#but tired and i has shit to do tmrw
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u think obi wan ever tried to use the force to quietly get his lightsaber off cody's belt
ended up tugging cody along with it and my guy is like mid convo with another vod trying not to feel some type of way abt obi tugging at his belt
#cody with his bucket on starring at obiwan#codywan#it becomes a thing when obiwan wants his attention for othermatters iykwim#wann draw dis#but tired and i has shit to do tmrw#but think about it
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exhausted dot png
#i’m cishet neurotypical for the weekend right and i guess bc i was cishet half of the time just two short years ago i thought this would be#a lot easier than it is? like i underestimated how exhausting this would be#not to sound Like This but hanging with all of these protestants really is so different than the catholics. maybe bc i’ve been largely surro#unded by catholics so im well adapted to dealing with them lol idk.#it’s just. i accepted that the cousins wouldn’t accept me if they ever knew but my beloved beloved great aunt…..#my mom is so sure that she would accept me if she knew but i’ve been telling her i don’t know i don’t know now that she’s a protestant it’s#different…. and lo and behold every other fucking word out of her mouth is virulent shit#and idk what to do with it.#i love her too much to lose her over this (for now) but christ i nearly told her i was a dyke at lunch today just to get her to shut up abou#t trans people.#i have no desire for my family to ever know i’m genderqueer bc i don’t need them to know but eventually my aunt is going to need to know the#homosexuality and this trip has just emphasized how. man it’s gonna be shit isn’t it. no doubt to cling to anymore.#anyways i’m expected to go to baptist church tmrw morning and autism brain i kind of want to go just to see what it’s like but me brain i’m#just. so tired. and even if the transgenders don’t get brought up in the service i don’t think i want to go anyways.
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Summary of my week (it's Tuesday)
#personal#okay technically its wednesday but i dont think it counts just yet#anyways#how have yous been?#uni has been kicking my ass and i have been so fuckin tired as of late#just today i had a class from 4 to 6pm and dinner in the dorms starts at 5:15pm#we got back like just before they closed up#but i was so tired that i just. fell asleep and woke up at like 9#tmrw i have to wake up at 8 for a meeting for my group project in drama#and i do not want to#honestly#the funniest thing abt this meme is that like. all of this weird drama has just unfolded tonight#i just happened to be in earshot and now im somehow??? involved??? and also the catalyst??? of this shit???#im not saying anything#but just know#at one point there was a group therapy session#i wouldnt say im a gossip#but if ur interested in knowing...my dms r open 👀#but until then#goodnight yall#if u see me reblogging stuff after this no u dont ❤️
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bro
#i have never been so tired in my life 😭#i dont know if i can acc handle this adult shit cause literally just grocery shopping and a car dealership has knocked me out#like it is technically tmrw already and still have a lot of things to do for school what if i just drop out and go tf to bed 😭#“why didnt u text me back all day” man sorry *i* dont even know the answer#sky.txt#i mean i looked hot as hell today so that made it worth it but holy shit i cant do adult stuff ever again 😭
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I have been overwhelmed and perhaps overstimulated for the last 11 hours
#real shit#it has been SUCH a rough day#one of my little brothers has been screaming LITERALLY all day#sisters have been in various states of frustration and anger#and I'm the only one who isn't allowed to feel any type of way so I just have to deal with it#and tmrw I have to go back to work and I finished what I can do of the task I was assigned for tonight#so all I have to do now is take care of the dogs and then I'm hopefully going to go to bed where I can be alone and write fic to cope#until I'm tired enough to sleep#I have a strong feeling I'm gonna be writing angst tonight
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Death of me 🏹
w/c: 2.2K
pairing: kate bishop x f!reader
tags: 18+ smut. teasing, strap usage, sucking her strap, fucking, daddy kink, orgasm denial, somno mention
notes: my text series💔💔 could only save this one bc I actually wrote it down on wattpad</33
Y/n💕
whatcha doingggg
Katie💜
watching hallmark movies w lucky
Y/n 💕
ew-🤢🤢
Katie💜
why:(
Y/n💕
they're corny af
Katie💜
but but romance:(
Y/n💕
we can find you better romance movies baby...
Katie💜
Well what are you doing?
Y/n💕
nothing much
wanna see something?
Katie💜
sure angel<3
Y/n💕
:D
You quickly snapped a picture of yourself in a purple matching set with a white cardigan. You sent it and she immediately responded.
Katie💜
NOT AGAIN
FUCKING SHIT
speechless
Y/n💕
I love leaving you speechless <3
Katie💜
You won't keep getting away w this...
god you're killing me
Lucky is looking at me weird for groaning
I'm getting on my knees for you rn
Y/n💕
love the sound of that..
but I wanna see it fr
Katie💜
yeah really?
want me to come over huh?
Y/n💕
maybe...
I want your head between my thighs eating me out desperately like you always do and I wanna pull on your hair to feel you moan against me
Katie💜
that's what I wanted to hear
good girl
I'm coming over
Y/n💕
lucky????
Katie💜
he'll be fine
he already ate his pizza and I walked him
Y/n💕
Actually y'know what nvm
maybe tmrw
Katie💜
you're fucking joking right?
no no no no we're doing this tonight
Y/n💕
I'm tired
Katie💜
I'm tired:(
my ASS
THEN WHY DID YOU TEXT ME
AND SEND ME THAT PIC
you were not tired at all
Y/n💕
well now I am:(
Katie💜
you better be fucking joking
do you want me to beg?
Y/n💕
I wouldn't be opposed...
Katie💜
HA YEAH RIGHT
I'm five mins away
Y/n💕
??????
——
You were lying in bed when you sent that last text and you were petrified of the thoughts, ideas, Kate was thinking of right now.
You've been teasing her for days on end lately and she hasn't been playing too much with you because of it.
In general anyway.
But now, she was coming over.
Lord knows the things she has in mind now.
You took off the cardigan you had on and threw it on to your dresser before getting up and opening your bedroom door.
Excited but also anxious to see what Kate comes up with tonight. Or the type of mood she's in.
Giving or taking.
You plopped back onto your bed and calmed your nerves, laying down against your pillows and made yourself think she'd go easy on you.
Suddenly your thoughts are washed away when you hear the front door of your apartment open. "Oh you think you're so funny don't you?" Kate's voice echos through the apartment, waltzing in before making her way towards your room as you sat up and watched her.
You bit the inside of your cheek and gulped, the raised eyebrow was seen from afar and with just that you knew this wasn't going to go like you wanted.
She walked into your room wearing a hoodie and grey sweatpants, the bulge of her strap making a very noticeable indent that had you salivating. "C'mere, you tease." She says and you move to the edge of the bed.
