#wait am I the matriarch of the family now what

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Sorry if you’re offline or just don’t want to see this but I has question:

As the resident hurricane family mother, how does one healthily cope with sadness, depression, and self-blame? Because most of us are dealing with these and I have absolutely no healthy coping mechanisms, so I was wondering if you’d know anything?

I was just offline because of work, that’s all. 👍🏻 This is kind of difficult to answer but I will do my best. Please reblog this, lovelies, and add your own healthy coping mechanisms so we can have as much good advice in a post as possible. ❤️ I’m gonna ask y’all to bear with me and read this whole answer because some things might sound like “meh that’s not for me” but if you stop reading then you won’t find other things that might help.

First, my faith is a big pillar of strength for me. I know not everyone shares my beliefs, but if you have any inclination to try and pray at all, prayer helps so much. Not because it gives you an instant fix, but because it gives you an ear to talk to, it can let you scream and cry and breathe and listen and reorient. God’s always listening. ❤️ If anyone is ever unsure how to pray or anything of the sort, you can always ask. ❤️

Now as I said, not everyone shares my beliefs, and there are so many coping mechanisms out there! Journaling your thoughts helps you put them out of your mind and onto something you can look at and physically touch. It gives you a moment to pause and reread it and parse it out. I find exercise helps me a lot too - and I’m not even saying you need to go to the gym or punch the air, just a walk makes a world of difference. Can’t go outside? Pace back and forth and listen to music. I put in so many steps I sometimes “walk” for miles just from pacing back and forth.

Find yourself a support system. I have different people who I go to for different things. My family is always there for me but I don’t always tell them everything that’s bothering me. And I don’t have to! I actively avoid telling them some things because I don’t want them to worry, but I will tell others. Different people can be there for you in different ways. I have work friends who go through hell with me and we can talk about it with each other because we get it. I have close friends who may not understand what I’m going through but can still lend an ear when I’m at a breaking point and can either let me vent or offer me support. I have my family who honestly just knows the periphery of big stressors for me but can read when I need to be alone and when I need love.

Know your limits. We all want to be everything for everyone. We all want to help and support each other. But sometimes things are too much. Sometimes you can’t be in righty places and have energy for six other people in crisis and still put a smile on your face. Know when to step away and take a break. Know when to put down the phone, or not contact that one person who drains you more than usual, or avoid that one place that’s going to stress you out.

Know when something is or isn’t in your control. Sometimes your brain is garbage and makes you feel that way. Understand what that is - stress, trauma, faulty wiring (darn neuro chemicals), hormones - and understand that you can’t necessarily stop the reaction but just ride the wave. Some days all you want to do is lie in bed. Those are the days to each out and say “hey can someone poke me to get up and brush my teeth/eat/drink.” Some days everything makes you think you’re a failure. Recognize that it’s your brain being stupid and say “all right, fine, I feel like shit, doesn’t mean it’s true. So anybody want to tell me what they see in me? What makes me a good person/friend/writer/artist/whatever I need to hear?” Recognize that your perception of yourself is not what the world sees, and recognize that when you’re lost in a fog and depression has you blindfolded in the dark, others are not blindfolded and therefore can see you for the beautiful person that you are.

Let your mind rest! Read something you enjoy. Draw! Watch a movie! Whatever makes you happy.

Have a creative hobby. Something that you can look at and smile and be like “I made/free that!” Gardening, sewing, writing, art, something with an end result that you can see and touch.

All right, that’s most of the stuff I do or have been told to do. Now reblog, lovelies, and add your own advice if you like!