#but this post is about my brain and my stupid self perception (:

[sherlock-is-ace]

enjoying other people's fanart is a double edged sword. cause i love seeing it, i love the various art styles and ideas, little artistic liberties they take with the canon designs, new outfits, cartoonish styles and hyperrealistic pieces, all wonderful

but then i look at my fanart and it sucks kdfjdfg

[purpurussy]

what is all of this like for post-hiatus phannies?

I've been trying to figure out how to phrase this for a minute. The most obvious comparison would be that it's like starting a TV show 10 seasons in, but that doesn't come remotely close to the amount of required reading necessary to understand even 5% of the references. This has not been a problem for me, as I love nothing more than a good all-consuming hyperfixation rabbit hole, but something I'm realizing is that you really just had to be there to fully Understand.

I got into d&p properly in December of 2023, when gamingmas appealed to my emotionally curious nature and then gave me some kind of irreversible brain damage which I'm still trying to process. Since then I've been consuming their back catalogue as though it's laced with cocaine, and obsessively lurking on phannie tumblr until I finally made this blog a few weeks ago.

-

I actually watched Dan's videos for a little while back in roughly 2013/2014, but something about his content back then just wasn't working for me like it does now (I have such a clear memory of watching Reasons Why Dan’s A Fail and thinking "aw man why does this cute little twink hate himself so much 😔" and then going back to watching Jenna Marbles lmao. Funnily enough it did make me change my negative self-talk a little bit). I was very much a brief casual viewer who went off them pretty much after watching a few videos, and after that I was sort of vaguely aware of them as the cultural icons of the 2010s that they were, but I wasn't keeping up with them at all. 

I don't even remember BIG coming out, which is insane because I've always been extremely chronically online and it definitely broke containment as a cultural moment (although I think I was trying to minimize my social media use at that point in my life, so maybe that's why it went over my head). I feel like I must have heard something about it at the time, though, because I knew they were gay when I started watching them last year. What's really strange is that a lot of this stuff is kinda timeless to me. I don't remember it happening 5, 10 or 15 years ago - I just witnessed it very recently. For a lot of you guys, BIG happened 5 years ago, but I just watched it for the first time a few months ago. At the same time, in my mind they've just always been gay, since I wasn't in the trenches of the unhinged online culture surrounding them in the early/mid 2010s. It's so confusing to balance my weird temporal perception of these events with the impressions that I get from you guys. Oftentimes I have to judge roughly when something would have happened based on their appearances - it's not actually a *memory* for me, like it is for you. I absolutely love the dynamic and branding they have now, and the deep dives into their past are more of a curious exploration of how they got here, rather than actually nostalgic (or, I suppose, mildly traumatic) for me. It’s still very interesting and compelling to me, but because I love the current iteration of Dan and Phil, not because I’m emotionally invested in who they used to be. 

Sometimes I’ll be aware that an event happened, but I won’t realize how monumental it was until I see people talking about it (I hate to say it but I genuinely don't fully understand why the BONCAs thing was so earth-shattering, but like I said, I've always lived in a post-BIG universe, and I think you just had to be there). There are also plenty of references to stuff that's just been lost to time, which I have to piece together with context clues, as well as the more unhinged demonic stuff that I just don't have any interest in exploring whatsoever (I think I might have watched the v-day video if I'd been there when it leaked and I was a stupid teenager, but at this point, I don't even feel any kind of morbid curiosity for it. I just feel really bad for them that it got leaked. Plus, unfortunately, I think I've learned all I need to know about it through internet osmosis here). I feel like a lot of these events have a real emotional meaning for you guys, when to me, they're just interesting/funny/insane anecdotes which give some context to everything. Some of the shit that you guys lived through back then is absolutely wild, and I love and appreciate all of you for meticulously archiving and documenting everything and for being so willing to answer the same questions over and over again! Otherwise I feel like I wouldn't be able to really be part of this community, and posting my silly little memes on this blog is so fucking fun. So thank you all for that.

It seems like this is one of the most ride-or-die fanbases I've ever seen. The fact that they could invent the concept of YouTubers doing world tours, successfully execute that multiple times, branch out into several other ventures, come out as gay not fully knowing how that would affect their careers, disappear for several years and then come back knowing that there would be a solid audience waiting for them even after their virality had died down, drop merch every 3 seconds - I don't know who else can really get away with that, for almost 15 years, in the extremely "live fast die young" culture of internet fame. And I think it's in no small part because you all have chronic "unconditionally supporting dan and phil" disease. (While we’re on the topic, I feel very lucky to have missed the hiatus era. There's kind of a compression in the timeline for me between the gaming channel going dark and Dan starting his WAD tour, where it's like that time just doesn't exist in the Dan and Phil cinematic universe for me. It took me a while to realize how insane it must have been when they came back in full force, I can't even imagine how that must have felt.)

Of course, there's a caveat in that I'm saying this only really knowing about the tip of the demon iceberg. I’m aware of people engaging in behaviours such as doxxing them, outing them and stalking their families, which is horrifying in and of itself, but I don’t know how long it went on for or how many people were involved. I think people are generally pretty well-behaved at this point, and most of the drama seems to be between different schools of thought within the fanbase itself. I assume a big part of the reason for that is people's varying degrees of involvement in (and remaining notion of guilt for) the boundary-crossing behaviour from the old days. Living with the spectre of this insanity is kind of strange - it makes me feel nervous sometimes that I’m gonna accidentally say something that hits a nerve, or cross a line I didn’t know existed, because there’s all this history that I don’t fully understand, beyond just the normal unwritten rules for interacting with fan spaces online. 

-

The topic that got me writing this in the first place was the orange heart incident, and everyone’s subsequent meltdown. For me, the excitement in them soft/hard/semi launching is more about me just getting excited about any open, proud expression of queer joy - it heals something inside me every time I hear a man referring to his husband or a woman referring to her wife (excuse the gendered terms, ykwim. gay shit). It's just that sentiment, combined with the fact that I'm parasocially invested in them: I'd love to see that energy from my fave little guys who live inside my computer. I am basically rooting for them to become more comfortable with just talking about gay stuff more openly and candidly, and I guess that would require a bit of a hard launch, although I can understand that they don't want to potentially open the door to excessive questioning regarding their relationship. I feel like it ✨hits different✨ for people who watched them for years before they came out. Like, you guys are rooting for people who you watched in real time struggling with their identities and internalized homophobia for years and years, while to me, they’re just some guys who I’m a fan of. Sometimes I get caught up in the emotional frenzy of their hard-launch breadcrumbs even though I don’t feel quite as insane about it as you guys (I said in some tags a few days ago that it’s like the base instinct to turn around and start running if you see a crowd of people running towards you and screaming in terror, even if you have no idea what’s going on). Anyway, I would love to see them being more gooey with each other, and I am gobbling up the breadcrumbs they're feeding us atm, because I love seeing gay people expressing gay love with no shame 🧡 

I think my perception of them as a couple, or of their sexualities independently, is just kind of an extension of everything Dan said in BIG. I really have no doubt that they're a couple, and I don't feel any kind of weird Catholic guilt in saying that, since I neither witnessed nor participated in the insanity back then. I interpreted (I'm paraphrasing) "obviously we were more than friends, but it was more than just romantic, we're like, actual soulmates" followed by "as for the situation now? we're private people and we'd like to keep that part of our lives private" as him essentially saying that obviously they're a couple, but that their relationship is not part of the Dan And Phil™ Brand. The brand is 2 guys who have great chemistry doing comedy together (5 feet apart even though clearly they are gay and in love). And I think that's a completely healthy decision to make, even irrespective of their history. I think a hard launch would be subtle, and it wouldn’t realistically change the nature of their content that much. 

With that being said, to me, it seems slightly wild for people to adamantly insist they're not a couple, or that it’s “invasive” to assume that they are one (not that that really applies to anyone here, but elsewhere on the internet). If they were a straight man and a straight woman, and there wasn't a huge chunk of people on the internet struggling with this oddly conditioned aversion to seeing them as a couple, then nobody on earth would be insisting that it's weird to assume they're together. Dan confirmed that they became romantically involved around the time they met, and building a forever home with your ex is crazy, that's all there is to it.

-

This is kind of a messy stream of thoughts (it ended up sort of becoming 2 essays for the price of 1) and I don't really know where I was going with it. In conclusion I think that day 1 phannies are braver than any US marine and you have all suffered more than Jesus on the cross, and I'm extremely thankful that I get to reap the rewards of your labour now without having lived through the dark ages myself. I also think some of you are holding onto a bit of unnecessary guilt for dumb shit you said on the internet when you were a kid. And Dan and Phil are gay and I love them and I reeeeaaaallllyyy want them to do a podcast so bad because this is all conjecture and I would parasocially love to hear their actual thoughts on it

[crumblinggothicarchitecture]

Hey. This might be very stupid, but i hope you answer this.

Today I accidently got sucked into your blog, which is ironic since I'm a huge swiftie. (but I'm not here to hate on you, I swear)

The thing is for months I've been doubting where I stand on that. Like if i should call myself a swifte or not. when I was young, I used to worship the ground she walked on. but in the past year, I've slowly realised I've been very sheltered. like the problems people point out about her sometimes are actual real problems, but my brain just doesn't know how to respond to that as it has been taught taylor swift is a goddess and can do no wrong. Since your posts are tagged with #exswiftie, i figure you'd understand.

I am not from america, so I can understand then politics part of it all only to a certian extend. the other things, I just dont know what to say to that. The most i can reply is..."yes that is a bit of a problem". I feel don't feel like a swiftie at that moment.

I had fed my mind this narrative that people who hate taylor swift passionately are like untrustworthy or just a walking red flag, or just "don't get it". Now after reading your actual breakdowns I understand you have a rather educated opinion and perception of things. Which clearly rules out my narrative.

I don't know what I feel like I have to define where I stand on this, I just do. I know I genuinely enjoy her music a lot, even there are songs I don't want to hear more than once. I love the whole swiftie lore, digging deep on each lyrics finding out what they mean, finding clues easter eggs just losing my mind over surprise songs. Then i see this other side, which can't be defined with anything less than deeply toxic, which makes me question whether or not this thing i love so much is genuinely good or not.

Hello dear, apologies for the delay in reply :) I am happy to chat with you. I hope that you did not think I would ignore you.  

I was also a Swiftie for nearly 15 years. I got her debut record as a Christmas present in 2006 or 2007. Though I cannot remember which year it was, I loved her from the start. At 10 years old, I was immediately interested. My mother approved of me owning her music simply because she was inoffensive. She didn’t curse or talk about sex, in the beginning, so she was deemed appropriated for my childhood self.  She and I have since grown up. She is now a terribly pretentious bully- and, well, I grew up much too poor and much too hungry to turn into a bully like her. 

The problem- and something I think you’re very much aware of- is that Swift has built herself up in her fandom as perfect. She encourages fans to defend her every action- and rewards them for their efforts through “Swiftmas” or “Secret Sessions” or “hidden easter eggs that only the smartest- most dedicated fans will figure out.” It’s all methodically calculated to keep up an air of reciprocity between Swift, as the fearless leader, and her band of merry misfits- the fans.  

You are not dumb for falling into her rhetorical situation - she's set the marketing strategy up on purpose. It’s specifically created to attract attention- and, to make people feel good, or productive, by participating in her marketing strategy. She gives people an image of herself as a poor innocent victim of the media, or of any critique, and then rewards people for defending her. In Literary study, we call this “Pathos” as the rhetorical appeal to emotion through messaging- textual work of some kind. Rhetoric like this can be found in all sorts of media- commercials about starving children or beaten dogs, charity event banners aiming to persuade someone to donate. It’s all predicated on the appeal to our common emotion, or human capacity to empathize with each other. For, every time fans are rewarded by her attention- after defending her from a perceived enemy, or figuring out some hidden clue- they feel closer to the idol, they feel happy to have her attention. They get that emotional impact of believing they are helping Taylor Swift, or understanding her better on some more human, connected, level. It’s a game of risk and reward for her. Never mind that none of this altruistic- she gets paid through our attention on her- and if you are not directly lining her pockets with your cash money, she does not actually care about you. It’s the image of caring she projects that matters much more than the fact that she doesn’t actually care.

I’m sure you can think of many more examples wherein Swift has played this game of attention and reward with fans. It’s everywhere- her easter eggs are a great example. Sometimes her use of Pathos is benign- non malicious, therefore a non-issue. However, she often weaponizes this rhetoric in a way that is harmful.