She shakes her head and takes a step back, you hop off the bed, getting on your knees in front of her. You look at her crotch, her purple strap barely being visible through the light grey sweats she loves to tease you with.
"Look at you already acting like a good girl as if you haven't been bratty all fucking week." She mocks making you shiver, eyes still on her bulge.
"Look at me." She says and you bite your lip, slowing looking up to meet her pretty blue eyes.
She bucks her knees down a bit and brings a hand down to cup your cheek softly, the opposite of her tone when she spoke, "Tell me how desperate you've been for my attention."
She sounded so demanding, so bossy, so fucking hot.
You were unsure on if you should just keep up with the brattiness or not. Deep down you knew you weren't going to give her what she wanted.
That was too easy.
And you were technically already in some deep shit for the amount of teasing you'd been doing.
She promised some 69 last night and it didn't end up happening so you wanted to tease her again today.
Didn't work out as expected and now you didn't know how to play this.
Suddenly she pulls her hand away and snaps her fingers in front of your face, "Tell me."
You gulp and right there decide your fate and slowly shake your head no.
Her eyebrow arose again and her eyes went wide, nearly falling out as soon as you moved. "Ah so that's how we're playing it tonight huh angel?" She scoffs and moved a hand down her body, leaving it right on top of her bulge.
Your mouth watered and you watched with amusement and excitement in your eyes as she slowly started stroking it through her sweats.
You kept your mouth closed and your heart was racing just looking at her hand stroking her strap, the ultimate tease.
A silent rule to watch and that you weren't allowed to touch.
Mostly to see how long it'd take for you to break. Then she'd decide where to go from there.
An endless cycle from the amount of times you've had the urge to be bratty.
And it happened very often.
But she never complained. She secretly loved it if anything. She loved the so called "challenge" of testing you.
Seeing how far you could stick with your decisions before you beg for her to do something. Or let you do something.
Like right now where she could tell you wanted her cock. The way your lip trembled, eyes darkened, and the biggest indicator being how you squeezed your thighs together.
She wasn't going to break.
She never did.
If Kate was anything it was stubborn and in a situation like this, it always worked in her favor.
And you always broke.
"Kate please-" you burst out and she only scoffs, then clicks her tongue before speaking.
"That's a new score angel." She teases softly before bringing both hands on the waistband of her sweats and pulls them down.
Her cock springs up and you immediately put your hands on it but she shakes her head. "Stick your tongue out for me."
You open your mouth and stick your tongue out while letting go of the strap. She grabs it and smacks the tip on your tongue one time then again and again.
You flutter your lashes at her making her groan and tilt her head back. "God you look so fucking hot." She moans and looks back down at you.
"Gonna take my cock like the dirty girl you are, aren't you?" She murmurs and you nod.
You open your mouth and she thrusts her hips forward, making you instantly gag until she pulled back. She continued thrusting into your mouth but did it slowly.
She grabbed a fistful of your hair and made you take all of it until you were gagging on it again. You closed her eyes and felt her hands on the back of your head leaving no chance for you to escape but just accept your fate.
You take the entirety of her cock until she finally felt nice enough to let go of you and lets you pull away. A string of saliva dripped down to your chin then to your tits. "So fucking hot." She groans and wipes the saliva off your lips and puts her hand on her cock.
She strokes it, adding the saliva she picked up turning you on so much more than you were before.
You stick your tongue out and she slaps the tip on it again while you make direct eye contact with her.
"That's my pretty girl. So perfect and good when she wants to be." She coos making you squeeze your thighs together.
Your wetness seeping through your panties because you just couldn't help yourself.
"Let me use that mouth of yours angel." She murmurs before lowering her strap and placing it in your mouth.
You start sucking on it and stroking what you can't fit at first until you slowly but surely take all 8 inches. That's when Kate starts thrusting her hips forward purposely making you gag on it. You close your eyes and she continues, slow at first but then gradually increasing her pace.
She's moaning as she's fucking your face and you so badly want to see her face. So you open your eyes and look up at her, ignoring the tears that are forming and take the throat fucking she's giving you.
She looks down at you and her eyes rolls back. Her hands went back down to your head, making you stay still while she thrusts her hips faster.
The room is filled with the sounds of your gagging and Kate's moans and praises.
You not so secretly loved when Kate would do this, because she's definitely not forcing you, she just knows you too well to know how much you love this.
Suddenly she lets go of you and you take a deep breath before she quickly pulls you up from the floor and pushes you to the edge of the bed. She makes you lay down flat on your stomach with your feet still on the floor.
She lets go of you and takes a few second to admire you. Looking at the pretty purple lacy panties you wore with the matching bra, just for her.
Her hands go down to the thin waistband of the panties and slowly slides it down. You spread your legs a little and feel cold air against your slit as she brings it all the way down.
Your wetness completely drenched the panties and she didn't have the patience for more foreplay. You looked just about ready to take her and she desperately wanted to fuck you.
And she was luckily feeling nice and didn't feel the need to ask you to beg for it.
So she first rubbed the tip along your folds, wanting to lubricate it with your juices. She then slapped it from your slit and even down to your clit making you squirm.
"Fuck-" you moan and lift your ass up, desperately needing her inside you.
She then pulled back a bit and liked the tip to your entrance. At first making it seem like she'll take it slow and right when you were gonna complain about the torture she slammed into you.
"So tight for me huh pretty girl? Been needing daddy's cock?" Kate groans pulling out before pounding into you.
"FUCK — F-Fuck yes- yes daddy." You moan out and she moans, hands now gripping onto your hips while she thrusts her hips into yours.
"Dirty fucking girl." She groans and fucks you harder.
You let out a cry and nod your head. You bring your arms up and leave them in front of your face then place your head on them so she could hear your moans properly.
"Fuck daddy- always f-fucking me s-so good." You whimper making her moan.
"Sound so pretty angel. Just for me huh?" She purrs and you feel yourself clench around her cock.
"Only for you baby." You mumble and she starts slamming her cock into you harder.
You choked up and let out cries while she now starting hitting your g spot. "Holy fuck- oh god please-" you cried out and stuck your ass up.
Not even a second later her hand connected to your left cheek and you felt a hot sting before feeling it on the other side as well. "Shit!" You hissed then sighed when she massaged it.
"Taking my cock so well baby girl." She groans and smacks one cheek after the other.
"Fuck daddy." You cry and grip the blanket on your bed with one hand while the other is keeping your head up.
You felt that all too familiar feeling in your abdomen and you were trying your hardest to not fall because your legs were starting to shake.
It felt so good and it was like she hasn't done this in months but in reality it's only been a week maybe a little more but that was too much time without her fucking you.
