#but to be self-motivated to do whatever you want
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alright i started trying to write my s2 thoughts and just this one element already got long as hell and it's maybe my hottest take and most #unpopular opinion based on skimming other reactions so. whatever. i'm quarantining it to its own post god help me.
but
Speaking as someone who loved him the most in s1, to be honest I don't think Viktor's story in s2 was particularly good. I feel like they got into the season, realized they were supposed to vaguely tie into League lore, sort of haphazardly gave him some word salad speeches about evolution and emotion, and called it a day. I thought his cult motivations, the influence (or not) of the hexcore, etc were all pretty underwritten.
But in particular I'm bothered by the speech Jayce gives about Viktor "wanting to cure what [he] thought were weaknesses" and the suggestion that Viktor was doing evil blood magic because he was insecure about his disabilities and felt lesser-than because of them. This is just straight up not true in season 1. He does blood magic in 1.2-1.3 because he is DYING. It's like everyone in the show and the fandom forgot he was terminally ill. Conflating the general feel-good "love your body as it is" messaging around disability with *terminal illness* is just ... What.... in the world...?
In season one we saw *other people* treat him as lesser bc he was disabled, while Viktor's introductory speech is "nobody ever believed in [...] a poor cripple from the undercity, [but] I believed in myself". No one in s2 ever acknowledging that he took risks with the hexcore because he didn't want to die at, like, age 30 OR that by the end of s1 he had done the "morally correct" thing of accepting his mortality only for Jayce (and later Singed lol) to ignore that and plug the hexcore into him against his will... Jayce doesn't even own up to that or apologize for his role in things lmao I mean, #classic Jayce, but what is happening here.
If they wanted Viktor to be the average Spiderman villain messing around with science to cure his disabilities and unleashing eldritch horrors in the process, they could've written that in season 1 very easily. And of course it's great that Jayce loves him as he is -- to be honest season 1 never gave me any reason to think otherwise, but it's nice for Viktor to hear it, sure. But they specifically made him terminally ill only to act like that never happened, or like terminal illness is an "imperfection" you can defeat with body positivity and self-love. It's so tonally weird. I've seen a lot of people who were very moved by Jayce's speech about loving him anyway, and I'm happy people found meaning in it, but I was jaw dropped. Viktor was never "broken", yes, but he was fucking dying, and there is a difference.
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because the thing is Viktor’s whole back-and-forth is all about trying to make the world a better place using what’s best about humanity to further technology, right? Like that seems to be his schtick—the Dr. Frankenstein’s “discovery-must-be-good-because-it’s-spurred-on-by-humanity’s-desire-to-improve-things” tropey characterization, right?
I mean I didn’t get very far into Season 1 but that seemed to be the thing they were doing with him. But it was obviously taking a tragic turn when I left it; like, he’s realizing that to “make the world a better place” through “discovery-and-progress,” you gotta break some eggs to make the omelette. Something something about how he didn’t want to let the giant salamander suffer when he was a kid, but then he’s going to let it suffer when he grows up and sees that it’s suffering could further the greater good (starting with saving his own life) or whatever
you know, the unholy matrimony between human empathy’s motivation to “do good” and steadily-marching progress. Eventually “doing good” becomes the end that justifies any means. And then you’re no longer doing good.
So in that way, “invention” can be a medicine which, if drunk too often, becomes a poison.
Just like human emotions. After all, human emotions initially cause the inventor to want to use his skills to prevent harm and improve lives. Emotions can be fuel. But then those same emotions can rupture and rot over time into obsession, pride, self-centeredness, hate, mercilessness. Emotions can be fire.
So what I’m saying is (assuming they kept plodding along that dichotomy-of—responsibility-for-gifting-&-man’s-not-meant-to-meddle-even-if-it’s-for-the-greater-good trope with Viktor in Season 2,—again, I haven’t seen the whole show) the only character that could’ve made sense for Tyler Joseph to write a song about is Viktor.
because he’s always wrestling with the use-versus-the-dangers of human emotion.
On the one hand, his songs show that if you ignore your emotions and try to cover them up with a functional savior (your car radio during long drives, lyrics that mean nothing, a fictional city of emotionless citizens, etc.) you might as well be a zombie. If you cut off or ignore your emotions, you’re not being real, and you’re not seeing the reality that your emotions are trying to warn you about.
But on the dangerous side, if you use emotions too much, give them too much attention, they’ll overpower you and become dangerous. Negative emotions can become all you feel, and then your emotions replace reality. Anxiety, depression, pride-born-of-lack-of-control—give those emotions too much free rein, and you’re a new kind of zombie.
Emotions can be fuel, emotions can be fire, and Tyler Joseph’s always trying to figure out which to use and which to not.
Kind of like how it seemed like Viktor was the kind of Dr. Victor Frankenstein’s “I owe it to the world to get this exactly right” obsessive character…who would go too far with a medicine and turn it into poison. But he has moments of self-awareness where he tragically realizes that’s what he’s doing. That sort of thing lends itself well to twenty one pilots.
#I’m not saying Viktor is a good character or anything#He wasn’t anything special when I stopped watching season 1; just a borrowed version of Victor Frankenstein merged with Walter White.#not a bad character; just only as good as the back-and-forth shock-jock pointless story he’s in.#the line#arcane the line#the line arcane#arcane vol 2 soundtrack#viktor arcane#viktor league of legends#the line twenty one pilots#tøp#arcane#Netflix#league of legends#Tyler Joseph#twenty one pilots#Viktor arcane#arcane Viktor#Viktor
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I think... this puts to word some of what I felt was kinda of with how handled things. Some anyway. I've been trying to articulate what feels... off. It's rough so bear with me trying to untangle more of it... and I'm so sorry but this is a wall... on your post... tell me if you want me to make my own and just link to this instead.