This interplay she sets up, between herself and her fans, is made more intensive through her pathos- heavy approach to Rhetoric. To further illustrate, one of the ways people often explain Pathos is by saying that it represents our, as human beings, judgement affect. We see, or hear, the narrative Swift espouses and make judgements about it. If she says: The music critics are sexist towards me. We say: 1.) Sexism is morally wrong, 2.) Taylor Swift is facing sexism from Music critics, Therefore.) The music critics are sexist and morally wrong, because they are criticizing Taylor Swift.

So, all the critics are bad- and we don't need to listen to them. It's also a way Swift creates permissive attitudes towards attacking anyone who critique's her- because she can so easily label them all as sexist.

She uses this basic syllogism to justify leveraging her fans against all kinds of people- it's not just the critics. I just wanted to give a concrete example, and I will go more in depth on this subject in another post.  

She is playing with people’s emotions, while she is also self-victimizing,and leveraging her audience’s innate human rejection of, for instance, sexism as it offends our personal values. No one is saying that sexism isn't morally corrupt; however, Taylor Swift points to valid criticism and calls it sexism so that her audience will attack. People often have valid critique of Swift- She just doesn't want to face critique at all- ever. If people say her music is too self-centered- Swift says that is Sexism. If people say her music is boring- she calls it sexism. If people say her music is shallow and only centered are relationships- She calls it sexism. When, in reality, it's valid criticism that has nothing to do with her being a woman. Only ever writing songs about your own myopic, self-centered perception of interpersonal relationships is shallow. Her music is objectively boring, because it's derivative. Her music is completely self-centered- and she only admits to that when it benefits her, but when critics say it, she calls it sexism.

Please don’t think badly of yourself. I am not here to hate on you either- I was you. I am not here to hate on anyone at all- I just want to share how my own knowledge, and expertise, of rhetorical appeals and literary analysis can expose Taylor Swift. Swift relies on this rhetorical technique to thrive, she obfuscates the truth, schemes, and manipulates people into thinking her music is the best thing on Earth- or thinking that she is literally a Saint. Clearly- nothing on Earth is that perfect- So why does she need her fan base to consider her a genius, and a saint, so badly?

Personally, I have no problem admitting I have flaws. I think most sane people can admit to their flaws. It’s not a bad thing to have flaws. So why does Taylor Swift react to all criticism like it’s the worst thing on Earth. Why does she have a whole song about calling critics “mean/ and a liar/ and pathetic/ and alone in life” (“Mean” 2010). She has the nerve to call that song an “anti-bullying” song; yet, is it so clearly bullying that random critic who wrote a bad review about her concert one time in 2009? She really hated that guy- and all he was doing was his job. She called him a drunken loser for just doing his job. 

She's written so many songs about how all her critics are just stupid, morally corrupt, or sexist: "The Man" (2019), "Mean" (2010), "But Daddy I love Him" (2024), "New Romantics" (2014), "Shake it Off" (2014), "I know Places" (2014), "Anti-Hero" (2023), "Paris" (2023), "Blank Space" (2014), "I did something Bad" (2018), "Dancing with our hands tied" (2018). There are more songs wherein she carries this theme of "everyone is out to get me, and they all hate me for no good reason" but I think I've listed enough.

The general message is all over "Evermore" and "Folklore" too every time she calls the general public "Clowns" or "masqueraders"

It's just everywhere- her subtle devaluation of legitimate criticism. Trying to chalk it all up to the critics being simply dumb, sexist, or malicious in some way. Perhaps some people are mean- true- but to generalize every criticism as evil? That's just her actually playing a victim card. There's no way every single critic, or person who doesn't like her, is evil, bad, or malicious in some way. Okay?

I’m tired of her claiming to be an amazing person and an amazing poet- when she is just not either of those things. She’s not a kind person- it's all over her music in the ways she maliciously hurts people for fun. She’s not an amazing poet either. I have a few college degrees- and one pass through her work, with a serious intention of literary analysis, I discover that her writing is plain, banal, and derivative. 

She wants everyone to compare her to Emily Dickinson, Dylan Thomas, and Shakespeare. So, I’m doing what she wants and taking her work seriously enough to critique it. Except that, in critique, I find out why it’s all poorly written- and why it’s just a bunch of thinly veiled conservative iterations of the same boring message over and over. All she ever says in her music is “poor me” and “I hate” (insert person- Kim K., Kanye, Matty, Joe, Jake, John, Scooter, Scott, Harry, Calvin, the media at large, anyone who critiques her, and men in the music industry as a whole). She has the longest list of enemies I think I’ve ever seen- and the funny thing is that all these people avoid her at all costs. None of these people talk about her- yet she is still singing, writing songs, and getting her fans to post memes about how awful they are years, even decades, later.  

It all gets a bit tiresome? No? Personally, I don’t wish to live a life full of such self-pity and hatred- so why should I listen to it in music form? Ya know?  

In my posts, I am attempting to find the truth. I don’t want to “hate” on anyone or anything- but I am going to seek truth in her work.  

I will be posting more about how she devoids Shakespeare of his social reformist efforts. I’m going to post more about how she twists the meaning of every literary reference she’s ever made. I am not kidding, she has misrepresented, and misinterpreted every single literary reference in her entire discography. It’s astounding how hard Swift tries to sound thoughtful- without actually being thoughtful. I will be posting about how she only ever name-drops to either tear other people down or self-depreciate herself in effort to seek pity. I will be talking more about her use of rhetorical appeals to both attract an audience, keep their attention through risk-reward trade-off, and manipulate them into fighting her battles for her. I will be talking about how she upholds a bunch of harmful stereotypes in her music. She often alludes, or blatantly includes allusion to colonialist attitudes. She’s used the LGBT community for profit without making any real activist efforts. She’s leveraged feminism like a weapon against other women- yet never actually has feminist themes in her music. She’s just so painfully hollow- upon closer inspection.  

I don’t hate her as a person. I think she’s unethical, sure, but that doesn’t mean I hate her, want her to die, or anything extreme at all. I would never wish harm to another human being. In fact, after seeing a lot of the harmful stuff in her music, especially about her kind of fucked up views on relationships, I sincerely hope she gets some professional help and finds some peace in this world. When I critique Taylor Swift it’s about her work and her brand- It's not about her personhood.  

I just think that no one Earth is above reproach, or critique, and we must all be held accountable for our own actions. She’s the one that puts her work out there for people- It's therefore completely appropriate for me to discuss her work. 

Edit: Oh and I want to add- I wish you luck in figuring out what you really think about Taylor Swift. If you ever need to talk or vent more- my inbox is always open. :) With peace and love- bye bye

[steviewashere]

Always Need You

Rating: Teen and Up CW: Vague Suicidal Thoughts Tags: Post-Canon, Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst With a Happy Ending, Established Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson, Eddie Munson Needs a Hug, Hand Holding, Eddie Munson Overthinks A LOT, Reference to Hamlet, Steve Harrington Takes Care of Eddie Munson, Steve Harrington is a Sweetheart, Eddie Munson is a Sweetheart, Steve Harrington Loves Eddie Munson, Eddie Munson Loves Steve Harrington, Smart Steve Harrington (Because He IS), Perceptive Steve Harrington, Water Imagery, They Go to The Beach, They're Going to Plot Against Steve's Parents For @steddieangstyaugust Day 7 Prompt: Moonlight Though, I will say, I went more with moon rather than moonlight, but there's still a little bit in here about the actual moonlight.

🌕—————🌊 The sand is wet, squishy, and sort of grainy under his toes. At the edge of the water, there’s not enough of it to come rushing between his toes, but he knows he’ll walk back from here with soles painted brown. Little bits and bobs of gritty sand in the fine wrinkles of his feet. Probably catch some of the drier stuff, too. The ocean roars again; a big, cold, eye-catching wave crashing into his shins. Thank god I rolled up my sweats, he thinks.

It wasn’t his idea to come out here. Not out here as in right now, but out here to the beach in general. He’s never been. Doesn’t think he could survive if swept away into the ocean—though, maybe he’s alright with that thought. Passively and not, he’s okay with it.

Steve’s idea came one late night when his parents told him it would be good for him to get out of Hawkins for a while. Neither in an act of kindness nor grace, the Harringtons don’t do that. Him and Steve think it’s one big notion to follow through with the motion of selling the house—the estate he had joked once, empty silence following it that still haunts him to this day.

That alone had to be reason…18, he thinks, of all the reasons to come contemplating out here.

Out here. Out here.

Only thirty yards away from the beach house they rented for the foreseeable week. He’s having a good time, at least he believes so anyway. Hanging out with his boyfriend—which, shit, that’s the least plausible thing he’s ever heard in his short life—making s’mores around a screen-perfect campfire, holding each other close under a heavy and hot comforter while the cold breeze outside comes flittering through a cracked window, having sex for the love and no longer the thrill. There’s no thrill if they can’t be caught and there’s no thrill if they aren’t dancing around each other anymore. There’s a thrill to it, though, that makes him excited just to get his shoulder touched, but that comes from the lonely years that prehistorically predated all that he has now.

Thirty yards away from the safety zone. Or is it a buffering zone, he asks himself. It doesn’t matter. Steve’ll probably correct him on it for the fiftieth time and they’ll giggle like it’s funny, but sometimes he thinks he gets on Steve’s nerves after a while. Can’t even get your stupid brain to remember what he loves. What kind of boyfriend are you?

Out here, he doesn’t have to worry about Steve stroking his forehead and complimenting him all soft like. Because he can’t be read on the face in the dark. He can’t be picked apart in that silent, persistent, perceptive way that Steve knows how. Sometimes he wonders if the roles are actually reversed—maybe Steve is the freak, maybe he’s been stalking the entire time. Because how in the hell does he just know most days? The self loathing and the wandering thoughts and the kick to his own ribs…he’s picked up and carried by Steve’s hands after it all. It won’t be the last time, he knows that, but maybe the last time won’t be so far away.

The ocean waves crash into him again. This time, he staggers with the force. Hands plucking on the sides of his pants, trying to get them to stay rolled up. Toes clenching for purpose in the wet sand. 

He wonders if, when and how he falls, if he’ll survive the ocean. If it’ll be like surviving his brain the last few years. Bobbing and weaving and then getting caught on something and then drowning in that pocket for a while. He wonders what drowning feels like. 

Steve told him it burned. Steve told him that it was like an icy fire was making home in his lungs. Steve told him he’d never been more afraid of anything else in his life. Steve told him to stop asking, teary eyed and frightened. So he dropped it. He listened like an obeying dog.

Though, he wonders if, how and long he continued to ask, if Steve would’ve told him what it felt like to be heavy in the cold. If the imminent death that seemed closer and closer was easy to come to terms with, or if he wanted to kick his legs harder to propel away.

He shakes himself and rights where he stands. The wave recedes. Low tide soon, maybe—that’s more something that Steve would know, not him. Sometimes when he gets too big, he needs to feel small for a long while. He thinks the low tide is going to be soon. Sooner, if he continues to stay out here.

Now that the waters have lessened their work, a mercy cry, he hears more of the world. The cars driving by late night on the road just beyond the beach houses. Clicks of lighters and that first slow inhale. A far away boat, one long horn.

A stride of heavyset feet on dry to wet ground. The struggle, he thinks, of them trying not to eat it on the sand dunes. But the stampede gets closer, closer, closer still as he continues to stand. Eyes out on the vacant, abyss horizon. Water kissing the insides of his ankles. A calm, deep nothingness around him—he wonders if it would be easy to slip into it, or maybe he’s already there. I could live out here, he thinks.

“Hey,” a familiar voice pants on his right, “hey, Eds. Found you.”

He doesn’t take his eyes off of the water. Doesn’t blink. “Didn’t know we were playing a game of hide & seek,” he murmurs, but it’s more of a croak. It sort of hurts. Maybe it’ll stay this way, for his sake. But he doesn’t get what he wants, even when the mere thought manifests. He knows he won’t get it because he’s already melting with Steve’s warmth around him.

Steve chuckles deep from his chest. Shoulder bumping Eddie. Bare skin from elbow down on Eddie’s own. He’s warm. “I came out of the shower to an empty bed,” he murmurs, too. 

“Sorry,” he responds on reflex.

“Don’t need to be,” Steve brushes off—that perceptive way of his. “I saw you from the window. Thought I’d come join. Maybe the breeze will help dry my hair.”

Eddie gives a noncommittal grunt.

Almost in his ear, Steve copies him. “You’ve got that look on your face,” he whispers, “what’re you thinkin’ about, Eds?”

