#but to be fair a lot of the things i do are
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imaginesomethingrand · 3 days ago
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It's true.... why is this
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Me as a fanfic writer
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salemlunaa · 3 days ago
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☀︎it’s not transactional ☀︎
stop looking at methods as a unit of currency…
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When people speak of relationships, they say it shouldn’t be transactional because that’s toxic. For example just because your boyfriend/girlfriend has done something nice for you doesn’t mean you owe him or her sex. And the same goes for your relationship with manifesting, you aren’t owed your desires just because you did some method? And why? because you already have them.
Stop seeing methods as if it’s some unit of exchange!! what it’s not:
you do the method ➯ you get your manifestation
you affirm “I AM” ➯ you induce the void state
you listen to that one subliminal ➯ you have your dream body
It’s not something that you exchange, it’s not “I give my time and effort to this method and then in return I get my manifestation” stop seeing it like money. With money you give and you get something you paid for in return. That’s not how it works here because you don’t need to get something you already have and failure to understand will cost you a lot of time with your manifestations and will cost you a lot of blood sweat and tears that just don’t need to shed.
Methods don’t help you get things, the things you wanted were yours the second you wanted them to be. What methods do is remind you, because unfortunately we live in a society that drills a horrible way of thinking into our heads. Thinking that tells us that “nothing is free”, “you have to work for what you want”, “life isn’t fair”. And due to this thinking being instilled in us since forever, we need reminders, in a perfect world we would think of something and it would appear infront of us, but because of society, so much resistance has been created that we need reminders to brake those barriers, those reminders come in methods. And that’s all they are.
Now since i showed you what doesn’t happen, let me show you what actually happens:
you thought of it ➯ it’s here ➯ remind yourself with a method (optional) ➯ stand firm (mandatory) ➯ your already real desire appears in the 3d as a mere byproduct, the cherry on top if you will.
you are “I AM” ➯ you set the intention to induce pure consciousness ➯ you affirm “I AM” to remind yourself (optional) ➯ you’ve induce pure consciousness, congrats
you are the operant power ➯ you decide you want that body, it’s not desired anymore it’s just how you look ➯ subliminal reminds you of that ➯ appears in the 3d as a side effect
So do not come here and say “I tried this method and it failed me”, no. that’s just not possible. You failed to remind yourself and you wavered. Nothing to do with a lifeless method.
Let’s say you want to go to a certain destination? The method isn’t the car driving you there, it doesn’t help you get there, it doesn’t help you get anywhere. Because guess what? you were already at your dream destination, the method just helps you remember even when circumstances shows that your still in the unfavourable destination.
so please stop scrolling endlessly for the “best method”, because there is no method that objectively works better than the other, however there may be methods that help you stand a lot firmer. But you need to remember it’s individual, just because you saw a girl who did affirmations and got her dream life in a week doesn’t mean that will help you stand firm better, visualisation may help you achieve the favourable mindset a lot easier and quicker than a subliminal, everyone is different.
And that is why, you don’t need methods, when bloggers say “all you need is yourself” we’re not tryna give you some sappy motivation, it’s truth. You don’t need any method, at all.
☄️🐋 Methods are the reminder, not the booster or the helper… 💋
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lecl3rcw · 2 days ago
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Keeping Up With The Leclercs |
a/n: this is the more detailed version of the chapters!! y/n has no face claim, the pictures I use are just for reference.
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It was an unusually rainy day in Monte Carlo as the Leclerc twins sat at their mother’s house. y/n was on live with her fans building a lego set while arthur was playing the piano in the back.
“y/n what’s the lip oil you use, it’s so pretty, aw thankyou! I use the Dior lip oil in the shade poppy coral!” She smiles showcasing the product before putting it away.
“oh by the way, I’m back home in Monaco for a bit so that’s my brother playing the piano, he’s very good at it” she says as she continues to build a Lego sit, well atleast until her brother arthur comes into the screen.
“c'est tellement moche” that’s so ugly he says chuckling as her jaw drops. “tu es du genre à parler” you’re one to talk
Soon, Arthur had started helping her as the soft rain pattered against the window of their maman’s cozy house. “y/n who’s your favorite sibling, hmm…” she goes into deep thinking as arthur looks at her expectantly, “Lorenzo” she simply says as arthur scoffs “Not your twin brother?” “…definitely not” she chuckles as they engage in their usual sibling banter.
“I guess someone’s upset a certain someone is out of their league” Arthur nudges her, she gave him a warning look, “aw what’s the matter? You upset that Jo-” before he could finish she puts a hand on his mouth “fermez-la!” Shut up!
arthur chuckles as he nodded “bien sûr chéri” sure cheri he says as they continue building it. It was a studio ghibli's "howls moving castle" and it was so cute. Once they were finished they showed it to the people watching the live, “it’s so cute!” She says admiring their work. It was late so they decided to end the live saying goodbyes to everyone who watched.
y/n.leclcerc posted a story
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liked by alexandrasaintmleux, charlesleclerc, charlottedipietro and 67,000 more…
Now, she was in the middle of packing up her suitcase as Arthur scrolled through his phone laying down on her bed. "So how long are you going to be in the US for?" Arthur casually asks, "hmm about a month, and then ill meet up with Charles and Alexandra in Venice for a bit" she says as she packed everything.
"Damn, booked a lot of jobs for once? I'm surprised anyone would cast your ugly face" he chuckles making her roll her eyes, "don't you have some relationship problems to worry about" she fires back making his face drop. "Thats not fair! you know Carla-" before he finishes, their mother Pascale comes in as well.
"Salut Maman" hello mama they say unanimously, as she smiled at them. "Tu pars déjà ?" you're leaving already? she asks y/n as she sighs, "oui mama" yes mama she says hugging her mom. Pascale wraps her arms around the girl tightly, "ton voyage a paru si court, reviens plus souvent à Monaco ma petite fille" your trip felt so short, come back to Monaco more often my little girl. y/n smiles, "I promise I will maman" she says as she packs the last of her things.
Pascale takes a seat next to Arthur on y/n's bad, "so what all do you have planned for the month?" Arthur asks. y/n sits down, "I'm actually not sure, Lucille sent me an entire list of my schedule, I'm actually so grateful for my manager" she chuckles as she pulls up her schedule on the phone. "How is Lucille by the way?" Arthur says his cheeks a bit red, she glares at him "You stay away from Lucille" she says as his face drops "What! why!" he says as Pascale looks at them in confusion, "why cherie?" she asks confused as well.
"A. you're a terrible boyfriend, B. you have to sort things out with Carla because I love her, and C. I'm not going to let you mess up a good thing going on for me" she says crossing her arms, Arthur groans "I am not!" he says to his twin who scoffs "Do you know the amount of friendships I have lost because of you and Charles?" she says. "Fine fine ill stay away from Lucille quelle galère" what a drag he says rolling his eyes. "Maman tell him to stay away from Lucille" she says, "ok ok je pense qu'il comprend" ok ok i think he gets it she says in her usual soft voice. Once things settle down, Arthur and Pascale exit the room so that she could get some rest before her very long and tiring flight.
The next morning as she's brushing her teeth she gets a call from Lucille, "Goodmorning y/n! I just sent you a screenshot of the boarding pass!" Lucille chirps, "Thankyou so much Lucille, ill see you when I land" she says as she hangs up. She quickly gets her hand bag ready making sure she has her essential such as her passport, and some self care products.
Arthur and Pascale drive her to the airport, she hugs both of them tightly, "I'll miss you guys" she says pulling away, "yeah yeah I guess I will too" Arthur says playfully rolling his eyes to which she punches his shoulder. "oh ma petite fille, envoie-moi un message quand tu atterris" oh my little girl, text me when you land as she pulls y/n into another tight hug to which she reciprocates. "oui maman" yes mama she says before finally going into the line. "she waves to them with a quick I love you and before she knows it, she's on the plane.
y/n.leclerc's story
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charlesleclerc replied > safe travels cherie!
alexandrasaintmelux replied > see you soon ange!
she smiles as she responds to their messages, she shuts her phone off after a while. Her head resting on the airplane window as she extends her legs since she was in first class. her work in the US hadn't even started yet and she was already feeling so stressed. she had 38 modeling shoots, two runways, and about 7 public events, one of them including seeing one of her biggest crushes in just a month. she decides to just shut her eyes and let it go to the back of her head.
y/n.leclerc
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monaco 24' you will be missed <3 @ alexandrasaintmleux, @ arthurleclerc, @ chanel
liked by lorenzotl, charlesleclerc, and 1,200,0000 others.....
alexandrasaintmleux mon petit amour💌 my little love
^ y/n.leclerc mon ange 💞 my angel
lorenzotl vous me manquez les gars ☹️ miss you guys
^ y/n.leclerc tu me manques davantage😔💞 miss you more
chanel that's our ambassador!🫡
^ y/n.leclerc my fav brand💌
lec1ercs sososo pretty
lilymean1 your white dress is so pretty! where's it from!
^ y/n.leclerc Chanel! the 2023 summer drop :)
asmcloset I love her friendship with Alex
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munsonsmixtapes · 2 days ago
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hii i love your writing soo much your so talented!! could you write eddie and reader fake dating (their both best friends btw) and their doing this because it was eddie’s idea to make chrissy jealous but secretly the reader is in love with eddie and when eddie finally gets with chrissy the reader distance her self from eddie and eddie realizes that chrissy’s not what he expected and at the end eddie and reader gets together it’s a bit long sorryyy thank youuu🫶🫶🫶🫶
cw: hurt/comfort
You won't lie, you've been crushing on Eddie since long before you even became friends. So when he suggests that the two of you fake date, you jump at the chance, because if you can't actually date him at least, you'll know what it's like.
He's doing it to get Chrissy's attention and you can't even be mad at him because Chrissy is sweet and pretty and you unfortunately totally understand the appeal. And the worse part of it all, you think, is that they would actually look so cute together.
You always see them giggling in the hall and you don't even know why Eddie needs you. You wish he would leave you out of it, but you agree because he's your best friend and you're madly in love with him. You'll do anything for him and you're surprised that he doesn't ever use that to advantage. That man has you wrapped around his finger and he's so totally oblivious to it.
The whole thing is pathetic, actually. Because after the whole arrangement is over, Eddie will hopefully have a girlfriend, but what do you get? The satisfactory of a job well done? That doesn't exactly seem fair to you, but you suppose it's what you deserve for being a coward and not telling Eddie how felt when you had a chance.
"Act like you love me. She's coming," Eddie commands, pulling you out of your thoughts. Little does he know that you're not acting.
He grabs hold of your waist and pulls you closer to him, whispering compliments to you as he plays with your hair. And you hate how much you're eating it up because absolutely none of it real. You think he should be an actor because the way he's speaking sounds so genuine that you almost believed him at first.
Out of the corner of your eye, you see Chrissy approaching the two of you, her signature bright smile on her face and Eddie's totally going to blow the whole thing because of how obvious he is. The way he looks at her as if she's hung the moon is borderline pathetic.
"Hey guys," she greets and you turn to her, not even having to fake your smile because you actually genuinely like Chrissy. She's nothing but a sweetheart and she's one of the few girls at school that you would consider one of your friends.
"Hey," you smile back.
"I'm having a party tomorrow night and I was wondering if you guys wanted to come," she says and you have to be the one to reply since Eddie seems to be hypnotized by the girl.
"We'll be there," you tell her and her smile brightens.
"Perfect," she nods and then heads down the hallway. As soon as she's out of earshot, you turn to Eddie, smacking him on the shoulder.
"Ow," he winces, turning to glare at you. "What was that for?"
"Could you be any more obvious? I swore I could see you drooling."
"I wasn't drooling," his eyes narrow even more.
"Well you might as well have been. Come over tonight because clearly we have a lot to practice." Eddie rolls his eyes but agrees, especially because he always ends up at your house almost every night anyway.
You pace back and forth in your room, feeling nervous to see Eddie for the first time in your life. You can't believe you actually suggested that you practice. You don't exactly know what you meant but that, but all you cant think about now is roleplaying being a couple and that makes you anxious for some reason.
The door to your room opens and there Eddie is, looking like he walked straight out of your dreams and you honestly can't seem to pull your eyes from him. You hope that he doesn't notice, but also know Eddie's always so caught up in his own head that he doesn't notice little things like that.