Pure torture but all the brattiness paid off.
Until she stopped.
You whined and turned around when she pulled her cock out. "Kateeee-"
"You think you were gonna get rewarded for your bratty attitude all week? You're crazy." She says and smacks your ass again.
She then grabs your legs and helps you on the bed making you glare at her. She shrugs and gives you a face before she hops in next to you.
You were so fucking close and she just stopped????
What kind of psycho does that???
You faced away from her but that didn't stop her from first taking your bra off then from wrapping her arms around you.
You still felt her cock against your ass so you had a feeling she was plotting.
And oh was she.
She grabbed her cock and lined it up to your entrance making you gasp. "Maybe I should just cockwarm you all night... bet you'd love the feeling of being stuffed while you're asleep." She purrs into your ear and you felt goosebumps all over your body.
"Yes please- fuck please." You cried and she slipped it in.
"Maybe I'll move once you start falling asleep..." she trails on and you instantly closed your eyes.
"Do I have your consent?" She asks making you scoff.
"Absolutely- the least after what you did to me." You mutter and she smacks your thigh before wrapping her arm around your stomach.
#kate bishop x reader#Kate bishop#lesbian#bisexual#wlw#sapphic#kate bishop x y/n#kate bishop x female reader#kate bishop smut
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starlight revival arc?
BRINGING BACK STARLIGHT. BRINGIN THAT SHIT BACK BC I’M TIRED OF DALSEUM I’M SAILING AWAY BYE GUYS
um. because I think you would enjoy this somewhat tag @svwhssftr
I feel lowkey bad just tagging you in random shit but sometimes I forget. it’s okay for friends to talk to each other actually. it’s okay to like things and share them. it took me seventeen and a half whole years to realize that I think. cringe is dead. and you can literally just ignore this too that’s also a possibility bc I jus ignored your call bc I’m absolutely exhausted and I do not want any actual human interaction for the next week. I don’t want to return to school tmrw but I must. Sigh. Anyway NEW LORE YAY!
Starlight is one of my favorite projects I’ve ever worked on. probably second to reflections and closely followed by Seong and Adam’s dynamic in the original sv (nope I will never ever be over them ever. he was everything she never was to him and By God HE KNEW IT) but the aesthetics are All Over The Place. The plot is actually cohesive (if I trim some shit down) which is rare for me now. Nowadays I just slap shit down and say “there’s a plot underneath all of this unnecessary symbolism and descriptions of gaudy outfits I prommy!!” but NO MORE! NO MORE OF THAT
so we’re making the whole thing cohesive and changing the god-awful character names tonight
Let’s start with our main character, now named Indy
this name choice is still… idk. I’m torn between Indy and Robin… but I used to have a character named Robin so I’m not sure. though I feel like Robin is an objectively better name (coming from the bitch who names half of her characters after birds though) but I like Indy a lot in the sense of the story overall.
bc her original name was Azure (which is fine but I hate it… debating keeping it) but she was nicknamed Spade because of a spade-shaped birthmark on her shoulder. Keeping with the blue theme, I think her full name should be Indigo but she goes by Indy, and her husband (who is so goated we get to him later though) nicknames her Ace because of her birthmark.
ok onto the plot stuff we don’t gaf abt this bitch’s name
The world of Starlight has an actual magic system. Crazy stuff! I created a decent magic system that doesn’t involve stupid blood rituals and “just because this character is this character xyz can happen.�� (coughcoughRONNIEcoughcough) It goes a little something like this
Humans can be one of three things- cursed, charmed, or neither. Curses and charms are extremely similar, and they’re fairly common. I’d say 50% of the population has one of the two, with 75% of that 50% being “charmed.” Charms and curses are magical powers that a person can be born with at random. They’re often an omen for the personality of the charm/curse-holder, kind of like a zodiac. The only real difference is that curses physically harm the user when used.
There are four levels of charms/curses.
Level 1- Basically party tricks. They barely drain any energy from the user and can’t be used to cause major harm. Elio’s charm “light” falls under this category
Level 2- Majority of curses/charms are level 2. They take quite a bit of energy to perform, and they could do some potential damage. Can be very useful if harbored correctly. Archie’s charm “flora,” and Mari’s curse “ink” both fall under this category.
Level 3- Very risky and hazardous to use. Or ridiculously OP in the opposite direction. They drain enough energy from the user to knock them out for a few hours. Thorn’s curse “flame” and Rose’s charm “heal” fall under this category.
Level 4- By far the rarest type of curse/charm. This can change the trajectory of lives, and they can only be used a handful of times throughout the holder’s lifetime. Using it only once will sometimes cause death. Indy’s charm “starlight” and Hope’s charm “amore” fall under this category.
Charms and curses are signified by colored eyes. For example, Elio’s eyes are golden, Thorn’s are red, Hope’s are pink, etc. They’re not insanely noticeable. Just like… tinted.
Indy lives on an unnamed continent separate from anything else I’ve written. Their stories are kind of like folklore in the grand Lore universe. It’s separated into three currently unnamed parts- the north, which has a culture similar to Western Europe (France, Italy, Germany, etc.) and the south, which has lots of South and Latin-American influences, mainly Mexican. To the East is another kingdom full of mountains based on Northern Africa and Southeast Asian countries like Nepal and Libya. Indy is from a town near the border of the north and south regions, where the overall culture is similar to the 1980’s in style, trends, etc. Except racism and homophobia aren’t really a thing I feel like I get pretty deep into that in Dalseum already.
Indy Simon, whose family is mainly from the northern region, is dating her girlfriend Marigold Martinez, aka Mari, whose family is mainly from the southern region. They’re probably around 14-15 years old. Little baby high school sapphics. They get along really well. They love each other as much as two fifteen year olds can. They go on adventures through the woods and such. Average girlfriend things.
Until Indy accidentally activates her charm in a dream/vision-type-thing. Her charm physically shifts the position of the stars, which is essentially time travel because the rest of the earth shifts along with it. She sees her death at the hands of Marigold, shot in the heart on a balcony.