You’ve caught me, he wants to exclaim, you know me! How the hell do you know me?!

A million things, he then wants to say, a million pointless, probably concerning things.

He thinks about that Hamlet speech:

“To be, or not to be, that is the question: Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles And by opposing end them. To die—to sleep, No more.”

The Hamlet speech that made him pass theater class. The Hamlet speech that he clung onto years after because it just made sense. For once, with this skillset and his wandering imagination, he could focus his brain front and center on Shakespeare’s words. It was the first time that Shakespeare ever made sense. Even as there’s a million interpretations, much like his thoughts, there was a certain way he read it that could only cover how he felt. A passive question he always asked himself. And yet, it was a non-passive question—he knew what it meant for him.

He’s thinking of the time he saw a murder of crows protect the limp, sodden corpse of a stray cat he once fed, now turned to roadkill. Of how he wandered close to them. Of how they didn’t ignore him, but rather let him pick the cat up and bury her in the soft dirt across the street. How they watched him pick weeds that resembled flowers enough to count as something. Like he did for his mom whenever he visited her grave, too young to have a job and couldn’t afford the big, fragrant bouquets that he saw others wander by with. He’s wondering if they both appreciated it, or if they pitied him like the fool he is—maybe they saw that he was trying too hard to make things right, as if it was his whole responsibility to mend the holes.

He’s thinking about the first time he had Steve’s hands on his body. Applying pressure to wounds that weren’t superficial in the slightest. But Steve had believed he would survive. He was the only one to believe it. He wonders if the rest of their crew looked at Steve the way Eddie’s mother probably looked at him when he visited. Pity, like he was a fool, too. Maybe love makes fools of all of them, pity or no—even in the good relationships, like he has now.

He’s thinking about how, even though he has a lot of good things, all of it doesn’t outweigh the terrible he experiences back home. It’s safer by the cold, crashing ocean than it is walking through the back ways of Hawkins. That says something, not poetic, he thinks.

“I don’t know,” he eventually says, “probably too much for what’s supposed to be a vacation.” Eddie swallows. There’s nothing in his mouth but words and teeth and his own tongue. 

He wants to be honest.

A moment later, he admits softer, “Thinking about dying. About…about if I’d survive being swept into the ocean. Probability points to a zero percent chance because I don’t swim that good.”

It’s quiet again. The way it was before Steve got here. Cars beyond and clicking lighters and small crashes of tiny ocean waves. So quiet, he thinks he hears the squelch of his feet in the sand. The squelch of him grabbing onto something before he drifts too far away.

“I used to think that, too,” Steve breathes. “Used to wonder about it all the time. If I’d survive the impossible. A car crash from any side, the drop over the quarry, Lover’s Lake and the ocean.”

Eddie looks away from the water, finally. Not a side glance at Steve, but something contemplative at his own feet. “What made you stop?” He asks quietly.

Steve shrugs, feels his shoulder brush. “I don’t think I stopped until Vecna fucking ate it,” he confesses in a low murmur. “Until I knew I was safe.” His hand, cold and slightly damp reaches out for Eddie’s wrist. Fingers wrapping around, not clenching or squeezing, just loosely grasping for purchase.

“I wish I felt like that,” Eddie sighs. “Maybe it’s just not in the cards for me.”

“Hm,” Steve hums, so clearly thinking. Probably mapping out all kinds of routes in that wonderful brain of his. His whole arm slips through the gap of Eddie’s, linking them together. “Did you know that the ocean wouldn’t be what it is without the moon?”

He looks to Steve at that. Questioning eyes and words bubbling inside. Can’t help himself, he laughs. “What?” He gets out between fits, “where did that come from?”

A smile adorns Steve’s face. A soft, thoughtful one. “It’s true, though,” he speaks, quiet and traversing, “the…uh…there’s gravitational pulls that come from both the Moon and the Earth. And these forces kind of work together. The pull on the Moon makes these bulges in the ocean, both where the closest side is to it and the farthest side. These make the tides go high, those big beautiful waves. And when the bulges are low, low tides are created.

“Without these forces, without the Moon, the Earth’s ocean would be only low tide. That means a lot of the smaller animals that survive off of these tides would cease to exist, the ecosystems would be absolutely destroyed. The ocean kind of carries the things these animals need to survive. And, well, without them and the Moon…poof…no more.” Steve’s smile doesn’t leave his face, but it’s stronger now that it’s pointed directly at Eddie. All of his teeth a muted white in the light reflecting off of the water. And his eyes glistening, dark in an abyssal way. His skin a dusty white-blue.

For once, he doesn’t know what to think. Or how to think. It’s as if the currents that activated all those burbling worries just ceased to exist. He’s a lot thankful for it, but he won’t say that yet. Steve’s got this look to him that reads more. More in the best way.

“How do you”—

“Science class. It was, outside of gym, the subject I was best at.”

Eddie probably could’ve figured. Steve’s always had this way to him that reads: diamond in the rough. Things waiting to be excavated. So he’ll go with it. “And…where is this”—

“You’re the moon to me,” Steve says easily, “you do this really wonderful thing to me, y’know? Make my heart race every time I look at you or touch you, even when I just hear about you. And makes my day sort of…worth it? Think it would destroy me if you weren’t here. If, after all this wonderful time with you, we got nothing together in the end.

“I don’t know…I don’t know where your brain is tonight or what you’ve been thinking exactly, but I can assure you right now you’re much needed. Not just for me, you know? Dustin looks to you for guidance all the time. All the time. He’ll come bug me at work, say something about Hellfire, and is usually saying: ‘I bet Eddie would know. He always knows.’ And it’s the same with the other members, I can tell you right now.

“Wayne would be…I don’t want to even imagine what Wayne would be like.” Steve’s eyes glisten impossibly more. Swallowing hard—probably consuming all that flickers through him, what those things are, Eddie knows better than to ask about them. “I don’t know what I’d be,” he whispers, “if I had to only wonder what you’d think or what you’d say when something happens. If I had to wonder because you weren’t…” His fingers are still wrapped around Eddie’s wrist, but now they tighten. Hard enough Eddie begins to feel the bite of his nails. Another swallow. Clarity. “My point is is that you’re a much needed presence in everybody’s lives and all those shitheads from Hawkins who don’t like you, because they can’t see the person you actually are, they can go suck a fat fucking egg.”

All the air in Eddie’s lungs leaves him, wheezing out of his mouth as he laughs something so loud and unexpected, he thinks it could rival the sound of crashing waves. “Wow,” he marvels, “you have such a way with words.” He squeezes the hand in his, fingers tight to Steve’s. “And for the record, sweetheart,” he says when he can fully catch his breath, “I wouldn’t actually do anything, y’know. It’s just…I wander, I guess. Especially out here. When it’s like only quiet and pretty and…The best part about this beach not even being close to Hawkins is that nobody here knows me. And I can just be. Though, I guess just being makes me think too hard. About life back home.”

Steve hums. Smile still stretching across his face. And with him, Eddie knows he’s safe. In their hold they have, in the light they share, in the warmth they’ve created. He can admit anything out here and Steve won’t stare at him strangely.

“Maybe we should find somewhere else to go,” Steve quietly suggests a moment later. “Now that the world isn’t ending. And we know that it’s all done for for good. We should go find a reclusive place to be. I’ve heard that Oregon’s got some great beaches. Washington and California, too.”

Eddie snorts. “I don’t want to laugh at your idea, but how on Earth are we going to be able to afford that?”

“Easy,” Steve says, “we goad my parents into giving me money. Maybe I…I’ll come up with some lie that I heard that they’re selling the house without giving me notice. Because I know that’s exactly what they’re doing. And I’ll threaten to like…I’ll expose them, that’s it! Ruin their reputation if they don’t agree.”

“It’s alarming that you’ve got a mastermind plan already building in that head of yours,” Eddie states. “But I shouldn’t be surprised. You always know how to get things done. What to say.”

A flattered expression washes over Steve’s face. But he doesn’t acknowledge Eddie’s words. A discussion for another time, then. Instead, he goes on, “I’ll get Nancy in on it, Eds. She’s been waiting since high school to take my parents down a notch. This is her chance. And this is going to be our chance to get away.”

“I’m with you so far, but I’m hung up on what I’ll do without Wayne.”

“Bring Wayne,” he says immediately, “he’ll have his own room and everything. We’ll figure it out.” And Steve’s eyes are squinted with his smile, his body lax and easy. He knows, in his own perceptive way, that they will.

“Okay,” Eddie gives in, “we’ll figure this out.”

Steve swings their arms back and forth for a moment. “Let’s go to bed, baby. I want to show you all the ways I love you.”

He can’t stop himself from letting out a giddy giggle. “Okay,” he agrees, “let’s do that.”

“And the ways I need you. Because I’ll always need you, Eds. Even when your brain goes elsewhere, I’ll need you.”

“I need you, too, Stevie.”

And as Steve pulls him along the dunes, sand sticky to the soles of his feet, Eddie takes in the roaring quiet again. Wondering, the only thing he can wonder, what it feels like to live in Steve’s heart the way he does in Eddie’s. He’s warm. He’s excited. And he knows, perpetually and no matter where they are in the world, they’re safe with each other.

Much like the moon will always be with the ocean.

🌕—————🌊

[vegaseatsass]

Reality tv is so fucking dangerous for me because my brain still whirs as if I'm watching fictional characters but I'm NOT and I should NOT be blorbofying or armchair diagnosing these irl human beings, it's simply safer for me to never ever engage. Tl;dr my god the exes on His Man 3 have eaten my mind, I can't stop thinking about them. I won't share REAL PERSON HEADCANONS (basically: who pings as neuroatypical) but I went from thinking Myeongkyun was the most hilarious entertaining television figure I'd seen in years to being really truly gutted for him and his like, slow struggling emotional processing which makes him sooooo frustratingly opaque even though he is trying, and his fuckboy affect which is so deceptive for how confusingly deeply (but just. sloooooowly) he actually feels. Youngjoon has been my favorite contestant this entire time (well, Youngjoon and Seungjin but let's not get me started on how it feels to watch Seungjin go untreasured episode after episode) and Hanmin jumped way up there in episodes 7 and 8 too because who knew he was the absolute kindest and most supportive and emotionally intelligent person in that entire house, I'm rooting SO HARD for him and Youngjoon I think they're such a crazy good match for each other augh. So the thing I find so compelling about Myeongkyun and Youngjoon's conflict is that it's really easy for me to understand where both of them were coming from; as absolutely maddening as it is to imagine being in Youngjoon's shoes and trying with so much hyperverbal self-awareness to reach some kind of clarity and just being hit in the face again and again with Myeongkyun's blase opaqueness, I really DO think they were both trying super hard and in good faith in that exhausting conversation! It understandably didn't FEEL that way to Youngjoon, as Myeongkyun led him in circle after circle, but I'm seriously like unhinged with how much I feel for Myeongkyun rn and his visible overwhelm. When Youngjoon was about to leave and tell Myeongkyun to figure things out on his own and Myeongkyun told him it's actually easier for him !!! to sort through his feelings with him there !!!! that's such an admittance, he absolutely was trying that whole time but what comes out of his mouth is sooooooooo not intelligible and thus as infuriating as humanly possible for Youngjoon, this incredibly verbal, emotionally analytic overthinker. They're such a bad match lmao and it's so so sad that Myeongkyun just assumed their relationship was moving as slowly as his feelings do and not that he was fully ghosted dklfjslkdfja I can just see BOTH THEIR SIDES I'm almost always on the side of the person who is like "how was I supposed to know what you ghosting me meant? I kept contacting you because I just thought you were busy!" vs. the ghoster who is all ugh dude why couldn't you read the room? but if Myeongkyun has always been like this - answering a direct question with "Maybe I'm ENTJ!" or "I don't want to tell you" or munch munch munching and "mmm"-ing and blinking and never ever answering what he was actually asked - it's pretty easy to understand why Youngjoon would assume this is a guy who neither cares about nor requires direct communication of any kind.

Lol sorry I've never posted into this tag before and this is a super incoherent blur of feelings before I go offline for the next two days but I just have to get it out of my system because I don't think I've ever had a reality show change my perception of somebody as much as Myeongkyun just like. Visibly hanging on by a thread while saying all the absolute wrong things in his stupid cool guy voice. and then breaking down as soon as he was alone. did. "Dating Minseon is... a possibility" went from sounding like a half-assed non-commitment to me, to Myeongkyun very seriously working through his feelings at his regular slow slow speed, and I'm fully rooting for them as well atp.