When it comes to Jayce's little speech there's this line, as an example...
And what got me immediately here is... when have we really been shown that to be true, to "always" be true? I felt like this was an assumption put onto Viktor by the writers. Internalized ableism is a bitch, but I think they're doing a lot here with the implication of "always". Disabled folks all have our own journeys with it, but I don't think moments of falling prey to it- is something that should define his whole historic relationship to his disability. (Also one's allowed to vent about one's experiences with one's disability and the realities of how one's met with in the world, without it being taken as a diminishing of one's own worth.) And as you say, none of that really address the whys of the structural aspects affecting him both physically and mentally. Like (in regards to the internalized ableism) what is it that is constantly trying to make those shards of pain and inadequacy they'd put in him- to expand and consume, despite whatever fight he'd put up against it on either the internal or external front? And then there's also the difference between wanting to manage one's disability and... you know, hoping to cure one's *terminal* illness in fear of death's face.
I won't deny other disabled people feeling any comfort in those words. I do think there's something delicate and meaningful in having someone care for you and remind you of your worth when those shards, unwittingly or not, have spread and festered a wound in your self perception, because people keep saying it should be there and trying to create it if it's not. It's not that it can't be or isn't impactful, but... was that it? The big message? In combination with everything else, it felt more... preachy? And to a certain degree patronizing? The issue is that I felt *talked at* from someone's able-bodied* perspective. *Yes, even if Jayce no longer is non-disabled himself, that current commonality isn't emphasized, and even so- disabilities and disabled experiences aren't 1 = 1 (this applies to me too), never mind the *terminal* aspect, his leg's also an acquired disability.
Okay so what only ever Jayce apparently managed to have Viktor see, was essentially: "only you can show me that perfection perceived is not something worth seeking- an empty reward. There's beauty in imperfections", or something right? And his mode of attack was... that. Idk I am left unimpressed. I understand the point of putting value on perceived "imperfections", and that Viktor (could... actually... I had a whole section on internalized ableism I removed lol. But.)... that his disabilities could be and was perceived as "imperfections" within his new framework (btw, I saw him using the hexcore on his bad leg as a means to test out his chances for curing his terminal illness- 🤔 not really as a "I kinda just really wanted to cure my leg idk", and it would make for the most obvious results if it worked without messing with the vital organs of his torso, though he was only allowed to keep it for so long by that hexcore). But also, the philosophy he presents was more about than just his own disability or actual terminal illness (!!), it's about a flawed perspective on the general human condition, put to the extreme after Viktor became increasingly isolated (despite being surrounded by people mind and body, "we are one") and grew further detached, partly to the nature of his new existence* (*thoughts to be had here though, and also, whatever happened to the build up and clarification of to whatever degree the hexcore itself influenced him?).
Motive: on his desire to help others, emotionality.
A core part of Viktor's character is his desire to help and aid people, particularly those of the Undercity, and with Jayce it becomes about helping people through the science of hextech (a renewable and non-exhaustive energy source, I think there's a Point there) (tho I've gotta say... their presented products in S1Act2... can't say it's impossible for geniuses to be kinda dumb, it wasn't what I expected anyhow lmao). Act 3 Viktor, post-"imperfections of emotions and individual agency leads to pain and strife, as the other inextricably bound side of the coin = humanity's self-corrupting contradiction" conclusion, basically ended up out there trying to calculate himself to solving human suffering on an evolutionary level (truly Singed's apprentice that way), which was just eugenics in the end.
Even if that point of validation, of acceptance, is nice, especially when previously thought something forsaken to you... and despite what some would previously read/portray him within fandom- he DOES care about the interpersonal, like there's a reason he clings onto that goddamn tattered blanket 😭 And he continues to make a point of wanting Jayce by his side again in both act 2 and 3. But I still feel like it misses the "point" when the majority of the focus ends up on "you're doing this because of internalized ableism but I'm telling you that you matter actually, to me". I feel like it simplifies a lot to draw such conclusions of the matter, and make that the most effective point of "attack". I mean- seeing himself and what he was about to make the world into- kinda did after the mask broke a bit. But- other than Viktor's lines of "why do you persist? After everything I've done?", the "you were never broken" ends up defining this important built up scene. And I dislike this focus that completely overrides the structural issues involved, and basically works as a good-feel band-aid. I dislike the way Viktor's character motivation feels reduced to that point, with that "always" in particular, as well as the "only you" when that was the conviction made. Combating ableism 101.
Like I get he's attacking the personal projections that could drive the conviction, but he sorta kinda didn't hit all the marks there. Uh- not to say that I don't know he's just being sincere here as well, in expressing his care and love for Viktor. But I feel like it works as a deflection that shouldn't have been entirely effective on its own (yes the future-vision, but it's not emphasized in a way I'd like), story-wise anyway. I thought maybe they'd emphasize more on the emotional part, of his overall self-perception and of Viktor hurting (and not just in the "internalized ableism" way) despite however unaffected he might or might not seem (def not all gone). I can see Viktor in his state of upset and alienation of his body (and mind?)... see that hurt (grown from affection) as something, on a personal level, that holds or has held him back from actually follow up on those dreams of helping people (which become *that* in result). And with the access to the power that he has... conveniently think to attempt ridding himself of it, distancing himself, rather than process it. There's a certain... distancing happening just from that nature of having access to the experiences of so many people too, through that hivemind even if it's the most intimate thing as well and would stir a lot of emotion within him. And then there's him getting offed by Jayce in act 2 where he has his whole "two sides of the same coin" moment, and in the end, seeing "the glorious revolution" as a final calculated solution to strife (and- perhaps his own internal strife). There's something too to that "the line" sequence after being rejected in episode 8. But yea, there is a point here that could have been made in terms of valuing "imperfections" of the human condition, but it's... not really being made? "They're part of everything that makes you you, and everything that I admired about you" (paraphrasing), sure, but what about some emphasis on other things idk. He's more than that and all that, but I feel like they ironically made everything about his disabilities instead, and I'm dreading the state of readings and depictions🧍
(Btw on that note of "part of what makes you you", I did like that even the herald still had his braces and ect. fused to his body, and even glowing up in the astral plane. I liked that the ones that were "cured", was not left unmarked by the change. Of note- a lot of those people seemed to have had similar conditions to Viktor, in the sense that they affected the limbs. Pretty sure that one kid who led Jayce was the kid in a wheelchair beside Ekko in ep 7 when watching Heimerdinger's performance)
Also, I would... have liked... more of him taking a side with the Undercity though... and agency, non-agency, death, transformation…go rage some my guy 🔥
Motive: on Piltover / Zaun, the structural.