But young Indy is quite observant and crafty. She notices the patch on the chest of Mari’s coat is the seal of the southern region, and she notices the woman beside her corpse— her mother— is wearing one with the northern region’s seal. She overhears someone by Mari say “if the war wasn’t over, it’s sure as hell over now”
She wakes up in pure panic because WHAT THE FUCK?? WHAT THE FUCK
and what does she do next?? I know. But you don’t. I need to sleep. Tune in next time ig
#divider by cafekitsune#starlightposting#lesbians and time travel hell yeah bitch#and history… just wait… Just Wait…#shit gets craaaazy#it’s like a soap opera for mentally ill prestigious teenage dykes
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hi i don’t mean to be negative, i just feel helpless and need advice or to rant and i rlly like the way u explain things , so i’ve been manifesting since the beginning of school and i forgot ab her during our first semester of finals and she started texting me a lot and we basically got into a talking stage, then she stopped and i didn’t care cuz school ended yk? but then school started again and she didn’t text me at all or give me attention then i got into manifesting again, and she literally said my affirmations back to me and things were going so well with us , then it all stopped , and i didn’t spiral i kept affirming but nothing seemed to work , and like i kept manifesting nothings changed , and i was starting to panic since school was ending and she’s a senior!! and i wanted to get with her during school , anyways i kept affirming did sats had a mental diet and did legit everything and the 3d didn’t change which was embarrassing since my friends keep telling me to move on and that she’s not into me anymore ,😞😞, anyways school has now ended sadly, me and her haven’t talked or anything for like 2 months, and i really wanted to hug her before school ended too and she completely ignored my existence, i still want to manifest her , but we’re on no contact and last time i texted her she was rude to me, i feel like no matter what i do she won’t text me it’s annoying cuz i manifest and affirm and visualize and like decide i’ll have the text tmrw then i wake up and don’t see shit.
SORRY I WROTE SO MUCH I JUST HAVENT TALKED AB RHIS BEFORE CUZ I DIDNT WANNA BE NEGATIVE AND THINK ABOUT THIS BUT IM TIRED OF WAITING AND NOT SEEING CHANGE i’ll go back to ignoring the 3d i just would like some advice ty
I feel like you are obsessing over her. fulfill your desires in the 4d please, it will come at the perfect timing in the 3d you just need to relax. Don't look at the time, do what you love doing, and work on your self-concept because you are full without her, you are more than enough, you don't need anyone, and also start acting like you are in a relationship with her no matter what the 3d showing you.
#law of assuming#law of assumption#loassumption#loa#loa blog#loablog#loassblog#manifesting sp#affirm and persist#circumstance#cairoswrld#manifestation#manifesting#neville goddard#manifesation#self concept#master manifestor#law of assumption blog#manifestation tips#law of manifestation#edward art#mindset#imagination#states of consciousness#live in the end#wish fulfilled#it is done#desire#fulfillment#inner knowing
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pass that shit
synopsis: the true nightmare blunt rotation
cast: satoru gojo, suguru geto, ieri shoko
cw: marijuana usage, cursing, nword usage
a/n: me bullshitting for funzies, what’s new. wrote this high to fit the theme 😋
—
gojo
- hogs the blunt
- like REALLY hogs it
- takes long ass hits, got you wondering if his lungs are even still functioning
- rolls the best
- hungrier than a mf i swear bro, he gets munchies like no tmrw
- mf gets paranoid as all hell too and if you let it, it will def start to make you anxious
- nigga be talkin bout some
“who’s there???”
- like pls don’t start that shit 😭😭😭
- geto gotta tell him to chill cause he be tripping tf out
- will go on those psychological rants about how “we’re all on a floating rock”
- shoko be telling him to shut that shit up 😭
- brings some sort of cologne with him to try and cover up the smell cause he’ll be damned
- does some crazy ass food combos just cause he can
- after about 45 mins he’s ready to nap, mf be tired
—
shoko
- unlike gojo she knows how to share
- brings alll the booze cause she wanna get FADED faded
- lowkey fuels gojo’s paranoia to be a dickhead 😭
- asks hella questions
- girl be asking who created the concept of thinking 😭 like miss maam??
- has the prettiest bongs
- she can roll but she prefers not to bc it’s too much work and who’s really trynna do all that?
- always has the strong shit that gives you a body high
- eats all the snacks bruh like 😭 you’ll go and reach for smth just to find out her ass ate the rest of it
- she def starts singing out of nowhere and her and geto will dead breakout into song right then and there
- it be a whole duet up in there
- always brings a hoodie for you to get comfy in
- makes sure no one greens out 🙏🏽
—
geto
- brings the best snacks hands down
- cookies, chips, candies, brownies; sweet or savory he got it all
- prefers edibles cause he values his lungs
- but he’s also the same dude to be like “man this shit not hittin” and then eats the entire fucking brownie
- after 30 mins he’s GONEEE
- cotton mouth
- this mf always thirsty 😭
- smacks his mouth 50 million times
- laughs his ass off at nothing and he looks crazy ash
- then gojo starts laughing causes he’s laughing
- meanwhile you and shoko are just:
🧍🏽♀️🧍🏻♀️
- talks A LOT and says so much without saying anything like he trynna fill up a word count 😭
- keeps them eye drops on him 🙏🏽
- says the funniest shit ong, mf becomes a comedian as soon as he hits the blunt
tags: @megurulvr @honeybleed @jujuyii @chinieh
#saint laurent productions#jujutsu kaisen headcanons#jjk headcanons#gojo headcanons#geto headcanons#shoko headcanons
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BTS song inspo series | Jungkook - You are the reason by Calum Scott |
Warnings: angsty? Slight fluff at the end <3
Pairing: Jungkook x f!reader
Word count: 1.8k
A/n: so uh..got that out quick umm
I was restless and kinda couldn’t stop writing once I started..
I mean of course I did eventually cause like I got tired last night but y’know what I mean
Happy ending-ish! Yay!!
Also, like, I didn’t read thru it yet and I’m tired as fuck rn so I’ll do it tmrw
There goes my heart beating
‘Cause you are the reason
I’m losing my sleep
Please come back now
He said he would never hurt you. He told you he never would. He promised himself he wouldn’t.
He did.
He didn’t mean to.
He never meant to.
He hasn’t been right since that fateful day. That one, damn day. The one day he unknowingly broke your heart.
He furiously wipes at the tear that slips down his cheek. He shouldn’t be crying, he did this to himself. If anything you’re the only one who has the right to tears.
Not him. He has the right to beat himself up, to get in his head, talk himself down.
And there goes my mind racing
And you are the reason
That I’m still breathing
I’m hopeless now
He sighs frustratedly, running a hand over his face as he gets out of bed, heading out of his room and straight for his front door. He grabs his hoodie on the way, opening the door and closing it behind him, not bothering to lock it as he slips his hoodie on.
He starts walking to who knows where. Somewhere that’s not his house. The house he heard your laugh in so many times. The house that held so many memories of the two of you together.
He groans, running a hand through his hair as he blinks the tears away. He debates on calling you. Again. Knowing he will have the same outcome. It’ll ring, and ring, and ring, and ring.
Then it’ll go to voicemail.
Like every other time he called. He just wanted to talk to you. Tell you to do anything to him, punch him if it means you’ll talk to him. Cut an arm off if it meant you’d talk to him. Even if it’s just a single word.