"So," he sighs as he sits down on your bed and you hate how you're imagining yourself straddling his laps, kissing him stupid, only stopping so you both can catch your breath before going in for more. You know it won't happen, but a girl can dream.
You sit next to him and even though you've sat this close more times than you can count, your heart is suddenly pounding in your chest and you really hope that Eddie can't hear it.
"What did you want to practice?" He asks and you wonder when his face got so close to yours. You can see every single detail on his face, those damn Bambi eyes and his pretty lashes that he can bat and get you to do anything he asks. His pretty, pink lips that you so desperately want to kiss. His hair that you're itching to run your fingers through.
"Let's roleplay," you reply, thinking on the spot since you didn't actually plan anything out and were just pulling things out of your ass.
"Roleplay?" He asks then a smirk plays on his lips. "Kinky, I like it," he winks and you feel your face flush. He always knows what to say to embarrass you and you hate it.
"Shut up," you shove his shoulder. "You know that's not what I mean."
"Relax, babe. I'm not kink shaming if that's what you're thinking."
"Can you be serious for once in your life?"
"Sorry, sorry," he apologizes as his face softens. "I was just trying to lighten the mood since you seem so tense. What's got you so worked up?"
You, you want to tell him. You're so close to laying it all out on the table and tell him the truth. That thinking about him being with Chrissy is breaking your heart and that you're the one he should be with. But you know you have no right to tell him who he should or shouldn't date, so you stay quiet.
Eddie can see that you're staring at his lips and he just smiles at you, finally catching onto why you invited him over. He's surprised he didn't see it sooner. He kind of feels like an idiot for not catching on as quickly as he should have.
"I see what this is about," he smirks knowingly and he can't help but chuckle when he sees your eyes bug out.
"You do?" You ask with a gulp and he doesn't know why you're so nervous. It's just a kiss and nothing else.
"Of course." He's laughing now and you want the floor to swallow you whole. "You think we should practice kissing."
That's not at all what you had in mind, but there's no way you can tell him he was wrong. And you're also not going to miss an opportunity to kiss him.
"And I agree," he nods, leaning even closer, this closest he's ever been to you that doesn't include cuddling.
He slowly reaches up to cup your cheek, gently rubbing along it with his thumb as his eyes bore into yours. Your heart pounds in your chest as you lean closer to him. your eyes fluttering closed as you do so.
"Tell if I do something you don't like," he says softly and you almost shiver as you feel his breath fan across your lips. All you can do is nod and you feel him keep your head steady as he cradles your head in his hands.
Eddie's lips capture yours and your hands rest on his thighs, scooting closer to him as your brain short circuits. You can't believe that this is happening, and the thing is, you don't even care if it's not real. You're just so caught up in him that it doesn't even matter.
He pulls away before you're ready and you can't help but stare down at his kiss bitten lips, deciding that you could do that for hours and never get bored of how his hands and mouth are so gentle with you.
But you want him to be a little more rough. You want him to stick his tongue into your mouth, to nip at your bottom lip, to give you a hickey that's damn near impossible to cover up with make up.
Eddie wants to stop there before he gets carried away, but he can see how hungry you are for more. You look like you want to devour him and who's he to tell you no?
"I think we should practice a little more," he says and you're nodding enthusiastically.
"I agree," you continue to nod and Eddie smiles as he leans in again, more rough this time and he can't help but notice how your fingers are digging into his skin through his jeans.
His hands move to your neck and his thumbs rest on your jaw, tilting your head back as he licks into your mouth, his tongue tangling with yours and in one swift motion, he moves you so that you're straddling his waist. Your hands are in his hair and if it goes any farther, you'll be at the point of no return.
Eddie's hand move down to your waist and slowly travel up your shirt, but they stop, resting on the small of your back, deciding not to go any higher even though he really wants to. He has to remind himself that it's just kissing and nothing more.
You both pull away when you're out of breath and in that moment, Eddie's not thinking about Chrissy at all. He's thinking about you and how pretty and sweet you are. And how he wants to spend the rest of the night right there, kissing you until the early hours of the morning then cuddling in your bed, fully intending on staying there for the rest of the day watching cartoons and kissing even more because now he's addicted to the feeling of your lips on his.
"I could do that for hours," he tells you, his pupils blown. His hands are out from under your shirt and they're rubbing up and down your back so gently.
He has to know what he's doing to you, right? How he's hurting you because you think you've been so obvious about your feelings for him and now it feels like he's toying with you. But you know Eddie would never do that and it's clear that he has no idea how much you're in love with him because he's oblivious to everything in that department.
He’s looking at you like you look at him and Eddie doesn’t know what he’s feeling but it’s odd. He thinks he’s starting to see you as more than a friend, which was honestly a long time coming. He thinks he’s always been in love with you but was too scared to admit it to himself because one, you’re his best friend, and also because he’s not used to people reciprocating his feelings so he doesn’t think there’s a point in telling you the truth. 
He wants to run, but he stays and you let him wear a t-shirt that he’s left there and the two of you go to bed wrapped up in each other’s arms, talking about everything and nothing until you eventually fall asleep, the two of you knowing that your friendship is never going to be the same. 
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“How do I look?” You ask as you emerge from the bathroom. You’re wearing a black party dress and as soon as Eddie sees you, he swears that he’s died and gone to heaven. But if he’s being honest, he doesn’t even want to go to the party anymore. He just wants to stay there and maybe kiss you some more. Okay, definitely kiss you some more. But you seem so excited so he’s going to go just for you.
“You look-” he cuts himself, trying to come up with what adjective he wants to use. “Fucking amazing,” he decides on as he takes you by the hands, pulling you to him as he presses a kiss to your lips. 
“Eddie,” you say as you pull away. “There’s no one around so you don’t have to pretend.”
“Who says I’m pretending?” He smiles, pulling you in for another kiss before he lets go of you so you can finish getting ready. He doesn’t even know if he’s interested in Chrissy anymore, but he’s trying to convince himself that he is because it’s easier that way. If the two of you were to get together and then break up, he doesn’t know what he’d do if he lost you. You’re the most important person in his life and he wants you to stay in it forever. 
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So the two of you show up to the party hand in hand, making sure to be all flirty around Chrissy. You still don’t know why you’re doing this. Why couldn't he just ask her out instead of talking you into this elaborate scheme? It’s not only unfair to Chrissy, it’s also unfair to you. It doesn’t even seem to be working as she flirts with Jason over by the punch table. 
Everything shifts, though, when Chrissy announces that it’s time to play “Spin the Bottle”. Your stomach churns as Eddie pulls you over, forcing you to sit right next to him even if it means that he probably won’t get to kiss you. He wants to keep you by his side the entire night, not wanting to let you out of his sight. 
You feel so sick as the game starts and it’s Eddie’s turn to spin the bottle. You almost don’t want to watch, but you can’t draw attention to yourself so you watch the bottle spin round and round. It seems that the universe has a sick sense of humor because it lands on Chrissy. Of fucking course. Eddie crawls over to her and you can see them whispering about something, smiling at each other before they both go in for a kiss. 
You don’t stay and watch, physically unable to as you rise to your feet, hurrying to the bathroom because there’s no way you can be there anymore. You tried to be happy for Eddie, you really did. And you hate yourself for feeling so hurt and betrayed because all of it was fake and Eddie still has no idea that you’re in love with him. 
So you lock the door and sink to the floor, leaning against the tub as you bring your knees to your chest, crying into them, thankful that the loud music is drowning out your sobs. There’s a knock on the door before whoever is on the other side wiggles the door knob. God, could this night get any worse? 
“It’s occupied,” you say through sobs but your ears perk up at the familiar voice. 
“Baby, it’s me. Can you open up?” It’s Eddie. Why’s he at the door? You figured he’d be making out with Chrissy somewhere. You ignore him, not wanting him to see you like that and bury your face back into your knees, more sobs raking through you. 
“Honey?” He asks, his voice nothing but soft as he knocks on the door lightly. You get on your knees to unlock the door then turn away, not wanting him to see how horrible you probably look. But he gets on his knees in front of you anyway, his smile falling as he sees the mascara tears dried on your cheeks. “Oh, baby,” is all he says, so much sympathy in his voice as he reaches up and wipes away makeup from your face.”What’s with the tears, hm?” He asks, his thumbs rubbing back and forth across your cheeks. 
“It’s nothing. It’s…stupid.”
“If you’re upset about it, then it’s not stupid.” 
Eddie being so nice to you is making it really hard to be mad at him. You want to, but you can’t. And you know that you have no real right to be mad at him anyway. He has every right to be with Chrissy and you just have to be okay with that.
“Why are you even here? You got Chrissy so why aren’t you with her? That was the whole point of this whole thing, right?”
“It was,” he nods. “But last night made me realize something.”
“Yeah? And what’s that?”
“It made me realize that you’re the only one I want to kiss.” 
You freeze as soon as the words leave his mouth. There’s no way you heard that right. Your mind is just playing tricks on you. It has to be. 
“But-” you try to argue, but you just end up furrowing your eyebrows in confusion. 
“I know it doesn’t make sense,” he chuckles. “But I think I’ve always been in love with you and I was just so scared of losing you that I didn’t want to pursue it. What you saw was Chrissy and I just playing the game.”
“Then what did you say to her before? I saw you whispering.”
“She told me not to screw things up with you. Someone told her about you and I fake dating in order to get her attention and she said that she was flattered. And that was when I realized that I didn’t want her anymore. All I could think about was you. And she’s with Jason now so it’s not like it matters anyway.”
This all feels like a surreal dream, but you can feel Eddie’s hands on your cheeks so there’s no way that it can be. It’s real. It’s what you’ve been wanting for so long and now you have it. All you have to do is tell him you feel the same way and that will be that. 
“Because I love you, y/n. I want you and only you. I’m…I’m yours if you’ll have me.”
“You love me?” You ask, your mind still not grasping what’s going on. 
“More than you’ll ever know, baby,” he says as he goes in for a kiss, pulling you into his lap as his arms wrap around you so tight as he doesn’t plan on letting you go. You’re his now and you will continue to be until you take your last breaths. And that’s exactly how you want it.
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loverafey · 2 days ago
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water fight !  rafe x f!reader
          ꕀ warnings - pure fluff and bickering! suggestive at the end.  wc -  612.
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“come back here!”
rafe was chasing you around the house, a big grin etched onto his lips and a water gun in his arms. he couldn’t comprehend how you were so sneaky, spraying water on him from that gun of yours when he was least expecting it. well now, you have to pay the price.
your giggles echoed through the walls as you continued to run from him, trying not to slip. there will be lots of cleaning to do when you both are done, but it was all worth it. plus he loved hearing those infectious noises you were making, so full of joy. all targeted towards him.
“catch me if you can, rafey!” you snickered, waving at him as you jogged towards the entrance of the pool, not before turning around to spray some water from your water gun on him once again, admiring the way his wet shirt was clinging to his torso. fuck, those biceps.
“you brat.” he huffed, feigning anger. gripping his water gun tight, he finally got near you before shooting the water towards you, eyes lighting up as it hit the front of your shirt, pressing the trigger once again to spray the water right on your face, enjoying the sight of your nose scrunching.
“not wearin’ a bra, huh?” of course you weren’t, and he knew that quite well. you both hadn’t even woken up that long ago, and the first thing you did was hop into one of his buttoned shirts and wearing nothing else but your panties, surprising him awake by spraying him with water. he couldn’t even be angry at you after that adorable display you made, so he sought to take revenge instead, grabbing another one of his water guns. he’d make sure to thank topper later for leaving those behind.
“stop staring like that, pervert.” you sprayed water on him, causing him to do the same, the water fight going on back and forth with both of you laughing. it was cute in his eyes how you were so focused on trying to shoot him, not even realising that he was very much close to you now, closing the distance between you both.
“should’ve just surrendered, baby.” he cooed coyly, giving you a gentle shove as you tripped and fell into the water with a squeal. thankfully the depth of the pool wasn’t that much, he knew that you were safe.
“hey, that’s not fair!” you wiggled your arms dramatically in the air, blush rushing to your cheeks as you grumbled, aiming the water gun at him again. you, unfortunately, didn’t get a chance to spray water on him once again as he stepped into the pool himself, rushing towards you, swooping you in those strong arms of his, splashing water everywhere.