So on another point... a very important aspect here for Viktor IS that initial dream of theirs WITH the sociopolitical circumstances. Before all of the cult stuff, the main tension between Jayce and Viktor is the matter of the Undercity and how they're dealing with the hextech (I've kinda wanted to make a post about it). And similarly with catvi and the story otherwise, that element does not get as acknowledged, and it suffers for it. Their dynamic and history is not removed from its sociopolitical context. And there... is something to that shard of insecurity impacting him more than he'd thought. But what it comes back to- is the structural injustices he has been faced with both as disabled and a Zaunite/someone of the Undercity. Like his terminal illness was literally fucking because of the damn injustices Piltover inflicted upon them, majorly didn't care to fix and would punish people for protesting. And as I said, their common initial dream, was essentially about helping people through the science of hextech, like- people of the Undercity. Something which they failed to follow up on, and then Viktor was dying, accidentally involved Sky in his own risky business that resulted in her death and him getting suicidal, then- died from Jinx's attack- frankensteined in violation of his agency (!!!)- and then Viktor leaves Jayce *after seeing the hextech weapons plans* (double betrayal). And there really is something to Sky's significance here... But yea, Viktor leaves with a totem to those hopeful dreams, in order to try to help or aid people of the Undercity with the new abilities he had. Like he's not wrong for wanting to do that, I get why he'd just up and leave. His philosophy about things resulting into the idea of a "glorious evolution" to solve human strife and the details of those transformation do essentially just become eugenics in the end though (btw, whatever was their choices with "all those willing" to forceful turning...?).
I think there are ways they could have explored further nuances around all of this, but like with the other things, the journey was cut short and simplified. In a sense I'm glad he had more agency than people were speculating, but at the same time... And I think there is a Choice done in making Viktor's "glorious evolution" the bigger bad (together with Ambessa and whatever she was doing all of that for), AND that it served as a way to override majorly every other conflict by presenting a bigger bad for Zaun and Piltover to "unite against a common enemy" for. If they'd emphasized more on him being a reaction to those injustices, with a hexcore boost, to Piltover's structural injustices against the Undercity (which includes that social model of disability), then maybe it could work more. AND with it having a presence in the Viktor-Jayce confrontation/resolution. But it's more "both sides"-ing the issue, with its favour in Piltover's hands despite it all. And like- "I dreamt about giving magic to the people-" yes, but what was the reason why? I'll give him points for the "now" in "now I only want my partner back" anyhow. Idk, I don't see the disregard of the implicit "wanting to help people" part as a win. Though it's presented through the emphasis of "magic" which has been demonstrated as... sinister to a degree, but also... not? Potentially. But the magic was never THE issue.
Even on just the interpersonal level between the too (which it's not restricted to at all)- I, again, dislike this focus that completely overrides the structural issues, and works as a good-feel band-aid. It needs to extend further, and sure it does in a sense on the individual basis with his choice to stay with Viktor even when he gave him an out. But as an important message moment? It doesn't demonstrate enough to extend outside of it, because we don't see it applied in different contexts, like properly addressing his whys. And with Viktor's one line of "why do you persist? after everything I've done" "because I promised you"... it's not that what Viktor did and was about to do wasn't Fucked Up (and he was having a lot of guilt about accidentally having Sky killed, I can see him getting fixated on trying to "make up for" it somewhat after being brought back to life in his alienated body, and in a sense uh... overcompensating), but idk.. I wish there was something that extended Jayce's way too? That addressed those points of tension in their history? I am not a Jayce-hater, but I don't think he's an uncritical "hero" here. Viktor ends up having little voice at this level despite his speeches (we barely hear him talk after the mask fractured some). And the matter of his forceful transformation, is not really brought up other than potentially with "this chain of events, started with you" in that one council room confrontation. "I never asked for this!"- neither did he <3<3<3. Anyway.
THERE IS SO MUCH TO SAY. But I gotta round it up eventually, so I've cutting off all my other things that found its place on this reblog while I've had it in the drafts.
Agency, disability, biomechanics and transhumanism is a TOPIC though. A topic with many fine lines.
Thank you so much for incredible disability representation!! Huh? Uh, yeah, I guess it's okay that there's no acknowledgement of the social model of disability... Oh, our character's feelings about his body and the treatment he faced aren't really discussed in detail? I guess that's alright. 'You were never broken... there's beauty in imperfection... they made you who you are'? That could be appropriate given context, yeah! Oh, no? Not addressing his pain or the discrimination against him or the fact his disabling factors were preventable?
No acknowledgement of how the world should be made better and safer for people who actually have disabilities? Only a message of 'disabilities don't make you inherently broken' that feels aimed at abled folks? ...Okay.
Anyway... thank you for the incredible disability representation.