He knows he’s probably being dramatic, but if that’s what he has to do he’ll do it. As long as he could tell you how much you mean to him, even if you choose not to listen.
He’d do anything to see you. To talk to you. Even if it’s just one more time.
I’d climb every mountain
And swim every ocean
Just to be with you
And fix what I’ve broken
Oh, ‘cause I need you to see
That you are the reason
He shouldn’t miss you. He knows he shouldn’t. He didn’t have the right to. “Fuck it.” He curses under his breath, slipping his phone out of his pocket and going straight to your contact. He presses call and brings his phone to his ear, pressing it firmly against it as he listens to the stupid. Fucking. Ringing.
It stops.
Earlier than it should have.
“Y/n?” He tentatively calls out, stopping dead in his tracks.
Nothing.
“Are you there?” He whispers, nervously toying with his lip rings. He hears an exhale from your end and presses his phone impossibly closer to his ear, his knees buckling in relief.
He leans against a nearby tree, his eyes sliding shut. “I thought I’d never get to talk to you again.” He croaks, slowly sliding down the tree. “You weren’t supposed to.” You say, your voice oh so cold making his heart clench.
“I’m sorry.” He whispers, “God I’m so fucking sorry.” He runs a hand through his hair as he blinks his tears away for the second time in 5 minutes. “That’s not enough, Jungkook.” He purses his lips, looking at his thighs. He picks at some imaginary lint before running his hand over his sweats.
“I know.” He eventually whispers. “Is that why you called? Why you won’t stop calling? Just to say sorry? Do you think that will fix shit, Jungkook?” You ask. “No.” He croaks.
There goes my hands shaking
And you are the reason
My heart keeps bleeding
I need you now
“Then why do you keep calling?” You ask. “I don’t know.” He answers truthfully, nervously playing with his shirt. He hears a sigh from your end before he hears shuffling then the faint sound of a door closing. “That’s not a reason, Jungkook.” You say. “I know.” He mumbles, a tear slipping down his cheek. “I’m sorry I was such an asshole. If I could go back and undo that mistake I would.” He croaks, sniffling afterwards.
And if I could turn back the clock
I’d make sure the light defeated the dark
I’d spend every hour, of every day
Keeping you safe
You keep quiet. “I’m sorry.” Jungkook mumbles again, a small sob escaping his throat. He tries to cover it up with a cough, but you heard it. You don’t comment on it but you heard it.
You both sit there for a moment.
Nothing but silence coming from both ends.
“I love you.” Jungkook mumbles, pulling the phone away from his ear and ending the call, letting his phone fall into the grass beside him as he cries.
He doesn’t hold his tears back for once.
He lets them come.
He doesn’t hold in a sob, just pulls his knees up to his chest and buries his head in his arms, sobbing into them.
He doesn’t know how long he’s been there for. Long enough for the sun to rise and people to emerge from their homes. He finally raises his head from his arms, wiping his runny nose with his sleeve and wiping away his tears.
He looks at his phone. He picks it up before he stands up, sliding it into his hoodie pocket, walking down the street.
He gets a few glances. Some with curiosity, some with sympathy. He doesn’t know how people can notice puffy eyes so easily, plus notice it’s from crying. But alas, they do.
He eventually finds himself at a park, sitting at one of the benches as he watches ducks swim in a pond. Oh he’s so tempted to jump in and never come back out. He doubts anyone would miss him. Maybe Bam but he’d have others.
He sighs, slumping against the bench.
He feels his phone start to buzz in his pocket but he ignores it. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone. He just wants to be left alone to his thoughts. He’s tired of people. He’s tired of himself. He’s tired of everything.
He groans, running a hand through his hair as he throws his head back, staring up at the sky. Why can’t life be simple? Why does he have to fuck everything up?
His phone starts buzzing again, yet he ignores it. Again. He doesn’t care why people keep calling him. He just doesn’t wanna talk to people right now. Maybe you. But only you. Only to try and convince you that he’d do absolutely anything to get you back in his life.
And I’d climb every mountain
And swim every ocean
Just to be with you
And fix what I’ve broken
Oh, ‘cause I need you to see
That you are the reason
As soon as the buzzing stops, it starts again. He takes his phone out of his pocket and sets it on the bench beside him, lifting his head up to look back at the pond. The ducks are still swimming around. Happily. Without a single worry.
He wishes he could have that.
Not have to worry about life.
That’s paradise. Heaven. Something too far out of reach for him. He sighs, moving to lay down on the bench, his eyes roaming the park.
There’s a few people here, not enough to make him want to leave, but still a decent amount.
He brings a hand up to rub his eyes, pushing himself off of the bench with a groan. He should probably head home before he falls asleep on a bench like a homeless person.
He grabs his phone, slipping it into his hoodie pocket along with his hands as he starts to walk back to his house.
He doesn’t know what he expected to see—probably nothing—but cop cars certainly were not it. “Jungkook!” A voice yells, a body hurrying toward him. He doesn’t have time to step back when he’s pulled into a tight embrace. The body starts to shake, something wet hitting his chest. He furrows his brows, about to ask who it is when someone else speaks, “Well, considering he’s returned, we’re going to be on our way and not file a missing persons report.” A cop says, coming to stand beside Jungkook and the mysterious person still hugging him.
“Missing persons report?” Jungkook questions, frowning as he looks at the cop. “Ah, this lady claims she’s been trying to reach you since you talked last night but you wouldn’t answer. She said when she came to your home to see if you were alright she found the door unlocked and tried to contact you again. When you continuously wouldn’t answer, she called us and would not let us live until we came down here.” The cop says, shaking his head slightly.
“Oh.” Jungkook mumbles, glancing at the top of your head. “Have a good day, sir. And please do not go under the radar with this one.” The cop pleads before walking away.
“Y/n?” Jungkook asks when the car is gone. “I fucking hate you.” You mumble through sobs, holding him impossibly tighter. “You’ve been fucking MIA since like 1am!” You say, smacking his arm. He winces slightly, a small ‘sorry’ slipping from his lips.
“I didn’t think you’d care if I was MIA.” He mumbles, his arms hesitantly wrapping around you.
He can feel you relax almost immediately, melting into his embrace. “Just because we broke up doesn’t mean that I don’t fucking care if you die.” You say, sniffling hard after. “I didn’t die though.” Jungkook whispers.
“I don’t wanna fight no more.” You whisper, your arms wrapping tighter around him. “I don’t either.” Jungkook whispers.
I don’t wanna hide no more
I don't wanna cry no more
“I missed you.” You whisper, “So fucking much. I missed your cuddles. How you would always hug me when I was scared.” You whisper. “I really needed one of your bear hugs when you went MIA. You really freaked me out.” You croak.