“got my shirt all dirty.” his fingers edged closer to the buttons of his shirt that you were wearing, slipping in through one of the holes, grazing against your skin. “woke up in a playful mood, huh?” his lips brushed against your nose, smiling as he felt you nod almost excitedly, your arms wrapping around his neck after letting go of the water gun, letting it float around in the pool. “just had to mess with me.”
“mhm, i guess.” you replied, shrugging, feeling your breath hitch as his fingers begin to undo the buttons of the shirt you were, little by little. "just wanted to see your, well, boobs." you added, grinning down at the way his shirt was pressed against his pecs, earning a scoff from him.
“maybe i’ll forgive you…” he trailed off, not specifying anything, leaning down to capture your lips with his.
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copperbadge · 2 days ago
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I know I've had comments about readers being emotionally invested in my awkward flirtation with Museum Date (the Excelsexual) but we probably won't get to meet for at least a few weeks -- they have an uneven schedule and so do I. And in fairness some people want to chat for a while first and many dudes are so fucking pushy that a lot of people aren't comfortable saying that to a man directly. So possibly the scheduling thing is a ruse to extend the length of time we chat first but I don't mind, I'm not in a rush for a relationship and if I was that desperate for sex I can handle it fine myself.
People be horny, you guys. I thought I had a pretty average sex drive but goddamn, some of the profiles I've seen. Mind you, having spent my entire adult life writing porny fanfic, I'm uniquely suited to provide if I feel like it. If text only sex was more popular I could retire on an OnlyFans income. (I mean, if you are earning big via chat sex, I'm interested in your thoughts. I'm still paying off the new HVAC.)
In any case, Breakfast Date is a little later this morning and should be fun, they're poly so the vibe is laid back, they're interesting to talk to, and also I've spent enough time adjacent to the kink community to have spotted some big green flags. Some of this is a little new to me and in any case it's been a while so it feels like a good way to ease in.
Oddly it feels a little strange to talk about it here, even though I talk about most of my life here. Maybe because it's a new-ish facet, maybe because dating isn't the same kind of photo-friendly, emotionally neutral content as work and touristing and such generally are. Regardless, I'll probably talk about it when it's interesting but also, out of respect to the other people involved, and really you guys as well, that'll stop at the bedroom door.
In any case there's a breakfast burrito and the possibility of meeting my date's dog in my immediate future, so the weekend is starting out well.
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aquaticmercy · 17 hours ago
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Waste a Moment / Part 15
Summary : Bucky had always kept his distance, but seeing you get hurt on a mission changed everything. For the first time, he has a chance to start over with you.
Pairing : Bucky Barnes x avenger!reader (she/her) 
Warnings/tags : Mentions of food. Cursing. Memory loss. Head injury. Reader used to work in a museum.
Requested by :  @remoony
Word count : 2.7k
Note : I have a lot on my inbox and I haven’t been replying a lot lately, but I will go through them tomorrow! Please let me know if I miss anyone on the tags! Enjoy!
Series Masterlist
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“Name a Price”
Tuesday.
You had said it all—every bitter feeling, every thread of anger that festered so deep inside you that you barely knew where you ended and it began. Alex hadn’t interrupted, hadn’t even shifted in her seat.
She just sat there beside you, listening like she did the first time.
Not as someone who pitied you— but as a friend.
For a while, she didn’t say anything. 
You stared at the glass case in front of you, the one holding Bucky’s war uniform— a symbol of his past that he was still piecing together.
You began to wonder if he’d been someone else back then— someone untouched by Hydra’s corruption. 
But you knew better. That uniform belonged to a man already carrying scars from war you couldn’t begin to fathom. Hydra just amplified it, took advantage of it, added to it.
“I’m not defending Bucky,” Alex finally spoke, “But let me ask you something—hypothetically. If you were still with him, and he somehow forgot all about his Winter Soldier days, would you remind him?”
What?
You turned to her sharply, mouth agape with shock. “That’s not fair.”
“I’m not trying to be fair,” she replied calmly, “it was just a hypothetical question.”
Your hands clenched into fists in your lap. “But that’s neither here nor there,” you muttered, looking away.
“Is it?” Alex pressed, her tone patient but unrelenting. “The only difference I see is scale.”
Her words lingered in your brain like a disease spreading. You wanted to snap at her, to tell her it wasn’t the same thing at all, but… wasn’t it?
“Well,” you said, your voice faltering a little, your conviction a little less absolute. “It’s not the same,” you insisted. “It’s a painful memory for him, and he wouldn’t know how to process it. I wouldn’t want to…”
Your voice trailed off, realising your answer.
The truth— the truth was that you wouldn’t tell him. 
You wouldn’t tell him because you couldn’t bear to see the pain, to see the humanity ripped away again. You wouldn’t be able to look at the way it would twist his beautiful blue eyes and pull him back into the darkness he’d spent so long trying to climb out of. You wouldn’t tell him because you didn’t think you could survive watching him rip himself apart, questioning his very existence, his place in the world.
But was that fair? Could you make that choice for him?
Alex’s voice cut through your spiralling thoughts. “Doesn’t he deserve to know the truth?”
You flinched, feeling the words hit like a punch. 
“It wouldn’t be my place to give it to him,” you said, your tone harsher than you intended— like it was your last line of defence. 
“So you’d be complicit,” Alex said bluntly.
That word stunned you. It froze you in place.
Complicit.
You felt your chest tighten, your breath stopping for a split second. 
Complicit. 
Like Yelena.
The realisation struck you like a punch to the gut. 
Even as you tried to tend to the wounds, you still held a grudge against Yelena for what she’d done, for keeping the truth from you. You hated the way she had looked at you with pity in her eyes. You hated that she’d known all along. You hated that she knew when the truth came out, it would destroy you. 
But now, you realised, if you were in Yelena’s shoes, wouldn’t you have done the exact same thing?
“And how do you think he’d feel if he found out the way you did?” Alex continued quietly.
You swallowed hard, but the lump in your throat wouldn’t go away. 
You didn’t have to imagine it. You already knew— you knew exactly how he’d feel.
He’d feel like the ground had been ripped out from under him, like the air had been stolen from his lungs. He’d feel betrayed. Hurt. 
Like his entire world was a lie.
Just like you had.
You loved Alex— she was your friend— but you hated how exposed you felt, how easily her words broke down the walls you've built around yourself.
“It’s not that simple,” you said, your voice breaking.
“I know,” Alex replied, she put her hand on yours, trying to keep you steady. “But I think… Bucky did what he did out of love. It doesn’t make it right, but it doesn’t make it wrong either. It makes it human.”
“So what?” You almost snapped if not for the stray sob that escaped your mouth. “I’m just supposed to forgive him? Pretend like it’s all okay because he meant well?”
“No,” Alex said firmly. “You’re allowed to be angry. You’re allowed to hurt.” She paused, her eyes holding yours. “But ask yourself this: what’s holding on to this anger costing you?”
You knew exactly what it cost you: it cost you your happiness, and his.
When you stepped into your apartment, you saw him.
Bucky stood in the kitchen, his back turned to you, shoulders tense he moved around the stove. The soft clatter of utensils and the low hiss of simmering liquor on the burner made your apartment feel like him. 
The scent was rich, warm, and familiar. It was your favourite dish. 
On the table nearby, your clear vase was now home to a bouquet of flowers, your favourite flowers— the ones he always teased you about loving because they never lasted long. You’d playfully huff, telling him it bloomed so beautifully in the short time it had lived. 
They were arranged with painstaking care—one you knew Bucky was capable of. The petals were flawless, the colours vibrant, as if he’d combed through hundreds of blooms to find the most perfect ones.  
“Hey,” he said softly. He turned to face you, his movements careful, as if afraid to shatter the fragile truce between you. 
When his eyes found yours, a tentative smile curved his lips. His voice was different— gentle, stripped of the defensive edge you had expected.
Your breath hitched.
You’d imagined this moment countless times while you were laying in the hospital bed. 
In some versions, your fury took centre stage, unleashed on him like a storm. In others, the anger had dulled, leaving only an all- consuming sadness, refusing to acknowledge he existed all together. 
You had breached for him to plead, to beg. But this? This peace, this tenderness—it wasn’t what you’d prepared for. 
“Hi,” you managed to say, your voice barely more than a whisper. It felt heavy, like the first crack in a dam threatening to spill. You closed the door behind you, and walked to the dinner table, sitting down before your knees gave out.
Bucky turned back to the stove, setting the spoon down, giving himself a moment to gather his thoughts. He wiped his hands on a towel before walking over to the table. 
His movements were careful, like a man walking a tightrope. “I didn’t want you to come back to… an empty home. Not again,” he murmured, his hand raking through his hair, as it always did when he was anxious. “So I thought I’d, uh, take care of the place. Until you came back. If you came back.”
You stared at him, then at his careful effort he’d put into making the apartment feel welcoming. After all this time, your home didn’t feel yours anymore— not entirely.. It felt like it belonged to both of you. 
“You didn’t have to do this,” you said finally, your voice trembling. 
“I know,” he said, his voice barely holding steady. His eyes met yours, and for the first time since the hospital, there was no mask, no shield. No defences raised, no excuses. “But I wanted to.”
The vulnerability in his eyes was an invitation, not a deflection.
“Dinner’s almost ready,” he said, breaking the moment as he turned back to the stove.
You nodded, fingers brushing over the soft petals of the flowers. Questions swirled in your mind—so many questions, accusations, words you’d rehearsed over and over. But you didn’t say any of them. Instead, you let him take care of you as you once did— you let him finish dinner.  
When he finally brought the plates over, he sat across from you, his hands resting on his knees like he was bracing for impact. You stared at the food, then at him.
“Thank you,” you said. Picking up your fork felt… comforting. It felt like home.
“I can go,” he said suddenly, almost panicked. “I’ll do the dishes and leave.”
“No,” you said quickly, the word surprising even yourself. Your chest tightened as you recalled your conversation with Alex, her reminder that he was human, a reminder that healing could only start if you accepted that he could make mistakes. You set your fork down and met his eyes. “I’m ready to talk.”
Bucky hesitated, his fingers tracing anxious patterns along the table. His muscles tightened, his eyes fixed downward as if the weight of what he was about to say could shatter everything between you. “I don’t… I don’t know where to start.”
You swallowed, the lump forming in your throat. You forced yourself to breathe through it. 
The thought of finally hearing him out was terrifying, but you knew you owed it to yourself. “I don’t care where you start,” you said gently.
His hand stilled in a grip that held the table’s edge a little too tightly. “I know you know I wasn’t always this w-way. This perfect person you’ve known these past few months… I’ve always wanted to be him, for you.”
His words hit you like a wave, the sincerity pulling at your heartstrings. 
“I never needed you to be perfect, Bucky,” you said, the tremble in your tone almost taking over, “I just needed you to be honest.”
He lifted his gaze then, his eyes clouded with regret, pain, and mostly— shame. “How could I?” He murmured, his voice cracking, “For so long, I thought I was protecting you by keeping parts of myself locked away. By being… distant. I thought that if I didn’t let you get too close, you’d be better off. Safer. I didn’t… I didn’t know how t-to justify this change.”
“But why?” you asked, your voice sharper than you intended. “Why did you think I couldn’t handle it? Why didn’t you trust me enough to let me in?”
He flinched at your tone, his shoulders dropping as if the question had drained him. He closed his eyes for a moment, thinking before answering. “Because I didn’t think I deserved you.” He looked at you then, his eyes so full of pain. “I told myself you deserved someone whole, someone who wasn’t… broken. And I thought that if I kept my distance, you would hate me. But you didn’t. Not until… not until now.”
But he was wrong. You didn’t hate him— you never could. You hated that he lied, But him? No, you could never bring yourself to hate him.
“So you pushed me away,” you said quietly, a confirmation of what you knew all along.
He nodded, lI thought I could keep my distance and pretend like it was for the best. But every time I was around you, I felt this… like I couldn’t breathe.”
There it was again. 
He couldn’t breathe around you, he admitted time and again. But not because he hated you. Not because he found your presence suffocating.
It was because you were so damn precious to him that the very thought of sharing the same air as you felt like a privilege he hadn’t earned.
“Instead of facing it,” he continued, “I built a wall around myself.”
Today, his words weren’t excuses; they were admissions. Every letter felt like it cost him a piece of himself.
