don’t know about you. But I find – I feel – hope when I think about these new beginnings. And that feeling leads me to wonder, is there anything that I can do to help realize that hope? Is there anything that you and I, together, can do to make that better world sooner rather than later?

So it seems to me, when we hear a prophet say that it’s the end of the world, we get to choose. And we can be like Nineveh. We can understand that prophecies, even dark ones, are always invitations to new beginnings.

Of course each new beginning requires change. And change ultimately has to be more than just nice thoughts and words. It has to be the active and transformative change that the scriptures call “repentance.” It’s a difficult change.

But I feel like it’s at least a little easier, and way more effective, when I imagine the needed change as a new beginning. With that hope in mind, I’m more likely to “stand up and do something more than dream,” like we sing in the hymn. Then “doing good [really] is a pleasure” and less of a chore.

Okay. Here’s one last prophecy to think about. John in the New Testament and Moroni in the Book of Mormon both prophesy about the return of Christ. And they both say that “when he appears, we shall be like him.”

If they’re right, as I trust they are, the return of Christ seems to depend on our new beginning as better people – and not the other way around. In other words, Jesus isn’t going to force the new beginning on us. Instead, it looks like we have choices to make and work to do.

So, what’s next? What will next month bring? What comes after pandemics and riots? Honestly, I think that mostly depends on us.

Originally published at lincoln.metacannon.net on June 27, 2020.

[shahzadarsi17-blog]

Private Branding: A Complete Manual

Without a doubt, we all have a personal brand name. You have a personal brand and also been sharing this brand using everyone that you have ever are in contact with. The way you choose to portray by yourself is your personal brand. At this point, the question is can you agree with this brand? Is it a real representation of who you are?

What exactly is Brand?

Your brand is actually people say about you when you are not in the room" : Jeff Bezos, Founder associated with Amazon

Actually a brand is completely anything, the mere proven fact that you know that one thing is certainly not the other, is branding. As a result a brand is a name, a thought, design, symbols, attributes, status and quality that separate one feature from yet another. That is why Apple's identity differs from the others from Samsung's, even though they offer, essentially, the same idea. Very same ideas, but different strategies to presenting them. That's the things that make the each one unique. Customer avatar

Think about Personal Branding?

"All individuals need to understand the importance of logos. We are CEOs of our very own companies: Me Inc. To stay in business today, our most crucial job is to be head online marketer for the brand called An individual. " - Tom Peters

It is the same concept, the sole difference is that it is now over a personal scale. Your personal label is your brand name. You look completely different from everyone else, therefore your physical appearance is your brand design. You will have different parents, fingerprints, prices, personality, voice, qualities, notion and elements than all others. Therefore , you are unique.

This is just what personal branding is about, currently being your original authentic do it yourself and presenting yourself as a result. You do not see Apple as well as Samsung showcasing their manufacturers in a similar manner, even though they are fundamentally selling the same idea.

You might have the same qualifications, knowledge and you might even have gone for the same learning institution because the candidate you are competing to the job with. Who and then gets the job? It is just about all up to your personal brand.

"Personal branding is about managing your own personal name - even if you may own a business - inside a world of misinformation, disinformation, and also semi-permanent Google records. A weight date? Chances are that your "blind" date has Googled your personal name. Going to a job meeting? Ditto. " - Claire Ferriss

Why is a great private brand important for your career?

Top rated tips:

CVs or resumes are no longer enough. In fact , I actually predict that in the years into the future, resumes, as we know them nowadays will cease to exist. Be steady in the manner you sell your own brand. Showcase your ability and become a leader in your area associated with. Sell your unique promise. Speak your true values, guidelines, ethics and integrity successfully and consistently.