I wish this season had more friendship and less shady secret missions because everyone is so miserable... including me, who is sitting here typing nonsense instead of posting about my safely fictional characters.

[instant-bull]

Do you have any favorite little headcanons for any of the founders that you kind of default use no matter the fic or setting

Great question! I have plenty of headcanons for these guys, but some of them are indeed too specific to be universal for every kind of setting, so taking out those that actually could be more universal is difficult. This is gonna be a pretty long one, so I'll be nice and put a divider up.

Tobirama:

Tobirama is on the autism spectrum, and since it's fantasy Edo period, it can be something incredibly hard for him to navigate. I believe representing his ASD can be a slippery slope, given how easy it would be to simplify him into "autistic boy genius with no social skills" stereotype, which I find very trite. He sure is a genius, given his excessive achievements in jutsus, and maybe his social skills aren't amazing, but he's definitely trying his best and I don't think he comes off as heartless. I would have to write a seperate post all about his autism, because this post could reach 10k words if I continue right now.

Tobirama's mother came from the Hatake clan. Pretty straightforward, it would explain why he looks so different and also creates drama around him for being different. Albino!Tobirama is not a bad concept either, but it doesn't bring me as much joy. @fashionredalert gave me a fantastic prompt of the Senju clan being far less obsessed with blood than the Uchiha, which also makes a very compelling story beat (hi Amy :) )

Tobirama's seals are tattooed, or carved into his face (depending on my mood teehee). The ones on his face help him see, since generally he'd be considered legally blind. Adds additional drama if he were to be captured or imprisoned.

Hashirama:

Hashirama is a very loving older brother. He's suffered so much loss in his life and now, left with only one baby brother, he makes sure to love and cherish him as much as possible. Sure, he was ready to give up Tobirama's right to the Hokage title for Madara, but I believe he had only the best of intentions and that decision didn't come from his distrust in Tobirama himself.

Mokuton kinda... does shit to Hashirama's brain. Not necessarily dark!Hashirama concept on its own, but definitely something that impacts his perception and his way of living. Trees talk to him and he talks to the trees. Does he listen to their instructions? What do the trees want?

Hashirama is taller than his canon height, because I said so. Oh... tall like a tree...

Madara:

I never really look to Kishimoto's art for body references, since he tends to draw all bodies in a very similar way. That being said I see Madara as a real rectangle of a man, 0 waist, big arms, big chest, big legs, sprinkle in a nice layer of fat on top and you have my man. I'd bite into him any day.

I'll eat rocks before I render Madara a pathetic meow meow. He's a complex man with layers of pride and shame (mmm... lasagna...), and making him pathetic or really dense in order to elevate Tobirama or Hashirama (I've seen it happen in both cases) just makes me sad. I let him be his smart, brash self.

Madara has horrible, horrible oral fixation and is generally a huge weirdo in bed<3

Izuna:

Izuna is kind of a blank slate and I love him to bits. I've enjoyed a lot of different characterisations people give him, but I think my most favourite of all are the ones where he's quite chill. His brother is always on some shit with Hashirama, and Tobirama has a stick so deep up his ass it must scratch his brain: of course Izuna wouldn't be able to take all of that seriously all the time. He cares deeply for his clan and maybe dies for its sake (depends on a fic you know), but he's not a stoic, nor a haughty warrior.

That being said, I quite enjoy making Izuna an obnoxious brat when interacting with Tobirama. I think pushing his buttons and seeing him react so viciously makes Izuna's day better. Torment that stupid bitch, yay!!

You can always make an argument that his happy-go-lucky attitude is a facade that protects him from pain. Let's not forget how much suffering this boy has experienced from a very young age. You can always put a sense of profound sadness into him and make me, as a reader or a writer, suffer from heartache.

Mito:

I love Mito and Mito erasure is frowned upon in this household. She's a strong person, a master of seals, and probably one of the only forces in this universe that could pull Hashirama down from whatever bullshit he'd go on. They love each other tremendously and have an incredibly strong bond. Their sex life must be insane...

Mito has a fierce Uzumaki attitude, and has a strong presence around the Senju clan, who generally treat her with respect (after all, she's the clan head's wife). Do not cross her, I cannot stress this enough.

She enjoys spending time with her brother-in-law, since they are both crazy about seals and could talk, speculate and experiment with them for hours on end. At first, when Hashirama was yet to be married, Tobirama had a huge anxiety about talking to her, because she felt like this idol of seal-craft and Tobirama felt silly</3

Phew? I think that's the main ones, which I think are pretty universal to any fic I write. Thank you for the ask, sorry for the longest possible answer!

[dontbotherwiththepronunciation]

I fantasise about Ramsay's death a lot

I think Ramsay will be killed at some point during ASOIAF but I've been wondering how and what exactly we could get for the narrative of certain characters depending on the different outcomes and I am insomniac so I want to write something more or less useful so I can sleep or at least avoid intrusive thoughts.

So, here is a poll with possible outcomes for Ramsay's death, some of them I've read in meta posts, others are simply stuff I thought could be thematically coherent. Under the read more I added my own preferences because I'm feeling bold. You don't have to read those, but I would love it if you tell me some of yours. And you can tell me all you want about that? Is your answer motivated simply for shipping reasons? Simply for revenge? Do you think it will actually happen? I just like reading other people's thoughts.

My Preferences:

1. Killed off-screen by an unnamed lowborn

My personal favourite. I don't think Ramsay will get an off-screen death scene with an "irrelevant" character and I understand why but until it happens I get to fantasise and while I think for many this would be considered unsatisfying or anti-climactic, to me it would feel thematically coherent and beautiful.

Ramsay Bolton, the living nightmare, a monster from hell, killed by some rando. Someone who wouldn't make it down in history, someone who would be forgotten, someone who would be seen as disposable and irrelevant.

Through this we could have what is, in my opinion, the biggest offence ever directed at Ramsay AND a really sad and harrowing exploration of Theon and Jeyne's feelings on the matter.

Surprisingly, I was never feeling frightened by Euron as I read AFFC, the fear only settled when I read Aeron's preview chapter for TWOW. I was terrified (/pos) how could I not be? The eyes through which I witness all are tainted by terror during that chapter.

With Ramsay the more you think about how our perception of him is one conditioned by Theon's powerlessness, the less mighty he actually becomes. He is not a monster, he is a human like everyone else, he can be killed like everyone else and the concept of knocking him down from this idea he has built around himself, as a creature one should be frightened of, to have him become so irrelevant to the text that we don't even get to witness his death nor know anything about the killer because there is nothing that could be interesting or worthy of mention about that killer is wonderful to me. It makes Ramsay irrelevant and unworthy of mention.

And yet, I also think it would be very tragic for Theon without inflicting any sort of pain on him. Through ADWD he keeps fantasising about killing Ramsay and every single time he keeps himself from actually doing it because at this point Ramsay isn't a person for Theon, he is an omnipotent entity that builds and destroys. So, if he were to find out that Ramsay was easily subdued by someone with no name, no house, no military power, a no one, that could destroy his self esteem. It could lead into even more feelings of guilt and shame while ultimately proving that Ramsay isn't really all that.

I think people (me) often believe in what they like to believe and I would like to believe this is an actual possibility even if the more conscious side of my brain is thinking "Wtf are you on? GRRM is not gonna do that. Do you think he is stupid enough to be this anti-climactic about something everyone is eagerly waiting for since a decade? You think he wants to have people saying show!Ramsay's death was better than book!Ramsay's?" So, yeah I don't believe this will actually happen, I would love it if it did, it would be very meaningful to me, but I have no expectations and I understand how this is probably not something most people would enjoy.

2. Fed to his dogs by Barbrey

All the reasons I want him to be eaten by his gos (listed down in 4.) + my anti-vaxxer, conspiracy theorist, Karen Queen Barbrey Dustin.

I have a horribly unpopular opinion about Ramsay's dogs that would get me cancelled for animal cruelty (/hj) and I have a lot of very personal feelings about this woman.

If she is supposed to be a woman who knows how to nurse a grievance (hot) then why would she be alright with letting the boy she thinks killed her surrogate son become Lord of Winterfell or even King in the North? She openly spits on Ramsay (hot) and even defies him through her conversations with Theon. The idea of her being a conspirator among the Manderlys and the Glovers isn't something I've been bought into yet because I still believe in her distaste for the Starks™ being real (hot), but I can't imagine she would feel any more tranquility at the idea of Ramsay turning into her liege lord, if anything I think she would be terrified because HAVE YOU NOT HEARD OF WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LAST NORTHERN AGEING WIDOW WHO RULED ON HER OWN WITH LANDS TO HER CLAIM AND NO APPARENT HEIRS????

"Me," said Ramsay. "Ramsay of House Bolton, Lord of the Hornwood, heir to the Dreadfort.

To me, that sounds like the vague reminder of a threat.

We have also seen a few moments in which she not only makes her disdain for him public, but also defies him! Prohibiting him from entering into Barrow Hall, treating Theon with something similar to dignity (I know it's only mildly implied but if we ever get confirmation on her being the one who gave him the cloak he wears during A Ghost in Winterfell I will scream and cry ) and she also constantly refers to him as "Bastard" although he has been legitimised)

Also, while I believe she probably knows "Arya Bolton née Stark" is a fake, I doubt she knows it's Jeyne Poole and I also doubt she didn't feel at least some guilt over handing her to Ramsay.

When Jeyne is asking Theon to escape with her she mentions "They said he hurt you." Who said that? Who is they? Could Barb be one of them? Was she warning her? I think it's possible, but I know this is only me assuming things. I have no evidence for anything.

There would also be a lot of irony built around that considering Ramsay's comment on Reek |||:

"If I cut off her teats and feed them to my girls, will she abide me then?"

In a sense I also really love the idea of Ramsay's bones finding themselves in kennels (something Barb is already planning on doing to Ned's (hot)). If both of them find their resting place among the dogs, oh I would feel so much.

Before anyone starts believing I think Ned is as horrible as Ramsay, no I don't. Ned is honourable and just at his best and hypocritical and self-righteous at his worst. Ramsay is himself at his worst and Reek at his best.

The reason I would enjoy this wouldn't be out of thinking that Ned "deserves" that, it would be because Ned and Ramsay are the two people who have hurt this woman the most and also the two people who have deprived Theon of his designated life the most.

3. Public execution by a non-Northerner leader

This is the one I find the most probable to be honest.

Westeros' feudalism seems to be better for the common folk after the Targaryen conquest than they were prior to it. I really doubt GRRM will be willing to dissolve them and send them even further back into an even more inequalitarian feudalism. By having an outsider bring the Northerners their "justice" it would be easier to get them to wilfully decide to reintegrate themselves into the Seven Kingdoms, which is where the Davos-Rickon-Stannis plot will apparently go.

Stannis is already waiting for the battle of Winterfell and I have no idea whether he will win or not, but I think as of now killing the bastard is on his priority list. There is a possibility that he might not kill him immediately but just keeps him captive, and that could be very very fun. While I wouldn't want Theon & Ramsay to have to interact again, I understand how appealing this could be for so many of us. I don't really have anything against this, I just like the other two options mentioned above more.

Asha would be the only case I can think of in this option that could be motivated by more than political plotting or a sense of justice, but also because of personal feelings regarding Theon's trauma. If it were to happen, I doubt it would be a proper execution though, I can see this happening more on the battlefield. I think there could be some beauty in Ramsay "I-rape-girls-for-fun" Snow to find his demise at Asha and her suckling babe, a warrior woman who is also the sister of the man he has been humiliating (to say the least) for the past year. There could be some poetic justice in that. Politically it could also be fun to see the Northerners being confronted by having the Ironborn retaking Winterfell for them and the way their perception of the Iron Islanders could change because of it could be fun and maybe serve as a mirror to the way Asha & Aly have been developing mutual respect for each other. Anyway, here you can find art depicting her & Ramsay as David & Goliath and I love it.

Thematically I would love it if Daenerys would somehow manage to teleport to Winterfell and kill him and be confronted by two uncommon characters that share some similitudes to her past as a child of war & child bride and her actual cause (you can read about those similitudes in this post and this post), but I'm not delusional and I doubt Daenerys will reach the North before Ramsay has been killed so I don't believe it's very probable for them to meet. This is just me being self-indulgent because of the childish wish of wanting my favourite POV characters to interact.