Come back I need you to hold me
“I’m sorry.” He whispers, hugging you tighter.
Be a little closer now
Just a little closer now
Come a little closer
I need you to hold me tonight
“I missed you too.” He mumbles, hiding his face in your hair as a tear slips down his cheek.
I’d climb every mountain
“I swear I’ll do anything to make it up to you,”
And swim every ocean
“If it means you’ll stay with me.”
Just to be with you
And fix what I’ve broken
“I'll stay. No conditions. I just want you back.”
‘Cause I need you to see
That you are the reason
A/n: I really hope this was good cause like I don’t really know how to feel abt it tbh
Mini series taglist:
@mochilatae
Permanent taglist:
@viankiss @lizzymizzy-blogg @teddymoon06 @rln-byg
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☎️ I ALMOST SHIFTED AFTER NOT TRYING FOR OVER 2 MONTHS. ☎️
[i swear, it’s always me this stuff happens to..]
~~~
HOW I .. ALMOST SHIFTED!! (storytime)
~~~
bet you weren’t expecting another crazy spiritual event to happen to me, were you? well, here i am! back again with another story of something insane.. anyway, let’s start this story off with background. recently, i’ve been a bit lacking in the trying-to-shift department. i’ve been reading up on a lot of shifting stories, methods, etc, but barely actually tried to shift myself. .. well, less of my own choice and more of the universes choice LOL, been constantly having shifting stuff thrown at my face. but, anyway, i’ve been busy working on my OR life, so it’s been hard for me to think of shifting at all (aside from the stuff the universe has been throwing at me). however, around 2 days ago i attempted to shift for the first time in over 2 months, as the title states. here’s how it went!
it was late for me and i was really tired, as i only decided to shift right before i went to sleep, so me attempting to shift.. wasn’t exactly me trying my best. i think that might’ve played a part in it, though. but anyway, i started off with me getting into a comfortable position, closing my eyes, and then affirming. it wasn’t any complicated affirmations, as i like to stick to what i’ve seen ppl call ‘the basics’ (i have shifted’, ‘i am in my dr’, ‘i am not chained to one reality’, etc.) bcz that’s what works for me. i affirmed for a bit, and then began to mix in visualizing (me waking up in my dr). i then began to feel symptoms. not crazy, symptoms, but still symptoms. i was starting to feel a symptom of mine that happens when i’m in the middle/beginning of shifting, my limbs going numb. i like to think of it as the process of me being transferred to my OR body, yk yk. i then began to use the technique of letting your mind wander off, but inside your DR instead of your OR (basically instead of thinking “i have a math test tmrw”, if you are shifting to hogwarts or something you would think “i have a magic test tmrw”). this began to increase the symptom of my limbs going numb, as i had stopped being able to feel my legs, and a huge part of both my arms. i tried to ignore this cause yk, ignore the symptoms and stuff, but eventually my mind got bored and trailed off.
as i said, it was really late for me and i was really tired, so my focus wasn’t entirely on shifting. my mind had began to wander, and i don’t even remember what i was thinking about but it definitely was not shifting. i almost completely forgot i was supposed to be shifting in the first place, actually. i eventually snapped out of it, and i thought to myself “oh shit, im supposed to be shifting.” and then resumed lazily affirming. this is when stuff begun to get crazy. i was still really really out of it after i snapped myself out of that dream-like state i was in, but i was still thinking of shifting and affirming and stuff. i wasn’t putting in a lot of effort and was barely thinking at all. nothing new was happening, until i felt a jolt of energy be shot through me. i don’t know what happened, but all of a sudden all of my mind just woke up at once, and began seeing things. i am not entirely sure how to describe what i saw.. but i’ll try my best. it was like i was cycling through lights, or maybe even universes. i saw lights flashing and then disappearing, as if i was being pulled through a plethora of universes. the only two colours i could see were purple and white, and they kept flashing over and over. and.. you will probably think i’m crazy but, i swear i remember the very VERY distinct feeling of my consciousness being pulled from my body. i’m not sure how else to describe it, but it was like i was literally being pulled away from my OR. all of a sudden, excitement and energy flashed through me and it set in i was going to shift. it set in i was finally going to do it. it was happening, and it was all happening now! nothing could ruin this! i’m doing it, i’m doing it!- ..
…. and then i fell asleep. no joke, i literally passed out while in the process of being pulled through multiple universes. i woke up the next day in my OR, and i haven’t been able to shake the feeling of being tired since. sucks ass, i know, but i’m going to try again soon! the whole experience was CRAZY and i don’t even know how to begin to describe what it felt like. the jolt of energy i got was so sudden, i was literally on the verge of sleeping and then all of i sudden i felt like something just grabbed me and i was immediately pulled away from all feelings of tiredness. also, i would go through the process of how i did it and stuff, but as i said i haven’t been able to shake the feeling of being tired since, so i don’t even want to begin to try SHDGDGD
i hope this storytime was fun though!! going to try again another time, hopefully soon if i can muster up the motivation LMAOO.. anyway, byebye everyone!! :))
-☎️ anon <3
Omg this is such a great Storytime and I can definitely relate to it, and I know what feeling you are describing!!!
I am so so so happy for you that you got this far, keep it going and keep us updated!!!
Love you! 🫶🏻❤️
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🌱23.10.24 ┃ wednesday.⋆
Today, was really not all that great. I mostly rotted in bed all day, scrolling on youtube and on webtoon. Today was not fun, and definitely, I was not productive. Hoping I can slowly get myself to enjoy studying once again. My screen time was through the roof, so yeah, that's embarassing.
🌿what i did
Managed to finish my chemistry practical
finished the last few diagrams of my biology practical
read a little of the d and f block elements in chemistry
🌿 stats
screen time : 8 hrs 15 mins 💀 (yikes, my screentime has never been this high I think)
I want to get back into reading books again as well. The silence of the girls has been lying stagnant for so long with me, its embarassing now. I've been trying to pick myself back up again, but I've hardly had any energy to actually clean my room to fix myself to a certain topic and study. It all feels so pointless and meaningless, and it's funny because I am an optimist. I am optimistic.
Oof, I really need to get my shit together again. My self care has gone down the drain along with my habits. If i am to get good grades in my preboards and in NEET, I will have to work much much harder than this unfortunately.
definitely feel so groggy after spending so much time on internet. I'll have to change my habits fs.