Focusing on all these strategies will help you get, not merely any job, but a career that is best suited for you. Just how is that? Because the manner in which anyone communicate your brand will be specific and unique to you personally. And you might have the exact requirements with your job competitor, nonetheless your attributes would be diverse. This way, you are not a duplicate regarding another, as that can be seen as boring and predictable. Additionally, this strategy allows you to attract the proper employer that appreciates along with values your brand assure. Digital marketing service

So what would make your company stand-out? What makes you dissimilar to anyone else? And why is it important build your personal brand? Discuss will help you build an authentic in addition to marketable personal brand. The following are the tips to help you be unique industry by storm competition.

Looking At Your Talents

This is an important factor in personalized branding. It is not an idea simply centred on your own perceptions, but in addition of those who know you actually well.

Those with a solid particular brand, know who they are and exactly they want in life. In fact , these are crystal clear on that. This is how you get to understand and identify your unique selling points. So that you can help you with this important activity, I have compiled several concerns for you to help keep you give attention to identifying your true talents:

What was/were the highlight/s of my career, as well as why am I so pleased with these moments? What was one of the most fulfilling task or job I have ever worked on, and also why was it rewarding? What role do I constantly play in group jobs, and how do others inside the group view me? How can you overcome the most challenging obstructions? What tools do I make use of? What do I enjoy doing the almost all (business or leisure) Only were to talk to someone regarding the subject that I enjoy the nearly all, what would it be? Merely were to accomplish something involving great significance to me, along with there would be no obstacles connected with any kind to stand in your path, what would it be? Currently, try to think of 10 one-word descriptions of your strengths at the. g. creative, compassionate etc Choose people who know a person, your friends, family and colleagues and enquire of them to each give you their very own insight of what your benefits are. After doing in which compare your lists having theirs. Share your record with them and see if they see you the same way as you look at yourself.

"Emphasize your strong points on your CV, in your protect letters and in your job interviews. It may sound obvious, yet you'd be surprised how many people basically list everything they've ever before done. Convey your interest and link your advantages to measure results. Organisations and interviewers love tangible data" - Marcus Buckingham

Now that you know what your talents are, use them. Utilise these as part of your strategic plan in the daily activities as well as with possible employers. Let the right customers know these gifts. Converse them effectively using every single relevant resource available to you. You should use your CV to highlight your current strengths, online profiles and also you must unquestionably have a individual website as your digital CURRICULUM VITAE. Just remember your values in addition to ethics when communicating in your audience. This will set an individual apart.

Know your Constraints

We all have weaknesses, nonetheless it is not always easy to approve them. It is in your welfare to be completely honest along with your self about what your limits are or you will set yourself on the spot for significant disappointments. Remember that a weak spot is anything from staying utterly uninterested about something in life to having limited expertise to do anything of interest.

"My perspective is that if you push us towards something that you think is actually a weakness, then I will convert that perceived weakness directly into strength" - Michael Jordan

Why don't help you identify these flaws:

Which aspects of my career/ education that I like the the very least, and why? Am I somebody who believes completely that I should have more and better? Do I come to be debilitated by the thought of the need to perform certain tasks? What type of tasks? What were time points in my career, as well as why? In a group circumstance, which role/s do I just like the least? What was the least successful task/project I have ever done, and why did it are unsuccessful? In the face of obstacles, what makes my family give up? What is the most uninspiring subject to talk about for me? Exactly what do I think are my 15 weaknesses? Be honest with yourself. Since on question 9 throughout strengths, only substitute weak point for strength.

Do not waste material your time with weaknesses which often not hinder your specialist goals. Establish what restriction you can turn into strengths so that you can jump-start your career. Learn the relevant skills that will help you progress. Put your self in uncomfortable networking scenarios if you need people skills as an example. Remember to mainly focus on weak spots that hold you back coming from achieving your potential.

Major tip: Your strengths are generally what gives you an edge in fact it is crucial that you use them to your advantage.