#oh there's... SO MANY LAYERS TO THIS WHOLE THING. SO MUCH THAT COULD BE SAID.#arcane#viktor arcane#arcane spoilers#disability#my rambles#long post#disabled
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We already got the Minecraft movie, it's called "Let's Actually Play Minecraft Again" by RT "Drift King" Game.
#occasional thoughts#minecraft#minecraft movie#rtgame#rtgame daniel#no but like in all seriousness#i think rt's playthrough truly captures the essence of minecraft#of setting goals because you want to#to do whatever you want in your world at your pace.#to take things slow. that you dont require efficiency if you dont want it#he does what he wants. he discovers things naturally. theres a wonder in that world#of learning how to live in the world instead of taking the world under your control#to slow down and to love. to experience. minecraft is not made just to find the best of the most efficient#but to be self-motivated to do whatever you want#rtgamecrowd#it got me so inspired i wrote a fucking prose poem for this playthrough#he took the time to love the world. to learn about it. and in turn. it loves him too
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#forcemasc#transmasc rambling#ftm motivation#transmasc positivity#masculine positivity#rocky horror picture show#you can do whatever you want forever#self indulgent
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"shipping saiki is aphobic because he's aroace!"
stares at you with my demiromantic asexual in a committed relationship eyes then looks at the camera like im in the office
#good thing those folks have yet to find their way into my inbox or id be at risk of embarrassing myself lol#if you wanna see more of the content you prefer...make it yourself :3 MAKE IT YOUR FUCKING SELF lol#youre so attached to the idea youll complain about it but you refuse to do anything about it even create works that you and others will sur#ly enjoy how does this even make sense#sorry for reviving this from the dead when it blessfully hasnt been a thing in the tag for a hot moment but im still irritated hahahah#seriously you know what that screams to me? virtue signalling. you wont do anything except say a few words every now and again like#the motivation starts and ends at appealing to the popular opinion. earn your brownie points. and do nothing.#what is your care made of? thoughts and prayers?#every time ive asked one of these people why they dont make the content themselves the response has been 'i shouldnt have to lol'#you shouldnt have to bully people either with your aphobic BS but look at you! aw~#yall dont wanna commit to shit you just want to tell other people how they should exist.#if you cant create for whatever reason you better be ready and willing to drop your rec list and fave artists. and i sure as shit hope your#complimenting them thoroughly.
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Thinking about this post I made again because the more I think about it, the more I am glad that Infinite was not in Shadow Generations and the more anxious I am when he finally does.
Because I have like, conjured this idea in my head of how I want Infinite to return-- something that retains what was established in Forces (including his "unlikable" aspects) while progressing his character in a way that is one 1) meaningful, 2) not a complete joke, and 3) gives incentive to use him again and not shelf him forever after one more appearance. But the more I'm convinced of my vision, the more I think "there's no way this is happening" because very often, attempts to "fix" the character comes with an inherent lack of respect to a character's current traits-- erasing instead of working with what they have. Think of past (and I guess current) sentiments of "fixing" Amy and all the discourse that was spawned from it. I feel like I have tunneled myself into future disappointment as an Infinite fan and the fandom would be less resistant to it than Amy because I feel like people are more likely to accept whatever as long it isn't carbon copy of Forces.
Which is a shame because the main flaw of Infinite in Forces, imo, isn't that he's a "fraud", but that his backstory is empty. If your definition of "fixing" Infinite is to establish an understandable reason for his breakdown and flesh out his relationship with his squad without changing any of the story beats, you did not write an AU where "Infinite but what if he's a good character". What you wrote is a legitimate interpretation of Infinite because Forces said nothing about why he had that reaction Shadow or really anything about his squad. Sonic Team could legitimately take that and not have to call it a retcon because of how little it contradicts anything since, again, the issue was that it's "empty" not "rotten". To begin with, assuming that "Infinite's motive is nothing more than a tantrum" is just as much of a presumption as someone's fic coming up the most tragic sob story for Infinite to justify the events of Forces; it just that the former is the simplest explanation to fill the holes that Forces' less than stellar writing left behind and thus, the impression he leaves on the public.
If what I described is enough to "fix" Infinite in your eyes, then you may not hate Infinite as a character as much as you may think you do. It's not like it contradicts hating Forces' writing.
And I know that's not everyone-- there are plenty of people who rather have literally anyone else as the villain, someone who isn't a "fraud" or someone who is more "badass/cool" or even someone that embraces "lameness" as a primary trait aka a joke character. The most common sentiment I find on Infinite is "he is a character with a lot of potential, so I would like to see him back with better execution", but what do you mean by "potential"? What does this "better execution" look like? It seems like an opinion that the Sonic fandom can unite under on the surface, but I think that the moment Infinite were to hypothetically return, the division between who is satisfied and who isn't will surface.
Or maybe it won't. Maybe Infinite isn't important enough worry about how much of his original self is preserved or what a natural progression with him looks like as long as its paired with writing that's more palatable to the audience. If people were to go online and fight for something more in-line with his characterization in Forces, would anyone care? Wouldn't be more likely that such sentiments are deemed stupid?
I am glad that Infinite didn't show up in Shadow Generations because he doesn't belong there. Mephiles, Black Doom, even Metal Madness-- you can argue that they represent something to Shadow, but not Infinite. It's /Shadow/ who represents something to Infinite the same way Sonic represents something to the Avatar but not the other way around. It's possible to progress Infinite in a way that changes that, but that's not happening in a story that centers Shadow and his past because Infinite has nothing to do with that. All people expected from a possible Infinite appearance is the "I don't remember you" treatment (which again, already happened in Forces) that Mephiles ended up getting-- he doesn't represent anything that Mephiles, a character who is meant to reflect Shadow down to his appearance, doesn't already.