4. Eaten by his dogs our of their own will

As said, I have that one opinion about his dogs and this could go well with it. A taste of his own medicine. Revenge from the deceased. Dog eats dog. Poetic in a sense; The spirits of the women he has raped and hunted and made to be reborn in the bodies of the weapons used against them to take part in the process of making other innocent women join them, finally break free and take revenge against their murderer.

Pretty much the same reasons as to why I like Barbrey feeding him to his dogs, but now there is something more mystique about it. Theon often refers to them as good dogs and it seems like their kennel master Ben Bones also feels fondness for them. Both of them consider the master to be the true monster there, and yet these are still no gentle creatures.

5. Killed by Theon

I feel very ambivalent on this one and most of my reluctance comes from not trusting GRRM's writing abilities to depict it in a way that I find compelling. I love revenge stories, but I rarely like their endings. I love revenge stories, I just rarely like the way they end. "When you go on a journey for revenge you dig two graves instead of one" Sometimes. Sometimes you also dig just one grave but have to spend the rest of your day laying next to the corpse of your never-ending anger and rage. I don't enjoy it a lot when achieving justice or revenge is portrayed in a purely happy light. It doesn't erase everything that has ever happened, it makes you feel unhappy because you know that no suffering inflicted on your abuser could possibly be enough to fulfil the void inside you. It isn't something, it is devastating. Good, now Theon killed him, he is gone, he will never hurt him again, now what? Now what? Is that supposed to be liberating? He is still perpetually changed and now he doesn't even have a target for all that pent-up rage and frustration to be directed at and (Can you tell I'm part of the minority that liked TLOU2 even more than TLOU? ), to me, the concept of adding Ramsay to the long lists of ghosts haunting Theon feels so harsh. I could enjoy it a lot!!! It's just that I doubt it would be written that way and the options mentioned above are more to my taste. I think that if Theon is the one that gets to kill Ramsay it will probably be portrayed in a more triumphant manner, maybe trying to convey Theon's complete rebirth and the deaths of Reek the Second (Ramsay) and Reek the Third (Theon at the Dreadfort) and, even though "Dead is dead. Better dead than Reek" is one of my favourite Theon moments ever, I don't really believe he should completely cast it aside.

"Reek, reek it rhymes with freak/weak/meek/etc." Sure! But also, were it not for Reek he'd probably not be alive. I don't know. I don't like the idea of him reappropriating that name like a minority would reappropriate a slur, but I don't think he should fully reject it either. In a sense, I believe the Reek persona allowed him to find some strange type of mental freedom in regards to "Theon" as a political pawn. Many of the conflicts he had to deal with during ACOK involving his cultural duality and his political standing disappear once he is conditioned into Reek (granted not in a healthy way) and I think that allowed him to develop into his own self more. I don't know If what I'm saying makes any sense. Not a favourite, but still something I could like. Personally, I would like it more if their last conversation was something completely mundane since I think that is very insulting to Ramsay, but it could be cool to have a final scene of them interacting in which Theon openly defies him and Ramsay is perplexed by realising he has been beaten by a creature "lower than a worm in human skin." Ramsay probably hasn't read his Shakespeare, GRRM has. Even a worm will turn.

Here, is the idea someone wrote for a scene emulating the confrontation between a slasher and the final girl and it was fun to read it.

6. Killed by Theon & Jeyne

I dislike it for similar reasons as to why I dislike Theon killing him, and I really don't like the idea of Jeyne being part of it, but I think there would be a lot of value in abuse victims coming together against their abuser and perhaps it would make their bond even stronger which would always be a perk to me because they are the relationship I care about the most in here and I just want them to be a supportive presence in each other's life. As said, I just like the idea of Theon/Jeyne never having to see Ramsay again. I think that is a slight to Ramsay.

7. Public execution by a Stark or a Stark loyalist

Depending on the Starkling doing the execution we could get a glimpse of affection for Theon and Jeyne, which I wouldn't like. Mostly because of personal issues with how the "friendships" between Theon-Jeyne and their respective Stark BFFs are something I interpret very differently to the fandom's common perception.

I also really want Theon to liberate himself from the "The Starks™ were your true family" motto, and the narrative portraying them through a purely heroic and victorious light would annoy me (I like all of the Stark kids as individuals, I just don't like the Starks™). Especially in Ramsay's case, I think it could easily be interpreted as the Starks™ being Theon & Jeyne's saviours.

I do understand how Ramsay, as part of House Bolton and the current Lord of Winterfell, isn't a villain designated to be solely attached to Theon & Jeyne. Politically he and Roose are the Starks' biggest opponents and threats, so I would understand it if GRRM still chooses to take this route (preferably through Jon or Arya) and could hopefully still find some enjoyment in it.

Something I think could be interesting but, similarly to the Daenerys example, is very far-fetched from actually happening, is if one of Lady Stoneheart's companions would be the one. Maybe Harwin. It could mix well with my favourite possibility.

8. Killed by supernatural force

My personal exception would maybe be one involving Bran. Out of the Starks and semi-Starks (Catelyn, Jon), his and Theon's relationship is the one I find the most interesting and it could be very emotional to see this little boy who was a victim of Theon's actions during ACOK be the one to smite Theon's tormentor. Years ago I saw this art depicting Bran and the Children of the forest warging into Ramsay's dogs and killing him while defending Theon & Jeyne and I still like the idea. The only real thing that would bother me in Ramsay dying at the hands of a supernatural force is that it acts as an opposite to my favourite option. If he is killed by someone inhumanely powerful, what does that say about him and his strength? Does that mean Theon's view of him as an all-seeing, all-hearing, all-knowing entity is not based on his own fear? Is Ramsay really such a monster he can only be brought down by another monster?

9. Killed by Jeyne

This one seems to be a fairly popular option, especially loved by Sansa fans and I understand why. There is a surprisingly big amour of art and memes and I can see the appeal but to me, it would feel very tragic which is why I like it the least. Jeyne is a character who has suffered so much while having very little involvement in the events that lead to that suffering. We only have limited information on Jeyne as a person and her role in the narrative is that of a vessel for other people's feelings (which is alright, we need secondary characters) and considering how she has been canonically appalled and repulsed by violence even before she was subjected to horrible acts of violence (being frantic about the Hound killing Mycah, having a meltdown at the tourney, being extremely distressed by the massacre at King's Landing), it would be very sad to witness her becoming a perpetrator of violence even if it would be justified. To me, it would feel like she has lost another part of herself to the trauma inflicted upon her by Ramsay. She has bled too much, I don't want her to have to stain herself in other's blood either.

I have come across other theories, but those are the ones (that I can group) that feel the most plausible to me. Roose or Mance killing Ramsay still deserve mentions of honour, but I don't have too many feelings about those. With Mance it could help bring Wildling and Northerners together and if it were Roose that would probably mean that Walda is withchild and that the Northern plot line might take longer than we all thought it would.

I don't fully oppose any of these options though! And I think there could be narrative value to all of them. As said, these are just personal opinions.

Anyway, I'm gonna go listen to Bob Dylan's Masters of War and mentally envision an amv feat. Theon and Catelyn.

[staceymcgillicuddy]

annual writing self-evaluation

Thanks to @astorytotellyourfriends for the tag - I didn't do this last year!

1. List of works published this year (in the order that they were posted):

If She Lived in Space, Man, I'd Build A Plane crimson & clover pulling overtime model citizen; zero discipline what you give just serves me right two jack trippers and a chrissy perception check all my kinktober fills a hollow tree

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

Gosh, that's hard. I'm proud of all of them for different reasons, and I have issues with all of them for different reasons. I guess I would say "what you give just serves me right" makes me happy, and was something I had to push myself to do, but I was pleased with how it turned out in the end.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

I hate that I have two fics out that I haven't updated in ages! I am not proud of that! And there are a few things in all of them that I'd tweak.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

Oh golly. Alright, from a hollow tree, which was my Halloween fic featuring Lilith!succubus!Chrissy:

Fog slips into the van when he opens the door. A mist so thick it’s disorienting as he drops to the ground, and the shape of a girl forms itself out of the gloom.

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

Almost every single regular commenter on Soul makes my heart sing and my panties drop, and I'm so sorry my brain is being stupid right now.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Right goddamn now. It's like squeezing blood from a fucking stone, and I have no idea why, but everything comes out strained and blechy and I hate it, and I refuse to inflict it on anyone else so I'll just sit like a lump, churning out crap and never showing it to anyone.

7. A scene or character that you wrote that surprised you:

Genuinely did not think that I would get so into the Hopper/Chrissy/Eddie dynamic as I did when I wrote it as a crackship as part of kinktober. But, like, I could get DOWN with that shit.

Also, Hellcheerington surprised me. Oh, and writing Eddie's dad for Soul was weirdly cathartic? I was determined to make him a person and not a collection of cliches, which was easier said than done. I think I got there, in the end. Hope so, anyway!

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I didn't, I fucking regressed. Or, no, not really. I pushed myself a bit, tried to get sharper and cleaner with some prose. Read some theory books, worked on my rhetorical devices, forced myself to kill a couple darlings along the way (but not all the darlings, god damn it).

I also published a book, so yay?

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I'd like to get back to writing original fiction. I've been in a slump with that, too, because it doesn't have the instantaneous feedback that fanfic does. I want to split my time between fic and pro writing stuff, and I want to be very realistic about how much mental energy my real job takes up. When I used to write like a madwoman, I didn't have the role I currently do, which is a senior project manager leading a team, working mostly with executive-level staff. Don't get me wrong, my job pisses me off a lot, and stresses me out, too, but it pays well and we live in a shithole of a society where money matters in the grand scheme of things.

So, like, I guess I hope to grow as a writer in writing even when my brain doesn't want me to, or it doesn't feel great to do so.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Freaking Shirley Jackson, man. That bitch can write.

11. Anything in your real life show up in your writing this year:

I'm always putting kinky shit I see or experience at the bdsm club into my fic. I am as God made me.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Everything is made up and the points don't matter. Stop comparing yourself to other authors. Turn off stats on your AO3. Write what you fucking want and quit worrying if other people are going to like it.

13. Any new projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I'm going to be so, so glad when Soul is done because I love it so much but it is also the millstone around my neck.

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read:

@binickandros, @pipergirl17 and @phoenixwrites please!

[puppypeter]

Your bottom!Roy posts got me thinking about my secret omega!Roy ABO au, and now I MUST share my vision or I will EXPLODE!!!!!

I'm really fascinated by nontraditional ABO fics, which is why repressed Omega!Roy has me by the THROAT!! The whole political side of the ABO universe when put into a professional sports context is really intriguing to me, and I'm especially interested in seeing how gender politics would play out in a universe where possessing a second sex is the norm.

I'll try to keep my summary as short as possible so I'll boil it down to my key components (*me when I lie):

Omega!Roy presented at Sunderland when he was around 12/13 and thereby had to sign one of the most complex NDAs in youth sport at the time as well as being put on extremely heavy duty suppressants. All that compounded by the scrutiny and isolation of his living conditions at sunderland and the emotional impact of having your body be treated as something shameful to be hidden having an incredibly traumatic effect on someone so young leads me to believe that Roy's 'hardman' persona was a combination of his actual personality and a case of serious overcompensation.

By the time Roy is playing professionally, maybe some sort of Second Sex Protection Lae has been passed which means youre not obligated to reveal your second gender at your work place, leading to Roy hiding his omega status to further his career opportunities. Which surely won't have an effect on the way he views his body at ALLLLL.

Oh, you think Roy is emotionally repressed in CANON?? Omega!Roy is something else entirely. EXTREMELY dysmorphic and sexually repressed, as well as suffering from internalised omegaphobia(?), no wonder he is so tense. My man hasn't had a fulfilling heat in three decades. Add that to his preexisting career struggles from canon and you get a total MESS.

Enter Jamie: THE pinnacle of the Alpha archetype (who, unbeknownst to Roy, is also dealing with a lot of internalised struggles regarding his second sex and what it means to be an Alpha male, combined with his Amsterdam related trauma).

Roy hates him on sight, both for the canon reasons of jealousy and general dislike for his personality and for omegaphobic reasons, meaning Roy resents Jamie's Alpha status.

In season 1, they still have their rivalry, except Oh No!!!!! One day, all this alpha agro posturing in combination with Roy's fluctuating heat cycles as a result of consistent suppressant misuse/his advancing age results in Roy going into heat.

Now Roy's secret is out to the WORST possible person during one of the most fragile stages of his career AND since his stupid omega hindbrain latches itself onto the most eligible Alpha available, Roy is forced to ride out his heat with virile Alpha!Jamie.