“I know I hurt you,” he said, his voice breaking. “And I know I can’t undo that. But when you lost your memory… I don’t know. It felt like I had this chance to—to start over. To be the man you deserved. To show you the kind of love I’ve always wanted to give you.”
You blinked back tears. It was like piecing together the puzzle of your past, one fragment of pain at a time. “But you didn’t think to tell me?” you asked, “You didn’t think I deserved to know?”
A pang guilt crossed his face, his mouth falling into a frown. “I should have,” he admitted, “I should’ve told you everything from the start. But I was so scared that if you knew, you’d see the worst of me. That you’d hate me for it. And losing you… I couldn’t handle... couldn’t think….”
You wanted to yell at him, to tell him how much his silence had hurt you, how it had made you question everything. But you also understood, in a way that only love could explain. Alex’s little thought experiment made you connect to his fear— the paralysing fear of losing that meant so much to you. 
“I’m not going to pretend this doesn’t hurt,” you said, your voice steady despite the tears welling in your eyes. “I can’t go back to the way things were before, Bucky. No more lies, no more walls. If we’re going to try this— I need to know all of you. The good, the bad, the broken. All of it.”
His eyes widened.
A second chance—after everything he’d hidden from you? 
It seemed impossible— yet here you were, offering it to him.
He hesitated, then reached for your hand, still not believing that he deserved your touch.
When his trembling fingers brushed against yours, you didn’t pull away. Instead, you turned your hand, weaving your fingers through his.
“I promise,” he said, “I’ll be better. I’ll be honest. No more walls, no more hiding.”
His fingers tightened around yours, afraid you might still let go, afraid you might change your mind. 
But you held on, your grip firm “I don’t need you to be perfect,” you repeated. “I just need you to be honest. I need you to let me in.”
His breath faltered, and for a moment, he looked at you like you were the only thing that could keep him tethered to this earth. “I’ll let you in,” his voice broke. “I’ll spend the rest of my life proving to you that you made the right choice.”
As you sat there holding his hand, you felt the presence of something stronger than fear—hope.
“Can I kiss you?” He finally asked
Your heartbeat quickened, your chest tightening at the sincerity in his request. 
For a moment, you saw it—the life you both wanted, the way it could feel so right, so safe, in his arms. And yet, the cracks of what you’d been through together were still there. The answer that rose within you wasn’t what you’d expected, but it was clear.
“No.”
The word left your lips gently, but firmly. His thumb froze against your skin, his body tensing. The faintest flicker of hurt crossed his eyes. 
He opened his mouth to apologise, but before he could, you interrupted him.
“I’m not saying no forever,” you said, “But I want to take things slow. I need to trust that this—whatever we’re building now—isn’t just us rushing to cover up the hurt. I need to know it’s real.”
For a moment, he just looked at you. Slowly, his shoulders relaxed. A small, almost shy smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “We’ll go as slow as you need,” he said.
He leaned back slightly, letting his fingers slip from yours.
There was no more resentment, no bitterness— only understanding. 
The two of you continued eating in silence, exchanging glances that lingered just a little longer than usual, small, subtle smiles that promised a fragile piece. Each moment felt like a step forward, like a rebuilding of trust, brick by brick, piece by piece.
When the meal was over, he stood to clear the dishes. As he walked past your chair, he paused. His fingers brushed against your shoulder, a fleeting touch. It wasn’t possessive or pleading anymore. Instead, it was a quiet reminder. I’m here. I’m staying. I’m not going to hide anymore.
And for the first time, you truly believed him. Not because he’d said the right thing, not because he was perfect. But because he was trying. 
Because he was human, and he finally saw himself that way. 
-To be continued…
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raynbow-shimmer · 3 days ago
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Look at this thing. I want to make it for the fair next year. It looks FUCKING INTENSE and I am scared. All the color changes. Like, good god. Tapestry crochet too. But oh my gosh, do I want to make it. I will curse the entire way through. Probably cry a lot as well. But it just looks so good. Good bye soothing repetitive motions. Hello hell.
Fibre crafts are 50% soothing repetitive action and 50% "God Fucking Damnit"
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hippiegoth97 · 1 day ago
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Random Spencer Reid Thought #2
A/N: Fucking FINALLY got something written for once. Enjoy some crumbs, lovely readers <3
Content Warning 18+ Only, Minors DNI: swearing, smut, virgin!Spencer Reid, fem!reader, no use of Y/N, fingering, groping, unprotected sex, loss of virginity, dirty talk, rough sex, fluff
Some tags: @rafeyscurtainbangs @loserboysandlithium @hotwritergf @bloodibambiidoll
"Are you sure you're ready for this, Spence?" You ask Reid as you're straddling his thighs, the two of you naked in his bed as you have been so many times before. Although, it's different this time, because he's just asked you to take his virginity from him.
"Yes. I'm ready." He replies softly, sitting up against the headboard, his hands resting at your waist. He's brought you here on many occasions, though up until recently the most you'd do is make out until your lips were sore.
He'd met you at a book shop a few months ago, reaching for the same first edition of some dusty old classic. Sherlock Holmes, maybe, or perhaps even Moby Dick. He doesn't quite remember (and his unmatched memory captures everything), as he was far too focused on the gorgeous, soft hand that brushed against his own in grabbing for the book. A shared laugh soon followed, light and airy, like it was the easiest thing in the world. Your beauty enraptured him instantly, and he nearly tripped over himself to give you his number and await your call to plan a date of some sort. It was so unlike him to do so, it made him seriously question his sanity for an hour or two. But after a conversation with you that lasted hours into the night when he returned home that evening, he was pleased to find he'd made a very wise decision.
Fast forward to the last month or so, and things have rapidly progressed from hand-holding and passionate kisses to touching various naked areas with your hands and mouths. You've been patient, guiding Spencer along each stepping stone towards intercourse, encouraging him, exploring him in every way imaginable. Despite your insistence (and multiple comments he receives from certain coworkers of his), he's never exactly found himself to be attractive. Not really.
He's spent most of his life a full step ahead of everyone else in terms of education and career, leaving him considerably younger than most of his peers. That fact alone has made it rather difficult to experience a lot of 'firsts' in regards to intimacy. He's been kissed before you came along, maybe even felt up a little bit, but nothing beyond that. In all honesty, a part of him is glad to have been spared the awkward adolescent groping and vulgar attempts at playing grown-up, because now he's been able to share all of these amatory encounters with you.
"I want this. I want you." Spencer reiterates as you haven't made any next moves yet.
"I want you too, baby. I just have one more question." You say softly, brushing a wispy hair out of his face before cupping his cheek.
"And what's that?" Reid asks, unable to help smiling as you gaze at him adoringly.
"Do you want me to put a condom on you, or are you okay without one?" You ask, the words sounding a bit more clinical than you'd like. But it's a fair question.
"I-I dunno. Should I?" His brow furrows, unsure how to go about this. He's aware you're on the pill, though that statistically isn't 100% effective. And he may be a virgin, but he's aware of the mess sex can make, and it might spare a bit of cleanup afterwards. He's getting stuck on it now, pondering inside his head as you play with the foil wrapper between your fingers.
You giggle at his momentary trance, shaking your head. "It's only if you want to, Spence. It's not exactly a life-altering decision."
"That's not true. You could still end up pregnant." Spencer retorts, about to rattle off statistics at you about just how many children were born to parents who assumed oral contraceptives were enough. You put a finger over his mouth to stop him, and he sighs when he realizes how intense he's getting about this. He gently moves your hand away, speaking again. "I'm sorry, I'm being silly."
"No, you're not. It's sweet that you're so concerned." You reassure him, giving him a soft kiss. He hums into you, allowing your tongue to slip into his mouth for a moment. You pull away shortly after, taking his breath with you. With your lips still brushing against his, you meet his dizzied gaze. "I only ask, because I want your first time to be extra special. And it'll feel so much better if you fuck me without a condom on." You say seductively, making his pupils dilate with lust.
"Actually, studies show that there's little to no difference in sensat-" Reid's gargantuan mind starts up again, leaving you no choice but to cut him off by taking his cock in your grasp. "-fuck." He mutters, losing his train of thought entirely, his eyes flicking down to look at the scene between his legs. His stiff, ample length throbs in your hand, pearly beads of precum dripping down the side as you lazily stroke him.
"Baby, look at me..." You purr, drawing his gaze to you. "I'm gonna ask you again. All I need is a 'yes; or 'no', okay?" You wait for him to give an understanding nod. He does, as well as letting out one of the filthiest little moans you've ever heard. "Do you want to wear a condom?" You ask, letting his dick fall from your hand for a moment. He whines at the loss, the sound sending a flare of arousal between your legs.
"No. I want to feel you. All of you. Please." Spencer begs, and you could just about melt at the pitchy whimper in his voice. You've noticed he grows rather needy in bed, and it doesn't take much to rile him up. The way he takes everything you give him like a precious gift is so goddamn intoxicating.
"So do I, Spence." You say with a smile, one he mirrors. "Is this position okay? We can do it any way you want."
"This is fine, makes me feel close to you." Reid says sweetly, squeezing your hips a little.
"You wanna warm me up a little bit first?" You ask, longing to feel his touch.
"Of course." He nods, leaning in to press his lips to yours. Spencer always starts with a kiss, no matter what it is you end up doing. It's really romantic, and makes your knees weak every time. You let him lead, allowing his tongue to dominate yours in a fervent dance. His hand leaves your waist, trailing along your supple skin, leaving goosebumps in his wake. His long fingers brush past your inner thighs, reaching their intended destination without him having to look. He rubs slow circles on your clit, making you moan against his mouth. It doesn't take long for him to venture further, slipping two fingers inside your drenched cunt.
"Fuck, Spence." You moan aloud, the way his fingertips can reach your g-spot so quickly and easily takes you by surprise every time. You grab hold of his cock again, mainly holding it to keep him ready. Although, the sounds you're making and how wet you are seem to be doing that job just fine. The air of the room heats up, growing thinner as the seconds pass. Unabashed moans escape the two of you as you work each other up, building towards the one thing you've both desired for so long. "I'm ready when you are." You say breathlessly, eager to finally feel Spencer inside of you.
"O-Okay." He stutters, nodding his head enthusiastically. He pulls his fingers out of your cunt, bringing them to his lips. He sucks them clean, moaning at the taste of you. "Mm."
"Dirty boy." You tease, making a deep blush bloom wildly across his cheeks. You start to stroke him again, very slowly. You get up on your knees to position yourself over him.
He watches your every move, unable to say a word. It's finally happening. He's going to have sex. With you. Reid feels like a silly teenager with all these thoughts running through his head, but they all fall away the second you bring the tip of his cock to glide through your folds. You share a moan at the sensation, gazing at one another with parted mouths. Hearts pounding in anticipation, breath stolen from your lungs, arousal leaking from you both and mixing together in the indescribable friction. Spencer could cum just like this if he isn't careful.
"Ready?" You ask one final time, just to be absolutely sure that he wants this.
"Yes." Reid nods, trying to keep himself from squirming. You feel so good, and he's not even inside you yet. He's certain he won't last long, but you've already told him a hundred times that it won't be a problem.
You don't waste anymore time, holding his cock at your entrance and gradually sinking down onto him. "Fuck, Spence. You're so big." You moan as he splits you open. He's a bit larger than you've had before, and it's been quite some time since you've done this, so every inch is deliciously stuffing you full.
Reid, on the other hand, has gone completely mute. His mind has stopped working, and all he can do is grip onto your hips with all the strength he has without hurting you. You're absolute heaven inside, if he believed in such a thing. So hot, and slick, and snug, squeezing around his dick perfectly. He finally understands what all the fuss is about. He could just about cry from happiness in this moment. Once you're fully seated on him, your walls constrict out of reflex, which appears to get Spencer's sex-addled brain working again. "Oh, my...fuck- I, um, wow..." He babbles, unsure what to do with himself. His hands fidget at your sides aimlessly, and his expression twists and bends in all manner of ways as he attempts to get a grip on one singular thought.
"Shh, look at me, Spencer." You coo to him, leading his chin with your finger. He meets your eyes, though his own desperately want to roll back into his fucking skull. "That's it, baby. Just breathe, alright? Nice and slow, 'kay?" You guide him through the initial shock, nodding together slowly as he takes deep breaths. "There you go. I'm gonna start moving now, okay? Don't worry if you cum early, and just tell me if you need me to stop." You say softly, keeping things light and low-pressure. The last thing you need is him worrying about his performance.