But Infinite could always appear when SEGA feels like it-- frankly, it was harder to bring back Mephiles given that he was wiped from the timeline but look at him here now. If he comes back and his character is taken in a direction that I don't like, is that me being close-minded? His backstory is empty so his "potential" is "infinite", but is anyone, including myself, willing to accept what's outside of what we consider ideal? I'd like to imagine that my ideas for him would be something that would make us all happy, but is that even possible, much less true? Maybe those are useless questions. We can only evaluate things that exists.
Infinite isn't a character that belong to me nor do I have any semblance of authority over him but falling in love left me feeling possessive. I feel arrogant and hypocritical-- thinking that canonical material that wouldn't meet my standards is better off not existing while trying to appreciate controversial material that many would not miss. I keep doing it because if not me, who else is going to think the way I do-- hating the exact things I hate and liking the exact things I like? A lot of Sonic fans do this, I think, so at least I'm not special. It makes you feel based as hell.
late night infinite thoughts/hc/analysis
despite being clowned on for his Ls and "i'm not weak" scene, i don't think infinite particularly childish? or more specifically not in the specific brand of "pathetic sore loser" that's been memed on. like he doesn't feel like the type of character who would throw a tantrum/be visibly upset if he can help it (particularly in front of shadow since that's the guy he's pitted against).
it's not that i don't understand why he left that impression-- the way shadow dlc told his background would ofc lead ppl to feel that it was an overreaction for being kicked a couple of times, but the thing is, we saw how he reacted when he met shadow again and what he said after being told that the hedgehog didn't remember him.
(using screencaps of the jp script, but i'm p sure en is the same jist)
sure, infinite is gassing himself up in this scene because of his shiny new rock, but when i saw this scene, my immediate thought was "so you think you aren't someone worth remembering"? (which can also be extended to his squad mates who were also defeated and thus "weak", regardless if you think they are dead or not) he's not particularly angry in this scene-- if anything, he admits that shadow's words of him being a loser (and thus weak) is /fact/.
hence why i think that infinite hates himself more than he could ever hate shadow. he can hide it by saying "well that's just the old me, i've changed. look at my virtual reality of green hill" but that mask isn't just for show. past or present, he is still himself even if he pretends otherwise. he is insecure, that's true. it's also true that his ego is fragile and that it hangs on his ability to suppress others.
however, his ego isn't unshakable at the face of failure or incapable of self-reflection, even if he wishes it was. the denial phase doesn't last forever.
to put it in another way, he's not the type of sore loser who will go "the other guy must've cheated" or "it's not fair" and deny the other person of their achievement. he's the type of sore loser who becomes frustrated with himself, trains himself to exhaustion, maybe cheat himself if tempted (you'll have to convince him that it would be a meaningful victory if he does though, (re. his logic on relying on magic rock ok, but relying on friends is bad and fake, apparently)), and fall into despair if his efforts don't pay off. that's really what his "i'm not weak" breakdown really is to me-- falling into despair and eventually accepting that he is powerless.
with high ego, he may dismiss losses as a fluke, but that requires plausible deniability to be present to fall back on. my point is that his arrogance doesn't come across as stable, it's just that conquering 99% of the world would convince anyone that they are hot shit.
also, he's not bad at /hiding/ his insecurity. insecurity isn't an aspect that was just added to him in the dlc and thus "ruining" him-- he just hides it well when he started wearing the mask. he only showed a mote of desperation by the end of his final boss fight. before that, we had sonic and the avatar breaking out from null space in record time and while eggman was in shock, infinite just stared silently-- he retained a "mysterious" aura for most of the game despite multiple setbacks. his ability to hide his emotions without his mask is up to you, but at the very least, he would at least /try/ to cover up anything he deems "unsightly".
what i'm trying to say is, i think he'd be upset being called weak, but i don't think that specific "overreaction" he had in shadow dlc is just something that happens every time he's insulted, esp when his ego is in a more stable state.
why he's so fixated about strength and weakness is pure hc territory bc forces writing sure as hell didn't explain it, but i think it's safe to say that he wasn't stable before his encounter with shadow and no matter how many ppl think that his motives are "stupid", this was something that meant a great deal to infinite. why it took until shadow for the camel's back to be snapped, idk maybe something happened to him earlier or maybe not, but regardless, infinite appears to be someone who is very desperate to be proud of himself and he measures how much he is worthy of pride through "strength". those who are strong don't think of those weaker than them, to him. (re. him saying that it's fine that shadow didn't remember his past self, and following up with "you're nothing to me now" bc he believes that he is now stronger than him. also note his quirk in jp where he calls ppl "gomi" (in katakana)/trash, idk jp well i just think it's neat)
this "fraud" quality of infinite's is something i find appealing as his fan, and not in the "i think it's brilliant to have a joke character that parodies edgelords" kind of way (infinite isn't purposefully meant to be joke and i don't think he has to be in order to be "good" with his current backstory). to segway into a different conversation, i don't care of the take that "infinite should've been an artificial lifeform like shadow created by eggman" bc to be frank (and i apologize if this is too spicy of a take), i don't see the benefit to that other than to give infinite more "aura points" by erasing his backstory as a "fraud". (bc a villain that doesn't meet the "aura" threshold is bad, i guess.)
bc here's the thing, right-- there are a lot of things you can compare and contrast between shadow and infinite and create a meaningful analysis out of it, but remember that infinite is the main villain of sonic forces and that sonic forces... is not about shadow.
sonic forces, if anything, is the avatar's story. the avatar is infinite's primary foil.