Except,,, Jamie is actually,,, really attentive?? And understanding??? And doesn't push boundaries or take advantage of this HUGE blackmail opportunity??? Doesn't take advantage, PERIOD???? And his perception of Roy doesn't seem to change that drastically??? What????

Obviously, this is a slow burn enemies to friends to lovers situation. It's about the emotional vulnerability of having someone care for you at your most fragile and helpless, as well as a journey of self acceptance,,, It's also about extremely kinky topping from the bottom style smut with whiny, desperate to please service top, but I digress.

Could end with Roy revealing his omega status and kind of championing a lot of pro-omega movements in professional sports, or it could be wholly RoyJamie focused. And, not to make this mostly smutty au too angsty BUT: the potential of Jamie being able to relate to Roy's struggle with his bodily autonomy being violated because of his Amsterdam experience? PERFECTION!!

Big takeaway is: nontraditional ABO, older grumpy dominant omega!Roy X younger bratty submissive alpha!Jamie. I need 100k fic NOWWWWW!!!!!

Welp this is going to look like I sent myself an ask cause this is absolutely straight out of my brain what the fuck it's my dream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES TO EVERY SINGLE THING YOU SAID!!!! Got lots to say so adding a cut or people will have to scroll loads! But anyone feel free to come shout to me more about it!

Listen I am always out here begging for more roy-centric angst to begin with and for more alpha-omega content because royjamie just fit the bill so well however you look at them (as your idea or as alpha roy/omega jamie or alpha/alpha or omega/omega). It's all about the claiming, the possessiveness, smelling each other and what not lol I love the political element and how that plays into the sports world, especially where they get kids started so young so in general it's already weird seeing such young kids put so much focus on their bodies as a vehicle for success, let alone other people getting involved in their presentation.

But now I want to know your thoughts on if his parents sent him to Sunderland because he was good at footie or because they somehow knew he was likely to turn out an omega (like his grandad, make grandad a male!omega and maybe that was his maternal grandfather and roy's dad - assuming a stereotypical alpha - always hated him for being too caring, too sweet to his own wife and his daughter etc and definitely too soft around roy). I'd say his grandad took him to take him away from that environment but it doesn't work if he brought him to a football club lmao (other option is to make it angst and say grandad was actually an omegaphobic asshole too but I feel bad about that ahah)

Roy's being so young and isolated would play such a massive role, being surrounded just by other kids who might take his spot if he is not good enough and other adults whose only interest is making money off of him becoming successful and who keep making him feel bad for his presentation.

I can see there being protection in place as his career progresses, but I feel like even if legally it's a thing the world of football is still a shitshow (I mean it's not illegal to be gay for example and yet how many players are out? when statistically there's definitely a lot of lgbt+ players - in men's footie)

But I can also see Roy at that point hating that part so much (it's the reason his parents sent him away? his hyper independence make him hate the thought he'd need to depends on someone else? my dude is so fucking touch starved it would probably physically hurt if someone held him in their arms?). And I can see him being a bit passive aggressive towards others omega players at Richmond because they're so chill about it and he's mad they have no idea what it was like for him!! (he'll get there, to where he supports them and is grateful they didn't have to go trough the hell he did)

And lord Jamie being a shitty alpha copy of his own shitty alpha dad (who could not tolerate that omega!Georgie was not a docile little thing but feisty as hell!), brought on by his Amsterdam trauma. James went away when he was little and came back later to a Jamie that was too soft, who presented as an Alpha because maybe it's the dominating gene in the Tartt family but did not behave like one at all, accused of spending too much time with his mother who is far too into omega-rights and equality and has thought him to do things like house chores which for James is 'an omega's job'. But he pulls the acting like a super dad thing and then Amsterdam happens because of him wanting to show what a real alpha should be / what an omegas job is.

I love that you went for the "Roy resents Jamie's Alpha status"!!! He is such a contradictions, hating Jamie because he's a twat of an alpha but also because he (roy) isn't one!!!

Them fighting each other in the locker room is such a hormones fuelled thing regardless lmao I can see maybe some medication Roy is taking for his knee interacting with his suppressants (perhaps because it's not a thing anymore to pay attention to since almost nobody takes suppressants anymore)

Wonder what would happen if Roy hurt his knee as canon but it was someone from another team and it happened because he got distracted as his body was going into some crazy frenzy of unwellness (his first heat after decades would be a painful nightmare) and so now he's at the lowest he could ever be

And let's not forget Jamie has been a fanboy his whole life so even if they were fighting he is genuinely concerned + his alpha instincts of protection and devotion and 'must make myself helpful regardless of the sex of the person' that Georgie instilled in him + this physical pull he feels towards Roy being in distress (you know the whole bonded alpha can feel the distress, what if he feels it even before? or maybe it's just a distressed omega smell although that would out Roy unless it doesn't happen until they've dragged him back to the locker room)

I love sweetheart alpha jamie so much!!! he'd be so caring and make the best service top absolutely and I do want to see the moment it clicks for Roy that Jamie also struggles with his presentation and does not want to be held up to those alpha standards

I do love the idea of him speaking about it publicly and Richmond ending up with an omega assistant coach (there's a lot that can be said about who is what in that coaching staff lol but hey the team is owned by a bad ass alpha female boss, only one in the Prem!!)

"the potential of Jamie being able to relate to Roy's struggle with his bodily autonomy being violated because of his Amsterdam experience? PERFECTION!!" you had to end with the most angst and I love you for it!!!!!!

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Sorry if you’re offline or just don’t want to see this but I has question:

As the resident hurricane family mother, how does one healthily cope with sadness, depression, and self-blame? Because most of us are dealing with these and I have absolutely no healthy coping mechanisms, so I was wondering if you’d know anything?

I was just offline because of work, that’s all. 👍🏻 This is kind of difficult to answer but I will do my best. Please reblog this, lovelies, and add your own healthy coping mechanisms so we can have as much good advice in a post as possible. ❤️ I’m gonna ask y’all to bear with me and read this whole answer because some things might sound like “meh that’s not for me” but if you stop reading then you won’t find other things that might help.

First, my faith is a big pillar of strength for me. I know not everyone shares my beliefs, but if you have any inclination to try and pray at all, prayer helps so much. Not because it gives you an instant fix, but because it gives you an ear to talk to, it can let you scream and cry and breathe and listen and reorient. God’s always listening. ❤️ If anyone is ever unsure how to pray or anything of the sort, you can always ask. ❤️

Now as I said, not everyone shares my beliefs, and there are so many coping mechanisms out there! Journaling your thoughts helps you put them out of your mind and onto something you can look at and physically touch. It gives you a moment to pause and reread it and parse it out. I find exercise helps me a lot too - and I’m not even saying you need to go to the gym or punch the air, just a walk makes a world of difference. Can’t go outside? Pace back and forth and listen to music. I put in so many steps I sometimes “walk” for miles just from pacing back and forth.

Find yourself a support system. I have different people who I go to for different things. My family is always there for me but I don’t always tell them everything that’s bothering me. And I don’t have to! I actively avoid telling them some things because I don’t want them to worry, but I will tell others. Different people can be there for you in different ways. I have work friends who go through hell with me and we can talk about it with each other because we get it. I have close friends who may not understand what I’m going through but can still lend an ear when I’m at a breaking point and can either let me vent or offer me support. I have my family who honestly just knows the periphery of big stressors for me but can read when I need to be alone and when I need love.

Know your limits. We all want to be everything for everyone. We all want to help and support each other. But sometimes things are too much. Sometimes you can’t be in righty places and have energy for six other people in crisis and still put a smile on your face. Know when to step away and take a break. Know when to put down the phone, or not contact that one person who drains you more than usual, or avoid that one place that’s going to stress you out.

Know when something is or isn’t in your control. Sometimes your brain is garbage and makes you feel that way. Understand what that is - stress, trauma, faulty wiring (darn neuro chemicals), hormones - and understand that you can’t necessarily stop the reaction but just ride the wave. Some days all you want to do is lie in bed. Those are the days to each out and say “hey can someone poke me to get up and brush my teeth/eat/drink.” Some days everything makes you think you’re a failure. Recognize that it’s your brain being stupid and say “all right, fine, I feel like shit, doesn’t mean it’s true. So anybody want to tell me what they see in me? What makes me a good person/friend/writer/artist/whatever I need to hear?” Recognize that your perception of yourself is not what the world sees, and recognize that when you’re lost in a fog and depression has you blindfolded in the dark, others are not blindfolded and therefore can see you for the beautiful person that you are.

Let your mind rest! Read something you enjoy. Draw! Watch a movie! Whatever makes you happy.

Have a creative hobby. Something that you can look at and smile and be like “I made/free that!” Gardening, sewing, writing, art, something with an end result that you can see and touch.

All right, that’s most of the stuff I do or have been told to do. Now reblog, lovelies, and add your own advice if you like!

[daftbitch]

Nekomamushi Smut Anon reporting in. o7 Had a shit ass day but I just hit the blunt and what better way to lift a mood than talking about a 17 foot tall cat monster and how we want to fuck him. Okay, I'm copy pasting directly from the post you made a few days ago--sorry about that btw, I somehow missed it but things are a bit chaotic here right now.

Apologies in advance if you don't vibe with my HCs, but also to each their own, so no worries if you don't.

(Also I'm sorry this got way out of hand, this is so long lmao. >.> )

Modern AU: I don't generally do these so this one I have to think about harder. I could see him being a professional weightlifter. Lifting is something he starts younger, but in his mid-to-late 20s he also gets into mixed martial arts and wrestling as a hobby, and everyone is grateful he started late, because he is a MONSTER, and would be even worse if he had started training in adolescence.

-Does side gigs as a bouncer. It's potentially how you meet him; you either work at a place he's been hired at, or maybe you frequent the locale.

-Later in life he reconnects with Inuarashi and the two of them are looked up to as heads of their community in their town of Zou. They show up to all the small local elections and represent the neighbors who may not be able to stand up for themselves as easily and stuff. /end Modern AU

Sexuality: Tbh, being bi/pan, I HC most characters as swinging both ways to various degrees if it's not explicitly stated in canon. We can't say for sure how Mink culture is with regards to gender/sexuality. There's clearly going to be author biases: Nekomamushi remarks to Bepo, when Bepo states he will defend his home too, "Well, ya talk like a man..."* (depending on the translation you're reading, but it's along those lines) so that could imply a patriarchal structure of some sort.

However, bio/zoology is a special interest of mine, and animals function in vastly different ways than humans w/r/t gender. We can't even say they have "gender roles" because those apply to human social constructs. Minks may have the secondary sex characteristics of humans, but they also display behaviors typical of their animal species. So I can see their perceptions on that sort of thing being far more liberal. Every species is going to have its own tendencies--say, hyena minks tending to have their women taking dominant social role, like with real life hyenas--so as a whole, they don't worry about it so much.

That part got long, sorry. Anyway, as for Nekomamushi... I think he ultimately wouldn't care what his partner was gender-wise. He would like someone he can be his unapologetic, boisterous self with. A friend before a lover. I could even see him skewing toward demisexual.

Bedroom Preferences: Usually prefers to top/take the lead with things. Doesn't like being told what to do, but can come around to seeing the fun in playing a subby role now and then if he's properly convinced, but he has to be in the mood for it.

Kinks: -He can do gentle, and he does enjoy gentle at times, but if he had to choose, most of the time he would rather be feral about it. Pinning you down, holding you still while he takes what he wants, scratching, breeding, etc. He's a warrior, he likes for sex to be heavy physical activity, he wants to be tired by the end. This can be an issue with the size/power difference, but so long as you mind your limits and keep a safe word/signal handy, you can make it work.

-Prefers to finish inside his partner. He also cums a large quantity compared to a human, even disregarding his size. The volume's even greater during rut/heat. Like, by a lot.

-During the worst of a rut/heat cycle, he cannot fuck casually. Heat has a powerful affect on Minks and he's no better about it for being a ruler of the Dukedom. Horny brain trumps logic and he will make stupid decisions or make a fool of himself if it means he can get to his partner. --Normally he thinks it's hot to watch his cum leak out of you. But during a heat cycle, he'll try to keep it inside. Doesn't matter if you can't get pregnant due to anatomy or birth control, he can't help it. After finishing, he'll either just stay inside you, or after pulling out, press your legs closed and then tuck you against himself, purring and grooming you while his stupid horny instinct brain just wallows in the happy thought of you being full up.