🌿 abt tmrw
I might or might not have my chemistry class tomorrow, depending on whether or not the weather is stormy or not. I really kinda don't wanna go, but I realise I might have fallen into a bit of a depressive slump. I had online classes today and it was one of my favourite classes, but I didn't attend because I was so hooked to my phone and I was so tired and burnt out (the holidays just got over CMON)
I will have to do my singing class in the evening tomorrow, which is not fun. I don't enjoy it. But eh well.
Let's see, if i dont have to go to class tomorrow in the morning then
finish reading d and f block
organize my room a little more
get started on physics syllabus (book 2)
start making a plan to get good grades (include doing physics sums early morning)
write letter to friend for bday
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OCCASIONAL RANT ‼️‼️
Hey sigma😈😈 I needed to rant but this didn’t really fit in the daily check in (which I will be uploading soon) so I decided to start these random occasional rants 🤗🤗
WARNING ⚠️ I YAPPED HARD + I WAS A NEGATIVE NANCY IN THIS ONE.. KIND OF A VENT(?) SO IF U DONT FW THAT SKIP THIS AND ILL TAKE THAT AS A SIGN TO STOP YAPPING ABOUT HOW EMO I AM 🔥😈
I WENT TO A GAME TODAY AND U GOT INTO SOME BEEF WITH MY 4LIFER AND OMFG I WAS SOBBING 😭 I TRIED TO HARD TO KEEP IT IN BUT I STARTED FUCKING CRYING IN THE MIDDLE OF A GAME THATS SO NOT SIGMA 😔💔🔥
AND THE PERSON I RANTED ABOUT IN MY LAST CHECK IN (not the girl that carfished as me) SHE TALKED SHIT ABOUT ME N SNITCHED ALL THE STUFF I SAID WITH HER WHEN WE WERE FRIENDS BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT I WAS GIVING HER BAD VIBES.. THE WHOLE DAY WAS A BLUR I DONT RLY REMEMBER WHAT LED TO THIS BEEF BUT NOW WERE TAKING A BREAK ‼️‼️
My friend saw me crying and drove me to the mall for retail therapy… and she payed for me cus I was sobbing the entire time… 💔💔 I FUCKING LOVE HER WNRNENEN SHES SO SWEETTTR… we left the game early just to go to the mall bc she wanted me to feel better 🙁🙁 I’m FUCKING SOBBING THATS LEGIT SO SWEET and she got me a figure im THROWING UP UBEBENENENEKENE 😞🙁💗
I have another social event tmrw idk if i can do it anymore gang.. I’ve been PACKED this entire weekend and my social battery is DRAINEDD + I have a reunion with this old friend tmrw and we’ve been planning it for a while so id feel bad canceling but GOD am I tired.. was already drained from all the social interactions and classes I had and meeting this friend is gonna feel like such a chore 😔😔💔 anrenne i wish I had a high social battery 😢
I think i fucked up the rest of my school year which kind of scares me but we ball ig 💔💔😞 and I kindddd of told ppl my secrets and things I wasn’t supposed to say (about me) so…. 😢😢 someone NEEDS TO STOP ME FROM YAPPING / OVERSHARING
OKOK SORT FOR RANTING POO POO.. DIALY CHRCK IN COMINF SOON‼️‼️ STAY TUNED VRO ILY 😍😍
- 🐺
HII ALPHA!!!! 🐺🐺
RESPONSE UNDER CUT!
i am more than willing to read your rants/vents🙂↕️ IF YOU EVER NEED TO MY ASKS R OPEN!! <33
omg no not ur 4lifer that’s horrible :(( i hope u guys made up and she apologised ☹️ being in a fight with ur bff SUCKS and don’t worry crying it totally sigma #NOJUDGEMENT
okay FUCK that friend because why would she say that after you ranted to her HELLO?? she’s an OPP bro don’t engage with her she sounds like a hater😒 but i’m sorry that u had a bad day angel :(( hopefully this week is better for you <3
okay the other friend is an actual SWEETHEART!!! i love her i just know she has a kind soul. i’m so glad she did that for you she’s actually an angel. also don’t feel pressured to go to any more social events if you’re drained because it’ll just end up with you feeling shitty and a waste of time </3 don’t worry about it! i don’t think you have! i think it was just a misunderstanding. it’ll blow over in a week trust me, all school things do it’s not the end of the world. also the secret thing 😭 if u feel like u can trust them definitely yes but girl don’t go telling just anyone!! i say this with genuine concern because it CAN bite you in the back if they decide to use it against you.. but you should be fine🙂↕️ i have faith in you!!! DONT APOLOGISE!! ILY VRO‼️‼️😈🫵 i’m missing ur asks this was the last ask i have got from you.. pls tell me ur okay…
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4/26
song of the day:
today wasn’t so bad y’all. I actually found it pretty nice. I talked to js about all my friends and found out so many things.
today there was like a fight in the locker room and I was like omg…. I didn’t know the girls involved personally but there was like pepper spray and stuff involved. it was crazy. anyways. I learned how to officially use a sewing machine!!!! I tend to forget about the presser foot sometimes and I think that’s what messes me up the most. in second period we had a sub and he was kinda mean. he was chill mostly but like js another white man. he kinda looks like the guy for terminator. but the best was lunch tbh. my dad brought me chinese food from one of my fav places and I was so happy. I shared with my friends and we talked shit. in third it was basically the same thing. talking shit and eating. and I love my friends in that class and we feel really close at times but then their other friends come in and they up and leave and i’m js there like :( I don’t really care ik that there closer with them but they js leave. it’s whatever though. this time they included me in the convo!!! in fourth we had a sub too and she’s pretty chill cause she’s older. I only made like 4 plates this week when I was supposed to make 6 sooo erm. i’m js so tired of that class. like I love it it’s fun but I don’t have friends so it’s boring. anyways me and my mom were supposed to go to the school musical tonight but she got sick so we couldn’t. it’s whatever though cause we’re going tmrw night.
anyways. I watched millers girl and it really got me thinking. like ofc it’s bad if an older man takes advantage of a young girl. but I would never actually get with my tc. like that’s all pure fantasy. and I think people misunderstand that about having tcs. like most will never do anything about it since their tcs have like family’s and wife’s. mines pretty young so he hasn’t settled down and there’s that little hope of “oh i have a chance” but also like… girl wtf. like I said. it’s all a fantasy. but speaking of mr c. I only saw him once today wtf. and I didn’t even see him fully!!! he was coming out of the staff bathroom and looked my way (I was being loud asf) and I was talking to my friend about it like. i’m almost done with school. I graduate in a year. it’s whatever if I have a crush on him. it’s not like i’m gonna act on it. there’s times I wish I would but ik I shouldn’t and won’t.