"Okay." He breathes, chest shuddering as you start to ride him. You lift yourself up, almost letting him fall out altogether, and come back down at the same pace. You do this a few more times, gradually picking up a bit of speed.
"That feel good, baby?" You ask him, rolling your hips as you set a steady rhythm.
"Yeah, so fucking good." Spencer huffs, feeling close already. But he puts that out of his mind, focusing instead on enjoying this with you. "Do you feel good?" He asks, needing more than your vulgar moans as confirmation.
"So good, Spence. You fill me up so well, I'm so fucking wet for you." You admit these lewd thoughts to him, no stranger to being vocal during intimacy with him. Reid enjoys it immensely, adding words to the actions just makes everything astoundingly better. "Tell me how it feels to fuck me, Spencer." You say through a moan, riding him a little bit faster now.
Spencer groans at your increased speed, doing his best to hold back his orgasm. "I-It's exactly what I'd always hoped it would be." He starts. "I can hardly find the words to describe how much I'm enjoying this right now. You've blown my mind to pieces with this perfect fucking pussy." His grip on your waist grows rougher, taking you by surprise. He's following his instincts, leading you with his hands as you bounce on his cock. His assistance punctuates every landing you make, your noises growing louder as pleasure builds inside you. "I can feel you making a mess all over me, fucking soaked." He says, marveling at the drenched patch on his crotch. Your arousal glistens in the light as it's caught on his coarse hair and pale skin. "It drives me crazy to know you're loving this just as much as I am."
"I am, baby. You're so deep, hitting all the right places inside me." You say, speeding up a bit more. Spencer's hands migrate to your ass, squeezing your flesh roughly as he continues to keep up with you. You're surprised he's lasted this long, oddly proud of him for doing so.
"Fuck, you're incredible." Spencer groans, getting dangerously close to the edge again. He'd tell you to slow down, but everything feels too good to stop. Instead, he tries to drag you down with him, starting with diving face first into your tits. His mouth nips and sucks at your flesh wildly, struggling to land where he wants with your ceaseless bouncing. The noises he makes are borderline animalistic, groaning and grunting against your chest.
"Jesus, Spence!" You can't help letting out a breathless laugh at his urgency, picking up on the fact that his end is closer than your own. "You wanna try to help me out?" You offer, eager to feel him take some of the control. He doesn't say anything, just nods and makes an unintelligible sound at you. He thrusts his hips up, following what his primal urges are telling him to do. It appears to be working, given the shocked gasp that leaves your lungs at his effort. He keeps doing it, his mind turning to mush more and more as he fucks into your cunt to meet you halfway. "Oh my god! Yeah, keep doing that." You pant the words out, clinging to him by the shoulders.
Reid grins against your flesh, still biting and suckling while he pounds into you over and over. He's doing it, he's really doing it. He's keeping control of himself, he's going to make it. "Feel so fuckin' good, gonna make you cum, gonna make you scream, I promise...promise, promise..." Spencer murmurs to you, vowing to not give up, even though his balls are screaming for release right now. He has to get you there, if it's the last thing he'll ever do. "Such a perfect pussy, so good for me, so, so wet, fuck-" He groans when your walls constrict around him a bit, almost making him blow his load entirely.
"Don't stop, baby, you can do it, fuck me, make me cum, please, Spence..." You plead as your orgasm builds near the point of toppling over. His filthy mouth and feral actions have set you on fire from the inside out. You knew sleeping with Spencer would be special, and intense. But this is an entirely new level. His craving of you has blocked out all else, leaving him only with the mission to chase release. His, and your own.
"Oh, god, lay down, lay down, I'm gonna cum, gonna cum..." Spencer babbles, attempting to push you over onto your back. You follow his lead, his cock still sheathed inside you as you let him lead you where he wants. As soon as your body hits the mattress, he proceeds to ram himself into you as hard and as fast as he can.
"Fuck! Spencer!" You cry out as he hits an entirely new angle inside you, your ass resting over his knees as he thrusts forward. His hands grip your hips so hard, sure to leave dark bruises once he's through with you.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, gonna fill you up, gonna cum deep inside this pussy..." Reid grunts, sweat slicking him down, stomach clenching as he's about lose it.
"Keep going, baby. Don't stop, I'm almost there. Cum for me." You whine as his cock slams into you again and again.
"Fuck!" He nearly shouts when he finally feels it, his balls tightening, bliss washing over him, his hips stuttering as he fills you with thick ropes of white.
All you can do is bear witness as Spencer cums, harder than he ever has in his life. His brows knit together, mouth falling open as he moans so fucking loud. He keeps slamming his cock into you, hoping to pull you down alongside him. Feeling his load spill inside of you, as well as his desperate thrusts sends you tumbling over the edge. "Oh, god! Spencer!" You cry as your orgasm rips through you mercilessly. Your pussy clenches down on Reid's spent length, making him gasp as he keeps thrusting to get you off. You thighs shake violently, stars blurring your vision, hands clawing at the sheets beneath you. It's the most beautiful thing Spencer has ever seen.
You both slowly come down from your high, soaked in sweat and totally spent. Spencer carefully pulls out of you, though you still wince a little. "You okay?" He asks, noting your discomfort.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a bit worn out." You laugh lightly, crawling over to the right end of the bed to lie down. Spencer joins you, pulling the covers over you both and taking you into his arms.
"Sorry about that, I don't know what came over me." He says, a little embarrassed for losing control the way he did.
"It's okay, baby. More than okay, actually." You reassure him once again, stroking his damp face with your thumb. "I'm surprised you had it in you." You chuckle, and he does, too.
"So am I. I guess you...bring it out in me." He explains, and you nod in understanding.
"And I take that as a compliment." You say with a sleepy smile. "Did you have enjoy yourself?" You ask.
"Very much. Even more than I thought I would." Spencer says earnestly, making your heart skip a beat.
"Me too, Spence. And I'm so happy you chose me to enjoy this with." You reply, leaning in to give him a tender kiss. This night has been the best one of your lives (so far), and you look forward to sharing many more moments just like this one in the future. Together.
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piscespetals · 16 hours ago
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summary: in which sevika becomes your boss at The Last Drop
content: this fic is another multi-chapter work! i hope you enjoy.
content warning for this fic: depiction of sa (this chapter only), blood, slight gore/fight scenes, cursing, sexually explicit content. pretty heavy topics to be honest, it makes a lot of commentary on how it's like to live in Zaun. since this chapter has an sa scene (very lightly detailed scene but still hints to it), if you would like to skip that part, there will be three asterisks (***) that indicate when the scene begins and when it stops so that you can do what's safer for you. sa will not be talked about alot in depth for the rest of the chapters, and i will give a content warning to chapters that hint or reference it.
word count: 3k
thanks for reading!
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Part One
When you are first hired at the Last Drop, it only takes 4 hours for Sevika’s name to circulate the building and make its way towards you. 
The first time you spot her, she is brushing through a crowd of drunkards, seemingly not wanting to be approached with an expression as hard as stone. The tall woman, attractive and large as she may be, is intimidating. Her figure, although only in your line of vision for a few seconds, is something made of pure muscle and height. You know that she could easily tower over you if she wanted. 
Despite her quick and fast entrance, it only takes your first day to realize that Sevika isn’t someone that you fuck around with. And based on the way that your coworkers and supervisors tense at the mere mention of her name, it’s obvious that she’s someone important here.
Throughout your first month at the Last Drop, any other appearances of Sevika is no different. Her steel cold stare could freeze anyone to death. You’ve seen her drag people upstairs only for them to never come back down (who knows what she or Silco did with the body?). You’ve seen the way she dominates the deadliest men–how she doesn't let them silence her. 
How she challenges them…
You've also seen the way that your coworkers have gotten their heart broken, hoping to be the one-night-stand turned lover that changes Sevika’s promiscuous ways. And every time, your coworkers end up heartbroken. Gender doesn’t really seem to matter with Sevika. She’s ruthless with everyone. She’s mean.
And, God, you really hate how much you like mean women.
At first, you thought it was amusing to be pining after her. It isn’t surprising, since you've had your fair share of passionate romances (and heartbreaks) with people similar to Sevika. Like a moth drawn to a flame, you can’t seem to stay away from them.
But now it’s been over a month and you can't help but wonder when the crush will dissipate. At this point, it's entirely inconvenient.
You've managed to keep yourself out of the limelight for the majority of your time at the Drop. You’ve found your rhythm by staying in the kitchen, away from the wandering eyes of questionable strangers. Away from Sevika.
But that only lasts for so long.
Amy, your boss, manages to shatter your Switzerland bubble on a Thursday evening at noon. It’s exactly the last thing you want to hear: “I need you to swap schedules with Janessa,” Amy barks.
It isn’t a suggestion or question. It’s a demand. 
Your mouth opens to object, already feeling that familiar pang of agitation within you. But Amy doesn’t hang around long enough to hear. 
“Thanks!” She calls over her shoulder, briskly walking behind the counter and towards the kitchen.
Your teeth grind and your jaw clenches. With balling fists, you stand there for a few more minutes. Trying to simmer down. Trying not to get fired.
You cook. You make new recipes. You may even help the dishwashers every once in a while (especially on nights that are packed). 
But you don’t buss and you don’t wait. That’s Janessa’s ballpark. She’s known as one of the best waiters in town. Her reputation followed her as she hopped in between different restaurants before landing at The Last Drop for good. She’s usually quick, efficient, polite but not too polite (no one ever could be considering the kind of people that this job attracts). 
The idea of Janessa swapping places with you in order to cook an overwhelming amount of food under the pressure of constant verbal abuse? That doesn’t sound right. 
Well, it doesn’t sound like something she would willingly do.
“I tried to help you out,” Max, your coworker, whispers. He clicks his tongue while washing down the countertop of the bar. You forgot that you were holding a conversation with him before Amy interrupted. “I overheard her talking to Nessa about it and offered the swap.” Max blinks through his thick lashes, which are covered with clumps of purple mascara, before he makes eye contact with you. “The bitch told me I wasn't qualified. Can you believe it?”
You snort underneath your breath, nearly choking at the idea of such a conversation happening.
Max—a petite curly-haired himbo with stunning hazel eyes and nails long enough to claw your heart out—most certainly isn't a popular bartender due to his skills. He has charisma, a charming personality and a smile that can make anyone stop in their tracks. He’s willing to listen to anyone that needs a shoulder to cry on (which is almost always every regular that comes here),  and he doesn’t mind sucking up to Amy as long as it means that he has full control of the bar. He’s been employed here long before Amy’s time, which you truly believe is his saving grace.
He knows the history, the neighborhood— the business very well.
But mixing drinks? Not his strong suit.
Seeing him out on the level ground with numerous tables to handle would be comical. A train wreck for sure, but definitely comical.
“Did she say why Nessa was swapping?” Self consciously, you peer at the rest of the pub over your shoulder. Everyone is seemingly out of earshot but it doesn’t hurt to be sure.
Max’s shoulders tense. He stops his scrubbing, right hand still holding onto his soaked disinfecting cloth as he sends you a sidelong glance. “Not my place to tell.”
The hairs stand up on your arms as you register his reply.
The sound of the entrance door opening is what shatters your reverie. Just like that, Max’s shoulders relax. A smile spreads across his face, this time not quite reaching his eyes, as he looks towards the door. “Welcome to The Last Drop!” He says, voice dipping into that flirtatious cadence you know all too well.
That is all he is going to say on the matter. You know Max doesn’t like gossiping about people’s shit. And your coworkers definitely have a lot of messy situations throughout their employment here. He wants no relation to any of it. 
You pick up on the hint, instead swallowing your curiosity and looking at the incoming customer. It’s one of the workers from the brothel across the street. She’s a leggy brunette with towering stilettos and a resting bitch face as cold as stone. She’s just as unapproachable as the last time you saw her. But there’s a spark in her eye when she regards Max. Based on her last few visits, you’ve grown to learn that she’s taking a liking to him.
“Well, that's my cue. I’ll leave you to…do your thing,” You mumble, fighting off a smirk. Max peers at you with a quizzical expression as you gesture vaguely to the bar around you. “Or whatever nonsense you do up here…”
“Hmph,” He rolls his eyes. “Shouldn't you be back there making shepherd's pie or something?”
