#and over again fuck it ill draw xie lian over and over again ill do it ill keep drawing
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I will draw the things that make me happy I will draw the things that bring me joy even if it's the same fictional character over and over again, even if it might be considered "cringe" by others or myself, even if I don't think it'll help me improve my skills, even if no one else will see it, even if everyone else will see it, I will draw what makes me happy I will draw what makes me happy I will draw what makes me happy
#hi this is about me feeling kinda embarrased and self concious about only having the urge to draw xie lian and tgcf and mdzs for the past yr#all my art mutuals and irl art friends branch out they have ocs or a variety of fandoms or they do painting studies and bg practices#and animation and different mediums and fully compositional pieces and i just havent had the motivation to draw anything but the same#handful of characters from the same fandom/media against blank white backgrounds or make silly tiktoks of them#with no creative inspiration or pursuit or experimentation ive just been drawing the same thing over and over again for the past year and i#get embarrased when irl ppl find my socials and see its the same thing over and over again#but im trying to tell myself its ok who cares draw whatever the hell you want#i love mxtx's works so much her stories and characters bring me so much joy ive loved being in the fandom and making fanart i just need to#remember that i do it for me i draw to make me happy i draw bc it makes me happy so if i dont feel like drawing anything but xie lian over#and over again fuck it ill draw xie lian over and over again ill do it ill keep drawing#reminder#bib thoughts#creative reminder
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@feietouhuo said: “ please… you have to understand why i did what i did… ” ( also to fx !! )
( EMOTIONAL PROMPTS )
Feng Xin stares at Mu Qing like he’s seeing a ghost , or the fall of Xianle all over again. Pale features , constricted eyes , and so still that one could mistake him for a statue if one didn’t notice the subtle , shallow breaths.
He’s gone mad. Xie Lian’s gone mad and now he’s gone mad. Because there’s no way Mu Qing would say please. There’s no way Mu Qing would give a fuck about what Feng Xin thinks about him. Asking him to understand is a stretch. And besides , Mu Qing is some middle official now again.
“ You’re not real. “ He wants to say it confidently or maybe accusingly , but it comes out like a broken whisper.
At least it isn’t White No-Face. But maybe in some ways that would’ve been better.
The King and Queen are asleep and- well. Xie Lian’s still missing. A few days had turned into weeks and it was getting closer to two months now without a sign. And Feng Xin has never felt so helpless. He doesn’t have Mu Qing’s skills for the household - his whole life has been for fighting and guarding and skills related to war and protection , not cleaning or cooking or tending to people. Xie Lian’s gone mad and he can’t stop that either. He can’t stop the king’s illness , he can’t - he can’t - he can’t -.
Really , it was only a matter of time before Feng Xin cracked in some way or another. He has been , but he always clenched his jaw and kept soldiering on. Now he stares at Mu Qing with a pained expression , dragging a hand over his face. It can’t really be Mu Qing. Mu Qing wouldn’t come to him. He wouldn’t come back after the rice incident. Feng Xin can’t believe that this is the real Mu Qing , so madness is the next best answer. Sad that madness is a best answer.
“ It doesn’t fucking matter why. “ Is talking to it good or should he ignore Mu Qing ? Feng Xin isn’t sure. Only that it’s familiar. “ You’re - You’re somewhere doing something in the Heavens. The real you. Enjoying it I’m sure. And I’m - I’m - “ Failing. I’m failing and I can’t stop anything.
Feng Xin isn’t quite sure HOW he ends up on the ground. Only that he suddenly is , sitting and digging his hands into the ground and blood dripping from his lip because he’s biting down so hard on it. At least THAT he knows is real.
“ Please go. “ His voice cracks , but this time Feng Xin doesn’t care. He’s exhausted. Physically , emotionally , mentally. He feels like a dried up river but he won’t give up. He can’t. There’s people depending on him. “ I can’t. I can’t take this too. “ Does madness care ? It hadn’t for Xie Lian. Maybe it wouldn’t for him either.
“ Just leave me alone. “
Feng Xin does not look up at Mu Qing , just draws in deep , ragged breaths and prays that when he looks up , Mu Qing will be gone.
#feietouhuo#:) i have gift for you#here you go#he legitimtely cant believe its mq#so just 'well great im insane now too'#bc at this point it wouldnt surprise him if he's lost it#and no he's never mentioning this ever#never ever in the future#〉martial god with a heart of gold〈 — ➵ ⌜feng xin⌟
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