shadow defeating infinite parallels infinite defeating the avatar (at the start of the game). infinite gains help from eggman and the phantom ruby while the avatar finds the Power of Friendship, Love, and Courage (tm) through sonic. infinite finding solace in "fake" power while the avatar finds "true" strength. infinite believing that he is the one who sees the reality as it is (re. his theme song lyrics), when it was the avatar who sees through his illusions.
and i really like that. idk if these are the right words, but i feel like they stand out because of how "human-like" and "relatable" compared to everyone else (esp the avatar bc they are literally an OC). with the exception of tails (who is instead offset by being a kid genius), the sonic cast is filled with characters that have stronger than average willpower, leaving the "outsiders", infinite and avatar, to play catch up in their quest to find strength. they are not unshakably confident like sonic or endlessly persistent like eggman-- they are, at their core, embody the insecurity and lack of confidence that the ordinary person is more likely to succumb to. infinite is like a bandit boss in a jrpg: has a reputation of being feared, has followers/lackeys, villain vibes, but at the end of the day, they are just the first boss the protagonist wipes at the tutorial. the avatar would be a background character in literally any story except forces. they both "extras" trying to take the spotlight that was meant for the leads.
that is why i genuinely think that his current backstory has more value narrative-wise than that hypothetical one and it's not just preference. i don't care if forces has bad writing-- infinite and the avatar starting off as "ordinary people" as a parallel is neat and i will die on that hill. (and imo this attribute makes infinite a unique villain in the sonic verse. like he's not explicitly sympathetic like merlina was or even overtly tragic like gerald, but he manages to have that pitiable, human-like quality, you know?)
but yeah this is really about him not showing up in sonadow gens. like don't get me wrong, i would've been very happy if had shown up and i did lowkey expect it when i saw sunset heights in the trailer, but i'm not mad that he didn't ngl. for the reasons listed above, i don't see infinite as a "shadow villain" like mephiles and black doom are.
#rant post#adding this tag bc i feel this is more rant-y than the og post#infinite the jackal#sonic forces#if it wasn't obvious I have strong feelings about this jackal ommmm#he's still my wet dog woof woof chew toy lolololol
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attempt to idly discuss concept of custom wedding vows with 🌸 ground to a halt after the realization that neither of us actually, like, wants to try to figure out what the fuck we'd be promising
can you do custom vows, but instead of vows to do stuff, it's just a list of the superbly good qualities of the other person in order to make it clear why any rational actor would agree that you should obviously plan to keep hanging out with them as long as possible
#getting married is not really a thing id be doing in order to concretize any promise that isn't 'we really really want to keep doing this#and want to experience various economic benefits of that desire and also invite my family to celebrate about how great 🌸 is'#it's not that i don't consider us to have commitments to each other it's just like. the vows would be essentially 'i promise to try to have#continuity of personality with my current self to the extent that that bears on the qualities that make our relationship work well'#i don't know why it bothers me so much. but the idea of idk. promising to always listen to 🌸 or whatever feels genuinely horrible#it's sort of. parodic? either i'm doing it and/or have given good reason to believe i would be receptive to and capable of working toward i#or not. and either way. why are our families watching us reiterate that information.#on the other hand i would REALLY like to get up and give a speech about 🌸's innumerable deeply admirable qualities which strongly#motivate me to continue living with and knowing and supporting them.#so if i do that instead. do you think anyone will like. notice.#box opener#i guess it's good to realize that i have a STRONG IDEOLOGICAL OPPOSITION TO WEDDING VOWS before we're publicly engaged#but also. we are really rejecting a lot of the wedding concept. it's possible this is going to end up being two speeches and a dance party.#a rabbi can stand nearby. for ambiance.
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Wanting more homoeroticism in the tension between the show’s leads as the narrative introduces greater intimacy and higher stakes between them, especially in a landscape that lacks queer representation who isn’t a villain or dies within one or two episodes, but also recognizing that core values/motivation for these characters lie in their relationships with one of two major female characters in an on screen sausage fest where the only other woman is a morally reprehensible femme fatale and erasing and/or vilifying female leads in favor of conventionally attractive males is a common practice observed in fandoms that’s rooted in misogyny and justified under the guise of rejecting heteronormativity, thinly veiled double standards, or claiming the woman is simply not interesting enough and not wanting to bolster that mindset
#the worst of evil#you know who’s not interesting enough? haeryeon!! bibi’s acting the hell out of her and slaying while doing it#but idk anything besides she’s willing to subvert her dad for dick and values money over everything else#and also she’s hot which is great for me!! but also the male gaze#and I also get it - we don’t know much about euijeong in her limited screen time besides her relationships to junmo/kicheol#but she is given so many traits that are silently conveyed like compassion and bravery and sacrifice#she brought a fucking gun to her date with kicheol like the conflicts and motivations here are SO JUICY#her exasperation guilt and despair with the investigation; esp after listening to the voicemails#what’s the self respecting thing to do; do I still love my husband if he loses himself; can I continue a game I never wanted to play#at the cost of my life or my family’s life?#even though a lot of her choices are for her marriage she’s using whatever agency she has in her own terms#kicheol works to be an honest man and make a difference partly bc of her#not trying to place the burden of fixing men on her but ignoring her impact in the boys’ lives is wild#ship whoever you want hate whoever you want but don’t deride a woman just cuz ‘she’s in the way’ ya know#all this being said; kicheol bringing junmo home after he RAMPAGED seemingly on his behalf - literally who else is doing it like them#the yearning all around - I get it now; we need gangster mob!throuple to get any shit done around here (and for all 3 to stay alive 🫣🙏)#but the reality next week is gonna be so so bitter
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I have personal beef with most of the tiktok mlp infection aus because of how they mischaracterize or immediately kill off Twilight as if she doesn't literally give off the most potent Final Girl vibes 💀 like she's smart, strong, and knows how to function both alone & w/ a group. Her ass would NOT be dying immediately. Then if they don't make her the first to die they usually make her the evil-scientist villain or something.