“You mean working? Something you're not familiar with, I’m sure.”
“With a face card like this? I’m too fabulous to work.” He winks before gesturing towards his face. “A reality you're not familiar with, I’m sure.”
A laugh erupts out of you as you click your tongue. You’re walking towards the kitchen, ready to clock out for the day and finally rest, when you hear the lady of the night approach the bar. You believe her name to be Scarlett, and her voice is a low and silky murmur while she addresses Max.
When you glance over your shoulder, you can't help but notice the way her cleavage spills over her frilly corset top. Her braids are pulled into a bun on top of her head, eyes alluring as she peers at Max through thick long lashes.
Too caught up in all the glamor that Scarlett is, you walk right into a nearby wall (because that is unfortunately what happens whenever beautiful women are near you). 
Max and Scarlett immediately glance at you. Max, with that all-knowing smirk, and Scarlett's raised eyebrow is enough to make you want to dig yourself a grave.
But you don't. Instead, you clear your throat, apologize and shuffle to the kitchen with haste.
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The air is thick with cigarette smoke.
That’s one of the reasons why you hate waiting. 
You don’t mind occasionally working in such an atmosphere. After all, you are one of the few chefs that regularly make an appearance everyday. So you’ve grown accustomed to walking through the boisterous crowds of smokers and drunken belligerents before and after your shifts.
But then, for the rest of the shit, you usually find solace in the kitchen—swallowed by plates and dishes and food and ingredients—which is more your forte.
“Hey pretty lady,” A bald, greasy buff man grumbles. His eyes are set on you yet simultaneously far away. Out of focus. “I’m getting hungry. Why don't you come over here and serve me?” Then he winks with a shit-eating grin that makes you queasy.
“You're not in my section,” You reply dryly with a shrug. “But I'll let Dylan know that you're ready to order.” 
“I don't want Dylan,” His eyes linger on your chest, before trailing down your entire physique. It's almost as if he allows his entire train of thought to become visible for everyone to read. 
Your teeth grind as you quickly scan the room once more. Dylan said that he was stepping out for a 5 minute smoke break 40 minutes ago. 
There's a part of you that doesn't want to give in. You don't mind being the one coworker that won't take on more tables than absolutely necessary. Especially when you were voluntold to switch job roles with someone you barely even know, and without even being told why.
If it wasn't so hard to find a job lately, you're pretty sure Amy’s management within itself would be enough encouragement for you to quit. But you really, really need the money. Despite the toxic work environment and occasional harassment from drunk citizens, this is the closest you've come to financial stability in years. You can’t afford to fuck it up.
A heavy exhale leaves you as you shift your feet. “Have you had a chance to look over the menu?” You ask, eying the man with distaste.
His grin widens. “No. What do you suggest?”
“Well, we offer a lot of stuff really. If you're in the mood for something more fulfilling, we have different stew dumplings. I'm not sure about your allergies though, most of the stews here are made with—”
“Surprise me,” Then he gives you another once over.
There is a part of you, a small part, that's tempted to reach across the table and rip out his eyes. You hate the feeling you experience when men unabashedly undress you with their eyes; especially when it’s from creepy old men. 
Even more so when said men don't know how to respect boundaries.
But you ignore the idea of doing such a thing. Instead, you turn on your heels and walk away.
Or, at least, you try to walk away. 
***
A tight grip wraps around your wrist, pulling so abruptly that you nearly fall over. It happens so fast that you barely register it. A breath, hot and pungent with liquor, travels across the base of your neck before meeting your nose. “You didn't ask me if I wanted anything to drink.” The man adds, voice low and gravelly.
Then more is happening...
And that's what makes you snap. 
Within seconds, you're reaching for your knife, which you had previously placed inside the pocket of your apron. 
A fire courses through your veins as you retract the blade.
“What the fuck!” The man yells, letting go of your wrist. He presses a palm against his right cheek, which now has a wide gash that is gushing with blood.
***
You don't give him time to say anything else. Your elbow comes in contact with his throat, jabbing his windpipe with as much force as possible. He staggers from the impact, landing with his back on top of the table behind him as he gasps for air.
Your knife, now dripping with his blood, digs into his chest. You hold it there, watching him wince when you apply pressure.
“If you ever so much as breathe in my direction again,” You mutter darkly. He’s squirming uncomfortably, a pool of blood soaking through his shirt as your knife continues to pierce his chest.
The pub has grown eerily silent and the heavy weight of countless eyes begins to register.
“I…I-I,” The man underneath splutters in shock. Beads of sweat gather around his forehead as he peers up at you through a cloud of fear. Thirty minutes ago, you’d have been surprised to find him roughed up by someone half his size, especially considering how large his biceps are. 
But then again, The Last Drop seems to be filling up with tons of useless goons nowadays.
“We’ll deal with him.” The voice that breaks your reverie is unrecognizable—feminine and raspy. 
That's when your head snaps up and you realize just how tense the atmosphere has become. Many citizens watch you silently, some mouths ajar while others look ready to egg you on. It's never really a typical Friday night at this place without people trying to drunkenly fight each other.
It's rare, though, that  employees become the main culprit.
Something moves closer to you—a person. “Hey, it's alright. I-”
Still on edge, you're quick to react. You inhale sharply, grip tightening around your knife with reflexes that feel like second nature.
A low growl fills the air, the sound of metal colliding with metal following soon after. Then your blade is being knocked out of your hand, something powerful grabbing both of your arms.
A flash of grey, the smell of cigarillo. Warmth. Undeniable warmth.
“Woah, it's just me." The voice is so close, yet so far away.
"Look-" Then... "Maxwell, I need you to come and help." The voice speaks again. This time even firmer. A woman’s voice. 
When your vision adjusts, you lock gazes with a pair of stormy grey irises. They're merely inches from yours, peering down at you with a gaze that is steady. 
That's when you realize that you can't move because she's practically towering over you. Holding you.
It’s Sevika.
You must have tried to attack her, clearly caught off guard. Surely, you hadn't meant to. For a split second, you lost it and now here she comes, seemingly out of nowhere. It was merely a reflex—a fight or flight response.
“It's me. Sevika," She announces, voice sharp as if she's trying to to speak through a wall. "I'm having them take him upstairs. He’ll be dealt with,” She repeats, almost as if it's a promise. She searches your eyes, grip loosening around your arms, “I’ll make sure of it.” She adds. Despite her expression being made of steel, there's something that flickers in her eyes. It appears only for a millisecond but it's glaring enough to somehow recenter you.
Her shoulders appear to relax when you start to feel present in the room again.
She waits for you to reply. And waits.
And waits.
And waits some more.
Then, “I can handle myself,” Is all that you manage to say. 
She stares at you for longer. You can see the gears in her brain shifting, but you aren't exactly sure of what to anticipate next, or even how to accept the fact that you just tried to attack your boss with a pocket knife.
“I’ve got her,” This time, the source is coming from someone familiar. Max. “It's okay,” He whispers, drawing closer. You feel him before you see him. The tips of his claw-like nails brush against your shoulders as he gingerly grabs a hold of you. 
Only then is when Sevika breaks your gaze, this time turning to Max. “Staff lounge.” The brute woman orders. 
“I’m fine.” You counter. 
The edge in your voice says otherwise.
“...Then I need you to grab Amy,” She continues, completely disregarding you. “I would like to know why we have a chef waiting tables during the busiest rush of the week—”
“I don’t need to go anywhere,” You press, voice raising a few decibels.
Sevika jaw’s clenches, icy eyes flickering towards you. “You nearly decapitated someone. You—”
“...I have four hours left. I will leave when my shift is complete.”
Her nose flares. “Lounge. Now.”
Before you can reply, she’s turning on her heels and walking away.
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Unfortunately, Max agrees with Sevika.
It’s apparent in the way he immediately grabs your shoulders after her departure. Every citizen seems to be watching the entire escapade because this is the quietest you’ve ever heard the pub be during a rush hour.
“I’m fine!” You hiss, frustrated by the whole ordeal. You are perfectly capable of defending yourself. You don't need staff members to coddle you. “Seriously.”
Max doesn’t reply, merely huffing underneath his breath as he guides you past the bar and towards a back hallway that leads to another room. 
When the two of you have reached the lounge, he finally says, “You're shaking.”
Your eyebrows furrow. “What?”
He leans forward, grabbing both of your hands,“ You're shaking.” He repeats, looking at you dead in the eyes. That's when he lets go and you peer down at your palms.
A frown spreads across your lips at the sight of your trembling fingers.
“You nearly killed the guy,” Max continues. “Where did you learn to fight like that?”
“It was only self-defense.”
“I'm not saying you were in the wrong,” A flicker of worry meets Max’s eyes. “That asshole deserves everything you did to him, probably more, But,” He winces. His gaze trails off to a distant place behind you. “Chef’s don’t usually do what you just did.”
Before you can reply to Max, the door flings open. In walks the petite redhead that you instantly knew to be Amy. She’s light on her feet, eyes alert and face flushed. At first, you’re surprised to see her in such a state. 
Shortly, though, Sevika enters the room. Then it all makes sense.
Sevika’s domineering in all aspects and has a ferocious air about her that can make anyone feel...tense. 
You thought she was the last of it, but another pair of footsteps walk-in behind her. 
“S-Sorry,” The person stammers, side stepping so they can scurry around Sevika and find a chair to sit in. The person is Dylan.
“This won't take long,” Sevika announces. She seems annoyed, not even looking at anyone else in the room. “Starting tomorrow, nothing about tonight will be brought up again. Now, Amy.” She turns to Amy, who instantly shrinks in her chair. “Why wasn't Janessa on the floor tonight?”
There's a beat of hesitation before, “She's working the kitchen now.”
Sevika’s nose flares. “If you moved her because of last week, I want you to think over your explanation very carefully.”
Another beat drags. Amy blinks. She gapes. She blinks once more. Her cheeks are tomato red at this point. “I-”
Sevika presses on. “Did Silco somehow change his mind?” 
“...No.”
“So you deliberately went against Silco’s orders and switched Janessa to the kitchen. Meanwhile,” Sevika’s eyes flicker to you. Your stomach lurches. “You make our only competent chef work the floor, after I told you that she isn't up for debate. And you expect me to show you mercy?”
Amy doesn't answer. She's on the verge of tears, which shocks you.
Amy is a bitch.
She’s known for brutally reaming people for simply breathing wrong. She doesn’t hold back and she doesn’t mind doing it in front of customers either. You know her to be stone cold. Heartless. Void of compassion and depth.
You never thought that you’d see the day where she’d get her ass handed to her.
Sevika turns to you, face filled with hard lines and calculating orbs. She stares at you for a few moments. You don't quite understand if she’s sizing you up or mentally chastising you. But you wait for her to fully collect her thoughts.
“If anyone touches you like that again,” She slowly begins, voice low. “You do what needs to be done. Whatever that means to you. Do you understand?” 
Your muscles freeze at her words.
No questioning? No reprimands?
“You aren't mad?” You clear your throat.
You were fully expected to get reamed for tonight.
Sevika raises an eyebrow, “Do you want me to be?”
Heat spreads across your body. You don't answer her question, deciding to move on. “Does Silco know about tonight?”
She grows more perplexed, “Do you want Silco to know?”
In the corner of your eye, you watch how stiff the rest of the staff members become. The room is so quiet that you nearly hear a pin drop.
It’s obvious that Silco finding out about this would cause a shit show.
Sevika takes your silence as an answer. 
“None of this will be mentioned again after tonight.” She breaks eye contact and turns to the rest of the room. “Is that clear?”
Everyone nods.
“And Dylan?”
Dylan jumps at the sound of his name. “Huh? I mean, yes? Y-Yes, ma’am?”
“If you disappear for that long again, you won't have a job to come back to.”
“Yes, ma’am. I-I mean,” Dylan blinks with swimming eyes. “Sorry.”
Sevika chooses then to shove her human hand into her pocket, glancing at you once more. When she retracts it, you notice that there is something shiny and silver that she's holding.
Your knife.
Silently, she holds it towards you. 
When your feet stay planted—brain struggling to process everything that's happening—she exhales heavily, evidently becoming impatient.
Clearing your throat, you force yourself to close the distance. You grab your knife, knuckles grazing her palm, which ignites a static shock. Your fingers jump away from her instantly. If the skin contact startled her, her face doesn’t give it away.