Prices

Knowing what your values usually are, is knowing who you are and you stand for. Having solid values, help you establish and also navigate your thoughts so that they are usually in synergy with your passion along with essence. In other words, before you require yourself in anything at all, consider, "is this in connect with my values and exactly I stand for? "

Principles are essentially a set of key points that you live by. They will define the codes this determine your personality, approach, actions, reactions and so on. Consider it this way; perhaps the reason you will be unhappy at work is because your own personal values are not allied with the information you do. Having values, consequently , is standing-up for what you imagine in. It is crucial to align you with what you engage oneself in.

"Love is the manifestation of one's values, the greatest incentive you can earn for the moral features you have achieved in your figure and person, the mental price paid by anyone for the joy he or she will get from the virtues of a different. " - Ayn Rand

Define your values

There are numerous of places in the internet who have great resources on how to create your values for your private brand. These are in a kind of a list of adjectives that talks about your values. Find a collection most suited for you and by a task of elimination, choose the leading 5 words that wedding rings true to you and you. Establish why you chose these words and define whatever they mean to you. Use them to create your personal mission statement in addition to hold yourself accountable if not respecting your values. These kinds of values should be communicated with your CV, website, social media websites and blog posts.

Passion

Have got passion for what you do! That is why biggest secret. It might seem to be difficult to reconcile the idea of enthusiasm and work. However , carry out establish that which you enjoy carrying out. That which gives you joy. On top of that, consider topics that charm you, that keep you motivated and wanting more.

Should you be still confused about what your love might be, think about a time once you could not wait to do anything or read about something. Take into account the time you could not hang on to get out of bed, and about the things which moved you to tears. Remember the projects that produced feel creative and had anyone filled with ideas. When you sense stimulated and motivated to accomplish something, then you are excited about it.

Ask yourself:

What do I enjoy about my current career? If I were to volunteer, which usually charity would you choose? Exactly why? What do you spend most of your time and energy doing?

"There is no appreciation to be found playing small-in negotiating for a life that is lower than the one you are capable of existing. " - Nelson Mandela

Your job related interests must be in more or less in the following areas:

Research Problem solver Analysing Planning Managing Organizing Mentoring Creating Counselling Instruction Writing

Other ways of connection

Listening Negotiating and many more

Features

What words would you make usage of to describe yourself? Also consider the lyrics that others might value to describe you. Deliberate around the following words without constraining yourself; creative, thoughtful, futurist, ambitious, resourceful, risk-taker, peacemaker, ethical, connected, compassionate, super-hero, worldly, diplomatic and so on. Locate attributes that best represents your personality and utilize them to communicate your manufacturer essence.

Positioning

Once you are very clear about your values, attributes and fervour, it's time to now placement yourself. What does that mean specifically? It is simply means that you should look at how others perceive you actually based on your strengths, principles, mission, attributes and passion. Bear in mind, this is about authenticity. Of work, you have to be consistent concerning who you say that you are.

Create a positioning statement. This specific statement you can use during selection interviews as it is more powerful and new than going on about your tedious career past. It catches your essence and individuality.

Target Audience

At this point you should have everything required in order to attract the right viewers. You must first determine the industry in which you want to work, then search for best organisations you wish to work for. Perform an extensive research on these kind of organisations and establish just what problems they are faced with; you could be a match for them according to your unique strengths, values, article topics and attributes.

With your groundwork done, create a personal model strategy using the keywords with job descriptions to attract all their attention. After all, they want to seek the services of good talent and someone who matches their standards. Still remember to never give whatever you have, reserve some of your personal good selling points for any interview.