Really missing the whole point of why survival horrors are scary, the main conflict should revolve around the struggle of surviving in a wasteland and the strained relationships that come along with that. What good does having a "main antagonist" do? They defeat them and then what? There's still zombies outside
#my little hater rant now that the trend has passed its peak and most people who wanted to throw their hat in the ring have#i really like some of them don't get me wrong#but i feel like a lot of them put their all into the designs and then don't have the same inspiration to write an impactful apocalypse STORY#and as a big twdg fan growing up i'm a big fan of survival horrors#the main conflict of any apocalypse story should always be man vs. nature bc zombies/walkers/whatever are all usually mindless#they don't have a motivation. it's the protag who has the motivation to survive#ofc you can have man vs. man or more importantly man vs. self sideplots but there's usually no “big bad” of any apocalypse story#there's no villain to defeat where once you do everything goes back to normal. unless you want to take a cop out route#and say that person was just hiding the cure all along#but not having a villain is a lot different from ANY mlp arc where there's always a main antagonist to defeat at the end of each season#like tirek or discord or chrysalis#which I think is why so many people making these aus struggle with this concept so much and why a lot of them feel directionless#because a lot of apocalypse stories end with the main character dying or leaving it open ended for a REASON#as both a mlp and survival horror fan I love both of these medias and this rant comes from a place of love btw#this is just me rambling about my interests#basilspeakss
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I will draw the things that make me happy I will draw the things that bring me joy even if it's the same fictional character over and over again, even if it might be considered "cringe" by others or myself, even if I don't think it'll help me improve my skills, even if no one else will see it, even if everyone else will see it, I will draw what makes me happy I will draw what makes me happy I will draw what makes me happy
#hi this is about me feeling kinda embarrased and self concious about only having the urge to draw xie lian and tgcf and mdzs for the past yr#all my art mutuals and irl art friends branch out they have ocs or a variety of fandoms or they do painting studies and bg practices#and animation and different mediums and fully compositional pieces and i just havent had the motivation to draw anything but the same#handful of characters from the same fandom/media against blank white backgrounds or make silly tiktoks of them#with no creative inspiration or pursuit or experimentation ive just been drawing the same thing over and over again for the past year and i#get embarrased when irl ppl find my socials and see its the same thing over and over again#but im trying to tell myself its ok who cares draw whatever the hell you want#i love mxtx's works so much her stories and characters bring me so much joy ive loved being in the fandom and making fanart i just need to#remember that i do it for me i draw to make me happy i draw bc it makes me happy so if i dont feel like drawing anything but xie lian over#and over again fuck it ill draw xie lian over and over again ill do it ill keep drawing#reminder#bib thoughts#creative reminder
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Justice for jolyne wdym emporio defeated pucci
#can i say maybe i dont like where this is going bc i dont like the priest. like why not have dio do all this. i have to endure his boring#self while not having any motivation bc i still dont know why he wants to do all this bc that backstory doesnt justify anything#while dio is in the background and he has a motive to hate the joestars and create a world without them. idk#this is like light and near but unjustified#i would have prefered the priest resurrecting dio in some strange way than him doing all this i think#and i still dont like his powers ☝🏻 they dont make sense to me and the evolution doesnt either. how can you just flip stands.#also his rant about how he killed all his enemies... josuke and giorno are out there now lmao#retracting my statement they changed the opening but just this last episode#i do like the destiny stuff like the same thing happens in a new world bc of necessity and the whole plot has been about things happening#because it needs to happen but why does this reset need to happen??? why does pucci want it?? so everyone can be happy?? why??#literally nothing that happened to him has been the joestars fault. dio brainwashed him? ok SHOW IT#like the plot is okay but the priest doing all this makes no sense it could be anyone at this point#okay i get it now destiny is like gravity.... but his stands changing makes no sense still. the disc thing got out bc of the plant baby. ok#but the gravity just changed to something else entirely??? to time??#he kept repeating time and space but a space stand would be the hand. gravity is something else entirely#its not like velocity>acceleration or star platinum and the world velocity>time. that makes sense#gravity and time is like my stand makes anything into ice cream and then it makes things disappear#rant at this point but yeah#okay control. the priest wants to know exactly what is going to happen at all times to be prepared and evolve?? and why would dio want this?#weather report...... i mean it was meant to be#yeaaahhh emporio roast him#irene and anakiss ajdhaisjaisjakakakak#i might be crying but this doesnt change my pucci criticisms#the ending song..... incredible choice#i think i liked golden wind too much and i cant control myself and not compare#but pucci doesnt make sense to me here apart from being a priest and wanting to fulfill 'god's' purpose or whatever that means#so now there is a new world but with joestars but they dont have stands?? or just pucci doesn't exist (or dio)#so just the prison gang doesnt get them. but ermes didnt go to prison either. idk#talking tag#watching jojo
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I'm probably far from the first person to say this, but you can't tell me that this song doesn't just scream Aventurine, c'mon.