- >.> ...... <.< ......His mouth is really big. Big enough to fit your lower half. He likes to eat you out like that, you riding the bumpy plain of his huge tongue, while his teeth scrape your stomach and back, and he purrs of how he could just eat you up.

-He likes ear scratches/rubs and finds them relaxing, but there is a specific spot on the back of his ears that's a sensitive erogenous zone. You get real good at finding it. It's an easy way to get him in the mood if he isn't currently.

-Predator/prey RP. He's already a playful guy while also being wild, so this seems right up his alley. He'd like to chase you around a little or 'hunt/stalk' you before pouncing and taking you on the spot. If the power difference between you is large enough, it might not be as fun for him if you can't run fast... but trying to sniff you out from a hiding spot is also thrilling, so it can be worked around.

-High sex. Occasionally will switch out his usual herbs for something that gives a stronger high rather than just a buzz. Prefers to do this one with his partner, if they don't also smoke, he won't be as inclined.

-Likes when you're rough with him too, by the way! Likes his hair and fur being pulled, being bit and scratched... But again depending on the power difference, like... unless you are a fighter, you just might not be able to pull hard enough on his fur for it to feel good, or even scratch through his pelt... but in that case he still thinks it's cute you try.

-Reverse Monsterfucker. (bangs fists on table) like I said before. He gets a thrill out of fucking a human--it's not necessarily taboo, just almost unheard of, and that's exciting for him. Also thinks it's so hot that you're into him and that you're into the same things. Has a high sex drive and loves if his partner is the same way. Something about a human fucking "like a Mink" makes his brain go brrr, he comments on it all the time at first. "So needy, my little kitten's more animal than most Minks, aren't they?"

-Corruption. After fucking him the first time it's over. Sex with people closer to your size just doesn't get you there anymore. Even giant toys don't do help. You need it how he gives it to you, and when he finds that out he's ENRAPTURED. It really gets him going knowing he's made you kind of addicted. He's a touch self-conscious about how strongly he can get off to that thought, so he doesn't talk about it unless it's during sex with dirty talk.

I believe that's everything off the top of my head. (looks at wall of text) ...yeah.

Also I saw you and @toujouhidetora talking about Sulong form and I'm 👀👀 DID YOU COMMISSION DOE TO WRITE THAT??!?!? BECAUSE HOLY SHIT, MY BODY IS READY?!?!?

tbh I don't know that I could survive fucking Sulong form Nekomamushi, but what a way to go out, amiright?

(I can see how it could happen... you're fucking outside under the moonlight, and his growl deepens and he starts getting rougher as his fur turns white in a wave across his body...

Or maybe he's in Sulong form and can't turn back for w/e reason, so you're like. I know what I must do. (salutes the other Minks) Inuarashi it's been an honor.

This better all send. I'm copy-pasting to a word doc just in case so I dont lose it but god. yeah. ok. Trust me when I say I'll be obsessively checking my phone in between customers at work to await your reply!

Talking about this was exactly what I needed after today. I think that's partly why it got so long. I daresay it's therapeutic even, in that for like the 2 hours it took me to type this up (I am a slow writer) I wasn't thinking about the day I had.

So thank you for calling out to me to talk. I loved it.

I’ve had to retype this like three times now. Tumblr keeps crashing. I literally got home from work and I have been thinking of what to say to you all day. I am so sorry it has taken me this long to reply. I get so excited when you do this . 

This is me literally every time you are in my inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day and I love you so much. I hope one day you were comfortable that you can come off anonymous and be able to message me but if not, that is completely fine I just look forward to hearing from you my friend.

 I absolutely agree with 100% of your head cannons. They are so beautiful. I love them so much!!! 💖💖💖

I feel like in the minx society that everyone is bi/pan. I feel like they wouldn’t really give a shit about what gender the person you are with is and they feel like that’s 100% a human construct. 

I’ve been going horny feral over this post for like the last hour. I love it I can’t stop rereading it!!!

I absolutely love the reversed monster fucking thing it is fantastic. I have an OC that I pair him with her name is Sterling. I love her so much and it’s literally perfect for this exact situation.  i’ve drawn art of her and him together several times. I’m thinking about posting it. 

I really feel like he would definitely be into oral. I feel like he would see it as a challenge to see how many times you can cum on his tongue alone.

YES ABSOLUTELY HE WOULD DEFINITELY BE A TOP!!! I feel like also he would be a playful dom too. I can also see him in certain situations he could be a bottom too but he would really have to be in a very specific mood.

ALSO YES I HAVE COMMISSIONED DOE INTO WRITING A STORY WITH NEKOMAMUSHI IN HIS SULONG FORM CHASING DOWN STERLING AND BREEDING HER!!! (Consensually). I AM TOLD I SHOULD BE DONE SOON I AM VERY EXCITED!!! I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOUR REACTION TO IT THE MOST COME GET HORNY MURDERED WITH ME!!!

Once again, I think you so much for taking time out of your very busy day to write such a detailed reply to me. I am literally over the moon about how happy I am. Thank you so much for indulging my stupid little whims. I love you very much for this and I appreciate you doing this, I hope you have the best day and weekend my friend!!! 💖💖💖

[zenzeroruletheworld]

i know this isn't what i usually post but i really want to talk about it and i also know that It might sound stupid but but listen...

Can we talk about the fact that "mother know best" from tangled Its the definition of the relationship between Jack and Teague!?

Hear me out, stick with me ok?

------------------------------

"You want to go outside? Why, Rapunzel... Look at you, as fragile as a flower Still a little sapling, just a sprout" "You know why we stay up in this tower - That's right, to keep you safe and sound, dear"

Now: Teague have the total control on his son life (particularly in tpof); he know that, Jack know that, and he dont want this to change. He also said multiple times that he think that Jack isn't ready to be on his own, (and he probabily never will). And THAT is a tactic used in manipulation. make Jack think he can't survive without Teague. make him believe that he always needs to have his father holding his hand, make him believe that he is safe ONLY with Teague.

-Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of “guidance,” “teaching,” or “advice,” the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value.-

"but-"

"Shh! Trust me, pet" "Mother knows best"

Do i really need to tell this? That's manipulation.

-abuse can take a more indirect form and may even be disguised as “helping.” Criticizing, advising, offering solutions, analyzing, probing, and questioning another person may be a sincere attempt to help. In some instances, however, these behaviors may be an attempt to belittle, control, or demean rather than help. The underlying judgmental “I know best” tone the abuser takes in these situations is inappropriate and creates unequal footing in peer relationships-

= [teague] "Remember all those times i Need to step in and come to your rescue?" [Jack]"you speak as if you'd let me forget"

"Mother knows best, listen to your mother

It's a scary world out there

Mother knows best, one way or another

Something will go wrong, I swear

Ruffians, thugs, poison ivy, quicksand

Cannibals and snakes

The plague-"

"-Also large bugs

Men with pointy teeth, and

Stop, no more, you'll just upset me"

-Emotional abuse is a pattern of behavior in which the perpetrator insults, humiliates, and generally instills fear in an individual in order to control them. The individual's reality may become distorted as they internalize the abuse as their own failings.- 👀

"Mother's right here, Mother will protect you

Darling, here's what I suggest

Skip the drama, stay with mama

Mother knows best"

I really think we should talk about It because im 100% sure Teague said several times and on several occasions this type of things to Jack.

"Me, I'm just your mother, what do I know?

I only bathed and changed and nursed you

Go ahead and leave me, I deserve it

Let me die alone here, be my guest

When it's too late, you'll see, just wait

Mother knows best"

This seem more the Grandmama type of abuse. But still:

[teague]" you didn't want any help when you decide to run out on us, Jackie - dear old grandmama nearly died of grief when you left". [jack]"dear old grandmama has tried to kill me on three separate occasion" [teague]"-that was her way of showing you She loved you, Jackie"

-Invalidating abuse seeks to distort or undermine the recipient’s perceptions of their world. Invalidating occurs when the abuser refuses or fails to acknowledge reality. Countering occurs when the abuser views the recipient as an extension of themselves and denies any viewpoints or feelings which differ from their own.-

AND FINALLY

"Mother knows best, take it from your mumsy

On your own, you won't survive

Sloppy, underdressed, immature, clumsy

Please, they'll eat you up alive

Gullible, naïve, positively grubby

Ditzy and a bit, well, hmm, vague

Plus, I believe, gettin' kinda chubby

I'm just saying 'cause I wuv you

Mother understands, Mother's here to help you

All I have is one request"

THIS. THIS IS EXACTLY THE TYPE OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE THAT TEAGUE USE THE MAJORITY OF THE TIMES.

That is the perfect example. in that paragraph everything that I have analyzed in this post is enclosed.

[cagedchoices]

I saw a post the other day that said it's weird when people say “[muse name] is so spicy right now” because, in their words, “people who do that are just writing smut as a self-insert fantasy to get off to" I thought that was kind of reductive and untrue and it kind of highlights a growing issue I’ve noticed in the RPC and I kind of just wanted to talk about it from my own perspective.

I am an asexual, aromantic, and nonbinary afab person. My most consistently present roleplay muse for the past 4 years is a cis man I headcanon to be bisexual and biromantic. I feel like it should be somewhat obvious that this is not a self insert fantasy for me, but if it's not that obvious, I'll try to explain.

Initially, I based Caleb's sexuality off an admittedly narrow perception of his canon background. I interpreted his relationship with Francis as romantic partially because at the time, I thought “There’s no heterosexual explanation for how emotional Caleb gets whenever he thinks about Francis, so therefore he must have been in love with this man.”

In addition to that, Caleb had 2 failed relationships after Francis died and there’s nothing dictating what gender(s) those partners were.

I was also partially motivated by spite. How many times has everyone heard “ugh not every close emotional bond between two men has to be gay 😒” ? How many times has that been used to shut down any conversation on the question of sexuality when it involves two male characters? I was sick of it.

I used to say that though. Before I knew any better. I'd see two characters who had a connection I liked seeing as platonic, and instead of reasoning that it's perfectly valid to interpret these characters how you want, I would be like “no. absolutely not. these characters aren't gay because the author didn't write them to be and didn't say they were and actually it's pretty homophobic to think the only way men can be emotionally vulnerable is if they're gay” which is…STUPID lmao don't be like Past Me. That was a DARVO tactic and a particularly shitty one at that. I'm not like that anymore and I'm glad I learned to do better.

Anyways... I love shipping, but I’m less attached to looking through shipping goggles these days and I try not to look at anything from such a narrow point of view anymore. Now whenever I think about the bond between Caleb and Francis, I can see it in a multitude of ways. Which is the same way I see his bond with Dolores in season 3 and his bond with Maeve in season 4. And further how I see potential for ships I develop in roleplay.

But recently I'd been struggling a little bit with truly defining the difference between romantic versus platonic ideals. Most of the generic definitions I see out there describe romantic attraction as being “the desire to do romantic things with someone” and then the examples listed are something like “kissing, holding hands, getting married, spending time together, etc.” and I'm just like “okay what about when people do those things *without* romantic attraction involved?”

Like it just breaks my brain. People get married for reasons that aren't out of love sometimes. And as much as I like kiss scenes in fiction and I like writing them when my brain stops short circuiting long enough to actually do that, I think the entire act of putting your mouth on another human’s mouth and sometimes getting tongues or teeth involved in smushing your lips together over and over again is a really weird ritual to show someone you like them. I still write it though because it's cute. As for holding hands and spending time together?? Are we just not supposed to spend time with friends ever? What the fuck.

I stumbled across a video a few days ago by a neuroscientist who has studied the concept of love in the human brain and what she said helped me put things into a better perspective. Someone asked her if there's a good way to differentiate between platonic and romantic relationships when, especially in modern society, we don't have as much separation between the things humans do WITH romantic partners versus in non-romantic relationships and the lines blur more than they used to in the past.

What she said was that romantic love behaves similarly to an obsession or addiction in the brain. It's not just the fact that you want to DO so-called romantic activities with someone, it's more that you want to do them so badly with a specific person, you can't really let go of the thought until you follow the impulse to do it.

Kissing, for example. It's possible you might want to kiss a friend you have a strong platonic bond with, but if you don’t do it, then the interest usually fades and the brain will quickly move on. On the other hand, if you have a crush/partner/spouse/any kind of romantic connection and you want to kiss them, the brain will most likely fixate on the thought of kissing them until you actually go and do something. It will not fully move on until it gets the dopamine hit.

I guess since I’m aromantic, this means that for me, I don’t experience that addictive feeling of wanting to do something with someone so badly that it's all I think about. But I write a muse who is biromantic and does experience romantic attraction, which sort of requires me to know how it works, so I can actually write about it.