[rylie-barton]

⌜   CIS FEMALE, SHE / HER   |   the hearse by matt maeson, gryffindor, infp   ⌟    ⏤   meet RYLIE NATALIA BARTON ; a TWENTY TWO year old who kind of resembles WILLA HOLLAND, don’t you think? she originally hailed from NEW YORK CITY where she lived with her parents, CLINT BARTON & NATASHA ROMANOFF (   MARVEL   ), but word is that she’s been making strides to rejoin shield and finish her law degree this past year. she’s always been pretty AUDACIOUS & COMPASSIONATE, but has gotten way more CODEPENDENT & PRIDEFUL since she woke up. maybe her ability of WEAPON PROFICIENCY and power of INNATE COMBAT can help in taking down the dome. you can check out her stat page HERE& her pinterest board HERE.

i was a woman who thought only of dead things                                        ( all the time ). i couldn’t HELP it.

part one of two : the backstory.    (   trigger warnings for talk of death, drug / alcohol abuse.

born on july 21st, 1996, to clint barton & barbara morse. the youngest of three children, lewis and callum were five and nine respectively at the time of her birth. 

her mother and brothers died in a house fire when she was just three months old ; the files concerning the accident are blacked out and encrypted, and the story given to rylie amounts to ‘your mother went missing in action.’ 

understandably, she’s always wanted to know more ; unfortunately, she’s never had the means in which to find anything out.

raised by clint. really loved, but vaguely overprotected. ‘aunt nat’ was in her life from minute one, essentially, a shoulder for clint to lean on and a motherly presence that rylie found she craved. in time, they got married. it never felt anything but natural.

she was raised alongside the rest of the next gen ; troy banner, dan rogers, calder thorson & phoebe stark. they were and remain the closest thing to siblings that rylie has ever had, and as the youngest, she got to annoy them endlessly and still be assured that whatever may have happened down the line, they would always have her back.

as a little girl, rylie’s dreams amounted to little more than being the prima balllerina of her company. if she couldn’t be that, she would have settled for being an award winning pianist. she was a remarkably ordinary little girl, the only thing completely out of the norm about her being the fact that her father had her trained from the time she could walk to use a weapon, and her stepmother had her taught well how to fight. 

her time in school was... tough, to put it mildly. she was homeschooled at certain points, and moved around a lot for others. kids could be cruel, and rylie’s self esteem was never destined to be that good. 

rylie’s lift changing can be pinpointed as the moment that shield enlisted her, along with the rest of the next gen. she was just a LITTLE KID - playing dress up in between recitals, saving the world before she’d ever really even lived in it. they were kids trained for war. how could any of them have ever been well adjusted?

she dropped out of ballet. she stopped attending her piano lessons. the only thing that mattered was working with her team. how stupid she feels, now, to have been so caught up in trying to be an adult that she forgot to have a childhood.

her friends meant EVERYTHING to her. 

she started attending the same school as phoebe because the other girl made a strong case to clint for rylie, so she wouldn’t have to go through another year of torment. she didn’t just LOVE her. she wanted to be her. to compare to the beautiful and intelligent and utterly flawless phoebe stark was something that she always knew would be impossible, but tried to do, anyway.

troy was her BIG BROTHER. he still is. when she was scared of storms, he would stay awake and hold her through the night to help her through. they teased one another mercilessly, but at the end of the day, they always knew just how much they loved one another - it was all in good spirit, and at points, it was what both of them needed. 

daniel, the voice of reason - not just for rylie, but for everyone. she always looked up to him, both as a leader and as a friend. he made good calls. he tried to do right by everyone. it wasn’t easy to do - and looking back, rylie hates how it all rested on his shoulders when he was just a KID - but he did it anyway.

and calder...- she’s always loved him, even when it was difficult. back then, it wasn’t. he was always a stoic, but how much he loved them all was evident. he was her training partner and best friend, always present, even when he didn’t know what to say, or do. 

the five of them were like some kind of mismatched breakfast club, but no one in the world understood what it was like to grow up with heroes for parents as well as they did.

and then PHOEBE died. rylie was sixteen years old. the rest of them weren’t much older. loki attacked avengers tower while their parents were away on a mission, and she tried to protect calder ; it wasn’t anybody’s fault except loki’s that she fell that day, but they all shouldered the guilt regardless. rylie never was the same. 