“Thank you,” Is all that you say. You hate how vulnerable you sound.
She merely nods. Then, “He's upstairs, by the way. Definitely suffering from what you did to him but not harmed any further." She pauses, rubbing her lips together. "Did you want to come upstairs? It's your call on how you would like him to be handled."
You eyes widen at the realization.
She took him upstairs to do god know what (everyone knows that if Sevika takes you upstairs for any other reason than discussing business, then you probably aren't coming back down). You'd never thought she would include employees in such a thing.
Even with a matter such as this.
"I'll give you ten minutes to think about it," She continues on. "If you decide to come upstairs, he'll be waiting. Otherwise, go home. Tomorrow you'll return to the kitchen.” Then she turns on her heels, adding, “Amy, I expect your desk to be cleaned out by midnight.” Before she walks away. 
In the midst of her departure, your eyes begin to burn. 
Max and Dylan are already stepping out of the room, completely shaken up by the entire situation.
Being reprimanded by Sevika is never on anyone’s bucket list.
You idle there for a while, letting all of the events replay in your mind as your muscles start to unspool. Fidgeting with your knife, you allow the blade to extend. That’s when you notice that his blood has been cleaned off and your blade sharpened.
Amy wails pathetically while curling into herself. 
Her cries are nothing more than brown noise at this point. You're too preoccupied by the hammering of your heart, and the way that Sevika’s words have tattooed themselves onto your hippocampus:
If anyone touches you like that again, you do what needs to be done.
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"If a night of passion is on offer.." It's ok to take it.
I think some passion flower would do nicely for this pot of thought. Does Astarion really want a night of passion or is he people pleasing? Lets steep on it.
WARNING: Game spoilers and talk of S.A..
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Hmmm...to be randy or not to be randy. That is the conundrum.
This is not fact, is just opinion based off my own and game experience. As always, how anybody cannons their relationships or behaviors is perfectly right! No blame, no shame, it's your game!
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I have seen a lot of comments expressing anxiety about whether or not Tav should accept Astarion's proposal for sex in the grave yard.
"Given his past, I'm just not sure he really wants it."
"Is he just doing it because now that Caza..MF is dead he thinks I will leave now that the task is done?"
"Is he feeling insecure in his new freedom?"
"Is it too soon for him to be sexual after so much trauma for so long?"
"Does he mean what he is saying? Or is he being funny?"
I was one of those people. But now that iv had time to ponder it..
One thing to keep in mind is that most (I wont say all) S.A victims can, in time, start to enjoy sex again in safe, secure situations.
Treating them like they are fragile and tip toeing around them isn't fair. It doesn't help them build resilience or help them find a way back to a healthier relationship with sex.
If they are offering, trust them to make that choice.
Lets say you had a bad experience with swimming. You are scared of the water now, but you still love the ocean. You could forsake the water forever, and some do and that's a perfectly right choice, or you find small ways back to it.
Sit by the edge and watch the tide. Chase the tide out then let it chase you back in. Dip just your toes in the water. Then your hands, then your legs etc etc . Until one day you are back in the ocean.
It's the same with sexual interaction. Small steps to build your emotional strength back up.
That's not to say they wont still have pre or postcoital dysphoria from time to time, (fear of drowning) but it does get easier as time goes on. The more the experiences end in happy memories instead of tragic ones, the easier it gets.
So, does it show a lack of empathy to sleep with Astarion in the grave yard?
Nope. I think he actually does want to connect with you sexually.
Why?
Because of the dialogue you have regarding offering him the Astral-Touched tadpole. He says no. Then says...
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"I had nothing for so long. Nothing. Not even my own body. I will NOT give it up, now it's mine again."
His face is one of complete conviction. He alone, controls what happens to his body. Who gets to use it, what happens to it, when it happens, where it happens and why it happens. Period.
This happens before you reach the city. Which means se has already regained the ability to say "no" long before graveyard.
Even if you chose to convince him to sleep with you after he asks you not to in his confession, he still asserts the boundary. It may be after the fact, and he leaves you, but it's still there.
So it wouldn't make much sense for him to suddenly back track and start offering sex as a means to manipulate Tav now.
Also, he is not using his "I'm lying out my fangs" face or his "I'm gong to literally seduce the pants off of you" face.
Mask of Lies Mask of Seduction
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So, with those two things in mind, and I'm sure there are more, fast forward to that fateful night in the cemetery where he says he wants you to seduce him and...* insert suspenseful music*
BEHOLD!
When he says "If a night of passion is on offer, I could be persuaded" his face is almost exactly the same as when he says "I love you, I love this. And I want it all".
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(and there was much rejoicing)
He is not pulling the faces that he uses when he lies or seduces. Which means the offer is sincere. You have, through repetition and consistency, proven to him that you care about him because of who he is to you. Not because of what he can do for you. Which was what he wanted. You are a safe space. "I feel safe with you. Seen." And for our affection starved elf, that's got to be a total turn on.
Also, with Cazador dead, he can let go of the subconscious fear of you being destroyed in some way if he sleeps with you.
He can make love to you with all the feelings he's ever had to repress involved. And for the first time in 200 years, not have the fear of it being ripped away any second, or being punished for it, by that monster or himself.
Here, on his new birthday, where his new life starts, he choses to experience you.
So put the doubt down and go get some grave dirt in places it shouldn't be.
And get some saucy elf in places you want him to be.
But, a graveyard? Really?
Why not? Where else would be more appropriate to have a "little death" with someone? *wink*
Or it could be that fact that your bedroom has more people in it than a clown car. Needs must..
Oh, but do keep a look out for Gracie, the grave yard guard. She has a low tolerance for mischief.
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zorbik-guligan · 3 hours ago
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Not really sure what incongruous means so I'll look it up after but it does feel like as i get older life gets more complex theres more things i understand now that sure i knew about them before but not in great detail but it feels like I've become so fucking complex as a person that if i tried to explain what i actually think and feel it would just overwhelm a person so i try and section myself off into pieces and just use different parts of me with different situations or people and it may just be because ive spent most of my time these past 2 almost 3 years now alone with nothing to do but think and figure myself out that when im asked what i think about something slightly personal its kinda hard to say it just got lost in my head somewhere and that whatever i think will change at a moments notice like i can bring up memories of lots of things and remember nostalgic times but i spent so long thinking about why i feel a certain way or what makes me feel a certain way in order to try and get a better hold of myself that ive kinda forgotten alot of my past like so many memories that i made are just gone because remembering them made me feel a way i dont want to feel like i remember realizing the beginning of 6th grade that i had completely forgotten 5th grade and the reason why was because that time i had was so nice yet not at the same time my brain just frogot because it didn't want a reminder of how good yet not something can be like great teachers who for the first time ever actually seemed to care as far as i could tell class mates who were generally friendly and occasionally checked on me if i seemed off yet i felt so alone cause nobody there really seemed like a real friend like the friends i had before who even when we were in deep trouble wouldn't rat me out and would stick with me who genuinely cared and missed me if i was sick getting older and not having anyone to socialize with for really formative years off my life has made understand those really old dudes who are nice and always up to make friends but just seem extra lonely for some reason despite knowing so many people i guess technically being that alone did hurt me but i kinda learned that im just not alone ever when im outside theres always some squirrels birds or plants nearby that make it more lively its why ive grown so fond of certain forested spots they are always lively and it feels like hanging out with all my friends its also why i enjoy making things like with metal or wood stone or even writing and painting those things feel alive in a way same with music and having time to think so much has made me reflect and realize that no day is the same and even when something changes something else stays the same or gos back to how it was in a weird cycle like growing but remembering where you were growing older for me anyways is like gaining more skills and more knowledge not just on the stuff around me but on myself too obviously people change sometimes pretty quickly too but getting older makes you learn more about yourself which duh that how life works but still it feels weird to be aware of it at 17 when it feels like i should still be trying to figure out my favorite youtuber or something not contemplate who i am as a person and what makes me feel the way i do but its a good kind of weird and theres always more to learn and find so i still have plenty of room to learn more about myself still not being able to really fully let a person know you kinda sucks but to be fair that is a rather special thing its also nice being able to put into words why i feel a certain way so that i can actually explain myself instead of just going quiet cause i dont know myself that well still kinda funny to know your own problems but not be able to jusy fix them when you know its a very deep problem even when it seems surface level and damn i got kinda personal there woops also just noticed that im shaking so might be overwhelmed remembering 5th grade which is probably why i frogot it or at least thought i did
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anybody else feel that being human is like being a long-time syndicated cartoon character watching the world get more complex while your own design stays the same until youre incongruous with the reality around you??
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goingmerryfics · 23 hours ago
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Hello, could you please do mihawk, benn, Rayleigh and shanks x f reader who is a lot younger? (like early 20s)
Younger S/O - Shanks, Mihawk
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Content: female reader, age gap, younger (but not minor ofc) s/o
Notes* Hey! So I tried a few times to write for Rayleigh and Benn, but I just don’t know their characters like that- so here's the two I know I can do! I apologize for it being a little shorter than normal, I opened up requests and then immediately got cursed with writer's block again
Shanks
Shanks definitely does not look his age, so when you’d spotted him at the bar all those years ago, you had no reservations about flirting with him
He was totally into it, too. A young, pretty girl showing interest in him? Hell yes
At first, it was a simple fling. But then Shanks continued to return to your island again and again, seeking you out over and over until it wasn’t just coincidence anymore
You two became a couple, but on the low. Shanks didn’t need any idiot bandits, pirate or marines targeting you to get back at him
In the beginning of your relationship with him, he was very careful about the power dynamic between you two
He was a powerful man and an older one at that, so he makes extra sure that during the time you two spend together, he takes care of you very well
Of course, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t tease you!
Around the crew or people he feels can take a joke, he calls you his sugar baby
You hate his dumb jokes, but you love him, and he loves you
Mihawk
Mihawk is the type of man that he doesn’t care who you are or where you come from
Age would not factor into his views of his wife. If he loves you, he loves you
While he’s not always the type to show that outright with words or constant physical affection, he prefers to show it with acts of service
Respect is his top priority as well- doesn’t matter the age. You will be respected and regarded highly as his wife
He’s a protector, but sometimes overly so. That’s where the age gap gets him- he often assumes that you need help or company with anything from household chores to a walk on the island (but to be fair, the island can be dangerous
He also likes to use old slang, which sometimes leaves you baffled as to its meaning
It’s actually pretty funny having to ask him what the hell he’s talking about when he says things like, “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush”
It’s one of the rare moments when you can watch him laugh, because the sheer confusion on your face amuses him
He gives you your own space in the castle as well. He values his own solitude at times, so he’s sure you want yours at times, too
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ireneaesthetic · 23 hours ago
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Pointing out little moments and details of the last yr scene.
wilmon endgame • episode 6
the camera work is so on point - it follows wille around moving frenetically, as to emphasize the hurry and the tension.
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simon gets in panic mode for a sec. he was never over wilhelm but definitely thought their relationship was.
at first he looks ... scared - not of wille but of what he feels for him at this point. he's still in love but they got to the finish line, they broke up with no idea of when or if they will talk to each other again, there's no reason for wille to chase after him if not to change something.
it makes his thoughts spiral, but somewhere in his little heart he has a lot of hope too and that's why he steps out of the car to hear what he has to say.
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these words really mean everything and i'm glad they're told directly to simon. it's such a sigh of relief for wilhelm to get this off his chest and mean it for real: he's doing something for his own sake finally - to be free, to be happy, to be in control of his own life for once.
he never got to choose anything - somebody else has always done it for him - but he no longer has to be afraid anymore.
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simon is just as relieved and the proudest: he proved over and over again to care so deeply. to see wilhelm constantly hurting inevitably hurt him too.
he knew wille was brave - he actually told him once - and he was so right. it takes a lot of courage to do what wille just did.
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shut up he's adorable :') playing with his fingers and trying not to break into a smile. he wants to look calm and collected but his heart is jumping out of happiness.
this comes after the are you sure you're over me? - breaking up was all it took for wille to think that simon must not love him anymore: to earn love and for everything to be perfect in order to deserve love is what his family and royal life always taught him - but simon's what the hell do you think? proves him so wrong.
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the tears in his eyes i cannot - this is the face of a man who's bursting out of love, he adores simon this much.