#like. i don't even need to explain it do i. the lyrics are Right There they speak for themselves#aventurine#hsr aventurine#honkai star rail#hsr#Seven.txt#music stuff#panic! at the disco#p!atd#another song + character commentary post wow mayhaps i'll start making more of these but i fear people and their Opinions#but whatever. if i don't distract myself with a silly little tumblr post im gonna have a meltdown so. here. character commentary be upon ye#anyways listening to this and thinking of Aven gives me chills every single time i can't help it#as usual if u disagree feel free to keep that shit to yourself this is just my opinion let me have it in peace#Spotify#'oh but it's too Positive! he's actually miserable inside! he wouldn't embody this song that's just the mask he puts up!!!'#yeah ur right. and who said i wasn't talking about the mask#i'm not saying that this song embodies his truest self necessarily. but i think it does suit Some aspect of him#maybe the side that's trying to keep going. the side that picks him up off the floor and pushes himself out into the world day after day#forcing himself to find whatever scraps of hope he can hold onto. the song doesn't say '*Had* to have high hopes' for no reason#i dunno i'm just spitballin here. there's plenty of ways you can see Aven in this song. if u Want to#if you've never peeled urself off the bathroom floor and washed tears off your face while playing the most upbeat song you can find-#-to try and summon the motivation to keep going in spite of how u just spent 20mins wishing for it all to be over. well#well then u just can't understand my vision here
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the results of that "is fanfic a book" poll have shown me one thing and its that this site never graduated past that absolutely insufferable phase in 2013 where everyone acted like every book is the single most sacred thing on earth
#sorry rant incoming. you know like the people who got way too offended over dog earing or carving books for art or things like that?#that's what the notes section of that poll feel like. just way too many people (on both sides) putting way too much importance on Books.#like first you have the 'um ive read fanfic that was deep and beautiful and thematic so yes all fanfic is books' votes#which like. ok. ive also read really deep thematic screenplays but that doesnt make it a book its simply not. what a book is#then you have the honestly even worse 'um your reylo au isn't like the works of the masters its not REAL BOOKS' crowd#which like. yeah most actual published books are not as good as the 'works of the masters' whatever that means. so you have proven nothing#which brings us back to the absolute worst of all 'colleen hoover & co aren't books either' SOMEHOW#like. ok well i think her work is pretty bad but it was literally edited and published into literal books so#if you're going to decide that you get to be the arbiter of what books are Good Enough to count as Real Books well you've lost already.#because no that's not how any of this works. youre fighting one of the most famous Losing Battles in all of art discourse.#a book is just. a format that writing can be in its not some holy status you have to work to acheive#and to try and turn it into that is really stupid and self important i think because like again#who gets to decide what books are Real? what motivates them to make that choice? what biases are benefited from that?#i think its worth noting in conversations like this everyone wants to deny female romance authors the title of Real Book#(which yes a lot of those books are very shallow or badly written. many have outright offensive tropes)#but nobody mentions the equally shallow and offensive stuff by/for men. like william johnstone's shitty cowboy books for example.#no matter how you try to frame it youre going to lose the second you decide something has to fit your standards to be real art.#avpost#its very reminiscent for me of the conversation around modern art where people just want to say they know what is and isn't real art#based on like whatever standards they want. 'ugh its just dots it's not real art'. do u see where im coming from.#a book is just. a piece of writing that was edited and published in the form of a physical book. that's it. its a v literal if vague noun.#it can be something with a lot of depth and meaning. it can be shallow and hacky. it can be nonfiction entirely. its not a value statement#which can also be said about art as a whole some of it is very shallow and bad. some of it is extremely skilled and profound#anyway. no fanfic isn't inherently books but some fanfics have undergone editing & publishing and became books i think#and that doesnt mean that they're 'as good as' the classics by really skilled writers. but theyre still books#tbh a lot of the published fanfic books are worse than most nonbook fanfic. them being books isnt a statement of being more valuable.#its just a literal fact.#i think its interesting to discuss but i swear its not a huge deal whether fanfic is books the bigger deal to me is#the weird attitude popping up on both sides. which i think most people would also find stupid if their brains hadnt been like#totally ruined by an uninterrupted 5 years of insufferable-on-all-sides fanfic discourse that has ruled this website.
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Maybe my writing is totally shit. Maybe it's boring and repetitive. Maybe nobody cares.
But do I care about these characters? Do I care enough to write about them? To tell their story?
Yes. I do.
So I'll continue to write.
Because if I don't tell their story, then who will?
#Personal#Please ignore this feeling a little under the weather lmao#Writing#Spilled ink#motivation#Fanfic#writing motivation#spilled words#self help#Recently I pondered the question 'who do I write for? Who do I make my arts for?'#And till now I thought I created for myself and the people who love [insert thing] too#But then I thought about it some more#And realised I write for my characters. Because I want to tell their story. Because I want people to see them how I see them#I draw things for the characters too#I want to show them to the world exactly how I envision them in my mind#Because at the end of the day making anything creative is ultimately doing it for someone or something you love#In my case its the characters#Asjhaskfs this got way too rambly and probably doesn't make a lot of sense#But whatever! I'll just keep going! <3
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the last part of arlecchino's character short is giving bsd atsushi's orphanage director but i dont know how to feel about that
#basically this orphanage director was needlessly cruel to him supposedly to make at.sushi hate him so much that he'd be motivated#to live on because of spite and anger (iirc at least). all it really did was give him crippling self worth issues but like#when he finds out about the death of the director and the truth of what happened all those years he becomes kinda mired in conflicting feel#feelings etc. which makes the whole thing interesting but i dont know whether that kind of story would be good for arle#idk how much genuine caring i want her to display. bc that orphanage director really thought he was doing the best course of action lol#also on the other hand. this director's story is there because u're supposed to care about at.sushi,whom it affected,and not the director h#himself. so idk whether a similar gimmick would be good for arle. well anyways we'll see#on another note nobody has made this joke under the youtube video and i'm very surprised and impressed#but on bilibili: you can add like rolling comments on top of the video itself and when the blonde kid in rags shows up at the end#the ENTIRE SCREEN blows up with 'kakavasha is that you????' comments. help lmao#people have one braincell and it's hsr crossover#personally if aventurine came into genshin i would drop kick him into the next universe i just dont care for him as a character but whateve#ramblings!#arlecchino#genshin impact#NO MORE THOUGHTS. finals jail. bye
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