in the months after, rylie tried to numb the pain, the responsibility. she couldn’t sleep, so she took pills that were meant to help. when they didn’t, she took more. the subsequent overdose was swept under the carpet, the choice to send her to wda alongside the rest of the guys their way of trying to bring some life back to her, after. it was phoebe’s dream they were living, after all. maybe being there with them would help.

believe it or not : it DIDN’T. walt disney academy was living under the threat of the darkness at the time, and rylie was one of many students who fell victim. while on a mission with shield in late 2014, she was shot ; it was a horrible event that weakened rylie more than just in her resolve, and months later, the darkness took hold. under its influence, she hurt people that she didn’t know, and she hurt one’s that she did, too. her freedom was temporary, she and many other students were taken over once more, and troy saved the day by drawing out the good ; but enough had been enough. 

rylie turned to alcohol. the rest was history. she drank to sleep. she drank to get herself through the day. she drank when she was happy, when she was achingly sad, when she was just trying to feel something. she would go on weekend benders that bled into the weeknights when the littlest inconvenience happened, and drunk, she made some truly horrible decisions with some truly terrible people. she kept hurting the people she loved. she kept ruining her relationships. it became a cycle, wash and repeat.

whatever she might have had with emmett wicks, a rock she leant on during the early darkness saga, was gone as quick as it came. rylie got too involved too quick with alexander kaligaris, with disastrous results. we know how unhealthy that particular relationship turned out. 

shield suspended her from active duty in early 2017. she was over the legal limit to drive and still thought she could go on a mission for them, and she could have gotten her whole team killed. she didn’t, but it didn’t matter. they were right to do what they did, but rylie took it personally ; she lashed out. she made bad choices. she had lost the ONLY thing she really had left. her father wanted to pull her from school to try and help, and she point blank refused. it caused a rift between them, for understandable reasons. without her dad, without her family, without many of her friends - rylie just got worse. 

in the summer of ‘17, the school suffered from an earthquake during prom. rylie took a hard fall, and the resulting head trauma damaged her eardrum. it wasn’t her father coming back to support her during the subsequent operation to try and fix it that gave rylie a wake up call. it was her pregnancy, discovered a few weeks later ; rylie always loved, and alex always left. one mistake from the two of them caused a bigger one that spooked her. rylie made the choice to have an abortion. she took control of her own life, for once, instead of allowing it spin even more out of control - and she started attending alcoholics anonymous, almost immediately after. 

part two of two : what u missed on glee.

rylie has been sober for 21 months and counting. it’s as hard for me to believe it as it is for you all, i’m sure ; but she’s been doing BETTER. she’s been back training, brushing up on some old skills that she let get rusty. she’s healthy, too, the sallow look to her skin that everyone got accustomed to long gone. to say it was easy for her, or that she didn’t have moments of doubts, would be... totally incorrect. she’s just been fighting through.

she was one more bad month away from flunking out of her law degree, the last time y’all saw her ; but she’s picked up in the past year, really knuckling down to try and catch up, for one, and do better, for another. she’s still worried that she’s going to have to do an extra year, to finish, but she’s dedicated to doing so if she’s GOTTA. 

her relationship with her father? fixed. clint has always put rylie above all else, and never would have even required the apologies she gave, really. likewise with the relationship she has with natasha. both of them forgive her for her weakness, though it’s unlikely that rylie ever will. we love on ( 1 ) girl with a guilt complex.

the one thing that ISN’T fixed is her hearing, at least not 100%. she has a loss of fifty nine db in her right ear, and that’s probably never going to change. it makes her and her father even more alike, though i’m sure clint would have rathered the similarities not be so much. 

as of right now, she’s prepping for a hearing with the board of directors at shield on whether she should be reinstated as an active agent. she’s passed all of the physicals, and she’s been in therapy for about as long as she’s been sober, working through her issues. she’s still got miles to go, but they’re certainly optimistic. rylie moved past feeling hard done by a long time ago, and now she just... wants to be a part of the agency, again, in a way where she can actually be of help.