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they crush into the hug like they've been dying to do it. what a moment it must be for them to close the distance.
in this hug they find what they both were needing the most.
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they hold on to each other. emotions are so overwhelming and it's written all over their faces - it feels too good to be real.
it's almost scary to let go now and i love how they tighten the hug at the same time, clinging to make it last longer.
and they're at the same height so simon has to be on his tippy toes ahsjkh.
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oh the beauty in simon feeling every emotion to the fullest and letting them all out. he doesn't hold himself back and it is truly heartwarming to watch.
this hug is healing - he's giving joy to be back in wille's arms, proud of wille for putting himself first, relief because the fear of losing him was too much to handle.
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the single tear drop and the pure disbelief in his expression. he caresses wille's cheek and keeps looking at him like he's the most precious thing.
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doing the triangle method - again. old habits never die huh.
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wille letting simon choose to whether kiss him or not.
it's our simon we're talking about, the one that risked it all and initiated their very first kiss bc he liked wille that much already, so could he possibly not do that now? he obviously does and can't help but smile into it.
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they can't get enough of kissing and wandering hands. it's like their only way to make this become more and more real.
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fair to say they're kinda obsessed with each other's hair!
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love love looove the transition from them kissing in secret in the dark of the night to them kissing freely out in the open in the daylight - the most beautiful metaphor.
completely different plot points but the feelings involved are so familiar - reunion kisses are very much their brand: there's longing, passion, need to savor the moment to make it last.
and this time it can really last forever.
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something super special about simon not replying with i love you too but sticking to i love you - it is not just reciprocal.
this shot haunts me. it's from the documentary and idk why it wasn't used in the final cut, i'll make space for it here anyway!
wille can't stop smiling and simon never takes his eyes off of him - he's emotionally overwhelmed by the way he bites his lip and his chin trembles. my heart.
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no ray of sunshine between them could ever distract me from wilhelm diving into this kiss with his eyes open.
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simon is definitely being pulled closer by the waist here and i take it very personally.
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i was already full on sobbing when this part of the scene came up - sara and felice calling them out bc they are too caught up in their own bubble.
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they still take one more moment to just look at each other so fondly tho and try to get a grip on what has just happened.
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i get you wille! simon is the loml too.
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this shot is sooo!!! hillerska in the rear view mirror as they drive away - time for the last bittersweet goodbye.
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all of them are wearing white, they're driving off in a white car, most carefree than ever - sounds a lot like freedom and fresh start.
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some things never change - they're the most comfortable and happy when they can be just them, just like this.
god knows where they're headed but it doesn't really matter as long as they're together.
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wilmon endgame babyyyy.
they've been through so much but come so far eventually. it's the end of young royals but the beginning of a new chapter in wilmon story - the best one - and it's only theirs to write from now on.
it's still going to be tough, storms are still about to come their way and ruin plans, life is a mess but at least they have each other. they're holding hands in a we are in this together kind of promise and it's so reassuring to know.
it was a hell of a ride but love and hope wins - and there's truly no one who deserves it more than them.
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time to appreciate the comparison between wille the perfect crown prince and messy hair with undone shirt wille!
he looks at the audience for the very last time with the most content smile and we can tell he really is - ready. to leave us behind, to face the future, to experience life in the way we've seen him fight for before.
wilmon breaking the fourth wall together at the end would've been insane, but it feels so right to focus on wille actually: it's always been just him, it all started with our eyes on him and his journey, the choice to abdicate is for his own sake and not for simon - he said it himself - so for him to be alone in the closing shot makes the most sense to me.
wilhelm finally getting his own little family of people who loves and values him, simon sharing life with the person who's made him feel seen and cared for - this is honestly the best finale we could’ve ever asked for.
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weeping-statue · 3 days ago
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Oml I love your work sm, I’ve been reading you’re blog for a while and I’m obsessed 😭
If you end up having the time, may I request Naib, Ithaqua, Joseph and Richard—or just the first two if that’s too many! 🤍—with a s/o who was almost fatally injured in their matches and sort of comatose but eventually woke up? Feel free to ignore this if this is too much, thank you for your time~
Aww thank you so much my love<3 you’re so sweet!!! I didn’t really think that many people liked my stuff so it’s amazing to hear that they do! I try my best on these things and I hate when it takes me years to post something out.
I’m working on another fic that’s similar to this for naib so he won’t be included but I hope you’ll take Norton instead
Ithaqua, Joseph, Richard, and Norton with a fatally injured reader who finally wakes up!
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Basic background first before the good stuff<3
You were supposed be decoding, out of the way, and out of danger.
You weren’t supposed to take the hit. You weren’t supposed to be here.
It wasn’t fair when your body fell to the ground, blood splattering out underneath you into a pool of crimson liquid.
It wasn’t fair when he called out to you, and you didn’t answer, only to feel your pulse fading.
It wasn’t fair that he had to carry your limp body to Emily’s office in a panic, begging her to help.
And it wasn’t fair when she had said you might not wake up.
Ithaqua
He couldn’t sit by you the entire time you were in bed. It just reminded him of his mother.
He didn’t want to put himself through more with those terrible memories.
He’d visit you in the morning and at night.
Kissing you goodnight and kissing you good morning
Like some strange routine.
When he got the news you were awake he had dropped everything, but he didn’t run, he just had to make himself believe you were okay first.
He had to make sure this wasn’t some sick joke, and that he’d wake up in his bed only to be told you didn’t make it.
Stopping in the doorway, looking at you who seemed to be looking back at him with those surprised eyes, that beautiful smile he loved etched onto your face.
He knew after a blow like that there would be some damage, a large scar going from the side of your cheek and up to your forehead would forever be a reminder of his fuck up.
He feels terrible and sometimes it’s hard to look at you without guilt seeping in.
He doesn’t want to be like this but it’s his way of working through it.
He loves you a lot, he has dreams of marrying you and building a home far away. But now those dreams are plagued with the possibility that he’ll accidentally become the monster he tried to tell himself he wasn’t.
Joseph
Alcohol.
A lot of it.
Bottles and bottles of it by your bed side.
He refused to leave you. He couldn’t live with the fact he might of killed the only person he loved more than anything.
The only person that made this bearable. And they might be gone.
He would drink himself to sleep and he would drink the moment he opened his eyes.
Not a lot of people ever saw him cry, but now? Everyone did.
When he had a moment of soberness he’d look over and break down.
Joseph would barely shower, having to be dragged away from you and told to clean himself up, only to repeat that process.
During one of the times he was forced to bathe, he had stumbled back in, bottle in hand, only to be met with your disappointed gaze.
He knows how much you hated when drinks, and because of that barely touched liquor anymore.
“You said you’d cut back on drinking.” Your voice broke the silence.
Joseph rushed over to your side, falling onto his knees and sobbing. “Stop it. Now’s no time for lecturing. I thought I had killed you. I thought you weren’t going to make it. I thought you’d be like Claud, and leave me all alone again.”
Your hand makes its way to his cheek, “I’m okay. I’d never leave you alone, I promise. These things were bound to happen. But I’ll be more careful.”
He nodded leaning into your touch.
Richard
He’s fuming mad. And of course concerned.
He was made to do one thing, protect, and he couldn’t even save the one he loves?
“What bullshit.” He’d say through gritted teeth. Watching over your body, breathing raggedly. His hands smoothing out your hair to look nice with a not so gentle hand. He’s holding himself back.
He believes this is partially your fault. You should have been out of the way. Doing your job and letting him rescue.
But no, you had to disobey, you just couldn���t listen.
He’ll look like he doesn’t want to be there when his facade slips around the others, but he really does. He hates the fact that you have a terrible possibility over your head.
And he can’t control it.
He’d make sure you look stunning even in your condition. He’d brush your hair, and make sure you’re somewhat clean. Because when you wake up he’s going to want to kiss you, remind you of the way it should be.
When he’s informed by Emily that you’ve made a recovery, hes immediately speed walking towards your room.
He wanted to be the first thing you saw, but oh well. He’ll have you back in tip top shape soon.
“Richard!” You exclaimed, reaching your hand out to him.
He takes it, kissing the back, “___, my dear. You gave me quite the scare.”
“I know.. I shouldn’t have been so foolish but-”
His lips are against yours before you can finish. It’s passionate and deep with his feelings. You can tell how much he missed you, how worried he was.
“Foolish or not, you’re still here, with me. And that’s all that matters.” He says softly, loving yet serious eyes looking into yours.
Norton
Out of everyone, him and Joseph are the two absolute messes.
Joseph might be a bit worse with his drinking but Norton becomes violent and agitated.
He’s freaking out, shoving people out of the way with more strength than necessary just to get to you.
He wasn’t there to help, maybe, if he was you’d be okay.
The possibility’s are running through his head and causing him to become anxious and angry.
Fools gold is right there behind him. Sitting in a corner silently waiting for you to awake.
Fools golds matches are either quick surrenders or he’s chairing everyone immediately.
Norton doesn’t know how to comfort himself and doesn’t particularly want his hunter version to even touch him let alone tell him nice things so he’s just suffering until you wake up.
This man actually wouldn’t leave you, even if he was dirty because he’s been like this before. It doesn’t bother him.
He had watched you wake up, your eyes being blinded by the bright light of day.
He was silent until you noticed him,
“Norton-?” You began, but the minute you spoke he jumped on you. Holding you tightly.
“Don’t you pull this shit again. You.. don’t know how worried I was.” He mumbled into your neck.
A lot of apologies were given that day and fools gold was right behind you when Norton had to go.
He may not have liked his other self but he shared the same love for you like he did. And if playing guard dog for a bit would ensure everyone to be happy and safe, then sure.
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I fear I only like Richard’s..
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catis15 · 15 hours ago
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I'm in gen Z and I've got friends who think like this
I wasn't too sheltered as a kid or a teen so like I don't agree with some but I can see the reasoning. Though the asking to masturbate one is wild, like wtf dude that's just like... A weird thing to ask. Also thought it was like a canon event for some ppl to masturbate to like the idea of ppl they found attractive. I've never done that cuz yeah it feels really fucking weird like dawg I know that person, but ASKING is so fucking wild man 😭
And actors younger than 18 what's that about? If it ain't got sexual content I don't see the problem as long as like workplace abuse isn't happening because it's pretty common to my knowledge in the industry.
Like how am I on the other side of my own generations BS 😂😭 I think I should be grateful??
Don't think not smoking and drinking is a bad thing though lmao. But I know a lot of my friends and I were shamed for sex related stuff by our parents. I mean when I was i think 16 or 17 my mother went through *private* ifykyk messages and continued to shame me for things that were said for a month or so after, even getting my MUCH younger sisters involved by telling them "Leaf is doing nasty things' or "Leaf is doing things she knows she shouldn't" and then she'd directly quote things I said to my partner as a way to embarrass me. Kinda weird looking back on it but my mom's kinda fucked up lol
But I had a lot of friends with similar experiences. It doesn't really create a safe place for what are pretty normal feelings :/
But then on the complete opposite side we have shows like Big Mouth and sites like AO3 where it's a very normal thing to be horny and have kinks and it's not shamed, sometimes even encouraged. We grew up wack y'all lol
So lines had to be drawn SOMEWHERE and for a lot of ppl my age it gets to be a little much
Like I have a friend who hates like any sort of sexual reference to underage characters. Which is totally fair they're underage it's whatever. But it's to the point he gets like defensive about it. And he's the dude who's pretty steadfast in his beliefs, but it got to the point even i thought it was a little weird. Like sometimes he'd get mad about making out or slightly heavier relationships between minors, eich again I can see the thought process, but also ppl are having sex by 16 or 17, and it makes sense that characters those ages would be doing similar things. I grew up reading books where teenagers did teenager things, and I feel like there is a level of age appropriate stuff? Like no dawg don't make full ass bdsm shit for teens but I feel like referenced or even vanilla type shit is fine????
I don't have a license so I can't talk-
Working on it though ;v;
And yeah lmao masturbate it's good for you (no literally there are studies saying it's good to do lmfao, like drinking a single glass of red wine before bed once a night is good for you... Unless your a recovering alcoholic then maybe not)
Sorry went on like a whole tangent lol but I'm bored and wanted to throw my two cents as someone who's got friends who think like op mentioned but I... Don't lol.
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weird anti ideology finally leaking out into the mainstream
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