anyways that other guy I had a crush on. man he’s being a bitch. he’s my friend and I love him. but he got a gf YESTERDAY and he’s like ignoring our friends. he’s been acting weird all day but jeez. and the girl he’s dating is nice. like i’ve had classes with her she’s chill. but he’s being like weird. I miss him. ik that he’s better mentally now more than ever. but I miss who he was before he lost his old friends and started dating her. but alas, there’s not much I can do.
now, i’ve had a crush on this guy, i’ll call him coco, since october. I don’t even know how it happened. I had 2 classes with him last semester and I didn’t even notice him till after fall break. he came to school with this hair cut and I was like omg… and I started to develop a crush on him before break. like the week leading up to it. I remember during a kahoot for history he took my spot at the top of the board and I went “who tf is coco?!?” (like the one tiktok but his real name yk) and my friend was like “that one in the corner” and I was like oh okay…;). and it kinda js took off from there. I spent 3 months like just crushing on him like crazy. I would answer questions and try and be funny out loud so that he would see me. but it has not worked. and i’m scared to talk to him. he’s like kinda weird tbh. but that’s for another time. I was scared since I didn’t have any classes with him for second semester but also glad since i could get over my crush. then the first day of the semester came. and I didn’t have a second period. so I talked to my councilor and she’s like oh let’s put u in second period english. i’m like yayaya cause it’s with a teacher I love. so I walk into class and i’m smiling and then boom. he’s right there. wtf bro bro. it was cool though cause all my friends are in that class too. my crush for him is still there but it’s slowing going away. I think everything he’s said about anything has just made me want to throw up. but he’s so pretty. like ugh. he doesn’t smile all the often and ugh. he’s so cute when he does. there’s this pic of his freshman year where he is trying to smile with his teeth but he’s like forcing it so he js looks goofy. I love it though he’s so cute like:(((((( but im never gonna tell him. i’d rather die actually. which it why i’m gonna go to bed.
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oh my fucking god im 18 in a week
god i was about to write some sappy shit and it just it me and its over im no longer a child ever ever again after this and im crying im fucking sobbing its 2:29 in the morning and i have school tmrw and my jaw is shaking because i cant stop sobbing. this is the end. the final nail in the coffin of childhood. i cant do this im not ready please take me back im so sorry i know i wasnt a good person but also maybe i was 15 for fucks sake im so sorry ive hurt so many people and i cant take it back i cant even do mothers day right for gods sake my mom has to deal with me so much im so so so sorry mom i love you so much and i cant even show it properly god i cant do this i can barely do mondays god im losing myself im losing myself so much. ive been a wreck on legs for a decade and im getting slower i cant do this anymore i cant do anything properly by myself anymore i am so fucking bad at this i had so so so much more i wanted to do by the time i hit this for some reason magic number 18 and god im such a fucking failure. im so so so sorry. why am i so wrong. jackie has to put up with me my friends just deal with me i can see it when they instantly tune out they dont care anymore because ive been too high around them too many times they instantly think i have nothing useful to say or they just dont care and i get it i fucking get it i beg and beg and plead for change but i just cant do it its too much to handle and its too much to do and i cant handle it because im fucking useless. everyone around me is going to these universities and i feel like im losing myself even after having a plan. i dont know what to do. i has supposed to do more things than ive done and im so lazy and useless and shes going to leave me once shes had enough of my bullshit and no matter how much i care i can never show it properly never take the actions to do it properly. why is everyone else always doing it better, why do they seem more put together. i cant do this anymore. what wall am i behind that im missing just how horrible am i at everything god im so fucking bad at this. it took a very long time to understand just how deep the hate for myself goes. im battling myself. im so so tired. i need help and im still never going to ask for it in the way i need, that would be too much out of someone. i cant do this anymore, my body is tired, my mind is tired, i want to wither away. all of my desperate reaches to be noticed, to be a mark on the world is overwhelmed by not wanting to be a burden onto the people around me. i can barely show the right love back to the people who love me, the people who care about me. if im going to be worth nothing, then i shouldnt be taking up this space and time and become nothing. I WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE IT HERE. I TRIED TO END IT 5 TIMES BUT OUT OF PURE SPITE OF DEATH I REMAIN HERE. I LIVE. I LIVE!!! I LIVE AND I LOVE AND I BREATHE. I REMAIN HERE TO LOVE. PLEASE READ THIS. PLEASE REMEMBER ME. PLEASE ASK ME HOW IM DOING AND ASK AGAIN WHEN ITS OBVIOUSLY THE WRONG ANSWER. PLEASE ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM. IM SORRY I DONT KNOW HOW TO BE THE BEST PERSON OR FRIEND OR PARTNER OR SON BUT IM TRYING IM TRYING GODAMMIT WHAT IS THIS FOR IF NOT TO TRY AND TRY AND TRY. I REMEMBER BEING 12 AND THINKING I MIGHT NOT MAKE IT TO 18 BUT IM HERE I FUCKING MADE IT OH MY FUCKING GOD IT TOOK SO MUCH BLOOD SWEAT AND TEARS AND IT MEANS FUCKING NOTHING BECAUSE THE TIME WOULDVE PASSED ANYWAYS BUT WE'RE HERE WE DID IT 15 YEAR OLD ME. DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN 18 WASNT EVEN A POSSIBILITY BESIDES IN PROMISES TO PEOPLE WE CANT EVEN TALK TO ANYMORE? IM FUCKING HERE AND IT SUCKS OH MY GOD IT SUCKS SO FUCKING BADLY BUT IM STILL HERE AFTER ALL OF IT. I CANT EVEN IMAGINE GOING THROUGH SHIT RN FOR 6 MONTHS BUT I LOOK BACK AND IVE BEEN SAYING THAT ABOUT SHIT FOR YEARS AND LOOK WE'VE BEEN STAYING MOVING FORWARD. ITS SO HARD TO CONTAIN IM SHAKING AND SOBBING MY EYES OUT BUT WE DID IT WE DID IT IM PROUD OF YOU I HATE YOU SO MUCH BUT WE MADE IT HERE. REMEMBER THAT EVERY SINGLE DAY. THIS WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. BUT ITS HERE IN SPITE OF IT ALL
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started off alright today until my sister’s boyfriends bday cake. she cut my slice too and it was so fucking big and she’s so much thinner than me and has a past of unintentionally just like making me feel shit about my weight im so upset :( i just want to do well. only day two and this has happened and it’s making me worry how motivated i will stay. going to do some exercising until i get too tired tonight which will hopefully help calm me down. i’m also just trying to remind myself that these things happen, it’ll be okay - i can make up for it tmrw!! just like ugh i don’t want to have to make it up, one slice of cake means tmrw will be so much harder. i’ll have to ensure i’m extra distracted tmrw maybe (i do have shopping i have to do!!). it’ll be alright
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