I see sexual attraction in a similar way. I’m asexual and in my case, I'm one of the ones who doesn't experience sexual attraction in any way and is not comfortable with being personally involved in sex. But my muse is bisexual and does experience sexual attraction.

So I decided to start writing smutty things last year and I had a couple reasons for it. The first is that I had never actually written smut before so it was something new to try, and practice would mean I would get better at it.

The second was that I have watched, for years, many of my mutuals routinely participate in sexy sunday and similar things. It probably sounds kind of like peer pressure, but it wasn’t like anyone was really encouraging me to do anything or not do anything. It was more like after years and years of existing in my own bubble of never engaging in it, I wanted to see what I was missing. Completely my choice.

Thirdly, after tackling the subjects of “where the fuck do you put your hands?” “does this position sound physically possible? or...comfortable?” and the like, writing simple kiss scenes or non-sexual intimacy no longer feels like a monumental task that I mentally freeze up on the second I realize I have to write.

For a while it also got very hard for me to figure out when someone wanted to ship with me versus when they didn’t. I was afraid to ask. I started overthinking everything to the effect of “what if they think I’m being presumptuous and pressuring them into writing a romantic relationship they don’t want?” or “what if they are afraid to tell me they actually Are interested in a ship in case i think they’re trying to pressure me into it instead?”

There was also quite a bit of “oh god what if they see that i wrote my muse on a date with someone in a certain location and when i put our muses in that same location for a different thread they think it’s a date too when it’s not?” or even “what if a mun of a duplicate muse sees me writing a ship with a different partner writing the same muse and they start thinking i’m only writing with them to add them to a weird little collection or something?” and all the social anxiety I fall victim to when my mental health gets tanked by stress and depression.

All of this to say, now that I’ve climbed back out of the pit of despair I fell into… I don’t think anything is as simple as “people only write shipping to fulfill the desire for a relationship/people only write smut to fulfill their own sexual desires.” I think you have to take it on a case by case basis and not make broad assumptions. Otherwise all you're gonna do is alienate people over things that really don't matter.

Plus, maybe it's just that “[muse name] is feeling so spicy right now!” is a lot quicker and easier to say than “the part of my subconscious imagination that [muse name] occupies is telling me that if this muse were a real person, they would be feeling sexually aroused right about now and I'm willing to write about it!” so like. Y’know.

[sugirandom]

Major Trigger warnings for mental health issues, low self-esteem, negative body image, dysphoria, misgendering, mention of toxic parents and abuse, it's very personal, not positive so you don't have to read it.

Hey guys, gonna be honest here. My mental health is still pretty shit at the moment. I mean, it hasn't really been particularly good for a while but I completely spiraled after a really honestly trivial experience at Walmart so it just shows me how my tolerance for stress is just not there right now.

The fact that I was only healthy for one week so far this year doesn't help, I got sick again at the beginning of the week because my best bro got sick and inevitably I got sick from him (again). So yeah, I'd just got back to auditioning and felt good about that but now I'm sick again so can't really audition.

We were buying cold medicine at Walmart and apparently they have to check your ID for this medicine. With me, the lady didn't even bother but when my best bro was buying his medicine she asked for his ID and after seeing his birthday said "You look younger than that." and that's the silly thing that set me off. My best bro who is one year older than me being asked for his ID because for some reason he looked under 18 to that cashier and she didn't even bother with me. That's what set me off and I know it's stupid but my brain said "ha, you look old now!" And it went into all my other insecurities.

I realize a lot of what I dislike about myself is stuff I can't change and it's hard for me to swallow that even though I know on a mental level that is what I have to do somehow. I can't wear men's shoes because my feet are too small, I'm constantly being misgendered when I wear my mask probably because of my height and how my hips look. These are also things I can't change. I could dye my hair I guess when I make more money and that would fix some of looking old I guess but the bags under my eyes won't go away unless i fix my insomnia which I've had next to no luck with, especially getting sick again.

I've also just felt insecure about my talents and kept wishing i was just a little more talented so I could actually making a living doing the things I love rather than being forced into doing work I don't want to do if I can even get hired at some point. I know that a lot of my perceptions are warped by my own low self-esteem and being surrounded by one parent who was abusive and another who as much as a I love her was very vain. So I still have a lot of toxic crap I've internalized that I've placed upon myself and it's pretty overwhelming to work through it all. I think my mom passing at an age I feel was way too young also panicked me, that and the fact that she looked much older than she actually was. I guess that's what made me spiral. I guess I thought "Oh, is it happening to me now?" "Do I look 20+ years older than I am." The answer is probably no but my brain won't let me see that.

The craziest part is I'm an Empath so at the end of the day it's possible that all that insecurity I've harbored for myself and my skills and talents could be from my parents, it's how they felt about themselves. My mom with her looks and my stepdad with his talents and skills, he hid it behind pride but we could tell. Writing this out like this is a small first step to healing from it I know, so thank you for putting up with me posting it on here. I don't really know how I'm going to heal going forward but I do want to somehow because I want to succeed in my goals in life and live a life i can be happy with rather than feeling like I'm just going to progressively get worse each year. I want to figure out how to make optimism less exhausting and easier to obtain again.

[candiid-caniine]

Just wanted to express a lot of appreciation for that one post you made about being smart enough to notice what's happening while being broken down, if you know what it's talking about. Appreciation for remaining cognizant while being broken down is, like, uberly rare. it hasn't seen anything else like it since it saw that post.

it doesn't always automatically type the way subs are expected to type, and it doesn't seem to be able to turn its brain off (though it has tried). But it has a Mxtress who does really appreciate it when it's able to articulate really well what is happening to it internally and externally and what the significant implications are. Like, it's being denied for the rest of its life and won't ever feel an orgasm again, but it has a very firm understanding of how good an orgasm would have felt in a given circumstance and is usually able to describe it. Mxtress gets a lot out of that, especially because it seems like it makes it suffer more each time it's denied when it's fully aware that this is how it will be forever.

Online, you're pretty much the only one who's ever written anything that associated being broken down, edging, etc. with maintaining a state of mind that is perceptive. Most posts do the opposite, like "edge until you can't think," that sort of thing.

So yeah, just wanted to say thank you. Uh, this'll be really embarrassing if it's in the wrong ask inbox and you have no clue what this is about.

haha you got the right ask box friend!

i've seen you engaging with my posts a lot, and i have to say i'm so flattered and pleased my posts resonate with you <3 i'm a bit of an oddball sub myself. i am autistic, and BDSM is one of my special interests, so i tend to be turning certain parts of the scene over and over in my head a lot of the time.

and fucking hell, i have come across so many people who claim to be in the community who are like...surprised that i'm highly assertive about what i want. i'm "too bossy" for a sub. or so they say--it's always a red flag that this "dom" doesn't know wtf they're talking about, or anything about forming ethical relationships with humans. /rant

truth is, i edge myself stupid all the time, but i always come back down with a feeling of clarity, or self-awareness. almost meditatively, i feel centered in my own body.

i draw a hard line between reality and fantasy. both are needed, both are healthy, but the predominant fantasy atm seems to be that edging, like, auto-bimbofies you? and it's good to take a reality check once in awhile and remind folx that it's really not that way. you are a person, and if you cannot fully understand what is happening to you, and fully consent to it, then play becomes unsafe. centering the sub as participant, rather than the object-acted-upon, is sorely lacking in our community.

obviously i write fantasies to the contrary of the above, but like i said. reality checks. if you truly feel denial is inhibiting your ability to communicate with your partner, making your sense of self-worth, self-efficacy, or self-concept unknown to you, or otherwise compromising you in or out of the scene, you need to take a break from denial. you need to have a heart-to-heart with yourself, and then your partner(s). nobody should do things to you that you do not want or understand.

thanks, bunny, for this ask--a lot of great thoughts here!

[tr4sh-hive-3]

Hello, *world! (re: *tumblr)

no, the title does not make sense. fitting for my first post. this is gonna be a long one, so fasten your seatbelts honeys and allow me to take you on the thrilling ride through my various inner turmoils and tragically unrealistic aspirations!

I hate myself. with my heart, soul, and mind, I hate every fiber of my being. logically, I know I’m probably not that bad (maybe), but logic doesn’t mean shit to my stupid brain. I don’t like hating myself. I find it makes it much harder to be happy and I do enjoy being happy. sometimes. actually, I think when I’m feeling “happy”, I’m really just feeling empty and stale. wowza, that flipped around fast. I hate being happy. I hate not being happy. I hate being alive. I hate wishing I was dead. I hate talking to people and I hate being lonely. I hate everyone and I hate that they hate me. I hate myself. yay~

I have this really weird self esteem thing where I overthink everything relating to my mental abilities. I hate hate hate the part of me that seems to have this stupid elitist complex based on my intelligence. I’m sorry, I should stop talking about hating things. what I mean to say is there’s a part of me that only cares about getting smarter and having everyone know I’m smarter than them. I feel absolutely amazing when someone praises my intelligence and like complete shit when I’m wrong about something.

if you’ve read those last two paragraphs, you now know that I (not saying it) myself and my sense of self worth depends entirely on my own perception of my intelligence. now that you’ve got the basic rundown of my inner turmoils, let’s get into the tragically unrealistic aspirations.

I’m an artist. I’d like to consider myself as such. to be an artist, one must create art. I don’t really do too much of that. I’m not really an artist. I draw, sure, but I’m not very good at it. and everything I write is shit. take this text post for example. it’s got no flow, no rhythm. I don’t know what that means. are texts such as this supposed to have a “flow”? I think I’m incapable of gauging the quality of my work. I’m incapable of defining anything related to me. I don’t know what I look like. my physical features are always shifting. sorry, that’s more turmoil, isn’t it? let me (try to) tell you about my dreams.

I want to create a world. a universe. not a D&D fantasy map the size of Manhattan, I want it to put those little wimp dicks to shame. big, sexy, and full of endless niche crevices to get lost in. I want to write a big-ass 12 book series following a beautifully layered character aged 12-24. I want to make comics, cartoons, movies, video games, all that shit in this one uni(multi?)verse. I want people to fall in love with it and make their own head canons that I can (legally) declare canon. wouldn’t it be cool as hell if other people actually liked what I made so much that they made fanart or wrote fanfiction for it? I would die. I would actually just pass away over the motherfucking rainbow if anyone ever did something like that for a thing I made.

that was a lot less depressing than the last few text blocks. I promise I’m not that miserable most of the time. just when I’m venting into the unforgiving void.

let me tell you something fun—

humans create what they consume. read fiction? get ready to be gripped with the urge to write fan fiction, or worse, your own books. watch cartoons? get ready to find pencils forcing themselves into your shaking fist, yearning to make sweet, sweet, love to your paper and make beautiful fan art babies. if you consume media, you’re a hell of a lot more likely to become interested in the creation of that media, and eventually in creating similar media yourself. which is good; because it’s a lot easier to have fun making something when you have references.

I’m not so interested in books, cartoons, video games, and stuff. I think it’s because I have moderate to severe depression and instead of being gripped with the urge to write fanfiction, I’m usually just gripped with the urge to kill myself. I’m very interested in being part of several fandoms and essentially having a gargantuan online family. I vibe heavily with that idea. I know that I can enjoy consuming that sort of media, because I’ve done it before. I remember some years ago when I wasn’t so mentally ill; I remember devouring books and rotting my brain with cartoons like they were cocaine. I remember the crazy strong rushes of serotonin I got from rereading the same sentence for the third time just so I could fully appreciate it. I remember how I could get addicted to a show and the anticipation I felt during the seconds between hitting play and the intro. I know I can feel that way again because others can feel so strong they write millions of words out of love for it, spend hours on drawings and cosplays to share with their online family just because they love those stories that much. I want to feel that way. I want to feel like I can create out of love.

that’s probably one of the reasons I want to make that big, sexy world. I want to make others feel that way. I keep talking about this feeling like it’s so abstract. there’s probably a word for it. I hope there’s a word for it.

have you formed any opinions on me yet? are they good? I hope they’re good. I happen to be very self conscious of what others think of me. If I’d want you to feel anything about me, I’d want it to be a sense of kinship. I find that’s a very nice feeling to have. especially for a complete stranger. well, I suppose we’re not much of strangers now that you know some bit of my deepest heartaches and wildest dreams.

would you like my name now? I’m gonna give it to you anyway.

hello. please, call me Pan. I hope we can be friends.